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kjmsupremacist · 3 years

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thorns just for spite alternate ending (johnny/taeyong)

thorns alternate ending where everything goes wrong.

you MUST read thorns (linked above) through chapter 13 before proceeding! chapter 14 is almost identical between the two versions to help orient you, but small changes have been made for tone.

Chapter 17 - artemisa absinthium | Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Epilogue Masterlist

Characters: Johnny, Taeyong, the rest of ot21 intermittently

Genre: florist!au, bakery!au, hanahaki disease!au, angst, hurt/no comfort, pining, tragedy

Warnings: major character death, loss & grief, cursing, blood, violence, heavy/dark themes

Rating: Teen & Up

Johnny goes to the funeral. He knows Eunyong and probably some of his friends will be mad, but Mark insists he come.

“Taeyong’d want you to be there,” he says. “I don’t care what Eunyong or anybody else says. You were his best friend, Johnny. It doesn’t matter how badly it ended. It would be disrespectful not to go.”

So Johnny goes to the funeral. Eunyong glares at him when he comes in, and spends the next few minutes seething with Doyoung, but nobody except Johnny notices. He’s fine with that. He knows her anger isn’t wholly misplaced. And for all their friendship, and all of Johnny’s love, Taeyong’s family gets to have their way today, so he can’t really fault her at all.

Taeyong’s parents, of course, are forgiving where Eunyong is not. They greet him with a hug; Taeyong’s mother is clutching a wad of tissues and he feels her shivering when he wraps his arms around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny whispers. “I mean, I’m sorry for how I acted.”

“It’s alright,” Taeyong’s mother replies. “Taeyong didn’t blame you, so we won’t, either. Besides, it’s no time for blame. We’re all hurting.”

Her kindness is like a knife.

Taeyong has an open casket, and Johnny can hardly bear to look at him for more than a moment. The cosmetologist filled out his cheeks somehow, so he looks healthier dead than he did in the last month or so of his life. It feels wrong. No part of this should masquerade as beautiful. Johnny wants people to see what this disease does. Johnny wants people to know how much it hurts. Taeyong’s death was not peaceful. Johnny wants to scrub the makeup away and show them—this is what this disease did to my best friend. This is what I let this disease do to my best friend. The boy I loved. My Taeyong.

He steps away from the casket after just a moment and tries to disappear in the mass of people sitting in pews, heads bent. It’s a hot, muggy day; they’re set for a thunderstorm sometime this afternoon. With all these people packed into a small space, even the air conditioning can’t stop the beads of sweat from lining his brow. He pats them away, almost irritable, as his parents come sit beside him. Mark’s family joins them, too.

Eunyong gives a speech so her parents don’t have to. Johnny doesn’t dare to look at her, afraid that meeting her eyes will incinerate him on the spot. He keeps his gaze trained on his lap, where his hands are twisting restlessly, and listens.

“My little brother was the kind of person who loved big and hard,” Eunyong begins. “When he was a baby, sometimes he’d grab my fingers so tight I thought he’d break them. Taeyong was the kind of person who loved everything.” She pauses for a breath. “Taeyong found love in everything. He loved this town. He loved our little flower shop; he loved each flower he picked to settle into its place in a bouquet. He loved my parents so much he dedicated his life to their livelihood. He loved me so much that, even after a childhood full of holding my hands so firmly I’d lose circulation, he let me go. I never thought I’d have to return the favor, but now, as I do, I realize that his love is what’s taught me how to do that, too.”

Johnny balls his fists, thinking about baby Taeyong and his crushing grip on his big sister’s pinky finger. He remembers when Eunyong first went away to college in the big city. Johnny went over to Taeyong’s house to keep him company that night. Taeyong had looked up at him over a game of Go, solemn and calm, and said, “She’s never coming back.”

“What?” Johnny asked, taken aback. “How do you know that?”

“Because she asked me last night,” Taeyong said, “if it was okay for her to go.” He clinked down one of his pieces and nodded at Johnny to take his turn. “I said yes.”

“But—she’ll come back to visit, right?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah,” Taeyong said, like it was obvious. “But this won’t be home to her. I don’t think it ever was. Not like it is for me.”

“What do you mean?” Johnny asked, puzzled.

Taeyong blinked at him. “Like, I want to be buried here, up on those beautiful cliffs,” he said. “Eunyong doesn’t.”

Mark told Johnny that Taeyong’s parents bought a plot by the sea. He’ll be buried under the lush green grass with a view of the ocean, like he said he wanted.

“Taeyong loved like forgiveness,” Eunyong is saying. “Taeyong loved like giving. That’s why this happened—not because he was weak, or stupid, or too young to know what was good for him. It’s because love, to him, even in its abundance, was too precious to throw away. I think he was right about that—even if in the end, that was what took him. Every time I love, I’ll think of him.”

People approach her tearfully afterwards to offer their condolences and tell her how beautiful her speech was. Johnny’s parents are among them, but Johnny slips away to get some fresh air. The air is even thicker outside, but Johnny doesn’t mind. He looks out over the lawn behind the church, and lets out a deep breath.

“You’ve got some nerve, showing up here.” Johnny turns, startled, and sees Doyoung shutting the door behind him as he walks out onto the patio. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and Johnny swings his head back around to see the storm clouds getting closer. “He was asking for you, even at the end, you know.” Johnny sees him come right up to him out of the corner of his eye, but he feels frozen. He can’t even turn to look; can’t bear to meet Doyoung’s eyes. “Have anything to say for yourself?”

Johnny sighs unsteadily. “What can I say, Doyoung?” he asks helplessly. “I know. I know I was wrong. I know I should’ve tried to talk to him sooner. I know I should’ve been there.”

“You know why he was asking for you?” Doyoung asks. There’s something odd about his tone, but Johnny can’t put his finger on it.

“I was his best friend,” Johnny replies. His voice trembles. He trembles. “And he was mine. Of course he wanted to see me. I know.”

“No,” Doyoung says. “No, it wasn’t that.” He shoves Johnny’s shoulder, making him stumble. Johnny wrenches his gaze from the sky as he hears another rumble of thunder, louder this time. “Look at me. Look at me, you asshole.” Johnny finally meets his eyes, and sees that they’re bright with tears and gleaming with rage. “Did you ever wonder who he was in love with? Did you ever wonder who it was he loved so much he’d die for it?”

Johnny’s stomach sinks; he feels sick. “Yes,” he says hoarsely. “All the time.”

A tear slips down Doyoung’s cheek as his face crumples. The air around them is heavy and wet; the storm will break any second. “So did I,” Doyoung hisses. “And it turns out—it was you. He loved you, Johnny!” He strides up to him and shoves him again. Johnny staggers backwards, off the patio and into the grass. He feels a drop of rain hit his nose.

Doyoung follows; he reaches out and grabs the lapels of his jacket and shakes him. “He loved you, and he died for you, and you wouldn’t even come to tell him you were sorry! And still he loved you. He died thinking you hated him, and still he loved you!” Doyoung’s crying in earnest now, and the rain is really beginning to fall. Johnny feels it on his head and on his shoulders. His chest feels hollow and empty. He finds himself wishing for the flowers again as Doyoung’s words finally hit him. My dream was right. It was me all along. Why didn’t I go sooner? Why didn’t I see it? “You didn’t deserve his love, and now he’s gone, and I blame you.”

Johnny can only stare blankly beyond Doyoung, at the trees at the edge of the yard as his vision blurs with tears. “Me,” he mumbles faintly. “He loved me.”

