#don't let me watch a medical drama. EVER.

[raposarealm]

A break from the disastrous Kimochi, because I feel like crap! And what better way to distract myself from feeling sick than to talk about a sick boy!

Not the Yuyoyuppe album, this but this specific scene from Axess I’ve meant to rag on for a while now, from Episode 50.

(A read more for minor spoilers, I guess. And also because this got hella long.)

You might remember this as being right after the final fight versus Dark Blues, and also after the stupidest stunt the egghead pulls all season, which lands him in the hospital. 

First off, I’m going to bitch about this shot for a second:

(Credit to @panningexe​ for these shots, by the way, because I physically cannot bring myself to rewatch Axess.)

(This would be a good time to add in a disclaimer: I’m not a nurse or other medical professional, I’m a pharmacy technician who still doesn’t have her license in this state because I’ve been too busy to take the PTCB test. I did some preliminary research for the stuff beyond the pharmaceutical aspect, but most of that was just ‘stuff I learned from my mother who was an RN 20 years ago’. Take the finer details with a grain of salt, and please correct me where I’m wrong.)

Series never get medical things right, but, shockingly, that IV line is correctly set up. Taping down the extra line isn’t usually done from what I’ve seen, but it’s not wrong. Tangled lines are more of a danger, as long as the taped lines there are still loose enough to not impede the flow rate. But. You want me to believe this is a patient in critical condition, in a hospital in a large city, in the future, and all you have to regulate flow rate is a roller clamp?

But Rapo! you say, clamps can be used along with other regulators! Yes, but, lemme direct you to this other shot from the same scene:

It’s harder to see here, but: there really is just that one roller clamp and the drip chamber built into the line (which doesn’t really regulate drip rate well on its own.) Yeah, those work just fine, but they’re harder to use, and are therefore more prone to human error. Hospitals are already phasing them out, like, in real life. 

There’re two LVP bags (Large Volume Parenteral bags, large amounts of sterile fluid used usually for regulating essential bodily functions,) on the stand there. If I remember the episode correctly, Enzan was out of commission for multiple days following his dumb stunt, but I don’t remember how long he was unconscious. 

Quick rundown of some common LVPs for context: Normal Saline contains sodium chloride (usually 0.9%, but treatment of severe dehydration and NPO/’Nothing By Mouth’ patients often receive 0.45% instead,) is used on nearly everyone who’s admitted to the hospital, since it’s used to help with dehydration, and especially on critical patients and those with blood loss (and is sometimes co-administered with blood products.) Also containing sodium chloride with other compounds are Ringer’s Solution and Hartmann’s Solution (also called Ringer’s Lactate.) Both contain other electrolytes (calcium chloride and potassium chloride are pretty standard, for instance,) but Ringer’s Solution contains sodium bicarbonate in place of sodium lactate (hence “lactated” Ringer’s.) When high sodium is a risk, such as with renal impairment or some chronic conditions, or when a patient’s body is especially acidic, such as suffered with sepsis, then Ringer’s or Hartmann’s may be used in place of saline. (Source because it’s long.) Lastly, Dextrose 50% in water, usually abbreviated to D5W, can be used when the body is malnourished. Note that these might have to be switched around depending on the SVPs (’Small Volume Parenteral,’ or just normal medicine that’s injected or otherwise administered parenterally) given, e.g. nitroglycerin and norepinephrine, medicines used in cardiac emergencies, can’t be used with Hartmann’s. 

Side note over. Anyways, there’s only two bags present on the stand there, and the line’s only attached to one. Sometimes LVPs can be used to keep an IV line open while no medicine is being administered, but. This is, again, an unconscious, critical patient. From the first picture, we can see bandages on both Enzan’s hand and head, which I’ll guess are probably burns from the forced Fusion attempt (he was holding the PET and smacked into Blues head-on.) Burns are one of the worst things to treat, as they’re excruciating for the patient. Plus, there’s a chance that said head-on impact could’ve cause some head injuries. Why isn’t he on pain medication? A conscious patient can take medication orally, but that’s kinda hard to do when someone’s out cold. Burns carry significant risk of infection, too, and IV anti-infectives are often injected into the LVP bag directly, or ‘piggy-backed’ onto the IV line, which requires them to be placed on the stand higher than the LVP so that gravity pulls the piggyback medicine into the main line. I don’t see a connector on that line, but I suppose the medicines could have been injected directly. However, due to the manufacturing of that type of bag, there’d be a stopper on it to keep sterility, which maybe it’s there, but I don’t see it.

Also, can we take a look at the rest of the room? WHY ARE THE MONITORS OFF?!!? The only time you shut those things off are when you take someone off life support. That’s why hospital halls are filled with those annoying ‘bing’s -- those monitors have to be there. You never know when someone who looks stable suddenly become tachycardic. You never know when someone’s IV line fell out and now they’re not getting the medicine they need. You get the point. Not only are those monitors not connected to Enzan there, they’re not even on! For God’s sake, the closest he has to a monitor right there are Anetta and Netto standing next to him! 

As side not that I don’t know how to work into the rant, I’d say I’m surprised he’s not on oxygen, not even the nasal cannula you’d see in every soap opera episode that takes place in a hospital. I had one of those in for a sleep study, for God’s sake. But, since this is a medical device that I wasn’t actually taught about because my class sucked, I’ve now been informed that cannulas aren’t used unless the patient shows explicit difficulty breathing, but doesn’t require intubation (endotracheal tube, AKA tube down the throat,) or mechanical ventilation (partial or complete respirator.)

It’s nearly 1am and I’m done ranting, but TL;DR, if I lived Akihara, I’d have sued this hospital by now.

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

Hello hello again! It's good to have you back for a little while! Unfortunately there is a lot of infighting in the critical sphere right now and it's not very fun to follow. And worse still Lily is as smug as ever. People are too invested in who ripped off what, who's disrespecting this or that, they should just be having fun at Lily's expense. That's what Saiscribbles has done, and you can tell how effective it is because Lily has tried every strategy in the book to prove how not mad she is.

You know what?

I think I would like to poke fun at the whole thing. I mean, it's sounds like she's gotten a bit ridiculous since I've been gone. (Ridiculous sounds like an understatement, thought.)

I've done serious and it's exhausting. You can only take her serious for so long before you realize she doesn't really even know or believe what she's saying.

As for the fighting, well... It's a shame, but let's try to focus on what's at the core of this blog: Gossiping about Lily.

...But I do have one thing I want to get off my chest, so I will mention it here and then move on. It is under the read bar just so those who don't care can ignore it.

I do have one thing to say about the drama, and that's about Ethel.

They are a liar liar pants on fire.

Seriously, I watched Evangeline Skovs video, which was one of the better coverages on the subject and there was no plagiarism. Not even of me, and I was a source!

Never mind that fact that Ethel legit lied about my blog in their rebuttal, claiming that Levi couldn't find anything on my blog about their video, or glade, so Evangeline was lying.

Their proof? Levi used the search bar, used the word minor and glade, and nothing came up except one post...

Fun fact: I'm bad at tagging things, and my search bar is kind of useless because of that.

(Side note: why would I use glade's name? Why would I want to draw attention to someone who I assumed wanted to be left alone? I'm pretty sure that was made clear in the video.)

Anyway, if you used my archive you could easily find TONES of posts from me talking about the video in question with details.

Here's one that Ethel conveniently left out:

And you know what's hilarious about that? They reblogged this take to try and rebuke it on their tumblr. (That they have long since abandoned.)

I decided to ignore it, because obviously I'm not going to try and get in a fight with them, and Ethel was so mad by that they messaged me directly to try and threaten me with legal jargon.

So I blocked them.

But hey, since I'll probably never bother with this again, here are the messages. Enjoy old drama from like...2 years ago:

Image text here:

[Okay, I've put this off for as long as possible, but please, read this case study as right now you are parroting harmful legal advice. Victim testimony not only constitutes evidence, but can be sufficient evidence to convict, a fact that was tested in Commonwealth v Gustavo Gonzalez Santos in Massachusetts.

I’ll highlight two relevant sections in case you don’t have the time to read the entire thing: “The defendant's sole argument on appeal is that the evidence was not sufficient to support his convictions. The defendant asserts that "there were no witnesses to the alleged assaults," "no physical evidence," "no medical or forensic evidence," and "no expert testimony." He argues that "there was absolutely no conclusive evidence presented at trial that suggested the [d]efendant's guilt beyond a reasonable doubt."” And: “Here, the victim testified to facts that constituted each element of the charged offenses. Her testimony, which the jury found to be credible, was sufficient, standing alone, to support a finding beyond a reasonable doubt as to each of the convictions. See, e.g., Commonwealth v. Lawrence, 68 Mass. App. Ct. 103, 104 (2007)

("The victim's testimony was sufficient evidence of [indecent assault and battery on a child under age fourteen]"); Commonwealth v. Gonsalves, 23 Mass. App. Ct. 184, 185 (1986) ("The victim's account of what the defendant did to him in the apartment was sufficient to overcome the defendant's motion for a required finding of not guilty of rape"). The idea that long infected our legal system that the victim's testimony in sexual assault and rape cases is less credible than the testimony of victims in cases involving other types of crimes -- an idea that reflected nothing more than sexism and an unwillingness on the part of our courts to treat sexual crimes as the gravely serious matter that they are -- has been rejected both by statute and by common law.”

When you and others continue to parrot the myth that victim testimony does not constitute as valid evidence, you are harming victims of rape and abuse. This is straight up rape culture and, since I’m pushing back any video coverage on the matter until I’ve finished dealing with Lily because I don’t want to muddle things, I need you to stop promoting falsehoods. We have legal members on our team who have passed the bar, Patchie does not, Opal does not, and neither does You Can Eat Hearts. You are causing unnecessary harm to victims by breathing life into myths constructed by rape culture. To be clear, I am not asking for your denouncement of certain people, just for you to please, stop publishing bad legal takes.

This is also the case in Canada, if you're wondering - https://www.accused.ca/evidence.htm

Sorry, I just realized I didn't give you the US case study. Here it is - http://masscases.com/cases/app/100/100massappct1.html#:~:text=The%20jury%20found%20the%20defendant,We%20affirm. ]

Oct 30, 2022 9:16 AM

Whew, you have no idea how long I wanted to spill this tea.

Alright, I've said what I've wanted to say on this topic. I'm now going to focus on laughing at Lily and her horrible incest stories.

[k-dokja]

just finish re-reading samuel and yn being chaotic. now im begging for more crumbs of them if you don't mind 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

You occupy the living room, spreading out on the couch like you own the place. You don't, he does. You act like it's your house. He wants to drop his briefcase on you for that alone.

"Ack!"

No reason to not listen to his impulsive thought when it comes to you. "Why didn't you come to the office today?" He glares down at you and it would be far more effective if you aren't wearing that tiny tank top that shows him your cleavage and stomach. Not that you notice where his gaze strays.

"I was sick!" You protest. "I didn't feel good this morning so I stayed home, what's wrong with that?!"

He nearly rolls his eyes backwards into his skull. "What's wrong is that you're meant to send in a notice." He glowers. "Did you know how much I had to do to make up for your absence?"

"Aw, does that mean you need me? Why Samuel, you only need—Ack!"

You clutch your head where he flicks your forehead. If you wince then good, it's meant to hurt. "Stop messing around, I expect overtime once you recover." With that, he leaves your presence after he makes his point known. Knowing you, however, you probably stick your tongue out the moment he shows his back to you.

