#and he got so integrated into the family that my grandparents call him their son

[realbacchus]

My favorite type of family members are just those random friends who get claimed by someone and then stick around long enough to be considered children, siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents....

[jntz0m]

Chapter I: Hajimari

       As I sit here, trying to find the right words, I can’t help but think back on all the steps I’ve taken to get to this moment. Every step I've taken feels like a small part of who I am, like a piece in a puzzle forming my story life. From the carefree days of my childhood to the chaotic times of growing up, and now, navigating the complexities of adulthood, my life has been a mix of highs and lows, laughter and tears. So as I write these words, I invite you to join me on this journey through the chapters of my life.

              

                         At 6:00 p.m., my mom was rushed to Mandaluyong City Medical Center. The nurses took my mom to the Labour, Delivery, and Recovery Room (LDR). By 7:00 p.m. On February 20th, I was pronounced born. Born at ninety-nine ounces, my mom was holding her youngest child. She gazed at me with delight. At first, my dad wanted to name me “Armando S. Monteclaro The Third” to take after him and my grandpas’ names, but my mom disagreed; I would also disagree; that was such a bad name suggestion. Maybe my father was joking when he said that, because I'm the third child, so he will name me “Armando the third.” My mother then looked back at me again with a bright smile and named me “Jonathan.” “Jonathan S. Monteclaro” was the third child of her.

                          I was born into a big family with two older brothers. Both of my parents worked at their own sari-sari store before they established their own store. Mom used to work abroad as a maid in different countries like Japan, Russia, and the UAE. Dad had different jobs, such as hotel manager, cook, and driver, to provide for the family. My two older brothers were jealous of me because of the way my parents treated me. I was spoiled to say the least. Before I was born, my family was poor and didn't have much money. So my parents didn't have much to give to my two older brothers. My father's side family’s reaction to my birth was exuberant. My grandparents celebrated my birth, and I felt the family's love; it was right to call it home. At a very young age, they were spoiling and protecting me. Looking back, I was a very cute and adorable baby. Who wouldn’t spoil a cute and adorable baby, right?

                     That was the only earliest memory that I can recall when I was a baby/toddler. Thanks to my mom for telling me some parts of the story. New memories covered up my old memories, so I’ve forgotten most of my memories. There are minor details of it, but not the whole picture of it. It's often like a blurry vision and a dream, almost. It’s there, but I cannot seem to remember all of it. 

             My eldest brother’s name is "Ericson." . I like to describe him as a hard-working brother; at the age of 14, he was very mature. My brother realised that being delinquent won't help our family situation any better. So taking a step forward and being an ideal older brother for us to be disciplined, as he already had seen how hard life was at a young age. My older brother's name is "Biannong.” He is a very rebellious, stubborn, and troublesome older brother. He always causes trouble for my parents, whether inside or outside school. My brother Biannong was frequently getting expelled for cutting classes and fighting with his classmate in Addition Hills Integrated School (AHIS). He even stole money from my parents and got away with it and later found out he stole it. I was the favorite son out of us three brothers. Well, I can say that because my parents always give me whatever I want, From toys to clothes. I remember having three sacks full of toys. It was ridiculous that at that time, they had to sell and donate those toys to other kids. I was also the one who attracted most of the attention to the family, I was the favorite child out of the three brothers. 

     

          Regarding being a complete family, my mom wasn’t always there for me, and my aunt Elvie was the one who raised me to be who I am today. Well, I understand that because my mom used to work in Japan, and she has to go outside the country for work. But sometimes there are moments in life that we want a hug. A hug from the person you cherish. At that time, I never understood why Mom is always not there for me. It felt uneasy.

                      I cried,

                     cried,

                    and cried

           I cried. wanting, craving for my mom to come back, to feel her warmth and affection, and to hug her more. I couldn't do anything, and I felt lonely and then darkness. I asked my aunt Elvie if she remembered what I did, but she and I could not remember. This memory was hazy; my aunt couldn’t know what I was talking about. The story isn’t finished. It’s just starting.

- Next chapter Corpuz-

[shmegmilton]

could you talk a bit about fredrick? idk anything about him.

(he was a lazy scoundrel, that’s what! lol. Ahem..)

Augustine James Frederick Prevost (they just called him Frederick) was one of Theodosia’s sons from her 1st marriage. The oldest, I believe; they were still teens when Burr & Theo Sr. married, so they lived in the household and Burr treated them like they were his own kids, by which I meant he expected a certain standard from them and was very active in their lives like he was with Theo Jr. I’m sure he also officially adopted them, like he did with other children he took guardianship of. One of the things he did for them was, when they were still teenagers/young adults he had them clerk in his law office and essentially hold down the fort while he was away at Senate.

But Burr was super strict about wanting his kids to write him as often that he wrote them, which was pretty much daily. He wanted constant updates on school, about their day, etc., and Frederick being the oldest he seemed to rely really heavily on him to give updates on his mom’s health, which Federick seemed to either forget to do or refuse to do a lot of the time. There are a couple of letters Burr wrote to his wife where he’s just FUMING about how lazy/dismissive Frederick was being.

In Burr’s own words, he seemed to be a bit stand-offish, shy, lazy (but Burr’s standard of “lazy” is “not spending every waking moment of your day doing something productive”, so it’s not saying much) & the type of person that you need to get to know first before they start showing you their good qualities—all personality traits Burr has a hard time dealing with. If I had to guess, Frederick (who was 16 when his mom remarried) was very resistant to his new stepdad; a lot of shouting & teenage rebellion & ‘you’re not my real dad!’, the typical stepchild vs stepparent stuff—Burr was also only 10 years older than Frederick so I’m sure that was weird.

He was also not as eager to be involved in family life as Burr thought was appropriate, but that’s mostly a Burr problem. Burr was a very family-oriented person, and I’m sure a lot of that had to do with not having a connection with his own parents or grandparents; he wanted constant letters (& would guilt his kids if they didn’t write him fast enough), he would visit with them as often as possible, and if they had kids he would take an interest in their lives. We don’t know much about his adulthood, but we know by 1804 he was married and living in Weston a couple hours from Burr’s home in Manhattan, but by that point was in his late 30’s and definitely seemed to want nothing to do with the family.

Here’s an excerpt from a letter he sent to Joseph Alston (Theo Jr.’s husband) in case he died in his duel with Hamilton:

“The elder Prevost, Augustine James Frederick Prevost, is a most amiable and honorable man. Under the garb of coarse rusticity you will find, if you know him, refinement, wit, a delicate sense of propriety, the most inflexible intrepidity, incorruptible integrity and disinterestedness. I wish you could know him; but it would be difficult, by reason of his diffidence and great reluctance to mingle with the world. It has been a source of extreme regret and mortification to me that he should be lost to society and to his friends. The case seems almost remediless, for, alas! he is married!"

It kind of makes a sense to me that Frederick would act that way; after your parent remarries/later dies, it’s very easy for stepchildren to feel like they’re now detached from the situation & don’t have to interact with the stepfamily anymore, especially if they were standoffish to begin with. I do believe Burr really loved him and was hurt by this, though, even if he was a bit frustrating.

Another (sad) thing of note is Frederick is the only child of Burr’s to outlive him. He also had one child who I don’t believe Burr ever got to meet.

[hoplessdreamer9796]

BTS 8th Member - Profile

Name: Kim Y/N  Date of Birth: 16/09/1996 Ethnicity: Half Arabic and half Korean Nationality: Is British but after moving to Korea obtained dual citizenship (I don’t know if this is a thing but if it’s not let’s just pretend)

Appearance: > Navy Blue eyes > Dimples > 5″8 > Light golden tan skin > Curves and athletic > Looks Korean due to eye shape and Arabic due to eye colour. Mainly looks Korean but it is obvious she is half.  > Tattoos:  1) “Familia Super Omnia” (”Family Above All” written in Latin on left shoulder blade). 2) Initial and birthdays of her younger brothers on left wrist and older brothers on right wrist (Just her brothers... For now...). “No oppa I don’t love you that much I just often forget your existence.”  3) Matching tattoo with Hanbin of the Neverland stars on right shoulder blade.  4) Matching tattoo with Shinhye of a forget me not flower on their upper thighs.  5) ARMY written on both sides of her index finger because, “Now they can see my love from both angles,” cue Jin face palming.

Basic Information:  > Born in England moved to Korea when 11 years old.  > IQ of 162 and has an eidetic memory but terrible at remembering birthdays. > Can memorise choreography after seeing it once.  > Is a main singer of BTS, like Jungkook, and is Hoseok’s second dancer in command.  > Graduated high school after the first grade at age 16 (international age). > Was on the track and swimming team during high school and middle school. Could not attend practices as she had to work so much but the coaches still allowed her to be on the team as she was advantageous in competitions. She has always been first in every swim and track meet she competed in. > Was not able to go to university at first as her family couldn’t afford it. But when BTS and her company was stable and doing well she was able to get a physics degree from Seoul National University (mainly online classes due to schedule, they normally don’t allow this but they decided they wanted her to attend the school due to her IQ and status. She attended classes when she could and did exams at the school) Got her degree in one year.  > Speaks 7 languages: English, Korean, Arabic, Chinese (both Mandarin and Cantonese) Thai, Japanese. (Learnt Chinese, Thai and Japanese in order to connect with fans better.) > Can play the piano, guitar, can beatbox, can play drums and also the violin but doesn’t like playing the violin (will be explained later). > CEO of Jeonsa Corporation which is comprised of Almira’s (a restaurant franchise where her mother created all the recipes) and Jeonsa cosmetics.  > Became world’s youngest self-made billionaire at the age of 21 in 2017 (In this AU Kylie Jenner became billionaire at 22 and was the world’s fastest self-made billionaire).  > Terrible with feelings in general. > Is okay at showing affection with people but as soon as the conversation starts to get deep and emotional, she spazzes out.  > Drinks way too much alcohol and loves clubbing. > Only likes casual flings as she’s too busy and doesn’t want to commit. (For now...) > Even though she has more than enough money she won’t leave BTS as she loves what she does.  > At first didn’t want to join BTS (will be explained later). > Very charming and charismatic, flirts with anything that breathes.  > Hates her birthday. > Buys way too many cars and drives too fast.  > Owns a lot of real estate. > Terrified of bugs mainly spiders (will be explained later).  > Swears way too much and it triggers Jin.  Family:  Grandmother (biological fathers side) - Kim Soojin (17/07/1953) - Unemployed Grandfather (biological fathers side) - Kim Woosuk (23/08/1952) - Unemployed  They both allowed Y/N, Adriel and Adonis to live with them on days when their mother would work nights. Y/N mainly looker after them as they weren’t able to find much work in their old age. Some of the most precious people in Y/N’s life. Grandfather (Stepfathers side) - Kim Wonshik (30/06/1955) - CEO of Hanam Hospital (I made it up)  He thinks of his son’s stepchildren as his own grandchildren. He loves them very much. Whenever his grandchildren are free, he likes playing golf with them. Y/N at first was nervous that he wouldn’t accept her and her siblings as they were not fully Korean and poor. But she was surprised how much he loved and accepted them so easily. Mother - Kim Almira (21/03/1974) - Head chef at one of the branches of Almira’s in Seoul. She has not been able to be a part of her Children’s lives as she would have liked because when she was not working at the restaurant she was working somewhere else or sleeping. She often feels guilty at how much of her childhood Y/N has missed out. It also makes her feel grateful for having such amazing children. She often blames herself for Y/n being so emotionally closed off but it’s as if her daughter knows when she’s feeling like this and will take her mother shopping in Milan and Paris. A life that she didn’t even think was possible. Or even just spend the day helping her cook. And she thanks the stars for giving her 7 amazing children. Stepfather - Kim Haeil (24/07/1973) - Cardiothoracic Surgeon who met Almira at the restaurant. He quickly became mesmerised with the foreign beauty with the light hazel eyes. He often found himself stopping by Almira’s more and more often. Having little dates in the gardens halfway between the hospital and the restaurant. They fell in love quickly; He grew to love her kids that he saw when he went to the restaurant to visit Almira. He became protective over them especially Y/N who’s eyes looked far too old to belong to a teenager, seeing how much their family struggled he wanted to marry Almira a few months after they started dating and help them, he cared for them greatly. Y/N told her Mother that she didn’t want him to pay off their debt out of pity. They were working so hard what was the point if someone did it for them. She didn’t need someone to take care of them. In reality she was worried he would be like Insu. Y/N had no problem with Haeil, you hadn’t seen your mother so happy for years and you didn’t object to their relationship, however you didn’t need someone’s charity, which back then due to your pride was what you thought of it as. You also reminded your Mother that she had only known this man for a few months and asked her to get to know him better before considering marriage. Your mother although saddened by your inability to take the easy way accepted your decision. They waited until you had paid off all of your family’s debt before he had taken her back to their special garden and proposed to her there. It’s easier to call Haeil Dad than Insu. You love him very much at first it was weird having a father figure that actually cared and you never really got used to having a protective father who loved you so much. Biological Father - Kim Insu (13/03/1971) - Unemployed. Abusive to Y/N and Almira. When he would try to hurt her little brother’s Y/N would never let him. He never hurt her older brother as he claimed that his son never did anything wrong. Elijah probably hated him the most because of this, if he tried to protect his sister his father would just hurt her more. He felt powerless as he was not able to protect his younger siblings. As Almira was at work most of the time Y/N got the worst of his treatment. The only thing he cares about is money, women, alcohol and gambling. In England around Y/N had just turned 11 he got a divorce and left them, much to everyone’s relief. However, after you had started making a lot of money after debut and when the restaurant started doing well, he showed up in your life again. Your grandmother was so happy. He threatened to tell his parents the truth about what he did unless you paid him. The thought of your grandparents knowing what kind of a monster their son was sickened you so you struck a deal, he stays away from the rest of you family and spends two hours a week with your grandparents in order to get paid ₩250,000,000 every week. He accepted and now your grandparents are happy to be in their son’s life with you protecting them from the real him the best you can.   Stepbrother - Kim Jaejoon (23/07/1991) - General Surgeon. He met Y/N at the hospital when he went to visit his father and Y/N was dropping off food for her future stepfather that her mother had sent. He had recognised her from how his father’s at the time girlfriend had described her. Her blue eyes standing out in the sea of ordinary brown. He introduced himself to her and told her he was her mother’s boyfriend’s son (cringing inwardly at how awkwardly he said that). Y/N had just smirked in amusement at his awkward state trying to hold back her laugh and introduced herself. The more he talked to you the more he realised how smart you were. You could easily keep up with him when he talked about his job. He also met his future brothers that day when the two family’s got dinner together. It was surprisingly easy for the two families to integrate. He quickly grew protective of his future younger siblings. He wished that Y/N hadn’t been so stubborn and had let their parents gotten married in order to make things easier but understood that it was something she had to do and his sister is the most stubborn person he knows. He is very protective over his sister and often lectures her on her drinking and clubbing antics. He nags at her so much it’s ridiculous, fuck when he saw her first tattoo, he threw a fit it was hilarious. He can’t see her as anything other than that wide eyed teenager with sad blue eyes, she’s gotten to good at hiding that look. >Sister in Law - Jeon Haeun (12/08/1992) - Vascular Surgeon  >Niece - Kim Seoyeon (29/01/2018) - N/A  >Nephew - Kim Youngsoo (31/05/2019) - N/A  Full blooded Brother - Kim Elijah (17/03/1993) - Cardiothoracic Surgeon. He is very grateful to Y/N as she is the one that practically had to force him to go to university for medicine. He didn’t want to leave his family and he also knew that their family wasn’t financially able to send him there. Y/N told him that they’ll manage but he still refused. But when you told him that when he becomes a doctor and starts earning money he can provide for their family; he was determined to do this. He said that he would get part time jobs and send money, but you told your mother and him that you’d take care of everything and for him to focus on school. You had to cut back on a lot of thing but were able to get him into a student dormitory, a small and cheap one but that's all you could do, a food budget and a bus pass. He was very grateful and guilty. He was determined to succeed and help their family. But it turns out that you managed to do that before him. Years later he found out that after you graduated high school at 15 you had been offered a full scholarship to Seoul National University for medicine but you had declined as you had to help your mother provide for your family and pay off your debts. He was especially angry since he also went to Seoul National University (like all of your brothers who went to university) and felt like he robbed you of the opportunity. He got into a huge argument with you when he found out. After the fight you two drank and reminisced about the few good childhood memories you had. He babies you a lot and is very overprotective of you. Stepbrother - Kim Taejoon (27/04/1993) - Trauma and Orthopaedic Surgeon. He’s the kind of brother to randomly stop by your office and force you to lunch with him. He’s the cliché overprotective brother, glares at any boy that looks in her direction and hates basically everything she wear unless they’re baggy. A part of him hates Y/N’s noncommittal attitude to relationships because well that’s his sister and well eww but the other part of him is glad. Glad that his sister will never allow herself to get emotionally hurt but it also saddens him that she won’t ever open herself up to love. He coddles her a lot always texting if she’s had dinner and checking on her when on tour. As much as you complain when he coddles you love it. Full blooded Brother - Kim Adriel (18/02/1997) - Footballer plays for Liverpool, (I have no clue I legit searched premier league football clubs and picked the first one) is the youngest Korean ever football player to make it into the premier league (Don’t know). Lives in England most of the time. You are the most precious person in the world to him. He is a lot more intuitive that his twin brother and was able to find out sooner than Adonis about their financial situation. After finding out he started waking up earlier to make his grandparent’s breakfast to let you sleep a bit more. At first you protested but the thought of even an extra hour of sleep sounded heavenly. He felt so guilty about how he acted before he knew and so when he found out he sobbed in your arms apologising. And your heart broke you always wanted to shield him from that. When he moved back to England, he was very anxious at the thought of living far from you. He texts you every single day, needing at least some form of communication to stop him from worrying about you.  Full blooded Brother - Kim Adonis (18/02/1997) - Youtuber and is living in England. He moved back there when he was 16 in 2013. His channel had 500,000 subscribers but was not making any money. He played games online with different youtubers and became close with them. They explained how they make a living off of YouTube and he became excited at the thought of pursuing this career. While it was a risk especially with his family’s financial situation at the time, he knew he had to do it. While his entire family was against it, especially Adriel, you convinced your mother to let him go and used all the money you saved for a rainy day to buy him a phone and a plane ticket on the condition that he attends online high school. He lived with a family friend until he could start supporting himself. As of now has amassed seventeen million subscribers. He visits Korea whenever he can, if you’re there, to see you. He’s regretful about how much pressure he put on you in order to achieve his dreams but whenever you tell him how proud you are with that glint in your blue eyes he knows that you mean it. Adrien and Adonis are fraternal twins. When they were young, they were very close. However, when Adonis wanted to move to England to further his YouTube career, Adriel was vehemently against it. Not because he didn’t love his brother and of course he’d miss him but because of the fact that Adonis wanted to make their situation even harder than it already was. That he wanted to make his sister work harder than she already did on something he wasn’t even sure would work. Due to this difference of opinions Adrien and Adonis grew apart and when Adonis went to England, they didn’t contact each other unless you made them. However, after Adrien moved to England they began to reconnect and slowly but surely their relationship began to heal. Much to your relief. The twins are the most attached to you as you are both a mother figure and sister to them. There is an unspoken rivalry and tension between them and Jungkook as they all get jealous and territorial over you. Stepbrother - Kim Hanuel (25/06/1997) - Studying Law at Seoul National University. He graduated high school a year early, then attended university for a year before enlisting in the military as soon as he could. He wanted to get it over with so he could focus on his future without it looming over his head. He finished his university degree in two years with a bachelor’s in law. He graduated at age 22 (International age) which was the same age as most people who were graduating however he had the advantage of having completed his military service. He is the younger brother Y/N sees the most as he lives in Seoul. You have sacrificed a lot for your family and would do anything for them.