“Now you cry?” Doyoung’s tone is wild; he laughs, derisive. “Now you feel bad; now you want to apologize?” He releases him, pushing away.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny says, and Doyoung raises his fist. The crack of his knuckles against Johnny’s cheek coincides with a bright flash of lightning. The wind whips the trees as Doyoung hits him again. Johnny throws his arms up in a feeble attempt to defend himself, but he can hardly bring himself to care. In a way, the pain is good. He knows he deserves it.

“It’s too late!” Doyoung sobs, raising his voice to be heard above the whistling of the wind and the roar of the rain. “It’s too late; he’s gone!” He tackles him, sending them both crashing to the ground. The grass is already soaked, and the cold of the wet is like ice on Johnny’s back. “Why the fuck did you even come today, huh?” Doyoung punches him again and again, some hits landing on Johnny’s forearms, others successfully making contact with his face. Johnny feels his cheek start to swell. “To pretend to mourn? To act like you care, now that he’s dead?” He spits the last word at Johnny like a curse. “How dare you?” His voice is venomous; it shakes with his grief. “How dare you?”

“I loved him, Doyoung!” Johnny gasps. “I loved him. I was sick too, and it was for him.”

This shocks Doyoung into stillness, arms still raised, eyes wide. “What?” he whispers.

“The fight we had, I was trying to convince him to get the surgery with me,” Johnny rushes out through his tears. “And that day—the day I finally went over, I was going to try again. I was going to tell him, I was going to tell him everything. I hoped maybe it would convince him, I don’t know. I didn’t know he loved me. But I—but I was too late.”

Doyoung scrambles off of him, chest heaving. “You have hanahaki, too?”

“Yes,” Johnny says, gingerly pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Yes. I—I went and got the surgery last week. For my mom.” He doesn’t know why he’s explaining. Maybe he’s afraid Doyoung won’t believe him. “I couldn’t leave her.”

Doyoung pushes himself to his feet slowly, brushing off his pants. His knuckles are bloody and torn. He shakes his head. “All this time,” he whispers. “All this time, you could’ve saved each other. None of this would’ve happened.”

“I didn’t know,” Johnny repeats, feeling numb. “I didn’t know.”

Doyoung draws in a deep breath, like he’s about to say something else. But then he just lets it all out, shaking his head again. The burning anger in his eyes has dulled to a cold fury. “It should’ve been you,” he says through gritted teeth, and then turns and walks back towards the church, leaving Johnny alone in the grass with the rain.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. He knows Doyoung is right. It should’ve been him. He wants the earth to swallow him whole, wants a bolt of lightning to strike him, wants to drown. Taeyong loved me, he thinks. Taeyong loved me. The answer was right there the whole time.

Eventually, he hears footsteps approaching, and feels a hand on his shoulder. Mark’s face comes into view as he squats down in front of him, pressing a napkin to his cheek. “Hyung, you’re bleeding,” he says. “Come inside. Come on.”

Johnny searches Mark’s face desperately. “I didn’t know, Mark,” he whispers. “I wish I’d known. I wish I’d said something, I—”

“It’s okay,” Mark says quickly. He tugs Johnny’s arm, shushing him when he sobs. “Come on. Doyoung didn’t mean it, he’s just really sad, like the rest of us. It’ll be okay, you’ll see.”

“I loved him, Mark,” Johnny mumbles as he lets Mark pull him to his feet. “I loved him.”

Mark walks steadily beside him, holding him up. His voice quakes with the weight of his words. “I know, hyung,” he says. “I know.”

= = =

The months pass blurrily. Summer gives way to autumn; autumn bleeds into winter, and before Johnny knows it, his 24th birthday is long past and the snow is melting. Fresh green stalks are poking their heads out of the half-frozen ground. The kids who are in college are coming back soon; Sicheng and Jaehyun are graduating. Chenle is graduating high school; now only Jisung will be left. Everyone is growing, healing, moving on. Everyone except Johnny.

Though the grief has dulled somewhat, it still remains, a constant, unpleasant thrumming in the back of Johnny’s mind. The problem is, he doesn’t let himself move on. There’s a theory about grief, which is that it’s like a button, and you are a box around your grief and the rest of your thoughts. At first, it hurts all the time, because as your thoughts bounce around, they don’t have a lot of places to go, so they end up bumping against the grief button a lot. But as time passes, you’re supposed to grow around it. The box gets bigger, so there’s more room for your thoughts, and they start bumping into the button less and less. That doesn’t mean that every time you do hit the button that it doesn’t hurt as much as it did at the start, but you hit it more and more rarely, so you’re not so bogged down in it anymore.

Except, Johnny doesn’t grow. His box stays the same. Or maybe his grief just grows with him, an emotional tumor left from the disease that no surgery could ever fix. Or maybe it’s not grief at all; it’s guilt, terrible and vast and unkillable. No matter how much Johnny grows, it fills that space, hungry and vicious. He should’ve done something. That’s all he can think. He should’ve done something. He should’ve known. Why hadn’t he known?

Finally it’s warm and dry enough out that he can go visit the cemetery at night without freezing or catching cold. He doesn’t like to go during the day because he doesn’t want anybody to see. He feels like he shouldn’t be there still, even after all this time. Johnny’s busy with the bakery during the day, anyway. And besides, who wants their pain to have witnesses?

So one night when he can’t sleep, he pulls on a thick jacket and drives out to the graveyard. It’s a little removed from the town, on the cliffs that face the sea. He can hear the crash of the waves as soon as he turns off his car engine. Sighing, he gets out of the car and ambles down the rows, searching for Taeyong’s grave. He’s only been twice this whole time; once with his parents, and once with Mark and Jaehyun, but he’s pretty sure he knows his way.

Someone is standing in front of Taeyong’s grave, and Johnny pulls up short. It’s too late, though—the figure has turned towards him, having heard his footfalls even over the crash of the waves.

“Sorry,” Johnny mutters, turning to leave, fear and grief souring the air in his lungs.

“No, wait.” Doyoung’s hand twitches at his side. “It’s okay.”

Johnny takes two steps closer. They’re silent for a moment.

“Can’t sleep?” Johnny asks finally.

Doyoung tilts his head side to side. “Something like that,” he replies. Silence again. “He knew about you, didn’t he?” he asks after a few long minutes. “That you were sick, too?”

“Yes,” Johnny says. “Before I even told him.”

“He’s good at that,” Doyoung says, his breath catching in his throat mid-sentence. He pauses before he corrects himself. “He was good at that.”

Another stretch of silence follows. Johnny listens to the waves, breathing deep and steady, eyes trained on the gleam of the moonlight on Taeyong’s gravestone.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung says softly. “I lied. At the funeral.”

“What?” Johnny asks.

“He didn’t think you hated him,” Doyoung clarifies, and Johnny releases a breath. “In the end. He understood. He knew you weren’t angry. Just sad.”

“Thank you,” Johnny says. It feels worse that way, almost. But it is so like Taeyong. It makes him ache. “Thank you for saying that.” Another pause. “I knew you weren’t angry, either, not really,” he adds. “At the funeral. Just sad.”

Doyoung nods slowly. “Will you forgive me?” he asks.

“For almost breaking my nose?” Johnny offers him a quick, thin smile. “Yes, Doyoung.” He balls his hands into tight fists in his pockets. “Will you forgive me? For abandoning him?”