He turns back sharply, catching you in your act. You quickly whip your head away, pretending to focus on the television. That puts a slight smirk on his face, but you won't know about that.

After his shower and a fresh change of clothes, Samuel returns to the main hall of his penthouse with an easy stride. From where he stands in the kitchen, he can get a good view of you and the show you're watching. Some medical drama, he reckons, you have been into those lately even if you don't understand the head or tail of the medical side of the show.

Briefly, he wonders if half of the appeal of it is because you can't understand anything. Better to turn your brain off and let others do the thinking. After the day he had, maybe that's what he needs at this very moment. With that in mind, he grabs a drink with rocks that'd soothe his temper and coasts over to the couch.

"Scoot over," he commands and you comply with a face that he ignores you were making. Samuel sits down at the other end of the couch where your feet once laid. The moment he hits the cushions, you immediately throw your legs over his lap.

Samuel ignores it and favours savouring his alcohol over you. "Did you even manage to learn anything from watching these?" He asks absentmindedly, not really caring for the answer.

"Yeah, of course," you say, "I learned about symptoms, tumours, and viral infection. Like you, for example."

He arches an eyebrow, "Me?"

"Yeah, you're infected by the bitch-itis," you grin, "not contagious and very dangerous to everyone around you."

Samuel contemplates, but only for a second, before the corner of his lips raises, "No, I think it must've been contagious because you're infected with it, too."

"Hey!" You throw a stray cushion at him. It's only by the gift of his reflexes that he catches it easily. Samuel sets it between your legs and his lap, before making himself comfortable.

"So what are we watching tonight?"

"We?" You ask pointedly but when he doesn't elaborate, you return to your attention to the TV. "House's on. You might like him, he's so... what's the word, sardonic."

He doubts that, but he can't deny your statement piques his interest a little. "How so?"

"Wait, I'd argue he's better than you," you giggle, "at least the man is helping people, while you only ever help yourself."

Samuel clicks his tongue, unfazed by your statement, "That's not true," he says, "you benefit from my actions, too."

You snicker, "Yes, but that's collateral, not intentional. Because otherwise, it would've meant you care about me. There's no way that would be true, right~?"

Samuel only grunts and takes another sip of his drink. There's nothing left of the alcohol except the residual ice water left behind. However, it proves to be a distraction because you don't end up looking at him like you've said something right. He doesn't need that tonight, not after the long day he had.

All he wants to do is turn his brain off and watch the TV.

[glatisant-questing]

Hakuouki Drama CD: An Unexpected Prospective Recruit (Translation, Part 4)

See Part 3 here.

Hijikata: So, it's not about approving your entry. There are various complicated relationships at play, and it's impossible to let you join now. Iba: So, what should I do? Just stand by and watch her grow closer to someone else? Hijikata: We'll keep a close eye on that matter; you don't need to worry. Iba: I'm also concerned about the other soldiers taking care of her. Yamazaki: Speaking of which, Okita-san always says some harsh things 🧐, like wanting to kill her and such… Iba: We can't let this situation continue! Hijikata: We've already warned him about this, but you know, he's not the kind to follow orders. Iba: Indeed, he's not someone who listens to advice. But the problem hasn't been resolved yet. If I were in Toshi-san's position, I'd have Okita's room arranged as far away from hers as possible, absolutely preventing them from interacting. Yamazaki: I've always thought Okita-san's behavior was over the top. I've even considered setting traps in his room, but perhaps it's better to arrange Okita-san's room farther away. Iba: Yamazaki, can you help? Yamazaki: Okita-san's behavior has always struck me as excessive. Hijikata: Hey, Yamazaki, don't get carried away by Hachiro. Yamazaki: Uh, my apologies. Iba: Besides, recently, it's not just within the Shinsengumi, even outside folks from Satsuma-han and Tosa-han seem to have taken an interest in her. What's the deal with that? Hijikata: No, well… Where did you hear that from? Iba: It doesn't really matter where I heard it from, does it? Information flows from various sources, and we can't expect to keep everyone's lips sealed. Yamazaki: When it comes to information about Yukimura-kun, our observational intelligence network might be more potent than other sources. Hijikata: Hey, Yamazaki, what's got you all philosophical here? Come on, talk some sense into Hachiro and make him give up on joining us. Yamazaki: Sorry, I didn't mean to… Iba-san, please calm down. Just as the Vice-Commander said, we'll do everything to protect Yukimura-kun. You don't have to worry. Iba: I heard that you, Yamazaki, are well-acquainted with Dr. Matsumoto Yoshinori and often engage in conversations with Yukimura-kun about medical matters. I guess you wouldn't be feeling anxious and worried like me. Yamazaki: I'm not quite sure what you mean, but… Iba: Probably when you go out to buy medicine, you find various reasons to take her with you, and later you express your daily gratitude. Then, on the way back, you might take her to a tea house, and when you're preparing medicines, you'd hold her hand under the guise of teaching her, and then… 🥺 Yamazaki: None of that has ever happened. Iba-san, how do you really see me? Hijikata: Oh, really? You often go out together for things like buying supplies, right? Yamazaki: Vice-Commander! Please don't add fuel to the fire! Ultimately, the one who spends the most time with Yukimura should be the Vice-Commander! Iba-san should be more concerned about the Vice-Commander, because it is he who always makes Yukimura very nervous, right? Hijikata: Hey, don't point fingers at me 😡. I never kept Yukimura around as such an object of interest. Iba: Is that so, Toshi-san? Hijikata: Of course it's true! I set clear boundaries for my roles. Yamazaki: But you often have her make tea for you. That's also quite enviable. Hijikata: I said enough with the prying! Iba: Well, even if it's Toshi-san, I still don't want to hand her over to someone else. Please, let me become a Shinsengumi member! 🙏

(The end.)

[kickingitwithkirk]

Greetings from Austin

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Word Count: 2161

Warnings: a/b/o, J2 are married/mated, homophobia, bisexuality, biphobia, outdated beliefs, angst, cursing, jealousy, depression/anxiety, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility, IVF, surrogacy, subgender inequality

*additional warnings to be added in future parts.

Square filled: Non-traditional Alpha Traits @spnabobingo Maid Au @spnaubingo

A/N: Here we go again with one my weird as hell dreams, series Inspired by this art.

A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles or Padalecki families. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse. Some dates/events altered to fit story.

A/N III: thank you to everyone for hanging in there since it’s taken me ages to drop a new character, I’ve been doing rewrites/updating on all my series, more to come in future.

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

*divider by @writeyourmindaway​​​​​​

*images found online

Part IV

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“DON'T YA’ BE YELLING AT ME, MR. MAN, EVEN IF THIS IS YOUR FUCKING HOUSE…”

“I gotta go,” tossing his phone on the bedside table, Jared, wearing his blessed socks, runs across the main room and slides on the hardwood floor into the kitchen and saw his husband standing three feet from Quinn as she’s vigorously gesturing with a paring knife while telling him off in her colorful language.

“Put the knife down!” The older Alpha’s voice resonates through the room, making Jared flinch, feeling the command’s power, watching Quinn set it on the counter and Jensen reach over, sliding it towards him.

She stood a bit longer before blinking in confusion, and then her demeanor shifted to madder than a wet hen, her natural lower voice dropped another octave, and the lilt became very pronounced. “Don’t ya’ ever use that fucking voice on me again!” 

“You were threatening me with a knife!” Jensen picks up the item, making her laugh, “Holy fucking shit, are ya’ serious? Ya’ could barely use it for a toothpick, let alone...” 

Jared stood there, mouth hanging open, have’n seen others take on his mate, wrongfully assuming he’d be the easier of the two to intimidate, but when let off its leash, Jensen's wolf made Dean Winchester look like a pussy cat.

“JARED!”

The younger Alpha's mouth snapped shut, “sorry, what?”

“I asked you what the surrogate is doing here?”

“The surrogate has a name.” 

 “What is Quinn doing here?”

 “So..uh..okay,” Jared slowly starts around the island doing his sometimes awkward, hesitant thing.  “A few days ago, I got a call from this number I didn’t recognize. It was about the ultrasound appointment scheduled while you were in LA.” 

He paused to see if Jensen remembered, and yep, his mate was wearing his get to the fucking point expression.

“They informed me she’d canceled it because she was leaving town.” 

Jensen's attention returned to the O, ”Don’t fucking start on me again, Ackles!”

“You know who I am?” 

“Duh, Sherlock!” 

Jensen would later try to justify it was jet lag and surprise finding their surrogate in their home, not her smart-ass mouth, for snarling at her.

“Och, save it for the cameras, drama queen. Ya’ put pants on just like the rest of us; the only difference is yours have designer labels.”

Jared interrupted the speeding downhill faster than an Olympic bobsledder situation, “I remembered her saying something about managing Mulroney’s Bookstore, so I called Clif to see if he’d get her to contact me and calls back saying some Alpha...” 

“...who’s a flaming jackass!”

“Yeah, that’s what Clif called him. Anyways, he claimed to be the manager and had no idea where she was when another employee said they knew where she was living...”

“... that’s when ya’ boy shows up..”

“…I explained about the mixup...”

“…Padalecki followed me to my room to get the new date, then he caused a scene...”

“...I couldn’t help my wolf freaking out at where my..our pups were living...”

“…told ya’ it was there or the I-35 underpass!”

Jared bristled at the reminder, “The door had three locks, a barely functional heater, and a broken fridge. Cockroaches wouldn’t even live there!”

Quinn raises onto the balls of her feet and loudly reminds him about putting her in the shitter with the manager and getting fired when Jared shouts back in his booming voice, “there was a guy by the ice machine offering to sell me heroin!!”

“ENOUGH!” Jensen's Alpha voice echoes throughout the kitchen, quieting them both.

“She’s right,” Jared opened his mouth to retort, but Jensen countered with, “And so are you. Quinn, couldn’t your family help,” the Alphas wrinkled their noses at her souring scent, so he attempted another approach. 

“I want to clear something up. I recall one of the stipulations for surrogates is that they reside in an appropriate domicile. Why were you living in a motel? Could you tell us what happened?”

“The flaming jackass tipped off the landlord I’m an O, and that fucker evicted me even though I never caused any problem or was late with rent.”

“There is a moratorium on evictions..”

“..that moratorium is a fucking joke!”  

“What a minute,” Jensen said, and at the same time, Jared remarked, “It protects people...”

“Newsflash, Mr. Wizard, was created by and for the protection of Alphas and Betas! Take a hot minute to read the fine print, and you’ll find loopholes granting landlords, to quote, discretionary privileges pertaining to the eviction of those designated with the sub-gender Omega. In other words, they can boot O’s for any damn reason!” She gave the Alphas a hard stare, “So, enlighten me as to why y’all didn’t know a fucking thing about that bit?”

The kitchen got quiet as the Alphas glanced at each other, trying to find a non-assholey-sounding response. “Yeah, that’s what I thought; since it’s well known you two prefer Betas.” Quinn addressed the older Alpha.

“Padalecki and I have an arrangement. I keep the house and do meals in exchange for temporary boarding. No need to fret that pretty head of yours, Ackles; I’ll do me damnedest to stay outta the way."

🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎

December 23rd                                                                                                   Late Afternoon

Quinn heard Jensen’s surprised greeting covering the stewpot of goulash, slid it into the oven to stay warm, and peeked around the wall and saw him in the foyer hugging a small, older O, then a tall, bald Alpha carrying several bags crossed over to them.

