#even i'm not *super* invested in them but like. i am Right about this lmao

[samsrowena]

DEANGABRIEL YEAH!! Not only does Dean attempt to save Gabriel when he gets stabbed in s13, he also screams out "Gabe" and Sam has to physically hold Dean back from going after him. And then!! When they're in the bunker, Dean's the one who brings up Gabe's sacrifice and is visibly emotional about it!! Dabriel rights!!!!!!

omg yes once again renu YOU get me!!! the scene where gabe dies is the first thing i thought of, like even the script says it's "unbearable" for dean like hello??? there's a lot of deangabriel moments in the earlier seasons too like they're practically flirting the entirety of tall tales. in hammer of the gods dean is the one gabe gives the dvd to to help them with lucifer. and it's of him in a CASA EROTICA film. in changing channels, he turns into dean's number one crush doctor sexy!!!!!! i mean come on!!! so much of gabriel and sam's relationship is just him torturing sam for funsies whereas deangabriel actually has SO much more to it

[haleigh-sloth]

Okay, cool! I wanted to make it was okay before I sent you any questions regarding the new chapter.

After this week's chapter, how are you feeling with the new circumstances? Do you think the new crying character is Tenko?

At the very end, we see Endeavor in front of the glass window with presumably Touya inside. It's good to see that Endeavor is keeping his promise of watching Touya.

I feel like Touya is at a safe point in the story, I can't imagine him dying. I am sure Touya is here to stay.

Regarding pretty much all the other villains, I'm 0% worried about them. Honestly. Even with the shell shock of what's going on with Tenko right now, I'm still just not worried. At all.

Tenko---I 100% HOPE it's him. I am also fairly convinced it's him. The only reason I cannot fully commit is just because of my trust issues right now, that's it.

But honestly, IF Hori was going to bring him back, this would be the best way to do it imo.

I think the fact that Deku was feeling depressed about the outcome with Tenko means that he'll do something to rectify that. Tenko wandering the streets right now? Alone? History repeating itself? It's almost too perfect of a set up for Deku to find him (instead of someone demented like AFO) and help him. That would not only be a solid showing of how Deku intends to stop history from repeating itself, but also fix the fact that he's unhappy with how things turned out before (I will wait to say my complaints about his characterization being dead in the water until the very end, though I am not super convinced Hori can redeem himself on THAT front). It would put the main character on par with the other two kids who saved their villains without killing them.

For reasons related to Tenko--I think this thread gives the best rationale as to why it would be/could be/should be Tenko. I do think the elephant in the room was "what the fuck is he gonna do about his physical body that's fucked all kinds of up from the inside out". We all sat with the potential for rewind to come into play. Right now, it's really looking like Kurogiri had some role in saving parts of Tomura's physical body at the last second and the other half of decay (which was very intentionally revealed right before he was punched to dust) putting him back together. And honestly, ik people are arguing that "the nose and eye shape are different!" and honestly who fucking cares. IF this character is in fact Tenko, it DOES make sense that he'd look different. The four bloody fingers, the covering of his mouth, the tears, the black shaggy hair, (the skinny bony ankles lmao), it just feels a little too on the nose to not be Tenko? I am convinced, but just with caution.

Then there's the whole "turn a minus into a 0" with Mirio, looking back at the chapter title "the story of how we all became heroes part minus 1". It's just...yeah idk. It all feels a little too perfect to just throw away.

Then there's the lack of closure and follow up on Spinner from the war, and we don't know if Deku delivered the eerie message (implying that Tomura still views Tomura as separate from who he is at his core because Tomura wanted to destroy until the very end). There's Kurogiri's last (possibly last? not sold on his death either but less invested in his return) words about how his friends are waiting for him, that also received no follow up. I don't believe Hori put those things in there to just move on and pretend they never happened. Tomura also said the villains need a hero of their own, which yes, but they also needed heroes who weren't gonna destroy things they cared about. And he needs to be around to see that none of them really want or need total destruction. It's just very unfinished.

Over all, I (and many others) have felt so weird about the last few chapters. They have felt so disconnected from the rest of the manga and from everything Horikoshi has written in the past and even in this manga. I'm kind of just settled on the very very likely and real possibility that Hori is doing this on purpose so he can get one last good GASP out of all of us and laugh maniacally about it from his stupid little manga studio. Fuck that guy. Respectfully.

That being said, if things don't go this way, I'm prepared. But I'll continue to hope for the best.

[thegreymoon]

Eternal Brotherhood

LMAO, so all their ridiculous posturing in the street was actually a secret code 🤣🤣

They are such idiots 🤣🤣

***

Oh, so Si Yilin is the OTP with Ka Dan?

Interesting and hilarious! I can get behind that!

I like him but she bores me senseless. I've seen people hating on Ning but at least she's funny. Ka Dan has been such a cardboard cut-out so far, it's super hard to relate to her.

***

LMAO, A-Xiu's ridiculous ass dressed up as the princess, didn't it 🤣🤣

***

The assassin is a WOMAN??

Who do we have so far?

Baichuan and A-Xiu's boss? 🤔

I am not happy with either of these choices.

***

LMAO, his constipated ass is already in love as if he had never seen a woman before in his life 🤣🤣

Sorry, Si Yilin, sucks to be you 😂😂

***

Really gorgeous!

Also, Baichuan showing up at the prison is suspicious af, but also looking like a misdirection.

For now, my money is on the boss being the assassin.

***

LMAOOO, Ka Dan escaped 🤣🤣

Looking forward to more of her trickery!

***

When does she start using her brain, though?

Or is she going to wait for Si Yilin to rescue her after she betrayed his trust and escaped?

***

She was seriously intending to slit her own throat??

And here my stupid self thought that she was conning them into giving her the knife so that she could murder them 😑😑

And of course, it was Si Yiling who had to save her, smh.

I can't stand her.

***

LMAOOOOO, he's an idiot and there is no woman, but, girl, you really need to grow some standards 🙄

***

Facepalming forever 🤦‍♀️

What I can't figure out yet, though, is whether he's subconsciously self-sabotaging or if he is deliberately trying to make himself as obnoxious to her as possible because he thinks nothing good can come out of her loving him.

***

He's been shot by an arrow through the chest but let's worry about her spraining an ankle, smh.

***

And now he has to carry her despite the arrow through his chest because she is too delicate to walk on her own two feet on anything but a perfectly level road, and is also apologising for the "disrespect" 🙄

I cannot.

***

LMAO, if he's not careful, Lord Lu will mistake his nonsense for actual flirting and then he'll be in extra trouble 😅

Seriously, though.

I know that my yaoi goggles are perpetually glued on, but even the average viewer must see that all their interactions so far have been sexually charged, right? The intent might be comic relief, but the sexual innuendo is 100% there.

***

I MEAN!! 🤯🤯

If this was a Western show, there would be a bajillion kinky fics on Ao3 within a day of this airing!

It's not even subtext at this point.

***

LMAO, Si Yilin wishes 🤣🤣

***

LMAO, what even 🤣🤣

I thought he would get Baichuan or Ning to dress up, not put on lipstick himself 🤣🤣

Anyway, for this to work, Lord Mu Qi must be really invested in the peace talks being a success. Yikes.

Also, I have to wonder if Lord Lu was to see him like this, he'd be more or less inclined to kidnap and abscond with him to the North, peace talks be damned 🤣🤣

***

Mu Qi is really invested 😅

He is definitely playing along.

I'm curious if Lord Lu is behind the attempted assassination and that's why he's insisting on seeing "her" because he knows she can't possibly be there.

