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scalamore · 1 year

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Rupert’s possessiveness: Character development

(Chapter 25) From what Lari has seen and experienced firsthand in TL2, people don’t change.

Everyone she knew from the past: those in House Belois, Aunt Amelia and even Crazy Emperor, Arnulf, Nigelle: No one changed. They all acted exactly how they did in the past. It was especially hurtful that she told her family the events of TL1, but they continued the act as same as ever. This causes Lari to erroneously think that everything she does is meaningless, there’s no point. But she still tries her best

This is particularly scary for her in Rupert’s case, because from what she’s seen, “Rupert hasn’t changed” either. He’s still the kind, considerate TL2 she’s always known. But she can’t shake the idea that that “kind” Rupert somehow became the cruel tyrant Emperor in TL1.

But the thing is, she never noticed his change, because she had influenced him since day one.

But neither had noticed.

From their conversation in Chapter 24, and again in Chapter 45, he reveals to her that he only cares about things that belong to him. Things that he can hold in his hands, that he owns and possesses completely. He has nothing, so it makes sense he holds what he owns tightly and not let go. Unlike most people, he doesn’t treasure things because he likes them; but rather because they belong to him. As of Season 1, he clearly tells her she doesn’t belong to him, she isn’t his, so he doesn’t care about her. If she’s that desperate to protect her family, then go ahead, prove herself to him. (Ch 32).

So Lari acts recklessly in S2, trying her best to prove her loyalty to him, that she’s his ally over and over. She’s able to breathe a sigh of relief for the first time, and is able to relax when he finally says that she belongs to him now in chapter 66 and 68; and why she was upset when she thought he didnt trust her at all in chapter 82. Lari wholeheartedly believes that the trust he has in her is extremely fragile, that one wrong move from her will make him lose his trust, and she has lost everything that she tried to accomplish in these last 3-4 years.

But the thing is, Rupert has trusted her a long time ago; those feelings steadily grew since Chapter 60. It’s pretty obvious in the manhwa now, during S3, that although Rupert acts possessive and says that Lari belongs to him and gets irritated when other handsome men get close to her, he treats her more like a person than an object.

At some point as Rupert grew up and matured, so did his views on possession: he no longer treasures the things that belong to him (Tory, Louis, guns, Fassbender company/money, Raccoon), but rather, he treasures the person who he likes - Lari. The consideration and attention he has for her is worlds different from what he owns.

The moment you realize Rupert is being clingy lately is because to him, “possessing someone” is the only one to keep them by his side. Lari has promised to be by his side as his maid/attendant - and that is their current bond/relationship - between master and maid.

He has no idea that the strong feelings he has for her is [love] - poor guy cares for her so much, and wants her to stay at the palace but has no idea how to convince her to do so since she doesnt want anything from him.

—

Meanwhile, Lari, doesn’t realize that Rupert’s viewpoint has changed and he treasures her because he likes her. She still thinks that he treasures her because she’s his ally, his attendant, someone that belongs to him. He’s just a lonely guy, that he just treasures her because he still doesn’t have much. Especially when he keeps on requesting for her to stay, with offers of riches and promotions - she just interprets it as him doubting her sincerity on staying as his ally - when he legit simply wants to give her SOMETHING as motivation/thanks for her to continue to stay, Lari had already said so at the end of the Belois Vacation arc that she wants to marry someone she loves and be with them forever. It takes Rupert forever to realize that all he needs to do is properly confess his feelings to her, tell her he truly loves her, have her love him back, and marry her properly. He can’t bribe her with a large dowry or power via a political marriage, but he certainly can marry her if they have mutual feelings for each other :)

#your majesty please spare me this time #rupelali #otome isekai #manhwa #rofan

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violettelueur · 4 years

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GOJO SATORU + GETO SUGURU || NEVER MEANT TO BE

| featuring : gojo satoru and geto suguru from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : mentions of murder, manga spoilers and grammar errors

| form : imagine

| word count : 1704

| published : 15 November

| request : hellloooo i hope this doesnt sound confusing but tbh im just requesting this since no one requested sum from the manga. how about something like reader arriving at the train station as gojo gets trapped in the prison realm in around chapter 90-91? like shes a shaman and she see geto and has a flashback cuz gojo her and geto were like past buddies? and to think someone could bind gojo?

| barista’s notes : for the people that haven’t read the manga, I would recommend you reading it first before reading this imagine because it has some MAJOR spoilers and I dont think you’ll understand it either way ʅʕ•ᴥ•ʔʃ but defo read it if you haven't, it’s amazing! but moving on from that i hope that you love your order of a cup of black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request)!

Rushing down the stairs of Tokyo Metro, you were trying to get to floor B5F where Gojo was last noted before you heard about the information that he was somehow sealed. With the help of the three other groups that were around the area, you were able to get through the shields that surrounded Shibuya to get to where you needed to be.

You were exhausted. Not physically but mentally as you didn’t know what to expect at all. The second you heard of Gojo’s report on curses forming alliances with each other, you thought he was just bluffing at first and to be honest, his ridiculous drawing wasn't helping with his case either. However, he was someone that you knew you could trust extremely, it had always been like that since both of you became students at Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College.

With your katana hanging from the side of your hip, you quickly jumped to the bottom on the stairs to save precious time before quickly turning the right corner to see what was the whole situation. However, once your hand was on the handle of your sword, your eyes widened in shock from what was right in front of you.

‘Isn’t he supposed to be dead? That's not him is it?’

What was in your sights now was something that was technically impossible. He was supposed to be dead, there was no way he was alive sitting on the station floor. There were no such possibilities for him to be sitting with his back turned to you right now.

Geto Suguru.

ꕥ

You, Gojo, Geto and Ieiri were standing in front of the now-destroyed house due to Gojo using his technique to free both Utahime and Mei Mei from the house that they have been investigating for the two past days.

“Don’t you think that was a little too much Gojo,” you commented with an awkward giggle as you saw tiny to large pieces falling to the ground, leading to your second-year friend saying, “I don’t think it was too much Y/N-chan, besides how could I have impressed you if I didn't take the opportunity to?”

“I shouldn’t have asked part one...” you quickly muttered, before Gojo started to tease Utahime, who was in the middle of the rubble that was created by your flirtatious friend himself.

“Satoru, it’s not nice to pick on the weak,” Geto suddenly commented, before using one of his spirits to devour the curse that suddenly appeared behind Utahime, only for Gojo to state, “who the heck’s gonna pick on someone strong? You’re the one teasing her without even knowing it Geto,” causing your other friend to now to realise what he had said.

No longer being able to handle both of them, you quickly turned your attention to Utahime and asked, “Utahime, are you okay?”. This small but kind gesture of yours caused the grade-two jujutsu sorcerer, to say your name with such glee before you continued with, “we were worried about you since you didn't call for two days” to which only led the woman to pull you into a tight hug.

‘I shouldn’t have asked part two….I’m legit getting no air’

“Y/N don’t you dare become trash like those two, okay?”

