#even if im worried im not nonbinary enough

[big-greer]

I know i dont usually post stuff like this, for the longest time if you had asked me what my gender was id say i was a regular guy..but in truth i say that but i never really felt like i "Fit" with the term guy. Like in my brain whenever i think of myself i never really think specifically about being a male. Before i just assumed "oh its cause i am one, obviously i wouldnt consciously think of that. its sort of a given" but looking back that clearly wasnt the case, always joked how i barely counted as a guy and most people either would laugh like its a joke but a few days ago a coworker asked why..and i sort of froze up cause i had never really stopped and asked myself why? Like i knew i didnt act like a normal guy, i didnt think like one, i never had that attachment to the title of being male. so i always felt this disconnect from manhood, and even when my father tried to teach me to be a man it always felt like i was just an outsider looking in and learning a lesson through a window or something. he tried all kinds of stuff you would expect a "manly" guy to know, hell he even taught me how to track through a forest (would cut notches in trees and we walked from the top of a mountain to the bottom and had me lead us back following the marks he made. yeah dad take your like 14 year old to the fucking bottom of a mountain and make me track cut marks like some legendary hunter lol). and he would always explain what manhood was and i just....it never connected to me you know? i always chocked that up to the fact my dad was never really around (after he and ma divorced he sorta slowly dissapeared from my life till he was dead one day) and so i figured i wasnt like a regular guy cause i was raised by like, 95% woman only so i thought that might be why? but as ive come to realize it isnt that and ive just never really vibed with the idea of being just a guy, its never clicked for me.

Now dont get me wrong, the idea of using she/her pronouns actually is uncomftorable to me so now i feel like im sort of just floating here? in between gender in my own sort of like...little world and im worried about doing it right. Yeah i know "oh i want to do good at gender which is a logical and reasonable thing that can be done" i know i know. But like, i dont want to wear makeup and dresses and stuff (though nail polish would be nice, perhaps a good black would be cool.) and i feel like i dont particularly want to wear any womans clothing? i like guy clothes, there comfy, fit me nice, and for obvious reasons they are all i got lol. Also i like having my goatee and facial hair so thats also a thing. i just worry that after browsing the nonbinary tag that cause of stuff like this i wouldnt be good at being nonbinary, or that i would do it wrong. OH also that i would still be comfortable with people using he/him pronouns as well as they/them but wouldnt feel comftorable with somebody using she/her ones (perhaps this is just cause he/him pronouns are all ive known my entire life and thats why im more comfy with them). yeah all that makes me worried id be doing nonbinary wrong, which i know is a dumb sentence cause nobody can do gender "wrong" and that its a personal thing that is up to only the person whose gender its about feelings on the situation. but that lingering doubt is still in my mind, that i will be some sort of fraud or not ACTUALLY nonbinary and stuff. cause lord knows alot of tumblr views nonbinary as just "WOMAN 2" and if you arnt some hyper androgynous person you arnt actually nonbinary and i know i know, i shouldnt care what fuckin morons on tumblr say.

But gender stuff is new to me, VERY knew. Lord knows i still have strange feelings towards being ace and sometimes worry im not "ACE" enough to be considered ace. so im def still fighting some internal demons about this stuff. But having good friends around is helping out alot and i cant even imagine how id handle dealing with this sort of stuff alone (cause lord knows what little family i got left wouldnt be the most...supportive) anyway uh, gender is fuckin wild and confusing and stupid and simple and everything and nothing and lord does it give me a headache.

[xxcherrycherixx]

Starting to think its planning to go out that makes me feel sick and not i somehow always end up sick on the days that i want to go out

Hmm

Its the knowing of the upcoming disappointment i will face when it doesn’t go as i hoped it would.

[freesomebodybyluna]

Went to go see barbie with a coworker today, which was suuuper good btw and after we went to get froyo, which was so nice bc we talked for like 2 hrs until going home hehe I love making friends!!

[drdemonprince]

this will sound like one of those "let men be masculine" level niche internet community brained posts, but i honestly really was embarrassed of how much i like drag for a while. in the circles that i run in, liking drag too much is seen as pretty cringey and for wealthy cis gays. like everybody knows a few cool avante garde local performers that they fuck with who run queer dance parties that are inclusive and the like, but very few people that i know will just go to a drag show at an entertainment or social engagement for their own sake. it's almost seen as a tourist thing, a normie gay thing.

but its one of the few spaces where i can actually recognize a lot of feminine men and nonbinary man-thing-girly-freaks like of the particular type that i am. leather bars are so masc and buff and im often invisible. bear bars are really nice and i do feel welcome there! but people are only feminine in their mannerisms, not presentation very often. the more explicitly gender inclusive trans/queer spaces cater to more of a wlw and adjacent crowd whose relationships to masculinity and femininity are different from mine. circuit gay bars are obviously terrible.

drag is nice. there's guys with weird little haircuts and long earrings who aren't buff and are swishy and dress interestingly but are a little uncomfortable as their regular selves and have to don alternate personas in order to be outgoing. and i even like that it's okay to be bitchy and insulting sometimes in drag world, like sometimes that is just your genuine feedback on the work someone has done and it's not the end of the world. there's lot of open conflict in the drag world that actually works out pretty alright.