***

I'm so glad he's not an idiot and I'm absolutely going to be shipping him with A-Xiu 😋

***

ASK LORD LU!! 🤣🤣

Also, I love Lord Ge to bits 🖤

[oneforthemunny]

this is trauma dumping and i only have a brother and think of you as a bigger sister in some way bc i follow you for so long so pls feel free to ignore it. i started chatting with a dude i met on tinder and i really like him. we have so many similar interests but he told me from the start that he is looking only for fwb. i am in my mid twenties and i'm still a virgin lol (yeah i know) bc i always wanted a secure relationship and my first time to be with someone who truly cares for me. i never met someone that fits that. this guy makes everything sexual and i can tell that he is kinky by the way he talks about sex. especially after i told him that i am subby when we once talked about it. i ignore that for the sake of still chatting with him bc when we talk about other stuff it's so fun. idk if i should give in and just sleep with him to 'get it over with'. before i die as a virgin, might aswell do it with someone who i find cool in other aspects. also i am very insecure about my vulva lmao. i am an outtie and it's asimetrical af. i'm scared he is gonne get turned off if i give in. i would not recover from that lmao. can u pls give me some advice what you would do in my situation? i always admired you for you boldness

oh, non <3 i'll say a couple of things.

first of all, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. i hate this idea that if you're a virgin there's something wrong? sex is super weird and very intimate, and i like the empowerment that comes with talking about sex, but i hate that there's the downside of "oh if you don't you're weird" bc no??? i could give you genuinely a billion different reasons to stay a virgin for the rest of your life and just invest in really good toys lol.

but nothing wrong with it, don't be ashamed of it, don't feel like you have to lie about it or compensate for it in anyways. if a partner says something about it just tell them "i'm really selective so you should be flattered" bc period?? none of their fucking business anyways. and if they make you uncomfy (virgins and sex addicts anyone really) do not have sex with them. you will feel 10000% worse than you did before.

second of all, don't do it with a fwb guy. i know there's this idea that they'll change their mind and want something more and it's exciting. they won't. very rarely do they ever. they'll give you attention bc it's exciting, then when you want more, they'll leave (and that's best case scenario, sometimes they stay in your life for years just to fuck with your mind). especially if he's out in the open like that. don't get attached to that. if you're just having fun talking to him, keep doing that bc you'll never catch me telling anyone not to do that lol. i love to talk to guys and never meet up with them, my specialty.

in my opinion, do what you want, but you should fuck someone you trust especially if it's your first time. and definitely if you're thinking about being kinky? especially if it's your first time, don't do that with some random person who doesn't really care about you.

lastly, and i'm standing by this, no one's changing my mind. i have never met a man alive who gives a fuck about what a pussy looks like when it's right in front of him. the ones that do... they've got a hidden secret and i mean that lmao.

men fuck corpses. men fuck animals. these are all facts. they will fuck warm peanut butter if the going gets rough- sometimes even if it's not rough just bc they want to. i can promise you, i have never once in my life ever had a man who i was sleeping with be like "yeah no thanks" once we started fucking. i was even going to say as long as you're clean, not even shaved (bc again if they care... i've got some news) just washed, but then i was like no not even then. sometimes they prefer it filthy idk- just proves my point.

if they're worth a shit and living in their truth, they don't care. they're going to see pussy and that's all they care about, not what it looks like. promise you. i used to get so insecure bc i get ingrown hairs really bad. i have really sensitive skin and when i shave i always get razor bumps and ingrowns, and i would try everything and nothing worked. i thought they'd see it and be grossed out and guess what? not one fucking complaint lol. i was the only one who cared.

moral of this, don't feel pressured to do anything with anyone. when you feel comfortable, you do it. fuck someone you feel comfortable with and trust me, it's a million times better than just trying to get it over with. not worth all the risks and shit that comes with that.

[skaruresonic]

"I won't forget the time another games fan admitted on my old Twitter account that the current fannish climate was such that they were going to limit their Sonic discussion to private channels."

Funnily enough, something similar happened to me on Twitter. Someone contacted me in private because they wanted to talk about CV with me, but "I didn't want to message you so publicly because there are some people who don't like you that follow me"

And my reaction was... cool? Thanks for telling me? I'm not even super active on Twitter and I can count on one hand the amount of times I complained and attracted discussions. I just felt sad that this person treated me like a clandestine. It reminded me back when I was in high school and my friend back then was like "don't help these people, they talk shit about you" - what am I supposed to think, other than "oh :("?

And the CV fandom is all but dead, even the NFCV fandom is certainly more active but currently resting. The Sonic fandom, especially on Twitter, is an absolute nightmare. People really do pounce you for any reason they deem justified, and all sorts of petty discourse is pushed in front of your face for the sole reason of making you angry.

Anyway, I say already what I said: for a fandom who will call you all sorts of names if you don't have the right wholesome opinions on minor characters, they sure have zero mercy for real life minors whose crime is complaining in their corner of the internet. Silly you, daring to have an opinion!

Funnily enough, something similar happened to me on Twitter. Someone contacted me in private because they wanted to talk about CV with me, but "I didn't want to message you so publicly because there are some people who don't like you that follow me"

It reminded me back when I was in high school and my friend back then was like "don't help these people, they talk shit about you" - what am I supposed to think, other than "oh :("?

Might be missing some context here, but honestly, that sounds a little backhanded. Best case scenario, they're worried about inadvertently shining a spotlight on you, which just raises questions of why they're hanging around folks who'd dogpile people to begin with.

Like bruh, this is video games fandom, not an illegal gambling ring lmao. Saying "I can't reblog from you because you have cooties" would be more emotionally honest.

To some extent, though, I do have to wonder how much of this is a modern-day fandom culture thing and isn't confined to just Sonic, because patterns seem to repeat across fandoms. Half-Life has settled down AFAIK, but that was after virulent tourists literally called the cops on fic writers for shipping a ship and caused the old guard to disperse. The Silent Hill Reddit, likewise, refuses to hear any criticism of the SH2 remake because you're harshing their buzz. And hey, anything Konami offers us must surely be better than nothing. "Technical limitations" is similar misinformation that gets passed around via games of telephone a la Shadow mandates. I don't need to tell you how Sonic fandom treats unpopular opinions. Don't know what to call it. Toxic positivity? Consumerism? Anti mindset? Clout chasing? Social media-fuelled outrage? All of the above? Whatever it is, it's becoming more prevalent in fannish spaces. Maybe it's because I'm more invested in Sonic fandom than the others, but there I've noticed that there's definitely this added layer of superciliousness to Sonic that just makes the usual fandom wank even more obnoxious. Yes, the HLVRAI stans might lie and say your ship is pedophilia, which is incredibly unfortunate, but nobody was giving them the microphone and saying they ought to be taken as an authority on all things Half-Life. In fact, the old guard pushed for AO3 to separate HLVRAI and Half-Life in the tags for years for this very reason. We weren't all suddenly like "hmm yes, maybe Gordon really was a ~secret pedo~ who thinks of grown-ass Alyx as a child when she flirts with him in-game" because we knew that was fucking ridiculous. But for some reason, we're all supposed to think "IDW!Sonic is Games!Sonic" lest we bu run out of town with torches and pitchforks, I guess.

The worst part is it's hard to tell what people want anymore. You can't say things they don't want to hear even in your own space. You can't say it politely, you can't say it rudely, you can't say it to your friends or to people you're arguing with, you just cannot say it at all without risking a ton of fans going "well you said it, therefore you deserve what you get." And, frankly, fuck that lol.

[uchihakeimei]

Helloooo, hope it's ok if I reply here! Also I forgot to apologize in advance for my terrible English, hope it's understandable!

