#don't add your last name to this post (obvs)

[manhattan-gamestop]

Out of curiosity rb and put in the tags how many fics come up when you type your last name into ao3. Apparently even though my last name is uncommon there's like 500

[twbutterfly-milk]

WIEIAD TW: ED, undereating, cals, mention of ed thoughts+food guilt, this is your kind reminder to scroll away if this is the kind of thing that triggers you OR if you're considering/in recovery or if u just shouldn't/don't want to be consuming this content.

WIEIAD recovering from being sick and for some reason i actually had more than 2 meals today??? (Usually the absolute max) this is good ig, gonna try to be happy instead of sad abt this. I'm vegetarian btw in case anyone is wondering why there's no meat or fish in my day.

Breakfast: Had some oatmeal but instead of using a splash of milk and mostly water, i used a splash of a chocolate protein shake my grandpa bought me, i can't stand liquid cals but i wanted to try it since protein shakes are usually like THE fit thing, it was way too high cal, i did have some more later but then i gave the rest to my younger sibling, cuz it's essentially choc milk and obv she liked it so idrc. With the oatmeal, i had an apple, and recently i replaced sugar with honey for most things idk why it was kind of random but it happened so i used a teaspoon of honey to sweeten the oatmeal instead of sugar. After that i had an orange (hard to believe i used to be scared of fruit bc of "sugars" and how "calorically dense" they are, i'm still pretty sensetive with fruit but i do eat them. Ngl i think the orange was a binge bc i rly wasn't going to have it and i didn't even want it and i felt full and had knew it was just gonna add calories, but i ate most of it out of control and threw away the last two slices, felt really bad after the binge too Cals: 364

Lunch: had some leftover ig stew? It's a traditional dish called "canja" but it's essentially a chicken stew and all the other ingredients can vary quite a bit, i had half a boiled carrot, with 2tbsp of the rice and i added 1tbsp of canned black eyed peas for protein and heated it all up. Afterwards, i had about half a berry yoghurt and threw the rest away :/ Cals: 98

Pm snack: had a small slice of melon and a 10kcal zero sugar jelly, it's so good and cheap, i bought it when i was sick cuz i felt like gelatin so i wouldn't puke again but i couldn't stand sugar so problem solved. Cals:28

Dinner: had like 5 bits of colourful twisty pasta (sry idk the name of it, it's like penne pasta but it's twisted and not hollow, yk?), and another 1/2 of boiled carrot, with 1tbsp of black eyed peas and less than half a beetroot. Cals: 66

Late night/post dinner snack: immediately after dinner i got hiccups and i hate hiccups; they're terrible so i had some tea to calm down (it actually kind of worked? Thank God cuz hiccups are so painful) and a plain buiscuit. Cals: 31

Daily total: 587kcal (trying not to be too harsh on myself, especially as i was literally sick yesterday but i still feel terrible as this is more than double my daily limit, ik that's terrible). Got around 23grams of protein, which is prob not enough, i could have just had the full protein shake as it would have given me 25g of protein but i'm really scared of liquid calories.

Water: not sure exactly how much but i know i got at least 2L, prob a little over it. My goal is 3L when i do overexercise a lot but 2.5L when i do nornal exercise. When i don't reach this goal i have to have at least 2L otherwise i feel bad.

Exercise: decided to try out sprint intervals instead of long running but only managed 6mins or so of 30:30 sprint intervals, so i learnt something new to work on, increasing my resistence during sprinting. Looking on the positive side of things is always nice ♡ (≈50cals?)

Sleep: tommorow i don't have school so despite going to bed at almost 12pm i'm hoping to sleep a lot. Update, i had maybe 7hrs or so. Not enough as the amount women need is between 8-10hrs and men only need around 7-8hrs (again gonna depend on a lot of other things, don't feel bad for sleeping "too much", if ur concerned it could be a symptom of something, visit a doctor if you can cuz both being under and overly tired can be a sign smth is worng, but as long as ur having at least the minimum amount it's fine ig). Sorry i just wanted to info dump abt the amount of sleep u need hehe, but srsly i haven't been getting enough sleep recently which sucks cuz i love sleeping.

I know it was a lot of writing. Stay safe and have a good day 🩷

[valeffelees]

An Ask Game for Writers to Procrastinate Working on Your WIP(s)

thank you kindly for tagging me @shrekgogurt @youarenevertooold, and @monbons i've been seeing this game make its rounds on my dash and was really hoping someone would pull me in!

🦈 Tell us the name of one of your WIP(s)

my main three wips at the moment are without sun, ballad of the final sparrow, which is more commonly known as bitverse, and fragile things (and how to break them), but i've also been fucking around a bit the last two or three weeks with a new (terrible, evil, very self-indulgent) wip called god-forbid.

🍄 Describe one of your WIPs in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

i think i might be dumb bc i don't understand this question at all.

🌍 What tags or warnings will your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

bitverse: heavy angst, psychological horror elements, alcohol abuse, allusions to suicide, unhealthy coping mechanisms, dead dove: do not eat.

🧭 An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

ballad of the final sparrow -> baz is typing fragile things (and how to break them) -> there's a werewolf in london god-forbid -> the gap between a tragedy and comedy

⚠️ Which WIP you’re most likely to finish or update next?

i have no idea. i mean, you'd think the answer would be without sun since it's the only fic i actually have posted at the moment, but unfortunately i am an untrustworthy villain.

💾 What is the document of your WIP called? (Not the story title, but what you’ve saved it as.)

same as the fic title. if i start a new wip and don't know what to call it, i'll pick something at random and add (working title) at the end.

🖍 Post any sentence from your WIP

from without sun:

“You don’t like peppermint,” he says. But maybe she does. Maybe that’s one more thing he can add to his growing list of things he got wrong about Agatha Wellbelove. No. 1 — Dislikes peppermint; actually, she is quite fond of it. No. 2 — Likes Simon Snow; him, not so much.

♻️ A scrapped idea for your current WIP

one of the biggest changes i made to the plot of without sun really early on was penelope's role in the story. i had a clear idea of the story i wanted to tell as soon as i saw the prompt for the fic. without sun was always supposed to be about more than simon and baz. the story is about grief and love, and the space we take up in the lives of the people around us. but n e way, in my orig draft, penny was actually supposed to be able to communicate with simon a bit, and there was gonna be a whole sect of scenes in the middle of the fic where they sat around together trying to break simon's curse what we know and what we don't know style via passing notes. i ended up tossing this idea really quickly tho, and i'm glad i did bc one of my favourite moments i've ever written in any fic happens in chapter two of without sun and it belongs to simon and penny.

🤔 What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

so many. or, well—what counts as "haven't even started"? i hate to let ideas sit around in my head bc it feels like leaving raspberries in the fridge for too long, like that shit is gonna get mould on it, so usually the first thing i do is rough out a few scenes and/or script out a very rough outline of the plot (like this / this / this style) so that i have something to come back to later. i have dozens of zero drafts just lying tf around. but otherwise, yeah, so many. one big idea i have is called heart on fire and it's based on fanart, but i haven't started it yet bc obvs i wanna get permission from the artist first but i've been holding off reaching out to them about it until i've knocked a few of my less intimidating longfics off my wip list bc heart on fire is gonna fucking hefty so i don't wanna give'r until i'm sure i can manage it.

