#estrella's show and tell

[blackmambaboobs]

Dressing up as my clown persona, Sprinkles and going out today since this is my destiny- 

[horrorartsworld]

Clingy ass Valentino…HEAR ME OUT PEOPLE!PUT THE PITCHFORKS AWAY!

He just adores his little pornstar so much,he buys her whatever she wants.her dressing room might be more expensive than an art museum

New nails? Done.Wanna get your hair done? He’s already given them his card

She just gets so used to being spoiled that she’ll start to get bratty when he won’t get something,and then that leads to a brat being out in her place…(IF YOU KNOW WHERE IM GOING)

I LIVE FOR THESE KIND OF ASKS!! EATING THIS SHIT UP FOR BREAKFAST HONEY 🤭🤭 Also can you tell I have fun writing for Valentino…it’s DISGUSTING

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺

spoiled rotten

clingy valentino/spoiled pornstar f!reader

warnings: smut obviously, HEAVY brat taming, oral (m receiving), rough dom!valentino, brat!reader, unprotected p in v, spanking, grinding, face fucking, orgasm denial, creampie, pet names, daddy kink, lots of dirty talk cause when doesn’t val talk dirty lol, soft valentino??? at the end

A low strum of a knock is heard against the door of your dressing room where Valentino now stood with it all the way open. “Doll?” His voice following shortly after, sounding a bit tired though it still had the alluring presence that was always intoxicating.

Huffing, you see his tall stature from the reflection of your large vanity mirror, ducking his head as he came through the doorway not bothering to wait for some kind of gesture from you to come in.

Red eyes immediately catching the new things you’ve bought probably in the last week or days even.

Various articles of clothing with high price tags still on them strung and obviously thrown onto a big luxurious pink sofa that sat on one end of the room, an assortment of shoes adorning the other with plentiful shelving space to display most of them, and lets not forget the jewels that you had laid out like magazines on your coffee table that were so sparkly they hurt when he glimpsed at them.

All of it was making Val very overwhelmed and most importantly uneasy. It was like you were gonna run him dry of all his hard earned porn money, seeing you spend it all so carelessly only to buy pointless things that you think is cutesy or fun in the moment, but that feeling would always subside when the girl he adorned more then himself would give him the time of day….and of course you knew this all too well once you became spoiled.

Taking advantage of it when you could to get the things you want, wearing tight little mini skirts that would show your panties when you bent over or putting on your big doe eyes when he was being even a bit hesitant with your request. It was always the best too when you’d catch him in a big meeting, your delicate figure sauntering into his office letting his colleagues gawk at you in the new outfit you’d bought that showed just about every inch of your assets, causing Valentino to almost loose his shit seeing them look at you and he then has to deal with you quickly, shooing you off with his card in your hands to get whatever your little heart desires.

Which is the exact reason why your hair and nails were always done at almost every shoot, making some of the other girls quite jealous of you seeing the princess treatment you got from Val that they very much lacked, but who were you to care? You the porn studios sweet little prized possession and nobody could change that.

“What do you want?” You hiss annoyed while applying mascara to your long lashes, taking your gaze away from the tall moth man as he approached you, large hands resting on your shoulders, giving a small kiss to the top of your head.

“I just wanted to check in before your shoot..make sure everything’s okay with my favorite little estrella,” He rests his chin on the top of your head, his chest rumbling with a low purr as he spoke watching you so prettily apply your makeup in the mirror. “Well the shoot is just gonna have to wait tonight, i’m going to a party at the club,” You say nonchalantly as if nothing could persuade you not to go.

Val raises an invisible eyebrow at you. “Party? Oh no baby you gotta be here, the men banking on this is gonna pay us millions to distribute it..” He pauses for a moment standing up straight to take out his box of cigarettes before continuing, “…besides we both know your closet would struggle if you missed out on this kind of opportunity..”

Gawking at him in the reflection you couldn’t believe the insult he just threw at you, making you act dramatically by throwing your chair back letting it clatter to the floor as you turned to face him. “Listen here Valentino..This industry would be nothing without me and this cunt between my legs, now if i want to go to a party i’m going to go to that fucking party! Whether some perverted pricks like it or not, they can reschedule for all i give a fuck!!” You spat then stomping away from him till you were on the other side of the room where you flipped through different pairs of bottoms on a rack, not believing how unfair he was being towards you when you’ve worked so hard to get where you’re at. The scent of his now lit cigarette clouding the air made you feel like you couldn’t breathe, a low tsk is heard from behind you till that feeling of your breath slipping from your airways got more prominent until you were tugged back making you fall onto your ass.

“Don’t forget who owns you..” He snarled, the coolness of the metal collar that had suddenly appeared around your neck reminded you of the soul contract he had over you, the feeling leaving a bad taste in your mouth, along with the vice grip he had on the end of the chain that he just pulled to make you fall.

“Matter of fact turn around for me..”

“Valentino..i-i didn’t mean-“ You try to apologize, but you were cut off by another tug on the chain, this time more harder than the last making you choke.

“I said turn around now.”

You quickly turn around, resting on the backs of your heels on your knees, looking up at the moth man with a gaze akin to that of a deer all while he towered over you. To your dismay your look of innocence only turned him on more, letting go of the chain that held you till it dissipates in mid air and the coolness of the collar is gone, wasting no time as he undos the large heart buckle sat at his midsection and pulls down his white dress pants till they’re pooling at his ankles. He was already so hard that when his cock sprang free your eyes immediately met his leaky tip that was a deep purple from its usual color, he then takes it in one of his hands and taps it against your lips. The pre smearing into your freshly applied lipstick.

“Open princess..” Val cooed through gritted teeth, the end of his cigarette wiggling in his mouth while he spoke.

You start shivering when you feel his claws racking against your scalp, too caught up in what was happening Valentino presses the back of your head down on his cock forcing the tip to push past your lips, taking him in your mouth fully without a moment to adjust and it immediately hits the back of your throat earning a soft gag from you and a low chuckle from Val. Once you catch your bearings from the unexpected sensation, you began to bob your head like the pornstar you were, sucking and licking like you were starved.

“Mmm..that’s my good girl..daddy’s good girl huh…” He hums out a gruff moan, a hand snaking its way down to caress your cheek that was full. Your eyes flutter up at him catching him in such a sinfully good angle that made you whine against his cock, cigarette barley hanging from his lips, the buttons on his shirt opened showing off his rather lean built body, muscles flexing and the white fur around his neck fluffing up when you used you flicked your tongue against a vein in a certain way getting him closer to his already building orgasm. “Taking it so good aren’t you baby? It's okay, hhpmh..you don't gotta talk with your mouth full, I know you fucking love worshipping daddy’s cock..”

The tears start pouring down your face, ruining your mascara in the process as his words along with the filthy sounds of you sucking him off made your cunt throb with an unbearable need. You scoot closer in attempt to grind against his leg, whimpering when the heat from his body, combined with the friction from his leg and the fabric of your panties rubbed deliciously against your sensitive clit.

"M gonna cum doll..Swallow for me yeah? Every last drop, do you fucking hear me?” Valentino growled suddenly his frustrations over taking him, putting out his cigarette(finally) as he fisted your hair proceeding to take control completely, bucking his hips relentlessly into your mouth as he face fucked you. Drool leaking down your chin as you tried to continue your grinding against his leg trying to match his speed until he came down your throat. Pulling you off his dick with a little pop to let you swallow, Valentino lightly tapping your chin, letting red smoke spill from his mouth as he leaned down to your level. "Atta girl…lemme see."

Seeing that you obediently swallowed his seed, he roughly yanked you from your position on his leg, eyes disapprovingly glaring down at you from behind his sunglasses. “You think you can get off on my leg without permission?” He scolds like an owner to its pet. “If you’re gonna cum cariño, it’s gonna be with you squirming on my dick.”

“B-but..” You sniffle, only to be silenced by Valentino with just a finger signaling you to. He then throws you on the couch not caring about the high end clothes still on it, crawling onto of you shortly after.

“Shhh not another word,” He shushes you, leaving kisses down your neck feverishly, while his hands worked at pulling down your skirt and panties in one quick motion. Slamming into you before you could even mutter out a protest like the brat you’ve grown to be. One of his hands reaching above you to hold onto the arm of the couch as he fucked into you with a dizzying rhythm, pounding relentlessly into your cunt just like he did to your mouth. “Fuck princessa, I should just let them record us…Millions of sinners seeing you get your brains fucked out by the man who really owns you…owns this pussy..”

“Y-you own this pussy daddy…” You babble out, whimpering when he hit that particular spot that drove you crazy to the point your clit swelled.

A primal instinct ignited in Val when he heard you say that, making his thrusts stutter for a minute until he started fucking you like an animal once more. “Say that again baby..”

You were too focused on the pleasure that you didn’t hear him, earning a good smack to the side of your ass snapping you out of it with a pitiful whine.

“Tell me who owns this pussy..” He husked in your ear for another time.

“Mm daddy does..” Valentino could tell just by your voice and the way your cunt was sucking him in that you were getting close, and it only excited the man more for what he deviously had planned. Pulling you closer to your orgasm by adding hand to rub circles at your soaked clit. “Yeah he fucking does..”

You let out a meek moan at his prideful exclamation and the overwhelming feeling of pleasure that was coursing through you. You should’ve known better that this would’ve been the outcome of your little tantrum from earlier, but secretly you loved the punishment. Being used like a fuck doll for Valentino to use. Your mind going dumb on the thought causing your cunt to clench with your needed climax, a pout forming on your messy lips.

“G-gonna cum, please Val!” You practically begged feeling your tears come up again.

"Not until l've had mine, princessa." He huffed breathlessly, burying himself deep inside you with one finally thrust, wings fanning out and fluttering while he spilt his cum all inside you.

The feeling of being filled made you desperately want your own climax so much more, but he quickly pulled out of you, killing that mood within an instant, leaving your legs shaking and your lower stomach aching for release.

"I changed my mind," Valentino said with a smirk, but there was a hint of admiration dotting his red eyes. "I think you don't get to cum today. Not even at work i’m rescheduling the shoot for another day since you decided to show your ass.”

He began to clean himself up, picking up his pants from the other side of the room and slipping them back on. You wanted to pout again, especially because he was basically back to being so unfair, but you knew better to not otherwise that would result in another denial of your orgasm. Once he was back to his normal overly sensual self, he turned to you, red eyes having a more stone cold look in them with his lip curled seeing you still shaking on the couch. You had been rid of your panties and mini skirt, leaving you just in a skimpy little top that was jostled around by Val with one of your tits hanging out of it. Makeup smudged and battered, along with the consistent drip of Vals juices and your arousal from your used hole falling onto a unworn dress that was nestled under your bum.

"Now what do you remember from today?" He asked one set of hands on his hips as the others were crossed over his chest.

The way Val stood over you so authoritatively made your core throb once more, but you tried to push it to the side as you gathered what ever thoughts you had of the lesson he seemed to try to teach you just now.

"I need to remember my place and not talk back," You mumbled quietly.

"And?" Valentino added quizzically raising his chin to tell you to proceed.

"To listen to you." A smile pulling up at the corner of your lip as you knew he was fucking with you now.

"Good girl…Also, you might want to get that dry cleaned cariño," He gestured to the dress underneath you making you look frantically till you saw it.

“Oh whatever!” You say rolling your eyes playfully giggling at him.

[matchaverse]

obsessed | LS2

pairing: logan sergeant x fem! motoGP driver/kimi räikkönens’ child.

summary: logan becomes so infatuated with Räilkönens’ child some would say he’s obsessed.

type: social media AU

no face claim

[instagram] yourusername:

-liked by logansargeant, sebastianvettel, and 567,893 others

~tagged/ @kimiraikkonen

yourusername | when your dad shows up to Gran Premio Estrella after the race because you ignored his calls.

username: kimi is so unintentionally funny 

sebastianvettel: mans was stressing on the plane ride over

yourusername: NO CLUE WHY! IM FINE

username: says the person who FLEW AND FLIPPED off their bike.

username: to have a father like kimi 😫

logansargeant: i would also fly out to check on you

username: logan??

usernam: ayo??

oscarpiastri: bro is not beating the allegations.

charlesleclerc: glad you’re okay!!

liked by author

[instagram] yourusername:

liked by logansargeant, charleslecler, and 836,628 others

yourusername | DNF last race but first this race!

username: congratulation!! you did so good!

yourusername: thank you!! ❤️

username: y/n is so talent, they totally deserved this win

username: the racing gene kimi gave them is insane

logansargeant: what a race! congratulations!!

yourusername: ahh thanks logie bear!

username: logie bear?!

username: is something happening between yall??

oscarpiastri: now you both aren’t beating the allegations

logansargeant: what allegations?

username: yall see logan’s story?? HE WAS THERE!

[instagram] logansargeant

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 273,748 others

logansargeant | march dump 🦅

username: soft launch??

username: is that y/n?!

username: no way, y/n doesn’t have red hair

username: maybe they dyed it??

yourusername: you’re so american 🦅

logansargeant: because i am??

yourusername: WTF IS A KILOMETER!!

username: we’re you two together??

oscarpiastri: 🫥

[instagram] yourusename

liked by logansargeant, sebastianvettel, and 837,628 others

yourusername | so i went red (white and blue)

username: omg??? you look so pretty!!

liked by arthur

username: oh so you both soft launching!!

username: more like hardcore launching!

username: no for real!!

username: wait but the flowers!!

username: please tell me it’s logan!!

username: it has to be!! i mean look at the caption!

logansargeant: woah 😫

yourusername: 🤭🤭

username: now this confirms my suspicions

logansargeant posted a story:

caption: dreams do come true 🥲

replies:

oscarpiastri: told you you were smitten.

logansargeant: kys ❤️

yourusername: i love you

logansargeant: i love you MORE!

[instagram] yourusername

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, and 873,628 others

tagged | @logansargeant

yourusername | from an american boy to my american boy ❤️

logansargeant: i love you so much!

yourusername: i love you more!

oscarpiastri: gross (so happy you two are together)

username: omg!!!

username: ahhhh!! yall are so cute!!

username: couple goals

liked by arthur

username: logan wins in life

loganargeant: MY PARTNER MY PARTNER!! 😫

[leah-lover]

Two hearts, one timeline. Alexia putellas x reader

An age gap romance. Part 2

“ We are delighted to introduce you to this young star. She is a 2 time world cup champion, the youngest ever to achieve that. A 2 time NWSL winner. A final’s MVP and just overall an inspiration. Welcome to the show.” said the reporter next to you. The studio was quiet and all you could hear was your heart beating in your ears. This wasn't the first time you were on TV but you were uncertain about the way the news you were about to deliver is gonna be perceived.

“ Thank you for having me.” you respond with a smile on your face.

“ After your recent NWSL win you were the talk of the sports world. Everybody is interested in whether you are gonna resign with your club or not. What do you say to those questions?”

“ Well I am sad to say that I will not resign with Seattle but very excited to say that a team I have been dreaming of joining has reached out to sign me. I have signed a 4 year contract with FC barcelona.”

“ Oh my god, that's exciting. Tell us how you feel at the moment.”

“ Well, I am very excited,but sad to say goodbye to my family in the states and at seattle. I think this challenge is gonna help me develop as a footballer and learn new styles.”

“ Well, we wish you good luck.”

“ Thank you.”

You exit the studio and the weight of the secret drops from your shoulder. You were gonna leave your home for a more competitive team and a shot at the chapion’s league.

Your move to Barcelona was smooth. You celebrated your run at your old club with the girls, took your flight the next day and landed in sunny Barcelona, the weather was as great as they all said. You then went directly to your new apartment. The time zone change weighed heavily on your body so you took a shower immediately, put your sheets in your new bed and laid down as soon as you could. You then opened your phone only for it to freeze due tha new messages and followers you received. You could see all the comments and messages your new teammates wrote on your post congratulating you on the signing and wishing well for you. This made you excited for your first day tomorrow.

When you woke up the next day you were nervous to say the least. You got ready, called a taxi and headed to the facility. You first got a tour of the facility which was empty because it was early. You met as much staff as you could, did your fitness and health test, a photoshoot, and shot some content. By the time you were done your teammates were done training too. You were ushered by the assistant coach to go to the field and meet everybody.

Your heart was beating like a drum. You were standing next to alexia putellas, aitana bonmati, lucy bronze, and mapi leon. Those people are more experienced and have more accolades than you.

“ Everybody please welcome our new signing from the US.” said your coach which caused all of them to start cheering.

“Hola a todos. Estoy emocionado de ser parte de este equipo, compartir el campo con todos ustedes y ganar algunos trofeos con ustedes.”

“Joder, hablas español y tus estadísticas son buenas, nos llevaremos muy bien.“ said patri putting her arm on your shoulder and guiding you inside.

“Si ella hablara catalán habríamos sido mejores amigas.” said aitana sarcastically.

The rest of the day went on great, you had lunch with the girls, you laughed with them, and exchanged stories. They welcomed you very well.

“ for a young girl you really carry yourself well.” said lucy

“ I had to grow up quickly.” you respond to her.

Your first month at Barcelona was amazing. You got on with the girls really well, training was going well, you had your first start within 2 weeks of your arrival and the fans were really happy with you after your first hattrick in the last match.

“Necesitamos celebrar tu primer mes exitoso con nosotros estrella.” said mapi while you were recovering in the gym. Estrella was the Spanish translation of the nickname the fans gave you when you were getting famous, which was stargirl. That nickname was used by everybody you knew, even the press. But from them it sounded different.

“ Yeah sure, just text me the details.” You responded.

You then went home, showered, and rested. You then got a message from the group chat.“ La terrazza. 8:00.”

Since they went there to celebrate you, you decided to show up and show out. You decided on a black maxi dress, heels, gold accessories, and a red lip.

You drove to the club and got there at 8 sharp. You went inside, and headed straight to the bar to order a drink. The girls started coming little by little, and by a few hours you were all jammed up dancing in the middle of the dance floor. However, your captain didn't join you; she instead opted to watch from the bar.

Alexia has been quiet and reserved around you. Maybe she didn't like you or maybe she was just a quiet person, you never really thought about it before.

“chicas voy a ir al baño.” You yell so that you can be heard over the loud music and exit the dance floor.

Surprisingly the bathroom was empty. You got your business done and went over to the mirror to fix your makeup.

“Parece que te lo estás pasando bien aquí en Barcelona..” said a voice from behind you which took you a minute to realize it was Alexia 's.

“ Capitana I am too drunk for Spanish right now.” You respond still facing the mirror

“ You look good. I mean happy in Barcelona.” She said nervously.

“ Well that's because of you and your friends out there. Actually it was more your friends than you since you hate me.” You respond l, alcohol making you braver than you usually are.

“ I could never hate you. I just can't control myself around you.” She says half whispering. “tengo que ir.” She added before she exited the bathroom.

“ This is definitely something I need to visit tomorrow when I am sober.” You say to yourself before joining the girls again. You were told that Alexia left which caused you to have more questions but you didn't give it much thought. You partied more with the girls before leaving.

Your head was pounding the next morning but you couldn't remember anything, only that you had a great time.

The following weeks were nothing short of spectacular. You were training well, winning every game, scoring every game, and you really built a community with the girls. But Alexia was giving you more space than usual which you couldn't understand why.

Jonathan could see that Alexia was cornering herself away from you so he decided to pair you with each other on everything under the excuse of her giving you more experience since she was older than you. She didn't talk when she was near you, she barely even touched you. This caused commotion in your brain. You lost sleep over why she despised you so much.

One day you had enough of the questions in your brain so you waited in the locker room knowing that she wouldn't come to it to avoid you. You stayed there af-ter all the girls left. After a while alexia entered the locker room

“ Have I ever done anything to offend you?” you ask as soon as you see her figure.

“ Mierda, me asustaste, pensé que no había nadie aquí.” she said taking a few steps back

“ capitana please just give a straight answer. What have I ever done to you?.”

“ We talked about this and my answer was nothing, the problem is in me.”

“ when did we talk about this i don't remember anything.”

“ that night at the party now will you please leave so that i can change and go home i am really tired.”

“ Alexia, this is eating away at me. All I want is for us to be friends or just teammates. Tell me what I did so that we can get past it.”

“ You did nothing, just get over it. You have plenty of friends.”

“No puc fer això ara mateix, és massa jove i hauria de proteger-la de mi” she whispers in catalan and leave without looking at you.

You didn't understand catalan but it was close to Spanish which you were fluent in so when you heard her words you could remember them easily. After she left you reached for your phone and translated her words. “ I can't do this right now. He is too young and should protect her from me.”

Alexia’s words shocked you. You felt dizzy and couldn't focus. You never realized that alexia could have anything for you except hate. You loved her and admired her for the player and person she is. You looked up to her kind heart and intelligent brain. But no matter what you thought about it you needed her approval, her attention, and her focus to be on you as much as you were on her. That's why her distance from you left you puzzled.

You knew that you couldn't stay like that, not when your brain was filled with questions that needed answering.

You left the training facility, and headed straight to Alexia's house.

Before knocking on her door your knees were weak and your brain was quiet. She opened the door mere moments later.

“ What did you mean by protecting me from you?” you asked as soon as she opened the door.

“ What are you doing here?” she asked.

“ What did you mean, alexia?”

“ i don't want to talk about this.”

“ well i do it's the only thing i have been thinking about.”

You force your way inside and she closes the door after you

“ You are not this passive aggressive. I know you. I heard alot about you. This thing you are hiding from me is killing me.” you say to her once she is in front of you.

“ Believe me when I say that I am protecting you.”

“ it's not your choice capitana. What are you protecting me from?”

“ I am protecting you from my feelings for you god damn it. We can't be together and that is all I have been thinking about. I have been thinking about you, your body, your laughter, your eyes. It’s driving me insane.” she yells as she slams the wall behind you.

You weren't shocked, you managed to keep your calm. You held onto her hand which was still on the wall. You backed up a little bit and didn't say a word.

“ this can't happen, you are 23, i am 30. I am older than you. I outrank you in the team. I just…”

“ i dont care.” you interrupt her still holding on to her arm. “ capitana i dont give a fuck. I want you. I need you. Do you want me?” you add.

“More than you'll ever know.” she whispers.

The air was still. The tension was high. You feel your body unintentionally move towards alexia. Your face was millimeters away from her you could feel her breath on your lips. You somehow got brave enough to kiss her. The kiss cut short because she pulled away.

“ please capitana i want this. I want you.”

She then kisses you deeply. Her need for you was apparent. She took control of all of you, not just your lips. She picked you up and walked towards her bedroom all while kissing you. She then threw you on her bed.

“ Are you sure estrella.” whispers

“ I never wanted anything more in this world.”

[s1ckh1mb0]

Cw//small part on body dysphoria and postpartum

Babydad Connie! loves the intimacy of tit sucking. He loves having you sit on his lap, grabbing your waist and pressing you closer to him. Soft rnb playing in the background while you tell him about your stressful day. It starts off with a few kisses going down your neck till he lifts up your shirt freeing your tits. He looks up at you when he hears a small sniffle and see you trying your best to avoid his gaze. He brows furrowed and he didn’t even have to ask what was wrong, Husband Connie! already knew. He knew since you had y’all baby girl your self image wasn’t the same as before. Your postpartum got the best of you some days you just felt depressed and disappointed on how you (in your mind) you couldn’t bounce back to your old body. Connie on the other hand couldn’t be more attracted to you and here he was mumbling that against your skin. His hand rubbing against the stretch marks left by your little girl. He loved how you looked now and he loved to remind you of it. “Mi Estrella look at you. So fucking beautiful. Carried our beautiful daughter who came out looking just like her mama. Who cares about a few stretch marks huh?” He lowered his head to your tits placing small hickies on them till he finally got to your nipples “gonna show you how beautiful I still fucking find you.”