it's a local nightlife scene like all the rest, its got its theater kid bullshit and egos and superficiality out the ass and so many people are trying to be famous or make money, but even to this day i forget that i can just be a really weird feminine guy until i'm around some of them and watching them prance about. i worry about how i look or am being read and then even just watching a fucking drag race episode i'll see like 9 different guys who are so fucking androgynous with their weird assymetrical self cut haircuts that they pass less than i do and they're cis men. they have bodies or faces like i do. and in the local scene it's obviously even better because you're looking at real life people. maybe i should be over it by now but im not, i need to see weird little awkward feminine guys with funny outfits playing dress up and crying and fighting with one another because they never got over their last picked in gym class baggage. its meeee i relateee. i even like that its a little toxic! we've got some issues out here, let's joke with them and make a character of them instead of pretending to be nice!!

i tend to be pretty skeptical of "representation matters!" type shit but part of that is probably because i never really feel represented. i know, boo hoo, thin white man doesnt feel depicted on screen, sounds very silly. but then i see kade gottmik on drag race and i swell with emotion and suddenly feel like who i am is POSSIBLE in this world and i realize that even with all my privileges i am starved for representation and that it does benefit you to have it. theres trans guys on screen but thats not close enough to ping that ooh!!! ahh!!! i can love myself!! radar for me. it has to be a very particular kinda person. matt bernstein makes me feel similarly

[snaxle]

just saw someone say the reason bi lesbians are problematic is because they're inclusive of radfems, and that bi lesbians spew terf rhetoric. i dont know what kinda secret alternate universe you're living in where terfs are supportive of mspec identities but im begging you to turn on your brain cells for longer than 5 seconds at a time and then go outside instead of wallowing in queer twitter discourse made by 15 year olds 10 hours every day you fucking idiots.

terfs dont fucking like bi lesbians. terfs would rather watch us either kill ourselves than ever support our identities.

"i hate mspec lesbians because they tell people who hate men that they're sharing terf beliefs, which is exactly what terfs want!!" have you literally never seen a terf's account before in your life? they fucking hate men and want everyone in the world to know that every single man in the world no matter how old they are that they're gross ugly creatures who all hate women and want nothing more than to prey on the downfall of all women. yea, even those 6 and 12 year old boys that live next door to you. so yea, while you're posting your quirky little "i hate all men they're disgusting 🙄" posts every three days for your 400 twitter followers, you're 100% spewing terf rhetoric!! no that doesnt mean you're a fucking terf but you're sharing into their beliefs and spreading their agenda every time you do this shit which is what they want!!!!

"the term lesbian is already inclusive of trans and nonbinary people, so using the term bi/mspec lesbian is problematic because you dont think trans people can be lesbians!" look me in the eyes. do you genuinely, honest to god think that terfs care about that. do you genuinely think terfs are okay with trans people calling themselves a lesbian. terfs dont fucking care, they still want you to either detransition and realize how "evil" being trans is and follow in their beliefs, or they want you dead. a nonbinary trans man who uses he/him pronouns calling himself a bi lesbian is literally the least of your fucking worries.

i am trans and bigender. even if i just called myself solely a lesbian without the extra labels, terfs still wont fucking accept me because i am not a pure innocent 100% woman. they will not accept me even when i tell them i feel more like a woman most days than i do a man because i am not their definition of what a woman should be. "it doesnt matter what terfs say, lesbian is still inclusive of trans people!" no, it's only inclusive of trans people that you deem are good and women enough to use the label.

people love going around talking about how they're so so supportive of any and all identities and then immediately turn around and be like "hmmm but not Yours." i could be the most perfect woman in the world, but the second i so much as mention i think a man looks attractive, then i am not being a lesbian the Right way.

so who the fuck cares anymore. who cares if i use the term bisexual lesbian to identify myself? im already doing it all wrong supposedly, so who cares if im more of a problem than i already am? the queer people im supposed to share a community with would rather side on the side of terfs because im not being a lesbian in the supposedly Correct way, and no matter what i say to try defending myself I'll never be seen as a true and proper lesbian because random strangers on the internet i will never meet ever in my life has already dictated that I'm not good enough. that my existence is problematic and harmful to everyone else, completely ignorant of the fact that they're unwillingly sharing in the beliefs of transphobes, homophobes and conservatives who would like nothing more than to wipe us all out instead of standing together as a community.

but you know, putting bi lesbians on your dni or whatever is more important.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for pretending to be cis online? im a trans man and have been trans for almost ten years now. i am pre-most transition even though i would like to fully transition, due to money and medical phobia complications. i do not pass irl.

a few years ago i attempted stealth (saying i was a cis man) on a discord server before ultimately admitting to being trans because i was afraid everyone could tell, and was informed that even though they even heard my voice on the server, no one there suspected i was afab, and even when i said i was trans, some people assumed i was coming out as transfem, because i had passed myself as a cis man so well. this gave me euphoria, of course, and made me regret telling anyone since i was apparently passing so well.

i held onto those feelings, and a year or so after that, quietly changed my bios and stuff to remove the trans part. a little while after that, i started actively saying i was cis male in my bios and to new friends.

i should clarify this is not out of safety or fear of transphobia, all my family and irl friends know im trans and are 100% supportive, im lucky enough to live in a very progressive area, and my online existence is small and filled with tons of trans and supportive people. it's only because i feel dysphoric when i know people can perceive me as afab, and since i don't have control over that irl, i just want someone in the world to see me as amab, even if im not and never will be.

