#either that or what. is my blog that detestable? I suppose so

[un-local]

very interesting how all the lonesome aesthetic yearning girlbloggers are like. the most allergic to any kind of interaction…

[gralunaisland]

The jealous j*v*a gag was never funny but girl really got jealous over a CAT and Gray dancing for fun with his child teammate. Do people really find this endearing? funny? She makes every interaction Gray has into something gross. Don't get me wrong it isn't funny when she does it with Lucy either (this is an extremely toxic relationship and I don't like to see it portrayed as cute or funny), but her acting like he's into Frosch or Wendy disgusts me (idk if it makes sense haha)

juvia Believes in the Worst of Gray, and she Couldn't Care Less

Oh, you make perfect sense to me, Anon, and you make such a good, damning point against juvia.

I love how you phrase it because it's just so accurate:

"she makes every interaction Gray has into something gross".

The fact that in juvia's mind, Gray could be a p*dophile or someone who practices b*stiality, is just beyond disturbing, for multiple reasons.

A, if she really thinks Gray is capable of those things, and still "loves" him, then what does that make her? Someone who supports those things too. Jail. Jail right now.

B, despite thinking those things about Gray, there's no acknowledgement from juvia that that's so very wrong, there's just, as you say, jealousy. Instead of putrid disgust, juvia feels jealous over a child and a cat. That's revolting, immoral, and just downright pathetic.

C, it just shows how juvia does not know Gray at all, what his values are, whom he loves, what kind of a person he is. And nor does she care. And yet this is the woman we're supposed to want to be with him. Right. That checks out.

D, what's more, Gray can do no wrong in her eyes (clearly), so if Gray likes Wendy or Frosch, guess what, it's not Gray who's the problem here- it's the child and the animal. They're her love rivals, they're whom she must conquer in a battle of love. The two who would be victims to Gray if this deluded insanity juvia believed about him was true are the very ones juvia points her gnarled finger at and declares war on. (Hypothetical) Victim-blaming/abuse at its finest.

You're right, Anon, that this jealous gag isn't funny even when inflicted on women of Gray's age and species. It's just uncomfortable, cringe, toxic, malicious, and sad. But it's infinitely more despicable when juvia's delusions and fantasies paint such a horrid picture of Gray and those around him, where his morals are misrepresented, his reputation tarnished, where such evil, perverse things are presented as if we're supposed to laugh at it.

This point doesn't get talked about enough (by myself included), but it truly is one of the most damning pieces of evidence of why juvia is a loathsome, detestable human being, and why she should never be with Gray.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, Anon! This is truly a very important point to be made, and I am very grateful to you that this could be addressed very carefully on my blog.

[13eyond13]

Hello, love your blog! Ty for sharing your thoughts with the world ☺️ I was wondering what your thoughts were on L being romantically interested in someone. What would draw him in? I think it would be a kind person who makes him feel safe and relaxed. I wonder about the build-up. I think he would fall first and, once he figured his feelings out, he'd experiment to make sure it wasn't just one sided. Though I suppose I see L as having a softer core than one expect, given his manipulative and cynical ways.

Hi there! Thanks so much, that's sweet of you! I took a little while to answer this because I feel like we likely have fairly different takes on L's preferences, or on how we most enjoy seeing him characterized in shippy stuff. And I don't mean my personal take to be invalidating of yours in any way, because I think he's a character that can very easily be interpreted in many different ways that are all plausible based on what we really know about him for sure in the canon storyline! He's pretty ambiguous and mysterious, and much of what he says and does is intentionally left a question mark. I could definitely see him admiring and appreciating a kind and soothing person and wanting to keep them in his orbit because of that, and doing and saying slightly roundabout things to either test out their interest in him in return or let them know what he was feeling about them.

HOWEVER I also personally see L as somebody who, above all else, detests being bored and tied down to something he isn't interested in anymore. I think his restless intellectual curiosity is his most prominent characteristic and his driving force in life... that in combination with his ego and desire to prove himself right and to win at things he finds challenging. As a detective he goes hard and then goes home, moving onto the next thing that catches his eye. So in my imagination if he ever felt like he could answer everything about another person without a shadow of a doubt then he would probably get restless and bored again and feel like it's now time to move on. A person who thinks similarly to him in some way, continuously surprises and entertains him, indulges him and denies him what he wants in basically equal measures, and keep him guessing and chasing them just a little bit somehow even in a committed relationship is somebody that he'd be most attracted to, in my mind.

I tend to like him best shipped with Light, and then after that my next favourite thing is shipping him with the other criminals he chases. Putting him into a softer wholesome and mature relationship with somebody he doesn't have any antagonistic energy with just has never really done much personally for me!

[wordsandrobots]

AO3 First Lines Tag Game

Tagged by @caparrucia​ and @thedancingwalrus-blog​.

Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

And I’m going to have to apologise in advance because the only other person I can think of tagging in this is @phynali​, who @thedancingwalrus-blog​ also already tagged so . . . yeah. Anyone who sees this and is a writer -- consider this a free tag and go for it!

1. Strategy (My Next Life as a Villainess)

Prince Geordo is, on paper, a master strategist, an expert planner and meticulous in the way only someone who has dedicated their life to statecraft can be.

These are the qualities he brings to bear on proving the depths of his desire for his intended. He takes care to learn her routine and contrive reasons to align it with his own. He engineers romantic occasions where the two of them may be alone together. And, when that is not enough, he is unflinching in steamrollering the opposition with the full majesty of his status.

2. Sufficiently Advanced Magic (Doctor Who)

The minute Gissel laid eyes on the Dark Tower, she almost turned back, and to hell with three days of hard trek through the forest.

When people talked of the house of the great magician, they always used words like dreaded, forbidding, intimidating. She had imagined a wicked titan of a building, lording over the landscape and making all who entered its shadow tremble. She had thought she would feel a bolt of fear run up her spine at the very sight of its terrible spires. She had, at the very least, expected the place to be in decent repair.

3. And we shall sow a garden upon the graves (Captain Harlock [CGI movie version])

“So let me get this straight,” said Júlio, in the tone of someone about to attempt a herculean task for which ey anticipated minimal praise.

The others around the table lowered their tankards and looked at em expectantly. Franz bit through the peanut he'd just flipped into his mouth and swallowed. “Yeah?”

“The captain spent a hundred years planting giant bombs across the universe because he said they'd make the Genesis Clock thingumy turn time back to before Earth was completely wasted. Only what they'd really have done is blow everything up and maybe even start it over again.”

“What's even the difference?” Owls wondered, staring into his drink, “Either way, we'd not be here to see what happened next.”

4. Untitled Alternative Episode Nine (Star Wars Sequel Trilogy)

The bowl of rock hangs in light-specked darkness, twisting slowly amid a cloud of rolling stones. Once upon a time, it was one miniature planet among hundreds. Now it is a husk, surrounded by what pebbles remain of its brothers and sisters, waiting in silence for the day when it too will be broken into rubble.

That day dawns in a rain of green fire pouring out of the black sky. From afar, it is beautiful. Up close, it is the end of the world. The ground cracks and cascades into the air. Vaporised permacrete balloons from craters that used to be buildings, roadways, people. Gantries scream like wounded animals as storage tanks shed choking blue smoke. Everything burns.

And through it all, the stormtroopers run.

5. A Handful of Rusted Petals (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

Everyone who made it out of Tekkadan alive kept something, though they all knew they shouldn't. This was supposed to be a clean break, their old lives discarded for the new. Taking things with them would only invite discovery and make the change harder.

Yet they each did anyway.

6. The Grandmaster (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

Rustal Elion detests chess. Always has. As a game it is tedious and as a metaphor? Useless. The world is not a board. People do not move in absolute, predictable patterns. And the starting conditions are never, ever equal.

One may dream of changing this. One may fervently wish to impose artificial order upon a cosmos that teems with chaotic interactions. But in the end, only material power matters. Not rules. Not cleverness. Not fanciful schemes resting upon the puppeteering of a legion of disparate individuals. Simply the ability to decide what one wants and to impose it with all the means at one's disposal.

7. Between Family (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

“I still can't believe we're doing this,” Shino blurts as they turn on to the street leading to Eugene's apartment building.

He's been alternating between nervous excitement and heated anticipation all day. Not just thanks to imagining what they're about to do, though that is a pretty huge part of it. It's also because Yamagi has been doing all these preparations: taking the afternoon off work, picking out clothes, making Shino shower – generally planning in a way that's weirdly arousing.

“Why not?” Yamagi asks. He's carrying a satchel, the battered old thing he normally uses for grocery shopping. “We're all getting something out of it.”

8. Of Obsessions and Erotemes (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

“What the heck is a 'Gundam'?”

Briar's habit of reading over other people's shoulders never fails to get on Almandi's nerves. He is obnoxious about using his height to this end and constantly assumes being in someone's presence entitles him to a conversation.

Unfortunately, humouring him is usually the quickest way to get rid of him.

They look down at the text on their pad. “No one's sure where the name came from. There are theories it's an acronym or a portmanteau, or even mythological in origin. It seems to be older than the modern usage, though records are contradictory.”

Briar kicks out the next chair over and sits down. “None of which is actually an answer to my question.”

9. Hope Against Hope (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

Kudelia's life has become a parade of voices without faces, the bland promise of a secure connection offering no clue as to whether she is judging each speaker's disposition correctly.

For Rachida Phiri, of the African Union's ruling council, she pictures disappointment, softened but not hidden by the rules of social etiquette. “It pains me to say this but Mars' actions raise serious questions about future cooperation between our two Unions. We must consider the cost of doing business with a state that would take such a reckless decision.”

Good luck, Kudelia thinks, given the price of Martian half-metal compared to the alternatives.

10. Fata Morgana (Mobile Suit Gundum: Iron-Blooded Orphans)

Argi Mirage is a simple man.

Some people will tell you that means he's dumb as a rock and, true, he's never going to be the sharpest knife in the drawer. But he's smart enough to have made it this far through his life. He settled his past, paid off his debts to the dead, and now he's free to live as uncomplicatedly as he likes. These days, with Argi, what you see is what you get.

He's beginning to suspect the same can't be said for Norba Shino and Yamagi Bright.

[harrison-abbott]

In high school I did a subject called Religious Studies in my fifth year. Religion interested me from a literary perspective, and a general knowledge perspective too.

It – Religion – did not interest many people. And only about eight students signed up for the class. And, all of them were girls. I was the only boy in the room. The class was headed by a teacher called Mrs Carrie. So, yeah, it was about a 9:1 ratio of females and me the only male.

I just found this a bit intimidating. Because I was very quiet back then. And, as you may or may not know, girls in their teens are very chatty.

The teacher would often be bemused at why I was shy and didn’t speak much. She would suddenly stop and point at me and say, “Harry, are you all right?” Or, she would alert me if I was tired and go, “Harry, why are you sitting like that? What’s up with you?”

I didn’t really know how to respond to that.

And the girls in the class would say things like, “Harry – why don’t you like anybody in this class?” And when I responded they would go and tell Mrs Carrie what I said. Even though I only said that I found it a bit tricky to communicate because I was the only boy.

Bearing in mind, too, that I was only 15 at the time.

Ironically, I was, really intrigued by religion. I do not consider myself religious, but I simply find the topic an intriguing one. We studied the arguments behind God, whether a God could or did exist. We studied how the universe came into existence and the various interpretations of that. And the different major religions across the planet.

As I’ve mentioned many times on this blog – I detested high school with a fervent passion. But Religious Studies, that class, was the only one I actually enjoyed.

Did you have ‘Prelims’ in your school? The preliminary exams that were supposed to gear you up, or, give you a dress rehearsal of the exam at the end of the year? I had a prelim in Religious Studies. And, umm, I failed it. By about two digits. It remains the only exam I’ve ever failed throughout my entire academic experiences. I suppose, to put it bluntly, I had a shit day on that particular afternoon when I sat the test, and I gassed it.

Mrs Carrie came up to me next lesson and she said to me, vis a vis the prelim, “What happened, Harry?” And I said that I must’ve just been on poor form on that particular day. She didn’t really say anything else.

Until the next lesson, when, as she was walking out the class to get something from her office, she paused and turned to me and said, in front of the whole class, “Harry. I’ve passed you on to the Guidance Teacher. She’ll get in touch with you about a meeting with her, to go and see her.” And then she walked out of the room. All the girls in the class took this news with silence. And I had no clue how to respond either.

Why was I being sent to the Guidance Teacher? I didn’t get it. But, I was still a teen and didn’t quite know how to stand up for myself. So I thought it was obliged for me to go and see the Guidance Teacher.

She (the Guidance Teacher) was assigned to the pupils who were considered problematic. Mrs Wright was her name. She also had no degree in child psychology, or therapy, or counselling of any kind. And I did not understand what it was I had done to be sent to her office. Was it because I had failed the prelim?

Apparently, yes. That was the jist of it. I figured that I should probably just study a wee bit harder and perform a bit better on the day of the real exam in the summer.

This is what I did. I got a B on the actual exam.

A jumble of years later I went to university and I chose to do a module in religion as well. The module was a study of the Old Testament. I picked it because I was a budding writer at that point and wanted to know more about the famous text. So, that course consisted of two big essays and a final exam at the end. And, I got Bs on all of them.

It still perplexes me why I got such an acidic reaction from the teachers in high school. The whole irony was that I was not a ‘misbehaving’ pupil. I just wasn’t. Rather, I was incredibly withdrawn and struggled with depression.

Even with this example with the Religious Studies teacher – she wasn’t able to suss that I liked the subject. And instead of trying to engage with me she passed me on to this other woman because she didn’t know how else to deal with what she deemed as a problem … a problem which wasn’t even there.

