#dont know when thatll happen though

[playingonedchess]

how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me

[arolesbianism]

If I ever do get properly into dst character modding I like have to make an oni character mod at some point, but the issue is Id want it to be an Olivia mod so bad but also Nails is as far as I'm aware the only legal character name wise and as such it feels like it has to be them, y'know for the bit. But also I have already written too much Olivia dst dialogue and I need an excuse to use it damnit

[motherforthefamicom]

this ended up super long but i still wanna share cuz why not so uh putting it under a readmore. sorry in advance (its just some rambling abt an animation thingy im making)

actually though speaking of that animation i didnt even expect myself to like actually start it yesterday but i just.. kept making progress XD

probably had smthn to w me trying a completely different process from what ive normally done for like.. pretty much as long as i have been animating now that i think abt it

normally i just make them in chronological order which is Not a very good idea but i was always super intimidated by the idea of blocking things out beforehand for some reason so i always just drew things as i went along and hoped i remembered what my plan even was (never animated much long stuff so this wasnt too big of an issue for the most part which probably contributed to me sticking to that approach for so long) but with this one i kinda wanted to draw finalized stuff in an actual art program (for most of my life ive only ever animated on fucking. scratch. cuz i started doing map parts n stuff as a kid on there and now its kinda the only thing that makes sense to my brain.. more recently ive used ibispaints animation thing but really only for short loops.. i hate doing big stuff in strict frame by frame it drives me crazy) so i kinda avoided working on it for a while after i got the idea but yesterday on a whim i decided to open up turbowarp nd like super roughly sketch the Basic Idea of what i wanted it to be and then i started coding in the timing and i kept adding frames and now i have a nearly complete skeleton of the animation if that makes sense..

on the one hand it feels so cool cuz i have so much actually just. done. and the concept is much more solidified. ive made a lot of progress. but on the other hand.. my coding skills kinda suck and i skipped over two little segments cuz im still figuring out exactly what visuals i wanna have so now im worried my timing will get messed up when i add that in (i think the way i have it organized is okayish especially in comparison to what ive done in the past but it still isnt great) but then also.. i feel like it just wont turn out very good idk. like in all honesty this is one of the more ambitious animations ive tried doing in YEARS that ive actually made decent progress on but even then i still have so much left.. some of my sketched out stuff turned out weirdly really good nd im worried itll be lost when i actually draw things out properly and then on the flipside some of it is super jank in a way i cant totally tell of the frames just dont flow well or if i timed it out poorly (i dont use actual framerates its awful i just tweak the wait time between frames until it looks good) oh god okay this is getting stupidly long uh ill just cut this off here i dont really know what else to say now XD maybe ill actually go work on the damn thing

[gamblersdoll]

𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓵𝔂!- 2

the words with the question stuck out more than anything. ‘are you in a relationship?’ rung through his head for weeks at a time. he could have just said no, but then, couldnt it be disrespectful to you?

shit, now he sounds delusional since you aren’t dating him.

he sat in his office most of the day, just pondering on the question and the fact that he couldnt even respond right. he also fucked himself bad when he clicks on your ‘Instagram’ and sees you in your pretty bikini top.

only just the fact you had your arm around some other man, who just so happened to be a classmate. no biggie right? couldnt be.

yet, he kept staring at you. he stares at the birthmark right on your sternum, the small birth mark in your arm and throat. he’s seen them before, but its so much different now.

shit, he was off the deep end for you. and the whole thought process of how youre only a little bit younger than him, and the scandal he could put you in since you were in a mentorship with him. he needs to save people, he wants to. yet, he’s debating on if they mean that much like you.

he also hated how hot it can get in japan, weather sitting at a ninety nine degree temperature at night. both you and him were patrolling since tokoyami was underage and couldnt be out.

thank god that he brought water though, the good kind at that.

“so uh, how was the beach, little one?” hawks mindlessly asked, looking around while you did the same.

“it was fine, it was just somewhat crowded and hot. i dont even know why i went.” you say, you reminded everyone that depending on what temperature it was outside, you could go. heat wasnt one, you hated it.

“ah, well, it is a beach.” he replied back, gathering himself back next to you. “any fun this weekend?”

