#either smuggling it into his room or his mother going 'absolutely not' and making him put it outside

[divinekangaroo]

hi! i commented on the fic itself but i have to know more - absolutely loved ‘just enough to let me drown’ and very intrigued by the essay you said you could write about ‘the one thing he’s never done’ - if you’re up for it, i would love to hear said essay

Link to work in progress fic:

Many, many overlapping concepts, really, which are difficult to get into a coherent flow. I have attempted across a couple of posts!

Relevant interlocking quotes and some notes within:

Tommy’s standing in the hotel foyer conflicted between wanting and not wanting people to recognise him and Diana, and he thinks:

‘…a hope they were recognised [can someone on the outside see something’s not right here?], because it scratched [listening for the sound of something on the other side of the tunnel wall scratching through] at him uneasily [see below], this particular proving, her dressed like that [upper class] and him dressed like this [working man]. If Mosley was somehow contriving to hit him with a charge of rape[where did that word suddenly come from, Tommy, with no context for it?], or to blackmail him with this somehow [Mosley has blackmailed Tommy before], there might be some doubt if people witnessed him and her together at peace [peace is a loaded word for Tommy: truce? weapons down? death (RIP)?  Or simply acceptance?] … It hurt so much [being raped hurts] to think that word [rape] for some reason [why are you being vague, Tommy?  You know the reason]. Tommy Shelby, gone down at last [put in prison/convicted/hung] for rape. The one thing he’d never done [how so very ironic if he was convicted in a legal system for this, given further context below]. He was so careful about that [not committing rape]. [Because he’s so very careful that sex is either a clear transaction/trade for coin, hence the prostitutes, or because he makes sure to explicitly verbally articulate the question “Do you want to fuck/fuck me?” and obtains return consent.] He knew there was a line [reference to crossing the line, in the context of going too far and not caring about unintended consequences, raping children, impact to Charlie, abusing power, abusing trust, or in this context, committing a sex act a rape]. It was barely a thread [the line itself is very difficult to see and it’s so thin and easy to cross and it’s also very easy to break].’

When he’s in the hotel room kneeling on the floor between Diana’s legs, the actual quote from palmviolet’s query:

‘This same odd ringing trepidation [anxiety/tunnels again, the looming dread of hearing and waiting for the collapse or explosion or bang] from before, that word [rape] like a bell [the institutional bell; institutions and the abuse of power particularly against children]. The one thing he’d never done [per the first quote, but the trepidation now intensifies because he’s actually in a sexual position now, and he also has a visual loop of sexualised violence playing in his head as a kind of unexpected thing which is making him hard.  The first quote using this statement was an intellectual response (they might be setting me up for rape) but thinking it now is because of this layer born from hyperanxiety/intrusive thinking (what if I accidentally do rape her?)] Why did he keep thinking it? [rape.  And why does he keep thinking it?  He can’t set the word aside.  More on this below] Imagine leaving Charlie with that for a father [more on this below]. Not that on top of everything else.  [Rape being the worst crime Tommy can think of, he’d accept going down for murder, for theft, extortion, tax crimes, smuggling, but not rape.  More on this below]’

And then after the act, where we circle back to his canon flashback on the narrowboat, when he ‘found himself at the narrowboat’ [also a deliberate choice of “found himself:” he’s back at his first childhood home to find himself after being lost and adrift with Diana]:

‘Sprawling on that narrow bunk where his father slept with his mother and fucked her willing and unwilling [confusing for kids because why could sex sometimes be ok and sometimes not?] for years while they all listened and did nothing.’ [Home was the first place he learned about rape, the source of why rape is the worst crime Tommy can think of because it's the only marker that now distinguishes himself from his violent father, and the first place he felt powerless against rape/sex generally.  More below.]

Broader Thought Piece:

Three layers in the quote palmviolet flagged

The first superficial layer, intended to be overtly read, is him thinking this: they have so much power over him, and sex from a position of power is rape; Diana could easily cry rape before, during or after, and her word against his would see him put away. After everything he’d done and contrived and hidden, it would be this stupid sex act where he’s not even actually raping her that sees him done and hanged. It would be ironic and horrible.

Except that’s the oh so very easy thing to think. Thinking that repeatedly and on loop lets him cope with the shape of the word rape without having to think the more disturbing and deeper thing, the thing that “scratched at him uneasily”. Because he doesn’t want to have sex with Diana, and yet he will have sex with Diana, and there’s no guarantee there is a transaction or a return benefit to make this an overt acceptable trade, because Diana didn’t agree to help him. And if he doesn’t want sex and there’s no transaction and yet sex is still happening, that’s rape, isn’t it?

Except he cannot think that about himself. Not only for the attack that the thought makes on his identity, masculinity and power, but also because the very law and mores of the time don’t even let that be considered. It’s not possible for a woman to rape a man. Yet this stupid word keeps bouncing around his skull, and he doesn’t know what to do with it.

So he pivots it even further into this twisted anxiety of ‘I might accidentally commit rape on her, because I am a violent man, and my mind’s decided to think some pretty violent sexual things which she can’t possibly want. And unfortunately I can’t actually speak (part of the oral trauma was the symbolism of violently silencing him, albeit he’s not that badly hurt) to ask her the way I might usually do, and so I have no way of navigating this sanely’.

These three readings as the guts of the fracture in Tommy’s thinking:

- ‘they have power over me and might get me for rape’ (which he thinks is rational but is actually irrational) – surface

- ‘why do I keep thinking the word rape? Why?’ (the emotional response/the anger and disgust and shame) the hook for the reader to recognise it’s him avoiding thinking he’s being raped – call this one the deepest layer, because he can’t even get near to thinking anything like this about himself

- the anxiety / intrusive thinking (which is absent of rationality rather than irrational) of ‘I might actually accidentally commit rape given my potential for violence and that this woman has made me angry.’ - call this the middle layer, he is aware of it at some level

Not forgetting Tommy’s rationalising that he’s doing this voluntarily, in order to eventually get what he wants out of them. He *could* just walk out of that room, right, she can’t stop him doing that. So the surface thought and middle thought are driving his actions, but the deeper thought/emotion is silenced but drives all his emotional trauma.

Gaslit into participating in his own rape

I refer to Diana x Tommy as Tommy being gaslit into participating in his own rape. He rationalises it to himself and hence participates. It’s only that deepest level of emotion/thought implied in the above quote that screams you’re being raped, trying to get him out of that room. (He manages immobility, and he manages one half-step backwards at one point, that's it.)

I speculate Tommy’s had some very open conversations with Dr Holford (a whole essay and fic in itself) which Diana and Mosley had full access to, plus a lot of background research by Mosley (alluded to with Mosely’s S5 reference to May and Diana’s S6 statement on ‘research’ to Ada; I headcanon they also spoke to Tatiana), plus Holford accessing Tommy’s earlier psychologist/psychiatrist records. They *know* Tommy’s mental/emotional state. So, when he reaches out to Diana for her financial/influential help, they contrive to put him in this situation and seem to greatly enjoy the fact he thinks he still has some kind of voluntary participation in it.

This is why I call it gaslighting and why I still think it’s rape, even though he does have all his layers of rationalising as well. The crux of this being gaslighting is: Tommy has already been given his false terminal diagnosis. His rationalising doesn't hold true if the basis of his belief is their lying.

Mosley (and Diana) have already decided that Tommy has no further use for them and he needs to die. They no longer need Tommy coming across to work under Mosley and bring political power with him. Diana fucking Tommy in this way, and the scene they then contrive with Lizzie, is entirely just Diana and Mosley fucking around for their amusement, seeing how far they can push Tommy before he kills himself or does something dangerous/destructive. His compliance is no longer meaningful to them in any political way. They just want him to hurt and they want to drive this man to suicide.

[more to come]

[worldofroma]

June 2nd 2023, Friday - 2:53pm

I love to lie. I absolutely love it. Something about lying to people on the internet is one of the best things you could ever do. Because I find so many things to be boring, timewasting, or plain stupid, I find myself to have almost too much free time. With that time, I either read, write, find ways to further enhance my appearance, or message embarrassingly thirsty men on the internet using a fake persona besides my own pictures. I’m currently using the lie that I have a house in Ontario, but I’m constantly moving and travelling due to the fact that my father is a hitman. And the real shocking part of it is that they actually believe it. They believe that my mother died during child birth, that I’ve smuggled guns and drugs accross borders for my dad, and I’ve never atteneded real school. And I think I know why I enjoy it so much. I’m a writer, I write all about different things and problems in the world and create each and every character as if they were my own children. I hate some of them, I love some of them, and I wish I was some of them. With the amount of internet I have access to and the wide variety of people I can chat with, this gives me the opportunity to create more characters but within the real world as I act out as them. They have their own names, own backstories, own likes and dislikes, but look exactly like me. I think this may be a sign of how unhealthy my obsession with being someone besides myself is quickly growing. I’ve already been thinking nonstop about when I’m able to go to university and be whoever I want to be as I’ll be far from home with people I’ve never met before, but if I truly do that it may get out of hand. I’ve realized lately that I do everything I can to be someone else. I’m constantly comparing myself to people I see online, specifically pinterest, and even fictional characters I read about or see on tv. It’s getting to the point where I force myself to have a certain personality to fit the criteria of a character I like. Sometimes when I think about it too much, I recognize how sick and sad that sounds but I actually don’t mind it too much. I can be whoever I want whenever I want besides at home which is probably why I despise being home so much unless I’m alone in my room. I fully blame this on Barbie for telling me I can be anything.

I also just want to say that after reading over one of my past entries (don’t expect me to give an exact referral to which one because I didn’t even check myself) about how I never seem to cry and when I feel it coming on I just avoid it, but thats not entirely true. I watched the movie Beautiful Boy for the 30th time and remembered how sad that movie is. Every single time I see it, I sob. I think I find it so sad because although I’m not specifically struggling with drugs, I am suffering deep down with anything and everything and I don’t have someone who cares about it as much as the father cares about his son in that movie. Something about the scene of them in the airport and the father is telling his son about how the summer away from him will be short and theres nothing to worry about and when they tell each other “everything” as another way of saying “I love you” makes me cry like I never have before. It’s not even a sad scene, but it breaks me down every time. I’ve probably wrote this down in here somewhere already, but it really does affect someone to have an emotionally unavailable mother and a physically unavailable father. Especially when that father and all of his relatives claim that he loves my brother and I more than anything as if he didn’t fail to show up to court for custody over us several times. If you love us so much, why did you never put in the effort to see us or take care of us or demonstrate this “love” for us?

[pettyprocrastination]

benny was definitely the kid who was constantly bringing random ass animals and bugs into the house and his mom had to be like “BENJAMIN MICHAEL MILLER YOU PUT THAT THING OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW” at least twice a week 

[robininthelabyrinth]

This one's gonna take two asks, I'm incapable of making it more succinct. In Accurate description NHS said "I’m taking you back with me to the Nie sect when all this is over. If your parents want you back, they can come ask nicely.” Could we get that AU? And the Jiangs HAVE to ask nicely, because with the war on the horizon they can't risk alienating the Nies, but they are so bad at it? NHS's half assed plan to poach JC gets more and more solid the longer he has to watch this train wreck.(1/2)

How hard can it be to love your own flesh and blood? Even NMJ has stopped admonishing him for wanting to poach another sect's heir. What a political nightmare that would be. But JC is so relaxed with NHS's birds? And keeping up longer and longer when training with da-ge? And smiling more? And JYL said, she's never seen him so loose in the shoulders? NHS can make this work. JFM and YZY never valued JC anyway 

Part 2 of Accurate Description (necessary to read that first)

-

“Absolutely not,” was the first thing Nie Huaisang’s brother said when Nie Huaisang first raised the idea of kidnapping Jiang Cheng for his own good. “Absolutely fucking not.”

“Nie sect principle three,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Well, shit,” his brother said.

This was because Nie Huaisang’s brother is the best.

“I’ve gotten other people involved in this,” Nie Huaisang added helpfully.

“You’d better have,” his brother said. “I am not dealing with the fallout from this on my own.”

Nie Huaisang nodded happily. That was about what he’d expected.

A few moments later, his brother asked, “Why are we kidnapping him, anyway?”

-

“This is temporary,” Nie Mingjue said gruffly.

“Very temporary,” Jiang Cheng agreed, sounding stiff and awkward. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“You know exactly why you’re here,” Nie Huaisang objected. “I told you why!”

Jiang Cheng gave him a dirty look.

“Also I have no idea how da-ge got you here, but you’re staying,” Nie Huaisang said firmly. “For as long as it takes for your parents to show that they deserve you returning to them. You’re not getting a choice.”

Jiang Cheng’s face was turning red.

“That’s not the deal, Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue interjected. “Jiang Wanyin can return home at any time he wishes.”

Nie Huaisang glared, but his brother ignored him.

“He can also stay as long as he wishes,” he said, and this time it was Jiang Cheng’s turn to stare. “If you want others to respect him, you must first pay him the respect he deserves yourself. Now, I have to go, but Jiang Wanyin – know that our home is always open to you.”

He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, then ruffled Nie Huaisang’s hair, and left.

Jiang Cheng looked dazed.

Nie Huaisang smirked.

“…you said something about him giving out hugs?”

“Oh yeah,” Nie Huaisang said. “Great hugs.”

-

“I can’t believe you would betray me like this,” Nie Huaisang whined. “And after all I’ve done for you!”

“A little training’s not going to kill you,” Jiang Cheng said. “Come on already.”

“My brother put you up to this, didn’t he? You sold me out for a hug.”

“I sold you out for the opportunity to go on a proper night-hunt,” Jiang Cheng said. “Also, he said he was proud of the progress I’ve been making on my cultivation and sword training since I got here. And gave me a hug.”

Nie Huaisang grumbled but conceded that his brother was especially difficult to resist when he was in full big brother mode. If he wasn’t, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have been nearly so willing to give up the neat new sword he’d found in the Xuanwu’s cave and store it down in their saber halls until his brother and Baxia could figure out how to suppress it - he hadn’t even realized it was full of resentful energy at first, and he still thought it was especially aesthetic.

“Besides, if you don’t practice something soon, he’ll come after you himself,” Jiang Cheng said. “Wouldn’t you rather train with me?”

“No. You’re just as crazy as he is.”

Jiang Cheng looked disturbingly complimented.

“I’ll come look at your birds later,” he offered.

“You’d do that anyway,” Nie Huaisang said. “You love my birds.”

Jiang Cheng did, too. Nearly as much as he loved all the feral cats that roamed the walls of the Unclean Realm, every single one of which seemed to have immediately pegged him as a soft touch and come nosing around for treats – Nie Huaisang had never seen Jiang Cheng look so calm and peaceful as when he had a cat under his palm.

It really put into perspective how stressed he looked the rest of the time.

“Oh, all right,” he groaned, and Jiang Cheng beamed. “Just know that I hate you.”

“Same to you, Nie-gongzi,” Jiang Cheng said, completely insincere. “Same to you.”

-

“You know, I’m surprised my parents haven’t shown up to demand me back yet,” Jiang Cheng said over lunch one day. “It’s not – it’s not a problem. It’s only – I thought – Mother at least –”

“Oh, they’re demanding all right,” Nie Huaisang sniggered.

“…Nie Huaisang, what have you done,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Conspired, that’s what,” Nie Mingjue said. “I don’t know if I should thank you for discovering my brother’s sole talent, namely for scheming and conspiracies, or to blame you for it, Wanyin – but you do have very loyal friends.”

Jiang Cheng blinked.

“Well, first your parents went to Lanling,” Nie Huaisang explained. “On account of Jin Zixuan and Mianmian very obviously sneaking food around and buying all sorts of things that you would like before smuggling them – very poorly and obviously, mind you – into Jinlin Tower, and of course they were also overheard talking about something that sounded an awful lot like ‘Wanyin’; everyone assumed they were hiding you. Turns out they weren’t, of course; it was just a stray dog they’d named something with similar tones. Not their fault everyone got the wrong idea!”

Jiang Cheng’s eye twitched.

“And then, of course, they went to Gusu, on account of Lan Wangji telling everyone you were his sworn brother –”

“His what?!”

“Well, close enough. On account of how you saved his life.”

“I did not!”

“I thought I heard something about how you carried him on your back as you fled from the Xuanwu’s cave and the Wen sect’s ambushes, when he was exhausted and could not walk,” Nie Mingjue said mildly, and Jiang Cheng spluttered. “Had I heard wrongly?”

“…well, no…but...”

“Of course, you weren’t at Gusu,” Nie Huaisang continued, ignoring them both. “Though there were some heavy implications for a little while that you’d gone off with Lan-gongzi –”

“Isn’t he missing?”

Nie Mingjue coughed and looked down at his plate.

“And none of you said anything?” Jiang Cheng asked, looking between them. “At any point? Did you just, what, not talk to them?”

“I have spoken with your parents several times since they have started looking for you,” Nie Mingjue said, and his voice was suddenly hot with roiling anger. “I have concluded that Huaisang had a point regarding the necessity of their learning how to ask for your return.”

Jiang Cheng blinked.

“Your parents are jerks,” Nie Huaisang volunteered. “And you deserve better.”

“Yes, thank you,” Jiang Cheng said, a little strangled. “I think I – got that.”

“Good.”

-

“It’s just, my jiejie –”

“Supports you being here. She sent you a care package. It’s in your room.”

“…Wei Wuxian –”

“Sent a note along with the package. Says to keep up the good work.”

“How did you even get something like that?!”

“I have my ways.”

-

Nie Huaisang was staring blankly at the wall when Jiang Cheng walked in and did a double take.

“Okay,” he said to Nie Mingjue, sitting patiently nearby with a letter in his hands. “You broke him. How?”

“He just discovered that he inadvertently saved a great deal of lives,” Nie Mingjue said. “As did you, by agreeing to come here.”

“I only agreed to come here because you lied and told me it was necessary to help defend my sect,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, clearly not meaning it.

Nie Huaisang let out a high-pitched and somewhat hysterical giggle.

“It was,” Nie MIngjue said solemnly, offering him the letter. “It appears that Wen Chao was given permission to attack and crush the Jiang sect, but has been delaying in anticipation of your return on account of wanting to deal with all of you at once. The delay allowed our spies time to discover his plans, and to carry warnings to your parents. They were thus able to fortify the Lotus Pier’s defenses against invasion, and to hold it off until aid could arrive – which they wouldn’t have managed if he’d attacked at once, as he would have if you’d been there.”

Jiang Cheng stared.

“Would you like to sit down and stare at the wall?” Nie Mingjue offered kindly.

“…yes please.”

-

“How’d you convince him to let me come here, anyway?” Jiang Cheng asked Nie Huaisang as he packed up his things. He was finally heading back to the Lotus Pier, albeit only long enough to collect soldiers and come back to join what they’d started calling the Sunshot Campaign – his parents had finally figured out where he was and sent word that had, in the view of the Nie, just barely qualified as sufficient to get some leeway.

Lan Wangji was waiting in the hallway to escort him there, and he’d sworn to Nie Huaisang that he would not allow either of Jiang Cheng’s parents to say anything untoward while they were there. He’d looked very serious while he said it, too, which pleased Nie Huaisang to no end and made Jiang Cheng look more than a bit nervous.

“You’re only asking that now?” Nie Huaisang asked, amused.

Jiang Cheng shrugged. “You going to tell me or not?”

“It was easy,” he said. “I just invoked Nie sect principle three.”

“…what’s that?”

“‘A fire burns all the same’,” Nie Huaisang said. “Variously interpreted as: ‘Treat your neighbor’s harm as your own’, ‘Do not stand idly by as your neighbor bleeds’, or ‘Indifference to evil is equivalent to evil’.”

Jiang Cheng stared.

“How about ‘if you see someone who needs you, you have an obligation to act’?”

Jiang Cheng blinked. “Okay,” he said. “And?”

“And what?”

“And what else did you say? You convinced him to literally kidnap the heir of another Great Sect; I can’t believe that you accomplished that simply by saying ‘hey principle three applies here, let’s do this’.”

“Maybe I did,” Nie Huaisang sniffed.

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. “Fine, keep your secrets. I’ll get them out of you one day.”

“Maybe you will,” Nie Huaisang said.

-

“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said. “If I wanted to keep Jiang Cheng permanently, what principle would I have to invoke for that?”

“Nineteen.”

“Nineteen?” Nie Huaisang frowned. “But, da-ge, principle nineteen is the one about marriage – oooooooh.”

[joyfulholland]

The Peace Treaty - Mob!Tom

....when your father orders you to make peace with Tom Holland, heir to the other crime family, you find working together is not as horrendous as you once thought.....

a/n: enemies to lovers with mob!Tom...this was a labour of love but I really like how this turned out and I hope you do too! i was largely inspired by all of my insanely talented friend Hannah’s (@duskholland​) mob!Tom writing, which is an absolute must read for anyone and everyone! please let me know what you think! this was nearly a smut but I changed my mind so if anyone would be interested in a part 2 please send me a message!

warnings: swearing, lots of mentions of violence, some mentions of blood/injuries

word count: 6.1k

All weddings have a little drama somewhere, but you thought having to throw a knife to stop the unwanted guest escaping was a tad excessive.

Luckily, the majority of the wedding party and guests were out in the gardens, so it was only a select few who had seen you interrupt the man’s swift exit. You smirked in triumph as he turned back to face you, his posture having slumped realising that not only was he cornered, but severely outnumbered. Smoothing out the cobalt silk that was your bridesmaid dress, you took one step forward, before pausing at the cough from the man beside you.

Tom wordlessly flipped the pistol he was holding so that you could easily take it from him. His actions caused you to raise an eyebrow, and he smirked as he revealed the second handgun tucked into his waistband.

“Knew you wouldn’t be able to carry in that dress.” He grinned, eyes scanning your figure as you took the weapon from him. “Figured I better bring a spare so you wouldn’t have to miss out on the action.”

“Thank you.” You didn’t hide the surprise in your tone, still not used to his friendly attitude. Gesturing at the man still in the doorway, whose eyes were darting between you both, and the four other men behind you, you returned to the task at hand. “Shall we?”

“After you darling.”

~one week earlier~

“You can’t be serious Dad.”

Your father rolled his eyes from where he was seated across from you in front of the fire, the sound of laughter and music drifting under the door to his study from the party going on outside. Taking another sip of his whisky, he sighed at the incredulous look still plastered on your face.

“It’s time you made peace with him. I’m getting old, it’ll be your turn to run things soon, and we’d like to retire knowing the two of you aren’t at each other’s throats and throwing everything we built away. Besides, your sister’s wedding is almost here, and I want it to run smoothly.”

Sinking back into your chair, you let out a frustrated sigh before raising your own drink to your lips. Growing up as the eldest daughter of one of the two biggest crime families in London, you’d been raised preparing for the day it would be your turn to take on the “family business”, and you had relished in the prospect. The only issue you had taken to the entire affair, one which it seemed your father was now determined to resolve, was the heir to the other notorious family with whom you shared your work: Tom Holland.

One year older than you, the rivalry between you had started young. Both determined to prove you would one day be capable heads of your respective families, you’d attempted to one up each other at every opportunity available. Where he had excelled in marksmanship, your skill with a knife was incomparable to anyone else. When he began working for his father full time, you had begged your own to let you do the same, pleading that the fact he was older irrelevant. His specialty was smuggling, so you made disposal yours. The two of you even had a private scoreboard of times your activities had namelessly been displayed on the news, bragging that you were more successful at getting away with it than the other.

“Just shag him already.” Your younger sister, Isabelle, had groaned not a month before, as you’d finished regaling her with your recent triumph over him. “You’ve both been madly in love since you were about two years old.”

You’d almost spat your wine at her, the statement causing you off guard. Whilst it was no secret that Tom had suddenly become incredibly attractive over the course of a summer away when he was seventeen, you had made that fact irrelevant as your feelings towards him held nothing but contempt.

“I’m not in love with him.” Your words had come out as defiant, but it had only caused her to snort into her own drink. “Belle, he’s an arrogant, selfish arsehole who has done nothing but show as much hate towards me as I have to him since we were old enough to throw building blocks at each other.”

“I think you meant passion, not hate, but whatever.” She rolled her eyes, knowing when to drop a subject. “But it would be better for us all if you got along at least, and so help me God if the sexual tension between the two of you ruins my wedding I’ll murder you, heir to the firm or not.”

Which led you back to sitting across from your father, who had just informed you that he’d agreed with Tom’s father Dominic that the two of them were to hold ‘peace treaty’ talks between you.

“Did Belle put you up to this?” You asked suspiciously, eyes flashing to the door where you knew she would be holding court as the host of the wedding shower.

“She and your mother may have suggested it.”

“So she snitched to the both of you.”

“Actually, I think it was your mother’s idea first, she’s been speaking about it for a while.”

