#don't mind me :)) just being very self-indulgent atm

[suspendingtime]

KATE & ANTHONY BRIDGERTON [2/3] BRIDGERTON 3.01 ‘Out of the Shadows’

[luneariaa]

got several nanami drafts atm actually, so i just decided to post this one first,, 💛🌻 very much self-indulgent.

minor mentions of wound/blood, fluff ending.

. dividers by @/cafekitsune !! 💛

"Kento-!" You call out in worry towards your fiancé, and onto the clearing of the area-- where previously, cursed spirits can be seen roaming around aimlessly. Now that most of them are being killed off, the place becomes a bit more safer.

Nanami's line of vision would shift instantly; looking over your fast-approaching figure with such worry in his eyes.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?" Was his first question, when you were about to ask the same to him.

You shake your head reassuringly at him, gently grabbing ahold of his arm once you reached closer to him.

"I'm fine, don't worry-- your arm is bleeding!"

The blonde-haired male goes silent; his expression changing to a rather grim look. It was then, he realized that there's a quite long cut along his left arm; perhaps it's deep, even. It's staining the sleeve of his shirt at this point.

He sighed a bit as he finally spoke, "Don't worry about it. It's just a scratch."

"No," your voice changes to a firm one. "We need to get it bandaged."

You begin to lead him away further by tugging on his uninjured arm. Nanami knows that he couldn't protest anything; not when you look so, so concerned over him.

His brown eyes would observe you instead while you took the lead, and his gaze became softer on its' own. Even his facial expressions become slightly more relaxed knowing that you are there with him.

It's as if you're the only thing that keeps him safe at this moment. His surroundings being ignored, and you are his main focus.

"Sit there." You ordered in an almost quiet tone as you motion for him to rest up at the spot. Then, without hesitation, you cut a certain portion of your lower clothes that you're wearing with the small blade.

"This should do."

You gently put a pressure to his wound, which causes him to flinch slightly. Even for temporarily, this should help.

And all the while you're doing so, he has his gaze locked on your form.

Once you make contact with his wound gently, Nanami flinches slightly, which causes for you to mumble a string of apologies.

"Sorry.. But this should help for now. You have to see Shoko soon."

He doesn't mind; not at all. Slowly, he lifts his other free hand up to your face, gently removing some strands of hair that's been covering your face as you concentrate still on the task at hand.

Despite the pinkish tint starting to cover your cheeks, you didn't let it distract you just yet.

"And done!" You exclaimed in a bit lower tone after the pass of a few minutes-- standing up straight after and doing a little stretch. "We should head back now."

Nanami didn't answer, but instead, merely nodding off your words while grabbing ahold of your hand after.

"Kento, sometimes, I do wonder.."

"What makes you choose me as your partner?" You broke the silence that's been lingering in the air during the walk still. And having no specific topics to talk about, but you wanted to end the silence as well.

He looks taken aback by the first question that you've decided to ask. But even so, he will always remain loyal and true to his words.

With the gentle grasp of his hand with yours, he responds calmly. "From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were the one for me."

When his eyes gazes down at you for a while there, you return the eye contact with a glance.

"How so?"

"If I'm being honest with you.." He softly breathes out, "You're everything that I ever wanted. Surely, you have some flaws here and there to others, but to me, you're simply perfect. I couldn't ask for more."

"I do not regret my decision to marry you soon, even the slightest."

And in all honesty, he just seemed to fall in love with you more and more deeply; in every single passing day.

"And I can't wait to call you my wife, that's for sure."

His words of truth have already brought tears to your eyes, clearly being touched by every single word he has spoken. No other man has loved you the way he did.

Nanami took notice of your incoming tears, and stopped in his tracks for a bit-- gently holding onto your shoulders to make you look up at him.

"Look at me." You obeyed, slowly gazing up at him as were told.

"I love you, alright? Don't ever forget that, and I will keep loving you until my last breath."

Less to no people are around that area where you both are at, so it makes it easier for him to express his genuine feelings. He needs to let you know.

The last words made you smile, eyes not leaving his own. And your eyes-- they seemed to shine in adoration as always at him. You love him so, so much, and that feeling seems to grow even more.

You squeeze his hand tenderly, the smile remains on your face. "And I love you more."

"No, I love you more," he chuckles in amusement. "You can't convince me otherwise."

"No, I do more."

