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s1m0nth3swag · 2 months

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Leon S. Kennedy X M!Reader

A little self indulgent fic, because Leon is my husband (real) (not clickbait) (we are cuddling on the couch as of writing this). Fluffy but I DEFINETLY have some silly nsfw indulgences with him :)

Fun fact a chainsaw actually went off while I wrote this so that is definetly a sign from the universe.

I changed some stuff about my layout etc for this one, but the spacing is a little weird for this one because I had to write it on another medium and not tumblr, since for some reason I couldn't save at some points. (tho i think i fixed it pretty well)

may or may not be a little rushed at the end because I got new scenarios for Leon and uhm!!! BIG need to write but I wanted to finish this one to properly introduce my new layout and stuff!

WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; Male Reader, Leon is a silly guy, mentions and describtions of alcoholism, lots of bumps and small issues because Leon doesn't know how to properly care for someone and neither does reader, Reader is mentioned to be younger & shorter than Leon and to not understand social cues at times, Vendetta to Death Island Leon (my favs <3), slight mention of Death, slipped my head cannon in here that Vendetta Leon was in a long depressive episode and actually got to heal some time before Death Island, soft angst because Reader thinks Leon is straight, slight themes of bullying (though its never said to be that), pretty long (surprised at myself for that), only like halfway proof read

When you met Leon for the first time you swore you'd dislike him. You had just recently started working as a DSO agent and were supposed to work under him for a while, because he was "a competent older agent" and "knew what he was doing". Yet there he was, hungover from last night, wishing he already had another bottle of literally whatever alcohol he could acquire. For a second, you believed that he was someone else, surely not the Leon Scott Kennedy you had only heard praises of, someone who was held over your head as role model during the gruesome training you had to go through. Not a chance this poor excuse of a DSO agent was the person you had been told to be like. He had looked at you, grumbled something under his breath, and then strutted into his office. He hadn't even paid you a second glance. You didn't know whether to be offended or glad about it. If he didn't like you, you'd get assigned to another DSO agent, someone who might actually look the part. Someone who wouldn't be such a lowlife as Leon seemed to be. You'd take that over Leon any day, you told yourself.

Nothing prepared you for what would actually happen. Sure, Leon seemed to absolutely hate that you had been assigned to him, but he didn't order for you to get assigned to someone else. He was pretty chill about literally everything, actually. You had been with him for about a week when you started to wonder why he wouldn't just let you go to another agent, especially since he made a point of continously telling you what you did wrong, and that you should just quit the job. A few times you almost snapped at him, almost demanded to know why he was being this difficult. You hadn't trained for months and months just to get told off by this drunken mistake of a guy. You couldn't though. Leon Scott Kennedy, as much as you hated it, was still your superior, and if you didn't want to get fired because you snapped at some stupid remarks. You wouldn't let yourself drop that low because of him. That'd be the worst way to lose the job you had worked so fucking hard for.

You could deal with it though.

And you would.

The first time you started hating Leon a little less was when you were practically baking in your office on a hot summers day. You had just recently gotten your own office, after having to share with Leon for a few weeks - you only now had worked up the status to have your own. However, your AC was positively broken. YOu guessed that was the only reason why you got this office, no one else would want to work in it, so give it to the stupid newbie who won't complain. You sat on your desk, looking through files while having your window wide open - luckily for you, the day was almost completely windless, no risk of government documents getting flown out like your life is some generic movie. You were melting, an honestly, the day couldn't get worse. At least ypu thought that until Leon strutted in. IN your mind, you let out an exhausted groan. After a night fully worked though, a whole day of sitting in the worst heat and multiple files already worked through, you really didn't want to deal with his bullshit as well. You gave the taller man the slightest glare, waiting for him to speak. Instead he placed a bowl on your desk, on top some file - you'd be mad about that later, as you figured out that it had left a stain.

Icecream.

He had brought you icecream.

Your expression turned into one of surprise and shock as you watched him simply leave - he didn't even tell you that you were working too slow or that you had more to do than just sit around. The first thought that came to mind was that he had poisened the sweet treat, but honestly you couldn't be bothered as you cooled yourself from the inside with it. It didn't help much, but the thought had been... weirdly sweet. Well, at least until you noticed the previously mentioned stain and cursed Leon again.

Screw him and his weird gestures which got you into trouble for getting government files dirty.

But at least you got cooled down a little.

The second time you knew that your feelings for your superior agent had changed was when the office held a party upon another agent returning from a particularly gruesome mission. You didn't know the agent's name, but apparently she was now a pretty big deal around the office. Most agents were getting drunk, having fun, and enjoying the opportunity of having a proper break for once - all of you were overworked, definitely. You had simply sat yourself in a corner, completely unused to how busy the office now seemed. Normally you were tucked back into your own, buried behind files and the dreams of soon going on your own mission and returning as a hero, not out and about with everyone. There were only a few people you actually spoke to, mostly superiors and some agents that graduated the together with you. Though, in your defense, you had enough friends outside of work. At least you thought so.

Leon had strutted into the party fashionably late, already somewhat drunk and looking way too disheveled. He normally looked like a wet kitten picked up and brought inside out of pity - now it was somehow worse than that. Messy hair, eyebags way too big, face just a little paler than he normally was. You figured he wasn't feeling too well, but still came to the party. Probably for the free booze. Still, you felt obligated to keep an eye on him, just to be safe. He was your superior, you couldn't just let him do stupid shit. It would put a bad light on you as well, and you simply couldn't have Leon put you in yet another spot of annoyance.

Most of the night went well. Leon didn't pull any shit, and you weren't spoken to by anyone, which was a huge plus to you, because looking after Leon was already like taking care of a toddler, and talking to someone would have made that task a lot harder. After a little more time though, Leon had caught onto your slight staring and confidently walked over to you, basically glaring you down. You carefully started writing your will in your head, because you were convinced he would kill you on the spot - or, even worse for you, get you fired by labeling you as some creep.

"Something on my face or what's got you staring like that?" He ruffly asks, looking down at you with an unreadable expression. You let a sigh slip from your lips. "No, sir. I just figured I'd have to watch you so you don't make a fool of yourself." You then answered. If you were going to be humiliated in public, you at least wouldn't go down without showing Leon what a hypocrite he was.

You were once again caught off-guard by him when he actually started chuckling at your words. It was a pleasant sound, you had to admit. Nice and deep, but not cold, a pretty inviting sound actually. You couldn't help but let the slight shock you felt show on your face, which made him let out a breathy laugh. "What, did ya think I'd be mad at that? You'll have to try better, kid." He then grins, walking off to leave you alone, completely and utterly confused.

Leon left the party with some other agent. A pretty, young woman.

Your stomach twisted as you watched him step out the door, an arm around her waist and a charming smile on his lips.

That night was the first time you couldn't sleep because of Leon Scott Kennedy.

The last time you felt awful about yourself because of Leon was when you were told you'd get your first solo mission. It had been a month or two after the office party. A month or two after you noticed that you maybe didn't hate him as much as you thought you did. A week after Leon had started taking care of himself again, gaining muscle and wearing suits to the office, which he hadn't done once in the time you knew him. Three days after you had figured out that you also weren't as straight as you thought you were.

You were underprepared, wouldn't get the proper equipment, and the mission itself was total bullshit. The notes didn't make sense, the objective was way too random and you hadn't found any previous intel on anything mentioned in the file. It was like you were supposed to be confused by it, because everytime you even tried to ask someone about it, they'd simply give you an apologetic smile and went on about their day.

You were convinced that this was a plot to have you die on a random mission, because you had been too annoying, or made too many mistakes. Something. Anything. It didn't make sense.

For some reason, you found yourself standing in front of Leons office at last. Totally not because you were going to beg someone for intel, and weirdly enough you’d be the least embarrassed if the person you were begging was Leon. You gathered the courage to actually knock on the glass door, already feeling slightly nervous and uneasy. You didn't know how he'd respond, if he'd call you stupid, or worse. Your already close to fragile mind wouldn't be able to take that after spending sleepless nights because of him. A deep breath, a muttered curse, and his door swiftly flying open before you could even properly knock.

“Who the fuck do you think you are standing in front of my door— oh. It's you.” He spoke, all anger in his voice dissolving as he looked down at you, a complete nervous wreck. His tie was loose, he had probably been tugging on it,and his hair was a tad bit messy again. By now, that was actually weird for him, since he seemed to genuinely care for his appearance. “Sorry, I uh… I just got this mission and I'm uhm.. a little confused.” You muttered, an embarrassed flush creeping onto your cheeks as you gaze drifted to the floor - completely uncharacteristic for you, who normally stood your ground against him. Leon stared at you for a moment before he sighed and stepped aside to let you inside his office. He wordlessly took the folder with information, which you had been clutching onto for dear life, from you, swiftly looking through it, his expression growing more and more exhausted and angry.

He'd say you're stupid. Definitely. He thought you were an absolute idiot.

What you didn't think he'd do is let out a groan, open his office door, and yell out: “You lot are fucking assholes!”

You stared at him in disbelief, by now having taken a seat on the small couch that Leon had placed in his office some time between the party and you getting your own office. With absolutely no clue what was going on, you watched Leon step out, argue with someone - a female voice, as far as you could make out. You didn't exactly know what to do, especially since Leon hadn't told you a thing. You were simply sitting by, waiting for orders, getting yelled at, or fired - you didn't know what to expect either, if you were honest.

When Leon returned, you had been picking at the skin of your fingers for a good five minutes or so. He closed his office door and strutted to his chair, swiftly falling into it with a heavy groan.

“I'm sorry sir I just–” You started, interrupted by a dismissive wave. “There's no mission. It was a prank. I told them not to do it. Their reasoning was that you needed to get out of your office more and this would force you to talk to someone. They didn't plan ahead though, and simply told everyone that they'd give you a fake mission, without telling anyone what to say. I'm having her write an incident report about this. You can go home.” He simply spoke, leaning back in his chair as he looked at you. His words practically beat you down.

A prank.

A stupid fucking prank and you had gotten this upset over it.

You stared at the floor, desperately trying to even begin to understand that stupid reason. You didn't like socializing. Simple as that. Leon didn't do it, but he didn't get pranked and laughed at for it.

“She..?” You then asked, looking up at Leon.

“That agent that we had the party for. She grew over her own head, thinking she could rule the office.” He shrugged as you got up. “Where are you going, kid?” Leon wondered, clearly a little confused by the look on your face.

“Socializing.” You simply spoke, unsure of what you'd actually do. You were upset, angry… a lot more than that. You wanted to beat her, calmly tell her why what she did was wrong. A lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts.

“Instead of chewing her face off, how about you just come over to mine later, and we drink our asses into oblivion?” Leon sighed. He had dealt with stuff like that before, surprisingly as it was. You didn't make it particularly easy for yourself, though, as you didn't even seem to notice when you were getting out of line. Hell, you stood up to his gruff demeanor without a second thought - maybe you were just a bit crazy. Maybe a little more than just a bit.

That's how you ended up on the couch of Leon's living room instead, beer in hand, the TV on, Leon beside you with a respectable amount of space in between the two of you. His couch was comfortable, probably having been used for more than just a few years, as you could feel yourself slowly sinking into it while sipping your beer silently. Normally, you'd become more social when drinking. But normally, you weren't in your superiors' apartment. Nonetheless, a superior you had grown to realize you had a crush on.

Thinking about it, it had been obvious, really.

You don't think you've ever actually hated Leon. You just thought you did because you had actually felt like that for the first time in possibly years. A nervous glance over at Leon let you know that the other was focused On the TV, which stupidly led you to eye him cautiously, your gaze trailing along his face, jaw, neck… you felt a little weird when looking at him like this. He had pulled off his tie, his shirt slightly unbuttoned. Now that he wasn't wearing a blazer, you could see that his shirt was the tiniest bit too tight around his biceps - you swallowed harshly before forcing yourself to look away.

Leon hadn't noticed how awkward you felt around him. He was already at his third beer himself, seemingly a routine for him. You, on the other hand, were still sipping the first half of your first. Soft concerns about Leon's alcohol consumption filled your mind, but it wasn't your place to judge or comment on it. It was overall known at the office that Leon struggled - he frequented the office therapist, but only to sit there in silence as he stared the poor guy down. He only went because it was mandatory for agents after an unfortunate accident, a story no one you asked would ever expand on. You figured you wouldn't want to know anyway.

“You do know that the others pick on you constantly, right? There's a reason you have so many files.” Leon suddenly huffed, resting his head on his fist as he glanced over at you. You shrugged awkwardly. “I never noticed anything. I figured that… well, that everyone had so much work.” You mumbled. All this had been a bad idea. Definitely. This was stupid. Leon sighed your name, and it made a small shiver run down your back. He had used your first name, not the generic ‘Agent’, or simply your last name. It surprised you that he even knew your last name. You couldn't keep your cheeks from flushing.

“Listen, I thought you'd get it yourself, you aren't the type to be this… I don't know, obedient?” The older agent grumbled, shaking his head softly. You could only watch his soft strands of hair shake, wondering if they'd feel the way they looked. It took you a moment to realize his words.

A little dumbfounded, you asked him to explain what he meant by that. He didn't think you were ‘obedient’? Was that a good thing? Seeing as how your job was quite literally all about following orders, you feared that it might not be. Leon struggled to find the words to properly explain what he meant. “Like.. You stand up for yourself. Always, no matter what. It just.. feels weird to see you like.. like you can't take care of yourself? You normally speak your mind, but at the same time you're scared of not following everything to standard. You're.. weird, honestly. I don't mean that in a bad way, particularly.” He shrugged, and it was noticeable that he also didn't know how to deal with this. The two of you sat in silence for a moment.

“I don't notice.” You then mumble, taking a sip from your beer. Leon looks at you in confusion, so you clarify. “When I'm being harsh, or mean, or whatever. I don't notice. I speak my mind because I never got told that that was a bad thing at times. I guess I learned from childhood that most people don't appreciate it when I simply tell them that their life decisions statistically suck, but it never sticks.” The soft shrug that you add at the end earns you a chuckle from Leon. A sound you grew to appreciate more than anything. “Is that why you don't talk to people?” He asks, nudging your knee with his foot playfully - this is probably the most relaxed you've ever seen him. “I do talk to people.” You grumble, a soft pout on your lips. “Just not coworkers.” Leon chuckles again. If you could, you'd bottle the sound and replay it forever. There's a soft silence again, but this time, you are oddly aware of the fact that Leon is looking at you, almost the same way you were beforehand. You feel the sudden urge to chug your beer in one go.

"I really want to help you, kid." The older agent then sighs, shaking his head softly while getting up to go get himself another beer. "Surprising, I thought you wanted me gone." You huffed. The alcohol had probably loosened your tongue, and you didn't want to have to wonder about Leons actions anymore. One day he'd be nice to you, and then the next he'd glare at you like he was on a murder spree. It was confusing. He claimed to want to help you, but never actually did anything, it seems. You desperately wanted answers - partly because it would probably help you deal with the definitely improper feelings for Leon. He only stared at you for a moment, before sighing again and shortly leaving the room. You had fucked up, hadn't you? You made him uncomfortable or something.

"I don't.. want you to leave. Not fully, anyway." Leon hummed as he walked back into the living room, a glass in his hand. You guessed he had gotten something stronger than a simple beer. "This job ruins people. I mean, you know how I acted when you first got into the office. I was actually the reason that the whole therapist rule was put up..." He chuckles awkwardly as he moves to sit beside you again. You nervously notice that he's sitting closer than before. "I was forced into this, you chose it. And seriously, it's a stupid choice. This job gets you killed, brutaly so. It doesn't even have to be a Bioterrorist mission, every other one is awful as well." He explains, running a hand through his hair after taking a quite big sip from his glass. You're reminded of your beer, so you take a sip as well. You aren't quite sure what to say, you don't think you have a valid reason for your choice either. "The fact that you don't understand how to... well.. properly act doesn't help that either." He mutters, looking at you expectantly. A soft shrug is all you can muster up, still trying to think of the words to bring your point across - if you even had an actual point. Some silent moments passed. "I guess I just always wanted to be.. a hero.. of sorts." You then mumbled awkwardly. "The stories we were told of you were just a way to get me even more determined and well.. now it's too late to quit. I didn't go through all that just to go work in some coffee shop." You added, looking at the other cautiously. You weren't sure if he'd like your answer, even though it was mostly how you truly felt. Leon simply nodded as you spoke. “Yeah, I can respect that.” He then answers, another blanket of silence enveloping the two of you. Both of you sip at your respective drinks, caught in your thoughts for a moment.

“You got yourself together though, didn't you?” You then asked, unsure if the question would cross a line. The way Leon looked just a few months ago came to mind, the imagery of a wet kitten. The drunkard you had ‘despised’. Leon thought for a moment, a soft hum coming from him as he weighed his response. “I guess I did.” He then shrugged. “A friend of mine made me realize that I couldn't sulk around forever. That I had to keep going, even though it was hard.” Leon added. You watched as he downed his drink and set the glass down on the small table in front the couch. It reminded you of how awkward this situation actually was. Alone with your superior in his apartment, drinking alcohol all because you couldn't properly socialize with the rest of your coworkers. A bit ironic, actually. The only person you could talk to was the man that made you realize you were into guys. You huffed at that realization, slightly staring at Leon, who was apparently zoned out a little. The alcohol was getting to your head properly now - you'd always been somewhat of a lightweight - and you couldn't help but sigh as a strand of hair fell into Leons face, reaching out to brush it behind his ear again. The second your fingers made contact with the soft skin of his cheek you pulled back again, awkwardly aware of how weird that just was. Your cheeks flushed a deep red as Leon shot up to look at you, caught off-guard by the sudden touch. “Your uhm.. I just wanted to fix your hair. Sorry.” You mumbled, looking away from the older man in embarrassment. Neither of you said anything for a moment - it wasn't helping your state that this silence wasn't as pleasant as the others had been - and you already thought of the way Leon would tell you to leave.