The smile on his face let you know you were defeated. It seemed they had all colluded together to force you into the ceasefire of your battle with Tom, and there was no way to escape it. Letting out another disgruntled sigh, you finished the remainder of your drink before rising from the chair.

“I assume he’s here.” The tone of your voice made your father let out a bark of laughter, and you knew you sounded like a child who had just been reprimanded. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Not waiting for an answer, you crossed the room and re-joined the party that your father had pulled you from, rearranging your face into a fake smile as you passed guests in various states of enjoyment on your way to the main reception area in your family estate. You’d barely stepped over the threshold of the doorway when his voice rang clearly above the music.

“Well, if it isn’t my new best friend.”

Turning to face him, you saw Tom push up from where he was leaning against the wall. Your eyes quickly scanned his body, noting the near-empty glass held loosely between two ring-clad fingers. His black suit jacket fitted him perfectly over a crisp white shirt, which had the top three buttons undone to reveal a thin gold chain around his neck. He was flanked on either side by his two most loyal friends, Harrison and Tuwaine, both of whom offered you a smile. Whilst the rivalry between yourself and Tom was strong, neither of you had ever taken any issue to those in both of your inner circles.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who’s had the play nice speech.” Skipping any greetings, you return the other men’s smiles before focusing on Tom. He gives a short chuckle at your words before raising his glass to his lips and finishing the remainder of his drink. “For the record, I have no intentions of becoming friends.”

“I’m wounded darling.” Tom’s still wearing an obnoxious smirk as a server comes to offer you a glass of champagne, taking away his empty glass in the process. “I thought we could make a a good team, make everyone even happier.”

“In your dreams, Holland.” You know he’s just baiting you, but with the prospect of at least a couple more hours of party ahead of you, your patience for him was limited. “We can be civil at events and make an effort in any deals. But that’s it. We are not, and never will be a team.”

Not giving him time to answer, you swiftly turned on your heels and entered further into the crowd of people celebrating your sister’s upcoming nuptials, determined not to let him ruin this night for you anymore, and not to think about him until the next time you saw him.

Which, it turned out, would be sooner than you had hoped.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The following morning, you had retreated back to your own apartment.

Having cited ‘business’ as your reason, you knew that your family had seen into your lie, and that you wanted to be able to sulk in peace. You’d promised, under threats of bodily harm, to return two days before the wedding, giving you a good four days to get your bad mood out of the way.

The alone time only lasted fifteen hours.

It was drawing close to two a.m. when the banging on your door disturbed you. You hadn’t fallen asleep yet, having been going over some files at your desk, but the loud beating had startled you, and was unexpected enough for you to grab your gun from your bottom draw before approaching the source. Checking the spy hole, a string of curses left your mouth as you unchained and unlocked the door.

Tom fell through the threshold, his brown curls dishevelled, and his knuckles bruised. A thin trail of blood trickled down the side of his face from a slash above his left eyebrow, and a dark patch pooling on his shoulder alluded to there being another injury beneath his shirt. Quickly shutting the door behind him and relocking it, you spun to glare at the man who was now propping himself up against the wall of your hall.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You asked him, taking another survey of his injuries, and noting the yellowing skin under his eye that had a blue tinge. He had never been to your apartment before, but it didn’t shock you that he knew the address, especially as you knew his. Instead, you chose to ask the next most prominent question. “Have you been stabbed or shot?”

“I was close by, needed to tell you something.” He ignores your question, so you move past him to get to your bathroom, noting the wince he tried to hide as he moved to follow. Gingerly sitting on the edge of your bathtub, he watches as you grab a first aid kit from the cabinet under your sink. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I’m not going to stand here and watch you bleed.” You roll your eyes at him as you turn to face him, gesturing towards his shirt as a hint for him to remove it. He does so slowly, grimacing as he tries not to move his shoulder. You can’t help but take a sharp gasp when you see the gash running over the top of his skin, clear that a bullet had skimmed past him and not quite missed. Tom sends you a weak smile as you turn back to grab something to clean the wound. “What were you so desperate to tell me anyway? You could have just called.”

“Like you’d have answered.” Tom jokes as you step forward to begin patching him up, a hiss falling through his lips as you make contact with his injury. “You’ve made it clear that you only want to speak to me on a need-to-know basis, and this was urgent. That’s going to need stitches isn’t it? Just try and stem the bleeding until I get home, Haz is pretty decent at sewing me up.”

Your eyes flashed to meet his for a brief second before returning to his shoulder, nodding at his question. You couldn’t deny that you probably would have rejected his call and had nothing else to say to him in response. Grabbing some gauze, you start to tightly pad over the wound, waiting for him to continue.

“I ran into Jason.” His words promptly stop your actions, and your eyes connect again. Jason Boule was the son of another crime family, one whom which neither your father or Tom’s had gotten ever along with, and one who had been attempting to sabotage both of your businesses for years. “I think they’re trying to get someone into the wedding.”

“What did he say?” You ask, finishing with his shoulder before grabbing something to start cleaning up his face. “And what did you say to make him shoot at you?”

“Asked me to pass on congratulations to the happy couple, claimed he was disappointed he hadn’t received an invite, that he was sure it was going to be a day to remember.” Tom spoke the last few words with gritted teeth as you wiped over the cut along his face. “Then he…I may have said something about how vermin weren’t usually invited to weddings, which is about when he shot at me.”

“You missed something out in the middle.” You smirked as it was Tom’s turn to roll his eyes, having not missed the way he’d changed his mind mid-sentence, passing him an instant-cool pack from your kit. “Hold that on your eye.”

“Thanks.” He muttered, doing as you told him. You waited expectantly, and he groaned before carrying on. “He may have said some shit about you in the middle, which I may have punched him for, but that wasn’t important to the alluding to sending someone to the wedding point.”

“You punched him for bad-mouthing me?”

“Well, yeah. Just because I give you shit for not being as good as me, doesn’t give him any right to. Especially not what he said, which I won’t repeat for the fact it was disgusting.”

Eyes once again locked on his, you found yourself lost for words. Tom had tried to joke it off, but the idea of him defending you, in any situation, felt like a foreign concept. Dropping your gaze down, you sucked in a breath at the realisation of the intimate situation the two of you were in: you, standing between his legs as he sat, shirtless, with only centimetres separating the two of you. As you raised your eyes slowly back to his, you found Tom’s gaze still fixed firmly on your face. A moment passed, and for a brief second you found yourself leaning closer, until a loud buzzing signalled Tom’s phone ringing in his pocket. Snapping yourself out of it, you took a step back, eyes returning to his and forcing your face to remain neutral as he glanced at his screen and sighed.

“You should get home, get your shoulder looked at properly.” Your words shattered the tension that had surrounded you both momentarily, and Tom coughed before nodding and reaching for his discarded shirt. “Thank you, Tom, for coming to tell me.”

“All part of the peace treaty.” His smile looked forced as he pulled his shirt back on and stood, passing you back the ice pack and making his way to leave your apartment. “You wanna tell your Dad-“

“No.” You cut him off quickly, running a hand through your hair as you think through the situation. “I… this wedding is important, and I don’t want him worrying. We can sort it right?”

“OK.” He nods, his usual smirk returning. “You’ll actually have to answer my calls though.”

“It’s a sacrifice I’m sure I can manage.” You roll your eyes at him, and Tom chuckles with a nod before going to unlock your door. “I’ll speak to some of my guys in the morning.”

“And you said we couldn’t be a team.”

“Go home Holland.” You sigh, gently pushing him out of your apartment. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Counting down the hours darling.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next few days were filled with flurries of phone calls between yourself and Tom, some more pleasant than others. Almost all of the calls were logistical; how many people the two of you planned on telling, whether or not to station someone at the exits. In an attempt to remain focused, you tried to keep your tone formal and business like, not deviating from the matter at hand.

The problem was Tom had other plans.

You’d be halfway through discussing exit routes when he’d suddenly ask your opinion on his suit for the wedding, or you’d be texting him floor plans and he would send back a picture of options for his shoes. And then of course, once or twice, the two of you would disagree about something and end up fighting, with one of you hanging up on the other before calling back almost immediately because it really wasn’t an issue you had time to ignore. Trying to balance getting along after so many years of competition, in addition to doing everything you could to ignore the moment that had transpired between you the night in your bathroom, as well as calls from your sister about last minute wedding worries was giving you a permanent migraine.

The day before the wedding, he called you just as you were finishing dinner with your family.

“Now’s really not the time.” You murmured, skipping any formal greeting as you stepped into the empty hallway. “I’ve just-“

“Come outside.” He cut you off, tone matching yours. “Got something you’ll wanna see.”

Not giving you a chance to respond, the line cut off, leaving you no choice but to follow his orders. Stepping into the snug, where everyone had retired to after finishing, you flashed an apologetic smile.

“I’ve just got to step out for a bit.” You told them, earning an eye roll from your mother and a curious look from your father. You shook your head slightly, reassuring him not to worry. “Won’t be too long.”

“If you’re not back when I go to bed I will kill you.” Isabelle sighed, head tilting back over the sofa from where she was seated in front of you. “Promise me you’ll stop and say good night.”

“Promise.” You mutter, dipping forward to kiss her forehead before retreating from the room. Hurrying down the hallway, you slipped out of the large front doors to see the outline of Tom leaning against his car, parked close to the doors of your garage. Crossing the gravel, the cool evening breeze made you shiver as you walked the dark to meet him, the hem of your dress grazing against your thighs. Getting close enough to make out his features, you called out to him. “Roddy let you in the gate?”

“Told him I had a meeting with you, he let me in no questions asked.” He hummed; body still angled from where he was leaning on the hood of his jaguar. “Figured you must have told him something.”

“Warned him we could have an unexpected visitor tomorrow so to not question you if you turned up.” You affirmed, crossing your arms around you in an attempt to keep warm. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

Tom’s eyes dropped to your arms and smirked, before pushing off his car and opening the door, tilting his head at it as a signal to get in. You did so wordlessly, sighing in content as he shut the door behind you and the heat of his car engulfed you. The car smelled more like Tom’s aftershave than any air freshener, which only strengthened when Tom had slipped into the driver’s seat moments later. As he reached across you to open the glove box, you held your breath as his arm, exposed from where he’d rolled up his sleeves, grazed your body, mind still determined to rid yourself of any minor attraction to him. Tom pulled out a large envelope, fingers brushing yours as he gave it to you before settling back into his own seat. Sliding out the contents, you found printed emails containing directions to your father’s study, as well as photographs of your family estate, and the name of a company which you were in the middle of a business deal with.

“May or may not have hacked into Boule’s emails.” Tom explained before you could ask, your eyes lifting from the papers in front of you to meet his. “I know we didn’t agree on that, but Paddy is becoming one hell of a whiz kid at it, so asked him to see if he could find anything.”

Smiling at the mention of Tom’s youngest brother, you returned your attention to the documents, speed reading through them as Tom waited for you to reply. Noticing the names on the email addresses, your eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You aren’t kidding about Paddy.” The surprise in your tone made Tom chuckle, and you lifted your gaze back to him. “These were coded, weren’t they?”

“Told you, kids got skills. Think we’re pretty lucky he’s already one of the family, or we’d all be fighting over him.”

“Well at least now we know what Jason’s coming after.”

“And that he’s only sending one guy. We’ll barely have anything to do.”

You chuckled softly at his words, leaning back against the chair and letting your gaze wander over the darkened landscape of your estate. You could only just make out the large marquee that had been erected for the wedding, most of it obscured by the dark as well as part of the house.

“Think we could have always worked together like this?” Tom’s words startle you, and you tilt your head to the side to find him mirroring your position. “You know, if you could have just admitted I was better when we were kids, then it would have been fine.”

You let out a short laugh, watching his lips pull into a grin at the sound. Seeing how smug he was, an idea flashed into your head. Before Tom could realise what was happening, you pushed yourself off your chair and swung your legs to straddle over his, pulling the small knife you had tucked into your belt free to press loosely against his neck.

“What was that about being better than me?” You asked, grinning as his expression changed from one of shock to frustration, his eyes rolling as he raised one hand to push gently at your hip. “You’re getting slow, Holland.”

“Doesn’t count.” He protested, eyes following your hand as you flipped the small blade back into the safety of its holder. “You’ve pulled bigger knives on me than that. Anyway, that wasn’t fair, I’m unarmed.”

“So I wouldn’t find your gun in the armrest box beside us?” You tease, settling back on Tom’s thighs and opening up the compartment to prove your point. “Oh, look, I was right.”

“You’re acting like you know more about me than I do you, but I’m well aware that you have another knife strapped on you, so this works both ways.”

“How do you know I have two?”

“Because you’ve been carrying two knives since you were seventeen after that job we had to do together that almost went wrong, and you only had one.”

“You remember that?”

“Course I do, you stole my car keys and refused to let me drive myself home.”

“Because you’d been shot.”

“I was barely bleeding.”

“That’s because the bullet was still stuck in your ribcage. Just because I hated you didn’t mean I wanted you to die. Besides, I was right. You passed out barely five minutes later.”

“You hated me?”

“Back then? Immensely.”

“And now?”

You hadn’t realised that you’d been getting closer to him, but as Tom asked his question, you felt his breath fan across your face. He’d sat up straighter, his hands sliding up to sit on your waist, whilst yours sat at the base of his chest, your eyes level and lips centimetres apart. Up close, you could see the mark left behind above his eyebrow from the fight a few nights prior, and the yellow tint below his eye where his bruising hadn’t fully healed. Tom’s eyes didn’t leave yours as he waited for you to answer, his thumbs dragging slow circles against your sides.

“Maybe a little less.”

You were sure your words had been inaudible, but Tom somehow seemed to hear them, and he smiled before lifting one of his hands to cup your neck and bring your head forward to close the gap between you. His lips brushed over yours tentatively as your eyes fluttered closed, both of you still hesitant in this unchartered territory. As his tongue swiped across your bottom lip, you emitted a soft sigh, hands tightening around the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer.

Doing so changed the mood from hesitation to excitement, and Tom tightened the grip on your neck as the kiss deepened. His other hand, which had still been sitting on your waist, slowly moved down and dipped below your dress until it was holding the back of your thigh. Breaking the kiss to catch your breath, Tom used his hold on your head to angle it, his lips trailing steadily along your jaw.

“If you leave any marks I’ll stab you.” Your threat was undermined by the moan that immediately followed it, as Tom found the spot by your ear, and you felt him grin against your skin before he pressed a final kiss to you and pulled back to meet your gaze. “I mean it, I’m not walking down the aisle behind my sister covered in hickies. It’ll be your funeral instead.”

“I love it when you threaten to kill me.” He smirks, darting forward to capture your lips once more. Pushing him lightly, he groaned as he fell back against his chair, the hand on your neck falling to his side. “Alright, alright. You don’t need to worry darling, because as much as I want to, the first time I fuck you isn’t going to be in my car.”

“The first time?” You push back from him, raising an eyebrow as he smirked. Tom simply hummed at your question, the hand on your neck dropping to grab both of yours. You waited for him to respond, only growing annoyed as he did nothing but smirk at you. Losing your patience with him, you wrench your hands free to lean across and open the car door. “You’re so infuriating, that’s why we never worked as a team. Your ego.”

“Definitely nothing to do with your temper either.” You weren’t looking at his face as you climbed out of the car, but you could practically hear him roll his eyes. Smoothing out your dress as the cool, evening breeze engulfed you once more, you turned to head back to the house, before he called out behind you. “You’re welcome, by the way. For the information.”

“Thanks!” You shout back, not turning your head as you continue back to the house. Tom’s laugh carries across the driveway, followed by the sound of his car door closing. Reaching the front door, you look back as you step back inside, watching as his engine purred to life before gliding back towards the gates. Quietly closing the door, you begin making your way to your room, noticing that most of your family had already made their way to bed. Stopping at the door before yours, you knock softly before hearing a muffled come in, cracking open the door to smile at your sister. “Just wanted to know if I’m being killed or not?”

“I’ll let you off.” Isabelle rolled her eyes from where she was laying in her bed but grinned back as you leant against the door frame. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, all good.”

“You’d tell me if there was something, right?”

“Absolutely.” You lied, pushing off the wall to cross the room and press a kiss to her cheek. “Now get some beauty sleep, or Adam won’t want to marry you.”

“Like you’d let him back out.” Belle joked, referring to how her husband-to-be worked for the family business. “Love you.”

“Love you.” You hummed back, before leaving the room and entering your own. Flipping on the light, you sighed before preparing for bed, thinking of what was to come in the next twenty-four hours.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“After you darling.”

Your eyes returned to the intruder cornered by the door, thinking over how you’d ended up here. The wedding itself had gone without a hitch; your sister and her now husband had exchanged rings and vows in front of everyone without any noticeable hiccups. You’d spotted Tom as you’d led the bridesmaids down the aisle and had determinedly kept your gaze away from him throughout the ceremony, only exchanging a curt nod as you’d left to take part in the official photo’s, trusting him to keep an eye. It was the only contact you’d had with him until you spotted what you’d been waiting all day to see, Freddie, one of your men, signalling you from across the reception party. Politely excusing yourself from the conversation you were in, you had wordlessly tapped Tom’s arm on your way back to your family house, hearing him do the same before following with Harrison and Tuwaine behind him. With the advanced knowledge you had gained from Paddy’s hacking abilities, the two of you, each flanked by two of your men, had found and cornered the intruder before he’d made it farther than the entry hall.

“I know Boule sent you, and why he sent you, and given the occasion, I don’t have time or patience to waste on your excuses.” You sighed, stopping in front as Freddie and Ralph moved to stand either side of him. Toying with the gun you now held, you watched as his eyes darted between the weapon and your face. “So you’re going to swiftly leave, and run and tell him nice try, but maybe next time. Because if you try anything else, the next knife I throw won’t miss.”

He hadn’t got a chance to respond before Freddie and Ralph had taken him by both arms, nodding at you before escorting him out of the building. You watched them go, as Tom followed suit. For a second, you thought he was leaving too, before he stopped to retrieve the knife you had thrown earlier, still lodged in the door. Wordlessly returning to you, he held the blade out for you to take, and you offered him a tight smile as you swapped it for the gun he had offered you earlier.

“Not that you need it,” Tom joked as you returned the knife to the strap on your inner thigh. Your eyes found his in surprise, watching as he replaced both of the guns he now held in his waistband. “What with you having two and all.”

“Thanks.” You muttered, before spinning on your heel to face his two friends. “We should get back.”

“She can’t possibly have two knives on her?” Harrison hissed to Tom, the three men a few paces behind you as you made your way back to the garden.

“Oh, trust me, she can.”

“Where?”

Smiling to yourself as the fresh air engulfed you once more, you re-entered the marquee to see no change to the scene from when you had left it: some people dancing, some milling around speaking and laughing, others still finishing their food at various tables. Eyes scanning the guests around you, they landed on the bride herself striding across the room determinedly in your direction.

“You lied to me.” She accused, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you to the dancefloor. Isabelle released her grip on you as the music changed to a slower song, wrapping instead wrapping them around you to sway slowly to the music. “You said that everything was fine, and then you sneak off to stop one of Boule’s men breaking into Dad’s study.”

“How the hell did you find out?” The smile was still on your face as the two of you spun in a small circle, mainly because despite her tone, she was still beaming herself. “I didn’t even tell Dad.”

“Roddy told me.” Her tone was smug as her eyes wandered from your face to look around the tent. “After I watched you leave that is. You didn’t really think I wouldn’t notice my own sister leave my wedding?”

“Well, I hoped the wedding thing might cause some distraction.”

“Fat chance.” She snorted, eyes returning to yours. “I’ve got a particular skill set that comes in handy. Don’t think I didn’t see Tom follow.”

“He was the one who found out about it originally.” Your tone changed as you thought over what had transpired between you. “You know he brought an extra gun because he knew I wouldn’t be able to have on today?”

“The fact that it surprises you is hilarious.” She laughs, stepping back from you and unwrapping her arms, only to link her fingers through yours instead. “You know that he’s-“

“Don’t say it.”

“Fine. I’ll let him tell you.”

“What-“

“Mind if I cut in?” You whipped your head to find Tom behind you, watching as he sent a winning smile to your sister. “Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks Tom, she’s all yours.” Belle grinned back, pulling you in to kiss your cheek, before muttering in your ear, “You’ll thank me eventually.”

Releasing you completely, you watched as she passed Tom with another smile, walking straight into her new husband’s outstretched arms. Your gaze returned to the man in front of you, watching cautiously as he held out his hand.

“Oh, come on.” He laughed, seeing your hesitation. “Think about how happy our father’s will be to see their peace treaty working.”

Rolling your eyes, you placed your hand in his and allow him to pull you closer, your other hand rising up to rest on his shoulder.

“You stormed away last night before I could explain myself.” His voice was low in your ear as he began to move the two of you in time with the music. “Never have been a fan of letting me have the last word.”

“If this is an apology it sucks so far.” You reply, your tone light as you try not to focus on the warmth of his hand on your waist.

“I’m not going to apologise, it wasn’t the right moment.”

“You said that like you’ve been planning it.”

“Only every day since you stole my car keys.”

“Now I know you’re taking the piss.”

Pulling back to meet his gaze, you found nothing but sincerity as he took a breath to explain.

“You got the money we went there for whilst simultaneously holding three men twice your size at gunpoint, and then got us both out of there despite the fact I’d been shot. Then you took my keys and yelled at me whilst taking me home until I passed out.” The look on his face now was nothing like you had ever seen, his eyes searching yours as he continued. “Darling, as much as I really do enjoy the way you look when you’re mad at me, the main reason I’ve been antagonising you more and more the past few years was so I actually have a chance to spend time with you. Now if I’m making a complete twat of myself, say the word and we can continue the way we are and forget I ever said a word of this.”

“Tom-“

“You know you only ever call me that when I’ve been shot.” He mutters, a hint of his usual smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Should I be worried?”

“You know I was already reluctant to admit that I might feel the same way, and now I’m going to take it back...”

Your words died on your lips as he silenced you with his own, dropping your hand to cradle your face as he kissed you softly. You could feel him grinning against you before he pulled back, thumb dragging softly against the skin of your cheek.

“This doesn’t mean I’m going easy on you now, you know.” You mutter, unable to stop your own smile taking over. “I mean, if you think that just because we’re together I’d start letting you-”

“Letting me?” Tom’s bark of laughter inspired your smile to grow even more, the incredulous look in his eyes quickly morphing into his trademark smirk. “I’m sorry, who was it who discovered Boule’s plans for today?”

“Only because you got into a fight over me. Admit it Holland, I’m your weakness. It’s not my fault you’re so in awe of my talents.”

“If I kiss you again, will you stop being so competitive?”

“Depends, maybe you should it try and find out.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

did you like it? did you hate it? let me know either way as well as anything else you want to see me write!

tagging some lovely people: @gonzalezyon @nowayhomeparker @sinisterspidey​ 

[where-theres-smoak-2]

What Was Aleksander Thinking? (The Runaway)

Ok so I am bored and I can’t sleep so obviously I decided to rewatch S&B again. And as it always does it got me thinking so I am thinking I might do a series of posts centred on various events that take place in the show and do a deep dive into what Aleks was thinking, what his thought process was during those events and how those thoughts influenced his actions. This post obviously being the first in the series and this time I want to focus on Alina running away and what Aleks’ thought process was when he was pursuing her. So obviously show spoilers here. Also as always this one got really really long.  

