#pessimism will not save you. giving up will not save you

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

It’s kinda funny having made/discovered my own spiritual path because while on the one hand I want to share my perspective with others, on the other I know it’s either going to sound completely batshit or be taken the complete opposite way.

Like I could easily see how it could be twisted into atheistic pessimistic nihilism (/neg) and/or fatalism or something when it’s literally pantheistic optimistic (or at least true [that is: not just shorthand for pessimistic] realistic) nihilism (/pos/neu).

Idk none of that makes any sense probably. I promise I’m not trying to sound pretentious I just spent years fixating on different spiritual perspectives and concepts. I don’t know how to divorce it from the jargon or whatever in a way that still gets the idea across. Maybe I’ll try to elaborate one of these days idk

I feel a bit like the ant on that motherboard from that one post about Lovecraftian/eldritch madness lmao

[artbyblastweave]

Frederick Sinclair is a really interesting foil to Mr. House. I mean you start digging into this and it's just parallel after parallel after parallel. Start at the high level. House sinks inordinate amounts of resources into saving the city of Las Vegas - not the people, but the city- from nuclear destruction; as long as the stage endures, he can get anyone to wear the costumes. Sinclair sets up an entirely new "community" totally off-the-grid for the sake of protecting one woman, plasters that place with her likeness. House is a visionary with a 200-year action plan to rebuild society in his image, bootstrap space exploration, and construct an interplanetary empire; Sinclair sank everything he had into building the most secure facility possible for a woman who he knew was terminally ill anyway, just to ensure that her last few years lived in the aftermath of the nuclear apocalypse would be as comfortable as possible- there's a fundamental pessimism baked into what he was doing. Both House and Sinclair relied heavily on automated defensive systems and cutting-edge, esoteric technologies to accomplish their ends, but House built his power base on proprietary robotics and computing technology, much of which he personally designed- an outgrowth of his policy of never widening his circle any more than he absolutely has to. Sinclair, in his naive techno-optimism, outsourced his utopia, grabbing flashy third-party technologies like a kid in a candy store- opening a backdoor for the Think Tank to poison his city and ultimately getting everyone at the Gala Event killed when the holograms malfunctioned and went berserk.

Their management styles are inverse. House allows countless abuses to occur under his aegis because he subscribes to a libertarian-when-convenient philosophy where he doesn't much care what the little people do as long as he gets his cut and they don't rock the boat too much- a hands-off approach that fosters resentment amongst his subordinates, lets the White Gloves and Omertas get up to untold levels of fuckery while Freeside languishes and Benny conspires against him. Sinclair, by contrast, had a sincerely-held utopian-straight-edge safety-first micromanagement approach built into the very bones of the casino, he appeared to genuinely give a shit about the safety of the construction crew on the villa, and he was well-liked by nearly everyone who had any direct contact with him- and yet untold horrors also went down under his aegis, because his myopic focus on building the vault for Vera let Dean Domino and the Think Tank run circles around him, good intentions be damned. Their respective interpersonal dispassion and obsession are on display in how they react to betrayal. House's tone never rises above exasperation when it comes time to clean house of Benny, the Omerta Leadership and the White gloves; he treats them as problems to be solved, gears that are slightly out of alignment; By contrast, when Sinclair learns that Dean and Vera have been playing him, he channels the monomaniacal energy he previously directed towards protecting Vera towards the goal of building the perfect poetic-ironic death trap for her and Dean.

There are some other parallels in their personal lives. For one thing they both trusted a pastiche of a 40s lounge singer a lot more than they should have. They both tried to digitize, immortalize their girlfriends- and the discrepancy in how they went about it is telling. House's recreation of Jane isn't terribly robust, and in terms of House's overall project she's an afterthought. She's more a sock-puppet than a person, a sanded-down copy of a woman who died forever-and-a-half ago, forever agreeable, never saying no. Convenient. Only the most superficial visual elements preserved- an illustration of her face on a robotic chassis. Sinclair was obsessive in recreating Vera, preserving her likeness. It's all over the villa, her hologram is everywhere, her voice is everywhere. The terminal in the lightwave lab in Old World Blues reveals that he was still obsessed with getting her hologram right even after the love curdled into hate. All of it a monument to the real woman, and yet in all of it the real woman is still lost, buried under the mythologized projection. He didn't respect the real person enough to let her know that she was dying. A total failure of preservation from the opposite direction. (Except in the suites, where you can hear her very authentic dying pleas.)

You find both of them in their basements. House only looks a little better than Sinclair, but he's got much more of a voice in the narrative. He took steps to make sure he'd be around to tell you what he thinks about everything, fine-tuned the voice with which he speaks to the world, the face he presents. It matters to him that he gets to tell his own story. We find out a lot about House, from House; but for the kind of figure that he is, a shocking amount of what we learn about Sinclair comes from other people, people who knew him or wrote about him. The only image of him you can find is a downplayed element of a larger mosaic. The two documents you find that're written from his perspective have been buried for 200 years, and they're yards from his corpse. And the more recent of the two is an apology. I mean admittedly at the point where he wrote that apology Sinclair was personally turbofucked regardless. If the cloud didn't get him the holograms would have, or the radiation, or, or, or. You can read some level of ego into what he did in the face of that. But however futile it was, he died in the specific way that he did because he recognized that he'd done something awful, and he was trying everything he could think of to correct it. Somehow I find it very hard to imagine House doing either of those things- admitting fault or putting skin of his own in the game to make it right.

[suguru-getos]

୨・┈﹕✦﹕ Kinktober Day 24﹕✦﹕┈・୧

-> Event Masterlist

Geto Suguru x F!Reader -> Size Kink

Summary: After returning from your trip, you found out your boyfriend is not okay. Maybe a vacation (To Venice) ;) would help. (Mentions of Deppressed!Suguru, angst, breakdowns, toothrotting fluff and comfort, Satoru being a wonderful best friend, Suguru healing) ❤️‍🩹 Basically hurt-comfort with size!kink 😭

Warnings: Angst, breakdowns, Suguru’s deranged and suc!dal and has murderUrges, Reader (us) comfort him and pull him out from it. Mentions of reader’s breakdowns, cus I mean— 🤷🏻‍♀️ Look at him!!?? Nipple-play, breeding, softsex, sensual, FLUFFY AND NICE AND SUGURU’s so Spoiling towards us it’s just 🙈

A/N: Guys I had sm fun 🥹😵‍💫🩵 writing this I swear!! Hurt-comfort is like my favorite thing in the whole wide world <33 I love to characterize Suguru & to play around with his character. *Screeches and screams* 🍨🍦 I made him yummy thank me later xx Also can we look at the images of him above 🥵 size kink BRRRR

"If you really think, you can do everything, take everything in, save people, and somehow save yourself along with the deceitful thinking that you will protect me. Then you're wrong!" Tears welled up in your eyes, the pain clearly imminent in Suguru's eyes. He looked dead inside, and no mourning was soothing your ache for your older Suguru. You just, missed him beyond beliefs… even when he was right beside you. You hoped he would response to your cry of pain, your bleeding words, but he didn't have it in him anymore. Suguru had almost, given up on himself.

Your hands found themselves clasping onto his collar, pulling him closer to you. "Suguru, look at me, I am telling you something. Can't you fucking see how much it hurts!" You screamed, losing your calm, your temper. It felt ironical to complain to him about how much it's hurting you. You can see he's got it worse; the nights full of terrors and the days full of decaying cursed spirits. You were an empath for your lover, and it was clear staying near him was subjecting you to everything he felt. He doesn't want to see you this way, desperate and hurting…

"I'm sorry, Angel." Suguru sighed, wrecked with the way you burst into tears and hugged him. Voice choking onto sobs as you earnestly tried clutching onto him for dear life. "Sugu, come back to me please come back…" You cried, wailed and eventually dropped onto your knees. The incomprehensible feeling, the heaviness of the things Suguru was going through was making you breathless.

Suguru's heart was only breaking further apart, watching you slowly scrape away in front of him. "I want to kill myself." He finally spoke up, "No, truth is, I want to kill everyone."

This was the first time Suguru was opening up, and no matter how brutal it sounded, his eyes were still kind. Maybe because it was you, in front of him. "You are a sorcerer, too, I shouldn't say this to you, but I hate those monkeys." He radiates pessimism and negativity through him. Yet, you smile a little.

"Come with me, go away with me." You held his hands, squeezing them tightly as if you were grateful they're not cold. You truly were. They were warm, they were still your Suguru's hands.

"Please, Suguru, let's go away for some time." You urged, and he knelt with you, hugging you tightly, not caring about the whimper that escapes you because of his firm grip.

"Running away, won't solve anything." He echoed, and you felt your stomach sink. Soft sniffles echoing in the room as you shook your head like a tantrum-y child.  "No, we will solve everything. You and I, we can solve everything. No matter what it is." You cupped his face, becoming stronger for him. "It's okay to feel like this Suguru, it's okay. I'm here." You nudge, watching his eyes showing signs of at least, some life in them. "Can you, not give up?" You meant on himself, you meant on everything.

To make sure, he understands… you hummed again, "makes me feel like, I'm being abandoned."

Suguru blinked at that, letting your words settle deep within. "Makes me feel like, I'm not even worth fighting for." You looked down, not having the guts to say this to him while making eye-contact. "Please, let's elope somewhere Sugu." You crooned, babying him almost. "I will follow you to the ends of the earth anyway, even if your path is changed." You hum, and with the way your pupils fixated on your hands intertwined, Suguru knows you mean it.

"Okay, maybe… I do need a little get away." Suguru smiled tenderly, partial charm returning to his eyes.

Oh it felt like rain in famine, "Good, thank you, I love you."

"I love you too, my Angel."

---

The next thing was you booking tickets to go to Europe. You urged Satoru and Yaga to not assign any more missions for Suguru. It was hard, you and Suguru were both powerful special grade sorcerers; but hey- you both had Satoru to rely on. "I told you the moment he lost weight, he wasn't doing okay." Satoru scoffed, rolling his eyes, tapping at his feet impatiently in the café you decided to meet him in. "What the fuck is up with being the one to hide things?" Satoru was pissed, why would his best friend not communicate? "Makes him feel less of a man?" You chuckle at that, you knew Satoru loved him almost as much as you did. "I've persuaded him to go on a trip with me." "You did?" Satoru was… amazed. These days, Suguru wasn't even joining in for any normal outings. Wasn't going out of his house for weeks, wasn't even meeting you. Things worsened when you left to Korea for a mission longer than 3 weeks. You had to stay there for some Jujutsu School Collaboration initiative. That's when Suguru was off his leash, truly at his worst. Taking missions more than he should, succumbing to the darkness of his mind and the curses.

"Just, want you to handle things while we're gone." You sipped onto the iced frappe you've ordered. Meanwhile Satoru ate a mochi, seemingly absent-minded and bored. "You don't have to worry about that, you know I'd do that in a heartbeat for him." He bratted, raising a brow at you. "And you…"

You smiled at that, nodding gently. It felt good to have the 'Strongest' so whipped for your boyfriend, and platonically you, as well.

The higher-ups posed a threat, as always. 'Why is Suguru Geto not on missions?' ; 'Did he get off the job of a Sorcerer?' especially the cunt-faced Principal of Kyoto. You and Satoru personally paid him a disrespectful visit at his school. Nothing he can complain against, wouldn't sit well to anger two special grades, will it? Despite showing that the Sorcerer world is only filled with people who are willing to take on the role- example: Nanami switching from corporate jobs to a sorcerer job… it was still, at the end, a disgusting, foul powerplay hidden beneath shackles of rules. If you are a special grade sorcerer, they'd do anything to hold on to you. Even blackmails are not far off the list. Emotionally draining…

---

"I have booked us a flight to Venice, baby." You sat cross legged on the swing chair Suguru's house has, fondling with your iPad and searching for hotel venues. "Venice huh." Suguru was still numbed, but at least, not he couldn't avoid you because practically you lived with him now. "Yeah, we can go to Switzerland, and also wherever you want. I hear Germany this time of the year is beautiful." You croaked excitedly, swaying your legs as he walked towards you, sitting on the chair in front of you. "Satoru told me you and I are on a vacation for months." He came directly on the point. "The trip isn't that long, is it?" He manspreaded, raising a brow.

You gulped, smiling softly, the last thing you need is him feeling 'weak'. You had to approach this carefully. "Suguru, I think you and I have done enough missions for a while. I want us to spend some time together, to ourselves." You added some degree of truth, "Also, I don't want you to keep eating curses and letting them eat you from the inside and I don't want to lose the person I love the most in my fucking life." With the way you affirmatively snapped, there was no way, Suguru would battle against it. A soft nod was all you got as a response.

"Alright, I will handle the packing. Don't want you screeching like a wild animal when you discover you forgot your charger." He leaned in, giving you a chaste peck & you giggled. "Of course."

