#eventually i want to retry it and do it better because there are a lot of flaws with this one

[aahsoka]

rip in peace to this dress im scraping it to use the fabric for something else

[vixen525noms]

Defying Certain Death Part 19

Dual posted to my DeviantArt account, a non-sexual G/T vore story featuring adults along the lines of the lion and the thorn fable. There will be tons of hurt/comfort aspects, lots of safe vore. That is the primary focus in this.

Barrett is an adult giant standing 85ft tall and Hope is an adult human at 5ft 6. Barrett does not eat children at any point.

Warnings: Unwilling Prey; Fatal Mention; Characters in Distress

Future and Previous: While this part is relatively tame, future and previous parts include fatal vore and violence. Barrett, the giant, is not a good guy, so will be doing some occasional bad things.

Editor: @vore-scientist

Picture   First | Previous

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Upon leaving town, Barrett paused to look around, flicking up the tertiary eyelid to check for signs of life. Good. No other syor or their minions had noticed Hope and followed. No partner harpies scouting the area. He tensed his stomach, the motions of regurgitation becoming more familiar. It was still annoying to release a human. But for Hope it was worth it. He felt her on his tongue again after bringing her up. While the weight in his stomach had been nice while he had been back in the syor town, he had missed seeing her and missed her scent. Back to the uncomfortable woods, away from his fine house… for her sake. He would eventually have to find a more permanent solution.

Meanwhile he plucked her from his mouth, using a cloth to wipe her off a bit. A fresh one he had retrieved from his house, softer and cleaner, and with a nicer pattern than the handkerchief he had been using before. Laying it over her shoulders to protect from any chilling breezes. “There we are little one. Couldn’t have you out while other syor were around… but now I can show you some of my treasure! Not all of it of course, couldn’t carry it all, but if I’m going to get you fancy things, I needed some more funds.” 

He watched her pull the cloth around her shoulders like a blanket. Why was that so cute to watch? Is this what syorians feel towards humans? Why they don’t have humans as meals? He hoped he didn’t start feeling like this towards more than Hope. Food could be hard to come by! He couldn’t be picky when hunting!

He closed his eyes. Best not to think about it. He looked at Hope again, reaching into his bag with his spare hand and pulling out a beautiful blue sapphire. “Here! Look at this one! Sapphires are at the center of the king’s crown, you know, so obviously they are the best. This one is very clear, no blemishes.” He cocked his head… she wasn’t looking at the sapphire he put by her at all! Why didn’t she focus on the gem? He heard her muttering something. His ear twitched as he tried to understand… something about her dad… and the thieves? What was she talking about them for, they were dead and gone…

Humans were very confusing. “Hope… this gem is very special to my collection… So you should look at it… because you are a special human. Don’t think about things dead and gone. I will show you pretty things and you can look at them and be happy.” He decided to try the next item, setting an emerald ring next to her. “I actually made this one. You can see it’s a little rough, was my first time making jewelry. Took several retries to get it how I wanted. Perhaps if I learn the spell to get small, I can make jewelry for you.” Barrett was disappointed she wasn’t reacting much, but tried a few more times before just starting back towards camp, he could try again later. Maybe she needed to calm down because she knew how dangerous a syor town could be.

When he tried to interact with her the next day it wasn’t better. If anything it was worse. He set her down to watch her make breakfast but  she didn’t put the same effort in as usual. It was not for lack of supplies, her food cart was full, so that did not make sense. He didn’t know anything about the weird way humans and syorians prepared food, but he definitely had grown to understand the amount of time and care she put into the task. She’d also used the supplies to make other things that didn’t use food in them. Seeing her eating stuff straight from the cart was… odd. She had plenty of time to sleep while in his belly, so she shouldn’t be tired, right? So he just watched her, waiting until she seemed done to try to show her the sapphire again. He frowned when she cringed from his reaching hand. Why was she like that? He had told the truth like any proper syor should and she had been unharmed! It didn’t make sense to him. 

The next couple days Hope showed no improvement, in fact she got worse.. At first he was pleased that she no longer cringed away from his hands, until he realized it was due to failing strength. Every day she grew more quiet. Every day she ate less and less. Only occasionally did she prepare even a small fire to cook with. Now that he was paying more attention he noticed a few more bizarre things: she had more moisture on her clothing, even though she was not very active, and was resting under a tree. And her scent… it was different. just slightly off… saltier perhaps? And the scent itself was stronger than it normally was. He didn’t like it. He wanted her to smell like she did before, and talk to him like she did before.

He thought about what happened before her behavior got worse. He had enjoyed having her in his belly, where no other Syor could harm her or even taunt her... but he did not like how she was acting now. He did not like that she cowered like when he first got free of the rocks, and now he did not like that she wasn’t… She had been starting to talk to him again! And now he did not like that she wasn’t.... He did not like this... but he did not know how to get his Hope back to how she was when he was trapped and she was saving him.

Taking her to the tailor to get fine clothing hadn’t improved her mood the first time, nor did trying to show gems, jewelry, and precious metals this time. Nothing he tried worked and it frustrated him. New fancy things always made him happy! He lay on the cot in the tent he had bought, his little human under his hand on his chest. At least she seemed to enjoy laying on his chest as long as he didn't disturb her much. He thought back to when he was trapped. She had been collecting plants… she had seemed happy when he was watching her before she saw him. She had been taking something off the top of the plant, but he didn’t understand what or why. 

Again he wondered if she might be a terran, rather than an average human. Of course she was above average, she was special.  Terrans were like humans, only born with a magical affinity for one element. Like the geomancers who set the trap. But Hope was not a geomancer or she would have used earth  magic to free him. Perhaps she had an affinity for water, or plants.  Or perhaps she was an average human and was using spells. With spells, non-terrans could still learn magic, just like giants could even though all giants had in-born magic. Anyone could learn magic if they wanted. His kind… did not usually want to do so.  “Hope? Are you a terran? If you are, you haven’t used your magic lately or I would have smelled you are terran… but you were after plants when I found you…” He paused, waiting for an answer. But got none.

He moved his hand and lifted her up to look at her. Usually even scared she answered direct questions… She was acting odd. He sniffed at her, holding her close to his face and squinting to focus better. She seemed a little pale. She felt warmer and was shivering… Was she sick? Was it his fault? Her clothes were wet again… this wasn’t right! “Hope? What is going on? Why are you wet and shivering? Why is your scent odd?” He got no answer… but she touched her throat and shook her head. “You… something with your neck?”

Barrett was confused and upset. He didn’t know enough about humans to understand what might be wrong. But he understood enough to know something definitely is wrong. He tried to think… he had been sick before and his whole body ached and shivered and his eyes, especially his tertiary eyelid, would pound in his skull. Did humans get sick the same that syor and syorian did? They didn't have a special eyelid, but besides that… would they feel the same? And would the same treatments help?

Barrett stroked Hope’s hair. Now that he wasn’t trying to get her to talk and was just holding and looking at her, she just lay down in his palm. She looked tired even though she hadn’t been doing much. Even though she had seemed unhappy after the trip to the syor town, she wasn’t trying to avoid him. He saw she was shivering and cupped his other hand over her to provide warmth. He would have to go to the syorian town. They spent time around small folk. They would know more about humans like Hope.

Barrett reached the town quickly, growling more than usual at anyone who even looked at him wrong. He needed to think. He knew the man at the fruit stand was talented in healing magic, but wasn’t a trained physician. He needed an actual doctor this time. He paused. Snarled at someone who came too close as he clutched his precious human to his chest. He would need to ask for help. But he didn’t want anyone besides a doctor near what his problem was and nobody was going to want to talk to him while he was acting like this… he would have to be insistent.. He walked over to a herbalist’s stand, shoving aside a customer who seemed to be finishing a purchase. Just a worthless naga. Lucky they weren’t out in the woods… a mid sized naga like this one would be a few days of meat. He started talking to the herbalist to get information about a local small folk doctor, moving the hand covering Hope as he gestured while speaking. He first had to convince the lady he hadn’t done anything to Hope he just needed to know where a doctor who treats small folk is. Then Hope’s weight vanished from his hand.

A roar erupted from him as he slashed his claws through the tail of the naga that had stolen her.  His claws easily sliced through the scales and flesh, even scratching at the bone. Miraculously the naga did not drop Hope as she jerked back, “Take it easy! You said you needed a doctor!” That’s when Barrett finally took in the fact that this naga he had previously shoved aside was wearing the telltale light blue jacket with the medical rune on it that doctors wore. Barrett frowned, “Oh… sorry… but you just… took her. I thought someone stole her…” The naga sighed, “I was stopping by here to get more ingredients for treatments… heard how frantic you were.” Her tail twitched as with one deft hand she did… something… to slow the bleeding. . “You owe me a wound salve, very expensive, and I need to have my nurse heal me properly before I actually work on this human.”

The naga set the girl back on Barrett’s hand, “I am far too injured to slither now so you will carry me,” the doctor insisted. Barrett frowned, but did not object. The naga was much smaller than him, but also a fair bit bigger than Hope. Stood maybe 20ft tall? Easy for a giant to carry. Barrett used his free hand to pick up the naga, letting it’s tail droop over his arm. The naga gave directions to the clinic, actually not far from the herb stand and an alchemist. Barrett used his back to push the door open, then walked over to the counter where a syorian nurse was making notes. The nurse arched a brow at the sight of claw marks on the doctor before stepping around to pick up the doctor and heal her. 

The lady doctor spoke to the male nurse about what happened, the nurse stealing a surprised glance at Barrett upon hearing that he, a syor, wanted the human treated. “How unusual. Syor aren’t usually so defensive over the few minions that are kept…” Barrett gave a snarl, “Hope is no minion! She is precious, special.” The nurse looked even more shocked, “That… I haven’t heard a syor speak of a human like that… but Doctor Lenora is very good at what she does.” Barrett was starting to calm at the reassurance of this doctor’s skill. He held out his hand with hope and the nurse sighed, “Take her to the room over there. Normally we take them to the small folk rooms, but she is in poor shape so please take her to the giant room instead. The doctor will be in to see you once I have taken care of her injuries.” Barrett frowned briefly before heading into the room. His ears perked as he overheard the conversation in the other room. The doctor was complaining about needing healing and to wash up blood. Barrett almost laughed when he heard the nurse reply, “-Your own damn fault. You could see how possessive he is and you know better than to take something from a syor. Honestly, I’m surprised you aren’t closer to dead than alive.”

Exactly, Barrett silently agreed, dumb naga’s own fault she got clawed. 

After a few minutes, the doctor entered from a side door sized perfectly for her. “Good morning. I am Dr Lenora McCoy. Seems you have a new patient for me.” Barrett was tense at the doctor’s presence, so calm after he had just attacked her, even if the wounds were now partially healed and bandaged up. He nodded. “Hope isn’t speaking to me. She smells odd, stronger and seems to be shivering,” Barrett explained as he lowered his hand for the doctor to examine Hope. He growled as he noticed the doctor moving Hope into a different position and putting something to her ear. “What are you doing to my Hope? Be careful with her.” McCoy paused, “My job. At the moment checking her temperature. The illness seems to be hitting her far harder than it should… Has she been under abnormal stress? That can weaken the immune system…” Barrett frowned and looked away as he thought. Had she handled the trip to town worse than he thought? “I… had to visit my house. In a syor town. I suspect knowing where we were was hard on her even if she was safe in my belly.” He noticed the doctor arch a brow, but stayed silent as she continued to examine Hope.

Barrett watched closely, occasionally growling at how the naga interacted with Hope, but trying to keep his possessive instinct under control. The naga had coaxed her to sit up, and was currently looking in her mouth. Barrett wasn’t sure why Hope’s mouth needed to be looked at. Everything the doctor did seemed pointless or unimportant. It took pressing her for answers several times before she caught on, and she started to explain everything she was doing. And yet his nerves were still on end. He tried to explain. Many times. Didn’t she understand how hard it was? He was allowing someone, a stranger, another predator, to interact with his precious Hope while she was vulnerable. His own predatory instincts were heightened just being near injured prey, and occasionally that prey’s injured tail was still twitching. He could not be distracted. 

Barrett’s ears perked again as the naga spoke softly to Hope, and a deep growl left his throat as he slammed his claws into the table next to her. “Did I hear you asking her about leaving me? Do you want to end up dead? Right now you are taking care of my Hope but if you take her from me I won’t hesitate. I will bite off your tail before devouring the rest of you, and I won't care if it gets me banished from town” The doctor tensed, “It’s my job to make sure she is safe and well. Normally with a syor is not safe.” 

“No, that is my job!” Barrett snarled. Then he went quiet as he considered, “I see… you are trying to protect her. Like I do. So this is an exception. She is mine to protect.” 

Dr McCoy seemed uncertain for a moment but nodded, “Alright… based on my examinations she likely has a bad upper respiratory infection.” Seeing Barrett's blank but accepting expression she continued, “Her illness has weakened her and caused damage to her throat. She needs soup and other soft things to eat until she recovers. But she is not well enough to cook for herself. It looks like she did mix some sort of medicine to help with it, but the alchemist next door can provide something a bit better since she doesn’t have the strength to brew her own concoctions.” 

The doctor considered for a moment, “You clearly want to help her, make her well again, right?” Barrett hesitated a moment with naga staring expectantly at him but nodded, “Yes. She is special. I want her well again.” He cocked his head, watching McCoy rub her forehead, “And I assume you will not tolerate leaving her with us?” Barrett growled at even the mere suggestion of it. “My point made,” she said a bit more sternly, “Hope needs rest, hydration, and nutrition more than anything. Medicines from the alchemist will help, but without rest and food she will get worse. I will write out what to get from the alchemist, and since you will refuse to leave her in our care, providing her with said care, including specialized meals, will be up to you.”

Barrett nodded with only a hint of reluctance. “I will ensure she recovers,” he said with more conviction. 

 “Glad you understand. Since my nurse is the same size as you he will explain how a giant your size cares for a sick human,” McCoy said, writing out what needed to be gotten from the alchemist next door. “These potions… they should help ease her symptoms a fair bit. My nurse will have suggestions on how you can care for her.” The naga held out the paper with the large writing to Barrett. Barrett took it, glancing it over and then reaching to pick up Hope. 

Barrett was not happy the doctor still seemed so unsure he could properly care for his Hope, so he decided to prove his point about how she was his to take care of. He made sure he was gentle as he scooped her up into his palm, “Don’t worry Hope. I’ll get you better. Even if I have to learn that weird way you make your food. I’ll figure out what to do.” He looked up at the doctor again, “Thank you.” 

He first reached for coins to pay the doctor, but paused when an idea struck him. The coins fell back between his fingers into the treasure purse and brushed against his gems. He knew by touch alone each and every gemstone. Barrett didn’t like giving up a gem… but with how important this was to him, how important Hope was to him… if the illness got worse it could have cost her life. He pinched his fingers around a small ruby and with minimal hesitation, placed it on the counter. The doctor immediately understood the gesture, and thanked him. He felt… warm from hearing the thanks. An odd feeling. He stared at the ruby a moment longer as the doctor picked it up, then turned around to go speak to the nurse. Parting with a gem was never easy.

But for Hope, it was worth it.

The nurse started by instructing him on heating water and adding premixed packets to boiling water. An especially tricky thing for a giant to do with such small volumes. And it needed to cool before giving it to Hope or it could hurt her. At first the nurse recommended utilizing a shrinking charm. Shrinking to small folk size would make it much easier, but Barrett hated the idea of shrinking down. Felt too vulnerable to be small. Un-syor-like. The nurse understood and instead was able to point him to purchase some tools that syorian used to work with smaller objects. She also suggested that instead of mixing the foods himself, he could go to the cafe or bakery to get soup for Hope. They would have jars of soup. Just warm up a little and it would be ready to eat. Of course that meant being in more syorian places, full of little tasty humans.

But for Hope, it was worth it.

The medicine would be equally hard to interact with. The doses would be impossible for him to prepare without shrinking. But the nurse informed him the alchemist could pre-mix that as well. So when Barrett went to the alchemist with the list of medicines, he requested that. The bottles were so small. He couldn’t read them but when he showed them to Hope she appeared pleased, so he assumed it was correct. The alchemist indicated a single bottle with all the doses would be one coin, but the time to divide them into smaller portions meant the single dose bottles cost more. A few coins for the medicine. Syor rarely needed medicine, but buying the single doses was almost what he spent on medicine for himself once!

But for Hope, it was worth it.