What a relief to find someone who actually understands Kaiser! He's one of my absolute favs together with Rin and Isagi, but I never really spoke much about him since I noticed the fandom has a bad habit of misinterpreting him. AND Kaisagi in general. No, Isagi is not his soft-uwu toyboy, he's a badass, a menace and if anything, it's him that would put Kaiser in his place. And yes, they totally hate each other. Like, super hate. And that borderlines on obsession from Kaiser's part. (Ngl, that's my favorite part in all Isagi's ships, how he's unbothered, moisturized, living his best life, and the counterpart is decaying in their obsession in beating him. God, he's such an icon.) Their mutual disdain is what makes the ship so balanced, and also the reason why I dislike Kainess, I don't really appreciate the power imbalance and how submissive Ness acts around him. He deserves better than that. Oh, how I would love to see him leave Kaiser in the dirt to fight alone: that would be such a great character development for both of them. Ofc I'm not judging anyone who ships Kainess, it's a perfectly valid ship! I just love both Kiis and Rnis cause they check all of the boxes of the chemicals in my brain. And when the Kaiser flashbacks drops? I'm gonna go absolutely crazy. I need to be the worm in his brain and understand him in a much deeper way than Kaneshiro ever could.

(Also, I love your headcanon about their alternative jobs. I tried to come up with something for Rin too, and I concluded that he definitely could only ever work in front of a computer, where he would never have to interact with people - and traumatize them with his weird bullshit, lmao). (Oh, and Kaiser would be an even worse boyfriend than Rin, let's be real. One small argument and he's dumping your ass to ""find himself"" like any mediocre fuckboy).

Yes, despite my BLLK obsession I'm keeping up with other mangas! I've been reading One Piece since I was a child, but lately I got invested in Chainsaw man, Choujin X, Kagurabachi, Bungou stray dogs and My hero academia, too. What about you??

Of course, it's totally okay!!

And hello fellow Kaiser fan, great to meetcha!!

And yes. A lot of people mischaracterise Kaiser- either as an Isagi simp (most common in fanfictions) or a complete asshole with no depth.

KaiSagi characterisation tends to be even worse (which, this is NOT me criticising authors at all, people are entitled to write what they enjoy!), but either Kaiser or Isagi gets reduced to a desperate simp trying to get into each other's pants (mostly I have seen this with Kaiser, actually) and that's not very likely.

The charm of KaiSagi is their mutual hate, and the ways they overcome that!

And yes. You hit the nail right on the head! Such unbalanced ships, like KaiNess (SasuSaku or NaruHina from Naruto) are the one kind of ships I can never get behind. Whether it's love or hate, it needs to be mutual for me to enjoy it. Power unbalance is not my thing but different strokes for different folks and all that

And yes, Kaiser currently obsessed with destroying Isagi while all Isagi wants to be is no 1 is a delicious flavour and Kaneshiro is cooking

I need an explanation. Of everything regarding Kaiser. That flashback needs to be longest flashback in the manga. I want a biography I can write a thesis on.

(True!! He definitely isn't a people person. He will most likely be doing a job that requires minimum human contact lol)

(And yeah, Kaiser is such red flag, we'd need rose colored glasses to date him 😝)

Hehe. Fellow CSM fan!! My fav is Denji, and I am eagerly awaiting Season 2!

And although I haven't seen the rest of them, I have they are very good anime as well!

My absolute favourite would be Naruto, as I have been in that fandom for years as well. Apart from that, I am currently keeping up with Solo Leveling and Windbreaker!

(Although listing all the animes I have watched will require a separate post, I watch a lot of them!)

Ps: Your English was lovely, no worries!!

[olderthannetfic]

Having more fandom friends around my age/mindset (context: late 30s, rare fandoms, reads some nsfw but not the type to post about it a lot in my main account) might be nice. I ignored the fandom part of myself a long time due to my RL friends being shitty about it (I dumped the worst of them) and I'm trying to enjoy it more.

But I keep leaving comments on fic and art and don't get any reply, let alone a conversation or follow. When I do get a response, the person stops posting fic in that fandom shortly afterwards. In an earlier more active fandom, I would send requests to people (clearly open for requests!) and 99% of the time I'd be ignored, or they'd draw the request at a level clearly before their usual stuff then delete it because they didn't like it (their words).

I'm not writing anything inappropriate or critical? I try to make my comments more interesting than 'i love this write more thx', maybe they get too confusing and off-putting to read? It certainly isn't because my ship is too weird because even non-shippers ship my current OTP lmao

I am trying to be realistic about it, maybe they aren't replying because they don't have the energy, or they have a life and they can't reply to the comment immediately and forget to, or they moved on, or they think I'm a tit which is totally fine?

The issue is it keeps happening, it's depressing, and the follows I do get are people in the same fandom who only like the parts I'm not invested in at all, have really tired takes and are significantly younger to the point I'm concerned about looking like a creep if I interact with them at 100% of my full power. It feels very much like I'm wishing on a monkey paw.

I have a very small number of friends I can talk to about fandom stuff I will cling onto with both hands. I just wish there were more. This is mainly me venting but if anyone has any suggestions feel free.

--

Hmm... Well, I share your suspicion that if you're the common factor, you're at least somewhat contributing to this situation. It may not be that you're offputting but that you inherently like things most other fans don't like—not just rare ships but also rarer tropes.

Or it may not be rarity exactly but prompt style: while tons of people love found family and slice of life, a lot of prompts for those are so generic and boring that they inspire exactly zero new plotbunnies. Meanwhile filthy kink is not for everyone but often has the seeds of a specific fic in a prompt, so if you do like it, those prompts are super inspiring.

A lot of people are pretty terrible at responding to comments. I'm extremely hit or miss on AO3 myself. I'll respond to a zillion things on tumblr before I remember to actually answer comments on AO3. Partly, it's that I get said comments in my email inbox, not on AO3 itself, so I read them and appreciate them but am not in the space where I'd respond right at that moment.

Sadly, people making one fanwork and moving on just comes with the territory when you're in rare fandoms. It's much easier to make friends who like to vid Asian dramas or who are learning a language for fandomy reasons or who are doing fandom historical preservation than friends who share your exact current taste in blorbos and who will continue to do so.

In my case, I love rare things, but I also love to move from fandom to fandom rapidly, and I find it really stressful to have friends who end up resenting that.

I tend to befriend fans whose overall vibe I find compatible more than people I share ships with: people who will probably be in fandom for life, people who are loud and proud about it, people who are interested in fandom history and pan-fandom meta. I also tend to be drawn to accounts that are not only horny on main but horny for kinky shit that draws haters. It does a wonderful job of weeding out the whiny children and finding me fans with a spine. Hilariously, one of my closest offline fandom friends with whom I share the most character opinions doesn't even like sex scenes. But that's not somebody I'd have gotten to know online.

It's going to vary for the people you're approaching, but that may be one reason they're not as enticed by the sight of another fan of their current rare fandom: they may have totally different types of criteria for fandom friends.

It's hard to know how much of the problem is you without examining your internet presence more, but I get why going "here's my account, plz critique" is not attractive. This ask seems fine. No particular writing style red flags jump out at me.

I've definitely known people who were dicks about my tumblr popularity and wanted to know why I didn't reblog them... but it turns out they interacted with me only once every six months so I don't remember them or their tumblr is entirely shitposts or their writing style is incoherent or they sound angry all the time.

One problem you may be running into is that findable fans in their 30s and 40s are self-selected for Fandom For Life types who already have a bunch of close fandom friends. They're likely doing a lot of socializing in private with people they've known for ages. I like to think of it as people with very full dance cards. They tend to be the most attractive because they're living happy, fulfilling lives, but that same quality makes them too busy. Meanwhile, people who are sad and alone and desperate for friends are often less visible and less compelling. If someone figured out how to connect with them, they'd be a great friend, but fewer people are trying.

