#even if now we ask ourselves if he’s still a human being or something else

[marymary-diva17]

In laws

neteyam x reader

When you had married your best friend neteyam and thought everything, was finally going well after many challenges getting in the way of your relationship. As the relationship neteyam was seen as something of forbidden love he was navi and you are human born on pandora, but not avatar body yet. That was not the only issues that was getting in the way of your relationship there was also the people around some love the relationship and others hated it. The biggest challenge was the in laws neteyam parents a challenging that you were still deal with to this day.

y/n " ummm"

neteyam " good morning my yanwe"

y/n " morning my husband" neteyam soon got out from the bed he was always a early raiser like his father Jake.

y/n " going scouting with your father again"

neteyam " yes he asked me if I wish to come and I agreed"

y/n " that wonderful wow I can't believe we have been mates for over five months now"

neteyam " five good months I owe praise to the great mother, for giving me a wonderful mate like you"

y/n " you are such a flirt" you soon pushed neteyam back a bit making the man laugh, as you soon started getting the home and yourself ready for the day.

y/n " I love our home it warm and beautiful"

neteyam " well we did make it with the help of my siblings and everyone else"

y/n " yes we owe them greatly"

neteyam " has norm given you any update on giving you and spider avatar bodies"

y/n " well they have been able to make one for me and spider after collect some dna samples for us and, using a formal from the old base and the RDA abandoned base they were able to get enough for us and everyone else"

neteyam " that wonderful ma y/n soon enough you can be navi and I will help you learn all the ways"

y/n " thank you" neteyam soon kissed your right check making you giggle and kiss him back as well, the two of you are a pair of love birds.

neteyam " I will be home for dinner but if anything change I will call you"

y/n " good and no need to rush back home I have enough stuff, family, and friends to keep me busy"

neteyam " that good to hear and if my dd invites us over to dinner will that be good for you"

y/n " yes they are now my family and we should be getting along"

neteyam " that why I love you"

????? " hey there you two" you and neteyam soon looked and saw Jake walking over with lo'ak, kiri, and spider in toe with him.

lo'ak " it seems like you two are getting along well"

y/n " well yes we are we were friends at first and now married together"

kiri " you two are a perfect couple because now I have another reason to call y/n my sister even more"

spider " hey if you can get into the clan so can I ...someday"

neteyam " don't worry you two soon everyone else will come around give them time"

y/n " yes brother don't worry everything will be fine"

spider " thank you sis" you and spider were not blood related but were raised together as siblings, by norm and tsu'tey who become your guys parents.

Jake " neteyam it right change it hard for the people but sooner or later they will come around and expect you two and the others as well"

y/n " thank you sir"

Jake " you don't have to call me sir anymore y/n we are family you can call me Jake"

y/n " yes Jake"

Jake " see oh here comes your father and dad"

tsu'tey "good morning everyone"

norm " yes good morning it seems like all of you are up where is tuk"

lo'ak " at home with mom"

norm " oh"

tsu'tey " so how is our young couple doing"

neteyam " we are doing well tsu'tey are you y/n"

y/n " yes we are five good months of marriage or being mates"

norm " that wonderful to hear"

Jake " well we will be leaving today will you girls be fine here today"

kiri " yes we can find something to keep ourselves entertained and busy I'm right y/n"

y/n " yes we can kiri"

neteyam " please no doing anything dangerous"

kiri " we make no said promise brother and who says you all get to have all the fun today"

spider " hey don't have that much fun without us"

y/n " we wouldn't"

Jake " come on you all can fight about this later we can't be late"

the boys " yes sir" you waved goodbye to the group with kiri as the two of you soon walked around the village carrying some empty baskets.

kiri " so it seems like mated life has been going well for you"

y/n " yes it has but there has been some problems in our relationship, that was there before and now"

kiri " my mother and the rest of the clan"

y/n " yes no matter what I do I think I will never have neytiri approval, or the clan approval they all hate me and think I stole neteyam away ... that my demon ways will brainwash him and doom the clan" you and kiri look at each other and soon fall out laughing,

kiri " they are all foolish there is no way you will bring doom to the clan, and same goes with spider and norm ... you three and the others have been here for us in these many years"

y/n " thank you"

kiri " my mother can be stubborn but I hope she does come around, because she can't hate you forever if you and neteyam plan for a family in the future and you two are bonded to be forever"

y/n " yes I hope she does come around but I will be nice and civil, as I wish to not cause any issues with the family"

tuk " kiri y/n" tuk soon came running towards you and kiri, she soon stopped when she reach the two of you.

y/n " hey tuk oh you are wearing that new top"

tuk " well you and kiri helped me make it and I felt like wearing it today"

kiri " it looks good on you baby sister our dear y/n has amazing weaving talent doesn't she"

tuk " yes she does"

y/n " aww you two are so nice" the three girls had laugh and smile before they went back to walking, soon reaching the field where fruit and herbs were grown with many other stuff as well.

mo'at " girls it good to see you out there today"

tuk " grandmother hello"

mo'at " hello sweetie y/n it good you are here I been meaning to have some more times to talk with you"

y/n " oh yes ma'am have I done something wrong"

mo'at " no I was wish to speak more with my grandson mate, as you are now apart of our family and have been doing well in the clan ... I'm proud of you"

y/n " thank you"

kiri " see grandmother see you are apart of the family and clan, you are seen by many"

mo'at " what the matter girls"

kiri " it seems like after her and neteyam become mates she still facing some issues with the clan"

mo'at " I'm sorry my dear it seems like I might need to have words with the people and my daughter"

tuk " how do you know it mom"

mo'at " I know my daughter well I will deal with the others I had deemed you and neteyam to be mates by my will and eywa will, if they wish to go against that then they are going against me and te great mother"

y/n " wow that taking it a step up"

mo'at " anything to make you and my grandson happy you are one of eywa children no matter what my daughter and the people have to say" you had nodded your head mo'at had left the three girls alone as she was needed back at the village, you are enjoying your time with kiri and tuk.

tuk " I hope I can find love like you and neteyam y/n"

y/n " don't worry tuk you will find love one day"

kiri " I think I rather stay single all my life verse being with someone"

y/n " that good as well do what you want"

????? " you" all three of them had gotten spoked when they heard neytiri voice, she soon made her way towards the three girl and she looked mad.

tuk " mom"

neytiri " not now tuk I need to speak with her"

kiri " mom what the matter"

neytiri " this girl since she was very young has been looking for a way to get into the family and clan, and now that she her she had turned your brother against me and your grandmother .... the once harmony we had in our clan has been ruined"

kiri " mom that not her fault"

neytiri " so you are blaming me for what is happening to our family, when it all her fault you ruined my son life and now you are ruing my family soon enough the clan"

y/n " neytiri with all respect your son and I really love each other"

neytiri " that false love you two will never have a family he need a proper women from the clan and I'm not the only one who think that ... he was meant to be with ninat daughter but you came and ruined everything" neytiri was not backing down as she was looking at you with hate in her eyes and voice.

tuk " mom you are being mean to y/n she our family and we love her, and no matter what the future has for her and big brother they will be happy"

kiri " yes mom what if they have kids what will you do about your grandchildren"

neytiri " that is foolish no way you and my son will never have children and if that does happen I pray to eywa that, are like my son and nothing like you I don't want demon blood on my family"

navi " yes we don't need demon blood or demon children in our clan"

navi 2 " our future oloeythan should be with someone else we have better women then her"

navi 3 " her and all the other demons are ruining our lives with their stuff and way of life, we will be better off if they stay away"

y/n " so no matter what I do you will never expect me neytiri and the same goes for the rest" the silence from neytiri and everyone else proved you right.

y/n " my future children will either get love or hate from you and everyone else ... well neytiri if I do have children I pray to eywa and anything else I have the willing power and strength to keep them happy and love .... I will make sure none on destroy them with their words and looks I have been given"

neytiri " one day my son will see the light and error of his way, and if there are kids I hope he take them far away from you and others like you"

y/n " we will see if that happens but it good to know who will in my future kids lives now before they come into this world" you soon stormed off grabbing you basket as tuk ran after you and kiri standing, to scold her mother before she came as well. The two of them stayed with you at your home as you try to control your emotions, and keep you company until neteyam comes back.

Later that day

y/n " ........"

tuk " y/n don't give mom the time of day she being rude towards you and many others"

y/n " I know but I'm just tried"

neteyam " y/n" soon neteyam came came dashing into the home and looked at you. He soon was followed by everyone else who were not standing at the entrance of the home.

kiri " she very upset about what mom had said to her"

Jake " what happened girls" the three girls had informed the group of what happened and to say no on was happy will be understatement. Jake look so disappointed about the whole situation as he was looking at his son and you.

Jake " right now there will be no major conflict with neytiri I will speak mo'at and we will deal with her, I will also make sure to have some words with her as well"

neteyam " thank you father I will have some words with her tomorrow, after I rest my nerves as I wish not to say anything bad to her"

Jake " I understand"

lo'ak " why don't we stay ...."

Jake " son I know you had good intentions right now but I think it best if we leave neteyam and y/n together you can spend time with her tomorrow, they will need to talk about what will happen in thier future"

lo'ak " yes sir" norm and tsu'tey hugged their daughter before they left, leaving the coupe alone as neteyam was comforting a sad and tried y/n. Everyone was upset about the situation and soon the event of today had been shared with the other humans, and they were not happy as well they felt bad for you.

neteyam " form tonight on I will keep you safe and I will keep our future family safe as well"

y/n " thank you and I'm sorry I tried I really did ..."

neteyam " it okay I understand" neteyam held you close that night he was upset with his mother, and was going to deal with her later on. He was going to keep true to his promise and make sure no one else, hurts his mate again even if that means cut some people out of his life.

[littleprince612]

Lies of P - ENDING EXPLAINED, THEMES & FAQ

MAJOR SPOILERS MAJOR SPOILERS ENDING SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

By the way, this is not a lore analysis at all, this is a discussion on the thematic ideas in the story, and I refer to the player character interchangeably as "we" or P/Pinocchio. This is also all just my personal interpretations on the story, and is subject to inaccuracy.

Please enjoy my spark notes-esque analysis on Pinocchio souls!!

Was Carlo evil?

My answer is no. This is a bit complex, so I’ll try to answer within two questions.

In one of the endings, P surrenders his heart and Geppetto then uses it to revive Carlo, his biological son. Carlo then ends up killing everyone in the hotel if we choose to "save" him. He steps out into the rain, looks at Geppetto, and smiles (something that P doesn’t do), seemingly confirming his newly found humanity.

This does seem like a happy ending at first, doesn't it? By submitting to him, We/Carlo may win the purely conditional love of our father, but this comes at a cost. He has surrendered a part of himself in obedience. He no longer has any agency. Thereby making him a puppet in the ideological sense:

The game has a meaningful mechanic where our hair will grow during the duration of the game. Carlo's presented with short hair, but he's also wearing the same outfit (white blouse) we had in the train station; This is the version of ourselves from the beginning of the game. Like showing all that development we made is now gone for submitting to our father, we're right back to where we started, even as a "real boy”: a non-realized being who is at the call of someone else, a (Gasp!) puppet.

Why does Geppetto sacrifice himself instead of calling the attack off?

Let’s say instead of giving away the heart, we refuse. Geppetto, disappointed, then opens the suitcase he’s been carrying since the first trailer. He reveals the unnamed puppet boss, raises up the unnamed puppet on strings, and attempts to take the heart by force. 

If you survive the first phase of the fight, P is able to slice the top his head off. There's then an animation of the "strings" around the nameless puppet being cut, becoming more ethereal.

The fight goes on as it does, and then something strange happens. The nameless puppet seemingly defies Geppetto, and nonsensically attacks the heart Geppetto so needs in the first place, at which point he is so desperate for Carlo's revival that he dives in front of us.

Geppetto asks, shocked, "Were you trying to destroy Carlo's heart?"

What’s in the box?

Geppetto opens the suitcase we’ve seen him carrying since the first trailer, and raises up the nameless puppet. In the other ending, we can see that the body in the suitcase is indeed Carlo. 