Instead, you heard Leon chuckle as he gently took your chin to turn your head back towards him. "You could've just said that you wanted to touch me." He grins, awfully close to you. Your brain malfunctions for a second. "Come on, it's fine." The other adds, and you can form enough of a thought to carefully brush the hair out his face. His bright blue eyes dug into yours - your heart stopped for a second - before you pushed away slightly. This was crossing a line, no matter how much you wanted to be close to Leon, you wouldn't have it like this. He was probably just drunk and acting stupid. There was no way he'd ever actually be interested in you, in any way, shape, or form. Hell, Leon probably wasn't into men at all - a thought quickly dismantled as Leon suddenly leaned towards you and pressed a kiss against your lips. You were too shocked to react, simply jerked away as the abrupt action wasn't what you had ever thought would happen. "Shit. I'm sorry, I read that wrong didn't I?" Leon immediatly says, his expression showing that he hadn't meant to do anything you didn't want. "I just- I didn't think you'd... be into guys..? Let alone me." You spoke hastily, not wanting him to feel bad - not when inside you were fireworks going off. "I'm not, usually. You're just.. different. Only had this one time before and well that was... ended prematurely." He chuckled awkwardly. "I'm willing to try though, with you. Only if you want to though, of course. I'm not forcing you or anything, I now realise that's awful to say when I'm literally your superior and you probably will feel pressured-" Leon starts rambling, running a hand through his hair. It was actually kinda cute to see him like this, somewhat panicked because he wants to make sure that you know he doesn't want you to be uncomfortable. "It's fine. If you're actually willing to, I'd uhm.. I'd really love to try." You answer, your voice just slightly higher than usually because of how nervous you are. "You are?" Leon asks, just to make sure. A huge grin spreads on his lips as soon as you nod. "Really?" He asks again, excitement clear in his voice. "Really." You answer after clearing your throat. You want to jump up and down in excitement, scream out loud, literally whatever, because you're genuinely on the verge of getting to date Leon. You're caught off guard when Leon stands up, pulling you off the couch as well. You were painfully reminded of the fact that he was taller than you as you stood right in front of him, looking up. Your face flushed when Leon cupped your cheek with his hand. "Would you like to be my boyfriend?" He asked softly, almost as if he was scared that your answer could be anything but a clear yes. "Yes. Definitely. I really want to be your boyfriend." You answer.

Leon kisses you, and you swear it's the best you've ever felt.

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon resident evil #leon vendetta #leon death island #leon x you #leon x reader #male reader #x male reader

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the-crimson · 9 months

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Ok so after writing my observations yesterday on q!bbh’s delusions about the egg photos and reading this post by the wonderful @kadextra I started thinking about the relationship between q!bbh’s self harm and his delusions.

Both are coping methods for the immense pain of losing the eggs and q!bbh’s failure to protect them. Gonna put an early cut cuz I’m gonna be talking about self harm and suicide idealization so if these are triggering topics, take care of urself and read at ur own pace.

There are hundreds of different reasons (often subconscious) why people commit acts of self harm but some of the more common ones are cries for help, externalizing internal pain, and punishing oneself. I think bbh’s self harming tendencies steam from all three, in addition to a general lack of self worth but that is nothing new to mr I popped 25 totems no big deal.

The eggs are bbh’s world and he failed them. When he first fed himself to the vultures, it was only a couple days after the eggs had vanished. Long enough for the hope that they’d return to fade and for the reality of the situation to sink in. They are gone. He failed them.

Bad may have justified it to himself that he was continuing Dapper’s work but deep down he was punishing himself for failing by physically destroying his body in addition to externalizing his internal pain. Now what do I mean by that? Internal/emotional pain can feel irrational and helpless because it’s all inside. Physically hurting oneself gives a person an element of control over their pain and a justification for why everything hurts. It makes it easier to manage even tho this is incredibly dangerous and unhealthy. When life or emotions feel out of control, self harm can feel revolutionary and like you are taking your agency back. Brains are weird.

Bad fed himself to the soul vultures for two weeks before he stopped. At first, he was in their spawning area seemingly collecting soul hearts - even though there was no need because Dapper collected over a stack of them. Then, he moved to Ron’s cell where he allowed the vultures to eat him while Ron watched/listened. In both instances, bbh has a “logical” reason for doing what he’s doing but the moment you think about it for two seconds his reasoning falls apart because the true purpose is self harm. Dapper already collected a bunch of the hearts and there are a million different ways bbh could psychologically torture Ron besides actively hurting himself as well.

All of this is also a desperate cry for help. Bad doesn’t hide the wounds the vultures left and even after he stopped letting them eat him, the wounds continue to get worse. Whatever the vultures did to him/bad did to himself has left a very visible indication that he is deteriorating quickly. Everyone has told him there is something wrong and he doesn’t try to hide it or cover up what has them worried. Bad doesn’t notice because he can’t, because he doesn’t care, because he doesn’t matter. But it is a clear indication to others that something is deeply wrong and he needs help even if he’d be kicking and screaming trying to resist.

Another common reason for self harm occurs when someone has severe depression. Depression isn’t just “I’m sad”. Depression is “I feel nothing”. My mom once described it as literally the world loses its color. When Foolish lit bbh on fire and Bad said something along the lines of thanks I can feel something - it was played as a joke but that is a legit thing. Some people commit acts of self harm just so they feel something. Feeling something is better than nothing. At least then you know ur alive. I can also see this being a factor in bbh’s self harming practices.

What interests me the most is when Bad stops letting the vultures eat him: when he starts indulging in his delusions about the eggs in the photos. He trades one coping method for another.

Instead of externalizing the pain and punishing himself, he enters a fantasy where the pain doesn’t exist because the eggs are right here. He gives himself a moment of respite from the pain so that he has the strength to continue carrying it. But as we saw, this eroded his ability to tell reality from fiction and lead to a full blown dissociative mental break down.

Then what happens a couple days after his break down? We see him once again allowing a vulture to attack him. He’s leading it around like a pet in broad daylight. Yesterday was incredibly triggering for bbh because he was forced to face the dead eggs as well as his eggs that are missing/may wind up dead any moment. If Aypierre hadn’t accidentally triggered bbh’s break a few days ago I definitely think this would have triggered it. Not only talking to the dead eggs but being faced with the possibility that Bad might be digging seven more graves soon would be more than enough to break him.

Bad’s self harm in this instance was a grounding method. To keep him here, in the present. Who knows how long he spent on the church roof preparing himself for visiting the dead eggs. He was literally sitting there trying to stop himself from dissociating because he knew how important it was to keep the egg’s memory alive. He knew how much it meant to Dapper.

The fact that bbh risked everyone finding out about Dapper’s soul vultures just so he could keep himself present enough to visit the eggs is insane. His priorities are so incredibly skewed and we see this in everything he does. He is both completely blind to the consequences of his actions while intensely aware of the spiderweb he’s weaving across the island. He doesn’t care if anything happens to him and fully expects himself to die at some point. He doesn’t care about potentially spilling Dapper’s soul vulture secret because he’s already let the cat out of the bag on scanners. He doesn’t care if Dapper hates him for revealing their secrets. All he cares about is Dapper coming back safe and sound - with or without Bad.

I honestly think a part of Bad wants to die. This whole experience has hurt him so much that I don’t think he thinks there is a way back. Even if the eggs return, his failure remains and all the drastic measures he’s taken can’t be erased. Tragedy follows bbh everywhere he goes. He has painted history with blood. Maybe he thinks dying to save the kids will redeem him in some way. I doubt bbh will actually die or die permanently but the character definitely plans on sacrificing and potentially dying one way or another. All he needs to do is hold out long enough for his plan to come to fruition which means employing what ever coping methods he can to survive his grief, but once it’s done… idk and I don’t think bbh knows either.

Now we’ll just have to see what bbh does next. If he continues self harming with the vultures or indulging in delusions or tries something new and more desperate/dangerous. I trust at the end of all this cc!bbh will give us a happy ending but it’s always darkest before the dawn and I feel like we’ve got a lot of night left.

#qsmp #crimson speaks #tw self harm #tw suicide mention #q!badboyhalo #I am both terrified and excited to see what happens next #he’s only gonna get worse

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yb-cringe · 10 months

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alright wybie here's a free ask to talk my ear off about fitpac GO

this is like a trap isnt it ih gos ok yea

the thing that gets me abt fitpac is that its not that deep. and i dont mean that in an insulting way or that their impacts on one another arent expansive and hugely helpful but i mean it in that like. theres no catch. i love spiderbit for their complexity i love fitpac for their simple, slow, love

that by no means is me insinuating its not got its edges though. theyre just. sweet.

i think both of them have a lot of trauma when it comes to imprisonment and just general fear for their lives and while that could be said for a lot of people on the server i think whats important is that they’ve recognized that in each other? or at least fit has from what ive seen

and pac (and mike tbf) need a constant right now. things are crazy people are disappearinf theres no stability but they can always trust that fit will be there and he will listen and more importantly that he SEES them and will defend them

i think my thoughts abt them boil down to ‘pac needs consistency. a solid rock. he needs a recognizable pattern that doesnt change so he can have a safety net’ and ‘fit spent so long in survival he doesnt know how to just Live and he needs someone to be patient with him’

and its not easy for Either of them especially right fucking now. whats happened is that fit is trying to be the solid foundation for a bunch of people and its wearing him thin. and pac is just speedrunning traumas.

god the babysteps thing will forever be imprinted on the back of my eyes tho. like yeah fit needs to go rly fucking slow. hes a traumatized single father and hes fucking cautious about everything. always has been. letting someone into his life and giving them space in his heart is a big fucking deal. he just cannot afford to make that choice lightly. hell even ramón had to be patient for a bit

whats the fuckin saying like. fell first but he fell harder? wheres the ‘he fell first but didnt wanna think about it until he accepted it at which point he fell so fucking hard it would ruin him to lose it’ thats qfit. he literallt cannot even say the words date or romance or love or wven really Like in a romantic context about pac because shit will get too real and he needs to go slow rven if he has to FORCE HIMSELF to move slowly.

gkd i dont even know where to start with pac. he needs consistency so bad. and mike was that- mike IS that. pac is someone who needs company he needs someone to be near especially lately after his whole kidnapping thing where he was alone in that fuckin room after whatever they did to him—

hes been through so much shit and he just needs someone to stay- someone to turn to and know he’s got slmeone on his side. like pac in his own right is sort of paranoid —not the kind of way he has been recently though.

but like if you had to force tazercraft into designations of head and heart, pac would be the mind and mike would be the heart. pac is thinking ahead, he’s trying to force himself to move on because he knows mike wont, he’s trying to avoid doing things too crazy to keep them off the radar— he’s keeping them out of trouble when he can remember to.

not to say hes not chaotic and passionate in his own right but yknow. comparisons. but hes a thinker yjnow he plans for the future and if he doesnt have someone to be his safety net he fucking panics and doesnt do things he wants to because he’s worried about being caught out alone without any support

all of this to say that he doesnt Really think of romance more then Fun because he needs safety nets first. which is also kind of why the moving slow thing works for him because he’s definitely not going to realize how in deep he is like love wise until its too late. and he probablt cant even fuckin risk it right now considering yhh like Everything going on.

#sorry this ended up more as a character analysis and its so messy #i just have a lot of thoughts about them #long story short; gay men with ptsd love each other through recognition of the other and their flaws #and it makes my heart ache #qsmp liveblogging #asks

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paramountpetrichor · 1 month

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hate that i cant send asks on my side blog-

but hi! im void! and im absolutely Obsessed with ur art and the ships u talk about and- and-

*clears throat and tents hands together calmly* im here to lose my mind a bit :3

some Rambles of a few ships that i just. love a lot OTL

obviously love eclipse/earth. theyre just. its perfect! eclipse Really needs someone to pamper and take care of him sweetly but also Not tolerate his bullshit while also being gentle. his main drive is getting the reaction he wants, so wut if he doesnt get it? well then he has to find other ways to make ppl react how he wants and earth shows him how to get that satisfaction while not hurting ppl! its really easy to get a quick reaction out of ppl when u just give em a quick kiss. a small peck or two. like a small harmless prank! and she cheers him on as he (consensually) kisses the entire family. ofc he kisses her too. earth is the big sister that hes always needed and DAMNIT is she gonna help him get better <3

another earth ship but... solar/earth. AGAIN. SOOO MUCH POTENTIAL!! THEYRE SO CLOSE AND BONDED AND SO FUCKING FLUFFY!!!!!! im surprised how little ppl talk about solar/earth despite HOW FUCKING GOOD AND EASY ITD BE TO SHIP THEM. they were gonna make lil stuffies with each other and she was gonna make a bunny and he was gonna make a snake and theyd be friends!!!!! GGAAAAAAHHHHHH OTL and dont even get me STARTED on how she cried and said "i wanted to ask if he wanted to be my brother" FUCK DUUUUDDDEE

okayokayokay.. moving on...... i think we all know of moon/eclipse. literally the tension between them HURTS to witness. "want me to get on my knees back there sweetie?" "want me to bark for u?" "kiss my boot while ur at it" LIKE????? ECLIPSE STFU STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine HOW MUCH that flusters moon and he tries SO HARD to hide it but. its *so* obvious. ALSO the added bonus of the whole enemies to lovers thing??? also wut u talked about earlier in ur own post about how their relationship would slowly develop is SO GOOOOODDDDD

sun/moon.... always the classic. the otp of them all. can never escape them. something i wanted to ask YOU was how do u think moon/sun realized they were attracted to the other?? i bet itd be something like super small like the other doing something silly and them just going "oh *shit*" AND I AGREE that theyd be SOOOO TOUCHY!!!! hugs and kisses and cuddles and hand holding ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! u can NOT EVER separate them! they r a packaged deal!!!!

im a HUGE sun/eclipse shipper tho i usually dont imagine them as being incestuous but... its fun to consider 👀 he gets redeemed and added back into the family and UH OH- he has feelings for the sun :] wut will he ever do!!!! (obviously kiss him. clearly the only correct answer) BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS i think itd be a Really Good slow burn between the 2. i feel like eclipse would be Super ashamed of himself for having a Crush on his Brother of all ppl!! but.... it wouldnt hurt too much, would it? i feel like in general the family would already be a big mess of polyamory but eclipse doesnt Know for a while. they THOUGHT it was obvious that like- its normal for them to kiss each other. but he didnt know!!! so hes like. super fucking shocked to maybe like one day walk in on a pair of them kissing the other (i say sun n moon :3c) and being super fucking confused and conflicted like. THIS IS A THING?? THIS IS NORMAL FOR THEM???? honest to god i wanna write this as a silly oneshot maybe- but dw! bc in the end sun and eclipse DO KISS!!!! THEY GET TO BE GAY IN THE END!!

this is getting so fucking long and im so sorry so ill limit myself to only ONE more ship- solar/jack. on my main i say "oh no it isnt incest i just like creator/creation" but... we all know y we're here/silly TJERES SO MUCH POTENTIALL!!! jack/everyone is great but i ESPECIALLY love solar/jack bc jack Really needs the gentle guiding hand of a parent to help him understand the world better. sweet baby boy needs a bit of help understanding things. but dont worry! solar is here to help!!

also just in general. lunar is a little shit. he goes after Everyone. no one is safe from him. there is no escape from the wrath that is lunars affection :3c

i would ramble more but this has gotten So Fucking Long and its like 1am and im not even gonna go back and spellcheck/edit this so im just sending it and hoping it makes sense :'3

HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

rubs my grimy little hands together. ive been WAITING for time to answer this big boy ask and now I've got it muahahaha

well actually first off, ADHDKAFAJSGA THANK YOUUU 🥺🥺 <3 the whole ass reason i create things is bc i like seeing people's reactions to what my silly little mind cooks up, so knowing you like my gay kissy robots simply makes me wanna create More >:3 and yes please feel free to lose your mind in my inbox any time, any hour /gen

YAYAYAYA ECLIPSEARTH YAYAYAYAYA!!! god you're so right, they are Objectively good together and i Can't be convinced otherwise. Earth won't take Eclipse's bs, but she also won't go about calling him out on it in a mean way. she politely asks why he's Like That, what she can do to help, and then she just has to stand there Confused when Eclipse runs away cause his ass is NOT used to genuine sincerity and his mechanical heart starts beating out of his chest at even the slightest sign of it!!! also just ascended to the heavens over the thought of Eclipse kissing Earth for the first time (cause i feel like Earth would initiate all the kisses at first :3c) and Earth just explodes into giggles and stims. Eclipse is even more flustered- he's grumbling and hiding his face away as Earth tries to kiss his rays cause "you were supposed to be embarrassed- not happy!!!" andand one more thing- the thing where you said how Earth would encourage Eclipse to go give everyone kisses? *Inhale*. HELL FUCKING YEAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! ourghhh Eclipse and Moon are bickering per usual and then Eclipse just shuts hi up by kissing him... and now Moon is thinking about that for Days. then Eclipse pulls that on Sun. and Lunar. and on every Other celestial until he's kissed everyone, and then he approaches Earth like a proud cat about it, explaining who he kissed and how he did it all while preening like a peacock. (he wants kisses from her as a reward, dammit!!!) agajsgqja eclipsearth hhh theyre so cuteee hhh i need to draw them smooching so bad hhh

KWGIWGIQGA YES NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SOLAR AND EARTH. and tbh i think the reason so Few peeps talk abt them is Because (as much as i love it) of the fact that Earth canonically considers Solar her brother. that pushes many Normies away from even making au's where they're together, which is what solarmoon's normally do bc they were shipping solarmoon Before Moon ever even though of Solar as family. the content-craving part of me brain kinda wishes Earth never called Solar brother bc there would've been sooooo much ship art of the two after that episode if so istg. ...but the proship brain LOVES that she called him brother cause now i have more reasoning to make them kith >:3 i bet when Solar comes back (bc he will and if he doesn't i'm gaslighting myself into believing he is <3) he and Earth are gonna have little playdates with the things they crochet together... their bunny and snake end up on a little date and Earth and Solar are giggling like teenagers whenever they flirt w each other through their respective plushy <3<3<3 and then at the end of it whenever the two plushes bonk their heads together in a kiss EA&SO KISS TOO and JAFUSFAIGA AUGHHH THEY'RE SO CUUUTEEE

anon i will literally /p marry you. you just gave me an excuse to yell about mooneclipse. *Ahem*. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!1!!1! I FUCKING LOVE MOONECLIPSE!!!1!!!11!!1! ik i've previously screamed about how i think their relationship would develop, but i haven't talked about the slowburn enough yet. sooo... hi not to make this a Lil raunchy but: Eclipse saddling up behind Moon while Moon's in p&s, Eclipse presses his chest against Moon's back, wrapping his arms around his torso and murmuring teases mixed in with Very Family Friendly things in his ear. Moon is torn between leaning his head back to start kissing the sonuva bitch, or if he should smack Eclipse's head 180° around with a wrench. (spoiler: he goes with the first option :3) mooneclipse Also good whenever i can shove Sun in there bc if Sun ever walked in on the two making out he'd never recover. that's all he'll be thinking about for the next year, and the year after that if it happens again. he wants to be in-between them so baddd afaksfaksfaga

SPEAKING about Sun, SUN/MOON YEHAHAHAHAHAH!!! and oh ohh i TOTALLY agree with the Super Small thing. i think it was a fell first, fell harder situation with Specifically Sun and New Moon. Sun fell first, and N.M fell harder. thas' because S&M were already a Thing during the Old Moon days, sooo Sun already had them-there feelings, and New Moon, in all his dorky, smart, trying-his-best glory, just MADE THEM WORSE doing the tiniest little things. like, y'know that high-pitched screechy laugh Moon does whenever he's laughing too hard? Sun heard him do that for the first time and the urge to kiss Moon struck Sun so hard he got a lil dizzy. there were so many times before the two got together where Sun would just Stare at Moon, not listening to whatever tf he was saying and just admiring every inch of him. and Sun only snapped out of it whenever he heard his own rays whirring a mile a minute isgsigsogaoga. BUT. but, New Moon fell harder. if i were to assign a canon moment in the timeline where i think he realized his feelings for Sun, it would be when Sun comforted him during his breakdown over Solar. like Moon, on the verge of passing out, feels himself being cradled into Sun's chest as he carries him to bed and oh no oh fuck oh shit this isn't brotherly love he's feeling it's not it's not. and then whenever Sun brings him sushi the next morning Moon accidentally starts thinking of it like a lil breakfast date and that thought has him shaking and JAFAUFIAGIAG they're so CUTE and AWKWARDN and SOSOSO cuddly whenever they finally get together. Sun has to be on Moon's lap at least once everyday or else he'll be Pouty.

