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choicesaddictionwriting · 5 years

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Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

(A/N: I tried to include details from today’s chapter but I hope you enjoy regardless. This is also sort of long, soory about that!)

TAG LIST: @perriewinklenerdie , @bucket-harrington and @mfackenthal

SUMMARY: Kendall and Ethan await the result of there first diagnostic case together. With hours to kill on the observation deck, alone together. They both have time to talk and confront things that are being left unsaid between them.

Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

“You really do find it impossible to sit still, don’t you?” Ethan observed, glancing up from his paper to Kendall who was pacing the front of the observation deck, clearly uneasy and she played with her fingers and fidgeted.

“You noticed?” She asked, quickly glancing down at the surgery unfolding in the operating theatre before quickly snapping her head back as she continued to go up and down the length of the observation window, also right in front of where Ethan was seated, as he worked through the paperwork.

“You’re not going to make time go faster,” He commented, returning to the file in his hands, that he was balancing on his leg.

“I know, I’m just so nervous…” She sighed, even though she continued, picking up speed, refusing to look down at the surgery.

“Rookie, do you think I would have let our patient go through an incredibly volatile surgery on your recommendation if I knew you were wrong?” He pondered out-loud, his words relevant enough for Kendall to stop in her tracks, right in front of his seat.

He looked up at her, peering over his glasses.

“Well, do you?” He repeated.

“No,”

“Then take a breath and then take a seat,” He instructed calmly, pointing to the seat beside him with his pen.

His eyes wandered back to his work and he heard her sit down heavily beside him.

“But what if…?”

“A ten per cent chance of survival is better than zero,” He interrupted, purposely not engaging in any other way and he signed the bottom of his document, “You made the right call, rookie. Now learn to live with it.”

“You’re right,” She gave in.

“I know,” Ethan added, before asking, “I thought I told you to bring your paperwork with you to finish while we wait,”

“I did, it’s under the chair,” She informed, “I’m just too distracted to even think about doing it,”

“You should work on that,” He commented again, clearly distracted by something different.

There was a beat of silence before Kendall piped up again, “How long has it been now?”

“An hour and twenty-two minutes so we still have fourteen hours and thirty-eight minutes to go,”

She groaned and sank in her seat.

“Why do you think I suggested bringing something to do?” He asked, “You’ll make yourself crazy if you just sit and watch the surgery or in your case fidget and watch the surgery,”

“Sorry,” She whispered, clasping her hand together in an effort to stop.

“Just…” He sighed, feeling bad, “Just relax,”

She nodded.

Another beat of silence and he noticed that she had started holding her breath.

“Are you always this impatient?” He demanded.

“I just have a lot on mind,” She confessed.

“That makes two of us,” He breathed, meeting her gaze for a second, before clearing his throat and continuing, “Rookie, being on the Diagnostics team means having much fewer patients to focus on which means you’ll have to do a lot of waiting for test results, surgeries. Usually, during this time I do other things but since my entire job today is to have one of you interns shadow me as part of this ridiculous fellowship competition, I have been relieved from all my other duties besides Diagnostics. Which is why we are watching this surgery instead of doing something more useful. So can you please start acting like you’re working and not having a nervous breakdown.”

Kendall rolled her eyes but headed his advice, regardless. She reached under her seat and pulled out her first file. Ethan gave her a nod of approval as she opened it up. They sat in a comfortable silence, for the first time.

“How is the research going?” She asked, remembering she hadn’t heard any updates on Naveen in a while.

“Not as fruitful as I was hoping,” He revealed, “But I still have some other ideas that I need to follow-up,”

“Well, if you need anything I…”

“I know,” He cut off, but he flashed her a grateful smile.

Ethan was acutely aware that things between him and Kendall remained, tense with a lot remaining unsaid even though it was very apparent what both of them wanted. They had both made that clear in the lab even if it wasn’t said. Fighting the inevitable, indeed.

Kendall was infinitely better at pretending she wasn’t disappointed or hurting and acting like nothing had changed. For a few days after it happened Ethan found it hard to even look at her because the guilt was overwhelming. The guilt of almost ruining of there working relationship, her chance at objectively winning the fellowship, her career as well as the guilt of knowing no matter how hard he tried to let her go. He still felt exactly the same way about her as he did on that balcony, in fact, he liked her even more. He liked her more than he should, so much more. But inspire of all the guilt, he didn’t feel guilty about kissing her.

If a kiss was all he was ever going to have with Kendall, in that way, then he was glad it was that one, at that moment. He couldn't help thinking about it whenever he caught her eye and if that continued he knew he was never going to get over it.

He snapped back to reality when he noticed the Kendall was humming softly to herself as she wrote, concentrating intently.

“So, how have you been?”

“How have I been?” He repeated, sceptically, “Are you trying to make small talk with me, Rookie?”

“No, I’m genuinely curious,” She insisted, “I know you’ve been really bust trailing everyone in Diagnostics this week and I was just wondering how you’ve been,”

“I’m not telling you about how the other interns did,” He informed.

“I asked how you were, Dr Ramsey,” She corrected, “I know you were struggling a lot last week with everything that’s been going on,”

“I’m fine,” He insisted, before cautiously adding, “Thank you for asking and for helping me through all of us, I really couldn’t do this without you. Or at least it would be significantly more difficult,”

“You’re welcome,” She chuckled, squeezing his shoulder, and without thinking he leaned into her touch ever so slightly.

“Besides from that,” He continued, “I won’t say it wasn’t exactly my idea to babysit a different intern every day for a week. Thankfully it’s almost over,”

“I’m the last intern?” She questioned, surprised, “But some haven’t…”

“Only interns that I think actually have a shot at being on my team have had the opportunity to shadow me for the day,” He elaborated, “And that includes you,”

“Well, thank you,”

“Why are you thanking me, I didn’t put in the work, you did,”

“I’m thanking you for recognising my effort,”

“You’re insufferable,” He breathed.

“You say that but you’re the one who decided which patient to give me and you picked this one knowing that it would end up in a long surgery, so you knew I would have to stay with you through the whole thing because I’m shadowing you today,” She deduced, playfully.

“Did you strain yourself coming up with that nonsensical conclusion?”

“Deny it all you want. I know you secretly like me,” She chuckled before quickly adding with a nervous smile, “As an intern, I mean. Not in any other way, of course, I just me…”

“I got that,” He commented sarcastically.

“Right,” She played off, badly.

“I picked this case because one it was urgent and because I knew you were the only one capable of solving it,” He said, finally turning his head to look at her.

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is, you were right, Rookie. I’ve been distracted lately with…everything going on with Naveen and,” He started to explain, clearly uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat, turning his head so was he was looking at the surgery and not at her, “And I couldn’t think of what to do in this case, and I figured if that if anyone was going to have an idea it would be you,”

“Why?”

“Why not, Rookie?” He questioned, “Do you think I made a mistake in hiring you.”

“No,” Kendall argued.

“Here Rookie, tell me,” He demanded, “what diseases has a common symptom of nosebleeds but if left untreated in advance cases leads to both blindness and paralysis?”

