#even if they are mostly cgi

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I mean technically they weren't a couple. George was madames friend and lawyer

But they liked to dance to that song

I think.....I think I just saw a car with an aristocats reference???? It was an older couple in the car and they were listening to the song that the old couple in the movie liked to dance to and the man's name was George and he couldn't hear super well and was a little spacey which im pretty sure was the same in the movie????

I mean its been a few years since I watched that movie last but that song is burned into my brain and I dont even know what its called

[rotteneldritchhorror]

hate to say it-- kinda love how this season was shot...

the interviews being shot like that is so incredibly funny, the jj breakdown scene/longshot is literally a cinematic masterpiece, hate to say it but the surrealism of the nighttime scenes being so badly set during "night" is kinda iconic to me, some of the hand-held moments, the zoomes-

this season is kinda fucked up (cough cough. *stares*) but tbh.... its definitely not my least favorite

[thetimelordbatgirl]

I ain't gonna lie: the new voice for Smurfette really does not sound great.

[lastofthe20thcenturygirls]

it's been what 11 years but i still haven't gotten over just how awful of a song saans was

[aftonenterprise-moved]

i want to care about the new arcs of fnaf so bad especially while being a vanessa stan but oh my goodness i cannot get into it and i want to say its because michael isn't there but honestly michael wasnt there before. but i hadn't had it broken down to me exactly HOW intertwined security breach was to the novels until very recently with the explanation of where glitchtrap came from and its sooooo ohhhh my goddddd oh my goddddddd (plugging my ears) LAAALALALALALLALA

[emiliosandozsequence]

i said this after i finished it last night, but the creator is so fucking good. g-d i wasn't expecting it to be that good.

[redrosydiaz]

finished the terror show! and i gotta say — probably not a surprise but — i liked the book better. tbh i don't think the show was long enough. like the book was SO long and despite the slow moving pace it had SO much packed into it, and i think because the show was only 10 episodes it ended up having to smush a bunch of things together and skip out of others and that totally took away from it. don't get me wrong, it's a decent show! but i think it had the potential to be even better if they'd gotten to like, take the time to faithfully adapt the book.

also there was not enough tuunbaq!!!

[undyinglantern]

now that i caught up w all of bleach idk if i should go back to watching anime regularly again or keep watching other shows instead

[vulchak]

Alright I'm gonna watch the travesty that is the live action httyd. So I'm taking notes like for Lilo and Stitch, and I have the original script, and the original movie pulled up, just to be sure I'm not forgetting anything despite the original httyd being seared into my retinas since age 10

TL;DR written post-watch cause this became like 2,000 words, It's bad, it's horrendous. Pretty much everyone is slightly to horribly out of character, they're all mean and/or stupid. It's mostly the same movie, but every change is for the worse, and everything that's stayed the same is acted and directed MUCH worse.

Berk isn't their home anymore it's just some random island close to the nest, the Red Death isn't fireproof, they still fire into her mouth but there's no reason for it now unless you've seen the original, Astrid is emotionless through the whole thing, none of her anger, passion or any other emotion is here.

Toothless and the other dragons are much less intelligent. The CGI looks like a mobile game ad most of the time. Overall, not a single good thing here, don't bother watching it, let alone giving it money. Go watch the original, or read the books and ignore this fucking insult to animation and to How to train your dragon.

Right off the bat:

"This, is Berk" no the fuck it isn't, that's a moldy pride rock. It's so ugly and, small.

Oh, the sheep isn't even real. What too pussy to use a real sheep? It's a fake one attached to a bell like someone wouldn't notice a real sheep bleating or THE GIANT FUCKING DRAGON TAKING IT. I guess the point was they're keeping the sheep safe from the dragons, then why put out bait? If the dragons don't see sheep they won't attack? Probably? Man idk, it's stupid

The opening monologue too, is just. Soulless. More brief and not an ounce of sarcasm or dry humor. Y'know, a big part of Hiccup's way of speaking

Stoick so far is alright. He's not NEARLY as imposing as his animated counterpart, didn't even recognize him at first. Even with real human proportion limitations, still think they could've done more in the costuming department, at least added some height to him cause rn Hiccup is like, up to his shoulder which just feels wrong

CGI so far looks horrendous, a shot of the dragons setting fire to the village looks like a fucking mobile game ad

Hiccup going to Gobber and that whole little scene is much more clunky here. They've removed basically all the sass and jokes from the scene, from BOTH sides. "They need toothpicks don't they" and "little-er" are gone The latter probably because they knew they severely miscast Hiccup cause this guy doesn't look like the scrawny little loser Hiccup is at the beginning of movie 1

Astrid coming out from smoke instead of walking in front of an explosion is just lame and screams "we didn't have the budget"

And on Astrid, Hiccup going on about how cool she is instead of just the delivery of her name letting us know he has a thing for her, is keeping up the trend of these fuckass remakes really struggling with subtlety and visual storytelling

Alright so Hiccup is a straight up moron now

First of all they're putting WAY too much emphasis on the Astrid thing, it wasn't acknowledged at all until a couple teasing comments from the CHILDREN in the arena, NOT Gobber Second of all, the launcher thing he built. Why the fuck does he firemit twice on purpose, at his fellow vikings? In the original it was an accident, he patted it, the mechanism was too sensitive and fired and hit a viking ON ACCIDENT

All the acting is so incredibly, and I hate using the word but there's no better one I can think of, cringe. It feels like a youtube skit more than a movie

And the delivery is horrible, especially on Gobber. In the original you could tell him and Hiccup were at odds but they still liked each other, Gobber came across as a silly uncle figure, who was still protective, and only became serious when he saw Hiccup was a danger to either himself(running out into a fight he wasn't ready for) or others(accidentally knocking a guy out with his launcher) here, Gobber seems to barely stand Hiccup and Hiccup is no better towards him

Okay just don't tell us the Monstrous Nightmare sets itself on fire, alright, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEN?? (I know because I'm me, but for general audiences it's a weird omission, if I didn't know, I'd assume it was just, accidentally on fire, not something it deliberately did) they didn't bother introducing the rest of the teens either, Hiccup calls them the fire brigade and focuses solely on Astrid, we don't learn the others names till later