“i dont know yet. probably not.” you say, shrugging it off and walking beside him. the cool breeze goes through your hair, you sighing in relief that you could at least feel it through your clothes as well.

shit, she’s free this weekend? he thought to himself, ever so occasionally side eyeing you to see if you were looking at him, were you looking at him? no. damnit.

his hands get sweaty in his gloves, him feeling like some highschool kid in love with the popular pretty girl who just so happened to give him a chance. he clears his throat and looks away from you to see anything else.

fuck, you were actually shorter than him, so you were actually a little one… which only turns him on more. he wasnt a big build, but he was still somewhat bigger than you.

“you wanna.. grab something to eat?” he asked, pointing to the ramen shop up the street and smiled. “its on me this time since you basically saved my ass yesterday.”

but you practically saved him in general.

“yeah, sure!” you say, cheerful that they’ll have so much air conditioning inside the shop. plus, youre craving a good ramen.

he also gathers that you do a little ‘happy dance’ when you finally get food. you wiggle side to side in your seat, a relaxed sigh in your throat and, your mood increases. do you even know you do this? probably not. shit, you probably do, you do this just so he can say something about you.

the fuck is wrong with me? he questions that daily, and he can only think about that one question until your body spray wafts into his nose, causing a dopamine rush to his brain and he has to stop himself from his eyes rolling back into his head.

fuck, was he some damn addict?

there’s hints of some fruit, he doesnt get what though. he also smells coconut and now hes only curious, pausing on eating his food. hes gotta know what it is, he had to. he cant just ask you because thatll seem weird. it seem creepy for your mentor asking what body spray you use.

was he actually going to find a time to sneak in and find out for himself later?

[theosconfessions]

It's 10+ years in your sims future. Where are they at that time compared to where they are right now in your story?

omg this was a good one. and ive been thinking about it since i seen it during work. thank you for sending this to me love. although i cannot say for certain this is how things will go down...i have some things in my head that would realistically happen.

Theos old now. hes not so great at keeping up with his health/medications as is. in ten years i see him rapidly declining [unless he starts taking care of himself cough cough which he needs to cough cough] he puts on a good show but that doesnt last for long. UNLESS. he makes a turn here.

I see Blake and Riv figuring their shit out and just being happy. Maybe having a few more kiddies besides Teddie. Honestly theyre so fucking cute together .and they never fight. which is refreshing bc man. some of my babes.

Scarlett ....... i guess we'll see who wins the bachelorette challenge haha! ..[and if she ends up pregnant by the end of it ] shes harder to read because im in the final four in my gameplay and its REALLY close. one place i know she wont be is with Sid haha! i do see her healing from that though.

Dustin.... is as hard to read as scarlett. and ill tell you why. its because of Theo and its because of Finnie. One thing he for sure will keep doing is his ghost hunts though. they make him so happy. he does want more kids but the twins are a lot to handle. so i dont know. maybe when theyre older.

Finnie is my new love but hes going globetrotting. HOWEVER. he wont be gone for long and will be back in theo and dustins hometown in no time. :)

Robin is my uncomplicated girlie. She sees all the shit that Riv and Blake went through and shes like ill have none of that. i want to see her happy without someone being a total punk ass to her.

marlee still wont leave jami alone and vice versa so i suspect thatll continue.

idk. this really gave me some thinking. thanks love !!

[spear-gsun]

I apologize for another prediction question, but with the information and themes from this chapter added onto February's, how do you think this might end? What will happen to Satori? Will she be punished by the oni or Mizuchi? And for that matter, how will Mizuchi mix in with the rest of Gensokyo? Will she just, give up when Reimu faces her? Or will she just be allowed to rampage more because the only alternative is a greater evil that is the lockdown?

It's alright, always interested in discussing this manga with people!

So, in this chapter, we finally get to see the other residents of the Palace of Earth Spirits. It seems like Koishi and Okuu are still on Satori's side, but weren't informed of the lockdown. I'm really interested in seeing what those two are gonna do, if theyre gonna run into Mizuchi and Yuugi, and what exactly might happen if they do. Perhaps Mizuchi and Yuugi will try to get them on their side by explaining the situation, or maybe they think Koishi and Okuu will stay loyal to Satori no matter what, who knows. This manga has had a big emphasis on how much and how little the characters trust eachother, so i feel like a confrontation like that would be cool yknow?