[pitchsidestories]

New Year's Eve Party (3) II Alexia Putellas x Reader

New Year's Eve Party Masterlist (all previous parts can be found here) I Word count: 2193

On this last day of the year, Alexia sat on her side of your bed, deep in thought. The past year hasn’t been what she expected after her severe knee injury. The recovery was hard, her knee still bothered her and her latest surgery had been only a couple of days ago. All she wanted to do was get back on the pitch and show them that she still was the greatest of all time.

A small voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Mami, why are you so sad?“, her daughter asked, struggling to climb onto the bed. With a helping hand, Alexia made sure that Victoria was safely seated next to her.

“Oh, it’s nothing, love.“, she forced a smile. The toddler let her head drop down on her mums lap, whispering; “Mama said it’s your knee.“ Carefully, she bent forward to blow the softest kiss on Alexias knee, barely touching the surgery scar. A genuine smile spread on Alexias face; “You’re the sweetest.“ She gently brushed over her daughters hair.

“Nala, come here!“, Victoria called suddenly, patting the sheets next to her. Alexias dog jumped up without hesitation, looking expectantly at the two. “What are you doing?“, Alexia laughed while her daughter pulled the dog closer to her.

You were watching the scene from the bathroom where you were getting ready for the New Years Eve party. “She made it her mission to cheer you up.“, you explained. Your wife shook your head; “I’m okay. I don’t need cheering up.“

You knew this wasn’t true but before you could protest, Victoria watched you with big eyes; “Mama, tell Mami.“ “What?“, your eyebrows knotted together in confusion. Alexia mirrored your puzzled expression; “What are you talking about?“ Instead of an answer, Victoria just stared at you stubbornly.

When you realized she wouldn’t continue talking, you turned back to your wife; “Elisabet will soon be here. We should get you ready for the party.“ “You’re right. We can’t be late.“, she nodded and slowly got up from the bed. “Exactly. Do you want to help her get ready?“, you asked your toddler. She stood up immediately, bouncing up and down on the bed, her tiny ponytail swaying; „Yes!" Alexia scrunched her nose playfully; “Can’t I go in sweats? I bet the girls wouldn’t mind.“

“To a party?“, Victoria asked bewildered. “No, you’re right, love. I can’t go out like this when your Mama looks that stunning.“, Alexia winked at you. You could feel a blush creeping up your cheeks. “No, you can’t! You both have to look like princesses!“, your daughter decided. Your wife let out a soft laugh; “Agreed.“ “What are you going to wear?“, Victoria asked, bouncing with excitement.

After a moment of consideration, Alexia pulled out a forest green dress from her closet; “What about this dress? It matches your Mamas.“ Victorias answer came out as a yell; “Yes!“

“It’s perfect.”, you admitted chuckling. Your daughter was completely enchanted by the midfielder’s transformation which reminded her of the fairytale her Abuela told her about an ordinary girl becoming a princess through a fairy godmother:” You look so beautiful together.”

“Thank you.”, you kissed her cheek and hoped that kiss transported the deep love you felt for her, before you reacted to the ringing doorbell adding, this must be your Abuela.” “Oh, already?”, Victoria looked up surprised, she did not feel ready to let you two go just yet.

“Hello, anybody home?”, Elisabet asked giggling. Quickly your daughter ran to her grandmother beaming at the sight of her:”Abuela!” “Mi Estrella.”, the older woman exclaimed happily, before kneeling down, so her arms caught the running toddler.   “I think you two will have a good night.”, Alexia observed.

A warm smile was playing on your lips: “I think so too.” “Hello Mama.”, your wife greeted her mum with a welcoming hug.  For a moment Elisabet closed her eyes, enjoying the moment between her older daughter:  “Hello Ale.”

Afterwards your mother-in-law went immediately to you, her whisper was filled with curiosity:” Did you told her already?” “No, not yet. I wanted to wait with that after her surgery”, you slowly shook your head. A hint of disappointment showed up in the older woman’s face, but you tried to tell yourself that you had good reasons for being quiet about this until now.

The quiet talk between you both made Alexia show her impatient side, she was eager to know what you had exchanged: “What? What have you two been scheming again?”

Ignoring her daughter, Elisabet said to you:” I mean she’s done with that now.” Truthfully you answered: “Eli, I didn’t find the right time for it yet.” “Maybe you find it tonight.”, she suggested in a hopeful tone. You could feel her gaze cutting through the fabric of your dress which did a good job at hiding the small bump.

Meanwhile Victoria drew Alexia’s attention with an innocent wish:” Mami will you show Tia Mapi that I’m wearing her jersey tonight?” “Of course, I will. Let me take a photo of you for her.”, the midfielder nodded grinning. Excited the little girl confessed:” I love it so much.” “I will tell her.”, Alexia promised who knew that the defender’s injury and hers was saddening her daughter more than she wanted to admit.

Clearing her throat Elisabet decided loudly: “But for now, go and enjoy your party. She needs to get out after her surgery.”

“You’re right. Ale, we got to go.“, you reminded your wife. Alexia looked up from the photos she had just taken of Victoria in her jersey. With pleading eyes, your little daughter looked up to you, her arms outstretched so you could pick her up; “Can you tuck me in first?“ In a swift movement, you lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom; “Of course, love.“ “Thanks.“

While she got herself comfortable in her sheets, you picked out a book to read to her. You knew she loved the story of a young football playing girl, so Alexia and you had started to replace the name with Victorias.

“And that’s when Victoria realized, she could achieve anything she wanted with her friends and with her football team.“, you ended the story. Victoria tiredly blinked up at you; “I like that.“ “It’s a great story, right?“, you smiled softly. With a yawn, the toddler buried herself deeper into her blanket; “Yes.“

She was already asleep when you leaned forward to gently kiss her forehead; “Good night, love.“ “I’ll take over now. You two really shouldn’t be late for your party.“, Elisabet smiled from the door at you. You got up from the side of Victorias bed, while Alexia pressed a kiss on her mums cheek; “Thank you, mum.“

“Go and have fun.“, she replied while swatting at her daughters arm. You winked at her with a laugh; “Oh, we’ll.“ “Come on, we got to go.“, Alexia echoed what you have been saying for the past thirty minutes once again and took your hand in hers.

Still, to your surprise, you were the first ones to arrive at the party. Fridolina and her girlfriend were just finished with decorating their house. Alexia promptly handed you a glass of champagne as the other guests began to arrive. You politely took it, carrying it around with you but not drinking from it.

During her smalltalk with her team mates, Alexia realized that the level of your champagne hadn’t change over the course of the evening. You could tell from the glance she gave you that she was worried; “What’s wrong, mi amor? Don’t you feel good?“

“No, I feel much better than the past weeks to be honest.“, you admitted, swallowing hard. “You do?“ “I…“, you started, but Mapi tugged at both of your arms at the same time. “Girls, get ready for the group photo!“

“Yes?“, Alexia prompted you to continue, ignoring her team mate completely. “You had so much going on, so I didn’t know how to tell you…“, you admitted. Mapis voice interrupted you again; “Hurry up, you two.“ But you could see in your wifes’ face that she understood; “One second, Mapi. Are you saying you’re…?“

You nodded slowly but delighted; “That it worked? Yes.“ “Wow.“, Alexia breathed. You both were finally pulled into the group photo. “Alexia, always the latest.“, Mapi commented amused like she already had few too many drinks. Alexia replied quietly; “We’re here now.“ “Finally!“ “Let’s just take the photo.“

After they took the annual group photo, Aitana was satisfied with the result:” I think it’s the first time I saw Ale really smiling tonight.” “At least we have proof of it.”, Patri mocked the team’s captain lovingly. This comment made Alexia roll her eyes while defending herself at the same time:”  Let me smile I just heard the best news in a while.”

Before she could explain her reply any further the midfielder answered a video call from your daughter:” Hi love, shouldn’t you be asleep already?” “I woke up again. Abuela said I could call you.”, Victoria pouted.

Immediately Mapi spotted the jersey the toddler was wearing which made her grin even harder: “Love the shirt you’re wearing!” “Thanks.”, the pout on your daughter’s face was replaced with a sincere smile. The alcohol loosened the defender’s tongue as she blurted out in a genuine tone: “I’m obsessed.” “Me too. It’s my favourite.”, Victoria confirmed proudly.

With a playful pained gesture Alexia commented:” Sadly. Hopefully the next one knows which position on the field is the best.” “The next one?”, Mapi looked interested between you and your wife. Your heart warmed up when Alexia explained her sentence prior:” She will be a big sister in 2024.” “I will?”, Victoria asked visibly touched by the news. “Yes.”, you told her, while your heart sank a bit as you couldn’t hug her in this very moment.

But it didn’t seem to matter too much to her as she was running up to her grandmother:” Abuela!”  “Yes, mi amor?”, Elisabeth looked expectantly at the little girl. Your daughter jumped up and down excitedly:” I’ll be a big sister soon!” “Oh, that’s amazing.”, the older woman cried out delighted.

Amused Alexia shook her head:” You knew the whole time, didn’t you?” “Yes, do you know how hard it was for me to keep my lips sealed?!” , her mother groaned. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?”

Apologetically you put a hand on your wife’s arm: “I told her to wait until your knee issue was solved.” “My knee won’t stop me from being a mum.”, Alexia protested with a crooked smile on her lips. Guiltily you bit your lip: “Sorry.” “That’s okay. Maybe I just needed this news today.”, the midfielder reassured you, pressing a heartfelt kiss on the top of your head. 

Meanwhile Mapi declared:” I think it’s time for the first toast?” “Is it?”, Alexia turned surprised to one of her oldest friends in the team. Giddy with excitement the defender rose her glass: “Yes.”  “Alright then.”, she shrugged.

Mapi cleared her throat and announced with a solemn voice; “To Alexia and her family. May 2024 treat you well.“ You all clinked your glasses together. Alexia put a hand on Mapis arm; “Thank you, Mapi.“ “Yes, that was really sweet of you. Especially because 2023 had so many ups and downs.“, you nodded, glancing over to your wife.

The defender gave you a smile full of sympathy; “That’s why I hope this year will be better for you.“ “Thanks.“, you answered, grateful for the friendships in this team. Alexia put her arm around you, tipping her glass towards Mapi; “We appreciate it.“ “You’re welcome.“, her team mate smiled back happily.

The whole display and the thought of your family growing made you slightly emotional. “Love you girls.“, you whispered. Alexia pressed a kiss against your hair and replied; “I love you too.“ “I love you too, Mama and Mami.“, a tired voice added and your attention was immediately drawn back to Alexias phone.

Her screen showed a very tilted angle of your daughter with her eyes almost closed again as if she had fallen asleep with her abuelas phone in her tiny hand. “Sleep well, mi amor.“, your wife smiled before saying goodbye to her mother and ending the call.

Mapis eyes went soft; “She’s so cute. I just want to steal her when you two aren’t watching.“ “There’s no way you will get her!“, Alexia shook her head determinedly. “Damn it.“ Your wife laughed; “She loves you. But she wont leave us.“ “Exactly.“, you agreed. Mapi just shrugged; “I can live with that because I’m her favourite on the pitch.“

Alexia responded by punching Mapi against the upper arm to which the defender feigned a wounded look; “Ouch, that hurts, Ale.“ “That’s definitely a lie.“, your wife replied with an amused eye roll. “It’s not!“, Mapi protested.

You couldn’t stop yourself from grinning. Seeing Alexia smile and joke with her team mates again, made your heart flutter. “She loves you both.“, you interrupted them but silently you loved the bickering. Seeing your wife that happy again might have made your year.

Feel free to let us know if you're enjoying our little series so far 🩷

[sturniolos-blog]

Can u do one similar to “first panic attack” but Matt comes home late and walks in on reader crying herself to sleep because she feels like she’s raising her kids alone and they don’t really argue but she just kinda breaks down and tells him how she feels. And then he comforts her and like flashes to him putting in more effort and being more present for his kids but also as a husband?

(Love ur writing soo much girl!!💋❣️🫵)

I’m sorry - Matt Sturniolo x Y/n oneshot

warnings - swearing, angst, sad sorta, fluff

disclaimer: this will all be third person pov because i think i write better that way but that wont be for all my fics ‼️‼️

—————————

9:36pm

“Goodnight, sweet boy.” Y/n whispered to her 4 year old son, kissing his forehead as he fell asleep in his thomas the choo-choo train bed.

“Night night, mama!” He giggled, pulling the covers up to his chin.

Y/n smiled at her boy before turning on the white noise machine and before leaving the room also turning on the fan, knowing how her song gets hot and sweaty during the night.

She closes the door to her sons room, making her way to her 6 year old daughters room, a bigger smile flashing on her face when she sees her daughter sitting up waiting for her.

Estrella smiled at her mom as Y/n walked into the room.

“Hey, lovey.” Y/n said in a soft tone.

“Hi, mommy.” Ella smiled cheekly, getting under the covers.

“Goodnight, my girl.” Y/n whispered, the same way she had done to her son prior to this, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

Y/n then turned on the fan for her daughter too, her fan was a little older so it rattled with noise, making enough noise to help Ella fall asleep.

“Mommy?” Estrella called out as the room went dark, a little butterfly nightlight that sat on the small girls nightstand being the only thing lighting up the room, but enough to see.

“Yes, honey?” Y/n turned around.

“Can you read me the dinosaur book?” Estrella asked, “Please?” She dragged out the E at the end.

“Okay, sweetheart.” Y/n sighed, giving into her daughter.

Quick Disclaimer pt.2: This book is based on the runaway dinosaur from the flash, i have changed some words and some details from the book from the show, this book is not made my me, only some changes were made‼️enjoy

Y/n walked over to the 6 year olds shelf with a variety of items on it, picking out the hard covered book that had a dinosaur on the cover, ‘The runaway dinosaur.’

(Italics is the dialogue in the book.)

Estrella clapped her hands together in excitement as Y/n came over and sat on the bed with the girl. Ella immediately snuggling into her mothers side as Y/n started to read.

“The runaway dinosaur..” Y/n started.

There was silence as Y/n flipped to the first page of the picture book.

“Once there was a little dinosaur called a Maiasaur, who lived with her mother.” Y/n read, although Ella has had this story read to her many times, she still pays close attention.

“One day, she told her mother, ‘I wish I were special like the other dinosaurs. If I were a T.Rex, I could chomp with my ferocious teeth!’” Y/n continued, Ella’s eyes focused on the pages as Y/n read.

“‘But if you were a T.Rex,’ said her mother, ‘how would you hug me with your tiny little arms?’” Y/n flipped another page.

“‘I wish I were an Apatosaurus,’ said the little dinosaur, ‘so with my long neck I could see above the treetops.’” Ella clung onto her mothers shirt.

“‘But if you were an Apatosaurus,’ said her mother, ‘how would you hear me in the treetops when I told you I love you?’” Y/n read, her eyes glancing to her daughter that was still wide awake.

Y/n took one deep breath, “‘What makes you so special, little Maiasaur?’ said her mother. ‘Is it your ferocious teeth or long neck or pointy beak?” Y/n shook her head.

“‘What makes you special is out of all the different dinosaurs in the big, wide world, you have the mother who is just right for you, and who will always love you…’” Y/n finished, closing the book.

Ella smiled as Y/n set the book down on her nightstand.

Y/n sighed and started to get up, “Alright-”

“Mommy?” Ella unintentionally interrupted.

“Mhm?” Y/n hummed as she started to tuck the blankets in around her daughter.

“I think the dinosaur book is like us, because you will always love me, and..” Ella trailed off.

Y/n stopped tucking in the blankets to look at her daughter, “And what, baby?” Y/n asked softly.

“And there’s no daddy dinosaur, kind of like right now.” Ella said in a quiet tone.

“Estrella, baby, daddy’s not gone.” Y/n let out a laugh in disbelief.

“But he’s not here.” Ella shrugged, turning on her side.

Y/n stopped for a moment, taking in her daughters words, is that really what she thinks? has matt really not been here that ella feels like she doesn’t have a father? why-

Y/n’s thoughts get interrupted when Ella speaks again, “Well except there’s no Mailo in the book, so it’s kind of different.” The 6 year old points out.

Y/n nods, sniffling for a moment before blinking the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes away. “Time for bed, yeah?”

Estrella nodded, getting comfy one last time. “Night, mommy.”

Y/n forced a smile on her face, “Goodnight, Ella.” She whispered, brushing the hair out of Ella’s face before slowly making her way out of the room.

Y/n walked into her and Matt’s shared room, but now that she thinks about it, it really just feels like hers.

Her eyes glance to the big, empty, bed, the bed looking like it will swallow her whole when she climbs in.

Y/n shakes her head, getting rid of her thoughts as she changes her clothes and into pajamas.

She slowly got into bed, dreading the feeling of the cold sheets without her husband next to her.

And then she slowly, softly, let out a sob.

Tears overwhelmed her, she thought it would stop but it didn’t. The tears kept flowing down her cheeks as she cried into her comforter.

Keeping quiet as she’s afraid to wake her children. The tears soaking her pillow as her head rested on it.

Thoughts ran through her head at rapid speeds but she couldn’t focus on one, the tears that blurred her vision also blurred her line of thought.

The racks of her body and the sobs that escaped her lips went on for about 15 minutes.

Her cries were loud enough for her not to hear the front door open, for her not to hear footsteps come up the stairs, for her not even to hear her bedroom door opening and closing.

Matt made his way in, his calm demeanor he had once plastered on his face now changed to a worried expression, running over to his wife and completely covering her body with his, bringing her to cry in his chest.

She struggled in his grip, not wanting to be held by the person that made her feel like this, the person that was supposed to be a husband to her, the person she vowed her life too, made her feel like this.

She sobbed harder, her tears running through his shirt, making dark wet spots on the white cloth.

“Y/n, holy shit, please- s-stop, Y/n, talk to me.” Matt stuttered out, his wife gripping onto him like he’d disappear once again if she had let go.

Y/n shook her head, knowing what she wants to say but not being able to, her cries were in control, her overthinking was in control, everything else but herself was in control, even Matt.

Matt held her close, repeatedly whispering sweet nothings into her ear as he stroked her hair, a gesture he remembered she loved having done to her.

Her sobs soon turned into, heavy breathing and a cry every so often, her heavy breathing then turned into sniffles, and her sniffles soon turned into silence.

The air was stuck. Every breath she took felt like it was swallowing her.

“Y-you good? What happened?” Matt asked, not wanting to make her break again but also wanting to know what caused her to fall apart.

Y/n took a deep breath and sat up, “I just-” She cut herself off, taking a deep breath as she sat against the headboard next to Matt.

Matt shook his head, “Don’t say it was nothing, Y/n. It obviously wasn’t nothing. You can always-”

“It was you!” She yelled loudly, immediately clearing her throat and lowering her voice into a whisper shout. “It was you.”

Matt went to speak but Y/n beat him to it, “You’re not here anymore, Matt! You leave at seven in the morning and don’t come back ‘till twelve or so. Your children barely see you anymore,” Y/n points to herself, “I barely see you anymore.”

Matt sits there for a moment, “I-i don’t know what to say..” His voice was quiet and small.

Y/n sighed, her sadness was gone, all she felt was anger. “Well your daughter did! She told me how it feels like you’re not here anymore when we were reading ‘The runaway dinosaur.’ And you know what? I realized she was right.” Y/n said.

“I g-got her that book.” Matt said, sadness now filling his body like it had done to Y/n.

“Yeah and that’s probably the best thing you’ve done for a father. I mean, she starred in a play last week! Did you know that?” Y/n asked him.

Matts eyes widened slightly before he shook his head.

“Yeah. She told you, but you were on the phone and said you were running late for work.” Y/n scoffed. “And Mailo made a scene in pre-school when someone asked where his dad was because they never see him drop him off.” Y/n explained. “And i thought that was just Mailo getting upset, but no. He was upset because he probably feels like he doesn’t have a father either. Just like Ella.” Y/n ranted.

“I-i’m sorry. Please, forgive me. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean too- i just, my brothers, and fans, i just- i don’t know i just try to handle it but it seems like im making it worse.” Matt pleaded, tears brimming his eyes as his voice cracks.

Y/n sighed and shook her head. “I just need you, Matt. I miss you. I feel like i don’t have a husband, and my kids don’t have a father, you’re here but you’re not. And i need you to be here, i need you.” Y/n finished.

Matt nodded, grabbing her face in his hands, “I will be here, i promise. Let me make it up to you. Okay? Please.” He begged.

Y/n looked her husband in the eyes and nodded, “Okay..” She whispered.

—————————

8:44am (2 weeks later)

Y/n yawned as she woke up her eyes widening as she checked the time, looking to her left and seeing no one there. She sighed as she should of expected it, it has been good for the last two weeks, but now, as y/n thinks, everything’s back to how it was without Matt.

She rushed out of bed, quickly throwing some jeans and a sweatshirt on, throwing her hair into a bun before running out of her room and into Ella’s,

“Ella! baby! come-” She cut herself off as she looked at the empty made bed.

She scratches her head as she closed the door to Ella’s room, making her way to Mailo’s, opening the door to see his bed was also empty and made.

“What the hell?” She muttered to herself before hearing loud laughs from downstairs.

No way, she thought, starting to walk downstairs.

She walked downstairs and into the kitchen, music was playing from Matt’s phone as he had a kitchen towel slung over his shoulder, holding a wooden kitchen spoon as he had pancake batter smudged on his cheek.

Now taking a look, Y/n saw pancake batter scattered over the counters and some on the floor.

“Mommy!” Ella yelled, catching Y/n’s attention as she looked over, Ella and Mailo sat at the table, dressed with their hair done, eating pancakes with orange juice.

Ellas hair was in a slicked back pony tail and Mailo’s was combed nicely.

“Hi guys..” Y/n furrowed her brows. “What is going on?” Y/n walked closer to Matt as she pointed around the kitchen.

“I got them ready and made breakfast.” Matt shrugged, a smile on his face as he walked over to Y/n, kissing her lips slowly, but both pulling away once they hear complaints of disgust come from the children.

Matt laughs and rolls his eyes.

Y/n’s hand goes up to Matt’s cheek, swiping the pancake batter and putting it in his face. “And what’s this?” She laughs.

Matts eyes widened, “Yes, i’m so sorry, we got a little messy when we were making the pancakes. But i will clean everything up later..” Matt trails off as he glances at the clock.

“Speaking of, i should probably head out.” Matt mentions.

Y/n smile fades, “Where are you going?” She asked quietly.

“To drop the kids off, i’ll be back to clean everything up, promise.” He smiles, pulling her in one last time for a loving kiss.

Matt stares at her for a moment and lets out a sigh, “Okay, and get ready for a lunch date we have at 12:30.” He told her.

“A what?” Y/n laughed in disbelief.

“You heard me.” He laughed too, “Alright,” He clapped his hands together. “Let’s go, let’s go! All aboard the choo-choo train, don’t miss it!” Matt said as the kids giggled.

“Thomas!” Mailo yelled.

Matt nodded, “Well, let’s go so we don’t miss him!” Matt says in a duh tone as he walked past y/n one last time, kissing her cheeks and grabbing the kids backpacks.

