#down in the Beatrice rabbit hole again

[lovelydialeonard]

🔥.

[woodenfawn]

Rewatching Re:Zero again, for various reasons, and I really want to take a closer look at it because it's been stuck in my head for such a long time. (It's actually the first scene I ever watched!)

Going back to the Rem Infodump, well- this is part of the reason I think Rem's definitely not stopping her character development. From the beginning, we get the message from this story that self sacrifice without any reward is not something someone should be satisfied with.

And this is extremely interesting because of what we learn later on- that despite all the physical pain, Ram was relieved that her horn broke. She didn't regret it, and only Rem was hurt by it emotionally.

I wonder if she ever properly talked to Rem about it? I wonder if she knew how to do that. I wonder if Rem ever knew how it felt to hold the pressure the clan was putting on her sister...

Ram's only guilt here comes from how it hurt Rem.

And then Ram asks Subaru who he'd prefer to be friends with, and I realized something pretty interesting.

These describe each of the twins, but they also describe Subaru himself. Both, together. Those two things add up to a large part of his internal conflict, and are made difficult by the fact that they contrast each other so much.

Because Subaru cannot just save everyone easily, because he's just a normal kid who was thrown into situations far beyond his abilities, he has to learn to love himself while dealing with both of these issues simultaneously. Letting go of one of these flaws (as he sees it) means completely and shamelessly embracing the other. If he refuses help, the only way he can be strong is to sacrifice himself. If he prioritizes himself, then he'll only ever be able to take from those he cares about.

I love how the story doesn't give him the option to become stronger, either. Like- he has Guiltywhip, he has Beatrice, he has Witch Authorities, but he's not the Isekai Protagonist he'd hoped he could be. He can't be Reinhardt (though... I don't know if he would want to be. That comes with its own rabbit hole, doesn't it?).

Rem and Ram each are like two mirrors of different parts of him, and they each have dynamics with each other that play on these connections.

Rem and Ram each embody different parts of the message of Re:Zero and I think that is so cool. All of them do, but the way this is presented just. I love it.

I don't mean to always talk about Subaru, I swear... I'm just in love with his character... Subaru's got such good dynamics with the whole cast,,,

I wish this conversation was in the final timeline, or that Subaru recreated it somehow... got the message across... man

Dear Diary, today I thought about Re:Zero again

also can we talk about how there's little trinkets and items that represent the main cast's personalities? Like, the spoon and the quill represent Rem and Ram in this story, the flower pin that Emilia gets from the little girl is like... the proof of her kindness, and the 10 yen coin represents subaru's brand of kindness- from the very beginning of the story. as well as the key from the elior forest being another one of emilia's, which has a similar diamond shaped gem to the quill and spoon. The only one of the main cast I can't pin down is beatrice... her book? her crown? I'm not sure. I hope we see Subaru's Beatrice diary in the next season!!

[marzipanandminutiae]

Could you please do every questions from the ask game for Lucille? Sorry i couldn't choose! All of the questions seemed so interesting 🤣

My first impression of them

I think I just considered her a straightforward Evil Girlboss. But it took me forever to Blorbo these characters, though I saw the movie in theatres and loved it from the start. I definitely loved her costumes from the beginning; I recall that much.

When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you’ve sent me a character I don’t like)

April 2021. I was at home after my second COVID vaccine dose, realized the movie was on Netflix, watched it- and fell down the rabbit hole, hard.

The vaccine doesn't give you 5G blood or heart failure, it turns out- just makes you stan fictional thirtysomething incestuous murderesses. Bill Gates must be playing a REALLY long game.

A song that reminds me of them

Oh god, so many. But for now, I'll go with...Stolen Roses, by Karen Ellison. "And the weeds in the ground have grew up through my skin/Forsaking a lonesome girl's heart/I'd go where the stolen roses grow/To forget that I had fell apart."

How many people I ship them with

Two! Edith and Thomas.

My favorite ship of them

OT3- Edith/Thomas/Lucille. Any individual leg of the triad involving her is interesting to me, too.

My least favorite ship of them

Lucille/Alan. Like. Why? They exchange like five sentences that we see onscreen- two of those in a deleted scene -and then she tries to kill him. Hardly true love, in my opinion.

A quote of them that you remember

She has like 75% of the iconic quotes in that movie. So instead, I'll point out that all three instances of swearing in the movie are her- AND canonically within like an hour of each other. #RefinedProperLady indeed.

Your favorite outfit of them

Her blue or black dress! I suspect they're the same pattern- at least, I hope for the stitchers' sake that they were.

Your least favorite outfit of them

Much as it pains me to say this...her red dress. I love all of her outfits, but the collar and the weird hoodie-looking faux drawstrings on this one push it to the end of the list. I am so sorry.

Describe the character in one sentence

Someone who hit rock bottom only by slipping through every possible crack in her childhood/adolescence.

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

Love and pragmatism.

Sexuality hc!

Hear me out: I think she's a lesbian who will never realize that about herself. Jessica Chastain said her "fantasies are more about women than men," and let's be honest- how much is her whole Situation with Thomas about attraction as normal adults understand it, and how much about devotion, trauma bonding, general uncategorized Love, and physical pleasure/comfort?

She loves Thomas. She likes having sex with him for the physical sensation and the mental associations. And she'll never be attracted to another man, so she'll never realize that it's Different from the way she feels about other women.

Your favorite friendship they have

Friend...ship? I think she knows the definition of the word, and that's about it.

Best storyline they had

There is only one.

Worst storyline they had

See above.

A childhood headcanon

When she turned ten, Lucille received her first and only doll: a wooden 18th-century lady that Thomas found in the attic trunk-room and fixed up for her in secret. This doll's name was Sophia, and she was treasured as few dolls have ever been.

What do you think their first word was?

Given her childhood, probably something nobody noticed or cared about. Or even bemoaned, in a "little girls should be seen and not heard, and now the tiresome thing won't ever give us any peace again" vein.

How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

We know from the character bios and the newspaper article about Beatrice's death how she was as a kid: curious, quiet, intelligent, brave, coldly polite to most people, and eternally self-sacrificing for her brother. Not yet as broken as she would one day be, but increasingly cracked as the years passed.

The most random ship you’ve seen people have with them

Lucille/Dracula. I have no idea.

A weird headcanon

She finds April Fool's Day extremely tiresome (spoiler: this is because it's her birthday).

When do you think they were at their happiest?

Weirdly, per the bios, the canon answer is "when she was pregnant with Thomas' child." She got to just be at home relaxing with her piano and her butterflies and her increasingly esoteric poetry about her and Thomas' Ultimate, Predestined, Celestially Perfect Union.

I'd say three-way tie between that, the time when she was a young child and Thomas a toddler and their nurse Theresa actually loved them, and the post-asylum period where she'd healed significantly and she and Thomas had free rein of the house but the money hadn't run dangerously low yet.

When do you think they were at their lowest?

After her son died.

Future headcanon

Based on the actual movie ending? She'll continue haunting Allerdale until it collapses, and then...who knows?

In my happier imaginings? Canon diverges before Edith gets too ill, and they all end up in a happy (if deeply unhealthy) triad together.

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

There were more pregnancies after the first one. She ended them with herbal abortifacients the day she realized, every time, believing she could never bring a healthy baby into the world.

When do you think they acted the most ooc

It's not something she does onscreen, but Thomas' wives ring fingers are in the drawer along with their locks of hair. I don't see someone as fastidious as Lucille particularly enjoying the smells, staining, and visuals of severed limbs rotting in a heated room that would come before they ended up all neatly mummified as they appear to be in the movie.

When do you think they were being “themselves” the most?

When she was showing Edith around the library.

I think murder is something she does, but her interests and her devotion to Thomas are who she is. She doesn't want to be killing people- she doesn't regret it or feel guilty; assuming that would be woobifying. She just hates the necessity of it. She wants to be at home with her books and her butterflies and her piano, being a good sister-wife to Thomas and a good mistress to the house. And I think that's significant.

If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

I wonder what GDT Pinocchio Death would make of her?

The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Y U Kill Dog?

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren’t?)

(She is, but her son is dead.)

I think the Sharpes together make one decent babysitter.

With Lucille alone, you get the kid fed nutritious meals, bathed, and put to bed on time after a suitable period spent in quiet play or practicing a skill- but they're lightly terrified of putting a toe wrong.

With Thomas, you get the kid having the time of their life- but they haven't showered in three days, they're covered in glitter-glue, and their last five meals were bowls of Lucky Charms.

Unless of course the kid happens to be running from a situation they'd find all too familiar, in an OT3 setup- but that's just an existing, very fleshed-out OC I'm trying frantically to work into a story someday. We'll see if she makes it.

The funniest scene they had?

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[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 10x16: A Certain Doom

Hey Everyone! What did you all think of the TWD episode? Unfortunately, no Beth, which sucks. But I noticed a lot of encouraging things. Today, I’m going to talk about broader ideas and symbolism that I noticed. Tomorrow I’ll do details and dialogue. And on Wednesday, I’ll talk about episode 1x01 of The World Beyond. Sound good?

