#don’t take this seriously I literally mean this in a reenactment sense

[thebaffledcaptain]

I love you highlanders I love you dragoons I love you queen’s rangers I love you hessians I love you artillerymen I love you grenadiers I love you loyalist regiments I love you light infantry I love you jaegers I love you fencible regiments I love you all the facets of the 18th century british army that weren’t just battalion and consequently get completely overlooked in all fictionalized american revolution media

[lonelier-version-of-you]

This is an extremely dark and weird take  But like. I’ve been thinking of all the subtext around Henrik and John and Jac. And the surgery scene where Henrik watches as John tries to coax/force Jac through a procedure while she has a panic attack and she looks at him/Sacha through the glass for reassurance/help. I’m not saying the writers meant this or that it’s even corrct but. in hindsight it almost has an aspect of re-enacting abuse to it. I don’t mean literally but like, the entire dynamic between John and Jac there is EXTREMELY weird and the show never really explained what that scene was about or anything, and the way she is so oddly vulnerable and resistant to it while he’s trying to coach or goad her through it is really… there’s almost grooming vibes, if you see it through that lens. and like the shoe went heavily on the insinuating Jac was sexually abused as a child, she was canonically raped, and I know you and some others had thought John may have also been a victim of similar abuse as a child.

this doesn’t explain Henrik’s part but well… yeah. there’s A Lot if you take that^ stuff and add in him watching it and being this third party to whatever’s going on between them (or his experience on Jac being the collateral damage to him and John … or John’s take on Henrik and Jac existing in the same vicinity).

—–

(Text above the dashes submitted by an anon, as per usual)

Anon, no worries. It’s pretty much impossible to analyse Henrik, John, or Jac, let alone the interactions between the three of them, without going into some dark places. Also, if this is an extremely dark and weird take, it was Andy Bayliss’s dark and weird take first.

Seriously though, I do think if there’s any writer who would have done this on purpose, it’s Bayliss. I mean… he did also write the scene where John’s backstory is revealed in the first place. And the scene in the same episode with Jac yelling at John about his tech being inside of her which is - well, it’s really not subtle.

As for Henrik’s part… I don’t really have anything to contribute about him in those John and Jac scenes specifically, but there is a similar scene with Henrik and Greg in S14E19 - Henrik isn’t actually in theatre for those scenes (he’s watching from outside), and he doesn’t get quite as manipulative in that moment as John does because he was saving most of that for Sahira, but the general sense of the scene, him trying to put Greg on the spot and push him (in front of Sahira, who pretty much serves the same role to these scenes - the third party to some weird, trauma-based dynamic - as Henrik did himself in Group Animal part 1), has a lot in common with the Jac and John moment IMO. (Actually, I think the Henrik and Greg dynamic just generally has a fair bit in common with the John and Jac one, not just those two specific scenes. It’s not a 1:1 parallel but there are a lot of similarities. And the same fundamental idea of “these two people are triggering each other by existing in the same building” is there.)

Anyway, I bring that up because it felt relevant, since I strongly believe Henrik learned how to manipulate people from John (who didn’t see anything wrong with it and just thought he was teaching Henrik a survival mechanism). Although obviously Henrik’s actual reenacting-abuse stuff was with Sahira. (John’s reenacting-abuse stuff was just with… everyone, basically. Except Henrik. Well, actually, you could suggest he was subconsciously reenacting some stuff with Henrik too, but it’s a lot more complicated, it’s more in the opposite direction - John letting Henrik have a lot of power over him, compared to him normally trying to be the one with power… I don’t know how much of it I actually believe is that and how much is just them having their weird little codependent dynamic, but you get the idea.)

[elysianslove]

first of all can i just say congrats on the 500 like i'm so happy for you and you absolutely deserve it (huge bear hug :) ) now i had this crazy hcs idea and i immediately thought of you so long story short how would Karasuno , Aoba Johsai and Nekoma react to their sweet manager having powers similar to those of scarlet witch (marvel) or mirajane strauss (fairytail anime) feel free to pick whichever one is easier and thank you so much for indulging my crazy request. love u lots - safiyah <3333

oh my goodness thank you sm for your words here’s a bear hug <3 also also i was literally just thinking just how cool it would be to have like a supernatural au haikyuu thing and then you send me this wow we on some mind reading shit. anyways i really hope you like this. sorry it’s like hq on crack if you want a serious one lemme know hsjkhsk

karasuno high

they lose their shit. 

every single one of them. 

mentally they’re all like 12 (except daichi and mqybe ennoshita) so i definitely think they’d have a very childish reaction to it. 

it’s so endearing though. 

they find out while walking you home one night: it’s very stormy and they just wanted to make sure you get home safe because they worship the ground you walk on. cue like a fucking billboard nearly falling on you and the group of boys and your instincts just kick in and you stop it mid air. 

noya’s still screaming even after everyone’s just gone silent and is gawking at the fact a billboard (or whatever the object is i can’t think rip) is hovering above them. in mid air. because of you. what the fuck? 

daichi’s blood pressure drops he’s like somebody catch me im about to faint wtf is going on. 

you kinda freak and just toss it away and run your way back home, as far away from the boys as possible. 

but alas, you’re their manager, and you have duties to fulfill. so you show up to practice the next morning terrified for your life. 

you’re not really sure why you’re so scared and nervous. you just are? it’s a huge part of who you are and it’d be a big bummer if the most important boys in your life didn’t accept it. 

noya greets you with a really big hug

tanaka’s so loud but what’s new <3 

daichi and suga just come up to you and gently ask if you’re okay because you ran off so quick yesterday

they all act super normal during practice but you can tell

you can tell

they want to ask so many questions they’re gonna explode 

after practice, when coach ukai and takeda leave, and it’s just you, kiyoko, and the boys, it’s s o quiet. you would hear a pin drop. 

you just sigh and go “you can ask” 

your poor eardrums </3 

they’re so fascinated by everything you say 

kiyoko’s like “i had a hunch” like how do u have a hunch about something like this anyways what a queen

noya’s like “make me fly” 

and tsukki in the back “drop him on his ass pls” 

they definitely make you do so many things for them with it 

cleaning duty is now on you because hello !! you can move things with your mind !! 

kags doesn’t get it. he’s like. ok? and ? i can set volleyballs perfectly, hinata can jump really high despite his height, she can move things with her mind? so what? 

i love him 

they’re also crazy good at keeping it a secret? 

not hinata tho he slips up so often like thank god the secret isn’t realistic or believable

he’ll be like “oh yeah? well our manager can move things with her mind!” 

and suga just has to usher him away with a pained smile like “yeah she’s so incredible haha” while doing that thing moms do where they squeeze or pinch your shoulder if they’re mad at you in public 

it feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders when they find out because the closer you grew to these boys, the more they felt like family to you.

aoba johsai

my favorite team 

i hc makki as someone that smokes weed. pls don’t try to convince me otherwise. look at him. he’s a pothead <3 

this is going somewhere i swear.

so you’re a 3rd year manager, meaning you’ve been with these boys a while now, specifically the third years of the team, so y’all are pretty close. 

how they find out: it’s like 3am on a weekend, the seijoh 4 and some of the second years. you’d baked a cake with like all of them all at once in the kitchen, so it was now a mess, so you’re attempting to clean it up as fast as you can the way you know best — with your hands and your mind. makki walks in, high as shit, sees this and just. 

“damn must be the weed.” 

you don’t hear him. so. uh oh. 

he was probably sent there by iwa to get water or something, so iwaizumi walks in and just yells so loud “what the fuck!” 

it’s like they’re all summoned by this. they eventually all pile into the kitchen and you’re literally just frozen in fear with pots and pans and utensils and specks of flour hovering by you. and then you maintain eye contact with iwa as you lift one hand and direct the pans into a cupboard and slowly shut it. 

“so it’s not the weed?” 

they honestly. don’t act any different tbh 

it’s like an added feature of yours that they appreciate. 

oikawa asks you to read his mind to test if what happened that night was real and you just lift him up from off his seat. 

“i asked you to read my mind tho hm” 

yeah mind reading is just a regular thing now. they will slyly ask you to read the other team’s minds during a match and you’re like no that’s cheating. but you do. and you subtlety give them advice. like “hm i wonder if that team’s gonna do this specific attack” 

also oikawa asks (read:begs) u to like help them make it through to nationals

you say “will it feel like a true accomplishment if i do?” 

shuts his pretty face up <3 

they also make you like. toss volleyballs to them. but with your mind. multiple of them. they take it as some stupid challenge idk these boys are dumb i love them 

they also love throwing things at. YOU. LIKE WTF? 

like haha dodgeball but it’s a group of 6’0+ athletes against just. you. 

sounds fair 

they also become insanely protective of you after they find out. idk how that clicks w them but. yes. 

especially mattsun and iwa ? like men. relax.

anyways they would abuse the shit out of your powers genuinely but it’s okay it’s out of love <3

nekoma high

they. they’re idiots. all of them. 

kuroo would probably be like but scientifically ! this makes zero sense 

omg kenma would lose his MIND. 

HES A GAMER BRUH 

HED BE OBSESSED W YOU.

but lowkey bc none of that simp shit </3 

ooou okay so you’re at a training camp and they sneak you in with them so you guys can play truth or dare 

bc yk. you’re kids. 

and y’all are going around and you just pick truth and someone asks what’s the biggest secret you’ve ever kept from us and they expect some dirty shit they’re nasty smh 

and then you straight up go “i can move things w my mind” 

and theyre like ok miss stop playin fr 

keep in mind it’s dark as hell in the dormitory and eerily quiet and you shift one of the chairs in there, and it squeaks loudly

yamamoto jumps and looks at you w so much fear in his eyes. “that wasn’t you” 

“bet?” 

and then suddenly all chairs are moving all at once and yamamato deadass screams 

kuroo’s shrugging like. “it’s just the wind,” like ur not in a closed off room w all the windows shut whatever u say sir <3 

lev’s like

gone into shock. seriously someone go get him water or something. 

when morning comes they’re all like hella scared to approach you except kenma and kuroo bc kenma— is in awe. kuroo — does not believe it. 

you’re kinda :( that they’re scared of you and you approach them after the day is over and just apologize, and tell them you didn’t mean to scare them and that you’d never hurt them or even consider it. 

they do a 180 bruh they just all go “awwwwww” and suffocate you in a group hug so you shove them all off for good measure lmao 

kuroo still doesn’t believe it until you save his ass in broad daylight and he’s like ok maybe it wasn’t fake so what sue me 

whenever there are training camps where other schools come they beg u to help them prank the boys 

especially bokuto and hinata 

and you do obviously 

it’s hilarious watching them scream as something moves slightly. you never do it that it’s suspicious just enough to be like did that happen or is my mind messing w me rn 

scarlet witch also has the ability to mess w people’s mind in the literal sense and whenever one of the boys pisses you off particularly you just make them see their biggest fear 

kenma asks you to reenact some of his favorite gameplays for him

it’s literally just roleplay and you couldn’t care less someone catches the two of you you’re no pussy you can admit when you’re having fun 

overall a very chaotic reaction 

they don’t treat you any different they’re just like 100x more hyped about who you are. like the fact that you’re their manager is already a blessing and now this !!! 

incredible <3333

[snarkwrites]

ssw | sweetpea; wondering what his kiss feels like. | fluff.

NOTES:

Okay, so.. Apparently my brain likes to torment me. Because earlier, I was going to outline the next chapter for my Sweetpea x Andrews!OFC fic Gangsta and my brain threw out a casual, “But have you considered.. Using the Lodge!OFC you were planning to use with Reggie Mantle.. With Sweetpea?” and this kind of.. came.

So.. if enough people are interested, I may be considering actually writing them a fic or doing more of these little things based around them.. and trying to delve more into possibly pairing Alyssa with Reggie? Because when I wrote their oneshot I felt like there was potential there too... Also, this one shot is a direct result of me, watching dirty dancing reenactments on tik tok and my love for the movie + the fact that Riverdale does musicals every season...

Anyway, enjoy?

PROMPTS:

taken from either [ HERE ] or [ HERE ] give or take. It could be one or the other or a mix of both at my own choosing.

the way he says your name / his fingers sliding between your own / wondering what your kiss feels like - these are the inspo prompts used for this oneshot.

FANDOM / CHARACTER

Riverdale / Sweetpea x Lodge!OFC, Marlena

OTHER WORKS SWEET PEA X MARLENA ARE USED IN

None BUT.. That could change, idk..

WARNINGS

Intense sexual tension. Arguing back and forth as a love language until someone snaps. Mutual crushes that turn into something more.. This one is absolutely safe for the kiddos aside from a few swears and the like.. Oh and one barely elaborated on incident of thigh riding / dirty dancing.

TAGGING

There’s absolutely no one on my Riverdale taglist. If you want to be on it, please let me know. Or add yourself to the link below.

OTHER STUFF

[ faq | sfw masterlist - safe for the kiddos but read with caution | tag list ] 

“I swear to God, if she doesn’t give me more, I’m going to fall asleep. Is this really all we could find to participate in the musical for you guys?” My sister's question drew me out of a silent stare war with Sweetpea across the auditorium. He rolled his eyes and I stuck out my tongue at him before turning my attention back to my older sister, sighing as I glanced in the direction of the stage up front. “ She’s not that bad.. I mean at least she had the guts to try out for a part?” I mused quietly, shaking my head. Disappointed at myself because I hadn’t signed up.

Stage fright is one hell of a deterrent. And I knew that if I had tried out, no matter how well I knew the movie we were doing our musical adaptation of this year, when opening night came and those curtains opened and I saw all those people sitting out in the seats? I was going to freeze. I’d completely ruin the show. I didn’t want that.

The best I could do was at least offer to do costumes for Kevin. I told myself that behind the scenes was still helping and being supportive but deep down, ugh.. I wanted to do so much more.

If I were half as brave as my older sister Veronica is when it comes to this kind of stuff… Everyone has their fears though. Mine just happen to be public speaking in front of large audiences. My sister tells me constantly that it doesn’t make sense because I can go all over competing in dance stuff and there’s a crowd there, but.. When I’m dancing, I’m focused on footwork. On steps and the music and the way it makes me feel. I don’t have to speak.

This is also ironic when you take into consideration I am not a shy girl by any stretch of the imagination. I’m actually quite vocal. But when it involves speaking in public?

I freeze. I shut down and in turn, I wind up looking like an idiot.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice that Veronica had gotten up out of her seat and walked over, taking the seat right beside Kevin. They were whispering back and forth. I laughed softly because knowing my sister, she was probably telling Kevin that Leah needed to find a better attitude or Kevin needed to find a better person to play Baby Housemann.

Oh, if only I had one tenth of a clue.

My sister came back over, sinking down into the seat next to me. “Feel better now?” I asked her, barely hiding my amusement as I said it. She giggled and nodded. “Much better. I want you to remember how much you love me…” she muttered.

I raised a brow. “What’s that even mean?”

“Just wait.”

“What the hell did you do, Ronnie?”

“You’ll find out, Marlena. Just wait.” Veronica wouldn’t give me any more of an answer than that. Grumbling to myself, I settled back in my seat and tried to focus on the ongoing argument between Leah and Kevin from the stage.

Rolling my eyes at her audacity. Literally anyone could’ve done her part better and she had the nerve to demand Kevin to change everything to fit her? Refusing to work with him on anything? Putting down the script when it was the same one they used in the movie?

Just the thought of it had me shaking my head and muttering to myself about the entitlement and audacity. Veronica gave a soft laugh and leaned in, mocking the way she’d delivered her last line and the fact that she wanted pretty much all her dialogue changed and constantly needed reasons why her character did anything they did.

“Marlena! Hey, Marlena, where are you?” Kevin was calling my name. I looked up from the whispered conversation I’d been having with my older sister Veronica and raised my hand, waiting.

“C’mon. I want to try something. Leah’s just not cutting it for me as Baby.” Kevin called out to me as he gave Leah an irritated dirty look. Leah threw down her script and walked out of the auditorium in a huff. “This is a stupid idea for a musical anyway. Nothing’s gonna top what the seniors are doing. Good luck, jackass.”

Veronica gave me a nudge and with a soft laugh, she leaned in, smiling as she whispered into my ear, “You were born for this, Marlena. Dirty Dancing is your all time favorite movie.”

“Excuse me? I thought we both established it was Crybaby. Then Grease. Then Dirty Dancing.” I teased, standing in a hurry. My sister’s rebuttal to this was to point out with a soft laugh that I definitely had my own special vibe and type of guy. I poked out my tongue at her and turned away. Making my way towards the front of the auditorium where Kevin stood.

Once I was up there, Kevin pressed a copy of our class’s script into my hands. “Congratulations, you’ve been promoted from costumes.” he smirked at me. “I have a feeling about you and this part. As a director, I’m going to go with my gut.”

“But I didn’t sign up..” I shuffled my feet. 

“ Yeah, well, the ones who did from your class obviously don’t care enough to bother showing up to practice or don’t care enough to give their best when they actually bother to come and we’re rehearsing.” Kevin shrugged. Taking his seat.

Alex, the guy who’d been cast as Johnny Castle, walked over. Wrinkling his nose at me as soon as he stood in front of me. Arms folded over his chest as he asked Kevin in a snobbish tone, “So we’re seriously just letting stage crew have parts now, Keller? Is that what this is? I thought you were going to help us make our musical better, not make it a massive failure.”

“Asshole.” I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes as I stepped up to him, jabbing a finger into his chest. Giving him a piece of my mind because holy hell did his holier than thou attitude ever irritate me, “I’ll have you know, I probably know this movie line for line. I can probably do all the dances blindfolded, in a wheelchair. Who the hell do you think you are anyway? I saw you in Romeo and Juliet. I have never fallen asleep so fast in my entire life.” I smirked as I went quiet, rolling my eyes at him.