[titoist]

what the fuck is wrong with you

mmm, that is a remarkably broad question in and of itself. to properly, succinctly answer, i would first need a proper context as to what initiated this line of thinking, as to be able to place it into perspective - but, seeing as how that piece of information is impossible to obtain within the circumstances of this scenario, my reply will have to make due without it. though, really, this ask could mean any number of things when atomized to oblivion, i will carry onwards with 2 - barebones but nonetheless understandable - *central* presumptions, to be kept in mind when formulating a response; 1. that this sentiment is meant in a derisive - perhaps not shocked, but relatively appalled and/or revolted - tone 2. that you - or, 'the sender of this ask', if one desires to speak in a detached, clinical tone - submitted this as not an *actual* question, not one that was meant to be taken seriously, as more of a way to vent your frustrations about what you deemed to be a profoundly detestable part of my character. now that those presumptions are out in the open, detailed, i suppose i can continue. still, i find myself squaring back to the central issue that i am unable of locating precisely what is the object of scorn here. i can take a few educated guesses - perhaps you deemed the post about Rhodesia distasteful, or the one about Manchuria(which, i admit, was objectionable on some level, but i justify as having been treated through the lens of deleuzian schizoanalysis) as deeply concerning, or, perhaps, you just thought the ataturk post was weird? i do not struggle to imagine why one would think so about any of those, aside from the obvious stipulation that they are meant to be *performance*, more often than not. the truth is that i treat this blog as a private diary, journal, in which i do not really expect anyone to read my writings, and all posts thereof are either an acknowledgement or fulfillment of that fact - or both. i used to resign myself to just impotently reflecting my own misery, when i would see this ask and earnestly connect with it as something relevant to my being, but i’m doing...relatively okay now. i’m capable of believing that i can make my soul a kind enough thing that this the attitude of believing there is something 'wrong' with me is simply incapable of having anything to do with it, & thus i do not really feel any need to 'retaliate' at you, not even suppressedly. i doubt there even exists a sort of value in this type of communication, no real happiness - except, perhaps, substitutes for happiness, or a kind of sisyphean pursuit of relief that never comes, at best. i imagine you might read that sentiment & just categorize it in with a distinct shallow & cloying sense of “wholesomeness” which tends to permeate the public internet - since you lack any *real* reason to distinguish me as an interlocutor from the general mass of internet users. still, i urge you to perceive it with serious thought. i sincerely, truly, doubt that you will be here, reading this answer an odd hour or so after the act of sending it had been done and completed. but.. it’s still important to me that i attempt to make an example of this by trying in earnest to take it somewhere more substantive than you wanted and tried to. i say all of this, though it might be long winded and dry, in the interest of trying to perform & communicate alternatives to both what you’re doing as well as the type of performatively embittered “comebacks” that plenty of other people might send. it is very, deeply possible that this whole exercise is just notably histrionic, & indicates an unsubstantiated belief i have of how much i can actually do in this specific, unremarkable communicative scenario, like i'm gonna "open your eyes" with the snap of a finger or somesuch. if not that, maybe i can just crush the seeming negativity of your message through this exercise of trying to visibly humanize myself. sniffs nose and rubs back of hand. so i guess i don't know.

[bailey-reaper]

Hello, I actually have a request this time~ Could we get something with Barok's s/o just being so absolutely fed up with everyone hating/fearing Barok? Like either they confront someone they overhear talking badly about him or just complain to him that they hate how everyone treats him? (This totally isn't inspired by me having been buried in edits of the new official Cafe Art that replace Barok with other characters and fawn over how much /better/ the edit is etc.) ...I'm just so tired all I want is to love him in peace 😞

EXCUSE You??

Notes: Hello there, friend, you can indeed! I'm all for people having their own opinions and I'm totally fine with people not being fond of Barok, but let those of us that like him as a character have our safe spaces to enjoy the leggiest of leggy boys!

S/O is gender neutral (they/them pronouns). Barok refers to them using petnames.

Content Warnings: anti-anti-Barok sentiment; if you don't like Barok this isn't the blog for you tbh; this blog stans a leggy boi; while also accepting that parts of his character are unacceptable by today's standards; but that doesn't invalidate his entire existence; people are complex creatures; Barok is a fascinating character; I won't apologise for that.

Another day, another tedious event hosted by some aristocrat keen to cement their position in London's socialite scene. Of course, Barok had been strong-armed into going by the Lord Chief Justice. To make it somewhat easier, he'd brought his beloved along so that he would have at least one good thing in his midst.

"I'll get us some more wine," they said as he finished his drink.

"Thank you..." he handed over the glass and watched them go in the direction of the bar. Out of the corner of his eye he noted two of the most vacuous and opinionated among the London's social scene. Lady Asquith and Lord Shelby –– they were the sort of people who took opposing opinions as a declaration of war, seemed to think themselves experts on whatever social matters took their fancy and had the most curious ability to ignore any and all evidence that contradicted their worldview.

A most vexatious pair.

He hoped they wouldn't say anything to his love or within their earshot; just the other day they'd been frustrated about the way people spoke of him and had said, "The next person who dares to say a single bad thing about you within my earshot is going to get a big piece of my mind!"

"Oh look, My Lord," Lady Asquith said with a smirk as she hid her mouth behind her fan, "That ghastly cadaver, Lord van Zieks, yet lives!"

"So he does, my dear," Lord Shelby chuckled, "What a disgrace of a man... he is an embarrassment to the nobility, carrying on in court like some sort of flapper girl. It's truly outrageous!"

"Quite so! Quite so!" the lady agreed, "I just cannot abide him! He's so thoroughly dislikable, such a dour and churlish man! It's a wonder he was invited, this is supposed to be a party not a funeral reception."

Lord Shelby laughed.

"ENOUGH!" roared a voice beside them, causing Lady Asquith to shriek and Lord Shelby to drop his glass of whiskey. The whole room fell silent.

Barok frowned; he knew that voice.

"You two are some of the most poisonous, ill-mannered, detestable people I think I've ever had the displeasure of seeing or hearing! How dare you speak so venomously about a man you don't know! You make baseless assumptions and snide remarks about a man who possesses more integrity in his little toe than your entire beings! He is not perfect, but then none of us are! You two are certainly ill-suited to being judges of characters when yours are both so contemptuous!"

"Dearest," Barok came to a stop behind them and took their hand, "That's enough, I care not what such second-rate nobles think of me."

"I care, Barok!" they said, furiously, "People are so derisive about you, yet they know nothing of you or your struggles or your life! They assume and they cast stones because they're too cowardly to look inward. They'd rather point and sneer than do anything worthwhile! Well I'm fed up of it! You deserve better than their poison!"

"Come now," he smiled at them fondly, "You've made your point in a most passionate and elegant manner, I think it's high time we left this place and found a nicer setting to spend time together, hm?"

"...." they nodded, and allowed him to lead them out while the aristocracy looked on in muted shock.

"... Thank you," he said, once they were out in the cool evening air, "Your strength of feeling means the world to me, even if you are quite the firebrand. I shall have to bear that in mind and try to avoid being in your bad graces."

They huffed and kissed his chin, "... I love you, Barok."

"And I love you, my dearest one."

[antiloreolympus]

So I just discovered LO and enjoyed it a lot, and I found this blog and could to some degree understand the criticism, but a lot of you seem to be crossing a line. Claiming that this blog is only normal critique that a creator should handle, when I’ve seen several asks now implying that Rachel Smythe is secretely a pedo or creep in real life for depicting an age-gap relationship? Like you can dislike it all you like, but trying to relate it back to making cruel assumptions about the creator really isn’t okay. Like I don’t believe her work is above critique, but you can’t blame her for not wanting to engage with it when so much is just crazy conspiracy theories of her real life personality. The older rich gentleman who swoops younger wide-eyed lady of her feet trope isn’t new nor uncommon, and you can dislike it all you like, but women aren’t unfeminist/creeps/pedos for finding it entertaining. It’s clear that that’s the story Smythe is interested in telling, and that a lot of you find that to be a missed opportunity and want something more nuanced than just a horny retelling of hades/persephone but Smythe really isn’t obligated to be telling the story you want her to tell. Female writers shouldn’t be demonized for writing horny stories, and they definitely shouldn’t have to endure being called creeps/pedos/unfeminist for doing so.

I've never claimed this blog to be only normal critique nor do I except RS to take every single critique against her comic. I ask for normal critique but I don't expect it all of the time. She already has stated she doesn't take it well so her seeing this blog isn't what I care about.

That being said, people say that her Hades gives off pedo vibes not RS. (Even then, creep/predator would've been better word choices but I don't change other people's asks)

However, the word creep means:

1. a detestable person

Which could fit RS depending on the person

"Age-gap relationship" Typically, the relationship isn't between a 19/20 yr old college student/intern and her late 30s-early 40s boss who was described as a fully developed grown man by RS herself. I feel like saying it's just an age gap relationship is down playing the power and developmental imbalance between the two. So many people I've seen have said to at least get out of your teenhood (13-19) before dating older men and at the start of the story, she was only 19. She barely just turned 20 when they kissed.

No one really talks about her personal life here and when I catch it, I shut it down.

That troupe is typically with people already in their 20s. Again, 19 at the start of the story (in one part she was most likely 18, making out with Ares who's also way older 😬). This barely legal troupe is still very creepy, I thought people already established that when it came to the p*rn industry.

Also, most assumptions are based off of screenshots from RS herself I've shown throughout my entire blog. I wouldn't say most of the assumptions you've seen aren't in relation to those and other available information on her.

LO itself is what people claim to be unfeminist. RS has stated it's supposed to be a feminist retelling but most of us don't see what's so feminist about teen who gets sexualized by the story and other characters in it, including the 'creepy old man' she ends up with.

I'm aware RS isn't obligated to give anyone anything but that doesn't mean we still can't be negative about/towards her work. Her being a female writer doesn't give her any sort of pass for LO. I'd probably give her a pass if LO wasn't on an 'all ages' platform. LO may be marketed as Adult in other places but on webtoon, it isn't. I haven't seen LO with the mature pop up function either so we can't say that it's 100% for adults if one of it's main audiences is the '10s' on webtoon.

[blueaura]

Lost and Found Ch. 4

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has liked or re-blogged this story so far. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the delay. This chapter is all Sam and Y/N. Dean will be back in the next one. As always, any tips or suggestions are welcome. Feedback would be amazing. Thank you and happy reading!

Summary: Sam and Dean meet a young hunter who is a little rough around the edges and they reluctantly take her under their wing. But she might be a little more connected to them that any of them realise.

Word Count: 1.7k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4

The door slammed behind Dean, leaving Sam and Y/N in silence in the motel room. She refused to look at him. She didn’t know what to do, how to act. Things had been going well. For the first time in years, her life was somewhat okay. She had even been having a great time hanging out with the Winchesters. Just her luck that it was all screwed to hell now.

The awkward silence continued as Sam finished patching himself up. She went back to looking at the floor, feeling guilty that Dean hadn’t even been able to patch Sam up properly.

This is why you can’t go with them. You will just end up hurting them. That’s what you do.

She forced herself to ignore her thoughts and looked for a distraction. Moving towards Sam, she slapped his hand away from where he was trying to wrap his ribs and took over. Just act normal, she decided. Nothing’s changed yet. Dean isn’t your fa- your anything. These guys are just reaching for something that isn’t there.

Sam observed Y/N as she continued her task, lost in her thoughts. He felt bad about just blurting his suspicions out loud instead of confronting Dean in private. Clearly, he had hit a nerve, and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said softly. Y/N’s grip faltered for a second. She sharply exhaled but gave no response, almost done with the bandages. Sam tried again.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you –”

“You didn’t,” Y/N said sharply, “you didn’t spring anything because there is nothing to be sprung – or whatever. You’re wrong. So, Dean slept with my mom, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the only one! I don’t know why you have this idea in your head but it’s –”

She stopped and took a shuttered breath.

“It can’t be true. She told me he died. She told me he abandoned us. If this is true, that means she lied. She lied to me my whole life! When I was little, I dreamed about having a family. A family that loved me, that cared for me. Then I grew up, and I don’t want that anymore. So, I don’t want it to be true. It’s better that way, for everyone.”

She moved away from Sam as she finished patching him up. She could feel his eyes following her, the pity in them making her blood boil. She wasn’t broken. She was a survivor, dammit! And she didn’t need anyone’s pity.

“Stop,” she snapped at him, “Stop looking at me like you want to fix me!”

“I’m not!” Sam defended, “I just… I can’t imagine going through that. I mean, we didn’t have the best childhood but I always had Dean. He pretty much raised me. I don’t know where I’d be without him. I don’t pity you Y/N, I admire you. You’re stronger than I was – than I still am.”

She was speechless. Strong? He thought she was strong? The guy who fought the devil and won, who saved the world a hundred times over, thought she was strong? That was hilarious.

“I’m not strong, Sam. I can barely keep it together on a good day. If you knew some of the things that I’ve done…” she trailed off, averting her eyes.

“You think Dean doesn’t struggle? I don’t? Y/N, just the fact that you’re still going is enough to tell me what kind of person you are. You’re a fighter, and everything you’ve done, you’ve done to survive. You think I’m going to judge you? I’m not the most moral person around, in case you haven’t noticed,” Sam smiled wryly at her, urging her to look at him.

“Whatever you choose, or whatever happens, we won’t just abandon you. You know that, right?”

She saw the sincerity in his eyes and it tugged at her gut. She couldn’t figure out why they cared so much. They barely knew her. They certainly didn’t owe her anything, hell – Sam was hurt because of her. Even after she had tried to make Dean angry, they just wouldn’t let her be, and she couldn’t, for the life of her, understand why. So, she asked him.

“Why?” It was barely a whisper but Sam heard her anyways.

“Is it because you think I’m family somehow? And what happens when you find out that I’m not? I know you’re confident about your assumption. Is that why you both are so dead set on helping me? I don’t get it. I mean, I’m nobody.”

Sam sighed.

“No. I swear, this is half the reason I think you’re Dean’s daughter. You’re just so much like him. Neither of you understand your worth,” Sam said tiredly.