THE WAY YOU FLAVORED THIS SPECIFIC VERSION OF SUNECLIPSE MADE ME ISGIAFIFAIGAIGIA. YESSSSS. Eclipse feels so bad about catching feelings for his new brother, but... the Celestials are already More physically affectionate with each other than normal siblings are, and Eclipse Swears he sometimes catches them all coming out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes, and most importantly why does it seem like Sun is flirting with him all the time??? (< cause he Is lmao) Eclipse walks in on S&M making out- Sun having his whole ass legs wrapped around Moon's waist and Eclipse fucking just.🧍‍♂️. "hELLO???!?! HELLO!!?!?!?!1?!" and then S&M Still take like a solid minute to Fully pull away cause. whaaat d'you waaaaant Eclipse can't you see they're busy??? ...unless you wanna Join them, ofc :) (< Eclipse explodes on the spot /vpos)

ON MY KNEES. FINALLY, ANOTHER WHO SEES MY SOLAR/JACK VISION. i'unno if you are a Reader of my Ao3, but if you Aren't, then you should know i think jack starts doing romance stuff alllll thanks to Lunar. he is a Horrible influence. Lunar tells him about kissing, flirting, seduction, the Things That Come After That that i can't say in interest of keeping this post Tame uagigaigaigs. aaand then Jack wants to try all those things on Solar!!! cause who better to love on then your own creator!!! someone walks in on Solar with Jack in his lap one day, and they are very close together, Almost kissing, and then Solar Shrieks and tries to act like he wasn't about to kiss Jack. he's just- he's just doing repairs!!! that's all!!!! thaaat's all!!!!! (Jack is so confused- is he a bad kisser? what did he do wrong :( [< he did Nothing wrong Solar just has Anxiety usgwgigwigw])

AAAND last but not least, yes, Lunar has gone for everyone once, twice, thrice, and probably even more for Some. if someone were to ask him his body count he'd have to Swiftly change the subject out of fear of Never Living Down The Truth Igiahagaig

it took me like over 3 hours to write all this out AHAHHAHAH hope i matched your Hype when it comes to these ships cause theyre all AHAHHJHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

#celestialcest #celestial proship #talky tag #asks tag #cloudystar #cloudymechanic #sleepystar #sleepyanxiety #anxietystar #and a New one for sol//ar and ja//ck:#mechanicpumpkin #:]#a huge mess (celestial polycule tag)

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acourtofthought · 8 months

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I have a question. In sjm latest interview did she said anything about TOG? I mean I know she said we have to read ACOTAR for HOFAS but I don't remember her saying anything about TOG?

And I guess I'm the only one who thinks TOG characters won't make an appearance? Or maybe I just don't want to bc at the end of the day this is Hunt and Bryce story and I don't want any other character from another series to be a hero or have any special focus on their series except CC characters!! I mean I don't have any problem with this whole multiverse but I'd hate it if she tries to make ACOTAR/TOG character highlight of the book!! There are so many ppl out there like me who enjoyed the series without that ending so it would be such a turn off if she makes other characters from another series be the ones who's saving the day yk...

And the fact that ppl are already saying they can't wait for TOG character to save them after IC and Hunt & Bryce fail to win the war like? I know you love them but I don't think (I HOPE SO) sjm would ever do that.

Even tho I think Feyre and Rhysand will travel to CC world bc of their death pack but that isn't even solid. And I feel like Bryce will stay at NC for like 1/4 of the book and if I'm being generous for 1/3 and we know its a huge book so its going to be a lot.

ps: Feysand death pack deal was worded carefully... I mean "leave this world together"? yeah I think it's a little forshadowing of them traveling to Lunathion and that's how they will lose it ig

Ooooh, nice catch on the wording.

I do think it's possible the ACOTAR characters could eventually travel outside their world though I have to say, I'm not a huge fan of the idea of them traveling to a modern place. That would be like the Hobbits from Lord of the Rings traveling to Manhattan, something about it seems off to me 😂 As far as her recent live, she did not mention TOG. In other interviews she said the series is completed and had no plans to pick it back up though she also added in a "but never say never". But I agree with you, I don't think we'll see the TOG characters in CC3 (though I could be wrong on that). And I do think the CC characters will be the ones to defeat the current threat to Midgard in their own series without needing help from the ACOTAR characters. If SJM does bring them together for one big crossover battle, I think that will take place down the line. Where maybe a single Aster escaped or the Asteri, before their defeat were able to connect with "survivors" existing in other worlds and those survivors will try to settle the score against those that defeated their brothers and sisters (Midgard / Prythian). It doesn't seem right that Rhys, Feyre, etc. would be the ones to help Hunt, Bryce, Ruhn, Lidia, etc in the Crescent City series. They already had their big battle in ACOWAR and they shouldn't just walk on page in the Crescent City series as the heroes. Just like it wouldn't be right for Bryce to defeat Koschei, that storyline belongs to the ACOTAR spin-offs and the ACOTAR characters are the ones who have history with him. So if they're going to eventually come to the aid of one another, I think it's got to be against a newly introduced external threat that targets them all at the same time, maybe something we'll discover in a Multi Series Multi POV book, a series or book that could technically stand on it's own.

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scurvyratt · 7 months

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Although I didn't like the way Said died, I do think that the only way his story could have ended "happily" was with his own death.

So to explain, Said was a jihadist imo. I know that term has an extremely negative and violent connotation these days, but I don't think that he was a terrorist or extremist lol. Jihad has nothing to do with terrorism: "In its most general meaning, jihad refers to the obligation incumbent on all Muslims, individuals and the community, to follow and realize God’s will: to lead a virtuous life and to extend the Islamic community through preaching, education, example, writing, etc." Many Muslims also refer to jihad as a struggle against oppression. So not every Muslim is a jihadist, but I think Said is due to the fact that he is an imam and civil rights leader.

There are also the concepts of "lesser jihad" and "greater jihad". Lesser jihad is more of a physical battle against those who are oppressing you or committing wrong doings. We can see this in Said when he partakes in the riot for example. Greater jihad is an inward battle against oneself. The struggle against greed, lust, ego, selfishness, evil, etc. There's a ton of examples that can be used for this, especially in the last two seasons when he loses it after he kills Adebisi lol. Also when he gives up on pursuing Cutler's (ex) wife for his cause.

Nowww how does this relate to his death? Well, being a martyr is also a big deal in Islam. Muslims believe that there are seven levels of heaven, and that those who die as martyrs automatically go to the highest level. There are many different ways that one can die as a martyr in Islam, such as dying during child birth or dying while fighting for your independence (everyone who has been killed in the current Palestinian genocide is considered a martyr). But another way, is to die in the pursuit of jihad.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore lol, but I think that death as a martyr was like, the perfect death for Said since he was so committed to his jihad, his people, and fighting for civil rights. Also because he could be very self righteous and wanted to be seen as a hero (though I do think he changed in the later seasons, especially after Adebisi. Me doing a character analysis when I don't even remember what happened ijbol). I don't think that any other ending would have been satisfying for him because his ultimate desire was for liberation/equal rights/justice, etc. and like obviously that will never be achieved lol....

Also yes, I do think that Said would probably be considered a martyr since he mainly dedicated his life to Islam and educating/helping others (even tho he was kinda a flop tbh...) and he was assassinated. I mean he even gave up the opportunity to leave prison just so he could stay with his boyfriend Arif the other Muslims.

I know some people say that Said's death was fitting for the show (sudden, random, and by a stranger) but likeeeee. Idk I just did not gaf about that Idzik dude like come on they couldn't have come up with anything else?

Source: https://www.unaoc.org/repository/Esposito_Jihad_Holy_Unholy.pdf

#oz #hbo oz #Plz its licherally 3am if this is incoherent or if there's typos that's why #I'm just a random muslim girl not some religious scholar soooo #I've been dwelling on the idea for like a week but was struggling to organize my thoughts #I need to rewatch the whole show so that I can get a clearer picture on the situation #Hopefully when I reread this in the morning it won't sound totally stupid lmao

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kyber-crystal · 2 years

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head in the clouds || bradley “rooster” bradshaw

summary: after a mission gone wrong that almost costs you your life, you and rooster get into an argument. said argument ends up revealing more about him than you thought you knew

words: ~1.7k

warnings: mentions of near-death experience(s), allusions to trauma, blood, and angst. this has a vv happy ending tho i promiseeeee.

a/n: i can’t stop writing. someone please stop me. i need help

They didn’t call you Viper for no reason.

You struck down your enemies hard and fast, and flew exactly like your father. Some even opted to calling you Maverick 2 rather than your actual callsign. (The real reason for the name was because you’d gotten bit by a snake as a kid, but you elected to forget that moment.)

“Viper, stand down. You’re dangerously close to enemy territory. Start heading back,” Rooster warned. “You have exactly forty-two seconds before you get on their radar and they’re on your tail. This isn’t something you can do alone.”

“I can handle it,” you grunted in reply as you gripped the yoke of the plane, now 100% in control. Adrenaline shoots through your veins and you can’t help but crack a smile. A little turbulence wouldn’t kill you; you’d be fine.

You heard Rooster’s shouts of objection and concern through your mic, but kept going. Today was not the day for giving up and going home early—it never was, and never would be. You were not going to go down without a fight.

You’re determined to prove yourself—to your father, but also Rooster. You’re dead set on impressing everyone with your skill, even if that meant flying into danger. And risking your life in the process.

It was all part of the job, anyway, so what was the big deal?

You’re pulled out of your sea of thoughts by a blaring alarm. The lights dim, and your heart races. What the hell was going on here…

A sudden jolt of turbulence makes you jerk forward in your seat, and you tighten your grip. “Shit,” you muttered a colorful string of swears under your breath. One quick glance up ahead and to your right shows two enemy fighters closing in on you, and closing in fast.

“Damn it,” you tried to keep your calm as you activate the flares, making a straight climb upwards in an attempt to evade the adversary. “No no no no no, please—”

The controls panel flashed a bright red, and the alarm kept going. “I got hit. I think I lost an engine. They caught me.”

Rooster’s blood turned to ice at your statement. “Viper, you need to turn back now. Can you make it out?”

“No!” you shouted in reply. “I’m locked in. Back and sides. I don’t know if I can m—”

“Viper.” You couldn’t hear what he’s saying as your suffered another hit to the side, and your jet dipped. You were losing altitude and balance and you felt yourself getting lightheaded. “Viper, do you copy?”

“Heading northwest at 430 knots. Increasing speed to 490,” you responded, voice shaking, “Running low on missiles.”

At this point, you’re hanging on by a thread, and staying awake is becoming more and more difficult. You’re able to get a missile lock on the bogey up ahead with seconds to spare. But then your plane shoots downwards, and you start spiraling out of control.

“Rooster, I need to take them down.”

“No, you don’t,” he said through gritted teeth. “Viper, eject now. There’s no other way out of this.”

“I already got one! I need to take down the other, and then I’ll land this plane!”

“Y/N, listen to me.” Your father comes online, and his voice is stern; commanding. “You need to get the hell out of here and eject. Don’t risk your life more times than you need to. You’ve done your job already.”

“Dad…”

“Y/N. I’m not gonna ask you again—”

The ringing in your ears grew louder and louder. Your head was heavy and all the color drained from your vision. You fell back against your seat.

You barely managed to press the button in time, hands shaking and heart palpitating. Your head hit the canopy as you ejected, and the world tilted on its axis, spots crawling across your vision.

The last thing through your mind before everything goes black is the clear panic in Rooster’s tone.

You’re snapped back to reality by someone shaking you awake. With blurry eyes, you make out Rooster kneeling over you. Behind him is what appears to be your jet, crumbling as it went up in flames.

“Y/N, how many fingers am I holding up?”

You squint. “Two…?”

Rooster goes cold. “Three. Y/N, you’re not in good shape. Mav’s on his way with backup. We’re taking you home now.”

“Home?” you croak out. “Why are you here? I’m supposed to be dead.”

“You’re not dead, thank God,” he exhaled, running a hand down his face. “Thank God you’re alive.”

Blood mixes with the sweat and tears on your face, and it looks like you’re crying red rivers of ash. You press a hand to the side of your forehead, and it comes away stained dark crimson. Your head is still swimming, and it takes everything Rooster has not to panic in front of you. You’ve seen enough, and the last thing he wants is for you to see him freak out. Even though he is very much so freaked out.

“It’s going to be okay, you hear me? It’s going to be okay.” He’s breathing hard, and he’s trying his best to stay calm. “It’s going to be okay. We��re going to be okay.”

Your eyes flutter shut, and you lose yourself in the dark void of nothingness.

When you come to your senses once more, you’re in the med bay. Across the room from your cot is Maverick slumped over in a chair, mug on the coffee table next to him. He must’ve been here all night. He senses that you’re awake and makes his way over to you.

“Sweetheart,” your dad starts. “You scared the living daylights out of us.”

“Are they gone?” you question, referring to the bogey fighters you’d encountered earlier. “Tell me they’re all gone.”

“Hangman and Coyote swooped in and handled the rest. The job’s done.”

“That’s good.” You close your eyes and smile. “That’s really good.”

“You suffered a bad concussion, three cracked ribs,” Maverick explained. A familiar look of hurt flashes across his face, and your heart drops. You know that look. “You’re very lucky to be alive.”

“Yeah.” You swallowed hard, and try to sit upright. “I know.”

He helps steady you, placing a careful hand on your back. “Easy there. Don’t be so rough on yourself or you won’t recover as fast.”

“Where’s Rooster?” you croaked out. “Is he here?”

“In the hallway. He missed two training sessions since we flew back in with you,” he explained. “Refused to leave your side. I tried getting him to go out but he’s stayed camped out on the floor waiting for you. Do you want to see him?”

You nod. He leaves the room, and comes back a few seconds later with an exhausted-looking Bradley Bradshaw. Rooster’s shoulders slump in relief upon seeing that you’re okay.

He sits down by your side, the bed dipping under his weight. You’ve never seen this softer side of him before and it makes your heart ache in more ways than one.

“Hey.”

Rooster shakes his head. His voice comes out hoarse. “You almost died out there.”

“When’s the last time you slept?”

There are tears in his red-rimmed eyes. “You had a narrow brush with death, and the first thing you ask when you wake up is about how much I slept? Are you serious?”

“Rooster…”

“God forbid you actually got yourself killed,” he breathes out. “I’d never forgive myself for it.”

“But I’m okay, and that’s what matters.”

“No, it’s not okay! You’re not understanding the point here. Your overconfidence almost cost you your life. If you had gotten out of there a second later…” He begins to raise his voice, but trails off as he notices you wince. “...We’d be taking you back home in a body bag.”

“Forgive me for putting myself in danger and being a self-sacrificial brat,” you scoff. “It’s not like I was trying to stamp down the enemy or anything. If I hadn’t been out there when I was, even more chaos could’ve erupted.”

“And would your death be worth a fraction of victory?”

“Yes.”

“My god, you’re insufferable,” Rooster sighs. “It’s unbelievable that you have such little regard for your life.”

“How is my life any of your concern? What does my well-being have to do with you?”

“I can’t lose you the same way I lost my dad,” he finally says, and that’s when it hits you. This is how Goose died—something had gone wrong as he was trying to eject, and he never returned to base. Guilt overwhelms your senses as you realize he must be reliving his worst nightmare all over again—through you. “Y/N…you’re all I have left. And I’d be damned if you leave this world without knowing how I feel about you.”

Your mouth runs dry. “...What?”