“Let me help you with those, sir,” she offered, taking them couldn’t help but overhear his not-subtle sniff, “Jensen, who’s this?”

“Umm,” Jensen scratched the back of his neck, fumbling for a response, “this is the housekeeper, Quinn.”  His mother-in-law peered inquisitively at the tall Omega before asking, “What happened to your boys' service?”

“I worked for it.”

Gerald Padalecki dubiously eyed the O up and down as she continued. “They pared down the staff, and Jared offered to retain me in exchange for lodging...”

“You live with them?” Gerald barked, “Jensen, that’s unwise considering...”

“Considering what Gerry,” his mate sharply asks, “the boys wouldn’t let someone stay they couldn’t trust.”

 “I normally wouldn’t question their judgment, but she's an unmated O.”

“Whoa,’ Jensen jumped in, “are you suggesting that Jared or I...” 

“Mama..daddy..what’re y’all doing here?” Jared couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice, wrapping his long arms around his mother, “thought you were coming tomorrow.” 

“We decided to surprise you but got it instead.” Gerald’s gruff reply made Jared throw his husband a confused look, catching a whiff of his dad and Jensen, “What’s going on?”

“I bet y’all would like to freshen up after your trip.” Quinn blurted out, “Jensen, would you help me with their luggage, please.”

Taking the car keys, he follows her out the door, remarking, “you think fast, coming up with that story.”

“Ya’ were about to lose ya' shit on your father-in-law, and I didn’t precisely fib, just moved a few facts around,” Quinn shoots back, grabbing a bag while Jensen, fuming, retrieves the other, following her to the guest house.

How could the Alpha he considered his father even think, after everything they’d been through, found his dark thoughts distracted by two simultaneous acts; a deflating blow-up bed and his bewildered husband storming in shouting, “What the fuck was that?”

Jensen ticked his head towards the O and made the finger-in-hole gesture.

 “I’ve gotten that shit since I presented,” the pair look towards Quinn with confused expressions. “Loads of Alphas still carry antiquated beliefs about unmated O’s, and I’m…pick an adjective to fill in the blank.”

“So much for a peaceful holiday,” Jensen grumbled.

“Yeah, too bad ya’ boy stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, right?” Quinn's tone was caustic. “I don’t want to be a bone of contention with ya' family. I’ll figure somewhere else to stay.”

Jared’s wolf simmers under his skin, “How? You have $636.96 in your account. That won’t cover a security deposit, let alone fir..” 

“How the fuck ya’ know what’s in my account?!”

“Your laptop was open...”

“...and ya’ snooped...”

“...I happened to see it...”

“...still not your fucking problem...”

“...you’re carrying my..our pups, that makes it my fucking..”

“...ya’ are the most unfucking...”

“I’m tired of y’alls motherfucking bitching, so shut the fuck up!!” 

Jensen wrinkles his nose, “Dude, dial it down; you’re stinking up the joint! And Quinn, Jared screwed up...”

“I never asked...”

“...doesn’t matter! He's trying to make amends, for fuck sake!” Jensen felt the vein in his left temple throbbing again.

“There will be many people dropping in or staying with us this fucking week, and this is how we’re all going to handle our situation.”

🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿

January 15th

“Humph,” Jensen jerked awake, slapping a hand around, and found his phone before cracking an eye open.

7:18 A.M.

Groaning, he dropped face-first into his pillow and wrestled his mates over his head to muffle the noise, but the pearls of his pup's laughter signaled he wouldn’t sleep much longer.

His fuzzy brain's insistence that coffee was more imperative than a shower has Jensen sleepily shuffling around the oversized couches, once again grateful they’d decided to move their bedroom to the main floor, spots the group in the kitchen muttered too damn early.

“That’s a bad word, Daddy,” JJ says, her frown a replica of his, “you owe the swear jar.”

“Your right, Birdie, sorry,” dropping a kiss on top of her and the twins' heads, stepping around them, pouring himself a mug, “remind me to pay it later.” 

Hopping up on the counter, Jensen sips his coffee, savoring the black elixir rolling over his taste buds; he feels the caffeine penetrate his system, working its magic to turn his morning grumpyass into a civilized human watching his brood.

JJ and Arrow are busily festooning Quinn’s long, wonky braided hair with ribbons. Zeppelin and Icarus are sitting on the O’s lap, watching something on his iPad that's precariously balanced against her feet; felt his wolf purr in contentment, starting him when his mate materializes and gives him an odd look.

“Alright, y’all,” hopping off the counter, Jensen scoops up his son and flies him around, making airplane sounds, “Uncle Jeff and Aunt H/W/N will be here soon. What do all of you need to do before going?”

“Brush teeth and hair,” Arrow says, then looks at JJ, “grab our snacks from the fridge,” she reminds her, “and put them into our backpacks.” 

“And do bath break!” Zep giggles as Jensen hands the pup to his mate and quietly says, “I wanna discuss something with Quinn.”

Jared reaches through their bond and finds a placidity in Jensen he hasn’t had for so long, but before he can deduce the causation, he gets distracted by the twins' squeals and escorts the pups upstairs. 

Quinn eyes the older Alpha while securing a hair tie around her long braids, “what the fuck I do this time, Ackles?”

“Jared mentioned something about your leaving..”

“...I know ya' expected me gone before now...”

 “...ya’ know what I expect?” Jensen snaps, mimicking her subtle accent, “I expect you to stop interrupting and let me get something out for fucking once! Now, could we please discuss this without fighting?”

Sitting at the dining room table, she says nothing, watching Jensen refill his coffee, grab another mug, and drops in a spoon of honey before pouring the brewed tea from the kettle, “Ya’ know how I take me tea?”

“I’m not a completely unobservant asshole,” Jensen self-deprecates, “you make a damn good cup of coffee,” he said, carrying both mugs over. “And I’m astonished how you balance everything, working at Emmer and Rye while keeping up with our hectic schedules. And what did you do to Jared?” Quinn looked confused, “you got him to put his wet clothes in the laundry instead of leaving them all over the bath. You’re either a witch or a goddamn miracle worker!”

“I gave him two options. Leave’um in the laundry or find itching powder in his clothing.”

“He’d just borrow my stuff...”

“...he did, once.” 

“So, you?

“Clif said ya’ boy spent the day denying it was jock itch.” 

Jensen was still laughing when the quartet came back downstairs, so Quinn placed both forearms on the table, leaning forward, and spoke softly, “okay, Ackles, the fucks going on with this little tête-à-tête? Cause ya’ been freaked the fuck out the entire time, so,” nodding to her mug, “What’s with the buttering up?”

“It’s about not leaving...”

“Quinns not gonna leave?” Jensen whipped around to find Arrow bouncing excitedly beside him, then she suddenly raced towards the front door, yelling, “Papa Jared, Daddy’s got Quinn to stay with us!”  

Jared stood there scrutinizing the seated duo with an indecipherable expression.

“Looks like ya’ the one dropping me in the shitter this time, Ackles.”

tbc

Part V

SPN TAGS: @donnaintx  @lyarr24  @flamencodiva  @b3autyfuldisast3r  @lassie-bird @nancymcl  @spnbaby-67  @leigh70

Sam/Jared:  @idreamofplaid Dean/Jensen:  @thoughts-and-funnies  @stoneyggirl2  @akshi8278  @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl @siospins2

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest @ladysparkles78

[misscrawfords]

3, 35 and 40 for the book ask :)

3. Already answered!

35. What do you think of Ebooks?

Mixed feelings. I much prefer physical copies of books. However, I am a book borrower not a book buyer and my library is extremely slow at getting new books, especially more obscure books not originally published in the UK, if it gets them at all. And then there's a really long waiting list. So I see online there's a new diverse romance come out I want to read - chances of my library getting anytime soon are practically nil. I started borrowing or buying ebooks which are cheaper and reading on my phone - not a lot but enough that I finally bought a Kindle last month. Do I feel good supporting Amazon? No. But it did seem like the best way to be able to read certain books and I was getting tired of reading a lot on my phone - a Kindle has better visibility. I can also see the benefits when travelling. Don't worry though - 90% of what I read is still paperbacks. If I had a choice I'd always go for that.

40. Has there ever been a book you wish you could un-read?

Yes, actually. Two spring to mind, both from my childhood. The first was a totally age-appropriate story about a boy, possibly called Luke, whose brother had leukemia. It was one of those children/YA (I guess it would be Middle Grade these days) books with a Worthy Theme that Kids Might Relate To to Help Them With Difficult Stuff. Not my sort of book even then but for some reason I got hold of it. It really, really upset me. I started becoming terrified of getting cancer, of someone I loved getting cancer, of dying, of loved ones dying...

The second was a biography of the cellist Jaqueline du Pre that my uncle bought me as a present when I was 10. My uncle has a habit of misjudging presents but I didn't know that and while this wasn't a kid's book, I guess it looked innocuous enough. This may seem totally different to the above book but it really isn't. Du Pre developed the condition of MS and the biography went into detail about her condition and its effect on her life including her sex life (which I found morbidly fascinating without really understanding it) and eventually her decline and death. Like the above book, this absolutely grabbed me and obsessed me and scared me.

Basically, I cannot engage with fiction that deals with terminal illness, especially cancer. I just can't. I can't watch medical dramas - I can't even deal with Call the Midwife! To this day I will not read any book that has this kind of plotline or theme. All through my teenage years, I refused to read any book that didn't have a happy ending. It was only when studying Greek forced me to engage with Greek tragedy that I started to let in a couple of "sad stories". Even now I will always take happy endings over sad ones, I avoid angst and I never touch misery porn stories. I can deal with the genre of Tragedy (as in Greek or Shakespeare) because it is not so much sad as inevitable, if you get the difference. Chekhov is on a very thin line. In real life too I find terminal illness, hospitals, doctors really awful, more than is normal, I think. A lot of my friends at school wanted to become doctors - I would do literally any other career. It's my nightmare. Whether my horror of these things came before these two books or not I don't know, but I do remember they had a really profound and negative effect on me and I really wish I hadn't read them at that point in my life.

[little-luna-143]

No Judgement

You and Lip have known each other for quite some time, ever since Lip got beaten up by Mickey for trying to get him to leave you alone. That pretty much solidified your friendship with him. Heading over to the Gallagher house and knocking on the door, you wait a minute until someone answers the door this time it was Ian, who just happens to be the middle brother of the Gallagher group. "Hey (Y/N), Lips a little preoccupied at the moment if you want to sit and watch tv while you wait for him..." Ian tells me walking back to the couch. "Yeah that's fine, where's everyone else at?" You question "Fiona is at work, Debbie's with Sheila's and I have no idea where Carl is" Ian tells me and I just roll my eyes "Aren't you just a great brother" I tell Ian sitting down next to him.