The whole dragon attack is so slow and anticlimactc, and this is the last time I'm mentioning Hiccup's delivery, because it's awful. End of story, slow, over-exagerated, not an ounce of the charm and sass Jay Baruchel brought to the role

No talking fishbone rant and Hiccup imitating Stoick. 0/10

So, Berk is no longer their home. BERK IS NOT THEIR HOME. It's just, close to where a "key dragons nest" is… They're setting up for the 3rd movie where they just ditch Berk so it's not a plot hole aren't they? It just, gives so much less weight to everything. They're not defending their generational home they're just, camping out to kill dragons

This was no doubt done to explain the POC vikings, as "the best warriors from all around the world" but. They didn't need to do that. It's a fucking fantasy dragon movie, especially for the background characters, cast whoever you damn well please, you don't need an in-universe explanation that ruins the lore and significance of the main location

The great hall is also tiny and cramped now

Gobber doesn't stay to talk to Stoick, Stoick has to stop him from leaving the hall. Gobber is just an ass here. Fuck this whole movie, bury the script with some C4 and light it up

Okay they mention Valka, by name, that's a good thing, but it's the least I'd expect now that they know exactly where the story is headed

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BRIGHTLY LIT THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST TENSE SCENES IN THE WHOLE STORY AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN TELETUBBIES HILL UP IN HERE

Overzealous, excited teenager "I have slain this mighty beast!" VS generic protag guy "I DID IT!"

The shot of the reveal of Toothless' open eye gives me goosebumps, every single time. The atmosphere, the score, the slow camera movement and angle. None of that is here, it's just, oh, it's open btw here he is

Okay more of every character being meaner for no reason, why did Hiccup start to leave? In the og he immediately went to cut Toothless loose. Here he has to hear a whine then go back. Jackass

And Toothless doesn't pin Hiccup because the CGI characters interacting with the live humans is expensive and hard to pull off. Also GOD he's so SLOW and just. He feels like he shouldn't be able to lift off the ground, all his speed and agility are gone, and BCAUSE of said sluggishness we linger long enough on his tail to SEE IT MISSING HALF OF THE TAIL FIN BEFORE THE ACTUAL REVEAL. FUCK THIS MOVIES' COMPOSITION AND DIRECTION IS ASS

He doesn't even faint, he doesn't even stumble he just kinda. Looks at Toothless flying away, and sighs. He doesn't look like a guy who got attacked by the scariest dragon they've never even seen, he looks like a guy who saw his car getting towed

The conversation between Stoick and Hiccup is alright I guess, just a worse clunkier version of the original with worse delivery, not much more to say

Ooookay, dragon training, dunno what "trial of flame" is, dumb, will be ignoring it. They seem to be cause they call it dragon training half the time, anyway. Banter is OK, however, "daddy pulled some strings" is such a dumb line. Second, Tuffnut sounds so whiny and him and Ruffnut being held back, 4 years, makes them 19-20. That's. A pointless, mildly weird inclusion

They act childish as ever but they're that much older than the other teens. Again, utterly pointless

"Will you stop that?! You big bag of wool." And so, insulting Fishlegs, for his weight, was absolutely necessary apparently? Isn't this supposed to be the modern progressive remake that "fixes" and "improves" aspects of the original??

As far as I remember, Fishlegs was never made fun of for his weight, not in the first move at least. I don't wanna say with certainty without checking. But in this moment he definitely wasn't, and it further makes Gobber just, a jackass in this version

So. Gobber takes Hiccup's axe, emphasizing how important a shield is. Then Hiccup has to awkwardly tap his shield with his hand to make noise while everyone else still has their weapons?? Why??

Yet again I find myself, asking WHY. Why did we need the dragon manual scene to go on for so long just so Hiccup can simp for Astrid some more? So Astrid can further emphasize how Berk isn't their home and they don't care about it? So we can learn Hiccup and Stoick's house, their home, the home they lost Valka in, the home they cherished. Is like the viking white house and if one of them isn't chief they get kicked out?? The fuck is wrong with this movie??

Unsurprisingly the scene of Hiccup reading the manual is short, lame and without a fraction of the atmosphere and creepiness of the original. It's like he's reading a damn instruction manual and skipping to the part he needs to read

Seeing the ships get attacked is pretty neat, alright that one is a plus

They put the hesitation before the nose touch back, good. But forbidden friendship just, doesn't hit the way it does in the original, it's kinda. Boring, didn't make me feel a damn thing

Okay all the "us girls gotta stick together" is so fucking annoying YOU CAN SHOW THEM BEING FRIENDS WITHOUT POINTING IT OUT WITH OVERUSED MODERN TERMS. Show don't tell, dammit

Gothi standing there moving beads is also stupid and pointless, and her design isn't nowhere near as charming as the original(design being casting and costume)

Exchanging dragon nip for dandelions is also stupid

"Who's a good boy??" Ah so Toothless is in fact, a dog now. Good to fucking know. He seems so much less intelligent here as a whole

Test flight is just bad, bad camera work, bad cgi, bad everything. And no Toothless accidentally running Hiccup through fire in the end. Why remove it it was such a fun little gag

If I don't directly mention a scene, assume it's the same, but worse. That's how a majority of them are, same script with minor alterations and worse acting and animation I just don't have anything to say on those

Not faulting Nico Parker, she's doing the best with what she's got, but what she's got is a bad script and bad direction. Because Astrid seems so cold, and emotionless. Seeing the Red Death and saying "what is that" wtih a complteltly nerutral expression, she sounds like she's asking about an ugly shirt her friend is wearing

Also how do you manage to make the northern lights ugly? How is that possible? Beautiful blues teams and purples vs puke green

"Don't get inloved, my dad respects you too much" VS "make sure they don't find Toothless" So this Hiccup cares more about Astrid's reputation, not her, her REPUTATION, than he does about Toothless' life. Got it. SIMP. FAILTHY FUCKING SIMP What have they done to my boy.

