#don't forget to like and subscribe if you read this far

[setyourfireonme]

2 in the end of the night we'll be together again / i told you to trust me, 'cause in the meantime i'll be here 4 if we both go down we go down together / in the wake of weak beginnings, we can still stand high 6 never been good with drawing a line / you keep me in the dark 8 we're made up of the same blood, i'll be your medicine if you let me / and if you're evil i'll forgive you by and by 10 i would kneel down and ask him, not to intervene when it came to you / i wanna live together in a petri dish, i can be algae you can be fungi 12 i want to bleed and feed us forever, but i want to feed the hunger inside / come on and rest your head, and i will protect you 14 i can love you more, more than they, i am moulded from more than clay / so take me home to you 16 would you come with me or would you resist? oh could you just give in / i could break a glass just to watch it shatter, i'd do anything just to feel with you 18 i'd wait my whole life, just to meet you / i look at this life, i only want me and you 20 forsaken heaven, to bring you my love / and i draw a line, to your heart today 22 and i am standing here calling out your name, 'cause you're my twin flame / sometimes our love is everlasting spotify

[backinblackstaff]

I'm sorry if I missed your messages or posts..

I've been working and disassociating a lot lately. Sorry, it will likely happen again. Please continue to message me in the meantime, as I'll need something to read or focus on again when my brain allows me more than 30 seconds of peace, thanks.

[pseudophan]

some post wad weekend thoughts...

i just wrote all this on the plane and haven't read it through so apologies for any mistakes

first of all, this weekend was incredible. i usually just kinda sit at home doing not much of anything, and this was a much needed break to actually have some fun. london in general always lifts my spirits but i suppose that danisnotonfire guy contributed a little as well.

guys i think i've met more people the past few days than i otherwise have in years. like. holy shit. i started listing people but i'm petrified i'll forget someone so i chickened out, sorry about that. but you all know who you are. i've met friends i've had for years, people i used to know but haven't spoken to in what feels like a decade, newer friends, and a frankly baffling amount of people i didn't know yet but who told me they've followed me for ages. like holy fuck you guys lmao what the hell??? and i mean did the reaction ever get old no of course it didn't. bad for my ego i'm sure but totally worth it. there's something very amusing and incredibly surreal about being chronically lame in most aspects of life and then suddenly finding yourself in an environment where you're kinda cool???? SO fucking fun oh my god, but also i do kinda feel like i've tricked you all? but hey i'll happily let you keep believing i'm cool, that is more than fine with me.

most importantly though everyone was SO lovely. like i said i don't think i've spoken to this many people in such a short amount of time in years and every single person i talked to was awesome. guys did you know phannies are kind of great... don't tell anyone but, lowkey... everyone is so funny and cool and absolutely insane but in a good way (shoutout everyone left at the gates until the very end, we should probably get some help).

and then lastly of course, mr howell himself. i talk about this a lot i feel like but fuck me that man was born to perform. whether you think he's actually funny or not, nobody can argue he doesn't absolutely thrive on a stage. he plays off the audience so well and he's so very obviously having the time of his fucking life. i'd already seen the show twice before this, and i didn't think anything would top the previous london show but man... the first night he came back out after the show having clearly been tearing up backstage, apologising for being an inconsistent absent parent, and i can't lie the "i had daddy issues and THEN i subscribed to dan howell" got me cause yeah no literally dude, you nailed it, exactly, well done. i think something about doing this show again, his magnum opus as he considers it, now after the dapg return was very special to him. he seems genuinely surprised that so many of us were ready to just jump back in like nothing happened, i don't think he was expecting so many people to still be waiting and it's... man. he comes off so grateful for us all and it's so fucking sweet. and then on the last night, i think that was my favourite, when the show ended and he got the standing ovation and people throwing him flowers.. he was so HAPPY. and clearly overwhelmed with emotion which, i gotta say, there is something honestly kinda funny about daniel howell standing in front of you trying not to cry. like no by all means dude go ahead, please, you've made me cry an endless amount of times it's only fair.

ugh. i'm proud of him or whatever. dick. and i'm proud of our ridiculous fucking community. i'm not sure what 14 year old nora would say if you'd told me i'd still be kicking it in the phandom a decade on, but at almost 25 (fml) i'm so so happy to be here still. you know, we get a bad rep, but i genuinely think as far as fanbases go we're pretty solid. and i love you all so much.

i believe i will have to rob a bank or something because the next time dan and/or phil do a tour i think i'll have to just show up at every date like i'm sorry but this was too good of a high we need to do it again immediately

anyway. back to work 💪

(by which i mean giffing dan and phil. i am still very much unemployed. fr though i'm two whole videos behind this has never happened i feel weird. who am i)

[sicklymuttz]

um hi so I drew jeremy

and as I was drawing I was brainstorming so much lore

so basically, here a thing i came up with for Jeremy and how it pertains to my au I have with infected and unpleasant

Okay so basically... I had the idea of Jeremy coming from a video game, similar to how Infected and Unpleasant are technically now game characters in Roblox. He's from an old arcade game, a save the princess type of story, I'm thinkin. And Jeremy was the hero you played as that saved the princess! However, after years of being around, Jeremy's game soon fell out of style, since Arcade games were as well. The company that made him kinda forgot about him and left him to rot while they made other games.

Which is what caused Jeremy to go rogue. See, he didn't want to just be forgotten, instead, he made sure he was gonna thrive, with or without that damn video game. He wanted revenge. So, he escaped. He materialized into the real world, and was gonna make it everyone else's problem. Pissed off and angry that he wasn't popular anymore, he stormed off and killed anyone who tried to wrong him. See, Infected cant be outside of his computer for very long, and the same goes for Jeremy. The longer he remained outside of his game, the more he bugged out he got and the more he lost control of himself.

He convinced himself that he was still the hero of the story. He had to be. He was only doing what was right by killing the people who deserved it. Jeremy is the hero, dammit, he's the one who's gonna save the fucking day.

But with a mind so clouded in revenge and hatred, and a bug infesting his coding, there was no sign of the hero Jeremy used to be.

OOPSIE! sorry i got all serious there, promise it won't happen again!!!

I really want to incorporate unpleasant and Jeremy being exes as well, but with how my lore is set up, it would be a little difficult... I'll figure something out, I promise!!!! I already have kind of an idea and if I ever get it fully sorted out, I'll be sure to share

ANYWAY if you made it this far don't forget to SMASH that like button, HIT subscribe and TURN ON that bell! stay tuned for another autistic ass rambling, and if you're still here, THANKS FOR READING SO FAR!!!! okay bye now :3

[sundrop-writes]

Announcing my new fic: Heaven's Gate

Heaven's Gate is a long oneshot starring Daryl Dixon and a gender neutral reader character, featuring angst, hurt and comfort, and some fluff.

NOW POSTED!!!!!

In this fic, you and Daryl get separated when the prison is attacked by the Governor, and though you both believe the other person is dead, you two end up finding each other at the most unexpected time. This fic is about hope, the human connection, and how love is about more than romance - it's about how people take pieces of each other and grow with them, never truly able to forget each other.

This fic is going to be a longer oneshot that is currently about 15k long - and will likely be longer by the time it has gone through editing. It is 80% of the way done in my drafts (not including editing), and I hope to have it posted by April 30th - which is a tentative date that may change. If you want to know for certain when the fic is posted, you can follow me here and turn on notifcations or you can subscribe to me on AO3 to get an email notification when the fic is posted. I am really excited to share this fic with all of you 💖.

Below is a short preview of the fic - so if you wanna get a better sense for the upcoming fic you can read it. If you enjoy this preview and you're excited for what the fic holds, please let me know!

Also an important note: with my gender neutral reader fics, I don't use any references to gender whatsoever (this is not a 'GN afab' fic). And in this fic in particular, I didn't use any pronouns (other than you/yours) or gendered terms for the reader - and at points where the terms they/them were used, I made it purposefully vague so that the dialogue could be referring to the whole group as 'they' or just the reader. I want my gender neutral fics to be enjoyed by everyone - cis women, cis men, gender non conforming people, trans people - every kind of fanfiction reader.

