#especially after today it just cemented it like no i can't do this anymore i don't get paid enough to be screamed at and hit and kicked and

[cowardlycowboys]

I get a raise in April but i don't know how to tell her I'm also quiting after Kingston's and my birthday

[snifflesthemouse]

It's been a crazy day...

If you live in the United States, you know why today is a crazy day. But this isn't going to be about that. Even though I really want to talk about it.

THIS POST will have to deal with the rumors flying regarding the potential for a second Oprah Interview.

Do you ever wonder why people like Amber Heard just can't help themselves? Let me fill you in. Of course if you're new here, I strongly suggest you take a look see around the blog and get familiar with my credentials. I speak with the authority of my own experience alone. I am also infamous for admitting when I am wrong, though. (If I get time to see the corrections). Assume everything I say is speculative opinions only. Unless I have proof to show you, it's my own opinion, kay?

One would argue that doing a second Oprah interview would be unwise for all parties involved. Many criticized O for not pushing or questioning any answers given by the couple. I, on the other hand, have had time to digest everything. I feel that, in a way, Oprah always meant to allow them the peace of saying anything they wanted.

For O, she was the one who got the cash from CBS and iTV for the interview. As you most all know, finding a legal version of that interview is difficult. Every other interview O did after the duo is easily found. Not that one.

Maybe it's because O is waiting for the right number amount before selling streaming rights. Maybe this was really an overt operation. Maybe O's loyalty lies with the real Royals, not the runaways.

Think about it for a moment. The O video was the first big interview the duo sat down for after leaving the UK and royal duties. Oprah's notoriety as a talkshow host is massive in the US. She, in a way, is the closest version of royalty the US has. Even our elected officials don't survive the distractions of American idiotism anymore. Only those billionaire names and faces that have taken up air space for generations really hold that esteem here.

But anyone like O could only get to where she is by being wiser than everyone else in the room. Meaning she wasn't being played when the duo spilled their "truth". She could've been playing them instead.

If I were a narcissist billionaire wanting to cement or refresh my place in American pop culture, an interview with a controversial person would do the trick (i.e. Amber Heard, H&M, etc.). The narc is going to want to get everything out of the con as possible. Some will give up when they know they're caught. Others will lean in more. My ex was the latter.

My ex would lean in even harder. He would argue that real victims would never stop crying. It didn't matter if they cried wolf or bear. They never stop crying because even one glance in their direction is enough to keep going. It's an addiction in its own rite. People get addicted to openly bullshitting others because they know nothing will ever be done. If there is any hope out there that just one person believes the bullshit, the narc will fight tooth and nail until there are two believers. This is how we got to where we are today in many areas of society, but back to O.

She would know the real royalty is where the real value lies. She was still salty about not getting that Diana interview way back. For a lot of Americans, Harry is the closest thing to Diana they can get. Weird, I know. But still. The second son of Diana, Princess of Wales is way better than nothing. Even if the wife comes, too. BUT AGAIN... This could've been an opportune moment for a person like Oprah.

She would've seen the benefit in letting them ramble on and say anything they want. Especially if what they were saying could - and would- eventually be proven as a lie. O wasn't the liar in the interview. She was just a "safe space"... remember?

It could be entirely possible that O was really doing the BRF a big solid by allowing them to get their own nonsense out there. If there is a second interview, it would only be to finish the job left unfinished. Or just a big cash grab.

I wholeheartedly believe that O would only do a part two of an interview with strict stipulations. That would include cross examination most likely. O doesn't like being made a fool.

Narcs recognize narcs, and they will work together in tandem if it means everyone benefits. O gets her money either way. She's not the one lying.

It would be easy to think she allowed them enough water in the swimming pool to drown themselves. Otherwise, she risked her entire career for two fibbers and their truths.

OH A SIDE NOTE... How someone feels through something is one thing. Lying about things that can be proven to be lies is just lying. I am not debating her mental health issues while in the royal fam. Truth is, narcs love themselves too much to ever commit suicide. See The Thing About Pam.

Anyway... if the interview is going on, I doubt Netflix will get the rights to it. O would go bigger. I suspect they'll either be fired or have already been here in the last couple of days. It would justify the chin uppers coming from Nacho Man.

IDK... I think Gayle King would take the second one. She is owed that much for peddling for the Sunshines...

[okaybutlikeimagine]

El has a nightmare and Hop has a night shift, so she can't talk to him about it and goes to Billy instead. Imagine Jim coming home in the morning and finding El sleeping in her brother's bed taking almost all the space and the covers, while Billy is about to fall off with one leg and one arm touching the floor. And Hop can feel his heart melt because this is the cutest thing he's ever seen.

HI I’M the one melting bc this is so adorable!! ♥ i’ve been bundled into a ball of fluff over the idea of this.

One of my absolute FAVORITE things that really cemented me into the “I live and breathe for Billy’s found family and you can pry it from my cold dead hands” club was fics where Billy looks out for El. like, something about this big rough and tough and emotionally vulnerable boy noticing and helping out this small but also feisty and emotionally vulnerable girl just drives me CRAZy ♥

their dynamic is TOO GOOD. they’re so similar and both deal with the same kinds of traumas and call me crazy, but I don’t think Billy likes the idea of other people going through what he went through. I think he likes to THINK he does, I think he likes to both silently and very loudly wish ill of people- usually bullies or assholes who think they’re clever. Think they’re better than him bc they have whatever constitutes as a “happy home life”. He hates those people. Those are the people he (almost) wishes could feel the pain he’s felt his whole life… the pain of trying to be as small as possible, to take up as little space as possible, and still get slapped for it.

The thing is… he never actually means it. He likes to think that if he was given the choice, he could throw his life and all of the pain that’s come with it onto some poor, unsuspecting soul… but somehow he knows he would never. Could never. It’s an upsetting thought for him.

And he most definitely wouldn’t want anything plaguing a little kid… especially this little girl that Billy shares a home with now.

Bc Billy’s no stranger to nightmares, and within about 3 days of moving into the Hopper household, he knows El isn’t either. Bc he wakes up to shrieks. It startles him awake, gets his heart racing like crazy, and sets his entire body on fire because…

Because he hears heavy footsteps, rushing somewhere on the wooden floors. 

He’s awake but his mind is still processing it so his vision is blurry and all he sees is a large figure barreling towards the only room- El’s room, and the door slams open and the shrieks get louder and Billy’s livid.

And he jumps into action, gracelessly because he’s still drunk with sleep and exhaustion (because those first few weeks in the cabin are rough on him.) and he rushes to El’s room, running himself into the doorway, leaning heavily on it, eyes scanning wildly to stop this because holy shit he didn’t think this man was like this but then again how could he be so stupid as to think this man wasn’t a poison to society like every man Billy’s ever met and-

And….

And El is crying and Billy’s vision is getting less blurry and she’s… she’s hugging Hop. Hop is on the bed, arms wrapped tight around the little bundle of curls and tears that are shivering against his chest, and Hop shoots a look up to Billy in the doorway. He must look like a fire being doused.

You okay? Hop mouths, patting El’s head.

Billy’s blinking hard, trying to make sure he knows exactly what he’s looking at- make sure he knows that there’s no danger here.

El starts mumbling something… something about monsters and labs and Papa and…

Billy leaves. Stumbles his way back to the couch and flops back down and falls into a restless sleep of his own monster.

And it takes a bit for him to realize he may never get used to it. Every time he sees something other than reality. Every time his mind is somewhere that isn’t the present. Every time Billy rushes, heart beating violently, over to the room, leaning heavily on the door, ready to fight, mind just racing with thoughts of: oh no, it finally happened. He finally did it. He’s finally bored of me. He finally moved on to her...

