#don't ask where the pilot season went I couldn't find it

[celiamae99]

season 1, episode 1 : the one with the pilot

TW: included but not limited to: mentions of death, PTSD, underage sex, family issues, mentions of sex, funerals, (sorry if I missed any)

We were all in Spencer's barn, laughing and giggling, even though there was a huge storm going on outside. I had gotten there moments before and took my spot next to Hanna. While all six of us were best friends, Hanna and I were the closest to each other. She passed me a cup of whatever they were drinking and I took a huge drink. We were all there, Emily, Hanna, Aria, Spencer, and me. The only person missing - Alison.

All of the sudden, the lights and music went off. We all kind of freaked out internally for a moment.

"What was that?" Emily asked, speaking up.

Spencer answered, "It must be the storm." Always there with the logical answer. There was a noise out there that sounded like a squeak and Hanna and I grabbed each other's hand.

"Something out there," Aria insisted and right after she said that, the barn door opened and we all jumped. We all got up and huddled together. As we got closer, there was a loud blair and Alison jumped out at us.

"Gotcha!" She smiled at us.

"Ahh!" We all screamed at her.

"That's so not funny, Alison!" Spencer huffed at her but we all laughed and sat back down.

"Ali, did you download the new Beyonce?" Hanna asked her. "Lily just got around to it."

"Not yet!"

"I'm loving her new video!" Emily said, excitedly.

"Maybe a little too much, Em?" Alison poked at her suggestively, and I rolled my eyes. ALi gave the glass that we were drinking out of to Aria. "You turn, go on." Ali encouraged.

Aria took a bigger drink than normal, which caused Spencer to warn, "Careful Aria. Take too much and you'll tell us all your secrets."

"Friends share secrets," Alison told us. "That's what keeps us close. Drink up." She told us as Aria passed the glass back to Hanna and me.

"I promise I tell you the most," I whispered to Hanna.

"Ditto," She held out her pinky to me and I took it with mine and squeezed it. "You're the only one who knows about Sean."

"You're the only one who knows about Noel."

"What, what?" I asked grogally.

"Where's Ali and Spencer?" Hanna asked us.

"We don't know," Aria told us.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I demanded, they couldn't just be gone.

I got up and went to the door, just as Spencer came back into the barn.

"Ali?" Aria asked Spencer, wondering where our blonde friend was.

Spencer looked confused. "She's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?" Aria asked, all of us growing confused.

"I've looked everywhere for her. I think I heard her scream." Spencer told us.

"We need to find her!" I demanded.

ONE YEAR LATER

"Dad!" I yelled, getting my backpack ready for school. "Have you seen my water bottle?"

"It's right here," He called from the kitchen. "You never wash it and I took it upon myself to do so for you like the good father that I am." He told me coming into the living room and handing me the water bottle, which was full of water and ice.

"You're the best," I smiled at him. "I'd be lost without you."

"Now that's what my ego needed to hear today."

I rolled my eyes. "Take it while you can because I'm not feeding it anymore."

"You say that, but we both know that's only going to last until you need something."

I laughed at my dad. "Very true, Dad."

"Knock, knock." Noel Kahn said at the door. 

"Oh great, your boyfriend the jock is here."

"Dad!" I protested and he rolled his eyes and went back into the kitchen. It was no secret that my dad did not like Noel and he made it very obvious.

"Hey, don't sweat it." He said coming over to me. "I just haven't wooed him over yet."

I sighed, very annoyed with my dad. "You say that every time, and yet, here we are, a year later."

He threw his million dollar smile at me, which by default, made me smile. "Let's go to school. We need to get you to voice lessons with Mrs. Shelton and you don't want to be late."

"That is very true." I told him, putting my arms around his middle and hugging him tightly. He put his arm around my shoulder and rested his chin on my head. "Dad!" I called to him.

"Yeah, here's your lunch and your protein shake." He said walking into the living room. "And because I'm feeling nice, I made your boyfriend one." He eyed Noel, who had taken a step away from me when Dad came into the room.

"Thanks, Mr. Grey. I really appreciate that. I have practice today so it will be nice to have the extra protein."

"I still don't like you. I'm working on it."

"Dad!"

"I'm trying!" Dad defended  himself.

"It's fine, Lily." Noel promised me.

"I can be in a room with him now." Dad pointed out.

"Before he couldn't even stand to see my name on your phone." Noel concurred. I shook my head before hugging my dad and leaving with Noel.

"He's impossible," I sighed, buckling myself in the front seat of Noel's car.

"He loves you." Noel told me as he pulled out of the driveway and headed to school.

"And I love him. And you!" Noel pulled over at the library. "What?" I asked, confused to why he stopped. He stared at me for a second. "Seriously, what?"

He put one hand in my hair and the other grasped the side of my neck and he pulled me into a hot, passionate kiss. When we finally pulled away, I was dazed and needed to catch my breath. 

"I love you too," Noel told me before pulling away and driving the rest of the way to school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noel and I walked into our English class together and I spotted Hanna and Mona. I sent Hanna a small smile before sitting next to Noel. I looked around the classroom to see who was in it with us and my eyes widened slightly when I saw Aria sitting next to Emily. I had no clue that she was back. I sent them a smile as I saw Spencer and Andrew trail in. Spencer took the open spot next to me before turning and talking to Andrew.

"So, I was thinking that tonight maybe we could go somewhere for supper, ya know, to celebrate. And then maybe head up to the cabin?"

I turned my attention away from my old friends and looked at my boyfriend. "Yeah! That sounds great. Maybe we finally dip into that bottle of red that your brother gave us." I smiled at him. 

"And then maybe we'll sit in the hot tub?"

"I think we could do a lot more than sitting." Noel winked at me and I blushed. How did he still have this affect on me a year later?

I bit my lip as the new teacher came in. He wrote his name on the board Mr. Fitz. When he turned around, his eyes landed on Aria.

"Oh crap." He said, and we all looked at each other confused and then to Aria. Her phone rings, which makes her embarrassed.

"Sorry." She said quietly, looking at her phone.

"I'm Mr. Fitz, your new English teacher."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After class, I made my way to the hallway. Noel and I stopped at my locker. Realizing we had a few minutes, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and pulled Noel into kiss me.

He groaned into my mouth, turning and pressing me into the locker. "Let's skip second and go to my car." I giggled against his mouth as he pulled me with him out of school. I sent Spencer and Emily a smile as we walked through the hallway to the doors.

His seat was all the way back, so I climbed in after him and planted myself on his lap and kissed him hard. He ran his hands from my arms down to my ass, squeezing, making me moan into his mouth. His tongue wandered in and took the control he knew he had. I panted as he kissed down my neck, to my collar bone, to my breasts. I grinded on him, trying to find friction. I pulled his mouth back to mine and we kissed heavily. Eventually, our clothes came off, and the rest was history.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After our car sex, I made my way to third period, one of the few periods I didn't share with Noel. I looked around and noticed the only spot open was next to Hanna. I slid in.

My phone buzzed. Thinking it was Noel, I pulled it out to respond right away, but it wasn't. 

Having sex with your boyfriend in his car during school? Naughty, naughty. - A

Who the hell was A? Alison? That was how she signed all her texts and notes. I was so confused. I pushed it out of my mind, thinking about the first time Noel and I had a real conversation. It was all thanks to Hanna.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

flashback to 2010

"Okay girls, we have a strict schedule to stay on today." My dad told us as we slid into the back seat of the car. "We are only doing school supplies."

"Dad, we have to get coffee. It's like, a right of passage." I told him.

"Yeah, Dr. Grey. It's essential."

"You guys are fifteen, you're too young for coffee." Dad argued. "And you can call me Mark. Dr. Grey is too formal. Only my patience call me that." It was true, my dad was a doctor.

"Please, you know you want an espresso from The Brew." I laughed when he signed. We won.

"Alright, but just coffee. We're having a family dinner thing tonight with Ashley." Ah yes. Since Hanna's dad had left, twice a week we had been having family dinner with Hanna and her mom. It was nice. Ashley was practically a mother to me, and I hoped that Hanna saw my dad that way.

Hanna and I walked into The Brew together and waited in line to place our orders.

"I can't believe that school is starting in less than a week." I sighed in annoyance. "I feel like summer just started."

"Yeah but at least at school, you can see Noel more often."

"Hanna! Shut up!" I scolded her. "Remind me again why I told you I like Noel?"

"Because I'm your best friend."

"True." I nodded, thoughtfully. "And keeping anything from you is hard."

"Also true, and same."

"Can I take your order?" The barista asked us.

"I'd like a medium iced chai latte with 1% milk, and a medium dark roast espresso with half and half. Hanna?"

"Um, a small iced pumpkin spice latte with skim milk." She said timidly.

"Make it a medium, and do 1% milk." I told the barista.

"You don't have to do that," Hanna argued. "I'm trying to lose weight."

"Your total is $10.50." The barista told me, and I handed him my dad's card.

"You don't need to lose weight." I argued back, signing the receipt and giving it back.

"Yes, I do. Sean will never like me if I'm fat. And Ali said it would be good for me."

"Ali doesn't know anything. She's a size zero. It's okay to not be a size zero. I'm not a size zero"

"Ohh, look, there's Noel." I glanced at where Hanna was looking. She was right. Noel was there. He walked over to us.

"Hey Hanna, Lily. How are you both?"

I froze. What should I say? I couldn't say anything.

"We're good." Hanna nudged me in the side.

"Ha, yeah. Good." I whispered. Oh my God. This was terrible.

"Well, I'm excited to see you more, now that we're going to be going back to school." Noel said, looking directly at me. I was going to pass out.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll have to compare schedules." I mustered up.

"Hopefully, all of our classes are together." He threw his million dollar smile at me and my legs went weak. "You have my number, right?"

"Right." I nodded.

"Lily?" The barista called. I sighed in disappointment.

"I'll get them... you guys ... keep doing whatever this is." Hanna told me.

"Well, I'll make sure to text you my schedule. Maybe we could be study buddies." Noel licked his lips.

"Yeah. Yeah. We could ... study." I said shrugging as indifferently as I could, my insides screaming.

"I'll see you around."

"See you." I turned to see Hanna smirking at me. "Not one word." I threatened her.

"I didn't say anything."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You okay?" Hanna asked me quietly as Mr. Nelson walked into our Geometry class.

"Huh?" I asked her, she shook me out of my gaze.

"Are you okay? Your phone buzzed and you spaced out."

"What? Oh, yeah, it was nothing." I dismissed. I pulled out my red notebook and binder.

"Are you sure?" She prodded me. Normally, I would be frustrated with the questioning, but it was Hanna. Hanna and I may not be as close anymore, at one point she was my best friend. And that didn't just go away because we grew apart.

"Yeah, just a text." I smiled slightly  at her. "No worries, Hanna."

She smiled back before pulling out her matching red notebook and binder. "I see we still have red for math."

I laughed at her. "English is blue?"

"Science is green."

"History is yellow," We said together and giggled.

"Is there a problem ladies?" Mr. Nelson asked us, glaring slightly.

"Absolutely not." We said in sync.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

flashback to 2010

"Why do you both have all the same colored stuff?" My dad asked us.

"Because each school class has a certain color." Hanna explained to my dad.

"It does not," He countered, staring at us like we were crazy.

"It does too," I agreed with Hanna. "Math is red."

"English is blue." Hanna jumped in.

"Science is green."

"History is yellow." We said in sync. We looked at each other and giggled.

"Good Lord, you two are going to be the death of me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dad, we haven't had a family dinner since like last year."

"Which is why we are doing it again. It will be good for everybody."

"Will it? Because it doesn't seem like it."

"You and Hanna used to be so close, what happened?"

"Nothing happened Dad." I sighed, leaning back into Noel's car as I waited for him. "I was hoping to go to Noel's tonight."

"Yeah, it's a school night. Not going to happen."

"So let me just clarify, I can go to Hanna's but not Noel's?

"I'm glad you understand."

"I don't understand and I don't like this."

"I'll meet you there at 5:00, okay?" Before I could argue further, he hung up on me. How rude, I thought.

Noel got into the car and leaned over and kissed me.

"So, we on for tonight?"

"No. I have to go to a family dinner with Hanna and her mom and my dad. It's going to be awful."

"You and Hanna need to stop ignoring each other and be friends again." Noel told me as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"You don't get to agree with my dad on this!" I protested, pulling out my phone to see if there was a message from Hanna on picking anything up.

"All I am saying is that Hanna is still your friend and as much as I love you, I need you to be friends with her again so I can stop learning about girl talk."

"That's just rude. You should want to know when I'm horny and when I have my period!"

"Babe, your sex drive is constant. Just like mine. I know when you get your period because we've been together for a year."

"I know, I just wanted to be with you tonight." I was disappointed, but also some part of me was happy to be with Hanna and her mom. Dad and Noel were right, Hanna was my friend, my best friend, at one point. Maybe we could get that back.

"And we'll have all weekend together at the cabin." Noel promised me. "Right now, go be with Hanna. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?"

"I love you, Noel Kahn." I told him, smiling.

He smiled back at me. "I love you too, Lily Grey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into Hanna's familiar house and was hit with a million different memories.

"Mom?" Hanna called. "Is that you?"

"No, it's uh, it's Lily."

"Oh. I thought you guys were coming later?"

"Ah, no. Dad said to come now and that he would be here after work. I hope that's okay. I can call Noel to come get me if it isn't?" I said awkwardly. Why was it so awkward between us? It never use to be.

"No, no. It's fine. I'm actually glad that you're here."

"Okay, because if it's not, I can..."

"I want you here." She smiled at me and I sighed in relief.

"Okay, good. Because I really have to get through this math homework and I don't understand it at all."

"Then you're in good company because I have no idea what I'm doing either." She smiled at me. 

"The island is cleaned off, and my stuff is already out."

We went into her kitchen and struggled through the math homework.

"So, I saw you ditched second period." She said as we wrote out the next problem.

"Yeah, it was just health." I said, trying to brush it off. It took me back to that message I got from A. It was still bothering me. Who was A? Was A even a who? Or was it a what?

"You skipped health class to do the nasty with Noel?" I looked at her and blinked.

"It's a form of health!" I defended myself.

"Whatever you say, you better use protection though."

"Hanna! We are not having this conversation!"

"What conversation?" Her mom asked and we both looked at each other and froze.

"Uh," I said.

"Um," she said.

"Well?" Ashley asked us. "I'm waiting."

"I was reminding Lily to use protection." Hanna blurted and my eyes went as wide as saucers.

"Hanna!" I yelled, shocked at her for telling her mom that I was having sex.

"It's true! You didn't get the mom sex talk so I'm giving you my version." She was on the defense now.

"That doesn't mean you tell your mom!"

"Okay, that's enough. You two still bicker like sisters. Good Lord." She took a deep breath before looking at me. "You - I don't like that you're having sex. I don't like it at all."

I pursed my lips and looked down at my hands. "But if you are, Hanna's right. You need to be using protection. Every time. It's only going to take one time for an accident to happen. Are you on the pill?"

I bit my lip. "I don't want Dad to know I'm having sex."

Ashley was quiet for a moment. "I'll talk to your dad."

I looked at her, still biting my lip. "Are you sure?"

"If it means you are on the pill, yes I will." She turned to Hanna. "I appreciate you telling Lily to use protection, but maybe next time, leave that conversation to me." Hanna looked at me before apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Lily Bean."

"I'm sorry for getting mad Hanna Banana."

"Now that that's settled. Let's cook!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we were setting the table, my dad came in. "Hi everybody."