It's not that every compatible late 30s fan is too busy for new friends. It's that the fans who are visible enough that you know they exist and know their approximate age are a very specific slice of overall fandom.

As fans age, some of their fandom friends leave fandom or die, so there can be periods where people are going "Shit, I need new friends!" later on, not just in college and such. But I'd say late 30s is a tough-ish period. A lot of people are busy with young kids and/or haven't lost their inner circles from younger years yet.

In general, a lot of my closer fandom friends aren't actually looking for new friends and haven't been in quite a while. Some don't even post publicly anymore. I'm something of an exception because I'm both extremely friendly and always on the lookout for minions to convince to go to Escapade con or take up the banner of fandom preservation yadda yadda. I have a vested interest in remaining open to new people.

Thoughts, everyone? Have you gone through friend-seeking and full dance card phases?

[kiigan]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME: Theia

PRONOUNS : she/her or they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord please! It's faster and it's easier and it has a lot of extra functionalities for both chatting and roleplay. I don't mind the tumblr DMs but they are very unreliable and more than once I've experienced not being notified that somebody messaged me or vice-versa.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : Itachi, basically. However, on discord I've dabbed a bit at writing Kimimaro, Temari, and Rock Lee mostly for fun with friends. And I suppose I should mention I also write muses in other fandoms? Though the Naruto hyperfixation has been real as of late, but yeah, I also have muses in Star Wars, Fullmetal Alchemist, Resident Evil, and several Final Fantasy games.

BEST EXPERIENCE : I would say it's that moment you look at a reply from your partner and 1) you are in awe at their writing and portrayal and wondering how did you get so lucky to write with someone so talented, and 2) you can't wait to get to replying back, no matter how long the thread may be, and in fact you find yourself having so much fun with it and getting so engaged that you easily write back twice as much.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Uhhh I would say it's probably to feel that my partner isn't as invested as I am. For example, if we agree to plot but I'm the only one suggesting ideas and coming up with scenarios, and all I get back is short replies or something generic like "I'm okay with anything". Or if we have a ship together (doesn't even have to be a romantic ship) and I'm the only one coming up with headcanons and sharing stuff that reminds me of our muses. By all means, we don't need to talk/ plot/ roleplay every single day! I get very busy myself and sometimes go radio silent. And, as someone who's autistic, trust me that I know very well the feeling of being socially awkward. But roleplay is a partnership and requires mutual investment. If I start feeling like I'm the only one excited about our muses and plots, that's gonna make me feel like I'm annoying you and, in turn, that's gonna be the fastest way to make me withdraw from it.

MUSE PREFERENCES: I have recently confirmed that my muse type is Tall and Handsome and Full of Trauma, and occasionally also full of eye gore. But also I am very drawn to "accidental" heroes, heroes that are heroes not out of a prophecy but because, within their limitations, they choose to do what is right and what is needed. And I am also very drawn to big brother figures?? A lot of my muses seem to end up adopting orphans and/or raising other people's children lmao.

PLOTS OR MEMES : I prefer plotting because, from my self-experience, non-plotted interactions get dropped far too easily (either by myself or by my rp partners). That said, I am also a big fan of letting the muses talk and choose what they want, even if it may go against something previously plotted. And I don't think this is incompatible with memes? I do love memes and they are super good for breaking the ice between people who never wrote together! And also super good to provide new scenarios with which to plot and develop upon.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I have the tendency to write a lot, so I'd say long replies? Which doesn't mean I'm not interested in short ones! Especially because, sometimes, my brain is too mush to handle the long stuff so it's nice to have short ones to get some writing done. I just find it that, with muses like Itachi who rely heavily on introspection, it really is easy for me to get into it and write a lot more than originally planned.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : Whenever my brain is not dead from work, I guess. As of late, it's been a lot easier for me to write during weekends for this reason. I care a lot about my replies and I don't like to give back half-assed stuff, so really the best time is whenever I can sit down, relax, blast some music, and get to writing.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : I am definitely a nerd like Tachi and his perfectionism + obsessiveness come from my own. We are also both introverts and we both often occasionally have... trouble to keep a normal conversation going lol. And, honestly, we are both idealists.

tagged by: @fightaers & @fighterbound ♡ tagging: if you're reading this you're tagged by default~

[vtforpedro]

long life update - TWs in tags

It feels like it's been ages. I'm so exhausted and in a lot of physical pain. Going on two months of it being the worst it's been right after a couple of months of the best it's been. Chronic pain + grief + trying to get help from doctors who should have their licenses revoked + dealing with a shit relationship with my mom + a good, decades-long friendship ending + the ongoing disability process with the SSA + LAW FIRMS.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't remember if I updated that the appeals council decided not to review my case because the 'judge followed the law' except that he didn't. So, as it turns out, my original attorney (and he did not tell me this) before he left, wrote that if they denied me, it should go to federal district court.

I'm now working with a NY law firm to take my case to federal court because my current law firm believes it has merit, and I guess they do, too. That's how fucked the decision was, and I'm glad my initial reaction of bewilderment and anger was spot on lol

The good news is, it should only take another year! ._.

My neurologist is the worst doctor I have ever come across and I'm quite literally stuck with him with nowhere else to go. I wish him upon no one. I'm so tired of calling the SSA, getting documents to them, signing things for law firms, contacting law firms, getting no responses, and contacting them all over and over again. I am in incredible physical pain, like this actively makes my neuro stuff worse. Everything makes it worse. I have autonomic testing in a few days, and idk if I'll get through it b/c I have to stop the meds that keep me out of the ER two days prior, and it scares me.

My relationship with my mom is fractured and I don't feel like family therapy is actually helping. I had to end a friendship with someone I love and care very much about but who was growing too comfortable mistreating me and I was giving them too many passes 😞 I've known them for the better part of two decades.

It's been over seven months since my cat Isis died. I don't know how. It feels like she was here just yesterday. Yet, all the nights I've sat and talked to her and wept are all too real. I miss her more than I can say. She was my soul cat. I keep thinking about tomorrow and how she'd be so nosy getting into EVERYthing when gifts are opened at Christmas. Having to stop her, move her, laugh because she was just so n o s y and it was hilarious. And she's not gonna be here for that ever again.

I'm having a really fucking hard time tonight. It's just hitting me how god-awful this year has been and how I have a bad week to look forward to before even getting to the new year lmao I have to stop taking so many of my medications 48hrs before 1.5-2hrs of testing to see if we can find out Yet Another Thing Wrong With Me but knowing my luck it'll be 'no findings' and the mystery of why my core body temp plummets to 93.9 in the blink of an eye won't be solved until I have suffered juuuuust enough.

It never ends. Never. I want to give up. I'm so tired of doing this. I don't want to anymore. It never. fucking. ends.

I absolutely cannot say it's all been bad, though. I've met incredible, warm, welcoming, giving, kind people this year. Y'all have helped me more than you know and I'm so so so lucky to be able to call you my friends. This year has sucked for so many of us, but I want to say I'm proud of you, and I love you all very much.

My fic is gonna be printed in a hardcover zine early next year. I participated in a Big Bang for the first time and that'll also go out early next year. I'm hosting a tiny event in my tiny fandom server that I'm super excited about. I have a raffle prize to write (bagginshield !!!! SO EXCITED to revisit the og otp) and a Valentine's gift to write for another fandom.

I posted 401,000 words this year and wrote many more unfinished wips, plus a long one (90k) that I am very invested in finishing.

I painted and drew so much this year. I improved a lot, too! I got a couple of portraits printed from inprnt to see how they looked, and it was MY art, and they were GORGEOUS. I thought I would hate seeing my art professionally printed, but no! I almost cried. They looked so lovely.

