#don't blame you if you want to skip this chapter/stop reading/etc.

[hondayota]

Chapters: 6/15 Fandom: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater, Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Jordan/Declan Lynch, Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch, Hennessy & Ronan Lynch Characters: Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish, Richard Gansey III, Blue Sargent, Jordan (Dreamer Trilogy), Hennessy (Dreamer Trilogy), Noah Czerny, Joseph Kavinsky, Orphan Girl | Opal, Declan Lynch, Matthew Lynch Additional Tags: Light Angst, Slow Burn, the sandman au, where ronan is dream and adam is hob, do not need to have watched the sandman to understand, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, characters have been slightly aged up, might be slightly ooc sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Eye Trauma, Kavinsky/Corinthian is his own warning, Blood and Violence Summary:

“I don’t understand why someone would want an eternity on this earth,” Ronan said, turning away. He didn’t want to think about the man’s hands, almost boyish, calloused, long fingers and bony knuckles, or his smile, a casual thing, lips turning up in a false laugh at a bad joke. His name was Adam Parrish. Ronan didn’t want to think about that name, how the letters fit on his tongue, how it would sound out of his mouth.

 A Sandman AU where Ronan is the Greywaren, King of Dreams and Nightmares, Adam Parrish is a human granted immortality, and they meet every 100 years. Centuries-long pining ensues.

[greetingfromthedead]

C56: Rest of Eternity

For more information on the series (tags, CW, etc) click the banner!

Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 56/84

Words: 1.9k

No particular warnings for this chapter.

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You are on your way back from the dining hall. Vash was still asleep when you left his room. You wanted to do something nice for him by bringing him food. The platter with a large serving of pancakes and all kinds of extras is in your hands as you walk along the long corridor. Your heart is light and happy, to the point you want to skip back to Vash and throw yourself at him.

Your happy daze is interrupted by steps coming from a fork in the road. You turn your head and see Brad nearing along the empty stretch. He looks deep in thought, but as you stop in his line of sight, he looks up. He is just a few meters away.

"Hey, Iris." Brad approaches you and seems more awkward than usual. "I'm glad I caught you alone."

"Hi, Brad!" You smile at him kindly. "Also, I just want to say that I am awfully sorry for how I reacted when I first saw you. It was nothing personal, and I feel bad about it."

You assume his uneasiness around you stems from the way you blamed him for experimenting on you when you first laid eyes on him. Of course, none of it is true, and it was your mind playing tricks on you, but it still makes you feel very guilty.

"And thank you for working so hard to help me. If I can repay you somehow, let me know; I'm eternally grateful!"

"Actually, that's why I am here," he says, looking away from you. "And you have nothing to worry about—water under a bridge and all that. Anyway. I cracked it."

Your eyes widen, and you freeze up. He looks up at you again before continuing.

"I didn't read it; I only checked the files to see if they are whole, checked that they were decrypted correctly, and all that; I didn't mean to see what I saw." He hands you a tablet; it's closed, the two sides pushed together into a stick. "It's for you to decide what you want to do with it and who you want to share it with. I didn't see much, but what I did... it's horrific... For a person to do that to another... I am so sorry. I won't tell anyone what I saw; you have my word, and the only cracked copy is on that device. I added some logs that might be relevant... and his name."

"Brad..." you say quietly as you shift the tray to balance on just one of your hands and take the stick.

"You don't owe me anything. Let it be a small kindness that can never make up for what was done to you..." Brad turns away from you and tries to toughen up before leaving in the direction of the dining room.

"Thank you," you say after him. "I don't know what else to say."

He humphs and waves without looking back. Your eyes move to the stick in your hand, and it feels strangely heavy. What could it hold to get such a reaction from the generally stoic man? You decide to ignore it for now, so you put it on the edge of the tray before gripping it with both hands and heading down the corridor. Still, the damage is done—the nagging curiosity is hammering in the back of your head, the spring gone from your legs.

