#edit: none of this matters mostly because I don’t care to date men

[naturecalls111]

I think I love Sanji so extra much because he’d acknowledge my ‘girl-ness’ in a way that I feel like has not ever been acknowledged in a way I wanted it to be wails

The chivalry intended not with hopeful reciprocation but with admiration. WAILS.

[bestiesenpai]

youtuber Sukuna

I beg you to read the shitposts I made about this, they are delicious. You don’t have to of course but...if you loved me you would :) s/n = screen name, and I hope you chuckle at Sukunas screen name

Content warning: uhmhm lowkey incel shit(mean internet comments and whatnot)

part two --- part 3

Name: Sukuna. Age: 25. Height: 6 foot 5 inches. Occupation: toxic Youtuber, fitness trainer and hot guy.

Sukuna wasn’t exactly known for being kind. He wasn’t nice to others, rarely having anything good to say about anyone, and he’d made a successful Youtube career out of it. First starting as a fitness trainer at his gym, through encouragement from his clients and the notion of a quick cash grab, he started Youtube.

He didn’t care about it and that reflected in the quality of his videos and editing. He didn’t have consistent uploads, just filming and posting videos whenever he wanted, analytics be fucked. But somehow, that worked out for him, and he quickly found himself with over two million subscribers just frothing at the mouth for his next video.

And those subscribers were some of the worst people. Sukuna didn’t care about fostering a safe space online for others, not in the slightest. His comment sections were atrocious, both on his Youtube and his Instagram. It was full of toxic men one-upping each other constantly and dragging on each other for not being able to work out as much as Sukuna did.

Sukuna was a large part of why his fanbase were so toxic. He himself often made bad comments about others, whether fellow creators or people that happened to appear in the backgrounds of his videos, and on more than one occasion he’d been ‘cancelled’. None of that mattered though, all he cared about was shitting on other people and making money.

Sometimes he played video games and posted it, but not too often. Sukuna often stated he wasn’t so much of a fucking lonely loser that he’d play video games all the time, and so the gaming videos he did post were few and far between. He played angry shooter games and GTA, mindless button clicking he could get lost in for a few hours for a video.

Laying in bed one night after uploading his most recent video, one where he rages at 12 year olds on GTA online, Sukuna was just scrolling through his phone mindlessly. After he uploads video game content, like clockwork, he gets recommendations for gaming channels. He only watches a few of them, mostly leaving mean comments saying what losers they are, but one catches his eye.

He’s never been recommended this kind of video before. The thumbnail is light and bright with some pink aesthetic lights in the back. But the most enticing thing is the person in the middle, cute pink cat ear headphones on and a bright smile.

“Let’s see…” Sukuna mumbles to himself, mindlessly clicking the video. He hasn’t even read the title, he only clicked it because they were cute, and here he is nearly blinded by the bright setup they have.

“Hi everyone, it’s (Y/N) here and I’m really excited today! We’re going to be playing this new game I found!” Sukuna is immediately enraptured by the sound of your voice, watching how your face changes as you talk. His eyes drift off to the decor behind you, cute plushies and healthy plants, and some twinkling fairy lights. There’s books as well, and your chair is one of those ergonomic gamer chairs he has as well but in pink.

Sukuna watches the video dumbly, totally in the dark about whatever you’re doing, but loving it all the same. All he knows is that he likes the sound of your voice, and when you laugh and smile at a funny part in the game, it makes a light flush come to his cheeks.

It only takes one video for Sukuna to spiral into more of your content. He watches a video on your gaming setup, and he’s surprised that so much technology can come in pink. He watches a video on how you edit, a few of you cooking in your kitchen, and even a few vlog videos.

He quickly subscribes to your channel, and when you plug your social media, he immediately goes there. Pulling up your Instagram, he stares at your profile picture and almost audibly coos at you for being cute.

Your profile is just as cute as your videos are and Sukuna barely remembers to follow you before he’s going through your whole feed, liking every picture he sees. Sometimes he leaves comments, only one word though, ‘cute’. He’s never liked something so outright cute before, it wasn’t who he was and it definitely didn’t fit with his brand.

Falling asleep after following you on every platform, Sukuna wakes up thinking about you as well. And he also wakes up to hundreds of comments from all his accounts, bombarding him with questions and screenshots from last night.

‘SUKUNA WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS SHIT?!’

‘OMG Sukuna liked (Y/N)s posts!!’

‘Sukuna is so gross and toxic, you better stay away from (Y/N)!’

‘SUKUNA YOU GAY NOW’

‘EW why the fuck do you like this bitch?’

There were hundreds of comments that he waded through. Most were from his fans, expressing disgust at how many photos of yours he’d liked and wondering why he, Sukuna, most heterosexual alpha male on the planet, would like a pretty in pink Youtuber who had bubbly intros and whined when their animal crossing villagers wanted to move away.

Other comments were from your fans, some in awe that he would like you considering how much he said he hated overly cute things. Other fans expressed concern, worried what this might mean for their favorite Youtuber. Did Sukuna want to cause problems, potentially hurting you? He did have a reputation of bullying others, so this wasn’t far fetched.

Checking your Instagram, you didn’t make any comment about it. There wasn’t any update or anything, but on his end he was being tagged in endless Twitter threads with screenshots of him liking your posts and commenting under them.

“For fucks sake.” He grunted, clenching his phone in his hands. The amount of notifications he was getting were starting to upset him and he nearly threw his phone to get them to stop.

Ignoring his phone for the rest of the day, Sukuna went to the gym like he always did and trained with his clients. Some of them brought it up to him, asking him if he had a mind break last night and forgot what he was doing. Sending them harsh glares, Sukuna refused to talk about it.

“Oh my fucking god.” Sukuna nearly wailed when he got home, finally checking his phone. His name and yours had begun trending, and the hashtag #protect(Y/N) was also. Muttering angrily under his breath, Sukuna turned on Instagram live.

“Okay what the fuck!” He shouted, seeing the live become instantly flooded with people all screaming about you and him. “You’re all fucking annoying, you know that?” Glaring harshly at the camera, he read some of the comments that went by.

‘WHY’D YOU LIKE (Y/N)S POSTS FROM 2017’

‘Are you two secretly dating??’

‘COLLAB!’

“Who gives a shit why I liked their stuff, you’re a fucking weirdo for keeping track of me. And we aren’t secretly dating, dipshits.” Rolling his eyes, Sukuna scoffed as more comments came in begging for a collaboration. “And think about it you morons, why would we collab? Our shit is too fucking different, what would we even film about?”

Sukuna stayed on Instagram live for nearly an hour answering questions asking about you. Every time he had to answer that you weren’t secretly dating, he got a little more annoyed. Not at the comments themselves but at the fact that it was true; you didn’t even know he existed.

Ending the live in a huff, Sukuna didn’t feel any better than before, and it was made even worse by the fact that everything he said was being relayed to Twitter, and you were tagged in every tweet.

“These idiots!” Staring at his phone, Sukuna couldn’t believe what he was seeing. On your Instagram stories, you’d posted a q&a for your followers, and nearly all of the comments were about Sukuna.

“Hi everyone! No, me and Sukuna aren’t dating!” You said, laughing a little to ease how uncomfortable you were. “To be honest, I’ve never even heard of him before! As you know, my content is very...different from his, so our circles don’t exactly intersect. But I’m always happy to have new followers and potential friends!”

“Fuck me.” Sukuna groaned, cringing at how uncomfortable you looked having to address the sudden onslaught of questions. For once he wished he’d actually given a shit about his online presence, so that maybe one day your circles could intersect. He knew he scared you, he scared a lot of people, and this was just proof.

“Uh, Sukuna if you see this, hi it’s nice to meet you!” You said in the next slide, puffing out your cheeks and waving cutely at the camera. It made Sukuna blush, and he hated it. “Thank you for following me and liking my content! I was very surprised that you found me!”

“Of course I did, idiot, you’re fucking cute.” He muttered under his breath.

“I know a lot of people are asking for us to do a video together and I know our content is really different, so don’t feel pressured to respond or anything, but the offer is open! If you’d like, we can collab on something.”

“On what?” He asked like you were there.

“I cook sometimes, and I know you cook too! Maybe we can make a cooking video? You can teach me how to make healthy food or something!” Sukuna could tell a fake laugh when he heard one, and you definitely had one right now. “Anyways, thank you! Bye Sukuna!” But hearing you say his name cutely like that made him not care.

He nearly responded right away, accepting the collab offer now that you’d spoken about it, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. He watched through the rest of your Instagram stories, going back and replaying the parts where you talked about him over and over and his heart clenched every time when you said his name.

In the dead of night, Sukuna DM’s you after watching your latest video and leaving the simple comment ‘check your DM’s’.

“Fuck, what should I say?” He’s suddenly stumped as he looks at the keyboard. Typing and retyping a message, in the end all he can say is hi. He doesn’t expect a reply, ever, but when he gets a vibration on his phone two seconds later he jumps to read it.

(S/N): hi Sukuna! :)

(cursedgod): hey

Real fucking smart, repeating what he just said.

(S/N): is there something you wanted to talk to me about?

(S/N): I hope you haven’t been annoyed at all the notifications you’ve been getting!

(cursedgod): No it’s okay

(cursedgod): we can collab if you want

Good Sukuna, good. Play it cool, don’t let them know that your fingers are actually trembling because you’re nervous.

(S/N): do you want to?? I don’t want to pressure you! I know we’re pretty different haha

(cursedgod): yeah, let's do it. Cooking?

(S/N): sure!

Looking around his home, he was suddenly assaulted with the fact that he didn’t have any furniture. He barely had a proper bedroom, just a mattress on a bare frame and a dresser. His lounge room was the same with his computer setup in one corner and then nothing else. There was only a couch, a mounted TV and a fold out table and chairs for his dining room.

(cursedgod): I know a studio kitchen we can use, I’ll send you the address

Thank god he’d done promo work for a brand in a studio one day, otherwise he’d be fucked.

(S/N): awesome! I’m free next Saturday!

And just like that, it was a date. Well, a meeting. Sukuna knew it wasn’t a date, but his heart still thumped like it was one. Confirming the time, he ended the conversation with a curt goodbye and obsessed about it throughout the night.

When the day to meet you came, Sukuna nearly ran late trying to pick out his clothes. He’d never cared about looking good or presenting himself well in front of others, whatever version of him he turned up in was what they got. But for you, he wanted to try a little harder.

Waiting outside the studio space, Sukuna rubbed his hands together nervously. You’d messaged a day or two ago offering to put the video on your channel since it probably wouldn’t fit his aesthetic, so he didn’t have to bring his shitty camera equipment.

“S-sukuna?” Snapping his head up, Sukunas mouth fell open looking at your curious face a few feet away, an Uber driving off behind you. You were even cuter in person, just his fucking luck. How was he expected to act like a normal person when his recent obsession was here looking better than he could have imagined.

“Hi.” What comes out is a grunt, not the smooth word he’d hoped. He can see you eyeing him up, taking in all the thick and corded muscles of his body. It made his chest puff out a little, he worked hard for this physique and to have you so openly looking at him made him happy.

“It’s nice to meet you!” Sticking your hand out, you smiled politely at him.

“Same.” Shaking your hand with a firm grip, Sukuna could feel the difference in your palms. Yours was soft and nicely moisturized and he had callouses everywhere and a few cuts and scrapes.

Opening the door for you, Sukuna led you to the studio space he’d rented out. It was a clean and modern kitchen, not unlike his own, but it had appliances and looked actually lived in. Helping you set up a few camera angles, Sukuna felt a pang of nerves hit him in the stomach.

“Sukuna, can we take a picture together?” You asked before starting, and Sukunas brow furrowed deeply. Why would you want to take a picture with him? His expression must have scared you, because you quickly backtracked. “F-for promo for this video, on Instagram and stuff!”

“Sure.” God, did he feel bad or what. He shouldn’t have made that face at you, now you wouldn’t look him in the eye. Crouching down to get the right angle for you, Sukuna watched you pick a cute animal filter.

“Just do what I do.” Throwing up a peace sign, you cutely tilted your head from side to side and smiled. Sukuna tried to do the same but he looked awkward, and most of all he was blushing pretty bad.

You snapped a multitude of pictures, some at different angles and some with different filters, and in all of them Sukuna was blushing at least a little. He managed to smile more as it went on, even laughing at one of the filters.

“Thanks! I’m going to post these really quick and then we can get started!” Giving him a brief smile, you turned back to your phone and set about editing some of the pictures. Looking over your shoulder, Sukuna could see that he looked like a blushing high schooler meeting their idol for the first time and not a grown man.

Once the photos were posted and you tagged him in everything, it was time to start. Setting up your marks on the floor, you took a generous drink of water and cleared your throat.

“Are you ready for the intro? I’ll start it and introduce you, okay?” You’d actually prepared a script for yourself, and showed Sukuna as well.

