#local gay writes fanfic.txt

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so much for not writing the fic

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blacked out and wrote 500 words of a fic that i'm not even sure i'll be able to tackle bc i read too much on ao3 even though i'm still in s2 and now i'm ill and unwell and Eliot Spencer is rotting my brain from the inside out and the playlist blew up to almost a thousand songs. i'm blaming this specifically on Joan Armatrading and Johnny Flynn

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Hi!! I literally just saw the snippet you wrote for Vigilante and I’m already rabid for it! Out of curiosity, would you be interested in writing more/longer fics for this fandom in the future?

see this is what happens when you post sh*t that you wrote at ungodly hours of the morning (unfinished sh*t, i should add) bc of a show that drove you feral during the last two eps, drop it in the fandom tag half coherent and expect it to be seen by two mutuals max. obviously that did not happen, hence it's been less than 24 hours and you are already in my inbox anon sksksksk (and for the uninitiated, the snippet in question)

now. will i finish that sh*t? i want to say yes bc it keeps getting longer so there's a better chance of that happening than, let's say, it languishing in my drafts (at least i f*cking hope so. the RyangHyun fic for My Dearest is past 2500 words and it's still unfinished, writer's block is kicking my ass rip). will i write longer sh*t? maybe? depends on if i finish the first fic, tbh, bc then i can gauge and see how far the brainrot has its roots in me and whether writing a single one-shot and calling it a day will fix it. (knowing my history for queer coded k-dramas/films/international cinema in general, i doubt it will fix it)

if i do end up posting anything, though, i'll link it here too as well bc yk. i'm not that cruel to leave people hanging like that when i've actually finished the fic in question tyvm. i hope all of that made sense somehow i'm still not coherent anyway

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the nearly 1000 word Ryang Eum/Jang Hyun fic sitting in my drafts that just keeps getting longer staring at me every time i open it to edit:

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आशीर्वाद. — lit. blessing. ( crossposted on ao3. one-shot. alt text available in image id. )

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having Billu (2009) thoughts... while also having Jodhaa Akbar (2008) thoughts... i need to go lie down

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33, ‘across the room’ for Rahul/Anjali???

आरपार. — lit. across. ( crossposted on ao3. one-shot. )

They do not have his father's blessing, but that does not change what already is. She is still sitting there, one arm settled above the slight swell of her stomach, and there is still the ghost of the warmth of the weight of his hand, the span of it, all finger to thumb spread across their son—she knows it is a son, draped beneath the fabric of her kameez—and then, still, the way that he has stopped weeping at last, and has crossed the length of the room, standing in the doorway as if he does not want her to hear him in case he resumes. He is silent for a long while, after that, shadow cast across the threshold, chasing after what little light is left, his gaze caught on the curve of her jhumka. It is, it seems, a distraction for him, something to buy time, but she does not prod. She knows that he will speak, eventually, and so she waits, and allows him this, since no one else will and there is no one else who has.

I hope, he says, once he has composed himself as best as he can, that I am not hurting you, but what he means to say is I hope I have not hurt you not with this never with this I would not be able to bear it. What he means to say, with that smile of his, hollowed out with grief, is that he does not want to burden her with the thought of a child, with the thought of someone who could make her a mother and then leave her, like he has had to leave his own. What he means to say, since the thought is already here, is that he does not know if he will be able to prevent it, this leaving, and he does not want to have to apologize. She hears all of this, somehow, and yet none of it. Even in this, there are the sound of bangles, still coming up from his throat, and she cannot smile. Even in this, his hands are still shaking.

So she calls him back, and lets her hands cord through his hair, and lets him press himself to her hipbone like he is afraid that she will break—like he is afraid that he will break—and says nothing. She does not think there is much more he can say in words, from that distance, that will allow itself to leave him. She does not think it will be worth it now if he tries.

(send me prompt requests!)

[theinfinitedivides]

20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

for Dong Hoon and Ji An (is this my selfish choice to get more ficlets for them? Why yes, yes it is - but it still is a perfect choice for them).

She is not sure if she has heard him, at first. It is late, even for them, and they are on his couch, his legs curled up beneath him, his head just there, in the slight concave of her lap, her fingers tracing the faintest lines of his temple. She had thought him asleep, somehow, exhausted after the activities of the day and already well on his way to catching a chill, and so she startles when he says it again, voice muffled by the fabric of her pants.

Ji-ahn ah, he murmurs, half-dreaming, Ji-ahn, and she hums in response. Do you know? There is a beat, perhaps more, and he shifts, almost as clear as a bell, now, thick with the last threads of consciousness—that day by the railroad tracks, he continues, when you came to me, and said you were going to tell everyone. And I hit you.

She places the lightest touch over his mouth, then, trying to quiet him—she has known, even without him saying so, that there is no need to bring this up between them, not when they are like this—but he raises a hand, swats at her wrist, a lazy thing with eyes closed, and she takes it for what it is. I didn't want to hurt you, I don't think. I've never wanted to hurt you.

I know, she answers, because he needs to hear it more than she does herself, and he makes a sound in the back of his throat, like he is trying to keep himself awake despite his better judgement and failing anyway. He is deathly quiet afterwards, and so she makes as if to reach for the blankets—Ji-ahn, he says, and she stills. I know what I wanted, back then. I told myself that wasn't what it was, but I know. You knew me better than I did, even then. I think I was afraid of knowing.

I know, she says again, this time almost to herself, and then, louder, I know, as she resumes, one hand drawing the blanket around his shoulders. I know. He will not remember this, it seems. The tension eases from him, slowly, something she doubts he has realized he had, and she wants to ask, But do you have it now, what you wanted?—but he is shifting again, now, and turns his face into her other hand, and exhales, a great release, and there is the cool weight of her ring against the bow of his lip, and the steadiness of his breathing, and he does not answer that. She does not ask him to, and it is well.

(send me prompt requests!)

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heads up, seven up tag game.

rules: post the last seven lines you have written and tag seven people.

i was tagged by @godswar but it's been so long since i've done this sh*t that i've probably forgotten how to 😭 ty for the tag anyway love, i will attempt not to disappoint

Lee Yoo-an comes in that morning like she has escaped a drowning, shaking out her umbrella in the doorway. A sweetness follows, the smell of crushed leaves escaping from the bottom of her boots—full-mouthed rot crawls up his throat and settles, there, where tongue meets column of neck. For a moment, his vision narrows. The mountain is an anvil in his teeth. "Mian," she says, hanging up her coat. She does not seem to notice the way he sways, barely, from his spot in the kitchen. He is still nursing a hangover.

tagging: @thelittlestspider, @kaatiba, @katabasiss, @tsainami, @perditism, @maskedlady, and @weshallflyaway

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why is writing fanfiction for gay media so f*cking hard *screeches*

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well. that nearly 1000 word Ryang Eum/Jang Hyun fic is going about as well as you'd expect (and has crossed the 1000 word mark. it is still staring at me tho)

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i'm sorry that there is no context for this whatsoever at minutes to half past 3 in the morning but am i blind af or did the People tab only now show up under collections on ao3

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gave in and added the KHNH title track to the Vigilante fic playlist that's like. THEE indicator this is not going to be a gentle one by any means