🤡 How many WIPs are you actively working on?

LMFAO

🛠 Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

i'm having a real bitch of a time with agatha's main scene in chapter two of without sun, i've been fighting with it on and off for months, but i can't get it to do what i want it to do.

❤️ Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

cheers!

sorry for any doubles but, tagging: @drowninginships @cosmicalart @that-disabled-princess @fatalfangirl @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @artsyunderstudy @thewholelemon @roomwithanopenfire @hushed-chorus @blackberrysummerblog @imagineacoolusername @nightimedreamersworld @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @mooncello and an open tag for anybody else who wants to procrastinate their wips!

[exalok]

WIP ask game

RULES: post the names of the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

tagged by @chesthighwater!!!! did this a while ago but some of the files have changed now: five short lives of jessamine kaldwin got posted, and i have a couple new ones in there. also this time i'll add all the ones i didn't last time:

demon&priest au

fae!corvo

outsider!daud timelines

small unprompted stuff

stardew valley au

what resembles the grave

some good slow bonin

trio prompts

tagging the usual suspects @amazinmango, @screwtheprinceimtakingthehorse, @retired-crow, @merulanoir, @hiaennyddei, shit who else writes does art count, @queenstardust but you can make it about art if you want let's go with that, obvs feel free to disregard if you don't feel like doing this, hmmmm, oh @presiding and @maetheil if you're interested!! goodniiiight

[redadm1ral-moved]

Fanworks Friday Flash Rec List

Hey y'all! I decided to do something I haven't done before and put together a quick and dirty Modern Warfare rec list for @onlycodcanjudgeme's Fanworks Friday! This list is in no particular order, and I'll be linking each author's AO3 profile—if you're an author whose work is listed here and you have socials you'd like me to add links to, let me know and I'll edit it in!

This is gonna be a short one, and a bit of a mixed bag, but hopefully you'll find something you like! When jumping into a fic (especially in the COD fandom), remember to heed the tags, and be sure to leave a kudos and/or a comment on the fics you read! To preserve y'all's dashboards, I'll be sticking my recs under a readmore.

Without further ado, here's a handful of fics I recommend!

Thanatos Denied by UrgentOrange

*MW3 AU* After their nearly fatal encounter with Shepherd, Soap and Price are forced to lie low in Afghanistan, but soon find themselves on the run from former allies.

Thanatos Denied is one of my favorite fics, one that I definitely recommend you give a shot! It's a MW3 AU that takes place immediately post-MW2, following Soap and Price while they survive the fallout of the events of MW2. (Classic trilogy, obvs).

With 28 chapters and over 120k words, it's the longest fic on this list, but a worthwhile read for sure. Heed the tags with this one; it can get pretty heavy.

2. The Barracks (Part 1) by doberman

The Barracks is a military-inspired inn based within Hereford, England, where good friends Soap and Ghost work. One day during his lunch, Soap sketches a handsome stranger in his journal. What he didn't know was that this stranger would later come to not only save him, but impact his life in more ways than one.

The first in a series of fics by the same name, The Barracks is a slow burn, strangers to lovers Soap/Price AU! It deals with some heavy themes, but is overall a light read! It's also a little over 31k words long, with 12 chapters.

The series has 3 parts, with the next two parts focusing more on Ghost and Roach's relationship. Part 3 is still in progress, with its last update being in 2021. I definitely recommend giving it a shot if coffee shop AU-adjacent romance is your thing!

3. mushroom by isototes

Glowing bright, flashing, climbing the sky. Yuri sighs.

yuri handles coping by smoking and playing 4d chess with his bestie

Mushroom is a short, sweet 700-ish word Makayuri oneshot that takes place in the aftermath of the nuclear detonation in MW1, focusing on Yuri's reflection of the bombing and his building resentment toward Makarov. If you're like me and really like sitting inside a character's head (and Makarov-flavored fucked up-ness), this is a great read!

4. Desk Duty by Otter_Lukas

Captain John "Soap" Mactavish really likes your work ethic and tends to treat you to favors when you finish your work.

And finally, to round out this list, Desk Duty is a Soap/male!reader smut fic, clocking in at just under 3k words long. It's pure smut from the very beginning, so definitely something I'd only recommend for mature readers (18+).

What stood out to me is the male!reader: Otter_Lukas' reader-insert fics usually feature a male or gender neutral reader, which is something I deeply appreciate as a dysphoric trans man who loves reader inserts but can't always read them! If you're like me and crave reader insert fics, but don't want to get misgendered, give Desk Duty (and any of the author's other reader insert fics) a shot!

[oakskull]

genshin as wof dragons designs I drew by @wings-of-impact ! plus all my brain thoughts about it under the cut

Links to Mod Anemone's posts: Childe Albedo Ganyu Zhongli Klee

Let's start with Childe! Its the most resent design released by mod Anenome which I Did alter a tiny bit for my brain thoughts. I based the colors off of their drawing but obv it wasn't perfect. I tried to make the tail get lighter in color but I'm not sure if you can really see it all that well lmao. But!! headcannon time!! for Childe as a hybrid I think he's got cold scales like ice wings but like only barely, but it fucks up with his fire, so instead of being able to make flames the closest he can get is like smoke. So mostly it's an intimidation thing, but even if the smoke is Pretty Hot it doesn't do nearly as much damage as fire. Also! about his gauntlet; it was supposed to be black but I forgot to paint part of it and I had already cleaned my desk and put all my stuff away so I just used a silver colored pencil. It is shiny tho!

Next up! Albedo! He was actually the one i drew last, and it was kind of hard to figure out what little bobble from his og clothes to add. (like how childe has the shoulder cauldron and earring) His main visual characteristics (not lore) to me are his hair, his big boots, and his big Ole coat. None of which dragons really Wear. In the end I gave him his little drawing clipboard and the throat diamond. Also, I think we was probably made with animus magic, and studies it. What happened to his tail? I have no idea, but it probably has something to do with never wanting to hide his imperfections. For the bracelet from Klee, I couldn't decide whether it would be a peice of scrap metal she shaped for him, or a some fireproof fabric, but in the end I never had to decide because you can't see it LMAO. pick your favorite ;)

Now Ganyu! Her little blurb is going to be a bit short, mostly bc she was pretty straight forward to draw and I don't know her well enough to have any headcannons haha. Because I didn't color my sketch of her I couldn't do any horn details to make it look more like Ganyu. I had a similar problem to albedos design, because her notable design thing is just her horns. The bell and the rope on her vision were easy to add as accessories but I'm not sure if they really scream Ganyu.

Zhongli is next! I wanted to give him a nightwing scale pattern but a mudwing body shape to look majestic while giving him little glowing bits thst glow amber. I gave him the shiny scale by the eye to imitate his eyeshadow, and I think he has the power of mind reading but is like, sick of it. So the black part of his earing is the rock that blocks nightwing powers (I can't remember if it has an official name lol) I'm unsure about Anenome's world building for their designs but my thoughts on Archons are either that they are animus for each kingdom and they get their powers how Qibli did from enchanted artifacts (the nosis, the spell would be "whoever holds this gets animus powers" or something) or archons are just leaders, where its no longer a queen only world (or zhongli and venti are just queens, i think they can do it) If the archons are just leaders than animus dragons could be in Khaenri'ah, where they're are killed or cursed by the other dragons for their hubris. OR Celestia is the animus dragons. and how do the Pantala dragons fit in? I have no idea. I'm rambling. this au lives in my head rent free.