Alex chuckled and rolled his eyes right back at me, making the dismissive remark in response, “Did I ask you to speak? Did I address you directly? No. I didn’t. I was talking to the director. Don’t you have costumes to make or something? You’re holding up rehearsals.”

Out towards the back of the auditorium, I heard my sister cheering me on. Clapping and whistling. Telling me to give him hell and telling Alex he was awfully full of himself for someone who got a thumbs down by a New York theater critic over the summer.

I took a deep breath and glanced down at the script in my hands. Starting to read over it. Ignoring the argument between Kevin and Alex for the most part. Just trying to get myself in character while I waited. 

Alex grumbled and stormed back over, standing near me. His posturing tense and a supremely annoyed look in his eyes as he gave me half a second’s glance. Kevin gave the cue to start and Alex read his line first. 

“Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.”

Before I even got a chance to read off my line, Kevin was standing up. Making his way towards us. “You two are supposed to be dancing together. Marlena, you need to stand closer. Alex, you need to deliver the line in more of a teasing tone. Like you’re trying to taunt her. Playful. Not like you’re actually being an asshole. Like you’re flirting with her.”

“She’s not my type.” Alex rolled his eyes as he glanced at me. I glared up at him, a hand on my hip. Dangerously close to exploding all over again. I kept everything I’d been about to say to myself though, and with a deep breath, I listened as Kevin gave us both advice. Smirking to myself a little when he lit into Alex for being a drama queen.

After Kevin finished telling us what to fix, we prepared to try again. I stepped closer. Found myself glancing out in the crowd. My eyes settled on Sweetpea. 

I found him watching the whole thing play out with an amused smirk. His arms folded over his chest. Holding my gaze boldly. Daring me to look away first. I refused. If  I looked away first, that gave him the upper hand. I was not about to give him that.

,, That jackass. Look at him. All smug.. Ugh, I just wanna punch his stupid sexy face.” the thought surfaced and I quickly did my best at shoving it out again. I found myself thinking about a heated argument we’d had in the hallway earlier.

I found myself kind of drawing parallels between him and the character Alex was supposed to be playing but doing a terrible job at playing. I couldn’t work with the performance Alex was giving, he wasn’t giving me anything to work with. 

Somewhere in the midst of it all, I found myself replaying my earlier argument with Sweetpea. Stepping closer to Alex. Doing my best to play at a lack of experience in dance, despite my vast experience and love for it. Getting immersed in the role. Imagining myself as the character Baby.. And not Alex but Sweetpea as Johnny Castle.

Alex delivered his line a second time. His delivery wasn’t much better. Kevin grumbled to himself and made his way over yet again. This time, Kevin’s problem with the scene had absolutely nothing to do with me.

He addressed me first. “Please, please please.. You have to play Baby. You have to.” he gave me a pleading look. “I’m prepared to beg, okay?”

I pretended to mull it over. Smiling as I nodded. “Okay, alright.. I can still do costumes though, right? Because I already have a ton of ideas drawn up..” I shuffled my feet, giving Kevin a pleading look.

“Yeah! Definitely. You’re the only one I trust to do the costumes right, Marlena.” Kevin answered quickly.

He turned his attention to Alex and they got into a heated argument. Alex blamed his performance on me and the fact that I seemed standoffish and that I wasn’t up to his level and shouldn’t even be sharing a stage with him to begin with. Insisting that Kevin should at least give Josie McCoy a chance to play Baby in our play. She already had her hands full with the senior class musical and her performance during intermission and Kevin pointed that out.

“Josie can’t do both musicals and intermission twice, Alex. That’s asking way too much. Even from her, man. Marlena is Baby. You can adapt to that or you’re welcome to leave.” Kevin stood firm in his decision.

Alex eyed me and I stood taller. Smirking up at him. More than a little amused by the entire thing. He chuckled. Shrugging as he tossed down the script he’d been holding in his hands. “Fine. Try to find somebody else to do a better job at playing Johnny. See how that works out. I’m done. I refuse to participate in this mockery.”

He stormed out of the auditorium.

My sister Veronica and Josie McCoy shared a look and a nod. Veronica stood. Josie shot up out of her seat also and the two jogged over to Kevin. Getting him off to the corner of the auditorium. As the three of them whispered back and forth, I stood there, shuffling my feet. Reading ahead in the script.

Taking it all in.

Honestly enjoying the fact that I was going to be playing Baby Housemann in the junior class musical immensely more than I thought I would. ,, until opening night when you’re on stage in front of everyone and you either freeze, bolt out of the room or throw up everywhere.” my mind taunted.

I shoved out the intrusive thought.

Kevin chuckled out loud. Getting so excited that he didn’t keep his voice down when he spoke up. “Your minds, I swear. Yeah, we’re gonna try that. Right now, actually.” Kevin told my sister and Josie. They smirked at each other and as they walked past me, Veronica gave me a wink.

And almost as soon as she did, I braced myself. Because I have the sneaking suspicion that my sister was up to something. And if that something had to do with a certain Serpent reading against me as Johnny Castle?

I was literally going to die. I’d be totally doomed.

,, maybe not.” and even the surprise optimism had me laughing at myself because I knew better.

“Sweetpea, can you come up here, man?” Kevin called out.

I tensed just a little. Took a deep breath. Suddenly I knew exactly what my sister had been up to but my question now was why had Josie taken part in the whole idea? I thought she was dating him? They were hot and heavy at Cheryl’s party a few weeks ago and they went places together a lot …

I prayed for a portal to another dimension to open in the stage and take me out. If my sister has even slightly hinted that I may or may not have feelings for the giant jerk to anyone I swear to God.. I’ll die.

Sweetpea hopped over the chair in front of him and walked down the long aisle, stopping where Kevin sat in the front row. The two were whispering back and forth and more than one time, Sweetpea glanced back at me. Smirking. Chuckling as he listened to what Kevin was telling him and rubbing his chin as he pretended to think something over.

Sweetpea looked over at me and shrugged as he answered Kevin. “I can try. I’m not makin any promises though because I don’t dance and I’ve never seen this movie.”

“Just trust me. You’re as Johnny as Johnny gets, Pea.” Kevin encouraged. I wanted to kick him so badly at that moment. Did he seriously have to encourage Sweetpea? There had to be someone else… anyone else. Someone I didn’t have a massive crush on and yet also want to strangle.

I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and gag, as per usual when Sweetpea locked eyes with me again as he walked towards where I stood..

 ,, because God forbid you let him even get an ounce of suspicion that you have a crush on the guy.” my brain was at it again with the taunting. I pushed it all down deep and took a deep breath or two.

“You did this just to be an asshole.” I muttered.

“No, I did this because Kevin’s my friend. Not everything I do is about pissing you off, princess.” Sweetpea chuckled as he said it. Adding in a quieter tone, “Just because you’re Marlena Lodge… That doesn’t make everything about you.”

My jaw set and I glared up at him. Taking a deep breath or two. Reminding myself that despite Sweetpea now reading as Johnny Castle, I still loved this movie and I wanted our class’s play to be worth watching. That I couldn’t mess this up. I couldn’t let Sweetpea taunt and torment me into messing this up either.

I didn’t want to disappoint Kevin because he was one of my best friends. He was depending on me to at least try to do my best here.

Kevin gave the signal for us to start from the top of the scene.

I stepped closer. My body brushing against Sweetpea’s. Sweetpea mirrored this and grabbed hold of my arms, pulling them out in front of me just like Patrick Swayze did in the actual movie as he recited the line.

And the tone in his voice, oh my god.

“Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.”

I responded with my line. Stepping closer, even throwing in an accidental mis-step on the top of his foot on my own. 

Kevin continued to sit, watching us rehearse. By the time we got to the scene where Johnny is telling Baby that he got fired, I could feel more people’s eyes on us. And I swallowed hard, trying not to focus on being watched and how that felt, but instead, on the script. On what I had to say and how I felt like it needed to come across.

And maybe, in my own mind, I was imagining how I’d act if I were in Baby’s shoes. Having just argued with my father about the guy I was in love with only to turn and find out that despite my own optimism at convincing the guy to do the right thing, nothing worked out the way I wanted at all.

Sweetpea must have caught on to my anxiety because he muttered quietly, “You good, princess?” as he covertly brushed his hand against mine. Clearing his throat to get my attention and keep me from getting nervous and blanking out or bolting off the stage.

I gazed up at him a second or two, finally nodding. Managing to ground myself somehow and I tried my best to convince myself it was not because Sweetpea’s fingers laced through mine. Almost as if he’d caught hold of my hand to keep me from leaving.

,, He’s just doing that because it’s in the script. You’re supposed to be having a heated discussion and you’re about to walk away upset. That’s the only reason he grabbed your hand. It has nothing to do with the fact that you kind of freaked out a little and lost your focus.” I reminded myself grimly as I caught up to where we were on the page and took a deep breath, preparing for my turn to speak.

As I delivered my next line, “So I did it for nothing.I hurt my family, you lost your job anyway-- I did it for nothing!” I wanted to disappear into the stage floor when my sister stood up in her chair, clapping and whistling. But the way I said it sounded so wistful. Disappointed and bitter. Like I was truly hurting.

Sweet Pea said his line. “No, no, not for nothin', Baby! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before.” and I paused. Staring up at him. Blown away because he sounded so sincere too. Like for a second or two, this was really taking place and it wasn’t just some silly rehearsal. Like he meant what he was saying.

But I knew he didn’t. We tolerate each other at best. At our worst, we’re at each other’s throats constantly. Finding any and all excuses to rip into each other or push the other’s buttons. Because it’s just what we do.

But his tone. The look in his eyes when he delivered the line. The way his eyes fixed on me, searching. Waiting.

“It’s your turn, princess.. Cat got your tongue?” he muttered under his breath to draw me out of my own inner turmoil.

I took a deep breath and scanned the page. Finding my next line. “You were right, Johnny. You can't win no matter what you do!” and I could feel him staring as I said it. Biting his lip when I lazily punched at his chest because it felt like the right thing to do in the heat of the moment to show how upset the character was. I shook my head and dropped my eyes. “You were right.” I muttered in a quieter tone.

Sweetpea reached out, rough fingertips gripping my jawline. Guiding my eyes back up to meet his as he replied with the next line, “You listen to me. I don't wanna hear that from you. You can!”

And again, it sounded so real. Emotional. Like we were really having this argument. I was really getting into this. Probably a little too much for my own good. I sighed and shook my head sadly. Biting my lip as I stepped away a little and continued to shake my head, arguing back, “I used to think so.” and after a second or two, adding in a quieter tone, “Now I don’t know anymore.” even though it wasn’t in the script.

Sweetpea was staring at me. Thoughtful. Intent. Almost as if he were actually seeing me and not all the stupid things he’d written me off as from the word go on the first time we met. He cleared his throat and that shit-eating smirk was back again. “Not too bad, huh?”

“Jackass.” I muttered, mostly to myself. Still a little dazed.

Kevin called for a break and made his way over.

“Okay, we’re going to take this all the way from the beginning tomorrow. I wish I’d done this sooner. We’re going to have to practice the lift next. Because the lift is iconic. We have to pull that off or I’m gonna want to punch myself in the throat.” Kevin was excited, rambling away a mile a minute.

Sweetpea spoke up. “What about my part in the senior musical?”

“You can do both. We’ll move the junior musical to a different night. You have to do this. C’mon…”

Sweetpea grumbled and finally muttered with a shrug, “Okay, alright. Fine. Shit. I’ll do it. But I’m not wearing tights, are we clear?”

“You really haven’t seen the movie at all… have you?” I scoffed as I gazed up at Sweetpea. He mimicked me and shrugged. “I’ve seen bits of it. But I know one thing and that’s dancers wear tights. I’m not wearing tights. Not happenin.”

“For your information, you big idiot, Patrick Swayze does not wear tights a single time in this movie. At least not that I remember and I’ve seen it a thousand times... Suit and tie, maybe.”

Sweetpea grumbled and raised a brow.

“Not for the whole movie, damn it.. Black jeans and a black shirt will suffice for most of it. You can even wear your leather jacket, you big man-baby. Johnny Castle wears one in the movie.” I answered. Stepping closer to him to sort of get a visual read on his measurements so that when the time came I at least kind of had an idea of what worked. Sweetpea chuckled, dragging his fingers through his hair as he gazed down at me. “See something you like, princess?”

“I’m trying to figure out what I’m gonna need for your costume, dingus.” I replied as calmly as possible.

“Ya know, you could always just measure me… Right? Or ask me my size?”

“Oh you’d enjoy that entirely too much. And I’d have to touch you. No, nope. No thanks, I’ll pass.”

“I’m gonna have to touch you anyway. That lift or whatever it was that had Kevin rambling just now.” Sweetpea barely hid his amusement as he stepped even closer. A hand at my hip. Lingering.

For a second or two, I was lost in his eyes and totally oblivious to anything going on around us and then Kevin shattered that by starting the last song of the musical and calling for everyone to take their places.

And from the crowd, Fangs spoke up.

“Hey babe.. What if we got all the extras from the clubhouse scene to come in through the crowd? Just like the movie?” Fangs was smirking at both Sweetpea and I as he spoke up. Enjoying this entire situation way too much.

“Fangs, you brilliant and beautiful man, this is exactly why I love you so much.” Kevin smirked as he rubbed his chin and called out. “Okay, if you were an extra in the clubhouse scene, go to the doors of the auditorium. When Fangs gives the signal, you’ll come in. Dancing.”

He turned to Sweetpea. “You go with them.”

Sweetpea managed to break the staredown we had going on and he nodded. Grumbling as he walked towards the front of the auditorium.

Everything went pretty well until we got to the part where I was supposed to run to Sweetpea and he was supposed to lift me over his head. I took off, running towards him.

I missed the mark. Wound up with my legs wrapped around his waist, clinging for dear life while he staggered back just a little. Both of us arguing about whose fault it was that we messed up.

Kevin cleared his throat.

“You guys need more practice. Maybe you could rehearse together?”

Sweetpea and I glanced at each other, mulling it over.

“Fine.” Sweetpea ground out through a jaw tightly clenched. A glance at Fangs revealed that the reason he agreed without a huge fight was probably something to do with the way Fangs was giving him a demanding look.

“Fine.” I answered. Swallowing hard.

Trying to pull myself together because frankly, I was still all sorts of stirred up from the way he’d actually caught me and the fact that no, I hadn’t wanted him to put me back on my feet at the end, either.

I spoke up again. “We can do it at the bunker.” I suggested. Trying to think of a neutral place that didn’t favor either of us heavily. A place we could hopefully be alone and focus. And probably scream and shove and storm away to cool off if things got too heated.

“8 work for you or does daddy let you out past your bedtime, princess?” Sweetpea taunted, smirking at me when I glared and rolled my eyes.

“ I do what I want.” I scoffed at his parting jab. 

From behind me, my sister spoke up. “Are you ready, Marlena?” as she looked back and forth between Sweetpea and I with an amused grin.

“Yeah. We need to get going.” I answered.

 As my sister and I walked out of the auditorium, my sister gave a soft laugh. “That wasn’t so bad, huh? I knew you could do it.”

“Oh shut up.” I grumbled, managing a weak smile. “We haven’t made it to the night of yet. Don’t jinx this. Remember what happened last time I had to get up in front of people and talk in any capacity?”

“Marlena, that was kindergarten. Maybe it’ll be different.”

“Veronica, I threw up everywhere. And not gracefully, either. It was a full on projectile vomit.”

“That was something. The chemistry between you and Sweetpea in there. I felt like I was actually watching the movie.”

“He’s an ass. And he hates me, remember?”

“Yeah, well.. It didn’t look that way to me, Marlena. If he hated you, he wouldn’t have been standing so close the entire time… or the way he grabbed your hand?” my sister questioned.

I shrugged it off. “Can we change the subject?”

“Why? Afraid I might be right?” my sister teased, as usual.

TIME SKIP

“Okay, if he’s not here in ten minutes, I’m leaving. This place gives me the creeps.” I muttered to myself almost the exact second that I managed to find a spiderweb with my face and shriek about it.

Low chuckling from behind me had me turning. Finding myself body to body with Sweetpea as he tried not to laugh.

“Do you talk to yourself a lot or do I make you that nervous, princess?” he taunted. I gave a light shove and stepped away, pouting up at him. Quick to argue that he didn’t make me nervous, not at all, not even a little.

Despite knowing that the truth of the matter was yes. Yes, he made me extremely nervous. Because he was so distinctly my type and I just longed for what I knew wouldn’t ever work out between us because we were entirely too different.

“In other words, yes. I make you that nervous.” Sweetpea’s jaw set in a line and I flinched a little. Not wanting to fight with him.

I quickly changed the subject, nodding to a little tv and dvd player I’d rigged up earlier and the brown paper bags with Pop’s logo on the front.

“We need to rehearse. Not whatever this is.” Sweetpea was still irritated.

“Yes, well.. You’re never going to realize just how huge a part of the story Johnny Castle is until you’ve seen the movie.”

Sweetpea rubbed his chin in thought. “How long is this fucking movie?”

“Maybe two hours? C’mon… Or do you have a hot date waiting?” -the hint of jealousy that crept into my tone was enough to make me tense up a little. Pray to God he hadn’t picked up on it. Lucky for me, he didn’t seem to, instead, he was already digging into the grease stained paper bags, grabbing himself a burger and fries.

Sprawling on the little twin sized bed.

I dug out my own food and sat down, close to the edge of the bed, careful not to sit too close to him because I didn’t want to crowd him or annoy him or give him the wrong impression.. Or in my case, the right impression though I’d die before admitting that to him. 

After hitting play on the DVD player, the opening title splashed across the screen and I smiled, settling into my chosen seat just a little more comfortably.