“I’ve been put through hell enough times. I’m begging you…please don’t make me go through it again.” Rooster’s voice is cracked and hoarse as he places a hand against your cheek. “At least promise me that.”

You cup his face in your hands, thumbs skimming over his cheekbones. Heaven’s sake…even sad, he looked so breathtaking. “I promise.”

He moves in to close the distance between you and you meet him halfway, lips colliding together. His hands are shaky as they run through your hair, and the kiss is frantic and rushed and in far less ideal of a situation than either of you could’ve imagined. But it’s more than you could’ve asked for, and because of that, it was enough.

Rooster pulled away to catch a breath, but you pulled him back seconds later and kissed him again. You’re most likely going to lose your breath but you couldn’t care less in that moment. Fate kept you alive when you shouldn’t have been, and it was fate that would bring you back into his giving arms.

“From here on out,” he holds you tight, resting his head in the crook of your neck, “you’re sticking with me, no matter what.”

“I’m not complaining,” you hummed in contentment. “I’d like that very much.”

tags: @rentskenobi @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo @valorax @lifeisfullofupsanddownsliveit @sarcastic-sourwolf @ice-mans-world @burnedbrisket @fangirlinc @marveljunkie45 @knowledgefulbutterfly @levis-butterfingers @organabanks @coastingline @skylynch03 @chaoticassidy @hbstre @fantasias-creativebubble @mercury-mae @light-the-moon @winteryoungie @aie1840 @thisismypointofview @worldsoldestpizzaslice @minivture @i-wish-everything-would-be-okay @t-stark35 @thesunsetphantoms @danirose-0420 @thespeeder @lyn-lc

#top gun: maverick #top gun #bradley bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #rooster x reader #rooster bradshaw x reader #miles teller #miles teller x reader #top gun fanfic #top gun x reader

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yaomomvs · 3 years

Text

TAKE OUR HAND

seijoh x manager!reader

in which aoba johsai vbc just wants you to take their hand, just as the many times they have reached for yours when they needed it

pls i’m sorry i just wrote this for comfort, in having a terrible week and so, i just really need my seijoh boys to comfort me even if it’s just in my head and just so you know, and as i’ve been trying to convince myself, things always get better

tuesday, [15:56 pm]

“nice kill yahaba senpai!” kindaichi congratulates his upperclassman.

his voice makes you react, it scared you. still holding your pen and the notebook you always carry around even on normal practice days, your hand threatens you in the most scary way possible.

fuck no, just... breathe.

you are quick to leave aside the notes, and so, you look around to the boys, who just after the coach’s whistle sounds they are quick to approach your spot.

you take the water bottles as quickly as you can.

“oh y/n-san, i know we are irresistible but you can’t just slack off admiring us!” makki teases you laughing.

“if our dear manager is admiring someone is obviously me” oikawa says, before taking a sip of his bottle, slightly making you blush even more.

“i don’t think she likes idiots who still watch youtube conspiracy videos at 3am”

“iwa!”

“weren’t you the one with a secret obsession for romance manga, iwaizumi?” it’s mattsun time to expose his friend. iwai mi doesn’t hesitate and he runs directly to matsukawa, while kunimi brings out his phone to start recording the chaos in the gym.

you don’t listen.

your head hurts, and then, you once again feel this weird thing in you stomach. you have been feeling like this for the past week, and you try to ignore it . but sometimes, you just want the world to stop.

you can’-

“y/n senpai?” watari calls your name, and you notice his furrowed brows looking at you, worried. you blink and correct your posture. you had just zooned out. “is everything ok?”

“ah yes watari kun!” you force your self to sound relaxed because you feel the sudden gaze of the entire team “i was just thinking in a smart way to insult oikawa, but i’m worried he won’t understand tho”

“hey! you said i was your favorite”

you fake laugh once again assuring everyone that you were just fine. the day goes on, and somehow is becomes more difficult to just stay down not worrying about anything.

and they notice.

you don’t walk home with the guys today. instead you run to the bus not before excusing yourself with an ‘urgent family thing’

“just please don’t let makki eat so much ramen today!” you giggle as you run to the bus “i’m not in the mood to dealing with diarrea!”

“that was a secret between us darling!” the pink haired guy screams cheeks blushing.

and maybe you were just too distracted, but before you face them away some of them notice how quick your smile fades.

“you know guys” yahaba is quick to say “call me crazy but, why did she lie?”

—

wednesday, [10:22 am]

when was the last time you actually enjoyed school? not practice, but school itself. seeing numbers everyday in the board that you don’t understand is frustrating. your throat hurts, there’s has been a not there since the begging of the day.

swallow it, y/n, dammit

you decided to take this class, don’t blame the world, blame yourself. isn’t it supposed to be simple? why isn’t it being simple? is that...

"Square root of 57 is equal to Xo, miss"

"alright!"

it is not like it’s a race, you want to say. why was the teacher obsessed with speed?, it’s unfair. your time is not the same as that of others.

you drop the pencil and you recline in your chair, why couldn’t you do operations and analysis as fast as they could? you take a look around and the eyes of others look frightening. you see ambition, you see security, you see admiration.

the bell rings and you just want to run, and well in a way you end up doing it. leaving your homeroom, you tell your friends that for today you want to be alone, the halls of aoba johsai are big, for your fortune or misfortune. you go to the vending machine and when your drink falls, the minimum noise makes you startle, lately it’s like that, small noises or actions affect you way too much.

and iwaizumi notices it.

you don’t make a single move, it’s just the cold drink resting on your hands. and before iwaizumi could stop mattsun, he was already putting his hand on your shoulder.

“y/n!”

the orange juice spills and once again fear takes hold of you.

you see them both, you’re not stupid and you know hajime stares at you weirdly, and now mattsun, you hide your fear it a bit worse than yesterday, but you do anyways.

"someday, Matsukawa-san, YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME! and what will you do without me?" you try to say cheerful, wanting to take away the suspicion, for a moment it works.

"flunk history, that leads me to..."

"no, sweeheart, i won’t give you my homework"

you walk and both guys follow you, one faster than another, very naive of the situation. "I begin to believe you hate me," says Mattsun, as the three sit on a bench near the school cafeteria casually encountering kunimi who quickly joins you, patting the folds of your skirt as you sit down, you rest on the table and admire his needy expression and as the tantrum of mattsun grows.

minutes go by, your chest pain grows, but somehow you know how to let it go.

with your hands supporting your face, lunch passes between you and kunimi, you try to talk, you really try.

but still, your eyes just glow, and kunimi notices how it’s not the glow you always have.

—

thursday [12:03]

your head is spinning, you can feel the cold sweat. will this be the time? why do you feel so small? why can’t you say it?

it’s familiar, you recognize this feeling, an ocean, you’re floating, you know you can swim, but, you’re in the middle of nowhere, you look down. Out of nowhere the intimidating depth of the ocean is beneath you. And then, you sink. You feel like you’re drowning, you feel like you’re fighting the tide, but you just can’t do it.

i just need...

no, it’s not time yet, it’s still training. the boys... you’re the one who should take care of them, you’re the one who has to be be fine. they had no time to lose, they had a goal and for the moment that was the most important thing.

On that bench, your gaze is absent, you know it is so.

and through the window that overlooks your classroom, oikawa notices it too

“y/n...” he mumbled.

of course he’d noticed. at first it was not so clear, but now he remembers.

when kindaichi pinned your dark circles to him, while admiring you by fitting volleyballs in a way not of your own.

makki watches oikawa from your side, you don’t even know the pink-haired guy is there, unaware that he’s sitting next to you. but he notices. he’s been noticing for days that your eyes are threatening to close in the middle of class.

hanamaki catches your attention and instantly that mask you’ve been wearing for weeks appears again.

"hanamaki, i’m fine"

it doesn’t convince them. they both look out the window and nod.

oikawa notices, and god, he wished he had no reason to.

—

friday [14:00 pm]

breathe.

please just... breathe.

you’re fed up. the feeling of guilt and discomfort is still there, can’t you be calm? people don’t need to know, but why do you want to shout it?

the dressing room is alone, the girls from the soccer team are out and it’s your only chance.

the team needs you, hold on a little.

your footsteps are heard in the hallway once again, a symphony you’re tired of listening to.

your chest hurts, your heart is aching, but you just need a little more. hands are shaking, the cold in your body, you need to stop.

you have to make them stop.

but when you walk into the gym, even with your eyes down, all you feel is warm. and it’s because, the boys were standing, aligned begging for you.

no, they beg for your sake.

and everything stops.

one hand from him on your neck, and one hand around your shoulders.

because oikawa, without warning, now has you in his arms.

and then, only then, you break.

tears don’t take long to come out, along with desperate sobs. your legs fail and out of nowhere, you and oikawa are on your knees.

with an alarmed look, the whole club runs towards both, surrounding you as sensibly as possible.

"i’m sorry, i’m sorry I’M SORRY" is heard from you, between hiccups.

“love, listen...” iwaizumi approaches you,somehow he managed to catch up with you, somehow he managed to hold your hand.

"i promise i didn’t want to, but i can’t, i can’t anymore, why can’t i? i try and i try and i keep trying but it’s never enough! IM TIRED OF SEEING SOMETHING AND NOT BEING ABLE TO PROCESS IT LIKE THE OTHERS. I’M TIREDD OF NEVER FULFILLING WHAT I SHOULD”

yahaba’s heart aches, and just as most of the team, is shocked.

your hands, oh your adorable hands, those hands that bandage his in the middle of an important game, he sees them shaking horribly between iwaizumi’s.

“AND I’M SCARED, WHAT IF I LOSE YOU BECAUSE OF THAT BECAUSE OF ME? BECAUSE OF HOW I AM I-“

watari is quick to place your hair gently behind your ear, a kunimi covers you with his jacket.

“I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I DONT RECOGNIZE MYSELF” you lower your voice, its cracked now “oikawa I don’t recognize myself, I want to be me again" you whisper, and a knot appears in the captain’s throat, and he puts a hand on your cheek "please... just let me be me again" your throat burns, your eyes get redder.

the gym goes silent, your words still echoing in everyone’s head.

“why didn’t you-“

“i just couldn’t” you blame yourself cutting oikawa off “look at us! we are waisting time on me when we should be- i’m the one who has to- im you support not-“

“hey hey, love...” iwaizumi whispers his voice is filled with sweetness, letting you sit correctly and softly rubbing his thumb in your hands “how many times have you been there for us? y/n your hand is always there”

“that’s true” kyotani says, finally saying something, emotions overwhelmed him a lot, but he genuinely wanted to help you.

“there’s something about you, there’s light” kindaichi follows up.

“no matter where, or how bad we are, somehow you always are helping us stand up” mattsun also tries to carefully approach you, he wants nothing more for you to feel safe.

and oikawa’s arms were still around you. he never stopped.

“we have reached your hand so many times, so now it’s time for you to please take ours” oikawa holds you face, and you see the sincerity and kindness behind his brown eyes, it feels like home.

mattsun does a sign asking the coach for a day off, both of them smile tenderly at you and give the green flag. iwa and makki are next to hold you carefully helping you stand up. they help you stop shaking but it’s mad dog the one who wipes your tears away with a tissue watari handled him. still not knowing if he did it the right way. you still feel kunimi’s scent. you still see kindaichi holding your school bag making sure nothing is missing. yahaba is the one bringing you water. and oikawa still refuses to let you go.

all of them feel like home.

“thank you”

and that’s how you know everything is going to feel fine.

because this club was yours and you were theirs.

this was home.

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Photo

*rubs hands together*

The first thing to talk about with this episode is the pacing, and I think this might contribute to why people think it’s the best/least bad of Season 4 (personally, I’d rather watch “Furious Fu” but that’s just me; also, this isn’t the only contributing factor as to why I think people might feel this way, but I’ll get there later).

The episode has a very serious pacing issue, particularly with its more intense scenes. There’s only one minute of time dedicated to Ladybug landing on her bed, de-transforming, and her snapping at her friends plus them leaving. More time was spent on Chat Noir and Ladybug in the movie theater and Ladybug storming out.

I particularly remember watching the episode and getting eighteen minutes in, at which point I had the realization of, “It feels like nothing’s happened?”

This episode is supposed to be a big gut punch, but the season has been going by at the speed of sound, like they’re trying desperately to play all their cards at once (Lukanette break-up, Adrimi break-up, then Alya is told Marinette’s secret identity). Instead of letting things build and play out for a while in the interest of suspense, the show just throws whatever will get a big reaction out of the fandom (whether positive or negative) and it doesn’t care how shoddily put together everything is. The first two episodes feel like hastily put together drafts, and while this one is technically more put together, it still feels like a draft.

Let’s just start with Chat Noir, who feels completely out of place in the episode. Not only does he imply that he intentionally calls Ladybug “Bugaboo” (which she has told him to stop doing) in order to get a reaction out of her, but when Ladybug insists that she doesn’t want to talk, he tricks her into thinking that he has a good location to do so (and my heart breaks a little at how readily she trusts him) only to then take her to a romantic movie, then shush her when she calls him out for it because she “said she didn’t want to talk.”

Gee, and people wonder why she didn’t tell him her secret (even outside of “Chat Blanc” existing)?

And... look, I know it’s a joke, but I do not find it funny. The “joke” is basically that Chat Noir is taking advantage of the situation to flirt with Ladybug, and though I find it at least mildly cathartic that Ladybug is unaffected by all the people staring at them while Chat Noir is embarrassed, this episode is coming right after the one where Kagami broke up with Adrien, and here Chat Noir is getting his flirt game on. I already talked about all my problems with “Lies” so I won’t do it again, but I’ll just say that it’s not a mystery why Ladybug doesn’t want to talk to him and would rather avoid her problems.

(Not to mention that Ladybug knows that Chat Noir likes her, so talking about her romantic problems with him is awkward to say the least and would come off as insensitive.)

Honestly, at this point I feel like they must be building to something with Chat, like Ladybug finally going off of him with no mercy and that forces him to give up/fall out of love for her because reverse love square, but if that’s what they intend to go for, then that means Marinette is going to fall for this guy who’s repeatedly disrespected her feelings for multiple seasons, almost abandoned her and let Paris drown because she wouldn’t tell him a secret that wasn’t hers to tell, and just generally all the other things he did????

Ugh, I don’t wanna think about it. Let’s just move on.

Talking about Ladybug and her rant next, it basically summarizes the whole show in a nutshell, but simultaneously casts a shadow of sorts over “Truth” for people who maybe missed the episode entirely (which is also sort of the show in a nutshell). I mean, Ladybug confirming to the audience that she was genuinely in love and happy with Luka (you can’t watch how depressed she was over the break-up and not think that) was great, but Ladybug’s dialog implies that Luka “hated secrets” and that’s why they broke up, when Luka was more just... hurt that she couldn’t be honest with him, and he didn’t actively hate secrets. Marinette broke up with him because she felt like she had to; because she had to keep ditching and lie to him.

In addition, what she says also hints to the audience that they’ve both held and kissed each other, which not only indicates cowardice on the part of the staff (”yeah this happened but--um--off-screen; we’d still like credit tho plz”), but may perhaps go back to the theory I had about how Adrimi and Lukanette were supposed to last longer in Season 4 but their arcs got cut (based on the Adrimi kiss having supposed to have gone off). This could mean that Ladybug’s statement was originally accurate to canon but the scenes got cut and the scriptwriters just awkwardly left it in, which is made more awkward by the cinema scene in “Truth” that felt like Luka and Marinette were kissing for the first time (again, alluding to the whole, “this entire season has been a draft” thing).

Also, if you think about what that actually means - that Luka and Marinette did have successful dates and kisses but they were off-screen - then all it adds up to is that showing Marinette happy and comfortable was something that the series didn’t deem as “interesting/fun enough” to show, because Marinette being happy isn’t something they want to see; only watching her be miserable, which is exactly what Ladybug says, along with how everything was “almost too simple, too easy,” because Marinette isn’t allowed to have nice things without being jammed through the wringer first.

And... sure, let’s say that Chat Noir thought the movie was genuinely a good idea; let’s assume that it could be a joke, him wanting to flirt, and him believing that it’d make her feel better somehow.

If that’s the case, then where’s the apology when it fails miserably? Ladybug goes from her semi-anxious state at the start of the episode (a little scatterbrained but ultimately just looking for a distraction), to outright enraged by the movie, and then to this upon leaving the cinema.

She just got her heart broken from being forced to break up with a boy she genuinely wanted to be with and there’s not a single, “Okay, maybe coming here was a bad idea, I’m sorry,” (which could’ve been seen as another joke with the audience like “lol no duh Chat Noir” so there’s no excuse not to have it) or, “My bad, that was insensitive of me. I really thought this would’ve helped but I wasn’t thinking about what you would’ve wanted.”

No. The only people Chat apologizes to are the other people at the theater because he’s embarrassed by Ladybug’s reactions, yet he himself feels no remorse for taking her there and has the gall to go on now about how he’s “there for her if she wants to talk.”

Again, it’s no wonder Ladybug doesn’t want to open up to him.

And I’m sorry, I just don’t buy that Marinette suddenly has all this free time. It’s one thing for her to have a little more time now that she’s broken up with her boyfriend (likely avoiding spending time with him altogether now), but “Truth” went out of its way to talk about all of the emergencies she had to deal with and how she doesn’t have any spare time. which is causing her to become forgetful and lose track of certain events (patrols with Chat, dates with Luka, etcetera), yet Marinette spends most of “Gang of Secrets” simply sulking on her bed. It’s so jarring to go from “Truth” where she was doing “too much” (which I called them out on for not describing what the “too much” she was doing was) and now “Gang of Secrets” where she’s not doing anything.

It’s almost like they invented that plot point to break Lukanette up and it served no purpose outside of it.

Furthermore, the scenes of her finally talking to Tikki and then deciding to live as Ladybug does nothing outside of making the plot more predictable, the latter because of the “Alya almost sees Ladybug” moment (an obvious indicator that Marinette is losing control and is struggling to maintain her secret identity due to her emotionally breaking down) and the former because of Tikki herself and what she doesn’t say.