---

The packing, the preparations, the dressing up and going to the Airport, the flight where you slept leaned against his shoulder. All went by in a tender haze of beautiful memories. Inflicted and infected by his sadness, still. Though you wouldn't mind. You're ready to accept him rotten if needed.

When you two reached Venice, the Victorian style hotel with the boats and the beautiful lakes was in fact, refreshing for him; and you. You knew it because Suguru had stopped going to your shared balcony of the house, now here he was, standing there, observing the people. The couples giggling and kissing each other, the boat rowers singing in their native Italian language, the streets with so much hustle and bustle… yet calming. You hugged him from behind, breathing in his scent. "Like it?" "Love it, my beautiful baby." He crooned back, turning towards you and pulling you closer to him by your hips. "I love you." He chanted, almost in a way that he used to when he first asked you out. These past few months were hard and rough, but if you were able to have him back, even infinitely slowly… you'd dedicate it to eradicating all his sadness.

"If you want, I can dress very Lana Del Rey today and we could make steamy love." You giggled, leaning in and kissing him softly. Suguru and you… yeah, haven't made love in a while. You'd never push him when he isn't feeling it, and naturally, someone who's suffering so much would have it at the last thing on his mind.

"You're right, how disappointing of me… I don't remember the last time I treated you, I worshipped you." He thought out loud, and you pouted. "It's okay Suguru, don't think about it like that. Think about how you're gonna make it up to me." You stuck your tongue out, giggling.

It's the way he looks at you, like he's starving and you're delectable. It's the way his eyes are loud enough with their projection of love that it quiets the world down for you. It's the way Suguru Geto breathes, that makes you love him so much you'd break.

Right now, he's doing the same thing… being himself. Hands wandering to your sides and helping you wrap your legs around his waist as he walked towards the shared bedroom of the hotel. Leaning in and kissing you passionately, shoving his tongue just to show how much he's been deeply yearning. Admiration coated in every action. "So lucked out that I have you." He smiled to himself, kissing your forehead deeply once you were nestled into the succumbing softness of the mattress.

"Same," you grin back, watching him undress you with his eyes first, and then his hands followed. You mimicked the same movements.

"I can't handle the fucking hotness!" You whined, once he was left in his pants, upper body naked for you to devour. Suguru chuckled, heat rushing through his cheeks and core as he cupped your face, kissing you once again.

The thing about you and him is, Suguru is big. He's built like a bulky man. Stretched to 6'3'', broad shoulders that'd hold two of you, hands big enough you miss almost an inch if you were to compare his with yours. Yeah, Suguru was big and you were tiny. Something that only aided to you being subbier and smaller to him. Letting him manhandle and take all the control that he wants to.

"Who do you belong to, darling?" He cooed, watching you instantly answer. "You, forever and always."

It warms his heart when he hears that, spreading your damp pussy lips with his fingers and thrusting a finger into you. It's been… long. He knows it with the way you're clamping for dear life, just on his digit. "Sh-i-t," You croak out, while Suguru hushed you with a soft kiss, slowly moving his finger in and out of your pussy. Once he felt you had accepted his finger's girth, he inserted another one. "AH god-" You whined, mewling at the delicious stretch of his thick and long fingers being coated with your essence. "You want to make sweet love and you're so worked up with the fingers alone." He chuckled to himself, stretching you out so good, curling them against the familiar sensitive spot.

Your back arched, the way your pussy clamped as if she was a slave to his hands and cock.

"Oh she's close." He cooed, "Go on, cum for me then I can ruin you with me." He kissed your pelvis, holding it down as your orgasm raked through you, approaching fiercely and shuddering your body against him as waves of pleasure took over you. "Good girl. Good little girl." Suguru praised, riding it out for you. Once the orgasm's high settled, Suguru took out his fingers and suckled onto them, eyes never leaving yours.

"Want you, so bad!" You gasped out, pulling him closer to you by wrapping your legs around him, feeling the imprint of his cock into you. "Alright alright, impatient little girl." He smirks, pushing the tip of his pre-leaking cock into you in one swift stroke. Mean, Suguru Geto is mean sometimes… especially when he wants you to be scream at the stretch only he can give you. No one else, he wants your pussy to know only how he feels. Damn he's big, and when he pushes himself balls deep, your pussy is strained beyond its limit. "Shit- s- so big Sugu." You whimper out, tearing up at the ache.

"Ssh, it's okay darling. I'm still. Adjust to me, go on." Suguru patiently waits, kissing your face all over, leaning in and kissing your breasts, suckling onto your nipples while you clamped and waited for the pain to settle in.

"Move, please…" You glance at him now, doe-eyed and insatiable.

"Of course, took you some time to adjust to me huh? Tiny little baby." He smiles, thrusting into you without relent. Your womb stops him from going in any further, your insides torn apart deliciously at the feeling of being ploughed by him. "Oh- G- oh God," words fail you, the air choked out of your lungs with how good it hurts, with how pleasureful it feels.

Suguru's hand laced around your pelvis, pressing on it gently. "Got you," He smirks cockily, holding your hand and keeping it on your pelvis, enveloped by his own as he pressed.

A shrill scream filled the room, "Oh you can sense it, can't you sweetheart? Sense how deep I reach?" You moan at the pressure, pushing you closer and closer to the edge as you hopelessly nodded. Gasping and choking on air. "God yes, Sugu- AH please- oh my- g'nna," You whimpered, while Suguru was at a rhythmic pace now. Sometimes pulling all the way out and pushing back all the way in. He loved seeing you walk the rope between pleasure and pain.

"Good girl, with the way you're holding onto me, I can sense you're close." Suguru hummed, grounding you with his kisses, his spoiled little praises.

"Go on, show me how much you missed me."

"Just like (thrust) I (thrust) missed (thrust) this (thrust) pussy-" Suguru toppled off the edge right with you, painting your insides white with his warmth. "Oh god- fuck-"

You shudder, spasming around his cock and milking him further.

"That's it, I got you. I got you." Suguru reminded, leaning in and kissing you softly, tenderly, as if you'd break if he were to touch you wrong.

"I missed you, I missed this." He mused to himself, blushing a little at the sight of you fucked out and half-lidded. You nodded, still taking ragged breaths. "I love you"

"I love you too, Angel."

[cypressvs]

PAPER RINGS

pairing: blade/gn!reader

cw: reader is a stellaron hunter, vague blade lore, possibly ooc

wc: 0.7k | join the taglist

“What’s this.”

The unenthusiastic tone that had transformed an innocent question into a scalding statement made you smile sheepishly, tangling your fingers with your partner friend ally. At the face of his unchanging expression, uncertainty swelled under your ribs—a silent whisper that surely such childish activities would be unappreciated by someone who’s always so stretched thin by uncountable and inexplicable concerns. It was what lead you to peering into those devilish eyes, seeking something, anything that can quell the brewing storm of embarrassment from under your skin. Whether it was a product of your imagination (as delusional as that sounds) or a fickle tolerance you managed to instill in him (again, another delusional statement), the tiny beginnings of curiosity and maybe amusement bedazzles his ruby glare.

“It’s a paper ring,” you reply as soon as you muster enough audacity to flash him a cheerful, deceivingly innocent smile.

“For what?”

You press your lips; a small popping sound escaping as you fall into thought. “Dunno… A good luck gift, maybe.”

Blade makes a noncommittal sound before leaving you to your devices. With nothing now to distract you from your pessimism, you think that this conversation too, despite your efforts, would fall into the category of unremarkable memories that did little to bridge the gap between you and the not-so-stranger strange stranger.

01:46:40 System Time.

A weathered sword swipes through the mara-struck, dispersing the air with a sharp whoosh that accompanied practiced movements. The wielder does not do so much as flinch as he evades an incoming attack. He just swings and thrusts and pierces through armor and wood, ignoring the scent of undying death being emitted from both his and his enemies’ skin. It dampens his mood, somewhat, and the brief opportunity casted by his sudden somberness makes his breath hitch almost imperceptibly.

“Hey.” He seethes before falling into a long period of unnerving silence where no tangible thing dared to step close to him—not the mara-struck, not the wind, not the faint rays of the moonlight from high above. He drops his gaze to the ground, to the sheet laid untangled from the meticulous folds it once remembered; to the white that has now become a crimson as blood seeped into its every nook and cranny. For this, he rages.

“Where do you think you’re cutting?”

His skin fizzles as the open wound on his knuckles stitched itself together. He glowers under the shadows of the night before everything falls into the permanence of nothing.

10:21:38 System Time.

You groan into your sheets as you untangle yourself from the claws of sleep. It was rare for you to be granted the opportunity to wake up relatively late when your group of rag tag criminals are fewer in number compared to the intergalactic crimes that needed to be committed. With a sigh, you move to scrub away the remnants of sleep from your eyes. However, you end up freezing as you eye the little something on your ring finger that you were dead certain wasn’t there when you fell asleep. It was a simple silver band, nothing too special save for the pretty red gemstone embedded in it. 

“You’re awake.”

You stifle a scream as you glance at your doorway where Blade, as disinterested as ever, stood with his arm folded over the other.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“That.” He motions to your hand—or rather the ring.

What does ‘that’ mean? Did he give it? Did he mean to take it back? Was he waiting for gratitude or any other reaction from you? What does ‘that’ mean?! 

At your continuing non-reply, Blade sighs. Out of pity, you surmised hours later, he breaks the off-putting silence. “I was under the impression that you have to pay back what you are given.”

“Pay back?” You repeat before tilting your head. “For what?”

He thinks of the paper ring—of what it symbolized—the sincere well-wishes, the silent promises, the warm concern, and all of the tender affection you had naïvely but so very sweetly offered him. He thinks of the sheer anger that filled his being as he allowed hell to dampen the earth as that cretin tore it before he can ponder over it or store it or preserve it or love it behind the safety of his room. Blade thinks of many things but he voices none of it, only flashing you one of his near-crazed and far-from-decipherable smirks before departing from your bedroom, ignoring your baffled cries and appalled confusion.

TAGLIST:

@yevene @haiitsley1603

© 2023 CYPRESSVS. all rights reserved. do not copy, claim, repost or translate in any platforms.

[pjsk-writin]

Breaks through window. hi may I request Niigo with reader who is very pessimistic?? Ty may I also become 🍥 anon??

DHDJSKKDF yes ofc !! welcome aboard 🍥 anon, i wrote this separately but let me know if you want anything changed ! I hope u like this !! <3

♤ PESSIMIST - Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome and Mizuki Akiyama x Reader

Kanade:

Kanade tries her best to help you believe that not everything is wrong. She might even think it's something she'll "save" you from

She composes a song dedicated to you, hoping it'll help you see the positive instead of the negative

Even if the song doesn't change much, she hopes it helps give you a new perspective

She works towards helping you see the world in a better light, but is also respectful if you can't shift your point of view

She loves you, and she wants to make sure you're living life as best you can <3

Mafuyu:

Mafuyu doesn't feel much, so she might not understand why your perspective is so bleak

If you talk about one of your more pessimistic viewpoints while her facade is down, she'll bluntly ask if it makes you feel better

It doesn't, so she asks you why you see the world the way you do. She's very interested to learn

She'll sit and listen to you as you talk about your pessimism, and can't help but question you about it

She can't really do much besides hear you out, but she always wonders if being happier would help you both

Ena:

Ena is used to being pessimistic towards her creations and herself, but she doesn't know how to feel with your pessimism

She cares about you a lot, and hearing how you see the world makes her feel bad. She doesn't know if she can do much for you

Sometimes she takes inspiration from the way you describe things and paints them. It's always in darker colors

She tries to help cheer you up every now and then, but if you mention noticing her efforts, she'll shrug you off

She just wants you to be happy, and if you can be happy while being pessimistic, she'll leave you alone

Mizuki:

Mizuki tries their best to look for the better (and cuter) things in life, so they don't truly understand your pessimism

They might tease you about it, but only if you're okay with it. They have called you a debbie downer in the past though

They'll definitely be tempted to take you around town and go to a bunch of shops to change your perspective

There's so many cute things in the world, how can you think the world is a bleak place? They want to show you it all!

They definitely buy you bright clothing. They just want to help you be more optimistic about the things around you

taglist ! ; @fayeelikefairie , @starry-sky-melody , @lovecord25 , @memoriesmelody , @averagemizukikinnie

[burst-of-iridescent]

the official zutara dissertation (p.6)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 

Now that we have discussed both Zutara and Kat.aang from a Watsonian and Doylist perspective, we will do the same for the second half of the canon pairings: Mai and Zuko. In this final section, I will prove that Mai.ko’s relationship was incompatible, dysfunctional, and did a disservice to both Mai and Zuko’s character arcs, as well as the themes of the show overall. 