i also am not by any means a transmed. i myself am also gnc, and many many of my friends are loud and proud queer weirdos, and i am too with everything but my agab. i love the wacky ways other trans folks present their genders and refuse to sanitize themselves for cisciety. i do not think anyone should ever have to water down who they are for any reason and i don't think being afab makes anyone less of a man, just i personally don't like facing the fact that i am afab and would rather people see me as a cis man whenever i can control it.

this might be where the asshole comes in here, because being gnc, being surrounded by so many trans people and being in many "afab dominated" spaces (such as fanfic writers, tumblr, fandom in general honestly) as well as having a lot of trans headcanons makes me paranoid people are going to clock me and even if they don't say anything they'll know im faking being cis. because of that, and to avoid the dreaded "egg" conversations (people trying to insist or imply that ill soon "find out" that im transfem) ive sometimes been telling people when the subject comes up that i had experimented with my gender before and thought i was transfem or nonbinary in the past, so i sort of fit the idea of cis+ and that might be why i feel more trans than cis even though im definitely cis.

i also tell them im intersex and have trans family (both of these are true, though obviously im intersex in a different way than i say) to get them off my scent.

i know i dont owe anyone my agab, but when all is said and done, i am lying about my gender and history with gender exploration, and i kinda feel like im disrespecting other trans folks by implying it would personally feel better to be cis, like i can't relate to other trans people saying they never want to be cis and the goal of being trans isn't to be cis. but i do. i also worry that having trans hcs (including in sexual contexts) for characters while im presenting myself as cis makes people think im a chaser.

anyway sorry this is long, but aita for lying about my gender?

What are these acronyms?

[wasyago]

some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff

im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?

anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?

did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?

that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?

uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...

but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?

or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...

again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.

at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)

I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)

im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)

[xxinkyshadowxx]

games that i think more people should know about cause they are so good oh my goodness

TW For blood, gore, and disturbing imagery

GOHOME

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM IM GOING TO EAT THE ENTIRE GAME OM NOM NOM NOM NOM I DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO DISCRIBE THIS GAME SO THERES IT DISCRIPTION DOWN THERE BUT IM GOING TO EAT IT ALL QUICK READ IT BEFORE I EATED ALL THE DISCRIPTION TOO

"This is a third-person horror game set in a residential area in 2000s Japan. It's the complete version of the free horror game GOHOME, which was released in 2019 and caused a boom. The map has been doubled, and six more ghosts, including hidden characters, have been added to the game. There's no grotesque , so even kids can enjoy it.

You've been separated from your parents and you're going home alone. It's the usual way home, but something's wrong. You're being chased by someone so you run away and go home. It's a sad, scary and mysterious game, but I hope it will be a lovely memory for you."

House

yeah it's less of a witchtrip(do not pay attention to how i use this word the way i use it makes sense and you know it does) than GOHOME is but oh my god the music the gameplay the plot i just this game would blow up a microwave and come out scratchless

A review: "a carpet killed me👍"

Literally any arcadekitten game

my personal favs are Cemetery mary and sweet no death but i swear all of their games are bangers)

game so good i stole a character's name that should say enough

A sweet no death review: "this was such a cool mix between cute and horror- loved it ! the game was pretty fun too, lambchop was so entertaining, and the music and visuals, so pleasing. "

A cemetery mary review: "Bro, I made an account just to say how much I enjoyed this game. This game was truly a pleasant experience and I genuinely think this is one of the best indie games i've played IMO."

Blackout hospital desc: "Blackout Hospital is a game where you play as Vasilis, a nonbinary janitor at Altobuck Hospital. When the power goes out while working the night shift, the emergency lights come on and bask the halls in an eerie, ghostly glow. Bizarre happenings start to occur at the hospital, and Vasilis wants no part in it as they try to look for a way out! Along the way they will fight off mysterious enemies, meet strange characters, and make a few allies--but will any of it mean anything if they can never return home?"

It's not me it's my basement desc: "Mom and Dad are away. But you're old enough to take care of yourself now, aren't you? You'll be fine, there's no need to worry. You're more than capable of keeping everything under control...right?"

It's Not Me, It's My Basement is a short horror game following a nonbinary child and their daily life. It takes about 30 minutes-1 hour to complete. There is only one ending."

Crowscare desc: "Crowscare is a short horror game, RPG game, and a love letter to the autumn season.

The game follows a young boy named Ryo, excited for the upcoming Harvest Festival in his hometown. Wouldn't you know? This is going to be his first one! He was never able to go to one before, as it always started past his curfew...but soon he'll see why he was never allowed out at night.

The game takes about 1-1 ½ hours to complete. There are two bad endings, and one good/true ending. "

World's end club:

AEWRT%UYTYRERSFXFGTY *EATS IT ALL IN ONE BITE* If you like danganronpa then you're gonna like this game as it's made by the same people this is just danganronpa but like more interactive and pg13 and im going to eat ALL of it the designs *eats the designs* oh and im not sure how true this is but i heard that one of the designers who worked on this made Top champion geeta's design soooooo

"Brought to you by Zero Escape series creator Kotaro Uchikoshi, and Kazutaka Kodaka, mastermind behind the Danganronpa games. With twists and turns aplenty, this mysterious, captivating tale of friendship and adversity will have you hooked from the get go.

Dive into this easy to pick up fusion of puzzle platforming and choice-driven story adventure, and surround yourself with a cast of charming, quirky characters as you set off on an unforgettable trip!