“Leprosy,” She responded without thinking, “But that’s an easy one,”

“For you, it’s easy, Rookie. Not for everyone else,” He pointed out, “If you just had a little more confidence in yourself and your ability, you’d be an incredible doctor. And besides, I trust you and…I knew you wouldn't think less of me for not knowing the answer myself.”

“Nobody always has all the answers,”

“I used too,” He sighed, “As soon as you suggested the surgery it clicked and I didn’t why I hadn’t of thought about it sooner,”

“You’ve been going through a tough time,” She insisted.

“That isn’t an excuse,” He dismissed.

“Yes, it is,” She stated, “You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first,”

“That is…” He paused before continuing, “A rather basic analogy from you, Rookie. I expected better,”

Time wore on and the surgery continued into the night. The long shifts had caught up to Kendall as she now had splayed out over several seats, sleeping. Her own lab coat tucked under her head as a pillow. And Ethan had put his own over her, as the room was cold. He’d finished his own paperwork and had started on hers. The least he could do, he convinced himself, after he had kept her distracted for the past few hours before she slept.

Perhaps it was the combination of the silence, the time he had on his hands, the long conversations they’d just had and the fact she was sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, beside him, that he indulged himself in his thoughts, his feelings.

About her, of course. Kendall Archer, the one and only.

How do you even know if someone is the right person for you?

Ethan had always accepted the fact that love and the act of falling in love could happen. Of course, it could, he’d seen it happen with colleagues and friends of his and only a couple ended in divorce. There was legitimacy to the idea of falling in love, it was a plausible idea.

It could happen,sure, but Ethan had never considered that it might happen to him.

What are you saying? You’ve only known her a couple of months.

But even when he was Harper he always assumed his life would follow the same path as, Naveen.

That was, of course, until she arrived.

Ethan likes to think of Kendall as his own personal tornado. She had crashed into his life, a reckless devastatingly perfect storm.

Reckless.

Kendall knew herself well enough that she needed to stop thinking in order to get things done though that never stopped her from worrying endlessly as soon as it was out of her hands again after the fact. Ethan was the opposite, methodical, always weighing up the risk-reward. But Kendall acted on knowledge, emotion, happy to accept the repercussions of doing the right thing. Before you arrived, Ethan never thought he needed to change. He had won, master the game, why would he need to? But she showed him that being reckless wasn’t scary or even inherently going to end in disaster. It could be exhilarating, freeing, it made him feel alive. Even if it was the reason why they were in this mess.

Devastating.

Kendall had devastated the foundation of what everything Ethan thought to be true. Challenging his belief system entirely, all of sudden there was this glimmer of belief that he deserved more. And she did that by just being herself. Ethan hadn’t ever thought about safe he played his life until he met her. Kendall lived optimistically with hope, belief and that took a lot more strength than he had ever imagined. You had to be vulnerable to live every day at risk of everything going wrong. But she lived that way, maybe because she knew no different or maybe because she knew life is too fragile to play it safe and be pessimistic.

Perfect.

He hated admitting it. Everything he had found irritating about Kendall when they first met, her annoying habits, her grievances, her quirks, had become endearing to him. Making up who she was, he wouldn't change anything about her. Because if he did, she wouldn't be Kendall anymore. She’d be like the other interns. He liked everything about her, the way her mind worked often in fifteen different ways at once, the way she talked with that west coast edge, the way she felt so intensely for everyone around her, the way she smiled like her sole mission was to light up the room, the way she looked at him. Like he was special and the only person she could see. She was perfect. Perfect for him.

A storm.

Like a rainstorm after a drought. Kendal was inherently good but if you dug deeper it was evident to see that there was darkness and destruction within her. She carried more guilt than he could ever imagine. The guilt of being healthy, the guilt of being alive. She battled with inadequacy, she was bright and capable, more than anyone else he had ever met and yet she couldn't identify it in herself. She doubted herself endlessly. And the more he got to know her, the clearer it became for all the love Kendall carried it in her heart and spread to those around her, she never extended any of it to herself. In spite of all that though she remained hopeful. She believed, she believed in him and not just Ethan Ramsey everyone thought knew but the actual person he was.

Kendall was his tornado all right and there was nowhere he would rather be than her warpath.

When Kendall woke up a few hours later, she was alone with Ethan’s jacket wrapped around her. The surgery continuing below her, she noticed that the staff had rotated and she caught Bryce’s eye. She gave him a wave and winked back at her. With a laugh, she turned to the stack of files left in Ethan’s seat. On top was a note.

Getting Coffee. Try to keep our patient alive while I’m gone, Rookie.

Kendall snorted before glancing back at the surgery just to double check. She smiled to herself after she was satisfied everything was fine. It was moments like this that made her think back to who she was when she first started medical school. That Kendall couldn't ever even have imagined being where she was today, an intern at Edenbrook, in the lead of the competition to earn a spot on the Diagnostic team she’d dreamed on being on. Working with the man who had written the book she always kept on her desk as a reminder of why she was doing this in the first place.

In a weird way, Kendall had never expected to really meet Dr Ramsey. Sure she assumed that she would meet him someday, at a book signing, a medical conference maybe even after she got accepted to Edenbrook all she had expected was to see him in the hall from time to time. But not this, never this, this was beyond her imagination. And yet here she was, working with him, they were collages, friends and more even if they couldn’t talk about it.

The funny thing was the more she had gotten to know Ethan the less of hero he became in her eyes. She still idolised him professionally but he wasn't her hero anymore as she realised that the picture she had painted of him in her head was far from the actual person. Ethan Ramsey was more than the world-renowned doctor everyone knew. He was a person and maybe that’s why he struggled with the attention do much. She figured that going from an outcast that didn’t get on to everyone to a doctor that everyone wanted to know, was a big adjustment especially for him. Which is why she made a point not to hold him up to the expectations of the person she had imagined him to be but the person he actually was.

And to her, that Ethan, the one she knew today was the one that deserved to be idolised. The Ethan she knew had a big heart even if he showed it in an unconventional way, he cared about those who were close to him and his patients. He was fiercely protective and she was sure there was no obstacle he wouldn't face for them. The Ethan she knew was funny, she remembered fondly how intimidating he seemed to be when they first met with his cutting insults and mind games but now she enjoyed his dry humour even when it was aimed at her. He made her laugh a lot and she wasn’t quick-witted enough to think of a comeback so it was by default her only response. The Ethan she knew made her feel worthy, sure he would question her ability but that was only when she was questioning herself or not working hard enough. He for some reason thought she could do incredible things in this place and sometimes she didn't understand why. He thought she was special enough to be given a chance and she sure as hell wasn't going to blow it. He made her feel like she could do anything if she worked for it. She liked that even though he thought he couldn't change the world anymore that she might be able to.

Yeah, you could say Kendall liked Ethan.

She liked Ethan a lot.

“Here you go Rookie,” Ethan said offering her coffee as soon as he reentered the observation deck.

“Is this from your office?” She asked, taking the drink from him with a grateful smile.

“Of course,” He responded, sitting back down beside her as you sipped, “Did you sleep well?”