“Bye mommy!”

“Bye mama!” Both Ella and Mailo yelled.

“Bye guys!” Y/n said before the door shut and the house went quiet.

Matt really changed.

He really was sorry.

—————————

so i hope you guys loved this and if you didn’t let me know and i’ll make sure to never mess up again okay love yalll

tag list: @sturniolosmind @novasturniolo03 @hearts4chriss @vinniehackerslefttoe @christhopersturniolo

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 29

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist

Dieter Bravo X OFC (Natalia)

Series Rating: Explicit (18+) Word Count: 12.4k

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with the resulting mental health struggles. Just when she has settled into her new normal, she meets a handsome stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor with a heart-breaking past named Dieter Bravo. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, drug use, alcohol abuse, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “You came in here just to cause chaos, didn’t you?”

It was midday on a Friday, when I found myself putting the laundry away in the bedroom as I waited for Dieter to return home from a meeting. An anxious feeling drove me to keep busy since the meeting was about the “tell all” interview he was planning to do. I was humming along with the radio that was just barely audible through the speakers in the living room and tucking socks into a drawer when a piece of clothing landed on my head. I sighed, pulling it from my face as I turned toward the doorway. I narrowed my eyes at Dieter, who was standing there in nothing but his black jeans with his arm leaned against the door frame above his head. He eyed me with a flirty smirk on his face. 

I scoffed, “What am I now, your dirty laundry basket?” I turned to throw his shirt into the hamper as he made his way over to me with a chuckle. His hands immediately snaked around my waist, pulling me tightly against his chest while his mouth searched out the spot behind my ear that always got me going. Instinctively, my fingers reached to tangle into his hair. My humming turned into a quiet moan as my skin broke out in goosebumps from his touch. This felt like a distraction. I managed to gather my thoughts well enough to focus on extracting the news I had anxiously been awaiting.

I tightened my grip on his hair, “How did the…uhh…meeting go?” 

He groaned, “Eso no es importante en este momento.” (That’s not important at the moment.) 

Taking a minute to translate that to the best of my ability, I leaned away slightly, pulling his head backward by his hair to make him look at me. “Por que?” (Why?)

Dieter arched his eyebrow and gave me a wide smile, now running his hands up and down my body, “Mi estrella está aprendiendo rápidamente. Eso es jodidamente sexy.” (My star is learning fast, that’s so fucking sexy.)

My brows drew down together as I pursed my lips, “You lost me…but I don’t think that answered my question…It actually sounded a little dirty…”

He gave me a cocky smile before leaning in to kiss me gently - briefly stopping to whisper against my lips, “Te mostraré sucio.” (I’ll show you dirty.)

I wasn’t given a chance to respond before Dieter firmly pulled our bodies together for a deeper kiss, angling my head backward allowing his tongue to seek out mine. His hands found their way down to the back of my thighs, gripping tightly to lift me and move toward the side of the bed. A high-pitched squeal slipped through my lips as he tossed me onto the mattress. Within seconds, he was straddling my hips and pinning my arms above my head with one hand as he continued the assault with his mouth on my neck. My giggles trailed off into low moans as he occasionally stopped to murmur softly in Spanish against my flushed skin. I had no idea what he was saying. He could have been reading from the dictionary for all I cared, as long as he was doing it in his husky bedroom voice that always ignited a blaze inside of me. I almost forgot about the meeting, but somehow managed to come back to it. I buried my face into his hair as I spoke up, “Is there a reason you’re trying to distract me from talking about your meeting?”

He chuckled nervously into my neck before shifting to lay beside me, “There isn’t much to talk about. It’s happening and I have final say over the content and editing…actually…I have full creative control over the whole project.” 

He was casually looking anywhere but at me now. I narrowed my eyes at him, “Why do you need full creative control of an interview?” 

He dug his teeth into his bottom lip, then shrugged. 

I sat up and looked down at him, “Dieter, what did you get into?”

He grimaced slightly, “Well…I had an idea…and they liked it.”

I widened my eyes and tilted my head slightly, waiting for him to continue, but he didn’t. “And this idea was…what?”

He took a deep breath, scratching at his chin before he looked over at me. 

“They approved a four-part docuseries.” He gave me a fake cheesy smile. 

My shoulders dropped, fearing the answer to my next question. “What does that mean exactly?”

He sat up, crossing his legs as he turned toward me with a determined look on his face. 

“I would like for you to do it with me. I wanna show everything…the therapy sessions…everything that I deal with on a daily basis…all of it. I wanna be open about what happened and about you… and our life now. I feel like it’s important to show the whole journey.”

I gave him a gaping stare as I took in his words, knowing he could see the shock on my face. I couldn’t believe he wanted to do it this way. “So, you want cameras here…filming our daily life? Is that what you mean?” 

He held up his hands, like he was trying to calm a scared animal, “Yes, but hear me out…I’ve got several smaller projects coming up. So…I figure it would be a good time to do it since we’ll be doing a lot of self-care planning and trying to figure out the logistics. I want people to see what it takes and… that it can be done. You can be involved as little or as much as you want, but I would love it if you’re by my side for it all. The caretaker role is just as important as my role in recovery…and I want people to know how amazing you are.” 

I knew where he was coming from and I understood it, but I was having a hard time with the thought of cameras invading our personal space. I sighed, squeezing the bridge of my nose. I had said that I would support him in his awareness projects, but I wasn’t expecting this. I thought it was going to be us sitting in a room, answering questions. I didn’t know what to say. There was another part of my brain reminding me that this is what I signed up for when I decided to date a famous actor. I knew there would be cameras. At least in this instance, we could control the narrative. He squeezed his hands into fists as he looked at me with a half-smile, half grimace on his face waiting for a response. He couldn’t handle my silence for long.

“Look…we can plan when the cameras are here. There will be no surprises. We can try to keep it focused on when things are happening and not so much our private time. We can record things ourselves too…it doesn’t always have to be a whole crew of people. It would only be for a few weeks…and…”  

His words were starting to come out in a rush, and I wasn’t sure if he had even taken a breath. I shook my head, reaching out to grab his hands to get him to relax. 

“I’ll do it, ok. Whatever you need me to do…I’ll do it.” 

It was his turn to look shocked, “I thought it was gonna take more convincing than that…are you sure? Is this a bad idea?”

I chuckled, “I don’t know if it’s a bad idea or not, but I’m sure.” 

A hesitant smile crept across his face as he nodded, his mind clearly in overdrive as he considered things. “Ok. So, we're doing this. Now that it’s for sure happening…I’m fucking nervous.”

I crawled over and straddled his lap, momentarily distracted by his broad shoulders, and sculpted arms as my hands slid around to rest on the nape his neck. My eyes finally met his, “I trust that you can do this in a way that has an impact on the cause. Just know…it’s gonna be very raw and very hard for both of us…if we do it right. Are you sure you can handle it?”  

He leaned his forehead against mine, “I can handle anything as long as I have you, mi luz.” (my light)

I gave him a quick peck on the lips before leaning back to look at him with skeptical eyes. I couldn’t decide if he was trying to be sweet or smooth, “You’re totally trying to get into my pants right now, aren’t you?” 

He couldn’t fight the toothy grin that spread across his face, “I meant every fucking word of it…” I arched an eyebrow at him. “However, you did just totally cockblock me. You’re also currently rubbing against my semi, and I can’t ignore it. So yes, I am very much trying to get into your pants right now.” 

I cackled. His filter really had become non-existent around me, and I loved it. I leaned in for a slow, sensual kiss before pulling away, “You’re completely insatiable. It’s a tough job, but I guess someone must see to your needs or else you would combust. My life is so hard...” 

Dieter smirked and wiggled underneath me, “I know something else that is too.” 

We fell over into a heap on the bed, kissing between fits of laughter before he resumed his earlier position at my neck. As I started to unbutton his jeans, the doorbell rang. Dieter groaned as he pulled away from me, “Fucking hell, I can’t win today.” I let out a small chuckle as I mussed his hair.

“I’m sure that’s probably Rylee.” He paused briefly and looked toward the clock on the nightstand, “Of course she’s super fucking early.” He rolled his eyes as he moved to get up, “I need to take a very cold shower right quick. I’ll be out in a minute.” 

I laughed as I watched him walk toward the bathroom with an obvious bulge in his jeans. I crawled out of bed and did a quick check in the mirror to get my hair under control before going to answer the door. Rylee entered in a flurry before I even had a chance to greet her. The first thing I noticed was that her hair was now black and a brilliant fuchsia color, matching her feisty demeanor. She was all business the minute she opened her mouth and started waving her hands around.

“Sorry I’m early, but I was just thinking about the shitstorm of stuff I need to catch up on. I don’t even know where to start with his schedule. I bet he hasn’t kept up with anything at all and I’m gonna have to call around to figure it all out and…”

“Damn woman, calm down. It’s good to see you too,” I said with a laugh as I closed the door behind her. 

She huffed, “I’m sorry. I’m a little stressed.”

I gave her a reassuring smile, “Well, stress less because I already have everything on his calendar. I’ve been helping him keep up with it all. I just need to share it with you. I’ve got other things to share with you too as far as what he can’t eat, his self-care plan, medication schedule…All of it.” 

Rylee visibly relaxed as she let out a sigh of relief, “Fuuuuck, thank you. I had a nightmare about a million stacks of papers to go through. It was frightening.” 

We both laughed as she came over to hug me. It was the first time I had seen her since Canada. I was so happy that she decided to come back as Dieter’s assistant after he called her. I trusted her and knew she would do what was needed to help him with work and with his recovery. 

Dieter and I had rearranged my home office space and cleaned out the clutter so that we could add a separate two-person desk for him and Rylee. I led her back to show her where everything was while we waited for Dieter to get out of the shower. I started syncing their calendars while we caught up with each other - including the news about the docuseries. Which Dieter had apparently already called to tell her about. 

Dieter joined us a few minutes later with a camera and small tripod in hand. We both gave him a questioning look as he got it situated. He shrugged, “I figured we might as well start filming things...and I know you two need to get used to the camera.”  

Rylee and I both groaned as he moved to pull the shades up on the window to let some natural light in. Once he was satisfied, he pulled me up out of his seat so he could sit down, then set me onto his lap. I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head as he gave me a goofy grin and firmly planted his hand on the side of my ass. I looked back to Rylee to find her covering a smile with her hand. 

I could feel the blush creeping up my neck, “Well…this is gonna be an interesting experience. I can already tell.” 

We all laughed nervously before I began filling Rylee in on Dieter’s diagnosis. We started by going over his self-care plan. I showed her how to use his mood tracking app and went over his stress and anxiety management techniques. I explained things that she should be looking for in regard to mood changes in case he didn’t notice it. She offered to do some homework on her end and asked if I had any book or resource recommendations. With misty eyes, Dieter said he would pull some things for her. He hugged me a little tighter, burying his face against my back as we moved on to discussing his upcoming schedule. 

I had taken to putting everything on his calendar - even if it was just a reminder to take his medication, eat lunch, or a minute to relax and breathe. He got the alerts on his phone and smart watch. Anything we could do to help him remember even the smallest of things, we did it. Especially since I wouldn’t always be around to remind him while he was working. At least I could trust that Rylee would help make sure he followed through. I could see that she was taking everything very seriously.  

The next couple of weeks were a little chaotic with my job and planning for the docuseries. Dieter was fully back into work mode and somewhat struggling with keeping everything balanced. His obsessive nature was coming out in force causing him to hyper fixate on the finer details. It was definitely putting me and Rylee to the test, especially when he started to unintentionally ignore his reminder alerts. Dr. Rosenberg had warned me that these behaviors would be hard for him to break when it came to work, simply because he had been that way for so long. Every day I found myself more and more thankful that he was easing back into things and starting small. If he had jumped back into the deep end like Ty had wanted, it would have been unmanageable, and he would probably have ended up back where he was. 

During those weeks, Dieter continued to film things on his own and encouraged Rylee and I to grab the camera when things came up in relation to his bipolar disorder - whether it be a phone call with Dr. Rosenberg, how he was managing things, or if he was feeling or behaving any kind of way that wasn’t “normal” for him. It was annoying and felt a little intrusive at times, but I understood why he wanted it. Oddly enough, when he would playback the footage, it made him realize when he needed to reign things in and make adjustments. It turned out to be both a hindrance and blessing. 

The day the camera crew was set to begin filming, I woke up to Dieter lying on his side facing me, staring at the wall as he traced paths along my bare skin with his fingertips. I took in his features before he realized I was awake, his face looked tense and his eyes anxious. When I moved my hand to cup his face, his gaze shifted down to meet mine. He gave me a small smile before leaning in to kiss my forehead. We spent several minutes cuddling in silence before I turned to pull the camera and attached stabilizer off the nightstand. I gave him a questioning look and he nodded. This was our new normal for the time being, after all.

Once I got the camera switched on and hit record, I propped my arm on his side and turned it to face us. We were both still laying on our sides facing each other looking like hot messes with our wild hair in the dim lighting, but we didn’t care. 

“So, the camera crew is gonna be here in a few hours. How are you feeling about it?” I asked him in a low voice.

Dieter inhaled deeply, then let out a loud sigh. “Fucking terrified.” 

I arched an eyebrow at him, “Why?” 

“Because I know it’s not just gonna be surface level shit we’re talking about. The interviews are gonna be hard. I’m gonna have to talk about things I don’t like talking about and listen to you talk about things I don’t like to hear. I know it’s gonna be hard for us in a way that we haven’t had to deal with yet.”        

I reached with my free hand and placed it on the side of his neck, rubbing small circles with my thumb. He closed his eyes for a moment and relaxed under my touch, “It can’t be any worse than what we’ve already dealt with.” 

“No, but now everyone is gonna know what happened. That’s adding a whole other layer to things.” 

I scooted my face forward a bit and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, “We’ll be ok.”

He gave me a soft smile before he reached to cover the camera and pushed it away. He immediately leaned in to start kissing me. A playful make out session was all it took to shift his focus and cheer up his glum mood.

Before I knew it, I was being introduced to the camera crew that would be spending the next few weeks with us. Dieter had put in a request to work with specific individuals that he knew and trusted for the project, and it was approved. I used to think that our home was decently sized, but once the two camera operators, two sound guys, one lighting technician, the producer, and all their equipment started making their way inside, it suddenly felt very cramped. Dieter could see my anxiety building as they moved around the space and discussed filming plans. He was quick to grab my hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb as he chatted with them. I mostly just sat and listened since this was a completely new experience for me. 

There weren't any plans to film that day. It was mostly so we could all get acquainted and for them to become familiar with the house and set up equipment. The real fun started first thing the next morning. Dieter was up filming and going through his morning routine before I was out of bed. I had a restless night - the nerves getting to me and keeping me awake. I got out of bed and threw my hair up in a clip to tame it some and put on a robe. When I stumbled into the kitchen in search of coffee, I could hear voices downstairs. I assumed Dieter was getting his morning workout in.

Once the caffeine began to take effect, I started to mindlessly cook breakfast for everyone. Attempting to think about anything but the cameras that were going to be in my face for most of the day. When breakfast was nearly done, the whole crew were already making their way upstairs. A quick glance told me they were still filming as Dieter came over to wrap his arms around my waist and kiss me on the cheek, mumbling a “good morning” into my ear. His greeting was pretty tame compared to how things usually went. 

Dieter and I stood chatting about a meeting for one of his upcoming projects that he had asked me to go to later that day as I piled the food onto plates for everyone. He wanted me to go with him to offer input on his schedule and ensure he was doing what he needed to based on the doctor’s orders to not overexert himself. He was so afraid that he was going to miss something or slide back into his old habits. His new manager, Will, was still playing catchup on everything and didn’t yet feel confident on what was needed for Dieter’s self-care plan. He was happy to hear that I would be there to double check everything this time around. Will had been great so far and was taking Dieter’s well-being seriously, unlike Ty. I honestly didn’t think we could have found anyone better to work with in that regard. He seemed to actually care. 

As Dieter was rattling off the meeting details, I continued to move around the kitchen to pull out glasses and utensils. I happened to look down at his pill organizer on the counter and realized he hadn’t taken his medication or supplements this morning. I sighed as I picked it up and waved it at him with a disapproving look. 

He grimaced as he reached for the organizer, “Lo siento, mi luz. I’ll do better, I promise. Today has been so hectic already.” (I’m sorry, my light.)

“Same time, every day. Take it when your alert goes off…please.” He pulled me in for a quick kiss and thanked me for the reminder. 

I was starting to feel like a broken record, and I hated nagging Dieter, but since he started working again, he had been slipping up on things…a lot. He never complained or got upset with my incessant reminders. Instead, he would often thank me, do what he needed, then go back to what he had been focused on. 

After he took his medication, he leaned against the counter and caught my hand, stopping me from what I was doing with the food so that I would turn to look at him. 

“Hey…serious question.” I raised my eyebrows in response, waiting for him to continue. 

“Will called, he needs to know what our plans are for the premiere next week.” He proceeded to give me his best sad puppy-eyed look. I sighed, “You really want me to go with you?” 

He nodded, “Yes, I think I’ll be less anxious if you’re there with me…but only if you’re ready for that.” 

I reached up, rubbing at my temple while I thought it through, eventually meeting his eyes before I responded. “I guess I gotta rip the band-aid off at some point, yeah?”

He gave me a hesitant smile, “Really? You’re sure?” 

I rolled my eyes and nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.”

Dieter grabbed my hips and pulled me in tightly against his body for a rather passionate kiss on the lips with murmurs of “thank you” in between each additional one. I pushed him away slightly, motioning with my eyes and head to remind him that we had company…and a camera rolling. He snorted before turning to them, clapping his hands together, and asking if they wanted some breakfast. They all let out low chuckles as they moved to set their equipment down and came over to grab a plate of food. We all sat down around the table and chatted, getting to know each other a bit more. 

Once everyone was nearly finished eating, Stephanie, the producer, asked if I wanted to do a quick interview session before we headed out for Dieter’s meeting. This was something we had to get accustomed to doing while filming. Random interviews to discuss events of the day. I opted to get ready for the meeting first, just so I could look a little more presentable. 

After I had showered and fixed myself up a bit, I headed downstairs to where they had set up the interview space in the corner of my craft room. The floor to ceiling windows offered ample lighting during the day for this purpose. After some minor lighting adjustments, we got started. It wasn’t as bad as I expected. Stephanie led the conversation with questions about various things: the day’s plans, why I was going to Dieter’s meeting, the need to remind Dieter about doing things, and how I was feeling about the docuseries in general. She made me feel comfortable and relaxed throughout the whole thing, which helped ease some of the anxiety I was having about doing it.  

Just as we were finishing up, Dieter came strolling into the room in one of his old band t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and a baseball hat. I arched a questioning eyebrow at him, “That’s what you’re wearing to a work meeting?” 

I had gone with business casual attire, so I was surprised to see him dressed down. He shrugged, “I’d rather be comfortable. Besides, I’m sure Will will be dressed up enough for the both of us.” 

I rolled my eyes at him and snickered, “At least you’re not wearing the fucking crocs…” 

He gave me a cocky grin, “I mean, I could still go change…” 

I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head. One of the camera guys, Derek, laughed loudly as he watched our exchange, “Do you guys always banter back and forth like this?” Dieter and I laughed. 

“Oh yes, we live for it…keeps things interesting.” Dieter replied with a lopsided grin. 

We were interrupted by mine and Dieter’s phones pinging with a text from Will to let us know he was on his way to the meeting. We took that as our cue to head that way as well. As I got into the driver seat, I was greeted with two small cameras affixed to both sides of the front window. I glanced over at Dieter as he sat down in the passenger seat, “Really? In the car too?” 

He shrugged, “Only on occasion. They aren’t staying there.” 

I moved to start the car, “Thank God for that. They feel very…in your face.”  

Dieter laughed as he grabbed my hand and briefly brought it to his lips, “Thank you for this. I know it’s a lot for you.”

I moved to lace my fingers with his and settled our clasped hands on the console between us as I glanced over and gave him a small smile, “It’s not been too bad…and I know it’s for a good reason. I think I’m actually more worried about the premiere than any of this right now.”

He let out a controlled breath, “Yeah, I’m pretty nervous about that too…but…we’ll be together, so it’ll be fine.”  

Dieter sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than me with that statement. It was his first major event since everything that happened, and he was really starting to psych himself out about it.  

A short time later we found ourselves at the studio to meet with producers. They surprisingly allowed the meeting to be filmed so long as their faces were not shown on the final cut. Things got a little heated when it came to the discussion about Dieter’s filming schedule. They wanted to pack a lot of filming hours into a short time frame. Filming well into the early morning hours on top of ridiculously early call times was not happening. Not this soon at least. Especially given that lack of sleep was a serious trigger for Dieter to start spiraling into a hypo-manic episode. Luckily Will was there to keep things civil because I was getting amped up about it. In the end they made concessions to add a couple more days for filming his scenes and approved some other minor requests that we asked for.  

We all stood around the parking lot chatting after the meeting. As Will pulled off his blazer, he huffed out a laugh while looking my way, “Remind me not to get on your bad side. I’d rather not be on the receiving end of that.” 

Dieter laughed and pulled me into a sideways hug, “Isn’t she fucking awesome?!?! I love it when she switches to boss lady mode.” 

Will laughed as he scratched at the back of his neck, “Well…next time I'm in a tight spot with negotiations, I know who to call.” 

I laughed, “Anytime, my friend.” 

After a few more jokes, we all got into our vehicles and headed toward our house. Will wanted to come over to spend some time familiarizing himself with Dieter’s self-care plan and learn a little more about anything else we felt like he needed to know so he could ensure he was doing what he needed to on his end of things going forward. He took it all very seriously, asking a lot of questions and taking notes as he went. The camera crew was there for this too, of course. There was a small part of me that hoped Ty got to see some of this footage, just so he could see how amazing his replacement was.  

Once we finished with that, Stephanie pulled the three of us in for quick individual interview sessions about the day's events. After that was done, Dieter spent some time with the crew, going over the schedule for the next few days. We didn’t have a whole lot going on until the premiere the following week, so their filming schedule would be pretty light. While he did that, I changed clothes and went downstairs to spend some time painting. 

It had been a while since I last painted, and I felt like I needed to do something to quiet my thoughts. My mind was in overdrive as I cycled through the last few weeks and the things still to come. After queuing up my classical music playlist, I got lost in the paint strokes as my brush moved across the canvas. I wasn’t painting anything in particular; it was mostly just abstract swirls and splashes of colors that seemed to match my mood. A mixture of light and dark, contrasting against each other. 

I was unsure of how much time had passed when Dieter’s honeyed voice greeted me from the doorway, “What are you up to, mi estrella?”     

I smirked before turning my head toward the doorway, finding Dieter’s handheld camera mounted on the stabilizer gripped in his hand, “Art therapy…What are you up to?”

He had a mischievous glint in his eye as he padded toward me. He wrapped the arm holding the camera around my shoulder, extending it out in front of us as he nuzzled into my neck from behind, “Everything ok? That’s some dark colors you have mixed in there.” 

He could read me like an open book at this point. I tilted my head, looking at the mess of colors, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just have a lot of uncertainty about how all this is gonna go. It makes me nervous. I think that’s where the darker stuff is coming from.” 

He moved to stand in front of me, studying my face. “Are you sure?” 

I gave him a small smile, “Yeah, I’m positive.”