In an elementary school in Tokyo, a group of oddball kids from across the country have banded together as the "Go-Getters Club." Reycho and the rest of the Go-Getters are, to say the least, a little different to the rest of their classmates.

One summer's day the group is riding the bus on a school trip when disaster strikes. They wake up to find themselves trapped in a rusted, long-abandoned underwater theme park. As they struggle to get their bearings, a sinister clown appears out of the blue and informs the Go-Getters that they'll be playing a "Game of Fate"—pitting their lives against one another in a desperate struggle for survival!

Bewildered and confused, prospects look bleak for Reycho and the gang, but when all hope seems lost, out of nowhere, strange powers start to awaken in the daring Go-Getters.

What in the world could happen next!?"

Motherhood

i just i i just i AIUYTEWGEHYUDZIOR*(E&FUDTYGHJUIDS

A review: "Really good game with nice and disturbing aesthetics. The story was quite cryptic, but you get most of it by the secret ending.

It was a nice experience, I want to play the rest from Enigma Studio if the other games are as cool as this one!"

Bad end theater

i want to dissect this game like its a damn frog and then i want to go OM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Review: "PLEASE LET ME GIVE YOU MORE MONEY OH MY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GOD, ALSO LIKE ADD AN ART BOOK I NEED ACCESS TO ALL OF THIS ART AT ANY GIVEN TIME EVER"

Review: "While I cannot spoil why, this is possibly one of the sweetest, most thought out and unique short games I played in years.

Go in blind, you will find everything more meaningful that way!"

Loomian legacy

*Dj Khaled voice* Life is roblox

Formerly Pokemon brick bronze so i feel life that should be enough info for those who know of it

Emily wants to play

I I HYYDUIEUUI THIS SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF LITTLE ME I LOVE THIS GAME

Desc "It’s 11pm, and you are at the last house on your route. The lights are on, and the front door is opened. But, the windows are all boarded up and the grass is overgrown. It seems like a strange place to deliver a pizza, but at least, it looks like someone is home.

You run to the front door since it’s storming pretty bad.

“Hello!? Your pizza's here!" You announce. No one answers. There's an eerie silence.

You are getting soaked from the rain, so you hesitantly step inside the door and look around. The front door suddenly closes behind you.

You just wanted to finish this last delivery and head home for the night. Now you must figure out how to get out of this stupid creepy house.

Freely roam the house and try to figure out what is going on. Three dolls and a strange girl named Emily will also start roaming the house as the hours toll by. Stay away from them, but if you do end up in a room with one, figure out how to stay alive.

This may be your last pizza delivery."

I need to stop eating all these games im going to get a stomachache not from eating them but from the joy and whimsy i feel when these games are even real

[your-queer-dad]

Hi finch! It's the person talking about binders a lot again. I just need other people to bounce thoughts off of bc I don't know anyone else irl who's trans/transmasc.

For context, I'm afab but not a woman and also not a man. I used to be a girl bc i was raised that way and didn't know there were other options but i haven't grown into a woman. I dont want to grow into a woman. I'm pretty sure I'm agender? At least that sounds more correct than the other labels I've gone by (girl, demigirl, nonbinary). I guess I experience gender similarly to sexual attraction (aka I'm very confused and don't understand how other people know what their gender is or how they experience gender).

That's not the point of this though, it's (once again) the topic of top surgery. I feel like I'd be fine without getting it... like if I'm by myself my chest doesn't bother me. It's there and I don't hate it. I dont think I experience dysphoria, especially not the way other people do. But if I'm out in public I know that other people will notice my chest and read me as a woman and treat me accordingly as a result. THATS what bothers me, I think. I haven't gone swimming in a few years because of it and i kinda miss doing that... But I think if it wasn't seen as a woman thing/a widely sexualized part of the body I'd be fine just keeping my chest. But on the other hand I'm worried about opting to remove it. What if I regret that choice? What if I hate how I look after? I mean, once I have the surgery that's it, that's my body. And I guess I could keep a small bit of breast tissue but that's not the point lol

There's also the other side of the coin. I just looked in the mirror earlier and for a second my brain didn't register my chest and that felt so correct. It felt so right. But I'm still worried about making a decision because it'd be so much easier to just let my chest be the way it is because it doesn't bother me THAT much. And I wonder if a reduction would feel better but my chest is already on the small side (cant tell you the size bc i never bought real bras lol I've only ever worn sports bras) and I don't know if it would help me. Like what if I regret the reduction? Or on the flip side, what if I do it and it's not enough? I don't want to have to go under twice.

Idk, I've just been thinking about this for a few months now and I'm being indecisive about it. The decision will probably be influenced by how easily I could get the surgery (bc from what I've read you need a letter from a therapist and all that stuff here and also the insurances like to pretend that nonbinary people/people who wanto to do something other than the "normal/full transition" dont exist) and if I think it's worth the stress of having to explain those feelings that I dont even quite understand myself yet. I mean, having a surgery (or potentially going on hrt but somehow that is even more daunting than surgery to me) would make me visibly trans and I don't think my country is doing too well in regards to queer safety yet. I don't know if I want to be visibly trans but I know that I dont want to basically "fully transition" and be read as a man. That'd be too far in the other direction. Ideally I just want to confuse people but that sounds like an unsafe situation to be in, especially in my current almost fully cishet social circle...

Man, I wish Shape-shifting powers were real so I could just test things impermanently before actually going through with permanent changes. That'd make this whole thing so much easier.