Doyoung hesitates, but nods. “Yes,” he says. “You didn’t do it on purpose.”

“But I did it,” Johnny says, still staring at Taeyong’s gravestone. Doyoung doesn’t try to argue. Johnny is grateful.

They stand quietly again. The night is turning colder; the wind picks up and carries with it the smell of salt so strong, it makes Johnny feel a little sick.

“I’m leaving in the morning,” Doyoung says quietly. “For the city. Taeil’s old roommate moved out last week, and he needs someone to split the rent. So I came to say goodbye.” He looks up; Johnny can see the movement out of the corner of his eye. He waits until Johnny turns to look back at him before he continues. “I’m glad I ran into you,” he says. “I’m glad I don’t have to leave without speaking to you. I mean, I understand better now. About why you did what you did. It’s hard to pick up the phone and call. I meant to. The time just… slipped away from me.”

“I could’ve called, too,” Johnny points out.

“Taeyong could’ve called, too,” Doyoung agrees. “So I’m saying I understand.”

Johnny nods. “I’m glad I ran into you, too.”

Doyoung’s eyes are shining. “Will you promise to take care of him?” he asks, nodding to Taeyong’s grave. “When I’m gone?”

Johnny feels a deep sadness unfurl in his chest like smoke, heavy and dark and burning. “Of course,” he says. “I’ll visit all the time.”

“Good.” Doyoung turns, gazing out over the sea. “I think he’d like that.”

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hellokpop · 5 years

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Album Review: Jambinai - Onda https://www.hellokpop.com/review/album-review-jambinai-onda/

#Bomi Kim #Byeongkoo Yoo #Eunyong Sim #Ilwoo Lee #Jaehyuk Choi #Jambinai #Onda #The Tell-Tale Heart #김보미 #심은용 #온다 #유병구 #이일우 #잠비나이 #최재혁

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years

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Devoted 2.

part 10

Overall warning/s: kinkier smut (eg. voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.) character death, dark themes

Chapter warning/s: vulgar language, violence

Just how devoted is Jaehyun to you?

prev: part 9

wc: 6.3k

You, your mom, Jaehyun’s mom, Yebin, and Minkyung had arrived at the resort a little past noon and were immediately served lunch as the resort staff brought your bags to the room. After eating and resting for a bit, Jaehyun’s mom led everyone to where the wedding venue could be and visualized it for them.

The pathway to the recreational garden had butterfly bushes on each side that lead to a spacious circular area that could fit just enough for your target wedding entourage. There was a gorgeous fountain offset from the center of the area that had beautiful, healthy, large kois swimming about in the basin and a metal fence that had Chinese honeysuckles creeping through the bars that separated the area from the beach.

“What do you think, sweetheart?” Jaehyun’s mom turned to you, eyes sparking and hopeful. A resort staff brings over a tray of champagne for everyone and leaves after everyone has their own glass.

“It’s beautiful, definitely.” You looked up at the looming cherry blossom trees over the fountain, imagining what it would look like when spring comes with the petals filling each basin and flowing down with the water. “But I feel like there’s something missing.”

Minkyung took pictures for you on your phone to send to Jaehyun and for his mom to use as reference for planning. “What’s the color scheme again?”

“Pink and gray.” You answer, although a bit unsure if you wanted to push through with it. “Unless it’s too pink? With the cherry blossoms and all?”

“It depends on the shade of pink you want.” Jaehyun’s mom interjects, “I suggest something a bit deeper… like watermelon.”

“Wouldn’t that be red already?” Yebin curiously speaks up, already finished with her drink, hanging it haphazardly by the flute’s foot between her fingers.

“No, not literally watermelon red.” You explain, “It’s a darker shade of pink. Ah, I wish I had my paint swatches.”

She waves her other hand, “No, no, it’s okay. Just don’t make me wear anything short as a bridesmaid.”

“Isn’t the trend to use infinity dresses for bridesmaid gowns? That was my plan.” You walked over to her and linked your arm with hers. The sea breeze was cool despite the afternoon sun; it was a perfect day to lounge by the pool or wade in the shallow waters of the beach. You leaned your head on Yebin’s shoulder and sighed, “I don’t think I want to get married here. It’s a nice venue, maybe for a reception, but not the ceremony.”

“Then let’s go to my aunt’s place! I haven’t even been there, but knowing her, it’ll be gorgeous.” Yebin leans back on you, “She’s a landscaper.”

The private property was completely walled off with 2-story cement walls with vines creeping up from the ground. From the metal gates up to the parking space in front of the house were tall pine trees and the road leading up to the majestic water fountain surrounded by rose bushes was gray gravel. There was a woman that stood just where the gravel stopped and was replaced by ceramic tiles; she had salt and pepper pixie cut hair and wore high waist trousers with a simple tank top. Something about her screamed ‘boss bitch’ and you’re not doubting she’s related to Yebin.

“Eunyong!” Jaehyun’s mom greets once the car comes to a stop, throwing her hands up as the woman approaches her. They kiss their cheeks and hug each other, “Thank you for this.”

“Oh, honey, you know this is nothing. Who is she? Who’s the lucky girl marrying your son?”

Jaehyun’s mom holds her hand out to you and you bashfully greet her, “Hello. I’m [Y/N].”

“To be marrying Jung Jaehyun and having his mom plan the wedding?” She takes your hands and smiles fondly at you, “You’re a lucky girl. You must be so happy.”

“I still can’t believe it myself.” You admit, “Thank you, again, for lending your property.”

“Anything for the Jungs. Oh, Yebin! What a small world, you’re friends with [Y/N]?”

Yebin gives her aunt a kiss on the cheek, “We were roommates all our college life with Minkyung.” She gestures to her, who bows her head in greeting.

“My! I think I’ve seen you in a fashion show in Europe, my dear.”

Minkyung blushes, “Well, I am a model.”

After you introduce your mom and a few more pleasantries, Eunyeong gives you a tour of her property. She first led everyone to the 3-story mansion and explained that it had 15 ensuite bedrooms, 4 extra bedrooms, and the first floor was mostly an open living area with a luxurious kitchen and pantry to the right and an olympic sized pool, with half under the building and the other half exposed under the sun. She then walked through the marbled floors, guiding everyone to the garden. Like the resort, there were hedges that separated the grass from the sandy beach. Tall trees, among them were cherry blossoms, were lined along the walls and varieties of bushes and shrubs grew beneath them.

“This area is a blank canvas for you, [Y/N].” Eunyeong puts a hand on your shoulder, gesturing to the wide space of grass in front of them. “Tell me what the color scheme is and I’ll have the perfect flowers ordered so they’ll be ready by the wedding.”

“Pink and gray, but I’m still on the fence about it.”

“Don’t worry, dear, I’ll take care of it. I have a few ideas already.” Jaehyun’s mom assures you, opening the iPad she had and taking a picture of the landscape. “And if you’re still unsure, then it’s fine. We have months to go.”

A ringtone erupts from behind you and Minkyung exclaims, “Oh, [Y/N]! Jaehyun is calling!”

You had almost forgotten she had your phone, thanking her as she hands you the phone and you take a few steps away from them to answer the call. “Babe?”

“Hi, baby. Just thought I’d check up on you.”

“I’m alright. I was going to send you pictures so you can help me decide but,” You paused; staring at the open garden. Eunyong was right, it was like a blank canvas. You weren’t able to visualize it awhile ago, but now that you’re hearing Jaehyun’s voice, your mind just paints the picture in your head and it almost makes you tear up, “I think this is where I want to marry you.”