Because, really, think about what actually goes on in the scene. Marinette (eyes rimmed red and filled with unshed tears, as she is for a good chunk of the episode) is venting to Tikki about - yes - her love life, but also that she has to lie to everyone in order to keep her identity a secret. The fact that Tikki focuses solely on the note of Marinette’s love life and not say a word about the identity/lying issue or even consider telling Marinette, “hey, this is clearly too much for you, you should tell someone, I think the benefits outweigh the risks right now,” really proves that the episode tried to avoid the topic altogether to try and make the ending more shocking (which ironically made it more predictable).

So yeah, not only does Tikki’s dialog with Marinette provide nothing except for a line about how she can’t help Marinette with love issues due to kwami not falling in love (alright, I guess aros can’t give good love advice then or have any input whatsoever), but Marinette’s line about lying to everyone being why she can’t pursue Adrien nor Luka is repeated in the very last scene of the episode. The only reason that scene and the scene after exist is because the writers needed Marinette to be emotionally devastated enough to leave for her balcony as Ladybug for the almost-reveal to Alya and so Rose would get close enough to the dollhouse to have an almost-reveal with the Miracle Box, making the scene feel further contrived because the emotional punch of Marinette wanting to live as Ladybug lasts for barely any time at all.

And it could’ve served a purpose, like if Ladybug had genuinely left and Alya finds her goggles and towel, recognizing them from a news story about how Ladybug had gone to the swimming pool after losing her temper at the cinema, which could’ve led to Shadow Moth making the girls believe that Ladybug was no longer heroic and had kidnapped Marinette, or... heck, Ladybug coming back inside would’ve been so much less jarring if she came back because she heard the girls’ voices talking about the dollhouse and had to hurry (but of course, then they’d have to point out the ridiculousness of Ladybug not hearing Alya calling her and the girls not hearing Ladybug literally shouting for Shadow Moth to come fight her, even though the kwami heard the girls calling for Marinette from the balcony).

But instead, the entire scene feels off and unnatural, forcing every part of it in order to get to where Marinette has to snap at the girls to make them leave.

(Oh, by the way, just a little detail to add to the annoyance: they bothered putting Tom and Sabine in the episode when the girls are leaving, clearly saddened by something that happened, and neither parent even bothers to go and check on Marinette to see if she’s upset or just to see what might’ve happened. They’re such a “blink-and-you’ll-miss it” moment in the episode and it’s not like I’m surprised because they’ve done this multiple times by now but really?)

As for the girls themselves... oof, where do I even begin?

Alright, first off is the annoyance that they assume Marinette’s problems relate only to lovesickness. Marinette has been an anxiety-prone mess throughout the entire series, and suddenly now the girls care about Marinette’s love problems on an emotional level rather than “we’ll meddle sometimes unless we don’t feel like it and be wholly inconsistent on how much we push for it.”? It’s not that I don’t see how they came to the conclusion (hearing that Luka and Marinette broke up and now seeing Marinette is depressed, it checks out), but considering they bothered noting that Marinette hadn’t told them anything, one would think they’d come to the conclusion of, “okay, we haven’t talked to her, we have no idea of what’s going on, maybe we don’t know her as well as we thought then and shouldn’t make guesses.”

Secondly is the “eternal friendship bracelet,” which comes off as a copy of the “Secrets” game from “Syren” extremely manipulative. Mylene goes on to explain that one is supposed to give a secret to the pearl “mentally,” yet when the girls actually show up to see Marinette, they expect to be told the secret directly. I’ve already talked at length about peer pressure and the mental stress Marinette goes through when they mock her and/or meddle for her, but this idea of, “well we all used this friendship bracelet after we mutually agreed to it so now it’s your turn because we said so!” just comes off really bad. I know the episode is going for this idea that their hearts are in the right place, but they’re really not. It feels like they’re the ones in denial and are trying to compensate by forcing Marinette to prove that they’re friends, unable to handle the idea that they might not be as close to her as they thought.

Thirdly, the show acts as if the girl squad are her only friends when we know that’s not true because we’ve seen episodes like “Befana” (the guys in the class), “Reverser” (Marc), “Ikari Gozen” (Kagami), and “Silencer” (Ivan) that all established Marinette having more friends than just them, but for the sake of “drama” and the depressing line of, “at least I don’t have any more friends to lie to,” the episode just pretends like Marinette’s friends are limited to Luka (who she had to break up with) and the girl squad (who she forced to leave and refuse the friendship of).

Fourthly is the actual set-up and the sheer grossness of it all. The girls call Marinette and leave a message about how they much they love her and how she can talk to them “where and when” she wants, and then - immediately afterwards - decide that they’re going to go straight to Marinette’s house completely unannounced, go into her room completely unannounced (not even knocking, by the way), and when Marinette begs them to leave, Alya basically tells her that she’s overreacting. When Marinette demands that they leave, Alya refuses and makes demands right back that they won’t leave until she tells them what’s wrong.

So much for “where and when” she wanted, right? It’s already one thing for the girls to invade Marinette’s privacy and demand/guilt-trip answers out of her, but it’s another thing to give the illusion of respecting her feelings and personal space only to actively plan to go back on it. I can’t tell if it’s a bad draft that they didn’t catch in quality check (you know, the quality check that they definitely don’t have) or just an intentional way to make them seem more sympathetic so Marinette looks worse for driving them out, but either way, it’s awful and I hate it. I would’ve rather had them be all in on invading Marinette’s privacy and learn a lesson in the end than outright contradict themselves.

There are also little nitpicks I could make (like Juleka’s constant mumbling despite Luka’s crush on Marinette playing a role in the episode, Horrificator getting sidelined due to being mute, and the girls’ akumatization ultimately being for spectacle and nothing else, serving no purpose to the plot and being furthered by the fact that Timebreaker goes after Marinette despite it being a bad idea and Reflekta’s power clearly not lining up with any sort of plan), but the real issue issue here comes down to the fact that these are Marinette’s so-called “friends” and the episode refuses to address their actual issues.

Alix, who is known for making rude comments at Marinette (”Gigantitan,” “Chat Blanc,” “Miraculous New York”) and then gives mixed messages by going along with meddling anyway.

Mylene, who is the closest thing to a background character in the girl squad but nevertheless finds her way into being definite voice against Marinette in “Chameleon.”

Juleka, who blamed Marinette for things she didn’t do in “Reflekdoll” and got huffy with her until Marinette apologized for said things.

Rose, who outright screamed at Marinette in “Chat Blanc” over a freaking stuffed animal, which pressured Marinette enough that she snuck into Adrien’s room to deliver her gift which nearly led to the end of the world.

And, of course, Alya; freaking Alya. I don’t even have to go into every single thing she’s ever done because I have a history of giving her absolutely no mercy.

...But let’s go through some anyway because I want to.

“Copycat” - Alya gives Marinette a script and tells her to memorize it, then immediately pushes the “call” button when Marinette hesitates after Marinette had just told Alya that she’s awful at improv.

“Darkblade” - Alya takes a jab at Marinette when Marinette says that she’s too busy to be class representative, implying that Alya thinks that Marinette does absolutely nothing with her time.

“Gamer” - Alya is busy recording the gaming competition when she and Marinette were supposed to be researching for a term paper. Alya then scolds Marinette for wanting to use the competition to get close to Adrien only to do a 180 and put up a fight about it when Marinette decides to quit.

“Animan” and how “The Puppeteer 2″ follows up on it - oh, I’m not going to touch that particular point right now, but keep those in the back of your mind, because I am going to absolutely go off later

“Simon Says” - Similarly to Marinette’s parents, Alya gives zero damns about whatever might be going on in Marinette’s life that's causing her to miss classes.

"Despair Bear” - Alya laughs at Marinette being forced to kiss Chloe’s cheek and then outright compares Marinette to Chloe after knocking Chloe multiple times during the episode (sure, just compare your “best friend” to her multi-year bully, how "hilarious” of you).

“Gigantitan” - Alya has no qualms about mocking Marinette’s over her failures, even if it embarrasses her and she’s been through enough already.

“Frozer” - Alya tries to find ways for Marinette to prevent herself from third-wheeling for Adrien, but when Marinette tries to show character growth by wanting to go, Alya gets into a shouting match with the other girls over how Marinette has “liked Adrien forever and isn’t going to give up now”.

“Catalyst” - Alya claims that Marinette is only salty over Lila out of jealousy when “Frozer” exists and literally is the prime evidence of Adrien liking another girl and Marinette telling Alya outright and very genuinely that she’s not jealous.

“Chameleon” - Alya doesn’t care about her best friend sitting in the back by herself while Alya herself get to sit next to her boyfriend and everyone else in general gets to sit where they want (Alya even acting confused at the mere suggestion that she’d tried to engineer things to let Marinette sit next to Adrien), then not only believes Lila over Marinette but contradicts herself twice (asking Marinette for proof when she has none herself, then claiming that she wouldn’t let her best friend sit by herself).

“Christmaster” - Alya leaves Marinette to babysit so she and Nino can go out on a date.

“Desperada” - Alya suddenly is for Lukanette for literally one episode and doesn’t know how/doesn’t even try to cover for Marinette’s Adrien blindness despite mocking her for multiple seasons over it.

“Reflekdoll” - Alya invites Adrien to something that’s crucial for Marinette to focus on after Marinette has already told her not to and continues meddling to the point where it gets Juleka akumatized (she also doesn’t get punished for it and the blame gets thrown onto Marinette).

“The Puppeteer 2″ - Alya pushes her luck with Nathalie to try and get Marinette to come with her, Nino, Adrien, and Manon to the museum, then traps Marinette in a room with Adrien to force her to spent alone time with him, even abandoning and forgetting about the child that she offered to watch for Marinette so she and her boyfriend can go off alone.

“Miraculous New York” - Alya is told directly by Marinette that she needs help seeing Adrien as a friend, which leads Alya to do the exact opposite throughout the entire special, at one point shouting at Marinette and pressuring her to chase after a car, in the rain, while there’s a supervillain rampaging through Paris, and all of this right after the scheme that Alya had set up caused both Marinette and Adrien to go missing.

And just saying, as Marinette’s supposed “best friend,” Alya sure doesn’t know how to handle her. It was acceptable back in “The Bubbler” when she asked Marinette about signing the gift too late and the same goes for “Dark Cupid,” but by the time we get to late Season 2/3 and Alya refuses to learn Marinette’s weak spots (unless it’s to mock her) and adjust accordingly (like if she’d already made sure the gift was signed in “Chat Blanc,” which would’ve prevented Adrien seeing Ladybug at all due to the time difference), it starts getting infuriating.

A best friend is supposed to cover for their friend’s weaknesses. Alya doesn’t do that; she meddles and often drives Marinette’s anxiety even further up a wall with absolutely no consideration for Marinette’s feelings (”Dark Cupid,” “The Puppeteer 2,” “Reflekdoll,” “Miraculous New York”).

And here, she and the other girls are rewarded for it. Luka actively resisted his akumatization whereas the girls gave in immediately, yet Marinette still opens up to them in the end, likely because they had pressured her and made her feel bad for the secrets she was keeping while Luka was willing to actually wait for her to be ready to talk to him. I can’t put into words how frustrating it is watching these girls trample all over Marinette’s feelings, not have their worst actions called out, and then jump cut post-deakumatization to Marinette telling them exactly what they wanted to know about her love life.

You know what this entire episode is really missing, outside of a coherent plot, properly-paced development, and a basic understanding of rewarding a character for things they’ve held firmly to?

It’s missing the apology. Chat Noir apologizes to a bunch of moviegoers and Rose apologizes for the broken dollhouse, but no one apologizes to Marinette for how they treated her, especially not the “friends” who got rewarded in the end.

“Sorry, we shouldn’t have told you that we’d respect your feelings and then showed up unannounced to make you talk about them.”

“We’re sorry we came into your room and invaded your privacy. You were right to be mad at us.”

“Oh my gosh, Marinette, we got akumatized and we’re so sorry for literally all five of us going after you and probably scaring the living daylights out of you.”

And as if that wasn’t enough, guess what else this is missing? It’s kind of important and brought up directly in the episode, yet the episode simultaneously goes out of its way not to bring it up again.

It’s the reason why Marinette didn’t tell the girls about her relationship with Luka. It’s not there - it’s missing - and the girls never try to pursue the subject. They talk about how Marinette didn’t tell them but don’t think for a second that maybe it’s them who have failed as friends. Instead, they don’t guess anything about why Marinette wouldn’t tell them (which is already strange considering how much they already assume about her) and jump straight to, “well clearly we just need to push for her to talk to us.”

Gonna just go out on a limb here and say that maybe - just maybe - Marinette didn’t tell them because they are habitually pushy in everything they do.

Because they would’ve teased her relentlessly about, “ohhhh you’ve got eyes for Luka? what about Aaaaaadrien~? aren’t you sooo tooorn between both of these cute guys?”

Because they would’ve meddled to force her and Luka together and gotten on her case when/if she ever had to bail on him.

Because their intrusion on her feelings for Adrien had caused her nothing but problems and she just wanted to be with Luka in peace without them forcing their way into things.

Because--hey, wild thought--maybe they’re not really friends???

But the episode completely avoids it, because that would’ve meant addressing it; it would’ve meant acknowledging that they messed up, which - fun fact - they actually don’t do in the episode.

They invaded Marinette’s privacy, insisted that she tell them how she feels (not about them of course because that would imply that they felt like they screwed up), and in the end it’s Marinette who gives them exactly what they asked of her, and the closest thing we get to acknowledging anything is Alix telling her/joking with her that they’ll help her confess to whoever she likes as soon as she tells them she’s ready.

That’s not an apology. That’s not an acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Even when the five of them are about to get akumatized, it’s not a circle of them saying, “here’s how I screwed up, I could’ve done better but I didn’t and I lost Marinette because of it.”

No. It’s just them talking about how sad the situation is. Mylene has the closest thing to remorse in saying, “I hoped it would work,” but where does it go? A grand total of nowhere, especially because Marinette still takes the bracelet in the end instead of the girls mutually deciding, “okay, maybe the bracelet was a bad idea; how about we all agree on making something together instead, no requirements attached?”

And then the episode has the gall to act as if Alya has gone through character growth when all they did was put Alya through the same thing that Chloe did. I’ll explain that last bit momentarily, but first let’s talk about the whole “growth” thing.

Because there’s no apology or acknowledgement of wrongdoing, all Alya does when she’s finally alone with Marinette is do a 180 from where she was at the start of the episode, going from, “friends have to tell each other everything,” to, “hey, if you don’t want to tell me, then that’s your right.”

The crucial part that’s supposed to go in the middle is missing. Instead of acknowledging her failures, Alya just cuts straight to “””being a better friend,”““ but storytelling doesn’t work that way.

It literally would have taken zero effort to fit an acknowledgement into that scene. “You don’t have to tell me everything, I get that now. All my meddling’s done is hurt you and I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t trust me.”

In a world where Marinette has to apologize for everything, has to learn lessons and suffer because the narrative says so, I will not accept anything less from other characters who are trying to develop and improve. That’s not fair to Marinette, nor has it ever been.

Instead of properly developing Alya, the show does whatever it can to get its audience to root for her as Marinette’s “best friend” (ugh) without having to put in the effort of admitting that Alya hasn’t been Marinette’s “best” friend.

Remember when I brought up Chloe? Yeah, “Malediktator” did a similar thing, showing Chloe doing something awful, then being sad (while not actually acknowledging the thing she did wrong), and in the end she was rewarded with a miraculous prematurely.

One show of character from Chloe and Marinette gave her a miraculous. One show of character from Alya and Marinette told her that she was Ladybug.

(Also, for the record, I think Chloe is far worse than Alya character-wise and I’m not comparing their characters; this is just the simplest comparison I can draw here from a narrative standpoint.)

“Miraculer” is another apt comparison, perhaps even more so. Chloe got Hawk Moth in her head after an akuma landed in her photo of her and Ladybug, but Chloe resisted and fought back, ultimately forcing the akuma out of her and freeing herself from Hawk Moth’s control.

But it wasn’t to develop her character; no, it was to convince the audience of Chloe and Sabrina’s friendship so they’d feel something during Sabrina’s happy flashbacks, then lay the foundation of tricking viewers into believing that Chloe might not go to Hawk Moth’s side.

At the end of the day, it was doing something that’s “never been done before” in order for the character to earn brownie points for something that the writers can just have them do because willpower is an easy thing to just write in. “Gang of Secrets” does the exact same thing when Lady Wifi breaks free from Shadow Moth, with Ladybug even hammering it home by talking about how no one’s ever done it before.

And the pacing is - again - awful. Not only is Ladybug banking on this working when she herself says that it’s never been done, but the conversation between her and Lady Wifi where Ladybug tries to convince her doesn’t even take a minute.

It also has nothing to do with Marinette herself; Ladybug relies on Alya’s adoration/friendship with her as Ladybug (you know, after Alya took a photo of LadyNoir kissing and posted it online without Ladybug’s consent, betrayed her by putting information on the LadyBlog that Hawk Moth was able to take advantage of, and is the only hero outside of Chloe to resist returning a miraculous) in order to break from Hawk Moth’s control, because talking about Marinette with Lady Wifi didn’t even work.

(Ladybug also uses her yoyo as a portal to the Miracle Box when this has never been pre-established to be a thing despite Ladybug acting as if she knew it was; further proof that this episode was rushed.)

And of course talking about Marinette didn’t work, because that would’ve meant convincing Alya that her reason for getting akumatized was “wrong” and the episode didn’t want to do that. It didn’t want someone else actually learning something and feeling bad; surely, this is just Alya being manipulated by Shadow Moth and having the power to break free because Ladybug “needs Rena Rouge” and not because Lady Wifi and her friends are chasing after their supposed best friend and that’s--you know--wrong???

Rena Rouge’s reappearance is also yet another thing the episode refuses to address because it avoids the topic of “but my identity--”. At least “Heart Hunter” had the tact to have Kagami question why Ladybug was giving her the dragon again, but “Gang of Secrets” treads as lightly as possible on any discussion of identities outside of Marinette saying that she can’t, as if it were Marinette who made the choice of concealing her identity and not the basic idea of heroing that has been stressed over and over for the whole show.

