#enea rambles <3

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Im sorry but the fucking brainrot of chuuya nakahara will not stop so I need to share my fucking vision.

Chuuya Nakahara, who's joints lock up and who has severe chronic pain, who wears gold rimmed reading glasses with little gold chains to help hold them when he's outside the mafia (and thus not wearing contacts to hide his blue-brown eyes), Chuuya who has summer freckles that come out from the sun, who has a wheelchair, cane and service dog respectively just in case that he can never use while on duty, who has heart problems thanks to stress and a god in his body, who has a small clinic outside of Yokohama that knows him by name.

Chuuya Nakahara who, when he figured out that this was happening to him, had a full mental breakdown over being unable to fight properly, and thus not being useful, who then pulled away from Dazai, who never managed to push the right buttons to get him to spill what was happening, leading Dazai to leave the Mafia thinking Chuuya hated him.

Chuuya who then, thanks to this "confirmation" that he wasn't usefull anymore, even if Dazai didn't know, leading him to not open up about this to any other mafia member, with only Mori knowing, and keeping the details even from him.

Dazai who, when in the middle of a case for the ADA, suddenly sees Chuuya rolling down the sidewalk with his wheelchair, freckles and mismatched eyes on full display with his service dog beside him, having his world completely turned on its heal as he falls in love with the same man a second time while simultaneously putting down the pieces that led to his complete misunderstanding of what'd happened between the two years before.

Please tell me there are others who see my vision because this shit is fucking haunting me rn.

[gresiniracing]

gotta go uni shopping so byebye bikes

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Mmm should I go back to writing my ranpoe fic. Should I. Do that.

[softmeetscreatureplz]

ALRIGHT. HERES ANLITTLE EXCERPT FROM A ONESHOT I NEVER FINISHED!!!!

FOR @bsd-disability-week-2024 DISABILITY BSD WEEK (DAY 1: PHYSICAL DISABILITY) - Chuuya Nakahara with Chronic Pain!!!!

(Edit; Yes I just remembered Chronic illness is technically also a day. I will either post another thing or swap them for what I post shhh)

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Chuuya had first started dealing with- this, a long time ago. Before he'd met Dazai, before he'd even escaped the lab.

The aching, shooting jolts of pain, that spread from his fingertips up his arms, and ate away at his lowered back. When he'd been younger, it'd terrified him. The amount of pain- striking at random seeming, going from dull, easily ignorable things to something that left him in tears and unable to move properly.

He'd ended up filled with experimental drugs from the scientists- handlers there- and for the most part it disappeared.

Then Chuuya had gotten out- living on the streets alone before being found by sheep. For the most part, the pain became dull. Something tiring, that stung every once in awhile, but manageable. He ignored it, keeping his hands hidden and warm in his pockets and protecting his back well in fights. The careful control kept the pain at bay somehow, and helped keep himself in control of Arahabaki.

Until he was fifteen. He met an asshole of a guy- Dazai Osamu. And, he fucking sucked. He was rude, lazy, worked for the PM, annoyed Chuuya, insulted his height, and didn't know how to shut up.

Chuuya hated him. With an absolute, burning passion.

Any sort of fondness there he blamed on his exceedingly poor taste in men. Nothing serious. Nope.

But, then they were working together; and Chuuya took his hands out of his pockets, and they worked together to beat Rimbaud. Dazais hands were warm- and his grip added pressure and Chuuya tried very very hard not to let on how relieved he was that he wasn't worse.

Joining the Port Mafia was- weird.

Weird and different as strange. He got gloves, which meant he didn't have a real reason to keep his hands in his pockets.

He did it anyway.

His hands ached dully, and trying to do both his and Dazais paperwork almost made him want to say fuck it and spree, his back and hands flaring up. He pushed through it, using the fact that Dazai and the others knew he hadn't received a real education to let himself be a bit more messy.

He still didn't tell anyone. He was fairly sure Ane-san had caught onto the fact that something was up, the way he sometimes shied away from picking up his tea and hid his hands more than usual when they met up. She didn't press.

Chuuya still didn't know what was happening other than this, but the more he tried to hide it the more sure he was that no one else here felt the same. He refused to be weak and let it get to him.

Storm bringer- happened. He got electrocuted, and beaten in a fight, and used Corruption. His friends died. He wasn't human.

When they got home, Chuuya hid himself away in his apartment. His arms felt like they were on fire, still being electrocuted. His back screamed at him, aching and stabbing, and he was exhausted. He didn't know how to do this. The redhead lay in bed for ages, pained and mourning. It felt like he had aged years in that time.

The silent tears on his pillows were left unnoticed, and forgotten.

No one tried to disturb him. His phone was left abandoned, the buttons too much to handle.

Eventually, his pain eased. Worse than the dull ache it had been, but manageable. He'd been gone too long anyways. He forced himself up. Chuuya was starting to hate this, just a little bit.

If he had to be not human, why did he have to get a body that hurt too?

