#edited to add the second half of the infodump

[smolghostbot]

was explaining Patchwork Melody and what exactly the story is to a friend and i think i gave the best explanation possible about the name and the theme even though i'm currently half-awake

(putting under a cut just because it's a sloppy mess of words and not my usual writing here, but to edit it is to lose something, i think)

and the theme of communication is why like, so much of the writing (though not as much in these snippets since most of them are like. "epilogue" stuff) is about like. just talking and establishing boundaries and resolving communication issues. like mel asking patch if they want to be touched, or waiting for permission before teasing them, that kinda stuff. and why patch's name is a secret kept close to my heart because it's kinda symbolic of the point when they finally Understand each other (which. is definitely not currently editing for a prompt i am late for.)

====

if i may infodump, the name itself kinda represents the whole vibe because like, the entire thing is very much about communication. and the name "Patchwork Melody" works as like, wordplay on [****]'s nickname and Melody, obviously, but it also like, brings to mind this image of a very jittery song composed of parts of a bunch of other songs, like a musical quilt, something that maybe starts out discordant but the longer you listen the more you can kinda understand it, it isn't what you expect but it's not bad.

so like. about them bringing out the best in each other, for patch, he starts the story as an anxious fear blob after years of abuse, and then he (eventually) starts being treated like the most important thing ever by mel and sort of learns to see himself as more of a person at the same time mel does. and additionally he sort of learns that even though he can't speak that doesn't mean he can't, express needs and desires, and he doesn't have to just be a wallflower, whether it's asking for things or setting boundaries

and for mel, deep down she's an anxious as hell person with no social skills who is constantly pushing people away by being just too much, and having to learn to intentionally modify her behavior in order to not constantly freak out patch kind of teaches her to be more considerate and personable, not just of him but of everybody. like, learning to meet people's energies halfway without having to sacrifice who she is.

like, their character motivations at the start of the story are Fear (Patch) and Loneliness (Mel), but by the end their motivations become Self-Actualization (Patch) and Kindness (Mel) and neither of those would be possible without the interference of the other

tl;dr i am just a simple gay and sometimes an ADHD transfem dorkass and a traumatized queer fae who are both autistic-coded are a found family and that's okay.

[glade-constellation]

Horrors Beyond the Bayou AU Infodump (Q & A Style)

Edit : This AU has been renamed "Dirty Paws, Little Talks"!

First off, any triggering topics?

• Yes, there are several triggering topics that are gone over in this AU. There is a lot of bad and messed up shit happening here, the fic will be rated M on Ao3 when I start posting. Please be advised that there is going to be a lot of very upsetting topics being mentioned or discussed! This includes but is not limited to: viewing a person as property, graphic depictions of violence/torture, talk of death/suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm, graphic depictions of gore, use of weapons such as knives, etc. There will be a lot of heavy stuff in this AU. You have been warned. (All posts for this AU will be properly tagged.)

What’s the main plot of the story?

• Fazbear Entertainment basically has an underground system for black market sales because they never can pass up a few extra bucks. One of the few things they sell are tiny little creatures called Borrowers, a species thought only to exist in children’s story books (for those who don’t know what borrowers are, here’s a wiki link). Y/N is a borrower who escapes their containment before being sold, but now must learn to survive in the Pizzaplex and all the dangers it brings.

Who’s the main cast?

• Y/N is our protagonist, but Sun & Moon and Monty are also main characters in this AU. A lot of the first half of this AU is simply just for setting up Y/N’s relationship with them (romantic for DCA, queerplatonic for Monty). A lot of the other canon characters come in on the second half of the plot, which will tackle the canon plot of Security Breach. Freddy, Gregory, and another surprise character will become friends with Y/N during this time as they work together to figure out what’s happening at the Pizzaplex. Some familiar faces that are canon to FNAF but aren’t seen in SB will also be showing up!

What relationships can we expect to see?