Okay last but not least Klee! I added her hat first because she needs it. then I wanted to do her backpack but I hit my first dilemma: dragons don't really wear things on their backs. It inhibits their ability to fly properly. But Klee's comically large backpack is a huge part of her charm for me, so I wanted to add it. I decided on big ole saddle bag type things on her haunches. Okay so, elephant in the room, if you've seen the wings-of-impact post about Kler then you know, she has fire scales! So how can she wear clothes? Well I actually just forgot, but I've decided that Tevat! Pyrrhia is actually cooler and sexier and has fireproof stuff for our resident arsonist. For headcannons, I think she has an unhealthy obsession with those cactus bombs and has to constantly be reminded that she Cannot touch them. She's been trying to make her own bombs with limited success, on account of melting the ingredients and not being allowed near gunpowder.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: So, campus bars Ava: Avoid entirely or cheap enough to make the cringe worth it? 🤔🤔 James: use your student loans wisely enough that cheap is avoided entirely Ava: Ugh 😏 I thought you'd give real advice if I got you off the clock James: go with your gut, option 1 James: you're not striking me as someone to base their social life around KCLSU's quiz night Ava: I love trivia like I love cheap white wine spritzers and school spirit James: knew you'd fit right in Ava: Can I put that resounding endorsement on my application then, James? James: it'll carry more weight if you accidentally add the I when you write my name James: but I didn't say that James: slip of the pen, that's all Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: There's plenty of time to meet him and double up on kudos James: I hear the girl's hazing rituals are savage James: stand you in good stead that will Ava: No one is scarier than a high school girl Ava: Nor as petty and sadistic Ava: I think I'll survive James: they've toned it down since that girl had a mental episode post head shave James: sure you will Ava: Very chic Ava: Do you wait 'til the UCAS app has gone through to drop the horror stories usually or are you really bad at this whole recruitment thing on purpose? James: it's my 1st time playing tour guide James: potentially I'm less than cut out for it Ava: I won't lodge a formal complaint Ava: Unless you're turning over DMs as feedback, in which case, awkward James: I won't be, some girls think I have more sway than I really do James: awkward indeed Ava: God Ava: Not even my first choice Ava: Though makes you wonder how effective attaching nudes to your cover letter would be James: they'd have to take that on a case by case basis Ava: 🤞 that you don't get the one token woman on the panel James: not your 1st choice, no need to cross anything Ava: Hypothetically, James II Ava: Why was it yours, then? Ava: Student life evidently not being it James: it was my only James: it's gonna end up being Teddy's too Ava: He hasn't turned up to business studies in time Ava: But slip of the pen, I get you James: my older sister got all the brains and none of the sense of fun Ava: Know the sort Ava: Bet I still likes you better though James: I wouldn't go that far Ava: Too far for a taster sesh Ava: Understood Ava: Don't suppose you'll point me in the direction of where you actually hang now then? James: I suppose I could Ava: Please Ava: Bored is an understatement Ava: I'll still show up all present and correct for the debrief thing tomorrow James: it's such a good thing here isn't your 1st choice Ava: You should give me the real tour Ava: I'll keep my lips sealed James: can't I get another please before you do? Ava: Please do not invite your brother Ava: He got us kicked out of Mahiki last month it was so tragic James: he's a disgrace Ava: Most of them are James: I don't associate with anyone who still goes to Mahiki regularly Ava: It's pretty played out James: if they'll let Teddy in they're getting desperate Ava: 😂 awh James: you ready now? Ava: Already out Ava: Figured you better pick me up from The Vault Ava: Consider it a mini hazing of my own James: keep your lips sealed that I'm going within 100 yards of the place and sure Ava: Don't worry Ava: The others are at the cinema or something equally as lame the school put on for our 'overnight entertainment' Ava: I'm sick Ava: No selfies James: the hangover'll make it look & feel convincing Ava: That's a promise you can put your wallet behind Ava: I am a guest James: you don't want put your fake ID on the line either Ava: Bold of you to assume I've ever needed to buy my own drinks 😏 Ava: I didn't bring it alright, shut up James: you don't need it, I'm only playing Ava: 😾 James: how many drinks has my brother bought you? Of course I need to 1 up him Ava: Total? Ava: Not as much as he'd like but lots Ava: Not trying to milk this sibling rivalry or anything, have known him ages Ava: Well before Mahiki would let him in, like James: hardly a rivalry, you know him well enough to realise Ava: True Ava: You do what feels right and I'll let you know by the end of the night then James: very straightforward James: I like it Ava: You don't know me well enough yet but that's par for the course James: I knew your brother for years & I didn't know him James: we'd need more than an evening Ava: I'm as comparable to my brother as you are to yours Ava: Probably James: show me, I'll show you Ava: Deal Ava: But we will need more than an evening Ava: to make it fair James: you can have until you're bored Ava: You'll want longer when you aren't anymore James: I'm used to things not lasting as long as I want Ava: I'm not your average Ava: You'll see James: bold of you to assume I've ever settled for average Ava: I didn't say THE average James: I heard you say my average Ava: No need to be offended by better, is there? James: bemused at most Ava: You're welcome Ava: but you are meant to be entertaining me, not the other way 'round James: you brought up fairness James: & it's a good point Ava: How do you propose we make it fair then? James: I entertain you tonight, you entertain me whenever you've thought of your own tour worth taking me on Ava: That's actually a good idea Ava: and entirely fair James: Teddy'll cost my dad more to secure his place than I did, I've got some brains on board Ava: No doubt Ava: Gave his name to the right kid, clearly James: My sister was undoubtedly relieved James: though Diana has its own pitfalls Ava: 😬 The jokes write themselves James: they do Ava: Perks of having a relatively untouched name James: it does suit her, she's very much a martyr Ava: Did you do an English degree? Ava: You're good at painting a picture with words Ava: See 👸 so clearly James: sadly not James: maybe I'll go back & do it if I ever finish the current one Ava: Student forever vibes Ava: Fuck real life James: then again, being the kind of dad who drops their kid off for classes & pulls up his own chair at the table doesn't sound like a great idea Ava: Just make sure its not their first choice, yeah? James: oldest's already smarter than me James: won't be a problem Ava: There you go then James: where's yours? Ava: Currently undecided Ava: It's more a case of sorting the 2-5 James: & how's that going? James: this place being a solid 5th Ava: Its been a solid mix of fun and boring working it out Ava: Better than another night in Mahiki at any rate Ava: I'll have to decide eventually but even my mum can't demand I do quite yet James: don't over complicate it James: they're not all that different James: I've got friends studying all over the map and they're still basically doing the same things I am Ava: See, that's what I figured Ava: But try telling that to a woman who was Cambridge or bust Ava: It's more about the vibe of the place, the people, the ethos and the lecturers not being the worst stereotypes of boring/creep Ava: again, if I tell her vibe is on my criteria she'd actually kill me before I could apply anywhere so 🤷 James: your secret's safe with me James: even if our mothers were friends, mine is currently not speaking to me Ava: How's that? James: it's something I'm fairly used to James: she's not a big talker James: more of a fan of a dismissive hand gesture Ava: Gotcha Ava: Not a whole lot to miss James: she's got lots to say about my parenting style but who hasn't Ava: Shame you don't talk to my brother now James: I don't suppose he sees it as a shame Ava: Probably not Ava: He's not one for regrets James: me either James: it's why we started out friends Ava: Feels like ages ago Ava: Since he still lived here James: it kind of is James: he left before he left Ava: It's complicated James: it's not my business Ava: Not mine either so Ava: Whatever James: car's here James: are you going to make me get out for you? Ava: You're meant to come in here Ava: Don't you trust I can keep my lips sealed? James: I don't trust it to be entertaining in there James: hence it's not part of the tour Ava: Please James: Oh Ava James: [but does come in we all know he would] Ava: [clearly making him stay for a drink and play pool or something in this student ass bar] James: [when you're whipped for someone you're not even dating lol] Ava: [When Chloe is your missus] James: [to be a fly on the wall in their relationship tbh literally imagine] Ava: [oh lordy how you have not been missed girl] James: [at least the new kid is young enough she can dress it up still and it can't talk back so she can pretend she gives a shit and isn't blowing his phone up rn] Ava: [in full show-off-to-all-my-friends mode still, somehow still has some lol] James: [lord when you don't even like and comment on pics of your own child anymore though bye do not approve of your aesthetic choices Chlo] Ava: [so awkward, when you only get a look in for the boring/hard bits] James: [basically just get to parent Jay cos she's well over that] Ava: [poor James tbh] James: [have your fun now lad I don't blame you even though everyone else will] Ava: [lord people gonna be SO mad] James: [how far we gonna take this during the tour cos obvs flirty vibes been flying about but like he can't just jump her cos married and she's younger] Ava: [she fully initiated this whole thing lbr but maybe don't sleep with him yet babe as you are aware he's married and has kids so like, some thought even though you young and reckless that, he could always stop it at a makeout 'cos then how embarrassing for her and she'd have to leave it for a bit like what was I doing, angst etc] James: [I vibe with that cos they are gonna be drinking a lot as the night goes on so that'd make both of them give less of a shit about the consequences but because the night is going on eventually chlo is gonna be like are you coming home ever because I like to think he hasn't cheated since she got pregnant with this kid and has actually been trying even though he's miserable af clearly] James: [like maybe it was really bad before and he was actually gonna leave her so she was like simply must trap him and did] Ava: [v much a her move I support it] James: [yeah cos she's invested this much time into him she's not just gonna let him go easily] Ava: [when you have no idea what you've signed yourself up for here babe] James: [I'm rooting for them rn cos nobody else is and I'm 100% that bitch, must not get invested yet when we've only just begun] Ava: [same tho so whoops] James: [he'd be so into it though too we all know that makeout would be 💣🔥] Ava: [hence breaking it off would be hard af, Chloe gotta be blowing his shit up to the degree he thinks maybe one of the kids is hurt lol] James: [literally Chloe is the teenage girl in this situation, girl chill out] Ava: [I'd feel bad if you hadn't also cheated loads and trapped him in this sham life soooo, grant you idk how much Ava knows of that rn but she'd clearly have a rep] James: [yeah I feel like Ava would be knowing some shit cos same circles and Chlo ain't slick plus like he's gonna eventually tell her cos god knows he needs someone to talk to] Ava: [we will get there boy] James: [at least it'll be less awks for her cos it'll be obvious that he didn't wanna break shit off and how hard it was to do] Ava: [there was obvs a vibe to pursue in the first place, still tomorrow morning lmao] James: [he'd so go too hard pretending she doesn't exist like nobody's picked up on the vibe and it ain't obvious okay boy] Ava: [I hope there's some other drama gone down on this little excursion so yous can fly under the radar, someone hold hands at the cinema lol] James: [shit like that always happens don't worry you two] Ava: [thank God for teenage shenanigans when you out here homewrecking on the low] James: [you should do some Chlo texts at me for the lols even if I don't reply cos busy lol]

