#edit: i hate when i listen to music while writing and subconsciously work the lyrics into my sh*t. Polly by Moses Sumney came on

[theinfinitedivides]

so much for not writing the fic

[itscinnafox]

STORY NOTES [akafuri] : By The Next Sunrise

Because I had sooooo much fun doing this with a friend (@miss-cactus) :] (also being the first collab' work that's posted) and had a lot of messy notes and drafts, it's just so precious to me not to ramble about it >w< also plenty of fun times in just 2 and half months despite life biting my ass at the same time, totally my stress relief lol. Also, this story really isn't just some cheesy stuff for the sake of romance. It's genuine love (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾

Read the story here in AO3 Summary: On the way to his brother’s house, the spring showers had begun again. With an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world. Furihata smiled. He would find out. Perhaps by one of the next sunrises.

.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ. Rambles undercut ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ .☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.

FIRSTLY, @miss-cactus has all my gratitude ♡(ŐωŐ人) without her; AkaFuri will be stranded in France LOL! Seriously, I'll just dump them in some random village in France and just maybe not even finish this story at all even. The time she took to find me a place, translate, edits and also judging me for my description of the place LOL yep... total life saver. With her help it really motivated and inspired me a lot! She's the oil to my car............. you get the idea :] .

BONUS, she's also a translator and translated many amazing works, basically a deity, breathing life back into them. Also, she has original works too :D check 'em out, it's cute! It's in French, but they're easily translated, she's that good! (๑>◡<๑) her AO3

WEIRD FACT, I also had a short break up with my boyfriend of 7 years while writing this. LOL. I was so upset but I got motivated by the similarities, that when he asked for us back I was like 'But-but the similarities though!' but I love him....bleeegh. So I said yes, and we're better than before. YAY!

๑ Story Base ๑ The idea popped when I was listening to 'The sun after washed by spring rain' by Wang Lee Hom on a rainy day on my day off, and florist Akashi just looks so beautiful lol and the rest just came up.... and I really wanted this vibe for AkaFuri something incredibly soft and warm~ just cozy >w< huehue~

This story sets in Spring, spring here, spring there~ Spring is the breath of new life, basically Furi's story lol.

I was also aiming for this story to be short and a bit poetic...... LOL then 11k words later I just gave up and was like: well, if AkaFuri wanna romance then who are we to say no? (Akashi will shave my hair in my sleep lol)

๑ Playlist ๑ Play on Youtube The playlist is by order according to each part within the story. I really love to ramble about this since music is my inspiration for a lot of things and the vibe of the whole premise, section of their development and perspectives.

☆ 11 : 11 by Taeyeon Introducing Furihata's little sob lol and Furi's perspective. After Furihata breaks up with his girlfriend (who again, have no significant in his life what so ever), he goes through the phase on moving forward. It really isn't him moving forward with his feelings for her though, it's just him moving forward from the familiarity of being with her in his life. With her gone, he finally reconnects with who he is, like in this passage : "However, somehow with just a fling of his bag onto the island top threw him years back. He has not always been this tidy and clean." Furihata had basically lived his life to accommodate to those around him. (I wanna stress that Furi wasn't forced into a relationship or was it abusive. It was just a relationship with someone whom Furi had no infatuation for. It just so happens she wanted to date him after the wintercup, and Furi is just like 'yea ok?' but really he didn't exactly thought it through.)

So this is where Furihata moves on from the familiarity. He cries because they dated lol, but really he's just confuse.

☆ The Sun After Washed By Spring Rain by Wang Lee Hom Exactly one year after Furi's break-up. The source of this story idea lol. Also, Furi's perspective. The title and the song is literally what it meant; the sun after the spring rain which brings in new beginnings. I present you, this passage of the story: "Instead, with an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world."

☆ Reunite by Jordie Power I present you, when Akashi appeared and Furihata's crush on Akashi just awakened and go haywire LOL! In this AU, Furihata has genuine feelings for Akashi. They were long time friends, and there were even a few emphasis of their friendship through high school but because Furihata has a girlfriend and Akashi respected that (although most times, in my brain, is just Akashi crying to Kuroko LOL!)

☆ Passage by Miyano Mamoru Furihata and Akashi's similarities. The song is basically about finding yourself as you age, the experiences you go through as you age (i'm 27 and i'm still confuse lol) Even though this story focuses on Furihata a lot and little less on Akashi except for little hints here and there, Akashi was just as lost as Furihata.

Random thought (as I type this), my boyfriend had told me this before "Even though we don't need each other, and do well on our own. We have friends but it's so different. Is just something different to have someone you love around, so to an extend, I really do need you and to share everything with you, it really makes me happy." it really is something different to have someone by your side especially when you found someone. (p/s: you definitely don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. you complete yourself okay? :3) Furi and Akashi have been in-love since high-school, they have accomplished a lot on their own but in a passage, they both felt lost and felt like something was 'empty' that was because they were still in-love, and they met each other and truly want to spend their life together and share everything.

☆ Moonlight by Miyano Mamoru Mmmmmm~ the juice. This is Akashi's perspective when he wants to romance Furihata (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞ and of course, sneakily confesses to him. OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS LITERALLY THE PART THAT I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! and wrote it sooooo many times. I wanted it steamy and a little desperate after their long pent-up-frustration unprofessed love, without making it 'explicit' kind of way. So I hope I captured it right lolol.