BOOK 6: THE DUMPSTER FIRE OF MAI.KO 

Why Mai and Zuko don’t work in canon 

1. Mai and Zuko have fundamentally incompatible character traits.  

Zuko’s fundamental character trait is empathy. Mai’s fundamental character trait is apathy. Zuko is fiercely emotional, expressive and cares deeply about others, even strangers he doesn’t know. Mai is reserved, closed-off and barely seems to care about anyone, even her own family members. It’s true that opposites attract is a common romantic trope, but successful execution of this trope lies in the fact that those differences are compatible in a way that betters both parties, whereas Mai and Zuko’s do not. 

Zuko and Mai are canonically unable to reconcile these differences between themselves. Zuko wants Mai to be more open and expressive, calling her a “big blah” and telling her “I wish you would be high strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside” (Book 3: The Beach). Mai finds it impossible to live up to these expectations, sarcastically apologizing for not being “as high strung and crazy as the rest of you” and yelling at Zuko and Azula to leave her alone when they press her into expressing herself (Book 3: The Beach). Zuko cannot accept Mai as she is, wanting her to fundamentally change herself, while Mai is unwilling to make this change and unable to understand the need for it in the first place. 

While these conflicting traits would create a dysfunctional relationship in any circumstance, it is particularly unacceptable when both parties are about to become rulers (of a nation recovering from war, no less) – a position that demands compassion and empathy. When Mai doesn’t even seem bothered about her own brother being kidnapped (Book 2: Return to Omashu), how is she supposed to care about the people of the Fire Nation? When Mai was ready to order around servants for the fun of it (Book 3: Nightmares and Daydreams), how is she supposed to dedicate her life to serving others?

2. Mai does not truly know or love Zuko for who he is, bringing out only the worst in him. 

With Mai, Zuko plays the role of what he believes to be the “perfect” Fire Nation prince. He is lazy, spoilt, and obedient to his father and the Fire Nation – all of which is entirely antithetical to who Zuko is at his core. 

The Zuko who relentlessly hunted the Avatar for three years with dogged determination, discipline and effort, who stood up for an enemy village, who spoke up in a war meeting at thirteen to save innocent lives is not the Zuko who lounged around eating fruit tarts and silently sat by while his father planned to slaughter millions – and yet the latter is the Zuko that Mai “loves”, even though this is the complete opposite of the person Zuko is, or should be. Zuko himself admits as much, even outright telling Mai that though he was finally the son Ozai wanted, he wasn’t himself (Book 3: Nightmares and Daydreams). 

If she genuinely loved Zuko, Mai should have realized this and pushed Zuko to stay true to who he is – but she never disagrees with or disapproves of Zuko’s behaviour in the Fire Nation. In fact, in most of their scenes she seems to enable it, encouraging him to laze around and dragging him into nihilistic self-indulgence and pessimism with her. The Mai that we see with Zuko is undoubtedly Zuko as the worst version of himself. 

Zuko is an idealist, someone who never gives up, who believes in doing the impossible, and at the end of the show he is in a position where he desperately needs those qualities to recover from a century of war and change his country. The last thing he needs is someone who cannot share a similar vision, who “hates the world” (Book 3: The Headband) and can only react to it with cold indifference at best. (Hmm, I wonder if we know another female character who always chooses to see the best in the world and actively works to improve it?)

Ideally, a good romance has characters be drawn to each other because they see and love one another for who they are, but neither Mai nor Zuko are able to do this. The Zuko that Mai loves is completely unlike the person he really is, while Zuko wants Mai to be the opposite of who she truly is. 

Ultimately, this makes their relationship impossible to buy, because neither appears to like or even know the other for who they really are, and everything we are shown of their personalities and dynamic seems to suggest that there is no reason they would even fall for each other in the first place. 

3. Mai and Zuko cannot truly connect with or understand each other, making their relationship appear shallow and based purely on physical attraction.  

The incompatibilities in Mai and Zuko’s personalities makes it impossible for them to connect on a deeper level, forcing their relationship to remain shallow and stagnant. 

Mai’s lack of desire to express herself means that she does not open up, and in turn frequently cuts Zuko off when he tries to. In their very first scene together, when Zuko tries to discuss his worries with Mai, she tells him that she “didn’t ask for his whole life story” (Book 3: The Awakening) and promptly shuts him down. This pattern continues to be sustained throughout their relationship, with Mai failing to understand why Zuko is upset not to be invited to the war meeting and even glibly insinuating that he should be happy not to go, given the incident that occurred at the last one (Book 3: Nightmares and Daydreams). 

When Zuko needs comfort or reassurance, Mai’s response is to either kiss him  and just tell him to stop worrying (Book 3: The Awakening) or suggest that he abuse his power over his servants (Book 3: Nightmares and Daydreams), which in and of itself proves just how little Mai actually knows Zuko if she thinks that would genuinely cheer him up. Mai cannot meaningfully support Zuko, because she doesn’t truly listen to or understand his concerns in the first place. 

This, coupled with the fact that Mai never really opens up about her own feelings and thoughts, makes it impossible for them to truly connect on a deep, intimate level. This restricts their relationship to be characterized by kissing, flirting and fighting, none of which seem to indicate a genuine, lasting love on either side. Ultimately, this leaves the impression that the only thing really holding Mai.ko together is pure physical attraction, and nothing more. 

4. Mai and Zuko’s dynamic is toxic, and would make them both miserable in the long run. 

Mai and Zuko are fundamentally incapable of giving each other what they need in a relationship. 

Zuko, an abuse survivor, needs a partner who wears their heart on their sleeve, who can be both kind and direct, who understands him without excusing him. He does not need a partner who orders him around by making him get food for her, or repays his efforts to do something nice for her with ingratitude (Book 3: The Beach). He does not need a partner who puts his life in danger for her own petty grievances (Book 3: The Boiling Rock, Part 2), or who belittles and “jokingly” threatens him to stay in the relationship (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 4). 

Zuko’s dynamic with Mai reveals a severe lack of communication, sensitivity, and support. While this would be frustrating in any circumstance, it is particularly toxic given that it repeats many of the patterns of abuse that Zuko endured in his childhood. The last thing Zuko needs is to spend a lifetime with another distant loved one who seems impossible to please, who leaves him struggling to figure out what they need from him and makes him feel small and inferior. 

On the other hand, a lifetime with Zuko would also mean unhappiness for Mai – not only because Zuko wants her to be someone she’s not, but because the role of Fire Lady would be extremely suffocating for her. As someone who apparently grew up with parents that stifled her (Book 3: The Beach) and is bored very easily, having to spend the rest of her life dealing with the rigid, tedious machinations of politics and ruling would be torture for Mai. Coupled with her inherent lack of emotional qualities necessary for the position, becoming Fire Lady would spell disaster for Mai, Zuko, and the country as a whole. 

The Narrative Failure of Mai.ko 

1. Zuko’s development at the end of the show has outstripped Mai’s and having them reconcile is an insult to his character. 

When the show ends, Zuko has completed his redemption arc and is unquestionably a hero. He has unlearned the nationalist indoctrination he grew up with, made amends for his mistakes, and is nothing like the person he used to be in the Fire Nation. 

Mai, however, has undergone none of this growth. She is never shown to question the Fire Nation, disapprove of Fire Nation imperialism or disagree with the Fire Nation’s actions. In their last interaction before their final reconciliation, she still believes that Zuko is a traitor, accusing him of betraying his country and clearly not understanding why he defected (Book 3: The Boiling Rock, Part 2). 

Mai ending up with Zuko when she is never shown to grow out of her beliefs or actually work against the Fire Nation on her own terms makes absolutely no sense. She and Zuko are on entirely different paths, and it took Zuko – someone far more empathetic than Mai – years to turn against the Fire Nation. It does Zuko a disservice to suggest that he would willingly be with Mai when he knows that she, at this point, does not share his ideals or beliefs, and has a much longer and more difficult journey ahead of her to get there (it’s also questionable if she ever does really get there, given that she doesn’t appear to care about people she’s not personally involved with). 

Had Zuko never defected and instead turned into yet another war-mongering Fire Lord, Mai would have stayed with him. When Zuko has a complete perspective change and pivots in the opposite direction to who Mai originally believed he would become, she still stays with him. Mai ending up with Zuko when he has undergone such a huge change and she hasn’t, loving two entirely different and essentially contradictory people, is utterly nonsensical. 

2. Mai’s characterization is retconned to justify her redemption. 

“I love Zuko more than I fear you!” is certainly a cool line... except nothing about how Mai is set up until The Boiling Rock earns that statement from her character. 

Mai is more than eager to join Azula when she comes to recruit her, even when she finds out that they’re going to hunt down Zuko. At this point, Mai has no reason to believe that Azula will bring Zuko back to the Fire Nation safely, but shows no hesitation about potentially capturing and hurting Zuko, even smiling when Ty Lee says “It’ll be interesting to see Zuko again, won’t it?” (Book 2: Return to Omashu)

Mai defies Azula on multiple occasions with no concern, which implies that she is either unafraid of Azula, or does not believe that Azula will punish her even when she disobeys her. She refuses to enter the sewers to fight Katara and Toph, saying “she can shoot all the lightning she wants at me, I’m not going in there” (Book 2: The Drill) and releases the Earth King’s bear without a fight despite the fact that she is clearly supposed to be on guard (Book 2: The Crossroads of Destiny). 

Unlike Ty Lee, there is never a moment before her betrayal where Mai seems scared of Azula – and the animators do add moments of Mai breaking her apathetic façade (such as when Ty Lee hugs her), so they could certainly have done the same in other scenes to show that Mai is secretly afraid of Azula and doesn’t agree with her actions. As it is, there is no distinction made between what Mai does out of supposed fear of Azula and what she does of her own agency, and this makes her redemption and characterization unbelievable. 

3. Mai’s redemption is unsatisfactory and undermines the importance of redemption as one of the show’s major themes.  

Apart from her retconned characterization, the only other build-up to Mai’s redemption is her betrayal of Azula to save Zuko – except this betrayal doesn’t happen because she experiences growth and rejects the ideology of the Fire Nation of her own will, but because Zuko switches sides, for some reason Mai doesn’t even understand.

If the writers truly wanted to redeem Mai’s character from the start, she had to be shown to distance herself from the Fire Nation in some way, or at least participate in Fire Nation militarism only under duress (as the show did with Ty Lee, which is why her redemption is far more believable). Instead, they characterize Mai as an outright villain, and then try to redeem her at the last minute. 

This is particularly galling given the emphasis the show places on restitution as a part of achieving redemption. Zuko’s redemption is satisfying because he doesn’t immediately earn it after one good deed – he has to genuinely see the error of his ways, and then make amends for the hurt he caused. Yet, despite the fact that Mai also hunted the Gaang all over the world seemingly of her own volition, and showed absolutely none of the growth Zuko went through, she’s automatically redeemed because she saved Zuko and his friends once? 

Unless Mai magically saw the light while in prison (which isn’t canon, and off-screen character development is not development in any case), neither Zuko nor the Gaang should be comfortable being around Mai at the end of the show, let alone playing pai sho with her in a tea shop. Team Avatar’s easy acceptance of Mai, and Zuko’s willingness to take her back, is a slap in the face both to Zuko’s hard won redemption and to the importance the show places on earning redemption. 

4. Making Mai.ko canon undercuts the entire narrative purpose of their relationship, which was meant to illustrate why Zuko made the wrong choice in returning to the Fire Nation. 

The reason why Mai.ko is so dysfunctional is because the audience is supposed to see that it is wrong. We are not meant to root for Zuko to find happiness with Mai, because Zuko’s arc in the first half of book 3 is intended to prove that his choice to return to the Fire Nation was 100% the wrong one. 

Everything about Zuko’s time in the Fire Nation is supposed to make him uncomfortable and miserable, to show him without the slightest hint of doubt that he is not where he’s meant to be. His relationship with Mai is another seemingly “perfect” aspect of this life that is supposed to make him happy, but does not because it is fundamentally wrong for the person he truly is. When Zuko decides to defect, the decision is supposed to be clear, no longer something to struggle with, because he finally realizes that everything he thought he wanted is not what he really wants. He has changed too much for that, and the fact that he does not want those things any longer is good.

Making Maiko canon after this completely undercuts both this arc and the severity of Zuko’s choice to side with Azula, making it seem as though it’s not all bad that Zuko betrayed Iroh and Katara because he got to reconnect with the love of his life, when really it was unequivocally the worst mistake Zuko ever made. It adds ambiguity to Zuko’s decision to turn traitor, insinuating that he had to “give up” Mai to do the right thing, when the point was that he didn’t really have to give up anything because he didn’t want any of this any longer, and so it was not a struggle at all. 

Nothing about his time in the Fire Nation was right for him, and both Zuko and the viewer were supposed to realize that, because that is what drives home the impact of Zuko’s wrong decision in the Crossroads of Destiny, and what proves that Zuko has changed for good. Portraying Maiko getting back together as something positive hurts both this narrative and Zuko’s character development as a whole. 

