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7wanderingpaws · 3 years

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Always, yours (2)

(gif not mine) - THIS Baek tho..... ㅠ

Warnings: none

Word count: 6.5K

Tags: @geniusloey (please let me know if you want to be un/tagged!)

❤ Enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts! ^^ Have a good start of the week!❤

Also, the new apartment!

Masterlist / story masterlist

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Second - My name is Lee Junho and I will be your trainer

You stood at the entrance of the gym, your palms somehow clammy. You didn’t realize putting on leggings would look this bad. Tears welled up in your eyes when Sukyeong took your hand to yank you inside.

“C’mon, don’t be ridiculous,” she whispered to you and when she managed to pull you inside, she pressed her fisted hand against your back, making you walk ahead. “You look great! You don’t even look like you’ve been pregnant,” she hissed in your ear.

Arguable, you thought right away but decided not to be any more negative. The only good point was you were able to leave home without the triplets. Baekhyun, just as promised, was home by six so you didn’t have to worry about leaving them at the baby corner (it was baby safe, you went to check the place out).

Slightly bowing to the other girls as you walked past, most of them your age or older, you decided to be in the back, far away from the teaching lady. You imagined her being young, and very fit. Her black hair would be shiny and she would have make-up to look perfect. A great way to ruin one’s self-esteem such as yours.

However, a single nudge from Sukyeong and your non-existent self-esteem basically vanished into thin air. Instead, anxiety with a sprinkle of bewitchedness, hit you for in walked a handsome male, around Baekhyun's age, with eyes like that of a cat's; narrow and sharp, his features leveled, nose straight with a pair of plump lips. He had longer dark hair that fell over his forehead in fluffy waves.

“Good evening, ladies!” he announced himself, clapping twice to gain everyone's attention. He didn't have to do it though; more than half of the ladies were already salivating over him, including your best friend. When the trainer saw wide eyes on him, he let out a boyish chuckle and this time, you couldn't escape the charm either. He was incredibly handsome. “My name is Lee Junho and I will be your trainer! I have some experience with working out,” he joked and, of course, everyone laughed louder than it was necessary. His toned chest and arms spoke volumes about his experience. “Please, let me know in advance if there are any injuries you have so that I can adjust the exercises to you accordingly. Do you have any questions?” He looked around with interest, his eyes skimming through any possible curious hand.

“Should I tell him that I'm…. you know,” you mumbled to Sukyeong but before you could finish your sentence, you shook your head, stopping yourself. It will be alright, you thought. As always, you made sure to feed the triplets properly and pump your breasts, so you expected no problems with the excessive breast milk leaking over your t-shirt this time.

Just like that, you found yourself jumping up and down as the exercise started. Lee Junho seemed to be a great professional, always adjusting everyone's postures to ensure full effectiveness. With the help of the deafening pop music, everything seemed suddenly possible. Until it came to you and until he lingered more by your side than the rest of the girls.

It was to be expected, but you still felt stupid. You couldn't do the push-ups like all the other girls who already had a great body. Meanwhile, hidden under Baekhyun's huge black shirt that you stole, was your still-fading baby bump. It was difficult to even try to get your shoulders off the mat as you did sit-ups; you were heaving loudly, sweat dripping down your face.

“Push just a little bit more,” murmured Junho with an encouraging smile as he put his hand between your shoulder blades, helping you sit up higher. It was a good support, but your abs were on fire, numbing everything that was made out of your core. “That's right, keep doing it like that.”

You hummed, and tried a few more times before giving up. Sukyeong wasn't that much better than you, but she still could sit up. She flashed you a small smile and mouthed: “Are you okay?”

You nodded, resting your head on the mat, trying to breathe through the workout.

As you moved through various core strengthening exercises, you started to feel it. The hurting in your breasts, the kind of feeling that you tried to prevent from happening at all costs. The closest you could compare it to was rocks.

You felt yourself panicking when you looked at Junho who was paying attention to someone else. If you wouldn't leave now, it would be too late.

“I'll be back in a minute,” you told Sukyeong, scrambling up to shaky legs. Baekhyun's shirt was getting wet now, your sports bra quickly becoming a bucket full of milk. Making few quick steps, you walked over to the door when Junho spoke up:

“Oi, are you okay? Are you sick?” He came running to you by the entrance door.

You shook your head with a polite smile. “I really need to use the bathroom.”

“Oh, we will be finishing up soon,” he said, giving you a look. Right, kids in kindergarten were learning how to hold their pee in, not how to hold back the breast milk.

You were embarrassed, but you still said: “Well, I ate something bad and this won't wait any longer-” you pushed the door open and jogged for the toilets, already pushing up the soaked shirt. Once safely inside, you yanked down the sports bra and let the milk out. You exhaled a loud sigh of relief. You knew this would cause a little mess as it was several streaks that were leaking, the milk staining everything around.

Chewing your lips, you strained your ears when you heard commotion outside, the class most probably finished. You'd been in the toilets for at least ten minutes now, so you expected Sukyeong to come search for you soon.

There was a hasty knock on the door and you were fast to hide your chest back under the shirt. Then you heard your best friend's whisper: “It's just me! Can I come in?”

You were fast to give her the permission. She closed the door behind her and you took out your breasts again, the milk once again spraying everywhere. Sukyeong scratched her head, clueless. “I have a spare shirt. Here,” she handed you the white thermal-shirt.

You shook your head. “No, I cannot wear this. It'll stain and I bet the shirt was expensive,” you bit your lip. Before she could protest with a conflicted gaze, you just waved your hand nonchalantly. “I'll be done soon. It's already much better. Besides, I don't think I could push it over my chest. I'm huge,” you admitted quietly, a little embarrassed. You trusted Sukyeong and she would never joke or judge but it was still an uncomfortable situation only Baekhyun was allowed to witness. When you saw she wasn't convinced, you added with a smile: “Baekhyun gave me a sweater before coming here, so I will wear that. Go and get our stuff? I'll be out in a minute.”

“Will you be fine?” she said, her eyes widening in small fear at the sight of the milk.

“Of course,” you winked. She gave you a look over and when she was convinced, she turned, leaving you in the toilets alone.

Just a few minutes later and the flow finally calmed down. You took some toilet paper, wiping yourself up before cleaning up the surroundings. You were drained and you didn't even finish the workout.

When you were sure everything looked decent, you finally walked back to the gym. It was empty; only some distant sounds of chattering coming your way. Sukyeong was in the corner, entertaining the trainer.

“Are you okay?” he asked you when you walked over to them, taking your bag and your phone along the way. Junho didn't look necessarily worried, but he seemed to care enough about his clients which you found good enough.

“Yes,” you smiled half-heartedly. “Thank you.”

Sukyeong bowed to Junho. “Then we will take our leave!”

“Alright, it was nice meeting you. I will see you on Thursday, ladies,” he pressed a smile, bowing politely. He kept following you with his sharp eyes and, unconsciously, you became shy under his scrutiny. There was something happening whenever your eyes met and you weren't sure what it was. Maybe you were just making it up because he was handsome and you wanted to believe he had an eye for you. It would make you feel like you could have been special.

“Goodness, what a hotshot,” murmured Sukyeong to you as the both of you left the premises of the gym. “He is so smart!”

You sighed, quickly putting on the sweater Baekhyun pushed into your hand before leaving the apartment. You will be sweaty, make sure to wear this once you're done, he would tell you. “You managed to get something out of him?”

“Doesn't seem to be here just to eye the girls,”she informed you proudly as she slugged her bag over her shoulder. “So that is a plus point!”

She led the both of you to the carpark, her shiny small Kia awaiting you near the exit. It was a good idea to park it nearby as you didn't have to walk more on your wobbly legs. Once seated inside, you threw your bag on the backseat and sighed, leaning your head back against the headrest.

“Are you alright?” asked Sukyeong, uncertainty evident in her eyes as she placed her bag behind her seat and turned back front, pressing the button to bring the car to life.

You nodded, though she couldn't see you. “I'm okay, thank you.” You hesitated. “Maybe a little embarrassed,” you finally admitted, staring out of your window to see other women entering their cars. Many of them owned Mercedes' or BMWs and you instantly wondered how they were able to afford such a car at such a young age.

“Oh, dear, no.” Sukyeong was fast to turn to grab your thigh, trying to bring your diverted attention to her. “There is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I literally told him if I don't leave I will poo myself,” you whined and turned to her dramatically.

Sukyeong was about to refute but she stopped, surprised at your words. “Wait, you told him that?”

You nodded, exasperated. “I told the handsome dude I can't keep it in if he won't let me leave. I couldn't possibly tell him: yo, move or else I'll shoot you down with my breastmilk now, could I?”

She burst out into a huge laughter, her nose scrunching up in the process. “Well, if you say it like that!”

Both of you were now laughing, though you were more on the desperate side. You really made an idiot out of yourself while still having the issue of controlling your milk.

“You know, I think it would be good to tease Baekhyun a little bit. I told you that you shouldn’t let him prioritize his job. If he does it you need to show him you aren’t someone he can take for granted.”

Your joyful smile slowly melted into a frown. “Baekhyun never took me for granted and you also know it.”

“Of course I know it! I’d trust Baekhyun with my life,” she insisted quickly and started driving out of the car park and out to the busy Seoul traffic. It was incredible how this city never slept. “I’m just trying to say that a little bit of teasing never hurt anyone. You’re now a mother and you have three kids together.”

Small silence took over the car. You were looking out of the window, enjoying the unusual luxury of being in a car instead of a packed bus while your mind was roaming over what your friend said. “So, you say our relationship can become rusty? He would lose interest after some time now that I’m not so... fresh?”

Sukyeong breathed out a small laugh at the choice of your words. “I doubt Baekhyun would get tired of you. Ever. It is true that men see their women differently after birthing their children.” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, thinking over what to tell you. “You’re only twenty-three —you’re too young, so make sure to let him know you’re still full of life and can become hard to tie down.”

You let out a doubtful snort but you felt uneasy at the topic. It never occurred to you that one day you and Baekhyun wouldn’t be together. It never occurred to you that you could lose love for each other because both of your interests would change and he would seek consolation from another partner and maybe you would stay alone. This wasn’t a new thought to you; Jiyoung, Baekhyun’s ex colleague, was challenging you more than enough in the past but even then you knew Baekhyun wasn’t interested in her. What if he found someone that actually piqued his interest?

You shook your head quickly, rejecting the ugly idea. “You city girls have a very interesting way of thinking.”

“Just do it.” Sukyeong looked at you with excited eyes when she stopped at another red light. “Mention a hot trainer and see what’ll happen,” she told you wickedly, giggling.

Upon arriving at home, you were met with Baekhyun's high-pitched talk. It calmed you down right away, and you felt like in safe haven after the small fight in the gym.

“I'm home,” you sing-sang, dropping the bag down by the entrance and taking off the sweater.

Baekhyun faked a gasp. “Who is it, Jun? Is it mummy? Let's check it out quickly!” And within a second, he appeared with Jun hanging off his connected arms, pretending he was on an airplane. Even though you trusted Baekhyun with keeping the baby safe in his arms, it gave you a little heart attack. Besides, triplets were still too small for that. “Look, Jun, it's mummy!” he exclaimed while looking over his shoulder, most probably checking Juna and Junhee. “Welcome home, babe,” he told you with a leveled voice, looking at you now. He adjusted Jun in his arms, having his head on his shoulder while you took off your shoes, watching him.

