#edit why did my grandma send me a text saying ‘one more day!’ immediately after i posted this WRDHFN 😭

[pallases]

everything’s falling APARTTTT

[euphoria-svt]

Hesitate [Part 3 of Be Alright]

A/N: Long overdue but I’m finally done with my thesis so yay for that! This last part is inspired by Hesitate by Jonas Brothers because I had the idea right after I went for their concert I still miss them so much wow my pcd is horrible. Anyways I hope you enjoy this one! 

On a totally different note, I hope everyone is doing okay in their isolations! It’s not an easy time for the world right now but I hope there is something we can look forward to soon. Always remember to check in with loved ones and my ask/inbox is always open if you need a friend to talk to. Stay healthy and safe, my loves ❤️

————————————————————

Be Alright [Part 1] | Back to You [Part 2]

Word count: 2.4k

Being on the road was not as easy as Connor thought it would be. The more days he spent working and travelling, the lesser time he had on his phone. The first few months, he tried to check up on you almost every day. Although it consists a lot of saying ‘hey’ and getting a proper reply hours later because of the time zone, he made sure to send you updates and sometimes little snippets of the work he was doing.

You were proud of him. Extremely proud. You were happy that Connor got to live his dreams, get the exposure he was getting while working for Shawn and visiting beautiful places that he would never expect to go to.

But when the Asian leg of the tour kicked in, it became harder for the both of you catch up via Facetime and texts became less frequent. When it was morning for you, Connor was already fast asleep and vice versa.

And you didn’t mind it. You couldn’t keep depending on your best friend who was on the other end of the world. It was just a few months left until he would be back with you, Mike and Sam at UCLA and that was the one thing you would look forward to.

xxx

Connor was in the middle of editing a video backstage, a few hours before the concert started. The past few days has been rough on him and his sleeping schedule was screwed up.

He admits; the past few months have been such an opportunity for him but with a job this big meant the risk that comes along with it was big as well. He needed to follow certain schedules by Andrew, get things done on time, go around backstage filming for their ‘behind the scenes’, adjust his body clock to totally different time zones.  

He was really looking forward to head back to LA and spending time with his family, his friends, and especially you. Connor hasn’t spoken to you in over 2 weeks and he felt guilty that he keeps forgetting to send you a text before he’s piled with his work.

Connor shuts his laptop after saving his work and picked up his phone. Checking the world clock to confirm that he wouldn’t be bothering you when he called, he then switched to Facetime.

When you didn’t answer his call, he wanted to send you a text instead just to let you know that he hasn’t been dead for the past 2 weeks. As he opened your chat, he noticed the ‘last seen’ under your name was 3 days ago. Connor became anxious. You weren’t really the type of person to not check your chats daily.

“Hello?”

“Mike?” Connor sighed in relief when his best friend answered “Hey man, how are you?”

“Same old same old, Brash” He chuckled “Why are you calling me? Aren’t you usually working right now?”

“I was but then I realized I haven’t spoken to y/n in a while and I felt bad” Connor admitted “I called her but she didn’t answer and her Whatsapp said she’s been MIA for 3 days. Have you seen her recently?”

When Mike remained silent, Connor grew more and more nervous. He knew there was something that he didn’t know.

“Mike?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Connor asked; feeling an uneasy feeling in his stomach “Mike, did something happen? Is she okay?”

“Nothing happened to her, Con” Mike reassured; already feeling that his friend was on the edge of freaking out even more “Con, her grandma passed away a few days ago”

And that, made Connor feel like the worst best friend in the whole world.

“I thought she told you, man…” Mike said with guilt “She headed back home last week because her mom said her grandma was in a critical condition and she wanted to be there for her in case anything happened”

“And you haven’t heard from her since?” Connor asked.

“She told Laila that she wasn’t going to classes for a couple of weeks” He answered “None of us has heard anything from her”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Connor frowned “I’ve been here, totally oblivious to how she is doing when I should be there with her. I should be comforting her the way she was there for me when I was at my lowest”

“Con, you know this isn’t your fault” Mike insisted “Look, she understands that your job is pretty big right now and if she dropped the news on you, you’re going to want to come home when she knows you can get in trouble for it”

“I can’t sit here, Mike” He shook his head “You know damn well that I can’t continue with my job knowing that she needs me more than ever right now”

“I gotta go… I have to sort things out with my boss”

“Connor,” Mike sighed before Connor could hang up “Just… Don’t get in too much trouble, okay?”

“I don’t know, Mike” He muttered in return “But I guess I’d have to take the risk”

xxx

“No”

“What do you mean no?” Connor gawked. Shawn, who sat next to Andrew, shifted uncomfortably because he knew this was going to end bad.

Andrew sighs as he looks away from his laptop “Connor, look buddy, I get that it’s a difficult thing for you to not be there for her… But I cannot allow you to fly home when we need you around”

“Andrew, we have enough footages!” He reasoned back “Please, man. I just need to go home for a couple of days to make sure she’s fine”

“You signed a contract” Andrew said sternly “That said you would be working unless something happens to an immediate family. Since it’s not you grandma, I can’t let you leave”

“Andrew-,”

“No buts” He cut Connor off “I don’t want to hear it, Connor. A deal is a deal. We made an agreement that you signed to not go against. I can’t do anything about it”

Without another word, Andrew got up from his chair and left the room, leaving Connor angrier than ever.

“Connor” Shawn snapped him out of his thoughts “Go,”

“What?” Connor asked confusingly, looking over at his friend.

“I’ll handle Andrew” He assured “Go home. Take the week off and meet us in Australia, okay?”

“He’s going to be pissed” Connor stated.

“He’s being unreasonable” Shawn shrugged “Listen, I’ve heard you go on and on about this girl of yours so she must be really special. If she needs you, go be there for her”

“Thank you, man” He sighed in relief “Just… Thank you for letting me do this”

xxx

It was a day of long flights for Connor and his body was drained. He sent you a few texts last night but as predicted, the grey ticks didn’t turn to blue ticks.

With his little luggage, he dragged it behind him up to your driveway where 2 cars were parked, which meant you and your mom were home.

It took a few seconds after he rang the doorbell to hear footsteps approaching. When the door opens and your mom saw Connor standing before her, she was taken aback.

“Connor,” She said in a surprised tone.

“Hi Mrs. y/l/n” He greeted politely “Can I come in?”

“Yeah honey, of course” She answered and moved aside. Once they were in, she asked “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming back until December?”

“I was” Connor nodded “But I also heard what happened”

Your mom could only nod understandingly “She told you?”

“Actually, no” Connor frowned “Found out from Mike but I’m really sorry for your loss. How have you been holding up?”

“I’m alright, honey, thank you” She smiled softly “It’s been a difficult time for us but we know she’s in a better place now”

“I’m more worried for y/n right now” Your mom continued. Connor could see the bags under her eyes and how strained she sounded “It took a toll on us but she’s taking a longer time to process it all”

“Do you mind if I see her?”

“Not at all, Connor” She replied “I know she’s always saying she doesn’t need to depend on anyone but we both know she relies on you a lot and right now, she needs you more than ever”

“I rely on her just as much” Connor chuckled softly “It’s the least I can do for her as well”

xxx

Connor knocks thrice on the door and waited for a response. He waited for another minute before knocking again but still didn’t get an answer. When he found the door was unlocked, he pushed it open; only to be met with a dark room.