The extra humans in those places made him antsy. Made him want to hunt. Humans and other small folk everywhere. Food. Everywhere. He needed to keep focus. Cafe and bakery to get the weird food for Hope. He may very well be the first syor ever going to these shops. Syor didn’t really shop for food. Just hunt. Occasionally scavenge for in season fruits and the like. It felt so weird to even think about going to these places, and now he stepped foot into them, holding Hope to his chest to stave off her chills. To keep her safe as he went in this place. Did something syor just don’t do.

But for Hope, it was worth it.

The cafe was by far the worst. Humans, nemeran beastfolk, and whatever other small folk milling around, nervous when they saw him but otherwise unconcerned. So off guard. So easy to snatch and swallow… if not for the syorian nearby that would stop him. He made it to the counter, facing the clearly shocked and confused syorian shopkeepers. More shocked when he moved his hand to show them Hope nestled there. Barrett told them the doctor said her throat is bad and he needed the right foods for her. One suggested grouse soup was traditionally used by humans and other small folk when ill. Barrett had no idea what grouse was, but if it was what she needed, he would get that. The shopkeeper was talking about… some other food now. Something with duck? He knew what ducks were. Now mentioning pheasant… something.  He didn’t know what.. The different things were getting confusing. So he decided to get a couple of each. Let Hope have her pick. These small folks moving around tempting his hunting instincts, having to spend money on these weird syorian foods… it was so un-syor-like. It was wrong. 

But for Hope, it was worth it.

Next stop would be the easiest one. The clothing shop, at least they knew him there. For once he couldn’t focus on the fanciest and nicest garments. He needed to get Hope a soft robe to wear while sick. She was shivering even in his hand. She needed to be as comfortable as possible. It was so tempting to see if she could try on a couple of the newest dresses they had… Hope even looked up at him, the look of concern clear on her face. His heart sank… an awful feeling.  He told them he needed a robe and nice night clothes for Hope because she is sick. Fortunately they had her measurements from previous visits and were able to find something that was close to her fit, just slightly larger. The tailors also suggested he purchase something for himself, something with special embroidery that would be easier for a human to hold onto. Something that had pockets with soft lining for Hope to be secure and warm in. That made her smile. And he used another gem. He hated how plain the sleepwear and robe was, how it didn’t fit what a proper syor would spend money on.

But for Hope, it was worth it.

Back in camp he settled her onto his cot in her cozy new sleepwear with his own blanket snuggled around her. He reread the note from the doctor, and the additions onto it from the alchemist, the chef, the baker… so many instructions. He gave her the first dose of medicine, reading up on what the alchemist and doctor said. Food was more important than medicine, the doctor said. He held out the bowl of grouse soup balanced on a claw. Not so precarious, as the syorian cafe worker had provided tiny metal bowls and suggested he make a divot at the center of each to make this easier.  . He watched over her as she sipped the soup, ignoring that some spilled on his blanket. The mess was unimportant. 

He made sure she had as much as she could of it. He read over the chef’s notes on storing the soup for later. Close the lid. Place it in the enchanted marble container. Make sure the storage container is properly closed. Set it in a safe place so it won’t be knocked over. He considered. He wasn’t as practiced moving stone as he was metal. It required the right movements to control earth and stone or he would have freed himself from the rocks…. This took careful gestures. A small end table of stone carefully shaped, a rim to reduce the chance of things on it being bumped. He wanted to make it look fancy, he wanted to give it that special syor touch… but that was not the priority right now. So he placed the food storage container on it. The box with the many jars of medicine. The written instructions. 

For long days he labored. For long nights he barely slept, instead sitting vigil to watch over her. To make sure she was doing better. Sleeping soundly. Breathing properly. The first sound of her voice again made his heart swell. When was the last time he felt that way? He couldn’t think of a time. But even a hint of her voice didn’t make him rest. He kept at it. Every dose of medicine. Every drop of soup. Until she was fully well again. 

Because for Hope, it was worth it.

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[triviareads]

Trivia's Monthly Book Round-Up: March 2024

Definitely a better reading month this March! I had a lot of fun with the historicals as well as the contemporary romances I read this month (including some pretty out-there finds like Beg For It by Megan Hart which I ended up adoring. I also got to read some fabulous ARCs like The Mistress Experience by Scarlett Peckham and You Should Be So Lucky by Cat Sebastian (reviews to come).

Daddy Crush by Adriana Anders

Exactly what it says on the tin, just a really well-executed age-gap romance that's tender and sexy and has a daddy kink; Jerusha grew up in a rural conservative Christian environment and moves out because she never could quite fit in with her family. She develops a crush on her new neighbor Karl and ends up asking him for sex lessons. I love how unapologetic and joyful Jerusha is about exploring her desires after not being able to do so in the past, and Karl provides her with that safe space all while feeling juuuuuuust enough guilt about being an old lech (he really isn't) to provide further entertainment for me.

Also, I appreciate the realness of the way Adriana describes their bodies— the softness, stretch marks, dimples. It's one of those things I wish we saw more often in romance novels that weren't specifically advertised as having fat rep.

Beg for It by Megan Hart

A super hot femdom romance; Corinne and Reese were in a relationship for in their early twenties, but he eventually left her to move to the Big City. Now they're middle-aged and Reese is a successful businessman looking to take over the company Corinne is CFO of. I loved reading about how the D/s dynamic just clicked for them when they first met in a flashback scene. As with all great second chance romances, their mutual resentment upon reuniting is real ("I'm not your boy anymore!"), but they're also grown-ass adults who know how to handle themselves.... for the most part. You get the sense that while both of them technically moved on, they were never able to get what they wanted from later partners; Reese loves to serve Corinne and gets off on punishment just as much as she enjoys making a meticulous (mental) list of infractions and doling the punishment out. Also, I do appreciate a book where pegging isn't treated as a one-time *special* thing (or worse, a bonus scene).

The Duke's Perfect Wife by Jennifer Ashley

At long last I decided to retry Jennifer Ashley and I ended up adoring this book! After years of no contact, Eleanor approaches her ex-fiancé Hart to inform him someone is threatening to leak his nude photos. Hart is a gruff, growly SCOTTISH duke who's trying to become Prime Minister so.... this is inconvenient. For all of Hart's posturing, he never got over Eleanor and the man is Obsessed with her. There's so much I loved about this story— there's such a valid reason as to why Eleanor broke off her previous engagement with Hart and I feel like they both learned and grew from it in the following years. BUT that doesn't mean the chemistry isn't there— it was always there (as shown in the flashbacks) and it will always be there, and it's bonkers hot. Like, Eleanor hoards Hart's blackmail nudes in her Hart Scrapbook (I know) and when she's found out, she asks for more nudes (which are taken. in a veeeery hot scene that is very female gaze-y). Obviously he asks for hers in return, which he also takes, eventually.

Rules for a Proper Governess by Jennifer Ashley

@mermaidsirennikita had already put this one my radar, so when the hero Sinclair McBride aka The Scots Machine aka BASHER McBride was teased in The Duke's Perfect Wife in that specific way where you know he's a future hero because he made the current hero (Hart) jealous, I had to read about this hot blond widower barrister next. The heroine Bertie is a pickpocket who tries steal Sinclair's pocket watch but he catches her and she ends up stealing a kiss instead. Then she highkey stalks Sinclair because she's FASCINATED by him and accidentally ends up as his children's governess. In classic The Sound of Music style, she gives the kids an unorthodox but well-rounded education, and on the side she's adorably seething when a widow tries to put the moves on Sinclair. She and his son successfully cockblock him and what follows is the most EROTIC finger-sucking scene I've read like, this man fully shoves 3 of her fingers in his mouth and goes for it. It's so great. I'd absolutely recommend.

The Home Wrecker by Sara Cate

I'm gonna be real, I was not impressed by the last few books Sara Cate put out, but I actually ended up really enjoying this one. Kudos to Sara for actually writing cheating into the romance, and I also thought she handled sensitive subjects like Briar and Caleb's fertility struggles (and the decision they make by the end), Dean being a sex worker, and homophobia in conservative Christian families, quite well. And the emphasis she put on family (lost, found, estranged, having children) was actually really moving by the end.

And on a romance level, the cheating stuff worked— It was kinda great to read both Caleb and Briar being galvanized into acting once they've both been with Dean, especially when you see their their intense apathy towards one another earlier on with this super cringy sex scene. I also like how we were given three distinct personalities with distinct viewpoints in the three main characters; it's something I felt was missing with the throuple in Madame. Here is my full review.

Out of Office by A.H. Cunningham

This is suuuch a sensual, tropical romance split between Panama and Miami and it's out on April 23rd. Here's my review.

[cottoncandyruby]

So, i am way behind on Rhinktober but just fulfilled the cuddle prompt and it’s Rhett’s birthday so here! You can read on archive but also under the cut - peek, if you want some sickly sweet softness 💚

Rhett was a creature of habit, and of late he’d acquired a new one that he had only recently told his wife about. It had been just for him, something his therapist suggested he try after he brought up an issue he’d been having.

As Rhett had stated many a time, he was an introvert and more pertinently, he wasn’t a fan of physical touch. While his wife and other friends of his preferred to receive affection, he was happy having a quite pronounced personal space bubble. He was selective with both the touches he received and the touches he gave out.

Due to his imposing height, he had a well-practiced lightness to his touch too; never wanting to apply too much pressure during a hug or allow his weight to be felt by someone significantly smaller. One person he was less self-conscious of bothering with his touch was Link. Ironically, they weren’t very affectionate friends. He had other friendships like his relationship with Mike where touches were more regular; greetings were often hugs instead of handshakes, as were goodbyes, because Mike was an affectionate person and he also respected people’s boundaries so if ever Rhett declined a hug he wasn’t as concerned about hurting his feelings. With fans or new, friendly people it felt more challenging for Rhett to say no.

With Link, touches were so few and far between, neither of them wanted anything more than what they provided for the other. That was until a few weeks ago.

In his future-oriented philosophical way, as the day of his forty-fifth birthday grew nearer, Rhett couldn’t help but ponder his mortality. Considering the frequency with which he and Link looked back and tapped into their nostalgia, it was hard not to get all bittersweet and emotional from time to time, even if he did so privately. With one son off at college, vow renewals, near forty years of friendship and the plentiful peaks and valleys of life he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if he was misspending his time.

Were the better, more worthy things he could be doing? Heck, were there better, more selfish things he could be doing? It’d taken him years to retry butt plugs; what about all the new experiences that eventually would become too awkward, too difficult, too dangerous for him to try?

Rhett couldn’t help but stew on these questions and his therapist encouraged him to embrace the concerns he had but make them actionable; find the time to experience new things on his own. So, Rhett did. He embraced the rare occasions he had a free day to himself and explored L.A for new solo adventures until one day he found himself at a spot he’d never actually been to but was greeted by a familiar face.

Jean was more than pleased to see Rhett, though she was very surprised when Link didn’t follow him through the door. That late afternoon, Rhett partook in a group session with about eleven other people he’d never met before, some cuddle professionals and some strangers lookin’ for a hug. He spent a lot of his time in one corner with this other first-timer who was a little overwhelmed by the group dynamic but eventually warmed up to one of the professionals there.

Rhett managed a lean on someone’s shoulder, finding himself more comfortable on the floor and immediately seeing himself as the alternate “Rhett” from ‘Buddy System: Season 2’ just sans the silks. Jean noticed his hesitance and paired him up with Liv who was a very tall woman, who either had to be a former basketballer or volleyballer. She was muscular and had a warm smile that helped put Rhett at ease, but he still felt a little weird when she invited him to lay down next to her, the only welcome surprise that prevented the awkwardness of a possible arousal was that she suggested she be the big spoon. It was as though she had sensed his reason for coming. Outside of Rhett’s genuine curiosity in an experience like cuddling with strangers, there was also a part of him eager to understand what it would feel like to be…the little spoon.

It was that specific curiosity that led Rhett to make many return trips to the Cuddle Sanctuary. Eventually, he grew weary of the awkwardness of interacting with several new people in what was still a relatively intimate way considering he wasn’t physically affectionate by nature.

Jean had suggested private sessions to him after they had a candid conversation about some of the specific needs he wanted fulfilled. Despite the fact that it was an incredibly wholesome arrangement, Rhett couldn’t help but feel a little dirty, even when discussing the sessions he was about to have and the first meet with the professional cuddler, his brain likened it to hiring a prostitute. Not that there was anything wrong with sex work or any shame in soliciting sex workers, but it wasn’t what Rhett was looking for and he didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea that he was cheating on his wife or something.

Jean did her best to assuage his fears and Freddie, his one-on-one professional cuddler, was a delight. They got on pretty well upon first meeting and slowly built up from a starting point of casual closeness: sitting on beds or couches with their bodies touching at the arm and leg. Steadily, they graduated to an arm around Rhett’s shoulder and then to different configurations of hugging.

Yes, occasionally Freddie got aroused as it was a possibility when close and relaxed with someone you may happen to find attractive, but he always kept things professional and would announce the problem to Rhett and suggest a new position to keep things cool.

Though the first time it happened Rhett wound up a little wigged out, by the third time, his ego was starting to inflate, and he wasn’t feeling so nervous about their proximity anymore. The charmer in him did have to reign in the flirty side of his personality though; despite the whole premise of Cuddle Sanctuary originating on the idea of physical affection being non-exclusive to romantic or sexual partnerships, Rhett couldn’t help but think of romantic and/or sexual things. Even Freddie, who was certainly attractive, had Rhett blushing at their closeness. Rhett was very comfortable in his sexuality and open to exploring it, but this wasn’t the forum for exploring his sexuality.

It was just a part of Rhett’s process to help de-stigmatise the need for physical affection between male friends. It was normal and privately, Rhett was proud of himself for championing the pursuit of tenderness that he so often avoided with other men.

So far, as part of Rhett’s journey to getting more comfortable with physical affection, he had had five sessions with Freddie dotted here and there and had recently committed to weekly scheduled sessions for the next two months. Price wise it was going to cost.

.().().().

He was at the Creative House one Friday after work and had forgotten to change his mailing address to his home. The first few letters of communication between him and the Cuddle Sanctuary had transpired when Rhett was still yet to tell Jessie; his insecurities eating at him until he realised of all people, Jessie would be the last one to judge him and, as he expected, was genuinely excited for him to get more comfortable with affection. Besides, she’d benefit from it too.

It was a win-win...until it wasn’t. Link arrived at the Creative House about forty minutes after Rhett, he had to stop at his house first and had picked up their mail on the way in. Rhett, ever the workaholic, had breezed by their post to get to work in his office space.

Link didn’t usually call out to him when he arrived, preferring to just wander into his office when he was making a drink or something, so Rhett was confused when Link shouted at him to come to the living room.

As he made the short trip from his office to the front door, beads of realisation took the form of sweat on his forehead as he observed Link squint at his letter. At the Creative House, both men had agreed they were free to open mail addressed to whomever since it was usually about business ventures involving the two of them, not personal matters they might not want the other reading about.

“You’ve been goin’ to the Cuddle Sanctuary?” Link asked, shrugging off his shoulder bag and toeing off his shoes. “You don’t like being touched.”

“Yeah, well…times change.” Rhett replied with a casualness he didn’t feel as he entered the living room, hovering by the sofa.

Link frowned at him, “But…you – you don’t even hug. Isn’t it like a group thing – you’re just touching strangers?”

“Hey, what’s with the tone, Neal? We’ve met Jean, yeah it seemed like a woo-woo thing initially, but it has meaning for people. Plus, there’s plenty folks we know who feel better after a good hug. Look at Mike or our wives.” Rhett edged closer around the coffee table, hoping to snatch his letter from Link’s grasp.

“Yeah, but you? I just…I don’t know. Colour me surprised, I guess. So, this is for private sessions? Rhett -”

Link darted out of the way, despite Rhett’s large wingspan, his movements were too predictable for his friend to not see coming, “- Just, give me that. Link -”

The younger man speed-walked around the hazard the coffee table was becoming, “- ‘Dear, Rhett, this is to confirm your first payment of two-hundred and fifty dollars for your private session with Freddie Tompkins’. A private session? With Freddie? Who is Freddie?”

Rhett was getting agitated now, “Link, you ‘bout to piss me off, brother.”

Link widened his eyes, a look of teasing shock on his face, “What? I’m just curious, I didn’t know you were so touch-starved that you were paying for hugs from Freddie.”

Rhett sighed, maybe coming clean would stop Link from embarrassing him any further, “Maybe I am.”