"Hi," We all chorused as we sat down.

"I ran into Ella Montgomery today. Why didn't you tell me Aria was back?" She asked Hanna.

"It's not like we're still friends." Hanna told her mom.

"She didn't know your father left. I hate telling that story." I glanced at my dad. Family dinner, family feelings.

"So change the story." I spoke up. I told Hanna that all the time when her dad first left.

"I did. I changed the story. You grew up. You grew apart. It was mutual, and, honestly, We are much happier without him." Hanna finished my thought.

"Hanna." Her mom said, knowing that Hanna was unhappy that her dad left. 

"Say it enough, and you'll actually start to believe it."

"Fake it til you make it," I nodded. That was always my motto.

Ashley responded, "Well, I have to admit, it does sound a lot better than the truth."

"Not everybody always needs to know the truth." My dad pointed out.

"Nobody needs to know that we got dumped." Hanna told us.

"We" didn't get dumped. I did." Ashley clarified.

"He left both of us." Hanna reminded her.

"She's right," My dad added. “When a parent and spouse leave, they leave both the spouse and the child." He was referring to when my mother left the two of us.

"Not that it makes it any less weird to say," I mumbled, taking a small bite. Dad gave me a look, causing me to look at Hanna. "But it's true. Parents dump their children all the time. Give it time, and you'll be glad you're with your mom and not your dad. I know I'm happy with Dad." I gave her a small smile before grinning at my dad. "I'm here if you want to talk about it." I told Hanna, turning my gaze back to her.

"Thanks," She said gratefully.

Hanna receives a text, which irritated Ashley. "If that's Mona, I'm staging an intervention."

"It's Spencer."

"Spencer?" I asked in confusion. "What does Spencer want?"

"Hanna. It's dinnertime." As she finished, her phone rang and she picked up. "It's Ashley. Yes, I left it on your desk. Mm-hmm."

The doorbell rang, causing Hanna and I to open the door together. It was the police. 

"Hanna Marin?" He asked her.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Is your mother home?"

Ashley and my dad come up behind us.

Ashley told whoever was on the phone, "Let me call you back." And hung up. "What's this about?"

We received a call from Rosewood Mall Security. They have your daughter on tape shoplifting a pair of sunglasses."

My eyes widened and I turned to Hanna.

"I'm sure there's been a mistake." Ashley tried to smooth things over. 

"I don't think so. Could you turn around?" He put the handcuffs on Hanna.

Hanna looked at her mom and my dad. "Mom, Dr. Grey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After they took Hanna out, we turned to look at Ashley.

"We have to go get her." I said immediately, grabbing my coat.

"You guys don't have to come -" Ashley started to say.

"I'm coming." I said defiantly. "Hanna needs me right now."

"Okay," Ashley said, nodding.

"I'll drive, okay?" My dad said and we all left the Marin house. We got into my dad's truck and headed to the police station to get Hanna.

Ashley was talking to an officer in his office while my dad talked to Hanna. Hanna reached for a candy, but stopped when she got a text. She drew her hand away and went back to talking with my dad, a distant look on her face. Ashley came out of the office and marched over to Hanna and my dad, I walked up behind Hanna.

"What's going on?" Hanna asked, confused.

"Let's go." Ashley told us.

"Really?" Hanna asked.

"Did you talk to the officer?" Dad asked.

"What did they say?" I asked.

We all went out and got into Dad's truck. Behind us, police cars bustled around, going a little crazy. 

"In a small town like this, What people think about you matters." Ashley told Hanna as Dad started the truck.

"I know." Hanna told her, looking out the back window.

"Then why would you risk it all to steal a pair of sunglasses? Hanna, I buy you everything you need to be popular." I glanced at my phone, updating Noel and trying to forget that I was there. Dad focused on driving.

"That's not why I do it." Hanna protested.

"Then why do? This is something you do?" Ashley interrogated her.

"A few times." 

"This is about your father, isn't it? You think this is going to get his attention?" She prodded and I squeezed Hanna's hand.

"I made a mistake." Hanna pleaded.

"In rosewood, you don't have room to make a mistake." My dad told her.

"And neither do I." Ashley added on.

"I'm sorry. I'll fix it somehow."

"You will deny you did anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding." I was confused.

"But..." Hanna tried to say but she was cut off.

"I'm taking care of it."

"Because that's what parents do." My dad added, the rest of the ride was silent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We all got out at mine and Dad's house because there were sirens going off and a bunch of police officers in Alison's backyard. We crossed over to her street and saw that the coroner was there too.

Hanna and I stood together until we saw Aria and Spencer together and walked over there.

"I heard the cops take Hanna to the police station today." Aria told Spencer.

"You don't think she'd ever talk about..."

"The Jenna thing? We made a promise." Hanna told them.

"A promise that we will take to our grave." I responded. I was annoyed that they thought Hanna would tell the police about The Jenna Thing. She would never do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I ended up spending the night at Hanna's because my dad got called in for an emergency surgery.

We were listening to the TV when we heard Ashley come in. She was kissing the police officer she was talking to at the station. Hanna and I glanced at each other but didn't say a thing. Hanna turned the TV back on to drown out any noises.

My phone dinged and I took it out, hoping it was Noel. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

Hanna's in big trouble, but at least her Mommy is here to clean up her mess. Don't you wish you had a Mommy to clean up yours? Oh wait - you do - but she left you. -A

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was holding Noel's hand tightly as we walked into the church. I hated this.

"I'm -" I gestured to the girls.

"Go," He told me, kissing my forehead. "I'll find you after." He promised me and walked to the front of the church.

I walked up to the casket. I glanced at the picture of her and then back at the casket. She was in there. Alison was dead. My brain couldn't wrap around the fact that she was really dead. I knew she was missing, and part of me thought that we would always find her. That she'd come back to us.

Spencer came up and squeezed my hand before leading me over to where the girls were all sitting. I sat in between her and Hanna.

"Poor Ali." Emily said sadly.

"Can you believe what a scene this is?" Hanna asked. She was right, there were tons of people here.

"Alison would have loved it." Aria admitted. It was true. Alison loved attention.

"Popular in life and death." Spencer commented.

"It's immortality, just like she always wanted." I said softly.

Hanna gave a phial of alcohol to Emily, who tried to reject it. "No thanks. I don't--"

"Today, I think you do. Pass it to Lily when you're done." Then, Aria's cell phone rings. The girls look at her terrified. I took a big drink from the phial.

"Anyone we know?" Hanna finally asked.

"No, it's just my mom sending me a text." She paused for a second before looking at us. "Emily and I aren't the only ones Who got messages from "A," are we?"

Spencer turns around and looks at the door. "Oh, my God. It's Jenna." We all turned to look at her.

"What is she doing back here in Rosewood?" I asked quietly. "If she's back..." I trailed off when Mrs. DeLaurentis, Alison's mother, sat down next to us.

"Did you see that Jenna Marshall was here? I didn't realize she and Ali were friends."

"They weren't." Spencer told her before the funeral started.

"The lord giveth and the lord taketh away." The minister told the crowd.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ceremony finished and we all exited the church. The police officer that Hanna's mom slept with approached us.

"Emily, Spencer, Lily, Aria and Hanna."

"Do we know you?" Spencer asked him.

"I'm Detective Wilden. I understand you were all good friends with the victim." He stated. I already did not like this man.

"Yeah, we were." Aria told him and we nodded in agreement.

"I'm gonna need to talk to each one of you." He told us.

"Why?" I demanded.

"Yeah, we talked to the police when Alison went missing."

"And I intend to go over every one of your statements. This is no longer a missing persons investigation. It's a murder. Rest assured, I will find out what happened that summer." \

"I don't like him. He gives me the ick." I told the girls as Detective Wilden walked away from us.

We watched as Jenna got into a car. Aria asked, "Do you think he knows about?" She trailed off.

"No. How could he?" Hanna asked.

"We never told anybody else what happened." I reminded them.

All of our phones rang. We pulled them out and looked at the message.

"Oh, my god!" Aria panicked. 

"It's from--" Hanna mumbled. My heart clenched.

"I got one too." Emily told us.

"I'm still here, bitches -" Spencer started reading the text.

The rest of us chimed in to finish. "...And I know everything. A'."

[indra-istari]

Thoughts While Watching Every Ninjago Season (s1 edition)

(excuse my spelling i did most of this while tired)

Episode 1: Rise of the Snakes

The intro is good, specifically the music but the end card makes them look like a sitcom family

these seasons go through cycles of being unable to do things competently and being op

ooo Lord Garmadon

That is a fucking child, an annoying one at that.

I love how the fake snakes sound like a

What's a wife's tale? Why do only wives have tales?

Publicly Humiliates Child → Child Becomes Evil

Oh, Green Ninja prophecy

The Green Ninja prophecy will cause internal conflict within the team

"no one has ever found the tomb of a serpentine tribe" Lloyd *finds one almost immediately after being tossed out of a village for pretending to have control of the serpentine

Ah yes, they are going to use their extremely powerful weapons that can literally rip apart the world for sparring

The old man yells at them

Now Lloyd has actual serpentine, they have mind control powers too, funky

Spirit Smoke? Never mention that ever again

Kai is a Serpentine denier, how tf does Nya know that the antivenom is in the staff?

Zane "we can't use our golden weapons" Zane *uses golden weapons*

That dude who tried to control Cole is going to cause problems later

Teach us! Teach us! these idiots are stupid

I was right, Cole's partially mind-controlled

Episode 2: Home

The rest of the Ninja after saying Zane is weird because he laughs during sad movies.

Do they have Fan Mail?

Oh Zane's an orphan

Oh that snake guy is named Scales, that's stupid as fuck

"Snakes don't belong in trees"

Bird!

"If I see one girl in here, I'm going to go ballistic" Lloyd is in his woman-hating arc

Zane's arc rn is just Neurodivergent in a house of Neurotypicals

Cole's mind control is a problem.

Jay almost pulled a Peter Petrelli

So they decided to not leave anyone behind to guard the monastery? idiots

They have no home.

They decided to blame Zane for destroying their homes even though he couldn't have known the snakes would go for the monastery.

The snakes are fighting for command of the tribe

Scales got wombified

I miss Zane. Zane! No Zane! *Zane shows us*

He found a fucking sky boat

Lloyd is stalking them

Episode 3: Snakebit

Wake up call is "Evil doesn't sleep so you shouldn't"

the Chore episode

Using their powers to clean things

"He hates it when we tell people he was born in a junkyard"

God, I hate parents episodes

Ed is the name of my dead uncle.

Which ones are these? oh the vampire snakes!

Lloyd is an annoying motherfucker

They have hotel Transylvania vibes

oh his parents are here, which means they are going to die.

They chew on machines and the machines turn into snakes

Jay has a crush on Nya and Nya is Kai's brother

They are migrating? of course, dragons are so unreliable

"Hello Uncle" Lloyd is so annoying

I think Nya is going to be the green ninja

Their weapons can turn into vehicles??

"Does your flute turn into anything? *looks at flute* "I wish"

The boat can fly

The staff slid out of the cabin and off the ship into the Vampire snake's hands

Episode 4: Never Trust a Snake

Zane is having a Dream

Lord Garmadon!

Green Ninja is Kai?

They are punished by training more

Scales and the Vampire Snakes are friends?

Green Ninja has all of their attributes so Zane's dream is pointless in the context of finding the Green Ninja's identity

Lloyd is going to the Anacondrai place and he met a British dude

This British snake guy is sus, he wants to eat Lloyd

We both have no friends? Cool! Let's be friends!

A stupid child is going to break the world

Boarding school time.

Lloyd is paranoid

elevator music

SNAKE BETRAYAL

THE SNAKE DISAPPEARED

L for Lloyd's bowl cut

Episode 5: Can of Worms

I bet Lloyd is messing with everyone

I hate children

Zane is pink

Why does Kai hate Nya so much

smh they are flirting

"But this is the mountain of a million steps

They just went inside but there are snakes on the loose

Snakes say Musicians dni

Uh oh

Kai's worst fear is gingerbread clown elves

They are gonna die

That red bitch after knocking tf out of the ninja after saving them

Kai is high

They are stupid as hell

skydiving without a parachute

Zane is still pink

Scales knows he knows, he knows

Let us blow this popsicle stand!

Ice vs snake, Ice wins

Fridge snakes

Episode 6: Snake King

a lost city?

Damn that's a big city

Green Ninja arguments

Lloyd gets the box

The samurai did their job for them

Sensi Wu loves Ferris wheels

They are all fucking stupid

Kai is being an older sibling to Lloyd

That child is sneaking into snake town

Lloyd fucked up

they didn't realize that Lloyd is missing

idiots walked right into a trap

They are fighting the samurai

Creation tornado

The samurai just saved them big time

Mans got the golden weapons

Kai's separated

the samurai is Nya?

They just let Lloyd stay there with Pythor

AYYY Kai!

Sensei Wu Knows

Episode 7: Tick Tock

Zane is sitting underwater petting fish like Percy Jackson

Oh they are True potential

L for Lloyd

Sensi Wu is off to find "someone who can help"

Snake politics

Kai is just like 'he, she samurai"

The bird!??

really good music for literally no reason

slowly, everyone is leaving and it will only be Zane

Kai isn't giving up

THE FALCON IS A ROBOT??

ANOTHER ROBOT?

That tree is a house

many stairs

ZANE IS A ROBOT???

Sensei Wu is buying tea from a mean old lady

Wait if Zane is a robot how does he use spinjitzu

oh a memory switch, how convenient

Zane's creator died

The Queen!

Zane is op

The snakes are plotting

Sensei Wu is doing some weird tea ritual

LORD GARMADON???????

Episode 8: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Of course, Jay is wearing perfume and Nya is allergic to it

This is awkward

Oh she's going to die

That bug became a snake

Sensei Wu and Garamdon are fighting like a dysfunctional family, oh wait

Sensei Wu is trying to talk t him but all Garmadon knows is murder

at least he cares about Lloyd

They are brothers

Ah yes, an amusement park

Jay is trying to flirt but he's turning into a snake

Date ruined.

Date not ruined

So Garmadon is evil because of a snake

They are so awkward

Jay dissing the samurai when Nya is the Samurai is the most awkward thing ever

Jay is turning into a snake

Hallucinations

Zane fucked up his true potential stuff

Samurai saves everyone again

Oop, Pythor unveiled Nya

They are going to execute Nya

Nya comes out as the samurai

True Love's kiss saves the day

True potential moment

they're gaslighting Kai

Brothers Vacation

Episode 9: The Royal Blacksmiths

using children as bait

Kai is the jealous one

Cole has a picture of the fang blade

Lying to your parents is fun

Climbing a mountain for family bonding

the mountain became a man

use the bell, son

Cole's dad is annoying

oh they can't sing

Cole's dad is going to train them

"Zane, you're like a machine" CRYING he looks so proud of himself

Pythor and Scales are flirting

I feel like something bad is going to happen between Garmadon and Wu

I was right

when you're farming and a fucking vortex opens up

oh boy, he is coming out to his dad as a ninja

Pythor ate the real Judge and is impersonating him

Zane has butterflies in his stomach

they are performing the theme song

They won!

Cole's dad is proud of him :)

PYTHOR TRIED TO KILL COLES DAD

Kai's still in his 'I'm the green ninja' mindset

Episode 10: The Green Ninja

I think this episode will reveal the green ninja

we start with someone in red clothing stealing the green ninja suit

maybe its cole bc they show the scythe blade

oh Cole is fighting serpentine

so is Jay, so this is either Kai or Nya

It's not Nya

God Kai, you're so embarrassing

SENSEI WU IS HOME!!