I must have been waiting for Lip for at least an hour before I see Mandy Milkovich rushing down the stairs "What an asshole" she mutters before signaling for Ian to follow her. Taking that as my cue I go up to where Lips room is and knocking on the door "Mandy I told you I didn't want your help with it!" Lip yells from inside the room "It's not Mandy you idiot" You tell him seeing him open the door finally "Seriously, your banging a Milkovich now? What happened to Karen?" you ask lying down on his bed before sitting back up by the window where you ask for a cigarette. Lip gives you a look causing him to gasp "You haven't stopped banging Karen either!? You dog!" you tell him pushing him playfully. You and Lip continue to talk for a while until you hear the door downstairs slam shut "That's my cue to see if Fiona needs any help getting dinner ready for you Motley Crue" You joke, kissing him on the cheek like you always do before you head down. Fiona's day didn't go well, she got fired so someone's nephew could have a job... So I helped her prepare dinner for the kids and by the time the food was ready, Mandy had came back and had sat herself in between Ian and Lip "Didn't know that you would be joining us Mandy" I scoff "And I didn't know you don't know when you're not wanted" She sneers back at me "Well actually Fiona invited me to stay for dinner since, you know, I helped make the food for everyone" I snap back "Plus, Lip wants me here, Right?" I add seeing Mandy snap her head to Lip and Lip look like a deer in headlights not saying anything "You know what, I'll just leave, enjoy your meal" I say kissing Liam on the head and patting Fiona on the back "Good luck" I whisper to her before grabbing my things and leave.

I get off the porch when I get stopped by someone saying my name, turning around already knowing it was Lip. "What do you want?" you ask "Look I'm sorry if I'm an asshole but I did want you to stay, and not because you helped with dinner" Lip tells me "But yet you couldn't say anything in front of your little girlfriend?" you question as Mandy steps out "Look I didn't want to cause drama between you two" Lip states gesturing at both of you "Well how about this, when you decide to get your head out of your ass, give me a call" You tell him walking up to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek like you always did before flipping Mandy the bird and walking away. Weeks go by and Karen ended up getting hit by a car and no one knew who did it. But you did receive an anonymous text message saying you were next, scared for your life you call Lip "Hey I know we didn't end off on the right foot the other night but I just got a text saying "I'm next" and I think it was from whoever hit Karen with their car... Just give me a call back please?" I tell the voicemail box before hanging up. I went to go see Karen and let me tell you, when I mean she was messed up, she was MESSED up. Right now they have her in some medically assisted coma, and there was no telling what she was going to be like if she passes this hurtle.

I was walking home when I saw a note on my front door "STAY AWAY FROM LIP" was written on it with what I would only guess either red marker or blood. Having enough of it, I take the note to the Gallagher's household, I say my pleasantries to Fiona and the younger kids before heading up to Lip. Not caring if there was something going on in the room I just barge in "Hey, You never called me back from the voicemail I sent you" I tell him thanking god there wasn't anything happening when I came into his room. "I didn't know you left a voicemail" Lip tells me grabbing his phone to look "I called you like the other night" I reply and all I see him do is shake his head no "Yeah see, I have nothing in the voicemail box" he tells me shoving his phone in my face. "Well let me give you the quick version of the call; I got a text from a number I don't know saying that I was next just hours after Karen got hit by a car, and then today I have a note saying this" I inform Lip handing him the note. "What the hell?!" Lip yells handing the note to Ian so he could see what it means "I don't know what kind of sick game this is, but whoever this is better stay the fuck away from me, before I pop open a can of whoop-ass on them" You tell them seeing both the boys laugh "Seriously (Y/N) you aren't that scary, remember the time that Suzie wanted to start that fight? You ended up staying away from school for close to a month until she forgot why she wanted to fight you" Ian states wiping a tear from his eye.

You ended up telling Fiona what's going on and she insisted you stay over-night, Fiona wasn't against it because she knew if you say you're going to stay on the couch you usually do. But tonight was a different story, every little noise that was made scared you, to the point where you walked up to Lips room (Fiona's old room) and you knock on the door "Lip, Are you up?" you whisper and you hear him tell you that you can come in "Sorry if I woke you up, it's just... Knowing there's someone out there who want's to hurt me, kinda scares me" you tell him sitting on the bed "Would you mind if I sleep on the floor in here tonight? Just to give me some piece of mind, and don't worry I'll tell Fiona why I didn't stay on the couch in the morning so you don't get in trouble" You say in one breath without realizing it. "No you don't have to sleep on the floor, you can sleep in the bed with me, I'll stay above the blankets." Lip says like the gentlemen he was "The floor is too hard for anyone to sleep on" he adds ushering me under the covers. You end up convincing Lip to get under the covers since his room was so cold, you two can share a bed without someone loosing their pants was your argument.

When you wake up to Fiona yelling to everyone that breakfast was ready you realize that in the middle of the night you must have gotten cold because Lip had a tight grip on you. "Liiiipppp" you sing pushing his hair out of his face "It's time to get up... and I kind of can't get up until you let go of me" You laugh as he tightens his grip for a second then lets go. There wasn't anything that needed to be said, you knew you could be yourself if you're around him. Before you leave his room you see him pout so you chuckle and kiss him on his cheek "Get up" You whisper to him before leaving his room. After walking down to the kitchen Fiona stops you "Why were you not on the couch when I woke up?" she asks you and then you go into the somewhat long spiel on what happened last night "I'm sorry Fiona, I promise I won't do it again" you say only for Fiona to tell you she'd rather it be you in Lip's bed than Mandy. You help make breakfast and realize Lip is still not downstairs so up the stairs you go again, "Lip... You gotta get up, breakie is done and you don't want to miss out." you tell him getting closer to the bed but you must have gotten too close because next thing you know you're being pulled back into bed. He then chooses to tickle you so you start this whole war up trying to tickle him back and get him to stop tickling you, You both are laughing when you hear a foot tapping at the door and someone clear their throats. Looking up you see Mandy standing there pissed, like if this was a cartoon she would have a red face and steam coming out of her ears - pissed. You sit up and catch your breath and make yourself look presentable "I was trying to get him up so he can eat before leaving for school" you tell her looking back at Lip "Downstairs soon please?" you add to Lip giving him another kiss on the cheek not caring if Mandy was there or not, that was something you always did and you didn't feel the need to stop just because she was watching.

Weeks go by and you are still looking over your shoulder, But you were trying to stay somewhat calm because there was a surprise party planned for Lip since he graduated high school and you wanted it to be all about him. You decided to hide how many threats you gotten since until after his party was over, Getting ready to go to the Gallagher house you just kind of stuff all the threats into your back right next to his present. Once there, you see Fiona bringing Lip out blindfolded, you all start hooting and hollering when he takes off the blindfold. You guys have cake and beer having fun like always when Lip comes over to you "Congratulations! The first Gallagher to graduate!" You tell him and he congratulates you back in return since you graduated high school with him "Hey I wouldn't have graduated if it wasn't for you, helping me to understand half the shit coming out of our teacher's mouth's!" you yell over the music "By the way, I have a present for you in my bag if you want to get it later" you tell him as you guys continue to dance and drink.

The party is over and you were up in Lip's room, he had just excused himself so he could grab your present out of your bag, but when he returned he not only held the present but he also had all the papers of threats that you have received. "What the hell are all these?" Lip asks dropping them on his bed "Sorry I was meaning to tell you about them but I didn't want to ruin your party" you inform him putting your head in your hands "They have been coming non-stop, and they all say to have something to do with you" You tell him while he picks up one "What I did to Karen will look like child's play next to what I will do to you" He reads out loud before throwing it back on the bed. "Okay we need to go to the cop's, this needs to end" Lip tells me grabbing my hand and hoisting me off his bed "What good will that do? I don't know who is doing this yet alone they haven't found out who ran over Karen..." You trail off "Just come with me" is all Lip had to say as he grabs all the papers.

Getting to the police station was easy, it was when you had to wait for a cop to come and talk to you two, but after waiting for what seemed like hours someone FINALLY comes over to you. "What seems to be the problem?" the cop asks with a coffee in his hand. You both inform the cop of the situation at hand and he didn't look the least bit interested. You were getting irritated when finally Lip speaks up "Jesus Christ! The person you are looking for is Mandy Milkovich, she's the one that hit Karen with a car and she's the one leaving all these messages for (Y/N)" after Lip proved he knew what he was saying, the cop gave you both a ride back to the Gallagher house and said they would look into the Mandy situation. Heading up to Lips room to get your bag to head home but Lip stops you saying the Fiona wouldn't care if she spent the night again after hearing what had happened. He turns on the radio and you both sit next to the window blazing up together when a catchy song comes on.

"When you're with me, no judgement You can get that from anyone else You don't have to prove nothing You can just be yourself When you're with me, no judgement We can get that from everyone else And we don't have to prove nothing When you're with me, no judgement (Mhm, we don't have to prove nothing Mhm, when you're with me, no judgement)"

You look at Lip after you finish the joint and before you knew it his lips were on yours. Lip locked for what seemed like an eternity, when finally you separate and he looks at you in a way that he never looked at you before "This song is so true, when you're here, you can be yourself and I never will judge you for it" Lip tells you before kissing you again.

The End

[etrosgate]

when i initially read the manga (+watched the anime), it was something i liked, but felt like there was just something lacking that prevented me from truly loving it. then i started reading the novel and it filled in all those lacking spots as well as fixing some issues i had and now it's easily my favorite version (even without having read all of it) and i really really love shiki in general.

EDIT: i forgot to link to the fantranslation!! it's incomplete, but they've gotten a good way into the book. this page is a good resource for direct links to each part but i would generally recommend clicking through the arrows on op's dreamwidth page (start reading from here) and only going back to the previous site if you need to find something specific (or when op takes a break from shiki and you need to skip past a lot of other stuff to get to the next part), as they have very important cultural/translation notes between chapters

for shiki fans who don't know anything about the novel, here's some interesting differences.

most of them stem largely from the shift in target demographic. the original novel is pretty obviously for an adult audience, while the shiki manga was published in a shonen magazine. to facilitate that, they upgraded natsuno's role from a side character to protagonist.

while also being for age reasons, i'm pretty sure it was a decision also made to narrow the scope (for at least the beginning of the story). the novel is Very much an ensemble piece, with the first chapter alone having 8 different pov characters. it's to the point where singling out a protagonist is more of a matter of figuring out"who has the most pov chapters" and "who is most central to the narrative" than an obvious answer. i'd be most confident in saying that seishin is the protagonist (with toshio as the next closest to it).

it's a lot easier to get teens hooked on the smaller but more active natsuno+other kids drama plot, as opposed to in-his-30's seishin and 1 million various other normal people who live in the town gossiping about how so-and-so saw a car coming towards sotoba suddenly stop and turn back around before it got there lmao.

if you couldn't tell already, the novel is extremely slow-paced and mundane. up until page 545 (out of 1,271) when toshio has that conversation with natsuno and first begins to consider the possibilities of vampires, there is no overt signal to the reader that anything supernatural is occurring. it's largely a medical mystery, with some overall ominous feeling and the occasional character feeling like someone's watching them, natsuno realizing someone picked up some of the fragments of the letter he shredded.

for context, that same scene where the doctor realizes its vampires occurs about 43% into the book, while in the anime it's 20%. people who found the anime/manga too slow paced would NOT be able to handle the novel haha

and let me be clear, i fucking love that about it. the extremely grounded tone (and lack of those crazy character designs) suits the story sooooo well, and it benefits from taking all that time getting to know the village (even if it was really difficult to keep track of who was who). everyone feels very... real. people you can easily see being your neighbors irl, in the best ways and the worst. while still being clearly sympathetic, it also establishes how the cruelty that ensues from the humans in the ending came from flaws they had long before the shiki ever came.

i ended up just talking about shiki so i forgot the fun facts lmao

natsuno never becomes a shiki, he just dies.

akira also dies, as there is no natsuno to save hiim.

the novel opens with a prologue showing the ending, the pov of a fire fighter driving to deal with the fire consuming sotoba, who sees a man (seishin) driving away from the town with a coffin in his car's truck bed

tohru's a bit older, more firmly an adult and cool older brother kind of best friend

the kirishiki mansion itself has more of a presence (makes sense, considering the novel is intended to be a play on stephen king's salem's lot)

i don't htink this bit has been translated yet, but i do know the lore explanation for werewolves: if you have parents who are both genetically predisposed to rising as shiki, their child would be genetically predisposed to rising as a werewolf

when seishin arrives at the hospital and finds out about toshio's experimentation+killing of kyoko, he doesn't immediately leave. he initially helps him clean up, and only starts objecting once the conversation uncovers the fact that toshio doesn't view what he did as murder. in fact, it didn't even occur to him. they have an argument about it, with seishin unable to accept toshio's desire to kill the shiki when it is done with the intent of exterminating an existence because it's "unnatural", and toshio unable to accept seishin's inaction, as his refusal to fight the shiki means condemning the village to its death. and so they part, unable to deny the truth in the others' accusations.