By the way, sorry if this feels a little loopy. I should have done one more read through/editing pass, but I had WAY too much going on this weekend. So it just didn’t happen. 😉

***Spoilers abound below. Don’t read any further until you’ve watched!***

4 Pairs Pushing Through the Walker Hoard

So, for the pairs walking toward through the walker horde. The first time, I wasn't entirely zoned in on what was going on. Just one of those things where you're watching to see what happens and not really analyzing things. But I was thinking about it before I re-watched, and I had a lightbulb moment.

I realized there were four pair who walked through the hoard. The pairs were Daryl/Kelly, Carol/Beatrice, Jerry/Magna, and Luke/Jules. And the more I thought about it, the more I started to fall down a rabbit hole. Here's what I'm thinking. In a very broad, thematic sort of way, I think these four pairs represent the four death fakeout couples.

First of all, we had lots of Bethyl symbols going on in the scene. The one that will jump out at you most obviously are that Luke and Jules hold hands a lot like Beth and Daryl did in Alone. To be fair, they don't actually interlaced fingers, so that's different. But it looks the same. They’re walking side-by-side and the camera pans down so that we can only see their arms from the elbow down and they clasp hands. So of course I instantly thought of Bethyl there.

Now, when I watched the first time, before it occurred to me about four death fake out couples, I kept thinking Kelly was really close to Daryl. I mean, she's practically on top of him the whole time. Almost pressed up against his back. I registered that without drawing any conclusions about it. But now I'm thinking that if he and Kelly represent Daryl and Beth, this might almost be a representation of the Sirius piggyback.

And I even tried to play devil's advocate, wondering if maybe all the pairs were doing that. Because they are definitely staying close to one another to watch each other's backs and keep from being separated in the hoard. But I watched really close the second time, making note of what each pair did, and none of them are doing that except Daryl and Kelly. 

Luke and Jules hold hands, but they’re standing side-by-side. Magna and Jerry are actually pressed pretty closely together, but again, it side-by-side. It almost like their shoulders and the sides of their heads are mashed together, but he's really not walking behind her in the same way Kelly is behind Daryl. Beatrice does walk behind Carol, but once again, she's not pressed up against Carol's back. She's like 18 inches behind her. So it really only Kelly and Daryl who are doing this. So, the idea is Kelly as a stand-in for Connie, who is a stand-in for Beth. LOL. I get that starts to sound like 6° of Kevin Bacon thing, but there it is.

 The next reason I think this represents the four death fake out couples is that three out of four of them make it through the hoard without a problem. Daryl and Kelly, Luke and Jules, Jerry and Magna. And what do I keep saying? Three out of the four death fake out couples will make it to the end of the show and be happy together. Bethyl, Richonne, and Carzekiel. The one that doesn't is Glaggie, because Glenn died. So that means Carol's pairing with Beatrice represents Glaggie. One half of the pairing is killed, and doesn’t make it to the end/other side.

Lydia’s Role:

Luke isn’t creating a bomb as early spoilers predicted. He's just putting together the radio that will blare the music. So, the plan is to get the radio, powered by batteries, to the wagon which will be drawn by two horses. Then blare the music from the wagon and use it to draw the walker hoard away from the hospital and toward the cliff. So, it's very similar to what they did in 6a in leading the walkers away so that everyone lives.

At the beginning of this episode, when expanding this plan, they say that they have to go through the walker hoard surrounding the hospital in order to reach the wagon and horses. That's why the four couples are going through the herd to begin with. These are the eight people (eight is a baptismal number by the way) who volunteer to do it.

They put all the parts to the radio and battery that Luke has into these black backpacks. We see them all carrying the black packs through the horde. When Beatrice goes down and dies, she tries to give Carol the backpack, but Carol doesn't get it. And I have a feeling people will hate on Carol for this part because it does kind of feel like she's leaving Beatrice behind. I don't think that's actually what they're going for in the show, though. If Carol had gone back for it, she would have been eaten, too, so she simply couldn’t.

But it would've been a really bad thing to lose Beatrice’s pack because they needed the parts that were in that backpack to make the radio work. So, my first thought was perhaps the black bag being left behind could be a parallel to Beth's black bag being left behind in Alone. And maybe it still will be on some level. But then something changed.

After the bag gets left behind, we see a hand grabbed it. At first, I thought it might've been Beta picking it up. But it wasn't. It was Lydia. She and Negan originally stayed in the hospital, but when things started to go bad, both of them put on Whisperer masks and made their way into the horde to help. So where Carol didn't get the bag, Lydia made her way through to where Beatrice dropped it and picked it up. She brought it safely to the other side with Carol.

I think this is very significant. While I do think that Carol and Beatrice as a pair represent the fate of Glaggie as a couple, throwing Lydia into he mix is interesting.

I think she represents Beth. Think about it this way. Lydia was originally left behind in the hospital (literally, the Grady Hospital), but she sort of escaped on her own (down through an elevator shaft with Negan) and showed up to bring something to help team family. She brought them "something they needed” in order to save their people.

So I think it goes very well with what we’ve theorized about Beth in the past. She will save everyone somehow, show up to be a weapon to help TF. And on top of that, throughout all the last episode in this episode, Lydia is dressed in a pink hoodie. And then there's the fact that that what Norman posted last night had Emily wearing that bright pink jumpsuit with blue flowers. Just saying.

Lead the Walkers Away with Music

I thought about this thematically. And it’s not anything we haven't discussed before, but I was just thinking about it in more depth. They lead the walkers away and eventually to a cliff where they go over the side and into the ocean. So obviously, the water is a big deal. But I was thinking that we have a situation where they're basically trying to neutralize the walker threat that is about to kill the group, right?

Well, the music they're blaring becomes sort of a passive aggressive weapon to take out the walkers. It's not direct and aggressive as a knife or bullet would be. But they're using the music as a weapon to lead the walkers away, which will end up saving the group. And obviously Beth equals music.

So, it's kind of an overall theme that we've seen before. It also occurred to me that we could compare this to Rick's speech in 5x10. His whole, "first we have to survive, then we get to live." Especially when the four pairs are going through the walker hoard, it's kind of like Beth and Daryl going through the graveyard. They’re sort of straddling the line between life and death. And if they can survive it, then they get to live. So that's what I was thinking about there.

Now, the plan doesn't really work. It gets dark while they’re leading the walkers away and we see a full moon. But the remaining Whisperers ambush them. They manage to throw some sort of metal wire across the road and it kind of kills the wagon. In fact, the wheel comes off. 

Side note: there are two blatant examples of wheels falling off in this episode. The first was with Eugene at the beginning when he has biking accident. The second is this part with the wagon. The camera focuses very obviously on the wheel falling off in the road. (This is a theme we’ve seen A LOT around Bethyl symbolism.)

When it does, the group has to abandon the wagon and make a run for it. I actually watched closely the second time because I wondered what happened to the two horses that were leading it. After the wheel falls off, we simply don't see them again. The camera doesn't focus on them. I'm assuming they got eaten by walkers, though, because Daryl’s group definitely didn't stop to rescue them. They just run into the woods. Then we see walkers converge on the wagon, so I'm assuming they ate the horses. Kind of like Buttons.

The problem is, once they don't have the music to lead the walkers away anymore, they know the Whisperers will turn the hoard around and take it back to the hospital. So the only thing they can come up with to do is to go back into the horde and hunt the Whisperers so they can’t do that. This is what they do. And this is where Beta is killed.

In fact, it's kind of interesting. Negan gives Lydia Alpha’s skin mask. It definitely looks different on her than it did on Samantha Morton, but she's walking through the horde looking like Alpha. I didn't entirely register it first time, but Beta sees her wearing Alpha’s mask and tries to kill her. He doesn't get very close or anything, but he goes after her and that's when Negan shows up. So Negan basically saves Lydia from Beta. But then Beta gets the better of him and has him on the ground and is about to stab him and that's when Daryl shows up to stab Beta through the eyes. I got a screenshot of that. Apologies in advance. It's kinda gnarly. But we see Beta actually pulled the knives out of his own eyes. Yeah, that's gotaa have some symbolism behind it.

After that, we see Lydia leading the horde toward the cliff. Carol whispers to her and tells her to go back and that she'll take care of it. And Carol really does try to commit suicide here. So, in terms of the stupid shippers, at least we could argue that Carol really isn't very devoted to Daryl. Not only was she going to leave him again, but her suicide would've absolutely devastated him. She was gonna do it anyway. But Lydia pulled her back.

Now, I said this was really powerful and I think it was. I think it’s significant that it was Lydia who saved Carol, not Daryl. Daryl can't save her. Not really. She either has to save herself, or the other thing that I'm starting to realize is that the children can save her. I wouldn’t have thought Lydia would take on that role. Lydia definitely has a child/adult relationship with Carol, but she's not a little kid. And this is someone that Carol will forever associate with Henry. 

So, you wouldn't think Lydia would be able to save Carol. But here, she very obviously does. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. Carol starts to cry and says “thank you” (really want to relate that to the Glenn/Nicholas thank you) and the two of them hug each other pretty fiercely on the side of the cliff. It was very powerful and touching, but the point is, it wasn't Daryl that saved Carol. It had to be Lydia.

