#doesnt even matter but i just worry like that im putting too much of myself in the wron places and burdening ppl who dont need to b burdened

[radgeorgie]

had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[frecklystars]

i still feel absolutely fucking nothing for my f/os and im so depressed and i wanna die and my birthday is friday and i hate my birthday and i just. rahh. i wanna self ship again. thats it!! i just wanna self ship again thats literally all i want to do!! but instead ive been in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks bc i'm having so many panic attacks that make me feel like im going to die

i am so fucked up from all the bullshit i was put through these last 2 years that i cannot fucking function, i am so paranoid all the time that anyone who interacts with me is out to get me because they [redacted reasons i cannot publicly state]. it doesnt matter if ive known someone for 1 day or 10 years, i dont trust anyone online anymore. i dont trust anyone who's nice to me because so many times it was people with malicious intentions. i dont fucking trust any TF blogs, ive been blocking any TF blog who interacts with me On Sight from all the shit that ppl from that fandom put me through.

there's 600 new inbox messages now and i havent opened any of them. people are sending me dms every single day and i havent opened any of them. i hate that my distrust towards irl people has bled into self shipping and now i am just Too Depressed to self ship. it is my anniversary w/ a character who's supposed to be such a comfort to me today and i feel Nothing. driver used to be Everything to me. driver used to make me feel so comfortable and safe. i feel so numb when i look at my f/os, there is just nothing there. it is my birthday soon and i should be so proud of myself for fighting through all the bullshit my abuser has thrown at me but i feel Nothing. self shipping used to help me at least cope with the depression. i just want to have my comfort characters again. thats it. i wouldnt care how many people are trying to kill me or stalk me or attack me if i just had my f/os to help me cope thru all of it

i genuinely think i'd feel better if i tried to be online and make edits and draw more and interact with the sweet people in my inbox. i used to feel so so so much better when people would send me nice asks, F/O reassurance, fics, fanart, etc etc but at the same time i will see a nice ask and immediately believe "oh. this is a trap. this person is going to pretend to be nice to me, try to get closer, but it's a trap" based off of MULTIPLE traumatic events my abuser put me through the last 2 years. this is such an unhealthy mindset to have, to not trust anyone kind to me, and i wish i knew how to turn it off. ive never been paranoid like this, ever, until a series of events happened this entire last 2 years and i just. i cannot fucking trust anyone on this stupid website, my god, someone sends me "hi keri! how is your day?" and my brain is like "oh hey look out, that person is pretending to be nice to you but they're actually trying to harm you!!" i will look at a group of online friends i've had for OVER a DECADE and that paranoid voice in the back of my head who worries from experience "oh cool this person is after me now. this person is out to betray me. this person wants to hurt me. it doesnt matter if we've been best friends since childhood, this person absolutely is out to get me now"

i hate everything i was put through these last 2 years and especially these last few months, one day im gonna spill my guts and tell everyone what has been happening to me bc its so goddamn unfair what ive been put through day after day, and i am sick of letting all of it fester in me without being able to tell anyone whats going on. i dont even know if its still ongoing rn bc every time i think "oh, maybe it's over" it just fires back up again. the stalking, the harassing, dude dont even get me started on the fucking stalking, do you know how fucking Not Normal these people are who have been trying to physically harm me irl and online? do you know how fucking psychotic someone has to be to spend YEARS of their life trying to make me miserable when i dont even know these ppl, im just fucking sitting here? the stupidest goddamn shit possible. i have never met these ppl in my life but they're following the orders of someone else and just. being fucking insane. if you knew what someone was putting me through, what a large group of toxic disgusting people have been putting me through these last 2 years, you wouldn't even fathom how dangerous it's been and how shitty it's been. ive had to call the police on a few of these people. you have no fucking clue what i've been going through and how exhausting it is to feel so unsafe every single second that you're alive. this shit eats at me constantly. i don't get any peace of mind. i think one day this really will kill me but at least i won't have to deal with it anymore if i'm dead. and!! i hate that i have that mindset! i hate that every time i drive to work, i hope beyond hope that a car is going to obliterate me. that isnt normal!! i should not be hoping to die!! but genuinely i dont think im ever going to be safe ever again and im so tired of dealing with this fear every single second every single day for years. years!!!! every second!!! every single second im awake i am fucking stressed out of my goddamn mind!!!!

months ago, i queued so much driver stuff for today, and i almost want to delete all of it bc its so. useless. dude i feel Nothing for my f/os. i feel unsafe with my f/os because i feel so unsafe with 99% of the people i interact with online because of all the horrible things ive been put through all this time. it's all pointless. i dont know if im ever really going to come back to blogging regularly. i just wake up, i go to work, i have panic attacks and i throw up, and then i go to sleep. sometimes i come here to vent and then refill my queue, but what is the point of refilling my queue anymore tbh. i keep trying to go through the motions to see if i can reclaim self shipping one day and then i can just bounce back, but god its been several months and ijust cant do it. i cant wait for this to kill me, ic ant wait for this to finally make me snap bc im so so sick of going through this every day. im tired

whatever ill delete this later and it wont even matter lol what else is new. keri makes another vent post about feeling depressed and unsafe. fork found in kitchen or whatever