“What?” The smirk fell from Link’s face as he watched Rhett deflate like a burst tyre.

“I. Shit. I’m not ‘touch-starved’, me and Jessie are good, and plenty affectionate or whatever. It’s just…” he faltered, knowing however he phrased it, Link was gonna be weirded out.

Link could see Rhett getting self-conscious; it wasn’t often that he got that way around Link though and he didn’t like it, “Say it.”

“Link, I’m trying to but listen, this isn’t some joke to me, I’m serious about this. If you’re gonna start ripping into me for it, then I don’t wanna explain it to you.”

Link rounded the corner of the coffee table to approach Rhett with hands open in a surrendering gesture, “N-no, Rhett. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as judgy, I’m just confused. You’ve never…you’ve never wanted that so…what made you change your tune?”

Rhett cleared his throat, “I’m a big man. Sometimes I wanna be the little spoon.”

Link made a face at the lacklustre explanation, “That’s it? You...want to be held by some guy? What – is Freddie seven foot or somethin’?”

He could hear Rhett’s jaw clench, “Link, I swear –“

“- Sorry, I…so you’re telling me you’re paying this dude two-hundred and fifty bucks to be your big spoon?” The look of incredulity on Link’s face wasn’t doin’ a whole lot for Rhett’s confidence; an air of resignation settled around him.

Rhett shrugged, “Yes, do you have a problem with that?”

Link flapped his arms like a peacock puffing out his feathers, “Well, yeah!” He pushed the letter into Rhett’s hands as he brushed by him, angrily huffing his way toward the kitchen.

Rhett responded with an impersonation of the blinking guy meme, taking a second to process the abrupt change in mood, “What, why?”

He entered the kitchen to find Link searching the drawers for some utensil he’d misplaced, “Why wouldn’t you ask me? I’m a big guy, I could be your big spoon!”

“Wha-you don’t like hugs! Least not with me, we don’t do that,” Rhett countered.

More clunks could be heard, and Rhett was getting increasingly sure Link didn’t actually know what he was looking for he just wanted to occupy his hands, “Well, I thought you didn’t want to. If you’re just wantin’ a different kinda hug, I can spare you the money man. Honestly, that’s what driving me nuts that you’d spend that much money on this. I assume you were gonna be seeing him more than once?”

Finally Link settled, palms resting on the kitchen island as he appraised Rhett, “I already have seen him. He’s a good cuddler.” Rhett couldn’t help but smile beside himself which only seemed to rile Link up more.

“He freakin’ better be with that rate.”

Okay, so there wasn’t as much out-right scorn as Rhett expected; that was a good thing but this angsty energy was tiring him out.

Link’s head had bowed now but Rhett couldn’t tell if he was staring at the cutting board on the counter or closing his eyes from…frustration? “So…we’re good?”

Link sighed, “Yeah, yeah, we’re good man.”

Rhett doubted it but he was also fully done with this conversation, “Cool. Alright, I’mma be in mine – okay.”

“Yup. You want a coffee?”

“I’m good,” and with that Rhett made for his office while Link set about filling up the kettle, muttering something to himself that Rhett couldn’t make out.

Well, that went down like a lead balloon.

.().().().

About two hours later when it was nearing half past eight, Rhett was snapped out of his work reverie by Link sneakily appearing in his doorway and lingering there until Rhett felt eyes drilling holes in the back of his head.

He rotated slowly in his chair, turning to face his friend, “Link?”

“Am I a bad hugger?” he asked, one arm creating a triangle between his head and the doorframe.

Rhett closed his eyes and rubbed the sleepy dust that was forming there, “What?”

“Am I a bad hugger?” Link repeated, straightening up as he crossed his arms.

No. No, I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t think we hug enough for me to have an opinion -”

“- Okay, let’s hug right now,” Link shook out his arms as though he were stretching before a fight.

Rhett held up a hand in the universal ‘wait’ motion, biting back a yawn as he questioned his friend, “What? Link, what is this about?”

“I wanna know if I am a bad hugger in your eyes or not. So, get your butt over here and hug me.” Link beckoned him over with widening eyes, like he would a disobedient Jasper.

Yup, it was weird now, but Rhett got up from his chair and walked over to Link anyway, “Alright.”

Rhett stood before Link awkwardly, both hesitant to initiate the embrace.

“Well?” Rhett prompted, wanting to get this over with soon rather than later.

Link made a half-hearted noise of affirmation before tentatively stepping forward, his arms bent at the elbow reaching out to Rhett. Rhett brought his arms raised up like chicken wings and wrapped them around Link’s back.

Usually, when they hugged it was a quick one-armed pat situation, or a side hug. Rarely did they walk into the other’s embrace to the point where the stomachs could touch. Nowadays, that kind of hug only really happened if it was necessary for some skit they were doing for TikTok, ergo Link had forgotten how to comfortably lean into this type of hug.

Instead of his usual back pat touch, something he didn’t want to inspect too much possessed him to gradually glide his hands up Rhett’s back until they found a comfortable resting spot. Both men chose not to note the strangeness of this action, or the full body shiver it elicited from Rhett and instead stood quietly, listening to each other’s breathing.

One of the things Link had always found intense about the full body hug with Rhett specifically was that he was perfectly aligned to hear his heartbeat. If asked why that bothered him so, he would answer “because it reminds of his pumping blood and then I get nauseous” but he knew that wasn’t the true reason.

To avoid the heartbeat issue, Link would often raise onto his tiptoes so that he could lean on Rhett’s shoulder but Rhett hadn’t bent his back like he normally did and thus Link was forced to press his cheek against Rhett’s chest. The thump of Rhett’s heart was simultaneously grounding and dizzying. Not before long was Link disentangling from the taller man, hands finding their way back to his hips as he reinstated his question, “So, am I a bad hugger?”

“You’re fine Link. Honestly, it’s more comfortable for me to hug taller folks anyway then I don’t have to worry bout bending too much. It’s…nice.”

This was so bizarre, they rarely sincerely evaluated each other’s ability to comfort another especially physically. Not a lot of friends did to be honest, unless they were teasing or joking around but this was almost too serious Rhett wanted to laugh from the dramatics of it.

“Alright then. So that means I can be your big spoon.” It was less of a question and more of a statement of fact, but Rhett couldn’t say he was surprised that Link was just declaring things now.

He shook his head, a fond smile on his face he made no attempt to conceal, “Um, what are you talkin’ about?”

“If I ain’t a bad hugger, I can be your big spoon when you’re…wanting to be held and you won’t have to spend however much money you were gonna spend on this dude,” Link reasoned, as if it was the most obvious conclusion he could come to after hugging Rhett.

Rhett laughed, “Link, you’re not a bad hugger but he’s a professional cuddler. There’s a reason why this is a service people pay for.”

“So, I just need practice. Come on. What exactly is he doing that’s worth all that money? Come on, show me – I bet I can do it better.” While Rhett was pouting, trying to figure out what to say to put a stop to this whole thing, Link had grabbed him by the wrist and was waking them back to the living room where he left Rhett and promptly sat on the couch.

He patted the spot next to him. “It’s cuddling right? So, do you sit and do it? We were always on a bed when Jean was showing us those positions. I could get the blow up out -”

“- No!” This is weird enough.

“Okay, couch is fine then.” Link patted the cushion next to him again and the Friday fatigue ushered Rhett to sit beside the smaller man, despite the plentiful protestations his brain had at the ready.

“So…how do you start?”

Rhett blew a puff of air from his lips, “I guess, typically we’ll just sit next to each other first and it’s kinda like your personal space rule; we’ll be touching so that our legs are against each other, usually our arms are touching too, and we’ll just chat about our day.”

“Okay.” Link nodded; their legs often touched at the knee when they sat by each other at the desk so he wasn’t it unfamiliar territory. He shuffled closer to Rhett so that their thighs were also touching and let his arm press against Rhett’s bicep.

“So…how was your day?” Rhett was up like a shot, shaking his head as he turned to face Link.

“No. Link, I don’t wanna do this weird roleplay with you- ”

Link frowned at him, “- It’s not roleplay, I’m trying to solve this financial predicament you’re in- ”

“- It’s not a predicament if it’s something I want and am choosing to pay for.” Rhett had a point, but Link wasn’t hearing it.

“But you don’t have to Rhett. It’s a waste. Plus, I am right here.” For some reason, neither man knew why but the last thing Link said seemed to carry more weight for both of them. It felt like a plea more than a statement of fact that he’d presented Rhett with before.

“Just…just lay with me. Let me be the big spoon. If that’s the main reason you’re with this Frank guy- ”

“- Freddie.”

“Whatever. Then maybe it would be cheaper to just use me.”

The energy in the room was shifting, Rhett could feel it, but it didn’t deter him the way he thought it would.

Without waiting for a response from Rhett, Link moved to lay back against the leather sofa on his side, patting the very thin space beside him as he stared out across the room.

Rhett tried not to look at the slither of skin that was now peeking out under Link’s white worn tee but failed. He shook his head, “I’m too big for both of us to fit.”

“Then you’ll have to get close,” Link replied smoothly, still avoiding Rhett’s gaze as he tried to hold in his stomach as if he could make more room for Rhett by doing so.

Rhett knew this wouldn’t be comfortable but sat down on the sofa anyway, lingering there for a moment in case Link changed his mind but he just kept waiting.

Like a man with brittle bones, Rhett gently lowered himself onto his left side, his legs awkwardly dangling off the couch that couldn’t accommodate his full height.

For a minute or three, the two friends laid beside one another, both holding tension in their torsos that refused to relax as they tried and failed to avoid connecting at the pelvis.

Link tentatively reached out his right hand to leisurely stroke up and down Rhett’s shoulder and upper arm, “You need to relax, Rhett.” His whispered words caused goosebumps to appear at the back of Rhett’s neck.

Rhett closed his eyes, knowing that had helped him when he started his sessions with Freddie.

Link tutted, raising his head to assess Rhett’s position, “You’re half off the couch, get closer.” The temporarily taller man pulled Rhett in by the hip so his butt was now flush with Link’s front. There was a sharp intake of breath from both men that they once again chose to ignore.

Rhett stiffened momentarily, his eyes flying open as he fought the desire to pull away or laugh or say something stupid to diffuse the tension.

When he felt Link’s head move forward to rest against the back of his own, some of that tension fell away. Link resumed his ministrations on Rhett’s arm, hoping it was soothing as intended.

The feather-light touch of Link’s fingertips on his arm made the sensation somewhat ticklish but Rhett didn’t mind. When Link started drawing figure of eights, it began to feel less ticklish and more comforting.

“Is this okay?” Another whisper wrapped itself into Rhett’s curls.

Rhett shut his eyes again, “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

He couldn’t actually feel it, but Rhett was almost certain Link smiled into his hair and pressed his chest even closer to Rhett’s back although they were practically fused already.

Eventually, Link’s hand stopped moving and a soft snore indicated he had fallen asleep but his hand remained on Rhett’s arm and the warmth of his body spread along Rhett’s until he was sufficiently toasty. His front was getting cold in comparison, so Rhett did the logical thing.

As carefully as he could manage, Rhett rotated to face Link, having to bring his legs up and weave them between Link’s to get comfortable. Though he and Link had attempted the human braid position before, it wasn’t one he’d practiced with Freddie and in retrospect, he was glad of that.

It felt nice knowing this was just something he and Link had. He placed his left arm on Link’s hip and began rubbing his thumb there ever so slightly, distracting himself with the gentle action. Rhett looked up at Link’s face, his mouth was yet to fall open like it did but his glasses were at an odd angle. Rhett raised up onto his elbow so he could remove Link’s specs with his right hand, and he laid back down, not knowing what to do with his free arm that wasn’t lightly caressing Link’s hip.

He couldn’t tell you why, everything was already so intimate, but he took Link’s right hand in his own and closed his eyes before he could find out if the movement had stirred Link from his slumber. It didn’t. But a sleepy smile appeared on Link’s face to match Rhett’s aura of soft contentment. Link squeezed his fingers in Rhett��s hold, and the two slept peacefully until dawn.

Being the little spoon had never been so…lovely; Rhett would definitely be requiring Link’s services again but thankfully, out of the goodness of Link’s heart, he promised not to charge him a penny.

Maybe, it was a win-win after all.

[randomthefox]

Thinking about vore games. And how most of them suck and definitely aren't made For Me x3

Prey protagonist stories honestly strike me as being incredibly unsuited to a good video game to be honest x3 I can't really think of how vore would be incentivized as a prey protagonist in a typical RPG type set up beyond being used for healing points as inns or fast travel spots

But my Bento Boys concept would work for a game scenario set up though 👀

Keeping it focused in like, one city with little auxilary adventures outside of it

Would make the fail state vore scenes really anticlimactic and limp dick and unsatisfying, and the successful vore scenes have all the horny effort out into it xD Cuz that's how vore games SHOULD be handled x3 As anyone with basic game design experience would naturally realize Why the fuck is the bulk of the dev resources being put into a fail state that players should be avoiding? Actually playing the game properly and progressing becomes a chore they want to get through and not engage with as much as possible

turn based battles would probably be the easiest system to use for it maybe a rock paper scissors idea for the base of it, where there's like four different options for interactions and two of them are effective and two would be ineffective, and which ones are which depends on something with the preds animations or attack behaviors to clue you in on which to do could be like "scold" "flirt" "engage with" and "disengage with". Scold and flirt are dialog based, engage with is physically interacting with the pred like giving him belly rubs, disengage with is the opposite like deftly avoiding his grabby hands. So if he's being all " D=< " then scolding or disengaging with him would be the most effective way of calming him down, but if he's all " >=/ " then flirting or engaging with him would be the most effective.

If the fight ends with the pred still being a rowdy jerk then the Bento boy gets crammed into his belly and is all " =/ well that didn't go well" and it just fades to black and then it fades back in with them being belched out, and either having the option to retry the fight or give up on it If the fight ends with the pred being sufficently calmed down it's a nice extensive immaculately written noms scene that gets added to a gallery lol those would be the encounters with rowdy hangry preds who are causing a fuss >3>

there'd be other preds who are just chilling but are more melancholy hungry, and eating a Bento Boy will cheer them up but maybe they have a flavor preference so getting a proper condiment topping to season yourself with before being fed to them will be even better and make them enjoy the meal even more~ and giving slightly different scenes as a result, the one the pred enjoys it more being the more in depth one again to encourage actually engaging with the systems x3

the more hunger you satisfy the more Bento EXP you get to level up and that would have benefits =o of some type

maybe top down view like Harvest Moon/Stardew Valley for exploring the city and interacting with people, and it shifts to a 2D view for battles maybe. Actually that's basically Earthbound then lol. That first person Dragon Quest/Earthbound/Undertale style of battle screen. Undertale especially since that game obviously had a lot of different options for engaging with different enemies nonviolently. Plus, has the pred center stage so you can see expression changes

Stardew Valley is also a good basis for comparison because I do like that games, like. Aimlessness lol like there's Events that happen but it's very slice of life which is definitely my preference x3

Just going around a central location of a city that you can eventually and occasionally explore outside of for certain events or encounters. But mostly just going around and about a city encountering hungry preds who need a tasty boy to settle themselves down, with different like shop points or maybe even mini game locations you can visit and different NPC characters you can interact with and get to know for those dating sim type relationship build ups. Ect.

[acrimoniousandrew]

Long Vent

There is literally nothing worse than grieving a friendship that should have never happened in the first place. How did we even start becoming friends, like. I really don’t know. I remember we first started talking in 6th or 7th grade because of our shared interest of music. Being in band together and all that stuff. 7th grade flew by me: it was an awful year, one of the first ones that I experienced being completely friendless. At least by the end of the year. Once 8th grade hit, we were all friends again. Especially the two of us. Yeah, I started hanging out with other people, but it wasn’t like she was available all the time. She had responsibilities and was in other activities. Freshman year she decided to join the marching band with me (I had already been doing it for a number of years, and I had been involved when the marching band program at our high and middle school started). We did so much together. We laughed, cried, shared memories. Started hanging out together outside of school and band stuff– coffee runs, late night pool adventures, and then driving around for hours in the early hours of the morning. We were inseparable for a while. 

High school came and went and we slowly drifted apart over time because she found newer, better friends than me. They drove together to away football games that the band was required to be at, they hung out together outside of school. I had friends other than her, but none of them were really involved in the marching band or anything. Junior year of high school my world collapsed again. Despite everything that happened that ripped most of our friend group apart (from me at least), she stuck by me. She– or so I thought– cared about me. 