About thirty minutes into the movie, I could feel his eyes fixed on me. I turned to look back at him, a brow raised. “What?”

“You know every single line.”

I felt my cheeks burn a little, shrugging it off as I nodded. Answering through a mouth full, “When we were little.. Veronica and I used to watch this movie whenever it was raining or we were sick. We’d get cozy in one of our rooms with snacks and blankets and we’d just like… imagine life being that simple. Doesn’t help that Johnny Castle is - to quote my sister, “Totally your kind of man.” “ I gave a sheepish laugh and took a handful of my fries, raking them through my milkshake.

Sweetpea rose to sit. Leaning in a little. Extending his arm and wiping his thumb over the corner of his mouth as he cleared his throat. “You had some milkshake…” before falling silent all over again. Staring at me for seconds that seemed to stretch infinitely. It  felt like everything fell away. All that remained was that thick tension. The flickering of the candles I’d lit earlier against the wall. The tension got to me. It had everything I wanted to say but couldn’t find the nerve threatening to come out.

“I don’t bite, ya know.” he muttered quietly. Pulling away a little. That look in his eyes again. 

It hit me. He honestly thought I disliked him. Or thought that I was better than him. Nothing could be further from the truth and realizing how he must have felt and what probably fuelled most of the comments and the arguments between us was the fact that he thought I viewed him as a lesser person somehow… that really got to me.

“I, uh.. I didn’t want to crowd you.” I managed to get the words out after a few seconds. Not daring to look at him. Desperate for a rewind button so maybe I could go back in time to when I first met him and salvage everything.

Desperate to tell him how I really felt.

Especially when I remembered what Veronica mentioned earlier about the way Josie just shut him out.

“Oh.”

The movie caught our attention again. After a minute or two of sitting poised right at the edge of the bed like I’d been and longing to really get comfortable, I settled in the sliver of space next to him. Trying not to think about the fact that the bed being as small as it was gave us literally no space and we were forced to touch.

Thirty minutes passed. Sweetpea sat up.

“ I think I get it now.” he muttered.

“Yeah?” I was getting lost in his eyes all over again.

“Mhm.” he affirmed. 

I sat up and so did he. “It’s cheesy as hell, but… I get it. Kinda know how the guy feels.” Sweetpea’s gaze settled on his hands and he chuckled to himself, the sound almost bitter.

“I’m sorry. I heard about you and Josie breaking up.”

“We didn’t. You can’t break up with someone if they never wanted to be with you to begin with.” Sweetpea answered. He tensed up a little and I sighed. Wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth.

That tension between him and I doubled.

In an attempt to make things just a little lighter, I slipped off the bed. Held out my hand.

Sweetpea eyed it warily. 

I insisted, “Oh come on, please? Just one dance. You did say we had to practice. And I dance, so I can definitely tell you that if we don’t at least somewhat connect, we’re going to be awkward and it’s going to look bad.”

Did I really just do that?

The scene where Baby goes to Johnny’s cabin and spends the night was just beginning and I swallowed hard as soon as I glanced back up at Sweetpea and realized that he was staring at the television in a daze. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“You want me to dance with you.. Like that. Okay.” Sweetpea towered over me. Closing the space between our bodies before I had a chance to back out of what I asked of him. His hands went straight to my hips. Holding my body in place against his as he chuckled, looking down at me. “You’re the one who wanted to dance, princess.”

“Yeah.” I managed to stammer. Breathless. Helpless thanks to the way his fingers dug into my hips and held me against him. But when they started to move up and down my sides, oh… I felt myself shiver at the touch. Melting against him on my own. I’d been trying my best not to give in and do that.

I trained my eyes on the front of his plaid shirt because I didn’t dare look up at him.

His leg slipped between mine and I bit my lip. Breath catching in my throat all over again as I rubbed myself against his thigh. My usual careful,guarded filter was gone.

All I cared about was doing whatever I could to show Sweetpea that what he thought I felt towards him wasn’t true.

His hands settled across my ass. Fingers digging in as he gasped quietly. A groan slipping out as he muttered in a daze, “You really are a good dancer, huh?”

“I, uh… I compete. My parents are huge on pushing my sister and I into competitive activities, whether we want it or not.” I babbled.

It must have bothered him that I wasn’t looking at him because he gripped my jaw, guiding my gaze up. “But you like dancing. I can tell.”

,, maybe it’s just dancing like this with you.” the thought came. I stopped just shy of actually letting it slip out. I sighed and smiled, nodding in agreement. Because that was so much easier than everything else I wanted to do or say. ,, besides,” my brain continued to taunt, “why on Earth is he going to want you when he could have literally anyone else?” and the thought had me pouting a little.

I didn’t think he was aware of it.

“What?” he asked. Tensing a little. Loosening his grip on my body just a little bit. Seeming as if he wanted to step away from me. Before I had the chance to talk myself out of it, I melted against him all over again. Raising my arms to slip them around his neck.

“Nothing.” I answered after a few seconds.

“You were pouting again. That’s kind of a thing you do when you’re upset, you’re not getting your way or you’re annoyed.”

The fact that he picked up on that had me raising a brow. Scoffing. About to argue that I didn’t pout all the time, but keeping quiet because I knew he was right.

But how -and when, had he noticed?

“Dreading the fact that I’m going to get up there on stage and see everyone watching and I will panic.” I muttered quietly because a half truth was better than the whole truth or a complete lie.

If I told him the real reason I’d been pouting, well.. That would’ve opened up a can of worms that I’m not sure about opening. God I want to. But if I just lay it all on the line…

I can’t.

Sweetpea raised a brow. He started to say something but he went quiet on me. Thinking.

“But you’re so loud.” he finally spoke up.

I pouted up at him, giving his chest a light smack. “I ought to step on your foot, sir.”

“Won’t hurt. Boots are steel toe.” Sweetpea smirked as he said it. Sticking his tongue out at me.

He dipped me and I hadn’t been expecting it. I gasped and he chuckled. “Not so bad at this dancing shit, hmm?” he questioned as he pulled me back up. His hands moved up and down my back before settling on my ass again. Squeezing when I rocked myself over his thigh just a little before I could stop myself because what he was doing was getting me worked up.

I sighed a little. Melting all over at the way he touched me and held me. Admitting with a quiet laugh, “You’re actually not. And I can teach you more..” trailing off and going quiet.

“You can, huh?”

His voice was this perfect mix of gravel and silk and I had to clench my thighs just a little. Found myself praying to whatever God might exist that I didn’t get too excited and leave a wet spot behind on his jeans. Because that would definitely seal the embarrassment and awkwardness factor. And I didn’t want that.

I was staring intently at his chest again when he tucked his fingers beneath my chin and tilted my head. “Careful what you say, princess. I might actually take you seriously.”

“I’m being serious. I don’t mind at all.” I babbled and instantly, I wanted to punch myself in the throat for it. This awkward version of myself wasn’t me but for whatever reason, Sweetpea seemed to bring it out. All my insecurities seemed to come rushing to the surface. Taunting me with the knowledge that there was no way he’d ever be interested in me beyond the convenience of a good screw. Knowing that even if he were, something would go wrong somehow.

He dipped me again. This time when he pulled me back up, our faces bumped against each other and when my mouth brushed against his, I couldn’t stop the quiet gasp that came. His fingers dug into my body just a little more and we were staring at each other.

Dazed.

“Pea?”

“What’s up, princess?” he muttered after a second or two. Blinking as if he were trying to focus.

“Nothing.” I muttered. Losing my nerve and my train of thought. Pushing down everything I’d been about to say all over again.

“ Why do you do that? Just say whatever it is you want to say.”

“Oh, I don’t think you want me to do that.” I muttered, mostly to myself. My gaze trained on anything and everything but his. He guided my face up and licked his lips, his eyes darting down. Settling on my mouth. “What if I do?” he muttered in response after a few seconds.

“Okay, fine. I was wondering what..” I trailed off. Frustrated. Laughing at myself and shaking my head. “Forget it. It’s stupid.”

“Tell me, woman. Damn.” his tone was firm and I swallowed hard as I looked up at him.

He was going to keep at it until I said something and right now, I was drawing a blank on any other convenient things I could say that were less controversial than what I’d stopped myself from saying.

,, maybe if you say it, he’ll know that you don’t hate him.” the thought came.

I took a deep breath. Shaky.

“I was wondering what your kiss feels like.” I muttered, my voice dropping so low that for a second, I didn’t think he heard me.

His jaw dropped. One hand left my ass and raised. Dragging through thick dark hair as he tugged. His mouth opening and closing.

“What? You kept asking… I.. You don’t have to. I didn’t want to make it weird.” I babbled nervously. When he started to chuckle, I looked up at him with a brow raised. “Gee, thanks.” I pouted.

Stepping away. Because if I didn’t put some distance between us right then, I was going to keep digging the hole deeper.

He reached out and grabbed me by the hips, pulling me against him all over again. Rocking himself into me clumsily. His face inching closer and closer to my own. Our mouths were on a collision course and neither of us bothered to stop it from happening. His lips settled against the corner of my mouth clumsily. His tongue traced the outline of my lips and I shivered and melted against him like I’d been before. Clinging. My arms around his neck again. Fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck before settling my hand across to rest and pull his mouth back against mine.

My lips parted, granting him access. His tongue slipped past my lips and he melted into me this time. Deepening the kiss. Using his grip on my ass to pull me up his body slightly. I sighed as the kiss broke, my tongue rolling over kiss swollen lips. Staring at him as I tried to wrap my head around what just happened.

How badly I wanted it to happen again.

“Well?”

I bit my lip. Trying to formulate words. Anything. My brain must have short-circuited because I came up with nothing, despite all the opening and closing of my mouth as I attempted to answer.

I’m not sure what possessed me to do it or why I thought it was a good idea, but I was grabbing hold of the back of his neck. Pulling his mouth back against mine greedily. Taking total control of the kiss this time around. Making him chuckle into the kiss. 

As we pulled apart to breathe, he repeated his question.

“Better than my wildest dreams.” I blurted out quietly.

“So you dream about kissing me?” he asked, tucking his fingers beneath my chin so that I couldn’t do what I tended to when a subject got to be too uncomfortable for me… I swallowed hard and admitted in a hushed tone, “Among other things.”

He growled out the word “Fuck.” and pulled me up his body completely. Deepening the kiss to a point where I almost forgot to breathe a time or two. I could feel myself getting light-headed. The kiss broke and we pulled apart, breathing heavily. I melted against him, dazed. Still trying to get my head around the turn the night had taken.

“It’s getting late, princess.”

“It is.”

“I should probably get you home.”

I pouted a little. Holding onto him just a little tighter. “Unfortunately.” I muttered.

He scooped me off the table and carried me out of the bunker. Sitting me on the back of his motorcycle. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against his back, the Serpent patch scratching at my skin a little.

The drive back to the Pembrooke took almost no time and as soon as his motorcycle stopped at the curb, I pouted a little. Rolling my eyes at the literal ivory tower.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I asked as I slipped off the back of his motorcycle.

 He grabbed hold of my hips, pulling me against him. Leaning down and stealing another deep kiss. “Mhm. Definitely, princess.”

I practically floated up the stairs leading into the lobby of the building. And I leaned against the wall, waiting on the elevator. Trying to pull myself together. Smiling like an idiot.

[goldentournesol]

All You Had to Do Was Ask

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

Drabble, but not really :D

“Hey. Could you do a Spencer request where reader, him and the team are at readers flat getting drunk after a tough case, and whilst she's getting the pizza at the door, the team nudge him to ask reader on a date as he won't shut up about her, as they are best friends & he loves her and how much he fancies her on their way to her apartment. Reader keeps her feelings well hidden, and Spencer, well doesn't until tonight hehhehheehehehhehehehe”

masterlist

“Okay, my place. We’re getting drunk and we’re eating lots of pizza. Who’s in?” Y/N announced as soon as her feet touched the ground after coming off the jet.

“Ooo! I’m in!” Emily raised her hand quickly.

“Yes, me too! Need something greasy after that case.” JJ quickly agreed.

“What’s all this talk about getting drunk?” Derek asked curiously.

“We’re going to Y/N’s place to eat pizza and get drunk, Morgan.” Emily said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “Are you in?”

“Hell yeah! I’m not turning down free pizza.” Morgan teased.

“Oh what, just because it’s my place, I have to pay for the pizza?” Y/N teased, even though she was ready to fight anyone if they tried to pay.

“Rules are rules, babygirl. Kid, you in?” Morgan looked towards Spencer. Spencer hesitated momentarily but decided that he would rather be around Y/N than be alone, no matter the extra company.

“Uhh, sure. I didn’t have any plans anyway.” Spencer shrugged and Y/N’s heart involuntarily skipped a beat.

“Great! JJ and Em can ride with me, we’ll meet you guys there after you pick up Penny.” She said, texting her immediately to let her know. Hotch and Rossi both politely declined.

The three ladies got into Y/N’s car and drove off. Morgan slapped Spencer on his shoulder before getting into his car.

“Man, you’d do anything she asked of you, huh?” Morgan asked, thick brows raised at his friend.

Spencer just rolled his eyes, “Oh shut up.” He knew Morgan was right, though.

The entire BAU knew about his affections for Y/N, except her. Although everyone had their suspicions, she’d never expressed her romantic feelings towards Spencer--or towards anyone to be honest. She preferred keeping her love life and work separate, until she met Spencer Reid. He kept weaseling his way into her mind no matter how hard she tried to fight it. Even though she’d done her best to hide her feelings from the outside world, she knew just how much she loved the young doctor. But their friendship was too precious to take that risk.

“Hey, babygirl!” Morgan greeted Garcia as she took a seat in the back, dramatically gasping.

“Boy wonder?! Coming with us to get drunk?! I never thought I’d see the day! It’s just cause you wanna be around Y/N, isn’t it?” Garcia gushed teasingly.

“Guys, seriously, stop. She’s my best friend, nothing more.” Spencer rushed, his cheeks heating up.

“Reid, it’s painfully obvious that you like her. Just go for it, what do you have to lose?” Derek’s tone shifted suddenly.

“Uhh, I’d lose my best friend?!” Spencer countered incredulously.

“No you won’t. You won’t lose anything, you’ll only gain a lover!” Garcia said excitedly, a certain dreamy quality in her tone.

“Besides, I don’t even know if she feels the same way.” Spencer hoped to end the conversation soon.

“You’ll never know until you ask.” Morgan said, already parking at her apartment. He’d probably take a cab home and get his car the next morning.

Y/N had just ordered the pizza while Emily and JJ had already started drinking.

“Hi!” Garcia exclaimed as she squeezed Y/N at the door.

“Hi Pen! Took you guys long enough, I just ordered the pizza, it should be here soon.” She let them all in, her hand squeezing Spencer’s shoulder as a simple greeting as he passed by her to enter the apartment. He smiled down at her fondly. He’d been to her apartment countless times. She’d often make him stay over if he was too tired to go back to his place, since her apartment was closer to headquarters and all. He never minded. Morgan and Garcia quickly joined JJ and Emily on the couch.

“You alright?” Y/N looked up to Spencer worriedly, seeing as his face was flushed. Her hand traveled its way down his arm into his hand and gave it a squeeze. It wasn’t new for them, but Spencer lost his words every time she did it, so he just nodded. He discarded his blazer and bag by the door and joined the rest of the team. Morgan and Garcia were in the middle of reenacting a funny encounter between them. JJ, Emily, and Y/N laughing as they held their wine glasses close to their chests. 

It was nice to see them all so carefree, but Spencer’s gaze was stuck on Y/N. The wine gave her skin a pretty flush. The soft lights in her apartment gave her eyes a twinkle. The sound of the doorbell chiming was the only thing to rip him from his reverie. He blushed as he realized he was staring.

“Oh! That must be the pizza! I’ll be right back.” Spencer watched as Y/N bounced off the couch and made her way to the door.

“Dude! You’ve gotta shoot your shot already!” Morgan whispered as he shoved Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer cast a worried look at the door to make sure she was out of earshot.

“Yes! You should definitely go for it! You’ve been making heart eyes at her since you got here!” JJ pointed out in a hushed tone. Spencer violently shook his head, the fear of rejection consuming him.

“Spence! You’re a total catch, just ask her out on a simple date, you don’t have to confess your undying love for her.” Emily added.

“Shut up, shut up.” Spencer shushed as Y/N came back with the food. He stared at her and decided that he would make a move tonight. 

Time moved much slower than he remembered, but that was probably only because he was nervous. Slowly, but surely, the party died down. JJ and Emily were sharing the guestroom. Morgan and Garcia split a cab home. Now it was just the two of them. Nothing new. Nothing to worry about.

They settled on the couch like they normally do when they binge watched movies together. Y/N had her head rested on Spencer’s shoulder and her arms were wrapped tightly around one of his, except there was no movie on. Y/N wasn’t totally drunk, but he could tell she was a little buzzed. They sat in silence, just enjoying each other’s company but Spencer’s heart was ready to leap out of his chest at any given moment. He sensed that she was about to fall asleep, but it was now or never.

“Y/N?” He said softly. She hummed softly in response.

“What would you say if I asked you out on a date?” He pursed his lips.

“Ask me and you’ll find out.” She mumbled into his shoulder.

“Wait, really?” He shifted in an attempt to find her eyes. She smiled and shrugged with a faint nod.

“So...would you...I mean...do you want to...you know, go to date with me--no, that wasn’t right. I mean go on a date with me?” He stammered nervously which made a giggle bubble in her throat.

“Yes, Spencer, I would love to ‘go to date with you’.” She teased, “All you had to do was ask.” She grinned and he literally let out a breath of relief.

“Well, that was way easier than I expected.” He laughed.