Okay there was one neat shot of Hiccup's hand matching Toothless' paw when they're trying to climb up

"ASTRID GET BACK HERE. THAT'S AN ORDER." So, he's concerned about flaunting power and being right, not just, getting a kid out of danger. He's upset they're not listening to him, not that they could get hurt

Fight between Toothless and Hookfang is extended and I guess it's decently cool, but that, and the longer fight between Toothless and Stoick, just makes everything slower and more anticlimactic. The original was quick and snappy, this is just "we're filling time"

"You're not one of us. You're not my son." Cannot BEGIN to compare to "You're not a viking. You're not my son." Seriously the delivery, the line itself, hits nowhere as hard. I guess bringing up Valka is alright but feels a bit forced ngl

WHY DOES TOOTHLESS HAVE A FUCKING AMERICAN FOOTBALL CROTCH GUARD ON HIS FACE LMAO WHAT IS THAT

Alright final battle, mostly the same but worse, HOWEVER, The occupational hazard line was removed, this one and the setup for it earlier

And Stoick, doesn't say "I'm sorry" nor does he tell Hiccup he doesn't have to go. No no he says he was "just trying to protect him" and that whatever happens up there he's proud. He doesn't apologize, he doesn't take accountability for being wrong

They got rid of "not fireproof on the inside" with the terrible terrors, and therefore, no explanation as to how or why Hiccup decided to fire inside the Red Death's mouth. Especially considering SHE'S NOT FIREPROOF. THEY BLEW HOLES IN HER WINGS AND FLEW THROUGH THEM FOR A COOL VISUAL, COMPLETELY FUCKING RUINING THEIR WHOLE LORE

Stoick apologizing and waiting to see Hiccup alive is alright, but they really should've kept it a father son moment, Astrid doesn't need to be there. Also, just he's alive. No "you brought him back alive" he still thanks Toothless later but that line was a nice acknowledgement to what he did

Well, the rest of it, is just the same, but worse. They acknowledge that Stoick and the others rode back on dragons, I guess that makes sense, it's alright

Snotlout has a non-subplot with his dad which was done much better in the show, not much else to say on that

And that was it. The live action How to train your dragon remake. In a word. Soulless. The same but worse. What they do change is for the worse, not a single person aside from Gerard Butler was cast appropriately, nor designed as far as costuming goes, they bend over backwards justifying the changes they've made and the movie is much worse for it

Every single character is also, meaner for some reason. Only Fishlegs is about the same but more whiny somehow. It's just. Bad, no other way to say it, it's bad. Gobber is the worst offender, he's an asshole to Hiccup, to the other kids, everyone. Hiccup is also so unlikeable and a genetic protagonist with bad delivery. By the end I couldn't give less of a shit if he made it or not cause he was annoying more than anything

Toothless is significantly less intelligent, agile and cool than in the original. Same goes for all the dragons honestly. Trash heap with bad cgi, bad acting and a bad script. I'll be happy when it's forgotten. And I hope the sequel gets canceled, but general audiences will make this at least an 800mil movie so that probably won't happen

[creedslove]

COZY SUNDAY EVENINGS WITH JOEL 🍓 - HEADCANONS

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: I missed pedro so much 😭

Joel works so hard during the week that it's almost impossible to get him out of the house on Sundays, unless there's something important he can't skip, such as someone's birthday or a family lunch, but even then, he's definitely home by 6 pm and that's because he loves the cozy time he spends with you

Sundays are so peaceful, especially after dark, when there's no one in the house but you and him, no Sarah around, no Tommy eating his stuff and drinking his beer, just you, his lovely soon-to-be wife - which still makes you squirm when he calls you that

Joel likes awful movies, he's such a dad™ at this matter, he's just crazy about action without a plot, fast cars, explosions, bad CGI of gigantic animals eating people and destroying things, all it takes for him to be mesmerized is a bad acting and free violence in movies and yet, you agree to watch that with him, how much you love your handsome Joel

But he knows you aren't into his kind of movie and being the loving boyfriend he is, he also agrees to watch whatever you like, no matter if it's a chick flick, or a questionable reality show or a boring documentary, he's gonna be there for you

And of course in the meantime, you'll be snuggled up on the couch, sharing the same blanket - unless it's boiling hot outside

But the important part is that Joel loves to be touching you, he enjoys when you lie your head on his lap, the way his fingers run through your hair, or he just gives you foot rubs, with his big, calloused hands gently massaging your feet, it makes your heart warm

And you also love helping him relax, mostly massaging his back, or his shoulder, or just playing with his graying hair, the way you scratch his scalp makes him so sleepy, it's actually sweet

But sometimes you don't spend time in front of the tv, sometimes you just go to bed, lying next to each other, with the house dark and silently and napping together feels good, Joel's the kind of person to turn on the fan and cover himself up with a blanket and though you thought it was odd at first, now you got used to it

And you love how easily he falls asleep and how he looks for you in his slumber, his arm always reaches for you, and the warmth you feel makes your heart melt, the sense of protection and love always increases

When the weather is too hot, Joel takes you to the backyard for an evening swim in the pool, it's just refreshing and so cozy to see him relaxed and cheerful like a child. It's a sight of Joel not many people see, but it's certainly one of your favorites

Most of the time, during your cozy sunday evenings, you and Joel get intimate; sometimes it's romantic and the two of you make love, sometimes it's kinky and you fuck until you're both exhausted

And sometimes nothing happens at all, it depends on how tiring the day was, if either of you ended up falling asleep first or if you had no time, but it doesn't matter, because you both love each other and you know you'll always have monday morning to compensate

And that's why Joel often goes to work late on Mondays 🤭

_____

[avoicebehindthestars]

About bootlegging Good Omens...

I don't have the ranges to reach a lot of people, but I'm going to say this nonetheless.

If you feel like you can't bare anything that NG has ever created, you don't want to hear about Good Omens, Sandman, Coraline etc. ever again, that's perfectly fine and a decision to be respected. Quite frankly, I've found myself feeling uneasy while I tried to read Sandman recently because I can't stop perceiving it through what I found out about the author. Hell, even the sex scene in Stardust doesn't sit right with me anymore...

BUT

If you are still a fan of any of Neil's ongoing franchise (GO, Sandman, DBD, Anansi Boys) and choosing to bootleg them just to "punish" him - think again. Neil's current net worth is $18M. Even if he doesn't ever earn another penny, he can spend up to $0.5M a year and live to be nearly a hundred without a care in the world.

What you'll actually be doing is informing the streaming networks (Prime and Netflix) that Neil's franchise isn't worth investing in anymore. And, as a result, you guessed it - the shows you still love WILL get CANCELLED. Make no mistake, just because Prime has greenlit Good Omens s3 doesn't mean that can't pull out on a whim.