I think that Carlo/Nameless puppet regained some amount of sentience after being damaged. After the "real boy ending", Geppetto has him kill the rest of the people in Hotel Krat. Carlo being revived would mean Geppetto still has absolute control over his son. 

Short answer: He lost control of the puppet in the second phase and it either sabotaged him or acted purely of its own accord to end the fight. I think the implication was that even Carlo knew being brought back was a bad idea. Damn :(

[note: people online have pointed out: It’s implied that Geppetto seems to have heavily neglected Carlo, and Carlo may have hated Geppetto in reality ("I don't care if an old man like that kicks the bucket!"). This reinforces the idea that the Carlo we see at the end is just a pawn.]

Is Pinocchio = Carlo?

I think this is one of the more interesting points. This is either ambiguous or left unresolved by the game; but I think it's probably true that Pinocchio and Carlo are virtually the same person. If Geppetto had just accepted our/P's decision not to surrender the heart, he may have still gotten the son back that he always wanted anyway. But for all intents and purposes, the game seems to answer that it doesn't matter. Antonia's final letter to us rather profoundly chooses not to answer the question.

Why Antonia is a real one

This is Antonia's final message to us, contrasted with Geppetto's role with us as a parent in our final battle. [emphasis mine]

To the wonderful gentleman who gave my precious time back to me, That time I met you was light itself. Whether you're that child or not, I think you're a kind, precious child. Thank you for giving my joy back to me in my last moments. To the young gentleman who resembles Carlo, Antonia Cerasani

[Remember, these are Antonia and Geppetto’s respective last words to us]

To be very fair, Geppetto was Carlo's actual parent; Antonia was not. But this seems to contrast with Geppetto asserting to us during the final boss sequence that we are just a puppet. The word "precious" is also very particular, as it's a word that Geppetto uses to refer to us near constantly ("Always remember that you're precious to me"/"it pains me to send someone so precious into such peril"). But while it could be read that we are only precious to him for ulterior reasons (because we carry the organ needed to revive Carlo), Antonia asserts that we are precious regardless. I see that as a truer, non-possessive love.

[also: Carlo's eyes are very noticeably brown (also seen in the painting), Our/P’s eyes are blue. Eyes, nearly always, have quite the symbolism! "The window to the soul", remember? While P and Carlo may have had a near-identical shell, I think this might be the game telling us that P and Carlo weren't truly the same. ]

Who’s a good boy?

Geppetto calls us "good boy" quite a lot. It's been fun watching various streams of this game, and whenever Geppetto calls us a "Good boy", I remember the chatroom filling up with messages of disgust, like: Good boy has real "Would you kindly" vibes! and: I squint my eyes at him every time he calls us a good boy like a dog.

It really reminds me of Mother Gothel! When Mother Gothel calls Rapunzel "pet" and consistently dresses her in undersized dresses, she's infantilizing Rapunzel to take away her agency. Cleverly, each time she tells Rapunzel she loves her, she seems to be directing that love to her hair! She's also constantly touching and caressing it. She isn't interested in Rapunzel as a person, but in the functional idea of her. Geppetto also expresses discomfort seeing us age (our hair growing), in contrast to Sophia's honest and enthusiastic interest. It's symbolic of his disdain towards our growing self-autonomy (growth into an adult).

[Even in the last hug with P, it’s a basically a ruse to grab the heart, and he never gives P a second look when he collapses for dead on the floor.]

[To be somewhat sympathetic to Bad Dad Giuseppe (I'm not defending him), it's also probably because we are now growing past the age that Carlo died. Essentially, we're starting to outlive him, and Geppetto has to witness the growing that Carlo never got to reach. That's got to be hard to bear.]

What does P actually stand for? P stands for Puppet, Not Pinocchio

People have noticed since the demo that we are never actually, explicitly referred to as "Pinocchio". The NPCs seem to dodge around saying "Pinocchio", opting for words “like Geppetto's puppet" or “child” instead. Given the story's inspiration and the game's title, however, it could be inferred that our name is Pinocchio. Why not just call us by name? 

Well, the doylist interpretation is that maybe they just didn't want to stir up some kind of trademark trouble with a certain Walter Mouse. But the game does something clever with this, lore-wise. After our "betrayal" at the hands of our father, I think the big reveal is simply that we are unnamed. Giuseppe gave us no name, showing he didn't view us as a true autonomous being.

Why does Geppetto apologize in the alternate "good ending"?

Both the endings are near identical, but when Geppetto is beginning to curse Pino, he apologizes instead. The beginning of the end cutscene is the same as the second “good ending”, where Geppetto tells us that we’re “just a useless puppet”. He's beginning to say this, except for when he sees the tear fall, at which point he seems to relent.

I think it's supposed to imply, seeing Pinocchio seemingly mourning for him, that in the very last moment Geppetto understood that either 1. Pinocchio was truly Carlo or 2. that he was sentient enough to be his tangible son anyway.

Is Pinocchio still alive? (+ Collodi's journey to Adulthood)

I think so!

If you've taken certain paths, you unlock the third ending, which is like the second ending, except with an additional scene where we can see P returning to the Alchemist's tower to look at a peaceful Krat. P then uses the ergo from Sophia into a puppet replica, at which point he collapses, seemingly from exhaustion. Sophia cradles him as he sleeps and serenely tells us it's good to see us again.

In the book, Pinocchio, after travailing to support both his ailing father and the sick blue fairy, falls asleep and dreams that he is visited by the blue fairy. The fairy, now whole and healed, tells him he hasn't been the best son, but that boys who support their parents are "deserving of great praise". When he wakes, he is a human boy, and his puppet form lies lifeless on a chair. It isn't Pinocchio showing pure obedience that makes him into a real boy, but the selfless act of caring for his father (the reversal of the parent-child structure). In my interpretation - her final message is this: That he was never perfect, (and perhaps he would never be perfect), but the bottom line was that he loved his father, and that was enough to make him human. [I think there's something in my eye!]

(Easter - The Resurrection of Christ, Rebirth, Death and renewal, Spring) 

In case you don't know (I didn't btw), the statue in the Exhibition is actually Michelangelo's La Pieta. Its inclusion in the game not only alludes to the novel's Italian origins, but also serves as a central visual motif as it's representing Jesus's death in the arms of Mary. This visual motif is revisited by P and Sophia at the end of the game in the “true” (canonical) ending. Symbolically, In the selfless act of reviving Sophia and at the end of his journey, he has transcended and broken the "egg shell of his puppet body" into a true adult (a human being). 

Does lying make us human?

At the centre of Collodi's Pinocchio is a father-son relationship wherein underlies an unconditional love. But this game has quite the different father-son relationship. When puppets are made, they are meant to follow under the laws of the Grand Covenant, and our father is the father of all puppets. Namely, each time we lie, this is in defiance of our father figure. Remember, the rule is that a puppet cannot lie. Lying doesn't have the connotation it has in the book or in popular culture adaptations of Pinocchio. Rather, lying in the game seems to infer choice and not deception.

It isn't just the act of disobedience (Self-agency) that gives us our autonomy ("A man chooses", mirroring Bioshock), In many cases in the story, we are asked if it’s better to comfort someone with a lie than telling them a truth that maybe wouldn’t serve them. In that way, you can also view lying as the selfless act of taking a burden.

Again, this adapts Collodi's psychological ideas in the book on the growth of the self-interested nature of the hedonistic, narcissistic child into the empathetic "adult" that works to serve others. [I know I might come across as harsh here, but bear with me, I’m just trying to speak in literary terms.] But while Collodi's Pinocchio focuses on the selfless nature of a parent, Lies of P focuses on the self-agency of an adult. 

So why is Lies of P so dead serious about Pinocchio? Well, it's an elaborate metaphor for self-autonomy.

In Conclusion…

Does Lies of P have an identity issue in of itself? Great soulslike? PuppetBorne 2.0? But it's also a beautifully rendered Pinocchio adaption. Quite unusual, perhaps, but there's a quote that bizarrely enough comes to mind when I think of the audacity of a Pinocchio themed soulslike - Talent is hitting the target nobody else can hit, while genius is hitting the target nobody else can see. I think there is a reason why the tale of Pinocchio persists and persists.

[mr-clow]

Kal’Hal notes on a human ship. Part 4:

I walked fast into the mess hall, I didn’t have too much time to eat before my shift after the talk with Alex and his plan. I glanced quickly and nobody from my team was there. That made me nervous, what if Alex plan didn’t worked! It was too late to let him know, so I hurried up, maybe I could avoid all this.

Suddenly my tray flew off my hands, and suddenly I had food and tea dripping from my uniform.

Who the fuck you think you are, damn alien!

Wh… Wha… Alex?

Nobody teach you to clean your unif...

HEY APOLOGIZE NOW!!

ALEX BACK DOWN!

Suddenly, an angry mob of humans was coming to us. Alex tried to keep his plan going and try to grab my arm when suddenly Tom, the chef, jumped over the food stand and knock him down, at the same time I felt at least two pair of hands pulling me away from them. Two more people I barely knew went over Alex to restrain him, and I look to my side and Claire was starting to wipe my uniform. I remembered her name only from the initial meeting, I haven’t even seen her from that day, and there she was sincerely concerned about me.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!? Everyone froze when the captain walked into the room and screamed. In that eerie silence the only thing that was heard was Alex voice “Do you trust us now?”

I had totally missed my shift, my uniform was still messed up and Alex’s too. He had a black eye and was holding an ice pack over the back of his head. I was worried about him, but more worried about being in a closed office, with the captain looking us in silence while her anger ate my consciousness.

Lt Husker, if you open your mouth even to breath, I will send you back home in a pod before the end of the day. Is that clear? Alex nodded and looked at the floor.

Well Eng. Laffite, I have to say that you could have gone easily if I hadn’t heard what Alex said, but suddenly I feel you are as guilty of all this as him. Could you elaborate?

Yes captain, you are right, I’m equally guilty. I planned this scene with Lt Husker before going to the mess hall. (Alex looked at me with open eyes as trying to tell me something, but I ignored him) As the witness said, the idea was that he would make a fake attack on me to prove me his point.

So Eng. Laffite, you are telling me that you disrupted the peace on my ship for a bet?

No Captain, we didn’t bet, it was to prove a point.

Please, entertain me. Which was said point?

That I was safe on this ship captain, safe from my crewmates.

Excuse me, what did you say? Alex lifted a hand to ask permission to talk, seeing that the captain was more surprised than angry right now.

We walked down the aisle with Alex without saying a word. After he explained all that had happened, another thing surprised me. The captain congratulated him, shook his hand, and made him sign a “First and final warning”, something that wasn’t explained in my contract at least. Then, with an expression with more sweet than a mother, the captain looked at me and asked me if I felt safe or if I wanted time off, a companion or anything else. I assured her that it was not necessary and that Alex made all that was needed. Then, after a weirdly uncomfortable speech about disrupting the ship’s working environment, that all the present didn’t feel necessary, she told us to go clean ourselves and fill our posts.

I changed my uniform, clean myself and hurried to the engine room N°4, I hoped that Maggie was still there assembling the engine. Now I started feeling guilty of leaving all that work to her. As I was approaching, yelling could be heard. I recognized Maggie voice and a few others of the engineering department, As soon as I walked in everyone jumped and me and started talking at the same time.

I had to take a good time to explain to them everything that happened, they were planning to “fuck up” the people from security. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but it wasn’t good. That talk was long, and I was assaulted by several emotions, I had thought that I didn’t belong to a pack and here they were ready to ruin their careers for me. They felt bad too, even if it wasn’t their fault. After a long chat, everyone returned to their positions, some of them on the other side of the ship, and Maggie gave me what they call a hug. It was weird, this human, with a strength even high for her peers, was there holding me between her arms that could kill me at a whim and I felt better than I have ever felt. More safe, understood and loved than I ever remembered.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A human year has passed since I joined the crew. The first month were strange and full of misunderstandings, but everything worked better than I ever expected. The last two months we move to a joined quarter with Maggie, it was allowed under certain conditions in human ships to have a partner on the crew, and we made it work somehow.

Now our mission was coming to an end and the humans had this practice where, when the ship returned and all the paperwork was handled, they would have 30 rotations to do whatever they wanted to. Magg didn’t have any family, but she was really insisting on meeting mine. I had to explain to her several times that we were different, and my parents only raised me at the beginning of my life, and then we grew in large groups where we learned everything necessary, and she only dismissed it, saying that I had a bigger family than I wanted to admit.