• Sun x Y/N is a definite, but I’m on the fence whether to make Moon and Y/N romantic or queerplatonic. I’m still working on Moon’s personality in the AU, so I’m not quite sure what his sexuality is yet (they are genderfluid though). There is queerplatonic Monty & Y/N, something I wasn’t actually planning on from the start but that showed up and didn’t want to leave. They both rely heavily on each other throughout certain things that happen in the first half of the plot, and form a very tight bond. There’s also some background Roxy/Chica because those two are literally so in love and you can’t tell me otherwise. (I would like to add that all interactions are SFW, and Y/N is portrayed as being asexual. Lots of cuddles and kisses but that’s about it.)

What’s the setting of the story?

A large majority of the first half of the plot takes place in Monty Golf, and Y/N’s home is there for a very large majority of the whole plot. That’s actually how I came up with the AU name. The Theater/Daycare are the second most used setting in this AU. We will eventually be seeing the whole Pizzaplex, but for the first half of the plot Y/N is stuck to the ground floor. The Daycare has a very different set up during the very beginning of the AU since it’s technically still a theater then. The canonical theater part of the daycare was all concessions/storage back then, and the main stage was the ball pit area. The glass walls used to be bleacher-type sitting areas, separated by what is still currently being used as the daycare doorway. The line that Moon uses to get around in the air was something kept from the theater, and used to be used to better entertain and immerse the audience.

What’s the borrower world building?

• The first and most obvious thing, borrowers are a real thing in this AU. While they inspired fictional works like the Borrowers book series and the Littles, they are real beings. They look mostly human and have human intelligence, but have a few differences. They tend to have mouse-like ears, a padded nose, fangs, digigrade legs/feet, claws, tails, and fur in some areas. Their heart and respiratory rate are also considerably faster, much more in tune with that of small rodents. Borrowers tend to actually live in colonies in large abandoned buildings or old houses. Yes, there are still plenty who live in human households, but borrowers find it infinitely more safer to stay clear of human populated areas. Borrower culture can change dramatically depending on if they live in colonies or not and what location they live in, but most borrowers tend to view the sun and moon as almost gods. It’s not the same way humans typically view gods, probably better to be compared to good omens and horoscopes. While the brightness of the day isn’t safe for borrowers, the sun helps grow their food and provides them with shadow, as darkness cannot exist without light. Children born during the day are often viewed to be gifted with some sort of ability to nurture and provide. The moon is a symbol of protection, and new moons are seems as blessings. Children born at night are viewed to have different abilities based on the moon phases. Babes of the New Moon are viewed to have have the potential to create great change and are seen as lucky to have around. It’s unknown why, but sun babies and new moon babies are actually quite rare. Most borrowers tend to have their babies during or near the full moon. (This cultural view on the sun and moon does affect how Y/N views Sun & Moon in the beginning, but it’s simply a push to trust them more than the other Pizzaplex inhabitants. More of a subconscious push.)

[ducktr0ducin]

I like hearing how ya think about Gypad in different scenarios so, Whaddya think they do when the other is sick?

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME ANON 👁️

So like. It’s two am rn so I’ll ramble and then add a drawing later- also by “sick” I’m just gonna go with the baseline of a fever/flu

Whenever Gyro is sick, Launchpad will immediately be concerned and constantly double checking if Gyro is ok or needs anything (Gyro is. Very bad at communicating his wants a lot of the time so. Yeah). He’ll bring Gyro some soup/crackers and ice water throughout the day, along with anything Gyro asks for. A lot of the time however Launchpad will just bring in stuff like cold washcloths and extra pillows/blankets despite not being directly asked, figuring that Gyro is probably only telling him the bare necessities rather than everything that could make him more comfortable. I would also imagine that sometimes Launchpad will read out some of Gyros favorite books for him, knowing that Gyro would appreciate something for his brain to do, even if it’s hard to focus on processing words (tbh Gyro just likes listening to LPs voice). SPEAKING OF LPS VOICE Gyro loves when Launchpad gives him gentle reassurances (it’s nice to hear that he’s not a burden when he’s not used to accepting others help so much), and Gyro would just happily warble back (he gets fairly delirious when sick a lotta the time). The only time LP would be out of the house is on medicine runs, he doesn’t know exactly what to get or what would be the best medicine for Gyro, so he just buys a bit of everything.

