#does scarf care about anyone but his mom? Canonically no but *i* want to give him a bit more personality UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. admins.......

[risingsunresistance]

listening to moving to mars, now i am thinking about barry and scarf

[bellamyblake]

The perfect sleeping arrangement

for @star-sky-earth

Alternate Universe-Canon divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Mommy!Kink, Nightmares, Anxiety Disorder

Bellamy always tries to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but at night he's breaking apart-anxiety and nightmares are tearing him up, yet he won't let Clarke take care of him. Unless she insists and he starts opening up to her. 

The only time Bellamy ever allowed Clarke to take care of him was at night.

During the day it was all about him doing everything he possibly could-going hunting, passing by medbay to bring her lunch, toss a scarf over her naked neck so she doesn’t get sick, ask her mom if she got anything for breakfast over her rolling eyes, make sure she comes back home before ten even though there’s a council meeting that night that he won’t attend because of his guard shift.

And it wasn’t just about her really-still, two years after they set their camp and started actually building it, he was taking care of the hundred as if they were his own children just like when they first landed-he brought Jasper a new jacket, fixed the roof of the co-joined cabin that Harper, Monty, Miller and a few other kids used, made sure to raid long-forgotten bunkers for winter supplies, participated in the shoveling of the snow, smoaking the meat from the game he had caught, helping Raven with the electricity solutions she needed figuring out as well as taking up as many guard shifts as he could especially during the winter when it was harder for the delinquents.

He even volunteered once a week in the small day care they opened last fall, reading books and telling stories to the kids in the midst of giving them a few history lessons here and there.

Overall he was stretching himself a little too thin and Clarke hated it even though whenever they fought about it, he always made sure to remind her that she’s no better than him.

And that may have been true but the thing was, he refused to let anyone ever take care of him, even her.

Even though he made sure she was fine all the damn time and it was the little things that broke her-him making her tea in the evening, bringing her hot water for her freezing feet and making sure she warmed up after her enthusiastic run in the back yard when the first snow hit, him tucking her up at night even when she kicked the blanket or finding the right kind of animal skin so he would sew her gloves for the winter.

He had even learned how to knit from a grounder woman during the summer festival and when they got back to camp he secretly traded a few sweaters for some yarn, only to start working on a beautiful blue scarf for her that he wrapped around her once the first winter days arrived.

It was great being with Bellamy but it was also heartbreaking, watching him give all of himself away and never expect anything in return.

Even when they kissed or had sex he always made sure she’s came first, always made sure to show her just how much he loved her, whispering words about her beautiful body in her ear as he teased her clit and bring her over the edge.

But when Clarke wanted to do the same, he’d try to get away, refusing the attention.

Some mornings she’d feel his hard cock against her butt and reach over to take him, turn around and kiss him, try to give him a good time but he’d kiss her forehead, mumble something like “I’m fine, princess, have to get to work, maybe some other time.” and slip away leaving her angry and sad that he just denied himself pleasure.

She knew why he did it, she had seen it from the moment back at that tree on their unfortunate day trip-he didn’t think he deserved it even though she had tried to make it known, even though she always made sure to show him how much he means to her, how much she loves him-but it wasn’t about that, it has never been about that-the fact remained-he didn’t believe he was worthy of being loved, of pleasure, even when it came from the person he cared for most in the world and who cared for him just as much in return.

The thing was, he tried to hide his problems away from her as well and that had been the last straw to turn things around.

At first it was his inability to sleep because of anxiety-he had a few days or even a week sometimes every month when he couldn’t sleep-nightmares plagued him and left him weak and exhausted but he would try to hide it from her at first until one night she came home and found him so tired that he had passed out by the hearth, having only just started the fire.

She can't even move him no matter how hard she wants to. She kneels down, puts her hands under his armpits and tries but he's so heavy. On top of everything he's all wet from the snow-his jacket's peppered with fastly melting snowflakes, his hair was drenched-the curls stuck to his forehead, he was freezing and she knew his boots leaked too, so she had to get him out of it and warm him up.

”Come on, Bell, wake up, let's get you to bed.” and he manages to wake up, get to a half-awake state but he's so out of it, like a drunk five year old who had absolutely no idea what was happening to him.

”C-larke?”

“Yeah, come on, please I can't lift you on my own."

“I'm tired.” he mumbles.

“I know, but you need to get to bed.”

“Why?”

“Because it's cold out here you'll get sick”

“I'm fine...it's by the fire...just...leave me”

“No, I’m not leaving you, come on, please.” she’s desperate at that point, feels her own tears picking up at her eyes.

“It's okay, I like it here.”

“It's the wooden floor, your back already hurts, it's time for bed, please help me, please,” he groans a little, too tired to even lift his head and look at her but then she adds “for me.”

And that does it.

He manages to lift his feet just a little so she can drag him to bed and spray him diagonally at first, then she starts undressing him slowly, he's moaning everything hurts him-he's absolutely exhausted, tired to his very bone, hadn't slept in days, worked all through it too on top of it.

He's a baby when she undresses him he goes “I’m cold.”  when he doesn't have clothes on or “Ohh, my feet!”  when she takes his boots off and finds his blisters.

She’s pretty sure he’s only ever saying that because he’s not coherent of anything happening around him and he’s just a child speaking his mind.

It wasn’t just a one time deal, though-it kept happening and it worsened significantly with the change of the seasons-when winter settled he got bad, really damn bad and his anxiety made him jumpy, sad and insomniac.

In the spring it was a little better but still quite hard and the hot summer nights would throw him into another nightmare spiral that could last a month and leave him absolutely exhausted until the autumn winds hit and allowed him to breathe somewhat.

She takes him to Jackson when she comes home one night to find him passed out in his work clothes again. This time he's too tired to fully wake so she has to pile the blankets and pillows on the floor and sleep with him there to make sure he's warm enough.

Clarke figures out quickly that he loves being spooned, held, kissed-he groaned content when she ran her fungers through his hair-he liked being warm but he didn’t wear clothes in bed except for his boxers and he enjoyed most of all when she tucked him in first after taking all of his clothes and then sliding in bed, wrapping herself like a monkey around him and holding him tight.

Jackson had prescribed him some anxiety meds but after talking to some grounders at the summer Polis trade between clans, Clarke found herbs they could use to brew as a tea for him to drink.

It didn’t always do the job but it helped significantly.

Still, she figured out he had a need for her late at night in those vulnerable moments and the more they occured, the more he allowed himself to be like this despite the constant battle in his heart.

He liked being pampered, liked her momming him, taking care of him like that.

But there was still something that tips the scales and it comes from the most unexpected places of all.

Second year around when the camp is up and running, all of them have to go through the mandatory health check ups.

Of course, Bellamy had tried to get away with his, sneak out but Clarke had grabbed him by the collar-literally and dragged him there for his mom to do it, knowing if it was her, they probably would end up with her pinned on the cot, him on top, pushing into her, instead of her taking in his pulse.

And that’s when it happens-her mom takes in his blood pressure and finds it too high, listens to his heart carefully and furrows her eyebrows as she focuses. Clarke feels the cold spread through her from her back through her entire body when her mom tells them things are out of norm but that if he takes some blood pressure medicine to regulate it, everything will be alright.

Clarke hates herself for it though-she should’ve noticed it sooner. She always let herself be held by him and she had noticed, as she rest her head over his chest, that his heart beat too fast but she thought it was just him being too tired or maybe the anxiety was making it worse for him but she never once thought something could be wrong.

That’s when things changed and she refused to let him get away with being taken care of anymore.

His heart beat became her good night lullaby.

During the day he was still Bellamy the guard, Bellamy the hunter, Bellamy the protector of his silly kids starting with Jasper, Bellamy the love of her life who brought her lunch.

But at night things shifted.

He’d sit in bed and wait for her to come out of the bathroom.

“Took your anxiety meds?” he nods seriously “The blood pressure ones?”

“Yep.”

“You sure?” he had  stupid phase where he tried not to take them for a few weeks so they could save recources and ration them and she hadn’t talked to him for days after.

“I’m sure, Clarke.”

“Good boy.” she praises as she comes over “Time for bed now.” she lays him down covers him up and he looks at her with big brown beautiful eyes.

”You coming?”

“Right in, you big baby.” she promises as she leans over and kisses his forehead.

“Can you hold me?” he’s learned to ask for that with time and she had made sure to show him how proud she was of it.

“Of course.” she tucks him in and then quickly slides in on the other side of bed, wrapping herself around him, her arm over his chest and leg thrown over his. Her other one sneaks under his neck and she pushes his head to her chest so that he’s a little lower than her and her chin cover his head. That way she had quick access to his hair and she runs her fingers through his curls gently, helping him relax.

Because at night she sleeps deep, she doesn’t always hear when he wakes up from his nightmares or terrors and the only thing betraying him would be the dark circles under his eyes in the morning, so she has to ask every night how the previous one had been because only then would he be honest.

“How was last night?” he knows the question will come so he shivers a little as she holds him.

“Not too bad.”

“How many times did you wake up?”

“Once” he lies. She tightens her grip on his chest.

“Your shirt was soaked, Bell.” he shrugs and closes his eyes but she insists ”So? How many times?”

“Three.” he lets out quietly and she wraps herself tighter around him

“Why didn't you wake me up?”

“You know I can't.” she knew he wouldn’t, he never did. Unless she was there to scold him and force him to lay still while she took care of him after a night terror, he wouldn’t say a thing.

He had admitted once that he would wake up gasping for breath but force himself not to move too much and instead just stare at the ceiling while he calmed down so he wouldn’t wake her up.

She hated it. She hated whatever made him hate himself so much that he’d refuse to reach out even to her.

She knew it was about the way he was raised-his mom loved him according to his words and fond memories of her, but she was stern and had expectations for him especially after Octavia was born when the real hell began.

He had anxiety then too, night terrors as well, he may have developed this heart condition just because of the constant stress he was put under, he just had no way of knowing it.

One night as she was holding him he admitted he wouldn’t sleep at night after O was born, he’d check on her and his mom all the time, then sleep by the door when they knew there would be random check ups in Factory.

He’d fall off his bed as he tossed in his nightmare sleep, he’d shake all the time, grow restless or too tired, get angry sometimes-all signs of what he was still suffering from now.

Something else that happened lately as she came to find out-because he was so exhausted from his lack of sleep, he’d take short naps in hiding, away from her, so he wouldn’t bother her with his pain.

He’d go to the small overhang they had in the backyard where they kept the woods and sleep there and she’d hate it when he did that because it was so cold there she worried he’d get sick or he'd hide out in the kitchen while Murphy prepared dinner after bringing in the game he caught with the hunting party outside. He'd even spray on one of the metal tables at Raven and Monty's tent where they discussed plans for the camp.

So she knows, comes to figure out that spooning him and holding him helped a lot so all of this didn't have to happen. So he wouldn't have to hide away.

But something else did too.

Clarke would ask him if he’s okay, if she could do something else besides holding him but he’d of course shake his head and grumple a soft childish “I’m fine.”

She’d know better do, could always tell by the way he folds into her if he’s more vulnerable than usual, if it’s worse that night than the previous from the way his hands tremble or how he pushes his head into her hand looking for her touch.

In those nights, like tonight, she slides her hand down to hix boxers, digs in and pumps his cock to hardness.

He gasps a little, pushes his back into hers and looks up, searching for her eyes.

He doesn't want her to worry so much, so he tries to tell her it's okay but she wouldn't hear it and she jerks him off like this from behind. She knew exactly how he liked it by now-starting slowly, teasingly from the tip of his cock before sliding all the way down and cupping his balls for a moment before taking him in again.

His legs kick off the blanket just a little, he arches his back and she reins him in, calms him down, by kissing him softly, starting from his cheek, to his chin, sliding down to his neck, peppering him with her love, making sure to pay attention to all the freckles she sees in her way.

Her other hand is still in his hair-tucking at his curls, moving his head just the right way to expose more of him to her, give her a better angle as he gasps into her arms and calls for her untill he comes gasping, head buried in her chest, begging to be held, tighter, to be cuddled.

Finally, she lets him roll over when he's spent and he buries his head in her chest.

Clarke knows what he wants.

He loved sucking her tits after a good blowjob like this but she teases him a little like a boy who wants to be fed in the middle of the night but his mom's sleeping.

Bellamy buries his nose between her tits, breathes her in, lets her run her fingers through his curls, soft talk him, baby him until his quiet moans turn to desperate ones and he starts sucking, searching for her through her thin shirt.

“So impatient.”  she jokes “You want some of that big boy?”

He whines, writhes against her just a bit, searching for more like a desperate hungry kid.

“What's up?” she runs her fingers through his hair once more while he keeps trying to bury deeper into her, probably hating the fact that she decided to wear a shirt tonight but it was winter and she was cold. “You hungry?”

He groans, buries his head even closer, searches for her nipple but can't find it through the awful angle that her tits are in now that she’s laying on her side “Want me to lift that up for you?” she asks grabbing the hem of her shirt that is in fact one of his “Want to suck on mom's tits?”

He looks up then, moves away a little and she wants to laugh at how cute and adorable he is-his mouth hanging a little, saliva drooling on his chin from his desperate attempts to get to her tits.

He gives her a soft hurt look, his eyes so lost and desperate, the barest of nods and she just can't deny him when he does that-he’s so sweet, so gentle, so broken.

And so exhausted.

“Maybe this will help him fall into a fitful sleep.” Clarke thinks as she cups his cheek and runs her thumb over the dark circle under his eye.

He's so tired, it's the absolute picture perfect of a boy turned baby needing his mom and a hungry for his partner man.

She can’t handle it, would be lying if this wasn’t doing things to her too, so she raises herself up just a little and pulls her shirt off.

His reaction is immideate, he doesn’t even wait for her to fully lay back down when he takes the nipple of her right breast in his mouth and sucks on it hard.

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her up closer to him, wants to feel all of her pressed to his body, needs to have her there with him.

He doesn't just kiss her he sucks on her like a baby that's expecting for milk to come and it leaves her gasping and thrusting into his leg at the feel of her own wetness pooling into her but it is him that breaks her heart- he's so desperate for love and affection it's absolutely devastating for her.

It's noisy, he's smacking on her like a hungry baby and he's beautiful, so damn beautiful.

But he also never forgets about her-he sneaks his hand down to her ass and squeezes it, which makes her panties drench with her wetness and she grinds a little into him but she doesn't need release-this is about him, just him.

He gets a little hard again but it's not about that either now-he just wants to suck on her breasts and move his hands down her ass then up her back, then to her stomach-he loves touching her stomach, the softness there, the round curves that make her arch her back a little, makes her moan above him, reach out and put her hand on his shoulders, looking for something to support her.

Then he goes down to her panties, sinks in a finger into her making her gasp as he moves to her other breast, smacking just as hard, desperate for her beautiful breasts, desperate to beheld in her arms, to be vulnerable around her but also to love her, to let it pour out of him in any way possible.

And when he's had enough of touching her he brings his fingers up, pulls away for just a moment so he could spread her wetness around her nipple before sucking onto it hard again.

“Bellamy-” she gasps and he moves away from her nipple for just a second, peppers her chest with soft little kisses, moves to the valley of her breasts, drags his tongue there before sucking onto the skin just above her right breast and pulling her closer to him by the waist.

“Bell-”

He moves away a little, looks up at her asking if he did something wrong, worrying like always but she just takes his face in her hands and pulls him in for a kiss. She’s as desperate to have him as he is her but Clarke knows this is about him, so after she lets him go they just pant a little, breathe with hurry and desperation after their recent endeavours.

Her hand falls to his chest, his fast beating heart and she wants to command it to slow down.

“Ready to fall now?” she asks and he sneaks a glance down to her chest again before he looks right up, not daring speak out his desires but trying to silently ask for them anyway.

Without words.

He could never speak for himself.

But she would.

“You can take one if you want to.” she prompts him gently tugging at his neck and pushing him back to her chest.

“You don’t mind?” he asks and his voice comes out too small, too scared for her liking.

Clarke hurries to shake her head.

“In fact I love it.” he tilts his head a little as if asking “Really?” and she smiles “I love having you so close at night.”

HIs head falls and he looks down for a minute, accepting her answer, but trying to gather up the courage to ask something else.

“Will you still hold me?”

“Of course I will.” she promises and he smiles, beams really in a way she rarely sees on him which makes her sad because he should be like this all the time.

He quiets down after but not before slipping his hand back in her pants and sinking three fingers into her again, it's like he just wanted to be there, always, being the Bellamy that he is, to always give in return.

She grinds a little into him, he pumps her some but then they settle.

She watches him, cups his cheek runs her hand through his curly bangs smiles and kisses his forehead.

He gets a little shy like what he wants of her is too much, too weird maybe but she confirms again with a little nod that says ”It's okay, you can go ahead” and he wraps his mouth around her nipple again and smacks like a baby until finally he quiets and they fall asleep like this-his fingers in her and his mouth on her-the perfect sleeping arrangement.

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

Additional Tags: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, One-Sided Love, Romance, Canon Compliant, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Kissing, Implied/Referenced Sex, Crying, Eren Yeager-centric, Sad Ending

Words: 6k

Summary: Eren has a dream that he will never live to see. So, at least, he wants to make this one small dream come true.

Eren has always been a dreamer.

Ever since he was a kid, he’d stare upon a wall and imagine the world outside. He’d dream about what he would do when he finally gets to go outside the walls. Armin would dream with him. The days inside the cramped walls would be a little brighter when he gets to dream of soft shredded ice falling from the sky and rivers of red molten rocks. The waves of glittery blue saltwater, the waves of green hills unending. To stand on top of the mountain and gaze upon the blue sky, seeing where it starts and ends in the horizons.

The dreams wouldn’t have gone wild nor wonderful had it not been for Armin. The naive creative boy that he always is, came up to him with big blue eyes filled with dreams that infect Eren on sight.

Looking back now, Eren doesn’t know whether his dreams had become everything he lived for, or a slow poison killing his insides.

Because all his dreams are dead the moment his lips met the back of Historia’s hand.

He grimaced at the memories. It took every will that he has to not vomit then and there at Historia’s feet.

Everything was never the same after he knew.

They ride out to the beach, and there it is. Infinite saltwater, blue as the sky, glittering in the sun. Yet he can’t feel happy about it, he had seen it with the previous’s attack titan’s eyes. The magic is gone before he gets to experiences it on his own.

His eyes stare longingly at the ethereal scenery in front of him, but all he sees is the enemy across the ocean.

Eren had a lot of dreams. Hopeful little dreams that all lead to one thing. He wants to be free. Free to explore. Free to be who he wants to be. Free to love. He can have none of those, because of the enemy that lurks behind the glittery waves.

If we kill the enemy, the one waiting for us on the other side, will we be finally free?

Not realizing that he said his musing, Armin steps by his side.

“I don’t think we can ever be fully free,” his blue eyes are as blue as the sky, as blue as the water. Eren wondered if Ymir put those eyes in him because this moment was destined too. “Even the people across the ocean aren’t free too, that’s why Grisha ended up inside our walls.”

Eren had fallen to a deep depression after the memories barged in, Armin’s words almost sealed him into rock bottom.

Almost, until Armin adds, “But we’re people. As humans we’re given a will, a choice to do things, even if there are consequences, nothing can ever truly stops us from doing what we want.”

Yes, this moment is truly meant to be, Eren thinks as Armin’s eyes filled with hopes and dreams, like it always meant to be.

“There’s always going to be enemies, Eren, but we worked our hardest to break out of the walls, and though we’re not fully free yet, we’re still rewarded.” Armin looks at him, and for a moment, the clouds parted, and it’s bright. Ever since the medal gifting, Eren had slowly ignored them all. This is the first time in many months that they meet eyes again, and of course, the hope and dreams latch on deep and rooting yet again.

“Right now, we’re being rewarded with the sea,” Armin looks down to the conch he’s holding, lowering it to the crystal clear water to sit in the sand. “We have big dreams, and it hasn’t come true yet, but the small dreams do. Didn’t we always dream to see the sea? Now we finally do, it came true. We broke out of the walls, the possibilities expand, there’s going to be a lot of small dreams coming true before the big one.” Armin looks at Eren with a mischievous glint, but Eren is too mesmerized to see what’s coming. “Like how you... can enjoy... a fist full of salt!” Armin throws a big splash of salt water on Eren’s mouth.

It’s so salty that Eren almost hacked his tonsils out. He doesn’t remember ever eating something so salty, ever. He used to beg his mom to put more salt in their dishes, but salt was a rare commodity and they’re far from rich. Now, Eren just had a fist full of salt.

Eren paused, and everyone’s stiff stares turn worrisome for him when Eren broke down into a manic laugh. As if the salt in the water isn’t enough, Eren contributes with his tears streaming down along the water in his hair.

Swimming in the clear blues, salty mouth, and vision almost whiteout by brightness, Eren feels like flying. He takes the saltwater and splashes Armin back along with Mikasa behind him.

Armin’s face broke into a wide smile and kicks the water at him. Eren gets completely wet, so is Captain Levi behind him. They all paled at the Captain’s scowl, but then Hanji squeals, “WATER WAR!”

And Eren will take water war over the other war he’s going to evoke.

++++

Small dreams

Or so Armin had said.

Once again, Armin filled him with hope. Maybe not all of Eren’s dreams are dead. It never occurred to him that he could settle for less.

Once upon a time, Eren dreamed of living in a cabin far in the woods. Where he can run and not bump into someone. Where he can breathe in crisp air instead of the damp breaths of other people. He dreamed of making a family in that cabin. Be in love, never feeling alone.

He had planned to do that with Mikasa. It’s so easy to love Mikasa, how couldn’t he? A stoic face that only brightens at Eren. She’s a quiet kid, but she shows affection with actions. Like how she’s always beside him no matter how petulantly Eren pushes her away sometimes. She’s distrustful but still trusted Eren the most. Her smiles are rare, but when she does, it’s always for Eren. It’s endearing.

Also, she’s beautiful. She doesn’t realize it and Eren sometimes wants to scream at her. But Eren never said anything to her, never admitted out loud. He knows since the day he met her that Mikasa is special. She’s calm, collected, mature and so strong. Eren never gets why she loves him, but Eren is afraid if she realized how special she is then she wouldn’t choose the lame, regular, non-special Eren.

But he wants her. He promised himself if the war is over then he’d confess his feelings to her and just... love her.

Eren wants to feel loved, to be loved, to be wanted and cherished. Wants all the romantical shit with that person. He’s loved by Mikasa, and he knows if Eren asks, Mikasa will never say no to Eren under positive circumstances.

Now that Eren knows the truth about Ackermans, he can never see Mikasa in the same light again.

Mikasa’s love -now that he gets a double-take- is scary. She gave her whole heart in her palm, her full dedication and love only for Eren, no questions, no hesitations, no doubts. What did Eren do to deserve it? To work for it? Nothing.