After signing a lot of paperwork, I was ready to be responsible for a human on my home planet. She didn’t seem too worried, I guess that part fell only on me, and we boarded an express cruise to my world....

[orionsangel86]

Subtext Glorious Subtext! A Dreamling on Netflix analysis in The Sandman - Part 8

Reunited

Love means never having to say you're sorry - but you still should anyway!

8 chapters later we finally made it to the reunion! Phew! After a trip through 6 centuries and a whole emotionally rollercoaster of highs and lows, dramatic fights, flirtations, rain soaked break ups, angst filled abandonments, and everything in between, we reach the modern day once again and reunite with Dream as he stares sadly at the remains of the abandoned White Horse Tavern.

Now the audience knows exactly who he was returning too, and how important it is. What did Hob do when he discovered the White Horse was closing down? Surely he did something? We ask ourselves this as Dream looks down to find red painted arrows on the fence around the White Horse, directing him to a new inn literally called The New Inn.

Unsure what he will find, we follow Dream as he finds the New Inn and enters. @mimisempai did an excellent meta post of Dream's thought process during this reunion scene here which I adore (I admit I have used a lot of their gifs for this series so please give their stuff a reblog and give them a follow - gifmakers are the lifeblood of fandom and I wish I had the talent to do what they do).

I love how after all of the tension and clear discomfort he felt after leaving his sister, as he walked through the streets of London under the judging eyes of all those mortals who considered him "other", he finally finds somewhere he belongs. The tiny pause as he spots Hob sitting in the corner, and relief that passes across his face at that moment. He reorientates himself, and approaches.

Hob Gadling sits to one side, apparantly grading some papers, indicating that in this century he is a teacher of some kind. Without even looking up he pauses, aware of Dream's presence before even seeing him, even after all these years. He looks up slowly and his face lights up. It's glorious. Its so dramatic. It's such a relief to see.

After 133 years, there is no doubt, no questioning, no hurt shown, just immediate joy at seeing Dream again, and just a touch of that cheeky flirtation that we have come to associate with Hob. His first words: "You're late."

The way Dream smiles in this scene is unlike anything else we've seen from him so far the whole season. In a complete 180 from how he was acting at the start of this episode, and in a dramatic turn from even how he reacted to the other humans who looked his way on his return to Hob, Dream is open here, relaxed, at peace, content. All things we have NEVER seen from him before.

In the comic scene in 1989, as I previously showed in Chapter 7, the reunion between Hob and Dream went as follows:

Hob is nervous here, but in the show, in 2022, Hob has already had to deal with being stood up, and instead upon reuniting with Dream he keeps it light and playful, indicating to us that all is already forgiven - Hob's love for Dream shines through regardless of apologies and explanations. He doesn't need them, he's just happy Dream returned to him. Now unlike the comic, Dream apologises here anyway. This is particularly significant because Dream at this point in the comics is still rather resistant to apologies. It's another indication of how quickly the show is changing Dream. Where Hob clearly doesn't need the apology, Dream still gives it.

After Dream sits down he reclines back in the chair, relaxing. His body language significantly different from every other meeting we have seen, where he always sat rigidly and uncomfortably - always at odds with his surroundings, never quite fitting in. This time it's different. In accepting Hob's friendship, he has found a place on Earth where he belongs, where he can find comfort and acceptance regardless of how "other" he may be. This is something that the comics do not show, ever. But it's clearly important for the show.

I love the above gif because it gives such a clear indication of how happy they are to see each other again, the way they hold eye contact with each other and the scene ends with that gorgeous smile of Dreams. The smile that replaced this moment in the comics:

That significantly changes certain foreshadowing in the text, which I wrote about separately in this meta. I won't go too deeply into those changes again here, but basically I believe that this change means Dream has chosen life (symbolised by his return to the friend that refuses to die) rather than death (symbolised by his going back to the birds to listen to the sound of wings and therefore longing to hear them in death) - It's potentially changing the trajectory of the story leading eventually to the events of the Kindly Ones, but we are in early days and I don't want to speculate too much on events the show won't be tackling for a long time yet.

What makes this reunion scene so compelling beyond anything I've mentioned above, is how it is a beginning. The audience does not get to see what happens next, but oh do we want to. This is a classic fanfiction gap in the making. After everything we have just been through, after all the highs and lows of their developing relationship over 6 centuries, finally they are reunited and ready to take their relationship to the next level, its compelling stuff. Added to this the conversation that Dream has with Death earlier on in the episode, we can assume that Hob finally gets that all important name, and an explanation of what Dream is after all these years. It makes sense that he would get this in the show based on the various clues and information given to us so far even though he never does in the comic.

So then we have to consider what this reunion scene is saying in the subtext that isn't immediately obvious in the text. Many shippers would have already picked up on these things without really paying too much attention, because fandoms always tend to be more savvy and able to pick up on what the subtext is telling them than a general audience.

Firstly, the red arrows - whilst it is never textually confirmed that Hob painted those arrows, it is heavily implied in the text. Who else would add directions to a new inn to the fence outside a pub that was closed 30 years ago? Who else would possibly be looking for the White Horse in 2022 and even need directions? Only Dream. So Hob MUST have painted those arrows. This then further implies that Hob had something to do with the New Inn. Once again the audience is asked to fill in the gaps here. Even the name The New Inn has implications behind it, because of how obvious it is. There is a clear message laid out here in the few shots we get - the red arrows directing from the White Horse to the New Inn, the name being the New Inn, everything here screams of Hob, forever waiting, forever hopeful, the eternal optimist, spending 30 years working out a way to send a message to his stranger, to please find him again.

This Hob is someone who saw his only connection to his strange companion lost to him, but who was determined not to lose hope. This Hob cared so much that it's implied that he has spent 33 years painting and repainting grafitti on an old fence, ensuring that he will be found again. This Hob found a new pub, or he found a good site to build a new pub, or he invested in a new pub, but either way, it is strongly implied that he has involvement in the new pub, since such a name as The New Inn is also a direction in itself. This is a Hob who waited in the new pub for 33 years. He is seen to be marking papers of some kind, indicating that he has students, that he is a teacher, and yet he is doing his work in the pub which is not all that common. It raises the question of how much time he spends in this pub? We don't know the date that Dream shows up to reunite with Hob - other than it being set in summer - so how often does Hob spend his days waiting here? Even if he does own the New Inn, and sticks around to keep an eye on it and manage things, he is still doing his other job from the table in the corner. The most obvious interpretation is that Hob has spent the better part of 33 years sitting in this new inn, hoping that Dream would find him again. Was he prepared to wait a whole century?

This is an insane level of devotion from Hob. This is the biggest deviation from the comic by FAR. The show moved the timeline and in doing so, they have drastically shifted the nature of Dream and Hob's relationship simply because no normal person would surely care that much about someone they only meet once a century, especially when that person got mad and deserted them when they dared to call them a friend. The only way such devotion can really be explained is by assuming that the devoted person is harbouring some pretty intense feelings for the one they are devoted too. It reads as pretty damn romantic in my opinion. The only time I have seen similar devotion is... well, in Destiel. (sorry to keep bringing it up but i WAS a Destiel meta writer for years and I keep finding comparisons which are driving me a bit mad).

It's difficult, in my opinion, not to read Hob's devotion to Dream by the modern era as more than platonic. It's easy to argue that he is pining for Dream, that he desires him in more than one way. It's easy to read it as love. Possibly even as romantic love. Whilst Dream's feelings are less clear, we can see from his body language and general comfort upon reuniting with Hob that he finds himself in a place he can relax. That the show chose Dream's reunion with Hob to be the ending of the show version of the Preludes and Nocturns Sandman book instead of his implied longing for death, just screams to me that this particular relationship is going to be more important in the show version of the story going forward. Dream is more comfortable in this moment with Hob than he ever is at any other point throughout the show - even in his own realm in his own throne room (seriously I went back and watched it all again, the boy never relaxes outside of this one particular scene).

But if that hasn't yet convinced you that the creators of the show are trying to tell us something about Dream and Hob, we only need to keep watching to get to the final scene of this episode. Before we have even cut away from Dreams smiling face as he stares lovingly at Hob, we hear the beats of a new song begin to play. Desire by Bob Moses introduces us to Dreams sibling of the same name.

We cut to the Threshold of Desire, where Desire themself stands in their gallery and says "attend sweet sibling. It is I, Desire. I stand in my gallery and hold your sigil..."

and who else initially throught they were talking to Dream? Because I think it's intentionally meant to be vague here. Despair uses she/her pronouns, so wouldn't it be clearer for Desire to call her their sister? But the gender neutral term adds to the confusion. Is Desire calling on Dream? Is Desire involved in Dreams reunion with Hob? Does Dream feel desire for Hob and that is why Desire is getting involved? (literally all these thoughts went through my head when I first watched the show and raised my eyebrows thinking maybe they really were going that way with Dream and Hob before finally Desire clarifies by referring to Dream as their brother who escaped his cage. It was a jarring moment.)

In the comic, this scene with Desire and Despair takes place at the very start of the Doll's House book, following Tales in the Sand. It makes sense to add moments like this to the end of each episode to leave a cliffhanger and encourage the audience to keep watching, but this particular cut to Desire has multiple implications. Yes its good to introduce Desire properly and therefore introduce the next arc of the season, but its also SO obvious to cut to Desire right after Dream and Hob's reunion. It's textbook subtext. Queer Coding 101. It's storytelling via clever editing. Six centuries of meetings, six centuries of building a tentative friendship that has included some pretty heated moments and finally upon the modern day reunion we see our main character truly smile whilst relaxed and happy and comfortable for the first time and THEN we cut to Desire. It's perfect. Chef's kiss.

Whilst we don't see Hob again for the rest of the season, the fact is that their reunion was left tantalisingly open ended for fans and audiences to speculate, imagine, and explore via their own works. The creators basically left fans with a delicious writing prompt to sink their teeth into and I 100% believe that was intentional. We will see Hob and Dream meet again in future episodes, and after seeing how well they adapted Men of Good Fortune, I am practically foaming at the bit to find out how they plan to adapt the dream meeting in Season of Mists.

As a conclusion to this behemouth of a meta analysis, I can only repeat what I said back in my introduction - the Men of Good Fortune sequence of episode 6 is a subtextual masterpiece of queer coding. It is writer acknowledged that they intended for it to come across as romantic and tropey. They full expected fans to ship the characters. Whether this means anything in terms of where the show will take Dream and Hob's relationship remains to be seen. The show is already extremely queer, and we've all seen the hilarious homophobic reviews bemoaning the fact that "all the characters are gay! ALL OF THEM!" so at this point I think the creators should just lean fully into it and bring Morpheus himself out of the closet. After all, he's a non human multi-billion year old personification of a concept, why on earth would he only have a preference for human shaped females? How incredibly boring for a creature of dreams!

I've separately talked about how Hob is technically already canonically queer (depending on how you interpret Jim's gender) so it's hardly a stretch for him either. There isn't really anything holding them back. The way their relationship develops in the comics already supports a romantic interpretation, especially the ending. But look, I'm not one of these people that needs to scream about ships "going canon" and I am fully against any harrassment or angry messages being sent to Neil or the creators because people feel that it SHOULD be canon based on the subtext already provided. I have no idea what they are planning with Dream and Hob in future episodes of the show, but wherever they take them, I am fully on board this ship.

Thank you for reading! If you have questions or comments please interact, I thrive on interactions! My ask box is open and I will try to answer any questions within the space of a few days (unless its a meaty meta ask in which case I will take my time and throw my whole meta brain into it).

Link to Dreamling Meta Masterpost and other chapters

[swearyshera]

Ooh, I've got quite a few asks! This is a long one...

Aw, thank you so much! I've always said that I try to turn the subtext into text, but even doing that there's still plenty of subtext!