Your husband looked so incredibly soft. His hair was now covering his forehead, somehow making his eyes look much more puppy-eyed, just like the baby he was holding. Despite being so wide and incredibly manly, you had the urge to squeeze his cheeks like you would do to your triplets, because he was so adorable, so loveable. He was wearing his huge white T-shirt and black pants and no socks; the typical look when he was home, but for some reason, after going through challenges in the gym, you felt like he was much more inviting and cuddly, providing you comfort by simply being him, by simply staring at you with those soft eyes. He was so Baekhyun.

“I see you are having a good time,” you noted with a smile and stood on your tiptoes when Baekhyun demanded a kiss with puckered lips like a little duck. You made sure to cradle Jun’s tiny butt, your expert hand immediately knowing he had a change of the nappy recently.

“Now it's much better,” he muttered, kissing you with a loud smooch. “How was the work-out?” he asked when he straightened up, rocking Jun exaggeratedly in his arms. Just then, his eyes dropped to your chest, the white stains very much obvious on the black textile. “Shit, did you leak?”

You shrugged, not wanting to talk about it as you walked past him to greet your daughters that were on the playmat with their little toys. “I should have known better.” Baekhyun followed you, watching as you sat down and kissed the two baby girls. “Time to change the nappies over here, hm?” Your voice was light as you touched the babies’ butts but you were surprised when they were all clean, too. Baekhyun must have worked hard during your absence.

“Sweetheart, we should go to the doctor's,” Baekhyun told you as he sat down on the couch in front of the play mat. Jun squirmed in his arms, whimpering, so he laid him gently on the blanket that was splayed next to him. “I don't like this and they could solve the issue.”

You took Junhee's tiny feet into your hands, massaging them, the skin incredibly smooth under your palm. “I'm scared they will do something that will prevent me from feeding them.”

“You know it doesn't matter whether you feed them breast milk or we give them formula. You breastfed long enough anyway. This is about your well-being, too.”

“I just want them to be close to me as much as possible,” you said, lowering your voice. It made you remember how you didn’t even think much about feeding your kids while being pregnant, and now here you were, reluctant to let go of breastfeeding. Three babies was a lot of hard work, but it was always your dream to be a mother. You wanted to make sure you really didn’t have a choice before you would make a decision. Baekhyun was correct, but you still believed the longer you were with the babies the stronger would be your bond with them. “It's a good way for them to be connected to me.”

Baekhyun observed you for a moment before checking Jun whose feet were up in the air, his tiny hands coming up to pat on them clumsily. He was a little baby ball discovering all the possible movements his body was slowly able to make. “I understand. I just want you to know that it isn't a bad thing if you stop doing it. Some women can't breastfeed at all.”

“Because they are unable to, Baekhyun.” The way your voice had an edge to it made you look up at him to catch a little panic in his eyes. He didn't want to make you upset and you felt guilty right away. “I am perfectly able to provide them with milk, but I overproduce and yes it makes my life a little more difficult but I don’t want to lose this opportunity. I'd rather not go.”

“Okay, as you wish,” he gave up quickly, not wanting to argue. He understood why you would be upset. And usually, he would try to be more persistent since he didn’t want you to suffer but he could sense your damp mood; the workout most probably gave you a harder time, he guessed. And, of course, he, as a man, couldn't comprehend completely what you were going through when your milk was flowing from you like an unstoppable mountain stream.

You hummed and stood up, your ankles sighing at the movement. “I'll go wash up.”

Baekhyun followed you with his gaze until you disappeared in the corridor that led towards your shared bedroom. He looked back down at Jun and then at the girls on the mat. “Well, what shall we do to make mummy feel better?” he pouted at them.

Small baby gurgles came back to him in response. “Right, I agree,” he replied thoughtfully. He was quiet for a moment, only hearing the distant sounds from the TV and your movements in the bedroom. Checking the clock on the opposite wall, he was fast to jump up. “Now, you naughty kids, it’s way past your bedtime and you still don’t sleep! Let’s get you all to the crib before mommy comes back!”

Since the triplets were calm, he knew they would fall asleep soon. He made sure their energy would be somehow drained while you were away although he was sure he used up more energy than they did. It was difficult to work with infants and he didn’t know how you managed it on a daily basis nonstop. Another reason for him to admire and respect you.

“I’ll see you whenever you wake us up,” he told them when he put Jun, the last baby, in the crib. He laughed gently to himself and observed his offsprings with a tender gaze. He had to admit that Jun looked like him when he was a baby. Junhee was definitely your splitting image while Juna seemed to be in the middle, though her eyes were Baekhyun’s, too. She was the perfect mix of you and him.

He wondered which one of them would love hapkido. He wondered which one of them would be smart in mathematics like you were. Which one of them would hate foreign languages and cucumbers? Which one of them would cry the most in the kindergarten and which one of them would always be the quiet one? Baekhyun hoped and wished that the triplets would have a special bond that would always protect them from getting hurt by other people. After all, the world kept getting harsher and harsher day by day.

“I’ll always be there for you,” he whispered just when Junhee’s eyes closed, her small mouth hanging open when she let go of the pacifier. “You’ll always have me and mummy to protect you. Always.”

You took your time in the bathroom. Muscles you didn't know existed were aching, so you took the luxury to let yourself be soaked in warm water a little bit longer. There was a soft knock on the door and you quickly let Baekhyun enter.

He was expressionless but when you locked eyes as he closed the door with his back, he pulled a smile meant only for you. “Do you feel better?” he asked quietly, setting the monitor on the sink before walking up to you. He leaned down, pecking you on the top of your head.

“Much better,” you sighed, closing your eyes when you felt his hand slide down your cheek and to your neck. Since he brought in the monitor with him, you took it he managed to put the babies to sleep. It only made you feel worse that you still could become irritated at such a good husband like Baekhyun. “Sorry I snapped at you.”

“No,” he was fast to mutter against your hair, his thumb grazing the skin on your jaw. “I understand. I am just worried, is all.”

“I know, and I don't appreciate it enough,” you replied and Baekhyun pulled away to look down at you with crinkled eyes.

“You do much more, sweetheart. Don't be so harsh on yourself, hm?” He let go of you and slid down next to the bathtub, his back against it. You had the urge to splash him with water but you decided you would have a water fight another day. “Besides, you went to work out after a full day of mothering. It's only natural you'd be frustrated.”

“If only you couldn't read me so well.”

Baekhyun smiled to himself. “How could I tease you if I wouldn't know my wife so well, hm?”

He heard you let out a small chuckle from behind him. “Life would be so much easier.”

Your husband laughed and turned his head to look at you over his shoulder. Water was just barely covering your chest, your cheeks were rosy from the heat and your baby hair was curled up from the humidity. Goodness, he couldn't stop staring. You looked like an angel.

“What?” you murmured, his intense gaze making you pink even more.

“Nothing,” was his breathy reply. “Just admiring my gorgeous little lady.”

With a shy smile, you sat up, causing small waves in the bathtub, and you pressed your lips to his pouty ones. His eyes widened playfully and when you wanted to pull back, he chased your lips, grounding you. You smiled, bringing your wet hand up to his cheek, but he didn't react to the wetness, simply prolonging the innocent kiss. “You know,” you told him when you separated, your noses still touching. Baekhyun hummed in interest, watching your lips before he flickered his orbs up to yours. “There was a really hot guy in the gym.”

Baekhyun blinked a couple of times, letting your words sink in and he was fast to withdraw from you. “What?”

You giggled, satisfied at his reaction. It wasn't that bad to listen to Sukyeong's offer after all. “Yes, he was the one leading the class today.”

“A hot guy leading a class for women?” he repeated, surprised.

Now then, why did he ever expect you to just not pay attention to other males? You never did, or so he thought, but he was still taken aback. The way your eyes sparkled in mischief was an obvious sign that you were just trying to rile him up for whatever reason, yet he still felt a little protective. Did that man look at you, too?!

“Why, you don't like it?” you quipped, poking your tongue out to him.

He observed you giggling, your eyes crinkled up when you took note of his disapproval. Something moved within him. “You want me to like it?”

You sighed lovingly and booped his nose. “I want you to like me, silly. I’m just playing around.”

Baekhyun huffed, offended, and spoke in a prominent pout: “I don't like it, young lady. You have me. You have triplets with me. I love you. And you love me.”

“That, I do.” Bringing up in the air your left hand, you looked how the band on your fourth finger caught the light in the bathroom. “And here is the proof.”

He was looking up at your hand and he joined it with his, his own ring shining just like yours. He enveloped his fingers around yours gently. “Why would you try to make oppa worried about such things?” murmured Baekhyun in wonder as he stood up and towered over you. He let go of your hand and leaned further down so his face was close to yours, his long neck chain swaying in the air between you. “Oppa doesn't like sharing, but you know that, right?”

You nodded, awaiting his next words. Except, it wasn't words. Baekhyun surprised you by swiftly lowering his hands into the warm water to grab a hold of you under your knees and waist. You squealed, suddenly scared you might slip out of his grip so you quickly circled your arms around his neck, water splashing everywhere. But seeing his biceps flexing you knew he was much better than Lee Junho or any other trainer there was.

“I'm naked and wet, Baekhyun!” you screamed and Baekhyun laughed loudly, enjoying your little panic as he moved you out of the bathtub, bringing you over where the sink was.

“Hmm, exactly,” he hummed in appreciation, his eyes twinkled and you quickly hid your face in his neck, embarrassed. “You don't get to play with oppa's heart like that and not get punished, baby girl.”

Despite the excitement, he put you down, more worried about you catching a cold than teasing the hell out of you. As soon as your legs were on the floor, you slapped his chest, making the male groan. “You silly! You could have dropped me!”

“I would never,” he denied quietly, pecking you sweetly and reaching for the towel that was hanging next to the bathtub. “And don't forget,” he reminded, wrapping the towel around your shoulders, making sure it was catching every drop of water, “that you still have a punishment list from when you were pregnant. Don't think I forgot.”

Your eyes widened in horror and you frowned at him like a little kid though secretly you really thought he had forgotten. “You are being so mean right now!”

Baekhyun only smirked and tapped your naked bum gently as he brought your body closer. “You asked for it. From now on, I won't hold back anymore,” he murmured, brushing your hair behind your ear. It tickled.

There were feelings of excitement, eagerness and curiosity bubbling in your tummy, or maybe those were just the butterflies Baekhyun awakened whenever he did something heart-fluttering and challenging to your relationship. It was a long time since you two had been together, but finding ways to ignite the passion and desire in the both of you was Baekhyun's specialty. And you would try to make it yours, now that you seemed to find a weak spot of his.

“You can start by kissing me as a thank you for bringing you out of the tub,” he said when you didn't reply.

You scoffed and re-adjusted the towel, bringing it around your body. It made you feel conscious that you were completely naked in front of him, although Baekhyun didn't even pay attention. His own clothes were wet since he brought you out of the water. The white tshirt was stuck to his stomach, perfectly outlining his muscles.