His eyes narrowed as he considered my answer, finally deciding he believed me. He leaned in for a kiss as his free hand found its way to my cheek. It didn’t take me long to realize that his hand felt wet. I pulled back, now narrowing my eyes at him. His teeth bit into his bottom lip as he fought a smile. 

“You came in here just to cause chaos, didn’t you?” 

Dieter snorted, finally allowing a toothy grin to slide across his face as he drug his hand down my cheek, then a fingertip down my nose for good measure. Before he completely pulled away, I grabbed his wrist and flipped his hand to reveal the bright blue paint covering his palm and fingers, then pushed it away with a playful scoff. A fit of laughter bubbled up from his chest as he surveyed the large blue handprint on the side of my face. 

I turned away, picking up my phone to use the camera as a mirror. He had gotten me good. Dieter sidled up next to me, pressing his cheek to my paintless one and told me to take a picture. While he stood posing, I managed to dip my free hand in a bit of yellow paint within my reach and rubbed it around on my fingers and palm before reaching up to pull his face toward mine for a quick kiss, smearing the paint on the side of his face in the process. I managed to snap a somewhat blurry photo of it too. We snapped a couple more giggling selfies before he pulled away, still chuckling, “Damn…I guess we’ll both have to take a shower now.”

I rolled my eyes at him and smirked into my phone as I struggled to send the pictures to him with my one clean hand, “Yeah…you sound really torn up about that.” 

After sliding my phone into my back pocket, I moved over to the utility sink to wash my hands. Dieter quickly followed and wrapped his arms around me from behind, caging me in against the sink as he rubbed my soapy hands between his under the warm spray. He really had intended to cause chaos when he walked into the room and was succeeding. He continued to wreak havoc as he buried his face in my neck, no doubt smearing even more paint as he placed light kisses and whispered against my skin, “Eres un desastre. Voy a tomarme mi tiempo para limpiarte.” (You’re a mess. I’m going to take my time cleaning you up.)

My head fell back against his shoulder as he continued to trail his lips down my neck, “Hmmm…That’s beyond my current Spanish speaking skill level, but it sounds hot.”

I felt him smile against my shoulder, “How about I show you?”

Before I had a chance to respond, he shut off the sink and threw me over his shoulder - hauling me off toward the bathroom to shower. True to his word, he did take his time. Neither of us got out until the water ran cold.   

The following morning, I was dancing around the kitchen in one of Dieter’s t-shirts singing to the 2000’s greatest hits as I cooked breakfast. Dieter rounded the corner after his workout, phone in hand obviously recording my antics with a grin on his face. I indulged him for a minute before stopping in a fit of giggles as I walked over to give him a good morning kiss, “Please tell me you’re not putting that in the docuseries.” 

He chuckled as he leaned against the counter beside the stove, “No, that’s for my own personal collection. I don’t get to hear you sing enough.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Why is this a thing now? It’s really not that great. I don’t wanna make your ears bleed.”

He scoffed, “Whatever…I like it. That’s all that matters.” He paused for a moment, focusing on his phone with pursed lips. “Do you mind if I do a small photo dump on social media?” 

I shoveled the omelet I had just made onto a plate before setting the pan down and turning to him. “Is that a good idea?” 

Dieter shrugged, “I’m gonna check with Elaine first, but I think it’s ok. I haven’t posted anything since the infamous statement…and people know we’re together from that. So, I don’t think it’s gonna be a big shocker.” 

I crossed my arms and arched an eyebrow in his direction, “That’s fine with me. What pictures are you posting?”

He smirked as he sauntered closer and rubbed his hands up and down my arms, “Just some that the crew and I have taken while we’ve been filming…of us. I may even throw in one you took last night with paint all over us because they’re cute as hell.” 

My eyebrows drew down together, “So are you officially announcing the docuseries then?”

He shook his head before leaning in and rubbing his nose against mine, “No…just teasing…so they know something is coming.” 

The double meaning of Dieter’s words was not lost on me. I smiled and gave him a quick kiss, intentionally ignoring his suggestive tone. “Well, that sounds like a good idea. I’ve got work to do, but you let me know how that goes.”  

I turned to pick up a fork and the plate of food to hand to him, “Also…this is yours. I’ll see you after my virtual meeting.” I gave him another quick kiss on the cheek followed by a teasing smile as I walked toward the bedroom to make myself presentable. I could hear him muttering under his breath behind me the whole way. 

A short time after I sat down at my desk, my phone pinged with a notification that Dieter had tagged me in a post on Instagram. I sighed, opening the app to see what craziness he had just unleashed. I was surprised by a lot of the pictures, not realizing they had been taken. There were images of us doing our individual interviews, with the camera and lighting setup in view. Another of Dieter showing me how one of the fancy cameras worked. They gave off heavy behind the scenes vibes and definitely hinted that he was working on something. 

The others seemed to be screen shots of things we had filmed: me sitting on Dieter’s lap as we talked to Rylee just out of frame, the both of us sitting at the table on a call with who I assume was Dr. Rosenberg, us being flirty and embracing in the kitchen, and lastly, one of our paint-covered selfies showcasing our cheesy grins. My eyes shifted to read the caption, “My favorite love story is ours.” I couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across my face. He was so ridiculous and over the top and I fucking loved it.  

I scrolled through the images one more time. What stood out to me the most was that Dieter looked healthy and happy. It may not be evident to others, but I could see the newly ignited spark in his eyes. The sadness that once lived there was now completely gone.

I took a minute to log onto my virtual meeting. While I waited for others to join, I did a quick scroll through the comments. Surprisingly, they all seemed to be positive thus far. Lots of well wishes and compliments, along with speculation about the project Dieter was working on. I smiled to myself as I sat my phone down, knowing he would be happy the post had the intended effect.

The start of the following week got a little hectic. On top of my regular work schedule and filming, we had to prepare for the premiere. Elaine put us through some rather extensive coaching to help us through interviews. She and Will did a mini premiere boot camp with me so that I would know what to expect, mostly to relieve some of my anxiety about the whole thing. We also had to decide on what we were wearing and do final fittings. 

By the time Wednesday rolled around, my head was spinning. I knew I had to manage my anxiety so I could keep it together to be able to support Dieter. I could tell that whatever I was feeling, he was feeling ten times worse. He was having a hard time sitting still, full of energy and jittery with nerves as his team worked to get him picture perfect. I lost count of the number of times he was scolded for his nervous habit of touching his hair because it was prolonging the process. After he was finally ready, I sent him out of the room to try and relax while my hair and makeup was done. Luckily Will and Elaine had arrived by then to help keep him distracted.

Even though I had been dreading all the attention that would be focused on us, I was a little excited about getting dolled up in a fancy dress since it’s not something I often got to do. I had so many beautiful dresses to choose from, but I finally settled on a deep purple satin mermaid floor length gown. It was sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline and had rhinestone beading along the straps and the deep V of the back. It was form fitting but still very elegant looking. I wore my hair up with random loose curls hanging down and opted for more natural looking makeup. 

When I walked out of the bedroom in a rush to gather things into the small clutch that matched my dress, Dieter’s wide eyes locked in on me. His nervousness momentarily took a back seat while he looked me up and down. Once I realized he was staring, I paused my movements and smiled at him. Now noticing how handsome he looked in his all-white tux, black rimmed glasses, and artfully messy locks. He broke the silence first.  

“How the hell am I supposed to focus on answering questions with you beside me looking like this?”

I gave him a dismissive laugh as he walked over and placed his hands on my hips, “You look fucking amazing. This dress is…the most obscene…and modest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

His statement elicited several sniggers from his team and the camera crew. I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding under my hand as I leaned my forehead against his, “You look pretty fucking amazing yourself.” 

He smiled, sitting his hand atop of mine and squeezing it before placing a quick kiss on my temple. He pulled back, our eyes locked as we gave each other small smiles. Elaine cleared her throat, then asked if she could snap a few pictures for him to post to social media. Once she finished, she handed his phone back to him. He ended up choosing just one picture that we hadn’t even realized she had taken right before she drew our attention. He added the caption “She stole my heart, but I think I’ll let her keep it.” He started giggling like a teenager as he hit the post button. 

I gave him a questioning look as he turned his phone to show me what he posted. I snorted, “Elaine is gonna murder you. You’re so ridiculous.”

Dieter shrugged, as he continued to chuckle at my side. As if on cue, Elaine started chastising him, “Dieter, what the hell? Seriously? You didn’t even mention the movie premiere!” 

He shrugged before reaching to scratch at his chin, “Calm down woman, I’ll do another post later. Hell, I may go crazy and post a few stories too.” 

She sighed, “Fine. We need to get going anyway. I’ll see you there.”

Dieter and I loaded into a black SUV with one of the camera guys in the front passenger seat. On the way to the event, Dieter quickly became very reserved, and was alternating between bouncing his leg and rubbing at his thighs with his palms. Occasionally taking in deep breaths and exhaling slowly. After several minutes passed, his smartwatch chirped. He glanced down at it with a nervous laugh, “Apparently I have a high heart rate.” 

I reached over and grabbed his hand, hoping it would help him relax some. As we waited in traffic to get out at the event, he started spiraling. Reaching to undo his bowtie and pulling it off before undoing the top button of his shirt. I gave him a questioning look, now realizing he was breaking out in a sweat and his face was flushed. 

He glanced over at me, “I can’t breathe with that fucking thing on.”

Concerned, I turned to face him the best I could in the fitted dress, “Are you ok?” 

He shook his head, “No…my fucking chest hurts.” He scoffed, “I’m suddenly reminded why I used to drink or take stuff before going to these fucking things. This is the first time I haven’t in a very long time.”

I gathered both of his hands in mine as I took in his heavy breathing, “I think you're having a panic attack…turn to face me.”

He did as I asked without question, turning and pulling his knee up onto the seat and leaning his forehead against mine as I rubbed my thumbs into the palms of his hands with heavy pressure. “Close your eyes…take deep breaths for me. Focus on your breathing and nothing else.” I listened to his controlled breathing as I alternated between deep massaging motions with my thumbs and lightly grazing his palms with my fingertips to help ground him and keep him present. He shifted forward, nuzzling into my hair as he continued the deep breathing exercise. 

After he seemed to calm some, I moved one hand to gently rub at the nape of his neck, “Are you really sniffing my hair right now?” 

He chuckled but didn’t move, “Yes…leave me alone. It’s helping me relax.” 

I laughed as I moved to pull him into a hug, “You gonna tell me what has you so anxious?”  

“I’m just worried about the interviews. What if they ask me about what happened? I don’t wanna talk about that here.”

“Just divert the conversation back to the movie like Elaine told you to. If that doesn’t work, she'll be there to step in and cut it off.” 

I pulled away so that I could look at him. He appeared less flushed now, “Is that all that’s bothering you?”

He scrunched his nose slightly, “No…I haven’t really talked to anyone since filming, so I’m afraid it’s just gonna be awkward because they know what happened.” 

I reached to scratch my fingers through his stubble, “If they are…just ignore them. You’ve got me and the rest of our crew here with you. That’s all you really need.” 

Dieter smiled as he grasped my hand and moved it to his lips, “Thanks for coming. I don’t think I would’ve been able to do this without you here…I love you.”

I gave him a soft smile in return, “I love you, too.” 

The mood shifted after that. There was still a nervous energy in the air, but at more manageable levels. Which was a good thing, because within minutes we found ourselves exiting the SUV and queuing up to walk the red carpet. It was my turn to be nervous now. The thought of a wall of cameras snapping in my face was a little daunting. Dieter could sense my nerves, which led to him placing small comforting touches and praising me about how amazing I looked while we waited. 

Once it was our turn, it went by in a blur. It was very disorienting with all of the flashes and people yelling our names. I sort of zoned out through most of it. The only thing keeping me grounded was the feel of Dieter’s hand on the small of my back as he effortlessly led us into a couple of different positions and poses. 

The next step was talking with the press. Dieter managed to keep it together and started to visibly relax as we moved down the line, but he never seemed to loosen his grip on my hand. Thankfully, the closest anyone came to asking about what had happened was to question how he was doing and if he was excited to get back to work. When interviews were finished, we moved over to an area where fans were waiting so he could visit with them. I hung back with Will and Elaine even though several were yelling for me to come over as well, to my surprise. As we watched him snap selfies and laugh with the fans, I noticed Elaine was staring at him with an odd expression.

I leaned over to ask, “Something wrong?”

She gave me a playful look, “Do I even want to know why he doesn’t have his tie on?” 

I snickered, “Not because of the reason you’re thinking, I’m sure. He had a mild panic attack on the way over…said he couldn’t breathe with it on.”  

Her expression changed to one of concern. “He’s fine now I think…he just let his nerves get to him a little.” Elaine looped her arm with mine, smiling as we turned to watch Dieter work the crowd into a frenzy. The rest of the evening was smooth sailing until we got to the afterparty. There was a lot of alcohol floating around and some drugs too. We did well to ignore it, but it made me realize how hard it must be for someone in this business to recover from using those substances when it was such a constant in their environment. We ended up cutting the evening short because of it. 

As we were heading out the door, one of Dieter’s costars, Dominic, pulled him aside and asked to briefly chat in private. Elaine, Will, and I were on edge when Dieter stepped away, especially after all the things we had seen being passed around. However, to our surprise, Dominic only wanted to ask about Dieter’s treatment and the facility he had gone to because Dominic was thinking of going himself. Dieter had inspired him to finally take control of his life and not worry about negative perceptions. The fact that Dominic felt comfortable enough to approach Dieter to talk about what he was dealing with in detail meant a lot. Dieter gushed about it the entire way home, admitting that he now felt more confident than ever about his decision to do the docuseries. It only further encouraged him to be more involved in raising awareness about mental health.    

The following Saturday, we made our way over to Dieter’s house with the intent to pack up all of his belongings. Alex, Lauren, and Gabby also joined us. Dieter and I had made the decision to sell the place since he never stayed there due to the fact it made him feel incredibly anxious. I knew it was going to be a rough day because Stephanie wanted to go over what happened the night he ended up in the hospital. Dieter and I had discussed it previously, of course, but neither Gabby nor I had ever gone into the details with him. 

Stephanie started the interview session with Dieter first. As he recounted the events from that day the best he could, he was visibly becoming more and more anxious. The fact that he couldn’t remember a lot of the evening events always bothered him. The more he acknowledged that fact, the more fidgety he became. Once Stephanie was satisfied that she had gotten all she could out of him, she ended her questioning. The relief on his face was palpable as he moved down the hallway toward the bathroom. I followed after him to check in and he assured me that he was ok. I took him at his word as I turned to do my part of the session.

Once I was mic’d up and ready, Stephanie began by asking me about my encounter with Dieter that morning when I had literally run into him, then we worked our way through the rest of the day. I was able to fill in some of the gaps that Dieter couldn’t remember, like the phone call. Then we got into what happened after the call. It was hard to talk about in that much detail in the place where it happened. Everyone in the room was moved to tears as I described the state of the house and how I found him, the ride to the ER, and my subsequent breakdown once I knew he was in safe hands. 

At that point, we were interrupted by Alex who called out for me just as he rounded the corner from the hallway. His worried face snapped me back to the present. I didn’t even need to ask what was wrong because I knew - Dieter had been listening. 

My feet were moving before I realized, “Where is he?”

Alex motioned with his head down the hallway. The only light was streaming from one of the open doorways midway down. It was just enough to make out Dieter’s form sitting on the floor at the very end of the hall. His legs were crossed as rocked in place with his head down and palms rubbing at his face. This was not the sight I expected to find. It felt like my heart was breaking for him all over again. As I approached, he reached a hand toward me, pulling me down to straddle his lap. He wasted no time burying his face in my neck as he let the sobs break free. I sat hugging him, crying with him, and running my fingers through his curls until he had nothing left. Finally, he mumbled into my neck, “I didn’t know you were that bad. I’m so fucking sorry. I can never say it enough…I hate myself for putting you through that.”

I hugged him tighter, “Baby, I’ve told you, I would rather go through that a million times than having lost you. You wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. It was worth it.”

He raised his head to look at me with his red rimmed eyes and a deep crease between his brows. “I know, but damn, you didn’t tell me it was so bad they had you take something to calm down. I don’t know what I had in my mind, but it wasn’t that…”  

A fresh wave of tears pooled in his eyes, “I can’t imagine what you were feeling, especially during the car ride…and you were so fucking strong through it…You’re amazing.”

I gave him a sad smile, realizing all over again how close we had been to losing him. We sat hugging each other for a few minutes before I realized how quiet it was considering there was a house full of people. 

I mumbled into his hair, “They’re recording this aren’t they?” 

He turned his head to look toward the other end of the hallway, chuckling at whatever sight greeted him, “Yup, they totally are.”

I sighed, “I guess this is what we signed up for.” I shook my head with tight lips as I pulled away and moved to stand up. “Maybe you should go to another room and pack while Gabby and I finish up. I’m sure being in this house is making things a lot worse than they need to be for you right now.”

He nodded before I pulled him up off the floor by his hands. I called for Alex and Lauren to help him while we finished up with the interview sessions. Once that was done, the rest of the evening went smoother. Dieter was still a little on edge and not straying far from my side, but we got through it without issue. 

Between the footage that we had shot ourselves and what the crew had accumulated, there was plenty of content. The only thing that remained was for Dieter to sit down and cover all the other topics we hadn’t managed to touch on thus far. He was scheduled to do that the following week. He and I were both nervous about it, knowing that this last session would cover the topics that are the hardest for him to discuss. We met with Stephanie beforehand to give her an idea of the things he would like to cover so she could pre-plan her questions and the path of the conversation. 

As the crew made last minute adjustments for lighting and sound, Dieter sat bouncing his leg. The anticipation of the discussion to come sending his anxiety into overdrive. However, he managed to keep it under enough control to follow through.

Stephanie began by asking Dieter about his childhood and his relationship with his mom. He had almost a wistful expression on his face as he recalled how happy it seemed and how close he was to his mother before she became unwell. That led into details about how he had been the one to find her the morning she left them. Surprisingly, he didn’t censor his words or hold back his emotions as he went through the details that he had shared with me all those months ago. I was proud of him for being strong enough to do that in a room full of people and in front of a camera. It spoke volumes as to how far he had come. Stephanie decided they should take a short break after that so that everyone could pull themselves together after Dieter got through the story. Dieter stood from his seat and immediately came over for a comforting hug while I whispered my praises to him.

When they got back to it, Stephanie jumped in where they left off. Asking Dieter how he felt the trauma he experienced had affected his relationships as an adult. He chuckled sarcastically, “I’m not sure we have enough time to cover all that.” He paused briefly, swiping his thumb across his lower lip as he thought through his next words. 

“I guess it affected me in that I just didn’t have relationships? I was very closed off…emotionally…to everyone, including my family. I didn’t do the whole dating thing…I was too afraid of experiencing loss and pain…and I think part of me felt like I wasn’t worthy of being loved or having my own family. I knew I would fuck it up. So, I just didn’t do any of that…and even took measures to avoid it.” 

Stephanie’s brows drew down together, “What do you mean by that?” 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, “Well…I had a vasectomy years ago to remove kids from the equation since I was…engaging in risky behavior…sleeping around, doing drugs, drinking...all the things. I was an asshole and treated people like shit so they wouldn’t get close to me. I just made sure the conditions for it were never there. Then of course, I was doing whatever I could to numb my own feelings too. It was a miserable existence and…I felt dead inside, but I was ok with that for a long time. It’s what I thought I deserved.”   

“Do you regret having that procedure now?” 

He pursed his lips and shook his head, “Not really, it’s reversible. Not that I cared at the time…but I am thankful that’s an option…that the choice hasn’t been completely taken away because I was a fucking idiot back then.”

“Has your feelings about relationships and family changed since then?” 

Dieter smiled, “Yeah, I mean, I’m a completely different person now. My family is the most important thing to me, and I’m open to having and expanding my own. I no longer feel like I’m unworthy of being loved…I actually have a very positive mindset for my future now. I want to be happy and…I am.”

Stephanie gave him a small smile before continuing, “What prompted you to change your lifestyle and seek help?”

Dieter smirked, “Initially, I was afraid of losing the one thing I cared about, which was my career. It was all catching up to me and I felt like shit, physically…and was starting to look like shit too. That lifestyle does eventually wear you down. So, I stopped the heavy drugs and sleeping around at that point…started seeing a therapist, but I wasn’t one hundred percent committed. I was still drinking a lot, and emotionally I was all over the place…starting to withdraw and spend a lot of time alone…trying and failing to work on myself.” 

“When did you finally go all in on improving yourself?”

He was smiling now, “It took a long while for that to kick in, but it turned out that I just needed the right motivation.”

Dieter paused briefly to look in my direction with an even bigger smile. 

Stephanie interrupted our moment, “Care to elaborate on that?” 

He looked back toward her, “A week in New York for work changed everything for me. That’s where I met Talia in the restaurant that was in the lobby of the hotel where we were both staying. I sat down beside her at the bar. I didn’t notice her at first because I was caught up in my head about work stuff…but it didn’t take me long. I was enamored with her almost immediately. I had never…had that feeling before and it completely took me off guard.”

Stephanie gave him a soft smile, “Who initiated the conversation first?”

He chuckled at the memory, “Technically she did after she launched a full glass of water at me…by accident. I stood there a little dumbfounded for a minute while she cleaned it up. I was a nervous mess that whole evening and we sort of bonded over our anxiety…she had picked up on mine immediately. We sat and talked for a while after that, and I was taken with…how fucking witty and intelligent she was. I was literally hanging onto everything she said. I knew that night that I wanted something more with her, to be better for her. It was a foreign feeling, but I actually welcomed it.” 

Stephanie now had a wide grin on her face, “So did you guys exchange numbers that night then?”

Dieter laughed and I had to work hard to stifle my own laughter. He needed a minute to pull himself together, “Umm no. I wish we had…we uhhh, ran into each other a couple more times. I do admit that I may have been seeking her out though…but anyway, by like the third day we were purposefully spending our free time together. When I wasn’t with her, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. By the end of the week, we had uhhh…” 

There was a long pause as he smirked in my direction. I could only imagine what images were playing through his mind at that moment. “We had gotten pretty close…we had a super strong connection to the point that it was kind of scary for the both of us. When we woke up that last morning, I realized I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. It was so ridiculous though… I was running late for a meeting and couldn’t find my phone, so I gave her my number and told her to text me when she got back to LA. I left without getting her number, figuring I would have it later…but she never did text me. She totally ghosted me and actually deleted my number.”

Stephanie’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head with that revelation as she turned to look at me, “Wait…what?!?! Really?”  

I hid my face with my hands as I nodded. She turned back to Dieter, “So how did you two end up back together?”

Dieter continued with a small smile on his face, “Well, I was kind of devastated when I got back to LA and hadn’t heard from her. I went through all the emotions…relieved because being with her had been a lot emotionally for me to process but also sort of mourning the lost opportunity. My brother came over a few days after I had gotten back to check in with me and I was a fucking disaster over it. I knew her name and that she was a consultant, so he managed to find her contact information on her company website within like…two minutes and told me to call her. I had to leave to film a movie soon after that so I put it off…but the whole time I was gone she was all I could think about. It’s embarrassing to admit…but I don’t know how many times I called her office and hung up during those five or six months I was gone. I was so afraid she was gonna tell me to fuck off…”   

Stephanie was now leaning forward on the edge of her seat, completely engrossed in the story, “But you finally worked up the courage to make the call I take it?”

