#entire generation group calls him uncle. like that's insane to me in the best possible way

[realbacchus]

My favorite type of family members are just those random friends who get claimed by someone and then stick around long enough to be considered children, siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents....

[chaoticevilbean]

So, there’s this whole Youtuber Atla Au, and I have Stuff stuck in my Head. This is Sokka-centric bc thassa me.

Here Goes:

- Sokka has a mixed channel. He does educational videos, how-to videos, political videos, stories about him and his weird friends, dancing and singing videos, makeup videos, parkour videos, etc. He’s a very well known account.

- He uses fake names/obscure nicknames/code names for anyone he mentions. Anyone featured in his videos either wears a mask/facepaint or allows him to say their real name. He uses only they/them pronouns unless the person is with him and has given him other pronouns to call them by.

- He has never mentioned his name, refuses to be called Boomerang despite someone suggesting it because “that’s a disrespect to boomerangs, please don’t”, and he responds to commenters asking for his name with “;)”, “:)”, and “...”

- People only know he’s a male because he put that in his first video

- Sokka always wears facepaint in his videos, and absolutely no one recognizes him. He is unidentifiable. His continuous need to wear contact lenses and wigs of varying styles and colors also messes with people. No one can figure out what Nation he’s from (there are all four in this AU).

- Sokka has seven different facepaint styles he’ll wear.

- - Earth Kingdom is just Kyoshi Warrior facepaint. Someone attempted to drag him for disrespecting a elite warrior and all-female team. The Official Kyoshi Warrior account responded with this and only this: “Back off, he’s ours.”

- - Southern Water Tribe is based off their traditional warrior paint and La. Northern Water Tribe is based off of Tui and wolves.

- - Air Nomads is brown and blue arrows and flying lemur markings around his eyes.

- - Fire Nation is based off of Agni and the Painted Lady. It’s simple with red and yellow markings, and the accents will either be black (if he’s talking about something funny), blue (if he’s talking about something weird), or white (if he’s talking about something cool). People had to figure out those meanings themselves.

- - The Spirit World is based off of Hei Bai and Wan Shi Tong, a black, white, and grey style.

- - The blended one is cut into six sections. Fire and Air are the top two, taking up his forehead and creeping into his hairline. Water and Earth are on the bottom, bleeding down his neck. The Spirit World and nonbending sections are on his eyes. For those, he does fox markings on both sides, and the Spirit side is colorful like many of the minor Spirits are (bugs and birds and others). The nonbending side has normal fox colors, and the edges of all sections are blended together.

- - Each mask has a different meaning, which wasn’t figured out until later. If something is about a story, then it will be Fire Nation or Water Tribe. If the story includes strangers, then it will be Fire Nation, but if it’s mostly his pre-established friends, then he’ll have Water Tribe. Any sort of performance is Earth Kingdom, unless he’s doing it with someone else, which is when he wears his blended one. If the video is instructing in any way, it’s Air Nomad. If it’s a political video, he will always have his Spirit facepaint on.

- Most people assume he’s Air Nation because he seems nomadic. He’s constantly talking about new friends, his backgrounds change every video and he speaks all the languages one could possibly learn.

- As a Note, there are all four Nations. They all have different languages. There are formal and informal of each language (or common and high-speak). There is also the General Common, which is the language basically everyone knows so they can communicate with other nationalities. Air Nomads have many different slangs depending on where the nomads are from, but only one central language. They don’t have formal or informal.

- Sokka’s most viral video is called Secret Tunnel. He met some nomads and they taught him to use their instruments at an amateur level. He then asked if they wanted to record a video with him. They said yes, so he recorded them singing and dancing to the song, and he joined in on guitar (or whatever the stringed instrument is called in that episode). The video ‘solidified’ that Sokka was from the Air Nomads.

- Things people know about the channel and the Friends (called ‘Boomeraang’, though no one seems able to figure out why - most pass it off as a typo, but true fans know Sokka pays too much attention to his work and his boomerang)

- - Lady is either related to Sokka or as close as a sibling. They’re a master waterbender and extreme activist. They’re constantly starting rebellions and protests and getting into trouble through that. They have once impersonated a Spirit in order to get rid of a corrupt company that was polluting a river and then got the nearby fishing town to work together to clean said river. Lady got their education in waterbending after beating “an old coot in battle, didn’t have much to learn but Lady needed ‘finesse’ or something.”

- - Kuzon is Lady’s SO. They were friends first, SO’s second, and Sokka had to endure the pining. Kuzon acts older than they look, and uses extremely outdated slang. A video with Kuzon in the background as Sokka told a story confirmed the fact when Sokka asked “What did you say to Bluey?” “Flameo, Hotman!” It is assumed that Kuzon is a bender, but no one knows which type. Kuzon once threw a raging party because his school was really strict. The entire student body was invited and the cops were called, but no one got in trouble because they weren’t breaking any laws.

- - Bluey is either a nonbender or a firebender. Sokka’s stories are unclear on that, but one thing is clear: Bluey is a vigilante. And works in a tea shop. And holds some sort of position of power somewhere. It varies from “Bluey stopped a drug ring this month” to “Bluey’s uncle told them they can’t work the night shift because they haven’t slept” to “Bluey just passed a rule saying no drinks during meetings. They’re just mad that I kept slurping my cactus juice.”

- - Bandit is an actual criminal, but also holds some position of power. They are blind, maybe, and an earthbender. Apparently the greatest earthbender in the world, but that could also be Rocky. Bandit scams scammers, usually ones on the street that can’t call the police because they’re also criminals. They’ve made a lot of money that way, and Bandit uses the funds for a combination of food and taking Sokka shopping since he helps them. Bandit also fought in an underground earthbending tournament and won the title every time. Sokka says that the reason behind Bandit even going there was that their family was awful and somehow thought they were fragile, so they learned how to ditch their escort and vent their frustration via illegal fighting ring.

- - Rocky is a king. And insane. And friends with Kuzon and some old people. Nothing else is known, besides they’re a bender.

- - Bison. Is maybe an actual bison. Is Kuzon’s best friend and they’re constantly kissing everyone and messing around with Lemur. Lemur is flighty and loyal and like lychee nuts. Not much else is told, but they’re in many stories and the wording is weird enough that no one can tell if they’re animals or humans.

- - Wheaty was a real jerk when they all first met, and the group all left on bad terms. However, when they met back up, Wheaty was much nicer and was trying to be better than they originally were. They had to go to therapy to help with anger issues and were recovering well when the group reunited. Gurl (Sokka makes sure to spell it out for the viewers) is one of Wheaty’s best friends, having been there for the other through everything. Yuyan was in a similar boat, and was usually the ‘voice’ (Sokka would laugh at that, before continuing as if he hadn’t) of reason. The trio were all very nice and helpful, and had some other friends that Sokka met and hit it off with. Mini-Me was someone who was smol and idolized Sokka. Big Man always traveled with Mini-Me, but never once stopped them from following Sokka around.

- - Warrior is a nonbender and is the one who taught Sokka to fight with fans. They also educated him on toxic masculinity, getting rid of the sexism ingrained in him (*note, in this AU, Sokka wasn’t as sexist, due to being exposed to a few more people and the internet, and therefore finding more female idols. Suki helped him stopped what was left, because he still struggled and wanted to be better). Warrior is about 30% of Sokka’s impulse control, which is still a large chunk considering how many impulses he has. They have been in a few videos wearing an entire robe and mask get-up, and spoke once (1) when they told Sokka that Knife and Ballerina were head over. It was the middle of a video about how to fight with fans.

- - Princess, Knife, and Ballerina were a trio that could rule the world. Princess probably would’ve turned out awful if they hadn’t left home with their uncle. Knife hated any sort of protocol, but never seemed to show emotion. Both they and Yuyan were people that had to be observed to understand their emotions at any one point. Ballerina was happy, a gymnast, a yoga instructor, and a nonbender. It is assumed that Knife is a nonbender who uses only knives and Princess is a master firebender, but there is speculation.

- - Roller and Pusher were best friends. Roller was in a wheelchair and Pusher always pushed them. Roller was incredibly intelligent and often helped Sokka with inventions, while Pusher was a skilled earthbender who used more finesse than most.

- - The Moon is mentioned once and never again, and everyone wonders why he mentioned them in the first place (when discussing what he’d done while Lady battle for her education “I hung out with The Moon”).

- - Most likely to appear in a video are Roller, Pusher, Bandit, and Gurl, all in masks. Bandit’s they can’t possibly see through, but they walk like everything’s normal.

- - Most likely to be off-screen in a video are Kuzon, Bluey, and Lady.

- - Most likely to be mentioned in a video are Kuzon, Bandit, Bluey, Lady, and Warrior.

- Things that are known about Sokka:

- - He learned Earth Kingdom formal from Bandit and informal from a combination of Friends and observation. He learned Fire Nation formal from Bluey’s uncle and Bluey occasionally slipping into it and informal from Kuzon and some colonists he met. He learned the dialects of the Southern and Northern Water Tribes from The Moon, Lady, and Lady’s family. He learned Air Nomad from a variety of monks and people like Chong and Lily.

- - His parkour skills come from a combination of his Friends’ illegal activities, chaotic antics, and just a dash of bad luck.

- - He learned fighting from practically everyone he’d met, and observing them or having them teach him. He hadn’t actually wanted to learn to fight with fans or knives, but Warrior and Knife had taken one look at him and told him he had to or else. In fact, the only weapons he wanted to learn to use were a sword, a club, and his boomerang. He learned the first from Rainbow Father, the second from Bi Father, and the third was self-taught. Everything else, he posted videos as he learned new skills, and also told the varying stories of how he was coerced into being taught. For example, Ballerina insisted on teaching him chi blocking, a very obscure form of fighting, and would randomly use it on him until he agreed. They always undid what they blocked immediately after, but it was still annoying to randomly lose use of both arms.

- - Sokka’s Boomerang is deadly in his hands. He does not know this. During a livestream, Gurl snuck in after causing a distraction outside of the room he was in and read it off someone’s comment. They informed the viewers to never bring it up because Sokka didn’t know and if he underestimated his Boomerang, than everyone he used it against would, too. And that led to hilarious situations.

- - Sokka is a genius and inventor who has several patents. However, no one can find him through them, mostly because he didn’t want any attention when he put the items out into the open. He invented submarines and airships (people had no use for them before, but found they were incredibly useful when Sokka got everything patented and got a sponsor). He also invented cactus juice, which is as mentally impairing as alcohol with none of the lasting physical effects. Bandit loved that one.

- - Sokka has seemingly been everywhere. He’s mentioned meeting the Spirits Hei Bai, Wan Shi Tong, and the Moon and Ocean Spirits in passing. (*while wearing the Spirit facepaint* “I mean, I get that the Spirit World seems great and all, but I’ve been there. Not that exciting. Met Hei Bai and had to be rescued. Don’t see the appeal. And there isn’t a single bathroom there.”)

- - Can dance pretty average, but knows a lot of different styles because of various Friends. Can also sing and whistle well, and usually hums Secret Tunnel while doing parkour. Most of his music videos include other people, minus a few where he was asked to demonstrate his instrumental skills. He, again, is average and only knows the different instruments because people decided he should learn.

- - He is amazing at makeup. Every person he brings in to do (mostly people who aren’t seen again on the videos) leaves with stunning work done.

- - He can draw and paint, but he didn’t start off good. He started doing instructional videos based off articles and lessons he found. His viewers learned with him, and he’s improved greatly. He’s also prone to adding random rainbows to his landscapes, even in the black and white ones (it starts a trend of usually colorful things done in black and white, or in a way that’s more appealing to colorblind people).

- - Sokka wants to get rid of patriarchal societies and old men with problems. He fully supports his Friends’ protests and rebellions, and is likely to have cohesive arguments backed up with verifiable evidence and trustworthy sources.

- - He loves terrible jokes, and knows they’re terrible, but that’s the point.

- - He’s theorized to be in a position of power because once King Kuei and his bear Bosco walked on-screen from behind (Sokka was at a park and had his Earth Kingdom facepaint, so he definitely wasn’t expecting anyone to come), spotted Sokka and looked absolutely delighted, came straight over and hugged the boy from behind while he was explaining a move with a club. King Kuei said nothing, just hugged him until it was returned, let go, and waved goodbye. Bosco did a similar thing before following his owner. Sokka just continued the video as if nothing had happened, so it seems that he’s used to being around heckin’ royalty.

- Boomeraang gets a lot of hype and Sokka does sell merch and earn money, but only sells what is specifically requested. Someone requests he make t-shirts with his channels logo on it, he starts selling them, and doesn’t stop until there aren’t any more demands. Spoiler, there’s always demands. He tries to tell them he doesn’t want to take their money, but he almost had a riot when he suggested not selling anything anymore because he felt bad.

- The Gaang knows about the channel and talk about it a lot. Sokka had planned to keep it small, anonymous, and just have fun with his catch-all videos. He’s 2/3 at this point.

- Katara has her own activist channel, and considered making a second as the Painted Lady and use Sokka’s rep to eventually boost her, but decided against it. Her channel is called ‘Freedom Water’, based on the fact that water is the element of change. She has a moderate following.

- Toph has her own channel as well, which consists of Sokka holding the camera for her and videotaping her as she performs complex earthbending. She calls her channel ‘roc’. Her following is mostly other earthbenders who aren’t too proud to learn from a preteen, and other kids who think she’s cool. She also has a channel called ‘Bandit’, which is just her in the mask she wears for Boomeraang, telling all about different ways she’s scammed scammers, occasionally also showing videos of those instances. Sokka is her cameraman there as well, and will sometimes go on-screen with his facepaint. That channel has a large following because of Boomeraang. Toph is actually good at not slipping into the wrong nicknames or giving away genders.