Baekhyun pursed his lips when you didn't listen. You turned to walk out of the bathroom but he was fast to grab your wrist, turning you back to him. “I said, give me a kiss.”

“No!” You shook your head resolutely, sticking your lower lip out as you frowned, hoping to make him agitated.

The excitement in you only doubled when Baekhyun quirked an eyebrow, leaning his head closer to yours and turning his smooth cheek towards you as he tapped his long index finger on it. “C’mon, a peck for oppa.”

His other hand sneakily wandered to your side to tickle you and you were fast to giggle crazily, pushing his hand away. “Okay, okay,” you said quickly and pressed your lips to his awaiting cheek. He hummed, feeling your mouth stretched in a smile and he turned his face, his lips colliding with yours.

You squealed, wanting to step back - because he was being unfair - but his hands sneaked around your waist, bringing you to him and therefore successfully caging you in. He urged your mouth open, slowly pushing his tongue into your cavern that became quickly eager to feel him. You sighed and slid your hands up his sturdy chest. You nibbled on his lip though he quickly stopped you when he sucked on your tongue hard, bringing out a small moan out of you. He made out with you sensually and you knew you were becoming giddy because of him.

He let his hands grope your bum, giving a good massage to your aching muscles and you moaned again, satisfied. “I guess I will have to show you a much better workout routine,” Baekhyun whispered when he let go of your lips with a smack.

Your heart skipped a beat when you realized there really wasn’t anything standing in your way. The triplets were asleep and Baekhyun riled you up so much it would be difficult to lie down next to him without touching him. “Then show me, oppa,” you made sure to emphasize the “p” sound, his twinkly eyes on your swollen lips.

He chuckled lovingly and kissed your forehead, his lips leaving a bit of moisture behind. Gently intertwining your hands, he led you out of the bathroom and straight to your bed.

“Lie down for me, sweetheart,” he told you quietly as he went to close the bedroom door. Once you got the needed privacy, he reached behind him, pulling on the shirt that he swiftly took off, your eyes appreciating the way his muscles flexed. He threw it on the floor and walked over to you, already lying on bed as he told you to. “Let me remind you that you’re oppa’s,” he mumbled with passion, already distracted by your body that was still covered with the towel.

His words ignited the desire in you and when he hovered over you with a focused gaze, you knew this would be a long night for the both of you.

On Thursday, you went to the gym with determination. The reason was simple: two babies hanging off you and one hanging off of Sukyeong. Baekhyun was running late from work so you had to bring them with you this time. Despite your huge worries, you had to drop them off at the baby corner. The kind, elderly lady showed you the young babysitter that would be in charge of your triplets (after everyone stopped ogling them and squealing about how cute they were). Her name was Sonhee and her smile was the purest you had ever laid eyes on. Her face was gentle and her eyes seemed to be telling a story of a difficult life. What was a little interesting was that you had a feeling you had seen her somewhere before and it wasn't in this gym.

“Do you have any license to prove that she is capable of taking care of three infants?” barged into the conversation Sukyeong, her eyes suspiciously looking over the girl. Even though you had the same question, you wouldn't have uttered it so bluntly. “She looks too young. Even younger than their mother,” she added with a huff.

The lady in charge, Mrs Lee, didn’t show her shock - that was if there was any. “She is the eldest sibling in her family. At home, she is taking care of five more siblings and she is a kindergarten teacher in practice during the school year.”

Your mouth shaped an “o”, nodding thoughtfully and you quickly nudged Sukyeong, catching her opening her mouth to rebut again. “Thank you. I know Sonhee won't do anything to undermine my trust.”

“I will do my best.” Sonhee bowed the perfect 90 degrees and you quickly lowered your head as well, accepting her respect. “I will make sure nothing bad will happen!”

You smiled and quickly looked over the triplets again. They were three months old and you would already let them be with a stranger. Were you still considered a responsible and good mother?

“All the rich mothers do it and they are considered great for doing it,” answered your question Sukyeong in a monotone as you were walking to the gym. “It is just sixty minutes - what can happen during such a short time?”

You frowned, pouting. “Oh, once you'll have kids, you will know, Sukyeong-ah,” you mumbled under your breath. With babies, things could go wrong within seconds. What made Sukyeong ever believe leaving babies alone for sixty minutes was safe?

“Well, it'll be fine!” she smiled brightly as you entered a still empty gym. You put your bag and phone down, and noticed the last message Baekhyun wrote:

sorry again baby enjoy your workout let me know if the munchkins were okay when you dropped them off love you baby ❤️

Your heart fluttered at the last sentence and you shot him a quick reply with an update when you heard the door of the gym opening, you trainer, Lee Junho, appearing.

He had a sleeveless sports shirt that showed his defined arms and boy, was he chunky in all the right ways. You were the first one his eyes fell on and his straight lips stretched into a delightful smile. To your surprise, he called your name: “Hello! You came already today! Ah, Sukyeong, too!”

You gave him a shy smile and caught him looking quickly over your outfit. The typical. Baekhyun's huge shirt with old pants that your legs could get lost in. You wouldn't be wearing leggins any time soon, you swore. All the ladies wore tight pilates clothing, so you were aware you looked like a trash bag but you never felt more comfortable. Just to see whether Junho let something on in his face, you watched him, but he only diverted his attention to Sukyeong who greeted him with a wide smile.

“Were you alright on Tuesday after the class?” asked Junho as he started to stretch on the floor.

Sukyeong, wanting to be a good student, followed him while you were still standing, the phone in your hands vibrating with most probably incoming messages from your husband. You pinked.

“Ye-yeah, I was … okay,” you mumbled. You already forgot about the stupid lie you made up so he would let you go to the troilets on Tuesday. Baekhyun made sure you forgot about every sane thought that night, so in conclusion, you were more than alright after class on Tuesday.

Junho nodded attentively. “Well, you can try to take it easier today, I won’t mind,” he winked with a grin.

Your eyebrows shot up. “Alright.”

“Is it exam season at uni that has you so stressed?” was his next question when he reached for his stretched out feet.

“Sorry?”

“Ah, right, well she could easily be a uni student,” giggled Sukyeong, looking at you. “My friend is still so young. She shouldn’t be so stressed, right, Junho?”

Junho watched your friend from the corner of his eye with amusement. “It would be great if no one had any stress in their lives.”

Deciding not to answer, you wanted to check your messages but the rest of the class started to arrive, so you joined Sukyeong instead. Stretching was always a good choice and Baekhyun told you about the importance of warming up properly.

“He seems to be interested in you,” whispered Sukyeong eagerly when Junho became busy replying to his fangirl students. “You piqued his curiosity!”

“Shh, stop that!” you winced, pushing her. She was spitting nonsense to tease you but- why was your heart skipping like that?!

After waiting for five more minutes, you started the workout. Even though you were already terrible, you had a weird anxiety from Junho. Maybe it was Sukyeong’s teasing that made you weirdly conscious of his gaze whenever he looked your way or looked directly at you.

You were sweating like a pig, your face shiny from the perspiration but you were determined not to give up. It was for your own benefit, your own health and if you worked on yourself, you could carry the triplets and carry the groceries - you could become a physically acclaimed superwoman!

“Make sure to straighten your back when you do the plank!” shouted Junho over the loud music just when he walked by you. Stopping, he crouched down and placed his hand first between your shoulder blades. “Keep it straight for me,” he told you and then both of his hands landed on your hips, making you go stiff under his touch. “Hips square to the mat. Make sure to squeeze your abs to keep your core strong and balanced,” he was telling in a hushed tone that felt weirdly intimate to you.

“I don’t have abs,” you heaved out, your arms shaking as you tried to keep the plank straight and correct. Junho huffed a laugh, standing up. “Well, you're doing great anyway!”

Feeling the relief when you saw him walk away, you heaved out a heavy sigh, focusing on being in the moment and imagining becoming strong; for yourself. For the babies. For Baekhyun. You could do it-

There was a distant shout calling out for your name. Recognizing the voice of Mrs Lee, you almost fell face-first on the ground from panic when you registered her words.

“Jun wouldn’t stop throwing up!”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

A/N: Second chapter - done! But Jun :( What do you think about Junho? And Baek was busy, oh well...

Your feedback for the first part was SO NICE! Thank you to everyone who took the time to write me a comment in any form. Its so, so appreciated!

See you soon!

P.S. some people took notice AND pointed it out (which made me feel so happyyy!) that Baekhyun and OC seem to talk a lot in oppa/younger girl reference. That stems deeply from the prequel times when OC referred to him only as oppa (no, referring to Baekhyun - or any older male that is not too old, and the situation allows it - as oppa is not wrong as everyone is portraying it out in the "weirded out" culture. Baekhyun is older than OC and now it became a small game for him; after all, he loves that she is younger and he can take care of her and with the addition of triplets, he wants to embrace this a little more. Also, bear in mind they are both quite young!). So when I get to write the prequel, it will only be their oppa/younger-girl relationship! ^^ (which is why also in Captain Bucheon Lee Nari refers to Baekhyun’s character as oppa - same reason).

#baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun au #baekhyun angst #baekhyun smut #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun #exo fluff #exo angst #exo smut #exo fanfiction #mywritings #AY #pregnancy au #family au

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yibo-wang · 3 years

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i mean like the final ep but technically seen my finals are this month too.... and we only have online classes...... look, i'm much more comfortable with them but also learning/studying stuff currently just really fucking drains my mental health but i just can't afford to not do it, y'know? i took today off with the excuse that i've got a headache and feel like shit, which i both do, and that my jaw hurts a lot (which it also does bcs i accidentally fell and hit a wooden table with my jaw/cheek and ugh i have an appointment this thursday to let it get checked out) and honestly? idk if i can do stuff tomorrow, or thursday, or friday.

ngl i wasn't close with my uncle, nobody in my family was except his youngest son. but it still hurts like a bitch for most of us, so i focused on taking care of everyone else. especially when my cousin (my uncle's eldest son) asked me to take care of them bcs.... i really don't want to disappoint him ig? so yeah, i haven't dealt with this stuff myself and only helped everyone else and i know that's wrong but i also don't feel anything about his death. i didn't feel anything when my grandfather died either? idk maybe i should just suck it up and forget it. but all of this, the fact that i don't feel anything about it, makes me sick af bcs who tf doesn't care about it when family members die???

i've now gotten to ep 47 tho and i just want to say.... ji chong deserves so much better, i hate everybody, my bby deserves only the best and i want him to be happy. also bao na is kind of sweet 🥺💕

i hope you have/had a great day!! 🥺❤

also this one here, your beloved ant anon, believes in chongyun supremacy 😌 simply bcs they're like... seriously interesting and idk why but xie yun feels gay and fei feels like a lesbian 👀 - ant anon

Oh my bad sjfj I thought you meant finals but that aside I am greatly concerned about what you're doing to get yourself hurt so much???

I dont think it makes you sick, people just process somethings differently and ig it has to do a lot with how much stuff bad news especially, we've had to process now, it gets too much so it's really just that our brain cant deal with everything yk.

Sadly I still havent started the wolf so idk who bao na is but I agree that ji chong deserves only the best. It's just how it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ahah yeahh I'm really loving all the xiechong gifsets on my dash, but I really do love xiefei too ngl they're really cute together BUT also idk how far you've seen lof but wu chuchu, the daughter of the wang family I'm pretty sure she had a crush on fei (who wouldn't tbh) but like major vibes from her ngl

#🐜 anon!!!#let's chat!

