#eat your peas

[hollyaart]

[tomboy014]

So... anyone remember Miss Piddlin?

Back when I was a kid in the 90's (yes, I'm old), reruns of a show called All That would play, and one of my favorite skits was Miss Piddlin and her peas.

I had peas with my lunch today, and since I can't eat peas without "Miss Piddlin knows e'erybody loves peas" playing through my head at least half a dozen times, I was thinking about her and her skits.

And then I started thinking about the Lunch Lady from Danny Phantom, and there were some interesting parallels.

To start with, you have two sweet, elderly lunch ladies in pink who just want to feed the children a healthy, nutritious lunch...

...except Miss Piddlin has one hell of a temper and will turn on a dime, attacking you if you disagree with her or give her an answer she doesn't like. So will the Lunch Lady.

The Lunch Lady will go on a rampage if you change her menu. Miss Piddlin is a woman who had no problem braining someone over the head with a lunch tray for daring to serve carrots in her cafeteria (RIP Miss Toodles). You do not mess with their menus.

And both of them will literally start steaming when you get them mad.

Between all of that, and the fact that Tucker thinks the Lunch Lady looks kinda like his grandma...

...I propose that the Lunch Lady is the ghost of Miss Piddlin.

[bonefall]

Willowpelt sounds SO autistic, it not being funny wraps around into being funny again.

My secret is being so autistic and so surrounded by so many other autistic people that I forget what tismless people even do. Everyone in BB ends up getting a touch of ADHDautism. As a treat.

But yeah when I was jotting it down I realized it too. Like wow, I really hit this one with the autism beam. Me and you, Willy, we will both have adamantine opinions. I cannot condone your hatred of apples but you do have a good point about oak trees.

[barbreypilled]

can I say she’s the Prim of The Dragon Books or will y’all put me to the sword

don’t tag as racebending

[meowthiroth]

I know when you "feed" Gale magical items to stabilize him, they probably just disappear or something, but I also find the idea of him actually, literally eating the items absolutely hilarious

[banjo-villalinx]

direct was great yesterday. speaking of yesterday, i meant to make this yesterday but never got around to it... until now. anyways shout out to the one guy in every direct asking for tomodachi life 2. lets hope his wish comes true

eat your pea, herbert!

[marklikely]

rats don't even like eating snacks they just like snatching food out of your hands. theft instinct.

[adriel-the-unfortunate]

POV: You're being heated up in the microwave (It hasn't been cleaned since the chicken parmesan incident of '09)

[vgfeather]

I’m coming back here to say that I’m done with this game

[solacedeer]

I always picture keith with larger Canines, For like. keith needs more prominent canines. Like Kind keith smiles with his mouth closed but when he finally laughs without Restraint in that one scene you get to see his teeth. Kinda like Hinting at that carnivore thing.

[justherefornothing1]

@mcytblrholidayexchange gift for @mizmothree !!! Slimecicle, JuanaFlippa, AND Elmariana for the New Year!!! Hope you enjoy :)

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” 

Charlie rolled his eyes and looked behind him at Mariana, who was trying to level him with a glare. “Well, I was planning on it, bitch.” He bit into the word, trying to get a reaction out of Mariana. Of course, it did, with the other man scrunching up his face into a scowl and giving Charlie the finger. Charlie, satisfied, slammed Mariana’s door as hard as he could. Separated by a wall, he sighed.

 “Well. 3 weeks.” He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets before walking through the alleys connecting Mariana’s apartment complex to Main Street. He began to mumble to himself. “That has got to be a record. I don’t think he’s ever contained his nagging for so long before.” Charlie kicked a concrete pebble, watching it clank against a metal garbage can. “I mean, why do I even keep trying? I know that it can’t last. I know that. Instead, we’re like that fucking Taylor Swift-no wait I think it was Kate Perry-song.” Charlie turned onto the street, joining the scattered people walking under a darkened sky. “Maybe this should be it. Maybe I should just forget his fucking face. Maybe I actually block his number this time. Maybe-” The sky suddenly thundered, cutting off Charlie’s self-pity session. He looked up, managing to mumble out an “Oh shit” before the sky poured down rain. 

The small crowd around him suddenly got smaller as people scurried into stores. Charlie himself really wanted to crawl into a store and order something hot, but reasoned that his house was only a short walk away. So he flipped up his jacket collar and walked faster down the street. Between the breakup and the rain, it wasn’t shaping up to be a good day. 