[rin-and-jade]

hey I'm from the same system as 🌺, and I wanna add some stuff because unlike her I'm not blind to the abuse.

we are homeschooled so when the verbal abuse happened there wasn't anywhere else to escape to, I remember I used to literally hide behind things when I was younger.

I didn't learn to read until I was 10, and I'm dyslexic and autistic and dyspraxic and dyscalculic. so I absolutely suffered in academics for basically my whole life, my mother used to sit down with me and watch me stare at the work in front of my face and then yell at me because I didn't do it. or I messed up, or any slew of things fuck.

I was undiagnosed for autism for literally most of my life, I only got diagnosed when I was 13-14. so for a long long part of my childhood I was berated, yelled at, given the silent treatment, not comforted when I needed it and other stuff.

this is definitely because of her upbringing, and generational trauma. she's better now, but the damage has been done. and if I ever tried to bring this shit up now she'd just call me a liar, she loves to call me a liar.

after I learned how to read, I basically had to learn how to spell and write myself. I preferred it that way, because every time she try's to teach me stuff it always ended with me crying and her yelling.

oh I didn't even mention all the "talks" she has given me, basically telling me to "shape up, you're not doing anything with your life." when I have no freedoms? the digiverse is my only freedom, has been since I was a kid. I try to talk to her about my interests and she waves me away, though its gotten better. I still am not sure about her claims.

I literally can't go out by myself, I'm 17. I'm literally going to be 18 in a couple months and I've to this day never been on a trip somewhere on my own, I know I'm a bit oblivious at times. but I've always wanted that in my life.

maybe I'll get it now when I go to Tafe in person, and meet people. god I fucking hope.

I went through a lot of medical trauma from being hospitalised as a 6 month old because hot tea spilled on me, to asthma hospitalisations and more.

all under the age of 10 mind you, I've always been the "problem" child. mostly because of all my medical issues, and developmental issues. my addiction to YouTube, and screens in general. is it an addiction when it's literally the only thing that stops me from bursting into tears?

I didn't have friends for most of my life, and the ones I did. I only saw them at most once a week, most of the time it was once or twice a month until they grew tired of me.

I've had nice things, but all I really wanted was someone to listen to me. I used to literally wish everyday for most of my life, its only stopped now because I have AN ACTUAL FRIEND. and I'd kill everyone and then myself for him literally. (I'm referencing a meme)

but I was lonely most of my life, I love my siblings but its just not the same. I couldn't share my thoughts and feelings because they'd just tell mother.

once I had a friend group on this game, Cat game (that's literally what they are called.) and I was happy. a bit stressed because of drama, but it was nice to have someone who listened and cared.

I'm tempted to go back, but I just can't risk it. my family thought they were groomers, those people were more likely to be groomed then be groomers. I'm not dumb, I still feel bad for my abrupt departure.

but at least they know I loved them dearly, if like I mentioned any of my moots. or the fact I talk so outwardly on the internet they'd ban me actually ban me forever. and I can't let go of my one healthy coping mechanism.

I don't think I could ever tell them shit about my mental state, especially after the shit show that was lena trying to get us actual help. I still want to go to therapy and a psychiatrist, but I'm worried I'm just going to be abused verbally and emotionally more.

and right now, it's way less.

if they knew I considered myself trans, or supported nonbinary people or just most of the different gender identities. they'd tell me I'm wrong and they would have seen it, or that nonbinary people are doing it for attention.

why the fuck would I do any of this shit for that? I want your unconditional love, and support for my struggles. not that fake bullshit!

I have problems and I just want to help them, and nothing I do is good enough. I'm this disappointment half the time.

there was this one time. (maybe more) when my little brother was having a meltdown, and screaming. my mother's blood was boiling honestly, and she was yelling at him to "SHUT UP" "STOP CRYING FOR FUCKS SAKE" and such. she threatened to pull over and leave him on the road, a common threat of her's. and when his screams and cries got louder, she pulled over into this parks parking. and told him either he was to "SHUT UP, OR GET OUT." he didn't and he got out of the car, or was taken. either way he was outside of the car, I was crying and telling my mother to "STOP" and let him back in, I was 7-8 when this happened. and he must have been 3-4, and my little brother was crying and crying. and my mother had enough of the insubordination, and started to drive away. I started screaming then to go back for my brother, *I'm not sure which one it was, but it was one of them. and she kept driving, and driving.

I think she circled the block twice before letting my brother back in, but that was traumatic.

this sorta thing was why when I had my first suidal thought it was to open the car door and fall out, because I couldn't TAKE the verbal abuse that happened in the car.

I had depression I think, I had depression for most of my childhood.

but now, I feel happier. not because of anything that's happened in the real life, but the comfort I got from here. the internet.

there's many many more times I could talk about but I'm tired, I'll tell you more later.

but she's not good, I don't know if she's ever realised. but I just cannot be mad.

from me

Pop

That sure was a long story, read it word by word, i definitely relate to the bad treatment and threats i also got from my own mother. Kind of glad you’re still here and had got better, i witnessed a kid being pulled outside the car and even punched.. not lovely.

Anyway, i care to listen in what you have to say next time, i consider myself a great listener if anyone needs to vent too and whatnot,, and come back next time bro.

- j

[softquietsteadylove]

I enjoyed the thenamesh actor au pretty much! Would you write some cute fluff how Thena and Sprite are visiting Gil, spending a nice and fun evening with cooking and then watching a movie and Gil ( he has taken his medication after dinner) falls asleep on Thenas shoulder? Sprite noticing the beautiful chemistry between them?<3

"Hey."

"Hey," Gil smiled as a wisp of blond drifted into his view as he loaded the dishwasher (slowly).

"Thanks for dinner," Thena repeated from several times earlier already, bringing over hers and Sprite's plates from the table. "It really was incredible, Gil."

"Aw," he blushed. "It's the least I could do; you've been such a help since the whole arm thing."

Thena's eyes drifted down to his broken arm in his sling, as it did often. "I wish I could do more."

"Trust me, Thena," Gil closed up the dishwasher and patted her shoulder ever so gently, "it's plenty."

She smiled up at him. The soft lighting of the kitchen really brought out his handsomeness.

"Go sit down with Sprite," he nudged her with a grin, "make sure she doesn't pick something with me in it--I can't bear watching myself with people."

"I know the feeling," Thena laughed, drifting off into the living room as Gil reached for the painkillers he'd been prescribed.

Sprite barely looked away from her scrolling as Thena sat down on Gil's large sectional couch. "You two done flirting?"

"Sprite!" Thena hissed at her sister.

"I had to sit through you two making eyes at each other all through dinner," Sprite pointed out liberally, despite the murderous look on her sister's face. "Not bringing it up until now is a testament to my restraint."

"I mean it," Thena pointed her finger in her sister's face. "You are making him uncomfortable and he is our host, who has been nothing but very sweet with you, may I add."

"You may, but that only makes you like him more," Sprite pointed out. As much as she wasn't really into the idea of hearing about her sister's obvious crush on her co-star, part of her couldn't help its curiosity.

Unfortunately, Thena was so in denial about her feelings for him that she was underwater.

"Don't pick anything with Gil in it, says he can't stand watching himself," Thena murmured, eyes drifting down to her lap as Sprite scrolled through the options on the tv.

Sprite just nodded. Thena had the same problem, although Sprite never had any real desire to watch stuff with her in it. She really did think Thena was a great actress, but it was still just her sister--she saw her everyday.

"Okay," Gil mumbled as he sat himself on the couch with him. "What'd we find?"

"Still looking," Thena sighed, loudly enough for Sprite to know it was expressed just for her.

"Okay, okay," the teenager grumbled back, settling on a thriller. "Oh, this is Sersi's new thing!"

Thena smiled at Gil on the other side of her, "Sersi is our cousin."

"I heard about this movie," Gil nodded as the opening logos began. "Apparently there was a lot of drama onset."

"Unfortunately, although Sersi managed to escape a good deal of it," Thena sighed, unfolding her crossed legs and relaxing her stiff posture. "It doesn't surprise me, with Eros in its cast."

"Have you worked with him before?" Gil asked more quietly as the movie began.

"Once or twice," Thena whispered in reply, even shifting to angle herself more in Gil's direction. "He's...interesting."

Gil raised a brow at the diplomatic choice of words. "What am I--the press?"

Thena let out a little giggle, still trying to keep quiet for Sprite's sake of watching undisturbed.

Sprite wasn't paying attention anyway. She only really cared to watch Sersi's parts. And besides that, the little display happening on the couch right next to her was way too distracting to be ignored.

"I've read stuff about him," Gil whispered, leaning his head down closer to Thena. "He's pretty vocal about having a thing for you."

Thena rolled her eyes, missing the visible amusement - and maybe something else - on Gilgamesh's face as she did. "I think part of his image is being a bit of a stud. But he's closer to Sprite's age than ours."

Sprite rolled her eyes too. That was a bit of an exaggeration, not that she thought much of the slightly pompous actor from the once or twice she'd met him.

"I don't see how that'd stop him," Gil shrugged, his words running together slightly as his eyes drooped. "If you're beautiful, you're beautiful--and you are."

Sprite resisted the urge to call her sister out on her visible fluster.

"He's said so," Gil mumbled out, although it ran right into his yawning. "Said he wishes he could have the opportunity to work with the beautiful 'Goddess' herself."

Thena blinked as Gil leaned - slumped - even closer.

"I think even that's an understatement," Gil practically slurred. His back slid further and further down on the couch until his head collided with Thena's shoulder.

"Gil?" Thena blinked, whispering to him but not daring to turn her head to actually look at him.

Gil just adjusted his position, nuzzling even closer into her.

"Thena, please, I'm right here."

"Sprite!" Thena hissed at her again.

"Sh, Thena," Sprite laughed as she leaned back on the luxurious couch and pointed at the tv, "trying to watch."

Damned menace of a sister. Thena rolled her eyes, not moving a muscle as Gil fell into an even deeper sleep with her for a support. It was a good thing that he was also up against the back of the couch. Although his heaviness wasn't quite too much--it was almost kind of nice. He was solid, but not sharp edged, and he was bulky, but there was some softness to it that was nice too.