[basement-buddy]

did you ever run into art block when you first started posting art online? if so, do you have any advice for getting out of it? i recently decided to push through my anxiety and make an art account but found myself unable to draw anything because of how harsh of a critic i turned into thinking its not worth to post even trying to change my style bc my current one doesnt seem nice enough ( ;´ - `;) so im not able to motivate to draw at all these days ;;

I hit art block all of the time and I know this might not work for everyone, but honestly the only way I get through it is just by drawing whatever, even if it doesn’t meet my standards. Take this time to try some new things, learn some new stuff, draw whatever you want without pressure. Don’t worry about posting anything for a bit and just go head first into a bunch of new stuff. And don’t worry about it looking perfect or anything, or trying to meet your own standards or appease the critic inside you. I know that’s harder said than done, but if nothing is going to turn out how you want it right now, anyway, then why not just try something new?

This helps with your style dilemma, too, every few months I get upset about my artstyle, so I just do some studies or follow some anatomy tutorials, some nature drawing videos, get used to seeing something else on the paper in front of you, you know? If you go a while without seeing your style, when you finally get back to it, you can see less of the flaws. Or better yet, you’ve learned some new things that could help fix the things you don’t like about it.

Sometimes it also helps to look at my old art. The younger me would’ve done anything to draw how I am drawing now, and I’m sure it applies to you as well. You’re always improving no matter how much you’re not vibing with your work.

Most importantly, don’t put too much pressure on yourself! Creating something at all is wonderful. No matter how it turns out, you’ve done something most others just mourn not ever trying. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve created an art account, and I’m super happy that you want to share your art with the world, but don’t beat yourself up too hard. Don’t draw something with the intention to post, draw it for you! Back when I first started, I was nervous enough that I wouldn’t post things for upwards of half a year. I would sit on drawings because I was too shy to show them. If it helps, don’t post at all unless you absolutely want to. When you sit down to draw, don’t imagine the reactions, or other artists with other styles, imagine just what you want out of that particular drawing. I had to learn the hard way that posting should ALWAYS be an afterthought.

Sorry if this was rambly, I’m very very experienced with artblock and there’s just so many ways I’ve personally learned to deal with it that it’s hard to organize my thoughts properly. A lot of these are easier said than done, so just take it one step at a time, and remember that you’re doing awesome, that YOU’RE awesome, and no matter how you feel about it, your art is awesome, too! Take it at your own pace and be easy on yourself. ♥️

[plutoons]

Can you do a tutorial on how your art process is done I’m about to quit on Art everything I make fucking sucks .

hey anon !! My art process is almost non existent cause i haven’t been able to stick to One definitive way and i don’t want to cause i think its limiting. I still have a long way to go for improving my skills and learning new things and figuring out different styles !!

Heres a quickk drawing showing what my “main” process is

This is something i generally have stuck to for most of my posted drawings (i can post things specific to some drawings on a separate reblog ^^ im just to lazy to get pictures of em for examples rn)

Doodle !! I cant visualize shit, and usually have a very vague idea of what id like to draw Or just nothing at all. So I doodle messily with expressive gestures till’ i find something that sticks

choose one final concept/sketch and clean it up a lil so i have a way better idea of what im getting myself into

Base colors cause i hate doing lineart. So i just go straight into colors casue its fun and i like fun!! Right on top or on a diff layer it doesnt matter. I color pick with my eyes and put base colors or anything i think it would be cool. No pressure and it can messy cause I’ll clean it up and figure shit out later

fuck around and find out (rendering ig)—> i cant explain it super well or definitively. I just layer and throw colors on top till im satisfied or Done with it. I flip my canvas a bunch or check my values to make sure the results come out to look more coherent regardless of the mess of color

Im just a simple person and cant handle something that requires too many steps or things that havta be done Just right so this works for me atm. This may not be your jam but finding a process in that works for you through trial an error is just a part of art. Do what works for you!! I think experimenting is so important even if it sucks in the end

(more Words / “advice ?” under cut)

I have so many shitty drawings and sketches and even colored things that outweigh the tiny bits of art i decide to show off

I totally get that creating art can get really discouraging at times; not getting the results you want when you want them no matter how much effort you put in just sucks, but it won’t always be that way :] even if it takes you 10 years to find your groove and see improvement or 2 years, it’ll happen. I find that i’ve only improved when i actively didn’t give a fuck about how my art looks and only cared that i was having fun through it all, and thats hard cause perfectionism is a bitch and its hard to get rid of. You could improve with studies and daily practice for sure but moving towards improvement can be as fun and light n breezy as you want to make it, like taking a break to explore different hobbies or changing up mediums or fucking around and experimenting with it can help !!! Allow ur art to be bad; cause fuck it, at least you made something and thats really really cool. Once you cut urself some slack it’ll be easier to improve upon your skillset and slowly but surely get to where you want

Sorry im a bit tired idk if this is coherent so heres a more direct thing i’d like to say:

Maybe ur art isn’t where you want it to be rn and ik it can kill ur motivation to keep going at it (i’ve experienced this feeling a lot and im sure so have many others). But you gotta ease up on urself and stop worrying about results so you can allow yourself to experiment and have fun!! And its hard getting into that mindset but you gotta keep trying and you’ll find it getting easier

[dexterlittle]

Comics?