“Is it that beautiful?” There was that specific teasing tone in his voice that you would have rolled your eyes at, but instead you let yourself chuckle, eyes still fixated forward; taking notice of the waves past the green hedges.

“It’s perfect.”

After meeting with Eunyong and having a meal there, they return back to the resort where the mothers spent most of their day at the spa, while the quote-unquote younger generation lounged by the pool to get a tan. Yebin and Minkyung tried to plan a bachelorette party, but you turned them down, not wanting one at all. They all met up again for dinner, enjoying the 5-course meal by the window that opened up to the beach. Minkyung and Yebin fill the silence with stories from their work; Minkyung shares some runway mishaps and minor wardrobe malfunctions she’s had and Yebin tells them about the business ventures she’s been tackling. When it came to you, you expressed your concerns about starting your own company, adding the fact it stemmed from Jaehyun’s wishes for you to stay at home instead. You couldn’t help but catch the disappointed and worried look on his mother’s face before she covered it up by drinking her glass of wine.

When they all retreat into their suite, Jaehyun’s mom opted to head out to the balcony and sit out there. You hadn’t paid much attention to it, going to your room to get ready for bed, but when you’ve done your nightly routine and talked a bit with Jaehyun on the phone, you stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. You slipped out of your room, thinking Jaehyun’s mom must have gone to bed, until you were proven wrong as you see her still seated outside holding herself from the cold, night air. Grabbing a spare blanket from the cabinets, you walked over to her and put it over her shoulders.

“Mrs. Jung, you’ll get sick.” You quietly said, taking a seat on the adjacent chair.

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re marrying my son. You can call me mom or mother now.” She softly chuckles, “And I hadn’t realized that I’ve been out here for too long. I just remembered something, that’s all.”

“If you’d like, you could talk about it to me.” You offered, folding your hands over your lap, “I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not best to go to sleep with a heavy heart.”

“It’s nothing, dear, you don’t have to worry.” She looks over to the dark abyss of the night sea, unable to see the waves crashing into the shore despite hearing them clear as day. Every now and then an owl hoots somewhere in the trees. She looks back at you with a smile, eyes tired from the day’s activities, “How about you, dear? It seems like you can’t sleep either.”

You wanted to tell her everything; from what Jaehyun had done in college to the current issue at hand. This woman is going to be your in-law, yet she’d been acting like your second mother since you’ve met her. A part of you always feared she’d be wicked and mean towards you, but all those thoughts were thrown out the window once you got to know her more.

“I…” You started off, and her perfect brow just lifted up ever so slightly, “I know about Jaehyun’s disorder; the BPD.”

In an instant, there was shock in her eyes as if she had heard you wrong, but then it morphed into something similar to fear. “Oh. H-how did…?”

So you told her everything you could in the steadiest voice you can muster; from the incident in college, to the therapy sessions, to the threats against you, you told her everything and it amazes you that you were able to admit it without crying. You’re not going to lie; telling someone else felt relieving, especially since it’s someone who knows Jaehyun — literally raised him. You only stopped when you noticed her eyes tearing up and you internally panicked.

“You know about my son’s condition?” Her lips quivered, brows finally burrowed and a hand flies over her mouth to contain her sob.

“M-mother…” You stuttered, holding your hands out to her. “I— no matter what happens, I’m not going to tell anyone else about it, I promise—”

“Oh, sweetheart,” She quietly cries, “All these years, I’ve feared my son won’t be able to find someone to love and understand him. [Y/N], you’re godsent. You know what goes through his head… he’s shown you what he could do… yet you stayed? You still want to marry him?”

This makes you tear up, somewhat understanding the fear of a mother for their child. “I’ve thought about it for so long honestly, but no matter what excuses I come up with, I can’t imagine a future without him.”

She cries a little harder, hiding her face into her palms. You move to sit beside her, putting an arm around her and hugging her gently. After a while, you pull away and she looks at you with a smile. “Thank you for loving my son.”

“Thank you for giving birth to him.”

This makes both of you laugh as she pulls you into a hug, “[Y/N], sweetheart, if ever his BPD acts up, if he ever scares you again, please come to me, okay?”

You replied with a promise, hugging back and feeling your eyes stinging at the sudden weight being lifted over your chest.

“Now,” She says, pulling away and holding onto your shoulders, “Tell me more about these threats. I can’t believe Jaehyun wouldn’t tell us about it.”

“He probably thinks he has it under control and I trust him. We don’t want any of you to worry.”

“That’s nonsense! We’re your parents, we’re always worried about you.” She scolds, “But knowing Jaehyun, he probably has done the most he can do. I’m sure this issue will be resolved soon… and I’m sorry for the things Jaehyun has done in the past. I wish I could say I would have done something to stop him, but his father—”

She stops mid-sentence, lashes fluttering as she realizes the words that were about to come out of her mouth. She inhales deeply, “You’re marrying into the family. You have the right to know. Most of the Jungs have BPD; it’s horrible that it’s genetic, but with proper therapy it would mean nothing.”

You licked your lips, already knowing this fact. “So… Jaehyun’s father…”

“His father and I were arranged to be married. It made sense because our parents were business partners so we didn’t have any qualms on it, his father was quite handsome — I’d have to admit that Jaehyun is practically the carbon copy of him now. But then eventually, I learned that his father had personally requested to have us arranged. When I confronted him about it, he chalked it up to him liking me but being shy around me. He first showed me his true colors when he demanded me to quit my work; I’m an event planner, I travel all around the country for my work if needed and he didn’t like that. He accused me of cheating and such, which were all false of course, but he just couldn’t believe it. He started getting angry, very vocal, never laid a hand on me though, but I still got scared. It was when we found out that I was pregnant with Jaehyun that he finally told me everything about him, how he was scared he’d inherit it. That was the first time I’ve seen him so vulnerable and raw. It was then I decided to obey him and quit my job.”

“I thought you left your job to take care of Jaehyun.”

“No,” She sighs, “I left my job because his father told me to.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

You smiled, although your brows were furrowed. It was Monday morning and you were preparing lunch since Kyungwon was coming over to work things out for Yuta’s apartment. Jaehyun was supposed to arrive later that evening until you received a call from him and put him on speaker.

“Jaehyun, it’s fine. I understand. Work is work. Do what you have to do.” But you have to admit you’re a little disappointed his trip had to be extended for a few more days since he had to go to China to meet up with Sicheng.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to. Just stay safe, okay?” You silently hissed when you accidentally touched the metal knob of the pot lid. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Tell Kyungwon I said hi.”

“Okay. Bye, baby.” You glanced over to your phone and waited for him to drop the call before checking the penne pasta you’ve been boiling. Kyungwon had originally told you to come to the office, but you insisted she came over instead and she had no qualms about it. You’ve already laid out your laptop and papers on half of the dining table so you two could get things done quickly.

She arrives a little past twelve since she came from the office and right off the bat, you could tell something was off with her. She was still her bubbly self, but something wasn’t right. You couldn’t question her about it because she commented about being hungry and it would be rude to keep your guest waiting for food.

“Oh my god! So you’ve chosen a wedding location already? Ah! [Y/N], I’m so excited for you!” She squeals, vibrating in her seat so hard that the pasta she’s stabbed through her fork has fallen back onto the plate. “And a spring wedding? Gosh! It’s going to be beautiful.”

“Enough about me, Kyung. How about you? What’s been going on back at the office? Are the old employees back?”