"Zane's a nindroid" "Zane's a what?"

Lord Garmadon appeared!

"But Sensei! he has 4 arms!" Love you, Zane

He is a smug mf

He's pure evil but he's still Wu's brother

Kai's impulsive

Me when I sharpen my teeth with a knife

and eat evil worms

When you're on a date but then the Lord of Darkness starts third wheeling you

When you're trying to sleep but your roommate is pondering the orb

Falcon theme my beloved

oh a volcano

dumbass

Nya green ninja arc???? please??

Kai is a fucking idiot

Cole is the reasonable one

GARMADON HAS ALL THE GOLDEN WEAPONS UH OH

Because fucking Kai is a fucking idiot

The volcano is about to explode and they are going in it.

Lloyd! Son! Son! STFU Son!

Of course, they see the ninja in the reflection

THAT SNAKE JUST GOT THROWN INTO FUCKING LAVA AND HE'S OKAY????? WHAT THE FUCK

Idiot Kai took out his Golden Weapon and activated the Volcano

The snakes destabilized the volcano

Lord Garmadon may be evil but at least he cares about his son, unlike my parents who

That is a fucking dramatic show for a lego show

Kai and his self-sacrificial act

LLOYD IS FALLING AGAIN L

Damn Garmadon, 4 hands, and you still can't catch your son

They left Lloyd and Kai in the volcano

Garmadon is screaming crying rn

It's Kai! and Lloyd! Kai's finally got his true potential powers!

Kai passed the fuck out lol

"Dad, is it really you" "yes son" "Dad, why do you have 4 arms?"

what? Kai: "my training wasn't to become the green ninja, it was to protect him" that means that Lloyd is the green ninja?

HOW TF DID HE FIGURE OUT THAT LLOYD WAS THE GREEN NINJA THAT MAKES NO SENSE

Wait Lloyd has been around the golden weapons multiple times what the fuck do you mean the weapons only react now

Lloyd chose one arc

Oh that means he has to fight his dad

The fang blade didn't melt?

Shit writing tbh

Episode 11: All of Nothing

They are all harassing one snake

this snake is like "i hate you" "no i don't hate you"

But they don't have noses

Zane can connect his eyes to the Falcon :D

Garmadon and Lloyd are bonding

Lloyd b like Daaad :((((((

Ever since the Devourer bit me Evil is in my blood

they/them prns for Lloyd my beloved

Garmadon doesn't want Lloyd to be like him im crying real tears

Ooof Lloyd ROASTED his Dad

Garmadon got kicked out by his son L

Firestarter is a lit nickname lmao

Jay is so in love and it's kinda funny

ITS A TRAP OH NO

Oh its Pythor

poor Lloyd has no clue what the fuck he's doing

SLITHERPIT SLITHERPIT SLITHERPIT

they are playing chess

what the fuck is a vengestone

they are pirates of the carribianing this shit

Pythor jumpscare

Nya: I have faith in Lloyd.

Meanwhile Lloyd: Ninja roll! Jump! *falls down the stairs*

This is bad

Poor Lloyd

God Pythor be original for once "You and who's army" mf

GARMADON IS BACK AND HE HAS AN ARMY

YEAH FUCK SNAKES

L for Scales

They are Brothers, your honor

I THOUGHT NYA STEPPED ON KAI LMAO

Garmadons and Lloyd </3

Headpat

THEY :'(((((((((

He is gone

PYTHOR IS ON THE SHIP????

Episode 12: Rise of the Great Devourer

the smoke of future sight

the future smoke says big snake will come

Lloyd gets beaten up by an inanimate object

Pythor is terrorizing children

Pythor is mean and british

Sensei Wu talks about dying

Sensei Wu starts Dying

Sensei Wu stops dying

Pythor has the fang blades again

HES GETTING AWAY

they all start dying

Nya stops them from dying

the snakes steal a bus

the bus is alive

snake motorcycles

"if we drive any faster the engine will explode " that's not how that works i think

Zane is kicking ass while Kai is on the window

Cole just blew up Scales

The engine exploded

SENSEI WU IS SACRIFICING HIMSELF FOR THEM??

LLOYD!

Sensei Wu got his gold tornado

Wu is beating Pythor for the moment

And the train flipped

Pythor is about to awaken the Great Devourer

Lloyd is going to get himself killed or smthin

"Go Ninja, go"

IS THAT A GOU'AULD

Episode 13: Day of the Great Devourer

Season finale!

The Great Devourer ate sensei wu (and pythor but idrc about him)

JAY DONT FUCKING FALL

They got away

Oh they didnt

They lost like 1/4th of the engines

Oh it grows

Oh the classic "we lost it" *sneak attack*

Nya holding Lloyd like a doll is so funny

Screaming Death Core

force ghost Wu but maybe its a hallucination idk

Russian snake

poor Lloyd is too short to be included

LMAO THE MAILMAN DOESN'T SEE THE BIG FUCKING SNAKE IN THE BACKGROUND

Creation tornado

Zane is self-aware

and Zane got stabbed maybe

HE'S OKAY!

his face came off tho

"it's heading towards the city!" it.. came from that direction?

"what's that in the subway?" "a fucking snake"

Jay's parents are gonna die

Cole threw a car at the snake

Lord Garmadon is buying tea

The Dragons are Back!

The snake is going up the building

Garmadon is going to stop the snake

Since when could Zane run possibilities

Lord Garmadon just got the golden weapons

time to see if garmadon can beat him

"You bit me once, now you'll know what it's like to be bitten back!"

the snake fucking exploded

SENSEI WU!

foreshadowing for Lloyd vs his dad

the end of s1

[aquagirl1978]

To New Beginnings - Lovestruck AU Fanfic - Various Love Interests

A/N: I thought I was done with the original trilogy, but Antares returning brought a fourth chapter out of me. In this chapter, the group gathers to say goodbye to the LIs that are returning for new routes. I was inspired by @aliboo's amazing artwork in where she created "glam" portraits of some LIs (permission granted by @aliboo to repost)

Credit to @violettduchess for creating this amazing AU where all the retired LIs continue to exist - her story can be found HERE.

Warnings: None

Tagging: @mcira @enchantedlovestruckfan @otakufangirl-12 @fan-girl-2 @remys-lucky-franc

****************************

"Here you go, Nikolai. Just as you asked," she said with a wink as she pressed the martini into his hand. "Shaken, not stirred."

"Niko, you've truly taken to the notion of the masquerade party, completely transforming yourself into your chosen character," Remy announced as he swept into the room. He sat across from Nikolai in a plush velvet lounge chair and crossed an ankle over his knee. "Aeryn, is my tea ready yet?" he asked, a faint Russian accent slipping into his voice.

Nikolai peered at Remy over his martini glass, his brows furrowed. "Now who are you supposed to be?"

"Why you, of course!" Remy exclaimed, his green eyes sparkling with joy. "Onyx was kind enough to find me some turtlenecks. You remember your phase years ago when all you wore were these things?" Remy tugged at the neck with his fingers. "How did you do it, these are dreadfully constricting?" When he noticed Nikolai's mouth agape, with no words coming forth, Remy continued, returning to his French accent. "Anyway, I thought you'd be flattered I chose to dress as you, Niko."

"I'm not sure flattered is the word I would choose. Perhaps, instead..."

"He's flattered, Remy," Aeryn interjected, placing a gentle hand on Nikolai's thigh. "He's just not there yet."

"Oh no, no. Not more of this!" Nikolai shouted when Jett and Leon entered the room. Jett was dressed in a crisp white shirt and tailored black suit jacket. Leon was sporting a plaid button-down shirt and black suspenders.

"When Remy told us who he was dressing as, we thought we'd join in the fun," Jett said. "I also never thought I'd ever get Leon to wear my suspenders."

"How much convincing did he need?" Remy asked.

"Not nearly as much as you'd think," Jett replied, gently elbowing Leon in the ribs. "It suits you, Daddy," Jett added with a smirk.

Leon's cheeks immediately turned pink. "Stop. Just stop."

"Don't you two look cute," Sevastian snickered, leaning lazily against the wall.

Nikolai nearly dropped his glass. "Now who are you supposed to be?" His face was blanched; Nikolai looked truly terrified by the wicked prince.

Sevastian pushed himself from the wall and made his way to the nearby mirror to fix his hair in the reflection. "Dave...something?"

"David Bowie!" Jett shrieked in Nikolai's ear as he plopped down next to him on the couch.

Nikolai arched an eyebrow. "I assume you had something to do with this?" Nikolai gestured towards Sevastian.

"I think you look great," Aeryn offered, ignoring Nikolai.

"You think so?" Sevastian asked sincerely to which Aeryn nodded. "Do you think she will come?" he whispered, speaking only to her.

Today was a special occasion. Normally, this group of retired LIs celebrated when an LI joined them when their route ended. But today...today they say goodbye to some of their friends. Antares, Nova and Aurora were leaving them to start new adventures with new MCs. To mark this momentous occasion, some of the current LIs and MCs were coming to bring them back.

Sevastian, of course, sent word to his MC, inviting her to join him at this party. He went as far as to tell her he was dressing up, and with Jett's help, gave her an idea or two of who she could come as.

"Yes," Aeryn replied, smiling. "Of course, she will come. And I'm dying to meet her!" Sevastian brightened, a small smile forming on his lips.

Remy stood and clapped his hands. “Let’s go mingle with the others. Can’t hide here in our little corner all night,” he added with a chuckle, winking at Nikolai. The group stood and followed Remy to the party. Nikolai begrudgingly joined them, Aeryn’s hand clasped firmly in his.

“How’s this all going to work…an LI paired with a new MC?” Jett asked as they entered the main room. The party was in full swing, with some of the partygoers dressed in costume and others remaining in their regular clothes. Unlike parties of the past, the music was not loud and booming, but rather somewhat subdued. There was a sense of sadness lingering in the room; usually these parties were to welcome a friend, not say goodbye to one.

“It’s cheating, if you ask me,” Leon replied, grabbing a glass of champagne from a nearby tray. “I would never want to return with a new LI.” Leon smiled at Aeryn as he spoke, his eyes twinkling with love.

“I agree with Leon. I would never want to come back with a new MC,” Nikolai added, placing a sweet kiss on the top of Aeryn’s head.

“I would gladly come back,” Remy interjected.

“That’s simply because you only got 4 seasons,” Nikolai said with a smirk. Remy scoffed, mock affronted.

“Oh look,” Aeryn said while grabbing Nikolai’s arm, an obvious move to change subjects. “Look at Atlas! Is he --?”

Nikolai peered over Aeryn’s shoulder, observing the pilot in the distance. Atlas was wearing a shabby black vest over a plain shirt that once upon a time might have been white. His MC was with him, her hair in a style he could only describe as appearing to be cinnamon buns. Atlas was, much to Nikolai’s shock, positively glowing. His cheeks were a ruddy red and he was roaring with laughter.

“He is most definitely plastered!” Jett snickered.

“He’s just excited the Emperor is leaving. Means more time with his MC,” Sevastian noted wistfully.

"Where's Antares, Nova and Rory?" Remy questioned.

"Nova and Rory said their goodbyes last night. Antares early this morning," Leon answered. "They wanted their final moments to be private. As they should be." The group murmured in silent agreement.

“Speaking of MCs…. shouldn’t the others be here by now?” Aeryn asked, glancing around the room. Off to the side, Aeryn spotted Darius chatting with Cal and Wrath. Only Darius was dressed up in a leather jacket and, for some unknown reason, wearing sunglasses indoors. Aeryn couldn’t put her finger on who he was supposed to be, but knew he was trying to be someone.

“Slater,” Nikolai groaned painfully, “please tell me you were not responsible for that.” Nikolai pointed an angry finger at Sascha. The entire group cringed as they watched Sascha dance dramatically around the room, dressed all in black, his face covered in black and white markings.

“Bloody hell,” Jett uttered. “No. Absolutely no. I had nothing to do with that.”

"Does anyone know who that is?" Aeryn points out an attractive brunette dressed in a maroon off-the-shoulder jumpsuit.

"She's kinda cute," Remy leered. Nikolai rolled his eyes at the Frenchman.

"She reminds me of my race car driving days, but I don't know her from anywhere," Leon reminisced. "Maybe she is..."

"They're here, they're FINALLY here!" Onyx's voice rang throughout the room.

Sevastian nervously glanced around the room, his fingers fidgeting by his sides. They're here; she is here. That is, if she came. What if she's not here? What if she wanted to, but couldn't come?

Sevastian was so preoccupied by his rambling thoughts that he didn't notice Aeryn approached him until she was under his nose. "You won't find her standing here," she said softly, urging him to search for his love.

With a smirk, Sevastian turned, and headed towards the crowd. Please let her be here, please, please, please. He thought it was her when he spotted a flash of red in the crowd, but it was only Cecelia. And he ran into Darius again. He stopped and began to seriously fret that perhaps his love just couldn't come. And then he felt it.

It hit him so fast; their connection had laid dormant for so long that he almost didn't recognize it. He didn't need to see her to know she was there, he felt her. Their connection tugged at his heart as a sense of serenity washed over him, stilling him to his spot.

A pair of hands slid over Sevastian's eyes as a familiar voice tickled his ear. "I almost didn't recognize you." Krystal felt his body slump against hers in quiet relief. He moved her hands from his eyes down to his lips, where he brushed a kiss on the inside of her wrist, before finally settling her hands around his waist. "So warm," she teased, as she soaked in his scent. He huffed out a small laugh as he intertwined his fingers with hers, enjoying the press of her body against his.

He shifted in her arms, unable to wait even a second longer. He had to see her, taste her, feel her. He cradled her face in his hands; his eyes gazed down upon her, admiring her like she was his own special gem, while his thumbs grazed her pink cheeks.

“I missed you.” Her lip trembled as she whispered the words. Krystal looked up at him expectantly, her turquoise eyes full of love, shimmering against the lights of the party. His thumb brushed against her lower lip, causing Krystal to sigh and shiver against his taut body.

With eyes closed, his mouth found hers. He buried his hands in her hair, pulling her closer to him. Breathing in her sweet, floral scent, the scent he gave her, he deepened the kiss, his tongue twisting and twirling around hers. They soon parted, both panting, foreheads still touching.

He eventually pulled back, curious to see how she looked. His breath hitched when he saw what she had done to herself – her fiery locks were teased, curls spilling down past her bare shoulders, and on her face, her skin was adorned with sparkling jewels and gems.

“You’re ridiculous.” She slid her hands in the open cut of his shirt, resting her palms on his bare chest, his heartbeat quickening under her touch. “A very sexy ridiculous, but still…” She rose on tiptoe and placed a quick kiss on his lips. “Ridiculous.”

“And you, my love, are magnificent.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, nudging her closer, and kissed her again. They stood there, embraced in one another’s arms for what felt like both an eternity and a split second. “I have some friends I’d like you to meet,” he murmured tentatively into her hair.

Taking his hand in hers, Krystal looked up at his, smiling brightly. “I’d love to.”

After introducing Krystal to the group, everyone gathered by the bar for a much-needed drink.

“I see he is still having fun,” Leon pointed to the pilot, who was surprisingly still standing after all this time.

“Let the lovebirds have fun, Leon!” Aeryn chided.

“I agree,” added Krystal. She nuzzled against Sevastian as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

Leon, Jett and Remy all look down into their drinks and groaned in unison. Nikolai shared a knowing look with Sevastian, winking at the Winter Prince. It was good to see him smiling again.