Hi Ghoap people! And shippers from the COD universe! I see comics are popular (Im also a sucker for those so dont worry!)

And I was wondering: What are the bare minimums for you to enjoy a comic? You see, I never really worked on a comic. I tried years ago for a project of some sort in my local area but never got anywhere. I always struggled with my art, perfection, proportion etc I put a lot of pressure on myself and projects a lot and either i dont do much effort or I do WAY too much and it burns me out. I get overwhelmed and it’s not fun. I am always feeling some imaginary pressure from others as I often got judged in the past and got my things examined closely and it started to get me paranoid and make me feel not good enough. Thats why I never published art before I joined Ghoap in over ten years or so. Im also terrified of art thieves and even more of all that AI shit going around. I want to be credited and known for my art, not be forgotten while my art keeps being reposted you know? SO if I were to make a comic (at least try) and tell a story, what are the bare minimums requirements? I see some comics have amazing art and I know I can’t deliver that. But I do see diversity of style from the 1Farm1 AU from Grimmzee to the Monster 141 AU from Bluegiragi to the CoffeeShop AU from Blueishfishfood and many more I’ve seen here and there. Some have backgrounds, some dont and some have simple elements. Some have amazing details and shading, some have basic shadings etc But what they all have in common is: getting proportions quite good if not excellent. And amazing angles instead of the basic standing/sitting. And all those nice facial expression that makes it nice to read what the character might feel. Especially the eyes for characters such as Ghost or Roach. Aaaand I know colors don’t matter. So at least there’s that. So what are the minimum requirements? I don’t expect doing amazing fight scenes like the Monster AU, I am clearly not that talented ahah but I know that it’s more interesting to have… something more than standing characters all the time. So please in the comments, let me know? Show me exemples? Doesnt have to be COD related but just comics from people around the internet who do it for fun and not professionals working for DC Comics for example ahah I just want to tell stories so badly but I know that writing is… a lot for me. Too much even. I’ll keep trying… but it’s complicated for now. And I know that comics are a great way to see your art get better with time! Lots of mangaka got better the more time passed so.. Why not me? Oh also another comic I’ve been following for years is A Tales of Two Rulers by Figmentforms And THAT is something I can never achieve. The attention to details and the shading and… UGH <3 But it still makes me want to tell a story. So please, comment and let me know! <3 Thank you! -Dexterlittle

[sutherkins]

living on the same floor as peter and always brushing past him in the hallway…one day ur doing laundry and only ur sexy lingerie that you literally never get to wear is clean and you walk past him and hes holding his own clean laundry walking back to his apartment. when ur cleaning ur like oh damn i need to wash the clothes im wearing and ur like well fuck ill have to be half naked if i wash them rn but u dont want to make another trip so you lock the door to the room and strip until ur just in the lingerie and ur playing games on ur phone while ur laundry is going but at some point theres a knock on the door and you jump and your phone falls on the ground. you realize when you go to pick it up that you’re literally in your underwear and have nothing to cover yourself with. you rush to the door making sure it stays locked and ask who it is. “uh, peter from four two three”. ur like “oh christ” because its the hot guy who lives a couple doors down from you that you always walk past in the hall and your forehead leans forward to hit the door because of course out of everyone it could be outside the door it just had to be him. peters like “are you okay?” and ur like “well to be completely honest im only in my underwear and my laundry still isnt done and i literally have nothing to cover myself with”. peter laughs and ur like “its not funny you jackass!” but peter tells you he isnt laughing at you. hes laughing because he was just doing laundry and he thinks he left something in the dryer. you’re a little 🤔 cause why does that matter? you even ask him so. he tells you “well, i was coming to get it but seeing as how you clearly need it more you can borrow it until your laundry is done”. u ask him what it is and its just a pair of sweats but ur like its better than nothing so u ask him if hes sure its okay for you to borrow them and hes like of course its okay im the one who offered. so u put em on and they feel so warm from just being in the dryer and ur like “these are awesome!” because “are mens sweatpants made differently? these are so much more comfortable than mine.” peter starts to laugh and immediately stops when you abruptly unlock and open the door and he almost falls on you but catches himself on the doorway and for a moment he was basically face to face with ur chest in the sexiest bra u own and whipped his body back up so fast because oh my god its the pretty girl from down the hall and you’re literally wearing his clothes and a red lacey bra and he’s suddenly wondering of the bottom half matches the top. ur looking at him like you know he looked at your chest and its because you do. most guys do it and have been for years so it doesnt surprise you anymore. what does surprise you is how nervous he looks. you may have a big chest but you’ve never thought you were intimidating, let alone pretty enough for anyone to be nervous around you. now You get nervous and cross your arms to cover yourself.