- Aang has a channel called ‘The Temple’, which is almost solely different animals he spots. Some people try to say that he isn’t at the Air Temples, but he just laughs and ignores them. It drives people insane and it’s just accepted that the name of the channel is misleading. He has a small to moderate following, mostly animal enthusiasts, and the others are nature enthusiasts.

- Zuko has a channel followed by only theater kids and wannabe theater kids. He literally put ‘Title’ as the name, and uses his videos to rant about different plays and a lot about how the Ember Island Players botch the best of shows.

- Jet has an official channel for his Freedom Fighters, which is now solely used for spreading awareness and raising funds for those who need help (orphans, abused people, and people affected by disasters). The group lost a lot of followers when they changed their tune from angry and vengeful to calm and actually trying to help instead of harm. However, Katara and Zuko both gave shout-outs to the channel, and Toph ‘mentioned’ them as well (*read: threatened her followers if they didn’t check it out*). Their following has grown and now has a very good rep.

- Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee share a channel called ‘Royal Three’ where they show off their skills. They have a large following.

- Teo and Haru help manage everyone’s accounts and Teo is the official Kyoshi Warrior technician by the time everyone is done. Both are paid by their Friends for the work and recommend the duo to literally everyone possible.

- The Kyoshi Warriors are extremely well-known. There was an uproar when Ty Lee was announced as an official Kyoshi Warrior. They post basic fighting tutorials.

[pengychan]

[Coco - Gravity Falls] Three Part Harmony

I wrote this for @perlogannwyl in exchange for her donation to BLM. Her prompt was Miguel interacting with Dipper and Mabel from Gravity Falls, discussing the weirdness around them. It took me... much longer than planned to write this, so I made it into a longer fic to make up for the delay. Sorry for the wait, hope you like it!

If you’d like to request a flash fic in exchange of a charity donation, here’s how.

It took Miguel roughly half a day to realize that primo Jésus - “Soos, dude, call me Soos. Unless I have the fez on, then I’m Mr. Mystery. Want some pizza? I’ve got this slice that never ends!” - was not the oddest person he could possibly meet in that town. Not by a long shot. 

“The locals are not odd, Miguel,” his father had told him, bouncing Socorro in his arms while his mamá caught up with her tía. Or at least tried to, because she had her attention split in three different directions: a third on her grand-niece, a third on the telenovela playing on the TV screen in the corner, and another third on cleaning every surface within reach as visitors walked through that… Mystery Shack his cousin apparently ran. 

Miguel didn’t answer as much as he gestured wildly at their surroundings. Somewhere on his left, a man wearing a tinfoil hat was taking a selfie next to a fur-covered trout mounted to the wall. His papá opened his mouth, hesitated, closed it again, and cleared his throat. 

“They’re Americans,” was all he could finally say in their defense as Socorro tried to get back his undivided attention by attempting to rip off his mustache.

Miguel had expected Americans to be kind of weird, just not that kind of weird. Still, as he wandered around the Mystery Shack - previously named Murder Hut, a plaque read, which made him… slightly uncomfortable - he had to admit that stuff was actually kind of cool. Also, Soos’ girlfriend was nice and had shown him how to get snacks for free from the distributor. 

“Are you sure it’s not a problem?” Miguel had asked, causing Melody - nice name, that - to shrug while she gave a customer change with one hand and made notes for the table disposition at the upcoming wedding. It was the reason why they were there, but as Miguel’s mamá hadn’t seen her tía since she married herself, she had wanted them to arrive a few days before the ceremony to meet properly.

“Of course not, don’t worry about it. Soos shows how to do it to everyone who walks in.”

“Ah.” Miguel had taken a snack, and wandered out to eat it without being chased with a vacuum cleaner, walking past a group of people holding up cameras and trying to figure out whether what was before their eyes was a rock that looked like a face or a face that looked like a rock. 

And then he’d seen it, just as it disappeared behind the trees. Something tiny, with a white beard and a pointed hat and… and…

Miguel blinked, and looked again; nothing but trees, now. But he was… fairly sure he had seen something. As per what that something was-- ay, he must be hallucinating. Was the snack he was eating past the expiry date?

He’d just turned it around to check when a truck screeched to a half right beside him, tires leaving marks in the grass and giving Miguel a mini heart attack. The driver’s door was thrown open, revealing primo Jes-- Soos at the wheel, grinning widely. 

“Back from the bus stop! Dudes, this is my second-something cousin Miguel!”

The very first impression wasn’t stellar, mostly because most people he met didn’t greet him by smacking a hand on his forehead to put a sticker on it. Or trying to ask him if he was single. Trying to, because her brother very quickly and very loudly began introducing himself before things got awkward, moving the chat to more normal grounds.

Well. Relatively normal. 

“... And I’m going to be a bridesmaid and - they still don’t know it, but I’ll throw glitter everywhere,” Mabel announced, spreading her arms. “It will be a huge surprise! I mean, if you tell no one, it will be a huge surprise. But you won’t tell anyone,” she added, her smile huge. 

Miguel wasn’t entirely sure if she meant to come across as slightly threatening or if he was letting past bad experiences give him the wrong impression,  but either way he responded with a smile that he hoped was convincing. 

“I’ll be silent as--” a grave? “... As, uh, someone really silent.”

“Soos’ abuelita will probably vacuum it all up immediately,” Dipper pointed out, causing his sister to frown.

“Right,” she muttered, rubbing her chin like a general devising an attack plan. “We need to find a way to keep the vacuum away from her.”

“... You don’t really think she’d bring it to the church during the wedding, do you?” Miguel asked, only for both Dipper and Mabel to nod. 

“You have met her, right?” Dipper asked, and Miguel had to concede that they had a point. 

“Fair.”

“We should sabotage it,” Mabel declared, and suddenly snapped her fingers. “Oh! I know! When our Grunkles get here tomorrow--”

“Our great uncles,” Dipper supplied helpfully before Miguel could voice his confusion. 

“-- We’re going to ask them to help us turn the vacuum into a leaf blower! So that if she tries to clean up, she’ll only spread glitter even more! A double surprise!”

To Miguel’s worry, Dipper - who’d struck him as the most sensible of the two - began pacing, giving the matter some serious thought. “We would need to do it right before we head to church, if she tries to use it before we head off she’ll know. Someone will need to distract her.”

“Miguel volunteers!” Mabel exclaimed, grabbing Miguel’s arm and lifting it with a surprising amount of strength, almost lifting him off his feet. “He’ll distract her!”

“... Are you sure this is a good idea?” Miguel asked cautiously. It seemed pretty nonsensical, but then again, his own solution to a problem a couple of years prior had been grave robbing, so maybe he wasn’t precisely on a much higher ground. 

“It’s a great idea! Leaf blowers always worked well for us. We used it to blow away some gnomes once.”

Miguel blinked. With the mind’s eye he saw it again, something really small with a pointy hat running over some bushes. But he’d just hallucinated that… right? “... Qué?”

“Nothing!” Dipper exclaimed suddenly, trying to elbow his sister in a way that couldn’t have been more obvious if he’d tried. Mabel waved a hand. 

“Come on, Dip Dop, it took us… days to realize this place was weird. I’m going to be surprised if he didn’t notice--”

“... Was that a… gnome?”

Mabel gave her brother a classic Told You So grin.  “Did you see a very small guy with a beard and a red pointy hat, or a brooding mysterious stranger?”

“Uh… the first one you said. About over there, running back into the forest.”

“Then it was a gnome! If you'd seen the brooding mysterious stranger, then it would still be gnomes but, like, five of them stacked on top of each other. If you see a giant creature of unimaginable horror, that is still gnomes. Just a lot more than five.”

Miguel’s gaze shifted to Dipper, half-hoping he’d laugh and admit it was a joke. Instead, he shrugged. 

“Don’t worry, they don’t do that anymore,” he informed him.

“Ah,” Miguel said, faintly wondering if they were making fun of him or were just insane. But then again, he had seen a tiny man running off into the woods. Plus something even more incredible, too, a couple of years ago. 

Unaware of his thoughts, Mabel was frowning. “Come to think of it, the giant Gnominator would have been useful during Weirdmageddon.”

Miguel, whose English classes had never included terms like Gnominator and Weirdmageddon, settled to just nod as though what she was saying made sense. “... Right.”

“Or when Dipper raised the dead.”

“Of cou-- wait, what?”

“It was an accident, Mabel,” Dipper protested, crossing his arms. “You know it won’t happen again.”

“I know, I know. Oh, don’t worry, Miguel! We know how to beat them! A perfect three part harmony, and they’re dead again. Soos told us you like music, so you can sing, no?”

“I said I won’t raise them again, we don’t need Soos to turn into a zombie again right before his wed--”

“You met the dead, too?” Miguel blurted out, causing both siblings to trail off and turn to look at him. Suddenly it was Dipper step right in his face, taking a notebook and a pen out of… seemingly nowhere. 

“You met the Undead, too?”

Miguel blinked. Undead? “They were all… pretty definitely dead.”

“Yes, yes, but like-- zombies?”

“Uh, no. Just… skeletons.”

Mabel nodded, extremely serious. “Thin zombies,” she declared.

“What-- no, they were not zombies at all.”

“No eating brains?”

“... They seemed to prefer Pan de Muerto.”

Dipper wrote that down. “No biting?”

“N… no?”

“Trying to drag you in your grave?”

“No, they just all kind of… really wanted me to go back home.”

"So they didn’t try to kill you?"

"N--" Miguel paused. "... Well, one did. But most of them wanted me to go home. They were my family.”

Mabel sighed. “Aww, you raised your family from the dead!”

“No, I was just robbing a grave and--” he paused, and rubbed his temples. “I really think we’re talking about two entirely different things here.”

“Yeah, sounds like-- wait. Grave robbing?”

Miguel shifted. “Not my best decision,” he muttered. Only that it had been, in the end, if anything for how things had worked out. Had he not been in the Land of the Dead that night, then…

Dipper lifted the notebook again, clicking his pen with a slightly manic look in his eyes. “We have a lot to talk about,” he said, and they did. 

That place was weird, the people were weird, but Miguel found that talking about what had happened in the Land of the Dead, with someone who believed him, wasn’t too bad at all.

[mrneighbourlove]

Metal Masters Match

Working for Hyrule's forge was a great job. Asakonigie had a few qualms about leaving her cousins and uncles, but this was a way to expand her metalworking and show off her talent. Now, most of Hyrule's army had her signature on their weapons or armor. Oddly enough, after she presented Klinge's suit of golden armor to him, he had admitted his feelings for her. Asakonigei was flattered, confused, and most of all, unsure. Her first relationship ended with infidelity. All that time down the drain, the drowning despair of heartbreak, and the humiliation took a while to cover from since Mojag cheated on her with her best friend, Halona. At least, hopefully, she would never have to relive those days again. Though sometimes, fate was cruel.

Klinge felt rather bitter today. The prisoner he interrogated said absolutely nothing to him, despite all the pain he went through. Then Ralnor, dear little Ralnor, came in like the devil. He offered the prisoner a deal in exchange to rat out his more deranged partner in crime. The prince told Klinge to simply call him next time and save everyone time and blood. To say at least, Klinge was in a mood.

However, ever since dating Asakonigei, he felt like his anger didn’t need to be held onto as much. Ralnor trying to undermine him meant nothing in the grand scheme. Why worry about a bad day at work when he had a lovely girlfriend to go home to? Opening the lock to his castle apartment, Klinge trotted in. “Asa? Are you home?”

Asa was lying face down on the bed, muttering curses and something along the lines of 'may his dick fall off' and 'her hair fall out'. When Klinge walked into the apartment, it was a little too late for her to move from her sulking spot on the mattress. She realized a muffled reply and groaned aloud.

Klinge wondered what gave her trouble this day. “Asa? What troubles you?” Fully suited, he sat beside her, placing a hand on her back.

"... ignore me, I'm brooding." Asakonigie turned her head to face him. "Just saw someone in the market that I don't necessarily care for."

“They obviously upset you.” Taking his armour off, he set it gently on their makeshift bench. Getting onto bed, Klinge picked Asa up, and held her on top of himself. If she wanted to sulk, she could do it next to him. His face was damaged, yet calm. His voice patchy, yet firm. “Would you like to talk about it?”

"... it was Mojag..." Asakonigei was quiet when Malik held her. "He was with Holana and some of my... well... I used to call them friends." She sighed heavily, feeling silly for letting an issue of the past get to her. "Talking about the day they got married and he..." The Kovina said through gritted teeth. "Almost made the mistake of marrying an uptight, know-it-all, she-devil. When he was the one who cheated on me. Somehow it's my fault."

Klinge was glad he was holding his delicate girlfriend in his arms. Anything else he might have crushed. It was frightening how Asakonigei would see the calmness in his corrupted eyes turn to malice. “They said this directly to you?”

"No, I just overheard them." Asakonigei took a slow breath and wiped at her eyes. "I feel so stupid. All I did was stop by the vendor's to pick up some of those peppers I like to use to make salsa and... they were at the next stall over getting sweets."

“I could talk to him. Straighten him out.”

"Straighten out Mojag? Good luck." Asakonigie scoffed. "He's the biggest prick in this kingdom. Had me fooled the entire three years we courted. Then I catch him in bed with my supposed 'best-friend' the day of my wedding? I doubt even brain damage would fix his arrogant ways."

Was that a bet? Klinge was tired. This could be treated tomorrow. For now, he’d help the exterior pain before going to the source. “You’re absolutely beautiful. I want you to know that.”