Now the other half of the chapter with Parsee and Yamame. The Former Hell Restoration Lockdown is very interesting, another thing to add to the huge amount of Former Hell lore we've gotten recently. I'm not really expecting it, but i think it'd be cool to hear more about the process of Satori moving in and taking over Former Hell. my fingers have been crossed for some sort of flashback chapter to back when Mizuchi was still alive, perhaps we could get something like that for Satori when she first came to former hell as well, though i highly doubt thatll happen lol

Since Yamame and Parsee dont seem to care very much about breaking the rules of Former Hell, maybe theyre gonna team up with Mizuchi and Yuugi soon? Cause i'm still so set on the idea that Mizuchi is gonna gather a bunch of allies from Former Hell with the help of Yuugi, hell, maybe all the spirits protesting was encouraged by those two? We'll just have to wait and see

Honestly i dont really have any big new predictions or theories from this chapter, feels like we still need like one more chapter of set up before we get into the good stuff. Like, we still don't know what the deal with Remilia and Sakuya's conversation was, and we still don't know the whereabouts of Flandre which i have a suspicion might be related to that thing with Remi and Sakuya. (though characters disappearing for a while and coming back later with nothing having happened to them isnt a new thing in this manga)

This was another good chapter though, continues to give me confidence that this manga will end in a way i like. I'm hoping that they'll be able to reach some sort of deal with Mizuchi that can give her some closure on her grudge. I want her to have a happy ending

[2haetls]

do you have any mugi headcanons?

uhuh, nsfw and sfw if thats what yer askin!

☆ hcs with tsumugi aoba

sketch info, nsfw + sfw, dom/sub hcs, romance, semi cringe/bad writing, character hcs, personal tsumugi/modern mugi, relationship hcs, gn reader/both genders mentioned, no pronouns used

SFW SECTION !

the first time the two of you met was at a small party between groups of friends. and you thought he was an asshole because of the way he spoke, but you later found out through natsume it's just him speaking his mind. "ah, you look horrible.." was the first thing he said, but it was true. honestly, you couldnt even be offended with how blunt he was, it was funny even..

dates usually consist of eating or watching movies, but at first, it was awkward. accidentally looking into eachothers eyes and looking away at the speed of light, eye contact wasnt really his thing at first. "we really are dating?.." your first kisses together were even more awkward, him staring into your eyes nervously, averting your gaze. and then it happens, your lips touch. and he tastes like sweets, its unbelievable. hes literally almost panicking.

gifts and going on dates are also in the picture if you suggest them, hes a good listener when he needs to be, and when you ask him to open up, he kinda, shuts down at first but i know hes gonna put in the effort in trying to make you feel better. trust is key to a healthy relationship. His honesty is also upped to a hundred, which is kind of worse, but it's nice to see how he feels about you and others. his self-depricating talks also bring up a bit of a concern, and you take it not with a grain of salt and end up talking to him about it and helping him feel less that way.

i know he would introduce you to his roomates and other acquaintances as well!

body hcs too, twinky tsumugi is for me, but its kind of a turn off in some ways!!!!! :/, hes got a decent amount of muscle, not too much, not too little. his legs are muscular though, like.. woah. step on me or sumn

ive got no more ideas for this section, soz!

mdni forr thus sectoons ahshgs

NSFW AHEAD, sex.. sex? yeah

i think he would choose to sub at first cause, yes, he's very pent up. i think he would sub automatically if you asked, fem or not. back to the first time, its extremely romantic and kind of heated, hes very touchy and gets into teasing you. also very vanilla the first few times unless either of you bring it up.

kissing, yes yes alot of that. he enjoys being on the receiving end of it, but will not disappoint if you wanna be kissed too. his dick is pretty big. it's pretty long and not too thick. his cum his salty, but has a sweet taste to it like everything else. hes very sensitive and his nipples get so swollen really fast its kind of concerning. i think tsumugi would lactate if he could, and thats where gnc afab mugi comes in!!! his chest as a guy is pretty large cause its mostly muscle, but afab mugis boobs are... yknow, huge. squishy and soft, and when he does end up pregnant or some unknown being comes and gives him the ability to lactate it is amazing, not just for you, for him too.

his milk is even sweeter. thats all ive got to say, dont wanna get too in depth about my love for boobs. Hes okay with somno and sensory deprivation, biting is also up there. his huge turn offs are cnc, and extremely public settings. hes okay with semi public, like under his desk getting support when hes playing games or getting work done, and hes good with his mouth when you need it too. and being tied up is one of the things thatll make him lose his mind.