Your bed was messy, curtains drawn and the only light entering the room was from the street lights outside. He watched you at your balcony; back facing him with your headphones on, which explained why you didn’t respond.

He slowly walked over to the balcony and stepped out of the room. He didn’t know how he could get your attention without scaring you too much so he rested his hand on your head.

You were startled when you felt something on your head and your heart starting beating faster. You slowly looked up and saw Connor instead, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Con?” You asked with wide eyes as you proceed to take off your headphones “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” He greeted softly and slide down on the floor next to you “What? No hug?” He asked in a teasing voice.

You rolled your eyes playfully but leaned forward to give him a hug. Connor wraps his arms around you protectively and let you bury your head in the crook of his neck “Mike told me what happened” He said softly “I’m so sorry, sweets”

He hears your shaky breath and felt the tears on his neck. He rubs your back comfortingly, running his hand in an up and down motion “Hey,” He cooed “Let it all out, sweets”

“I just miss her, Con” You sniffled “I miss her so much”

“I know, baby” Connor pressed a kiss to your head “And I’m so sorry she’s not here anymore but she is always going to be looking out for you; no matter what”

There was nothing else he could do except let you cry it out while he holds you.

Out of everyone he knows, you were one of the strongest people he has met. To see you in a fragile state like this broke him. He wished nothing more to take your pain away. He’d take the pain for you if he could.

“You didn’t have to come back home just for me, Con” A few minutes later, you spoke softly.

He pushed you away a little so he could look at you and wiped away your tears “Of course I had to” Connor insisted “You’re my best friend and I would never hesitate for you, ever”

“Did you get in trouble with your work for it?” You frowned.

When he avoided your gaze, you sighed “Connor…”

“Look, don’t worry about it, okay?” Connor insisted “I’ll work through it when the time comes. The important thing is that I need to make sure that you’re okay”

You leaned your head against his shoulder “Thank you” You said softly “For being here with me”

Connor intertwines your finger and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of your hand “You’ve been there for me through my lows. Let me take care of you now”

xxx

It’s a few days later and Connor was dreading to leave you once again.

“Connor, I’m going to be fine” You reassured him as you both stood near the gates at the airport “Go, dofus” You chuckled softly “You’ll miss your flight”

“That’s a good thing, right?” He asked “I can tell Shawn I missed it and I’ll just have to stay”

“Connor,” You gave him a pointed look “You can’t avoid work forever. Go. I’ll be fine”

“100%?” He asked, biting his lower lips in hesitance.

“110%” You smiled “Now give me a hug and get your ass out of here”

“Bossy”

“Thank you for checking up on me” You muttered against his shoulder “I’ll see you in a month, right?”

“A month” He nods, wrapping his arms around you “Promise me you’ll eat and sleep regularly?”

“Yes, mother” You rolled your eyes playfully and pulled away “Call me when you land”

Connor waves to you one last time before he headed towards the gate. Every step he takes, the more he felt reluctant to leave you. He spun around and saw you in the same spot; watching him.

Connor sighs. Guess it’s now or never.

He rushes towards you, noticing your expression changed to confused.

“Did you forget something?” You asked once he was near to you.

“Can I just do something now that I may or may not regret?” Connor asked nervously.

You raised an eyebrow “That depends. Wait, what are you-,” Connor interrupts you by bringing his hands up to face, and pressing his lips against yours.

It felt like a split second to you. Saying goodbye to Connor, watching him run back to you, him kissing you, you kissing him back.

It felt like there was no one else around you and the world stopped working.

Connor takes a deep breath after he pulls away moments later and rests his forehead against yours with his eyes closed.

“Uhh… Well…That was…”

“If you say awkward, I’m going forget this ever happened and move to Japan” Connor threatened.

You let out a chuckle and shook your head. Your arms wrapped around his neck; fingers playing with the ends of his hair “Unexpected, that’s all” You answered.

“Felt like if I left you again without kissing you… I’ll never really tell you how I feel about us”

“Wow, hey there, Brashier. Don’t get ahead of yourself” You joked “You haven’t even taken me out on a date so there really isn’t an ‘us’ right now”

Connor rolls his eyes playfully “I’ll take you on all the dates when I get back”

“Deal… But for now, I’ll see you in month, okay?”

“It’s going to be the longest month ever”

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Please reblog or leave a comment! ❤️

x rina

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[myvelouri]

What I wanna know is why did you torture me that day I needed you so much? That day I really needed you to be my girlfriend. It doesn't happen much, but when I need some support I had hoped my girl would be there for me.

The day I'm talking about is when our work again ganged up on me and shoved me in the meeting office and tore me up and wrote me up for bullshit. It was so degrading and there's a whole HR case built around it all. You knew I had going through this with and you had my back sort of. They have been harassing me and just, it's been unfair and horrible. Especially since I'm a good worker and I do a lot.

Anyway, that very day I told you they called me to the office and railed my ass again and I was extremely upset. I texted you about it. I came over after, and you had this lil box of treats for me. It was cute. I was like, yes! That's the kind of shit I like lol. But... But it wasn't completely real. This night ended horribly... BECAUSE of you. You hurt me more than the managers at work did

So I let you hear the recordings of the managers treating me like shit. You were on my side. It was a lot, you saw my anxiety flair up and everything. Suddenly your phone was blowing the fuck up. It already was, but now it was insane. Suddenly you said it was your best friend R. I tried to look but you hid the phone immediately. Then you said "I have to talk to her... But privately" and I said huh? Why? Show me the screen, like, what did she say, what's wrong. And you wouldn't let me see it. I kept asking and you walked away, and you said you'd send me a screenshot... I said wtf why send a screenshot, just flash me your screen real quick, it's that easy... But you wouldn't... And during this era I was already aware somethin was going on behind my back. So, my anxiety flared the fuck up so so bad. I even told you, babe....you're making my anxiety really fucking bad. And you walked out the door and I said BABE just show me the screen, and you made that face like, it implied how I'M the one who's being gross by not being trusting and by being invasive. But I wasn't. That face you made was a way to manipulate me into making me feel bad or guilty for asking to see your phone, to make me feel ashamed so that I'd not ask anymore. But in reality you were fucking cheating and R wasn't actually R, it was your dumbfuck ex and you changed his name to your girl best friend "R." (I'm not using real names here). And I fucking knew it. But at the time you still hadn't admitted to it. You admitted to this way way way later when I had to persuade you so hardcore. Like, you WERE literally going to go on the rest of our lives without ever telling me. That's scary. That's fucked up. But anyway

That night, you took forever on the phone and then you sent me a screenshot, but you had blotted everything out except for two messages from R. I said this doesn't show shit!

And then I asked you what really was goin on. I even said that that's not R, who is it really

You came back to the room and you had said "oh it was just R, she's out drinking and she's just drunk and being a dumbass, but her brother is there too and I talked to him too and he said he's taking care of her"

I feel like that entire lie was just so that you thought that if I maybe heard you talking to your ex, you knew I'd hear a male voice, but you tried to plant "oh it's R's brother" to try and trick me further. That's so fucking evil bro.

