ironic but depressing: carry on is almost entirely about simon and baz preparing for life after watford, living longer than they expected to, breaking free of thecycle, and yet i still struggle to imagine them actually being out of watford and kind of find the blandness my brain conjures more depressing than the trauma
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My paycheck for two weeks was only 180, in which a hundred goes to rent and the rest goes to some food for the house (Which, again, turns into maybe only getting to eat once a day.) and then some things for when kiddo gets here.
I’m. Really tired. I’m trying not to get in a Bad Place over it so I don’t worry Martin but fuck. I’m legit the most useless, shitty burdon and all I bring is shit. Why can’t I be soft and sweet and make things better instead of ruining everything just as soon as things are getting okay. What the fuck is wrong with me. I should just stay out of peoples lives so I can’t bring anyone else down with me like a goddamn black hole
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oh i don’t think i mentioned but i had a comp yesterday and not only did my partner and i win our division but we won the trophy for “excellence in kata” which is like. a big thing because it’s the first year it’s been awarded, but it’s also super bittersweet bc it was named after an instructor in our area that i was somewhat close with who died last year
so yeah, gold medal, a big ass trophy, a mini trophy to keep once we hand the big one back next year, and 15 more points towards my black. a pretty good day i think, even with having to wake up at the asscrack of dawn
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Anyway I deleted this, but I pretty much stand w/ c*smic’s response re: the thing this post was abt so
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a boy: big plans tonight?
me: haha maybe idk yet
also me: *opens buzzfeed quizzes page*
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If I ever do that again I'm gonna kill myself I'm never putting him through that again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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my boyfriend probably thinks i'm gross and weird for being like this a lot. ugh.
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being stressed about forms you didn't know existed and then being yelled at for said forms like this is fin e
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I’m so done with everything. I’m tired, my anemia is just worst every day and i think that my brain is dying. I just want to cry because everything hurts and annoys me.
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tgimf (thank god, it's mark foster)
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literally the worst part of today is that there’s now a version of my post about steve with an anti-steve comment on it
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