#even when everything is collapsing
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It’s kinda funny having made/discovered my own spiritual path because while on the one hand I want to share my perspective with others, on the other I know it’s either going to sound completely batshit or be taken the complete opposite way.
Like I could easily see how it could be twisted into atheistic pessimistic nihilism (/neg) and/or fatalism or something when it’s literally pantheistic optimistic (or at least true [that is: not just shorthand for pessimistic] realistic) nihilism (/pos/neu).
Idk none of that makes any sense probably. I promise I’m not trying to sound pretentious I just spent years fixating on different spiritual perspectives and concepts. I don’t know how to divorce it from the jargon or whatever in a way that still gets the idea across. Maybe I’ll try to elaborate one of these days idk
I feel a bit like the ant on that motherboard from that one post about Lovecraftian/eldritch madness lmao
#talking to myself#my spirituality#basically my religion tbh#I’m losing it aren’t I#I didn’t go through all those existential crises just to come out empty handed#I didn’t admire the universe to come away with nothing#I didn’t face my greatest fear without trying to romanticize her in some way#and it really is that last one that could screw me over if I shared my stuff#I am a fucked up person#I have some dark interests#I am too angry to be considered a good person I think#but I’m optimistic at my core#I believe in improvement and goodness and love and life#even when everything is collapsing#pessimism will not save you. giving up will not save you#it sure hasn’t saved me#and neither have strict dichotomies#but wonder? wonder has#it’s easier said than done idk#what am i even saying#rant in tags#is anyone out there
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The Gorge spoilers::
IGAF if the cgi wasn't great or the storyline with the hollowmen was a bit lacklustre because...
HE WROTE HER A POEM AND IT WAS TITLED ✨️'SHE COLLAPSED THE NIGHT'✨️ and when she had a bad day, he retrofitted a missile launcher, ZIPLINED to her with flowers and he didn't like the rabbit pie, he *loved* it, and he did know how to dance and when he fell she did not even fucking hesitate and at the cross she was wearing the bullet necklace and THEY WERE EACH OTHER'S REASON!!!!?!
#the gorge#thats how you do it#literally idfc if its “iffy” plot or “weak” narrative NO THEY ARE MY LONELY ASSASSIN BABIES!!!#the gorge spoilers#askaz#tropes tropes gimme more tropes in movies not everything has to be edgy and dark sometimes two assassins can find love and drink vodka#and write poetry#SHE COLLAPSED THE NIGHT?? are you fucking kidding me?#miles teller i did not know your game#spectacular#yes even the ww2 stuff#dont care#sshhh my assassin babies are sensing when one was looking at the other through a telescopic lens
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MAYA AND CARINA STATION 19: 7x10 'One Last Time'
#station 19#station19edit#station 19 spoilers#carina x maya#carina deluca#maya bishop#mine#i liked this scene and the kiss and everything#and we did get a glimpse of carina saying she was worried#but how does she not find out just how close maya was to dying??#and maya expressing how scared she was almost losing everything??#like that was such a missed opportunity IMO#and having them both at the same scene again only to not interact...like why?#its crazy to me how maya was just fine after what she went through but then andy collapsed and we didn't even see what happened to her prio#such a missed opportunity to not have carina work on maya and have her more injured later on but...story of this show's life i suppose#no sense in staying angry now when it's all over#this scene was very them and i'm glad about that
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chat the pilot was something else
#die rant#ninjago#lavashipping#kai ninjago#cole ninjago#gaygyayga#seriously though the pilot brings me joy :)#even at 2 am when my mind s going to collapse#i giggle at everything in the pilot /vpos#ninjago pilots
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#you ever think about how Evka remarks so constantly that he should have could have died and she and Antoine may die any moment#and then at Weisshaupt when everything about her life has collapsed she admits that she could not handle it if he had died there#She's constantly “you could have DIED” and then when he for real could have died she can't even finish the sentence#she can't even say “died” at that point when she can so easily say it at all other times. She loves him SO much.#Evka Ivo#Antoine Ivo#Antoine Dragon Age#Antoine and Evka#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#Dragon Age#DATV things
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“Tell me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am, or what I’m not?
Tell me, mother, which should I regret: what I became, or what I didn’t?”