“Not, well enough,”

“Well, you woke up on time, they should be finishing up soon,” He informed.

“Can I ask you something?” She inquired, pulling the mug from her lips.

“Could I stop you even if I said no?” He retorted, watching the surgery intently.

“Why did you let me sleep?”

“I don’t recall you asking me my permission before you did,” He responded, cuttingly.

“But you could have easily kept me awake and it just doesnt seems like you to let an intern sleep on the job,”

“That would have been cruel,” He offered, confused, “You were tired, I remember what it was like being an intern. I figured letting you sleep would be the nice thing to do after everything especially. I even…um…did your paperwork while you were sleeping too.”

“Why would you do that?” Kendall asked, taken aback.

“Because I owe you one after everything you’ve done,” He offered before adding annoyed, “Most people would just say, thank you,”

“I am thankful,” Kendall reassured, sighing heavily she added, “It’s just would you do that for any other intern?”

“No,”

“That’s the problem,”

“What are you getting at, Rookie?”

“You're the one…” She began hesitantly, “That wants to pretend that there is nothing between us. So why do you keep treating me differently? Like I’m special.”

“I’m not giving you special treatment,” He stated, the tone of his voice making it clear that there was no question about it, but then he continued and he wasn’t as collected as was before, “But you are different. You know that Kendall. You aren’t like the other interns to me. I trust you. You’re the only one that knows about Naveen’s condition and where he is. My helping you is my thank you for being my partner on this and that’s the reason we are close. Closer than we should but that's how it is now…When we’re together I don’t think about the fellowship at all,”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself?” Kendall said without thinking, helpless to the aftermath.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He interrogated, unconvincingly to Kendall at least.

“You know what it's okay,”

“What's okay?”

“It's okay, I’m fine with waiting,” She stated, smiling sadly at him.

“For what?” He questioned.

“For you to figure it out,” She admitted, reaching over and giving his hand a gentle but brief squeeze, “I'll wait for you to figure it out, not forever but I'll wait for you.”

“Kendall I…” His voice hitching as soon as she retracted her hand, he had forgotten how much he craved her touch.

“I think they're done,” Kendall interpreted, as the intercom crackled.

Without a word Ethan walked over, leaving her sitting there in anticipation. Soon he turned back round to face her.

“Well, how did it go?”

“The surgery was successful,” He informed.

As soon as he did, she beamed brightly, jumping out of her seat. Immediately hugging him tightly in pure bliss.

“Rookie,” Ethan warned, as he stumbled back.

“Sorry,” She apologised, jumping away from him but the smile still fixed on her face, “I have to go and hug everyone on that surgery team,”

“At least let them change first,” He called after her, as she darted towards the door, he waited a second before following her down, the smile on his face only comparable to the one she had on hers.

#ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x kendall #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey op #open heart #choices #choices fanfiction #playchoices #choices fandom #play #playchoices fanfic #playchoices fandom #choicesadditctionwriting

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bluebellot · 4 years

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Alan Ramsey and Naveen after seeing their son on TV and hearing him say he’s not single:

#his ship is sailinggggg #playchoices #choices #open heart #ethan ramsey #choices stories you play #open heart second year #open heart 2 #choices: open heart #op #pixelberry #i mean am i wrong #how dare you make things official without involving me!#ethan ramsey x mc #mc x ethan #ethan x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #dr ethan ramsey

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cyb3r-kat · 4 years

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MC calling out Ethan for his behavior and putting him in his place:

#i love this man i do but PLEASE SHUT UP AND TAKE THE MONEY #playchoices #choices #open heart #ethan ramsey #choices oph #choices op #pb #pixleberry

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utterlyinevitable · 3 years

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Soooo none of the boys find Becca attractive?

They do find her attractive. There’s so much more to attraction than what their face looks like and what their body type is. That’s my point.

Tobias was initially attracted to the way she was dancing in the club, how her hips moved and her open mouthed smile as she tried to sing along to the song. The second time in the bar he was attracted to her wit and strong devil-may-care energy.

Raf is really taken by her eyes and the way she laughs. He likes how she listens intently and always seems to have a solution even if it’s just to take a walk around the block.

Bryce adores the dip of her waist and the little markings there. He finds the two beauty marks on her cheek wildly attractive, and how her nose is just a little bit crooked. He prefers her hair when it’s down air drying after a shower to let the natural waves form. He’s invigorated by the giggle she makes when he tickles her or brushes his lips against her ear. He loves when she’s ranting, storming around on a tangent and her cheeks are going red and she’s talking with her hands. He prefers her when it’s just them hanging around.

Ethan is attracted to her snark and the way she won’t let him intimidate her. He appreciates her gusto and tenacity. He adores the tattoo at her wrist, the only she lets him have the privilege of knowing. They way her eyes sparkle in the light when she has an idea and how they darken when she’s met with a challenge she can’t crack. He’s attracted to the way she always smells like oranges. How she’s always putting her patients first. Finds her beautiful with her messy bun with strands framing her face and a pen between her teeth as she’s thinking. Thinks her scars and stretch marks and spots are what makes her who she is. And she’s extraordinary.

#open heart #ethan ramsey #askboxed #becca lao #I could go on and on and on about how Ethan sees her op #ugly-anon

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ddiesirae · 4 years

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Can we talk a lil bit about mc's relationship with Ethan if they're just friends, no romance?

Like, it's the reason I actually like Ethan a lot even though I'm not going for his route. That texting scene last week had me wheezing and it's like, they're annoying the hell out of him but he knows that mc is an amazing doctor and appreciates their hard work, and he's very proud of them because he was and probs still is their mentor and wants to see them thrive on the field.

Idk I like seeing him as an older-brother-figure who deeply cares for mc + the way their relationship developed from practically hating each other to found family kinda makes me all soft.

#i never saw anyone talk about this tho #playchoices #pixelberry #choices open heart #open heart book 2 #open heart #oh #oph #ethan ramsey #awkwardalbatros op

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nosfearatus · 3 years

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Are you tired of a middle aged white bread manchild being foisted upon you constantly? Tired of the interesting love interests being sidelined? Super tired of the manchild stand crying about Dr. Mommy Issues being important to the plot? Then here's the open heart plot rewrite for you!

None of your friends are going into internal medicine and I'll explain why. Sienna is a hopeless optimist who would be a stereotypical pediatrics specialist pair that with numerous kids dying and you have her wanting to quit arc and her feeling undervalued by her boyfriend arc, plus she just seems like she'd be really good with kids and would even bring them baked goods. Landry hates dealing with people, he loves puzzles, and he's not gonna be the traitor so, he'd make a perfect pathology specialist. Elijah is someone who cares about improving the quality of life for his patients even if it seems hopeless and he hates pharma companies and their endless greed, so, he's an oncology specialist. Jackie is similar to Landry in that their bedside manner isn't the best but Jackie's all about high stakes situations and immediate action so infectious disease seems like a good specialty. Now MC, they're going to specialize in something that's high stakes, rewarding, and gets them close to all four love interests, Emergency Medicine. Now how do you all meet, in the Cafeteria on break you all happen to share a table and after lamenting their closet situation you make quick friends with the rest of the interns and can spend diamonds to bond with them. This scene also unlocks the penthouse apartment because you decide to live together then and spend the rest of your break apartment hunting on your phones, however if you don't spend the diamonds you still live together because Sienna gets the idea at Donahue's, it's just the garden view apartment.