Thena smiled to herself as Sprite lowered the volume to barely audible, even turning on the subtitles. For all her surliness and general teenaged attitude, Sprite still had a warm heart under all of it. "Thanks, Sprite."

"Sh," Sprite smiled back at her, "watching."

[austinwehaveaproblem]

I am asking about heypetekey drama.

okay there's,,, so much here. chris himself has said that this whole thing is only abt 75% true but i'm putting it all under the cut anyway FDHSJKFDSK it's also not really,,, heypetekey drama it's like petekey + chris who's in lvoe with mikey but also pete and chris definitely kinda have a gay thing drama. i don't know what i'm saying anyways

this isn't like. i'm sure some of this won't make sense if you don't already have background knowledge of them but i'm Hoping it kinda might if not. idk dig up the petekey masterpost or something

anyways so heychris had a girlfriend and her name was heykate and pete slept with her bc?!?!? idk!

so chris posts this thing on his livejournal about it!

an open letter to pete wentz. it takes a lot to make me mad. it takes even more to infuriate me. so, after all this time i finally learned the truth. that it was you telling my ex girlfriend lies and secrets. despite even giving you the pass card after i caught you trying to talk dirty to her online, this is how you repay me? no wonder why you couldnt look me in the eye on the bus last summer and no wonder why you avoided me every chance you got. you hug me and tell me you love me then you tell lies to my girlfriend behind my back to lure her away from me? you tell her i cheat on her and then you tell me to come stay on the bus? you are a spineless fucking sham. i regret every second i spent defending you and your selfish ways. dont forget, i know you. not that shitty glammed up poser image you present to the masses to consume. the dude i knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt or sold out one of his friends. the dude i knew had heart and fucking loyalty. well lil buddy, you are fucking done. you want to sell me out to the most important person in my life and then have the audacity to make ME think I did something wrong to not deserve your friendship? you fucking arrogant bastard. since we’re discussing sellouts lets discuss how when kids give you presents you laugh at them and throw it straight in the trash. oh yeah, ive seen it many times. lets talk about how you talk shit about the fat girls that are your fans and mock their letters. you are fucking undeserving of every ounce of attention you’ve ever gotten. from every one of your calculated business moves to your “spontaneous” jumps in the crowd parts to your well rehearsed cliche lines you’ve been spouting for 400 shows in a row. you’re boring, contrived and old. “oooh, no one loves me, its sooo hard being on magazine covers and tv shows. someone save me from me.” what are you, fucking 12? go light your little candles ask yourself why no one will ever truly love you. its amazing no one has caught on to your little fucking show. you’re nothing more than a shitty opportunist business man with even shittier fashion sense. so pack up and move to whatever million dollar house you’ve picked out in california paid for by your lies and hypocrisy and deceit and selfishness and over medicate yourself like youve been doing for years…because guess what? no one wants you here anymore. you are not welcome. oh yeah, hows that straight edge tattoo doing? as well as the tattoo for your “crew” who now refer to you as a fraud and a con? stay gold dude, stay gold. remember this each night of the tour when you play the lie, “hey chris, you were our only friend.” downplay it all you want by saying the song is about “friends”, but guess whos fucking name you’re saying each and every night? mine. thats right. what a bunch of fucking phonies. sing the songs you dont even believe in anymore. fucking liar. you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty. you know who im talking about and you know they’re not happy either. so dont get caught slipping and you better make damn sure you watch whos on your guest list because a plus one might come backstage to punch your fucking teeth out and tear the windpipe from your throat. you fucking sell out. oh, and next time you decide to write another song about me, do it right you fucking coward.

so uh. pete replies on the fall out boy lj. and like,,,, you can imagine how awful that must've been for chris

oh what a monster we’ve created.

when i am called by my manager to read a post that is burning through the internet it makes me wonder. ive never responded to rumours or shittalking online, no matter who it came from- at the same time there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than reading this- being who i am, my first instinct is to blow it off- but then i consider how anytime anything is written on the internet people believe its true- no matter what, no matter the biases or subjectivity of the sources. my first instinct is to lash out- to say everything i think about you and every situation- to defend myself and attack you. as unbelievable as it is- i am an extremely insecure person- everytime i read something about myself negative or positive i react in probably the exact same way anyone would.

but like i said- i am going to continue to do this my own way, what i consider to be the higher road. i understand when we get angry we often lash out- ive done it myself on many occassions. if you want to talk to me about any of this call me on my cell phone and we can do it one on one-

i will not be responding to anything else-

however, the attacks about our fans and the people that listen to this music and read these words is completely offbase- the fans of this band are my entire life- ive lost my girlfriend, my friends, much of my “normal” life- just to keep this relationship going- this isn’t to say that i dont make mistakes, take misteps. just because youve seen me on tv or at a show doesn’t make me anything less or more than human. you dont ever see the other side of the way we agonize over every decision we make or try our best to please everyone- because we’ve given up in bands before and we know how it feels and we dont want that to happen. everyone in the band is upset about this- remember everyone that makes up fall out boy- they all wanted me to voice that we appreciate our fans and friends that weve met more than anything- and that we realize because of where we are all the arrows are pointed at us- but we will try our best. and we do try our best. we also, have far more faith in the intelligence and dedication of the people that believe in us to think that they will be swayed easily. if you want to hear other stories of how we actually talk about our fans or think of them please ask other bands, they will testify to how we really act. we just want you to know that in four years when noone cares, we still hope you are there. im not going to freak out or whatever, but please an attack on our fans or our relationship with them as a p.r. move is uncalled for.

this doesn’t need to be reposted anywhere- i am sure that fob fans know where to find it.

chris if you want to talk the phone line is there.

i wrote this pretty fast so i apologize for the typos and run-ons.

until then, thank you to everyone who reserves judgment and has my back until the end of time. - petey

(idk why that bit formatted weird sorry)

so chris replies again on a different journal i think?

heterolifemates. i wont lie. i hate being this dude. i wish it wouldnt have come to this but goddamn, hes right. no one knows how to break a heart like he does.

which comes across as weirdly gay but shrug. and around now is peengate. chris denies doing it but the timing lines up Really nicely. and like. i don't know getting publicly humiliated by a band that's BLOWING UP? when you weren't even in the wrong? also i'm fairly sure that pete sending chris nudes was like,,, a thing since i think he offered them for help fixing his printer once?! yeah idk

and nowww mikeyway gets involved! hoping you've got like background knowledge on petekey and what went on summer 2005 if not,, i mean you could ask me too o.o FDSHJFDS sorry if i get tinhatty around here too

anyways

chris said he "went to california and fell for a boy who had a girlfriend" and then literally RIGHT AFTER. posted these

and then pete does this

shrugs

so pete and chris weren't friends but they were still friends with each other's friends and i'm fairly sure they're like,, on good terms again but definitely not best friends or anything

in 2013 chris said "But I still do have a crush on Mikey."

this year. 2022. chokes and dies.

do you know how normal i have to be about these images anon.

also earlier this year or maybe last year? idk but chris commented on one of mikey's posts i think getting mad he never came to the catcade (chris's cat cafe!) when he went to chicago (fic potential just sayin)

um the end probably for now :thumbsup: i left some bits out but ! ehhgjgndnj

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

(For CF one shot) Hi I know you haven't written this yet but I'm a bit interested in cystic fibrosis and I wanted to share some ideas ​​(you don't have to use them of course) I warn you that I am no specialist, but I am wondering if I would like to become a doctor in this field in the future

- Spider could have atypical cystic fibrosis (it's a milder version, comfort and longevity is bigger) but could have asthma/CFD (Cystic Fibrosis Diabetes) to add some "drama" (I mean Quaritch and his overprotectiveness - I think he would treat Spider as if he was going to die at any moment)

- People with cystic fibrosis should use oxygen therapy, use a special vest and, of course, take medication. Meditation and singing are also recommended.

Some people also need a gastric tube (G-Tube I guess) usually plugged in at night as they need to consume more calories than a normal person and have difficulty gaining weight. I think Quaritch would be totally crazy about this and would never let Spider leave the table without finishing his meal

- Cfers often get various infections like pneumonia - Quaritch could be even more of a pain in the winter, for example not letting Spider take off his sweater or scarf no matter how hot he is

- People with CF also need to work on their lungs for example by doing cardio - I bet Quaritch would become something of a rough trainer lol

- Often these people carry permanent oxygen concentrators with them, usually in a bag or backpack along with oxygen nasal cannulas.

- In general, they have to be careful because they can't get closer than 6 steps to other people with this disease. I don't think Spider will ever meet someone with CF but Quarotch could scare him like this to prezent trying to sneak out and get to know new people by saying something like "You never know if a person is hiding a disease from you and you don't want to die right?

- Not so long ago a drug was discovered - Trikafta which significantly improves the lives of patients but it is terribly expensive - Generally I think Quaritch would buy Spider all the most expensive equipment such like a mobile vest without the need to connect

- I recommend you the book / movie Five Feet Apart , @polarbarry's Tik Tok profile and the channel of the wonderful Claire Wineland (*)

- I think Spider would be frustrated with being locked up and might suffer from some kind of depression.

If you've been watching Five Feet Apart Spider reminds me of Stella Grant in terms of being obsessed with control so as not to hurt her parents, and Will in terms of drawing black humor caricatures. Will's mother also blatantly reminds me of Quaritch - she goes out of her way to find a way to cure the child, spending a lot of money and constantly sending him on the latest trials of experimental drugs, methods of treatment against his will and feelings.

Yeah I know you didn't ask for any advice but I couldn't help myself because my head is bursting with ideas CF Spider (of course half of it has slipped my mind now and will probably come back to me when I send it) And I can't wait to see it. Again sorry if I'm intruding you can just ignore this message haha

Sorry for mistakes but it's now after midnight and I got a sudden surge of motivation to write this 😅

I really appreciate you reaching out! this is all very helpful so thank you so much for the ideas/resources.💞💞

Also you unknowingly stumbled upon something I've already written for Cabin in the Woods with this line: Quaritch could be even more of a pain in the winter, for example not letting Spider take off his sweater or scarf no matter how hot he is.

He does exactly that and Spider only has asthma in that story. Quaritch would probably be the most insufferable mother hen in the C.F Au

[the-loststone]

Söz Review

So I decided to actually write a review for Söz, because I'm so obsessed with the show and my last review was getting too long. Please be aware that there will be spoilers, though I'll try to avoid them.

Acting

Let me start by saying the cast was excellent. Yes there were some moments of stiff acting and some occasions where it was obvious a fight scene was staged, but overall it was perfect. The emotion the actors were able to convey was perfect. The chemistry between them, whether romantic partners, family, enemies, or brotherhood, they had great chemistry between each other.

Music and Cinematography

The music in this show is banging. There are several soundtracks that I've downloaded. The cast also has several scenes throughout the show where they sing and play instruments, and it's always lovely and serves to add depth to scenes and characters. The cinematography too was very professional. Very well done.

Plot

Going into this show, it's not hard to miss the fact that it's military propaganda. Not going to lie, I didn't care. I've seen shows with more. If you've ever watched a Chinese military drama, you'll see that this is pretty tame. There is a lot of patriotism in this show, where Turkiye is standing alone against the rest of the world. I love a good patriotic show that shows a love for country and culture. They did a good job of not saying what country they are fighting, or where the terrorists come from, so it's not like they're insulting anyone. It's very much good versus evil, especially in the first two seasons. In the third season, we get to see some shades of grey, when Yavuz is playing the spy and committing illegal deeds for his country. But even then he's still firmly established as the good guy who never hurts innocents.