We ended up moving in together our freshman semester. I was well into my relationship with my current boyfriend (who was going to a community college for a semester) and she was well into her relationship with her underage boyfriend (she was 21 and he was 17). Things were mostly okay. She would ask me questions about her relationship and I would answer honestly. That was my downfall, I think. 

Second semester freshman year, my boyfriend would come from his room upstairs into the room that me and her shared, just to be able to sleep together for a night. When the morning came, he would be out of there– not bothering her, me, or anyone else on our floor. Eventually she breaks down with two of our other friends, saying that she can’t live with me anymore because my boyfriend keeps coming into our room. She leaves. I still don’t know exactly what was said or how or exactly to who. All I know is that this moment damaged our relationship forever. Because of this, I moved upstairs, living with my boyfriend in his private room. I do not speak to her much, but I do write her a note and apologize for everything, realizing my mistakes in this friendship, too.

Next semester, fall again. She is not at school. She is taking a gap semester because her boyfriend cheated on her, just like I said he probably would. Not much happened. I became closer and closer with two of the people that she told her problems with me to. I really respect them and look up to them; they seem to care. 

Christmas break, I talk on the phone nearly every day with one of the girls that my old friend had talked to. We were really close friends at this point. I was even living with her partner since the start of the fall semester, who had also become one of my close friends. 

Spring semester: Old friend comes back to college and is greeted with smiles, laughter, and she wants to retry with me. Perfect and great news for me. I never wanted to lose her in the first place. 

Then things really start sinking into place. The other people that I’d grown close to stop talking as much to me and more to her. I figure that this is probably because she was gone for a semester. We all hang out a lot. We all smoke and drink together. Things are going fantastic. 

The summer was an interesting time. I worked with my old friend at a pretzel place in the mall closest to where we went to high school. She got the job during the spring semester after talking on the phone with my boss. She seems to enjoy it. I enjoy it. We hang out together a pretty good bit: at work, outside of work, going to dinners with other coworkers, carpooling, late nights, etc. It was amazing. 

Next semester, fall yet again. I am working full time in Charlotte at the mall there, doing the same things I have done over the summer. I come back late most nights. Upon my arrival, the friend group that was once there dissipates– my friends go upstairs, my boyfriend to bed, and me, alone. My old friend rarely talks to me upon reuniting with the friend that I had grown close to. They start working together since the one I got close to over Christmas break is taking a gap semester because of financial reasons. This is all fine and well, and I only question it a little bit. But it does start to eat away at me, furiously.

I end up quitting my job because I cannot take the long days, the (seemingly) longer drive to get there, the no social life, the drinking every single night, etc. The list could go on and on for eternity. I needed out. I spend the rest of the small semester smoking weed every night, hoping to not run into anyone, honestly. Over the course of the fall semester, the amount of times a week/day I saw any of the people I consider my friends drops to about once a week if that. 

Over break, I helped my mom and my dad and my brother. My dad works at a job he hates, my mother is out of work because she snapped a tendon in her foot and had to have surgery. My brother does not do anything except lay in bed. I cry every night. I am a loser with no friends and I am literally 21. How does this happen to someone who had such a nice group of friends in high school until that all fell apart, too? 

Next semester, spring of 2024. It’s only really just started, I guess (we're like 2 or 3 weeks away from midterms and then spring break). I’ve talked to more people this semester than I have out of any of them since freshman year, except they’re all people I know, I guess– at least for the most part. I haven’t really done anything until this past week, the week before Valentine’s Day. I showed my old friend and her sister to my apartment (the old friend had already seen it, but I thought it would be neat for her sister to see). After that, all three of us went up to the other friends’ apartment, and we saw everyone. Everyone that I once considered a friend was in that room, but I knew I had to get going after just a little bit. The air of the living room was oppressive. I knew I wasn't wanted in there. I knew I had plans that night too, so I felt silly for even being up there when I should’ve been getting ready to see my other friends. I ended up seeing them. We don’t really hang out or talk much, and I am so scared that I made a horrible impression on them and they won’t ever want to talk or hang out with me again, even though it made me feel so much better. It was the first time we all really hung out late at night and drank together.

Every time I see one of her (the old friend's) reposts I get so sad. She reposts so much “my best friend” material on TikTok that it makes me feel nauseous, it makes my heart ache, it makes me angry. Because I know they're not about me. I should be the best friend that she’s posting about. I feel ridiculous but like??? Why would I not feel angry? We were so close. So close. But not now. I don’t know if I’ll ever really have friends. I won’t know why either. I assume it's just a character flaw in me. Maybe I was never meant to have friends and everyone I’ve ever been friends with just simply pitied me like a nearly dead dog on the side of the road. Maybe that’s all I am anyway. A nearly dead dog. I hate this life. 

Is it stupid to grieve over a friendship? Certainly not. Is it stupid to grieve over a friendship where you thought you were loved and valued to some extent but actually weren’t? Yes. But also at the same time, why wouldn’t it hurt? It hurts me, it makes me angry– fuck, everything does a little bit. I don’t know. 

Everyone I’ve ever loved has looked at me and felt disgust. 

[mi5014leiascott]

Sculptured And Painting

Sculpting wrap up:

So after finishing the face came the hardest part the body and required lots of retries. I once again tried my trusty tutorials from Tiny Robots Studios. It needed slight adjustments to what I was doing but came out in the end. But the most difficult of all was hands. The first pass was horrible because they were uncanny. Whenever I tried get them remade, the wrist were to small, the knuckles were flat and elbows were too curvy. So I ended up doing the hands differently by replacing the cylinder fingers with tubes. They were easier then trying reshape something rigid. After that was redone, I attached them to the arms. The arms were adjusted slightly because they were too long. However the results ended up being better then the last attempt and I was pretty happy. Next came clothing, I started off with shirt. I did a cylinder with a hole, placed over the model, and then re-meshed by by using the drag+move tool to make it fleshed against the body. Then tried adding wrinkles though did not translate well with design. Moved on the next thing which were the sleeves. Did the same method as before. The belts were used similar method as the others but required removing the arms temporarily see the rest. One of them required a mask to make the top of it being thinker then back to normal. The bottom belt was a pain because it needed be trimmed to square but came back with this weird thin/ none existent side view. The skirt also had the same issue in a way but that was later fixed and it replace. The fur was easy to do but unfortunately could not add the extra fur because it swallowed the other belt. It eventually it was all finished and ready for painting.

The paint and pain:

I knew on some level it would be difficult but didn't know how much. I tried grouping and doing it all in one go but it all needed individual treat meant. However I could just unwrap it, I had to wire frame and Decimate 29 pieces. The having to lessen wires to 50%-30% then unwrap those same pieces again another 29 times. But even after that, I had to refill the gaps in the hair and lips like five times. The skin needed to redone a couple of times because it very lifeless. Then came the bread, redone that once. The eyes I wanted to make look pretty ended up looking to much like a filter and Disney princess. But after everything, It finally to where I am happy for now.

[redpandaramblings]

Stardew Valley Bachelorette Kink Headcannons

OBVIOUSLY NSFW 18+ Minors DNI

Bachelors can be found here

Haley

First off, this bitch is a sub leaning switch.

She starts off as a bit of a pillow princess, but that would change as she discovers more things she likes and grows more confident.

Hucow. You know it. I know it. It’s really really freaking obvious. Hucow. Though she doesn’t like actual lactation, just pretend milkings.

Pet play. Prefers being the pet, but can go either way.

Humiliation. Receiving not giving.

Messy situations like mud wrestling.

50s housewife kink, where she’s the housewife.

French maid kink, giving or receiving.

Lingerie. Loves wearing it, loves when her partner wears its, loves showing it off.

One of her more unique ones is going commando really turns her on, especially when she’s wearing short skirts.

Sacrilege is another unusual one of hers. She fantasizes of having sex on the alter in the chapel a lot, though she’d never act on that one.

She thinks she’d love a threesome, but she wouldn’t.

Leah

This woman is a service top/ pleasure dom.

Very much enjoys any scenario where she can tease but spoil her partner.

She can and will make her partners orgasm til they cry.

Queen at aftercare.

Has been to BDSM clubs and orgies.

Has given demonstrations on safe bondage and rope techniques.

She’s up for trying most things at least once, with a few exceptions.

She absolutely hates anything to do with DD/LG. Calling her Mommy absolutely kills the mood for her.

Her favorite toy in the bedroom is the riding crop.

Enjoys pony play.

Has absolutely made art pieces that double as sex furnature.

She has tries making her own sex toys before with some success. It isn’t her favorite thing to create, but will do so when the mood strikes her.

Maru

Ah, Maru.

Maru would probably never think about getting into kink on her own. A partner or friend would have to introduce her to the idea.

That’s not to say that she doesn’t enjoy herself once she starts exploring.

Is very scientific about kink. Each new thing she tries by herself or with a partner is an “experiment.”

She’s more likely to retry kinks she didn’t initially like because she wants to make sure her results were accurate.

Ends up fascinated by and collecting various motorized toys. She enjoys using them on herself and others, as well as tinkering to improve them.

Makes an “insemination” fucking machine that pumps lube.

Is into cumflation

Is also into monsterfucking.

Will roleplay monsterfucking scenarios with her partner, and is fine being the monsterfucker of the “victim.”

Is the only Bachlorette into CNC.

If she’s single for too long after discovering kink, she will try to build herself a Werewolf fuckbot.

Emily

Is a switch.

Is a furry that’s into the kink side of furry. 100%. Makes spare money selling mursuits online. I can’t change the facts. (Important side note- A mursuit is a type of fursuit specifically designed for fucking in. Most fursuits are not mursuits, and it’s rude to ask and assume that. Furry hate is not welcome on this blog.)

Has a collection of bad dragon style dildos that she bought from small independent shops.

Had a quartz dildo when she was first getting into crystals. Now knows better, but keeps it around as a reminder to research before trying things.

Enjoys outdoor sex/nudity.

Would want to work through the Kama Sutra with her partners.

Isn’t into BDSM

Is into sensation play. Ice, silk, feathers, etc.

Likes to laugh in the bedroom.

Slight tickling kink.

Slight foot fetish.

Penny

You might think she’s a sub, but is actually a switch.

Having control taken away is very soothing to her.

But being 100% in charge gives her a bit of a euphoric rush. Which she prefers depends on how her day has gone.

Has a breeding kink, pregnancy kink, lactation kink, and even a birthing kink.

Fairly vanilla and hesitant around kink at first because she has some misconceptions that kink is wrong and bad.

But then she’ll have a few years of “former religious kid/responsible child freak out” where she goes overboard and is too deep into kink for about a 3 year timespan.

She absolutely had a kinda creepy online sugar daddy she sent pics to at some point.

Most likely to have a secret Only Fans.

Lingerie connoisseur.

Has a virginity/innocence kink, roleplaying “it’s my first time.”

Similarly, has a corruption kink.

Likes tentacles.

Reads a lot of erotica in her spare time.

Abigail

Oh Abigail.

At first thinks she’s super super kinky.

She’s not.

Has several instances of claiming she loves “X” kink only to get into a scene with a partner and safewording because fantasy and reality did not match up. Examples of this include knifeplay, blood kink, biting with intent of drawing blood, and a few other things.

It takes her a while to actually settle down and find stuff she likes instead of chasing after things she thinks sound cool.

She enjoys threesomes and group sex. As said in the Bachelors list, has played around with Seb and Sam.

She likes pegging her partners.

Has a degradation kink.

Is a switch. “Mean” when in a dom mood. Bratty when she’s a sub.

Likes piercings. Will eventually get her nipples and tongue pierced. Has done a corset piercing before as well.

Loves high sex.

Enjoys double penetration

Likes anal, giving and recieving. Has a collection of plugs.

Likes pet play and tail plugs.

Loves talking about breeding her partners, but any implication of her being bred turns her off completely.

[jiminrings]

why do i feel like even if tae is the one who's injured AND caught between stem koo and senior oc's tension, jungkook would STILL be the one who's crying

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

there's fINALLY some sort of peace and redemption between them

taehyung has never been indirectly involved in a palpable situation like this

the last time he was involved in anything remotely close to this, it had something to do with his field trip in second grade

whew god that was a rEALLY pressuring experience for him

it was a split vote to whether they should go to a strawberry field or a newly-opened futuristic kid-friendly interactive dinosaur museum SLASH theme park!!!!!!!

then taehyung picked the strawberry farm that was about 70% dirt

tae's put into a situation again and he doesn't know how to act lmao

"y'okay sweetheart? what's your relation to them?" the kind nurse that's obviously the maternal figure of the emergency ward asks him as she assesses him, a bit of a queue before he could get his leg patched up

he is beyond glad that she asked :D

tae's here to get his leg casted and entertain himself for the meantime!!! his fun isn't exactly correlated to that brooding fucking stem nerd's definition of it!!!

taehyung points to you directly, a cheeky grin on his face as you tilt your head in alert from your seat beside him

"she's my girlfriend!"

you chuckle at his playfulness and even the nurse does so with how proud he sounded, about to scribble it down on her clipboard when someone clearly sounds panicked about it

"she's not his girlfriend," jungkook rises from his slouched position on his seat, wide eyes fixated on the nurse as he shakes his head, trying to make her believe him

it isn't true!!!! that's misinformation!!! that's a crime!!!!

tae snaps his fingers, solemnly shaking his head

"right, my bad!! the two of us aren't in a relationship. actually, the three-..."

god oW

jungkook can't help but whack the back of taehyung's head, their boundary from being semi-strangers in your year you see like twice a day now crossing into semi-friends who aren't reserved with each other jUST because of kook's smack

that's a silent understanding, basically

tae smacks jungkook right back, only stopping on bickering when you intentionally clang your watch on the bedframe to spook them, exiting from the curtain so you could talk with the nurse

being caught in the middle of things cOULD really be fun!!! tae should get involved more often

"so tHIS is why you were outside y/n's dorm when i gave yoongi the cookies!!"

"... you know?"

kook freezes at the possibility that for some way he can't think of, taehyung somehow knows what happened between the two of you

was that why he just hAPPENED to drop by cookies when he was talking with yoongi??

yeah uhm not really

"no. i just know that yoongi hung you out to dry," he snorts because as he recalls it, jungkook looked as pale as a ghost

he didn't really plan to arrive at that time either!!! taehyung just wanted to knock on your door and hopefully drop you his treats then he'll be off his way

he didn't exactly expect to walk in on yoongi looking like he's gonna deck jungkook if only he hadn't yelled out his senior's name

see? it's like the universe just wants taehyung to be at the right places at the wrong times in order for them to eventually fall into place

okay he kinda did take a major L for having his ankle busted but that only means that you and jungkook (even if he doesn't know anything) better make up!!!