After that, they had back, and this is where we get some reunions. Everybody's hugging, Maggie is introduced to Gracie and then hugs Judith. And this is where Carol and Daryl talk and hug as well. I'll give you the dialogue in a minute. I was pretty close to what I said before, but my wording wasn’t exact. The one thing I want to say right now, though, is that when Carol says the line, "we still have things to do here," it immediately cuts to Connie's scene.

Connie’s Appearance

Now, there's a lot of interesting things about Connie's scene I want to talk about. But the fact that Carol says that, and then we see Connie feels really on the nose to me. It felt like the writers hinting that some of the stuff they still have to do has to do with Beth’s return. Because Connie is very obviously a proxy for Beth at this part.

For Connie’s scene, we first see what looks like a disembodied walker hand. It’s unmoving and caked with dirt. But it starts to jerk and then move and then the camera pans back and we see that it's Connie's hand. She has basically face planted in the dirt and she's covered with dried mud and leaves. It's obvious that she's injured, weakened, and probably dehydrated. I also noticed that she has a trail of blood down her face. Which means it must come from head injury somewhere up near her hairline. Not unlike Eugene’s, actually.

Now, we already know Connie is a Beth proxy. Just to review, she went missing, was presumed dead, and Daryl doesn't know where she is currently or even if she's alive. And that’s on top of everything else we’ve seen throughout the season.

Now we have Connie alone, injured, stumbling through the woods, maybe from head injury. I couldn’t tell if she had any injuries to her legs or ankles. It really might've been weakness and dehydration that made her stumble, but it did seem like she was limping a little bit. I'm even reading into the fact that she was sort of hugging the trees. I mean, she’s actually using them to stay upright and not fall down. But she’s practically running into them and wrapping her arms around them. Visually, it reminded me a lot of Beth having her back up against the tree in Still.

Finally, Connie loses her balance and basically face plants in the dirt again. Then we hear horse hooves and that's when Virgil approaches. I told you before, I didn't think we'd seen the horse. And we didn't see the face or body, but there's a part where Connie is in focus in the foreground and we see the horse approaching, out of focus, in the background. So basically just the legs/fetlocks. And the horse is sort of a brownish-red in color. Then Connie looks up at Virgil and he down at her and that's the end of the scene.

Some thoughts on Connie here. TD has always had theories that someone might've saved Beth and taken her back to Grady, right? For a long time, I was convinced it was Morgan. And it still might be. I’ve moved away from that theory somewhat, but I haven't completely ruled out. But whether it was Morgan or not who saved Beth, I think we have representation here of someone finding Beth staggering around in the woods and saving her life.

In this case it's Virgil saving Connie, and we can also deduce that this happened somewhere around Oceanside. So that's important too, but again, it's very obvious to me that she's a Beth proxy here. Missing, presumed dead, head injury, stumbling around, and then someone finds her and saves her life. So it will be very interested to see where this goes.

And then there’s the whole Dante/Divine Comedy angle.

Okay, I’m gonna stop there. But there’s tons of dialogue and details to consider and I’ll go over them tomorrow. Stay tuned! 

[keyofjetwolf]

Mostly, you’re drowning.

I won’t go so far as to say that the dynamic of the Horseman family is, on its own merits, particularly unique. It’s almost mundane, really, when you distill it to its most basic points. Beatrice and Butterscotch are your standard class romance staples: her, a bored and dissatisfied debutante, him, a blue-collar aspiring writer with dreams of The Great American Novel. They’re attracted to each other for barely any reasons that have anything to do with who they actually are, they have a fling, she becomes pregnant. They decide to get married and raise the baby, they soon come to hate the situation they’re now in, hate all the choices they make to try and force it all to work, and very possibly hate each other but definitely, at least on some level, hate their kid for “doing” all this to them.

Nothing unique, but that in no way makes it uninteresting, and I think it’s especially tragic and fascinating, the moments where you catch a glimpse from the corner of your eye, can make out the possibilities in the shadows, of what they might have been if they’d maybe just tried.

I’m not sure how much thought I’d have given to the Horseman family as a unit in this episode, even with BoJack’s mentions of his father in his eulogy, without the opening scene. I think it’s part of the episode that’s easily lost in the rest of it, and that’s understandable as it not only comes before the credits, but it feels at first glance to be completely out of step with the rest of it.

I argue, though, that it’s NOT, and is actually more in line with the rest of “Free Churro” than outside it. More on that at the end of this post, I promise I’m going somewhere with that. But first, the beginning.

We open with BoJack at an age we don’t usually visit him. I’d guess maybe about ten here? Maybe twelve? He’s young enough to be left on his own after soccer practice, sitting and shivering in the chilly autumn evening while he waits for his mother to pick him up, but very much still a child.

(Hey, anybody else ever get those sinking feelings, when their parents were running late to get you, that they weren’t ever going to show, and spend the time you suddenly found yourself surrounded by trying to figure out what you were going to do next when they just never came to get you? AHH MEMORIES.)

When someone finally shows up, it’s his father.

This is probably the longest we’ve spent with Butterscotch, at least, when it’s actually him and not him playing out some James Dean role he wants desperately to believe is him. He’s brusque and awful, and BoJack is DEEPLY uncomfortable around him from the second he gets in the car.

What I think is most important about that, though, is that Butterscotch, for all that he sucks, IS THERE. We can follow a lengthy rabbit hole down WHY, exactly, he’s there (personally, I think it’s so he has a reason to stop “writing” with a handy scapegoat in BoJack, but it can be many things), but of all the places we go, of all the things BoJack will talk about in “Free Churro”, the only one ACTUALLY THERE is his father.

And I think that’s one of the key points in BoJack’s relationships and regrets when it comes to his parents. His father, for as much as he might have liked to envision himself a deep and contemplative man, just isn’t. He’s laughably surface and simple, hating the things he’s learning about himself day by day, and turning all that self-loathing on the world around him.

SOUND FAMILIAR? Yeah, it should, it’s not really going to huge lengths to hide that. BoJack IS his father. More self-aware maybe, considerably more clever and thus with a greater capacity for cruelty, but his father pretty much through and through.

Which goes back yet again to the point about his father being a solid, tangible presence for BoJack, which I think is an incredible way to highlight the tragedy he’s attempting to process in his mother’s death. He spends all of this time and energy in trying to puzzle out what his mother’s last words, “I see you”, could mean.

Meanwhile, BoJack’s father left behind an entire novel. “Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid, worthless life,” BoJack says. “Maybe it did. I don’t know. I never read it.” At the end of the day, BoJack doesn’t actually care what his father has to say, what he thought, how he felt. There’s nothing in Butterscotch that, for BoJack, holds the spark of what might have been.

Not like Beatrice.

But then, Butterscotch feels so differently about Beatrice, too. As BoJack is telling us about the parties she’d hold every week, it’s the only moment of wistful fondness he actually demonstrates. When Beatrice would dance, even Butterscotch would emerge from his study to watch, all of them separate, but bound in that moment, and as BoJack talks about it, for a moment, he loses himself in the memory. Still we never see her. Just the faintest impression of her. That’s really all she left him.

It’s the one time BoJack talks about them as something united, something approaching family,and it’s to say how they’re all drowning. It’s twisted and wrong that that’s a bit sweet, but given what we have to work with, I can understand. But I think he’s wrong, or at least, not entirely right. I don’t think they were drowning together and didn’t know how to save each other, I think they were drowning, and taking each other with them.

There’s very little I’m willing to give to BoJack, but he’s due this: he was a child. It wasn’t his job to save ANYONE.

But I do think Butterscotch and Beatrice were drowning each other, each clinging to what they had, unwilling to let go and save themselves, or allow the other even try. It surprised me, then, when I went back to rewatch this, that I found the faintest glimmer of remorse.

When Butterscotch retracts his blame for Beatrice, says that she’s doing the best she can, and that she’s doing the right thing by teaching BoJack so young that he can’t rely on anyone. Oh he never for a second thinks to assure BoJack, fuck that noise. But, even if just for a moment, Butterscotch tries to lift Beatrice above all this, and it legitimately surprised me to see. It’s such a tiny, almost minuscule drop of misfortune in all this, but it makes me think that Butterscotch and Beatrice could have pulled out of all this, that they could have made their lives different. Maybe not what they originally wanted, but SOMETHING. That they might have been able to be happy, if they’d figured out how to try for it.

Which brings me back to what I said in the beginning, about this opening not being so out of line? This isn’t just Butterscotch going on some wild rant, this, like with BoJack, is a journey. This, too, is a eulogy for Beatrice, it’s just forty or so years early from Butterscotch.

It’s good.

Down one sandwich, but up one churro!

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Chapter Thirty-Nine:

The One Where Lemony Makes a Vastly Formidable Decision While Violet Makes A Very Frightening Discovery

 

 

There was an awkward silence in the taxi as both men realized what Lemony had just said out loud. 

“Lemony...you’re not serious?” Larry asked in an uncomfortable tone.

“I get that it’s wrong...but...what choice do I have?” Lemony asked the waiter, his voice cracking.

“Several,” Larry replied. “Besides, you were just complaining that you thought you had too much blood on your hands. Now you want to add some real blood?”

“It’s just Olaf. He doesn't deserve to live,” Lemony said. “Especially not anymore.”

“But he’s not worth the time you’d spend incarcerated.”