And this whole time, this night was really meant for me, cause I really really needed you. Cause I was seriously hurting from work. And us as well. Cause I knew shit was wrong.

And then I honestly asked you what happened with R. You said you can't tell me and that R wouldn't want you telling anyone about her personal shit. I said no way dude, you were gone a while and you did that whole gesture, you called her in private? Shady. Then you wouldn't show me the screen? Shady. Then you blotted out the screenshot of the texts? Shady. And now you don't want to tell me about ANY of it? SHADY. I already let go of that other time you did this. Which I knew was a lie. You used your grandma's sister's illness as a cover for cheating. Fuck, you FAKE cried and accused me of not being considerate that you don't want to talk about your day with Grandma who was supposedly so sad because of the sickness, and like, yeah, your story was all over the place and I kept asking and I just know you were with him that whole day. Fuck you dude. Idk what's worse. The actual cheating, or lying about it and manipulating me and not having even the slightest ounce of guilt while doing it. The capability you have rather. Holy fucking shit.

But back to this night. How the fuck? So I asked what happened about R. And I kept asking cause my anxiety was high now. Shaking. I was shaking. And you then finally said "okay... So R's dad almost died and so she was texting me saying morbid stuff like 'ha my dad's dead'" and shit like that. I said well... Why wouldn't you tell me that? It's not that bad, she's drunk and upset... We've told each other much deeper things...

I asked her, well, okay, then the texts you just blotted out. If what you're saying is true then why won't you just show me the texts right now? Just show me it, the unedited one... Show me.

You fucking wouldn't show me. And so I hot more anxiety. Cause you were lying. And I knew it. I asked you over and over. And you started crying a bit but saying "I DONT WANT to talk about it!" And you said talking about things makes them real and you don't want to feel. I said I'm your boyfriend and you can't keep hiding R. Cause you'd been hiding everything between you two for the past month+. And I've become fed up with it. I can't do that. I don't fuck with secrets. And so you really put up an act. Started crying. Then after so much, you finally said "ok ok... It's just that me... And... Me and R... Well... We're..." And you sat on my lap as you are crying. I just want the truth. You said finally "me and R aren't going to be friends anymore" and you went into other stories about how y'all were bestfriends and at the other bestfriends wedding you all said you'd be BFF for life and meant it.

At that point I said... Okay. Alright. Well, then can you just show me the texts she sent? Not all of them, just the literal one you edited, just that, there's like 5 tiny messages there. It's not much. I don't want to scroll through, shit just send me the unedited screenshot.

You STILL WOULDN'T

So my anxiety was sky high. I was already shaking uncontrollably when you had left the room to call "R" and you didn't give a shit. You let me suffer with anxiety. I already HAD anxiety from the abuse at work.

So you still wouldn't let me see the messages. At that point I said okay wtf is really the truth, cause you're just telling me things that are unrelated to what is happening in this moment, to what those texts are actually about and it's dead obvious

So then we're in the bed and you say you don't want to talk about it. You say you don't want to tell me. I ask and ask. Finally you say "R says I'm dating an old man, and that I like old dick" and I was shocked to hear that. I had already said I'm prepared to hear whatever it was so I held back my hurt. I said "okay. So R doesn't like me... So is that what the texts said? Is that what she said to you? But that makes no sense, why would she just text you that and you call her and it be such a big thing? This doesn't make sense... So now that you already told me what she said, can I see the actual texts now? I mean why not, you already told me what it said so just show me" and you said no. You wouldn't show me. And I said I don't trust you at all. And you went into your phone and deleted the whole thread between you and R... Which was suspicious. Well, you actually laid there and deleted individual texts one by one and then showed me. I said what the fuck? It doesn't count as you showing me when YOU DELETE SHIT. wow

And I was already shaking. Well it turned out much later in the future, R had indeed said they about me but she said it in a joking way. Yet you used that on me as if to say she was being cruel. You actually used hardcore attacks against me in order to hide the text messages and the actual truth. And what was the truth? That R wasn't R, and that it was in fact your ex. And yeah, I figured that the text was "baby" and it went on.

You actually prolonged it so much

And you continued to see him after. And you cheated even more. Then kept going to him after making shit physical.

I just want to know why you tried to hurt me when I needed you... Why did you keep lying in a row like that... And then you kept seeing him for months after even after seeing that I caught on and even after you saw how much pain you put me through, like, it was physical, you could SEE my pain, I was shaking. You never once thought of me when you were out with him getting drunk, kissing me, letting him call you baby, who knows what else

I hate you so much for just that.

There was so many incidents

Why did you keep lying? Why did you keep breaking the trust when you SAW I was catching on and already caught on

Why did you try to play me when you couldn't get away with it

But besides that... Why did you try to play me when I was your hubbu... I thought you wanted to take care of me babe... I thought I was yours and my heart was in your hands... I trusted you... Why did you do it?? I cry still

[eternaljouska]

Redamancy, Chapter 10 - Lee Jihoon

Pairing: Husband!JihoonxReader

Genre: Angst, the tiniest amount of Fluff

Chapter: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | END | epilogue |

Word Count: 4.4 K

Recommended Song: SHAUN - Way Back Home (feat. Conor Maynard) [Sam Feldt Edit]

A/N: I hope this is a satisfactory conclusion to the series. Well, not really, since there’s still the epilogue, but I don’t want to raise expectations, so… Sorry if this is somehow disappointing.

–

Call Soon Hyung. You’re welcome.

That is the content of Seungkwan’s latest message for Jihoon. There were four missed calls and three messages preceding it, but Jihoon didn’t know any of these until he’s about to leave his car.          

Hyung, you guys still asleep? I’m outside.

Nobody’s home? Answer my call, hyung.

You in the studio? I’m going there right now.

Jihoon has no ideas as to why Seungkwan was searching adamantly for him like that, and he also doesn’t understand why he needs to call Soonyoung. He was about to do exactly as Seungkwan instructed, but you knock on his window, interrupting him before he can press the call button. “Ji? Let’s go.”

“Oh, okay. Wait a sec.” As he releases his seatbelt, Jihoon quickly types a short message for Soonyoung with one hand, asking what’s going on with Seungkwan.

“What is it?” you ask once Jihoon’s out from the car.

“Uh?”

“Are you needed in the company?”

“No. No. Just… Seungkwan. He visited when we’re on our way here and then he told me to call Soonyoung. I was just sending a short text for him.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s go then.” You grab Jihoon’s hand and lead the way to the elevator. Both of you are currently in Jihoon’s old apartment building. After having the conversation about your children, Jihoon suggested that you two take turns showering right away so that you can catch a quick brunch at a random restaurant you passed along the way before you pick your children up.

It was indeed a quick brunch. There’s not much in your conversation, but it left both of you in such a pleasant mood. Even now in the elevator, Jihoon’s hand is still snug in yours, drawing a permanent smile on his lips. The ding of the elevator breaks into Jihoon’s thought. He silently curses at the intrusion because the moment the elevator opens, you hurried out to search for Jihoon’s door, forgetting the poor man behind with his unattended hand.