“Yes. Ugh! Somehow they got it into their heads that they’re so great because they got rehired by the company.” She scowls, rolling her eyes and shoving pasta into her mouth. “But aside from that, it's the same old, same old. Oh! Eunbi from finance is pregnant with her rebound.”

“Rebound? She broke up with her boyfriend?”

Kyungwon shakes her head with a smug look on her face, “No, honey, her boyfriend dumped her last month.”

“Oh my god, is the rebound going to take responsibility?”

“It looks like it. She’s a lot happier — and good for her! Her ex was rude whenever he got invited to any of our hangouts.”

You nod your head, picking up your glass of water, “So how about you? Have you gotten laid yet?”

She uncharacteristically falls silent, eyebrows shooting up to her forehead as she avoids your gaze momentarily until she snaps it back to meet your stare. In one breath, she says: “Okay, don’t be mad but I slept with Yuta.”

You pushed your chair back, trying to hold yourself back from spitting the water you had just drank. After forcefully swallowing, you breathed in deeply and looked back at Kyungwon, who now covered her blushing face with her hands. “Whoa.”

“You said it was okay!”

“I’m not scolding you!”

She threw herself back on the seat and whined, “I’ve kept this secret for so long since I can’t blab about it back in the office. Oh, [Y/N], he’s a fucking god.”

You pursed your lips, “I don’t think I need to know the details about my client’s sex life.”

“Okay, but he’s a fucking god.”

You laughed, shaking your head in disbelief. “It’s either that’s true or you’ve been out of the game for too long.”

“Please. None of my exes can compare to what that man did to me.” Her dreamy smile slowly falls, “But we made it strictly physical and he seems pretty closed off, too.”

“Wait, it wasn’t just a one night stand?”

She flicks her hair off her shoulder and clicks her tongue, “I guess he’s lonely, too.”

“But good for you, Kyungwon. At least you’re getting laid.”

“Why do you sound like you’re not getting laid? You’re getting married to a Greek god.”

“It’s not that.” You laughed, “Did it sound like that? It’s just because he’s overseas at the moment and I’m feeling lonely.”

Kyungwon snorts, side-eyeing you as she takes a drink from her glass. “Honey, don’t tell me you solely depend on Jaehyun to get off.”

“I—” You feel your face heat up. Come to think of it, you haven’t masturbated in a while. You’ve touched yourself, but those were in front of him and he’d never let you come undone with your fingers alone. “Well, no, I don’t. I can do it on my own, but it’s just not gratifying.”

“Is it bad that I’m curious what he’s like in bed?”

“Only if you try to find out.”

“God, no, of course not.” She recoils, “Just one of the many curiosities I have that I won’t act on. This thing with Yuta is a weekly thing, you know. Unless he calls me.”

You finish your meal, “You’re a booty call.”

“I’d do anything for that dick.”

“Hey, he’s our client, remember. Don’t get hypnotized by the dick.”

“Oh, [Y/N], if you only knew.” She lets out a dreamy sigh and you laugh, throwing your napkin at her.

“I don’t plan to. Get your head out of his pants, we have to work on his apartment.”

After putting away your dishes, you and Kyungwon began to work; making final checks for orders and deliveries, browsing for more design pieces, and the likes. It took longer than you two expected, extending up two hours than what you had originally planned. You finally decided to stop when you spy from the corner of your eye Kyungwon stifling a yawn, uploading all your work onto the shared drive between the three of you before stretching your arms upwards.

“Are you hungry?”

“Please tell me you have some good ol’ ramen in your pantry.”

You scoffed, “Of course, I do. I’ll go make some right now.”

You have the ramen cooked and ready for consumption in no time; each of you had a full bowl with a few side dishes you were able to put together while the water boiled. Instead of work, you and Kyungwon talked about your new house; told her about the materials you wanted, your plans for each room, the layout, and she even offered her own insight that you considered.

“4 bedrooms on the second floor?”

“Well, 3 bedrooms and the nursery. The fourth room will be turned to a walk-in closet for me and Jaehyun to share.”

“Oh my god, that would be a dream to design!”

You purse your lips, “Well, the two extra rooms are for our future kids. I’m sure they’ll want to renovate as they grow older. Would you like to work on their rooms when the time comes?”

She fakes a gasp, covering her mouth, “I would be honored! But gosh, when’s this happening? In 20 years?”

Both of you laugh as you finish your noodles. Kyungwon offered to do the dishes, but you refused, and fortunately, she received a call from a different client that forced her to leave. She thanked you for the day and you walked to the door, where both of you were surprised to see Hyunwoo about to ring the bell.

“Good evening, ma’am. These came in for you.” He smiles, holding out the flowers and teddy bear.

“Oh, thank you.” You glanced at Kyungwon, showing your confusion at the situation.

“I’m totally not jealous that your fiance sent you apology gifts for not coming home today.” She shrugs her shoulders, feeling the teddy bear’s ear between her fingertips. “But I’m oddly really happy for you. See you soon, [Y/N].”

You kiss her cheek and wave her goodbye, “See you, Kyungwon.”

After they leave, you heaved a sigh and inspected the gifts. Red roses, like always, and a pretty hefty teddy bear. You thought it was odd, but Jaehyun has his cheesy moments, excusing the teddy bear as a stand in for himself so you won’t get lonely until he gets home. You walk back to the dining table to put the gifts down and pick up your phone, dialling his number to thank him, but the call wouldn’t connect. He’s either on the plane already or he doesn’t have a signal. Instead, you put the flowers in a vase and placed it on the dining table as a centerpiece.

Before having a late dinner of some scrambled eggs and spam, you worked on both the interior of the mansion and looking for a wedding gown inspo. Sooyeon told you to prepare what you had in mind for a wedding gown and she’ll hook you up with any of the top wedding dress designers in the industry. You’re torn between empire and A-line dresses, liking both fits on your body but couldn’t decide which is better for the theme. You also didn’t know if you wanted lace or tulle, what type of neckline, the accents, etc. All the dresses looked so good and you already know not to bring it up to Jaehyun because he’ll make some bullshit excuse to buy all of them. Although you don’t mind having different dresses; like changing into something more simple for the reception. You were also concerned about what shoes to wear since it’s a garden wedding, you wouldn’t be able to wear heels that you would have preferred.

You have a shower before heading to bed, taking your time in lathering your body with lavender-scented body wash to help you relax. After breezing through your nighttime routine, you walked out to the bed while tugging your hair loose from the haphazardly tied bun you put in. Seeing the empty bed reminded you of the teddy bear you had received earlier and you quickly went out of the room to grab it on the dining table to retrieve it. You weren’t really going to sleep with it, but you’d like to put it on the accent chair you had on the opposite side of the room.

Your phone rings just as you were about to put on some lotion and you smile to yourself seeing Jaehyun’s name. You put him on loudspeaker, “Hi, baby.”

“Hi, baby.” His voice drawls, “Sorry I couldn’t pick up earlier. I was on the plane and I couldn’t get to you when I landed because Sicheng and his friends took me to a bar.”

“Jaehyun, baby, are you drunk right now?”

“No, baby, just a little tipsy. Did you get my little gift? Toss the old flowers out.”

“You didn’t have to, but thanks.” You hummed, unscrewing the cap of your favorite body butter tin. “Where are you now?”

“Don’t worry, I’m already at my hotel room. I wanted to hear your voice before I go to sleep.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” He pauses on the other side of the line and you hear what sounded like him getting into bed, “Were you about to go to sleep, too?”