[strangesugar-blog1]

That last post makes me really want to figure out PayPal again, it would be so useful. I can never use it straight from PP with a fake name (which would be ideal for buying things online or to go towards Lyfting) bc you need to give your SSN which I'm obvs not gonna do bc the names won't match up, but I think I can attach a bank account, so maybe I'll make a new one (it wouldn't let me add accounts or cards because they're all already used on either mine or my husband's personal accounts ugh). But he was saying he was looking into switching banks anyway so maybe we'll open an extra account at the same time so I can have one to attach to the fake one, I don't think the names have to match for that because the one currently attached to my personal PP is in his name anyway.

[marisheeran-imagines]

Ed Sheeran Imagine - Guiding Light, Chapter #1

You got home around 7pm, a bit later than the usual due to your boss comanding you to train the new interns. You love working there, it’s always been your dream to work in a book publishing company, but you’re tired, craving for a hot relaxing bath, your mattress and warm blankets. London is getting cold, and you laugh by yourself as you remember the motto “The Winter is coming” from Game of Thrones, the TV show you love watching with your fiancé, Ed, you’d also love having him by your side, cuddling with you, but he’s on tour now, and probably won’t be here that soon. You go upstairs straight to your bedroom, when you hear some noises in the room next door and decide to check it.

You aren’t expecting to find your fiancé there, as he’s been on Tour for his fourth album for nearly a year (practically the time you moved in together), and you barely had time to see each other since then. He’s on his studio room, sitting with his back to you, doing something on his laptop. His ginger hair is longer than you remember, and he’s wearing one of those dark-grey-blue flannels you love on him, making impossible for you to see his tattoos. You heart starts beating fast in you chest, you miss this boy so much the tears quickly fill in your eyes.

“Teddy?” you whisper, astonished, unable to raise your voice, sounding a bit trembling.

“Babe?” he turns towards you, the brightest smile on his face and his eyes, beautifully blue, are looking at you so deep and with such love, the air gets stuck on your throat. Oh God, you’ve missed all of this so bad! Though you’re always watching videos of his performances and interviews (you also chat on skype and facetime from times to times), it’s not the same when he’s live. The tears you’ve been holding back just fall down your cheeks “document.write(Mariana), love, what’s wrong?” he asks worried, standing up immediately and starting to approach you.

“Teddy!” you repeat, this time louder, and run to him, wrapping your arms around his neck tightly.

“Love!” he chuckles, when he realises you’re not crying for being sad, hugging you tight as well “I’ve missed you!”.

“So have I” you murmur against the crook of his neck, breathing in his marvellous scent, and your brain automatically remembers you of it “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be doing gigs for at least a month before coming back home!” you say, raising your head to look into his bright blue eyes.

“Some of the concerts were unfortunatelly cancelled due to lack of security” he sighs. You know how much important this life is for him, which is why you’d never opposed to being away from him for so long. That is his happiness, and if he’s happy, so you are.