Idk, I just wanted to be able to tell another trans person about this and maybe get some advice or something. Im so sorry about how long this got. Thank you for reading it! I appreciate your account a lot, it's nice to just read everyone's experiences. Thank you for running the account and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.

Everyone, go hydrate! /nf

- 🌌🌃

Hey kiddo!! I completely understand those worries and my best advice is: if you have any doubts, don't do it. Top surgery is irreversible and it isn't worth it. Wait until you're 1000% sure. I completely understand that's hard and other people's assumptions is so annoying. I wish shape shifting skills were real too!!! That would be so handy.

- dad x

[elftwink]

got a text from my coworker apologizing that she accidentally outed me to another coworker and i am not sure how to respond because on the one hand theres not really a safety issue and if there is fallout im pretty sure its handlable and the most likely outcome is literally nothing happens. like one of our other coworkers is openly nonbinary so this is not a stealth-necessary work environment and i have often considered coming out to coworkers with the main reason i havent being because i dont want to put the effort in to talk to everyone LOL. and the coworker who outed me is a pretty good friend and i know it was an accident and she feels bad so like i dont really want her to beat herself up about it or for it to reflect badly on our relationship

but on the other hand im not sure how to convey that without saying something like "no worries" or "you're fine" or otherwise minimizing what she did, which i dont want to do because despite there not being a safety issue it is kind of upsetting and nerve wracking. like i just dont have control over a situation where i previously did have control & there isnt a way to put that back the way it was. and i don't know exactly what our other coworker has been told either, or how he reacted, or anything really, so i just sort of have to wait until sunday to see if he says anything or treats me differently (the latter of which i think is extremely likely; not that he'll be directly bigoted, but ive talked to this coworker about trans stuff before and the conversations have been... ill informed and very exhausting. usually i just try to end them as fast as possible because i dont get paid enough to have a difficult conversation with someone who knows nothing but thinks they are an expert, especially when i am the only one of us with any personal experience).

she already feels bad and i dont want to make her feel worse (she's my friend!), but i also don't like being put in the position where i have to comfort her about the thing that she did to me. i know this isn't what she intended like i firmly believe this is a good faith apology, i just dont know how to respond to it in a way that doesn't involve saying it's okay. and i don't want to say it's okay because it really is not okay.

(the other thing also, which just has to do with the general atmosphere of transphobia and not my coworkers apology, is i find that i am usually expected to say everythings fine when something transphobic happens to me, lest i be painted as the evil and unreasonable transgendered who isnt willing to let people make mistakes and rules my tyrannical pronoun kingdom with an iron fist. or whatever. i dont think my coworker would react this way, but years and years of people misgendering/outing/saying transphobic things and then crying to me as though they're the victim and reacting extremely negatively if i did not dry their tears and reassure them that They're A Good Person, Really... it weighs on you. there's an unspoken expectation that you will be endlessly tolerant and forgiving, and an accompanying resentment or anger if you don't fulfill that expectation. even when people aren't getting angry at you, you still flinch from the times people were, and you still try to temper your reaction based on the possibility they will react badly. difficult to have honest and genuine conversations in that environment!)

[iluvthemangle]

afton (or, his basically self-insert character Spring Bonnie) being nonbinary is so funny to me., but like, I think it could be interesting to play around with that.

this post got a little longer than I'd like for people to have to scroll past so it's underneath now

when I talk about afton i mean, like, pre-fnaf. the beginnings of Fredbear Diner, still good friends with Emily, etc.

do you think he ever felt bad about it? this was the eighties, its highly unlikely he had any real space for him to explore that, especially in the suburbs.

i wonder if he ever talked to Emily about it? and I wonder if, had he done that, what would Emily's reaction be?

in cartoon characters I've noticed that-neutral- or -masculine- often means male, and feminine always means feminine. not showing feminine traits is what deems a character as male, not the presence of masculinity. like that post about animals in Disney movies. there's the normal one, and then the Girl one.

i guess afton was going for this with spring Bonnie, and even blue Bonnie! even in thefanbase, there was confusion.because theyre both veryneutral.,

it can be reasonably assumed that spring Bonnie is male BECAUSE they aren't feminine, but it's enough wiggle room for people to assume they're male anyways

i really like that post that said that afton would be happy to see spring Bonnie drawn by children who assume they're female, with more attached feminine traits and whatnot

i like to assume that funtime foxy and pre-mangle Mangle were also an exploration of the opposite thing. how feminine could a character get before being assumed to be only female? I mean, they've got lipstick on... I think the fan base has always seen those two as female, but I've leaned more towards male, especially for funtime foxy in SL

so, I will think about what the convo between afton and Emily would look like

given the time period I can at the very least say emily would be confused. afton brings up in passing, that spring Bonnie was to be devoid of a gender, or maybe emily asks about it, or something

then it sort of goes on from there? like, afton never explicitly says anything about being queer in the slightest, but it's sort of... implies? assumed...

whats that meme? uhhh

"im probably nonbinary but i have to murder children so I can't worry about that"

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[klausysworld]

how would klaus react to someone coming out as nonbinary to him? friend or s/o either one

Secrets shared

Keeping secrets from Klaus Mikaelson was not an easy task. It’s draining and has had me on edge for ages. It’s not that i don’t trust him with my secret but it’s very personal to me and i know that he was born over a thousand years ago which could mean that maybe he sees the world in a more old fashioned way? Would he even know what non-binary means? Would he think i’ve been lying to his face this whole time? Or what if he thinks its a joke?