[tessiete]

“Perhaps, I killed a Jedi and took it from him.” Clumsy fingers beneath sleek synth leather gloves close over the hilt, the silver of it glinting merrily in the grasp of a cold fist. “Impossible,” Lord Vader says. “I am growing tired of your games, boy. I shall only ask once more: who gave it to you?” “I cannot say,” he replies. “Cannot?” says Vader. “Or will not?” “I will not.” His voice is firm, and does not shake. He reaches again for that serenity: a flash of copper hair, [...] of blue eyes.

This is for the writer’s ask where you ask about 500 characters of one of my fics, and I do a deep dive analysis! <3 Thank you for indulging me.

Alright! Better late than never but I’ve been overthinking this because I DO SO LOVE process and meta! So let’s dive in. The commentary.

First of all, let me say that I am a huge proponent of  Korkie Kenobi - and yeah, I’d love to see it canonised - but I think my relationship with this character is a bit more nuanced than people give me credit for.

I was all for arospec/acespec Obi-Wan. That’s the canon I loved. And I was very much not interested in Satine when she first appeared in TCW. But the thing was, once it happened, once they introduced a love interest who played a significant enough role in the story, I felt I could either ignore it...or roll with it. See what it changed. See what it created.

Obviously, the relationship - on a surface level (and tbh probably the only level which the writers considered) is meant to mirror Anakin and Padme. They are the road not taken. Where Anakin and Padme chose each other, Obi-Wan and Satine chose their duties.

This is a...I don’t like this take as an exclusive one, and here’s why: it implies that Padme was also selfish, and made the wrong choice. And yet everything in canon tells us the opposite. She continued working. She jeopardised her career and her reputation to fight against the rise of the Empire. She gave her life trying to prevent it. To put her as a direct mirror of Satine is messy, and to me, cannot justify the creation of Satine enough to convince me.

But I also don’t want to throw away such a huge chunk of TCW narrative. So the other option is to reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally lean in.

At which point, you have to examine not just the immediate symbolism of the relationship, but what each character individually brings. You have to give Satine her own agency. She has to become her own person. Suddenly, all the little bits of information that would normally be overlooked become important. We get so little of her, that everything becomes significant.

And Korkie - who hangs around for a couple episodes, but otherwise has no real importance, suddenly becomes significant.

And that, for me, is the crux of the issue. I hate, hate, hate wasted story elements, and if Korkie is so superfluous as to be negligible, then why did we waste not just money, and time, but story on him. And if he is unimportant, then his relationship to Satine is unimportant. And if that relationship is insignificant, then we lose something integral and revealing about Satine, and now suddenly there is less of her to relate to Obi-Wan, and so anything revealed about him becomes less important, too.

Maybe this feels like a stretch, and maybe it is, but to me, Korkie feels very much like Chekhov’s gun.

And it would drive me CRAZY if he were to go unexamined, and unused.

So this whole story was an examination of “What does Korkie tell us about Obi-Wan that we didn’t know before? And what can Korkie tell us about Vader?”

Because what is Vader if not Obi-Wan’s Fallen son?

This was essentially the thesis for this piece: despite the fact that Vader/Anakin had all of Obi-Wan’s attention, love, and time it is Korkie who truly embodies the legacy of his father.

And while I know that “found family” is a massively important part in the SW universe, I think there’s a larger discussion to be had about other aspects of family. The answer isn’t always that Blood is Bad, and that heritage is shameful or unimportant. Sometimes, where you came from does matter. Some people do find strength, and pride, and hope, and motivation, and support in their origins - even if it’s something they’re divorced from in a physical or temporal way.

For me, Korkie is an opportunity to examine a father/son relationship where neither of the two people have an attachment beyond blood, but -

There is still one of love. 

But instead of Anakin’s selfish, possessive love for his family, both Obi-Wan and Korkie relate to each other, and treat each other with empathy, compassion, and respect. Their love is noble. Selfless. They put entire worlds before each other. And Korkie learned that from his dad.

A personal pet peeve is this constant depiction of kids whose parents are in high stakes jobs feeling neglected or abandoned. How many cop shows have bratty kids acting out because their dad is never home to share dinner? How many medical dramas show the children of doctors lashing out because mom spends more time at work than at ballet class? 

It drives me crazy.

As the child of a medical worker with an on-call schedule, I can say that neither I, nor my siblings, nor any of the other children of my mum’s coworkers have EVER felt neglected. We have never felt unfairly or selfishly entitled to our parents’ time. Because we knew - because someone (another parent? A grandparent? A teacher?) explained to us, and taught us at a young age that what our parents were doing was important. We understood that there were life or death stakes, and that we were very loved, and very much the priority - just not every second. Because sometimes, a life was on the line.

And Obi-Wan Kenobi was fighting to save a galaxy. 

I just cannot in any way believe that a child whose mother was a ruler of a planet plagued with civil unrest and a significant terrorist group, and whose father was a Jedi Master, and in charge of securing peace and freedom across the stars would ever be so selfish, and so uncompassionate as to begrudge the sacrifice of his parents.

Korkie Kenobi is an abject example of selfless love. The kind of love the Jedi aspire to. The kind of love that Anakin absolutely does not understand, and fails to embrace.

And it’s not because Qui-Gon died (Korkie never had that kind of paternal relationship), and it’s not because Shmi was killed (Korkie’s mother also dies tragically), but because of the maturity of the person, and the quality of Korkie’s character.

So to pit a Korkie just coming into his own as an adult, aware of his father, and recently bereaved of his mother against a Vader just coming into his own as a Sith…

That, to me, evoked very interesting narrative avenues to explore.

In this universe, Korkie and Obi-Wan have recently reconnected (Korkie having helped Boil retrieve Obi-Wan from an ill-advised trip to Mandalore where Obi-Wan learned that Anakin had become Vader for the first time), and they both know what they are to each other. Obi-Wan has begged for forgiveness, and given Korkie his lineage, and his legacy in the form of Qui-Gon’s lightsaber - something that Anakin never got. Vader wants it.

So let’s get into it:

“Perhaps, I killed a Jedi and took it from him.” 

This first line - it’s like poetry, it rhymes.

Vader asks where Korkie got the blade, and Korkie replies...in Qui-Gon’s words. He doesn’t know this, of course. It’s just a coincidence. But the remains of Anakin hear it. Anakin recognises it, and it galls him that this boy - Obi-Wan’s replacement of him - seems to be able to claim the lineage he wishes he had. Korkie is stealing his family. And he doesn’t know them. He doesn’t deserve them. He’s not entitled to them the way Anakin is. 

And this is also one of the first things Anakin ever heard a Jedi say. This was the beginning of Qui-Gon’s promise. This is a moment in which Anakin first thought he might find salvation. It was the start of his life, in some ways. This was pure, good, and trusting Anakin Skywalker. 

It’s an absolute anathema to him, now. Now, when he’s lost everything. When he’s filled with doubt, and hate, and fear, and suffering. It makes him angry. Because he doesn’t want to see that he was Korkie. He doesn’t want to see that he had this chance, and blew it. And Korkie - who never had Qui-Gon, who never had Obi-Wan - can speak the words without even (in Anakin’s mind) earning them.

Also, and most obviously, Anakin killed the Jedi. And yet...he didn’t kill Obi-Wan. He did not kill that Jedi, and take this blade.

Korkie is alive. Obi-Wan is alive. Anakin resents it. Obi-Wan should not exist without him. Obi-Wan should have no legacy but Vader. Because Anakin doesn’t. 

Clumsy fingers beneath sleek synth leather gloves close over the hilt, the silver of it glinting merrily in the grasp of a cold fist. 

To me, it was important that we see the weakness of Vader. His hands are not his own. The flesh of Anakin Skywalker is gone, and beneath the serenity of the mask, and the shadow of black, he’s fumbling. Korkie’s wrong-footed him, and he feels young, and insufficient in the face of this boy. This is all about Anakin’s insecurity.

Korkie speaking words he shouldn’t know - speaking in the voice of a literal Jedi - so calm, and so collected (negotiating with the serenity of his father) scares Anakin. He’s hearing and seeing the ghosts of the people he betrayed. 

And the blade itself is merry because it belongs in the hand of Korkie. It knows (and the narrative knows) that it won’t be long in Vader’s grasp. It transcends the dark. It glints, and is optimistic. It’s a symbol of faith. It’s delight in being claimed by Korkie is symbolic of Qui-Gon’s own approval of his legacy. Qui-Gon Jinn chooses Korkie Kenobi.

But the thing is, it’s not because he’s a Kenobi. It’s because he chooses to act, and speak like a Jedi. Anakin fears - and knows - he never received this blade because Qui-Gon Jinn would not approve of what he’s done. This is Qui-Gon’s repudiation of Anakin Skywalker. The blade is laughing at Anakin.

“Impossible,” Lord Vader says. “I am growing tired of your games, boy. I shall only ask once more: who gave it to you?”

And then Anakin answers the same way he did as a child. He is still a selfish, defiant, fearful child. He denies the possibility that Korkie could have killed a Jedi. 

Now, of course, he knows that the Jedi are dead, he knows that Korkie is not a Jedi, and he’s also denying the possibility that Korkie could have done it.

And, more than that, he’s denying the very possibility that Korkie could speak - could somehow know - Qui-Gon’s words. There is no way that this boy should be speaking with that voice. It’s impossible.

It’s a three-fold denial.

As a more technical thing, Vader’s voice was really hard for me to do, because this Vader still had to be recognisable as Anakin. He’s only been Vader for about a year at this point, maybe a little longer, and he’s just been thrown back into his childhood by memory, so the voice had to hit this balance point between Anakin and Vader.

This is an Anakin who uses language to build himself up. He doesn’t quite buy his own authority - it is so easily undercut by an unarmed boy, here, after all - so he makes himself sound like the seat of power...Obi-Wan. He mimics the slightly elevated phrasing of his former master, and condescends, calling him “boy”. He speaks to Korkie in the voice of Korkie’s father. But it’s distorted, and clunky because it is not Anakin’s voice to claim. And he hasn’t had all the practice that the next 18 years will provide him with, yet.