Dieter shook his head with a smirk, “No…I did not work up the courage to make the call…but when I got back to LA I randomly saw her walking down the sidewalk one day. I lost her before I could catch up, but it made me realize that something was definitely there, and I shouldn’t give up…So the next day I worked up the nerve to go to her office. I knew it would be harder to chicken out once I walked through the door. I uhh…showed up and asked if she was free for lunch. I literally thought my heart was gonna beat out of my chest, especially when I realized she looked pissed when she saw me…we did end up going to lunch and talking though. So, it all worked out.”

“So, then you guys were together after that?” 

Dieter rubbed the back of his neck and snickered, “Not exactly…Talia had gone through a pretty rough divorce right before New York, so she didn’t feel ready and I was still a mess myself, so we decided to just be friends. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it’s what she needed, and I was willing to wait for her until she was ready. We stuck to that for a long time…months.” 

He paused, taking a deep breath, and started to fidget nervously, “Things eventually started to evolve once I started opening up to her about some of the issues I was having. My sleeping problems were getting worse…to the point that I was having serious nightmares. After a couple of incidents where I had fallen asleep at her place on the couch and woke up in a sobbing mess, she made me stay with her. I know it sounds insane, but it didn’t happen when we were asleep together. After that, I just started staying at her place. It was the only way I could get sleep. After a few weeks of that…it just changed things between us I guess.” 

Dieter smiled sadly and looked down at his fingers as they twisted together, “Once it seemed to me that we were gonna be together, we took a trip to my parents' old place, and I opened up to her about my mom. At that point, I had never told anyone what happened. It was kind of a big deal for me to be that vulnerable with someone, but I trusted her…I also told her I was in love with her while we were there. It was so fucking hard for me to do, but the relief I felt after was amazing. We were full steam ahead after that until things fell apart while I was away filming in Canada.” 

Stepanie’s smile shifted downward, now giving him a sympathetic look, “Why do you think things started falling apart at that point?”

His jaw ticked to the side as he thought through his answer for a moment, “Well, I was having a hard time being away from Talia and my family…where we were filming was a fucking dead zone. It was hard to get calls… and on top of that there had been a lot going on with medication changes. I had known for a while that I was feeling off and that it was getting progressively worse which is why the doctors kept messing with the medication…adding more and adjusting dosage amounts. At some point…I think maybe three of four weeks after starting on an antidepressant, I completely spiraled. I wasn’t sleeping hardly at all, and my thoughts were becoming fragmented and negative. There was a lot of self-hate building up…”

Dieter paused for a moment, a crease forming between his brows as his eyes turned glassy. “I had somehow convinced myself that I was never gonna get better and I was ruining everyone else’s life with my shit. I thought maybe it would just be better…easier even…if I let the darkness have me. My moods were starting to become sort of erratic…to the point that I would black out from anger or just lose time when I would start obsessing over something. I started drinking…a lot…to try and numb things. It worked for a while, but I found myself needing to drink more and more for it to be effective. In the middle of all that, I cut everyone off and just sort of accepted that it was how my life was gonna be…that I couldn’t be fixed.”

Stephanie’s brows furrowed, “Were you still communicating with your doctors at this point?”

He scoffed, “Yeah, that’s the sad part. They just had this ‘it gets worse before it gets better’ attitude about it and stayed the course. Turns out, they were the problem. They had misdiagnosed me and had me on a medication regimen that I should not have been on given what was actually going on…it triggered mixed manic episodes. I really thought I was losing my damn mind those last few days before I ended up in the hospital. My psychiatrist thinks that I was experiencing both depressive and manic episodes simultaneously. My thoughts and feelings were all over the place…I would literally have like this crazy euphoric burst of creative energy and be bawling my eyes out through it. It was experiencing two extremes at the same time…I just wanted to make it stop. That’s how I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I just wanted to pass out and not feel anything for a while. I think at that point, I hadn’t had any real sleep in three days…at least. It was just too much.” 

“At what point did you realize you had been misdiagnosed?”

Dieter rubbed at his thighs with the palms of his hands, “The doctors at the hospital pointed out that I had something else going on. I mean, that wasn’t their area of expertise, but they did offer some good advice to my family and the decision was made for me to go to the treatment center in Arizona. I went willingly, but if I had refused it wouldn't have been my choice to make…you know what I mean? I was bad enough they could’ve done an involuntary admission. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I’ve ever had…the not knowing what to expect part. I was there for ninety days. The first few weeks were fucking torture…I was having withdrawals from the alcohol and the medication because they took me off everything so they could get a baseline assessment. Once they were finally able to do the assessments and came back with the bipolar disorder diagnosis, it blew my fucking mind. I actually felt hopeful after that…because we had a diagnosis and a plan. It took time, but I eventually started to feel what I assumed was normal. I went from taking half the fucking pharmacy to taking one prescription and a few supplements.”       

Stephanie’s eyes widened slightly as she processed that information. Then asked, “How are things since you came home from treatment?” 

Dieter took a minute to respond to that as he stared at the floor in thought, getting slightly emotional before looking back at Stephanie.

“Better than I could’ve ever imagined…probably better than I deserve after the way I treated everyone. I don’t think I could be happier, and I feel…whole. I’m closer than I’ve ever been with my family and Talia has been so fucking amazing with everything. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without her.” 

Stephanie smiled at his words, “Last question…why did you want to do this docuseries?”

Dieter chewed on his lip as he rubbed at his right palm with his left thumb. I knew what he wanted to say, and he was nervous about the repercussions it could have. 

“I’ve spent a lot of years in this industry…and I see how the topic of mental health is handled. It’s not taken seriously, or it has a certain stigma attached to it. Most of the time…the environment actually perpetuates the issue in a lot of instances. There’s no support or allowances for those kinds of things in most cases and you can quickly become an outcast in the industry when things get out of control. A lot of the time, they just wanna pump you full of prescription drugs to keep you going instead of getting to the root of the problem and helping you get better.” 

He paused briefly, letting out a slow breath before he continued, “After spending a lot of time with others in treatment, I realized that the stigma extends to outside the industry as well. It’s not just a Hollywood problem, it’s a society program. So, I really wanna work to raise awareness on it…to change people’s views and even help change the way mental health disorders are treated. It needs to be a holistic approach, not just a blanket treatment. Everyone is different and has different needs. Another thing is…the facility I went to focused on treating the family unit and not just the person who was experiencing a mental health crisis. The caretakers need support too. It truly does take a team effort for successful recovery…and I would really love to see the kind of treatment I received become the norm rather than the exception.”    

Stephanie smiled, nodding in approval at his answer. “Alright, I think that’s a wrap with you, Dieter. Talia, do you mind if we take a few minutes to discuss your role as the caretaker and the support you’re receiving for that? I don’t think we’ve talked about that at all.” 

I agreed, quickly shifting gears in my thought process. Dieter and I swapped places. He watched as Stephanie got in her last-minute questions with me. Even going back to have me offer input on the topics Dieter had covered. Once we finished, Dieter and I helped them pack everything up and said our goodbyes as they exited the house for the last time. As soon as the door shut, he turned to me with a nervous expression, “So, how do you think that last bit went?”  

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck as he hugged me around the middle. “I think you did amazing and I’m proud of you. I feel like it's gonna have a bigger impact than we can comprehend right now. I can’t wait to see how you guys edit everything together.” 

He chuckled, “Yeah, now the hard part begins.” 

I felt so much pride for him at that moment. We knew this could cause some waves and even affect his career, but he was willing to take the risk. Something told me that this docuseries had the potential to change a lot of things in his life and the life of others. I just hoped it was for the better.

A/N: This chapter ended up going in a different direction than I had intended, but I think I like this better. I really wanted to highlight how open and vulnerable Dieter was being about what he had experienced. He held nothing back and was willing to show the world what he was and is currently going through in relation to his mental health. There were definitely some raw moments captured for the docuseries that most people wouldn't want to share in his situation, but he’s all in. How do you guys feel about the docuseries? Good or bad idea? What do you think the outcome will be? Were you shocked with how Talia handled it and went all in with him? Talia is also officially out in the public eye now. How do you think she is going to handle that? Dieter is working double time to show how awesome she is and how much he cares for her. Don’t you just love his cheesy social media posts about her? 🤭😏 Rylee is back! Yay for that! Also, can I just say Will is amazing and suck it, Ty? I feel like that needs to be said. So, there is officially one chapter left and the Epilogue. I know, I know...I said that at the end of the last chapter. However, it’s true this time. Both of those have been written, I just have editing left. I plan to release them weekly until the series concludes. 😭 👉 In case you missed it, I do plan to cover the events of this fic from Dieter's POV. Which means you get a companion series from him, called The Light in the Darkness. I plan to work on that and Closed Position concurrently after this fic concludes. 👉 Just a reminder, The Knight & His Queen was posted over the holidays. This is a four-part series, and it has been posted in its entirety. It's another Dieter Bravo fic where our beloved trash panda takes a dive into the world of mystics, tarot readings, and love. Give it a read. It's fun, fluffy, and fairly angst free.

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[kairiscorner]

punk!miguel x shy!fem!singer!reader

—☆ kairi's note: i guess you could say this happens before this fic, it feels like it fits more there :') also why is miggy so hot when he's being cocky, i can't ALSO SORRY FOR THE CRINGY SPANISH TO MY SPANISH-SPEAKING BABES

he cackled loudly as he played a few tricky chords on his electric guitar for kicks, half-hoping to impress you and half-hoping you'd see that he isn't as talented as you give him credit for. he's cackling at the fact you were such a shitty liar. "oh, c'mon morra–you don't think i buy into your little lie, do you?" he asked you sarcastically as you looked at him all confused. "mig, i... i really don't think i'm a good choice for your vocalist's replacement, i-i really don't th-think..." you stammered, making miguel shake his head and smirk. he got up from his chair and leaned his face closer to yours all confidently. he chuckled as he gazed into your embarrassed, shy face as he kept walking towards you, with you walking backwards and bumping onto the wall behind you. "for a chick as pretty as you, like hell all those lips are good for is stuttering when i get this close to you." he teased you as he brought you against the wall and pinned his arm over you all casually, smirking all the while and chuckling.

"c'mon, chica... just this once. just this once, and never again. your friends keep gushing about how great of a singer you are, so c'mon bonita, entertain this pendejo's request for one night, por favor?" he asked you as he inched closer and closer to you, making you flustered as he gently presses his bigger, sculpted body against yours. "so cute and gentle... but that's not why i'm asking you to do this, chica–i can tell from just one look at you, you're born to be on that stage. you're mi estrella, my star, you're a little cutie that can steal their breaths by just looking at them all." miguel flattered you even more with the most confident smirk on his face. you hid your face behind your hands and shook your head. "i'm not trained for this, miguel, you can't honestly trust me to do this..." you protested, but it didn't work against miguel of all people. he sighed and gently wrapped his larger palms around your smaller wrists and slowly pulled your hands away from your face, smiling up at you all cheekily.

"and you know what's cuter than a morra who thinks she's all that?" he asked you with a gravelly voice as he brought his voice to a soft whisper, moving his lips close to your ear, practically kissing it. "a morra who's too shy to admit she's all that." he murmured, chuckling as he kept begging you to be the replacement vocalist for their band, promising to leave you alone after this. well... since he wouldn't leave you alone... "fine..." you muttered reluctantly. "...i'll do it." "you will?" he asked you with a gleeful tone, his eyes shining and his smile broadening. you felt shy and nodded, looking away from him. miguel chuckled and placed two fingers underneath your chin and brought your face to look at his. "you won't regret it, chiquita; everyone'll love you." he promised you. he went off to practice his chords, cheering you on before the performance were to begin, feeling excited and joyful that you actually agreed to this. he patted at his chest to quell his raging heart beat and smiled wider. "i know i already love you, querida, you just gotta learn to love yourself; and i'm more than ready to show you just what i love about you, mi estrella."

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

[wordsbyrian]

Overprotective - Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: Part 2 of Team Dad, in which R is an overprotective father.

A/N: This isn't the fic that I wanted to post today but I was an idiot who made the decision to write a 5th holiday fic the day before I post. So you guys get this one which was supposed to be for next week instead but that means 2 holiday fics next week. Also this is barely proofread so sorry about that.

Ever since it became common knowledge that you are the team dad of the Spanish national team, fans have been making a ton of videos showing off your most protective on-field moments.

To be honest, you find the whole thing to be a little ridiculous because any teammate worth their salt should make a fuss when one of their own gets taken down.

But, in all fairness, you might take it a little too far, especially if the number of yellows your mouth has earned you is anything to go by.

Currently, you find yourself in one of those exact situations as you get in the face of the Norse player who just took Pina off her feet.

You’re so focused on verbally tearing the player a new one that you barely register the combined efforts of Mapi and Patri to push you away from her.

Even when your club teammates, Maria and Vilde, come over you don’t cool it.

It takes the ref coming over and threatening to card you for you to walk away from the young Norsewoman.

“Try doing your job ref,” you tell her before walking to get in position.

Luckily Pina seems to be perfectly fine, more than fine in fact because less than five minutes after coming back on the field, she does what she does best and sends the ball soaring into the back of the net.

“La Estrella Bebe does it again,” you say, joining the group hug and patting her on the head, “Let’s finish strong girls.”

And you do, although when Patri gets taken down by the same Norse player that took down Claudia, you can’t help but run your mouth.

“Ref, you’re eyes, do they work,” you ask the center ref, “I’m seriously asking because I want to know. Usually, when someone puts their studs into an opponent's legs, that’s a card. So I’m just wondering.”

“Watch yourself, Y/L/N,” the ref says.

“What, it’s a serious question that I want an answer to because normally that’d be at least a yellow.”

For a moment, you think that your pleas have worked, watching as the ref begins to pull a yellow card out of her pocket. Those hopes are dashed when it’s shown to you instead of the Norsewoman.

“Wrong person,” you say walking away.

When the game ends, after you’ve apologized to Maria, Vilde, and their teammate, you’re pulled to the side for a discussion with your coach.

With that out of the way, you re-enter the locker room only to be greeted by the sight of your teammates recreating your outbursts.

“Ref, do your eyes work,” Leila mimics to the amusement of everyone else.

“Ok tonto, we get it, you’re funny,” you say taking a seat at your locker.

Your protective streak shows itself again later that week during a team outing to a nightclub.

And by this point, you’re certain that the universe really wants to see you punch someone over one of the younger players.

Why do you say that?

Because for the last 15 minutes, you’ve been standing in the corner watching as a guy blatantly stares at Laia and tries to subtly follow her around the dance floor.

Of course, you do realize that she can take care of herself but it's always better safe than sorry.

What you don’t realize is how hard you’ve been glaring at the guy, trying to get him to leave her alone with the power of your mind.

And you don’t realize it until you find yourself glaring at your girlfriend instead.

“Hi amor,” you say, leaning around her to keep your eyes on the strange man.

“Hola,” Alexia responds leaning into you, “What are you doing standing in the corner by yourself?”

Filling her in on what you're doing, you aren’t surprised when she rolls her eyes at you.

“You’re supposed to be having fun,” she says, pressing her body against yours.

“No, I’m supposed to make sure all of you get home safe, especially you drunky.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“You’re not drunk,” you repeat incredulously, “So it wasn’t you that untucked my shirt so that you could put your hands up it. A ghost did all that?”

It’s a good thing you weren’t expecting a response because the slightly painful way Alexia rakes her nails down your back lets you know you aren’t getting one.

Rolling your eyes, you pull her closer to you and try to relocate the guy who was watching Aleixandri.

And you do find him.

The only problem is that he’s apparently gathered up enough confidence to approach her and it appears he is not taking no for an answer.

Shaking your head, you unwrap Alexia’s arms from around you and begin walking toward them.

As you walk away, you can hear her yell something about not making any dumb decisions but you’re too focused to worry about the consequences of your actions.

When you get close enough, you place your hand on the back of the man’s neck and yank him away from the City player.

“Hey there, buddy,” you say, turning him around to face you, “This is the only warning I’m going to give you, leave her alone. Stop staring at her from across the room and if you value your ability to chew your food, do not approach her again.”

The idiot looks unimpressed and slightly confused.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that if I see you near her again, I will break your jaw so badly that you’ll be tube fed for the rest of your life,” you tell him, glare firmly planted on your face. “In fact, you might as well go home now because I’ll break your jaw if I see you talking to any woman for the rest of the night.”

He takes a step forward, trying to intimidate you, but the effect is ruined by the way his voice shakes when he says, “You can’t do that.”

“Do you want to test that theory,” you ask him, taking a step towards him in return.

By this point, a lot of attention has been drawn to the pair of you, so you’re not surprised when a few security guards make their way over.

“What seems to be the problem over here,” the taller one asks.

Shrugging your shoulders, you roll your eyes when the idiot begins speaking.

“The problem,” he says turning to the guard, “is that this woman has just threatened to physically harm me.”

“Is that true?”

“Of course not,” you lie, “Ask anyone, I did not say anything to him besides asking him to leave my friend alone.”

The people around you nod in agreement with what you’ve said.

Upon seeing this, the shorter security guard massages his temples and sighs heavily before speaking, “How come every time you come here we have the same problems, Jorge?”

He then grabs the idiot by the shoulder and leads him away. 

“So that guy regularly harasses women and he’s still allowed to come here,” you ask the remaining guard.

“His uncle is the owner,” he explains before walking off.

Taking a deep breath, you look over at Laia and see her laughing at something Patri said.

That doesn’t last very long though because you're approached by Jenni who informs you that it’s time to go.

It isn’t until you’re all walking back to the hotel that you learn that anyone heard what you said.

“Do you like to chew your food,” Claudia asks Aitana, recreating the way you pulled the man to face you.

“What are the two of you on about,” Leila asks.

“That’s what Y/N said to the guy who was bothering Laia,” Pina explains.

“No, it’s not,” Ona says, “It was more like this.”

You all watch as Ona stops in the middle of the sidewalk and puffs out her chest in a hilarious mimicry of you.

“Stop staring at her from across the room and if you value your ability to chew your food, do not approach her again,” she says, trying to make her voice sound like yours. “Then she was like, I’ll break your jaw and you’ll be tube fed for the rest of your life.”

You can’t help but laugh at the display because there’s no doubt that you looked that ridiculous while talking to that man.

“Y/N/N,” Alexia says, letting go of your hand, “Please tell me you did not threaten that guy from the club.”

“Alright, I did not threaten that guy from the club,” you say plainly, “I made him a promise, whether he felt threatened by it was out of my control.”

That gets you some laughs from the team but only earns you a glare from your girlfriend.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“None of us know why you’re surprised,” Mapi says. “Y/N spent the entire night standing in the corner like the overprotective papa she is.”

“I’m not overprotective.”

Unlike earlier in the club when everyone agreed with you, this time you’re met with various noises of disagreement.

“Alright, fuck you guys. I’ll just let creeps hit on you from now on.”

The response is as instant as it is simultaneous.

“No, you won’t.”

[darkmatternova]

Unfinished work of 2023

I think I’m gonna start doing this every year now, opening up the years with WIP that never got finished. I had a lot of ideas that I really loved and either the story changed or I kinda moved on from the piece cause I didn’t know where to go with it. But to be honest I may continue on with some of these in the future!

I didn’t post much last year due to my wedding in January, that and a job that has been sucking me dry ( in the process of looking for a new one), but here a bits and pieces of what was going on in my head during 2023

Top left: the name for this one was “Big Brother Sunday” and pretty much was inspired by Warp taking the boys out one last time before Estrella was born, Percy (the bigger kid) is telling orion (The little kid) how Warp did this for him too right before Orion was born.

Top right: this is actually a scene from a comic I had doodled and most likely this scene is gonna go a little differently. It was to kinda open up and explain how they worked together on the mission in private while still being “enemies” in front of everyone else (other than buzz and commander, they are part of the mission too), it was a sweet moment to kinda show the audience there was feelings going on between them >.>

Middle left: This one was actually supposed to be the cover to my story/ and also another song challenge, the song being Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer”.

Middle right: a re draw from a pic I started back in 2020

Bottom left: another Song challenge! This time for the song “Clean” by Taylor Swift. This one was to kinda dive into the topic of Warp’s relationship with his Ex Venus, who was abusive, and the feeling of him finally being able to move on from her, I still may continue on this one, I would love to make a animatic if I ever had the time energy.

Bottom right: Warp with Orion as a baby Lol

[rmoonstoner]

Poisoned Empanadas

***

18+

Warnings:

Nauseated feeling mention, dirty talk, making out, fondling, dry humping, fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, smut, biting scratching, overstimulation, voyeurism, masturbation, possiveness, emotional confusion, sexual confusion, sexual frustration, cream pie, angry and jealous boi, male masturbation, dubious consent?

***

Summary:

I think the warnings give it away significantly.

***

Chapter 7 - Empanadas de Cordero, Balearic Islands, Spain

This empanada has a yeast dough, made with eggs, lard/butter, flour, salt, olive oil, and lukewarm water. The filling of diced lamb and bacon,. You can put raw meat inside and bake it, but I prefer to roast the lamb in the oven first, or pan fry it with the bacon until crispy, then put it into the pastry, and bake that until golden and the dough is done. I like to brush a bit of the grease on top and sprinkle a bit of coarse sea salt on after, then bake.

***

You woke up in a dark room, your head on something soft, a nice smelling grey suit jacket? The room didn't appear to have any sort of windows, but there was enough light to clearly see it was a construction site, and that you were in an unfinished building. Tarps and ladders and equipment littered the floors, and yet it was eerily quiet. The only thing you could hear was your heart beat, and the faint sounds of the city that muffled from being a few floors underground.

"You sure did a number on yourself, mi estrella."

Your body went rigid as you heard that voice. You turned in the direction that it came from, seeing a man about Jake's height standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. One hand waved, and the jacket on the floor appeared in his hands, and tossed it over his shoulder, while the other was on the frame of the door. He had his sleeves rolled up, showing off his muscular forearms and that tattoo he had.

"J-Jake?" You managed to ask in a weak voice. He hummed and slowly walked over to you. He pulled out his phone and turned the flash light on so you could see him.

It took your breath away.

He was in that suit from your dreams. He looked so good and you were confused. Why was he dressed that way? Were his eyes glowing white?

"Si. The very same." He answered while grabbing you and bring you close.

"But you said you would be gone for a long time…" You almost whispered. His face softened up with a sad smile.

"I know. But I couldn't bear to be apart from you. I'm sure you got my messages. I deserve the lack of reply after how I left." He said in a murmur as he looked into your eyes.

"I was really going to leave you alone until tomorrow, but I happened to be in the area. I saw you, and… Well, I followed you. I saw when you got hurt. I saw it happen and I came rushing over when you went down. How's your head feeling?" Jake explained as he ran his fingers through your hair while he asked how you felt.

You closed your eyes and sighed. You missed his hands touching you like this, even though the voice in the back of your mind was telling you to yell at him, but you knew you wouldn't. Your happiness showed, because a bunch of smaller bubble like lights twinkled in the darkness of the room.

"I saw the messages. I was busy with superhero stuff." You mumbled back while closing your eyes. You felt dizzy and nauseous. The food you ate earlier was threatening to come back up.

"Right. Yeah…" Jake let out a deep exhale from his nose as he pinched the bridge of it.

"Look, I… I am really sorry…"

"Sorry? Sorry?!" You glared at him and spread your arms out. He just looked down at his lap, fidgeting with the snaps on his leather gloves.