☆ Make Me Love You by Taeyeon Furihata's feelings towards Akashi. I was pondering on a song that would fit Furihata's pull towards Akashi and how Akashi makes him feel every time. No other songs seems to feel like then I was randomly humming to this song while I was working and this is perfect! Also, a wonderful vibe.

I think it has been emphasised a lot on how Furihata reacts to Akashi, how he blushes like crazy, how he also subconsciously wants Akashi to make him fall in love with him. Because deep down, as again, Furihata genuinely loves Akashi but he was never daring enough to do it and since Akashi had never showed any indication, so Akashi had to confess in order for Furihata to be brave enough to smack their lips together to confess too.

☆ Je Fais De Toi Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire Infinitely bless @miss-cactus (and her naughty brother lol) for this! This is song is seriously sooooo beautiful ;w; I don't care if reader's don't listen to the playlist, but OH MY GOD! If nobody had listened to this, is seriously missing out. (just as a song in general is beautiful) and the lyrics are just akjsfhakjsfhaf AKASHI'S WORDS! In Akashi's perspective and the song that Akashi sang to when they were in the car, and Cactus chose the perfect line for it ;w;

This song basically concludes everything!!! From their feelings for each other since high-school and all the way until the day they die! It's basically everything I wanted this story to be about, just their pure love for one another and to share their happiness together ;w;

Also, I want to point out in regards of Furihata's decision on staying in France. It's really not just a spontaneous and reckless decision lol. As stated and shown in the story, Furihata is somewhat a successful person with a career, but Furihata has other passion and interest which he seemed to enjoy doing which is photography and Akashi notices this. Even though with a career, at a time some will have a change of heart. So if Furi wants to stay in France with Akashi, he has thought it through enough, and can afford to even live by even without Akashi's money lolol. ๑ Premises ๑ Cactus, without her, AkaFuri will be hobos. I . AM . NOT . KIDDING ! She just whip out the map of France and pin point me to everything! I didn't ask for that but her soul is made from angel clay and she showed me this beautiful town, and I am floored! I didn't feel that much motivation and inspiration before o(≧∇≦o)

So why not Paris? XD 1, I didn't want Paris, I wanted a natural, country/cottage vibe and not the city. 2, proven by Cactus, "actual paris : if you want a cup of coffee you have to give up your wife and your 2 children bc it's way too expensive" (XD actually there's more but those parts are only between us lol) 3, I want to pull Akashi from his usual portrayal of rich and luxurious life style. I mean.... he's still rich, just not lavish in that lifestyle. In here, Akashi's basically bare as a canvas, and painting it on his own. 4, I google mapped Paris.... and if anything, Akashi and Furihata will probably get run over by traffic LOLOL! 5, we hate the crowds lolol and we'd do anything to drown the citizens for AkaFuri to be alone. I'm not even gonna be discreet about this xD.

☆ Mornac-Sur-Seudre This main village, is the most beautiful town picked by Cactus. It's not so 'in the face' although not so splashed in a lot of colours (except for the oyster huts), it is a very vibrant village. We totally fell in love with it. It's quiet, and not a lot of villagers, so it's perfect for AkaFuri to have their stroll hand in hand (人 •͈ᴗ•͈) They're also very famous for their oysters LOL! So yeah..... Akashi fed Furi oysters.... because....it's yummy.... LOL! Video reference here. There's another beautiful video but I can't find it no more. ;; Other references; here, here and here.

☆ Seagull Train Furihata loves train (and so do I) and since the train exists here! WHY THE HELL NOT?! I really love writing this part! I fell in love with the department Cactus picked and everything was so perfect and beautiful. Pictures and videos of it was just so breath taking ;w; and it's a steam train! I've never ride one before, but I have been into exhibits in the train museum. The smell is amazing lol. It's like sniffing my humidifier......but bigger.

This is the train I had saw mostly from it. the 030 T 3 from 1891. It's still operational so choo-choo!!! they go!

Video reference ; here Train reference; here, here Other references; here, here, here and here.

☆ Saintes & Royan These two towns are what's closest to Mornac. I didn't have much on Royan because Saintes had a beautiful charm, so this is where they would have their wonderful date <3 and talk a little bit about their feelings.

Cactus correcting me on the description on the city as I just woke up from my sleep, is seriously a way to wake up in the morning at 5am XD LOLOL!!

There's a few churches too, and has an interesting history from the Roman empire :D really intriguing.

The bridge where they have their little confession in high-school (◡‿◡✿)

This video here, absolutely pretty!

☆ Akashi's Floristry; Fleurs d’acacia Cactus picked out the most beautiful name! "So either L’acacia (just the tree) or Fleurs d’acacia (acacia flowers)" The Acacia because it rhymes with Akashi's name : Aca - as in 'Aka' in Akashi. Ci - as in sea...because they're near the ocean. A - as in....... h(a)m because Cactus said so... and I can't even disagree because it's where Furi getting some of those..... meat....because Akashi's ham.....like his meat.......y'know..... We're very dignified ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

The design of Akashi's 3 story shop/studio/apartment..... I really don't have any reference, it's all in the head LOLOL! Akashi basically lives in simplicity, his shop all on the ground floor, and the second floor is his art studio where paints and do whatever he wants. Finally the third floor is where he stays, it was wasn't very detailed but it's very spacious and cozy >w<!