Seasons 1 & 2

I cried so much in the season 2 finale. The last two episodes had me sobbing. And this is after Fatma and Hafiz. I couldn't handle my tears when it came to Bahar.

They do a really good of establishing the characters. From the start, when we are introduced to Yavus, we know that he is smart and quick, and a good shot. He is immediately introduced as a hero, and then a tragic figure when they fridged his fiance. But we also learn that he is kind and a good man, and in the moments before she died, that he very much loved Merve. From then we are immersed in his grief for the majority of season 1. But we also get to know his sense of duty and purpose to his country which drives him. I don't think I've seen a character I admire more. Yavuz was perfectly characterized by Tolga Saritas. The perfect big brother to his team. An exemplary leader.

We get to know the team from there, the seven central characters: Hafiz, Ates, Avci, Ceylak, Kesanli, Asik, Erdem. I have never seen a more supportive brotherhood. A good thing about this show being military propaganda is that they don't give the soldiers any evil storylines. These are good boys. They respect their superiors, their parents, their loved ones... It's a group of good men. Hafiz is the prophet, he's pious, and wholesome, and wise. Then there's Ates, our intelligence agent and master of disguise. He's the womanizer of the group. Then theres Avci, our hunter, and the last man to make me cry in season 3. Then there's Ceylak, our rookie, with an innocent quality that remains throughout the show which his team members try to keep alive. They treat him like the baby, he's their baby. Then Kesanli, our wild card. He's the cutest and gentlest boy who loves to play Cupid. Finally, of those under Yavuz's command, we have Asik, our medic with a beautiful voice. Lastly, we have their general, Erdem. If Yavuz is their big brother, Erdem is their father.

Then we have the girls. Bahar is our female lead, a doctor, empathetic, kind, soft. When we meet her, we immediately get the sense that she wants more from her life, that she wants to do more but she doesn't know how. Meeting Yavuz and going to the military base and meeting the people there gives her a new purpose. She launches into it without looking back. And it's admirable that she knows what she wants and goes after it immediately. She wasn't thrown off or hesitant. She didn't fear rejection, but waited for acceptance. Her story largely revolved around informing the audience of abuses people suffer, such as domestic violence, drugs, etc. Her relationship with Yavuz was not a major focus for either of them, but they gravitated towards one another naturally. I honestly do think that they were a great couple. They had physical attraction to one another, then were friends throughout season 1, then during season 2 they finally get together in the business transaction marriage trope, and fall in love throughout their time together.

Then we have Eylem, who we are introduced to as a reporter who turns out to be a spy. Lovely Eylem who starts out as a pain in Avci and the rest of the team's butt and then turns into their love/best friend. She is the bada** girl who can shoot a gun and take care of herself.

Then we have Su, Guler, and Nazli, all of whom, like Bahar, are mainly used to show aspects of war and civilian life that are impacted by terror. We get to see their love stories unfold which are cute and fluffy for the most part, although Nazli's got much more drama.

Season 1 and 2 were my favorite. It had it's flaws but I didn't really pay much attention to those because they were largely overshadowed by how good it.

Season 3

This season was my least favorite. But that's because the first two seasons left such a high bar. Season 3 was still excellent, but there were more noticeable problems. The first problem, is that Yavuz was isolated from his team. I'm not saying I didn't love him being a spy and taking on the bad guys all lone wolf. But I love him when he's leading a team, and you can tell that's what he loves doing. His scenes with the other team members when they go to him for advice are my favorite. He's their leader, and it's very obvious that's where he feels the safest and the most stable. They bring him security and sanity. By himself, he's still awesome and charming, but with his team you can tell he's unconquerable.

The second thing I didn't love was the virus plot. I get that it was designed to bring him and Darya close and have them share this secret, and about her making him want to live. But I wasn't such a fan. When they first brought it up, and he was suicidal and wanted to die, I thought that was a great line to follow up on, but then it became so much about the love line between him and Darya and giving Darya a reason to interfere in his life that I was iffy about it. This is not about Darya bashing, I just wish it wasn't a plot line. Although, I will attribute the bad decisions Yavuz makes this season to being in delirious pain from the virus. While they don't really show it, it's established that he's in constant nerve pain and is losing his senses, so I'll say that the bad judgment he shows on the occasions where there are any are due to the virus. Because I'll be honest, there were some occasions where my only response to something Yavuz said was "Ugh. you dumb bitch." I'll let you figure out which moments those are. I'm not one to blame the woman for the man being stupid, so I won't blame Darya, I'll blame the virus.

The third thing, not to sound judgmental, is Darya. It's not that I didn't like her. As a love interest, if it was just about her inspiring him to live, I would be okay with it. But with the whole, she's chasing after him to find out whether he's a criminal and not giving up about it even when they are in a relationship, I just thought was... uggh. A lot of her reactions to him are based off intuition and not actual evidence (and she does that a lot in other respects as well) and intuition is good and all, but having him followed, or questioning people he talked to and what not just hit me wrong I guess. I didn't love it. And while she wasn't wrong, it all felt very distrustful and problematic for a future relationship. I mean, she was so determined for him to be guilty. Even when the evidence was showing that he wasn't (which obviously he was guilty, but she didn't have evidence to prove it) she kept chasing it, even while she was in a relationship with him. DON'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM IF YOU'RE GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO PROVE THEIR GUILT! Don't go saying I love you to someone and I want to be with you while going out of your way to send them to prison. And I know she gets over it but I mean, why start the relationship like that. They could have started later, they should have started later. There was no reason they had to be in a relationship right away. I'm sorry but I'm very upset about this. Why does she deliberately sabotage her own relationship. It's not even about how she was right, she knew there was a possibility of other reasons, but she ignored them. She didn't want to believe anything other than guilt. Now I'm not saying Darya should be deprived of her own story and agency. I guess I'm just saying, I wish they hadn't rushed the story line with them. They could have gotten together much later than they did, it would have been better for them and for the audience, who was still mourning Bahar.

The fourth were the villains. Season 2 Derman was much more villainous in my opinion. He committed much more heinous crimes and managed to kill many more people. That said, Linda was a fucking nightmare. I was so frustrated with her the entire time. So she did make a wonderful villain. I did enjoy that there was a bigger cast of villains the third season, and that they were getting picked off one by one by Yavuz and the team.

Finally, the fifth problem was . . . well the characters are much more emotional this season. You know, true, not without good reason. Yavuz is very obviously traumatized and so are the others. Ates and Kasanli especially were very much driven by their emotions this season. And you'd think they'd learn from their commander, but apparently not. I accept that they aren't robots, but this season, they make most of their decisions led by their emotions in situations where in previous seasons, they would have been more level headed.

What I loved this season was Eylem and Avci's relationship. They blossomed this season and for the most heartbreaking reason. Avci's death was a punch in the gut. I hadn't cried that much since Bahar.

I loved the new team with Kopuk and Turan and Yavuz. While I missed him with his OG team, these three had great chemistry and bonding. I loved their scenes together.

Romance

Now, the romance of the show wasn't a major aspect of it, it was mostly about brotherhood, family, patriotism, but romance did play a good part. (Side note: This is one of the best stories of brotherhood and friendship. They are so supportive of each other!) Throughout watching the show, I've had a few thoughts about Yavus's relationships that I want to write down. The romance: (SPOILERS) When I think about the relationships Yavuz had, I can only describe it like this. Merve, to Yavuz, was like a meadow, sweet and airy. His love for her was briefly shown, but we saw his grief all of season 1, and to me, his grief was like he was drowning in an ocean. And that ocean becomes slowly rain when he meets and falls in love with Bahar. He still grieves Merve, but Bahar gave him friendship, and companionship, and love, and he opened up to her in a way that he hadn't done before. It wasn't about passion but stability. He wasn't drowning anymore, he was on solid ground, with a light rainy mist. And then when Bahar dies, it's like a drought. He's not nourished anymore, there is a great weight sitting on him and he's collapsed. And then Darya, she's like a warm fire. He's not scalded by the heat anymore, he's just warm now. I say this because after all the pain, he's never over the trauma. He never loses the love he had for his past relationships. They are still there, but the pain changes, people enter his life that make the pain less unbearable and give him renewed hope. Something I love about the series is that he doesn't fall into relationships to heal himself. He finds purpose in his duty and his country so he can heal, and the relationships he has shows that he is open to love. (And this isn't to add any toxicity, but I just want my opinion to be known... I love him with Bahar and she's my favorite).

Concluding notes

Anyway. This was an amazing show! I loved it. I didn't feel like I was suffering through it at all. Very much recommend.

Please see my other reviews.

[tenshusuto]

@solitariusdeluna : The ban was lifted, the visored went back, if this is not enough for him why didn't he go back? Is it because like Love he had no where to go back to now?

There are more reasons why Kisuke halts himself from returning back to Seireitei. His interest in soul society dried up with exile. In the world of the living, he established himself new motivation, ambitions, and peace. I can't exactly relate his reason to Love's, but ... well, let's take a look at some options he would likely pick if he ever thought about coming back. First. Where would he go? There are several places.

12th Division ( Jūnibantai, 十二番隊 ) without question is certainly the first place he would go, except -- Mayuri. Two of them used to create some amazing things together, but that was in past. When Mayuri was still fresh out of prison and with no real option but to adjust, take what was given, and wait for his turn with S.R.D.I. Kisuke claims they are on good terms, but they are actually very questionable and he knows it. Would Mayuri accept him back when he can barely handle his presence for 5 minutes straight? And it's obvious he wouldn't hold the same position as before now that Kurotsuchi finally has his hands on Gijutsukaihatsu Kyoku. As someone, who is not accounted Captain anymore, he also wouldn't necessarily want his return to be linked with stealing someone's position. The question is what position he would hold? He knows his ways around Mayuri, and with little aid of his witscraft, he would likely try to bargain himself a spot back at S.R.D.I. but according to how his experiments with Hōgyoku went ( and I am certain Mayu-chan is displeased with the fact Kisuke kept knowledge of its existence away from him ) Mayuri wouldn't let the opportunity slip past his fingers and would likely assign him somewhere where he would constantly be under his watchful eye. As much as I would love to say that Kisuke would gladly think about restoring old cooperation ... at some point, he would, but he can't confidently say he would be welcome there. And if you have a choice, why would you risk your newly obtained freedom and go somewhere when you're unsure about that?

2nd Division ( Nibantai, 二番隊 ) Then we have the former affiliate. A place he knows profoundly and which used to be his home for decades under the patronage of Shihōins. But the Captain there is now /Soi Fon/, a boulder in the way who never hid her open disfavor about his character because of all drama that happened around Yoruichi; and not just that she just dislikes him, in general. What is the probability that she will accept him? Very unlikely, and if she miraculously would, it's not like Urahara himself would be worried she the angry bee would make his life a living hell ( oh, she sure would) - but she would also be in his way. And Kisuke certainly does not wish to strain himself with extra hassle of shedding a tingle of pinching sting on his nape over and over for independent deliberation of his choices ( like he used to do during Yoruichi's Capitancy ) & daily scheming how to prevent that from happening; including some drastic scenarios because he knows that anything less than drastic wouldn't work. Something for laugh: ( paradoxically I love Soi Fon so much and lyrics from Chamillionaire's Ridin' seem kinda accurate here lmao ; They see me rollin', They hatin', Patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirty. Imagine Soi Fon hiding in the bushes with gleaming eyes. sjdhjshd) There's nothing scarier than wrath of a vengeful woman. Ok, let's see next.