“Okay.” Stepping in front of the camera, Sukuna bristled at feeling you so close to him. Your arm brushed his casually as you were fixing your shirt, and Sukuna was glad he’d worn his most expensive cologne for this.

“Hi everyone, welcome to today's video! As you know, I’m (Y/N), and today we have a special guest today!” Throwing your arms in the air, you motioned to Sukuna.

“Hi.” He nodded, barely cracking a smile. He could feel you looking at him like you wanted to say something, but he didn’t look.

“So, many people have been asking for us to do a collaboration and it’s finally here!” Clapping your hands lightly, you rocked on your heels and nudged his shoulder with yours. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?”

“Uh-” The playful nudge you’d given him was enough to make Sukuna short circuit. “I-I-” He suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak. “Rice?”

“Let’s try that again.” You laughed. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” This time, you didn’t nudge him with your shoulder.

“We’re gonna…” the words were on the tip of his tongue, they wanted to come out and be spoken but he couldn’t do it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Nodding reassuringly, you took a deep breath in and out, and Sukuna shakily copied. “One more try?” When he looked at you, Sukuna expected to see a hint of annoyance in your face, but there was none. You were just smiling softly at him, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll get it next time.” Stepping away from the camera, Sukuna took a drink of water and cleared his throat. Cracking the bones in his neck, he took a deep breath and came back. “Let’s do it.” No more fucking embarrassments.

“Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” You asked for the third time, slightly swaying your body side to side this time.

“We’re gonna make katsudon today.” Finally, the words he wanted to say came out.

“That’s right! As you can see, Sukuna is really fit!” You immediately hopped in, giving his arm a brief squeeze. “And he knows how to make a ton of healthy meals!”

“Mhmm.”

“So I asked if he could help teach me, and all of you at home, how to make it!” Smiling at the camera, you waited a few seconds before relaxing and turning it off. “Did you like that? We can refilm it if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” Running a hand through his hair, he pointed to the bag of rice he’d brought. “Let’s get started on this shit.”

Taking fifteen minutes to film the two of you filling up the rice cooker, when it was over, you set about getting aesthetic shots of the other ingredients. Sukuna tried to seem casual off to the side on his phone, but he was really watching you.

Getting started on chopping the ingredients, Sukuna somehow managed to say the things he was supposed to without stuttering too badly. He was amazed that you could make the things he was doing sound so interesting, your narration as you held the camera and tried to do things yourself was impressive to the man that barely knew anything about cameras.

“Sukuna, I need help cutting the meat.” You whined, tapping the meat on the cutting board with a knife. “I don’t remember how you showed me.”

“Here.” Without thinking, Sukuan grabbed your hand with the knife in it and moved it for you. “You just have to move your wrist more, it’s not that hard.” Doing it a few times, when Sukuna felt your chest expand with air against his, that’s when he realized how close the two of you were. “S-sorry.” Immediately jumping back, he stared at the floor.

“Thanks!” Giving him a smile, you kept at it.

“I’ll fry the meat.” Stepping in as soon as you were done, Sukuna already had the hot oil ready. He was eager to cook and do something with his hands instead of - what he felt like - was awkwardly watching you off to the side.

“Okay!” Grabbing the camera, you focused on the pan. “You’re really good at this, Sukuna!”

“T-thanks.” Staring directly at the pan, Sukuna didn’t look away. Even with the hot oil popping up from the pan a few times and burning his fingers, he didn’t flinch at all.

“Ow!” But you did. Your hand had gotten too close, and when Sukuna flipped the meat, some of the oil had gotten on your hand.

“Shit.” Abandoning the pan, Sukuna was ready to drag you over to the sink for some cool water.

“I-it’s okay, it was only a little.” Shaking your stinging hand, you point to the food. “But I think the meat might burn.”

“Shit!”

Narrowly avoiding disaster with the meat, when it came time to cook the eggs, you made a joke about how you liked your eggs in the morning and Sukuna burnt them almost immediately. While not an overtly sexual comment, the implications of the words still affected him.

Somehow, he managed to make the dish come together and while his plated dish didn’t come out the best, yours looked at least halfway decent with overcooked meat and burnt eggs. The only things not messed up were the rice and vegetables, and even then Sukuna was surprised.

“We did it everyone, we made katsudon!” Holding up the bowls, you smiled big and nudged Sukunas shoulder again. “You saw we had a few mishaps along the way, but that’s okay, that’s what made it fun.”

“Yeah, it was fun.” Sukuna chuckled. Despite him being more nervous than he’d ever thought possible, he had fun cooking alongside you.

“Sukuna, will you try mine? I made it super pretty and everything.” Holding your dish up to him, Sukuna wasn’t expecting you to do that. Now he felt bad that his looked so ugly and like a teenaged boy made it; he almost said no.

Eating yours though, somehow it tasted better than he was expecting. It must have been how you prepared it, and the fact that you cared so much about the presentation. Eating it in silence, he let you eat in peace as well for a few minutes and compliment the food to the camera.

“Alright, that’s the end of the video!” Putting your bowl down, you turned to Sukuna. “I had so much fun today, thanks for filming this with me.” Now was his chance to make everything better. Putting his bowl down and bolstering himself with confidence, Sukuna threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close to him.

“Thank you (Y/N), I really did enjoy today. I hope we can film again soon!” He squeezed your shoulder and smiled really big at not only you but the camera as well. He knew he was blushing, he knew that even the tip of his nose was a nice rosy shade, but he didn’t care. If people teased him for it, then so be it. But he wanted you to know how he truly felt.

“R-really? You want to?” You asked, looking up at Sukuna from your place smooshed against his body.

“Really.”

“Aww, well you heard it here first everyone! Sukuna wants to shoot another video with me!” Clapping your hands a few times, you waved at the camera. “Okay, bye everyone!”

“Bye.” Sukuna waved too, waiting a few seconds before letting you go and turning off the camera.

“Sukuna, did you really mean it? You want to film another video with me?” You were in utter disbelief. All this time, he’d just seemed very standoffish, if not a little awkward around you. You were happy to film this video with him, he had way more followers than you and it would help boost both your channels, and to hear him say that just made it even better.

“Yeah, I was serious.” Sukuna spoke around stuffing his mouth with the food he still had left. He was more hungry than he thought, the nerves doing a good job of twisting his stomach during the video. Now that it’s over, he can finally relax.

“That makes me really happy.” Eating the rest of your food as well, you leant against the counter. “This is gonna sound kind of mean, but I was really scared to film with you today. I thought you were going to be really mean.”

“Shit, you did?” He grimaced, letting out a sigh. “Sorry I had you worried.” He could already imagine the comments you would get from his fans.

“It’s okay! You’re actually way nicer in person, I was surprised!”

“That’s good.”

“And you’re really buff, you have muscles in places I didn’t even know were possible!” You laughed bashfully at that comment, and avoided looking at him when he stared at you in shock. “I couldn’t help but notice…”

Were you checking him out? Had you been checking him out this whole time and he didn’t even realize? He had seen you eyeing him up when you first met, but were you looking at him like that at other times as well? Now he’d really have to watch your video to see if it was true.

“Thanks, it’s my job.” Could he have said that any lamer? “My job outside of all this, I mean. I’m a trainer at this fancy gym downtown.”

“Oh, I’ve seen some of your videos at your gym! I know which one you’re talking about.”

“You do? You’ve seen my videos?” If he wasn’t surprised before, he was now.

“Yeah, you know I had to do a little research beforehand.” You nodded, beginning to clean up the dishes around you. “And I know you’ve already watched almost all of my videos, so it only seemed fair.”

Did you have to bring that up? Now Sukuna was embarrassed again.

“Y-yeah, I did.” Clearing his throat, Sukuna helped gather the dishes. He took up washing them, another task he could do to get his mind off you. As you took down the camera equipment, he nearly broke several dishes and utensils from scrubbing too hard.

“I’ll call you an Uber.” He said when all was said and done and you were back at the front of the building.

“You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

“No, I want to.” Quickly calling you a ride, Sukuna fiddled with his phone a little more. “Uh, could I- could I-” His voice kept leaving him, and he had to cough a few times. “Can I get your number? I really liked your camera shit and I want to improve mine.” Okay, it wasn’t a total lie. He did like your setup and wanted to make his just as good, but he really wanted your number to potentially talk to you more about things outside of Youtube.

“Sure! Go ahead and type it in.” You were quick to give him your phone, a cute pink phone case on the back of it. Typing it in, he can’t help but notice the little devil emoji you add by his name. He wants to ask, but your ride is already pulling up.

“Bye!” Setting all your camera gear inside the car, you turn and wave goodbye.

“See ya.” Just as you’re about to close the car door, Sukuna gets a burst of confidence. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay!” And off you go. Sukuna watches the car drive off until he can’t see it anymore. He takes his time getting to his own place, eagerly awaiting your message with every step. But even when you do message him, all he can do is send a thumbs up back and nothing else.

It’s about two and a half days after that that you text him again, letting him know you’re done editing and that you’re going to post the video soon. It wasn’t a very long video to begin with, so the editing was simple enough. Sukuna replied with what appeared to be a lackluster ‘can’t wait’, but on the inside he was shaking. He’d already screenshot all the pictures the two of you took together and added them to a folder.

“Here we go.” As soon as the video went live, Sukuna watched it. He was mortified as soon as it started at the blush so evident on his cheeks, and how it stayed throughout the whole thing. He groaned at the part where he helped you cut up the meat, he almost wishes you’d cut it out. Every little detail that made him embarrassed was there, every little nuance of his actions you’d managed to capture and make it cute.

(Y/N): How do you like it??

You texted him after twenty minutes, eager to hear his thoughts.

(Sukuna): it’s good, good editing and stuff

(Y/N): yay! I’m going to read comments in a few hours, you should too! I bet people will be really shocked!

(Sukuna): yeah no doubt

Oh, he was definitely going to read the comments. Whereas you were going to wait for a fair few to come in before commenting, Sukuna frequently refreshed the page and read the new ones as they came in. You were right, a lot of people were surprised, but he also saw a lot of his fans as well.

‘Ew Sukuna really cooked for that bitch? They can’t do it themselves?’

‘Yeah, why do they have to rely on him? Useless as fuck lol’

‘Sukuna only did this to get laid, (Y/N) looks like an easy fuck’

All of those comments, and many more, made his blood boil. Usually, he wouldn’t care at all about the comments, letting them fester in his comment section and spiral out of control. But for you, it was different.

‘Fuck off and die you pieces of shit. Leave (Y/N) alone or say it to my fucking face’

Sukuna sent that message, along with a variety of other threats, to all the people that insulted you. He didn’t care that this wasn’t his channel and that you would deal with it in whatever way you wanted to. He needed to defend you against the unwanted audience he’d brought you.

Luckily, after seeing Sukunas messages, all of his fans backed off. They knew how serious he was about his threats and there were many rumors that he actually did go and beat people up who said things he didn’t like. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of his torment.

With Sukunas name attached to the video and his heavy presence in the comment section, the video easily went viral. It was easily the most viewed video on your channel, getting on the trending pages of several different platforms.

(Sukuna): hey

It’s nearly a week after the first video that Sukuna messages you, and the hype is still going strong, and your follower count grows greatly from it.

(Y/N): hi! What’s up?

(Sukuna): do you want to film a video for my channel now? We can play a game, I have a few

(Y/N): sure that sounds fun!

Oh how wrong you were. The game Sukuna chose was a scary game, a shooter game with scary zombies and a lot of possible jumpscares. He doesn’t tell you either, so on the night of filming - he insisted on it being nighttime to get the full scary effect - you were caught off guard.

“I don’t know about this.” You whined once you saw the title. The two of you were video calling alongside playing the game together, and Sukuna’s eyes flicked to your figure on the screen.

“It’ll be okay, I’ll carry you, don’t worry.” He had started filming as soon as he’d set up the game, and you were filming yourself as well for him.

“You promise it won’t be too scary?”

“If it’s too scary just close your eyes and I’ll protect you.” Smiling softly at you, he started up the game. The beginning was fine, just a quick introduction to the game, but as soon as things started to get moving, you were scared.

“Sukuna a zombie is eating me!” You screamed, frantically pushing buttons in an attempt to get it off.

“It’s okay!” He quickly got rid of it, and made sure to stay close to your character as the story progressed.

“(Y/N) stay by me, there’s about to be a whole lot of them.”

“Close your eyes there’s about to be a jump scare here.”

“Don’t worry about getting that item, I’ll grab it for you!”

Sukuna nearly forgot he was being filmed, saying sweet things to you to help encourage you and make sure you weren’t overwhelmed. There were many parts where you screamed in fright and Sukuna was there to coo at you and tell you it was okay. He made sure that your character never died, making sure to keep you close until the end of the game.