Neil hates showrunning, he said as much himself. He's only persevering on Good Omens because he'd made a promise to Pratchett. So let me say it again: by bootlegging, you won't be punishing Neil. You'll be punishing YOURSELVES by literally telling the networks to cancel the show, because they won't get any money out of it. Or, if not cancel - limit the investment, as they did with GO s2, which will result in shorter episodes (in case of GO right now we're looking at 6x45m... would you rather get 6x30m instead?), fewer extras, lower budget on CGI and sets, and overall poorer quality.

In other words - you'll be cutting multiple artists' income. I'm not talking about top-tier actors like MS or DT - they'll do all right either way (although MS will mostly likely be heartbroken, as we know how much he loves Good Omens). I'm talking about all the extras and less known actors who perform minor roles! I'm talking about everyone involved in the production - in making of the sets, in creating the special effects, hell, in carrying equipment and pouring coffee! Those are the people you'll be punishing.

Seriously, aside from his promise to Terry, I'm convinced Neil couldn't care less. Otherwise why would he be so adamant about wrapping it up in just 3 seasons when it's winning distinction after distinction?

Last but not least, watching Good Omens legally and buying franchise doesn't harm the victims. If Neil really committed the atrocities he's accussed of, he'll be punished by the court! Punishing Neil isn't your responsibility!

So before you make a decision, please remember:

if the show you bootleg is cancelled as a result, you will have punished: yourself, the fandom, all the artists and people involved in the production

punishing Neil is NOT your responsibility

wanting the networks to continue the franchise you like doesn't harm the victims

[thankskenpenders]

The Knuckles show

The announcement of a live action Knuckles streaming miniseries was surprising, to say the least. I mean, what would such a show even be about in a version of the Sonic universe with no Angel Island and barely any characters from the games around? Is he gonna go treasure hunting with the gang from Montana or something? Would a streaming miniseries have the CGI budget to squeeze in any new game characters, even briefly? Rouge? Amy? At least one member of Team Chaotix? Anyone?

Now the show is finally out, and it turns out what they actually made was a comedy show about bumbling deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, the minor comic relief character played by Adam Pally who you might not even remember all that well from the first two movies, with Knuckles as his sidekick. While, yes, Knuckles does get a decent amount of screentime and opportunities to punch bad guys and do cool moves from the games, large stretches of this show focus on Wade's personal life, to the point that a couple times I almost forgot I was watching a Sonic-related show. If you're judging it purely by the metric of how well it adapts and engages with its source material, this surely must be one of the worst adaptations the Sonic franchise has ever seen.

So then, despite some huge complaints... why do I kinda like it?

(This will contain full spoilers for the Knuckles show.)

A brief summary of what the show is actually about because I know half of you aren't going to watch it

The show picks up not too long after the end of the second movie. Knuckles is now living in Montana with Sonic, Tails, and the Wachowskis out of a sense of debt to them, though he doesn't really see it as his home. He doesn't feel like he belongs on Earth, and his life currently lacks direction. After communing with the ghost of Pachacamac, though, Knuckles is instructed to keep his culture alive by teaching "the ways of the echidna warrior" to a new apprentice: deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, who's currently more concerned about winning a bowling tournament in Reno than anything else.

Things are complicated by the interference of two rogue GUN agents - Agent Willoughby, played by Ellie Taylor in a bad wig, and Agent Mason, played by Kid Cudi. (Yes, the artist behind the second movie's credits song is one of the bad guys in this.) They want to steal Knuckles' power and sell it to a former associate of Robotnik's played by Rory McCann (The Hound from Game of Thrones), who now works as a black market arms dealer. Yes, they're still doing the thing where Sonic and friends' quills radiate some kind of super-energy that the bad guys all want. No, I don't particularly love this element of the Paramount Sonic continuity. Anyway, they go after Knuckles and Wade, complicating their straightforward road trip to Reno. Antics ensue.

The Wade show

So here's the thing. While the first episode focuses largely on Knuckles, the entire rest of the show is very much the story of Wade, and by extension the other original human characters invented for this miniseries.

Episode 2 is about Wade having to rescue Knuckles from captivity after the GUN agents get him. Knuckles spends most of the episode in a cage.

Episode 3 is about introducing Wade's Jewish family, including his slightly overbearing mother and weird sister, so that Knuckles can learn about their family traditions and have Shabbat dinner with them (and then save them from bounty hunters that the GUN agents hired).

Episode 4 only features Knuckles at the very beginning and very end of the episode, probably for less than a minute total. Wade is captured by a bounty hunter he personally knows, and Knuckles decides to let that be a trial for Wade to overcome on his own.

The last two episodes feature the climactic showdowns with the GUN agents and their arms-dealing ally, who comes in with a mech for the obligatory final boss fight. You'd think this would be Knuckles' time to shine, but really, these episodes are mostly about the bowling tournament in Reno where Wade encounters his estranged father, wrapping up his own personal arc. While Knuckles does get some fights, a lot of the finale is spent on lengthy bowling scenes where Knuckles isn't in the room or even mentioned. It frequently feels more like a spiritual successor to '00s sports comedy movies like Dodgeball, Talladega Nights, or Blades of Glory than it does a part of the Sonic franchise, and the presence of ESPN 8: The Ocho commentary in the finale only drives those Dodgeball comparisons home. They get so immersed in the bowling stuff that it's genuinely hilarious when the show suddenly pivots and remembers "oh shit we still need to do the final boss fight"

Throughout all this, Wade is the protagonist. He's the character we spend more time with, he's the character who drives most of the major events, he's the character who gets more of an arc. The emotional core is Wade's journey. Knuckles is still present - sometimes, at least - but he's there as Wade's wingman, and also just as the excuse for there to be some fight scenes.

How much Sonic stuff is actually in this show?

Honestly? Not much.

Sonic and Tails are only in the first episode. Sonic gets some good scenes, but Tails gets a grand total of five lines. I counted. Unsurprisingly, Jim Carrey is absent as Robotnik, though he does get mentioned a fair bit. (For that matter, basically the entire established human cast beyond Wade is absent, even including Tom, though Maddie is there in episode one.)