☆ The Drive-in theatre Bruuuuuh......the confession is the thing! Akashi sneaking in his opportunity to confess. What more is there need to be said? AkaFuri : mlemlemlemlemlemlemlemlem~

Ohh~ Akashi's pretty Bentley of course.

☆ The Landes The finale of their romance ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. I think we all know what a Volkswagen van looks like LOL! And they had the funky in the van and Akashi took Jean's advice with the bamboo charcoal.

Cactus showed this pretty place and I'm just ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Of course I'd really like to say it again. Furihata's decision to stay with Akashi was really not for the sake of a 'happy ending' or so. They've had deep feelings for each other since high-school and bonded closely, but Akashi didn't show any indication of romantic interest out of respect for Furihata's relationship, and Furihata knowing nothing about Akashi's mutual feelings just kept his feelings to himself. As told by the story, Furihata has a career and stable income. But even though his life is dandy in Tokyo with his job, that doesn't mean it's something he wants to keep pursuing or maintain, as we age, we search for something else to add into our experience. Not to say that we're forever unsatisfied, it's just how life is. We accomplish something, and we move on to another thing, and then another and another. It's really something beautiful about it, and life's just us exploring :] In Akashi and Furihata's case, is that they've already have what they wanted, a life of their own, choosing their own path and what they don't have was each other and now that they've bonded and opened up themselves, they can finally pursue another beautiful life together (>*^▽^*<)

๑ Book, Night on the Galactic Railway by Kenji Miyaza ๑ This is a real book. Also, my favourite! There is an anime as well, but if anyone wants the PDF feel free to drop me a DM and I'll give it to ya'.

In here, the story of the galactic railway impacted their lives a little bit differently. With Akashi the loss of his mother and Furihata to live the last adventure before death.

It is shown they have extreme love for this book, and it really is a beautiful book and there's just endless things to talk about, as it is place in an infinite travel of the train through the galaxy, meeting new people, seeing new things, the mysteries of stories and making meaningful relationship despite never being able to see them again.

The sentiment of Giovanni and Campanella is also similar to Akashi and Furihata. Before anything else, they want to have their adventure together before eventually parting their ways (and i really mean, until death do them apart.)

๑ Other Juices ๑ There some nitty stuff that aren't just there for show xD Well, kind of but there's some sentiments and stuff so...

☆ The Sunflower Maybe because I'm bias to sunflowers LOL! But Furihata is pretty with yellow! Sunflowers with darker brown florets are absolutely beautiful. The pendent I had in mind was literally the one I had when I was a kid (but I donno it's gone now lol). I googled other sunflower pendent but it's ugleh...

It associates with the theme of this story which is 'Sunrise' as in new beginnings, Furihata's fresh start to pursuing the person he actually loves.

Sunflowers also grow towards the sun. They radiate pure joy and positivity. They also symbolise unwavering faith and unconditional love; which is AkaFuri's undying love here despite the years.

Sunflowers are also given to show their deepest to the person, so Akashi gift him a sunflower :3 also because Furi looks pretty in yellow, fight me.

In chinese myth, sunflower are best for business... So with Furi around, Akashi's business will bloom LOLOL!

Funfact: In greek myth, a nymph named Clytie fell deeply in love Apollo, god of the sun. Although Clytie was beautiful by nymph standards, Apollo did not reciprocate her feelings, or acknowledge it. (except Akashi appreciates Furi's love okay?) After days of hopeless devotion, the nymph then transformed herself into a sunflower and constantly turned towards the sun so she could always be with the one she loved (Furihata's chasing sunrises because Akashi is there ok?).

☆ The Happy Street Cats :D This is actually a real book I have, a gift by my teacher before I leave S.Korea. The passage idiom is extracted by this page as well.

The front cover of the book is also yellow.

Yellow : Sunrise + Sunflower.

There's so much yellow in this story LOL!

☆ The Movie Cactus : Idol movie Me : *internal screaming* I swear we are always soooooooo close to making this whole thing crack XD

This scene is a real brain wreck lololol. (Still contemplating if it was romantic enough)

☆ Akashi's Florist number I extracted that number from an oyster restaurant LOLOL! Thankfully Cactus changed it.... we were planning on a crack bonus in which, Furihata orders oysters before calling Akashi.

It didn't happen. But if it did.

Furihata will order some oysters. And not regret it.

*Akashi judging*

☆ French Dialogues + Akashi teaching Furihata French Bless Cactus, she's my happiness now. I have no idea how many weird noises were coming out from our mouths just to understand how the French consonant 'R' sounds like to put it into words LOL! XD Without her, it'd be a disaster.

We were looking at other romantic phrases and found the perfect one ;w;

“Je suis ton bonheur.” means "I am your happiness" (oh god, google translate voice just keeps playing in my head LOLOL! help) Which, what else can be said? LOL Akashi's happy ok? Since this story is from Furihata's perspective, I really wanted to put him into the spot of being a foreigner (he speaks english and mandarin lolol just clueless in French, because Akashi is supposed to guide him). So while Cactus work her magic, being the Akashi to my Furihata. I tried to emphasis a lot on the characters expression etc, at least to indicate of what was going on....tbh even I forgot what they were saying. *just as clueless as Furi and Cactus cackling somewhere.