So theoretically, if I did it right, the motivation - the drive of the sentence - is Anakin, but the pattern is an echo of Obi-Wan.

I also think this is probably the third time Vader’s asked Korkie (iirc), and that’s just a classic storytelling technique - things, especially questions, lessons, or events, happen three times. 

Korkie replies differently every time.

“I cannot say,” he replies.

So, at first, Korkie answered a question with a question. He was brash, young, and openly defiant. He replied in the way that Anakin or Obi-Wan may have if they’d been captured. He asked who Vader was. He didn’t know him - he doesn’t know him.

Vader is his brother, and yet Vader - Anakin - has been erased. His own family doesn’t know him. Has no reason to. He isn’t a person anymore. He’s a monster with no face, no name, no history, and no future. He has no claim to his own past.

Then, when Vader asks again, Korkie asks why it matters.

It’s a slight change of tactic, but one that Korkie thinks might put him on a more even playing field. If he knows why it’s important, then maybe they can work out a deal. Maybe he can...negotiate. Again, Vader hears shades of Obi-Wan’s cunning in this kid’s voice.

It also forces Vader to confront the reason he wants this blade - but that reason is intimately connected to Anakin. So Korkie is humanising him. He’s offering Vader a piece of himself. But Vader won’t take it.

Then, after Korkie’s spoken like Qui-Gon, Vader asks again, and Korkie denies him utterly. He cannot say. It’s impossible. It’s something beyond his control.

“Cannot?” says Vader. “Or will not?” 

“I will not.” His voice is firm, and does not shake.

Or is it? Because then, Korkie does what Vader does not. He takes responsibility for his choice. It’s not out of his hands. He’s choosing - deliberately, and decisively - to deny Vader. And he does not flinch. He does not hide. He looks into Vader’s face, knowing he might condemn himself to suffering, and death, and chooses that.

This is Korkie as a Jedi. He makes the same sacrifice the Jedi make - he looks into the Dark and chooses the Light.

And in this instance, he has replaced Anakin because he’s protecting Obi-Wan. Korkie is at Obi-Wan’s back. Korkie is making a choice to shield the person he loves - though he hardly knows him - because it is right. He loves freely, and selflessly. He loves Obi-Wan in a way that Anakin betrayed, but Korkie will not betray Obi-Wan here.

 He reaches again for that serenity: a flash of copper hair, of soft robes, of blue eyes. 

Korkie Kenobi is Force sensitive. Of course, he is. He is the culmination of a series of Light choices, and selfless sacrifice. He, at the end of the Clone Wars, comes out as the very thing they were fighting for. It’s not lost. Obi-Wan isn’t lost - he still shaped Korkie. He still saved something - something of the Force, something of the Light, and something of himself. He saved Satine. He saved the Jedi. He’s not fought and sacrificed in vain.

And so, though it is still rough, and untrained, though, like his relationship with his father, it’s still new, Korkie instinctively seeks to soothe himself, to find peace, so stay calm. In this moment where he is confronted with a Sith Lord, alone, and unarmed he chooses to reach for peace…

And his peace, his hope, is Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He reaches for his dad.

Just like Obi-Wan reaches out for Qui-Gon’s ghost. Just like Anakin reaches out for Obi-Wan (seriously can’t have one conversation without mentioning him). Just like Luke reaches out for Anakin.

Korkie seeks comfort in the Force through the person he most finds solace in. And it doesn’t matter that he and Obi-Wan are nearly strangers, because they choose not to be. And because Obi-Wan is the ideal that Korkie strives for.

Obi-Wan has taught him something about serenity, and bravery, and hope. So when Korkie thinks of calm, and thinks of making his father proud, he sees Obi-Wan. Just flashes in his memory.

And the colours of Obi-Wan are symbolic - the fire of his hair, the chaos of the galaxy and war, the colour of the sand on Tatooine, the heat of its suns, and the shared blood between them. The blue of his eyes like water in the desert, an oasis, a salvation, an open sea, the clear sky, something vast and all encompassing and cool. The soft robes are an embrace. Obi-Wan is a home in the Force.

(Ironically, this is also what Anakin as Vader thinks of, and is thinking of because he also knows Obi-Wan, and so the next beat of this scene shows Vader and Korkie accidentally sharing thoughts. An easy mistake, as they’re essentially running into each other at the same restaurant!)

ANYWAY -

A, um, brief analysis of this passage from Or Else I Shall Be Lost

I hope you enjoyed it!!! And thank you so much @tree-scapes for tagging me!!!!! 

[ivebeenmade]

Elliot Alderson’s 5 year plan

“It’s...bigger than I expected.” Tyrell remarks, weighing the binder of loose leaf notes in both arms. Elliot had been telling him for the last few days that they needed to ‘talk’. This isn’t exactly what he expected but there’s really little explanation needed.

FIVE YEAR PLAN is written boldly on the cover page; it’s laminated and everything. Wellick gives a low whistle. Elliot tries to reach for the hefty plans (no pun intended) his boyfriend is holding.

They’d spent a few months away in Sweden. Call it regrouping. As Tyrell leafs through the first few pages, dodging Elliot’s attempts to save him from what he’s now convinced might scare the man away, he sees that the vacation is a small part of Alderson’s big plans.

“It’s too much,” Elliot begins. Tyrell is shaking his head, settling down. This is going to take a while. By the looks of the binder, the color coded tabs, he could simply reference this as they go. He’s come to learn that the fully integrated Elliot Alderson was a little bit of the other personalities he’d met, and then some; and also not a thing like any of them at all most of the time. The motivation, the joy he got from accomplishing his goals or helping the ones he loved do the same, it was infectious. 

“No. No it’ll just take some time.” An eyebrow raised here, a comment there. “I think I’m beginning to get a feeling for your system at least.” The blond laughs. Clearly, the color coding is broken down into “stuff Elliot needs to do”, “stuff Elliot hopes Tyrell will do”, and “other” (ie how he plans to get Darlene to get her shit together, how Leon might fit into a corporate world...oh yeah, redefining Ecorp was part of the plans but fell under another category...well, multiple categories).

Elliot’s easy grin and tilt of his head go along with an almost distractingly intense stare. He seems to get this way whenever Tyrell speaks these days. The latter has already come to realize that some of the accent he tried to squash while blending into corporate America has probably come back pretty thick in the months they’ve spent healing. He’s noticed he has more of a tendency to pepper in words and phrases of his first language. Elliot loves it, and explains without prompting one day that it shows how much more relaxed he is, how he’s not this big ball of fakery and nerves (who he very much hated himself) anymore. It’s progress. 

Great progress, he’d remarked wistfully. There’s a section in the giant binder for the both of them quitting the worst of their habits. Elliot’s drug problem had started before the others took over, and the effects were still very much felt. He’d handled that with counselors and the right prescriptions to help his body handle the chemical addiction. 

Hours in, debating little details as the author of these big plans had expected, Tyrell accepts that the brilliant mind he’d very much fallen for in the beginning was the core of Elliot. Finding joy in the little things, planning for the future, it was beautiful. He couldn’t describe how fucking grateful he was that that was the man he had been warned he’d have to get to know when they reconnected at the hospital.

Towards the end, making 5 years into their future, there’s a lot of information before his intent is revealed. Elliot’s medical files, studies on the likelihood of...something...and the pros and cons of working towards this step at the age they’d be.

“A...a family?”

“Yeah. I thought, deep down, that’s what you wanted with Joanna. Why you stayed.” They’d been over that again and again, not that it was difficult for Tyrell to admit that his first marriage was ‘toxic’ to put it mildly. He’d loved and wanted his son before he’d seen him with his own eyes. Only once. “Oh, babe, don’t-”

“I’m fine.” Tyrell says, rubbing his eyes, then sighing deeply. Honesty, that was at the top of the list for them. “Ok. I’m not. I’ll always regret that, but yes I can and definitely do want to have a family with you.”

“Good. We’re not getting any younger. And my body isn’t in the best shape but as you can see my doctors are optimistic. It may take a little work- hah, I can see you and I are thinking the same thing there.”

“Yes, absolutely. Now, before that actually happens what’s this about the company? It’s in ruins.”

“That’s not Ecorp, obviously, Tyrell.” Elliot is confident to the point of cocky when he easily flips back to the professional entries among his 5 year plan. There’s a colorful logo, the name changed by just one letter.”

“I almost forgot, your dream.”

“Our. Our dream. There has to be a reason why it was yours when I was there. Do the math, it’s easy. We’re supposed to do this together.”

“Then we will.” A knowing smile passes between them. When the other says anything is going to happen, it happens. “Now, we could start practicing for the last entry, since it will take some work.”

“Don’t worry, that’s covered.” The tone of Alderson’s voice teases, as if there’s more to this than even the gigantic binder of plans had revealed to him. And of course there was. They’d have practice.

The matter is delicate, and it would have been perfect for Leon to burst in with Irving (and anyone else he’d needed on the job) at that very moment. To close that unpleasantness for good, Elliot already had a name chosen for Tyrell’s stolen child. As reported to him recently, those people really had no business raising their daughter, let alone their grandson, and were dirtier than Tyrell Wellick had ever even wished he was. Elliot didn’t have to wish his boyfriend would appreciate this, or be on board with the name, he knew he would. He knew whatever became of the child’s grandparents wouldn’t matter to him. 

Soon they’d be one step closer to completing their goals. Elliot had never felt so good. He wonders if the other man had realized that the plans included some extra time ‘on vacation’ and just why they’d need it. They were going to start their family right, and do right by their kids. Their relationship and family were priority one. 

In a couple of days, if that old temper flared up at all (really a misdirection for Tyrell’s self-doubt; a facet of himself he had a hard time accepting before he began to improve on it) Elliot had a million ways to shut down his bullshit. Sometimes, that was exactly how he had to keep his other half moving; remind him his complaints were full of shit and came from a place where he’d sooner have pain than success. It was a little thing that should be obvious but you have to love a person to know the difference. 

In fairness, Wellick was damn good at covering that up, almost as good as Elliot but Elliot had the advantage of learning his own pitfalls through five different fractured voices that were for the most part trying to help. And they had, until he was really ready to be whole. 

So they’d work on eachother, and their friends and family, and then the world. Elliot had a fairly good idea how his partner would react to their family starting sooner than he’d laid out in the massive binder. 

“What am I missing, Elliot?” Knowing Tyrell knew him well enough to see these highly detailed plans for the next several years of their lives, and assume there could still be more, weirdly warmed his heart. Actually, fuck that. What was wrong with knowing each other? That was a good sign. Something to cheer about in his next therapy session. 

Sure, he’d had a moment of doubt himself. This was a huge ask for a pretty new relationship. Good thing he’d started out small. The remaining plans weren’t totally organized anyhow, and might need subtle edits after a few years. There was definitely an even larger binder (hopefully) ready to take on the 10 year version. “I got it covered.”

for @clairebearhq @nywythwndblws

[erenthecoordinate]

Hello. Please share your thoughts about the latest couple of chapters/Zeke's backstory.

Not gonna lie, this probably one of the most emotional chapters I’ve read in a while.  I’ve been asking for a Zeke-centric chapter that would explain his motives and we got it in the classical heartbreaking fashion that this series is known to dish out.  AND it includes an explosive cliffhanger that Michael Bay would be proud of and make a good portion of the fandom look at a panel at 200% zoom and contrast change for 3 days.

I think the last time I talked about Zeke on this blog, I mentioned that I believe there is a chance Zeke is being genuine with working on Eldia’s side, but it wasn’t yet clear how much he wanted to include Paradis in the fruits of his potential “free the people” plan.  Yeah, so, things have changed obviously.  But not as drastically as I was led to believe after chapter 112.  By ch113, I figured there was more to the story with Zeke, since it seemed that his intentions for escaping was based on a time restraint and the fact he couldn’t trust Levi in the end.  Fortunately for his fans and unfortunately for Zeke, Levi’s plot armor saved him this time.  Only for fate to be teased once more!  Ugh!

I’m going to give a few super brief hot takes that I posted before but Tumblr decided to throw it into the abyss the first time.  This is going to be the least analytical and organized list I’ve ever written so be kind:

Finally, a flashback chapter of the most mysterious guy in this series

…AND HE’S CUTE!?

Oh my god.

Grisha and Dina are not the worst parents nor bad people but hell if they aren’t misguided, radical, and negligent of their only son.

This gives me middle school flashbacks.

I didn’t expect Zeke to suck at military training, to be honest.  They really did just call him a child prodigy for his miracle abilities and the fact he betrayed his parents.

Which I don’t entirely blame him anymore…if it wasn’t his free decision, he was influenced by a replacement nurturing parental figure to do it.  Ouch.

I was mad when these spoilers came out but now it makes sense why this is Zeke’s motive.

I’m pretty confident Eren is double crossing Zeke now.

Zeke is not dead.  Levi is not dead.  Splash text is clickbait.

I don’t even think Levi lost any arms, but we won’t know until 2 or 3 chapters from now.  Hope he knows how to swim!

For wordy rambling, please read on--

As most of the fandom assumed, this chapter was going to be primarily a flashback containing Zeke’s childhood.  And it’s a heavy reveal that spirals into his present-day motives.  It opens up with another scene that illustrates exactly how mistreated and disrespected Eldians are, the janitor going so far as to question why they are “breeding” for more devils.  This is unsurprisingly traumatizing to Zeke and those words are the seeds that flourish the plant of self-hatred soon to wreak havoc.  On the other hand, Grisha vents his frustrations and feeds the idea that their only salvation is to be free from their internment.  They have barely enough freedom to leave their residence and to do so require legal permission.  At this point, we’re familiar enough with how Marley reacts to Eldians both in the past and present day and those views haven’t changed no matter the year.  The story makes us aware that other nations prefer the race to be eradicated whereas Marley’s action is to keep them controlled, though of course there are people who support the former option.  It’s demeaning enough to be ostracized but threatened with genocidal wishes from the general public induces a lot of paranoia and, in the Restorationists’ case, rage.

Zeke is considerably mellow though.  There is no contempt because he’s too busy appeasing his parents.  He struggles with his training and falls far too short from the other warrior candidates.  But he is nothing but loyal to Grisha and Dina, even lying to his grandparents about how his father lectures him about their history.  Zeke uniquely gets two different teachings, but interestingly we don’t see him doubting either of them.  He seems to absorb more of what Grisha is saying, but doesn’t confess that to his grandparents, and simply nods and follows along to whatever is being read to him.  Most of his anxiety is reaching the expectation of becoming a warrior like his parents wanted.

His parents don’t make it a mystery to Zeke that him becoming a warrior is part of their restoration plan.  It’s not out of glory or that they want to best for him, but he is already exposed to the group as the one to save them all, a beacon of hope that the whole of the Eldian race depends on.