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 68 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch gets Rolo to Za Warudo Suzaku so he can talk to Nunally for a bit before pretending he doesn’t know her. Then they decide to go hijack Nunally’s airship and “rescue” her before she can become the new viceroy. Kallen gets a flying upgrade to the Guren that matches Suzaku’s “Lancelot but with bigger gun” model and now she can fly too which is enough to take out all of Britannia’s airforce apparently. Still Nunally sees Zero!Lelouch and is like “you’re running around murdering people, that’s not cool” and Lelouch is like “I’m murdering people for you damnit” and turns out Nunally asked to go become viceroy so she can continue Euphy’s “Let’s just all get along” plan which was basically pacification by the higher ups anyway so it’s not like she’s NOT being used but she at least has the illusion of agency and Nunally rejecting Zero kind of breaks Lelouch. Also Suzaku flies in and adbucts Nunally and instead of moving the Lancelot’s arm like one foot and fucking punting Zero into a wall to end this whole thing once and for all, he uses the safety triangle go save Nunally.

Inuyasha: It’s filler time again! This time we do have an admittedly adorable version of Inuyasha being duped into household chores for Totosai while taking care of a young lynx demon that reminds him of Shippo, being nicer to Bunza than he ever was to Shippo for some reason. Still Inuyasha breaks the Mantis Demon (it’s always Mantis Demons wtf) barrier and saves the day before Totosai has to come clean and we get way to much information about his hygiene habits but Inuyasha finally gets the real lead on how to break barriers because the Tessaiga is a swiss army knife of stolen techniques.

Yu Yu Hakusho: We’re up to the third Saint Beast and Hiei is not about to stand for some Ice asshole killing someone for being weak which taps into his tragic backstory gland and leaves everyone else puzzled as to why the most stoic person of their group is so triggered by betrayal he definitely would have done himself. Seiryu and Hiei do the ice tango for a bit before Hiei does ninja shit and no-sells the ice to slash him up like it’s nothing. Meanwhile Suzaku gets his info and is like “Oh boy, Yusuke has a childhood friend to exploit” like all the other villains find out sooner or later. Despite the stupid name he gives the song and the corny one-liners from the zombie teachers chasing Keiko, hearing the haunting melody of the Makai Whistle/Flute (seriously that’s not a whistle it’s a fucking flute) while seeing Keiko go about her day before being hunted down by zombies is pretty striking.

Fate Zero: So Kirei’s like “Oh no, Gilgamesh killed my only servant, better hide out in the church till this is all over” only to have like 39 other servants to fuck around with that are gonna try and get some stealth kills based on the fact no one knows they exist. Also Iskander is walking around Waver’s place in booty shorts trying to reenact Citizen Kang on President Clin-ton and fetishizing bombers and jets. Kiritsugu’s got his guns and shit, ready to do his Homura thing but is worried about having feels now and being a dad may make him only able to kill 999 people without breaking a sweat instead of the full 1000. And lastly we catch up with Saber and Iris who definitely knows she’s being thrown into this to die as Saber’s fake master so Saber takes her out for a night on the town to enjoy herself and possibly question her sexuality. Doesn’t last too long though as their lesbian outing is interrupted by Lancer, seems like the Lancers are just the starter bosses in Fate for some reason since UBW started with a Lancer fight too.

Konosuba: So the last member of Kazuma’s party is revealed, Darkness the Masochist Saber has arrived. I mean I really don’t know what to say about these bits because everyone already knows the premise of Konosuba and going too much into it is probably just explaining the joke. Kazuma gets his steal ability and can only steal panties because his luck is so good and haha irony. Cabbage hunting also happens and Darkness has the Dead or Alive 2 jiggle physics on her tits turned up to Age 102 (god I’m dating myself with that reference). But it’s funny, Kazuma doesn’t seem happy about it but everyone’s just kinda having a good time fucking around and being insane. Like I get the joke is none of this is practically useful but I kinda wish Kazuma would stop being such a wet blanket and just enjoy being friends with everybody while he can, the girls seem to get along well enough together and they even give him praise when he does cool stuff, like really this just seems like a pretty positive (if insane) friend group and I wish he was more down for it.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So our third Sailor Guardian is a priestess fresh off of preparing for the Cotton Drifting festival (wait, wrong anime, thank goodness, Usagi just plain would not survive Higurashi). But I love how Ami convinces Usagi to go with her just by saying there’s a pretty girl there, like it’s so ridiculously gay and Usagi’s just all for it. Rei’s probably the most complicated character so far and gives the most thought to why she’s doing this out of the first three, like Rei literally asks Usagi what she’s fighting for and she badly mangles a Spider-man quote. That being said we’re starting to see that group dynamic come together which is fun and other than weird teleportation shenanigans and teleporting right into the boss’s lair and then just leaving making me scratch my head, this was a fun episode.

Durarara!!: This episode kind of reminds me of a pre-school cartoon show, but in a good way. Like they just pick a theme, in this case “lost things” and have all the characters have a small plot around that and kinda navelgaze on it for a while. Obviously the main plot is Celty’s continuing existential crisis over losing her head and Shinra’s insistence that she doesn’t need it despite him being tied to the pharmaceuticals company that almost certainly has it and he probably knows where it is at this point. It’s an interesting philosophical point that the show keeps bringing up, that Celty has made a life in Ikebukuro and the real disembodied head was the friends she made along the way. In other anime that would probably be the answer but it’s more complicated than that because Celty does feel incomplete without it, hundreds of years of her life and something deeply personal to her is just missing. Shinra’s terrified that the person she’ll become once she’s “complete” won’t be the same woman he loves and will leave him behind and Celty wants to balance enjoying the time she has spent in this town with being complete in a metaphysical sense. She should be able to take solace in the life she’s made but you also understand her yearning and that makes some really good moral quandaries right there.

[9w1ft]

feels a little early to be writing a year-in review but i find myself in a quiet moment so i thought i’d tap a few things out

in 2019, in all facets of my life, i faced a challenge of some sort and i surprised myself as i held my ground more often than ran away, which felt new. what *also* felt new was this sense of ease i began having professionally, when it came to conceptualizing and making decisions. sorta feels like a lot of things are crystallizing.

in terms of life on here, i didn’t have TSL for the majority of the year (anybody out there remember TSL?!) so i busied myself with crafting fun memories on my own. there were spans of weeks where i’d just get on a tear and run into one new thing after the other and it was all really just fantastic. i gave myself permission to indulge in the most decadent of things and to follow the most mercurial of assumptions to places i thought closed off.

i’m pretty sure i’ve smiled and laughed more over this year than i ever have in my entire life. no joke.

here are some kaylorverse moments that brought me joy in 2019:

it’s nice to have a friend

2018 was my first year being a kaylor and i just sort of was moreover on the contributor or commenter side of things so 2019 was interesting in that when taylor really leaned into the gay imagery leading up to album release, i started getting newer people sending me stuff! and asking me my takes on things! and like, my words suddenly had weight for some reason? it felt weird but i truly enjoyed getting to talk with so many different people and hear their ideas and laugh and such. that was markedly different from last year. from within this, 79-swift reached out to me with the eye theory, the most beautiful and rare of observations by a singularly lovely individual that i have dedicated my life to protecting and promoting. and i feel like i’ve gotten to know many people i knew through 2018 more deeply and have come to accept the role i play, lean in to it, and formulate my own truth of the matter, and that sort of heightened perspective on it has been a blessing and i’m so thankful for this strange sense of camaraderie that has formed with many of you? thank you??? and my conviction, and my wishes, for the girls to find happiness have only strengthened this year... im committed to seeing this through whether people like it or not!! harumph!

block ‘em

i also started proactively curating my experience.. that’s right! i began blocking trolls with reckless abandon, and i turned anons off! 😂 and damn it’s so much more worthwhile of a time on here when you set aside people that only want to ruin your day.

i got over my fear of eyeballs!!

😂 no seriously, body horror and in particular eyes out of context was actually sort of a thing that previously creeped me out BUT LOOK AT ME NOW. i’m gonna do my best not to rehash the eye theory, please read the post and recall the number of times i filipped out 😂 each and every one is precious to me

also

geeking out with bert and ernie gifs with kaylorfossil and making empsmd-blog drop her debit card need a mention.

the ME! music playlist.

i fell in love with so many songs and like, running into eye motifs in so many of the songs, lyrically and visually, was the most hilarious thing. but really just a lot of the songs really tapped at my soul with an ice pick and i even went to go see The Japanese House live in Osaka which was transcendental and i’m just so thankful for having taylor introduce Good At Falling to me because it was a *necessary* album.

i made and collected stuff

i made and amassed many artifacts that one day i can look back on and remember what a wild ride it has been. some favorites are my procuring of the pixel art heart ring from the ME! mv (a nod to my tsl days..), as well as the evil eye ring.. i didn’t physically make this but the eye theory made the taydar podcast and there’s nothing i enjoy more in this world than making someone giggle and i just love that the episode exists. making that kaylor straw was 👌 working on a mock-up of the golden locket has been very satisfying. i started incorporating fun kaylor winks into my artwork as well which was fun, and i also commissioned a collage from the very talented and lovely valheria and i couldn’t have asked for anything better 🥰

wildin in the TS7 tag was the best.

i made this observation that there’s this type of cocoon that looks like a cobra, which transforms into a butterfly over a period of 13 days, and like, the post got so many notes and i just had a lot of swiftie eyeballs all of a sudden on my blog which led to some hilarity. but honestly i just love geeking out over theories and it’s fun to get to do that as fans of taylor at large. things felt warm and effervescent.

my newspaper subscription

i subscribe to the TTB Times and let me just say the submissions and anons this year were overwhelmingly a delight to read through every day. also like, we did get cued in to stuff before album release and i am just thankful that there are people out there both who want to give us that and people who work to help them give us that. thank you ttb for moderating your blog (my newspaper of choice) however it is that you do and to everyone that contributed to her blog.

the whole lead up to the ME! video release

so glorious... but particular the hour before. i was rushing to pick up my kid from school and suddenly i kept getting messages from people that taylor was covering her face and framing her eyes, and i was like oh please yeah sure BUT THEN when the snake in the video had a blank eye like i don’t think you guys understand i had to wait at a bus stop and exchange pleasantries with the other moms but it was a *five alarm fire* in my mind

cause shade never made anybody less gay

stealing away to listen to YNTCD for the first time and hearing Taylor Alison Swift use the word gay in a released song for the first time was a transcendental moment

karlie’s hand in the YNTCD mv.

‘nuff said

daisies. daisies everywhere.

taylor said daisy kaylor rights, and she said it everywhere. *everywhere*. cannot, will not, get over how blessed we are.

gay gay gay gay gay.... taylor’s

sorry not sorry that wiz khalifa collab with elohim on her track FYM was ethereal and i still hope it’s a part of the preshow playlist for Lover Fest

clue hunting in klossy videos and karlie ads

call me a corporate shill all you want like, there’s always a little something in there and i also enjoy the little flickers of goofy karlie that jump out from time to time. and i know this is not the case for everyone but post eyepocalypse, karlie leaning in, winking that eye of hers time and time again was just pique comedy for me and it always made me chuckle. the brands karlie has repped have been really laying it on thick too and it’s been a joy to see. when taylor does it with her music it’s art, and for me karlie’s media presence is a form of art too 😌

oh kaptain my kaptain

kimby liked a comment of mine on her insta which was a distinct honor and privilege 😌 and really she was dropping clues left and right through spring up until she got her snazzy new job and things calmed down 🥰 of which i am so proud talk about an on brand job! also partially clearing the air about my TSL theory and the lead up to clearing that air was quite fulfilling for me and i am forever grateful for the time we shared. and to this point, the seesters in general (and kurt omg) have been quite active all year and we don’t deserve it but they’ve stuck around and it’s been calming.

album cover art release on the livestream

LIKE I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE NEVER HAD A FOURTH WALL BROKEN SO DULY

i love you forever, thank you for everything

when taylor came to visit tokyo this year i was basically reenacting the swamp scene from OOTW trying to get a ticket to the secret event... i listened to ME! on LINE MUSIC for over 2000 plays, i bought multiple CD’s, it was such an ordeal and then to not have a ticket after all but still putting on my thinking cap and managing to figure out where the event was while i was at disney sea and literally running from disney sea to the venue in high heels with The Man playing on my phone was oscar-worthy and actually *being correct* and the moment i knew i was correct and how i knew i was correct was so amazing 😉 and i play by the rules so i didn’t try to get in without a ticket and i didn’t lurk. but just to have figured it out and validated it was such a thrill. seeing her on TV live was amazing as well ///

lost in japan, reprise

oh and, last year for rep tour there was this theory i had which didn’t pan out but it had to do with the clues i thought shawn mendes was dropping through autumn 2018 and anyway that’s a story for another day but as i was bopping around town, looking for lockets, staying in rooms i have no business being in, drinking lots of whisky...just to know that while i was doing *everything but* successfully meeting taylor, she literally phoned shawn and had him record lines for that eye theory remix like, i will never ever, like, guys. guys. 😂 it’s too perfect for words. the world is weird like that sometimes.

Lover

and omg Lover the album? i absolutely love lover and i loves that honeymoon period of theorizing and parallel unearthing that we did and i love how slightly creepy-cute it is and i love the whole wabi-sabi thing going on and i absolutely love every song on the album, every one, they all have so much meaning to me... and each one is teeming with little blips and bloops and sound samples and seconds of silence and i love all the brass instruments and so many lush moments... i guess my shortlist (in no particular order) would be the archer, lover, i think he knows, daylight, cruel summer, false god, cornelia street, ME! (yea i really like me 🥰). and to think about everything that went in to the album and the thrill of what it might have been and the vastness of what we don’t know, but like, the weight of that potential?? it’s like this vast pastel and black abyss of drowsy and deep feelings and i love every inch of it. it’s a vibe that reflects so much of what this year has been for me and i’m happy to have existed in this time to have had it with me.

jesus this has gotten too long, and i still have like 24 more things to write out but um, basically, as i’m sure you’ve been able to assume? i wanted to say that despite 2019 being somewhat of a slasher film affair for our fandom, i still had a goddamn great time this year and i hope everyone can find some good memories and relive them as well 🥰

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Catradora are both tops and Catra is a dom, change my mind

(Actually, don’t change my mind. I’m not writing this to cause drama, I’m writing this because Catradora sexual discourse is frustrating me and I want basically a masterpost to link back to whenever I need to explain my apparently controversial views on this shit. Hopefully some other people will also find that it speaks to/for them and be able to use it for the same purpose. Please don’t troll me, I’m but a simple girl who needs to be understood. I am, however, totally open to respectful debate. :)

Okay, I’d like to take some time here to follow up on my previous posts about how Catra and Adora are both vers-tops and Catra is so not a sub. I feel a little silly writing a long meta about the sexual dynamics of a femslash ship in a cartoon aimed at kids and teens, but there’s reason for it. For some reason, lots of fics write one or both of them in ways that feel extremely out of character, perhaps to make them fit the mold for a particular kink or sexual trope. And people will write what “works” for them ugh, and I’m not kinkshaming on principle, but some of it feels extremely disrespectful to the characters. Particularly Catra, given her backstory and struggles so far in the series, and I find this rather troubling.

And unfortunately, some of these things that are written to fit some sexual trope have ended up entering the more general discourse and morphing the fanon interpretation of the characters into something urecognizable, something that would make the canon characters mad if they read it. That’s another big reason why I’m bothering to write all this.

Let’s start with a clarification: when I said Catradora are both tops, I meant they would fight each other for control of an encounter and that’s totally fine and we don’t need to make hard statements about who is the top because it comes naturally to both of them. But I didn’t mean they would necessarily want control for the same reasons or that they are interchangeable in the sack. IMO, Catra is a dominant vers-top and Adora is the definition of a service top (but also versatile if that’s what works for her partner). These may be unpopular opinions (honestly why?), but I am fully prepared to back them up. *cracks knuckles*

I’m going to explain my biggest point first and then put a bunch of additional thoughts under the cut. That point being we need to consider Catra and Adora’s relationships with power.

Here’s the thing. For Catra, power is safety, power is an accomplishment she is proud of. She has fought/longed her whole life to be taken seriously. She has always felt disrespected and like she lacked agency (both of which are true, actually), so feeling respected and in control is very important to her.

This is especially true of her relationship with Adora, as she feels like Adora has been controlling her for most of their lives and doesn’t respect her. She resents that Adora has been in the “power position” for ages and is actively trying to change that.

Didn’t anybody else see how she got off on those guards standing at attention as she walked by in 2x01, and how tickled she was standing on top of Dryl in 2x02, overlooking her troops taking it over? Catra gets off on power, why would she not also literally get off on it?

To Catra, giving up power would feel like a failure.

For Adora, power is a burden. Yes she is an absolute control freak, but that’s because she feels like she needs to control everything because if anything goes wrong it’s all her fault. Shadow Weaver instilled this idea in her when she was very young, the way she was groomed to be a leader in the Horde reinforced it, and now being She-Ra has made that feeling inescapable for her.

I’ve seen people use the “person who has a lot of power irl wants to give it up in the sack” concept to explain why they see Catra as a sub, but imo it works way better for Adora because she has always been saddled with power, even when she didn’t want it. I will get into this more under the cut, but we have seen Adora resenting and struggling with all her responsibilities on multiple occasions.

To Adora, giving up power would feel like a relief (once she got past the mental block of needing to control everything).

(This isn’t all to say that Catra would be running shit 100% of this time, I do actually think both are somewhat versatile in terms of top/bottom and dom/sub classification. I’m just making a hard case in this direction because I think they lean this way and because so many people seem weirdly convinced that Adora would 100% dominate Catra all the time and it’s weird and a little offensive.)

Now, let’s move on to my additional thoughts! The tl;dr of it all is: brattiness =/= submissiveness (quite the opposite, in fact), why the hell would an abuse survivor want to relive her trauma, this master/pet nonsense is racist af, Adora is not a starfish wtf, and Adora is a good little soldier who likes following orders.