“is it bad that i wanted yoongi to punch me that time?” jungkook wonders out loud and he almost wishes he hadn’t, getting an immediate reaction of agreement

“i’ll fill in for him!!” tae half-jokes, getting yet another smack to his shoulder and at that rate, they’d be brothers by tomorrow lmao

“anyways,” he sighs as he leans back to his pillow, keeping his foot elevated. technically, this isn’t his business at all, but what could he do?? he’s sort-of-involved now and jungkook looks like he’s gonna cry out of all people, “you just want yoongi to deck you because that’d absolve you of your guilt.”

kook sighs at that, gripping his hair to keep himself from crying

“but i already know i’m guilty. not only with yoongi, but y/n especially!!”

he whistles at that, getting a mental image with your fists balled because he’s hung around enough practices to photograph all of you for the school paper, knowing that you dO pack a lot of power

“so them decking you is the only way you would feel guiltless?”

jungkook shifts at that, murmuring his answer to the question he’s got thrown

“w-well getting my apology accepted by them would be much appreciated.”

taehyung practically spoon-feeds the answer jungkook need to hear, shrugging carelessly as he watches the boy’s turmoil

god what does he dO?? this is his first interaction with you ever since the incident and he doesn’t know how to act

of all places and scenarios, it just hAD to be in the hospital because stoopid taehyung here decided to run to you while in the rain

as if on cue do you return to the curtained area with a nurse, forms between your fingers

“time to get your x-ray done, tae,” you almost sing-song to him in cheer, being relieved that things were picking up faster than you intended it to

you pat him on the head in an attempt at affection, oblivious to the curious glances that jungkook gives you while he assists the nurse in transferring taehyung to the wheelchair

it’s not until the curtain closes again and taehyung’s gone that you move, hand outstretched to give something to jungkook

.... which is just his share of taehyung’s forms that he needed to fill out so you could get on faster

the two of you are sitting beside each other, chairs close but not exactly close, clipboard in hand and taehyung’s phone at the middle edge of the hospital bed so you could copy his information

jungkook kNOWS he should be focusing on writing tae’s blood type right now, but the spur of the moment nudges him on entirely

"i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry."

he squeaks and he has to breathe out after that

well there it goes :-)

you knew that the day wouldn’t have finished without jungkook’s input, having avoided him long enough that you didn’t know what to feel

were you expecting an apology from him??? uhm not exactly

are you commending him for apologizing??? not at all!! thanking someone for apologizing over what they’ve done to you in the first place is just a new low

“i know i can’t take back what i said now, but i truly didn’t mean it. i-i was just so confused but — b-but i’m not making excuses!! what i did was beyond shitty of me.”

oh hold on a second

that’s the first time you heard jungkook cuss

you wring your hands as you try to absorb his apology as much as possible without feeling awkward

ok you’re not as good for tHIS type of confrontation

it’s not the first time you’ve been wronged but this is perhaps the first time someone owned up to their wrong and apologize for it face-to-face

,,,,,, and not just because yoongi gave them a piece of his mind

yoongi likes fighting battles for you at times, even if you don’t necessarily ask him to

you appreciate it, but you kNOW he did not get jungkook off the hook so easily!!!!

you honestly thought that with his temper, he would’ve punched jungkook even if it was gonna make you mad

“it’s totally up to you if you don’t want to forgive me, b-but i figured i could die trying, y’know? you can reject me a couple hundred times and i’ll retry a couple thousand.”

jungkook adds and it makes the corner of your mouth raise in the tiniest most miniscule way

he knows that not only does he need to apologize with words, he also nEEDS to make it up to you with his actions!!! that’s why he plans on-

you pause your writing on the form, the act of you doing so making him freeze all the same as you try to carry on with speaking as inaudible as possible

"well you know now. i like you, that was my fault," you offer in response to his apology, coughing when you realize your mistake. "i liked you, i mean."

ok he deserved that

jungkook knows you probably figured out the hyeji situation already through yoongi, cutting his explanations down because you don’t even wanna hear her name

was it the truth? do you really not like jungkook anymore?

....

......

.........

you simmer in the own silence you’ve created, only being broken when jungkook shyly murmurs

"can't you like me some more?"

you snort at what seemed to be his playful suggestion, chuckling to yourself

jungkook was only hALF-kidding and he bows his head in embarrassment over your reaction, the pen in his hand feeling extremely light with how his hand’s trembling

you resume your writing wordlessly, not even daring to look at your right because jungkook’s trying to make himself as small as possible too

the words are just dying to fall out from his mouth, an unhinged trap he could no longer regulate when it comes to you

"you're loveable. extremely loveable."

jungkook says out of nowhere and you falter at writing taehyung’s supposed food allergies, a quiet curiosity to your words

"how would you know that?"

there’s no thought process behind it as he speaks surely this time, only taking the slightest bit of courage to look at you from the corner of his eye

"because it's you."

,,,,,

HOW are you supposed to react to that,,,

the curtains peek open and a grinning taehyung on a wheelchair estatically waves his hand

you and jungkook split from each other even if you haven’t been that close enough immediately, thankful for the welcome interruption

tae outstretches his arms for you to hoist him up the bed and you agree instantly, oblivious to the fact that he’s sticking his tongue out to jungkook who’s giving him a mean glare for his playfulness

his x-rays are all finished and he’s just waiting for the doc to come and interpret them (even if it’s beyond obvious that his ankle’s broken!!!!) so he could get on with wrapping his leg with a cast

jungkook takes this as a chance to rise up from his seat, snatching the opportunities he can within the timeframe

"what do you guys want from the cafeteria?"

tae beams at that, grateful because fINALLY someone’s asked him

"ooh!! i want-"

"what would you like, y/n?"

jungkook continues as he effectively interrupts taehyung who’s squinting and looks beyond offended ay the moment

his motive is buying <3 you <3 dinner!! not mr. ankle-breaker over here

you catch on to what he’s trying to do immediately, rolling your eyes with a hint of amusement when you plop back to your chair

“i'll have what taehyung wants.”

huh....

so he has no choice then but to ask,.,.,

jungkook clears his throat, his lips curved to a smile but his eyes looking the furthest thing from friendly

"what would you like,,,, taehyung?"

the boy pretend to be deep in thought just to waste kook’s time even more, even throwing in the humming to sell the idea

he’s been humming for half a minute now

“pasta. i want pasta. like, the most expensive pasta they have,” he nods at the amazement he has for himself, sneaking a look to a narrow-eyed jungkook

“c’mon, kook. think about y/n. she’s getting what i’m getting!!”

jungkook’s eyes instantly become brighter, realization sweeping over his features as he tries to hurry because you might be hungry at this point

“right, of course!! i’ll even get dessert :D”

well wasn’t tHAT easy hee-hee

hey maybe getting your ankle busted does lead to better things!!!

jungkook’s never been more excited to pay for overpriced pasta in cash (!!!) and carry up multiple paper bags of food and drinks on the stairs because the elevator’s taking too long

he’s only slightly confused when he walks to your spot that taehyung wasn’t there, even kinda being relieved actually

tae was whisked away for the second and final time to have his leg wrapped up, leaving you and jungkook alone once again

“that looks expensive.”

you remark the moment you see the fancy paper bags, bringing your wallet out to atleast take out a few bills that you think would cover the cost for this hospital dinner

jungkook incessantly shakes his head no, instead making you sit in place so he could turn the area to be a cozy dinner place as best as he could

"i mean it. i'm gonna make it up to you, i swear."

he speaks sometime in the middle of your silent meal, waiting for the time that it’d feel more sincere and not a little forced

ya know he didn’t want to make it seem that buying overpriced dinners correspond to him making it up to you!!!!

"i know."

you answer truthfully because you might have saw this coming, knowing in the back of your head that you wouldn’t put put it past jungkook to be sincere

you hear a noise of surprise when you reply, jungkook immediately putting his hand inside the pocket of his hoodie to fish out something

“your eyedrops, by the way. i meant to give it back to you earlier.”

your eyes skim on the dainty-looking handmade origami box on jungkook’s palm, a fond look he could atleast distinguish

you take it from him nonetheless, unaware at the multiple layers you have yet to know inside said box

“i can always buy a new one.”

he shakes his head at that, scrunching his nose as he mindlessly pokes at the chicken

he thinks back to what he put inside that might’ve been the reason why he didn’t just buy you a new stock in the first place

“i like giving back.”

giving back as in returing feelings too or whatever maybe!!!!! just maybe

he waves you off when you thank him for giving it back, his next words becoming a little weighted on your mind

"open it up when you feel like it. it's up to you."

that was that then

okay maybe not

you’re almost finished with your dinner and you know that you’re about to come home anyway, getting a text from tae that he’s done being wrapped up and is just waiting for his reminders now

why not say what you want to anyway??

"thank you for the lunchbox yesterday, by the way."

jungkook’s the one who’s caught off-guard this time, choking on his rice briefly before questioning you wITHOUT looking pathetic

"h-how did you know it was me??"

your hand only skims to the right of him, having to slightly lean against him to get what you need

it’s tae's record that jungkook had to fill up

you’ve just realized it a little while ago when jungkook was downstairs buying from the cafeteria, the distinct way of how he writes his A’s and curves his Y’s being embedded into your mind

:)

"because it's you."

[sh1tbird-shantytown]

You’re Dead, Hargrove

on ao3 also 

Steve had cried when Billy had fallen. Had sobbed as he stood helplessly by Robin’s side while one minute Billy had been caressed by El’s hand and the next he was seemingly dead on the ground. Steve had collapsed to his knees and Robin had almost stumbled to join him. He’d gone back to his vacant home again eventually. He’d finally accepted it and he’d gotten a job. Tried to forget about everything for a while even if he knew he’d never forget it. The monsters, the screams, Billy’s lifeless crystal pools before Max herself closed her own brothers eyes. Then, a month later, he’d gotten a call with the yell of Max’s voice. 

“He’s alive!” she yelled into his ear. And then in a whisper with a rage he couldn’t quite describe, “He’s fucking alive!”

“Who?” Steve asked, only a little confused. He had a hunch. 

“Billy! He’s alive!” Steve froze up, shoulders locked and eyes unblinking. “He’s in the hospital. Has been. Apparently he was just transferred back. They called the house and asked for Neil but he wasn’t here. So they told me instead. I may have yelled at them a little. But he’s at the hospital and no one else would probably take me right now. So, can you come get me?”

Steve took a moment to catch up and Max seemingly allowed it, “I— yeah, yeah. I’ll be there in a few,” he agreed. She thanked him and hung up her end of the line. 

He stood there clutching the plastic yellow kitchen telephone for a moment though. He’d hoped. He had laid awake for hours and hours with the dwindling hope that there was any chance. He knew Max had too, had called him a few nights when the house got too quiet. And the room across from hers held too many shadows. 

They’d never had a funeral. Neil Hargrove didn’t want to waste money on a casket. He’d taken that as a sign. Because funerals were a send away to the deceased right? Without one there was a bit of a halt in flow. Now, it was a lot of Neil Hargrove not wanting to waste money and the fact that the government supposedly didn’t want to give back the body. But still, Steve kept going with the coals of Billy’s survival. He was so relieved now that his limbs lost function with the way excitement rumbled in his bones. 

On his way to the Hargrove-Mayfield residence he thought to himself more. He knew that Billy would be different. After that? Steve wasn’t that naive to not think of these things. But he wanted to get along with Billy. He wasn’t going to miss this second chance. They’d both messed it up the last time. But maybe they’d be able to start something of a friendship. Call it a guess that Billy might not have many of those. 

Max brought a bright blue backpack with her when she tossed herself in the passenger seat, “Hey! So,” she buckled when he simply pointed at it over her shoulder and put the gear in reverse. “So,” she started again, “I kinda haven’t told anyone else. But I will once I see how he is,” she spoke unsurely of herself. He smiled kindly and she relaxed into the seat a little. 

“That’s a good idea, Mad Max,” he nodded as he tried to keep his jittery hands straight on the steering wheel. “We should make sure he’s better prepared for visitors. I think just us going in for now is fine. We shouldn’t bombard him.”

“Right,” she agreed, “That’s what I was thinking.” He glanced over and saw the biggest smile he thought he’d ever seen on her. He removed one shaky hand and put a fist out midair. She stared a moment and then pressed her own wobbling fist against his own. They shared a bubbly laugh while they could. 

...

Well, the room wasn’t warm. Neither was Billy by the looks of the goosebumps on his arms. But his face was pink and healthier than the last time they’d seen him. Max stood ahead of him in the doorway. All three of them had a sort of staring match. 

Until Steve spoke, that is, “Hey, Billy,” it came out as more of a whisper as he waved at the man choppily. But Billy looked at him tearily and smiled. 

“Hey, Harrington,” he looked back at his sister, “Maxine. It’s good to see ya.” His voice sounded dry and a little cracked in a few places. Like aged porcelain. He looked a bit like it too. He had thin scars that sprouted all over his skin. White and pink pale wisps that peaked out of the thin white T-shirt. There were black and blue threads that held some of the longer cuts. His hair was buzzed but it had grown to about an inch sized fuzz around his skull. 

Max rushed forward and halted right beside his bedside, “Can I hug you? Please?” her knees bent a little at the final request. Billy’s eyes were wide and reflective as he nodded. She threw her arms open but moved slowly. They clung to each other and ‘I’m sorry’s’ were tossed back and forth relentlessly. Repeated over and over again by both of them. They stayed huddled on the edge of the bed so Steve allowed himself in with silent steps. He hovered in the middle space of the doorway and the end of Billy’s hospital bed as he stared out the window respectively letting them have their reunion.

“So, Harrington,” he heard suddenly, “What’s been up since I left?” Steve looked at the two again. Max sat in the empty and partially dusty chair closest to Billy’s bedside. Her hair brightened in the sunlight that peaked through the mostly opened blinds. Billy had a pleased smile when Steve looked at him. And then he noticed the little dots contrasted against Billy’s paled skin. 

“I never realized you had freckles,” Steve answered instead. Then he jolted a little at the realization that he’d said it out loud. “I mean, cause, you know, they look...nice,” he stuttered. “They’re a good look.”

Billy smirked at his dumbfounded fumbling, “Thanks, Harrington.” His own pink ears didn’t go unnoticed. 

Steve sighed in relief silently and nodded, “Steve. You can call me Steve.”

Billy tilted his head much like an innocent bird, “Alright, Steve,” he said casually. “Missed you too,” he added after a blank moment. 

Steve eyebrows came together in his confusion, “Really?”

Billy grinned a little dopily, “Yeah.”

The room grew warmer. 

...

Steve hadn’t expected the drastic change. Sure, Billy still made his sarcastic comments and jokes. But, they were produced with a foreign sort of care. Steve found himself a little dumbfounded a couple times when Billy called him nicknames with no joking aim to his voice. 

“What’s this, Princess?” he asked when Steve handed over a folded brown paper bag. Something began to boil in Steve’s tummy and chest. 

“A puzzle,” he answered, “300 pieces,” he smiled widely. Billy raised one eyebrow and opened the bag noisily. He pulled out the box and admired the picture. It was something out of a calendar, the lineup of top model muscle cars. Silvers and golds and blues and reds and greens. “I just thought it looked cool,” Steve shrugged. He truly, definitely, absolutely hadn’t noticed the Camaro right dab in the middle. Nope. 

Billy chuckled and set it in his lap, “Well thanks,” he smiled toothily. “Welcome back, have a seat,” he gestured to the seat that Max had sat in the last time they had visited. 

Steve nodded and did as requested, “Max had homework to do so she told me to come visit alone. Hope that’s okay,” he gripped the arms of the chair and slid it so he could face Billy better. 

Something fell from Billy’s expression, eyes turned down in disappointment, “You didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to. I’d prefer you to actually want to be here instead, actually.” Blatant honesty was another thing Billy had taken up, or maybe he just enhanced it with all the help from the therapist that came in on Wednesday’s.  

Steve crossed his legs and kept his hands around the arm rests with furrowed brows, “What are you talking about? I was already coming, she just couldn’t make it this time around. I want to be here, Bill. Kinda want to retry the whole friend thing if you don’t mind actually,” he looked off to Billy’s shoulder. 

Billy looked surprised at that, “Wait,” he lifted his arms a little, “You want to be friends with me?” he asked. 

Steve looked back at him and smiled, “Well yeah,” he tuned, “I think we could both use a buddy.” He flapped his ebows out a little as if to nudge him goofily. 

Billy’s lips twisted, “I will not be referred to as a ‘buddy’ thank you very much,” he grumbled. 

Steve only laughed as he wrapped an arm wound himself comfortably and leaned back, “Yeah, yeah.” 

Billy opened his mouth and then closed it again before looking at Steve and opening it again, “I had my third session with Dr. Eros today.” The therapist. 

Steve looked on interestedly, “How’d it go?”

Billy relaxed more in himself, “we talked about you actually.”

Something fluttered in his abdomen nervously, “Me?”

Billy nodded, “He said,” Billy looked down and then back up again, “And I agreed, that I should apologize for how I treated you.” He seemed to be struggling for words so Steve silently let him find his footing. “You just wanted to finish high school and I just assumed you were a sucky person because of all the bullshit Tommy Hagan cranked out.”

“You know, I already forgive you,” Steve assured. Although, Billy didn’t look any bit assured at all.

“No, Steve,” he sat up and swiveled around to his feet dangled off and he could look directly at him, “You don’t need to say that. I was bad. I was,” he grew teary, “I pushed everyone good away. Anyone that was nice to me and that was horrible. So, for me, if you really do forgive me. Help remind me that I can’t push you away. You can’t forgive me that easily. That’s not how it works.”

“Seems to me that you’ve ingrained that into your own head just fine by now,” Steve smiled forlornly. 

Billy pressed his lips together, “Please, I need something earned.” Steve watched as Billy slowly got up to his feet and traveled over to the chair beside him.

“Alright, Bill, whatever you wish.”

Billy nodded determinedly, brows creased, “Thank you.” 

“Now let’s get to that puzzle,” he untangled himself and leaned forward. “I suck at them so hopefully you’ll be a bit better.” Billy snorted quietly and Steve found himself gazing and stupefied by the surprisingly adorable sound. Steve took the box to distract himself by opening it. 