“Oh, I’m so sorry babe!” you caress his right cheek, right onto his scar.

“Yeah, well, now I have about two weeks and a half off. I can be with you, at least!” he gives you that smile. The one that makes your legs weaker and your heartbeating speeds up.

“Always the good side!” you smile back at him when he gently wipes off the tears from your face with his thumbs “What do you wanna do for tonight?” you ask, smiling wider when he lowers his hands back to your waist, holding you close to him.

“Hm…” he bites his lower lips and you laugh at his thinking expression “I thought we could stay here, and just chill out. Maybe order something to eat…”.

“Sushi!” you both say at the same time, giggling at each other. This is just one of your many compatibilities. Your tastes, your principles are so alike that it’s what makes your relationship so strong and beautiful, you believe.

“Alright, I’ll just change into something more comfortable and we can order it!” you say, pulling away from his arms slowly, not wanting to be apart from him for any other second. You’re reaching the door when something comes up to your mind and you turn around to face him, walking back to him.

You carefully remove his glasses document.write(glass), placing on the table beside you. You get on your tip toes and wrap your arms around his neck again so you can press your lips onto his. He pulls your body closer to his, hugging you and pushing his tongue into your mouth. It’s a kiss full of love, passion and missing, you can’t help letting a small whimper slip out of you when you taste him after so much time.

His fingertips press the small of your back, bringing you even closer as he moves his tongue slowly inside your mouth, carefully playing with your own. He lowers his hands to your butt, squeezing it a little and breaks the kiss as you need to catch some breath, smooching down to your neck, licking your flesh. Your heart jumps in your chest, your breath speeds up and you raise your hands to his fiery red hair, twisting it with your fingers and he groans into your skin, breathing heavily.

Suddenly you feel a hard form against your belly and you look down, frowning, only then realising that form is actually his manhood sticking you up.

You look back at him and you can’t help blushing deeply at his gaze. “I’m sorry” he says, his voice tone a bit lower and husky than usual, his cheeks also red. He looses the grip on your waist pushing you away slightly so you don’t feel him anymore.

You had already tried to make your mind up before so you can give yourself entirely to him, but your insecurities about your body and lack of experience never let you go any further then some kisses and clothed make out sessions. And as Ed is always controlling himself, extremely respectful of your “condition”, this kind of situation (you being able to feel him through your clothes) is kind of rare, unusual. He tries his best to not make you umconfortable, even if he has to stop himself from getting what he desires.

In addition, you know it’s been hard for him because he hasn’t being with any woman after his last relationship ended. Which happened about two years and a half ago, also the time you met each other and started dating a little while later. “It’s alright…” you say, biting your lower lip and smiling sheepishly “I’m gonna shower” you give him one last peck before heading to your shared bedroom.

Reaching there, you breath in and out slowly, gasping a bit. As you grab fresh and clean clothes and make your way to the bathroom, your mind flies back to the last moments you’ve spent together, and you are able to feel shivers of anxiety running through you. What if you had let him go ahead and make you his? Would he have liked you? Would he rather if…

“Love?” Ed calls you through the bathroom door, interrupting your thoughts. You’re almost fully undressed, except for the panties on your body. You quickly wrap a towel around yourself before opening the door enough so you can see his face “Yes?”.

“Hm… I just wanted to apologise again…” he pauses, sighing heavly, like when he’s disappointed with himself “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or like I wanted anything else from you this way, as if I was pressuring you. I promise I’ll control myself better from now on” he says looking straight into your document.write(brown) eyes. His blue ones looking extremely sorry.

“It’s okay, Teddy!” you open the door wider, smiling at him. You know he had no intentions in forcing you to do anything you didn’t feel like, and his cuteness and worry makes your heart melt “I know all of that, you don’t need to explain yourself! Don’t be upset!” you kiss his cheek “And… I kind of…” you take a breath and look at your feet, blushing “I do want this to happen, Ed!” you speak in a lower tone.

Ed brings your chin up, making you look at him “Oh! Really?” he frowns and then softens his expression, giving you an embarassed little smile “You don’t have to worry nor rush about it, baby, when you feel ready, you’ll know, and I’ll know that too”.

“No, baby, the thing is, I am ready, I’m only not sure how to do it” you admit “You know how I just simply freeze every time I am closer to get more intimate with you”.

“There’s no reason to be nervous, love!” he sweetly kisses the top your forehead, wrapping his arms around you firmly “I’m yours!” he murmurs in your skin and lowers his head to look into your eyes. His are glowing beautifully and you can see the love he feels for you right through them. And only then you realise you don’t have to be afraid or insecure, he’s always been there for you, he won’t judge you for your little flaws or the ones you think you have.

“And I’m yours!” you hold the towel against your body tighter with one arm and hugs him with the other. Standing on your toes, you kiss him slowly.

He breaks the kiss and chuckles “Hm… I’m gonna order for us while you take your shower, alright?” you nod “Anything special?”.

“Nope” you giggle “The usual is fine!” you wink and he nods, kissing the tip of your nose and releasing your body “Be quick, baby, I don’t want to be away from you much more!” he says softly, walking out of the room.

You sigh and close the door again, looking at your expression in the mirror: you seem fascinated by your new discharge of confidence. You smile, removing the towel and deciding to shave yourself completely, thinking maybe that’s the night you’ll finally surrender yourself to the love of your life.

…

You put on some of your favourite body lotion, your long sleeved pajamas top and pants. Going downstairs, you see Teddy setting the living room small table to yourselves.

“document.write(Mariana)?” he smiles wide when he notices you “What about document.write(King)?” he picks the DVD of your favorite animation movie and you grin at him. “Perfect!” you nod, approaching him.

“Alright. The food has just arrived” he puts the DVD on and two cushions on the carpet, sitting on one of them and tapping the other beside him.

You take the seat and he gives you the hashi “Thank you, Teddy!” you kiss his left cheek “You’re welcome, love!” he turns his head towards yours, giving a peck on your lips.

Ed brings the table closer to you both, and you start eating the delicious food. You take your time, watching him, so close to you, after almost a year: it’s seem like a dream! He has rolled his shirtsleeves up and you can finally see his tattos. You smile at the little red hand in his arm, it’s one of your favorites, the meaning is so sweet and so Ed that you can’t help melting and falling in love with him more at every second.

You obseve his face, from the left side, his light blue eyes, already focused on the movie, the birthmark highlighting the left one, his nose pointing up, the freckles on it and his cheeks, those cute and squeezable cheeks you love so much, and the light pink lips you wanna kiss all the time. All of it framed by his messy curled ginger hair.

“What?” he looks at you, frowning, when he realises you’ve been gazing at him.

“Nothing” you shake your head, grinning “Just recognising the incredible man I have by my side!” you wink and he blushes deeply and adorably.

“Ah!” he bites his lower lips “Thank you?” he chuckles with himself. “Just the truth!” you shrugh, turning your attention back to the food.

“I must say the same!” he says grinning “I’m the luckiest man in the world for having you!” he hugs you by your side, resting his arm on your shoulder and you lay your head on his, giving a small kiss on his neck and you feel him shiver.

You stay in this position, just watching the movie and enjoying each other’s company for a little while, when you both sit up to eat.