“Sukuna, that was so hard!” Squishing your cheeks in your hands, you looked at him through your phone.

“It was fun though, wasn’t it? I had fun with you.” Completely abandoning the game, he stared down at his phone with a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, when there weren’t so many zombies.” You stuck your tongue out at him, and it made him laugh. Leaning his head into his hand, Sukuna grinned when you yawned.

“Aw, are you tired? Better go to sleep soon.” His voice dropped to a lower volume, like you were right next to him.

“I will.” You yawned again and it made Sukuna yawn as well.

“Get off the phone and go to bed, you’re making me tired too.”

“Fine.” Whining out the word, you waved sleepily. “Goodnight Sukuna, I’ll send you the video files in the morning, okay?”

“Night.” Waving back, Sukuna waited until you hung up to turn his stuff off as well.

In the morning, Sukuna was ready to edit. What usually took him a week to edit out of laziness, he took only a day to edit this video with you together. Rewatching the footage, he nearly gagged at seeing how soft his face got when he looked at you, and most of those parts were left in because he couldn’t stand to watch them and fix them.

(Sukuna): videos up

The next day, he messaged you. Once again Sukuna patrolled the comments, swiftly deleting any that said even a hint of a bad thing about you. There was less this time, what with Sukuna adding a warning at the beginning of the video threatening anyone that talked down at you.

This video, like the first, went viral. But for a much different reason. Since Sukuna was emotionally unable to deal with how sappy he was and edit those parts out, everyone got to see how soft he was for you. If the comments weren’t mean, they were screaming about how you and Sukuna must be dating now, because why else would he look at you and talk to you like that?

And much to Sukuna’s dismay, there were also fancam edits of you two together. Any clippable moment of him being sweet on you in the videos you’d made together along with the photos you’d posted on Instagram were edited together and posted on Twitter. You both were tagged in every single one, making sure Sukuna saw all the videos of you and him together. He saved all of them too, delighting in the way you looked with him with all those pretty filters.

By the end of the day, people were trying to put a ship name together for the two of you and he’s seen you repost a few fancams with cute messages of thanks as well. Seeing you receptive to the fans screaming about the two of you made him happy, even if he was still too nervous to text you about anything outside of Youtube.

As more comments came in, people on Twitter were begging him to do a vlog with you. You had quite a few on your channel, going to cafes or filming what your day or week was like. Sukuna had watched them all and was jealous of every single person that appeared alongside you.

(Y/N): hey I’m doing a live on Instagram if you want to join me! I know people really like us together lol it’ll be great for views

(Sukuna): sure

Did you want him to join now? He’d just gotten out of the shower and thrown on a pair of sweats, he wasn’t exactly decent. But he didn’t want to waste time getting ready only for you to end the live.

“Hi Sukuna!” You smiled and waved when he appeared on the screen.

“Hey.” He waved back, not caring about the angle he was holding the camera in. He saw hearts begin to fill up the screen and comments started to fly by, almost all in caps about the fact he was shirtless talking to you.

“Guys, don’t be weird! Who cares that Sukuna is shirtless?” You tried to stop them, but it was clear you were flustered as well. You weren’t looking at him, peeking at him through the screen a few times.

“God you’re all thirsty as fuck.” Sukuna finally looked at himself on the screen. He was shirtless and in bed, hair slightly damp and tousled on his pillow. Reading a few comments, he shot up. “Of course I’m wearing pants, you nasty fuck!” Storming out of bed, he stood in front of the only mirror in his house that wasn’t in the bathroom and turned the camera around. “See, look!”

“Oh.” Gasping softly, you were glad Sukuna didn’t notice you screenshot the live. Clad in only gray sweatpants, Sukuna’s freshly cleaned skin gleamed in the light of his bedroom and every single muscle and edge of his body was on display.

“There, told you I wasn’t fucking naked.” Rolling his eyes, he flopped back down on the bed. None of the comments had gotten any better, all of them talking about how hot he was and how you were so lucky to know him in real life.

“L-let's talk about something else.” You stammered, not showing your face on camera for a few minutes. Sukuna laughed at the comments teasing you for being embarrassed, agreeing with some of them under his breath.

“So, what the fuck are you all doing here?” Sukuna posed the question at the chat, but at you as well.

“Well before you came everyone was talking about you...and you know how everyone has been begging for us to vlog?” You started off slowly, peeking an eye at his face.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to call you to ask how you felt about that?” How he felt? Why did you want to know?

“You couldn’t have texted me that?” That wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to say, but it made you chuckle, so it was okay.

“No! I wanted to ask so everyone could know!”

“I don’t mind it.” If you wanted to vlog with him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“So…” Worrying your lip, you looked off camera for a few seconds before looking directly at Sukuna. “Would you like to be in a vlog with me, at a cafe? It’s outside the city, kind of far, but we can rent a car or-”

“Yes.” Sukuna interrupted, nodding his head quickly. “I’ll come. We don’t have to rent a car, I’ll drive.”

“Really?” The comments were just as shocked as you were. Sukuna never filmed anywhere but his home and the gym, this would be a monumental occasion.

“Did you want me to say no?”

“No!” You screamed immediately, nearly dropping your phone. “I just- I wasn’t expecting you to say yes!”

“Well I did.” Sukuna bit his lip, running a hand through his hair and flexing his arm. “So I guess it’s a date, huh?” His normal asshole confidence was back now that you were appearing through a screen and not right next to him. A surprised sound came from the back of your throat, and you nearly dropped the phone again.

“Y-yeah! A date!” It felt good to have you flustered for once and not Sukuna. Laughing heartily at you, Sukuna smirked at the comments.

“Was that all you wanted to ask me or was there something more?”

“No, that was it!”

“Alright.” Licking his lip and letting his tongue hang out of his mouth a little, Sukuna watched you bite your lip as well. “Well I’m gonna go, I got stuff to do, but I’ll text you later (Y/N).” Dropping his voice as he said goodbye, Sukuna left the livestream.

“Holy fuck.” As soon as his phone was off, Sukuna let out a breath he’d been holding in. His heart was pounding hard despite how confident he was in his actions. Flirting was nothing new to him, but with you it felt different and like he’d never done it before in his life.

He watched the rest of your livestream while he finished getting ready for bed, laughing at the comments still teasing you about getting flustered with him. The notifications for Twitter were going off as well, and he knew for sure that there were new fancams for him to check out later.

(Y/N): Sukuna!! You’re so embarrassing!

Texting him after your stream, your cheeks were still burning at the memory.

(Sukuna): hey, you said it would be good for views and it was

(Y/N): I know…

(Y/N): did you really mean it, about coming with me?

(Sukuna): of course. If I didn’t want to I would have said no

(Y/N): that’s good lol!

There was a lull in conversation, and Sukuna nearly fell asleep waiting for you to either text him again or for him to figure out what to say next.

(Y/N): so, a date huh? Are you going to bring me flowers?

Now he was awake. He didn’t expect you to bring that up again, and his eyes flew open. Sukuna’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, mind going blank on what to say.

(Y/N): lol just kidding! I know you only said that for the stream! I’ll text you later about the details, I’m about to knock out

(Y/N): goodnight :)

Well shit. Now he definitely wanted it to be a date.

[officialscaramouche]

Three is company— a gift for @ambers-glider ‘s fic here! I told y’all I’d get to writing today!!!!

EDIT: Tomo is the friend (Tomo is short for tomodachi which is friend in japanese)

pairing: Kazuha x Gorou x reader

tw: a couple curse words

wc: 2,178

You squatted around the fire with your colleagues, eating your food straight from the can. ���[Y/N]!” You hear your squad leader call out from his tent. You turn to look at what he wanted and note him standing with a messenger from the base of operations you just left. He waved what looked like a white flag. It piqued your interest, you had to admit, stretching out your legs with your can in hand.

“Yes, sir!” You salute, slapping your ankles together in form.

Your squad leader extended his hand, exchanging an open letter with you. “A letter. From the resistance,” he says simply. “From the second in command himself.”

It didn’t take the second sentence for you to know who it was. Of course, Kokomi was the leader of your resistance— all of you worked for her. But her second in command was none other than the tricky Gorou, known for his sly and mischievous ploys. “Thank you, sir,” you salute once more before dipping to tear into the letter.

It sucked that none of your mail could go through unopened, but it made sense considering that any one of you could be shogunate spies. It was a small price to pay for your cause, even if the letter was a bit personal.

[Y/N], it read. I hope this letter finds you well. After yours and Kazuha’s leave, I dove into my work to try and distract myself from the aching in my heart. Seeing many of my comrades fall in the recent ambush made me long for you more. I cannot ignore it much longer, so I have written to both you and dearest Kazuha in hopes that we may once again be reunited. We should all be returning to base in two weeks for the monthly review. Please find me there. I look forward to seeing you. Gorou.

“Oh?” A voice came behind you. “Everyone wondered what was going on between you and the shiba boy. I guess this proves true?”

You pulled the letter to your chest, scowling at the man who sat beside you. “Do you need something, sir? Why is my business important to you?”

He smiled, throwing an arm around you. “Damn, I was just curious!” You shook his arm off of you and turned your back to him. “I’m sorry that we have to go through your letters. But I’m sure you understand.”

You frowned as your eyes scanned the letter again. “I do,” you sigh. Bringing the letter to your nose and breathing in the scent. It smelled like otogi wood. It smelled like him. “But it does suck that everyone in command knows about my affairs.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind my asking.”

You peer over your shoulder and glare. “I do mind you asking.” You hissed.

The two weeks went by painfully slow. Your team was sent to do reconnaissance once more after the ambush that Gorou mentioned in his letter. While it wasn’t your team that was tasked with scouting that area prior to his arrival, it was your command team that got in trouble for it. Everyone was expected to do seamless work and the weight was on your team’s shoulders.

You double checked your field of observation; replacing your traps, checking the knots, and notating all of your activities. Signing off and turning in your report, you packed all of your equipment and belongings and darted out of the camp.

It was good to finally be back on base. All you wanted to do was get into your room and hop into the shower. You weren’t about to meet your exes sweaty and covered in dirt. You step inside and stop at the front desk. “Welcome back [Y/N],” the receptionist greets. “What number did you reserve?”

“Twenty three,” you slide over the key, lugging your duffel bag onto the table. You unzip the bag and fish for your personal belongings as the receptionist grabs your locker key. “I’m returning the reconnaissance pack and some gear.”

The receptionist scratches out your name on the clipboard and pulls the bag across the desk. “I heard you’re meeting with Master Gorou and Lord Kazuha.”

You slap your forehead with a groan. “Ugh, does everyone know?”

“Not everyone. I heard from Master Gorou himself. He told me to tell you he’d be in his office.”

“He’s here already?”

“Since seven this morning. He seemed rather eager to meet you.” The receptionist hands you the forms you signed to borrow the equipment. “Sign and date, please.”

You take the pen off the desk and begin to scribble on the document when the door slides open with a ding. “Oh, [Y/N],” a calm and melodious voice says. “What great timing!”

You shudder at the voice, turning slowly to confirm your suspicions. “O-Oh, hi Lord Kazuha…I just got back.”

The samurai walks up and places a hand on the small of your back. “Is Gorou here yet?”

“Yes,” the receptionist answers, taking the clipboard back from you. “He should be waiting in his office.”

“Great,” Kazuha smiles, grabbing your belongings off the desk and ushering you away with him. “Let’s go, shall we?”

You twiddle your fingers nervously as you walk. “I haven’t showered yet, my lord.”

“Oh that’s alright. I haven’t either.”

That wasn’t the point, you thought, reaching the elevator. “Well, I was hoping I could stop at my room and shower.”

Kazuha pushed one of the buttons on the elevator panel. “We’re already here, though.” You scratch your head and frown. “It’s okay,” he continues. “Master Gorou won’t mind.”

“Why do you smell like incontinence?”

You bury your face in your palms as you listen to Gorou and Kazuha speak. “Because I’ve been hiding in the trenches,” Kazuha laughs, opening his arms for a hug.

“You know I have a strong sense of smell,” Gorou whined as he embraced the samurai. “And [Y/N],” you look from between your fingers and notice the warm smile and faint blush on Gorou’s face. “It’s so good to see you too.”

The shiba boy walks up to you and pulls you into a tight embrace, his face nuzzled into your neck. “You’re stinky too.”

“Hey!” You shout, your hands reaching to wrap around him. “Kazuha didn’t want to stop at my room.”

Gorou pulls back and gazes into your eyes, his hand coming to cup your cheek. “That’s okay. I’ve been waiting around anxiously for both of you. Come,” he gestured, extending his arm out. “Please sit with me. I’ve got cookies and tea.”

Kazuha tucked his hands into his sleeves and grinned. He knelt down on the tatami pillow, sitting down on his knees and reaching for a cookie. You followed suit next to him, sitting back on your heels and taking the teacup from Gorou after he poured some tea. It was nice and light until Kazuha took a sip from his cup. “Why did you ask us to come here?” He said with a smile.