Ultimately, Mai.ko does not work because it is a shallow relationship attempting to force together two fundamentally incompatible people, cheapening and undermining both Zuko and Mai’s characters and arcs. It’s evident that it was not intended to be endgame until extremely late in Book 3, because the set-up, development and progression of this ship is entirely unsalvageable  – and only makes Zuko and Katara’s relationship appear even more perfect in comparison. 

[googleitlol]

AAAAAA This took longer than I wanted, life has been wild. I was planning on showing more of the Yellow-Robe Demon arc but with how long this took I'm just gonna give you guys this instead. Maybe if I ever decide to put this on AO3, I can include more of it but for now, this has been LONG overdue

Dove Masterlist:

Doubles

“There is no way this will end well for us, you know.”

You roll your eyes from behind Zhu Bajie, the pig demon carrying you on his back as he soars over the sparse clouds of the chilled night sky. Everything had been alright after Sun Wukong left– for a little bit, at least. Everything went wrong the minute your friends became involved in a royal debacle between a kingdom and a powerful demon. The demon, called Yellow-Robe, had kidnapped the kingdom’s princess to be his wife. After that princess aided you in rescuing Tripitaka from her monstrous husband, you and your friends agreed to help save her and dispose of her captor.

Unfortunately, things had gotten out of hand the minute Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing left to defeat him. Wujing was captured instead, and to make it worse, Yellow-Robe tricked the king and his court into thinking Tripitaka was a beast. You and Ao Lie had nearly defeated him, but you alone were not enough. With enough berating, you managed to convince Pigsy that the only course of action now was turning to the only disciple Yellow-Robe had yet to meet. You only hope he will go back with you.

“There is none that monkey hates more than the two of us.” Bajie persisted, and you roll your eyes at his pessimism.

“Will you cease your whining? I am sure Sun Wukong will understand and agree to return with us.” You try your best to reassure him, though your belief in your own words is shaky at best.

The demon huffs. “And if he doesn’t?” You frown, your companion voicing the concern that’s been picking at you skin since you started flying to the Monkey King’s mountain. What if he refuses to help? With how his involvement in the journey ended, you’re not sure what it might take to convince him to come back.

“…He will.” He has to.

It’s difficult to see much once you reach Flower-Fruit. With the cloak of darkness, you’re not sure where to begin your search. After a second, you’re able to land by and begin the trek uphill. While he was still with you, the Great Sage often mentioned his home.

All you had to do now was find it. “He said the entrance was behind a waterfall, didn’t he? If we find running water, we can follow it upstream and hopefully it can lead us to him.”

“Hmm…” You turn when you hear Pigsy’s voice a little ways behind. “Perhaps we can cover more ground if we split up?”

His smile makes it clear that he isn’t digesting the tired look you give him. He isn’t fooling you with this proposal, no matter what reasoning he conjures to justify it. You know he will likely wander off somewhere and leave you to do all the talking, he’s too afraid of Sun Wukong to confront him head on. Maybe he’ll find a cosy little space tucked away somewhere to doze off.

In all honesty, you would rather Bajie not be around to accidentally set off the Monkey King with his nonsensical ramblings. It also didn’t help that you had to listen to him all night during the flight here, and you feel completely done with the demon at this point. “Fine.” At your agreement, the pig perks up. You gesture over in one direction. “I will go this way, you go the opposite. If you find him before I do, try not to give him any more reasons to be spiteful.” You warn.

“You think so low of me, I have a silver tongue!” He argues, to which you can’t help but chuckle.

“I would say you were right, but I’d rather not waste my breath lying.” You sigh, making the pig demon look back at you in surprise.

He gives a shout as you begin walking away. “Hey!” His clear irritation makes you snicker. He played a big hand in his master banishing Wukong, so some light teasing was the least of the punishments he could receive.

You don’t acknowledge the pig any further, instead moving deeper into the mountain. Crickets sing their songs in the safety of shadows as you move, the croaks of hidden frogs overlap one another. Even with the veil of night blanketing the mountain, you can see the beauty of the landscape before you. Several of the trees you pass are ripe with fruit, bushes are peppered with bundles of berries, and in some areas you have to shift into a dove to get through the dense greenery.

It’s only when you hear running water that you perch on a low-hanging branch. You take a moment to listen for where the sound may be coming from before following it. It takes you only a few seconds to fly your way over, transforming back once you see the stream of water running downhill. 

The moment you do, something lets out a startled noise from the opposite side of the water. Squinting, you notice a flash of brown behind the trunk of a tree. Is it an animal?

It peeks out from behind the trunk, the curious eyes of a young monkey following your every move. You subconsciously smile at the timid creature. “Hello, there.” You greet, but the monkey remains still as a statue. After a few moments of being subjected to its little stare-down, you tear your gaze away and spot a mango tree on your side of the stream. You take a fruit before holding it out to the monkey. “You don’t have to be scared.”

The little monkey looks between you and the offering before disappearing behind the tree again. Then, ever so cautiously, the monkey emerges on the ground behind the tree. The creature takes a few careful steps closer, reaching the edge of the stream. Now closer, you can see some scarring on the side of the monkey’s faze, by her ear. She manages to hop across the water, undeterred despite how she was missing a large portion of her left arm.

You frown for a moment as she approaches, kneeling down to greet her. Taking out a small dagger, you cut the mango in half, offering it to her. “Here you go, take it.” Part of you understands her skittish nature now, as she quickly grabs the half and runs back to keep her distance. You wonder what could have happened to give the poor monkey those wounds.

With the monkey still watching, you sit on the ground and take a bite of your half of the mango, the little simian watching as you do. After another bite, she slowly approaches again. It takes a little time, but eventually, she’s at your feet again.

“You are a brave one, aren’t you?” You smile, offering your hand to the young monkey. Her head tilts with curiosity, and she puts the mango back in your hand, making you laugh. “No, that’s yours.” You hand it back to her and give her head a slow pet.

She chitters at that, and in a flash she’s climbing up your arm and onto your shoulder, holding her mango in her mouth to get up. The picture of the little monkey right in your face with mango hanging from her mouth makes you giggle. She starts to eat with you, her tail wrapping around to the other side of your neck for support. You tend not to see many other monkeys on your travels, and the glimpses of the ones you do see in the treetops rarely approach like this little one. She seems much too young to be on her own, though. Could she have a mother nearby?

As if to answer your silent inquiry, you start to hear more chattering in the treetops. A gasp escapes you the moment you look up from the sheer number of curious eyes looking down at you. More monkeys begin to show from the trees, sharing little hoots and hollers between themselves before a small portion of them move to meet you as well. Some smaller ones that try to follow are dragged back, supposedly by their mothers, while the others hop across the stream.

“Wow, there’s quite a few of you, huh?” Were they all hiding before? The few that approach you tilt their heads, their seemingly synchronised curiosity makes you smile. One brave soul hops onto your lap, snatching your half of the mango from your hands and biting into it himself. “Hey!”

The first monkey on your shoulder gives a little shout, and the newcomer chitters back some sort of argument before continuing to eat the stolen fruit. “Count yourself lucky that I think you’re cute.” You mumble with a smile, resting your hand on the monkey’s head to give the thief a little scratch. The monkey begins to lean into your hand as you coat him with affection. “I don’t suppose any of you could lead me to the Water-Curtain Cave? I need to find some simian royalty.”

Unsurprisingly, none of them answer. In fact, many of them start to retreat back into the shadows. In just seconds, the only ones still there are the two on your shoulder and lap. A twig snaps from behind and you whip your head back to find the source of the noise. Is someone else here? Could it be–

The monkey in your laps hops away, shouting as you jump to your feet. The one on your shoulder climbs down to face the newcomer as your face contorts in confusion.. “What the…” Your words trail into nonexistence, confusion stopping them before you can speak. A stranger standing as still as a portrait, their eyes stare into you, their expression as concerned as you feel. But how else can you feel, when you’re staring at yourself?

Everything from facial features to clothing, she looks like an exact copy of you. There’s barely any time to process the lookalike before she turns to run deeper into the trees. “Hey, wait!” You call out, giving chase to the new you. Leaving the monkeys, you chase your copy past trees and around bushes, jumping over exposed roots and ducking under low-hanging branches.

No matter how fast you go, you can’t seem to catch up to her, though she never seems to make out of your sight. The second you shift into a dove, and you follow suit, taking flight and manoeuvring between leaves and branches. She makes a few tight turns that you’re able to follow, right until following her into a small clearing where she vanishes completely.

Now, more confused than before, you perch on a tree to scope out the area for any trace of her. What was that? It looked just like you… could have been an illusion? Or maybe a trick of the eye, a hallucination? What else could explain a second you? In all your life, you have never seen something so… odd. These past days have been stressful to say the least. Even before the stress of Tripitaka being captured, your life has been nothing short of chaotic since this journey began. Perhaps now it is starting to take its toll on you. Part of you had been wondering how long it would take for you to snap. Maybe this is it.

Before you can ponder any longer, you’re tackled out of the tree from behind. A small noise of surprise escapes you as you’re forced to meet the ground, hands keeping your small form stuck beneath them. You transform back to your original state but your assailant is ready for the change, grabbing hold of your arms and keeping you pinned to the ground. You try to push back but whoever this might be is strong, supernaturally-so. "So, you're looking for the Monkey King?"

The stranger chuckles as you pause, attaining your focus. "Why waste your time with him?" The weight keeping you down lightens, and you're able to get back to your feet.

Standing, you're now able to see your would-be attacker. It's another monkey demon, his build similar to the one you were looking for, maybe a bit leaner. His hair is black, eyes an unnatural violet. His arms stay close to his chest, crossed, with a lazy smirk stretched over his face.

Though, what catches your attention the most are his three sets of ears.

You don’t let the oddity throw you off guard. “Who are you?”

“Someone who can help.” He shrugs casually, one arm dropping to rest at his side while he holds his other out to you. “That is, if you’re willing to give me a chance.”

You eye the gesture with suspicion. “Do you expect me to believe that? You just knocked me out of a tree.” You scoff, though it only seems to amuse the stranger.

“I ask that you pardon my actions, I meant no offence. I could not pass up the opportunity, you were just sitting there…” He trails off for a moment before chuckling, almost sheepishly. “Sometimes my impulses override my judgement.”

He moves around you as he speaks, circling. You follow his movements, refusing to turn your back on this demon. “I doubt you want to waste time debating my actions. Your friend might only have so much time.” His words make you frown. “How long do you think that poor monk has before that king decides to kill that evil ‘tiger’, hmm?”

“How do you–?”

“Maybe the Yellow-Robe Demon will find where they’re keeping him and eat the Golden Cicada before the humans have a chance to do anything themselves?” He ponders with a small grin, stopping to watch your face contort in surprise. “I know a lot more than you think, Dove.”

You take a moment to stop yourself from snapping back with harsh words. It's obvious that he seems to be looking for such a reaction. “Then do you know where Sun Wukong is?” You ask, and one of his six ears twitches at the question.

“I do.” He replies, his expression never shifting from this smug look as he takes a step closer. You refuse to move back, and notice that aside from the differences you’ve already picked at, this monkey demon also stands a bit taller than the Monkey King.

He stares down at you for a bit, his eyes drifting over each of your features. You almost want to squirm under the intense gaze, uncomfortable. “Well?”

Your voice seems to snap him out of whatever was making his mind drift, and a chuckle rumbles from his chest. “I apologise, you might say I am in awe at the moment. I have heard about you and your pilgrim friends, however, being with you here feels different than what I expected it to be. I suppose hearing about a person is different than seeing them yourself.” Has Sun Wukong spoken about you and the others? It would not surprise you to hear if he had complained about the whole ordeal to his subjects, they must have all been curious as to what happened to their monarch.

“I have heard that you are quite cunning,” He continues, Leaning down a bit to whisper as if it were a secret, “tricking the Monkey King into wearing that circlet? I thought that was an admirable feat.”

You step back at that, regaining some space between the two of you. The reminder of your previous actions makes your skin crawl. “I’m sorry to cut your admiration short, but like you said, I do need to hurry. If you do not intend on helping me, I will be leaving to find Wukong myself.”

Stepping to the side, you move past the demon to continue your search. However, after just a few steps, the monkey is at your side again. “You should know, Sun Wukong is not the only one that can help you.” He smiles, and you roll your eyes.

A scoff slips through your lips. “Oh, really?”

“I have quite a handful of abilities, well-suited for your needs.” He continues. “I can take on that demon with as much ease as the Monkey King, save that Tang monk of yours– not to mention I can be much more well-mannered than the Great Sage.” You can’t help but let out a quiet laugh at that. Did Sun Wukong let all his subjects speak about him like this?