…

After eating and watching document.write(King), you decided to lay on the sofa, Ed behind you with his arms around your body “How’s your job?” he asks, breaking the silence first.

“It’s fine” you answer, a bit tired. Cuddling always makes you feel so comfortable and protected, you know you can spend the whole day in Ed’s arms, just relaxing or sleeping “There are more work to do now that document.write(Luana) reopened the internship program”.

“They should make things easier for the other workers, shouldn’t they?” you can imagine the wrinkle on his forehead as he asks, confused.

“Well, babe, they’re all new on the job, I can’t blame them. They have a lot to learn” you shrug. “I remember when you joined the company, love, we had met each other, what? Three or four weeks before. You had just graduated at the best British University at such a young age; you were a little genious! And still are, to be honest! You had no problems in becoming the best worker there!” he kisses your cheek.

You shake your head, smiling at his words and lean against him better, feeling his soft shape perfectly pressed to your back, looking at him over your shoulder “Hm…” he murmurs in you ear after a while “I still think you should come touring with me!”.

“I can’t sing Teddy, you know that!” you playfully tap his hand that’s holding your waist “What would I do on tour with you?”.

“Well, you can do your job on the road with me!” he says, smiling “Write your own book like you’ve always wanted, instead of translating and publishing someone else’s. You and I know how great your potential is, you don’t even need to think too much to create a beautiful story. And I know you already have a few with you, just waiting to be shown to the world” he smiles wider. You laugh hard at his statement. This boy is so cute you turn around just to squeeze his cheeks with your hands.

He giggles, caressing the side of your right thigh and you shift under his touch, feeling yourself getting anxious with what this nearer contact can lead to, and your heartbeats increase as he grips your flesh firmly. Ed pulls you down his body so he’s on top of you, looking straight into your eyes.

You put your hands around his neck and bring his face down for you to kiss him. You lick his lower lip, asking for permission to enter his mouth and he concedes immediately. A slow battle start between your tongues, as yours tries to explore his mouth and his is doing the same. He grasps your waist, as the kiss become more rougher and passionate, positioning himself in the middle of your thighs and you can now feel his bulge pressed in your core.

You even try to open the first buttons of his shirt, but your shaky hands make things more difficult. Ed chuckles during the kiss, helping you to take his cloth off and you grab his arms, feeling their strong features with your palms. You bite his lower lip gently, pulling it a little.

“document.write(Mariana), babe!” he whispers against your lips, breathing heavily. Ed lowers the kiss from your neck to the skin of your chest that is not covered by your pajama top. You feel this part of your body heavier, along with your breaths; your nipples are also getting harder as Ed’s hands start travelling up the side of your body, stopping right beside your breasts. He separate your lips, and looks down, his gaze stuck at your chest, making you blush.

Putting your hands on his chin, you gently raise his head, being able to see his eyes full of lust and desire. He rubs his crotch against your center slowly and you let out a soft moan, feeling his hard and thick form. You start to get wet down there, throbbing and anxious to be touched “Ed!” you twist your fingers in his hair, pulling his curls a bit.

Ed leans down and gives one last kiss on your jawline before sitting on his knees, panting and looking at you intensely. He runs his hands through his hair nevoursly and lowers them to the hem of your shirt.

You breath in and out a few times before nodding and he slowly removes your pajama t-shirt. You sigh in relief when you notice you had put your bra on, as you don’t wear it for sleep. Ed’s eyes roam over your upper body and you cover youself with your hands, as it gets difficult for you to breath, the same thoughts you had in the bathroom coming back to your mind. Apparently, exposing yourself is being harder than you thought it’d be.

“Love?” he frowns, caressing your hands, right beside the stretch marks on your hips. You were feeling so confident earlier you forgot about these little things that have let you down all these years; the reason why you’ve never been with a man before, with Ed specially. Your gasp, instantly pushing his hands away from your body and sitting up at the other far end of the sofa, with your legs pressed into your chest, looking down at your hands.

“I’m sorry!” you whisper, trembling, some tears threatening to spill over.

“What’s wrong?” he approaches you slightly “Did I push you too much?” he sounds worried and you shake your head.

“It’s not you, Ed…” you bite your lower lip, preventing you from crying.

“Hey, document.write(Mariana), look at me, please!” he caress your chin and when you look at his blue eyes, all you see is disappointment and you feel guilty you’re not strong enough to get over your insecurities and give him what he deserves. But what if he doesn’t deserve you? He surely deserves someone better! Your current thoughts are the last straw and you start crying, hiding your face in your hands “I’m so sorry!” you murmur, your voice sounding muffled.

“No! Don’t apologise, there’s no reason to apologise!” he hugs you, kissing the top of your head and caressing your back, trying to calm you down. You just feel more guilty with the care he stills shows over you and you start sobbing, leaning your head onto your knees. He stays there comforting you until you chill out, and you raise your head, ready to face him “Talk to me, love!” he caress your cheeks, frowning, worried.

“I didn’t mean to…” you shake your head, fighting with the tears once more “I didn’t want to disappoint you, I’m sorry!” you gaze at his eyes, sounding sincere.

“You didn’t disappoint me, babe! document.write(Mariana), believe me when I tell you you could never let me down. It’s alright if you’re not ready. I can wait no matter how long it takes for you to feel comfortable with that” he sweetly kisses your temple. Oh Lord, he doesn’t understand, does he? It’s not a behavioral thing, it’s a physical one.

“You need a woman, Ed. A real one. Someone who can give you what you want, what you need! Not a young little girl, like me, frightened with the idea of being naked for the guy she loves, I’m just not the one” you say quietly, your voice barely audible as you look away at your hands again.

“Stop with that!” his voice is a bit angry “You are everything I need” he cups your face carefully, looking deeply into your eyes “Don’t say that again. EVER!” he stresses, the despair in his voice hurting you more than any nasty thought you had about yourself “What are you so afraid of?” he frowns “It’s just you and me! You said earlier you were mine, do you recall it? I told you I was yours as well. I’m not pressuring you, I’m just trying to understand why you don’t believe me when I tell you you’re the woman of my life!” he bites his lower lip “You said yes, you agreed to be mine forever, remember?”.

Your heart skips a beat when your mind takes you to the moment Ed proposed to you, a year and three months ago, exactly the time he asked you to move in to his house.

…

A year and three months before

“I know I’ll be far away for a while, but we’ll talk to each other every day, I promise!” he pulls you into his arms, kissing your forehead. You’re at his bedroom, helping him package some clothes and objects for his travel.

It’s the first time Ed will begin a tour since you started dating and you’re a bit apprehensive about how your relationship would “survive” through it. You love him with all your being, but you know he’s a handsome famous man and you fear he’d find another girl around the world and kick you out from his life.

“Okay!” you nod, not wanting to show him your insecurities.

“And… he releases your waist, getting down to one knee. You heart starts jumping in your chest when he pulls a small box from his jeans pocket and opens it up to you, revealing a pair of silver rings. Engagement ones, your eyes immediately fill with tears "I love you with all my heart, document.write(Mariana). Only one year of relationship and you already made me feel like I should spend the rest of my days with you, I’ve never felt like that, you make me happy like I’ve never been before. I know we hadn’t talked about our future together as a marriage, but we don’t have to rush anything. Just being engaged, like a promess that well'be each other’s forever” he takes a deep breath "Would you give me the extraordinary honor of letting me be your husband? Would you like to be my wife?" he looks at you anxiously, his eyes brighting, waiting for your answer.