Even Plagg of all kwami stated back in “Origins” that no one is supposed to know about secret identities, a rule that continues becoming flaky and muddled with each passing season, almost like they kept attempting to retcon and make the audience dulled to the idea so that the reveal in “Gang of Secrets” would be more acceptable.

But now, with the way they did it and how they don’t even have Tikki comment on the matter, it once again has it look like they’re making it - say it with me, everyone - Marinette’s fault.

Alya says that Marinette has a choice in telling her secret, Marinette insists that she doesn’t and goes on and on about how it’ll change everything, and then just... tells Alya her secret in the end.

And remember all the way back in Season 2? “Sapotis”?

Alya: What were you saying about her secret identity?

Marinette: Ladybug needs it to protect her family and friends. Otherwise the villains could use them to get to her.

Alya: Well, if I knew who Ladybug really was, I'd keep it a secret. I would even help her! Like say, if you were Ladybug, I'd cover for you — when you needed to transform in school, go fight the "baddies", you know?

Marinette: Oh yeah? Well, if I was Ladybug I wouldn't even tell you, to protect you from the "baddies", you know?

Alya: You serious? If I was Ladybug, I'd totally tell you! Because I tell my best friend everything.

And now here we are in “Gang of Secrets,” as if the narrative is saying, “See, Marinette? Alya was right all along, you were just being ridiculous and making yourself suffer for no reason!”

Yet Marinette had a right to keep her secrets. When Alya and Nino learned each other’s identities, Alya took a hit for Nino in “Catalyst” and both of them fell to Scarlet Moth’s akumas. Chloe was a mess and a half because of Hawk Moth knowing her identity. Fu had told Marinette that her miraculous would get taken if she and Chat Noir learned each other’s identities.

The only ones who received no consequences due to someone knowing their identity were Pegase (who Chat Noir and Markov knew), Ryuko (who Chat Noir, Ikari Gozen, and Hawk Moth knew), and Viperion (who Adrien knew). “Chat Blanc” also exists where Marinette got the impression that people discovering her identity would be a disaster, and even all the way back in “Lady Wifi” insisted that not telling anyone her identity was “listening to her head and not her heart,” and the narrative has relentlessly humiliated her for going with her heart, so yeah, probably for the best.

I hate that the episode avoids talking about anything identity-related outside of what comes out of Marinette’s mouth to make it appear like it was her choice all along. I hate that they had Tikki fixate on Marinette’s love problems instead of having her actually support Marinette and admit that Marinette should tell someone before she has a mental breakdown. I hate that the episode inserts Rena Rouge into the plot as if to brush all identity issues away so as to make Marinette’s identity reveal seem less jarring.

Now, of course I’m glad Marinette told someone. Of course I want her to get love and support from someone. Of course I think the benefits outweigh the risks, or I wouldn’t have written multiple fix-its where her identity gets revealed in some way or someone already knows.

But I didn’t want it to be Alya, because I knew how they’d do it. I knew they’d do it wrong and I knew that they wouldn’t have the courage to address Alya’s issues properly.

Those familiar with my blog will know that I’d been taking negative predictions for future seasons for a while and adding them to cards whenever they were proven right. Does anyone remember the Season 4 predictions that were proven correct for “Gang of Secrets,” specifically these ones?

- “Alya will suddenly be portrayed as a good/worthy friend to Marinette in/if there's an episode where Marinette tells her that she's Ladybug”

- “Alya resisting Shadow Moth/fighting back against him will be used to excuse telling Alya Marinette's secret identity“

- “Alya will know that Marinette is Ladybug first because "BFFs" despite being one of the worst candidates for it“

- “The secret that broke Lukanette up will be resolved in episode 3 when Marinette tells Alya“

Each and every one of those were mine, because I knew that whether Season 4 had a proper chronological order or not, the writers would not have the guts to develop Alya first and then have Marinette tell her in a future episode after Alya has properly earned it.

I knew that they wouldn’t take time to develop Alya. I knew that they would have Alya resist Shadow Moth to make Alya look “worthy” of the secret. I knew that Alya would swoop in during the last minute and a half of an episode, insisting that Marinette “didn’t have to tell her anything” when Alya had been pushy and insistent for the entire rest of the episode and the whole series in general, and would ultimately be rewarded with the big secret simply because she’s “the best friend” and that’s it.

The Alya at the end of the episode isn’t the Alya I’ve known for the entire rest of the series before this, or at the very least they turned her into an Alya I don’t recognize.

Alya claims during the ending scene that she knows that Marinette is hiding something beyond her love problems because she - as a reporter and “her best friend” - can sense such things, and all I’m left wondering is

w h e r e ?

Where and when has Alya been suspicious or worried about Marinette keeping a secret from her? What, back in “The Pharoah” where she didn’t immediately disregard Marinette for the role of Ladybug, or “Simon Says” where she vaguely teased Marinette about having a double life, both Season 1 episodes?

Where was Alya in “Truth” saying that she didn’t know Marinette’s secret but knew that she was keeping one? Where was Alya anywhere in Season 3 being concerned that Marinette hasn’t told her something? Where was this “supposedly very observant” Alya when Marinette needed her to out Lila because Lila got her expelled--oh wait, Alya “observed” that Lila did nothing and Marinette was just jealous.

What, is it only now that Alya suddenly “knows” that Marinette is hiding something else? Now, after Alya has already not known that Marinette was literally dating someone, even when Alya had multiples pictures of Marinette and said someone giving each other heart eyes and saw Marinette leaving school with said someone riding on the same bike together, you know, like normal, typical, average friends would?

Where’s the line where Alya acknowledges the problem? Where’s Alya sitting down with Marinette and admitting, “hey, I’m sorry I haven’t noticed this stuff, but I promise I’ll do better starting right now, and that’s how I know now that you’re hiding something else, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that it’s been hurting you”?

I can’t tell you where it is, but I can say that it’s certainly not in this episode. 60% of the episode features the Alya we knew from the rest of the series and then switches her out the second she’s de-akumatized for another Alya who hasn’t done anything that the old one has because she pretends like it didn’t happen.

You know how I know? Because of this absolute gut punch of a line that showed that the series wanted to handwave everything away.

“I know how to keep a secret.”

...Really? Does she now? Well, I hope everyone remembered my point about “Animan” and “The Puppeteer 2,” because I’m bringing it right back.

Considering that “Truth” has been burned into all of our memories, we all definitely remember when Truth shoots Alya and questions her on Marinette’s secret, to which Alya states that Marinette’s secret is, “She’s in love with Adrien Agreste.” Now, at the time of Season 4′s airing, this is very much not a secret, as most characters already knew about Marinette’s crush, to the point where it’d been broadcast on television during Season 2.

But do you know when it was actually a secret? Back in Season 1, specifically in the episode “Animan” where Alya told Nino.

And not only did she tell Nino, but she lied to Marinette by claiming that she didn’t, acting as if Nino knew that Marinette had a crush but didn’t know who she was crushing on, which is then directly proven false as Nino accidentally implies that he does know who it is. This is also after Alya had gotten on Marinette’s case for trying to set her up with Nino, and then she had the gall to say that she wouldn’t spill Marinette’s secret because she, and I quote, “doesn't go around making decisions for other people,“ a statement that is directly contradicted by this little thing known as everything Alya has ever said and done in the entire series.

And while Marinette meddling in Alya’s love life actually ended up working out for Alya, Alya meddling in Marinette’s by telling Nino who Marinette is crushing on comes back to bite Marinette - not Alya (because of course) - in the infamous episode of “The Puppeteer 2,” where Marinette realizes that Alya really did tell Nino that she was crushing on Adrien.

Marinette: You told me you wouldn't tell Nino!

Alya: I haven't told him. Right, Nino? I didn't tell you anything. (elbows him)

Nino: She didn't tell me. And besides, I told her I wouldn't tell.

Then, when she’s called out on it, Alya lies again, and shamelessly so.

Marinette: Why did you tell Nino everything? You promised you wouldn't!

Alya: I didn't, I swear! Besides, even if I had told him everything, he would still be clueless. Ugh, who cares anyway? I've set everything up with Nino, who doesn't know a thing, so you can finally pour your heart out to Adrien, girl!

And now, here we are one season later - and not even half of a season if you go by production code order - and Alya claims that she knows how to keep a secret.

No. No, she does not. In fact, she does even worse because she won’t even admit when she’s spilled said secret. I absolutely refuse to accept that Alya is “worthy” or “deserving” of learning that Marinette is Ladybug when she couldn’t even keep a basic secret like who her friend was crushing on.

And no, it didn’t matter that Nino was her boyfriend, or that maybe she thought it would work out because Nino was friends with Adrien. By that logic, Alya would tell Adrien that Marinette is Ladybug if she heard that Ladybug is who Adrien was crushing on and we all know how that would’ve gone.

Marinette has a right to tell her secret to whoever she wants and I’m glad that a burden has been lifted from her, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy that it’s Alya. That doesn’t mean I have to be happy that, after so many moments of Alya disrespecting Marinette’s feelings, she is the one who gets to hear the big secret that the fandom has been waiting for someone to find out about since the very start of the series.

Luka said it best in “Truth” that the truth is meant to be shared, not taken by force, but Marinette was forced to tell Alya by the narrative because Alya is her supposed “best friend.” It pushed Marinette to her breaking point, forced her to break up with the guy who has respected her agency and feelings since the day they met, and gave her a version of her “best friend” with the same name and face but with none of the responsibility from previous events so that said version was there at the right time and the right place to hear what had to be heard.

And in the end, I end up feeling nothing. Marinette doesn’t even have a “Marinette” reaction to saying it as one would expect; for her to blurt it out and then immediately start panicking until Alya hugs her to calm her down. Instead, Marinette just says it and stares silently at Alya - after blabbing this huge, very big deal of a secret - until Alya goes in for a hug (the “happy/hopeful” ending of which is why I feel like this episode also gets less flak, as the previous two ended off rather depressing/upsetting).

It’s off. Everything is off. The pacing, the delivery, and the logic that the episode uses. The emotion in Marinette’s voice when she’s rambling about how hard it is to keep her secret is so powerful, but then the ending hits and she just says it, breaking the momentum they had going. They pulled the card of Alya walking away too soon when they could’ve saved it, having Marinette go quiet and letting Alya take a few steps away in order to let the moment build before Marinette finally blurts out the secret she’s been painfully holding in.

But they didn’t, and I’m so many levels of dissatisfied. I wasn’t against the idea of Alya learning Marinette’s secret at some point (though honestly, Alix would’ve been a better pick considering that Bunnyx will know eventually anyway, and I say that not even liking Alix!), but not now; not when Alya had so much to work towards.

And now what? What happens now? Now Alya will turn against Lila, not because she learned to have faith and believe in Marinette, but because Marinette is Ladybug, which disproves Lila’s ultimate lie that got Alya’s attention in the first place? Now Alya will be supportive and less teasing/mocking whenever Marinette will be late, not because she understands that Marinette isn’t perfect and has so many other things on her mind, but because she’s Ladybug and has “hero stuff” to take care of? Now Alya will be careful about what she puts on the LadyBlog, not because she respected Ladybug and what Ladybug would want, but because Ladybug is now her best friend and that changes everything?

Because now, Alya has a free pass to all of that, the show making her spontaneously “developed” now so they won’t have to develop her later, and disappointing doesn’t even begin to describe it.

#category: salt #episode: Gang of Secrets #other: ml spoilers #category: long post #word count: over 7000 #other: ask and answer #((I know this is long so I did what I did in ''The Puppeteer 2'' where I had pictures to break it up.))

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

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Omg thank you so much for your posts about rinharu!! :"")) I was one of those people who were like "why are rinharu fighting again?? Did kyoani purposely seperate them /again/ just for the sake of drama ?? (And so that they have more oppurtunities to showcase other ships??)" I was really irked at first cuz i thought the first part of TFS is finally going to be a movie about rinharu being a powercouple, but! After reading your posts i realised that haru never really moved on from rin leaving, even in S3 the reason why hiyori's words affected him was because he thought he caused rin to leave (and by extension ikuya, but lbr haru wasn't as frustrated with ikuya nearly as much as he was with rin right) so i'm just here to say.. thank you so much for opening my eyes!!! Now i'm really looking forward to the second part!!

Awww no problem <3 tbh I've always said that free is one of those that has so many nuances left bts that it's sometimes confusing for those who aren't as invested I think. Like there's so many important things that are left out and are in additional materials, that some has no idea what's going on at times. Like back in the days when some interpreted s2 in the opposite way bc of that one thing. My point is that not everyone is even watches stuff like recaps for example (where there are in fact new easter eggs and so many important things like Rin's dad death aftermath etc), and even less read novels and checked side stories and dramas.

For example, in books this Haru's issue about him thinking he's cursed and hurts everyone with his swimming is a huge thing, when Asahi "lost his ability to swim" after seeing Haru's free. But in SD it wasn't adressed at all tbh.

And what Haru feels for Rin is such tornado of emotions, that surprised even me with all the descriptions, bc like it's real bad. Like that part I posted from the chapter when Rin leaves is at least understandable, since he leaves. But the way he reacts to him in general even when he just appears in his sight is always described as if someone tortures him for real lol. And he's always like "pls someone save me, I don't know how to deal with this, bc I've never felt such emotions before".

So basically, like yeah, he's as it is has this thing, when he thinks of himself as some bad omen, so he's very sensitive about it, but since everything Rin-related feels x100000000 for him, its just... well, it hurt for a very long time and sadly was just overlooked by a certain someone, so here we are.

I think we all at first believed that bc Rin's so shocked and in disbelief that Haru could even think that it was his fault in some way:

that maybe they talked about it bts or smth like after the relay. But it seems like Rin either forgot or most likely I think he maybe thought that Haru understood without words? I'm just real sad still that Haru didn't get to hear this speech:

I mean, they made it look by the end of s1 that it was about relay, which partially yeah, but for Rin it was really about Haru. You see what he said.. he said that that 1x02 race with Haru alone.. what made him want to swim again. This whole speech was not only about the fact that Haru wasn't at fault that he quit swimming in the first place, but about the fact that Haru is his lucky charm, that makes everything better. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HEAR THAT. So like for Haru it's to this day like "after I messed him up, Rin was saved with the power of friendship and a relay". But he was saved by Haru really. Bc according to s3 info, it was basically just about Haru being on the relay team. I don't try to demean their friendships or anything, but its just what it is.

And as I've said before in one post it's just fascinating that to this day Rin for example thinks that s1 shananigans were just about him and just his problem:

Haru thought it was about them and their problem:

So like my point here is I also up to the end of s2 thought that maybe Rei or Rin told that to him, bc we seemed to move on to another problems, until in Kizuna we were shown that he still dreams about that scene of Rin leaving. s3 Hiyori just exposed the wound really.

But also once again see what he said there, it's not just about that one time he keeps reliving, aka his first come back, its really just about each time Rin was leaving. Like the very first one already was bad, the second was the worst, bc he thought he hurt him and thought that bc of him he quit swimming, others are just painful bc by then it was already another kind of feeling. I mean, I do think that this first Rin's return to Australia thing needs to be cleared up since it's obviously still haunting him. But again it's just part of this. Haru after the Australian trip and "I've always admired you" and "without you I have nothing to aim for" and after TYM goodbye when Rin told him that he doesn't need a surprise party and that just swimming with Haru before leaving is the greastest surprise for him, he knows already about the way Rin feels about swimming with him... I think the reason why everyone is freaking out here is that bc the way it's executed it's just really about him constantly missing him and "why am I always have to longingly watch you leave, while you seem fine." If he was in a free race, but wasn't on a relay team, he'd get the same reaction. Its just all seasons combined that brought us here. We already in 3x01 without Hiyori knew that he wasn't handling Rin being far away again good. So tbh it's logical even without any explanation really. I mean, Rin does indeed leave and come back as he pleases and does what he wants without holding back or sometimes thinking about consequences. There's no lie here.

It's like since the beginning for Rin it was like "I found the gorgeous guy I adore and I want to swim with, I'll transfer schools just to nag him into swimming with me, it's not like he's gonna care if I leave after that." (he literally in the book didn't think it was a big deal)

For Haru it was like "I lived just fine, but this guy stormed into my life, made me want things I didn't think I'd ever want, got me addicted to him and then dropped me like a hot potato".

Rin's just very passionate about life and things he wants, like Haru for example, but he's really also very unobservant and very clueless at times.

But like just bc he doesn't know about Haru's existential crisis and all the pain he's truly in when he's leaving, doesn't change the fact that he at times didn't even treat him as a simple friend (because they can't be just friends I KNOW), but still things like "you could've called" "well sorry, I guess I'm just not good at it" are probably hurtful, considering the fact that you are good at it with everyone else tho, Rin sweetie. Like thanks for avoiding us the most and holding back and visiting us the last each time, we feel real special. Haru is like the opposite, he doesn't call anyone for example, but he can call Rin in the middle of the night if needed, he always does for Rin smth that's completely out of his comfort zone.

It's like some say "Rin didn't know he wanted him to call" or "he didn't know Haru felt guilty". He did know he wanted him to call and he didn't know Haru felt guilty and stopped swimming competitively when he stopped swimming, but then Rei told him and Natsuya in 3x03 reminded him about this too. Its just the fact that he doesn't want to add 1+1 and thinks "well, there's no way I can affect Haru like that right?", "he can't be that upset about Rin Matsuoka, right?". While facts are he IS literally the only one who affects Haru in such huge way. It's like everyone else can just pass him by and it's nothing, but he walks by and it's a whole "asdfghgfdsa why my body is on fire, its just Rin who's just standing there".