All Eren did was save her, and gave her a scarf because she looked cold and Eren’s mom taught him to be good. If Mikasa was a depraved kid lacking affection her whole life then Eren would’ve understood why Mikasa was taken by him. But no, Mikasa’s parents were good to her, what Eren did was not special to her.

She loves him, sure, like a dog loves its master. Unreasonably unconditional. And the dog doesn’t know what’s good for themselves, blindly loving their masters. Just like how baffling it was that a selfish serial killer like Kenny suddenly have a heart to follow a hidden king just because he begged prettily.

Having Mikasa love him doesn’t bear the same euphoric feeling. Eren isn’t special, just a lucky kid at the right time, she could’ve imprinted on anyone. Eren had thought this dream is dead.

Eren still loves her, she’s still a person, just a fucked up gene. So at that night infiltrating Marley with the team of survey corps, Eren asks her, “Why is it that you care so much about me? What am I to you?”

Mikasa blushes prettily, her breath quickens.

“You are family,” Mikasa admits shyly.

Unlike the dog that loves its master, Eren knows better. It’s not that Mikasa is pushing him away, Eren is family, Eren is her everything, that’s why all she said was those three words. And she feels all these things without any reason at all, so much that she can’t compute.

Then the family of the boy he helped offer alcohol, and Eren gulped it down. In a way, Mikasa broke his heart. Eren wasn’t special to her. Eren isn’t wanted, he’s being obsessed by, being followed by someone that doesn’t know better.

Morning comes. They’re in a boat on the way back to Paradis Island. Eren decides to give his dream one more try. Maybe it doesn’t have to be romantic? He settles for even less.

He finds Armin by the deck at 6 AM. The only ones awake around are them, the captain behind the wheel, and the fishes under.

His blue eyes take in the dark sea, the pinkish color of the dawn sky.

Eren knows why they both are the only ones up this hour after a whole night drinking. Turns out being a Titan means that you regenerate everything. They don’t get drunk too long, and they don’t get hangovers.

“Armin?” Eren can’t help the desperation in his voice, not in front of Armin. His best friend has seen him at his worst, and he’s still here, it must mean something, right? “What am I to you?”

Armin -who had been looking at him curiously the moment Eren spoke- drops his jaw. They look at each other for a while, and Armin seems to sober up from his shock and looks stern.

A pair of arms smack on either side of Eren’s face. It sobers Eren of all the melancholic brooding, even more now that Armin is putting a nagging face on. “Eren Jaeger, you listen to me. We’ve been friends since we’re gaggling children. You were a trouble-seeker even though you’re weak, couldn’t even land a punch on some goons! We all survived childhood purely thanks to Mikasa.”

“At least I tried to fight, unlike you, taking it laying down,” Eren growls, lifting his hands to pinch both of Armin’s cheeks. Gone the baby fat, they’re a little bit skinnier from growing up, and a bit too many muscles replacing it.

“Ow!” Armin grabs Eren’s wrist and to Eren’s surprise, Armin pulls his hands away easily. The strength stuns Eren’s mock anger away, and Armin looks at him with a solemn gaze. Eyes tinted pink look a bit lilac purple.

“I could never understand why you would befriend a weak kid like me, but then I figured it out.” Armin takes a deep breath, and suddenly Eren feels weak. Why is Armin looking at him like that? “You, Eren, are the most important person in my life. The one I cherished the most, and closer than family. No one realized how big of a heart you have, and your pride gets in the way of asking for help. But you care so much about everyone when no one was looking.” And Armin looks at him, Eren hears ‘but I did’, from Armin all the same.

“You’ve been different since we stepped into Marley,” Armin says, freezing Eren on the spot. Eren hoped he schooled his face as well as he thinks. “Whatever it is, you’re not alone. Alright? You have us, and we’ll always be on your side.”

Eren was done before he knew he started. Tears bursts from his eyes, lips frown deeply, holding back sobs.

“Oh! Eren, uh...” Armin awkwardly pats Eren’s back and Eren pulls him into the hug. It takes exactly one second for Armin to completely melt and wrap him into a tighter hug.

His heart bleeds. Armin did two things with his words. Makes Eren feel loved, and tore him a betrayal yet to be done.

It hurts because Eren knew, they can’t be on his side. They won’t, and that’s how it’s meant to be.

“Armin, can I try something?”

“I... guess?”

Maybe it’s Armin’s unpredictable blush or Eren’s half-broken heart, but it’s easy to just dive in. Eren didn’t realize how small Armin’s face is until he cups it, touched its cheekbones, trails the jaw, cradles the back of his blond hair. Leaning in is easy. Once meeting Armin’s lips, he felt some sort of instinct. It tells Eren to leans closer, tilts his head, licks the lower lip, and parts his own.

Eren wondered why lips taste so sweet and feel so soft, or was it just Armin?

When Armin’s arms find his sides and clutches, Eren feels heat riding up his spine, up to his head. He wants more. The morning is cold and every gentle move Armin does to kiss him back warms him with life. Finally, Armin parts his lips too, and instincts take over again. Tounge between teeth, roaming into his mouth.

Still, the best feeling of kissing is not how Armin feels on him, but how Armin is feeling him up. Armin kisses back with curious vigor, lips moving quicker, hands clutching tight. When Armin moves his hand to cups the back of his head and grabs his hair, Eren shivers. Eren wants more, wants Armin to want more of him.

Armin doesn’t feel the same, as he shows by stepping a wide step back. Eren gasps at the sudden space, cold strikes him like a slap, arms awkwardly hugging where Armin was less than a second ago. Blue eyes widen, in shock, but not in disgust, and Eren hoped.

“But... I thought Mikasa...” Armin stutters, hand on his lips. Eren empathizes, his lips still tingle too.

“I don’t think of her that way.”

“Liar, I saw you... You...” Armin’s words died away. Yes, he saw Eren looks besottedly at Mikasa when no one was looking. It changed though, and even though Eren isn’t transparent, Armin can read him like a dog-eared book.

“I don’t think of her that way anymore,” he corrects.

It’s true. Eren did think of her that way, not anymore. Eren loves Armin, but he never thought of him that way, now he can, and somehow it makes sense. His wild dreamer of a head can see it.

Armin’s silence is discouraging. Self-consciously, Eren feels that he might be moving too fast.

...

What’s Eren doing? What’s next? Going on a date? Be boyfriends? Share sweet nothings under the stars until Eren eventually betrays them all?

He knew he had to give up on his dreams, small as it is, and he won't live to see his one most important dream come true. Eren sees the suffering and the screams, but not the peace that came after.

Still, a part of him yearns and reaches desperately before Eren can pull away.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Eren says, every word ripped from his flesh. Eren smiles apologetically at Armin’s confused expression. “It’s nice... I-I... You’re my everything too.” The confession is terrifyingly easier. Eren feels the heat on his face now, and the shaking cold of his fingers.

Armin takes a deep breath with his slacked jaw, still startled, but something changed in his face, softer.

Eren walks away, but a strong grip holds his wrist. Eren realized that strong as Armin is, he’s not as strong as Eren’s. Eren is just so weak for him. Since when? How could he never notice?

Well, he notices now, and it makes him flush when he kisses him. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing can come out of it. Eren can’t dream of it.

“Since when?” Armin asks vaguely, but Eren still knows.

“Since just now,” Eren says truthfully.

Armin lets him go then. Eren doesn’t look at him when he walks away.

+++

But Eren never stopped yearning.

Everything starts coming to place. So fast, so perfectly that it scares him.

These moments with his friends are numbered, and with all the power given to him, he can’t stop time.

He remembers what Armin says, and what Eren can realistically take from it. Enjoy it while he can. Cherish his friends while he can. As embarrassing as it sounds, Eren was saying the truth when he said he wants none of them inheriting the Attack Titan. These people live through hell with him, and he’ll make sure all of them make it in the end. No need to bear the Titan for the sake of foolish wars. It all will end with Eren, and it’ll make one of Eren’s dreams come true. The friends most precious to him will live in peace till they’re old and grey.

All of this is for the dreams that Eren will never live to see.

But the small ones, his mind says in betrayal, it can come true right?

Those words are what got him yearning still for the one thing he had given up on, or trying to at least.

Nothing changes between him and Armin. Eren has more practice in acting, he finds it easy to have a poker face, seems like his face does the same thing if he’s in despair, so he lets it take over. Armin is a bit different. The tension is there though faint. Lurking glances at the corner of his eyes, disappearing just before Eren could turn and see. It was Eren that says they don’t have to talk about it.

He hates it. Hates that even without meeting his eyes, Armin still gives him hope.

Eren knows he’s been sneaking into Annie’s jail cell. A part of him feels jealous, another part feels relieved. Relieved because Armin can move on, and maybe they’d pretend they’re never a thing to begin with. Yet Armin never stopped staring, and Eren could never really let go.

Eren knows that inherited traits from previous owners of the titans are possible and real. Eren is almost entirely sure that Armin’s affection purely came from Bertholdt. Eren had the same lingering feelings too. Bursts of instincts and thoughts that came out of nowhere. He feels weird with his hair short. All he thinks of his mother is not her love anymore, but guilt. So he clutches the feelings he knows are his own. New as it is, his feelings for Armin are one of the things he’s confident in. One of few.

He’s a compilation of previous Attack Titans now, but he’s still him. Eren is more than a shell, more than a pawn. Still his own self. Still Eren Jaeger. Still his mother’s son.

“Still human.”

“What?”

Eren snaps back and sees Mikasa’s searching eyes. They’re helping around Historia’s orphanage again. The horse he’s brushing is nudging him to continue where he left off.

“Nothing,” Eren mumbles.

Mikasa looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. She drops the hay she was carrying to the feeding bin and steps out of the barn with a worried look.

Eren can’t help but wonder if Armin would’ve said or done something different.

+++

It’s dark, nothing but the moon, the fireflies, and his oil lamp for light. His friends are back at the orphanage having a game night. Eren had said he was tired and wanted to sleep early, then sneaking out to take a walk alone along the dirt path from Historia’s orphanage. Eren feels misplaced in the group, detached. They’re all smiling, having fun, but Eren feels like he’s alone. For all the plan to work, he just needs to keep his mouth shut and trusts Floch and Yelena to carry on the plan.

Eren wishes he could tell someone. Wishes that it didn’t have to be genocide. Wishes he could live to see his dreams coming true and live for them. Wishes he has someone... just someone to cry on. To share his fear because Eren is terrified-

“Eren?”

He didn’t hear anyone coming, he was that deep into his head. Of course, it’s Armin, and of course, he looks worried.

“Oh,” Armin says, sad. “You don’t have to hide when you needed to cry.”

Eren takes a deep breath, taps his face, and turns out the dampness in his face was not from the humidity.

“Talk to me,” Armin is close to begging, but not quite enough for Eren to fold.

Eren can’t talk to Armin, or he’ll say it all, undo a nail in the dam and all the water will break through. All the fears nearly choke him to death if he lets it.

“Do you have small dreams?” Eren asks because he can’t handle doing the talking.

“I do,” Armin says easily. He gestures to one of the trees facing the clearing Eren was heading towards. They sit there, watching the sparse clouds moves. “The sea is one of them,” Armin says once they sat, the oil lap turned off. The moon is full, Eren can see every detail of Armin’s face.

“What else?”

“Well there’s the mountains, and the snowy dunes, Onyakopon says it’s called the artic... I want to travel the world.” Armin looks to the moon with his hopeful eyes, and Eren’s heart is pulled.

Yanked painfully.

“You can do that,” Eren says, trying to smile.

“How about you?”

Eren looks down to his hands, “I’m not a dreamer like you,” He lied terribly, “It’s hard to, isn’t it? We’re still in the middle of the war, there’s a chance we won't make it.” I won’t make it.

Armin furrowed his eyebrows, “This is not the Eren I know,” his voice rising, “The Eren I know won’t give up until he has vengeance! His goals and hopes and dreams! Until he’s free! The Eren I know is always brave!”

Eren grits his teeth, his dead dreams flash in his eyes. “Fine! I’m a coward! I’m setting my expectations realistic Armin! We can’t always have what we want because we’re tied with obligations-”

“Why does it matter! Why is it ever the reason we stopped dreaming, huh?” Armin rises to his knees, looking down at Eren with fury coated with shadows. The moon looms upon his blond hair, tears falling down his face. “And we’re all scared Eren! I don’t think I ever stopped being scared since a Titan peeked from the walls of our home and literally kicked the gate open... the Titan that I am now.” His voice weakens, hands by his side shaking in balled fists.

Eren wants to touch him. Pull him to sit down, wipes his tears, pull him into his arms, curled into him, because yes, Eren is scared too, more than he’s sane to handle sometimes.

“But being brave means that we keep trying despite being scared... Being brave means that we have something to push through fear. That’s why we can’t stop hoping, having dreams! You can’t stop hoping Eren!” Armin sits back down, hands clenching on Eren’s shoulder. “Don’t give up on them! If you do... then... then what do you fight for?” Armin’s voice is broken and desperate.

“For all of you,” Eren says weakly, “I told you that before. I want all of you to be free.”

“But what about you!” Armin shakes his shoulder, “What about your dreams for you!”

“There’s none! Alright?!” Eren snaps, gripping Armin’s hands, and pushes him away. His breath is fast and shallow. A bundle of nerves wanting to run. Stars break behind his lids

“Eren, please!” Armin clutch his wrist, “You have to have something to live for. Don’t...” Armin’s broken voice makes Eren look, not surprised to see Armin looking heartbreakingly sad. “Don’t throw your life away so easily! I know our years are numbered and no one can tell whether we die in this war or not... but I’d-I’d... if we found peace within our years, I’d... want to spend however little left of my life with you.”

A sob came out first before the tears, Eren can’t hold it back. He’s been clutching everything hard so close to his heart that he just couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He wanted to say it all, lay the sins he hasn’t committed, and be loved despite so. He knows Armin would, and he would help. Eren wouldn’t be alone, but he can’t.

Armin will have his dream come true, having peace in his lifetime.

Armin’s war will be over in a few years.

Eren’s war will never end, not till he dies.

“Please, don’t let me hope,” Eren begged.

“But-”

“I can’t have small dreams, I just couldn’t!” Eren snaps again, throwing up all his anger in his throaty scream, “I can’t! I tried Armin but I kept wanting more. I want more and everything! Nothing is ever enough and this fucking war is...” this fucking fate, her fucking wish, “It’ll take everything from me.”

“No, not yet,” Armin says solemnly with new determination, face still wet from crying. “I have a plan okay? Don’t you trust me?”

Eren is thrown again between pain and anger. His scowl rained down with tears. “You know I do!” I’ll betray you but you’ll pull through, I believe you will. “This has nothing to do with it. We... it just... I can’t...”

“Tell me what it is,” Armin begs, “I’ll help it come true, I’ll help in any way I can. Please.” Those honest eyes look at him, tear down the walls he puts up. Why does Armin always make him hopeful? Even though Eren has nothing left in his future? Why?

Why after years of guarding his desires, one look from Armin unravel him instantly?

His heart finally bare of walls, hands clenched so tightly they shake, Eren screamed his soul out, “I WANT TO BE FREE!”

He screams so loud to the blank indifferent sky that his voice echoes. He hadn’t dared voiced that dream of him anymore, knowing he’ll never have it. It was all he wanted, but there’s a chain of fate in his neck.

Even though he’s chained, doesn’t mean he’s muffled. Not anymore, his heart yearns openly. “I want... I want a life! A long life with someone I love. A cabin in a large space in the forest, where the air feels cool in our lungs. I want kids on my own, I want to grow old with someone! Someone that loves me despite who I am,” despite what I’m about to do. “I just want to be myself.... not a weapon, not a soldier, not a tool.” Not fate’s fool. “I just want to live... build a life, build a home, be with someone that cherishes me for me.”

Eren makes a mistake in looking at Armin, finding the blue eyes mimicking the heavy rain pouring from Eren’s. The worst is the despairing look on Armin’s face, the full mournfulness of the usually boyish hopeful look.

Eren’s mouth still loose, the adrenaline from the truth makes him brave, “I want... I want more than just a kiss.” Armin’s expression doesn’t change, still in that heartbroken despair, it’s like he’s not surprised. “I want to go... spend time with you... more than-than just a friend.” At that, Armin finally looks surprised.  Eren’s face burns, but it’s easier to say without the suspense of how well Armin is going to take it. Whether it’s a yes or no, the answer is already chosen by circumstances.

“You-You’d want that?” Armin’s tone in disbelieve.

“Yeah,” he croaks, already sore from screaming.

“I thought...” Finally, Armin looks down, “I thought you were just curious about the kiss, not necessarily me.”

“Well... both of that. The kiss and... you.”

Out of nowhere, Armin barks a laugh, stilling Eren looking at him like he’s crazy. “Geez, I should’ve known. You’re really an all-or-nothing guy.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Eren pouts.

“No, not bad, but by gods, your actions can be baffling sometimes,” Armin smiles. Oh if only he knew.

It’s eerie how they can fall to banter easily, smoothly, and Eren can’t help to imagine a lifetime of this. He tamps it down instantly.

Eren feels oddly lighter, but he knows tomorrow he won’t. He’ll mull about tonight, and nothing will be done about it, then it’ll add to the list of things he broods about.

“Wait,” Armin says, before Eren gets to ask what, a pair of lips landed on him. It’s more chaste than before because Eren still put up his guard. It’s still too sweet and Eren still got poisoned.

They lean back, flushed and a bit breathless. Armin is flustered, nervous, but Eren is carefully stoic, which means he’s despaired.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Eren clips.

“Unlike you, I’m more selfish.”

“You didn’t even like me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And Annie?”

Armin sighs, “I don’t know why... but I just feel if we could’ve had time, me and her could be something.” Eren knows the reason, an indescribable instinct. “But Eren,” His hand grips Eren’s, pinning Eren at place with his gentle touch. “Annie and I didn’t become anything. She’s frozen in a crystal, and you’re here.”

Eren should feel like chopped liver, really, but why is he hopeful instead?

“And I want you.”

Eren watches his best friend, watches closely. Their transparency towards each other goes both ways.

“I know maybe... my feelings aren’t as deep as yours yet, but I still want you.”

Eren finds no lie, and it’s harder to not let his soul soars in joy. Yet.

“Nothing can come out of this.”

“Who says?”

“Armin...”

“See the smaller picture,” Armin put his hands on Eren’s face and his mind stops. “I know you’d always want more, but isn’t having something small is better than not having anything at all? Did you ever regret kissing me the first time?”

“No.” Eren knows he’s utterly defeated yet again by Armin’s wits.

“Would the future you regret kissing me some more?”

Eren weakly smiles, “I-I think future me will thank present me.”

“Well.”

They both lean in this time, knowing what to expect, but still getting surprised by what they get.

Their third kiss is better, both of them anticipate it, both of them wanting. They know better how to slot their bodies together. Their lips were a bit chapped, tasting like the apple pie they had for dessert today. Their hands move more confidently. Eren goes along Armin’s back and jaw, feeling the newly shaved undercut. Armin’s fingers go to his nape, feeling his grown-out hair. Those fingers trail down Eren’s chest and pull his shirt.

Suddenly Eren’s backed against the tree trunk. Momentarily they part their lips, just to look. Eren doesn’t know what Armin is finding that makes him blush and doe-eyed, but what Eren finds is that Armin wants him too. Armin, who could’ve waited for Annie, who could’ve had anyone, wants Eren. No genetic conditioning. No previous titans making him like Eren. This is Armin as he is, wanting Eren as he is.

That’s all he needs. It’s all he wants.

Eren is wanted. Not as a tool. Not as a weapon. Not his power.

Just Eren.

When they kiss again, skin touch skin. Hands pressing on pulses. Their breathing sound loud in the dead of the night. No one is listening but them.

No one stopping them.

In the protective cradle of the forest, they finally get to be curious teens fooling around.

++++

They’re not anything, but not nothing either.

Something noticeably changed between them, but it’s not hard to hide what they are when even they are not sure what they are.

They have nothing but stolen kisses, sneaking out in the night to spend time alone. They don’t really talk, just touches that keep getting bolder. Eren’s feet coming up Armin’s legs under the table as he explains strategies. A hand on Eren’s inner thigh at a group dinner. Sex in the closet. Disappearing at night. Sneaking into each other’s room. Sneaking out in the morning.

Eren admits that feeding his hunger is exhilarating, he’s never felt this alive since he sees the future. Eren would never admit that this happiness scares him.

Eventually, the carpet will be pulled from under his feet, and Eren will have no one to blame but himself.

But Armin was right. Small dreams coming true are still better than dead dreams. Eren is living in his little secret of peacefulness whenever he’s pulled aside where no one can see them.

“Eren,” Armin murmurs, voice hoarse, curling towards Eren for warmth. Eren pulls the blanket over their naked shoulders, shimmying closer. He nuzzles on top of blond hair and smells the sun. Legs bare and long stretching along with Eren’s, Armin rest his temple against Eren’s. Since when did Armin get this tall? Armin plays with Eren’s shoulder-length hair. Since when did his hair get that long?

How did time pass so fast?

“Go back to sleep, it’s still early,” Eren says with familiar affection, a soft spot dangerously tender. He kisses the top of the blond hair by instinct and felt his heart squeeze. He wants to keep Armin here, in his arms, forever.

“I can go back to my room if you want,” Armin offers sleepily, knowing that Eren has been having difficulty sleeping, but not knowing the real reason why.

“Never, stay,” Eren feels a lump in his throat, small mercy grants him for it not to show.

They’re in Eren’s room at the furthest corner of the house that’s far inside the woods. They’re here for Titan experiments, the only other people in the house are Hanji and her assistant.

The window curtains are parted so they can see each other, can’t risk the lamp on to alarm anyone. As always, whenever they’re together, the moon is their only witness.

Eventually, the carpet is pulled from under his feet, Eren has no one to blame but himself. Still, his small dream coming true is still better than nothing at all, Armin was right, nothing surprising there.

He tucked Armin closer to him, caressing his back languidly, not wanting to let go ever. Tears building up his eyes, chest contracting, heart pounding, crying silently.

“I love you, Armin,” Eren says, as clear as saying hello in broad daylight. The body in his arm tensed. Blue eyes still bright even in the dark, open wide in shock, but the softness in his expression means Armin at least expected it.

For a while they say nothing, just stare and touch. Eren’s hands snake up to cup Armin’s jaw that keeps getting more defined. Both of them are nineteen, still growing, and Eren can never see what a handsome man Armin will grow into. Will he keeps his soft features? Or will he has a growth spurt to grow really tall and broad-shouldered? Eren will never have the answer.

But Eren has this.

This Armin that’s his. This Armin wants him. This Armin gave his firsts to Eren and given Eren’s firsts. He’ll take it, he’ll keep it till the day he dies.