You pouted at him, who's refusing to let you win at this mini battle.

"I love you, the most. End of discussion." Nanami remarks once again with a smile, beginning to take a hold of your hand once you both continued the walk. You knew for this time, you can't win, knowing he is very much persistent with his answers.

And by the end of the day, you both just love each other so, so much. Very much that it hurts sometimes.

Nanami Kento loves you so much that it hurts so good to him.

© 𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚜.

[sorcerous-caress]

Don't worry I'm definitely not rushing!! There's so much content and I'm still learning- stuff like wizards and warlocks scare me since they seem so complicated so I've been using Karlach and Lazael since they seem more straight forward for now. Astarion is definitely my favorite playstyle though- I've always loved Ninjas so being able to do 2 bonus actions is...*so* nice! Yeah- I can't say I'm surprised at the fixation 😅

Admittedly, I do absolutely adore him and am looking forward to writing for him; already have a fic in progress in fact- but I've seen a very similar thing happen to another character where he's either made entirely negative and insane or entirely positive and has to be "protected" when it's really a mix of both. Some parts of fandom I think are just like that 😅 Glad I found here and other more indie blogs who focus on npcs and niches though too so I get a wider variety!!

I'm so weak to being patronized and being talked to all condescending like and I just imagine this mean, bully male drow just targeting this crybaby Human in camp. They try to act all tough, but the drow just knows they're being a brat so he'll put them in their place. He's so damn *mean*- and he only gets worse when they run to their camp mates for help, or to hide. He steals your diary, telling you to "come get it" in a note he leaves them and they have no choice but to reluctantly leave their camp mates tent to go into the forest. It's dark- and even with their weapons, the Human's hypervigilant- but they still get taken off guard. Pulled back against a tree by their fragile little throat. Reading their most personal thoughts to blackmail them- ugh. Their crush in camp- how desperate they are, maybe even their secret kinks and desires? Gods, I'm so weak.

Oh God- or imagine a Human who's *scared* of the dark? Or a Drow who makes them scared of the dark by constantly frightening them during it? The predator/prey dynamic? *Please*. Also, self-indulgent(like all this *isn't* lmao-) because I'm sick atm and can't take large pills but Drow watching a Human work themself up to taking the medicine and just- taking it himself and then kissing them to force it in their mouth, not breaking it till they swallow, purple fingers dragging down their throat to make them shiver and raise thier shoulders. You've ruined me author. I can't do this. 😭 When I transfer my side blog to my new main blog I may have to write something for this dynamic because of you. So glad I could make your day a little brighter like you do ours lovely! Thank you for all that you do, as always! Sorry this is so long- the writer inspiration hit out of nowhere lol ❤️ -S

Fuck yeah ninja Astarion, let's fucking go!

That sounds wonderful anon, feel free to share your fic whenever you're finished <3 I'm sure it will be amazing.

And god yes, you get it, the whole human kink thing. Especially how condcending the elves would be with it, fuck especially the drows who already think they're above other elves.

Like maybe the other species keep their restraints a bit while in the party with the human, as much as their mind runs wild, they attempt to show some decorum and dignity. Only act like the perverts they are when the human isn't watching.

But once the male drow joins them? He's picking on the pathetic little human on his first day. Pulling and picking at your clothes, asking if humans really just walk around wearing slutty clothes all day?

He probably gets off on tormenting you, reminding you how he's hundreds of years older than you so you should shush your pretty little mouth and let him do what he wants, afterall aren't you humans so obsessed with showing respect for age? Then show him the respect he deserves whenever he pulls you on his lap, out of the blue and without a care to whoever is watching.

It's like second nature to him how casually he demeans your entire being, everything you ever hoped to achieved he probably has already, every place you wanted to see or travel to he has already seen, most historical events you read about he has lived through himself.

So in every way, he tells you that he clearly better than you. So don't go whining whenever he steals your diary and taunts you with all of your embarrassing secrets, or whenever he takes something precious from you and make you beg for him to give it back.

He teaches you some words in drow elvish, excepts they're completely not what he told you they meant. Watching you confidently call yourself his personal slut when you thought you were saying something else. Refuses to give you his name, makes you use all of these titles that are so humiliating to yell outloud midbattle, but he won't help you if you don't use them so poor you.