When Jihoon arrives at your side, there’s already a click in the door, a sign that it’s only a matter of seconds before you both meet your sons again. The moment that Jihoon’s mom opens the door for the both of you, Jaemin shouts from behind her and jumps to your side, followed by Jimin, who’s running with all his might and only stopping once he’s able to hug your feet.

“Mommy! Daddy! Are we going home? Are we going home?” Jimin bubbles, jumping up and down with his hands raised above his head as to ask you to lift him up.

You kneel down instead, that way you can look at the two boys from the same level. “Let’s go inside first, okay?”

As soon as Jihoon gets to the living room, his phone rings with Soonyoung’s name displayed on the bright screen. “Excuse me, it’s Soonyoung,” he says to you who’s being dragged by Jaemin and Jimin to their room and his mom who’s following them.

“Hey, Jihoon. Where are you? We need to meet.”

“Hey, uh, I’m picking up the kids. Just arrived. What’s it about? Is this something serious?” Jihoon walks away from the living room to the kitchen, settling himself on one of the chairs near the counter.

First, your car. And second, I got your rings, well, Y/n’s.”

“The rings that she threw away last night?”

“She threw them away?”

“That’s… not the point. Ugh, God,” Jihoon grunts, placing one hand on the counter and resting his head on top of it.

“Jihoon? What happens?”

Jihoon turn his head a little to peek at the children room for you before he answers in something closer to a whisper, “What am I supposed to do with them?”

“What? Give them back to Y/n, of course. What else?”

“Yeah, hey, Y/n, here are the rings that you threw away last night because I suck as a husband. You still want them, right? No? Oh, great. It’s okay. I’m okay. Take—“

Soonyoung chuckles at Jihoon’s constant rambling. Despite the younger man’s effort to play down the situation, he knows that the anxiety is real. “It’s okay, Jihoon. You’ve been forgiven already, right?”

“Not really. Still on my way there. That’s why I can’t just come to her and give the rings. I don’t want to remind her of her meltdown last night—or more like the reason of her meltdown last night.”

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung starts as he exhales, “It’s okay.”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay then, would you prefer I give the rings directly to her? Or maybe put the rings on her finger myself?”

“Ya! Kwon Soonyoung!” Jihoon exclaims rather loudly that he snaps his head around to see whether it’s caught anyone’s attention. “Don’t you dare,” he stresses every syllable of his words, but the other man only laughs, clearly delighted at how easily he can rile Jihoon.

“Just kidding. You can do something like a re-proposal, I don’t know. I mean- God, I’m brilliant! Yes! Do that! Redo the proposal in that fancy restaurant. Maybe it can trigger her memory. I can gather the boys real quick. Wait- No! Crap! Seungkwan has a schedule today, I don’t know about tomorrow, but—“

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon interrupts, “I… I don’t want to go that strong. I just want to take it slow and not overwhelm her. Also, if I redo the proposal—God damn it, that’s gonna be our third proposal—what about the wedding? I… I want something simple, with only the both of us, or… I don’t know…”

“Hmm… I’ll think of something. Let’s meet tomorrow, okay? And don’t let her know about it. I got to go. Bye!”

The call ends even before Jihoon has the chance to express anything, not his sorry nor his gratitude.

“Jihoon,” his mom calls and motions for him to go sit with her on the couch. “I’m sorry, but I heard a little bit of your conversation on the phone. Would you tell me what happened between you and Y/n?” Once Jihoon reaches the living room, Mrs. Lee places his hand on his shoulder as to guide him down to the couch.

Jihoon gives the children room another quick look to make sure that you’re still too occupied to hear him. His mom who notices this speaks up once again, “She’s still packing their clothes.”

“She… had flashbacks about our fight, the day before my enlistment, and the wedding. And, um, I think everything confused her, and I wasn’t there to sort things out for her. I guess she felt lonely. No, she must have felt a lot of things. Hurt, betrayal. She went through everything alone and last night- I guess last night was her breaking point. She let everything out and even threw our engagement and wedding rings. But- But we talked. In the morning. She hasn’t exactly forgiven me, but at least she gave me a chance.”

The hand that was on Jihoon’s shoulder moves downward and rests on his thigh, patting it empathetically and encouragingly. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay. As long as you stay by her side.”

“Yes, Mom, but I don’t know what to do about the rings. Soonyoung has—Oh! When are you planning to go back to Busan?” Jihoon widens his eyes and swiftly changes the conversation when you walk out of the room with two bags on your hands and two boys on your tail.

Mrs. Lee catches on her son’s intention and follows along, “Oh, I don’t know well. You two came here in short notice, so I haven’t planned anything.”

“You can go stay with us for as long as you want,” you chime in as you place the two bags down. Jihoon grunts inwardly at this, not because of the suggestion you made but because of the action you just did—or more like he didn’t do. He should’ve helped you with the bags, but that thought didn’t even cross his mind as he’s distracted, trying to hide his previous conversation.

“That would be great, but I can only stay for so long, dear.”

“Ah, okay, then. Do you want me to help you pack now?”

“No, don’t bother. I can do it myself.”

“Alright. I’ll just prepare dinner instead. And you two stay here, okay? You play with them, alright?” you say, turning from Jihoon’s mom to the children and lastly to Jihoon before disappearing to the kitchen.

           Dinner comes and goes and so does the fifteen-minute drive to your house. Jihoon helps his mom settle in the guest room while you do the same to the kids in theirs. Obviously, your task takes longer than his, for when he passes the slightly-opened door he can see the two boys still huddled on your side in one bed. You have a book on your hands, but Jihoon can’t figure out what the title is from where he’s standing. He takes careful steps inside and squeezes himself next to Jaemin on your left, leaving the boy in a giggle fit.

“Daddy! The bed won’t fit us all!” Jimin argues from his position next to the wall.

You laugh because instead of moving to the other bed—Jaemin’s—Jihoon only squeezes them further, earning him another protest from Jimin who’s now pressed to the wall. “Dad!”

“Okay, okay”—Jihoon stands and raises his arms up in resignation—“You just don’t love Daddy anymore. It’s okay,” he says as he fakes crying, clutching his chest and throwing himself on Jaemin’s bed.

“Daddy!” Jaemin squeals, jumping from Jimin’s bed to the floor and then to his own bed. He climbs on Jihoon’s body and shakes his shoulder when he doesn’t give an immediate response.

“What? Just go to your Mommy and leaves Daddy alone.”

Jihoon’s words fluster his oldest son that he turns to his brother for help. “Jimin! Come here! This is your doing.”

“Ugh, Daddy! Get up!” he orders petulantly as he crawls around you and makes the same little jumps as his brother did before. “Get up. Don’t be like a little boy.”

Jihoon turns around and catches Jaemin as he falls down from his body, not bothering to keep his act anymore. “What? Who calls Daddy a little boy?”

The two boys laugh and look at each other before they chorus, “Grandma!”

“Grandma said you cried and didn’t eat or shower like a little kid when Mommy’s in the hospital,” Jaemin explains.