And I'm also buffled by this thing that some people really say stuff like "where did this come from, they were perfectly fine" etc, as if they ever had normal "friendship" relationship. I'm like when did they ever behave themselves okay? In 3x03 Rin is dying to call Haru, but can't do it, while he's constantly texting everyone including Nagisa. First thing he says in the airport when he comes back is "I'm home, Haru" to air, but then goes to hang out with Makoto and Sousuke, desperately looking for an excuse to see the one whom he from the beginning, as it was shown wanted to see the most, but in his opinion can’t without a reason. It's only when Makoto tells him that Haru was upset about Albert he quickly rans off out of there bc "hooray, I have an excuse to see my bae”. Like we know from the airport scene that he wanted to see Haru the most. If they're so as people say were doing great, than how do you exlain all of their s2 and s3 behavior for real? It's like as if in TYM Haru didn't lose his shit from some gossip about persimmons. I mean, they never settled anything really. And Haru is constantly scared of Rin leaving again since forever.

So it's complicated, but yes, we're super excited for p2, bc asdfghjhgfds.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka

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we-have-bangtan · 3 years

Text

I summoned you

Random one-shot #3

Pairing: demons!OT7 x witch!reader

Genre: fluff, fluff and more fluff, poly au

warning: swearing, its hella longggggg. <33

Part 2

Synopsis: The seven most powerful demons in the world were summoned for the first time in over a hundred years only to find out that their summoner is a little witch who was being hunted by witch hunters. She seeks protection from them but at what cost?

“Who the fuck summoned us?” Hoseok groaned feeling the familiar pain of transformation go through his body, “I don’t know but it better be worth it, I’m getting too old for this shit” Seokjin groaned as pain shot through his veins, black, bat-like wings erupting from his back as he fell to the ground in pain, the scars on his body burning up.

Namjoon wasn’t much better either, biting into a pillow as burning pain took over his head, his horns and fangs coming out for the occasion, it had been over a hundred years since they had last been summoned and they were bearing the pain of not transforming in all there years, Jungkook hissed as he felt his tailbone extend out of his body, piercing through his skin to form a tail.

Jimin and Tae held each other as each of their left eyes glowed bright, screaming as they changed from black to red, “I hope it isn’t an accident again or I’ll eat them alive” Jungkook groaned as he pulled himself off the ground grimacing at the pain that shot through his body.

Yoongi was the only one not in pain because he had been living in his demon form for a few years now, he didn’t have to transform.

“The spell was lost, I don’t know how someone is summoning us” he informed as Seokjin opened the portal to the mortal world, the portal would take them to where ever they were being summoned.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Y/n anxiously stared at the pentagram she had drawn on her cottage floor, she’d be over if this spell didn’t work. She could hear the villagers approaching, could see the glow of their torches from her window. They were climbing up the hill, coming for her life, this spell was her only way of living.

She didn't know why the villagers had turned on her so easily when she had never done anything to them. She had kept her witchcraft confined to her cottage and its surroundings, but they seemed to have found out, she would blame the church people for that, because they were at the beginning of the uprising egging the villagers on.

They had almost caught her an hour ago when she had gone down for supplies, her arms were bruised from their assault but she had managed to escape from them, but she could run anywhere except her cottage.

She couldn't run anymore, there was no where to run now, she either had to stand and fight, which she was too weak for, or she had to perish, which she was too stubborn for so she had taken to the last resort, the demon spell.

Her magic wouldn't be enough to Wipeout all the people who were marching up the hill to her cottage, they'd burn her on the stake if they caught a hold of her, it would be a death with no pride or honor.

She felt the air shift around her, the salt grains blowing here and there and the candles flickering, the wind picked up speed outside as a portal opened directly above the pentagram and a demon fell out, falling to the ground with a thud and a groan. She moved to help him up but quickly stopped as a scream came from inside the portal before six other demons fell on the first one. Chaos ensured as each of them yelled at the other to get off their wings or tails or any other body part, she loudly cleared her throat to grab their attention making seven pairs of eyes snap to her.

_________________________________________

"Did you summon us little girl?" Namjoon asked as he took in her condition, she was awfully malnourished, her arms bruised and frail, she was a timid little thing who he assumed wasn't much younger than Jungkook before he had been changed into a demon. The girl nodded, holding a wand in her hand, a witch, Seokjin realized before he focused on her arms, “How did you summon us little witch” he asked, he was pretty sure the spell to summon them was a 21+ spell and she barely looked 18+ to him.

“with the spell of course although I didn’t know it would summon seven of them, I would have drawn a lager circle had i known” she mumbled making Yoongi gawk at her statement, “HOW THE FUCK DO YOU CAST A SUMMONING SPELL WITHOUT KNOWING HOW MANY DEMONS IT WOULD SUMMON?? WE COULD HAVE RIPPED YOUR THROAT OUT THE MOMENT WE SHOWED UP HERE” Hoseok barked, snapping his fangs at her.

“I know, no need to be an arse about it” she retorted as Hoseok stared at her in disbelief, “well then why did you summon us little witch?” Taehyung intervened, “I need help,” she stated plainly. This piqued Jimin’s interest, they all were clearly thinking the same thigh judging from the look in their eyes, they were mates, he knew how they thought, “Are you sure you can pay the price for our services darling” Seokjin remarked sweeping his eyes over the mostly bare cottage.

This girl was clearly living alone, a cauldron with coals under it sat in one corner of the house and a winding staircase lead up to attic which he assumed was her bedroom. Clothes hung to dry near the fire place in another corner of the house, her cupboards were mostly empty other than a loaf of bread and a tin of something he couldn’t recognize. She clearly didn’t have much to give.

“What is your price?” She asked, Yoongi admired her guts, she was clearly working hard on trying to seem unafraid, although she failed miserably, at least she tried. The seven of them thought for a while when they head a loud bang on the door. The girls eyes widened in fear, “they’re here” she cursed as she cast a colloportus spell on the door, “hurry up please” she pleaded, “what’s going on? what help do you need?” Jungkook asked as Seokjin place a shield over the door blocking the people from coming in for a short while.

“They’re hunting me and i want them gone” she revealed, the boys looked up at her, “how sure are you that we won’t rip your throat once you set us free from this circle” Yoongi asked, “I don’t have anything to lose if you kill me the moment i let you free, I don’t have much to live for anyway” she answered, “we’ll discuss the price once we’re done” Namjoon warned as she cast the aqua eructo spell, a stream of water sprouting from the tip of her wand, wiping the circle of salt away just as a window shattered, glass spilling everywhere.

“Jimin, get her somewhere safe” Namjoon commanded his mate, the younger demon nodded dutifully before stepping forward and wrapping an arm around her waist, positioning his wings, “hold on tight” he warned as he too to the air, going out through the back door of the cottage, taking her to the roof of the cottage, “stay here while we sort that stuff out” he told her, taking off to join the others.

They possessed the humans, making them kill each other or they’d simply burn them to a crisp, she had expected them to be strong and powerful, but not this powerful, powerful to wipe out all the people who had come to attack her. She didn’t pay much heed to the humans who ran into the forests, she didn’t care where they went as long as they didn’t come near her or her cow, Morphus, who was currently in the shed, a little away from the clearing she lived at.

She noticed one of the church men trying to climb the roof to get to her but she quickly jinxed him, making him fall off the roof. Half way through the battle, Yoongi called in quits because the boys could deal with it without him, he joined Y/n on the roof top, folding his wings carefully to not hurt her, “Why don’t you just move from here, go fin some other forest to live in” he asked, leaning back on his hands, looking up at the sky, “there’s no where else to go, I’ve been running for too long” she answered and with that all conversation subsided as they both watched the others fight, Yoongi noticed a few people running for the forests and jerked up to go after them only to be stopped by Y/n, “let them be,” she said and he obey’d.

_____________________________________

It didn’t take the demons long to finish everyone, they all gathered in her kitchen, Jin and Taehyung were hurt, but nothing big, just minor wounds according to the two demons but she insisted on tending to their injuries with a warm cloth and some potions, “this will scar” she told Jin, feeling guilty all of a sudden, “one of a million, don’t worry” he smiled as she wrapped his almost fully healed hand up.

“what is this?” Jungkook asked as he peered down the mug on Y/n’s table, “banana milk” she answered as she turned to Taehyung to wrap his wound up too, Jungkook took a sip of the milk before downing the whole mug, “do you have more?” he asked, looking like a child who wants an extra treat, she nodded, getting up to pull out a jar full of it from her cupboard, handing it to the boy, she didn’t seem the least bothered that a demon boy was drinking up all her banana milk.

“so what is the price I have to pay? if you’ll hurry up, I have cleaning to do” she said looking at the dead bodies scattered all around her house, some even on tree branches. The boys looked at each other, “We’ll need some time to discuss” Namjoon said on behalf of them all, “you do that and I’ll clean that up” she said, grabbing her wand and leaving the house.

“So, what now?” Namjoon asked once he made sure she was far away from them, “I don’t think she can really give much, she barely has anything herself” Hoseok said, scanning the room again, “This place is nice tho, although she could use some more things in it” Seokjin admitted, looking around the peaceful cottage, it was clean, and would look beautiful if it wasn’t so bare, “it is” Namjoon admitted when Jimin’s piped up, “I don’t like the fact that she lives like this, she could die any moment and no one would notice, maybe we can come here more often” he suggested, already planning all the things he’d bring here from the underworld, Namjoon nodded, “it has been way too long since I’ve actually seen the sky, donno why mortals have to have all the good things when they die so easily” he huffed as he looked out of the window, looking down at the valley in which the village nestled.

“I have an idea hyung, why don’t we use her place as a sort of abode, she can offer her house to us when ever we want in exchange for our services” Taehyung offered and Namjoon and Seokjin agreed, it would be nice to come to the mortal world often, “is everyone fine with that?” he asked the others, none of them rejected the idea and soon enough, Y/n was called back in.

They explained what they wanted and she just stared at them, dumbfound, “why would you want to come here when you can live luxuriously in the demon world?” she asked, “the demon world is not all its cooked up to be” Jimin answered.

It took a little convincing (threatening) to get her to agree but she did.

________________________________

The boys were common visitors to her little cottage, each of them would show up on their own accord and timing with their own reasons, often in their human form, she had been surprised to see how much more handsome the seven of them were in their human forms and she had told them so.

They would show up with little things that she would need around the house, sometimes unnoticeable and sometimes ridiculous, they’d bring her small fancy plates and saucers, fabrics and potion ingredients and even a new wand once before they progressed to bringing bigger things like vases and pillows and rugs despite her protesting.

Namjoon was the first to show up at her door with a book in hand to see books about the seven of them scattered on her table. They had stopped popping up directly inside the house after Y/n had yelled at them for freaking her out, “reading up on us I see” he commented as he dragged a chair to sit, “I’ll have to because i literally don’t know anything about the seven of you” she mumbled as she read on. They both read their books in silence before Y/n offered him tea which he accepted gratefully.

Seokjin and Jungkook were the next one’s to show up because they were hungry, she served them with honey bread and maple syrup. Seokjin showed a keen interest in cooking, offering to help her out while she cooked for the three of them, since then, he’d show up during meal times to eat with her and cook with her, it became something the two of them got used to and one of the greatest things Seokjin would miss once she had passed.

Jungkook and her bonded over banana milk, the boy couldn’t get enough of it, even taking some back to the demon realm only to come back for more the next day. They both would wander the forest in search of bananas and maple trees and make the banana milk together, he was the most frequent visitor that even Morphus had started to recognize Jungkook who would sit next to Y/n when she milked the cow every morning.

Tae and Jimin would often come together just to mess with her and to make a fool out of the villagers down in the valley. They went herb searching together in the forests. They’d pick flowers for the house and they even dug up a well for the little cottage to use.

Hoseok would also come by often just to gossip with her, telling her about all the events in the demon world, they both would talk over tea and little cakes about Namjoon’s snoring and Seokjin’s new obsession with bad jokes. On days which were not too hot or too cold they’d set up a table outside and just bask in each others company.

Yoongi was the last to visit her, and even when he did visit, he decided to take a nap only to get back up complaining about how bumpy the mattress was before vanishing off and coming back with a new mattress. They’d nap together on days Y/n didn’t have anything to do, and had been found wrapped up with each other by the other quiet often.

They’d all come together once every few days to have lunch and dinner and to talk and play, enjoying the sun and grass and flowers before they had to go back to the demon world.

It was funny to see the seven strongest demons be so gentle and ind to a little human girl, weaving flower crowns for her and laying their head in her lap, taking cat naps together.

_____________________________

They seven boys got quiet attached to the little witch, trying to meet her as often as possible and be as gentle as possible to her. Imagine their surprise when Namjoon walked in on a sorcerer sitting on one of the chairs as Y/n made him a cup of tea.

“A demon!” the sorcerer shrieked as Namjoon came inside the house, Y/n slowly turned around to see Namjoon standing st the door, greeting him with a smile and a kiss to his cheek, “Namjoon-ah meet my mentor, the great Sorcerer Potter” she introduced as Namjoon felt a green knot form in his chest, he was sure the rest of his mates felt it too because a portal opened not soon after, tossing the 6 other boys into the mortal world, all of them looking eerily calm, “why is he here y/n? he questioned, “he just came to visit” she explained, “then why is his smell all over you?” Jungkook demanded, grabbing her wrist to get a scent of her.

“get lost” Yoongi hissed at the sorcerer, the powerful man shrieked as he apparated to who knows where. “Y/n,” Hoseok said, taking her hands in his, “did he touch you” he asked, his voice low, she shook her head, no, no one had touched her, thank the demons, Jimin thought as he enveloped her in his arms, overpowering the sorcerer’s smell with his own. “good, don’t let anyone touch you except for us little witch” Seokjin mumbled as he placed a kiss on her forehead, she hummed in agreement as they all bundled up in her cozy cottage, now a lot more comfortable and colorful than before.

They loved her but they couldn’t have her because demons didn’t deserve happiness, it was a curse on them, they weren’t meant to love, only hate and kill because even if they loved y/n they’d inevitably end up with a part of their heart hollow because demons couldn’t love little witches because demons were immortal while witches would meet their end soon enough.

None of them laid with their little witch because it was forbidden but they did caress her, they held her close and made her feel warm and loved by each of them, they were tender and careful with her, trying to spend every moment with her and while that might seem like too much for a mortal, it was a mere few moments for immortals and they tried to carve her memory into their hearts and minds so they would never forget her despite how much time passed by.

___________________________________

The eight of them spent 86 years together, Y/n passed due to illness at the ripe age of a hundred and twelve years with a smile and her seven demons surrounding her when she too her last breath.

The demons wished she’d reincarnate bu they didn’t keep much hope in that because demons wishes were never fulfilled. But they lived on with the memory of the little witch who had summoned them and had carved herself into their cold, dark hearts.

__________________________________

Y/n's cottage

___________________________END_________________________________

First try, how was it? let me know!!!!

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jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav · 3 years

Note

so since you're gonna do the avatar!mc au with the entities you think each brother would fear the most (SO excited for that btw, my friend can attest to the fact that i've basically been rambling about tma x om nonstop since the first post you made that put the two together), i'd love to hear your thoughts on which entity each brother would *be* an avatar of, if you're cool with sharing! personally i love the ideas of specifically vast!levi and dark!belphie but i'd love to hear your takes on the concept! <3

So because of how time works, despite receiving this ask on July 12, by the time you see this it’ll be August! So the entire Avatar!MC series should be out by now, which I hope you will/have enjoy/ed. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of Vast! Levi, which I’ve talked about before (as you know ;) ), but I will happily ramble about it again!

These aren’t gonna be short fics though bc I do Yearn to save that energy for The Longfic, which is still in the planning stages because a) I can’t pick a timeline, and b) trying to match up the timelines of Obey Me and TMA is hard, especially when I tend to have a violent disrespect for actually paying attention to the timing of plot events in both. I already fucked up a part of the plotting because I forgot the order we get pacts with the brothers lmao

Content warnings: Mentions/allusions to tma-typical Spookies, yet another installation of my Cursed Crossover idea, lengthy debates about what makes someone choose to become an avatar of fear, spoilers for Lesson 16+ of Obey Me and S5 of TMA

What Entity Do I Think The Brothers Would Serve? (Cursed TMA x Obey Me Crossover)

Lucifer

So I put him as falling victim to the Eye/Beholding bc of his whole thing about Secrets and Pride being about wanting control over your own image

And he does have a creepy tendency in canon to always know when his brothers are up to some Dumb Shit

BUT! You know what we see in Lucifer’s character that we see in a certain Entity?

A simultaneous manipulation of others and submission to being manipulated by a higher power

That’s right, I think Luci would be a Web avatar

But Winter, Lucifer wouldn’t wanna take marching orders from someone/thing else! He’s too proud for that— You’re right! He doesn’t want to. But he will.

He willingly submitted himself and his family to Diavolo for eternity to get what he wanted (saving Lilith)

And from how much we see him work, it’s safe to say that he’s a pretty damn essential part of running the Devildom

If he really wanted to, he could probably successfully pull a coup on Diavolo

But he doesn’t, because he’s trapped himself by his own honour code

Thus, the sexual tension bromance we all know and love/insist is Deeply Problematic and blacklist (depending on how much you like/hate dialuci lol)

10/10, would fill with spiders again

Mammon

I put Mammon as falling victim to the Buried for pretty obvious reasons

But admittedly picking a fear he’d serve is trickier

I had to get a bit abstract with it, but I think the Hunt might suit him

Not necessarily the primal *cough* and police brutality *cough* parts of the Hunt tho

More like how Basira was considered an avatar of the Hunt in the fearpocalypse because of her mission/promise to Daisy

See, Greed can stem from fear

Fear of losing what you have, of no longer being able to support yourself, of being preyed upon by others

So people become greedy as a defense mechanism, to protect what they have

If they’re on the offensive, they won’t be targeted

Also, if you’re constantly pursuing more more more, there’s no time to think about anything else

Like consequences, or guilt, or Feelings

If Mammon let his little tough guy act go too far for too long, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he could start heading down the path to avatarhood

After all, people pay big money for hitmen and bounty hunters…

Leviathan

As I said last time, I can see why people would associate Levi with the Lonely first: he’s a shut in, he acts like he wants nothing to do with people/would rather be alone, and I get it

BUT! All of that actually stems from the fact that Levi has terrible self-esteem and thinks he deserves to be this gross shut in loser

While envy can make you want to bring others down to your level, so to speak, Levi tends to just shun “normies”, not actively conspire to sabotage them

He actually does crave understanding and to have people in his life, he just doesn’t know how to go about it

Boy’s got Mega Social Anxiety is what I’m saying (funny how both the Lonely and the Eye can be real bad for that, huh)

But the Vast? Nihilism? Takes all the pressure off

If everyone is a small, insignificant speck in the face of an uncaring, unfathomably large cosmos, who cares what you do? Who cares what people think of you?