"Now you're trying to make me feel better." Asakonigei gave him a small smile. "It's working. Tell me more."

Klinge pulled her gently close, kissing her lips with his. “I speak with my actions.”

"Enough about me, how was your day?" Asakonigei could not help but wonder how Zarazu's research was coming along for Klinge. He said he wanted to be human again, to be with her. Having patience was difficult. "You had an interrogation and new training drills for the rookies, right?"

“Training the rookies went smoothly. Hatchlings this round of Dinolfos. Very rowdy, but obedient. Slapped ones nose because it was attracted at the sight of one of Ralnor’s daughters if you can believe it.” Klinge gave a light chuckle.

"Hrm, and you say that dragon hatchlings are worse than Dinoflos." Asakonigei teased him. "I think you're just biased."

“Dragons can’t put on a suit of armour and serve their country. They’re little vermin.” Klinge grumbled, averting his gaze for a moment.

"Oh? Maybe I should make some dragon armor and prove you wrong." Asakonigei saw that he was deflecting from her, and hugged around his neck. Klinge had this 'thing' about challenges and orders. She saw that little glint in his eyes when she was bossy. Sometimes, she could not help but wonder if he had a 'dom' fetish. Tracing a finger along his jaw, the Kovina then said, "You like a challenge, don't you?"

“I do. Conquering them makes you stronger.”

"Hrm, wonder what you would do if you couldn't conquer me." Asakonigei giggled. "Sulk? Curse like you did when we first met?"

“I don’t need to conquer an equal.” Malik traced his fleshy hand down the side of her cheek. He wished he could pleasure her without looking like a freak.

"Hrm, more flattery, an easy way to distract someone." Asakonigei asked with an innocent flutter of her eyelashes. "Are you trying to get me to drop my guard?"

Klinge stopped for a moment, studying his lover. “Asa? Why would I want you to drop your guard?”

"To get me to fall in love with you more." Asakonigei told him, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Even though you deem yourself unworthy of it, I'll give my love to you regardless of what you think of yourself."

“That’s very generous of you.” Klinge almost purred as he rubbed against her neck. “Thank you for not thinking less of me as a man.”

"Never." Asakonigei promised him. "You may have done things you regret in the past, but that does not make you any less of a man." She then told him, once more, firmly. "And what you look like doesn't change things either. You're still you."

“That means the world to me. I wonder how Cipher would think of you.” He kissed her again, getting a little into it. “I love you Asa.”

Asakonigei released a most unlady-like snort at the mention of Cipher.

"I'm pretty sure Cipher would say you have a type." She laughed. "Definitely have a 'stubborn woman' type."

“I’d have to hear it from her myself.” Klinge frowned at his nose.

"I'm certain that most of all, Cipher would want you to be happy." Asakonigei leaned against his chest. "In Lorleidi, many years ago, there used to be a medicine woman or what you might call a shaman. Sometimes, if you were lucky, you could go and ask her to speak to those who passed on before you. It would be nice if we still had one. You could possibly talk to Cipher again."

“That would be...” Klinge closed his eyes, pulling his lover to his side to spoon her. “Let’s just forget about the content of our days, and lie here in bliss and company.”

"Very well." Asakonigei would not object to a little rest. The forge had been very busy lately and she rarely had any time for herself or for Klinge. She then requested, "May I ask you something?"

“Of course.”

"Do you believe that one day, maybe we'll finally be able to rest?" Asakonigei asked him sincerely. "No more fighting, no more worries, and just... be happy? You and me, with our family?"

“... I do.” With a solemn promise, he kissed her softly before dozing off for their nap.

~

Klinge wore his best, his bronze armour shining from Asa’s craftsmanship, a red silk cape trailing behind. This bastard didn’t deserve to be basked in gold, but Klinge wasn’t out on a full witch hunt, so black wasn’t in style either. His curiosity on this Mojag had finally one out. He’d see if he was as stubborn as Asa claimed he was when he sought him out.

Mojag and his friends were not difficult to find. Almost every other day, the group frequented the pastry vendor for fresh baked goods. There were a few tables in front of the stall decorated with flowers and wicker chairs. All of them were talking about work, good times, and family. Holana was there as well, munching on a raspberry tart, feeding little bites here and there to her bragging husband.

He had secured a rather large client for his metal works in Danjur. Evidently, some rich duke there had a fancy for his metal sculptures. There was an art show there every month, and Mojag was rolling in cash. "What kind of idiot pays 10,000 rupees for a sculpture made of scrap metal? It's insane what these rich floozies will buy." Mojag was gloating to his friends. "Now, he wants me to do a series of commissions for him and his friends, and display my work in some gallery of his. He says it will get me more potential clients."

"Well, we can't complain it means more money." Holana snickered. "Not like the Talbithas were rolling in it anyway."

"All you had to do was flirty with him a little, and we had the fat man." Mojag laughed. "The duke probably keeps coming back for your pretty face, my dear."

"Might as well flaunt it if I got it."

"And Asa, pffft, asking her to do a bit like you was like asking her to eat shit." Mojag rolled his eyes. "Why did you even hang out with her anyway?"

"Same reason as you, her family had the largest forge at the time and I needed the work, so I pretended to be her friend to keep my job."

Absolute. Bloody. Fury.

Klinge overheard the exchange from the start, but kept himself from interrupting until he heard enough. By first impressions, it appeared Asakonigei was correct. “Yet your craft isn’t what is sought by your Queen.”

Mojag jolted when he heard the voice, turning around to look at the source. This was a guard of Hyrule of some sort. The armor looked awfully familiar. He could not quite place his finger on the voice either. He had seen this man somewhere before. Where was it? "... well, to each his or her own." Mojag shrugged his shoulders. "Some just don't have an eye for finery like I do. Right, babe?"

"Of course." Holana agreed. "Why? You looking to buy, mister?"

“I came looking for you. Mojag, if I’m correct?” Klinge looked around at every member of the gallery, eying then for weaknesses.

"Yeah, I'm Mojag." He confirmed. "Look, if you're here for business, you can come by my forge later. Right now, I got to treat my girl to a tasty pastry because she's delicious herself."

“Oh believe me, besides my own work already being better, I have a better forge master than you. I merely arrived to see if you were worth any worry.”

"A better forge master?" Morag started laughing as did his friends. "Look, you probably got one of those sissy Hylians doing your metal work. You're biased, you haven't seen real metalworking yet."

"... wait... I think I recognize that signature." Mojag looked at the metal arm with scrutiny. "Is that a Talbitha signature? ... you went to them? They're expensive work, man, I could have cut you a way better deal for less of a price but high quality. They'll rip you off with all that 'fancy' shit engraved in the metal. You don't need that."

“I pay for the best Mojag. The reason the Talbitha family works for the army of Hyrule is because they produced the best weapons and armour this army hasn’t seen since ancient times.” Klinge picked up a piece of metal that Mojag was working on, and with a squeeze of his literal steel fist, turned the metal into scrap. “As you can see, it’s quality is nothing to smirk at.”

"Psh, whatever man, Asa probably just spread her legs for whoever was in charge to get the account. Oh wait, she's too much of a prude, maybe her uncles had to sweet talk them!" At Mojag's comment, everyone was laughing. "Thinks she's too good, better than everyone else."

“From what I see, all you can do is belittle your competition. Have no true fire. No true craft. It seems you can’t accept that Asa was the better smith, and the better Lorleidian.” Klinge’s voice was calm, but deep inside he wanted to start snapping bones off this guy. For a rare occurrence, however, Klinge was in no legal right to do so.

"Better Lorleidian? Better craft? Please, I taught that bitch all she knew. She still insisted on that fancy shit. And she couldn't give out a little pussy." Mojag scoffed. "No matter, I got me a better woman, a real woman now."

Klinge made a glance, he blank stare of his cold helmet looking at her. “Tell me, what’s your name girl?”

"Who wants to know?" Holana paid the stranger no mind. "I don't know you, and I don't have to tell you a damn thing."

“It’s odd. I’d have assumed that a near extinct race would be kinder to one another. Betrayal amongst Lorleidians seems counter productive for your betterment as a people.”

"Betrayal? Give me a break, it's not like I didn't warn Asa that Mojag wasn't right for her." Holana had heard this lecture over and over before, but simply tuned it out. "And he even tried to break it off a few times, but the girl was so dense she had no clue what he meant."

“Your friendship meant nothing?” Klinge started to pace, his voice cutting the surface like a knife. “Queen Zarazu told me stories of an ancient Queen that fell in love with Vul’kar. Only for her to betrayed by scum and villainy.”

"The queen was stupid for falling in love with an Abyssian of all creatures, look at what Vul'kar did to us!" Holana huffed. "What she did was inexcusable, doesn't compare to what I did. I simply went after the man I loved."

"What, did her uncles hire you to harass me over this stupid matter again? It's been years, get over it and move on." Mojag rolled his eyes. "Besides, her new beau supposedly is a freak of nature." He snorted, telling his friends. "I think it's just a pity move."

His furnace suddenly blew apart in a small fizzle and bang. Klinge was incredibly subtle with his magic, and his fury reached its limit. The man’s work would do instead of squiring him on a pike. Klinge walked over to Mojag, staring him down. His voice was low, like parent who was ready to snap at the next wrong doing. “My final reason for coming here. Asakonigei is ready to move on from filth such as yourself. It seems that your envy of her won’t let yourself move on. You’re an inferior smith. Stop slandering her name, or I will make your life very, very difficult.” He looked at the rest of the Lorleidians in the room as a small fire spread. “Clean your mess of forge as well as your attitudes. We’re done here.” With that, the commander made his exit.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Mojag nearly fell out of his chair when his furnace from across the way suddenly crumbled into a million pieces. He was furious. This man had some gall! "I don't even know you, you fucker! Wait... wait a minute, you're the one who is fucking her now, aren't you?!" He chased after the commander. "No wonder she sent you to torment me, finally got her a freakshow in a suit to come do her dirty work!"

Klinge gently snatched Mojag up by the colour, lifted him up high off the ground, then lightly tossed him lightly on his ass. “Caution little Lorleidian. Don’t fight this dragon. Go back to your little forge. Perhaps move to Danjur. Asakonigei has proven her worth to the Queen and this country far more then the likes of you.”

"That's rich, coming from a freak. Don't think I haven't heard the rumors." Mojag picked himself up off the ground. Just for spite, he used his magic to start twisting Klinge's metal arm. "Let's see Asa fix that. Piss off, you freak. Come on, Holana. We're going home for the day."

Mojag suddenly felt a very real sharp pain stab from under the ground and into his foot. A little knife materialized, cutting into his foot rather well. “I’d get that looked at. Carefully were you tread.”

Klinge winced behind his helmet from his arm being pulled, but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of pain. He wanted to see Asa break his spirit. If Klinge couldn’t go beyond tame pains, and Mojag had no criminal history to go off for an arrest, Klinge knew he had to crush his pride.

Mojag was releasing a string of curses and holding his foot as Klinge walked away from the market area.

~

Klinge returned to his living quarters, satisfied by his afternoon. However, he knew this situation with Mojag was something he couldn’t normally fix.

Asakonigei decided that working in the forge every single day was tiring. So, she decided to take a day off and work on her designing inside. She was inside her room, sketches all over the floor. There were several different styles she wanted to try but she was not sure how functional the armor would be. The Kovina drew out the weight, pieces, and various ideas on her parchment and then even used her magic to try a few swirls in the metal.

Walking in the door, was a surprise to Klinge. “What do you have there?”

"Mind the sketches, please." Asakonigei had charcoal on her cheeks from working on various sheets. "I had this idea of creating some new armor for the soldiers dependent upon their type of work. Like the scouts need lighter armor to move faster, but still something to protect them. The guards at the front gate usually see a bit of trouble, so they need thicker armor. Yet, the rookies still don't know what they want as far as a station, so I need to design a universal type for them..." She elaborated more and more on her various sketches. "Oh! And this!" She held up a sketch of a crudely drawn war boar with armor. "We have nice saddles for the dragons, why can't we have a little more protection for the mounts?"

Klinge gave a light frown at the war boar designs. “I know it’s the royals favourite animal to ride, but the rest of the army, myself included, ride horses. I suppose it is cute though.”

"Oh, I did that too! Where did I put that sketch...?" Asakonigei looked around and then found it under a pile of possibilities. "See? For horses too."

“Your work is lovely.” Klinge set the paper down, and put his hands gently together. It was something he always did when he was going to deliver a difficult conversation. “Asa? Can I tell you something?”

"... yes?" Asakonigei gave him a look. "I know that tone of voice, Klinge. What's wrong? ... did Nubi'ahlus mix up your weapons as a joke again? I told him not to do that."

“Your story about the market with Mojag struck a cord, so my curiosity won over me. I investigated his whereabouts and met the man.”

"... oh no..." Asakonigei made a face, grimacing. "Please tell me that you left him... breathing. I know he's an asshole, but he does have others who depend on him."

“That thug was the most difficult ordeal of restraint I’ve ever gone through. Besides stepping on a knife when he tried to twist my arm, he’d fine.” Klinge looked at his arm, hoping that cockroach didn’t harm his mechanics. “It was strange. He didn’t have your grip.”

"...!!!! He twisted your arm?!" Asakonigei seemed more concerned about the possibility of Klinge's discomfort instead of the fact that Mojag did even received his small touch of karma. She held out her hands, and insisted, "Let me see! Are you all right?"

“I’m fine Asa.” He gently showed her his arm. “I’ve never met any of your people so... pathetic.”