Small dreams partially coming true. Is it still better than dead dreams?

“You don’t have to say anything,” Eren adds, knowing he still visits Annie, still has indescribable feelings for her. It doesn’t stop Eren leaning to kiss him by the sunlight roots. This part of Armin will forever be his, Annie can have the rest of Armin’s life.

Armin nuzzles closer, face buried in the crook of his neck. Shaky breaths hit Eren’s skin, arms tightening around his torso.

“I wish we have more time,” Armin’s voice broke, “I wish we’re not.... here.”

Eren hugs him closer, letting his heart falls. He knows Armin doesn’t mean it the same way as Eren would, but he lets himself wishing for it too. Wishing that this was another world, in another time, where they can be something and have more than a decade to live.

“I know. Me too.” Eren doesn’t let himself sob, so he just curled.

They say nothing more. Just holding each other until they fall asleep.

Or, only until Armin does.

Eren counts the seconds to his deep breaths before detaching himself from Armin. He doesn’t look away from Armin, not even when he picked up his clothes from the floor and dresses. Eren let one more tear escape as he put one last kiss on Armin’s temple and lips. Eren tucks him under the blanket and closes the curtains so the morning light won't be too harsh on him.

One last look before he closes the door, let his chest cave in, nurse the hurt that’ll last his short lifetime. Eren takes a deep breath, wipes his tears, and closes the door gently. Too weak for goodbyes.

Eren sneaks out into the stables, sushing the horse with pets and apples he stole from the pantry. Cloak on, hiding his face, he rides out into the pier where Yelena and Floch are waiting for him there.

Eren retraces his plan with Floch, and goes out on the boat with Yelena towards Marley. She hands him the Eldian uniform that fits him suspiciously well. Eren doesn’t hesitate to pierce one of his eyes and cut his leg.

When he’s finally at the Eldian camp, the despair in his eyes is barely acting.

++++

++++

+++

When they meet again, Armin sees him with nothing but betrayal.

No love left there to scavenge.

But, once upon a time, Eren was wanted for the human he is by someone who could’ve chosen anyone.

Those eyes had looked at him fondly. He was precious to someone.

His small dream did come true.

[nahoyaglock]

Frobi selfship headcannons

!!sfw!!

shigabi, tenfro, fronaka, frobishima, inuobi, frokuto, aobi, frotani, fromi, ushibi, frobinoya, katsubi hcs

a/n: sorry for these long ass headcanons, i hope yall enjoy them tho?? also sorry for the reoccurring mention of my terrible paranoia </3 im going through a hard time w it rn, pls excuse me

reblogs on selfship posts are super appreciated!

shigabi

video games

i am his baby! he has a soft spot for me :3

lets me sit in his lap while he plays video games

hc that shigaraki is a twitch streamer instead of a villain and he streams with me on his lap

messy hair, black headset, pajama pants and a black hoodie vs pink tank top, white skirt, pink bows and a fuzzy blanket

we own cats named wario and waluigi >:3

we play ow and animal crossing together

he plays shooters and horror games while i play otome games and rhythm games

watching happy feet and cuddling, lets me lay between his legs as he plays with my hair

calls me brat and baby

cooks me seafood

some days i want him to baby me, other days we go run around at 4am

teases me bc of my height, leanes down to give me kisses

randomly tugs on my hair and pretends he didnt do it throught the day

i kick his ugly ass ankles /j

tenfro

baking, cuddling, horror movies and videos games 24/7

both bullied so we confine in each other and comfrt the other well

hes very caring so he always checks in, even when i seem fine

notices my mood changes

"do you need a hug?" and just hugs me bc he knows i do

he likes to rest his head on my chest when he rants to me

booping noses and interlocked hands ♡

ushijima gives us rides everywhere

their manager, so i have to make sure tendou does well

the other team members are happy im dating tendou, especially ushijima

sitting with tendou on the bus to their matches

kisses and hugs after every match and practice match

lets me wear his jersey bc he hates when other guys look at me

one time terushima tried to flirt w me and he made ushi scare him away

fronaka

hand on ass always.

tries to fight any guy that even comes near me

me, ryu and noya, the trio !

walks me to class with his arm around my waist

basically bestfriends to lovers so we spemd all our time together like we did before we were dating

still a slight kiyoko simp but lmao so am i, we admire her beauty together

brags to the team about me, telling them random things about me

"frobis favorite food are clams!" crosses gis arms proudly

"ryuu, you dumbass" insert me slapping the back of his bald head

saeko teasing him and telling him to treat me well

says "hey bae" and probably uses the devil emoji ajxjzjx

plays with my hair, he loves my curls :D

we prolly have a dog, small dog bc ooi dogs scary,, D:

frobishima

always has an arm around me

denki bestie af !

also one that i can relate to so we can share our experiences and comfort each other

top kin so we get along very well and have alot of the same interests

movie nights w/ the bakusquad

cuddling kiri the whole time and making the rest of them feel single

he likes to pinch my shoulder to get my attention

big smiles and playful biting :D

he probably has alot of my clothes left at his house bc i like wearing his shirts

insert kiri cooking while i back hug him <3

likes to princess carry me, and carries me when im sleepy

thigh kisses bc he loves them alot <3

best an comforting, sings me to sleepy and helps me when i have really bad paranoia </3

true loml

inuobi

walk to school together everyday

sometimes we race

brings me a breakfast bar, sometimes his mom makes me a morning snack too

little pecks and hand holding

we're like two energetic puppies in a relationship

i always attend his games and cheer for him and the boys

insert kuroo, tora, kenma, and kai acting like my dads

me and inu doing puppy eyes for little spoon, he usually gives in and takes big spoon

lots compliments and blushing

"inu, y-you look cute today"

"frobi, you look s-stunning"

comfort buddies!

convinces the coach to let me ride on the bus with them to tournaments

sleppys babies on the back of the bus

members have pictures of us sleeping

sharing a blanket that kai gave to us bc the bus was cold and sharing a scarf that inuoka bought me for winter

frokuto

if hes sad, im sad :( if im sad, hes sad :(((

my energy beam, my number one, my ace 🥺

he loves to hold my small hands in his big ones, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb

he'd walk around at tournaments, big star bo with his tiny cute girlfriend

saru, komi, and konoha give me headpats

bo pouts because they didnt guve him head pats

many pats for the ace!! :D

during lunch i hang w him and akaashi, akaashi having to deal w me and bos shenanigans

lowkey, we probably bring him stress

me and bo go on night time adventures, he drives us <3

brings home ramen after a long day of practice

when hes sad he cries into my chest and i play with his hair

"its okay bo, your still my ace" kisses and more kisses and more kisses

he loves to hold my thumbs and kiss my wrists

always looks for me when he has a match, sees me cheering the loudest for him <3

hes my baby, he'll smiles at me and ill cry

aobi

listener

he lets me talk about my interests and day, i let him talk about his

loves to be supportive, my shoulder to lean on

we take public transportation after school to get to our house

he lets me lean against him and sleep, tired from a long day, he'll wrap his large arm around me

he opened up after a while and smiles more, sometimes he'll lightly giggle, one time i made him laugh for 5 whole mins

hes so golden in my eyes, lake dates, he likes to just walk with me

treats me to food whenever we go out

i help him be more open and push him to be himself, but i respect his boundaries !!!

if he feels uncomfortable he'll poke my back gently

i take him away from the uncomfortable situation and ask what was wrong so that it doesnt happen again

people ask why im dating him bc hes "scary"

my response is a punch to the face

jkjk, its none of their business why, but its bc hes very sweet and kind hearted, who couldn't love an angel like my nobu? :]

frotani

complicated hc?? i have like two ways it could go, my top is def still me being a shiratorizawa girl bc lmao canon !!

met him through levy, (@bigger-simp-than-kazuichi) aoba johsais manager

she introduced me to her besyies, kyo and yahaba

"hey, you're the one they call mad dog?" he hates that now but responds with "yes, im mad dog."

levy invites me to alot of their events if im not busy, lowkey oikawa is salty bc im shiratorizawas manager

kyotani stays at my side, we talk about our days and his live for volleyball

we exchange numbers and he messages me at night, we have hour long conversations till one of us falls asleep

late night calls, he just grumbles and scoffs at anything i say and he just waits for me to sleep before hanging up

confesses to me at a match infront of my team, i just kissed him in response

he visits me whenever he can, and brings me food and gifts

imagine aoba johsai vs shiratorizawa, rip kyo lmao ushi get his ass /j

kyotani likes to hold mt hands and wrap my in his jacket and scarf

barks at anyone who bothers me, loves when i sit on his lap btw

fromi

komi will pick me up over his shoulder and drag me to the room when he wants cuddles

loves horror movies, horror movie marathons any time of the year

he likes and kiss my jaw and hold my thumbs

calls me short when he's not that much taller than me

we curse at each other every 5 minutes

insert sarukui climbing through our windows atleast once a month to have a movie marathon with us

komi likes to slap my head

we probably play fight all the time, definently turns into something more intense

akaashi and konoha break us up and me and komi will be confused

"whats wrong? We were just playing"

"yall were strangling each other"

"we're fineee~"

chaotic, we always look like were fighting or arguing

"fuck you, i hate you" "fuck you too bitch"

holds hands and deep kisses the next second

akaashi lowkey hates dealing with us, bokuto loves us skxj

ushibi

shira and hayato convinced me to join at their manager

the original shiratorizawa manager, ceo of the company 😎

they introduced me to the team, and they took a liking to me

ushijima was by my side alot, helped me with my job and carrying thing especially

he was so kind and even spoke to me, asked if i ate, if i slept well, if i needed anything

didn't realize it was different from what he normally was like until tendou asked about it

one time ushi was walking me home and i asked him about it, but he was definently confused

"i, guess so. your attractive and have a good personality. i would date you."

hes so blunt, awkwardly blunt

so we,, started dating, and now he really never leaves my side

i got haterz bc im THE ushiwakas bby girl 🙈

gives me headpats and kisses before everymatch

lets me wear his team jacket, huge on my small figure

he enjoys our height difference, he thinks i look cute when i look up at him :3

teaches me how to play volleyball, even smiles when i land a good serve

patches me up whenever i get hurt, slight frown if i ever fall

hes,, kinda fatherly? a person w no dad calling someone fatherly sjcjxj lmao 🙈🙈

nurturing and caring, ushi i will kiss you, probably calls me by my full name, fro, manager, baby, and sometimes even brat

frobinoya

hes woke, i just know it

all the characters prolly woke but hes woke asf!!

we run around, literally our whole relationship is mainly just running around and being wild

arcade hangouts after school/practice

he loves arcade games so much, and so do i

we take off guard pictures of each other, also chaotic and blurry pictures

he'll kick me in the butt, que me chasing him till i run out of breath

he likes to support my interests, loves to watch me practice dancing

we wear cat ears and maid outfits and take pictures in his room at like 5am when the sun rises

videos of us kissing and cuddling in his gallery

posts on insta to make ryuu jealous

buys me cute skirts bc he knows i love to look pretty for him !!

im his pretty kitty ♡♡

likes to call me his girly~ and his serotonin

holds my hand whenever im feeling sad and strokes my cheek with his thumb

lowkey has a good voice, sings heather to me while he nuzzles his nose into my jaw

katsubi

random kisses throughout the day

pinky holding bc he likes my small hands

leans over me when he wants a kiss

gets teased by the squad and just endures it bc he likes the way i giggle when they do

head pats ! lots :3

likes to show off infront of class 1-b by holding me close and kissing me

brings me lunches he cooked and likes to feed me

always finds an excuse to be on my team for training or being my training buddy

barks at anyone who tries to train with me /j

walking me to school and home, even brings me over

mitsuki loves it whenever i come over and makes cookies when i do

katsuki helps her make the cookies D: so precious

never kisses infront of his parents bc he doesnt want to deal with their teasing and nagging

sings ballads, will sing me to sleep, probably listens to rap and rnb, some rock, but will sing me some khalid since he knows i love him

probably sung me "can i be him" one night when my paranoia got bad <//3

i laid on his chest and he ran his fingertips up and down my back, singing softly to me until i fell asleep

forehead kiss before he drifted to sleep as well, katsuuuu :( <3

@kekozume @nekosvno

[chronicalanxiety]

[here are their cutie marks and a sketch of their human forms that nobody asked for]

Now here’s a huge ass description for the kids™ if anyone is interested

Zap Apple

Rainbow and Applejack's first-born child and Lil' Cheese's best mate. Zap is a daydreamer and has a gentle soul, he's that one ripped nerd that likes writing and drawing things just for the sake of it. Exploring and discovering new things and places is what really makes his eyes glow (history and geography hoe), so he can be usually seen carrying his saddlebag around all the time (you never know when you're gonna need sketching and exploring supplies). Zap also loves puzzles and is a huge fanboy of Daring Do Books like Dash (and adventure books in general. AJ swears it's because Rainbow used to read so many Daring Doo adventures to her belly when she was pregnant). While he can be smart, he tends to over-thinks things, Zap has a wide imagination and is easily one of the most compassionate ponies around, though he used to be easily coaxed into fights or manipulated by his feelings. Like a good apple family member, the boy loves farm life and has a strong fraternal instinct, but his nature just doesn't allow him to settle there, though he still finds some peace whenever he's back in the environment he grew up in.

Random facts:

- Zap loved wearing his Ma's hat so much that she gave one for him as a gift in a Hearts Warming;

- He lost part of his his right ear to a bad fall when he and some friends went exploring one of his first off-limits area;

- Loves collecting comic books and stamps;

- AJ entered labor right during a Zap Apple harvest (Yep, that's exactly how he got his name);

- Inherited AJ's stare and lie detector;

- Upon noticing Zap's resemblance to his great grandmother, Rainbow nicknamed him Baby Smith.

Applejoy

Rainbow and Applejack's middle child. Applejoy doesn't take her name for granted, she's a total sunshine and bringing people happiness is what really makes her happy. She tends to be famous for getting a bunch of bruises all the time and being a little too reckless, so much so she lost two of her teeth out of pure clumsiness when she was little and had to wait until they began to grow to get them back (still has the best smile), and she also used to break her flying goggles at least once a week. The girl is also very outspoken and sincere, though it can end up being a problem sometimes. Applejoy is the family's Poly Athlete and has strong and fast wings (as well as legs, the girl is speed itself), she doesn't do very well in school but makes for it in sports and is very disciplined when it comes to it (Rainbow is her personal coach for every occasion). She hates losing, but tries her best to be a good sport and not to show she's upset most of the time. It was also awfully difficult for Applejack to handle her being all over the place when she learned how to use her wings (no need to say she was very grateful when her next child was born an earth pony).

Random facts: - Inherited Rainbow's habit of napping on trees (Applejack didn't like the idea, she was always concerned her children were gonna fall and hurt themselves for being too cloud-headed);

- Loves to indulge in her mother's sugary treats;- Rainbow started calling her junior (or AJJ) because her name abbreviation is the same as her ma's. No need to say the nickname was a success;

- Sleepwalker;

- The bandana she uses around her neck is a part of the fabric of an old sheet she used to nap with;

- Likes a bunch of crafts, specially wood-carving, but isn't really gifted at most of them (doesn't matter because she always tries her best every time).

Cider Splash

Rainbow and Applejack's youngest child and Tank's best buddy. Cider Splash a performer at heart, he's a innate dancer and plays multiple instruments very decently, he's the loudest of the bunch in every way and talks everyone's ears off (some conversations can also turn into musical numbers for no apparent reason). He's the most headstrong and stubborn out of the three, so he'll almost always get really deep into a project (or anything, really) when he sets his mind in it. He has blessed hoofs like AJ and is by far the one who ends up helping with the applebucking stuff the most, though he has a natural charm with the farm animals and prefers playing with them (his love for animal plushies wasn't taken for granted). He also indulges in cooking (mostly by Big Sugar's influence). Cider was always jealous of his sibling's ability to fly, so RD tries to compensate by taking him for a ride every once in a while and making sure he's the first one to get Wonderbolts tickets whenever they perform.

Random facts: - His love for music started when Applejack bought him a toy guitar to get him out of his tantrums when he was little. Later, his grandpa Bow Hothoof gave him a mini drum set as a birthday gift. AJ and RD weren't very happy when he started playing it all the time and making a bunch of noise, but they eventually saw potential in it and started investing in his inate talent;

- No need to say cider is his favorite drink ever;

- His bandana was a handmade gift from his Aunt Applebloom.

Florence

Fluttershy's big baby and Agate's older step-sister. Florence is a very resourceful and hard-working young mare, though she tends to spends way too much energy worrying about results and is almost constantly on the verge of outright panic (she's usually seen gritting her teeth or generally flipping out, no need to say she does not fare well under stress, specially when she is given a task to complete). Florence is known to be very sensible and intelligent, and even though she sometimes puts her own paranoia before common sense, she usually manages to find logical solutions to problems. She learned how to deal with stress by canalizing it into something productive, thanks to Rarimom (which ended up being another source of anxiety, ironically). She also has very strong beliefs, and when forced to question them, she becomes very upset. Despite that, Florence is extremely loyal and kind and will go out of her way to help other ponies.

Random facts: - Her scarf was given by Rarity, it made her feel safe when she was little, and she still uses it until this day (Her moms had to bribe with her in order to get her to let them clean and wash it after months of using it non-stop);

- Probably has OCD;

- She has also been known to retreat into her imagination when under extreme stress, often picturing peaceful, grassy fields or tranquil landscapes to calm herself down.

- Florence loves her coffee, tea and Fluttermum's pets more than her life (She loved growing up around pets, they still give her a sense of calm and relaxation. Her mom used to use them to calm her down when she was crying or couldn't sleep, she would almost always fall asleep after caressing some pet's ear for a while)

Agate

Rarity’s most precious gem and Florence’s little step-sister. Agate has been a very independent gal since she was little, she has been described as curious, monotone and sarcastic, and also appears to be more logical and mature than some of her peers, typically being the one to call them out on their ignorance, she’s inclined to remain passive and stoical to most things that happen around her. She has a fuckton control over her emotions and wears a neutral expression about 80% of the time, but is actually a pretty chill gal and has a very good (and weird) sense of humor. Agate has a great eye for photography (specially Avant-garde stuff) and turns out working as a professional photographer in the future.

Random facts: - Lowkey a huge mystery fan and computer nerd;

- Has a huge soft spot for Fluttermom's pets since she first came in contact with one, she can’t help but to smile the whole time she’s around them;

- Discord's favorite gal right next to Fluttershy.

Lil' Cheese

So let's get this out of the way, the script says Lil' Cheese is a colt, but many people see them as a filly, so they ended up being non-binary in my headcanon because I couldn't decide their gender (but go with whatever suits you better).

"Don't worry, Zap and Cheese got another infallible plan". Cheesecake, AKA "Lil' Cheese", is first and foremost known for the ability to talk their ass off anytime of the day for whatever reason (they used to spend most of their time besides their mom, so no need to mention that they practically picked up all her goofiness and energy by osmosis), they're also an excellent actor and are known as "The God of Puns". They’re generally a popular and gifted student, however, they're foul-mouthed and kind of competitive (but despite that, they are generally well liked and always looking after their friends). Lil' Cheese uses their innate talent for comedy and natural charm and charisma to help attract attention to their mum's bakery. Cheese had pretty deep random conversations with Pinkie since very little, so they turned out to be a pretty good conversationalist and improviser.

Big Sugar/Little Mac

I don't really have a very elaborate description for him (sorry peeps), but I imagine Sugar as a very sweet (pun intended) Big Baker Boy that loves cooking (and eating, most of all). He has that big bro energy and always gives the best hugs, but can also have with no mercy when messing around with his peers. He's very well liked around Ponyville and known for his extroverted and warm nature, though he may care way to much about other's opinions and tends to take a lot of them personally. Being a proud member of the Apple Family, he's the embodiment hard-work and loves working on the farm, but his heart always feel in the right place whenever he's preparing meals for other ponies.

----------

Okay, so quick backstory time about how Flarity happened in this canon.

Fluttershy was going through a very rough time with her previous marefriend, she always wanted to have a child of her own, and seeing her friends having some of their own made her even more eager to have one, so she found a sperm donor and conceived Florence with the consent of her partner at the time. Their relationship didn't get any less toxic even after Florence was born, so as a good friend, Discord felt the obligation to intervene (along with the rest of the elements of harmony) and convince Fluttershy to just end it and let go, as it wasn't doing any good for both her and the kid. When she finally got out of it, Discord and Rarity were the ones who helped Flutters to heal the most.

Meanwhile, Agate was the product of Rarity's previous marriage with Fancy Pants and was conceived as the last hope for their doomed marriage. Turns out having a child didn't save their relationship and they ended up divorcing, both going their separate ways with their own lives and businesses, however, it was a healthy separation and they remained in good terms with each other. Rarity took this separation as a way to get to know more about herself and to spend more time bonding with her daughter, having a break from her business life and letting Sassy Saddles and some other employees take the wheel for a little while, though she didn't stop playing her part on the creative side. During the time Fluttershy was going through her healing process, she and Rarity reconnected and some gay stuff happened. By the time the series ended they were probably on the dating phase and close to engagement. They eventually marry and join their families together.

Also Discord's still a very close friend of the couple and helps them and the kids whenever and in whatever way he's able to. He loves spending time with the kids, specially Agate, who finds his chaotic energy specially amusing.

[lawbreaker13]

Why is everybody so upset with Stormy Weather 2? This was like a super important episode??

Seriously guys, I don’t know what the problem is. There are flashback episodes in basically every show, but this was a crazy important marker for Miraculous Ladybug. I’m gonna go into detail about everything that was learned, but I just want to start by saying that what this episode did for us indefinitely was set itself on a timeline. It explicitly stated that everything through Chris Master happened within a year-and-a-half timeframe before this episode. It also set Marinette in a place where she’s officially declared, in writing, that she and Adrien are “just friends.” Like, she used Adrien’s “just a friend” line. And we know how this show is with parallels, so I count that as a pretty big one.

I’m gonna get more into this now though, so here we go.

Right off the bat we have the idea of change. Chloe taunts Marinette with the idea that she’ll never change (and we all know how much Marinette likes to challenge Chloe’s words). The word “change” is something that is brought up throughout the whole episode, so watch out for that.

We have Marinette genuinely reflecting. Like not just thinking on her rooftop and complaining about how Chat Noir is a glutton and would drop his guard for a couple of macaroons, she’s really thinking over her life’s choices. It’s framed in such a different light than the way we normally get our characters thinking.

“Adrien has become a true friend.” “Adrien’s become a friend who I can talk to about anything.” “Can you still be in love with someone even after they become your friend? Do you think I’ll ever be able to tell him that he means much more to me than ‘just a friend?’” This is what Marinette thinks of relationships. She thinks that the friends-to-lovers trope is crap and that you have to dive straight into a relationship. And that’s why whenever Adrien talks about her as a friend she becomes so heartbroken. She doesn’t think it’s a step in the right direction, she thinks it’s completely on the opposite end of the spectrum.