You raise your head at this, trying to meet Jihoon’s gaze. They do meet for a split second before Jihoon tackles down the two boys and attacks them with tickles. The laughter of the three of them is overpowering the still hours but do not tamper with the comfort that it provides this particular night. A fond smile paints your lips. Looking at Jihoon like this, you understand how you’d agree to bear any and every heartbreak as long as you could stay a little longer by his side.

When their laughter dies down and the boys curl up in Jihoon’s arm, you rise to bid them goodnight. You lean forward to kiss their forehead, but Jimin stops you. “One more story, please? Let Daddy read.”

You look at Jihoon, and he extends his hand to take the book from you. When he has sat down and had the book on his hand, he clicks his tongue, “Why do you guys still read stories with the Big Bad Wolf in them when it scares you?”

“Jimin does, I don’t!”  

“No, I don’t!”

“Alright, alright, we can replace them with new books tomorrow. The Big Bad Wolf is no more! How’s that sound? Great?”

“Great!” they answer in unison.

After each of you kisses the kids’ foreheads goodnight at the end of the bedtime story, you go directly to your room to take a shower while Jihoon stays in the living room to make a call. The first try rings for a long time before going to voicemail, but the second time’s connected after only the first ring.

“Hey, I’m sorry. We were at practice,” Soonyoung says, referring to the new group he choreographs for.

“No problem. Have you thought of something yet?”

“Actually, I do. Let’s talk about this over breakfast tomorrow. I need to get right back to the practice. Is it okay?”

“Sure. The usual place at eight?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, thank you.”

The next morning, you wake up to the sound of alarm you don’t remember setting and find the bed empty.  You’re slightly disappointed to find that Jihoon has left, but then you heard a clanking sound—from where you assume as the kitchen—and suddenly you get more than a little excited. When you get to the kitchen, the first thing you see is a pancake served on the dining table and a piece of yellow paper next to the plate. Just as you pick the letter up, a voice makes you jump in a start.

“I told him I can just tell you about it, but he insisted on writing a note for you instead.”

“Ah, Mom, good morning.”

Mrs. Lee nods in acknowledgment and smiles because you didn’t call her ‘Mrs. Lee’ again like you did in the middle of your ride home last night. “I’m going to freshen up a little bit while you enjoy your breakfast. Jihoon made that, so it might be cold now. And, um, sorry for the noise earlier. I was trying to place the water pot in the cabinet, but it fell down.”

“No worries. You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Okay, then. I’ll leave you to it,” Mrs. Lee says as he passes you and nods towards the letter.

It says that Jihoon is out with the two boys to buy books because they’re too eager to wait a little longer. While this is actually true, Jihoon with the boys don’t go directly to the bookstore, instead they have breakfast with Soonyoung first. The children are busy with their pancakes, having craving to eat one after Jihoon denied their request at home and made only one mix for you, while Jihoon is talking with Soonyoung in a hushed voice despite the pretty slow restaurant.

“Redo-proposal, at the Hill,” Soonyoung smirks, the pride from his idea flowing out with his words as he shoves a wooden ring box to Jihoon.

The younger man opens the unfamiliar box to find the two rings that seem to have been gone from your finger for too long. “But,” Jihoon starts, “She hasn’t said anything about the rings. What if- What if she doesn’t want them. At least, not yet. I told you we’re taking this really slowly.”

Soonyoung answers him with a sigh. “Wasn’t this the kind of attitude that distanced you from her after the accident?”

“I- I know, but—“

“No buts. Just ask her to meet you at the Hill to search for the rings together. That will make kneeling down such a reasonable thing to do. And then the rest is up to you. Tell her about your feeling and everything else you have to say. This is your chance, Jihoon.”

Jihoon considers Soonyoung’s words for a few moments while playing with his own wedding band. It is hurt to feel or see your bare finger whenever he does. “Alright, this is my chance,” he repeats in resolution.

“Daddy?” asks Jimin.

“Uh, what’s up, buddy?”

“When will we buy new books? We’re done eating.”

It’s true. The two boys’ plates are now empty; they have eaten all their food diligently. But this, in addition to Jimin’s words earlier, only reminds him of his original plan with the boys. “Wait a little more, okay? We’ll go right after this. I need to take them to the bookstore,” he says, turning to Soonyoung at the end of his sentence. “And, uh, I use Y/n’s car. There’s no way I’m gonna ask her to take a cab to meet me at the Hill.”

“Well, you can send the boys home after your shopping and pick her up and drive together to the Hill. I suggested you meet her there only because I think you’d need the time to prepare and rehearse on the location. It doesn’t have to be today. I can take your car back and you can both go with a separate car—wait, do you even comfortable letting her drive herself?”

“No, not really. And I think I can’t do this any other day. I- I might not have the courage.”

“Okay, then. Call her to get ready, or not. I’ll be the chauffeur—or rather, the head of your army—who is ready to send your queen your way, Your Majesty.”

“Shut up. You? The head of my army? Can’t Seungkwan do it instead?” Jihoon quips, half serious and half joking.

“What is this betrayal? Jihoon, I thought you trust me. Seungkwan’s not available, okay? That dude’s busy, that’s why he gave me the rings.”

Jihoon brushes Soonyoung’s comments off. “Alright, alright, whatever. Imma need to go.”

“Alright, good luck, mate.”

“Hm,” he acknowledges as he puts some money on the table and stands, gesturing the kids to do the same and greet Soonyoung goodbye. “Soonyoung. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Aye, Seungkwan found the rings. I only bought the box. He said he lost your ring once. The least he can do is find those ones and bring them back to you.”

Jihoon lets out a low chuckle, his heart warming at the thought of everything his members have done for him. “I’ll thank him later. But seriously, thank you. And, um, I’m sorry.”

Now it’s Soonyoung’s turn to chuckle, “No problem. I know the reason you get jealous easily when I’m with Y/n is that you love me. Too much, if I might add.”

“Seriously?” Jihoon deadpans, but turns to his kids as Jimin tugs at the hem of his shirt. “I got to go. Thank you again. I’ll text you once I’m at the Hill.”

The said message arrives about an hour after their meeting. It is a very succinct message with only one word, proceed. Soonyoung doesn’t have any particular plan on bringing you to the Hill, which is why he can only grin when you open the door with a faint frown on your forehead, clearly surprised to have him as an uninvited guest.

“Soonie? Jihoon’s not home. He—“

“I know. He texted me.” And then another brilliant idea pops into Soonyoung’s head. “He said he’s searching for your rings at the Hill.”

“What? No- no, he’s taking the kids to the bookstore. That’s what he told me.”

“Oh, crap! I’m sorry. Oh, God. He’s going to kill me.” Soonyoung pretends to be panicked and even go as far as turning around to walk back to Jihoon’s car. It takes you exactly two steps to finally take his bait.

“Wait! Don’t you dare move from that spot. I’ll just tell Mom that I need to go meet Jihoon, and then you need to take me to the Hill.”

“But, Y/n, I was just gonna drop his car. I have practice in half an hour.”

“Soonyoung, please? Just… Take me there, and you can go. Drop the car later or tomorrow.” The frown on your forehead deepens, but Soonyoung takes his time to consider his answer.

“Well, okay, I guess I can do that.”