“What does someone have to do to get a drink around here?” a voice from behind called out arrogantly.

“Spoiled by your private bar, eh, Emperor?” Atlas called out from the other side of the bar. Antares sighed and shook his head. He glanced over by the pilot, and saw his MC.

His face immediately fell, and he awkwardly adjusted his necktie. “Stupid blasted costume,” he muttered to himself. “Should have worn my uniform, would have been happier…” Antares looked over at his MC again. She was holding Atlas’ hands, leaning into every word he was saying. Probably regaling her with some stories about his days with the Union. Antares scoffed. Antares had stories, many more left to be told. Only now they will be shared with a new MC.

He picked up his glass of honey wine and before he could take a sip, he noticed everyone staring at him. “Yes?”

“Let’s make a toast,” Remy announced. He held his glass up and the others followed. “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” Antares whispered.

[sara78]

Thank you, Supernatural

I don't think a simple thank you can cover everything these boys have done for me, for many of us out there.

For lots of people, supernatural is just a show.

But for me and for lots of other people it means many more.

Let's be honest, this year sucked.

2020 for me started empty. I would wake up every morning with emptiness in me, because one person I really looked up to and loved with all my heart, my grandpa, suddenly died in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything but watch. Even though everybody thought I bounced back from that really fast and adapted to it, it was just my very well built mask. I didn't want them to know. That maybe wasn't the right thing to do, since I for sure wasn't the only one mourning, but I just got used to throwing out masks and smiles whenever it was a bad day because they usually wouldn't understand why am I upset and would tell me to stop being a crybaby.

The fact that I lost my grandpa who was my father figure, who raised me up and was the only one who ever supported me and had my back, tore me apart. I was aware I will never go and spend summer breaks in village with him, I will never be able to watch "Only fools and horses" with him on TV.

It just couldn't settle.

And then, the Corona virus happened.

Let me be honest, school and certain people in it helped me with mourning. A lot. Being able to focus on schoolwork, studying, projects, it took my mind of for a brief time. But then, we were all of a sudden closed in our houses because of this whole situation and I didn't thought it was going to be this painful for me.

I was always thinking "Meh, I rarely went out anyways, I got used to being home" but the fact that I was back in the apartment where my grandpa died, and the fact that I woke up every morning and went to the living room to see an empty bed and a turned off TV, instead of him sitting there, reading the newspaper while waiting for a certain TV show on the TV... It didn't feel like home.

I closed in my room. Most of the days I would spend by trying to figure out everything about school, who's using what platform etc. Soon enough, my mother, a nurse in city hospital, told me that she will be transfered to work on a Covid part of it.

I didn't really think it would change anything, but hell, was I wrong.

Every day, she would come pissed from work. She would scream at me, yell at me, blame me for whatever happened in her shift, blamed me for everything that wasn't in my power.

Listening to constant hate from her never had such an impact on me. She would usually do that but grandpa would always be there and talk to me. My mom would usually go to my grandma to see her and talk to her about her troubles at work, but she couldn't risk going to her place, so she decided to obviously, yell and scream at me, thinking I don't bother because I never showed it.

She would just randomly slam the door of my room open and start telling me I'm a terrible daughter, that I don't want to do anything, that I'm useless, that people will never love me, that I'm stupid etc. Those words now started to settle down in me and started piling up. Day by day, the pile became bigger and bigger and I was in a darker place than ever before.

I didn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to bother and others had problems too, much bigger then this one.

I was really desperate. I needed a way to get out.

One of those days, I called one of my good friends, and asked him to tell me something that he likes to watch, or to play. I needed a run from reality and I decided to find it in a video game or a TV show.

That's where supernatural came.

April 5th, 2020.

Just when I thought this year would never get better, it did.

I tested the waters with the pilot - he told me that I would like the show since I was a fan of The X Files and Scooby-doo. He was right. It took me one episode, and Dean's famous "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days" to get me hooked.

Every day, I would turn on the show and would run away from reality. Every time it all became too much, I would watch them. Soon enough it felt like home. Those boys going around the country, hunting, having each other's backs, it really was unique and interesting to see how well they worked together.

As the show progressed and the boys went more mature, I started feeling better. I wouldn't have dark thoughts, I wouldn't feel empty anymore. Even though I could never talk with them in person, their presence helped me deal with my grandpa's death and my mother's sick obsession of blaming me for everything.

Sam and Dean taught me to stand up for myself. That's what I did. I stood up for myself and told my mother to stop being such a fuss and blame me for whatever happened to her on work because I'm no God (Chuck now 😂) and I'm not controlling anything. She was at first pissed when I talked back to her yelling but soon she stopped as well. I don't know where did she take out all of that anger and I honestly don't care. As long as it wasn't me, I didn't care.

Sam and Dean taught me that nobody really dies. Well, those boys never seemed to stick to that title. But the ones who did, as for example their dad, mom, later on Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Crowley, Rowena, Jack, Kevin,... You shouldn't think about how you lost them, about how you will never get to see them again. You should remember and cherish the moments you got to spend with them, and to be grateful that you were able to spend time with them. I started watching at grandpa's death from another point of view. Instead of missing him, I remembered him. Whenever I felt that feeling of empty, I would take our photo album and watch our photos together. I would read my old diary entries in which I wrote about how he took me to a fair and bought me a gigantic burger. Instead of tears, I would smile and be happy for being able to spend the time of my life with him and was grateful for making me who I am.

Sam and Dean taught me that family don't end with blood. But it doesn't start there either. I started taking better care of my friends, tried to talk to them more, ask them more often how they felt. I knew how bad I wanted someone to ask me that when I was in a bad place and I knew someone would appreciate that. But as well, I opened up more to some of them. It really felt nice, knowing that they don't care that you're broken and that they are more than ready to help you deal with whatever you need to.

I binge watched the whole show in about 4 months. I watched the boys grow up, and so did I. I learned so much from them, I loved them for who they are, I cried and laughed with them, I was scared and happy with them, I would stay up late at night just thinking about Dean and Sam and whatever they were dealing at the moment or rant to my friend who never even watched the show about how much I love Castiel for being who he is.

Also, I fell in love with the actors. Jensen, Jared, Misha, later on Mark Sheppard, Alex Calvert,... I laughed for hours when watching their panels, comic-cons and other interviews they did. I learned about the always keep fighting campaign, and much much more.

I was happy to be in this fandom.

And so, I want to thank them for giving us the opportunity to watch Sam and Dean's adventures. I want to thank Jensen, Jared and Misha for sticking with the show for years, for giving us a ticket for the most wild and exciting ride that will always be a great, bright memory in our lives.

You guys left a legacy behind, a big legacy. As long as there's us out there, you will never be forgotten. The show will never be forgotten as long as there's people to remember it and talk about it, write fanfictions about it, re-watch it, laugh about it.

The show might be ending, but what it's left behind, that never ends. This family the show has built, there is no other like this one. There's no other Fandom like ours. This fandom is much more than just a fandom. This fandom is also a place where everyone is welcome, there is no judgments, no hate. This fandom is a family. A legacy. Not much shows can say that they've left a legacy behind. Right?

As much as I am sad the show's ending, I'm happy it happened. I'm happy I got to see 15 seasons of it, knowing many shows don't make it past 10. I'm happy I got to see Team Free Will kicking names and taking asses.

So, don't cry because it's over. Smile, because it happened. Part of a journey is the end, but then, nothing really ends.

Carry on... ❤️

[shawtygonemad]

What Is This Feeling: Chapter 11

Fem!9th Doctor x Male!Rose Tyler

WITF Masterlist

"Doctor." A far off voice spoke her name. A very familiar voice that instantly sent shivers through her body.

"Doctor!" This time the voice was closer. She felt her body be shaken.

The Doctor groan and rolled over onto her stomach. Her head was pounding. What had happened? Everything was a blurry and painful. Where was she?

"Did you just come back to get changed and take a nap? I didn't actually think you slept to be honest," Ross prattled on as he set a beach bag they had packed earlier on the ground. "What's that headband you've got on? You trying to accessorize now?" He chuckled.

The Doctor, with her eyes still closed rubbed her head trying to ease the pain. She was on Ross's bed back in their resort's suite. When did she get there? Wasn't she out investigating something? Something wasn't right. What was wrong? There were…. missing persons! Of course! She was out trying to find them. Zamora!

The Doctor's eyes flew open, and she quickly turned in the bed to face the concerned Ross. As soon as her eyes locked onto him there was a warm bolt that went through her body. She felt like a magnet that needed to be connected with him. Her sight hazed over, and all she could think of was Ross. He was still in his swim shorts. His top half bare. She just wanted to run her hands over his perfectly chiseled body, and attach her lips to his…

"Doctor, are you alright," Ross asked, confused by the look she was giving.

"I'm fantastic now that you're here," She gave a lop-sided grin and crawled over the bed to be closer to him. She looked up at him as he stood over her with worried eyes.

"You just seem to be acting different…"

The Time Lord stood up on her knees and reached out her hands to run them through his hair lovingly. "I'm just acting how I've always wanted to act. I'm just not shy anymore."

Her human's eye widened at this. She had rendered him speechless for once. She seemed to be unbalanced, so Ross placed his hands on her waist to steady her. The Doctor ran her hand from his hair, down his cheek, and traced his bottom lip with her thumb. He was completely perfect to her. She just wanted him, so badly. All of him. Her eyes flicked from his brown eyes down to his lips. Slowly she began to lean up towards him. Their lips centimeters apart.

"Doctor," Ross whispered. "What are we doing?" He whispered quietly. He was confused as to why she was starting to act this way now, so suddenly. What had brought it on?

"Everything." She replied as she finally connected their lips.

Her body felt as if it was on fire as she feverishly kissed Ross. Luckily, he had acted just as passionately. The Doctor's hand snaked around her companion's neck as she allowed herself to fall back onto the bed pulling him with her. Her hands roamed over the naked half of his body. She wanted to memorize every inch of him. Every dent, dip, scar, and freckle. The Time Lord wrapped her legs around his waist and used her superior strength to flip them, so she was straddling his waist on top. She smirked at his shocked expression. She lightly pulled his bottom lip between her teeth before nibbling down his jaw, toward his neck. She was going to leave him so many love bites as a blissful reminder of this night.

"You know," she began against his neck which must have hummed in the right way, because it caused Ross to groan. That sent another shock through the Doctor's body encouraging her to continue. "Compared to you, I'm feeling a little overdressed."

The Gallifreyan leaned back and quickly shed her jacket along with her top. Her beautiful pink and yellow stared up at her in amazement. This made her smile.

"Like what you see?" She asked in a low voice.

Her companion replied by flipping them back over on the bed, so he was in the more dominant position. The Doctor shimmied out of her pants as Ross began to caress her shoulders, up her neck towards her head. She was completely exposed below him, only in her undergarments. Ross leaned down for a soft kiss as his hands made it to her temples. He grabbed the golden headband quickly and forcefully removed it from her head. He then tossed it to the side of the room.

The Time Lord gasped against Ross's lips as soon as the article was released from her head. It felt as if a bucket of cold water was thrown at her. Her head instantly cleared, as her stared petrified at Ross. What has she done? She quickly pushed him off her as she sat up. Her face was hot from embarrassment.

"That headband you had on, I think it had some charm over you," Ross deduced as he got up from the bed as well. "Doctor…" he began softly.

The Doctor quickly got dressed as Ross did. "We have no time to discuss what just happened. There is a Junite ship out there with hundreds of kidnaped species on board. I've got to save them."

Ross had changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He was putting his shoes as he spoke. "Right, who's the baddie this time, and how are we going to stop them?"

"You're not coming with," she informed him as she headed for the door.

"The hell I'm not!"

"You'll only slow me down. You have a bum ankle, remember," she reminded him as she left the room. Ross was hot on her tail like always.

"I'm coming with you. I don't care how hurt my ankle is," he said stubbornly.

"Fine. But I don't want to hear you complaining!" She led them towards the TARDIS.

"Where are they?"

"They are all caged up on a Junite's ship hidden below a water fall. We're going to take the TARDIS and pop in on them. I have a feeling that they won't be very cooperative," she explained as she unlocked the door to her ship and stepped in with her human.

She ran over to the console and set the coordinates for the Junite ship. Her mind kept flashing back to what her and Ross had just done. Dread crept into her at the thought of the conversation the were bound to have soon. Her head shook as she rid those thoughts and tried to concentrate. Ross stood back and watched her normal dance around the TARDIS as she landed them onto the enemy's ship.

Once the TARDIS landed the Doctor ran down the ramp and peaked her head outside of the doors. They had landed in the gallery that held all the cells. The Doctor grinned. It was one of the rare times that her piloting had gotten them to the right place at the right time. Her and Ross both stepped out. She nodded her head seeing that there was no panel for her to override the system. She'd have to find the main system and do it manually.

"Right then. Ross, I need to go and find the main controls to override the system and release these cells. As soon as that happens, I need you to corral all the life forms into the TARDIS. We'll have to take them all back ourselves," she informed her companion.

"What about the Junites? What'll happen to them? Can't they be reasoned with," Ross questioned.

"Usually yes. However, I met Zamora and she seems to be one of the very few Junites who are unreasonable. I'll give them one last chance to leave this planet and return home. That's all they get," She told him.

That being said, the Time Lord turned and swiftly exited the doors that had led her into the gallery the first time she was here. She needed to find the main control room. She quickly went up and down the halls scanned for the room that was giving off the most power. Once she located it, she entered the room ready for a fight. To her surprise there was no one in there.

'Well, that's highly unlikely.'

She shook her head, and went to work. Her fingers quickly graced across the controls overriding the ship's system, removing all security, and releasing the cell doors. Once completing her task, the Doctor glanced over the security cameras looking for the one that overlooked the gallery. She grinned as she watched Ross speak and lead each species into the TARDIS. I looked at the other cameras and watched as guards were running down the halls towards they gallery.

"I don't think so," she muttered to herself as her fingers flew across the controls making sure the doors to the gallery were sealed shut. She smiled at herself as she watched them struggle to open the door.

She looked over the panel and hit a button the looked like it was for an intercom. She hoped he was almost finished, because she didn't know for sure if this was going to be projected to the entire ship.

"Ross, can you hear me? How's it going in there," She asked over the intercom. She smiled as she wanted him jump at the sound of her on the monitor.

"Erm, good! Everyone is almost boarded!" He responded.

"Fantastic! Once all boarded, I'll be right down, then we'll be off!" She said as she began to move towards the door.

"That won't be happening Doctor," Zamora's voice came from the monitor.

The Doctor quickly turned around and stared at the screen. It seemed that just as Ross the last of the prisoners onto the TARDIS he was captured by Junite guards. Although, he was smart enough to close the door of the TARDIS before he was captured. Smart boy. The Time Lord's anger flared.

"Release him," she demanded.

"Not until you release my specimen, first."

"No. That is not happening. I won't allow you to enslave all of those species!" She yelled.

"They aren't slaves. They'll live a very luxurious life in their own habitats," Zamora tried to reason.

"That's just not right," The Doctor shook her head in disgust.

"Oh, but I think it is," the Junite began. "Without another festivity as successful as our flora season, our economy will crash! It was the only way our planet was able to be sustainable!"

"There are other ways than enslaving hundreds of species! I can help you! You don't have to do this!"

"We do, Doctor. This is the only way."

The only Stubborn Junite she has ever met. How could she not see the other possibilities? She realized now that they were too far gone. They were never going to see anything else besides their disgusting plan. She couldn't let these corrupt Junites continue roaming the galaxies kidnapping species. She had to end this. Her fingers ran over the controls one last time, silencing the alarm as she set the destruct countdown button off. She had 10 minutes.