Whenever Launchpad is sick, Gyro is immediately aware from the second he wakes up (I have absolutely no basis for this hc, but I like to imagine that when sick, LP is super cuddly/clingy and affectionate, and since it’s usually Gyro snuggling into Launchpad, it’s noticeable when it’s the other way around). Gyro doesn’t mind being stuck in bed with LP, since hey more cuddle time is always fun. They usually rely on Helper (bless his electronic soul for putting up with these losers) to bring stuff in for Launchpad, like soup and some medicine, but overall Launchpad is just very content with snuggling in bed while recovering. Scrooge is- less happy that two of his employees are just relaxing in bed instead of at work, but old peepaw cannot physically push Launchpad out of bed, so he just kinda has to accept it. LP definitely gets less delirious than Gyro, but still feels kinda scrambled, so he just asks Gyro to infodump about something for him to focus on. Tbh half the time Launchpad gets sick Gyro ALSO gets sick from the cuddling, but hey in the moment it’s calming to just sleep in with each other.

(I probably sound so incomprehensible hopefully at least a sentence made sense- I’ll probably edit sentence structure/grammar later when I wake up to add a doodle)

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

[fycarmensandiego]

New(ish) book reviews

Yes, yes, it’s been the better part of a month, but below find my reviews of the three Carmen books that came out on Oct. 1: the two Chase-Your-Own-Caper books and the look-and-find book. I’m going to review each in the order I read them...

Chase-Your-Own-Caper: Endangered Operation

This is not the first time there have been Choose Your Own Adventure-style Carmen books; Golden published the You Are the Detective series in the early ’90s, when the genre was at its most popular. Now, admittedly I’m not huge on the genre to begin with, partially because I find the second person present tense writing style awkward, though these two do handle it better than, say, the Scooby-Doo series I read as a kid.

But I just wasn’t feeling this one, regardless. Carmen doesn’t even show up in half the paths: it’s really more focused on VILE than on Team Red. The setup for the books is also kind of iffy, as the reader character in each is an everyday person who somehow encounters Carmen as she tries to head off a VILE theft at their workplace. In contrast, the reader’s role in You Are the Detective was self-explanatory, and while the detective role was gimmicked up, it made more sense for the reader character, given that it was the same as that of the player character in the computer games.

On the other hand, it did afford the opportunity for the infodumps to be a bit less info-dumpy than in the show, since they’re split among Player, Carmen, the reader character, and the narrative itself. They’re still awkward, but not nearly as awkward as on the show.

I guess I was also expecting more of a focus on, oh, the endangered animals the story’s built on. Instead, there’s very little, the bare minimum to move the plot forward.

Compared to the first two HMH books (the excellent Who in the World and the very good Clue by Clue), this was a disappointment. 3/5.

Chase-Your-Own-Caper: Jetpack Attack

Most of what I said above applies to this one too. The story works a bit better for me by virtue of actually providing detail regarding the titular jetpacks, but it’s still an awkward way to insert the reader character. I’m not sure if the intent was to make the reader character like the one-off characters who help Carmen on the show or if it just wasn’t thought through.

There’s also more Carmen in this one, which is good, though again she barely appears in some of the routes. Paperstar is also present and delightful though a bit ooc, and Dr. Bellum appears rather than Coach Brunt, a more than fair trade if you ask me. But I’m just not as interested in jetpacks as I am in endangered animals, which I knew up front. 3.5/5.

(An additional note regarding the format of the two CYOCs: the eBook edition adds a link back to the previous choice at the end of each passage, which was a super helpful addition to the format as it allows you to backtrack without starting back at the beginning. I wish that the page number had similarly been included in the print copy.)

Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

If Choose Your Own Adventure was the oft-imitated kidlit trend of the ’80s and early ’90s, its early to late ’90s counterparts were look-and-find series, namely I Spy and Where’s Waldo. And once again Brøderbund hopped on the trend at the time, with Golden publishing Where in America Is Carmen Sandiego? in 1992, and Publications International publishing Where Is Carmen Sandiego? in 1996.