“thanks for letting me borrow these. i promise i’ll wash and return them.”

“don’t worry about it” he thinks about telling you that you can keep them but worries thats too weird to say since neither of you have really ever talked so instead he asks if you wanna borrow his sweatshirt just in case others end up showing up in the laundry room. as nervous as you are about wearing even more of his clothes you’d rather be nervous about that than having others in your building see you in just sweats a a bra, especially the one you were wearing. so you agree and while hes taking it off the shirt hes wearing underneath rides up a bit and you see some skin 👀 no ones ever been this nice to you especially someone this attractive and you’re actually really grateful to put on the sweatshirt and be fully covered again. when its on you repeat what you said earlier about mens clothes being more comfortable than womens and that even your comfiest sweatshirts arent as nice as his. peter blushes from your words and also from seeing you head to toe in his clothes. you’re still marveling at how much better it feels and peter just smiles sooo wide. “thanks for this, peter. im sure this isnt how you planned your trip to the laundry room going but i appreciate it anyways” peter tells you its really no problem and that hes happy to help. he ends up leaving to go back to his place while you stay and wait for your laundry (you don’t need to stay, but its a nice excuse to get out of your apartment for a little bit). when you’re done you dont take off peters clothes and load your basket with your now clean clothes and make your way back to your floor. when youre walking down the hall to your door, peter just comes out of his place in his work attire, a black suit, and your heart starts racing because he looks so so good and you’re still wearing the clothes he let you borrow even though you’re carrying a basket full of clean clothes that actually belong to you. you smile and tell him you’ll return his clothes tomorrow. he smirks but like the happy smiley kind because shes still wearing my clothes!!! and says “see ya tomorrow.”

[flockofdoves]

help me choose living room furniture!!!

so i was mocking up my living room and it turns out i have less space for couches than i hoped and there are just not that many love seat options that match the sleeper sofa i want this is so fucking sad...

but i still wanna be able to have seats for more than a few people so im trying to figure out which of these is best. i'd love input:

two notes:

other room is the kitchen so its full i just didnt bother putting anything there but the kitchen table

i want a tv stand but am not planning on getting one yet so the dimensions on that could be flexible if needed. same thing with a lamp. and some of these include a short bookcase for boardgames but thats experimental and i may not end up getting one.

ok!! lets start

this first one is very similar to how my old roommate had things set up so i know it works and i like it on an 'ease of walking from upstairs or the front door to kitchen' level

but also i kind of hate it because there are no ceiling lights on the living room side and there are no windows beyond that window behind the blue couch and the sliding glass door in the kitchen so with the tv there it made the whole space feel even darker than it does right now

#1

this one below is maybe best as far as like. compromising between ease of walking around it, walking through it, and not blocking off light?

but while it doesnt matter that much i wish there was more room for side tables while still having it easy to walk through. there arent that many small sidetables available rn i like but maybe could add the teal and red decoupage one to this?

#2

ok actually maybe its possible to have an ok amount of room to navigate and have two side tables if you just remove the bookshelf (could also fit this with the leather top table and the hexagons or brass and glass tables if anyone thinks those look better)

#3

and then heres what full size couches look like when i try to put them with the tv against the wall. a little weird with how couches overlap with other stuff so idk if its worth it and would practically and comfortably amount to more seating

#4

#5

for the one above: second one is a little better for walking past and eventually could try to find one matching sidetable, but could be nice to have two like the first one (the hexagon tables fit about equally if those look better to people)

and then heres similar but with loveseats instead so it fits a bit better

#6

#7

and then for the rest of these: it seems kind of weird to have the tv like this because i'm a little worried about knocking into the tv if i ever walk to the kitchen in the dark but it seems like its easier to fit a lot more stuff this way while still not blocking light from the windows

#8

#9

#10

i already own that circle table and its pretty but also its too tall for a normal side table so i've been trying to sell it but maybe instead of a floor lamp i could just put a normal lamp on it if theres already a big square of space between the couches? or alternatively instead of the one hexagon table jutting out i could just not have the circle table and put the hexagon there instead

or just have the little teal and red table

#11

and then could also just have a love seat in this arrangement too i guess and then thered be even more room to walk by than if the tv was on the wall

#12

#13

idk if this swan one really goes with anything and its so expensive but its so pretty so heres a couple with it..