I don’t know WHAT Gabriel is plotting with “Ms. Tsurugi” or whether that means Kagami or her mom, but I’m a little terrified.

"Things may not be going exactly as we had planned, but change can be a good thing.” Gabriel’s first line is about change. Hm.

Nathalie’s entire monologue gives us so much background I don’t even know where to start.

She’s starting to regret having taken the job in the first place

She really, genuinely cares about Adrien

She officially, canonically, is in love with Gabriel and it’s because his dedication to his wife is admirable which show how much of a detail-oriented person Nathalie is because WOW she’s missing the big picture here, and also that there is going to be some major love triangle stuff going on towards the end of this between Gabriel, Emilie, and Nathalie (but how might that work?? Redemption arc??? Prison marriage????)

Emilie’s condition is progressively getting worse

Nathalie is still getting sicker, despite only having used the peacock miraculous once (on-screen)

(Also, side-note, hearing Nathalie speak so much at once was like an out-of-body experience for me and her passionate voice about Gabriel was...something)

Adrien really just wants to talk to his dad about his day and their relationship is so screwed up that he can tell by LESS THAN a side glance that Gabriel doesn’t want to hear it from him. Like geez.

Gabriel can recognize familiar emotions. So...does an emotion from Chat Noir feel the same as emotion from Adrien??? Guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Nooroo just wants to see Gabriel and Adrien happy together. Gabriel is a dick. This is not new information, just needed to be reiterated again.

Also, save Nooroo, please.

Gabriel does in fact have the ability to feel remorse. However, he chooses to ignore it, in his own words “at any price.” The only things worth changing his mind are his family, though he does care about Nathalie too. We’ll see how well that holds up.

“People don’t change, they only grow.” Huh. Episode themes from Gabriel Agreste.

“My father will never change.” YOU GUYS PICKING UP ON A THEME HERE????

Plagg’s “I like people who never change. You always know what to expect!” is first off, adorable, second, reverse psychology. He does this to Adrien consistently throughout the series. Considering he’s the one who keeps trying to change Adrien’s mind about Ladybug, he obviously knows what he’s saying isn’t entirely truthful. But Plagg is an adorable, cheese-loving psychopath. Whatcha gonna do?

On the complete other end of that, Plagg talking Adrien through all the ways he’s changed shows how much he cares about him again.

Why Plagg is defending Gabriel, I don’t know. But this is definitely something to note. Does he really think Gabriel is changing for the better? Is Gabriel supposedly changing for the better? (I vote no) Is he unintentionally setting Adrien up for disappointment in a later episode? Guess we’ll see!

Side note, Plagg pretending not to know Marinette’s name is one of my favorite things. It’s not like he can’t say it because Tikki can talk about Adrien, he just chooses not to. And he knows very well who she is. This was confirmed in Weredad.

The scarf has been brought up again. Everybody note this immediately.

ZAG does, in fact, have somewhat of a legitimate animation budget. That volcano is sick.

Of all the villains to use as a filler, Stormy Weather was a solid choice, you all have to admit. Especially when you contrast the repetition of a villain to the episode’s theme.

Ladybug puns. This has been confirmed.

“A little change is good, don’t you think?” HMMMMMMM. Just think about how this was followed by the line “I love that girl.” HMMMMMMM.

Nino and Alya chill on Alya’s bed. Nino never regrets meeting Alya. He loves his girlfriend. Alya loves her boyfriend. They are one of the sweetest canon couples ever to exist.

Nino has a flirty voice he uses on Alya. This is important information.

I don’t want to get into what would’ve happened had the twins not burst the door open, but I want this thought to be noted.

Nino has been adopted by the Cesaire family.

Chloe literally stands on her rooftop with a bat signal every time there’s an akuma. Obsessive much?

"There’s nobody nicer than me!” *cue reel of Chloe being the worst human in the country* is honestly one of the best jokes in this series.

“Once a villain, always a villain,” has an incredible amount of significance but it can pretty much be summed up into the idea that Chloe doesn’t understand change.

Ladybug knows that she and Chat Noir know each other really well now. She reflects on how much they trust each other, literally with their lives, and how their relationship is the reason they have new powers and fighting abilities.

Also, character development. Did anybody see that super soft look Ladybug gave Chat Noir when he said he always agrees with her? Would Ladybug have stopped to admire anything about Chat Noir 2 seasons ago? HMMMMMM.

I would like it to be noted that professional cinematography equipment is several thousands of dollars and it physically hurts me to think of that camera screen breaking in the cold.

Apparently you can take down a super villain with a photocopier and a pencil. Take notes, people.

Alya’s sisters have an akuma victory dance. More important info.

Marinette has gathered up enough courage to write Adrien a note. Last episode she tried to express her feelings. She very well had it in her to do that again, and what she chose to do was to make it clear that they were just friends. She wants Adrien to know that they’re on the same page. It’s in writing. And in Adrien’s hands.

“Good job, we’ve got ourselves a new and improved Marinette!” Change, anyone???

“She’s always been that way. She never changes.” HMMMMM.

Plagg wants Adrien to move on. He’s genuinely trying to convince him by reminding him of how Ladybug is not interested. But maybe there are other girls out there? Hint hint.

*Looks at valentine from Marinette* “You can’t just change your feelings just like that.” *conveniently timed note from Marinette arrives* GUYS. IT’S CALLED SYMBOLISM. Or something like that. Also foreshadowing.

Now this I need to explain super in-depth because there are so many complaints about this part. Adrien was just looking between the two notes. He knows how Marinette gets around him and he knows how it compares to when she’s talking to Chat Noir or Alya. He remembers things from Troublemaker. And he’s holding the two notes in his hands at that moment. Incredibly similar handwriting. He thinks. He remembers how she had pictures of him in her room. And he consciously knows that the valentine he got in response to his own is not from Ladybug. He knows it’s from someone at school. Doesn’t think, he knows. Adrien has figured it out. “No, Marinette couldn’t possibly be in love with me,” he says sadly with slight question in his voice. “She’s just a friend who loves fashion. Besides. There’s Luka.” *cue flashbacks of Adrien watching Marinette and Luka on a date, with the absolute saddest music I have ever heard play in this show playing in the background while he reflects* Guys. This is how Adrien thinks. This is what Adrien thinks of relationships. He believes that you can only like one person at a time. He can’t like Marinette, he likes Ladybug. And Marinette can’t like him, she likes Luka. He DID figure it out. The only reason he dismissed it is because he doesn’t understand her feelings. He doesn’t understand that love isn’t clear-cut, finite, one-and-done. He knows for a fact that she went out with Luka once, so how could she like both of them? That’s not possible...is it?

And are you telling me that “It’s just a person that has similar writing, that’s all,” wasn’t spoken in the most melancholic, disappointed tone of voice that Adrien has ever used on anyone other than his father?

Adrien’s 14. Marinette is 14. They don’t understand life. They don’t understand how complex feelings and relationships are. They think you fall in love with your soulmate and it’s golden from there. They’re dumb kids, but they’re not stupid. Adrien did figure it out. But he can’t bring himself to believe it. He doesn’t understand. And be honest. Did you understand when you were 14?

A couple side notes about the episode that didn’t fit directly into my play-by-play.

That valentine thing went full-circle. Dark Cupid was the first episode with any real lovesquare plot-progression and here we have the exact same setup, but this time with internal monologuing. We start with Marinette reading Adrien’s letter and end with Adrien reading Marinette’s letter. Just like we did in Dark Cupid, but this time it’s in reflection. It’s a parallel. I’m not fabulous at analysis, but I do know this much. Parallels.

This was a Valentine’s Day episode in the same way that Chris Master was a Christmas episode. Themed but not centered. It was a nice change of pace if you ask me.

The end card is always kind of a mini-synopsis of the episode. In this one, we see Marinette, confident and proud of herself for accepting Adrien’s friendship, and Adrien, staring longingly at a valentine that he knows isn’t from Ladybug, wondering if it could possibly, possibly be from Marinette. Huh. That feels a little backwards, doesn’t it?

And I’m just still so stuck on how sad that music was with the Luka flashback. Like, that kinda hurt to listen to??? Wow Adrien.

Side note, I just...I can't get over this. When you were a kid and you heard someone liked you (let alone was in love with you) did you believe it? I'm an adult and I wouldn't believe it if someone told me they liked me. When you feel as unloved as Adrien does every single day, the idea of a good friend of yours being completely in love with you sounds almost...too good to be true, doesn't it? Why should he think she likes him? Especially since he’s just drawing that conclusion on his own?

I personally would like to believe that the reason the rest of the episodes have been postponed is so that we can mull this over for a little while until the rest of them come out. Because from this point forward, there will be some changes. And speaking of which.

CHANGE. Can we all agree that that’s what this episode was about? Why would they place it on a timeline otherwise? Why would they explain to us what came before unless we’re supposed to know what comes after? IT’S THE CONTINUITY THAT WE’VE BEEN ASKING FOR. ACCEPT YOUR GIFTS.

This is the best continuity and information we’ve been given since episode one. And it’s set up in a way that my 6-year-old cousin could understand perfectly. It’s a show for everyone, guys. And this episode was the perfect example of it.

I personally think this is one of the best episodes thus far. In fact, if it weren’t for my Marichat-loving heart, it would be number one by a long-shot. Of COURSE they needed a recap episode. Because if they didn’t have one, do you know what we’d say? “Oh, but Thomas Astruc says there IS no continuity! Did he LIE???” Let the man win for once. We asked. It was delivered. This. Is. Continuity. This. Is. Character development. This. Is. Plot. This. Is. Miraculous.

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 36 Review: The Séance

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

Welcome back to my Garden of Evil and thank you for patiently waiting for me to return to reviewing Strange Paradise. It’s been a wild and chaotic past few weeks and I’ve just gotten around to returning to the course of events on Maljardin. And Great Serpent, this time we have one hell of a wild episode!

Because I already miss the bad puns in the earlier episodes.

Of all the episodes of this show, this one is my #1 favorite. It embodies everything I love about Maljardin-era SP: it stars Colin Fox as both Jean Paul and Jacques, features some delightful Jacques scenes, and is genuinely suspenseful and scary. There are also unintentional laughs as usual, but somehow none of them detract from the frightening moments. If I had to introduce SP to someone who had never seen it before (say, my mom, who only knows a little about it), I would use this episode, not the pilot which (IMO) is less scary and far more ridiculous. The magic of Ian Martin’s SP is on full display here. Although he doesn’t leave the show immediately after this episode, it feels like a last hurrah, and a spectacular one at that. You know you want to read about this episode, so what are you waiting for?

We open with Vangie napping on the couch shortly after the events of the previous episode. Over her, Jean Paul and Alison are arguing about whether to go through with the séance to contact Erica. Alison begs him not to because of the risk of death, but Jean Paul insists on pushing through with it anyway because, as Raxl recaps, “The Conjure Woman didn’t see her death, only [Jacques’].” Jean Paul interprets this as meaning that he himself might die, but it’s not clear if he truly believes this or if he’s trying to cover up his frequent possession by the handsome devil.

Vangie recovers and announces that she plans on going through with it, no matter what happens. Still angry from last episode, Matt protests and Jean Paul gives him this nasty smirk that reeks of passive aggression:

Either that, or Colin is trying hard not to laugh. I can’t tell.

“This is not your concern, Reverend,” Jean Paul spits, and Vangie agrees with him. Although she knows that she will one day die on the Island of Evil, she feels that the séance is her duty as the Conjure Woman.

Matt once again reveals his status as the Fool (or, rather, le Mat) when he remarks that Jean Paul and Jacques are indistinguishable “except by [their] manner of dress.” Evidently, he hasn’t considered the possibility that THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES can possess Jean Paul and thus wear the exact same clothes as him. In fact, Padre, he’s worn that same extremely flattering blue suit before when talking to you, and you don’t even know it.

Jean Paul orders Vangie to begin the séance and we get a lovely overhead shot of the glass-top table. I’ve already posted high-quality photos of the table, but I love it so much that the laws of obsessive fandom require me to post it again:

Oh, how I love that table and those chairs. Actually, I love the whole Maljardin set.

Jean Paul volunteers to help Vangie, Raxl, and Quito set up, which seems to surprise them because otherwise he spends no time cleaning up after himself and all his time brooding, throwing glasses at priceless artifacts, and--of course--getting possessed. Elizabeth and Holly see them setting up, and the former heads down the stairs to watch.

Elizabeth is wearing this fabulous ensemble with a checkered dress and a red scarf pinned with a brooch in the shape of a dahlia. It most likely came from her actress Paisley Maxwell’s own wardrobe, as she mostly wore her own clothes on the show and even provided some costumes for the other actresses. (LINK CONTAINS SPOILERS THROUGH THE END OF MALJARDIN)

A shot with a better view of her brooch.

Vangie tells Jean Paul that the room needs to be dark, and that the only light in the room during the ceremony should be candlelight. Cue Jean Paul glancing up to the chandelier precariously suspended directly over the glass-top table:

If this isn’t painfully obvious foreshadowing, then I don't know what is.

The chandelier even sways ever so slightly as he stares at it!

Holly asks if she, her mother, Dan, and Tim can attend, and Vangie tells them no! According to her, they are all “disruptive influences” who will derail the séance, which will likely be too frightening for her anyway. Jean Paul tells Elizabeth to go, too, which she takes as a personal attack because Jacques has tricked her into believing that he’s in love with her.

LMAO

They are almost ready to begin the ceremony, but first, we need more blatant foreshadowing! We need Jean Paul to glance up at the swaying chandelier again, apparently without thinking of the slight chance that it might fall and cause an accident:

Seriously, Jean Paul? You have an IQ of 187. You should know better.

This is some heavy-handed foreshadowing, even for a show that constantly reminds us that Jacques Eloi des Mondes is THE DEVIL and cuts to close-ups of him every other time THE DEVIL is mentioned. I think you can guess what will happen about halfway through this episode. I normally try to avoid spoilers and to warn about any that I include or link to, but let’s face it. You know that chandelier is going to come crashing down at some point in the episode, because of all the emphasis that the script and the cinematography have already put on it. It’s a foregone conclusion. And I’m sorry, but Jean Paul with his alleged super-genius IQ has no excuse. Move the table! Have Quito tighten the chain! Replace the chandelier with a single candle or small candelabrum on the table! Do something to lower the chances of the accident that we all know is coming!

Vangie begins the séance to contact Erica.

After commercial break (hence the lack of the Drive-In Classics logo), the séance begins. We have Jean Paul, Vangie, Raxl, and Quito, plus Alison and Matt and an empty chair for Erica’s spirit. It’s a marvelous scene with just the right amount of eerie atmosphere, which Vangie’s hypnotic voice only enhances. They bridge the divide between the worlds of the living and the dead and all seems like it will succeed, but then

The third one is my favorite.

Jean Paul contorts his face again as he tries to resist Jacques’ possession of him, but ultimately his efforts are in vain:

Jacques’ beringed hand attacking Jean Paul. This also means that the chain created when the séance participants joined hands has been broken.

Matt asks Jean Paul what’s wrong and Jacques answers. “Everything is under control now,” he whispers with evil relish.

“No! Not now! NOT NOW!” Vangie screams, and then comes the inevitable:

Well, there goes one of Jean Paul’s astrological sign tables. Good thing he has another in storage.

I’m not going to lie: the first time I watched this scene, I shouted “No!” when the chandelier fell, even though I could see it coming. Somehow, despite the foregone conclusion and Jean Paul’s ridiculous headache faces, the scene creates enough suspense and horror to be effective. Plus, if you’re like me, you care about Vangie and don’t want to see anyone hurt her, even if that someone is 6′4″ with amazing cheekbones, a devilishly sexy smile, and the most beautiful hands on any man living or dead.

The power also goes out at the same time, and the handsome devil denies all responsibility for it despite his history of screwing with the electricity:

Classic Jacques sarcasm.

Conveniently, the lights come back on a moment later. They come just in time for Alison and Matt to tend to Vangie, whom the chandelier has knocked unconscious:

You can tell her injury is serious even before her close-up, because the Reverend is in shirtsleeves.

A close-up, showing the blood on Vangie’s forehead.

Jacques tells Holly that there was nothing seriously wrong with the electricity, and Dan flips out on him, insisting that “one day you’re going to blow us all up.” (Does he suspect that Jean Paul is somehow playing with the lights?) Jacques insists that even he can’t afford to buy a nuclear weapon. The fact that he knows what a nuclear weapon is serves as yet more evidence that he’s really the Devil and not a ghost from the 17th century (although, if he were a ghost, perhaps he would have overheard Jean Paul talking about nuclear weapons before).

I think that this is one of maybe two times that I ever envied Holly.

Vangie stands up, but doesn’t say a word to any of the characters, just stares blankly ahead of her. She doesn’t even react when Alison slaps her. Jacques cruelly snaps his fingers in front of her, which Alison demands he not do because it might cause her to be “destroyed, locked into a world of darkness, less living than dead.” She adds that “[she] can’t help but thinking that what happened to her is so like [Quito],” and turns to face the zombie who is watching the now cataleptic Conjure Woman, horrified:

It makes you wonder what sort of traumatic memories from Quito’s human life the sight of Jacques turning Vangie into a zombie evoked. Also, we never learn who turned Quito into a zombie in the show canon, but this scene shows that Jacques knows how and is therefore a possible candidate.

This is yet another point where the plot of the aired episodes differs from the original story as indicated in the Lost Episode summaries. In the original Episode 36, Vangie would have revealed Jacques’ possession of Jean Paul to all the participants at the séance, thus confirming for Raxl that Jean Paul is two different men. I suspect that Matt would refuse to believe it because of his lack of belief in devils and Dan because it sounds irrational and like a cover-up for Jean Paul’s alleged crimes, but Raxl, Vangie, and possibly Alison would have the evidence they needed.

Anyway, Jacques and most of the others leave Quito to clean up the mess while they have some drinks in the dining room. Mostly, it’s Jacques trying to pressure everyone into drinking while trying to gaslight them into believing that there was a storm outside even though there wasn’t. They’re not buying it, least of all Dan, who now has yet another reason to be suspicious of him.

I should also add that Part 3 of the YouTube version of this episode (which contains this scene) is out of sync, meaning that most of the subtitles are combined with the wrong shots and the wrong characters. Sadly, we don’t get anything on the level of “NO NO NO YES YES YES,” but the out-of-sync audio does make Dan’s accusation almost look like Jacques is confessing to making the chandelier fall:

YES YES YES

He offers brandy to both Matt and Holly, but Matt tells him not to give it to either of them, so Jacques brings the glasses he just filled over to Elizabeth instead.  He starts talking about how no one was hurt, meaning that she has to remind him that Vangie was injured. Still, “she wasn’t really seriously injured,” so I guess for him it doesn’t count. He sends her away and starts to drink, which I guess lets Jean Paul recover his body because he de-possesses him, finally letting Jean Paul see the mess he left behind.

I already posted a lot of headache faces in this entry, so here I’m just going to include my favorite from this scene.

For a moment, Jean Paul looks like he’s going to cry, but his sadness turns to shock when Quito shows him the writing box. The wooden box which previously only held sand, now bears a message written in grains of rice in the shape of the symbol of the Great Serpent. Quito appears terrified by the message, but sadly he can’t translate it for Jean Paul. Raxl, too, freaks out when she sees it and says it’s “from the Conjure Man, but he needs the Conjure Woman to translate it and she’s still in a trance!”

Apparently, the Conjure Man communicates in grains of rice.

Although she can’t translate the whole message, she can tell Jean Paul, “It tells of more accidents. Spirits are very angry...with you!”

This final scene, like the scene with the crashing chandelier, is genuinely chilling, resulting in one of the scariest episodes of the Maljardin arc. This is one of SP’s finest episodes and certainly one of Ian Martin’s finest from his nine-week period as headwriter. I’m not certain what led the producers to decide to have Vangie enter a trance instead of revealing Jacques’ possession to the other characters, but most likely it was to increase the suspense and the terror. Also, I’m starting to wonder if perhaps Quito isn’t actually undead, but instead is an immortal like Raxl (and Vangie?), but stuck in a magically-induced trance. Perhaps when he recoiled in fear over Vangie’s transformation, it was because Jacques (or perhaps the Conjure Man) did the same exact thing to him three centuries ago.

Coming up next: Jacques continues to meddle in affairs on Maljardin while Raxl struggles to interpret the writing box. (But before then--hopefully--the next part of my review of Shadow Over Seventh Heaven.)

{<- Previous: Episode 35  ||  Next: Episode 37 ->}

[taeeditz]

Diabolik Lovers AU

Dun Dun Dunnnn~! Diabolik Lovers housemates AU! In this AU the DL boys will all be *drum roll please* Housemates! They are all humans with normal pasts but still have their “abnormal” personality’s! Also they all keep their blood relations with each other (mostly, some things will probably be changed)~ Shu: sleeps everywhere! On top of stairs which often leads to non-vampire, Ayato not noticing him and tripping over him thus falling down the stairs. Has a childhood friend named (Edgar or Yuma I still haven’t got anything planned for that yet so we’ll go with Yuma for now) they are still close but most of their “caring” is shown in the form of bickering, he hates vegetables which leads to Yuma constantly nagging at him to eat them. Always complains about being cold. Reiji: (most things about AU Reiji are actually canon facts) Does most of the cooking/cleaning, always ends up cooking sweets for Kanato since he blackmails him with temper tantrums, is also blackmailed into cooking for Ayato, but Ayato just threatens to attempt cooking by himself. (never ever let the Triplets and Subaru in a kitchen!!!) Does a lot of tutoring due to an irrational fear of a witch hunt (Canon) doesn’t like to bring people to his house for tutoring due to all the chaos and distractions. Ayato: Still calls himself “yours truly”. Loves Takoyaki (idk if I spelt it right) is always talking(mostly about how great he is) but is mostly ignored (doesn’t stop him) has Twitter. Tweets everything!!! Has a pretty large Twitter following!!! Will Tweet everyone’s Secrets!!! Always has his phone!!! Kanato: creepy af! Leaves creepy dolls in the most random and horrifying places (bathroom, bedrooms, closets, etc) always scares off Laito’s dates (not really on purpose) loves all things sweet but gets nagged by Reiji since they aren’t good for his teeth. Is totally popular amongst the goths/emos but doesn’t really care. Laito: total perv! Has every dating site you could think of! Even the Christian only ones (he lies in his description) Gets annoyed with Kanato a lot since he always scares off his dates (more like hook-ups) *Laito sitting on a couch with an arm over Random girls shoulders, cue Kanato walking in with a creepy doll asking Laito about if a porn magazine he found was him, cue girl making an excuse to leave* likes to pick on Subaru. Subaru: Has Tumblr but would kill to keep it a secret. Gets into a lot of fights (is tough but still human so he always has cuts/bruises on him) wears skater gloves to protect his hands cuz, well, he’s human. Fits in well with the emos, plus likes anime but would also kill to keep it a secret. Ruki: total mom friend! Has a secret Pinterest that he thinks no one knows about but everyone does, they just don’t tell him for shits and giggles. Acts cool, calm and collected but everyone thinks he probably has a weird kink and they place bets on what it could be. Probably has daddy issues. Kou: works as an Idol which leads to his housemates getting annoyed with all the fan-mail, plus fans randomly showing up. Acts super nice but always finds ways to cause drama between people. (eating Ayato’s Takoyaki and blaming Subaru) Enjoys picking on Subaru, plus eats a ton of junk and leaves his trash everywhere! Yuma: Shu’s childhood friend, grows all the vegetables himself and gets mad when Shu refuses to eat them. Kinda a “gentle giant” but would kill if he was pissed off. Is in a farmers Facebook group. Doesn’t let people leave the house on rainy days without making sure they have an umbrella. Azusa: baby of the household, total masochist, has a lot of scars. Always try’s to get Subaru or Shin to punch him. Doesn’t eat much which makes Yuma worry. Is pretty popular with girls since they find him adorable. Carla: glares!!! At!!! Everyone!!!! Always wears a scarf. “Looks like he could kill you but he’s actually a cinnamon roll” (who could still kill you if he so pleased) grabs people’s arms when he needs to take them somewhere but has a surprisingly soft grip. Ignores people for books/music, likes looking at paintings, listens to folk music and doesn’t understand why people make fun of him for it. Shin: Loves!! Peanut!!! Butter!!!! Will eat peanut butter straight from the container, kinda has a brother complex, loves dogs. Tends to bring random strays home with him but is always made to take them to a shelter. Gets scared by Azusa asking him to punch him. Will agree with anything Carla says. No matter what it is. (Note: anyone is free to write this idea if they want to but give idea credits and message me cuz I’d totally want to read it)

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Reconstructing Claire

Summary: Lost fic. After their escape from the island, whilst getting ready to rejoin society, Kate and Claire begin the process of putting a very broken Claire back together again. In doing so, they perhaps put Kate back together again as well.