Of course, with the pressure on, Zeke cannot make the cut.  A mix of physical weakness and mental turmoil has Magath questioning Zeke’s integrity.  This brings him trailing behind his comrades, defeated, only to run into one of the current warriors playing catch with himself.  This is where we get a first glimpse of Zeke’s hidden pitching talent.  Tom Xaver, the current Beast Titan whose main job is a titan science researcher, is impressed and Zeke illuminates.

I know he murdered hundreds in very unkind ways, but it is a canon fact he is adorable.

Afterwards, Grisha, Dina, and their restorationist friend Grice become stressed with the fact Zeke isn’t performing to acceptable standards to even qualify to be a candidate of the warrior program, let alone having the chance to harness one of the titans.  Zeke overhears this and is taken back by the urgency. Grisha takes notice and attempts to encourage his son by saying he is special and therefore he can succeed.

Immediately follows probably one of the most depressing, soul-crushing pages that doesn’t include death (unless you count the death of Grisha and Dina’s faith in their son).  You don’t have to like Zeke to feel a twinge of relatability when he nearly breaks down from watching his parents turn away in disappointment.  It’s the worst kind of rejection because there is no improving something you simply cannot do and don’t truly have a passion for, even if you fight tooth and nail for it.

Xaver comments on Zeke’s atrocious training attempt and Zeke admits that his parents are the reason he has to become a warrior.  Xaver loosely describes the “perks” of being a warrior: harness unbelievable power, fight in wars, and die in 13 years by the teeth of your successor.  Avoiding that fate doesn’t grant much freedom, but to Zeke, staying alive for as long as possible is good enough.  To survive is fine.  He doesn’t need to fight to be free.

Naturally, cruel circumstances bombarde Zeke’s world when he overhears that his parents are in serious danger of being discovered.  He attempts to vere them to safer options so that they won’t be sent to Paradis, but Grisha and Dina immediately shut him down.  Living in an oppressed system is damaging to their self-esteem.  Revolution is necessary to change the world.  Zeke is their golden ticket.  There is a fatal risk to all this, but it is all for the name of their people.  For those who died for trying to reach beyond their boundaries.  Grisha omits his guilt over his sister’s death, saying what he wanted was simple.  Did that deserve punishment?  We already know his feelings about that, though.

Zeke on the other hand is convinced that it is all over for his family.  The power others have over them is far greater than his parents can overcome.  Xaver sees his distress and Zeke is quick to surrender any possibility of a long life, grateful he can hold onto memories of him as he eternally sleeps.  Xaver is too fond of Zeke, though, and we learn he is the one who suggests Zeke turn in his parents in order to save himself and his grandparents.  Zeke objects, of course, but it doesn’t take too long for Xaver to convince him that his parents cared more about their agenda than their child’s happiness and wellbeing.  And then that all happens.

Several years pass, and Zeke has gone from adorable to totally handsome.

Err...and he has become a successor to the Beast Titan.  He’s woven a close bond with this man to know progressions concerning his research.  A lot of it is information we already know but to them it’s a mix of theory and hearsay.  The new bit of information we gather is the theory that the Founding Titan can manipulate Eldian’s genetic makeup based on paths alone.  It’s what has saved them from plagues in the past.  Zeke recalls the janitor that harassed him and his parents years ago, and laments on the idea that the Founder can also prevent more Eldians from being born.

Xaver reacts somber over this concept.  He confesses that he used to have a family under disguise as a Marleyan.  It wasn’t until after his wife found out and killed herself and their son out of shame and disgust that he ultimately decided to become a warrior-- so he could die in the most glorified way possible, I guess?  In that time, he was dedicated to his research more than anything, but overall expressed he virtually replaced the void in his heart with Zeke’s presence, which explains why he was so important to him.  It’s kind of touching that they both found  each other to fill in roles that were empty in their lives.  Xaver still exhibits a great deal of self-hatred, something that Zeke can relate to.  At this point, he declares his motive of taking the Beast Titan, recovering the Founder, and stop the cycle of suffering by effectively ending the existence of Eldians altogether.  It’s...certainly a goal, albeit a method of giving in to their circumstances and accepting that they cannot fight against this oppression, so that the best thing to actually do is not exist.  Because no matter what they do, to exist is to suffer, and what kind of life is that?

The flashback closes with Levi overhearing Zeke mutter that the only salvation for Eldia is their euthanasia, and that all the deaths he is responsible for was a method of setting them free.  Of course, Levi doesn’t buy it and prepares for another round of Chopped.  Zeke appears to be only partially lucid when he shouts for his dead mentor to watch his next move.

In a matter of seconds, Zeke jerks the string that pulls the fuse and Levi looks to try to make a quick escape.  Zeke risks it all in an explosion that splits his body in parts, though it looks like his neck and head are still intact.  Meanwhile, Levi is blown back a distance with some blood trailing from his body due to ambiguous injuries.  And there is our cliffhanger of the volume!

I know I basically just summarized the chapter with some flavor additions, but there are a few things that drove me to a pit of emotions and questions during the spoiler drop.  Context from the fully translated chapter fixed a lot of my primary thoughts.

The Zekecrets

First big gain from this chapter is Zeke’s motive!  Finally, the zekecret is out!  And it’s rooted from a traumatic childhood and is buzzing with controversy.  I can’t say I agree with Zeke’s idea of ending the Eldian race by sterilizing them and killing those that he can.  But I will say that considering his experiences as a child and that discussion with Xaver had inspired this motive and, therefore, makes a lot of sense.  We’ve seen Zeke as a kind of chessmaster with many tricks up his sleeve yet was a shroud of mystery.  He has killed without mercy, he has betrayed his country, and he has turned that people he claimed to protect into Titans.  But to him, these deaths are convenient and align to his ultimate goal.

It’s honestly hard to believe that a character that has convinced people that his empathy level is so low that he barely even forms any attachments (as evidence with his betrayal) started off as an extremely sensitive and emotionally intelligent child.  His confidence is constantly challenged because of his blood from both sides.  His parents put him on a pedestal because his relation to them is what makes him special and therefore he must succeed.  On the other front, he is subjected to harsh ostracization from the general Marleyan public for simply being Eldian.  And at training, being the weaker of the child soldiers, he is put down by instructors and his trainee peers.  And even so, he still finds a bit of salvation in learning how to pitch while having some close conversation with a kind stranger.  Where he can’t find affection and acceptance in one area, he finds it in Xaver.

Still, the reality is that he is given these expectations that he himself simply has no strong drive to achieve nor the physical strength.  He presses on for the sake of his parents, but only his success will gain their acceptance and...he is unable to do it.  I think the most heartbreaking thing about this is that he accepts that he is somewhat of a tool for their agenda yet he sticks his neck out in hopes that he gets affectionate attention from his parents.  The fact he watches a child play ball with their father on his way home show that it’s an attention he craves because he doesn’t receive it often.  Even when he knows they are soon to get caught, Zeke’s first instinct is to say his goodbyes and surrender to whatever fate has in store for him.  To him, he is useless to carve his own path.  He has failed his parents, the Restorationists, the whole Eldian race, and himself.

Parenting Contrast: Grisha&Dina v Carla

I do briefly want to say that I don’t think Grisha and Dina were bad people, they are bad (not worst) parents and were too radicalized in their beliefs to realize that their son was emotionally struggling with self-esteem issues.  Anything they knew about Zeke was very on the surface.  Their priority was the revolution.  They manufactured a child for this due to their ignorance and anger.  But I don’t think they didn’t care about Zeke at all.  Zeke, to them, was to gain just as much of a positive outcome and life of freedom if he succeeded.  They were never aware of the pressure they put on Zeke.  Grisha later assumed that their negligence was the reason for Zeke’s betrayal and he never blames him for it.

Ironically, though, Eren is the appropriate child Grisha could have had for his revolution before it rapidly failed.  Second time’s the charm?  This is likely due to Eren’s lack of responsibility.  There were no dire expectations until later in his life.  Carla parented opposite of Dina and Grisha, believing that not everyone has to be special to be great.  Eren had more options open to him. 

Regardless, I don’t think Grisha quite parented the same way as he did with Zeke, but it may have been a bit difficult to keep reactions to certain circumstances subtle.  I don’t know if we’ll ever get more insight about why Eren used to be a weird loner kid that followed life through “the strong conquer the weak” system.  I just have a sneaking suspicion that it’s due to indirect mimicking of Grisha’s behavior.  After all, a real issue in this series are ignorant adults.  Or sometimes kids are just weird and easily influenced.  Unfortunately, in the end, Grisha does resort back to pressing responsibility on his second son, most likely because of their dire situation and Eren’s willingness to break free.  Because Eren is his son, of course.

Bit by bit, however, Zeke seems to be progressively aware of the obsession his parents have over their revolution plan.  They spend very little time with him, so he is often spending time with his grandparents, effectively keeping the cover up for his parents.  And any time they do spend with him is spent reversing the studies he has learned at school.  Zeke accepts the lessons but isn’t enthused.  I mentioned that he doesn’t really seem to question which history is correct and which isn’t; he doesn’t cast doubts on either and it’s difficult to say whether Grisha’s teachings were ones he felt were more accurate or that he was just parroting in order to gain approval.  A majority of his interactions with his parents are “yes” and nods.  

When Xaver comes into the picture and Zeke projects him as a father figure, he becomes more aware of his parents’ actions.  Which is why I don’t think it was especially a struggle for Zeke to believe Xaver when he told him that his parents don’t really care about him and that it’ll be worth selling them out if it means he and his grandparents get to live.  Zeke is very good at shutting down his emotions at this moment.  He is, however, not without heart though, because he continues to nurture that fondness for Xaver, who he is later a successor to.  In fact, he is the reason why Zeke entertains the idea that Eldians should stop reproducing.

The Plan and is Eren actually part of this?

This is where things get controversial, of course.  On one hand, technically, no longer existing means that they would no longer have to suffer.  Zeke says those on Paradis are ignorant to what the world has in store for them.  This isn’t to buy more time to properly unite with other nations, it was time to stop reproduction altogether and (probably) eliminate the Eldians on Paradis.  To Zeke it’s merciful to end this.  But it’s still genocide.  And I don’t believe this is the ultimate answer nor do I believe Eren is actually going to end up accepting this plan.

Unlike Zeke, Eren grew up with an everlasting flame that urged him to seek freedom in every format.  Freedom of his environment, freedom of his choices, etc.  He too gets weighed down by crushing expectations, becoming something of a tool for the military and government to achieve victory, but it is something that he genuinely wants.  Included, he still had the compassion of his comrades.  He wished them long lives.  He believes that people deserve to live simply by being born into the world.  Their existence gives them the right to freedom.  It gives them a chance to fight.  Sterilization is a big surrender.  Death and prevention of life, robbing that choice from others, is completely contradicting to anything Eren has ever learned, said, or believed in.  And I think his reaction to Willy’s words at the festival is a key indicator that his intention is to keep the Eldians alive.  I’m not sure how far ahead Eren is in terms of double crossing his brother, but at the very least, I think that if he knows Zeke’s true intentions, he has found or is finding a way to skirt around that option and use Zeke for his own plans.

I plan to write a progression meta theorizing Eren’s motives that edits and re-publishes with every reveal in each chapter but basically my guess is that Eren does know what Zeke wants and that he has been playing along with Zeke’s orchestrated plan, festival, Warhammer Titan, prisonbreak, etc. to earn loyalty points.  Which unfortunately included him killing innocents in the process.  But if Zeke really does believe their deaths are their true freedom, then Eren has to convince Zeke that he believe the same too.  Doesn’t mean he hasn’t internally struggled as a result.  But for now, Eren’s individual thoughts remain an enigma so it’s difficult to pinpoint his exact intentions at the moment.

Explosive (haha) End

Anyway, the other big thing was Zeke’s dramatic escape act which required an enormous explosion and the splitting of his own body.  Uh, yuck!  But I can’t help but feel a bit tickled that we actually have a panel with Zeke’s detached ass in the air.  His torso, including his neck and head, are more or less together, so he can easily pull off the Reiner trick to implant his brain to elsewhere on the nervous system so that he can regenerate from there.  So, yeah, Zeke will be fine.  And probably pantless if he can’t recover his lower half.

Levi, on the other hand, has no regenerating powers and appears pretty injured if the blood splattering off his body is anything to go by.  He wasn’t as close to the explosion, so it’s possible any injuries he sustained are because of the shooting debris and/or his sword, which he still had out in front guarding his body prior to the fuse going off.  I remember when the first grainy image of this panel came out and everyone was zooming in and tracing areas to figure out if Levi lost anything.  I think it’s consensus now that Levi has both legs intact and at the very least his left arm.  The only big question is whether his right arm is there and any other injuries on his torso or face that may exist.  If you want my personal visual analysis and theory, I think his injuries are not fatal nor crippling, meaning all his limbs are intact, but he probably has decent sized gashes on his body to have him temporarily side-lined.  I think the angle of the drawing and multiple gradients to indicate fast motion and blood direction is meant to give the reader uncertainty but in the end it’ll reveal that nothing was lost.  At least, I hope so.  It would be absolutely disheartening and irresponsible to put him out of commission for the rest of the series and the rest of his life-- I think out of all the suffering Levi has gone through, he definitely doesn’t deserve to feel completely useless to do anything,  Plus it’d be extremely underwhelming to set your strongest and most popular character on the bench before the big climax.

I will say that Levi is definitely not dead, though.  None of the notable deaths we’ve seen have been obscured by body angles.  They’ve been explicitly shown without debate on their status, Erwin and Sasha especially.  I believe the only off-screen deaths the series has had was Moblit and Ymir, and even then the scenes before then leave you no doubt to their inevitable fate.  Even Marco eventually got a scene of his death.  And neither of these deaths happened as cliffhangers.  But false death cliffhangers have always been a thing in the series.  Plus, I think Levi is far more deserving of a multi-panel, half chapter death scene if he were to die at all.

I do think he will land in the river and those injuries will prevent him from fighting effectively against the current to stay in his location.  I believe the convenient landscape was rather deliberate as it gives Zeke enough time and lonesomeness to recover and seek Eren.  Really, the explosion was an excuse to remove Levi from the scene and quickly be transported elsewhere.  But I want to bet we won’t find out Levi’s fate for another couple chapters.  Because Isayama is just that cruel!

....

Sorry this got extensive.  I’m still building up on these thoughts, so nothing is definite or without possibility of change.  But to summarize, Zeke’s childhood is sad, his plan is genocide and Eren ain’t about that life, Yeagerbros are dramatic people and forever interesting to me, and Levi is alive and battered but not handicapped.

That said, I would love to hear from everyone else about what they thought of the chapter.  Were you sympathetic to Zeke’s backstory?  Is he irredeemable?  What’s Eren’s role in all this?  Does he actually subscribe to Zeke’s scheme of eliminating all Eldians to end their suffering, or does he have other tricks up his sleeve?  Is Levi alive? How bad are his injuries?  Does he know how to swim?

Will I ever recover from the emotional rollercoaster this chapter has put me though?

Thanks for sending this ask!  I haven’t meta’d in a while and this honestly is inspiring to write again!