I’m going to start with the moment that he discovers she is missing. Obviously we know that he leaves because he has just received word that an assassin has made it into the LP and attacked Genya and Marie with Alina being the target of the attack. We can assume during the time he is away, and whilst Baghra is outing him to Alina, that Aleks was likely in the fitting room being filled in on what happened. So whilst away he would have learned that not only was there an attack but that Marie had died in that attack. I think we don’t think about how much this would have hurt Aleks. He built the LP as a safe haven for Grisha, its suppose to be the one place where they are truly safe, but now one of his grisha has died inside its walls. I feel like this would have made Aleks even angrier and maybe even guilty and like he failed in providing that haven he had promised himself at 13 he would make for the grisha. So naturally upon hearing that the assassin had actually killed a grisha his immediate response instead of going and speaking to The Conductor/ assassin is to check in on Alina. You can see how eager he is to see her as he comes into the room. When he doesn’t see her in the war room he doesn’t panic right away, instead he heads straight to the bedroom whilst calling her name and knocking in the most adorable way on the table as he goes. It is when he discovers that Alina isn’t there either that I think he begins to become worried. The next time we see him is when he is crossing the grounds and encounters his mother. The context of this scene though is important because the scene before it shows Jesper with the coaches and he quickly hides as soldiers go running by shouting ‘He’s over there!’ and ‘Quickly, get in there!’ Seeing as this scene follows right after Inej kills the Inferni, I actually think this was when they had just discovered the Inferni’s body. So when we see Aleks crossing through the grounds its likely that he has also just learnt that another one of his grisha has been killed which would indicate that the assassin wasn’t alone. So knowing this he is naturally very concerned about the fact that he can’t find Alina. We can see that he is very agitated, he is walking fast and looking around quickly, checking everywhere, his fists are clenched. Then he comes across his mother who can obviously see that he is searching for someone but she assumes he is looking for M*l. This is one of the things that makes me sure that Aleks really did care for Alina because at this point he is so focused on Alina that he has completely forgotten about the Stag, which seeing as the stag is the thing that will give him control over her powers if her powers were the only thing he cared about he wouldn’t have forgotten about it. Instead he has to ask his mother who she is talking about because the only thing he was thinking about in that moment was finding Alina and making sure she was safe. After his impassioned speech about Alina being the one that his mother interrupts with ‘but where is she’ I think Aleks begins to suspect that maybe his mother had something to do with the assassination attempt, maybe she helped them into the LP, she had just admitted to disposing of M*l after all. So he warns her and points out that she doesn’t matter anymore either. I kept wondering what he meant by this line and I think it might be because up until now I feel like Aleks stuck with his mother because she was the only other immortal and so despite them not really seeing eye to eye he knows without her he will well and truly be alone. But now there is Alina and she is immortal and so Aleks won’t have to be alone if he leaves Baghra. When he’s warning her I did notice that Baghra did look sad and hurt when he says that she doesn’t matter. He is basically telling her that she is disposable herself now, that he no longer needs her. Of course this conversation only agitates and worries him further. As he walks away you can see him clenching and unclenching his fists and to me it looked like he was trying really hard to keep calm and keep his emotions in check. As he is walking away Baghra calls after him ‘I reckon you’d need a skilled tracker to find her now, pity.’ Obviously she is mocking him here but this does tell him two things, one Alina is still alive and two she’s not in the LP anymore. 

 After his talk with his mother he goes to The Conductor to interrogate him, I do think part of the reason he goes straight there is because he wants to know whether his mother did help the crow crew kidnap Alina but also because he is desperate to find Alina as quickly as he can and so needs all the information he can get. At first when the interrogation starts Aleks is his usual calm and collected self. But Aleks is very smart and after centuries on this earth can read people very well and so he very quickly figures out that his prisoner is The Conductor by putting together the report from Nina and the fact that The Conductor says he crossed the fold with three others. Here we actually see Aleks become angry, The Conductor is clearly someone he already hated, he even loses his cool and shouts when talking about how The Conductor smuggles grisha out of his palace and helps them abandon the war effort. He manages to get his emotions back under control and again when he continues he appears calm, but his eyes betray his anger, however that venom he feels towards The Conductor comes through again when he questions whether The Conductor had something to do with Nina’s disappearance. At this point he knows this man has smuggled grisha out of the LP, has helped a crew planning to kidnap Alina into the LP, has tried to kill Alina. It doesn’t take much for him to put all the pieces together and figure out that he was also working with Zlatan. The look of absolute hatred and loathing on Aleks’ face when The Conductor admitted that he agreed to kill Alina for Zlatan for a million kruge was actually really chilling. This was the man who had tried to take Alina away from him, the woman who he had waited for, had longed and ached for over hundreds of years and he was going to take her away for something as materialistic as money. The moment he admitted to it The Conductor had signed his death warrant. But you know what? I also think he signed the death warrants of everyone in Novokribirsk too because I really do believe it was at this moment that Aleks decided to take drastic action to get rid of Zlatan and his rebel forces. This is what he means when he says to The Conductor ‘No. I think I’ll take care of that myself’ when he offers to get revenge on Zlatan for Aleks. As he is walking away The Conductor asks how he can help and Aleks replies that he already has, which is true, he had helped Aleks decide what to do with Zlatan, he had confirmed by not mentioning her that Baghra hadn’t helped kidnap Alina though in Aleks’ mind he thinks she clearly knew something about it considering she made that comment of where is she, he doesn’t know about his mother’s own plot to help Alina escape so he probably assumes his mother saw the crows take Alina, and he also now knows that it was in fact the crows that took Alina so he now has a target to pursue.   

So by this point Aleks has realised that Alina is missing and has now discovered who took her, so now its all systems go in searching for her. This is when Fedyor comes to give his report about Nina, but when he says he has a lead on ‘her’ Aleks thinks he means Alina and you can see for a moment that he is relieved, happy and hopeful. But then you can see his disappointment when he realises Fedyor is talking about Nina and he looks a little angry too which I think is the residual anger left over from The Conductor and from the fact that he has lost two of his grisha within the walls of the LP. When he tells Fedyor to go as far as he can and bring back any grisha he finds I think this is again because he wants to protect grisha and he wants them behind the walls of the LP so they can be protected but he also wants ‘one of theirs’ because the events of the night have clearly brought up alot of his anger at the grisha being hunted and killed and how that never seems to change, he is very much in this mindset of wanting to hurt anyone who has even so much as thought about hurting even one of his grisha, he wants vengeance and not just for them trying to hurt Alina but for trying to hurt grisha as a whole. So this means killing the Conductor, this means killing the crows, this means killing Zlatan and this means killing any Fjerdan/ Witch Hunter he can get his hands on. I really do think that Aleks was coming to a breaking point and I think the catalyst for that was losing Alina, he feels unbalanced and lost without her and as the time that he is away from her goes on he becomes more and more erratic and unhinged.    

The next scene we get is between Zoya and Aleks and he instructs her to assemble a team which includes David because they are going to be pursuing Alina’s ‘kidnappers’. Zoya is clearly confused about why David is going to come and Aleks answers that he’ll need him for what comes next obviously meaning after they find Alina and needing him for the stag amplifier. Now I’ve said this before but I really don’t think this is because he was already planning to force the collar on her and steal her powers. I actually think Aleks is thinking more along the lines of, I nearly lost Alina to an assassin and now she has been taken against her will to essentially be sold to some stranger across the fold, I need to get her back and then I need to make her as powerful as possible so that if there’s a next time that someone tries to harm her she’s even more powerful and even more capable of defending herself. If she has the stag amplifier then there’s even less chance that he will lose her and she will be even more his equal. Throughout this scene we can see that Aleks looks flustered and scattered, he’s moving from place to place, he’s picking up one map then looking at this piece of parchment. He’s very distracted and even when giving instructions to Zoya he barely even looks at her and is only half paying attention when she starts asking questions. When she then brings up the possibility that Alina was rescued and ran with the crows Aleks actually looks really irritated, he doesn’t even consider it as a possibility, his facial expressions is basically saying why are you bothering me with this nonsense I’ve got more important things to worry about like rescuing Alina. I mean it is very obvious at this point that he believes this is a rescue operation. Zoya keeps pushing saying that Alina didn’t fit in, that she was under alot of pressure and this is when Aleks snaps a little. He tells Zoya he knew exactly how Alina felt, that the King’s men treated him the same way. Zoya is clearly surprised at his outburst, this is someone who is usually very in control of themselves. You can also see on Aleks’ face that he realised he let out more information than he meant to, he’s surprised at himself. Then he sighs and shakes his head while sinking onto the bed, clearly hit by fatigue and tiredness and says he’s not feeling himself. It’s actually a rare moment of vulnerability, one that Zoya responds too by bringing up how he used to call on her. Aleks makes it pretty clear he’s not interested in talking about that with his very dismissive ‘Did I?’ Zoya doesn’t take the hint though and keeps pushing continuing to talk about how she used to help him relax clearly offering to help him ‘relax’ again. But Aleks just dismisses her again and says he’ll relax when he has Alina making it very clear to Zoya that whatever they had in the past is staying in the past. 

I do think that Aleks is grappling alot with his past in this episode. I think alot of things are reminding him of the past, The Conductor and Nina being taken by the Fjerdans is reminding him of all the suffering and prosecution he’s witnessed his people go through and how he was hunted by the old king, his conversation with his mother reminding him of his poor relationship with her and all the issues he had with her over the years, Zoya reminding him of how lonely he was and how he used to seek comfort through a casual fling with her just so he could get some human contact when he was feeling particularly stressed and of course Alina being missing reminding him of all the lovers he’s lost, in particular Luda. On top of that as I said before he’s feeling very unbalanced without Alina. His emotions are all over the place, he’s clearly still very worried and concerned for Alina, he’s feeling alot of anger at the crows, at his mother, he’s feeling the stress of trying to find Alina whilst also dealing with everything else that is going on like Nina also being missing. Basically Aleks is just not having a good time of it. So by the time he leads the hunt for the crows and comes across Kaz he’s already in a pretty foul mood. Also as a mentioned above he has alot of anger at the crows for taking Alina and killing grisha in the LP. When Kaz says that they don’t have Alina and that she fled on her own Aleks for a moment looks surprised he literally stops dead in his tracks. But he gets this look on his face and you can see he is trying to figure Kaz out and looks very suspicious and comes to the conclusion that Kaz must be lying. So again he insists on knowing where Alina is. But again Kaz says he doesn’t know, that it was obvious she didn’t want to be a captive anymore. You can see it starting to dawn on Aleks that Kaz may be telling the truth, him talking about how she didn’t want to be a captive anymore and Zoya earlier talking about how Alina didn’t fit in and was under alot of pressure and Aleks is starting to think maybe Alina felt trapped and ran by herself. You can see that he has tears in his eyes and is clearly very hurt at the idea that Alina left him willingly. He becomes angry and tries to kill Kaz. I said earlier that Aleks is very much on a hunt for anyone who he believes has wronged him or the grisha and the crows are very much on this list so naturally when Kaz escapes this only makes Aleks angrier. In those moments right after Kaz escapes Aleks is left alone with his thoughts and you can see him processing everything and to be honest the man looks completely destroyed. He’s clearly struggling alot with this new information that Alina ran on her own, that she didn’t want to be with him, that she chose to leave him. Now this bit is more my theory on what I think he might be thinking at this moment its not really based on anything just to me it would be a natural thought process. But I do think on his walk back to the carriage he would have been thinking it all over and coming up with a plan. So what is this new plan? Well I think Aleks would figure from what Kaz said about being a captive and everything Zoya said, that Alina is feeling trapped and is maybe getting overwhelmed by everything and so ran away scared. I mean when he does get back to where the carriage is supposed to be he actually seems alot calmer and I think this is because he believes now that yes Alina ran on her own but she only left because she just got overwhelmed about having so many lives to safe and once he finds her he can calm her down and reassure her and she’ll come home again. This is why he doesn’t seem bothered about chasing the crows, as much as he hates them and as much as he wants them dead, Alina is his priority and as he says she is on her own. Basically he is back in the mind set of she needs my help, she’s on her own and she’s scared, I’m going to find her and bring her home and keep her safe. 

Of course all that changes when he speaks to the guy Alina attacked. During the first part of the conversation Aleks seems happy and relieved, he knows Alina was there and now he knows that she headed into the woods. But then the guy makes the comment about her being a spy and talks about how a first army tracker was also looking for her. I think in this moment Aleks thinks he’s figured out what happened, but is obviously wrong. He thinks that his mother helped Mal rescue Alina and that Alina chose to run with Mal and the two of them are going after the stag together. Here’s why he thinks that, firstly he knows how Alina has strong feelings for M*l and vice versa. Secondly Alina made that comment in episode three asking if any grisha had escaped the LP, thirdly his mother told him that Mal was dead and yet not only is he alive but he is with Alina which looks really bad for Baghra, he probably thinks that Baghra convinced Alina to claim the stag for herself and then sent the two of them after it so that Aleks couldn’t get the stag’s power. He probably thinks this was a long term thought out plan that took place during Baghra's lessons with Alina that they were conspiring together. He might even think that the kisses he and Alina shared were actually Alina trying to get him to let down his guard and distract him. So he is now feeling angry, hurt, betrayed and used. Also from the way he says the line about orphan’s of keramzin reuniting he is also obviously jealous and to be honest I also think he’s heartbroken. I think it’s telling that when he informs his team that she’s in the woods and going after the stag he uses miss starkov, he does often interchange what name he uses for her depending on the situation and in this case I think he’s trying to distance himself from her again to go back to that formality. I believe this is the moment he decided that he was going to kill the stag himself and take Alina’s powers for himself. He has decided that he has been a fool and that he can’t trust her, that by letting her in he lost sight of his mission to protect the grisha and that’s led to him losing three of his grisha in the last 24 or so hours. He can’t risk the grisha’s future again so the only path he can follow now is to force Alina to help him by taking control of her powers. He’s not merely searching for her anymore, he’s hunting her.

When he does finally catch up with her alot of his thoughts are confirmed for him, she is with M*l, she is with the stag so in his mind he must have been right about it all, she did chose to run away with M*l and go after the stag herself because she is acting against him along with his mother. But as I’ve mentioned in previous posts I also think in this moment seeing Alina distressed over an injured M*l and desperate to save him and the stag he is thinking alot about Luda and how he was once in a similar position and I do think the protectiveness he feels for her and his desire to save her from going through the same experiences he did takes over. As angry at her as he is and as hurt as he is, he still cares deeply for Alina, he just doesn’t think he can trust her anymore because in his mind she betrayed him for M*l and now instead of them working together she is working against him. I think this is why he does have that conversation with her before he puts the collar on her about how there’s nothing more powerful than the two of them together and how they can do anything together. He wants her to be on his side again. But he doesn’t have all the information, he believes that his mother has said something to Alina to turn her against him but he doesn’t know exactly what she said. He gets little clues once he is reunited with Alina, he knows that Alina knows his name is fake, that she has told her about the stag, seeing as Alina also keeps asking about the fold he has probably guessed that Baghra told her about his plans to weaponize it. When talking to M*l he discovers that M*l knows he is the Black Heretic and likely assumes that Baghra told him. But it isn’t until he goes to talk to Alina that he realises the mistake he’s made, that Baghra actually told Alina that he is the Black Heretic and that is why she ran. As their conversation continues and Alina says that line about how they could have had this, they could have had it all, he realises that she didn’t run because she wanted to be with M*l, she didn’t kiss him because she wanted to distract him and bring his guard down. She ran because she found out he had created the fold. When she puts his hand on her collarbone and says ‘instead you made me this’ he realises just how big of a mistake he’s made and that he really has lost her now. By putting the collar on her he proved his mother right and so now Alina doesn’t trust him at all. He became the villain to her and he can’t take it back. So instead he commits to it and instead he focusses on his original mission of protect the grisha at all cost and he once again distances himself from her. 

Ok so that’s it for part one of ‘What Was Aleksander Thinking?’ I’m not sure how many of these I’m going to make or even what scene or event I am going to do next, but they are fun to do and it gives me a reason to keep rewatching scenes, so I will probably be posting another one fairly soon. If there are any scenes in particular anyone wants me to write about feel free to let me know.  

[smiting-finger]

alive, and back on my usual nonsense

So after getting preoccupied with other things and temporarily falling off the face of the planet (for like an entire year ಥωಥ), I was thinking about the kdrama Mr. Queen (which I've been meaning to watch), and the Chinese novel it was based on (太子妃升职记, which I read a few years ago and very much enjoyed), and this popped out--

Wei Wuxian’s first thought is that there seem to be an awful lot of female voices around, for a bedroom inhabited by two men. Did he drink too much last night? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s overindulged on a trip to the town and woken up in a strange place the next morning, but that kind of problem has been cropping up a lot less frequently now that he has Lan Zhan around to ferry him home.

(Sometimes literally, on his back. His broad, strong--)

But perhaps Lan Zhan had gotten drunk, too? In which case, Wei Wuxian should consider them lucky to have woken up surrounded by people, rather than chickens, rabbits or, notably, on one occasion, mounds of resentful cabbages.

The chatter around him continues, pitched high with youth and - is that anxiety? It's interspersed with the odd interjection from what sounds like one (calmer, if more exasperated) older woman and a man. Probably not a nunnery, he decides. Perhaps the back rooms of a pleasure house? Although, if that’s the case, this amount of excitement over a mere two men is honestly a little excessive.

He reaches out tentatively, but pats all the way across the mattress to the edge without finding his usual bedfellow. A much less tentative venture towards the other side produces similar results.

Hm.

Wei Wuxian cracks open an eye and heaves himself upright, absent-mindedly scratching at his (unusually soft - as much as he hates to admit it, maybe Nie Huaisang has a point about drinking less and training more) side and squinting into the too-bright light until the person-shaped blur in front of him sharpens into focus.

“Niang niang!” a complete stranger cries tearfully, clutching at the sleeve of his other arm. “You’re awake! Thank Heavens, you’re awake! Physician Liu, quick, quick!”

A cushion is produced from somewhere and thrust expectantly between Wei Wuxian and the elderly man sitting at his bedside.

He sighs. It’s probably not worth fighting.

Wei Wuxian smacks his upturned wrist onto the unusually lavish brocade and is only a little surprised when it’s covered by a cloth before the physician reaches to take it.

(Do they think he’s diseased?)

((Is he diseased?!))

(((Is that why Lan Zhan isn’t here?)))

He looks at the row of young girls (+ 1 matron) kneeling along the wall to his left, dressed identically to the first and also now beginning to prostrate themselves and wail about “Niang niang!” and blessings and deserving to die.

Not a pleasure house, then.

He looks around at the rest of the richly-furnished room and its intricately-carved wooden furniture, the wealth of jade carvings and the obscene amount of gold that's gilding … everything (so shiny). The opulence of it all would put even Jin Guangshan to shame.

So, not a nunnery either.

He looks down at the small hands, delicate wrists and - he clutches one abruptly just to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him - breasts of the body that he certainly was not inhabiting yesterday.

“Well,” he says aloud, unable to stop himself from wincing at the high, soft voice that emerges despite fully expecting it. “It’s not the first time this has happened.”

===

Two days, one diagnosis of shock-induced memory loss and some discreet enquiries (as well as some indiscreet enquiries) later, this is what he knows about his situation:

He’s the main consort (unfavoured) of the crown prince of whatever place he’s landed in;

Three days ago, following a disagreement with one Consort Yun (favoured, main competitor for husband’s affections);

In the course of this disagreement, both women somehow fell into a palace lake and mostly-drowned;

Consort Yun (admittedly quite pretty) was revived at the scene, but Wei Wuxian took a full day to “miraculously” recover;

Angered by the unseemly behaviour of her daughters-in-law, particularly upon learning that the Crown Princess’s first act upon waking was to stumble upon a chance meeting between the Crown Prince and Consort Yun in one of the pleasure gardens and bodily throw herself between them (a tactical error on Wei Wuxian’s part. He’d been trying to throw himself over the battlements to freedom, but he’d gotten lost and scaled the wrong wall), the Empress (Crown Prince’s political opponent, not particularly fond of either consort) grounded both of them to their respective residences for a month, with no visitors allowed.

Which brings him to his current position, feeding the fish in his personal pond as an excuse to be alone. Not truly alone - he shoots a pointed glance at the maids watching anxiously from the other side of the courtyard - because he’s apparently a “suicide risk” now (and honestly, yes, he’d meant to throw himself off that roof, but he hadn’t meant to die - it’s simply that this new body’s cultivation level is not what he’s come to expect even from Mo Xuanyu’s modest abilities), but alone enough to start planning his next move.

Direct escape is out - he didn’t have a plan for what to do once he’d gotten out anyway, and honestly he’s better-resourced for finding out how he got here in the Palace than anywhere else, so it’s no great loss.

“What do you think, Master Fish?” Wei Wuxian asks a gold and black spotted koi with particularly sage-looking whiskers. “Shall I just stay here for the time being?”

It’s not a terrible place to be for the time being, he must admit, throwing more food into the water and watching the fish swarm. Being grounded, he’s at no risk from the Crown Prince’s amorous attentions for a month (a salute of gratitude to the Empress for the inadvertent protection). And thanks to Consort Yun and her voluptuous figure (and if the Crown Prince is more partial to that than the Zhao Feiyan style of willowy fragility that Wei Wuxian seems to have inherited, who can honestly blame him?), he’s at no great risk from them after that, either (a salute of gratitude to the unknowing sister-in-arms, taking one - and hopefully a great many more after that - for the team).

According to his maid (sleeve-clutcher extraordinaire, who even now is boring two holes into his skull with her woeful gaze from across the way while he does nothing more suspicious than scatter another handful of feed towards some latercomer fish), the body he’s inhabiting comes from a powerful military lineage. In particular, her father is (was?) a powerful general who currently commands more than half the nation’s military forces and has the absolute trust of the Emperor. So that more or less keeps him safe from the machinations of the majority of the nest of vipers in this palatial cesspit.

That just leaves the Empress, who - if his servants and the smuggled letters from the Original Goods’s mother (a salute of gratitude to the worthy woman for spelling it out so that even such an interloper as he can understand) are anything to go by - would definitely kill him to damage the Crown Prince’s political standing or throw any sort of roadblock in the way of him from becoming Emperor.

Less immediately - if his secret informants are anything to go by (a salute of gratitude to the resourceful host for cultivating such a valuable resource if not her dantian) - it also leaves the Crown Prince, who, upon cementing his power as Emperor, would also definitely kill his current Crown Princess in order to wedge his beloved Consort Yun into the Empress role.

Really, the only road to any sort of security for someone in his position is to raise the next Imperial heir, outlive the Original Goods’s faithless husband and become the Empress Dowager.

Hopefully Wei Wuxian will be long gone by then, but if leaving means the Original Goods will return (from … Mo Xuanyu’s body? The Ether? Or???) - well, he doesn’t want to repay her hospitality by leaving her house in a mess, so to speak. So he’ll try to set her on that career path, if he can.

But that’s an aspirational goal. First, he has to not-die before he can find out how to get himself home.

And find out how to get himself home.

If getting himself home is even possible.

Wei Wuxian dumps the rest of the fish food in the water and yells.

(It startles the maids, the fish and the poor eunuch the Crown Prince has sent as a spy into falling out of the tree he’s been hiding in and into the prickly bushes below.)

===

The problem with “staying for the time being” is … well, how interminably boring it is. The approved list of hobbies for an Imperial consort seems to consist of: eating (but not too much), sleeping (but not too much), embroidery (which he can’t do), reading (but only texts on female virtue and the occasional terrible novel), playing music (but not the flute), conversing with his maids (who are very sweet, but are all like, 12) and walking in the gardens (which he’s not allowed to do).

Honestly, it’s no wonder all the consorts turn to scheming and murder.

It only takes a week of confinement for him to snap and sneak himself out for a nighttime adventure, setting off to explore the grounds and see … a night-blooming flower, a ghost, a rat, he’ll take pretty much anything at this point.

In the end, he finds none of these things, but the walking is still pretty nice, and he even hears the faint sounds of a guqin wafting over from one of the other consorts’ residences. (He should probably learn who lives where at some point, but it’s not exactly a priority. What’s he going to do with the information when he can only visit during the nighttime? Peep?) When Wei Wuxian wanders closer, the notes resolve themselves into the familiar strains of Flowing Waters, and his breath catches on a sudden surge of longing to hear the same song, played by a different set of fingers.

(First played on a familiar guqin and then, later, accompanied by soft humming between soft, worn sheets, played across the edges of Wei Wuxian’s ribs, along the dip of his spine, and finally lower, into--)

((Is Lan Zhan thinking about him?))

(((Is Lan Zhan looking for him?)))

Stumbling blindly on, he’s so caught up in missing Lan Zhan that he misses the first few stanzas of the next piece, and it isn’t until the music starts to rise in a familiar refrain that he freezes.

He knows that song.

He’s one of the only two people who know that song, which is in fact how he got caught out the last time he found himself in a farce of an identity charade, by the only other person who knows that song, who must be - who must be -

Lan Zhan, his blood sings in his ears as he takes off in a dead run towards the source of the playing. Up ahead of him, small courtyard glows softly with the light of the only burning lamp in their vicinity. Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan-

He scrambles up the wall with the ease of a lifetime’s practice, using bloody-minded determination to make up for the lack of muscle memory.

“Lan Zhan,” he yelps, forgetting to whisper in his excitement as he flings himself over the top and into the branches of a convenient, wall-side tree. “Lan Zhan, it’s me, I-”

This is, naturally, when his foot slips. He manages to catch hold of a branch, but his tender hands and puny wrists, unused to holding up anything heavier than a chicken leg, fail to maintain their hold through his weight, and he tumbles down the trunk into a sad puddle of fabric on the ground.

“Lan Zhan,” he gasps, fighting to untangle himself from the ridiculous train that, admittedly, made a considerable contribution to cushioning his fall. He clambers up onto his hands and knees--

--and looks straight into the wide-eyed stare of Consort Yun.

===

“I cannot believe,” Wei Wuxian growls, palming the ample softness of one exposed breast with one hand, while shoving the other deeper into the many (too many) layers of fabric between them and between Lan Zhan’s splayed legs, “that after everything that’s happened, you’re still taller than me.”

Lan Zhan huffs a laugh that turns quickly into a moan, and Wei Wuxian swallows it, smothers Lan Zhan’s gasping breaths with his own parted lips and sucks them greedily down even as he coaxes out more with twisting fingers here, another tug to Lan Zhan’s poor, abused nipple there.