#14

#15

god idk theres even more combos that could be good that i gave up on trying to figure out bc ive like lost the plot and am driving myself crazy with this

but yeah!! i really would love any input

[caffeinatedopossum]

AH! Okay Im reading the Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The Dalai Lama was asked how he could experience joy when he had so much stuff thats happened to him and he said, based on a practice from another teacher, basically it was if you cant do anything, why worry, and if you can, why be worried? In other words ofc but thats a phrase we use a lot, isnt it?

But then he talked about being exiled and all his people who are suffering from it, too. If he looked at just that he would be really worried, but if he looked at how the muslims are also struggling and the people in China? He can unite his suffering with theirs and not be so worried. Like, he can see we are all human brothers and sisters suffering together (not comparing pains and saying his is less than or anything). Which I guess means he cant do anything with worry on that scale except be responsible for his joy and mental state. (And point to ignore, since western ideals is that if youre not worried then you must not be doing anything, it doesnt mean that at all. Hate that bit of propaganda, i swear).

How do you think this works? And what it means? And how to apply it to other situations, like being disabled or having been hurt by another in the past or something. I really like the idea but my brain is giving me an error warning. Though buddhism is one of those things you just vibe with and cant think about lol

Oo! First of all, I love thought-provoking things like this so thank you c: also hope you're doing well!

I think the simplest way I've heard it put is "pain shared is halved, joy shared is doubled" so even when we or people around us are suffering from things outside our control, the simple ability to connect with or relate to each other is really powerful.

On that same note, though, I don't think happiness/contentedness is something we have complete control over. I mean, it'd be a little weird if I did, as someone who was miserable until I got the right antidepressants recently. I always used to feel like I was just doing something wrong, like there was something I was missing if I couldn't make myself happy or okay. But then I got these meds, and it was like a switch was flipped, and suddenly everything was just okay.

I think ultimately this concept is about acceptance and connection - like accepting what you can't control and taking comfort in the unity of pain. With being disabled, I guess what that means for me is just reminding myself that this could happen to anyone (and it does happen to others) and that even though my pain and limitations may be of a different nature or intensity than most people I see day-to-day, that doesn't mean we don't have anything in common. We both still have felt pain, no matter what. That's just a part of life everyone can relate to.

[mcrmadness]

i have a question about your 'finnish doesnt have accents' post

are there variations within a region that is considered to have the same dialect? like for example in cities do people who are more 'working class' sound different from people who are more 'upper class' even though theyre from the same city. or do people who are from rural areas sound different to people from a city even if they dont live far away from each other

i know that not everywhere puts as much emphasis on class division as places like britain do and maybe in finland 'countryside' and 'city' are considered separate dialects anyway but if there are differences within a dialect how are they described?

i dont want this to come across as me trying to 'prove that finnish does have accents actually' because its really not. i just find it fascinating how different languages are built up and hearing that a language doesnt have the concept of accents kind of surprised me so im sorry if thats how it sounds

Hi! And don't worry, I don't think your message sounds rude at all!

To your questions I would say: no. There is no working class vs. upper class division in Finland, at least not anymore. The spoken language sounds the same no matter how much money you make, and the countryside doesn't differ from the city at all.

The only differences within a dialect I know of is older people vs. younger people. Some dialects might also have tiny regional differences to them within a region. I speak one subdialect of the Savo dialect myself, and my area is quite big and what's nowadays considered part of this city, used to be smaller towns or villages maybe ~20 years ago. The dialect is the same in all, but there are slight differences to which letters are used. I googled this a bit as I'm not certain how it goes as I speak a mixture of these, but here's an example I found:

The word for 'forest' is "metsä' in Finnish, and to say "in a/the forest" it's "metsässä". But in Eastern Finland, we don't really like the -ts- combo. So there are two different ways of saying those words inside this region:

mehtä -> mehässä or mehtä -> metässä

In some other dialects in Finnish, it become mettä -> metässä, which I also use often despite it not even being my original dialect. When I was working at a place where we had lots of older visitors (who were in their 50-70s) from all over this region, I eventually started to notice that I started to pick up this older, even stronger way of speaking Savo dialect. Again, it's about which letters you leave out, switch or add, because the pronunciation is always the same, but I'd say this is the difference between older vs. younger people speaking. And I always say that nowadays I speak so that I sounds like a 60 year old man because of the way I use my dialect lol

More under the cut, my answer got a bit too long as usual...

Here's another word: kylmä. Which means "cold", often I say "kylymä" where that extra vowel is a speciality of a few Finnish dialects. But if I'm going for a really strong Savo, much closer to the actual Savo dialect which I do not speak naturally, then I switch that vowel to another one and it becomes: "kylömä".