subby mugi is the best, he whines alot, whispering in desperation, and exaustion. overstimulation turns him into a, yknow, slut? i dont know if thats the right word, but he goes crazy after cumming a few times. he even starts begging, literally pleading with tears in his eyes for more. hes a bit freaky and moves alot, explanation on the freaky part, i think spanking is one of the things he would try further in the relationship

dom tsumugi is even better, hes not exactly ruthless, but he knows how to do it well. like completing the hardest game on the first try without tutorials. again, hes very touchy and finds your sweet spots with extra care, focusing on your expressions and noises. he likes giving and taking backshots, but more romantic positions like spooning, if your a girl, closed missionary would be his go to choice when youre both tired, if your a guy, he gets more risky with double blindfolding and holds you even closer, his hands roaming everywhere that theey can reach.

dont know what else to add, again, soz..

an : this seems lazy and doesnt feel in character to me, i havent read most of the story cause im jp only, so sorry if this feels weird if i mischaracterized him, made sure not to get too freaky incase you didnt want it... i finished this at 1:15

[pleaseburger]

ok Im not gonna see my therapist for a while and journaling this feeling clearly isnt enough so now im gonna try posting about it online thatll help surely.

i constantly feel like the outsider in my friend groups but idk what to do about it. in my last main friend group we'd hang out together and play ttrpgs but they all talked to each other consistently remembered birthdays and did stuff together outside of our group hangouts.. i tried to let it not bother me but after i found out they had a second group chat without me in it something about that broke my heart. I couldnt believe them anymore whenever they did verbalize affection for me. it sucked so fucking bad. and then when I stopped running ttrpgs for that group they all predictably stopped talking to me one by one. whatever, I dont miss them anymore.

but the problem is that anxiety is still affecting me now. I try to reach out to my friends now and it feels like they want to speedrun the conversation, even though they clearly talk to each other. I happen to be in someone's city for weeks and even lunch isnt possible. they all remember each others birthdays, I know they know mine. idk. am I too abraisive? am I too much to care about? do I care too much about this?

Im perfectly capable of maintaining friendships that dont exist in a greater social circle, but it bothers me so much that in the context of a group, I get trampled over... idk, maybe my anxiety has damaged the way i see friend groups and im just not equipped to have them anymore until I can work through it in therapy.

[petewentzisblack1312]

ok so after some academic research through my university library i found that there is no research on the color vs black vinyl debate at all and it's entirely word of mouth, meaning it's a rumor and we should all just do whatever we want. also, i now know a little bit about the science of how to make pvc, and the powder dye particles you mentioned are so small that the difference shouldn't be audible to the human ear unless they put literal chunks of glitter or something in there or the process gets messed up.

lol but seriously, i saw someone make a really good point which is that we have digital music which is obviously gonna be the best quality, so audiophiles need to make peace with the fact that their physical formats (especially vinyl) are going to sound imperfect. obv that easy for me to say as a non-audiophile, but still, records are naturally imperfect and that's why we love them!

i'm still curious about this experiment to see if color vinyl actually makes any difference at all but the upshot is i'm still gonna by color vinyl if i want cause it's pretty <3

thank you for looking into it!!! my biggest hurdle is that i dont have access to jstor so its good to know that there for real isnt a study on this and its just word of mouth. its good to know that i can rule out particle size as a variable too! as i was looking into it it did seem like it was probably negligible. my research did indicate that conductivity does affect static levels on plastics though, and static does contribute to sound, and therefore theoretically black is the absolute best when it comes to conductivity because carbon black (the dye used) is very conductive. but if thats the case, then using an anti static brush or one of those anti static guns should fix any issues!

its so true that audiophiles are like objectively wrong that vinyl sounds better in any way btw like physically it simply does not and thats whats so good about it. and we have to enjoy the time we have here on earth with beautiful things like the blue and white splatter in clear pressing of fall out boys 2008 studio album infinity on high <3

something i should note is that if i design this experiment, i may not be able to actually carry it out! im just one dyke with no resources. ill hold onto it for if i get an opportunity, but its not something thatll happen anytime soon!