He slides his fingers back between slick folds and then upwards again, pushing in and out in a few languid strokes before curling them to make Lan Zhan arch harder against the wall behind him, tilt his head back and expose a beautifully vulnerable stretch of neck to Wei Wuxian's teeth.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan murmurs, and his voice is different, the shape of his lips is different, but the way Wei Wuxian’s name fits inside his mouth (tender, beloved), the way he tucks the flyaway strands of hair behind Wei Wuxian’s ear, the look in his eyes when their gazes meet (warm, open, knowing) are the same, same, same.

===

===

I am entirely too lazy to write the rest of it, but afterwards they regroup and it turns out LWJ has been in this world for exactly one more day than WWX, having woken up in Consort Yun’s body when she was “revived”. Consort Yun is the daughter of a high-ranking Minister in the Treasury or something, so Lan Zhan been using his new position as the daughter of a ~scholarly family~ to build a reputation for being really into Buddhist scripture, and eventually he’s going to request to be allowed to go to a nearby Temple to attain some virtuous brownie points for the Imperial family via prayer as his penitence.

That there’s also an elderly monk living there who’s got a reputation for being super good with the divine mysteries and spiritual lore about curses and whatnot is totally immaterial, if Lan Zhan happens to run into that guy, it’ll be a total coincidence, yeah.

So WWX also starts on the divine penitence route, and if everyone thinks it’s because the Crown Princess refuses to be outdone by Consort Yun, then even better, and two weeks into confinement they wear the Empress down into letting them make the trip, and when they get there, turns out the monk is Nie Huaisang.

(NHS: “OH THANK GOD, I’ve done the research but the lynchpin of this mess is definitely somewhere in the Palace and I could not for the life of me figure out a way to get in.”

WWX: “That's nice, but seriously, how come you got to stay a man?”

NHS: “My friend, I may be a man, but my balls are currently swinging somewhere around my ankles.”

WWX: “...show me.”

And LWJ is like “NO.” except WWX can tell by the look in his eye that he sort of wants to see, too).

So they return to the Palace and WWX whirls into one of their morning audiences with the Empress, distraught about a ~dream from the ancestors~ where they warned him about disrupted ley lines or accumulated resentment or an offended minor god that needs investigation by someone, and “How convenient, because we met just the guy!” And the Empress looks like she was Done Five Years Ago, but the Empress Dowager, who’s old and doddery, is like “oh no, you must bring him!” and the Empress mutters “to fucking what, offend some major gods and really do the job properly?” and that’s how they find out the Empress is Jiang Cheng.

In the meantime, the confinement edict expires and WWX+LWJ are allowed to return to their regular programming, which means that as the legal wife, WWX can continuously summon LWJ to his residence for increasingly tenuous and spurious reasons. The best thing is, it’s not even out of character for the Crown Princess, who used to regularly summon Consort Yun to subject her to not-so-veiled barbs and petty torments. So WWX summons LWJ, and then immediately expels both their entourages from the room, instructing that no one is to enter on pain of death.

So LWJ’s maids are gnashing their teeth helplessly while all sorts of piteous moans, pained gasps and the occasional scream emanate from behind the closed door, and when their mistress finally emerges there are no marks on her body, but she’s weak-kneed and having trouble walking straight, so who knows what kind of terrible tortures the Crown Princess has visited upon her.

The Crown Prince obviously hears about this, so he bursts in one day without warning, only to find the two sitting together, the Crown princess’s arms around Consort Yun’s waist, her cheek pillowed on one heaving bosom, and although she’s smiling besottedly at him now, he could have sworn that he felt killing intent being directed at him only a second ago? And to tell the truth, he’s not really in love Consort Yun either, it’s all an act to keep the two consorts (and their families) pitted in a power struggle against each other until he can finally outmanoeuvre the Empress and cement his position as heir to the throne (and also to protect his actual favourite, a third consort who’s a nondescript nobody with no political backing). So the fact that “It was all a misunderstanding, we’re friends now,” his Crown Princess says sweetly (and did she … rub her cheek against his Consort’s chest? Must be his imagination) is not the worst thing (at least neither of them/their families can be enlisted by the Empress in support of her son, and if they’re caught up with Being Besties, then at least they’re not bullying his actual favourite), but for some reason he still feels kind of … threatened? Like someone’s making moves on his wife, which is absurd because they’re both his wives, but the vibes he gets from the first one in particular are kind of … off?

In any case, the crew solve the mystery, find the lynchpin object (which turns out to be a jade dildo belonging to one of the Emperor’s favoured consorts because of course it is), and wake up in their real bodies, in their real world, to a very apologetic hermit-inventor-cultivator whose property they stumbled onto while pursuing a resentful beast. Turns out they triggered the glamour/enchantment/psychic maze world he created as a security system because, “I just didn’t want to risk people getting into my stuff, you know? I’ve got some things that could be very dangerous in the wrong hands”. WWX is like “oh yeah, for sure” and JC is like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOR SURE? HOW IS THIS AN UNDERSTANDABLE RESPONSE, IF YOU’RE AFRAID PEOPLE WILL TOUCH YOUR SHIT THEN JUST ENCHANT SOME FUCKING WARRIOR GOLEMS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.”

[mochegato]

Covert Dating

Written for the Jasonette July First Date prompt.

This was it. Marinette had managed to get out of the house without Adrien knowing about it so she could have her first date with Jason. Not that she didn't want Adrien to know about it, it's just that she absolutely DID NOT WANT ADRIEN TO KNOW ABOUT IT.  At least not until after the first date… or tenth, you know, whatever.

Adrien knowing meant endless teasing, “knowing” glances, waggling eyebrows, and in-no-way subtle references.  Adrien knowing meant an attempt at a shovel talk, which as humorous as it would be to see Adrien attempt to shovel talk a man twice his size, and as flattered as she would be that he tried, no.  Just No.  She was nervous enough about this date.  She had waited long enough for this date.  

She and Jason had been building up to this for months. They had first run into each other a few months ago at a coffee shop they both liked and started exchanging courteous nods and discrete, longing stares whenever they ran into each other, eventually building up to smiling at each other and occasionally making funny faces to get the other to smile.  But they only really started talking a few weeks ago when she sat at his table and started up a conversation.  He looked shocked for a few seconds but then grinned that heart-stopping grin of his and started responding.  After that they chatted and flirted whenever they were both there until they finally took the next step, or rather he did, asking her on a date just after she knocked a would-be mugger on his ass after he had attempted to take another patron’s purse.

Hmm… should she be worried that violence seemed to be the tipping point for Jason?  Nah, she was going to assume it was because he liked strong women, another bonus to add to the growing list of impressive things about him.  

Jason was absolutely amazing. He was funny and he was smart and he was handsome and he was so sweet to her.  He cared about others and she had seen him stand up to a few people he thought were acting improperly, which they were.  He was interested in her and he had always been more than willing to listen to her and encourage her.  He seemed to return the favor and would talk to her about his days and trust her with some of his secrets too.  They had built up an immense amount of trust in a very short time, which was frankly a little alarming but also comforting, like being with Jason was right.

They had taken so long to get to this point and now she was completely enamored with Jason.  She needed this date to go well.  She didn’t need outside interference messing it up.  And if Adrien messed up this date, she was not going to react kindly. Which would be a problem because blood was a bitch to get out of carpeting.

She had taken all the necessary precautions.  She had smuggled her clothes for the date out of the apartment the morning before and hidden them in her office so she could leave straight from her office that night.  She then told Adrien she had to work late, which wasn’t unusual for this time of year so he shouldn’t be suspicious, plus it was kind of true. She had worked late on some designs before getting ready for the date, so it wasn’t a lie.  It wasn’t ideal getting ready in the office, but she made it work, not that she needed a lot of space or time, really.  

She had opted for casual elegance rather than fancy, which would seem out of place in the small, cozy restaurant they had agreed to meet at.  She had chosen a loose silk shirt with red detailing and black tailored pants paired with red flats, in case they wanted to go for a walk after the date, and bright red lips, in case he needed something to focus on during the date.  The killer red leather jacket she had designed and created, inspired by Jason, tied it all together and was hanging on the chair behind her.  It wasn’t her regular style but she liked the end result and if it made Jason speechless for a few seconds, even better.

The waiter brought a glass of water for her while she waited.  She thanked the waiter and brought the glass up to her lips to take a drink then thought better of it and set it back down.  Her phone pinged almost as soon as her hand left the glass.  She looked down and saw a text from Adrien.  

‘Too scared to actually take a drink?’

What?  No. She was NOT too scared to take a drink. That's not why...  Well, kind of.  It wasn't her fears that were getting to her it was her anxiety, which was caused by fears. It was a fine line, really.  

She knew everything was set for them to have a great date.  They had great banter, they trusted each other, they were attracted to each other (if the lingering stares he gave her were any indication), and they were both interested in the other and single.  She knew she had no reason to be nervous and as soon as Jason got there she would relax, but anxiety didn’t always need a reason to take over.  So she focused on controlling as much as she could in the hopes of repressing her anxiety.  She had chosen the perfect outfit and done her makeup flawlessly.  And her lipstick!  She couldn’t take a drink before Jason even got there because she didn't want it smudged before he could... wait… What the Fuck!! How did he… Oh no.  No, no, no, no, no.

Her head whipped up as she looked around the restaurant.  There were a few couples laughing and gazing lovingly at each other, quite a few people on their own watching their phones as they ate, a group of three at another table partially hidden behind menus.  They were a bit suspicious, but the blonde in that group was a girl and the boys both had black hair, so they weren’t Adrien.  She looked behind her and saw someone grinning at her.  

Well, fuck.  Apparently not all the necessary precautions then.

Because there was Adrien in a “top notch” disguise; dark glasses, baseball cap, a black mustache, seriously? A black mustache with his blonde hair?  That looked… natural, and was that a trench coat!? Yep, that was a trench coat. WTF Adrien! That idiot has absolutely no chill. None whatsoever. Not too surprising really, being the drama king that he is.  No blending in unnoticed skills either, which is, you know, a bit surprising considering all the times they snuck out together and that he was Chat freaking Noir.  Apparently all his stealth was used when he was Chat and he had none left over for Adrien.

Marinette glared at him and was about to start threatening him when she heard the bell from the door opening.  She turned around in time to see Jason entering.  Adrien momentarily forgotten, Marinette relaxed and gave a beaming smile, standing up to greet him.

Jason walked in and scanned the room narrowing his eyes then rolling them and started muttering under his breath.  Her anxiety ramped up.  He didn’t seem to be in a good mood.  Shouldn’t he be happy to be there?  Granted she was nervous, but she was also really excited and happy.  She couldn’t be the only one that felt that way about first dates.  No, Adrien said he felt that way whenever he went on first dates too.  Jason just looked annoyed.  Oh God, what if he had changed his mind?  What if he didn’t want this date anymore?  Before she could spiral further, his eyes landed on her and lit up, “Hey Pixie,” a smile spread across his face and his shoulders relaxed as he made his way over to her.  His eyes gleamed as he looked at her, “Damn, you look amazing.  But then you always do.” He gave her a hug and kissed her cheek before sitting down.

She blushed slightly then responded when her heart calmed down a bit, “Thanks.  You look good too.  But then you always do too.” She noticed his eyes shifting around the room with suspicion. “Hey, Jason,” she started hesitantly, concern and a bit of worry etched in her face, “is something wrong?  You seem… distracted?”

He sighed.  “Sorry.  I don’t mean to be distracted.  I want to focus on you and making you blush more,” he grinned when his words worked and Marinette blushed again.  “It’s just… there’s a creep in the corner in a trench coat making me nervous.”  

“Ahh,” she shifted nervously.  She was going to kill Adrien.  “Do you want to go someplace else?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Marinette started to gather her things.  “Normally, I’d consider staying just so I could watch him and make sure he doesn’t do anything that I might have to…uh, stop,” he stuttered over his words and hoped she didn’t notice.  “But I see several of my family attempting to hide over there,” he said indicating a table to their left with three people hiding behind their menus, “and they can keep an eye on him.”

She stopped and looked at him with an amused glint in her eye, “Your family was worried about me?”  

“No, maybe for you but not about you.  They’re probably more curious who I was able to convince to go out with me, since I wouldn’t tell them about you, BECAUSE IT IS MY PRIVATE LIFE AND NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS.”

The three at the table she had noted before slunk down a bit further in their seats until the older man spoke up.  “Hey Little Wing, what are you doing here? What a coincidence, huh?” he said sheepishly.  

Jason rolled his eyes and took a deep steadying breath.  “I hate my family” he muttered to her under his breath.

“Huh, maybe your nosy, intrusive family should join the creepy guy’s table.  They can chat about violating other people’s boundaries.” She giggled with an amused smile. “The creepy guy in the trench coat is my overprotective, mother-henning brother, who somehow found out about this and wanted to make sure you weren’t a serial killer or rapist.”  She seemed to think it over quickly and consider all the possible ways that could backfire on her, “On second thought, they shouldn’t meet.  We should keep them far, far apart.  They can meet at the wedding.”

“Wedding huh?” He said with a smug glint in his eye

Marinette’s eyes went wide and her cheeks turned a bright red color that would make Rudolph proud.  “It’s an expression?” She offered weakly putting on the jacket she created for the date.

“I think we should probably have at least one date before we run off to Vegas...”  He started smugly, until he looked down and finally took in the jacket she had put on. His eyes widened incrementally and he lost his next words and breath for a few seconds, “…although, I can get us a jet on short notice if this date goes really well.”  He leaned closer to her and lowered his head so he was just a few centimeters away from her ear and whispered, “You look really good in that jacket.  Red is a good color on you.”

“Thank you.  I’m glad you like it.  You inspired it after all.”  She grinned up at him and it was his turn to blush. “Although I think you’ve been keeping things from me.  You know people who would give you rides in their private jets with no notice? I feel like I should have mentioned as part of the dating package.  I might have asked you out sooner.”  She gave him a mischievous grin as she slung her purse over her shoulder.

He rolled his eyes at her, knowing better than to take her seriously.  “You know I don't actually own the jets, right?”

“Even better. I’ve been told maintaining a jet is a bitch.”

“Oh, so you know people private jets too.”

“I might know a few. But no one who would just give me rides whenever I ask.”

“That's a lie!” she heard yelled from the back of the restaurant.

“SHUT IT, AGRESTE.” She yelled back at him.  “You weren’t invited into this conversation.”

“Hey, you’re here to watch her?  We’re here to watch him.  Wanna watch with us, Blondie?” the blonde girl from Jason’s family table loudly called back to him.

“Sure,” Adrien responded grinning excitedly and getting up and sitting at their table.

“Oh my God, they’re joining forces.  What do we do?”  Marinette whispered in not-so-mock concern.

“Run away.  My motorcycle is right outside.  I know a different place we can eat.  It’s a nice, family place.  You like Italian, yeah?”  Jason said conspiratorially grabbing her hand and entwining their fingers as they made a break for the door.  Marinette giggled and Jason smiled at the sounds of protest that came from their friends and family.

 Continued in Covert Romance

Inspired by this image:

Tag:

@fsketchart @jasonette-july-2k20

[bonny-kookoo]

Bunny Boy (JJK x Reader)☁️⚠️🔪(💜)🔞 Part 2

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Yandere!AU, Stalker!AU, questionable romance, smut, Oneshot

Warnings: (oh boy) Stalking, Obsession, Yandere themes, cute Koo but aggressive, he ready to fight, graphic description of violence, blood, very twisted JK, oblivious! Reader, kinda Stockholm-syndrome Reader?, soft romantic lovemaking, body worship, Dom! Jungkook, Sub! Reader, Handjob (fem. receiving), oral (fem. receiving), protected sex because even with your mind scrambled up in a frying pan we still wrap it before tapping it y’all hear me STDs ain’t cute Susan

Summary: It all started with a hello kitty charm.

A/N:(IMPORTANT) I’d like to note here that I do not condone nor romanticize any of the things depicted in this. This is purely fictional, and only to be seen as a work of art, not as a depiction of real life relationships. For short: if he a creep, kick his balls, don’t kiss. Thank you.

Part 1 || Part 2

The nurse opened the door, and past her dashed the young man in Question, a total opposite of what he looked like the night he'd found you. His clothing was disheveled, eyes and nose red, his hair a mess as he immediately fell onto your chest, crying so hard his shoulders shook, nurse watching him with sympathizing eyes. This didn't make sense. Why did you feel your body tense up at his touch, when he was so upset?

You shuddered as the memory of his eyes, as cold as the night you'd drove your car into the tree to keep yourself from endangering anyone else on your way suddenly pushed itself in front of you. You couldn't understand it.

What did that mean? Had it been a dream?

Why would your brain make up something so dark about Jungkook?

"Angel? Are you okay? God no, you're not, you're in a hospital, I-" He said, and the nurse softly pushed him aside a bit to look at your vitals, reassuring him that you were fine, apart from a broken leg and a few bruises and scratches. As she left you both alone, he sat down at your bedside, hands gently patting your head with still teary eyes. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, and your eyes widened.

Could it really be?

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to you faster. If I'd known something like that was about to happen.." He said, gaze falling to your hand, needle still stuck into the vein on the back of it to give you medication. His heart genuinely hurt at the sight, but he knew this was a small price to pay for your eternal safety next to him, right at his side. He would keep you safe, he just needed to show you what could happen. This had been necessary. It was a white lie.

Yet he could sense something was off about you. He'd thought you'd be more upset about the event, yet there you were, simply staring at him. Maybe you'd hit your head- maybe he'd miscalculated something and-

"Jungkookie.." You asked, voice hoarse, yet absolute music to his ear. He leaned in closer, humming a reply to urge you to continue.

"Did you.. pull me out of the car?" You asked, and his eyes widened a bit, smile faltering a few seconds.

How did you know that?

There was no way you had been awake when he'd arrived, and even if so, you'd hit your head quite hard on your steering wheel- you weren't supposed to remember anything. He really did miscalculate. Sure, maybe you meant it differently, but he knew you like his own self. He knew what you meant, and he felt himself tense a bit as he suddenly looked at you completely differently.

"J..Jungkoo-" You started, and Jungkook suddenly shifted, leaning over your body with his hands on either side of your head, his own dipping down a bit, eyes never leaving yours. They suddenly teared up again.

"You don't listen." He said, and you looked at him questioningly. "I told you again and again it's dangerous to drive, yet you-!" He said, voice raising a bit, before he forced himself to calm down, eyes closing as he deflated, forehead resting just below your collarbone. "I needed to- I needed to show you how dangerous it could be, I just want to keep you safe angel, I just need to know you'll never get hurt-" He said, hands gripping the fabric of the hospital gown you wore, desperate to hold onto something.

You simply stared ahead.

It felt weird, knowing that he had everything to do with your situation. It explained how calm he'd been at the scene, how fast he'd arrived, how he knew where you were immediately without asking.

"Miss?" A male voice said, making Jungkook raise from your body, eyes suddenly getting an angry glint at the young officer stepping into the room. It was as if he was a cat having claimed its human, now getting angry at the prospect of someone else wanting your attention. Yet he hesitantly sat down again, keeping his hands on yours however, as a sign of ownership, maybe.

You couldn't tell what it was, anymore.

"We have questions regarding the accident. It won't take long, since you're partner right here has already answered most questions." The young man said, standing a bit closer to you as you nodded. "We just want you to clarify some things. Mr.Jeon over here said you were on the phone, telling him the breaks weren't working. Correct?" You nodded, feeling Jungkooks thumb circle over your fingers softly. "He also said you willingly drove into the woods to stop the car. Correct?" Again, you confirmed. "Why?" He asked, and you cleared your throat before answering.

"I.. didn't want to put anyone else in danger, officer." You replied, and he nodded, taking notes.

"Okay. Jeon Also stated that he'd found you inside your car, and broke open the door to get you out." He stated, and you swallowed as Jungkooks thumb stopped. "Have you any recollection of that?" He asked, and you blinked once, twice.

Shaking your head.

Jungkook visited you every day.

He sometimes smuggled in junk food and other treats you didn't get inside the hospital to lift your mood, and you didn't knew when it happened.

But you started to fall back into place with him.

It was as if nothing major had happened, seeing him happily munch away on his fries while making sure you didn't stain the crisp hospital sheets, making sure not to leave any evidence of the delicious crime he brought into your room every now and then. He was acting completely normal, just like your Jungkook.

Things began to feel normal.

"You know.." He started, as he opened the packaging of the straw belonging to your strawberry shake he'd bought. "I'm glad you understood." He said, and you nodded. Others may didn't, but you had collected so many thoughts and reasons that his actions seemed.. reasonable in your opinion.

He was right after all, you were someone who didn't believe something would hurt you until it did. You always seemed to need actual evidence to believe in bad things, even as a child. Whenever your mother told you not to run, you did it anyways, just to scrape your knee shortly afterwards.

You never ran away from her hand afterwards.

It seemed to be the same with Jungkook now. "I'll drive you wherever you need to go, okay?" He said, giving you your small plastic cup, that you gladly took from him. You nodded, understanding. His heart swelled.

He knew you'd understand.

The diner was busy, too busy in your opinion.

Ever since getting released from the hospital, Jungkook had agreed on leaving you with your own freedom to go wherever you wanted to; if it was too far however, he insisted that he'd drive you.

You agreed on that.

He was just concerned for your well-being.

“What I’m saying is, not to be rude, but he’s kinda creepy.” Your friend said at the table, munching away on her fries. You looked at her like she was the crazy one, feeling a bit offended at her words. You knew she had a point somewhere, but this was your Jungkookie, he was just a bit more touchy and clingy then others- she just didn’t understand. Maybe she was just still bitter about being dumped by her ex; even though you doubted that, since she’d said before that she was over him. He’d been a douchebag anyways, you’d seen that way before she’d done.

“You don’t know him..” you mumbled, sucking on the straw of your strawberry milkshake until the icy cold drink reached your tongue. She scoffed, before she reached for your hand. You went confused at her touch, suddenly feeling as if you needed to take yours away from her. The feeling got so present that you actually did, slowly distancing yourself as you packed up the leftovers of your fast food dinner with her. “I think I should leave..” you said, until she stopped you by grabbing the hem of your coat. “Please don’t do that-“ you attempted to get her fingers off of the fabric out of instinct.

“I’m worried about you y/n, I feel like he’s not good for you-“ she whined, her face drenched in worry. You knew the words she said were true, but they didn’t hurt any less because of that. Why couldn’t she just let you be happy? He made you happy. He made you feel safe, and comfortable, and loved, why couldn’t she just be glad that you had someone who cared about you? “What if he’s just using you, maybe he just wants se- y/n!” She yelled after you, but you’ve already left the restaurant, tears already knocking behind your eyes to be released. You were so confused. You loved Jungkook. He loved you too.

Right?

It had to be that way. He'd been the first one to make you feel genuinely safe, keeping a hold on you that didn't feel suffocating or controlling- his hands were so gentle to you, that you happily let him lead you wherever he wanted. You grabbed your phone out of your pocket, dialing his number. "Jungkookie.. can you pick me up?" You said, and he agreed instantly.

He'd never make you wait.

"Why can we never hang out at your place Jungkookie?" You answered, your upper body laying on his chest, his hand running through your hair like he was petting a cat, loving glint in his eyes wavering a bit.

"It's messy angel, I don't want you between all that junk." He hummed, making you pout. It was cute, yet he feared that once you saw how he typically spending his time away from you, he could scare you away for good. He'd just barely escaped a disaster at the hospital- he couldn't take chances.

"Hm.." You mumbled, leaning your head to the side a bit, hand playing with the silver necklace around his neck. His eyes closed a bit at the view, as his hand ran lower, now caressing your shoulder. He shuddered at the way your fingers brushed over his neck, now growing hyper aware of your position on him. It would be so easy to just.. take you right now. He knew he could overpower you without much effort- but that wasn't what he craved.

He needed you to need him just as much.

"Jungkookie?" You asked, and he hummed a reply. "Why won't you have sex with me?" You asked, making his eyes rip open as wide as the moon.

He had to think for a moment, unknowing how to answer you. Was there a right answer? It wasn't that he didn't want to- he just.. couldn't. Not yet. "I.. don't want you to do something you don't want to, angel." He said lowly, and you suddenly changed position, straddling him with an innocent face. He could feel himself rise in his pants, unable to control it. How could someone blame him? His soulmate was posing on top of him, her center right above his tip, unconsciously putting pressure on his most sensitive parts. How could he not let himself be swept away?

"It's okay, I want to." You said, although nervous. "I.. you know.. Haven't done it before but.." You began to grow shy, spurring his inner demon on even more. "I trust you." You said, and he groaned, holding your hips in his hands to steady you.