[wazowskiofthemikevariety]

mike + identity

1. Wazowski: So for this category I’m going to encompass everything that’s within his name because that’s like the biggest piece of him that made him who he is.

a. Son: Mike holds his parents on Hero Status. He looks up to them and what they’ve done for him. One of his biggest goals in life is to be a dad himself, because he wants that relationship, he craves his people, to have someone to devote himself to. They’ve inspired him to be the person he is because he’s seen his mom and dad sacrifice a lot for him and his siblings, even for their other family members like Mike’s aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. BUT being a son is a lot more than that, obviously. It’s more of an identity that’s important to him because he finds great pride whenever his parents introduce him as their son. Like, “Oh, Georgia! This is my son, Michael!” and he likes being known as one of the Wazowski’s children. His parents, while they do have their problems and aren’t perfect and are human, are important to him and he is very happy and proud to be their son. He finds it a very integral part of who he is, being their son and being a part of this family.  

b. Middle Child: Mike is the middle child of five and that means he was forgotten a lot of the time. Several times his parents forgot to get him from school, so he got himself a bike with his own money. Several times they forgot about taking him to practice for band or whatever sport he was trying to join that year, so he would arrange a ride himself or put the pedal to the meddle. Several times they forgot to sign him up for something, pay this, pay that, tell him what was going on so he would get home to the family being gone and him not knowing why, or them expecting him to have been packed and ready for trip everyone had failed to mention so all of a sudden he has to get his suitcase together while panicking about not having enough time and crying in his room under the stress as someone yells at him to hurry or they’ll miss their flight. This, although kind of disheartening to him, turned him very independent. It made him have to rely on himself. So he identifies with the stereotype of the Middle Child because oof, he knows that pain, but it played its part in making him who he is.

c. Younger Brother/Older Brother: He’s got different relationships to all of his siblings, as one does, and esp since he is that bridge from the olders to the youngers. He’s the middle, smack dab. Two above, two below. And he loves all his siblings. He’s sort of the second mom tbh because while his two older siblings are the kind that would die for the others or throw down where needed, they aren’t as responsible and put together as Mike is. And the younger siblings, there was sort of a disconnect with them to the older to because by the time they were Humans who could Hold A Conversation the older siblings had shipped off to college and weren’t around the house all the time. Where Mike became the oldest of the house all of a sudden, taking the younger two around. It’s a weird, interesting dynamic but he is very much a loving and supportive brother. He’s not the smartest, but he always worked the hardest. And his siblings were always his best friends when he didn’t have anyone. He was always ALWAYS there for them, even if they weren’t for him sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s what family it for, yah know. Talking shit, getting hit, but coming together to make sure the house is clean before their parents got home to kill them all should they see the state of the kitchen. Being a brother to four very different human beings is very important to him. He loves being a brother and he loves his sibling and is very grateful to them because while he didn’t have friends growing up he did have them. And they will always have him.

d. Ethnicity: This falls within this category, too, and IS important to him because he is kind of ethnically ambiguous. He is of mixed race and he’s proud of that. He identifies with it because his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they came from or who their families are. Though he may not seem to take to traditions of his heritage, he does, of course he does. And he knows the history of his family, and that’s another motivator for him. As a minority he’s always had that extra stretch he’s had to sprint through in order to make it to the finish line, that extra little bit of weight society puts on him. He does identify with his ethnicity and is proud of it and wouldn’t change it if he could because it is so integrated into who he is as a person since his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they come from.  

2. The Demonologist: This is, of course, second because he has always wanted to be a Demonologist. It was his lot in life. It was his calling. It was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning sometimes, that motivation to go to school in order to be called a Demonologist someday. He wanted it so fucking badly as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. He worked his ASS off to get that title to call his own. But that’s sort of where the irony stands with him because while he might self-identify as A Demonologist he isn’t really. He’s just starting to do things within the field that matter. Like, he never faced a demon until the August of 2018 and even then he got his ass beat by them before passing out and missing the end of the fight and exorcism completely. He hasn’t made any major headway in the field, he is a year out of school, teaching, and really has nothing to show for himself. WHICH IS FINE LMAO, you don’t have to have that jesus Christ, but Mike is an over achiever who thought he would have the world by now. It’s important to him to tell people that’s what he does, he’ll say he’s a Demonologist first and that he teaches at the university second because he doesn’t think he’s going to stay there of course. He thinks he’s just biding his time, using the resources, and soon enough he’s going to make it big. He’s book smart. He is the kind of person who could read a book and be able to regurgitate the information for you later on. But...I think it’s the difference between someone who can cook and a cook. He can cook, sure, he can follow the recipe and it will be good, but he isn’t going to be able to make something that’s great or anything like that because he lacks the instincts to improvise or think, oh well this needs some garlic lemme just add some in real quick. No, he’s the person waving around the menu like, IT SAYS TWO CLOVES. NO MORE NO LESS!! Even though he COULD be that person, he could improvise, he just doesn’t have the brain that would think of the situation like that. ANYWAYS OFF TOPIC, basically what I’m saying here is that Mike thinks of himself as a Demonologist and in a way he is because he got the degree, he’s earned the title on a technical level, but he doesn’t have it in the way that he’s proven any of that to be worthy. MAYBE HE WILL, maybe he won’t, I dunno where his journey will take him. 

3. College Graduate: This is also something very important to him because academics is fucking brutal, and it wasn’t any easier for him. He didn’t come from privilege, he didn’t have the name that would help him, people didn’t like him. College was lonelier than high school for him because at least there he would make surface level buddies within classes because he saw them five times a week and would help them on their homework and cracked a good joke for them to laugh at so they would be civil towards him. And he also lived with his family, his two younger siblings were still there. He had people around him. In college? He had no one. And I think we all know how lonely college can be, how isolated it can make someone feel despite being surrounded by people. That was Mike. And then you have everyone in his classes shitting on him for being enthusiastic! Wanting to talk about what they learned in class! That kid who kept up with the readings, who always raised his hand, who debated, who asked those questions everyone is thinking but didn’t want to say, and who’s presentations were almost spotless. Which is fair, he was a goodie goodie try hard, but he also was that way because he wanted to prove himself to these people who rolled their eyes at him, not knowing that the reason they did was BECAUSE he was showing off. But he went on, he got good grades, a good GPA, did his papers and went to his labs, got a job in between, and did it all on his own. It was one of, if not the, hardest things he had ever had to do in his life. Because Mike is not one of those people who can glance at the notes and get a good grade, he has to study for hours, he has to go to the library until hell o’clock in the morning, he has to make flash cards and pretend to teach the lamp what’s what before he can get that good grade. So! Yes! He loves being a college graduate. He loves his degrees, and he loves when his parents tell people about him having a PhD. It FUELS HIM. !!!

4. Friend: This has been a long time coming, baby. MIKE WAZOWSKI HAS FRIENDS BITCH. I’m telling you, he loVES having friends. He loves BEING a friend. It makes him so! fucking! happy! He was a lonely soul with so much love to give and nOW that he finally gets to give it, oof. I know I’m supposed to be a writer or whAtEveR but I can’t articulate how warm it makes him feel, how fulfilled. There was always this hollow ache inside of him, wanting and waiting for someone, anyone, to just want to be around him for a change. I’ve probably said this before, but since he watched a lot of movies growing up he accumulated that rose tinted glasses way of looking at life. He wanted that best friend he could call/text at any time and know they would reply. He wanted someone to drive around with, to have movie marathons with, to have feels sessions with, or to just hang out and take a nap together. He had high hopes of finding that person. But he never did. 28 years and he still couldn’t say he had a friend. NOW LOOK AT HIM. HE IS THRIVING. And I would say this identity is of the utmost importance to him because he has always wanted to be a Friend to someone. Like?? Being able to be the person people call because they know he’ll be there for them without a second thought, or being that person who makes them laugh and be happy and not think about their worries for a minute, or if they WANT to think about their worries he is the person they call to talk about them with. He likes being there for people, he loves it so much. He loves being in people’s lives and making them happy and smile and laugh and ugh. Being a friend is his favorite thing, connecting on that level to someone just makes him feel fulfilled. If he hears people calling him their friend he will DIE. If he is introduced as, “this is my friend, mike!” he will DIE. It’s his favorite thing in the whole wide world and he constantly gets emotional about it. 

5. Professor: This is lower on the list for obvious reasons but is apart of who he is now. To Mike it’s just a starting point, though, he doesn’t think it will be where he will stay or a long term position. But he loves being a professor because he loVEs demonology! So being able to teach it is kinda like the second best thing to be doing, plus it gives him a place to do research and have access to resources and all that jazz. He likes academia so it’s not like it’s a hard ship to be there reading over essays or listening to the debates kiddos have in class. It’s also just REALLY nice to have a job, especially one as good as being a professor. He’s not proud of it yet, is the thing. It’s not what he leads with when people ask him what he does, he is a Demonologist. And then he is a professor.

  6. Nerd: I mean, I think he identifies as a nerd because. Well. He is. And he doesn’t see that as a bad thing. He is both a Nerd in the sense that he likes to study and read and learn and excel within those things and that he likes to watch tv, movies, play video games, read comics, spend hours on the internet reading Fan theories, and laughing at memes. And to the people who are like, “well fuck you that stuff is for kids, grow up!” he genuinely doesn’t understand why other people feel like they have the right to put other people down? Why must people tell big jokes to make other people feel so small? It’s STUPID and he is soooo far passed calling everything he enjoys ‘guilty pleasures.’ nah. They’re just things he loves and will die on that hill. Worrying about shit like that is just lost on him now cause, shit, liking superhero movies isn’t embarrassing, unless you take it too far then lmfao okay calm down fam no need to set fire to someone over a MOVIE, and thinking it is isn’t about embarrassment, it’s about being insecure. And as much as Mike IS insecure, that’s one of the things he ain’t. If people want to make fun of him for that, fine, yes, it will hurt him and his ego, but he’ll also be the one getting to watch Logan (2017) and weeping into the pillow or having a really interesting conversation over the what preference of Star Trek generation people have. He loves all that nerdy shit, he loves getting excited about movies! and new games! and watching panels and actors and b-roll and listening to podcasts and reading about media news, it makes him happy, gets him excited! And disappointed! Makes him angry and happy and sad beyond belief sometimes, but that’s what he loves about it, too!

[progressivejudaism]

I have included the entire text of this article.  It is worth reading the entire text here from Rabbi Aaron Brusso of Bet Torah of Mt.Kisco, New York’s beloved Armondo:

A week before the Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer told him he was going to a detention facility, Armando, our synagogue’s custodian for two decades, had come in to work on President’s Day to be there for my family as we held a small service to celebrate my son’s upcoming bar mitzvah.

Afterwards, as we ate lunch, Armando stood at a distance smiling. A week later, when I spoke to him in custody, he said through tears, “I have seen your son grow. I wanted to be there for the big celebration. ”My son, by happenstance of birth, is a United States citizen, and simply by reaching the age of 13 he becomes a full citizen of our religious community. Armando has worked and lived in this country more than twice as long as my son has been alive, has two boys of his own, no criminal record, steady employment and a community of hundreds of families who love him.

Yet in an instant, he was taken away.

Like my son, I did absolutely nothing to earn or deserve my citizenship, it was gifted to me at birth because of a decision my great-grandparents made. I didn’t have to work for it, sacrifice for it, travel for it. It was given to me before I knew to dream of it, before I knew what dreams were.

We enjoy tremendous privilege and access simply because we were born in the right place at the right time. Not so for Armando.

We got a call that Armando had been arrested over the weekend and was in the county jail. He was in a restaurant with family when a fight broke out. The police were called and they arrested a number of people, including Armando. Aside from being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he was completely exonerated in court.

But during his time in the county jail, ICE was sent a list of inmates. An ICE officer came to the jail to let him know he was going to be brought into detention.

Armando came to this country nearly 30 years ago. In the 20 years he worked in our synagogue, he paid social security, Medicare, state and local taxes. As far as we were concerned he belonged in every way. But others apparently saw that differently.

As soon as Armando was in ICE custody, our community sprang into action. As a rabbi, it has been particularly moving to see my synagogue live out the value of chesed, or loving-kindness. Community members collected money, secured legal representation and wrote dozens of letters attesting to his character. We reached out to his family and assured them we would be there for them and would not let him be deported.

One family’s letter mentioned that Armando was a guest reader in their child’s preschool classes. Another parent talked about how Armando convinced her hesitant son to get out of the car and go inside for religious school. Then there was the parent who had a medical emergency and had to rush a child to the hospital with only time to ask the closest adult — Armando — if he would get her other son after class and stay with him. I was so used to seeing Armando taking care of our families that I was a bit ashamed of how little thought I had given to him being a father to his own sons.

I accompanied Armando’s son to visit his dad while he was being held at the county jail. Armando looked at his son and said “I don’t want you to stop your education. I want you to have what I didn’t.” I imagined the same conversation between my great-grandfather and my grandfather, just with a Yiddish accent.

The attorney we found worked quickly to put together a plea for a stay of deportation and get in touch with immigration authorities. He put together a character profile, but how do you characterize the look of embarrassment on Armando’s face when the synagogue staff brought out a cake and sang happy birthday to him? Or the way he made our kids feel at home when they high fived him in the hallways? Or the smile on his face when he would explain to people how often he brought his own son to synagogue? “He grew up here,” Armando would say.

The ICE officer, who the lawyer informed us had complete say over Armando’s fate, didn’t return the attorney’s call for days.  A week after Armando entered ICE detention, I called the attorney to check in. “An hour ago, he was taken from the detention facility and is being moved,” the lawyer reported. “We don’t know where to. All they know is that he is in transit.” The only way Armando’s family knew any of this was because the attorney had reached out to ICE.

Later that day, Armando called his family from Tijuana, Mexico, his country of birth. He had been brought over the border and left without bank cards, cash, cell phone or ID. He was given no time to gather any belongings or to call his family to say goodbye. As Armando told his son, an ICE officer who escorted him with others to the border told the group, “You’ll all probably get kidnapped.”

When I heard that, I thought about how carefully Armando cared for the families in our community and how unthinkable it would be for him to purposefully cause anyone discomfort or fear. Earlier, when rhetoric around immigration was heating up and people born in Mexico were being referred to as drug dealers and rapists, I had stopped Armando in the hallway; I felt the need to apologize for the cruelty we in the United States had enabled. He shook his head and said, “I just don’t understand why people need to talk like that.”If crossing a border to seek a better life is in and of itself such a crime, why would anyone need to characterize people like Armando as cruel and brutal? If anything, the exaggeration reveals how insufficiently transgressive it is to dream of a better life. If anything is brutal, it’s the enforcement system itself. It is now built for speed and efficiency, for maximum action and minimum thought. When we don’t feel the need to understand a person’s story,

it becomes much easier to taunt them with fears of being kidnapped. In fact, it becomes necessary, because if we all realized immigrants were human beings, who could sleep at night?