(Plus new bonus content: Catra’s love and protection of Adora signals she’s a top, not just a dom.)

(A quick sidebar on semantics: I find the definition of “top” to be a little weird with wlw couples because we stole top/bottom from mlms but it doesn’t work the same way. We don’t always use strap-ons and when we do it’s not uncommon for both partners to use it on each other. So when I say top I might be referring to use of a strap-on or penetration in general, but more often I use it the way straight people do, literally referring to who is on top/who wants to be on top. [And for Catradora I really do think that’s both of them, though perhaps for somewhat different reasons.] Meanwhile, when I say dominant/submissive I mean who is running shit/in charge vs. who is pliable to their partner’s whims/willing to give up control. I don’t necessarily mean anything to do with BDSM, and I will say so if that is what I am referring to. So, hopefully the way I am using those two terms makes sense.)

Let’s start by clearing something up in regards to Catra: Brattiness does not equal submissiveness. This is a common misconception because yes, some submissive types will use brattiness to goad their partners into aggression. However, brattiness is first and foremost a defense mechanism. Brats are usually people who lack power and make up for it by acting out. It’s a way to feel like you have some power by resisting the unfavorable dynamic and/or causing the other person to lose control while you keep it together (causing a feeling of superiority/satisfaction that you caused that reaction). Why do you think so many youngest children are bratty? It’s the only way we can feel like anything but the omega of our family. Despite being about the same age, Catra basically feels like the younger sibling to the favored and overachieving Adora. Don’t you think she’d love to take her down a peg?

Yes, bratty behavior is meant to provoke a reaction, but it’s often an attempt to gain power, not lose it. Unfortunately, kinky stereotypes have caused this misconception that bratty characters must be subs looking to be dominated (and/or punished if into the BDSM stuff) or bottoms looking to be aggressively topped. Even if that is sometimes the case in the bedroom, we haven’t and will never see how Catradora interact in the bedroom, and people don’t always act the same in those situations as they do out in the world.

Sticking with Catra for now, I gotta say, anything that makes her a BDSM-type sub feels really problematic to me. Catra is an abuse survivor, and putting her in situations where she would be basically reliving her trauma (especially if they don’t take the care to establish the reasons for this behavior in a way that feels organic to the character) is extremely disrespectful. We’ve seen Shadow Weaver restrain Catra with magic and take control of her body, and it’s heavily implied by Catra’s behavior that Shadow Weaver has beaten her in the past. She is constantly struggling to get out from under Shadow Weaver’s thumb, why would she then want to go submit to someone else, especially in a way that would reenact this trauma? (Again, this is especially true of her relationship with Adora, considering that she feels like Adora has been dominating and controlling her for most of their lives and she heavily resents this dynamic.)

Then there’s all the racist implications of Catra in restraints, especially collars. First of all, cats usually hate collars and Catra in particular would hate it. She doesn’t want anyone to take control of her, Shadow Weaver’s done that enough for a lifetime. Then there’s the really gross implication that people want to domesticate Catra. Master/pet scenarios are a little fucked up when the “pet” character is a hybrid of a common house pet. Like, yikes. If you can do enough character work to make me believe she’d be into that, maybe we can talk. But, can’t anyone else see why this is kinda fucked up?

All this sub/bottom Catra stuff really makes no sense to me, and I can’t help but agree with the posts about how Catra is a top but the fandom likes to write her as a bottom because they ID with her and want She-Ra to top them. Like, Catra is her own character, not an empty vessel you get to mess with to self-insert into a sex scene with a buff goddess.

That being said, I do respect the power bottom Catra headcanon even if I don’t agree with it, if for no other reason than Adora is a total service top so her slotting into that role makes some amount of sense. My issue is more with the idea that Catra is inherently a total bottom (as opposed to her fitting in where she does with Adora) and with the dom/sub stuff in general. Because yeah, no.

Look, cats are like the least submissive creature on this planet, and Catra is one of the least submissive characters on the show. Adora, meanwhile, is basically a big puppy dog. If you have a dog and a cat together, which one ends up being submissive? Like, honestly.

On that note, let’s move on to Adora.

As I said above, Adora is the very definition of a service top. Adora is, as Catra said in 1x01, a people pleaser. She wants to please the people around her, both by making them happy and by making them proud/living up to their expectations. She’s also the type of person who tends to go for what she wants, tackle her problems head on. I honestly can’t imagine a situation where Adora would not be focused first and foremost on giving her partner pleasure, whether that means taking charge and fucking them with a strap-on or letting them ride her face until she suffocates. Or even if it means letting them have their way with her, as long as she can reciprocate and make them feel as good as they made her feel (hopefully better, because she’s super competitive).

Here, we run into another problem. I’ve seen Adora written multiple times as a melty starfish who lets Catra top her and doesn’t try very hard (if at all) to return the favor when Catra blows her mind. Maybe she whines a little about wanting to do stuff to Catra if she initially turns it down, but she doesn’t try to take control. Like, please. Do you seriously think Adora would stand for that shit? Canon Adora would get so huffy if Catra tried to turn it down, because Adora needs to prove her prowess and please the people closest to her. I’m not advocating for dubcon here or saying we should write that, just that based on Adora’s personality she would at least try. Adora is not a pillow princess, and certainly not a starfish. Like, that should be obvious.

However, I do see Adora as someone who could easily end up being more submissive in the bedroom. She wouldn’t necessarily be at first because she is so used to being in charge, but once she experienced that loss of control I think she would enjoy it. Here is where that “person who has a lot of power irl wants to give it up in the sack” idea comes back. I already went into this earlier, how power is a burden for her and letting someone else take charge would be a relief for her.

Fact is, this is already canon. Adora likes following orders. Madame Razz literally called her out in 1x03 for how she wants other people to tell her what to think and do. She was constantly striving to please Shadow Weaver, to carry out her orders and be a good soldier, and she never gave much thought to whether these were the right things to do until the truth smacked her in the face. She was happy to be promoted to Force Captain, but to me that read as her being pleased at the validation/recognition for her good work more than the power the promotion gave her (whereas for Catra, it was obviously both). When she moved to Bright Moon, she suddenly had this burning need to prove herself to Queen Angella. She craves approval from authority figures, and while Catra does too, Adora seems to have this very deep intrinsic need to be valued and appreciated for her service.

Like I said, a total service top. But she is a top. So is Catra. As I said in my first post about this, that is part of what’s fun about this ship. Let them playfully fight for control. We don’t have to assign these roles so rigidly, the only reason I’m making a hard case for dominant Catra is to counteract the common discourse/fanfic tropes for these two. Tbh I don’t even think they’d be very kinky, their lives are crazy enough and I think they’d just enjoy the comfort and intimacy and fun of vanilla-ish sex, once they got past all their hangups and reconciled. Catra likes her power, but once she got comfortable enough with Adora again she would be able to let go of that at times and I think it would be freeing for her.

Okay that’s about it for this ridiculous rant, but I hope I’ve given you all something to think about. Please try to consider the characters’ histories and personalities when writing sexy fanfic or remarking on the sexual power dynamics between these two. That stuff is so much better anyway when it actually feels true to the characters and shows respect for them.

ETA: I foolishly did not think to include this in the post initially, but Catra’s history of protecting and caring for Adora in the small ways that she can suggests she’s a top, not just a dom. It’s worth noting that she feels like a top-type personality forced into a role not suited for her, i.e. a role where she feels weak and dependent on her partner. I’m not gonna go into all the details here because this is a whole other meta I’ve written since, but you can find all that in this post. (I have since edited it into a PG version to address the non-nsfw aspects of what I was trying to say, but the original is still there.)

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Is it okay that I dont see my boyfriend during this pandemic? He asks me to come over but I don't think it's the best idea to, because it's advised we isolate and my job (that I have to go to because we haven't shut down) is high risk because I'm a cleaner at a venue so I see multiple different people and clean up gross things everyday, but he says that because I can go out to work then I can go out and see him. I dont want to hurt his feelings but I dont think he's seeing the big picture

There really isn’t precedent for this sort of thing. So suffice it for me to say, but you should probably follow the laws. The county I live near just went on mandatory shelter-in-place, which generally means going out for any reason at all. If you’re in an area where that’s happening, just make sure you’re following the rules and regulations outlined by your local officials. Last thing you want is to go to meet your boyfriend and get a citation for breaking travel restrictions. 

But let’s say that you’re not sheltering-in-place. Should you still see your partner? 

I think that really comes down to preference. A cleaner isn’t inherently a high-risk job; the level of risk rises with the amount of people you’re meeting with, not just because you’re interacting with gross stuff. As long as you’re cleaning with appropriate attire on and not licking doorknobs and stuff, you will probably be fine on the front of getting sick, and seeing your partner won’t be that big of a deal. 

The thing to take into account, however, is that Coronavirus is INCREDIBLY easy to transmit. And moreover, people can be asymptomatic for a very long time, and may not show any severe symptoms at all. This means that if you’re infected, but don’t realize it, you could be a risk to essentially everyone around you. How likely is that to actually happen? Again, depends on the generalized risk, depending on way too many factors. 

It also needs to be reminded that young people are not immune to Coronavirus. Just because older folks are at the highest risk doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t. Even if most of us just weather the virus and get on it, there are new figures rising that say young people who do get sick can get severely ill. Quoted from here:

But of the 508 patients known to have been hospitalized, 38 percent were notably younger — between 20 and 54. And nearly half of the 121 patients who were admitted to intensive care units were adults under 65, the C.D.C. reported. 

Nobody wants to get sick with this. And your boyfriend may not be taking it seriously, but it is serious. At the same time, humans need connection, and it’s perfectly natural to want to see the people that care about you. You just have to go into doing such things with the full acceptance that something bad might happen, and decide whether that risk is worth it for you. 

________

As a final note for this, because I’m sure there are many reading this who are in a similar position of wanting to see their loved ones, but are not sure what to do. I’m just going to assume that all of us are dumb monkeys with smartphones, because that’s what we are, and we’re very frequently going to make very stupid decisions in our own self-interest. 

Thus, if you’re considering or planning to visit your romantic partner while self-isolating, here is a quick rundown of things to take into account.  

First, when should you NOT see your partner? 

Are you around sick people? This applies especially to anyone working in a hospital, grocery store, or with other essential services. You’re around a lot of people. Just don’t do it.

Are you feeling under the weather? It doesn’t matter if it’s the cold, a simple cough, the flu, or actual coronavirus. If you’re not feeling well, STAY HOME. 

Have you been to a high risk area recently? This includes anywhere that a lot of people were. The beach, Disneyworld, foreign country, concert. Doesn’t matter. If you were recently around a huge number of people, STAY HOME and see if you develop symptoms. 

Does the law say to stay home? Obey the law. 

And then, assuming you ARE seeing your partner because you simply can’t help yourself, how can you make sure you’re not getting them sick? 

WASH YOUR HANDS. You should already be doing this all the time anyway, and if you don’t know how, a video is here and down below. But first thing you do when you get to your partner’s house, WASH YOUR HANDS. No hugs, no spanks, no nothing. Straight to the sink with you. 

STRIP. Man, who knew coronavirus was so sexy? But seriously, take off your damn clothes. If you drove from your house to theirs by yourself, it’s no big deal. But if you were out and about, interacting or nearby other people, or on public transit, why bother taking the risk of the virus being on your clothes? Bring a clean set of clothes with you, and change into them immediately. Leave them in a corner of the room or in your bag until it’s time to go home, and don’t interact with them. This way, if by some weird circumstance the virus IS on your clothes, you can get all cuddly without transmitting it from surface to your partner, or to yourself. Personally, being a bit of a germaphobe myself, this is the first thing I do any time I get home. 

WASH AND SHOWER. Again, this mostly applies if you were in public or on public transport, especially at your work. But go ahead and take your shower first thing. If you have coronavirus on you, it could be on your skin, on your hair, on your face. It’s invisible, so there’s no way to know. So just take a shower! Easy peasy, and you’ll be smelling great. 

SEXY TIME ANNOUNCEMENTS. Let’s be clear, coronavirus gets into the body through - usually - us dumb humans getting it on our hands, and touching our eyes, nose, mouth, ears, etc. So can you be sexy with your partner? GOOD QUESTION, and I don’t have the answer. So don’t take the risk with your dirty hands. If you want to be physically affectionate, follow the rules above: wash up thoroughly just to make sure.  The other concern is if you have the virus, and you start making out or smashing your partner, you could be spreading the virus. Again, this is no guarantee, and I’m no healthcare professional. But just be aware that this is directly putting yourself and your partner at risk in the event either one of you have the virus. Just be careful, and don’t be a hero if one person’s sick, and the other’s like, “I DON’T MIND I LOVE YOU.” Not this time, player. 

SHARING IS NOT CARING. Lots of partners will frequently share lots of things. Anything from cups and finger-foods, to as much weird stuff as toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and other stuff. Firstly, don’t share tooth or hairbrushes with people, that’s super unhygienic. But secondly, consider sharing less for now. If you or your partner share a cup of water, that’s one more opportunity for someone who has the virus in their system to pass it. Go reenact the Lady in the Tramp spaghetti scene later; right now, just use your own silverware, your own cups, your own plates, etc. 

BE AWARE OF WHO THEY SPEAK TO. The whole point of social distancing is that we’re interacting with the minimum number of people possible. If you and your boyfriend are only seeing each other, and nobody else beyond your work, that’s an OKAY scenario. Not great, but not bad. But if either you or your boyfriend are also visiting family, visiting other friends, going to their own job, etc., this should be a hard no-go.  Social distancing only works if we literally distance ourselves socially. That sucks, but it’s for the sake of everyone. If your boyfriend is visiting his other friends, his family, his coworkers, then you two should be highly aware of the web of people you’re interacting with. You’re already taking a risk by associating with one another; if you two are socializing as per normal, that’s just not good in any way.

Again, I’m not a healthcare provider. Listen to other people before me. But I know how hard it is to deny yourself contact with your significant other. It’s hard on everyone. And I know people are going to do it out of some romantic sense of love, and I can’t stop anyone from doing that. 

My goal here is to minimize the damage. PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING, even when it sucks. Make sure you’re interacting with the minimum amount of people as possible while anyone around you might be sick. If that means that the sucky reality is you won’t get to see your partner very much, then that’s just life. Have internet dates, find other ways to associate. There are alternatives. 

And wash your fuckin’ hands. 

undefined

[smokeybrandreviews]

Cheeseburgers

The Infinity Saga is over. The MCU is moving forward into uncharted waters. Disney+ has pushed back certain shows and moved up WandaVision. Black Widow finally has a well deserved movie, postmortem. The future is wide open but, before we get on a brand new pain train, i wanted to take a look back and talk about some of my favorite movies from the first eleven years of the MCU.

Avengers: Infinity War

This movie, man, is probably peak MCU. There are better films in the series but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a film that walks the line of comic book and cinema to deftly. This is the penultimate tale for that first decade and what a f*cking climax it was. Holy sh*t! There was just so much good in this film, from character development to visual flair to legitimate stakes. I’m a massive Marvel fan and i am well aware of the Infinite Gauntlet saga in the comics but seeing this sh*t? Seeing Thanos actually Snap? I never though in a million years that would happen onscreen. And then it did. It was at that point i absolutely knew the MCU was about that life. I knew to expect the unexpected because , with the wealth of the Marvel universe to draw from, they were going to craft some motherf*ckers of stories.

Like, I f*cking cried when Pete got dusted. I shed legitimate tears and I’m not even embarrassed to say it out loud. For a film to move me like that? and it’s not Forrest Gump? Motherf*cker had to be on point, for sure. The entire theater was silent as those strings hummed and Thanos sat on his farm, smiling contently. I had never experienced that before The entire auditorium - completely silent. We were in disbelief. We were in mourning. I saw Infinity War in theaters four times and literally every time, the same thing happened. In two hours and some change, Marvel had gave a theater full of people straight emotional trauma. Your movie has to be absolutely on point for that to occur.

Speaking of Thanos, yo, how was this big ass purple grimace looking motherf*cker one of the best antagonists of film, period? How was this cat written so well? I lost my sh*t when they teased him at the end of Avengers and that little bit we got of him in Guardians was cool but i was not prepared for how goddamn formidable he turned out to be. Josh Brolin brought this character to life but the writing gave me real agency. I was flabbergasted by how great this character turned out to be. Thanos felt real. He felt flawed. He felt legitimate. Id have to put him up there with The Dark Knight Joker and Hans Landa as one of the best antagonists ever.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

I adore Spider-Man. Ive written at length about that love. He’s the reason i even picked up that Marvel comic all those years ago. I’ve seen every cinematic iteration of Webhead and i mst say, this portrayal is the truest to the source material i have ever seen. Cats get on the MCU about making him Tony Stark jr. but most people don’t understand that’s where he was going anyway. Most people don’t know that, in the comics, he’s basically Reed Richards jr. and since the MCU has no Reed, Tony is a pretty smart substitute. But that argument is inconsequential because the core of who Spider-Man is, the actual spirit of the character, has been captured so perfectly by this version of Pete, it’s borderline miraculous. I love Tobey McGuire’s take in Pete because he was the first to do it. Kind of like how i have such nostalgia for the 89 Batman. That version of Spider-Man felt like the old Lee/Ditko version from the 60s. Andrew Garfield was adequate. He didn’t get a fair shake though, mostly barbecue the writing in his run was so goddamn terrible. But this new kid? This casting was as perfect as RDJ was to Iron Man.