My cat Lilly had health issues almost immediately following Isis's passing, but she is doing so well right now. She's blossomed into another cat, and while she's not my constant companion, she is with me so much more than she used to be. When she walks onto my desk I am to stop everything and hold her like baby in my arms until she decides that's enough (or I really need to move) lmaaao she's such a goober. My heart cat. <3

I'm not doing well right now--my MH is bad. Especially tonight. But it felt good to write the good things.

I'm sorry for my lack of replies and kinda disappearing. I'm running on fumes. I hope next year will bring physical relief so emotional relief can happen.

For those of you facing difficulties of any kind, I am holding your hand in spirit.

[aranarumei]

hi kiri I intend to make you type so many words. for our ask game I’m starting with xicheng because I have my share of opinions

ask me about a ship and I'll give my opinions + classify them as does / doesn't make sense, does / doesn't compel me oh boy. my askbox has never been this full you guys…! really fun all of you tho. some I’ve got thoughts on some I haven’t really considered etc. and very impressively: no dupes!

also. words have been written. to the point that I’m putting this under a readmore lmao. up top apology for the incoherence i do just ramble

sooo xicheng. until recently I did not know the ao3 stats for this ship were. that big? don't feel like dangling the classification like bait so I'll start by saying: doesn’t make sense, doesn't compel me. now I will take way too many words to explain exactly why I feel that way!

as a person I am first and foremost a jiang cheng x happiness shipper. kind of. I never want it to be easy for him. because I’m kind of a bastard. so I've actually read a bit of fic with jc in a few different ships, some of which have been xicheng. and there's like, a few of those fics that have portrayed as aspect of jiang cheng like... so sensitively and in a way that made me Feel Things. so I'll always love them for that. my issue is that I just feel like... in the case of these, lan xichen could often be anyone for me. i read mdzs like... pre-untamed, and lan xichen's like... idk. I liked his role in the story but he didn't super compel me? so some of my issues with xicheng stem from the fact that I've simply never thought about lan xichen that much, and I'm not really invested in exploring his character. I think they could have some compelling things because they have a variety of things on their ends that don't get fully resolved, by pure virtue of 1) existing in mdzs 2) being side characters. also if jiang cheng's visiting gusu lan it puts him in proximity of wei wuxian which does promise for interesting interactions. what sours me on xicheng is... like I've said, I think some fics can make it work enough for me. but I feel like a large motivator of the fic is just... "oh look, wei wuxian's got a brother, and so does lan wangji! let's ship them!" even though they're totally different people? and as a consequence these two tend to get sanded down into often reductive portrayals. lot of pair the spares energy.

also kind of on the subject... I think I just don't really like.... ships with jiang cheng? in general? well my tolerance actually varies but I think especially when they take place post-canon (which the xicheng I've read often does) it doesn't sit right with me. I think it’s because jiang cheng’s not in… dire straits post-canon, but he’s not really happy. like he got told about the golden core thing but he’s unable to say the thing back about why he ran off like that in the first place. and I don’t like post-canon ships where it’s like. oh… jiang cheng, you poor thing. you shall be fixed by love. so I think I’m softer on ships that deal with things that happen before everything goes to shit for this reason. like I’ve not watched a lot of the show, but him and wen qing could be fun especially since that makes the golden core thing way more fucked up. with sangcheng they were like. friends in canon and stuff and then it seems they’ve gotten more distant. with zhancheng I mean like. there’s that tension and those years where wei wuxian wasn’t around and they were carrying their separate griefs. but with xicheng I feel like they don’t have anything super interesting in canon, which makes their outsized popularity a bit startling to me.

this is like. deeply personal and is kind of petty but. as someone who has wandered into the jiang cheng tags a couple times. man. people really hate that guy. and also hate people who like him. at least the couple times I looked there was just a lot of stuff arguing about like. oh jiang cheng sucks actually he’s the worst and all his fans are delusional for liking him and they’re ignoring his Crimes. he’s a uniquely selfish character who is unable to express or feel love. I’m not saying this is everyone, it’s just… the vibe I got from quite a few posts. this was also years ago. maybe things are calmer. I’m definitely biased because jiang cheng has always been my favorite character, so of course I love him. but this isn’t a defense post of him. either you like him or you don’t. just don’t bother me. anyways, the thing about “love” has always stuck with me, because I think that jiang cheng so obviously expresses love. like… the entire way he feels about wei wuxian! that’s his brother! idk. if you can’t see that you’ve lost me. now do I think jiang cheng communicates any of his feelings well ever No.

but about the love thing. when I read romantic fics involving jiang cheng post-canon, intentionally or not, a lot of what I read had this angle of almost like… look how capable of love jiang cheng is. and I’m like. well jiang cheng already loves people. it may not have gone perfectly or been so beautiful but that doesn’t make it non-existent. if he loves selfishly or awkwardly or without communicating it, it doesn’t mean that the love doesn’t exist. I think I’m stumbling into incoherence here… but my favorite headcanon for jiang cheng is probably one where he’s aromantic and asexual, because to me it affirms this feeling of like. romantic love is not some kind of absolution. and the “love” that he feels isn’t any lesser than whatever romance is going around. many different ways to be aroace ofc but this is how I see it for him. a lot of this is probably also influenced by the fact that I’m writing a fic with aroace jiang cheng at this present moment haha. as you might imagine, having this headcanon means that I tend to be neutral on most jiang cheng ships! I think to really grab me you’d have to make it interesting on the other end, so the character’s not just a sounding board for jiang cheng’s issues and vice versa, which sort of sums up my problems with xicheng. even the xicheng fics I read and liked were like… great, I’m glad you’re treating these two like real characters and not wangxian to the left. however a lot of this fic is just like. wow jiang cheng / lan xichen you’ve had it hard. Here’s a character who will comfort you and support you. and that’s nice in a way, but not compelling as a ship, yknow? so that’s the sum up of my thoughts. I’m on the scale of neutral-dislike, but if there’s a particularly good portrayal of jiang cheng I’d probably read it.

[zahra-hydris]

finally finished the msq up to dawntrail last night (after about a week of trying to get groups for the trials lmao)

so I found the whole thirteenth storyline really boring before I stopped playing ffxiv last year and coming back to it... it's still kinda boring. it's not *as* boring as it was, but I think it's helped when you're not playing little bits and pieces in the patch drops.

I just found it hard to care too much about azdaja's fate and zero bounced between being likeable and interesting and then kind of flat. golbez wasn't compelling until the last few quests (and even then it was too little too late - I mean he was actually a kind of emet-selch figure but without any of the character depth emet had). it seemed really lacking in any notable character moments from the main crew. and the humour was missing. it became super earnest, especially re: zero's shift into mini wol. and that was fine and all, but just kind of eh.

things I did like:

learning more about the thirteenth and its fall

the dungeon where you go back to the contramemoria and play through golbez's memories

y'shtola revealing she changed the incantation for her nixie and then threatening wol and estinien into silence about the old version

GAIA ACTUALLY REAPPEARING AND BEING VOICED though right at the end and with the whole 'you should have asked me for help' YEAH WE SHOULD HAVE WOW WHAT A THOUGHT SQUEENIX

that moment when they're talking about the trust and belief in someone displayed by clasping their hand (like a handshake) and wol thinks about zenos reaching out to them as he died (made me a little feral!!!!!)

but the big thing that seemed off to me was that... this kind of felt like a big side quest? I kept waiting for the moment where this would tie to a bigger story and then they were like 'ok all done bye zero'. we didn't even get any significant payoff in terms of establishing cross rift travel? and THEN the dawntrail msq started.

speaking of the dawntrail stuff... I'm also kind of 'eh' about it. I liked that they actually stressed that maybe it's not a great idea to just jump into a foreign country's power succession process and that you know very little about the person whose claim you might be supporting. I like that krile is finally getting a chance to shine (though I am FURIOUS about g'raha staying behind). but I'm not super invested atm. the only thing I am very curious about is what thancred and urianger are up to (besides being unable to stay apart).

and i'm sorry but pictomancer looks kind of ridiculous

[cescalr]

New tag game: list ten of your childhood ships!

tagged by @babybeale <3... forever ago. Uh. Whoops!