"There's bad apples in every bunch, Klinge, even you know that." Asakonigei scowled loudly when she saw Klinge's arm. The metal was warped! "That fucking asshole, piece of shit, smega-eating dickhead!"

“His friends seemed to be drones. The girl was interesting. Her venom towards sounded like a play to me.”

"Shush." Asakonigei put a single finger to his helmet as she used her magic to fix the warped metal back into place. Peace and quiet were vital in concentration. She tried to do so as gently as she could to avoid causing Klinge further discomfort.

Klinge rested his human hand on the bed, waiting until she was done calibrating his arm. “I swear there has so be a way to counter that kind of magic. I thought the runes on this arm held magic.”

"This metal can only be influenced by Kovina magic and melted by Vatra magic." Asakonigei explained, "Unfortunately, Mojag is a Kovina, like me. I'll research runes to see if I can restrict magic warping---wait... Zarazu never explained these runes to you?"

“Not in particular. It unnerved Abyssians, but that’s was about it.”

"They're old magic, some of the first Lorleidians created these to use when our people were first learning how to use the elements our spirits gave us. The runes are infused with light magic, so I'm thinking that's why the Abyssians balked." Asakonigei sat on the edge of the bed with her husband and pointed out each rune one by one. "This one is strength. Not only in body, but in mind. This one is hope, for now, for later, and when you need it most. And the last one..." She chuckled. "The last one is 'adanata'. Love. Heh, and Zarazu told me that Covarog is the cheesy one." The Kovina told her lover. "Zarazu believed you worthy of love."

“Of course we are... no matter what others think.” It was almost cute how low Klinge’s voice dropped as he held Asa’s hand gently.

"Ha! Zarazu's never cared about that, we shouldn't either." Asakonigei then said, "You know, she requested these when I made the arm. I could always add more."

“If you think there is more to add?”

"Well, if you really wanted me to, I could always add 'Asakonigei has the best tits and ass', on there." She suggested with a laugh. "Not a rune. But just a statement."

“Been a while since you showed them off, so busy with work.” Klinge smirked. “Listen, I think I know how you can forever get Mojag off your back. Legally.”

"... legally? But that's no fun." Asakonigei sighed, flopping on the bed, her black hair sprawling everywhere. "I beat his ass once. Now that was fun."

“But that wasn’t enough. You didn’t humiliate him.”

"... should have dragged him and Holana out for everyone to see what a fucking cheater he was. But I was too angry to be clever for that."

“And that, my dear lover, is why you failed in your revenge. You broke his body. But do you know what you needed to break instead?”

"His dick."

Klinge gave a hardy metallic laugh. “God, I love that. Part of his body my dear. Take it from someone who served a man who went by the title of Dark Lord once. You need to break his spirit Asakonigei.”

"And how do you suggest I do that?" Asakonigei quirked an eyebrow, intrigued. "Mister-Fear-Me-Lord-of-Dark-I-Know-All-Revenges."

“He still thinks he’s a better metal smith then you. What’s your reply to that?”

"That's his arrogance talking. He thinks that he's so much better simply because his dad owns the largest forge." Asakonigei rolled her eyes. "Typical asshole thing."

“Then you need to disprove him in front of his friends, his customers, and all your people.” Klinge straightened up tall, looking down at Asa. “If you beat him in open competition in front of his Queen and everyone else, not only will his spirit be broken, but you will have found yourself something that goes beyond revenge. Justice.”

"... well... there was that competition that Ralnor organized, but I didn't think I'd have time to enter." Asakonigei sat up on the bed.

“I can set you up. Zarazu can make it even more grand by renting the Colosseum for use. And give Mojag an invitation he can’t resist.” Klinge placed a hand on her shoulder. “I believe you can do it.”

"The competition is only three days away..." Asakonigei looked a little worried.

“What if I helped you?”

"Hmm... I'd have to the design, that's the rules. But..." Asakonigei was good at finding loopholes. "There's nothing that says I can't have help making the metal."

“I was Ganondorf’s best smith. We can do anything together.” Klinge lifted her up on his knees, smiling warmly at her. “Want to take a bet?”

"A bet? Didn't take you for a betting man, Klinge." Asakonigei looked at him with a grin. "What kind of bet?"

“500 rupees says Mojag will flee the country once you break him in front of all his peers.” Klinge smiled, tilting his head at her. “That or a dance from you~”

"500 rupees? That's my salary for a week!" Asakonigei huffed, not about to gamble her hard earned money. "A dance? From me? Don't you mean with me?" She appeared to be confused for a moment before turning bright red, understanding his insinuation. "Klinge!" She swatted his arm, in embarrassment.

He grinned wickedly, a laugh cracking from his person. “You’re the one so confident about the best T and A in Hyrule. I’m sure it’d be fun to see a private dance.”

"Just because I know I have the best tits and ass doesn't mean I'm exactly ready to show off." Asakonigei was still bright red in the cheeks. "I'm not the queen."

“You think Zarazu galivants around the castle?”

"... you have seen what she wears in front of the king?" Asakonigei had a point. "Half the time, I think he picks out her outfits."

“Does it help I only want myself to see you?” He bounced her a bit on his hip, a toothy grin shining even through his exposed cheek.

"Think about a ring, then undressing me you naughty man." Asakonigei swatted him on the shoulder. "For now, we have a job to do."

“As you command dear.” He lifted her up, placing her down on her feet. “Then we best prepare.”

~

A messenger made his way to Mojag’s forgery that very day. The Lizalfos adjusted its metal cap, giving a knock. “Pleasssse open up ssssir.”

Mojag was busy with his orders and Holana opened the door. Their forge was attached to their house. She was surprised to have a messenger. "What's this about?"

“Messsssage for Mojag. An invitation from the Queen of Hyrule. Ssssshe is hosting a competition of the best Hylian, Goron, Kovani and other sssssmiths in the land.”

"A competition?" Holana took the invitation and read over the conditions and rules. "Huh. First prize gets money, second prize a day at the spa, and third prize gets a free couples dinner at that new Goron restaurant."

“You forgot the prizzzze of recognition. A medal from the King and Queen herself.”

"It's a dumb medal. Money we could use." Holana scoffed. "Recognition is nice, but it doesn't pay the bills."

“Will you join? The cassssh prizzzze pot is a cash prize of $10,000 rupees, assss well assss $100,000 in diamonds.”

"Of course we'll join." Holana started to close the door and then on second thought, asked another question. "How many others are there competing?"

“39 ssssssmiths.”

"And would one of those smiths happen to be a Talbitha?"

“Why do you assssk?”

"Just some bad blood, lizard." Holana shooed him off. "We'll see you at the competition."

The Lizalfos frowned, its frills shooting up. “Lizalfos.”

With that, he headed off to give Klinge word stage one of his plan was ready.

~

Klinge escorted Zarazu to her throne that oversaw everyone else in the coliseum where she could address the crowd and enjoy the competition. “Your tribes are about to finish finding their seats. You know Zarazu, Zelda once sat in this very seat to watch a competition of strength from her husband.”

"I recall Ganondorf telling me of that tale... 17 times already." Zarazu said dryly as she looked over the coliseum. She had to wear a damn fancy dress for this and it was so itchy and uncomfortable. The queen was walking rigidly and had to move her dress to the side to sit down on the throne. "I was expecting a... smaller crowd, to be honest. I didn't know we have such interest in these competitions." She arched an eyebrow at him. "And due to your insistence that I be the judge of this competition, something tells me you have a motive. You're not good at hiding things around me, my friend. Dare I ask what's going on?"

“I have to be fair, it’s you, BiggestGoron, and Fiest the Dinolfos. Least the competition be seen as favoured in Asa’s favour too much.” Klinge stretched an arm out to the crowd. “People love entertainment. As Queen, I think that’s a lesson you haven’t fully grasped. Sure, assassinations bring a level of excitement to the castle, or Covarog’s siblings come back with daring tales of adventure, but the public doesn’t get to experience that. They don’t get to see legends made of the ‘common’ folk often anymore. This metal smithing competition has brought in all of your tribes, Hylians, Gorons, as well as many others looking to spectate and compete. It’s an honour to host this event Zarazu.”

"You do have a point, the public probably doesn't have everyday adventures like Orana's fascinating tales." Zarazu had to agree with him on a few aspects. "I'm sure everyone will have a good time. Though, you know what is a giveaway that you're up to something?"

“Yes?”

"You're wearing the armor that Asa made for you."

“And?” Klinge shrugged, pretending with a tone he had no idea what she meant.

"And you only wear it for one of three reasons," Zarazu elaborated. "To impress others, is the first. You strut like a male cucco bird when you wear it. Second, if you're going to do a demonstration for the rookies, because that is your best suit and you like to show it off. Last, if you're up to something that you're trying to keep on the down low. The last five times you've been wearing it, I found out about an event you were trying to keep shush shush. Like you pummeling those jerks who catcalled Asa a few weeks ago." She had an amused expression on her face. "Klinge, face it, you're becoming too easy to read. You're smitten with her, aren't you?"

“I care a deep deal about her, yes. So much so, I organized this events so that she can humiliate Mojag and destroy any trace of hope he would have. I made sure every Kovina is present, as well as a few of the man’s customers. Once this competition is through, she’ll never have to worry about him again.”

It was part romantic and part mortifying to hear how dedicated Klinge was willing to go.

"... for some reason, I'm not too surprised." Zarazu crossed her legs. "You'd move the moon for her, wouldn't you?"

“No. But raise her above my head to get closer to it.” A giant boom and the feeling of an earthquake was felt. This was followed by another boom, and another, until a Goron the size of a giant peered its head over the stadium radius. Klinge nodded. “And that is Biggestgoron. I should go see Asa. All the smiths are preparing in the centre.”

"Heh, what do you know, the great and fearsome Klinge has a soft spot." Zarazu had to tease him a little. "Go say hi, Klinge. And do tell Asa I said good luck."

Klinge made his way through the crowd until he spotted her designated working area. “Asa, how are you feeling?” All around them smiths of various races were preparing mentally to begin.

Asa had checked her list for all the items. Five times. And now she was inspecting her forge for the third time. It was obvious that the Kovina was... nervous.

"Fine. I'm fine. Just... fine."

“Asa, you can’t conquer the battlefield until you conquer your fear of battle first. Admit your troubles, tell me what weighs on your mind.”

"I... I um..." She took a breath and then blurted out. "I don't like being the center of attention. I'm not like the queen who can speak publicly and have all eyes on her."

Klinge nodded, understanding that fear. “Do you like art Asa?”

"Well... I guess metalworking is a form of art." Asakonigei tried to think about the question from a logical perspective. "I just don't use brushes and paints."

“It is. Many people love your art. They want to be motivated and inspired by your art. You can loved, but have no need to be publicly present back. All you need, is to focus on your world, and create your art.” Klinge rested just metal arm on her shoulder. His final reasoning for pushing Asa towards this. “You are so much more then you think. I think, deep down inside...” Klinge pointed a metal finger at her heart. “... you know it’s time the world believed too. Let them see the might of your vision.”

"... you make me feel better, Klinge." Asakonigei smiled at him. She took a deep breath. It was hard enough to think about how many people were watching, so she decided just to do what he told her. Just focus on her work. "I know Zarazu is judging, but there are a few other judges as well, aren't there?"

“The competition will work as such. First round is building an item from scratch with the supplies you are given. It will be tested for design, use, and finally, durability. This can be anything you want. The judges will decided who the top ten contestants are for the next round. This is where you will bring in an item of your previous work for examination. The best piece of work wins. The judges are Zarazu, Feist-“ Klinge pointed out an ten foot tall Dinalfos with dazzling gauntlets and an axe on his tail tip. “And Biggestgoron.” It was hard to miss out the small mountain sized Goron looking over the stadium, looking bored as he rested his arms on the ring shaped top. “I hear he’s rather cold to youngsters, do you don’t have to worry about him treating other Goron’s with more respect.”

"Oh spirits..." Asakonigei swallowed. Hard. "They um... they're pretty uh... big. Scary. Fucking hell." The Kovina looked back at her work. "Okay, I can do this, I can do this. I used to make stuff from scratch all the time. I still make stuff from scratch. I love to make stuff from scratch."

“Breathe.” Klinge rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Okay, breathing, that I can do..." Asakonigei took a look at the competition and then saw... Mojag. With Holana. She had a look of fury on her face. "He brought her of all people with him?"

“Asa. She can’t participate unless it’s to work against him. This is a solo event. And she matters not. Close your eyes. Breathe.” He waited until she humoured him. “Breathe. Think of me. Think of your family. Think of your work. Channel it into art. Nothing else matters. You are indifferent to distractions.”

"That... that... that jerk!!!" Asakonigei huffed with a fire in her eyes. "I'll show him. I'll wipe the floor with him! He'll wish he never stepped foot in a forge!"

“Anger is good. But only if you focus it.” He could use this development too. Perhaps Zarazu’s peaceful meditations were getting to him. Focusing rage was something he was a far better teacher at. “Crush him. Burn his ego alive. You can flay his pride amongst thousands.”

"I'll make sure of it." Asakonigei told Klinge with a determined face. "I can do this. I won't let him win."

“I know.” Klinge made his way out, unfortunately having to walk past Mojag to do so. “I hope your foot has grown better after your accident.”

"Go kiss Vul'kar's ass, filth." Mojag sneered as Klinge walked by... and then he saw Asakonigei. He knew the two of them were associated. "Looks like she is fucking that thing."

Asakonigei shot Mojag a glare and awaited the introductions from the judges.