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a-rat-ranting · 4 years

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Wohoo! I hate-love Fridays & vacations!

Note: TW: Depression, Anxiety, Suicide & Self-harm

Also, I use the word mental breakdown a lot, and I actually mean it, don't worry, I'm not a white girl that thinks crying once in a while and then smiling at the mirror equals mental breakdown, I don't intend to offend anyone.

Why? Well, here's the deal: Monday, ✨Tuesday✨ (if Tuesday was a person I'd beat the shit out of them), Wednesday, Thursday and the school hours of Friday aren't my favorite. I wait for them to just be another blurry memory, I just want them to end so I can leave and stabilise myself at home. Basically, I'm waiting for 5/7 parts of my life to end so I can enjoy the rest, 2/7.

Isn't that sad? Waiting for your life to end so you can enjoy only two fucking parts of it?

"You fucked up just today, there are new days coming"

And you know, I realized that the first time I wrote here. And you know what else I realized? That is a loop. I'll be feeling shitty and like giving up for the rest of my school ye- correction: life, if I don't do something about it.

In January I started isolating from others 'cause I lost my social skills during winter break and also because I realized that, in a group of 8 (including me) I'd never do shit, it's too much people, and I was a painting, or those things human-size that are at supermarkets, one of those two. So I decided to leave them for... A bathroom! Because I cannot approach new people! Anyways, so every weekend I cheered myself up:

"You can do this: just go and say hi and ask some basic questions, not a big deal"

"You fucked up just today and there are new days coming up"

In the first day, all my positivity was drained, yet I drank more of it after coming home. Next day? The same, but with a little less of it. Next day? Half of the positivity. Next day? Non-existent. Next day? The same that yesterday UNTIL I arrived home.

It worked only for around 4 weeks, after knowing nothing changed, if I tried or not it didn't matter, nothing changed. I gave up and I went to school the same way I used to just that without expectations so I couldn't get hurt, again. But my surprise was that, I was still getting hurt! Either I still had some hope or that method didn't work that well.

In my first mental breakdown of the year, January 10th I think, I was drawing or so and I started making myself feel better with stuff like:

"Don't worry, when, in the future, you look back at this memories you'll laugh"

Here's the problem: and if you don't swim back at the surface? Because that's the only thing you have been doing. It won't change because you think it has to, it will change because you do everything to change it.

"Don't worry, when you leave the city you'll feel better"

Nope, even tho I know that maybe starting all again can help, it isn't the right way AND it can not help since, no matter where you move to, where you are, the problem is you. You have noticed it: all those 8 schools, you changed schools 'cause you thought it was as easy as leaving and starting all over, they were the problem, right? but you ended up being a ghost. Who remember you? All those kids? Ha, sure. Even your only best friend, who you were her first option, left you because you couldn't go to school for two months, you came back and bam! You're forgotten again. I mean, it was 2nd grade but,,, that happened again years later, you know that? It wasn't a child's thing at all, you were later a background character for everyone else.

Then I had another second mental breakdown on January 14th-15th, I had no purpose at that point, I was hopeless, and I needed a deadline.

At the end of the day, life is just a bunch of deadlines, we keep on living because we have things to do yet, and they just keep being added. The day some doesn't have a special day to live for, a goal that has never been achieved, it's gonna be the day they start thinking "whoa, what I do now?".

So whatever, I only had one deadline at that point: that day we were moving out to a bigger, memory-free house. I was excited, it was pretty and had a lot of space to have a cat. I was really excited. I was packing all my things, indeed, I haven't unpacked them yet, and I don't plan to either. It was perfect until my mom called and said that, at the last moment, the night before moving out, the owner decided to ask us for more information about us. My parents declined since they were being plainly petty.

So I just laughed at first to then laugh-cry, and finally cry. The only reason I was still with hope, I couldn't believe we were moving out, and effectively, we didn't.

Next day I didn't leave bed, except for self-harming, I skipped school only two days because otherwise I would fail my classes, I only have the right to miss school 6 days for no reason.

It was hell, now I didn't have purpose. And then, every Friday took a toll on me, along with my mental breakdowns every two weeks, when my suicidal thoughts were now real, planning the day and the letters and the method to die. It was real, but I didn't have the place or time, I'm still on not trying to have it [the place or time] though.

Now I have Monday off bc of a women's pacific protest where I'm allowed to miss school.

#rantings #Depression #self deprecating thoughts #self improvement #Suicide #Anxiety #social anxiety #Trigger warning

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feminarrie · 5 years

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ice and tanqueray - 03

The cadence of Niall’s voice is enough to quiet all of the excuses that sit just past the tip of her tongue. Y/N swallows thickly before nodding. Her eyes meet Niall’s and there’s a small glimmer of excitement that dances in the reflection of light in her irises. Gradually do her lips stretch into a smile that matches his own, both full of excitement and nervousness.

a/n: i know.... it’s been literal months since my last update. i’m just beginning to become more invested in this store again, so i appreciate your kindness and patience in waiting for updates!

i hope you enjoy this cute little filler!

It’s been a little over a week since Louis had suggested using the trip to Barcelona as a way for Niall to come clean about his feelings. The thought had been at the forefront of his mind and left Niall distracted in many of his meetings. Even when he’s home and the stress of the day has been washed down the drain, it lingers within the droplets of water on his skin.

He isn’t sure if he should ask her, if he’s honest. Niall’s fearful that she will think it’s an abuse of power on his part. Between wining and dining her, he knows that it’s possible for it to be misconstrued that way. But, that isn’t his intention. He isn’t some low life that uses his position as a way to get a pretty girl under his thumb. He only wants to make his feelings known so that, even if she does reciprocate them, they can move forward. Because Niall really doesn’t like feeling like a schoolboy that has fallen in love with the first pretty girl he has seen.

The days are winding down, though. There are only three days to make the proper arrangements if Y/N does choose to come with him. Yet, he is still sat at his desk staring at a blank screen while she chatters away on the phone to some business exec. She glances back at him with a roll of her eyes and gestures to the phone. Niall laughs softly, lifting his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug before dropping them.

He really should ask her. He’ll regret it if he doesn’t.

Niall continues to chew on the thought, rolling words over his tongue and rehearsing the best way to ask her. He sits there for so long, mind so riddled with anticipation that he doesn’t even realize Y/N has entered the room until she’s stood beside his desk. It nearly makes him jump out of his skin, but a short string of curses erupt from his chest.

“What’s so interesting that you’re sitting in silence?” Y/N jokes, a teasing glint in her eye.

His cheeks stain red at being caught up in his thoughts, but Niall quickly clears his throat and pushes some hair away from his forehead. His fingers become slightly tacky with residue from the gel holding his quiff in place and he’s reaching for a tissue to wipe it from them. It’s also a welcome distraction from Y/N, who is hovering so close to him that he can smell her perfume. It’s a mixture of the smell after rain and some fragrant flower petals, but he isn’t quite sure which ones.

“Just a little bit distracted today,” he says, clicking his computer mouse a few times to bring the screen back to life. “Have you got anything for me?”

Y/N nods with a soft smile, although her eyes remain questioning. She can see it in the way Niall’s tongue presses to the back of his teeth that he wants to tell her more, but she doesn’t push it. Instead, she pulls the pen from her notepad and places it behind her ear as she lists off his upcoming appointments and missed calls.

“Louis called about a business trip coming up in a few days. He wants to know if he’ll need to watch Murphy for you,” Y/N says, glancing between the pad of paper and Niall. “I told him he wouldn’t have to, if you didn’t mind me taking care of him.”

Niall suppresses a sigh that fights to inflate his lungs. Although subtle to Y/N, the push to ask her to accompany him on a business trip is blatant to Niall. Especially when he knows that the six year old golden retriever will be cared for by Harry, a mutual friend and Niall’s former roommate.

“About that, pet.” Niall says after another clearing of his throat.

Might as well bite the bullet now, he thinks. Y/N’s eyes are expectant, pupils dancing across his face to find a reason for his nervousness.

“I know it’s short notice, but I could really use your help during that trip.” He says, tongue darting out to lick his lower lip. “It won’t be all business, though. S’ Barcelona, after all and beautiful this time of year.”

Niall watches Y/N’s features change with a series of emotions. Excitement flashes in her eyes at first, a broad smile to match. But, her brows soon pinch together and she looks contemplative, mulling over her decision. It makes Niall’s knee bounce in anticipation of her answer, but he tries not to rush her. Even when she opens her mouth just to close it again, lips making a quiet popping noise each time.

“I- I would love to, Niall, but…” she pauses, lip coming to rest between her teeth for just a moment. “I can’t exactly afford to fly to Barcelona, financially or with school.”

Well, she could afford the short flight to Barcelona. But, even a two night stay in the city would cost more than half of her rent.

Her tone is apologetic, but Niall is shaking his head already to quiet any further apologies. Y/N’s worries over her course work and money had not gone unnoticed by Niall. In fact, the former is painfully obvious when two cups of coffee are already in the bin by the time he strolls into the office at nine in the morning. It becomes even more evident when big exams roll around and she’s asleep at her desk, right cheek dented with the edge of her notebooks.

“You wouldn’t be paying, Y/N.” Niall chuckles softly, the noise coming from deep within his chest when he sees heat blossom on her cheeks. “Besides, s’just a long weekend. I know you don’t have class Thursday through Sunday anyway. Just those four days, pet.”

Y/N’s top teeth pinch the corner of her lower lip, her tongue rolling over the pink flesh inside. The fear of getting behind on any homework keeps the urge to blurt out an excited ‘yes’ at bay. Being behind on work makes Y/N feel as if she is not in control of her time and surroundings. It ignites a feeling of stress within her that scorches her from the inside out until she’s caught up or having a breakdown, whichever comes first.

“You could take the next few days to get a headstart on your coursework. That way you can enjoy yourself, too.”

Her lower lip is still pinched between her teeth and her eyes dance across the top of Niall’s desk. She wonders briefly if bees had burrowed their way through exposed pieces of the wood that are only filled with clear lacquer. Lets her mind wander and question if the brunette haired boy had paid just a little extra for the one of a kind piece. Y/N is so caught up in her winding thoughts that she doesn’t see the slight twitch of Niall’s right index finger atop his desk, a sign of his nerves getting the better of him. She doesn’t miss the clearing of his throat, however.

“Oh,” Y/N says, finally freeing the now swollen flesh of her lip from its confines. “You’ve really thought this through, huh?”

Niall nods with a small laugh and a genuine smile that shows his teeth.

“I really would like you to go with me, Y/N.” He admits, “It would help me out a lot.”

. . .

Niall stayed true to his word when he had offered Y/N the opportunity to use the rest of the week to get ahead on her work. She had worked tirelessly on a fifteen page paper about the rise and fall of Roman Empire, only taking breaks to shove all of her necessities into her suitcase. So, when she arrives at the airport nearly two hours before their 8am flight, it is safe to say that she is exhausted.