Lemony laughed. “I’ve been both dead and on the run for nearly fifteen years. I’m an expert at not getting caught.”

Larry laughed. “Well, you do what you feel you need to do. I won’t stop you and I won’t look at you any differently, friend. I’ll continue to help you in any way to help these kids.”

Lemony sighed. “Thank you. Do you need a ride back into town?”

“Actually, yes I could use one. I’ve been asked to help your brother investigate a recent fire.”

“Jacques is researching the Baudelaire fire?” Lemony asked worriedly.

“No...the more recent fire?”

“There’s been another fire?”

“Yeah...you didn’t hear?” Larry asked. “We’ve lost two more members in the fire. One of their children died in the fire, as well.”

“What? How old?”

“Just thirteen years old. The other two children are being sent to a boarding school that you and I are familiar with.”

“Prufrock?”

“Yep.”

“Fucking lovely,” Lemony commented. “Wait, do you think Poe will take the Baudelaires there next. Since he took those kids…”

“Uhm...Mr. Poe isn’t in charge of their affairs.” Larry interrupted.

“Then who is?”

“The city’s sixth most important financial adviser,” 

“Wait...isn't that…” Lemony asked as Larry nodded. “How did thathappen?”

“I’m unsure. But we’ve been told she hasn’t had any affiliation with VFD since that night. She quit it all together. Now spends her days solely focusing on fashion and her own wealth.” Larry explained.

“Well...that’s good at least. Maybe, unlike Olaf, she’s put everything behind her.” 

“Well, why wouldn’t she? It’s just a sugar bowl.”

Lemony laughed. “It was more than just a sugar bowl to her...but maybe you’re right. She moved on. She’s more mature than Olaf. Not fixating on revenge over some petty little object.”

Lemony laughed as he started up the taxi. He and Larry continued their conversation all the way back to the city. Lemony couldn’t help but wonder what was in store for the Baudelaires and what was in store for him. Was he really willing to kill Olaf to end this miserable cycle that he has found himself in? Lemony continued on in conversation but his mind was currently wandering aimlessly. He was feeling distraught, he couldn’t fathom how the idiotic mistakes that he made in his early twenties could fuck up everything this badly. 

The world was filling up with smoke and fire, and it was all his fault. Beatrice and her husband, Bertrand burned to death in their home that they once happily raised their children. Jacques and Kit have not seen their younger brother in nearly two decades and who knows if they’ve stayed close after losing Lemony. Gustav was murdered by a poison dart and drowned in a swamp. Monty had his passion used against him in a cruel murder. Josephine had her fears used against her in a gruesome murder. Two children had lost their parents and have been stalked and pursued by a homicidal psycho who was bent on revenge against Lemony and their own parents. And now, another VFD family has lost their home and their lives. A thirteen-year-old died because of him.  Finally, Violet, his own daughter, had been robbed of a true childhood. She was robbed of having a mother. She was robbed of having siblings. She was robbed of having any family unit other than her father. And it was all. His. fault. 

It didn’t matter what Jacquelyn or Larry said. Lemony knew that this was all his fault. He blindly followed VFD’s orders and the dominoes fell. They’ve been falling for nearly fifteen years now and Lemony desperately wondered just how this story was going to end. Unfortunately, I know how this story ends and it is not a pleasant ending for anyone involved. Even if some people find peace or a ‘happy ending’, they will still have their trauma, their nightmares, their worry that just around the corner more unfortunate events will be there. But in the case of Lemony Snicket, I am sad to say that the conclusion to his story is much, much worse. You can hardly imagine, so I implore you to run and never look back because the further you go into this story, the further down the rabbit hole you go and sooner or later, you’ll be trapped with no way out and you will be forced to endure the Baudelaires’ and Snickets’ tragic stories. My associate and I have already tormented ourselves learning each gruesome detail. Finding useful documents and finding scraps of photographs that help detail and piece together each and everything that has happened in these cases. If you think this is bad or that the story cannot get any worse...I hate to inform you but you are entirely wrong. This story can and will get much, much worse. The secrets of VFD will begin to unravel all around the children but that doesn’t mean their story will get any better. You might think that three children should lead pleasant lives...but that’s not how the story goes.  

He sighed, trying to do his best to keep up the conversation with Larry as he drove them back to the city. He was fighting tears, he was fighting exhaustion. It was weird, Lemony didn’t feel physically exhausted, although he knew that he was, the nightmares made sure of that. Ruining any chance of sleep that Lemony could get. But he did feel both emotionally and mentally exhausted. It was hard keeping up the lies that he told his daughter, it was even harder keeping her a secret to anyone involved in VFD. It was hard to remember what he named his disguise this time and it was nerve-wracking hoping that he wouldn’t be recognized by Olaf. 

If Lemony lived in a simpler world, he would be a man who was never indicted into a secret organization, never convinced to do that heinous action that changed everything. Even if Beatrice and Bertrand had died when their children were young, Lemony would be able to just adopt the Baudelaires and protect them. Then Violet would have siblings. Violet would have a normal life as well. 

Was kidnapping the Baudelaires really out of the question? He asked himself as Larry rambled on and on, not noticing that Lemony was barely paying any attention. Honestly, Lemony wasn’t sure how he was even driving, he was barely focusing on the desolate roads either. Kidnapping the Baudelaires did sound like the best option, he didn’t have to necessarily indict them into VFD, he could take them and Violet and simply disappear. But would the kids go for that? Would Olaf still find them?

Lemony was unsure exactly how Olaf was getting the location of the Baudelaire orphans. Lemony got his information from Jacquelyn, who works under the incompetent Mr. Poe. But how did Olaf get this information...and before Lemony? That part hasn’t made much sense to Lemony since day one. He knew he couldn’t put a stop to Olaf learning the children’s location if he didn’t know where he was getting it. So if Lemony kidnapped Klaus and Sunny...Olaf would find him, discovering Violet. Which he refused to let happen. The vivid nightmares were a constant reminder of what Olaf would do if he knew of Violet’s mere existence. So kidnapping them was entirely out of the question. At the end of the day no matter how much he cared about the Baudelaires, Violet was his main priority. 

Lemony shook his head slightly. Killing Olaf might be the only option. Wouldn’t be the first time that Lemony murdered someone. At this point, Lemony didn’t care what his reasons were. He didn’t care if there were seemingly other options. The only way to end a nightmare is by making sure it no longer exists, and how do you make sure that a human being no longer exists? You kill them. 

Lemony hated that his mind was going to this dark place. But deep down, he knew killing Olaf would be the best option. He will never stop. He will continue trying to hurt the Baudelaires until his last dying breath. So why not make his last dying breath come sooner? 

“Lemony?” Larry asked bringing Lemony back to reality.

“Huh? What?”

“You’re crying,” 

Lemony quickly wiped tears from his face. “Sorry, I was listening...what were you saying?”

“Who’s Violet?” Larry asked.

Lemony’s eyes went wide as he pushed his foot on the brake. The taxi halted to a harsh stop, causing both men to sway in their seats. He turned to Larry. “Who’s Violet?” he asked.

“That’s what I’m asking you,”

“I-I don’t know a Violet…you must have misheard me.”

“No. I’m sure I heard you correctly. You said ‘I’ll never let him hurt Violet’,”

Lemony shook head fiercely. “I don’t recall saying that.”

“That’s probably because you were disassociating,”

“You can’t disassociate while driving,”

“You’d be surprised,” Larry replied. “So who’s Violet?”

Lemony frowned, sighing deeply. “Look, I don’t know what you heard or what you think I said. I’m exhausted. I am on the edge of losing the last bit of sanity that I have left. So can we please just drop it and never say the name ‘Violet’ again.”

Larry frowned but nodded his head. “Understood. You are under incredible stress. Do you want me to drive? Maybe you can nap.”

Lemony weighed the pros and cons of Larry’s suggestion. On one hand, he could get sleep, something that he so desperately needed. But on the other hand, he could have another nightmare or another lucid dream where he will say too much. His eyes threatened to close. He simply nodded as he unbuckled his seatbelt and switched seats with Larry.

The rest of the car, he looked remorsefully out the window as Larry did his best to maintain a friendly, enjoyable conversation with Lemony. Eventually, Lemony stopped replying and began snoring. Larry looked worriedly over at his sleeping pal, he knew this was taking a toll on Lemony but he wasn’t exactly sure why. What was Lemony’s connection to the Baudelaire children? He understood that they were Beatrice’s children and he fully understood Lemony’s connection and feelings toward Beatrice but it seemed to Larry that there was something in this connection that was missing. Something that Lemony was hiding. But he let it go. He allowed Lemony to sleep the rest of the way to the city.

_____________________________________________________________________

Violet paced around impatiently. She wondered where her father was. Usually, she allowed her father the freedom to come and go as he pleased. Knowing that his job called for it but after Jacquelyn had explained to her that he has enemies, she wanted him home as much as possible. She was sickeningly worried about him. She made herself a cup of coffee, glancing at the door every few seconds waiting anxiously for her father to burst through the door. 