“My reflexes and muscle endurance is still shit,” Billy watched Steve’s hands. “But I’ll try, Pretty Boy.” He called Steve that the most. 

They worked on the puzzle for three hours. They got distracted multiple times and had to stop when a nurse wandered in occasionally to check vitals and blood pressure or give Billy his food. They had finished and cheered half heartedly to celebrate when Billy laid back in his mattress with a long sigh. A content one. 

“Man, you know what I could really use?” he asked with his eyes closed and his long eyelashes shadowing his cheeks. 

“What’s that?” Steve stretched his back and shoulders. 

Billy stayed still, “A smoothie.”

Steve lowered his arms and stared at Billy’s, for once, peaceful face, “Really?”

Billy nodded, “Hell yeah. I love them, I do miss the Orange Julius’ they had in Cali.”

Steve shook his head, “There’s one in just the next county over,” he disagreed, “Oh, and there’s a smoothie bar that just opened actually,” he added offhandedly. He didn’t mention the one in the mall. 

Billy chuckled in a sarcastic manner, “Some people don’t like it when you’re trying to be happy, Steve.”

Steve leaned forward again to focus, “What do you mean by that?”

Billy simply opened one eye and said, “You gonna go get me a smoothie or what? Maybe it’ll be easier to down than the flavorless burgers they have here.” 

Steve shook his head, “I doubt that.” But he gave Billy a considerate hug goodbye anyway. 

...

Steve had only been gone forty minutes. But apparently that was enough time for Neil Hargrove to finally hear about his son’s arrangement in the hospital. Why Max had insisted that he didn’t know was beyond Steve’s knowledge. But he also knew that Max was smart and most likely had her good reasons. So when he heard from the nurse that he had arrived and was in the room with Billy, he ran. Ignoring her requests to slow down and not bringing the smoothies into the room. The door hit the wall when it opened and he had to act fast to keep the smoothies from tipping over and onto the floor. 

He hadn’t even had time to look up when he heard, “Oh!” and a harsh laugh. “That's why you kept looking at the door instead of at me? Thought someone was coming to save you from this?” The man sounded dangerous but Steve almost laughed when he looked up. The handlebar mustache and rectangular face. He wasn’t surprised. The man looked like the type and Steve had his own expertise when it came to reading people. Billy’s glassy and unemotional eyes were what really made the difference though. Billy had started to portray his emotions, now they were all blocked off. It was scary.

“Shut up and get away from him.” Steve hadn’t even realized he said it. But he did feel the adrenaline rush that came with the disastrous rage that surfaced. Neil’s face morphed from cruel amusement to fury in just one second. Billy’s transformed to horror. Steve felt his stomach twist but he gathered enough of a hold to offer a shaky smile to the familiar blue eyes. 

“Steve—“

“You have some nerve to speak to me that way,” Neil spoke quietly. Steve wavered for only a moment. He had faced worse monsters than the senior Hargrove. Hell, he’d faced one Hargrove already. Of course, he still wished he had his bat or Max in this round too. 

“I have more reason than nerve,” Steve spouted back and relaxed his shoulders forcefully. 

Neil looked out the door and when Steve blinked he was faced with a smiling man, “Why don’t we speak outside, boy?”

“No— Da— Sir,” Billy shifted in his spot but Steve had already turned on his heel after setting the drink tray down on an empty seat. Neil Hargrove’s footsteps followed him all the way outside and even to his car. When he heard the tempo of them speed up he ran again. Opened his trunk and took out the bat. 

“What the fuck is that?” the man roared. Steve disregarded him and gripped the hilt just like he did when he was preparing himself for a demodog. The parking lot wasn’t very empty but there was space and no one out to witness firsthand what was about to happen. 

Steve taunted the bat and held it low, “You come near me?” He nodded to the blood rusted nailed bat, “You get hit.” Neil looked frightened before he shifted to unbothered. There was a glint in his eyes. Something broken between scared and doubtful. 

“You don’t have the guts, kid,” he spoke. Steve already assumed that Neil wouldn’t be one to back down from a fight; too egotistical. 

“Oh yeah?” Steve waved the bat back and forth like a golfer before taking a swing. He made easy eye contact with the tense man, “Try me.” Neil took a step back and straightened his posture. Steve was still taller. 

“What do you want?” he asked. “Want me to stop bullying my pathetic son, eh?” he perceived unconcern. 

“Almost spot on,” Steve smiled wickedly and tightened his hold as his anger and annoyance grew uncontainable, “I want you to fuck off.” He stepped closer when Neil opened his mouth, “I have connections in this town. And I have ways to take you out in just a measly hour at any given notice. So, you leave him alone or you leave this town. Because if I see a hair out of place on him by your hand?” They were nose to nose and the tip of the closest nails were poking Neil’s chest stingingly. “You’re dead, Hargrove.” He pushed the man back with a force that made him hiss in pain when the nails dug in. Steve smiled unkindly and backed away slowly until Neil took the hint. 

Max arrived with Susan not too long after Steve had returned to Billy. He’d calmed Billy down as much as possible and then shoved a lukewarm blueberry and vanilla smoothie into his palm to cease the questions. 

Steve stayed silent through any inquisitives for most of his visit. 

...

“Max said Neil left town,” Billy opened with when Steve walked through the doorway. 

“Ran off where?” Steve asked without looking. He removed his backpack and sat in the accustomed chair as he unzipped it. 

Billy sounded on edge and relieved all at once, “No one knows, but he left two hundred in cash and his car is gone along with a forth of the house.”

Steve snorted, “Figures.” Billy grunted in what Steve supposed was agreement. 

“Did you have anything to do with this?” Billy went on as he took the paper diner cup filled with milkshake. 

“Yeah, I sneak your weekly smoothies and milkshakes in all by myself. You’re welcome,” Steve deflected. 

“Steve.” He sighed and looked at Billy. Billy looked determined and unbridled and Steve was done with side stepping. 

“I threatened him with my bat,” he said and fiddled with the straw in his own treat. 

“Why?” Billy asked curiously, not exactly what Steve had expected as the response. Maybe more of a, ‘why the hell are you interfering, Harrington?’ sort of thing.  

“Uh,” he squinted as he pondered how to answer. “Well, he’s an asshole, he hurt you, and I hate him. So I think that’s enough of a reason,” he nodded to himself and took a sip of vanilla ice cream. Billy hesitated and then did the same but didn’t take his eyes away from Steve’s. 

“Are you two having, like, a full conversation like this?” Max barged in unapologetically. “‘Cause you’re not saying anything and it’s creepy

Billy spoke before Steve could, “I got him to answer.”

Max sat by his feet on the end of the bed and swung her legs, “Care to restate?”

Billy rolled his eyes fondly as Steve watched them with his jaw lowered, “It was the bat.”

Max smirked, “I knew it. What did you say to him to shake him up so bad?” Steve settled himself with the knowledge that he'd managed to remove another monster from Hawkins as he formed an appropriate response. That he technically did the right thing, and he didn’t actually end up hurting anyone. 

“That’s just for him and I to know I think,” he deflected quietly. “And he’s gone now, so all that matters is getting Billy back on his feet.”

Billy’s eyes grew dewy but he smiled freely, “Okay,” his voice cracked with emotion. Max scowled but didn’t push it. Instead, she took off her bag and picked out a comic that Steve didn’t recognize. 

“Here,” she shoved it into Billy’s hand, “It’s a new one Dustin gave me.” When a tear fell and Billy brushed it away, no one mentioned it. At least not right away. When Max went to get a drink downstairs Steve scooted closer. 

“You know you’re not alone, right?” he looked down and grasped Billy's hand with both of his own. “You have me and Max. We’ll be here every day, Bill,” Steve swore. “No, need to waste your tears over that asshole.”

“I just never thought it would happen,” his cheeks were wet. “I mean, I don’t have either of my parents left.”

Steve’s eyebrows scrunched, “And you don’t need them.”

“But I do, Steve!” Billy’s hand shook even between Steve’s own. “What am I supposed to do? My mother’s somewhere off in Washington state and my father is a piece of shit that won’t even try to change.”

Steve leaned in and spoke quietly, “Both of them don’t deserve you. You’re so strong, Billy. You went up against an interdimensional monster and won. You’ve grown and you’re working on yourself, allowing yourself into therapy and getting actual help.” Billy’s lips quivered and more tears fell. “You’re so much better than them, Bill, better than them put together. So much better.” Billy pawed away the wires and Steve was halfway on the bed as he held him. 

His shoulder was drenched by the time Max returned. But Billy had a new light to his demeanor. And that was way more important. 

...

Max stopped Steve before they exited the doors to the parking lot, “We should tell the others.”

Steve stared at her, a little boggled, “Uh, okay. We can do that, yeah,” he nodded. 

“Tonight,” she looked up at him stonily. She acted like her brother more than most would think since they weren’t biologically related. Unbudging. 

“Max,” he looked at his watch, “It’s six, they’ll all be having dinner with their families.”

She laughed a little, not in an amused way either, “At least they get that luxury even if we don’t.”

“Max—“ he began warningly. 

“You don’t have to hide it, Steve,” she put her hands on her hips, “We know that your parents are practically nonexistent. They’re never around in the first place and Joyce had to drive you home from the hospital after Starcourt. And you were here for most of the week.” He sighed tiredly. He couldn’t disagree with her, no one ever disagreed with Max and won easily. 

“Don’t get too worked up over it, Mad Max,” he patted her shoulder fraternally. She looked unimpressed in return. “How about we get some KFC and you, me, and your mom can have our own little dinner.”

She smiled and he felt something release itself from the back of his mind, “Let’s go then!”

…

He may have gone a little overboard, there was lots of fried chicken and lots of mashed potatoes in his and Max’s possession as they walked into the house. Susan was reading on the small sofa as muted baseball illuminated the television box. 

“Steve bought dinner, Mama!” Max greeted loudly as she kicked off her shoes and joined her mother.

Steve laughed to himself, “Hope you don’t mind, Ma’am,” he set a bag of food beside Max’s on the table. Susan had gotten a lot more independent in just a few days. Had gone out for dinner with Claudia Henderson, made very good friends with her. Had a job in a boutique in town and everything. Max started spending more time with her now too.

“Oh, it’s just fine,” she waved his nerves off and opened a bag, “Thank you, and take a seat, Hun.” He did just that and Max went to get plates and silverware from the kitchen. Susan looked at him as she opened the containers, “How is he?” she asked earnestly. 

“He’s doing even better since you last visited,” he responded as he eyed the condensation bubbles on a lid move, “Much better actually. His motor skills are improving and he’s laughing more. We went outside the other day and watched the birds. The fresh air improved his mood a ton,” Steve smiled at the memory.

“That’s wonderful,” Susan smiled as she listened to him. “I’m glad he’s got a friend like you.”

Steve’s cheeks darkened a little, “He’s a nice friend to have.”

Susan nodded a bit distractedly and then she sat up straighter, “Oh! I’ve started re-doing his bedroom. I patched up the walls,” they both winced at that, “Repainted. All the works,” her smile was hesitant. Like she had a podium to prove too. 

“Can I see it?” Steve pointed to the hallway without looking away from her. 

She stood up, delighted, “Yes, yes,” she led him down and to a partially chipped door. She opened it and let the door swing by itself with a push. The walls were a pale blue and Billy’s bed stood lowly against the wall with white blankets and pillows. There weren’t any posters or personal belongings. Susan seemed to notice his own observations. “I only kept Neil,” she spoke his name with disgust, “From turning it into his own at home office by suggesting a guest room. I used this to cope guess,” she admitted shamefully. 

Steve shrugged and looked at the bed again, sunken lower in the middle edge, “Better than I did. I didn’t leave my bed for weeks,” he looked back at her. 

She smiled sadly and patted his shoulder, “Let’s get back. Max has most likely stopped waiting for us by now. I have a hunch it took so long just so I could finally speak to you about him. She’s not very good with words,” she whispered to him with a small smile.” They stopped at the end of the hallway to see Max scooping potato into her mouth unmannerly. “Billy never was either,” she finished.  

...

Billy was staring at his lap the next time Steve entered. His eyes were wide and moist, there wasn’t anything surprised in them though. The man looked like his worst fear had just come true. 

Steve set down his bag and shuffled close, “What’s wrong?” Billy held up a postcard displaying ‘Hawkins’ in green, cursive writing. 

“It’s from my father, he’s back,” Billy didn’t even look up as he held the card to Steve’s chest. He took it from Billy’s trembling hand and read the back. Billy recited for him though, “‘Your boyfriend can’t keep me away.’” Steve stared at Billy and dropped his hand with the card clenched in his fist. “Charming right?” Billy’s eyes were hollow, somehow more broken looking than any of the times they’d talked. And they had exchanged many stories, Steve had lost count of the amount of times Billy had cried. This was something old. 

“I’ll find him again,” Steve promised, “This time I won’t let him off so easy.” He kept the hostility he felt away from Billy’s eyes. Didn’t want Billy to have to worry so much about it. 

“There’s only one place you can find these types of postcards, Hawkins is usually printed in red. Must be symbolic.” Steve stood up, ready to head out the door as he developed a plan. But he stopped. Billy was looking at him, eyes wide and moist again. The sunlight shun and Billy looked like that of an angel. Steve leaned down and wrapped him up in his arms. “I’ll get him out of here, Bill. I promise this time.” It was the first time Billy pulled him in back. So Steve stayed a moment, not rushing anything even though his mind was half with Billy and half running downstairs to the pay phone. 

When Billy was the one to let go, Steve stepped back. “Good luck,” he heard just as he reached the doorway. 

He turned around and smiled, preserving, “Thanks!” Like he wasn’t going to go and quite possibly kill Billy’s father. Maybe just severely maim. But Billy’s lips lifted at the corners and his eyes looked more structured, so Steve left with a prominent smile. 

He went downstairs to the pay phone and took it off the hook to place in the crook of his neck as he pulled quarters out of his pockets. He dialed. It rang and rang and then there was a connection. 

“Hello?” he heard. 

Steve took a breath and then dived, “It’s Steve. And I need you to listen to what I have to say. Clear your schedule for the day.”

He sighed, “What is it now?”

“I’m hunting down Hargrove and I need your assistance.”

“Steve, you know he’s in the hosp—“

“Not that one.”

It was quiet for a long time, “You at the hospital?”

“Yep.”

“Have any clue where the bastard is?”

“Yep.” He looked down at the postcard still in his hand, “Meet me at the Roadwood in Marion.”

“I’ll be there, kid,” Hopper cut the line. And Steve went to the car. 

...

The desk lady looked very uninterested in Steve as he walked up to the counter, “I’m here to see Neil Hargrove,” he smiled casually and leaned a little against the counter. “Is he here?”

The lady’s gum popped and she leaned forward, searching out a paper with her pencil, “Room 5,” she stated and leaned back again. 

Steve’s smile tightened, “Thanks,” he nodded and left back out the door. Stopped by his car to get the weapon. And when he got to the door he knocked and then stood out of the way of the little peephole. The door opened a moment later revealing Hargrove’s pinched and confused, ugly, face. “I thought I told you to leave.”

Neil looked over a bit bewildered and then he scowled, “And then I realized that it’d be idiotic to listen to some teenager.”

Steve continued to look unimpressed, “I’m twenty.”

“Same thing.”

 Steve took his bat out from behind his back, “I suggest you get in the room and wait for my friend to get here. Then we’ll deal with you.” 

Neil hesitated and Steve rose the bat up threateningly before the man bolted into the room. Forgetting to shut the door. Steve followed him in after spotting Hopper’s truck and waving a signal to him. Inside, Neil had gathered the bedsheets like he was going to capture some sort of animal. 

“Now,” Steve began like the good conversationalist he was, “Either you leave today or I deal with you personally.”

Hopper appeared behind him in the doorway, “The walls are soundproof,” he closed the door. “Too many noise complaints, brought business down,” he was beside Steve with a roll of duct tape around his wrist and a crowbar in his hand, “Installed much better stuff.” 

Neil backed up to the opposite wall, “This is illegal.”

“And you abuse your son,” Hopper snapped, “So make your decision because our job is to protect this town. And you’re one of the things we get rid of. And that’s either the county border or the ground. Figure that shit out on your own. I don’t play nice with people like you.”

Steve smirked humorlessly, “I warned you,” he mused. 

Neil glanced at his suitcase and held his hands up, eyes shifty, “I’ll leave, I’ll leave!” Steve looked at Hopper and was met with the same expression, doubt. And it was further rooted when they both spotted the small pistol badly hidden under a wrinkled shirt. 