Questions like that are the reason i would rather just swallow down the worry, not tell him and pretend everything is fine.

And it was until this afternoon…

I was out with Cami and Davina, we were wondering round different stools in New Orleans to find anything that we thought was nice to go in our rooms or that we could wear. We even did a fake witch reading for a joke, we had been out for lunch so now we were just walking around for a little while. Both Cami and Davina knew that i was non-binary and said that they would always love me and they immediately began adapting to my new gender neutral name. What i hadn’t realised was that Klaus was also by the stools trying to find me and had heard Cami yell “y/n” over one of the stands and motioning me to come over

When i got back home to the compound and strolled up the stairs i peeked my head into Klaus’s art room to check how his day was but he was already stood at the doorway with his arms crossed and a glare on his face directed at me… although if you looked enough he just looked kind of upset and a little angry

“Did something happen? Is someone hurt?” were my go to questions hoping that nothing tragic had happened while i was out. However he just scoffed and narrowed his eyes

“Who exactly is y/n? or should i ask who you are? What this entire time you thought you could deceive me!? Are you a witch? Here to take my daughter from me again!“ Klaus’s voice got progressively louder making tears spring to my eyes as i backed to the wall when he walked forward, his hands on my shoulders with a firm grip

“Who are you and why are you in my house” it was dangerously calm whisper and i tried my best to collect myself

“I’m y/n but not because i’m a lier or a bad person! I just sort of changed my name and i you don’t know about it yet but i was gonna tell y-“ he cut me me off before i could finish

“Do you think me a fool? How would i not know if you had changed your name, Im with you every day” it began harsh but his face had softened a little when he noticed tears freely streamed down my face

“I kept it a secret because i didn’t think that you would understand” my voice was below a whisper and if it weren’t for his supernatural hearing i don’t think he would have heard anything

“understand what love?” his hand cupped my jaw when i wouldn’t look at him as he guided my gaze back to his

“I’m not a girl Klaus…but i’m not exactly a boy either.. i’m just sort of neither? i don’t… it’s..” i stopped when his lips pressed against mine, soft and gentle, i kissed him back with the same tenderness before he pulled away

“You’re non-binary? Or do you prefer not to be labelled?” i just kind of blinked at him when he said that, surprise was evident on my face that he had any idea of what i was on about. Klaus simply smiled and kissed my cheek

“And y/n is a great name, it suits you very well… i apologise for thinking you would betray me, it was a pathetic thought. I’m sorry you didn’t think i would accept you, i’ll love you no matter your name or how you identify”

i wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his neck

“thank you nik…i love you too, always”

his arms circled my waist and his hands rubbed my back

“and forever y/n, always and forever”

[quiddityg]

KLOKTOBER 2023

Day 4: favorite headcanon

I don't rlly have any super favorite headcannons? So I just kinda tossed some general headcannons I have for each character lawlz

More about each character cause some of the headcannons are rlly vague lawlz

Nathan:

Hes on the Aromantic spectrum, where although he wants a romantic relationship, hes never rlly comfortable in relationships. Hes heteromantic though, where any romantic feelings he may have are only for women, and he generally find women way more attractive than men, but he still has those moments where he finds a guy rlly sexually attractive (cough cough pickles)

Also hes so autism coded it's like not even funny. He probably has the worst sensory issues when he eats chips and gets all that residue on his fingers.

Pickles:

Transgender!!!! I like to think he got top surgery as soon as money started rolling in for the band, and he probably also got bottom surgery also so he can fuck groupies without having to worry about them outing him or smth. That or hes a classic strap on man, which would also be super real of him.

This man is totally bi, he doesnt rlly have any major preference, but just goes for women more often.

I also like to think hed got ADHD but thats also me projecting like a madman cause mwehehe

Toki:

I like to think he's pansexual but like, kinda doesnt rlly realize it? Like, he generally finds all sorts of people attractive, but doesnt elly act on anything, especially with other men cause he thinks it's too gay or something. All around he doesnt have a preference, and his attraction to people isnt bound by their gender.

I also like to think hes nonbinary, in the sense where he doesnt consider himself to be innately masculine or feminine at his core. That being said, hes like never heard of nonbinary people before, and hes comfortable enough as is, and knows who he is that he doesnt rlly care to put labels onto himself in that way. If he cared about pronouns, hed probably go by he/they/she

Hes also totally autistic, maybe audhd but idk

Skwisgaar:

I'm sorry, I cant see him as anything else but straight. I mean, I could see him fooling around with other guys, but I dont think he would have any real sexual attraction to them, it would just be for fun. (I know skwistok shippers are not happy with me about this but IM SORRY I JUST CANT SEE HIM DOIN THATT)

That being said, I also kinda see him falling under the aromantic spectrum, specifically where he may experience minor amounts of romantic attraction, but sees no real importance in either engaging in it, or being in a romantic relationship in general.

The dyslexia bit is kinda canon knowing how he has music dyslexia with sheet music, but I also like to think he struggles with reading in general. That being said, hes probably rlly good at counting knowing how amazing he is at guitar.

Murderface:

How I see him, hes a closeted bisexual, and I mean CLOSETED!! Hes probably entirely oblivious about everyone elses queer identities and sees his attraction to men as an aberration of sorts. I also like to think he may find men more attractive, but would never admit it as long as he lives.