“Mom! I’m going to go meet Jihoon! Soonyoung will drive me!” Apparently, you have a little doubt towards Soonyoung that instead of telling Mrs. Lee directly like you initially intended, you only duck your head inside and shout for her, to which she replies with another shout of okay, take care.

You close the door to your house and skip all the way to where Soonyoung parked the car. Once the car gears to life, though, your cheerful front has dropped altogether.

“Hey, Y/n, what’s wrong?” asks Soonyoung a few minutes into the ride.

“Why would he want to search for them alone?”

“Uh, I- I don’t kno—“

“I was the one who threw them out of spite.”

“Do you regret it, though?”

“Hm?” You turn your head towards Soonyoung at his question, and he meets your gaze through the rear-view mirror. “I… I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t have a solid thought about everything because I can’t remember, you know. But I know that what I did was cruel. Just throwing them out like that.”

“Well, maybe Jihoon knows that you’re confused. Maybe he doesn’t want to force them on you. I mean, would you wear the rings from an engagement or wedding you don’t remember being a part of?”

“Don’t say something like that,” you say sternly.

“Why? Would you, though?”

The answer is obvious. But when Soonyoung puts it like this, you can’t help but go over your thoughts and feelings once again. Your words come out as a mumble when you finally speak, “I don’t remember most of everything. But that sounds like an excuse the more I think or tell someone about it. I love him. That I know, so of course… Of course, I would wear them.”

Shooting you one last look, Soonyoung replies with a smirk, “All is good, then. We’re here.” He pulls to a stop near the walkway to the Hill. You look up from your lap and realize that you’ve indeed arrived at the location; the car that Jihoon drives—yours—is parked right in front of you. It turns out that alternating between the conversation you have with Soonyoung and the one in your head costs a long enough time. “Do you want me to walk you up?”

“No, no, it’s okay. Thank you very much.”

“Y/n,” Soonyoung says right before you close the car door on him. “Don’t be too hard on yourself—and him.”

You nod, “Thank you, really.”

And with that, Soonyoung reverses back and drives away from you.

The first thing that catches your attention is your two boys leaning on the Big Tree facing the walkway: Jaemin is muttering the words of the book on his hand and Jimin is iterating the act of stacking the rest of the new books and knocking them over. You quicken your pace with worry because Jihoon is nowhere to be seen.

The two boys stop what they’re doing and raise their head when your shadow falls in front of them. “Mommy!”

And as if on cue, Jihoon appears from the opposite side of the tree, muttering your name groggily, “Y/n.”

“Jihoon! I thought you’re not with them. I was worried!” you scold him as you walk, still with the same fast pace, towards where he stands.

“I’m sorry. Um, Y/n,” he repeats and then gets on one knee when you arrive in front of him. Gathering his courage, Jihoon stares at the ground while taking a few deep breaths, the bottom of his lips is caught between his teeth. When his erratic heartbeat loses its ultimate control over his auditory sense, Jihoon realizes that you’ve been calling his name for a few times now. He lets out another long breath before he looks up and stares into your bewildered eyes. “Y/n, I… I know I have not been fulfilling the promises I made in the past. Even if there’s a time that I did, somehow I just stopped without really knowing why. I know that I cannot give you any more promises for fear that I would just disappoint you again. But you’re giving me another chance yet again, and I- I am so thankful for it. I’m so thankful for you. Because I love you, and I want you to believe that I mean it. And I can’t- I can’t let you go, Y/n.

“So here I am, kneeling down in front of you, for the third time, asking for your hand again. And I hope that you’d deign to accept me again”—Jihoon takes out the wooden ring box and opens it, presenting the ring for you—“Y/n, I don’t think I have the right question to ask today. But would you let me—“

“Yes,” you begin, fresh tears already forming in your eyes. “Yes, Jihoon. Whatever that sentence entails, yes.”

Jihoon bites on his lips again to prevent him from smiling too widely. He reaches for your hand to slowly slip the ring to your finger, starting from the engagement ring. But before he can put the wedding band on your ring finger, you stop him. “Wait. I, um, there’s a condition. Explain to me why you, um, dragged the kids into this.”

“Oh, that.” Jihoon scratches the back of his neck, a big grin immediately taking over his face. He takes a few steps back to peek around the Big Tree for the children. Both of them are now busy stacking the books into a tower. Nevertheless, roses still manage to bloom on Jihoon’s cheek, realizing that the kids have possibly been listening to his cheesy confession. “This is kind of unplanned. Ugh, God, I’m so stupid. I should’ve asked Soonyoung to play with them or whatever, but I don’t want to make it look like—“

“Jihoon, stand up.”

“Huh?”

“Just… stand up.” You take his arms to help him get to his feet, but he doesn’t budge.

Panic starts crawling from the tip of Jihoon’s fingertips to the beating of his heart. He reaches for your hands again and holds them tightly. “But Y/n“—Jihoon stops himself from continuing his words when you walk closer to him and fall to both of your knees in front of him—“Y/n, what are you doing?”

A gentle smile spreads on your lips as you move your ring finger up and down a few times, signaling him to continue his previous action. “Do it.”

“What?”

“The ring. Before I change my mind.”

“No! Wait, no! I’ll do it.” Jihoon takes the wedding band again and carefully slides it into your ring finger, a cheeky smile plastered on his face.

“Hey, Y/n,” Jihoon begins as both of you walk back to where the car’s parked, your sons walking ahead of you hand in hand.

“What is it?”

“Thank you.” He nudges at you with his elbow. “And just so you know, you kneeling down up there, it’s happened before.”

“Me? I- I was the one who proposed?”

Jihoon’s crisp chuckles ring throughout the quiet hill. “Hmm, no. Not exactly.”

“Then what happened?” you urge.

“Well, let’s go home first, shall we? Because that, that is a story for another time, isn’t it?”

–

Taglist: @thatfangurltho @chwenchew @la-hermosaluna @heolykpop​

[diary-iguess]

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

like

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

J:

[spare-aka-nanashi74-blog]

Banba, Lin, and the Carrot Conundrum (work in progress fanfic)

Note: The following is a fanfic is inspired by Chiaki Kisaki’s mini-story ‘Secret Ingredient’ for the New Days vegetable campaign. Kudos to @kimi_no_tsuki on Twitter for providing an English translation of the story!

As for my fic, it’ll probably be done by Monday or Tuesday this week (ETA: Sorry, I need to do a few more edits, so I’ll be posting the whole fic Wednesday tomorrow!). But here’s a sample (Fanfic complete! Read it below or at AO3):

An hour after the Calamitous Carrot Cake Banba Detective Office

Banba's just finished cleaning the rice cooker when his brown eyes light up. “Hey, hey,” he exclaims, light bulb practically appearing beside his head, “you know what, Lin-chan?”

Narrowing his own eyes at Banba, Lin warily replies, “What?”

The detective holds a forefinger up. “Carrots are like feelings.”

“... Huh?”

“If they're too much for ya to handle on your own,” Banba explains, looking well pleased with himself, “it's best to share them with other people.”

Lin folds his arms. “So we should give these carrots away; is that what you're saying?”

“Yep,” says the man. “I mean, let's face it: there ain't no way we're gonna cook 'em all up ourselves.”