“Kiddo, you don’t need to be family for us to do the decent thing. In case you forgot, Dean offered you a place with us before we even made the connection between your mother and him. And yes, I was hesitant, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want you with us. I was concerned – we don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to keeping our friends safe. I just didn’t want you to get caught up in something and end up dead,” Sam continued.

Y/N realized the truth in his words. Dean did offer to take her with them before they even found out how young she was.

“Also, you have so much potential. You’re a good kid and we happen to like you. It’s just that simple. Don’t overthink it,” Sam ordered, starting to figure out how her mind worked.

“I’m not overthinking. I’m just looking out for myself, I guess. I’ve met too many people who wanted to ‘help’ me before. They just pawned me off to the authorities the first chance they got. I don’t want that happening again, I’m fine on my own,” she reluctantly admitted.

Sam’s heart dropped. He’d heard the horror stories about foster care before, and from the way Y/N was acting, her experience didn’t seem to have been a pleasant one.

“We’re not going to do that kiddo, I promise,” Sam pleaded with her to believe him.

“And if I decide I don’t want to come with you guys? Will you leave me alone?”

“You know we can’t do that. I said we’re not going to hand to over to the CPS, I never said anything about letting you go off on your own. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, Dean wouldn’t let me. He gave you two options kiddo, you gotta pick one.”

He walked across the room to the mini-fridge and took out a beer. Walking back to the table, he twisted the cap off and took a drink before setting it down. Y/N eyed his beer and then the fridge, hoping to get one herself. It had been a long day. She started to move towards the fridge.

“Don’t even think about it.”

She glared at him but sat back down on one of the beds.

“I for one, would prefer if you came with us,” Sam carried on their previous conversation, “I know it’s dangerous, specially now, but leaving you with Jody doesn’t feel right. I’m sure Dean would agree. We won’t force you, of course. And even if you do choose Jody, Dean will probably want to check on you from time to time. So, you’re kind of stuck with us now kiddo.”

Sam was entirely to gleeful for her taste as he said his piece. Neither option sounded particularly delightful to her. Either way, she would have to submit to someone’s authority, which would be fine for a normal fifteen-year-old, but she was terrified of not having control. She’d probably also be made to join school again if she chose to go with Jody. The sheriff’s ward couldn’t exactly skip schooling. The thought of school terrified her. She hadn’t been to one in forever.

“Hey, tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours,” Sam urged her to talk to him. He could see the building tension in her shoulders as she got lost in thought, and couldn’t figure out why she was so upset about them being in her life. They weren’t that bad.

“I don’t wanna go to school,” she blurted out, scratching at her rope-burnt wrists. Sam reached out and grabbed her hands, stopping the anxious action. He realised she still hadn’t treated them and went to fetch the medical cream and some bandages.

“Why?” he asked as he started in on her wrists.

“I – I don’t – I just don’t want to,” she was stuttering, which surprised Sam. She had never faltered once in the little time he’d known her. She came across as quite a confident young woman. Maybe they just didn’t know her very well, he realised.

“Okay,” he simply stated. “You don’t have to.”

He didn’t know why she was so opposed to school but he could take a guess. Her mom died when she was 11 and she had been on her own ever since. It wasn’t hard to figure out that she probably hadn’t seen the inside of a school in a while. Whatever it was, she was clearly bothered by it, so he would leave it alone for now. He didn’t want to give the poor kid more anxiety than she already seemed to have.

Y/N was still breathing fast as Sam finished with her wrists. He let go of her hands and gently put his own on either side of her face, urging her to look at him.

“You’re okay kiddo. You’re gonna be okay.”

The tears surprised her. She didn’t normally cry, but she’d had a hell of a day she supposed. So, instead of being embarrassed about crying like a little girl, something she detested normally, she threw herself into the gentle giant’s comforting arms, giving in to the overwhelming emotions she’d been through in the past few hours.

“Shh, it’s okay kid. Everything’s gonna be okay,” Sam consoled her, gently running his hand over her head as she burrowed herself into his chest.

If only she could believe him.

Chapter 5

TAGS: @vicmc624​ @buttercookiemachoman​ @carisi-sonny​ @zizzlekwum​

If anyone else wants to be tagged, please send me an ask (: Thanks for reading!

[inorganicone2230]

All That Led Us Here (Part 1) Yandere!Overhaul x Fem!Reader

Part 2

Summary: Orphaned at the tender age of six, you are taken in and raised by The Head of The Shie Hassaikai along with his young son, Kai, who takes a strange and immediate interest in you, to an obsessive degree... one that only seems to grow as the years go by. A life with him and The Yakuza is all you've ever known, but is it all you really want? Kai would certainly have you believe so, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you never question it.

Warnings: None for this chapter, in fact, the first few will be relatively tame as we build up to the darker chapters later on, but I will make note of them as they pop up per chapter.

Side Note’s: Just a few quick things to help give you an idea as to how this AU’s world is set up. So first off, there are no quirks in this world, so that means that the Yakuza clans are still strong, wealthy and a huge influence in the Japanese underworld, unlike in the cannon version, and the Shie Hassaikai are one of the biggest if not THE biggest. Second, Kai is The Big Bosses biological son and not just some street rat that he took in. Since we never actually learn the old guys name, I figure that it can easily be played around with to suit the needs of this story and Kai’s looks can be explained by saying that he takes after his deceased mom. And finally, Eri will NOT be making an appearance in this story as of yet.

And as always, I want to give a BIG thank you to my amazing friend @talpup for all the brainstorming and encouragement on these stories! I’m sure I would have given up on this blog a while ago if it wasn't for all of their help. I highly encourage anyone who takes the time to read this to go over to their page or their AO3 account under the same name and check out their works, especially Chaos and Erase The Shadow. They are two of my favorite BNHA fics of ALL TIME!

Kai could still remember the first day he met you, no matter how much time passed or how many years flew by, that day was always going to be crystal clear in his mind.

It was the middle of a sweltering hot summer and his father, the head of the notorious Yakuza clan, The Shie Hassaikai, had received a call from an old friend asking him to come visit him on his deathbed in a nearby town. His father had immediately left, but returned just a few days later.

Only, he wasn’t alone when he came back…

It was already early evening when Kai, who was ten at that point, heard the commotion coming from downstairs and had gone outside with all the others to greet his father when he arrived home and was just as shocked, though he hid it very well, as everyone else to see that he had a little girl no older than six with him.

A tiny little thing wearing a purple sundress and hiding behind his father’s legs while she trembled like a leaf. She was so small that, if it weren’t for the quiet little whimpers coming from her, she may have gone completely unnoticed and Kai couldn’t help but idly wonder who she was and what she was doing with his father.

“Kai?” His father had called out to him once he was spotted by the gate. “Come over here Son, there’s someone you need to meet.”

Kai, being the well behaved and dutiful son that he was, immediately went to his father. He couldn’t deny that he was curious as to who the little girl was and even a stoic child like him was still prone to childlike tendencies every now and then.

“What is it Pops?” He asked, his voice already showing signs of deepening despite his young age. And since he had recently hit a growth spurt, he was easily a good foot or so taller than the little girl currently clinging to his father’s hakama.

His father stepped aside to reveal the child to him in full as he gazed down at her with a look of of care and pity. “Kai, this is (Y/N), she’s the daughter of a dear old friend of mine who recently passed away and she’s going to be living with us from now on.” His father reached down to pat you on the head and Kai knew from experience just how comforting that hand could be in a stressful situation, though he’d likely choke on those words if he ever tried to admit them out loud. “She’s family now, so I want you to look out for her. Ya hear me boy?”

Kai had nodded in agreement without a moment's hesitation, he was always eager to please his father no matter what the task was, though, to be honest, Kai had no real experience dealing with kids his own age, let alone one so much younger than himself. He tended to avoid the idiots at his school, they were always running around, getting filthy and he wanted no part in that, and it’s not like there were any other kids that lived in the compound for him to interact with. Hell, there hadn’t even been a woman living there since his mother died nearly eight years prior.

Kai snapped himself out of his own thoughts when he heard his father speak again, seems he wasn’t done talking just yet.

Kai watched as his father gave you another pat on the head as this time, he addressed you directly, his voice much softer and kinder than Kai could ever remember it being. Perhaps it was because you were a girl, or maybe it was because he felt sorry for the situation you were in, your father had just died after all. Either way, this was a side to his old man that he only ever saw when he talked about his late wife, so this was a rather surreal experience for the young boy.

“(Y/N), this brat here is my son, Kai.” He said, motioning his head towards the golden eyed boy. “If you need anything at all and you can’t find me, I want you to go straight to him, alright? This is going to be your home from now on and that means that you can just think of him as your big brother if that makes it easier.”

You had been looking at the ground for the majority of the time, but when you briefly glanced up to meet his gaze, Kai couldn’t help but feel drawn to the big (e/c) eyes that seemed to take up the majority of your chubby little face. They were wide and full of fear, but also a great deal of curiosity as you took in your new surroundings.

You gave him a small, barely there nod of your head as you mumble out a quick response, your voice just as tiny as you were in stature. “N-Nice to m-meet you Kai-san. I’ll try n-not to be a b-bother for you.” And then your eyes are back on the ground and Kai is left with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach as he uncharacteristically thinks that he wants you to look at him again, and for longer this time.

The old boss tries to muster up a weak smile in the hopes that it will put you at ease. “I’m sure the two of you will get along just fine once you get used to each other. Now, why don’t we go have some dinner and then get you off to bed? It’s been a long few days and I’m sure you’ll feel a bit better in the morning.”

With affirmative nods from both children, nothing more is said as everyone is urged to get back to their usual duties despite talk over who the unexpected new addition to the household is and where she came from.

—————

Later on that night, after a quiet dinner was shared amongst the three, Kai went off back to his room and quietly continued to work on his summer homework. Pops was insistent that he keep up his grades, inciting that just because he was set to inherit the role as head of a mob family, that didn’t mean that he was allowed to be an ignorant fool with no brains to back himself up, and Kai was inclined to agree, there was only one thing he hated more than filth and that was stupidity and a general lack of common sense.

Tonight however, this usually easy task was proving to be just a tad bit harder to stay focused on.

The main reason?

He can hear your soft cries from down the hall in your new room and it’s proving to be rather distracting. Not that you were being overly loud, but thin walls and shoji screen doors don’t provide much in the way of soundproofing or insulation. And with the two of you bring the only ones living on this floor, his old man's room being situated one floor above and everyone else further down, it was even more quiet than a normal house.

Without really stopping to think about what he was doing, Kai got up from his desk and left his room to wander down the hall until he found himself quietly standing outside your door. He debated with himself for about thirty seconds before he made the abrupt decision to just open the door uninvited.

There you were, curled up on an unfamiliar bed that was definitely way too big for someone so tiny, your shoulders shaking even as your head shot up at the sudden sound of sliding wood and big fat crocodile tears continued to roll silently down your cheeks.

“U-Um… w-what are-”

“You’ve been crying.” Kai interrupted you.

You looked down, he really wished you’d stop doing that, almost as if you were ashamed to have it pointed out so bluntly.

“I’m so-sorry, I w-won’t do it a-again, I pro-promise.” You managed to get out between more sniffles.

Kai normally hated the sound of crying, it was like nails on a chalkboard to him and he attributed it to weakness, yet another thing that he so deeply detested. But, he supposed that given the events you had likely been subjected to over the course of the last few days, your blatant display of emotion was understandable, if not outright expected of you.

And besides, he thought, he knew what it was like to lose a parent, but he still had his old man at least, that was more than could be said for you, you didn’t have anyone.

No one but him and Pops…

Kai wouldn’t be able to properly articulate to himself what it really was, not until he was older and understood himself a bit better, but he felt an odd sensation swell up in his chest at the thought of you relying on him, of you needing him, he liked the idea of you staring up at him with those big watery eyes and asking him for help, begging him to make the hurt go away.

But more than that, he wanted to be the reason you smiled. He had yet to see a smile grace your face, but he knew that he wanted to be it’s cause when it did finally happen, or at the very least, he wanted to be the first one to see it.

It was a strange feeling, and not one he was at all used to, but Kai was a pragmatic child and rarely ever second guessed himself once his mind had settled on an idea. His father often told him that if he continued to cultivate that trait, it would make him an even better boss than him someday.

And to that end, he did what his father would expect of him…

“Do you… want me to stay with you, until you fall asleep?”

The two of you stared at each other for roughly a minute before you mutely nodded your head and Kai silently made his way over to your bed, easily climbing onto the tall mattress and sitting upright against the headboard while you laid your head back down on the pillow.

Kai never took his eyes off your face.

“Thank you Kai.” You mumbled sleepily, your swollen, puffy eyes already drooping as sleep threatened to finally claim you.

He wasn’t really great at comforting others, not that he had ever tried, so he acted on pure instinct, reaching out and taking your tiny hand in his own and closing his fist around it, an act that both shocked and astounded him, though he never let go of your hand regardless of that.

It had been so long since he had touched anyone else that he’d almost forgotten what another person’s skin could feel like and despite his steadily growing aversion to physical contact, he didn’t feel even the slightest bit of disgust when he felt your skin against his own. In fact, it was no different than if he was reaching up to touch the flesh of his own face.

Kai knew that this had to mean something, he just didn’t know what that something was just yet.

But he could figure it out, he thought, gazing down at your peaceful face as he brushed some of your hair behind your ear. This was your home now, and he had all the time in the world to learn what it was about you that seemed to set you apart from the rest of the filthy world.

—————

About an hour later, Kai was just beginning to feel his own eyes drop as sleep fought to overtake his senses when he heard a shuffling sound by the still open door and, looking up, he wasn’t all that surprised to find his father standing there in the doorway.