You stiffened at the question, your hair standing on end at the suddenly uncomfortable mood. You thought it was obvious why he arranged this meeting, but you guess that Kazuha wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

Gorou rubbed the back of his neck. “I mostly wanted to apologize,” he explained. “Whether or not you accept my apology is not my concern. But I do hope that we can agree to reconcile.”

“It’s very uncomfortable walking around after my superiors have gone through my mail,” Kazuha continued, closing his eyes as he sipped on his tea. “You could’ve at least been a bit more subtle with the delivery.”

“That was part of the problem, though.” The two of you watched and listened closely as Gorou spoke. When the three of you parted ways, it wasn’t on the best of terms. Being in each other’s presence was awkward enough as a result, but hearing him explain his side wasn't something that either you or Kazuha cared to understand. “Keeping both you and [Y/N] a secret was a problem to me. I understood that it would become a hindrance if people knew, but I couldn’t even hold your hand in public.”

Kazuha was silent as he spoke. Gorou and Kazuha had been a thing before you were introduced. But from the beginning you felt that things were tense between them. Being an outsider, the problem was more obvious than it was to them but it was something you felt they needed to work out. That’s why you left.

“And while it was okay for a bit,” Gorou continued, looking away as his words began to choke in his throat. “It was painful to love someone who didn’t even want to be called my ‘boyfriend.’ I don’t think you realize how embarrassing it is to say ‘oh, Kazuha’s my not-boyfriend because he doesn’t want to be tied down by titles.’ I understand that you don’t want a serious relationship but it felt like you didn’t care.”

“I was grieving,” Kazuha kind of snapped, his fingers curled into a fist. “Do you not understand that? My real boyfriend killed himself!”

“Am I not real to you?! Am I just your rebound to fuck and forget?! We are all grieving, Kazuha! We all loved Tomo! What about [Y/N], huh?! Is [Y/N] not real to you either?!”

Kazuha slammed his fist on the table. “Neither of you give a shit! Neither of you care about how I feel!”

Gorou stood on his feet, looking down at the man across from him. “Who was the person that begged you to stay, huh?! Throwing yourself into battle at every chance you got and then turning your back on me!! How dare you say I don’t give a shit!”

The three of you sat in uncomfortable silence after both men refused to say anything else. All you did was sit there and listen, not really feeling as if your opinion mattered. You weren’t in the relationship for very long anyway, why would you have anything to say?

Kazuha looked away from the both of you, while Gorou’s eyes focused on him. You sat with your hands in your lap, waiting for someone to say something. “What do you think, [Y/N]?” Kazuha said finally, not looking at you.

“Me?” You pointed to yourself. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters,” Gorou said, sitting back down and reaching for your hands. “You were a part of the relationship too.”

“I’m not sure though…it didn’t feel like I was.” Kazuha looked over his shoulder, his cheeks wet from tears he had been hiding. “I wasn’t even a part of the conversation. You left—” you said, pointing to Kazuha. “—and you ignored me.” Then pointing to Gorou.

You crossed your arms with a huff. “Kazuha didn’t even try to talk it out, and Gorou wasn’t patient enough. Neither of you had any care about how I felt. I don’t even think you guys care now! All you want is for me to agree with you and argue with the other! But you’re both wrong! We all loved Tomo, Kazuha. It’s not fair that you shut all of us out. And it’s also not fair to Kazuha to try and force him to get over it so quickly! Everyone grieves at different paces. Just because you’re more used to your friends dying doesn’t mean he has to!”

They were both silent again as your words soaked in. You were right, of course. Gorou thought about the things he said and how he could’ve done it differently. How he had pushed Kazuha away instead of helping. And Kazuha thought about how selfish he was being. He wasn’t Tomo’s only friend and he wasn’t the only one who cared about him.

Then the silence was broken. “I’m sorry.”

Both of the men turned to look at you with confused expressions. “Why are you sorry?” Kazuha asked, grabbing your hands and pulling you close to him. “It’s not your fault.”

Gorou came around and joined in the hug, wrapping his arms around both of you. “Yeah, [Y/N] it’s not your fault. We’re the ones who fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Kazuha pulled back, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “I’m the one who should apologize.”

“No,” Gorou shook his finger. “I said I was going to apologize first.”

“Well too bad!” Kazuha shoved a finger into Gorou’s chest. “I said it first!”

Gorou laughed, pinching Kazuha’s cheek. “No, [Y/N] said it first!”

You pushed them away from you and chuckled. “Now that you’re both feeling better, I was going to say ‘I’m sorry is what you should say to each other.’”

Kazuha tucked your hair behind your ear with a soft expression, before Gorou swooped in and peppered your cheeks with kisses. “Promise you’ll work on it?” You asked.

Gorou and Kazuha looked at each other lovingly, leaning in to kiss for the first time in a long time. “We promise.” They said at the same time.

[casualotptrash]

Why the Persona 3 FES vs Portable Debate Makes Me Want to Fly Into the Sun Pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Da da da daaa!

Part 3 of this lovely emotional rant is here, for anyone who wants to spend their time reading these. With the last two posts, I have mostly tried to be informative or just complain a bit about why this debate makes me want to fly into the sun, but for this post it’s going to go a little different. Perhaps a bit more subjective than the others.

In this post, I’m going to go over everyone's favorite clusterfuck...a definitive version of Persona 3.

Now, as we established in the previous post, we know that the argument of FES vs Portable is essentially pointless because everyone’s opinion on either game is subjective. However, I have neglected to bring up this topic that puts a huge ass nail into this dusty old coffin: the fact that there is objectively no definitive version of Persona 3.

Everyone can argue all day and night about which version of P3 is better, but no one can deny that either version are “definitive.” By definitive, I mean that the game has the most content that is offered, like Persona 4 Golden or Persona 5 Royal. The reason none of the P3 games are definitive is because base P3 lacks stuff from FES and Portable, FES lacks stuff fro Portable, and Portable lacks things from FES. It’s a gamble of whether you want to experience cutscenes, an overworld, and The Answer, or a whole new route with the FeMC and the brand new option of dating male party members and saving...you know who.

One might be able to say FES is definitive because it has The Answer, which I believe is considered canon according to the Arena games. Another could say Portable is the definitive version because it came out after FES, added the FeMC (who is technically canon as per the second Persona Q game), and removes The Answer (which a lot of people said The Answer messed with the core theme of P3). However, the definition of definitive in this case, and with all of the other games, is that the game offers the most content. Arguably, FES and Portable provide the same amount of content, just in different ways. This is why this whole conversation of which one is better, or which to play first, spawned in the first place.

The reason I am bringing this up in this post, about why this whole discussion physically pains me, is because having a real, definitive version of the game could finally put this discussion to rest. At least, it somewhat would. People would probably still argue that FES is the best for some reason.

Now, the argument becomes...well, what does a definitive version of Persona 3 look like?

I have seen quite a bit about this topic, and people seem to really miss some common sense points. For example, they get caught up in whether it would be considered a remake or a remaster. I know some use those terms interchangeably, but the “official” definition for each is that a remake is a game that is made from scratch, while a remaster is made by updating the existing assets and engine. For example, the upcoming Nocturne HD release is a remaster. Personally I find it difficult to neatly fit the typical persona definitive editions, like Golden and Royal, into either of these categories. It may just be me not fully grasping the differences between the two, but I believe they would fit into more of the “remaster” category. It is true that there are new assets and content being added to the game, but it’s so minor that I’m not sure it could be considered a remake. On the other hand, because new content is added it couldn’t just be defined as a remaster because typically the effects and such aren’t even changed that much. It’s just gameplay and story content that is tweaked.

When people get so caught up in what it would be considered, logic seems to...go out the window? For example, in a debate between a P3 remaster or remake, a person made a comment that if a remake was to happen then people would demand that all of the social links be available to anyone. Now, that just isn’t possible for a variety of reasons. There’s no way we could ever mix and match social links to get a preferred grouping. Another issue with this is that if just a remaster was made, then one of the two games would be left out.

This is why I don’t really think about whether a definitive edition is a remaster or remake, because using such strict labels make it harder to judge what could, or should, be in one. This is why I’m just referring to this process as making a definitive edition. That being said, I would consider a definitive P3 game to be more of a remake (not that it really matters) because my ideas would essentially combine FES and Portable, in a way?

So here we go, into my idea of what a definitive version of Persona 3 would look like. (Warning: This will contain spoilers for all of the P3 story and *gasp* may be a bit biased toward Portable because I like it more)

1. Presentation

In simple terms, I would want the game to essentially be Portable...but with updated graphics, cutscenes from FES, and an overworld. It’s easier to use Portable as a base because it’s already closer to the format of P4 and P5, so then adding in the good parts of FES with the cutscenes and overworld are par for the course. As far as graphics go, I would like the models and environment to look more like P3D (aka whatever engine they used for Persona 5?) because damn did the characters get a glow up.

2. Gameplay

Along with the format of Portable, I would also want the gameplay of Portable to be in this definitive version. That means no jealousy system, no fatigue until after you leave tartarus, the vision quest, and the other changes I mentioned in the first post. Sorry FES fans, but yes...I would still want the option of controllable party members. However, a new change that should be added is backup members earning exp. I don’t think baton passes or anything should be added, we don’t want a clone of P5, and the combo attacks in P3P kind of fill this role anyway. The idea of having social links give certain perks with ranks, like how confidants work in P5, is interesting but I don’t think it would be necessary. I would also say that the soundtrack should be exclusive for each side, like how it is in Portable, and that there should be an option to choose which skills are inherited.

3. Social Links

The stance I would take with social links would essentially be how Portable did it, but with a slight tweak. No matter how much it would be cool to date Rio or Saori as the Male MC, or vice versa with Kaz or Keisuke and FeMC, I don’t think any mixing of the two sides would really be feasible. However, I would love to see cameos of those characters in the opposing routes. For example, you see Yuko and Kaz in the female route, but in the male route you could see Saori and Rio at school. That being said, and this is probably one of the biggest issues, I would want the male protag to be able to have social links with the entire party, men included. This brings up the issue of what social links you would cut out because you can’t have two social links be the exact same arcana. Unless they want to add more arcanas to the game, which would probably not go over well either, the best option is probably to prioritize the male party members and then have who would usually be in their place just show up sometimes. For example, Kenji would show up in the social link with Junpei instead of the magician social link just being about one or the other.

I know this seems weird, but it does kind of avoid shafting one or the other. If it was too hard to fit the two together (such as Chihiro and Ken both being Justice), perhaps a few more school scenes could be added where the MC interacts with the school friends that are not seen as much (Kenji, Chihiro, etc.) However, and this might piss off 1% of people but whatever, but the moon arcana with Nozomi (Gourmet king dude) could just be completely taken over by Shinji. Nozomi is a meme, but he is not needed in any way. Also, I would prioritize Yuko in the male route over Koromaru since, although he is a very good boy, he is still a dog. Also, please get rid of the option that you’re forced to romance every girl in the male route, and personally I would say keep in the fact that you cannot date Junpei. In a headcanon sort of way, I totally dig the idea of the MC being able to help Junpei through his rough time after Chidori dies (if she dies?) and feelings grow from there, but from a story perspective I think it’s integral to his character that he friendzones the player if they try.

So TLDR; who the social link is about would mainly stay true to the original route (male route with Kaz, etc. and female route with Rio, etc.), however in the male route the party members would take priority (so Akihiko would take the star arcana place and Mamoru (track guy) would just be featured in the link sometimes), and in both routes Shinji would take Nozomi’s place as the moon. Important note that besides including the other character, the main substance of the social link shouldn’t be changed; aka they should not change the format of the social links to operate more like P5 social links where the MC is just solving all of their problems.

(Sidenote: This is imply my idea on how to include party members into the social links for the male route, however if they just decided to keep the social links the exact same as Portable with no male party member social links with the male route then I’d be fine with that too. It wouldn’t really take away from the game as a whole for me, personally.)

4. Romance Options

Riding off of the social link talk...and I know this is like the least likely option of happening, but please make some gay options Atlus? If we can romance every single girl in the male route, why not just add the romance option for the men too? Yes yes there’s the whole argument about the issue of “making everyone bi” (thanks for erasing sexuality that care more about connections rather than gender?), but I say look no further than how Dragon Age 2 did it. Every romanceable option in that game can be romanced be either the male or female main character (barring a DLC character who is only romanceable by females), and it works just fine. Turns out, no one really gives a shit if it’s “realistic” enough (aka only having one or no bi/gay people apparently?) because it’s a video game and people want to romance whoever they want...because it’s a video game. Even if you really, really don’t like this approach there is also the option of going the Dragon Age Inquisition route, where characters are able to be romanced by certain genders and not by others (race also plays a role in this in the game, since there are elves and other fantasy races and such, but this is not applicable to Persona obviously). This is simply a hypothetical example, but how this would work is that like Fuuka can only be romanced by the Male MC, Akihiko and Yukari could be romanced by either MC, and Mitsuru could only be romanced by the FeMC. Obviously social links specific to a run would be a romanceable option to the MC in their route (as in Yuko would only be romanceable by Male MC because she’s only in her run, and social links like Saori could be a romance for FeMC because she’s specific to her route). I have a gut feeling this would cause an even bigger uproar with the fandom, so having any romance option (barring route specific social links for the route they’re not in) be available for either male or female MC is the best option in my opinion.