It took her a few hours before deciding to use her time productively into finding her mother. She glanced around the apartment for possible hiding spots that her father might put something that he didn’t want to see all the time, in fear that it would break his heart each time he looked at it. She had two different spots for such an item. The first place was the same place that she had stored her failed grandfather toaster, which was under her bed. So she didn’t have to look at it anymore. She ran to her father’s room and threw herself on the floor and frowned when she saw that there was nothing under his bed except pairs of shoes. She sighed but looked towards her second guess, which of course was the closet.

Most people have skeletons in their closet, of course, Lemony Snicket didn’t have actual skeletons in his closet, but he did have metaphorical skeletons in his closet just like a vast majority of people and to Violet’s frustration, he had his skeletons locked away in a briefcase that was locked with a combination. The phrase ‘skeletons in one’s closet’ simply means they have pieces of their past that they would prefer not leave lying around. Because they are painful or incriminating or would create unnecessary clutter. Whether it was because it was beneficial to his personal health if it were hidden away or that he didn’t want anyone else knowing of his dirty little secrets. In the case of Lemony Snicket, both reasons applied. He didn’t want to be constantly reminded about the heart-break that this skeleton delivered to him and he also was trying to hide this depressing truth from his daughter. 

She pulled out the briefcase glancing at it at every angle. She could tell that a mere lockpick wasn’t going to do. She was going to have to crack the combination. She stared at the briefcase with pure determination written across her face. She knew that combinations are usually three numbers. She looked at the lock on the briefcase. When she flipped the briefcase over, she saw a similar insignia. This shocked her to where she dropped the briefcase on the floor and pulled out the spyglass from her pocket, studying the front of it. How have I never noticed this before? She pondered as she stared at both the briefcase and the spyglass. What else had VFD’s signature? 

Her eyes got wide as she grabbed her locket and looked it over. Searching desperately for the familiar insignia. She smiled when she realized that her locket was not branded in any way to the cult that both of her parents had found themselves in. But she did wonder how her father was able to hide this briefcase from her, especially considering the many times that the two of them have moved. She sighed as she took a quick glance towards the front door. Still nothing. She was both relieved and worried, but there was nothing she could do. The only thing she can do is just sit around and wait for him to get home. She debated whether or not to call Jacquelyn and ask her for any updates pertaining to her father. But she didn’t know if Jacquelyn would even give her any updates seeing that her father was being super secretive about this whole thing. 

She glared at the lock on the briefcase, surprised to see that it was not a simple lock. She played with the three dials realizing that this might be a bit harder than she thought. Seeing that, unlike usual briefcase combinations lock each dial would have the digits zero to nine on each, but the one her father possessed was obviously custom-made either for him or for his cult as a whole because each dial had double digits. She turned the dials to see how far numerically it would go and each dial stopped at the number twenty-six. Violet eyed curiously at the dials, if Violet wasn’t an intelligent young woman, she would have only simply recognized that twenty-six was a very odd, but yet very specific number to stop at. But Violet was a very intelligent young woman and although she was right to think that twenty-six was an odd number to stop at, she understood why VFD would give their members briefcases that stopped at that specific numbers.

Going back to her research about how VFD uses codes, she knew that sometimes when coding you can substitute letters for numbers and vice versa. She smiled as she twisted the dials of the briefcase. The first being twenty-two, the second being the sixth letter in the alphabet and finally the fourth. She tried to open up the briefcase but when she tried to pull it open, it made a sharp noise indicating that it was still locked. She sighed. Well, I guess VFD isn’t as narcissistic as I had hoped. She turned all three dials until they were each on random numbers. Can briefcases permanently lock you out if you try too many combinations? She was sure that it couldn’t, but this wasn’t a normal briefcase that she was dealing with. This was some custom-made cryptic briefcase most likely manufactured by a cult in hopes of keeping their dark and terrifying secrets. 

Maybe VFD isn’t as full of themselves as I thought...but maybe my Dad is. She thought to herself as she turned the first dial to twelve for the letter ‘L’, she counted on her fingers to figure out what number the letter ‘P’ would represent on the numerical alphabet, she started from ‘L’ and counted four fingers making the ‘P’ the sixteenth letter in the alphabet and then she twisted the last dial to nineteen for the letter ‘S’. Once again, the briefcase made a harsh noise when she tried to open it. She glared at the briefcase. Okay, so Dad isn’t as predictable as I hoped. 

She then looked down at her locket. Violet, you fucking idiot.  She thought to herself laughing a bit as she began to put the numerical equivalent for her mother’s initials. She had to remember what her middle name was. Her father had told her a few times but it wasn’t information she thought she’d desperately need. She knew that it was the same as her middle initial, ‘M’. She believed her name was Beatrice Morena Baudelaire. She wasn’t entirely sure, but she did know that the way she remembered the first letter of her birth mother’s middle name was simply because she and Beatrice shared that. Another thing that Violet realized that both she and her mother’s middle name’s started with the letter that had her father’s favorite number as it’s numerical equivalent, which was thirteen. Her father had always told her that sometimes even the unluckiest of things can have a silver lining somewhere you just have to look for it. And for that reason, he had always declared that thirteen was his favorite number. To many, it was considered unlucky and cursed but to Lemony it was a number with a bad reputation. As she stole a glance towards the door noting that no one was coming in, she quickly twisted the dials to the second number of the alphabet, the thirteenth, and the second. Again, the briefcase indicated to her that she was entirely wrong with the combination. 

She was getting super frustrated. She was so close to grabbing a kitchen knife and cutting the leather of the briefcase just so she can read the secrets that she hoped it contained. She took a deep breath, slowly calming herself down. She knew if she cut through the leather, she would have to explain to her father what she did. She wouldn’t be able to obtain another briefcase like this one. Well, maybe she could. She wasn’t sure if Jacquelyn had a spare but maybe she could gift Violet a spare but the only problem with that she wouldn’t know what combination her father used so she’d still get caught. 

Besides Violet wanted to be the one to catch her father in his web of lies, not have him catch her in her own web of deceit. She wanted him to learn of her discoveries on her terms, not his. So she knew she couldn’t vandalize the briefcase, no matter how much she wanted to. She didn’t know how often her father revisited the skeletons in his closet and she wasn’t taking any chances. 

She stared intensely at the briefcase trying to think of any other three number combinations her father would potentially use. She’s tried V.F.D. She tried his own initials, L.P.S. She even tried her mother’s initials, B.M.B. In a flash of realization, her frustrated expression turned into one of disbelief. She facepalmed and rolled her eyes at her own silly self. She gave a small laugh as the most obvious combination came to mind. She quickly turned the first dial to the twenty-second letter of the alphabet. Violet. She turned the second dial to the thirteenth letter. Malina. She turned the last dial to the nineteenth letter of the alphabet. Snicket. Immediately, the briefcase popped open. She smiled. Sometimes the most obvious answer is right in your face. She told herself realizing that her father was predictable, just to the level of predictability that you severely doubt. She didn’t think her dad was that predictable but here she was after putting the numerical equivalent of her initials on the dials of the briefcase’s lock with the briefcase completely opened and more of her father’s secrets in front of her eager eyes. 

Violet looked down at the contents of the briefcase and stared at the one thing she wanted to find but she doubted she would. Violet was fortunately correct in her assumption that within this briefcase, her father had locked away the two hundred page book written by the woman he loved, her birth mother, that explained at great length and in specific detail the reason she could not marry him. Violet understood her father’s desire to hide something like this, if it were out in the open, he would find himself reading it over and over again as if his darling Beatrice was bringing him bad news every day and every night of his life. 

She frowned as she pulled out the pages and she gently swiped her fingers across the top of the book. Her mother’s handwriting was so beautiful. The way she wrote ‘My Darling Dearest’ in the header amazed Violet. She glanced at the letter noticing that the first page was torn stained and there was no doubt in her mind that the rest of the pages were tear-stained as well. Violet smiled as she grazed the red ribbon that her mother used to tie her letter together with her fingers. She smiled. She got her ribbon obsession from her mother. She glanced down at the purple ribbon that she had tied to her wrist. 

She decided to tie up her hair before she began to read the letter. She tried her best to be prepared for whatever it was she was about to discover. Her curiosity was taking full control over her as she began to read. She turned page after page, hungry for more answers. The entire time she was admiring not only her mother’s handwriting but her writing skills. She realized right away that her mother was a lot like her father in one aspect when she wanted to be cryptic, she was vague and very confusing. There were parts of the letter where certain details were omitted entirely or things pertaining to VFD were vaguely mentioned. As her mother had explained in the letter, this was due to the fact that she wasn’t sure if the carrier crows who had the task of delivering this letter would be able to find her father. Which that part didn’t make much sense to Violet. Her father was on the run after her birth...wasn’t he? That’s how he ended up with Violet. Everything was alright until after her birth. But that timeline wasn’t making sense in correlation to the one provided by her mother in this letter. From what it sounded like, it sounded like Beatrice was still pregnant with Violet. She even mentions that she is nervous because this is her first pregnancy. Violet didn’t have any siblings, older or younger so she had a feeling this was talking about her mother’s pregnancy with her. Which made Violet think about the telegram. At first, Violet had thought that maybe that was a different pregnancy, but if there was a completely different timeline than maybe she was the baby being discussed in that. It would make sense. Because if her father and mother had any other children, wouldn’t they be with her and her father? A sad thought came to the forefront of Violet’s mind unless she didn’t want me but wanted the other baby. She frowned. She shook her head, trying to convince herself that that wasn’t the case at all. Her mother seemed super excited about her pregnancy, so why wouldn’t she keep Violet? 

