#dumbasses in love

[sodamnbored]

Leo: There are two things in this life that I am utterly committed to.

Jason: Oh yeah? What are they?

Leo, smoothly: Well the first is obviously you, handsome.

Jason, flustered and pleased: And the second?

Leo, solemnly: The bit.

[crazydaymycrazyway]

In the modern era when they're still not dating

Hua Cheng: How does this shirt look, gege?

Xie Lian: It looks great, San Lang! I wish I could pull that off.

Hua Cheng: Go ahead

Xie Lian: What?

Hua Cheng: What.

[kitkatpancakestack]

Buck and Eddie really just stumble into their relationships and treat them like cataclysmic events to see how the other will react. just side eyeing each other like a big dumb game of chicken the whole time. now this the only way they know how to live. Straight up vibing like an old married couple when they have whole entire gfs. The emOtionAL InfiDELiTY. Dumbass gay ass cringe ass idiots. I love them so much.

[scumplanecucumberaircraft]

*SY and SQH at an art museum*

Shang Qinghua: Can we take a picture?

Shen Yuan, taking out his phone: Fine.

Shang Qinghua grabbing a painting off the wall: Ok RUN.

Shen Yuan: WAIT-

[your-honor-im-zesty]

Stuck in the Boiler Room with You and Your Stupid Blue Eyes

Leo was straight, okay? He was straight. With a capital S. Just your Typical Straight Heterosexual Guy Who Is Very Much Attracted To Girls But Not Guys.

Yeah, that was him. To a T.

Which was why he was absolutely infuriated by Jason's eyes.

He hated them. They were blue- electric blue, piercing and clear. They crinkled and narrowed and fluttered and squinted all while remaining that frustrating shade of blue. Which he hated.

It was distracting, for one. He can hardly get any work done whenever Jason's around, because Jason was his best friend, and everyone talked to their best friends. And when Leo talked to people, he looked at them, right in the face- and inevitably, right into those frustratingly blue eyes.

Like right now, for instance.

"So," said Jason, leaning to peer at the Argo ll blueprints. He points to the room they're in right now- the boiler room. "Here's where we are." His fingers drags across the paper to pause at the hallway of rooms. "And that's where everyone else is."

"Congratulations, Grace- you can see!" Leo keeps his voice cheery and sarcastic, trying to focus his gaze on the blueprints and not those damn blue peepers.

Jason snorted. "You're very happy for someone who's locked in a boiler room for the next 3 hours."

That pretty much killed the mood.

Leo wasn't even sure how or why the boiler room was locked; he had double checked the mechanics back at Camp Half-Blood, and it had been adequate enough. So there was no reason for them to be stuck in here without any means of leaving- but hey, maybe the universe hated him. It certainly seemed to be holding a grudge against him lately. He wondered if he'd done something wrong in his past life and this was his penance.

"Relax, Superman- 3 hours you'll be blessed with my gracious presence!" he said brightly. "It's a great honor, really. If either of us should be bursting with happiness right now, it's you."

Jason huffed. "Piper'll have my ass for this in the morning," he muttered.

Ah yes. Piper. The girlfriend. Of his best friend. That also kind of killed the mood, though he wasn't sure how. Piper was also his best friend, and it wasn't like he hated her or anything. She was a pleasant person (when she wasn't raving about Drew Tanaka or making googly eyes at Jason)

Eyes. Jason. That was a no-no combination. He really had to stop thinking about it.

He clasped his hands together. "Never fear, Jason! Your very smart, very handsome, very heroic best friend can think himself out of every problem." He winked. "We'll be out of here before the clock strikes twelve, Cinderella."

"Cinderella?" Jason looked at him blankly.

"Dude. Don't tell me you don't know Cinderella."

Jason shrugged.

"Come on!" Leo was appalled. "What did you read growing up? What were your bedtime stories?"