The Boss couldn’t sleep and so he decided to wander down and check on his new charge, he was already beating himself up for leaving you alone in a dark, unfamiliar room. He half expected to find you still awake and crying, however, what he found instead was something far more surprising than anything he could have imagined on his own.

You weren’t crying, in fact, you were sound asleep. Sound asleep and holding his sons hand, his son who hated all unnecessary physical contact. To say he was surprised was an understatement, he never would have expected to find a scene like this, not in a million years.

Kai meanwhile, couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit annoyed that his time alone with you was being interrupted. How was he supposed to think and ponder these new developments if he was being distracted by his father’s eyes boring holes into him.

But, he supposed this could have it’s own benefits, now that they were alone, he could ask his father some questions that have been plaguing his mind since he first arrived home.

“Why is she here Pops?” He asked quietly, never taking his eyes off your sleeping face.

The Boss was not the kind of man that believed in treating his son with kid gloves, he told him how things were in a very direct manner and rarely ever beat around the bush when talking to him. He was going to be taking over one of the most powerful Yakuza clans in the country and he couldn’t afford to have his only son and heir be a spineless weakling. Some might call him cruel for laying so much on a young child’s shoulders, but he knew just how fast he could be swallowed whole if he didn’t possess the necessary moral fiber to stand on his own two feet in this dangerous world he was set to rule in. It might not seem like it, but he loved his son and wanted to see him succeed and push the clan further then even he had.

“Her father was an old friend of mine from back in the day.” He began and leaned one of his large, broad shoulders against the door-frame. “He wasn’t a criminal, in fact, he was a pretty average guy. But he helped me out of more tight spots in our youth then I care to remember and despite knowing about my Yakuza heritage, he never dwelled on it or judged me for it.”

Kai watched as a look of sorrow passed across his father’s face, something that only ever happened when he thought about his mother and he realized it must have meant that he really cared about this dead man, whoever he was.

“We lost touch over the years, but when I got that call from him, asking me to come see him on his deathbed, I knew I owed it to him to go and send him off.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “When I got there, I found out what it was he wanted from me. His last wish was that his only child, his daughter, be raised by someone he knew and trusted. Neither he, nor his deceased wife had any known living family that could take her in. So it was either I take custody of the girl, or she gets put in the system. Clearly you can see what my decision was.”

Kai suspected that there was more to the story than that, but he got what he wanted so he didn’t press for anymore then that.

“So, you want to tell me what you’re doing here in the middle of the night?” His father questioned him.

Kai still had yet to look away from you and to be honest, he really didn’t want to. “She was crying.”

“So you came in here to check on her?”

“Something like that.” Kai murmured, his usual monotone still firmly in place. “She’s different than the others, she’s clean and I don’t feel sick being near her. I can even touch her.”

It was nearly pitch black in the room but there was just enough light streaming in from the hallway that allowed him to see his sons face, and what he saw there nearly had him busting out laughing, but he refrained for fear of ruining whatever it was that was happening to the boy.

Kai was blushing.

It was small and faint, but the tops of his cheeks were definitely looking a bit darker than usual.

And this seemingly innocuous turn of events sparked an idea in his mind, one that he would need to put some serious thought into, he couldn’t just rush something like this without analyzing it from all angles, but it was an option that could ultimately lead to his child’s, no, his children’s future happiness.

“So I take it you’re not going to be having a problem with her being here?”

Kai looked down at you, at the steady rise and fall of your chest and the way you curled in on yourself. He took in the way you nuzzled your face just a bit closer to him and he found comfort in your soft little breaths that he could feel against him arm.

So, did he have a problem with you?

“I’ll take care of her.”

I hope you all enjoyed this! Please let me know what you thought if you have the time!

[gralunaisland]

what made you ship graylu? Not hate just curious. It would be interesting to see a post discussing why you like them and why they would've been a better endgame couple

My Opinions About GraLu

Warning: this post is long because I go into my history with GraLu. Skip to the part labeled “Why I like GraLu” if that’s all you’re here for!

That’s a fantastic question! Thank you for asking! It’d be nice if I focused a bit more on the pair I actually ship than the one I don’t from time to time.

First of all, hope you don’t mind, idk if anyone actually cares, but I say GraLu, even though I think most people use GrayLu. Either is fine, I just personally like to say GraLu because it feels more like a mash of their names rather than Gray’s name with Lu stuck on the end.

I hadn’t really been planning on a GraLu post because this is an Anti gr//via and Anti juvia blog, and I didn’t want to make it seem like the only reason I hated both of those things was because I shipped Gray and Lucy together. To be honest, my shipping them is really a non-factor in my hatred because I believe those things are plenty hate-worthy by themselves without taking into account another ship. Another reason I wasn’t going to make a GraLu post is that I didn’t want to turn away people who hated on gr///via with me but who didn’t ship my OTP. Hopefully, they can just skip over this post without becoming disillusioned with my Anti posts :D I wouldn’t blame them ofc! To each their own.

But onto my answer to your question! I’ll be kind of hijacking this ask to make sort of a master post about my history with GraLu if you don’t mind.

(Look at the end for some bonus videos and pictures of GraLu!👀)

Before GraLu

I guess I have to start at the beginning.

When I first watched FT when I was about 11, I shipped NaLu like the majority of people. At that age, I wasn’t really scrutinizing lots of the show’s flaws, or Natsu’s and Lucy’s flaws as a ship, and just thought they looked great together because they’re best friends, and boy, wouldn’t I like to have a best friend that I could go on adventures with and work with and be lovers with? They were absolutely end game for me.

But here’s where I prove that GraLu was a non-factor for me in hating gr/////via:

Despite shipping Lucy with Natsu, and despite not shipping Gray with anyone at the time, I absolutely hated juvia’s guts.

From her first fight with Gray, I just couldn’t stand her, and she took away a huge chunk of my enjoyment from the show. Even though I rewatched the show countless times, I skipped the Phantom Lord arc because I detested the arc where she was introduced. Whenever she was on-screen, I’d roll my eyes and suffer until she wasn’t.

In my most recent watch-through last autumn, (where I actually made it all the way to the Avatar arc and deliberately stopped there because I knew how terrible gr///via was about to get, plus the arc after that was just basically garbage anyway), I forced myself to watch Phantom Lord again, though I legit skipped the episode where she fought Gray. Then for the rest of the show, I just skipped through some of her scenes. Not all of them because I needed to refresh my mind on how terrible she is of a character, but enough so I could maintain my sanity and my enjoyment of the anime.

Yes, that sounds so overdramatic, but it’s the truth for me, and I have to be honest.

Anyway, that was all just to show how much, from the beginning, I hated her. I never once shipped gr///via, and I never once liked her. (Well, besides when she had her Rain Woman persona, I wish she’d stayed like that.)

I shouldn’t really go into why I hated her here bc I have a feeling this will be a long post and it was supposed to be about GraLu, but I’ll say why younger me hated her.

I didn’t think about her and her behavior and her relationships as in depth as I do now, but I abhorred her from the beginning because of how she was always bothering Gray, and the fact that she’d shove her chest onto him or glare at girls who talked to him or follow him around when he didn’t know or make creepy Gray-themed stuff either for him or for her…. I couldn’t (and can’t) stand that.

The ship gr///via made absolute zero sense to me even when I was young and dumb, and I hated how Gray had basically no say when it came to their relationship. Even 11 year old me could see how uncomfortable he was, how pushy she was. she annoyed me to no end, and I hoped dearly that Gray wouldn’t have to end up with her. One can take a look at my blog to see a more in-depth look into why I hate her and her popular ship nowadays.

From NaLu to GraLu

I don’t remember exactly when I began to change my mind on whom I shipped with Lucy, but it was a few watch-throughs in, a couple years after my first.

To be very honest, I’m not sure how controversial it is, but I’m a multi-shipper. In animes, I usually have one favorite person whom I then go on and ship with other people separately (not a polyamorous ship). I don’t ship them with everyone, and my multi-shipping doesn’t keep me from shipping people outside my main person, it’s just what I usually do.

I wasn’t a multi-shipper from the beginning, and Fairy Tail was my first anime. But I guess in my later rewatches, I began to ship Lucy with Gray as well. At first it was basically a side ship, but then it became equal to NaLu, and now is my OTP for the show. I think I began to see that Gray had better chemistry with Lucy.

Now, I think it’s less multi-shipping and more of changing whom I ship Lucy with, but I don’t ship Natsu with anyone else. (While I like Lisanna better than I used to, I always thought she was too pushy to be likable when she was a little girl. I was also disappointed in how Mashima handled her story because it just sort of seemed like a contrived way to revive NaLi and NaLu wars which ended up going nowhere.)

Even now, I don’t dislike NaLu. It’ll always have a special place in my heart for being my first ship. But in my most recent rewatch, I was 100x more excited for GraLu moments than NaLu moments. Since GraLu isn’t an endgame ship, it has way fewer moments than the Main Four ships, but that just makes me so much more happy to see them when they occurred.

Plus idk, with Natsu, thanks to Mashima’s taste, there were too many accidental boob-grabs, too many accidentally perverted scenes. Very cheap and perverted “ship moments”. And I think if Mashima really wanted to write their relationship better, he’d have put more effort into delving deeper, because it sort of felt like Natsu was treating her almost the same as all his friends and getting Lucy’s hopes up for nothing. I think Natsu was a tad too dense. But really, I think it’s a solid ship in the terms of best friends to lovers trope.

However, Gray and Lucy has all that best-friendship and more!

Why I like GraLu

Onto the good stuff finally!

Here’s where I’ll actually say some of the stuff that made me first ship GraLu as per your question (I’m really sorry I went into so much depth, it’s just how I roll I guess TvT).

I first noticed their chemistry a while ago, when I saw how Gray let Lucy into his inner circle quite easily. Even though Gray can be ornery with the people around him, even if it’s mostly for fun, he seemed to vibe with Lucy despite her being the new girl around. I thought it was special how he, and the other members of Team Natsu ofc, allowed Lucy to become a close friend. It’s not like he had to become really close to her. He could’ve left the group a long time ago, but instead he stayed and came to care for Lucy deeply.

Tbh, again, I guess I don’t have a great memory lol, but I don’t remember the exact moment I consciously decided that I liked Gray and Lucy together. For Past Me, maybe the best thing I can say is it felt right, it felt natural. They were also basically the best friends to lovers situation, though this time, they were more similar in temperament than wild Natsu and intelligent, confident Lucy.

I’ll say why I like them now that I’m consciously thinking about it.

They are always talking to each other in the background, always whispering to each other their opinions on what was going on. They’re usually on the same wavelength, being both more level headed than Natsu and Happy and sometimes Erza most of the time. I think it shows how comfortable they are with each other and how much they like talking to the other. It shows for Lucy that the first person she likes to opine to is Gray and vice versa.

They also tend to think of plans and the intelligent way of going through things, like how Gray knew Lucy’d figured out the riddle of how to find Mavis’ grave, and how Lucy listened to Gray’s reasoning on what the moon had to do with Deliora’s iced shell. They’re both smart and acknowledge each other’s intelligence and wisdom, even if they also have their silly dumb moments.

Gray loves to read Lucy’s book, even though she doesn’t want anyone to read it, and besides Levy, he seems to be the only person to care and to want to read it. Considering it’s her dream and her passion to write, I find it very telling that Gray is the only guy to appreciate it. He actually likes it too, and wanted to keep reading it and know what happens next. I think Lucy deserves a guy who’ll support her passion.

Gray is also attracted to Lucy’s appearance. I wouldn’t say that’s a super deep reason for shipping them together, but considering how her looks are one of her pride and joys, I think it’s super cute that Gray appreciates it as well. Just another area they agree on haha! A few instances where we see it are during the Tower of Heaven changing scene where he blushes and goes gooey eyed as he sees her and even tells her she looks great after, during the Nirvana Gray-Gemini scene, where he shows he’s interested in her and thinks she’s really cute, also in the Key of the Starry Sky arc where he imagines her in a skimpy outfit and blushes. There’s plenty more of these too!

I also really liked that Nirvana scene because it’s also revealed he thinks while she can be as hot-headed as Erza, she hides her good heart, showing he’s thought about her more deeply than just considering her a casual friend. He even calls her “the whole package” for crying out loud!! And Lucy is shown in that scene that she trusts Gray and his goodness immensely because even though Gemini Gray looks and sounds exactly like him, she knew he couldn’t be the real one because she knows he doesn’t waver between good and evil.

Lucy also trusts Gray a lot over the show, having faith in his strength and his abilities and how he always has his friends’ backs. In a lot of scenes, she goes to him for help, or hides behind him when she’s scared. And in the Avatar arc, even though Gray says all these hurtful things about FT because he’s pretending to be evil, after giving him a slap, she says they’ll always be friends, that they’ll help him with whatever he’s going through, that him renouncing his friends and FT breaks her heart. Unlike with juvia in the Daphne arc, where juvia declares that she’ll believe Gray no matter what and that the FT members are wrong for calling him out for his horrible deeds, Lucy holds him accountable for his actions here, punishing him, not letting him off the hook, but still loving him enough to help him get through his dark place. That’s just such pure love right there.

They care for each other a lot. I think it’s very characteristic of Fairy Tail members, excluuuuding one juvia lockser, but it’s still with big plus in this ship’s favor. How Gray rather die than to give up Lucy to Phantom Lord, how he became uncontrollably angry with Sabertooth when Lucy was beaten by Minerva, how Lucy frets over Gray’s scar, how she’s concerned for him after seeing Deliora. Oh and don’t get me started on the episode where Lucy said she was getting stalked and Gray followed her home to keep her safe!! Ugh that’s goals.