I am making this post for two major reasons - one, I want to generate as much excitement for oneshots as there is for series. Especially for oneshots that are longer than 10k because those take a lot of time and effort. If a series is like a TV show, then long oneshots are like a feature film. And two - nobody seems to read my pinned post where I announce new upcoming fics anyway, so I might as well make posts like these so that people can know what to expect from me. And hopefully you guys will get excited about my upcoming fics this way. And when I tag these posts with the relevant tags, people interested in those topics can follow me to anticipate the fic if they want to read it.

Heaven's Gate (Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader) - Preview

Preview Word Count: 1,800

Warnings: no pronouns used for the reader other than you/yours; there are major plot spoilers for The Walking Dead if you are watching the show for the first time - spoilers for Season 2 all the way up through Season 5; typical warnings for TWD - mentions of death, emotional despair; all of these themes and emotions are expanded upon in the full fic.

...

“Daryl!” 

You called out his name as you jogged up toward the stables, and he stopped in his tracks, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

“Daryl, hey.” You greeted him with a small smile. “Rick told me you’d be up here.” 

He grunted in reply. “Yeah. ‘m gonna take a horse out. Make better ground t’ look for the girl.” 

Your stomach clenched at him mentioning her. 

The group was supposed to be headed out towards Fort Bennet - supposed to be finding refuge at the hopefully safe military base. Instead, you were all setting up camp at the very reluctant Hershel Greene’s farm, not straying too far from where you had lost one of your own in the hopes of finding her. 

But that was why you had come to talk to Daryl in the first place. 

Sophia had become like a sister to you in the few short months that you had known her, and though it was unlikely, you were hopeful that she was alive - that she would be found. And you did believe that Daryl would be the one to find her. 

“How’s the trail?” You asked. “Do you think you know which way she headed? You - you can be honest with me.” 

You hesitated on the last part. But you did want his honesty more than anything. And you knew that he was never one to sugar-coat things. Even if you hadn’t told him that, he would have given you the truth anyway. 

“Trail’s a little muddy.” He said, doling out that honesty. “‘m gon follow the river. It’s her biggest landmark out there, so she’ll probably be somewhere around it.” 

You smiled at him. And then, you remembered - 

“I brought you something.” You noted, reaching for the back pocket of your jeans. 

Daryl watched with quiet curiosity as you pulled out a piece of paper - when you showed it to him, he quickly realized that it was a half-used set of stickers. 

“These are some of the stickers that I got for Sophia,” You explained. “My mom always used to tell me that cardinals are good luck.” 

You peeled off a sticker of a bright red bird - as much of a nature man as he was, Daryl was never one for bird watching. He didn’t care about identifying certain species of birds unless he could shoot and eat them. But he quickly reasoned that this must be the cardinal that you spoke of. 

“Give me your bow.” You said, shoving the rest of the sticker sheet into your back pocket again and holding out your hand expectantly. 

“I don’t need no luck.” He replied, voice full of snark. 

“Just give it.” You replied - equally snarky, equally stubborn. 

Daryl sighed and tugged his bow’s strap over his head, presenting it to you. You placed the sticker on the bow’s handle, in one of the places where it wasn’t as worn down from him holding it. 

“There,” You said, giving it back to him with a smile. “Now you’re all set.” 

It was more for you than it was for him - a token of good faith and protection. The idea that you could do something to bring Sophia home when you felt so powerless. 

Daryl let out a harsh sound - somewhere between a laugh and a sarcastic snort as he walked away. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome,” You replied brightly, edging on sarcastic once again. 

… 

When the prison was attacked, Daryl got out with Beth. 

He almost couldn’t stand her bright eyes, big eyes staring at him, waiting for answers - her chirpy little voice, prodding at him, demanding that they ‘follow the trail’ and go look for everyone else. Telling him that he was a tracker, that he could find them. As if it was his damn responsibility just because he had the skills to get it done. 

It was all too reminiscent of you, telling him that he could find Sophia. That it wasn’t an ‘if’ - it was a ‘when’. 

Perhaps that was what got him off his ass and doing what he did best - reading the dirt. 

“What’re you doin’?” He asked, staring at the girl curiously as she went to one of the bushes and rushed to pick berries from branches. Had she not gotten enough to eat that morning? 

“They’ll be hungry when we find them.” Beth told him confidently. 

Of course. That undefeatable streak of optimism. 

Daryl knew that blueberries weren’t your favorite - but he should have something to give you. He would be too busy tracking the footprints to properly hunt for squirrels or rabbits and clean them for you. So, he found himself pulling a large bandana from his back pocket and offering it to Beth - something to hold the berries in to keep them safe as an offering for you. 

“Here.” He grunted at her. 

Beth smiled at him. 

It was one of the last smiles she gave him for a long time. 

When they came across those bodies splayed out beside the tracks - any sense of hope was crushed inside of him. The picture you had gifted him was heavy inside his breast pocket, and he hated that tears threatened his eyes - even if he knew that none of those bodies belonged to you. There was no trace of you there. 

The days started to blur into each other, and Daryl couldn’t get you off his mind. 

One hazy evening, as they both stared into the fire with dead looks on their faces, he took the drawing out of his pocket and unfolded it. 

For good luck. 

He didn’t believe in luck - because it didn’t exist. The world was fucked. Nobody was lucky. You and your good luck were dead. 

He tossed the drawing into the fire, and it was only a moment, when the corner of it had barely caught, when Beth snatched it out. She stomped on it with her boot, successfully saving it. 

“Don’t do that.” She hissed at him. 

Daryl snatched it from her, and crumbled it up, tossing it aside. He let out a grunt, but refused to look at her. 

“That was from Y/N, wasn’t it?” She posed. 

He could feel her imposing stare as she waited for an answer. 

He didn’t give her one. 

“You can’t burn them just because you think they’re dead.” Beth sighed. “You can’t burn up memories. We’re gonna find them. Y/N, and Maggie, and Michonne, and - and everyone.” 

Daryl scoffed. “Yeah. Cause that’s gon’ happen.” 

Beth rolled her eyes, but didn’t speak any further on the subject. 

After she had fallen asleep - when the fire was dull, Daryl picked up the crumbled ball and smoothed it out again. The charred corner hadn’t even touched your bird. He felt like a fool doing it, just as much of a fool as he accused you of being, but he folded it neatly - well, as neatly as he could - and then put it back into his breast pocket again. 

But that was the thing - Daryl wished that he could. He wished he could burn up those memories. 

That you would stop haunting him. Then he wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore.

… 

“Can I see it again?” Beth asked, suddenly changing the subject. 

Again, this was a confusing little whip for Daryl - something that clearly only made sense to Beth in her own drunken mind. 

“See what?” Daryl replied. 

“The picture.” Beth answered. “The one you tried to burn.” 

Daryl felt a pinch of guilt surge over him at the thought. Oddly enough, this was the one time he would be willing to admit that Beth was right - you can’t burn up memories. 

“It was Y/N, wasn’t it? That drew it.” Beth added on, her words slurring slightly - she lifted the mason jar of booze to her lips again and Daryl was tempted to snatch it away from her. 

Instead, he found his hand drifting to his breast pocket and reaching to take the picture out. He presented it to Beth, who put down her drink to unfold it - she stared at the picture fondly under the brightness of the moonlight, tracing a finger over the slightly faded details. 

“You know… my daddy used to tell me that a cardinal is like an angel.” Beth said, recognizing the bird from her father’s teachings on the farm. “Someone - someone you loved who passed away, watching over you from heaven.” 

“Y/N said they was good luck.” Daryl replied. 

Beth shrugged. “Same thing.” 

It was this thought that kept Daryl going for a long time. The idea that even if you were dead, you were watching over him somehow. He sure as hell didn’t believe that someone like Merle would be an angel - but you, you definitely were. And even if it was a waste of your eternal life, you would be determined to watch over Daryl - to make sure that he was safe, well-guided. 

You would make sure that he was lucky. 

That thought alone carried him through the long journey to D.C. 

It was something that lingered in his mind as the group hunkered down in a random barn - as he spotted something carved into one of the wooden beams holding the place up. Even though it wasn’t colored, he could have sworn that the long tail and pointed head of the silhouette indicated that the carving was meant to be cardinal. Of course. 

Who knows who had stayed in the barn before them - if it had been left there by a weary traveler, or even put there by someone who had used the barn before the turn. But Daryl could have sworn that you - your ghost, your angelic hand - had led him to this very spot. 

It was a thought that gave him strength as he held the doors up - helped to keep them from caving in while the storm raged outside. 

Your luck, and your damn bird - you would keep him safe. 