I come from a place of loving all the characters, so any mocking of them is gentle and light-hearted, but hopefully it has given people a different perspective on a few of them. A big part of the plot I've ended up writing is about loving yourself as you are, and not being ashamed to be true to yourself, and I think Hordak really exemplifies that as someone who very much struggled with that concept in the face of Horde Prime (someone who demands conformity). In that respect, he's very much a character I'm sure some people can relate to. Also I made him a largely incompetent evil emperor because that was just funny, so there's maybe fewer absolutely horrifying things he's done.

One of the advantages of this format is having more time to spend with the characters (I don't have to fit everything into 20 minutes), so that does mean we get more depth to people like Castaspella or the Horde Trio. That's not to criticise the original, there will always have to be side characters and characters who don't get much time, but I get to spend a little more time with them like this.

I'm glad you've come along for the ride, and I hope you enjoy the final week!

He is!

Also this has probably prompted someone to write/draw Entrapdak as Barbie and Ken now...

@tenaciousdecapitator That would have happened if Prime had gone on about how perfect Gateshead is!

@solcaeruleus If I can make people cry, that counts as a victory!

The "I care what she thinks" line had been in my notes for so long - in fact, I think the first time I wrote Entrapta's "We're enough as we are" back in Season 3, I knew this scene would call back to that. It is the full circle of Hordak's character arc, really - he went from trying to be what someone else (Prime) wanted, to someone that he wanted to be. And it's of note that he doesn't entirely reject the 'fuck what anyone else thinks', because he cares what Entrapta thinks - he's taken that and added his own spin to it: You don't have to be anything for anyone, but making someone you care about proud sometimes helps you become who you want to be.

@kirvee ME NEITHER

@gardensofcrystals I'm so glad you could find some catharsis in this!

While I've not specifically written Prime as a particularly religious thing, the image I've had of him as some right-wing, anti-queer, anti-woman person isn't exactly a million miles from some types of Evangelical preachers, and I couldn't completely divorce him from that image because it was intended in the original - he's supposed to be an analogy to that kind of person.

His story is probably familiar to many people, who find something about their identity at odds with what they're told they should be. And that could be about sexuality with homophobic parents, or some aspect of yourself that's considered unacceptable by a religious or societal authority - I'm sure we've all had moments where we've felt we need to hide something about ourselves that we should never have to hide.

But whereas Prime will never be convinced that Hordak is 'good enough', my (admittedly limited) knowledge of religion is that God is kind of a loving guy and was quite hot on not being a judgemental prick to your fellow humans.

[melia-vibes]

Bloodmarked Character Analysis and Opinions: Selwyn Kane

Spoilers ahead!

1. Sel's development from the first novel to now is *chef's kiss*. He is a flawed character who is always willing to admit when he is wrong. His apology and explanation for is actions during LB in chapter 37 were absolutely heart wrenching. I loved it vulnerability and honesty.

2. Selwyn has come a long way from the boy who didn't know how to ask to be Nick's friend or ask Nick to be his. He expresses his feelings for Bree and makes it clear that his priority is her happiness, even if that isn't with him.

3. Sel's relationship with Nicholas is beautiful but so complicated. It is clear they care for each other more than either of them wish to admit, but it is also so hard to move beyond the hurt and betrayal both of them have inflicted on the other. Both of them have abused their bond at some point or another. But they have also been at each other's sides for almost a decade (it's 8 years. Sel was 10 and Nick was 9 when they were oathed.) Sel knows Nick better than anyone else on the planet and vice versa but that type of bond and knowledge breeds resentment and pain, especially with the immense pressure both of them shoulder. The two are inextricably linked. In LB we find out that Sel had a crush on Nick when they were younger and when Bree asks him about it in BM, he says, "I don't think that's in the cards for me... if I allowed myself that wish, it would be something. Wishes are a dangerous game we play with ourselves and the only way to win is not to play." I took this to mean, he will not allow himself to love Nick in that way because he thinks it cannot work out. But before that, he stated that he feels safer and more whole with Nick. I really love the complexity of their relationship and I hope to get more of it in the next book.

4. Let's talk Sel's magic. For a large portion of this book. Sel had Void Cuffs on and could not call aether. Shortly after Bree breaks the cuffs, she is badly injured, and Sel uses his magic to do something unprecedented. He holds Bree together. He holds her organs, nerves, and blood vessels together for 3 hours until William can get to them. William himself says that what he did was incredible and would have killed another Merlin. My question is what gives Selwyn the ability to do that? Why is he special? I think it's because of Bree's root! When he does this he is still under the affects of Bree sharing her root with him. We've seen Bree's root have lasting effects on Alice (mesmer resistance). And we've been told that as demons consume aether they become more powerful. So it makes sense that with root flowing through him he'd be able to do something that should have been impossible. Bree also willingly shared her root with him and I think the reason it didn't cause him to succumb then is just that. Consent. When Bree shares her root, it strengthens Sel. When he takes it in the bloodwalk, it causes him to succumb to his blood. These are just my theories but I'm excited to see if Deonn chooses this route for the story.

5. Sel's mother. We know so little of Natasia Kane but I think she will be a major player in the next book with Sel's humanity on the line. I also think we might find out that Erebus is Selwyn's father. Erebus hinted to a relationship with Natasia and has a soft spot for Sel. Whether that is due to him being his father or if it is because of his relationship with Natasia, I'm not sure but I hope to find out.

I absolutely adore him and I pray he ends up ok

[cordeliawhohung]

@archonsabyss AHHHHH i received your ask and i saw it during work but i wanted to give a proper breakdown of it!!! i'm also doing it here that way i can like, respond to specific paragraphs easier and so it's easier to follow ;laskdjf;asldj

everyone, this is about to be an in depth break down of "As You Wish," a knight!Price x fem!princess!Reader one shot i made for a challenge, so if you haven't read it there's tons of spoilers so beware! anyone interested in a big breakdown of this story, feel free to read but it's a mess because i cannot keep a coherent thought.

anyways.... let's begin

First off, I'm so so so glad someone liked that line about the stars!!! Because like, when I wrote it i was thinking about how we humans will look at this vast expanse of stars and are like "i gotta name these bitches" or we'll force ourselves to group up stars to name them rather than just name them one by one (probably because we would quite literally run out of names....) and i'm just AHH so happy :3

As for Price calling reader princess that was lowkey fan service within itself al;skdfj Like??? Him just saying that in that fucking husky ass voice of his like??? But you are, of course, the princess so what else is he going to call you???

And YES the chin tilt i just mmmm i'm a whore for that, sorry. Slut alert, but the slut is ME.

THANK GOD i was super worried about writing Price because I've only written like half a drabble for him previously a;lskdjf

If I am being honest, I held back on the violence a LOT. Like, I wanted to go into depth about Eilra's death, about everyone being slaughtered, how Price was covered in the gore of it, how the bodies radiated heat you could see the steam from.... you get the point. HOWEVER the whole line of "look at me" and Price trying to protect the princess from seeing the gore? From seeing her friend slaughtered? 100% way better than the angst. I mean it still is angst but you get me.

AND YES "feed you by my own hand, if I must." Like him just being so violently caring? If that makes sense? You're literally the whole reason he even was traveling to Draewen, and he's not going to just let you die because you can't force down food ):

Whenever I wrote that Price smiled, just know I was imagining him smiling like this:

you know like that tired smile??? Tell the man to sleep and he's like, well I guess I don't have a choice and he's just smiling like AGHSD:KJF

Also, I'm SO GLAD THE PACING WAS OKAY. i was like who is gonna read a near 9k word fucking fic in one sitting the pacing has to be GOOD and i was so worried I was going to loose people with it getting boring but AHHH

and YES the constellations!!! I have such an in depth idea about the gods and their meanings and their interactions with this world that i just... obviously couldn't put in because i might as well write a whole ass story at that point lmfao.

also just know everything that price does that is charming is all me, bb ;) (negative rizz) ((totally didn't spend like 2 hours straight of thinking per line of dialogue....)

LMFAO i just imagine you as a genie now lmfao. but lowkey when I write i think about it like a movie. like the way the camera angle is, how the lighting is, the expressions, etc. So i try and catch those small details as best as i can ): like her noticing he's not married (no necklace) him comparing her to the goddess of beauty (not the same thing as comparing her to Aphrodite she's not gonna receive wrath or anything lmfao) and just UGH i love these idiots.

Once again, I wanted to make the action more intense here but I was like, chill, it's a one shot, it'll be fine.

AND YES MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE SERIES: PRICE RIPPING YOUR CLOTHES OFF TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Because this is what you do irl. You fall into a freezing stream, you need to get those clothes off FAST. Especially back in the day. If you ever get caught in a river or something IRL, wearing synthetic clothing (think, like, nylon or something idk) compared to cotton is LIFE SAVING. cotton will hold that cold water and it FUCKING HURTS. wearing something synthetic? dries in an instant (i am speaking from experience i.... don't wanna talk about it LOL)

so he rips the clothes off, tries to dry her, RISKS the fire and smoke of attracting more people just to save her life? Uses his own body heat to try and warm her? rubbing to create friction? refusing to gawk at her naked body? showing her respect the moment he's sure she won't die? I COULD GO ON FOREVER.

YES UGH AND I HAVE HEADCANNONS (or would it just be cannon at this point since... i'm the writer... hmmm) about their love and the way it's literally connected with chaos i have SO SO SO MANY IDEAS THAT BLOOMED AND ugh perhaps one day i will turn this into a full series. it's been rotting my brain all day at work ):

I am a SLUT for the trope of like, someone of higher power asks someone their subordinate to do something, and they're like "is that an order?" "it's a request" LIKE she obviously holds the power. she's a princess. he might be protecting her, but he answers to her!!! and she's being soft and is like, allowing him to make his own decision, to not force her feelings on him (but he def feels them too so). And even in the beginning, refusing to call him by his title, using his name like any other person would, trying to show equality between them and just UGH. if she thought he would do it, she'd tell him not to call her by her title too (but he could never!!!!)

AS FOR THE CRAWLING BIT: 1: yes it was a little fanservice hehe like come ON imagine him like that one fucking tiktok edit of barry sloane in 6 crawling on the floor to his wife or whatever i'm A:LKJSFDL:KFJ

but also, like, he's on his knees already, man is not standing up to walk half a foot and then lay down aa;sdkfj;alksjfd but let a girl dream.

YOU ARE LITERALLY SO ADORABLE I'M KISSING YOU ON YOUR WHOLE FACE RN

i'm just AHHHH not the most confident writer ever and I know i complain about that a lot in my authors notes and whatnot but honestly just having someone shaking me by the shoulders and telling me my work wasn't straight garbage just SLKFJSLKJ

i'm gonna make a legit prison eventually. i'm keeping you all in my little play pen and we're talking about our blorbos

and AHHH AGAIN I LOVE YOUUU thank you so so so much i hope you had a wonderful day and i hope your night is going well and KNIGHT PRICE FOREVER GAHHHHH

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Phantom Boy (4)

When the Doctors Fenton lose their son in a lab accident involving a ghost portal, the distraught parents will do anything to get him back. Even if it means breaking the immutable laws of life and death. But that thing? That’s not their boy.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Chapter 4: Entry of the Gladiators (Read it on AO3)

[Warnings for mind control minor violence]

Slowly, the ghosts started to come out of their hiding places. They collected their things and went back to their hobbies and projects and games. Normally, everyone left Ember's concerts with smiling faces, gushing about her new songs and still high on the excitement and exhilaration of the music she played. But now, they were somber, mournful.

"What are you all doing?" Phantom demanded. "We have to go get her back!"

"There's nothing we can do, child," Technus told him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder which Phantom shoved off with a scowl. "We could follow the train into the human world, but there's no way to break the enthrallment. We would only end up being controlled ourselves."

"Well, we can't just stand around and do nothing!"

"Weren't you listening, Whelp?" Skulker bellowed. "We can't save her! No ghost can." His deep voice quieted. "A human might be able to free her and all the other ghosts from Freakshow's spell. All they'd have to do would be to destroy his staff, but none of them will. We can't. Just... give it up. She can't be saved."

Phantom fixed them both with a defiant glare. "I'm going anyway!" he declared.

"Child, you'll only be captured and made into an act for that horrible man's circus," Technus said. "Don't do that to yourself, Phantom."