Everything in here is just Cactus being amazing ;w; and pure patience LOLOL!

๑ Side Characters ๑

☆Shérine ............ We butchered the original female side. Her name was Camille.... but I was sooo tempted to name it after *coouugh* :] because it's pretty. Also her hair was blond with hazel-green eyes.... yea we buried her.

Shérine wins now... Shérine is life.

Shérine will be in their wedding.

☆Jean Kirstein (of AOT) It's JEAN! ...........someone gotta tease Akashi with no filter.

(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ FINAL NOTES

The last section when Furihata wakes up and makes his decision, believe it or not, I was in the bus. While typing to Cactus, I was literally shaking in the bus and my eyes stung because of dust and I was in tears. I was between crying and laughing. Finished it at home ;w; Cactus was such a darling through it all.

I really had fun writing this with Cactus ;w; she's the best!!!!!!! And hopefully we'll make some crack stuff because we're hooligans like that XD.

:D BYE!

[mss4msu]

We Never Go Out of Style

Summary: You and Steve are in a continual on/off relationship when you finally decide you need to get out of the vicious cycle. That is until he shows back up and convinces you that your relationship never goes out of style.

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Words: 2461

A/N: I wanted to write a fic using the lyrics from T. Swift’s “Style”. The bolded words are the lyrics, and they’re in order based on verse, so hypothetically you should be able to sing along. Also, this used to be a NSFW fic, but I’ve edited it to be clean.

Warnings: There is some angst bc it’s an angsty song. And there is “language”.

Photo Cred: http://alphalewolf.tumblr.com/post/128652676252 @alphalewolf

After a long and exhausting week of work, you decided you needed to blow off some steam. You called up Nat and Wanda and plan to hit the clubs. You spent the past hour dancing and giggling, and were somehow convinced that it would be a good idea to do shots in addition to the drinks you had already ordered. After your 3rd tequila shot you realize that maybe you should’ve just gone home and slept after work. The quality of the dance music was rapidly decreasing, and Nat and Wanda were busy flirting up guys to get them to buy them drinks. There were only so many random dudes you could feign interest in without getting bored. He was the only one on your mind.

“Hey, guys, this has been fun, but I think I’m gonna head home,” you tell them.

“You sure??” Nat asked, turning around from the bar with yet another free drink.

“Yeah, it’s been a long week and I just need to go sleep I think.”

“So it always goes with you. How are you getting home?” Wanda asks.

“I’ll just call an Uber, I’ll be fine! I’m going to run to the bathroom first though.” you respond.

While you knew you should just call an Uber, you also knew you’d rather see him. Although, the chances of him actually answering were slim to none. He was probably still on that mission to God knows where he had left on without telling you. You get into the bathroom and let out a sigh of relief to be able to hear yourself think again. You pull out your phone and check the time: Midnight. You find him in your contacts after a few minutes of searching. You had to stop changing his contact name every time he pissed you off. With each subsequent ring, your heart starts pounding louder and louder.

“Hello?” Your heart skips a beat as you hear his voice. “(Y/N)?”

“Steve,” you whisper. You realize you’re the only one in the bathroom. You clear your throat, cursing that tequila for making you think you should call him over a regular Uber. “Will you come and pick me up? I’m out at that dance club that we went to a few times. You know the one?”

“The one on 53rd? Yeah I remember it. Sure, i’ll be there in 10.”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Thanks,” you reply and punch the red button to hang up harder than you meant to. Why did you do this to yourself? He wasn’t even there yet and you already knew the night was going to end badly. To get your mind off of it as you wait, you decide to dance one last song with Nat and Wanda. Finally you feel the buzz of your phone.

“Alright ladies, that was my last song, my ride is finally here. I’ll see you later!” you see two new guys approach them as you turn to leave. They would be fine without you.

You get outside and see people stumbling around you. You look up and down the street, but see no headlights. You then hear a honk and your heart skips a beat. This was a big mistake, you think as you run over to his car.

“Hey,” you say as you slide into the passenger seat.

“Hey,” Steve replies. You hoped he noticed how damn good you looked. You had probably subconsciously planned to call him tonight, as you were wearing the shirt that best showed off your cleavage. “So you want to go home?” he asked

“Yes, please,” you respond, buckling your seatbelt and slouching into the seat. Your head was pounding from the silence after having spent hours listening to non-stop bass, and your heart was pounding to actually seeing him again.

“As you wish,” he said, turning the car back on.

“You finally got to The Princess Bride on your list?” you asked him. You had specifically requested that he watch it, but he had always put it off whenever you were together. You could never figure out why, as it was an iconic love story and the two of you had been in love once, at least you liked to think you had.

“Yup,” he curtly replied. From his short answer you could tell this was gonna be a long drive, but you noticed that what he lacked in words he made up for in the looks he kept giving you. He can’t keep his wild eyes on the road, you thought, feeling yourself start to blush. You could feel him undressing you at every stop sign and red light. At this point, you decided the night could end in burning flames or paradise.  

You jolt awake to the car coming to a halt and as your eyes fade into view, you see Steve reaching over and unbuckling you.