[jackienautism]

please share your self indulgent aus 👀

fdjgdjgkg 🥺🥺🥺 to be honest w/ you i dont really have too many in my arsenal... as many as id thought id have i mean. but ill go through the ones i have now / remember from past interests! most of them aren't necessarily self indulgent just as a heads up... some are more practical than others though

//

the quarry / until dawn:

this is just at the forefront of my mind (since i tried making stuff for it today, it didnt work very well) but i wanna assign the TQ / UD girls / characters dog breeds..... i do have solid ideas / thoughts for the girls specifically but i think i waanna save it for it's own post / keep it a surprise

do not hurt me but ever since last summer i thought it would be sooooo cool to put a like. danganronpa spin on TQ / UD dkndkg LIKE LIKE.... itd have the danganronpa mechanics and stuff but not necessarily the killing game premise you know? itd make more sense if i like explained my ideas and such but i also think i wanna save it for later.... but know i have a shit ton of thoughts on what i wanna do and stuff dgkdg i WILL say however, protag!laura and protag!sam respectively

i wanna make this like... immediate swap of the UD characters w/ TQ charas ... like. emily woould swap w/ kaitlyn, jess w/ emma, sam w/ laura, ashley w/ abi etc etc. so instead of kaitlyn and dylan at the scrapyard, it'd be emily and matt at the scrapyard ya feel me? the same events that happened in TQ will happen but theyre just. w/ the UD characters instead

and speaking of... ive posted / talked abt this briefly but i have SOOOO many ideas for a UD / TQ situation swap AU... meaning the UD guys are in a TQ environment... and oh man do i have a ton of imo HELLA COOL AND EPIC ideas for it... i just gotta flesh things out more thoroughly and come up w/ "chapters" i suppose. ive got giant general ideas and some already solidified scenes but. thats kind of it. im super excited to work more on it though. it is my Child

this one is DEF on the sillier more self indulgent sidde but since i love drawing characters i love in diff styles of games i like... i wanted to draw the TQ / UD charas in the fire emblem style... which then lead me to. what if ijjust assign them classes and shit? i don't know which game id necessarily base the AU off of but. at the very least id just assign them fire emblem classes and create designs for them and stuff. that's always fun

speaking of games w/ sprites, this isnt reallly an AU but i reaaaally wanted to draw like sprites for the TQ / UD charas and rewrite / recreate scenes as if the game were a visual novel... so theres that

and this one isnt an au and i maaaaay have mentioned this before on this blog i cant remember BUT ANYWAYi had this dream a year ago w/ the UD charas and it just. yeah it spiraled dfgjnfdjg it began as this very warped AU of until dawn but as i began developing it more, the more realized that it just... it wasnt worth calling it an AU? like. ive been putting too much work and EXTRA extra stuff ve4ry much outside of UD for it to be considered an AU... sooooo i took them and made them my own characters and made it my own original story LOL its been almost a year and a half since i began development but its still faaar from being finished. i have a BUNCH of ideas and shit, but i def still wanna like. organize things a bit more before bouncing shit off of others. but yeah. i stole the UD girls and made them mine

TQ / UD GIRLS IN THE MEAN GIRLS MUSICAAAAAAL... i've only thought abt which roles the girls would fit since i rlyonly care about them buuuut maybe itll become more fully fledged as time goes on (it probably wont) but atm ive assigned both TQ / UD girls as mean girls musical characters :]

UD GIRLS PERSONALITY SWAP!!!

UD / TQ FUSIONS!!!!

//

other:

i was REAAAAALLLY into life is strange in the fall of 2021... hold on post on hold i can't believe its coming up to 2 years since i first watched my friend stream it. fuuuuuuuck. anyway. i had this life is strange in the fire emblem three houses universe AU gdgjnf like. the LIS charas were in FE3H and were in the diff houses and stuff. i didnt have too much of it fleshed out but i had this idea for rachel and max with rachel basically taking the role of sothis and oiiuggh i still love the idea so much

also had a danganronpa in a fire emblem three houses universe and vice versa... and for these i had more ideas for the DR in the FE3H universe AU for some reason. i think coming up w/ classes and backstory was easier for me idk. i remember having this whole thing written out.... i actually have a whole doc if anyonne is interested.... its real old and bad though so i probably wont share it publicly but 🤷 we'll see. came up w/ most of the ultimates / talents for the FE3H guys... didnt come up w/ much more than that however. i think coming up w/ whos gonna kill who + motives + murder details was too much for me to handle. hence why i dont have tooooo much w/ this AU. i really do want to go back to these one day though

also had a persona 5 in a DR universe AU sort of. despite my very limited knowledge on P5. i only really thought about ann and shiho's role in the AU and let me just tell you it does not end well for either of them ]: but the idea i have is so GOOOOOOD

this isnt an established AU or anything but i had this idea to like. randomly select 2 of my fandoms and attempt to make an AU out of it. i think that'd be fun