"I'll trade myself for him. I'm a much rarer species anyway, being the last of the Time Lords and all."

Zamora's eyes widened. "But, that's impossible… they were all destroyed."

The Doctor's eyes were cold as she spoke, "Who do you think destroyed them all?"

"The last of the Time Lords. That's one hell of a title. People will come from everywhere just to see you…"

"Doctor, don't do it! I'm not worth it," Ross pleaded.

'You have no idea how worth it you are, Ross,'

The Doctor quickly exited the control room and ran down the corridors towards the gallery. Distract them as she got herself and Ross onto the TARDIS? Yeah, sounds easy enough. She rolled her eyes at herself. She found the doors leading into the gallery. She soniced them open and stepped inside. Her eyes instantly landed on Ross. He was still being restrained by the guards, but was otherwise unharmed.

"We will release your human if you surrender yourself to us," Zamora spoke.

"Release him first, then I will go with you willingly," she promised.

Zamora nodded, and the guards released Ross. He instantly ran over to the Doctor and engulfed her into a hug. "You can't go with them," he told her.

"Just go into the TARDIS, quickly. I've got a plan," She whispered to him.

"Really," He looked at her with doubt.

"Do I ever? Just go," she nudged him towards the TARDIS.

He reluctantly obeyed her and went into the TARDIS, but watched from inside the doors. The Doctor turned towards Zamora as two guards approached her. She knew she was going to have to fight her way out of this. She didn't want to get violent, but if she had to.

One guard grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her as the other approached from her front. She threw her head back, and head butted the guard behind her. Which left him dazed. The Time Lord threw her weight back towards the guard behind her which gave her enough momentum to lift both legs up and kick the guard approaching from the front as hard as she could. As her body and legs heavily returned to the ground, she used her strength to throw the guard that was holding her from behind over her shoulder. He landed on the guard she kicked who was starting to get up.

She began to run towards the TARDIS only to be blocked by Zamora herself. The Junite began the grapple with the Gallifreyan. "You will not ruin this for me!" She yelled frustrated.

As they spared, the Doctor finally had an opening that she took. Zamora flew to the ground in a heap. The Doctor took her chance and ran into the TARDIS's open doors.

"You destroyed us, Doctor!" Zamora yelled from her place on the ground.

"You can come with us! I can help you rebuild your planet! We can regrow your flowers! Please, let me help."

"I hope you remember this, Doctor! You destroyed us! You have destroyed us like you destroyed your own people," Zamora roared.

They didn't have much time before the ship destructed. Knowing that Zamora had made her choice, the Doctor shut the TARDIS door. She run up the ramp, swerving in and out all the different species that now filled the console room. The Time Lord didn't her normal dance around the console and send them into the Time Vortex as the Junite Ship imploded.

Once out of danger the Doctor turned towards her many guesses and clapped her hands together with a grin. "Alright. Where to first?"

...

Ross smiled and shut the TARDIS doors after waving goodbye to the human couple, the little boy, and his family. They were safely returned to the resort to Bora Bora. Once the Doctor saw they Ross was safely inside, she sent them into the Time Vortex. She took her time, knowing what was to come next.

Ross would probably demand that he be taken home. This daft old alien had practically jumped his bones. He, of course, went along with it so he could break the spell over her. Ross was a smart one. He knew to just play along. How could she possibly think that he would ever feel the way that she does. He was a human, and she was an ancient alien. The thought probably disgusted him.

"Doctor…" Ross began slowly.

All the blood left her face, and a cold jolt went through her body. This was it. He was going to leave her. Her hearts broke at the thought. She didn't want to be alone again. She couldn't. Madness would finally take hold of her. She couldn't live without traveling with Ross. Her fantastic, brilliant, smart, beautiful, pink and yellow human.

"It was just a spell, Ross. Just let it go," She said through gritted teeth.

"I don't think it was though. I asked her about it while you were running to sacrifice yourself to them. I asked Zamora what that headband was, and why it did what it did…" Ross began.

"It meant nothing, Ross! That headband was just some common love charm…"

"No, it wasn't! I asked her why she would charm you into doing that. She told me that even though it was a powerful charm there still needed to be some affection, or attraction there already for it to even work.

The Doctor refused to look at him, "She was just trying to get to you Ross."

"Why are you lying!" He yelled. The suddenly raise of his voice slightly startled her, making her raise her eyes towards him. He looked completely exasperated.

No… she couldn't lose him. Even if he didn't feel the same way. She couldn't lose him over this. Just then a thought came into her head. Maybe she just didn't have to.

"Oh Ross…" she slowly made her way over towards him. She looked up into his brown eyes as she gently placed a hand on the side of his head.

"Doctor, s'alright. I just want you to know…" he began for the Doctor to tearfully cut him off.

"I'm so sorry," she said quietly, as she placed her other hand onto his other side, and shifted her fingers into the mind connecting positions.

"What are you…" Ross began.

The Doctor forcefully thrust her mind into his. Ross was taken aback.

'What are you doing?' he asked, confused, and slightly fearful.

The Doctor instantly accessed his memories and went to work.

'I can't lose you, Ross. I know you don't feel the same, which is fine. I just can't lose you. So, I'm going to hide that memory from you. I'm not taking it away, just locking it up so you won't have to endure the memory of it.'

"No! Please! Doctor! Please, don't," Ross verbally begged.

'I'm sorry.'

With that, she locked up the memory of them in the resort bedroom and placed it into the deep part of his mind where he'll never have to deal with it again. Just to be sure she also, instantly made him fall unconscious. She carefully placed him on the jumper seat, and went about the console room. She decided to nervously make some repairs on the TARDIS while they drifted in the Time Vortex, and waited for her human to wake up.

It took about 20 minutes for him to finally come to. He groaned slightly as he began to sit up.

"Doctor," he called out.

The Time Lord held her breath for a second, before placing a fake grin on her face as she popped her head out from the other side of the console.

"Hello there, sleeping beauty! Did you enjoy your nap?"

"What happened," he asked groggy.

"You don't remember?" she asked, faking concern. She knew what happened.

"Sorta. S' all kinda fuzzy."

"Well what do you remember," She asked, slightly nervous.

"You left me on the beach," he paused as he thought back. "I returned to the room later on after getting a little sun sick. I found you napping on the bed, so I woke you up…" The Doctor held her breath again at this part. "You jumped up and started to prattle on about Junite's and missing people that we had to save. We went about the ship. You released the kidnapped species, and I corralled them onto the TARDIS. You came back and sacrificed yourself to Zamora, before becoming this badass fighter and took them all out! We then returned all of the species, and then it gets fuzzy again."

The Doctor grinned. "Well after we dropped off the humans at Bora Bora you went over to the jump seat, plopped down, and fell asleep."

"Oh. Well I suppose I am a bit tired. Should probably be off to bed then if we're going to be running around saving galaxies again tomorrow," he grinned at her. "G'night, Doctor," he called as he began to shuffle out of the console room.

"G'night, Ross Tyler!" She called after him with a grin still plastered on her face. Once he knew he was completely gone her face dropped. She laid her head against the console and released a sigh.

She was going to have to watch herself from now on. Things had to go back to normal, or even less so. She didn't want that memory being released. Her hearts broke more at the thought and Ross demanding to be sent home. The TARDIS knew her thief was upset, so she let out a warm hum letting her know that everything will be alright.

"I know, old girl." The Time Lord gave a sad smile, and placed hand on the large column in the middle of the console. "I'll be alright. I always am.

[jamiebluewind]

Pok The Nightmare King?

***

@skysfallingbaby proposed an interesting concept. "Maybe Pok Gukgak is the Nightmare King". And while this theory make a lot of things a lot more messed up (like trying to use Riz in a sacrifice), it got my theorist senses a tingling.

So, without futher ado, let's get started.

***

First off, What is Pok exactly? We can assume that the Nightmare King doesn't just look like a goblin as he doesn't actually look like any one race when people have tried to describe him. We could guess some kind of magical effect that alters his appearance, but the Nightmare King was also banished (a spell with no time limit outside homebrew rules, unless the spell is not held for a minute or the creature is banished while already on their own plane) and seeing as Pok lived on the material plane for years, he couldn't be the Nightmare King... technically. The thing is, the Nightmare King doesn't have to be there to be there. Ragh's mom was piloting a clone of herself in real time while her real body was unconscious and housed miles underground (possibly in the molten core of the planet). A goblin suit could be piloted by the Nightmare King using the same principles. Even a direct connection to the Nightmare King is established in game via his corrupting influence constantly leaking from his plane of existence into the material plane (specifically in Silvar).

The next question that comes to mind is Why did Kalvaxus eat Pok if they were allied? and to that I say Do we know for sure that he did? What we do know is this...

Kalvaxus taunted that he ate Pok, but he did it in the middle of a battle to throw off Riz.

Kalvaxus would have eaten Pok while bound. Barring being able to enlarge/reduce Pok (and even then, he would only shrink to about the size of a cat), it would have taken a 6 to 7 foot tall dragonborn a WHILE to eat someone 1/2 his height and 1/5 his weight, bones and all (and dragons and dragonborns don't even have the established voracious appetite goblins do).

Riz and Sklonda were told Pok died at sea until Kalvaxus said otherwise.

Pok and Shadow Cat/Calina worked together

Shadow Cat/Calina was absent at Pok's funeral and never contacted Sklonda or Riz afterward.

Shadow Cat was spotted immediately after the battle with Kalvaxus (making it possible that she was given a heads up about Kalvaxus' plans).

So, using this information it's not that hard to theorize that Pok might not have been eaten or was eaten under the orders of the Nightmare King. Reasons to taunt might have been something The Nightmare King told him to say once free or just something he said to rattle Riz knowing it couldn't be proven. Reasons to ask to be eaten could have been to dispose of a clone he was piloting without risking leaving a magical trace behind (which could have been done regularly for one reason or another, but if Kalvaxus got caught red handed, they would have had an established story set up and a witness to it happening).

There's also a few things that happen during the Shadow Cat/Riz dialogue that take on a whole new meaning. I'll link the dialogue below, but one exchange really stands out. She said "Pok Gukgak. It's a good man" and when Riz asked what went wrong between them, she said "Nothing went... wrong between us" immediately followed by her offering "a little information swap" and to answer a question about his dad in exchange for answering her own. This was despite Riz previously saying "I wanna know where the crown is. I wanna know where Fabian is. I wanna know why people are coming for us in our sleep." and thus already knowing what information Riz would trade for.

Finally, let's look at Riz.

He is the son of Pok and Sklonda Gukgak.

He is an inquisitive rogue and on more than one occasion has been described as being "one with the shadows".

He has always has issues with sleeping, often avoiding it or just not getting enough of it.

He has always been able to see Shadow Cat and has met her at least once.

He was going to be sacrificed on an alter by a Nightmare King controlled Fig to complete some kind of ritual.

He was not attacked in his dreams when he failed his throws, the first time getting Baron while awake and the second time pounced on by Shadow Cat while asleep (while even Ragh was attacked in his sleep and got up while already under dominate person as Adaine watched).

Shadow Cat knew a lot of stuff about Riz, including current stuff ("I know that YOU only do things to kinda distract yourself from how DEEPLY sad you are that your dad is gone, I get that. The maidens and then you find the maidens and then it's on to the next thing and the conspiracy board and you don't sleep and you're digging digging digging- it's like when you were in that palimpsest. You will dig until your own hands are bleeding...").

Shadow Cat's first offer to get his intel was to answer a question about his dad if she got to ask him a question in return (followed by saving Fabian despite that being one of the things he asked for).

Some of these wouldn't hold water alone, but combined they paint a very interesting picture. Shadow Cat being so familiar with Riz makes more sense if she has been keeping an eye on the son of her boss off and on for a long time. It also explains why Shadow Cat immediately offered to give him intell on his dad in exchange for answering a question and clicking her tongue when he turned it down like he did. Riz being the son of the Nightmare King (maybe only a tiny part or an infused thing due to how it happened) would mean he's probably immune to some Nightmare magic and skilled with others (like how half-elves are immune to Sleep, but can't trace), which explains why he has yet to get attacked while dreaming and his natural stealth skills, perceptiveness, and sleep issues. The Nightmare King trying to use Riz in a ritual sacrifice instead of just some guy on the street might mean his son is required for it.

This all leaves me with so many questions.

Considering how strategic the Nightmare King is, why exactly would he pick Sklonda?

Could Pok have fathered Riz specifically to sacrifice later, as a backup for something, or as a cover for being around certain people?

Why did Pok leave and was it planned?

What was Pok really up to during his life as a spy?

Is Riz required somehow to bring back the Nightmare King?

Does the ritual actually require Riz to die and if so, could they revive him without causing the ritual to fail (like if it required a lethal amount of blood from Riz or a mortal wound)?

What will Gorthalax reveal once he's freed (which will most likely happen once Ayda learns Plane Shift and has a slot free to use it)?

Could someone in the party potentially question Kalvaxus (maybe with the help of Gorthalax or a specific spell)?

***

Special thanks to @skysfallingbaby for the bardic inspiration for this tinfoil time. I honestly hadn't considered the possibility until you mentioned it, but the moment I did I just HAD to follow the logic to see where it led. It really surprised me how many pieces fell into place the further I went. It really was an absolute delight to research. Thank you ^_^

***

Original Post

[lokirupaul]

Lokiru Paul : Jason Sudeikis Is Having One Hell of a Year

Jason Sudeikis Is Having One Hell of a Year

He got famous playing a certain kind of funny guy on SNL, but when Jason Sudeikis invented Ted Lasso, the sensitive soccer coach with the earnest mustache, the actor found a different gear—and a surprise hit. Now, ahead of the show’s second season, Sudeikis discusses his wild ride of a year and how he’s learning to pay closer attention to what the universe is telling him.

BY ZACH BARON, GQ

PHOTOGRAPHY BY HILL & AUBREY

July 13, 2021

Shirt, $188, and tie (worn at waist), $125, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore. Watch, $10,200, by Cartier.

On the day that he wrapped shooting on the second season of Ted Lasso, Jason Sudeikis sat in his trailer in West London and drank a beer and exhaled a little, and then he went to the pitch they film on for the show—Nelson Road Stadium, the characters call it—for one last game of football with his cast and crew. There's this thing called the crossbar challenge, which figures briefly in a midseason Ted Lasso episode: You kick a ball and try to hit not the goal but the crossbar above the goal, which is only four or five inches from top to bottom. And so Sudeikis arrived and, because he can't help himself, started trying to hit the crossbar.



Jason Sudeikis covers the August 2021 issue of GQ. To get a copy, subscribe to GQ.

 Shirt, $228, by Todd Snyder. Shorts, $480, by Bode. Sneakers, his own. Socks, stylist’s own. Watch, $6,300, by Cartier.

Confidence is a funny thing. Sudeikis has been riffing on it, in one way or another, for his whole professional life—particularly the comedy of unearned confidence, which he is well suited, physically, to convey. Sudeikis is acutely aware of “the vessel that my soul is currently, you know, occupying”—six feet one, good hair, strong jaw. He's a former college point guard. On Saturday Night Live, where most of us saw him for the first time, he had a specialty in playing jocular blowhards and loud, self-impressed white men, a specialty he took to Hollywood, in films like Horrible Bosses and Sleeping With Other People. He became so adept at playing those types of characters, Sudeikis said, that at some point he realized he'd have to make an effort to do something different. “It's up to me to not just play an a-hole in every movie,” he said. In conversation he is digressive, occasionally melancholy, prone to long anecdotes and sometimes even actual parables—closer, in other words, to Ted Lasso, the gentle, philosophical football coach he co-created, than any of the preening jerks he used to be known for. But he can definitely kick a soccer ball pretty good.

