#even if only just to say i had done it at least once

[bloogers-boogers]

0*/**/20**

"My first time with Adam... now that's unexpected to write, think or say.. but it was unfortunately anticipated from the start of this whole marriage arrangement.

Where to begin? It was awkward. At the beginning, just by taking our clothes off was a struggle. Seeing for the first time in ages Adam's bare skin again... it felt like a curse, so soft and fragile looking like the human form he once bore. I couldn't dare touch it, nonetheless look at it so... exposed. It was exhilarating to say the least, but I would never admit it out loud to anybody, mostly not to Adam!

One of Adam’s worst qualities is that he was in fact beautiful. From the beginning of time to his worst possible fate becoming a fallen.

To believe Eve ate this man for dinner every night in eden is to envy. And I could now understand Lilith's fantasies of having the first man on fours and willing to take one in.

At first, ofcourse Adam would protest of the mere idea of bottoming, I didn't expect him to react positive or want to be the one to submit. But it was either that or be thrown back to the streets of hell, cause there was in no way a possibility of me ever submitting to Adam. After all, I've done already plenty of favors!

Aside from that issue, haha! There was plenty of more! Oh boy—! You'd think it'd be easy with our history? FUCK NO.

I wanted to scream the moment I had touched his shoulder, his skin burned against my fingertips. Not even the amount of pain I felt from my fall could compare! Okay... maybe I'm exaggerating a little... that shit was painful as fuck. But you get my point!! It was fucking odd!!! There's things an angel can predict but not this! Never this!

I never thought I'd fuck Adam! Adam of all people!!

And he's my fucking husband too!!!

And the worse part, it wasn't even bad. Yes, it started off awkward but it evolved immediately to something passionate and wreckless, the type of wreckless you could almost consider tender. Adam's kisses were desperate and suffocating, it was almost funny how he was trying to catch my pace. Almost. Because it was hot. Cute. CUTE erghhhhgg!!

Husband! Husband! Husband!! That thing is my husband! The thing that wanted to kill my precious daughter is my husband!

His messy hair, his golden sultry eyes, the drool sliding down his mouth while he chanted my name repeatedly shouldn't have been so memorizing under my gaze.

It shouldn't have felt so good to take him. After everything that happened. After all the sacrifices, betrayal and bitterness. It shouldn't have felt so sweet and right for me to claim Adam that night as mine.

The bite marks, hickes and bruises are only reminders of our honeymoon sins.

This is the last I'll ever be touching Adam, but it was sure an experience I'll never forget. A haunting memory."

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[ikilledyvette]

(Part II of my seriously condensed 9-1-1 fic is here! Hope people enjoy, even though it's all a bit rushed!)

Part I

Sunday afternoon, Father’s Day. It’s always a hard day for Bobby, but usually, working helps him get through it. Today has been ... worse, and not just for him. Bobby finds Eddie on the couch, staring blankly into nothing. Bobby sits down beside him, a silent invitation to talk. Eddie doesn’t always take him up on it.

Today, Eddie says, “He hasn’t called,” and Bobby reminds him the day isn’t over yet. Eddie asks, “What if he doesn’t call?” and Bobby reminds him about tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. 

“Every day you’re both alive is another chance to make things right,” Bobby says. “Don’t give up on tomorrow just yet, Eddie.”

Buck comes by then, and Eddie takes off to give the two some space. Buck says, “So, I had dinner with my parents the other night.” Bobby asks how it went, and Buck says, “Yeah, not great. They had, uh. A lot to say about me, you know. Going through a gay phase, or something. Wanting attention. Getting too old for, I don’t know. Making stuff up, I guess.”

Bobby nods. Cautiously, he says, “Sounds to me like they still don’t know you very well.”

Buck huffs a quiet laugh. “Yeah. Thing is, everything they said ... it’s all stuff I’ve thought too, you know? Like, I’ve always done stupid things to get people’s attention. Their attention, Tommy’s. Yours. And if ... if what I’m feeling, who I am, is ... is real ... how could I have not known before, right? And I, I do know how I feel about Tommy—I like him so much, Bobby, you don’t even know—”

Bobby knows. Everyone knows. Buck’s joy is not subtle; it shines through him, a thing to behold.

“—but sometimes I still—” Buck breaks off and sighs. “Well, maybe that’s why I reacted so badly last night. Cause sometimes, I worry they’re right.”

“They’re not,” Bobby says immediately.

“How do you know that?”

And Bobby hesitates, not sure Buck is going to want to hear this right now. But still, he says, “Because I know you, kid.”

“Yeah,” Buck says, smiling a little. “You do. Bobby, I’m. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I do. Cause that night we talked about Tommy? You didn’t ask me to, to explain myself, or suggest maybe I wasn’t thinking things through. You didn’t need me to prove anything. You just accepted it, Tommy and me. You accepted me.” Buck shakes his head. “I told this to Maddie once, but sometimes it’s easier to lash out at the person you know is always going to forgive you. My parents, that’s not them, never will be. But you, uh. You’re safe.”

Bobby swallows a little at that. He wants to be that person for Buck—but Bobby know he isn’t, can’t be. He’s the reason his family is dead; he’s the reason so many people are dead. 

“I know I hurt you,” Bobby says. “If I hadn’t left the way I did, Gerrard would never have been captain, and—”

“You think this is about Gerrard? Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.” But Buck’s voice is teasing, lessening the sting. “Yeah, I mean, working under Gerrard was ... rough, for a lot reasons. But that’s not ... Hen was the one mad at you for that.”