"I just got here, became friends with you, got to spend time with all of you," Phantom said. "When you all found me, I had just lost my whole family, and you let me into yours. I don't want to lose anyone else."

"None of us want to," Skulker sneered. "We don't have a choice! You think I don't want to save Ember? I love her! But she wouldn't want us pointlessly sacrificing ourselves trying to do the impossible."

"I'm going anyway," Phantom repeated. An ordinary ghost might not be able to resist Freakshow's control, but he was no ordinary ghost. "I have to try."

He took off into the sky and cut through the ectoplasmic air like a rocket toward the closing portal the train had left the Realms through.

"Foolish whelp!" Skulker shouted after him.

The portal was shrinking rapidly, and Phantom wasn't sure he'd make it through, but he kept going at full speed, squinting his eyes almost closed from the force. He just managed to eke through, the closing gate just barely clipping the end of his spectral tail. He slowed, sighing with relief.

Below him, train tracks stretched forward and back. Not far ahead of him was a train yard, where Freakshow's circus train was slowing to a stop. Turning invisible, Phantom flew toward the train. He tried to phase inside, but for some reason, he couldn't pass through the iron sides of the train-cars. Was it ghost-proofed? Something about the metal? Phantom was beginning to wish he'd paid more attention during his parents' ghost lectures.

The train finally pulled to a complete stop with a hydraulic hiss of the steam engine, which, Phantom noted, was very old fashioned and gothic. Freakshow was nothing if not dedicated to his aesthetic. The doors of several cars slid open, and Freakshow himself stepped out of one and immediately began barking orders to the ghosts that flew out of the others.

Dozens of ghosts started to set up the massive black and red striped tent and the smaller side-show tents. Ember was one of them. All Phantom wanted to do was grab her and shake her out of her stupor, but then he caught sight of the glowing orb atop Freakshow's staff, and he stilled. He watched as a ghost of a tattooed woman with a spiked Mohawk flew over to him and whispered something in his ear.

"Is that so, Lydia?" Freakshow asked. "Well, why don't I greet our unexpected guest? Where is he?"

To Phantom's horror, the tattooed ghost pointed directly at Phantom, and Freakshow turned his sickening grin on him.

"Reveal yourself," he said, and Phantom dropped his invisibility right away. "Where did you come from?"

"I came to try to save Ember," he answered. He couldn't stop himself. He couldn't move.

"How noble," Freakshow mocked, "and yet, how incredibly idiotic! No matter. It seems I've gotten myself two new acts for the price of one. I'm sure I can find a suitable place for you in my show."

Phantom nodded. Despite all the warnings he'd received, he hadn't expected the magic staff to be such a powerful influence on his mind. He felt as if his mind had been attached to a wireless game-controller, and someone else was pressing the buttons. He wondered if the other ghosts were aware like he was, even as they blindly followed Freakshow's commands, or if that was a side-effect of the fact that he wasn't a natural ghost, that he himself was a freak show, an experiment gone horribly wrong.

How stupid he'd been.

Phantom was on a tightrope, draped in black robes to look like the grim reaper, swinging a scythe as an audience of all flavors of goths looked on in amazement. Below him, Ember sat on a piano bench, playing suspenseful music on a calliope with blue flames billowing out of the pipes as she hit certain notes.

He'd thought... hoped... that maybe in just this one instance, being different from the other ghosts might turn out to be an advantage, but instead, he was just as helpless as the rest of them. He should have listened to Skulker and Technus. He should have stayed in the Zone, where it was safe. But he just couldn't imagine kind, free-spirited, anti-authoritarian Ember under the thumb of some sick ringmaster. She didn't deserve that. None of them did.

He had to resist.

Resist.

RESIST!

A broken ring of white light flickered around Phantom's waist, not transforming him back into his human form, but doing something. It gave him a jolt, a mental reset, and he was finally able to shake off the mind control. He swooped down off the tightrope and swung his scythe once more, directly at Freakshow. The ringmaster yelped in alarm and jumped out of the way, but the scythe distracted him long enough for Phantom to try something else.

He flew right at the ringmaster, phasing out of the black robe as a misdirect, so Freakshow didn't know where to look, and flying right into his stomach, knocking him to the ground and sending his staff skidding across the dusty floor.

"What is this?" Freakshow shouted in alarm. "How did you break free? No ghost can break free."

"You've never met a ghost like me before," Phantom said, and phased Freakshow halfway into the ground while he went to pick up the staff.

"No! Ghosts! Get him! Retrieve my staff and bring it to me! Lydia! Get me off this floor!"

Every ghost except the tattooed lady rushed Phantom at once, but the half-ghost was faster. He shot toward the staff and as soon as it was in his hand, he raised it and swung the top end toward the ground as hard as he could.

Scores of ghosts were already on top of him as the orb cracked and shattered on the circus floor. A wave of red mist shot outward, engulfing everything and everyone in the tent, and the ghosts all stopped in their tracks.

"Well... that's not good for me, is it?" was all Freakshow had time to say before they turned their wrath on him.

Phantom couldn't be sure what exactly happened to Freakshow. He got pushed out of the way when the rest of the ghosts swarmed the ringmaster, and lost sight of him. Then, when the ghosts dispersed, Freakshow was gone, not even his top hat or his earring were left of him. But whether they'd obliterated him, or he'd somehow escaped, it seemed like no one was entirely sure.

The crowds of humans ran out of the big top and away from the circus, screaming in terror, until, soon enough, it was just the ghosts, alone on the floor, a few drifting spotlights passing over them and through them.

"How did you do that?" asked a ghost Phantom couldn't recognize. "How did you break free of his control?"

"I don't know, I just... did," he answered lamely. "Maybe the magic wasn't as strong against me because I only recently became a ghost." Yeah, that sounded like a plausible explanation.

"I don't know why that would make a difference, but I suppose that could be it," another ghost said thoughtfully, and he tried not to actually sigh in relief that they'd bought his lie.

But Ember narrowed her eyes at him.

"What was that ring of light about?" she asked.

"What ring of light?" Surely that hadn't exposed him, had it? Did she know that light was part of his ability to switch between human and ghost forms? She couldn't... could she?

"Right before you broke free of his control, there was a ring of light around you," she pressed. "I thought I saw...." Had she figured him out after all? "Nevermind."

If she had, at least she wasn't about to expose him in front of all these ghosts. Whether he freed them or not, if they found out he was half human, human like the man who'd enslaved and exploited them all, like the crowds that came to watch their humiliation and suffering, they probably wouldn't be too happy about it.

"So... how do we get back to the Zone?" Danny asked. "I, uh... I wasn't really thinking about the return trip when I came here."

"The train," answered the strongman ghost. "It can travel through the Realms. We just have to get it going, and get off when the sky turns green."

Luckily, Freakshow used a ghost conductor who knew how to work the train―whom the train had belonged to in the first place before Freakshow co-opted and repainted it for his circus―and soon enough, they were all aboard and headed home to the Zone.

Next Chapter

[moonttaeil]

i've been waiting for you;

▶ Pairing: Jaehyun x reader. 

▶ Word count: 5k.

▶ one shot; very angsty; talks of violence; talks of domestic violence;if you're not comfortable of the idea of Y/N being abused please do not read; it does not have a very happy ending; im sorry; it has both jaehyun and Y/N pov's; (also jaehyun is not the abuser pls dont be scared)

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, still not looking at me. Something inside of me broke, scratched my organs, and made me bleed. Something inside of me cried out, harder than when receiving blows on my ribs. Something inside of me died the moment I heard his empty voice. I kept silent but he did not say anything else. It was an ending sentence, for me, for him, for what he could’ve been. We both knew, but we were both too scared to say it out loud. 

The first time I found myself in front of her the world around me fell. It is blurry, and I hope someday I’m able to make out what my thoughts on that precise moment were, but for now, all I know is her bright red lipstick draws me in like a month to a flame. Oh, what a flame she was. 

Her eyes silently called my way and my feet moved, pulled by the inevitable forces, a magnet she held close to her heart, hidden from the outside world, only felt by my hands that itched to touch her skin, burn themselves while trying to hold her near me, burn myself to ashes while trying to conquer something that was way out of my reach. 

It was a dark night. Not even the stars had shown up for our meeting. Her smile made up for that, although she was not keen to show it to me. Her lips moved; I heard her voice. I was entranced. I was hypnotized. I was immediately obsessed. Was she aware of how her presence affected me? If she was, she did not show a sign of it, not a flinch, not an intimidating glance. 

Somehow her glass was always full. She drank, and the moisture left behind on the edges of her mouth begged me to come closer. The stains on her glass, red, passionate, every second farther from me. I remember I answered her every question, I tried to be gentle, not raising my voice through the loudness of the bar. She seemed to be able to hear my every word, even the whispers that escaped from between my lips without my permission. 

I do remember the first time I saw her—I hoped to one day to forget. 

I always anticipated her entrance, and sometimes I was left only with broken hopes. She appeared and disappeared from time to time, leaving me wanting more, craving her presence. “I’ve been waiting for you” I would mutter out when she spent more than five days without checking by the bar, our place, our seats secretly reserved for ourselves. She would smile at me, slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. 

“Careful with waiting too long,” she would say, “some people become ghosts of the past while holding tightly on a dead idea.” 

I should’ve listened. 

Although we always sat by one another and talked, it had been the fifth time I saw her that I asked her the name that would stick with me for the rest of the years I had left to live. “Y/N,” she said, and I dreamt with her voice repeatedly. She did not ask back, and I felt uncomfortable. I wanted her to know—I needed her to think about it, to put a name on my face, to dream with it. “Jaehyun,” I answered back, trying to remain complete after being broken so many times by her eyes. 

She hummed in response. “I know.” I never asked how. 

Eventually, she decided to let me into her world. We stumbled out of the bar, her arm was wrapped around mine, trying to steady herself while she laughed at something, anything. Her eyes were shining so bright that night, the stars never dared to appear in her presence again. I couldn’t deny what was obvious, her trap for me had worked, excellently. Brilliantly. Her feet couldn’t walk straight, and in the end, I found a way to keep her on her feet without falling, dangling from my side. She never stopped laughing. 

“You drank more than usual tonight,” I commented, with no malice. No second intention. She was happy—disoriented, but happy. I was content to be able to spend time with her. She stopped and looked up at me, the remains of her happiness still written all over her forehead, cheeks, and chin. It was a second later, she sat on the curb, her knees finding their way to her chest. 

“Sometimes I feel like…” her voice trailed off, her eyes getting lost somewhere in the dark, in front of her, “like I have a lot of important things to say,” she muttered. I stood beside her, still on my feet, uncomfortable, trying to understand her mind. I realized I was still very far from the world inside of her body. “I know I have important things to say,” she repeated, but she was not talking to me, directly. “I simply…” a sigh, “don’t know what they are, yet.”

“It is hard to translate feelings into words.”

I sat beside her, in silence. My back hurt due to the position; she forced a smile back at me. 

“It’s not feelings,” she said, “a long time ago I had those, you know?” her question was not meant to be answered. Not by me. I listened. “Long time ago, when my body was not bruised, when my life was not threatened—when I was actually obsessed with living, with waking up, I was that girl.” 

In my eyes, she was still that girl. 

She kept quiet, reminiscing about the past. Her memories. 

“What happened to her?” I asked. I thought about it for a moment—if she ever was more, more, more than what she was now than what I only knew of her, my heart would not have been able to take it. Her eyes darted to me before moving slowly to look down.

“She…”

No words were needed for her to explain. She was dead, her old self, the young girl that wanted to eat the whole world before it eats her. She was dead, buried under the new Y/N that had risen to protect the corpse, the soul, the passion. “I just wish I could stop missing the old version of me,” she whispered before standing up. 

That night she left alone. I could’ve jumped right after her, I could’ve followed, and may be accompanied her back home. Everyone knew the streets were not safe at night, with dark alleys, and hungry eyes. I could’ve offered a helping hand. A conversation back home. But I did not. Instead, I stayed where I had been sitting by her side. Her presence lingered behind me, even when my eyes followed every step of her body leaving me behind. 

She did not come back for two weeks. 