RESIDENT EVIL SWAAAAP AUUUUUU GOSH I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS AND YET NONE AT ALL. I WANNA WORK ON IT SOOOO BAD I LOVE IT SO MUCH

AU where claire teams up w/ ada instead in resident evil 2. i had this whole day dream sequence for it. hopefully i still remember it i rly need to get it down. i deeply care for them both. my ideas rock

//

i think that's everything? for as much as i love resident evil im kind of shocked there arent more. esp since ive had the fixation for like a year and a half now. maybe there will be more to come who knows. ill def add more if im reminded of some / more come to me later on

[icybrry]

purge

silco x reader

tags: huge tw for ed themes, vomiting, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, praising and compliments, silco kinda having anxiety, crying, a lot of comfort, silco being soft for u <3

this is totallyyyyy not self indulgent, but joking aside if you don't think you can read about ed's atm that it completely fine!! your health is very important to me!! ily you're perfect! take care of yourself!!! - berry

-

silco knew as soon as he met you that you struggled with consumption. he monitored you, but tried not to stare so you didn't feel uncomfortable. when he confronts you about your declining weight, you break down; and he vows to keep you stable, support you.

he praises you every day, in private; he has to look tough as a kingpin. he also finds himself complimenting you so much more, pressing gentle kisses over the spots your self conscious of. silco helps nurse your mental health back to a stable place, and you love him even more for being your anchor.

today was very different, silco could just sense something was wrong. his anxiety creeps up on him, and he drops his work; searching for you. just like how he was your rock, you were his, when his anxieties and trauma shook him up you were there to hold him; tell him sweet nothings as you shower him with affection. silco adores you, so so much; he had to know if you were okay.

"my love?" silco calls, you weren't in the bedroom, you weren't in your reading spot, no one had seen you. he was worried sick. "y/n!" he tries to keep his voice content, not wanting to scare you too badly if you were fine; but he couldn't help the fearful underlines in his voice. the bathroom, it dawns on him, and he feels his heart jump into his throat.

silco strides over, grasping the door handle. "my love, open the door.." he mumbles, rattling the handle a little. your sniffles could be heard as he presses an ear to the wood. "my love, i'm here. please open the door." silco doesn't like begging, but he is desperate to hold you; comfort you. it was overwhelming him, his mind is screaming with awful thoughts.

"sweetheart, don't make me break the lock." silco warns, pressing the door incase you unlock it. you were just crying, he couldn't hear any movement. "i'm coming in, okay? stand back, darling." silco steps away, his boot meeting the wood. the lock splinters the doorframe, but it opens and silco rushes in. "darling." he lets out a small breath of relief. you weren't hurt physically as far as he could see.

he checks the bathroom, and spots traces of your vomit in the sink. "oh, darling.." he crouches beside you, bringing you to his chest. "i didn't mean to.." you hiccup, hugging him tightly. "it's okay. it's okay, don't cry." silco purrs, gently rubbing your back to soothe you. "i was trying to brush my teeth- it just happened and i couldn't stop it- i'm sorry!" you're clearly distressed, it pained silco.

"shh. don't apologise, my love. accidents happen." silco brings you from the bathroom, shielding the sick from your view. he could see some vomit stains upon your hoodie's sleeves, probably where you had attempted to stop yourself. "let's take this off and have it cleaned." silco lifts the fabric over your head, trying to keep the sleeves away from you in case your stomach was feeling sensitive.

you put on a new hoodie, letting your lover tuck you up in bed, kissing your face a few times before leaving to get you a drink. your tears were drying on your cheeks as you anxiously chew your sleeve, settling into your shared bed. "i've brought you a small snack, just in case." silco sets the breakfast bar down on your bedside table and hands you your favourite drink. "how do you feel, my love?" he sits beside you, pressing a pale hand to your forehead.