Klinge glared one last time behind his helmet, pointing to a specific area in the audience above. “See them Mojag? Those are your rich, customers from Danjur and Hyrule that were interested in your work. I’m certain they’ll pay whoever wins the competition. Best of luck to you, you punk.”

"To all of my people and guests of this kingdom, welcome to the Metal Masters Match!" Zarazu thought the name was absurd, but Covarog loved it. "Today, we have various competitors to show you exactly who will be the best master of their craft! For the first round, we will have our contestants make a weapon of their choice from the scrap metal in front of them. Our judges will then decide who will proceed to the next round."

“Armour, jewelry, or other works are also fine.” Feist added in a rather eloquent voice for a lizard. “All if you have your forges set up, and you’ve been given the same amount of resources to work with. You have two hours to create your choice. Cheating will not be tolerated. Prepare! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”

“Begin.” Biggestgoron had to whisper to not shake the arena with his voice.

Contestants set to work. Goron’s took heavy hammers, battering at the metal. A Moblin cranked chipped away some metal by hand to craft a necklace. Everyone didn’t waste a single second.

Asakonigei looked at her items. A few items had a bit of rust, but she could take care of that easily. There was nothing sharp enough to build a weapon. Nothing of worth for jewelry. But... there was enough to make a statue. A huge statue like those rich, pompous nobles paid for to put in their gardens or in their corridors.

Feist walked his way through the contestants, watching their abilities unfold. He turned his head to towards Mojag next.

Mojag was using his spare materials to construct jewelry. His items consisted of a few stray jewels and enough thin pieces of metal to construct various types of jewelry. Thus far, he had a set of earrings, and a necklace.

Others constructed daggers, shields, rings, and other various items. Soot spread wildly, until finally, Biggestgoron spoke over the stadium. “Time’s up.”

Klinge waited beside Asakonigei’s family, watching with hope at her craft. Her family and him had been discussing forging tips and tales while the hours had gone by, and their hope they put into Asa.

Asakonigei's statue was by no means huge, but it was still a majestic piece. She has used the rusted parts to highlight pieces of hair while she used the shinier sections to sculpt body parts. When the piece was finished, it was a sculpture of the Gerudo twin goddess; sand and stone.

Everyone had to carry their items to a presenting stage for the judges to examine. Zarazu was able to judge the surface level look and practicality. Feist would judge the craftsmanship. The first man presented a dagger. Feist examined how he placed jewels amongst the hilt, but noticed cracks in the blade. Lifting it up, the mighty hand of Biggestgoron plucked the dagger up. He held it close to his eye to examine it. Then to the horror of the contestants, he tested its durability. With an ounce of a flex, he crushed to blade into pieces. “Bah. Pathetic.”

Feist frowned at his fellow judges attitude, but who was he to argue with a stone giant? “Next contestant.”

This continued, till at last, it was Asakonigei and Mojag last by chance. They were told to stand at the bottom of the platform together and wait to be called up.

"A statue? Really? That's the best you could do?" The man sneered towards the woman.

Asakonigei was quick to retort, "Well, not all of us got jewels like you did. Shame to see that you still can't craft jewelry worth shit."

"At least it's good enough for Holana, and that's all that matters."

"Psh, Holana doesn't know what's good from bad, and that, is bad."

"You're just jealous that she's a better fuck."

"You're just sore that I'm better at metalworking."

"You wish."

"What reason do I have to lie?"

"You---"

Mojag had no time for another quip for he was called to the podium. He presented his jewelry set to the judges; a set of earrings, a necklace, a bracelet, and a ring.

Feist was impressed by his jewelry. Certainly, the best in a while. “Fascinating craftsmanship. My Queen?”

"The jewelry is absolutely beautiful." Zarazu picked up the necklace. Her neck would get sore after a while of wearing this. It was rather weighty. "The stones are high quality and he removed the impurities from the gold. However, it's still a bit on the heavy side. Perhaps less weight next time?"

"Of course, my queen." Mojag was polite. "I accept your advice."

“Hurry up.” Biggestgoron waved a massive hand for the jewels. Examining them incredibly close, he gave a few nods. Finally, he opened his mouth and chewed down on them. One crunch. Two crunch. Impressive. “Not an Amateur. The ring lacked any inscription. I did enjoy the necklace, despite its weight.”

"...!" Zarazu was not expecting the Goron to... eat the items. "Next, we have a..." She turned and motioned for Asakonigei to approach the podium. "Oh! A stunning statue of the twin goddesses of sand and stone of Gerudo lore."

"Yes, my queen." Asakonigei used her magic to lift the statue upward for inspection.

"It seems you had some rather rusty materials... but you used it for a flare."

Feist darted his head up and down, examining the design. “It’s very striking on the eyes. I love the etchings you made. It looked as though you used all the material at your disposal. Well done, Kovina.”

Klinge felt a strong sense of pride at what she had crafted. He wondered what she could do with more time.

Biggestgoron lifted the statue up and examined it, twirling it around to see every corner etched out. No one else had done a statue. “Great imagination.”

With a light squeeze on the statue, it didn’t break. So, he did another one. He heard cracks, but it still held. With a flex, the statue turned into tiny scrap. Taking that scarp, he devoured the material. “Delicious craftsman ship. Need to eat some rocks later.”

"I um... can make another if you're still hungry?" Asakonigei offered, her jaw hanging open as the Goron devoured the statue. "I'll need more..." She heard the crunch and the snap, and nearly winced. How could that be good for anyone's teeth? "Ah... materials."

"I'm sure that Biggestgoron will take you up on that offer later, Asa." Zarazu laughed in delight at Asa's shock. "My friends, what do you think? Does she pass into the next round?"

Feist nodded, finishing up a list of people who believed worthy to be finalists. “She does, along with these others.” One his list he included Mojag, ranking 7th for him, but still top ten.

Biggestgoron shook his head. “I devoured and ate your items simply because I could. Because, even those that won’t continue on, you can recreate what you made here today. And it will be better the next time. The Queen and Feist may announce the finalists. I care only for the top ten.”

Feist made sure him and Zarazu agreed before announcing the winners. Even though they lost, the lower placed contestants still stayed to watch the demonstration part of the competition.

In the crowd, certain spectators were making bets on who would win. More importantly to some who traveled far, who they would hire.

“The Talbitha lady seems to be skilled. She’s quite the artist.”

“Mojag makes far more fair jewelry, but if she wins, I might have to switch my business.”

“I heard she’s a hack.”

“I suppose we’ll see.”

After the top ten finalists were announced, there was the second task to complete. Asakonigei and Mojag moved to their respective stations. The Kovina felt... happy. She was glad that the judges liked her work. While she did love creating armor and weapons for Hyrule's soldiers, this was a good change of pace. It was nice to simply have that opportunity to construct something entirely new.

Feist explained the rules. “At your called name, you will present your finest previous work that you choose to bring here today. The three of us will examine your item of choice for its craftsmanship, flare, and uniqueness, giving each a score out of ten. May the best smith win.”

First, a Goron came to the stage. His craft was making a replica of the legendary Megaton hammer. The original had been lost to the wild. “Biggestgoron, Queen Zarazu. I present the replacement to the Megaton Hammer.” With a swing, he crushed a boulder he used as demonstration into pebbles. “May it be used to slay dragons, just as the original did.” He noticed the Queen’s eyes raise at that. “Eh, er, evil ones of course. No disrespect to my Lorleidian brothers and sisters in the crowd.”

Klinge had to admit. He really liked the sound of that weapon. He wouldn’t kill Ba’puu, but it’d certainly hurt the dragon to bop him on the noes for misbehaving. Ah, he could daydream.

Mojag presented a pair of twin dual swords. The weapon was crafted with the best quality of metals, yet lacked elaborate design. Still, it was a good sword to use in battle. Asakonigei waited until her name was called. She really had not given much thought to what she should present. Over her many years, the Kovina had constructed hundreds of suits of armor and who knew how many weapons. Yet, she supposed her best piece was the part that brought her here...

Feist checked the list. She was the second to last contestant. He had seen swords, hammers, a mirror shield, and exotic crowns. “Asakonigei. You are one of two Kovina here today. We have seen your fellow tribesmen. What do you have to present?”

"I... my greatest creation actually belongs to another now. May I call Commander Klinge to the stand?" Asakonigei fidgeted slightly.

Others looked at him, and Klinge rose from the Talbitha family to make his way through the crowd to join Asa. For good measure he shot Holana a glance from behind his helmet. How he wondered how little she felt. Arriving, he gave Zarazu and the other two judges a bow.

"If you wouldn't mind showing them your arm?" Asakonigei asked Klinge with a smile. "Please."

He whispered down to her. “Do you want me to take it off, or tell them why it was created?”

"I doubt he needs to remove it, my fellow judges, you can see the fine craftsmanship?" Zarazu asked the others. "I'm sure Klinge would love to elaborate upon his tale."

"I made this with what my family had leftover from Lorleidi." Asakonigei explained to the judges. "It's called Banthorarium metal. It will never rust, never crack, never fade, and never melt unless it is with the magic of a Vatra."

Feist looked closer once Klinge removed the armour around it. The fearsome commander tended to keep to himself. “What are these markings on the arm?”

"They are runes, sir." Asakonigei explained to Feist. "From the olden days of Lorleidi, when we were first using our magic, learning how to use the elements." She pointed to the runes. "Strength, hope, and love..."

Biggestgoron laid out a palm to Klinge to climb aboard. Stepping on, Klinge held his breath as he was lifted into the air for closer look. “Smith. Is the arm magic?”

"Yes, and please don't try to eat it." Asakonigei added as an afterthought. "The commander needs his arm."

“I’m not eating any of the projects you brought forth. Smith. Why did you create this arm?”

"I created it due to the request from my queen." Asakonigei told the judges. "She said a friend of hers had lost his arm in a fight, and needed a new one to replace it." She gestured to the various parts of the arm. "It had to be fully functional and accommodating for his job."

Klinge glanced down from high up. She knew damn well why specifically it had to be made. Biggestgoron seemed satisfied. He carefully set the commander down. “Asakonigei, take your seat beside the other Kovina with the previous contestants. We have one more smith.”

Asakonigei did not think it was her place to tell the judges what happened to Klinge. If he wanted to tell the grand story of how he battled the queen, that was his place. Once she understood that Klinge's arm was not going to be eaten and in fact, had their approval, she took her seat.

Both the Lorleidians hadn’t noticed do to worries or mentally preparing during the first round, but a tiny mouse made its way up the stage, doing its best to lift a box a little bigger than itself. This was a Minish, a rare race of Hyrule that liked to keep itself to secrecy most of the time.

"Oh! May I help you with that?" Asakonigei was halfway to her seat when she noticed the next contestant. She approached the tiny... mouse? Rat? What was this? Zarazu had told her of other races, but she could not quite place this one. "It looks heavy."

“I’m fine. Thank you.” At least Mojag and a Moblin could be heard snickering at the sight. The Minish smiled softly, speaking in an even softer voice. “I liked your demonstration miss.”

"Thank you, I look forward to yours." Asakonigei heard the snickers and shot the Moblin and Mojag a glare over her shoulder. "Ignore them. They're bastards."

“That’s not a very nice word.”

"Well, they're not very nice. Good luck." Asakonigei resumed her seat.

The Minish gave a tiny bow to the Queen and Feist once he was done. “My name is Spielzeug once again. I’m sorry for the wait.”

"You're fine, Spielzeug. Tell us, what do you have to show us?"

“My creation. I like to build toys with a little magic.” Opening the box, a metal dragon crawled out. Every scale was etched perfectly, zero hint of rust. Its wings were made of fine glass, with perfect folds to allow it to close and open at will. Its eyes were fitted with tiny rubies, and the judges swore it was looking at them. “Fly!”

The dragon did as was commanded, fluttering into the air. Its scales moved and tightened as if it had to breath like any dragon of flesh and blood. It danced and made little chirping sounds, a tiny echo escaping from a little jaw. The dragon flew by the competitors, then rest by the Minish. “I call it a Dragon-Fly. Due to its size and what it is based off.”

"Oh my! This is absolutely delightful!" Zarazu held out a finger and watched as the dragon perched on the digit. "I've never seen such a cute toy! My twins would absolutely love this."

Asakonigei actually grinned. It was a cute toy. She wouldn't even mind having one herself.

“I took my time crafting tiny gears and smelting the metal together. After that, I imbued it with a little life.”

Feist took hold of the sleeping curled dragon. “Curious. Most curious.”

Biggestgoron wished it wasn’t so small. His eyes could barely make it out. “Certainly unique, tiny one.”

"It's adorable, I love it." Zarazu had a huge smile on her face. She was tempted to ask if she could buy it, but this was not the time or the place. The competition had to come first. "May I ask which dragon you used for inspiration?"

“One from a story book.”

"A story book?" Zarazu thought of the erotic book, 'The Dragon's Bride' for a moment and nearly giggled. "One suitable for children, I hope."

“Why wouldn’t it be?” The little Minish knew not of the many profanities in the Queen’s mind.

Feist set the dragon back in the box. “Queen Zarazu. I believe it’s time we voted for the top three contestants.”

"Yes, indeed. Oh, um..." Zarazu carefully placed the dragon back into the tiny box. "Are you sure you don't need some help? I wouldn't mind. You truly do have a unique item there."

“No thank you. I can handle myself.” Carefully, the Minish carried the box all by himself down the ramp.

Klinge waited in anticipation as he watched Biggestgoron hold Feist and Zarazu in his palms for secret discussion. Who would come out on top?

Finally, the Goron set the Queen down. “We are proud to announce the top three.”