[I will also state my current feelings regarding the ship, and I'll go into as little or as much detail as I feel like <3 I'm also. I have a sieve brain. I'm trying to remember what the fuck it was I shipped as a kid lmao. Anything I shipped, say, pre 2016, I think should count? ftr that means I was 14 or under when I shipped it.]

Nina/Fabian, from House of Anubis;

They're still cute. Better than what they pulled in the last season ;-; fabian and mara...... why...........

2. Sam and Freddie, from iCarly;

This show was just. Not good at writing romance. At all. It was bad at it. But I am very smart and know better than them (/joke) so I could do seddie justice. Er. Maybe trying to do that right now, actually. Shh.

[also, friend; jade and beck is so complicated, you're right. A fun mess, but still a mess lmao. Me and my rarepairs was always a fan of stuff that never ended up being canon though. Might as well put it next, I guess? Looking at your 3.... when it comes to icarly; we could not possibly have had more different opinions on the matter <3 lmao]

3. Tori Vega / André Harris;

I haven't watched it in years so I do not remember why! But I do remember that I did. I think. Don't - don't quote me on anything ever.

4. Willoz - from buffy the vampire slayer;

No gifs for them :( :( :( love them still so very much <3

5. Honestly, I'd steal your number 5 bestie, 6Teen was great. In the spirit of obscure animated TV shows, though - and It's been so damn long I forgot the names of some characters, had to look up the guy's name, lol - Zero and Vin from The Invisible Network of Kids. It left a profound impact on my psyche because they did something really fucked up in the last episode, plus left us on a cliffhanger, and then the show got cancelled </3 rip. Haven't watched it in a decade or so. No idea if it holds up, but I was super invested in these kids doing spy work and experiencing insane levels of trauma that would be ignored come each new episode </3. I was literally 8 years old <3. It has a TV tropes page and the entire show is availible on the Internet Archive, of all places, sooooooo I may browse. For nostalgia's sake. There are literally zero gifs available for this one, because. I mean. No shit.

7. Didn't watch any of that continuity - only got so far as Tracey Beaker Returns... alas. Anyway, my pic for 7..... hm. Sigh.

Stiles/Lydia, Teen Wolf.

This ^ is NOT romantic! she slams her mouth onto his in the middle of a panic attack. Babe. No. No. Regardless; I don't like it </3. They really. Oh god they really fucked up this one. Like a lot. Plus, they both just ended up with much better canon ships (stalia, marrish) that then got shafted for this mess to be the endgame and then the movie breaks them up anyway!!! OFFSCREEN!!!! they didn't even last 2 weeks!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! I don't like them. But I used to. Playlist, for proof. I feel like this counts, because I shipped them when I first watched the show as it aired (I was 10 when the show started), but I did still ship the pairing until well into my teens (16 or so) before I wised up (the show made them very bad in a really boring way. Not that they weren't bad before. Love how they both do things that are otherwise reprehensible but the show frames them as romantic for some fucking reason </3 I was like 13 when I saw this kiss on screen. They're lucky I did research and didn't just take it at face value or I could've gotten some really bad ideas about what's healthy in a situation like this!).

8. Zikki (Zane/Rikki), H20: Just Add Water;

Season 3 does not exist <3 [also, the way they wrote the 'cheating' plotline was fucked up. That woman planted one on him!!! he did not consent!!! Why are we supposed to be blaming him for being sexually harassed in the workplace!!! No!!!]. Still ship them fr fr.

8. maf;lkasjd;f yeahhh. Think if you watched friends as a kid, it was inevitable you'd ship rosschel, the damn thing was pushed so hard. Stand in regretful solidarity;

For really obvious reasons (being that it is rosschel); hot damn no I do not!

9. Harry and Ginny, Harry Potter.

Ignoring the horrendous movie adaptation, when I read the hp books I basically just defaulted to shipping whatever was canon. Luckily for me, the canon hp ships are actually pretty good ones! If you ignore the canaries in the room. (I. Do not. Famously. Well. Infamously.) As for Hinny, whilst its a garbage ship name, the pairing itself is pretty great <3

10. kaljdflkasdt thank god I don't remember jack shit about watching glee for the first time! the sieve brain is a blessing in this one occasion. I've already mentioned in another (tagged <3) post my vaguely-relevant hsm ships, though, so..... hmm. What should I pick.... let's think.... I'm kidding. I don't need to think.

Shoker is a major missed opportunity in ME, and I've been mad about the choices for my fem!shep for YEARS because. Look. Kaiden she did not cheat on you. You left!! You accused her of being evil and fucked off after she was resurrected!! what else was she supposed to think other than 'guess he doesn't want to date me anymore. Rude.' And. You could have sex with Jack but not romance her, that was locked to male characters >:| biphobia [Jack can have sexual relations with women, but her only real connections are to men. Rude!]. And, Liara in my games always turned herself down for romance because she assumed my shep wanted to date Kaiden because she's not a total dick to him and there's no way for me to clarify otherwise, also people making assumptions :/ not great. Plus Li becomes the shadow broker and it's a whole thing, so that doesn't really work out narratively for me anyway. Can't romance Miranda. Can't romance Tali (wouldn't anyway - Tali/Garrus <3). Refuse to romance Garrus that is just so platonic a dynamic it's not even funny. Jacob cheats and dips, so fuck him. Like... all of the fem!shep romances are terrible (or Trainor, I guess, but she's... kind of. Nobody. She's Just There. Sorry. It's not narratively interesting enough for me.) and Joker was right there and augh. Augh! Still ship. Still mad about it. Hatboy Project is doing the lord's work! I salute thee soldier in thine endeavours. Waiting to replay LE until it's been finished <3.

<3

If anyone wants to pick this up, go for it!

[silviakundera]

Joy of Life Episode 21 Liveblogging

This is my first watch, so don't tell me secrets ;)

The episode opens with an elaborate farce. The emperor & Chen Pingping are playing their roles with gusto (what? raise the army? 😮) and the 2 princes are like, the audacity of this bitch 🙄

It's the most relatable the princes have ever been

ML looks kinda sad.

Chen Pingping actually trying to stop the marriage but the prime minister has converted into a shipper

Glad they didn't try to play it like the Prime Minister could be so easily fooled.

Emperor & Chen Pingping can't let anyone be aware of Wu Zhu? INTERESTING.

Prime Minister thinking the ultimate killer of his son was the emperor is for the best (for our protagonist)

spend time with Wan'er ? er idk if that's a good idea right now

Prime Minister vs Royal Princess throw down!! PM has some care for his kids. I'm a little fascinated that PM has clocked Fan Xian's good person vibes & wants them for his clan like any other rare (and thus valuable) item. Princess is more interested in consolidating power. So much toxic divorced parents energy.

"kill them all, throw them in the lake" feudal times SUCKED. I appreciate historical dramas that don't downplay that

This Wan'er and Fan Xian meeting is gonna be sooooooooooo intensely awkward

"I feared his death was related to you" OK BUT IT WAS LMAO

It's actually a weak point for me that the screenwriter is dancing around this by writing Fan Xian going to murder the dude and having to be fought back, then again plan to go murder the dude but loses the track, then his mentor does it for him. So that the protagonist can have "clean hands" and get the girl as well as the justice. WEAK.