“No thanks to you,” Lin sourly returns. What kind of weirdo adds spicy pollock roe to cake? Honestly. “Let's give the guys a call, then. At least most of them ought to know better than to add mentaiko to dessert.”

“Hey, it came out pretty good!” Banba insists. “Your taste just ain't refined enough to appreciate it.”

“No, it didn't.” Lin glares, stomping his foot. “And my taste's way more refined than yours.”

Damn Ban-baka.

So Lin and Banba contact the rest of the Tonkotsu Nine, telling them that they've got far too many carrots than they know what to do with, and to come to the detective agency if they want some. Please. And to give them more carrot-laden recipes while they're at it.

After all, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,' as the saying goes. But when life gives you carrots?

“Make carrot juice,” Enokida answers over the phone. “It only follows, doesn't it? Oh, and could Banba-san send me the recipe for his 'spicy' carrot cake? There's a contest for the craziest—er, the most avante garde—”

Lin ends the call before the Mushroom could finish.

“Other than just eating them raw? Carrot soup,” is what Dr. Saeki suggests, happily collecting a bagful of the orange root vegetables. “Carrots are excellent skin food, as everyone knows. You should thank that client for gifting you a whole box.”

“And on that note, thank you,” chimes in Yamato, having also come along to help himself to a bag. “I've been wanting to make yakisoba. Maybe I'll send you guys some if it turns out good.” A pause, and then the host adds, “Or edible.”

Saitoh drops by barely an hour later with a good-sized sack for himself and Old Man G. (“Pickle the darn things,” the old stall owner had asked Saitoh to tell them. “Slice them carrots into strips along with daikon; sprinkle with rice vinegar, salt, and sesame oil. Perfect side dish fer jus' about anything.”)

“And me?” Saitoh appears to think hard. “Well... vegetable gratin, I guess?” he replies. “My folks sent me a recipe I could try.”

“I'll be making carrot tempura,” Shigematsu informs them when he next comes around. “Tasty, goes well with beer, and pretty hard to mess up if you know what you're doing. You two should try it.”

“Maybe we will.” Banba nods in agreement, seeing the officer off. “Tempura goes well with mentaiko, too.”

Lin snorts. “Anything goes well with mentaiko to you.”

“Only 'cause it's true,” Banba rejoins amiably. “Like, did ya know there's mentaiko-flavored ice cream? We gotta have that some time, Lin-chan!”

Like hell. “Have it yourself.”

“You sure? Enokida-kun's texted the address of the shop that sells it. 'Seems we get a discount if we come as a cou—”

“No.” Lin is adamant.

“But—”

“No.”

That damn 'Shroom.

“Carne guisada—that's what we call 'meat stew' back home—is what I'm gonna cook,” says Martinez, hefting the sack of carrots he's come to pick up. “'Though I doubt it could compare to what my abuela used to make. In any case, I've written down the recipe at the back of Jiroh's. He and Misaki-chan send their regards.”

Sure enough, they find the cooking instructions for Martinez's grandma's special Carne Guisada at the back of the last page for Jiroh & Misaki Tanaka's Love-Filled Omelet Rice <3.

“... They both seem kind of hard to prepare,” Lin remarks, reading through each recipe. “The omurice seems to take a lot less time, though.”

“Omurice, eh?” Banba strokes his chin, his gaze turning wistful with nostalgia. “I reckon the last time I ate one was back in middle school.”

Oh. “Then it's decided.” Lin holds up the recipe for omelet rice. “Banba, let's try making this next.”

Luckily, they still have plenty of eggs, milk and flour left over from their recent 'rice cooker carrot cake' attempt, as well as cooked white rice from this morning.

“So, carrots aside, all that's left is—” Banba quickly consults the list. “Onions, bell peppers, the meat—oh, and ketchup, too.”

Back to the supermarket they go to buy the rest of the ingredients. This time around, to match their new aprons, Lin also gets them some oven mitts and head scarves. (“Such a cute couple,” one store assistant whispers to another. “I saw them earlier today, too. I think it's sweet, them wanting to cook together.”)

It's already late in the afternoon when Banba and Lin return to their apartment, purchases in tow. Donning their respective aprons, they immediately set about preparing the omurice.

“'Guess we need to chop the vegetables first,” Lin notes.

“Leave that to me,” Banba volunteers.

Lin purses his lips. “You better not try to sneak in spicy pollock roe this time.”

“Really now.” Banba (so-not-cutely) pouts. “Ya say that like it's a crime, Lin-chan.”

“It should be.”

“Welp, the omurice I used to have always had mentaiko in it, I'll have ya know.”

Why am I not surprised? “... I guess we could put some in, if you really want,” Lin concedes, handing Banba the chopping board. Unlike with the cake, combining mentaiko with egg and rice seems perfectly all right. “But not too much; I don't want it overpowering the taste of everything else.”

“Just a quarter-cup or so should be fine,” Banba replies, breaking out into a smile. “Aww, Lin-chan, so ya do—”

“Less talking, more chopping,” Lin cuts in.

“Yes, dear,” Banba intones teasingly, and reaches for an onion.

Lin himself starts to heat the pan to cook the bacon in, ignoring the heat suffusing his own cheeks. Damn Ban-baka.

The next half hour or so elapses quickly. While daunting at first, Lin soon finds that making the omelet rice is simple enough, if you think about it as divided into three main stages:

1. Make the fried rice (A). 2. Make the cream sauce (B). 3. Make the omelet and put (A) and (B) in it.

Lin fries the rice in a bit of oil with the meat, carrots, and other vegetables. (“Looks like we can eat this as is,” he comments once he's done.) Banba makes the sauce, straying a little from Jiroh's recipe by crumbling and mixing two heaping spoonfuls of spicy pollock roe instead of cheese into it. (“We'll be using the remainder to garnish the omelets with,” Banba tells him.) The omelets themselves end up being a joint effort, Banba pouring the egg mixture to coat the interior of the pan while Lin—once the bottom part of the omelet has solidifed enough, naturally—spreads a portion of fried rice and the mentaiko sauce over roughly half of it.

“Then ya go and fold the uncovered half of the omelet over the other, easy does it—” Banba states, demonstrating accordingly, “—and we're done. Well, for the most part. We still gotta plate it, pretty it up with mentaiko and ketchup and such, but that's one good-sized serving of omurice with creamy mentaiko sauce.”

Together they slide the omelet rice onto a plate.

“Smells good,” Lin declares. He watches Banba put a piece of mentaiko the size of a marshmallow over the omelet, then squeeze out some ketchup to draw a heart around it. The result is a bright yellow, half-moon-shaped omelet, fluffy and piping hot, with a reddish-pink mentaiko 'dot' and tomato ketchup heart decorating it.

Now it looks good, too.

“Looks mighty appetizin', don't it?” Banba says.

“... Kind of,” Lin stoically returns, trying not to drool at the enticing aroma of egg, fried rice, and spicy pollock roe.

After making a second omelet for Banba, the two settle themselves on the usual L-shaped couch to eat.

“Thank you for the meal.”

Lin takes his first bite of the omelet rice.