When I saw her again, there was no trace left of the sour conversation we have had the last time. Instead, she smiled, sat by me, and told me what a stressful day she had had. I listened to her, being back next to her lifting my spiring at last. As usual, I said, “I’ve been waiting for you,” she hummed. “Wouldn’t it be nice if I waited for you too?” she had asked. 

I knew that was not possible. She was not obsessed – not anymore, -- with herself, as I was. It was a dangerous thought and feeling. I was playing with fire every time I saw her enter the bar. I was burning my fingers every time I let her smile at me. I was consuming my soul every time we left together, and let her go alone, leaving me behind. I was aware I would end up cremated, somehow, because of her. 

“Can I take you out to dinner?” I once asked. We were outside the bar. It was late, as usual. Her eyes looked up at me, surprised. I had been gathering the courage to ask her that question for the last four months, ever since the first time, I saw her. That night she wore a leather jacket, bruises hidden from anyone near her. I knew her answer. 

“You know I can’t,” and I knew she couldn’t. She had never explicitly said it out loud, it would damage the little bubble we have both threaded with caution, not overstepping the limits we have imposed for one another. I sighed, defeated one more time. It hurt to know that I’d always be at an arm-length distance from her, inevitably. She sensed the discouragement. She knew she was walking on a thin line; she was scared, and she was scatred. She could lose me the same I could lose her. 

I couldn’t be sure who would be losing more. 

“I want…” she whispered. 

“I know.”

It was a difficult situation for her to be carrying on her shoulders. I knew I was obsessed. She knew I was obsessed. I knew there was someone else in her life. She suffered their presence in her life. I knew I wanted to be with her, to let my fingers meet her body, to kiss her and let her fall asleep on top of my chest. She knew it would be a suicidal attempt to run away with me. “What do you say?” I rushed out, “when you go home late when you arrive drunk, what do you say?” 

She contemplated if she should answer or not. Her hands were now secured inside the pockets of her coat. Winter was coming, and we both knew it wouldn’t be long before we had to stop meeting in that bar, due to weather, and maybe other circumstances. “Sometimes I get away with it,” she simply answers, a smile trying to catch my attention while she spoke. “Sometimes I don’t.”

Although the questions were slowly rising inside my throat, and the feeling of rage crept behind my back, I kept my mouth closed shut. I knew—she knew I knew. She wasn’t hiding it, but she wasn’t giving me any details either. Her position was harder than mine, her chances to lose, her chances to win. 

“Jaehyun,” and the sound of her voice interpreting my name, it held me captive, and it would hold me captive forever, I knew. Jaehyun. Slowly, her fingers found their way to mine. It was a shy movement, she was breaking our secret agreement, she was trespassing the limits, the boards that held our worlds separated. “I think of you when I’m sad.”

It was a hard feeling to swallow. 

“How often?”

“Every night.”

I nodded. I held her hand tightly, I pulled her in. She let herself be pulled. Her feet took a step closer to my body. She did not look up at me. 

“I cannot ask you to come with me.”

“No, you can’t,” she whispered. 

“I cannot ask you to run away with me.”

“No, you can’t,” her eyes closed softly. 

“Where can I find you, if not here?”

She stayed silent. 

It had been three nights since I last saw Jaehyun. Every time I met him, I took a step closer to an inevitable ending for me, myself, my body, and my soul. I was aware—but what else could I do? He gave me the slightest hope. When he looked at me, he did not simply look at me. He saw me. He saw past and through me. I felt his eyes rummage through all my memories, which all belonged to me, only to me. But he still entered, he still tried to pick up the broken chaos inside me. He did that, unconsciously. 

I felt alive under his gaze. I felt awake when he listened to me. I felt mortal every time I took a step away from him, leaving his body standing still behind me, looking at me. I always fought back my emotions when that moment came around. Don’t look back, keep walking. Don’t look back, keep walking. Don’t—

And I did. I always left, and never asked him to follow. 

Then, I was alone. The sound of my steps was the only thing accompanying me, along with my cracking fingers. Walking out of the bubble, the thin edges, the comfort. Walking out of the light. Walking out of the passion—out of Jaehyun. But I knew better than to stop. 

I always tried to come up with an excuse, even if it wouldn’t work. Too much work? A night out with friends? Simple walk that took me out of reality. That last one I hoped to come one day true. The lights of the apartment building were almost all out. A cat crossed by me, hurriedly. The beeping sound of the numbers being typed in the little monitor, the display shining light blue. A deep breath after another. Jaehyun. My mind screamed his name. Jaehyun. Jaehyun. Jaehyun. 

Almost at my door—our door, what used to be our door, what used to hold so much meaning, now reduced to simple iron in front of me. The key was inside the lock. The lights are out, and then I know it’s imminent. 

I could’ve asked for help. But who was I to drag anyone, innocent, inside the hell that was built only for myself? Who was I to doom anyone else besides myself? The same questions repeat after I am inside. Where have you been, why do you come so late? Empty streets are not a suitable place for you—but if you've turned yourself into a whore, then I guess they are. I keep my mouth shut. 

He's in the dark. But I can make out the figure of his slouched body on the couch. He is not looking at me. I smell him. The booze. The weed. I turn around to avoid discussion, praying this night I’d be able to get away with it. When my body finally sides my room – our room, where we used to daydream about one day having a family, now reduced to an empty cage – my back is on the door. I hope he does not follow tonight—not tonight. 

Jaehyun. Jaehyun. 

It had been a lie. I had lied to him. I did not only think of him when I was sad. His name popped into my mind whenever I crossed the threshold of this house. 

Knocks on the door. My mind goes blank. I did not hear his steps. He wasn’t drunk. No, not tonight. He was sober, he had power. I wouldn’t get away with it tonight, I say to myself, I communicate silently to Jaehyun. I’m sorry I keep you waiting, I’m sorry I don’t appear, but the bruises will be too noticeable for me to face you like that. 

I turn around and open the door.   

I don’t go back to the bar for the rest of the week either. I know she won’t be there; Y/N won’t appear. That’s why I always pass by the glossy doors, a quick glance inside before turning my attention to the crowded street in front of me. If I were to be asked how I knew—I wouldn’t be able to explain. 

It was cruel. I knew it was cruel to let her go each night we spent a few hours together, I knew it was miserable of me to not run behind her and catch her and keep her safe, but who was I to even consider if she was not safe enough?  Maybe I was just a coward whenever it came to the moment to move and act. That’s why I stood still every time she turned around to leave, just watching her, trying to remember every step she takes in the other direction until her figure is completely lost in the shadows of the night. 

I knew it was cruel, but I couldn’t make myself overstep the boundaries she had imposed on me. 

That Friday I entered my house without going to the bar either. I was met with loneliness. I had created for myself a safe place where I couldn’t be harmed, I have created that space for me, only for me, my nostalgia imprinting every corner of the residence. 

I turned the lights on. I took off my shoes. I sat down on the couch. I could hear the neighbor kids laughing through the paper-thin walls. I could smell the dinner that was being made at the restaurant in front of our building. I could keep count of every car passing by my window. I was not focused. I was thinking of her. I was missing her. I was envisioning her in front of me, next to me, on top of me. 

I had to close my eyes. Y/N. The name, the smell, the laugh, the touch. 

I was losing myself to the delirium of not having her right there—right then. I needed her, I was poisoned by her, and I was addicted to her. Jaehyun, I could almost hear her say my name next to my ear. I opened my eyes, shocked. A thin layer of sweat had formed on my forehead, and neck, and nape. She was there—almost there. She would never be there. 

I couldn’t stand there any longer. 

I went back to the bar. 

It was Friday night and Y/N did not appear. 

When I met Jaeyhun again, it was too late. I had taken the decision to flee from that life, away from the darkness that had engulfed me. He was sitting on his – our – usual spot, his back now to the entrance. It confused me because he would always be the one looking ahead to the entrance, waiting for me. 

Three weeks had passed since the last time I saw him. Apart from me being too bruised to walk, I was not mentally ready to face him and lie to him. Lie. Lie. Lie. My heart nearly jumped out of my throat when I saw him, the outline of his neck, his wide shoulders. The darkness of his hair, cut perfectly but styled messily. I stopped. 

I felt like meeting him for the first time. I felt scared all over again. I felt nervous. I felt nauseous. Jaehyun. His name threatened to escape from my mouth in a form of a sigh. Even when I knew he shouldn’t, even when I had pushed him away from meeting so many times, disappeared, re-appeared, lied. It felt like the first time meeting him, although there was a big difference now. 

I made my way toward the table. He did not hear my steps. My hand slowly found its way to his shoulder, and I could feel him tense under my touch. The few times our skin has touched, I have always received the same reaction. His eyes darted down to his glass of wine; he did not look up. I knew why—I felt ashamed. For him, I had spent two hours in front of my mirror trying to conceal any leftover trace of the jealousy that had conquered my home years ago. For him I had painted my lips red; for him, I had practiced my smile and my words; for him, I had cried all my tears before taking a step outside of the house. 

I sat down, he did not look up. My heart skipped a beat. I knew it was too late. 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, still not looking at me. Something inside of me broke, scratched my organs, and made me bleed. Something inside of me cried out, harder than when receiving blows on my ribs. Something inside of me died the moment I heard his empty voice. I kept silent but he did not say anything else. It was an ending sentence, for me, for him, for what he could’ve been. We both knew, but we were both too scared to say it out loud. 

“Once I told you I had important things to say,” I said quietly, he nodded in response, “and I know what they are now, although it might be too late.” His breathing was not even, and he was nervous. Another sip. The glass was suddenly empty. He didn’t wait for me to continue before turning around and raising his hand to the waiter, two fingers up, two more glasses coming our way. I was silent until our order came. He drank, and finally, he looked up at me.

“I am sorry I wasted so much time waiting for you,” he spoke quietly, “when I should’ve been looking out for you.”

“That would’ve been the worst situation.”

He took another sip. He hated himself—I hated myself even more, for making him see me like this, how I really am, what I really am. The misery I’ve felt for the last four years crept onto my neck, my hair, my head. 

“I’ve been trapped—I am, still,” I said. He nodded in response. “Trapped in my own life, and even if I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to reach you, let you take me away with you.” He nodded again. His head hung low. “I am ashamed of myself, Jaehyun.” 

It wasn’t explicit. He didn’t need explicit. I had left one bruise on my forearm without concealing it. I have left it for him to see, the surface of the situation. “You shouldn’t.” He said back. I knew—but I couldn’t afford to not be ashamed, not now that I am what I have always feared. 

“Wherever I looked, I always saw you. On each surface, on each ad. Women passed by me on the street and my brain tricked me every time into believing it was you.” He held his breath and so did I. 

I wanted to apologize again. Bring me down to my knees, bow my head low for him.

“It’s not your fault.”

His words took me out of my imagination. Reality shocked me to the core. It’s not your fault. His words repeated over and over again inside my brain, burning deep down, burning into ashes. But it is, I wanted to scream. It is. It is. His eyes never left mine. My mouth never opened. Not a single sound. “It’s not your fault, Y/N.” He spoke. 

“You don’t know—”

“I don’t need to.”

I finished the alcohol in my glass. He didn’t know. He shouldn’t know. He was good—Jaehyun was not him. Jaehyun was not mad, he was never mad. Jaehyun would understand if she left. Jaeyhun always understood when she disappeared. “I’ve come here tonight to…” I repeated the sentence I had running inside my mind for the past three weeks, “to say goodbye.”

He was silent and suddenly the noise that filled the bar that we were so used to being in vanished. It was him and me. Me and him. His eyes were on my lips. My tears were in his hands. He was there, finally—I have wished for him for years. I have dreamt with him, for him. I have fought for him, because of him. I have made stupid things; I have dug my own grave. 

“You don't want to.”

He was hurt when he said that. His voice broke. I broke.

“You haven’t even kissed me yet, and you want to say goodbye?” he laughed, out of sadness. I couldn’t bare to look at him anymore. Because he was right, I didn’t want to—but I didn’t want to live scared, scarred, for the rest of my life either. I didn’t want to bring him down with me, down the spiral of self-destruction I have created. I didn’t want to snatch away from him the years he had left to find happiness for himself. 

I have burnt all the bullets. He has the gun still loaded. 

Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t be on the same page. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No—you’re not,” he whispered. He was not mad. He spoke his mind. His words were harsh. But still, there wasn’t a hint of him being mad. 

Jaehyun. Jaehyun. Jaehyun. Jaehyun. 

Mind screamed for my hands to reach out to him. Let him hold me. Let him take all the pain away. Please, Jaehyun. 

“I am,” I said back. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize… at least to me. But…” he stopped. “If there is someone you ought to apologize to, is yourself.”

I stopped breathing. The tears burnt inside my eyes. I had to close them, cage them. But the more I insisted, the more they burnt, the fire spreading down my throat and reaching my lungs, imprisoning the air. It was hard to breathe. 

“Y/N,” he was demanding, he was begging. “Y/N.” It hurt, listening to my own name slip was his lips. “Where is that girl you talked about? The one obsessed with life—with the passion that came with being alive?” he questioned me, it hurt. “Where is that girl that you talked about? Find her, Y/N.” His words stabbed me. It was impossible—

“Find her, Y/N, before you let yourself die,” and with each word, his knuckles turned whiter, his fist on top of the table, “before you apologize to me from your grave, for leaving me, again. Find her.”

I wanted to speak back. I wanted to tell him that she was no longer here. I wanted to—I couldn’t. Jaehyun. His eyes burnt holes in my face, I felt as if I was disintegrating. I knew I loved him—Jaehyun. I knew before I came tonight, that it was too late to love him. He, as well, had gathered hate. 

“Jaehyun.”

And a tear slipped down his cheek as well. It glistened under the dim lights of the bar. We were still surrounded by people, but it was us. Only us. Only our memories together, only the minutes we have shared, only the seconds we have left.

That was the last time I saw her before years rushed by trying to bury her face in the depths of my memory. She was right, she came to say goodbye. She left. She disappeared. She did not come back, not to me at least. 

How many years have passed since I burned my last shot with her? Maybe ten, maybe fifteen. Every day I went to the bar. Every day I sat and waited, lonely, surrounded by my nostalgia, silently crying while drowning in many, many, glasses filled to the rim with the disgusting liquor that somehow managed to blur her face from my memory.

Although it hurt to lose her completely, I managed to stand up again. I picked up the pieces, held them together, and I glued them to one another even if they didn’t fit. I refused to be held to my knees for her — for the girl whom I have never really met, for her ghost. I left the bar one day and I didn’t come back. I turned my back to the place, to her, to our memories, and to myself. I moved. I disappeared. I followed her steps, never knowing where the road led. I tried to not rot, I tried to make myself a great man. I survived, without her, without the part of me that she held forever. 

And I did. It consumed me, just as I have predetermined she would do even before meeting her for the last time. Because I knew— there was no one else to blame but myself. That last time I saw her I held her in my arm, and let myself indulge in that little moment we had created for ourselves, the last moment we would share together. I remember her scent. I remember her hands holding tight to my arms, her fingers trembling. She did not want to let me go, and yet she did. She did not want to draw me to her madness, and yet she did. She did not want to hurt me, and yet, she killed a part of me that would never revive. 

And, although all that happened, I managed to get up from my knees. 

I couldn’t hold myself hostage in the past while grasping onto the thin threat that held the idea of her coming back to me. 

I also let her go. 

The years have passed and I sigh as I make my way to the kindergarten where my children await for me to pick them up. I walk slowly, thinking about all the tasks we have for today. I think about my wife, such a lovely girl, such a respectful woman, and such a responsible mother. I think about her, and my heart aches. Because I love her— I do love her. But I am not obsessed with her, with her existence, her passion. She has never had her lips painted deep red. She has never had me waiting for her, she was always early. She never kept her mysteries to herself, she shared her life with me. 

I loved her and yet— I don’t.

I pass by a bookshop. The path I take every afternoon is the same. I’ve been to that bookshop many times before. I’ve shopped there, and I’ve spent evenings with my kids looking for the right book for nighttime. And yet I stop, my feet suddenly forget how to move. Because she was there— her face was there. Her eyes were there. Her red lips were on the cover. It was both improbable and impossible. I had given up on the idea to see her again years ago. She looked at me, right at me. Her picture draws me in. I stepped inside the bookshop. 

Without giving it a second thought I pick up the books. 

It’s not your fault, it’s the title. She’s holding onto a glass of wine, and I recognize the surroundings of the photo. The dim lights and the chairs were where they used to spend every night when they saw each other. She was in their reserved seats. The entrance was behind her. It felt like I have been the one taking the photo. 

Years have passed, and they left a mark behind. She had wrinkles, she was thinner, and her cheekbones were way prominent now. Her bare shoulders showed in the photo, and more than one scar was recognizable. Time was not kind to everyone but to her— time did not exist. She glowed, she still had the magnet that pulled me in. I held the book and my mind drifted back in time to when I would wait for her, for hours, for days, and for weeks. 

“Jaehyun?” The voice of the lady who works there takes me out of the trance, the little bubble that appeared again after so many years of living like a mortal. I turn to look at her, stunned, pale probably. She smiles and nods towards the stack of books with her face on them. With Y/N smiling at me. “It’s the new best-seller, a biography by a survivor of domestic violence,” she explains, “but I don’t think Mariko will like that kind of book.” She’s talking about my wife. She believes I want to buy that book for my wife. Oh, how naïve she actually was. 

“Thank you,” I mumble and turn around to look at the book between my hands again. 

Slowly I open the first page. 

I’ve been waiting for you, J. I want you to know that it is not your fault I left.

[akai-hito]

"Hey!! Don't force yourself"

No matter how much he wanted it, it just didn't matter in front of Ayane's anguish, even though she was the one taking the command as she was more experienced than he was. He took her hands as it was on his crotch as he sit down. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"We don't have to do this."

"But you really wanted it right?"

"...I..."

"I heard you talking about it."

"..."

At this moment Osomatsu hated himself. His nonchalance for talking about his sexual envies was new to nobody who knew him and he still talked like he used to to everyone.

There's just this disconnect with his permanent horniness and his girlfriend Ayane.

He just didn't see her that way. And somewhere it make him understand something : that his guilt for seeing sex this way... Was already an indication of how bad it was.

He just didn't care until now to stop

"... I'm sorry. It's me who were in the wrong. I... I kind of get now why... Girls are like this..."

To be perceived like this all the time... It must be terrible. And he does know because he saw Ayane like that. He saved her from one of these situations

So how could be keep thinking and talking like that.

What an idiot

What a piece of shit.

But it wasn't about him.

"Listen Aya-chan. You don't have to force yourself for me. I am stupid. I am sorry I'm just a perverted loser who never try hard enough. And you have totally the right to get mad at me! Because at the end you're right to be. I wasn't thinking about you when I said... Whatever terrible thing I've said... I guess it's just like this when you spend your time touching yourself and fantasizing-"

Ayane gently put her hand on his cheek.

Osomatsu was a mess of a boyfriend. She slowly realized it before to be with him and despite that she didn't want to dump him. Out of love. She had boyfriend before and these relationship were nice but she felt a real tenderness for him.

And she realized that... It kind of made her act out of character for her. Because somewhere she also loved to BE loved as much as Osomatsu loved her. Somewhere in love, we love how the other love us.

She couldn't tell him that as she realized. She held him and Oso held her back. She asked :

"can we just cuddle?"

"Of course. I am good at bearhug right?"

Oso was always gentle to her. He was precious to her.

And it seemed that he was changing. She never expected him to because he wasn't acting out of the way to her but what he said made her think that maybe he is slowly realizing what women can go through.

They end up on the bed, Osomatsu doing the big spoon. Osomatsu continued :

"I am sorry for still being a bad boyfriend."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true! ... Thank you for trying."

"I don't have to try. And I also do bad things, you just excuse it everytime."

"... I do get mad though."

"and you never apologize without me forcing you to!"

"see! I'm a bad boyfriend"

"You're just petty. It doesn't mean we have to stop to be together for some issues. Not when you think about my comfort even when you're finally about to graduate from being a virgin"

The way she said it really shown him that she overheard him.

And yet. She was still here.

"I don't want us to expect too much of each other and ourselves and break up. We are just human."

"you're so mature. It's a bit scary sometime."

"huh?"

"Yeah. Like you're an adult since forever."

"..."

"you're right... I don't want that either. Hehe. I think your maturity fell off on me."

Ayane kissed his cheek and as always when she does that it make Oso smile brighter.

"Osomatsu. We will figure it out ok?"

"What will we figure out?" He asked kind of confused

"Well. That. Being an adult."

"Ugh can we go back in time?" He said a bit disgusted by the idea

"Sorry I don't have a Dolorean."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"Hey you know what. I know what else we can do naked. A bubble bath!"

They didn't talk about it later. But it let them both pensive.

How immature Oso felt. How too mature she felt.

But there were reassurance that none of them wanted this relationship to end.

That they will both keep trying.

[lucilleandherrobots]

Okay. I wrote this as a response to an earlier post by @jasmineofthecommonwealth, but I really want it to be seen by others. Not that people can't just read the notes on there, but I really wanted to see what people think which means I'm making my own post about it. 

Fun fact- I don't think Nick can technically die unless they damage whatever runs his personality and stores his memories. So even if he were theoretically uploaded or put into a Securitron, Assaultron, or Sentry bot, or another Synth, in some way he'd still be Nick and he'd still be very VERY much alive so long as his memories and personality subroutines stayed intact. 

In fact if his entire drive could be cloned you'd have a way of making multiple Nick Valentines. Don't think it would end well. They might start trying to fight each other in a self destructive fit of existential crisis and confusion. Then there's that whole theory of if a person's memories and personality were cloned, would their consciousness ALSO transfer into the clone body or stay in the original and all that. 

Which leads me into another theory of how deadly the mind scan was and whether or not the original Nick's consciousness won the proverbial coin toss after all. 

In a way we do have to ask ourselves here- what exactly IS Nick?  What part of him makes Nick... ALIVE?! And in the same vein we could apply what makes a human alive, kind of- once that part of your brain that holds all of your memories goes, you kind of stop... Living. You are EFFECTIVELY brain dead, meaning that even though everything else is still working like normal to some degree,  you, or at least the part that makes you "YOU" is dead. You are lost at that juncture. 

But Nick is a computer. If you rigged it right you could transfer EVERYTHING to a NEW synth body so long as it's compatible.  Therefore he cannot actually die if his entire personality remains intact in long run. 

Of course, there's the whole issue of the coin toss- the transfer of consciousness to the new body vs the old. Usually in most scenarios this whole situation plays out, there's a 50/50 chance the original wins out and transfers over to the new body. Whichever body the consciousness of the individual doesn't choose kind of exists as a separate entity from the one that retains- it's kind of shown as a sudden shift of perspective if it's transferred at all. 

At what point here could original Nick (the synth) be considered dead if a copy of him is killed?  Is the consciousness of him a signifier of Valentine's life? His very soul even? Does the copy count as a new life if he develops some form of sentience and consciousness of his own?  Do I even understand what I'm talking about? 

And if it does count as the original Nick (the synth) being "Alive," what does that say about the cop who lived back before the war? Is he "Alive" then, too? Did he lose the coin toss? Or perhaps, he won it and now has convinced himself he's a copy of a long dead detective from before the war.

I often wonder if Nick the cop survived the CIT scan at all. I wonder if he lived his own life after the procedure- miserable and grief stricken. Or worse, beyond the reaches of the current Nick's memories, did something... that's best left forgotten. Or did the scan fry his brain in the process, making it mout whether or not he won the bloody coin toss or not. Who knows? 

Tldr: As long as the original copy of Nick's personality and memories persists to exist, even turned off/damaged and unresponsive, Nick cannot actually die.

[endlesscrimson89]

FFXIV Write2023, Prompt 8: Shed.

[This time, different of my universes]

22nd October

I always loved cats, I admit. There's just something in their graceful shape that caught my attention. I prefer their independent nature as opposed to dogs. Not that I don't like dogs, mind you, I'm just definitely a cat person. 

Growing up, my brother and I weren't allowed to have pets. I mean, I think if we would want like a fish or a turtle, our parents would be fine with it - but as with many things, we both wanted a cat - and if we couldn't have it, we resigned ourselves to the 'no pets' policy. Only once a week, as long as I can remember, we would bother the staff at the small shelter in our town, later - as we were older - helping in it as volunteers throughout the summers and holiday breaks. 