Feist looked to the crowd. “In third place, Boulog the Goron for his replacement of the legendary Megaton hammer. Now, Queen Zarazu, please announce second and first place.” That certainly got a cheer, especially from the Goron tribe.

Klinge looked down to Mojag and Asakonigei. He could have sworn he heard a scoff from Holana, as if it was obvious from the beginning her lover would win. Who would win the competition? The arena crowd was on the edge of their seats, all eyes on the Queen to deliver the verdict.

"In second place... Asakonigei Talbitha for her amazing and fully functional prosthetic arm." Zarazu announced the crowd, earning cheers. Up in the stands, there was loud yelling. Her uncles and cousins went wild, spilling beer and popcorn everywhere. Her family was thrilled. "For first place, we have decided upon the most unique creation we have seen in a long while..." Mojag looked smug and confident but his expression quickly fell. "Spielzeug!"

The tiny Minish nearly had a heart attack from shock. “Me?”

The crowd exploded into cheers. Klinge took a breath of relief. Asa wasn’t the champion like he might have wanted, but at least she beat that smug prick.

Feist scooped up the Minish in the palm of his hand, and elevated him above where the champion was supposed to stand on the podium. “I give you, the champion of the Metal Masters Match! You are the among the greatest smiths of the generation! You win the grand prize of $10,000 rupees and a bucket of diamonds!”

Setting the Minish down, he pointed to Asa. “Asakonigei. For second place and being the best Kovani here, you receive a spa getaway with anyone you like.” To the Goron, he gave a nod of respect. “Boulog, for third, you have received a free meal at Goron Sirlon Rockalanch. May you three prosper, and thank you for the rest of the contestants for participating.”

"You did marvelous work. I'm assuming you're going to open a toy shop? Or do you already have one?" Asakonigei was a good sport and congratulated the tiny Minish. She could not exactly shake his hand, so she offered a single finger to serve in its place. "I think the queen would be happy to have a couple toys for her children. I know I would if I had any."

“With all this money I’ve won, I just might do that.” The tiny Minish shook her finger with both hands.

Klinge had to wait behind a wave of people rushing down to great to winners. One even pushed past Mojag to get to them. “Sir! Sir! Will you build us my wife a suit of armour?”

“Sir Spielzeug! My sister works for the Queen of Danjur! I wanted to acquire an axe from you, and perhaps buy that dragon!”

“I’ll pay for a new pair of boots and an electronic bear!”

The little Minish shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I can only so many orders so fast. I can start taking a list, but may I suggest Asakonigei or Boulog smith your much larger means?”

"I'd be sure to direct people your way for... smaller projects." Asakonigei laughed when the poor Minnish was a touch overwhelmed by all the attention. "I'll be happier to complete the larger works."

"I do hope you enjoy your prize," Zarazu told the Minnish with a smile. "And when you have time, I would like to place an order for two dragons. For my twins."

“Oh! Of course.” The little Minish gave a tiny bow to the Queen.

Klinge finally was able to push his way to Asa after 25 new customers commissioned orders from her. “Congratulations. You earned it.”

"Thank you." Asakonigei finally completed the paperwork and assured her newest customers that their orders would be out as soon as possible. "I got a spa package. I think it will be nice to be pampered for a day, don't you?"

“I do. We can go whenever you like.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “They loved your artwork Asa.”

"This was... this was fun." Asakonigei sighed as she placed her hand on top of his. "I think it was good to have a little deviation from the everyday routine, yeah?"

“Indeed. I want to point out two things to you. Justice...” Klinge pointed at Asakonigei’s family. They jokingly told her that they’d have to see if they could see her or not due to their own orders. They looked so proud of her.

“We’ll be having dinner with them tonight. You brought pride to the best smithing family in Hyrule. And, well, revenge.” He pointed to Mojag. He did not look or sound happy.

"I'm glad I could put him in his place, but..." Asakonigei glanced at Mojag and then looked up at her family in the stands and waved to her cousins and uncles. "I think I like this view better."

Klinge nodded in agreement. A darker desire in him wanted to see the humiliation from Mojag further, but his heart told him that there was more than enough vengeance granted. He was best suited to follow his lover and support her at Asakonigei’s side. “Then let’s go celebrate.”

[cheezybiouwiou]

a briefing so i don’t have to repeat myself

My parents got divorced when I was one. He ‘went on holiday’ to Switzerland when I was about 6, the only contact I’ve had with him has been like through letters when we’ve tried to change our names in court or something.

I’ve lived in three countries and moved house over 30 times - it sounds weird but there’s always been a good reason.

We were like the famous five kids (my cousins, my sisters and I) for years, but then my aunt’s a little crazy, so long story short we fell out and didn’t see them for like 8 years (side note, saw them this summer and it was weird but nice).

Uncle is batshit crazy and a psychopath, we don’t talk to him. He likes to remind my mum that he could kidnap/murder us every so often which is fun. My grandma has alzheimers (so does my great aunt), and my dad’s side of the family we don’t have contact with. Everyone else just isn’t around or is dead I’m pretty sure (that’s not tragic it’s just old age yk).

Umm, so, mum was determined to send us to private school, so after the divoce although we stayed in private education, she/we sacrificed a lot to get there. We weren’t poor or anything, just life was tight. That at one point led to us moving to Spain for a year (wonderful but crazy experience, I was like 6 at the time and genuinely my heart is in Spain. We have a house there in this tiny village, it’s kinda the only constant I’ve had in my life.

After that we moved back to England and I went to a boarding school (very minimal boarding at first though, so easy). Had an amazing time, yada yada then my mum met my soon-to-be stepfather. Long story short again, he had a bit of money and they got married quick, it seemed great at first but he turned out to be a wackass hoe as well.

A series of unfortunate events involving us moving into my grandma’s to look after her and my batshit uncle threatening to kill our cat and kicking us out of that house led to us moving a bajillion times between holiday rentals for like a year. We then ended up moving to Shanghai, again seems incredible at first until you remember that this is the point at which he started showing his true colours and being super emotionally abusive to my mum. Shanghai also happened to be a really convenient way to isolate a person. Anyways, I got sick of it after a year because the education was shit so ended up going to the UK and going to a super uptight full-time boarding school for the next year.

Went here, homesick as shit and my brain decided it would be a perfect time (when I’m in a super intense academic and conservative environment where the only person I have in the country is my sister) for my ✧・ﾟ:* issues *:・ﾟ✧ to manifest/me to actually understand shit. So yeah, bad year for me. This was also compounded by my mum (yk cut back to China where she’s being emotionally abused and my other sister is having a shit time) having an absolute breakdown. Idk the timing worked out great bc my shit time coencided with hers and she couldn’t cope with that on top of my homesickness and on top of her issues so this, combined with the multiple arguments that I had with her, meant that she told me to stop bothering her and so I did. We didn’t talk for weeks, and now I have ✧・ﾟ:* emotional scars/trust issues and our relationship has never been the same *:・ﾟ✧. 

Anyways, she escaped by some miracle and we ended up back in England all together. This was when we returned to the flexi-boarding school (the one from before China) because it was the only one we could afford to go to. Sooo that place was super negligent and basically all I can say is that they had a really good PR team to stop all those suicide attempts within that school from going public.

Anyways, the first year was iffy, but as I said before, the issues that were becoming more apparently at the last school were kinda becoming more and more apparent (I now know it’s anxiety, depression, and then a possible spicy element of ADHD that we haven’t even got to yet). There was also another issue in that I’m bisexual and I was figuring that whole thing out (this is a side note but I’m probably non-binary but that’s a whole other issue that I’m confused/in denial about), but that led to me becoming friends with basically just the queer kids in my year because all my friends stopped talking to me. At this point I started almost full-boarding again.

Then I started dating one of my friends (Draco, AFAB but confused about their gender identity). Started off sweet, but long story short we dated for a year and a half and I’ve never been more broken (tried to kermit the frogicide 3 times hehe they barely counted as attempts yeet). Uhh there’s a lot to unpack with this one but I’ll try to simplify:

They had abusive parents (physically and emotionally)

They had bipolar

They also were raped by their dad multiple times

They were super manipulative. I wasn’t allowed to be happy about anything because it made them feel bad. 

I wasn’t allowed to feel confident in my body because they had severe body issues. I ended up developing an eating disorder (all I ate was tea, toast after midnight and like milk and digestives).

I started self-harming.

My relationship with my sisters and mum was atrocious. It was definitely a huge part my fault, but not entirely.

As a group we were definitely very toxic. But yeah, on top of all this their best friend committed suicide, and they’d been in emotionally abusive relationships. This led to them being super suicidal. There was I think from November to February where every time they left school to go home, they’d literally try to kill themself. And I’d be stuck while they’re messaging me the whole time saying like “sorry you’re not enough to save me”. Every night. For months I was spending my whole life literally just trying to keep them alive.

Idk if I blame them, because it was definitely their trauma that made them act like it, but some of the stuff they did was manipulative and shit. Lying to me a lot, promising they’re telling the truth when actually lying. Constantly pushing me away, and then being mad when I couldn’t talk to them because they blocked me. Telling lies to my friends to get them to stop talking to me and then stopping me from telling my friends the truth (I wouldn’t tell them just because Draco made it seem like it would hurt Draco, and I was terrified of doing that). That sorta stuff.

I became a therapist for a lot of kids in my year, and so all that pressure of keeping like 20 kids from committing not-alive, on top of my issues just wasn’t a good look for me.

This led to as I said, the eating disorder, and also heavvyyyy dissociation. It also led to alcoholism which was just an unexpected turn. I just didn’t realise how bad all of these problems were at the time. Not a good time, a lot of loneliness, skipping lessons, that sorta thing.

Anyways, mum managed to get me out of the school (after a breakdown and an ambulance having to be called to the school because I drank too much). I did my GCSEs from home by some miracle, and she moved me to the local sixth form. I broke up with the person, and then had a few months over the summer that were life changing.

I moved to a new sixth-form, and it’s been rocky and uphill and super hard but I worked my ass off and I’m in so much better of a place than I was. It was rough at the start, but basically I had a pathetic amount of CBT therapy from the NHS, and the only good thing it did for me was to let me know that 1) I hate CBT, and 2) I already managed to teach myself a lot of the coping skills in the last year.

Then corona rolled around, and my anxiety went through the roof again, depressive episodes came and went and I’m still getting no help. But yeah, it basically made me realise that sure I’ve come a long way but I’m barely holding it together. It most CERTAINLY isn’t helped by the astronomical stress levels I’m getting from my A-levels and just generally existing at the moment is hard. I’m also low-key lonely because people kind of suck (I lost almost all my friends from my old school, don’t get me wrong that was for good reason, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t suck. But yeah, I also got into a group of people at the start that were kinda shitty and so now it can be kinda lonely because it’s hard to make new friends).

My relationship with my mum has improved but it’s rocky as fuck. She’s very childish and I’m pretty sure hit the jackpot for trauma in every capacity but just pretends that sHe’S fiNe. While I’m writing this, she’s been incredible. Genuinely incredible. But also she can be one of the biggest problems in making me want to cease existing. She can be extremely manipulating and invalidating of my emotions, and generally make me feel like I’m going insane because she knows that I have no power over my life. She’s admitted it’s because she has to be in control of everything, but admitting it doesn’t mean it’s not toxic. It’s one of the hardest things in my life when it gets bad.

So yeah, I think that’s most of it!

Also side note, I may have attachment issues from the constant moving schools/houses/issues with my mum/dad leaving/crazy stepdad/i completely forgot to mention my step-brother who nearly got institutionalised in china because of schizophrenia that i didn’t see after that/constant changing schools.

Also second side note, only figure out recently and I’m probably completely wrong and I can’t remember it properly because I was so young but a kid a few years older than me might have touched me up when I was younger. It wasn’t anything serious, it just made me uncomfortable when I realise. I don’t know if I want to talk about it though because there’s a part of me that wonders if I just invented this trauma to make me feel special or some shit and YES I’m aware that’s the dumbest shit to ever think but oh well. Edit: also I feel like I have no friends/they're constantly changing. Also, childhood Moreton bullying.

[stillrecruitingrp]

The D.A. has recruited Karli to the character of Harry Potter with a faceclaim of Dev Patel. Best of luck, Chosen One -- or should we call you, Undesirable Number One? Either way, we hope you don’t think it’s still your army...

OOC Details

Name: Karli

Pronouns: She/Her

Activity Level: I do have a full time job and I am planning my wedding, so that will take up some time. I would expect around a 7/10 for activity in terms of numbers. Some days I will post much more than others, while some days I may not be able to post at all. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I work 11 hours… so those days are harder to get on for me, but I usually am on mobile between my clients at work, so I will check in every day to plot and whatnot even if I can’t post.

Acknowledgement: I acknowledge that the themes of this game may include triggering elements. I also acknowledge that my character may be harmed or even killed during paras/events or may cause harm to or kill others during paras/events through the violence roulette.

                                                   ჻    ჻    ჻   ჻

General IC Details

Name: Harry James Potter

Age: 17

Ships: I’m Harry/Ginny shipper, but it’s not necessary if the other person doesn’t like it. To me, Harry is very likely bisexual. But I don’t think he’s realized it yet. He’s only dated girls because he hasn’t really thought about anything else. He’s had crushes on boys, but hasn’t really understood that’s what they are yet. It wouldn’t be until after the war that he even realizes this about himself – it’s the 90s, so there’s not a whole lot of information out there yet – and he’s got some other pressing matters to think about instead of romance, anyway. That being said, even though shipping is great, I’m not really here for the ships anyway.