“Yes! Of course, Teddy!” you grin, thrilled, letting the tears fall. That’s all you needed to relax from inside out. Ed loved you more than you thought, after all.

He grins at you as well, his glowing eyes a bit watered and you lower your hands to his face, cupping his adorable cheeks, and wipping off some tears that he let slipped. Ed stands up and takes your hand in his. He puts the beautiful ring in the fourth finger of your left hand and kisses your knuckles. He sniffs and you smile at his sensitivity; Ed’s never afraid of showing his emotions to you, and you try to do the same with him, even being more difficult for you to open up with him about your feelings.

“Would you like to move in as well?” he asks, his voice trembling a little, bringing his hands back to your waist “You may want to stay in my place when you miss me too much”.

“Are you sure? Being engaged is one thing, but living together is another… And as you say, you won’t even be here, Teddy. This is your home” you state.

“This is our home, babe!” he presses the tip of his nose onto yours and you both smile.

“I’ll think about it!” you bite your lip, laying your head on his shoulder, breathing in his cologne, keeping it in your memory, as you know you won’t be able to do this for a while “We just got engaged. Just let it happen!” you kiss his neck and he pulls you in closer, hugging you tight.

“I’m going to miss you!” he whispers “So am I, love!” you speak against his skin.

…

And Ed was right. After about two weeks he left, you missed him so badly you just grabbed the keys he gave you, organised a few boxes with all your stuff and moved into his house. Of course you called him before to be certain his plans were still on. Well, he was so happy he almost flew back home just to make sure you had everything you needed.

“As if it were yesterday” you answer him.

“So you must remember that I love you, right?” you nod, giving him a side smile “Tell me what’s on your mind, preferably without putting yourself down”.

“Ed, I don’t really think you’d want to hear that…” you start. “I want to know, I need to. Tell me your fears, I’m here for you, document.write(Mariana)” he interrupts you, a serious expression on his beautiful face.

“It’s just…” you sigh, avoiding his eyes “You are perfect, you know? And I am not” you shrug.

“document.write(Mariana), I’m not perfect” he says, taking your left hand from your knee and giving it a gentle squeeze “No one is. I’m human, I have flaws and make mistakes. Like everyone else” he caress the back of your skin.

“I don’t mean this kind of imperfection, Ed” you risk a glimpse at him and you see the confusion on his face “I’m younger than you, Teddy. It wouldn’t be a problem, but you have more experience than me in absolutely everything and you have had other women as experienced as you, the complete opposite of me!”.

“Is it being younger a problem for you?” he frowns “You know…”.

“Babe!” you interrupt him, drawing his attention and he stops talking “I kind of haven’t finished speaking my mind yet” you bite your lip nervously. Is he tired of listening to your complains? You knew this was going to happen, and that’s why you never opens up…

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know. Go ahead!” he blushes slightly, smiling embarrassed, interrupting your thoughts. “It's not exactly about age... I don’t feel… Physically capable of satisfying you” you finally reveal to him, holding your breath, waiting for his reaction. Will he be mad or agree with you?

“What? Why?” you finally look at him and he’s gazing at you, more confused, his very light brows almost meeting each other. “Look at me Ed, I’m not that attractive. Specially comparing myself with your ex-girlfriends”.

“document.write(Mariana), you know I’d never compare you to anyone else, specifically with my ex-girlfriends” he states “And you are attractive. I don’t know how or who made you think like that, but you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen”.

“I think you need to change your glasses then” you say, chuckling, but you frown when he doesn’t show even a fake laugh, his face frozen in a serious look “I meant what I said, baby!” he says, gazing at you as if to prove his words “I am the one who should be asking myself what a young, beautiful lady like you is doing with his old lad here…”.

“No, Teddy! I love you!” you gently place your thumb on his lips, hushing him. “See that, document.write(Mariana)? I love you too. And that’s why I’m with you. I don’t care if you have a third eye or a third boob, I haven’t fallen for you because of your looks, and I bet you haven’t either” he says, with a small smile on his lips.

“It wouldn’t be so hard, you know? Falling for the way you look, Teddy” you play with his fingers that are still involving your hand.

“But have you? Have you fallen for me for the way I look? What was that, then? My scar or my tatoos? My birthmark or my belly?” he jokes, squeezing his soft belly covered by all that coloured tattoos. You grin at him, because the answer is so easy it just slips out of your mouth, without you thinking too much “It was everything” you confess “Not any of these, but all of them together, I’ve fallen for the whole group of things that makes you… Well, you!”.

“See it? And why can’t I love you the same? Why don’t you believe I love all of you? Since your smooth document.write(curly), document.write(yellow) hair, your document.write(hearted) face with your bright document.write(brown) eyes, your little nose, your extremely kissable mouth, this beautiful chest I don’t get to see very often because you rarely wear low-cut clothes. Your breasts I’ve been eager to see for a long time, even if I’m just being able to see their form right now” he winks and you blush, looking down at your boobs, covered by your document.write(blue) bra.

“This nice document.write(soft) belly of yours, I can tell you it is so much better than mine!” he chuckles and you smile timidly “I don’t care the size of it, nor your breasts or thighs size, I just want you, exactly the way you are, babe! All these perfect little things of you!” he grins at you “And I just love when you wear those pair of tight jeans and I can see your good-looking butt swaying around” your mouth opens in an “O” form, perplexed with his audacity, and he starts laughing at your face. This amazing sound you only have been able to hear by interviews or skype chats. The sound you most love to hear in the world; it is so contagious that you instantly starts laughing too, until your belly hurts and your eyes are filled with happiness tears.

“Oh babe!” you wipe the tears from your face and shakes your head, clarifying your mind “What about these things?” you turn your nose up, grabbing the flesh in your tummy, full of white thin strech marks. You got them when your body started to change from childhood to teenage years, and being young and unconcerned about them at the time, made you an insecure woman now that you actually care about them.

“What are those?” he approaches his hands to yours but you snap them before he can touch you. “No…” you hold his hands far from the marks, afraid of what he would feel if he touched them. “Do they hurt?” he asks worried. “Babe, haven’t you heard about strecth marks before?” you frown “Haven’t any of your ex-girlfriends had them?” your eyes wide when you think about this possibility. Were his exes that perfect?. “I don’t know, I mean, they probably had, but I wasn’t really paying attention to this kind of detail” he shrugs “You’re the first one who is actually caring about showing me them. And I’d probably never notice if you hadn’t shown me as well”.

You shake your head, knowing it’d be impossible for him not to see them “document.write(Mariana), it’s truth! All I think about when I see you this way is how perfect you are, and how lucky I am!” he smiles wide, taking you into his arms, sitting you onto his lap and kissing the top of your head. You feel his hands on your bare waist, near the marks and you tremble a little. He starts to trace the area with the tip of his fingers, certainly feeling the strange texture of your skin “It’s so lovely!” he whispers in your head, kissing it once more.