Every time Billy snaps back to the present, taking note of the girl having brown hair rather than red…

But Billy just never gets used to it. He never gets comfortable. It’s happened a countless number of times and every time he’s nervous and today, when El screams, Billy is up in a second, stumbling on wobbly legs that’re heavy with sleep over to her room to see her standing and crying and wobbling around herself. She’s wandering around her room, bumping into her bedframe and her dresser and her wall because she has her hands covering her eyes in fear.

Billy grabs hold of her, embracing her in his arms, keeping her still. He feels her shake as his sleep hazy mind slowly clears.

“Monsters.” is all she can say but it’s all Billy needs to hear.

So he guides her out of her bedroom and into the living room to sit on his bed in the corner. He lets her talk for a minute about what she saw and how it makes her feel and Billy just lets her before he tells her it’s “not real” and that she doesn’t have to be scared. He doesn’t quite know what else to say. Even though he has nightmares too, he’s not sure what he’d want to hear. It works, nonetheless. She breathes a little more even and nods and curls herself up in the corner of his bed while he goes to grab her a glass of milk and an extra blanket.

When Billy notices she’s not shaking anymore, he figures this is the perfect time to guide her back to her bed and try to get back to sleep himself, but the second he opens his mouth she beats him to it.

“Can you sing?”

His brows furrow deeply. “Huh?”

“Sing? Can you sing a song?”

“Uhhh… I don’t really sing, kiddo.”

“Yes you do. Sometimes you sing.”

“Yeah but-”

“Please?”

And it’s the puppy dog eyes and the pouting lip and the fact that her face is still puffy from crying that really seals the deal.

So he gives her the extra blanket and lets her get cozy and tries for the life of him to think of something to sing- some slow song he’s heard her listen to or that he’s heard and knows the lyrics to or that, maybe possibly, his mom used to sing for him when he was a kid… but even those are far and distant and muffled and it’s stupid but there’s only one song and it’s only the chorus that he can think of.

So…. well…

He makes sure she’s comfy and he lays back in the bed a bit and he twists his face up a bit and sings rather awkwardly-

“Take me down to the paradise city… where the grass is green… and the girls are pretty… oh won’t you please take me home?”

She snuggles in more, burying her face into his arm and grabbing hold of it. He sighs a little, trying his damnedest to sing the chorus slowly and in some kind of tune that resembles a lullaby.

Somehow, for some reason, it does work- with only a couple repetitions of the chorus, El is fully calm and asleep against Billy’s arm, her own arms wrapped around it like it’s a teddy bear. The smile Billy gives to her is small and soft and involuntary, and he keeps singing the chorus, softer and softer and even softer, until he too is asleep.

And just imagine Hop’s heartwarming surprise when he comes into the cabin after a grueling and tiring shift to find El spread like a semi-broken starfish across the bed, the blankets mostly wrapped around her and yet with a hand still gripping onto the arm of Billy, who is half off the bed and yet still fully passed out.

He chuckles to himself as he pulls off his boots, makes some coffee for Billy to wake up to, and gets ready for some shut eye of his own.

And imagine Hop’s even more… perhaps confusing surprise when Guns and Roses’ Paradise City comes on the radio one night when they’re all driving back from the Byers’ home and El shouts out “lullaby!”

He shoots Billy a very confused look, to which the boy just shrugs and makes his best “I have no idea what she’s talking about and don’t ask me” face.

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

[tottymatsuno]

In The Peach Pit, Saw You Fake It

Chapter 3: Stop following, weirdo!

Author: Roro (tottytown)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: Romance, technically exes? enemies to friends to lovers, coworkers, fake dating, tsundere Todomatsu, eventual bedsharing, eventual fake strangers

Rating: PG-13 (cussin)

Summary: The day at work ends, you drop that asshole off at his train stop and you hear him talking shit.

Word count: 3102/prob 50 or 60k unedited and segmented away

Warnings: Todomatsu is mentally ill LOL

commentary: the fic's name comes from a Say Anything song: Orgy of Critics. I really like it a lot, especially the lines "you brought me to my knees, your art it brought me to my knees" anyways i'm hoping to god ill be able to upload another chapter tonight. as always pls dn mind the typos i have disabled hands ;w;

Your morning shift comes to an end at 3pm with nothing really keeping you to linger. Aside from the lunchtime awkwardness you had a pretty decent day all things considered. Things probably won’t be too bad from here on out, which makes you optimistic as you exit the staff room. It's a nice slightly chilly spring afternoon so putting on your hoodie really warms you up.

A moment of silence to savor the small things in life that make you happy. The sounds of life outside of the bookstore, the sun rays on your cheeks, the plush lining of your hoodie, the wind teasing your hair, and the fact that you still basically have all day to yourself to enjoy.

You wonder what you should do after your errand, maybe you should go out and have fun? An idea of what was fun flashes before your eyes and you quickly veto it. Fun isn’t getting blackout drunk in the middle of the day anymore so no. Maybe you should go buy some plants? Your home does feel a little dark, maybe some greenery will lighten it up some?

You think about these things while attending to your final touches of appearance. Company policy prevents more than one set of earrings on the clock and you would die if your piercings closed because of work, so carefully you walk at a glaciers pace into the street and place each pair in.

You're always the last to leave the staff room because of the amount of primping it takes to get your punk aesthetic somewhat back in place.

Once completely out of the threshold of the store you hear someone exhale sharply in aggression behind you.

"Ugh, it's you again. Get lost, I don't want to see your creepy face anymore today." Look who's making another dusty appearance. You were in a decent mood til you heard his fairy prince-esque voice.

You actually laugh at this as you keep walking straight ahead placing the last of your studs back in.

"I'm in front of you, dipshit. You can't see my face, fucking idiot. Anyways thanks for the latte art." You manage to snort out. You super maturely stick out your tongue and flip Matsuno the bad finger once more after the last of the studs were placed in your ears. Now that your appearance was back to perfection you can finally leave and walk at your normal pace. You have long legs so your strides are always much faster than people expect which comes in handy especially when you have somewhere to be.

And you do have somewhere to be! You've got some shopping to do, there was an email just in time letting you know that your local supermarket was having a huge one day sale on all of the household goods you needed to stock up on.

Without much further thinking you were already over half a block away. Your walking pace was slower than usual because you need to double check the sale items and your shopping list to make sure they align, plus there's a few goodies to get just because.

You need to budget carefully because isn’t there another event coming up for F6 in two months? You’ll need to save in advance to get some of your bias’ merch.It's not until you hear the sound of footsteps pounding on cement that you think to look behind you.

"What the fuck are you doing, you creep?!" You don't hide your disgust by any means, dude the fuck. There's Matsuno right behind you panting because he's out of breath. "Why'd you run after me?" You start digging in your Kuromi bag for your unofficial self defense tool. An ornately decorated metal hat pin your great grandmother gave you from her time in the west.

It's sharp.

"I... Ah! Whoo, just gi-gimme a second... It's not that I -" Matsuno huffs to regulate his breathing pattern. "It's not like I wanted to follow you! I don't remember how to get to F station from work." Matsuno admits defensively.

"So you followed me." You grip the hat pin tighter. "How long were you gonna follow me, stalker-kun?"

"Tch, gross! Like anybody would want to follow you around all day! I just wanted to learn how to get to the station, not stalk around the Bride of Frankenstein." Matsuno is arguing way too much for someone who has a cell phone with an amazingly efficient map application.

"You don't even know if I have to go to F station." You point out.