"i don't know.. almost ashamed, maybe?" you frown, leaning into him and resting your head on his shoulder. "there's nothing to be ashamed of, darling. you're only human." silco purrs, pressing a kiss to your head. you hum, sipping your drink as silco settles on talking about his day to get your mind off of things.

you listen intently, always adoring when he told you about his day, love hearts in your eyes. "it turns out, he was lying. i'll deal with him tomorrow." silco sighs, and you hum to let him know that you're listening. one of his arms had instinctively draped over your shoulder, letting you cuddle into his side. silco continues, and you finish your drink, putting the cup on the bedside table next to the snack.

eventually, you had began to doze off, snug against his side as his arm encases you. silco didn't realise, still rambling to you. eventually he got onto the topic of work, talking about shimmer and the doctor. "what do you think we should do, darling?" he asks, looking down only to see you fast asleep. silco smiles, kissing your head gently before laying down with you. with the two of you lay in bed, you latched onto silco; arms fastened around his torso as your legs link with his.

silco wasn't tired, so he decided on laying with you until he fell asleep. "even when sleeping, you're still gorgeous." he kisses your lips ever so gently, smiling when you sleepily kissed back. pulling you in closer, silco lets out a soft sigh, he felt all his worries washing away. you truly were each other's lifelines.

[rsmrymnt-tea]

「 🐳 」

it takes some figuring out and a willingness to maybe be at least a little uncomfortable and very vulnerable.

even more confirmation that dolasach definitely fits the bill for “#1 satan appealer” and “#1 validator of whale anon's TEDthoughts” !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

i find that using multiple forms of symbolism to inspire character creation, especially if you take inspiration from animals, makes workshopping feel so much more effortless? too much of it can cause one to spiral and lose sight of who their oc is when they direct their focus molding them into the symbols rather than the other way around. like you, i think it's just so much more easier to let things be instead of forcing myself to fit a status quo.

tbh with you i didn't even mind that you didn't stick with the assignment of only explaining dola's feelings! as someone who is notorious for being able to shamelessly lore dump and engage in oc conversation up to 7 hours on and off it makes me feel a lot more relieved knowing that other people are willing to go above and beyond the assignment they were given 😭 (/pos).

although, this is also my weakness when it comes to sending in anonymous asks ;w;; i want to say so much but i must do it in a way where it's comprehensible and condensed instead of giving you 38924923 paragraphs, which i can only wish i could do.

and i mentioned this before (or maybe it's buried deep in the response im typing up atm..) but it warms my heart that there's also someone who has difficulty explaining their mc in brief terms!!

i often get stuck between “ah, so you only view my mc on a surface level despite all the information i've given you” and “this is a good conversation starter for someone who doesn't know my mc”. the other day i teased someone into telling me who they believe would be the most likely to be romantically paired with my mc, and i had such a visceral reaction to it that i didn't know whether to be offended or to outright laugh .. but i just?? couldn't blame them??? like yeah i get it on paper it seems like my mc would be romantically involved with simeon but holy shit she would not have a good time if that were that case KJNDFKFJS

the way i present her to people is based on what others have told me once they've gotten to know who she is from her youth up until her late twenties (and soon to be, accidental immortality that has been creeping up on her from before the story of the devildom began . . .), is something that i've come to realize really isn't the best course of action skfnkskjf so i'll be using you as my guinea pig i hope you don't mind 🙏

which is why i think it's taking so long for me to respond? i'm trying to present you all the important details in a condensed manner, but even then, it isn't enough (｡•́︿•̀｡) but i'm not one to give up i think it's pretty fun lolol [side eyes my two self-indulgent 40+k fics that are purely for her most important relationships]

back to our beautiful dolasach! the way mc is presented in-game sends sickening chills down my ribs and forms a tight knot in my stomach, so whenever i see issues rising between other mcs and the obm cast i get really giddy! it says so much about them, from how they choose to behave or respond, to how much they choose to say . . . aaa what a dream come true <3 and it's exceptionally rare to find a mc like yours and i mean that sincerely. it's not often you see an author dive into the ugly parts of a character and still make it not inherently beautiful, but rather make it feel bittersweet.

and i really adore how you mention immortality because a while ago i went on a “what does immortality mean for immortals but specifically solomon because i said so and not in the way where he grieves but in the way where his traits have over-ripened and his relationship to trauma has become over-developed” spiel and it reminded me of something i wrote so [gently hands you this]