- source
#i realized i almost never do anything with itachi and his parents so this one post is dedicated to them#the regret of killing them would have killed him before his actual death#what kind of child he was to raise a sword against his own parents?#his parents weren't even angry that he'd betrayed them at last#all the nightmares that would have followed him in which they hated him for everything and he would have no defense#who held him when he cried thinking of his mom? who comforted him when he choked on his tears thinking of his father's last words?#who was there for him when memories of his family became too much to handle and he would just collapse unable to breathe#maybe just maybe when the first symptoms of his illness showed he thought#that it was just one of his regular coughing fits that came with the onslaught of the memories of his parents#did he ever want to crawl back to sasuke and tell him how miserable he was and how much he missed their parents#where did the strength to be entirely indifferent and inhuman composure come to him#how much practice did it take? how many days? months? years?#did people around him ever suspect how much he was suffering?#all from thinking about his dead parents whom he killed#whose blood never left his tiny fingers and soaked into his flesh and blended into his own#how much misery was encapsulated into those expressionless features that never gave away even the slightest hint of pain#itachi uchiha#uchiha itachi#itachi#mikoto#mikoto uchiha#fugaku uchiha#fugaku
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I just woke up and saw the leaks while half asleep and it struck me how different Mafuyu's card is from the rest of the set despite being the second slot, not the focus. there's something about that and the fact that Kanade is the only character with a made-up surname, made specifically to contrast Mafuyu's, and now that contrast is present even when she's supposed to be the focus of her own event. or something idk I'm still halfway through this coffee
#I'm only making note of this because I don't think it's ever happened(?#like. correct me if I'm wrong which I probably am but I'm pretty sure it's the first time#kana5#and this is worded weirdly I don't mean it in a “Mafuyu taking away her focus” way#I mean it in a “everything about Kanade seems to revolve around Mafuyu even when she's collapsing”#way#codependent yuri and such
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god I hated the fc6 dlc, it just felt like it was written by people who barely knew the story and characters, they felt so out of character tbh
I don’t want to say I hate it because, as always, I’m sure the dev team did what they could with the time and resources they had, and the three DLC episodes do have qualities (their dream-like worlds, especially), but I’d be lying if I said I greatly enjoyed their stories, thought that everyone was perfectly in character, and that my instinctual reaction when I think about them wasn’t to tense up.
I’m also (and mostly, I think) sad they’re official and that the not-always-accurate events they show are unquestioned and now accepted as canon by many fans. I don’t blame them for thinking the DLCs are inherently trustworthy and I’m aware most players aren’t as fussy about lore accuracy as I am (good for them, honestly), but that still really upsets me.
#the words 'as revealed in the dlc' make me want to scream#I also hate it when I see people say those who didn’t like it are just angry because it was different from their headcanons#look I’m sorry but while it’s true that no one can ever be 100% objective about anything#I didn’t dedicate dozens of hours of my life to listening to sound files and reading/watching everything I could about fc5 to be told:#'you didn’t like collapse simply because you’re biased and never really understood the story and characters in the first place'#in my 'review' I even made a distinction between the things I personally didn’t like and the ones that were objectively inaccurate#so no. just no.#…those dismissive posts I’m angrily referring to are like 2.5 years old but I’m still mad I had to read that#the frustration had to come out at some point and it was in these tags today :’)#anyway I agree with you that the seeds are often out of character in collapse and that it was a painful experience#also they wanted players to feel empathy for joseph but ended up making him seem more evil and manipulative than he actually was in fc5#which is… strange
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the important part of diy is having fun and being yourself.