If I was invested in this ship it would really bother me and continue to grate that if she knew the truth she wouldn't want to be with him. But my suffering in the first arc of episodes tainted them for me so, whatever. Enjoy the fruits of your duplicity, ML. 👌

I like when cdramas address often how the justifications for war are manufactured by governments and how war leads to suffering for innocent people just trying to live their lives. Wan'er can want to stab ML dead for her brother but balks at raising banners for battle over it.

🍗 is like, I blamed you today. Don't be mad. Ok yeah and he's misleading you. That's bad. BUT. BUT. GIRL. You acknowledged your brother tried to kill him and had his best friend murdered? Where is the big displays of regret and grief for that? You held this man in your arms as his heart broke. YOUR BROTHER DID THAT. No... I don't even know what I expected here but just something. I expected her to be super torn about feeling bound to kill him but also knowing her brother reaped what he sowed, knowing her brother was committing treason + tried to murder the man she loves and promised to marry.

It feels like.... She told her bestie if there was conflict between family and loved one, that she'd hope justice would be done. And bestie took that to mean that she shouldn't hide the brother's guilt and justice matters. But it appears that what 🍗 meant was that she'd serve justice on behalf of her brother and take his side. (Brother could have tried to murder ML five times and she'd expect it to play out like, 😍 he loves me & has his reasons 😍and ML would just have to escape with his life and not fight back if he wants to still marry her.) Interesting how bestie and me the viewer misinterpreted her. Bestie is from a military family who would have strong feelings about treason, so that tracks.

None of this has me worked up, thank goodness, because it's not my ship 😇

Chen Pingping and Minister of Revenue having it out on the street about the best career path for their kid! BIG "we both loved the same woman" energy. I am wondering who ML's biological father is and do we really know. Officially unofficially Minster of Revenue is claiming him. But she wasn't his legal wife. Was she even his concubine? How many of these guys were in love with her or sworn brothers to her, and now they all wanna parent her kid lolololololol

ML is grappling with how his actions have impacted so many people. It's good that he cares, that none of this is easy. It makes him likeable.

The drama is using Sister Ruoruo to directly address ML's lie about his involvement in Lin Gong's death.

Oh!!! This was cool: ML didn't miss how erratic Crown Prince was behaving and wonders what is the real truth behind the competency of that faction. I HAVE BEEN WONDERING TOO. (pats seat beside me) come here, let's chat

Now we're back in CP HQ where he again seems perfectly calm and creepy and in control. YES the person we saw with Sister Ruoruo is his real self. He's pretending to be an occasional fuck up. (But as smart as the emperor is...if you and I and the ML can pick up the inconsistency, he can't be fooled..right?)

Chen Pingping shows up to intimidate Si Lili and start stepping on everyone's necks for Fan Xian ("An old friend". I have a CRAZY theory - do the main players from that generation know Mom was a time traveler and now they suspect Fan Xian might be her reincarnation or another time traveler?)

Uncle Wu is back to be mysterious!

No one REMEMBERS exactly what happened back then when mom was alive. We've been teased with this more than once. Because she was a time traveler and changed history? Or... Uncle Wu's comments made me consider an alternative, was she The Author who entered her own story???????

[ofallthingsnasty]

I know I haven't been following you for that long, but I have gotten invested in your fanfics and ocs so FAST. Not even kidding when I say that I spend tons of time just daydreaming about your fics lol They just scratch that itch I have for dark stories, it's amazing😭😭😭 And damn all these character lore drops are just watering my crops😫 Especially the bits about Evan and Micah.

I knew I was right to be scared of Evan since the beginning but yikes on bikes, I didn't expect him to straight up resort to maiming you if you act out ⊙▂⊙ I imagine that if the reader did ever manage to escape while Evan was out, it wouldn't be at all out of character for him to go "well reader, looks like you're losing the 'having both of your legs privilege'🙂" And he would feel super bad about it, but he would still do it. Probably while crying and saying something along the lines of this is going to hurt me more then it's going to hurt you, while the reader is begging and crying for him to not do it. Ughhh I got chills just typing this out💀Yeah Evan scares me quite a bit, anyways amazing character cant wait to see more of him lol🥰

And our favorite resident jerk Micah Bell, I do hate his guts but I have always found his character really morbidly fascinating and fun to witness in game. I sit there and go 'wow this guy is such an asshole.....why isn't he in more scenes and missions?(look if you hate him then that means that Peter Blomquist did his job perfectly👌) Micah is definitely one of my favorite villains ever and my goodness you have done this awful and nasty man justice in 'through the briar' 😖 And that bit of lore you posted just adds to it. Micah already doesn't like the reader in the slightest, in the beginning he saw her as an annoyance, an easy target to bully, and a opportunity to one up Arthur. But from what you posted, if the reader ends up pregnant he seems to genuinely resent you for the situation "you" put him in. To Micah you just had to have the utter AUDACITY to get pregnant, when he just wanted to have a little fun. And now he has to do all this work to look after the reader and their children (by work it means he probably shows up once a month, twice if he's feeling extra generous. And hands you a single can of beans that prob expired three years ago, 15 dollars and a quarter, don't forget the quarter💀all that to feed maybe 2-4 kids? Gee thanks for the help🙃)

I imagine whenever he does come home its like walking on eggshells for the reader and the kids, cause Micah is looking for any reason to get verbally and physically abusive towards them, especially the reader. (btw do you think Micah has even a hint of affection for his children? I know he doesn't love you in the slightest💀 but maybe the kids got a fraction of his cold, dead heart😭😭) In the little escape attempt from Micah scenario you have planned, I can honestly see him calling the reader an 'ungrateful bitch' for running from him after all he's done for you🙃🙄 That he didn't have to do "right" by you after you got pregnant, but he did. And this is how you repay him? And after that little speech....yeah it won't be pretty for the reader🫥

Anyways enough of my rambling😅As you can see your fics are just feeding my brain hahaha (holy crap this is a long ass post I'm sorry lmao💀)

Oh my god, this is so sweet!! I am amazed that my writing could have such an influence on anyone 😭💕 You don't know how much internal back-and-forth I did before I finally was able to publish 'through the briar' - because I thought the concept was so silly and had big, big self-doubts but that fic really showed me that there is always someone who wants to read whatever idea it is one has 💕💕 So, thank you, really!!

I knew I was right to be scared of Evan since the beginning but yikes on bikes, I didn't expect him to straight up resort to maiming you if you act out ⊙▂⊙

Yes, yes you definitely should!! I only scratched the surface of his true nature in 'capture kill' but I was trying to leave some hints for the readers - I see him as a very 'classic' yandere, like the ones I used to read about when I was younger. Desperate, lovesick, willing to go to hell and back to have you - the only thing that holds him back is his little wolf pack because following their code is intrinsical to him. He's easy to underestimate, especially for a defiant darling.

I imagine that if the reader did ever manage to escape while Evan was out, it wouldn't be at all out of character for him to go "well reader, looks like you're losing the 'having both of your legs privilege'🙂" And he would feel super bad about it, but he would still do it. Probably while crying and saying something along the lines of this is going to hurt me more then it's going to hurt you, while the reader is begging and crying for him to not do it.

Yup, exactly! Like I said, it's all for the "greater good" - he already fucking hates what happens to you in 'capture kill' but again, he'll surely be the one to impregnate you and then you two can forget all about this, right? Then he will have earned you fair and square - and no one can take you away from him.

I sit there and go 'wow this guy is such an asshole…..why isn't he in more scenes and missions?

gdfdsgh same!! I would KILL for more lines like "No need to keep your face covered now. It's just you and me, sweetheart." during An American Pastoral Scene (link with timestamp for your viewing pleasure ehe) - I soaked all these missions up like a fucking sponge, both absolutely disgusted and captivated.