"You're sorry. Right. I am sick of your shit, Lockley. I keep getting left behind. Like, look at you! Why are you wearing a bespoke suit?!" Your hands gestured to his clothing and he sighed again. You were shocked that his outfit matched the dream you had.

"Look, I… I should have told you what I really do at night."

"You're God damned right about that!"

"I deserve that. Well, erm… My boss is an Egyptian God."

"An Egyptian God?" Your glare softened and you blinked a few times. Jake nodded and pointed to his arm.

"This is his mark. It proves that I am in his service."

You made a face as you looked at his tattoo. You remembered asking Stephen about it, and he didn't say exactly what it was, but he was obviously suspicious about it. You knew he had lied to you about what it had said.

"What exactly does it say?"

"Uh, it s-says…" He nervously huffed while rubbing the back of his neck.

"It says; 'Rise and Live Again as My Fist of Vengeance. My Moon Knight. Property of Khonshu'." Jake's voice was flat as he translated the glyphs for you.

Your eyes narrowed and you squinted in the light that you produced. He looked like he was serious.

Very serious.

"You're not kidding, are you?" He shook his head and a mask slowly formed over his face.

You stared at his white eyes, the shoddy stitching over the one. You looked down his body, stopping to observe the fine, barely-there hieroglyphics that were printed on the expensive looking silk. You wondered what those said, as they covered the entire jacket, vest, tie, and pants that he wore.

"So you're… A knight of the moon?"

"Si. I am one of his knights. I personally go under the name of MidKnight."

"How many knights does Khonshu have?" When you asked that question, he frowned and looked away as he swallowed thickly. He fidgeted with his tie, and that's when you noticed gun holsters sticking out from under his arms on either side. He even had a couple knives on the back and sides of his belt.

"There are… There are three of us." He said softly as he looked back at you. You tilted your head.

"What are their hero names?"

"Mr. Knight. He looks like a white suited version of me. Then there is Moon Knight. He looks more… More like this-" As he spoke, his clothing changed to a darker suit. It now had a hooded cloak in white to match the white chest plate and bits of armor on his legs and arms. His mask became black, and only his eyes glowed in the void.

"- But his has a lot of wrappings and it's more traditional to the Egyptian culture."

"Wait. You have two suits?" You asked as your eyes looked over this one. This one was a lot more military in style. It was hard to imagine it covered in bandages.

"That's… Yeah. I get two suits. My fighting style is a combination of the other two, but a lot more brutal. I like having the tailored suit for certain missions, while this one has way more weapons." He chuckled as the suit changed back to the tailored one. The holsters all stayed in place.

"Wow. I see gun holsters and knives there. You hurt people?"

Jake slowly looked at what you were talking about. There were two handguns in each holster, and knives in each sheath.

"Si. I don't fuck around like the others do. I get the job done."

"Well you look like a new aged mobster."

"That's the look I was going for, mi estrella."

You both fell quiet as he shifted on his feet. As the seconds ticked by, he became even more fidgety. His gaze kept going to look out the doorway and down the hall.

"I like your costume. It looks beautiful and sexy on you. Muy caliente." Jake's voice had dropped a few octaves.

Your senses went off, not the Spider ones, but the sudden arousal that came on with the way he spoke to you. You could feel your body reacting to him the way it used to. Your nipples hardened as a shiver ran through your body. Even the way he was looking at you with his mask on his face and that suit on his body was turning you on. You could feel the slick forming between your legs, which caused you to shift uncomfortably.

***

Miguel had followed the man that had you all the way to an abandoned construction building. He was quiet as he slinked around after you, waiting for an opportunity to get you back without any more harm coming your way. He assumed that the kidnapper would be taking you to the upper levels, but he was surprised when the man went downstairs instead, and into an empty office-like room. It had cubicles, but nothing else. Bits of building supplies and garbage from the workers, but nothing really.

Miguel decided to go around and see if there was another entrance to that room. Maybe the hallway went all the way around it? He was stealthy as he ran down the hall and around the corner. He found another door, and luck was on his side, because the door wasn't even on the hinges in the frame yet. It was propped up against the wall beside it. It gave Miguel a bit of cover to look inside the room.

He saw a flash light and heard talking. He clearly heard you say 'J-Jake?' And his blood boiled. Miguel was careful to creep up as close as he could get, just a cubicle behind you and your captor.

The captor was apparently your ex-boyfriend. Miguel covertly peeked through a crack in the cubicle wall, eavesdropping as he controlled his breathing. He was floored to see the man in his dream was really your ex by the way he was dressed. Miguel listened to you to talk and he watched as Jake touched you.

Miguel wasn't happy to see that. He also wasn't happy to see your distress at being somewhere you didn't know, with your ex no less. Your mood shifted a few times as Jake explained that he was actually the Avatar for the Egyptian God, Khonshu.

When the talk about the weapons started to happen, Miguel's heart began to race. He didn't like guns or knives. His powers didn't help him much with those things. Sure, he was fast and dexterous, but he was still just learning how they worked.

Miguel didn't know this guy, or his attitude, except for what you had already told him. He could be trigger happy, and if he was a servant of a God, he probably had powers to go with it. Miguel cursed to himself. He didn't know much about the Gods of the past. Any of them, really. He only knew about a few, the ones he had purposely researched, like Thor and Loki.

"I like your costume. It looks beautiful and sexy on you. Muy caliente."

Jake's words brought Miguel out of his thoughts. While the man was right, you did look very hot, beautiful, and sexy, but he didn't have a right to just come in and shower you with flirtatious compliments like that. Not after what he did to you. He felt guilty that he hadn't warned you about him, earlier. Miguel wasn't even a hundred percent certain it was him. He just assumed the cabbie was. He fit the description that you had given him, despite not seeing his face. He had heard his voice and that nickname, and just knew it had to be Jake.

Miguel desperately hoped you would tell him you were fine and that you needed to go. He waited as he watched Jake kneel before you again. You stared at him, just like a deer caught in the headlights.

***

Jake was making you blush as he got down to your level and grinned. You gulped and scooted back a bit, only for him to grab your ankles and yank you right up flush against his body. You squeaked at the sudden action, your legs wrapping around his waist instinctively. He pushed his face into your neck, his mouth by your ear.

"Mi amor…" Jake groaned hotly. That mask of his faded away, allowing his mouth to press against your skin. You could feel his hot breath tingle your ear and you could smell liquor and weed all over him.

His hands glided up your legs and to your waist where he gripped your hips tightly. He grinned and pushed you hard against him as he bucked upwards. That drew an involuntary moan from you as fire filled your belly and you became dizzy once more. You could feel his cock through the layers of fabric. He was hard and stiff, hot and pulsing.

"J-Jake... I…" You tried to speak, but his mouth hit a particularly pleasurable spot, and you moaned loudly as you dug your nails into his shoulders.

"I missed you so much. I thought about you everyday that I was away. I know it's hard doing what we do, and you do it here, in this big and dangerous city. I should have told you what I did. It was wrong of me to shield you from that. You had every right to know, and every right to help me if you wished. I am so sorry…" His husky voice started to spill forth the romantic word vomit confessions. His hands had moved quite quickly, and he was far more impatient than in the dream.

You had forgotten how straight to the point he was.

Speaking of points, you could feel his clothed cock nudge at the thin fabric of your suit. The action made you shudder and sent your hips bucking against him. That drew a deep groan from deep within his chest. The sound was carnal, and it shot a bolt of electricity through your body. You ached for him. Every nerve in your body was set on fire, receiving every pleasure response and turning it to overdrive.

And just like that, you had forgotten about the break up. You forgot that you sold or gotten rid of everything he had given you. You forgot that you moved out of his house and into the Sanctum. You forgot about the plan you had explicitly discussed with the wizards and the Spiders.

Alas, when you looked at Jake's face, all you could see was Miguel's.

You could even smell Miguel's scent quite strongly. You weren't sure if that was because you had spent the night fighting crime with him, but it smelled like he was right here in the room with you and Jake.

Were you hallucinating?

That's when the odd nagging and persistent feeling that this was wrong started to rear its ugly head. You should be stopping this from happening.

You turned your face away from Jake, now looking at the cubicles for an escape route as you tried to calm yourself and your breathing. Jake took that as a sign to lean down and go back to your neck, but on the other side from where he started. You squirmed while making a face that read clearly as trying to ignore the pleasurable feelings. It wasn't helping you any that Miguel's scent had somehow gotten stronger and more pungent since you first noticed it. It made your pussy ache with the position you were in.

You were confused.

You were very horny.

You didn't know what to do.

You didn't know what you wanted.

You missed Jake so fucking much.

You didn't want your friends to be disappointed in you.

You didn't want Miguel to think you were weak.

Jake was being very convincing, touching you in all the right places as he ground himself against you. You whimpered and moaned, then tried to push him gently. You tried to turn over to crawl away, maybe tell him to stop, but every time you opened your mouth, Jake would kiss you with a heated passion, like he was dying of thirst and you were his oasis to drink his fill from.

He somehow finally got the hint you wanted to flip onto your hands and knees, but he misread the signs badly. His hands shot out to grab at your hips and he went back to dry humping you like you weren't just trying to escape.

"J-Jake…" You tried to say his name to get his attention, yet it came out as a breathy whisper as his hand dipped into the juncture between your thighs.

"Mierda, you're so wet. You've soaked through your suit." His words made you shudder as his thumb glided over your clit. Jake was wearing the widest grin as he bucked into you. You exhaled as he pressed his gloved fingers against your opening, pushing the fabric in a bit. You mewled for him while his fingers stroked your swollen slit. His other hand came around and down between your legs to grab at your thigh. His fingertips moved, and he let out a chuckle as he found a hidden zipper flap along your inner thigh. The simple touch sent even more jolts of pleasure to your aching core along with the way he was touching you with his other hand.

"Ayo, what's this, then..?" Jake leaned down to whisper in your ear as his thumb found the tiny pull tab and flicked it a few times.

"What's this for? Is this a pocket?"

"N-no… It's, a-ahhh, Jake… It's the zipper for w-when I n-n-need to go to the bathroommm…"

"Oh, my… That's perfect." He groaned and bit your ear lobe. You gasped, feeling his dexterous fingers grab and tug at the zipper. He stopped with his other hand and pulled the fabric away from your skin as he kept unzipping your suit from one thigh to the other.

"Jake, wait. I- ahhh…" Again you tried to speak, to say he needed to hold on so you could discuss things with him, things like boundaries, but he was faster than you.

His fingers had dived into your cunt so fast, you couldn't even finish your sentence and only a strangled moan came out. Obscenely wet sounding noises filled the room as Jake plunged two fingers into your dripping hole while his thumb went straight to your clit. He rubbed where ever he could reach, both inside and out, and somehow managed to find both spots that triggered you to lose your fucking mind.

A long and animalistic moan erupted from your lips as you saw stars. Your eyes had rolled back into your head as your chest fell to the ground, cheek pressed to the cold cement floor as Jake expertly fucked you with his fingers. The scents of the room made your head spin. Jake's and Miguel's, so fucking strong, yet you were only aware of Jake's presence. Drool started to leak from the corner of your mouth as you came and shook.

Images danced in your head of both Jake and Miguel. Your mind couldn't quite decide what it liked more, but you felt like it wasn't fair to Jake. He had no idea that you were picturing another man doing this to you while it happened with him.

Apparently all the noises you were making only fueled Jake's desire more. You could feel one of his hands leave your backside, followed by the unmistakable sound of a belt buckle jingling and a metal zipper being pulled.

"That's my little star. So fucking beautiful."

You should have been panicking, but your body responded by jutting your hips out, presenting your aching need to him as you keened for him to continue.

"Just look at how wet you are for me... All for me." Jake growled as he stared into the darkness of the room, a wicked smirk on his face as he licked his lips.

***

Miguel was awestruck. He couldn't peel his eyes away from the filthy scene that was unfolding before his very eyes. There you were, being man handled by your ex, and you weren't trying to stop him.

A part of him, specifically his hard and throbbing cock, forced him to stay silent as he continued to peep at you through the crack in the cubicle walls. He felt guilty watching you in such an intimate manner, without your knowledge or consent. He told himself he was watching to make sure you were safe and that you wouldn't get hurt, but he fucking near better. He sucked in a breath when you moaned for Jake and he bit his lower lip.

"Mierda, you're so wet. You've soaked through your suit."

Those words hit Miguel harder than they should have. His cock twitched at the mention of just how wet you were. He could smell it wafting off of you and he was starting to drown in it. Jealousy was welling up inside of his chest.

He didn't quite see the desperate look on your face that showed you wanted to get away. Miguel misread that expression as arousal, which quite frankly it was a confused arousal, but arousal all the same. Even when you tried to turn over and get away from Jake, Miguel saw that you were trying to make it easier for the man to have his way with you.

More jealousy and arousal pooled through him as you were tugged against Jake and he pushed himself against you in slow and hard thrusts.

He watched as the other man slid his fingers along your groin, pressing them in, stroking up and down as you moaned. Jake found the zipper and he asked what it was for. You told Jake they were for easy access to using a bathroom without having to disrobe the entire suit, not for this…

This debauchery that was happening.

But now that Miguel knew what those fancy little zippers were there for, he couldn't stop thinking about them. He couldn't stop thinking about how easily you were being seduced by a man that broke your heart with barely a thought to you, when he was there and could offer you all of his spare time, which was a lot of it now that he was a Multiversal refugee.

A small growl came from him as his hand slowly wrapped around his erection through his suit. He gave himself a heavy squeeze as he watched Jake probe at you and unzip your suit. He went slack jawed when he saw Jake grab at your hips and dive his fingers in.

Your reaction was down right delicious.

Just watching how you came undone, dropping to the floor and crying out. That sinful sound made his cock throb and ache. He was now at the point of pulling it from his suit and stroking it in time to the squelching noises that were echoing through the room. Miguel glanced down at his dick in his hand and he could see that it was weeping generously with precome, dripping to the floor and throbbing steadily at every noise you made.

Thoughts of having you in that position clouded his mind as he swept his thumb over the head of his cock. He groaned as he squeezed himself and tugged a bit faster and harder, his balls twitching. Miguel inhaled the smells, and it made him harder as he realized the strongest one was yours. Watching you squirm and shake was making him wish was there instead of Jake.

Movement caught Miguel's eye. He witnessed Jake go for his pants and undo them in a swift motion. The sound of the metal made Miguel's head spin. You were really going to just let this guy have his way with you?

As upset as the thought made him, he continued to watch in morbid fascination. He wanted to know what you looked like while getting railed.

"That's my little star. So fucking beautiful."

Miguel could hear that delicious little whimper that came from you. He saw how you responded to everything. How you were shaking and holding yourself, ready and waiting for Jake to put his cock inside of you.

And then he saw it.

He witnessed Jake pull himself out and slap your ass and pussy with it a few times, the wet noise of skin on skin, your moans, and of course, the feral growl Jake was giving off as he spoke to you.

"Just look at how wet you are for me…"

Miguel groaned at that, giving himself a good stroke as he cupped his balls and gave them a tug. He completely missed the sudden shocked expression on Jake's face that vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

But he didn't miss the way Jake slowly turned his head in his direction, mid-sentence, and grinned wickedly, right at Miguel as Jake's eyes glowed that unnatural white.

Miguel froze and held his breath.

Jake had seen him.

He had to have.

There was absolutely no reason for him to look, otherwise. Miguel waited with baited breath, fully expecting Jake to stop and come at him, but instead, he kept speaking, not letting on to you that he knew someone else was there.

"... All for me."

Jake growled the words as he positioned himself at your waiting hole and slapped your ass with his gloved hand. The sound of it combined with your yowl of pleasure rang out and hit Miguel's ears, making him throb again.

His hand twitched as he witnessed Jake push into you. The way your mouth dropped open and how your back arched as you pushed back to get him deeper, made Miguel grip himself tighter. He could tell that Jake gave no fucks that someone was here, watching him dick you down.

Was he even aware of which one of your friends that Miguel was? Surely he had seen Miguel with you earlier…

Oh God.

He probably did see Miguel! He was with you all night, right up until you went down.

Jake was doing this on purpose.

He was still staring right at Miguel as he moved his hips slowly and deliberately. You kept squirming, panting as Jake ran his palm up your spine and over your suit. Miguel watched, fascinated as you keened and arched even more.

He loved how flexible you were.

"This pretty little pussy missed me that much, huh? Fuuuck. You're the best little cunt this body is ever gonna have."

Jake cooed to you gruffly. His eyes never left the direction where Miguel was.

"Do you know what you do to men like me? You drive them up the fucking wall, mi estrella."

He gave you an extra deep thrust as you panted and pushed back.

"You are so fucking sexy. So tight and hot. Mierda… "

He groaned the words as he snaked his fingers around your neck, giving it a squeeze, right before he pulled you up off of the floor and flush against his chest.

"I love this pussy, and I love you."

Jake said roughly. He started to pick up the pace while his hand slowly moved his fingers up to cup your chin. He turned you to face him and kissed you hungrily, his gaze not once leaving Miguel's.

Jake's hand went to your stomach, and he pressed down as he slammed into your gspot repeatedly. Your vision came back to you, and for a split second, when you looked over at the cubicles, you thought you could see Miguel's mask in the small space between the panels. Your pussy contracted when your eyes landed on one of his eyes, staring right back at you.

"M-mig-gueeel…"

A silent moan escaped your mouth. It was far too quiet for Jake to hear it, with him taking it as sexed out jibberish.

Yet Miguel heard it clear as day. He almost thought he had imagined it, but when Jake bit down into your neck, you wheezed his name again.

"Oh god… Mi-mig-Ahhhl."

In that moment, Miguel witnessed you crack again when an intense orgasm rippled through you. Your body shook, hands gripping Jake's hip and arm, your walls clamping tightly around Jake as you moaned loudly. Jake stilled for a moment while the spasms rocked through your body. You shook for a bit, then collapsed limply in Jake's arms and he held you close to him.

"That's it, hermosa. Te amo… Your walls are squeezing me so good. I could just about pop with the way you're digging your nails into my skin."

Jake leaned down and started to mouth at your neck as he pounded into you harder. You couldn't really see anymore as everything was blurred and full of dots. And there was Jake, bringing you right back to that peak so soon after jumping off. You didn't even fight it.

Miguel couldn't look away. He heard you say his name.

Not once, but twice!

He couldn't begin to describe how that made him feel. You were getting fucked and shown the time of your life, being ravaged by your ex, yet you called out for him.

Him!

The fucking idiot didn't even realize you had done it and just kept going. Miguel groaned, no longer caring that he had been seen, and that you had shown this moment of weakness. The point was, that you hadn't realized you saw him and you didn't know he was there.

And you called out his name, not Jake's!

He gripped himself tightly, stroking and pumping his fist while he watched your face contort and change rapidly. He closed his eyes, picturing himself with you, trying harder as if to make it real, just like in the dream.

The images of you with him made him feel like his life wasn't just a shit show. You made him feel like he belonged somewhere, like he didn't exactly wish to go home. Not anymore. Not only were you beautiful and strong in his eyes, you were smart and funny. You trusted him right away, regardless of the fact that he looked and sounded like Jake.

(Of whom by the way, Miguel would never trust with a ten foot pole with what he had found out about him, and his superhero persona.)

That trust had very quickly melted into infatuation. Maybe it was the slight obsessiveness of watching you and researching all about your Spider-sona. Maybe it was the fact that you were just simply nice to him and treated him like a person that mattered. Either way, he didn't like what Jake was doing. He didn't like the image of you with that man. He decided that Jake didn't deserve you right after meeting you, and seeing this scene play out made him angry that it wasn't him.

Miguel pictured you underneath him, in the same way Jake had you, and he felt his balls twist and pulse in his hand. Just the thought of waking up to your face every morning sent a shudder through his spine. Picturing that leading to morning sex and the loving words of affection that he'd murmur to you.

***

You were soaring so high on that feeling. Everything felt far too good. You hadn't been with anyone since the last time Jake graced your bed chambers, which was on the morning that he had left. Even that little tidbit didn't stop your happiness. You had Jake back now, and he said that he loved you!

More than once!

Maybe he would stay for a while. Maybe he would make things up to you. Maybe you could go back to the way things were, before he packed his bags and left…

***

Miguel was there.

He felt his orgasm coming and he panicked for a split second. He didn't have anything but his suit to catch the mess. In a quick act of thinking, he used his webbing to try and prevent that mess from occurring. His orgasm finally hit him hard and he shoved his fist into his mouth, biting down hard and breaking the skin as he filled the makeshift cloth he had made.

***

You inhaled sharply when Jake groaned loudly and he gave you one last hard and brutal thrust, before he came inside you. You gasped, feeling his spend spurt into you in thick gobs that quickly filled you to the brim and began to trickle out and down your thighs. As he shuddered and kept singing how much he loved you in his native tongue, he rutted and stirred your insides. He was trying to prod you as deep as he could while he emptied every last drop that he had.

Heavy breathing from both of you filled the room. Your heart beat thundered for what seemed like forever, before it slowed as you came down from your high.

Then that quickly trickled away into awareness.

What stopped your happiness and sheer joy, was the sudden image of Miguel's disappointed face appearing in your mind. How you expected him to scowl at you and scold you for what you had done, and how you let him, no, the entire team down for allowing this sleazy mutt to come crawling back into your life.

You realized what you had let happen, and you felt suddenly awful about it. Jake was panting and rubbing your sides as he kissed your neck where he left his mark. He whispered his apologies and held you tightly, rocking back and forth with you, with him still buried deeply inside of your still throbbing cunt.

You closed your eyes, listening to him mumble his thanks and affection to you. The feeling of him fucking into you desperately was both comforting and agonizing, and now that it was over, you sat there filled with regret. You felt the tears welling up behind your closed eyes and you held back the sob from coming out.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now?

***

Miguel was also in that predicament. He felt terrible for what just happened. He should have shown himself at the beginning and stopped it, but he didn't have the nerve to interfere when you hadn't been aware he was even there to begin with. He was too focused on watching the way you acted while being intimate, and he was not disappointed. He was disappointed it wasn't with him. He was disappointed that he had been a lecherous voyeur.

He looked down at the ruined webbing and made a face. It was a terrible idea, the webbing mixing with his come and creating a globby dripping ball. He saw his mistake. In his haste, he didn't make it tightly sealed. He quickly fixed that problem, by just covering the glob with more webs, until it no longer leaked. He smiled triumphantly and gave one last look at you, seeing your face.

He frowned.

You did not look happy.

You looked like you were going to cry.

***

"Galaxy-Spider!"

You suddenly heard your name being called. It sounded a lot like Gwen's voice. It was far away, like it was coming from the floor above you, her voice echoing down through the venting. You nudged yourself out of Jake's grip and stumbled sideways, hand going to brace yourself against the concrete wall. You huffed and looked down, frowning at the sight.

Your suit was wrinkled in all the wrong places. It had dirt and dust all over it. You were sure there was a tear or two from where you were hit in the head, and of course, when Jake had gripped it so hard. You could see the zipper was okay, and you prayed to the Gods it would zip back up.

"Where are ya, girl?!"

You heard Miles and he sounded closer than Gwen was. You panicked, because he was such a sweet young man, just barely of age. He didn't need to see you like this.