#i prommy this will look good when everything is done there is just so much fucking landlord#i was going to say beige but i think its just primer white but after 50 years of smoke exposure and the roof collapsing that one time#anyways life hack for becoming a home owner at 23: move into a family friends condemned building and then get left it#in his will bc his kids dont want to pay to bulldoze it so they can sell the plot of land#its structurally sound just really shitty#which means i get to make whatever decisions i want bc its not like anyone is living here after me#cant even fucking haunt a place anymore with how bad building standards have gotten
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the ui7 samsung update is so awful I'm literally looking at different phones and will probably be changing
#first the clock time was changed to look like a fucking fraction#all the apps on the home screen were movied bc the size changed#the notifications were SEPARATED from the pull down menu#added the camera and phone app to the lock screen and you can't remove them#and here's the worst fucking one bc i cannot turn the new part off. it will just turn everything off and makes it more unusable#the spotify music notification does not stay in your notification bar#intead the fucking song title (which switches colors and moves to show you the title) collapses up by the time#very annoying and distracting when you are trying to do other things on your phone while music is playing#if you turn it off on live notifications you can't quickly switch songs ➡️ because it removes it wholly from the pulldown menu#even if you are using the app#they changed the battery icon app and active app line up#everything is changed for no fucking reason and is making it harder for me to use than before#trying to turn things off but can't.#terrible update im so pissed off#thecrownofflames
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conservatives want us to become america so fucking bad it's actually kinda funny. like why are u voting then!!! u don't even want to be a part of this country!!!! LEAVE
#they forget that we have a completely different political system and more than 2 political parties they think they're gonna elect trump 2.0#very few positive things to say about trump but at least american conservatives winning/him wanting canada to become the 51st state#has conservatives continuing to drop in the polls...... god willing#i don't know why theyd even want to take on the incredible burden of adding an additional 40 million american citizens#when their infrastructure is already collapsing#idk why conservatives even want to become a part of america other than just sucking trump's sick and agreeing with everything he says#like how can you say you even “love this country” if you want to destroy everything about it#<- i dont love canada or support its history but just for today im cosplaying as a liberal#txt#trump's DICK**
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DCC OC that calls the viewers "chat"
#this message was brought to you by autixel#dungeon crawler carl#can they actually talk to the viewers? no. because it's funnier that way.#they wouldn't be a yoo joonghyuk like character they'd be more like han sooyoung#in terms of personality. i could make them a streamer tho that could be fun. can't get more than like. a couple dozen viewers#maybe once or twice they broke 100.#they'd be a college student.#they went out for a smoke while their friends were in a bar. then the bar collapsed behind them‚ and they entered the dungeon#i need to make more nuanced characters my characters feel copy paste copy paste >:/ but I LIKE THIS ONE BEING A LIL SHIT#ooh maybe. maybe. they do get serious in serious situations. like a switch has been flipped. they get player killer skulls.#the charm is a facade. an appeal to the viewers. they're entertaining. Sonya#Sonya... i see you now.#you were scared. you were young. you'd never seen death. but seeing dismembered limbs of bar-goers and your party slain has changed you.#you were scared until you saw the game. till you realized. then it slipped into place. the charisma. the attitude. you had put on shows b4#it didn't bring you joy to kill those people. your people were killed. however. it was them or you. you wanted to live.#in this hellhole the world came to. you want to live. you want to get out. you're thinking about trying to make it to the exit deal.#assuming you don't die sooner. you prefer a sword. feels personal that way. I'm making you transgender. you chose doppelganger as your race.#in all the floors you manage to get through‚ there's one thing you hold on to. your lighter. it was a gift for your birthday. it's empty now#in the beginning floors you'd watch it spark and combust. it was normal. it was familiar. you just haven't felt a need to refill it.#the same lighter you carry is the same that lit your cigarette that night. it's one of the few things in your inventory that isn't dungeon#well. not magical. and even fewer things are from before. and what could be more complicated than the thing you held when everything went to#shit. you remember the stress of the upcoming semester. trivial in comparison to the stress you're under now.#you wonder if you're going grey. you wonder if you could fix it. the thought disturbs you. you miss when games were fun.