"Ryoko-san said you do so take me with you."

"Use your phone, I'm busy." Once again you take off this time at your regular pace, but every time you glance behind you there is a flushed Matsuno trying to duck behind something. He's extremely far away, but with contacts in you can see him easily. This bastard is really getting on your nerves, you really wanna light up a cigarette to calm down. The urge is intense, so you turn away to dig in your bag for the nicotine gum.

After catching him do this six times you have to admit there’s many twists and turns you finally call out to Matsuno, "C'mon hurry up then. I don't have literally all damn day to babysit your slow ass. Let's go!" Matsuno finally runs up with a slightly sheepish smile. "Thanks."

You slow down which drives you insane when Matsuno still has to jog to keep up. You drop him off at the station wordlessly because you refuse to talk to him more than necessary. You feel Matsuno's eyes trail after you when you don't enter the station with him.

"Where are you going?" He asks you surprisingly soft before flinching and course correcting, "Not that I care. I'm just curio-" You left in the middle of his explanation.

You wouldn't owe him an answer even if he were your boyfriend, let alone rude n w coworker. Plus there's a lot on your mind that requires an actual battle plan. Entering the grocery store at this time will be a war that requires strategy. Dropping off Matsuno took valuable time from getting there early, so now when you walk in the chaos is in full swing.

It takes a lot of ducking, dodging, weaving and maybe a honest to God punch or two to leave victorious, but thankfully your war paint, intimidating face and deep voice left you mostly unscathed. You'll sport a black eye tomorrow but your pocket book thanks you as you triumphantly leave with the next two months of supplies and a week's worth of groceries at a deep discount.

Your arms are killing you by the time you make it back to the station's general area. Thankfully your apartment is extremely close to it so you're happy to see it again. Just around one more corner and you're home. The second you walk through the door you realize a full day of work, getting into a physical battle with a buncha super strong old women over discounts, and then finally carrying them all home without any assistance has left you more than exhausted.

You ain't cooking today, lmao are you kidding? It's not in your budget right now to order out right now but thankfully your area has a great convenience store with cheap pre-made meals right by the station.

You are legit about to have sensory overload at this point, so the giant "don't you fucking dare talk to me" headphones are on and your happy F6 playlist is on. Contacts are off, and you have a pair of transitional glasses on since all the lights are too bright everywhere.

When you finally drag your tired corpse into the convenience store to pick up today's second lunch and tonight's dinner plus some teas the vibe of the store is weirder than usual. You get the feeling of an enemy being nearby but internally laugh it off as a weird misplaced anxiety.

Like that thing from mindcraft about not being able to sleep or whatever. Oh yeah, maybe you should finally check that game out. You keep hearing people suggest it. You turn down the music just enough to pay better attention to your surroundings to ease your paranoia but not enough to freakout from sensory overload.

You've had a tough day socializing today and you refuse to be exposed to anymore bullshit. These are your thoughts as you wander around the store to double check if there's anything else you want as you will not be stepping outside of your home until your next shift.

Oh yeah. Maybe a few sour candies are in order as a treat? Plus you forgot to pick up the latest issues of a few magazines at work due to what a fucked up day today has been. You start hearing the muffled voice that sorta reminds you of one of the idol's from F6.

Sounds like your favorite one which is especially nice to hear considering you have a Totty love ballad playing right now. Speaking of which, isn't that Matsuno's nickname? He must've stolen it, the loser. But oh well, Matsuno isn't anywhere near as cute as the real Totty. This makes you pay closer attention to what the guy was whining about now that you are closer to the source.

"I wanna quit. I know... I understand that! Yeah, I know." Aw, poor guy.

"Yes, I'm aware it's my first day! But Choro - but he quit without finishing a whole shift! Why?!" You feel really bad for this guy, the way he's whining this must be his first part time. He's probably very young.

"Because there's a girl I rejected that works there who hates me and wants to make my life hell!" You spot the issues you want while pitying this poor poor guy.

You don't look over at him because you wanna keep being nosy. People usually get all weird about private conversations when they notice someone else listening. You however are perfect at eavesdropping and your headphones are the best disguise.

Aw, that's not even a nice thing to say to your son even if it's true. You hear this guy's mother scream that he "couldn't reject anyone as an adult virgin and stop lying to get out of working!" That's really harsh.

Even virgins should be able to pick a comfortable workplace and their partner. Losing a virginity should be at least sort of special and done with some discernment you think. You know you would have chosen different.

Oh, this guy's flipping through the alt fashion magazine you wanted. That's neat, you think reaching over to grab your own copy. Small world. You like that guy's nail polish too. Where'd he get it, does it come in black?

"I could've totally rejected her, I might be a virgin but I still have pride as a ma...!" Something made the dude physically jump as if he were burned badly. His phone clattered to the ground near your feet so you remove your headphones apologetically reach down to pick it up.

"Are you hurt?" You begin to ask before checking if his screen cracked. "The phone's okay, but you might wanna case. I went through so many phones before because of butter fingers." You laugh lightly while wiping off the screen and dusting it off.

"I have the same brand of phone so I know...."

When you extend it as an offering you know exactly why this dude jumped.

"Ah. It's Matsuno." You shove the phone back into his hands and walk to the register. It's a blur after that before you're home, you left with your music back on full blast and didn't stop when you heard someone call behind you. Not once.

Time drifts away by a few days with you avoiding the cafe by all costs. Not because you were embarrassed by what Matsuno lied about. Instead it was the exact opposite, if you saw Matsuno those creepily large eyes would be bruised shut and his ugly cat smile would be lacking a tooth or two. You more than anything want to beat his ass.

But you don't want another assault case. You could almost get off on the idea of humbling that snobby two faced liar. The picture of your fist deeply embedded in his flushed face comes naturally. A fat lip would work wonders for him. So you bring bentos from home and eat in the break room exclusively for the next week.

It isn't until Ryo texts you asking if something was wrong is when the anger mostly dissipates. She rarely texts you outside of the work group chat so that's a surprise. Well maybe not since you left the work chat a few weeks back.

When you finally go back for lunch, Ryo quickly sends Matsuno to the storage area to count the straws.

"Hey, stranger..." Ryo's pitying voice is always very comforting. She cares, y’know? Pride shouldn't get in the way of appreciating someone giving a shit when they aren't obligated to. Besides you two are only work friends so her even noticing is a big deal for you.

"Yeah, hey." You mumble mostly to yourself.

"So uhm. There's a lot going on right now so are you okay?" Ryo asks gently.

You sigh out just about your wits end. "I just wanna knock his teeth out."

"That’s understandable." Ryo has probably been trying to stay neutral this whole time. She actually has to work a lot of shifts with this guy, and as much as you'd like to get him fired that's not in your character. Violence is, but the disruption of a livelihood is typically a last resort only.

"I kinda don't wanna talk about it, so can I just have a pretzel and iced coffee? I like it with a lot of mocha and caramel with a bunch of cream and light sugar." You just wanna get in and outta here as fast as possible.

"No latte today?" You notice the disappointment in Ryo's voice while ringing you up. "No thanks, I'm good."

"Let's talk more after work later." Ryo suggests as she hands your order. With food in tow you slink back into the safe underbelly of the break room. Daisuke's seated at a table, when he notices you wander in like a Saint incarnate invites you to sit with him.

"How are you?" A standard greeting but it balms the bruises on your ego.

"Eh, could be better. What's new with you?" You sip from your coffee before taking a page outta Daisuke's book and checking your phone.