Or if twisting the words even more, the partitive case is "kylmää" in the written (standard) Finnish, but in my dialect you can say that as "kylymää", "kylmee", "kylymee" or "kylömää". The reason why I speak of dialects and not accents is that anyone from any region in Finland saying this, will have the "accent" the exact same and they will sound Savonian by just reading those out loud. You don't need an accent to fake a dialect in Finnish, you just need to know the features and quirks of a dialect which is such a complicated thing I personally cannot imitate other dialects. I can only somewhat imitate the actual Savo dialect, but I still don't get it to be perfect because I did not grow up talking that dialect, only a version of it. (But some people are really good at remembering these features and can imitate other dialects really well, and I find that super fun to listen to :D)

The fun thing about Finnish is also that whenever we have weird things happening in a dialect - we write those differences down. Because everything is spelled the way it's pronounced, and everything is pronounced the way it's spelled. You can often tell someone's region from their writing if they write in the spoken language, but you can't tell where someone grew up in if they are speaking another dialect because the dialects don't have accents that would expose it. The same way you cannot tell if someone's from the countryside or city, you can only tell which city area they most likely live in because of the dialect they speak (also foreigners moving here usually pick up the dialect of their region, but might still speak Finnish with the accent of their own mothertongue), and you also cannot tell anyone's income based on the way they speak.

I've heard that in the UK people sometimes have to fake their accent if they're working class or such as it might affect the way they are treated/if they're gonna offered a job or not, but we don't have anything like that here. In fact, the whole thought is so bizarre to me because Finnish has no accents and I can't even imagine what it would be like to try and do an accent not natural to me. The closest I can imagine is switching to more cleaner version of Finnish, something resembling the written Finnish but not too much because also the written Finnish sounds really really weird when spoken unless it's the president, prime minister or news reporters on TV doing so. (I often clen up my dialect a bit if I'm speaking with someone who might not be that familiar with my dialect, as sometimes it could be a bit difficult to understand - and also because people often have the tendency to call this dialect very cute and it makes me feel like I'm infantilized and not maybe taken so seriously, which doesn't help when I'm already also a babyface :DD But that's a whole different story already!)

Okay, my answer got a bit long and I'm honestly not sure if I even answered anything you were asking about lol. But feel free to elaborate or ask more if any of this was too confusing. I literally don't really know when e.g. with English something is an accent and when it's a dialect, as Finnish only has dialects but I know for sure that e.g. UK, US and AU Eng are accents and not dialects. But where does e.g. Scottish fall in? Is that an accent or a dialect? Or all the different regions in the USA alone, are those dialects, or are there both? And what defines it which is which if there are both accents and dialects? Knowing answers to these would probably make me understand the whole "everyone has an accent" thing a lot better.

[mabeysomeclasspecting]

You're still doing requests? Awesome! Can you classpect mine 🥺 no need to rush with it ofc, pace yourself! Uhh, lets see.

1. What are your interests/hobbies?

i have a lot of interests but if i have to put a pin on them, its always about exploring something new. watching a mysterious internet arg, writing down worldbuilding ideas, getting myself lost because my hometown start to get too samey, exploring abandoned buildings, and watching plays and backyard gigs. which is ironic because i live in a small-ish town, there is not much excitement or exploration to be done in here, but i make do. other interests of mine would be music. i like music that are weird, distorted, and just off. i love it when the rhythm is a discordant mess. however, just because i seem to go out a lot doesnt mean im the social type. i mean, i try to be, i kinda have to get used to keeping secrets and doing things all alone to get some freedom / agency in life.

2. How Do You See Yourself?

Honestly it depends on which character i latched on to that week. I dont really care for having an internal self. Whatever serves what i want best is my current self. But, turns out im not that good as a social chameleon. So, one thing I can recognize about myself is i don't quit and give up on things even when I should. When I want things, I might not be very motivated to get it, but I'll always work on it no matter how long it takes or how many times it has failed. Oftentimes I worry that im too slow and that no matter how much patience and devotion i have to my wants, I just dont have enough energy to actually get it. Or i'll end up ruining myself in the process.

3. How do you think others see you

Unforgettable. Striking. strange and offputting. Acquaintaces say im okay but a little aloof/strange. My family say i work hard but i have no sense of self preservation, tbh i think theyre biased. My friends think im smart and a little impressive. But closest besties, despite my best efforts, see that i used to be super sheltered and inexperienced in social settings. its terrible!

4. How do you interact with your friends?

Hm, depends on what kind of friends. if theyre the hangout friend, i'll just sit back and occasionally make them laugh with my dumb antics and give out some trivias to make things fun and easy. If theyre the deep conversation friend, i would try to impress them with how much i know. its overcompensating i know.

Its not all roses with me though. Some of my friends did say i can be unsympathetic to their problems. which is surprising to them because they thought im nice. i didnt mean it, i guess i just dont get why people just lament instead of finding a solution. its so... helpless. i dont want to be my younger self who let himself get trapped in his own house and miss out on so much life because theyre too afraid to act. so why people do nothing but feel sad when awful things happen is beyond me. And that comes out harsh when people are used to my lighthearted, easygoing self.