So he's up there trying to hit the crossbar, and he's got a crowd of actors and crew members gathering around him now, betting on whether he can hit it. And he's getting the ball in the air, mostly, but not quite on the four-to-five-inch strip of metal he needs to hit, and the stakes are escalating (“I bet he can get it in three.” “I bet he can get it in five”), and after he misses the first five tries, Toheeb Jimoh, the actor who plays Sam Obisanya on the show, says, “I think he can get it in 10.” Then Sudeikis proceeds to miss the next four attempts. But, he told me later, “there was no part of me that was like, ‘I'm not gonna hit one of these. I'm not not gonna hit one of these.’ ”

Like I said, confidence is a funny thing. You have to somehow believe that the worst outcome simply won't happen. Sometimes you have to do that while knowing for a fact that the worst outcome is happening, all the time. “It's a very interesting space to live in, where you're living in the questions and the universe is slipping you answers,” Sudeikis said. “And are you—are any of us—open enough, able enough, curious enough to hear them when they arrive?” This sounds oblique, I guess, but I can attest, after spending some time talking to Sudeikis, that everything is a little oblique for him right now. He had the same pandemic year we all had, and in the middle of that, he had Ted Lasso turn into a massive, unexpected hit, and in the middle of that, his split from his partner and the mother of his two children, Olivia Wilde, became public in a way that from a great distance seemed not entirely dissimilar to something that happens to the character he plays on the show that everyone was suddenly watching. “Personal stuff, professional stuff, I mean, it's all…that Venn diagram for me is very”—here he held up two hands to form one circle—“you know?”

Shirt, $195, by Sid Mashburn. T-shirt, $195, by Ralph Lauren. Vintage pants from The Vintage Showroom. Belt, $2,500, by The Row. His own sneakers by Nike x Tom Sachs. Socks, $18 for three pairs, by Nike. Pendant necklaces, $2,100 (tag), and $3,000 (bar), by Tiffany & Co. Jacket (on bench), $498, by Todd Snyder.

Anyway, Sudeikis hit the crossbar on the 10th try. “It's a tremendous sound,” he said of that moment when the ball connects with the frame of the goal. He'd done what he knew he would do. Everyone on the pitch was cheering like they'd won something. It was, for lack of a better way of describing it, a very Ted Lasso moment—a small victory, a crooked poster in a locker room that says Believe. “There's a great Michael J. Fox quote,” Sudeikis told me later, trying to explain the particular brand of wary optimism that he carries around with him, and that he ended up making a show about: “ ‘Don't assume the worst thing's going to happen, because on the off chance it does, you'll have lived through it twice.’ So…why not do the inverse?”

Watch Now:

10 Things Jason Sudeikis Can’t Live Without

Ted Lasso. Man—what an unlikely story. The character was initially dreamed up to serve a very different purpose. Sudeikis first played him in 2013, in a promo for NBC, which had recently acquired the television rights to the Premier League and was trying to inspire American interest in English football. The promo was the length and shape of an SNL sketch and featured a straightforward conceit: A hayseed football (our football) coach is hired as the football (their football) coach of a beloved English club, to teach a game he neither knows nor understands in a place he neither knows nor understands. The joke was simple and boiled down to the central fact that Ted Lasso was an amiable buffoon in short shorts.

But Sudeikis tries to listen to the universe, even in unlikely circumstances, and for whatever reason the character stuck around in his head. So, in time, Sudeikis developed and pitched a series with the same setup—Ted, in England, far from his family, a stranger in a strange land learning a strange game—that Apple eventually bought. But when we next saw Ted Lasso, he had changed. He wasn't loud or obnoxious anymore; he was simply…human. He was a man in the midst of a divorce who missed his son in America. The new version of Ted Lasso was still funny, but now in an earned kind of way, where the jokes he told and the jokes made at his expense spoke to the quality of the man. He had become an encourager, someone who thrills to the talents and dreams of others. He was still ignorant at times, but now he was curious too.

In fact, this is close to something Ted says, by way of Walt Whitman, in one of the first season's most memorable episodes: Be curious, not judgmental. I will confess I get a little emotional every time I watch the scene in which he says this, which uses a game of darts in a pub as an excuse to both stage a philosophical discussion about how to treat other people and to re-create the climactic moment of every sports movie you've ever seen. It's a somewhat strange experience, being moved to tears by a guy with a bushy cartoon mustache and an arsenal of capital-J jokes (“You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet: I don't want to hear it”), talking about humanity and how we all might get better at it. But that's kind of what the experience of watching the show is. It's about something that almost nothing is about, which is: decency.

In the pilot episode, someone asks Ted if he believes in ghosts, and he says he does, “But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.” That folksy, relentless positivity defines the character and is perhaps one of the reasons Ted Lasso resonated with so many people over the past year. It was late summer, it was fall, it was in the teeth of widespread quarantine and stay-at-home orders. People were inside watching stuff. Here was a guy who confronted hardship, who suffered heartbreak, who couldn't go home. And who, somehow, found his way through all that. Someone not unlike Sudeikis himself.

“If you have the opportunity to hit a rock bottom, however you define that, you can become 412 bones or you can land like an Avenger. I personally have chosen to land like an Avenger.”

Sudeikis likes to say, in homage to his background in competitive sports, that there's no defense in the arts. “The only things you're competing against, I believe, are apathy, cynicism, and ego,” he said. This is a philosophy of Sudeikis's that predates Ted Lasso by many years, though you wouldn't necessarily have known it until recently. He grew up outside Kansas City, in Overland Park, Kansas, a “full jock with thespian tendencies,” as he once described himself. His uncle is George Wendt, who played Norm on Cheers. “He made finding a career in the arts, in acting or whatever, seem plausible,” Sudeikis said. But mostly he was drawn to the camaraderie of athletics. When Sudeikis first tried his hand at professional improv, in the mid-'90s, it was through something called ComedySportz, a national chain with a fake competition angle, teams in sports uniforms, and a referee. Brendan Hunt, who co-created and costars on Ted Lasso, initially met Sudeikis in Chicago, he told me. Sudeikis had traveled the eight hours up from Kansas City to do a show: “Suddenly there's a beat-up Volvo station wagon, like an '83, and this is '97, I think, and these two guys get out, all bleary-eyed, and wearily change into their baseball pants. And one of them was Jason.”

Sudeikis had gone to community college on a basketball scholarship but failed to keep up his grades, and he eventually left school to pursue comedy. For a while, he said, his sincere aspiration was to become a member of the Blue Man Group. He got close. “They flew me out to New York,” he said. “That was August of 2001, right before 9/11. And I got to see myself bald and blue.” (In the end, he wasn't a good enough drummer.) By that time, he was living in Las Vegas with his then partner, Kay Cannon, doing sketch comedy at the newly formed Second City chapter there. “Ego,” Sudeikis told me about this time, “that gets beaten out of you, doing eight shows a week.”

Eventually he was invited to audition for Saturday Night Live. “I didn't want to work on SNL,” Sudeikis said—he'd convinced himself that there were purer and less corporate paths to take. “At a certain point in your comedy journey, you have to look at it as like McDonald's,” he said. “You have to be like: ‘No. Never.’ ” Then he got the call. “It was like having a crush on the prettiest girl at school and being like, ‘She seems like a jerk.’ And it's like, ‘Oh, really? 'Cause she said she liked you.’ ‘She what?!’ ”

Suit, $4,860, by Tom Ford. Vintage t-shirt from The Vintage Showroom. Suspenders, stylist’s own. Shoes, $1,535, by John Lobb.

Sudeikis auditioned, of course, and was hired, in 2003—but as a writer: “It was like winning a gold medal in the thing you've never even trained for. You just happen to be good at the triple jump, and you really love the long jump.” He wrote for a couple of seasons, but he was unhappy—Cannon was still in Las Vegas, and Sudeikis missed performing. Finally he went to Lorne Michaels, to ask for a job as a member of the cast. “He had the best line. I go, ‘I had to give up two things I love the most to take this writing job: performing and living with my wife.’ And on a dime, he just goes, ‘Well, if you had to choose one…’ ”

At Saturday Night Live, Sudeikis often channeled the same level of cheerful optimism and forthright morality that he'd later bring to Ted Lasso, but audiences didn't necessarily notice it at the time. One of Sudeikis's most famous and beloved early sketches on SNL as a performer is 2005's “Two A-holes Buying a Christmas Tree”—Kristen Wiig and Sudeikis, chewing gum, oblivious to their surroundings, terrorizing Jack Black at a Christmas tree stand. It's a joke about a very familiar form of contemporary rudeness; it's also a riff on a certain kind of man who speaks for the woman next to him, whether she wants him to or not. And people laughed and moved on to the next bit, but to this day Sudeikis can tell you about all the ideas that were running through his head when he created the sketch with Wiig. “That scene was all about my belief that we were losing touch with manners,” he told me. “And yet it's also about love, because he loves her, and that's why he interprets everything for her—she never talks directly to the person.” But, he said, sighing, “once you start explaining a joke or something like that, it ceases to be funny.”

Sudeikis brought this type of attention and care to the movies he began acting in too, like the workplace comedy Horrible Bosses, even if it was lost on most of those who watched them. “That movie, Horrible Bosses, is riddled with optimism,” he said. “The rhythms of that movie, of what Jason Bateman and Charlie Day and I are doing, are deeply rooted in Ted Lasso too. But people don't want those answers. They want to hear the three of us cut up and joke around.”

So that's what Sudeikis did. He got used to a certain gap between his intention and how it was understood. During his time at SNL, his marriage fell apart. “You're going through something emotionally and personally, or even professionally if that's affecting you personally, and then you're dressed up like George Bush and you're live on television for eight minutes. You feel like a crazy person. You feel absolutely crazy. You're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're just like, ‘Who am I? What is this? Holy hell.’ ”

For a time he became a tabloid fixture. He remembers “navigating my first sort of public relationship, with January Jones, which was like learning by fire. What is the term? Trial by fire.” In a 2010 GQ article, when confronted with a question about rumors that he was dating Jennifer Aniston, he sarcastically responded that she should be so lucky. “And obviously I'm fucking joking, you know?” Sudeikis said. But back then, he treated interviews like improv—Yes, and—and that could create misunderstandings. Asked once on a podcast about what people tended to get wrong about him, Sudeikis responded, “That I was in a fraternity—or maybe that I would be.”

To that point, Hunt told me, “He's much less the assumed fraternity guy than you'd think.” But Hunt said he also understood where the impression came from: “I don't know where he learned it necessarily, whether it was from his parents, or his basketball coaches, but he exudes an easygoing confidence. And it's easy to hang with a guy like that. But some people are also like, ‘Fuck that guy,’ intrinsically.”

Shirt, $188, and ties (worn at waist), $125 each, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore. Shoes, $782, by Alden. Socks, $15, by Smart Turnout. Watch, $10,200, by Cartier.

When he won the Golden Globe, Sudeikis gave a dazed speech while wearing a hoodie, sparking glee and speculation about his mental and physical states. “I was neither high nor heartbroken,” he said.

Shortly after Sudeikis and Wilde got together, near the end of his SNL run (he left the show in 2013), Wilde made a joke during a monologue that she read at a cabaret club about the two of them having sex “like Kenyan marathon runners,” and Sudeikis spent years answering questions about the joke. “The frustrating thing about that is that Olivia said that in a performance setting,” Sudeikis said. “It wasn't like she just was saying it glibly in an interview.” He described the experience of growing into celebrity, and confronting other people's misperceptions of him, as a disorienting one. “You're just being tossed into the situation and then trying to figure it out,” he said. The picture of him that was circulating wasn't exactly the one that he had of himself. But he didn't fight it, either. “You come to be thoughtful about it,” he said. “But also try to stay open to it. I don't ever want to be cynical.”

So he tried to stay open. But it wasn't until Ted Lasso that people really saw the side of him that comported with the way he saw himself. Last year, as it became clear that the show was a hit, he found himself answering, over and over, some version of the same question. The question would vary in its specifics, but the gist of it was always: How much do you and this character actually have in common? Sudeikis told me that over time, in response to people wondering about his exact relationship to Ted, he developed a few different evasive explanations. Ted, Sudeikis would say, was a little like Jason Sudeikis, but after two pints on an empty stomach. He was Sudeikis hanging on the side of a buddy's boat. He was Sudeikis, but on mushrooms. Sometimes, in more honest moments, he would say that Ted is the best version of himself. This, after all, is how art works: If it was just you, then it wouldn't really need to be art in the first place. And so Sudeikis learned to separate himself from Ted, to fudge the distance between art and artist.

Except, he said, after a while, every time he tried to wave off Ted, fellow castmates or old friends of his would correct him to say: “No.” They'd say: “No, that is you. That is you. That's not the best version of you.” It's not you on mushrooms, it's not you hanging off a boat, it's just…you. One of Sudeikis's friends, Marcus Mumford, who composed the music for the show, told me, “He is quite like Ted in lots of ways. He has a sort of burning optimism, but also a vulnerability, about him that I really admire.”

Hearing people say this, over and over again, Sudeikis said, “brought me to a very emotional space where, you know, a healthy dose of self-love was allowed to expand through my being and made me…” He trailed off for a moment. “When they're like, ‘No, that is you. That is you. That's not the best version of you.’ That's a very lovely thing to hear. I wish it on everybody who gets the opportunity to be or do anything in life and have someone have the chance to say, ‘Hey, that's you. That's you.’ ”

And if he's being honest, that's the way he feels about it too. “It's the closest thing I have to a tattoo,” Sudeikis said about Ted Lasso. “It's the most personal thing I've ever made.”

Sweater, $398, and shirt, $95, by Polo Ralph Lauren. Pants, $255, by Aimé Leon Dore.

On the first Saturday in June, Sudeikis flew with his children, Otis and Daisy, from London to New York, where he owns a house in Brooklyn. “Brooklyn is home,” he told me simply. While filming the first season of Ted Lasso, he'd had the house renovated—there was black mold to get rid of and other changes to make. “So Olivia and the kids had to rent a lovely apartment in Brooklyn Heights. But it's not home. It's someone else's home.” Saturday was the first time Sudeikis and his children had set foot in their own place in two years. “The kids darted in,” he said. “Last time Daisy was in that house, she slept in a crib. So now she has a new big bed. It was hilarious. I walked up there after like 15 minutes and both rooms were a mess.”

He and Wilde, he said, no longer share the house. They split up, according to Sudeikis, “in November 2020.” The end of their relationship was chronicled in a painful, public way in the tabloids after photos of Wilde holding hands with Harry Styles surfaced in January, setting off a flurry of conflicting timelines and explanations. Sudeikis said that even he didn't have total clarity about the end of the relationship just yet. “I'll have a better understanding of why in a year,” he said, “and an even better one in two, and an even greater one in five, and it'll go from being, you know, a book of my life to becoming a chapter to a paragraph to a line to a word to a doodle.” Right now he was just trying to figure out what he was supposed to take away, about himself, from what had happened. “That's an experience that you either learn from or make excuses about,” he said. “You take some responsibility for it, hold yourself accountable for what you do, but then also endeavor to learn something beyond the obvious from it.”