You glare at it since your notifications are still comments about the latte art. This is your personal account, you ain't an influencer or content creator so this entitled behavior of strangers trying to dictate your uploading habits is getting hella annoying. You should have never listened to that tiktok about SEO.

No you aren't posting more Matsuno anytime soon, no you don't have to take more full body pictures of your outfits, no you don't have more money for kawaii hauls, no you don't want to upload makeup tutorials unless you feel like it, and Goddammit if one person sends a latte request instead of coming in and ordering it their damn self you'll scream!

You have a decent amount of followers but it's pissing you off. You're so close to deactivating your account.

Well maybe their engagement isn't what's making you so angry, but it certainly isn't making you feel all peachie keen either.

What'd he say? You forgot you even asked Daisuke a question. "Huh? Repeat that, please?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I was just asking if that's all you're having for lunch today." Daisuke is a nice guy, being concerned about you like this.

"Yeah, I'm not very hungry right now." You reply, picking at the pretzel.

"I saw you were taking lunches from home for a while, it made me really jealous because they always look so good. Do you make them yourself?"

You find yourself smiling at Daisuke, "It depends. If I'm too tired to meal prep the night before, then no. Most of the time though I manage to slap something together."

"It must be quite the honor to eat your cooking. If you don't mind I'd love to eat the lunch you brought if you're not going to." Daisuke has a cute little laugh, especially when he's complimenting you.

"Sure, go for it. It's in the fridge." You aren't a high schooler anymore so the big deal behind making your crush a bento has lost its luster but it's still nice to have your hard work acknowledged. That’s what you appreciate about Daisuke; he finds you capable. He never babies you or treats you like a weirdo, and he’s never condescending. Daisuke treats you like an equal who can handle your fair share.

Lunch ends quickly after that with Daisuke lifting your mood immediately. Then the rest of your shift is alternating being on the register and checking inventory until a little old lady needs help finding a very specific reference book.

Takes up the last hour of your shift and then some but she's a cute granny so you don't mind. Especially after she commented on how beautiful your hair is which is the highlight of your day.

You texted Ryo you'd be late, so when you finally rang up granny and clocked out it was already thirty minutes past the scheduled end of shift. You don't bother putting all of your many piercings on this time or redoing your makeup since you're so late. You also check to see if Matsuno is lurking about and to your relief he already left.

When you catch up with Ryo you apologize.

"Sorry! You know how it is with grandmas."

Ryo smiles, "It's okay. You seem to be in better spirits." You nod. "I thought it was normal that Matsuno-san was upset about whatever happened between you two, but it was really weird that you were too. I thought since you're a shift manager you would be thinking about the buyout." Ryo's pensive voice surprises you.

"Buyout?" Is all you can manage to say.

"There were talks about it online for a while, but all of us managers got an email confirming it this morning."

Ryo, this is the first you've heard of this!

"I didn't get one I checked my email multiple times today and nada one. " "I thought the shift leaders would get one too, though." "Not me then. What the fuck." Ryo sighs aloud and despondently kicks a stray pebble. "They're going to make a lot of changes that they swear are for the betterment of the store. I dunno though, because I've heard the places bought by them tank within a few years because how shitty they treat their crew." This must be weighing on Ryo more-so than you thought. "Well at least hopefully they're not the type of company that replaces the management positions with their own people, right?" You offer out hoping to sound considerate. Ryo instead sucks through her teeth and grimaces at you. "I dunno, they said I have a new performance eval due in another email. Here's hoping."

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Hi again! Sorry for not using ask box at first, I'm on mobile lol. Anyways I was hoping you can do the compainions with a male reader who has PTSD and fluff happens? Its no biggue if you can't! Thanks!

Cait:

(I strongly headcanon she has ptsd as well)

“Hey, ya aren’t looking too good......oh shite.”

All because the house you were searching scrap for had a particularly familiar blue crib within it. She knew from the second your eyes went hazy that something was gravely wrong. However it was when you approached the crib and you became numb to her touches and words she was queued to take action.

With a light sigh she finally forced your unseeing gaze away from the crib, dismayed at the far off look your eyes held.

“Sole, look at me, you’re stronger than this.” She whispered in an uncharacteristically soft voice. “Come on, let’s just get out of here and go get a pint. Sound good?”

~~

Curie:

“Shh, everything is alright mon amour.”

To say she was confused at first would be a vast understatement. It was for once a normal day, no scavenging, no violence, not even a disenchanted settler going off. Everything was calm and yet you could do nothing to stop the horror of a long gone scene rearing its ugly face, sending terror coursing through your veins. To add to your dismay, you couldn’t stop yourself from striking the petite scientist when she got too close. The illusion was abruptly torn away to reveal her bloody nose and hurt look in her eyes.

After this you tried your best to try to explain yourself through feverish tears, only to be stopped by her with her understanding gaze as she gently sat you down and made haste to administer a mild tranquilizer to ease your troubled mind.

~~

Danse: (he canonically has ptsd)

“Soldier? Sole look at me, I know what you’re going through. I’ve got you.”

Danse definitely isn’t the best at emotional thing, let alone comforting someone. However when he was laying beside your trembling form in your shared bed he knew he had to do something. He took it upon himself to roll you to face him, sighing as you adverted your red tearful eyes from meeting his gaze.

“I-..Danse, it was like I was there all over again.” You sniffled, gasping as he hummed whilst bringing you close into his chest.

“Y-you’re not anymore, no..you’re safe now. I..I wouldn’t let you be in that situation ever again.”

Although he knew well that words would never stop the traumatic nightmares much less absolve either of you from the burden, at least it calmed you.

~~

Deacon:

“Woah, sole it’s just me!”

Naturally Deacon reverted using humor when he saw the first signs of your distress. He was quick to realize the severity of the situation whenever you whipped your head back to look at him with terrified eyes and your hand quickly reaching for your gun.

Luckily you were able to snap yourself out of it before anything terrible became of the situation, but from there on Deacon knew to avoid certain places and worked especially hard on spending a few off days with you to give the rest your mind desperately needed.

~~

Gage:

“God damnit sole, get your head back about ya.”

He’d beat himself to hell and back over it once he realized what was really going on. But..when sole first displayed symptoms of an episode he teased them about it at first, the playfulness fading into annoyance when they refused to leave their home and get their “overboss duties” taken care of for the day.

It was when sole got angry enough to buck up to the raider that he understood exactly what was going on. Well, it was more or less the trembling and tense jaw that gave it away.

“I...I’m sorry.”

~~

Hancock:

“Don’t fret, I’ve gotcha sunshine.”

To be perfectly honest Hancock has seen all kinds of shit being mayor of Goodneighbor so seeing sole absolutely lose their shit at the sound of glass shattering wasn’t a particularly strange ordeal. He didn’t even think to directly link it to an underlying mental illness, no, that wasn’t at the forefront of his mind at the time. The first thing he did was tend to the symptoms of the blatant panic attack, popping a fresh inhaler of jet into his sunshine‘s mouth to calm them down.

Of course after they were calmed he gingerly approached the subject and once they revealed what caused the abrupt panic he gave a solemn smile and nodded in acknowledgement, pulling you into his arms for a loving hug.

~~

Macready:

“Take as much time as you need boss, the caps will still be out there for our taking later.”

He was pretty accustomed to people with ptsd, but seeing his dearest inflicted with him made his heart pang. Either way he understood that even if it wasn’t a flashback or something big, your sudden lack of motivation was also because of the illness. So despite his nature he just laid in bed beside you, occasionally getting up to get food and so, trying to take your mind off of whatever was preoccupying it.

~~

Maxson:

(Totally has ptsd as well)

“It doesn’t make it any better, I know, but I’m here for you.”