“Oh!” I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep!” Wow, Steve is finally back and responsive, takes me home, and I can’t even stay awake for it, you began to internally yell at yourself.

“It’ fine (Y/N),” he answered, holding the door open for you. “You know, it’s been a while since I have even heard from you.”

“Well, I haven’t heard from you either,” you start fumbling for the light switch, taking the time when the lights are off to compose yourself.

“I’ve been busy. I haven’t had time for anyone anymore. It’s not easy being Captain America,” he says as he’s taking off his coat.

“Hmm,” maybe that was true, but it was a bullshit excuse. “Yeah, that’s why I quit.” Nat and Wanda had been trying to get you to tell him for ages, but you wanted to keep this little piece of information to yourself until it was convenient to bring it up. The fact that he had had little emotion all night, which is probably what made you fall asleep in the first place, made you finally decide to share.  

“You what!?? Since when?” he asks with shock in his voice and wide eyes. Finally, you got the satisfaction of an emotional reaction.

“I got tired of all the drama, Steve. Saving the world every day takes a lot out of a girl.”

“What drama? Saving the world I get, I say all the time that it’s no easy job. But drama? I don’t know about that...”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Steve. I’ve heard that you’ve been out and about with some other girl. You obviously have time for someone.”

“Some other girl?” he asks and then pauses. Finally he says, “What you’ve heard is true, but I can’t stop thinking about you and I. Things didn’t really end well between us and I got lonely on that last mission, (Y/N). 3 months away from everyone I know and love and care about, and then one random person starts to give me some attention and I felt compelled to give it back. I’m sorry.”

“Steve, this is the biggest bullshit. Things didn’t end well between us because, yet again, Fury gave you an assignment and you just left without telling ANYONE. I swear, right now I should just tell you to leave ‘cause I know exactly where it leads...” but I can’t, you finish in your head. You couldn’t give him that satisfaction right now. You were too angry. “How many times will we let this relationship end and then stupidly decide to start it up again? I hate that I just watch it go round and round each time and never try to change it.”

“(Y/N), I said I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and I get that we are in this cycle of on-again off-again and everything you’re thinking, I’ve been there too a few times. I want to make this work though. I’ve had these past three months to really think about everything and I realized all of the mistakes I’ve made, especially when it comes to you and I’m ready to redeem myself. But, if you want me to leave, you got it,” he said with rejection in his voice.

You angrily look him up and down. You were extra pissed that he had that James Dean daydream look going on tonight. You felt your eyes well up with tears. No. You were not going to cry. He was not getting that satisfaction from you. He never understood that tears didn’t always mean sad. Right now you were pissed. You were pissed he’d gotten with another girl and you were pissed that he had cut you out of his life and you were pissed that he still looked so damn good.

“Something in your eye, (Y/N)?” he asked gently.

Shit. You were tired of him making you cry, and you had sworn to never waste your tears on him again.

“Steve, you’ve been gone for 3 months with no communication. No phone calls, no texts, not even a fucking letter. I know you know how to send a letter. That’s the only way you had to communicate ‘back in the day’!” you couldn’t help the sarcasm that came out.

His face fell. You would maybe have felt a little badly about it if you hadn’t been so heated it. Thank you tequila! you thought. You were finally going to get all of this off your chest and he was just going to have to take it.

“You’ve been gone for months and I still can’t forget you! Anytime I go out I got that red lip, classic thing that you like. I still dress like I’m trying to impress you even when you aren’t here. That’s fucking ridiculous. We just live in this fucking cycle of being together and everything going great and then you get some ‘super secret’ assignment and go away for months with no word and then, wouldn’t you know it, you show up again just as I’m ready to move on! I’m so exhausted by it! When we go crashing down, we come back every time and I just can’t take it! Plus, this time there was another woman involved. Like fuck, not only did you not make time for me, you somehow found time for someone else. Fuck you, Steve.” You were finally crying, you just couldn’t help it at this point.

“It’s ‘cause we never go out of style,” he says quietly to you.

“The fuck does that mean? Use modern terms, Steve.”

“I mean, we never go out of style. This relationship is one that will never get old, even when we do.”

“You know what does fucking get old, Steve? You leaving and me never knowing when you’re coming back or where you went, or apparently who you’re with when you’re there. I’m surprised you even answered tonight, let alone actually show up for fucking once.”

“I’m really sorry I’ve treated you this way, (Y/N). I really want to make it up to you.”

You stared him in the eyes and the softness in his made you take a deep breath and think about what he had said. Three apologies? In one night? There was no way that was what had been happening. In your anger you had probably imagined it. These things were never this easy. Any fight you had lasted hours if not days. He always fought you on any mistake you said he made, apparently his never giving up attitude applied not only on the battlefield, but in his romantic life too.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you say, to which he just shakes his head. You’re so struck with disbelief by his apparent change of heart that you take his silence as time to regain your train of thought. This also gives you a chance to really look at him. Apparently his attitude was not the only thing about him that was different. His hair had grown since last time you’d seen him; you’d never seen it that long. You noticed he also had his hair slicked back. And he was wearing a white t-shirt that you could slightly see through. Fuck, this happened every time too. You’d get pissed, fight, and then remember how fucking hot his body was. The silence between you became more deafening than the music in the club.