Is this a flaw of immortality, that everything transient seems so frail by comparison, that you’ve lived so long you’re weighed down by the memory of everything that has passed before, that you find it impossible to just live, to let things be?

and after all of the posts i've stuck around for i don't believe i've pieced together what dolasach's goal would be? there is the situation of separating themself from the identity that is inherently attached to her parents, of becoming satisfied in general, of redemption for herself . . . hm! ＿〆(。。)

also i took a peek at your TEDthought of dolasach's name and all i can say is that hi hello that is a perfect parallel to satan who wishes to separate himself from lucifer and it also makes sense that she'd have another name for when she becomes immortal <33 a start of a new era, one that she will mold herself.

agsjsha Honestly I’d be disappointed in myself if Dola was suddenly not that compatible with Satan after making her just for him 😭

Big agree on having many places to pull inspiration from as something that makes workshopping easier, but not fully relying on them to shape a character. I like to think I take just enough to have some sort of loose guide for where I want Dola to be? Of course my process isn’t perfect since I tend to self-indulge often (like with me being adamant about Dola getting her immortality from Thirteen purely because the original Dolasach is a necromancer with a specialization of reaper) and I can’t really be sure that I’m keeping my own OC 100% in character all the time but you know. Real people aren’t 100% in character all the time either <-personal copium lol

I also think I tend to shift the canon characters’ personalities a little to make things a little easier and more entertaining for myself? But I will defend myself by saying that it’s not like game canon does a stellar job of keeping it’s own characters in character. And also I just take issue with some Choices™️ >.> ehem.

Anyway anyway >.> Semi-rant about game canon aside—

You 🤝🏼 Me -> not being able to keep things short. There is too much I want to say!! And when enabled and given the impression that someone gives a shit I will overdo it lmao >.> I also find that I figure things out better and faster when I’m using someone’s ask to rubber duck. Something about having to actually present my ideas to someone makes it easier to decide on what I want and where things should go, which tends to make my answers really long because I prefer to present everything in the form of actions, feelings, and thoughts more than simple description.

Personally, I don't actually like having to describe Dolasach in single, simple adjectives? Or any character, really, much like how I personally do not enjoy being asked to describe myself in five words during those stupid questionnaires and interviews for school and employment. I don't find it easy to find the right way to describe someone because I think people are too complex to simply leave it at a handful of adjectives, even more so when everyone's perception of a description can end up wildly varying.

So pls omg, don't worry too much about perfectly presenting every single thing about Godtongue to me in the span of one or two asks >.< I will inevitably misunderstand or miss something, which will just have you spend more time clearing things up—it may be better to show me small snippets at a time until I get a solid enough idea of them to work off of. It's impossible to truly condense someone into a few simple paragraphs when you know them insanely well due to having created them dfgkjh and I also don't want to frustrate you when there's things I don't get after you've gone through all the trouble of trying to figure out the perfect way to introduce more of her to me.

Because even then, I feel like because we don't think exactly alike, I'm not going to land on something truly to your satisfaction in just one or two exchanges. Literally every take I have on both Dola and the OM cast has taken a while to reach, and all the times people have told me I've been accurate with guessing what their OC/MC would be like have all been educated guesses that I'm shocked I've gotten right; I am fully expecting and also prepared to be told I'm wrong each time I post something about what someone thinks their character's relationship with Dola would be like tbh and I welcome that fully).

So like!! Don't worry about your response too much nonnie sdfhjkdg I'm not forcing you to rush, take your time; but know that I think that we'll get somewhere faster with getting to know the similarities and differences between Godtongue and Dola if we have a discussion? ;w; Especially if I'm going to be your guinea pig for trying out different way(s) of presenting her, because contrary to what a lot of people seem to think here, I'm not actually that smart when it comes to learning about a character >.>;;

Anyway uh, back to Dola?

I'm honestly so super flattered that you think all that sdhjkd Like it makes me feel like I'm doing something right with writing Dola, y'know? Because whenever I write her I tend to hope that I'm showing people someone very flawed and very human. There is plenty that she struggles with, and I don't want people to think that those struggles are in any way beautiful or to be romanticized. Bittersweet is a nice way to put it, yeah. I think there's something both wonderful and horrific about how she goes about trying to make the most of her life throughout the eras of it because honestly, I don't think she has any major long term goals beyond just trying to have a happy existence.