4th Division ( Yonbantai, 四番隊 ) Then we have Yonbantai? Yonbantai. Very sensible optimal option if previous plans failed. In fact, I don't see him having a problem with Isane or Unohana. Needless to mention, he would manage to find himself a spot there quite well because his skills in medicine are pretty ---'humbly speaking' ... solid, but predominantly he is a scientist and inventor, not a medic; I want to emphasize this ( and this shall also heavily feature in my headcanons and storylines ). It is only half compensation for the field in which he originally excels ( he's a genius but I can't make him perfect and he needs flaws too and I chose this one to be one of them ). However, it's kinda sad ( xD ) that you have to think about an entirely different Division to which you have not been connected anyhow except for tight ties in terms of cooperation between their fields.

5th Division ( Gobantai, 五番隊 ) A place conducive to success because Shinji's back, however, absolutely unfitting for the growth of his potential and abilities. Or perhaps? But at this point I can even hear Shinji's voice: 'you know I'd always welcome you here, but ... what do ya exactly imagine doing yourself 'ere, Kisuke?' ---- And in something, he has point. We don't have that much information about special duties of 5th squad except their members seem to be multifunctional and skilled in most things, and it contains Confinement Gaol. Therefore, if Shinji wouldn't let him scheme himself things on loose foot, he could ugh be something like Special Detention Cell supervisor? Or either occupy himself in Kidō recording / developing. Well, something like that, plus/minus.

That much if Kisuke came and went about several Divisions as he would if his fortune is good. With heart cold within him and burdened with tales of grief.

Everything twirls around one and the same thing: what would he do there on basis of interest. Not in terms of rank he doesn't care about them being high or low, he's very selfish in the aspect of responsibilities as he dislikes being responsible for anything else than himself, and with exile, it only deepened I fear.

Being a creative little goblin Kisuke sure wouldn't have that many issues occupying himself with various requisites while his capabilities, experience, intellect, and resourcefulness would make him eligibly desirable in most Divisions ... just - he himself is not sure about that. Mainly because he's not sure he wants to do things that he doesn't like anymore.

Besides, if I omit that Soul Society is militarized, and ridiculously overloaded with paperwork ( whispers: paperwork and inserts *scared Kisuke face* ) there are still remnants of old salt he was unable to scrub off himself regarding the Gotei system as a whole and management of central 46. It doesn't matter to him if the Visored went back. If he came back thither they would lead him to forced sacrifice he does not want. Still so - he is a firm believer that with Kyōraku in the head position, some things have a solid chance to improve, and he overly tries to ascend above it, but at the moment, it's still difficult for him on a subconscious level to draw a thick line over the barrier he is not prepared to cross.

Years of the past are perilous when you start from zero, now, he has more than zero a foundation to build on. Finally, there's no one in a higher position above him than himself, yeah, there's no luxury anymore, and he has to work his ass off and gather resources, but he has freedom; and that's the factor all luxury in Soul Society can't beat. Frankly, Gotei seems unanimous with Kisuke that having an 'ally' out of SS is not a bad idea. He traded Seireitei for Karakura and made it a part of his spider web where he is content.

Staying in the grey area as an independent freelancer, who can jump between two worlds with as much time as he wants dancing and whistling at his own whim with no one telling him to stop, is just much preferable than exchange his newly discovered freedom for a 'cell' you can't willingly leave. Chain days are long gone, Urahara Kisuke obeys commands only of Urahara Kisuke.

A fief-no-longer discovered an opportunity where his heart kindled with independence, thus it came to pass that Urahara forsook his ultimate idea of returning to Seireitei.

[angelsvoice1love]

Finding love in you

You were shocked when you saw Jin, with a big basket of snacks and a bouquet of flowers when he arrived at your home.

Y/n: Jin...what is this? You asked, as you rubbed your ichy nose.

Seokjin/Jin: Well, seeing as you haven't been feeling well...i thought I'd bring three of your favorite things.

Y/n: Three? Jinnie, I only see two.

Seokjin/Jin: Third place is the snack box, second is the bouquet of flowers and first place is me. He said, as he blinked to be cute.

Y/n: Oh...well I would've preferred something else, but I guess you'll do.

Seokjin/Jin: HEY! You started laughing which caused him to shake his head, while placing down the two items.

Y/n: No...being honest, I'm really happy that you are the most important item to come today.

Seokjin/Jin: Come here. He ordered you as he placed his hand on your forehead. You are a little warm...have you been taking your medicine?

Y/n: The ones you insist I use? Yes, I have.

Seokjin/Jin: How about today, we binge watch some k-drama's?

Y/n: You'd like that?

Soekjin/Jin: Yes.

You both sat down on your huge comfy couch, as you started watching Welcome to Waikiki. Enjoying the drama, you started to get cold and snuggled into Jin. Laying your head on his chest, you smiled at his heartbeat that increased.

Y/n: Jin?

Seokjin/Jin: Yes?

Y/n: Can I stay like this for the rest of the night?

Seokjin/Jin: Yes. He replied, as he pulled you closer giving you a peck on the forehead.

Jin fell asleep as he held you in his arms, a while later the rest of the guys came over to see if you were okay only to see you on Jin's arms.

Hoseok/J-Hope: What is going on here? He asked, as he woke up Jin.

Seokjin/Jin: Shh. Jin whispered, as he got up laying you down gently.

Yoongi/Suga: I'm actually confused as well.

Seokjin/Jin: I brought over some things, I gave her, medication and we watched some k-dramas then she fell asleep and so did I. N...nothing really happened. He said, as he rubbed his neck. Please be quiet, I don't want y/n to wake up.

Jungkook: Fine, we'll be quiet. We also came to see if y/n was feeling better.

Seokjin/Jin: Why?

Jimin: Because we're her friends.

Namjoon/RM: And she's my cousin, that gives me the best and most perfect reason to be here. Don't you think?

Seokjin/Jin: I...maybe, I guess. But it's not necessary for you to be here I can take care of her myself.

Hoseok/J-Hope: Really? And why exactly do you want us to leave so badly? He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Taehyung/V: Yeah. What's the deal?

Yoongi/Suga: I know. It's because he likes her.

Everyone (except Jin): You what?

Namjoon/RM: You like y/n?

Seokjin/Jin: Yes. Okay, yes. I think she's the most amazing girl I've ever met before, and I'm crazy about her. He replied, as he looked down at the floor.

Jungkook: Guys, I think we should leave.

Taehyung/V: Why? It's g-o...hi y/n. V smiled awkwardly as he waved at you.

Jin froze in place, as he swallowed hard all the other guys didn't know where to look since this was very uncomfortable.

Y/n: You like me? You asked, as you walked closer to Jin, as you placed your hand on his shoulder.

Seokjin/Jin: Y...yes. He answered, as his head still hung to the floor avoiding eye contact.

Jimin: Come on guys, let's give them some privacy. He said, as he shoved everyone out of your apartment.

After the guys left, Jin made no movements as you came closer taking his face in both your hands as you guided him to look at you.

Y/n: Jin, how long have you liked me?

Seokjin/Jin: For a while...since our third year together.

Y/n: You've liked me since the band has been together for three years?

Soekjin/Jin: Yes. I never knew how to tell you. I wanted to so many times, but I was too afraid of losing you if I did tell you.

Y/n: You should've told me you idiot. You said, as you slapped him.

Seokjin/Jin: Ow. What was that for?

Y/n: You idiot, if you'd just tell me than I would've told you I felt the same.

Seokjin/Jin: B...but our age difference at the time wasn't-

Y/n: My parents wouldnt have had a problem with that, I think the reason you didn't tell me is because you were scared of what Joonie might think and say.

Seokjin/Jin: True. But I still do like you.

Y/n: I like you too.

Seokjin/Jin: Can I kiss you?

Y/n: NO! You replied fast covering your mouth.

Seokjin/Jin: Why not?

Y/n: I don't want you to get sick.

Seokjin/Jin: It'll be worth it. He smiled, as he gently took your hand away from your mouth leaning in and gently kissing you.

Y/n: D...does this mean you'll take me on a date?

Seokjin/Jin: Yes. So...5 years between us is okay?

Y/n: Better than okay.

Seokjin/Jin: Good to know. He said, as he kissed you again.

[heretherebedork]

ALRIGHT IT'S TRIAGE TIME.

I've got my instant tom yum ramen with veggies and shrimp, seltzer water, an open window and TRIAGE. Let's do this!

@absolutebl Imma make it happen!

I am not a huge fan of time loops but I will watch a lot of things for BL that I normally wouldn't...

Alright, anyway, gonna start with a cut because I think Imma do a live react.

I already like these doctors. I love medical settings, y'all. It's true. Growing up on M*A*S*H obviously did something to my taste.

I already like Tin. And this hospital. But also lol title drop. Triage!

Already enjoying the medicine in this show, tbh. It's definitely better than Dear Doctor in those terms.

Ooo, the choice!

Look at that! A doctor who understands the concept of death and accepts it! Whichever medical school he went to was much better than the one Prakan entered.

Ah, yes, the issue of prioritization and triage and how it works and the personal issues of doctors and the way other doctors view it... very interesting.

I do love Tin. He's great. He's just out here doing his best and trying his hardest and now he's gonna pay for it. But also all his friends are great. Why must everything be about head doctors, though?

First thought: time stream police! Must correct the error!

... I don't like time loops, y'all, but I am watching this anyway. Time loops always include so much secondhand embarrassment and awkwardness and have been promised a good time but I am very worried nonetheless.

Oh, nothing, just me finally realizing where I recognize Tin's actor from more than 15 minutes into the show and a check on MDL. I like him here a lot more.

But also gkldfsh time loop time loop time loooop suidfohdsnhg ugh this is the part I don't liiiike. The first realization is always the worst. But it's still interesting, at least.

Tin is so much better than Phap.

I already love the time security officer. He's my favorite character. I've chosen him. He's mine.

He's doing things differently and taking charge and still failing, bwuahaha.

Also this time loop isn't giving him a lot of time to do anything in it.

This is quite well cut and I'm enjoying this, no denials. Despite not enjoying the entire concept I'm giving this is a chance.

Awwww, a kitty named Zebra! That's adorable. What a cute little kitty YES I WILL FOCUS ON THIS.

I do like going to show what his life should/would be like without this time loop and then oooo, the PAST.

There is exactly one ringtone in Thai Drama.

Man, there are just limited ways to film a car crash and none of them are good.

Poor Tin. Baby. But also, like, this is why relatives don't treat relatives. At least he's better than Prakan, even if this hurts and aches and breaks him so much.

Ah, the lesson of saving the kid who drove drunk despite a drunk driver killing his sister... is this gonna be about organ transplant as well? Because, if it is, I might laugh.

Yeah, sorry darling, no amount of staying awake ever works in time loops but also yeah you're definitely still trapped you just got more time this... time.

Which is good because it was definitely needed.

lol yeah just show up at his university and tell him he's gonna die. A+ planning. Brilliant. That's... that's great. lol Who would ever listen to you?! Absolutely no one.

OKAY.

that almost broke me I snickered so much and next episode looks like I'm gonna be cringing. But I believe it gets better.