GUN is involved in the story, which helps it feel slightly more connected to Sonic, but it kind of feels like it's GUN in name only. They don't use any recognizable GUN tech, and they don't call in the military. It's just two agents in suits. They might as well be the Men in Black.

The Master Emerald is mentioned as something Knuckles has to guard, but it's never seen. Angel Island is pictured as a drawing during the show's intro, appearing exactly how it does in Sonic 3, but it's never referenced at all beyond that.

I guess the climax taking place in and around a Reno casino is a reference to Sonic's many casino-themed levels. That's something. I'll give them that.

Oh, and if you're wondering if this is the point where we finally start to get actual music from the games: no, it's not. The soundtrack consists of a lot of '80s needle drops, many of which are generic Hollywood picks like "Holding Out for a Hero" for the billionth time, thought it at least has some slightly less obvious picks than the Mario movie. The theme song is '80s rock song "The Warrior" by Scandal. You'll hear it many times. You'll hear the Adventure era Knuckles raps zero times in this. You'll briefly hear classic A Tribe Called Quest song "Can I Kick It?" before Knuckles takes the question too literally and breaks the radio in Wade's car.

Beyond a handful of surface level references for nerds (one of which is admittedly wild - we'll get to that), this is probably the least an officially licensed adaptation of Sonic the Hedgehog has ever tried to actually engage with its source material. I struggle to think of another Sonic adaptation that has less to do with Sonic. For as much shit as I and countless others have given Penders for seemingly ignoring the content of the games in favor of building his own convoluted mythos, his Knuckles comics honestly included way more elements from the games than this show does.

Somehow, the one new(-ish) Sonic character introduced in this is the ghost of Pachacamac of all characters. Not even Tikal! Pachacamac! A very minor character nobody has particularly strong feelings about! You can't even use the excuse that they already had the character model, because they completely redesigned him compared to his cameo in the first movie to better match his Sonic Adventure design. And he's voiced by Christopher Lloyd! Honestly, so many of his lines are strained that it sounds like he's on death's door here, but then he'll surprise you with a more casual line like "just do it, man" and it catches me so off guard that I can't help but laugh.

Pachacamac here has basically nothing to do with the game character he takes his name and appearance from. Where the game character was a cruel warlord who kicked off a 3000 year cycle of violence, Paramount Pachacamac is now just this chill old man who gives Knuckles (and later Wade) advice in two episodes of the show. Hell, he also feels completely disconnected from his established role in the movies, where he's literally the guy who shot Longclaw. The show will not grapple with this contradiction at all. He's just here to be a thing fans like me will recognize from the games. Again, if that's all they wanted, it's kind of baffling that they didn't just use Tikal.

I don't love Knuckles in this

But what about Knuckles himself? Well, he doesn't feel all that much like Knuckles to me. Ironically, he sometimes feels like one of the weaker elements in his own show.

Back when the second movie came out, I noted that Knuckles' characterization seemed to be pulling heavily from MCU Thor as a gallant warrior from an archaic alien culture who doesn't really understand modern day Earth stuff. That worked for me in that movie. It was just there for spice. Just a little extra flavor for the character in what was otherwise a very faithful adaptation of Knuckles' storyline in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Without those familiar elements grounding him and with a much higher reliance on comedy, Idris Elba's Knuckles becomes a pretty one-note character in this.

In damn near every scene with Knuckles, he's going to say something about being a proud, honorable echidna warrior, or brag about his glorious feats of strength, or be confused about some Earth thing and call it sorcery, or act like every other character is also a member of some noble warrior clan. He still has his moments for sure, but this schtick kinda gets old fast, and it just doesn't feel like Knuckles to me. His entire character feels derived from the scene in the diner where Thor smashes the cup on the ground and goes "Another!" Sure, I can picture game Knuckles smashing a radio to turn it off and being a little too gung-ho about busting holes through walls. That's Knuckles behavior. But building a barbarian combat pit in the living room so the Wachowski family dog can fight the mailman? Nope. That's some other guy now. It really does just feel like them taking a broad character archetype from something popular that kinda sorta fits Knuckles and just running with that, rather than trying to actually adapt the character.

Oh, but don't worry, he wears the OVA hat for like two minutes! AND he loves grapes! See, Sonic nerds? We read the wiki! That's his favorite food! Grapes! This is gonna come up like five times!

Knuckles kind of gets an arc here, but not as much as Wade does. I think the stuff about him starting to feel at home on Earth thanks to Wade's mom and the way he connects with their Jewish family traditions is oddly sweet. This arc is kind of let down, though, by the fact that Knuckles' heritage is treated as a complete joke. He's a cartoonish pastiche of various historical warrior cultures stuck together in a blender and used mostly for comedic effect. When Pachacamac's ghost appears, he's reading a newspaper and bemoaning the fact that the Mets lost again. This is not the place for a serious examination of Knuckles' feelings on being the last of his kind.

This is far from the only time the show undercuts itself with its jokes and attempts at self-parody. In the first episode, for instance, Knuckles clashes with GUN Agent Mason and his tech-enhanced punches, leading to an extremely on-the-nose inversion of the "Do I look like I need your power?" scene showcased in the trailer for the second movie. Except this time, Agent Willoughby butts in and points out how stupid that line is in this new context, since they're literally trying to steal Knuckles' power. The fight can't just be cool, they have to get cute with it. A lot of stuff like that happens in this show.

Given all these complaints, the first two episodes left me thinking I'd be fairly negative on this show overall. This seemed like the version of the show from the fandom's collective nightmares, one that undoes all of the progress the movie series seemed to have been making towards faithfulness to the games. Like, just look at these cast posters. Is this what you want out of Sonic? Do these excite you?

But then, something strange happened. Over time, I just kind of let the jokes and shenanigans wash over me and basked in how fucking weird this show is.

And I started to actually enjoy it.

Look. The Wade & Knuckles Show was never going to be peak Sonic. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it can't be entertaining.

This show is so fucking goofy

Here's the thing.

The show is funny.

Unlike a lot of other people, I didn't hate all the wedding stuff in Hawaii in Sonic 2, because I thought a lot of it was funny, both in its actual jokes and in the ways in which they tied everything back to Sonic. Tom looking wistfully at some bodybuilders doing Top Gun shit and spraying each other with beer and being like "I wish Sonic had that" is weirdly funny. The twist that those muscle bros are all agents of the newly formed GUN, who orchestrated the wedding as an elaborate scheme to catch Sonic, is funny. Mr. Olive Garden becoming the fucking GUN Commander is VERY funny. Are any of these elements of my dream Sonic movie? No, of course not. But my dream Sonic movie was never gonna happen in live action.