When they reached Alexandria, and they were forced to give up their weapons - Daryl spotted your bird perched on the fence. Bright red, with its pointy head cocked sideways at him. All too knowing, staring at him like it wanted to say something. Just like it had been when he had fallen off the cliff out in the woods when he had been looking for Sophia. 

Oddly enough, it made him feel safe giving up his crossbow - perching it on top of the fully loaded cart of weapons before the awkward, bespeckled woman wheeled it away. 

Rick was still weary of this new place after Terminus, and Daryl understood. He followed Rick’s lead. Especially because he couldn’t tell Rick that he had a good feeling about this place because he saw a damn bird. 

But even if it was just in spirit, he felt you there. He knew that it was the home you had chosen for them.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Deep Cover Partial Analysis

Updated Murder Theory, "Lucky" & Kotoko's Relationship, T2 Verdict

Hello there, members of the jury! Deep Cover, huh? There's a decent bit to talk about in this MV, more than I really want to cover in just this post. So to put down my initial thoughts somewhere, I'm writing this! An update on my old theory from HARROW, my thoughts on Kotoko's relationship with the girl with the "Lucky" hat (which I'll just call Lucky for convenience), and my verdict for Trial 2!

CW Violent murder and blood, vigilantism, child kidnapping

Me trying to figure out what's going on in this video

Updated Murder Theory

What IS Kotoko's murder?

In the aftermath of the video, there have been a few different ideas about why exactly Kotoko ended up in Milgram, what her “Milgram murder” actually is. And while there are certainly many very interesting ideas going around, and I always love seeing different interpretations of what these videos show, I feel a lot of them are overcomplicating things.

This is Kotoko's killshot from Undercover. This is the most concrete confirmation we have of why Kotoko is in Milgram. Kotoko's murder involves her kicking someone to death. And given how much focus is put on her killing the white hoodie guy, both in HARROW and in Deep Cover, I feel the simplest explanation is that Kotoko's "Milgram murder" is the murder of the white hoodie guy.

That last point is important btw. The white hoodie guy death is the only one that actually is referenced in both HARROW and Deep Cover. Every MV to date has at least included an allusion to the murder, even if really abstract like Magic and Tear Drop. If Kotoko's "Milgram murder" involves Oshii, then Deep Cover is the only MV not to reference the murder. If her "Milgram murder" involves Lucky, the HARROW is the only MV not to reference the murder. This is inconsistent with all other MVs, which would be strange. You get what I'm saying?

Plus, let’s not forget what Kotoko says in TASK.

[TASK]

Kotoko: I did kill someone

Someone, singular. Unless there’s some ambiguity that’s lost on translation, Kotoko only killed one person, and her Milgram murder is kicking someone to death. She killed the white hoodie guy by kicking him, so he’s sorta the only option as to who her Milgram murder is.

And yes, Kotoko could have lied in her MV, but she has no reason to. She also says this:

[TASK]

Kotoko: After all, Es, you can access my heart, right? Through songs and videos..

Es: That is correct.

Kotoko: Then there's no problem. People who understand will automatically do so

So Kotoko believes the videos will reveal her murder, meaning she’d likely get caught in a lie once the extraction process began. Given she’s trying to team up with Es in TASK, being seen as a liar by them is counter-productive. In other words, Kotoko shouldn’t be lying here. Unless she somehow forgot another murder, she’s only killed the white hoodie guy.

The reason it's considered an "indirect" murder (if you don't know what that means, uh, don't worry about it) is that under Japanese law, it wasn't judged as actual murder, but rather legitimate defense, as revealed in Deep Cover. Now, I fully believe Kotoko did want to kill the guy and it wasn't entirely defense, but that's the ultimate ruling. Thus, I believe an "indirect" murder in Milgram's eyes is "an act which led to someone's death, but wouldn't be judged as murder in a court of law." Which is the definition I was always working with anyways lol.

All this to say, I don't think Lucky ever died, since as far as I can tell there is no solid evidence for it. It’s a nice theory, I like reading about it, I just don’t subscribe to it.

Now, I do want to be clear. There are still inconsistencies with this being the Milgram murder. The alley in Kotoko’s prisoner card is very strange, and while there are alternatives as to what those images could represent, they’re not very strong. Indeed, the card is very weird.

Additionally, her Trial 2 Voice Trailer distorted line doesn’t fit perfectly either. The lines in that trailer are generally understood to be from before the murder, but Kotoko’s seems to be directed at Lucky, which would place it after the warehouse incident. It could be directed at a different character, but it would have to be someone we’ve never seen before.

That said, no current theory about Kotoko’s murder is perfect. At some point you have to accept some inconsistencies somewhere, and I feel like the white hoodie guy murder being the Milgram murder is the least inconsistent of the answers. Occam’s razor; the simplest explanation, the one which makes the least assumptions, is usually the most accurate.

The Article and New Details

In Deep Cover, Kotoko is seen reading an article about her murder.

I'll leave two translations: Translation 1 and Translation 2. I recommend reading both for a full picture of what the text seems to say.

Now, this article gives us a few more details than we had in HARROW. First, white hoodie guy's name is Kaneshiro Tsugumichi (or Michi for short) and his father's name is Kaneshiro Isamu. Second, we also learn that Kotoko actually faced trial for her murder, but as she vaguely implied in TASK, the case was ruled as "justifiable defense", despite later investigations going against that idea. And of course they did, Kotoko tracked this guy down and went in fully intending to kill him. The ruling is at best a technicality and at worst a complete mistake. Still enough to qualify as "indirect" murder in my eyes though.

Kotoko's testimony of justifiable defense was corroborated by Lucky, although Lucky later retracted her statement. We'll get there.

Finally, the article ends by revealing that the case had become a bit of an internet meme. People claimed there were "multiple murderers" (referring to Michi and Kotoko) and that Kotoko was a hero. Or, rather, a "female university student." Given the wording in the article, I believe it's possible Kotoko's identity was never revealed to the public, as there would be no point in hiding her name if that weren't the case. I don't know enough about Japanese law to know if this makes sense or not, but I feel it's at least a possibility.

The article doesn't add much to what we already knew, but it's nice to get some extra details.

The Shots for the Updated Theory

Given how little this murder is actually referenced in the MV, you'd think there isn't much we can learn here, but there are two moments that I feel can help build on my previous (pretty outdated) theory.

What do we learn from these shots? Well, the main thing is that Lucky was actually in the room when the murder happened. Because while it's true the lighting and Lucky's position are slightly inconsistent, the water in the dark floor combined with Kotoko's kneeling position heavily implies these two shots happen one after the other.

More importantly, though, we actually see the restraints she had in the room she was being kept in in the floor.

This would imply she didn't go there on her own, and wasn't moved by Kotoko, who would have naturally removed the restraints before moving her. That means Michi moved her from the small room to the death room. And this fixes one of the biggest issues with HARROW's depiction of the murder: the switching rooms.

(Yes the shot in Deep Cover is flipped. No I don't know why)

As you can see, the walls are slightly different. And of course, they're way more open than the room the girl was being kept in. My original explanation for why this happens was more complicated than necessary, but now we have a bit more context.

First, the difference in the warehouse walls can just be explained by assuming these are two different sections of the warehouse, or even two warehouses which are connected somehow. This is somewhat consistent with the outside appearance of the warehouse:

You see how there's two buildings that share a wall? If that wall has a door, it would be possible to go from one to the other. And if they have different walls for some reason, it's possible the wall change simply happens because they enter one and end up in the other.

And why did they move? Well, because of the discarded restraints in Deep Cover, we can assume that perhaps Michi attempted to escape from Kotoko with Lucky in tow. He could have stunned Kotoko somehow (hammer maybe?), and ran away to the death room. Here's a diagram!

Pretty simple, right?

The Time Skip Confirmation

This is also a continuation of my previous theory. If you're not aware, Kotoko sees Michi kidnapping Lucky while she's wearing her blue and yellow hoodie, but attacks with her red hoodie.

I believed this, among other things, implied there was actually a period of time between when Kotoko spots the kidnapping and when she actually steps in. And the shot of Lucky on the floor corroborates this, as she's already bruised as if she had spent a decent amount of time under Michi's grasp.