Looking further, you bit your lower lip when you saw the bruises from the night forming on your thighs. Some from patrol, but most of them from Jake. Your eyes flicked to your mound. It was a mess, come dripping down and streaking your legs. You inhaled sharply in an attempt to calm yourself, but all you could smell was spunk and sex.

"I know you're in here! I tracked your phone down!"

Peter yelled. His voice was coming down the hallway and around the corner.

Clean.

You needed to get clean enough to be presentable to the team. Clean enough so that no one would know what just happened. Maybe Jake would just go away after this, and you could pretend it never happened.

In a swift movement, you turned to look at Jake. He was still sitting, but now lazily leaning against the wall. He had one knee up, an elbow placed on it, while the other leg was outstretched on the floor. He had made absolutely no attempt to put his dick away or clean up, and instead, had gone for his cigarettes. He lit one and sighed, looking at you with a pleased grin. You didn't give him any sort of positive expression. You merely leaned down and plucked the pocket square out of his jacket, and began to clean yourself up.

Wordlessly, you did the best that you could to get rid of his evidence on you. You stared at the cloth for a moment and then looked at his face. He knew exactly what you were asking for. Another cloth, which he did not have.

"Use it more if ya have to. Heh." He laughed and shrugged, then waved his wrist as the fabric became clean again.

"I wasn't aware that you were a wizard." You replied as you again went back to cleaning, doing a much better job this time.

"I'm not. My suit is self cleaning. That's part of it." He replied and took a few more puffs of his smoke.

You could hear the voices of your teammates getting closer. It was sending more panic through you. It was even worse that you didn't hear Miguel's voice along with them. Did he run away and leave you to perish?

***

Miguel was moving away, retreating out the exit he came in. He knew the hallways went all the way around this room, so he doubled back, dropping his little webbed up package down a garbage disposal unit in the wall, then he went towards the opposite end of the building that Peter and the other Spiders were. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, checking himself in a pane of glass to see if he looked okay, then turned towards where he had just come from.

That's when he started to call out your name.

***

"I can use Khonshu's power to clean the suit. If I didn't, it would be red and dark brown all the time." Jake explained. As he spoke, you could hear the muffled sound of Miguel's voice calling out to you. You threw the pocket square on the floor next to Jake, then went about fixing your suit and doing it all back up again. As you did that, you saw that Jake grabbed the cloth and stuck it into his pocket, without cleaning it.

"Then why did you always come home filthy and stinky?" You asked, and again, heard Miguel shout out for you. He was much closer, maybe just down the hall.

"The suit is self-cleaning. It heals me and cleans itself on command. It doesn't bathe me." Jake's answer sounded almost sarcastic, but you could tell he was being truthful.

"Ah. I see. I wish I had a self-cleaning suit."

An uncomfortable silence permeated the room. He just kept puffing away slowly, not moving much as you heard footsteps and Miguel's voice getting closer.

"Put your dick back in your pants."

"My friends don't need to see that shit. And maybe put your mask on and get the fuck to your feet. They know what you look like, but they don't know that you're one of the knights of the moon." You snapped at him, and he scoffed while rolling his eyes.

Jake took one last long drag from his cigarette, then crushed it between his fingers, leaving the bits on the floor. He reluctantly did as you asked, tucking his cock back into his boxers, then standing up to do his belt and pants back up. Just as he did, Miguel got to the room, calling out one last time.

"I'm in here!" You called back with a hoarse voice, then mouthed at Jake to put his mask back on. He did that as well, and didn't say a word as Miguel came strolling into the room and stopping at the doorway.

"Ah, there you are. Are you alright?" He asked as you fidgeted with your hood. You were trying to hide a tear by your neck where Jake had gnawed through the fabric. Miguel's eyes darted to Jake's and he frowned behind his mask. Jake didn't speak, and he crossed his arms and stayed against the wall.

"Y-yeah. A little shaken. MidKnight here helped me out." You motioned to Jake with both hands. They were slightly shaking, as was the rest of you.

Miguel reached out and grabbed your shoulder gently, then tugged you towards him. It was then that your friends arrived through a third side entrance in the room. They watched as Miguel made a show of inspecting your head and when he was finished, he gave a grunt of approval.

"Okay. He's done his job, then. I'll take you from here." Miguel's tone was firm, like he wouldn't allow any sort of protest. Jake just shrugged.

"Fine. Whatever. I'll see ya around, Galaxy-Spider." Jake replied as he picked up his jacket and put it on. He turned away and left, not a sound coming from him as he waved one hand up in the air and sauntered away.

Miguel felt your entire body relax the moment Jake was out of sight. You slumped against him and yawned as you rubbed your eyes. The others started to rapidly ask if you were okay, and what had happened. You barely heard them as you buried your face into his shoulder, trying to shrink away. His heart panged for you, realizing that you didn't exactly give Jake any sort of consent. Jake just took what he wanted from you, with barely any thought of your mental and emotional well being. Miguel could tell you were done for the time being.

You needed rest.

Miguel didn't have the heart to tell you he watched what happened. Instead, he hoisted you up into his arms and turned away from the group.

"She had a nasty blow to the head. She needs to see the doctor and rest." While it was true that you took a hit to the cranium, he knew you were fine. At least physically, anyways. He was hoping you might have the courage to tell Stephen what happened. He felt that it wasn't his place to say anything just yet. He would take you home, talk to the doctor, then stay with you until you awoke.

***

Series Masterlist

***

Notes:

I made my self so god damned fucking horny writing this chapter and I can't even bang my husband, because of his hip surgery! Please enjoy this and comment! Comments fuel future writings.

This Jake is very proficient with moulding and shaping the suit to his will. I really enjoy him being able to have Steven's suit in a dark grey and shades of black, or the one we see in the comics.

***

Special thanks to:

Beta readers/Ideas:

@einno-arko @theaussiedragon

Proof reader:

@iceclaw101

***

Tags:

@theaussiedragon @autismsupermusicalassassin @readingfan @missdragon-1 @marvelescvpe @lunar-ghoulie @cicithemess2000 @animesnowstorm @mahbeanz @dafuqelaine @bby-lupin @paranoiac-666 @konniebon @cl0v3r-s0up @seraphine-so-pretty @jupitersmoon167 @butterflypillows @ivystoryweaver @mintellaine @bxdbxtxh15 @badbishsblog @cleothegoldfish @xxmadamjinxx @bitchyexpertprincess @sakurayuki8655-blog @jklkverr @jkthinkstoomuch @oscarissac2099 @neteyamsluvts

[youngveinsworld]

the young veins interview at the beat kitchen in chicago, 10 april 2010

Ryan, Andy and Nick M of the Young Veins interviewed by Natalie Kuchik for the Estrella Online blog, 10 April 2010:

Can you please state your name and what you do in the band? Ryan: My name is Ryan Ross and I am the James Dean of the group. Andy: I am Andy Soukal and I play the thumping bass. Slapping the bass. Nick: My name is Nick Murray and I play the drums.

The first tour as The Young Veins, how has it been going and what’s the crowd reaction been like? Ryan: Seems like it is getting better and better. Nick: The tour seems to be picking up steam. Ryan: More and more people are coming I feel like than the first shows, so that’s really nice. Andy: We have such a diverse line-up. We have a hip-hop band, a crazy Freddie Mercury style band and then a throw back band and the crowd has been really receptive to all of it.

How did you guys get on this tour with Foxy Shazam? Ryan: We are managed by the same people. It was kind of tough to get on a tour when you don’t have any music out or any records, so I think they did us a favor. Or maybe we are doing them a favor.

What is it like going back to more smaller intimate venues? Ryan: It is more interesting every night, you never know what you are going to walk into. Some of these stages are, I question the craftsmanship in a lot of these clubs because I can’t figure out what they were thinking but it makes it a lot of fun. Being so close to the crowd again, I forgot how that was and it makes the show have more energy I think.

Do these venue sizes make you guys more hands on? Do you go out and sign merch afterwords? Ryan: Yeah, pretty much every night. If you need to come see me, I am petty much around. It has been really nice to actually be able to talk to the kids it has been awhile since that has been possible. Nick: Especially, since we don’t have any music out or released we are building a really close relationship with what fan-base we do have is really important. Being as close as possible, building friendships and meeting people around the country is good.

What kind of comments are you guys getting from fans? Andy: It ranges all over the place. Ryan: Yeah, where do we begin. Well, I guess about the music it has been cool to have kids say, “I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this or not”, “I’ve only heard two songs but I’m really excited about the album now.” Then sometimes they ask if they can marry me. Nick: The best feeling in the world is to have people that did not come for our band and like our band and tell us that after the show. Especially, since no one has any pretense of what to expect. If they did like it, that is a really good feeling, it is the best feeling in the world. Ryan: It really feels like we are up there trying to win people over, it is challenging.

When this tour ends, what are your plans after? Ryan: More touring, we are going to do Bonnaroo. Then we are trying to route a tour around that so we will be touring in June and then the album comes out June 8th.

The first single is “Change” why did you go with that one? Nick: Seemed logical. Ryan: Yeah, I don’t know. I feel like that album is all over the place and so many songs sound different. I can’t say it represents the album best but it is one of the more upbeat heavier songs. I think live it is a lot of fun to do. Andy: We also did a lot of market research.

Did you really? Because people do that. Ryan: We polled people at the movies.

On your upcoming album Take a Vacation! all the songs are three minutes or less, was that planned or did it just happen? Ryan: No, I don’t know. I guess something switched in Jon and my songwriting and I guess we just trimmed the fat and cut out parts we didn’t need. It is going to kind of make it hard to do a headlining tour. A lot of our favorite records are really short. I mean, there are so many early Elvis songs that are under two minutes long it is really crazy. It wasn’t a conscious thing it is just the style of music we write is shorter, I don’t know for what reason.

The album comes out June 8th, are you planning on streaming it online for free before it comes out, or any other promotions? Ryan: We are sort of putting together some sort of marketing plan but that is not really my strong point, so the label is always coming up with stuff like that. We are doing something pretty cool where if you buy the vinyl you’ll get the CD for free. We are doing these really neat pre-order packages where we are doing these view master things from when you were a kid. We are doing a box set thing where you get one of those with pictures of the band and we did a couple of photo shoots for them. Stuff that is fun for us to do.

Did your label come up with those ideas or was it your guys? Ryan: That was ours. Nick: We really liked the idea of having a view master. Ryan: We were talking about it months ago. Nick: We just didn’t think it was a possibility. Ryan: The label has been really great about letting us do these crazy things already.

What about the vacation photo contest, was that your idea? Ryan: That was their idea, which I really liked because I have been meeting the kids every night and they are really excited about it. There is really nothing we have to do, it is just a great way to have people come for free.

When you (Ryan) were in Panic! at the Disco you wrote a lot of the songs, would you ever do one of those songs live again? Ryan: I don’t know, I sang a couple of the songs so I guess those would be the only ones I would do. I haven’t really thought about it to be honest with you. Andy: It is a different style so it kind of clashes a little bit. I am not super familiar with everything but if there are a couple of songs similar to our style sure it would be considered but otherwise, it would just clash with what we are doing.

I know your sound is so different, when did you feel the shift from Panic! at the Disco to The Young Veins sound? Ryan: The stuff that I was writing, like half this album (Take a Vacation!) with Jon would have been for the Panic! record anyway. It wasn’t a shift really except for when we quit, I guess it allowed us to do even more than we wanted. Maybe half this stuff we actually already knew [that] there would be no chance it would be for Panic! so we went wild with it. It wasn’t a conscious shift ever in our songwriting, it just kept evolving.

When you parted ways did you know your former band members would keep using the Panic! At the Disco name? Ryan: No, I didn’t think that they would keep the name. It was a little bit shocking when I heard about them doing these tours and stuff without us. I figured doing your own thing meant doing your own thing.

What is a song you never get sick of hearing? Andy: “Wounded” by The Cookies. No one is going to know what that is so you don’t have to write that down, but I am going to throw that out there. Ryan: Reason why? Andy: Reason why, well it’s an old song and it’s just really unique and clever. The vocal melody are just so challenging, and that stuff in today’s music is not accessible at all. You don’t find stuff like that. Ryan: You got one Nick? Nick: I just thought of one, umm… Ryan: The one that I keep listening to recently is the song “The Windmills of Your Mind”, the Dusty Springfield version. I think we might cover that song in the future but it is constantly on repeat for me. Nick: It is kind of an obvious one but “Waterloo Sunset” is still one of my favorite songs of all time which is by The Kinks. I’ve never gotten sick of listening to that song. Ryan: Yeah, that’s one of mine. Nick: I have probably heard it fifteen thousand times and it’s never gotten old. Andy: Also “No Scrubs” by TLC, that one never gets old. We sing that one in the van a lot.

Think you would ever cover that song? Andy: I hope.

You are going to need some filler songs when you headline. Andy: Yeah (laughs).

What is something you have always wanted to do but have not done yet? Nick: Shoot a feature film. Ryan: Shoot a feature film star. Andy: I would like to be in Nick’s feature film.

Seriously, are you into movies? Andy: Especially Die Hard. Nick: Yeah, I definitely want to make one though within the next year or so. Ryan: I don’t know, I am sorry I don’t have a good answer for this one. Nick: I don’t even want that to be the answer though, I want something crazier. Ryan: I know I am not really funny today, I am a little bit upset at myself actually.

You guys are young, there has to be something! Ryan: I have done it all (everyone laughs). I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle.

Do you own one yet? Ryan: No, but wouldn’t that be funny?

Well, some people buy frivolous stuff they don’t use. Ryan: Yeah, I have thought about it. Me and Jon were going to buy motorcycles when I still lived in Vegas and we were going to drive up into the mountains until we realized what a bad idea that was. I still would like to because I used to live near the PCH in California, so I always thought it would be fun to drive a motorcycle up and down the coast.

If you could see any band or artist perform any song live, what would it be and why? Andy: These questions are so hard. Ryan: They’re so good though. Andy: Bon Jovi. I agree! No, I’m just joking. Ryan: Can you travel back in time and see the group when they were young?

Yeah, any line up, any song. Ryan: I might want to see The Kinks do “You Really Got Me” like in 1965 or something. Nick: “I Was A Teenage Werewolf” by The Cramps.

Any particular reason why? Nick: Yeah, I’m a really big Cramps fan and Lux died last year, so I never got to see them. Andy: Can I just say, every song that Gentle Giant has ever done.

Just an entire concert, any reason why? Andy: That is such a bad answer. They are just really wacky and they are just this weird band from the 70s that never made it anywhere but was really cool. Ryan: I can’t understand why.

You (Ryan Ross) received a backlash when you left Panic! At the Disco, did you expect that? Ryan: No, but I guess…

Did you have to learn to roll with it? Ryan: Yeah, I mean it was already bad enough without that having to happen to. I guess, when people don’t understand the reasons why it’s easy to get mad at the person you don’t know for something you think they did. It’s weird how some of the fans took it personally. I wish they would understand, this is our life and we have to do what is best for us.

You have to play the music that you want to play. Nick: People grow up. Ryan: It seems to be passing a little bit. Some people are coming around and saying, maybe it wasn’t the smartest train of thought I was on a couple of months ago. I don’t know, I mean obviously if I was a young kid, a teenager and my favorite band broke up I would be a little bit upset too.

Estrella: Do you guys have any final comments? Andy: No, that was my two cents. Ryan: Do you want to comment on it? (laughs) Andy: No, that about covers it. Ryan: Cool, thanks.

[allthenamesithinkofaretaken]

Your stories of Death x Reader have fascinated me. I'm curious. Are you still making requests? And if the answer is yes:

Could I ask you for one where the reader or death have horrible nightmares about the other, and how they would be when comforting each other? I leave it to your taste and imagination

You write amazing, keep it up :D

There Was an Attempt:

Nightmares (Headcannons)

(Sorry this took so long!)

  Muerte having Nightmares:

 - Muerte rarely sleeps, and the only times he’s ever really done so are when he’s holding (Y/n) in his arms after a tiring night out collecting souls or maybe after doing the *ehem* you know… So because of that, he rarely ever gets nightmares.

-  Until those rare times that he does.

- He’d toss and turn around in his sleep, vivid visions of (Y/n)’s weakness and what it could be being conjured up in his mind and watching as the cruelty he’d seen in humanity over and over again taking and hurting his estrella. He’d hear her screams so loudly that it would grate at his brain, his ears pushed back as his brows furrowed and mouth curled into a sneer in his sleep, claws gripping at the sheets beneath as his nightmares showed him the worst possible things that could happen should they continue their search and if they fail to keep the secret safe.

- It was the one thing that he’d feared the most. The second one was that he’d be the one to have to deliver the finishing blow.

- It doesn’t take long for (Y/n) to stir in her sleep and hear the panicked huffs and whimpers coming from behind her, and she’d immediately sit up to see what was wrong, pushing Muerte to his back and lightly shaking him to wake him up.

- When he does wake up, sometimes, he’d yell out in anger or push her in a panicked rush from the vivid nightmare, and after he’s slowly come to, he’d wrap her in his arms and mutter apologies for being so rough and that he didn’t mean to do it, as well as muttering sweet nothings into her ear, alternating between Spanish and English as he presses quick pecks on her cheek and forehead in between words. He won’t stop until he’s sure she’s forgiven him, and that often ends up with (Y/n) having to cup his face and smoosh it in between her hands while looking him deeply in the eye and saying: “Muerte, I said it’s fine. You didn’t mean it!”. And other times, he’d just wake up with a jolt, realize that she’s right in front of him, all fine and dandy and immediately wrap her in his arms in a tight hug, as if letting go would mean that he’d lose her like he did in his nightmares.

- Only then will he finally relax and wrap her back up in his arms to rest. If they both aren’t tired or still half asleep by the time that’s done, (Y/n) will keep pestering him about telling her about it and if he does, she’ll listen to every word and comfort him as best as she can, listening to him talk with her head pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around his torso as she rubs calming circles on his back. Sometimes she’ll have his head against her chest so she has better access to the top of his head where she can give him small pecks on the forehead as she scratches behind his ears.

- If he falls asleep first after talking it all out, (Y/n) will tuck the both of them underneath their blanket, giving Muerte one last kiss goodnight (on the forehead if he’s the one laying on her, or if she’s the one on his chest, she’d tilt her head up slightly to give him a peck on the cheek) before going back to sleep.

- If he was still next to her by morning light, she’ll definitely fix him up a quick drink/ food that he’s craving, or if that wasn’t possible to do in a short amount of time, she’d have it prepared for him by the time he comes back home. She’d definitely copy most of his ways of comforting her, but in her own little way like instead of looking for a gift for him, she’d make it with what she has instead, whether it be a painting, a trinket, or taking care of the things that he has on his person (washing his poncho/ stitching up some of the rips and tears he comes home with, snatching his sickles whenever he wasn’t wearing his leather belt (which would be a rare occurrence) and polishing them, she didn’t want to try and sharpen them though, she barely knew anything about that sort of thing and would only fear that she might accidentally chip or break his beloved weapons).

(Y/n) Having Nightmares:

    

    - Now, if it’s (Y/n) the one having nightmares, that’s the one that occurs the most. There were plenty of things that gave her nightmares whether it were the day of her father’s death, her previous attempts to off herself, or the faces she’d once known in the past haunting her and clawing at her skin and asking her how unfair it was that she’d get to live this long and they were left to rot in the dust, their faces turning from young to old in mere seconds before their skins peel off their bones, crawling out of their graves to drag her to a coffin where she pounded hard against the cover, the banging of the hammer silencing her cries until she ran out of breath and all she could do was accept the sounds of dirt and rocks that hit the coffin. Or sometimes it was Muerte going by his word and finally killing her, telling her things that she would never want to hear him say before she wakes up with a jolt.

- Now, Muerte is a light sleeper, and the moment he could smell the slightest hint of discomfort in the air or feel the way she twisted and turned more than usual, he’d be up in no time, and when he sees the pain and fear etched into her face, he wouldn’t take long to try and wake her up.

- It totally depends on which of those nightmares she was experiencing, but she’d either wake up screaming and crying, kicking and fighting, or just frozen still in her spot for just a few seconds before seeming to realize where she was and calm down. 

- Muerte would cup her cheek and kiss the tears away, wiping away the wetness that ran down her cheeks all while muttering words of comfort for her. He was a master when it comes to comfort, already knowing the proper things to say and do the moment she starts to recollect most of the nightmare to him. 

- Again, if the both of them aren’t looking to go to sleep just yet after that, he’d definitely agree to do some things to get her mind off it, whether it be going out for a walk (it doesn’t matter if she has her own red cloak, he will make her wear his poncho), going down to the kitchen to make her whatever she wants (tea, hot chocolate, no coffee of course, because he’d want her relaxed and drinking coffee would do the opposite of just that), or simply turning on a light and reading out her favorite book to her, or if she’s too exhausted for something like that, he’d wrap her in his arms and hum/ sing her a song, all while playing with her hair. 

- Despite being a busy guy, he’d definitely stay until the morning (even if there would be plenty of souls to collect) to make sure that she was okay when she awoke, giving her a few reassurances and kisses on the face until he was absolutely sure that she was fine before leaving, and when he returns home, he’ll definitely have a gift for her in hand.

[putting-it-into-parc]

all this, just to say goodbye (soy lago - part 2)

masterlist

part 1 here! also readable standalone tho

lando x carlos (carlando)

summary: After Carlos breaks the news to Lando that he's leaving McLaren, things haven't been the same. On an Instagram livestream for McLaren, Carlos impulsively invites Lando to visit him, and when Lando shows up, it makes Carlos realize that he's been more than a little bit blind for a long, long time.

warning(s): bit of angst, okay maybe a lot of angst

all this, just to say goodbye

June 5, 2020

Carlos rolled the drawstring of his hoodie between his thumb and pointer finger, over and over, feeling the cord beginning to fray in his grasp. A bottle of Estrella Galicia—the non-alcoholic beer McLaren was having them promote—was sitting in front of him. Waiting for him and Lando to go live on Instagram.

It was the first time he would’ve seen Lando in weeks; or, more accurately, one month and four days. But who was counting?

Carlos. Carlos was counting. Ever since the first day of May, Carlos had replayed their walk at the MTC in his mind at least several times a day. When Carlos had told Lando about his contract, and impending move, to Ferrari. Meaning he was leaving McLaren, and leaving Lando.

For weeks, the British driver’s expression of shock, which quickly morphed into horror, haunted Carlos’ dreams. He’d expected some sadness and disappointment—of course. Even for teammates, they were close friends. But not this. Not “soy lago”, instead of a smile, not Lando turning tail and all but sprinting back to his car.

They’d texted since then, and Lando had both apologized for his reaction and told Carlos he was genuinely excited for him, and that he deserved to drive in the fastest car the grid had to offer. But Carlos was still nervous about the prospect of seeing him again, even if on video. In front of an online audience, no less. 

He slid the bottle of Estrella towards himself, angling his phone so that the label was in full view. And hit the button to go live.

“Hi everyone,” he said. He pressed the volume up button a few times. “I’m gonna wait a bit, until everyone joins...”

This truly never got easier. Carlos didn’t know how streamers—like Lando—or influencers did it. He was painfully aware of how clueless he looked as he walked around his kitchen in search of something to prop his phone up against. If Lando didn’t show up soon...

Right on cue, his screen split, the bottom half now almost entirely occupied by Lando’s face. He was wearing a baseball cap backwards, hands pressed against the sides of his head. 

“Oh no—” Carlos started.

“Oh!” squeaked Lando, laughing in embarrassment. Then he threw his hands up, indignantly. “Oh no? What was that?”