“I’ll try my best”

However, this happy and hilarious moment had to sudden halt when Mei Mei suddenly asked, “where’s the curtain?” causing you, Gojo, Geto and Ieiri to look at her with dumbfounded expressions on your faces.

‘Ahhhhhh shi-’

ꕥ

“There’s someone here who said they put up a curtain and then up and left the auxiliary manager behind and forgot about the curtain too”

At this moment and time, all four of you were on your knees in front of your sensei Masamichi Yaga, as he found out from the news that was shown on the TV above that someone *cough*Gojo*cough* forgot to put up a curtain up like him and Mei Mei stated.

“Fess up”

“Sensei! We’re better than pointing fingers at each other,” Gojo randomly commented, as he raised his hand up to emphasise his point. On the other hand, you, Geto and Ieiri had other plans and all pointed at Gojo for this mishap that had occurred without him realising.

“So it’s you!” your teacher shouted, before landing a strong punch on top of your friend’s head, causing you to know to never mess with your teacher anytime soon.

Even though it wasn’t the best time, you and Geto let out a sly giggle before looking at each other, which only led to both of you laughing, even more, the second you stepped out of the room. As chaotic all four of you were, you wouldn’t change it for the world.

However, it was never meant to be.

ꕥ

“Hey!”

Turning to your right, you saw your friend Geto wave at you with a bright smile on his face. To the outsider, it just seemed like two friends meeting with each other or friends that just casually bumped into each other in the crowded streets. On the other hand, it wasn’t that.

Geto was a criminal on the run. You were just informed by your teacher that your friend massacred a whole village as well as the possibilities of his parents. You didn’t want to believe it. Of course, you couldn’t believe it. Geto wasn’t that type of person, he wasn’t like that at all during your time at Jujutsu high together, were the three years a facade?

“Yo, it’s the criminal” you teasingly greeted him, trying to hide your dejection from his view, “you need something from me?”

“I guess I’m just testing my luck” Geto replied back before taking a stand next to you. From your side perspective, you could see what Gojo was talking about a while back. Your longtime friend looks thinner than he did a year ago, you could clearly see the bags in his eyes indicating that he hadn’t had any sleep the past few days. It was like that ever since the killing of the Star Plasma Vessel, a mission that you, Gojo and Geto failed at.

“I’m gonna ask just to be sure, but are those false charges?” you quietly asked, hoping that all this was a lie, a stupid cruel prank that was set up by someone. However, you knew somewhere in your heart that this was the reality that you were in, there was no escaping from this one.

“Nah, unfortunately not”

“Again to be sure, why?” you quietly questioned him, trying to conceal the tears that were threatening to flow down your face.

“I’ll create a world where only shamans exist,” Geto calmly answered, causing you to snap your head in his direction. A world where only shamans exist? What more stupid of a reason he could give you?

“That’s hilarious,” you stated, before you slowly carried on with, “if humans were eliminated, we shamans wouldn’t even have a purpose at all, your reasoning is the most stupid thing I ever heard in my life Geto,”

Geto turned to look at you, only to find you casually open your phone to call Gojo on your sightings on your friend.

“However, I hope that you’re happy now that you're choosing this path. I really hope you get what I’m saying and you don’t live to regret,” you stated, as you place your device next to your ear. “I hope you're happy in the end my friend, that’s all I’m asking for,” you ended your statement before Gojo was on the other side of the line.

“Thank you Y/N”

“Gojo, I met Geto in Shinjuku”

“Did you question him? Did you kill him?”

“I didn’t…...have the heart to Gojo, I’m sorry”

There was nothing but silence between the both of you which gave you the chance to look to your right, only to see that your friend had disappeared from your side. As if he wasn’t there in the first place.

“Hey Gojo...it was never meant to be ha?” you rhetorically asked, as a single tear slowly slid down your face.

ꕥ

Geto Suguru was right there in front of you. Sitting on the ground on the train station with his back turned to you.

However, as much as you wanted to believe that it was true, you knew that it wasn’t really him.

It was just impossible.

Taking your katana out of its black wooden sheath, you were preparing for any attacks that could happen around you right now before you could begin to question who the person in front of you was.

“Who are you?”

The man turned around, slowly showing the face of a man that was someone that was close to both you and Gojo all those years back causing you to look at the person that was in front of you with sorrowful eyes. You wished it was him. But as you said, it was never meant to be.

“Y/N! I'm not surprised that you were able to get through all those shields, you are powerful like Satoru after all,” the man happily commented with the same smile that you missed so dearly.

“I said who are you?!” you repeated in a firmer tone, telling the person that you weren’t playing around anymore as you raised your katana, making the sharp pointed tip to be in level with his face - even if he was far in distance.

“Come on, is that how you greet an old friend?”

“How the hell did you get the Prison Realm within your possession?” you asked, as you looked down at the small cube that Gojo was supposedly in. How such a small thing was able to seal such a powerful shaman like Gojo? You would never know.

“Y/N, we were in the same team for three years, I would assume you know I’m able to get what I need, I am Geto after all,”

“Shut up!” you shouted, surprising the person from your sudden outburst. “I’m not stupid, so don’t you dare play with me for even a second”

“I know you’re not Geto”

“Me and Gojo knew that from the start”

“It wasn’t meant to be”

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #geto suguru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #geto suguru x reader #geto x reader #gojo satoru imagine #gojo satoru imagines #geto suguru imagine #geto suguru imagines

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kdramachitchat · 3 years

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Episode 4 -- It takes a village to raise a child. Lee’s trial resulted to 30 floggings. We also find out more about Yohan’s older brother Isaac and the story behind the fire.

Episode 4 starts right off with the 1st trial of Lee Youngmin who is the son of Ms Cha. The trial ended and Judge Yohan gave words of encouragement to Judge Oh saying that both of them are a team. With a ecstatic producer, they were able to capture the moment on video. For sure their ratings will sky rocket even more.

Yohan receives a call from Cha and she asks why is he going this far & replies that she should ask her own son instead of him. Yohan added a rhetorical question on why Lee keeps on treating people like dirt. A person going through alot resulting to lose of control with his own temper is not an excuse. Cha defending her son saying he’s not a bad person. Yohan talks back and asks her if she was this relaxed while she’s a prosecutor. Yohan ended the phonecall and Cha demands that they meet in person.

Yohan and Cha discusses the result of her son’s trial

Cha is determined to change the result of her son’s first trial. Yohan says that her son is only being sentenced by the law. Cha didnt believe what he’s saying and says that he’s only doing this to get to her. Cha asks if there’s anything Yohan wants from her and wants a statement that doesnt include something obvious like justice. She knows that he wants power to gain popularity and suggests to give him a better case. He mentioned that there’s a case 19 yrs ago where she investigated a young politician with a bright future for bribery. At the time he hadnt taken any bribes. She investigated him and received a guilty verdict. Yohan mentions that the man is a trademark of morals and sadly took his own life, leaving behind his middle school son. Yohan asks Cha if she ever thought about that case during her career of 19 years. Cha defended herself that the case was legal. If she wants her son’s case to be let go she has to follow Yohan’s orders. Yohan ordered to tell the media the truth of that case.