As to why Kotoko didn't step in immediately, while I originally believed she was disheartened in some way, I now think it may have more to do with trying to hide her identity as she did when she attacked Oshii. Men's sneakers, red hoodie, etc. Except this time there was a witness, and since she apparently forgot her face covering at home, she couldn’t avoid being recognized and had to go to court. Perhaps that's why she seems so distressed when Lucky hugs her? She didn't want the attention, she didn't want to be recognized, because it would mean having to deal with the law.

Anyways, what does this mean? Well, not much, really. But it’s important because it means Kotoko wasn’t prepared to see a kidnapping that day, which in my eyes throws out some theories I’ve seen around about her possibly setting up Lucky as bait for Michi. If she had done that, surely she would have already been wearing the correct outfit, wouldn’t she?

And speaking of Lucky…

On Kotoko and Lucky's Relationship

This has almost become the main point of discussion around the MV, so I feel compelled to talk about it. Here’s what we know:

-Lucky originally testified to corroborate Kotoko’s testimony in court, but later, apparently while speaking to Isamu, retracted it. We don’t know what, if anything, Kotoko told her after the murder, but we can assume Kotoko lied to her the same way she lied to everyone else; “killing Michi was the only way to stop him, it was legitimate defense.” We also don’t know why she retracted her statement, but I’ll get to it in a moment.

By the way, Isamu claims Lucky may have been threatened, but I just don’t believe him. Lucky doesn’t seem scared of Kotoko until the very end (after the retraction), and Isamu has been involved in cover-ups of his son’s crimes before, as implied in HARROW. It’s in his best interest to defend his family name if he can cast doubt on Lucky’s testimony (more on this later).

-After the retraction of the statement, Kotoko is sitting on a park bench reading an article about it when Lucky comes up to her to show her the matching hat. Kotoko distractedly pats her head, but mostly ignores her in favor of the article. We don’t know if this meeting was arranged, or if Lucky just stumbled into Kotoko randomly and wanted to show off her cool hat. I’m leaning on the latter, personally. We also don’t know if they interacted further, or if Lucky just left immediately after. There’s no way to tell.

-After the park scene (note that Lucky already has the hat on her head, unlike when she first shows it off), Lucky waits outside a book store, mimicking Kotoko’s wall lean from HARROW. Lucky sees Kotoko and walks up to her, but becomes horrified when she sees the look in Kotoko’s eyes. Kotoko is wearing her murder outfit, and looks very angry. She ignores Lucky for the most part, only giving her a spare glance as she walks past. This means the meeting was not arranged, as Kotoko clearly wasn’t in the mood for it.

We don’t know why Lucky was waiting in front of the book store (was she waiting for Kotoko? did she know where Kotoko would be? Or was she waiting for something/someone else and just happened to recognize Kotoko walking by?). We don’t know if they met in more occasions, or if we’re shown the full extent of their interactions after meeting in court (did Lucky start mimicking Kotoko after hanging out a lot? or did she pick up the habit almost instantly, having seen Kotoko do the wall lean after the murder/during court procedure?).

I repeat that we don’t know much because, well, that’s the main problem here. We just don’t know, and we can’t know based just on the events of Deep Cover what their deal is. The only info we definitely have is:

-Lucky likes Kotoko, even after retracting her statement, though she’s scared of her meaner side.

-Kotoko appears dismissive of Lucky, at least from what we saw.

And that’s it! The only way we can further try to infer what their relationship is like is by looking at Kotoko’s character and speculating on what she would act like around this child. Thankfully, Kotoko’s actions are very straightforwardly informed by her overly simplistic worldview.

According to Kotoko, there are essentially three types of people. The Evil People who oppress and hurt those weaker than them:

(T1) Q20: What do you think is evil?

K: Oppressing innocent weaklings.

The Hero who will protect the Weaklings by destroying the Evil People:

[Deep Cover]

Come on, rely on me, go on

I became your fangs

As the long-awaited hero I engraved the answer

Tell me why you tell me, “Stop”

Don’t you dare stop now

I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it

Give me the next target

(I hate mobile formatting I hate mobile formatting I hate-)

And the Weaklings, who need to stay out of the way.

[Trial 2 Voice Trailer]

Kotoko: From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

Weaklings shouldn’t meddle with the actions of the Hero, because the Hero knows best. If a decision or course of action is too difficult for a Weakling, they have to sit back and let the Hero choose for them.

[YONAH]

Kotoko: Weak... You're too weak. With that fragile body of yours, you can't stop anyone. You can't protect anyone. You can't even do your justice. All imperfect.

[…]

K: You're unable to do it yourself, that's why you need me. The fangs to do your will.

This fits with Kotoko, the Hero, being so dismissive towards Lucky, a Weakling. She probably wouldn’t want someone like Lucky to mimick her, because Lucky is Weak and should just rely on Kotoko for protection. It’s what gives Kotoko’s life meaning, after all.

[Deep Cover]

I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it

Give me the next target

This is what makes me believe that Kotoko and Lucky may have never really hung out outside of what we’re shown in Deep Cover. Because simply put, there’s no reason for Kotoko to be hanging out with her after the court case. Even back then, the only thing Kotoko had to tell her was that her murder was legitimate defense, which again is just what she was telling everyone else. Kotoko most likely had no reason to believe Lucky would retract her statement, and she doesn’t seem interested in hanging out with her for any other reason.

To be clear, I do think Kotoko cares about Lucky to some extent. She did show up in the magic subconscious video, after all. Kotoko is most likely glad to see Lucky happy, at least. I’m just saying that I don’t think their relationship really extended beyond “it’s nice to bump into each other in the street occasionally.” Of course, that’s only my interpretation, it’s perfectly fine if you interpret it in some other way.

Temporary CW Grooming

No, I don’t think Kotoko groomed Lucky. Unless you count lying to her about how legitimate the defense was, which again is more of a lie Kotoko told everyone than anything Lucky specific. I can definitely see the angle, the few scenes we have are pretty damn sketchy if you look at them a certain way, but I don’t think we have to assume the worst. Again, there is no reason for Kotoko to even groom her in the first place. She wouldn’t want Lucky to follow in her footsteps; she has no reason to be worried about the testimony, at least up until the retraction; and there’s not many other reasons she would have to do it. And Kotoko is decently pragmatic, she doesn’t usually bother doing things she doesn’t need.

To be clear, I absolutely believe Kotoko would have groomed Lucky, if it had been convenient for her. She does it to Es in YONAH, the lines I already used.

[YONAH]

Kotoko: Weak... You're too weak. With that fragile body of yours, you can't stop anyone. You can't protect anyone. You can't even do your justice. All imperfect.

[…]

K: You're unable to do it yourself, that's why you need me. The fangs to do your will.

That’s grooming. That’s what’s happening there. I’m not trying to defend this or even Kotoko, she absolutely is a groomer and this is Very Horrible. This deserves discussion, but it’s not what this post is about.

However, in YONAH, Kotoko has a reason to be doing it. She needs Es to hand out the Guilty judgements she wants. That doesn’t make it better, it just makes it in line with her character. She has no reason to manipulate Lucky, and again, she’s always shown to be dismissive of her.

Again, I do see where the concern comes from, and I wouldn’t be 100% surprised if it turned out to be true. I just don’t like to jump to conclusions on this sort of thing on principle, not when we have so little context for what we’re seeing, and especially not when it’s somewhat contradictory to Kotoko’s character and the central themes of her story.

Temporary CW Over

The Withdrawal of the Statement

This is one of the weirdest details of the MV, so I feel I should address it before signing off. Here’s what we know:

-Lucky testified in court that she was saved by “a female university student” according to the article (read: saved by Kotoko), and corroborated Kotoko’s testimony. Which was likely: she was being kidnapped (true), Kotoko caught the kidnapper red-handed (basically true, Lucky was tied up and on the floor with Michi beside her), Kotoko and Michi got into a fight over it (true), and Kotoko had to kill Michi to stop him (debatable, but Lucky likely believed it true).

-After the trial, Kaneshiro Isamu, the CEO of a big newspaper company, launches a private investigation that concludes Kotoko used excessive force.

-After that, it’s mentioned Isamu claims that Lucky retracted her statement.

-Isamu also claims some other stuff, trying to muddy up whether or not his son really was a kidnapper or not, but being The Guy That Covered Up a Bunch of Child Murders, I’m not inclined to believe him.