He’s grown to suspect every soldier in the brotherhood would eventually develop some form of a stress disorder but that still didn’t prepare him to see his precious sentinel in such disarray and fearful when he approached them overlooking the railing of the airship.

“Sole...” he started with a sigh, his fingers nervously twitching when you didn’t acknowledge his words. “Let’s go back inside.” Was all he could say, eventually just resorting to wrapping an arm around your waist and leading you to captain Cade’s office. That night he did his level best to provide you as much comfort as possible, fixing you both a glass of whiskey and snuggling into your side.

~~

Nick Valentine:

“Doll, if this is too close to home it’s alright.”

He should’ve known better than to bring you along a case, a case where a parent was trying to find their missing child. He just knew it wouldn’t be okay. His suspicions were confirmed as you started to feel in horror walking down a familiar path, unwanted thoughts progressively turning into complete flashbacks as Boston’s chilly air seemed to overtake you. Reminding you all over again of the cold tomb you awoke out of. Before you knew what was happening you were sitting on the cold cement curb of some ruined highway with nick close beside you, sharing a cigarette while gazing at the sky. That was the first and only case nick didn’t get to resolve with you since your partnership.

~~

Old Longfellow:

“Alright cap’n, calm down.”

He would of course been around long enough to see a whole rainbow of ptsd related symptoms. Seeing sole’s widened eyes and quickened breath at a seemingly harmless remark of a harbor person, he knew what was up. That being said he isn’t exactly a “let’s hug it out” kind of person so he instead settled for bringing his lover back to their cabin and pouring some drinks. He wouldn’t dare ask what caused that reaction but if sole was apt to speak he’d be happy to listen.

~~

Piper:

“Um blue..you know I don’t expect you to do all of this, right?”

It was quite the unusual symptom of ptsd but no matter what, even if you were sick you just couldn’t stop yourself from going the extra mile in absolutely everything you do for piper. That wasn’t a bad thing per se but..whenever you began to not even sleep more than four hours before waking and wanting go hound for more stories she knew something was terribly wrong.

It took a while to drag it out of you but once she took time to sit and you let the cat out of the bag she was horrified at first but slowly began to understand. So to attempt to remedy your illness she takes special care to remind you that it isn’t necessary to always be doing something for everyone. Self care is key.

~~

Preston:

“General, for once..the settlements can wait.”

He was well aware of your illness the very first time you displayed even a minor trait. So once the nightmares shook you into a hallucinating awareness he embraced you through your vicious yells and even your pained sobs. The next morning when you tried to pretend nothing happened he hugged you once more, taking your gun from your hands before shaking his head.

“Let’s take today off..”

~~

X6-88:

“Sole just breathe.”

Calm and collected was his m.o., no matter what. Be it his programming or just his core personality. That being said he truly did feel concern whenever he saw his normally equally calm love spiral down into a feverish frenzy of anger and confusion. However instead of wasting time he simply teleported back to the institute with you in (embarrassingly enough) literally in his arms, marched up to the doctor and demanded immediate assessment and treatment. Ranks be damned.

[risingsol]

Least there were a few benefits coming with the position of harbinger, resources being one of them. Paying for a good room to give his friend a better place for the night was only the beginning of his apologies for everything, really. ( It still felt like it wasn't enough, like he could never really make amends for this. )

It had been far too long of a day for how little sleep he had actually gotten lately.

Boots kicked off at the door, emptying his pockets by the nightstand- and without even thinking, he had already pulled out a small glass bottle, still nearly filled to the brim with pills. Kazuha was considering them, for the briefest of moments- and then he realized how that could look, snapped out of his thoughts and turned around to find Aether's gaze.

"This is nothing to concern yourself over- they're merely sleeping medication." Kazuha almost pretends that it is really nothing to worry about, leaving the pills on the nightstand. "The actual doctors in there prescribed this. I don't... really tend to use them, though." Unless it gets bad- but there was no need to say that out loud. It wasn't as if any doctor could force him to do anything anymore.

Kazuha shrugged off coat and gloves, taking a seat on one of the beds with a sigh. In the light of the room, the signs of exhaustion were painfully clear.

"... You still have more questions, right? I can tell." Anyone would, with this sort of circumstances. Kazuha was sure he knew what to expect... but not whether or not he was ready for it. "I doubt the answers will be pretty, you know... I don't know if you should hear that. Or if you'd really want to."

@rebelliousties

Although his questions were many and answers from the other were few and far in between, that sense of trust that he had with Kazuha wasn't one that was broken - especially not after the events that had transpired in the land of eternity months prior to today. To see the world in only black and white was denying the shades of grey that each person was. While the Fatui were cementing themselves as an organization that composed of several individuals who would chase over their goals with no regards for the consequences of others, the goals of individuals and perhaps even the ultimate leader never meant that each member necessarily aligned with those goals. Additionally, one thing that the Fatui did have was resources.

It was those resources that Kazuha had tapped into to buy them the privacy of a room, away from too curious eyes and ears against walls - apparently enough so for the other to perhaps even relax a little bit himself, though Kazuha's quick reaction to the kneejerk reaction of Aether's to the clink of glass against the nightstand fully told him that the lost ronin wasn't about to let his guard down completely. Listening to the hastily presented words from the other, a frown tugged at the corners of the traveler's mouth, unsaid words passing between the two of them in that moment. Another one of those questions that the ronin was asking about now, Aether taking the time to rid himself of his own boots and outside layers of clothing to join Kazuha in just settling down for the evening.

"You can't really expect me to not ask - even if the answers aren't pretty, right?" A tinge of weak humor echoed in his voice, even as the heaviness of Kazuha's voice weighed on him a little. Everything from the lack of actual lethal strikes in their earlier encounter, the look of sheer panic on Kazuha's face when a hood had fallen from his head, to the haste that the other had taken to try and flee were all spinning in his mind - all questions that he wanted to ask. Answers that weren't kind or something that stirred his faith in humanity were becoming increasingly common - and the truth was never guaranteed to be kind ever. The truth simply was.

So questions would start from the beginning.

"...what happened after you left? How did you... encounter the Fatui in this way?"

[robbiessutcliffe]

Friends // ILITW

A/N : So I finished my replay of It Lives In The Woods, and this idea ended up popping into my mind. It doesn't really fit into It Lives Beneath, canon-ically (not a word, but oh well), but I thought of it and had to write it! Though, I do have to say, the texting part in this fic isn't that great, but it's the only thing I could do to progress the story…

As always, please give any constructive criticism you have! I want to make my writing as good as possible!

Also, it's a really long post, but... I don't know how to put in a "keep reading" thing to make it seem shorter. I want to but, yeah, since I don't know how, I can't... If anyone could tell me, that'd be great!

Pairing : slight Noah x M!MC (Alexei), but it doesn't focus on that until more towards the end

Summary : After Alexei sacrificed himself to take Jane’s place, Noah felt that it was his fault. So a year later, he finds himself going back to the woods. This has been going on for a while, but one day… He's spotted.

Word Count : 3,385

Warnings : There are a few swear words throughout this. Other than that, I don't think there's anything else that warrants a warning, but if there's anything that you think should have a warning, just tell me so that I can write one up.

For the most part, Westchester was silent. The sun was falling slowly through the sky, dipping behind the horizon and painting the sky in brilliant shades of orange and red. As for the surroundings of the small town itself? The streets were mostly quiet, lights flickering off in houses. After what happened, nearly a year and a half ago, the town had an unspoken understanding.

Don't go outside after dark.