Steve leveled his bat out and stepped forward, “No you’re not.” He rushed Neil, whacked his leg and got the bat stuck before it ripped out due to the bulky man falling to the ground. He gave a yelp of agony and blood dripped into the carpet slowly. He started crawling to his suitcase but Steve brought the bat down on his back. Neil kept going between the moments Steve checked on Hopper who was standing and watching, crowbar at the ready if needed. When Steve looked back at Neil again he was reaching for the gun. Neil had just gotten it in his grasp when he rose the bat in the air and slammed it down on his head. 

Steve stepped back again and sighed, “Now you’re really dead, Hargrove.” 

Hopper took him. Backed the truck up and covered him with a tarp. Steve didn’t ask where. Didn’t need to know. 

But, just so you know, they never did see Neil Hargrove again. 

...

Billy didn’t ask either, not exactly. Steve just walked back in, hair wet from a shower and completely different clothes. He watched him sit down, eyes wide and Steve nodded while he scratched under his jaw through a yawn. But that was it, no great breakout. No yelling, no thanking, nothing about it. 

“So,” Steve propped his elbow on top of the arm of the chair and then his chin in his hand, “Any plans for when you get out?”

Billy shrugged and his face was less solemn, “I’m not sure, I’ll probably move out of town. Everyone here thinks I’m dead anyway.”

Steve’s eyes widened, “Uh—“ he grasped the arm and leaned forward, “Max wanted to tell the Party. Did she tell you that? I barely stopped her last night.”

Billy didn’t show anything towards recognition, “She what?”  

Steve sat back in the chair again, shoulders sagged tiredly, “We were thinking of letting the others know you’re alive.”

Billy brought a hand up slowly and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Steve.”

“I know,” he put his hands up and bit his tongue as tears surfaced. He was really going to miss Billy Hargrove, wasn’t he? “You’ll probably want to go all the way to,” Steve waved a hand around thoughtfully, “Like, France or something. At least there are no monsters there.”

Billy’s eyes were a little lost and far away, “I can’t speak french.”

Steve looked up quick and then laughed, running a hand through his hair, “New York?”

Billy shrugged, “Probably not...” Billy hiccuped through a shaky breath, “How about you?”

“I’m not smart enough to do any of that,” Steve picked at a loose thread. “I was considering Colorado. Maybe get a degree in teaching art? My aunt always said I had a bit of a talent when it came to a canvas.” He shrugged to himself and looked up to Billy. Fond, glittery eyed Hargrove. 

“That’s great,” he whispered and pulled the thin hospital blanket up to his chest. “I’m tired, do you mind shutting the blinds?”

Steve got up and traveled around the room blocking off all the light, “I’ll stay a little longer, ‘kay?” 

Billy stared at him for a very long moment, half laying down with his blanket clutched. Steve stayed still with his hands around the stick to close the blinds and looked right back. And then Billy cried. 

Steve rushed forward, “Hey, hey, hey,” he sat on the side of the bed and eased Billy against him. “It’s okay,” he rubbed Billy’s back as he sobbed. Each raspy intake of breath like a nail in Steve’s chest. “It’s alright, Billy. You’re going to be okay.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go.”

Steve pressed his head against Billy’s, “Susan will take you in. She’s been working on your old bedroom.” He didn’t mention how it was originally Susan’s grief distraction project for a guest room. 

“Really?” Billy said through harsh breaths. Steve nodded against his shoulder. “Sorry,” Billy mumbled into his shoulder, “Guess I just,” he paused and went a little limper, “I guess I just didn’t like hearing that you would be so far away in the,” he put his hands up in some mock, grand gesture, “Foreseeable future we’ve thought up.”

Steve sat back a little so he could see some of Billy and take hold of his hand, “I promised I wouldn’t leave you alone, didn’t I?”

“Huh?” Billy’s arms tightened around him and little and Steve melted like chocolate left in the sun.

“We could leave town together,” Steve offered instead, “We could get an apartment or something in some other small town or a city somewhere.” Billy’s breathing slowly eased back to soft hiccups of intakes as Steve rocked them side to side. Billy let him, let him help in the ways he knew how. 

Steve felt a kiss to his cheek, “Colorado sounds nice.” And even if it seemed far away and near inconsiderable, they allowed themselves to hope. To dream something up. Together.

[biromantic-nerd]

fanfic writer 20 questions

tagged by @mythcas thank you dear! 💖

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

61!! oh man that's so absurd, I can't believe it's that many

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

545,502 wow

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay listen,,,, a lot.

the main fandoms:

Spider-man, TASM specifically, DCU, Batman, The Untamed, Merlin, Daredevil, The Umbrella Academy, Harry Potter, Stranger Things, Naruto

the one hit wonders (aka fandoms I so far wrote ONE fic for):

Venom, The Witcher, Kingsman + Baby Driver (it was a crossover so I'm counting it as one), BNHA, The Dragon Prince (just the one, no more), B99 (just the one, no more), ATLA, K.C. Undercover, Agent Carter (though that one doesn't really count), Pitch Perfect, Marvel/MCU misc

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Devil's Food Cake - by a landslide victory of 3,258 kudos! I guess people really just like nonbinary Peter Parker hanging with the Daredevil group. Plus the baking of course

With Magic Soaking My Spine - my absolute pride and joy, probably my favorite fic I've written honestly. 1,539 kudos.

We Could Get Better ('Cause We're Not Dead Yet) - 1,536 so this and WMSMS are very close

City Too Busy To Haste - 1,076 kudos

With A Big Black Horse And A Cherry Tree - the sequel to WMSMS too makes the top five! 🥺❤️ 884 kudos

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Sometimes I'm very slow to do so (lack of spoons + too busy) but I try my best. It's just my way of enjoying some wholesome human connection 🥰❤️

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ooh. I'm going to have to go with Then I heard your heart beating; you were in the darkness too, so I stayed in the darkness with you I mainly write happy endings however I've been told that the ending of this fic is open to very devastating interpretations

7) Do you write crossovers?

I do! City Too Busy To Haste is a Baby Driver + Kingsman crossover. I'm not sure if things like Daredevil + Spiderman count as a crossover but I've done a few Marvel mini crossovers like that. FF + Spidey, Deadpool + Spidey.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not yet and hopefully never🤞Closest I've gotten is someone who told me that they would have bookmarked the story but wouldn't since it was 'obviously abandoned' - I assume they didn't subscribe either and never realized it updated.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Tried that for a brief bit as a coping mechanism when I was a kid. Never retried it after I switched to healthier coping mechanisms, but since I'm sex-repulsed 50% of the time I probably wouldn't vibe with it nowadays

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Eh. Not really but kind of? Once someone left me a comment letting me know that someone had posted something that looked very similar to my story. I skimmed the fic. It had some direct lines taken from my story and a very similar plot premise. But it wasn't at all exact and had been also written somewhat differently by them, so I was like "well I wish they hadn't taken exact lines but I think they're just inspired and went about it the wrong way"

Never contacted them. Eventually what happened is that because I'm a slow author, their story caught up to mine and then updated before mine. And their plot was then different from mine - either because mine hadn't been posted yet or because they honestly didn't realize how similar the stories were in the first place. I think of it as someone wanted to "remix" my story and didn't intend to steal it. But to my knowledge that is the only time (which I don't even count) and hopefully it stays that way

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! But I would be thrilled if someone did

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! The Devil Drinks Coffee with 01nm, who has also beta'd a few of my other stories for me - I think around 3 - and sometimes they'll add lines while betaing. But even though it was great cowriting a fic with them, I can't imagine doing it with someone else. (Oh also just remembered that we cowrote a fic that's no longer posted actually.)

I really enjoy co-writing as a concept because I'm not very good at finishing stories or connecting scenes. But in practice? Probably wouldn't team up with anyone besides 01nm. It'd definitely have to be with someone I really trusted because it's a very vulnerable thing to do, which I hadn't realized until I'd done it. But bc my partner was so great, the boundaries were really good and so we established a really good method between ourselves so that we were both comfortable in the process of it.

13) What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Very hard to say. It depends, I suppose, on what mood I'm in. But honestly? Probably Merlin/Gwaine. I wish I wrote more of that because I really love it. It's just.... tender.

I'm realizing I don't write a lot of one ship, per se, since I'm so spread out between different fandoms. Also I've been focusing recently on writing non-romantic relationships

I just checked my relationship tags and lo and behold Merlin/Gwaine is tied for first (3 fics) with Peter Parker/Harry Osborn (3 fics)

14) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Posted? Goodnight, Sleep Well, I'll Most Likely Kill You In The Morning because it just has this massive plot that I should have written down a lot more of but - once again - foolishly thought I'd written enough down that I'd remember. I really love writing canon AU's but I don't often do it because of this! I can't keep track of timelines very well!!

Unposted? The DC outsider POV fic of a fashion designer who invents the material of the Batman suit without realizing it at first for Brucie Wayne. I want to write it so badly. It just isn't happening. Also the Stranger Things Robin/Nancy enemies-to-lovers fic. Yeah that one probably isn't happening either. Also the Eddie Brock with chronic pain fic; I didn't even start that actually it's not even partial draft yet just a concept.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. I've been told that I can capture characterization well through dialogue - though I think that works better for me with fandoms where I can actually see the pacing of dialogue. (Actors in movies/shows vs characters in novels)

Self indulgence. Sometimes I wonder "is this too self indulgent?" and even though I will be anxious about it, I will stick to it and include it. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse - depends on who you ask. But everyone who enjoyed the lengthy nail polish scene in Chamomile, No Coconut or the plethora of tender Lancelot in With Magic Soaking My Spine - that was me being super self indulgent.

I feel like I can say unique plot ideas as a strength. This sounds like bragging but honestly my friends have asked me "how did you even come up with that?" and it is usually based off one extremely niche specific concept for one scene (1!) that spiraled out of control into a fic.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh baby it's definitely plot. Yes I am aware of the irony since I just listed plot as a strength. But I am so bad at writing out traditional stories (beginning, middle, end) mostly because I write different scenes that I can't seem to connect. I've been trying really hard to improve on this. I know that fanfic doesn't need to have a traditional format but I'd like to be able to have that option tbh! I'm just bad at it!

Especially since my plot organization is so terrible. I think I have the timeline figured out and then I go to work on my fic and my outline makes ZERO sense

Grammar too honestly. Also I have a lot of typos and try my best to self beta through my stories but like.... yeah typos.

Cheesy plots and characters. I enjoy sappy things and self indulgence. Sometimes that makes it cross the line into too cheesy instead of just regular cheesy.

Pacing. I'd also say pacing is something I struggle with. That's something that probably ties in with not being good at organizing + writing out plot. Probably doesn't help that I'll often spend a long time on scenes I personally like.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I've seen it done well and done very badly. I don't think I've ever done written it though. Probably won't either unless it is somehow critical to the plot to do so?? idk why that'd be though

18) What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

,,,,,it was Twilight.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I can't help but to love With Magic Soaking My Spine. It was one of those things that I'd had the idea (Because of the "Strength, Courage, Magic" bridge, Arthur and Gwaine think that the other one is Magic and not Merlin, while Merlin is caught up in the chaotic misunderstanding) for a long time but didn't think I'd ever actually write it. And when I finished it, I was initially disappointed with it bc it was a lot more serious than I had ever imagined it, and so I was worried that made it not funny. And I wanted it to be a comedy.

But after some time (and really kind commenters) I realized that the things that made it serious - the emphasis on tender friendship and Merlin's loneliness - didn't take away from the humor of the story. And when I reread it, I laugh even so I worried over nothing. Yeah it's probably my favorite story I've written. It's silly and also extremely self indulgent in tender moments of friendship.

To Want (For Nothing) is probably one of my favorites as well because I had envisioned a very specific feeling and I feel like I managed to convey that feeling. It's probably one of my prettiest prose wise, or at least I think so.

Also it's hard to choose a favorite of them but I am really fond of my DC fics. I rotate between being the most proud of certain fics. Right now my fave of the bunch is Take a breath and let the rest come easy

20) Who do you tag?

💖💖💖 @captainkirkk buddy captain pal, if you want to do so

💙💙💙 @romanticism-is-maudlinism I know you're busy right now though so do not at all feel pressured to do it, dear

❤️❤️❤️ @kadansten ily babe

[penaltbox]

take her to the moon - ty emberson

this all came from another random idea that @puckyess​ and I had that we ran with lol. if you like it let me know!! reblogs, lines you liked, even a simple ‘good job’ are all super appreciated :)

word count: 4.8k

__

You look around the room at the boys you were familiar with, but not comfortable around. You know them all well enough. In fact, you’d known them since your freshman year. But they weren’t your favorite boys. No, these were more like your obligation due to your boyfriend. 

You check your phone and find yet another ridiculous Snapchat from your actual favorite boys, Ty specifically, and your heart sinks a bit. You’d much rather be with them, where they’re apparently making Brock take shots even though he can’t handle them, than being stuck with your boyfriend and the rest of his team - the basketball team. 

The hockey boys were your actual friends. The ones you’d celebrated big wins with, had breakdowns in front of, and the ones who knew you the best. You look up and see some girl put her hand on your boyfriend’s arm, but he doesn’t shake it off. Of course he doesn’t, but you don’t even want to address it right that second.

You open your messages and respond to the video Ty had just sent, knowing he’d respond quickly.

‘Ugh looks way more fun than here :(‘

‘You know you’re always welcome. I can come pick you up if you want’

You smile, tucking your phone in your back pocket and deciding it was time to go. You’re sick of this little get together so you make your way over to your boyfriend and tap his arm. He turns away from the girl he still won’t turn down and his smile drops. 

“Danny, I think I’m headed home. I have to be up early tomorrow,” you lie, but you know he won’t question it. It was only his lies that ever got questioned. 

He nods and surprisingly takes your hand, “I’ll come with. Make sure you get back safe and everything.”

You smile and take the action at face value rather than trying to read into it like you sometimes did. Danny says his goodbyes as you follow him out the door. He drops your hand though as soon as you both exit and you can’t help but frown. 

He’d been acting odd again and the feeling that something all too familiar was coming was impossible to shake. You try and make the best of things though and smile up at him. 

“Are you excited to not have a game this weekend?” You ask, referring to their first weekend off all season. 

He shrugs and jams his finger into the button for the elevator without glancing at you, “yeah it should be nice. Are we hanging out?”

“Uh, well,” you stutter, forgetting to have told him you wouldn’t be available, “I kind of already had some plans.”

“So cancel them,” he says, like it’s no big deal. Like your plans can’t matter more than one of the few weekends he had off in a season. 

You grit your teeth a little, “I can’t just cancel them. I’m going to Ty’s game since you don’t have one.”

Danny lets out a short humorless laugh then as the elevator arrives, “oh, of course you are. You know you don’t owe him shit, right?”

“Fuck off, Dan. We aren’t doing this again. He’s my best friend and you know that,” you sigh, crossing your arms as you lean back against the wall of the elevator. 

Danny keeps his mouth shut the rest of the elevator ride and the ten minute walk back over to your apartment building, which you welcome after the attitude he copped immediately at the mention of Ty. You knew your roommate was out for the night and so you let Danny in behind you with no hesitation. She wasn’t exactly his biggest fan. 

“Will you flip the lock right away?” You ask as you kick your shoes off and head for the kitchen. 

“Uh,” Danny starts, his tone causing you to stop in your tracks, “are we gonna have sex?”

“Seriously? That’s the only thing you’re concerned with right now?” You ask, jaw dropping in shock. Danny could be brash but this was a new level from him. 

He shrugs like the question was normal and you scoff as you tell him, “maybe you should just leave. I don’t know what your issue is tonight but don’t take it out on me.”

“Cool, see you next week since Emberson is more important,” he scoffs and heads out the door. 

You think you’re quick enough to follow after him, grabbing for the door handle, but it slams just before you can grab the cool metal. Instead you lean your forehead onto the door and sigh. Things had never been quite this bad with Danny. 

With a sigh you lock the door yourself and trudge back to the kitchen. You fill your tea kettle and turn it on before going to slip into some pajamas. Heading back to the kitchen you go to reach for a mug, but your phone starts to buzz incessantly on the counter. 

You frown but pick it up, seeing Ty’s face flashing across the screen. It was late but that was no surprise with him. He called whenever he wanted and you’d always pick up, but he did the same for you with no questions asked. 

“Yes, Ty?” You answer, a little smile spreading across your face immediately. 

He laughs on the other end, the background noise starting to fade, “well hello to you, too. Are you home already?”