Take out Ken’s romance option altogether though. I know some of the language is different, so it doesn’t say you “spend a long night together” or whatever, but that doesn’t really make it any better. I do think it’s fine if Ken has a crush on the MC, and maybe has a whole Kenji thing of thinking they are together cause he’s 10 and kids can be like that, but the MC wouldn’t actually act on this and the player could be given the choice to actively dissuade Ken. The only good thing that came out of Ken’s romance option was the fact that him and Akihiko can argue in Tartarus if you romance them both, and I don’t want to lose that hilarious dialogue.

5. Tartarus

Tartarus...uh...to be honest I’m not really sure what to do with this beast. It’s boring and tedious in the first place, probably by design for symbolism in the game, but I’m not sure how to make it interesting without copying the dungeon/palace format. Perhaps the blocks could be restructured to act more like a big puzzle that needs to be solved, like certain sections of palaces in P5, but also have bosses and shadows thrown in. For example, perhaps one block could be more reminiscent of hide-and-seek stealth tactics while another is formatted like a series of arena-esque gladiator fights. Also probably lower the number of floors you need to climb? It gets a bit ridiculous when you realize there are 264 floors of Tartarus and 99% of them are the same but just with more funky music and slightly different decorations. This job is suited for someone with actual video game making experience though, and not me.

6. Awakenings and Pacing

Let’s talk about some quick fixes to awakenings and pacing of the game. Now, since this is a definitive version and not a true remake, I wouldn’t want them to rewrite the entire story or something. Most of the party member’s original awakenings happen off screen, which can be kind of lackluster. The MC’s and Fuuka’s are the only two we really see, and those moments were really cool in my opinion. Obviously we wouldn’t see Mitsuru’s, Akihiko’s, or Shinji’s original awakenings, but that is fine. Yukari and Junpei also fall into this boat because Yukari awakens before the MC gets to the dorm, and it would be hard to show Junpei’s awakening while also having his whole “reveal” moment when he comes to the dorm to live there. I don’t know if it’s ever mentioned when Ken awakens to his persona, but making a scene to show both his and Koromaru’s would be helpful instead of just saying Ken has the potential and he’s joining, and hearing about Koromaru awakening but not actually seeing it. As for the pacing, I’m mainly talking about the summer time where you can’t hang out with a good number of social links. I would just change this so that you can hang out with school social links during this time more readily, like if they’re just hanging out somewhere in town if they’re not at school. Like I said, this isn’t a remake (and I’m not a video game designer) so I didn’t want to get into how to fix the overall pacing of the story, which can be pretty slow until October or so. My one suggestion is maybe adding in a few extra scenes with Strega before October so it’s not like we run into them a couple times and suddenly they’re a major villain.

7. Shinjiro

(Spoilers for after October) I know certain people will definitely not like this point, but I think the option to save Shinji should remain in the game (and Chidori too). I’ll go into this in another post, but my main reason for keeping this in is because some people really do like this option, so it would be kind of unfair just to get rid of it because other people don’t like it. However, I would suggest a change to his social link so that there is the option to save him or not while also being able to complete the social link. Perhaps after rank 10 would be when you could give him the pocket watch, so that people could get the rank 10 and not be forced to save him. 

8. Extra Content

(Spoilers for the ending of Persona 3 and The Answer) Each definitive version has extra content in the “third semester” (because Persona 4 and 5 both essentially end after December), but in Persona 3 the natural game ends in January. I am not sure if they would try to add another whole months or so on, but because The Answer already exists, but I assume they wouldn’t add extra content in February or something for the MC. For The Answer, I would keep this in the game as sort of the “extra content” but add a FeMC version of this. Obviously it would be largely the same, except with the FeMC and perhaps the male party members could get more of a focus since the female party members get a larger focus in the male route (ie. Yukari breaking down with the keys. Maybe Junpei or Akihiko could take on this role as the people who don’t want to let go). Also, as a possible new addition to The Answer, Shinji could be a part of it if he is saved during the main game. In the NG+ run of Portable FeMC route, if you romance Shinji he comes to the rooftop for that final scene, so in a way it could be possible for him to recover by the time The Answer happens in March.

Now, if Atlus decided to add a more typical “extra content” thing, I hope they wouldn’t try to cram The Answer in on top of that unless they were able to do it cohesively. It might be a lot to have the whole ending of the game in January, come up with a reason to have extra content in February (presumably with the MC still alive, but also combat would need to be a part so then the issue arises of Tartarus coming back or something?), and then have the answer take place right after near the end of March.

Well that’s the end of that I think. This will also be the last post in this little “series” because I pretty much went over everything about this debate that makes me want to fly into the sun. I know the things I talked about in these posts will probably never stop, but I really hope that if a definitive version comes out at least the discussion will change to saying what is good or bad about each game rather than FES supremacy or whatever. That being said, above all I really hope this debate doesn’t discourage new fans from Persona 3 or the series in general, because that would probably be the worst outcome from all of this. It’s a great game, and it’s a shame that the game itself is kind of held back by being split into two (I’m not counting base Persona 3) different forms.

[sineala]

Captain America: Patriot

This isn't really an organized meta post or review so much as a few half-finished thoughts I wanted to get out after I read a Cap miniseries a few weeks ago that I can't really stop thinking about, because it had a scene that really stuck with me and that I think we could use more of in current comics and also with Steve, because even though it was a relatively recent mini it wasn't about Steve.

Captain America: Patriot is a 2011 miniseries about the third Captain America, Jeff Mace. For those of you who are more familiar with the MCU, I should probably explain something about 616, which is that Steve Rogers' identity as Captain America was not public during the war; it wasn't public until after 9/11, although generally his fellow superheroes knew. This meant that when Steve died -- well, as far as the Allies knew -- during World War II, what they did was conceal Captain America's death entirely. So they started putting other men in the Cap suit. It's important to note that none of these people were super-soldiers or superhuman in any way. They just wanted to keep morale up by making the world believe that Captain America was still alive. (Also Bucky. There are a bunch of Buckys too.)

The second Captain America was a guy named William Naslund, and he fought alongside what remained of the Invaders for about a year before dying in battle -- see above, re: not actually a superhuman. Coincidentally, Jeff Mace happens to be the guy who finds him on the battlefield, and Naslund actually dies in his arms.

Now, Mace isn't superpowered, but that doesn't mean he's not a superhero. Previously a Daily Bugle reporter, he decides to put on a costume and fight injustice as the Patriot, backed by the All-Winners Squad, which is how he manages to be around a battlefield to find Naslund dying.

And then basically the government says, "Hey, would you like to be the next Captain America?" and Jeff Mace here, despite having no superpowers whatsoever (there is in fact a plot thread about how he's the only baseline human on the All-Winners Squad and is worried about keeping up) and knowing that the last guy only lasted a year... well, he says yes. Of course he does.

But that's not really the part of this miniseries I want to talk about.

No, what I want to talk about is the subplot involving Jeff's friend Jack Casey. They were coworkers together at the Bugle before the war; Jack was a photographer and then served in the Navy during the war, took some great photos of him as the Patriot that made it into Life magazine, and so on. And then Jeff finds out that Jack was discharged from the Navy and committed suicide. He tells his superhero friends he'll go to the funeral and give a eulogy for him as Captain America.

And they say, no, Jeff, you can't do that. And when he asks why, they say it's because Jack was blue-ticketed.

A blue-ticket discharge can mean a lot of things (as Jeff points out while trying to wrap his mind around this), but it's pretty clear from context here that Jack Casey was gay. ("Did he ever have a girlfriend?" asks the Whizzer.)

Jeff says that it doesn't matter, that he's going to the funeral anyway, that he doesn't care if they take the Captain America uniform away from him.

The rest of his friends tell him he can't do that. Because the rest of the world is a terrible and homophobic place, he needs to remember that he's not the only Captain America, and if he does this, he'll destroy the world's trust in any Captain America who ever comes after him, or the ones before him. They point out that people will lose all respect for Captain America.

So he goes as the Patriot. His original identity. He lets the world keep respecting Captain America, and he sacrifices the identity that is actually his, and his dead gay friend gets a very touching eulogy.

Afterwards, he puts his Cap uniform back on, and hands his old Patriot costume to Torch to burn.

And then Namor, of course, tells him he is stupid: "Your loyalty is admirable, Mace, but clearly you've killed the Patriot and gained nothing in return! No opinions were changed, no legacies redeemed -- no mark left of any kind!"

This is when Jeff Mace demonstrates that he is truly the ally we all need and PUNCHES NAMOR RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE, breaking his hand in the process. (The new Bucky has to help patch his hand up.)

Right. So that's a thing you can read in a comic.

And mostly I just wanted to mention it because I keep thinking about it, both because I think it's absolutely what Steve Rogers would have done if it had been him in the uniform instead, and also because it demonstrates a really heartening amount of -- I don't know what to say, solidarity, maybe -- that I feel like I don't see in comics a lot these days. There's something really nice in knowing that Captain America would stand up for people like you, you know? (Especially when you, say, read Marvel #1000 and find that Waid's Cap speech was edited to make it less overtly political.)

We all know that Steve has demonstrated nothing but respect and affection for his queer friends and teammates, as far back as the storyline that introduced Arnie Roth, Steve's childhood best friend, way back in 1982 in Cap #268. Despite the fact that no one in this comic is actually allowed to say the word "gay" (ah, Comics Code, how I don't miss you!), Arnie is definitely gay, and at one point Steve explicitly compares the relationship Arnie has with his, ahem, roommate Michael, to the love he feels for Bernie, whom he's dating at the time. So that was also nice.

(Steve also has canonically gay teammates from World War II -- Brian Falsworth (Union Jack) and Roger Aubrey (The Destroyer) were a couple, but this was retconned into canon much later so to the best of my knowledge we never see Steve interact with them as gay characters during, say, the 70s Invaders series.)

Spencer's recent run actually gave us a few more glimpses at queerness, even if Steve wasn't really himself. There's a panel of Sam on a Pride float, and longtime sidekick Dennis Dunphy (D-Man) actually came out, but, of course, we don't know what the real Steve thinks about that, or if he's ever gone to Pride.

So at that point I was getting kind of frustrated, because, I mean, yes, Marvel has plenty of actually canonically queer characters elsewhere and I love them too, but it would sure be nice to see that Captain America stood for me too once in a while, you know?

The most satisfying recent issue I can point to is Tini Howard's recent Cap annual. It's a World War II-set story about Steve and Bucky helping out some injured people in need of assistance, and one of them eventually confesses that he's gay, expecting that Steve won't still want to help him and of course Steve does. It's really, really sweet, but I feel that it lacks the immediately extremely public stance that Jeff was unhesitatingly willing to take for his friend, knowing that people would hate him for it, which I think is part of why the Patriot miniseries keeps sticking with me. Steve's support here was very nice, but it was also... very quiet. No one else is going to know, which is not the case for what Jeff was willing to do and for what he eventually did.

Plus, Jeff got to punch Namor in the face.

So I guess I just keep thinking that I want more of... that. I want Marvel to write Steve standing up and just doing the right thing, dammit, even if it's the unpopular thing -- the essence of no, you move, I guess, and I think maybe these days they're... not.

Anyway, yeah. Captain America: Patriot. I recommend it.

[gwilymay]

beer bottle blues ➳ (one-sided Brian May x OC)

❅ a "spin the bottle" au of @benhaardy 's "pretty girl" fic - Iris is not my OC!

warnings: one or two instances of swearing, suggestive language, smoking and drinking (lol idk)

word count: 1.7k

A/N: I was reading my old fics trying to get ideas and I as I read the last thing I wrote about a year ago, it reminded me a lot of my friend's (tagged above) fic. so to start out writing again, I decided to kinda rewrite the older fic into this newer one as an au of her fic. I mostly wrote this at 1am and I barely edited - enjoy, hopefully it doesn't suck too bad... the title is already bad lmaooo

also, if you don't know who the oc is, her bg, etc., it won't matter too much but if you want to read more of her go to the tagged user above!

→

“Thank you,” Deacy finished his speech with a raise of his glass. He smiled and motioned to Brian, who was due to read next. “And now, if you’ll have Brian May continue on telling you another part of the story.”