Gender/Pronouns: He/Him

Face Claim: Dev Patel

Desired Changes: I like the point made about Harry going on without his friends, especially since that’ll give me room for if I’m accepted but we don’t have a Ron and/or Hermione. However, I don’t see him abandoning Hermione all on her own – if Ron has not yet returned to them with the deluminator, I mean. So I have some ideas on how to navigate this, depending on which characters we have at the beginning of the rp. We can talk more about it, if I’m accepted. However, I just wanted to make a point that if it’s just Harry and Hermione or whatnot – then I could see him breaking her down until she’d come back with him. This all depends on which characters we have at the start, but I’d like some wiggle room if possible!

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BIO Questions

Biography:

Stuck in the cupboard under the stairs, Harry never would’ve pictured this life. He had a vivid imagination, if only to take away from the yelling of his uncle, the haughtiness of his aunt, the annoyance of his cousin. Growing up on Privet Drive hadn’t been easy for a boy with brown skin surrounded by white people who liked to stare. Either at his baggy clothes (hand-me-down from Dudley, of course, never something new for the unwanted nephew) or his scrawny build (the scraps of leftover food at the table designated for him) or the odd lighting-shaped scar on his forehead (the only thing left from his time with his parents). He used his imagination to get away from a household that didn’t want him – but never would’ve been expected anything like what happened on stormy shore in the middle of nowhere. A door breaking down, a giant man with a smile and the silliest – most beautiful – cake he’d ever seen. He’d never been anything other than the odd one out – and then he was told he was something special.

But special came with a cost. And Harry went from invisible on the best days to the center of attention. The Wizarding World had expectations and looked at him as though he was a hero. He discovered what he was meant to do not through choice, but through fate. It meant he could die. But having friends – having this life where people loved him – it was worth it, in the end. Finding out how his parents really died hadn’t been easy, nor had coming face-to-face (or back of head, as it were that very first time) with the man who’d murdered them, but Harry persevered. That could really sum up his time in this newfound world, really. Though his biggest memories revolved around fighting the dark arts – a soul in a chamber, an insane follower, a sociopathic teacher, or even the Dark Lord himself – those were not the things Harry would look back on fondly as he thought about the place where he felt welcomed for the very first time. No, it was enjoying the sun with Ron and Hermione. Or laughing around the table at the Burrow. The secluded corners with Ginny. He never asked for the title of the Boy Who Lived – he would rather be normal. And it was in those small moments without anything to worry about that he loved the most.

But, in the end, he can’t be just Harry. He is the Chosen One and it’s a job he takes seriously. Enough people have died alongside him in this fight. He’s seen it with his own eyes – dreamt about it. Lost the one person who could maybe give him a home outside Hogwarts. Another who could show him the way.Voldemort may be determined to win, but so is Harry. And now that he knows the truth behind his destiny, he’s ready to come charging towards it. Even if it means his own death.

School Year So Far:

He didn’t know what to expect when he left to find the horcruxes. Not really an adventure – finding pieces of Voldemort’s soul seemed more like a curse than anything – but maybe something more than what he had so far. It wasn’t until after Dumbledore was gone that Harry realized how much his old headmaster didn’t tell him. They had a vague idea on what these objects where, with no direction on where to go to find them. It wasn’t only that, though – Dumbledore didn’t tell him about the important things in his life and suddenly Harry found himself feelings exposed. He’d opened up and hadn’t got the same courtesy in return. He knew he was supposed to keep his between him, Ron, and Hermione – but they were out of clues. Out of ideas. Swimming around the same sort of mantra in his head. Maybe it was time to stop following blindly and make his own choices.

Harry didn’t go back to school at the beginning of the year and he was fairly certain he’d die if he did. But the school was like a magnet, summoning him to the grounds. He knew something was there. Knew it was where they were meant to end up. Even if Ron and Hermione thought that, if Dumbledore couldn’t find it, then Harry wouldn’t be able to either. His friends never really understood how important the place was, though. They had homes outside of the castle – real families. And perhaps even Dumbledore didn’t know all the secrets in those walls. Finding a place they belonged within the school was something both he and Voldemort had in common. And while it scared Harry that he could understand his enemy so well, he also knew he had to use it to his advantage. Look inside his head – see what he was planning next. But it wasn’t Voldemort’s head that valued Hogwarts in the same way Harry did – it was his heart. Even the darkest of people had something they needed.

They’re on a mission, but maybe it’s time to trust in something outside of logical and plans. Harry’s not willing to let his friends die. Even if that means facing off alone.

(Harry’s pretty important tbh, so I think it would be interesting if him coming back – either alone or with Ron/Hermione depending on which characters we get – could be a good plot drop for the group!)

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Open Themes (Optional)

I am open to the possibility of applying for one of these later. Right now, I don’t think having one would fit where Harry is at, but I’d like to explore the possibility of a curse or something else later on.

OOC Questions

Writing Sample

(set in DH, before the Order comes to get him from Privet Drive, but after the Dursleys have left to go into hiding)

The cupboard looked so small from where he stood. How he was able to sleep in here for so long, he no idea. Back then, it had seemed like his only sanctuary from his aunt, uncle, and cousin. Even when locked in there without dinner, alone with only the spiders to keep him company for hours, it was better than out there with everyone else. Because it meant that at least he couldn’t be scolded any longer. Though it did mean loneliness. He used to talk to his parents in there, sometimes, after the Durlseys turned out the lights. He whispered desperate confessions, pleas to come back. But, of course, no one could rise from the dead and he survived on his own.

It had been years since he even thought about speaking out loud to Lily and James, though he often wondered about him in his head. Harry didn’t know if that meant he was forgetting them – or if it was just because he’d found a new sort of family with Ron and Hermione. Could someone even forget people they’d never really known? His friends would be here soon with the Order and, when they stepped through the door, he needed to have the cupboard shut. No prying questions about why he was looking at the brooms with such a sad expression. None of Hermione’s soft, knowing eyes or Ron’s stare as they both figured out that this place meant something more to Harry than it would any other person.

Just a cupboard – small little walls and a couple of blankets. A cheap old mattress with lumps and holes. Broken toys lining the sides of the floor. That was all it would ever be to him now. And the bedroom on the next floor… that was never a home. In fact, it never even felt like his. Just some place he’d borrowed. This entire house only brought cold and lonely memories and Harry was ready to get out. He wanted to leave. The next time he lived somewhere, it would be his. But he couldn’t really think about that, not really. Not when there was a very real possibility he would never make it out of this war alive. Part of him was convinced it would happen, even.

There was no future past Voldemort. The path laid out on front of him was all Harry could see when he looked ahead, the Dark Lord and him standing at the end. He could not see around it – could not see a fork in the road. This was his destiny and he would die because of it. Though he was prepared to fight for the chance to live. He had other things he wanted to do – the images of Ginny laughing in the secluded corners of Hogwarts came to his mind and he could the picture of Ron and Hermione as they sat in their favorite chairs besides the fire in the Common Room – but the war ahead was more important than anything he wanted. People were dying for him.

He sighed and closed the door, bespectacled gaze falling on Hedwig. His lips twitched upwards into a smiling. “We’re leaving this place forever,” he said, his voice soft to the angry owl who was still ignoring him pointedly. “Don’t you want to say goodbye? All the happy memories.” And he laughed to himself before heading down the hall, waiting for his visitors at the door. Turning his back on the cupboard under the stairs.  Ready for what came next.

Exploration

I’d like to see something where the gang has to use Dark Magic for good. Like that graying of the lines. I mean, they were stuck on how to destroy the horcruxes for a long time. Without the sword, it would’ve been something Harry, Ron, and Hermione might’ve had to consider. Using Dark Magic in order to defeat Dark Magic.

That being said, I think it would be interesting if Harry eventually open up to more people about the horcruxes. He’s pretty angry with Dumbledore anyway after learning about all the things that the man kept from him, so I could see him telling the D.A. in a time of defiance. However, I wouldn’t want that to be right away. He’s gotta have his whole angsty this is my job! I can’t tell anyone! for a while. But Harry doesn’t really ask for help. Barty Crouch points it out in GoF when he talks about how he literally gave Neville the answer to Gillyweed. It’s not that he’s too proud, really – more like he just doesn’t think about it. Growing up with the Dursley’s, he had to do it on his own. He couldn’t ask for help or be comforted. So it’s second nature to try and figure it out on his own. Even opening up to Ron and Hermione wasn’t something that happened right away. Now, it’s natural to him to bring things up to them, but no one else. Even with them, he keeps many things to himself. Getting over that and actually asking for help to a larger crowd would be a struggle for him, but it would be something I would enjoy to play out.

As a general plot, I want to see action with the DA. This isn’t an rp where everything should be interpersonal or about relationship. There should be missions and action and defiance and rebellion. Bring on the burning torch as they try to take back the school. Also on this front – I’m eager to see how it’ll play out with Harry coming back to school and he’s not really the leader of this group he created. Yes, they’re on his side. Yes, they’re listen to him. But he doesn’t really get their struggle because he hasn’t lived under the Carrows. He wasn’t the brains of “Still Recruiting” and they look to Neville with those plans. Look to Ginny out on their proverbial battlefield. Doesn’t mean they won’t do what Harry needs – but what he needs isn’t always letting them scratch that itch of rebellion. His fight is more quiet, subtle. He needs to stay under the radar. And they’re done waiting for action.

I think it would also be important to explore the backlash of curses. They’re kids – not healers. There will be injuries and blood and things they can’t prevent. Limps and cuts and bruises. Dark Magic. The lingering of Cruciatus. I don’t want the injuries to get skimmed over. That being said, I wouldn’t be opposed to something happening to Harry as far as injury goes. He’s not invincible.

There’s a fifth simply because I couldn’t resist – but give me more Slytherins who help. More Ravenclaws who hurt. I am tired of JKR’s black and white thinking. Not every Slytherin is evil. Not every Gryffindor is good. Basically, I want everything to be a bit more gray.

[theyellowsubmarinefanremakeblog]

Part 6

(We switch to an old 1940s newsreel style.)

Reporter: Dateline Waterbloo! Year one of the new Meanie Imperium. Confidence is high as this new and proud nation works long and hard to establish its new government.

(Cut to the Blaumiesen reporter.)

Reporter: I'm here today in the land formally known as Pepperland but now as of recent known as Waterbloo.

(Cut to the fate of Pepperland: The Pepperlanders are sadly frozen in place, and there’s not a flower in sight. Well... there’s a flower, but that’s being eaten by a Stormblueper.)

Reporter: Though it is not easy to establish a government from the ground up, Waterbloo is fortunate to have hard working individuals making their regime stable. And here's one of them now. Bluford, recently appointed Minister of Trade. Tell me, new Minister, what does your new job exactly entail?

Bluford: I have a lot of stuff I can trade. From blue ore to human children’s tears and we're hoping we can trade them to other nations for goods and valuables. 

Reporter: So, you really think other nations will trade goods and valuables just for those?

Bluford: Oh, sure. North Korea would sell thirty percent of its military just for a video recording of human terror. (Stock footage of people running and screaming) Must be pretty rare there.

Reporter: Of course military forces aren't a major concern in Waterbloo, Secretary of Defense Shyaman assures the public that everything is well protected, especially from the horrors of music.

Shyaman: It's true that we're a small nation and are therefore more prone to attack. But we have a good drill sergeant who knows how to keep up the men's morale.

Drill Sergeant: Stand up straight! (punches Stormblueper) Tuck in ya shirt! (punches Hidden Persuader) Stop bein' so tall! 

Apple Bonker: Can’t help it. (PUNCH) Ow.

Drill Sergeant: YOU SAY SOMETHIN’?!

Stormblueper: C-c-c-Course not! ‘M deathly afraid of you!

(The drill sergeant pauses, then punches him in the face.)

Reporter: Looks like a solid team you've got there.

Shyaman: Indeed.

Reporter: However, there've been a few reports that you're a little gun crazy.

Shyaman: WHO SAID THAT?!

(He shoots the cameraman and then a test pattern appears.)

Reporter: But an invasion seems unlikely thanks to good relations kept by the Head of Immigration, Clodwal.

Clodwal: (on the phone) What do you MEAN you don’t agree with me?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE DEALING WITH?!

(He pounds a Countdown Clown’s nose. There is the distant sound of an explosion, and the phone goes dead.)

Reporter: Every nation needs a treasurer, and Waterbloo has Manikanth, who I understand also designed the flag for Waterbloo. True?

Manikanth: It is. And for a nation like Waterbloo, I figured that we really needed an epic flag. That's why I came up with a musclebound Stormblueper carrying machine guns and stomping on a music note. Because when people look at that, all they can say is "WATERBLOO!".

Reporter: Well, it looks like you fellas don't have a flagpole yet.

Manikanth: Well, we weren't exactly sure how to get their flag down and ours up. So, we're just using Oscar as our flagpole.

(Cut to Oscar the Apple Bonker atop a building and holding the flag, which the Stormbluepers salute.)

Reporter: And there are others looking out for the well-being of Waterbloo. Take Oldwin, for example. He is making sure everyone is in good shape acting as Waterbloo's Surgeon General.

Oldwin: In my short time as Surgeon General here in Waterbloo, I've made two amazing medical discoveries. One: When holding a gun, you will not die.

Reporter: Really? And how does that work exactly?

Oldwin: I'm holding one and I'm not dead. Science proven. Secondly, our research has shown that dieting and exercise does not help build healthy bodies. So, that's why I have encouraged everyone here to start smoking.

(Cut to Blaumiesen smoking and choking. One guy collapses.)

Oldwin: Studies show that smoking does well to strengthen the body and prevent disease.

Reporter: Your studies show that?