Charles:

I fought demons here cause I legit see Charles as just, gay. BUT, after some thought I was like, erm, maybe he would take interest in some women?? So I just said he was bi with a major preference for men.

I also see Charles falling under the asexual spectrum, specifically where he does experience minimal sexual attraction, and isnt against having sex, but he doesnt see any importance it and is way too fucking busy. He has better things to do, basically.

[walnutcookie]

CAN I HEAR ABT YOU TSP X COOKIE RUN AU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS

AUAUUAHWOWHAOHDKF THMAKYOU SO MUCHH FOR THIS ASK /GEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IVE BEEN BRAINROTTINF OVER THIS AU .....

i dont know what to talk about specifically so BLEHHH WORD VOMIT TIME💥💥💥 ill try to seperate them into sections so its a liiiittle easier to read ?

sorry if this isnt written the best its late and im tired GZHDJBFF

Storykeeper

SO . The narrator in this au is timekeeper AKA storykeeper since. keeper of the story :]c shes like a mix of the tsp narrator and timekeeper where shes very dedicated to her story and gets worried about stanley sometimes but also she often gets BORED and enjoys to see stanley stray off the path and even encourages him to!!!

The Stanleys

these are the four stanleys

almond, walnut, roquefort, and cappuccino

sk just Plucked them out of a regular timeline and put them in her little story to watch them scurry around like rats in a maze. All of the stanleys are in completely different office buildings but in rare instances they collide and cause anomalies where two or more stanleys encounter each other which can cause a whole lot of confusion!! sk also puts them in the same office building for fun sometimes👍

sk is everywhere all at once so theyre able to monitor each stanley at the same time :] and to clarify just like canon tsp none of the stanleys can actually see her its more like a voice inside their head. The stanleys cannot talk although they can still think!! they cant communicate with storykeeper and she cant read their minds but they can communicate telepathically with each other if close enough

ALSO all of them are just called stanley!!! sk had to give them different colored ties to differentiate them (now they look like tally hall/j). three of them are trans women and one is nonbinary but theyre all just. Misgendered since they are taking the role OF stanley (this is not fun for the stanleys but there is nothing they can do about it)

Almond

i like thinking about how all of the different stanleys act a lot. almond is the more Serious one who tries to follow every direction. Unfortunately after like the third time of getting the standard ending storykeeper gets bored and just Does things to him to try to get him to do something more interesting. This comes in the form of The Bucket when he starts hearing his daughters voice coming from it and becomes instantly very overprotective and attatched to it <3 he would do anything for that bucket.

even kill.

sk tells him that he has to kill cappuccino or else the bucket gets it and he does so Very enthusiastically!!! by choking him and bashing her head in with a dozen coffee mugs

but yeah. He obeys most commands :] sk thinks hes kind of bland but his dedication to that bucket is fascinating to her

Walnut

Walnut is VERY curious. A very interesting one indeed as she both obeys and disobeys sk depending on how appealing the options are to her!!!! literally all she wants to do is explore the offices she is going to check EVERY door handle and look in EVERY nook and cranny and crevice. she is going to examine every paper and sift through every desk. sk is very annoyed by this as it means that she is Slow as hell when actually going through the story but walnut tends to do some very unexpected things which is entertaining sometimes!!! In the end she is naturally drawn toward any sort of mystery so she can be persuaded to give up exploring so that she can solve it faster :]c

although she starts to become a little uneasy wandering through the seemingly endless building without a single other soul in sight and thus she is also given The Bucket!! it reminds her of her mother and she carries it around because she feels protected and not so alone :)

Roquefort

Roquefort is by far the most entertaining to storykeeper. they are absolutely unpredictable and they manage to find every single choice that wasnt intended to be possible!!! sk cant even be upset because she is FASCINATED by them. it gets to a point where she just creates new scenarios for them just to see what theyd do and she is very entertained by how they manage to surprise them every time

roquefort is also offered a bucket though refuses it. and then it appears in the next room. and the next. and Oh god they are TERRIFIED of that bucket because it keeps FOLLOWING them. they cannot stand it. they want it gone

Cappuccino

Cappuccino is basically the opposite of almond! girlie is so pissed that hes being told what to do all the time that she goes out of her way to do almost everything sk tells her NOT to do. storykeeper is infuriated by this at first but then sees the potential in it because it is VERY fun to use cappuccino as her own personal lab rat/stress ball and just! Do awful things to him!!! like have almond beat the shit out of him<3

he also is given a bucket but has the standard Attatchment to it as seen in tsp for no special reason other than its a bucket. Good way to make him do things!

OKAY thats all ill talk about for now but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK AGAIN!!!!<333 thiz was so fun to type it made me so happy auauaua,,, if anyone has any further questions id be happy to answer ! :3

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A big one about ships, a couple of follow-ups, a couple of random twst-related ones (there is one about yandere!Ortho)!

Anonymous asked:

i also notice that uhh, you ship f/f and m/m but not f/m? (I mean ofc twst has Three Women Total but ive heard of women in series you've liked before), does f/m feel weird to you? do you just happen to not ship any of it?? i mean im not judging or anything, i only like m/m LOL.

also on this topic, since ive been meaning to ask,. you only call katsu your partner, not anything gendered, so does that mean they're nonbinary?? (i assume katsu reads stuff on your blog/you read stuff together so KATSU PLEASE PLEASE INFLUENCE YOUR PARTNER TO DRAW MORE FISH NEOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Hi Anon!