All of a sudden a dark thought took hold of her mind. She wondered why her father wouldn’t tell her the correct timeline. Each time he spoke of the tragic events that led to Violet being in his custody, he always mentioned that it happened after Violet was born. That he and her mother parted ways after her birth. But in this letter, her mother is telling a different story. She didn’t know much about Beatrice’s character, so she didn’t know if she could believe everything out of her mouth, but unfortunately, she did know Lemony and she recently learned that her father was a chronic liar. But the question on Violet’s mind was why would he lie about the timeline of events? What was he hiding from her? There was only one reason that Violet could think of for her father lying about something like the timeline of events and she didn’t like the thought at all. She hated this thought. But can you blame her for thinking such a thing? When you don’t have much to go and you have to fit pieces into a puzzle, sometimes you end up with pieces in the incorrect spaces because you jump to conclusions or you force the piece into the spot. Violet wondered if her father kidnapped her after all. She knew that she was biologically related to Lemony, there was no doubt about that. But during separations, there are custody battles and sometimes when one parent does not like the outcome of the custody battle, they do something drastic like take the child and run. Even if the parent is related to the child, the authorities still consider this kidnapping. So could this be one of those cases right now? Her father was on the run and even presumed dead so maybe he couldn’t fight a custody battle or maybe he did but he lost because of his background. So in desperation, he kidnapped Violet taking her far from her mother. Sadly, it was in the realms of possibility. VFD does kidnap children. So they had probably trained both her parents on how to successfully kidnap a child without getting caught. 

Her heart sank. Or did he kidnap me to recruit me into VFD? She shook her head at that nonsense. If he wanted to recruit you, he wouldn’t be hiding all of this from you. She told herself. Unless he realized that recruiting her might reveal his deep dark secret...or he had a change of heart. Jacquelyn did mention that I should be a year into my apprenticeship. Violet shook her head fiercely. You’re driving yourself insane, Vi. Get a grip. He’s your father, he didn’t kidnap you. He has his reasons for being secretive and it’s not that...it can’t be that...can it? Violet was not entirely sure what to think anymore. Everything relating to her father and VFD was dark and cryptic. She couldn’t tell if she was completely on track or so far off that it’s laughable. 

The timeline that played out in the letter was driving her insane. She didn’t know what was true or not, because she didn’t know Beatrice personally. But as she continued to read on, she was slowly starting to dismiss the ugly custody battle theory because, throughout the letter, her mother is sweet and compassionate. If an ugly custody battle had ensued than wouldn’t she be bitter, spiteful, and petty? 

Violet also realized that there were several parts of the letter that seemed to be in codes. Different kinds of codes, it looked like. But these passages were scattered all around the letter. She only thought this because there were a few passages that her mother had underlined ‘ring’ even if it was in a larger word like ‘daring’ or ‘tampering’. She remembered that at the movies, she’d hear a faint ring and her father would lift the spyglass to his face until she heard another faint ring. Could this be the same code just written down? Were there different variations of this code and many others. She rubbed her temples in frustration. How confusing was this fucking cult? Is that how they got people to stay? Confuse the fuck out of them and pique their curiosity with questions that they desperately wanted answers to? That way they’d sink so far into the rabbit hole that they couldn’t escape because their thirst for understanding would just grow throughout the years because they refused to leave without every answer since they didn’t want to admit they wasted all that time, energy and resources on nothing. Maybe there was no way to find all the answers. Maybe some questions had no answer at all. Again, to keep their members around until they figured everything out. Honestly, Violet wouldn’t put it passed them. It was starting to feel just like that. Every single time she answered a question, five new questions formed and this was the case with this letter. 

She had taken a break from reading to glance at the door to make sure her father wasn’t on his way in. No way she was going to let him catch her now. She found the jackpot.  She took the time to go retrieve her commonplace book. In case she needed to write down further questions and answers. 

When she returned to the letter she began reading a passage about her mother spending some time developing a botanical hybrid. She wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but she knew she couldn’t ask her father to define those words. He’d ask too many questions. Questions she couldn’t answer because she wasn’t a skillful liar like him. There was a strange mention of an island, that she and the new man had stayed at. Violet assumed that the way that this was all worded that it was either a part of some code or maybe her mother was being vague about her vacation to keep her location a secret from anyone who intercepted this letter.

She was happy to see that she was able to find the questions that her father had answered in his letter. But she didn’t pay much attention to those because of what her eyes had caught. Her mother was vaguely explaining what happened one night when they both made a decision that changed their lives forever. She assumed that this would be more important than knowing if she was correct with her assumptions of the questions that her mother had asked her father. 

As she read her mother’s vague explanation, her heart dropped. She didn’t know the full implications but it seemed to her that her mother was expressing guilt about a ‘mission’ that VFD had ordered her parents and two other members to do. She sees her mother explaining that ‘ she knows that Jacques had advised them both to stop coming into contact with them because it will be dangerous for both of them…’ she tried to remember who Jacques was. She believed that was the name of her uncle. But she wasn’t sure, she had unfortunately never met any of her family outside of her father. She continued to read on rolling her eyes at her mother’s vagueness when writing. She understood her mother’s possible reasoning behind this, this letter was meant for one set of eyes and those were her father’s. No one should be reading this letter, so her mother can be as cryptic and vague as she wants as long as she made sure that Lemony fully understood her. She sighed. If her mother had sent this in a more normalized way and not carrier crows than maybe she wouldn’t have been super paranoid about it getting into the wrong hands. 

As she read on, she could see that her mother expressed great guilt about her involvement in VFD’s crooked plot and how she knew that Lemony had felt equally guilty if not more since he was the one who convinced the other three that they should go along with it. Violet’s curiosity was intensified, she desperately wanted to know what VFD had her parents do. Her mother described it as heinous and morally ambiguous. She even quoted Lemony saying that he once described it as ‘a wicked deed being done for a noble cause’ and that he had even asked himself ‘what choice do we have?’ Beatrice went into detail how she believed that if they had stayed together, she believed they would’ve worked out but feared that they would be a constant reminder of this mistake they both made. Beatrice also went into detail (although in Violet’s opinion, her mother was beginning to be too vague again), that she didn’t want her father to take the blame at all. She was willing to confess to her part of the crime. 

Violet shuddered at the word ‘crime’. What did they do that was so horrible? She asked. Did they kidnap some children? She wondered, again, going back to the fact that she had recently learned that the cult that her parents had fallen victim to, kidnaps children and forces them to ‘volunteer’. Then her eyes caught on to one single word that sent Violet’s mind and heart spiraling down for different reasons. Her mother had written the word ‘ murder’ . Violet closed her eyes as she allowed this to sink in. 

Now as I’m sure you know, there are two very popular definitions for the word ‘murder’. One definition is used less often than the other for obvious reasons. But I will tell you both anyway. ‘Murder’ a phrase which here means both a group of crows and the act of killing another human being. Obviously, when Beatrice Baudelaire had written the word ‘murder’, she was not talking about a group of crows. She was talking about the act of killing another human being. So as Violet read the vaguely worded sentence that contained that specific word over and over again, her mind went into a frenzy. 

Her father had always been on the run since she was young. Although, if the letter’s timeline was the correct timeline, he was on the run a little before she was born. But either way, he had been on the run for as long as she could remember. He had always explained to her that it was because of false accusations that The Daily Punctilio had written about him. She believed this because anyone with half a brain cell could tell you that The Daily Punctilio was the most unreliable newspaper you’ll ever find. I mean, do you see who is the editor and chief? Elenora Poe, Mr. Poe’s wife. It would make sense that incompetence was attracted to incompetence. But Violet was seeing a written confession from her mother, although it was vaguely worded, it implicated that the so-called lies printed about her father in the newspaper were actually true (well not entirely, he did take all the blame for this and he did have three accomplices). Violet thought she was going to be sick. She didn’t want to believe that her parents were murderers but here it was in her mother’s shaky handwriting. She rubbed her temples and sighed angrily. She wanted to understand more about this...about this particular piece of her parents' history. 

She wanted to see if her father was correct in his assumption that they had done a ‘wicked thing for a noble reason’. She wanted to understand what exactly transpired to cause this chain of events that ended up with her mother retracting her proposal acceptance. She wanted to understand the actual timeline of events because she had two different timelines that were both equally as confusing. She wanted to understand just how far her parents were in VFD’s mindset to see how brainwashed they were. She didn’t want to see either of her parents in such a dark light. She wanted to find a logical explanation for all of this. But unfortunately for her, as she finished reading her mother’s letter, taking notes here and there. Gaining more questions than answers, as per usual. She was left with her curiosity eating away at her brain. She was left with every dark and twisty thought that she had when she was reading the letter. She felt like she was almost ready to question her father. She wanted to wait just a little longer and see what she can find.

She realized that the sun was setting and her father wasn’t home yet but she didn’t want to risk it. She wiped her tears from her eyes as she placed her the letter back into her father’s briefcase. Closing it up and making sure it was locked. She now knew the combination so being able to reaccess it would be simple. 