This rule, however, could be good in some cases. Particularly this instance, as Noah quietly slipped through the streets, heading on his usual route to the forest. Despite knowing that it was very unlikely that he'd be seen by anyone, he still walked in the shadows, ensuring that. Even in his past six months of doing this, he hadn't slipped up once. He knew what would happen if he was caught. He would be arrested, and Alexei’s existence would likely be revealed someway or another.

And he simply couldn't take that risk.

Skillfully, he was able to reach the road that followed the edge of the woods. After doing this at least once a week for the past six months, he could follow the route with his eyes closed and still not get caught.

There wasn't even a moment of hesitation before he stepped into the woods and started walking through the undergrowth, used to the noises echoing through the trees.

— stacy and connor —

The Green siblings were driving along the road, Connor behind the wheel, while Stacy was reading something on her phone. The silence between the two was comfortable, though there was a little bit of unspoken tension between them. That, however, could be blamed on the fact that they were driving along a road they both dreaded, for it reminded both of horrible things. Skeletal monsters, shadows that could consume, and the loss of people dear to them.

They definitely had reasons for hating that road, and the area in general.

Because of that tension, neither spoke. Both knew that even if they did try to speak, it would turn to the conversation that they'd had many times, of “I miss him.”

“So do I.”

“I wish it hasn't ended like that.”

“ That bastard who did it all could've at least turned himself in. What, did he have no heart?”

By the end of those conversations, both of the siblings were livid with thoughts of someone who they had once thought was a friend.

Stacy glanced up from her phone, away from where she was reading the research she had gathered for one of the videos she made for work. She only meant to see about how long they'd continue along this road. Despite herself, she found herself glancing ahead of them, to the forest right on the side of the road, where trees cast ominous looking shadows over the cement of the street.

And as she glanced, she could swear she caught sight of something — or, someone — up ahead. Her entire body stiffened as she saw the tall figure walking into the shadows of the trees. But not before she saw the beanie.

The beanie that she could recognize easily, because the one person she hated most always wore it, never one taking it off.

“Connor!” She hissed, slapping at his arm. He looked over at her, ready to ask her if something was wrong. But she quickly silenced him, motioning for him to look ahead. And when he did, it only took a second for him to see what she saw.

In unison, they spoke one name that neither had spoken for oh-so long.

“Noah.”

Quickly, Connor turned off the engine of his car, not wanting to alert Noah of their presence, even if he had already disappeared into the woods. Stacy, meanwhile, swiped quickly out of her notes app, instead opening her texts. There was already a group chat between her, Connor, and the entire group.

Fingers flying over her phone, she sent out a text in the chat.

—

Stacy : Noah’s back. Saw him at the edge of the woods, along the road. Meet in that spot asap.

Andy : what?!

Lily : No way!

Dan : Are you sure?

Stacy : One hundred percent.

Ava : well this isn't how I expected today to go.

Lucas : Along the road? I'll be there.

Andy : it's about time that i got to kick his ass.

—

It wasn't long before the entire group showed up, surrounding Connor’s car as they spoke in hurried, hushed tones. A couple times, one of them shot a glance over at the woods. None of them had imagined ever seeing Noah again, thinking that he'd just stay running, and never come back.

“Can't we just kick his ass? He deserves it,” Andy hissed angrily, glaring at the trees, as if he could simply sense the negative energy pouring out. And perhaps he could.

Lucas let out a frustrated sigh, “I wish, but he's a fugitive. We're going to have to turn him into the police somehow.” He said, though he didn't seem too happy at the thought of not serving justice himself. As far as he knew, Noah had murdered one of the people he cared most about, and tried killing the rest of them as well. To him, it was plenty logical to want to be something like a vigilante in this case.

“Trust me, Andy, I want to do that, too, but it's really not safe—” Connor started, but he cut himself off, when he saw his sister making her way to the woods. “Stacy?! What the hell are you doing?”

“I have some anger I need to get out. And a lot of it has been held against this person for eighteen months. I say it's long overdue for me to get it out.” Stacy replied in a determined tone, only just glancing back at the group before entering the first carefully.

After exchanging quick glances, the rest of the group followed, not saying even a word.

— noah —

Not long after entering the woods, Noah reached the small, darkened clearing that he had visited dozens of times. By this time, the sun was almost completely behind the horizon, which was perfect, considering the fact that Alexei couldn't come out with the sun shining.

Silently, he sat atop the old tree stump in the center of the clearing, preparing to stay there as long as needed. Sometimes, Alexei didn't show up, or it simply took him some time. So, Noah always made sure to wait at least an hour and a half before leaving.

As he sat there, his eyes slipped closed. He wasn't tired, which he could thank his insomnia for. But this clearing brought back memories. Not all were happy, he had to admit, but the people in them made him happy, which was a feeling he didn't often have the joy of experiencing anymore. He knew, however, that the entire group hated him now — how could they not? But he still loved them, and cared for them… Even if he hadn't showed it that day.

At one point, his memories seemed to becoming so vivid, that he could hear the voices of everyone echoing through the trees. Ava, Andy, Lucas, Stacy, Connor, Lily, Dan. He could hear all of them. He frowned a little bit, and forced his eyes open. It was simply something of a dream, he told himself. He would never see them again. There wasn't even a chance of that.

Or, that's what he tried telling himself, even as he continued to hear the voices carrying through the trees on the slight breeze. Voices were accompanied by leaves crackling, branches breaking…

His eyes widened slightly. He couldn't be imagining things like that! Quickly, he spun around on the little stump, just in time to see a familiar group stepping through the trees and emerging into the clearing. Upon seeing all of them, his eyes widened, throat drying up as he clenched his hand into fists. All of them looked absolutely furious…

And he didn't blame them.

To no one's surprise, Andy stepped forward first, snapping angrily as he looked upon Noah. “Got nothing to say for yourself, huh? That's understandable, considering you're looking at the group of people who you tried to kill. Did you really think you could saunter around our town and not be seen one day?”

Noah flinched, turning his eyes away. He hated hearing that tone in any of their voices, especially when it was directed at him. And yet, he stayed silent as the others all tried speaking over each other, to hurl insults of their own at him. But as he looked away, he noticed shadows starting to edge in from the trees, slowly starting to flood into the clearing.

“Guys, please,” He started desperately, looking at them with a slightly worried look in his eyes, “I know you're angry, but we really shouldn't do this here of all places.” He tried to warn them, but their voices drowned him out.

Connor was unable to hold back scoff, and all of the others had similar reactions, “And why the hell not? Might as well do it here. There's nothing stopping us!” The tall blond male said.

“You really shouldn't—” Noah was only cut off as Andy stepped forward again.

“You know what, I'm not holding back.” He growled as he started forward. Somehow, none of the group had noticed the shadows that were creeping forward. But when Andy was nearly within reach of Noah, the shadows all burst forward.

Vines lashed out from the surrounding trees, wrapping around the ankles and wrists of the entire group as the clearing seemed to darken all at once. Andy was held back, pulled against one of the trees as a figure of shadows seemed to appear out of nowhere.

— alexei —

Burning, fiery rage.

That's all that he felt when he saw someone stepping towards the only person who he knew. The only person that seemed to care. Noah. He remembered Noah, even though he barely remembered himself.

And those people. He felt like he should remember them. They seemed familiar to him, in some way. But that recognition was nothing compared to the anger he felt when he saw them going to hurt Noah. He couldn't let that happen. Noah was the only one who cared for him. If he lost Noah, he'd have nothing and no one. No one who remembered him. And no one who would try to help him remember.