Her hair is pulled back from her face while she looks cozy in a navy blue sweater and leggings tucked into a comfortable pair of sneakers. She looks like the very definition of soft from where Niall stands beside her in line for a cup of coffee. If he allows himself to be hopeful, his only desire would be to have Y/N lay her head on his shoulder during the short flight. He allows himself to think that it is a possibility when she stretches her jaw wide with a yawn, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.

“Sorry,” she mumbles from behind her hand, moisture collecting in the corners of her eyes after yawning. “Pretty sure I went to bed ‘round half past midnight. So, I’m just really tired.” She rubs at her eyes as if to emphasize her fatigue.

Niall chortles, his own fatigue evident in the crease of his brow and red rimmed eyelids. “No need to apologize, pet. S’an early flight,” he says, his own voice still somewhat thick due to the early hours of the morning.

Their conversation pauses as Y/N shifts her attention to the barista. She refrains from ordering something with a shot of espresso because she has every intention, if Niall’s willing to swap seats, to rest her head against the window to sleep for the entirety of the short flight. A two hour nap would help her re-energize before she’s thrown into whatever work Niall has her doing. He’s only told her about some meetings with potential clients and more excitingly, agents that would work in a satellite office in Barcelona. Niall had tasked her with confirming his appointments upon their arrival, but her knowledge of her responsibilities stopped there.

Although Niall wishes to pay for Y/N, he stays put while she fishes a few notes out from a purse. He knows that she would just chatsie him for even attempting to pay for it. Especially considering that he has dipped into his own pocket to pay for her flight and separate hotel room. She doesn’t know that, though. He had shied away from telling her that he wouldn’t be charging the expense to the business account. Because now, he knows her well enough to know that she would have denied going even if he did need her help.

“I noticed our first meeting isn’t until seven, tonight.” Y/N says, stepping aside after having retrieved her drink.

“Thought I’d give us a chance to settle in before I show you around the city, if that’s alright with you?” Niall asks and he’s inwardly annoyed that he feels unsure of himself.

The feeling goes away shortly thereafter, though. When Y/N is looking at him with tired eyes and a soft smile, nodding her head. She only requests that Niall allows her to shower before she has to wander the streets of Barcelona. And Niall agrees that a shower after an early morning flight was more than a good idea.

It would allow him enough time to gather himself before they were fully consumed by the beauty of Barcelona. Well, moreso Y/N than him. He’s sure that he’ll be more enraptured by seeing her surrounded by the beautiful colors of the surrounding artwork and architecture that goes back more than a millenia than the actual city itself.

If he allows himself to dwell on that thought, Niall knows that he would be overcome with anxiety that has already taken up residence in his bones. And perhaps some of the jitters are from the flight that boards in just a short amount of time. But, Niall knows that most of them are due to the fact that he has every intention of asking Y/N to go to dinner with him, at some point during the trip...and he has no idea how she will react.

#niall horan x reader #niall horan x you #niall horan series #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fic #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfiction #1dff update #1dff

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changji · 5 years

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Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

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anaithya · 5 years

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2018, etc

2018 was one hell of a ride.

I spent the NYE working on thesis proposal with my best friends A & G at G’s home. It was tense, since the deadline was close but none of us was even halfway through. At midnight we took a break and walked to Bundaran HI to join the crowd and watch fireworks. We had a bit of fun, grabbed some food in the nearest McD, talked all the way back, and prayed for our hopes and dreams for the year, before finally continue to work.

We had our common goal: to graduate. Little did we know it will took a long, winding road before we finally reach one.

January was fine. IECOM was successful, despite me being a zombie for several days. It might not be perfect but I’m very proud of what my team has done. There were unexpected things happened in D-Day but we handled them well. It feels so nice to see people work together--voluntarily put their time, mind, and energy to make the plan come true. We did our best and that’s what mattered.

Two days after IECOM, batch 2014 went to field trip in Malang and Bali. Having too caught up with IECOM, my friends and I planned our extended trip on the bus lol (I wrote about it here). It was reaaal fun! I liked how chill we all were, stopped for a moment not thinking about thesis or our routine anxieties, living the moment we were in. Thank you crew #gogotrip.

But the chaos was waiting for me. From then on, I was drained working on my thesis. Thesis was like the epitome of my uni life: crappy and messed up. Full of regret and wrong decisions. Perfectly summed it up! I thought I planned everything perfectly, but then Murphy Law happened. I remember panicking when things were still uncertain. I overthinked a lot, I was desperate and felt so clueless on April, but things began to unfold in May. In early July, I was finally certain in what I had to do. But still not sure whether I could make it or not in October. The pressure was even higher after you see your own friends graduating.

Whole September I couldn’t manage to do anything but working on my thesis. The month slipped perfectly from my life, I barely remember anything but me sitting in my computer, whether looking on Word, Excel, or Lingo. I remember staying up all night in the then-newly-opened coffee shop until 2 in the morning with my friend N (we’ve been there for hours), working on our thesis, too tired to talk to each other. Then we do the same thing in the day, only in our lab, and there will be our other friends. On repeat, for days.

On Tuesday, 25th, I finally did my thesis defense. Got an A, with extremely minor revision. Happiest day of the year. Took a day off on Wednesday, printed the final draft Thursday, got my supervisor’s signature, submitted it to the library, and signed up for October graduation on Friday.

Took two companies, months of hustles and hurdles, loads of papers, countess lingo solving, and series of sleepless nights to finally did it. And also a great supervisor. I couldn’t thank my supervisor enough for all the help that he gave me. If it wasn’t him, I don’t know if i can still manage to graduate in October.

In between the mess, with the thought that I need a break, I signed up for HPAIR conference. After two essays and an online interview, I got accepted! So for a full week in August I went to KL. It’s been a long time since I visit KL, and it was my first time participating in an international event like that. (one bucket list checked!). The conference was lit with the intriguing theme and notable speakers. I made new friends and tried superb food in town.

I also got the chance to participate in Maybank Impact Challenge, which I think the most interesting part of the conference. It was modelled upon Maybank Go Ahead Challenge. We were divided in teams, and the members came from different backgrounds and nationalities. In the span of 6 hours I had to make a country development plan, played board game, took the role as a COO in an engineering company, cracked codes and analyzed financial statements, ran for 1-2 km?--wearing a smart casual attire--from Sunway Uni to a bowling alley in Sunway Pyramid, pitched my company to investor WHILE playing bowling, ran back to the Uni, and took the role as management in company-in-crisis. Too much for a day, eh? It was crazy but I got to learn a lot: 1) How to work under pressure 2) How to work with strangers, especially with a very dominating person 3) How to estimate and make up numbers that still make sense 4) How to do impromptu speech.

(I also signed up for IELTS and Germany course. The courses were so refreshing since I love learning languages. I stopped showing up in September tho when the stakes on my thesis were high)

October 19 was my graduation day, and 20 was the parade. Bachelor of Science, I am now. I finally ended my university life. (another bucket list checked!)

The past four years was rough for me, especially in terms of my own ambition and personal development. To be honest, I hate my university life so much. I hate it to the point I don’t like to talk about it. About this class, about this exam, about this task, about this A B C, about this time when we had to do X.

If I could turn back the time I would definitely pick another major and another university. I hate how I didn’t work hard enough. I hate how I didn’t give my 100%. I hate how I DID work enough but still failing anyway. I hate how the world seemed so unfair. I hate how unprepared and unplanned I was. But what I hate the most is... I hate that I didn’t pursue for things I really like the most, because I was too scared. I hate how I wasn’t willing to take chances and chose the easy path. I hate how scared I was, to the future, to the what-ifs, to things that were actually in my head.

So messed up. So many wrong decisions. So many regrets.

Nonetheless, university life gave me valuable friends and... meaningful relationships! I really didn’t expect this from ITB back then, but yeah. The people I met were good ones. MTI ITB IS AWESOME!!! (at a certain period of time lol). I’m thankful that I found trusting, reliable friends that might not be 24/7 for me but surely make me laugh and make me feel much better when they’re around. It is my memories with them that I cherish the most.

Several days after graduation, I secured my first job (or not? I’m not permanent yet but nevermind), and started to work rightaway--in a company that I really admire. (bucket list checked once again!!!)

November and December were about adjustments. Adjusting myself back to Jakarta, coming back home after years of living alone. Adjusting to the new role that I take, as an employee. Adjusting to the new routine.

I also got two free concert tickets in November: Gun N Roses and Blackpink lol.

I spent the last day of the year with my high school friends in a friend’s house. Learned to play poker, chit chatted about life, reflected on how the year was for each of us.

Calm and serene.

Despite the sour, sour lemons, I learned a lot in 2018.

Four years of desperation crafted this worrisome and pessimist attitude in me. Contrary after graduating high school, after uni graduation I feel like I have self-confidence issue and I feel like not knowing what I really want or what I have to do next. I am still clueless apparently.

However, knowing the fact how terrible last year was, and I still survived after all gives me this weird strength to carry on. It gives some me kind of positivity and energy for 2019.

I get this epiphany that... maybe life indeed sucks, it still has loadsss of lemons to be thrown at me. There will be more cancelled and altered plans, and there will be other twists, turns, and surprises. Nevertheless, I shall focus on things that I can control and let go the ones I can’t. I shall control my perception and reception towards what’s happening instead of letting it affect me. I shall not waste my energy panicking and thinking too much on things that don’t matter like I did last year (and throughout my uni life also). I shall let go of my fear and let loose, be less rigid.

I shall focus on me and my personal growth, also on people that matters. I want to regain my confidence and cut all the negativities that the past might have caused me. I need to reorganize my life and construct my future plans.

This year, I want to be chill like I was in Bali.

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organichobo-blog · 5 years

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Mid-Trips

I’m typing this in my room, prepping myself for another day out. It can be quite taxing getting ready for a day out. What to do, how to do it and how to I get there, including how do I get ready? The best way to describe it, like your phone battery on some mornings. Those days you get up, take your phone off charge and start using your phone in bed for whatever reason, then you go in a spiral of phone usage. Before you’re physically out of bed, your phone battery needs charging again.

IT’S A BLOWOUT!

That’s how my mornings have been like, all because I don’t want to miss out on anything this amazing travel opportunity I have been given here.

So it got me thinking, I’m on holiday, why am I more drained than bigger days at work or even some big Sundays at church? Especially that what happens here doesn’t really matter too much (except for travel commitments) if it doesn’t go exactly to plan.

I found that I’m putting in so much more attention and focus (as it should be) on these plans, because I’m in a foreign environment. It takes more effort to navigate through what I don’t know. Ask me to plan a morning at work, give me 5 mins and I’ll give you something...may be a little longer on other days and I may give you a terrible plan, but It’s simple because I know most, if not all the information.

I got a clear picture as to why sometimes the stress and weariness I (and I bet you also) feel with the more important choices to make in my life.

I had this verse from the Bible stuck in my head leading into this trip and as I thought about all this and typing this now, it’s come again and makes so much sense.

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’ve really seen it in action on this trip and it’s so real.

So if you’re unsure how I planned this trip, it was based around sport games and only really started planning in very late July.

I booked the game tickets before I even confirmed flights and accommodation. The Arsenal game wasn’t even locked down till a few weeks before and the tickets only arrived just before I flew over. Even had a few medical curve balls (sport term, check) over the two weeks leading into flying out.