“Yeah, I’m just putting lotion on.”

A long, low moan echoes from your phone and you halt your movements. A tipsy, lonely Jaehyun could only mean one thing.

“Baby, can we video call?”

The next two days were uneventful; you visited the mansion to oversee the renovations being done and was pleased to see it going smoothly as it was exactly as you envisioned it. Other than that, you also spent a lot of time going through IKEA and other home decor stores, picking out possible pieces you’d purchase. It’s still a stressful thought to think you have an entire mansion to design AND you get to live in it. Whenever you had clients for projects like these, you always mused to yourself how you would like it if you were the one living in the said space but now that the time has come, you’re overwhelmed.

Just as you got home, you get a call from Jaehyun.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hey. I just got home.” You closed the door and locked it, while kicking your shoes off.

“Oh, good. Could you do me a favor? There’s an important file on my computer that I forgot to upload to the drive. Do you mind sending it to Sicheng using my email?”

“Sure, which file is it?”

As Jaehyun explains the file to you, you made your way to his office and flipped the light switch on. Plopping yourself down on his chair, you powered up his computer and waited for it to start. Meanwhile, you two updated each other of your days and plans for tomorrow.

“Okay, I found the file. What’s Sicheng’s email?” You typed in the address after Jaehyun dictates and clicked send. “Done! Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

Jaehyun chuckles, whispering into the phone, “You can be ready in bed when I come home on Friday.”

“Alright, sir.” You purred, leaning back on his chair. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. See you on Friday.”

After hanging up, you reach for the mouse to turn the computer off until your eyes gloss over the name ‘Jeong Yoonoh’ as one of the names listed in Jaehyun’s mailboxes. You remember seeing it a few weeks ago and it completely left your mind, but now you’re curious about it. Your bottom lip is caught between your teeth; it’s wrong to snoop around Jaehyun’s email like this, but you give into temptation anyway.

A relieved and incredulous sigh leaves you when you spot the prominent subject and sender, even letting out a little chuckle when you see the dates of the emails. This was Jaehyun’s burner email for porn sites back when he was in high school. You wanted to tease him about it so badly, but then you had to tell him that you were snooping around in his computer. Other emails looked like spam that came with signing up for the porn sites so you didn’t pay much attention since most of them involved viagra, online dating, and the likes. You were about to click out to hide evidence of your snooping around until you read the sender’s name: Detective Go Hyunmo of Gangnam P.I. Agency. You thought it was odd, but maybe it was spam like the rest, unless this email got caught accessing porn sites. It didn’t have a subject so you couldn’t really tell, but you still didn't open it and closed the computer after clicking out of the browser. As you switched the lights off and closed Jaehyun’s office door behind you, you can’t help but feel like you’ve heard Gangnam P.I. Agency before.

Jaehyun comes home today and you feel like a child waiting for their parents who’d been away for too long. He said he’ll be dropping some documents at the office and will be home after lunch. As he requested two days ago, you were going to be ready in bed for him when he returns and that means a tedious DIY spa session after you had breakfast. Once you were showered, exfoliated, and moisturized, you put on the new lingerie set you bought yesterday; a black sheer bra that had crocheted flowers and matching crotchless panties that had a string of pearls that ran right over your slit. It felt incredibly embarrassing when you tried it on, especially when the pearls move along your clit every time you moved.

“Honey, I’m home!” You hear outside the room just before the door closes. You booked out of the walk-in closet and ran, as quietly as you can, back into the bedroom, sparing a glance down the hallway to make sure Jaehyun doesn’t catch you. You ungracefully flung yourself to the bed, scrambling to find a position to present yourself to him, but you accidentally elbowed your phone off and it makes a loud thud on the floor.

“[Y/N]?”

Cussing under your breath, you stretch your arm out to grab your phone to put on the nightstand but then you hear a long whistle that makes you drop it again. You whipped your attention to Jaehyun, who now stood at the door frame with the first few buttons of his dress shirt already undone, and you smiled, “Welcome home?”

“Wow.” He drawls, dragging his eyes down your body, “When I said be ready for me, you really took it a step further. Is that new?”

“I got it yesterday.” You leaned back on your arms, folding your legs a little, “It’s a little more special than the others.”

“How so?” He takes slow steps towards you, tossing his blazer off.

Peeling your legs apart, you spread them out for him to see just what you were talking. You feel heat rising to your cheeks as Jaehyun’s eyes stared at your pearls and his tongue just darted out of his lips. An easy smile grows on his face, walking up to the bed and running a hand over your inner thigh.

“Damn, I didn’t know pearls looked good on you.” He runs a finger over the shiny beads, “But nothing can compare to my favorite pearl.”

Pushing the pearls aside, he presses your clit with his thumb and your hips instinctively buck upwards to meet his touch. He keeps his thumb on your clit while he runs two fingers between your pussy in a languid manner.

“You look so good, baby.” Jaehyun leans down to kiss the spot above your navel. “I hope you’re ready for me.”

“Always.”

He pulls away to remove his belt and as he does so, his eyes flutter to the other side of the room and he cocks his head, “You bought a teddy bear? Were you that lonely when I was gone?”

“What?” You sit up, glancing at the stuffed toy, “You got me that. It came with the roses.”

Jaehyun looks back at you, face completely stoic, before stepping away to walk over to the item in question.

“Jaehyun?”

He picks the toy up and inspects it, turning it over a few times until he squints at the bear’s beady eyes. A low growl escapes him as he closes his fist around the toy’s head and rips it away from the body, the distinct sound of thread snapping and cloth ripping filling the silence of the room.

“Jaehyun, what the fuck?” You scoot over the edge of the bed, ready to stop him until he swiftly turns back to you. His expression sends shivers down your spine; you’ve seen that look before and you can’t believe you’re seeing it again.

“I never gave you this fucking bear, [Y/N].” He hurls the decapitated head to the side with so much force that the cotton filled toy makes a resounding thud against the wall. He forces his hand inside the bear’s head and takes out a small black cube. “There’s a fucking camera in it’s head. Who handed these to you?”

“H-Hyunwoo did… Wait, Jaehyun, can we—”

He slams the camera onto the floor, breaking it into pieces, before storming out the bedroom. You were frozen from flinching at his outburst that it took you awhile to collect yourself, scrambling off the bed to grab his discarded blazer and running out after him.

“Jae, wait!” You yelled, slipping his jacket on and clutching it close over your chest.

“Hyunwoo, did the flowers I had delivered here last Monday come with a teddy bear?” Jaehyun was on his phone, pacing by the couch. “It came separately? Which came first? The flowers? Fucking— go find out who delivered them and report back to me ASAP.”

He ends the call and angrily throws his cellphone to the floor, rubbing his forehead with his fingers.

“Baby…” You silently gulped, approaching him cautiously; you don’t know what to say, however, completely at a loss for words at the revelation. “What’s happening?”

Jaehyun still doesn’t look at you when he tears his hand away and puts them to his hips, glaring down at wilting begonias. In a split second, he grabs the pot and hurls it across the room; shards of clay, dirt, leaves, and petals exploding against the wall. You gasped, instinctively hugging yourself to block off any debris in case it reached you.

“Jaehyun, what the fuck?!”

“I didn’t give you that damn plant and I didn’t give you that fucking bear either!” He yelled, nose flaring and veins popping out of his neck. “I don’t know who the fuck this shithead is, but I’m going find and kill him.”