[goremet-chef]

vent

i was talking to my grandma and she mentioned the bag on the bookcase in the room shes staying in, and reached for it kinda playfully like obviously not seriously and she said "its artemis" and i jolted my hand back so fast i nearly fell backwards into the door

my brain like.. seized up for a moment

any hopes i had that maybe just maybe she was still alive is obviously crushed to bits now

i hate when she talks about that stuff like im supposed to feel okay with it. i know shes old and shes lost A LOT of pets so she knows how to cope with it, but ive only really lost like.. 4 total

the problem is that those are the only losses i feel? when my family members die i dont feel sad and i dont really mourn, just kinda.. dissociated for a bit and i make sure to be easy on my family when theyre mourning yknow, but i guess thats cuz i think animals dont deserve it, cuz they dont

to me theyre the purest life, because they dont have a mind to hurt people (minus like. dolphins 💀) it tears me up inside because out of anyone, it shouldnt be them

but everything dies. im STILL coming to terms with that

i would have dreams about my grandma dying when i was younger in like. INCREDIBLY violent ways and i woke up next to her and asked her if she was gonna die, and she told me not anytime soon

i was like... 7? maybe? when that happened, 13 years later and im still coming to terms with it. i remember i was on my other grandmas bed in tears when i was 9 because i realized everyone was gonna die and it felt so unfair

it still feels unfair

ive spent my entire life terrified of when i might go, and it keeps me from living at this point. wont ever get on a plane cuz if i do, thats the one thatll decide to crash. never go on a boat because a storm will kill us and ill die in the worst place possible. wont meet new people cuz they probably will kill me, wont eat something if i dont know what it is cuz itll probably kill me, etc etc

theres no.. like theres no point saying "wow i wish death didnt happen" because everyone wishes that. this isnt a unique fear, but man it feels like no one around me is as scared about it as i am. i have to look up like "how to stop being afraid of death" online and its so. it feels as embarrassing as looking up how to talk to people but i need both of those

it didnt really help, though. still terrified, still waiting. yknow how it is

[quirkybisworld]

Men

I love men, sometimes. I have such a complicated realtionship with them though. Ive never dated one ever. I used to get huge crushes just by looking at one, but now i dont. Then they never like me back. If they do like me back its either too late or i dont feel the same anymore. One time i was talking to this man. He was cute and very sweet, but it was to rushed for me. I did get a crush on him but it was too rushed for me. Everything was happening to fast for me. He would ask me out and really try to get with me, but i always declined. I was also going through a lot. I feel like im always going through a lot though, but i truly was at this moment whether i saw it or not. My friend approved of him which was good. No matter how hard i tried to get myself to date him, i just couldnt. This went on for about a month until my friend said i should jsut be honest with him and tell him that i am not going to date him anytime soon. So i did. He handled it very well, and said something sweet probably, but we would still talk as friends. Later on he tries to get with me again, im pretty sure, and again i declined. Even more time went by and i was manic. I felt like getting a boyfriend cause again manic, i get very spontaniase. So i asked him out. He said idk. Remind you lots of time went by and lots of things happened. So he wasnt sure. HE wanted time to think. So i gave him time to think. We talked and he thought. A couple weeks later he gave me an answer, and the answer was no. I felt bad. I was very depressed too at this moment too. I didnt talk to him after awhile, but i wasnt rtalking to most people. Then one day he unadded me. I have tried to reach out and everyting, but i cant get a response. My friend made me unadd him on Facebook recently. I noticed soemthing about me. I would only ever date if i truly have a huge crush on them. It also get sscary on how much i would do for them if that means i can get together with them. Other times liek this man for instance, in have a hard time dating. I dont talk about it much. I have to really resally liek them for me to date them. I get so scared. My dream is to be good friends with them before i date them, but thatll be hard to do. I dont quite know what it is, maybe it is commitment issues? I have no idea if i have that. I get scared to lose my independence too. I have gone so long without a relationship that i am so independent now. This isnt a cry out for soemone to date me cause that is NOT what i am doing at all lol. Im jsut ranting for when i do get into a relationship, this stuff i just really wanted to vent was all, and share my weird thing on relationships and men. Thankssssssss i also wanted to rant about that man grrrrrrrr. Also this other man i really want to rant about too but im bored of this so byeeeeee

[the-ark-awaits]

aa hopefully this isn't weird or anything but I saw you mentioning hair care/general care tips in a post and I was wondering if I could get your advice? (feel free to ignore this if you want! no pressure)

I was never shown how to do a lot of that stuff but I've figured it out other than hair care? I don't know anyone with my type of hair (I don't know anyone I'm related to or ethnicity so I can't research through that) so I just kinda tried to figure something out.