When I lay it all out like this, it seems like there’s a pretty simple explanation for what happened here. There is only one part of Lucky’s statement that could have needed retracting, the “legitimate defense” part, and that’s exactly what Isamu’s investigation contradicted. Given it’s Isamu, a newspaper company CEO of all things, the one who reveals the withdrawal, it’s assumed Lucky retracted it in his presence or in the presence of someone working for him. Meaning they could have told Lucky there was evidence of excessive force.

With that in mind, I believe it’s possible Lucky was told Kotoko may have used excessive force, and decided just in case to go back on the whole “legitimate defense” thing. Which of course Isamu spins into “she retracted the entire statement” because that’s what’s most convenient for him, who is likely trying to protect the family name from accusations of kidnapping.

I feel this is the most straightforward answer as to what could have happened. It’s consistent with Lucky still wanting to hang out with Kotoko and getting matching hats, it fits with her being scared of Kotoko later as she fully realizes Isamu and his people may have had a point, it fits Isamu’s known behavior, and it fits the context of the article.

It could even vaguely fit Lucky’s design choices. You know how her outfit looks like a prisoner’s outfit? Well, she sure is trapped in a weird situation between the kidnapping, Kotoko lying, Isamu trying to get her to retract the statement… I don’t know if this makes sense or not but I’m saying it anyways!

Is it the only possibility? Hell no. We have way too little context about the withdrawal to say anything definitive, so I’m perfectly open to hearing different reasons for why it could have happened. At the moment, though, I believe this to be one of the more solid possibilities.

This idea could also indicate who Kotoko wants to kill at the end, given she is wearing her murder outfit and all. She could take this as Isamu and his people manipulating a “weakling”, and we know she doesn’t take kindly to that kind of thing. That’s complete speculation, though, so don’t take it very seriously. I still think she only killed one person anyways, because of the whole “killed someone (singular)” thing.

Verdict

With all of it laid out, what am I voting her this Trial?

To what I imagine is no one’s surprise, Guilty.

I know this post has been kinder to her than a lot of other posts going around, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the awful things Kotoko has done, and would continue to do if Forgiven this Trial. Already, she is stuck in a cycle of violence where the only way she can find fulfillment is by attacking those she considers worthy of punishment, a problem she’s had since Trial 1. While I don’t think regret is necessary for forgiveness (I’m the “Local Amane Momose Apologist” for a reason), it is important for forgiveness that I can believe they won’t continue to do the same bad thing in the future, which is not the case with Kotoko. At least from what we know, it seems she would absolutely kill someone else if fully Forgiven.

And that’s without the very obvious meta aspect. There are quite a few prisoners who could be in real danger if she’s Forgiven. The most obvious ones being Muu and Haruka (even if Haruka does have other stuff to worry about too), but Amane and Mikoto could also be targets because Kotoko didn’t manage to get to them in Trial 1. Oh, and Es. She would probably try manipulating them further if she sees them as an ally, which is what a Forgiven verdict would cause.

Mind you, an Unforgiven verdict isn’t perfect, either. She will certainly become antagonistic towards Es if she’s Unforgiven, so I doubt she’d actually listen to the verdict. She’ll likely close herself off and become isolated, which is the worst thing that can happen to someone with a mindset like hers.

Hell, it’s not even perfect for prison safety purposes. A restrained Kotoko is still probably stronger than a restrained Muu, a restrained Haruka and even an unrestrained Amane. Just, hopefully not strong enough to cause serious damage.

More pressingly, though, Kotoko herself is a massive target, given she’s antagonized basically the entire prison. Fuuta has a vendetta and a strong sense of justice, and while I’d hope he’s learnt the lesson that he shouldn’t take justice into his own hands, Amane’s religion (which is clearly starting to influence him) also places a lot of value on punishing those who go against destiny, so. Then there’s the fact Kotoko’s clearly shown herself as a threat to Mikoto, and while violence landed them into the Milgram mess in the first place, John might decide Kotoko’s dangerous enough to warrant becoming a “savior” again.

And God forbid she does get hurt and Shidou doesn’t have enough time or resources to treat all the injured people around. Because Mr “someone’s value cannot be the same as another” Kirisaki is not going to help Kotoko at anyone else’s expense.

But ultimately, we have to pick the lesser of two evils. From a meta sense, I’m more worried about what Kotoko could do to Muu/Amane than what Fuuta/John/whoever else could do to Kotoko. More importantly, from a mindset sense, I’m more worried about enabling and encouraging her current behavior (which at this point would be practically irreversible, given there’s only one Trial left) than antagonizing her and causing her to isolate. Both are bad, but one of them has a chance of getting the personification of the death penalty (death penalty without trial, no less) to change her ways.

See, what I’m hoping is that (depending of what happens from this point on) we can try to make amends and Forgive on Trial 3, with the hope she understands we believe she’s in the wrong, but that we won’t abandon her and she deserves a chance to better herself. That compassion could be enough for her to start working towards improvement… maybe.

I’m definitely being way too optimistic, but when we’re working with The Worst System in History, all that’s left is to try our best and hope things turn out alright, even when we lack good tools to try and make that happen.

I sincerely hope she can break the toxic mindset she’s stuck in and gets to a place where I can vote her Forgiven in Trial 3, but as of right now, a Trial 2 Forgiven is just not on the table for me. Sorry Kotoko, I do feel kinda bad for you still, Milgram’s punishment for the Unforgiven is awful :(

Conclusion

That’s it for now! I’ll maybe make some other posts discussing other stuff in this MV, since there’s surprisingly quite a bit in it, but for now I’ve said what I needed to say. Take care!

[senilthesynth]

RIP Cohost

Cohost is shutting down the end of the year. While I'm kinda sad because it was a good experiment to see if non-federated social media could be viable that doesn't rely on selling data or anything, I think Anti-Software Software Club just made too many assumptions that didn't or couldn't pan out. Including just... not understanding what they wanted in the end.

(Read more because this was originally a Bluesky post and got long)

Number 1 mostly being them being "blindsided" by Stripe clarifying their policy that, in the end, means ASSC couldn't use them as a way for users to tip each other or the Artists Alley section and such. That policy existed for years, well before Cohost ever existed. For context, ASSC originally wanted to build a Patreon competitor, not a social media site. They would have failed so hard if they stuck to a Patreon competitor on this alone.

And in my opinion, number 2 is their pay. They were paying themselves very well-off all things considered, and everyone was paid the exact same amount (~94k last I heard). That's… a lot of money going towards pay that could've gone to hosting costs. They're a startup. You pay yourselves what you can. I appreciate that they paid themselves well, but again. Startup. You pay what you can, and they were nowhere close to breaking even at any point.

I think their financial model didn't do themselves any favors - they started out with "we got a lot of loan money to do this and now we have to make it profitable" which, yeah, sometimes that's what it takes. But that's venture capitalism. Especially since Cohost's source code WAS the collateral! They acted as a leftist group trying to market themselves as a non-profit/not-for-profit (they're a LLC, they're legally not forced to do either), paying themselves well more than they realistically, and hoped they could get enough people to subscribe monthly to break even.

That… doesn't work.

Not to say this would've fixed things, but I think them registering as an LLC didn't help. That prevented them from bringing on anything resembling a volunteer, and since their whole thing was "everyone gets paid the same" it meant they had to operate with very few people. If I recall correctly, they had one moderator. Maybe two. Maybe. Two developers, an artist, and a moderator. Four people. MAYBE five, I forget the exact number.

This is entering hypothetical territory so everything is unknown and is me guessing a lot of things, but is based on what I do know.

Being a non-profit comes with its own set of problems, but if they could become and maintain a 501(c)3 non-profit, they could pay themselves what they could and have people willing to help volunteer moderate. They could never get code contributors, though, since their source code was their collateral it by nature had to be closed off. Also, donations (recurring or one-off) are tax-deductible for US-members, so while it's not a HUGE benefit it offers at least that small bonus.

I'm glad that they tried, and got as far as they did (even if it meant loan after loan to not die instantly). It showed that it could be possible - that there's hope in this idea. It's just a question of HOW to make it a sustainable reality. I don't think there's a clear answer there, though. Like my non-profit idea hinges heavily on maintaining 501(c)3 status (or similar) and being able to bring on volunteers as-needed. Using a public spec for the back-end (like ActivityPub or ATProto) so the focus can be on implementing it (even if federation is never a thing) instead of doing it raw - which avoids the back-end development time but then means having to work with an existing spec that may or may not change substantially over time.