“Are you serious?” you ask in a low tone. You know he wouldn’t mock you for your features, but you hope he’s not liying just to make you feel better.

“Of course I am!” he raises your chin, so you can look at his eyes “I told you, I love all of you!” he grins and you sigh in relief, yawning afterwards “Let’s go upstairs! You must be tired!” he caresses your back, lifting you up on your feet.

“We won’t do anything tonight?” you ask as he stands up beside you.

“I think we should try it another day!” he wraps your waist with his ams and you pout a little bit frustrated “Oh babe, c'mon” he tickles the sides of your body and you throw your head back, laughing “I want you to be comfortable when we become one, document.write(Mariana)!” he leave wet kisses on your exposed neck, making sure to rub his beard on your skin, tickling it until you’re shaking in his arms. “Ed, babe!” you giggle, trying to push him away.

“Yes?” he stops the tickling session to look at you, wiggling his brows and smirking. You just shake your head, gasping a bit “I’m not tired!” you say, but another yawn coming from your mouth betrays you.

Ed smirks “You’re not tired, huh?” you shake your head “document.write(Mariana) don’t worry, 'cause we’ll have a lot of time to do this, baby. The rest of our lives!” he offers his right hand and you accept it “We can do other things, instead” he grabs your both hands, kissing their knuckles “Dance with me?” he asks, giving you one of his Puss in Boots eyes and you just can’t deny anything he asks; not when he does it looking that cute. You are not a very good dancer and neither is Ed. But it is one of these activities you know you can do together and alone, preferably, because no one will judge or make fun of you both.

You chuckle, nodding and he takes the cushions from the ground back to the sofa, afterwards pushing the table from the center to the corner of the room. Ed then walks to the radio, pressing some buttons to choose a song.

You grin when the first chords of one of your favourite songs, Guiding Light, starts to play. It is your favourite version of the song, only Ed singing (though you love Foy’s version as well) from a gig he played on thousands of years ago (8 to be more exact).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6elKkAP33Z0

Ed walks back to you, grabbing your waist and holding you thightly against his body. You feel his bare and coloured soft chest and belly pressed to yours (although your chest is still covered). His hands lower to the small of your back and you raise yours to his nape, playing with the little orange curls there.

“I love you, document.write(Mariana)!” he whispers, caressing your skin, and you shiver with his touch.

“I love you too, Ed!” you close your eyes, resting your head on his chest, being able to feel his steady heartbeats through his skin. Ed starts leading the dance in a slow rhythm, following the song and you move your feet carefully, not wanting to step on his. Your head is close to the lion tattoo, and you lower your right hand, caressing the face of the animal.

He hums the song, his face on your hair, sending vibrations through your whole body. It’s so good being able to hear him so close, in private. You don’t make any sound, not only because you can’t sing, but because you just want to take your time, enjoying the recorded song and the live murmurs Ed’s been letting out.

Ed lifts you up a bit, so your feet are over his, and you chuckle when you realise you were moving too slow, even for the song. He chuckles as well, looking down at you, his blue eyes shinning bright like you’ve never seen before and you sigh, a little smile making its appearance in the corner of your mouth. Even in this position, you’re still shorter than him, but it doesn’t bother any of you, as he lowers his head to give you a gentle kiss, moving his lips on yours with tenderness and love.

You close your eyes, as he does the same, licking your lower lip and you open your mouth, receiving his tongue with satisfaction. He doesn’t stop moving as you kiss, and now you’re in a better rhythm, actually dancing along with the song. You raise your right hand, that was still on his chest, meeting the other, and you caress his nape with the tip of your fingers, noticing him shift under your touch, feeling goosebumps, which makes you smile between the kiss, thinking about the effects you cause on him.

When you need to breath, Ed presses his forehead onto yours, his eyes still closed, a playful smile on his lips and you giggle with the sight of him, seemingly as happy as you are “Thank you, Teddy!” you say, low. He opens his blue eyes and nods, squeezing your waist a bit, and you know he understood what you meant. You’re thankful he’s helping to bring your confidence back, or even build it, carefully, with no pressure.

“Whenever you need, babe!” he sweetly kisses the top of your head “I’ll always be here for you”. And you are sure if it now.

You smile, knowing his words are true, letting all your fears disappear as you dance around the center of the room, as the song starts reaching its highest point with Ed beating the guitar and asking for the crowd to sing along. The lyric makes its way from your brain to your own heart. It’s perfectly matching your situation. He’s so much more than your fiancé, he’s your half, your anchor¹. He’s literally the light who’s always showing you the way back home, back to yourself.

You keep dancing until the last second, looking into each other’s eyes, feeling the song deepen in your hearts, and you know you’ll be his as forever as he’ll be yours!

¹This anchor thing is something I got from Teen Wolf {the TV show}, I hope you all had understood what I meant by that :o) (Though in the series, we learn that we must be our own anchor, in this situation, Ed being her anchor doesn’t mean the reader is not capable of taking care of herself, he’s there to support her like he’s stressed all the time! I’d have written “half anchor” there, but that wasn’t the moment, the reader was enjoying her dance and finally believing she was enough for our Ed and I didn’t want that scene to be too much heavy/serious. It’s just a couple enjoying each other after so long apart; as the reader “discovering herself as a beautiful and worthy person) Be your own anchor, people!

Sorry for the long note again!!

A/N: Hey people, good morning(?) (it’s almost 1 and a half am in Brazil)! Let me know what you are your thoughts about this first chapter. Should I write the second one? I’m so anxious to know your opinion 'cause it was really special, for me, to write about our Teddy! And I’m a little unsure if I’ve done it correctly. I wanted to "make” him kind of mixed by two things: °the way I think/imagine he’s most of the time; °and the way he shows himself to everyone (by what I have seen during interviews and gigs, by his lyrics and etc)

Also, the story/series name is Guiding Light just because I was watching Ed’s gig in the Roundhouse (2014) and I reminded myself how much I f* love this song, then I had the idea of the dancing scene, and I needed a song played/or not by Ed, that didn’t have a direct connection with his ex-girlfriends, but at the same time, could be a parallel to Perfect (which is part of the chapter name anyways :).

So… this song just perfectly matched what I was looking for, and I hope it makes sense to you! (I’m terrible in making up titles and all). I think I explained a lot of what’s on my mind in these notes, I’m very sorry if it was boring for you. If you think this is unnecessary, please, let me know, and I will reduce them! But I think it is important to stress some things when we write.

I also need to know if you think I should keep the Some Considerations section in every chapter or only in the first one! About the next chapter: It took about 5 days for me to write the story completely, + 1 (today) to add some details and other stuff, so, it’s probably the time I’ll take to write the next one, as well. But, I won’t be home from this Friday to Sunday, so, if I count six days from the days I’ll be available to write, I’ll probably post the next chapter on the next week, Friday, September 6th! (it can be before or after it).

Leave me your questions, comments and anything else you want in my inbox! Follow me, as well, if you want! My twitter account, if you want to follow me there too: @maripattinson_ (it’s in Portuguese, but everything related to imagines is posted in English!).

Sorry for any misspelled words, I’ve done my best to correct everything I could find during my readings!

Thank you for your support!

X