#even meds didn't help me

[moonkhao]

hi.

[fist-of-vengeance]

hyperspecific headcanon of the day: john locke seems like the type of guy to be prescribed antidepressants, reluctantly start taking them, feel better, then immediately abandon his meds because he "doesn't need them anymore." and then be SHOCKED when that has consequences

[hamartia-grander]

so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.

[neverendingford]

skyglow:

(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)

[papermonkeyism]

sorry for being active

logical... i think I'm annoying you too much /especially with my bad English/, and if you don't want to answer, that'll be fine ^^` in any case, thanks for your attention! i'm probably overthinking this, but...

the last question was, what is Crippled (and the others for that matter) afraid of? I understand that all the hounds lived in a pretty terrible place, but what about simple, almost human things like darkness and loneliness? Surama seems quite fearless to me, despite her dislike of the dark, unlike her brother (okay, he's just quite active), and Iacar is reliving the past. of course, they worry about each other, I think, but... hey, admit it, who is afraid of thunderstorms? :)

sorrysorrysorry ^^`

English isn't my first language either (terveisiä Suomesta). It's just that I'm wary.

I do not currently live in a creative enough environment nor life situation where I can reasonably sacrifice several days out of my week into such a demanding creative work, alone, without burning out.

And every time I so much as casually mention Wurr online, there's usually at least one person who'll come and let me know how tragic it is that I've "decided" to "abandon" my "great story and characters". (Or, in one case, how irrelevant and pathetic I am as a failure of a person. Fuck that one, though.)

Like, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown because of health and livelihood issues back in last spring that I'm still occasionally dealing with (one's systolic blood pressure is definetely not supposed to stay over 190 for long), and I just don't want to be dealing with the people sending me obituaries for my comic on top of that right now.

Like, maybe, maybe, if I one day move closer to Tampere to have my Brainstorm Buddy in my reach regularly again. I miss having creative company.

But right now? I'm just tired.

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[rox-of-iu]

me + mayhem going on a stupid silly hike for my stupid silly mental health

touched grass and i am normal again (lying)

[paperlovesadness]

Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin

I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.

[ordinarytalk]

I FINALLY QUALIFY FOR PUBLIC SERVICE LOAN FORGIVENESS

My initial student loan was $54,935.92.

I paid over $30,887.83*

My loan is currently at $51,756.93.

I thought I had made all 120 qualifying payments last year. I had to submit and resubmit the PSLF application multiple times, because it kept getting sent back because of problems with how my employers signed the form. It turned out some of the payments didn't qualify, so I had to stick with helljob for at least another year.

I definitely had made 120 qualifying payments this year, so I sent the application in December 2023.

Just got notified now that I have made all qualifying payments. I've made three extra payments, even.

"After we receive the approval, it may take up to 90 business days to process this information."

Three more months of helljob, because I still don't trust this is going to go through and I don't want to quit until I know my loans are gone. I do not have anything lined up after helljob, and I'm terrified of losing my helljob health insurance because I got medical complications. But I hate helljob. I hate helljob so much and my first emotion waking every workday is despair.

At least the loan payments have been paused until the reimbursement is processed. Theoretically I should get reimbursed for the extra payments, too.

* This was only my qualifying payments. The total amount I paid was higher. The website isn't showing me the non-qualifying payments and I have to submit a formal request to get my full payment history. I submitted the request, but it will take a few days to be sent to me.

[tittyinfinity]

bodies are so WEIRD

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I got a packet from the social security people I have to fill out and have sent back in--by mail--by the 26th. I got it on Friday. And I haven't looked at it til now, bc I was so stressed out about my dog being sick and i feel so overwhelmed. They want all my medical records from the last year, which I don't have, because I've only started keeping that stuff since I had my complete mental breakdown and she took me out of work. And there's so many pages and so much information they want. They have to nitpick my whole fucking life, before they can decide I deserve health. Being disabled in this country is a fucking nightmare. Instead of trying to hep, the just look for reasons to disqualify you. Because they don't want to help us; they just want us to go away

[heartshattering]

My life feels like one case of "Hey I reallyyyy should've taken this medical condition a lot more seriously when I was first diagnosed with it" after the next 🙃

[wormwonder]

playing with circles O●°○•°o.

[treesbian]

mentally healthy person activities: start sobbing at how difficult you're finding something as simple as changing over laundry

[im2tired4usernames]

Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die

[father-imperator]

how to not feel suicidal the day before the school holidays ends no glue no borax