Charlie decided to short cut through a back alley to his apartment, nearly tripping on his shoelaces while turning the corner. He caught himself on the brick wall, steading himself with his hand. “Thank god”, he muttered. “I really didn’t want to eat it in a puddle.” Saying that, he righted himself, stretched out his right foot to start walking again, and felt something furry on his foot before tripping over it.

He crashed into the pavement, shoulder first. He yelped and skidded a bit before crashing into a garbage can, which unluckily was full with trash. It dumped its contents on Charlie, then clanged onto the pavement with no ceremony. 

He groaned, rolled over onto his back, cringing at the way whatever was beneath him squished and squelched. “Fuck, man, my bones...” He pushed himself upright to his elbows and looked around. “Alright, who did this?” he shouted at the empty alley. “This isn’t funny. I sorta like this jacket!” He scanned the small area, and saw a small worm- no wait, a tail?- behind some different garbage cans. Charlie got back on his feet and crept towards the…thing. It didn’t move, so he kept creeping, creeping…

WHAM! He grabbed onto the thing and immediately felt something sharp dig into his skin. He sucked in his breath, but didn’t let go as he brought the trickster up to eye level. It was…

“Oh. My. God.” Currently nipping at his hand was a cat, with ears that were too big for its head. It twitched and swung unceremoniously, only stopping to meow indignantly. 

Charlie’s frown grew into a small smile and he chuckled. “A cat. I got tripped up by a cat.” The cat tilted its head sideways, and trilled in a tone that Charlie imagined meant Can you please put me down?

 “Ok you rascal. I’ll put you down.” He gently placed the cat down on the ground. It chirped thankfully and began to rub against Charlie’s leg. His smile grew even wider. “So you’re sorry? Is that what you’re saying?” He leaned down to scratch the cat behind the ears, which elicited purring from the small creature. “Well, I accept your apology. But you’re not getting away unscathed.” He studied the cat as it continued to lean into his hand. Its fur was light brown, but appeared to have bits of darker colors speckled within. However, it was extremely matted and filthy. Suddenly, he got an idea. Charlie turned to face the cat. “You don’t like baths, do you?”

—•—•—≽^•⩊•^≼—•—•—•

Charlie found out 3 things about bathing a cat that day.

You’re supposed to brush the mats out of the fur before bathing.

Human shampoo is NOT the same as cat shampoo.

It’s a good idea to cut their nails ahead of time.

Number one was found out after looking up “how to give a cat a bath” into Google and scanning through the first article he found. According to some doctor of veterinary medicine, mats would only hinder the effects of the bath, so it was best to comb them out beforehand. He managed to improvise a specialized comb with a small metal one he found stashed in the back of his bathroom cabinet. Thankfully, the mats weren’t anything major, and Flippo (as he was now calling the cat) actually seemed to enjoy the experience. 

Number two was in the same article as number one. Apparently some shampoos would harm cats more than they would help, and Charlie did not want to hurt this newfound friend of his (did the cat consider him a friend though? He had no clue). But outside it was still pouring, and Charlie did not want to go out in the rain, in his dirty jacket, to buy cat shampoo. “Well, my friend, you’ll just have a bath without shampoo. Shouldn’t be that bad,” he proclaimed. Frontflipo (just Flippo wasn’t working out) chirped in response. 

Number three wasn’t mentioned in any article or video that Charlie watched. In fact, he didn’t realize it until he was putting a band-aid on the 9th scratch. He turned to look at the cat. “JuanFlippo, you really have it out for me, don’t you?” he asked the cat. 

JuanFlippo (Frontflipo was already a mildly famous stunt act somewhere in Oklahoma, Charlie learned.) meowed in a low tone. You’re the one who thought giving a bath to a cat, who hates water, was a good idea.

“Yeah, but at least you’re clean now,” Charlie retorted.

And it was true. Despite the lack of soap, JuanFlippo was significantly cleaner. Currently he was in the process of grooming the rest of his coat, which turned out to be more beige than Charlie expected. All in all, a win for the cat. 

Not so much for Charlie. 

“Now I’m gonna go get clean. And if you wreck my apartment, I’ll…I don’t know. Throw you out the window. Or something. Just don’t do anything.” Charlie turned to go shower away the banana split in his hair, and sincerely hoped that JuanFlippo was well-behaved. 