He turned you both over, face leaning close to you, lips almost brushing against each other as he spoke. "It may hurt angel." He said, and you simply nodded, accepting that. "You may bleed." He said, and again, you simply nodded, swallowing as you began to chase his lips, growing frustrated with him escaping you by mere inches. "We don't have protection." He said, and this time you deflated. He was right.

Or was he?

You remembered the last birthday party, where your friend had gifted you a lovetoy and condoms as a joke, a present you never used to this day. Your eyes widened. "I do!" You said, and he leaned his head to the side questioningly. "There's uh.. there's a box, right there on top of my dresser. I got it as a present but.. I never had the need to, you know.." You mumbled, and he got up, walking up to the said dresser and taking down the pink still half wrapped box you told him to.

He opened the lid of the box, and after a bit of searching through some crampled up wrapping paper he found what he'd been looking for.

He could work with that.

Simply putting the box down, and pulling his own shirt over his head, he crawled back over you, your gaze ever so shy. "I'll be gentle, angel." He promised before finally kissing you, hungry lips leaving you breathless as he stole away all of your hesitation like a vampire their unknown victims' blood. Yet he was very much human, even if people would probably deny that if they knew what he'd done.

He did it all for you, and he'd do it all again.

His hands roamed, flat palms simply caressing your body as if he was mapping out what you looked like without his eyes, finally able to touch and feel you underneath him, squirming and moving around impatiently like prey trying escape. He was the wolf devouring you like his last meal on earth, tongue opening your lips for him to explore, soft sighs mixing between the sounds of your lips, and the soft moving of fabric as he pulled the sweater you wore over your head, finally getting a view of your body up close and personal; no interference could break his dream apart now, everything very much real and actually happening.

You whined a bit as he brought his hand underneath the shell of your bra, eagerly getting acquainted with the feel of your mounds underneath his hands, as he worked on the hooks on your back, getting rid of the undergarment as fast as he could. He dipped his head down, kissing the velvety skin, biting teasingly as you gasped, making him smile knowingly.

This was more than he'd ever imagined.

His tongue grazed your nipple, making you mewl deliciously as his other hand made work of your shorts, pulling them down together with your already ruined underwear, making him sit back as he finally saw your center exposed for him, his hands pulling your legs apart to watch how the inside of your thighs already glistened with moisture, making him groan out a bit, his own pants suddenly feeling too tight. He quickly got rid of the fabric restricting him, making you try and close your legs at the view of his length standing proudly as he ran his hand over it a few times to release some of the pressure at least. "Keep them nice and open for me, yeah angel?" He mused, voice unrecognizably rough around the edges, making your spine tingle.

His hand cupped your heat, giving you the chance to pick your own pace as he praised you without breaking eye contact. "You look so divine angel, so beautiful.." He hummed, as he felt you rut into his hand so sinfully he couldn't help but snatch a taste as he instead switched his hand for his own mouth, tongue working relentlessly on your nerves while your legs quivered, depending on his hands to keep them in place. The sounds you made were absolute pleasure to his ears and soul, all just for him and him alone.

He would keep it that way.

He felt your walls flutter as his first two fingers entered you, having to push a bit against your thighs to keep you from moving too much at the foreign feeling, yet he couldn't keep himself from smiling as he moved away from you, snatching your first orgasm away from you just inches away from the edge it seemed.

"You're gonna come on my cock and nothing else angel." He growled, opening the foil package to wrap the protection over his length, slowly entering his tip inside you, making your body move away a bit. "shh, we'll go slow yeah?" He promised as he hovered over you like a demon ready to inhale your soul. His kisses painted the side of your neck as he slowly pushed, feeling you tense up at the unfamiliar feeling. "Relax.. it's only gonna hurt if you fight it angel.." He hushed, and your hands reached for his, making his heart swell as he took your smaller ones into his, interlacing your fingers. "Hmhm, that's it angel, let me inside, yeah?" He hummed against your pulse as he'd finally settled inside you, staying there for a moment before carefully backing out. The first few motions hurt and felt weird, yet the more he moved, the more you could feel the infamous pleasure building up.

Gasping a little you chanted his name under your breath, voice so fragile it was barely present as it escaped you, making him pick up his pace a bit, feeling euphoric as the realization hit him head first. This was truly happening, he was finally making you his, he was the first and only one to ever corrupt you and let you drown in sinful pleasures such as this-

You were finally his.

His breathing had calmed down as well as yours, as you came back to earth. His hand paced back and forth over the expanse of your arm, as your thoughts stayed empty for the moment, simply accepting the warmth of his body, before you finally caught onto an actual thought.

"Jungkookie?" You asked sleepily, as he looked at you, wrapped in blankets on his chest. "Why can't I visit your place?" You asked again for the second time that day. He hummed, before he replied.

"There are things you aren't yet ready for angel." He said, for once speaking nothing but the truth. "I fear you'll think of me badly if you knew." He said, and his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek as he fell deep into thoughts. You shook your head. "Hm?" He asked.

"I love you." You said, and his arms pressed you against him a bit tighter at that. It wasn't the first time you'd said that, but hearing it after being so close together made him feel all fuzzy inside. "I could never hate you, Jungkookie." You mumbled, already falling asleep again. He smiled.

Of course you couldn't.

Because even if you did, it was too late to leave him.

You'd understand.

He knew, because you'd done so in the past as well. This was nothing compared to what he'd done in the past for you, yet it was just as necessary. Looking over the letter you'd received from your parents, his eyes went cold as he took it and placed it into the pocket of his jacket, closing your mailbox, leaving everything else inside. He knew them already, having used past freetime to scout out where they lived, and how they'd treated you during your childhood. The things he'd found out were still making his blood boil.

You were the product of an affair on your mother's side, unwanted, yet born out of pure believe that abortion was against nature. She kept you simply because her husband had forced her to- as a form of punishment for her actions, if you will. She'd treated you just as something alike; a punishment.

Regularly forgetting to pick you up from school or clubs, she was nothing but a complete failure as a mother. Yet you, being the angel you were, still cared deeply for her, enough to accept any half-hearted apology she would throw your way.

It was almost similar to his own upringing, in a way. He had been an unwanted child as well.

Yet his mother had to live through the torture of his own drunk father every day, giving up on protecting him after he'd turned ten years old, leaving him bare to the hands of his intoxicated father, unshielded from the anger or otherwise emotional outbursts of him.

He stopped caring after a while.

Yet when he saw you, so innocent and shy, oblivious to the horrible things going on around you, he felt the need to do a better job his mother had ever done. He needed to protect you from all harm. He couldn't let anything happen to you.

This is why you needed him.

The world around you simply treated you badly because it had the nasty habit of trying to ruin anything that was perfect. And you were absolute perfection, blinding in purity even after his action of deflowering you, sending you to heaven for the blink of a moment just to pull you back down to him again.

Stepping through his door he placed the letter on his kitchen table, adress of them clearly visible.

You'd understand.

You always did.

[rookie-ramsey]

A Day at the Zoo (Ethan/MC)

Description: Ethan and Olivia spend a day at the zoo with their twin toddlers.

Rating: Teen. Some mildly suggestive dialogue at the end but nothing NS*FW.

Preview: “Daddy!” Zoey pointed at the biggest giraffe.

This is @aestheticartsx’s fic for my recent fic giveaway. Love you and your sweet positivity! ❤️

Nobody said raising toddlers was easy.

When you doubled the mischief by having twins, life was never boring.

“No clothes!”

Ethan shook his head as he tried to hold his son still. “You have to hold still so I can dress you.”

“Nope!”

“You can absolutely not go to the zoo naked,” Ethan insisted as he managed to get his squirming son into an outfit.

Defeated, Jonah sighed and tried to go limp, which somehow made it even more difficult to get him into a shirt and pair of shorts. Then Ethan picked him up before he could find an opportunity to rip his clothes off, his favorite act of mischief.

Olivia joined him in the living room with Zoey on her hip. “It took way more effort than it should have, but I got her dressed. Do all toddlers hate being clothed, or is that just these two?”

“That’s a good question.”

“Zoo!” Zoey squirmed in her mother’s arms and impatiently pointed at the door.

“Just a minute.” Olivia opened the diaper bag and checked to make sure they had everything. Once she was convinced they had anything they could possibly need for a visit to the zoo, they left the house.

They carried the twins to the car and buckled them into their car seats. Once they were securely strapped in, Ethan got into the driver’s seat and started the car.

As soon as he backed out of the driveway, Zoey grabbed the Velcro on her shoes. She yanked them off and giggled when they tumbled under Olivia’s seat.

Jonah followed suit, and by the time Ethan had reached the end of the street, both kids had removed their socks and were happily wiggling their bare toes.

Olivia sighed. “Are shoes even necessary? They just outgrow them every week.”

“It seems that way. I think they’re just going through a phase where they prefer to be unclothed and barefoot 24/7.”

“I mean… it’s a little relatable.”  

When they arrived at the zoo, Ethan removed the stroller from the trunk. He unfolded it and helped Olivia fasten Zoey and Jonah into it. Olivia tucked the diaper bag into the compartment beneath their seats.

Ethan pushed the stroller to the main entrance, where they paid for their tickets. As soon as they entered the gate, the twins started pointing in every direction.

They followed the path, stopping at the first exhibit. Ethan parked the stroller and picked up the twins so they could see inside.

“Grilla!” Zoey identified.

Ethan nodded. “That’s right. Gorillas are really smart.”

“Want one!” Jonah exclaimed when two more gorillas emerged from behind one of the structures in the exhibit.

“That’s probably not the best idea.” Ethan settled them back in their stroller and let them watch for another minute before they made their way to the next exhibit.

Olivia peered into the lion enclosure, amused when all of the lions were asleep on their rocks. “Mood.”

Ethan chuckled. “It’s after eleven o’clock.”

“Exactly.”

“Sleepy kitties!” Jonah waved goodbye to the oblivious lions before they moved the giraffe enclosure. Ethan and Olivia each picked up one of the toddlers to let them see inside.

“Daddy!” Zoey pointed at the biggest giraffe.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “That looks nothing like me.”

“Daddy!”

Olivia smirked. “They know who your ancestors are, Ethan. Don’t try to fool them.”

“I still don’t understand where they came up with that idea.”

“They’re toddlers. Very perceptive toddlers with big imaginations.”

“If you insist.” Ethan settled Zoey back in the stroller. Olivia put Jonah next to her and looped her arm through Ethan’s as they resumed visiting the various enclosures.

Halfway through the park, they reached the polar bear exhibit. Olivia picked both twins up and carried them to the observation deck. “See the polar bears? They’re Mommy’s favorite. That’s why your room has polar bears in it.”

“Big bear!” Jonah held his arms out wide.

“That’s right. They’re the biggest bears in the world. Sometimes their paws are bigger than your whole head!”

Their eyes widened as they pressed their faces to the glass. Zoey pointed at the large bear floating on his back in the water. “Swimming!”

“Mm hmm. Just keep putting your faces all over the really germy glass. It’s worth it to look at polar bears.”

Ethan couldn’t contain a laugh. He settled a hand on Olivia’s hip. “You’re being painfully cute.”

She grinned. “I can’t help myself. Polar bears. If it weren’t for the chance it would eat our kids, I’d smuggle one out of here. I’d buy a snowblower for the backyard and let it swim in the pool.”

“I highly doubt we could keep it fed. The last time I was in PetSmart, they didn’t have polar bear food in stock.”

“How hilarious.” Olivia watched the bears for a few more moments before they left the exhibit.

Jonah’s stomach rumbled and he patted it. “Want food.”

“I could go for some lunch, too. Looking at a bunch of mostly sleeping animals has a weird way of giving me an appetite for overpriced food.”

“In that case, I guess the cafeteria is our next stop.” Ethan checked the zoo map and followed the directions to the restaurant, where Olivia found a table while Ethan ordered their food.

Once Jonah and Zoey were buckled into high chairs, Olivia cut their chicken into manageable bites and gave each of them a serving. “Eat up.”

Ever the enthusiastic eater, Jonah grabbed a handful of chicken and ate it. “Mm!”

“Yummy, huh?” Olivia sat next to Ethan and kissed his cheek before she started eating.

After lunch, they took the twins to the bathroom just in time to avoid a potty training catastrophe. Olivia took control of the stroller as they browsed the remaining exhibits.

The last enclosure was the panda exhibit. Jonah pointed inside and grinned with excitement.

“Pandas!”

Olivia ruffled his hair. “Yep. I think they’re my second favorite. They’re really cute and fluffy. And their cubs are always getting into trouble in every panda video I’ve ever seen, so that’s pretty amazing.”

They left the pandas and located the zoo’s gift shop. As they browsed the shop, they stopped at the stuffed animals.

“You can pick one out, but you have to stay in the stroller,” Ethan explained. ”I don’t trust either of you far enough to release you in a gift shop.”

“Is it bad that I’m not morally opposed to baby leashes?”

“Hmm. They seem more reasonable every day.”

Jonah pointed at a stuffed panda holding a cub. “That one!”

“Is that the one you want?” Olivia handed it to him. He hugged it tight and buried his face in it.

Zoey studied the selections until she saw a similar one with polar bears. She reached for it, wiggling her fingers when she couldn’t reach the shelf. Ethan took it and handed it to her.

They were on their way to the checkout when Olivia saw a mug with a polar bear on it. She grabbed it and added it to their purchases. “I would have regrets if I didn’t get this.”

“We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Ethan handed the cashier his card to pay for their items. The twins hugged their stuffed animals as they left the zoo. Olivia settled them in their car seats, and Ethan folded the stroller and placed it in the trunk.

Zoey and Jonah had removed their socks and shoes before the car was halfway across the parking lot. They entertained themselves with their new stuffed animals and made growling noises.

Halfway through the forty-five minute drive home, both kids fell asleep in their car seats.

The toddlers were still asleep when they reached their house, so Ethan and Olivia carried them inside and into the nursery. They tucked them into their beds with their new stuffed animals, then turned the light off.

“I guess a day of sitting in a stroller looking at sleepy animals exhausted them.”

“It would appear so,” Ethan agreed. They sat on the couch and he draped his arm around her when she leaned against his side.

A suggestive smile tugged at her lips. She touched her hand to his chest. “They’re asleep. And if I’m correct, they will be for… I’d say another twenty minutes.”

Ethan smirked. “What are you proposing?”

“Nothing too risque. It has been a long day for someone of your age.”

He feigned a scowl and tugged her into his lap. “I have plenty of stamina for ‘someone of my age’,” he whispered before pressing his lips to hers.

She stifled a laugh and deepened the kiss. After a long moment, she pulled back and touched her forehead to his. “Then prove it to me later. Right now I’m in dire need of cuddling.”

“Dire need, huh?”

“Yep.” Grinning, she rested her head on his shoulder. Ethan’s arms tightened around her waist, gently pinning her against himself. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Tagging separately.

[tanoraqui]

tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

:)

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

[madlymiho]

Summary: It's been a few years since you're working as Katakuri's maid, a few years he's also ignoring the blooming feelings he has for you. Unfortunately, with his soon-to-be arranged wedding coming, the possibility to confess seems more and more impossible. Though, on the Halloween Night, as you're allowed to enjoy the festivities on his island, he becomes upset and worry to see that you're not back after midnight. Determined to find you, this spooky evening might be the opportunity you have both always wished for...

Warning: angst and fluff 🍪

Words: 3901

@elliemehl​ @alice1290​ @hanajimasama​ thanks for enabling this so intensely!

Katakuri: A moonlight promise (read after the cut)

“Anything else, Sir?”

Your voice sounds like the softest feather, sad for sure, but your grace is still unmatchable despite your low status in the society. You’re a perfect nobody, someone he shouldn’t even have noticed in the first place. You have been chosen because, let’s be honest, you didn’t have the slightest chance to gain a powerful position in the current society on his island. Being a house cleaner for the most powerful Sweet Commander of the Charlotte Family is an honor for most of people, and as you didn’t have the choice, at your twenty-five birthday, you joined the squad in charge of his mansion. You’re coming from a family of farmers, offering every month a bit of your lifetime to be allowed to remain here. That’s something he finds particularly despicable, but since it’s his mother’s rules, and since he would do everything to please her whim, he has never tried to save you from your cruel fate. Though, Katakuri definitely noticed you since day one. You were so clumsy and afraid to make mistakes that you dropped a plate of fresh animal cakes you brought back from the castle’s kitchen, somehow a way for you to please his everyday munchies. He could have thrown you away for the lack of attention you have been exposing that day, but deep down, Katakuri found you utterly adorable. You had something different in your eyes, a fire he wasn’t sure to understand. At first, he really thought that you were there to defy his authority, never acting awkwardly anymore, always present to answer his demands, but with time, months after months, he understood you were nothing but the purest soul around. Dedicated, soft and understanding, having you by his side could soothe his deepest whims and angers. You never looked at him with those fearful eyes anymore, only the brightest colors of your incredible devotion. He felt so lucky, his own heart perhaps appreciating the new music, heartbeats slightly increasing whenever you were entering the room with your big goofy smile, and those features full of light and happiness. However, came the day he received an order from his mother. Something he has been pushing away for years, preferring to keep a lonely existence, only to maintain the current print of the Charlotte Family over the world. Though, his mother decided differently, and her orders were always absolute. Katakuri, despite his age, despite his will to remain alone, will have to marry the daughter of this powerful smuggler in Grand Line and the New World, only to provide more technological weapons for his mother’s war. It was political, no love required in this union, but alas, Katakuri felt his heart completely shattered as soon as he received the news. The sensation increased even more when he understood you were probably aware of this information yourself. You smile changed; now it’s tinted with a deep sadness he has never seen before. It’s the kind of smile you’re wearing right now, as you’re finishing to gather his empty plates.

“No, Name, it was perfect, as always. Perhaps you should smuggle more of those peanut donuts you brought today, it was truly enjoyable.” Katakuri nods, sat against his mochi couch, his severe eyes peering down at you, his mouth fully covered one more time. You never discovered his ugly secret, at least. “I guess I’d be seeing you for dinner then. I heard Mama wanted to try a new cuisine, and there will be roasted chicken with a butternut gratin for once.” He pauses for a moment, and sighs. “Perhaps you’ll have some leftovers, if you wish. You have been working hard today, I can have a word with my own squad.”

You almost gasp to the unexpected act of kindness – a rarity when it comes to Katakuri, feeling truly embarrassed to shake your head.

“You don’t want that?” Katakuri frowns, his voice becoming slightly more concerned. “It’s a gift to have the same dinner than your master, Name.”

He feels a bit hurt in his ego, but he notices that you seem parted, and suddenly so shy to tell him something. Gosh, was he too harsh once more? He despises the fact you might be afraid of him.

“N-No, Sir, it would be an honor, as always, to stay by your side, but we have received a notification from the Whole Cake Island’s castle, and all the servants are authorized to celebrate Halloween this year…” Your voice doesn’t shake, but it’s not the most confident either. “I was hoping to…”

“I see.” Katakuri cuts it short, and dismisses you with a wave of his hand. “If it’s coming from Mama’s castle, I won’t forbid you to celebrate Halloween, an order is an order. I’ll ask one of my little sister to bring me my dinner; you can have your free time.” He pauses though, and looks back at you with the same coldness he tries to use whenever he doesn’t want to sound too concerned. “Will you be on your own, tonight?”

“No, I’m going with two maids from other houses, Perospero and Mont d’Or’s ones, Sir.” You assure with a firm nod, somehow happy to have the permission to celebrate one of your favorite tradition, but also upset that he doesn’t seem to have any plans for the night. “I won’t stay outside for too long, Sir, you have my word. I’ll be there to bring you your midnight snack, as always.”

He keeps looking at you, somehow surprised by the sudden need to justify yourself regarding your own activities of the night. Perhaps it’s a strategy to soothe his potential disappointed, if so, it seems to work, but as a man who can’t allow himself to have feelings for you, he eventually shakes his head.

“Non-sense, Name.” He says with a detached tone, stretching his legs as he has the intention to leave the room now. He can’t help but think what kind of costume you’re going to wear? How would be your makeup? All these thoughts are nothing some torture he needs to escape. “Perospero will certainly hand a lots of homemade candies and organize a big treasure hunt as always. You’ll have many things to try out there; it would be a shame if you don’t enjoy them all. Be home around midnight, but not before.”

You bite your bottom lip for a moment, and make a step forward, your hand coming up before you immediately press it back against your torso ; what are you even thinking about?

“But, what about you, Sir?” You mumble with a soft voice, cocking your head to encourage him to talk to you. “Aren’t you celebrating the Halloween festivities yourself? It’s a foggy day outside, but I’m sure this could be a good thing.”

He turns around, just to throw you one of his numerous serious look, his crimson irises remaining unreadable, even if you know him so well. He doesn’t answer to your plea, and simply walk out of the room, ignoring this intense urge he’s experiencing at this particular moment, the very which almost made him offer to spend the evening with him. Better be safe than sorry, and Katakuri imagines that there are certain things which must remain secret. No really, all of this wouldn’t be a good idea.

***

It’s past midnight and his entire thoughts are focused on one and only one person. He believes that indeed, you’re having a tremendous time outside, but for sure, he feels concerned. He saw you living the mansion with that cute and messy witch outfit, probably something you have prepared during your free time, collecting some material here and there to create your scary dress. You looked incredibly adorable and spooky, your face covered with some audacious bloody makeup for the show. Of course, he didn’t leave his room to wish you a good night; it would have been weird, especially for him, to care about his maids’ activities and their sudden gain of freedom, at least just for one night. He had his dinner, he carved a few pumpkins to put it in the garden, but something felt utterly different from usual. The sensation increased when you weren’t there to bring him his midnight snack, probably because deep down, he has been hoping you wouldn’t follow his advices and would come home sooner. Mmh, all of this is pretty upsetting for the Sweet Commander, his observation Haki working so hard that he’s anticipating the moment he would hear your light footsteps behind the door. He wishes that he would be able to sleep, but alas, even his tiredness abandoned him tonight. He growls deeply, scolding himself silently for being easily tormented by someone who’s nothing for the Charlotte Family.

After several minutes of a very unwelcomed torture upon his own mind, Katakuri decides that it’s more than enough, you should have come home sooner than this. Gathering his clothes, he dresses-up as usual, leather and spikes covering his muscular body, before he rolls his scarf around his head and heads out of his room, determined to find you, wherever you are. He didn’t expressly gave you an hour to come back home either, and surely, he’s not the one to decide, but perhaps something happened, and he doesn’t wish to learn that he could have done something rather than anticipating any kind of sorrow, right there, laid on his bed; it feels like a good excuse. Finally wandering into the almost empty streets of his island, it doesn’t take him too long to feel your presence, a few streets away, and all by yourself. So, you did lie to him earlier. You promised that you wouldn’t be alone, and yet, as he’s approaching in the dark, fog covering his large presence, he definitely notices the lack of escort around you. Another groan is earned from your carefree attitude, this very one loud enough for you to hear it. You almost jump on your feet, turning around, visible fear displayed on your pretty features.

“Who… Who’s here?” You ask with a shaky voice, trembling on your feet. “I’m…I’m working for the Charlotte Family, so you better not do something stupid!”

“And aren’t you doing something stupid yourself, Name?”

Katakuri steps out of the dark, crimson irises looking down at you with a rare intensity. It’s still foggy as hell, and you don’t have a proper look on his face, but clearly, you can sense his wrath towards you. Immediately, you flinch and lower your gaze, ready to be punished for your behavior. Maybe a night of freedom hasn’t been the best idea you had.

“Sir, I’m so sorry!” You try to explain, as you hear the familiar caster of his leather boot clicking in the dark. “I… I was supposed to go back to the mansion earlier, but I’ve lost something and I couldn’t go home without it!”

Katakuri clicks his tongue impatiently, feeling anger invading his blood.

“That’s the only excuse you think about to explain your lack of prudence?” He barks harshly, his voice echoing against the buildings. “You told me you weren’t alone! You told me your friends escorted you, was it all a lie after all? I trusted you enough to be loyal and respectful, giving you even more time to enjoy the festivities, and you’re spitting at the name of my Family so pitifully?”

“No, Sir, I promise I was not alone! My friends went home because they couldn’t stay any longer, and I wished I could fulfill my promise towards you, but I swear I had a good reason!” You look up and take a step closer, afraid but brave enough to challenge his wrath and make amends. “I lost the spoon you gave me for my birthday and I couldn’t bear the idea to walk back to you without the only precious item I have ever possessed…”

For a moment, Katakuri was about to continue his intense scolding, almost certain that you were lying to him, but as soon as you mentioned the gift he gave you, his cheeks turn into something pinker than usual. He remembers that one day you were serving him, looking a bit away, your head in the clouds... He learnt later that day that it was your birthday, and decided to offer you a silver spoon he kept from his childhood, the very one he was using during his first merienda, when he was alone and feared by everyone, founding the slightest peace in these moments of snacking. He thought you wouldn’t care about such a gift, but he had nothing better to offer you. He gulps, unsettled and flustered.