Bobby is aware. Hen had forgiven him pretty quickly, but her attitude towards Bobby on his first day back had been ... cool, to say the least. Bobby understands why, had prepared himself for Hen’s anger, potentially Chimney’s, too. They both went through a lot, working under Gerrard the first time around. Bobby had expected them to be upset.

He’s not sure why he hadn’t expected Buck to be.

“I’m not mad about Gerrard,” Buck tells him. “I’m mad that you lied. You—you were saying goodbye all day, only we didn’t know, I didn’t know. And you just—you were just going to leave?”

“I didn’t want—”

“You didn’t want us to change your mind,” Buck says, now visibly upset. “You—you said goodbye, Bobby. I didn’t realize it then, what you were doing, but—if you were gone, if you left, and I could have done something to stop it, stop you from, from—"

And Bobby realizes suddenly that Buck isn’t just talking about Bobby quitting.

“Hey,” Bobby says. “Listen. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“For how long?” Buck asks, and it’s not mockery this time. It’s pleading. Anxious. Young. For as much Buck has been through, for as much progress he’s made over the last seven years, Bobby is struck every now and then by how young Buck still is.

“That’s not up to me,” Bobby says and points up, skyward, at the man upstairs. “And listen, Buck, I won’t deny I was ... I was in a pretty dark place a couple of months ago. I should’ve been more honest about that. But I’m here, and I mean to stay here as long as I can. Okay? I’m not going anywhere without a fight, I promise.”

Buck inhales, a deep, shuddery breath, and Bobby hugs him, and Buck hugs Bobby back. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck says again. “I think, maybe. I think I’ve just been really scared.”

Bobby hugs him a little tighter and says, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, kid.”

Footsteps on the stairs interrupt them a few minutes later. “Not to break up this long overdue moment,” Chimney says, “but Buck, you’ve got another visitor.”

Buck turns with a little dread, expecting his parents and not sure he’s ready to face them just yet—but it’s Maddie. This time, it’s Bobby and Chimney who disappear downstairs to give the Buckley siblings some space.

Maddie tells Buck that their parents are flying home. “I told them to go,” she says. “And not to come back.”

“Chimney told you,” Buck realizes, resigned and more than a little annoyed.

“Of course, he did,” Maddie says. She’s slightly exasperated but mostly worried. “Why didn’t you?” 

She thinks he’ll say something about not wanting to ruin Maddie’s relationship with their parents or Jee Yun’s relationships with her grandparents, and Buck does lead with that. But mostly, Buck’s ashamed of how he petty it was, bringing up Daniel. “I didn’t want you to think that I, I resented him,” he says. “I really don’t, Maddie. He was just a kid, and he never got the chance to grow up and, and I wish I could’ve given him that chance. I wish I could’ve met the person he would’ve become.”

“I know,” Maddie tells him, and reminds him that it’s not his fault; it was never his responsibility to save Daniel. Buck says he doesn’t blame their mom for slapping him after what he said, and Maddie, steely, says, “Well, I do. For that, and also for how they talked to you—no, it’s not okay. What if Jee grows up and realizes she likes both boys and girls someday? I don't want Mom talking to her like that. Do you?"

Buck recoils a little, and Maddie nods. “Would you be okay if Mom ever hit Jee Yun?” she asks. “Even if she said something terrible? Even if she deserved it?”

“She could never deserve it,” Buck says, knowing what Maddie’s doing but unable to keep quiet, not when his sister looks so upset, not with the ghost of Doug so heavy in the air. He hates to think of how many times Doug must have told Maddie that she was to blame for everything he did to her. “But Maddie, I don’t think Mom or Dad would ever—”

“Maybe not,” Maddie says, “but that doesn’t make them safe. They screw up, and they always feel bad about it, but they never really apologize. They never put in the work. They just ... make excuses and expect that we’ll forgive them, but I think I’m done with that now. I’m done with relationships where it’s only my responsibility to try harder, to smooth things over, to say the right thing, to always forgive. Maybe someday, if Mom and Dad actually work on themselves, but for right now ..." Maddie shakes her head. "Enough is enough.”

Buck gets that, he does. But he admits he isn’t sure he’s ready to cut off his parents yet, isn’t sure he wants too. He still wants to keep trying, and Maddie says that’s okay. What matters is, they still have each other. And she won’t try to change his mind if he doesn’t try to change hers.

Buck offers her a pinky swear. Maddie smiles and hooks her finger around his.

*

Meanwhile, downstairs, a phone rings.

“Christopher?” Eddie says, and takes a few steps, turning away from everyone. 

It is Christopher. He calls to wish his dad a happy Father’s Day, but also to say he loves him, and while he’s not quite ready to come home yet, he still wants to come home, and maybe soon.

“I miss you,” Christopher tells him. “I don’t want to miss you anymore. But you have to stop lying to me.”

“I can do that,” Eddie promises.

“And go back to therapy.”

Eddie laughs. “Already on top of that one, bud. Maybe ... we could go together, sometime, when you come home?”

“Yeah,” Christopher says. “I’d like that. I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Chris,” Eddie says. He hangs up, takes a breath before turning around, and announces, “Christopher called!" as if everyone—including Maddie and Buck, leaning over the balcony—weren’t badly pretending not to eavesdrop.

Everyone cheers and rushes Eddie. 