But didn’t he break the law by coming here?  If we are a nation of laws then don’t we have to respect the law? Good people, people who love Armando have asked these questions. I think it’s important to make a distinction between procedural justice, the idea that the law should be applied equally, and substantive justice, the notion that law should produce good in the world. Right now we are applying the law strongly and across the board. But we also have to own the consequences of doing so. We are breaking up families that include U.S. citizens, depriving them of income and taking parents away from children. We are creating greater dependencies in our society and millions are vulnerable to this fate. Circumstances change. What begins with good intentions can end in cruelty. It is possible for a law to be both legal and cruel at the same time. Like good parenting (don’t drink, but if you do I’ll come pick you up no questions asked) it is possible to send clear, mixed messages.

A pathway to citizenship can be created for those who are here at the same time as laws for orderly entry are reaffirmed. We can apply the law equally and assure that it produces good in the world. We can reestablish the integrity of our communal body without losing our soul. Apparently these kinds of distinctions were appreciated by a judge in New York. Shortly after Armando was deported we found out that the motion for stay of deportation had been granted. Department of Homeland Security acknowledged receiving it, the day after Armando was deported.

Now Armando’s absence weighs on me. Before February, every day rushing to a class, a meeting or a counseling session, I would catch Armando out of the corner of my eye and we would quickly smile and wave. Since he was taken, there have been moments where I thought I saw him and turned, but there was nobody there. A phenomenon even more painful for his sons.

After Armando was dropped off with nothing across the border he made his way to relatives. We didn’t hear anything from him for 24 hours. I finally got a text from his son saying his dad was ok. We have been in almost daily contact with the family since. His oldest son is incredibly positive, but I have talked to him enough to have built up trust.

Through tears he will say that he just wants to get his dad back. Recently, a delegation from my synagogue joined Armando’s son and flew down to San Diego to meet Armando in Tijuana. We wanted to be with him as he walked to the border to seek asylum.

They told us that they did not have the “capacity,” and turned him away.

We will try again soon.

One thing is for sure: our community will not give up. As I crossed back into the U.S. from Mexico, having left Armando behind, I handed over my passport to be scanned. For the first time I did so without pride. I was a citizen, but of what kind of country? The irony is that in enforcing so callously the line between citizen and non-citizen, we don’t affirm, but actually cheapen, the meaning of citizenship.

As citizens, we are all implicated in our country’s behavior. If human beings without our status can be treated, in our names, in such cruel and thoughtless ways, then of what value is our status? The truth is that when Armando was taken, we didn’t just remove a father from his family and a member from a community, we deported a piece of our humanity as well.

The picture I can’t get out of my mind is of Armando and his son holding each other and saying goodbye through tears last week in Tijuauna. This past week I stood next to my son as he read from the Torah for the first time. Fathers have so many hopes for their sons.I hope my son uses his unearned citizenship to make this country worthy again of people like Armando.

[54fangirl]

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind (Pt. 1)

Sweet Pea x OC

Summary:  Danika and her younger brother, Anthony, are abandoned by their mother. She can’t handle her daughter’s mental state anymore so she leaves the siblings with her mother back in Riverdale, both kids assuring their grandmother that she’s not coming back. Tony is a genius at only 10 and back in their hometown, he was in a promising education program, on the road to an ivy league school with a full scholarship, but in the southside? Danika just needs to keep him away from gang activity, which is hard when she herself gets a little too close. 

Pairings: Sweet Pea x Female!OC 

Words: 1,061

Warnings: swearing, (Future Warning) Mentions of and references to suicide and self-harm

A/N: So, like pretty much everything I write, this was going to be a quick reader insert one shot but then I made a bunch of random edits and read it again and thought it’d be better as an OC story. Could be terrible, I don’t know, let me know if you can. Please and Thank you

Thanks to @serpenteazy for reading this first <3

Disclaimers: I own nothing but the plot and the OC’s

Part 2 | Part 3

Danika leaned her head against the car window, Tony leaning against her side and earbuds beating in her ear.

“Hey, wake up. Both of you,” Her mother spoke from the front seat.

Danika nudged her brother.

“Mommy, where are we going?”

“C'mon, Tony, look at the street signs. It’s been like three and half hours,” Danika urged her brother, straining to look at the radio’s clock. He looked up at his older sister, not having seen her for a while, before looking out the window. He saw a few signs and exits.

“Grandma’s?” He asked confused and Danika didn’t blame him. Their mother woke them up at 11 at night and told them to get in the car.

“Yeah, mom, why are we going to Abuela’s at three in the morning?” Danika sarcastically asked, already having a hunch.

She didn’t respond to her daughter, swallowing hard.

“Don’t worry about it baby, just a visit for the two of you,” She reassured her son.

The boy looked back down and started playing with the plastic bracelet around his sister’s wrist.

They pulled up at the house closer to four than three.

Danika was sat on the couch, her brother asleep on her lap while she listened to her mother and grandmother fight in Spanish. Next thing she knew her mother was kissing Tony’s head and staring at Danika like she was losing a limb.

“I love you mija. I only ever want the best for you.”

And just as quick as she was saying that, she was gone. Leaving a ten-year-old boy and a seventeen-year-old girl without a mother.

They had their grandparents, and Danika loved them but she worried for Tony.

He was so young and already confused enough without removing his parents from the picture. His dad died overseas before he could even remember anything, but their mom was there for him. Now she wasn’t and Danika didn’t know how he would handle it.

The girl blamed herself no matter how much her family told her not too.

“Don’t worry yourself so much, mija. Life is so much more enjoyable when you aren’t giving yourself extra stress,” Her grandpa told her over dinner one night. Danika didn’t miss the look her grandmother gave her.

Her mother probably told Abuela what happened and her grandmother decided against telling her husband for some reason.

The teen didn’t know why but she wasn’t going to question it.

They’d escaped regular society, having been dumped in June, but the school year was coming up and the old couple didn’t have very many options.

“He can’t go to regular school, Abuela. You know that- he's ahead of all of them. He’s ahead of most people in high school!”

“Well, where is he to go? Your grandfather and I have work, you have school-”

“What about that E-learning stuff? I’ll take him to the offices and get the paperwork filled out, all he’d need is a place to go during the day where he can do the work.”

Maya was skeptical, but they compromised on part-time ‘fake home-schooling’ and sending him to regular school to keep him integrated with his peers.

She agreed, nonetheless.

xxx

Sweet Pea’s POV

Present Time

Sweet Pea banged on the door of the woman who had always taken care of him and his friends.

“Mrs. Ruiz! Please!” He was holding Fangs up, just barely, after yet another fight.

The door swung open revealing a girl he’d never seen before. She had to be close to his age, he hoped, as she stood there in an oversized sweatshirt and basketball shorts.

“Do you mind?” She asked, annoyed.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Who the hell are you?” she shot back, flustering him.

“Well…I asked first.”

“Well, I live here.”

“Since when?”

“Since none'ya'business.” They went back and forth before Sweet Pea remembered his friend.

She quirked an eyebrow making Sweet Pea huff, “I’m looking for Mrs. Ruiz? Maya?”

She crossed her arms, “why do you need my grandmother?”

“Just- where is she?”

“On a date.”

“With who?”

“Her husband!” She yelled before wincing and looking behind her, Sweet Pea didn’t know or particularly care as to why.

“When’s she going to be back?” The girl checked her phone.

“She said sometime before 11 so within the hour.”

“Can we wait inside?”

“Yeah, no. I’m not looking to get murdered.”

“Please, I swear-”

“Dani?” They both looked behind her to see a young boy rubbing one of his eyes.

“Hey! Sorry, buddy. Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He looked past the girl directly at Fangs’ body, “He’s hurt.”

'Dani' looked in between the two teen boys and the younger one and sighed, motioning for the two gang members to enter her home.

“Yeah, they were just going to come in and wait for-”

“He needs to go to the hospital,” the boy interrupted.

“Uh, yeah, we don’t-”

“Why?” The girl cut Sweet Pea off.

“His arm is broken.” Fangs shifted and groaned, “And sounds like he might’ve broken a rib.”

“Uh, kid…”

Just as he was about to question the kid’s lack of medical knowledge Mrs. Ruiz walked in the door and swore up a storm in Spanish.

“So we’re just letting strangers into our home now?”

“I saw the snake, Tony said that one needs to go to the hospital. They haven’t been here long.”

Maya looked over his friend, “Well, he’s not wrong,” She spoke in a heavy accent, “He’s got a few fractured ribs and his arm is definitely broken, not to mention he probably has a concussion.”

The woman helped Fangs into the front seat of a truck and sped off to get him situated.

“So…Dani…” Sweet Pea drawled only to stop when she held up her hand.

“Only my brother gets to call me Dani. Not you.”

“Well, I need something to call you by. If not I’m just going to go with Dani.”

She huffed in frustration, walking back into the house and slamming the door.

Sweet Pea laughed, “See you at school tomorrow, Dani.” 

[strixobscuro]

Avengers Recover: A Proposal

(Yes, I know it’s a terrible title, but it was the best I could think of...)

Inspired by my annoyance at the way recent Marvel series (namely The Vision and Avengers Undercover) have dealt with issues of addiction and recovery, I began brainstorming my own, probably-never-to-be-published series centered around a treatment center for those like poor Victor Mancha who fall through the cracks and need help. 

The facility is tentatively called the Rock Gardens (I’m not particularly married to the name, but it’s the only one that’s stuck so far), and in my head it’s based in the Hill County area of Texas, partly because I lived out there for a while, but also because it’s a spread-out area that’s less likely to attract supervillain attacks, alien invasions and similar nonsense. The layout is inspired by the facility where I lived - there’s a bunch of sex-segregated dorms, an office building/communal space, and a recreation center.

The program is basic rehab - every day starts and ends with meetings, and most days consist of a mix of group therapy sessions, seminars, and activities, with meals in between. Enrollment lasts between six weeks and several months, with residents being required to be inactive as superheroes for the duration of their stay.

Proposed Staff: 

Drew is a local hero, a member of Texas’ state-sponsored superhero team, the Rangers. Once a severe alcoholic, he was forced to clean up his act after causing a lot of public damage while drunk, but he really got serious about his recovery after a near-death experience during the HYDRA Terrorcarrier attack on Crawford, which sidelined him for several months. Now several years sober, he serves as the campus director for the Rock Gardens.

Henry is a former actor who trashed his career when he got a little too enthusiastic about playing Tony Stark. After cleaning up his act, he became the Marvel Universe’s leading teetotaler, and served for a time in California’s state-sponsored superhero team, the Order. After tragedy struck his team, he rededicated himself to promoting sobriety, and set up a number of recovery centers, including the Rock Gardens, where he serves as the executive director. He has been distracted lately, busy overseeing the refurbishment of his flagship center, Mulholland Field in California.

Terrance is one of the country’s foremost experts on trauma, which is probably not surprising, given that he is cursed with the ability to weed out people’s deepest fears and manifest them. For a time, he served the Initiative, trying to use his abilities to help people, but when the Initiative was taken over by supervillains who forced him to rubber-stamp their abuses, he grew disillusioned and quit. He now works as one of the Rock Gardens’ resident therapists, specializing in identifying triggers.

Woodstock was once Los Angeles’ top late-night TV host who dabbled with superheroism, but a near-death experience coupled with an assassination scandal brought her career to an abrupt end. When her friends in X-Statix all died, she decided to get the hell out of LA and now serves as an administrator for the Gardens, making sure that every

Rachel is a former music teacher and a mutant with the ability to manipulate others with her violin. Between her blue skin, her powers, and a criminal past, she’s had difficulty fitting in, but she worked to clean up her life and now works as an music therapy instructor and security personnel - her music can calm people quickly when tempers flare.

Proposed Residents:

Ritchie is a former wrestler and superhero. A bad mix of a toxic mentor figure and a disastrous early superhero career drove him to alcoholism, culminating in him becoming famous for being the first superhero to be arrested under the SHRA. Getting your ass handed to you by Tony Stark in front of God only knows how many witnesses is a pretty damned hard bottom to hit. He worked for years to get his act together, and even managed to step into a leadership during the Serpent crisis a few years ago, but after his mentor appeared to return from the dead, he fell back into the kind of thinking that pushed him into alcoholism in the first place, so now he’s at the Gardens. Ritchie’s that guy you encounter in 12-step meetings who knows all the literature, all the vocabulary, and all the rules, but he still doesn’t have the humility or the willingness to change that underpins a successful recovery.

Sharon used to be Ms. Marvel, and then she was She-Thing. Now she keeps switching back and forth between the two identities, which has made a mess of her life, and thus she’s come to the Gardens in hopes of learning to integrate her two halves. Sharon is an example of an all-too-common story in addiction, the addict who keeps turning to compulsive behaviors (in her case, switching between superheroism and supervillainy) to stabilize a mental health issue.

Jeanne was a promising student at Avengers Academy with the ability to retain large amounts of information and copy any movement she sees, but her profound mental abilities have a downside - she is apparently fated to start losing her memories by the time she’s thirty. In a bid to make the most of the time she apparently has left, she threw herself into work after leaving the Academy, but this eventually caught up to her and she suffered profound exhaustion and started having trouble thinking, which gave her a considerable health scare. She thus checked herself into the Gardens as a workaholic, seeking to learn a healthier balance between working and rest.  

Klara used to be a Runaway before her friends abandoned her. Like a lot of abuse survivors, she has built up self-defense mechanisms. Unlike most abuse survivors, her self-defense mechanisms involve subconsciously summoning violent plant life, and after a string of “sudden atrium incidents” in foster homes, she has been sent to the Rock Gardens, the nearest facility with Soames retrofitting to keep her powers from acting up at night. Klara is what some people in recovery circles like to call an adult child - due to a persistent lack of a stable environment, her emotional and psychological development has not occurred along regular lines, and so in some ways she’s very mature for an 13-year-old, but in other places, she’s slightly behind.

Katie is the daughter of U-Go Girl, a famous mutant superheroine, except that she only found this out recently, having grown up believing that U-Go Girl was her big sister. After inheriting her mom’s old journals, she learned the truth, and realized that her mother palmed her off on her grandparents in order to become a superhero. She didn’t take it well. She is a mutant, too, with the ability to teleport objects onto her body, and she used this to become a shoplifter. Unfortunately for her, she also inherited her mother’s notoriously low stamina, and after passing out in the middle of a spree, she got arrested. Thankfully, her family’s lawyer kept her out of juvie, but in exchange, she had to agree to a stint at the Gardens. She is ostensibly there to learn not to be a budding kleptomaniac, but what she really needs to learn is to let go of her anger.

Michael is the son of Wallow, one of Ghost Rider’s old enemies. When he was a little kid, his dad murdered his mom and tried to kill him and his sister, but was shot dead by the police. Fifteen years later, his dad’s ghost possessed him and tried to push him towards suicide. He survived, but you can imagine the kind of issues that being possessed by your dead father might incur. On top of the usual psychological issues, Michael has gained the ability to stir up fear, anxiety and depression in others. Michael symbolizes the concept of the family disease, the tendency for addictions or mental illnesses to pass down from one generation to the next.