You mentioned not having pieced together what Dola's goal is, and I'm assuming you mean a long term overarching goal that bears some significance and influence to her actions overall.

The thing is, I think many of her goals fall into place throughout the course of her very long life. She does eventually find an identity separate from her parents both as a person and as an artist—something that becomes easily the more of her life she lives away from them (and also, well, spoilers but they die before she's 40 so she definitely outgrows them in many ways); she eventually becomes a sorcerer of high enough skill to stand alongside Solomon and even excels beyond him in certain fields; she eventually even comes to terms with accepting that allowing oneself to breathe will not undo all the work she's done. Like, she does reach points of satisfaction throughout her life, but it doesn't exactly take very long until there is something else that she wants, something else that grabs her attention and points her to direct her efforts and growth towards whatever it is.

But in immortality, I think she does eventually run out of things to aim for. I mean, the most impossible thing out of everything she wanted to achieve actually turns out to be possible—where does she go from there?

Is this a flaw of immortality, that everything transient seems so frail by comparison, that you’ve lived so long you’re weighed down by the memory of everything that has passed before, that you find it impossible to just live, to let things be?

The lack of anything to aim for does eventually get to Dola. There are definitely times when she struggles, like really struggle, when it comes to dealing with her immortality. But she refuses to call for death and die. She knows there is nothing for her after death (or at least thinks it—I may or may not do something with the demon!Dola AU who knows) and still finds a lot of joy in simply living her life with her found family. There is still plenty to learn, plenty to discover.

In her crisis I think it occurs to her that perhaps she must imagine Sisyphus happy. And it's a strange change, but is enough to keep her sustained in between the times when there is nothing grand to chase.

(Of course, I think there is a goal of some form that she doesn't quite recognize in the form of a devotion to the one other human who understands what she's going through. Like, as much as it feels weird to admit on here, even though she and Satan have been through so much together and well, even though I made her for Satan, in the long run I think it's Solomon who becomes a source of major comfort that Satan just can't offer because immortality is inherent to him and his society. Solomon is human with a much greater capacity for empathy than Dola has, and has been through the some of the worst of immortality already all alone. And when humanity ends and the earth is consumed by what was once the sun, and the Devildom has offered asylum for the two, it just... Bonds them together in such a crazy way. Idk.

I mean, she still loves Satan with all her heart and the two have a special bond that is completely different from what she and Solomon have. But it's hard to deny the differences, and I can see the two tearfully discussing their feelings regarding it in private at some point far down the timeline of Dola's life. Btw I don't think the brothers + royals ever die unless killed. Because I said so.)

Ah, re: her name tho! I don't think it's ever an intentional choice for 'Dolasach' to become the only name she's known by over the years—it just happens. In my head half her family all go by similar single-word aliases when working, and some of them also choose to just introduce themselves as their art alias because they like the sound of it better. Fully think her father's side started the tradition with like, the great-grandmother and then the next generation, then the next, then until Dola and her cousins. I don't think there's any deep reason as to why she started introducing herself as Dolasach either cause I fully believe her father + his siblings all helped pick out possible aliases for her and her cousins to choose from at some point and she thought 'Dolasach' sounded best and started using it everywhere that didn't need her legal/birth name. From there it just stuck as she doesn't really see much difference between her as an artist + her as herself.

Is it weird? Kinda but idk, they're artists that's my their excuse lmao

(Before I end this very long answer, I like to think that this is where Satan and Dola's problems with their identity differ. I think Satan's stems from not wanting to be thought of as a mere fragment of Lucifer and a deep dread of any confirmation that that's all he is, that his efforts are inevitably pointless because his origin means that his life will always revolve around the fact that he was born from Lucifer's wrath; he will always be less, he will always be linked, he will always be questioning whether he is merely the part of Lucifer that loathes himself personified. Dola's issues stem from her knowing she is different and wishing so desperately that people would see and recognize that. That the fruits of her labor stop being attributed to being part of her family that she loathes and dismissed as something inherent to her bloodline. She's also sick of being seen and used as a gateway to accessing her older relatives because it makes her feel like no one gives a shit about what she does.