“What did I tell you?” Bobby asks him. “What did I tell you?” Hen asks, too, and Eddie says, “Yeah, yeah,” to both of them, with wet eyes and a shaky, hopeful smile.

“This calls for champagne!” Chimney announces. “But since we’re all on duty ... cheap coffee and leftover Ding Dong, Gerrard is Gone cake it is!”

—All in all, it’s the best Father’s Day the 118 has had in a long, long time. 

(And that's it! Apologies, fellow Tommy fans, that he didn’t make it into Part 2—but you know. If Tommy’s at the fire house, who’s flying the plane? Actually, Tommy’s too busy babysitting Jee Yun, and—to both Buck and Chimney’s horror—introducing her to all the worst Star Wars movies. She loves them.)

Tag List @lavenderleahy @v88sy

[stranger-theory]

can we all take a moment to appreciate the delulu in this community? the amount of people who looked at every little detail in Byler's relationship have done numbers for us as a nation.

looking at everything as if it has meaning is much more useful than ignoring what can be passed off as nothing. putting meaning to every single spec of evidence, even just to test if it Could be true, is always better than seeing something as "small" and ignoring big evidence inside those small details.

i think this especially helps with "coincidences" in the evidence. if we only had the lip glances to go off of, we'd look crazy. it can be passed off as nothing. but looking at all the evidence we have, piles of parallels and references, they look... suspicious, to say the least. but that's all we need. if it gets to a point where even the smallest evidence raises a brow, that's when we win.

i'll often see Those Milevens say that we're crazy for considering such a small action as full proof, but these actions alone aren't what make the full picture.

a rose is a rose, alone, but if you keep adding, at a certain point, you have to admit it's a garden.

once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three is a pattern.

[lightlycareless]

Because everyone asked (I mean, kind of, I for sure wanted to hehe) here is the continuation to this small piece :>!!

Warnings: none. your family is overprotective of you. overall fluff.

Happy reading!!

You knew it was coming, the moment you saw Satoru and Suguru frantically rush out the classroom door and disappear into the hallways with your secret, you knew it was only a matter of time before either your siblings, or your father, called you to discuss the elephant in the room.

And yet, you still hoped they’d let this slide. Prayed that somehow this would be forgotten, just like everything else that usually pertained to you—in true Satoru fashion— and let you return to the safe haven you’ve found in Naoya…

Whatever you desired was instantly thrown out the window the moment you received the following message from your father.

“Please come home this weekend, there is much to discuss.”

Oh, how you wanted the earth to simply swallow you whole. Lighting to strike you, or… just about anything really, to avoid this situation.

But alas, Friday was fast approaching, and when you were just mere minutes away from joining your siblings for the ride back home, you began to anxiously prepare to face the consequences of your actions—all unthinkable scenarios soon crossing your mind.

“Let me go with you.” Naoya would insist once more, virtually glued to his phone in case you needed anything. “I can talk to your father if need be.”

“As much as I want to… I feel like this is something I need to do on my own.”

“Y/N…”

“In case anything happens, I… I want you to know I love you.” You confessed. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will always cherish our short moments together.”

Naoya swallows, hating the lump forming in his throat, the way his heart sank to his stomach at the very likely situation of never seeing you again after today.

But just like you, he doesn’t lose hope. Not yet—for he still counts on fate to keep the two together; after all, his feelings for you were too pure, genuine, ones he never thought himself capable of harboring.

That must be something… right?

For Naoya at least, it does. And he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses you.

“Hey… dad.” It was the fateful moment, uttered the moment you walked into his studio, quietly sliding the door close behind you and making way to the seat in front of his desk, where you’d find both your father and siblings seemingly scrutinizing your presence: the obvious disapproval of your relationship with Naoya.

“Hello, Y/N.” he responds, tone void of the usual enthusiasm that followed. Today you weren’t to talk with the chirpy, goofy father you knew.

This time you’d face the strict side of him, the leader of the clan.

And that made you feel even tinier.

“I guess we’re going straight to it… right?” you ask.

Eiichi presses his lips together—yes.

“Fa—father, I didn’t mean to—”

“I’m not going to deny the disappointment I felt upon hearing you had a boyfriend, especially after you promised to only focus on your studies.” Your father interrupts, his words chipping at your poor heart. “And of all people, the heir of the Zen’in just had to be the one you were dating.”

Feeling as the worst daughter ever, your gaze lowered to the floor, hoping that by evading his eyes his reprimands would be a fraction more tolerable—but it would be for naught, since the damage was already done: you’ve lost his trust, and thus, Naoya.

There was nothing else to say, you might as well voice your regrets.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, tears soon dampen your cheeks. “I’m sorry dad for disappointing you—”

“…But what hurt me more… was the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.” Eiichi reveals with a sniffle that shows he too had begun to cry.

“D—Dad—”

“…Does he make you happy? Beyond the rumors that plague him and his family, have you truly found happiness by his side?”

“I… I have.” You finally confess, fidgeting with the edges of your sleeve. “He makes me really happy, like I’ve never felt before.”

“Then that’s all I need to know.”

“Wait, what?! That’s all you’re going to say, father?!” Hinata, your sister, is the first to cut the tension between the two with a loud shriek; clearly expecting a type of fight, some resistance for a relationship she considered unjustifiable in so many levels—you were far too good for someone like him! Surely her dad could see that?! “It’s—It’s Naoya for god’s sake! From that wretched Zen’in clan!”