The Knuckles show follows up on the comedy of the previous films by being probably the funniest live action Sonic release yet. Did every joke land for me? God no. There are some stinkers in there that made me roll my eyes. But enough of them landed that it worked out for me overall. A big part of this is the fact that they've got a good cast of actors and/or comedians here.

Adam Pally is funny as Wade, and I found myself liking him more and more as a character as the show went on. He becomes an oddly endearing loser, with some sweet moments in his personal arc that made me feel for the guy. I like Wade more than Tom now, thanks to this show. I will now be happier to see Wade in Sonic 3 than I would have been previously.

The supporting cast is frequently great, too, many of whom are playing completely cartoonish, over-the-top characters. They took a cue from how exaggerated Carrey's performance was as Robotnik and decided to just abandon all pretense that this is the real world. Stockard Channing as Wade's mom is funny, and carries some of the more sincere parts of the show. Cary Elwes as Wade's very British dad who abandoned him as a child to run off and be the world's most egotistical professional bowler is funny. Edi Patterson as Wade's sister Wanda is... well, she's kinda trying too hard, but she has her moments. The Mighty Boosh co-creator Julian Barratt(!!) as a scenery-chewing bounty hunter, who was also somehow Wade's former best friend and bowling partner, is VERY funny. I love this guy.

(Honestly, they should let more people who were on Garth Marenghi's Darkplace be in Sonic stuff. Where's Matt Berry)

This is kind of a stacked cast for a bunch of stupid side characters in a live action Knuckles show! And honestly, that just makes it funnier to me. Even when they're not funny, the fact that this exists makes it funny. They somehow convinced Paramount to give them a bunch of money to make a spiritual successor to Dodgeball about a schlubby guy who wants to beat his dad at a bowling tournament... except also Knuckles the fucking Echidna is there as his personal life coach. My life is richer for the fact that I can say that sentence. I think about all the little kids who are probably watching this show this weekend, going in expecting a show about Knuckles the Echidna and having to sit through extensive bowling scenes and lore about Wade's family, and sorry kids, but I just have to laugh. Wade isn't even on the poster! The poster is just a picture of Knuckles!! They punked those kids!!!

In a franchise where every single aspect is so carefully micromanaged these days, it feels truly special to get an adaptation this bonkers. It frequently appeals to the same part of me that enjoys the fact that there's an officially licensed Knuckles comic in which Charmy Bee's best friend (also a bee) dies of an accidental LSD overdose from a drug-laced chili dog. Or like, everything about the original 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie. Or the fact that they made seven direct-to-DVD sequels to Alpha and Omega, one of which is half a retread of the adventure from the first movie (with more annoying supporting characters in tow this time) and half a literal clip show of the first movie. The sheer absurdity of the fact that these things exist is charming to me. Except, with the Knuckles show, it has the added benefit of frequently being funny on purpose! This is why I'm not sure I'd call it "so bad it's good." Like, it's not amazing, but there were a lot of parts that I enjoyed in the exact way I was supposed to enjoy them.

Look. Here's a list of real lines of dialogue from the Sega-approved Knuckles the Echidna streaming show that they're billing as a pillar of the Paramount+ lineup, to drive this point home. Let these marinate for a minute:

"I only eat grapes, and Cool Ranch Doritos™."

"Annihilate this little girl, Wade. Crush her spirit. Humiliate her so badly her parents won't even look at her again." "Doesn't that seem like we're going a bit far?" "Not far enough."

"So is he Jewish?" "Half, I think."

"I had a friend who when he listened to Alien Ant Farm he could lift a Toyota Corolla over his head."

"I'm in dire financial straits. Due to my lawsuit against an unnamed rainforest-themed restaurant franchise, I don't have two pennies to my name."

"We're here in sunny Reno, Nevada, which is so close to Hell you can smell the sparks."

"You can't threaten me with your Jewish karate chops because I am a federal agent."

"I will say, regardless of how you feel about child abandonment - and I'm against it! - the deals at TJ Maxx can't be beat."

This is a Sonic show in which they got Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel to appear as ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators.

This is a show where Wade's mom insists upon pronouncing "Knuckles" with the throaty Hebrew "ch" sound, and declares that Knuckles is basically Jewish. Later, they watch Pretty Woman together while enjoying a nice slice of key lime pie. Knuckles comments: "I don't understand. This young streetwalker with a heart made of gold, why do the others treat her with such disdain? Is it so wrong to walk the streets?"

This is a show where the fourth episode is directed by one of the guys from The Lonely Island and features a hallucinatory low budget rock opera stage musical put on by the ghost of Pachacamac. It recounts Knuckles' life story, with Wade playing Knuckles and the "evil" Longclaw played by the bounty hunter guy who's played by the Mighty Boosh guy.

Look at this.

And also, Knuckles' singing voice is provided by Michael Bolton, which they proudly announce in the middle of the musical.

And also...

Also...???

IBLIS IS IN IT????????????

Yes, Iblis!

From Sonic '06!!

Knuckles is said to have looked for a mythical power called the "Flames of Disaster" to avenge his clan, which ended up being the power that was within him all along that lets him do fire punches yadda yadda yadda. As part of this, he apparently fought Iblis off-screen at some point, as conveyed with the giant singing papier-mâché Iblis in the musical.

...Then Iblis sings about hitting up Facebook Marketplace

How? How does any of this exist? Why reference '06 of all games? How did Iblis get into the live action Sonic movie universe before Amy and Metal Sonic? Why are they using Iblis and the term "Flames of Disaster" in such a goofy way that completely disregards their original context?

I don't know. I don't know how any of this happened. But I love it. We got a Knuckles miniseries in which Michael Bolton sings the phrase "the Flames of Disaster." The world is a beautiful place sometimes.

Some people will tell you to skip episode four. "Knuckles is barely even in it," they say. "It's dumb and pointless," they say. "They clearly just ran out of special effects budget," they say. These are people whose opinions you should disregard. The episode with the least Knuckles in it is somehow the most entertaining episode of the show. I would, in fact, go as far as to say that if you only decide to watch one episode of the Knuckles show to see what goofy bullshit they get up to, it should be this one.