This one certainly has more meat to it than its predecessors, adding a few pages of geographical info on each featured location before the look-and-find puzzle, though how much there is and at what level (country vs. state vs. city) is inconsistent. The puzzles themselves are fine, though it’s a little obvious that some of the art is reused from the TV series.

In keeping with the smaller dimensions of the book, the format of the puzzles is a bit different from the norm. Except for the last two, each consists of a mostly horizontal crowd of people, drawn head-to-toe in the midground, as opposed to the intentionally busy bird’s eye view of Waldo and I Spy, and thus the previous Carmen books. Each scene features a few objects and two VILE agents to find, but Carmen also appears in each, along with at least one other character (Devineaux in the first; Tigress in the second; Zack and Ivy in another), which is a nice touch.

Nevertheless, the whole thing somehow feels half-assed. It’s as if someone had a grand idea for what the book could have been, but it was rushed through and turned out kind of flat. If I see another “fast facts” type layout, ever, I will scream. The book, at least my copy, is also really tightly bound, which ordinarily I wouldn’t complain about - better too tight than too loose, right? - but it is an issue for look-and-find books where you need to see the picture all the way to the inner edge of the page. 2.5/5.

Disclaimer: I received review copies of these three books from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2017

Not a very good year for hit songs. Still better than the next one, though.

And a very satisfying #1 that launched an entire infodump about a specific band. I’m not even sorry.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2017 might not sound super distant, but it’s already distant enough to analyse what started to happen to me that year with some clarity. This is when I started to lose some of my energy and motivation. A lot, in fact. Everything suddenly felt exhausting and this whole “what’s even the point of anything” mentality started to fall on my shoulders. And you know what, at first, while making these recaps, I had no idea what started it all. Was it that super rare infection I caught in early 2018 and almost made me lose a part of a finger? Was it both my grandfathers dying in mid 2018? Was it the general state of the world? But no, I did some digging and noticed this general exhaustion actually started right during summer 2017 and I was like what the f█ck happened in summer 2017? That summer was fine?

And then it clicked. I know exactly what kickstarted my spiral into about 18 months of depression, and it’s got nothing to do with health or family. It’s something that shouldn’t have affected my life in any way, and that I kinda tried to ignore at the time, and some of you might even find me overdramatic or cringy for letting it affect my life. But yeah, as I’ve realised while making these lists, Linkin Park was actually a super important part of my life, so it makes perfect sense: what started it all was Chester Bennington killing himself. Clearly, someone who had contributed so much to convince me that life was worth living and who suddenly decided it wasn’t worth it, that had a huge impact on me, whether I wanted it or not.

Aaaand now I’m crying again. Great.

Anyway. Uh. Important albums that year! Yeah so uh. Depeche Mode made Spirit and it wasn’t good, and so I kinda lost faith they would ever make a great album again, but I did realise one of my teenage dreams and saw them in concert in the Stade de France in July 2017 (it was huge. Going home after that felt like waking up from some sort of hypnotic trance. They even played Walking In My Shoes, one of my absolute favorite songs from them, along with a video featuring a trans person going to work and I started to bawl my eyes out in the middle of the f█cking crowd). Nine Inch Nails also made Add Violence and continued to be super good, and Indochine made 13, and while it wasn’t nearly as good as Black City Parade, it was also better than La République des Météors, so I was pretty happy about that. EDIT: Forgot about Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre, which blew my goddamn mind, but still not as much as the next album I'm gonna talk about.

But the defining album of the year, to me, was Mike Oldfield making a sequel to my favorite album from him, with Return to Ommadawn. Of course it’s not as good as Ommadawn. But still. If Ommadawn felt like discovering a new strange country full of weird folklore and forests and mysterious buildings, Return to Ommadawn feels like going back there half a century later and seeing things in ruins and wounded people, but still trying to seek beauty and joy in a partly destroyed landscape. It makes perfect sense considering the circumstances that surround the making of this thing, and it was the only way to make a good sequel to such a legendary album.