I imagine whenever he does come home its like walking on eggshells for the reader and the kids, cause Micah is looking for any reason to get verbally and physically abusive towards them, especially the reader. (btw do you think Micah has even a hint of affection for his children? I know he doesn't love you in the slightest💀 but maybe the kids got a fraction of his cold, dead heart😭😭)

Absolutely. You look at him a little funny and he'll be going off in an instant, laying into you as though you're his personal punching bag. For his kids? I think it's complicated. Again, he did write to Amos - whether it's to stake a claim on his kin or because of some brotherly love, we can't know - but I do think that even that man can't help but melt a little (like on a molecular level) when a little horde of Bell children vies for his attention. That lasts for three exact seconds, then he's back to cussing them out. What I'm trying to say is that he has his moments, as many abusive parents tend to have.

And I agree SO MUCH with everything you've said about Micah and the reader-character. Really, the only good thing about him is that he's gonna die in a couple of years. Although that would leave you in even rougher shape, financially. Maybe we can both hold hands and dream about John magically coming into money and helping her out or something 😭 She is so fucked. I feel so fucking bad for my own creation, especially because she's a really shy, nice little lady. She really doesn't deserve it.

(Don't apologize omg!! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts!! It's the highest form of praise that my writing makes you think™, it means I did something right 😭💕)

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

well I've had an interesting first week of the year back at work. I managed to get through to my usual doctor this week, which is a bit of a miracle, considering she's always back late jan/early feb each year. she's recommended 3 places for me to ring to follow up on a probable ADHD diagnosis. the best one is one in Sydney, in Bondi.

but to do all of their tests would mean I'd try to jam them into a week, if I could (probs not let's be real), or each time I do one I spend on a hotel room to stay up there, since I just wouldn't feel bothered to the 2 hour drive home after 8 hours of tests. but the Sydney one gives you a brain scan which would be super cool. but also if you managed to get bulk billed, it's $1,200. also they don't focus on meds, they focus on "brain based" and behaviour change stuff.

the other 2 places are local to my area, but you have to ring to find out their prices. but on the other hand, my doc said to leave all this stiff until after I have my colonoscopy that's booked for a couple weeks from now, on the 16th.

work is better since I'm not at a tired low point like I was at the end of last year. my boss is a bit happier that I'm turning up at the office at around 8:50 roughly and set up by 9. but yeah I hate having to cut my pre work bed relax after my bath each morning to 7:15 to get out the door by 8;20. but rn 8:20 is only working bc it's the school holidays so I'm not locked into the mronjng school run traffic and school zones right next to my house (basically). so it means I will have to bother to leave at 8:15 or whatever when school starts back up again on jan 31st.

but yeah. I still haven't handed in any of my unfinished (or unstarted) cadestship assessments; bc I forgot right before we left of chrissy/NY break to ask our outsourced IT guys to set up our VPN access app (it just gives you a code to type in) on my phone to access the work hard drive at home lmao. so I've meant to start this week, but I just haven't.

aside from work, the other interesting thing is that someone from the catholic school I went to for years 7-10 from 2008 til 2011, decided to invite me to a 10 year reunion that someone else from our year group from that school set up on Tuesday on fb for October this year. and I was just so surprised that someone bothered to remember me and invite me.... and I feel kinda touched tbh lol. bc i didn't even graduate with them properly, in a way, in 2013, bc I obvs graduated at the public school that I transferred to. it's so random that someone thought to invite me all these years later.

and I'm also stressing over the event a little. mostly on the level of what to wear to it, obvs lmao. but also, most of these people are successful working in good jobs. or they run their own successful local businesses/take over their parentd businesses.

while, on the other hand. I finish my cadetship in march, and I have no idea whether i'll be kept on where I am or whether I'll be somewhere else or jobless lmao. but anyway. it's going to be so weird seeing anyone from that school again, when half of them have kids and are married now or some have even divorced or split from their partners that they married in our early 20s (or at least that's what I've deduced from their name changes on fb back to their original last name I knew them by in school).

also im bitterly jealous of a few of them because they've bought their first house or have a second house and are using their first as an investment property. like bruh. am I the only one who still hasn't moved out of home yet??? and obvs there are obvs other people renting but still. am i the only one still at home??? I don't want questions about that tbh.

like is it even worth catching up with these people, when I still remember the derision I got from one of the girls from my group from that school, when I ran into her at uni back in 2016??? how she told me that everyone was actually SO GLAD that I'd left bc apparently they were all secretly harbouring embarrassment for my behaviour and my "attention seeking" or whatever the fuck she said to me???? but also part of me hopes that rich boy goes and is happy to see me and I'll get to congratulate him in person on his engagement or perhaps being married by the time this event happens (if it even does lmao). and that's my other thing. could just be an elaborate joke where they do this, and I turn up, but NO ONE is there???? like hello trust issues, aren't you looking very sexy this week.

[unprocione]

hello, dear!

your study on leon is so well thought i am always left speechless as i read your posts. i am in love with how you portray him and how aesthetically pleasing your blog and writing is, making my little neurodivergent brain stick around and focus more easily.

i wish you a great day.

please, never stop writing.

softie.

thank you so much!! i've been seriously enjoying writing and thinking about leon & his point of view lately and i've been having a ton of fun with it behind the scenes, hopefully that post is one of many more to come because i have alot of ideas in store! i'm so glad that you're enjoying my portrayal and find my blog & writing aesthetically pleasing, because i put alot of time and thought into what i want on this blog these days, and what's helped me significantly is cutting down on what i reblog here and just setting up a separate spam sideblog for all of my fanart and etc. posts if they aren't related to specific character bonds, and i potentially have an aesthetic sideblog in the works too to streamline things more. i feel like i have a more concise place to write leon when i have everything organized, when i look back on my archives and recent posts now, i have like.. a sense of consistency? and it makes it so much easier to keep going when i feel concrete like that.

my friend over at blitzkriegers, ty, has been like... the tumblr version of marie kondo for me lmao, this 'does this spark joy' figure helping me sort out alot of my anxieties around being on this blog and tumblr in general, and writing overall, and has been a massive help in identifying all the little ways i procrastinate to put off writing because of some internal confidence issues. alot of that came across in constantly remaking graphics (ty actually made alot of material for this blog so i could focus on writing - if you like my icon borders i use for leon, those are all his work), alot of that was doomscrolling on pinterest, alot of it was just generally a bad mindset i had gotten into with the way the rpc in general, not just resident evil, functions - lately feeling very draining at times, learning how to navigate all of that w/ his support as a friend has been really positive for me.

so if you like what i put out on my blog here, i can't recommend enough that you check out his blog at blitzkriegers, where he writes karl heisenberg, as well as my other friend cj, who writes a splendid ethan winters on wintersdecay & a stunning ada wong, amongst other muses, over at greenherb. she does alot of study posts that are in significantly more detail than mine but far more legible, and her and ty's mutual worldbuilding is so easy to fall in love with. both of their blogs are more than great in my opinion if you're like me and have issues with focus but become super invested in roleplay and how people individually portray their muses, their blogs are very aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and their writing styles even more so. they're a joy to discuss headcanons and dynamics with, and alot of what i have on this blog i have built either with them directly, via their suggestion, or with them in mind! if you follow one i bet very soon you will be following the other lmao.

i hope i never do stop writing. it was tough going there for a while, but i feel like at least for right now i can reach that source of joy that i was out of reach from for a long time that inherently drives my writing. thank you for sending in such a sweet message!! it seriously made my evening to read it, and it really makes me proud to know that i'm putting time into one of my favorite hobbies and it's paying off not only for myself, but that someone else besides me is getting alot of enjoyment out of it too, and the reminder, the validation of that, is just always a wonderful gift to receive.

have a lovely day yourself! :) rian!