(Before my life changed so drastically, I started to consider that after finishing high school, I might be tempted to pursue a further education in veterinary].

All of that, honestly, was caused by the fact that our mom is severely allergic to cat fur. Or to the fur in general, I suppose. Thankfully, we didn't inherit that from her (and all things considered, wouldn't that be awkward? xD), but for her sake, before coming home from the shelter, we would change clothes and wash there to not bring any fur on us and spike her allergies. 

Of course, back then, we had no clue that due to the inheritance on our dad's side, we're part Miqo’te... and, ignoring everything else, it's been a tad awkward for our family. 

Because Miqo’te shed... like: a lot. 

The topic came up one day while we were still extremely new to the whole idea of being an Allag. A day or two into our stay at the lair of shapeshifters, when we were chilling with Damon - alongside our respective boyfriends - in one of the guest nooks as the neutral ground, my twin jumped out with a question about their nest to Ares. I didn't even consider it to be in any way weird that ours as well, mostly consisted of furs until, with the usual curiosity, Damon asked his lover about the fact that the furs creating their nest are the exact same shade as our Alpha's ink-black fur. 

Ours, too, mind you, matches Senri’s perfectly, but I assumed that he simply created it - as anything else in our nook. Logical, yes? 

Well, I've been wrong. 

Overall, the whole thing led to us learning something new about what to expect from our new biology! 

It's autumn now, obviously, so we have some time to prepare ourselves - mentally, I guess - for the fact that, as Ares said with a careless shrug, around the time between spring and summer, they - Miqo’te - are shedding fur in fucking handfuls. 

I mean, considering our experience with normal cats, I guess that's not that surprising, right? Or at least, shouldn't be, but while I'm still getting used to the idea of not being exactly human... I admit it sounded a bit surreal. I know cats shed fur in preparation for the hotter temperatures, right? In relative to cats, for my brain, it's perfectly normal... I just have an issue translating that into thinking about myself, that's all. 

As we learned that day, there's actually a whole set of nooks deeper inside the lair dedicated to turning the heaps of fur achieved by that whole process into the pelts later used by the furs' owners for their nests. Senri, with his usual adorable cheer, announced that he couldn’t wait for the next year to add a crimson pelt to our nest... and I admit, my brain balked at the idea. I'm glad we have enough time to get used to it... But yeah, I can't help the fact that it sounds absurd to me. Damon simply nodded like it was something he already suspected, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case...

...but that made me wonder, what will we do about our parents? 

I mean, so far, we have been staying in contact with them via phone, calling them every day to reassure them that we're doing fine. We know that Ares designed two Seekers for watching our dad from a safe distance after he - though quite baffled by it, as he admitted - found that their fur aggravated our mom's allergy. For that reason, apparently, while watching them, the guards were taking a 'furless' shape, which I suppose is very considerate from their side. 

And I guess that's what we'll have to do whenever we think about visiting them, right? 

At some level, it amuses me to no end, I admit. You know... my mother is allergic to me now, and somehow, it feels like another day, I suppose. 

My life is weird, only getting weirder as time goes on, and by this point, I guess that's just another thing to get used to. 🙃 

[instruth]

A RABBIT FABLE

Old Wise Rabbit, What’s a miracle?

Who told you that, Little Rabbit?

Eh … Nobody. It’s something I overheard.

The humans again?

Wise Old Rabbit, What’s wrong with the humans?

It’s a long story, Little Rabbit.

Tell me … tell me … please?

Well, the human being has instinct

What’s instinct?

It’s something innate in each of them. They are born with it

Innate? What’s that, Wise Old Rabbit?

Something natural in them - a capacity in them that makes them superior to other creatures, like us.

Oh? Superior to us?

Yes, Little Rabbit.

But how? Why?

Because, as I had told you before, the human has a lot of fear. So they chose and trained a warrior, a kind of a champion, that will protect and defend them, and fight for them.

Since when, Wise Old Rabbit ?

From times memorial, Little Rabbit. They have an invincible champion, who will fight to defend their king and country.

An invincible champion?

Yes, Little Rabbit. But later, someone divine came from above to save them.

Huh? Someone divine?

That’s right, Little Rabbit. And he even died for them. However, he rose again and began to live only in their hearts.

What are you telling me?

Little Rabbit, you see, the need for a warrior, unknowingly, became a need for a Savior.

Why a savior when they already had a warrior?

Well, because a Savior would serve them in their every need. In the beginning it was only to fight and win a war for the humans.

And then? said Little Rabbit.

The savior became overworked, and said, enough is enough. I will no longer do for you what you can do for yourselves.

How did the humans react to that, Wise Old Rabbit?

The humans said, We want you to win the wars. And the savior replied, Is that all you can think about? Winning a war? Then you can fight your own war. If you can start a war, surely can also end it.

Wise Old Rabbit, why is the savior so angry?

Because, the humans are lazy and selfish, and they think only for themselves.

So what else did the savior say, Old Rabbit?

He said, From now on, I will not do for you what you can do yourself. The human asked, What if it is something we cannot do by ourselves? The savior smiled, and said, Then I will help you. I will give you a miracle.

What if the miracle doesn’t work? The humans asked.

Then I shall give you the greatest miracle, said the savior.

Wise Old Rabbit What is the greatest miracle?

Faith, Little Rabbit.

Will faith help? Wise Old Rabbit.

Well, Little Rabbit, the savior said, If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can tell these mountains to move, and they will move.

So, what did the humans do, Wise Old Rabbit? Tell the mountains to move?

No, the humans planted mustard seeds. And the seeds grew to became the biggest tree, and the birds came to rest on the branches. The humans rested under the shade of the trees. And they waited for faith to come. But instead, the birds rained their droppings on them.

What did the humans do? Old Rabbit?

They cursed the gods. And they are still waiting for the promised miracle. Faith.

©Johnny J P Lee

01 January 2023

Photo: Unsplash Images

[corvuserpens]

Okay so I’m on my official binge rewatch and here’s my episode 03 thoughts I wanted to put down before:

I loved Dream Boi’s small bout of character development, here. There are many things I learned about his personality that endeared him to me and cemented him in my heart among one of my most favorite characters of all time.

An interesting detail I noticed upon rewatch is that, as Dream is looking for his sand, chasing Constantine around London, once he finds her, he decides, against all his recent experience of humanity, to offer her something in return for the sand. This is really important! Think about it: Constantine didn’t ask for a reward for helping, Morpheus deliberately offers to make her nightmares go away. And she had already agreed to help (the short back-and-forth they had before she disappears, remember? “Fine, I’ll help.” “Good.” --First thing in the morning.” “No.” “And I work alone.” “No.”) so he really had no need to do that.

This shows two things in paralel. One: it’s arguably the first sign of change growing within him; and two: the full weigth of his mastery in being petty and proud (affectionate). He refused Burgess’ demands or to even talk to him through all his captivity, but offered to relieve Johanna of the phantoms of her past in exchange for her aid. I think it might have something to do with the nature of the nightmare itself. He saw it before making his offer, and he knows the context for it, therefore he knows that Constantine carries this burden of guilt, inaptitude and deep seethed terror for what happens to people who get too close. The logical conclusion then, for any rational minded person (and we know how rigidly rational Dream can be) is that Johanna is a good person who is doing her best to keep her loved ones safe. He knows almost from the get-go that Constantine is NOTHING like Roderick Burgess, as he later tells her at the end of the episode, so he deems her worthy of some compassion.

Of course, that almost gets fucked over later, when he grabs the sand from Rachel’s hand (poor Johanna, can this woman catch a fucking break?) and prepares to simply walk away, but it makes sense. He doesn’t know Rachel. He might recognize that Constantine is worth helping, but has no assurances about her ex. Why should he help? I often hear that people who have gone through trauma (me, I’m traumatized) tend to become a bit of an asshole before healing. It’s one of the things I loved about this show, that they didn’t downplay or erase Morpheus’ trauma. He changes the subject when the conversation becomes too unbearable, he shuts people out, he refuses a new raven after losing Jessamy, he thinks he has to do everything alone, etc. Right now, he’s on a path to recover his tools, or as someone else already pointed out, metaphorically put himself back together, move on and forget what happened to him, and it’s natural that he becomes so hyper focused on that, that he’ll ignore everyone else’s pain. One gets so desperate to bury the past and all the atrocities commited against us, we are easily predisposed to bury everyone else around us along with it, as if that sacrifice will miraculously return what we lost: ourselves. Morpheus was falling into that trap. He wants his tools back to rebuild his realm and himself, but along the way he’s forgetting his purpose. What is the point of you? Constantine asks. You want your sand to save mankind, well here she is! But you don’t care about us. All you care about is your sand, your power. So why are you still here if you’re not gonna help?

Fortunately, he had someone there at the ready to call him out and bring him to his senses.This would be further explored in episode 06, but in this little moment, he remembers, albeit briefly, why Dream exists in the first place. So he agrees to give Rachel one last gift: a pleasant dream of a life with Johanna, and she passes on in peace. It was very touching. All around, a great episode.

[stylinsoncity]

Hey! Long time reader, first time... ask sender? I read caya more than a year ago and ever since it's been a constant presence in my life, as if in I think about it at least once a day, and re-read it at random, all the time. I'm usually pretty aromantic and caya is the only work of romance fiction that I liked, ever. One of the reasons why I'm so obsessed with it is that I love the story and I love the characters, but I also don't fully understand it, it's, at this point in my life, too mature for me to fully comprehend. So it's one of these things you keep close hoping that one day you'll get it. I'm 19, so not a lot of experience in life and none in the romance department, and in that idealistic everything is black/white right/wrong phase of life, and caya, with it's complex humans and emotions and motives is kinda unreachable for me. And when presented with something like that, I'm usually just annoyed by it, but I wasn't at all with caya, I immediately just had some kind of respect for it, like, this is simply too complex for you. But anyways, onto the point of this ask. When I re-read it's usually parts after Barbados, so I kinda forgot everything that happens in the begining. I started from chapter 1 today and I was at the part where we meet Emily, and I realized I kinda forgot what she's like, and I'm paying way more attention to the bits about her now. I was wondering if you always knew she was going to die, or if you considered some alternatives. I haven't really wondered before what would've happened if she wasn't sick. I think in any other story, killing of a character like that would be in order to simplify it, but that's not the case with caya. So did you ever consider a different ending for her?

Thank you for this ask! And thank you for stating so clearly how the story makes you feel. I do think caya comes from a place within me of realizing that things aren't black/white or right/wrong. I've experienced love and friendship where that's not the case and it doesn't lessen the value or the importance of those relationships at all. It's actually still something I struggle to comprehend, though, too. Like I still do wish people could just do the right thing all the time, but that assumes that we always know what the right thing is. And I definitely don't. I wish we were never disappointed or periodically let down by people we care about. I get frustrated when this isn't the case. But then I realize that I've let people down. I've made mistakes. It's human to fail and to blunder and to misunderstand. And the only way we like move forward and grow is by extending grace to others and to ourselves. Soooo much easier said than done though. Life is fucking hard lmao... caya is so important to me because it reflects that, but ends on a happy note, which is all we can hope for.

I wish there was a way to save Emily just because it's an awful way for anyone to die. She had so much life left to live and it would've been nice for her to fall in love with someone who could actually fall in love with her. But from the beginning, I always knew her illness would be terminal. I don't think a divorce would be enough to set Louis free of her, unfortunately. I think hitting rock bottom and being completely alone and having to resuscitate himself is what leads Louis to self-actualization. In the absence of love (which I equate with grief), he knows what he needs to fully heal is Harry's love. Nothing else will do.

I don't think he would have hit rock bottom in the same way if Emily lived. And I don't think if she were to go on living, they would have the honest conversation they do in her hospital room in chp 20. I don't know. I can't picture it, but maybe there's a universe where Emily lives and Louis sees the light by some other means. I have to say, a part of me always regrets killing characters solely because it's sad, even when I think it's necessary for the story. Like I wish she didn't die, but then there'd be no story. Or there'd be a different story that doesn't hit the same way!