5. What's Important To You

I need to feel good about myself. And that's very much reliant on me working for my dreams. Not some escapism or fantasy. I also want change, a kinder world, justice. I want everyone to get whats been stolen from them. However, I spent so much time and wasted so many opportunities because of that dream, it almost feel like its holding me back from permanently feeling good for myself. but when i think about it, im not angry or disappointed. I like to see the silver lining in everything i guess. but there's limits to this. Yknow the phrase "fighting the good fight?" i think, its not enough to fight, you have to win, no matter how many rules you break or how many things become collateral damage. doesnt matter if youre in the right side of history or how many times you prove bigots wrong if you keep losing and dying. and thats a matter of action and bravery, not morals.

6. Describe the ideal you, what kind of person do you strive to be?

Impressive. Capable and competent at everything. Scares people but in a good way. Get shit done. Have sick-ass tattoos, have lots of friends, Can be relied on for everything. And have traveled to so many places and get so many extraordinary experiences.

(note : i wanted to send you an ask a few months ago, but there was a sudden blackout in my area right after i hit send. pretty sure its gone to the void! but just to make sure, if you see an ask thats similar in content to this (i remember saying i like internet horror, args, music, and urban exploration!) its probably mine! you dont have to answer that)

and my signoff emojis : 🫧🌪️

Hello! I definitely think that ask got lost, but I'm happy to classpect you now :)

Aspects: Breath, Heart, Time

Classes: Prince, Thief, Maid

You seem like a solid Prince of Breath to me! I feel pretty certain, but play around with those other ones if that doesn't feel right

Hope this helps!

[onlyswan]

Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

[cg-saturn]

hey saturn so ive had a regression block and idk what to do i try to force myself to be small like do all the stuff that would get me into that headspace but it just doesnt work and honestly makes me feel gross whenever i use a paci or stuff like that and i feel bad when i use a baby voice and idk what to do im worried that i wont be able to be small again or i was just faking it idk do you have any tips for having a regression block?

Hey bud, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time regressing. That's something that can happen sometimes, I know Star was in a similar place for a little and I've been there too, it's not fun :(

Sometimes the Big world can affect us in harsh ways. When there's a lot of stress surrounding us, it can be hard to allow ourselves to slip into a little mindset. I want you to know first and foremost that you are not alone in having this happen, it's actually quite common. Little Space is typically a protective mode our bodies go into, if you experience involuntarily regression it's typically a way for your body to regulate its trauma or stress responses. Think little space like a filter- when you run a little dirty water at a time, it will come out clean, but if you put too much dirt in the filter it will jam and stop working. Think of the dirty water as your stress, and the filter as little space. It can be hard to regulate stress around us, but finding ways to reduce things that upset you it can be really helpful to end your block!

Sometimes, little activities and therapy activities overlap. Adult coloring books with colored pencils can be helpful if you feel icky about using kid things when you can't fully regress. You can also use stim toys like tangles or pop toys, they can be really helpful in grounding yourself. Doing things like coloring or playing with "adult" toys can help bring you back into the mood to do little activities that you enjoy!

It can also be really helpful to make yourself a schedule! I make calander boards for kiddos, if you ever have a list of things you need help remembering to do just let me know and I'll make you one to help you keep on track! Taking care of yourself with a schedule can help reduce a lot of stress, because not only will you physically feel better, but you'll have a whole list made so you don't miss anything!

Sometimes talking to a cg can help too- if you don't have one, my dm is always open for kiddos who need to talk! Having someone tell you that it's okay to regress and to reaffirm that there's nothing wrong with it can be a big help. Sometimes we can get in our own heads about if regression is okay or not. I promise it is, and I promise you're valid if you've been regressing or not. You are still a little, you are still deserving of love and kindness and healing, even if you can't currently regress.

You are loved and you are not alone in feeling like this. I promise that no matter what, you are deserving of healing and taking care of yourself. Just because you're having a hard time right now does not mean that you're any less of a little than the rest of us. My dm is always open for you kiddo, I love you and hope things get better soon

Pippi Saturn 💕

[goremet-chef]

random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo

my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it

last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard

she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy

she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?

i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely

ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him

anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened

so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health

like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks

so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)

my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know

what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family

i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore

yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont

my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck

just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too

hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like

its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol

anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great

i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not

i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF

okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)

[throughalleternity]