They also joke with each other a lottt. They’re just so comfortable with each other and do things without being too worried about what others think. They realize the other’s shortcomings and flaws (something juvia doesn’t do at all. Gray is perfection incarnate in her eyes). Lucy, despite being the newcomer, was never shy and reserved and afraid of making friends. She from the get-go has been lively and able to go head to head with the boys and be as scary as Erza to shut them up. She never puts on an act, or pretends to be someone she’s not. (Same with Gray). She kicks Gray whenever he strips in her house and always tells him to keep dressed, being his voice of reason in that regard. He on the other hand calls her out sometimes when her vanity gets a little out of control, so he can be reason for her too. They can speak their minds to each other, and being honest to friends and partners is super important.

A bit related to that, Lucy and Gray don’t start off as loving each other. Maybe that’s just because Mashima never wrote them to be set as a couple in canon, though he for sure liked to tease it at times, but the fact that they became best friends first is really important to their chemistry. That’s a requirement I even have for myself, to become best friends with the person I want to date before doing so, because then you can be your real self without being afraid of judgement, and therefore you truly know whom you’re dating. I think that’s a huge virtue with this ship because Gray and Lucy do exactly that. They are the best of friends; they are themselves with each other 100% of the time, they can be real with each other and confide in each other, they enjoy each other’s company. Everything is laid bare, and it’s at that moment where you can really decide if you love someone enough to date, rather than to date to see if you’re compatible.

This heavily contrasts with juvia’s non-relationship with Gray, where from the beginning she told herself she loved him despite not knowing him at all, and then she continued to ignore what he wants and who he is as she tries to shove her “love” onto him, never taking no as an answer and never trying to become friends with him. It was dating or bust for her. From a realistic standpoint, I think most people would want a relationship like Gray’s and Lucy’s than his and juvia’s. Also from the realistic approach, it would make more sense to be friends and then to see the date-able qualities of the person. I don’t believe in love at first sight personally, because is it love when you know nothing about the other person besides their face?

Even from a fictional, writer’s standpoint, I think it’s much more satisfying to see your two characters fall for each other gradually—BOTH of them, mind you. I’ve mentioned this in another post of mine, but a huge reason why gr///via is so unsatisfying, besides the glaringly obvious emotional abuse and blatant lack of chemistry, is that juvia is already at the point where she’s ready to marry Gray and have dozens of babies together from the beginning, and Gray is the only person who has to apparently “fall in love”.

He’s the only one who has to change, who has to meet juvia at her level of obsession. He’s not really given a choice from a writer’s perspective. It’s either severely disappoint the fans, whom you’ve lured into cheering for the ship by promoting it so much even with the label “comedy”, by giving him an actually healthy relationship who’s decidedly NOT her, or make the ship’s fans happy by shoving him into a contrived, toxic relationship. It’s a lose-lose scenario for the author, where on the one hand he’s losing fans of his work, and on the other he’s killing his legitimacy as a good author, but it could have been be avoided by not introducing juvia as the crazed, abusive lover at all. But I digress.

Why they would’ve been a better endgame than gr///via

First of all, nearly anything would’ve been better than gr///via.

But as for GraLu as endgame, besides all the reasons why I think they go great together, I just think Gray would finally be heard being with Lucy. She actually cares for her friends and how they’re feeling. She wants to hear what he has to say and listens to him, shown throughout the show. His voice would finally matter to someone, to her, finally reach someone’s ears, while with juvia, all he says to her goes in one ear and out the other and ends in “I love you so so much, juvia!”

And with Lucy, she’d have a guy who’s more level-headed and steady than Natsu, who uses his head (more often than Natsu at least haha). Someone intelligent and chill whom she can really depend on over the more serious things, and yet someone who has a wild, witty side to spice life up a bit. I think they both do great jobs at balancing each other out and checking the other when the other is getting out of hand. They both appreciate and care for the other, but they don’t do it so much that they’re in love with their own perfect, self-crafted delusion (*cough* like what juvia does).

They would definitely enjoy doing similar things together, like just a lazy day inside with hot tea or coffee and cookies with her writing and him reading and letting her know his thoughts, or going out for a walk during the winter, enjoying the crisp, cool air. I don’t think they’d ever run out of things to say or do, and I feel like whatever they did would be fun as long as they did it together. Those are headcanons ofc, but it’s what I’d imagine their endgame to look like. I can just see it, how happy they’d genuinely make each other.

If only if only…

Closing notes

This is all I can think to say about it for now. There are too many scenes of them caring for each other to really list them all! I might make a sequel post with more to talk about it, but basically I ship them because of their chemistry and the pacing of their relationship and their similarities, while they also have their differences to make each unique, and they genuinely make each other better people just by being close.

Thank you for reading! And thanks again for the ask! And please enjoy the video and pics of my OTP u_u

Here’s one of my favorite scenes of them! And please excuse the dub, I watched FT dubbed since the beginning and fell in love with their voices!

I know these are from the school OVA but love them anyway!

Lookit how happy he is with Lucy! Big smile on both of them u_u

My my, however did juvia’s face get scratched out twice?

I always love this dancing scene for obvious reasons! And just look at the animation; you can't tell me the animators weren't GraLu shippers! It's such a detailed panel and differs from the usual style!

[leo-in-the-fields]

PHANTOM LIMB

I've always felt his presence! Wherever I went, the ghost penis was there. It was huge obviously. Raoul- the ghost- ejected a lot. I was proud of Raoul.

I'm also proud of my broad shoulders. I practise in front the dark shopping Windows when I pass by a shop. Also, I've got an Onyx looking glass where I pose & show off my muscles. I've always been very much keen on sports: football, basketball, baseball, etc. However, boys wouldn't accept me as easily as I wished. I suppose that must be the case of every sport. But no matter how much was I rejected, the phantom penis made me try & try again to be taken in, as a first level player.

I decided to cut my hair short; which made my mum ran wild the first time she looked at it. My dad was always staring at me, wordless, pondering, from a far.

I only hated, detested mirrors: they reminded me of the girl I am; my body; that thing that never represented me at all. I absolutely hated the growing tits & the vaginal canal down there. All this made terrified of mirrors; they haunted me at every corner of the world. Only the Onyx looking glass gave me back the image I wanted. The Onyx glass & the phantom limb.

I tried being a woman, well, a feminine woman if you want. I absolutely loathed it. I never felt so humiliated. Cause being a woman is humiliating? Perhaps. I couldn't give a shit about modern feminism, I just wanted to feel okay, that's all. & mirrors & people were not doing it. Only the Onyx glass &, of course, the ghost limb.

My terror of mirrors was so great that I tried to cover all the looking glasses of my house. Then I remembered "covered mirrors" by Borges. How I strove to hide my PHYSICAL reality.

Then I said to myself: fly away to a place of imagination. That's why I started writing a blog. & uploading pics of myself.

Then one day, I got a message from someone on my blog. A dude wanted to get in touch with me.

What's your name? Man- I asked.

- Raoul- answered.

II

Raoul & I met at a transport cafe near my town. He was a jovial, cisgender man of about 20 years old. We got along almost instantaneously, as if we had known each other for ages. He told me he was gay & I told him I wanted to be a man; a transgender man. I also told him he had the same name of my phantom limb! To which he replied that he too had a phantom limb. Cause his physical one was too small for him. He'd called it Stephen. We thought that was funny& laughed a lot. I didn't know cisgender men had phantom limbs too! The one they wish they had had.

- Do you consider me a man? - I asked.

- I don't know! Which of the true realities you want me to call you for? The physical one? Or the phantom one?

- So, you wouldn't mind if I misgender you as a woman? Raoul?- I stabbed.

- I couldn't care less! I'm not a man either! Gays are not considered real men. In fact, my gay friends called me Stephanie! Ha ha. -

I guess no one's really born as a man, you just get to be one!

- What will the true reality be?- I asked aloud.

- My grandfather was a pastor, he always said that ONLY Jəsus was The Truth, The Way & The Life. I guess that, by that statement, only He is real & truthful. The rest of the creation are just spectres floating around The Sun of Truth. We're just phantoms of His Imagination.

III

One year has passed since our meeting & I was at the civil law courts of my town; about to change my birth name:

- & your name will be....? Sir.

I thought for a moment, stared at the distance, through a window glass, & finally answered:

- Stephen.

[xdazzlex]

bjd - related rant

so, here’s a little rant. And gossiping behind people’s back, yass :) 

So, I just went out for a photo shoot with my beloved Supia Rosy. I figured I like her so much, I need a twin. Ok, want not need... Anyway. I’d love a twin. Maybe it’s just a phase. I don’t know... 

Anyway, I searched through the MP and at the moment there are not just one but two Rosies out there. How awesome. So, I PM-ed one woman who even comes from the same country (yay for lower shipping cost). Her Supia’s been on the MP for the last 6 months. That tells you something. I mean, everyone once in their bjd career owns a Rosy. So, it should be easy to sell one. Also, she’s a girl, so girl dolls generally sell awesome. Also, she’s in Europe, so she sells twice as fast. But... if you’re selling yellowed, *permanently* stained piece of junk *without* CoA or box at a price... lemmie see... right now Supia’s offering a sale and you can get a *brand new* Rosy at $452,70. So, this person basically overcharges for something which we normally term as ‘fixer upper’. Cool... 

And yeah, it has a faceup by an overpriced (in relation to the originality.. I mean, this faceup is cute, technically cool but it’s *basic-as-freak*) by a Polish artist who ‘but doesn’t paint recasts’. Cool... I’m a revolving door, so say it to all the non-Poles who’ll buy it off me within next couple years because that’s how I roll doll. Also, God forbid something happens to the faceup and I either once again pay over 100 bucks to a person whom I associate with the Polish forum which I detest heartily in order to repair the basic faceup or what... oh yeah, or: have the doll devoid of its value. Wow, thanks. 

So anyway, I won’t keep it a secret - I got my baby with her CoA & box for less thatn 400 bucks. From Europe, where they’re also charging for the duty fee. I got some lovely extras and I am forever thankful for having this doll. She also had a lovely faceup by an even-more-expensive artist. The eyebrows are a little too high for my taste, but otherwise it’s cute. And if I ever decide to have it repainted it looses no value. Also, it’s not a yellowed & stained junk from the times when Cerberus Project was in vogue. cool

I PMed that seller asking if the above reasons (the condition, the sellable market value, the brand new pricing, the lack of CoA) are somewhat persuasive but no.. “She may just as well keep the doll’. B****h! You damn well can! 

So, then I went to see what’s up with the other Supia currently out there too. She’s priced at the symbolic 599... wow clever. Hmm.. she has the company faceup, I guess she has the CoA too so... not the best, but not the worst. *only* 100 bucks more than the regular shop price and only 200 bucks more than what I paid for mine. Ok, lets say this poor owner had to breathe their lungs out to pay the fee and the shipping... 599 after minor negotiations wouldn’t sound too bad.

Turns out (I did a bit of research on the blog) this doll is at least 10 years old and (when having asked about it) I learnt that it has neither the company box NOR the CoA. Oh, supposed I wanted to wipe out this (even more) basicTM faceup... this doll loses half of the value with the flip of.. a cotton bud lol. But hey... the owner told me that ‘she always gettin her dolls outta respectable doll forums and DoA’. Oh good... like DoA has no history of ever banning owners who’d scam people and sell to them recasts... loool. 

So yeah, right now I am waiting for a Rosy. A decent (don’t mind junk like the aforementioned, half of my dolls are junk but I was getting them at half their damn prices, duh!) one with her documents (what’s so freaing hard about keeping a darn piece of paper with your darn doll?! wtf?) at a price which is not plain freakin ridiculous. Like, what is so hard about pricing your junk doll without a CoA at the price of a recast? Quick ebay search tells me from 220-300... Another quick search on the DoA Archive tells me it’s been done! So yeah, I am *not* insane. I’m not stingy (I don’t even need a layaway). I’m just not giving in to two scalpers.

I just don’t get it how people who’re selling junk/old dolls without their CoAs and stuff are charging even MORE than the company?! WTF???  Not even the same, but MOAR, can you hear me?

And yeah, I am angry and frustrated and you can eat your popcorn to my rage. I know I will get another Supia and wait a couple more months before I go directly to the artist’s website (she offers these discounts every couple months). The money is no issue. The quality and the dumb attitude of these lazy scamming b****s who’d rather overprice dolls to get a few more bucks than go and get a damn job like all the rest of us, normal people... is what drives me insane. 

Well, just two more individuals in my small ‘ignored member’ section <3 

[msjr0119]

The Greatest Show

Never Enough - Part 2

A new series- all chapters are based on each song from ‘The Greatest Showman’

Characters belong to Pixelberry except MC - Amber Smith-Beaumont

Warnings: Swearing, sarcasm 😉, smut

Tags - using combined tagged list, if you want to be removed please let me know 👍🏼

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree-0816

READ PART 1 FIRST****

******

Amber had helped Olivia prepare for the ball at Lythikos. Usually they would enjoy their first day skiing, ice skating, completing activities- but Olivia thought about getting the ball over and done with then they can all enjoy themselves.

“Wow you look amazing Amber! Take that as a compliment- Walker will be drooling all over you.” Twirling around in the golden dress, that was v neck flaunting her assets- Olivia placed the fur shawl around her to give her the complete look.

“As do you. He’s amazing Liv I don’t understand why you detest him so much. Do you think he used me for sex?”

“We are like marmite, we’ve always had this love/hate relationship. I’ve put you next door to each other- so if you want to sneak in some sexy time you can do. I’ve left you a present too. I haven’t seen him this way before- he is definitely falling in love with you- if he hasn’t already.” Amber eyed Olivia up and down, intrigued as to what it was her mystery gift was. The duchess had given her hope that Drake had been sincere with his words and actions, smiling to herself they headed to the ballroom. Both ladies greeted Olivia’s guests as they arrived, the men turned up to together.

“He’s even wearing a suit for you. He never wears suits.” Olivia whispered to her new friend, noticing her turn a shade of red.