He was the first to break the silence. “You’re right, I’ve been absent and it hasn’t been fair to you. I’ve never made the time for you that you deserve and I’ve always put myself first. I’ve really been re-considering my behavior and how I let my job get the best of me, and I got to thinking about how I let myself get the best of me too. You have always been the best part of my life. Everything about you is perfect for me: you are, or were I guess, in the same line of work, you’ve got that good girl faith that a God-fearing man like me looks for, and you look damn fine in a tight little skirt. And you’re right, when we go crashing down, we come back every time. So, let’s stay together this time. I’m telling ya’ gorgeous, I only need one more chance to prove it to you.”

“Why? Why should I think you have or will change? Why would I give you another chance?” you ask him, although hearing him talk about why you were perfect for each other had caused you to feel butterflies in your stomach. It had also caused your underwear to get slightly wet.

“‘Cause we never go out of style,” he repeated.

Your heart was racing. You had been avoiding eye contact during his whole apology, afraid that if you looked at him, you would give in too quickly. Hearing him talk about why he wanted to be with you and having him pledge to not break your heart again, caused you to finally look up. His blue eyes pierced yours and you felt a jolt in your gut.

“Steve, how can I be sure? How can I know you’ll treat me right this time? How can I trust you?” Tears began to sting your eyes

“Because, I love you, (Y/N). I always have and I always will.”

He stepped towards you, putting both his hands on your face, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks. You took a step towards him, feeling the warmth radiating from his chest.

You looked him straight in the eyes, “Always?”

“We never go out of style,” he replied, his fingers tangling in your hair as he put his hands on the back of your head, pulling you in for a kiss.

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Little Kid Interview: Pry It Open

BY JORDAN MAINZER

A man comes home from work and finds his wife’s clothes strewn about on the floor. In that situation, most people with a healthy amount of pessimism would assume infidelity. The narrator in Little Kid songs assumes rapture. Indeed, Transfiguration Highway, the latest from the Toronto band fronted by singer-songwriter Kenny Boothby and their first for Solitaire Recordings, juxtaposes country-leaning, classic rock instrumentation with stories of people yearning, classically misguided, downtrodden, or lost. And unlike much of their previous material, the songs are tight and concise, circling with banjo, harmonica, and drums as opposed to minimal and drawn out guitar exercises, leaving Boothby’s words for maximum impact. Take “Thief On The Cross”, where Boothby not-so-secretly wishes other bands who they’ve known and made it big would take them along, revolving around a chugging guitar riff, banjo plucks, and celebratory bar-room piano. On the opposite emotional spectrum is “All Night (Golden Ring)”, a gentle duet between Boothby and multi-instrumentalist Megan Lunn, about another famous duet partnership, Tammy Wynette and George Jones, who eventually recorded purely for commercial reasons post-divorce and Jones’ abuse. Even Boothby’s sneering, whispered vocals on the title track effectively mirror the subtleties of his observations about the way his hometown had changed, as he logically muses along over a slinky bass line and 4/4 drum beat.

As much as he describes the characters like the one in “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured” as a joke, Boothby certainly uses the songs on Transfiguration Highway to process his own life. He grew up Christian and essentially learned how to play music through church, listening almost exclusively to Christian music till he was a teenager. Though gender and power dynamics play a role in the negative behavior of characters fake and real, like the idiot husband or Jones, Boothby’s analysis of the rest suggests a sort of hymnal reverence, or at least the possibility of goodness. The down-on-their-luck gamblers on the Whitney-esque “Losing” are treated with an exasperated smile. And on closer “Pry”, Boothby sings repeatedly, “I’ll pry it open,” not just referring to his heart but the gates of heaven. There’s room for ya if you’re kind.

I spoke with Boothby in late July about Transfiguration Highway, Christianity and Christian music, and his love-hate relationship with Bob Dylan. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: What is your current relationship with religion in general?

Kenny Boothby: I guess I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I’m a Christian, per se. I’m culturally Christian, if that makes sense. I was raised that way. But I wouldn’t say Jesus is my savoir or anything that would have to be on that checklist for a lot of people. It’s part of my history--I value it for a lot of reasons, but I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I’m a Christian in any way, really. It sticks around because I like the imagery and it shaped my worldview, for better or worse, in a lot of ways. It’s a complex relationship.

SILY: I know you’re influenced by Christian music--not what people think of, like contemporary Christian rock--but hymnals.

KB: I grew up listening to almost exclusively Christian music till I was a teen. Some of those bands still stick around and are important to me, but largely, it wasn’t a very artful group. Nowadays, even the ones I would still listen to wouldn’t meet the people’s requirements either, like Sufjan Stevens or early Pedro the Lion. That’s the closest thing that could be considered Christian music I still listen to. But I learned how to play music at church, so in a sense, there’s a Christian tradition of music that I’m part of in a way.

SILY: On the lead track on the album, “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured”, the character in the song, his first thought when he saw his wife’s clothes on the floor was not that she was having an affair but that she’d been raptured. Would you say this character is naive, and naive because of religion?