I cannot be mad at this show. It's so dumb, but it completely owns the fact that it's a dumb and unnecessary spinoff. Inferiority is baked into its very DNA. It's very self-consciously redoing the premise of the first movie, but stupider. It's about The Other Cop from the movies, instead of the competent one. Instead of being into a "cooler" sport, his life revolves around professional bowling. Instead of going to Vegas, he goes to Reno. Even his tragic backstory that shaped his entire life sucks. He was abandoned by his pro bowler dad in a TJ Maxx. Not even a nicer department store. A fucking TJ Maxx. This whole show is a Dril tweet.

They put a ton of effort into making it dumb in an occasionally spectacular way. So much effort was put into that joke rock opera that fans will just write off as stupid filler. They put their whole pussies into it. This is not a poorly made show. This has better production values than half the shit made for Disney+. This was made with love. Maybe not as much love for the Sonic the Hedgehog series of video games as we'd like, but it's love nonetheless.

Maybe this show broke me and these are the ramblings of a madwoman. Maybe I'm just really nostalgic for the '90s and '00s comedy movies all the Wade stuff is modeled after. Maybe the Alan Wake fan in me just really loves it when a story pivots to a silly rock opera for no real reason. I won't discount any of these possibilities. This isn't high art. This isn't something I would recommend to anyone with zero interest in Sonic, and it also isn't going to sway Sonic fans who hate the Paramount universe. I really can't blame them for being bewildered by this show. But for a specific type of person, this is the absurd three-star Sonic-adjacent comedy miniseries of your dreams. It's a mid masterpiece.

Again, I just have to step back, realize the fact that this shouldn't exist, and smile. Sega's too afraid to do stupid bullshit with the franchise like this these days. And I can't blame them, after years of Sonic being a treated as a laughingstock. But part of me misses some of the goofy shit. No matter how much I tore some of the Archie comics apart as I was reading them for this blog, I just look back on stuff like Cal and Al or the Many Hands issues and laugh. And that same part of me looks at this show about Knuckles being the sidekick to this fucking guy, and just goes...

"We're so back."

In conclusion, I genuinely think this was a more enjoyable TV show than Sonic Prime.

I wouldn't go back and rewatch Sonic Prime anytime soon, aside from maybe, like, a couple of the Shadow-heavy episodes. Huge stretches of that show bored me to tears. The writers squandered all of that show's potential. But I would rewatch the Knuckles show, which takes a terrible premise and has a lot of fun with it, in a heartbeat. Even the bowling parts. The bowling scenes in the Knuckles show are more engaging than 70% of the fights in Sonic Prime. I am not trolling. I mean that sincerely, with all my heart. Don't @ me.

Stray observations

There is effectively zero meaningful setup for the third movie in this, unless Wade's family or the two GUN agents come back or something. Project Shadow is not mentioned in this. There is no secret post-credits scene with Gerald

The CGI in this is pretty good. Not quite on par with the movies, but pretty good. Sonic's weird forehead wrinkles are distracting in his scenes though. Please fix that

I wouldn't say I liked this as much as the second movie, which obviously gets a ton of points for, you know. The Cool Sonic Shit. But I had more fun with it than the first movie, which I still feel is a painfully generic family movie that was only saved by Tyson's redesign

"Grapes are an interesting choice for someone who doesn't use his individual fingers."

Agent Willoughby was apparently the one at GUN who had to buy the Olive Garden gift cards and set up the fake wedding. Her origin story is that she hated doing shit like that and wanted to go fight aliens

This miniseries contains another Keanu namedrop because Wade's childhood bedroom has a Speed poster on the wall. I swear, if Sonic doesn't say Shadow sounds just like Keanu...

Knuckles is familiar with Paul Blart Mall Cop

Near the end the ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators say that the 1974 Reno bowling championship was also interrupted by an extraterrestrial, and given that was exactly 50 years ago I can't write off the possibility that that was Shadow. Please for the love of god give us a sequel series after the third movie where Wade takes Shadow the Hedgehog bowling. I need this more than I need air

[finalgirlminamurray]

i know people who are into horror talk about this all the time but the experience of being a kid and reading descriptions of and seeing ads for horror movies without actually being able to watch them and imagining what the film must be like in your head is truly unmatched. i think for a lot of us we're always going to be subconsciously chasing the high of what we imagined those super scary movies for grown-ups to be based on what little we knew about them, no matter how good or effective the actual movies turn out to be once we finally get a chance to watch them

i remember when i was 10 and insidious had just come out and i was reading a review of it in entertainment weekly (a magazine my parents got but allowed me to read and i felt very sophisticated reading discussions of adult media i would rarely even have an interest in watching myself) and they made it sound soooo cool and scary and exciting and i was like i HAVE to see this movie. not now of course because it's rated r and i am a mere child who should not be watching such things. but when i'm old enough (it's not even r it's pg-13). i built this movie up for myself so much based on a brief review that only mentioned a few of the scary things in it. anyway then like 9 years later i see insidious is on netflix and i'm like oh hey it's that movie i really wanted to see when i was 10. i guess i'm old enough now. and i watched it and it was fine. like it was alright, pretty decent as far as 2010s haunted house movies go. it might not have helped that i'd recently watched poltergeist for the first time and my impression of insidious was largely "this is just poltergeist but not as good", but it was okay. nothing like what i'd imagined as a kid though

i only have dim memories of our local blockbuster being open (it closed down around the same time, when i was maybe 10-11 years old) but i still got to have the formative experience of being very young and wandering into the r-rated section and pulling out dvd covers to marvel at the imagery. at the time it was probably mostly shitty cgi-laden 2000s horror but not like that mattered, it was still my introduction to movie covers that evoke a terrifying experience that is probably much better than the actual movie. (could not tell you any specifics, i was really little.) similarly, though, another ew issue i saw as a kid had some retrospective of various creature features (maybe for a jaws anniversary?) and i was googling all these very evocative posters and delighting myself with the imagined horrors within based on the brief plot summary you'd get from the first part of the wikipedia article, and it was for like. lake placid and deep blue sea

of course i like being able to actually watch whatever i want now, but i do sometimes miss those days of allowing movie marketing to work on me.