We do have some het ships, but they really are rare. We talked about it at some point, here are the posts: 1, 2. Katsu was kind enough to find them… But it was ages ago (3 years ago, in fact), so I’ll talk about it again!

It isn’t weird for us to ship f/m; and if the dynamic is our “type”, we’ll very likely to gravitate towards the said ship. A good example of one of our favourite het ships is Eren and Annie from SnK. They have a lot of features and elements of our favourite m/m and f/f ships: one is passionate, determined, stubborn and a bit dumb (due to being blinded by his own determination), the other one is quiet, snarky, a kind of depressed and looks unapproachable, but actually has a soft spot for the first one.

And the girl doesn’t always have to be the “passive” one, because a lot of our favourite het ships could be described as “a bossy woman/a pushover guy that complains a lot”. Like Jordan Sullivan/Perry Cox from the tv series “Scrubs”.  So the guy bitches about how much of a Satan she is and how miserable she makes him, and he clearly knows just how villainous she could be, and yet for some reason the moment she stops torturing him with her attention, he is suddenly lost and confused. Basically, it’s either this, or the previous dynamic for the most part lol

If the ship is fun to play around with, we’ll ship it, even if it’s f/m. We don’t have anything against it in general. But we do have a bias towards f/f and m/m ships that is partially caused by the fact that our favourite dynamics are more likely to exist within those. And of course because the same sex ships are less likely to get canonized and therefore reduced to “happily ever after” in canon… which is something that we absolutely hate :(

And to answer your second question: Katsu isn’t non-binary; it’s just that the pronounces that we use are all over the place. It’s mostly due to the fact we use masculine form when talking to each other (and a lot of our friends) in Russian, mostly out of habit: a lot of people of our generation did (or still do) that either for the sake of sounding more neutral or because they used to roleplay male characters. I’m simplifying it a lot though; it’s kind of one hell of a can of worms that works differently for different people lol This is why you can really use any pronoun when talking about us, it doesn’t really matter that much. Katsu called me a “he” in one of the Nebula replies a couple of weeks ago lol and likes it more in general.

But technically Katsu and I are each other’s girlfriends. We can’t get married, so this status is permanent, but it doesn’t sound that serious, I guess.

And worry not, Katsu has heard your prayers… the other day we were actually shocked to learn that it’s been quite a while since we’ve posted anything fish-related, wow yikes! Gotta fix that!

Anonymous asked:

Hi, a little late but about the twst girls post... I still think about Jamil's vulva... her pink flesh stick out so shyly... that's the outcome of her hard work as Kalim's servant! haha 😵‍💫🤭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Anooon! Thank you so much <3 I love talking about the twst girls very much, so I am very happy that you still think about it. I put my entire heart into Jamil’s…. yep. That part that Kalim looks at every time they take a bath together. And do other things.

We do have an ask about all the girlies’ private parts, and I am in the process of writing it. I really hope to finish it soon, and you just motivated me even more 💪😔💕

Anonymous asked:

The tapis rouge event isn't even over yet and I'm already wondering who they're going to choose if they decide to make an extra ssr card like silk Vil and applepom Jamil. Based on the group they have in this event, Floyd seems to be the most likely candidate. Maybe Ace and Jamil are feeling generous! I could also see Azul getting his hands on an extra outfit and just handing it to the tweels going "you guys can figure it out" and letting them decide. If I had to choose anyone, I would like for Azul to give it to Idia, just to see him uncomfortable in fancy clothes (also the fact that it's a gift from Azul... The ultimate betrayal!!!). Who would you choose?

Oh good question!!

I would love to see either Floyd or Jade, they would look great, especially Floyd, considering the fact that he is also quite a stylish guy lol I can also picture Azul just giving them an extra outfit so the tweels could fight for it. But even in that scenario Jade is going to let Floyd have it, I think….

However, for some reason if feel like they’re going to pick someone from a different dorm. So Idia actually would be a great pick. I feel like it’s been a while since he had Non-Birthday SSR cards..? I might be biased because I really love the guy and would LOVE to see him suffer while wearing high fashion. The more I think about it, the more I want this to actually happen wow lol

Anonymous asked:

sometimes I forget if I put myself anonymously. anyways, opinions on yandere Ortho? stuff like Ortho possibly messing with idias brain or TW:body modification

possibly changing his brothers body so they can be together forever? like replacing his limbs with robotic ones that type of stuff

You’re good, Anon; and if you suddenly realize that you wanted to send something via Anon, just tell us and we won’t post your username!

We talked about yandere Ortho quite a lot, here are some of the posts on this topic: 1, 2.

But actually! I believe we never really talked about things that you’ve mentioned, which is a shame, because this is such a hot idea. Saying goodbye to Idia sounds like something that Ortho would never want to happen, so he really might start modifying Idia’s body while he is still young. One day Idia is just going to wake up with his legs cut off, because Ortho suddenly decided that it’s time to start. Why didn’t he talk about it with Idia first? Well, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission, right? Hehe~

Anonymous asked:

Re: Eric and the teachers meeting

Maybe during parent-teacher meetings? 👀

Could be! But this is too brief of a meeting I think… well, doesn’t matter, if we ever get the urge to ship Eric with anyone, we’ll find a way. 👀

Anonymous asked:

wait a minute. if those previous anons do take over jade and idias spot wont they end up together???

OH SHOOT YOU’RE RIGHT.

Damn. I hope those two Anons have fun. Jade will sit there and watch. And force Idia to also watch.