Everyone clapped and cheered loudly. Brian took the mic from Deacy and waved to the guests. “Uh, good evening!” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He caught Iris’s eye, then Roger’s, and as the memories flooded into his thoughts, the words left his tongue.

⇜

“Ok darlings, we leave tomorrow! Let’s make the most out of now, shall we?” Freddie exclaimed, his band mates filing in through the door.

“I don't even get why you have to leave. Why not just record back at the old studio?” Iris asked Brian as they walked into the living room. They sat on the couch, and Brian took his hands in hers. “I’m sorry, love. Our deal with that studio ended, and besides, Freddie wants time away for some ‘inner peace’.” He squeezed her hands. “Don't worry - Mary will keep you company. You’ll both be missing our kisses, I’m sure,” he joked.

Iris gave a sad smile. “It's just… I’ll miss you so much.” Brian knew she was sincere, but for a second, she glanced at Roger, and her eyes betrayed her deeper thoughts.

Of course.

Before Brian could comfort her, to prove that he was better than Roger, that he could be everything she ever wanted, Romeo jumped up and nuzzled Iris, who smiled and lovingly stroked his fur, letting go of Brian’s hands. Brian internally sighed. It seemed as if, as hard as he tried, he could never replace Roger for Iris.

He leaned back into the couch, silently contemplating. Deacy ventured into the kitchen and returned with an unopened beer bottle, which Freddie grabbed and downed in a second. After thanking a confused Deacy, Freddie clapped his hands together and sat down elegantly on the floor, placing the bottle down in the middle of the rug. “Come, sit with me, my darlings!” Everyone followed, Iris being last. Brian held her hand - he knew she was worried. Iris just stared at nothing in particular, a blank expression on her face. Brian gently squeezed her hand again, snapping her out of her haze. She looked up at him and smiled, but he could tell something was wrong. She wasn't usually like this - the Iris he knew years ago was loud, sarcastic, badass. The Iris now… she was quiet and sad, and always lost in thought. Whenever she was asked if something was up, she’d dismiss it and say she was “just tired.

But he knew it was probably about Roger.

Brian couldn’t forget about their past feelings for each other - none of their friends could. Roger made her laugh and cry, made her love her life then hate herself again and again. Brian even thought she still loved him.

Iris leaned her head on his shoulder, and Brian made himself push his thoughts away. He had to be strong, even when she wasn't. For Iris. For them.

“Everyone ready?” Freddie asked. “Ok, who wants to go first?”

Deacy raised his hand. “Um, what exactly are we doing?” Freddie looked at him with his “are-you-serious” expression on his face. “What a stupid question. What does it look like?”

Everyone blinked. Freddie sighed. “It’s spin the bottle, you pricks, and whoever you spin on has to spend seven minutes in a room with you. Now I’m asking, who wants to go first?”

No one moved. Roger looked around the circle, and when he saw that no one else volunteered, of course, he did.

“Calm down Rog, the girls here aren't for you,” Freddie joked, to which Roger rolled his eyes at, “but maybe you can teach Deacy a thing or two.”

Avoiding a swat from Deacy, a grinning Freddie passed the bottle to a glaring Roger, who rubbed his hands together before he spun it. He took one last glance at the whole group, then twisted his hand to spin the bottle.

Brian looked at Iris, who was biting her lip in worry. To her relief, it didn’t land on her.

It landed on Brian.

“Shit,” Brian whispered.

Roger looked up at him, wide-eyed. Mary pursed her lips, trying not to laugh. Freddie jokingly winked at Brian, reached over behind Mary, and slapped Roger on the back, grinning. Deacy just smiled and shook his head. “At least it wasn't me!”

Freddie led the two men to the closet under the stairs and slammed the door shut. Once the door clicked closed, everyone burst into laughter.

“Well…” Roger said awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. Thankfully, though, the closet was a large storage closet that didn’t have much stuff in it. Roger backed up to make more room for the tall Brian, and they both sat on the floor.

“So how’s it been?” Roger asked him, his usual cool expression back on his face. Brian didn't know what to say. He wanted to hate Roger, for causing Iris so much pain, for being so perfect that Iris couldn't give anyone else as much love as she had given him. But alas, there they were, forced to talk in Freddie’s stupid closet for seven whole minutes.

“Brian? You there, mate?” Roger waved a hand in front of Brian’s face to get his attention.

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Brian cleared his thoughts again. “It’s been ok. Iris and I are going to be seperated, with our recording of the new album, though, so that’s a bummer.”

“Aww, you’ll be fine,” Roger exclaimed, patting Brian’s back, his hand lingering there for a moment before coming back down to pull a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it, placing the other end between his teeth. He leaned back on the wall, chin tilted slightly up as he took a drag. Brian just sat there. “Um… what about you?”

Roger just smiled, small and sly. “Nothing interesting, maybe a few fun nights here and there but other than that, no.” He took another drag.

Brian smiled but shook his head. “Same old Roger,” he teased. He looked back at Roger, whose expression changed. Suddenly Brian regretted what he said. “Sorry. It’s your life. I shouldn't have-” Roger held up his hand, silencing Brian.

To his surprise, Roger wasn't angry. Instead, he had a sad smile on his face, similar to Iris’s earlier. “It’s ok. I know the rest of you think of me that way. And, well you're not wrong.” He let out a long sigh, smoke escaping from his lips. Hesitantly, he continued, “Ever since I broke up with Iris, I’d had nothing. No one. So, I went back to my old habits. Girls, parties, smoking, buncha shit like that.

“I missed her like hell - if I’m being honest, I still do. God, I care for her a lot… A-and I know you’re with her,” he quickly added. “You probably think I hate you, for dating my ex.”

Surprised, Brian started to talk, but Roger shushed him once more. “But… I chose to let her go. I let her go because I knew I couldn't be good for her. I know she hates me. But she’s better off now, right? She’s with you. You're a much better partner for her, someone more reliable, trustworthy, loyal… and I’m glad it was you she decided to love again. So, um, thank you. Take care of her for me. Promise.”

Roger looked up at Brian, with so much sincerity in his eyes that Brian realized he couldn't hate him. He just wanted what was best for Iris. They both did.

Brian opened his mouth to say something, to tell him thank you, that yes, he would take care of Iris, but the door burst open and Freddie walked in. “Alright darlings, it’s been seven minutes!”

Roger got up first, smoothing down his shirt as if the last seven minutes didn't happen. Brian absentmindedly followed suit, lost in thought. During the questionably long walk through Freddie’s house from the closet to the living room, Brian tried to make sense of what Roger had told him. Was it true? Or was Roger just messing with him? Is he really that big of an asshole? To admit that he still cared for his ex, but also made Brian promise to take care for her instead of him, made Brian feel even more guilty for hating Roger.

Then as quickly as he processed everything, they were back in the living room.

Brian’s eyes immediately darted to Iris, who was staring at something behind him.

It was, of course, Roger.

Trying to forget everything running through his head, Brian sat down next to Iris. He managed to whisper a “Hey, love,” before Freddie’s voice filled the room once more, picking Deacy as the bottle’s next victim.

As Deacy span the bottle, Brian looked back at Roger, who was also looking at Iris, pain visible in his eyes. Suddenly, Roger looked up at Brian, and after a long, seeming endless sad gaze, looked back down at the bottle.

And Brian knew what he had to do.

⇝

Brian snapped back to the present. He felt painful tears in his eyes, but blinked them away quickly as he told the audience about the party and how Iris and Roger fell in love again after years of being apart, not even mentioning his history with Iris.

Because he didn’t want them to know the truth. An important turn in their lives - maybe even the most important - that led to everything that happened after that party. As he finished, handed Freddie the mic, and sat down, he decided to reflect on what really happened.

⇜

Not knowing that Brian was observing her, Iris kept glancing at Roger fricken Taylor, the person who captured and broke Iris’s heart, leaving Brian with small remnants of what was once there.

She still loved him. He could see it in her eyes. She looked like a teenager again. Iris Marchesi, the broken girl whose first love left her behind. Iris Marchesi, whose feelings never faded away.

And neither did Roger’s.

And that’s something Roger would have to tell her himself.

But for that to happen, Brian would have to let go of Iris.

And because he loved her, more than she would ever love him, he did.

He let her go.

←

A/N: yikes um i'm sorry if this sucked and barely had a plot pls don’t bully me

[faketextstuff]

The Arrangement Part 2 - The Introduction.

Summary:: You've never imagined yourself being a sugar baby but because of some playful friends and a stroke of luck, you find yourself with a man who is apparently willing to give you the moon and stars. The only problem is, no strings attached. Don't catch feelings, don't fall for a man who thinks money can solve all your issues and doesn't want commitment.

Warnings: None this chapter. Sensitive issues, Eventual Smut, Cursing.

You felt your heart hammering away against your rib cage after reading the last few text from your best friend. Your phone dropped to your lap and you swore your palms were going to start sweating.

A part of you wanted to get up and run for the exit. You almost didn't want to believe the texts from your friend who said the man approaching you was in fact, good looking. Do good looking men need a site to find willing sugar babies? Fuck, did you even want to be a sugar baby? No! You mentally screamed. This was just coffee.

Even though you keep telling yourself that you would never be a man's play thing, the idea of having someone "spoil" you was mighty intriguing. In all of your relationships you never once had a man spoil you or buy you anything nice. You were always the giver that ended up cheated on, verbally abused and left mentally drained. Maybe for one this would be a nice change. To let someone else take care of you in ways you had never known.

However you were not one to freely give up you were not one to give up your body for a few fancy things. Your morals were in conflict with your mind. You were so lost in thought that you didn't even notice the chair across from you being pulled out and occupied.

"You're thinking about running, aren't you?" A deep voice pulled you from your thoughts causing you to jump back in your seat, your eyes widening to the size of dinner plates as you gawked at the man across from you.

Your jaw fell a bit slack as you drank in the sight before you. This couldn't be him could it? He had to be no more than early to mid twenties, he had what seemed to be, dyed white-ish silver hair, with a very boyish yet handsome face. His dark eyes were shadowed by the baseball hat that sat pulled down lowly on his head.

A black mask sat nestled right below his chin and his attire was completely different from that of what you had pictured. He was dressed in casual clothes, a black leather jacket that matched your own, a loose fitting white shirt under it, and dark blue jeans. Hell, his style actually made it look like the two of you planned a couple's outfit. He was beautiful. There was no doubt to that. This couldn't be him! No way in hell!

As you gaped in shock, his lips curled up into a small cute gummy smile. "What?" He asked knocking you right out of your own thoughts.

"I'm sorry." You blushed while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You hadn't meant to stare but you just couldn't help it. "I'm waiting for someone." You spoke up in a soft polite manner.

The man's smile widened as he leaned his elbows against the wood table top. "I'm the one you're waiting for, Babygirl." He whispered in a soft voice, giving you a wink. "I have to say, Your profile picture on the site didn't do you proper justice, you're much more beautiful in person, Y/N."

Holy shit! You mentally screamed. This was him! How could a man this young possibly need with a sugar baby!? "Y-You're the one who messaged me?" You blinked a few times.

"Yup. I'm obviously not what you were expecting, judging by that look." He chuckled lightly before leaning back in his seat, his arms crossing loosely over his chest. "I can't tell by your expression if this a good surprise or bad surprise."

"It's a good surprise." You found yourself blurting out, "I mean...you're a lot younger than I was imagining." Your face had to be as red as an apple by this point. You were almost ashamed by your confession.

Chuckling once more the man shook his head, cocking it slightly to the side. "I get it, most women think all Sugar Daddies are old men looking for a hot young thing they can play with. They give the rest of us a bad rep." He shrugged casually.

"Why are you on a Sugar Daddy site to begin with?" You found your voice, eyebrow shooting up and giving a head tilt of your own towards the man in front of you.

"It's simple," he stated, his tone causal and nonchalant as he spoke coolly, "I'm a very busy business owner who travels all over the world at the drop of a hat. I'm stupid rich and have no problem spending my money on people or things I want too. I don't need a clingy girlfriend who is going to hang on my every move. I don't want a woman who will try to entrap me by marrying her. My love is my job and I don't know about you, but I don't see a lot of girls taking kindly to being number two in a relationship." He explained carefully.

You did understand that, as a woman if you were in a committed relationship you would had to know you're always going to number two and will never have your love's full attention. "I get that."

"Even if I don't want the commitment that a full relationship brings, I do miss companionship and the physical aspect of being with another person. I need a professional at my side, a person who is willing to be on my arm at big work events that wont expose me or my dirty secrets to the media. As a professional I treat this like a business deal. A girl on my arm and on the rare occasion "in my arms" in exchange for a lavish lifestyle and everything she could ever need."