I clearly had a plan, but so many missing pieces and unplanned distractions. Obviously got the flights and accommodations sorted and feel good now, but it’s what I’ve experienced since that I couldn’t have sorted.

Quick examples and there’s plenty more:

- Amazing weather. Unusually good for this time of year and allowing me to see the games, sites and move around easily.

- “Unlicensed 1st Class”. Empty seat next to me on every flight. That’s 3/3, I’ve had to give it a term.

- Transport. Early and on time. 30 mins early into Pittsburgh and I’ve been through customs before a massive line built up behind me.

- Thursday night football setup. Decided to check out the stadium (Heinz field) yesterday and got there as a large NBC truck pulls in (got it on cam) and I see a man later wiring up something from the roof of the stadium to the ground. I ask and he’s setting up for the national coverage. That means more for me than you I bet, that’s fine I can explain later...or not haha.

- College game. I hoping to see a game but wasn’t sure if I would be able to based on my schedule. Tuesday was free and this game came up. What made it so good, 2/2 Uber drivers (using Uber now, look who’s all grown up) getting me to and from, had no idea there was even a game on. Got myself 40% off an already reduced shirt too. “Yaaargh! Swoop!” / “Bizziou!” (Soliman family bargain ref)

- The food places...I’ll explain these in person.

Anyway, I could go on but I won’t, cause I’m quite hungry and there’s a place on my street called “Waffles, INCaffeinated” that I must attend.

Basically saying that I want to bring this and apply this at home and recommend you do too. Plan things, then really trust God for the direction and that he’ll open my eyes to see things I wasn’t expecting (like He has) along the way.

My second half may be the complete opposite and fall apart, but I’m okay with that and sure I will still get something out of it. “Pills (lessons) are good!” (Hybrid ref). Praying it won’t tho haha.

As I’ve mentioned multiple times, I’m incredibly blessed and thankful for this opportunity. I will never forget it and ever take it for granted, especially when you get things out of it that I wasn’t really expecting (but was in a way) and I see how amazing and real my God is.

Have a good one, post again to you soon, if I haven’t freaked you out too much. 😬

Missing you all.

⁃ the Reflective Hobo

(My phone is on 53%. It’s a blowout!)

Some images from the trip planning stage.

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101scenes · 7 years

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Wanna One Kang Daniel - Latte Art

✽ suggested by: anon

✽ featuring: kang daniel

✽ genre: fluff

✽ word count: 1,589 words

✽ summary: latte art was your specialty. with your steady hands and being in core arts, you couldn’t help to send a tiny message over to the guy you liked with it. your eyes widened as you heard these words over the counter, “so, who drew a heart in my latte?”

as everyone knew, the third year of high school always included taking on lots of leadership roles

some may be captains of their various sports teams, or even club presidents and class representatives

but after months of strenuous application worksheets and nerve-wrecking interviews, you managed to clinch a spot in the student council, as the student council treasurer

though it wasn’t as high of a position you had hoped, you still appreciated the position

yeah it was better than nothing

you then later found out your student council executive committee consisted of you, the treasurer, ong seongwoo, the secretary, kim jiwon, vice president, and kang daniel, the student council president

yall were like a band of brothers and sisters bahah

seongwoo was the joker, daniel usually stayed quiet, while jiwon was like the mom

but seongwoo really can bring out the life in daniel

something about him intimidates you, maybe it was the fact that he was the student council president, a higher position and of higher authority

even though you two were from the same classes, both of you never talked much, only during meetings and discussions

your relationship with him was just a bit more distant than the others

back in your home life, your family was of a lower socio-economic status, so you basically had to work as well, but as a part-timer

out of all the jobs you had to pursue, it had to be a server/cook in a cat café in your neighbourhood

you worked on tuesday, thursday and friday after school

so your schedule was quite packed

either way, you still pressed on and did what you had to do

one week, you were clocking in at 3pm after school

“hey, y/n!” juyeon cooed

you waved back in response

she was your middle school friend that unfortunately went to a different high school

but despite that, you two managed to stay as close friends

tying on your cat-apron and fitting on your cat ears in the employees room, you looked in your locker mirror

looking back at the reflection of yourself, you cringed

even after a year of working in the same establishment, you still cannot stand the fact that you were supposed to serve your customers in that getup

taking a slow deep breath, you walked back out to the kitchen to get ready for any orders

just as an order for a warm lava cake came up, the bell to the door jingled, signalling the presence of a customer

minding your own business, you placed the pre-made lava cake into the oven before winding up the temperature

“good afternoon sir! how long would you like to stay here for?” juyeon asked, with the same cheerful tone she always had

you really admired how natural she is at greeting customers and making them feel welcomed

she was the type of girl that really belonged here, a cute girl with a bubbly personality

“um, i would like to stay for 2 hours please,”

wait what?

that voice..

seems all too familiar

you peeked around the corner, only to see kang daniel, along with ong seongwoo, standing at the counter

ong was already peeking into the main café were all the cats were, meowing at them and some of our cats meowing back

at that exact moment, daniel made eye contact with you, the random eyes with cat ears peering around the corner

you ducked back behind the wall

your face immediately flushed red

your reputation is literally at stake here

what will happen if the whole school knew, the student council treasurer, one of the four highest student powers in the school, is working at some cutesy café?

but it was daniel and seongwoo, it’s not like they would spread the word right?

you gripped your heart as you sank down onto the floor of the kitchen

“hey y/n, is the lava cake done-”

ding!

you gathered yourself back together, smoothening out your waist apron

“yep, yep just about done,” you said, scurrying to the oven

“girl, are you okay? you look a little pale,” juyeon said, mixing up our signature pink and purple concoction to serve to the 2 new customers

“mhm,”

just about when you were finishing garnishing the plate of lava cake with flowers and a blob of vanilla ice cream, juyeon pushed the 2 mason jars filled with drinks beside you

“bring this out to the 2 boys over there for me, will you? they are lowkey cute tho, especially the blonde one,” she said as she nudged you, referring to daniel

before you could even respond, juyeon already glided off, tending to the next customer at the cashier

your heart skipped a beat

now i have to serve them? great, my dignity would be down the drain by the end of todays shift

picking up the lava cake first, you swiftly tried to avoid seongwoo and daniel’s eye contact as you tried to serve the customer who requested for that plate of dessert

when you walked past their table on the way back, you heard seongwoo say,

“theres no way in hell,”

you prayed to everything holy that he wasn’t referring to you

you picked up the 2 drinks that were located at the serving counter

while approaching them, you just prayed

please do not notice me, please do not notice me, please do not notice me

you just chanted your way there

standing in front of them, you placed the two drinks and coasters onto their table

their heads turned to you

you stopped your internal chanting

“here are your drinks-”

“YO Y/N”

oh i didn’t think WALKING UP TO THEM would work either, y/n

seongwoo exclaimed, wrapping his right arm around your shoulder

you groaned

“please let me live,” you said to seongwoo, before hitting the pair of cat ears on his head

while seongwoo started complaining, you could see daniel, in the corner of your eye, staring at you in awe

he was literally spEECHless at how cute you were

his ears turned a little red too

“sigh okay seongwoo, what would you two like today?”

“can you meow for us?” seongwoo teased, plastering a cheeky smile on his face

you just stared at him in unamusement, before directing your attention on daniel

“what would you like?” you asked with a smile, shooting a stern look at seongwoo

daniel was caught off guard and just stuttered

“um- i would like a, uhh, strawberry shortcake please,” he said, closing the menu and looking away

you recorded down his order diligently and asked the other fool what he wanted

after recording down their orders, you returned back to the kitchen to prepare them

on the way back, juyeon stopped you

“aren’t they cute?? y/n you need to agree with me on this one, they look like idols!!” bahahah

you giggled and nodded, returning to the back to get out their orders, decorating them

using your amazing artistry, you lined the plates with chocolate syrup, adding a little flower to daniels plate before placing the cakes strategically in the middle

once juyeon served them their orders you could hear seongwoo whine about not getting a flower, and daniel smiling really widely, his eyes creasing upwards into crescents

from the little glass window of your kitchen, you could feel your heart flutter as daniel takes a bite of your cake, smiling in delight

you felt your own cheeks burning crimson at any minor yet adorable action he makes

after that, daniel would return more often, usually after school, sometimes without seongwoo

he also matches up his arrivals to your work days

juyeon always makes you serve him, just to watch your trip on your words or turn pink at his small remarks

you would take note of his orders, usually a mini strawberry shortcake with a latte

on his sixth trip to the café, you decided to draw a really detailed heart on the top of the latte with his initials near the bottom

once the drink was served, by juyeon as you were busy with other orders, you took a sneak peek at daniel’s usual seat, which was in a corner

but he wasn’t there

you were quite curious, taking a step closer to the kitchen window to have a better look, making sure your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you

from a distance behind you, you heard daniel’s voice near the counter,

“so, who drew a heart in my latte?”

your heart stopped

“oh, it’s not me~” juyeon said, pointing to you, a girl with cat ears leaning way too close to the kitchen window

you slowly turned your head, to see daniel and juyeon both staring at you

you just smiled and waved

oh god im such an idiot

daniel waves back and returned to his seat

you literally wanted to slap yourself

you shook your head in shame and returned to cooking up the orders

as you turned to the kitchen window, where you would usually place orders, you saw a small pink post-it

you picked up, opening it

“hey y/n, you end your shift at 8 right? i’ll wait,”

-daniel

your heart swelled up

you took a peak at the kitchen window once again, to see daniel cheerfully playing with one of our tabby cats

you couldn’t believe that daniel, who you once thought had such a hard exterior, to have a soft spot for felines

you also didn’t know, that love could bloom in a corner cat café in a neighbourhood; like yours

✽ alrighty i have finally done a daniel scenario!

✽ of course it had to do with cats

✽ literally on the verge of stretching it to a 2part, i stopped myself well because its literally 1am on a school night

✽ suggestions box is open :)

#wannaone #wanna one #wannaone scenarios #wannaone scenes #kang daniel #kang daniel scenarios

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/the-white-of-novembers-1111-gateway/

The White of November's 11:11 Gateway!!

The White of November’s 11:11 Gateway!!

By Lisa Gawlas

This has been a truly wild ride these last few months. No doubt, we are not about to slow down any time soon. (I really wish it would though lol.) I have not put out any sharings 1, because there was nothing new for me to share and 2, I have been babysitting my grandson while my daughter recovers from surgery and her husband works day-shift. I am out of the house by 4:50 am on most days.

My voice came back just in time for November to start. And what a weird November it is already. The first day of November all I could see in what I call “previews” (imagery before the call happens) is what looks like a spotlight shining down on the earth and flooding it with light. The light is so bright I cannot see thru it. This was consistent for every person on my schedule. The next day, we got an addition within the preview… a left arm (physical reach for life) with a wristwatch on it. The numbers of the watch were blobby and blurry, there were no minute or hour hands. The only thing I can understand about this consistent imagery is… we tend to look at the clock, at the time, the time it takes (for anything) and now, time is becoming less and less relevant in our reach for life. What we want or need.

Yesterday in the previews (no one has had an actual reading yet) it really became interesting because each person added a different element to the preview (unlike the previous 2 days.)