Now. Let's meet the love interests all of whom you'll encounter in chapter 1! First off you meet Bryce and Jackie the same way as in the original. As an Emergency Medicine specialist you meet Rafael Aveiro rather early on as he's rushes a patient into the ER. Then you're checking up on a patient whose now under the internal medicine wing and I guess you have to meet Dr. Eth-Holy shit it's Dr. Zaid Mirani with a metal chair! Anyways you meet the superior gruff boss with a secret soft spot, Dr. Zaid Mirani when the senior resident takes on one of your now stabilized emergency patients and you've come to check up on them. Zaid is the final LI because I love him and this is my rewrite and he fills the same trope Mommy Issues man did but he's better at it.

So the plot? Well, since Landry isn't sabotaging you, someone else is. Could it be that jerk of an attending who criticized you on day one but is now trying to convince you to switch to Internal Medicine? He seems to be willing to risk anything to get you on his team, from your reputation to your patients' lives. One of his sabotage attempts ends up killing one of your patients which puts your career and future as a doctor in jeopardy, can you and your friends cobble together an argument that not only proves your innocence but shows how the hospital's golden boy was behind it all?

Please tell me if any of my info is incorrect, I'm basing most of my info on Wikipedia, sorry. But anyways here's a rewrite outline to how Open Heart could be without forcing an LI and sorry, Giraffe man is still important to the plot, as the antagonist of course. Please give me any suggestions you have.

And after book 1, said doctor is fired from Edenbrook but easily secures a job at Mass Kenmore and with it, so goes the reputation he brought which then kicks into gear the competition between the hospitals. And in this book, you get two more LIs, Aurora Emery and Kyra Santana. Aurora helps you out when you're feeling overwhelmed about the Dr. Manchild situation and reassures you that you did what's right and he needed to be taken down a peg. Kyra you meet when paying Elijah a visit on your break and she flirts with you in her typically morbid way. In this book you have to deal with conflicting feelings about dealing with your saboteur, increasing demands in Emergency Medicine, schedule conflicts with your friends/roommates, and strains on your romantic relationships.

#anti ethan ramsey #im not the most well versed in how medical internships and residencies go but i do know that you either go transitional or declare specialt #and i thought it would be interesting to explore different specialties in a medical book #and i know i kinda changed the plot a lot but i wanted mc to have good friends and also dislike dr mommy issues #and i thought it might be interesting to have to go against this goliath of the medical field whose friends with the entire board #and seen as the best doctor of his generation #also am i biased towards emergency medicine because they actually took good care of me when i broke my ankle? yeah.#and am i a bit bitter at the other doctors trying to push me out of the hospital two days post op as i have a panic attack because im alone?#yeah.

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oceanatydes · 4 years

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ethan & naveen have one of my favorite relationships in choices 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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flynnomalley · 4 years

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ethan needed closure with all that shit with his mom and that’s what he got. im not making him forgive her and i stand by that choice

#ethan ramsey #playchoices #open heart 2 #open heart #mc x ethan #op 2 #open heart mc #choices: stories you play #choices open heart

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cursed-choices · 4 years

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We stan Ethan’s new career path

#open heart #ethan ramsey #choices #playchoices #pixelberry #choices pixelberry #choices open heart #choices op #choices ethan #choices ethan ramsey

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choicesaddictionwriting · 5 years

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Hope | Ramsey x MC (Kendall Archer)

A/N: I know this sucks but I’ve been having a lot of trouble writing for this blog and just write for my other one. So when I got this idea I just rolled with it. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: At a meeting with the Hospital Board of Directors Ethan announces who he wants on his diagnostic team.

Hope | Ramsey x MC (Kendall Archer)

“I have decided to nominate Dr Archer for the fellowship,”

“Dr Archer…” A board member repeats right after him, Ethan didn’t know his name nor did he want to know but he knew his face.

“Yes,” Ethan nodded in confirmation, briskly, his eyes glancing over Harper, whose eyes were wide in surprise at his words before looking back at the five board members he was addressing.

He knew who Harper wanted him to pick. She had even told him who to pick. And maybe he should have just listened and perhaps before he met Kendall, he simply would have followed her instruction. Hospital bureaucracy wasn’t something he cared for, it was something he avoided, only indulging in it when he was forced to or when absolutely necessary.

But he was different now.

Everything was different now.

“We were under the impression that you and Dr Emery were in agreement as to who would be nominated for the fellowship,” Another board member, piped up.

“Clearly not,” Ethan stated, still standing at the end of the table, biting back any distaste.

“Well then Dr Ramsey, make your case,”

“I’m not disputing that Dr Aurora Emery, Dr Emery’s selection would not do well in the position and I agree that she has both consistently ranked highly and undoubtedly would be capable of taking the position…but,”

“But…” A nameless board-member encouraged much to his annoyance as he took a sharp breath and collected his thoughts.

No more thinking was needed.

“But,” He continued, his stance strong, his voice stern, “Dr Archer is different. She has every attribute a good doctor or someone with the potential to be a good doctor should have. Compassion, empathy, perspective and curiosity, And these qualities are more important than the superficial high ranking of interns. She didn’t come here thinking she was the best or already knew everything, she came her wanting to learn, to be better. Her only competitor herself and the limits she set. During her time here she has consistently shown an ability to handle the harsh realities of working here. She has made mistakes of course but she only makes them once. She has learnt that actions have consequences and that you can’t help everybody. But that doesn't mean she won’t try her hardest anyway. She is a dedicated individual whom I believe would exhaust every avenue three times before even considering giving up. And even then she would try something else. Which is the main reason she is my nomination, being a senior fellow on my diagnostic team means exhausting every avenue no matter how obscure to reach a diagnosis. Her ability to see beyond what is in front of her, think of ideas and make connections, as well as her extensive medical knowledge, is what will help her in this position.”

“Dr Ramsey,” Dr Emery called from down the hallway, causing Ethan to turn around in surprise, stopping as he waited for the Chief of Medicine to catch up.

“Dr Emery,” He acknowledged professionally, in the bustling hallway, “What can I do for you?”

They began to walk in step, everyone making way for them as they made their own way down the hallway to the children’s ward.

“Your intern, Dr Archer?”

“What about her?” He responded, his heart involuntarily racing at the mention of her, though he remained unfazed outwardly.

“She came up to me this morning asking me to manipulate a government subsidiary to provide care for a patient without insurance,” She relayed before explaining the situation fully to him.

“And you’re telling me?” Dr Ramsey questioned nonchalantly, expertly hiding all his emotions.

Impressive job, Rookie, he thought to himself.

“I need you to keep an eye on her for me,” She instructed, “I don’t want her getting the idea that she can go around saving everyone. Someone needs to put her in her place as her attending Physician. I’m giving you that job. You can’t save everyone, make sure she knows that,”

They had continued to walk, stopping at the glass doors of the children ward.