IDK. I have no idea what would make a medium-form social media such as Cohost viable. Maybe it's the same idea but with lower pay so it's easier to bring new people on as-needed, with the expectation that this is a passion project 'til it gets off the ground. Maybe it takes the "use a public spec for back-end" approach and focuses on the implementation of it with their own additions and flair. ActivityPub is one spec, but you have Mastodon, Pixelfed, Misskey, Wafrn, etc. that all go in different directions. ATProto will likely be the same one day - Bluesky being the obvious "reference" implementation right now.

Maybe it's something else entirely that I could never ever think of. I don't know, but all I do know is that I'm glad they tried. Unfortunately, the writing has been on the wall for months now and honestly? If you didn't expect that, that's on you. People have been saying that Cohost wasn't sustainable for months.

[traumxrei-archive]

[ breaking news: user traumxrei is alive ?? ]

hello, i'm back after a very lengthy hiatus ^^ i hope that everyone's been doing well this summer (don't forget to drink lots of water)

ok so i was supposed to come back after exams but everything snowballed and i kept delaying my return to tumblr, so i'll give you the condensed life update:

i got sick before n during exams bc that's my luck ig

moved houses *insert sparkle emoji*

flew to my home country for the summer to spend time with family

i recently got my grades back (academic validation has been achieved haha)

i got approval that i'm gonna be transferring universities in a different country

and finally. i just flew back from my home country today.

all in all, quite the eventful past few months and months to come whew.

i don't know if i can go back to regularly posting like i did before, but i do still love twisted wonderland very much, so i wanted to return to share my excitement over the game, even if i'm not posting writing as regularly

in terms of writing, i think the leonayuu fans will be excited to know that i've finished the last chapter of baby it's cold outside >:D currently editing it, and writing the 'epilogue: omake', so it should be out in a couple of days ^^ thank you guys for being patient with the wait, here's the taglist if you wanna be tagged when it comes out OR subscribe to the ao3 version if you prefer that

n e ways, i think i've talked for enough— i gotta say it's good to be back and thank you for reading this far :D

[actually-correct-drawfee]

I used to watch drawfee all the time but I ended up stopping for a few years (life stuff happened and I kinda forgot about them? Idk), I started watching again but now I feel like I have so much to catch up on and there's so many memes/jokes I don't know. Is there a sort of "best of" list I could find to help me catch up again? :')

I don't have one on hand, but I'm sure me and the others following can help catch you up! And its super valid to just forget, haha! Ive done that with several youtubers now that I have to catch up with!

I don't know how far back you started or stopped, but I'll list some common reoccuring jokes I can think off of the top of my head! I'll try not to spoil them too much so if you want to watch the videos yourself, you can!

Jacob's Yogurt obsession/ Yogi boy: Jacob was spoonfed a ton of yogurt at an event while wearing ~100 t-shirts. The original video can be found here, and another lore bit can be found here around 17:30

Todd from Mario: Karina misread a suggestion for 'Toad from Mario' on stream once, and mistakenly read 'Todd from Mario'. He became a sort of deity in Drawfee, but when they tried to make merch of him, Nintendo sent a DMCA.

Sonic Butthole Saga: Karina drew Sonic naked and ass up on a bed after a shower during a Random Shape episode. It's now a running thing where if it's a Random Shape challenge or anything similar, she'll continue the saga. There's currently 5 panels, which include Y/N, Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Jacob Horse: Jacob, for the life of him, can't draw a damn horse.

Julia can't do Pokemon: Julia has little to no experience with Pokemon whatsoever, which gives us things like Spheal and Shuckle, as well as Back Sprites and Vibe-emon

Karina and Yu-Gi-Oh: Damn does she like Yu-Gi-Oh. Includes favorites like "Is it a Yu-Gi-Oh episode we're doing?", Karina's episode of Yu-Gi-Oh flavor text, and her technically not Drawfee Kaiba-Defence-Hour

Bone Game: Series where they draw animals based on their skulls. Found here, here, and a reverse

Cats 2019: We can't make it a month without a Cats reference.

I'm sure there's others that folks can comment, but for now, some honorable mentions of some fan favorite episodes:

The April Fool's video that lost them 300 subscribers and had me actually crying from laughter

Is the nose... big?

If anyone asks, I did this.

Do you know what a rectangle is? Artists Draw Perfectly Normal Cats

Shod toes contitty and I'm not afraid to say it! Mixed emotions ep

The Tarot Ep is a CLASSIC

I'd also recommend checking out @deepblueink2d 's YouTube under DeepBlueInk! They do some (incredible) Drawfee animations of some of the best bits and jokes! Also, the •classic• tag has a list of some really popular quotes and the video name underneath! I'm sure others will add on too! Welcome back freak (affectionate)

[words-are-fireproof]

In The Night Comes a Phone Call - Javier Peña x fem!reader

(*gif via @tomshiddles)

Summary: You knew you'd bruise his soul soon enough. You just didn't know how quickly it would happen. Turns out, it happened far quicker than you expected it to.

Rating: M, this time thanks to cursing and brief descriptions of sex.

Word Count: 2.0k

A/N: Here it is! The sequel to Souls Heal Less Readily! Rejoice! Woohoo! Endings still aren't the best thing in the world for me to write, nor are fights, honestly, but here you go. I'm really quite proud of this one! I hope you guys like it.

As always, make sure to subscribe to @fireproof-library because I don't do tag lists. Because I have a goldfish brain.

[Masterlist] || [Part One] || [Part Three]

-----

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep. It could’ve been around midnight. It could’ve been around three. You weren’t paying attention to the time.

The only thing you were paying attention to was the way Javier moved inside of you and over you.

The skin of his hips slapping against the curve of your bum. His arm banded around your stomach, hand moving furiously between your legs.

You’d lost count of the number of orgasms by the time he finally came and relaxed into your back, his forehead pressed between your shoulder blades, breath heavy against your sweat sheened skin. Time had no meaning to you and you found yourself glad about that. If you’d lost track of time, maybe he had too. Maybe he’d pushed aside the guilt and horrors of that night. Maybe he could forget, if only for a little while.

You resisted the urge to ask him, just like you said you would. And you’d keep that promise, until the day he decided to tell you.

…Or you could read about it in an incident report. Or maybe, just maybe–most likely–whatever had happened would be on the news. Colombia had a way of reporting fact and fiction, biased and unbiased news. The corruption Escobar brought along with him permeated up to the highest echelons of government, save for the President, but even you didn’t like the way he seemed to cow to Escober while also sending the Search Bloc and the DEA on a manhunt to find him. But that was a gripe for another time. It wouldn’t do well to start airing grievances when Javier had finally, finally seemed to relax. His body, cocooned deftly and snuggly around you, finally felt loose, his breathing evened out until the softness of his breaths signaled to you that he was asleep.

You stayed up for far longer than you should’ve, considering you had things to do the next day. The light pops of gunshots sounded in the distance, just like when you’d sat together on the sofa, your arms wrapped around him, trying to comfort him from the trauma that had shaken him so bad he was a husk of who you knew him to be. You tried to ignore the pain in his big brown eyes but you know you didn’t do it well. That’s why you imagine he took you from behind that night. He didn’t want to see the pity laced in your big doe eyes. You didn’t exactly blame him. If he took pity on you, you wouldn’t want to stare it in the face while you tried to do everything in your power to ignore things.

When you finally fell asleep, you dreamed of those big brown eyes. They begged you to save him, peering up at you from the dirty ground in a raid gone wrong. Even in the dream, the situation felt odd, artificial. Alarm bells screaming in your head like sirens from the Search Bloc’s vehicles. You blinked and those big brown eyes turned coal black, the life gone from them, his chest covered in blood and riddled with bullet holes. Escobar’s face peered at you through a car window, his gaping maw wide opened and dripping with tar. A demon. A monstruo. Devouring blood and souls. The streets burned and smelled of sulfur in his wake, painted crimson and tasting of iron as the wails of now childless mothers pierced the air.

You woke with a gasp, the shrill ringing of your telephone quickly and mercifully pulling you from the nightmare. Javier hadn’t stirred and you felt thankful as you gingerly slid from his arms, hoping he didn’t wake with your movement. If the phone was ringing this early in the morning, it could only be one person and you didn’t want Javier knowing who that person was.