You enter Vash's room and see him stirring from his sleep. His hand rubs his eyes as he focuses his gaze on you. His hair is a mess, falling in all directions, and it looks adorable.

"Sorry, Sprout, I didn't mean to wake you up." You go to his bed, and he sits up to scoot more to the edge of the mattress to make room for you to sit beside him. You lay the tray on his lap after he attaches his prosthetic, and you place a kiss on his lips. "I brought you breakfast."

"Good morning..." His voice is still sleepy and a little raspy. "Didn't you sleep at all? What are you doing up so early?"

"I did sleep, but I was rudely woken up by a certain someone nearly pushing me off the bed," you laugh.

"You said you didn't want a bigger bed. You can only blame yourself," he yawns again and turns his gaze onto the tray. "Oooh! Breakfast in bed! Thank you, Sweet Pea!"

His hands hover over the pancakes, fingers wiggling as if trying to decide what he wants first. His enthusiasm amuses you, his warm body next to yours is comforting, and your mind wanders to how it's not your skin that feels it; the heat resonates somewhere deeper in your soul.

"Enjoy!" You stroke his biceps closest to you for a moment before resting your hands on your lap.

"What's that?" Vash asks with his mouth full as he picks up the tablet from the tray. You had managed to forget about it being there, even though the thoughts of what could be on it have been consuming you all the way here.

"Oh," you exhale, a strange heaviness in your chest. "I ran into Brad on my way here; he gave it to me. Apparently he cracked the folder open..."

Vash's eyes shoot toward you, filled with surprise. His cheeks are full of pancakes, but he forgets to chew. It takes him a moment before he painfully swallows the large mouthful down.

"Have you looked at it?!" he finally presses out, still overwhelmed by the shock of the news.

"No." You shake your head, and your eyes find the device in his hand.

His eyes are still on you, and he is baffled. He is unsure what to say; he doesn't dare to ask why, after all this time, you seem nearly indifferent to the information on there. He hands you the stick, and you take it, resting it on your legs, your fingers tracing the edge. The buzzing and voices in your head are getting louder.

"Are you afraid?" Vash asks quietly, his hand gently grabbing onto your thigh.

"Terribly," you admit, "I already knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. For years, I was tortured. I suffered at his hands. I thought I wanted to know, but now I'm not quite sure anymore. The memories of my past life shook me... so what will this knowledge do to me? Not to mention Brad's reaction... He apologized for something he never did... So what is on here?"

"It's your choice. If you don't want, you don't ever have to look at it." Vash's hand squeezes our leg lightly.

"But what if it holds the answers? We still don't know why I got this sick. What if it happens again? What exactly am I, and how did I become this? Won't it be better to drag the demons out into the light?"

"What if it doesn't have the answers you're looking for? What if it's just pain?" Vash's voice is quiet.

"Yes, indeed, what if..." You grip the stick and take a deep breath before trying to sound more cheerful. "That's why I haven't looked yet. I wanted to have a nice morning with you, to bring you breakfast and make you happy, to hear your sleepy voice and pretend like this is the rest of our lives."

He looks at you with mixed feelings; there's happiness and sorrow, his eyes more downturned, yet a light smile dances on his lips. You love his expressiveness, all the little details he used to hide behind a mask; now you rarely see it anymore; it's reserved for the rest of the world, but not you.

"Right," he nods and takes the tablet from your hands again. He reaches over, careful not to dip the tray on his lap, and puts the device out of sight under the bed. He comes up again and seems pleased with himself.

"Then it's not here at all; forget about it. It's just you and me... and breakfast!" He smiles a bit goofy, and it helps you wipe away the worries you carry.

"Right..." you smile at him and nab a piece of pancake from his plate. You dip it in some jam and stuff it in your mouth.

"You said you brought the breakfast for me, and now you're blatantly stealing! You have no shame!" He teases you as he wipes away some jam from your lips and sticks his finger in his mouth.

"You always find something to complain about! Is that what the rest of eternity will look like?" You pretend to be upset while you chew.

"Only if you want it to," he grins.