His eyes widen in surprise. The salty-spicy taste of mentaiko, perfectly counterbalanced by the cream; the fried rice, bursting with the richness of the meat and the tart, crisp yet tender vegetables; all of it creating a harmonious medley of flavors encased in a silky layer of egg, delicate and mildly sweet.

“It's delicious,” Lin utters, amazed.

“Told ya it would,” Banba rejoins. “After all, it's got the secret ingredient.”

“I know.” Lin sighs, smiling in spite of himself. “Mentaiko, right?”

“Nope.” Banba shakes his head. “That ain't really a secret this time, Lin-chan.”

Lin blinks at the man. “Then what is—?”

Banba's grin is bright as the sun. “Love, of course.”

And with that, Banba takes a bite of his own love-filled omelet rice with obvious gusto.

***

~ Extra ~ A Future Text Exchange, Or: Mentaiko. It's Always Mentaiko.

[ Banba ] Lin-chan, are you mentaiko?

[ Lin ] ...? I don't think I want to ask 'why'. ... You're still gonna tell me anyway, aren't you.

[ Banba ] Ya know me so well. ^o^ Btw, the answer is: 'Cause I can't ever get enough of you.~<3<3<3

[ Lin ] ... . . . ... You're so lame, Ban-baka. But... Thank you.

------------------------

~ The End ~

[failing-at-every-thing]

Meds update!: Me and my doc play a lot of email tag, so the time between my adderall running out and having a great new dosage filled was almost a week. I struggled to function on most days, I did not have any of the focus needed to use my planner or communicate well, and I was experiencing some withdrawal symptoms without my meds. I quit doing updates and didn’t reach out to talk to anyone since these things really made my depression take over hard. Sorry to all my friends/family I’ve ghosted on this week, I was not taking the sudden change back to my typical symptoms very well. Medication wise, I have only taken the new dosage on workdays so far, and with clear-cut tasks and structure, I really blossom on this dosage. Treatment hasn’t removed the wall in front of me, but it did give me a ladder and I am climbing it well! HOWEVER!!! Like I said, I did lose my footing this past week, and once I got my ladder back, I totally forgot to ACTUALLY CLIMB IT. I had my first dosage *ever* yesterday where I would be completely unsupervised/unscheduled for several hours immediately after taking ADHD meds. In my whole 25 years of life, I have NEVER been alone while they work their magic. I did not anticipate AT ALL what would happen when my brain is driving at 100mph, but there’s no road and no map. 🌻Story Time🌻 I made a loose schedule/list of tasks before Dan went to work. I only had the alarms on my phone and the list as my structure. This was my day. Expectation: When dan leaves at 3-4 ish after picking me up from work, remember to take meds. Reality: Dan goes in at 5, this has always been the case, I do not know why I would ever think otherwise. Lose track of time and take them at 5. Expectation: Make to do list after taking meds. Reality: This actually happened! Great start, but definitely not the best method for me in hindsight. Expectation: At 6pm, write a short email to a printing company about having some work checklists printed. Easy and short task to get momentum, high payoff. Reality: At 6pm, write the first draft of this email in ten-ish minutes. Be aware of my tendency to forget things, proofread it. Expectation: At 7pm, walk to the gas station for quarters to do laundry. And a snack. Reality: At 7pm, I realize the email is way too long, tedious, and rambling to subject any stranger to it. I can’t send it like this. Condense the info. When the alarm goes off to leave, I ignore it. Expectation: At 7:30, put laundry in. Reality: 7:30, I’m still reducing down my email, but realizing I should pull myself away. Ignore alarm because no quarters. Text a few people to make plans and check in on em, check my notifications, relax. I’ll finish the email by 8 probably. Expectation: 8pm, take a shower and eat. Reality: 8pm, back to the email! Ignore the alarm, I don’t even read what it’s for, I’ll get it done eventually. I should note that I love sitting on the balcony and have been here since 5. I am getting a lil chilly. Expectation: 9pm, watch some wholesome How It’s Made while wrapping birthday gifts. Reality: 9pm, almost done with condensing! Just a few more tweaks and it’s professional, courteous, and easy to read. Expectation: 10pm, fold laundry and continue relaxing. I’ve been working super hard this month and I deserve a peaceful night. Reality: 10pm, alarm goes off for laundry folding. I have no laundry to fold and the gas station is closed. Just finish editing the email, OK BUDDY Expectation: 11pm, make sure all scissors, knives, delicate things, meds, etc. are put away safely since Lydia will be sleeping over soon. Reality: 11pm, absolutely freezing and I go inside to use the lil girls room. So many things have been ignored at this point, so I just ignore this alarm too. Being overwhelmed makes me buckle down to get it sent out. Expectation: 11:30pm, sleepy routine! Cup of sleepy time, unisom possibly, and blankie time- the best time. No more alarms. Play an app and be asleep around 12. 😴 Reality: 11:30pm- still in bathroom. I did stand up but I haven’t moved past hand washing, even the door is still closed. Doing the ACTUAL last proofread, and finally satisfied. Send. Task #1 ✅ Expectation: 12am, be asleep. Reality: 12am, go over list. Prioritize birthday present wrapping to start somewhere easy. Expectation: 1am, be asleep. Reality: 1am, I have finally found most of the presents and can begin. I lose things a lot and everything had also arrived while I was unmediated. Expectation: 2am, be asleep. Reality: 2am, Dan is home. Stop wrapping and tell him about my day. Expectation: 3am, be asleep. Reality: 3am, everything is really basically wrapped but I love putting effort and love into wrapping. Write little cute and fun cards! Make Dan’s weird! Make my grandma’s funny! Make my cousin’s super cute! Put some effort into really cute decorations for the boxes to make their days *extra* special! Task #2 ✅ Expectation: 5am, be asleep. Reality: 5am, Dan’s playing a video game quietly while I clean up the paper and ribbon mess. He looks over and says “oh no, it’s like 5am” Expectation: 6am, have SIX hours of sleep in and be still sleeping. Reality: 6am, realize I forgot to eat all day, exhausted so I have sleep for dinner. Now, looking back, this was insane. None of the tasks were hard, time-consuming, or boring, it was just so simple to get lost when I wasn’t with anyone to take me away from it and I was using phone alerts as my only system. Today I’m looking into healthy adderall-friendly ADHD coping methods for structuring my time and tasks! I have seen so many great things happen through my structured and supervised areas of life, so I know once I find my ground in independently organized areas, I can avoid some of the less productive behavior patterns that really came out in full force last night. The sometimes inconvenient effects of adderall are like evil superpowers that can be transformed and channelled and used for good. I’m hoping that I can find a great method to apply soon that can help me direct and control the focus I have while alone and medicated, because it has absolutely had a positive impact on so many other areas of my life. For so many years, my only goal was just to get by and hopefully one day begin treatment for depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I am so happy that my goal now is to gain even more independence and fully utilize my functioning hours. If anyone has suggestions/ideas for me or resources you can direct me towards, they are so valuable and appreciated! Thanks also to everyone who is reaching out asking about how I’m doing and even just reading these! I was told by a few nameless people that these updates made them feel less alone or that they learned something new about treating mental illness, and that really gives me the warm fuzzies. I’ll keep it up and keep moving up! 🖤🖤