Ga On asks Soohyun if he could meet the officer who investigated the fire 10 years ago. His call suddenly gets interrupted when Yohan came in the room. Ga On looks completely well but why hasn’t he left the mansion yet? As Yohan said, looks like he’s trying to find something. Ga On tells him that he’s not interested in other people’s business. Yohan then invited him somewhere and chooses his outfit for him.

SRF Party -- Gaon becomes a hit with the ladies & gets introduced to influential players. He also learns more about Yohan and the rich.

Yohan brings Ga On to the Social Responsibility Foundation party and Ms Sun Ah formally introduces herself to Ga On. Ga On then gets flocked by influential women and compliments how handsome he is. He got introduced by the wives of Chairman Park who owns Saram Media, Chairman Min who owns Minbo Group, Kim Sang Sook, Pi Hyang Mi. They complemented him saying that he’s a rising star. The women starts to ask for pictures and he gets extremely uncomfortable with the attention. Yohan observes from afar and seems happy that he’s getting the attention. Yohan saves him from the attention and excuses Ga On. The ladies talk behind his back making comments on how long Ga On can last working for Yohan. SunAh also makes a comment that Ga On is Yohan’s chaperone. He then officially gets introduced to Park Duman (Chairman of People’s Media Group), Min Yongsik (Chairman Of Minbo Group). The President arrives and the event starts. Chairman Seo being the bastard he is touching a server’s lower. SunAh noticed that she’s severely shaking while serving him water, stopped him and punched Chairman Seo in private. During their private conversation looks like SunAh is the leader over the 2.

Yohan makes a speech especially to the President and asks him if it has to be Cha who will protect his fortunes. The President agrees and says that it doesnt have to be Cha who’ll take part on the next presidency. The President says that the next candidate has to be someone who is popular amongst commoners and needs to have a strong background story. What about Yohan? Ga On quietly observes the situation from afar and notices how the huge players are bunch of crazy lunatics.

Ga On stays away from the dinner and has a private discussion with SunAh. SunAh starts discussing about the church fire from 10 yrs ago and mentions that there was a event that day that wasnt reported. Yohan’s older brother wanted to sign a contract stating that he’ll donate his wealth to the SRF. Then suddenly a huge fire broke out that day, coincidence i think not. SunAh tells Ga On that Isaac and his wife died due to the fire. Yohan is alive and the first thing he did after leaving the hospital was to cancel the donations made by his brother. In advance, Yohan brought a doctor’s note saying that Isaac had a weak mind and was incapble of making sound decisions. To think that Yohan did all of this right after his brother died. SunAh gets effected whenever the live show happens because of this situation.

Ga On and Yohan drives back to the mansion in silence. Ga On comments on the observation he made with the rich. Yohan tells him that both the rich and poor are the same when they’re in front of greed.

Lee Youngmin’s second trial

Ms Cha receives a call saying that they want her to deal with her son’s case alone. She also thinks about the choice Yohan gave her during their private discussion. Then a flashback about the wife and husband talking about their son’s case. The husband only cares about their son and not about the titles or the money. He knows that their son wont last a day in prison. The father seem to have more heart than Cha. Cha promises to get their son out even if she has to sacrifice herself. Looks like she has made her decision. Ms Cha then does a press conference and apologizes to the public for damage control. She’ll do this for her own gain and betrayed her son.

The 2nd trial begins with defending the defendant’s actions, citing examples that he grew up alone and the staff were found by him stealing things. With lack of parental love and attention he grew up to become a obsessive and aggressive behavior. They also brought up his results to the screens. They also gave out reasons that the lack of care from the parents resulted him to act that way and mentions for the court to be more generous. Since the prison is made from the tax payer’s money shouldnt Lee compensate to those who are hard working? They made a point and Yohan agreed. Yohan agreed with the statement and came up with appropriate punishment for Lee.

The punishment wouldnt cost any and the defendant will not be isolated from the society, itll only inflict temporary pain. Flagellation. Ga On once again is shocked by the result. Yohan also adds that the society should give the flagellation to him on his parents’ behave. A man once said, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

They show different victims like his own company staff, the restaurant staff, the poor man who he hit and the the rest of the public agreeing with the sentence.

Lee suddenly goes whack and makes crazy comments about the court system. He even knelt down infront of Judge Yohan and apologized. Yohan ofcourse being strict with the sentence announced that he will receive 30 floggings. He also adds that the floggings appears to be the minimum and most humanitarian sentence that he will give. The flogging should be done with transparency and will be watched by the entire nation. The embarrassment.

Ms Cha was also seen signing the sentence agreement with difficulty.

Fire Investigation

Soohyun and Ga On visits a restaurant and talks to Detective Park discussing about the fire incident that happened 10 yrs ago. Park has mentioned that his father goes there for service and Soohyun commented that there wasn’t any service that day due to the charity event that took place. She also added that that there were no records on who attended the charity event. Ga On butts in and asks that the cause of the fire is still unknown. Park mentions that the church was located in a old school building made of wood, nothing was left after it was burnt down. Soohyun asked if he got a statement from Yohan, if he saw anything. The man says that he only visited Yohan once but didnt remember much from the incident which was understandable, saying during the time he was surrounded by chaos.

Once the live court was over, Ga On makes a comment that Yohan cancelled the deed of convent that his own brother wrote. Wouldnt that be a motive for a crime?

Yohan’s cruel past still haunts him

Yohan and Ga On are back at the mansion. Ga On argues with Yohan and says that he’s only doing this for fun. Adding that he only does this to anyone who gets into his way especially his brother. This made Yohan pay more attention. Yohan’s anger becomes explosive after Ga On made a comment on how cruel he is. Ga On apologized after hearing the story from Yohan. Yohan realizes how people love tragic stories.

Verena Church

Isaac gave out his donation, the people that were involved are the same people who are are part of the live court. The President, Minister Of Justice, etc. Smoke was coming through the door and a fire exploded which burnt down the entire church. Yohan was nowhere to be seen. Elijah calling out for her mother. Who caused the fire? Yohan suddenly saw the church burning and went in and see Isaac, Elijah and Minister Of Justice in scrambles. Isaac is suffering from the smoke while Cha was trying to escape not bothered to save Elijah at all. Isaac saw all of this happening and saved Elijah. Is this the reason why he resents Ms Cha? Yohan tries to save both Isaac and Elijah but they got hit by a wood with fire. Elijah got paralyzed. Isaac didnt survive and before his final breath he told Yohan to get out. Yohan didnt want to but he promises to come back. The fire died down, Yohan survived and saw the same firefighter stealing Isaac’s watch. the firefighter didnt even bother saving Yohan and Elijah or at least helping out to remove Isaac’s dead body. Yohan got out of the church and noticed all of the others who survived especially Minister Of Justice. The cruelty of those people, only saving themselves made Yohan burst into anger.