“You want me to stop her from finding unique ways to help people?” He countered, raising an eyebrow at her suspiciously.

“And what happens when she comes across the next patient that doesn't have insurance and she can’t find a way to help? I need her to be realistic and so do you if you want her to stick around,” She stated, before leaving him abruptly to catch up with another doctor down the hall.

Ethan sighed before turning around to the sight of the hectic Children’s ward. His eyes then widened at the sight of Dr Archer, doing a cartwheel for an audience of children all lined up in their beds. He watched for a second before swinging open the door.

“Dr Archer,” He called sternly.

“Yes, Dr Ramsey?” She responded before jumping and turning to look in his direction.

“This is a hospital, not a playground. What are you doing?” He instructed.

“Proving I can do a cartwheel,” She replied, nervously, looking at the kids who were all giggling under their sheets.

“What are you even doing here?”

“Checking up on Ellie here,” She informed, gesturing a small blonde girl no older than seven, “She came into the ER earlier and I promised I would check in,”

“And that involves a cartwheel in the middle of the ward?”

“No,”

“Get back to work, Rookie,”

“Oh, I’m on my break actually. I start again in,” She explained before glancing at her watch, “Five minutes. I should go, kids,”

“Bye Kendall,” They waved off almost in time as Kendall waved back before slipping out the hard down the hall.

Offering him an embarrassed smile as she brushed past him and began to sped walk back to internal medicine.

And Ethan couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched her go, despite his better judgment.

“And besides that, she has an excellent bedside manner. She knows how to talk to people, patients, everyone. She is a pleasure to work with and has been a pleasure to mentor. She has the capability to mould herself into a truly fantastic diagnostician. She has all qualities to do it as well as some that put her potential above everyone else's. She comes to work every day with the belief that day will be a good one. She has infectious optimism which may not be the first thing you think of when you think you good doctor but it’s what all good doctors should have. She has belief, hope that everything will turn our right. And she makes those around her believe it too. Not just patients but other doctors. Doctors who haven’t given a damn in years come in with this new found energy to help people. And it’s because of her. I know it because I too have felt it…”

“What about you?” What kind of doctor do you see yourself being in ten years,”

He watched intently as her face creased in momentary thought. Even in the midnight darkness her eyes still lit up as she spoke.

“The kind of doctor who could…make a difference in patent care,”

Ethan smiled in spite of himself, thinking of all she had already done, “More than you do now?”

“I’m only an intern! I do barely anything now,” She dismissed, her signature smile sad in spite of her carefree tone.

“Not true,” Ethan insisted, with a lot more passion than he intended but he made no attempt to restrain himself, “I’ve seen how hard you work for your patients. Even if they don’t always value it, you do make a difference.”

“But not enough,” She persisted, her positive demeanour diminishing with every word that was clearly coming from her deep-rooted insecurity which Ethan knew what obstructed her ability to see her own true potential, “I helped one uninsured patient receive care, but I can’t find loopholes for everyone,”

“Why not?” He demanded, knowing what she needed to hear.

“Because, because,” She almost stuttered, surprised by him, surprised enough that she thought hard about what to say, “Because the entire system needs to change, and I want to be a part of it. I’m going to be a part of it,”

She smiled brightly, any insecurity dissipated, as she radiated optimism…belief.

“And I have no doubt you’ll find a way,” He grinned back at her, any internal resistance he felt dismissed as he allowed himself to be completely armoured with her hope to the point that he could feel it himself.

No matter the unlikeliness of it and no matter what happened next she had made him believe that things could change, even if it was only briefly or for a moment which he knew wasn’t true. He was hopeful that she could do it, do what no one else could. She could change it all, she made him believe.

She made him hopeful.

“She doesn’t use patients as vessels to prove her worth or how impressive she is like Dr Emery and the other interns.” He persisted, the memory fading, “And that’s because she doesn’t need to prove it because she just is impressive. And I’m not referring to her impressive resume, of volunteer work and graduating top of her class at John Hopkins or even her medical knowledge and capability as a young doctor. She is impressive because she walked into these doors wanting to do good. And that is a desire that hasn't wavered.

Med school and inevitably this job train us into forgetting what are patents actually are and why we all because of doctors in the first place. The patients and our desire to help them. They are not cases to judged on the rarity or complexity of the condition they have. They are people, human beings, often in a there most vulnerable state when they come here. And much as they need capable and knowledgeable doctors, they also need another human being to depend on, to trust, to believe in. They need hope that they’re going to be okay and everything is going to be okay.

And Dr Archer gives them that.”

“I’ve exhausted every test, Rookie, what about that do you not understand?” Ethan demanded, getting up and raising his hands in frustration, “I don’t know what else I can do,”

“It’s going to be okay, Dr Ramsey,” She promised, Ethan could feel her eyes on him, despite his best efforts not to look at her, as he looks out the window of his apartment instead.

“You don’t know that,”

“And you don’t know that it won’t be,”

“I can’t let him die, Kendall,” He confessed, quietly, returning to couch, “And I also can’t break his trust. If anyone finds out the truth, he’ll fly to that beach, and I’ll lose any chance I have to save him. I don’t know what to do. I’m only what to do,”

Ethan then proceeded to hunch forward. He could feel her watching him again as he attempted to steady his rapid breathing. Then all of a sudden he feels the ghost of a hand on his knee and then the actual sensation. It was delicate and caused him to tense and stop breathing simultaneously. Though he recovered quickly, finding comfort in such a small act of intimacy.

“I’m here,”

“I know,”

“You’re going to get through this. We are going to solve this,”

“We?”

“I don’t know how much I help I’ll be but perhaps a fresh set of eyes or even a sounding board may help you. But I’m here if you need me, even if its to talk. I know you can do this,”

“You sound so certain,” He scoffed, downing the last of his wine.

“I am certain. I know you can do this. I believe in you,”

“Why?”

“Before we met I probably would have just said because you're the Dr Ethan Ramsey…”

“But now…?” He probed.

“Because the Dr Ramsey I know does everything he can and then some, especially for the people he cares about. You know he even went hunting for a stuffed frog in a storm drain,”

“Did he now?” Ethan almost chuckled, giving a small smile.

“He couldn't have done without me though,” She winked.

“This has never been a competition to her. In fact, she didn’t even want to compete at first and the only reason she did that was because joining my Diagnostic team meant that she would have the opportunity to help the people who need it the most and benefit the most from her knowledge and capability. Not because it means she’s the best intern or for the prestige of the position.”

“Rookie?” Dr Ramsey questioned, as he switched the light for the supply closet to find Kendall sitting in the corner, her head in her hands.

“Dr Ramsey,” She spluttered, standing up quickly, straightening out her jacket and rubbing her eyes in quick succession, “I was just looking for…”

“Rookie,” He said sternly, repeating himself, not breaking eye contact whilst, picking up her bloodshot eyes, and tear-stained cheeks.

She looked determined for a second longer before she sighed and turned away.