You glance over to the monkey with a smirk of your own. “Your words are sweet, but I would be a fool to take the word of a stranger who attacked me upon meeting. I would rather take my chances with the monkey I know than one I am unfamiliar with.”

The six-eared demon is silent for a few moments, and when you look over to him, you can’t seem to decipher his neutral expression. However, it does not take long for him to regain his grin and shrug. “It is hard to argue with that. It’s wise to choose what you know over what you do not.” He stops walking, his head shaking seemingly in disappointment. “Though, I should mention, your monkey is in the other direction.”

Seriously? You bite back a groan, though the tired look on your face is enough to get a laugh out of your tagalong. “I can take you to him, though he may not agree to go with you.” He voices what you already know. You might have come out here only to be sent away, this trip might all be for nothing. What, then?

“If you would rather not risk it, you have another demon at your disposal here. Just ask, and we can grab that pig demon you brought with you and go.” He offers, and you frown. Why does this stranger seem so insistent on joining the pilgrimage? Everything about this demon, it all felt off. Wrong.

Even if nothing was wrong with this demon, it would not change your answer. The possibility of Sun Wukong refusing to come back may be great, but that doesn’t mean it can stop you from trying. “With all due respect, Sun Wukong was chosen for this pilgrimage. He is the one I have come for.” You step closer to the demon with a smile. “So, please, lead the way.”

The demon scoffs a bit, his clear chagrin quickly wilting into a smirk before he shakes his head. “…It is difficult to feel disappointed with that precious aura of yours.” He leans down at you, a little too close for comfort. “You’re quite a treasure with that ‘gift’ as you call it.”

He stays like that for a moment, his eyes narrowed in seeming-amusement. It feels as though he’s watching for some sort of reaction, some sort of crack to your resolve. You refuse to show any, and with a grunt, he turns back and calls over his shoulder. “I am glad to be of service! Allow me to show you to our Monkey Majesty.” You roll your eyes at the nickname before following the six-eared monkey.

The two of you travel for some time in silence, so long that the dark sky starts to lighten just slightly. Part of you wonders if this is all some convoluted trap, but you eventually dismiss the idea. He already had his opportunity to do something if that was really his goal. From initial contact, it’s clear that any sort of fight on your own would weigh well in his favour, and with just the two of you, there’s nobody that would ever know what happened. It doesn’t mean you trust him, you still need to be cautious, but at the moment it seems as though he is keeping to his word.

Maybe he thinks helping you will convince you to accept him on the journey, which you still feel confused over. Perhaps he thinks it could be a way of getting close to Tripitaka and taking him for himself? Your thoughts are put on hold as he calls out over his shoulder. “Tell me, beautiful, why are you so intent on bringing back Sun Wukong?”

“It sounds to me like you already know the answer,” You do your best to pretend you didn’t hear the nickname, “we have to save Tripitaka.”

He pushes out a breath of air. “Sure, but you have others you can rely on for that.” One ear twitches slightly, and he turns to continue being your guide. “That Bodhisattva of yours would do anything for the little girl she found in that burnt-down house, why not go to her?”

His words make you pause, your eyes betraying your previously-composed expression with your surprise. You never mentioned how your master found you. None of the other pilgrims knew, not Wujing, not Tripitaka, and definitely not Sun Wukong. How could he know? “Who told you–?” “Like I said, I’ve heard a lot about you and your friends.” Even without seeing his face, you can hear his smirk, and it sends a shiver down your back. He knows so much about you, and he’s just carelessly throwing this information around in idle conversation! What else does he know? You continue to follow him and whether he cares for your concerns over his knowledge or not, he doesn’t show it. “But that’s beside the point. Why come looking for this demon for help out of all the people you know?” He asks again, ducking under a low-hanging branch.

“Don’t you loathe him?” He digs, and you glance away, gaze drilling into the ground in front of you as you follow. You would not say you loathe the Monkey King, he was actually becoming a little more bearable before his banishment. “Your journey has been so much quieter without him there.”

“Why do you care?” You frown, looking back up to face the monkey demon.

He looks back at you with eyelids dropped in an almost bored look. “I like to be entertained, especially by the hijinks of my…” He glances to the side, “…beloved king. I speak for many of my brothers when I say we were troubled by his disappearance.”

He pauses before meeting your eyes again with a twinkle in his eye that screams mischief in the same look you have seen from Sun Wukong so many times. “Luckily, you and your merry band of pilgrims are exactly the excitement I have been missing in my life. But enough about me, you’re avoiding the question.” He smirks, and you stop yourself from grumbling. “You do that a lot, huh?”

He’s right, though you would have rathered he just kept rambling on and forgot about how the conversation started entirely. Mostly because you have an idea of the answer he’s looking for, though you’re not entirely sure it was true. Even if it is, you would never admit it out loud. “I told you before, he was chosen for this journey. He never should have been sent away in the first place.” You frown to yourself, unable to help but relive the events in your mind, how terrible of a disbandment it really was.

Despite your own feelings, the demon laughs. “I see.” You watch him in confusion as he continues guiding, seemingly dropping the conversation entirely as he approaches a larger bush.

“See what?” He doesn’t respond, instead parting some of the leaves and leaning closer to the shrubbery.

He chuckles a bit under his breath, voice now a whisper. “Your friend seems to have already found Sun Wukong.”

“What?!” You race to his side, peering through the opening he holds open to see none other than Zhu Bajie sitting with Sun Wukong on a large stone. Are they just lounging about?! “That little– ugh!” Has he even told Wukong about Tripitaka and Wujing?

Before you’re able to jump out and confront the two, you pause upon taking in another look at Sun Wukong. He is laughing hard at whatever the two are discussing, in seemingly much better spirits than when you went your separate ways. You’re unsure if you have seen him like this before, or perhaps you’ve been so caught up in your vendetta against the King, you never cared to pay attention to his well-being.

You’re so caught up in the difference in Wukong’s demeanour, that you find yourself caught off guard again when your guide clears his throat. Only when you look up to give him your attention do you realise how close you are, just inches apart to share the space and look through his little window. “Oh, sorry.” You just catch the demon’s small smile before you step away. It’s been a long night, and you’re beyond tired after dealing with this entire situation.

Speaking of, you create your own space to spy through the bush, annoyed by the sight of the two brothers chatting like they were old friends catching up with all the time in the world. If it was not for Ao Lie being injured, you never would have dragged Pigsy here. You have to admit, though, Bajie really must have been telling the truth about that silver tongue of his, otherwise you would think that Wukong would have the pig roasting over a fire by now.

With a sigh, you mentally prepare yourself for confronting the two. “At least this saves me the time of finding a lost Pigsy somewhere else on the mountain. Thank you for the help– huh, I guess I never actually asked for your…” You turn back to your guide, only to find where he previously stood now vacant. “…name.”

A chuckle comes from behind, but when you turn in its direction you only see the whir of a figure, a shadow amidst the trees. You try to scan the area for a trace of the demon, but he is nowhere to be seen.

That was… you aren’t entirely sure what that was.

As creepy as it was, you have no time to ponder it, not when Tripitaka is still waiting for you. You come out from behind the bush, quickly moving to meet the two disciples. “Sun Wukong!” You call out, and the two turn to see you steadily approaching. Pigsy’s eyes widen and he lets out a nervous chuckle while the Monkey King– surprisingly– smiles.

“Dove?” He looks a little surprised, though seeing you doesn’t seem to put a damper on his mood. This is a good start. The monkey slides off the stone they were resting on, to stand and greet you. “Brother, how could you forget to mention you brought along a little birdie to visit me?” 

You rest a hand on your hip as the pig looks frantically between the two of you. ‘Haha… We, um, got separated when we arrived.” He laughs nervously, making you roll your eyes.

“Spare him your lies, Bajie.” You glare at your companion before looking back to the Great Sage. “Sun Wukong, we have come to ask that you return with us to help Tripitaka.”

He laughs softly, side eyeing Pigsy as understanding dawns over him. “Oh, I see.” The pig shrinks beneath his glare before the Monkey King turns his attention back to you. “You want me to return? For what? So Master can give me another head-splitting migraine?” Your frown lessens at the mention of the circlet, and he continues with a chuckle before you can retort.

“You two are fortunate I am in such a gracious mood. Come share some wine with me back in Water-Curtain Cave, then I can send you off together. Wujing must be having a difficult enough time on his own, dealing with demons.” The King shrugs. “Or maybe they’re all sharing a bowl of rice and maggots together, who knows?”

Did Bajie not tell him anything?! “This is not some joke! Tripitaka needs you–”

“Really?” He interrupts you, crossing his arms as he gets closer. “Because he made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t.”

You start to feel annoyance pricking at your skin. You remembered how stubborn he is, but it is still frustrating to deal with.“This is serious, Wukong.”

“So am I.” He stops in front of you, his amused smirk now gone. “Besides, I thought you hated having me around. What are all those things you’ve called me again? Impudent, brazen, callous? I thought your misery was made all the worse the day I entered your life.” You cringe as he uses your own words against you. That is what you called him, what you told him.

You are unable to meet his eyes, looking away in shame. “I am sorry if my words have offended you in the past, but we do not have the time to–”

“Ah, I did not say you could speak.” Your head whips back to face him as he cuts you off, your guilt quickly being overshadowed by irritation. He cannot be serious.

“Excuse me?!” You glare at the Great Sage, who only grins at your reaction. “You do not tell me what I can and cannot do!”

“Yeah, I do here. Or did you forget?” He scoffs playfully, clearly amused before leaning closer “I’m King, Dove. It would do you well to remember that.” His grin stretches out even more as he speaks, his eyes egging you on.

Your glare sharpens as you attempt to reign your anger in. As much as you might like to bite back at his oh-so-cocky words, that isn’t what you’re here for. Saying anything to make him angry will only ensure that he does not return with you, and this entire trip will have been a waste.

When he sees that you have no retort, he lets out a small but content huff and turns back to Pigsy. “Thank you for coming all this way, Brother, but maybe you should take this one back to Master, hmm?” He walks back to the pig demon, gesturing back to you. “I hate to see her feathers get all ruffled like this.”

He snickers at his own joke as he walks past his brother, the pig going to speak but unable to say anything. You start racking your brain for what to say to make him stay, he is obviously in no mood to listen to either of you, but what can make him stop? What can you say to get him to…

Your mind goes back to that day in the orchard, just before that bone demon. All his questions you shut down, avoided. That stranger was right, unfortunately, you do that a lot. Just as Sun Wukong is about to disappear into the trees, you sigh. If this is what it takes to get that nosey ape to listen, then so be it.

“The reason I don’t eat peaches…” You say loudly, making the monkey pause. “…I was embarrassed to say it, because I know how petty it sounds. I… I don’t eat them because of you.”

Pigsy looks between the two of you, a little confused, but Sun Wukong did stop. His back is turned to the both of you, but you see his ears perk up ever-so slightly. You take it as a sign to keep going and walk closer. “I was there for the peach festival. Guan Yin planned to give me a peach of immortality, so I would live long enough to see this journey through.” You hold your arms close to your chest, smiling a bit at the memory.

“I had never felt so happy before. I think, in my mind…” You look down at your arms as you think of how to phrase what was in your mind. “I thought it was her way of saying I was worthy. That I had earned an eternity at her side once the pilgrimage was over, caring for others the way she had taken care of me.

“And when we arrived, you had already taken everything.” Your smile fades as you look back up to Sun Wukong. His head is turned slightly in your direction, though you can’t see his face. “The peaches, the wine, Laozi’s elixir! You took every and all methods we had! I was in the jade palace because without immortality, it was my master’s solution for living until the time came to accompany the Tang monk. I only was ever allowed to leave so I could say goodbye to my friends on their deathbeds. I spent everyday there waiting for when I could begin the journey and guide Tripitaka to the west so I can prove myself and I cannot even do that anymore because the monk was locked away by a king after this demon transformed him into a tiger and–”

“WHAT?!” You barely have time to blink before the Great Sage is in your face, his hands holding your arms in a tight grip. “Why didn’t you lead with that?!”

“It’s all I’ve been trying to get through your thick skull since we’ve been here! I told you Tripitaka needs your help!” You argue, recovering from the whiplash of how quickly he appeared in front of you.

His eyes widen a bit as you speak, his nose scrunching up as his hold tightens, almost hurting. You don’t even have the time to complain before he shakes his head and looks back at Zhu Bajie with a grave glare. “You. Follow me.”

“Yes.” He squeaks, nodding quickly while his brother looks back at you.

Before you can ask him to let go, the demon throws you over his shoulder. “What are you– put me down, Wukong!”

“What, do you want to walk up the mountain?” He snaps sarcastically before jumping up into the sky. Pigsy follows after, and in seconds the three of you approach a wooden bridge leading into a waterfall. 