The phone continued to ring as you looked back over your shoulder at the sleeping DEA agent in your bed. You could still hear his soft snores which meant you hadn’t woken him. You let out a relieved breath and padded into the living room. The phone stopped ringing, but seconds later, it started up again.

You answered in a sharp whisper suspecting who exactly was on the other line.

“We need you back in the office,” Bill Stechner’s voice slid slimy through the headset.

You look down the hall with apprehension.

“Can’t it wait,” you hiss.

“Why? You don’t have a man with you, do you?”

Your eyes narrow. “And if I do?”

“Informant?”

“None of your business,” you snap.

But he doesn’t listen to you. Of course he doesn’t. You’ve worked with the man for five years both directly and indirectly. You know him better than he thinks you do. It’s a power. It’s also a curse.

“What did he give you?”

You sigh, your voice still a sharp whisper as you speak, praying to a God you know doesn’t exist that Javier will just stay asleep. “Something went down tonight. Escobar’s child spotters. I’m sure the news will eat it up, whatever it is.”

The line went ominously quiet. “Carillo, the son of a bitch.”

Your heart pounded in your ears. Maybe your nightmares hadn’t been too far off. The thought chilled you to your core. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, pain pluming sharply under your sternum and radiating out into your ribcage. Your gaze focuses down the hall again.

“What do you know?”

Stechner’s voice sounded exhausted when he spoke again. “There’s about to be a shit storm, agent. You better not be stuck in the middle.”

You turned your back on the hallway, pinching the bridge of your nose in the hopes of warding off the impending headache you felt beginning to throb at the base of your skull and down your neck. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the other aches beginning to twinge in your muscles.

“It’s a bit too late for that, Stechner,” you uttered through a long suffering sigh.

The truth was, he’d put you in the damn middle when you stuck you in that brothel, but it wasn’t like you didn’t ask for it. You wanted to be there in Medellin. You wanted a piece of the action. You’d packed up your tiny little New York apartment and left the New York field office for Colombia as soon as the position opened up. Now you are beginning to regret it.

“Stechner?” You heard Javier’s sleep honeyed voice behind you.

Fuck.

“I’ll have to call you back,” you utter into the phone. You don’t even give Stechner the time to answer and if he had, you wouldn’t have listened to him.

Every curse under that you knew in both English and Spanish ripped through your mind as Javier stood there, those big brown eyes trained dangerously on you. You expected this day was coming, you just didn’t expect it to come so soon. The intense feeling of dread spread through your body, sliding down your limbs and making them feel heavy and immovable.

“Javi–”

“Who the fuck are you?”

He wasted no time, did he? You swallow thickly and take a step toward him. He quickly steps back evading your touch. A sharp pang of sadness shoots through you. You try not to think about it, but you can’t help it. He drowns in you and your body so readily, and now you feel the shift between you, the wall flying up between the two of you. That wall didn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it made everything hurt more, that pain that’d started underneath your sternum and radiated through your chest cavity finally settled sharply in the pit of your stomach. You felt the remnants of your lunch lurching in your throat. You swallowed it down.

“Javi–”

“No. You don’t get to call me that. Who the fuck are you?”

You shake your head, echoing all too familiar words from the night before. “You don’t want to know, mi vida."

The endearment slipped from your lips before you could stop it. You both wince, but you’re sure he winces even more.

“You work for Stechner, is that it? What are you, his spy?”

You shake your head but it’s a lie. You resign yourself to the inevitable. You knew you would destroy him in the end, the consequences of your actions culminated in a bruised soul and a man destroyed in ways you knew you’d never be able to fix.

“Yes,” you couldn’t lie to him, not after having lied for too long. That cat was out of the bag and she wasn’t about to try to put it back in. “If it makes you feel any better,” you begin again, quietly, “He told me to stay away from you.”

“No, that doesn’t make me feel any better."

Another wince shudders through her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t– I didn’t know how to tell you. I couldn’t tell you.”

“No, you were just going to let me find out the hard way.”

“Javier, I didn’t have a choice. I started this job a long time ago. Just like you. We made our choices.”

“But you could have told me.” You’re surprised when he sounds hurt as opposed to angry.

You take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of your nose. This could be worse. You’d rather he be angry. You’d rather he yell at you. You’d rather he rant and rave and tell you what he really thinks about you. But you know that isn’t really who he is. Not when it comes to personal relationships. You know he’s gotten angry with contacts. You know it’s not out of the realm of possibility, but this…this feels different and you hate every moment of it.

“How? How could I tell you?”

He just shakes his head, his body still save for the soft heaves of his chest as he breathes.

“I don’t know. You just should’ve told me.”

“If I told you, would you have done anything different? Would it have made a difference? You’d still have fucked me over.”

“I’m just doing my job. Same as you. You can’t have thought any of this meant anything. You’re lying to yourself if you did.”

His eyes narrow, turning cold and hard. There’s the Javi you’ve heard about. There’s the harshness that bleeds into every single part of him. Your superiors are more familiar with this Javier. It’s why Stechner had told you to stay away from him. It’s why you’d ignored him the first time he’d visited the brothel. It’s why when the girls had seen him, you let them go first because you knew… you knew he’d be trouble.

Turns out, you were the one who was trouble. It hit you like a freight train. You took a deep breath to steady your pounding heart.

“Fuck you.”

“You already have,” you spit viciously, instantly regretting when it all falls from your lips.

“Obviously a mistake.” He growls, turning to grab his jacket, knocking over the precarious coat rack.

“You didn’t regret it for a moment, and you know it,” you say as you follow him, egging him on.

He spins to face you and you stop just in time before you crash into him. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t do. You don’t know me well enough for that.”

“I know you more than you know yourself.”

The second fuck you easily fell from his lips and you growled in annoyance, echoed only by him as he stalked through your house to the door.

“Stay the hell out of my way,” he snaps before he leaves, slamming the door behind him.

“With pleasure,” you mutter even though he’s already gone.

The only problem was–you didn’t want to stay away from him, and you had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t want to stay away from you either. You sigh and flop down onto the sofa, raking your hands through your hair. You have a feeling you’ll never get over him, and damn him all to hell for that.

Damn him.

[ekiveki]

Tmnt 2012 Mikey fanfic recommendations!!!!!!

All the things I couldn't hear by LexyWrittes

It only has one chapter so far but I LOVE the concept it's going so far!

Rn it only has one short chapter so if you think you would like the story based on the main topic you might wanna subscribe to the author and wait for more updates!

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS(and it's killing me) by Writing_In_Denial

Call me a pussy but this is a fanfic I've cried the most on (especially chapter 7) and I love it!

It's super duper angsty and be careful to not forget to read the tags

This fanfic is also getting fast updates, so I highly recommend reading it!!!

The Missing Brother by animefan419, HexLynxJynx

Umm, so there is a lil '12 bashing but I saw worse

Overall I think the concept is nice and interesting!

How to deal with grief by ItzZaira

THIS FANFIC IS SO FRICKING GOOD

I RECOMMEND IT TO EVERYONE THAT LIKES MIKEY FANFICS!!!

Or I just like farmhouse arc^^

Anyway, this one shot is just amazing!

I don't wanna give away to many spoilers so it's more enjoyable 4 u to read!!!

READ IT NOW >:(

Feral by Venus TheMarvelTurtle

This is not mikey-centric, it's all-centric and it's told in April's pov but it's just so good so I had to somehow include it

(Sorry not sorry :P )

It's an old fanfic and I think the story is very cool and creepy

It's a psychological horror and I think it's very original and well done

Also, don't forget to read the tags for warnings!

(Might be disturbing to some)

There is much more fanfics but I'll just post this for now

Sorry that is short :(

Also plz tell me if you want any other specific character fanfic recommendations

I will gladly do it!

But I'm just doing 2012 mikey rn because that's mainly what I read lol

Stay safe, luv ya!

[sonosvegliato]

you always rb fic recs but what’s YOUR favorite fic? one that you will reread forever?