In the first season of Ted Lasso, the comic premise of the show is revealed to be a tragic one: Ted is in England, far from home, doing something he doesn't know how to do and probably shouldn't be doing at all, in order to give his failing marriage space to survive. When the character's wife and son visit, in the show's fifth episode, his wife tells him, “Every day I wake up hoping that I'll feel the way I felt in the beginning. But maybe that's just what marriage is, right?” It's a wrenching moment that also gives new meaning to the show: Ted Lasso's heart is big, but it can also be broken as violently and as easily as anyone else's. By the end of the season, Lasso is divorced and renegotiating his relationships with his now ex-wife and son.

The first season of Ted Lasso had already been written—had already aired—by the time Sudeikis found himself living some aspects of it in real life. “And yet one has nothing to do with the other,” Sudeikis told me. “That's the crazy thing. Everything that happened in season one was based on everything that happened prior to season one. Like, a lot of it three years prior. You know what I mean? The story's bigger than that, I hope. And anything I've gone through, other people have gone through. That's one of the nice things, right? So it's humbling in that way.”

And in fact, the seeds of Ted's heartbreak, Sudeikis said, went all the way back to a dinner he had with Wilde around 2015, during which she first encouraged him to explore whether Ted Lasso could be more than just a bit on NBC. “It was there, the night at dinner, when Olivia was like, ‘You should do it as a show,’ ” he said. They got to talking about it. Sudeikis asked why Ted Lasso would move in the first place, to coach a team he had no real reason to coach: “ ‘Okay, but why would he take this job? Why would a guy at this age take this job to leave? Maybe he's having marital strife. Maybe things aren't good back home, so he needs space.’ And I just riffed it at dinner in 2015 or whenever, late 2014. But it had to be that way. That's what the show is about.”

I said to Sudeikis that I thought that while it was common for artists to put a lot of their lives into their art, it was less common that they end up living aspects of the art in their lives, after the fact.

“I wonder if that's true,” he replied. “I mean, isn't that just a little bit of what Oprah was telling us for years and years? You know, manifestation? Power of thought? That's The Secret in reverse, you know?”

But…if we're being honest, is that a thing you wanted to manifest?

“No. No. But, again, it isn't that. It wasn't that. And again, that's just me knowing the details of it. Like, that's just me knowing where it comes from, where any of it comes from.”

But he acknowledged it had been a hard year. Not necessarily a bad one, but a hard one. “I think it was really neat,” he said. “I think if you have the opportunity to hit a rock bottom, however you define that, you can become 412 bones or you can land like an Avenger. I personally have chosen to land like an Avenger.”

Is that easier said than done? To land like an Avenger?

“I don't know. It's just how I landed. It doesn't mean when you blast back up you're not going to run into a bunch of shit and have to, you know, fight things to get back to the heights that you were at, but I'd take that over 412 bones anytime.”

He paused, then continued: “But there is power in creating 412 bones! Because we all know that a bone, up to a certain age, when it heals, it heals stronger. So, I mean, it's not to knock anybody that doesn't land like an Avenger. Because there's strength in that too.”

Shirt, $228, by Todd Snyder. Shorts, $480, by Bode. Watch, $6,300, by Cartier.

In February, Sudeikis attended the Golden Globes, which were being held remotely on Zoom. He had his misgivings about the event—the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which votes on the awards, had been in the news for a series of unflattering revelations about its organization, and also the show was taking place in the middle of the night in London. Tom Ford had sent over a suit for Sudeikis to wear, and he tried it on, in his flat in Notting Hill, but he felt ridiculous, there in the middle of the night, and so changed out of it and into a tie-dyed hoodie made by his sister's clothing company. “I wore that hoodie because I didn't wanna fucking wear the fucking top half of a Tom Ford suit,” he said. “I love Tom Ford suits. But it felt weird as shit.”

“With kids, knowing is half the battle. But adulthood is doing something about it. ‘I'm bad with names.’ ‘I'm always late.’… All right, so win the fucking battle by doing something about it!”

The rest of this story you know: Sudeikis ended up winning best actor for Ted Lasso and gave a dazed acceptance speech while wearing the hoodie, and this in turn sparked glee and speculation about his mental and physical states. For the record, “I was neither high nor heartbroken,” Sudeikis said. It was just late at night and he didn't want to wear a suit. “So yeah, off it came and it was like, ‘This is how I feel. I believe in moving forward.’ ”

Lately, Sudeikis told me, he had been trying to pay more attention to how he actually felt about any given thing, to all the various signs and omens that present themselves to a person during the course of living their life. Even in his past, he said, there were moments that were obvious in retrospect, in terms of what the universe was trying to tell him, messages he missed entirely at the time. In Vegas, where he was living with Cannon before Saturday Night Live, he developed alopecia and his hair stopped growing, and he didn't know why. And then, at the end of his 30s, “during the nine months before Otis was born and the nine months after he was born,” Sudeikis developed extremely painful sciatica. “I went and got an MRI and was like, ‘Oh, yeah, the jelly doughnut in my L4, L5, is squirting out and touching a nerve.’ ” But why? When he had his second child, this didn't happen at all. So: why?

“I mean, since last November,” Sudeikis said, “the joke that feels more like a parable to me is a guy is sitting at home watching TV and the news breaks in to say flash flood warning. About an hour later he goes outside on his porch and he sees that the whole street is flooded.” You've probably heard the rest of this joke before: While the guy is praying to God for some kind of help, a truck, a boat, and a chopper come by, offering aid, which the guy turns down. God'll provide, he says. Sudeikis finished the joke: “Two hours after that, he's in heaven. He's dead. He says, ‘God, what's up, man? You didn't help me.’ God goes, ‘What do you mean, man? I sent you a pickup truck, I sent you a speedboat, I sent you a helicopter.’ ” So, Sudeikis said, “you can't tell me that hair falling out of my head wasn't—I don't know if it was the speedboat or the pickup truck or the helicopter, but yeah, man, it all comes home to roost. What you resist persists.”

He went on. “That's why I had sciatica,” he said. “That's the speedboat. That was like: ‘Hey, you gotta take a look at your stuff.’ ”

And this is another way that Sudeikis and Ted Lasso are alike, because both are always learning and relearning this lesson, which is: Be curious. Both are philosophical men whose philosophies basically boil down to trying to live as decent a life as is possible. Not just for the sake of it but because to be curious—to find out something new about yourself or someone else—is to be empowered. “I don't know if you remember G.I. Joe growing up,” Sudeikis said, “but they would always end it with a little saying: ‘Oh, now I know.’ ‘Don't put a fork in the outlet.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because you could get hurt.’ ‘Oh, now I know.’ And then somebody would say, ‘And knowing is half the battle.’ And I agree with that—with kids, knowing is half the battle. But adulthood is doing something about it. That's the other half. ‘I'm bad with names.’ ‘I'm always late.’ Oh! Well, knowing is half the battle. All right, so win the fucking battle by doing something about it! Get better at names. Show up five minutes early, make it a point to do it. So, I'm still learning these things. But hopefully I've got plenty of time to do something about it.”

Sudeikis smiled a little wearily: “I mean, at the end of that joke, the guy still got to go to heaven, you know?”

Zach Baron is GQ's senior staff writer.

A version of this story originally appeared in the August 2021 issue with the title "Jason Sudeikis Paints His Masterpiece."

PRODUCTION CREDITS:

Photographs by Hill & Aubrey

Styled by Michael Darlington

Grooming by Nicky Austin

Tailoring by Nafisa Tosh

Set design by Hella Keck

Produced by Ragi Dholakia Productions

[melancholy-queen]

REIGN SPOILERS AHEAD

i’m putting all of my thoughts about the series reign on this, i probably forgot a lot of shit, but thats okay. also I’m sorry if this is very long, i have lots of opinions. scroll past!

so im on season 3 episode 7 and here are my thoughts as of this moment:

- francis is everything but also he was so controlling of mary jfc

- nostradamus is really hot

- im sad for mary that francis is dead

- frary is endgame

- but i was totally down for bash and mary to get married

- conde was so hot. i miss him already

- i was not down for the whole cheating plot line with mary

- antoine needs to chill and stop being so vengeful

- kenna is a piece of shit, i mean stop self sabotaging yourself please for the love of god

- so apparently, kenna was masterbating on the staircase in the pilot? i thought she ran out of breath from walking up all those goddamn stairs (chill, this is a joke, but i still think it's funny that she couldn't wait to get to her room)

- henry was fucking gross from the minute he walked on screen

- did everyone forget about aylee?

- poor lola, she couldve been so much more

- on the topic of lola, where tf did john philippe go? like he hasn't been in the past few episodes

- bash is so great

- bash does no wrong, i love him

- i liked diane and i miss her

- leith is honestly the most tragic character in this whole show, i love him

- megan follows does such an amazing job, like she is such a good actress

- why tf couldn't greer marry leith? i guess im just not understanding

- they totally brushed off the whole incest thing between claude and bash, gross

- but also good for greer, she's a great madam

- i don't give any shits about lord narcissi

- i loveeee claude and leith, get married pls

- i really wanted mary and francis to have a child and i almost cried at the miscarriage

- charles is a dick, but also fuck me

- catherine de medici is the best thing to have graced this show, i mean fuck me up bitch ahhh

- poor mary! its so sad that she was raped. to me, the show handled the repercussions fairly well

- i liked the whole catherine going crazy plot line, i thought the writers did a good job with her emotions towards her children

- the end did not pay off though, like how did she get better?

- also, the crazy henry plot line was ass, but i liked it almost?

- i thought the francis killing henry was done very well, subtle, but not out of the blue. plus, you could go back and look at the clues in previous episodes to aid to the murder

and now these are my thoughts past season 3, episode 7 all the way to the end:

- yes i want some bdsm in this bitch fuck it up queen

- catherine and mary are so kinky hahahaahahha

- mary's pussy literally killed don carlos (jk)

- this is the best plot line on this show so far lmao

- i like it better when mary and catherine get along

- god i love princess claude

- i hate narcisse

- fuck narcisse

- even though claude's fucking stupid for writing that her mother poisoned her in her diary and not hiding the diary well, i still love her

- narcisse's secretary is hot in a lowkey kind of way

- also, his death scene was very unrealistic

- thank god lola is leaving, fuck narcisse

- i don't like elizabeth, but i guess im not supposed to

- why does claude have to fuck up leith like that? he's already traumatized by greer

- greer is honestly the secret mvp, what a good woman

- i am more invested in claude and leith's story then anything else in this entire show

- i feel so bad for dudley's wife, she didn't ask for this

- catherine is a sex queen and i stan her

- stubble leith is so hot

- adelaide kane is so fucking pretty goddamn

- honestly, fuck the prince of spain

- charles looks like mary and francis' child grown up tbh

- i have no investment in any of the england storyline

- why do none of the ladies in waiting get a normal marriage and life jeez louise

- CLAUDE DESERVES BETTER

- LEITH DESERVES BETTER

- FUCK THE DUKE WHO MARRIED CLAUDE

- CLAUDE IS A QUEEN WTF I LOVE HER SO MUCH I WANT TO MARRY HER OML

- narcisse can suck my dick

- im all for in charge charles

- i don't like gideon

- i have no investment in the elizabeth/dudley shep, but i still find it really sad

- god i hope that gideon doesn't stab mary in the back

- christophe is really creepy

- my inStiNctS weRe cOrRecT jEsuS ChrISt, christophe is insane

- gideon is also insane

- bash is perfect

- bash needs better sleuthing skills

- i fully support the lola and elizabeth friendship

- mary and gideon have no chemistry haha

- DEAR GOD I LOVE LEITH AND CLAUDE

- greer is so strong, i love her

- I’m so for greer and leith’s friendship

- jc not the bash love storyline again

- i totally forgot mary killed narcisse’s son

- wait at what point did mary meet her ladies??

- literally the only part in this show so far to make cry is when mary went back to defend catherine tbh

- idk why i feel sympathy for catherine

- if bash dies i will stop watching

- thank god

- elizabeth is honestly a better friend to lola than mary was

- charles is so dumb

- god why can’t he learn anything, obviously his friend was a traitor

- charles’ traitor friend is bobo nick jonas

- dark mary is my everything

- claude is her mother’s carbon copy

- the valois children have other siblings? where are they and why haven’t we heard of them?????

- munro is so hot

- bash is actually fucking insane

- why is charles so trustworthy?

- when did james become hot?

- mary is so great when she’s not needy and crying for a romance

- how does everyone just kill people so easily??? i can’t even get my blood drawn without wanting to throw up

- lola is HEARTLESS

- IM SO DOWN FOR A CLAUDE/LEITH WEDDING

- also troye sivan? i love it

- charles totally sucks

- wait what happened with the pagans in the blood woods?

- i cannot stand gideon and mary together

- i’m so sad for lola, she was such a good character

- dear god, this was the only death that i’m actually sad for (and this includes francis)

- i want more for john philippe

- NO I TAKE THAT BACK POOR LEITH

- knox is such a creep

- marys brother needs to stop

- i’m so down with seer bash you guys don’t even understand

- mary is wild omg i love this turn around

- when did james get so hot

- lola and francis’ child is so fucking cute omg

- charles’ mental breakdown is crazy

- ewwww gideon and mary are gross af

- I’m all for darnley

- poor claude honestly, but she is a saint

- if he hurts her, ill beat him up

- damn charles is a vampire

- leith deserved so much better

- i love him

- dude i don’t even give a shit about the other relationships in this show, leith and claude are the greatest

- poor leith, I’m so sad

- agatha’s death is so fucking depressing

- i love mary when she actually has a backbone

- yes motherfucker, murder darnley

- i have no sympathy for darnley’s true love dying, he’s so rude and deceiving

- i love the friendship between catherine and mary ahh

- i don’t know how i feel about greer and james

- where did lady kenna go?

- i like the juxtaposition between mary and francis’ wedding and mary and darnley’s wedding with the flowers and attendees and just overall feeling and how adelaide kane acted in it. you could tell that she truly loved francis but doesn’t love darnley and feels scared with him

- also the fact that mary doesn’t match with darnley’s outfits is an interesting choice

- the timeline on this show is very strange

- claude’s character development is beautiful

- the horny witch is my fav

- umm what she’s pregnant?

- nicole can suck my fucking ass fuck her stupid ass

- i wish the end wasn’t so abrupt tbh

- the last five minutes was so good, i teared up

- ugh now i feel empty inside and want to watch it again!!

ugh this show is so good, like insanely good. i feel like most of the time the characterization was wonderful. claude was my favorite, so its no surprise i like claude and leith the best. i didn’t like francis most of the time while he was alive but i missed his presence on the show. bash was an absolute gem. adelaide kane is so hot oml i died multiple times. i really enjoyed watching it!!!

rate: 9/10 archduchesses falling out of a window during sex (still my favorite part of the show)

favorite character: claude! queen catherine!! runner ups: bash, greer, leith, sometimes mary, elizabeth at the endish

favorite season: season 1!! can’t beat the drama!

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x06 - Sex and Candy

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Maria’s (Heather Hemmens) investigation into her mother’s disappearance leads her and Alex (Tyler Blackburn) to the home of a mysterious boot maker named Travis (guest star David Anders). Meanwhile, on her journey of self-discovery, Isobel’s (Lily Cowles) night out leads her into the arms of someone unexpected. Finally, after making some major scientific strides, Liz (Jeanine Mason) is dealt a devastating blow. Geoff Shotz directed the episode written by Rick Montano & Vincent Ingrao (#206). Original airdate 4/20/2020.

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel's fight:

Lights start flickering when Max starts getting aggressive and then get brighter as he gets more worked up.