“Okay, you caught me,” She gave in, already defeated, “I was crying in the supply closet,”

“That was obvious,”

“This isn’t a regular thing,” She insisted, taking a deep breath to compose herself,’“ I haven’t cried in here since my first day,”

“Is that what we deem impressive nowadays?” He countered, characteristically, observing carefully, “Your ability to hold it together?”

“No, I just…” She started before sighing and plummeting back to the floor again, heavily.

“Kendall?” He asked, taken aback.

“Dr Ramsey, I’ll be ready for you to lecture me about my lack of emotional control in half an hour but right now…I just can’t,” Kendall whispered, “Can you just please leave me alone,”

Dr Ramsey nodded, before closing and locking the door to ensure they weren’t disturbed. He walked over and sat down on the floor beside her. She had put her hands once again.

“What happened?” He probed, gentler now.

“What are you doing?” She asked, raising her head a little to look at him sideways, her eyelashes damp and she blinked away fresh tears.

“You’re upset,” He stated, pointedly, handing her a handkerchief from his pocket.

“Why do you care?” She snapped, uncharacteristically to the point that she didn’t even immediately apologise after.

“As there is a high chance that you’ve done something that effects me, as your attending Physician, given how upset you are. So what is it? Have you given a patent the wrong medicine, misdiagnosed them or killed them?” He paused for her to answer, but she didn’t, “ I also care about you…”

“You do?”

“Yes,” He responded without thinking, before quickly scrambling to find something to add, “Like I care for all the interns,”

“Right,” She accepted, wiping her eyes.

“So?”

She sighed once again, “Someone turned off my pager,”

“Oh,” He nodded, he had already heard what had happened from a colleague.

“You heard?” She picked up.

“Your carelessness has been a hot topic today,”

“I didn’t…”

“I know,” He interrupted you, “I’ve seen you quadruple check your pager on multiple occasions,”

“Didn’t do me any good today though,” She brushed off.

Ethan felt his chest tighten at the sound of her feeling so defeated. Her brightness was dimmed and he could feel it physically. He hadn’t realised how much he had started to depend on her positivity to feel good himself.

“This completion isn’t worth it,” She suddenly said, shaking her head.

“Kendall…”

“Someone could have died because I decided to enter this competition,” She continued, breathing heavily, “And it would have been my fault because I decided to chase a dream over doing what I’m supposed to,”

“How could you possibly reach that conclusion?” He questioned, for the first time baffled by her ability to connect things together over amazed.

“I wouldn't be a target if I had joined this stupid fellowship race,”

“You aren’t a target because you joined, you’re a target because you have an actual shot of winning,”

“But it shouldn't be about winning.” She insisted, strongly, “It should be about doing our jobs to the best of our ability and someone earning it honestly, not cheating, sabotaging and putting patients at risk just to win. It’s not worth it. It defeats the whole purpose of doing this job,”

“You’re a good person, rookie,”

“You think I’m weak, don’t you?”

“No,” He corrected, “I think you’re a little naive to think that any of those other interns wouldn't step on your back to get to the top and if it were anyone else I’d say you need to get your act together and deal with it.”

“Then why aren’t you saying it?”

“Because your naivety or should I say your belief that everyone is good, your refusal to accept your position in the rat race to be the best, makes you who you are. And it’s what makes you the best intern, it what makes your competition. You don’t overthink, scheme or sabotage. You just do what you need to because your desire to help people is stronger than any of there desires to be the best. You’re a good doctor, Kendall…,” He responded, before adding despite his better judgement,

“You’re a good person,”

“So what should I do?”

“What you think is right. And don’t let them get to you again.”

“Ethan...”

“Dr Ramsey,” He corrected, looking away.

“Right,” She nodded, quickly, “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be, I’m sorry for...everything,” He apologised once again.

“Don’t be, I don’t regret it either,” She finally smiled.

“The only question now, in my opinion, is are we going to be the hospital that fostered the potential of one of the most capable doctors that’s ever walked through our doors or are we going to be the hospital that missed out on that opportunity.”

With his conclusion, the room remained silent. A couple of board members had begun nodding in consideration of his words but no one spoke as they contemplated everything they had just heard.

“Well, Dr Ramsey, you’ve given us a lot to think about. Since there are now two final candidates we’ll reconvene same time tomorrow,” The head announced as everyone stood up and began filling out the room.

Soon only Ethan and Harper remained in the Board-Room.

“What the hell was that?” She demanded.

“My nomination,” He stated, cooly, “I think I made a pretty good argument,”

“We had an agreement,” She reminded, walking over to him with all the command and authority that made her Director, “I thought we agreed…”

“We never agreed, you told me who to nominate,”

“Because she’s always been at number one,”

“In a number ranking, you designed and manipulated,” He breathed, meeting her eyes.

“I would never…” She began to defend, getting slightly in his face.

“Not directly no,” He agreed, “But you ensured she got every opportunity to get there and stay there. She is a good doctor undoubtedly but she would be in the same position as all the other good doctors we have if she wasn’t your niece,”

“Do you really think they’re going to side with you over me after that long waffling speech of yours?” She questioned, her eyes intently staring into his, looking for a weakness or anything that would give him away.

“I’m hopeful,”

“You should know better than to be hopeful,” She scoffed.

“You should know better than forgetting to be,”

#ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #op #ethan ramsey op #ethan x kendall #playchoices #play choices #choices #choices fanfiction #choices fandom #dr ramsey #dr ramsey x mc #ethan x mc

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

Somethin’ Stupid (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

Title: Somethin’ Stupid

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Antonella Valentini)

Warnings: Adult language.

Word count. 3.2k

A/N: So, this is my first songfic ever. And the first time I do a one-shot here on Tumblr. I know someday I’ll write something not song-related haha

The other day while I was doing the dishes, this song played on my shuffle and I had the idea to do this (Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman version, if you ask). I know songfics aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but what I found interesting about this song is that has a decent amount of lyrics and fits well with the narration. So here I am.

This is veeery light version of Ethan Ramsey, but just because he's under the effects of alcohol. I love angsty Ethan but I was feeling a bit self-indulgent so I wrote him a bit less serious. Hope you enjoy!

I apologize for any mistakes, English's not my first language.

Hope you enjoy it!

_______________________________

I make my entry to the Renaissance Boston Waterfront Hotel. Tonight, Edenbrook is holding a Farewell Dinner for Harper Emery, as she leaves her position as Chief of Medicine at Edenbrook and we receive Naveen Banerji in her place.

I have one thing in mind for tonight. Something I’ve been denying for months. And these past weeks more than ever. I wanted, I really wanted to put distance but is too fucking hard when is Antonella Valentini we are talking about. I can’t resist that woman. Her long copper hair, the sensual waves that she uses to control with a ponytail (and that have put perverted thoughts in my mind more times than I’m willing to admit); her green emerald eyes; his beautiful and rounded lips, always rosy like bubble gum… And sweet like a bubble gum if I may say.

I have tried to stay away from her. But it’s very difficult when you have to see her six days a week and to interact at least four times a day. And even if she tries to stay away from me, because I begged her to keep a civilized relationship after what happened between us; it’s so really difficult just seeing her in the eyes. Just see her jewels shining towards me.