Unelligible songs that piss me off... uh, actually there’s only Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen. Why wasn’t it a huge hit. Come to think of it, why hasn’t any Carly Rae song been a huge hit since Good Times. This feels unfair.

Time for some honorable mentions, then.

Feels and also Slide (Calvin Harris and a lot of other people) - Got nothing to say about either of these songs, but they’re both pretty good.

Katchi (Ofenbach) - Nice little earworm.

No Roots (Alice Merton) - Super surprised this was a hit. Good.

OK (Robin Schulz ft James Blunt) - That’s a James Blunt song in the year of our lord 2017 and it sounds actually good??

What About Us (Pink) - Really caught my attention and made me wonder if I should listen to Pink again after a long streak of mediocre Pink songs.

Congratulations (Post Malone) - I find the song mostly boring but the guest verse ending with “uh, Malone... I gotta play on my phone...” is the stuff of legends and that got a chuckle out of me every time I heard it.

Glorious (Macklemore) - I’m glad this was a hit here but at the same time it’s not my favorite song from him. The music video is adorable, though.

Fly (Odyssey) - Nothing to say about that one.

XO Tour Life (Lil Uzi Vert) - The fact that I was regularly humming this is either a sign of quality or yet another sign I was depressed as shit.

Devil in Me (Purple Disco Machine) - What a great artist name.

Symphony (Clean Bandit) - Nothing to say here either, just good sound all around.

Attention (Charlie Puth) - 2017: The Year Charlie Puth Made A Great Song.

All Stars (Martin Solveig & Alma) - The last cut. It was on the list at some point. I really like it a lot, though.

And now, the list. The stuff I genuinely love starts at #6 and things that are still on my mp3 player to this day start at #4.

10 - Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry)

US: #73 / FR: #10

I just love the concept of a Katy Perry song about how Katy Perry songs are happy nonsense distracting you from actual issues. What can I say, I’m a sucker for meta stuff.

9 - Water Under The Bridge (Adele)

US: #88 / FR: Not on the list

An Adele song projecting actual positive energy!? That automatically goes on the list.

8 - Praying (Kesha)

US: #67 / FR: Not on the list

You know I mostly dislike slow emotional songs regardless of how good they actually are. I will, however, make an exception for this one even though I very rarely listen to it considering how emotionally taxing it is. That’s definitely a fantastic song, though.

7 - Viens On S’aime (Slimane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #53

“Listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their words and their decorum, listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their ideas and what they’re saying”. Well said, dude, well said.

6 - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back (Shawn Mendes)

US: #23 / FR: #91

That’s a very good song for running and that is becoming increasingly rarer, so I’ll take what I can get.

5 - Paris (The Chainsmokers)

US: #42 / FR: Not on the list (that’s irony for you)

Unlike Closer this is an unrelatable song about rich young people that can afford to live in Paris just “to get away from [their] parents” but honestly that’s the only negative thing I have to say against it. It sounds fantastic.

4 - Castle On The Hill (Ed Sheeran)

US: #40 / FR: #50

We’ve now entered the realm of songs that are still on my mp3 player to this day. This is the only Ed Sheeran song I’ve ever liked, and I love it. It sounds like a lost U2 song. Maybe from a strange dimension where U2 became more fragile and emotional instead of more pretentious.

I have no idea why this guy keeps making such boring stuff when he’s got that kind of song in him. I have no clue.

3 - Something Just Like This (Coldplay & The Chainsmokers)

US: #5 / FR: #19

Hey so Coldplay is still on my lists, apparently. It’s a bit too slow, some lyrics about superheros don’t make much sense, and the drop isn’t super good, but my god, that guitar near the end makes everything worth it. Just amazing colors and textures all around.

It’s not even my favorite song on that EP! I think Miracles (Someone Special) is even better, but eh, this one is a close second.