I have straight hair that's really flat and refuses to work with products put into it or with hair curlers. I can't put conditioner in because it makes my hair even more oily. I can go at most 2 days between washes (and that's stretching it) before my hair is so oily that it looks physically wet, like I dunked my head under water.

Do you have any tips or advice or anything? I've tried rinsing my hair with just water between washes and I've tried to condition my hair to go longer between washes but there's never a noticeable effect.

Sorry for the length, and thank you an absolute ton for any advice/tips/whatever you can offer. Hope you have a good week :]

youre fine! sorry im a bit late getting to this, i have family around.

so, to start, my hair used to be almost exactly like this, and for me it was a result of puberty, but how i delt with it was only putting conditioner on the ends of my hair, and after my hair was clean and dry i would put preemptive dry shampoo. thid unfortunately kinda sucks when you have dark hair, but they do make dry shampoo for darker hair.

you might want to look online for some shampoos and conditioners specifically formulated for oily hair, though if im honest for most of middleschool i jist used prell (dont use that if you have colored hair itll strip the dye, its a very stripping shampoo)

if you have a good period of time to try it, try setting up a routine where you shampoo maybe once a week and give your hair and scalp time to get used to it, this helps some people but youll know your hair best. try conditioning before you shampoo also! weirdly this helped me, i think because it would hydrate my hair ans then wash off the excess. ill you do this, condition all over not just the ends.

also maybe try using cooler water, hot water also drys your hair, and at least for me, i tried to strip the oil from my hair like really aggressively, and what happened was my hair would produce extra oil to compensate which resulted in my hair just being greasier.

try also cleaning your hairbrush, regularly change your pillowcase, and getting one of those silicon scalp scrubbers, there could be build up on your scalp thats making your hair oiler faster. but yeah i would mostly look into products designed for oily hair, i think thatll help you a lot over all! i also personally found the grease easier to handle after i cut my hair really short, though only do that if you want to.

other than that, next time you go to get your hair cut, assuming you go to a salon or barber, ask who you go to for some more specialized advice since they have a better idea of what your hair needs and might be able to point you toward some products thatll fit you best

best of luck anon!

[sugoi-and-spice]

saw your writers guilt post and am in the same boat (except way less prolific lol) and wanted to say that like. ive been subscribed on ao3 for a really long time and acc started rereading play nice this morning. theres nothing thatll really make me less excited to get an update from you, but as a fellow writer that has a Really Really hard time ever getting myself to write (and i never finished the one fanfic i actually worked on, i deleted it and promised to rewrite and want to and keep telling ppl i will but its been almost 3 years lol) i know that like, life happens. when you can you can and when you cant you cant, and when you do you should be proud.

it would be nice if we could like become inspired, and choose how to channel that inspo at will and always put it out whenever, but idk in my experience its never really worked that way.

i like when you update, but also i know youre a person who has a life and i dont expect you to pump out entertainment for free when you like. have a social life and bills and need to eat and take care of yourself along with everything else

i understand the sentiment but also you shouldnt take demanding readers comments to heart, most of us just want the best for you above all and the content is just a bonus

Ah man, this is the sweetest message ever, thank you so much for the solidarity.

You know it's interesting, I don't know where the guilt comes from. I've actually been really lucky to not really have any demanding readers. (And even crazier, no harassment based off of the content I write). It's all pretty self-generated imposter syndrome, tbh. But all the support I get, and particularly this round of support I've gotten from my writer's guilt post, it makes me really excited to keep writing, even if I know I may never get to write all the ideas that I want to write.

I hope you do post your fic though Anon, provided you think doing so will bring you joy. ❤️