Because just smelling the grapefruit blossoming in her neck makes my stomach quiver. And as if Naveen had X-ray powers, he knows how bad my stomach quivers every time I see her. He knows how difficult it is for me to stay away from her, even when he has encouraged me to take things to next level. As a friend and as my boss, he is pressing me to let my relationship with Valentini to blossom just like the tulips in spring.

“Naveen, I cannot be in a relationship when I’m her supervisor. I’m an attending and she is a resident, and I’ll be her boss once she starts working in the Diagnostics Team” I told him the last time he suggested that idea.

“So? I really don’t see the problem there.”

“Everyone is gonna question her position there, they’ll think she earned the position because she slept with the responsible for the selection, that her number one spot wasn’t such.”

“Did you forget that I selected her as Junior Fellow, Ethan? Mostly because she saved my life. She found a cure neither the best nor the second-best diagnostician in the USA could do. That’s not enough reason?”

“Of course, because we know the truth, but what about those who don’t know?”

“You’ll tell them to go to hell, as you do as usual.”

“What about the Board?”

“What about the Board? There’s no rule against attending-intern relationships, the only consequence is that you can’t evaluate her.”

“Mhmm yes, I know.”

“But you could keep an eye on her. Supervising her indirectly. I would take charge of the evaluations you are supposed to do, if you don’t want to deal with another attending to keep an eye on her.”

“You… You would do that?”

“Yes. As long as you stop pushing her away, I will. . You deserve to be together. Now, not in three years. There is no time to lose, my friend.”

My mind raced a million miles per hour until I finally convinced myself that it was the right thing to do. Naveen would always support me to give the impartial note in this. If we had an important disagreement, he, as Chief, would intervene. If I couldn’t evaluate her, Naveen would do it himself.

I was tired of pushing her away. I was tired of ending my days without her. I was tired of beginning my days without seeing her emeralds on my blue skies. I had lived 36 years without taking risks. Always acting profusely calculated. I was done with that. She’s worth every sacrifice I must do to be with her.

And now, I was entering the Ballroom.

I had the first-class table, obviously. I sit with Harper, Naveen, the Board Directors, even the Mayor of Boston and his wife. A few tables away, there she is, having a good time with her friends and an insufferable scalpel jockey that always seemed too touchy-feely with her to my liking.

Once the dinner’s over, all guests stand up from their seats. Some to have a drink, others to mingling, and others to go to the dance floor. I see her approaching the dance floor, and by the time I’m there, she’s dancing with her friends, laughing and making some jokes.

I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me.

I go for a scotch. I can’t do what I have in mind sober. I’m so fucking anxious and scared. Like a teenager. And even as a teenager I never felt this nervous.

An hour later, after bearing chitchat with some colleagues and other annoying people, I start to look for her again. And there she is. In the arms of that silly scalpel jockey that had nothing but a doll face, and even if he seems okay, he’ll always be a scalpel jockey to me. He had his hands on his waist while dancing an upbeat song.

Then a salsa starts, and he slides his hand through her entire body. How bold of that bastard. While they move to the sound of that Latin beat, his hands are tracing all her back, her waist, and his hips, slightly crossing the line to her bum. How dare he?

I drink my scotch in one sip and I approach them, feeling my head heavy and hot.

“May I have this dance, Dr. Valentini?”

Antonella turns to me a little surprised.

“You know how to dance salsa?” She inquires, playfully.

“Not so well, but I’m sure I can follow your steps.”

“Is fine by me” Antonella winks at Lahela with a smirk in her mouth. “Vamos a rumbear, Dr. Ramsey” She answers as she takes my hands. (T: Let’s go dancing, Dr. Ramsey)

“I didn’t know you speak Spanish”

“All my family, except my paternal grandfather, are Latinos. Mexico, Cuba, Puerto Rico. My grandad’s from Italy.”—She explains as she starts to make her moves.

One foot going forward, then the other. Then one foot to the right, then the other to the left, alternating while she waves her hips. And I have to go the other way around. If she’s going forward with her left foot, I have to go backward with my right one, and so.

“So I grew up in a Latino community back in New York. That’s why I know cómo rumbear. Salsa, Rumba, a little of Merengue, Bachata.”

“Mmm yes. I see. You were teaching Lahela como rumbear?” I ask trying to stay focused. But her hips just waving, swinging, and rocking against me when I pull her closer is just killing me. To look like an Irish queen, she moves her body like a Latina goddess.

“Nah, I’ve already taught him. We should probably practice for the next level, but I think it’s not suitable for a doctor’s dinner.”

My blood starts to boil just at the thought of her doing sexy dances in salsa clubs, her back against his chest. Their bodies flushed. He going handsy. No, no. No fucking way.

And if we go some place to dance, I know that there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me.

“Are you dating Lahela?”

“Quite a very intimate question Dr. Ramsey. Didn’t know attendings were so nosy.”

I know she’s teasing me. Not reflecting the question. But still, it’s killing me.

“Just curiosity. It has always been a mystery to me what’s your deal with him. You seem very confident with each other to be just friends, but I have never seen you doing something more than dance.”

“That’s because we don’t want anyone to know. We want people to wonder. Just as you, now. Leave it as a mystery”

“So you two are not”

“Why do you tell?”

“It’s just a game to you. You both enjoy make people wonder, that’s all.”

“Maybe. It bothers you?”

“Maybe”

“Why?”

“He’s a scalpel jockey, you could do so much better.”

“How yeah, how so?”

“Someone less shallow, more into your interests, your sharp mind.”

“Who says he’s not into it? We share interests in music, dancing, adventures. He has brains, you know? How do you think he made up to be Harper Emery’s favorite intern just after three weeks from her return to the OR?”

She’s defending him. Oh. My. Good. Lord. Don’t tell me she has fallen for him already.

“Brain to move his hands. I don’t think he could use his brain to anything else. Make it work to find solutions.”

“I still don’t see the point of keep talking about him.” She asks, trying to hide how upset she feels about my words—"I think we should leave this dance…”

“Of course not”

I press her against my body. I won’t risk my chance. He could leave with him tonight, and I won’t let that happen.

“Let’s change the topic then.” She says, a little more serious, looking right into my eyes.

“If you insist” I concede while I pull away from her to trace her body “You look beautiful tonight”

I look at her and her face reveals that she didn’t expect that. But how could I not notice how beautiful she’s looking in that emerald dress that matched her eyes so well? Or the cleavage it had in the middle of her chest, or how delicately highlighted was her waist?”

“Thank you”

“Emerald with ginger hair is a safe combination, but you look regal.”

“Wow. I think we should call an ambulance”

“Why?”

“Someone poisoned your drink. There’s no way you would compliment me like that just with scotch, your brain must be numbed.”

“I might have a few scotches on me, yes. But I’m lucid.”

“So lucid that tomorrow you won’t deny that you called me beautiful tonight?”

“I won’t. As I won’t deny the other things I might tell you later.”

I see her gulping. Her cheeks flushing, her grip quivering and then tensing.

“Ethan…”

“I’m thirsty, why don’t we go have a drink somewhere quieter?”