Tom Holland kills it as Spider-Man. His version of the character feels right. It feels modern. It feels like Ultimate Pete but grounded in the spirit of the 90s cartoon version. He’s this massive geek, this kid really, granted power in tragedy and it feels so goddamn authentic, i couldn’t believe it. The second he showed u in Civil War, i absolutely knew Underoos was about to be a star in these films and that is saying a lot considering how loaded this cast has become. Homecoming was the first film we got to see Pete stretch his legs and it was f*cking brilliant. Everything about this movie is what a great Spider-Flick should be and the MCU nailed it! if i never got another Spidey appearance, this movie was more than enough to sate my appetite. Homecoming is my second favorite MCU movie. I loved every second of it!

Also, how about that Aunt May stinger, though?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Look, i love the Dark Knight. For me, that is the pinnacle of a capeflick. That movie was a great crime thriller first, a Batflick second. Nolan approached it with a grounded sense of reality that left you, as an audience, breathless. It is one of the best films i have ever seen in my entire life and Ledger gave one of the most brilliant performances ever captured on celluloid. There is nothing as good as that film in the MCU. The Winter Soldier comes f*cking close, though. This movie made me sit up and realize that the MCU had some teeth. Until this thing came out, i thought we were going to get a bunch of flamboyant costumes and snarky Wedonisms. I wasn’t mad, mind you, Avengers was dope, but Winter Soldier took all that campy bullsh*t out back and murdered it. This movie was the MCU growing up and almost everything afterward has been brilliant. The Winter Soldier forced everyone to step their game up with how goddamn brilliant it turned out to be. I can’t say there were any performances as great as Ledger’s Joker but i can make the argument the overall writing was better than The Dark Knight, and that is stupid high praise.

Guardians of the Galaxy

This film has no right to be as good as it is. I went into this thing on a whim, mostly because I thought it was going ti be filler like Ant-Man or something, and then it wasn’t. It was great. Legitimately great. I had no idea the MCU could take a C-rate team like the goddamn Guardians and uplift them so beautifully. James Gunn took those characters and wrote the best Star Wars film since f*cking Empire and I didn’t think that was possible, not with this wayward branch of Marvel History. Seriously, if you do even a minuscule amount of research on who the Guardians are, they’re a joke. I mean, they have a f*cking talking Raccoon on the team! Gunn had the wherewithal to lean into that and he produced one of the best in the entire MCU. He took these loser clowns and injected so much emotion  and humanity into them, you couldn’t help but love their rag-tag asses. This was the first MCU movie to move me to tears. That stuff about Quills mom? I felt that. Both times. On an extremely personal level. I was the young Quill. I watched my grandma, the only person who i believe loved me unconditionally up to that point, die just like Quill’s mom; Cancer and everything. I was about his age when it happened, too. That sh*t f*cked me up. To this day, i have nightmares about it. Seeing that sh*t so accurately captured in a capeflick was the most for me and I legit had to leave the theater until the first part of the movie passed. To this day, i can’t watch that scene. I can just barely make it through the Dance of to Save Th Universe, but that opening gambit? No way. It hits way too close to home for me. Still, for a comic book movie to solicit such a response? It has to be special and Guardians is one of the best.

Iron Man

Boy, we’ve come a long way since Tony Stark uttered those fateful word, “I am Iron Man.” But none of these other films would even have the opportunity to exist if he hadn't said them. Iron Man had the tall order of being the first, proper, MCU film AND compete with The Dark Knight. N one thought a film about B-List superhero, narcissistic billionaire, and straight up lush, Tony Stark, would amount to anything. How wrong everyone turned out to be. I knew, from that second i saw the teaser and concept art by Adi Granov, that Marvel was taking this sh*t crazy serious. Then there’s the casting of Robert Downey Jr. That sh*t was a boon, for real. The entire cast of this first film was impeccable but RDJ makes this movie. He IS Tony Stark. Even before he got comfortable with the character like in the later films, fresh out the box with the scripts, you can tell he knows how to bring this tinkerer to life. You had to nail that aspect in order to have any chance to  build something great and Marvel hit a goddamn bullseyes, for sure. Revisiting this flick, Iron Man isn’t as good as the later films in the Infinity Saga but it still holds up against the vast majority of entries and that’s saying something.

I love these films, man. As a geek growing up reading these stories, reenacting them with their action figures, sitting glued to the television every Saturday as their cartoons aired, I never imagined id see such a berth of fantastic media brought to life on the silver screen. Seriously, some of my favorite interpretations of these characters appear exclusive in the MCU. War Machine, Thor until recently, Ant-Man, f*cking Hulk? i never gave these assholes the time of day in the comics but in the MCU? They’re fantastic! And it has everything to do with how well written they are in-universe. There are over twenty films in this run an i love all of them to varying extents. Spider-Man: Far From Home, Black Panther, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Endgame, Thor: Ragnarok, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 all could have made this list. For sure, they’re 6 - 11 or whatever, but that speaks to the sheer depth of the MCU. I’m not even counting flicks i would consider B-tier like Captain Marvel or Avengers or Iron Man 3 or Doctor Strange; All of which are still dope in their own right.

There is just SO much great in these films and i can’t wait to see where we go next. With Disney acquiring Fox, Marvel finally has the full toy box to play with and i am absolutely a tizzy with the potential arcs they can adapt. Secret Wars? Annihilation? Age of Apocalypse? Avengers Disassembled? Dark Reign? F*cking Onslaught?? I have no idea where we are going but i am, for sure, jumping on this pain train once again.

[smokeybrand]

Cheeseburgers

The Infinity Saga is over. The MCU is moving forward into uncharted waters. Disney+ has pushed back certain shows and moved up WandaVision. Black Widow finally has a well deserved movie, postmortem. The future is wide open but, before we get on a brand new pain train, i wanted to take a look back and talk about some of my favorite movies from the first eleven years of the MCU.

Avengers: Infinity War

This movie, man, is probably peak MCU. There are better films in the series but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a film that walks the line of comic book and cinema to deftly. This is the penultimate tale for that first decade and what a f*cking climax it was. Holy sh*t! There was just so much good in this film, from character development to visual flair to legitimate stakes. I’m a massive Marvel fan and i am well aware of the Infinite Gauntlet saga in the comics but seeing this sh*t? Seeing Thanos actually Snap? I never though in a million years that would happen onscreen. And then it did. It was at that point i absolutely knew the MCU was about that life. I knew to expect the unexpected because , with the wealth of the Marvel universe to draw from, they were going to craft some motherf*ckers of stories.

Like, I f*cking cried when Pete got dusted. I shed legitimate tears and I’m not even embarrassed to say it out loud. For a film to move me like that? and it’s not Forrest Gump? Motherf*cker had to be on point, for sure. The entire theater was silent as those strings hummed and Thanos sat on his farm, smiling contently. I had never experienced that before The entire auditorium - completely silent. We were in disbelief. We were in mourning. I saw Infinity War in theaters four times and literally every time, the same thing happened. In two hours and some change, Marvel had gave a theater full of people straight emotional trauma. Your movie has to be absolutely on point for that to occur.

Speaking of Thanos, yo, how was this big ass purple grimace looking motherf*cker one of the best antagonists of film, period? How was this cat written so well? I lost my sh*t when they teased him at the end of Avengers and that little bit we got of him in Guardians was cool but i was not prepared for how goddamn formidable he turned out to be. Josh Brolin brought this character to life but the writing gave me real agency. I was flabbergasted by how great this character turned out to be. Thanos felt real. He felt flawed. He felt legitimate. Id have to put him up there with The Dark Knight Joker and Hans Landa as one of the best antagonists ever.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

I adore Spider-Man. Ive written at length about that love. He’s the reason i even picked up that Marvel comic all those years ago. I’ve seen every cinematic iteration of Webhead and i mst say, this portrayal is the truest to the source material i have ever seen. Cats get on the MCU about making him Tony Stark jr. but most people don’t understand that’s where he was going anyway. Most people don’t know that, in the comics, he’s basically Reed Richards jr. and since the MCU has no Reed, Tony is a pretty smart substitute. But that argument is inconsequential because the core of who Spider-Man is, the actual spirit of the character, has been captured so perfectly by this version of Pete, it’s borderline miraculous. I love Tobey McGuire’s take in Pete because he was the first to do it. Kind of like how i have such nostalgia for the 89 Batman. That version of Spider-Man felt like the old Lee/Ditko version from the 60s. Andrew Garfield was adequate. He didn’t get a fair shake though, mostly barbecue the writing in his run was so goddamn terrible. But this new kid? This casting was as perfect as RDJ was to Iron Man.

Tom Holland kills it as Spider-Man. His version of the character feels right. It feels modern. It feels like Ultimate Pete but grounded in the spirit of the 90s cartoon version. He’s this massive geek, this kid really, granted power in tragedy and it feels so goddamn authentic, i couldn’t believe it. The second he showed u in Civil War, i absolutely knew Underoos was about to be a star in these films and that is saying a lot considering how loaded this cast has become. Homecoming was the first film we got to see Pete stretch his legs and it was f*cking brilliant. Everything about this movie is what a great Spider-Flick should be and the MCU nailed it! if i never got another Spidey appearance, this movie was more than enough to sate my appetite. Homecoming is my second favorite MCU movie. I loved every second of it!

Also, how about that Aunt May stinger, though?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Look, i love the Dark Knight. For me, that is the pinnacle of a capeflick. That movie was a great crime thriller first, a Batflick second. Nolan approached it with a grounded sense of reality that left you, as an audience, breathless. It is one of the best films i have ever seen in my entire life and Ledger gave one of the most brilliant performances ever captured on celluloid. There is nothing as good as that film in the MCU. The Winter Soldier comes f*cking close, though. This movie made me sit up and realize that the MCU had some teeth. Until this thing came out, i thought we were going to get a bunch of flamboyant costumes and snarky Wedonisms. I wasn’t mad, mind you, Avengers was dope, but Winter Soldier took all that campy bullsh*t out back and murdered it. This movie was the MCU growing up and almost everything afterward has been brilliant. The Winter Soldier forced everyone to step their game up with how goddamn brilliant it turned out to be. I can’t say there were any performances as great as Ledger’s Joker but i can make the argument the overall writing was better than The Dark Knight, and that stupid is high praise.

Guardians of the Galaxy

This film has no right to be as good as it is. I went into this thing on a whim, mostly because I thought it was going ti be filler like Ant-Man or something, and then it wasn’t. It was great. Legitimately great. I had no idea the MCU could take a C-rate team like the goddamn Guardians and uplift them so beautifully. James Gunn took those characters and wrote the best Star Wars film since f*cking Empire and I didn’t think that was possible, not with this wayward branch of Marvel History. Seriously, if you do even a minuscule amount of research on who the Guardians are, they’re a joke. I mean, they have a f*cking talking Raccoon on the team! Gunn had the wherewithal to lean into that and he produced one of the best in the entire MCU. He took these loser clowns and injected so much emotion  and humanity into them, you couldn’t help but love their rag-tag asses. This was the first MCU movie to move me to tears. That stuff about Quills mom? I felt that. Both times. On an extremely personal level. I was the young Quill. I watched my grandma, the only person who i believe loved me unconditionally up to that point, die just like Quill’s mom; Cancer and everything. I was about his age when it happened, too. That sh*t f*cked me up. To this day, i have nightmares about it. Seeing that sh*t so accurately captured in a capeflick was the most for me and I legit had to leave the theater until the first part of the movie passed. To this day, i can’t watch that scene. I can just barely make it through the Dance of to Save Th Universe, but that opening gambit? No way. It hits way too close to home for me. Still, for a comic book movie to solicit such a response? It has to be special and Guardians is one of the best.

Iron Man

Boy, we’ve come a long way since Tony Stark uttered those fateful word, “I am Iron Man.” But none of these other films would even have the opportunity to exist if he hadn't said them. Iron Man had the tall order of being the first, proper, MCU film AND compete with The Dark Knight. N one thought a film about B-List superhero, narcissistic billionaire, and straight up lush, Tony Stark, would amount to anything. How wrong everyone turned out to be. I knew, from that second i saw the teaser and concept art by Adi Granov, that Marvel was taking this sh*t crazy serious. Then there’s the casting of Robert Downey Jr. That sh*t was a boon, for real. The entire cast of this first film was impeccable but RDJ makes this movie. He IS Tony Stark. Even before he got comfortable with the character like in the later films, fresh out the box with the scripts, you can tell he knows how to bring this tinkerer to life. You had to nail that aspect in order to have any chance to  build something great and Marvel hit a goddamn bullseyes, for sure. Revisiting this flick, Iron Man isn’t as good as the later films in the Infinity Saga but it still holds up against the vast majority of entries and that’s saying something.

I love these films, man. As a geek growing up reading these stories, reenacting them with their action figures, sitting glued to the television every Saturday as their cartoons aired, I never imagined id see such a berth of fantastic media brought to life on the silver screen. Seriously, some of my favorite interpretations of these characters appear exclusive in the MCU. War Machine, Thor until recently, Ant-Man, f*cking Hulk? i never gave these assholes the time of day in the comics but in the MCU? They’re fantastic! And it has everything to do with how well written they are in-universe. There are over twenty films in this run an i love all of them to varying extents. Spider-Man: Far From Home, Black Panther, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Endgame, Thor: Ragnarok, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 all could have made this list. For sure, they’re 6 - 11 or whatever, but that speaks to the sheer depth of the MCU. I’m not even counting flicks i would consider B-tier like Captain Marvel or Avengers or Iron Man 3 or Doctor Strange; All of which are still dope in their own right.

There is just SO much great in these films and i can’t wait to see where we go next. With Disney acquiring Fox, Marvel finally has the full toy box to play with and i am absolutely a tizzy with the potential arcs they can adapt. Secret Wars? Annihilation? Age of Apocalypse? Avengers Disassembled? Dark Reign? F*cking Onslaught?? I have no idea where we are going but i am, for sure, jumping on this pain train once again.

[umbureraakademi]

Introductory Note About the AU & Other Chapters

-a/n start-

[Potential spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen or finished TUA Netflix series but seriously how could you stop yourself from watching such a captivating show.]

Word Count: 1755

I actually have nothing to say. Enjoy~

-a/n end-

The Hargreeves Case

Chapter 4

The shot glass hit the table with such an impact you’d think it would have broken into tiny pieces.

“Another one… Freddy…” Diego slurred, flicking his shot glass closer to the bartender who was just about to pour him another drink before the man next to Diego covered the shot glass with his hand.

“Yeah, I think he’s had enough, Fred. Thank you. Can we get the tab please?” Chuck requested. The bartender gave him a silent nod before leaving to calculate how much the two detectives spent that night.

“Chuck what the fuck… hey that rhymed… did you follow me…?” Diego struggled to say as he looked at the other man.

“Diego, I’ve been literally next to you the whole time and you’ve been ignoring me the whole time too when I insisted on coming with you. This is the first time you’ve talked to me in hours since we came down here. Drinking in silence isn’t really that fun, I tell you.” Chuck said and sighed. “You looked a lot grumpier than usual after giving me the Morgenthau case and you never told me what happened when you spoke with the Captain. I was worried.”

Diego scoffed as he twisted his body to the side so he was fully facing Chuck, propping his elbow on the bar to give his buzzed body some support. “Well you try to be chipper after Captain Lee decides you’re not worth the cases that actually matter and assigns you to taking stupid police reports from people dumb enough to let themselves get pickpocketed.” he said.

“It’s still part of our job, Diego. And don’t be too hard on those guys, pickpockets are getting real crafty these days. Maybe if you try to sober up Captain Lee will reconsider giving you the harder cases.” Chuck responded.

“Oh, yeah, won’t that just be swell.” Diego said sarcastically. “The precinct is just getting shittier and shittier and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse here comes this little twat of an assistant who thinks she’s better than everyone else just because she’s the Captain’s niece. News flash, girl: you’re just a fucking assistant! You take calls and get the Captain coffee. She doesn’t even know how to use the coffee maker so I had to teach her since I saw Captain Lee chew her off. Certainly wiped that smug ass look off her cute face. I almost felt sorry for her.” he rambled on drunkenly, and Chuck picked up on something that may have been of interest.

“Did you just call her cute?” he said curiously.

“What?! Pfft, no. You’re hearing things, man. That girl is not cute. She’s a snotty bitch who needs to know her place. I only almost felt sorry for her because Captain Lee is scary as hell, he makes the chupacabra look like a cute poodle.” Diego retorted.

“Since when did you start making references to Mexican folklore?” Chuck questioned again. Diego waved his hand at him and he started reaching behind the bar. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get another drink since you’re putting words in my mouth…” Diego slurred, clumsily feeling his way behind the bar.

“Okay, Diego, enough.” Chuck said, talking hold of the other man’s arm before saying seriously, “Patch would never have wanted you to turn out like this.”

At what seemed like a snap, drunk Diego turned into rage-filled Diego as his arm went from behind the bar to the collar of Chuck’s button-down shirt. Holding it so tightly it almost choked him, Diego pulled the other man’s face so close their noses almost touched. Staring through Chuck’s glasses with eyes ablaze he said in a low, threatening voice, “Don’t you fucking say that name.”

The tension made the other bar patrons stare uncomfortably at the two detectives but Chuck kept himself collected and calm, like he’s been in situations like this many times before. “Let go of me, Diego.” he said steadily. “This isn’t the place to pick a fight, especially with me.” as he said this he firmly placed his hand on Diego’s, the one which was clutching his shirt’s collar, and with a gentle tug the disturbed detective let go of his friend.

Trying to calm down his heavy breathing after that outburst, Diego turned away from Chuck just as Freddy the bartender came back with the tab. Chuck took it, looked it over, pulled some money out from his wallet and gave it back to Freddy. “Keep the change, Freddy.” he said quietly, the bartender gave another silent nod before leaving to take care of the other patrons.