Surprisingly, he was. But he was also (as Charlie so kindly put it) “a spiteful little shit”.

“Really?” Charlie was once again holding JuanFlippo, but in a sort of “air jail”. “You behave yourself for a full 30 minutes, not moving a paw, but the minute I step out of my shower you decide to tip over my mother’s heirloom vase.” He frowned at the cat. “You better thank your lucky stars that I thought it was ugly.” JuanFlippo chirped happily and contorted his face into something Charlie suspected was a smirk.  “Very funny, you little fucker,” he replied. 

•—•—•—≽^•⩊•^≼—•—•—•

That night, Charlie went to bed with a cat on his chest. It was a bit weird, but comforting. Sorta like the time Mariana laid his head on Charlie’s chest when they were watching TV, and they were close and warm and Charlie didn’t want to get up and he had “I love you” on the tip of his tongue and-

Oh god. He was thinking about him again. 

Charlie covered his face with his pillow. Try to forget, he told himself. You need to forget. 

Forget his name, forget his face, forget his favorite color and which shows he likes. Forget his address! It’s not like you pass by there often. It’s out of the way, hidden, secret, easily forgettable. Forget the way he laughs when you tell a funny joke. Forget the way he looks at you when you try speaking Spanish but you fuck up the pronunciation. Forget. Forget. Forget.

He let out a groan. This wasn’t working.

JuanFlippo woke up and stretched himself before slipping his nose under Charlie’s pillow. He found Charlie’s chin and gave it a lick before chirping softly. Are you ok, Charlie?

“Y’know what, goober? I’m not alright.” Charlie sat up gently, letting the cat settle down on his lap before he began to scratch behind the ears. “I keep thinking about my boyfriend. Well, he’s sorta my boyfriend. We have a weird on-again off-again relationship. Like that one song? ‘You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in-‘” JuanFlippo suddenly meowed. Charlie cut off his singing and stared at the cat. “Was it really that bad?”

JuanFlippo simply stared. I’ll forgive you if you keep scratching.

Charlie sighed before beginning to pet the cat again. “But you get the idea. We can’t go for more than a few weeks before we get in a big fight, and I say something stupid, and then we curse a bit and I slam the door in his face. Wait a minute.” Charlie looked at JuanFlippo. “I’m the problem, aren’t I?” 

JuanFlippo did a bit of an eye roll. Isn’t it obvious?

“No JuanFlippo, it was not obvious before. It took talking to you to figure it out.” Charlie paused again. “And that’s the other issue, isn’t it? I don’t talk to Mariana about this shit. I talk with a cat who’s only here for the head scratches.” JuanFlippo purred in response, and Charlie leaned back to lay his head down. “I need to fix this. Figure out how to mend a broken relationship. Because despite everything I try, I can’t forget him. I-” He paused. “Dare I say I love him?” JuanFlippo trilled and rubbed his cheek against Charlie’s stomach. “Oh, I like you too goober,” he chuckled. “And I would appreciate your help in the morning. I’ve got a plan.”

•—•—•—≽^•⩊•^≼—•—•—•

At precisely 11:26 am, Charlie rapt his knuckles on Mariana’s front door. No one answered. At 11:28 am, Charlie tried again. The bag he was carrying meowed. “Shh. Be quiet,” he whispered. At 11:29 am, he knocked again, and a few seconds later he got a text on his phone.

Elmariana: go away pendejo

Elmariana: i’m crying 

Me: Give Me Five Minutes. Por Favor?

At 11:31 am the door opened. Mariana was in a bathrobe, holding a cup of black coffee in the hand that wasn’t on the door. His eyes were red, and he looked like he hadn’t slept since the breakup. “What, Charlie?” he said, sounding almost on the verge of tears.  

Charlie took a deep breath in, and out. “I recognize that I’ve made you upset multiple times in the past over some issues. I am sorry, lo siento, that I did those things and didn’t apologize for them later on. I thought that I was in the right, but in reality you were right most of the time, and you were the one working on fixing it. And I didn’t realize it, so every time we got back together I took it for granted. I’m really sorry, and I’m going to work on fixing it. I swear.” 

Mariana stared at him. Charlie stared back. Mariana exhaled. Charlie exhaled. Mariana spoke. “Why?” 

“What?” 