He’s definitely out to get those influential people who survived the fire especially Minister Of Justice.

#2021 #The Devil Judge

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thelittlehansy · 4 years

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A chronology of all my different opinions of Prince Hans. ( 2013-2020)

Long version of a old post i already make. my different opinion about Mr.of the southern isles not sure how much thats actually interesting XD but it is truly CRAZY how many opinion i got about that character so i m gonna tried to give the most faithful inside look i have about Hans trought the years.😁

1-Neutrality ( 2013)

I was at first kind of neutral toward Hans. Like i was adoring already the love is an open door and the dynamic between Hans and Anna jinx jinx again it was my fav part 😂 but at the end i was more pleasantly suprise by the twist its was suprising and to me THE thing of the movie. the part exciting to watch again and know people reaction of it.. Like its was the beginning of the twist trend i was more pleasantly surprise that betrayed. I was finding Anna and kristoff really cute together and i remembered the comments "she kiss the others guy at the end its ruined the lesson of the movie" annoyed me a LOT 😂like i find that funny because now i understand more the critiscm of the end. Something that never change was my opinion of the punch at the end......*rolled my eyes* I never though it was something funny even if hans deserve it.

2- Hans is a loathsome character. ( around 2014-2017)

Frozen began to be one those movies with tangled and the princess and the frog that i watch several times because of how entertaining they were. So i begin To really associated Hans to a very messed up character cruel cold sadistic i was having that strong image of him during the betrayal scene. The emotionally abusive Hans to a poor princess . Really the worst part of what he did is how personal and mean he was To Anna. How he treat anna with so much cruelty.

I remember also didnt finding Hans handsome at all and didnt even understanding all the appeal around his design. ( now i have completly change my mind XD ) i think thats hans actions makes him even more ugly to me at that period. That period last a long time because that opinion was at a period i was not at all interest that much of frozen and that period last a long time. So yeah didnt was hating him but highly disliking him.

3- Hans : the disney villain ! ( around 2017)

That we entered in a dark period when i began interest in one thing : writing disney crossover fanfiction. When i treat Hans as every disney classical villain. 😂Every trait à disney villain got hans was having it in my head. I want to cringe at myself at that period because when i was trying to wrote crossover fanfic Hans was someone indicredibly violent who loved blood. i was making him do stupid thing for the sake of doing stupid thing. He really was hate by everyone. He wanted to rules the world i was enjoying makes other character put him down like his brothers or other disney princess and prince😅. Like in my head Hans was a disney villain so there was no way he was being friend with prince and princess But really he was always doing dumb thing and all the princes were hating on him because this is "Hans" you know😂. I took Hans as excuse to have some baddies in the fanfic i was imagining so what about the plot that hans team up with jafar in order To rules over the southern isles 😂 seriously remind myself of these hans period makes me want to hit my head against a wall. Because its obvious now that i was just not interest in the character , i put 0 thinking in his character and was making him do dumb very very dumb things for the sake of making shine the heroes of my fanfic.

Now i beleive this is something we are a lot to do i can name once upon a time who makes hans do stupid thing in order for Anna and kristoff to shine and maleficent who put down every single character of sleeping beauty to makes shine Maleficent sorry Beneficent.

I think at that period i have also learn some stuff about a frozen heart like lars the name of a brothers that is Nice to Hans and was making hans being an asshole to him and lars hating him After arendelle 😄

4- The best villain EVER OK !!!!! (2017-2018)

I think at the level I was reading more frozen fanfic because i got extremely interest in him at the difference of before who really i didnt paid attention to his character at all he was only a very very random disney villain. finally but most importantly i Feel in love with the idea of an evil prince. So thats when become my period Hans is the most evil disney villain he is amazing the twist is AWESOME OK !!!!!! Dont critized it ok !!! Thats perfect its makes totally sense 😂

The smile under the boat ? Thats a smirk what are you talking about.😄

Sociopath ? He is one. Look i know nothing about anti social personality disorder i put 0 observation in Hans actual personality BUT he was abused by his brothers. See thats not how sociopath are made ? Doesnt people who are abused turn into monster ??? ( god what an awful reasoning i hate now people who say he was abused so thats make sense he is evil) see jennifer lee said he is one ! *disappoint face while reading several people making good arguement as why he is not*

The hints ? I rewatch frozen especially for Hans and notice his face and all the hints were blowing my mind. But most importantly the one at that ice castle and his look at the chandelier to killed elsa. I swear i have read a comment saying the creators confirmed it was not part of the script and an error because i rememeber be very very upset and wanting this hint to be true 😅

Also my worst enemy at that period : the troll theory because it was logical....And the redemption fans wanted.😅 i was like

He is EVIL let him stay EVIL !!!!!!

Now i think i did like Anna 🙄😂 she feel in love with idea of love instead of Hans and me i Feel in love with the idea of an evil prince that took Hans for the character he is..😄

5 : Hans : Anna'ex fiance ( 2018)

The thing with disney princess villain is that most of the times the princess and the prince relationship are at the heart of the movie. So when frozen come out its was cool because elsa and Anna sisters relationship was at the heart of the movie. But in the end we saw more Anna with kristoff that with Elsa so i kind of associated personally frozen with anna and kristoff relationship. So that period where i start to stop having this very rigid point of view and allowed myself getting interest into something i was defitntly not with the other disney princess movies. The relationship between the princess and the villain who here was her ex fiance. So hans Begin in my mind much more Anna ex fiance that a classical disney villains and thats around here i start to truly ship them because i was really exploring Hans relationship with anna and the funny comical post canon relationship between them they could have. like them keep getting inviting at Ball arguing making their own propaganda on their side making love is an open door reference so i discovered there that Hans to me could have a pretty funny amazing dynamic with Anna that i never thought in the past. But it was more at that period start to find Hans and anna relationship interesting that shipping them.

6- team Jacob team peeta sorry team Hans or team kristoff. ( 2018)

My triangle love drama period basically. I began to considerably ship way more hansanna. Of course in post canon redemption story or AU and i think i have at that period read literraly all the hansanna fanfic ever. anna in poly relationship was my otp 😂 began a level where i start to extremely not ship kristanna not ship hansanna but ship them at the same time. 😂

and really shipping kristanna and hansanna alone had not the same charm as shipping them together.

So i began to see Hans more from a shipping point of view that for his own character. even when i watched frozen the very first times i was liking Anna subplot romantic arc with kristoff and Hans. And it was bringing me good old feeling of my teen and pre Teen years when i was addict to the hunger games and twilight and basically love triangle😂. Something there isnt technically in frozen but there are still Anna and two suitors with Hans and kristoff.