"Lupa once told me the story of a boy who got eaten," Jason mused. "He talked too much, apparently. She told me the same thing would happen to me if I didn't shut my mouth."

O-kay. Leo made a mental note to schedule a therapy appointment for his best friend. That boy had some serious trauma.

"Alright, Plan A," he announced. "Unlocking the door."

"You already tried that. Multiple times."

Leo wrinkled his nose at him. "Man, at least be my cheerleader if you're not gonna help. Put those pretty boy looks to use."

It was a joke, obviously- even if Leo did think Jason was the living embodiment of pretty boy. But Jason looked more flustered than amused by the joke.

"Sure," he coughed, taking a sudden interest in the floor. "Go Leo. L-E-O. For Leo."

"You're pathetic," Leo told him. He walked away, making a bee-line for the boiler door. Jason trailed after him. "Seriously, Piper would be disappointed."

At the mention of Piper, Jason clammed up.

Leo knelt, taking a screwdriver from his pocket and began to work. Often, when Leo switched to what he liked to call his "Magic Mindset", his fingers suddenly had a mind of their own. He didn't even know the kinks of half the things he fixed, but in situations like this, the answers came naturally, like they'd been sitting in the back of his mind as excess knowledge. Thanks, Hephaestus.

But Magic Mindset seemed to be out of order today; a few minutes had passed and the door remained firmly locked.

Leo grunted, rising to his feet. "Damn door," he grumbled, pocketing his screwdriver.

Jason looked smug, all earlier bashfulness gone. "Told you so."

"Shut up, Grace. Onto Plan B."

"Which is...?"

Leo pointed at him. "Your job, not mine. It's not fair for me to do all the work, is it?"

Jason narrowed his eyes- shit, his eyes. "Fucker," he groused, which was surprising. You would think The Golden Boy Jason Grace, Son of Jupiter and New Rome's Grandest Hero, would know better than to curse.

Jason peered around; his eyes- Leo cursed at himself, what was it about those eyes?- caught on the ceiling. "There."

"What?" Leo followed his gaze. "That's a ceiling, dude."

"Look closer."

Leo did and- oh. Oh.

Hell no.

"That's ridiculous," he said. "I'm not climbing into an air vent. I have too much dignity for that."

Jason looked unfazed. "Have fun in the boiling room alone, then."

"Wha- HEY! GRACE GET BACK HERE!"

Jason had launched himself into the air, and was now hovering a few feet above. A rare, mischievous grin unfurled across his face- Leo didn't even know Jason had the ability to be mischievous. "Coming or not?"

"You're a menace to society," Leo told him. "And I'm speaking as the person who gets frequently shamed for putting pineapple on his pizza."

"I was raised by wolves- forgive me if my ettiquette isn't very decent," said Jason dryly. He reached a hand below, and Leo accepted it.

Shit. Was his hand greasy? He never really washed it after using his tools...and now he wished he had. Curse his lazy ass.

His hand was definitely warm. Double shit. Jason was probably grossed out. Was he grossed out? Leo craned his neck to check; Jason was staring back at him, brows furrowed. He didn't look disgusted, per se, but his expression was definitely odd.

"What? Admiring my good looks?" Leo teased.

Jason's cheeks blotched red. "Can't admire something nonexistent," he retorted, yanking Leo from the ground. His free hand grabbed Leo's elbow, adjusting him so that they were eye level in the air.

Damn blue eyes. They would be the death of him.

"Alright, Tinkerbell," Leo said. "Get me up there- I'll unscrew the vent for you, be your Peter Pan."

"What the hell is a Tinkerbell?" Jason muttered as he floated them both higher, until the air vent was within reach. Leo reached for his screwdriver once again, making a mental note to buy Jason a storybook once they returned from their quest. If they returned from their quest.

"Your lack of childhood upsets me," he said mildly as he unscrewed the vent open. Jason grunted and gently pushed him in; Leo crawled in.

"You coming?"