My first lad’s preview was an opening of a curtain, very much like the opening of a play. The curtains themselves were extremely white and what was thru them was another layer of (a softer) white light. Nothing I could see thru tho.

My next lady offered a silhouette pacing back and forth behind the softer white light. So my guess is that the softer while the light is a secondary curtain to the first one. Like a set of shears behind the brighter ones.

I am now wondering if the pacing is us… waiting, wondering and yet, the time is blurred, irrelevant to our desires, for now, information lol. And trust me, I want to know NOW!! lol

My third lady offered something incredible… the only thing of color besides white and silhouette. It was a ring/crown of brilliantly colored flowers. Flowers reminiscent of Hawaiian leis. I could feel the thickness of their petals. This ring of flowers was about the side around as a Frisbee (going to scale of my vision of course) and hung in the center of the stage a couple of feet above where this image of pacing was.

I kept feeling the energy of the crowning of the virgin mary (why I have no idea lol..) Maybe it is the purity of the light and the brilliance (flower colors) of what is to come of the whiteness. Of course, we are heading into and through the most significant 11:11 gateway ever.

Well, my day has already started with readings and I am only getting the finger wag… meaning, not seeing anything. I have a deep inner feeling each day closer to 11:11 the frequency of light is getting more and more intense. Which alone feels exciting, but not when looking directly into it.

Sadly, with the chaos of my days driving to my daughters, not having a voice, babysitting and days not getting home until after 7 pm, I have been really really negligent in my emails and many other things. The times I am at home I tend to take very long (and needed) naps. And just so no one worries, my daughter is fine, she got new boobs put in and cannot lift anything until a week or so from now, including her 26-pound chunky monkey lol. So I did not block off the moon periods or even 11:11, and those days are all booked up. I would strongly advise rescheduling coming into and on the 11:11 (I have a feeling beyond that will be ok) or stay there and we can try and see what we can see.

A few days before m voice came back, I was sitting on the couch and tilted my head to the left and it felt like I dunked my head underwater and my right ear filled up. The next day, the same thing happened with my left ear, Both are still pressurized, with my right ear being super intense and both ringing like crazy. It will be 2 weeks Thursday this “ear thing” has been consistent. My doc gave me antibiotics which helped everything except the ears.

I actually broke down and begged my team to help me understand what is happening. They gave me a dream just before November started. I was painting someone’s ceiling white. In this dream, all I could think about is how great it would be if my son painted my ceilings before I move (I move out by the end of this month.)

We are all working to purify the ceilings of life, raising the frequency for ALL. When work is being done, it is not a time to understand but allow. This is what all the previews in November are reminding us of… allow. Time is irrelevant (unless you have bills to pay lol.) and life is getting a new coat of paint at the highest level for all of us.

On my car ride from daycare to home this morning, I was equally reminded of how incredibly intelligent and communicative our cellular body is and will do all it can to push us where we need to go.

I got insurance on the 1st of Oct and had not yet contacted an ENT to explore my chronic, persistent voice loss. Well, with my ears in the condition they are now in, I called yesterday. The first thing they asked me is if I had an MRI done on my throat and head at all. Nope. My appointment is for Nov 20th!!

I am also being asked to remind all of us to stop thinking we are doing something wrong, or out of alignment, or not working on issues. Sometimes the light itself is so intense, the body reacts the only way it can as it undergoes change.

WE ARE UNDERGOING CHANGE!!!

On that note… I love you all so much and for those of you willing to endure my rescheduling, thank you from the deepest part of my heart and soul.

Oh, and we have decided to change the day and time of our Nations class so we do not have to cancel it. Right now we are looking at Wednesdays at 3 pm and will be confirmed tonight when we meet. So the Nations Tuesday night classes live on (only on another day and time lol.)

Big big big ((((HUGZ)))) filled with light, love and pure excitement to and thru ALL!!