“I know; but at the same time, this is Y/N’s decision to take. And if she’s happy, who am I to stop her?” He answers, much to your sister’s growing frustration. “I know all about being in love and fighting the odds to be with the one you cherish!”

Hinata scowls, somewhat disgusted by the comparison. Naoya could never…

“Though I am a bit upset that you didn’t tell me anything, pumpkin! Why didn’t you?”

“I… I guess I was… afraid.” You swallow, doing your best to wipe the tears from your face and compose your voice. “I’m aware of what people think of Naoya, so I… thought it would be better to keep it… a… secret…”

“But from me?!” Eiichi cries. “We swore to always tell each other everything, remember?!”

A promise made when you were very, very young; so much so, you probably didn’t even think much of it, just wanting to follow your father’s lead and continue doing whatever it is that you did back then…

But to him, it was a pact signed with blood (dramatic much?) and such, your secrecy hurt him deeply.

“I still don’t trust Naoya.” Hinata quietly adds.

“You ought to trust Y/N.” Ren, your brother, adds. “She wouldn’t have lasted as long if she wasn’t happy with him.”

“Wait—how do you know how long—?” you blink.

“You knew?!” Eiichi gasps once more, betrayed yet again by another one of his children. Has he done something to earn their mistrust?! “Did everyone here know of this and decided not to tell me??”

“I didn’t know!” Hinata cried. “How did you find out, Ren?!”

“It was written all over Y/N’s face—”

You, your sister, and father looked at him as if he’d grown a second head, making him roll his eyes and sigh.

“Really? Did none of you notice how chirpy she became? Or how flustered she’d return after getting lunch?” Ren raises an eyebrow, Hinata shakes her head, you simply… blush, embarrassed that your careful attempts to keep your relationship a secret were not discreet at all. “I sometimes even wonder where your head is, Hinata… It was written all over her face!”

“I mean, she’s always like that, right, father???”

Eiichi remains silent, the subtle admission that he agreed with Ren’s observations. The signs of an infatuated girl were there: from how he’d hear you talk “to yourself” late at night, to always keeping close to the phone at home just in case one of your friends from school called…

The signs were always there, he was just too blind to see them, perhaps out of his disposition to see the little girl he always considered you to be—you were his youngest, after all.

And yet, he couldn’t blame you; for he had been in your shoes too, acting the same way when meeting your mother, if not worse, for his relationship became the talk of the town as soon as everyone caught wind of it. You had managed to keep it a secret at least!

Eiichi also knew that a part of you, beneath the playful, carefree child you always were, desired to find the love of your life, a hopeless romantic naturally inspired by the devoted relationship he had with Tomoko, and the all-around loving relationship they all had as a family.

Thus, it was highly unrealistic of him to expect you to only focus on your career when he knew of this side of you, or when he also hoped that by enrolling in jujutsu high you’d find someone responsible, hardworking, and of course dedicated; someone that would provide you with a good life and everything else you desired, as a future partner.

Perhaps most of his shock (if not all) came from the fact that he never imagined those shoes to be filled by Naoya himself! The snobbish heir of the Zen’in, a clan most would want to steer away from when money wasn’t involved.

A kid he always knew as keen to torment others, not cherish them!

And yet, here you were, seemingly enamored with him; and by the looks of it, the feeling was mutual…

Still, he worries. He has to, it’s his job as your father. To think of the worst things that could happen to you and do everything in his power to prevent them.

But Ren’s words held some truth behind them: if Naoya wasn’t of your liking, if he hadn’t been what you imagined… then this train of thought wouldn’t be happening at all. Your father likes to believe—no, he knows that you’re sensible enough to do the right thing.

And if that is to be by his side… then he’ll support till the end of the road.

With a few requirements, of course.

“Does that mean… I’m not in trouble anymore?” you murmur, your soft voice making Eiichi’s heart squeeze.

“Oh, you were never in trouble, Y/N!” He gasps, quick to stand from his seat and take you into his arms, easing your anxieties into embarrassment given the way you soon became overwhelmed by his gestures.

“Dad—that’s—you’re choking me!”

“I’m so sorry for frightening you, pumpkin. I was just worried that you weren’t happy with him. But you don’t know how glad I am that you’ve found someone to share your life with.” Eiichi adds. “…And I’m so sorry that I made you think you were disappointment—you are not; you could never be!”

“Dad…” your voice trembles, hugging him tightly in return.

“But I still have to meet him, Y/N. You have to bring him home if you want this relationship to continue.” Eiichi soon warns. “And no doing anything of that nature until you’re much older! Or at least safely, I wouldn’t want you to pause your stud—”

“Oh my god, dad! Can you not say that in front of my siblings?!” You shriek, whatever embarrassment you felt before was nothing compared to this. “We barely do anything…”

“As it should be, you’re far too young to be thinking about anything else!”

“I’m sure you were a saint, father.” Ren snickers, his jest going completely over Eiichi’s head.

“I was! I did everything to win your mother’s heart, but always careful enough to never offend her or her family!”

“Woosh…” Ren laughs, finding his father’s naivety hilarious.

“Well, whatever! That doesn’t mean I’m all too happy about it…” Hinata crosses her arms, pouting. “Not when he hasn’t even formally introduced himself to us! I can’t believe I got to hear about it from Satoru and Suguru first!”

“Can he come over today? No—he must come over today! I have to talk to him before anything else—"

“Wait, dad he—I can’t invite him over today! He’s going to freak out! I need to prepare him, you know…?”