Jason grunted in reply, crawling inside. Leo couldn't see him, but his voice sounded distinctly disgruntled. "I hate small spaces."

"Genius idea, then, to use one to escape," Leo said sardonically.

"They're too small."

"Once again, proving your eyesight to be exceptional, Mr. Grace."

Jason let out a growl reminiscent to a wolf's. "Valdez, you better start crawling."

---------------

i had way too much fun writing this fic. (in my defense, i'm on a writing spree rn)

[gummie]

Gay ppl

[hang-on-lil-tomato]

Deliberate Mistakes in OFMD

so…I’m a recent graduate of a massage therapy program. I’m reviewing material for my Mblex exam, and I came to a realization about something…

you know how Blackbeard prompts Stede to stab him in the lower left? And he claims there are no important bits there. 😂

Stede thinks the liver is there.

well, they’re both idiots,

the liver is in the upper right quadrant of the abdomen.

Now, gut stabbing is never good. Puncture your digestive tract, colon or small intestine, you’re in a world of hurt. Plus, back then, they had infections which is how they likely died.

bonus…

when Nick Krall’s pompous character says he wants thornrose (Stede) to “palpitate” his wife, he’s using an incorrect term. The correct word for manually exploring someone’s anatomy with your hands is PALPATE. Palpitation “makes you feel like your heart is beating too fast.”

Yeah, I’m a pedantic biatch, but I love this stuff, because it clearly deliberate! 🤓🤓🤓

[natsurit]

A bit old but still love this one

Dating vs Married Couple

[spectraling]

Thoughts are being thunked

[lovebillyhargrove]

30-something billy applying steve's cum on his face after his boyfriend/husband/one and only spilled on either of their bellies/chests etc./ or after getting a facial cause "that's pure protein, best stuff for the skin babe" and steve's like 😲🥰 "you're so gross i'm so in love with you it's ridiculous"

[glorious-spoon]

@wildlife4life and @leothil tagged me to share something I'm working on recently, so here's a snippet of an AU that is much more lighthearted than it looks from this particular scene, I promise.

-

"I got him," Bobby says, and then he's leaning over Buck, pressing bloody fingers to his throat. His face is tearstained, his smile wobbly. "Hey, kid. You gave us quite a scare."

"Sorry," Buck manages.

"Do you know who you are? Who I am?"

"Buck. Y'r Bobby. And that's Chim 'n Hen 'n—" he stops. Eddie. Where's Eddie?

It doesn't hurt to move his head, but it does take an incredible effort, like his muscles are all made out of soggy dough. He manages, though.

Eddie is no longer holding his hand. He's standing a few feet back, arms crossed tightly across his chest, and he's staring at Buck with a completely unreadable expression.

For a moment, Buck just blinks at him uncomprehendingly. Then he remembers.

You're the love of my life. Kissing Eddie, and the way that Eddie didn't kiss him back.

That stunned, horrified look, in the handful of seconds that followed.

Merciful darkness.

Shit.

-

Tagging @lynne-monstr, @faejilly, @fraddit, @alessandriana, @incognitajones, and anyone else who wants to play!

[sodamnbored]

Percy: *holding Jason’s hand*

Jason, curiously: What’s this? This is new.

Percy, shrugging: Bromance dude.

Jason: Oh. Nice.

Percy: *lacing their fingers*

Jason: Um?

Percy, wiggling his eyebrows: With a silent B.

[carothepoet]

The only power in the universe stronger than Aziraphale and Crowley’s commitment to each other is their commitment to misunderstanding each other

[chloefraazers]

eyefucking 101 with nil & aloy, 3/4 | Horizon: Forbidden West (2022)

[scumplanecucumberaircraft]

Shen Qingqiu: I am at a loss for words.

Shang Qinghua, narrating: Despite Cucumber bro being lost for words, he continued yelling for ten minutes.

[brdmtsn]

oh