“Amber, you look more beautiful every time I see you.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” Madeleine overheard the conversation and immediately informed Kiara and Penelope. Knowing now was possibly the time to cause an scandal regarding the Beaumont’s- if Amber was a threat to her friend, she would sort it out promptly. Once all the guests had arrived, drinks and canapés were handed out as the nobles socialised. Drake kept his distance away from Amber to avoid gossip- however he couldn’t help himself admire her, stealing glances, providing the star crossed lovers act.

Kiara came over towards Olivia and Amber, with Penelope following shortly behind as if she was some shadow.

“Duchess Olivia, it’s wonderful to be here again. C’est beau.”

“Merci ... now what is the real reasoning for you disturbing me? Shouldn’t you be trying to dig your claws into a man who will never return the feelings?”

“No, you know how I love to sing when there is a live band. I wondered if I could do that after the dancing. I’ve got a song in mind.” Narrowing her eyes towards Amber, she knew with the help from her friends she could sway Drake away from the Beaumont girl.

“Do whatever Kiara. Just make sure you sing in fucking English. There’s only so much french I can tolerate.”

The band started playing the Cordonian waltz, Liam knew he had to play fair with the suitors. “I’ll dance with Amber, you dance with Liv- then swap. I know you hate Liv but at least you can dance with the girl of your dreams.” Drake nodded, wondering how he was going to convince Olivia to be so close to him.

“Lady Amber may I have this dance?” Liam asked, as he bowed.

“Of course your Highness.” Amber curtsied, allowing Liam to guide her on to the dance floor.

“Come on Liv, sooner we get this over with sooner I can get rid of you.”

“Couldn’t have put it better myself. Just don’t come too close! I haven’t got my hand sanitizer on me.” Drake dragged her onto the dance floor, not gracefully - during their awkward dance they couldn’t help but insult each other. Liam overheard, and began to laugh.

“Why is Drake dancing with Olivia? He never dances!” Kiara wasn’t jealous with the fact that he was dancing with Olivia, it was more a stab in the heart that after all these years she had been rejected when she had offered.

“Don’t worry about it Ki, I have a plan. Here’s some wine. I’m looking forward to your performance later babe.” Kiara noticed that it was time to change partner, he’s in her arms now. Viewing how differently he danced with Amber- was a constant stab in heart that kept reoccurring. His eyes lit up, he held her lovingly. Wishing that she had been more persistent in trying to woo the only man she had feelings for, she knew she needed help from her two friends before it was too late.

“Hey beautiful.”

“Charmer. How was your dance with Olivia?”

“Stiff. But now I’m with you, I feel like the world has melted away.” Smiling at him, he noticed the twinkle in her eyes.

“Kiara is giving us dagger eyes.”

“So?” Drake said abruptly, not caring about her- he didn’t want to ruin this time with Amber.

“I’m just saying. You’ve improved dancing by the way.”

“Well after last night, I watched a bit of YouTube. I didn’t want to make you look like a fool because I can’t dance.”

“Is it wrong that I want to kiss you in front of everyone?”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“Well if you fancy a sleepover later, Liv has left us a surprise.”

Drake wondered why Olivia was rooting for them all of a sudden, why she would leave them a gift- he knew that she didn’t feel threatened by Amber compared to the likes of Madeleine, so his mind was working over time due to Olivia having a kind heart.

“May I cut in?” For fuck sake, Drake muttered to himself. His smile had soon disappeared.

“Of course Lady Kiara. Thank you for the dance Drake.” Walking away she could tell how awkward it was but she was keeping up appearances for the Beaumont’s even though half the court knew about her secret rendezvous with Drake. Maxwell offered to dance with her, asking gossip about her and Drake- Amber couldn’t help but wonder what Kiara was talking about with Drake.

“How come you are suddenly dancing?” Asking him with a stern tone of voice.

“Well it’s Liam’s social season. He’s my best friend, I have to make an effort.”

“So it’s nothing to do with HER then? You didn’t dance during Leo’s social season.” Emphasising the word her, he could detect jealousy in her tone of voice.

“Even if it was anything to do with Amber, you and I aren’t close- I wouldn’t class you as a friend Kiara. You are more of an acquaintance. I don’t understand why you all have this hatred towards her.”

“Do you love her?” Seeing her eyes well up with tears, he did feel guilty- but he had never provided her with any indications that he felt the same way.

“I like her. She’s an amazing girl, she’s even tamed Olivia. Be nice to her Kiara, you may become friends one day.” No chance, you are mine Drake.

“We’ll see. Merci for the dance. Maybe do it again sometime?”

******

Madeline noticed that Amber was on her own at the bar, taking this opportunity to pounce - she knew people hated her, what would it matter if she added one more enemy to the list.

“Lady Amber, I thought I’d officially introduce myself as we didn’t get the chance to at the lawn party. I thought you’d be thrilled to have the prince kiss someone of your standard.”

“How about go fuck yourself COUNTESS. I don’t need you to introduce yourself.”

“How rude! I’d have thought Duke Bertrand would have taught you some manners by now. Although your mother, Marie was a commoner with no manners. The only manners she had was when she opened her legs to all the men around here. What was her nickname again? Oh yes. Minx Marie the poor sad little maid. I assume Marie didn’t inform you of who your father is?” Gritting her teeth, she knew about her mother’s situation- how she struggled in life, how she appreciated life considering the hardship she faced.

“My family life has nothing to do with you. I am fully aware about my father, my ancestry and my family. Maybe you should concentrate on your own life! I mean, you couldn’t even keep Leo on a leash. Maybe if you didn’t wear a sour face and be nice to people - some men may actually like you.” Madeleine burst out cackling, Amber wasn’t sure what she had said to make her react that way. An insult usually made people angry or upset.

“You have no clue do you? Did you enjoy sucking Drakes dick last night? I overheard the men talk about about your secret rendezvous. I thought us women were supposed to stick together? You waltz in here, steal the only man that Kiara ever loved....”

“It doesn’t matter! He doesn’t love her! She’s obsessed with a man that will never return the feelings!”

“What and he loves you?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Good. Now I have a little secret regarding you - my daddy once told me. King Constantine, Regina and Leo also know. Do you want to know?”

“Either way you are going to tell me!”

“You aren’t a Beaumont. You are Jackson Walker’s daughter- Drakes sister.”

“You’re lying.”

“Go and ask other people. I’d never hurt anyone- as I said us women stick together. One gets hurt we defend them immediately.” Turning her head towards her friends, she wanted to be sick- she wanted to runaway and never return. Unable to control her shaking body, she returned her gaze towards the blonde who was smirking. Amber pulled her fist back, before hitting Maddy straight in the nose- blood immediately pouring out rapidly.

“STAY AWAY FROM ME - I AM A BEAUMONT, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I’M A NEW YORKER! DON’T MESS WITH US MADDY! OH BY THE WAY- I’LL SEND YOU RECOMMENDATIONS FOR A PLASTIC SURGEON, I HEARD THEY ARE FAB BACK HOME!” Gasps began to echo around the ballroom, Olivia clapped whilst sipping champagne- she loved Amber, but was now worried what she would do to Drake if he ever hurt her. Kiara and Penelope ran over to their friend, placing some ice towards her nose to prevent any swelling. Leo suggested that he would run after amber, explaining that he knew how Madeleines mind worked due to their failed engagement.

*****

Following Amber onto the balcony, he immediately felt the ice cold air hit his lungs- hoping she would return inside sooner rather than later.

“Suture! There you are. What’s up girl? Ignore whatever Madeleine said she just enjoys making people’s life a misery. Nice shot by the way, I think you’ve broken her nose.”

“I don’t care. She deserved it. Do you know who my father is?” Don’t fucking lie to me please.

“Amber. Your mom was lovely, my father always spoke highly of her. She was a hard worker. It was a mistake what happened here- and it’s turned out to be a beautiful mistake. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before, I wanted to tell you- I really did.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me? We had unprotected sex- if I wasn’t on the pill and I became pregnant.... I’ve slept with my fucking brother.” She slept with Max or Bertrand? No that’s just wrong.

“I’m going to be sick. I knew I shouldn’t have come here. It broke my mom. I only came for summers because she knew I needed to spend time with dads side of the family. Can I kiss you?”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you? I need to kiss you.” Before he could reply, she quickly kissed him. “See I feel nothing towards you. Why did I feel something towards my own brother? Oh my god. I need to leave. I can’t breathe.” Beginning to hyperventilate, Leo could kill his ex fiancée for causing all of this.

“Amber! Breathe. Okay, count with me- 1,2,3,4,5.....” Following his instructions, she slowed her breathing down, after a while he escorted her back inside - getting her a whiskey he knew she needed something stronger.

*****

Kiara got in position to begin her performance, Leo and Amber joined the rest of the guests on the dance floor.

I'm trying to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can't let this moment end

You set off a dream in me

Kiara focused her gaze towards only Drake, noticing her- he narrowed his eyes, all he was thinking about was Amber- and what had instigated the commotion between her and Madeleine.

Getting louder now

Can you hear it echoing?

Take my hand

Will you share this with me?

'Cause darling without you

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the nightsky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Maxwell began to believe this song had some personal meaning, following Kiara’s gaze- she never kept her eyes off Drake.

“Shit man, she’s singing this song to you. She’s saying she could have everything in this world but all she wants is you.”

“I don’t care Max, she’s never meant anything to me. I’m falling in love with your cousin- I’ve slept with many noble women before, blurry experiences. Half the time I can’t remember their names but with Amber it felt different- something was there.”

“Do you see a future with her?” Drake nodded, Maxwell knew how guarded Drake usually was- he was happy for his friend and cousin.

“Look after her buddy. I trust that you will.”

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

Drake walked closer towards Amber, standing next to her- he lingered his hand close to hers. Needing to not cause anymore scenes she focused her gaze on Kiara- feeling his fingers brush against hers, he forced them to intertwine. Gulping, she could feel her breathing increase. You are my brother. Please let go of me Drake.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the nightsky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

Observing Kiara focus her attention on Drake, Amber couldn’t take it anymore. The jealousy and guilt. Drake deserved Kiara. Removing her hand out of his, she provided her friends with sorrow in her eyes- before running out of the ballroom. Olivia knew Drake would want to follow her immediately but motioned for him to stay out for the mean time.

For me

Never, never

Never, never

Never, for me

For me

Never enough

Never, never

Never enough

Never, never

Never enough

For me

For me

For me

Once Kiara had finished, everyone clapped even though half of the guests wasn’t keen on her- they were just being polite. Walking over to Drake, Kiara smiled. “One day Drake, you will understand how much you mean to me. I love you. I always have and I always will.” Gritting his teeth, he couldn’t stand the way she made him feel suffocated- he was impressed with how intellectual she was, but for him he had no feelings towards her.

Leo scrutinised the room for the witch, noticing her attention seeking regarding the ‘abuse’ she had received, he dragged Madeleine into their friendship circle. None of them would allow her to escape until she explained the reasoning behind her busted nose.

“What did you say to Amber? People don’t go around punching people. Not that I blame her. I loved the entertainment, does it hurt? Poor little Maddy.” Olivia had no empathy towards the snake.

“I told her the truth about her father!”

“Why couldn’t you just leave it out. She doesn’t care- she will be a Beaumont no matter what.”

“Can someone please tell us what is going off?” Liam asked softly.

“Amber thinks she’s slept with her family member- she was freaking out about it. Max, have you or Bertrand ever slept with her?” Leo knew he sounded ridiculous asking this, he knew they wasn’t aware that Amber was their sister- but they were believed to be her ‘cousins’ and wouldn’t have that type of relationship.

“Are you fucking insane? She’s our cousin!” Madeleine continued smirking, watching the havoc that she had caused erupt.

“Madeleine the truth! What exactly did you say? Future kings orders so be careful with your wording.”

“Drake belongs to Kiki. Not some love child. I told her that her mother slept around with all men here- I told her that Jackson was her biological father. I must blame the alcohol for rushing to my head- getting me all confused, her father is Barthelemy. Little miss perfect is your sister Maxi.”

[generalasshattery]

Mavado/Reader

The next commission is for long time friend of this blog @insightfultaco! Taco has given me some of the best prompts to work with, and this one is actually a prequel to the other Mavado/Reader fic they requested. Check that out here.

This is my LONGEST FIC for this blog, it clocks in at 5.3k words, with no smut. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it

---------------------

Talented, but disappointing. Maybe he was being too harsh, but if they didn’t want harsh then they were in the wrong organization, and working for the wrong people. Even in training sessions like this, the brutality was excessive. More so today than it typically was given it was a sparring day, and the sounds of violence could make it hard to think. Those dull thuds of skin, bone, and muscle coming into vicious contact and the inevitable groans of pain that followed. Then there was that smell, mostly sweat or body odor, he wasn’t close enough to catch a whiff of any blood.It would have been disgusting if he wasn’t forged from exactly this sort of thing.  Home had always been a place of violence, and he thrived in it. And yet, right now it just irritated him, because what he was doing was pointless and he detested pointless things.

He’d been watching the training for over an hour now, attempting to assess the various subordinates talent as they fought with each other. He didn’t need to be here, he already knew more or less where everyone fell on the list of raw skill, as that was very much his business. So that meant sitting and observing was plainly a waste of everyone’s time. They weren’t stupid, he did have to give them that. It was far from a secret that someone was about to be promoted. And while there were no such thing as “friendly” competition in the Red Dragon, these fights were proving to be abnormally vicious. It may not have been a formal tournament to find the best, but it was a competition nonetheless, and they were all trying so hard to prove their worth.

It was short sighted and irritating honestly, of course he needed a talented fighter, but he needed so much more than that. He needed something he’d already had, but was gone now. So he was stuck finding a replacement. He hated the thought of it. Replacement. As though a position so important could be filled by a revolving door of people until someone managed to hang around long enough to matter. Replacement. Skilled at doing what they were told as they may have been, he needed people that could think with a calm, cold detachment. Someone that could keep their eyes on the big picture and get the job done, even if it cost valuable lives. Replacement. It felt like an insult, but he couldn’t quite articulate why. No, that wasn’t accurate. He could very clearly explain why this so bothered him, but he was trying to avoid going down that path of thinking. There were so many questions left unanswered, and so many things that still darkened the corners of his mind when there was nothing else to occupy it. 