“You kept it?” He asks, cursing himself from picking those words instead of the logical ones he should think about.

Gently, you take other step forward, shaky hands coming up to press them onto his forearm. He doesn’t shift not try to escape your grip, the fog of the spooky night covering his intense blush. At least, in the middle of this mist, no one is able to see what’s happening here.

“I wouldn’t get rid of the only thing which matters to me, Sir…” You assure, before you look down, feeling dizzy to be allowed to be so close to him. “This is…This is the only thing I’ll cherish when you’d be married.”

His own stomach wrenches so hard that he has a hard time muffling his emotions, unable to fully understand the meaning of your words. It can’t be true. It’s forbidden. He’s the Sweet Commander of the Charlotte Family, the strongest, the fearless soldier, and yet, at this particular moment, he’s nothing else but a puppy. He swallows his spite, still harsh and cold, despite the fact he didn’t tell you to take off your hands.

“If you have something to say, speak loud and clear, don’t beat around the bush.” He abruptly drops, perhaps a bit too severely for the entire situation. Though, he finds himself unable to act differently, somehow worried about the words you might pronounce. “Remember your place, though, and the potential consequences of your statement. Life isn’t about the choices you wish to make, life is about the obligations you have to fulfill. I will not tolerate a childish remark regarding my wedding, nor an attempt to fight Mama’s orders.”

Softly, just so softly, your hands abandon his forearm, as you take a step backward, tears gleaming in your eyes, yet, you manage to keep a certain control upon your emotions. This sight for him is almost unbearable, tragic, and heartbreaking. He didn’t really say those words to you, in the end, but for himself. He wouldn’t have been upset at you if you wanted to confess something he’s afraid to hear, but at himself for being so eager to listen to you. He can’t fight Mama’s will. He has to be an example for his brothers and sisters.

“Nothing to state? Then, it’s time to go home. You have been wandering enough, and this spoon means nothing.” He turns around, his heart like a rock within his chest. No, he can’t. He can’t feel that way with you. “Also, I believe it’s time to thank you for your services. Tomorrow, you’ll pack to join Pudding’s island, you could serve her good there.”

Each word crushes a little bit more his already more than damaged heart, as he extends his hand to show the way back to his mansion. Under the pale light of the moonlight, and thanks to the fog surrounding you, at least he doesn’t have to witness your bitter tears. Head down, irises focused on your feet, you don’t wish to see his face anymore. The silent surrounding you is so uncomfortable that you almost believe he might hear your heartbeat, and it’s sorrowful melody. Yet as you’re lost in your thoughts, you suddenly bump into his back, Katakuri completely immobile, his arm turning into mochi to prevent any sort of attack. His Haki feels something, and it will come from the right. Before you can anticipate anything, he quickly grabs you and jumps aside, avoiding a shot of eggs in your direction. Harmless for sure, but it’s enough for you to let loose a surprised scream. Both of you can hear the chirping laughter of playful children, perhaps some orphans who love to play tricks during Halloween night. However, with all that fog, all this situation, the jack-o’-lantern floating in the air and watching you with their frightening empty eyes, the suspicious sounds and some far away laughter, you can’t help but feel definitely scared. That’s probably why you didn’t notice that you’re still trapped against Katakuri’s chest, both of your hands gripping his jacket strongly.

“I think it’s them who stole my spoon!” You gently cry, your eyes coming up, only to see that you’re still there… against him. “I’m…”

“It’s a scary night, where mischief and tricks are allowed.” Katakuri assures, this time, his large hand cupping your jawline. “And I have been harsh with you, haven’t I? Your emotions are shattered. Are you still scared, right now?”

You shake your head slowly, your bottom lip trembling under the softness of his touch, so different from his usual cold attitude. Does he really want you to go?

“No, Sir, I’m not scared when I’m with you.” You assure, before looking down. “I’m only scared when you’re not around…”

You’re opening-up one more time, because after all, this is probably the last time you’d be able to be close to him this way.

“I didn’t mean to insult Mama’s orders earlier, and I know very well my position in this world, Sir. But may the ghosts of the night witness me and give me their former strength; I’m also heartbroken to realize you’re going to get married and that you want me away by tomorrow.” You press your forehead against the bottom of his pec, and close your eyes. “Your presence soothes me more than I could imagine, and even if I’m not worthy of experiencing these feelings, they are there, Sir.” You pause, and feel that his hand moves from your jaw to the top of your head, caressing them with a light touch. “I’m not a noble nor a respectable woman, I don’t have any wealth, and my all life is nothing but servitude. I’ll be the maid of the Charlotte Family forever, trapped in my condition, unable to escape it no matter what I can wish for. But through your kindness, I’ve seen someone I fell in love with.”

He flinches to your statement, as he immediately withdraws his hand from your hair. You look up, concerned, only to see something unusual in his eyes. It’s not wrath, nor disgust… it’s fear.

“Name, you’re thinking out of your mind, because you haven’t seen my full appearance. Your feelings bloomed because of my sympathy towards you, but I’m still the monster people are afraid of.”

“Are you talking about the secret you hide behind your scarf, Sir?” You try with the best soothing voice you can offer. “I don’t believe you can be monstrous, Sir. Monsters are like those kids we met in the dark and throw eggs at you. You have the kindest soul among the Charlotte’s, your intentions are justified and genuine. You’re loyal to your family, but you have a heart, I know you enough to be certain of that. A man like that couldn’t be monstrous, no matter what a scarf rolled around his face might hide.”

A ravenous fire begins to burn within Katakuri’s chest, as he doesn’t believe he can fight those emotions until the end of time. No one has never been that kind towards him, his atrocious appearance always something deeply traumatizing for anyone who looked at him. He doesn’t wish to scare you, but at the same time, he somehow wishes to witness a real proof of your statement. Perhaps you would find him repulsive enough to run away? At least, he wouldn’t have to make that despicable choice between his heart and his mind right now. Therefore, with a slow gesture, Katakuri grips his scarf and starts to roll it off his face. Under the moonlight of this Halloween night, he would look like the most disgusting monster, but alas, this appearance would be his only one forever. Fangs finally exposed, Katakuri waits for the reaction he has been anticipating forever, his haki unable to be used as he’s not fully calm anymore. What will you say? Would you suddenly take a step backward, your fear unable to be muffled anymore? Peering down at you, he believes there won’t be any other way, any other ending for a man like him. Yet, as you’re staring at him, plastered against his torso, you don’t seem to go away.

“I don’t see any monster here…” You whisper tenderly, and smile at him. “You’re not hideous, and I don’t feel scared.”

Katakuri harshly swallows his spite, before he eventually cups both of your cheeks, the pad of his gloved thumbs caressing your skin.

“And I don’t wish you to go anywhere else but my mansion.” He answers, blushing harder than he would believe. “I don’t wish to cast you away. I was upset because of what I’m about to do.”

You frown, unsure, and he nods slowly.

“Finding good arguments to cancel this wedding, because Mama can be reasonable when she’s in the mood.” He continues, as he pulls you closer, more determined. “My wedding isn’t something as valuable as the weddings of other of my siblings. Mama wishes to have both the power and the strength to claim the pirate throne, and I shall be her weapon by her side, not a grounded husband, pleasing someone else’s whims. Mama will understand that.”

He squats down a little bit, until his eyes would be right in front of yours, his face dangerously close from yours. You have many thoughts crossing your mind, yet, not a single word is able to leave your mouth. Katakuri frowns.

“Will you stay by my side?” He asks with a weaker voice than expected, serious but flustered, his irises digging into yours. “I… don’t ever wish to lose you.”

You nod several times, both of your hands coming up to follow the curve of his jawline, silently analyzing the deep and forbidden beauty of his uncommon features. Katakuri eventually grabs one of your hand, pressing his lips onto your palm.

“If I ever need to marry someone, Name, I will do everything to marry you, and no one else.” He says, before he pulls you even closer. “But for now… I think I will just seal this promise with a kiss, if you allow me.”

Certain that his secret promise wouldn’t be busted by anyone in this foggy night, and once he’s sure you wouldn’t push him away anymore, Katakuri comes forward and presses his lips for the first time on yours, sealing this promise he has been thinking about for months already. Your love might be forbidden, unconventional and desperate, but as a man who has never known tenderness in the first place, he believes that he wouldn’t ever share this with anyone else. There, watched by the ghosts of Halloween and the gentle light of the lanterns, lips sealed, Katakuri feels like the happiest man in the world.

[the-gay-prometheus]

Frankenstein AU Segment - “Home Again”

Ok fun fact: I’ve been working on a segment for about two weeks now.

Second fun fact: This is not that segment, but instead something I wrote entirely spur of the moment in the timespan of about 1 hour total.

It’s extremely self indulgent, I’ll be honest. From writing an entire big useless paragraph of Henry horseback riding because I’ve been missing horseback riding and horse related things all day, to the entire actual context of this segment being... well... being what I wish I could have through my transition. If anybody wants to be my Henry and support me unconditionally as I go through my own transition that would be greatly appreciated jhebdjdfhbvjhdvbfv /hj

Anyways- So! This is something totally different than all of the other ones I’ve written so far, because it takes place quite a bit before Victor even goes to Ingolstadt - in fact, it takes place before he even chooses the name Victor! That means you’ll see a character named “Em” (who Henry recognizes as “Emily” at first) - and that character is young Victor!

TW: Mention of blood - absolutely harmless in context, but it is mentioned so it’s worth a tw. Otherwise this is a very generally wholesome segment (other than a small argument between Henry and his dad).

As always, likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are greatly appreciated!

“Henry! It’s nearly time for supper!”

“I’ll be right in, father!” From a leisurely walk through the green pastures of his home, Henry urged his red roan mare into one final canter across the field. In the golden light of the slowly setting sun, her mane, tail, and the feathering of her hooves flashed like threads of shimmering copper as Henry’s own vibrant auburn hair flew behind him whipping like fire in the breeze.  His hazel eyes set their sights on the stables beyond, and he tapped his heels once more against the mare’s sides, pushing her into a swift gallop. Enthralled by the rush of the wind against his freckled skin, Henry let go of the reins and extended his arms outward. He felt the air pass through his fingers and he imagined instead that they were the feathers of great wings catching the current and soaring through the sky. Though it lasted only a moment, his heart pounded with joy within his chest, still so full of adrenaline even as they approached the gate that led out from the pasture and to the stable. He dropped his hands back to the reins, pulling back gently until his mount slowed her pace back to a walk. Both human and horse panted, the mare chewing idly on her bit as Henry hopped out of the saddle and pulled the reins over her head. He led her into the stable, humming a happy tune to himself with a skip in his step. Grabbing her halter from its hook, he took her into her stall, unbuckling and removing her bridle before replacing it with the halter and tying her to the rope that hung from the wall inside. She stood quietly, each breath sending up gentle plumes of dust that glittered in the light which filtered through the stall window. 

After removing her saddle, he began brushing her patchy roaned coat. Ordinarily she was a steady, quiet mare, but Henry noticed that she kept twisting her ears toward the stall which was used for hay storage. Every now and then she would lift her head and flare her nostrils, turning toward the direction her ears were trained upon. “Do you hear something over there, girl?” Henry asked softly, watching her inquisitively. Nearly as soon as he said it, there was a soft thud from that same location, which caused him to jump and the mare to utter a low nicker. Henry pat her neck gently and cautiously stepped out of the stall, staring down the hall toward the source of the sound. “Hello?” There was a rustle within the hay, then another soft thud - followed by a quiet voice that Henry couldn’t make out what it was saying. Instinctively he grabbed a pitchfork that leaned up against the wall, pointing it toward the stall defensively. “Who’s there?” Then came a cough, more rustling of hay, and then - a small, thin figure with short, messy hair stumbled out into the hallway, promptly tripping over their own feet and falling to the ground. Henry gave the person an odd look and turned the pitchfork upright, resting on it like a walking stick. “Can I… help you?” he asked curiously, confused as to why some stranger was hiding in the hay. The stranger struggled to push themself up, and in the dim light Henry’s eyes widened as he beheld the stranger was covered in dirt and… blood? As they lifted their face, Henry suddenly dropped the pitchfork to the ground in shock. “Emily?! Is that- is it really you?” he breathed, rushing to the figure and kneeling down. Surely enough, the stranger smiled up at him with kind brown eyes.

“Oh hi, Henry,” they managed to croak - before promptly collapsing unconscious.

When Em’s eyes fluttered back open, the first thing he saw was Henry standing over him, a look of worry on his face as he gently rubbed at his dirty skin with a damp towel. He gave the ginger haired boy an odd look. “Uh… Henry?” 

“Good lord thank goodness you’re awake!” Henry exclaimed. Em blinked at him.

“What… what are you doing?”

“Hold still - I’m trying to figure out where all this blood came from!” Em couldn’t help but snort with laughter.

“Henry. Henry-” He reached out and gently grabbed his arm. “It’s not my blood.” Henry stared, then gave him a curious look, and slowly set the cloth down.

“Oh thank goodness,” he breathed with relief. There was a pause, then his curious expression returned to one of concern. “Whose blood is it?”

“Cadaver,” Em replied simply, turning away and coughing into his shoulder. “It’s a long story.” Henry stared a moment longer, then smiled.

“Well I can’t wait to hear it.” Em smiled in return, but his smile quickly faded when a muffled voice called from somewhere outside. Henry glanced up. “I’ll- I’ll be right back. Father wants me in for supper.” Em nodded. “Don’t go anywhere!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Clerval.” 

Henry sat anxiously at the table, fidgeting with the silverware and wishing he could be back in the stable with Emily. Secretly stuffed into his pocket were a few pieces of bread he intended to smuggle to his dear friend, while the food on his own plate went relatively untouched. His father sat at the head of the table, his mother directly across from him, and as usual there was awkward silence between them. “So. Henry,” his father began, breaking the silence. Henry sank in his chair, wishing he wasn’t being spoken to at the moment. “Have you decided?” Henry glanced up to him.

“Decided? Decided on what?”

“Is that not what you were doing out there? You said that you would be able to think of which trade you want to pursue better while on horseback.” Henry sheepishly looked away.

“Oh. Right. I… yes. I was thinking about it,” he answered at a length. “Definitely was thinking about that.”

“And?” He could feel his father’s gaze on him, and he shrunk down further in his chair.

“And… I still haven’t figured it out yet?” His father sighed heavily, his fork clattering onto his plate as he pressed his head into his palms.

“Henry, you’re a young man now. You need to start taking your future seriously!” he exclaimed, exasperated.

“I’ve got time! Besides, I have an idea of what I want to do but-”

“Please don’t say ‘travel the world and write stories,’” His father cut him off, mentioning his goals mockingly. Henry frowned.

“That is exactly what I want to do. Yes.”

“Traveling and story writing don’t pay, Henry!”

“Yes they do!”

“Not enough they don’t! We have talked about this before Henry - either you take up the family business or you take up a different trade. There is no other option!”

“I have plenty of options! Just let me go to university!”

“Absolutely not, Henry.” Henry groaned, putting his forehead on the table.

“Why can’t you just let me do what I know I’m meant to do?” he grumbled.

“Because this family has a reputation to keep, and you are the only one to keep it!” his father exclaimed. Henry glanced up at his mother, but she simply stayed silent. He groaned louder and looked back at his father.

“Permission to be excused?” he muttered.

“Yes but-”

“Perfect. Thank you. I’ll be back later.” With that, Henry stood and hurried out of the dining room, leaving his father to shout something after him - though his mind was too preoccupied to hear what it was he said.

“Emily?” Henry called out in a quiet whisper as he reentered the stable, lit lamp in hand. He glanced around, waiting for a response, then called out again. “Emily?!” When no response came, he ran to the hay stall to find his friend still lying on the hay, still as stone with his eyes closed. Henry stared at him a moment longer. “...Emily?” Still no response. In the dark, he couldn’t see the rise and fall of his chest, and he grew frightened. He reached out, grabbing his arm and shaking it. “Emily!”

“Good god Clerval!” Em suddenly exclaimed with a gasp, jumping awake. Henry let out a sigh of relief as he nearly fell back.

“Oh thank goodness you’re ok.”

“Of course I’m ok, Henry! I just spent months walking here from Paris on foot, I’m exhausted,” Em explained. Henry’s eyes widened.

“You got all the way to Paris?” Em thought for a moment, then smiled.

“I did.”

“What was it like?!” Henry exclaimed, his expression brightening. For a moment, Em was lost for words. He had forgotten how much he missed Henry, how much he missed the way his hazel eyes would light up and sparkle at the mention of anything that peaked his interest, how strands of his ginger hair would fall in wavy tangles over his freckled cheeks… he blinked the thoughts away, then grinned.

“It was horrible, disgusting, and absolutely wonderful. I hated it and loved it all at the same time.” Henry chuckled.

“Sounds like Paris to me.” He slowly sat down, turning and resting his back against the hay bales Em lay upon. “So what brought you back? Did things… not work out there?” Em shrugged.

“Things were ok for the most part. It was a rough life, but it was a lot of fun. I made friends, learned a lot about… well about a lot of things, I suppose. Never had a true home, but I felt home enough out there on the streets with the friends I had.” Henry felt a sudden pain in his chest at the sound of that, and he glanced down at the floor. “We got into some trouble though. ...More like I got into some trouble and unfortunately somebody else got partially blamed for it. And then, I guess, I realized I needed to come home.” He looked down at Henry. “Or at least to as much as a home as I’ve got.” Henry turned his gaze up to him and smiled slightly.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here safe now.” Em nodded.

“Me too.” There was silence between them, Em tapping his fingers idly on the hay beneath him as he thought about his next words carefully. “But that’s… not the only reason I came back.” Henry turned his eyes back ahead.

“Oh?”

“Yes. See- there’s something I discovered-”

“Some scientific marvel?” Henry teased, grinning. Em smirked.

“Well yes, but no.” He hesitated, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s… I’m… I discovered something about myself.” More silence. “Henry I- … Henry I’m actually…” Em sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled harshly. “I discovered that I’m… a man.” Henry blinked, then looked up at him.

“Is that it?” Em shot his gaze down to him.

“What do you mean ‘is that it?’” Henry shrugged. “You’re not… you’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset?”

“...I don’t know, most people seem to think it’s crazy- or weird or- unnatural- but it’s not! It’s-”

“Emily. You don’t need to justify yourself to me.” Em froze, staring down at him as he gazed back with a smile. “If you say that’s who you are, then it is who you are. Who am I to say otherwise? Who is anyone to say otherwise? You know yourself better than anyone else.” Henry’s smile suddenly faded as he realized there were tears dripping from Em’s eyes. “I- Was I supposed to be upset?” Em sniffled and let out an awkward laugh.

“No- no I’m just-” He paused, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I don’t know what I was expecting but… I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to be just so accepting.” Henry looked up at him with a sympathetic gaze.

“I’ll try not to be too offended by that,” he mused sarcastically. Em giggled and waved his hand dismissively.

“You know what I meant.” Henry nodded. “My point is… thank you. I couldn’t possibly ask for a better friend than you, Henry.”

“I do have one question, though.”

“Hm?” Em looked down at him, suddenly feeling himself fill with anxiety.

“What does this change? I mean… is there anything that’s different about you now?” Em breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well… for one thing, I’ve been going by just Em for a few years now.” Henry nodded, taking a mental note of that. “But I’m still trying to think of a better name for myself. Maybe… you could help me with that at some point?” Henry grinned.

“I’d be honored!”

“Excellent.” With great effort, Em started to sit upright, struggling to put his weight on his shaking arms. “There is… something else, though. Another reason why I came here.”

“Go on,” Henry encouraged, standing and hopping up onto the hay bale to give Em some support to sit upright. Em took a deep breath.

“This is going to sound crazy,” he began. “I need to… perform surgery.” He paused, and turned to look at Henry, who was staring at him blankly. “On myself.”

“Okay! When do we-” Henry began, until what Em had just said fully registered in his brain. “Wait, what?” Em grinned sheepishly.

“I need to perform surgery on myself,” he repeated, more confidently this time. Henry blinked.

“...That sounds incredibly dangerous. Is there something wrong with you? Why can’t you, I don’t know, get a real doctor to help you?” Em frowned.

“Well it’s nothing that’s wrong with me- it’s just…” He sighed. “I’m… I’ve grown up, I guess. And even though I never really felt weird in my body before, things started changing and suddenly it just… didn’t quite feel right anymore, if that makes any sense. Apparently it’s a common symptom of being… well… whatever I am. See- I had this friend, his name was René and he was… you know, the same as me. He used to tell me all the time how he wished there was a way to just get rid of the parts of himself that didn’t feel right, and- well you know me, Henry, when somebody says they wish something was possible, I have to find a way to make it possible.” Henry listened carefully, and nodded with a grin.

“That’s for sure.”

“Well… that’s when I decided I would try to figure it out - that way I could make it happen for him, and maybe even train him so he could do the same for me! Henry, we could’ve changed the world for countless others like us!” Henry blinked.

“...So why didn’t you?” Em suddenly went quiet, then exhaled softly.

“I knew it would take an awful lot of practice, and no doctor would ever reasonably let me apprentice under them for such an undertaking so… I may or may not have taken matters into my own hands.” Henry stared blankly. “Hence… cadavers. René helped me steal the tools I needed and aided me with breaking into the morgue every night so I could practice. All was going well, but it turns out people don’t seem to be overly keen on evidence being tampered with or bodies being ‘desecrated.’ So one night just as I finally got every part of my methods down correctly, we got caught. We both ran, but we had to split up and… I know René slipped but… I was too busy with my own pursuers to turn back for him.” He stared off into the distance, a suddenly sorrowful expression in his eyes. “I hope he’s ok… but it was then that I realized it would be unsafe for me to stay, and the only other person I could think of who could help me with such an undertaking as this… was you.” Henry’s eyes widened.

“Em I hardly think I’m qualified-”

“You don’t have to be! I can teach you. I’ll do most of the work, and you just have to do what I tell you, and everything should work out just fine.” Henry crossed his arms with a sigh. He thought it through, and although he wanted so badly to say no, the look of determination on Em’s face convinced him well enough that this was something his dear friend so desperately needed. 

“As long as you think we can pull it off, you know I’ll always be here to help,” he reassured him with a smile. Em grinned, suddenly lurching forward and embracing him in as tight a hug as he could muster. Henry sat stunned, his cheeks suddenly burning as he felt himself blush, but he nervously chuckled and wrapped his arms around Em in return, not realizing that Em’s own pale cheeks were turning bright pink, until both of them awkwardly released each other and sat there turned away from one another. “Well… I suppose I should be off to bed,” Henry muttered, still with a sheepish smile on his face. Em flopped back down onto the hay, resting his hands behind his head. “We can talk more in the morning and- oh!” Henry pulled out the bread he had smuggled from his pockets, and held it out to Em, who gladly snatched it and immediately began shoving it unceremoniously into his mouth. “Figured you were hungry so… heh. Anyways… I’ll see about bringing you breakfast tomorrow too, just like old times.” Em grinned up at him.

“Jus’ ‘ike o’ ‘imes,” he answered, mouth still full with bread. Henry hopped down from the hay bales, taking his lantern once again.

“I’m glad you came back, Em,” he mentioned, standing just outside the stall door. Em turned and glanced back at him, smiling brightly.

“I’m glad to be back. I missed you, Henry. Nothing is ever the same without you, you know.”

“Same to you, Em.” With that, Henry strode out and quietly closed the door behind him. As he started back toward the house, he paused, turning back toward the stable with a bittersweet gaze and a flutter in his chest. You have no idea just how much I missed you, he thought. But you’re here now, and that’s- that’s good enough for me. Filled with a sudden surge of energy, he jumped into the air with an exclamation of joy and ran back to the house, twirling and prancing as he ran until he was dizzy from the thrill. He paused at the door, panting, looking back toward the stable with a massive grin and a glimmer in his eyes. “Oh Em,” he breathed out loud, chest heaving as he caught his breath, “I can’t wait to see the person you become.”

[frostsinth]

Burdened by the Stars - Pt. 4

Part 1 | 2 | 3 - MasterList

Picking up a bit of motivation for this story again. Yay! And sorry, the boys can’t seem to get it into their heads that this one is not their story. I’ll try to keep their visitation to a minimum.

But regardless, here’s more of the sass and himbo duo! If you like my work, consider supporting me by buying me a coffee from the link in my MasterList above. I have lots of other inane ramblings there too if you are interested. DM me for commissions, shoot me asks with thoughts/comments!

All the best, and Enjoy!