“Prepare him? Don’t tell me that jerk gets nervous.” Hinata says.

“Hinata, we need to respect Y/N’s boyfriend.” Eiichi defends Naoya, making Hinata squirm out of disgust. “But fine, I’ll give him a week to prepare his speech as to why I should let him date my adorable daughter!”

“Dad, you’re going to scare him!” you fret.

“Then he better come prepared.”

Well, it’s good to know that at the end of the day, you never really had anything to worry about—your father was just concerned about you, as he always was, but still approved of your relationship with Naoya. Somewhat, he has yet to be fully convinced that Naoya is indeed the best match for you, and considering his overprotective nature, seems like your boyfriend will need to do so for the rest of his life…

But Naoya would much rather take on this than the notion of losing you.

Didn’t stop his blood from running cold when you eventually told him, probably the most nerve-wracking thing he’s had to prepare for in his life, but he still pushed forward—because for you he’ll go to the end of the world, just to keep you by his side.

Naoya meeting your father is happening too :)))))) keep him in your prayers.

[propertyofkylar]

a visit with the princess - f!sydney x f!kylar (royalty au)

word count: 2210

tags/warnings: TOXIC YURI, my royalty au, thigh riding, humping, kylar's kinda ooc i think but just imagine a world where she got yandere over sydney instead of pc and it's fine, a squint of homophobia from religious syd

The two young ladies sat awkwardly across from each other in the sitting room. 

Somehow, without either of their input, it had been decided that the two should get together as a sign of unity and allyship. So, here they were. Two childhood friends who hadn’t spoken in years. Sydney and Kylar, staring uncomfortably away from each other as their tea grew colder by the second. 

Sydney examined the girl who had once been her closest friend, the girl currently staring out the window and adamantly away from Sydney. She remembered quite well being young together. How one day, she was forbidden to see her best friend ever again. Things had changed, as evidenced by the two sitting in the same room together. But the tension lingered. 

Kylar looked well enough. Though years had passed, she was the same beautiful girl as ever. Her dark hair was braided, though the braids were fuzzy and coming apart. Her dress was clean, but was clearly old. It made Sydney wonder what she had been through these past few years. Not that Kylar would tell her. 

And it wasn’t for lack of trying. Every time Sydney tried to speak, Kylar fixed her with a glare so severe that it made the girl wilt. So the only sounds in the room were the occasional sips of tea and crunching of biscuits. Even the girls’ personal maids - themselves well-acquainted from Sydney and Kylar’s earlier days - were huddled in a corner together, whispering, clearly uneasy. 

Sydney picked up a jam-filled cookie and studied it closely. She let the sweet flavors spread across her tongue as she took a bite. And very hesitantly, she turned to face Kylar. “Is this–” Sydney’s voice cracked, and she cleared her throat quickly. “Is this what I think it is? Do you still have the same cook…?”

Kylar frowned at the cookie Sydney was waving in the air, but at least she was looking at her now. “Yes,” Kylar said after a beat. “She…she made those specifically for you when she heard you were coming.”

Sydney couldn’t control the wide grin forming on her face. “Really? She remembered?”

Kylar didn’t respond. But Sydney decided to keep going. 

“Do you remember when we were little? And we snuck into the kitchen and ate so many sweets? I don’t think I’ve ever been scolded that badly,” Sydney couldn’t help but giggle as she fondly recalled the cherished memory. 

Then, she saw it. She knew what she saw. A ghost of a smile flashed on Kylar’s face. It was brief, but Sydney was sure it was there. 

“…yeah,” Kylar grumbled. “I think I still have trouble sitting after what mother put me through.”

This time, Sydney full on laughed. And Kylar looked at her incredulously, her mouth slightly agape. She wanted to say something. But she wouldn’t let herself. 

“Oh, I knew it! I could recognize this flavor anywhere,” Sydney beamed, finishing the cookie and quickly grabbing another. Kylar watched her, silently sipping her tea. “Please give her my regards.”

Kylar didn’t say anything. The two returned to their silence again, but the awkward tension had dissipated ever so slightly. 

As Kylar finished her tea, she had balled up part of her skirt in her fist, and her other hand was shaking as she set her cup down. “U-um,” she began, and immediately had Sydney’s full attention. “Would you like to see the gardens? I remember you liked them…”

Though Kylar’s face was sullen, Sydney’s heart swelled with joy - she had personally remembered something about her!

“I would,” Sydney replied. “I really, truly would.”

And so, just as they had done many years before, the two girls dashed outside to stroll through the manor’s luxurious gardens. 

They weren’t quite as Sydney had remembered. The flowers were in need of pruning, and the shrubbery was overgrown. It clearly hadn’t been totally abandoned, but obviously wasn’t being taken care of nearly as well as it had been in the past. 

Still, it was beautiful to Sydney. She wandered in awe, fondly remembering the hours spent here as a child. 

“Sorry that it’s kinda messy,” Kylar mumbled, picking at a loose thread on her sleeve.

“Oh, no!” Sydney replied so quickly and forcefully that Kylar couldn’t hide how taken aback she was. “It’s as lovely as ever!”

Kylar turned away, but Sydney thought she saw the hint of a blush creeping across her cheeks. 

“I remember playing hide-and-seek with you in these gardens,” Sydney said with a fond smile. “But you were always so much better at hiding!”