KB: Hmm...to me, the character’s made to be a bit of a joke to me. I view him as a stupid man. [laughs] Walking in and making these assumptions. Maybe he’s entitled and out of touch with the relationship himself, like some of the things he lists about the relationship and why he should have gotten to heaven. So, naive, but also arrogant. I connect it to religion, but it wasn’t meant to be a send-up of Christianity, almost more of a gender-based thing. This is a man who is so unaware of his wife’s needs and that she’s looking for attention elsewhere that his first thought is he’s done everything right. But I guess it could come across that way.

SILY: I love the moment where he comes in and sees a crucifix above the bed, and thinks, “As I watched, his limbs were spreading out,” and the two people intertwined in bed also have limbs spreading out. It’s like this is the moment where his innocence, or whatever was blocking him from realizing what was going on, was lost.

KB: That makes sense. I often write songs kind of quick--it feels like a very long process, but often, the active time I’m sitting there writing is kind of short. That day, especially, was less than an hour of sitting there and assembling words. Some of it is not as intentional as it may seem, but when you say that, I’m like, “Cool, right on!” It’s interesting what the subconscious mind can whip up sometimes.

SILY: This record more so than anything else you’ve made sounds bigger. Why did you make that choice at this time in the existence of the band? Did it have to do with signing to a new label?

KB: When we made it, we didn’t have a label or anything attached to it. The process was the same, though we had access to a tape machine for the first time and could record live to tape. Artistically, it’s sort of the logical next step for us. But Dan [Rutman] from Solitaire, I’d been in touch with him for a while because my friend [Brigitte] Naggar from Common Holly is on the label. I knew he was kind of interested. I got the sense he wasn’t super into it at first but maybe he needed it to grow in on him. After the label decision, we did decide on a grander roll-out with visualizers and that sort of thing, because that’s on the label’s side. That’s Dan’s expertise: How do we get people hyped on this more. Before, we were like, “Let’s do a post on every social media saying, ‘Hey, this’ll be out in a month.’” And then a month later, we’d put it out. There wasn’t much thought to it. Anything that’s grander is more on the PR front: label expertise, money being paid to publicists. It comes across as more of a grand thing, and that’s cool and what we were hoping to get out of the label. To have more people hear it. The process for making the album was more or less the same--what was bigger was the social media and the storytelling to entice people to listen. 

SILY: What was the inspiration behind the sequencing of the record?

KB: That’s something we always take a long time thinking about and noticing during recording, like, “That’ll be a good first song,” or, “That could be a closer.” It’s something we start to agree on pretty early. But then when you pick the track list, it can be really difficult. This one was hard to sequence. I think it was the last day of recording at [bassist Paul Vroom’s] old place, The Pharmacy, and me and Meg sat down, and I wrote down the titles of the songs on an old piece of paper. I took a sharpie and was writing the key for each song on there as well. Some of them ended on a different key, so I was thinking about the circle of fifths. There were some that didn’t work well that way, but there were some that ended abruptly enough that the key could change and it felt okay still. I approached it that way and then showed it to Meg, and she recommended switching two of them or something, and then we both looked at it and thought, “That seems pretty good.” We showed it to the rest of the band, and everybody kind of agreed that it worked.

Another funny detail: I wrote the keys on each one, but then I also put a cowboy hat on top of the ones that had kind of a twang to them, and I think I was trying to spread the twang evenly across the album.

SILY: Does “I Thought That You’d Been Raptured” segue into “What’s In A Name”?

KB: It does. That’s not necessarily a planned thing, but I noticed [the former] landed on an “A” chord and the other song starts with an “A” chord. It worked musically and was an interesting second track.

SILY: There’s a nice level of variation from track-to-track, from aesthetic to time signature to lyrical themes. And then the couple short tracks, “Candle Out” and “Gill”, are nice breaks.

KB: That’s kind of different for us. We often have very long songs. This album has some of our shortest ones: The average track length is probably three-and-a-half minutes, maybe 4, which is almost a normal song length. Those really short ones are new for us. “Candle Out” was a musical idea I had, and it was just about all you could do with the idea, and “Gill” was just an instrumental that I wrote about my friend who passed away. The day of her funeral I was playing and I came up with it. But yeah, we were kind of kicking around with them, trying to figure out what to do with them. “Candle Out” seemed like a good closer for the side, and we thought about opening a side with it, too. Definitely, they’re breathers and sequenced accordingly to be in a similar spot in the track list on both sides.

SILY: “Gill” precedes the longest track on the album, “Pry”, that fits more with your past material. “Pry” almost seems to be not the emotional climax in terms of the narrative but the peak of emotional feeling on the record.

KB: It’s probably the most sincere song on there, and maybe the most personal, to be honest. More than usual, there’s storytelling on this one, but that one was a feelings song. The lyrics are fairly simple in the effect that they’re not building on each other like a story, but maybe they’re harder to decipher for that reason. It’s the simplest in a lot of ways, but I feel strongly about it in a different way I do something like “Rapture” for sure.

SILY: The repetition of the lyrics definitely mirrors the repetition of a lot of the chords.

KB: It’s a two-chorder, for sure. There’s a little twist at the end, some surprise chords, but it’s mostly these two. It’s something I used to do a lot more often, but we’re getting really into the fucky chords these days.

SILY: Were there any newfound instrumental influences on this record?