Getting stuck in those thought loops didn’t help anyone, not him, not the Red Dragon, not even you. And if you were alive, then it seemed very clear now from the months of silence that you weren’t hung up on it either. His lip twitched, “if you were alive.” He wasn’t certain if he preferred the thought of you dead or the thought of you leaving this whole world behind. That was a lie. It would’ve been over if he knew you were dead, he could have dealt with that and moved on. You being alive posed problems. The most obvious being about the things you knew, and the secrets you could spill. It could mean that at some point he’d have to be the one to deal with you. But those weren’t the only options. You could be alive, but captured by any of the many enemies you’d made together. That was something he had to consider too. Though if that were the case, and you hadn’t been released or no ransom demanded by now… well. You were probably now the first option: dead. Third in command of the Red Dragon? No one was going to risk keeping you for that long. He briefly wondered who was still looking for you. Many people had been given the task after you disappeared, but after months of nothing he doubted many people were actively searching. Still Daegon wouldn’t be so stupid as to let you walk away from this with all the things you knew and all the damage you could do. It could be a bad sign he was told to let the lower ranked members handle this. Or maybe it was merely more practical to let someone less important struggle while there was a power vacuum to fill. It was, he supposed, the smallest of favors that wasn’t currently his problem. No, his problem, as irritating as it was, was picking your replacement.

And that’s why he was sitting here, watching all these people trying so hard to live up to the standard you set. They fought well, but of course they did, they wouldn’t be here if they didn’t. So he got up and ignored all the eyes that followed him closely as he left. If they wanted to be you, they were going to have to do more than throw a good punch, and find a better way to impress him. The tension in the room was so thick the little recruits were all but choking on it, and him leaving wasn’t going to lessen the growing animosity between those that thought they had a fighting chance. There was a memory just whispering in his ear about when you and he had been in the same position, but he wasn’t invested in that thinking. Not at the moment. He needed to report his absolute discontent with the entire lot, and that would undoubtedly earn him some ire.

He couldn’t risk being accused of being caught up on the past, of being caught up on you. Weakness would never be tolerated. His lips curled thinking about that. He’d known getting caught up in feelings was always a liability. He’d made the mistake of trusting your callousness, of your eagerness to do the work and succeed. The mistake of trusting you at all. It was a mistake he’d never repeat, of that he was certain. No, he needed only to worry about finding someone worthy of the spot you’d left vacant. Which brought him all the way back to where this little chain of thought had begun when considering all his options: talented, but disappointing.

------

He hadn’t managed to clear his mind by the time he got to Daegon’s office. The frustration was simmering deep in his mind. He had control, for now, but there was the possibility of the heat rising, and that simmer could quickly become a rolling boil. Still, he had to face someone he couldn’t risk disappointing with something that was  actually disappointing. Daegon had set him to the task weeks ago, which means that the clock was going to run out quickly.

The Red Dragon leader was standing by his desk, chair awkwardly to the side in a way that implied he’d stood up quickly. He was leaning over documents with a scowl, it seemed whatever he was grappling with was not good news. A more cowardly man would’ve turned around and picked a better time to drop the bad news, but Mavado wasn’t that. He’d learned the extent of Daegon’s ill tempers, and stalling only irked him more. He didn’t keep his power by being unreasonable, he kept it by being ruthless.

“Mavado,” Daegon said, without looking up,” I can only assume if you’re here that you’ve made up your mind.” His tone was terse with an implication that he didn’t want to hear anything else. Business was business after all, and Mavado was holding it up. There wasn’t much patience for this sort of thing in the Red Dragon. They could plan for years to make moves against their enemies, but there was no tolerance for wasted time.

“Not yet,” Mavado replied as he came to stand in front of Daegon’s desk. He just caught the demigod’s gaze flicking up with mild malice before they returned to the papers on the desk. He could see that scowl deepening. It didn’t frighten him, but it did concern him. 

“How much time do you intend to waste before you’ve made a decision?” Daegon asked, letting the agitation seep into his voice to make sure it was clear he was not pleased. He started shuffling the papers he was looking at, getting them into order, no doubt to deal with them later. Finally he stood at full height, arms crossed and staring intently at the other man.

“I intend to take exactly as much time required,” Mavado said. There was no satisfactory answer and he knew that, it was unlikely anyone was going to surprise him between now and the time he ultimately had to make a choice. He knew who his people were, and there were of course a handful that would be up to the task. That wasn’t good enough for him, though. A high standard had been set, and while others could potentially perform satisfactorily, none of them could fill your shoes.

“I trust you’re not letting your feelings on the matter cloud your judgement,” Daegon said. There was a clear accusation in the words, an accusation that prickled at Mavado’s skin. He wasn’t naive enough to ever think people wouldn’t think it, even if his previous standard of excellence should’ve proved he was better than that. It was an insult to him, and honestly to you. The implication that it should’ve been easy to replace you undermined so much of the history you had in the Red Dragon, and so much of the history he shared with you. You’d both competed for his position, among others of course, but you and he had risen to the top among many of the same people trying to take your spot now. You’d been better than them then, how could they live up to you now? He told himself that it was purely based on your talent, and he even managed to convince himself of it. The implication his priorities weren’t straight was a dangerous one, and it was a quick way to wind up dead if Daegon thought he was going to put his emotions first. So he addressed it head on.

“Have I given you a reason to doubt me?” He returned the accusatory tone, but much more lightly. Didn’t want to tread on insubordination, but he did want to make it clear he wouldn’t take someone impugning his dedication sitting down. Daegon regarded him for a long moment, and it wasn’t entirely clear if it was to assess him, or if knew something Mavado didn’t. It didn’t concern him though, he knew he hadn’t behaved in a way that would call his worth into question. The only thing he could be guilty of right now was indecision.

“Not yet,” Daegon repeated Mavado’s words back to him, still maintaining the scrutinizing gaze. He didn’t expect trust, there wasn’t any trust to be had here, and yet the lack of it still frustrated him. He wasn’t a pathetic whimpering boy pining for a lost love. He was a trained assassin, a combat mined soldier capable of executing even the most ruthless orders. He had to set the record straight.

“If you want the most talented fighter I can tell you who that is. If you want the person who can keep the others in check, I can give you that name too. Or the most tactfully minded... I can keep listing qualities you want.” He managed time keep himself from sounding flippant to his immeasurable credit. The point was clear, if Daegon wanted anyone, Mavado would give him anyone. That’s not what either of them wanted though. Making an important decision of this nature was worth the time it took to make it properly. Even if he knew no one was truly deserving of it.

“You have a week, that’s it. You can spend that entire week pondering whichever random talents you’ve arbitrarily decided are the most useful, if you want. But you do need to be done with all of this by then, and I do mean all of it.” There was a threat in Daegon’s words, Mavado knew that. In fact it made him clench his teeth, and he realized that this could hang over his head for quite some time. If you were already inspiring doubt in his abilities now, would you be tossed back in his face anytime he did something Daegon didn’t explicitly approve of? That wasn’t something he could not tolerate, and that meant he could no longer be passive about your fate.

“Leave,” Daegon commanded as he went back to his work, but Mavado’s mind was already at work. He needed to find you and deal with you long before you could create new problems for him.

----

The last time he saw you, it was almost five months ago. He’d come home to find you packing the black duffel you always took on jobs. You’d stitched it back together many times, and there were stains all over it. Your lucky duffel is what you called it, and that was why you’d always refused to get a new one (or to let him buy you one). He’d never known you to be a particularly sentimental woman, so it had always been a curious thing to him that were insistent on keeping it. You would never give him a direct answer though, and instead attempted to placate him with explanations like “I’ve returned from every mission I’ve taken it on” and “things always go well when I have it.” But he knew you weren’t a believer in luck, you trusted skills and results. One of the many curious mysteries about you that he now knew he’d never get a real explanation of.

You didn’t look up at him when he entered, but you did raise a hand in a half wave that indicated you knew he was there. His hand slid around your belly when he was close enough to touch. He used just enough pressure to pull you from what you were doing, just enough to make you step back so he could have you in his arms. He rested a chin on your shoulder to look at the gear you were packing. It was the same stuff you always took with you, just the essentials to do the job. Your hand rested atop one of his, giving it a fond squeeze as he tilted his head enough to kiss your cheek and then whisper in your ear.

“Going somewhere?” He asked. Usually when you were given a mission, he was the one that gave it to you. More than that, if Daegon wanted something done, Mavado was typically aware of what was needed. Of course Daegon didn’t report on all of his actions to Mavado, so while curious this hadn’t been nearly enough to raise his suspicions. Especially considering something he would never have admitted this directly. He trusted you. That was so rare that none of his previous lovers had earned it. You’d proven your loyalty to the Red Dragon many times, and on plenty of occasions you’d also proven your loyalty to him. It was why what had previously been a playful, but tense rivalry had become something so intimate. Though remembering the days of all those competitive spar sessions turned fucking could almost always bring a smile to his face. Not that it didn’t still happen on occasion, but the context had changed considerably.

“A last minute assignment, something that requires a personal touch. You know that sort of thing well, don’t you, Mavado?” You said in your calm, confident tone. You always projected an air of being in control, regardless as to whether or not you were. It’s how you got so high ranked in the first place, nothing ever ruffled your feathers. Or at the very least, you never showed anyone if anything did. Another mystery about you, he supposed. He could never really get a handle on your honest reaction of things, you played your cards close to the vest, even during intimate moments. Perhaps especially. As he would come to discover in the next several months, he never really had a handle on you to begin with. He couldn’t even settle on if it was more likely that you’d gone to your grave for the Red Dragon, or if you’d wanted out.

“Who’s going with you?” His lips grazed against your ear, intentionally. He loved the way that made you shiver when he did it. He loved that little inhale you did that further proved the impact he had on you. There were times where he could even picture saying he loved you, especially during these hidden moments together. Everyone knew that you two had become entangled with one another, but no one really knew the extent of it. It wasn’t a secret, but it was private and that made all of it so much more special.

“I’ll be handling this solo,” you said as you finally pulled away to resume packing that ugly duffel. He let you go, and was a little taken aback by the sudden absence of you. He could still feel the warmth your provided on his skin, the last lingering sensations of you. Even though you were close, there felt a sudden distance. At the time he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“Oh don’t tell me you’re worried, that’s actually kind of cute,” you said mistaking that odd look on his face for concern. He just shook his head when he caught you looking at him with that smirk. He watched it falter, it was the only moment he’d ever seen the mask slip, and the only thing upon reflecting on this later that indicated something was amiss. Did you know then and you were saying goodbye? Or were you afraid of something and hadn’t told him?

“Are you leaving tonight?” He finally asked after a moment passed. You’d already resumed packing, and you shrugged your shoulders without looking at him. The zipper got stuck, the same way it always had before, while you were trying to close the bag. It took considerable tugging before you had it completely closed off.

“No, in the morning. I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.” You closed the gap between the two of you and placed a quick, but unusually chaste kiss on his lips. The sort of kiss you gave when you wanted it clear there would be no sex. He wouldn’t have pushed for it, lest he make you start your mission tired and on the wrong foot. Priorities were priorities, after all.

“Wake me up before you leave,” he said as you pulled away from him for the last time. You didn’t though. When he woke you were gone.

---

That particular memory had a way of resurfacing when he least wanted it to. He’d spent all day trying to avoid thinking of you, despite the constant reminders. Even returning to his room had a way of bringing something bubbling back to the surface. It’d take a month on it’s own to scrub the area of you, not that he’d ever had much in there to begin with. He had taken everything you owned, put it in a box, and hid it in his closet, where it stayed to this day. He should’ve gotten rid of it, in fact on days like this he considered quite heavily the pleasures of destroying it and the memories that it inspired. Still he hadn’t. He wasn’t sure what he would wish he’d done with the box after he finally found out what happened to you. If he ever found out.

He’d returned to his room a few hours ago, and had given up on more useful ways to spend his time. Instead he pulled the box out of the closet and had been rifling through it, which led to his final memory of you. There were others of course. He found the patronizing ribbon with the words “second place” he’d written, he’d given it to you after he’d finally bested you and taken on his role as second in command. A cruel gift it would seem to most, but the competitive nature between the two of you had never been personal. If anything, it had only brought you together. It was less a put down and more a way to egg you on, and it had worked. You did everything you could to prove Daegon had made the wrong choice with Mavado, even he did as much to prove he was the right choice.

This wistful nostalgia, pleasant seeming as it was, just made his head start to hurt. All it did was prove his own sentimentality, and make it clear Daegon was right to be concerned. That just irritated him, it irritated him more than anything else did. Even when you weren’t here you could provoke a reaction. He slammed the box back into the closet hard enough that it hit the wall with a thud loud enough that someone would hear it. He even gave it a kick for good measure, then another. Before that energy spurred by the festering rage could demand more, he slammed the closet door shut. 

A sharp knock on the door jarred him from his thoughts of frustration. He debated briefly ignoring it, but with his worsening mood and inability to get you off his mind, a distraction was more welcome than it would normally be. By the time the second, more insistent knock came he was already by the door. He tried to shelve some of the irritation that had been brewing all day before he opened it, wondering what brave fuck was going to bang on his door and demand him to quite down. He didn’t look any less harsh when he finally did though. Behind the door was a woman whose name was on his short list to potentially take your place: Kassia. A tall, grim looking woman, who he’d yet to see express a single emotion. She stood a manilla folder tucked under her arm, he could see some pages sticking out but not what was on them. The folder was bent, and the edges curling, whatever was in it she’d been working on for quite some time. That agitation began to grow again, he was almost certain that she was here to weasel her way into your job.