I guess in short, I think Satan's battle is more with himself because I honestly think he's likely already killed everyone who's so much as whispered about comparing him to Lucifer so mostly, the main voice left belittling him the most is his own (and sometimes the brothers I guess, who seem to endlessly favor Lucifer more despite Satan being considerably nicer and more active in helping them out on the day to day?); Dola's battle, least by the time she's in the Devildom, is more with everyone else, and that's why she was able to help Satan deal with his issues. She's already been through the whole 'am I just them but shitter/what is my inherent worth/who am I without them' ordeal and can help him to some extent, at least.)

[postwarlevi]

Sorry in advance for writing all my random out of order thoughts! Overthinking below the line!

I've been thinking (uh oh) I love writing and sharing for Levi x reader and have lots of ideas and write based off how I'm feeling at the moment, but sometimes I'm not motivated to write anything. I'm sure this is normal.

Switching over a bit, this contributes to me neglecting my modern AU Levi x ofc that I started writing before I even joined tumblr. So many ideas and the fact that I write all out of order mean it feels like it will never be done.

Honestly the few times I've ever tried to write a series it's never been finished. I think it's cause I don't want it to end, exactly, so it kind of just keeps going? Even though I like all the scenes (one is debatable atm) I've written so far, some are not really needed, but I guess that goes with my love of fluff.

Technically some of it's already been posted and I realize I should stop doing that. Partly because things are heavily edited to be stand alone (Iris) and make way more sense within the story (With You) or actually take place with a completely different character (Star Seeker) and if I ever do share it people are gonna be confused as heck. You'll know the whole storyline plus the entire playlist haha.

So maybe I should write a little less on tumblr and a little more for the story for a while?

But see, as I say that, I'm still doing what I have been, ie writing a road trip scene, which will also be in the story. I guess that's okay cause it's not written out for the story yet so it should be pretty different. If a stand alone idea happens to fit in the story it'll still show up in some form.

I even have the beginnings of ideas for an entire month of short fluffy prompts or relation first prompts! (which lets face it will be fluffy) or even some best friend Jean shorts.

Since there's already some ideas in the works, for now I'm going to try to continue both, possibly just a little slower for a bit, and we'll see what happens.

Theeeen I get in my head, are people even interested in a Levi x oc fic? A lot of it isn't even centered on Levi (for a while, at least) but OCs relationship with everyone.

Also, I feel like my habit of not being very descriptive will show a lot too, but most of the time that's just how I write. It's not bad, just hopefully, okay. As mentioned I started it before tumblr so to be honest am writing it for me, but still want to share at some point. Is this what self indulgent writing is? I guess that's what most of my stuff id though :/

A lot of things are outlined even if not written out, so maybe later on I'll share a bit of the plot...or maybe not since it will never be finished *cries*

And THEN I think I should just write anything as it comes cause sometimes my mind gets overwhelmed with ideas (and every day life, actually) that my brain goes quiet and I accomplish nothing!

UGH! Kay thanks for listening!

Hope all is well! :D

[quixoticrobotic]

Craps I write a couple asks but I don't think they made it :'(. You're rad. I love everything you make about the Margaret Makes Things Weird AU, "self-indulgent" or not. And you have great taste in music--you've inadvertently introduced me to a bunch of great bands. (On a similar note, actually, do you know any good recs for non-romantic or friend songs? Or bands that do a lot of those?)

IM SO GLAD EVERYONE LOVES THE MARGARET MAKES THINGS WEIRD AU, and thank you very much and i cant think of too many friendship songs? i usually take advantage that people automatically assume songs are about romance even when they arent explicitly? i get a lot of mileage out of that. like for example people use Boats and Birds as a shipping song a lot but ive always liked the idea of it being about the relationship between a parental figure and child? theres a lot of mountain goats songs that can easily be contextualized as platonic friendship songs. the first one to pop into my head is Animal Mask, then theres Color in Your Cheeks (which. technically is about drug use but if you ignore or dont pick up on that its a very Power of Friendship song), then theyres You Were Cool, and like probably 40000000000 othersand if im making something upbeat and abt platonic love ill probably listen to Loose Lips by Kimya Dawsonthats all that springs to mind atmalso i tend to take lyrics out of context a lot just bc my brain works in song lyrics. like i associate “I wish we’d met before they’d convinced you life is war!” with partnerfriends a lot bc it fits from either of their povs even though the song thats from is from a musical i cant even watch bc triggers and has jack shit to do with comic nerd + gun friendship