7- the grey characters with an interesting family. ( 2018)

Reading more fanfic i start to view him more as a grey characters and start to be interest in hans family. Yeah before i was all the time imagining hans alone didnt really take into consideration the little very little tiny detail that hans is a prince has a kingdom and a pretty big family. I had two strong headcanon about his family his brothers were jerks but just jerks and most of them were nice oh and their dad was dead i was loving the idea of hans older brother be the king. The king and the queen were character that i overlook that i was not interest but i was way more interest in hans brothers. So i continue my view on grey Hans and that relationship with anna i was so interest while being more and more interest in Hans family. So my world of headcanon crush when i discovered more stuff about that book a frozen heart publish by disney. And well in that book most of Hans brothers were really more than jerks but really horrible so first headcanon destroyed but i tried to keep the name Caleb but imagine the character with the personality i like. The king was alive....ok second headcanon destroyed 😅 ok gonna deal with that and like the idea of the king being nice. ( didnt knew how mess up he actually was)

8- the king of the southern isles : view Hans from the point of view of his relationship with his father.( 2019-2020)

The step : i finally command a frozen heart i spoiled myself while reading tv tropes😂😂 ( around that time i created myself a tumblr account) and read that book : basically i got incredibly more interest in : Hans psychology , the king of the southern isles hans relationship with his dad.something that i never through about in the past. But reading tv tropes makes me a LOT interest in the king of the southern isles and Hans relationship with him. really ironic taking my old headcanon into consideration really that book how it developp hans psychology really makes me view him A LOT different. We learn Hans hates violence is a pacifist never do evil thing in his life safe for what he did during those 3 years for his dad but he hates every bit of it. So i really started to view Hans dependant under the influence of his father and thinking that what is evil with Hans is more that toxic relationship with his father than Hans himself. Every bad thing he did this is because of his father corrosive influence. Thats also a period when i start to really saw him from a psychologist point of view his daddy issues his trauma. So yeah A Frozen Heart make me really see Hans in a whole new light

9- Hans the victim and the not so great villain (2020)

So now i think we move to my recent opinion well i m sorry but i cant ignore stuff publish my disney not a matter of liking a frozen heart or not To me stuff publish by disney are canon until Proven not and also i read that a group was form when frozen began something huge to keep everything same in the franchise. So after reading and analyzing a frozen heart thinking...thinking way too much about it i start to think even more about Hans😂. And here we got a character with a very big Ndad hans being his scapegoat who was all his life emotionally, verbally , physically , mentally abused since he is little victim of narcissist abuse. All the times reject , humiliated, bully and thats very hard to ignore all of That because from jeenifer lee word of Hans childhood to that recent comic disney publish with little Hans. They really go for : hans has a very messed up life. I m sorry but at this point thats canon. And the problem i have is that all of That that is defintly not a tragic backstory the character is still very much being currently mistress , abused and neglect by his family. He is still living that life as a kid as a teen as a young adult as an adult And nope whatever how much we like elsa and anna and it was wrong what hans do. He do not deserve to be punished by his abusers. And his abusers do not deserve to punish him. So when you have disney giving all that information about him showing him being a interesting character complex that has never do anything evil on his own wish except in frozen. But most importantly giving him such an Horrible life something that was never do for the others disney villain this is really hard to consider Hans a true disney villain. And yeah he is the villain of Anna and elsa story but very much the victim from the point of view of his family. So thats all of this that makes hans a character that truly break my heart for what he has endure and is still enduring in his life. So my current vision of Hans is victim Hans of course i repeat not toward elsa and Anna you know the kind of stuff some people would twist about what i say but a victim because Hans got very very bigger villain in his life on the contrary of the others disney villains. What is even more sad is that the two people that cares for him lars and his mom dont even stand up for him in public. So thats really complicated....even ship i slighty change my mind i ship even more hansanna , i ship kristanna and Anna in a poly relationship is still my otp🤣🤣 but...getting a tumblr account last summer and reading the whole blog fnafiction.net and archive of our own had be associated kristanna with not very good thing but i still like the ship. What change a lot is my view on him as villain now i agree that the twist sucks 😅it wasnt done very well and the hints...after reading some stuff now i belive most of them are creation of the fans. So thats a whole different point of view. 😂😂and nah hans has a lot of people above him in the hierarchy , he was not the big obstacle of the movie and i found out that Hans lying to anna was not even a thing at all during love is an open door while paying attention at several stuff on the franchise ( i make several post about it on my blog) the hints when hans look at the chandelier dont even exist in the scenario i chekced it. Hans was a bad guy to ony the main characters elsa and anna at the difference of the others disney villains. So all of those stuff compare to disney villains make hans to me A weak villain and more fitting in the disney princes line up as he is too me interesting and complex but not at the level of evil queen tremaine frollo scar shang yu jafar ursula maleficent dr facilier.

So yeah thats makes a 180 degree change just like him in the movie 😄 i dont know maybe my mind is gonna change again ?

it really never happen to me with any other disney character before To change so much my mind.