He starts walking to the front door with wide steps, fixing the belt he had previously undone.

“Jaehyun, wait!” Your chest clenches in panic, “Jaehyun!”

When he was a few more paces away from the door, you gave one last scream of his name; you’re sure your neighbors heard you and are a phone call away from the police if they also heard the things Jaehyun had thrown around. He looks back at you, still visibly infuriated at the situation, but his expression softens into concern when he sees your face.

You don’t know when you started crying, but you were suddenly aware of it when a few tears dropped onto your hand that still clutched onto his blazer. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t the one who gave the begonias?”

“I—I didn’t want you to panic…” He licks his lips, fully turning his body to face you.

“A-and now… and now w-we just found out that I was being… being secretly recorded for—for d-days,” Your vision starts to blur as fresh tears spring from your eyes, “And you’re just going to leave — again?”

He looks absolutely crushed to see you like this, “Y-you’re right. I’m sorry — no, okay, I won’t leave, come here.”

He wraps his arms around you, squeezing you tight and repeatedly kissing the top of your head while you hide your face in his chest to sob.

“What do they want with me?”

“No, I don’t think they’re after you, baby.” Jaehyun whispers, still kissing your hair while running his hand down your back to console you. “I think they’re after me.”

This doesn’t make you feel any better. You cry a little harder, body shaking in his hold as you looped your arms around his waist. Jaehyun’s enemies are your enemies, if he truly had any. This should have been common knowledge to you already. It’s no secret how important you are to him and it only makes sense that they’ll pick on you to get to him. You’ve already handled the demon in his mind; you’ve learned to accept it. Dealing with someone — an actual human being — from Jaehyun’s world is wading through murky waters. You’re either the target or the bait, and it’s upsetting to think that whichever you’re treated as, someone’s going to get hurt. No, there’s this horrible gut feeling, a nagging voice in the back of your head, that just tells you that chances are…

Someone’s going to die.

a/n: it’s a little shorter again, but we’re getting closer and closer to the climax and aaaaaah the trailer drop!!!!! like always, please please please let me know what you guys think here

next: part 11

~ buy me a peach? why?

#nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios #devoted au

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fahrirasihan · 3 years

Text

Saha Mansion karya Cho Nam-Joo

Judul : Saha Mansion

Penulis : Cho Nam-Joo

Penerjemah : Iingliana

Penyunting : Juliana Tan

Penerbit : Gramedia Pustaka Utama

Terbit : 22 Maret 2021

Harga : Rp 95.000,-

Tebal : 296 halaman

Ukuran : 14 × 20 cm

Cover : Soft cover

ISBN : 9786020650661

"𝘒𝘪𝘵𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬 𝘣𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘱 𝘥𝘪 𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬 𝘱𝘦𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘪 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘩, 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘵, 𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘶 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘶. 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘩𝘪𝘭." (hal. 103-104)

Diceritakan terdapat sebuah negara kota bernama Town yang pada awalnya dikelola oleh perusahaan swasta. Namun, pada akhirnya Town memiliki beberapa menteri di berbagai sektor pemerintahan. Anehnya, menteri-menteri tersebut tidak boleh diketahui identitasnya oleh siapa pun. Selain itu, Town juga memiliki beberapa jenis atau kelas dalam masyarakatnya. Pertama ada Warga atau level L yang memiliki status paling tinggi di Town. L2 yang berada di tengah-tengah dengan status kependudukan yang serba tidak pasti. Serta terakhir ada Saha, masyarakat kelas paling bawah yang paling tidak diperhatikan oleh pemerintah Town. Para Saha ini tinggal dan berkumpul di sebuah rumah susun bernama Saha Mansion. Para penghuni Saha Mansion kebanyakan adalah orang buangan yang memiliki rahasia masing-masing dalam kehidupan mereka. Akan tetapi, bisa dibilang para penghuni Saha Mansion dapat bekerja sama dengan baik membentuk sebuah komunitas yang cukup solid. Di antara para penghuni Saha Mansion tersebut, terdapat sepasang kakak beradik, Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong. Mereka mencoba untuk kabur serta menghindar dari masa lalu yang mengancam.

Sayangnya, pelarian dan kehidupan baru yang coba dibangun oleh Jin-kyeong, harus hancur berantakan saat Do-kyeong dituduh membunuh seorang dokter muda bernama Su. Su ditemukan sudah tidak bernyawa di dalam mobilnya. Sementara itu, Do-kyeong sendiri masih menjadi buronan polisi. Di tengah itu semua, Jin-kyeong harus berusaha menemukan keberadaan adiknya. Tidak hanya menceritakan perihal Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong, Saha Mansion pun memiliki para penghuni lainnya yang tidak kalah bermasalah. Di antaranya adalah Nenek Konnim dan Woo-mi. Kedua wanita beda generasi itu dipertemukan takdir, sehingga bisa hidup bersama di Saha Mansion. Akan tetapi, Woo-mi harus menjalani serangkaian pemeriksaan dan perawatan, karena dirinya dinyatakan tidak sehat. Seiring bergulirnya waktu, Woo-mi menyadari ada keanehan pada perawatan yang ia jalani. Kecurigaan Woo-mi tepat, karena disinyalir Woo-mi hanya dijadikan alat, alih-alih menyembuhkan penyakitnya. Para penghuni Saha Mansion ini berusaha untuk keluar dari jerat kehidupan yang muncul dan mengancam nyawa mereka. Bisakah Jin-kyeong menemukan keberadaan Do-kyeong? Apa yang akan dilakukan Woo-mi setelah mengetahui fakta yang sesungguhnya?

"𝘒𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘥𝘢 𝘢𝘬𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘵𝘶 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘥𝘢 𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨-𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘺𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘢𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘢?" (hal. 131)

Nama seorang Cho Nam-Joo banyak dibicarakan saat bukunya yang berjudul Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 berhasil menarik perhatian pembaca dari seluruh dunia. Dua tahun berselang setelah Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 terbit, Nam-Joo kembali mengeluarkan karya terbarunya yang berjudul Saha Mansion. Berbeda dengan buku sebelumnya, Nam-Joo mencoba untuk mengeksplor kemampuan menulisnya ke dalam 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 misteri dan distopia. Dan, Gramedia Pustaka Utama cukup cekatan untuk segera menerbitkan bukunya ke dalam Bahasa Indonesia. Dilihat dari 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 buku versi Bahasa Indonesia karya Martin Dima, nuansa suram dan kelam dari Saha Mansion cukup terasa. Ilustrasi sebuah gedung berbentuk huruf U memperlihatkan visualisasi dari Saha Mansion. Pemilihan warna hijau lumut yang berpadu dengan gradasi warna kuning seakan menunjukkan betapa kotor dan busuknya Saha Mansion itu sendiri. Letak judul buku dan nama penulis pun dibuat cukup presisi. Namun, entah kenapa, saya pribadi tidak terlalu menyukai 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 bukunya ini. Kesannya terlihat terlalu biasa dan sederhana, sehingga kurang memunculkan rasa penasaran saya terhadap buku ini.