Unable to stop yourself, your nose crinkled at the mention of "in my arms". "I don't think I'm your girl, sir." You sighed shaking your head. "It sounds, amazing, if I'm honest. I mean who wouldn't want a lavish lifestyle and be on the arm of a handsome man like you, but I don't do sex for money. I'm sorry."

At your comment, his smile returned and he leaned across the table, reaching out to take your hand. "That's why your my ideal girl. I'm so busy, sex is far off and not very often. Like a said, I love to spoil people. Also for some reason, the fact that you're not eager to jump into it makes you more appealing. I've had a few girls who didn't even hesitate before signing the contract not realizing I wouldn't be at their beck and call every hour. While I want to spoil you and treat you like the queen you are, I need a girl who wont be upset that I'm not at her feet twenty-four-seven. A woman who can be independent while being at my beck and call. When I call, you answer." His hand gave yours a gentle squeeze that caused your stomach to do flips.

"I still don't see how I can help you. Being at your beck and call, I have a life too." You sighed, gently pulling your hand from his grasp. "It's a tempting offer, believe me but I'm not a sugar baby, I don't know the first thing about big business or fancy galas. I'm a waitress at a shit hole restaurant who lives one step away from poverty. While I'd love to actually be spoiled for once in my life and not be the one taking care of everyone else, I couldn't sleep at night knowing you were paying me to do everything a friend could do. Plus you haven't even given me your name. How do I know you're not a scam artist who pulls innocent young girls into a web of lies and false hopes?"

"Call me Suga." He spoke up, his dark eyes boring into yours.

"Suga? Really?" You bit back a chuckle of amusement. "Well, no matter what, I'm not your girl. I'm sorry you wasted your time on a dead end like me." You sighed with a shake of your head. "This just isn't me." You added as you grabbed for your small black purse and went to rise from your seat.

"Give me a week." Suga stood up along with you. Clearly he wasn't one to take no for an answer. "Give me one week to show you the life I'm offering. Let me spoil you for one week and if this still isn't your thing I'll leave you alone for good."

"I just gave you coffee, well--almost gave you coffee, you said coffee and that's it if I say no." A huff escaped your lips before you turned to leave, your head held high as you were determined to stick to your morals. "So we can order some coffee and go our separate ways."

Suga bit back a smirk as he watched you make your way towards the counter to make good on your coffee promise. No wasting any time he followed you confidently. He had never had a woman flat out refuse him the way you just did after he made the offer, this was refreshing to him and only made him more determined to break down your resolve.

Before you could even make it to the counter he stopped you by grabbing your wrist gently. "What do you have to lose for just one week if you're so close to poverty, like you said? Sign a contract with me for one week of dinner, dates, and the work event I mentioned. No sex, just a simple contract."

"Why would I need a contract?" You frowned.

"It's mostly to protect my business and fellow employees. We can't afford a scandal, and it's to protect you."

You jerked your wrist away and placed your hands firmly on your hips. "Fuck, you're persistent." You sighed with a roll of your eyes. "Protect me from what?"

Suga placed a hand on your shoulder and lead you up against the wall and away from anyone who dared to listen in on your conversation. "Former girls who didn't take it well when I ended the arrangement, other men who would try to get company secrets from you unknowingly, protect you from me forcing you to pay back every dime I spent on you. My lawyer is very thorough when it comes to protecting both of us."

It did make sense. You couldn't imagine having to pay a rich person back for even a cup of ramen, your bank account was close to pocket change, and you hadn't been able to pay your bills in a month, no matter how many extra shifts you took up at the restaurant. "If I agree to this now, what if I change my mind later?"

You almost smiled as Suga's eyes lit up with a spark of hope. "Come to my office and read over the contract. You can see for yourself. You can edit and revise things that aren't yo your liking if you see fit. I don't know why, but you stood out above all the other girls I saw. I want to take a chance on you. A week is all I'm asking to get to know you. Seven days and if you don't like what I'm offering, you'll never hear from me again."

You fell silent for a moment, his words playing in your mind like a broken record. One week, seven days. What could seven days hurt? Hell, you knew you could sorely use the money. We're your morals more important than your lively hood? Of course! However, no sexual favors had to be preformed, no strings attached. Just date him for seven days and get paid hopefully enough to pay your rent for another month. "Where's your office?"

[cajunroe]

speirs x malarkey + baseball!au (sports writer!speirs + mlb player!malarkey) ↳ the one trait that people often considered to be ron’s downfall was his honesty. brutal and to the point and, worst or best of all, depending on who you were, often entirely true. and he had no problem with addressing someone’s shortcomings. which is why the publishing company he works for, assigned him to cover the sports section. with million dollar contracts, scandals, alleged drug use, and everything in the high stakes world of professional athleticism, ron was never afraid to call out all the bullshit. he was ruthless, precise, efficient, and detailed. in a profession where truth matter above everything else, he thrived. he often received scathing letters and threats but they always found their way to his junk mail or the trashcan, none of them holding any merit. however, after a particularly critical column on boston’s new pitcher, he gets something he never expected. the pitcher storms into his office and demands an explanation. ron would’ve had the wherewithal to be upset, if he wasn’t so damn impressed. and a little bit attracted to the redhead yelling at him. and that’s what really ended up surprising him. 

ron was working on editing the other writers’ column when the door to his office slammed open.

“you have some fucking nerve man!”

ron looked up and saw boston’s newest pitcher, red faced and angry, standing before him.

web ran into the office, “ron you need security?”

ron shook his head no, “it’s okay web, please close the door on your way out.”

web stood uncomfortably for a second before following ron’s order.

“how can i help you, mr. malarkey?”

the man scoffed and ron tried to hold in his laughter.

“you can help me by telling what the hell this is about!”

don slammed today’s newspaper onto ron’s desk.

ron looked between the paper and the pitcher.

“it’s a newspaper, people often read in to stay current with issues and culture in today’s world.”

the man looked at ron in absolute frustration and ron shouldn’t have found it as attractive as he did. 

and yet...

“very funny smartass,” don sighed, “why did you write it?”

ron shrugged, “because it’s my job.”

don sat down without being offered a seat and leaned heavily on ron’s desk.

“it’s your job to tear down and criticize every little thing about me?”

ron looked to don and the open and vulnerable expression on his face made him want to reach out and touch.

he cleared his throat, “it’s my job to report the truth and the truth is that you’re holding back and not playing to the best of your ability. you’re bringing the team down.”

don looked genuinely hurt before becoming angry again. 

he pushed the chair back as he stood.

“and what the fuck do you know about the team? about how i play?”

ron smiled, a little smug but mostly polite.

“you’ve been in the minors for four years. you been pitching one hundred and four mile per hour fastballs since high school. yet last night you barely reached eighty-none. you’re single, no children, no significant other, boy or girl.”

don’s eyebrows rose and eyes widened at that.

ron continued, “you have a dog named cat, your best friend’s are the first baseman, alex penkala, and the catcher, skip muck. you are good friends with the rest of the team since most of you playing in the same minor team. you play like you’re afraid of being good. like if you play too well from the start, you’re bound to fail sometime and you’re someone who doesn’t take failure easily. so rather than risk a possible screw-up of decline in performance, you choose to play at a mediocre level rather than at the elite level you can. am i close?”

ron watched don take in everything he’d said, enjoying the shift of emotions dance across his face. it was a sight to behold.

don sat down heavily in the chair again.

he looked at ron for so long, without a word, than it began to make ron uneasy.

“you’re kind of creepy when you do that.” don’s eyes were shining with a light mirth, anger having shifted to awe.

ron’s shifted his eyes back to his laptop, “so i’ve been told.”

“but you’re right.”

ron’s hands stopped typing, silence filling the room.

“what?” ron asked incredulously.

“i said you’re right. i am...i am afraid of eventually not being good enough. of stretching myself too thin too quickly. or losing everything i’ve worked, basically my entire life, for.”

ron studied the man before him. in all his years of doing this, no one he’s criticized has ever admitted that he was right. it made ron’s breathing shorten, the man’s sturdy build, bright smile, warm eyes, and red hair, of course had nothing to do with it. maybe.

“i can understand the fear, but would you rather have a long career of being average or a possibly short career of being exceptional? you can be one of the greats, don. you just need overcome your fears, or at least fight them. everyone is scared of failure, but you can’t let it control you.”

ron smiled, trying to make it assuring.

don stared at him for a long moment, ron took it all in instead of fighting against it.

“dinner.”

ron looked at don in question.

“what?”

don blushed and ron swallowed hard. everything about this man, including his anger was somehow becoming endearing to ron.

“i m-meant to say, have dinner with me...please.”

ron smiled, “okay.”

don looked surprised either by how fast his response was or by the fact that his response was yes.

“okay? okay. great. i’ll pick you up from here around eight?”

ron nodded, “it’s a date.”

don blushed again and nodded before making a hasty exit through ron’s office door. 

web came back in not a minute later, “what was that about?”

“nothing. he just wanted to yell at me before asking me out.”

ron tried to hide his smile but found that he couldn’t.

web gaped, “w-what? you...you...ronald speirs are going out with a professional athlete.”

ron nodded.

“you?! ronald speirs who told me not a week ago that all athletes are brutes and don’t deserve they amount of time you spend covering them.”

ron shrugged, “maybe i was wrong.”

web dropped the books in his hands.

“fuck, what the hell did that guy do to you?”

ron didn’t answer, couldn’t answer because even he didn’t know. he just knew that something about don had captivated him in the past twenty minutes and he needed to figure out what it was.

don was pacing fast, wearing down the carpet in skip’s apartment.

skip, for all intents and purposes, was doing his best impressions of a fish out of water.

“you...”

“how...”

“with speirs...”

“how...”

don stopped pacing, looked at skip, and then started pacing again.

“i don’t know skip. i can’t figure out what made me ask or why he even said yes, but fuck. you have no idea what he’s really like. i can’t believe it. for all you guys complain and fear him, he isn’t that bad. he’s actually really nice and he’s intense and he smells like smoke and heat. and jesus christ skip, i’m totally fucked.”

skip started laughing loudly and don stopped his pacing in confusion.

“what? skip why are you laughing like that?”

“you...” skip couldn’t stop laughing.

“i...what?”

skip gathered his composure as best he could.

“you have a crush on ron fucking speirs.”

don took a moment to let it sink in before swearing.

“fuck. i totally do.”

then both men burst into laughter.

don’s alarm rang, letting him know he needed to leave.

“fuck. h-how do i look skip?”

skip gave don a once-over and smiled.

“like you want to have sex with a journalist.”

don winked, “exactly what i was going for.”

skip groaned in disgust and pushed his best friend out of his apartment.

ron was finishing changing and packing up for the night when someone knocked on his door coming in.

ron assumed if was web letting him know he was heading out, so he didn’t rush to put on his t-shirt.

he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw it was don malarkey, looking like sex on legs and staring at ron like he was a cold glass of water and don had been in the desert for far too long.

ron’s default pride etched it’s way onto his face, “hi don, give me a minute.”

ron didn’t miss the rushed nodded and the hungry eyes glued to his chest. 

ron smiled as he bent down to pick up his shirt.

he could’ve sworn he heard a soft “fuck,” from the man behind him and he smiled wide.

he pulled on his jacket and grabbed his bag, “ready?”

don smiled, face flushed, “hell yeah.”

don hadn’t moved from the doorway and ron met him in the middle.

ron was about to push through, but he stopped. he just had to...

“one thing first,” he braced his arms on either side of don’s chest and pressed his lips into the redhead’s.

he heard a soft moan before don kissed him back in a fevered haze.

it was slow and languid and hot and perfect.

when they eventually pulled back, both men’s eyes were dark with lust and longing.

don laughed shakily, “wow.”

ron bit his lip and grabbed don’s hand, guiding them out of the office and into the night.

don malarkey surprised the crowd with strikeouts to eighteen of the opposing team’s batters, including the final pitch of the game sealing the win and advancement into the finals. boston can sleep with immense pride tonight, knowing that our team is one step closer to winning the pendant. 

don put down the newspaper with shaky hands.

he was stunned. 

he and ron had been seeing one another for nine months and it wasn’t easy with him being on the road much, but they made it work. and when things were bad, they were still good and when things were good...they were great. 

and this? this was the first time ron has put down into physically words, the affection he’d only ever given to don. it was a lot, considering his reputation. it meant everything to don. that ron both, cared about him so much that he was willing to tarnish his hard earned reputation, and that he said everything without saying much. don loved that. he loved a lot of things about ron. he just...loved him.

and that scared don more than winning the pendant, more than sobel’s training exercises, more than skip and luz on april fools. but don’s been dealing with this secret since their six month anniversary and he couldn’t handle it anymore. with so much stress and pressure, any relief, however slight or great, would be appreciated.

so when ron comes over, just a night of them relaxing with pizza and beer and some movie that don’s not really listening to, don realizes that he needs to tell ron. right now or he fears he never will.

he pauses the movie and stands up and watches ron’s confused eyes follow him.