“Yes?” He asked, making it as clear as he could that he didn’t want to be bothered with her. It impacted her the way everything else did, not at all, she stood wearing the same unmovable expression. 

“I have something for you,” she said and held up the folder. He managed to fight the urge to yank it from her and slam the door. She kept it just far enough that it was clear she wanted a conversation before she handed it over. 

“And that would be?” He asked. Whatever she had, it was clear she thought it was important enough to risk his anger.

“I’ve completed the task you assigned me,” she said simply. He stared back at her blankly. He didn’t routinely assign her anything directly, certainly nothing that would require her to be bothering him right now.

“The one from about five months ago,” she clarified at his expression. His pulse quickened as realization cleared his mind, she was talking about you. After you disappeared he’d put several people on the job to find you. Everyone more or less gave up a couple months ago, though he’d never officially called anyone off the hunt.There was a strange mix of growing agitation and anticipation that was reaching a boiling point.

“May I come in?” At her question, he moved to the side to let her in, his eyes now unable to leave that dingy old folder in her fingers. The frustration reached a peak and he lashed out as the door closed behind him, With a well trained ease he grabbed her arm with a bruising grip and yanked her close enough to whisper threateningly in her ear. He tightened his grip further when she didn’t dignify him with a yelp.

“I suppose you think you can leverage this to get something in your favor,”  his voice was low and dangerous. You would not be used against him, not even for something as petty as a promotion. To her credit though, she didn’t seem phased, though he knew from how much quicker her breathing was he had impacted her. She didn’t fight back, or shove him away. Instead she heaved a sigh, though it was hard to tell if it was out of some mild irritation or to calm her breathing. She held up the folder.

“No, you assigned me this job and I’m reporting back to you, the same way I do with all my missions and tasks,” she looked at him directly in the face when she said it too. He narrowed his eyes, but took the information from her hand and let her go. There was no hesitation, he yanked the pages free as soon as he had it. The first thing he saw was you, or rather a picture of you. Your hair was cut and colored, you were dressed like he’d never seen you do so before, but it was you. There was no mistaking it. The folder dropped to the floor, then the picture, and shortly after the next one with a better angle on your face. Page after page he looked at and let fall. It was all there, your location, that you’d bought a little dojo in the suburbs and were teaching kids martial arts, he even had the new name you used in his hands. He hadn’t even realized how tense his muscles felt until they started relaxing. Relaxing didn’t feel like the right word, it felt like they were giving up on him. There was a strange numbness he felt that he hadn’t since he was young. 

“Have you taken this to Daegon?” He asked and from the corner of his eye he could see her rubbing her arm where he’d grabbed her. Her gaze flicked over to him as he finally looked back to her. He didn’t look mad anymore, he knew that. He could feel how slack his face was now that he was confronted with the reality of you. His mind was quiet, more so than it had been all day. Was he right earlier when he thought he might prefer you dead? Or would that have been even more of a challenge to swallow than this. 

“Should I have? I thought you were the one I was reporting to on this.” The problem with Kassia was that it was impossible to read her motives, she definitely kept after this hoping it would help her in the long run. Whether or not she would use this against him in the future was another matter, granted that was a stupid thing to think. This was the Red Dragon, everything that didn’t break any explicit rules was fair game. She wouldn’t be on the shortlist if she didn’t know that. 

“You know other people are looking for this information,” he said as he bent down to pick the picture of you back up. He folded it before tucking it away in his pocket. Normally he’d be more careful in a conversation like this, these sorts of things could be chess matches in their own way. He wasn’t in the mood for a game at the moment though. His brain was still a mess about dealing with realizations sinking in one after another. You leaving meant things. A lot of things, and not all of them were yet clear to him.

“That’s their business, unless you tell me to turn it over, it will remain that way,” she replied in that same even tone. At least he could rely on her to keep her own interests at heart, so as long as he was someone she needed, he could trust her motives. Besides, she was already up for your spot anyway, it didn’t matter to him if she or anyone else got it. Fine, she could have the promotion. He had other things to deal with. Not that he would shower her with the good news like a person petting a dog on the head for bringing in the paper. He needed her silence at least until he could get a handle on how he was to proceed from here.

“Good,” he said in a distracted tone, “you’ve done well.” He was already moved on from the conversation, there were many things he needed to consider. The most important of which was what to do with you, at the very least he was finally making up his mind about what to do with your things.

“Thank you, I’ll leave you to your work. You’re no doubt a busy man, Mavado.” She didn’t linger, she already had the door open when she said it. He only made sure it was shut when she was gone. He felt his face twitch as an unpleasant feeling settled in his stomach. So you’d just ran away. Left this world behind. Left him behind. He sat on the bed, looking at the pile left on the floor. One of your pictures was face up, though you were looking off into the distance in it he could see that you were smiling. Whatever it was you were smiling at had not made it into the picture. He ran a hand over his face and then remembered he had a week to deal with it. All of it.

That energy was back in his limbs, and before he realized he’d even gotten up he was throwing his own bag on the bed where yours had been months before. He could deal with this in a week, one way or another. He knew where you were and he knew how much of a risk you were given that you clearly didn’t have any loyalty to the Red Dragon. Was he going to kill you? He didn’t know yet, honestly didn’t care yet. He could make that decision on the way to find you. Or after he got to have a long conversation he was very fucking much owed by you. You’d fucked it all up. The two of you had a good thing going here, you were high ranked and had a position of power, money was never an issue. And you had him. Not even in that bullshit sentimental way, in the way that he very much had given you just about everything you could’ve wanted. That wasn’t enough? What more could you have wanted?

It didn’t matter, or at least he told himself that as he shoved his clothes into his duffel without any concern for folding. It didn’t matter because this situation was going to be resolved soon, one way or another. He’d deal with you, come back, give Daegon the good news all around and close this chapter forever. He ignored the pain in his chest as he grabbed his toiletries, pretending he didn’t recognize that hideous ache of rejection and an ended relationship. He had a week. He had to be done with all this by then. He took a deep breath as he started to zip the bag and reminded himself that was a good thing. Just seven days and this was behind him. There were many things to distract himself with once he was done, work, training, sex. He could replace you in all three of those ways. The pain in his chest was still there, but it was easier to ignore for now.

[thewriterlyowl]

Thoughts on ToG

 OK, so @nickjgoodsell asked me why I don’t like this series anymore, and I promised I would write a post because how I feel about it is pretty complicated. I used to wholeheartedly love this series - I read Sarah’s blog religiously and even met her a couple of times (I think, I don’t remember, but it was at least once). However, some time after I read QoS, I stopped liking these books, for a multitude of reasons:

So basically, I thought that ToG was just OK. I liked Celaena well enough even though I didn’t think much of her assassin skills, but I liked the mystery parts. Nehemia and Dorian were my favourites, but I though Chaol was kind of dull, but I didn’t like Celaena with Dorian because it kind of felt like she was stringing him along and looked down on him throughout the first book and the second.

I thought CoM was way, way better - at first, which I’ll get into - because I thought the writing and plot was better, and the world was opening up. But I hated the way Chaol and Celaena treated Dorian, and I was devastated that Nehemia died because 1) Badass, magical, female character of colour that tricked all the other people into thinking she was an idiot while secretly spying on them and she’s the one who died? 2) Dorian/Nehemia would have been far superior to those other two. Imagine if they had killed King Haviliard and then just went around restoring magic and looking fine af.

But, whatever, I was intrigued enough to read the next too, and I loved HoF.  Before I read that I read TAB, which I thought was a brilliant way to explore Celaena’s backstory. When I read QoS, I was still excited about it - or so I thought. When EoS came out, I read the first couple of pages and was inexplicably bored. Whatever. I thought maybe it was exam stress preventing me from concentrating. But then over the next few months it kept happening, until suddenly ToD was coming out and I still hadn’t finished it. Then KoA came out and I still hadn’t read it, so I decided to reread QoS again so that I could sail smoothly back into it. So I did. And then I realised that even though I thought I’d enjoyed QoS, rereading it made me realise that something in that book killed all my desire to read the next one. Which I will explain when I outline my reasons in detail:

1) Story

OK so remember when you read Prisoner of Azkaban, and Sirius turns out not to be a fink and the whole mystery surrounding the Potters’ deaths gets turned on its head and you realised that JK Rowling was a genius who put her all into her story? I originally thought that about Sarah, because you could see that she was thinking about her story from the very first story in TAB (obviously because she wrote this story when she was sixteen and then split it). From TAB to HOF, I could clearly see that she was building Celaena/Aelin into an epic hero/Chosen One, who had to go on this quest of discovery and accepting her past mistakes, before picking up allies and defeating the evil whatever it was. Right?

Except, when you get to QoS, it’s like the entire thing gets derailed. Arobynn Hamel, after being built up to me one of Celaena’s most complicated adversaries, is dispatched offscreen by a character that we’re not even introduced to in the main series (Lysandra). Instead of a clear goal and obstacles that derail them, the story is just a series of plans that Celaena/Aelin is keeping us in the dark about, so we don’t know until she’s won. The sense that we’re building to something is kind of lost, because we pick up new objectives every few chapters. What felt like an epic journey sort of tapered off into a bunch of scenes where everyone was up against it...until Celaena revealed that she’d been planning this all along.

Also, the retcons that apparently happened. Elena sent Aelin to Rowan for “happiness”. Maeve tricked Rowan into thinking Lyria being his mate because reasons. Elena and the gods have been manipulating everything because they had a spat a few hundred years ago.

I think that the reveal that Celaena was Aelin was planned from the beginning, but I think QoS was almost the start of a new series - and not just because of the name change. It’s like she just took the story in a completely different direction. I remember in an interview Sarah mentioned that she likes to see where the story takes her as opposed to planning, and even though I still haven’t read past EoS, what I’ve heard, the story ended up in a completely different place than where it was going.

2) Characters

Like I said, there was no one I hated - at first. In fact, by the time HoF was over, I was loving all the characters. I thought Sarah had rendered them so well that I couldn’t wait for all the different personalities to meet and all the banter that would ensue when they all realised they were working at cross purposes.

But then QoS happened.

Celaena, who underwent some incredible character development in HoF, turned into an absolutely horrible character in QoS. She was arrogant, violent, impatient, cruel, and selfish - with none of the redeeming qualities.  She detested her old self even though that self got her where she is today. She treated her so-called allies like idiots or like downright enemies. She threatened to kill everyone who didn’t agree with her.

Rowan, who went from a misanthropic douche to loyal friend to Celaena, spent QoS completely obsessed with her and with growling at every man (sorry, male) who gets within spitting distance of her. I hear he got worse.

Chaol went from a well-meaning if not naive guy who loved his friends to an unrelenting douche who argued with Celaena for reasons, and then apparently disappeared.

I’m not even going to talk about what happened to Dorian and Manon.

And therein lies the reason I didn’t want to read EoS - because QoS had effectively made me hate all the characters. Not only that, but it starts with Celaena hanging out with Rowan, Aedion, Lysandra and Evangeline - four characters who were only introduced the book before, and who spent so long either basking in their own brilliance or being territorial over Celaena that they never got to form meaningful bonds with any of the characters that we did know before then. I couldn’t get through the first chapter because I literally couldn’t give a shit about a bunch of people I just met.

And then there’s the Chaolaena thing. I didn’t particularly care for them one way or another. I thought they were a well-written and well-matched couple, but I personally found Dorian way more interesting. And they were written like they were destined to be together. Even when they were talking about the fact that Celaena might not pick him when she became Aelin, there was none of the vicious antagonism in their relationship when they met again. OK, I expected her to be mad at Chaol for leaving Dorian, but to drag it out so long? And every other argument they had was artificially lengthened to justify them never getting back together so she was free to get with Rowan, where the two people from the last book would have worked it out like adults.

And this takes us right back to the retcon thing. I specifically remember an interview right before QoS came out where I noticed that Sarah was talking about Rowan a lot. So much so that he almost felt like a deuteragonist. When I read the book, I realised it was because she’d decided to torpedo Celaena/Chaol in favour of Rowan/Aelin - which I have no problem with. I just wish it had been done with more grace. Aelin and Rowan went from having a great platonic bond to suddenly wanting to rip each other’s clothes of whenever they saw each other. Aelin went from accepting that Chaol and her were over to wanting to kill him whenever she saw him. Rowan basically wanted to lick her whenever they shared a room, and turned into a giant baby when another guy got near her. The emphasis that their platonic bond was given was traded for them lusting after each other like horny teenagers.

3) Writing

Look, I’m just going to say it - QoS felt like fanfiction. There was just an abundance of similes and metaphors, and her writing got to be so overblown and dramatic that it was eyeroll-inducing to read. But that’s not even the worst of it.

I read ACOTAR when it came out. I liked it, but I really hate Fae/Faeries, so I wasn’t going to continue. Then when I read QoS I realised that all the guys in that and all the guys in ACOTAR are essentially the same character - territorial Fae males who constantly thought about the main female character, sex, or sex with the main female character. Aedion and Rowan were the same character in different colours. And all the girls were the same too - badass but vulnerable and always ready with a snarky comment. The similarities between the two were just too much.

Then there’s the actual structure of the book - like I said, it felt like fanfiction, and like a series of events strung together rather than a book. There wasn’t really any clear structure to speak of, which is why it felt so odd. There was no clear goal at the beginning, so there was no inciting incident, no first plot point etc. It felt like set up for the next book.

And finally, the style. HoF, QoS, and the little chapter of EoS are all completely different. One of the opening chapters has s Fae warrior (I forget which one and also I don’t care) trying to figure out whether a girl with big breasts is a virgin. I think it’s supposed it’s supposed to sound like high fantasy like GRRM, but it just sounds predatory and weird.

There’s actually way more that I now dislike about this series, but I’ve spent too much time on it. I’ll always love the first four (I include TAB) and parts of QoS (”Witchkiller is still the best thing ever), but I’ll never finish it.