[softmeetscreatureplz]

CAN WE TALK ABT THE FACT THAY CHUUYAS FIRST INSTINCT WHEN TALKING TO DAZAI AT THE START WAS TO CALL HIM KID & KIDDO DESPITE THE FACT THAT DAZAI WAS TALLER THAN HIM, CLEARLY CAPABLE, & THE SAME AGE- AND HOW THIS MIGHT RELATE TO CHUUYAS EXPERIENCE IN THE SHEEP AS THE MAIN PROTECTOR AND POSSIBLELY ENDED UP BEING A BIT OF AN OLDER BROTHER/PARENTAL FIGURE TO SOME OF THEM DESPITE THE FACT HE WAS SO YOUNG -

[softmeetscreatureplz]

The moon over the field from tonight :)

[softmeetscreatureplz]

DID DPD Chuuya x Bipolar autistic Dazai??????? Anyone????????

[softmeetscreatureplz]

MMMKAY FUCK IT BEING MORE OPEN ON THIS BLOG LETS FUCKING TRY THIS IG?!??

Anyways also fun thing I've been fucking wanting to tell ppl like. For awhileee is that one if the things I love abt kamojis is that there r several just stimming ones like this pic

Voila:

((o(^∇^)o))

(((o(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)o)))

((o(￣ー￣)o))

Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

o(>∀<*)o

(There r more I can't remeber now but. Yeah.)

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Okay fuck it more Chuuya brainrot ideas of mine because fucking hell I cannot think around this shit

Chuuya Nakahara is host to a god, there is a god inhabiting his body 24/7, who can (most likely) see and hear whatever Chuuya can, right?

It's a known thing in religions that swearing a vow in front of a god is how it's taken seriously, and especially in the past when people would swear alligances, servitude, or loyalties, that doing so in front of a god was a way to be taken 100% seriously for life, and that making vow(s) like that were also for life unless specified otherwise.

Now picture this with me, please.

Chuuya Nakahara, finding the sheep while living on the streets- they take him in and help him, and in his gratitude, he promises to protect and take care of them forever. Little does he know, that he signs his fucking soul away like this, because the sheep don't know what he's saying- vowing really-, and Chuuya doesn't quite realize either.

Then, he meets Dazai. And Dazai is annoying and he hates him but he's also a weird guy and seems like he might be a bit fun to mess with, so he decides to follow the bastard.

Flash forward a bit; they're at the arcade and Chuuya makes a stupid- stupid bet.

And he loses.

Now, again, at this point in time, there are quite a few factors. Dazai is the newer vow, and despite what it seems like, doesn't actually order him around much at all, despite his teasing. Not only that, but Chuuyas promises are fundamentally differnt in wording; one to protect and help, the other to "serve and be a dog."

In any case, Chuuya keeps more of his free will, as a servent and protector. He keeps the sheep safe, and ignores his growing bond with the mafia boy.

Then the sheep betray him.

Chuuya is left with his active vow, the final if unsaid order, to die.

He pulls the knife out of his side, and gets ready for death- but that's not what happens.

No, instead, along comes Dazai, who reminds him of their bet and, however intentionally, reclaims that part of Chuuya that had given in to death.

Then he brings Chuuya to the Port Mafia, and Chuuya swears his loyalty again- this time to Mori.

Once again, he's safer now, because he has two people with control over him, except now he's starting to catch on.

Not only that, but Mori has suspicions as well.

Flash forward again; Dazai leaves the PM.

The worst thing he could have done to Chuuya- Dazai thought he was doing Chuuya a favor by not making him choose between loyalties; sure in his heart that if Chuuya wanted to leave he wouldn't care about the consequences and would just follow Dazai.

Instead, he dooms Chuuya to a life filled by orders solely from Mori and the PM.

If it wasn't for Chuuyas steadfast denials, the very bond of servitude would have been long dissolved as a result of Dazais action(s).

And Dazai never actually knowing this, that he is the reason Chuuya is alive and also still stuck in the PM.

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Okay. First art thing I'm gonna post below the cut bcs it is also the one I am most proud of, have been holding onto the longest, and am most anxious abt lol (thought abt making it my pfp for a little while even-)

My god tumblr fucks quality over so bad jfc TvT

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Nature pictures from my mini road trip on Saturday :]

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Mmm.

I. Am possibly an adrenaline junkie.

I'm unrelated news I've been reminded that fair rides exist and am now SO upset because everyone in my family doesn't like going on crazy fair rides. But I feel so embarrassed doing them alone.

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Some pictures from a walk earlier today!

[softmeetscreatureplz]

More pictures from the Sunday trip; featuring animals!

[softmeetscreatureplz]

Blip blep bloop skk doodles (I've been working on figuring out how I like to draw then and the things turned out pretty good-)

(Made more just forgot 2 take pictures apparently TvT. Also drawing Chuuya in makeup nd with curly as fuck hair is my new favourite :3)

[softmeetscreatureplz]

[*happy giggles noises*]