Post-finale, canon compliant. No ships, but mentions of past Jack/Kate.

Rated:  T

=====

Reconstructing Claire

I.

The plane is in the air, and they are almost free of the island. Claire is holding Kate’s hand so tightly she’s almost cutting off the circulation, but in that moment, Kate doesn’t care. They’ve done it. They’ve all lost so much, but this is going to be the end of the losses. This is going to be a new beginning; Kate is sure of it.

As they continue to fly on, however, the first doubts begin to creep in. Where are they going to land? How are they going to explain to the authorities at whatever airport they land at where the Ajira plane has been ever since it disappeared over the middle of the Pacific a week ago? How are they going to explain Claire and James when they were both declared dead three years ago? What about Miles and Richard? What’s going to happen to Frank? Will the plane even hold together long enough to get them anywhere?

Kate is not one for panicking – she never has been. She gets scared, she gets so scared that she’s paralysed by it, but blind panic is not usually her thing. Still, Jack taught her how to get rid of her fear. She closes her eyes, returns the pressure of Claire’s hand, and counts to five.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

She exhales, calm again, movement returning to her limbs as clarity returns to her mind.

“Claire, honey?”

Claire opens her eyes and looks over at Kate. She looks just as fearful as Kate feels.

“I’m gonna see what’s going on, ok?”

Claire nods and lets go of the iron grip on her hand, and Kate unfastens her seatbelt, carefully making her way up towards the cockpit. Richard follows her.

“Frank, where are we headed?” she asks, at the same time as Richard asks: “Frank, can we make it to Guam?”

“Kate, I have no idea where we’re headed other than away from the island, and Richard, we can possibly make it to Guam as soon as I work out where the hell we actually are.”

“I can work out where we are,” Richard says, and sourcing a pencil from God only knows where in the cockpit, he begins to scribble math on the back of the plane’s electrical diagrams, still on the co-pilot’s seat from their frantic repair works. Kate can tell that it’s going to take a while, but she doesn’t want to go back to Claire without some kind of an action plan.

“Hey, Freckles.”

She turns to see James hanging over her shoulder.

“You know, watching them ain’t gonna get us there any quicker.”

“I know.” She lets James guide her back to the first row of seats to allow Richard and Frank to work in peace.

“I know you’re worried about her,” James says. Kate glances back at Claire. Her eyes are closed again but it’s clear from the deep frown line between her brows and the way her fingers are digging into the arm rests with white knuckles that she’s not asleep.

“I can’t relax until she’s back home with her mom, James. We got off the island, but how the hell are we going to get home?”

“Somehow,” James replies. There’s sheer grit and determination in his voice.

Kate feels the plane bank to one side and her eyes dart to the cockpit. Richard appears to be giving Frank directions from a map that’s hand-drawn and hardly to scale. It doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence.

Miles comes up to join them. “So, what’s happening?”

“We’re attempting to go to Guam,” James says. “I think.”

“Right. Does anyone have any idea where we’re actually headed?”

“As long as it’s not straight down, Miles, I really don’t care.” James sighs. “I think Guyliner’s got it.”

Richard comes out of the cockpit.

“We’re headed to Guam,” he says. “We have a safehouse there beside the Dharma packing plant that the supply drops come from. No need to worry about customs or security.”

“I sense a ‘but’,” James says shrewdly.

“We usually travel there by sub. It doesn’t exactly have a runway.”

Kate’s eyes widen. Three plane crashes in as many years and two in as many weeks are more than enough for anyone.

“Have we got enough fuel to get there?”  Miles asks.

“Well, if we haven’t, then we’ll be swimming there,” Frank calls from the cockpit. “Richard, get back in here! I’m flying blind!”

Richard ducks back into the cockpit and the other passengers go back to their seats. There’s nothing more that they can do.

Kate goes and sits back down next to Claire.

“Where are we going?” she asks. It’s the first time she’s spoken since she agreed to come on the plane with them.

“Guam.”

“I don’t have my passport,” Claire says.

“Neither do I.” It was fake anyway; she can’t exactly leave the country when she’s not allowed to leave the state. “Richard says that we won’t need them though. We’re heading to one of the Others’ safehouses.”

It’s the word safe that does it. Claire gives Kate a tiny, brittle smile.

“We’ll never be safe, Kate,” she says, and Kate’s heart breaks at the sadness in her voice.

“We will be,” she says firmly, although she obviously can’t know that for sure. “I’ll protect you, Claire. I said that I would get you and Aaron reunited and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Claire’s still unconvinced, but there’s nothing else that Kate can do for her yet. Not until they land. She leans back in her seat and stares out of the window. They’re free from the island but they still have so far to go.

It’s a tense journey, but then land is in sight and the plane is in sharp descent.

“Ladies and gents, it’s going to be a very bad landing,” Frank announces from the cockpit, circling and circling the little sheds and the patch of concrete that serves as a pallet and drone take-off and landing station. At least it’s next to an open expanse of field and a road that appears to be deserted.

“Hold onto your heads!” Frank yells.

Kate and Claire brace against the impact and as they touch down on the field, Kate’s teeth rattle in her skull, spots dancing in front of her eyes. She doesn’t move a muscle, waiting until they’re at a complete standstill before cautiously looking around. Claire’s still got her hands over her head between her knees, shaking uncontrollably.

“Claire, honey, we’re here. It’s ok.”

Claire uncurls herself and looks out of the window. Two men in Dharma jumpsuits are approaching cautiously, and Richard races through the plane, throwing open the door and scrambling down the makeshift ladder. Kate can’t make out what they’re saying but everyone, including Frank, is crowding around the windows in this section of the fuselage, looking for any signs of trouble. Not that any of them are in a position to do anything if things do go south, but it’s good to have warning if nothing else.

After what feels like an age, the Dharma men head back towards the buildings and Richard turns to the plane, giving them two thumbs up and beckoning to them to join him on the ground.

Claire gives a small but genuine smile, and Kate returns it. The first hurdle has been negotiated. Only who knows how many more to go.

 II.

The safehouse is small, all the better to keep it safe, Kate supposes. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small living room and an open plan kitchen-diner which is stuffed to the rafters with Dharma shelf stable food. Kate didn’t realise just how long it was since she last ate until she sees a box of cookies and her stomach growls ominously. In that moment, everything seems secondary to food, and the five of them visiting the safehouse for the first time sit around the kitchen counter, silently sating their hunger with whatever the hell they feel like but mostly sugar. Richard is going around making sure that the water and electrics are turned on and generally being the one in charge. It’s funny, Kate had always assumed that he would have the most trouble adapting to life off the island out of all of them, having spent so long there, but then again, they’re not really off the island yet. This is a neat and safe little haven of Others’ culture in the outside world, so he doesn’t have to brave society just yet.

Claire is still nervy as she eats, her eyes darting here, there and everywhere as she scarfs down granola bars as if they’re going out of fashion. Considering there’s a literal ton of food in the warehouse next door, Kate doesn’t think that they’re likely to run out any time soon.

At least the rest of the group aren’t looking at Claire as if she’s going to pull a knife on them at any moment. She left all her knives on the island for a start, and now she’s more scared of them than they are of her. They’re all returning to a social mindset that they never left, despite being displaced from that society physically. Claire did leave it, and the return is going to be tricky at best and damn near impossible at worst, but Kate refuses to believe that it is going to be entirely impossible.

Richard wanders in and out of the kitchen, talking to about five different people at once on two different phones. Maybe he’s calling Ben’s lawyer in LA to get all the legal difficulties smoothed over.

“Looks like we might be holed up in here for a while,” James says, wiping the cookie crumbs off his shirt and standing up. “Might as well explore our new home.”

There’s not a whole hell of a lot to explore so he’s soon back in the kitchen, but he has unearthed some spare clothes for them. The garments smell old and musty, and have a distinctly nineties vibe about them. Kate wonders if anyone’s used this safehouse within the last decade.

She bags one of the bedrooms for herself and Claire, and James and Miles call the other one. Frank’s just so happy to be away from the island that he’s content with the couch and it looks like Richard is going to be on the phone all night anyway, so he’s left out of the negotiations. Then they start to draw straws as to who gets to use the shower first, and great hilarity breaks out when sharing to conserve water is suggested. It’s good to see Claire laughing again, even if it is not as loud or as hard as the others.

“I’ll go last,” she says. “I think I’m going to take the longest to get clean. My clothes can probably stand up on their own.”

Kate knows that she isn’t just talking about dirt, though. Claire’s done so much in these last three years that she’s not proud of, horrific things in the misguided hope of reuniting with Aaron because Not-Locke has been pouring poison into her ears and no-one was around to save her or help her to save herself. Kate wonders why he wanted Claire so badly, out of all of them. He wanted her maternal rage and lack of scruples when it came to protecting her child, certainly, but even after they all came back and even after Aaron’s safety was revealed, he was determined to keep her with him, warning Kate against taking her back to society. He was practically desperate for Kate not to take Claire away from him. She’s crazy now, she’s dangerous, he said, as if he hadn’t been the one responsible for getting her into that unstable state in the first place.

Kate shivers at the thought of his obsession and what it might mean, and turns her attention back to Claire. It’s over, he’s dead, and Claire is finally safe from him.

It’s late into the night by the time everyone’s taken their turn and Richard and Frank have launched a covert mission to the warehouse to source more towels, soap and shampoo, but Kate is nowhere close to sleep. Claire emerges from the steamy bathroom in an ill-fitting t-shirt and jeans that she has to keep hitching up. She’s so small and skinny. Kate had forgotten just how short she was, and now that the softness of new motherhood has given way to years of hardship, she’s just so small. Kate wants to wrap her in blankets and not let the world touch her.

It’s been a spiritual cleanse as well as a physical one for Claire. Kate heard her crying below the trickle of the shower, and her eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, but Kate doesn’t mention it. As much as she wants to hover and protect, Claire needs space as much as anyone else, perhaps moreso.

Although she’s clean now, her hair is still a messy bird’s nest, matted into one solid dreadlock at the back that water and shampoo have no hope of penetrating.

“Cutting it feels like giving up,” Claire says. “It feels like he’s won. It feels like I’m giving up that last part of who I was before.”

Kate thinks about Claire and her golden hair, always so long and lovely. Hair of gold, heart of gold.

She shakes her head. “Think of it as cutting off this part of your life,” she suggests. “Think of it more like a fresh start. It’ll grow again, and then you’ll be back to the person that you were before.”

“Yeah.” Claire pauses. “I’d like to keep as much of it as I can, though.”

Kate laughs. “Ok. Let’s see what we can do. Do you trust me? Near your neck with scissors and a comb?”

Claire nods. “Yes.” To give her credit, ever since that attack back in the forest and their making up after, Claire has not shown any sign of not trusting Kate.

The matted ponytail has to go, there’s no salvaging it. But an hour’s patient work with a comb straightens out the bird’s nest until it’s a dry, brittle, but tangle-free cloud curling around her ears. Claire gives Kate a half-hearted smile in the mirror.

“Thank you.”

“No worries.”

They continue to sit in the dimly lit room in silence, one at either end of the bed, both too keyed up from the day’s events to sleep.

“Mayo,” Claire says suddenly.

“Pardon?”

“Mayonnaise.” A soft smile creeps over her face and for a moment she looks like the Claire that Kate first met on the beach, proclaiming her to be a Gemini. “It’s supposed to be a really good conditioning treatment for your hair.”

Kate laughs, not at the notion of mayonnaise as a conditioner, she’s heard similar claims before, but at the thought that Claire is still in there under all the fear and hardship. Now that she no longer has to watch her back all the time, a bit of that is bleeding through.

“All right,” she says. “Let’s find some mayo.”

Of course there’s mayo. The house is next to a Dharma packing plant, they have vats of the stuff. Claire smears it over what remains of her hair and deftly wraps her head in clingfilm and a towel.

“What?” she asks on seeing Kate looking at her.

“Nothing. It’s just you. Being girly like the old Claire.”

“Yeah.” Her smile fades. “I have to cling to whatever shades of that I can get now.”

“You’ll be ok,” Kate says. “You’ll come through this, I promise.”

There’s a knock on their door.

“Who is it?”

“Me.” It’s James’ voice. “I know you’re awake, I heard you talking.”

Kate and Claire look at each other and Claire nods; Kate goes over to let him in.

“You don’t mind me butting in on your girl talk? Miles is snoring so loud I can’t hear myself think.” He wrinkles his nose. “Why does it smell like mayo in here?”

“Claire’s trying to rescue her hair,” Kate says. James just stares at her in disbelief, because is that supposed to explain everything?

“With mayo?” he asks incredulously, and shakes his head. “I will never understand women.”

Kate snorts. “There are many things that I could say to that, James, but I won’t.”

They talk quietly for a little while, mainly expressing relief at being off the island.  Claire goes to wash her hair again and the smell of mayo gradually fades. Maybe James is worried that Claire’s going to kill Kate in her sleep but as Kate finally feels exhaustion overtake her and she can’t help curling up and closing her eyes, she hears him say his goodnights and leave the room.

Claire’s weight on the bed doesn’t shift, and she’s still sitting wide awake when Kate stirs an hour or so later.

 III.

When Kate wakes up the next morning – or perhaps afternoon, she’s got no idea how long she slept and she doesn’t know what time zone she’s in and she’s not entirely sure she’s in 2007 – Claire is gone from their room. It’s light outside, bright and sunny and so ill-reflecting of their loss. Tiptoeing out of the room, she sees who else is up and about, but it seems like it’s only Richard, outside on the phone again. How many calls does he need to make? Surely the Others have some kind of phone tree network they can activate when things go bad. Like, Jacob dying and his insane brother nearly wreaking destruction upon the earth bad.

Suddenly there’s a high-pitched scream and Kate reacts in an instant, rushing downstairs with James and Miles. It’s only halfway down that she realises that scream wasn’t Claire’s at all, but male.

“We’re ok!” Frank exclaims as they all bundle into the living room. Claire is peering over the back of the sofa and Frank has his hand on his heart. “We’re ok, we just gave each other a fright, that’s all.”

Kate doesn’t question why Claire is behind the sofa.

“Well, I guess we’re all awake now,” Miles says after a long, screamingly uncomfortable silence. “I’ll see if there are any Dharma powdered eggs for breakfast. You know, when we got off the island I thought that we were finally going to see the back of Dharma food. Man, I can’t wait to get out of this place…” He’s still complaining as he heads into the kitchen. Frank, recovered from his scare, just rolls his eyes and follows him.

“Miles, you should be grateful that there is Dharma food and that we’re not all in the middle of an underground government facility being experimented on.”

Left with just Kate and James, Claire extricates herself from behind the sofa and sits down on it. Her eyes are hard and challenging and daring them to chastise her. James accepts the challenge.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hisses. “You damn near gave all of us a heart attack!”

“James.”

Kate’s touch on his arm calms him and he takes a step back, running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Claire,” he says. “I know you’ve been through hell and I can’t hope to understand what it was like.”

“I’m used to hiding,” Claire mumbles. “When I was in the jungle, when they were hunting me, I had to hide. All the time. I don’t feel safe if I’m not hidden.” She pauses. “There wasn’t enough room under the bed.”

Kate crosses the room and sits on the sofa beside Claire, putting an arm around her as she stares down into her lap.

“I’m never going to be normal again, am I?” she asks quietly. “He took my mind and now he’s dead and he can’t give it back. What’s Aaron going to think of a mother who hides behind the sofa every night? What if…?”

“Stop,” Kate soothes her. “No more what ifs. You will get better, Claire. We will all help you. I’m here, I’ll help. Your mom’s out there, she’ll help.”

“My mum? That’s impossible, she’s in a coma, has been for years.”

“No. She’s awake, and she’s made an amazing recovery. She’s looking after Aaron right now.”

Claire just stares at her in disbelief for a long time, but then she crumples in Kate’s arms, loud, wailing, racking sobs that make her entire body shake.

“All the things I never thought I’d get the chance to say,” she manages to get out between sobs and hiccups. “All those years and I can finally say sorry…”

Kate rubs her back. “You will get better, and you will see your mom again,” she says firmly. “And you will be able to say all of those things to her in person.”

Claire nods.

“Don’t let him win, Claire,” James says. Kate had forgotten that he was still in the room with them. He’s finally come to the realisation that Claire isn’t acting this way for no reason, and that she’s been motivated by blind fear for so long that it’s a hard mindset to get out of. “You can’t let your past control your future. Believe me, I know all about that and you’ve got a few more years’ future than I have so make the most of it.”

Claire nods again, managing the tiniest of weak little laughs.

“I need a minute,” she says.

Kate lets go of her and follows James out of the room.

“Thank you,” she says, closing the door after them and giving Claire some privacy.

“Yeah, well, all this time I’ve been worrying about everyone else and not worrying about her because having seen her in action with a knife and a rifle I figured she could take care of herself and we’d all need protection from her. I guess I never stopped to think about how she was feeling. All those years on her own, and we didn’t try to help her.”

“You didn’t know. She just vanished.”

“Yeah, but she left Aaron behind and she’d never do that if she was in her right mind. Then with what happened with Sayid… I just didn’t connect the dots that that’s what happened with Claire too. She must’ve died in the strike on New Otherton. Just for a minute or so, but long enough for him to get her. If I could understand what was going on with Sayid, vaguely, then I ought to be able to understand what’s going on with her.”

Kate leans back against the wall, going over it all in her mind.

“It was different with Sayid though,” she says. “He said he stopped feeling emotion. Claire can definitely still feel.”

“Yeah, maybe too much at once sometimes.”

Kate gives a snort of laughter.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she wasn’t dead as long. I guess we’ll never know.”

“Well, thank you, anyway.”

They go into the kitchen where Miles is serving what could almost be described as breakfast, to Frank’s disgust.

“We have Dharma powdered eggs and Dharma dehydrated bacon flavour slices,” he says, shovelling some onto plates for Kate and James. Kate’s not entirely sure that the concoction is edible.

“Miles, no offence, but you’re a lousy cook,” Frank says, prodding the solid lump of egg with his fork.

“I’d like to see you do better, Miles retorts. “I don’t see anyone else around here making breakfast.”

The banter continues back and for the as they brave the eggs, and Kate almost doesn’t notice when Claire slips into the kitchen and takes a seat at the table. Frank gives her a friendly smile to indicate no hard feelings, and Miles eagerly gives her food, and soon she’s laughing and joking with the rest of them. Maybe soon she’ll feel safe amongst them, and won’t resort to hiding behind the sofa.

 IV.

Richard announces that their new identities will be ready in a couple of days; he’s just waiting for the courier. Somehow, Kate doesn’t think he’s talking about UPS. It’s the first indication that they’ve had of any prospective departure date from the Guam safehouse, and the sense of a definite future in the air makes Kate feel more confident that such a future will eventually materialise. With that in mind, it’s time to start making plans. Since there’s more likelihood that Claire will reunite with her mother, she should probably let her mother know that her trip back to the island was successful and forewarn her of Claire’s mental state, which is going to take some getting used to considering what Claire was like when Carole last knew her, an angry teenager raging against the world and everything in it.

She tracks Richard down in the kitchen.

“Hey, can I borrow one of your many phones, please?” she asks. “I need to call Claire’s mom and let her know we’re ok. She already knows about the island – well, sort of – so it’s not some giant security risk. And I think it would do Claire good to talk to her.”

Richard nods and hands over one of the phones, a cheap burner but practical enough.

Kate’s pleased she’s got a head for numbers, and dials Carole Littleton’s cell.

Carole picks up after two rings.

“Hello?”

“Hello Ms Littleton, it’s Kate Austen.”

“Kate? Did you… Did you find Claire?”

“Yes, I did. I’ve got her. We’re in Guam. Where are you? Are you still in Los Angeles or did you take Aaron back to Australia?”

“We’re back in Sydney, I didn’t know how long you were going to be and I didn’t want to be living out of the motel indefinitely… Is Claire there? Is she ok? Can I speak to her?”

Kate grimaces.

“Physically, she’s ok. Mentally… She went through hell on that island. She survived there alone for three years. She’s not exactly the same Claire that she was before.”

“Oh, my poor baby…”

“I’ll see if she wants to speak to you.” Kate moves through the house to where Claire is sitting on the sofa, fidgeting with her hands, feeling uncomfortable without a weapon in them.

“Claire? Honey, I have your mom on the phone.”

“Claire? Claire, can you hear me?”

Claire doesn’t respond, and Kate just holds out the phone to her ear.

“Claire? Baby, are you there?”

Claire’s expression melts and she takes the phone.

“Mum?”

She sounds so small and so young. Kate forgets she’s only twenty-five; she’s so world-weary and so old beyond her years as a result of her experiences.