Kylar shrugged, still picking at that loose thread. “Well, I-I mean, I live here, so…”

Sydney nodded as the two of them continued their stroll. With every step, the atmosphere became more comfortable and inviting. With every step, the two girls grew closer. 

She turned to look at her childhood best friend and was surprised to see Kylar looking straight at her. There was an intensity in her eyes and while a blush crept across her face, she seemed to be willing herself to keep looking at Sydney. She offered the girl a small smile and felt something brush against the back of her hand. 

Kylar’s fingers were entwining with hers. Just as they did, so many years ago. 

The touch triggered memories in Sydney, of hours spent walking hand-in-hand. So she said nothing and simply let their hands meet. 

Sydney could hardly believe it. Kylar’s small, slightly clammy hand was in her warmer one. Her heart started racing and she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it just made her that happy. 

She stopped to examine the length of rose bushes, breathing in the sweet smell that brought her back to her younger years. A smile stretched across her face as she looked at the stunning pink and red blooms. With her free hand, she stroked a delicate petal. “I can’t tell you how much I missed these,” she said. “They’re so much bigger than the ones at the temple, and–”

But Sydney was cut off when she turned to Kylar and fully took in the look on her face. There was a heat in her eyes, and her lips were slightly parted. It was magnetic. 

“Kylar, are you…” Sydney trailed off as Kylar’s eyes darted around the garden. Sydney wasn’t sure what she was looking for. But then, Kylar nodded. 

And her lips were on hers. 

It wasn’t very romantic, and it wasn’t very good. Sydney assumed that Kylar had never kissed anyone before (much like herself) and her lips were hard and unmoving. Sydney’s were as well, but that was because she hadn’t been expecting her childhood best friend to kiss her suddenly. 

Sydney expected the girl’s face to be bright red when she pulled away, but it was ashen. Kylar looked like she was going to be sick. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know why I did that.”

Obviously, Sydney didn’t know why either. But honestly, she didn’t hate it. So she bent over and kissed her friend again. 

Kylar pressed her hands against Sydney’s stomach, while Sydney took Kylar’s face in her hands. Sydney parted her lips and the kiss deepened, and though it was so awkward and so clumsy, it felt right. 

But then, Sydney came to her senses. She pulled away so quickly that she stumbled slightly backwards. 

“Wait,” Sydney said, gasping for air like a fish out of water. “Wait, wait.”

An odd feeling she had never felt before was stirring in the pit of her stomach. Images flashed in her mind. The bishop. Jordan. Her own late mother. This was what they had warned her about her whole life. This was that dangerous, sinful lust. 

Kylar was peering up at her, her cheeks reddened and her bottom lip pouting. Her eyes were wide and dark. There was no other way Sydney could describe it - she simply looked appetizing. But she shook her head. 

“We can’t do this,” Sydney said, suddenly feeling like she was choking. “It’s…it’s wrong.” She tried to push her friend away, but couldn’t find the strength to do more than place her hands on Kylar’s shoulders. 

Kylar frowned, her eyes narrowing. “You really still believe in that stuff?”

A spark of anger coursed through Sydney’s body at that. Her thoughts were frenzied. “Yes - the church says it’s wrong - and we’re two GIRLS, even - we cannot fall into lust - just because you abandoned the church doesn’t mean you get to - ”

She stopped at the look of rage in Kylar’s eyes. “I didn’t abandon the church,” she said simply. “The church abandoned me.”

And with that, Kylar stood on her tiptoes and kissed Sydney again. 

This kiss was more passionate and almost violent. The girls’ teeth clashed against each other, Kylar’s tongue swirling in Sydney’s mouth. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before. It was…glorious. 

Kylar pressed her body against hers and she could feel the heat through their layers of dresses. Kylar’s breasts moved against her own. When Kylar bit down on her lower lip, she let out a half-yelp, half-moan. 

Was this real? Was this actually happening? Was Sydney kissing her childhood best friend, whom she hadn’t seen in years, in a private corner of her manor’s garden? 

And if it was supposed to be wrong, why did it feel so amazing? What else were they hiding from her?

Sydney pushed that thought aside for now and turned her focus back on the warm girl she had in front of her. 

Kylar pushed her down onto a bench and hiked Sydney’s skirt up to her waist before lifting her own up and straddling her. Something hot and wet was touching Sydney’s thigh, and she shuddered when she realized what it was. 

“We can’t be doing this,” Sydney mumbled against Kylar’s hot mouth, but neither girl made any effort to move. 

Kylar’s knee bumped against Sydney’s core and she realized that, more importantly, they couldn’t. Kylar pulled back slightly, her head tilted. 

“You wear one of those things?” Kylar asked. Sydney flushed. Never before had she considered that her chastity belt would cause problems. She felt embarrassed by it. 

“S-sister Jordan said I needed to protect my purity…” she replied shyly. 

Kylar sighed and pressed her knee against where the belt covered Sydney’s most sensitive spot. It made the girl gasp. Kylar smirked. Seems that the belt wasn’t entirely useful when it came to preventing lustful actions. 

As the two of them continued kissing passionately, Kylar began to move on Sydney’s thigh, panting into the other girl’s mouth as she did so. And every time she grinded down on Sydney’s leg, her knee pushed against the belt, sending a jolt of pleasure in the area Sydney had long been forbidden to touch. Her thoughts were incoherent, dizzy and jumbled thanks to this brand new feeling. But one thought managed to cut through the rest…what else were they hiding from her, if this felt so good?