She decided to wait for her father to arrive home, hoping that he was safe. Even if she found out some scary secret about him and her mother today, it didn’t change how she looked at them. Well, not entirely. She still wanted to meet her birth mother and she knew the man her father was. She knew murder was wrong, but she hoped that they had a good reason. It wouldn’t change what they’d done but it’d be easier for her to simply ignore their faults and continue on the way she always had. 

As she sat quietly watching the door, she did decide one thing. If VFD had ordered her brainwashed parents to murder someone than that was an ‘organization’ she wanted absolutely nothing to do with. Who knows what they’d force her to do and what happens when you refuse? Violet didn’t want to ponder that. Although, if VFD had threatened to kill her parents, she could understand why they chose to carry out those orders. Unfortunately, she may have to ask her father about that because nowhere in her mother’s letter was that even implied or maybe it was but it was in some secret code. But either way, Violet wasn’t going to get the answer to that specific question until she was ready to confront her father and who knows by that time, she may have more revelations to ask about. All Violet knew is that her head was spinning and she was sliding down further and further into the rabbit hole...but what choice did she have?

[sometimesrosy]

Do you think the show will end with Bellarke as a family with biological children and Madi ofc. Or, will it end dark with one of them dead etc?

That I can’t say. JR once said that he didn’t know which way he was going to end the series. With hope for the heroes, or the heroes dead but giving hope to everyone else.

However, he said that a few years ago, and I feel like I’ve seen some changes in the show that trend towards the positive, rather than the tragic.

I actually have a theory that he’s being influenced by The Divine Comedy, that this story follows the track of that, loosely. And it’s not a baseless theory, seeing as there is a character named “Dante,” they showed a painting illustrating “The Inferno,” and named episode 3.03 after what was written over the gates of hell in the inferno, “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.” 

My original theory was that season 3 followed Dante’s Inferno. And it did kinda. But somewhere in season 4, I realized that Dante’s Inferno was only the first part of the trilogy, and the trilogy was called The Divine Comedy. 

Dante called his epic poem a comedy because, unlike tragedies that begin on a high note and end tragically, comedies begin badly but end well. The poem indeed ends well, with the protagonist, also named Dante, reaching his desired destination – heaven – a place of beauty and calm, light and ultimate good. [x]

Oh. Oh, hey look at this.

HOLY CRAP. Does that look familiar? Like the end of book one a bit? That is Dante and Beatrice at the end of their journey to heaven. [x]

ANYway. I’m flipping out a little bit googling paradiso and dante and beatrice. Divine Comedy is an allegory for morality, I think. I read The Inferno in college, but never Purgatorio or Paradiso. What I’m reading about Paradiso is a bit too heavy on the catholic mindset for me. I am not nor have I ever been Christian although I’ve studied a bit, so is a struggle for me. I’m trying to read through the christianity, which is fair for The 100, because it isn’t a christian allegory, although I’d say it is a moral one. 

But if I’m reading this right, we might have finished up with purgatorio with the finale of season 5, leaving Clarke and Bellamy as the central story and Clarke as the central figure in Bellamy’s life again. It seems as if they will be together during it, as Dante and Beatrice were? HOWEVER, there will be a time when Bellamy thinks he’s lost Clarke. Another Bellarke separation? I’d say definitely on the books. We’ve had one each season. This time I think it may be along the lines of “lost love” rather than a betrayal. So that will be our Bellarke “all is lost” moment, but in the finale they will be together again.

As long as this works on a one season storyline, not a two season one. TBH, the structure is pretty complicated and hard to pin down, because different storylines run on different structures. Some lasting one season or half a season and some lasting 5 seasons or beyond. I’m definitely leaning towards this Dante’s Divine Paradise being Bellamy’s story. So what is Clarke’s? The Illiad? Is she Odysseus or Penelope? Or both? IDK. 

Sorry I fell down the rabbit hole. My original point is that If this story is modeled after The Divine Comedy, that means it will end up well. Because a classic comedy starts out in hell and ends up happy… in heaven. They LITERALLY descended below the earth where they met monsters. You can find parallels in season 3 to the rings of hell. They have THREE realms, underground (hell), earth (purgatory) space (heaven.)  They are ascending and descending all the time. They have wise guides taking the role of virgil all the time (lincoln, maya, monty.)

However I think there is some ambiguity in the end of Paradiso, since humans CAN’T see the face of god. So The 100 will reach heaven and a happy ending, but we won’t really know how it ends for Clarke and Bellamy. (but I do believe them being together will be canon. Although the real Dante and Beatrice remained unrequited, the fictional Dante and Beatrice found true love and were together. Actually Dante wrote the story after Beatrice’s death I think.)

But let’s keep an eye out for that “Celestial Rose” imagery up there. With the symmetry and the central mandala like figure. We’ve already seen it with the final scene and Clarke and Bellamy seeing the new planet. AND we got a sneak peek of another with that bts castle pick. The shape in the arch is ANOTHER Celestial Rose, so that makes me think we’ll have some spirituality on the new planet and I think it will be literal, not metaphorical. I think the alien whatever is going to be like a god. 

I never read Purgatorio or Paradiso and I’m not going to, but I’m seeing a lot of symbolism that it shares in common with The 100, and actually that has been in a lot of science fiction and fantasy and mythology that I’ve read and watched all my life. Maybe that’s why I’m picking up on it here. It’s an archetypal story based on The Divine Comedy, but filtering throughout all sorts of stories we tell.

Let me post this. I’m just thinking things through at this point. Hope you can follow.

[jewishsnickets]

THE DANHAN EXPERIENCE

FIRST OF ALL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IM GONNA TRY TO WRITE STUFF DOWN BUT IT’LL BE JUMBLED BC IM SHAKEN AND IM YELLING

first of all he showed up like 20min late lmao

he came in through the back door, saw the crowd, and skidded back in for a second haha

he showed up with another author who. i forget her name at the moment but i bought her book too she was super neat!!!! very fun!!!

she started out with “he gave me a weird licorice drop, which is what i fantasized he’d have in his pockets, until i read atdp anyway”, and he said “is that a licorice drop or am i happy to see you?”

“a dedication to my wife in the front of the book, and prince in the back, which is how i’d want that to happen”

(discussing a book he’d read about queer women (his words) if there is no place made for you, you will steal a place. and that gets dangerous. so we need to make a place for everyone.>

atdp was inspired by a gay friend of his saying “cant wait to visit my parents back home, and all my exes, and all their wives”

he writes kids’ and adult books exactly the same way, but sees mystery as inherent in kids’ lit. “make the words be good.” “make it not terrible.”

“it’s a mess. a love triangle sounds like it’ll look okay from a certain angle. this is a mess.”

“if someone made you rewrite a book which would you do” he talked about how bad he is at hypotheticals because the only force he could imagine making him do this is if nazis showed up again, (just as his family always said they would), pushed him on the ground with a gun, and he guesses he’d write another adverbs because he could just pick some more people to be in love.

“the world is on fire but things are getting better!”

he overheard a boy talking to a girl on a bus about past gfs and the boy referred to them as their bra size instead of their names

he talked about ‘total sexual liberation’ leading to a kind of ‘monsterous’ way of living that hurts women

when he saw the girls auditioning for violet he was like “oh youre gonna miss so much school i hope your mom says you cant do it”

also, seeing the complete lack of flirting/sexualization element in these girls (bc they were young!!) made him realize how many business etc convos between adults involve unessesary sexualized elements and he was kinda horrified it took him that long to notice

the other author said she’d ‘been down the daniel handler interview rabbit hole’ so....thanks, me too honestly. ren, dreary, we are in good company

sending a book out into the world is kind of like sending a child out in that cliched way but a lot like seeing an ex you get along with do well. “oh, she married kirkus? good for her! wow, he’s dating a boy from netflix!”

when he realized the detective and the femme fatale were the same role but genderflipped, he knew how to write ellington feint, and called her a hero.

the other author had read a writing help book where it was “dont leave your draft too long, or (some author name i forget) will steal your idea!!!” and he was like “oh no! im not home right now! shes breaking into my home, drinking my booze, and stealing my book!”