“Mum, I can’t believe you’re ok, you’re awake… I never thought I’d hear your voice again. Oh God, I’ve missed you so much…”

Kate can’t hear the other half of the conversation and she feels uncomfortable eavesdropping, so she steps outside. The others are out there, playing some kind of game with empty Dharma beer cans. Kate tries to follow it but it’s clear that Miles is making up the rules as he goes along and nothing makes the slightest bit of sense, but the hilarity is enough to make up for it. To think that this time yesterday they were just landing here, unsure of what the future was going to hold for them, unsure how they were going to get off Guam and not quite believing that they’d managed to get here in one piece in the first place. Now they’re laughing and joking like nothing happened.

Except, they know what happened. They all do. They don’t want to talk about it because it is too fresh and raw, but that’s not to say that they are ignoring it completely. Kate’s noticed it in the way that they all fall silent sometimes, and no-one tries to get the conversation going again. They’ve all left a piece of themselves behind on that island, maybe some more than others, and they’re all glad to be leaving it behind, although perhaps they are yearning for the days that came before, when they were whole.

This is a fresh start for all of them. New lives, new identities, a clean slate in which to do the right thing and live the best life. Kate’s had so many new starts over the last couple of years that this feels almost familiar. The sense of relief but also the sense of loss, knowing how many people they’ve left behind, how few they managed to save.

She glances over at the living room window. Claire is still on the phone, although it seems to be a different phone now. Maybe she ran out of battery life on the other one. They’ve been talking for over an hour and poor Richard’s phone bill must be through the roof, but he doesn’t seem too concerned. Who knows who he’s been calling in all his many phone calls trying to arrange new identities for them all.

Eventually, Claire joins them outside, but she only has eyes for Kate, coming over and throwing her arms around her.

“Thank you,” she says, choked. “Thank you so much.”

It’s clear just how much she needed that talk with her mother, and it’s clear how much it has affected her from her puffy eyes and the tear stains on her cheeks, but Kate says nothing and just holds her.

When she pulls away, there’s something different about Claire’s bearing. She’s standing a little straighter, and there’s a little more determination in her face. Perhaps it was the conversation with her mother than gave her the impetus she needed to really take back control where it was wrested from her by Not-Locke so long ago.

“I’m going to see my mum again,” she says, and it’s a statement, a fact, nothing of disbelief in it. “I never thought I would, but I’m going to. She says that Aaron’s doing well and he’s been an angel for his grandma. I think she’s a bit in love with him already.”

“Well, no-one can meet Aaron and not instantly fall in love with him.”

Claire smiles. “I know I did.” She sighs. “I guess it’s the same as it always was before. I thought I’d be a terrible mother, I really didn’t think that I was going to be able to handle it, but I did, and in those couple of months that I was with Aaron, I couldn’t imagine a life without him, a life where I’d given him up. But then I did give him up, somehow, somewhere, although I don’t remember how, and it got to the stage where I could barely remember what life was like with him. History’s repeating itself. He’s coming back into my life, and I’m certain that I’m going to be a terrible mum, I mean, look at me. But I’ve done it once before. Maybe I can do it again?”

She’s so unsure and questioning, but at least she’s entertaining the possibility, which she wasn’t doing before.

Kate smiles. “You will.”

 V.

That night, Claire approaches her predicament with her new-found determination, and stands staring at the bed in her and Kate’s room for a long time, as if she’s trying to work out the best strategy to defeat it. Finally, she leaves the room, and for a moment Kate thinks that she’s going to retreat behind the sofa again, although that would mean that the living room would get rather crowded as Richard is sleeping in there too tonight.

“I’m not diving behind the sofa again,” she calls over her shoulder as she leaves, as if she can read Kate’s mind.

She returns with a kitchen chair and spare blankets, and sets about constructing herself a makeshift tent in the corner of the room. Once she’s shoved pillows and sheets in there, it actually looks rather nice and cosy, and she crawls into her little blanket fort, curling up ready to sleep. Her hair falls over her face where it’s too short to tie back properly, and for a moment it looks a little bit like a halo.

She pushes it aside and looks up at Kate.

“This is better,” she says. “A compromise to start with.”

Kate nods and gets into bed, and the two of them continue to talk quietly for a little while. It feels a bit like a teenage sleepover, both of them tired but neither of them really wanting to go to sleep just yet for fear of what nightmares might come over them. Kate can’t stop thinking about all the things that have happened, and she really doesn’t want to relive them in her dreams. They talk about silly little random things, like Dharma food and what the guys in the packing plant next door must think about the strange little motley crew of travellers who just descended into their workplace.

Eventually though, Claire falls asleep in her tent, and Kate watches her for a moment before succumbing herself. It’s nice to see her at peace for once.

The next morning, Kate is on edge when someone lets themselves into the safehouse with a key. It’s a middle-aged woman with a duffel bag over one shoulder and the weary expression of someone who’s spent a long time travelling. She doesn’t seem at all surprised to see the castaways there, she just shouts to Richard that she’s there. He appears from around the side of the house in the direction of the warehouse where he’s been smoothing things over with the Dharma packers.

“Eloise sent me,” the woman says to Kate by way of explanation.

Richard shows her into the living room and although they leave the door open, no-one goes in. Curiosity gets the better of Kate however, and she listens in at the doorway when it seems like their conversation is coming to a close.

“Richard, I know that you would only ever leave the island on a permanent basis if something terrible happened,” the woman is saying.

Richard nods and lets out a long breath, as if he has to prepare himself mentally for what comes next.

“Jacob’s dead,” he says eventually.

“I see.” The woman is silent for a long time. Kate wonders how many other Others there are out here in the real world – strange adjective to use, she knows, since the island was as real as any other part of this world – who don’t know about what happened a week ago and don’t know that their beloved leader and demi-god is dead.

“Richard, when you and Jacob sent me on this mission seven years ago, I was honoured to do it, but I miss the island,” the woman continues. “If Jacob is dead and there’s a new order to things like you say, does that mean I can go home? Is that even possible?”

Richard shakes his head and spreads his hands in defeat.

“I don’t know,” he says. None of them know. When they were leaving, everything was still so up in the air. Were Jack and Hurley successful in replacing the heart of the island and setting everything to rights? “Now that I’ve left, I don’t know where it is any more. But if it’s possible to get back, then Eloise will tell you how to get there.”

“Can I go home, Richard? Or will I still be needed out here?”

“I think that you can go home, Cam. There’s a new man in charge now, and if the island’s still there, then I don’t think he’ll be running things in the same way that Jacob always used to. You’ll be welcome. You’ve done very valuable work for us, and you deserve to go home.”

If Hurley is in charge of the island, as Kate thinks he probably is by now, then everyone will be welcome.

“Thank you, Richard.”

“Who was that?” Kate asks, after the woman leaves.

“That was Camilla. Someone needs to stay off the island to liaise with Eloise and make sure that our cover identities are straight for when we have to leave the island for whatever reason. That’s always been Cam’s job, but I don’t think that her services are going to be required anymore. Speaking of which, though.”

He holds up a huge stack of passports and identity documents. “That’s the reason she came. Dropping off our new lives.”

The paperwork gets divided into individual stacks on the kitchen table and everyone looks through their own. Eloise, Camilla and Dan Norton have been busy, Kate thinks, and she’s impressed by how in depth their new cover identities have been made in just a couple of days.

Victoria Katherine Hope, hers reads. Claire is Alexandra Claire Carter. She doesn’t get a good enough look at the others; presumably they’ll all come to light in good time.

She’s holding a new life in the palm of her hand, like she has done so many times, every time she’s changed her identity over the past few years. This time it feels more real. It’s less a pseudonym and more an entirely different person. All her identities were different people with different backgrounds, different ways to make in the world, but this one feels different because it’s not one of her own making; it’s something that someone’s given to her like a gift. Another chance.

The only thing that jars Kate is the fact that her new passport photograph looks uncomfortably like her mug shot, but if everything else checks out then she’s sure – well, she’s hopeful – that her passport won’t arouse suspicion.

“It’s strange,” Claire says, looking at the new passport, the only Australian one among the bunch. (Apparently Richard was asked if he wanted his to be Spanish to reflect his birthplace but he declined and now Richard Alpert was born in New York in 1965, not the Canaries a century and a half ago.)

“What’s strange?”

“It’s like I’m a whole different person,” she muses. “Someone who’s not me. I can pretend to be someone else now. Someone who’s normal.”

It twists something inside Kate to hear her speak like that.

“You’re still Claire,” she says. Maybe that’s the entire reason why they let them keep their real names in there somewhere. “You’ll always be Claire, no matter what the papers say.”

No matter how hard she tried to run away from it, she was always Kate. Now, though, that doesn’t seem like so bad a person to be.

 VI.

Claire’s little blanket fort in the corner of the bedroom seems to be working, and she’s still sleeping in there quite happily when Kate wakes up the next morning. The feeling of being enclosed is obviously just the protection she needs to feel hidden and safe. Idly, Kate thinks of mosquito netting and drapes around four poster beds, or the little princess drapes that were available when she was redecorating Aaron’s room back in LA. Maybe one of those would be enough to keep Claire calm when they get back to civilisation. Just something as an extra layer between her and the outside world whilst she’s asleep and vulnerable.

There’s just one more night here and then they’ll be leaving this halfway house in a strange limbo, and will be returning to the real world. Kate will reunite with Aaron, Claire will reunite with her mother. They can truly begin a healing process that they can’t really get started with here in the safehouse in Guam. They need time and they need interaction with other people, and whilst they have all the time in the world here, they don’t have other people, and soon, with so many personalities in such a small space, tempers are going to fray.

Kate is infinitely grateful for the phone call between Claire and her mother. Kate can give her as much encouragement that she can and tell Claire over and over again that she’s going to be ok, and that Kate will help her through this as will everyone else in the house, but hearing it from her mother is different. It’s what’s given Claire the will to move on and the drive to get better, rather than thinking that it would be impossible. She knows it will be difficult, but she’s damned if she’s going to give up. She knows she needs help, but that’s not going to stop her trying to help herself as much as she can. She wants to get back to Aaron, she wants to get back to her mother, and she knows that she can’t in her current state.

It’s a long road ahead of them, but Kate can walk it with her. There’s nothing tying her down anywhere, there never has been. Her life has always been transient, until Aaron came into it. Aaron had grounded her in LA, but now Aaron is no longer in LA. Aaron is in Sydney with his grandmother, and so that’s where Kate will go too. She will go wherever Claire and Aaron will take her, and once Claire is ready to be Aaron’s mom again, then Kate will decide what comes next. There’s nothing holding her down, but at the same time, there’s nothing to keep her moving either. With a new identity, she also has a new life. There’s no need to run.

It’s strange, Kate thinks. Aaron had been the one to keep her in one place when she had been in LA, and even with the restrictions on her movement, she had never once felt the desire to move or run away with him - well, until Dan Norton had turned up on the doorstep of course, and that was constructed anyway. Now it is Claire who has given her a reason to stay in one place.

It’s family, Kate realises, and all the old quotes about home being people and not a place seem to ring true now.

It’s early days, of course. There are still several hurdles to be got over, but now all the logistics have been sorted out and their return to society will be as seamless as possible, there are fewer large external influences to worry about and she and Claire can turn their attentions to the task at hand - getting Claire better.

Kate wanders down to the kitchen where the others are already up. Frank is making breakfast - Miles has been categorically banned from cooking after his efforts on that first morning. Looking through the cupboards in search of cereal, Kate sees an unopened jar of peanut butter on the shelf and smiles. She’s surprised it’s still there. Maybe Claire just hasn’t seen it. She gets herself some cereal and takes the peanut butter, heading back up to her and Claire’s room and setting the jar down beside her little fort, ready for when she wakes up.

She doesn’t have all that long to wait. Claire screws her face up and opens her eyes, and she doesn’t startle or jump up to defend herself. She looks around, still wary, and Kate thinks that she’ll be still wary for a long time to come. But she can see that she’s safe, and then she sees the peanut butter and her face breaks into a wide smile, grabbing the jar and immediately digging into it.

“You remembered,” she said, and the noise she makes as she sucks that first scoop of creamy peanut butter off her finger is almost obscene.

“Yeah. You know, you once said that you were the only Australian in the world that liked peanut butter.”

Claire nods with a laugh, no doubt remembering a long ago conversation in which that came out.

“Well, I can tell you that’s categorically not true,” Kate says. Claire just raises an eyebrow, challenging her. “Aaron loves it,” she added.

Claire grins, and Kate realises that it’s the first time they’ve really spoken about Aaron since they were reunited on the island. Apart from establishing that he’s well and he’s being looked after by safe hands whilst Kate is here on the island, they haven’t spoken about him in himself and how he’s been doing for these past three years. Obviously at first they had too much else on their minds to occupy themselves with small talk as well, and then Claire didn’t want to think about Aaron because she didn’t want to think about what she had become. But now, it seems that talking about him doesn’t bring her pain.

“That’s going to be interesting for Mum looking after him,” Claire says. “She can’t stand the stuff. She could never understand how I could eat it all the time. Now she’s got Aaron eating it as well.”

“Yeah, he’s definitely his mother’s son in that regard.”

“What else does he like?” Claire gets out of her blanket fort and sits on the bed with Kate, peanut butter still in hand, and she leans in, wanting to know everything.

“Well, he’s a chocolate fiend as well, but I think that you can blame me for that one,” Kate says. “He likes dinosaurs and robots and spacemen and he can’t decide which is his favourite, it changes every day.”

Claire is rapt, and so Kate continues.

“His favourite story is Alice in Wonderland. Jack used to read it to him…”

The thought of Jack brings her up short, and a lump in her throat stops her from going on. It’s the first brutal reminder that Jack is not there anymore, and Jack is never going to be there again, and the pain runs deep. She squeezes her eyes shut against the tears that threaten to fall.

Claire licks her fingers clean and closes the peanut butter jar, wiping her hands on her too-large jeans and holding out her arms for Kate as she gives into her grief and crumples against Claire. Something in the back of her mind keeps telling her that it’s the wrong way round, that she should be the one staying strong for Claire, whereas a voice that sounds remarkably like Claire’s own is telling her that she can’t do this alone and that she can’t stay strong all the time; she has the right to cry and grieve just as everyone else does.

“It’ll be ok,” Claire soothes. “You keep telling me that everything’s going to be ok, so I think the same applies to you. Everything will be all right in the end.”

Another part of Kate wonders how everything can be, after everything that they’ve lost, but she doesn’t let that part speak, squashing it down beneath her misery and letting herself cry.

When she finally quietens, she feels better than she has done ever since she left the island.

Claire looks the most like the old Claire, too.

 VII.

It’s time to head out into the big wide world again. The time spent in the safehouse has been useful, allowing them to regroup and begin to make the changes and the first steps towards healing, but they need to get out of it now and rejoin that world, putting those first steps into tangible practice. They can’t make progress here, they can only make the first steps and then stagnate.

Everyone is going to different places and everyone’s flights leave at different times. Kate and Claire are the first to go to catch their plane to Sydney, and there’s a sombre and heartfelt leave taking outside the house. Everyone holds onto each other so long and so hard it’s like they never want to let go. They’ve all been through so much together and although they all promise to keep in touch, Kate knows how easy it is to lose touch with people. She hopes that everything they’ve been through will cement that bond and make their desire to remain in touch even stronger. After all, these six people are the only people in the world who know what happened on that island, and since they’re the only people they can talk to about it and try to make sense of it, then that has to count for something.

Richard has borrowed the packing plant’s Dharma van and is ferrying people to the airport. Kate wonders what he’s going to do now, since the island that has been his home for so long. He’s going to LA with Miles and James, and maybe he’ll get to see life afresh with eyes that can appreciate it.

Although Claire looks calm, she’s fidgeting with her hands again in that way that she never used to do before. Perhaps it’s the idea of getting on a plane for a long-haul flight again considering what happened on her last one. Maybe it’s the thought of meeting her mother again after so long. That conversation they had has cleared a lot of the air but there is so much still left unsaid between them, and of course, Carole has no real idea of the extent of things that Claire has gone through over the last three years.

She had said that she didn’t want Aaron to see her like this. That probably extends to her mother as well. She no longer looks as feral as she did on the island, but even then the aura of the island still hangs around her, in her ill-fitting clothes and nervous posture. But Carole will understand, Kate thinks. She might never hope to understand exactly what has happened to Claire and Kate doubts that Claire will ever reveal the full details, but she will understand that Claire’s mental state is not what it was when she left Australia, that she doesn’t see things in the way she used to, in the way that a person who has not been affected as she has will. That’s something that Aaron won’t understand.

Getting out of the van outside Guam airport, their few belongings packed in a single bag between them, with new ID at the ready and a cover story firmly in place should anyone question it, Kate and Claire say their final goodbyes to Richard and promise to contact him and the others once they are back on their feet. It feels like coming back to civilisation after a week in a quiet limbo, and even Kate is unnerved by the noise and bustle of the airport after the peace of the safehouse. Still, they get through to departures without any fuss and as they sit waiting for their plane in companionable silence, Claire’s hands are finally still.

“Are you looking forward to going back home?” Kate asks.

She nods, and a little smile creeps over her face.

“I didn’t realise how much I missed it until we were driving up the road towards the airport. Now I can’t wait to get back, even though I know what’s waiting for me there.”

A long and painful uphill struggle. Kate doesn’t need to ask. Still, it’s an improvement on where she was a week ago when she almost didn’t leave the island, believing that she didn’t deserve a fresh start at a life on the outside.

The plane ride is tense; with Claire grabbing Kate’s hand every time they go over the slightest bit of turbulence, but they finally land in Sydney airport without incident. Kate can’t quite believe it. They’re here. They’re ok. They’re truly back in the real world and now the rest of their lives can begin.

Customs and passport control take forever, although they have no luggage, which helps matters along. Maybe it’s the fact that they have no luggage which makes passport control take so much longer. Kate is used to the worry that comes when using a new fake document in an official capacity for the first time, so she knows how to tamp down her fear and appear non-plussed. Claire’s only ever used fake ID for buying alcohol underage, not trying to get into the country of her birth.

Finally, just at the moment when Kate thinks they’re going to get pulled off to one side and interrogated, they’re let through, and they find themselves in the arrivals hall.

Claire looks around nervously. There are a hell of a lot of people, more people than she’s been around for a long time. She’s curled in on herself, trying to make herself as small as possible, and she hides herself behind Kate as they move through the crowds of people.

Finally Kate spots the person they’re looking for and grabs Claire’s hand, guiding her through the melee towards where Carole is waiting at the back of the arrivals area. She looks as nervous as they feel, but she breaks into a smile when she sees Kate. She probably hasn’t seen Claire yet, and she looks around, peering around Kate to try and see her daughter.

Claire hangs back, all the old fears stopping her in her tracks as Kate approaches Carole.

“Hi,” she says. “Thanks for coming to meet us.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Aaron’s with a babysitter, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to bring him along.”

She’s still looking over Kate’s shoulder, and Kate can forgive her that. She steps out of the sight line and mother and daughter set eyes on each other for the first time in far too long.

“Mum…”

In the midst of the busy airport with so many heartfelt reunions going on, no-one really pays any attention to Claire and Carole both crying their eyes out as they cling to each other like limpets.

“Thank you,” Carole says to Kate over Claire’s shoulder, her voice choked with emotion. “Thank you so much.”

 VIII.

The next couple of weeks are strange.

Claire is not ready to see Aaron again, she says so herself as they drive back towards Carole’s house from the airport.

“I’m not ready. I need to get used to normal life for myself before I can think about taking care of Aaron again.” Kate can see just how badly she wants to get back to Aaron, but the fact that she’s aware of her own mental state is probably a good sign.

So things are in a little limbo for a while. Kate rents a little place just around the corner from Carole and lives there with Aaron, as he needs a mom in his life and since Kate is around, it would be strange for him to see her and recognise her and yet not have her acting as his mom. Claire moves back in with Carole, but Kate spends a lot of time there, and Carole spends a lot of time with Aaron, because ultimately, Kate knows what Claire went through and can understand some of her mindset better than Carole can ever hope to.

Aaron doesn’t seem to mind all the going back and forth between his grandmother and the woman he’s always known as his mother. He’s seen Claire in passing, in Carole’s house, but they’ve never been formally reintroduced.

But after two weeks, the three of them think that the time is right, and it needs to be sooner rather than later. Claire is still retreating to blanket forts in the night, and still doesn’t sleep well, but she and Carole and Kate are building up coping mechanisms for her now, and bending their lifestyles a little to accommodate her habits. The scariest parts are when she zones out, fidgeting with her hands and staring into the middle distance, and it can take several attempts to get her back in the room with them. But it’s a start. She’s moving in the right direction, however slowly, and being reintroduced to Aaron will hopefully help her progress and give her something to keep fighting for.

Carole and Claire come round to Kate’s place, and Kate sits Aaron down in the living room.

“Aaron, there’s someone really important who you need to meet, ok? So I want you to listen to me very carefully.”

Aaron looks at her soberly and Kate begins.

“You know I’ve been your mommy for a long time, Aaron. Well, when you were very little, when you were still a baby, before I was your mommy, you had another mommy, your first mommy, and she loved you very much.”

“Why isn’t she my mommy now?” Aaron asked.

“Well, a long time ago, when you were still a baby, a bad man took your first mommy away and he made her very sick. So, I became your mommy, because you needed someone to look after you and your first mommy couldn’t. But now, your first mommy is back.”

“What about the bad man?”

“He’s gone, sweetie. He can’t hurt you or me or your mommy again.”

“Is my other mommy still sick?”

Kate sighs, because Claire’s still got a long way to go before she’ll be close to normal again, but the sooner she gets reintroduced to Aaron and can start to become a part of his life again, the sooner she will recover - both Carole and Kate are sure of it. The longer they wait for her to become stable again before the reintroduction is made, then the longer she’ll take to become stable.

“She’s getting better,” Kate says. “She’ll be well again soon, and she’s going to come and live with us whilst she gets better. But you see, Aaron, she hasn’t seen you since you were a baby and she really wants to see you again. Will you come with me and say hello?”

Aaron nods and Kate takes his little hand, leading him through to the kitchen where Carole and Claire are waiting. Claire’s hands are shaking with nerves and she hides them under the table when she sees Aaron.

“Hey Aaron! You’ve got so big! You were a teeny tiny little thing when I last saw you. Oh baby, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry I left you, and I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

“You’re my first mommy?” Aaron asks.

“Yes.” Claire’s voice is wobbly and there are tears in her eyes. “I’m your first mummy. My name’s Claire.”

“Claire. Are you the Claire grandma talks about?”

Claire nods. “Yes. That’s me.” There’s a long pause, no-one quite sure what to do next other than let the encounter run its course. Finally Claire speaks again. “Can I… Can I hug you? Please?”