Both girls were gasping in a stuttered way, moaning into the other’s mouth as Kylar’s movements grew more and more frenzied. “W-wait,” Sydney practically yelped, but this time she wasn’t trying to stop. “It feels…it feels so good…I feel like I’m gonna explode…”

That was when Sydney climaxed for the first time in her life. Her mind went entirely blank and she squeezed her eyes shut, bright lights dancing behind her eyelids. She felt her body seize up and her belt became uncomfortably wet.

Kylar did not stop or even slow down. Sydney opened her eyes to look at the girl and found her tantalizing in a way she could have never imagined. Her own eyes were shut, her face bright red and her lips swollen. Sweat dripped down her brow and her hair was fuzzy where it was coming out of her braids, but the way the sun backlit her in the garden made her look like she was glowing. Like an angel, come to life. 

“O-oh,” Kylar moaned, rocking back and forth. “Feels s’good!” 

The smaller girl let out a high-pitched whine as she evidently hit her own climax, her hips starting to slow down as Sydney felt a rush of sticky liquid coat her upper thigh. Then, both breathing heavily, the two girls looked at each other quite seriously - and then burst into a fit of giggles.

“That was…” Sydney was at a loss for words. “I didn’t know that was possible. I didn’t know that was something people could even do!”

Kylar smiled and suddenly, she looked much younger and more full of life than Sydney had seen all day. It made Sydney forget how uncomfortably wet and sticky she was, and how she was going to hide what she had done from her maid when they left. Kylar threw her arms around Sydney’s shoulders and buried her face in the crook of her neck. 

“Thank you for coming to visit,” she said in a small voice. Sydney pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I’d like to come by again soon, if you’ll have me,” she said in response, and she could feel Kylar smile against her skin. 

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I’d like that.”

And the two of them sat in silence after that.

[deoidesign]

Doing master studies the only way I know how: Stealing them and making them my guys.

(Barberini Faun)

(The Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel)

(Covent Garden - William Bruce Ellis Rankin)

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

When I see stuff like this I kinda want to bash my head into a wall:

To start off, I’m not sure whether this person was commenting on book or show Cersei, but honestly, it doesn’t even matter because she’s so much more than the ‘ambitious villain’ or the ‘murderous girlboss’ tropes in both the book and show.

(Of course, I do have my issues with the way Cersei was written in the show like most people but this is simply a rant post so I’m not going to go through the differences of Show vs Book Cersei)

Cersei is a female character who was shaped by her environment, who’s insecurities were created by her environment, and she’s a woman who’s idiotic mistakes can be traced back to how her environment shaped her. She’s much more than a murderous girlboss, she’s both a victim of the system and also a beneficiary of it, while also acting as an agent of it to keep the status quo while also desiring what the system denied her.

Cersei is NUANCED and complicated and even now people hate that about her and want her to have been a purely evil woman handcrafted in a vacuum, ignoring the context of her life because readers would rather not engage with Cersei’s victimhood and nuances because that ruins their idea of: She Was The Problem and Always The Problem. (People would rather say that she deserved her walk of shame instead of interacting meaningfully with the theme of systematic gender-based violence that is so prevalent in Cersei’s story. The exploration of patriarchal violence in Show Alicent’s story is done so horribly in comparison.)

And what really pissed me off about these tags is that this person has clearly decided that they don’t care to interact with the nuance of Cersei and are fine with flattening her, and yet they shit on others for not liking Alicent.

Because of the way Alicent is written in this show, she almost always has a ‘woe is me I can do no wrong’ attitude, which of course drives people away from the character (woe is me I deserve to take a child’s eye 🥺). However, what actually annoys me is how she’s made out to be stupid, foolish, ignorant, and inconsistent due to the horrible writing of this show, all of which are deviations from her book characterization. Also, I despise it when people want me to support writing decisions and changes made in adaptations that are downright misogynistic and are meant to attract the male gaze.

But what pisses many people, including myself, off is how the changes made negatively impacted many other characters. Alicent’s terrible characterization is like a black hole that distorts and warps the whole story! It’s annoying af!

So when people like this say: ‘She’s nuanced and people just can’t handle it 🙄;’ I say: No. She’s horribly written and a different character from the book and people have a right to be critical about these changes that stripped a female character of 1) her agency and 2) her intelligence!

And the thing is, there was little reason for the writers to have made all these changes to Alicent’s characterization! In the book she is an interesting character with clear motives and understandable reactions. She’s cunning and ambitious and acts the way a noble lady who became queen would. And despite her clear ambitions and dislike of Rhaenyra, she still makes a comment wondering about who would protect the Princess from Ser Criston, and yet she then takes Cole into her service after his falling out with Rhaenyra. That’s a perfect example of nuance! Show Alicent could never compare to book Alicent’s clear moral values and consistent disregard of said moral values in pursuit of power.

And because of this, Book Alicent isn’t easy to stomach. It’s hard for most people to come to terms with a character like her and it’s even harder for people to feel sympathetic for her at the end when she went mad with grief.

On the other hand, Show Alicent was designed in a way to garner pity, and when the writers felt like her current arc wouldn’t be enough to garner the specific reaction they wanted they would then throw in a time skip and suddenly she’s completely different and yet still Thee victim. She’s designed to be as sympathetic as fucking possible! The camera angles, the background music, and the lighting is set up in a way to make sure you the viewer feels pity or sympathy for her! Cause that’s her role in this series! She’s thee Ultimate Victim!