#my opinion through the years

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jupiterm00n · 7 years

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Fucking I don't give a shit

I guess I'm in my relationship again. I don't know how it happened. For weeks it's just been me waiting for him to decide, and me having to deal with close nights that are fun and easy and like they used to be, with not wanting to it with talking about where we stand. But also nights of talking about it and having him say there's no way it'll ever work, because we can't change, even if we took a break. Then there are the night last when he agreed for a break, or he would consider trying again; and those were filled either with ok times, or it would be just like it used to be. I'd have a panic attack at the wrong time, or I would be emotional and scared and call him freaking out and he would feel like he had to help because I don't have many other people. Or he would be frustrated at me for not making a decision, or he would get frustrated because he would be busy and he would have to come be with my scared panicky needy self. And we agreed to try it, and I don't know how I feel about it. Not good now. It's started bad I told him what I wanted for a relationship, and he asked a bunch of questions for why I wanted certain rules, I was upset already when he asked and I was so anxious and didn't know how to say anything that wasn't self deprecating. I phrased everything poorly and occasionally he freaked out. He keeps saying he can't be with me if I don't respect myself at all. And I'm trying, and I do respect myself in an odd way. And I can't describe how I feel about it without getting backlash for how I actually feel. I do respect myself, I think i deserve the same as everyone else in certain respects. In the general sense, I respect myself. But it's when it gets into specific instances, in specific shades of myself I turn different. My outlook gets dark, and I believe that I'm the worst on the planet. That I'm a pitiful mistake of a human, and that I only mess up everyone's lives despite how much I love all the people I spend time with. Then my respect shifts. Sure I still believe I deserve respect in some way, but it's severely demolished and warped by my perception and rumination. In those cases I feel horrible and like I'm undeserving completely. I don't deserve happiness or love or even things like my body or food. It all gets warped, and can be caused by my impulsive panicked behaviors, or even by something as simple as eating something or weighing myself. I punish every behavior I make, I over apologize, I feel guilty, I overthink and try and backtrack every behavior; which generally leads to more self destruction, confusion from those around me, someone getting super angry at me, or even me lashing out at them in anger because I know their anger towards me will be much worse. I push people away and tease them to come closer, only to completely switch and hurt them or push them away farther. Then I go back, begging for them to forgive me for the confusion I caused. I go back completely broken and lucid, realizing that everything I had done had stemmed from a delusional thought that since everything was fine for a moment, that must mean that I'm fucking up or in some manipulative play where the other person will take off their mask. Only to reveal that they've always hated me and that they only stuck around because they didn't want to have to live with the thought that they were one of the only "friends" of a lifeless girl in a bodybag. I always go back, begging for forgiveness. Promising that I won't be as panicked I won't be as scared or irrational I won't say harsh things I won't rip out my hair and scratch my body until I bleed or give myself black bruises I won't cut my body open I won't burn my wrist I won't hit my head on corners until I bleed to make it stop I won't beg you to take me to the hospital I won't throw up I won't tell you over and over how I'm not hungry and that I don't want to or shouldn't eat, until you break and force me to eat something I won't scream I won't shake and shut down I won't call over and over begging for you to sit with me, scared that I can't be alone, apologizing over and over I won't scavenge for alcohol I'll stop splitting I won't try and kill myself I won't tell you I've tried to end it after the fact and brush it off like you wouldn't care anyway I won't put myself in bad situations I won't hurt you I don't know what to do I've done all of these recently, it's like I just get too scared and sad that all the guilt and shame of existing in my body and with my personality becomes too much. It takes over, and I'm back to the old manipulative behaviors. Not understanding my sadness or fear and not being able to hide it has caused issues. I used to lock it all down, but doing that for 17 years doesnt turn out well. And now when I can't control it it's explosive. I panic and cry at the thought of eating something, and I feel the same if I haven't eaten for a day or whatever and no one brings up food. It's like I get scared if they offer food, but if they don't or say nothing about eating, then I get scared and I rationalize it by thinking: "they're not bringing up food or offering it because you look healthy, you look good, you look fat enough already. They've seen you eat, most of them have seen you binge. They know you're a disgusting animal who doesn't care and will shovel any food into her giant mouth. They don't want to bring it up because they know you'll eat it all, and hey think you're fat already." And I can't stop these behaviors and thoughts I want to, I want to be good, but I was in an unhealthy relationship. I'm trying to get out of the unhealthy, abusive part, but a lot of the unhealthy parts and abusive parts are my fault. Either I unintentionally manipulate with things like food, or not being able to decide something out of fear of making the wrong decision, or I'm just too emotional or too much and it makes the other person fed up and react to my fear with anger or hatred. It all spirals I hate it I'm in a relationship again and the last 3 times I've seen him, we've fought horribly. I feel sick and I told him a summary of what's happened to me recently He said he felt sick and betrayed, we were broken up, but I fucked up. I don't know how to defend any action. Not at all. Because I hurt someone I love. He hurt me too, of course, but I seriously harmed things. I know I did. The things that happened though, I actually don't regret. At all. I finally felt kind of ok being in a situation like that. A situation that's happened lots this semester in other situations, by this was different. I felt ok, better than ok, I didn't feel shitty and I felt super guilty, but not for the interaction itself, just all the backstories behind it. It was the first time I felt ok and actually kind of safe? It's hard to describe But it's horrible that the one good interaction that I had that I briefly mentioned is causing all this pain in everyone. I feel so much guilt and sadness now, but I also still don't feel terrible Maybe that's cruel, but I don't know what to feel. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to keep beating myself up. The circumstances were all allowed and all ok, given the fact that I was not in a relationship, But I still fucked up And I don't know how to feel It's two extremes. I feel two extremes. How typical I guess I'm used to this, I just wish I wasn't

#personal #journal

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what-is-left-is-lust · 5 years

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I am very ugly

Soul and outter appearance and all. Whenever anyone would compliment me I would initially feel happy that its worth mentioning to me. Queue 3 minutes later and I feel disgusting. Like " no stop saying that , thats just cruel. Thats a cruel cruel joke." I had always assumed they were lying. Maybe they sensed I was sad and in their lame attempt to get me to feel better about myself brings them self gratification. I remember a lot of the times where someone has commented on how I look or my weight. Always struggled with my identity and image. Hearing it from other people didnt make anything easier. ' hey you lost weight you look so much better'. One of the dress fittings for my sisters wedding - the tailor told me I was pretty but id be prettier if I was thinner. He said I would never get married with how i looked. He said there was still time for me to change. He said what a shame. He said dont let it be a loss. He said things Id never forget. My sister said not to listen to him afterwards. That he said that to other people before. That hes outdated and he attempted to make it seem sincere or that he cared. My friends , to the best of my knowledge have never outwardly called me fat. But I definitely did feel like the ugly fat friend. Just brought around to enhance their self esteem. I felt pretty at times but only when I rarely ate. Those were the times where guys looked at me or when girls wanted to be my friend. Whenever I wore makeup when going out with my friends. Old flames or people I grew up with try and talk to me. They talk to me like they were introducing themselves for the first time. " Ive known you for 6 years.." " Im sorry i didnt recognize you. You look healthier!!" I was not. I was never healthy. Not at my biggest. Nor at my lowest. My current best and only friend has said things...jabs at my weight. He probably doesnt even know. While we went out to eat at a cafe and I ordered 2 appetizers and a meal he commented to the waiter about it. ' Sorry we're just really hungry we will probably take everything back with us home.' But he didnt order yet. I ate my meals too. Finishing it felt taboo like I wasnt supposed to. He mentioned 2 weeks ago that I was a catfish. That i take pictures from angles that make me look better. I know he avoided the word ' thinner' I knownit too. Maybe thats how i started my self online. Ive lied about my weight online before. Since I was younger I always tried acting like how I thought I was supposed to be. Since I was 10-11 years old i would say things for shock value. Never letting anyone come near the true me. Id say absurd things to even hurt other people. It never made me feel better. That was never the reason. I wanted to hurt myself. I was a coward. I wanted to hurt people with my words so that in return they would hurt me. And that is what I felt like I deserved. So when they leave..it is justified. Id repeat this process my entire life. Ive exiled amazing people. All due to my insecurities. Lying about my true feelings. Hiding behind a persona. I will never be 1/4th happy this way. I really wanted my best friend to be the first person to accept me at this..weight. I realized when my first 3 yr relationship ex saw me for the first time. He didnt care what I looked like. Thats why it was so hard to let him go. I felt he truly doesnt care about my weight or how I looked. I felt pretty and he didnt even have to say it. I felt beautiful again around my best friend almost every single time. Until..he would make slight comments like that. " He left you because you advertised yourself as someone better than you actually were IRL." He has said those words to me time and time again. I dont even know why anymore but it did hurt every single time. My ex bf the one who sparked ( if i could even call it that ) a change in me which resulted in some soul searching and ended up doing it for me- called me gorgeous one night when I was drunk. I felt beautiful then too. Only to have it shattered 2 months later by my best friend ( hes not awful i owe a lot to my best friend but in this aspect it really did mess me up) saying those words to me. I had my best friend carry me once for like 5 seconds. Id never let anyone do that to me. Never. But I let him. I trusted him. He knew what it meant to me and that made me happy. Zoom past 3 -4 months later he opened up to me that ever since then he was working out every day to get bigger and stronger. He said hes never done that for a girl before but he did it for me. My best friend wanted to get stronger...in order to be able to hold me. The gesture meant a lot to me but it also put in perspective..all of the females in his life are petite and somewhat thin and a few curvy ones. But I was the first. the biggest. I hadnt realize how my depression made me get to this point. I weighed myself. And i saw. I was gaining weight again. A lot more. Although he stopped i refuse to let my weight have this hold over me. Its not even just about that. I hate my shape. My ex hates it too thats another reason why he would never consider me a friend. My best friend even said im not his type and im not his ideal girl which is petite in that regard among other things. My best friend still loves me despite this. It still hurts to know how he truly feels. I wanted to wait till i saw him again ( been planning since December) that he was the only one in my life right then that wanted to talk to me and not have it related to my looks. Until he said all of that ^ until i realized he was initially obsessed with my ' thick thighs.' I know theres more to this. I know I know. These thoughts iscolate themselves from the bigger picture. I just never want to fool myself for a second that there will be someone who sees me like "this" and truly wants to help me get better. Or love me the way I am. I wanted it to be my ex at the time so bad. Little did I know it was the complete opposite. I know my bestfriend DOES love me how I am but i cannot help to silence the demons in my head that tell me otherwise. That he wishes I was different. I feel like he liked my shock factor personality. That he liked how ambitious or random i could be. I tried showing him another side of me..a truer side in which we could just chill and do nothing and we could be content. But he explained to me he hated it. " you always say you wanna do adventurous things with me but when it comes down to it you dont want to do anything." ...thats not true. I didnt realize he wanted it all the time. He always wanted things to be spontaneous and hot and heavy and extreme. I did not think there wouldnt be any room to breathe. To just chill with the person i held dear. I didnt know i was that person to him. I didnt know I would be replaced in that aspect. I didnt know i finished my service.. my plans to tell him how i felt in May have diminished because I dont feel that way anymore. He said after that incident he had fallen out of love for me due to me telling him to move on. I had been telling him for months. Why did he decide that then? Because i didnt want to do those things? I wanted a firm line between what is ok and what wasnt. Theres so many things I would do with him had I felt more comfortable in my own skin..I want to be able to do them one day but for some reason it doesnt feel right with him. A lot of other things do..of course. I love him dearly. Maybe even more than he does to me. Theres so much he doesnt understand and doesnt want to hear. Theres so much ive been going hot and cold on for so long i still havent decided my feelings on a lot of things. I dont want to lose my best friend but i do not want to be belitted in the process i dont want to lose myself. So right now ive decided to be numb. Go with the flow but be numb. Dont let things get to me. All these thoughts i have written on this blog will remain but I shall move on. I might tell him one day and maybe even my ex if he will ever care enough. I never meant to hurt you that way. I meant to hurt me. I didnt mean to lie to you to hurt you. It was meant to not hurt me. I wanted to be something greater than i was. I didnt mean to belittle you and i hope you can forgiv eme one day. Now i can finally stop hoping you would find me truly beautiful one day. Like the first time you saw me. My best friend and past lovers. I will become better. I will not let my past haunt me. To my family I will always love you no matter where I am. I love you even if I say I dont. I am stubborn sometimes. I will change. If not for me then I shall for all of you. Thank you. Please please, i will never leave you again. So do not leave me. Remember me..okay? Just remember me.