“Why? Why-” Mariana motioned wildly with the hand not holding his coffee. “Why…why now?” Charlie pursed his lips, then reached into his bag and pulled out JuanFlippo. Mariana gasped and put his coffee down on a side table. Charlie handed the cat over to him. JuanFlippo immediately began to rub against the fluffy part of Mariana’s bathrobe. Mariana smiled and began to stroke his back. “Hola gato. ¿Cómo se llama?” JuanFlippo chirped and looked over at Charlie. Yeah, what’s my name? 

Charlie cleared his throat and said, “It’s JuanFlippo.” 

Mariana looked up and chuckled. “I think it’s-uh, how do you say?” He fumbles with the word for a bit, until Charlie figures it out. 

“Female.”

“Yes, that,” Mariana replied, and held JuanFlippo belly-out to prove it. 

Oh. Oh shit.

“Well, uh, I guess it’s JuanaFlippa now.” Charlie smiled sheepishly. Mariana threw his head back and laughed. It made Charlie’s heart pound against his chest, but he chose to ignore it in favor of continuing his mission. 

“Anyways, I found JuanFl- JuanaFlippa, and by talking to him, no, her, I realized that I was the one in the wrong.” Charlie looks directly at Mariana. “And I also realized that if this thing,” he gestured between him and Mariana, “is going to work out, I need to learn to communicate with you.” He reaches into his bag and pulls out a book with a bold black title. It reads, How To Communicate Effectively With Your Parrot (And Other Living Things) by G. T. W. Ska. “I found this book at the library. Apparently the author’s well-known for transforming the way people communicate and think. So I was hoping it would help.” 

“Is there- uh- in Spanish?” Mariana asked as he pointed towards the book. 

“There should be,” Charlie replied. “According to the back cover it’s been translated into 15 languages.” 

Mariana smiled, gently dropped JuanaFlippa in Charlie’s bag, then took Charlie’s hand and started dragging him in the general direction of the library. “Then we go now,” he stated, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Charlie let out a laugh. “What about your clothes?” Mariana suddenly stopped, and Charlie ran straight into him. Mariana caught him by the upper arms, stabilizing both of them. He looked down at himself, then back at Charlie, and smiled.  “I forgot. Lo siento.” 

They ran back to the house. Mariana grabbed his remaining coffee, chugged it, then slammed the door behind him (consequently, in Charlie’s face). Charlie managed to make out a “¡cinco minutos!” from behind the door. 

JuanaFlippa poked her head out of the bag and chirped. “Yeah, he’s always like this,” Charlie chuckled and gave JuanaFlippa a pat. She trilled in response. Lovely. Another crazy man to deal with. 

Mariana jumped out of the house again, this time suitably dressed. He once again grabbed Charlie’s hand and started running. He let out a whoop of joy. “¡Vamos, mi amor!” Mariana cried. Charlie giggled before yelling back, “I love you!” Mariana looked back with a smile, and oh that smile could kill Charlie. He loved it. He loved Mariana. He loved JuanaFlippa. He loved, and loved, and- oh no-

Charlie’s foot got caught in a crack in the pavement, and he fell onto his face. Mariana let out a cry. JuanaFlippa leapt out of the bag and started nosing for Charlie’s face.

Charlie let out a groan. “Fuck man, my bones…” Mariana reached out with his hand to help him up. Charlie took it gratefully. “Are you okay?” Mariana said before cupping Charlie’s face in his hands and looking it over. Charlie waved him off. “I’m fine. I just…fell head over heels I guess!” Mariana gave a chuckle before planting a small kiss on Charlie’s forehead. “Don’t forget JuanaFlippa,” he said, motioning to the cat. JuanaFlippa meowed as she was placed back into the bag. Charlie grabbed Mariana’s hand, and together the dynamic trio walked towards the future. 

Together.

[terrorbirb]

:((((((((( boss didn't buy me lunch like they normally do on people's last day. Commence absolute minimal effort to finish out this job.

[messysketchyobeyme]

HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR

[stone-cold-groove]

Eat peas. Be happy.

[belovedweighed]

" You know Maria, I've been thinking...what if Silent Hill isn't some twisted nightmare after all? What if it's just that dog's elaborate prank gone wrong? I mean, have you seen the way she looks at me? It's like she knows something we don't. "

"James, honey, shut up and eat your cold canned peas. They're good for you."

[savageboar]

my fishkeeping isn't perfect, sometimes i forget to clean the filter media when i do a water change. but you know at least i have a big enough tank with lots of hiding spots...and i don't feed my fish vienna sausages.