After a brief assessment away from the dizzying presence of the half-orc, I realized there was very little chance of the Royal quarters actually having what I needed. Nikostratus was the tallest and broadest in the family, and even he did not come very close to matching Erramun in height. Besides, I couldn’t imagine my neat and tidy older brother wouldn’t notice his clothing going missing. But the laundering rooms were near the bottom level of the castle, closer to the city than the towers. There was no telling if once I arrived I would be able to find some appropriate clothing with any ease, considering that laundry from every part of the castle was often washed in mixed tubs. There was also no way for me to know whose clothes would be on rotation for wash today, nor in what state, batch, or bin they might be in if I did find them. Which made a visit to the laundering rooms, while more anonymous and definitely more diverse, absolutely impractical for my devices. However, the guards quarters were not quite so far; only a few levels down and adjacent to the training cliffs. There, I knew, I would be most likely to find the belongings of perhaps the one resident in the entire goblin castle that might have a few items close enough to Erramun’s size.

It was an easy enough trip, though I tried to make it as hastily as possible. No guarantees of what that fool would get up to if I left him to his own devices for too long. I also wasn’t entirely sure he had been completely honest when he had said he could manage the bath. Considering his wooziness since I had met him in the forest, I worried he might just pass out in the water and drown. Not that my being there would be much help, I reasoned. I certainly wasn’t strong enough to haul a half-drowned half orc from the water should he require it. I was also more than a little perturbed with the recollection of the taut green skin running over his shoulders and muscular back. My mind supplied ample fodder for what might be waiting a little further down than my eye had succeeded in wandering during our prior parting. And the thoughts brought a hot flush to my cheeks. I quickly forced myself to focus on the task at hand.

Thankfully, the barracks were also mostly quiet. The majority of the guard would be on their daily patrols, or perhaps in the dining commons catching a meal beforehand. Any left here would be from night shift, so would most likely be resting in their bunks. I had been here often enough, and knew the layout by heart (as I knew most of the castle). I headed towards the largest of the chambers, near the back, where the General kept his private quarters. Retired General, he would say, should you care to ask him. Though considering he still managed to keep busy enough maintaining the guards and patrols, perhaps that was not the optimal word. His title was more ceremonial now than necessity, as he had the guard running like a perfectly well oiled machine, and more often than not you could find him with a drink in hand, laughing alongside the nobles in the sitting rooms of the castle. Still, I was glad General Damjan had maintained some personal quarters in the castle rather than permanently retiring outside its walls. It meant I might actually have a chance of finding a set of clothes that would fit my behemoth charge. I was also fortunate that although Damjan kept his private quarters locked, I knew exactly where the old soldier kept his key. 

Damjan was, in a sense, like a grandfather to me. He had been a major part of Grier’s life after his father’s passing, and when Nikostratus had moved to the castle he had taken my brother under his wing as well. So it fell to reason that he had me spoiled rotten by the time I was 11; teaching me all the best goblinese curses, and a few fighting moves that were certainly not proper for a Princess to know. The old half-goblin was also a sound source for advice, and had an ample stock of wisdom to share with anyone willing to listen. Therefore, I had been to visit him in his office and chambers more than a few dozen times over the years. Which meant I knew his rooms nearly as well as mine and Niko’s. Allowing me to steal in and out with as simple a shirt and pair of trousers as I could find and relock his door all within a matter of minutes. I was assuaged of the little stab of guilt I felt by the fact that if Damjan had been around to ask, he certainly would have been more than indulgent of my request. I simply just didn’t have the time right now to look for the old General to tell him I had another half-orc stashed upstairs in my private chambers. I made a silent promise to the universe that I would make him a plate of his favorite pastries to make up for it.

It had barely been half an hour since I had left Erramun when I skittered down an upper hallway back towards the towers. Still, despite having managed to avoid the entirety of the current inhabitants of the castle and with prize in hand, I was anxious to be back. I was so distracted by the thought of what the half orc would be doing alone in my bed chambers that I moved automatically and inattentively. Causing me to almost run head first into a goblin as we both rounded the same corner from opposite directions.

“Ah, little bird!” He exclaimed delightedly as we recovered ourselves.

I nearly squeaked in surprise, quickly hiding the bundle of clothes behind my back as Grier fixed me with his classic toothy smile. The goblin King seemed un-bothered by our near collision, though I had to work quickly to throw a cover over my guilty expression. I saw his scarlet eyes flick over me curiously at my movement, and one slender brow cocked up. I knew I would have to work fast to evade suspicion and make my escape. My brother-in-law was perpetually curious, and keenly observant. Prolonging our interaction would only heighten the chances that I would have to build a lie I wasn’t prepared to forge.

“Sorry, Grier, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” I told him quickly, starting to slide around his side. Careful to face him as I did with my back and hands squarely out of his line of sight. “But I’m sure you’re very busy, so I won’t keep you!”

He spun slowly on heel to match my movement. “No trouble at all, little bird,” He replied, and I saw the suspicion already growing quickly on his face as his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, “Nikostratus has been looking for you, you know.”

“Oh, he’s always looking for me,” I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, shrugging my shoulders, “Mostly because the majority of that time he spends lost in the halls. Or searching a place he already checked having turned himself around and gone back on his own feet.”

Grier laughed at that, placing his hands on his hips. “Yes, the man is completely hopeless I fear.” He followed me a step down the hall as I started to retreat backwards. “But none-the-less… you seem to be making a particular point of avoiding him this time around.”

“I am just busy,” I started to assure him, “I-”

“Morgana, you know you have been avoiding us both since you first got here nearly a week ago.” He interrupted, his voice becoming uncharacteristically serious. “I am not sure what we did… or what you’re hiding… but please keep in mind you have the same air of secrecy about you as when you rescued that bear cub from the forest when you were 15.” He shifted his hands to cross his arms over his chest. His thin lips twitching in amusement. “It was halfway through the kitchen pantry before you finally came clean… I do hope you’ve learned your lesson since then?”

I gave a nervous, forced laugh. “I haven’t smuggled in any wild animals, I promise.” Which was technically true.

He gave an unconvinced ‘hmmm’ at that. “But you do know you can talk to us, yes?” He asked quickly, even as I opened my mouth to continue, “About anything that may be bothering you.” His head tilted slightly to one side. “... Nikostratus is worried about you.”

I felt a little tongue of anger flare up in me at that. “I’m not a child anymore.” I scoffed, my brow furrowing slightly. “I don’t need nor want my brother hovering over me like some agitated mother hen!”

Grier considered that as well, and I started to take a few steps backwards down the hall. Eager to make my escape. Shaking my head in frustration and thinking that was the end of it. My brother-in-law was not usually the confrontational sort with me. He was good at gathering information, at poking holes in my defenses; but I tended to think he preferred to be my confidant rather than my guardian. We had developed a rather close relationship since he had married my brother, mostly revolving around how best to manage my tight lipped, straight backed sibling. It had been a rocky start for the two of them, and I had exclusive inside knowledge of how best to break through Niko’s stony exterior. In later years, he had more often than not come to my defense when my brothers had sought to disperse punishments, or withhold liberties. He understood my wild spirit better than either of them, and that it caused my siblings and I to butt heads frequently. Not to say he wasn’t carefully responsible around me. He had taken me as his ward as much as Niko had back our mother had passed when I was born. But he usually left any actual scolding to my brothers.

Which was why I nearly stumbled in surprise when he persisted in the face of my irritation. Rather than letting it pass as he usually would.

“Well, that may be the case, little bird,” He said, even as I continued to inch away from him, “But regardless, you know your brother will always worry about you. And-” He continued before I could interject “- Even if you are upset with him, that is no reason to avoid your commitments. Most prominent being the promise you made to your nieces and nephews.”

That made me falter, and my retreat stilled. “... I didn’t mean-”

“You promised you would go with them to the gardens.” He pressed, not allowing me breath for excuses. The goblin raised one bejeweled hand, silencing any protests I might have had. “I understand if you would like your space from myself and Nikostratus, and I will speak to him about allowing you some. However, I would ask that you do not allow your current disdain to rub off on the children, as they have done nothing to raise your ire, and do not deserve your neglect.”

I winced now, guiltily. “I forgot I…” I hesitated, and half expected Grier to fill the lull, as he often did. But the goblin merely raised his brow at me again, and I shuffled in my shame. “... Of course. I’m sorry. I will be sure to collect them from their lessons today…” I couldn’t help a guilty glance over my shoulder, as if I would be able to see the clothes scrunched up behind my back. “... I just need to drop something off in my rooms first, then I promise I’ll go straight to see them.”

“I appreciate that.” He replied, nodding slightly. “I know you likely didn’t intend for them to get swept up in… whatever this is.” He crossed his arms again. “Still, I hope you and your brother reconcile soon.” His toothy grin returned. “I miss our little bird.”

I laughed softly, dropping my gaze to the floor. “I don’t think we’re fighting, per say...” I hesitated briefly, “...but I’ll… keep that in mind.”

“And I’ll keep in mind that being stubborn and hot tempered runs in the family.” He mused, his voice still light-hearted. “And will try to muster what patience I can to wait this out.”

I almost laughed again, but settled for a respectful dip of my head. I longed to inch away, back down the hall in the direction of my rooms. But waited as long as I could stand under the goblin King’s scrutiny to avoid any more suspicion. Grier did consider me one last time, then sighed and gave his own little nod. Turning to head off himself. No sooner had he started than I spun and darted down the hall. Pulling my bundle of clothes around to shield them from his view as I did. I wondered only briefly what he would make of that, but didn’t bother to linger on it long.

I took the steps to the tower two at a time, my heart pounding in my ears by the time I reached the top. Thankfully, no one else was around at that moment, and I made it back to my rooms unmolested.

I leaned back against my closed door with a brief sigh of relief. I hoped Grier wouldn’t go looking for Niko yet. I knew he would be inclined to tell my brother about our interaction; the two shared just about everything with one another. Still I hoped he might wait until much later in the day. To give me a chance to properly wrap things up here before one of the pair came looking for me again. I didn’t linger long against the wood, my eyes already darting about the small sitting room. But it seemed my strange company was nowhere to be seen. I had been away for far too long for him to be bathing still, I reasoned. Unless perhaps he was a particularly lazy orc, or was enjoying the hot, fresh water a bit too much. Not that I could picture such a thing, though I reminded myself I didn’t know him all that well after all. I gathered up the salve and bandages from before in my bundle, listening for any sounds I might hear. I noticed the door to the bathing rooms appeared to be as I had left it, and hesitantly made my way over. I quickly chided myself, straightening up and squaring my shoulders. These were my rooms. I shouldn’t have to sneak about shyly.

I did however allow him the courtesy of rapping my knuckles lightly against the sliding door.

“Hey, you still alive in there?” I called lightly.

When there was no response, my heart leapt, and I attempted to force down the sudden anxiety trapping itself in my throat. I cracked my knuckles against the door again, then slowly slid it open. More than a little leery of seeming something I didn’t want to see. Or admitting to myself that maybe it was something I did. The memory of our last parting surfaced unbidden to my thoughts, and I stubbornly pushed it away.

The bathing room beyond was empty. The waters rippled and gently gurgled with the natural flow of the water, but otherwise it was still. I might have been able to convince myself that the entire day had been a figment of my overactive imagination had it not been for the pile of soiled towels by the edge of the pool. I groaned internally, bustling in and peeking into the corners as if the behemoth man could have somehow managed to hide behind the potted plants. At least there didn’t appear to be a trail of blood anywhere. I prayed to whomever was listening that the dolt hadn’t deigned to leave the chambers.

“Where are you, you idiot?” I grumbled, tucking my bundle under one arm and heading to the door at the opposite end.

“In here.” Came the reply, and I nearly shook with relief.

He must have keener hearing than I thought. Or he had been listening for my return. The door to my bedroom was slightly cracked, and I shouldered it the rest of the way open, then spun to close it behind me. Using the motion as an excuse to steady myself as the sound of his deep voice seemed to have rattled me strangely.

“I do hope you aren’t-” I started as I turned, then promptly squealed loudly in surprise, dumping the clothes, bandages, and salve unceremoniously to the floor as both hands shot up to cover my eyes.

“Eh?” I heard the shuffle of his feet across the bare stone floor as he must have continued his own turn to face me. “Is something the matter?”

“WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES??” I nearly shrieked.

Though I kept my palms firmly clasped over my eyes, the previous momentary glimpse of the half-orc’s assured nudity was currently seared deep into my mind’s eye. The fine toned abdomen. The taut green buttocks, with a dimple above the top of each cheek in the small of his back. He must have washed his hair, for the long mohawk of growth had spilled over his skin like polished ebony in soft looking tendrils. Leading my eyes over his broad green shoulders. And when he had started to turn… the soft ‘v’ shape at the top of his hips leading down to…

The sight (and now, memory of the sight) left my mouth decidedly dry and my lips refusing to work properly. I felt an unfamiliar twitch in my fingers as the urge to pull them apart and sneak another peek rushed through me. There was no way! No way any man should be that… I swallowed hard, shaking my head with my hands pressed so tightly to my face it almost hurt.

“You said they were filthy, and inappropriate.” He reminded me matter-of-factly, and I could almost hear the shrug of those big shoulders. Big, broad, muscular shoulders-

“That doesn’t mean you should walk around NAKED!” I snapped, finally starting to come to my senses. I shifted my hands so that one covered both eyes, and crouched down in an attempt to blindly find what I had discarded in my panic.

“What was I to wear?” He replied. “Your drying cloths are tiny. I needed three just to-”

“I don’t care!” I managed to find the clothes by groping about with my free hand, and stood. Tossing them towards the sound of his voice and hearing a disgruntled huff as they hit him. “Just put those on, quickly, before my breakfast makes a reappearance.”

Erramun gave an angry grumble, but I heard the shake and shuffle of cloth as he did. “I didn’t know human stomachs were so sensitive.” His voice became muffled briefly as I assumed he pulled the shift over his head. “I always thought my mother was being dramatic when she scolded me for forgetting to dress.”

“If your mother imparted any other wisdom to you regarding humans, I suggest now is the time you take it to heart.” I replied sourly. Careful to keep my palms firmly fastened over my eyes. Though the heat of my cheeks nearly burned me.

I was so focused on not looking, I didn’t hear the soft scrape of his bare feet again as he moved forward. I jumped about a foot in the air as his hands suddenly came around my wrists. Gently pulling them free from my face. Leaving me suddenly face to face with a soft silk and cotton shirt, its untied collar just hinting at the toned chest I had been privy to moments before. I tried to ignore that memory, and fought through a sudden haze at the realization that his fingers were almost as gentle and soft as they were strong. And how close he currently stood to me. My heart skipped and I felt my breath catch in my throat as my head craned back to look up at him. He gave me a lopsided grin that had my knees feeling a little weak, and I felt him gently turn my hands in his. Until the backs of my hands rested in his palms and he could run his thumbs over the pads of my fingers.

“I am sorry, Gana,” He told me gently, “I did not mean to startle you so.”

 For a second, I couldn’t find the air in my lungs to speak. I struggled for a moment, and saw those bright emerald green eyes of his flick about my face. Thoughtfully, perhaps… almost appreciatively. And the way he was studying my features suggested he had been meaning to do just that for some time now. Up close, with seemingly time to spare to linger on each inch. I felt the flames beneath each cheek rekindle, but was strangely frozen for another few staggered beats of my heart. Finally, I yanked my hands from his, quickly shaking my head again to dispel the moment. Stubbornly denying it had ever existed.

“Is the apology her wisdom or yours?” I quipped, pleased to find my sarcasm still had a sharp bite to it despite the swirling quality of my thoughts.

My heart nearly faltered again at his answering smile. “A little bit of both, I suppose.”

I scoffed, trying to clear my head as I waved my hand at him dismissively. “Then perhaps there is some hope for you after all…” I took a step back, eager to put some space between us and hopefully regain a little more of my senses. “What are you even doing back here?” I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t suppose your mother ever told you it is incredibly rude to snoop around a lady’s chambers?”

“Hmm. She may have raised that point once or twice.” He grinned again, turning to follow my progression as I stalked around him angrily. I crouched down briefly to gather up the remainders of my bundle from the floor. “But you took longer than expected… And I was curious.” His head cocked to the side as he slowly followed me to the center of the room by the bed. “Are these the Princess’ rooms?”

I nearly dropped the jar and bandages again, spinning on him with the vial of healing salve in hand. “What makes you say that??”

He nodded to the corner. “The jewels and such.” I followed his gaze to my vanity table, where I had left some never used jewelry as thoughtlessly as one might discard soiled clothes on a chair. “I do not think even human servants tend to have such things.”

“I never said I was a servant.” I reminded him sourly, then jerked my chin. “Sit.”

“You haven’t said much of anything.” He shot back, but did as he was told and settled onto the chest at the foot of the bed.

“Eventually you may just conclude that that is entirely by design.” I said, opening the jar as he rolled his shirt up on one side. I pretended not to notice the tautness of his flesh or the shape of his abdomen as I slowly spread some of the salve on his wound. It seemed to have mostly stopped bleeding, which was good. “You may even come to remember that I am looking to get you out of here as quickly as I can. And the sooner that is the better.”

“Do I really disgust you so?” He asked, sounding bitter.

My eyes darted up to his face in surprise. And I got stuck in the quality of those emerald greens for a moment longer than I would ever admit. I adjusted my tongue in my mouth, forcing my eyes away from his finally and reaching for the pile of bandages I had brought.

“... You don’t disgust me.” I admitted quietly.

He snorted, wincing slightly as I began to carefully apply first a clean square bandage, then the longer ones wrapped about him to hold it in place. It brought me uncomfortably close to him. I couldn’t help but take in a breath next to his skin, and found the smell of him made my nostrils quiver. I was just surprised to find he didn’t stink anymore, I assured myself silently. That was all. I had come to expect him to smell like dirt and blood, not this strangely pleasant smell he currently had. It meant nothing that I noticed it.

“You don’t seem to like me all that much.” He replied. “I am not sure what else it would be.”

I straightened, having secured the end of the bandage in place, and crossed my arms over my chest. “Oh, obviously I must hate you then. That must be why, and it has nothing at all to do with the reason why you are even here in the first place.” I scoffed.

“Eh?”

My eyes rolled, and I was grateful for it as I didn’t have to watch him roll his shirt back down over his stomach again. The way his shoulders shifted and moved beneath the fabric wasn’t at all fair.

“You came here insistent that you would be marrying the Princess. Am I supposed to welcome you with open arms?” I placed my hands back on my hips and scowled at him. “Perhaps you assume that since you plan to marry her, that means you should be treated as a Prince?”

That warranted me a loud guffaw, and my eyes widened slightly in surprise. His crooked grin had my heart skipping, and I scoffed again in an attempt to dislodge it from my throat. The big orc stood, swaying for half a moment and forcing me back a step as he reached out to steady himself on the post beam of the bed. I eyed him warily, not too fond of the idea of being crushed by his bulk should he lose his balance and completely topple over. He managed to keep his feet however, and half staggered over to a full length mirror.

The clothes fit him surprisingly well, though it seemed that General Damjan was a bit narrower and lankier than he was. The sleeves of his cream colored shirt bunched up at his wrists, but you couldn’t tell since the collar of the shirt was filled with soft ruffles and the style was of a looser fit. It draped lazily over his shoulders, clinging to his upper arms and chest as he moved, with a straight cut that had him looking even taller than before. His trousers, a dark brown, disappeared beneath the long hanging tails of the shirt, but hugged his thighs snuggly. The outside seam of each leg had a dash of lighter thread, accenting the length of his limbs, as well as their shape. I had to take a moment to adjust my gaze from those firm, muscular thighs of his before his emerald eyes noticed me ogling him from behind.

“I look… foolish…” He grumbled.

I crossed my arms. “Good, you finally reflect your natural state then.” He snorted, turning this way and that and playing with the fabrics. I rolled my eyes again. “The shirt is supposed to be tucked into the pants. You look like you just rolled out of bed.”

He glanced at me in the mirror, then back at his shirt. “... How?? These pants are too tight. There is no space!”

That had me laughing, despite myself. Certainly the goblins had an interesting sense of fashion, preferring aesthetics over functionality and comfort. Though I supposed the same could be said for some of the human court styles. Neither had put much thought into moving around. And based upon his previous attire, pants were not something the young orc was used to. My laugh petered out when I saw his lopsided grin waiting for me in the mirror. His whole face seemed a little brighter for it. I shook my head, unable to hide a lingering smile, and moved over to the bed.

“Alright, enough of that. I have someplace to be. And you should get some rest.” I told him as I adjusted the thick blankets and pillows. Peeling back a corner for him.

“You’re leaving again?”

My eyes darted up to him, surprised to hear the tang of remorse in his words. I slapped the blankets a few times for good measure. Letting out an impatient sigh.

“Yes, it may come as a shock to you, but I actually do have regular responsibilities outside of cleaning up errant wandering idiots.” I teased, straightening and taking a step back to allow him access to the bed. “Plus I have to see to your mare still.”

“... So I can stay?”

I groaned, pushing my wild hair back out of my face. Trying to ignore the odd pitter patter of my heart at the question. I gave him a once over, as if chewing on the thought. Certainly it was not because I was making excuses to prolong his company. That of course I found the half-orc taxing. There shouldn’t be any question that I wanted him out of my life as soon as possible.

“I can’t very well send you off until I know you aren’t going to pass out in a ditch somewhere.” I told him. Making an effort to sound as though I was at least mildly chaffed with the idea. “So yes, you oaf. You can stay.” I bit my lip, shuffling. “... For now.”

Erramun slowly walked over, sitting on the edge of the mattress. His eyes looked over the room again. I shuffled my skirts and turned to gather up a few things to manage the clutter a bit better. Suddenly very aware of the fact that I had a strange man in my personal chambers. At best it was highly improper. At worst, it was downright dangerous. Afterall, I had only known Erramun a few days, and yet let myself be locked up in my bedroom alone with him. If Niko found out, he might just have a stroke on the spot. Though he might remain upright long enough to run my visitor through with his sword first.

“Won’t the Princess be cross that you are using her chambers to wash an orc?” He mused, tilting his head to one side.

“Half-orc, you mean?” I teased, glad my back was to him so he didn’t see my mouth twitch in amusement. “And I don’t think she’ll mind much.”

“She lets you use these rooms for yourself,” He reasoned, and I saw his nose twitch out the corner of my eye, “The bed smells like you.”

I nearly tripped over my own feet. Tossing an armful of my things into a chest and closing it. I glanced at him briefly as I grabbed a small empty basket and put the remainder of the dressings and the jar of salve in it.

“Stop smelling me. It’s rude.”

He grinned. “I will try to breathe through my mouth then. Or would that be rude too?”

“I’m not sure you’re capable of being anything else.” I returned airly, looking around and considering my handiwork for a moment. “Except perhaps a fool.”

Erramun chuckled, a sound that came from somewhere deep in his chest. I glance at him out the corner of my eye. “I hope the Princess will not think so.”

“Don’t count on it.”

“You are close with her then?”

I groaned. Well, it had been nearly a few minutes since the last mention of the Princess that time. “Honestly, do you ever think of anything else?” I grumbled. “Must be dull, revolving your life around marrying a girl you’ve never met.”

“You say it like I have a choice.” He grumbled right back.

I turned to him once more, the morose tone of his voice giving me pause. It seemed in stark contrast to the teasing lightness from before. The half-orc had his head bowed, his over defined brow scrunched. The long tendrils of his damp hair trailed around his face. I considered this for only a brief moment, returning my hands to my hips.

“Don’t you?” He didn’t look up at me at my words. I felt a tick of irritation at that. “You are an orc, half or otherwise. You are not beholden to the whims of a court, or the expectations of your people. You do not have the same responsibility to put the welfare of others above your own freedom and happiness.” I glanced off to the side, my eyes drifting longingly to the window. “You can wander under the open skies, should you so choose. You can see far off lands, go on adventures, take risks-”

“If I want to be selfish, and ignore the suffering of my people.” He interrupted, his voice heated. “Perhaps everyone here is magically accepting, but at the border, being over six foot and having green skin is enough to get you harassed. If not worse.”

“And marrying a Princess will solve that?” I shot back, equally hot.

“It will ease tensions.” He argued. “It will prove that we are not savages. That we can make alliances-”

I threw up my hands exasperatedly. “Even if I had a year, I still wouldn’t have enough time to point out all the flaws in your reasoning. And right now, I have to go collect my nieces and nephews.” I moved over to swipe a clean cloak from one of the hooks by the armoire. “You stew in your own idiocy, or, preferably, sleep. So that perhaps I can have you out of my hair before it starts to turn grey.” I spun on him, leveling one stern finger at his face. “And don’t even think about leaving this room.”

Erramun raised one brow at me, his thick lips pursing together around his tusks. Then his head tilted to the side, and that lopsided grin returned. It made my determination falter briefly, almost so much that I nearly took a step back in light of it.

“You are quite fierce, Gana.” He mused. “If the Princess is anything like you, I will be lucky.”

That had a sound heat rising to my cheeks, but I shook my head. Scoffing loudly. “You are a fool and a half.” I grumbled, turning my back on him so he couldn’t see the strange crash of emotions that fought their way across my face. “Single minded and absolutely incorrigible.”