He was barely aware of what he was doing because of the blinding rage. He had been cautious at first, approaching slowly, with curiosity. But as the short one of the group started advancing on Noah, a burning feeling spread through him. Red hot, and uncontrollable.

As the vines lashed out from the trees, he watched the people's expressions of horror, confusion, and fear. Appearing in front of Noah, his jaw seemed to stretch open, as strangled-sounding words ripped through him.

“STAY.”

“AWAY.”

Part of him almost hurt when he saw the expressions of fear on the faces of the others, but he couldn't stop the anger he felt. Until he heard a soft, whispered voice.

“Alexei, please… Don't do anything to them. You know them.”

Quizzically, he turned to Noah, shadowy limbs dropping to his side as his head cocked to the side, like a confused puppy. Looking away from the group and looking at Noah, he seemed to calm immediately. The anger melted away into confusion, the red light in his eyes dimming to a soft gray.

“But… hurt you…” He said, voice confused and shaky. He didn't understand. Noah wanted to protect him, but he didn't want protection in return?

Noah shook his head softly, stepping forward as he looked up at the shadow creature who now held the soul of the person he loved most. “Let them ago, Alexei. Don't be mad at them. I deserve whatever they want to do to me.”

His eyes flicked over to the group, cautious of them. Normally he loved to see people, but people who seemed to want to hurt his only friend? Of course he was careful of them. But he couldn't ignore Noah's words. So, he dismissed the vines, watching as they slithered back into the woods.

— the others —

As Noah whispered to the shadow creature in front of them, the vines slowly unwrapped themselves from the wrists and ankles of the group. Andy fell from where he was being held against the tree, and Dan quickly went to his side to make sure he was okay. But all of the others were focused only on the pair in front of them.

“Noah…” Lily started, voice shaking, “Why— Why are you talking to that thing like that?” She asked in a whispered tone. Mostly because she had already figured it out, but didn't want to admit it. All of them had. For a year and a half, they had all thought that Alexei was dead, and the spirit of Redfield was completely gone… But all this time, they were here.

He looked over at the group, meeting their shocked gazes with a frown. He quickly glanced away, as he murmured, “He's… been here all along. He sacrificed himself so that I couldn't. And now… he's in Jane's place.” He explained, looking up at Alexei, who was still focused on the group with a confused expression. After explaining that to them, he spoke to Alexei, looking slightly expectant, “ Do you remember them?”

It took a long moment of silence, as everyone waited to hear the answer, before his eyes slowly turned a smoky blue, with a slight sense of recognition. “Friends?” He asked, slightly cautiously as he looked back at Noah, who nodded softly. Alexei stayed silent for a long moment, before shaking his head in confusion, “Friends… don't hurt friends.”

A small, but clearly forced smile pulled at the corners of Noah's lips as he shook his head, “No, they don't. But I'm not their friend anymore.”

Alexei looked between Noah and the rest of the group, before shaking his head, “Not friends then.” He claimed, as if the rest of the group wasn't standing right there. He didn't understand that maybe words like that could hurt people. Because, then again, he hasn't had much contact with people other than Noah's sarcasm for the past eighteen months.

But the hurt among some of the group was clear on some of their faces upon hearing those words. Stacy frowned, not wanting to think that Alexei would, for some reason, choose to say that Noah was his friend, compared to them. “Noah, did you not tell him everything that happened? Everything that you did?”

Noah frowned, looking at her with slight annoyance in his expression, “Of course I told him. It's one of the first things I did after finding him.” He looked over at Alexei again, a loving smile replacing the frown. The spirit boy looked so confused by this exchange, even though he knew exactly what Noah had done. And yet, he still seemed to love him…  Which was more than he deserved, in his own opinion.

“Noah said sorry, so it's all okay!” Alexei quipped, floating up to drift beside the beanie-headed boy. His eyes filled with a blue light, that simply reminded people of happiness. Floating carelessly around Noah, the shadows that made up his body hovering through the air, he rested his hands on Noah's shoulders and rested his chin atop his head, something similar to a happy expression on his face, despite the fact that he did not, technically, have a face.

“It's all okay, just because he said sorry?” Ava started, obviously not happy at that statement. But she took a deep breath and cut herself off, glancing around at the trees carefully. She didn't want to take any chances.

Alexei thought for a moment, before gently shaking his head, “No. Not okay.” He mumbled, but quickly nuzzled into Noah's beanie, as if worried that he'd upset him, “But he's a friend. And friends forgive.”

Lily looked at the outside before her, eyes focused mainly on Noah. For so long, she always felt angry with him, for everything. But in a weird way, she could understand it. “You're right, Alexei. Friends do forgive,” She murmured, with a soft smile.

Immediately brightening upon hearing that, Alexei nodded hurriedly,  “Friends!” He exclaimed, in a shrill, sing-song voice.

It was clear that a few of them still had problems with Noah. Of course, that was understandable…  But the group stayed there throughout most of the night, listening to his explanation of how he found Alexei. Most of them were upset about the fact that he had kept it hidden for so long, but for the most part, they were just happy to see the friend they thought they lost.

Yes, perhaps he was now a much more childish and slightly immature shadow-version of himself, but, for the most part, he was still the same person.

Or, something similar to a person, at least.

They all stayed there for a few hours, deciding that, now that they knew, Noah wouldn't be the only one visiting anymore. Of course, Alexei was overjoyed at the prospect of getting his friends back, even though he didn't quite remember them.

As they were all gathering up to leave, Noah found himself staying in the clearing. He had nowhere to go anyways, so he could stay for a while longer, he decided. Alexei, however, was loitering at the edge of the woods, trying to look for flowers or something of the sort.

But, when he noticed that Noah was still around, he floated back over, looking cheerful, “Noah's staying?” He chirped, tilting his head.

Noah smiled softly, and nodded, “I'm staying, for a little bit.” He commented, before looking up at him, “How do you feel?” He asked.

There were a few moments of silence as Alexei thought of an answer. But after those few seconds of thought, a voice came through, that sounded the most like the Alexei that he remembered. That voice that he hasn't really heard for a long time. “They're…  friends. But they don't understand.”

Confused, Noah tilted his head, “What don't they understand?”

“You had to.” He said softly, nuzzling against Noah's shoulder, “You…  don't deserve blame. You had to.”

His breath caught in his throat a little at those words, because he couldn't believe that he had said them. And if there was one thing about Alexei that everyone knew to be true, it was that he only said things that he believed. Gently, he shook his head, but gave a soft smile. Not wanting to truly argue, he simply replied, “If you say so, Alexei.”

For a long time after, they continued to talk. Well, Noah did most of the talking, but Alexei contributed when he wanted to. But finally, late into the night, Noah knew that he had to leave.

The dim gray shade of Alexei's eyes made it clear that he was pouting, but he didn't argue. Even as a shadow monster, he still wanted Noah to take care of himself. As the (human) male started to stand, Alexei quickly drifted up to eye level with him as his voice drifted out, “Promise you'll always come?”

Noah rose an eyebrow slightly, nodding, “Of course, Alexei. Why would I ever stop coming here to see you?”

“Because of the other friends?”

Smiling, Noah shook his head, “Of course not. I obviously don't see eye to eye with them…  But I'd never abandon you. You were determined not to abandon me then, and now it's my turn to return the favour.”

Alexei nodded happily, eyes lighting up with glee at the promise. Quickly, he checked against Noah's cheek, the most like a kiss that he could manage, before mostly disappearing into the shadows of the trees. Noah rolled his eyes a little bit as he watched him go, but he couldn't keep the fond and amused smile off of his face. After Alexei had completely disappeared into the shadows, he set off as well, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders after that night.