Obviously, this is a work in progress, and I may need to adjust the lineup (I’m already a bit wobbly on Ritchie, because he appeared in comics recently, and Michael, because there’s not a lot of information about him on the Internet...)

[nataliesnews]

and a Follow-up

 A true and amazing story. First is the email sent to me by a friend followed by my response to him after some research.

  Alvin

 Subject: Fwd: An Amazing story – Pfizer Vaccine

                                         Hard to read but worth it. 

                            An Amazing story – Pfizer Vaccine

 Sixty thousand Jews were in Thessaloniki, Greece on the eve of the outbreak of World War II. A living and vibrant Jewish community. Most of the porters in the port of Thessaloniki were Jews. The port of Thessaloniki was even closed on Saturday. Great rabbis lived there too

It was on this glorious community that the Nazi terror brutally rose.

Hitler took Greece by storm to secure his southern wing before launching Operation Barbarossa and the offensive against Russia.

Out of 60,000 Thessaloniki Jews, about 50,000were exterminated in Birkenau in a very short time…. Few survived.

Among the survivors were the Bourla family.

After the war in 1961 a son was born to the Bourla family. And they named him Israel - Abraham. (Albert).

Albert grew up and studied veterinary medicine. He received his doctorate in reproductive biotechnology from the Aristotle University of Salonika Veterinary School.

At the age of 34 he moved to the United States. He married a Jewish woman named Miriam and had two children.

In the United States, Bourla was integrated into the medical industry. He progressed very quickly and joined the Pfizer company where he became 'Head of Global Vaccines'.

From there, the road is short for his appointment as CEO of Pfizer in 2019.

Throughout the year, Bourla led the company's efforts to find a vaccine for corona in super efforts.

The vaccine that will save the lives of millions of people around the world was led and pushed by a Jew. Son of Holocaust survivors. From Thessaloniki.

His vaccine will also reach Germany, where 1000s have died from Covid, and the vaccine will also save lives there.

And THIS is why Israel is becoming the first country to receive the vaccine. In memory of Albert’s grandparents.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 -----Original Message----- From: alvin.goldberg@verizon.net Sent: Fri, Mar 5, 2021 1:26 pm Subject: Fwd: A follow-up An Amazing story – Pfizer Vaccine

   Your email describing Albert Bourla's story of his family gave me the inspiration to look into it further and what follows is an expansion of his family's story.

   Albert Bourla: My Family’s Story: Why We Remember

  This week, as we do every year, we commemorated International Holocaust Remembrance Day so that the stories of the victims and survivors are never forgotten. Yesterday, I was deeply honored to join the Sephardic Heritage International in DC ‘s Annual Congressional Holocaust Commemoration to share my family’s story in connection with the Holocaust.

You can watch me deliver my remarks or read them below.

 Remembrance. It’s this word, perhaps more than any other, that inspired me to share my parents’ story. That’s because I recognize how fortunate I am that my parents shared their stories with me and the rest of our family.

 Many Holocaust survivors never spoke to their children of the horrors they endured because it was too painful. But we talked about it a great deal in my family. Growing up in Thessaloniki, Greece, we would get together with our cousins on the weekends, and my parents, aunts and uncles would often share their stories.

 They did this because they wanted us to remember. To remember all the lives that were lost. To remember what can happen when the virus of evil is allowed to spread unchecked. But, most important, to remember the value of a human life.

 You see, when my parents spoke of the Holocaust, they never spoke of anger or revenge. They didn’t teach us to hate those who did this to our family and friends. Instead they spoke of how lucky they were to be alive … and how we all needed to build on that feeling, celebrate life and move forward. Hatred would only stand in the way.

 So, in that spirit, I’m here to share the story of Mois and Sara Bourla, my beloved parents.

 Our ancestors had fled Spain in the late 15th century, after King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella issued the Alhambra Decree, which mandated that all Spanish Jews either convert to Catholicism or be expelled from the country. They eventually settled in the Ottoman Thessaloniki, which later became part of Greece following its liberation from the Ottoman Empire in 1912.

 Before Hitler began his march through Europe, there was a thriving Sephardic Jewish community in Thessaloniki. So much so that it was known as “La Madre de Israel” or “The Mother of Israel.” Within a week of the occupation, however, the Germans had arrested the Jewish leadership, evicted hundreds of Jewish families and confiscated their apartments. And it took them less than three years to accomplish their goal of exterminating the community. When the Germans invaded Greece, there were approximately 50,000 Jews living in the city. By the end of the war, only 2,000 had survived.

Lucky for me, both of my parents were among the 2,000.

 My father’s family, like so many others, had been forced from their home and taken to a crowded house within one of the Jewish ghettos. It was a house they had to share with several other Jewish families. They could circulate in and out of the ghetto, as long as they were wearing the yellow star.

 But one day in March 1943, the ghetto was surrounded by occupation forces, and the exit was blocked. My father, Mois, and his brother, Into, were outside when this happened. When they approached, they met their father, who also was outside. He told them what was happening and asked them to leave and hide. But he had to go in because his wife and his two other children were home. Later that day, my grandfather, Abraham Bourla, his wife, Rachel, his daughter, Graciela, and his younger son, David, were taken to a camp outside the train station. From there they left for Auschwitz-Birkenau. Mois and Into never saw them again.

 The same night, my father and uncle escaped to Athens, where they were able to obtain fake IDs with Christian names. They got the IDs from the head of police, who at the time was helping Jews escape the persecution of the Nazis. They lived there until the end of the war … all the while having to pretend that they were not Jews … that they were not Mois and Into – but rather Manolis and Vasilis. 

 When the German occupation ended, they went back to Thessaloniki and found that all their property and belongings had been stolen or sold. With nothing to their name, they started from scratch, becoming partners in a successful liquor business that they ran together until they both retired.

My mom’s story also was one of having to hide in her own land … of narrowly escaping the horrors of Auschwitz … and of family bonds that sustained her spirit and, quite literally, saved her life.

 Like my father’s family, my mom’s family was relocated to a house within the ghetto. My mother was the youngest girl of seven children. Her older sister had converted to Christianity to marry a Christian man she had fallen in love with before the war, and she and her husband were living in another city where no one knew that she had previously been a Jew. At that time mixed weddings were not accepted by society, and my grandfather wouldn’t talk to his eldest daughter because of this.

 But when it became clear that the family was going to head to Poland, where the Germans had promised a new life in a Jewish settlement, my grandfather asked his eldest daughter to come and see him. In this last meeting they ever had, he asked her to take her youngest sister – my mom – with her. 

There my mom would be safe because no one knew that she or her sister were of Jewish heritage. The rest of the family went by train straight to Auschwitz-Birkenau.

 Toward the end of the war, my mom’s brother-in-law was transferred back to Thessaloniki. People knew my mom there, so she had to hide in the house 24 hours a day out of fear of being recognized and turned over to the Germans. But she was still a teenager, and every so often, she would venture outside. Unfortunately, during one of those walks, she was spotted and arrested.

 She was sent to a local prison. It was not good news. It was well known that every day around noon, some of the prisoners would be loaded on a truck to be transferred to another location where the next dawn they would be executed. Knowing this, her brother-in-law, my dearest Christian uncle, Kostas Dimadis, approached Max Merten, a known war criminal who was in charge of the Nazi occupation forces in the city.

 He paid Merten a ransom in exchange for his promise that my mom would not be executed. But her sister, my aunt, didn’t trust the Germans. So, she would go to the prison every day at noon to watch as they loaded the truck that would transfer the prisoners to the execution site. And one day she saw what she had been afraid of: my mom being put on the truck.

 She ran home and told her husband who immediately called Merten. He reminded him of their agreement and tried to shame him for not keeping his word. Merten said he would look into it and then abruptly hung up the phone.

 That night was the longest in my aunt and uncle’s life because they knew the next morning, my mom would likely be executed. The next day – on the other side of town – my mom was lined up against a wall with other prisoners. And moments before she would have been executed, a soldier on a BMW motorcycle arrived and handed some papers to the man in charge of the firing squad.

 They removed from the line my mom and another woman. As they rode away, my mom could hear the machine gun fire slaughtering those that were left behind. It’s a sound that stayed with her for the rest of her life.

 Two or three days later, she was released from prison. And just a few weeks after that, the Germans left Greece.

 Fast forward eight years and my parents were introduced by their families in a typical-for-the-time matchmaking. They liked each other and agreed to marry. They had two children – me and my sister, Seli.

 My father had two dreams for me. He wanted me to become a scientist and was hoping I would marry a nice Jewish girl. I am happy to say that he lived long enough to see both dreams come true. Unfortunately, he died before our children were born ... but my mom did live long enough to see them, which was the greatest of blessings.

 So, that is the story of Mois and Sara Bourla. It’s a story that had a great impact on my life and my view of the world, and it is a story that, for the first time today, I share publicly.

 However, when I received the invitation to speak at this event – at this moment in time when racism and hatred are tearing at the fabric of our great nation – I felt it was the right time to share the story of two simple people who loved, and were loved by, their family and friends. Two people who stared down hatred and built a life filled with love and joy. Two people whose names are known by very few … but whose story has now been shared with the members of the United States Congress – the world’s greatest and most just legislative body. And that makes their son very proud.

 This brings me back to remembrance. As time marches on and today’s event shrinks in our rearview mirrors, I wouldn’t expect you to remember my parents’ names, but I implore you to remember their story. Because remembering gives each of us the conviction, the courage and the compassion to take the necessary actions to ensure their story is never repeated.

 Thank you again for the invitation to speak today. And thank you for remembering.

 Stay safe and stay well.

[usashirtstoday]

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[missbellesmagic]

Okay since I know it’d never get made here’s my concept of a remake for Back to the Future

Marty McFly is a girl, a biracial girl at that. Instead of being lazy, she’s late places and always tired because she’s hella overworked. It’s still set originally in 1985, and Marty is an A+ honors student, plays guitar and sings lead in a band and is dating her drummer (also a girl), and she has a job as Doc Brown’s Lab assistant.

There’s a dance planned that’s 50′s themed, and Marty is trying on her dress when Doc calls and asks her to come immediately to film an experiment, but she doesn’t have time to change. Experiment happens, he gets shot by the Libyans and Marty has to get away in the DeLorean.

Crash happens, Marty has to hide the car, and then tries to find Doc. Along the way,  she accidentally saves her mother from getting hit by a car and meets her family, etc. Her mother is under the impression she’s a fellow white girl and they form an acquaintance. She meets her dad at a diner (still a nerd, still bullied only now with racist undertones and in stolen clothes he’s left with the impression she’s a fellow black dude) 

She tracks down Doc and he’s having a party. She infiltrates it, he’s drunk and tries to hit on her and she hits him in the head with a bottle. This injury gives him the idea for a flux capacitor (this happened in the original screenplay only this time Marty is the girl he offends).

After everyone else leaves and she’s patching him up he sketches the idea and she explains the situation to him, and answers a bunch of questions to prove she’s from the future (Ronald Reagan? The actor?!?!?!) and that they know each other. Because she’s already met her parents and possibly interfered, she has to make sure they still end up together at the proper time. 

She bounces back and forth between them, forming friendships and learning more about both and manipulating them together. She sets them up for a date at the dance (California schools were integrated in 1945 so this isn’t an unbelievable stretch), and she drives her mother so her grandparents don’t know she’s going on a date with a black dude. 

Marty’s Dad still gets his nerves up and punches out the bully, but there’s no additional witnesses and Marty’s mom takes credit for it so he gets away. They go to the dance, Marty fills in for the injured guitar player (wearing his clothes so she blends in) and plays a song that hasn’t come out yet (Maybe “Can’t help falling in love” since that didn’t come out since 1961 but the band would know the tune since it’s basic for music students)

Big climatic ending with the lightning and Marty making it home safe, finding out her band got the gig for the dance and her parents surprise her with a car (not a super expensive giant truck, maybe just a good van she can haul her stuff in that will get her places faster)

Doc has to disappear, obviously, cuz of the Libyans, but he crashes back in at the end of the movie when she’s with her girlfriend and says that they have to go to the future to save their kids, which leads into the next movie. This one, instead of a real alteration is a causality loop where everything Marty does insures the future is exactly how its supposed to be, the timeline she lives in rather than a new one that raises a whole bunch of terrifying questions. Also, no Oedipal complex. 

In the second movie, they travel to 2015, only in this version it’s a realistic 2015, no flying cars (but the DeLorean can still fly and runs on green energy because the Doc has traveled farther than this) and Marty has to manipulate things from the shadows to keep her son from getting shot by police. 

Instead of a Sports Almanac, Marty grabs something like an economics book that shows the companies with the biggest growths and hardest falls so she has an investment edge and it winds up in Biff’s hands, cue the second half story of her having to fix the fucked up timeline.

Marty thinks Doc is dead, but then gets the letter and finds out he’s alive in the past and in the third movie goes back in time to 1885. Runs into her ancestor, a man born into slavery who is now a rancher with a lovely Native American wife and two cute af kids. Marty works with Doc Brown, saying she’s his daughter or w/e while they work to keep Doc from being murdered. Doc and Clara still fall in love, they still beef with old-timey Biff, they still succeed, Marty returns to her own time and Doc fucks off into the sunset with Clara and their kids. 

Still plenty of room for repetitive and parallel jokes and plenty of organic comedy can arise from these scenarios.

Idk I’m just glad I got this out of my system.

[ayeletgalena]

Bris Speech for Gabriel Solomon (Gavi) Galena

“Angels All Around” - Lincoln Square Synagogue 5/30/19 

--

So I was walking to shul this morning and I saw a watch store – with a big watch in the window. I walked in thinking I could get my watch fixed before the bris. The man behind the desk said, “Sorry sir, this is a mohel office – I’m a mohel, my father, my grandfather... in short, we’re all mohels.”  

“So you can't fix my watch?” The mohel responds abruptly “No”. 

So I ask while leaving, “So why then is there a big watch in the window if this is a mohel office?”

He responds, “And what exactly would you like us to put in the window....?”

Ha, I mean how many times do you get to do a Mohel Joke? I heard Seth Rogen got his start writing mohel jokes.....

----

So anyways, thank you Rabbis, friends & family for being here to welcome our little malach (malach means angel) Dovid Gavriel...

spoiler alert: We’re calling him Gavi…. I like the alliteration in a newscaster voice: “I’m Gavi Galena, The 10 O’Clock News” 

….A special thank you from myself and Hindy to the grandparents: Rabbi Reuben Poupko & Mindy, Bobby & Arna Fisher, and my mom Rita Lourie Galena for everything we know you do ...and even more for what we don’t know. It’s so special to have the blessing of grandparents on this special day as our Gavi joins the tribe.

Also to our siblings here and not here: Adina, Sarah, Benj, Isaac and Yael, Avi/Shifra, Tamar/Elliot, Ezy/Chany and Jen/David, Ari/Elyssa and Amy & Ben Fisher, Ben actually here from Chicago, thank you!