[oneaneonly]

i would say most things that plague them are avpd and bpd related, not dissociation. i feel like they are relatively “fine” but they do not ever feel happy nor okay and they dont really want to live, so if nothing happens theyre at Most content. just surviving, fine. the issues arrive when avpd or bpd stuff happens. i feel like the former is more … constant. and the latter less so, but a lot more fiery. well, actually its both. because its like theyll be criticised or corrected and then go away and not eat because they feel not worth it. or consider trying to die or whatever. or other things, i dont know. another issue for them is their ocd but only sometimes. its like most things are only sometimes

most things that they experience are like sleeping monsters. and then you stand by the monsters and they attack. the things that affect their life the most or at least the person they are, to me, is avpd, bpd, autism, and the dissociative amnesia. id say they agree

there are mini micro triggers and threats that cause big things. like, autism for them does not like a lot of loud sound. if they could live on their own they may be more stable, because there would be less sound. part of the reason they are the way they are is theyre permanently exasperated because the autism does not like that there are people in the house who make noise, and then theyre stuck. if they close doors, leave, wear headphones, etc everything has issues. whether it be others or theirself. they sleep in headphones (autism and ocd reasons) and they dont like to because they dont like how the headphones feel, so that isnt resting. plus its loud. so everything is still, for lack of a better word, “traumatising” for the autistic state of mind

that is a horrible and dangerous baseline threshold to be in especially with everything else because either that or everything else is immediately last straw. time and time again theyll see something upsetting, and then hear at the worst time the piano playing. now they are in hell, they cant cry if they wanted to because physically its slightly impossible and well they dont want to, they cant scream, they cant really do much to navigate this. and even if they tried to “regulate” the issues are still around. its like trying to calm down when the room is on fire. how. when the room is literally on fire

triggers often include being told how bad they are at things in any way, moralistic language in any capacity, hearing people talk shit about others, i dont know there are a lot of them. they have to wear their headphones to hear none of this, but then theyre overwhelmed. it seems like everythings an issue. and it feels like everyone reduces their feelings to the fact theyre autistic as an excuse to not aid them. like You dont get this because youre autistic. rather than considering that their own perspective may just be plain wrong to begin with

no one is willing to accomodate them when things get weird. any accomodation thats unconventional doesnt get respected the same or is just something to get over. if they say something about this then it doesnt matter or whatever else. i dont know anymore

theyll never want to live, they always live for other people so they dont grieve and because they beg, and i dont think thatll change. thats been their life for nearly eternity. though, it makes them fragile in some places. they always feel awful as a baseline, more or less, so bad things make them feel worse. i cant say this all easily right now. im sure i stopped making sense some paragraphs ago, but the point is i think dissociation is an affect. i think dissociation is the byproduct of the taxing life they life. they probably need an escape. not sure how they do it honestly. i feel like the things giving them the most grief are the pds, but sometimes other things happen. i dont know, everything seems to Start there. maybe autism sometimes. but i wont know until a crisis occurs. i can barely remember and they are tired. so. dont know

4 29 24

[livecharliereaction]

Ill probably make charumiq2 for next ep for easier navigation for meeee But yeah thats done now thats um aaahahahha

- bernkastel showed up i am so happy. YAY! So many mentions of this lambdadelta i kind of thought shed be satoko somehow but im not seeing it rn well see when she shows up

- i rly hope the witches wont stay as only ????? characters n get weaved into the main story but guess what im like 100% sure thatll happen at least somehow but i dont know how. Miss bern said shed help me YAYYY! So nice of her

- i can rly see what ppl mean when they say it starts slow though it wasnt a problem for me bcs i liked the characters in the family already but i can totally see it being a problem for someone else Bcs like i knew theres witches. So theres the whole "ooh u think itll be a regular murder mystery but its fantasy" "is there a 19th person ooh" Well that just doesnt happen at all. However smth ive been noticing about wtc that although theres always secrets and thus always reveals theres SO MANY mysteries that the story doesnt rly lose THAT much if u know smth (But its still important to me that i get to know things in the order the author wants me to like in general so spoilers r still being crazy avoided...)

- i had the theory that beatrice was very young when kinzo met her and was traumatized by his "love" and then died and her spirit is sort of haunting the mansion but its not entirely clicking what that would be so im ditching it for now

- i know tea party and ????? cant be taken tooooooooo seriously but theyre the main reason i dont think that anymore See Im kind of doubting the existence of a human beatrice altogether. Sure bernkastel was kinda rikaing around but it seems too complicated to compare it to that so no way

- I still cant forget lambdadelta sharing some resemblance to satoko (from the shit that i saw BEFORE i was avoiding spoilers Im talking very very slight like rly just hair n eye color) but i feel like we wont see her in the next ep at all. Im imagining (hoping) each ep might have a new witch in it. I cant imagine the gold thing going all the way through 8 eps so... (Bcos What riddle takes that long.)