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ilygsd · 6 years

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201018

ffs im doing it againnnnn. i google and read shit that scares me but then i wont do anything abt it except for overthink and get anxious and fuck shit up and be an annoyance and then hate myself for doing this again but still go back and hope for him to forgive my emotional ass

im just so scared of fucking shit up again. i know i cant change the world, i need to change my attitude and know that i can get through shit even if people leave me. I CAN!! i am strong enough!!! i HAVE improved!!! i CAN! i have people who loved me and truly cares for me!!!!!! things are goong well with other people. people i dont really care about but they’re still evidente that i AM FUNCTIONING AND NOT COMPLETELY CRAZY

but those people were and are nt’s. even if im a paranoid emotional bitch who cant really feel it, i at least got some rationality that tells me that not everyone is after me.

its different with him.

i dont know if i actually care about him or if its my issues and insecrities or his manipulative charm that draws me to him but the feeling i get is so intense. and it scARES ME!!!! he could totally just take advantage over me?? i dont want to be paranoid, i want to BELIEVE HIM but my anxiety and all these other quotes and posts i read tells me i should get the hell away from people like him. and like....... i dont know if its just me overthinking or if its actually dangerous? im weak, i dont trust myself with him. im weak for him.

the fact that im more anxious because of him should be a sign right?? but on the other hand he makes me feel more alive. life is interesting with him but im also scared thats ”a part of it”. everyone says its a nice experience in the beginning. that they’re oh so charming to inpress you but then they’re going go change and its going to be to late.

and what does THAT MEAN? too late?? i dont think he would murder me or become physically violent, but his apathy will definitely hurt me either way. it STILL hurts me NOW and he’s not even doing anything ”mean”. like.... that’s who he is. he doesnt even have to manipulate me, the fact that he cant feel or give emotional love is hard enough for me to accept lmao.

and i mean he told me about his disorder? isnt that something? he seems pretty carefree. he answers most of my questions but he doesnt talk much about himself at all. he just seems bored. he told me he used to think people were annoying and slow (high IQ + narcissistic traits) but that he realised its not the world, but he who is different. and now the only thing he lives for is like his goals.

at first i thought he wanted to hurt and use me. instincitvely. he used to compare me to a deer, careful and beautoful (wow, such a charmer, so poetic) and in that case he’s a predrator. a social oredrator. he can take any shape he wants. its not me or his ”love” for me holding him in place, it’s only him. only him. him and the moral compass he set for himself. i dont think he wants to hurt me for fun, but he definitely would without doubt if i ever got in his way. perhaps not MORE than necessary, but as much as needed for him to get what he wants. but he’s patient. definitely. and i sont know why im worth waiting for. i dont know what i have to offer him.