Oldwin: Of course. Right here on this chart. (looks at upside down clipboard, turns it over) Heh. What do ya know? (chuckles) I had this bloody thing upside down. Oh. That's hilarious.

Reporter: But not everyone in Waterbloo is questionably insane. Take for example, Sunil, the local shockjock radio propagandist. So, what exactly about the Waterbloo government bothers you so?

Sunil: Well, nothing really. It's just that people agree with angry hosts on the radio, it makes them feel better about themselves. So, in my own way. I'm helping the blue people's morale.

(The reporter looks towards camera and shifts his eyes awkwardly, as if to question how that would work.)

Reporter: Another person keeping up the morale is Livius who is now head officer for science and technology.

Livius: At first we didn't have much in the science department.

(Cut to a pump rocket launching.)

Livius: But, I'm certain we can get things to a more legitimate level.

Reporter: Well, there is someone in this nation that still does well to keep order in hand. This is Mr. Neel. Tell me, Neel, what are you going to do to keep this nation safe?

Mr. Neel: (a Hidden Persuader) Well, it's all about surprise to fool our enemy. We are trying to find those who are best able to blend into their environment. For example, we have discovered that Yahto here has a natural talent for camouflage. Isn't that right, Yahto?

Disembodied voice from the ether: Right!

Reporter: But, do you really think stealth and surprise are going to be enough to keep your enemies on their toes?

Mr. Neel: Oh, of course. It's all about illusion. In fact, I'm not even in front of you.

(Cut to the reporter holding the mic out, with Mr. Neel behind him. The reporter then turns around, startled.)

Reporter: Oh! Very good. Well, we all know what goes on outside the government building. Let's see what goes on inside the government building. (He extends his arm, and there is a WHACK.)

Yahto: OW!

Reporter: This is Secretary of State Max. Tell me, Max, what does a normal day entail for you?

Max: Well, mostly I come up with brilliant ideas and His Blueness then slaps me and claims them as his own.

Reporter: Does that pay well?

Max: Not really. But it sure does hurt a lot.

Reporter: And now for the moment you've all been waiting for! An interview with the man himself! The man who made Waterbloo possible! His Blueness, Chief Cerulio!

Cerulio: GREETINGS!

Reporter: Your Blueness, what are your plans now for this new, glorious nation?

Cerulio: Well, first, we plan on taking over the other Seas. Then, we plan on taking over the entire ocean. And then the world.

Reporter: Ah. And how do you plan on accomplishing this exactly?

Cerulio: I’ll give you a hint. It involves... total o-blue-teration.

Reporter: Well, thank you very much for your time.

Cerulio: Not at all.

Reporter: This has been a special report from Waterbloo.

(Cut to the Waterbloo Flag overlayed with the Glove chasing innocent bystanders, as Cerulio laughs at their misery. A donkey is then overlayed with him with a HEE-HAW. Scene changes to the Beatles and Jeremy, sneaking through Pepperland.)

Ringo: What do we do?

Paul: For now, we coagulate with the crowd.

(Cut to a Stormblueper on patrol. He looks around, as is sensing that something is up.)

George: Cutouts at the ready? Then let’s cut out!

(They sneak through the landscape with cutouts of Pepperlanders to disguise themselves. When the Stormblueper looks at them, they freeze. When he looks away, they continue on. Eventually, they reach the spot where Clef, along with three women, stand frozen. These three girls are the Sonata sisters, Razz, Dazz and Jazz.)

Ringo: He looks like a likely lad to help us.

(They secretly sing a few more bars of “Think for Yourself”, bringing both him and the Sonatas, who are within earshot, out of their immobilized state. He exhales, relieved to be free.)

Jazz: Thank goodness!

Razz: Are you here to liberate us?

Clef: Obviously, but sshhhh!

(They all hide as a Stormblueper passes by.)

Clef: We’d better hide in town.

(Dissolve to the group in Hearttown, Pepperland’s main town. They reach the Sonatas’ home and enter.)

Paul: Groovy place you’ve got.

Dazz: It’ll become even more beautiful once the land is restored.

John: So, what’s your story?

Clef: Well, first things first: The name’s Charlie Elfwood, but you can call me “Clef”.

John: Nice name, that.

(Cut to them having tea. Clef is chatting away.)

Clef: So these blue guys are poking me while I’m frozen and making fun of me, and while I’m trying to ignore them. I’m thinking ‘Well, hey! It could be worse!’ Then one of the tall guys comes along, and I think ‘Oh darn.’ He stops, takes one look at me, and then starts kicking me in the shin. Then all the other blue guys start joining in. So, I’m STUCK there wondering ‘How the heck am I gonna get out of this?’ Well then all of a sudden, that’s when the arrow finally slips outta my hand, and right now it just happens to be aimed right at the tall guy’s-

Jeremy: Ooh!

Clef: Yeah. Anyway, I can help you get those instruments. I know my way around that fort. I once showed my friend the place.

Ringo: Your friend, eh? Can he help out, too?

Clef: Actually, he’s the one that needs help. See, the Meanies got him locked up in there.

Paul: Why?

Clef: Well-uh-He’s... the Chief Meanie’s nephew.

Beatles: His nephew?!

Clef: Yeah.

(The smoke from the incense burning illustrates Clef’s story.)

Clef: We first met when he snuck into town one night. Turns out that he was tired of life in Azulia and wanted something more, so I gave him that. I taught him that life in Pepperland wasn’t as scary as the Meanies made it out to be, and pretty soon, we became the best of friends. But somehow, his uncle found out about it, and he got really mad. That’s what provoked him into taking over.

(The smoke dissipates as Clef finishes his tale.)

Clef: It’s my fault they’re here. And I gotta make up for it. That’s why I wanna join you in saving my friend and Pepperland.

John: Of course you can come! I mean, just because he’s blue, that doesn’t mean he’s a Meanie like the rest of them.

Clef: Great! So it’s settled. We get the instruments and my best friend out of there!

(Everybody nods in agreement.)

Clef: ‘Course, you’re gonna have to disguise yourselves if your gonna impersonate the band.

Ringo: He’s right, you know.

George: If we only had the uniforms.

(Jeremy smiles, then holds out a tailor’s kit.)

Clef: Okay, that’ll do!

[100scarystories]

Help me remember

In 6th grade, I was in the popular clique. I was the right-hand-man to the clique’s leader, Eric Bonner. I wasn’t the muscle, or the funny kid, or the one who always got along with parents… I was the support staff…. The person who would blindly follow Eric into a blazing fire or over a bridge… At that time, my loyalty was the most tangible thing I had.

I thought I’d never forget the day that Eric came by my house and said emphatically that we were going to egg Mr. Bruder’s lawn. Back then, the world seemed less frightening - and even so, I knew better than to mess with Mr. Bruder.

The rumor was that Mr. Bruder didn’t just kidnap and murder children, but that he ate their insides and stuffed their corpses so that he would forever have company to fill his otherwise empty home. There wasn’t a lot of validity to this and tales of his rampages tendencies were always spoken of during late night campfires describing victims who had unsurprisingly generic names.

And even though at 11 years old I was capable of rationalizing that Mr. Bruder wasn’t truly dangerous, the day Eric told me of his plans, my blood ran cold. But as a follower, I kept these sentiments to myself and exclaimed what a great idea it was - already plotting how to get a dozen eggs for the occasion.

The night of the prank, there were supposed to be 5 of us. By lunch period 2 had already chickened out. I would have given anything to be one of those guys - confident enough to just say no to a bad idea. Of course, if I was one of those guys - there’d be no point to this story.

At 8PM, only an hour before curfew and at the moment when the sky turns dark, we met 5 blocks away from Mr. Bruder’s home. It was me, Eric, and Sammy - who was as notorious for disrupting class as his dad was for being the town drunk.

‘You ready Drew?’ Eric asked me as I tentatively stepped into the group, with my stolen eggs still sandwiched between my chest and shirt.

In the absence of my reply Sammy exclaimed ‘Let’s get this show on the road Shitheads!’ - Sammy could always curse - that’s just how it was.

So we sauntered a few blocks, with me trailing reluctantly behind Sammy and Eric.

When we approached the house, to me, it was the stuff of nightmares. Until then, I had only heard tall-tales. I had never truly seen the structure in all its glory - and likewise, I had never really seen Mr. Bruder or known anyone who had.

What seemed to tower above us was 4 stories of blackened bricks. The mansion almost breathed like a live being - the darkness smoking from the foundation and siding as though it was a burn victim struggling to expel the smothering smoke from their lungs.

There were no windows - only the tall black structure that sucked any ambient light from the atmosphere around it. Where there should have been grass, there was none. There was no hint of this being a home - no fence, no garage, no garden. I could have swore that sections of the house’s exterior seemed wet and more vibrant - as though the structure was bleeding. Was it this frightening in the daytime? That’s a question I’ll never be able to answer.

A sole door, really just a suggestion of one, signified an entrance. We stood there, too amazed to move, and in my case - too frightened to provoke whatever this house really was.

Only when the egg I was gripping exploded in my hand did I snap out of it. Ever the adventurer… Eric said ‘Drew, you take the first shot.’

For a moment I didn’t realize what was being suggested until I realized that like me, my psycho and ringleader friend were scared shitless. Always ready to take one for the team, I mumbled ‘sure’.

I wasn’t just a loyal 11 year old, I was a damn good baseball pitcher. But after that night, I’ll never know if I would have actually succeeded in baseball.

I wound up with the egg and let it fly… At first I wasn’t sure it would hit the house, but when it did all tension was relieved. Eric and Sammy rejoiced and decided that now was the time to begin enthusiastically pelting the house with as many eggs as possible.

I had just thrown the one, but my friends were about 10 eggs in before I realized what was happening. We weren’t actually hitting Mr. Bruder’s home, it was absorbing whatever we threw at it. I noticed this but didn’t process it soon enough to stop what happened next.

Sammy, in his excitement screamed ‘Let’s fuck this mothafucker up!’ running towards the house, ready to break in or break something or god knows what.

Eric absorbed his rallying cry and led the charge directly towards the house.

I stood there hopeless - wetting my pants - aware of what would happen next simply by the feeling I got.

As they neared the house - two 12 year olds excited by the concept of mayhem, they seemed to finally grasp their fate. But it was too late and the pull was too strong. I watched as Sammy’s flesh was ripped off of his torso. As he turned to please his audience, his smile and the flesh on his face were ripped leaving only his quickly dimming eyes that left his body soon after. Realizing too late what was happening, Eric tried to stop his forward momentum only to have his necessary organs fly through his chest and be swallowed by the house.

By the time it had sucked the flesh off my friend’s bones leaving pristine skeletal remains, I was so scared shitless that I was sobbing harder than I knew was possible. But that wasn’t the end of their torture. As I backed away from the home hoping to awake from this nightmare, I heard their screams. Built into the foundation of Mr. Bruder’s home were bleeding, breathing, dark condensed bricks that screamed in pain and sorrow in the voices of my friends. And in one moment, I could hear so many screams and cries for help at once that I thought I would pass out from the fear and pain radiating through my entire body.

And that’s exactly what I did.

Awaking in my bed was the most welcome relief I had ever felt in my 11 years on earth. I could smell bacon and pancakes and couldn’t wait to tell Eric about my crazy dream.

When I got to school and realized that neither Eric or Sammy were there I was at first confused, but then realized that such a coincidence seemed more sinister. I asked our teacher Mrs. Maury where they were and she gave me a peculiar look, as though I had asked to go to the nurse’s office.

At lunch period, I frantically ran home and asked my mom to call Eric’s mother.

‘Eric? Is that a new friend hun?’

‘No mom,’ I breathlessly shouted ‘Eric is my best friend! You know him!’

‘I’m sorry sweetheart, but I don’t think I’ve met Eric before.’

Panicked, I said ‘Ok, well can you call Sammy’s parents? Sammy Mahoney? You’re good friends with Mrs. Mahoney right?!’

‘Yes Andrew, but Mrs. Mahoney doesn’t have any children - is Sammy a nephew?’

‘MOM they were taken by Mr. Bruder! I swear on my life - I was there, we made a mistake and I’m sorry but we have to help them please!’

It was like a switch had been turned. Once I had said Mr. Bruder’s name, my mother’s face became an entirely blank slate. For the second time in 24 hours, I began to sob.

You’d have to know my mother to know that she was being straight with me. Her eyes filled with concern as the realization hit me that I was either insane, or something bigger was at play here.

I didn’t want to be committed to a mental hospital. I had heard stories of a long lost uncle who they had to institutionalize for his paranoid delusions, and even at 11 - I knew better.

I tried to find the house, but never could. I could never even find a record of Mr. Bruder’s existence. He and my friends faded into the background - unremembered or recorded by anyone.

So I made it through middle school - and then high school - and then college. I always knew what had happened, but antidepressants and anti anxiety meds helped me cope and my eccentricities as a child helped me begin to believe that I had been truly… disturbingly imaginative.

My life is good enough - it’s normal enough. I have a wife who is too beautiful and smart for me, and an adolescent son who keeps me on my toes. Every day is as much of an adventure as I’d like to experience.

My son is a ringleader - he’s charismatic and popular. Today’s a much more scary time than when I grew up. We’re not helicopter parents, but yeah - as Andy is 12 and we keep a watchful eye on him. I heard him telling his friends that they should prank Mr. Bruder. And it’s not that I’m so scared of what could be a coincidence or some pre-teens having fun… I’m worried because I already can’t seem to remember my son’s face or all the things that make him ours. It’s already dark outside and my wife isn’t worried about… our son’s curfew. There was something important I had to remember… but I can’t seem to remember.