He snorted, sounding amused. “Something else then. If I sleep in your bed, where will you sleep?” 

His words had me freezing in the doorway to the foyer. I tried to ignore the rapid speed of my pulse, swallowing heavily and shaking my head. Based upon the tone of his voice, I knew that stupid lopsided smile was still on his face. I replaced the heat of embarrassment at his implication with that of anger.

“Preferably just about anywhere else.” I snapped, then stormed out to the hall. Being sure to lock the door behind me.

UPDATE: Part Five HERE

[if-you-built-yourself-a-myth]

Check Ignition: Part X

That Sobbe fake-dating Hogwarts au that one person asked for and I dove into headfirst.... ALL DONE! (besides any editing)

First part // Previous part

Thank you all for sticking with me here. I'm going to make some sweeping edits to this fic on AO3 sometime in the next months, so if you have suggestions, feel free to shoot me an ask. You can also request oneshots if you like :)

Robbe had whiplash. The phone call, the blurry note, the revelation, and now Sander. Sander at his front door. Sander looking into his apartment, at the world he’d done nothing but complain about and avoid while at school. Sander, who suffered like Robbe’s mother without Robbe ever knowing, and who listened to Robbe lament things that were not her fault.

He choked on his breath.

Sander had no problem continuing the conversation. “It wasn’t fake for me, okay? It never was. I need you to get that.”

“Do you want to come in?” said Robbe.

“Who’s at the door?” called his mother from the living room. Robbe bit back the part of him that wanted to hide her away.

Sander shook his head, and water flung from the ends of his hair. “I don’t need to come in. You just had to know that. So when you come back to school, we’ll talk.”

“We could talk, um, now.”

“I don’t want to ruin your Christmas,” said Sander. “Jens said you were free though, so I had to—”

The proximity was too much for Robbe, and maybe for Sander too, because Sander grabbed Robbe by both cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. They should muddle through everything that just went down. They should clear a space in the living room to discuss everything that happened between them during the past few weeks, most of which was still a blur, even to Robbe. They should—

Robbe leaned deeper into the kiss. All that could wait. Kissing Sander felt like breathing air after being trapped underwater.

“Robbe, who’s at the door?” his mother called again.

They broke apart for a second, Robbe’s lips stinging. Sander looked at Robbe, blinked as if surprised, and went right back in for round two. Robbe barely mustered a breath to shout, “A friend,” before Sander’s mouth on his neck sent a shiver down his spine.

“This isn’t talking,” Robbe hissed into Sander’s shoulder.

“Shut up,” said Sander. The physical aspect of their relationship had always superseded communication.

Britt’s note poked out of Robbe’s pocket as they spun into Robbe’s mess of a room. Sander backed him up onto the bed, where Robbe fell back against a pile of clothing. Layers peeled off. They only separated for harmonious milliseconds, just enough time to get a breath or whisper a sentence that meant nothing outside of their bodies pressed together. If Robbe could do wordless magic, he imagined the whole apartment might have been vaporized in one firm wave of euphoria.

He was not unaware of his mother’s presence in their living room, and thus cast the muffiliato charm while Sander’s tongue danced over his teeth. The non-magical lock should hold. Any other noise would become nothing more than static in her ears.

His mother. Whom Sander thought he hated. They needed to talk about it.

Sander slid his hand across the bare skin of Robbe’s stomach.

Maybe they didn’t need to talk about it right now.

In no time, the early-morning sun cast golden rays through the binds on Robbe’s bedroom window. He woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in the sheets, and jumped again when he saw Sander’s body wrapped up beside him. Still here. Real. The sunlight made Sander’s face resemble an oil painting, glowing cheeks and serene eyes half-closed against the world. A line of drool cut a pathway down to Robbe’s pillow. Robbe disentangled himself from the bedclothes, pulled on a sweater, and tiptoed out of the room for breakfast. He knew he had some explaining to do.

Sure enough, his mother awaited him. She propped herself up against their kitchen counter, a mug of coffee clasped in her hands.

“Morning,” she said, blasé.

“Morning,” said Robbe.

“I hope you used protection.”

Robbe blushed. “Mom.”

“Robbe,” she imitated. “You bring someone into my house, I don’t see her, and next thing I know she’s in your room. I’m not stupid.”

She. Her. Robbe swallowed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to spring him on you. He was supposed to stay on campus.” He drummed his fingers on the countertop, waited for her to notice his pronoun use. Was it a casual way to come out to someone huge? Yes. Did he want to have a larger conversation about his sexuality when he only just understood it himself? Absolutely not.

His mother’s eyes widened. “If you mean to tell me you smuggled Jens in here—oh, his parents already hate me. I’ll have to make a call—”

“It’s not Jens,” said Robbe.

“I should hope not.” Her voice softened. “From the phone last night?”

This was a moment for honesty. Robbe started the coffeemaker and placed a mug of his own under the dispenser. He tried to recall anything awful he’d said about her during his time with Sander, anything that would make Sander think that their relationship couldn’t be real beyond the arrangement. He said, “Yes. I didn’t know he was coming.”

Four weeks. Four weeks had passed since he kissed Sander for the first time in the astronomy tower. So much had happened in that time. What if the whole thing was one long manic episode? No, that was stupid. There were symptoms to mania, and it would be wrong to assume Sander wasn’t completely stable. Lots of people were.

“What’s his name?” It seemed by now his mother had caught on. “You used protection, right?”

“His name is Sander,” said Robbe, “and nothing happened. Honestly.”

His mother waggled her eyebrows at him. He stared down at his bare feet, wondering when Sander would wake up.

The conversation lulled, so Robbe pretended to take a sip of his coffee, even though it was still too hot for his tongue. He supposed he should be thankful that the coming-out experience had not been as hard or as unpleasant as it could have been, but the lack of reaction felt incomplete, far too casual for the scenario in which it was presented.

“So,” said his mother. She looked behind Robbe into the hallway from whence he came, as if scared that Sander would be out of the bedroom at any minute. “That phone call…”

“He was in crisis,” Robbe offered.

“I might have heard my title mentioned once or twice.”

“It’s—” Robbe didn’t know what to tell her it was. He didn’t quite know himself.

Something in his mother’s eyes, though, told him that she did. “Listen,” she said, leaning toward him from her place on the counter. “I feel like there are a few things you and I haven’t really addressed. It’s my fault, in a way, for keeping them unsaid.”

Robbe nodded along.

“You and I, we’re—” Her breath caught. “Lines must’ve been crossed at some point, y’know?”

“I don’t know what that means,” said Robbe.

“It means I love you so much. Even if I wasn’t there for you. I know there are moments that you can’t forgive me for, but—”

“Do we have to have this conversation now?” Robbe was still lightheaded from the previous night, and from waking up next to Sander, and from gathering the courage to casually come out only moments ago.

“Yes, now.” His mother took him by the hand, her fingertips brushing his knuckles, and for a moment, he was with her on the side of the road as a child, watching for passing cars. “I love you, and it’s okay if you hate me. If that’s what you have to do.” Before Robbe could protest once more, she cut him off. “I heard you on the phone last night, and you said you didn’t, I know. But we don’t talk much, do we?”

Robbe burned his tongue on his coffee rather than answer.

“I know that my illness isn’t easy for you to deal with. It isn’t easy for me either. And I know sometimes it feels like we’re not… I don’t know. Sometimes it might feel like I ruined everything.”

He could deny it, but she’d know he was lying.

“Your Sander… in the phone call, well, it seemed like…”

“He has it too,” said Robbe. “Bipolar.”

“Do you love him?”

Robbe dropped his head into her shoulder and inhaled. There were so many moments they missed because of her sickness. There was so much of her that he never wanted to talk about with anyone outside of his father, who knew everything anyway. In the action, though, he hoped she understood everything that he couldn’t say right now: Yes I love him, I’m trying to forgive you, I love you too. I understand you. I’m sorry for the way I talked about you, even if I’m not sure I regret it yet. Sometimes, all you need is time. He knew he’d have to wait for the betrayal to dissipate. Step one was admitting he loved her anyway.

The timer on her phone beeped for medication. She dropped his hand to go for the foyer, where her pills waited on display in the hallway.

Robbe stopped her with a whisper. “I don’t want him to go through what you did.”

“You remember that blood sausage recipe?” she asked. It seemed off-topic, enough to derail Robbe’s train of thought.

“Of course,” he said.

“You and your father had such a great time making it for Christmas every year. I thought maybe—” Robbe’s mother pulled something from her pants pocket, an index card with loopy cursive handwriting.

Robbe looked down at the card, back up at his mother, back down at the card again. He didn’t know what to say, so he said the first thing that popped into his head. “You don’t ruin things. I don’t know why I—”

“Youruin plenty,” Robbe’s mother said. “We don’t need to start coddling each other now.” She motioned him back to his bedroom with a wink. In some bizarre way, they’d reached a tentative understanding.

***

Robbe expected for Sander to be asleep when he returned to bed. In the grand scheme of things, it was still quite early. But Sander was awake, combing the room, searching for his shirt and pants among the chaos of Robbe’s floor. His hair stuck out in all different directions, and Robbe let himself wonder at the warmth it spread through his chest. He’d never felt this way about anyone before. Of course it would be Sander that did it.

“Going somewhere?” he asked, more to be conversational.

“Hogwarts,” said Sander.

Okay, not what Robbe wanted to hear. “What?”

“I’m going back to Hogwarts. Supposed to be there for the holidays.”

It hit Robbe again: the possibility that everything was as fake as their original relationship. Mania, or something. Mania didn’t normally work like that, but— “I thought we had to talk,” Robbe said.

Sander shrugged. “You made it clear you didn’t want to.”

“How?”

“Well, we didn’t.”

“You kissed me,” said Robbe.

Sander abandoned the search for his own shirt and pulled one of Robbe’s threadbare sweatshirts over his head. The bottom skimmed up at his hips, and the sleeves were a little short at the wrists. A moment later, he recovered his jeans. Robbe couldn’t stop him from getting dressed without feeling dirty, so he blocked the doorway as much as someone with his stature could.

“You talked to Jens?” he asked.

“Said you’d be here,” Sander said. “It was a stupid idea. I don’t know why I came. Nothing changed.”

Everything changed. Robbe bit his lip. He wasn’t sure how to articulate the things he was feeling anymore, not in the chaos of all this new information at once.

“I don’t want you to go.” He reached out to hold Sander’s wrist.

Sander shook his hand away. “No, I’m going to ruin everything. That’s why they want me there, that’s why you want me there.”

“I don’t want you there. I want you here.”

They stood at a faceoff, and Robbe dropped Sander’s wrist to make a barrier across the doorframe. Such a motion felt childish. If Sander pushed at his arm, Robbe decided, he’d let Sander through, because he wasn’t here to keep Sander in places Sander didn’t want to be.

No movement. Sander took a deep breath and sat back on the bed. “Even this,” he said. “I feel fine, but it was crazy to come here. Sometimes I do things and they’re crazy and I don’t realize. I don’t want you to hate me.”

Robbe thought about his own mother. She wasn’t crazy. She was sick. He couldn’t promise to feel like he loved her one hundred percent of the time, but he loved her just the same. Never had he hated her.

“I won’t,” he said. “I can’t.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Then I’ll do my very best.”

The paper that Britt gave Robbe in the astronomy tower shot up from its dejected place on the ground, its requirements fulfilled. The writing shifted from overlapping words, to cursive, to a legible, block print. Robbe would read it to completion later:

Robbe:

I’m not an expert. These are things that have worked in the past. He should tell you more than this.

1. Be there. That’s the big one. Sometimes he’ll ask you to be close to him, other times he’ll want you to leave him alone, and that’s fine. Just be there.

2. Talk to him. It’s his illness and he knows more about his experience than anyone else.

3. He’s not stupid so don’t treat him like he is. I know I do sometimes. Don’t be me for him.

4. Not everything is an episode. It’s going to feel like a lot of stuff is. I don’t know how to get around it.

5. Ask for help when you need it. It doesn’t do anyone any good if you pretend you can take care of everything by yourself.

Britt

But for now, Robbe let it flutter downward once more. He thought back across their time together thus far. Kissing Sander in the Quidditch stands, making out in the upper corner of a classroom, sharing breakfast in the Great Hall. This started as a way to keep Noor off his back, of course, but somehow, it blossomed into a long joyride of self-discovery and love. Love. The word hit him just as hard as it had on their first date by the Great Lake. Sander looked at Robbe like that, and Robbe knew he needed more than a fake relationship. Here it was. All he had to do was show Sander the same.

Robbe couldn’t go anywhere if he tried.

“It was easier when you thought we were pretending,” he said, pushing aside all doubts. No more disclaimers. No more stepping back and letting Sander walk in the other direction. He knew what he wanted. “When it was fake, you didn’t have to worry about me leaving.”

Sander shrugged. “Low stakes. Like a game.”

“Alright then, let’s play a game.” Robbe’s confidence built as he found his stride. He took a step away from the doorway and grabbed Sander’s hands in his own, the smooth skin he’d imagined against his every night this week. Sander let him. “It’s called Robbe and Sander, minute by minute. How you play it is you only worry about the next minute. You and I together. If you could pretend it was real, how is it different when it’s real?”

The gap between them closed in an aching kiss, teeth tugging on the edge of lips, fingers dancing over goosebumped shoulders. Robbe hoped Sander could taste the sincerity on his tongue. Each kiss bled into the next, peaceful, a request for more. Robbe was asking, again and again, and Sander was replying in the same vein. Yes, I want this with you. If you’ll take me, I want this with you.

“I’m going to mess up,” Sander whimpered, pulling away an inch.

“Okay,” said Robbe.

“What if you regret this in the future?”

“Okay.”

“Robbe, what if it was better off fake, what if—” He cut off as Robbe leaned in for yet another kiss. Melted into the sensation. The muffliato charm might be a nice investment.

“What you and I have,” Robbe whispered into Sander’s lips, “has always been real.”

Tomorrow, Jens and Moyo would call to see how the night went. They gave Sander directions to the house in accordance with article XII, section VIII of Operation Sobbe. Robbe, Sander, and his mother would make blood sausage and cry laughing when Sander took the first bite. Robbe would return to Hogwarts after break with Sander’s hand clasped in his own. But tonight, if Robbe could do wordless magic, the world would freeze in this moment forever.

And afterward, the view from his bedroom window beat that of the astronomy tower, because it reflected their faces back.

[vodkaxtonic]

Forgiveness •Zuko x Reader•

Summary: Toph is coming back to you, her best friend, to crash at your place with the Gaang, who weren't strangers. Except now there was a new face, a way too familiar one.

Wordcount: 2.5K

You were standing in your kitchen, the warmth of the sun kissing your skin as you prepared dinner. The house was quiet. Sometimes too still for your liking, the eerie quietness eating you up as you tried everything to distract your mind, which worked most of the time. However, not always. You couldn't help but miss the bickering of your parents, the waves of laughter filling up the kitchen afterward. Now it has been quiet, too quiet for ages. You weren't ready to let go of your home, not yet. Even though two years had passed, it still felt like it was yesterday when you lost them. 

Your ears perked up at the sound of something roaring as you dropped the wooden spoon in the boiling sauce, whipping around towards your door. Immediately you raised your hands, ready to defend yourself as you walked towards the door, making sure to avoid any creaking wood. "Are you sure she's still here, it looks empty." You heard a voice you couldn't quite recognize in the distance as you tip-toed towards the door, pressing your back against the wall. 

You flinched as someone knocked against the door, shallowing your breathing as you closed your eyes, adrenaline pumping through your body as your hands started to shake lightly. You thought this was over, this hunt. You had hoped and prayed that it was over. 

"Y/N?" You sucked in your breath as you heard a familiar voice, releasing the breath with a chuckle. "Toph!" You laughed as you opened the door, embracing the younger girl as she tensed up in your arms, before loosing up and wrapping her arms around you. "Don't scare me like that!" You let go of your best friend, your hands still on top of her shoulders as you looked at Aang, Sokka, and Katara with a smile, finally letting go of Toph and greeting the others. Of course, you knew them. Toph talked a lot about them when she had the time to come by, even bringing them over. However, when they stepped out of the way and revealed a surprise guest, your body tensed. Your eyes found their way to his, and as soon as your eyes met his, his breath hitched, and he wavered back, making the others look at him in confusion. However, you and he knew why he behaved like that. "Why don't you guys come inside, you look like you could use a meal." You put on a fake smile as you balled your shaking hands into fists, ignoring the anxiety that ran through your veins and blinking away the tears that were starting to blurry and disorient your vision. 

You knew Zuko recognized you the second he saw your eyes. A light gold eye and a light green one, not something you saw a lot. When you saw them, those people were outcasts, most of the time they were executed. An abomination. Nothing more. 

You sprinted into your kitchen as the others were on your heels, walking over to the boiling food on the stove, your shaking hand gripping the counter painfully until your knuckles turned white. With an exhalation, you started fishing out the wooden spoon, ignoring your friends that got seated at the table a room over. 

You didn't hate Zuko. Not in the slightest bit. Seeing his face was painful. It reminded you of times you wish you could erase from your mind. Things that scarred you for life and left you on your own. 

"You're just too nice, Y/N." Sokka smiled up to you as you placed the bowl of sauce on the table, beside it a big bowl filled with rice as you took a seat on the ground, beside you Zuko, and you felt like running. The uncomfortable silence settling over the group didn't help with that. "So..." Toph started as she looked in your direction, and for a second, you wondered how she knew you were sitting there, and then you remembered that you were the last one to sit down, which she probably noticed. "How do you and Zuko know each other?" She raised her eyebrow as she looked at you, making you gulp as your eyes found their way to your hands. "Why do you think we know each other?" Zuko asked as he started eating, his voice cold and a lot deeper, a lot more different than you remembered. "I heard you gasp and stumble. Either you were shocked by how pretty she is, or you recognized her." Toph shrugged as she started eating her food, once again, silence falls over the group as the others eyed the both of you curiously, and you wanted to disappear right now.

"We knew each other since we were children." You finally answered, and your throat felt like it was closing up as Aang dropped his chopsticks, and Sokka stopped chewing, eyes wide in shock as he eyed you both. "You never told me that you knew the Prince of the Fire nation." Toph's voice was cold as she picked at her food, betrayal layered deep within her words. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Toph." You answered, your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest any second. "I thought we were best friends." Now you bit your bottom lip as Toph's words hit you like a spear right through your heart. "We are Toph...You were the only person to treat me humane, and I didn't want that to change if I told you about me." Your voice was quiet as you eyed your best friend, your appetite long gone as you hoped this wouldn't escalate. "Can you explain this more? I am more than confused right now." Katara asked, her voice calm as she watched you, making you squirm in your seat.

"The love between my parents was forbidden, they both knew it. My father was from the Fire Nation, a pretty well-known firebender. My mother was from the Earth kingdom, an earthbender. My father managed to smuggle her into the Fire Nation, and they lived there, they wanted to have a family. Having a child as a firebender and an earthbender is dangerous. It is risky and frowned upon. They knew their child could be born with a disability, could be born dead, could be killed by the opposing forces of Earth and Fire within the child's body, and many more dangers." You took a deep breath as you watched the faces of the others who didn't say a word, just watching you with curiosity and interest. You didn't want to lie anymore, you'd tell them the whole truth about you and your past. "A few months later, I was born. When I was born, the left side of my body was burned from my torso down to my ankle. My eyes had different colorations, my left one a bright gold, and my right one bright green. They were glad that I was healthy, but they still hid me most of my childhood. My discolorated eyes were a clear sign for a bi-bender. An abomination. A monster." Your voice was shaky as you fiddled with your fingers, taking a deep breath. "My parents hid me to protect me. If anyone would've found out that I was a bi-bender, I would've been executed on the spot. As I got older, I got more rebellious, mistaking my parents' protection for strictness. I sneaked out at night, roaming the empty streets of the Fire Nation Captial. One night I ran into Zuko." Your eyes quickly glanced at the firebender that was boring holes into your body as you talked before you turned your attention back to the others. "I didn't recognize him. I never saw the Firelord or his family for that matter. I wasn't allowed to leave my home, so that makes sense. Zuko never told me who he was. Never told me he was of royal blood. We started becoming friends, meeting more often, and spent the nights roaming through the city and playing pranks on the people that were closing their shops." You couldn't help but smile at the memory. Before everything went downhill. "One night I came home and got caught by my parents, they were scared, and only after I realized not only for me but for themselves too. I told them that I had a friend and that his name was Zuko. I have never seen so much fear in someone's eyes. It was too late. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that got caught that night. Not even a minute later, the guard of the Firenation broke down our doors, and my father hurried us out the backdoor and told us to run, he'd meet us in the forest over the hills. He'd take care of it." Tears started spilling out of your eyes, but you didn't care to hold them back. "He never made it." It was quiet as you wiped your tears, a faint smile on your face. You didn't want to remember your father with tears. He was one of the strongest and kindest men you have ever met, he wouldn't want you to cry, and you knew it. "They hunted us for weeks, every day. They made sure we knew they were out there for us. After weeks we finally made it to the Earth Kingdom, to Gaoling. Where my mother was born, and we were absolutely despised by everyone. Not only because I was able to control fire and earth, making the people believe I had some kind of devil within me, but also because my mother left the Kingdom for a Firebender. I'm pretty sure the day I lost my father, I also lost my mother. She never recovered, she was never the same."

Once again, silence filled the room, the tension thick as your gaze was on the ground. Toph would hate you, the others would hate you too. You were abnormal. You were destined to be dead, but you still made it. "Where is your mother now?" Katara asked, the question coming out hesitantly. But the question also burned on Zuko's tongue, he had seen her flee with her mother. He was glad that Katara asked. "I have no idea." You shrugged as you looked at the group. "One day, she left and never came back." You answered, suppressing the frown that was about to cover your face. It still stung. Knowing that your mother left because you destroyed her life. You were the reason why your father died. "If you excuse me." You said as you shot up, ignoring the lingering eyes that bored holes into your frame as you walked outside, now breathing in the icy air of the night as you sat down on the patio. 

"You could've told me, you know that, right?" Toph's voice startled you. It wasn't as confident as usual, it was soft, showing her real emotions. "I was scared." You muttered, letting your tears run down your face onto the cold ground as she stood behind you. "I would've understood. My parents weren't better. They hid me because I was blind. The only difference is that mine did it because they were embarrassed by me, yours did it to protect you." You could basically hear the sad smile on her face as she talked. "We'll talk more tomorrow, I'll head back inside. There's someone else who wants to talk to you." 

You didn't even have to turn to know it was Zuko. He sat down beside you, quiet as he looked up to the sky, his eyes roaming over the countless stars. "I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what happened. I shouldn't have told them and just should've kept my mouth shut. Should've told them a silly lie, my mom would've probably let me off the hook... I get it if you hate me, y/n. I never meant harm upon you or your family." His voice was calm and collected as if he had recited those words for years in his head, hoping to see you again and tell you those words. "I don't hate you, Zuko. This was never your fault. You were just a child, you didn't know better." You said, your voice quivering. Of course, it hurt, but you were way past the stage of anger. Slowly but surely, you've made your way to acceptance. You knew if you let the anger consume you and let it rip you apart, set every atom within your body ablaze, you wouldn't be better than the people that hunted you. You'd give them a reason to actually fear you. This was not your solution, not fear. You merely wanted to be recognized, simply wanted to be accepted, be equal to your brothers and sisters of the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation. But apparently, that was too much to ask for. "Don't do that, y/n." Zuko's voice was not as calm anymore, anger and frustration lacing his words as he talked. Not against you, but himself. He didn't deserve redemption. He ruined your life, ripped apart your family. "What do you want me to do, Zuko? Do you want me to scream, to punch you, curse you out, fight you? Is that what you want? To hate you?" Your eyes were filled with thick tears as you turned to Zuko, his golden eyes barely illuminated by the light from inside, staring at you. "Anything but forgiveness." His words stung you. "You are not the bearer of your father's mistakes, Zuko. You deserve forgiveness, you deserve to let go of the burden you carry upon yourself for the things your father did to you and the people you love. You are not the villain in this story." Your voice was collected, despite the tears that rolled down your face. Only now you noticed how mature he looked, much different from the 12-year-old him you grew to know, befriend and love. "I destroyed your life, your family, y/n. You had to flee the land because of me." "I don't think you understand, Zuko. It was never you. You didn't send the guard out to hunt us down, and you didn't kill my father. It wasn't you." Zuko kept quiet as he let the words sink in. 

You sighed, for once enjoying the silence as you wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling yourself closer to him as you placed your head on his chest, eyes focusing on the dark forest in front of you. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you closer, the warmth of his body heat comforting you, making you sigh. "I missed you, Zuzu." Zuko's body tensed at the old nickname, thanking the spirits that you weren't able to see the blush creeping up your face. "I missed you too, y/n/n."