*sweats* I know you just said one but I've been meaning to do this for ages, to contribute to the greater good of this fandom, but the problem is I go so far down the bookmark/history rabbit hole I get sucked in all over again. Me and my bookmarks are like a squirrel and its acorns; I save 'em up then forget about them and years later it's like I've been blessed with a flood of good fic food.

been a number and a name by WynterSky and everything else by them. I love this fic. I love this author. I feel lucky just to have stumbled upon any of their work---their 1990s Tim/Kon work lives in my heart and I'll highly suggest it to anyone to give it a shot, even if you're not a fan of ships or TimKon. My bookmark note: CREAMY ORANGE POPSICLE OF FICS TRY TRY TRY

The Power of Family and This Stalker I Found by JackHawksmoor. Bookmark note:

hands in my hair mcfreaking incredible can i learn to write adrenaline scenes like this is there a course where is that course also i need to learn how to bedazzle a sash for this author a sash of wow so everyone knows wow WOW if anyone goes through my bookmarks click this one click this one i promise your circadian will be so messed up but you will like it you will mcfreaking enjoy the blurry word at hour 2 you will drink from the fountain of wow i feel like i'm on a rollercoaster like legit like stomach in my ribcage throw up out of excitement and also fear i've never actually been on a big kid rollercoaster ahHHHHH pacing flipping tables i don't know man I DON'T KNOW this is without words this is beat my fists through the fourth wall fall into the fifth dimension into the white water rapids that's where the fountain of wow comes from

READ THIS FIC

Anything by Vamillepudding. I am not subscribed to many authors, mostly because I'm forgetful, but I did remember to subscribe to them---and whenever I get a little alert my heart goes rahrahrah. Extremely talented writer.

Anything by incogneat_oh. One of the first authors I ever read; I found them over PINTEREST over a screenshotted tumblr post. I had no idea who this Tim character was, but thus my life was changed forever. Story in particular was Just Like You, but I read everything---and they have LOTS. God bless.

Obedience by Sohotthateveryonedied. I read lots from them, but Obedience I read very early into my tumble into Batman and it just sort of floats into my head from time to time, the way some fics do.

The Next Life by spqr. Another one that floats around the brain. Bookmark note: STUPENDOUS

contemplate the beauty of the earth by downwithtyranny. I'm a bit biased on this one, but it's short and sweet and pleasantly different. And written by a very smart person who I know for a fact picks up roadkill off the side of the road and fixes them up nice and pretty for study (if you ever meet a real-life-not-a-medical-doctor-biologist, you're in for a treat). Bookmark note:

Human achievement at its finest 👏 👏👏

s c i e n c e r u l e s

And for the holiday season---only you will have stars that can laugh by silverwhittlingknife. Though I did go through all their works---SUPERB Dick characterization.

[carrie-tate]

OMG you're into good omens?!? I feel like there's a serious lack of tword content for this fandom :(

Do you think Crowley or Aziraphale would be a ler or a lee? or maybe they're both switches? Or maybe they just don't do twords...?

btw I really really like your drawings! You're one of the first people I followed

Yes, I'm VERY into good omens! Even though I'm still not in a position to watch anything, including Season 2 of Good Omens, I still consider myself part of the fandom!

(Like, I'm the kind of person who first read the book and then watched the first season. These things complement each other well in the narrative, by the way!)

And you asked a very interesting question! Where do I start with the thought that most likely neither angels nor demons initially know about such a phenomenon as 'tickle'. Like, I think they don't need the details of the physiology of mankind?

BUT, you and I know that Crowley and Aziraphale are not an ordinary demon and angel, they are gone native and know and understand more about the earthly facts of existence. It seems to me that at a certain moment, back in the time not far from Eden, these two had a dialogue between them:

*tickle happens between people in the background*

Aziraphale: (In my head, he was less aware of the details. Angelic chastity, don't go where they don't ask, etc.) What are they doing?

Crowley: (In my head he was more knowledgeable about the details. Actually for asking too many questions, he's a demon, you know) Oh, it's a tickle... *sees a slight, polite misunderstanding on the face of an angel of God* Er, how can I explain this... It's like another joke from Them, like when the shoulder blade itches, but you can't reach the place... *He sees even more misunderstanding* Okeey, just forget it.

And this topic will really be hushed up for the next two centuries for sure. They will most likely just... literally forget about it, lol

But sooner or later, Crowley will explain to Aziraphale for this phenomenon. And here the question pops up, can they do it? I think yes. Like, despite their supernatural origin, their bodies are quite human-like, so why not? As for what "roles" in tword each of them have... I'll stick with the fact that they're both switches because it's their style not to stick to one side of something, you know?

In general, something like this ^^

Thanks for the question! I'm glad that you like my drawings, and it's also really nice to know that I'm one of the first people you subscribed to, thanks again!

[a-casual-kpopfan]

I have this question for the entire angst genre, but you're my go-to for stories like that, so I figured if there's anyone to ask, it'd be you. Why do you write angsty stories(especially those centered around cheating that aren't necessarily smut)? Not a writer myself, so I'll make a few assumptions here: People write fluff for feel good purposes, people write smut because they're horny(don't blame them), and people write smut with cheating in it sometimes bc that's something that gets them going. But why do you write fics where there is no happy ending and it just leaves you with a sinking feeling in your stomach? Please don't get me wrong, I love reading them, but I have to say that if I ever created any story, something sad would be the last thing on my list, especially when you can create any fantastical, unrealistic, magnificent, perfect world with your imagination. Sorry for rambling, or if any of this doesn't make sense. I was just wondering if there was any specific thing that drove you to write about this topic. Thank you, if you end up giving this the time of day to read(Ik it's a monster but I really just rambled, I'm not great at articulating things I mean succinctly).

Well anon, this is a great ass questions and really you’re the first one to ever ask me about this.

We’ll get ready to go balls deep in why I write.

I like to write my fics with as close to life and as realistic as possible. There’s always going to be fics of a perfect guy or a OC in the perfect situation to get or meet an idol.

Yes idol fics already scream fiction and unrealistic situations but hey, I try?

And why the angst?

The world isn’t a perfect place, far, far from it. Did you know that 7/10 marriages end in divorce? Did you know that in 1/10 births, they will be born autistic or something? I’m not entirely sure if my numbers are 100% accurate but these are facts I learned through my life.

Life doesn’t bring you flowers and rainbows, it doesn’t bring you definitive happiness.

Believe me, I love, love stories and movies but the endings, the feelings, it feels so unrealistic to the point that I don’t believe in real love, just comfortability in another person.

I want my stories to hit hard at home, in you and in my other readers. Where feelings can actually be felt, not to live in bliss and fall that people or in this the characters to live in a happily ever after.

A lot of it comes from personal experience and I want to write about it.

But to be fair, I like making people sad with my fics, it tells me they work. 😂

I’m sure my Ghost partner feels the same as I’m the only who actually got him writing angsts too, but yet he still calls me evil for some my plots. Lol

Well thank you reading my TedTalk, I hope you enjoyed.

Don’t forget to like, subscribe and ring that ding a ling bell for notifications of my postings. 😘

[ereborne]

Bookworm meme 1 20 31 35 🐛

1) Name the best book you've read so far this year: Best new book of 2024 so far would have to be Aftermarket Afterlife by Seanan McGuire. Preventing the 'forgetting about allies' issue I've got as my answer to #35 below could be considered the entire point of the book. It's part of the InCryptid series, which is about a family of cryptid conservationists, and they are a family. Complicated dynamics and intergenerational ties and love and loyalty and all. Incredibly well done. I cried like a baby.

20) Where and how do you find new books to read? Money's been tight so it's been a minute since I sought out books that were truly new to me--not that I haven't been buying books! I would surely perish. I've just mostly been getting ones by authors I trust, often in ongoing serieses, so it's less of a gamble on enjoyment--but when I had more of a risk-taking budget I'd spend ages looking through recommended lists. I'm subscribed to a ton of newsletters and blogs that talk about books, and there tend to be even more recommendations in the comments and replies to those posts. It's lovely to comb through.

31) Do you mostly read through e-reader; reading app on phone; on your laptop; a physical copy; or by audiobook? Phone, laptop, and paper copy! I usually have at least one story (book or fic) open on each device and then a book by my bed. When I was going to campus in person more regularly, there was often also a second paper book in my bag.

35) Least favorite trope in your most favorite book genre: Forgetting about allies. I read a lot of ongoing serieses where characters will accrue friends and allies, often fairly close ones, and then as soon as the immediate need for that character is gone, they vanish. I understand that there's only reasonably room for so many characters in one story, but what I mean is that they vanish. They aren't happily settled on their own journeys, they aren't unavailable for any particular reason, they just don't exist to the main characters anymore. A special hatred in my heart also for next-generation sequels where the parents aren't dead but still aren't going to help.