"I absolutely do!" You swallow and kiss his cheek.

Vash prepares another pancake, smearing some chocolate sauce on it, but before eating it, he takes a piece and offers it to you, which you gladly take. His free hand finds yours, and he interlaces his fingers with yours. His side leans more into yours, his head touching your shoulder. You can feel his jaw move as he chews, a relieved sigh escaping him.

"This was a great idea on your part, I must say!" He speaks with his mouth full, stuffing more cake into it as soon as he takes half a swallow. He offers you his pancake as soon as he notices you eyeing it, and you take a big bite.

"Oioi!" A muffled sound escapes him, but you feel him laughing lightly.

Your mind is wiped clean of what was, what could be, and what will be. It's just you and the person you love most in this world sharing food together, enjoying the tastes and textures. A simple act that brings you peace, it feels like sunshine, bright and warm. The teasing between the two of you is lighthearted and fun, making you giggle and nudge his side a bit. When the tray is empty, Vash puts it on the floor, and as he turns, he grabs you into his embrace.

"You escaped me this morning! So you owe me some snuggles!" He pulls your back against his chest, and he presses his face into your neck. His sudden outburst makes you laugh again, and his hair tickles you. "You are so sweet, and you smell so nice! I want to eat you up!"

He licks over your neck and places quick kisses in succession over the wet spot.

"Hey now! I'm not a lollipop!" You laugh as your hands cover his, around your torso.

"Then why do you taste like one?" His kisses move closer to the back of your neck, and one of his hands moves to push aside your hair. He kisses your scruff, his fingers pulling down your shirt's neckline to move slightly down your spine. He manipulates the seam to uncover part of your shoulder, kissing your skin softly before gently biting, leaving perfect teeth marks. He enjoys you gasping at his action and turning your head to look at him. The cheeky glint in his eyes is clear as day, and the innocent snuggles are quickly turning into something more.

He pulls you onto his lap but widens the gap between his thighs so you land on the mattress, his bent legs to either side of you. His arms tighten around you as he leans closer and kisses your neck again. You feel his chest against your back. As he continues kissing and sucking your skin, his hands explore you, running over your stomach and legs, one finally settling to play with your breast under your shirt, the other undoing your pants to slither inside. His fingers expertly finding their way to where you want them most.

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[astrarchee]

updates [03/13/2023];

hello everyone!

apologies from the get go, for my silence. i know that this blog is pretty much run on a queue of various quotes / prompts / writing things / etc., and not even many people following... but to those that are here, following because you enjoy my work, i wanted to provide an update on what's going on with everything:

[to save on space, everything is below the cut. TL;DR also below the cut.]

chasing down the gods ⇨

the update is much, much later than i had previously promised. this is due to some things that happened offline, and threw my mind [and - generally - everything] into a bit of chaos. it's been hard to find inspiration, so i was giving myself some breathing space. my hope and goal is to get the chapter done this week, since the following one is already completed. i had considered posting that, but i don't want to time-skip quite yet. i don't think it's fair to all of you who have stuck with me for... 8 years, if my math is semi correct. in the interim, i actually made this fun page for it [link also in the sidebar/drop down titled "check the page"]! my hope is to make one for every work i've posted / am working on [aka, WIPs and completed]. feel free to check it out! i hope you all like it [it's dark mode, and should be mobile friendly-ish].

now, speaking of WIPs...

untitled gd fic ⇨

if you check this blog's homepage much [i will not blame you if you don't], you will have noticed a new work was put under the right sidebar [dropdown menu on mobile]. this was titled "untitled gd fic," and i am happy to announce that i am ready to reveal some first insights! as with cdtg, a WIP page has been made. as much as I would love to share it, due to a title being... not there, the url is a bit choppy. so, to make it up a bit, here's a photo so you all can have a sneak preview:

a couple notes:

this will be multichapter

this will be close to complete / mostly completed prior to uploading beginning

current ETA for uploads starting is may 2023 [forgoing more unforeseen life issues]

none of the bigger "archive warnings" for AO3 will apply [i.e. no non-con / major character death / etc.]* * only exception might be gore, but the plan is to not have extreme graphic details. think more criminal minds prior to it going to paramount+ and thus being able to show more.