Lisa Gawlas

~~~~~~~~~

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avianhaven · 7 years

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list of sad things -got my period 2day 2 days b4 i go back to college and i’m Dying -my guts are killing me bc of the above i wish i could get disembowled tbh that would solve like at least 4 of my problems -my class schedule for next semester has classes from 9am-5pm on tuesdays and thursday and i also have an 8:30 class on MWF -didnt finish writing a resume, so i’m not getting a job this semester again bc im Busy and while my stepdad hasnt said anything on it he COuld and it will haunt me and it is haunting me and giving me he Anxieties -bc i mean i rly do need a job bc idk when he’s gonna inevitably fuck off and say he’s tired of me being nothing but an ungrateful drag and drain -speaking of which he was Supposed to overnight some $ like. wednesday, bc i go back to college sunday and i have No Food in my dorms i was supposed to go back saturday but if i got no food then well maybe not then u kno? hey likethispost if u read it also bc Yikes(TM) -he’s sick tho so he’ll send it tmr, which means itll be at my dorms at like. monday/tuesdayish. but also the reason i wanted to get it before then is bc i dont have a means of transoportation so im gonna have to take the bus and carry All of my groceries which is probably more than a lone person can handle honestly so i’ll just end up getting Some a Marginal amount -also i stole my roomie’s toaster strudle things the last week of the dorms bc of this more or less exact situation and was planning to return them The Day of but now ill seem like a prick and well that’s life but yeah another mark on my Anxiety list -forgot to tell him im swapping my major from game des to animation bc while it’s more course work a BFA is better job wise than a BA i think, and also they have the same clases until more or less next spring so that gives me time if it ended up being too hard but also tbh i stil dont have a fucking clue what im doing as a person, a student, career wise talent wise and otherwise i’m literaly just fucking around but it’s not like anyone’s even asked or bothered saying Anything so it’s likely the only time anyone would notice is when it’s at high water and too late and thene veryone is gonna be mad again. harsh

#tiatext

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

Hello!

I was super tired yesterday so I didn’t get to write my reflection but it’s Thursday morning now so here I go!

I was feeling pretty stressed out yesterday but I also kinda prided myself in my ability to maintain such a busy schedule! I wanted to go to school this morning so help out with the chalk but I was in a really bad mood and just wanted to take this time to relax and get some errands done and other stuff that I failed to do last night. I got home around 10:30pm or 11pm, watched the rest of “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” with Rhyarna and Emily, and then knocked out about an hour later. I started my day off with class at 9am with Monique for Negotiation Skills so I left around 8am. I was pretty intimidated by her at first since she has such strict absent/late policies! I absolutely have to do all my homework on time for that class AND be on time! So I better always be early! But as the class progressed, I got to know her better and she’s actually a really cool person and I respect her a lot as a teacher! I’m looking forward to what I can learn from her! At the end, we were tasked with debating a specific prompt and while my team didn’t do so well at first, we saved ourselves towards the end. Makes sense tho bc we were against an RA! After that, I chilled in SDI for a bit with Joyce and ate my cold pizza for lunch. Then, I headed to 623 to return my masking tape and headed to class for Graphic Design III with Dawn! And I saw Thor again so I was happy. We had class as per usual and she introduced a new project to us! Basically, we have to choose one organization and try and rebrand them by learning about who they are, their purpose, style, and so on. I contacted Jubilee, Poke Burrito, and Joy Yee. I’m hoping to run with Jubilee but it seems unlikely but we’ll see! But I do need to have interviews done for them soon. If they don’t e-mail me back by Saturday, I think I’ll just call and/or go into their restaurant myself. I’m honestly not super hyped to rebrand a restaurant but I do want to explore the nonprofit sector. Maybe I’ll look into some more nonprofits tonight and continue contacting them. The Buddy Project has a pretty terrible design and because I know Shar, my chances of getting into contact with them are much higher! So maybe there! After that, I got a pizza bagel from the first floor since I knew I would be starving by the time I got off my shift at work. I was originally going to attend the SOC meeting but Amanda, one of the new workers, had to urgently take care of her mom and asked if someone could cover her. I know there will be more SOC meetings in the future so I checked with the other board members if it was fine and then I went. I watched the Adventure Time finale during my break before and IT WAS SO GOOD WOW. It could’ve been better but when Finn said, “I always thought I would go out saving someone” and Simon replied, “You don’t get to choose how you go.” I FELT THE FEELS. THE DESPERATION IN FINN’S VOICE! THE SOMBER TONE FROM SIMON! WOW. SO SAD. That was so #deep and really symbolized the end of the show with Finn’s very near death experience. He wouldn’t be able to die a hero’s death inside of Golb, his literal life purpose. Wow. And BMO’s song got stuck in my head. I don’t really understand the lyrics tbh but it’s such a chill, relaxing tune.

We’ll happen Happening, happened, we’ll We’ll happen Happening, happened, we’ll We’ll happen Happening, happened

so cute. I was pretty confused at the new characters in the intro at first but it was really sweet. They were basically descendants of Finn and Jake from a long time ago. Only BMO survived bc they’re a robot. Cute. I was so excited to tell Thor once I saw him at work!

While there, I was pretty bored bc there was only one ceramics class there. I got along pretty well with Skylar, one of the new workers, though we didn’t get to talk much since we were working on different sides. I guess that shift is all the newcomers so I’m a little worried but I’m sure the techs will help them a lot along the way. And they work other shifts to get used to the grind as well! Kenji’s paperwork didn’t go through though so I didn’t get to see him. And lowkey, I’m so used to working the morning shift that I forgot what you had to do for closing! But now I know today, lol. I laughed with Maddie at dumb puns and our discovery of other Godzilla monsters whilst trying to look into the megalodon. Maddie mentioned that she would love to deep sea since and I claimed that I would never because of how scary the creatures are down there. Then I showed her a picture of my comparison of Nate to the mayor of Whoville and she laughed so hard because she could see it too! I’m not crazy! I do want to tell him! One day.

But yeah, this morning I just “took the day off.” I rolled out of bed “late,” took out the trash, did my dishes, made my bed, cleaned the drain, wrote my reflection, took a shower, and so on. I’m happy with my progress for the day today. I am. Now, I just need to get into the habit of reading 1 Samuel whenever I have the chance! I want to really try to study for my team. I know it’s just a “fun game” but I have to at least try.

#reflection

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shrekshugebadussy · 6 years

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2017 has definitely been a year for me. it started off normal until about june. i went swimming with some friends and i got sick afterwards. my throat hurt and i was coughing. i had water stuck in my ears and they hurt, thinking they got infected (i used to always get ear infections when i was a kid. my ears don’t drain well). i went to urgent care and they took care of it. i then started feeling better and my cough went away and my throat started feeling better. and just when i thought i was going to be alright for good this time, i ended up fainting 3 times while at work.

i’ve fainted before when i was younger, but this time was different. i’ve never felt the heart palpitations before and definitely have never fainted more than once back to back like that. after i fainted the first time and i came to, i looked around and realized that i had actually caught myself from falling flat on the floor. but, thinking, “oh man not again, well, i should be fine now considering what i’ve done in the past.” nope. my head felt a little weird and i knew something was a little off. but i was very confused in the moment and i could really think for myself properly. my manager got me a chair and i got up and sat it in. i immediately felt worse and things started going black again. the next thing i know i’m on the floor again, this time face flat against it. my glasses got scratched and i ended up cutting my cheek a bit on my glasses. my initial reaction after coming to is to sit up. idk why. i just do. anyways they lied me back down on the floor and said they were calling 911. again, i was confused and couldn’t make the proper decisions for me, so i was like, “okay.” they thought i was having seizures by the way i was convulsing when i was out, but after i got up myself and got on the stretcher to go out to the ambulance, things started to get black again and i felt like i really wanted to sleep. i couldn’t keep my eyes open and i felt so weak and tired. i ended up fainting again while on my way out the door. they already had the monitor things hooked up to me on the stretcher so they saw that my heart rate dropped into the 30s when that happened so they knew it wasn’t seizures. i was fine afterwards after he had put an iv in me. i ended up staying in the er for about 8 hours and all they could tell me was that they couldn’t find anything wrong.

so i went home and i ended up spending the next 2-3 weeks recovering. by that i mean i got a week off work and had to go back in the second week even tho i still felt dizzy and like i wanted to faint at any moment. i didn’t, but i was only able to stay 3hrs a day that week. i pushed myself thru the lunch rush and then told them i needed to go home. the next week was better and i was pretty much fine after that. i never felt 100% since then tho, even tho most days were close. about august i ended up having some heartburn problems (i think it was. the zantac worked so i’m assuming it was). i wasn’t eating much anymore as my appetite seemed to have died when i fainted at work.

september came along and i started feeling acid reflux and heartburn again. it was kind of brutal but i started feeling better about halfway thru the month and i was going fine. but then i started running out of money and my appetite kind of went away again. i started to get so low that i wouldn’t go to classes if at all for a couple weeks. i didn’t even bother to go out and get groceries, meaning even if i wanted to eat i had nothing. i never realized how dehydrated i was either. until homecoming weekend in mid-october.

after the game my roommates’ friends came over and we all drank. it was an... eventful night, but it’s not really my place to talk about it. i drank more than i ever had in my life (which is nothing, i’ve never drank enough to get buzzed before so it wasn’t that much). i got buzzed this time and when i woke up the next day i could tell something was off. i didn’t even think that it was maybe dehydration and then drinking on top of that making it worse. i ended up going through the week feeling absolutely shitty. i would sit in class and just feel so weak and fatigued that i could barely lift my arm up without feeling like i was putting all my energy into it. i tried drinking more water but i think i was already so badly dehydrated that my body didn’t want to retain it or something. it ended up being that thursday of the week that i woke up and knew that day was going to be different. i was at my wits end. i decided i was going to go to health services on campus here, but i didn’t think i was going to be able to drive, let alone i also didn’t want to go alone. i was lucky enough i got a friend to take me. but then they said i had to have a referral from my pcp in order for them to take my insurance. i didn’t have a pcp, and the insurance place told my mom they couldn’t do anything unless i had that referral. so, as i’m sitting there trying to get things figured out, i felt like i was getting worse by the hour of the day. i was losing my patience and i felt horrible. i ended up telling my friend to just take me to urgent care.

when i got to the urgent care, i walked in and told the lady what was going on. she just looked at me and said reluctantly, almost, that with the way i’m feeling and the limited resources they had there, that i needed to be at the ER. so i went to the er and i had to explain myself again and again. that was when they did more tests on me to compare to june’s and the only thing they could notice was my heart rate being high. especially when i stood up.

they had me do the lay down, sit up, stand up test like 5 times throughout the 5 hours i was in the er. (actually the last three hours i think was when they really noticed it and kept testing it). they noticed that when i stood up, my heart rate spiked into the 120s and didn’t want to come down. after 2 ivs in the er, i was starting to feel better, but they decided to keep me overnight for observation on my vitals.

i got no sleep that night. i tried my best but i was so uncomfortable, out of my element, alone, and worried. i could hear other patients in the rooms next to me everynowandthen. at one point of the night i heard beeping and a nurse running down the hall (keep in mind i was in the cardiovascular part of the hospital stay or whatever). i kind of freaked out a bit and i just couldn’t rest. (i heard the nurse ask if he was alright and he said he was okay so idk). i also had a roommate. even tho we had the curtain to separate us, i still knew she was in the room with me. i was kind of uncomfortable with that too. i didn’t want to wake her or disturb her or anything. she was already having a lot of unbearable chest pains and all. plus, out the the 20 some hours i was there in that room, no one came to see her. i felt so bad for her. (and this wasn’t her first time in the hospital for cardiovascular events). i felt so bad for her.

anyways, i was so tired the next morning and i felt sick to my stomach. i really thought i was going to puke. they came in with breakfast and i tried my best to eat, but i couldn’t eat much. i eventually stopped trying and just laid there, suffering. my vitals thru the night were normal, but they were high normal. like, 80s-90s when laying down. when i got up tho, they still spiked into the 110s-120s. and i was already on my 4th bag of fluids. one doctor eventually came in and took an ultrasound of my heart. everything looked normal to them. the only thing they noticed (with other tests, not the ultrasound) was that i had an inverse of... some kind of waves, idr what they’re called, and one of my valves opens differently than normal. but, it’s not of any concern as they told me it’s just something people have. (learn something new every day huh?)

anyways, the cardiologist finally came in to see me after my mom got there. he started talking to me about how i felt when i fainted in june and all that. he said that it sounds like i had vasodeppressor syncope (idk how to spell it) in june and that it probably turned into POTS, considering most, if not all, of my symptoms were of pots. so he did his normal checking routine with the stethoscope and feeling my ankle and said that everything is working like it should, just why my heart rate is so high was a little confusing cuz i had 4 bags of fluids and it wasnt calming down like it should. he ended up giving me the lowest dose of metoprolol tartrate to see if that would work on calming my heart rate. if not then i would be put on the table. i really didn’t want to be put on the table. and i had really bad anxiety whenever the doctors would see me, so i shook a lot, and my heart rate when up during that time :/ but 🤷🏻‍♀️. after about an hour or so, the cardiologist came back and said that he liked where my heart rate was at (in the 70s now) so they released me that friday evening.

i went home, like, all the way home back away from school. i had my medication now and i was ready to get some rest. the only thing tho, was that i must’ve been so exhausted that i fainted again. i walked into my house and stood at the counter for awhile. i was reading the side effects and what not for my new medication and when i started reading about some of the side effects that could be dangerous idk why i thought i showed some but i started freaking out a bit and the next thing i know i’m fast walking to the living room trying to take a seat before things start going black on me. i only made it to the archway when things started going black and i said so out loud as my mom and brother were still in the kitchen. i must’ve made it to the couch tho cuz the next thing i know i’m sitting on the couch, hands on my cheeks repeating, “oh my god oh my god,” while my mom was in front of me consoling me. i didn’t come back all the way right away (if that makes sense). like. i went out and when i came too things were still partially black and my hearing felt like i was underwater and i could hear ringing. (no heart palpitations tho). i must’ve went out again not too long after that cuz then i remember sitting back up and my mom still consoling me telling me to lay back down. i was at a weird angle on the couch but i felt so tired and weak and i was afraid if i moved or even tried to get up i would faint again. we considered going back to the er there in lansing, but i seemed to be fine after the second event. my mom had never been around me when i fainted before, so this was new to her and it scared her (sorry mom). she said like what the others have told me when they watched me faint: my eyes roll back into my head and i start convulsing. which is weird cuz i don’t feel anything or hear anything or see anything, whatever. i just assumed i become limp and my eyes are closed 🤷🏻‍♀️. anyways, my grandma was called (she was with me when i was at work back in june) and she came over and they watched me for a bit. i’m sure my brother was scared too cuz he’s never seen me faint since we where kids. anyways, my mom called the nurse back from the hospital near my university and the nurse said that since i’m not a patient there anymore that she really couldn’t say whether or not i need to be back at a hospital. my mom had taken my heart rate when i was coming back and all that. i seemed to be fine, so my mom camped me out on the couch there and she slept in the chair next to me that night.

i slept fine that night. and even tho i was still not definitely 100%, i was just happy i got some sleep. i still felt super dizzy (my medication didn’t help majorly with this part) and i had trouble walking and standing for long periods of time as i was afraid i was gonna faint again. my mom helped me to the bathroom for a couple days and at the end of the week i ended up being alright to go back to school. i ended up not going back to classes right away tho cuz i still felt crappy and i needed to get used to the fact that i was back at school, alone and away from my mom/comfort.

then, halloween day, i had my first doctors appointment (and second technically as both were scheduled on the same day). i went to this one guy who is probably going to be my new pcp. the next one was the cardiologist. the pcp guy prescribed me prozac and both doctors said i was good and that they’re glad i’m doing alright. the cardiologist was happy with my heart rate and he told me he hopes i don’t have POTS cuz there’s no cure and it’s a headache to treat, but he would pretty much have to put me on the table to find out i’m afraid. anyways, i started prozac the next day and over the next couple nights i started to lose sleep. i couldn’t sleep no matter what and i was starting to feel absolutely exhausted and weak that i could barely walk to the bathroom without feeling like i could pass out. plus, my room was so freaking hot and i couldn’t open my window cuz a spider was in there so just fucking rip me i guess.

i eventually cracked open the window and my friend got me some melatonin that was able to help me sleep. i was able to get the spider with some spray but i got it on my finger and i went to wash my hands good, but when i was about done things started going black again and i somehow made it to my bed before i fainted so i was able to save myself. i lost my appetite throughout this whole weekend and my stomach hurt really bad. it ended up hurting most at night and the next morning i had gotten sick. only, there was basically nothing for me to get rid of. after i started getting some sleep i started feeding myself more (forcefully) and i drank more. i found a way to take my pill that was easier than trying to swallow it cuz at the time i couldn’t swallow it and i wasted one because of it. i ended up putting it in applesauce and i ate it that way for weeks. but, i had to force myself to eat cuz nothing sounded good and every time something went in my mouth i wanted to gag so it was rough. i eventually grew out of it and then i was able to eat well and drink more.

i missed classes for about a month. i have no motivation or ambition to get caught up on the things i’ve missed, even tho i’ve tried and succeeded on some. i’m failing about 3/4 or even all four of my classes. but i just can’t bring myself to care. i just want to go home. i haven’t been able to get a job bcuz of my condition and so i’m basically broke and idk what i’m gonna do. i felt pretty shitty this past week and today i’m actually feeling better but who knows how long that’s gonna last. i can try to get a job but idk who’s gonna take me with this condition and depends on what i can do cuz i ain’t going back to mcdonald’s where i’m on my feet for long periods of the day doing constant activity. i would faint again. i know it. and, i can’t just stop taking classes cuz then i would really have to get a job to start paying off my debts.

i can definitely say it’s been a year, but i guess i can’t say it’s been a bad one. (tbf id say the worst year was when my grandpa died and then my other relatives after that but anyways). i did get vip tickets to see my favorite band and even tho i wasn’t able to go, my friend picked up my items for me. and, i did come out to my mom and things haven’t changed between us so that’s good. she accepts me and just wants me to be happy and healthy. so i mean, this year hasn’t been horrible i guess.

sorry this was so long and if anyone even read all of this i thank you for taking and interest in me. i hope 2018 will be better for me and everyone else ❤️

#im so sorry this is so long #nobody has to read this #this is mainly for me to look back upon in the future but it is out here so read it if you really want to #mine #spacegayrants #quinns 2017 #long post

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