Aaron nods amiably and Kate’s never seen Claire move so quickly. She’s down on the floor with her arms around her son in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you crying, Mommy Claire?” Aaron asks.

“Because I’m just so happy to see you, Aaron.”

And that’s how it begins, the rest of their lives. Aaron still calls Kate Mommy, but Claire doesn’t seem to care as long as he calls her Mommy too. Kate is still the one he runs to first if he gets hurt, if he’s happy about something and wants to share, but Claire is the one he goes to if he wakes with nightmares, because she’s more likely to be awake.

Claire is the one he goes to when he’s scared, because she’s scared too, and they can make each other braver.

It began after Aaron met Claire on the landing once, on one of the occasions when she was unable to sleep and so was wandering around the house to double check that they were all safe, and investigating the disturbance, Kate found them curled up together in Claire’s blanket fort.

“Why do you sleep in a tent sometimes, Mommy Claire?”

“It makes me feel safe.”

“Can I come in and be safe too?”

“Of course. There’s room for one more.”

Kate watches them unseen through the crack between the door and its frame, and she smiles. Piece by little piece, they are putting Claire back together again, and in doing so, Kate feels, she is putting herself back together as well.

[strange-lace]

SRMTHFG AU: Reversed Personalities

This idea won’t leave me alone so allow me to babble on about this idea of an alternate universe where the Hyperforce’s personalities are reversed, but they’re still the heroes. Allow me to explain! (If you have better ideas on how this would play out, don’t be afraid to add to this!)

Personalities and descriptions are under the cut because it got LONG. Don’t be afraid to let me know what you guys think of this, really proud of how it turned out.

First off, Chiro. You know those high school students who took everything seriously and wanted to get the highest grade possible in all their classes? Yeah, that’d be Chiro in this AU, he takes everything from school to leading the Hyperforce with the utmost seriousness and is always stressing himself out whenever he doesn’t do everything perfectly. Has ungodly high standards set for himself and believes that he’s worthless if he doesn’t achieve them. Craves validation for his work. Relaxing and goofing off are foreign concepts to him and seem like a waste of time... MOST of the time, as after all he’s still a teenager, though he likes to pretend he’s not. Is still a Sun Riders fan, but closeted as he finds it embarrassing but can’t help but enjoy the show for what it is. A huffy little guy who the others have to make take a break to avoid him overworking himself. Doesn’t look all too different from Canon!Chiro, just with neater hair (both in casual and Hyper mode) and noticeable dark rings around his eyes because this kid really needs to sleep more.

Sprx, I can already envision easily, a shy little guy who’s terrified of heights and enjoys gardening. Now he’s not necessarily a pushover or weak, he's just as capable as everyone else on the Hyperforce. The guy just prefers peacefully tending to his plant babies with the sun shining to the excitement of fighting evil, but what’re you gonna do when you’re literally destined to do this shit? Gets really flustered and nervous when given compliments and will just be left glowing for hours. Still just as terrifying if anybody fucks with his family, if not more but you wouldn’t expect such a switch. The Mom friend of the team. Instead of piloting skills, Sprx has a very extensive knowledge of plant life throughout the galaxies, he knows what’s poisonous, what’s edible, what’s nearly extinct, and what shouldn’t leave their natural environment no matter what. Always seen wearing gardening gloves, boots, and a toolbelt with various gardening equipment just in case. And always has dirt somewhere smudged on his fur, he can never stay clean for long.

Gibson, I had fun with brainstorming. Instead of a scientist like in canon, in this universe, I could envision being a sort of witch doctor and/or just a straight up witch. Whereas Canon!Gibson is all about science and logic, Reverse!Gibson is all about magic and mysticism, with a giant collection of magical tomes, ingredients for spells, magical artifacts, etc. With the various amount of things in there that could fuck shit up if so much as looked at wrong, Gibson is always insisting others avoid his room for spells and meditation for their own safety. Noticeably relaxed about life yet always wanting to learn more about whatever magic is out there in the universe he yet does not possess, is always seen with a calm, little smile on his face and a look in his eyes that shows a lot of wisdom behind them. Sometimes kind of creepy with the various spells he knows, including ones of dark origin, including summoning some terrifying looking creatures he seems to know well. Overall, very chill if not mysterious, but still friendly and cares about the others a lot. Part of why he’s so mysterious is because he never goddamn explains what he’s doing. Gibson sometimes doesn’t think all the way through things before he does stuff, which never fails to bite him back. Also very quiet, tends to sneak up on the others by accident because he levitates everywhere. Wears a cute little witch hat almost too big for his head and a scarf, both with starry patterns decorating them.

Otto’s still the mechanic/engineer in this AU, only now he’s an extremely grumpy and high strung in reaction to all the nonsense that happens around him (and honestly I can’t really blame him). A perfectionist who refuses to let anyone touch or look at his inventions until he’s happy with them, which can admittedly take a while if he’s not on a deadline. Also a bit of a neat freak, which makes the organized chaos of Gibson’s room and the constant dirt on Sprx from his gardening drive him crazy. While he won’t admit it, he has a soft spot for his teammates and is the one who hovers when someone gets injured while saying he’s totally not worried, you don’t know what you’re talking about Nova. While Sprx is the Soft Mom Friend, Otto is the I’m-Sick-Of-Your-Shit-You’re-Not-Doing-That Mom Friend. Is the first to fight anyone who gives his teammates trouble, and I mean anyone. Likes being around Gibson because he gives him tea and magical remedies for his headaches, plus he just enjoys talking to Gibson about everything that’s stressing him out. Wears goggles on his head for welding and a toolbelt around his waist.

Antauri I had some trouble with, but here we go. He’s definitely a playful, impish guy in this AU (not sure about whether or not he still becomes the silver monkey here, so let’s just ignore that for now). He’s the one to none-too-gently mess with the others for a laugh whether it be by pranking them or pushing their buttons to get them riled up, especially Chiro and Otto (though messing with the latter ends with wrenches being thrown at him). Also definitely the more fight happy of the team, always eager to fight for the forces of good, almost too eager. Just wants to get the others to relax, so he gets Nova to help him sometimes pulls the others away from their work to just goof off and do something fun. Not the best at hiding his emotions and is said by many to be quite an open book. He ain’t subtle either. Very passionate about what he does in protecting Shuggazoom from the Skeleton King to the point he genuinely can’t imagine what he’d do in a time of peace. In fact, he gets rather tense and twitchy when it gets too quiet in the city with no threats to defeat in the sense he feels like it’s the calm before the storm. 

Lastly Nova, she also gave me some trouble but hopefully, this is good! Still just as much of a kickass warrior as Canon!Nova, however, she’s not an easy person to rile up and is practically immune to all of Antuari’s tactics and pranks. Very mellow and zen, like Gibson she’s very rarely without a smile on her face and is the most level-headed out of everyone on the team. Her fighting style is about precise and exact strikes that cripple her opponents. Is very supportive of all her teammates and their diligence, but like Antuari thinks they really need to relax before they burn themselves out for the sake of their mental health. Practically the team’s therapist, Nova does not mind listening to the others problems while she meditates, but only offers her advice if it is asked for as she heavily believes in one creating their own path. The Dad Friend, and when she gets angry, it’s when someone hurt her teammates, and things begin freezing when she becomes completely enraged and so does her demeanor. Is the one to train with Antauri when he gets particularly tense during the quiet moments in Shuggazoom. Often dressed in flowers thanks to Sprx, mainly flower crowns or flower necklaces, which she wears with pride.

[baesketballers]

Kise likes Midorima's younger sister (made up and not canon), but she hates him. She puts more faith in astrology more than her brother does. She doesn't want to be with a Gemini guy since she can't trust them when it comes to relationships. Kise reminds her so much of her dad, who had cheated on their mum and who can't entirely devote himself to her. She thinks Kise will eventually grow tired of her and take their relationship for granted years later if she gives him a chance now.

You’re Midorima’s sibling in this story (no mentions of gender)! Here, the reader and Kise are friends, though they aren’t best friends. Just hanging-out-with-each-other type of friends.

WARNING: Long, but not my best. I might have misinterpreted the ask all in all, sorry!

Plug-ins: If you want to commission me or want to donate, I’ll be happy to accept! Commissions are wide open!

When you said no, he almost couldn’t believe his ears.

You acted as if you were happy around him, always smiling, laughing, and having fun despite the slightly disapproving-slash-annoyed looks from your brother. But no, saying that you ‘acted’ happy is not at all right, because Kise knows that you really are happy, and that the two of you are really friends. You aren’t like his admirers, keeping up the friendly farce to please him and eventually win his heart—you rejected him, anyways.

He laughed it off and told you to forget it ever happened in order to keep your friendship, but he still remembered your face. Downcast in a mix of awkwardness and veiled heartbreak—weird, since you were the one who turned him down. Kise did not say anything else to give you a chance to speak, and you did.

“Look, this might sound ridiculous, but,” you paused, “I’m never going to date a Gemini.”

Kise’s eyes were as wide as saucers, feeling a horrible desire to scoff at your statement. So you were just like your brother, after all. Why was he even surprised? Kise feels something at the back of his head materializing thoughts of how easy it would be to change your mind, but first you had to give him a chance—he would have said something out loudto ask for that chance if it were not for your next words.

“You’re exactly like my dad,” you said, which startled him further. “He’s popular, cheerful, and just dashing, even in his age. I thought we were a normal, happy family until Mom caught him fucking some other woman in the office.”

Mouth suddenly dry, Kise mind reeled backwards, undoing the terrible suggestions of his own voice. He had no idea. The one thing he knew at that moment was the fact that you were trying so hard not to let the emotions seep into your voice, like you were just talking about the weather or some other menial thing.

“___________-cchi…”

“I was seven,” you said again, your gaze lost in space, “I remember he begged for Mom’s forgiveness, asking for another chance, swearing to never do it again. Mom was heartbroken—Shintarou and I could hear her cry from the room next door every night after she tucked us in.”

Then you looked down at the tiled floor of the restaurant. They were white, yet blotched with some dirt from your shoes, sort of reminding you of your tainted naivety. 

“She took him back, and two months after, he started coming home late from work. Then coming home late turned into not coming home at all.” You tapped your finger at a silver knife and Kise felt as if you were murdering your father in your mind. “It was obvious he was sleeping around. You should’ve seen the look of pity his colleagues gave my mom whenever they met her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Kise whispered, to which you shrug.

“I should be the one apologizing,” you continued. “You can think whatever you want: that I’m a stereotyping girl full of angst from a tragic broken home background, I don’t care. I’ve met plenty of Geminis, guy and girl, they’ve been my friends and enemies, but they’re all the same.”

He swallows the bile in his throat.

“You’re the same, Ryouta.”

It has been a full week since that conversation in the empty restaurant, and since then, the two of you haven’t met yet. You did say that you still want to keep him as a friend as long as he understands that romance is off limits—not wanting to lose you just like that, Kise of course agreed. 

It has also been a full week since he was left in a daze. Every night as he tries to sleep, his mind wanders and thinks of how someone could be so deeply hurt and heartbroken.

And within the course of that one week, Kise realizes another thing: that he hasn’t give up on you yet. If it were anyone else, he would have dropped them and moved on, friendship or no friendship. He would not want to waste his time sulking for someone who clearly isn’t interested in him.

You are a special case of love sickness, he diagnoses, sighing into his pillow. Logic tells him to abandon this dead end, but somehow he’s already thinking of how he’s going to slowly chip and eventually crack the ice wall around your heart. It isn’t his ego that makes him to be the one to do that. Rather, he understands having to put up his guard and how tiring it could be, how eventually the pressure will break you from the inside. 

He just wants you to be able to love again.

The first thing he does is tell you that he values whatever friendship he shares with you, but at the same time he can’t ignore his feelings.

“—but ___________-cchi, at the same time I can’t ignore my feelings,” he says over the phone. You are quite busy, and so is he, yet he feels that it’s so urgent to tell you this that he can’t wait any longer. He can hear you sigh from the other end of the line.

“Ryouta, are you sure about this? I’m only going to hurt you,” you say, “I’m not romantically interested in you.”

“I know, you made that clear last week,” he replies, sounding slightly anxious, “but what I’m telling you now is that I still can’t ignore my feelings and that if you would let me, I’m still going to try.”

You pause, unsure. You want to believe in him and in the prospect of falling in love, you really do, but you know from your mother’s personal story (and plenty of others) that it all starts with rainbows and butterflies, ending with a free fall into a bottomless abyss that robs you from the ability to heal. 

If you were honest with yourself, you have a sliver of interest in the golden boy and you treat it like a delicious poison. 

“I warned you.”

And with that, you end the phone call. Little does he know that you are playing push-and-pull with yourself, reaching into the crevices of your mind for fantasies of a happy ending before putting it back down, like someone changing their mind while grocery shopping. 

You force yourself to sleep that night to stop your thoughts from running wild.

The second thing Kise does is hang out with you a lot more.

He’s smart enough not to cling on you like a koala and sometimes makes your meeting for work instead of for fun: helping each other with homework, shopping for a new look, photo-hunting. It’s like he has different excuses to hang out with you, and though you realize this is part of his ploy to make you fall for him, you strangely don’t reject his invitations.

That’s because outings with Kise are fun and productive, most of the time. He makes it easy for you to laugh and let go.

“There’s fluff on your jacket, ___________-cchi!” He’d say and proceed to blow it away instead of brush it off, breath brushing the side of your neck. Those are the times when you can actually feel him sinking under your skin, penetrating your defenses. Those are the times when you actually want him to be closer.

But then you remember your father and you retract back into your shell.

“Quit it, Kise,” you chuckle, trying to swat him away, “what if I want that fluff to stay on my shoulder?”

The third thing Kise does is get into your head.

To be fair, he probably doesn’t do it consciously. You blame it on hanging out with him too much. At night, you would find yourself thinking about him. It started off small: wondering if he’s asleep grew into fantasizing about what the two of you will do the next time you meet, which soon also grew into something more magnanimous. 

Would he kiss you on the forehead before going to sleep every night? Is he the type to offer his scarf to you when you’re cold? What would he smell like—cedar wood or geraniums?

“Are you okay,___________-cchi? You’re kind of spacing out.”

“I’m okay,” you lie, obviously too caught up in his yellow-brown eyes, “I think I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

He touches his forehead against yours, a gesture that is considered innocent below the age of 12, probably. You know it’s his way of measuring your body temperature, but considering your weird relationship with him, he might be using it as a way to get closer to you. At this point in time your heart is beating fast from the exhilaration of having his face right in front of yours. On the contrary, you feel your core trembling with fear because you have already acknowledged his power over you.

“What are you doing to___________?”

The two of you snap back to reality at Midorima’s harsh voice, meeting his equally harsh gaze. 

“No indecent behavior is allowed in this house,” your brother says as if he were the head of the family, “either you do your homework or get out.”

“But Midorima-cchi,” Kise interjects, “I was just checking if___________-cchi was sick!”

“Are you sick?” Your brother asks, looking your way. You shake your head.

“I don’t think so,” you murmur, “just tired.”

“I’ll get you something to drink,” is the only thing Midorima says before he leaves your room, and the two of you are alone once more. Kise’s words of concern go in one ear and out the other as your thoughts find a way to occupy your mind.

I’m just in so deep, you correct yourself.

The last thing Kise does is nothing.

You happen to be waiting for him outside of his school for another study session (he was somehow doing okay with English conversations) when you stumble upon a scene which looks so much like a shoujo manga. The air is so private and intimate that even you breathing in would feel like an intrusion, but that did not stop you from eavesdropping behind a concrete wall next to the gates.

Beyond that wall is Kise and another female student. You can only pick up some of her words since they are mostly hushed—”I like… long time… go out… me”—and it really doesn’t take much to make you figure out what is happening.

A confession.

There is a few seconds of silence during which you think about how upset you would be if he ends up accepting. You rejected him after all, and after all this time he might have grown tired of subtly chasing you, leading him to look for another plaything to amuse himself with. This girl might be the lucky one. Your stomach is churning and bile seemingly gathers at the base of your throat. You swallow it.

And that is how you find out your true feelings about Kise Ryouta.

“I’m sorry, I like someone else.”

You can nearly hear the girl gasp, but your ears focus on Kise’s next words.

“Funny story, really,” he chuckles, the sound sad and forlorn, “I was rejected, too. But my feelings won’t go away, even after all this time. I really tried not thinking about it and moving on, but it’s like I’m glued.”

You feel the strength leave your knees, yet you still manage to stand on both feet.

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” he laughs out. From where you are hiding, you cannot see the girl’s confused and heartbroken look. “I guess I just want you to understand that I was rejected, too, so I know how you feel right now, and I’m sorry for being the one to cause it.”

“Kise-kun… was rejected?”

“Yeah,” he sheepishly answers, “that doesn’t change how I feel, though.”

You can no longer hear anything except for the gradually increasing crunch of leaves beneath the girl’s feet as she exits the scene, probably too dazed to notice your figure standing next to the gates. You find that you are light-headed, as if your mind is filled with smoke and all this is a dream. 

The next person you see passing through the gates is Kise himself, looking somewhat lonely. He notices you, however, and surprise enters his eyes as he stares into yours. You overheard that conversation.

The last thing Kise does is nothing because you are the one bringing him into your open arms, embracing him as you sob into his chest. He feels that reality is out of touch for one exact second—that you are not really hugging him and he is not really smelling your hair and everything is an illusion—but the wetness of your tears against his school uniform clears the fog in his head.

He leans down to kiss your forehead with gentleness more than you have ever imagined, an unspoken message of I will never let you go.

[mikebyler]

A Boy for Flowers

Pairing: Bill Denbrough x Richie Tozier

Words: 1.6k

Warnings: Swearing

Par: 2/?

A/N: yes, i’m changing some canon stuff. but then again, this entire thing is set in the modern world and bill is homeschooled. was it ever really following canon?

-

Bill stared at himself in the mirror. It was the next morning, and he’d just woken up after a long night. Long, because he kept waking up from dreams about that stupid Richie Tozier. Bill splashed water on his face, a thousand thoughts running through his head. Why couldn’t he shake the image of the tall, wild haired boy from his mind? This wasn’t a crush. Bill had had crushes before, besides, he was straight. He’d never been interested in boys, so why would he be now? Bill heard his mother calling him down for breakfast, and he gave one last sigh and splash of water to his face before running down the stairs.

“Billy, guess what!” Bill’s younger brother Georgie called out when Bill walked into the dining room.

“What is it, G-Georgie?” Bill asked with a smile.

“I’m gonna be helping out you and mommy at the store today!”

Bill sat next to the small boy and ruffled his hair. “Is that s-so? Well, be careful, mom likes to muh-make us kids do all the work.”

Bill’s mother gave a short chuckle from the kitchen, where she was finishing cooking some sausages.

“Mommy, that’s not nice!” Georgie pouted.

“Now look what you’ve done, Bill,” his mom said, shaking her head as she came into the dining room.

Bill laughed. “I’m only j-j-joking, Georgie. Mom does her fuh-fair share.”

Georgie gave a suspicious look to his mother, but quickly forgot about the whole thing when his plate was filled with food.

“So,” Bill’s mom said as they ate. “Any plans for tonight, sweetie?”

Bill shrugged. “I’ll p-p-probably hang with Eddie again.”

“Didn’t I hear Mike mention something about a party tonight?”

“Next week.”

“Ah,” Bill’s mom nodded. “Well, I might need you to stay a bit later at the shop tonight, maybe until closing. Hopefully not, but maybe.”

Bill sighed. “Fine. Will I g-get paid extra?”

Bill’s mom nodded. “Your dad is thinking about giving you a raise, too.”

Bill threw his head back and sighed with relief. “Fuh-finally!”

“Now eat your breakfast and go get ready, I’ve been a little behind today. We’ve got to get going.”

Bill hurried and scarfed down the rest of his meal and hurried up the stairs to shower and get dressed. As he came out of the bathroom, scrubbing his head with a towel, he noticed his phone buzzing on top of his dresser. He checked it, saw it was Eddie calling, and picked up.

“What’s up, Ed?”

“Richie Tozier has been idling outside your store for about 15 minutes.”

Bill froze. “Wuh-what?”

“Yeah,” Eddie continued. “He’s got a boy in the car with him, his boyfriend, I’m assuming, and they’re just sitting there.”

“He’s p-p-probably just wanting to get more fuh-flowers and didn’t know we open later on Saturdays?” Bill suggested.

“Dunno,” Eddie sighed. “I just thought I’d let you know, since you were so interested in him yesterday. Thought you might be excited he was there.”

“Sh-shut up, Eddie. I’m not interested in him.”

“I tease, dude.” Eddie laughed. “Anyway, see you tonight.”

Bill nodded. “See you t-tonight.”

The line went dead, and Bill shook his head as he pulled a shirt over his head. Richie was obviously just there for more flowers. Even though coming back for more flowers the day after was a little weird. Maybe his boyfriend didn’t like the flowers? Bill frowned. Why was he so worried about it? It’s just a guy coming in to get flowers.

“Bill, we’ve got to go!” Called his mom from downstairs.

“Cuh-coming, mom!” Bill yelled back, quickly pulling on some pants and grabbing his shoes, dashing down the stairs to the car.

The drive to the shop wasn’t long, and as the car came around the corner, sure enough, there was the head of curls that had driven itself so deeply into Bill’s mind sitting in a beat up old truck, sitting next to someone who Bill felt was slightly familiar. His mom pulled around the back of the shop, and Bill hopped out to help Georgie out of the car.

“Billy, I don’t need help!” Georgie pouted as his older brother help out a hand for Georgie to take ahold of.

“Juh-just checking, Georgie.” Bill laughed, stepping to the side and closing the door as his little brother ran into the shop after his mother. Bill sighed and followed.

After completing all the tasks he needed to do before opening the store, Bill walked to the front and flipped the switch on the “Open!” sign. He glanced up and saw Richie through his car window, and the boy waved. Bill gave a small wave back, staring hard at (who he assumed to be) Richie’s boyfriend, who had his back to him. Why did he seem so familiar?

Bill sighed and walked behind the counter as Richie got out of his car.

“I’m going in the back, you’ve got the counter?” Bill’s mom said, handing a small bundle of flowers to Georgie.

“I got it.” Bill replied. As she walked out of the main area, Richie came through the doors.

“Big Bill!” He said loudly, coming to the counter and leaning forward. “How are ya today?”

Bill smiled. “Hey, Ruh-Richie. Back again?”

Richie nodded. “Jason liked the flowers so much he thought he should get some for his mom, she’s been having a rough time at work. He didn’t want to come in for some reason though...”

Bill’s eyes narrowed. “Jason?”

“Yeah, I’m dating Jason Bowers.”

Bill stiffened. “There’s the r-reason he didn’t want to come in, then.”

Richie recoiled slightly. “Okay, I can literally feel a chill coming off of you. What the hell just happened?”