KB: That’s a good question. The most obvious touch point when you turn the record on is Bob Dylan. I have kind of a love/hate relationship with Bob Dylan--I feel strongly for him, and I mostly love him, for years now. If you know that, there are lyrical hints or subtitles in other songs that are based on Bob Dylan. He’s been an influence, though I don’t know if I’ve ever really sounded like him before. “Losing” is a traditional Canadian, Neil Young/The Band kind of vibe. That one was written, I had the piano line for a while and was picturing a soft country rock kind of song. That day, it was [electric guitarist/drummer Brodie Germain], Paul, and I, and I showed them the song. We did the initial guitar, bass, and drums all together. Brodie was the right drummer to be on that one since he was raised on classic rock and Neil Young. We felt, “That’s nice we have a song that has that kind of feel,” because if we’re together, we’re having some beers and it always ends up we’re listening to some Neil Young song and talking about how just slow enough the drum beat is. The piano was new. I was basing so much around the piano. Every song has some, and some are centered around it, but I’m not sure where that influence came from other than I’ve been playing my piano a lot more.

SILY: The Dylan influence is an interesting one, because in his music, he has the same relationship with religion or religious allusions that you do.

KB: That’s something that connects me with him for sure. His Christian records are terrible--I can’t listen to them--but I have really low tolerance for 1980′s music and the production at that time. I think those are late 70′s, but he was just starting to get to that shiny sound. And the lyrics are just fucking brutal on them too. When he went full Christian, that was a really bad scene. All my favorite records of his are in the first six or seven, and they do have a lot of little references. “Highway 61 Revisited”, the song, is a big influence.

SILY: Have you heard the new releases from Dylan and Neil Young?

KB: I’ve listened to the Dylan one just once. I liked it okay. I was enjoying the music of it, thinking it was produced in a fairly tasteful way for his more recent stuff, and the playing on it was great. Some of the lyrics were good, some were kind of garbage. I really don’t like really direct rhymes, like if you rhyme “truck” with “duck”. When it’s a full-on rhyme, I’m cringing, to be honest. Some of Dylan’s rhymes, I just know what he’s gonna say next, and it pisses me off. Like it’s too obvious...Here I am criticizing Bob Dylan’s lyrics. I’m not trying to do that. But a lot of them on this album I was cringing at.

The newly unearthed Neil Young album [Homegrown] of course is pretty cool. I like his records from right around that time a lot, so it’s cool to have another piece from that time in his career. I kind of see why it was shelved, though. It’s not as strong as some of those. But there’s some cool stuff. I actually really like the weird one with the glass, and he’s telling a story, and somebody’s sliding their finger around a glass. It’s really strange. I appreciate that’s in there for sure.

SILY: Did you have live dates that were affected by the pandemic?

KB: The only ones we had set in stone were from the release weekend. We were gonna be playing in Toronto and Montreal and Kingston, all within a pretty short drive within Canada. In September, we started the process of booking a tour, which is now of course not happening. It’s a bummer since we never really toured before, and I made the decision that I would more seriously be a musician this year for at least the next few years as opposed to having to take time off to do tours and stuff. Nature had another plan, so to speak, and now I can’t do that. [laughs] It’s frustrating, but mostly, I missed the release shows quite a bit. There’s always that date on the horizon for a long time, and the celebration of it is the show, and the catharsis happens there and I feel free of the album after that show. But there are a lot of other musicians for whom it’s been more painful financially and otherwise.

SILY: Have you considered doing a live stream from a socially distant venue or your practice space?

KB: That would be really cool. We were trying to get this grant to do a distant concert film. I don’t think we got it since we haven’t heard back. But when it’s safe for us as a band to get together or when we all feel comfortable, it would be cool to try. Like a Radiohead [In Rainbows - From the Basement] kind of vibe. I’m hoping we could have other songs finished. Maybe when shows are back we could play the album through.

SILY: What else is next for you?

KB: In December, Brodie was here. In November, he played a few shows with us. He moved away to the UK but was back for about a month and a half. We thought, “He’s here, let’s record some stuff.” We recorded six or seven songs. Some of them are super long, some of our longest, so we almost have enough for a record already, but we aren’t sure they’re all keepers. Mostly, I have to write a lot of lyrics to flesh it out, and that hasn’t been flowing too much. I’ve written a couple in a couple months. In this next month, I’m off work for a month, so I should more seriously write some stuff. Hopefully we have an album done in the fall.

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s notable?

KB: I’ve been listening to the album DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar really consistently for the last four months or so. I’ve just been digging into that one, seeming to get more into it every time: the lyrics, the depth of the album is really sinking in for the first time for some reason, though I liked it when it came out. As far as newer records, I like the Phoebe Bridgers record a lot, and Tenci’s My Heart Is An Open Field, and Empty Country, the guy from Cymbals Eat Guitars’ solo album I’ve been digging a lot. Lately, because I’ve been working, I’ve been listening to a lot of mellow stuff that I feel like I could do in the background: Emily Yacina, Advance Base. That’s fairly routine stuff for me. Those are all kind of #kennycore kind of records. I think I’m looking for that comfort in these weird times.

SILY: Would you call Little Kid #kennycore?

KB: [laughs] I hope so. That’s the goal. Make it sound like something I would like to listen to.

Transfiguration Highway by Little Kid