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god i fucking hate my dad
#he came home today from a bike trip he went on and he's been arguing with me about honeybee the whole fucking day#he keeps saying just let her out let her run around! every time i put her in her pen to nap#and he refuses to stop her from biting him#and he got mad at her for playing with his socks when she'd just been playing with mine and he threw them on the floor of the living room#which first of all stop being such a fucking slob#and second of all what the fuck did you expect to happen? it's a soft new toy on the floor where she spends most of her time. where all her#toys are. very similar to the two soft items she's allowed to play with (my socks)#she's fucking 3 months old she doesn't understand the difference between my socks and his socks#and i keep telling him i know what im doing i was doing all the research while he went to buttfuck nowhere on his midlife crisis motorcycle#but he just wont fucking listen to me#and hes like oh youre at that age where you think youre right about everything and are so stubborn like fuck you actually#first of all im stubborn about this because its a living breathing puppy and his actions will affect her behaviour as an adult#and bc i know what im fucking doing. ive been an animal person my entire life. i did all the research. i did this exact same thing with#parrots for five years.#and hes like you cant just put her in her pen every time shes being a dog like no i fucking dont. i only put her in her pen when it's time#for a nap and she's getting overtired. you can't just let her run around until she collapses bc for one she never fucking will#second that's only going to make her energy threshold higher and then she'll be absolutely impossible to handle#and i told him that and that i read that on like every professional dog training source i read#and he said that might be true or might not be#like it fucking is bitch omfg#and then he tried to one up me like um i actually raised you guys for a long time i know what im doing#like a child is not a fucking dog. also my mom raised us lets be fucking serious. and look how well adjusted i turned out#and he told me to relax and calm down like i wasnt even arguing with him but i sure as hell will now#like dont tell me to fucking relax. when has telling anyone to relax ever made anything better. especially a teenager. especially a (for#simplicity's sake) woman.#and i told him dont tell me to relax and he got all pissy and stormed off#like literally fuck you#im my fathers daughter. im just as stubborn as he is.#rambles
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I never get tired of watching The Disaster/The Rerun. Television peaked here, I'm not even kidding.
#the amazing world of gumball#part of what makes it so good is the four seasons of build-up#yeah you can understand it just fine as a cool season finale without all of that#but there's no way to fully appreciate this two parter without four seasons worth of context#even just how JARRING it is tonally compared to every other episode#tawog is bright and colorful and wacky and characters sing songs and everything's always okay after eleven minutes#so it's JAW DROPPING when a villain character just starts ruthlessly tearing apart the main cast#seriously!! I'm not even a kid and I'm always glued to the screen when Rob murders Darwin#there's something so visceral about the way darwin chokes and gags and collapses before going still and silent#and the horror and rage on gumball's face after...... CHILLS MAN!!#if the movie captures even a FRACTION of this energy I will be so happy
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to be honest ive spent so much of my life thinking about mediocre media and filling in gaps in canon and focusing on random innocuous details that i forget that people like. want things to be objectively "good" or "well done" bc in my mind something is good if there is at least one interesting aspect for me to think about and sink my teeth into
#the owl house for example a lot of people were upset that like the wittebane past wasnt expanded on#and like some of that is time restraints obv but like im like. but they did. theres so much (i went through hollow mind#and screenshotted every portrait and put them in chronological order. which btw these are judt objects in the background#barely focused on. but anyways if you put them in order they tell a pretty clear story. and then masha summarizes it later#and im just like. there it is do you need more? Now there is a playground for me to play in#or like legend of zelda has such a grip on my brain because there are sooo many inconsistencies in lore and story. like#if the timeline made sense it wouldnt be as fun to think about. but now its a fun jigsaw puzzle for me to play with#rvb also.#like idk. its nice when things are good and well done but i love looking st plot holes and taking a shovel and digging even deeper.#Sometimes you end up filling in the hole when you do that. or sometimes everything collapses. but its fun!!#i like having fun and playing with my toys
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I haven’t read your fanfiction yet but I saw it on AO3 after just posting my own and flipping through chapters I saw you noted down your Tumblr account and I just wanted to say from the bits and pieces I skimmed through it seems very good and I’m excited to read it
oh yay! It's always nice to know folk are actually reading the stuff I throw out there :3c
ik it's not everyone's cup of tea because I avoid canon characters like the plague in fear of making them ooc. which I hope to make up for it by trying to offer like.. a parallel experience to what the player character does
#destiny#I also get like super into the world building#I look up the smallest things on Ishtar#actually an idea has been bouncing in my brain of collecting anything that mentions 'inches' or 'feet'#maybe even yards or miles#to prove that unfortunately the imperial system survived not only the Golden Age but the Collapse#(even tho it's most definitely a case of American writers forgetting to unamericanize their work#we have a habit of making everything united states centric oopsies#this is also why I take heckin forever to get anything out there#I'm constantly doubting my work and if I'm properly conveying the writers lens vs a characters lens#it's actuslly kinda fun#esp with Rin cause shes kinda stupid when it comes to like everything#so it's been rlly fun making sure I write with her perspective in mind and remove myself from the equation
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