we had sex yesterday. it was nice. but he’s one horny fuck and im emotional. he doesnt seem to care about the emotional stuff because the physical part is the only thing he can feel anywyas. all the love-shit yesterday (and any other day) is for me.... or for him... idk. i dont think its necessary for him but he does it because i want it and i guess that could be seen as nice?? at least he thinks so. he gets annoyed and anused when i question his sincerity. (says he might as well cheat and shit but like... yeah and u might as well be a mudder too whats your point??) but on the other hand he probably wants something more in te end. like my trust or something? it cant be sex. it wasnt THAT good and i he doesnt really care about the person he has sex with. he doesnt think of people, barely watch actual people but more lile hentai and the idea of sex. it could be control and power though. i know he wants me to test new things. one time i felt like he forced and treatebed me to drink coffee despite me not wanting to and i did. and i felt SHIT afterwards and i got SO paranoid and isolated myself for a week and he was a bitch about it and basically told me i overreacted and yeah maybe i was because i got SCARED of him and what he can do but i also could’ve handled it better and not let it scare me an understand i have a choice etc. but anyways, he’s stopped with that shit at least the threatening part like ”if you dont taste this coffe i made you im taking away the blanket”. and now he just liggtly pressures me. which i have to admit is okay? it made me try tea and i liked the tea. he also wants me to pierce myself and i actually would like that. he made me send him lewds (kind of) but i stopped because idk, i didnt like i. and idk i am happy i tried. im insecure and he makes me more adventurous. i just dont hope he will pressure me more or it would get worse. he’s like ”i would never force anyone to do anything” like yeah thanks thats.... nice to know.... he’s so weird. he makes offensive jokes that i bormlly would get extremely teiggered by but...... its different with him. i DO get annoyed but i also know there’s literally zero behind his jokes. i asked him if he likes the rection but he says he likes the power over the situation he has. he likes to tease me but he always makes sure i know its only joking and im not being serious. it seems like he likes the fact that he COULD leave me thinking he was serious but he choses to not. idk though, cus the fact that he always tells me when he does something ”not manipulative” is a bit..... suspicious lmao. he’s asked me to smoke weed though and im like super pure but honestly why not. he also made me drink and masturbate next to him. wow, he’s made me do a lot of stuff..... but idk, i lile the praise afterwards LMAO

so im just here trying go figure out what the fuck it is?? he doesnt talk much about himself or the people in his life. i asked about his friends and family but the only one he talks about is his ex girlfriend and best friend. at first i was so skeptical i was like ”omg why would she be with him, is she also a victim of his manipulation, or maybe she’s the same?” but idk. she seems ”normal”. he admitted she had similar issues to emotionally connect with people like him but that she’s not aspd. i also happen to know she’s a chinese adoptee as well and to compare with my own attatchment issues it wouldnt surprise me if she got the opposite of me.

anyways, at first glance you would think he loves her dearly. but when thinking about it he doesnt really express any love. just appreciation and thats what he said himself. for practical reasons. they help each other, he with her medical shit and she with his finances or something. and i want to believe in that. that he’s just looking for good deals with people. i get something out of him and he gets something from me. not anything emotional, but not necessarily him using people either. and he can be emotional, he is trying to be emotional for me. COGNITIVE EMPATHY THOUGH!!!

i dont know. i hope it is like this. i dont want to believe all the shit stories about narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. yes i am low key scared to death that he one day will snap, change comPLETELY cus that’s basically who he is. i just hope.......... he won’t lmao. and i hope he wont just use me when he’s got what he’s wanted. and i reALLY hope i wont settle for his fake love. i deserve some REAL ACTUAL LOVE. i dont mind living in a fairytale with him someimes but i DO NOT want to lose myself to him. i deserve love, i deserve someone who loves me like i love them. no matter how much or how good he imitates love he wont ever be able to. PLEASE DONT SETTLE FOR THAT.

ive KIND OF come to accept who he is and that was hard enough for me, but i did it because he makes me do things and he makes me feel like i want it. also im scared that im too obsessed. like i really dont find anything interesting except for him. thats NOT a good sign. i feel like i both gain and lose myself with him. being with him is like living in a bubble. but when i meet other people everything’s as normal. i just dont want to isolate myself.

i dont think he would turn my friends or family against me

he says he teases the people he feel comfortable with. i cant get that. he’s changed. i sometimes feel like im a little sister. he took me very seriously at first and was very respectful and kind. now when he’s mee comfortable he’s more of a dick abd more straight forward when he thinks im overthinking or negative or annoying. and i am. i am annoying with him. its so weird but the moment i see him my EMO JUMPS OUT. i can be fun with other people and talk about other things and watch stuff but when im with him i just want to talk about sad stuff and feelings abd myself lmaooo. and yeah he finds it annoying and i get that. but i guess its cus we’re both a bit comfortable?

however he doesnt tease his ex/bff he says. its so weird, he says she was in charge in their relationship and i just cant imagine that cus hes so dominant. he said he started to respect his body etc AFTER their relationship so idk but i still cant imagine it cus he’s still doesnt feel empathy so there was no reason for him to obey her?? im curious about their relationship. i wonder what it was like......

what scares me is that i always feel inferior to him. thats ny good in a relationship. at the same time its the way i imagine relationships. he protecs me and i’ll obey him. its not that im always inferior, i tell him to piss off and fuck you when im annoyed. bit thats only joke. when tt gets serious he is always right. kind of. he’s like a dad as well. idk

all these posts are about sociopaths literalky tappning on thet victims and being CRUEL. but he’s not cruel, he’s just aprhtic, ubemotional. of course he CAN BE CRUEL, everyone can, but he chose not to. at least not yet. UGH. i feel so good with him. it felt better after a week with bo contact but i still wanted him because i was afraid i would lose him if i wanted more. which makes no sense because if i dont want him then i wouldnt want him. but wat if satt with him. i read blir people being married to sociopaths for 20+ years and i dont eant to be robbed 20 years!!!

he values actions more than words. in many ways he’s more high-functioning than me, and im a normal neurotypical while he’s an antisocial. thats why i was drawn to him anywyas. i wanted his help to handle my feelings and stuff. but idk. when he apologizes he doesnt mean it, but he still stops. when i apologize i mean it, but i dont stop. he could help me stop and he wants me to stop. bit thats also the only thing he values and it males me feel unappreciated sometimes when i actually TRY MY HARDEST

all these posts also fuck me up because idk if they’ve just encountered a mean sociopath, a mean normal neurotypical or if its just a sociopath. like i feel like people only focus in the bad stuff and call anyone ubemotional and cold abd mean a sociopath. thats not what i want to hear. i want to learn about them objectively??? they cant feel i get that. its mostly just girls writing about their fuckboy ens. like he thought i thought of him as a fuckboy but i dont. hes not a fuckboy, i hate fuckboys even more than i hate him. fuckboys are like..... just MEAN. for no reason. lmao idk. i mean he’s mean because he cant FEEL, he has no conscience. fuckboys are mean and so feel guilt but they pretend they dont and thats just pathetic. this persson id mature. fuckboys arent. hes sometimes immature too i guess UGH and narcisstisk UGH but lile..... idk. i just wouldnt go for him if he was a fuckboy. i dont get attracted to fuckboys OR bad blys

#diary #jo

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wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog · 7 years

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Even Gigi Hadid gets body-shamed — Here's why it needs to stop

yahoo

It’s pretty universally accepted that body-shaming isn’t OK, but unfortunately, people still do it — and sometimes in a very public way.

Gigi Hadid is the latest celebrity to speak out after being body-shamed, addressing people who claim she’s gotten “too skinny.” In a series of tweets on Sunday, Hadid answered people who have been calling her out for her weight, citing her battle with Hashimoto’s disease.

For those of you so determined to come up w why my body has changed over the years, you may not know that when I started @ 17 I was not yet diagnosed w/Hashimoto’s disease; those of u who called me “too big for the industry” were seeing inflammation & water retention due to that.