“Y…Yeah, sure” She agrees, her voice still quivering a bit.

I take her by the waist and we move towards the bar, ignoring all the curious glances from the attendees.

“Double scotch, neat. You, Rookie?”

“Mojito Cubano, please”

“I never saw you drink a Mojito before”

“It’s not like you have seen me drink too much to know my drinking habits. I don’t stick with one drink. I choose my drink based on my mood.”

“And the mojito what is for?”

“Freshen up.”

I raised an eyebrow

“I’ve been dancing for more than an hour. The body needs hydration”

“That’s what they teach you at Columbia? That to combat dehydration you should drink alcohol?”

“Don’t be a boomer, Ethan. I want a drink to keep having fun. And you won’t ruin my mood by ranting me for my hydration choice”

I smirk as I take a sip of my scotch. A few moments later she receives her Mojito. She took a sip with the straw.

“Mmmm this tastes so good. I’m gonna have like three of this, minimum.”

“Watch out, Rookie, your patients tomorrow are not expecting you to show them how much you drank tonight.”

“It’s my day off tomorrow, that’s why I’m drinking like there’s no tomorrow, cause, literally, there’s no tomorrow for me.”

Her words sound sticky, slow. She’s tipsy but she looks happy, and I love seeing her happy.

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two

I guide her out of the ballroom. There’s a window at the end of the hallway. We stand there. It shows Boston City from above. The lights of the city glistening like the freckles on her face.

Suddenly I hear her laugh.

“What is so funny?”

“I remembered Miami. How quiet it felt that night. The sea, the breeze. Just as now.”

“There’s no sea, no breeze”

“I know. But we have a great view and alcohol. What are you gonna say now? I never took chances, blablabla, I don’t gamble.” She mumbles, trying to fake my tone and the seriousness in my way of speak.

Funny thing is, the conversation I want to have with her it’s not much different from what it was in Miami. About taking chances, about falling for her. But now I wanted to make things right. Not recoil after telling her how I feel about her.

Was it the right time? Maybe she’s more than tipsy, and everything I say she might not remember it tomorrow. But how do I start? Why she wasn’t even looking for contact? She’s not even looking at me. When she used to look for me all the time. To try to kiss me when we were alone…Am I actually late? Is she with Lahela for real?”

“Even if it’s quiet here, I hear your brain hammering with questions. What’s bothering you?”

“I’m still wondering if you’re dating Lahela” I confess before I could stop myself from saying the most stupid and out of place question I’ve ever said.

“Why do you care so much what I do or what I don’t do with Bryce?”

“I…”

“I’m a single woman, I can mess around with whoever the fuck I want and I don’t have to explain myself to anybody.”

“I know. I’m not judging you, it’s just a question.”

“Even if you were judging me, I couldn’t care less what do you think of me. I only respond to me. You lost the right to ask about my personal life the moment you said we couldn’t be together.”

“You’re righ-.”

“Why you can’t just let me be happy? Why at the slightest indication of me being happy, doing my life, you come here as you have some right on me and you start making questions, wonder what I do with Bryce…”

“It’s not that, Antonella. I’m…”I’m just bloody jealous, but I can’t tell her that. or should I?” I just want to make sure you’re happy and being treated well.”

“Bullshit”

“It’s true. I…”

I see her taking a sip directly from the glass and not from the straw.

“Budshet” She insists, her mouth full of crashed ice.—”And I have no time for more bullshit, bye.”

I see her turn away toward the ballroom. A take a few large steps and I grab her by the wrist.

“Please don’t go”

“Leave me alone!” I could say she’s reacting that way because of the alcohol. In a normal situation, she wouldn’t yell at me like that, but I don’t mind. It’s just the two of us in the hallway, anyway.”I’m done with your bullshit, Ramsey. You say one thing, then you act the other way, asking personal questions as if I owed yo-“

“I love you” I confess. Her eyes open in surprise. There’s panic, disbelief. “I love you, Antonella.”

And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like, “I love you”

I cup my hand on her cheeks, looking at her expectantly. She closes her eyes at my touch. Our lips meet. A soft breeze until she pulls me away.

“So what? You’re gonna say all that and kiss me because you’re drunk and tomorrow you’ll make as nothing’s happened and you’ll ignore me like before? No. I’m not stupid to go through this again”

I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before

I could see her pain, her fear. And I couldn’t help but understand the way she was acting now. Protecting herself from being hurt again by me.

“This is different, Rookie. This isn’t going to be as in Miami, where I confessed and then I felt guilty and I ended up everything before if get more serious.I love you and I wanna be with you, Val”

And though it’s just a line to you, for me it’s true, and never seemed so right before

“I don’t believe you. Why would you want that when things are so complicated?”

“I don’t care anymore. If it’s complicated or unethical by my standards. I want to be with you, Antonella. Every day without you is agony. It’s like depriving myself of air.”

“Ethan…”

“I talked to Banerji, he supports me, he has a way to be together without jeopardizing your career”

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning come true

I’d been thinking the whole evening about how I can tell her my feelings. What I want. What we could have. But I never considered that she might not want the same.

“I’m sorry it took me this long. That I pushed you away after we showed how we really felt about each other. I could’ve handled the situation better. But now I’m here trying to fix this.”

She was speechless. Her mind racing a rapidly, I could almost hear her brain hammering, just as she could hear mine.

But then I think I’ll wait until the evening gets late, and I’m alone with you

She places her hand on my chest and then she encircled her arms around my neck. I could smell the fresh scent of mint in her breath and the citric notes of her perfume feeling glorious on her neck, exuding hormones, her womanhood at the feeling of my body against hers.

The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and, oh, the night’s so blue

“Ethan, are you serious? Real talk?”

“I am. This is the end of me running away. If you let me, this is the night for us to start.”

“Us?”

“I think we have to call an ambulance; someone poisoned your drink. You are having a hard time understanding what I want.”

“It’s not that I’m not understanding. I want you to tell me. Straight away. Leaving no doubts. You have to fight for it.”

“What can be more clear than an ‘I love you’, Valentini?”

And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like, “I love you”

“It’s not clear what are your intentions with me. I could tell that you have loved me for a while, but that hasn’t stopped you from pushing me away. Loving me doesn’t mean anything. If you want something from me, you have to earn it.”

Okay, Rookie, if that’s how you’re playing, let’s do this. I’m up for everything tonight. I don’t’ mind. I was feeling a teenager before I put a foot on this place. What does another teenager act do, when I’ve been acting like one the entire night? It was insignificantly easy compared to what I had done before. A piece of cake.

“Antonella Valentini, do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

Her eyes are filled with shock, then tears, and joy. Her cheeks flush. It was like all the alcohol left her body. She looked sober. Soberer than when she was actually sober. She hangs herself from my neck. I took her by the waist as soon as possible and I lift her.

“Yes. Yes! I wanna be your girlfriend, Ethan Ramsey.”

She kisses me sweetly in the lips. God. She’s amazing. The sweetest human being in the entire world. Then she pulls away.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” She whispers before coming back to me again. This time, to not leave me for eternity.

________

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