I say if the number of Poupko WhatsApps is an indication of love, this kid is set for life.  

---

So to talk about our little angel, in Hebrew Dovid Gavriel, in English Gabriel Solomon. I’d like to point to his two great grandfathers - Grandpa David Panar and Zayde Solomon Galena of blessed memory who he is named after.

This is a malach/melech (angel/king) theme – so the names David and Solomon. Two kings, standing beside you right now little Gavi.

First to the Hebrew. Dovid - Hindy’s famous grandpa Dave Panar. Arna’s incredible gentleman of a father who embodied integrity & ingenuity.  A mechanical engineer and later professor for over 25 years at the University of Alberta - he specialized in building, fixing and flying aircraft engines. He was trained first during WW2, he later found himself in Israel right before the war of Independence, and Israel had no airforce or fighter planes.

Miraculously, like everything in Israel’s history, out of the sky an Egyptian fighter jet crash lands on the Tel Aviv beach and the Israeli’s thought, heck we might be able to use this plane. In came David, who guided the search for building parts and then eventually figured out how to built Israel’s first fighter plane - The “Black Spit" -- critical to Israel’s success in the War of Independence. He gave Israel their wings. 

He went on to become a dedicated, beloved, and inspiring teacher and storyteller, so much like his daughter, Hindy’s mother Arna embodies, through her innovative educational work at Wexner Heritage and the University of Cincinnati. Both giving their students the profound unexpected inspiration, the angelic wings to go out there and soar.

So for Gavi, the wings of Israel were built on the back of your great grandpa David Panar and they are passed on to you little Gavi, to wear with pride, wisdom, strength & courage.

---

The next Melach is King Solomon, My Zayde of Worcester Massachusetts. Basically the exact opposite. He was a big, big guy, with an even bigger Massachusetts accent, and after serving in WW2 he took over his dad’s garbage business and almost everyone in town knew him. He could have easily been cast in the Sporano’s - “Solly Baby!” they would say when he appeared, The Jewish garbage & rubbish man. He cleaned up messes all around town. In fact, my year in Israel I get to yeshiva and when I say my name an older rebbe stands up and says what I hope is some connection to Philly or Twins etc, “Galena? Is your grandfather the famous garbage man in Worcester?” Nachas I never wanted but Galena’s always somehow make a name for themselves. 

My dad and our Zayde would always call us “his helpers” -- his literal malachim, surrounding him with love. And I find myself doing the same with my own children, my helpers.

---

Then the final malach - the Gavriel -  is the name we added. Gavriel is one of the archangels in the Torah, meaning God is my strength, my courage, my hero.

Funny thing about angels - my son Akiva once saw a Christmas special on TV and asked me about angels, he said so is Santa invisible? I said yes not really listening. Like Moshiach? I turn around um NO. Oh more like Hashem?? NOOO. So anyways I have some educational work to do but you get the point.  It’s a weird concept. Angels have one mission? They are invisible? They are holy? 

But when you look at who Gavriel is, he is kinda the badass angel. He represents justice, strength might, din. 

He is sorta the Fixer, the Michael Clayton, he cleans up messes. But Gavriel is all about the courage to do and fight for what is right. The original Avenger. He burns things down to build things back up. 

Side note: Gavriel is also apparently the angel of fire, and since Gavi was born on Lag Ba’Omer we found this a fitting sign for his name. Gavriel’s fire, not like Shimon bar Yochai’s fiery eyes, is often, in the end, used for the good of the story….Like the Dragon in Game of Thrones it can be fire for good (against white walkers) or fire for bad (women children in King’s Landing). Making hindy the mother of dragons..

Here are some Midrashic examples of the angel Gavriel interceding:

-Gavriel is one of 3 angels that visit Avraham after his bris, only to tell him he is off to destroy Sedom -He points Yosef in the right direction of his brothers, only so they can sell him into slavery -He collects the signs Yehuda gave Tamar only so she can confirm his paternity -He castrates Potifar (bris theme) so his wife needs Yosef, only to throw him in jail -He knocks out all the maidservants so Batya can pull out baby Moshe from the basket - He pushes baby Moshe’s hand to choose the burning hot coal instead of the gold, only to cause lisp    -He puts a tail on Vashti so she cant come out for Achashveirosh, 

There are many more.  It’s wild. Angels are nowhere and everywhere. And all these instances seem bad or painful, but in the long term ended up being the most critical pivot in our Jewish narrative.

And I ask myself - how many angels have done minor redirects in our lives? I turn left not right, meet this new person or see this old face. How many angels are in this beautiful shul alone listening. 

What I call Invisible Interventions. Little things change the course of the story. The faith in seeing the long of the story. This is the Gevura.

As the famous question around this time asks: Why is the chapter about Har Sinai next to the laws of Shmita? What’s one have to do with the other?

Because real strength is not just doing all the mitzvot- it’s the faith in waiting, holding off, the perseverance of staying the course for a year - and for some, many years. I think about on a personal level: How many needles, doctors, IVFs, retrievals did Hindy go through for this baby to get to this very moment? How many angels intervened? To believe that holding strong, come what may, is a real strength.

Azeh Ho Gibor? Hakovesh et yitzro... When do we feel most holy like angels? at the end of Yom Kippur, by holding off, by not eating. Neilah we are like angels. It’s the holding off that allows us to soar.

In our story - If our son Akiva represents comfort from loss, and Talia our blessing, Gavi represents our return of being fearless. The courage to continue. To move forward.

We have been blessed to be surrounded by angels on all four sides, as the song goes, with Rafael healing and comfort behind us ...and now Gavriel by our side. 

And as I think we can all feel in this room, if we close our eyes – V’al Roshi, V’Al Roshi - Shechina’s Kail, God’s presence, embracing us holding us, like a Rabbi Poupko classic bearhug.

---

One final interpretation of angels is in Pirkei Avos, and with this, I’ll close, it says that with each and every prayer or good deed a person does, you create an advocate, an angel. Angels are created by doing good. 

And what seems like yesterday, with the loss of our first star, angel Ayelet, still burning bright guiding us – like the torch of Lag Ba’omer...I don’t know the number of angels/advocates created by each of you here and our Ayelet Nation beyond – you have gotten us this far, your prayers/deeds were advocates - and with the new strength of our new little helper Gavi, I know we will continue to shine. 

May we all be zocheh today, tomorrow to go out there and keep creating angels… for ourselves, for others, and for our community - bimhayra vyamenu amen.

[love-god-forever]

Who Heals the Wounds in Her Heart and Gives Her a Warm Home

By Xiaolin, United States

My family was broken up.

A loud noise broke the stillness of the night, and it stirred me and my elder sister from sleep. I knew that father and mother were again quarreling. Since mother knew father had an affair, she smiled less and less, and as soon as father was mentioned, a faint look of complaint and sorrow would come into her eyes. Also from then on, they never stopped quarreling, and I was unable to remember how many times they had quarreled. Now, my elder sister and I cried and ran to their bedroom. When seeing father was trying to beat mother as he shouted abuse at her, I ran forward and tightly gripped his arm with tears in my eyes, but I failed to stop him because of his being too strong for me. That night, two of mother’s rigs were broken. This time, she could not bear living such a life anymore, so she went to other parts of the country for work.

However, father did not change a little bit as a result, but as usual, often stayed out all night and did not care about my sister and me, so that we had to go and live with our grandparents. Every day, on our way to and from school, seeing other kids were all accompanied by their parents while my sister and I were alone, I felt we were especially lonely. Because of such a home environment, my test scores, which were originally good, went down sharply. What I feared most was the teacher-parent meeting that my school convened, because when my head teacher did not see my parents there, he would ask me about it. At that moment, I always kept my head down with tears in my eyes and didn’t say a word, not wanting to talk about this topic.

I remembered that one time when I returned home after school, I knocked at the door for a long time, but no one answered. Standing outside, I, for the first time, felt as if I had had no home to return to. Later, a neighboring aunt saw me standing outside alone, and she thereupon took me to her home. No sooner had I entered than I saw her son telling to his family all kinds of funny things that he had encountered at school. Seeing their whole family was joyous, I was extremely envious of them and thought to myself: If father had not had an affair, mother would not have left us. Then every day after I come home from school, I could have also, like other children, been capable of enjoying delicious food prepared by my mother, hearing her nagging, acting like a spoiled child in her arms, and enjoying the warmth of family. But now, they were just fantasies! I hated my father for what he had done, because it was he who personally destroyed our family, making me lose the warmth of family since childhood.

My parents failed to get back together.

As I gradually grew up, I became more sensible. When my sister and I saw that when mother occasionally called home, father began to ask us about her situation, which gave us an impression that his attitude toward mom seemed to have changed somewhat, we started to persuade mother to come back. At last, she agreed and stepped onto the way back home. At that time, both my sister and I thought that maybe our family could become complete. However, the fact was not like what we imagined. In the following days, father still often indulged in debauchery outside, and, just as he always did before, shouted abuse at and beat mother, and threw things. “Let’s get divorced.” became their oft-spoken words, and they frequently asked me and my sister: “If we get divorced, whom will you choose to live with?” I was extremely unwilling to make a choice, and every time they asked like this, my sister and I could do nothing but only express our unwillingness by crying.

In order to change all of this, I wiped tears from my face, and decided to live in a different way—to make myself a real delight in our family. So I made myself optimistic and positive, and tried to infect my family with my laughter, expecting that, through my efforts, the conflicts between my parents could be resolved one day. However, things were not like what I imagined. Although I was able to often crack them up, their smiles, like fireworks, were just brilliant for a short while. When I was eighteen, my parents still got divorced. Mother took me and my sister and left the home, which made her broken-hearted, and then rented a small house outside.

Not long after, I went back home to fetch something, only to find that my key could not go in the lock. After a while I learned from a neighbor that as soon as we moved out, father changed the lock. Also I was told that father had brought home the woman with whom he had an affair, as well as her son, and that some time ago, they even went out to travel together, and father also bought many things for them. On hearing this, I felt a fit of sadness in my heart that was hard to describe, and thought to myself: Why is it that others’ families are joyous and full of laughter, while mine is always cold and full of quarrels? When will I be able to have a warm home?

God’s love warmed my cold heart.

Just when I was in distress and despair, one of my mother’s classmates preached the gospel of God to us.

I saw God’s words say: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.”

These eager calls of God truly warmed my heart. From an early age, I neither had a happy childhood nor enjoyed the warmth and care of family; I leaded a particularly miserable and hopeless life without direction. God’s words, like a beam of light in darkness, lighted up my way ahead and my wandering heart finally found a place where it belonged to. Then I knelt to pray, spoke the words within my heart to God, and committed my future life to God’s hands, letting God lead me through every day.

I understood the root cause of my family being broken up.

One time at a gathering, one sister shared with us a passage of God’s words : “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.”

After she finished reading God’s words, brothers and sisters discussed their understanding and knowledge of God’s words. Through their fellowship, I understood that Satan creates all kinds of evil trends, and uses those prevailing fallacies in society to deceive and corrupt mankind, such as “Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short,” “Enjoy yourself today,” “A spouse at home and a lover outside,” etc. Because we humans have no truth, we simply do not know how to distinguish between righteousness and wickedness, between positive things and negative things, much less have the awareness to resist the evil trends brought about by Satan. We unwittingly accept these viewpoints and begin to live according to them, becoming more and more degenerate and evil.

Now, I thought of my father. He originally was responsible to our family and cared for us. However, after he went to other parts of the country for work and saw people around him all followed the evil trends, he gradually began to like to indulge in debauchery in the dance hall and chat online, thinking that only this kind of life was full of color and flavor. Later, he even had an affair. He cared only for enjoying himself, showed disregard for mother’s feelings, and also no concern for me and my sister. What he did brought the whole family nothing but much pain, and even caused our family to be broken up in the end. Now, from God’s words, I understood that the root cause of our family breaking apart was the evil trends created by Satan. Actually, father was also a victim of these evil trends. He didn’t believe in God and had no truth, so how could he be able to resist the attack of the evil trends? Though his actions were detestable, what was even more detestable was that Satan uses evil trends to constantly entice and corrupt people, which led to so many families being torn apart.

God gave me a warm home.

Since my family believed in God, brothers and sisters often came to our home to teach us to sing hymns and dance to praise God, and most importantly, regardless of the wind or rain, they would come to gather with us. Later I began to perform my duty. In the church, my brothers and sisters and I all seek to put God’s words into practice, and each of us opens our heart during our interaction with each other, leading a happy life. Besides, whatever difficulties or troubles I faced, they would help and sustain me through fellowshiping God’s words with me, so that I could find the way of practice, and no longer live in negativity and weakness. In our church life, brothers and sisters shared their gains from experiencing God’s work, through which we knew God more practically, and had a better understanding of God’s will. I felt such church life was abundant, and I could gain a lot from every meeting.

Besides, in the church, my brothers and sisters cared for and loved me more than my family did, which made me feel all warm inside. When it got cold, they gave their new quilts to me, while they themselves used the old ones. When I returned home late, the meals they had prepared for me were always kept cooking in the pot. When I encountered problems that I couldn’t resolve, they always tried their best to help me. When I was going to another place for work, they, with tears in their eyes, exhorted me to rely on God and pursue the truth hard. Their warm eyes and kind words are unforgettable for me even today. I knew deeply that their love for me all came from God’s love, and it was God’s love that made us meet in the house of God and bound us together, enabling me to have a warm family.

Later, I saw God’s words say: “What you eat and wear is different to them; you enjoy the words of God, and lead a life of meaning—and what do they enjoy? They enjoy only the legacy of their ancestors and the ‘national spirit.’ They have not the slightest trace of humanity! Your clothes, words, and actions are all different from theirs. Ultimately, you will completely leave the filth, no longer be ensnared in the temptation of Satan, and gain God’s daily provision. You should always be cautious. Though you live in a filthy place you are untainted with filth and can live alongside God, receiving His great protection. You have been chosen among all on this yellow land. Aren’t you the most blessed people?” Thank God for allowing me to have the good fortune to follow Him and return to His side. From His words, I have learned to discern the despicable methods of Satan afflicting people, which made me keep away from the evil trends of society and the temptations of Satan, so that I was able not to be deceived by the evil trends. I thought of many of my classmates who have good living conditions, and whose parents always prepared everything for them. They were especially pampered and vain, and even began at an early age to date or stay in a hotel room with boys. They were also seductively dressed and heavily made up, and went to KTV, games arcade, and so on, leading a debauched life.

Now look back on myself. Though I had an unhappy family and it caused me to suffer a lot, I gradually learned to be independent these years and was able to take care of myself, and learned to bravely face difficulties in my life. Moreover, I really tasted Satan’s affliction on mankind in such a family background. And I also experienced that I’m not lonely because God is always by my side, He protects me, and He watches me grow up. And He brought me to His family where I have enjoyed the true warmth of family. Thank God for giving me this best gift—a warm home—when I was eighteen. My hopes of many years were finally realized.