But too bad for the writers as many people are fed up with this kind of inconsistent writing. Even when the writers created a whole new challenge for Alicent where she’s shitted on by the green council and forced to face the beast she helped to raise, I and many others could never feel any satisfaction as it was clear that once again Alicent was being made to be Thee Ultimate Victim who was just led astray by the patriarchy and was a victim of it and was only just realizing it so don’t you pity her don’t you feel sad for her and now she’s trying to do the right thing so pls pls pls pity her 🥺~ So it shouldn’t be surprising that many people are annoyed by these eNLiGhtEnEd changes that have led to a complete deviation from the source material.

To summarize: Cersei is an excellent fucking character who’s by no means easy to stomach, and because she’s not easy to stomach she’s often reduced to annoying ass tropes by dumbasses who are reading above their comprehension level. But when you actually try to understand her, you can easily see why she turned out the way she did and you can feel sympathy for her while understanding that she’s both victim and perpetrator! On the other hand, Show Alicent is a mess and HOTD is trying to make her serve a different narrative role than she did in the books so ofc people are going to be unhappy with the changes as book readers are once again faced with the annoying reality that the writers don’t give a fuck about the source material.

[shoutsindwarvish]

two different rabbis directly to me + multiple places online: jewish imposter syndrome is real and is (to varying degrees) almost a universal experience in one way or another

me, who has been actively practicing for over nine months and taken multiple classes while also being halachically jewish by birth: i am the exception and am an imposter in jewish spaces and should feel bad about it. no i will not elaborate on why i believe this is true of me and no one else.

[cerealmonster15]

i finally made a folder of my google docs re: twst fics/plannings and looking at the names are so fun bc a lot of them i didnt use the final fic name [if it got published] so sometimes it's just a placeholder [especially if it's just notes/ideas and not a fic] and some dont have a title at all and just auto used the first few words of the doc so i have like

i think only like 5ish of these have their ao3 titles on them / on two separate occasions i named an apple juice fic prompt doc the same thing except for literally just one has an extra ! and they were like 2 months apart......... i even checked bc i thought for some reason the doc duplicated themselves but no, those are just two completely different fics, they just both happened to be Apple Juice Kiss Prompts jvdjfdsljg i didnt do that w/any of the other kiss prompt docs but. whatever i guess!!

it's a fun guessing game on looking at the titles and trying to remember which ones they are. they date back to like 2021 when i moved from word docs to google so i could more easily share them with my friend since i wasnt really publishing anything at first lol.

[widevibratobitch]

im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

[tardis--dreams]

There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While

[anotheruntitledsong]

i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty

[sanguith]

i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal

[born-to-lose]

Missing people and regretting shit o'clock

[bunnis-monsters]

NSFW

So hybrid bulls and cows are actually separate species in MY fantasy world, not male and female.

So you work on a farm specializing in male cows and bulls, the only woman that’s allowed there due to… how the hybrids behave around any females.

You milk them… but not in the normal way. As the only woman on the farm, you’re the only one they’ll allow to milk their cocks. They produce a special semen that’s a milk alternative, and very yummy!

The cow’s are fine enough, following you around and nuzzling into you, wanting cuddles and extra attention when you’re milking them… they behave so well, blushing and mooing softly, gently moving their hips against your hand as you milk their cocks dry.

The bulls however… are a different story. They’re very territorial and protective over the cow hybrids, who they’ve formed a friendship with. They don’t like most people, and tend to be loners that only come around when it’s milking time.

But your pay is upgraded when the farm owners notice that the bulls have started warming up to you, even starting to treat you like a heifer, keeping you safe and guarding you from the other employees.

It wasn’t a surprise to anyone but you when the bulls started being a bit… too handsy with you. They viewed you as a heifer now… but you were so small compared to any female cow they’d ever seen. A runt, stunted, maybe…

But you had that chubby tummy and plush hips, those plump breasts that would look so pretty full of milk…

Within a month of starting work, you find yourself being bent over by one of the bulls, the cows mooing in distress and trying to comfort you as a fat cock enters your cunt.

“D-don’t be rough with her! She’s little!” one of the cows protests, stroking your hair and cooing softly to you. The bull huffs, hot air hitting the back of your neck as he fucks into you.

“Being as gentle as possible… little thing, couldn’t take me being rough even if I wanted to be…”

Your cunt was stuffed full with cum, several bulls mounting you until you were a blubbering mess. Once the bulls were done, you were surrounded by cows, getting kisses and snuggles… but they wanted to mate as well…

They pressed down on your belly, cum pooling between your legs as they cooed and gently fucked their own seed into you. By the end of the work day, you were spent, curled up in the hay with several cow hybrids as the bulls guarded the door.

You were payed handsomely for your efforts, and offered an even bigger paycheck to let them mount you at least once a week to let out their sexual frustrations.

They became more territorial around you, but when you weren’t in the picture, the bulls were much calmer and didn’t attack anyone that brought out food or came to give them check ups.

And when you became pregnant… well… let’s just say you were tucked away in the barn, living there with the cows and bulls as your belly grew heavy and swollen.

The cows tended to you, making sure you received all the human comforts you wanted along with their endless affections, and the bulls kept you safe.

———————

A/N: omg… ask me more about this concept because… I’m in love

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @screaming-crying-screamingagain @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @chubbumblebee @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @j3llyphisching @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden

[steviescrystals]

one more rant about my layoff in the tags and then i’ll shut up i promise