The bridge leads through a parting in the water, and only once the three of you are in the cave behind the falls does Sun Wukong set you down. You start to smooth out your sleeves from where he had been holding your arms previously as two monkey demons greet you all at the entrance of the cave. Now on the inside, you see how much larger the cave really is. A sheet iron bridge arches over running water, leading to a grand stone palace. Moss and flowers gave colour to the area, several trees sprouted from the ground, their leaves touched by the morning’s light that seeps in through cracks and larger openings from above. Over the entrance to the stone palace is a banner proclaiming, ‘The Flower-Fruit Mountain Rebuilt, the Water-Curtain Cave Restored – The Great Sage, Equal to Heaven’.

“Draw me a bath, quickly.” Sun Wukong addresses one of the monkeys, who quickly runs off to follow his orders.

Pigsy frowns with a befuddled look. “Seriously, a bath right now?”

“Master likes cleanliness.” Wukong is quick to reply. “I would like to clean up quickly before I see him again.” He admits, albeit quietly.

His words immediately catch your attention. Does this mean… “You’re coming back?”

The demon gives you a look you cannot fully digest, conflicted between concern and a simmering anger. Eventually, he sighs and looks back at Pigsy. “You two seem so desperate to have me return, and if Master is in trouble, of course I will help. I will need to talk with some of my generals before I go. The last time I left without a word, there were some… troubles that my people encountered.”

He glances at you again, his frown deepening. Before you can ask what might be wrong, he addresses the remaining monkey demon. “Take my brother to get some food while he waits, and have a bath drawn for her as well. She stinks.”

“Excuse me?! Have you smelt Pigsy?” “Hey!” The pig demon barely has a moment to retort before he’s guided away into the stone palace.

Now alone, Wukong takes your arm in his hand again. “Dove, what did he do?”

“What?” You frown, now feeling completely lost from the whiplash of everything that has happened in the last minute.

“That coward, his stench is like a blanket over you.” He explains, as if it would help you to understand what he might be talking about.

Could he be talking about that stranger? “The six-eared demon?” “Yes!” He puts energy into the word that makes you take a half-step back. “What did he do?”

“He guided me to you and Pigsy, why?” You frown, feeling your stomach become unsettled from his tone.

Wukong’s eyes feel as though they could burn into your head, you feel as though you can see his mind racing, but whatever he’s thinking remains a mystery to you. “…I can have someone show you where to go, we can talk more after we leave.” He lets go, walking past you towards the iron bridge. “And, Dove?”

“Yes?”

“I–” He cuts himself off, glancing back at you with a troubled look before turning back. “I’ll be back.”

[sorrel-minis]

I didn't post this here for some reason lol

So

Back to that "What if G2 had its own cartoon?" Thing

This is G2.5, a pocket dimension with very few relations to the generations before it (save G2), and none to those before it. No references to the next generations.

Was influenced by Vintage Valentine's Day cards and Savannah Alexandra's art for this. In this universe perfume puff ponies make a return (I think Morning Glory and Ivy would be perfume puffs).

I imagine it would be kinda formulaic? They battle monsters (plant monsters, the smooze, etc). Next episode they get closer to the source of a problem (a pony plagued by negativity. Things like pessimism, toxic positivity, etc) that's manifesting in some environmentally damaging way. That pony gets free and either gives them a new form or accompanies them on their journey. Finally you get a pony in some kind of evil form. They either retreat or change their ways or something like that. If the previous episode didn't have our protags getting the new form then, it happens after a big bad boss battle.

There is one other G1 char who makes return. Can't wait to show you them!

[adahlenan]

{ BASICS }

Name: Lev Dagnyr Nicknames: He doesn't have any and he's perfectly fine with that! Age: 26 Nameday: 18th Sun, Third Astral Moon Race: Veena Viera Gender: Agender (he/him exclusively) Orientation: ??? but actively trying to avoid falling in love Profession: Warrior of Light

{ PHYSICAL ASPECTS }

Hair: Mousy brown Eyes: Light blue-grey Skin: Fair Tattoos/scars: Myriad collection of scars gathered over the years of combat, all part of being the Warrior of Light.

{ FAMILY }

Parents: Lev's mother died in childbirth due to complications, but he was raised by a hyuran couple - Arabella and Daniel Holt. His name is his only memory of his mother, but he loves his adoptive parents as his own flesh and blood. Siblings: None, though he can't help but think of the Leveilleur twins as younger siblings. Quietly. Grandparents: N/A In-laws and Other: After spending the events of Heavensward with the Fortemps family, he considers them a secondary family, ensuring he visits when there's a lull in the action. Lev also considers Meteion in an odd place between a younger sister and a dear, dear friend. Regardless, he holds space in his heart for her always, until he sees her again. Pets: None. He doesn't want the responsibility and he doesn't stay in one place long enough to create a home for a pet.

{ SKILLS }

Abilities: Fletching, archery, basic conjury (ever improving through hard work), literacy. Hobbies: Fishing, visiting market spaces, journaling. Not much time for hobbies when you're busy saving the world.

{ TRAITS }

Most Positive Trait: His empathy. Lev can be hard to read, doubly so if you expect to typical Viera mannerisms from him. But beneath his guarded exterior is a warm soul with an overflowing amount of compassion. Whenever he can, he tries to interact with the locals to help ease their worries and provide a little spot of hope in dark times simply by nature of being the WoL. Most Negative Trait: His pessimism. Lev has grown emotionally stronger over the years, but his greatest weakness is becoming overwhelmed by the situation and sliding into a depression. He feels like a child with the world on his shoulders - and in many ways he is, seeing how young he is for a Viera. It's still an active fight to not lose hope and give up in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, but with the Scions at his side he has an easier time holding himself together.

{ LIKES }

Colours: Deep blue, forest greens, earthy browns. Smells: The forests of the Shroud, petrichor, the crispness of mountain air, vanilla, oranges. Textures: The smooth wood of a tree after you remove the bark, soft and well worn leather, breezy linen clothing, the clean edges of feather on an arrow. Drinks: Water, fresh cider or juice, Ishgardian milk tea.

{ OTHER DETAILS }

Smokes: N/A Drinks: At most twice a year, and only after being coaxed into it on occasions. Drugs: N/A Mount Issuance: The only mount he owns is the black chocobo given to him by Haurchefaunt all those years ago. It stays by his side, a reminder of a friendship that changed the course of his life. Been Arrested: I mean. You don't get a few charges of regicide without being

{ Tagged by: @thefrostflower teehee }

/playdead

[oinkinpigprince]

Angel!Pim x Demon!Charlie + they’re kinda like starcrossed lovers

Ik im like, a narrator for Romeo and juilet and all but I don’t actually know what star crossed lovers are. Okay now I know! :o))

Angel Pim x Demon Charlie

Angst w/ happy(?) ending

Pim and Charlie had been working together for years to help humans. Bettering people’s lives. It was almost fate the two met

Pim was a heaven born angel and Charlie was a mortal who got very lucky in the lottery. The two work together, Charlie to help pay his Sin tax and Pim just loves seeing people happy

Charlie was the one who caught feelings first, it snuck up on him. Quietly softly, Pim was one of the most gentle touch people he’s met. Every time Pim told Charlie it would be okay, he wanted to believe the angel

Pim helped Charlie in the after life, he may not be able to travel to hell that didn’t mean he didn’t help Charlie on missions. Charlie learnt every trick from Pim, including how to use his rather fumpy wings

No one ever helped Charlie and he had to learn everything on his own. He got so use to being alone Charlie forgot what it was like to hold someone’s hand through something new. Pim didn’t mind, he just didn’t understand.

It was comforting to know even though he was a literal demon, Pim would still lend a helping hand. His reality sometimes bordered on pessimism and Pim reminds him that some times things will be fine, and he’s doing fine. Even if he fucked up in life he can be saved

It took a while but when Charlie realized it, it hit him like a fucking train. It was soul crushing, to Charlie. It was after a job that the feelings hit him finally and it hurt just like it.

Unwavering optimism gets grounded in reality. Although Pim knows humans suffer, like duh that’s why he’s helping them. He has no idea what it actually feels like and what it does to people

He has a naive sense of justice, you should NEVER steal, you NEVER break the law, and if you do good things you’ll be rewarded. But Charlie teaches Pim that isn’t how it works, the world isn’t black and white and what people say is right is sometimes horribly wrong

That’s how Pim learned what human pain was, what suffering and death really meant. Charlie explained the feeling of grief, shame, and rejection and Pim could almost feel it. It was right within the grasp which is more than any angel could feel

Pim naturally loved Charlie, he loved everyone. Giving all of the other angels and demons he came across kisses and hugs Pim never noticed how Charlie panicked when Pim gave him a peck on the cheek

He’d come to him with any questions about the human world, what certain emotions felt like. What made sadness special? Charlie wasn’t the best at describing some emotions but it never mattered to Pim, he just loved hearing Charlie talk

Pim realized fast that he loved Charlie, it was so matter of fact too. Like it was only natural he’d feel this way, he wasn’t use to human love and never one for a demon. He was excited to ask Charlie about it but, he never got the chance

It wasn’t like Pim to feel, scared. Nervous, he barely knew the word. It hurt seeing Charlie sometimes, it frightened Pim. He’d swallow spit and bite his tongue, he was too nervous to ask Charlie

Demon and angel relationship were the hardest thing to maintain, satan had ban demons from entering relationships with angels out of jealousy and anger. Pim knew it and now he understood what Charlie meant by, star crossed. It, hurt

Pim could finally understand the feeling of rejection from someone you loved and by his god it fucking hurt. He felt his throat sting choking down salty tears watching Charlie flutter around with his beautiful orange wings, it made him light headed.

Seeing something he wanted just within reach, and yet it wasn’t like Charlie left him. He was right there but that was the problem. He wanted to experience the beauty of human love but god dammit before he could have it, it was taken from him

He didn’t know how to deal with these intense emotions, he couldn’t ask Charlie anymore cause how could he explain himself and he didn’t know any other human made. Pim felt, alone.

When Charlie asked Pim about relationships in heaven and hell and, maybe if a an angel could have relationships with demons, Pim froze. Trying to explain it the best he could, and then the two went silent. Try to figure out if the other one fully knew, they stared into the other’s eyes.

Charlie felt silly for asking, of course it would never work. He felt like a fool but Pim made it simple enough. He tried hard to snuff out the feelings.

Pim was scared and yet there was light, unwavering optimism, with hope and yearning he tried to think of a way around it. Maybe they could talk to the devil, make him reconsider the ban. Reality hit him hard when Charlie sighed

“Maybe in another life, dude.” Charlie began to decent to hell when Pim grabbed his sweater “C-Charlie wait,” he paused nervous and unsure of himself all of a sudden “I, I’ll wait for you to make it into heaven. I promise.” Pim muttered out, hopeful. Charlie grabbed pims hand, curiously “don’t wait up”

[thedreadvampy]

I have always coped with the perpetual finity of things b using this one simple method

you carefully calculate what you think is the least you could have. the least money you could live on, the least affection you might reasonably be entitled to, the least times you could get away with asserting yourself, the longest it could possibly take you to catch your train, the least take home pay a job might give you, the least space you will have left in your house if you buy that bookcase, the least amount you're likely to have to spend after paying all your bills.

so you find your floor, right?

and then, and here's the ~clever~ bit, you treat it as your ceiling.

For Example. if I count all my bills at the highest they can get (and I round them up for safety), and my take-home is the lowest it could be, and I plan to save £50 in the Emergency Savings, and I subtract another £100 to make sure there's a bit of wiggle room. then let's say I have £500 left.

Now I flip that around and say "ok. £500 is the most I can ever spend freely in a month, so that's my ceiling and I need to make sure I stay well clear of that, because if I hit that I have Nothing."

And if I reach the end of the month and £500 wasn't enough and i spent like £600, disaster! I have failed! Success would mean never hitting that ceiling of £500, and always finishing the month with plenty of room between me and that ceiling.

which, eagle eyed viewers may have noticed, started out being calculated as a floor.

I have done this very consciously in all areas of my life since I was very young. I used to call it "optimistic pessimism" - if you plan for the worst, everything better than that is a nice surprise! My life is full of nice surprises like I Can Afford Fripperies and Sometimes When You Ask People For Things You Don't Need They Say Yes!

anyway it has been pointed out to me today that perhaps. maybe. this attitude that 'success is where you find the least you could concievably have and then try to succeed with as much less than that as possible' might. just possibly. lead to some quite unreasonable baselines for failure.

[viktheviking1]

“I’m so f**king excited for this, Loony! Our first Daddy-Daughter date in ages and it’s at a horse race! You’re finally gonna see how sick they are and we can bond over being horse girls together!” Blitz was barely containing himself as he crossed 6 lanes of traffic on the freeway.

“Yeah, whatever. So, long as you give me the $50 at the end of this, like you said you would.” Loona lazily scrolled through Sinstagram on her phone, used to all the jerkiness of Blitz’s driving, “It is a little weird though. I’m not seeing anything about this event online. And wouldn’t an event like this more likely take place in the wrath ring? Why would it be happening in Pride?”