[the-desolated-quill]

Okay, so it hasn’t even been a day and already we’ve got people complaining about the new Predator (fun fact. It’s the same people that complained about a female protagonist in Prey. You know? The one that turned out to be the best film since the original and resurrected the entire franchise? Maybe, just maybe, those people don’t actually know what the fuck they’re talking about. Just a thought)

The main bulk of the criticism seems to be that they’ve used CGI for the Predator’s face instead of animatronics like in the previous films. Here’s the thing. It’s currently April. The film doesn’t come out until November. That’s another seven months. Do you honestly think the film crew just call it a day as soon as the trailer comes out? Of course not. Post production is still ongoing. There’s plenty of time to clean things up and improve on the CGI.

Also Dan Trachtenberg has already talked about this in interviews. They tried using animatronics in screen tests for this film and it simply didn’t work because the role the Predator plays in this film requires a different kind of performance than in previous films. Look, I love practical effects as much as the next film nerd, and the Predator franchise has some of the best animatronics and creature designs ever, but when it comes to Badlands, I think we’ve finally hit a wall. There’s just no way of conveying subtle emotions or realistic facial expressions using animatronics. It’s too limiting and restrictive. Even in Prey they used minimal CGI to enhance the Predator’s face, so this isn’t exactly new. And it’s worth reminding everyone that, judging by the trailer, they’re still relying mostly on practical effects. They’re using actual locations, physical sets and props. The actor playing the Predator is still wearing the prosthetics and the dreadlocks and everything. The only thing about the Predator that’s CGI is literally the face. It’s also why the design is slightly different. Having the dreadlocks tied back and the lack of a crest gives the VFX crew a cleaner plate to work with when animating the face and reading the actor’s performance motion capture. Also it’s a perfect excuse to give each Predator their own distinct look, so they’re not all identical. Humans don’t all look the same. Why should the Predators?

So can we all just chill out and fucking relax? It’s Dan Trachtenberg. The man behind Prey and 10 Cloverfield Lane. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.

[bodegadulac]

This is the Bob post

I will talk about Bob. But Bob is a fucking walking spoiler. So yeah.

Spoilers under the cut. Also trigger warning for mentions of depression and suicide.

Man, Bob is such a good character. Easily top 5 superman analogues to me.

A bipolar self destructive methhead with the power of a god. Or to me, a more compeling Homelander. A cookie cutter corporate superhero gone rogue.

You can tell from the start that Bob isn't okay, and that Yelena's advice just makes it worse. Making him repress the void. The same thing that she is doing and that hurts her in the process.

I like that we see concept art of them trying to make Sentry and just how corporate and souless the whole thing is. They even bleached my boy's hair to make him more marketeable.

I do think that they rushed his normal guy > god complex > self destructive pipeline.

But i do think i prefer the void as Bob's worse tendencies, his depresion and suicidal toughts more than the void as this pure ontologically evil counterpart. Somehow feels more tactful.

Small aside before i go fully into analysing the void: the CGI was great, the void as this hole in the screen with two white dots is both chilling and very fucking cool, the voiding effect is iconic and seeing new york be plunged into darkness was cool as shit.

But well, the Void. Bob's self loathing, his depresion, his suicidal toughts (like him running to sacrifice himself and just proposing the idea 3 times in 5 minutes) and his emotional "darkness" made manifest.

I love that they couldn't punch it to win. Even before they go into the void the third act is them mostly trying to save as many civillians as possible because the thunderbolts* are outgunned.

When the Void voids people it sticks them in their worst memories over and over again. But Bob's also stuck like that.

They can't save Bob from the outside, they have to help him from the inside. They have to confront their own worst moments to even reach Bob and then they have to help Bob through his worst trauma to reach the Void.

Bob punches the Void, and i tought "are they going to punch depression to death???" And even before the movie said it it hit me. Thats what the void wants. He is Bob's self destructive tendencies, pf course he wants Bob to kill him. Because killing the Void means killing Bob.

I heard people complain about a hug saving the day... but like, it's a movie about people helping each other to step out of their personal voids. They save the day by helping Bob out of his very literal Void.

To me Bob is both a great character and the embodiment of the Thunderbolts*' themes

I hope Bob gets better and the rest of the MCU writes him well. I heard a rumor thay Bob will be the molecule man analogue for doomsday so thats that.

[sapphire-weapon]

I also want to draw attention to this:

When I said that the reason why Leon is in every CGI thing is because no one would watch that shit without him, I wasn't kidding. Leon isn't "overused." He's actually probably not used enough.

There's a gulf of 14,000 votes between him and the #2 most loved character. It's not even close. He's in a completely separate universe when it comes to his fandom. Capcom has every reason in the world to want to keep Leon's fans happy and give them whatever they ask for.

And there's a gulf of 20,000 votes between him and Ada.

People love Leon despite his "romance" with Ada, not because of it. She's not what actual players of this series find interesting or compelling about him. Her presence is tolerated (mostly because she's hot) but not necessary.

These numbers are a good view of the fan ratios at play. Aeon fans probably only make up about 8-10% of Leon fans.

This is why Capcom peeled the fuck off of the aeon track after RE6 and hasn't looked back.

After RE6's catastrophic reception, RE players said "fuck you, you turned Leon into a simp and a pussy" and Capcom went "I hear you, core fanbase that pays our investors." And so RE2make kneecapped their romance to the point of Leon telling Ada to fuck off in RE4make. And Ada hasn't been seen back in the OG timeline since.

And as you can see from the numbers, no one misses her. Not just these numbers, even. Take a look at the sales for RE2make and RE4make. RE4make would have won GOTY if not for BG3. Killing aeon is one of the best decisions Capcom has ever made for the series. The players would rather have another Leon and Claire game before another Leon and Ada game.

This is probably why Claire is the one who keeps appearing with Leon in these CGI projects. She's in 3 of 5 with him -- more than any other character.

But more than that, the players would rather have a Leon and Jill game.

And that's exactly what we're getting in RE9.

Does this series make a little more sense now? Is it starting to click? Do you understand why I say the things I say? I'm not speaking from personal desire. I'm using actual data and evidence when I say shit.

Capcom isn't out of touch with the fandom. The fandom is out of touch with Capcom.