2 - 24k Magic (Bruno Mars)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (#13 in 2016 but I put it on the 2017 list instead)

Am I the only one to like this more than Uptown Funk? It’s so much fun to sing along to it. And unlike Uptown Funk, it’s making me feel nostalgic for an era I actually (vaguely) knew, the super colorful and ridiculous early 90s. My s.o loves it too and when it comes up on the radio or on our playlists you can bet we’re both going PUT YOUR. PINKY. RINGS UP. TO THE. MOOOOOOOON like two idiots.

This is the song I could have put on the previous list but elected to put on this list instead since it was elligible for both years, by the way! Since 2017 was less good than 2016, I thought it would be more interesting to save such a great song for later.

It would have topped the list too, if it wasn’t for something I didn’t expect to be elligible before reading the French year-end list.

Strap yourselves in, because I had no real opportunity to talk about this band at length in the posts made for the years when it was the most relevant in my life, so this is going to be quite long.

1 - La Vie Est Belle (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

As you already know if you remember some of my previous lists, Indochine is a band I started to love right in the middle of the absolute worst years of my life. These guys had been around since the 80s as a super successful new wave band, then became very unpopular and went underground for about twelve years in the entire 90s, then one of them died, then every member except the singer basically rotated, and then they suddenly re-emerged in 2002-2003 with Paradize, a monster of an album, full of energy, sinister themes and weird provocative songs, and an entire generation of angsty teenagers (me included as you can guess) embraced it wholeheartedly.

And all of a sudden Indochine was the favorite French mainstream band of local young punk/goths! So many kids with the Indochine logo in highschool. Nowadays the band is mocked and well-loved in equal doses by just about everyone, but I suspect it’s just because we’ve all grown up.

Placebo, Linkin Park and Indochine were the bands that ruled my entire world in 2003/2004. My mother hated all three of them, because of course she did, but especially Indochine, because according to her it was partly their fault if I was gender non-conforming. See, she used to say, they had put all kinds of bad ideas in my head and now I was all messed up.

...Holy shit, that’s a lot of blame to put on a ridiculous new wave band who’s first hit song from 1983 is just a long nonsensical list of shitty old Bob Morane pulp novels.

But here’s the problem. Even if Indochine kept having hit song after hit song, those were never the best songs on their albums. Here I am, 31, making these top ten lists since last December, and becoming more and more frustrated to see none of my favorite modern Indochine songs are elligible. My favorite Paradize singles were Mao Boy, Popstitute and especially Marilyn (god, this song rocked my entire year alongside Placebo’s The Bitter End. 2003 was such a fantastic year for dark energetic hit songs)? Too bad, the biggest hits were J’ai demandé à la lune and Le Grand Secret. Alice & June had four fantastic singles? Too bad, none of them is elligible! Same thing for the entirety of Black City Parade. Oh, but that song I hate from La Republique des Météors is elligible, I guess!

So we’re in summer 2017, and my life is completely different now, and Indochine releases La Vie Est Belle (I’m linking the album version and not the music video because it has some violent themes in it). I’m in my car doing some errands and the local radio goes “hey new song from Indochine” and I’m like “oh shit, gotta hear this” and then two minutes later “oh wow, that is super good. Won’t be a hit though”.

And yet, it was a hit! It became huge, even! And at that point I was already loving that song even though I thought it was just a super good but tragic love song about a significant other dying too young.

And then, about a month later, the wordplay of the first line finally hit me with the force of a semitruck. It’s not a love song. It’s a song about the singer’s dead twin. Who died in 1999.

It’s such a devastating, beautiful song, and yet it’s full of energy. I. adore. it. It’s exactly the kind of song you need to continue to fight and to live and to help other people in this day and age. “Life is beautiful and cruel, it looks like us sometimes” indeed. And it’s one of the best on the album, too!

So yes, 15 years after I first fell in love with this band and after they helped me during super dark times, finally, I can put one of their songs at the top of one of these lists, hands down, no debate whatsoever.

That probably sounds ridiculous but it’s genuinely making me feel extremely emotional.

Next up: I thought music sucked that year because I was depressed but I relistened to it and no it wasn’t just me