Hello Im the Anon who asked about Leon and Maggie and Alex navigating sex together all those months ago. I read your fic/snippet and absolutely loved it. It was WAY fluffier and less angstier than I had in mind when I asked about it, but please dont worry, thats a good thing! I love fluff just as much (if not a bit more) than angst and it is just beautiful to read how comfortable all three of them are, even if Leon being present when Maggie and Alex have sex is a new thing for all of them. Its also good for Leon that Alex and Maggie are not as nervous/awkward about it as Leon is at first, because if they were I think Leon would just become more nervous and it would spiral from there, which would make it worse. So, even though, its something that is kinda the opposite of what I expected to happen, its good that Maggie and Alex are kinda leading the scene here and are not as hesitant for Leon to be included as I expected them to be, first, because of Alexs inexperience in the matter (and she often tends to follow Maggies lead a bit too fast/strongly, which I think is a bit problematic) and how strong Maggies opinion about not sleeping with a man is often written. (Im not sure if that bluntness/harshness, even when it is Lucy/Leon, is in character for her or not.) So I was kinda put at ease, especially when it comes to Maggie, that the two welcomed him to their experience and also let him into the bed, which is a HUGE step when it comes to intimacy and trust. Sorry if Im repeating myself, but Im just SOOOO relieved that neither Maggie or Alex where tense or visible uncomfortable with Leon being there, especially because its such a vulnerable state to be in, and it was their first time navigating it. Also, I think/hope that Alex and Maggie talked about it one on one before that scene, to kinda psych themselves up and to make sure that Leon doesnt notice any discomfort/uncertainty on their part that they had before.

Yay, thank you! Vibe/mood felt really important for this one, so I'm glad that worked!

And ooh ok that's really good to know, I don't remember if I missed an angst prompt with it or if that was assumed—I will say that what I've personally wanted out of some genderfluid!Lucy and Director Sanvers stuff has changed in some aspects from what I've said before (this topic included), so I'm not surprised it was different from expected (even though I wasn't intentionally aiming for that). And funnily enough, I think I was struggling initially bc I assumed more fluffy but was finding that harder to come up with ideas for, and it would have been easier to come up with ideas for angst lol. So now I'm like, oh what would the angst look like 🤔👀. Maybe in another version (though probably only slight angst lol) 👀

And yeah, about Alex and Maggie talking about it beforehand: I actually had a line sorta referencing that but I cut it haha; they definitely had a their own convo too.

Thanks again!

[user2315]

my mind is really horrible and it keeps getting worse as the days go by. i used to think suicide is easy but it really isnt, unless you have a gun. im thinking of going to a really tall building thats about an hour away i think. maybe i’ll take an uber or something or i’ll wait this out until i can find an irl friend that can drive me there. i wish i could do things but i dont see the point. im just repeating myself again. i guess i can talk about how i long to be loved but i’ll probably regret it later. no one is seeing this but you know, i hate seeing it. i dont like being super vulnerable and sad but maybe i should on here at least, just to get it out. it scares me, i scare myself, with how badly i want something that doesnt mean anything in the end. sounds edgy but i truly dont think love exists, at least not in the way people usually think of it. you can love things and love love, but you cant really love another person. loving someone is just wanting something from them or knowing you could use them. its all selfish and most people dont realize it. i guess thats why i feel so guilty when i love someone or when someone supposedly loves me, because i know its not what i think it means. bored people fall in love. im not sure what i want then, if its not love then is it selfish needs? do i just want someone to use and listen to me? yea probably. makes sense, im not very good with connection and i tend to abuse people without realizing. i guess thats what love truly is, or im just a horrible person. i hate pitying myself because i know theres nothing actually interesting about me, theres a reason no one likes me. its like something is deeply wrong with me and its gone on for so long that i cant identify it anymore. i want to fix myself but i also dont wanna be like everyone. everyone is stupid and boring, im not. or maybe i am. i dont really want to talk to anyone anymore. its odd, when i stopped talking to people it was usually to cause concern and get their attention. but now its because i hate it, i hate how everyone is the same boring clone of a human. they dont interest me anymore and im kinda worried about how thats going to end for me. people online are all i have left for my isolation but now they dont even help, they make me feel worse. so what now? everyone has abandoned me and i have abandoned everyone. whats next? is there anything else that can happen anymore? can it really get worse than this? i might accidentally jinx myself with this but i wouldnt be surprised if it somehow got worse. i dont really feel anything anyway, something bad happens and im like “ok, cool”. no emotions. ive completely fried my brain and now im a zombie. im no one, i just exist. my mind tries to cope with this by telling me im just in some kind of simulation and nothing and no one exists except me, but that sounds really self pitying. so then it goes to thinking that i dont exist and everyone around me is slowly forgetting about me because i died, or something. my theory is that nihilism is a cope. all this stuff is too much, for me at least, so pretending nothing matters feels like the safest thing to do in this situation. you feel less guilty about doing nothing. i think having a irl friend can somewhat cure me. having a buddy to do everything with and who doesnt think im a freak. sometimes i think about getting my pillow and putting it over me and hugging it and caressing it and pretending its someones back. its weird so i dont actually do it despite me being alone in my room. i guess i know id feel really bad for myself. or its just too cringey. every time i think of relationships or love i get really embarrassed because i know thats not possible for someone like me. im weird and not attractive at all, ugly women like me basically dont exist in this world. i dont care for men but every time a man doesnt hold open the door for me because im an ugly woman (aka worthless garbage), i get a little sad. i mean, i hate being perceived but i also want to feel seen. i dont know.