[pbandjesse]

I can't believe that I was in New Jersey with James yesterday. It feels like it was a week ago. I'm laying in another hotel room but by myself this time. I'm exhausted. And while it's only 9 here it is midnight back home. And I've been awake since 4:30 this morning. So I'm really going to try to go to sleep soon.

I went to bed at like 8:30 last night. Or at least soon after 8:30. I was certain this morning was going to be terrible. But going to bed so early actually help me out and when my alarm went off I felt fine. I got up and got dressed. I texted James. I fed sweet pea and made sure all the dishes were put away. I took the recycling out. And then James was there. I said goodbye to Sweet Pea. And we headed to the airport.

James and not going to bed at all. He had gone straight from our trip to home to eat and then right to work. They had some Ghost Hunters on board constellation. And they interviewed him with my ghost story from sting I saw on the birth stack. So that's pretty cool. But he was kind of exhausted. He felt okay enough Drive but I really don't like when people drive when they're tired. But I was still very grateful and thankful for him taking me to the airport so early in the morning.

We got there about 5:30. In line for TSA was surprisingly long. But I made it through. I had to get patted down because my jumper had a knot on the side of it that's at the machine off. But then I texted James that we were all good and he went home to go to sleep.

I looked out that the McDonald's is right across from my gate. So I got breakfast and tried not to get a nervous stomach. I had until 6:45 when we were boring. I ran to the bathroom and wash my hands and tried to mentally prepare myself for a 6-hour flight. It's the longest flight I've ever taken. So I was a little bit nervous. And like the TSA is fine and the actual flying is fine. The worst part of felt air travel to me is the few minutes between first boarding and waiting to get in your seat. For some reason that makes me so stressed out. I just want to be in lazy and sitting down with my headphones in and not thinking about anything.

But I got on the plane and my seat was great. Right over the wing-like I like. It's still see the ground but if I didn't want to see the girl I didn't have to go. I had to endure this. The girl next to me was incredibly fidgety but then when they close the door there was an open seat near her family so she moved. So I had an open seat next to me. The ideal way to fly.

And it was a really good fight. It took us a little bit over half an hour to actually get off the ground. But we make great time. I texted everyone that I love them just in case. And then kind of half those. I have snack. Arrested. I don't think I ever actually fell asleep. I started multiple different podcasts. I couldn't focus on one so it was hard. Actually don't even remember what I ended up listening to. Oh it was a lifetime podcast because it was 4 hours long and I thought that would be my best bet. But I was barely listening.

I played a game on my phone for a lot of the time and look at the window when I could. The sun was on my side of most the entire time so it was reflecting off the wing pretty badly. But I got to see mountains in the desert. It was just really cool.

I was really happy to not be in the plane anymore though. Home time it was 2 pm. In California it was 11 a.m. Well actually it was about 10:45 when we landed and my driver who was scheduled for an app all of a sudden was coming a half an hour early. Because my plane landed 15 minutes early. It was very confusing. Especially because wall we landed we didn't get off the plane for almost 15 minutes. So then I was very stressed out. And that went to me ending up leaving at the wrong terminal. And then my poor driver had to try to find me. He was a really sweet guy though. You're younger than me. We talked for the entire 40 minute drive from Los Angeles to Thousand Oaks. He's a nice guy. And it was nice being able to talk to someone for that long about paranormal stuff and other nonsense.

I was really happy to be a busy Hotel though I was starving and gross. Find that long was hard. My flight back is not that bad. I got to stop over with an hour break in the middle. But I checked in and they were very apologetic because they were all out of king size beds and so they had to give me to Queens. I'm one person. Why do I need to Queens. But that's fine. Maybe I'll sleep in that bed tomorrow. Get use out of both of them.

Once again packed I headed out again. I caught a car and I headed up to a local barbecue place. It was like $3.50 left. I have never ever experienced a car ride that cheap. And it would be the only lift I took today. Because I decided to walk everywhere.

I ate so much food. I got a burger and fries and salad and bread. And I saved some of the bread. Hey I didn't eat everything. But I felt much better. And then I left there and walked over to the Antique store. I picked up barbecue place because it was in the same shopping center as the antique store I went to the last time I was here in 2017. And it was just as good. I ended up getting a stone bracelet that is locally found courts. But mostly had a good time just kind of taking pictures of my clock Furby I brought, Otto, and looking around. It was nice.

I went to a couple other shops in that shopping center. Including the other antique store. And then I decided to walk. For a really long time. Almost 2 miles. I was specifically looking for an antique store thing. It turned out to be more of a consignment shop when I finally did find it. But before that I found some really cool shops and adorable Bakery. Where I bought the prettiest little cheesecake. Which I saved until about an hour ago. I was shocked that it survived my backpack all day. But it was still really really good.

I found a tiny Goodwill bookstore and I got a milkshake. I enjoy being outside. I saw a cactus . Just growing on the side of the road. And the weather was beautiful. And I'm just having a great time. I was tired but walking was nice. Ended up finding these like Spiral shells and the dirt. So I can collect a bunch of those as I was walking. And then listen to the Adventure Zone podcast and enjoy the weather. Because it was beautiful outside. I'm a little sad that I'm going to be missing 7 in of snow in Baltimore tomorrow. But they did preemptively close the schools so I'm not missing as much work as originally thought. And I am a little sad that I'm alone out here. Like I like my own company don't get me wrong. But I miss James. Or Jess. This trip would have been nice to have with someone else. But it's okay. I'm still having a really nice time.

I started my truck back to the hotel. I stopped at this little Park where they change the kind of cement runoff River into a more natural environment. And I sat and watched the nature for a while. I saw a little bunny. But then I was starting to get cold. In my headphones were dying. I plug those in for a while in my backpack and walked around. Just enjoyed looking at the mountains and feeling the Sun.

I got about a half mile away from the hotel and I had to take a break. I sat down on the side of the road. It was a safe spot. And I just kind of played on my phone for a few minutes. This usually brought or not my normal travel shoes. I accidentally sent those back home to my parents house and so I kind of had to make a game-day decision and we're untested she is. And I got a little blister on my heel and on the side of my foot. So I'm a little frustrated about that. But it's okay.

I made it back to the hotel in one piece. Tired and sore. But one piece. I cleaned up and just kind of laid down for a while. I didn't actually fall asleep but it was nice being horizontal. Eventually I got up and went down to the bar to grab a fork for my cheesecake. I was going to get a soda too but I decided I really should not have any caffeine. And I should just get some sleep. But it took I really nice bath. I do the face mask. And now I'm just in bed. I think I'm going to do some yoga try to stretch it out a little bit. And then I'm going to try to get some sleep.

Tomorrow is the big day. My plan is to wake up early and have breakfast at the restaurant here at the hotel. Then I would like to go up to the closest state park. And walk around a bit. Then at 11 I have to head up to the campus to do the talk thing that I'm here for. That's until about 1 and then I'm going to take a car and go to the art museum. I was originally going to do that today but then I remembered the reason I had set the schedule to do the art museum tomorrow is because it's closed on Tuesdays. That's fine. I had a great day with what I ended up doing.

I'm excited to see the art museum and then there's a Goodwill up there as well. And just kind of them all. So I'm going to just kind of wander around and enjoy myself. I may be having dinner with someone from vibrant lives so that would be cool. But that's really my whole plan for tomorrow. Just kind of enjoy the nice weather before I go back to very cold Baltimore. I'm praying now I think I'm just going to get some stretching in and then some sleep.

I hope you're all having a great night. I know this post is later than normal because of the time difference. But I hope you're all well. Sleep well everyone be safe.