“Now, Sweetie, it’s not very nice to stereotype people like that. There are  horse lovers all over hell. And so what if they don’t have any social media accounts, a website, or even an email address? Youth nowadays clearly just doesn’t understand the classiness of a good letter.” Blitz swerved off the freeway.

“. . . wait, what?” Loona said, suspiciously. She had assumed he had found out about this online and she just wasn’t seeing it, or maybe a billboard or something. It wasn’t uncommon for them to get horse related junkmail, though, so she shrugged it off.

Fewer and fewer cars were around as they got closer to their destination. Blitz threw the car into a parking spot, taking up 2 spaces. They got out of the van to see a big convention center building, totally abandoned of people. No other cars were in the parking lot, and no other people were around save for one guy in a hoodie by the front door. 

“Wow, we’re the first people here!” Blitz said as he marched towards the hooded figure with the biggest grin on his face.

“Shouldn’t there be, I don’t know, at least a sign about the horse race here? And the building looks like it’s a hang out for local drug addicts. Half the windows are boarded up!” Loona was starting to get more and more unsettled by this whole thing.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear your pessimism over the sound of your soon to be equine related delight!” Blitz was happily in his own world. 

“Two tickets, my fellow horse enthusiast.” Blitz said, and began handing the hoodie guy a thick wad of cash.

Loona stopped him, by putting a hand on his shoulder, “Wait, Blitz. How much were the tickets?

“I will spare no expense for the opportunity to bond with my daughter over our soon to be mutual love of horses!” The guy accepted the cash, as Blitz placed his hands on his hips.

The hoodie guy’s face was in shadow and their hands were in gloves, completely hiding themselves. They were counting the money in their hands, when they felt the glare of a tall hellhound piercing daggers into them, “Uhh- student tickets are half off?” came a gravelly voice as they handed back some of the bills.

Blitz, unaware of the glare from behind him, “Yep! She’s a student. Totally a student in school, studying scholarly things at a totally real place. Have a nice day!”

Blitz grabbed Loona’s hand and skittered inside, “Haha! We totally scammed that guuuuuyy . . . woah.” Blitz stopped just beyond the threshold as both their mouths fell open, taking in the scene. Rose petals were scattered along the long walk way, muscular imp statues and giant flower pots lining the path. Pink chandeliers hung periodically from the ceiling, causing the room to be bathed in a fuschia light. All were pink save for the one in the center of the room which was three times the size of the others and sparkled silver. Beneath it was a round table, covered in an ornately laced tablecloth. A candelabra sat in the middle, and two cushion seats, their backs shaped like hearts, were across from each other.

“What ambiance! Come on Loony, let’s take our seats!” Blitz happily began marching over to the table.

“Wait, isn’t this, I don’t know, weird for a horse race event. I’ve never been to one, but for one thing we’re indoors, and there’s only one table in the center of the room that looks like it’s a tacky set up for an old married couple’s date night.” She followed behind him.

Loona’s ear twitched as she heard a muffled voice from far away start to shout, “Tacky-?!” She quickly turned in the direction of the sound but only saw a black tinted window, with big bushes on the other side.

“Nonsense! Plenty of horse events happen inside. Usually it’s a indoor horse arena, but I don’t think they have many of those in Pride, so they probably just had to make do. As for the decor, well, they’re obviously just setting the mood for watching muscular mares speed past us, dripping in sweat.” Blitz pulled out the seat for Loona, who sat down, reluctantly.

“Please don’t make this any weirder than it already is. . .” she trailed off as she peered around Blitz’s shoulder to see the bushes outside rustling, unnaturally. And was that a . . . tail sticking out?

“I’m gonna . . . find the bathroom. I won’t be long.” She said as Blitz looked up from the menu that was on the table.

“Oh, okay. But don’t blame me if they start while you're in there.” He went back to cheerily pursuing the short list of options.

Blitz didn’t seem to notice or that Loona went straight back out of the building; way too wrapped up in the prospect of watching horses. Loona heard loud whispering the moment she stepped outside. It sounded like two people arguing over each other, but she didn’t recognize them. She turned the corner and saw a seam down the middle of the now clearly fake enormous bush. Grabbing the seam, she tore the back half off and two people came tumbling out.

Find out who on The Pompous and the Prick:

[medea10]

My Review of The Rising of the Shield Hero: 3rd Season

Seriously, I forgot this was coming back for the fall season. But there was no way I was going to forget that season three was coming. Crunchyroll jumped several guns to not only announce a second season to The Rising of the Shield Hero, but announce a third season in the same breath. This was in 2019. Do you know how long ago 2019 was? What could have caused my blah attitude and pessimism to come up here? Season two happened.

Oh, but Medea, Myne wasn’t involved in season two. How could it be that bad?

Okay, Myne had her bitchy hands all over season one and I loved that season. Season two was rushed to a point where I need ten volumes of the light novel to get the jist of what the fuck just happened. Me not seeing Myne was a treat and if she was involved in season two, my opinion would still stand.

HISTORY: Isekai. Shield. Outcast. Blah, blah, blah! Here’s season one and season two.

SEASON THREE: Shit, the bitch is in the OP theme. I’m going to lose my shizzle on this review, aren’t I?

In the aftermath of the tortoise arc, there’s a glitch that seems to be affecting how Naofumi sees stats and part of his shield. Then, we’ve got the queen relying on Naofumi once more as it seems that the other three heroes are missing in action. Bitch is too. Normally, I would say good riddance on everybody disappearing, I hope they get eaten by a giant chicken. But that’s just my anger popping up again. I have leftover resentment from season one where I just want retribution for Naofumi. I know they’re technically heroes, but they’re shit-heroes. And as for bitch, I hope that she’s not only eaten by a giant chicken and shit out off of a cliff. She must be up to no good knowing her. And then there’s a little something that really grinded Naofumi and Raphtalia’s gears. Demi-humans and slavery!

Yeah, it’s not a modern Isekai without slave-trades.

Naofumi and his team wind up competing in an underground fight club. Save some twin tiger demi-humans. Don’t get too excited, this tournament arc was only the span of 1 or 2 episodes. They do go back to the underground fight club near the end of the season, but it’s not worth mentioning. Naofumi is staying true to saving previously enslaved demi-humans. Meanwhile, we’ve got a phoenix-sized wave about to occur in a couple of months and no one knows where the other heroes are. This season, we get to know more about the other three heroes; Ren, Motoyasu, and Itsuki. Not only what happened to them during the tortoise arc, but before they were sent to this world.

Motoyasu was ditched by his entire team when he couldn’t even make a dent in the tortoise from last season. Itsuki went full-on Judge Claude Frollo. And Ren’s entire team was slaughtered. But a certain someone came in and toyed with each and every one of these boys.

…

AND NOW, MEDEA IS ABOUT TO MAKE NO SENSE: I truly apologize for the raving I am about to unleash.

AAAAAHHHHH! OOGA BOOGA! OOGA BOOGA! ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAWWWWR! KILL THE BITCH! KILL THE BITCH! REN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! YOU SAW THE TRIAL! YOU WERE THERE! YOU SAW HER FIGHT AGAINST THE SLAVE CREST! ITSUKI TOO! WHERE IS THE CREST ON THE BITCH’S CHEST?! WHAT WITCH-FUCKARY SAUCE IS THIS?! SOMEBODY! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

My anger is warranted. In the span of a single episode, Myne claimed infamous status in the anime community as the worst thing since Shou Tucker. Let’s not go too ahead of ourselves. I’d say she’s just between Griffith and Shinji Matou. I’m just glad Motoyasu saw Myne’s true colors (AGAIN) as she lied AGAIN about him raping her. Lying about being raped seems to be her ace in the hole time and again. This woman is worse than tumors on your uterus.

Not even Filo doing an idol performance in the same episode could calm me down. Nice try, anime!

NEW CHARACTERS: Quite a bit more girls added to the roster. We got the drunk orca, the glitch in human form, and the tiger twins. They are all orphaned demi-humans. Give Naofumi some credit as we finally got one male teammate.

Sadina is a human and orca, I guess. She has a lot of history with Raphtalia and that’s the end of that tale. Spoilers.

Then, there’ S’yne. She’s the girl who sounds glitchy every time she speaks. S’yne is at first not trusted by Naofumi due to an earlier reputation. But she sticks around.

And then there’s the tiger twins, Fohl and Atla. Naofumi saved them from that underground fight club. Before, Fohl was barely scraping by and earning whatever he could to help his ailing sister. Now, the twins are thriving (despite Atla being blind and sometimes has trouble walking). Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Sadina is played by Ami Koshimizu (known for Makoto/Jupiter on Sailor Moon Crystal, Kallen on Code Geass, Ryuuko on Kill la Kill, Holo on Spice & Wolf, Rosa on Umineko, and Anemone on Eureka Seven)

*S’yne is played by Maria Naganawa (known for Kanna on Miss Kobayashi, Platelets on Cells at Work, and Komekko on Konosuba)

*Fohl is played by Kouhei Amasaki (known for Otto on Re:Zero, Kousuke on Tomo-chan is a Girl, and Monoma on My Hero Academia)

*Atla is played by Konomi Kohara (known for Chika on Kaguya-sama, Roxy on Mushoku Tensei, Miu on Domestic Girlfriend, Chitose on Tonikawa, and Kai on Hitoribocchi)

ENGLISH CAST: *Sadina is played by Alice Himora

*S’yne is played by Lisa Reimold

*Fohl is played by Kieran Regan

*Atla’s voice actress is unknown at this date and time

SHIPPING: Rishia really, for real, truly needs to give up on Itsuki. And if the slap in the face he gave her wasn’t enough of a big indicator…no, it truly needs to be one. I’m glad she stepped up to try and reason with him. But…eh, I got nothing else for this. I’m just annoyed by Itsuki dropping Rishia for being weak and Rishia still devoted to him.

And Raphtalia still loves Naofumi. It’s still unrequited. And she will still get jealous of anyone hugging, rubbing on, or sleeping with Naofumi.

ENDING: It’s obvious that Bitch has been poisoning the minds of every, single one of the four heroes. While Naofumi’s interaction at the beginning of the series was bad enough, Bitch took advantage of the other three during really rough moments of their journey. And all I can say is, Naofumi was wrong to keep her alive for this long. He should have just allowed the queen to have her daughter’s head chopped off. Motoyasu was dropped once it was shown that he could not make a dent in the tortoise from last season. In Bitch fashion, she claimed Motoyasu raped her making him out to be the town Harvey Weinstein. With Ren, Bitch manipulated him after losing his teammates in a gruesome way. But she ditched him soon after Naofumi got involved and helped him out. Finally, there’s Itsuki.

Itsuki wound up with a cursed item given to him by Bitch. These cursed items have not done anyone any good during this season and caused a lot of damage for the heroes who had them and Naofumi having to clean up the mess afterwards. When Ren was possessed, it caused a lot of trouble for innocent bystanders. Ren, Itsuki, and Motoyasu are all terrible and made terrible messes throughout the majority of this series. They should be licking Naofumi’s boot every morning when they wake up. Sorry, leftover hatred again. However, Itsuki’s sense of justice pissed me off further down the series. Itsuki pulls off his stupid justice kick by attacking Naofumi’s crew and innocent bystanders with his bow and arrows. Hell, he was going to kill Rishia because she didn’t believe in his “justice”. Thankfully, she and Naofumi were able to end Itsuki’s cursed justice. Itsuki is just mentally broken, but is cared for by Rishia.

Hmph. He should have just been left to rot in a wheelchair like Kirito in SAO. Not even sorry for that!

Okay, we’re at the final episode. Not sure when we’re going to see this wave attack with a giant phoenix. In two months is what Naofumi says but who the hell knows! And Bitch is still on the loose. She did drop Itsuki pretty fast, leaving him broke and broken. I know everyone wants Naofumi and the other three heroes together. I’ve been against that from the beginning. Sorry, last time! As of this moment, Itsuki and Ren are with Naofumi and his crew. Motoyasu…everyone still seems to avoid him like the plague. Yeah, he’s annoying. But mostly it’s because he wants to lewd Filo and now calls Naofumi, “Father” because, yeah, he technically did hatch Filo. Who wants to tell Motoyasu that Filo is technically a couple of months old? Okay, final episode. What’s in store?

Raphtalia is royalty!

Do what now?

Naofumi gave Raphtalia some priestess garb. Sadina got scared and warned her to remove the clothes immediately. Just then, Naofumi’s area is attacked (AGAIN). Usually, it’s slave poachers or someone under Bitch’s control. These new guys are different entirely. This time they want to kill Raphtalia. Why? Because she’s really the heir of this place called Q’ten Lo. Raphtalia’s father was the original ruler but abdicated and started a family. Sadina has been watching this family from the very beginning. So, there’s much more to Raphtalia’s family than just what we learned in season one. Naofumi is understandably pissed that these spies from Q’ten Lo are after Raphtalia and have been watching her pretty much her entire life. So, I guess we’re going to Q’ten Lo now.