Chuck turned to Diego, who was still quiet and avoiding eye contact with him. “ ‘Thanks for paying, Chuck.’ Oh, no probs, Diego. We’re buddies. ‘Sorry for grabbing you like that. I didn’t mean it.’ I know, man. I know… ” he said, reenacting a conversation he envisioned to have with Diego after that little scene as an attempt to lighten the mood but also to let his friend know that he totally understood why he had his little outbursts.

Diego gave a small chuckle, and although he still wasn’t looking at Chuck, that was all his friend needed to affirm he had calmed down just a little bit. Placing his hand on Diego’s shoulder he said, “C’mon, buddy. Let’s get you home.”

The Precinct the Next Morning

A once again hungover Diego rubbed the side of his head while trying to take a police report from a young woman, around her early twenties, who reported her purse being snatched when she got distracted by stopping to take a picture of a corgi. Diego would normally have no problems getting the victims to share every inch of detail they could possibly give, if they weren’t so infatuated with him.

“Hey uhh… Detective…” the woman paused to try and remember his name.

“Hargreeves.” Diego supplied, though he had just introduced himself before letting the women sit by the side of his desk for him to take a report.

“Right, Detective Hargreeves. Are you seeing anyone?” the woman asked, flashing smile she thought would charm this cranky and hungover detective whose headache only worsened.

“Ma’am, can we go back to the theft, please? I’ll ask again, we got what he was wearing but were you able get a look at the guy who stole your purse?” Diego asked, dismissing the outright advances and trying to be patient.

“Oh… um… no.” the woman said blatantly, a little taken aback by being brushed off. “I mean, it just happened so fast, you know? One minute you see this cute little corgi you just want to take a quick snap of and the next thing you know it some asshole snatches my purse. At least I still have my phone, though.” as she said this she waved around her smartphone trying to drop a hint Diego would take.

He understood what the woman was aiming at and on the verge of losing his patience Diego was just about to snap when he heard someone place something at his desk to the other side. Turning around he saw Monica placing a mug of coffee on his desk, but she looked… different.

Ditching the punk skater girl look she had yesterday probably as an act of defiance to her uncle she now had on a tight, royal blue long-sleeved blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt. Her hair was neatly tucked into a low ponytail and she was even wearing black stockings.

“Don’t mistake this as an act of kindness, Detective Beeman asked if I could get you some coffee before you start losing your patience and ripping off the heads of people you’re supposed to be helping. Detective Beeman’s a nice guy for a cop so I thought I’d help him out. He’d do it himself but he’s with the Captain talking about a case.” Monica said pointedly, clearly indicating that while her look changed that’s just about the only thing that did.

“Anyway when you’re done helping out this poor civilian retrieve a purse she really should have been paying attention to more, Captain wants me to look for a file at the records room and he says you could help since you’re apparently the least busiest person in the precinct at the moment.” she continued on, but she wasn’t sure if her favorite detective was paying attention to her at all as he was just staring.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, snapping her fingers at Diego. “Wake up, Detective. If you heard anything I said at all let me summarize: drink your fucking coffee, take the damn police report, and help me out at your shitty records room. I’m heading there ahead.” she said, glaring at Diego before walking off towards the direction of the records room.

The woman scoffed as she said, “Well she was rude.”

“Uhh… yeah sorry about that she could be a… handful.” seeming to have come back to his senses Diego cleared his throat and took a sip of the coffee Monica had just prepared, he made a face as it wasn’t how he would usually prepare his cup of joe. She actually just mimicked what she would have done with the Captain’s coffee, but Diego liked his black. Ugh. This is terrible. He thought to himself as he set it down.

“So, Detective--”

“Ma’am, sorry to interrupt. But if we don’t have the guy’s face it’ll be hard to catch him as it could be anyone. However, I did take note of where you got your purse snatched. Perps would sometimes do the same thing at the same place. We’ll be informing the officers on patrol at that area to watch out for anything suspicious and we’ll do our best to retrieve what you lost.” taking down a few more notes Diego closed his notebook and set it down on his desk.

Taking a pad of post-its he gave them to the woman and stood up. “Please write down your number here and we’ll contact you for any progress. Afterwards, Detective Deacon can assist you out of the precinct.” as he said this he nodded to a colleague who caught his eye from across the office. The other detective have him an okay sign and Diego left before the woman could protest and ask him to stay with her a little longer.

Giving a lovestruck sigh as she stared at the man who was walking away from her she said dreamily, “He asked for my number.”

[tendomayas]

The Revue of Solitude & Re: Create, An In-Depth Analysis

Endlessly listening to Re: Create made me revisit the Revue of Solitude yet again. I picked up on a lot of details about the song itself, and how it interacts with the visuals we’re seeing in the anime. In this essay, I will be discussing themes regarding childhood, the use of fire & water in the sequence, symbolic motifs that are present, etc. 

I'll have timestamps linked and screenshots attached to specific moments in the Revue. I even found a video that isolates Re: Create, so we can solely focus on the song & visuals (Credits to youtube user mint pepper!). I will be talking about the lyrics at times too, but I used @angelXind’s translations found on the /r/RevueStarlight page (credits to her too!). The video has Eng translations too, and I know both translator’s translations don’t exactly match word for word, but they’re close enough to get the same ideas across. And I know translating things to English can only go so far in really portraying the exact sentence’s meaning in its original language. We’ll just use what we have.

Let’s watch and listen closely to the whole revue, shall we? This analysis is very long (it’s almost 3k words don’t say I warned you...), but there is so much to unpack, guys. I hope you enjoy my reading of it!

Right off the bat, there are two sounds I want to focus on: the violins and the piano(and/or xylophone?) keys.

(0:06) The Piano/Xylophone Keys as Lullaby Music They remind me of lullaby music because of the high pitch. The sound is reminiscent of times when everything was still pure and innocent, and not tainted by how harsh reality is. This sound comes and goes a couple of times, and is mostly in the background, being overpowered by the other instruments.

(I’d like to point out that I’m 100% sure the lullaby sounds are not just only piano keys. They might be xylophones at times or even chimes... or a triangle? Whatever they are—I’m calling them lullaby music.)

The lullaby music being in the background is representative of how Hikari is still warming up to the idea that she and Karen can be on the same stage together. These sounds are only completely audible when Hikari fully reflects about their promise, and begins believing in it. I’ll talk more about this later on.

(0:07) The Violin(s) as Fairytales This initial violin sound reminds me of fairytale music—yet another theme in relation to childhood. The violin(s) sound very “flowy”—as if you’re being surrounded by their magic.

We are all captivated with stories as kids, and for Hikari, that story was Starlight. She loved it so much that she showed it to Karen. And Karen loved it so much that she saw herself and Hikari in it; believing that they could perform the play. Kids love roleplaying characters from stories, and they took that seriously that Starlight inspired them to pursue theater.

Fairytale settings are also known for having an ideal world where anything is possible. And of course, as children, you believe that two people can indeed stand on the same stage. Until you grow up and realize that’s not how the system works after all.

(0:30) The synth(?) reminds me of an igniting fire—a huge symbol we’ll see later on.

(0:43)

This is for the promise we made

Hikari’s lines in the entire song are dedicated to Karen. Let that thought sit throughout this whole analysis.

(1:48) The synth sounds come back in full-force, as the stage is filled with fire.

(1:57) Remember how I talked about that the lullaby sounds are just waiting to be heard, despite being in the background? This is one instance of it. In this part specifically, it sounds like it’s knocking on something. I would even say that’s indicative of how much the full memory between Hikari and Karen is just waiting to be explored.

(2:14) The lullaby-like keys are back, but they are in a more melancholic tone. They sound like they’re being defeated, and that is because Hikari’s stage is now filled with flames.

Fire as Passion, & Nana Nana wants to keep the flame of the Seisho’s 99th class’ Starlight play alive with her reenactments.

Fire as Rage, & Nana It is also a symbol of her rage towards Hikari, as her arrival broke the time loop. Hikari joining the auditions threw off Nana’s comfort zone. (Up until now, Nana thinks Hikari is the reason why things are changing—and not Karen—like we see her realize later on in EP9) And Nana has been trying so hard, in every iteration, to protect all their memories together. And with Hikari’s arrival, she has to deal with the possibility of leaving it all behind.

Fire as Destruction, & Nana Aside from Hikari disrupting Nana’s loops, the fire shows how destructive her own wish is to herself. She tells the giraffe that her ideal stage has become too radiant for her to reach, but is still convinced she’ll get it someday. And that thought has trapped her in an endless spiral for who knows how long—preventing her to move on and progress further.

Fire as Destruction, & Hikari Yes—fire is also a symbol of destruction for Hikari! It literally destroyed her stage!

The Fire and Grabbing Hand as the Top Star System First of all, let’s make it clear that Hikari’s stage represents her time London.

And more specifically, it’s the recital stage she performed on while she was at the Royal Academy for Theatrical Art.

The very beginning of the Revue looked like this:

Hikari is standing on top of some steps, ready to challenge Nana. Her being on the higher plane indicates dominance and power, and she had that while she was still in London. She was so good that she got to perform in their auditions—until she lost. But before leaving, she was told, in the exact same setup during that recital, that “Someday, [she] will have to fight that thing”.

Which brings us back to where we are now:

That “thing” could mean a lot of things, but one of my readings is that she has to face the reality of the Top Star system, and how destructive it is.

That system already destroyed her in London because she kept fighting in the auditions until she was just a pawn in their game. And when she was defeated, she lost all her motivation to become a stage girl. She realized how it feels like when the system makes a puppet out of you, and what happens if your brilliance as a star gets taken away. And that is all being mirrored by how wrecked her stage is right now.

The huge grabbing hand, along with the fire, emphasizes how powerful and controlling that system can be. We even get a sense of its massive scale in comparison their bodies. And see how it also has long, pointy fingernails? Remember in fairytales, how the villains always have those kinds of hands? Yup!

Nana is the one standing on a higher plane now, and the daunting hand is on her side of the stage, while Hikari is completely backed down to the ground. Nana clings onto destructive this system so much, that in this moment, her character represents it. Earlier in the Revue, Nana says, “You’re one of us now” to her. Hikari may have gone far in the London auditions, but she was back to square one in Seisho’s. Her weapon was even reduced from an actual sword to just a dagger.

(2:28) Hikari is prompted in answering this question. And it seems very intimidating to tell this daunting stage that you and your friend made a promise to do Starlight together.

(2:40) Lullaby Music as Comfort But moments after, Hikari finally starts to face this fear. Once she begins to tell the whole story about how much Starlight means to her and Karen, the mood of the music changes. It’s more uplifting, and we even hear some hints of sparkling sounds as that memory brings her comfort. The music, along with the visuals, takes us to that happy place when there was nothing wrong in the world. In these few seconds, she is reliving that sweet fairytale in her head.

(3:05) The sparkle sounds are back again, right when she says, “That was the moment I was born. As the stage girl, Kagura Hikari.” And her hand isn’t even trembling anymore.

(3:24) Intensified Violins as The Chase to Become a Stage Girl Oh god, this is one of my favorite parts of the whole song. The music sounds like it’s chasing something. This “chasing” music, paired with the visuals of her very first Revue, shows that that was the moment she bounced back from her defeat. She started fighting again because she remembered why she wants to in the first place.

(3:52) it sounds like the music is being defeated again. This shift reflects Hikari realizing it is now inevitable that she would have to fight Karen in the auditions. We hear a loud bell too, as the visuals also took us back to reality, forcing us out of those dream-like flashbacks.

(3:59) I really love this because they are literally fighting on the last building standing. Hikari has that much foundation left, but it’s enough to keep her going. The scale composition is also good because you could really the tower, where the crown sits, as it looks down on Hikari’s burnt stage.

(4:16) Lullaby Music Sounding Like a Child’s Wind-Up Music Box Oh lord, another favorite part of mine. Notice how this is the only part of the song where the lullaby music is completely isolated. We are shown a flashback of that day where Hikari and Karen catch up on all those years apart from each other—the very day where Karen reminds her about their promised stage—at the same place they made it years ago.

The lullaby music isn’t even a lullaby anymore—it’s a full-on children’s wind-up music box. And you know how you have to wind up its key all the way back, in order to hear the whole song? That’s exactly what happened on that day they caught up. They went back to the place they made their promise, as grown-ups. Karen reminded Hikari that if they can pass the auditions together, they could still stand on the same stage. And the very thought of that comforts Hikari so much, that she starts believing in it.

(4:39) Her hair pin—which Karen gave to her during the promised day—begins to shine, as she is empowered from all these memories.

(4:42) Alright guys here we go! The stage is shifting and so is Hikari’s weapon!. There is a lot happening, so let’s go over this one by one.

(4:51) Hikari’s Weapon, Part 1: the Eye Motif I like to think that the twinkling eye represents how much Karen has literally opened her eyes to the possibility of sharing the same stage together.

(4:57) The little “barriers”(/guard? quillion? Not sure what that part of a dagger is, and Googling can only go so far) weapon literally opens up too.

And having the lyric at this very moment be 

Our dream unfolds

Is such impeccable timing.

(5:01) Tokyo Tower Falling The Tokyo Tower falling into the water, causing a giant tidal wave, is how powerful Hikari’s promise is with Karen. All these memories she just reflected on elevated her emotions—represented by the water—so much that it’s overflowing. 

(5:18) Literally—who could forget these magnificent succession of frames. Who. Tell Me.

Before I talk about the water, I’d like to point out that Hikari and Nana are finally standing on the same plane. Meaning they now both have the same amount of power to give their all in the audition.

Anyway, let’s discuss what all this water means.

Water as Emotions As I’ve mentioned above, water is the element of emotions. The amount of water in this scene is how much emotion is contained and released within Hikari, as she remembers her drive to win.

Water as a Flowing Current and Tidal Wave Water is an element that flows—free to literally roam around anywhere it wants to be. At times it can be blocked by huge rocks or pieces of wood, but a tiny stream will eventually form, and will find its way out. Water also comes and goes in waves, especially in the sea. These two qualities of water shows how Hikari is able to bounce back in times where she has lost. Despite how many times her flow has been disrupted, or her tidal wave crashed—she will always make a come back.

Water as Cleansing Ultimately, the water is a metaphor for Hikari cleansing the toxic environment the burning stage had. Her memories with Karen are enough to get rid of it all—to wash off the destruction, and the doubt that they can’t win. 

(5:25) Water as Life The lyrics here translated to English are along the lines of:

In the days when we were young The small seed that we planted then Has started to grow and bloom Guided by the stars

The seed is Hikari and Karen’s promise to perform Starlight together. That seed is being watered every time they remember to wear their hair pins, even when they got enrolled in performing art schools, and as they became actresses in their school’s stage plays, etc. Their plant has been growing until it started blooming today—because of their reunion. And because of Hikari finally warming up to the concept that they can win together.

And you know, the Act 2 of the Revue is literally titled, “Blooming the Star.”

The music in this sequence sounds like actual happy fairytale music again—but there’s a lot more instruments this time, making it feel grander than before.

(5:40) There goes the “chasing” music again, adding even more drama to the emotional quality of the song. All of this shows Hikari’s fierce determination to win.

(5:45) Hikari’s Weapon, Part 2: the “Hook” as Her Perseverance No matter how far astray Hikari has gone during her auditions in London, she still managed to find her way back to her roots with Karen. Just like how the hook will continue to grip on the same spot, until one reaches that point after following the rope it’s attached to.

She also uses the dagger/hook as a swing, and you know how she literally swung back after being defeated? Yup.

Not to mention how great it is again that the lyrics are

I’ll reach my hand out towards you

is sung once she uses her newly transformed dagger/hook for the first time.

And with all of that perseverance, Hikari wins this round of the auditions. 

The last thing I would like to point out are the last lines of the song:

Our bonds connected by the stars Can make a miracle happen

Hikari finally defeated Nana—who has won the auditions countless times beforehand. Now I consider that a freaking miracle. But guess who else won?

Karen. She won against Claudine too, the second-best one in the class. I would say that’s a miracle. Karen—the girl who jumped in—someone who wasn’t even supposed to be a part of the Revues in the first place. And she won because she holds her dream with Hikari so close to her heart.

And that ends this long analysis of Re: Create + the Revue of Solitude! If you made it this far, please know that I love you. And I hope all these small details will add to your experience in rewatching/listening to the song/scene again! Thank you for reading.

[abjectaspiringfailure]

theory: How Furuta wins

Alternative title: Furuta wins because his enemies don’t realize they’re really fighting until it’s too late

If I had to contrast Kaneki and Furuta when it comes to how they complete their objectives, I’d put it like this:

Kaneki is a strong guy who uses his intelligence to win fights after they've begun, even against opponents he could run roughshod over from the beginning. He's reactive, and good at that. Furuta, meanwhile, is a guy who uses his intelligence to win fights before they've begun, without his opponents realizing it. Furuta sorta has a meme about him as this invincible Gary Stu with memetic invincibility and omniscience who does things that no one else can, but he’s really not. Furuta's victories are far more reasonable when you realize he's literally succeeding at nothing new, and that, in fact, his success rate when he does something someone else hasn't done before him plummets to... almost 0?

Shall we go back to Ami in the Gourmet Arc? Specifically, when Kaneki tells her to hide behind him,  and so she kicks him into the oncoming enemy after looming ominously behind him. Sound familiar?

Furuta does this same thing in the Rose Arc. “Oh come on, are you saying Furuta couldn't figure that out on his own?” Well, no, but I think there's a reason that this was done in such a matter in such similar circumstances for something so basic. Furuta uses tactics that he sees others engage in successfully.

His ghoul surgery? Kaneki, Kurona, and Nashiro were his test subjects.

Matsumae? He took her by surprise, but he also gauged out her eyes in a similar manner that Tsukiyama is implied to have done to his victims. This tactic is also implied to have been how ghouls were defeated before the advent of quinques by Takeomi, and was something Kaneki attempted to use on Shachi.