Berbeda jauh dengan Kim Jiyoung Born 1982 yang mengangkat isu tentang feminisme, Saha Mansion lebih berfokus pada ketimpangan sosial. Hanya saja, kali ini Nam-Joo menambahkan sedikit unsur distopia dan misteri ke dalam ceritanya. Di sini pembaca akan dibawa ke dalam sebuah negara bernama Town yang memiliki beberapa kelas dalam masyarakatnya, yaitu Warga, L2, dan Saha. Di antara ketiga kelas masyarakat tersebut, Saha menjadi kelas masyarakat yang paling bawah. Mereka semua tinggal dan berkumpul di Saha Mansion. Cerita akan lebih banyak tertuju pada para penghuni Saha Mansion beserta masa lalu mereka. Walaupun Nam-Joo berusaha untuk menawarkan perpaduan antara misteri dan distopia, tapi sayangnya itu semua seperti tempelan belaka. Saha Mansion seakan terlalu berusaha untuk memasukan berbagai macam isu ke dalam ceritanya. Salah satunya adalah tentang kesenjangan sosial. Isu-isu ini sesungguhnya sudah tersampaikan dengan baik di sini, tapi amat sangat disayangkan karena kekuatan ceritanya sendiri malah menjadi lemah dan tidak jelas mau dibawa ke mana.

Di awal cerita pembaca akan diperkenalkan kepada dua tokoh bernama Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong. Namun, Saha Mansion sendiri nyatanya memiliki banyak tokoh yang akan memiliki cerita masing-masing. Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong sendiri merupakan kakak adik yang sedang berusaha bersembunyi dan menata ulang hidup mereka di Saha Mansion. Jin-kyeong digambarkan sebagai seseorang yang tangguh, kuat, dan pemberani. Sementara adiknya, Do-kyeong, adalah orang yang sedikit gegabah dan emosional. Sebenarnya pendalaman karakternya sendiri terasa kurang dan hambar. Walaupun menawarkan berbagai kisah dari masing-masing penghuni Saha Mansion, tapi tidak ada satu pun tokoh yang mampu menarik perhatian saya. Semua tokohnya terasa biasa saja dan mungkin tidak akan membekas sama sekali dalam benak pembaca. Padahal, menurut saya, seharusnya Nam-Joo akan jauh lebih efektif jika hanya berfokus pada kisah Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong saja. Tapi, sayangnya, Nam-Joo sepertinya ingin mengeksplor semua penghuni Saha Mansion, sehingga harus mengorbankan pendalaman karakter dari setiap tokohnya, khususnya Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong.

Saha Mansion sedikit mengingatkan saya dengan School Nurse Ahn Eunyong yang berisi kumpulan cerita pendek. Saha Mansion sendiri tidak bisa dibilang sebuah cerita yang utuh, karena kebanyakan hanya menceritakan setiap penghuni Saha Mansion. Alur ceritanya bagi saya sedikit lambat, karena Nam-Joo ingin memperkenalkan setiap tokoh yang ada. Sudut pandang orang ketiga digunakan untuk menarasikan jalan ceritanya. Setiap penghuni Saha Mansion diberi kesempatan untuk bercerita dalam setiap babnya. Lewat sudut pandang ini saya masih belum bisa menangkap semua maksud dan tujuan dari masing-masing tokoh yang ada. Sementara gaya bercerita dan bahasa dari Nam-Joo tergolong ringan dan mudah dipahami. Setiap penjelasan, khususnya tentang konsep Town dan Saha Mansion, bisa disampaikan secara singkat dan lugas. Hasil terjemahannya mudah dipahami dengan penggunaan kata yang sederhana. Penggunaan Saha Mansion sebagai latar tempat berjalannya cerita mampu dideskripsikan dengan baik. Suram, kelam, dan kumuh adalah nuansa yang bisa saya rasakan dari penggambaran penulis terhadap Saha Mansion.

Terdapat benang merah yang sepertinya ingin dijadikan penghubung dari setiap kisah para tokohnya, yaitu kematian Su. Tapi, sayangnya kasus yang dihadapi Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong tersebut malah terlihat tidak nyambung sama sekali dengan setiap kisah yang ada. Saya sendiri merasa bingung dengan konflik ceritanya yang terasa ambigu. Padahal, jika konfliknya tidak diinterupsi dengan potongan-potongan kisah para penghuni Saha Mansion, mungkin akan menciptakan sebuah konflik yang jauh lebih luar biasa. Terlalu banyak hal yang ingin disampaikan, sehingga entah mau dibawa ke arah mana konflik ceritanya. Konflik Jin-kyeong dan Do-kyeong juga tidak terselesaikan dengan jelas, sehingga masih memunculkan tanya di akhir cerita. Eksekusi yang dilakukan oleh Nam-Joo terasa terlalu ambisius, sehingga terlihat keteteran di beberapa bagian ceritanya. Isu tentang kesenjangan sosial dan kritik terhadap pemerintah yang ditunjukkan terasa kuat dan menonjol. Akan tetapi, hal itu justru malah mengorbankan kualitas ceritanya. Padahal potensi ceritanya bisa jauh lebih menarik lagi jika Nam-Joo tidak terlalu banyak menceritakan setiap penghuni Saha Mansion.

Dari semua cerita penghuni di Saha Mansion, saya paling menyukai cerita Unit 311, Nenek Konnim, 30 tahun lalu. Selain penasaran kenapa Nenek Konnim bisa tinggal di Saha Mansion, cerita Unit 311 juga menguak sisi kelam seorang Nenek Konnim yang ternyata ada alasan di balik sikap keibuan yang ia miliki, walaupun tidak memiliki anak kandung. Cerita Nenek Konnim ini yang paling emosional bagi saya, karena di sini terlihat bagaimana ia membantu orang-orang untuk melahirkan anak, tapi di sisi lain ia sendiri takut untuk memiliki anak.

Tidak terbayangkan jika seandainya saya harus hidup dan tinggal di Saha Mansion. Namun, jika saya tinggal di Saha Mansion, mungkin hal pertama yang saya lakukan adalah tidak terlihat sama sekali alias tidak akan muncul terlalu sering di hadapan para penghuni. Selain parno dengan keadaan Town dan lingkungan sekitar, menjadi bayangan di tengah Saha Mansion sepertinya merupakan cara bertahan hidup yang paling efektif.

Bisa dibilang Saha Mansion adalah cerita misteri dan distopia yang terlalu ambisius. Penulis seperti ingin memasukkan banyak hal ke dalam jalan ceritanya, sehingga terasa kedodoran di beberapa bagian. Isu-isu politik dan kesenjangan sosial yang disuarakan di sini, sebetulnya sudah tersalurkan dengan baik. Hanya saja, akibat dari itu membuat kekuatan dan fokus ceritanya menjadi menurun. Terlalu banyak kisah yang ingin diekspos, malah menciptakan ambiguitas terhadap pembaca. Tadinya saya justru mengharapkan sebuah misteri yang akan diselidiki secara mendalam. Namun ternyata, misteri itu sendiri hanya sebuah pemanis cerita saja. Dunia distopia yang diciptakan Nam-Joo terbilang sudah cukup baik. Akan tetapi, sekali lagi Nam-Joo seperti berusaha terlalu keras untuk memasukkan berbagai unsur, sehingga Town sendiri terasa kurang mengikat. Akhir ceritanya juga masih sangat menggantung dan terlalu membingungkan untuk dicerna. Secara keseluruhan, Saha Mansion adalah sebuah perpaduan misteri dan distopia dengan eksekusi yang terlalu menggebu-gebu.

"𝘛𝘶𝘫𝘶𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘫𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘩 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘬. 𝘒𝘦𝘺𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘫𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬 𝘢𝘥𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘢." (hal. 230)

"𝘉𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘶𝘯, 𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘭𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘬𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨-𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨." (hal. 255)

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