Okay anime, that’s fine. But a few things. Phoenix wave is going to hit in less than two months. Filo still needs to up her stats after the whole dragon incident. Bitch is still on the loose. Itsuki is on par with a roasted parsnip. We don’t know where Motoyasu is nor do we care. Still in the dark about the tiger twins and that guy at the palace who hates Naofumi. Naofumi is about to drop everything to prepare for the biggest wave to date to go to this place we only learned about five seconds ago. And most importantly, THE ANIME IS OVER!

Yes, this does set us up for a possible fourth season or movie. As of now, we have a fourth season in the works. But I just have to ask myself this. Do I even want it? Okay, stupid question. I do want to see it for what happens. It’s just that I’m kinda in a slump when it comes to this anime. Most of that blame does stem from the previous season. This season wasn’t as bad, but it’s a far cry from where things were in the first season. I’ll give the anime this, it spiked my blood pressure on my day off from work. That’s not a good thing!

So, I guess we’re going to this Q’ten Lo place, meet new characters, and take a total detour from where this story was going with fighting the waves. Then again, this season had absolutely no wave-fighting. And I’m sure we’re not going to get much clarity of any other character that gets introduced and is a “insert-something-here” hero. I’ll give season four a fighting chance if someone throws a Molotov cocktail at Bitch’s face. For those looking for an improvement to season two’s disappointments…I can’t lie. You would probably only like half of the series. Anything involving Wyndia, dragons, and the whole lot of demi-humans might lose your interest.

For now, every season of Rising of the Shield Hero is on Crunchyroll.

[skoulsons]

that line from episode 2 is still haunting me. Joel’s “You need to stop talking about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her!”

We know of Joel’s reluctance and annoyance regarding the smuggling of Ellie outside the QZ and to the fireflies, but this is something we never get in the game. This very strong pessimism. He’s become so detached. He doesn’t believe she’s worth anything. He’s dehumanized her and stripped her raw of any worth or meaning in his mind. She equates to nothing. She has nothing to offer the world, not even her immunity to the fungus. She has nothing to offer either of them or anyone else. She’s worthless to him, in nearly every way possible.

And not only is this a mix of his pessimism that has been a part of him for who knows how long at this point, it’s also his vehement defiance of getting attached to her. This little girl is handed to him on a silver platter. A little girl that reminds him so much of Sarah. She’s cute, snarky, inquisitive, and a smart ass. What’s not to love? But he’s fighting himself the whole time because of this. She’ll get to him, he knows she will, so he has to do everything in his power to keep that from happening. Be rude, ignore her, blame her, point a gun and threaten to shoot her every time she breathes, downright shit on her whole existence to Tess while she can hear the conversation, whatever it may be. He has to mean nothing to her. Because he’s responsible for her. Because he has to protect her and get her to safety. And what happened the last time he had that same responsibility? And if that same fate happens to her, at least he’s not attached this time. He can throw her in a fire and move on. But if their journey goes too far, that bonding is inevitable. It will happen. And he just can’t let it. He has to get rid of her as soon as he can. Because those limits of not caring will only get him so far.

But, in part, it also makes me smile knowing how they end up. Knowing how much she ends up meaning to him that he massacres a whole hospital to save her. How much he ends up loving her, and her him. That she does have a life in front of her, and it’s because of him. They get to settle down together. Ellie living in a normal community for the first time in her life, not a military school. Making friends and finding love. Learning how to swim, visiting a space museum and getting to touch the stars, and learning how to play guitar; everything that he gives her. The man that convinced himself that she was nothing and without a purpose becomes more than everything to him. and I can’t wait to see it all unravel in live action.

[electricprincess96]

You know what I like about The Batman (2022) in an era of pessimism surrounding Batman and the Batman characters, where comics writers want to portray him as an abusive father and potentially just as much of a problem for Gotham as his rogues, Matt Reeves fundamentally understands that Batman is just as much a symbol of hope as he is a weapon of fear.

The ending to The Batman is clearly setting up a Bruce Wayne origin story, where Bruce realises that he can do plenty of good as both Batman and Bruce Wayne. Batman can inspire hope and safety to civilians who need his protection while Bruce Wayne can do the sort of good Batman never can, rebuilding his city and giving hope back to the people in the hours after Batman has saved the day.

Matt Reeves seems to fundamentally reject the semi popular notion perpetuated by some nowadays that Batman is "the problem" that if he didn't exist Gotham wouldn't be any worse off than a regular city. Reeves understands that's not the case, he understands that the whole argument of "Batman doesn't actually get these people help because without villains there'd be no need for Batman" is fundamentally flawed because if you understood Batman at his core you'd understands he does not want to be Batman (which is why when the argument of successors comes up and people say Nightwing doesn't want it, that's a stupid argument the best choice for Batman will always be someone who does not want to be Batman). Bruce wants a world where 8 year old Bruce Wayne doesn't have his parents so cruelly and violently snatched from him at a young age. Bruce becomes Batman to try and save other children from that fate, he doesn't always succeed because he is just a human but that is his goal, not doing it for kicks or anything and should he ever feel Gotham is in a place where it doesn't need Batman anymore he'd gladly stop.

This is clear from watching the movie but even more clear from looking at the comic books he names as inspiration for the movie. Batman Year One, Batman The Long Halloween and Batman Ego.

So yeah I have close to zero excitement levels for James Gunns Batman, I don't particularly love James Gunns directing, I don't care too much for a lot of his Batman takes that I've seen. HOWEVER I am SUPER excited for The Batman Part 2 because I trust Matt Reeves does actually love Batman as a character and will continue to do him justice.

Also Robert Pattinson is a good actor who for a long time was unfairly tainted by Twilight and I'm very happy to see him getting the recognition he deserves.

[fredkinnie]

L4D2 Nick x Reader

Office AU

Gender neutral reader Nick does call them sweetheart condescendingly (because hes an asshole)

Recently rediscovered this oneshot I wrote over a year ago as a joke(?) thing with a friend, not my best work but I think the concept was cute so if anyone's interested !! I don't know how to format fanfics on here bear with me. ALSO I edited it a little but also not really . not my best work so apologies D:

“As you both probably know, Ellis’ birthday is tomorrow.” You shuffled in your chair, attempting to make yourself comfortable. Of all the things your boss, Rochelle Torres, could have pulled you into her office for you were rather surprised it had to do with the birthday of one of your coworkers. Ellis Thompson was relatively new to your small sales office- he recently moved from manufacturing- but you got on quite well with him. The man seated to your left, however, did not.

“And? What, do I need to bake overalls a birthday cake or something, maybe hire some strippers to jump out of it?” This sarcastic quip came from no other than Nicolas “Nick” Wright, the well dressed and, admittedly, rather attractive salesman with a rather unnatractive attitude. He was known around the office for his pessimism and sarcasm, and the damned white suit, blue shirt combo he wore to work every day. However, he was great at his job and an excellent leader. In fact, he wasn’t half bad when he was focused. You’d even managed to coax a compliment out of him the last time the two of you were assigned to a project together. 

“No.” Rochelle responded after a moment, giving him a warning glance. It was obvious she was amused yet unenthused by his comment, the newly promoted woman was still finding a balance between banter with her subordinates and the level of professionalism needed by a regional manager. She was doing a good job, though, you noted internally. Much better than Nick, who so clearly struggled with professionalism. Rochelle spoke again, interrupting your thoughts about the suited salesman. “Actually, I need you two to decorate the conference room. Louis normally takes care of it, as you know, but his sister’s wedding happened to coincide with Ellis’ birthday.

“I approved his time off in advance and told him I’d take care of finding someone to set up the party, but then I forgot. I’ve just been really busy and it slipped my mind, I’m sorry for the short notice, guys.” Rochelle sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before looking back apologetically at you and Nick. You glanced to your left to gauge Nick’s reaction, which was unsurprisingly not a happy one. He looked like he was about to say something he’d later regret, so you cut him off.

“Don’t worry! We know you’ve had a lot on your hands as of late, it’s okay to make a mistake once and a while. Just tell us what we need to do specifically and we’ll do it, no problem.” You could practically feel Nick’s blank stare boring into the side of your head, but as Rochelle smiled you realized that he realized that you just saved his fucking ass. You’re welcome, Nick.

“Well, I went ahead and took care of the cake, so don’t worry about that. I took some time and dug around to find what party supplies we had on hand, so you’ll find that stuff in the conference room. Just go in there and do your best to spruce up the room, that’s all I can really ask.” You nodded, taking her statement as a que to exit. You stood up and looked toward Nick, who still hadn’t left his chair.

“Why did you choose me for this? At least the country boy and (Y/N) are actually friends.” He huffed, crossing his arms and sliding down in his seat slightly. It was almost funny to watch a grown man act so juvenile, especially a man who acted as macho as Nick did. This time there was no amusement in Rochelle’s stare.

“You two are my top salespeople. I figured you both deserved a break for all the hard work you do around here, however if doing things for your coworkers feels like a punishment to you I can make it one. Get working on it, now.” She said sternly, pointing a pink painted nail toward the door. He seemed to get the message as he scurried out after you. 

A pack of 24 assorted multicolor balloons, a pile of colored construction paper, and a spool of twine were waiting on the conference room table for the two of you. Beside them sat various office supplies, including a tape dispenser, a hole puncher, and a pair of scissors.

“Alright, here’s the game plan. Take the hole puncher and make some confetti with the construction paper. The custodians will hate us but it’ll make the table look more festive. I’ll make a banner with the paper and twine, then we’ll blow some balloons.” You directed, handing him the hole puncher before turning to grab the supplies you’d need. You had a vivid picture of what you needed to do in your mind. If you cut the letters in “Happy Birthday Ellis” out of the construction paper, then punched holes into the tops of them, you could string them on the twine and hang it up above the tabl-

“Who died and put you in charge?” Nick retorted, begrudgingly reaching for a piece of paper to begin his confetti making journey with. His scowl was even worse than it typically was, which was saying something.

“Probably the same person who died and made you a huge bitch. Like seriously, what’s your deal? Might do you some good to take the stick out of your ass and try to enjoy things once and a while.” You didn’t spare him a glance, instead beginning to cut an H out of a piece of orange construction paper. The room fell silent, save for the clicking of the hole puncher and the sound of scissors gliding across paper. Yes, what you said was unprofessional. That much you acknowledged, and if he decided to take that up with HR (that is, when the HR representative Louis came back from vacation) you were willing to take the consequences that came along with it. However it was the truth, and it needed to be said. You kept cutting.

“Sweetheart, if anyone else had said that I would have punched them.” Nicholas replied quietly, a few moments after the silence had gotten awkward. His voice was so soft, it was startling. What he said didn’t feel rude or like a threat, it just felt personal. The silence returned. You finished cutting H, then A, and P, another P, and then Y. You set your paper scraps between you and Nick’s seats and in some unspoken agreement, he turned it into confetti.

Clearly, there was something on your coworkers mind. Nick was never this quiet. As much as he seemed like he disliked people, you just got the feeling he thrived around them. When the two of you went for a meeting with one of the company’s customers he talked nonstop. He really is charismatic, especially when he’s not so rude. The longer the silence between you two went on, devoid of even a sarcastic crack or a mumbled string of curses, the more uncomfortable it became until finally you just had to ask.

“What’s wrong?” You inquired, finally turning to focus your (E/C) eyes on the suited man beside you. He took a deep breath, set down his tools, and turned to face you. Nick’s grey eyes were watering, tears threatening to spill out. He sniffled, averting his gaze and smiling crookedly. Instinctively, you reached out and embraced him, pulling him into a hug. His composure broke and he began to cry into your shoulder, melting into the physical contact that he so desperately needed. You could faintly make out muffled apologies and explanations coming from the crying man, nothing that really made sense but you realized this was more for him than it was for you. You just let him get it all out, one hand around his back and the other cradling his head. 

After a few minutes, his sobs slowed, then eventually stopped. Nick broke away from the hug, red eyed and sniffling. His true nature finally hit you: he’s a good guy, just scared to be vulnerable.

“I’m sorry.” He sniffed, your gazes still locked.

“I know you are.” You smiled gently.

“So much has happened but that doesn’t excuse being a dick. I’m so sorry.” Nick continued weakly.

“Do you want to talk more about it?” You offered.

He nodded.

“Over drinks tonight? The bar downtown?”

He nodded yet again, smiling.

With that, the two of you simultaneously turned back to your birthday party prepwork, the silence much more comfortable this time. He’s a good guy deep down, and you’re determined to meet the real him. For now, though, you were content cutting letters.