Yeah, you’d be kinda weird too if you stared into the infinite abyss of the ocean and realized it was just the maw of a gargantuan sea monster too, Karen, lay off

Plus aesthetically, the great Awful Deep most people fear in the ocean is a comfort to Levi

And again, THE VAST IS MORE THAN JUST THE SKY

I WENT ON A BOAT ONCE

LIKE REAL FAR OUT, SO I COULDN’T SEE LAND FOR DAYS

IT WAS JUST ENDLESS B L U E

AND I WAS ON A CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN

I SAW A FRACTION OF THE OCEAN’S S U R F A C E AND IT WAS I M M E N S E

Did you know we’ve only explored like 5% or whatever of our oceans? Think about that! Every Single Thing we know about what’s in there is just the tip of the iceberg!!! GOD KNOWS WHAT’S DOWN THERE!!! PROBABLY FUCKED UP FISH IS WHAT

*ahem* anyway, fishee

Satan

Another tricky boi

I marked him down as fearing the Desolation, as a reflection of what he fears most in himself

I probably could have also gone with Slaughter, but I’d say that’s more baby/early-Satan

Desolation is also about destruction of potential, and Satan has very carefully built himself into a non-rage-monster person

So tearing that all away from him is :)))

But what would Satan give himself over to?

Ceaseless Watcher, I want that twink OBLITERATED—

Satan clings to knowledge and erudition to distance himself from the rage he was born as

“Watch and learn” is literally how he became a person

I find it deeply funny that it could also easily be how he becomes a monster once again

Also if you think the avatar of Wrath wouldn’t have a use for supernatural blackmail you’re just straight up incorrect

Couple that with Satan’s various connections and he’d be a Force to Reckon With

Asmodeus

I put him as a victim of the Corruption bc I found it extremely fitting considering the duality of his romanticized image vs the “dirty” fluid-filled nature of Lust.

Lust can be really nasty, but as licentious as Asmo’s supposed to be, he’s surprisingly coy

(now part of that comes from the fact that Obey Me isn’t strictly 18+/full-on porn, but still)

There’s a lot of Interesting Ideas to unpack there with attitudes towards sex vs sensuality and idealisation vs reality

Now as for an avatar… I debated this for a very long time, tossing around Eye, Stranger, Spiral, even Web for like one second

But I think I’ve got it

Slaughter!

Specifically the musical/random outbursts of violence side (not so much the war side)

Why? Well for one, Biblical Asmodeus is said to “"transport men into fits of madness and desire [...] with the result that they commit sin, and fall into murderous deeds (Testament of Solomon, verse 23).”

But also, Obey Me Asmo’s affair with that portrait chick from the earlier lessons started a whole ass war

Like it or not, the boy is very good at instilling manic violence in people

They don’t call it bloodlust for nothing

Beelzebub

I paired Beel with an End avatar MC bc the boy fears losing his loved ones like he lost Lilith

You could argue that Desolation would fit there too but I liked how it fit Satan better

Now as for a Vibe…

I’m tied between Flesh and Corruption tbh

Though corruption is mostly bc buge :)

So I’ll talk about the Flesh

So uh, mass consumerism, meat is meat, cannibalism… see where I’m going?

Ignoring the Hans because that was super racist, the two Flesh avatars I remember best are Jared Hopworth and The Guy Who Stuck His Arm in a Spooky Meat Grinder To Feed His Buds

I think of Jared in relation to Beel not because of the gym thing, but because his very chill/apathetic attitude towards his patron is similar to how I’d picture Beel’s approach to all this

Like “well, guess I’m here now”

I love Beel as much as everyone else, but he’s not exactly apologetic about his… habits

Not to the degree that he’d actually try and change them anyway

So if he got started on the path to Flesh avatarhood, he’d be pretty fucked

Belphegor

I put Web for him as a fear almost entirely because of the concept of Uno Reverse Card, ngl

It does technically tie into his whole thing about being trapped in the attic, since he’d denied all agency and freedom in there, but… Uno Reverse

Dark!Belphie is an interesting concept, and MAG86 “Tucked In” is iconic, but tbh I don’t really… Get the Dark

Don’t get me wrong, put me in a dark place and I will be scared, I don’t like not seeing things, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around why one would become an avatar of the Dark

It’s not a very “primary” fear imo? Like, I’m scared of the dark bc I can’t see what’s there, ie. a threat could be there and I wouldn’t know, but intellectually I know it’s just the absence of light. That’s not really spooky on its own.

I guess what I’m saying is I can attribute spookier things related to the Dark better to other Entities, so I’m not sure what its draw is specifically

According to the Entity Sexiness Survey I did a while back, there’s apparently some Catholic stuff going on with the Dark so maybe that’s why i don’t get it lmao

Anyway I’d put Belphie down for Spiral

“What lies behind a smile” indeed cowboy

Apparently it’s getting choked

Is it because MC’s entire relationship with him is originally founded on a lie?

Is it because the Spiral deals with distortions in your perception, gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing, as well as foggy liminal mental spaces like between sleep and consciousness, death and life?

Is it because I think Belphie would absolutely delight in driving someone bananas by fucking with their dreams until it bleeds into their waking life?

Is it because being a person or consistent being at all is too much effort, consistent internal geography is hard, fuck it, just be an endless twisting series of hallways?

Yes :)

#obey me #tma #cursed tma x om crossover #obey me headcanons #tma the entities #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

Text

5 Anti LO Asks

1. i dont even think lo persephone is particularly a bad character, i think the issue is rachel has no idea what to do with her. she wants her to be native and innocent but also deadly and confident, but that'd require persephone to have some flaws/complexities, so she just makes up vague "feelings" and the underworld making her smell bad. rachel herself cant commit to actually letting persephone be a real character with weaknesses and flaws. which just ends up making persephone boring and flat.

(same anon abt persephone's lack of flaws) the issue too is that because rachel made persephone the most powerful goddess and has hades as the most powerful king with all the resources, all sense of stakes and tension is just not there. they dont even have actual antagonists because apollo, demeter, and leto are jokes, minthe had no power, and everyone falls over backwards to defend hxp, and we already know the ending. the plot and conflict are as shallow as the characters themselves.

2. its honestly kinda ??? that there is art of lo demeter and persephone and how loving of a relationship they are (were?) and yet thats not in the actual comic? like demeter's love for persephone is framed as abusive and cruel and the actual reason for persephone's problems yet everything demeter said would happen did?? and those werent her fault? like its one thing if demeter had all these fears but were proven wrong, but she's time and time again proven right? and is still framed badly for it???

3. i think part of the reason the art of lo doesnt hold up is bc the world is very flat. like the characters are already boring enough in their colors being the only actual character design, but the world around them is very lacking. theres no distinct buildings, no distinct flowers or trees, and the backgrounds all just flat voids of a single color with some sketchup lines slapped on top. now, other webtoons do this too, but its so the panel doesnt become overwhelmed, LO does it to be lazy.

4. the webtoons app updated to where now the main page banners change every time you open the app to let more series get ad space so OF COURS LO has a banner on it and?? its confusing?? like it has persephone being ~sexy in a bathtub~ and the tagline is "no service in the underworld" and its like what does that even mean?? also the ads love to pretend shes this confident, sexual woman when shes literally everything but in the actual comic. its kinda shocking how often the LO ads just lie like that.

5. Comparing LO to some other WEBTOON I would say that LO is too ambitious for its writer. For “Forever After” you normally just have the current issue and the overall issue with the story, so just because we go through characters in that story their characters complete their arcs. True Beauty is drawn out BUT arcs are still tied up abs even tho it’s not as interesting as it was it still holds my attention positively. “The first night with the duke” kinda got past the point I care about but still again has me drawn in. Suitor of Armor’s story is expanding greatly but I feel the writer already has plans for that

BUT LO is another story. The cast seems bloated for the plots going on and I’m losing track. Like Eros got to explain his little story, and then we forgot about it for a bit with Hades and Aphrodite talking about it for a split second and then way later Eros says “I’m gonna find Pyche” but is he looking? No he just asks his mom for more hints we don’t see him try to do anything clever. He doesn’t even find her on his own merit. And after two years we don’t even get a full conclusion how that went. They shot arrows at Apollo and then what? They were high up in the air, was Eros able to break their fall (probably) What about the whole falling for Ampleutus stuff? We probably won’t see anything for another couple months regrading those two.

ARTEMIS! She’s Persphone’s roommate, we know she’s lying about never having a crush but who is it? RS stated Artemis is gay. Does it matter? Does it influence the plot at all? Is it gonna be a big reveal that Zeus is her father? Why does she hate the three kings so much? Does Zeus know he’s her father? Or was Apollo abs Artemis “created” like Persphone and Hera? (Probably not but still)

HESTIA and ATHENA! When did they start TGOEM? Why did they? Hestia isn’t Athena’s aunt right? Was Athena “created” by Zeus? How does Hera feel about that? What was Hestia like before the war and now? Is Hestia close with the other six traitors?

Hera and her kids! We know Hera has more than Hephaestus Ares and Hebe but like what’s the story man? Hera is closer to all three of these children (Zeus seems to discourage Hephaestus presence, Ares defends his mom, and Hebes mad at Zeus for banishing Ares from the house) but these weren’t snap things that happened, it seems like the kids bond to their mother way more than their father just in general before the story, but why? I feel like Hera’s stuff is used as filler but I’m still more interested rather than HXP all the time. Whose the sister? Why is Hera closer to P rather than her own kids it seems. And echo!? Why did Zeus hire her and what’s the agreement?

That ghost that keeps showing up?

Whatever the Kronos revival plot is?

What happened to rhea?

So the Trojan war already happened?

What’s the deal with Demigods?

Nymphs can have parents but sometimes don’t? (Daphne was crested by Demeter, but Thetis has a mom?)

Is Megara and P now just friends? Or did we miss her character where she either gets over hades or plots revenge?

I just feel like with everything LO isn’t planned this far out and it’s just worrying for what she’s in the mood for not tying plots together and getting much figured out. Like the plot just Keep not moving forward because there’s just too much to cover.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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deonideatta · 3 years

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Alright it's Vincenzo and fire meta time! I dont know if this is super obvious and I'm just repeating what everyone's already picked up on, but Solar's version of Adrenaline gave me the push I needed to write down my thoughts (Italian version >>> tho imo) so here goes. I apologize in advance for the length sflds this is my thoughts straight to the page so it went on for a while :')

We associate Vincenzo with fire almost from the first episode. From the get go, the first major thing we see Vincenzo do is burn down a vineyard, pretty nonchalantly. Then we establish his habit of fiddling with lighters, and to round it off he blows up Paolo's car. The fire imagery is there from the beginning. When he loses his temper he's fiery, he fights fire with fire, his birthday is on bonfire night, it's a pretty clear link. Yet, interestingly enough, as we get to know more about his character, it appears like he is mostly a very level-headed person when it comes to high stakes conflict, as seen in the court scenes and in scenes like the ones where he threatens Choi Myung Hee. In fact, his cool-headedness is one of the things Cha Young lists as one of his charms in ep8. He doesn't come off as hot-blooded as quickly as a character like Father Kim in The Fiery Priest, for example.

Besides the times when he's just annoyed angry over things like being robbed or the drama with Geumga plaza, we see him get seriously angry only over the emotions from seeing his mom (he yells at her, he lights a cigarette) over Hong Yu Chan's insistence on pursuing Babel despite the danger (he raises his voice on multiple occasions), and over the death of HYC (he throws a wine glass and then he has syringes stuck in JHS's pillow and he organizes the warehouse arson). Note how most of these things are accompanied by some use of a lighter (more on that later). Yet, times when he yells and cusses in Italian aside, in doing most of these things he's not very visibly aggressive? If you get what I mean. He's still almost cold/mechanical in the way he goes about it. Like the result of his anger is an inevitability; if you light a lighter you start a fire. This is seen when he gets angry over the vineyard owner's attitude (he doesn't lose his cool, he just burns down the vineyard) and Paolo's attempted assassination of him (he shoots the assassins calmly, he blows up Paolo's car and threatens him, he leaves italy). Even the actual act of the Babel arson isn't very fiery on Vincenzo's part.

The thing about Vincenzo though is that, much like the lighters which he constantly opens and closes without lighting, most of the time he's not always very openly fiery. As mentioned above the only times we see Vincenzo actually light a lighter are when he's truly angry. He opens and closes them to calm down, but occasionally instead of calming down he lights the lighter, and he burns down a vineyard or lights a cigarette. He says in ep 2 that being weak and feeling helpless make him angry, and perhaps that's why opening and closing a lighter helps him calm down, because it reminds him that he can do something, he can light the lighter if he chooses to.

A lot of his anger/bitterness goes back to him being abandoned by his mother, and we see that it's still a big deal for him because some of only times we see him lose a grip on his anger and have outbursts of emotion are in scenes related to his mom (when he comes to tell her no one will come visit her now, when she doesn't want to get treatment, early on when he's in the courtroom for her case). We see that momentary crack in his level-headed personality when it comes to his mom, and the cracks get larger the worse her condition gets. (I wonder how it will go if she dies? It seems like she might. Perhaps that'll push him over the edge). Being someone who doesn't like feeling helpless, the scenes where he's angry about his mom become all the more impactful because there's nothing he can do, he can light the lighter but all he can do with that light is light a cigarette. Notably we also see him get emotionally angry/agitated worrying over Hong Yu Chan's perseverance in fighting Babel, perhaps since he also comes to see HYC as a mentor/father figure. He was helpless again, he couldn't do anything to help his mother's sentence and he couldn't do anything to stop HYC and his eventual death. In all this we see that there is a marked contrast between fiery emotionally engaged angry Vincenzo and cool-headed business minded angry Vincenzo. The more dangerous of the two is arguably cool-headed angry Vincenzo, because this is the mode he enters after the initial burst of emotional anger, after which he hatches and executes another high stakes plan.

Which brings me back to Adrenaline. The lyric about wanting to leave so as not to cause hurt is there in both versions, but in english it's "Fire, rising up (to) higher, I'm burning up it's dire, I don't wanna hurt you so leave" (According to this translation of the Italian version the equivalent part in that one is "The fire (is) rising upwards, I'm burning slowly, Please leave me, I don't want to hurt you", more or less the same thing). At this point we're aware that Vincenzo has a lot of unresolved internal anger, but we aren't clear on the full extent of it yet. He effectively hides it behind smooth words and well thought out plans, but that doesn't change the fact that he's "burning up" with all that pent up anger (over his mother mostly, and now also over Babel to an extent), which is also "rising up" as he's reminded of his past and faces new challenges. It's only a matter of time until he hits burnout, or an explosion of some kind. If you think of it like a water balloon (idk i'm bad at coming up with metaphors), over time more and more things (abandonement issues, having to kill so many people, having to leave italy, frustrations surrounding the tenants, BabelTM, the death of Hong Yu Chan, meeting his mother again, hearing the truth about his mother's case first hand, his mother potentially dying, and so on) fill it up until bANG, it's too much and it bursts. Pent up anger is a ticking time bomb, and it's anyone's guess when he'll stop clicking the lighter open and shut and set the world on fire again. We'll either have Vincenzo overcome and learn to let go of his anger, or we'll get to see him truly snap and cause some real damage to his status as a non-fugitive and/or his relationships. Maybe some combination of both.

Interestingly though, we haven't seen him get directly really angry at Cha Young before, though they were very passive agressive in the earlier eps. This shows a difference in the way he sees her now and the way he saw Hong Yu Chan, she's willing to get her hands dirty and so even though they're still fighting the same Babel he's not as worried about her safety because she's a lot like him. And yet, assuming that Adrenaline is from Vincenzo's POV and the person he doesn't want to hurt is Cha Young, we can infer that Vincenzo knows full well the potential danger of his pent up anger, and that he cares enough about Cha Young to want to still keep a certain distance from her so as not to hurt her in the event that said anger leads to bigger trouble/more illegal high stakes plans/things she wouldn't approve of i.e hurting or killing people. We see that he is drawn to her (very obviously), and that he likes her (VERY OBVIOUSLY), but he doesn't want to burn her, hence scenes like the "villains don't deserve to love/love requires qualifications" scene. Fire can warm people, it can be a force for 'good' (for example, the revenge on Babel for its victims and Cha Young via the arson), but it can also destroy people. It looks like it is definitely eating away at Vincenzo, and he doesn't want the fire consuming him to burn those close to him.

He's done things that may or may not haunt him, and he may not deem himself worthy of love because of those things, but deep down I do think he wants to be loved, to have a home, to let go of his anger and be allowed to live without it. His initial plan was to get filthy rich and then run away, but like the monk said, unless he faces his anger, it'll follow him wherever he goes. Forests burn down and regrow naturally, but unnatural forest fires are hella destructive, it's all about how he handles his anger. Harness it and overcome it, or let it control him and eventually destroy him. Rn it looks like it torments him but he uses it to his advantage, as a driving force, but how sustainable is that? Each of the arsons are preceded by gasoline, what will serve as Vincenzo's gasoline and what will be the spark that sets him alight? Will Cha Young be the bucket of water that settles Vincenzo's flames, or will she be the bucket of gasoline that burns him to the ground? We'll just have to wait and see.

Pls interact it took me like a week to write all this :')

#if i've missed anything lmk #my schoolwork watching me neglect it to write this like 🧍‍♂️#doesn this count as eng lit work #yes it does #vincenzo #tvn kdrama #tvn vincenzo #kdrama meta #vincenzo meta #vincenzo kdrama #vincenzo cassano #hong cha young #kdrama

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