Defeating Eto? He's copying Kaneki, but with more RC suppressants before the battle (this one’s more complicated, but this is Furuta’s meta and not Eto’s so we’ll leave it at that).

The Washuu clan purge? He's reenacting the Tsukiyama clan purge.

The Clown Siege? Reenacting the Clown Siege years prior, from both sides.

The initial battle with Goat, establishing them as the CCG's current arch nemesis, and running them underground? Using the plans the Washuus used 100 years ago against the original OEK.

The subjugation of the wards? The Washuus already had the plan in place.

His defeat of Kaneki? Reenacting the battle of Anteiku.

His Dragon? Reenacting the OEK from 100 years prior.

Furuta's incredibly intelligent and pragmatic in this regard. The thing about coming up with amazing new ideas and successful plans, of being a trailblazer like, say, Kaneki, Eto, and Arima with their plan? It's time consuming. It's highly liable to fail. Furuta never had time, his life span is incredibly short. When most people are still figuring things out, he'd be on the verge of death. He needed to get things done and he needed success. Using other people's proven plans is the most effective means in that regard.

This is sorta Furuta’s entire thing. Ui, Kijima, Kaneki - they all note that Furuta is excellent at analysis and reports. When we see him reading in childhood, the contrast with him and Kaneki is that while Kaneki reads fiction, Furuta reads non-fiction. He reads about his genetics, his lineage, things like that.

He even brings this up in his battle against Kaneki, where he tries (and fails, for obvious reasons) to reenact his strategy on Eto on Kaneki, just replacing his own kagune with triggering Rize’s Kagune.

People bring up his strength a lot and its relative vagueness, but I’d say that if someone gave him a guide on how to defeat another character, he would succeed at it. In a theoretical Arima vs Furuta battle, where Arima is in the state he’s in during the Coachlea raid, I’d say he’d win if he somehow knew how Kaneki defeated him. Which brings us to the next part.

What about his failures? There are three in particular, because those situations (probably) never came up before. The first one was the aforementioned incident where he turned Shiono into pate and gave him to Eto as an act of sadism. He was completely astonished she managed to get any energy from it, indicating he laced it with RC suppressants.  He managed to salvage the situation by falling back on another plan someone else had made, in this case Kaneki's, which was to run away from her until a good shot at her weakpoint presented itself after she let her guard down. He only just barely survived being killed by Eto, and being killed by V.

The other situation was when the CCG launched their integrity inquiry. There hadn't been a recorded CCG rebellion against the leadership, and so he was forced to wing it. He fails, and loses the CCG, but it doesn't matter because he's able to get his Dragon hours later anyway.

His fight against Kaneki post-Dragon is, well, a completely OOC situation for him. This is a new Kaneki with completely unknown abilities and strength. He doesn't have some highly exploitable weakness like the last Kaneki. This Kaneki hasn't been defeated before. And so of course, as soon as Kaneki takes Furuta seriously, even when Furuta has his kakuja, he loses. Kaneki takes a seemingly endless barrage from Furuta and in the end it does nothing, Kaneki defeating Furuta in a single hit. Which is… kinda Kaneki's pattern here, honestly. I know some people are trying to argue that Furuta only lost because he hesitated for a moment – but I don’t see it? That doesn't make sense at any level, thematic, logical, or narrative . What, Furuta could defeat the Dragon Rize Kaneki fought? Even his victory against Eto, who certainly isn't as strong as this current Kaneki, was implied to have been because of the RC suppressants he put in the pate and his mimicry of Kaneki's strategy. I think he actually starts to activate his kakuja when he’s fighting Marude, he just pulls back because fighting isn’t his objective. I mean, the kagune shown here is much closer to his kakuja then any other kagune he’s shown.

Furuta’s just really good at succeeding at things other people have done, in a manner which is highly impressive and, honestly, unbelievable in the sense of “woah, that’s impressive” and less the sense of “this isn’t even remotely possible”. Which brings me to the most major action Furuta took:

Helping Rize escape from the Sunlit Garden. There are countless possible explanations, but two explanations I think are likely. A) This is his trailblazing plan, and he managed to pull it off undetected because of his love for Rize. B) Rize was not the first person to escape the Garden, and he based this plan off of a past incident.

Given the pattern with Furuta, I'm going with B. The real question than becomes who and when? I actually think it might be whoever the “peace loving idiots” he refers to in regards to the creation of Dragon are. When Uta asks Furuta who Dragon was supposed to be a final boss for, Kaneki and Goat, or CCG and Furuta, Furuta dodges the question entirely and says that his “final boss” is an ally. V, Pierrot, Goat, CCG, none of these people could be described as pacifistic or peace loving idiots, I think.

So, I'm thinking the CCG and Goat might not be the real targets of him. When he thanked Eto for defeating the V Special classes with him, he said the top levels would wipe him out, despite having Kaiko and the Sunlit Garden on his side at the time:

It should be noted that V is constantly stated to control the world and not just Tokyo. The idea that this single faction of V alone could control the entire world is pretty... ludicrous? Furuta never says V is only Washuu blood, he says they’re “part of” V. Perhaps the translation is wrong (because Japanese to English is genuinely pretty hard when you’re interpreting other people’s words and trying to convey meaning to non-speakers), but it makes sense.

After all, according to Tsuneomi, the Washuus weren't always like the way they are now. Their position is an implied punishment for the One Eyed King, as the Furuta line of families pops up around the same time the OEK was implied to have started their rebellion. Could be related, I think.

[ahjiee-rana]

Massive Ardyn Headcanon/Theory Dump Ahead.

Until it’s proven otherwise, my headcanon for where the name “Izunia” came from is that it was the name of Ardyn’s late lover. 

I believe Ardyn chose ‘Izunia’ because it meant something to him once. So, it brought me to the conclusion that he took on their name much like married people do. His other motives for doing this are many, depending on the multitude of things that could have happened to him. 

Perhaps it’s as simple as that... he took on the name in remembrance of his deceased love. I have no doubt that they did not die painlessly. But he likely also decided to use another name because he clearly needed an alias, and that was as good as any. Or, it was out of spite if his love betrayed him - theirs being the deepest cut of all when the world turned on him. 

Whenever Ardyn is on-screen, I always keep this quote in mind: 

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." - Eric Hoffer, philosopher

What does he do to the main characters?

He wears their faces, kidnaps them, hurts them, or kills them, because his worst memories in life are of those he loved turning against him or being taken from him violently.

Let’s start with Episode Ignis.  Ardyn knocks Ignis unconscious for a short time and purposely waits for him to come back to himself so he can force Ignis to watch on helplessly as he holds a blade over Noct. He’s reenacting something here, but what that is, we don’t know yet.

What we do know is that Ardyn wants to take their hope and smash it with a hammer. He wanted Ignis to suffer as Noctis - the man Ignis devoted his every moment toward ensuring his well-being - was murdered right before his eyes.

Ardyn then said to him “Oh, what good is a world that only ever lets you down? Why not end it all right here?” It’s a strange attempt to sympathize with Ignis. This must be a thought Ardyn had been plagued with for a long time, himself. What’s he implying? What game is he trying to play with Ignis? We’ll come back to it.

Because, here’s the thing. Ardyn never really meant to kill Noctis there. He wanted Noctis to get eaten by the Crystal, remember?

He was just playing with Ignis when he made to stab Noctis. He WANTED to see that fear reaction, that utter horror and devastation. Ardyn also did something at that point which immediately struck me as really odd in the original ending. He invites Ignis to join him. The canon is that Ignis pretty much spits at the offer. But Ardyn was obviously hoping Ignis went along with him.

Ardyn explains that his motivations extend beyond his revenge on Noctis and the royal Lucian line. We know this also because in the alternate ending Ardyn admits “I all but laid the Crystal out on a silver platter for [Noctis], but he still wouldn’t come of his own accord. That’s why I needed you.”

Ardyn does not attack Ignis the moment Ignis wakes up in the Keep like he might have if he only wanted to get Ignis alone to lure Noct there. He instead tells him to look for answers and walks away. Ardyn wanted Ignis to see the visions the Crystal showed him of Ardyn’s past, and for Ignis to learn of his motivations. He wanted to show Ignis what he’d become, and what Noctis was destined become as well: a martyr.

It’s not until Ignis knows everything and still refuses to see things his way that Ardyn attacks him.

He lured Ignis to the Keep knowing that Noctis would come for him and thus “expedite the process” of Noctis’s “ascending as [the Crystal’s] champion.” But part of me also wondered why Ardyn would jump through so many hoops just to get to this point.

The main reason being that, for all his posturing, Ardyn still desires to be understood.

This weird little act of Ardyn’s could be for a few other reasons as well. One is that Ardyn might sense something about Ignis - a kinship in which he thinks he can see a murky reflection of his own self (or Izunia). For some reason, he believes Ignis to feel betrayed in a way, as evidenced by that line earlier about the world letting him down. As unbelievable as it may sound, Ardyn might want Noctis to question Ignis’s loyalty if he was actually able to plant the seeds of doubt in Ignis’s mind. We know this would be impossible - we’ve seen Ignis’s devotion again and again. It’s Ardyn’s own experiences of shocking betrayal that make him believe he could sway Ignis otherwise. His past tells him that you can trust no one, because the one you care for most will be the first to jab their knife into your back. Noctis knows Ignis better than that, though. If Ignis was missing, he’d know immediately that he didn’t just pick up and leave of his own volition unless he had a plan. 

In the alternate ending when you select “give up” Ardyn says “At least you won’t have to spend your last moments alone.” At first, I connected this to Ardyn’s own feelings of alienation, but then I remembered Izunia. What if they were separated from Ardyn and made to die alone, and violently, too? He then says “As luck would have it, your beloved Noctis is on his way to save you as we speak... I wonder what he’ll do when he sees his friend’s life fade before his eyes.”

He wanted Noctis to witness Ignis’s last moments, body on fire from the inside out, bones cleaved apart, eyes ruined. And he wanted Ignis to feel the full brunt of his utter failure. Being immortal, Ardyn would naturally fear loneliness as everyone he cared about died over time or abandoned him as he was deemed contaminated by the Scourge and driven out. So, he causes others pain by separating them from their friends/loved ones as well, uses their feelings against them, and forces them to question their loyalty.

His first opportunity with Ignis ended in failure. So, he moved on to ‘Plan B’

In the moments leading up to the story of Episode Prompto, Ardyn puts some sort of confusion spell on Noctis so he sees Ardyn in Prompto’s place, forcing Prompto to question his own place with the bros, and then rubbing the secret of his origins in his face. Noctis ignores the signs, as he’s still overcome with grief and anger due to recent events (Prompto-as-Ardyn pleading, “C’mon, Noct. You’re scaring me!” And “dude, are you seriously trying to kill me?” To which Noctis responds in the affirmative: “Why wouldn’t I? [...] What’re you after, following me around this whole time? It’s all YOUR fault”). Ardyn needed to create a rift between them. And he saw Prompto as an easy target, too - the boy from Niflheim who was crafted to be the bane of Noctis’s existence. Prompto was then bound in chains to use as bait. He was just going down the line.

Ardyn seduced Ravus to his side by showing him that he had the pull to help Ravus protect his sister, and then he turned against him when Ravus began to express his beliefs that Noctis was the Chosen One. It was yet another reminder of Ardyn’s first betrayal.

There’s a quote from Ignis (in Episode Duscae) that directly ties into just how crucial Ardyn has been in all of this: “Our past forms the foundation of our present. We mustn’t forget that which made us what we are today.” Ardyn, as the older brother, was presumably meant to be the Founder King - the foundation of the Lucian line - and then he was erased from the books. It was this betrayal that brought them to this point. 

It’s abundantly clear that Ardyn views the other main characters as chess pieces he needs to manipulate to reach his desired endgame, and he can’t help but see those who hurt him in each of their faces.

Noctis carries the weight of not being able to protect literally anyone. The entirety of the Crown City is a smoldering crater with countless innocents dead - the very people his family was meant to safeguard. And it seemed to come full circle when Ardyn killed Luna, prompting the beginning of the end. Despite the colossal strength readily at Noctis’s fingertips, it meant nothing when he was once again powerless to prevent even a single person he cared about from dying or enduring terrible pain on his behalf.

These must be feelings that Ardyn felt just as keenly, perhaps for Izunia, perhaps for others as well. But because any mention of him was struck from the records, he’s ensuring everyone will know his story by the end of the journey. And he’s doing so by repeating that history before he inevitably goes for good. 

[books-and-cookies]

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (PART 5/?)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Sorcerer’s Stone

1. Rereading Harry Potter is taking me back to when I was like 10 years old and I’ll take that over the crushing weight of adulthood any day. 2. I would pay money I don’t have to see Lockhart reenact his books using a very, very, veeeeery reluctant Harry. 3. “I was a Seeker too. I was asked to try for the National Squad, but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the Dark Forces.” – I cry, this man gives new meaning to the word delusional. 4. “That’s because he’s a brainless git” – Ron, spreading the gospel to us mere mortals

5. “I don’t want to break rules, you know. I think threatening Muggle-borns is far worse than brewing up a difficult potion” – praise our queen and saviour, Hermione Jean Granger 6. Seriously, though, Hermione is a badass can she pls walk all over me kthxbye 7. “Get to that Snitch before Malfoy or die trying, Harry” – ah, Wood and his happy pep talks. You can feel the excitement building up, alongside the sense of dread and despair. Harry, probably:

8. “All right there, Scarhead? yelled Malfoy” – not gonna lie, The Adventures of Scarhead and his Scarfree Friends has a certain ring to it 9. Okay, but how big of a fuck up can you be, in order to confuse the spell for “mend bone” with the one for “make bone go bye bye” 10. Dobby is a scary ass powerful house elf, baby jesus h Christ. I mean, first the barrier, then the bludger, not to mention that he does all this shit undetected. I’m in awe tbh, GO MY SMOL TINY ELF, GOOOOO FUCK SHIT UP EVEN THOUGH YOU’LL PROBABLY GET PEOPLE KILLED

11. “such a flogging Dobby never had, sir…” – you know, as a kid I kind of glossed over this (probably because I was too lazy to look up the translation for the word “flogging”), but as an adult, finally realising the extent of abuse and misery that Dobby and other house elves have suffered… it’s fucking heartbreaking. 12. “Dobby only wanted Harry Potter hurt enough to be sent home” – this is like when a big fluffy dog charges in to cuddle you and accidentally breaks your bones 13.   *crickets*…. 14.   Okay it’s nothing like that, but whatever, shut up Karen nobody asked you GOD 15. “I hope Ron’s not in another girls’ toilet” – holy fuck, Percy, people are dying being petrified LET IT GO 16. Cue the theme song from Frozen that literally everyone wants to forget but the INTERNET NEVER FORGETS 17. Finding out that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened before is the kind of plot twist I live for

18. Honestly, though, you can’t blame Harry, Ron and Hermione for thinking it’s Draco, the little weasel screams “I open super secret lairs and set off monsters after kids in my free time because I’m *that* dramatic” 19. “You read too much, Hermione, said Ron” – BOOOOOO HIIIIISSSSSS 20. “Harry privately felt he’d rather face Slytherin’s legendary monster than let Snape catch him robbing his office” – honestly this speaks so loudly about who Snape is as a person if a 12 year old would rather face an unknown possibly 100% probably lethal monster, than anger Snape, a human person 21.   Don’t “always” @ me 22.   Fuckity fuck off

23. Hermione went from “it’s Levioooooosa, not Leviosaaaaa” to “I’ll steal some very rare shit from the most feared teacher in school and possibly face expulsion in order to illegally brew a super dangerous and complicated potion in order to solve a mystery” and if this is not character development, I don’t know what is 24. Also, #YOLO because wizards look for danger with a fucking magnet 25. “as safe as poking a sleeping dragon in the eye” – FUN FACT: the motto for Hogwarts literally says “never tickle a sleeping dragon” 26. Shut up, Karen, I never said it was a fun fact for you 27. “When Snape turned and walked off to bully Neville” – IT’S LITERALLY WRITTEN DOWN YOU FUCKS 28. Starting a Dueling Club was literally the least productive thing they could do for school safety. We have a giant invisible monster around, let’s add a fucking Dueling Club to that because YOLO and also who cares about student safety 29. Wait, scratch that, I forgot Lockhart organised this and the man has Walking Disaster™ stapled on his forehead 30. “for full details, see my published works” – can you hear my groan from across the universe? 31. Okay but how did Lockhart convince Snape to take place in the Dueling Club? Was it the prospect of actually curse students under the pretense of teaching? 32. “Wouldn’t it be good if they finished each other off, Ron muttered” – shame Ron isn’t an actual oracle 33. “Do you think he’s all right? she squealed through her fingers.        Who cares? Said Harry and Ron together” – my boys, being the little shits the world deserves

34. “I said disarm only! Lockhart shouted in alarm” – it’s like he’s never seen kids before smh 35. “Scared? muttered Malfoy.       You wish, said Harry” – ICONIC 36. “Just do what I did, Harry!       What, drop my wand?” – SASSY HARRY TO THE RESCUE

37. “Snape, too, was looking at Harry in an unexpected way: it was a shrewd and calculating look” – I wonder if he suspected anything about horcruxes 38. Find yourself some friends who believe you when you tell them you once set free a boa constrictor because it told you it had never seen Brazil. 39. “being able to talk to snakes was what Salazar Slytherin was famous for” – fucking curve ball. Also, don’t tell me you didn’t at least suspect Harry of something shady LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING 40. All The School Hates Harry 2.0 41. The rumour mill works just the same as it does in our schools, proving that wizards are utter dicks, just like the rest of us 42. Honestly though, how much bad luck could someone have, to stumble upon the petrified body of the very person everyone expects this someone to attack. 43. We should call this the Harry effect. Guaranteed misery. 10% off the first purchase.

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