THINGS I SAID TO HIM

i asked about the total objectification of women, said it was unsettling, and if he meant it to be, he said he was just staying true to cole’s character. uhhh then i.....said it took me two reads to get over the repulsion and enjoy the book (i meant a less harsh word i just AAA yknow???) and he said he was very flattered, because to spend time getting over being repulsed by a book means i either had a lot of respect for it, or too much time on my hands.

then he signed my copy of the bad beginning! and i told him my brother got it for me for chanukah and he said ‘aw i love a good chanukah story’. and i told him uhhh that whenever i worry that women can have the male gaze, i will think of atdp, and go “phew, we cannot”. and he said “women have their own gaze, i dont know why youd want the male one.” and i said “you can keep it, yeah”

AND THEN I APOLOGIZED FOR TRYING TO SAY “I LOVE YOUR WORK” BUT IT KEPT COMING OUT AS INSULTS??? AAA BUT HE SAID THANKS AND HE WAS GLAD THAT I WAS LIKE. ENGAGING WITH HIS BOOKS

anyway then i said what he needed to know was that i had a dream that i heard a noise in the middle of the night and i sat up in bed and said ‘im not interested in joining the vfd’ and went back to sleep and he said ‘you remain unaffiliated!’ so thats confirmed

also he was talking later about ppl getting tattoos of his signatures, which he thinks is very creepy, and has to hypnotize himself into taking as a compliment, or beatrice dedications, “i always want to say no think about the future!! what happens when your lover has a head on your chest and sees that”, but vfd eyes? loves seeing people with those. (me: the most sinister one of them all?? THATS what you’re fine with??? lol)

he signed the atdp copy i got out of the library, and added “please remember to give this back!” haha

and me and my friend got to wish him a happy rosh hashana

I SHOULDVE TOLD HIM YOU CHOOSE THE MYSTERY SAVED MY LIFE A LOT BUT I JUST REMEMBERED THOSE WORDS RIGHT NOW. AAESRTSDYTJDHTDGHTF

[juliawanag]

Unfortunate Entry: The Bad Beginning

Back then when I was thirteen years old, almost fourteen, I came upon a glorious bookshelf, in a book store, at the mall. My siblings already found a book for themselves, while I, with my indecisiveness at its best, haven’t. Like I told you I was thirteen, because of that Children’s Fiction is my section, and for a couple of minutes I searched something very interesting to read.  There I came to see a little unusual book, beautifully entitled by the edges : “A Series of Unfortunate Events : 1 : THE BAD BEGINNING”. As a little girl along the ages of twelve and below, my life is full of rainbows, sparkles and sunshine, so very much I did’t think about “negativity” and that I very much don’t like it in my life. But well I picked up a book that has a title of “negativity”, I still wonder why. I liked the book, unfortunately judged it by its cover, then I turned to see the back part of the book, expecting to read a short summary of a story. But I didn’t saw one, the usual one at least. Instead, I came upon a letter of the author, that insist me on putting down the very book I’m reading. I felt as if he’s talking to me, and I did not listen, because today you will find that book in my little pile of books, thirteen books to be precise.

     We came home, and I started reading the book. I liked it a lot because it doesn’t have much praises and labels like “New York Times #1 Bestseller”, because I’m a freaking little “hippie” or something. Then I came upon a tragic dedication, for Beatrice, I like it even more, and I was like “I feel you”, for a thirteen years old. Back then, I thought it was true, but now I realized it’s all real. Nope, no one can’t stop me. In the story, I met three lovely children, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, all of them a obviously adore. And I, very much, like the fact they are three siblings, and has a middle child that is a reader. Because I am a middle child, and I’m being a reader myself. And I was thirteen, ain’t that nice coincidence. I realize as well that the book contains thirteen chapter, and it is a series that contains thirteen books, and again I was thirteen then. Then I became a little Gothic hippie, not much but likely. And did you know what happened next? I bought the twelve followed sequels, and watched a film, and a season of television series adapted to it. And I figuratively fell into this rabbit hole, and there’s no getting out of it.

  I’m sorry to inform you, that I, will be starting to blog about a beloved series that I adore much. And when I meant by “series”, I meant a series of books that tells a woeful tale.

(obviously inspired by Lemony Snicket’s narration, idk but I tried).

[lovelydialeonard]

Seems as I’ve fallen down the Beatrice Ogilvie rabbit hole again.

[thecraftybug]

Finding the Illustrator behind the Loreto Embroideries

I have set out for you below, an article by Mary Corbet from her website regarding her “discovery” of the designer of the Loreto Embroideries.  If you are interested in ecclesiastical embroideries, then you will find this article quite fascinating.

In it, Mary explains that, while exploring the work of one Ezio Anachini in relation to illustrations of Dante’s Divine Comedy, she saw his postcard illustrations depicting the titles of the Blessed Virgin in the Litany of Loreto.  By comparing these illustrations to the embroideries she is of no doubt that it was Anachini’s illustrations which inspired the Loreto Embroideries.

Take a look at Mary’s reasoning in her article here and see if you agree:

I want to take you on a little exploratory excursion into the art and illustration behind a famous collection of embroidered panels. Being rather the curious sort, I tend to fall into little rabbit holes when I start exploring, and sometimes, the results can be rather serendipitous!

In 2015 and 2016, the Royal School of Needlework (RSN) made their collection of ecclesiastical embroideries available to public view through the exhibit For Worship and Glory.

If you were fortunate enough to see the exhibit in person, lucky you! For those of us who weren’t, the catalog of the exhibit is still available here through the Royal School of Needlework.

It’s a beautiful catalog, and worth adding to your collection if you are keen on ecclesiastical or historical embroidery. It covers many items in the exhibit, besides the Loreto embroideries.

The Loreto embroideries held by the RSN have always enchanted me. I’ve mentioned them several times here on Needle ‘n Thread, and I’ve collected pretty much every printed bit from the RSN about them.

Over the years, the RSN offered different printed images of the Loreto embroideries – from postcards to greeting cards, a booklet, and lately, this exhibition catalog, which I think shows off the embroideries beautifully.

Since little seems to be known about the Loreto embroideries and who designed and executed them, I’ve always kept my eye out for similar works, hoping to find the artist connection. Someone had to draw them, after all.

The RSN acquired 12 panels altogether from the Mayfield Convent in Surrey, when it closed in the 1970’s. The catalog states:

As embroideries these are remarkable pieces. Obviously designed, but we do not know by whom, worked to a high standard probably by the nuns. They also show what can be achieved with a limited colour palette and a remarkably limited stitch selection. We believe them to be 20th century works, despite the “pre-Raphaelite” hair.

The Divine Comedy & a Rabbit Hole

My “infatuation” with Dante and the Divine Comedy began when I was in college, and almost-30-something years later, I still love to read Dante when the mood strikes. I’m a bit of a collector of Divine Comedy-related stuff, from editions, to art, to even … yes… Dante and Beatrice book ends. What can I say?

So it wasn’t unusual that, one day, I was exploring online, looking for illustrations of the Divine Comedy.

Familiar with Gustave Doré’s ubiquitous illustrations, I was looking for something different and a little less common.

In my explorations, I came across the Divine Comedy illustrations by Italian artist Tiburzio Ezio Anichini (1886 – 1948). Initially, these were actually postcards commemorating the 600th anniversary in 1921 of Dante’s death.

From there, I fell down a rabbit hole, exploring Anichini’s illustrations and artwork.

Ezio Anichini was born in Florence in 1886. He was the son of artist Giuseppe Anichini (1862 – 1936), and better known than his father, thanks to his profuse cover illustrations for Scena Illustrata, a popular Italian magazine based in Florence, and for many other popular magazines at the time. He was also a book illustrator.

Anichini was an Art Nouveau artist – or at least, his work belongs to that stylistic era. The Art Nouveau movement revolved around a rather short-lived artistic style that embraced art, architecture, textiles, and design. The style was popular from about 1890-1910, springing initially from the Arts and Crafts movement of the second half the 1800’s in Britain, of which William Morris was a big player.

As the Art Nouveau movement spread around Europe, each country contributed its own twist and interpretation, as is always the case. In Italy, Stile Liberty – apparently called so due to the influence of the designs of Liberty of London – lasted perhaps a little longer than the Art Nouveau movement, which was pretty much going out of style by 1910, to be replaced with Art Deco.

Anichini is the Illustrator behind the Loreto Embroideries

In any case, that’s the era Ezio Anichini was artsying about in, and that is the era that certainly influenced his Loreto drawings.

Between approximately the years 1915 – 1920, Anichini produced at least 38 postcards depicting the titles of the Blessed Virgin in the Litany of Loreto. You can see images of the 38 postcards here, on Bibliografia e Informazione.

He is definitely the illustrator behind the Litany of Loreto embroideries held by the RSN.

If you compare the embroideries above to the illustrations, I don’t think there can be much doubt that he was the original illustrator. Whether or not the embroideries were worked with his knowledge or his participation in the drawings and any variations in them – who knows?

Perhaps the embroideries were simply the adventurous undertaking of someone inspired by the postcards. Certainly the original embroiderers would have had a copy of the drawings in some form.

Besides the twelve images that are the basis of the Loreto embroideries held by the RSN, there are 26 other images in the same style by Anichini depicting the further titles of the Virgin in the Litany of Loreto, ten short of the list of titles in the litany during Anichini’s time. Maybe he drew all 48? Bibliografia e Informazione was the most thorough source I could find of his Loreto drawings, so, again, who knows?

In any case, it was a happy discovery, to find the artist whose work inspired the beautiful Loreto embroideries!

To read the original article, click here: http://www.needlenthread.com/2017/02/finding-the-illustrator-behind-the-loreto-embroideries.html

The Litany of Loreto is another name for the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary, a Marian litany of the Catholic Church that emanated from Loreto.  The Basilica della Santa Casa (Basilica of the Holy House) in Loreto is known for enshrining the house in which the Blessed Virgin Mary is believed to have lived and has been a pilgrimage site since the early 14th century.  You can find out more about the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary by checking out this article on Wikipedia.

The following blog post Finding the Illustrator behind the Loreto Embroideries was first published to Crafty Bug's Sewing Blog