Despite the trepidation Carlos had felt about the call, seeing Lando’s face again somehow calmed him down. “Why were you so close to the camera, man?” he teased.

Carlos could tell Lando was panicking. “I was just, I dunno,” he fumbled. “I dunno.” Lando scooted back in his chair so that his head finally appeared an appropriate size. “How are you?” he asked, a little stiffly, fidgeting in his seat.

Carlos told him (and the several hundred people who had joined the livestream by this point) that he was back in the UK. He asked Lando whether he’d been running. Lando grimaced in response. 

“I went for a run yesterday,” Carlos couldn’t help but boast.

They exchanged more pleasantries, talked about the weather, their quarantine haircuts. Lando whipped off his cap, and Carlos saw that the curls had slowly begun to climb back over his forehead after he’d shaved his head back in April. Lando poured his Estrella into a stout little glass.

A little awkward, Carlos thought, but not as bad as I was afraid it might be.

Lando was smiling, fingering the stem of his glass. Carlos was so preoccupied with the way his eyes were crinkled at the corners that he said, almost without thinking, “When are you gonna come to see me? When are we gonna see each other?” 

Lando’s icy blue eyes flared wide open. Carlos immediately realized that he fucked up, big time.

“Uh,” Lando said, much quieter than his normal boisterous tone. Carlos watched him push his glass away from him, put his hands behind his head, which Carlos knew he did when he got an uncomfortable interview question from a reporter. Started looking down at his desk. Not at Carlos.

Carlos thought that now would be the perfect time to be smited by a meteor or something. He’d settle for a spontaneous alien abduction, too. 

“Are you allowed? Are we even allowed to meet in the UK?” he valiantly attempted to backtrack.

Lando’s gaze remained askew, hands still behind his head. “Um...” He ran his tongue across his top lip. 

“Maybe it’s a strange topic to have,” Carlos muttered. “Especially in front of 7,679 people.”

Lando finally looked up, giggling at the unnecessary figure. “I don’t know yet,” he said, suddenly serious. He started fiddling with the beer again. “I’d need to look at the rules.”

“For example, we could go for a run. Or not?” Carlos wasn’t sure when he’d stop shooting himself in the foot. Or through his brain at this point.

“I don’t think so...”

Mercifully, Lando changed the topic back to the sponsor. The rest of the livestream was uneventful, but Carlos couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking pathetic he must’ve sounded, practically begging Lando to visit him. And for what? To assuage his guilt about going to Ferrari?

What an ass. If anything, Lando probably resented him, and this—publicly pressuring him to travel during a global pandemic—just gave him another good reason to.

Carlos poured the now flat beer slowly down his sink drain, shedding his jacket and folding it neatly over a chair. He’d planned to hit the gym for a bit, if you could call the old bench and scattered dumbbells in his basement a gym, and he was halfway down the stairs when his phone buzzed against his leg.

Lando looked up the rules lockdown starts on the 8th so tbh i could swing by but it’s the 5th today so have to be soon

Whoa. Carlos didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that. He quickly typed up a response, cringed, and carefully formulated a less pitiful one.

Me Omg! If you’re okay with that please come I don’t have any plans. If it works with you and you actually want to visit, feel free

The three dots that indicated Lando was typing felt like they were boring into Carlos’ eyeballs.

Lando okk see u on the 6th then prob like 4ish can i stay the night?

Carlos felt his heart jump into his throat. He swallowed stubbornly against the lump.

Me Yes, of course

Well, that settled it. The next 24 hours would just have to be one big cleaning rampage.

~

The next day, Carlos surveyed his tidy flat with satisfaction. He thought to himself that had he been like some of the other guys who had a penchant for massive homes, he would’ve been screwed. Not that Carlos was a messy guy by any means—he’d heard plenty of horror stories from Lando about Charles’ disaster of a bedroom, with all manner of red polos and hoodies strewn over the floor, tangled bracelets and rings covering his nightstand visible on his stream. Not here. All the surfaces in the living room were dusted, the bathroom sink and tub shone, and Carlos had even tidied up his art corner. He’d picked up painting during quarantine and liked to think he was pretty decent at it, and he’d hung up some of his favorites around the house. A still life of his McLaren racing suit. His dog, Piñón, leaping to catch a tennis ball. A portrait of him and Lando, laughing together over a plate of sushi. More accurately—Carlos brandishing a pair of chopsticks with a cucumber roll in between them (“Lando, it has no fish this one, look!”) while Lando giggled in protest (“It’s NEAR a fish!”). 

It was perhaps one of their last truly carefree moments in the McLaren motorhome. Carlos frowned at the painting, carefully unhooked it from its spot on the wall, and leaned it against the shoe rack in his closet. Lando would probably be weirded out if he saw it, he told himself.

The doorbell rang right when Carlos expected it to. After all, he’d pressed his nose against the sliding glass door of his bedroom, watched the Rolls-Royce Wraith glide into his driveway, saw Lando climb out and sling an orange duffel over his shoulder and slowly make his way up to the house.

Carlos forced himself to wait the requisite three seconds before opening the front door.

For perhaps the longest moment of his life, the two drivers stood face to face, saying nothing. Carlos could practically hear the blood pounding in his ears. 

Then Lando’s face broke out into his usual, easy grin. “Carlito!”

“Ay, Lando,” Carlos said gruffly. They clapped each other on the back, and only then did Carlos notice that his palms were sweating.

“Come in.” He waved Lando through the door. “Welcome to mi casa.”

Carlos realized that Lando had only really seen his house once or twice, and even then, Lando had met him in the yard for a run, never stepping foot indoors. He made a mental note to host more often.

Piñón, having detected a foreign presence, raced up to Lando and pawed at him with his front legs, tail wagging furiously. Lando squealed in delight, scratching him behind his ears. The muppet laugh. Carlos hadn’t realized how—quiet—life was without it.

Carlos snapped his fingers. “Abajo, pup.” He loosened a treat from a jar on the counter and offered it to the enthusiastic dog, who quickly snapped it up.

Lando walked slowly around the living room. Carlos watched his eyes roam over the floating wooden shelves of trophies and helmets, the shaggy white beanbag that Carlos had bought for himself but had since become Piñón’s turf, the floor-to-ceiling windows. Carlos liked windows. He figured he was part plant, the way he absolutely needed natural light to flood every space he was in. 

Then Lando stopped short in front of a long canvas, the one Carlos had painted his race suit onto. “Whoa,” he said. “Where’d you get this? I want one!”

Carlos shrugged noncommittally. “I’ll make one for you, if you want.”

Lando gaped at the canvas, astonished. “You paint?”

“Lockdown hobby.”

“Mate,” Lando said, staring reverently at the suit, “that is not a hobby. That is the other job you could’ve had if you weren’t an F1 driver.”

Carlos blushed, pleased at Lando’s praise. “You think it’s good?”

Lando tore his gaze away from the painting and raised an eyebrow at Carlos. “If I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you were fishing for compliments. It’s absolutely bonkers. Some people, I swear,” he muttered under his breath. “They’re just good at everything.”

Carlos cuffed Lando gently on the shoulder. “Stop that right now.”

“Did you do this one too?” Lando pointed at the image of Piñón hanging beside the one of the fireproofs. 

Carlos nodded, and Lando let out a low whistle. “Do you have any more?” he asked eagerly.

“Um.” Carlos instantly thought of the portrait in the closet. “Ah, no, not any that I have out here.”

He avoided Lando’s disappointed look, clearing his throat. “Dinner. I can cook for us something?” He gestured for Lando to follow him to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door.

Carlos pulled out a pink filet from the fridge. “How about a nice grilled salmon?” he smirked.

Lando rolled his eyes. “That’s just not even funny.” But Carlos saw a laugh threaten to escape the corners of his lips.

Carlos replaced the salmon with two dark red steaks, and Lando nodded approvingly.

“You can, ah...how do you call it...amuse yourself, while I’m cooking.” Carlos instantly knew he’d unknowingly made some kind of innuendo as Lando howled in laughter and walked out of the kitchen.

~

Carlos wiped his forehead as he triumphantly slid the perfectly seared steaks onto the cutting board to rest. Lando had been drifting in and out of the kitchen, playing around with various knickknacks Carlos had in the living room area, but he was gone now. Presumably snooping around in the bedroom. Carlos decided it might be fun to sneak up on him; he tiptoed down the hallway and saw only the dim light from the closet casting onto the bedroom floor. Huh. He crept into the bedroom, craned his neck so he could see into the closet.

Lando was kneeling on the floor, right in front of the painting of Carlos and Lando. The British driver’s face was an expressionless mask. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Carlos wanted to kill himself for not telling Lando to stay out of his closet. He waited in dread for Lando to cringe at the picture.

But Lando just reached out with one trembling finger, running it down Carlos’ painted cheek in a way that could only be described as tender.

Lando’s bottom lip quivered. A single tear slid down his cheek. And then he grasped the canvas ever so carefully, and hugged it to his chest.

Carlos suddenly felt like he was completely invading Lando’s privacy. As if he’d walked in on him having a serious conversation with Zak Brown, or kissing someone passionately, or getting broken up with. And for some reason, a little part of him wanted to cry, too.

He quickly retreated back to the kitchen, sliced up the steaks, pouring the pan sauce over them. Then he practically stomped back down the hallway, so that Lando would know he was coming.

“Landooo,” he called. “I am done with the dinner.”

~

Carlos couldn’t stop staring at Lando the entire time they ate, searching for any indication of Lando acknowledging the painting. But he was a much better actor than Carlos had given him credit for. As they cut up their steaks and speared their salad greens with their forks, Lando seemed nothing but chipper as he regaled Carlos with stories about the antics he’d gotten into with Charles, George, and Alex on Twitch.

“He was like, ‘Oh my goodness, zis is impressive! Now I’m—I’m coming on your cam-a-ra, mate.’ I almost died,” Lando snickered, mimicking Charles’ French accent. “He tried to blame it on his bad English. Oh, and Alex just screams George’s name every time the prat plows him from behind.”

Carlos felt like he was in a bit of a daze, only half-listening to Lando’s tales. He raised his glass to his lips, wincing as a bit of wine accidentally sloshed over his upper lip. At this point, him imagining the entire scene in the closet seemed to be a very real possibility.

“Earth to Carlos.” Lando’s voice suddenly broke his reverie.

“Huh? What?”

“I said,” Lando rolled his eyes. “If you wanted to go on a run. Tomorrow morning before I leave.”

“Oh. Huh. Yeah. Let’s run.”

Blue eyes narrowed at Carlos. “Are you okay? You’re acting a little...spacey.”

His heart pounded. “Yeah. Just tired.” He gestured to the glass of red. “Maybe this wine is getting to me.”

Lando looked suspicious, but shrugged. And let out a massive yawn. “So am I. D’you have somewhere I can sleep?”

“Ah,” Carlos said. He must have been the only driver on the grid who didn’t have a guest room. “Yeah. In my room.”

“What?” Lando yelped. “Why? Don’t you have an extra bed?”

“I drive a Golf,” Carlos deadpanned. His frugality was well known, at least as far as their vehicles were concerned. “I don’t know what you would expect.”

Lando chuckled, although it sounded strained. “You have a couch at least, I can sleep there.”

“What? No. Just sleep on the bed. You are the guest. And honestly,” Carlos continued, “I don’t think it’s that weird if we just shared it, unless you do...”

There it was again—the wide open eyes, like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, just as they were when Carlos first asked him to visit.

“No,” Lando said slowly. “I’m okay with that.”

~

Carlos was brushing his molars when Lando waltzed into the bathroom, naked to the waist. He almost choked on his toothpaste.

Lando stuck his own toothbrush in his mouth. Then he pulled his phone out of his shorts pocket, and a very, very familiar beat started to echo off the walls...

Movin’ up and down, side to side, like a rollercoaster.

Almost telepathically, they started to headbang perfectly in sync. Well, started to. Lando giggled through a mouthful of foam as Carlos immediately began to drift off the beat.

He spit into the sink, cackling with laughter. Lando clutched his stomach, shoulders shaking, trying and failing not to spray the mirror with toothpaste. 

Movin’ up and down, side to side, like a rollercoaster.

Carlos felt like he was back at Red Bull Ring, flying down the longest straightaway of the season. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so...light. Weightless. Happy. George had said, that one time—cloud nine. Carlos wasn’t sure why there specifically had to be nine clouds involved, but there, standing in his bathroom with Lando, dancing and laughing like idiots, he felt like he finally understood what the Brit had meant.

~

Stripes of silvery moonlight filtered through Carlos’ blinds. He tried hard not to fidget, but he couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he was back in the closet, watching Lando weep at the painting of the two of them...

Carlos saw Lando’s eyelids flutter. He knew he was only pretending to sleep, as well. 

“Carlos,” Lando whispered, startling him.

“What?”

Lando opened his eyes, staring directly into Carlos’ soul for all he knew.

“Can you hold me?”

Carlos laughed in disbelief. “Hold you?”

But Lando’s expression was so serious, so...anguished, that Carlos felt his stomach drop.

So he inched closer, and extended one arm in the direction of Lando’s neck. Lando lifted his head to let Carlos slide his arm under him. The other, Carlos draped gingerly around Lando’s bare stomach. Lando felt so...small. Vulnerable. Even though he was hardly two centimeters shorter than Carlos, as that hilarious Grill The Grid episode had exposed.

“Is this okay?” he asked softly.

He felt Lando’s chin nod against his chest.

And Carlos was scared. Scared at how...right this felt. How comforting. Scared that he had laughed, joked around, bickered with Lando for how long...and had never once thought that they could be this way. Then he wondered, with a pang, how long Lando had waited for this.

A drop of moisture seeped through Carlos’ shirt. Lando’s shoulders shook, and Carlos knew he was crying and trying his very best to suppress it. His heart ached; he thought of something, anything, to say to make him feel better. 

But no words came.

He sighed, feeling tears prick dangerously at the corners of his own eyes, and pulled Lando a little bit closer. Eventually, both of their breathing slowed, as they finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

~

Carlos stirred to sunlight scorching his eyelids. Sometime during the night, they’d separated, and Lando was now sleeping facedown, head buried between two pillows. As if nothing had ever happened at all.

He thought for sure that Lando would say something when he finally woke up. But Lando simply greeted him with a casual “good morning” and walked off to the bathroom. When he came back, he was wearing running shorts and a light t-shirt.

“A jog, as promised.”

Hopefully, Carlos thought, we can have a chat while we run.

But as they wound their way through sidewalks that turned into gravel that eventually turned into a dirt trail, they talked about the McLaren car, the remaining races, the goddamned weather. They didn’t talk about Ferrari. They didn’t talk about how they’d cried and cuddled and how Lando might love Carlos and Carlos might just love Lando, and not in the way he loved his other teammates. Carlos felt like he was going to explode from the frustration, the tension that was so palpable and yet, neither of them were doing anything about it.

“Alright, Lando,” Carlos finally said at the crest of a hill, unable to take it anymore. “Do you think maybe we need to have a talk?”

Lando stopped, hunched over as he caught his breath. He didn’t turn to face Carlos. “No,” he panted. “What is there to talk about?”

“I dunno, us? Last night?”

A few chirping birds were the only sounds that filled the silence.

Carlos took a deep breath, steeling himself. “And I saw you...with the painting,” he admitted at last.

Lando whirled around so abruptly that Carlos took an instinctive step back. Icy blue eyes blazed with...anger? Panic? Carlos wasn’t sure.

But then, as quickly as it came, the fervent expression melted off his face, only to be replaced by one of deep sadness.

“That...it...it was nothing. I’m sorry for touching the painting.”

“No, Lando,” Carlos pleaded. “That’s not what this is about. You know that.”

“What does it matter?” asked Lando woodenly. “At the end of the year, we’re both going to say our goodbyes, and move on. We’re both going to just—move on. So let’s just do that, okay?”

What could Carlos say? He was a fool not to have...known...Lando. Known Lando well enough to see his turmoil. Known himself well enough to acknowledge his own feelings.

And now, it was too late.

“Okay,” Carlos said quietly.

They turned around and ran back down the hill, back to the house, where all there would be left for them was to say goodbye.

~

Lando made quick work of stuffing his clothes, his towel, his toothbrush, into his duffel. He didn’t ignore Carlos, exactly, but was certainly not his joking self either. Carlos watched him warily as he donned the bag and slowly walked towards the front door. Lando turned around, looked steadily at him.

“Thanks for letting me visit.”

Suddenly, Carlos was hit by a deep sense of loss. As if Lando was slipping away, and there was nothing he could do about it anymore. Carlos couldn’t help but think that by choosing the scarlet suit, he’d lost something precious in return. Something even a Ferrari contract couldn’t replace.

“Lando,” Carlos said, vaguely aware of how desperate he sounded. “Promise me you will still be my muppet friend. For the rest of the season, and even when I go...”

There was no trace of laughter on Lando’s normally cheerful face. “I will,” he replied, impassively.

He stepped up to Carlos and hugged him like he always did, but his arms felt stiffer, even colder, and no longer did he melt into Carlos like he used to.

Carlos felt his chest tighten. It was already happening.

“Safe drive,” he managed.

“Thanks, Carlit—Carlos.”

Lando unlocked his Wraith, hoisted his duffel into the trunk, and gave Carlos a breezy wave as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Carlos watched the papaya of his hoodie through the tinted window grow smaller and smaller, until Lando finally disappeared from view.

Epilogue

The drivers were sitting, mostly in teammate pairs even though it was technically free seating, chatting with each other for the first time in months. It was perhaps the first Media Day no one was complaining about, even though everyone’s faces were (supposed to be) hidden behind masks and all the chairs were stationed a meter apart from one another.

Carlos immediately spotted Lando’s papaya cap on the edge, one seat open next to him. Charles, always the social butterfly, stood one row in front, cuffing George on the shoulder, shaking Checo’s hand, as Lewis glided past them with dark sunglasses affixed to his face as usual.

As Charles approached Lando—and the vacant chair next to him—Carlos quickened his pace, reached out, and impulsively grabbed Charles’ arm. He steered the driver away, taking advantage of his momentary confusion to plant himself in the empty seat.

Lando turned his head to him, surprise written across his face. Carlos smiled shyly, nudged Lando’s knee with his.

“I couldn’t let Charles sit next to my teammate.”

He held his breath as he scanned Lando’s face. "Until the day I leave,” he continued. “You are my teammate, after all. My one and only teammate.”

Lando gave him a small, conciliatory smile in return, and Carlos exhaled in relief.

Maybe the goodbye was inevitable. Maybe they really would never be the same again. But until then...Carlos was going to savor every last moment that he and Lando had left together.

notes: more fics here! thanks for reading as always :)

[fortune-fool02]

Language of Love

Luis Serra x female reader

Requested by: @leons-little-slut

Can I ask for a Luis Serra x Reader who doesn’t speak Spanish as their first language and keeps getting confused when Luis keeps flirting with her and won’t tell her what he’s saying? Maybe he even goes as far as confessing to her in Spanish randomly one day and she asks what he said but he won’t tell her so she decides to translate it later herself because she can’t get it out of her head and wants to know what he was saying. Any ending where they end up together is up to you! This is my first time ever asking on Tumblr so I hope I’m doing this right and I hope this isn’t too much to ask!

Warning: No spoilers for RE 4 Remake. Fluff.

I love this so much! I hope you enjoy! Thank you.

Please enjoy.

Since the very first moment he laid his eyes on her, Luis knew he wanted to be with her. [Name] was a remarkable woman, someone who never failed to surprise him, be it with simple little things or aiding in milestones of their research. Their paths had originally begun when they met in collage. Both rising stars among their peers and sometimes even pitted against one another, their test scores rivalling only each other. Both either equal or the difference of but one mark.

And yet, the two never saw one another as competition or rivals. [Name] had stated time and time again that she was impressed by Luis' intelligence and was more than happy when she learned that he, too, had been accepted by Umbrella. The man was someone she enjoyed the company of. Even if he did have his moments of playful banter and flirtations. Though, [Name] never knew how to react as Luis would never tell her what he said, finding her light confusion adorable.

One little name he often liked calling her was Cariño, which [Name] had been able to deduct as a pet name of sorts. He always called her that, no one else. But he would never tell her what it meant, no matter how many times she asked him. Each time she did, he would smile and give her a little wink. At moments like that, she wished she had studied Spanish at school.

Sitting at her computer desk, her fingers danced along the keyboard as she typed in the report of their recent development in research. A knock at her door caught her attention.

"Yes?" The door opened and Luis stepped forward, that smile on his face as always, the little dimples showing as he closed the door behind him. "Hello, Luis. What brings you by?" She asked, noticing the paper folded in the man's hand.

"Can I not visit my delightful Cariño?" Something flickered in his eyes, something akin to nervousness despite his attempts to hide it behind his sweet words and smile. [Name] had known him long enough to notice the little details. The little chips in his mask.

"What's with the paper? Another list for me to work through?" She motioned to the paper in his hands to which he shook his head.

"Not quite. But it is something else for you." He carefully unfolded the piece of paper and cleared his throat lightly before reading aloud.

"Querida mía, desde el momento en que te conocí, supe que eras especial. He pensado en ti cada día y más, tu presencia una luz en mi vida más hermosa que las estrellas en la noche, y el sol en el día. No puedo verme sin ti, así que te pido que seas mía para poder mostrarte cuánto significas para mí."

He finished with a warm smile, his smoke grey eyes falling onto her face as he gently folded the paper again. [Name] blinked once then twice.

".... um...." That was all she could get out. Not a single word did she understand or have any idea what it could even be. Was this another one of his little jokes? "Luis, you know I can't understand Spanish."

"Then lucky for you, I wrote it down." He handed her the paper, his fingertips lightly lingering against hers for a moment. "Come see me when you figured it out." With a cheeky wink, he left without another word, leaving her baffled at the script in her hands.

She couldn't help but admit the mysterious letter had consumed her curiosity. Once she finished her work, she turned her attention to the letter, trying to decipher it. Luis was clearly not going to offer even a little hint. Still, she wasn't going to let this get the best of her, she was going to translate it without his help and rub it in his face.

Carefully typing out the letter, she looked over the words to ensure the spelling was correct and clicked enter. The translation popping up on the screen:

"My dearest, Since the moment I first met you, I knew you were special. I have thought of you each day and more, your presence a light in my life more beautiful than the stars at night, and the sun in the day. I cannot see myself without you, and so, I ask that you be mine so I can show you just how much you mean to me."

Her eyes ran over the translation once then twice and yet a third time, the words sinking into her mind. If this translation was accurate, the words were heartfelt and sweet, perhaps the sweetest she has ever heard come from the man. Her heart pulsed, filling with a tenderness that brought a smile to her lips. Picking up the letter, she headed off to search for Luis, checking his office first.

Luis looked over the second he heard the door handle twist, setting his glasses aside. "So, did you figure out the letter?"

[Name] stood in the doorway, holding it gently in her hands, and nodded. "Did you mean it? What you wrote?" She wanted to know if it was true, that this wasn't a silly little joke of some kind. Luis nodded.

"Every word and more." The two stood in silence for a moment then she walked over to him, her arms wrapping around his body and pressing a sweet kiss on his cheek. ""Every word and more." The two stood in silence for a moment then she walked over to him, her arms wrapping around his body and pressing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"You could have just told me." Luis' arms wrapped around her, pulling her close as he connected their lips together,

"Now where's the fun in that?"