The first attempt to expel it seemed like he was causing an earthquake.  He blew out all the windows in the gym, knocked Isobel down, and there was shaking.  But it didn't seem to go beyond that room - no damage is seen when Michael arrives or around town.

Note, after the earthquake thingie the lights go out 

His hands are doing the electric power thingie and THEN he also grabs the lightning.

I think Isobel used her telekinesis to stop it and then push it away, which seemed to work...but if so then why couldn't Noah do that last season? 

Was it the sheer volume of electricity? There was definitely MORE than with Noah.

Michael uses his telekinesis to manually reset Max's heart.  This is very smart of him. Note that he's using his own heart/pulse to get it right.

They are using the antidote to Liz's serum to try to heal Max's mind. 

Michael says that they've been giving him antidote injections for three days (time jump).

Three days of antidote and no new memories for Max.

Isobel remembered her blackouts within a few hours of getting injected with the antidote in 1x10.

Note: Liz hesitated using the antidote this way in 1x10 because Isobel could still be dangerous and they didn't know about the 4th Alien yet.  There doesn't seem to be a similar hesitation with Max. Because Liz trusts him more? Because him forgetting her is more personal? It's not like there isn't a chance that Max is still dangerous…

Maria arranged a Mexican market in the Pony parking lot to subsidize her income.

Buffy the Beagle is Forrest's dog!

Maria comments that the meteor shower makes animals act strange. And humans too.

Forrest and Maria are organizing an open night mic at the Wild Pony.  Free drinks for performers.

Maria clearly approves of Forrest and Alex getting to know each other.  She smacks Alex for his awkward flirting.

The bootmaker's farm is about an hour outside of town.

The Science:

Kyle and Steph are watching a "surgical separation of craniopagus twins".

Craniopagus Twins = twins attached at the cranium/head. (Aka not a heart surgery).

"Did you know, ever since 1947, twin births in Roswell are higher than the national average? Maybe it's aliens."

Speaking of awkward flirting…. "You're just my favorite person I can't stand."

The Spanish:

Le cambio una bolsa de chiles para mi papá...for the free fries next time you come to the Crashdown.

Liz is bartering.  She says basically, I'll trade you a bag of chiles for my papa for free fries next time you come to the Crashdown. 

Note, the captions for this are wrong and use the Spanish word for grasshoppers instead, but you can clearly hear Liz say chiles. Thanks to @rosaortecho for pointing that out to me.

Max says:

I'm trying to eat clean. Uh, tiene carne seca sin como se dice, preservativos.

He's trying to say, basically, does the jerky have preservatives. 

Quiere carne a sin preservativos?

Basically, you want meat without condoms?

Lo siento. Uh, no lo entiendo.

I'm sorry, I don't get it.

Él quiere decir conservantes.

He means preservatives.

Gracias. Estoy embarazado.

Thank you. I'm pregnant.

Michael asks Max who he's texting. Max says everyone has been messaging him but Cameron is the only one who hasn't responded, which isn't like her.

Wildly curious who he was texting though.  It's not like he's a social butterfly. His mom? The sheriff? Who? As I pointed out to some friends the other day, he spent his 21st birthday getting trashed with his SISTER. This is not a trait of a guy with lots of close friends.

Just as another note, Michael says he ghosted her. When exactly was that? Yes, Max ran out on her in the middle of a handy in 1x03, but they addressed that the next day.  She "broke up" with him in 1x07, but they were still good right up until she left town. 

Isobel:

"Does he seem different to you?"

Alex and Maria playing "Never have I Ever" in the car. Good way to do background on characters.

Maria has never cheated on a boyfriend

Alex has never been in a real relationship. Not even "Kellie Sommer-something".

Alex says that whenever he was with a woman he was trying to disappear.  Except for Sophomore year after Battle of the Bands. Seven Minutes in Heaven in Haley Moore's hall closet. Alex and Maria kissed and it was Maria's first kiss (and boob graze).  She always thought she'd marry Alex. Had to come up with a new plan after he came out. 

Alex says "I did too."

"Kissing you in that closet was the first time in my life that I enjoyed touching someone."

Max picks up Liz for their first date…

Just as a note, Save Tonight was the opening song in the pilot of OG Roswell. During the "oh, Max Evans is staring at you again." exchange between Liz and Maria.  So, it might go well with new beginnings or something ;-)

The Science:

"Psychogenic amnesia limits retrieval of stored memories, but if we light up your limbic system and gustatory cortex with some familiar signals…"

"Your milkshake might bring all my memories to the yard?"

**Note, second reference to this song in the context of Liz bringing Max milkshakes. First was in 1x06 by Isobel. Hmm. 1x06 and 2x06… maybe they should crack this joke in 3x06 too.

"Sometimes when people wake up from comas they have different personalities, different tastes even…"

Everything you ever wanted to know about psychogenic amnesia:

But, my main takeaway is that it's a specific type of amnesia where there's abnormal memory function but no brain damage or other clear cause of it.

Limbic system:

Basically the part of your brain that stores emotion, behavior, and long term memory.

Gustatory cortex:

Basically the part of your brain that processes taste.

Maria compares Michael to Chad because he starts fights and lies.  Alex disagrees and lists ways that he was doing good things:

He lied to protect his family from Alex's family.

He shouldered the burden of a murder he didn't commit for ten years so that Isobel didn't have to.

He pushed Maria away to protect her - which might be a good thing too because of all his baggage. 

First Date:

Max went to Ranch camp one summer and dislocated his shoulder while trying to read Lord of the Rings on horseback. #nerd. 

Liz references the gala as not their first date, but there was also the desert in high school.  I guess she doesn't count that either. 

Side note: Cam and Liz talked about him peacocking in 2x03, but that kinda felt out of character at the time to the Max we knew.  This Max DOES seem like he's peacocking a bit. Got dressed up, taking Liz horseback riding. He admitted to trying to one up whatever they did together before. Just an interesting (to me) observation.

Liz looks panicky when Max suggests truth serum (because Science!Liz probably could make truth serum), but once she realizes he means whiskey she's like, "oh yes, that's fine." Oh Liz… 

Diego details:

They were engaged just last year

Liz left without saying goodbye

Bioengineer 

They were working together on the Denver study

They would come home and keep talking about work

He had ideas to help improve it

They both spoke The Science

He pushed her to get better at The Science

When the funding was cut she realized she loved the work more than him

Liz couldn't figure out how tell him that so she packed her things in the middle of the night, hit the road, changed her phone, and blocked him on Facebook.

**This is the first time LIZ has mentioned social media. Interesting given the crap Maria keeps giving her about it!

Travis and fresh warm milk. What is up with it??

"Nice ring. Does it keep you from burning up in the daylight?"

David Anders introduces himself as Travis.

Just as a point of interest, Maria researched enough to find the bootmaker, figure out where he lives, but she didn't get his name??? 

Vampire Diaries/Originals reference.

Travis says he can't help with car stuff.

The milk was from a cow named Jennifer.  He milked her for the last time today. (Creepy).

Weird contradictory statements from Travis:

"You're the best thing I've seen in a long time."....

"Mm, I'm sorry. So many customers and all their ugly faces get all sewn up and stitched together in my mind."

"Yeah, that's the woman that bought them boots. While back. Nice lady. She paid cash."

Second reference to animals behaving strangely during a meteor shower:

"Meteor shower's got my girls singing a bit off key tonight.  Jennifer, she likes a good lullaby."

"Okay this guy is going to turn us into skin suits." (OG reference? Or just general sci-fi?)

Meteorchella at Planet 7 (Coachella-style party during meteor shower?) with any excuse to add sparkles!

Kyle says he's at Planet 7 because he's trying not to hang out with people from high school.

Isobel says she's trying to have fun without feeling like prey.

Don't think the details of Kyle/Isobel dancing matters all that much, but as a point of amusement I'll share that in the panel on Tuesday night they shared that Lily whispered something different to Trevino on every take...And they got progressively dirtier to the point that she finally felt like she crossed a line and profusely apologized.  Also the lick was a Lily addition. 

Max's confession about killing the drifter:

Kind of an interesting thing, comparing the first version of the drifter story in 1x06 to the 2x06 version. 1x06 was more dramatic, but 2x06 was more personal, I think. 

1x06

"There are moments that define our lives, and there are moments that divide our lives. Incidents that separate us into two different people: who we were before and who we will be after. Forever…One day we were children and the next we were something else. I was a killer. Michael an accomplice.  And Isobel...Isobel was broken."

2x06

"I killed a man once, on a camping trip. This drifter came out of nowhere, attacked Isobel.  I wasn't even thinking. I killed him. With this. I arrest people who kill people. Most of them usually regret what they did. You know, you can just tell that they're forever broken. It's like a piece of them dies with their victims. So when I could feel that darkness, like I had to kill, I wanted Isobel to let me die. Because I couldn't risk hurting even one innocent person. Cause life just wouldn't be worth living."

Kind of an interesting narrative choice to confess to murder on a first date and then have the girl just brush it aside. 

"No, it just hit me why you're so happy and idealistic, and I feel like an idiot. You are that way because you don't remember me. It's a clean slate.  It's like when you got out of the pods with whatever memories you had erased it's probably for your own good."

"Last I heard you were the love of my life."

"Your cohorts, they left out some details. Cause if you had your memories I'm positive the worst thing that's ever happened to you is connected to me. And I can't bear the weight of making you remember that again."

**Note, second time this has been implied.  Last time was by Michael in 1x08 regarding the alien symbol.

"...it's gotta have some connection to us right? Maybe it was something we saw somewhere before the crash."

"Sorry, are you, Max Evans, acknowledging that we must have had lives before we hatched out of the pods? You never want to talk about home."

"Hey, Roswell is home. Look, I'm sorry man. You're right. I've spent a lot of time not talking about where we come from or why we're here.  Keep thinking I can pretend the past away and just be normal. But if Isobel's blackouts are some alien thing, then I need to know more. Okay, and this symbol? That's all I have to go on. I mean don't you think it's strange that we don't have any memories? I mean, no parents, no language. We weren't infants, man. We were seven."

"I just figured our memory faded. Over 50 years in those pods. Maybe it was just time. Or maybe whoever put us in those pods doesn't want us to remember."

Travis and Trevor's house...with added bonus of his ring that Alex comments on.

Leather ribbons/strips on the wall are for (from?) Hayley and Gertrude. More cows, I presume. 

There's also a framed Purple Heart on the wall next to a photo of Travis?

"War really messes with a man's mind.  Gets it all twisted up.

Timeline issue!! Alex says Mimi was missing for 3 weeks, but according to the clearly established timelines in 201-203 it was 4 weeks (or a month ish).  I wrote about this here:

Maria put her jacket on a scarecrow to trick Travis. And did she leave it there?

(Answer: yes. She doesn't wear it for the rest of the episode. Smart of her, actually).

Michael sees Trevor come out of the house and is about to shoot him. Maria immediate knew it wasn't Travis and threw herself in front of Michael's gun

Trevor shoots Travis.

A bullet from the Crashdown shooting falls out of Max's journal.  Does it look like it has blood on it? Or maybe just ketchup? If it's THE bullet it would make a lot of sense that he kept it hidden - evidence that Liz was shot. See this comparison between one of Wyatt's bullets in 1x02 and the one Max finds in 2x06

"Sorry about my twin here. He's had a rough go."

"Combat does not make you an axe murderer."

"No, it wasn't the combat. It was the R&D. If a paramilitary group ever asks you to take part in a study, you run the other way. He showed up a few weeks ago. Locked me up out back. Lucky y'all showed up when you did. Gave me a chance to escape."

R&D is a military acronym for Research and Development. (Aka...The Science.)

Priscilla - the cow Mimi's boots were made from.

This is literally the only direct information gained about the boots from this little sleuthing excursion. 

Well, and that Mimi paid cash, which isn't like her.

Side note - I didn't really know what Paramilitary meant, so just in case any of you are also not good with military stuff, Paramilitary groups are like private armies. Like, I dunno, the private security firm that Jesse and Cam discussed in episode 2x04. 👀

Male doctor operating on Steph clearly states:

"All right we're approaching an arterial junction."

A female doctor replies and its less clear.  What I hear is...Blood gasses are back? Anyone else hear something that makes more sense than that?

He replied something like...the stint through here

She says something about pH levels.

Max admits that he didn't know what would happen when he decided to bring Rosa back.  He just wanted to fix the worst thing that ever happened to all of them.

"I can't believe we were Shyamalan'd by an evil twin."

I think Alex is referring to the twist ending? Or maybe just the insane axe murderer stuff.

M. Night Shyamalan wrote and directed the Sixth Sense, Signs, Split, etc…

During this scene is the first time we see Michael's tattoo… it's on his arm. I struggled with getting a cap of it, but I know there are gifs going around.

I had every intention of detailing the dialogue in the trailer scene, but before I could get to it, Carina posted the script, so I didn't think it was a good use of my time. Here's the script:

The next morning, Alex calls the Sheriff from outside the trailer for an update.

The Sheriff tells him that Travis and Trevor burned their home and ran...weren't caught by the sheriff.  Which means we may not have seen the last of them.

The Spanish:

"Oh my God. Dios mio, Max. I took off your pants before I even said I love you. I'm some kind of zorra."

Dios mio basically is Oh My God! So Liz really was spiraling. She went, "Oh my God, Oh my God..."

Zorra - female version of Zorro. Basically a vixen, bitch, prostitute… the internet has all sorts of fun words that it translates into. 

"I call this one Visceral Werewolf Part 2, dedicated to my boy Chee Chee, may he rest in peace."

Can we have more Bert? Bert is the best. Also kudos to his goofy friend who is wayyy too excited about this.

Forrest's slam poem:

Locked up for days,

Time slipping away,

On my knees I would pray to break free from this cage.

But bargaining for keys, you forget hidden fees.

And wishing for what you’re missing ain’t the same as living the dream. 

And now I’m fighting to stay on this side of the cage.

Even though I know a part of me wishes I’d stayed. 

Ain’t no prophet or rebel or savior or devil

Could have predicted, fought, cheated or leveled. 

A life with potential that’s squandered, 

A comfortable cell is a question I ponder. 

Am I a free man or a prisoner wanderer?

Max's memory flash:

Young Max, chained to the ground as described in 2x03. 

Max looks scared.

He's dressed all in white like the 1947 aliens after the crash (As shown in 1x12 and 2x03).

He's in a cave or something like a cave. 

Holes in the wall are glowing an orangey red color.

The ceiling is like the alien ship material with the alien symbol in it.  

A figure approaches from behind him, bends down, and places a hand on his shoulder.

It mirrors the figure approaching Nora in 2x03 and touching her shoulder before burning the military men...probably the same person? Noah? The stowaway? Someone new?

After the figure touches Max, he looks at the hand, and then a red glow lights his face.

MUSIC:

1. Xocoyotzin Herrera "Esperanza"

2. Jose Luis Lepe "La Carreta"

3. Eagle Eye Cherry "Save Tonight"

4. Lousiana Red "I Done Woke Up"

5. Whissell "Magnetic"

6. Stop Dead "Alchemistress Dance"

7.  Orville Peck "Turn To Hate"

8. Kim Petras "Close Your Eyes"

9. Orville Peck "Queen Of The Rodeo"

10. Moontricks "The Fall"

11. Years & Years "Hypnotised"

12. Jordan Critz Feat. Birdtalker "Through Your Eyes"

This time I couldn't find the Whissell and Stop Dead tracks on spotify - however the Stop Dead track is referenced at being by Chelsea Dawn in the closed captions.  Which I did find. Trying to confirm this. Let me know if anyone else had better luck!