“i have to tell you something and i don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

don notices a flash of fear in ron’s eyes before he covers it with casual indifference. 

“okay.”

“so we’ve been dating for nine months ron and that’s...that’s the longest of i’ve ever been with someone. and it’s been the best thing, the greatest thing to me. and i...” he stops, unsure of how to even begin, “you remember the first day we met?”

ron smiled, how could he forget, “yes.”

“you...you told me that everyone has fears. and you told me that we have to overcome them or at least fight them and not to let them control us.”

ron nodded.

“well, the thing is i’m afraid.”

ron stood up and grabbed don’s hands, helping to calm him. 

“afraid of what?” ron asked, eyes wide and, for the first time, don saw vulnerability in his eyes, like whatever don said next had the possibility to complete or break him.

don let out a short breath, “i’m afraid of how much i...i love you.”

ron’s mouth open in a silent gasp before he smilde bright.

“it’s about damn time don.”

don looked at ron in confusion.

“i’ve been waiting so long for you tell say that.”

don slapped ron’s shoulder, “you’re an asshole. why didn’t you say anything?”

ron grabbed don’s neck softly, “don, you nearly had a panic attack telling me just now, i wasn’t going to force you to tell me until you were ready.”

don kissed ron hard, lips sliding wet and hard against ron’s. 

when they separated, don spoke softly into ron’s chest, right near his heart.

“i love you.”

ron kissed the top of his head, “i love you too.”

@ciarlapanics - thank you!

send me a pairing and an au and i’ll make an aesthetic post + ficlet 

[sahibookworm]

Release Date: January 7, 2020

Genre: YA Non Fiction

Publisher: Inkyard Press

Purchase Links: IndieBound || Harlequin || Amazon || B&N || Chapters

A timely and heartfelt collection of essays inspired by the #MeToo movement, edited by acclaimed young adult and middle-grade author Janet Gurtler. Featuring Beth Revis, Mackenzi Lee, Ellen Hopkins, Saundra Mitchell, Jennifer Brown, Cheryl Rainfield and many more. When #MeToo went viral, Janet Gurtler was among the millions of people who began to reflect on her past experiences. Things she had reluctantly accepted—male classmates groping her at recess, harassment at work—came back to her in startling clarity. She needed teens to know what she had not: that no young person should be subject to sexual assault, or made to feel unsafe, less than or degraded. You Too? was born out of that need. By turns thoughtful and explosive, these personal stories encompass a wide range of experiences and will resonate with every reader who has wondered, “Why is this happening to me?” or secretly felt that their own mistreatment or abuse is somehow their fault—it’s not. Candid and empowering, You Too? is written for teens, but also an essential resource for the adults in their lives—an urgent, compassionate call to listen and create change.

Trigger Warnings: As a book about the #meToo movement, this deals with themes from catcalling or verbal abuse to rape and incest and everything in between. So, please take care and decide if you are in the right headspace to handle this book.

I’ve read quite a few books in past couple months that dealt with sexual harassment in the workplace and the rise of the #meToo movement. So, when I saw the announcement of this book in which many YA authors are sharing their own stories and letting young women know that they aren’t alone, I was very excited to read this book. And I really am honored to be a part of this blog tour.

This is a painful and difficult read, partly because of the experiences of the authors and how they are still common after all these years, partly also because they brought up many of my own memories which I may have tried to forget. It’s also a very diverse collection of experiences and each author talks about their own way of dealing with their trauma, and that’s definitely an important message for young women that there is no single right way to react or respond.

It took me a while to read it completely because I could only handle it in small doses, but nevertheless, it’s a very important book and I would love to give this to any young woman I know. But I also think it’s important for adult readers like me to read because we all have had these experiences and it’s good to know we are not alone.

I’m not going to rate any of the individual stories, just share my thoughts on each of them below:

It’s our Secret by Patty Blount

As a survivor of child molestation, the author asks a very timely question – when her parents asked her to keep it a secret about what happened to her, were they sparing her the ordeal of being dismissed, or were they just sparing themselves?

Wishing on Silver Dollars by Jennifer Brown

This was painful to read because it’s so relatable and common. The author delves into all the ways girls are sexualized since puberty (which is worse for the curvy girls) and how we are so used to verbal comments and leering and groping that by the time we are ready to start our careers, we just consider this harassment part of our lives. But what hit me most was the author talking about how we feel shame for being harassed when it’s the other person’s fault. This is definitely a lesson that young woman needs to be told – it’s not your fault.

This is How it Ends by Tiffany Brownlee

As a young black girl with a sheltered upbringing, the author experienced both racial and sexual harassment and I really felt for her because she too concluded at that young age that it must be her fault. But as an educator currently, she emphasizes that such harassing conduct arises from ignorance or lack of empathy, and it’s necessary to teach kids to respect themselves and others, and exercise self-control.

Sugar, Spice and Not so Nice by Jess Capelle

The author’s harassment experiences and the way they are dismissed by the adults through the years are all too familiar, and she stresses that despite being taught from childhood that we girls should keep quiet and not make waves and just be nice, we really shouldn’t do that. We have a voice and we should use it to stand up for ourselves and not let anyone get away with harassing us.

Bus Stop Witchcraft by Kenna Clifford

As a young bisexual woman, the author talks about being a bit luckier to be able to grow up in the generation where #meToo movement is prominent and atleast some women are able to speak about their experiences. And she also talks about the need to speak our stories and make our voices heard.

Young but Not Powerless by Eva Darrows

The author talks about her experiences with harassment in school from teachers and how much worse it is than if the perpetrators were boys her own age, because these teachers had power over the students. And her mentioning that many girls knew about it and just warned younger girls to be safe, rather than reporting the issues just underlines the harsh reality that sometimes it’s easier to keep ourselves safe than try to get a harasser punished.

It Was Me Too by Dana L. Davis

As a survivor of childhood sexual assault, the author talks about how she internalized the shame that it was all her fault, and how it completely changed her as a person well into adulthood, how she learnt to just be aloof and hide and never put herself in a vulnerable position. This is another reality for so many women and it was heartbreaking to read about.

Anything but Ordinary by Ronni Davis

The author talks about the shame in wondering what she might have done and how her not acting her “color” had contributed to her being assaulted, and later on feeling anger and shame for all the instances when she didn’t speak up. There is also the feeling that she can’t use #meToo because what happened to her wasn’t too bad. But ultimately it’s about the fact that every single instance matters and we are not alone.

Not that Kind of Girl by Natasha Deen

The author talks about boundaries and emotional violence in her teenage years, and how traumatic it can feel when the whole school judges you for something you haven’t done. But she is also very graceful in her message that sometimes restraint is important, we should speak up for ourselves but never say anything in anger that we wouldn’t say in normal situations.

How do I look ? By Nicolas DiDomizio

As a young gay man in the closet, the author talks about how his shame about his body and weight made him accept the things that were done to him even when he knew they were wrong. And he makes a great point that self worth doesn’t and shouldn’t depend on how you look and I think it’s something we can all keep in mind.

Gray Lines by Namina Forna

As an African immigrant and also a child survivor of war, the author talks about not understanding the concept of personal space and just not making a fuss when a teacher violated it because she didn’t want to be a problem. But I’m glad that she was quick to recognize grooming and make herself safe after that, so I completely agree with her message that make a fuss and say no whenever anyone disrespects your personal boundaries, and do whatever you need to keep yourself safe.

No, Not Me! By Jenna Glass

This was definitely an eye opening read because the author talks about how we normalize so many harassing behaviors like flashing or groping or unwanted touching, never realizing that these are also forms of sexual assault. She talks about the importance of talking about these issues and not letting anyone get away with these kinds of actions without consequences.

Before Starbucks or Cell Phones by Janet Gurtler

The author’s experience was tough to read about, but I was also glad that she had atleast one teacher who listened. But the common theme of shame still comes through, with young girls always wondering if they did something that made the boys or men behave so badly. And I think that’s why the author’s message is important that we shouldn’t keep these things to ourselves, we should talk to and support each other, so that we may one day get to a world where a girl can say it has never happened to me.

The One we don’t Talk about by Teri Hall

This was absolutely horrific to read about and I don’t have words to describe the strength it must have taken for the author as a young girl to finally tell someone about all the abuse that was happening in her house. As the author says, believe in yourself and never let your abuser convince you that you don’t matter because you do.

A Long Overdue Confession by Ellen Hopkins

This is mostly the author introspecting her decisions when she was eighteen to have an affair with a married man and how she was taken advantage of due to her naïveté. She also wants to share the story to prevent if possible other younger girls from succumbing to older men’s attention and flattery, particularly those girls who already have body image issues.

Bathsheba by Mackenzi Lee

Through the Bible story of David and Bathsheba, the author tries to make the point that despite what we’ve been told since childhood, we are not responsible for making men comfortable or for their violent actions; none of our dressing or talking or anything is a reason for men to violate us and we should always remember that.

Burn by Saundra Mitchell

The author lists instances after instances where she was violated but couldn’t do anything because she felt trapped but her realization after she turned seventeen is something we can all hope for – to start believing in ourselves and finding our voice and never stopping ourselves from expressing our anger.

Just Smile by Ali Novak

The author’s story highlights the fact that even if we haven’t been physically assaulted, words flung against us can cause equal emotional trauma, and that’s why we should use our own words to tell our stories and never minimize what we’ve been through.

Boys Will be Boys By Eve Porinchak

Another experience where the boys’ actions are blamed on the girl’s clothes, but I was very glad to know the author had a supportive family and learnt to stand up for herself at a very young age. We all definitely need that conviction.

There is Strength in our Voices by Cheryl Rainfield

I can’t even begin to understand the strength it must have taken for the author to run away and survive her whole childhood where she was part of a cult and her own family raped and tortured her, but I tip my hat off to her for finding the resilience and the queer community that helped her. And that’s why she insists that it’s important to listen and talk to other survivors, so that we may help others while also helping ourselves and not feeling we’re alone in our ordeal.

Pretty Enough by Beth Revis

This is a story of the author’s realization that how wrong it was of her to internalize the feelings that only beautiful girls got harassed and because she wasn’t, it meant she wasn’t worth it. She talks about how harmful this divide is and basing self worth on looks is, and asks us all to understand that there is only one side – all of us women who have to stick up for each other and not let anyone else make us feel powerless with their words or actions.

My Oklahoma History by Andrea L. Rogers

As a Cherokee citizen from Oklahoma, the author uses her tribe’s history as a parallel to how indigenous women are treated – both have a right to their sovereignty but it’s always threatened. And she makes a wonderful point that women don’t need to forgive anyone for the purpose of moving on – forgiveness can be a consideration if someone is making amends but it means nothing if the violator has no regrets.

Class Valedictorian by Lulabel Seitz

As a young Asian woman who was assaulted by a rich white classmate in high school, the author talks about the ways in which she was silenced and disbelieved by those in power because they didn’t want to discomfort the perpetrator. When she says that money and holding onto old white power structures matter more, I don’t see anything wrong about it because that’s still the world we live in. But I admire her for speaking up even when she was forced not to, and trying to keep doing it for other people even at such a young age.

No Right Way to be Wronged by Mischa Thrace

This is a different take on all the above experiences but it’s not wrong in anyway. The author talks about how no one is owed our secrets or the details of what happened to us, and it’s totally our choice. It’s ok to not want to be a spokesperson for the cause or tweet about our issues. After her own assault, the author found it easier to deal with it by expressing her anger through learning Muay Thai and just like her, everyone has the right to find their own way of dealing with the trauma, even if it is silence.

Notes on Girlhood by Amy Zhang

The author talks about all the overwhelming feelings that one is bombarded with after a sexual assault happens, because we aren’t sure how to process the trauma; and navigating it becomes a big part of our life. She talks about being fortunate enough to have a friend group as well as a therapist who helped her untangle all her feelings and feel like herself again a little bit, and that it’s enough for now.

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Giveaway

We are giving away two copies of YOU TOO?, signed by each author. Entries are automatically entered with a donation to RAINN (the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization) on our YOUTOO Fundraising Page. 

https://fundraise.rainn.org/team/273355

About the Editor 

Janet Gurtler’s young adult books have been chosen for the JUNIOR LIBRARY GUILD SELECTION and as BEST BOOKS FOR TEENS from the Canadian Children’s Book Center. Janet lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband, son, a chubby black Chihuahua named Bruce and a Golden Retriever named Betty White.

Connect With Janet

Website: http://www.janet-gurtler.com

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4147574.Janet_Gurtler

Twitter: https://twitter.com/janetgurtler

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janet.gurtler

Blog Tour Organized By:

YA Bound Book Tours

[Blog Tour] ARC Review: You Too? Edited by Janet Gurtler Release Date: January 7, 2020 Genre: YA Non Fiction Publisher: Inkyard Press Purchase Links: IndieBound || …