when we are in april, my hope is to have the page itself available for everyone to check out. i am hoping to use these across the board

anything else ⇨

as said, these pages will be made for every fic. so, that includes mending bones and packed lunches and misplaced mistletoes. i will be putting links to these... somewhere. i have not gotten that far in my thought process. but, this allots a bit of time to actually work on things for this blog / towards my muse and writing inspiration, rather than just sitting and waiting.

one more thing [almost posted without mentioning this]: i will be linking to my main blog for a fic rec list. there, you'll find fics i've read and recommend for various fandoms. they were basically all wlw, but i don't know what else anyone would expect from me here. i will link both the mobile friendly edition, and the desktop version. i tend to prefer the desktop, but i know that tumblr mobile has become a lot more popular than when i first started here. i will note: i need to update it [has not been updated since... early february, i believe], but if you want something to read, check it out! my blog will also have a book rec page up eventually. that one takes a lot longer since that library is also expansive. if you want to go ahead and see recs now in the interim, here's the link to my blog's page with the direct links to said pages.

that's it though! i know i wrote a lot here, so:

TL;DR:

cdtg update will come as soon as life stops being messy + a fun WIP page

a new fic for a new fandom coming soon to a theater near you

pages for all previously completed works [aka all two of them] will be added to the blog very soon.

feel free to reach out, if you want to chat or anything. tumblr notifications are wonky as heck - but i will reply as swiftly as i can. hopefully i can do these kinds of updates biweekly / monthly. those of you here for the fic and the quotes, let me know if that sounds good to you.

much love - C

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Wednesday Nov 8th

I need to start journaling again consistently.

Think about how badly you want to go home right now. When you get home, let yourself actually rest.

When I get home, go in the bedroom and close the door, the cats can wait.

Take off all clothes. Put on a big t shirt and nothing else.

Take 2 benadryl and put them somewhere in plain sight to remember to take them. Take 2 aspirin and do the same.

Go to the bathroom, but don't stay too long, no picking/ scratching/ etc.

Take a nap, put on something just so you don't hear Barrel but keep it quiet, low, just audible enough.

No phone, no timer, just sleeping.

Noises are giving me so much anxiety today I feel like I just want silence. I am so overstimulated.

2pm

I knew my question for verbal defense today. My normal self wants to chalk it up to "good luck". But what I really want to tell myself is that I'm proud of me for trying to read this book, even though I only read 2/4 chapters. I got asked a question from the first chapter. What if I really didn't gaf and had not read any of the book? I would have been fucked them I would have blamed it 100% on me. It's not like I would have blamed it on "bad luck", so why blame my good results on "good luck" instead of the work I actually did and put time into? Just something to think about. The work I did was clearly better than doing no work at all. ❤️ Reward your hard work and be grateful, be proud and happy for yourself.

3pm

Holy shit my ass hurts from fucking sitting for so long this class is making me want to die. I'm so fucking bored. Also, I don't think anyone is gonna jump my ass for the SOAP note, just stay positive. I literally feel like I'm going to have a fucking embolism from these tight pants and uncomfortable ass chair. 😒

330pm

Yay they cancelled my stupid fucking meeting tonight so I DON'T have to feel guilty about skipping it :')

I really want to stop buying food/ meals and replace it with other habits like buying beverages/ vitamins/ diet things/ foods/ ice. I miss my ice habit.

6pm

Ok learning so much about mental health has made me really want to explore seeking help for my GAD. On the other hand it's constantly triggering to have to keep "learning" about anxiety and realizing more and more that these patient cases and guidelines are literally describing me, and why has nobody ever tried to help me or point this out to me before. It's just sad bc all I've ever tried to do is help ppl but I have really let myself and my mental health go :(

Hopefully I can get help soon, really want to try telehealth.