- Favs r still maria and natsuhi from the human side at least Like that didnt change. And i doubt it would I also like jessica a lot i do

- motherhood goes crazy Natsuhi and Jessica i could die and also marias lack of motherly love rips me apart

- Im very curious about the physics of this though or i mean like What now? Are we going back in time? If so how much????? Im kinda imagining its just kinda similar all over again but with different sacrifices each time but the ways that can be done r hmm. Someone else might try to do as the epitaph says and thus killing people but yeah.

- Not to be battler but if ep1 were to actually be a humans doing itd be maria (u know) natsuhi (absolutely not sorry for even saying it queen but she was running around w the rifle and all and had a lot of control over some situations) or kinzo (its easiest to believe that corpse wasnt really Him out of the corpses The toe thing isnt convincing to me but theres the problem of Ok whose body is it charlie? and i wouldnt know)

- Excited and baffled it was 12 hrs i feel like i started it what maybe this week idfk School starts again so i have to slow down the pace but thats ok...

- I thought the role of "the witchs messenger" might change too but i kind of hope its just marias job each time i liked the way she did it shes so fun

- no clue abt the rules of this world yet but im excited bcs theyre spelling it out to Think about it so u know it wont be obvious I dont even think i Can make a good guess rn

- natsuhi save me

[song-tam]

i made several notes during this time, enjoy:

[when neil goes into the bathroom pukes about signing onto the team and apologizes to his dead mom] "oh. fuck me i am emotionally attached now ig"

[on description of neil's last moments w his mom] "OH. OKAY" (pikachu face at the angst)

[kevin freaks out & andrew talks him down the first time] "INCH RESTING" (what the fuck what the fuck what the fu)

[the??????? taking out contacts scene??????] "ah i am sensing a hint of romantic tension"

"me when some dude who is in his fifties calls me a fucking idiot and tells me to call people next time and stop trying to do everything alone even though it is a knee jerk instinct. also what the fuck (in tears)"

[upon neil speaking in german to andrew for the first time] "LMAO" [upon The Conversation and the "Whatever this look was, it was dark and intense enough to swallow Neil whole."] "LMAO WHAT THE FUCK"

no notes but highlighted these two lines wordlessly: "Are you stupid?" Seth asked. / "Yeah," Neil said.

[on random moment where aaron and nicky are fighting or something and then they all go dude shut the fuck up and then seth just, CALLS NICKY A FAGGOT AND LEAVES?] "i am fucjing crying"

[THE FUCKING?????????????? CLOCKING BETSY AS OCD HCJWHCJFHFJDHKFNDNDJFLSHCMWNFKBXMAJDKAJFBSKJDKSJFJ??????????????] i dont have any commentary this is what i did though i laughed so hard i knocked my yarn off my bed

"ok what the hell kind of a loser team is this why are they not playing on CRAPPY TARMAC why the fuck do they have a HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR COURT"

my guy slighting renee like ten times "oooh the cross necklace and smiles ooh she must be innocent and not know what gang violence is or have any otherwise tragic backstory whatsoever because she is christian and has a positive disposition" staring directly at my entire family

im gonna go through and repsond to these in order hold on

OKAY YEAH emotional attachment to neil josten is unavoidable. theres just something about him. like you cant not be obsessed w this man its impossible

REAL AND TRUE oh god theyre sooooooo complicated i love

kevin and andrew. have real tension going on ill be real. like whats happening there??? insane

romantic tension. does it ever go past that. well youll see wont you

OH MY GOD THAT SCENE!!!!!!!!! wymack is SUCH a dad and i am sososoososo obsessed with him hes their coach hes their father figure he gives a shit abt them im soo not normal

god yeah no theyre so. like whats happening there miss nora. what were you thinking. why is he a wattpad bad boy

seth and neil. theyre. interesting

SETH BEING A HOMOPHOBE WAS THE MOST IRRELEVANT SHIT EVER LIKE WHY WAS THAT EVEN NECESSARY ITS BARELY ADDRESSED i cant

BETSY !!!!!!!!!! but yeah the whole neil & betsy dynamic is an intersting one i wish i could say it gets better and it. slightly does but only slightly

did i mention i love tfc. anyway

NO LEGIT like renee is so terrifying shes like a silent killer i would not trust her at all in a game of mafia also i think the foxes should play mafia together that would be fun

ANYWAY!!!! glad youre enjoying the next two are even more of a doozy so thatll be fun <3