“You’re dating a Buh-Bowers, that’s what happened. I’m s-s-surprised you can get away with that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means his fuh-family is th-the worst, and I’m surprised his d-dad would let one of huh-his sons date another g-g-guy.” Bill felt his cheeks flush and his insides twist into a knot. He let out a frustrated groan. Every time the Bowers family came up this happened. He should be over this by now, he should be fine…

Richie spoke up, getting Bill’s attention. “I don’t know what you mean by “his family is the worst”, they’ve been nothing but nice to me. I mean, his brother Henry is kind of an asshole, but-”

“Kind of an asshole?” Bill hissed, slapping his hands on the counter and causing Richie to take a step back. “H-Henry Bowers is the muh-most foul, t-t-twisted person I’ve had the m-muh-misfortune to look at! He’s… he’s the reason I’ve g-got this s-s-stupid stutter, he’s the ruh-reason I’m homeschooled, and his d-d-dad is the reason mine doesn’t have a juh-job!”

Richie stared at Bill, wide eyed, leaning away slightly. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s n-none of your business. Buh-besides, I don’t want to t-t-talk to anyone wh-whose judgement is impaired enough to duh-d-date a member of the fucking B-Bowers family.” Bill ripped off his apron and stepped around the counter, pushing past Richie, throwing open the front door and rushing down the street, not caring what his mother would say when she discovered he’d left.

Bill hadn’t lost his temper like that in a long time, and he hated himself for doing so in front of an almost complete stranger. His hands shaky, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Eddie’s number. He promptly picked up.

“What’s up? Aren’t you at work?”

“N-no. Can I cuh-c-come over?”

“Of course,” Eddie’s voice was tight on the other line. He could tell Bill was upset, his stutter was sounding bad. “The front door is unlocked, and my mom isn’t home, so we’re fine to talk about whatever.”

“Thanks,” Bill said softly, hanging up and starting a jog to Eddie’s house.

-

Bill arrived at Eddie’s house about 10 minutes later, and he was immediately greeted by a nervous Eddie as soon as he pushed through the front door.

“What the hell happened?” Eddie asked. “What’s gotten you upset?”

Bill groaned and threw himself face down onto Eddie’s couch. Eddie sat gently next to him and rubbed his back.

“Bill?”

Bill turned his face outward so he could speak. “R-R-Richie brought his buh-boyfriend in today.”

Eddie’s face was confused. “You’re jealous?”

Bill sighed. “Dammit, Ed, I don’t like him. H-his boyfriend is Juh-Jason Bowers.”

Eddie sat silent for a moment. “And it ended up setting you off.”

“Yeah,” Bill replied, pushing his face into his hands. “I was s-so angry at Richie for duh-dating a Bowers, but how could h-he know? Now I feel bad and st-stupid for blowing up at him.”

“Then tell him why you were so upset, otherwise he’ll think it was his fault. That’s the kind of person Richie is.” Eddie said.

Bill shot a sideways glance at his best friend. “I k-kind of did.”

“Explain it to him completely. I can tell you want to be friends with him, but I also know you don’t want anything to do with the Bowers. Maybe telling him will get him to break it off.”

“That’s puh-pretty sinister, Ed.”

Eddie shrugged. “As annoying as Richie was when we were kids, I liked him enough to not want him to date someone from the Bowers clan. Those are just some people you shouldn’t get mixed up with.”

“I d-d-don’t have any way to get in contact with him.” Bill said, weakly trying to get out of talking to Richie.

“I know where his house is. I’ll give you the address, you go when you’re ready.” Eddie smiled. “I’m here if you need anything.”

Bill smiled at Eddie, then flopped back onto the couch.

“G-guess I’m gonna be telling a stranger my life story now, huh?”

Eddie laughed. “That’s how we became friends, isn’t it?”

Bill nodded. “Yeah. I was way t-too open back then. Still am, to buh-be honest.”

“It’s charming.” Eddie said, pinching Bill’s cheek. “It shows that you’re trusting.”

Bill swatted Eddie’s hand away with a small giggle, but inside, Bill really didn’t feel trusting at all.

-

i hope you enjoyed! 

tags: @skeletontozier

[fandom-madnessess]

I honestly don't care about shipping, so feel free to pick one your self, but perhaps something to the effect that Simon is having trouble lighting a menorah because of it is a holy act and his friends help him find a solution?

Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane & Simon Lewis, Simon Lewis & Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Jace LightwoodRating: G, Word Count: 1070Hanukkah, Canon Universe, POV Simon

(Note: this is based on how vampirisme works in the books, not the show)

Raphael told him it was abad idea, but Simon hadn’tlistened. He wishes he had, because then he wouldn’t be sitting on the floor,staring at the menorah in front of him.

‘It’s just a bunch of candles,’ he tells himself. ‘It’s just a bunch of candles.’

But it’s not. It’s cooking with his mom. It’s being sandwiched betweenhis grandparents as they interrogate him about school and his plans for thefuture. It’s singing with his sister.It’s telling Clary of themiracle of Hanukkah the first year they were friends. It’s family, history, faith. It’s all there in those ninecandles.

When he’d first turned, Raphaelwarned him that he wouldn’tbe able to go back to his old life, that he’d have to leave everything behind. Simon hadn’t believed him, thoughtRaphael was just being a dick. He pokes at the burn mark from when he’d wanted to move the menorahto a window. A vivid red streak across his palm that hurts more to look atthan to touch. He’dconsidered gloves, or even a towel, to touch the menorah and candles,but then what? How was he going to light them? Will he get smote if he tried tolight them? Will the blessings burn his tongue?

Maybe Raphael’s right. Maybe–

His phone vibrating on theconcrete floor makes hum jump, the harsh buzzing pulling him out of his gloomythoughts.

From Clary:Picking youup in 10

The text make him smile. Ofcourse Clary knows.

He gives the menorah onemore look, then gets up to find his jacket and wait for Clary outside theboathouse. Ten minutes later, huddled in a scarf and a hat pulled over herears, she walks up to him with the brisk pace of someone trying very hard notto let the winter chill get to them. It must be cold out. He hadn’t really noticed. Lookingdown, Simon realizes he didn’teven zip up his jacket. Another reminder that he’s no longer who he was.

‘We’re going to Magnus’,’ Clary says by way ofgreeting. Little clouds puff out of her mouth as she talks.

‘I could’ve met you there,’ Simon says, no cloudscoming out of his own mouth. It’sa pretty big detour to go by the docks on your way from the Institute to Magnus’ loft.

‘Wasn’t sure you’d come if I told you that,’ she admits. She hooks theirelbows and tugs. ‘Comeon.’

On their way, they talkabout everything but the giant elephant trundling behind them. He doesn’t mind. He needs thedistraction. The sun is setting and soon little lights will start appearingbehind so many windows.

Simon races up the stairs tothe loft and almost breaks down Magnus’door in his hurry to get inside. He’shoping Magnus is throwing a party. A wild one. With Downworlders, and drinks,and maybe even fire dancers or acrobats. Maybe there’s a portal, waiting to takethem to a beautiful tropical island untouched by humans.

There’s nothing. No other people,no music. Simon keeps walking until he reaches the living room, then freezes insurprise. There are menorahs lining Magnus’ windowsills. The average ones that most people have, one thatlooks like it might be an antique, and several electric ones. Candles, matches,and lighters are neatly lined up on a side table.

‘What’s going on?’ he asks, turning to Clary.

‘We’re going to help you figureout a way to celebrate Hanukkah,’she says.

‘We?’

‘We,’ Magnus echoes, appearingfrom the kitchen. Trays laden with food are floating around him, and hecarefully lowers them to the coffee table. He then gestures to the door,opening it with a swirl of purple magic, revealing Alec, Izzy, and Jace,looking windswept and ruddy cheeked.

‘We got your stuff,’ Isabelle grins, holding upa bag.

‘What is going on?’ Simon repeats. He’s going to freak out aboutanyone other than himself or his mom seeing his Spiderman boxers later.

‘It told you,’ Clary says. ‘We’re going to help you figureout Jewish Vampire Hanukkah.’

‘Why do you keep saying thatlike it makes sense?’

‘I tried to find records ofother Vampires celebrating Hanukkah, but sadly I couldn’t,’ Magnus says like it answersSimon’s question. ‘Sowe’ll have to figure it outbased on what we know you definitely can’tdo. I have provided every different type of menorah I could find. You must beable to use at least one of these, in some way,’ Magnus says, sweeping his arm in the direction of the windows. ‘And you’re staying with me for theduration.’

‘I wrote down the prayers,’ Jace says. He pulls afolder out of the bag with Simon’sthings. ‘In Hebrew and phonetically.Since you can’tsay them, maybe you can place them by the candles instead? Or one of us canread them for you? Whichever would be okay.’ He puts the folder on the side table with the candles. ‘Or does saying them in yourhead work, too?’

‘And we’re all going to be here formoral support,’Izzy adds.

Simon looks a littleskeptically to Alec, surprised to see him nod, no trace of mockery orexasperation on his face.

‘Thank you,’ Simon says. His throatfeels thick. ‘Butwhat if nothing works?’

‘Well, there are severalpublic events. So we can always go to one of those,’ Clary suggests. She holdsup her phone with a smile. ‘Gotthem all bookmarked. It’sa little late to go to one today, but there’s still the rest of the week.’

Simon looks from Clary toMagnus to the Lightwoods. He’sat a loss for words. He pulls Clary in, hugging her tightly.

‘Thank you,’ he whispers. He’d been so close to giving upon this part of himself. Another part of Simon Lewis dead and gone.

It’s not going to be the same,of course. He still misses his family, and the comfortable, familiar traditionshe’s always known. But he’s also a little excited. He’s going to figure this out,not just Hanukkah, but all their traditions. And when the next Jewish personclaws themselves out of a grave, or even the ones that already have, they’ll know they’re not damned.

He takes the fireproofgloves Magnus hands him, thinking that maybe he should call his rabbi tomorrow.He has a lot of questions.

[katreal-fic]

Monofell: Dawn of the First Day

On the Fourth Day of Chara, Doodle gave to me…

Foreshadowed madness, Theoretical scenarios, Too many questions, And a little spark of inspiration.

 Day 4: Unexpected Player

Monofell belongs to @pc-doodle / @monofell-au

The Writer does not claim canonicity in any way. Enjoy!

Previous | Next

There was a town beyond the bridge. It was quaint; the wooden structures and bright lights a stark change from the quiet forests. I stood at the edge for a moment, watching as a variety of monsters moved two and fro between the buildings. I could even hear the faint murmur of voices, drifting up beyond the edge of the town’s limits, although I couldn’t understand what they said from here.

There wasn’t really a way around. The road ran directly through the center.

I entered the town.

Curious gazes followed me as I took one step.

And then another.

They never lingered, sliding away just as soon as they landed, but there were so many of them, piling onto my shoulders. I drew inward. Away from the constant, but fleeting attention. Toward that cold numbness aching deep in my chest. Because that ache was familiar.

“Did you hear? Greater Dog’s missing from his post.”

“It isn’t like the Canine Unit to miss their poker game…”

This close, the warm light was painful to eyes that had adjusted to the dim forest. A cacophony of voices were grating after the quiet shifting of the trees.

“Maybe it’s a sentry thing? Sans hasn’t been in for his evening drink either.”

“Think Papyrus read them all the riot act? You know how he gets about slacking off.”

I just...kept walking. Clinging to the familiar plastic of my knife.

So many people.

“He’s like a second Captain sometimes, I swear. I could believe he roped them all into a special training session. I’ll ask Doggo sometime--we got a betting pool going when Papyrus will finally scold that brother of his.”

Did they not want to play?

If we could play…

“Oooh, maybe I should get in on that.”

Maybe I’d feel better. Maybe it wouldn’t be so overwhelming.

Laughter.

Just one game?

“Yoooo! What’s so funny?”

Please?

Anything but the constant glances, and the continued crunch of my boots along the packed snow covered road.

“Ugh--Sorry kid. Ya gotta be there for it. You know how it is.”

Conversation died awkwardly. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. The growing tightness in my temples easing a little. But only a little.

A large decorated tree stood out, rising out of a small clearing near the center of town. I focused on it, doing my best to block out the rest of my surroundings. It didn’t work entirely, but the memory of the game with the grumpy deer monster was definitely more pleasant than this. Its horns had looked a little like this tree. They’d been a little weird, with the wire and the lights and the picture frame, but the memory almost made me want to smile.

It had looked ridiculous. And had left a small pile of junk in the snow when I won. I wondered why that was. Why only some things dissolved, and some didn’t. Mr. Skeleton had left behind a scarf too. Mom--

“Oh my child!”

...mom?

I froze beneath the tree. The voice had come from behind me. It sounded wrong-- but something in the air wafted toward me. A smell. Sweet, and a little spicy.

“Here. Take this. You look hungry.” Blue--blue not white--furred paws pressed something warm into my hands. It burned against my numb fingers. “And a little cold--your hands are positively chilled! You should stop by the general store, tell the shopkeeper Peri told her to get you a bandanna. I have no idea how you can stand it here without fur! Are you visiting from waterfall? You gotta bundle up tight around here!”

The blue monster smiled at me--mom had smiled like that. Something deep in my chest recoiled--and replaced the white cloth covering her basket, cutting off most of that sweet smell. Some still wafted from the pastry in my hand.

“Do not hesitate to stop by the Inn if you ever need to warm up. I’m sure my son would enjoy a playmate.”

With a wave, she was gone. I looked down at it, about the size of my palm. Tan, with a dusting of dark brown. A pointed nose, long ears, and a round tail.

Bunny. The thought filtered in unbidden. Sprung from that quiet depth of my mind that knew things. That knew Mom was safe. That knew the snow was impossible. That knew that smell was cinnamon.

It smelled like mom’s pie.

I’d woken to it that first night. The pie had been laid out on the floor, the sweet and spicy smell of cinnamon mixing with the smooth flavor of--something else--butterscotch. It had been overwhelming. Suffocating. Throwing me into a mix of this is wrong but oh so right.

I’d left it there.

The cinnamon alone wasn’t as bad, but I couldn’t bring myself to take a bite.

It isn’t chocolate.

Cinnamon belonged to--someone else.

“Yoooo, I’m jealous. You gonna eat that? Mrs. Periwinkle doesn’t give those things out to just anyone. You normally have to buy ‘em from--”

Yellow. Stripes. A wagging tail.

I shoved it at them.

“Woah!” Somehow they caught it. Without arms. I turned away as they scarfed it down.

I needed to go.

This place was too much.

I’d almost reached the edge of town when the crunch of snow alerted me to someone following me. I slowed, even as my heart began to pick up pace.

Was it a challenger?

At last?

“Yo!”

It was the yellow one. The long, thick lizard-like tail wagged happily. “Thanks a bunch for the Cinnamon Bunny! Are you sneaking out to Waterfall? I--uh--my--parents don’t like me going out alone, but if I’m with someone else I’m SURE it’ll be okay! None of the other kids ever want to hang out with me. Hey! You’re wearing a striped shirt! Does that mean you’re a kid too?!”

I didn’t answer.

I left the brightness of the town behind. An iceblock floated serenely along the river beside me, a--thankfully--silent companion. A wall of white appeared to be before me, the lapping of the water was soon overpowered by a gust of wind as it kicked up the ever present layer of snow that covered the ground. Chunks of snows and ice stung at my cheeks, which I’d thought had long ago gone numb from the persistent cold.

One foot in front of the other. My fingers were frozen around the hilt of the toy knife. I couldn’t even hear the chattering of my teeth as I shivered, my eyes nearly useless from the thickly blown snow.

One foot in front of the other.

And then, I stepped out of it. I’d been fighting against the wind, and the lack of force caught me by surprise. I tried to correct my balance, but it sent me tumbling, rolling in the suddenly less disturbed snow. I lay on my back, blinking snow out of my eyes and staring up at the cavern ceiling above me.

Why?

Why did this one corridor have such a powerful wind?

Why were the ruins so warm?

Why did snow fall underground?

Why?

I had questions.

Why?

But...I suspected they weren’t the right questions.

I had to keep going.

Why?

What was I looking for?

Maybe I’d know when I saw it.

I was pushing myself up, trying to dust the clinging snow off my sweater when a dark shape pushed its way through the haze of blown snow. Yellow eyes blinked at me from above a short snout. The horned lizard shook itself.

“Yoooo! Thanks for waiting for me! That bit’s a doozy. You can get blown into the river if they aren’t careful. You shoulda seen Ice Capp that one time, he washed up in Waterfall as an Iced Cube--ehehe. I didn’t even get a thank you when I fished him out of the river. Snowy accused me of pushing him in--can you believe that?”

My fingers tightened around plastic.

But no. I hadn’t been challenged yet.

If they didn’t want to play, I’d find someone who did.

“Don’t worry! He would have melted free eventually. It’s warmer--although not really drier--in waterfall! My hide’s thick enough that it doesn’t bother me, but aren’t you cold? You don’t have a lot of fur, and your hide looks really thin and--hey! Where are you going? Wait for me!”

X-x-x

I knelt next to the flower. It gave off a pale blue glow in the dim light of these tunnels. It was quite different from the ruins. From the snowy place. The ceiling much lower. Light was cast by these little gemstones embedded in the ceiling, in the walls. I wondered how they glowed. Was it magic?

Still not the right question.

My unwanted companion had run on ahead, chasing after a big armed horse monster yelling something about a captain. I was alone at last. The corridors were quiet except for the distant gentle rumble of a waterfall a few rooms back. The tension eating into my chest finally eased a little at the solitude. I decided to dawdle a little, drawn to the pale blue petals. The flowers had caught my eye a couple times. There was something--something--

Hey! Look at this! If you’re reeeeeaal quiet you can hear--

I leaned forward, listening. There was a whisper--

“DUDE! That’s an echo flower!”

“DUDE! That’s an echo flower!”

Great. They were back.

“It’ll repeat the last thing it hears! Isn’t that neat?”

“Isn’t that neat?”

“You can sometimes hear some really cool conversations if someone interesting been by! Like, one of the ones ahead mentioned Undyne was in the area! Can you believe that? Something about damage control! I tried to ask the locals, but they didn’t really want to talk to me. I don’t know why--”

“I don’t know why--”

“I don’t know why--”

“I don’t know why--”

“I don’t know why--”

“I don’t know why--”

“Oh--is it time to go again? Wait for me!”

“Wait for me!”

“Wait for me!”

“Wait for me!”

X-x-x

“Oh! You found an umbrella! Mind if I join you?”

Talking.

“I could try holding one with my tail, but it’s really difficult to keep it straight since I need it to balance--aaaand it says to only take one and you already took one--”

Always talking.

Always.

It drowned out the rain that splattered against the fabric of my pink umbrella. The yellow lizard didn’t even wait for an answer--not that I ever gave them one--and squeezed themselves under the dubious protection. They were close. So close, but not quite touching. Not yet.

I tried to ignore them. I really did. But--

“--see? Look it’s big enough! Yeah! Hey--there’s puddles everywhere! Have you ever splashed in ‘em before? It’s super fun! Well, maybe not if you aren’t wearing waterproof boots. Are you wearing waterproof boots? I am! Ya need ‘em in Snowdin or you’ll get snow in your socks. That sucks, let me tell you. Cold and wet.”

They.

Wouldn’t.

Stop.

Talking.

It was getting annoying.

Occasionally they’d fall silent. Humming to themselves. That was an improvement. It was almost tolerable then. But the moment I showed even the slightest bit of interest in something they’d be off again.

These flowers are bridge seeds--

Oh these old inscriptions? No need to read them! We learned all this junk in school!

Just poke the mushrooms! They light up the path! Cool eh?

There’s this crazy kid named Temmie who runs around here. Wonder where she is.

Heeeeeey look at this old statue! Looks like it could hold something--

It was getting difficult to think. As if there was a low pressure building behind my eyes. I refused to look around. I just kept walking. Trying to leave them behind.

I wanted them to stop.

They wouldn’t stop.

“Oh hey! Stop! Look! That’s the castle in the distance. That’s where the king lives--have you ever been there? I hear new home is crooooowded -- hey wait! Ack! I’m getting wet!”

I just kept walking.

I wanted to clear my head.

I wanted to ease the ache in my chest.

I wanted to see the pretty red light again.

But no one came.

Just the lizard.

And they just.

Kept.

Talking.

X-x-x

There was a bridge. It spanned a deep ravine. The wind howled through the crags. Echoing in my ears.

Almost drowning them out.

Almost. But not quite.

“Oh! Oh! I know this place! They call it “Undyne’s Arena” cause the captain comes here to train! Maybe she’ll be here? Maaaaan, I wanted to see her. The echo flower said she was around. I’m--already gonna be in trouble when I go back. But if I got to see Undyne it would totally be worth it. Don’t you think so?”

They’d run on ahead. And stopped, turning around to look at me. Expectant as always. I never answered. They didn’t ever seem to care that I didn’t answer them with words. But they always wanted something.

Well. I wanted something too.

I’d exchanged the umbrella back for my toy knife a while back. It was familiar. It offered another solution.

They would be quiet if they lost the game.

Why?

Why didn’t they want to play?

Even mom had.

Maybe this was another lesson?

Mom hadn’t wanted to play at first.

I’d made her.

Provoked her, hadn’t I?

I hadn’t meant to.

I still didn’t understand how.

But it had.

I just--wanted them to stop.

The world began to darken.

A warmth began to blossom in my chest.

“Dude! You didn’t tell me you could have your soul out too! Undyne does that all the time! It’s super rad--like basically saying ‘hah! None of you wimps could ever hope to touch me!’”

They just wouldn’t stop.

“Her’s is green though--I’ve never seen a red soul before--hey! I think mine might be yellow, but I’ve never managed to see it-- Yo? What are you do--”

I was going to make them stop.

“MOVE YOUR TAIL KID!”

“WOAH!”

My world was filled with green. My knife sunk through armor as if it were nothing. Someone grunted. Heavy gauntlets closed around my hands, but I refused to let go.

My eyes were captured by the floating light above my head. Green--not red, like mine--flickering in intensity. I could see a shape in the green light, curved, with a pointed top.

“W-why did you--U-Undyne--”

Crack.

The sound was almost lost in the wind. White lines spread through the light. Spreading. Growing larger. Cracks. It was cracking. The force around my hands intensified, metal ringing my wrist.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE KID!”

I clung to my knife as it was yanked out of the armor. I was thrown backward, off the bridge and onto the stone landing. Thrown away.

“O--ok--”

I reeled. A shadow loomed above me in the darkness, green armor, cracked light, and a crooked snarl.

Green magic erupted in the darkness. A spear in each hand.

Finally.

I let all the irritation and tension go.

I’d been waiting.

The green light struggled, splintered…

It held out longer than any before.

But even it died.

And I was left alone at last.

End of Day 4