9pm

Yay done with my work for today and I'm really proud of myself :) got some taco bell for dinner and it smells amazing. Amen 🙏🙌

[bao3bei4]

thanks for clearing up the translation thing with mxtx, I see now that I agree with her stance on non-romantic yet intriguing dynamics. but asking this in good faith (you don't have to answer if you feel like I'm starting a fight): what do you think of the hostility that comes from the more serious issues in her books, like the questionable 'main couple meets when one of them was a child', the lack of consent etc? as a poc myself I find it hard to sympathize with all that.

so this is an interesting question, and something that i tried to allude to in that essay. i think there are legitimate criticisms of mxtx. i’ve (obviously) been able to make my peace with them, since i (unfortunately) post so gd much about these posts, but uh. i don’t blame other people if they don’t or can’t.

cw for discussions of fictional sexual violence and exploitation, scum villain’s self-saving system spoilers

scum villain gets most criticism for its premise, which uh. makes sense. it’s about an online hater bro-type who ends up transmigrating into the character he hated most, and has to try to survive the protagonist’s wrath in a shitty trope-y gary stu-esque wish fulfillment harem novel.

so the elephant in the room is that ofc, this is ultimately a teacher-student romance. what i will say in mxtx’s defense is that she does her level best to mitigate this. the protagonist is really fucking stupid. he in no way grooms his student. he actively hates the character he transmigrated into for possibly being inappropriate towards one of his (female) disciples. he remains unaware of his disciple’s affections for comically implausible lengths. he repeatedly gets fridged for years at a time to narrow the age gap. the disciple ends up becoming wildly more powerful than the protagonist.

a friend of mine commented that scum villain’s teacher/student relationship was at the edge of her comfort zone, not the start, and that’s basically how i feel. it doesn’t really read as a teacher-student romance, as much as it does... farce. i don’t blame people for uh, blanket not wanting to read a teacher/student romance. but i will say--i do genuinely think that mxtx took pains to be as unambiguous as possible that this was parody first and grooming never.

i joke--tongue in cheek--that mxtx will introduce two contradictory iffy power dynamics at once and hope they cancel out. luo binghe is shen qingqiu’s student, but shen qingqiu is dumb. also luo binghe is an all-powerful demon lord. hua cheng met xie lian as a child meeting his ruler, but xie lian forgot about him. also hua cheng is an all-powerful demon lord. ymmv on whether you can enjoy this.

the second elephant (it was hiding behind the first one) is the sexual violence, whether consensual or nonconsensual, which is a major plot point in the story. her other novels, modao zushi and tian guan ci fu, have similar criticisms leveled at them.

scum villain has a climatic scene where the male lead, who is not in control of his actions, has sex with the protagonist. the protagonist finds it painful and coercive. it is difficult to read as consensual for anybody involved. modao zushi has multiple sex scenes with consensual nonconsent and also umm general BL tropes. (this is exacerbated by the lack of content warnings for chapters like the incense burner extra, which desperately needs one.) tian guan ci fu has a scene where the young male lead is aware--and can hear--the protagonist being aroused by um i guess what we’ll colloquially call sex pollen.

they aren’t like. fun or sexy to me as a reader, and i think they’re something that have been stopping points for many people. and um yeah. i think it’s pretty obvious why people may not want to read it. i think it’s definitely possible to skip or skim the scenes if they make you uncomfortable. that said, i don’t think they’re exceptional for the genre.

my overall stance is that her novels don’t activate any of my personal hangups too badly, and i enjoy reading them so i do. i don’t find them like, societally harmful, so i don’t discourage other people from reading them. however, i understand that other people may find them uncomfortable for whatever reason, and i won’t try to convince them otherwise.

i want to defend mxtx from random vitriol from people who don’t cite legitimate critiques, while holding space for people whose experiences with sexual violence and exploitation leave them troubled by her books. all in all, i just don’t think she’s a bad person, even if her books sometimes have content that can be triggering and uncomfortable.