Your eyes slip closed as you lean back against your counter, “yeah, I am.”

Ty can immediately hear the tone change in your voice and he sighs, “what did he do?”

You bite your lip for a couple seconds and then release it all. You tell Ty everything. All your worries and the ways you thought Danny had been acting weird lately, as well as the sinking feeling you couldn’t seem to shake. Ty doesn’t interrupt once and he’s so quiet that you have to check a few times that he’s still there and listening. 

Every time you ask you get the same answer, “of course, I’m always here for you.”

You talk to him until you can barely keep your eyes open and he can hear the exhaustion in your voice. He tells you it’s okay if you need to go to bed because he knows you have an early class the next day and he’d feel awful if he contributed to any sort of sleep deprivation. You finally cave and tell him good night, but you make one last mistake before going to bed. 

You get settled in under your covers and open up your Snapchat map. You don’t usually check it for anything, but something that night tells you to look. You see most of your friends in their normal places, but one name makes your blood run cold. 

Danny’s location shows him somewhere that he had no business being at considering how late at night it was - the Gamma Phi house. You zoom in and out a few times, trying to make sure it was the right place. You finally understand why you’d been having that bad gut feeling lately and why Danny was being so weird. 

You don’t know what to do first, and even though your first instinct is to call Ty and break down to him, you decide you should send Danny a text. You type a message just to delete and retry it a few more times. Eventually you decide on something simple. 

‘I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, but I still care about you. I love you. You know that right?’

To your surprise the little conversation dots pop up after less than a minute. You hold your breath, hoping the map location had been an odd technical mistake. Once the message finally comes in you feel your world crumble a little. 

‘Yep’

You stare at the message and try to process it. That was all he had to say? You’d been together for the better part of two year, admittedly with some time apart, but this certainly wasn’t the reaction you were expecting. You knew then that he was checked out, and as much as your heart hurts to ask him the next question, you needed to know. You deserved to know. 

‘You’re leaving me again aren’t you?’

This time your question goes unanswered, but he reads it. He’d had his read receipts on since the beginning of the relationship and you were pretty sure he didn’t even remember by then that they were still a thing. Knowing that he read the message but refused to say anything only made matters worse. 

You try and take a couple deep breaths but it’s not working, no matter how hard you try. So you do what you always do when you’re scared or Danny does something that hurts you. You call Ty again. 

“Hello?” He asks, his voice scratchy now compared to when you’d just spoke with him less than an hour ago. 

“Oh shit, are you sleeping?” You ask, pinching the bridge of your nose to try and keep your voice calm. 

He sighs and you can hear him shifting, most likely sitting up, “I kind of was, yeah. What’s wrong?”

“Ty, I…” you begin to say but your voice cracks before you can even get through his name, “I think he’s cheating on me.”

Ty doesn’t have to ask what you mean and you easily hear the frustrated grunt he lets out. He never really liked Danny so you aren’t surprised by his reaction. What you are surprised by is his next question considering what time of night it was. 

“Do you want me to come over?”

Your bottom lip wobbles a little over the question, “yeah, I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Ty gently says goodbye and tells you he’ll be over in a couple minutes. You thank your lucky stars then that your apartments were only a couple blocks from each other because you couldn’t hold it together much longer. 

A knock on the front door has you bolting off of the couch you’d moved yourself to shortly after the phone call ended. You open the door and find a very tired looking Ty, but he still manages a little smile for you. 

“Come here,” he mumbles and takes a step inside. 

You’re quick to wrap your arms around his waist and press your face into him. He hugs you just as tight, but reaches behind him to flip the lock on your door. 

It’s a motion you don’t miss because it’s something you always had to remind Danny to do but it’s something that Ty does naturally because he knows it makes you feel safer. 

Slowly, Ty wobbles you backwards to your room and holds up the covers so you can climb in. He lets them drop and grabs the throw blanket you keep at the end of your bed to cover himself up with. He settles in next to you while you press your forehead against his arm. 

“Why am I never good enough, Ty? Why can’t I date someone and not have them cheat for once?” You mumble, voice muffled by the sleeve of his shirt. 

Ty sighs, pressing a kiss to your head, “you’re more than good enough. I don’t get why he does what he does, but don’t think it’s because somethings wrong with you. You deserve the whole world and the moon.”

You smile a little finally and it makes Ty’s heart a little lighter. If he could break Danny’s jaw he absolutely would, but he knows you wouldn’t be happy about it so he’s never done it. He hates seeing you cry and question yourself when he knows how good you could be treated. 

He keeps most of it to himself though. He waits until he knows you’re fully asleep before he lets himself look down at you. He can’t help but smile when he sees you still pressed against him, red cheeks almost matching his Wisconsin shirt. 

He really means it when he tells you that you deserve the whole world and the moon. 

—

You don’t hear from Danny by the next day and Ty is gone by the time you wake up. Your head is pounding and you consider whether skipping class is worth missing out on the lecture. Eventually you drag yourself out of bed but opt for comfier clothes. 

You pull a hoodie from your closet and slip it on, not realizing what one it was until you saw the ‘21’ embroidered on the red sleeve. You shrug and smirk a little. If Danny wanted to let you go then you’d have more time to hang out with Ty and his friends. 

Class drags by and you pick up a coffee on your way home. The boys had a game that night but your homework was piling up so that took precedence. You’d just have to put the game on in the background. You’re quick to bury yourself in your work, but not before sending Ty your traditional ‘good luck’ text. 

You put your phone down after sending it and get lost in your report, not even realizing the game was well underway, or that you’d missed a few calls and even more texts from Danny. 

A sharp knock on your front door and your roommate's annoyed voice when she opens it lets you know your boyfriend, if he even was that anymore, was there to see you. You roll your eyes and keep working, not bothering to go see what he wanted. 

“Hello to you too,” he grumbles, walking in and sitting on your bed next to you. He looks at your tv and notices the hockey game, but instead of insulting it, his next comment shocks you, “I’m gonna go to Ty’s game with you tomorrow.”

Your eyes almost pop out of your head and you choke on air. He had never called him Ty, always Emberson, and his tone was oddly nice. You eye him carefully, waiting for the joke to be over. 

“You don’t have to,” you remind him, hoping he’ll change his mind. What kind of prank was this? What was he trying to prove?

He smiles and shakes his head, “no it’s fine. I’ll go with you.”

“Are we going to talk about that message I sent you last night?” you ask, glancing over at him.

“Babe,” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, “I don’t want to fight with you. I just had to pick up some notes for a class I missed because of a team meeting.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, knowing you couldn’t prove him wrong, “whatever. I wait after the games for Ty though. I’m not changing that just because you’re coming for once. Got it?”

Danny rolls his eyes but doesn’t say another word. You realize he’s staring at the white ‘21’ stitched in the arm of your sweatshirt and you give him a warning look. He knows better than to argue about it. Ty was in your life long before he was, and would be around long after at this rate.

—

The air in the arena is cold, just like you were used to, and you can’t help but smile as you take your seat. This was your happy place and Danny seemed to be quietly taking things in, not having been too big of a pain in the ass for once. He’d made a small comment about the crowd size when you got there but you chose to just ignore him. The only thing that had you nervous was the fact Ty didn’t know Danny was coming that night. You had decided it might be better not to say anything.

The boys take the ice for warmups and as you’re trying to find Ty you do. Except he’s found you first and you can see how tight his jaw is set. He isn’t looking at you. He’s looking at Danny sitting next to you. You try to shoot him a smile but he ignores it, focusing back on the warmups he needed to lead as you feel your shoulders slump when you let out a sigh.

“So Emberson’s like… good then? He’s captain?” Danny asks, motioning vaguely at the ice.

You smile and nod, looking down near the net where he was passing pucks, “yeah he was super excited when they gave it to him. He deserves it though.”

Danny scoffs a little, “yeah, sure he does.”

You force yourself to take a steadying breath, already knowing this would be the longest game of your life. You were wondering if waiting for Ty after was really the best idea, but you weren’t about to break tradition now. 

Danny sits through the whole game with what you would consider minor complaints from him. He makes a couple comments about some shitty plays Ty’s involved in and you yell at him every time for it. Ty got a lot more playing time than Danny and you were quick to remind him of that fact. That got him quiet in a hurry.

You head for the lobby once the arena clears a little and see some of the girlfriends and ‘just friends’ that were around after most of the games, saying hi to the ones you knew. A couple of them eye Danny, not familiar with him being around ever before. It only takes five minutes before Danny starts to complain and embarrass you in front of people.

“Seriously, how long does this dude take? He doesn’t even skate that fast to need to take that long of a shower,” he whines, tugging on your hand as he takes a step towards the door.

You pull your hand back and hiss at him, “that’s enough. I told you I wait for him and I’m not leaving early. Stop.”

“This is stupid,” he says loudly, making you duck your head, “he’s not even your boyfriend. I am. Why are you wasting your time sitting here and waiting for him?”

“Yeah well your girlfriend wasn’t at the Gamma Phi house last night either but you still went there,” you snap, finally sick of him always picking on Ty for no reason.

Danny’s eye twitches a little and he finally lowers his voice, “I told you what I was doing there. I had to get notes from class.”

“You’re a liar and we both know it. What’s her name, Danny? How long have you been fucking her?” you ask through gritted teeth, staring him down despite the height difference between you two.

“Two months. Are you happy now?” he asks, his temper quickly running out, “did you want me to tell you I’m sleeping around? Huh?”

You feel the tears well in your eyes, but not because you’re sad. You’re about to cry because you’re embarrassed and frustrated. You’re ready to pull back and slap him when someone clears their throat behind Danny. He turns around, giving you both a view of Ty standing there with his hands clenched at his sides.

“I’ll give you two minutes to walk out of this arena before I knock you out,” Ty says, his voice so calm it scares you.

You look up at Danny when he glances your way, “we’re over. Don’t call me or text me. Get out of here.”

Danny’s lip snarls and he glares at Ty on his way out, “have fun with her. She’s a psycho and she’ll ruin your life.”

You don’t even listen to his immature little outburst but as soon as he steps out of the arena you try to reach for Ty, wanting a hug more than anything. He steps to the side and heads for the door, leaving you confused.

“Let’s go,” he mumbles, eyes locked on the ground and not checking to see if you’re following as he walks outside.

__

“Ty, I’m sorry. Will you please just talk to me?” You ask, practically begging at this point. 

You’d been trying to get Ty to talk to you for the last eight blocks as you head back towards your apartments. He refused to say a word, but he stayed close to your side as the two of you made the agonizingly long walk back. You weren’t sure what his issue was so you figured you’d just keep apologizing until he gave you some indication of his issue.

“Just stop,” he finally says, “wait until we’re back at your place and then we can talk about this.”

You blush and look down at your shoes, feeling like a little kid who had just been reprimanded. Ty rarely took such a serious tone with you and it had you scared. You weren’t about to lose your boyfriend and best friend in one night, were you? You didn’t think you could handle that.

But you listen to his request and forgo the questions for the time being. You both fall into a silence that’s usually comfortable, but feels completely opposite this time around. Your thoughts are running rapidly through your head and your overthinking makes you worry. You could lose Danny. It sucked, but he’d hurt you enough times that it was okay to not have him anymore. Ty though? You couldn’t lose him. You’d be so lost without him and you’d hate yourself for it for the rest of your life.

You open up your apartment and find it empty, hanging your keys up on the little hook where they belonged. You aren’t sure where to go so you wander into your kitchen, refolding a towel that was already folded on the countertop. Ty leans on the other end of the little peninsula and watches you, reaching up and loosening his tie. 

“What the fuck was that tonight?” he finally asks, watching you fidget with the cloth in your hands.

Your eyebrows pinch as you look over at him, “what do you mean? Danny finally admitting he’s cheating on me or what?”

“Why was he even fucking there? I don’t go to his games so why was he at mine? That’s kind of fucked up, don’t you think?” he asks, his voice raising little by little.

“I don’t know, Ty,” you shrug, setting the towel down again and crossing your arms, “he said he wanted to go and I wasn’t about to miss your game when I finally was able to go to it.”

“You better not fucking go back to him. If you do, I’m done. I’m not watching you get your heart broke again when you know that’s what he’ll do.”

Your heart starts to beat faster as your voice drops, “stop, I’m not going back to him. Don’t even say you’re done. That’s not fair.”

“That’s not fair? Are you kidding me?” he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief, “you can bring your cheating piece of shit boyfriend to my games and expect me to clean up the messes he makes, but I can’t tell you that I’m done being your safety net? Please tell me how that’s not fair.”

“Ty, please. I need you in my life. I don’t need him and I’m not going back to him. Why are you so mad about this?” you ask, because honestly you don’t think you’d ever seen Ty this worked up before. Especially not towards you and it makes a lump form in your throat.

“When is it my turn?” He asks, his voice strained and his breathing heavy, “when do I get to show you how you should be treated? When do I get to show you what it’s like to actually be cared about?”

“Ty, don’t,” you whisper, tears starting to spill over. 

“Don’t what? Don’t admit that I’m in love with you? I can’t keep lying. I know you let him lie all the time, but I just can’t do it anymore.”

And there it was. The truth you’d been ignoring for three years. For three whole years while Ty stood by you through everything without saying one sour word. Every long night, every heartbreak episode, every time that Danny cheated. He was finally breaking his silence and it took your breath away. 

“All I ever wanted was to see you in my jersey. At my games. But I never got that and all you got was your heart broken while I cleaned up the damage,” he clears his throat, looking up at the ceiling and swallowing hard. 

You’d never seen Ty act like this. Not in the entire time you’d known him. He was always the calm one, the collected one. Everywhere but on the ice and you’d missed far too many of his games for this friendship to be fair. Enough was enough on both of your ends and it wasn’t fair to keep treating him like you had been. You walk over to him and hesitantly reach for his hands, taking them in your smaller ones. He lets you, but you see his bottom lip wobble a little.

“Ty, I’m so sorry,” you whisper, pulling him down for a hug.

You hold onto him so tight you half expect him to push you away so he can breathe, but he wraps you in his arms just as tight. He rests his forehead in the crook of your neck as you play with the little hairs at the nape of his neck.

“I’m sorry, bub. I’m so sorry I did this to you for so long,” you apologize again, feeling like all the words in the world weren’t enough. You’d ignored your feelings for him for all these years and they were finally bubbling to the surface. You weren’t reading this wrong hopefully.

He pulls back, standing up straight, and moves his hands to cup your cheeks, “I hate seeing you upset. I hate seeing you cry. I hate knowing I can’t fix things because I’m not even the one who broke them. I don’t think we’d be perfect but I know for a damn fact I could be so much better to you than he ever was.”

You nod quickly, knowing he was right, “you’ve always been better to me than him. I don’t know why I stuck around him. I guess I figured maybe you didn’t feel that way about me.”

“Are you kidding?” he asks, a little laugh slipping past his lips, “was getting you ice cream and wine on your birthday and sitting next to you while you soaked in the tub because you failed a test not enough proof?”

“Okay, hold on,” you laugh, putting your hand over his mouth.

“No,” he says, muffled at first but then he playfully bites your palm to get you to move your hand, “or how about the time I stayed on facetime with you my entire road trip back from Minnesota because you decided you needed to watch a scary movie and couldn’t fall asleep until I got back and would come sleep over?”

“I get it! I’m sorry!” you interject, but his hands slip down to your sides, starting to tickle you so suddenly you let out a little scream.

He wraps his arms around you then, laughing as well, “don’t scream! Someone’s gonna think I’m hurting you in here!”

You know he’s trying to be serious but you’re both laughing like mad and leaning into each other so much that you aren’t sure who’s holding who up. It takes a few minutes for you both to calm down, but you finally catch your breath. You look up at him again, but this time you glance down at his lips. You’d be a liar if you said you never wondered what kissing him was like.

He seems to catch your drift and leans down slowly, kissing you like he’s scared you’ll run away. Instead you lean into him, feeling giddy and happy and content all at once. Kissing him is better than any other guy you’ve ever kissed in your life, that much you’re sure of. You press a little further, slipping your tongue along his bottom lip until he lets you in.

You’re breathless and blushing when you finally pull back and Ty’s lips are so red you can’t help but brush your thumb along the bottom one. He tips his head quickly and kisses your thumb, a smile already on his face.

“You know when I said you deserve the whole world and the moon the other night?” he asks quietly.

You smile, still remembering that phrase clearly, “yeah, what about it?”

“I’m the one whose going to give you the whole world and the moon. I promise,” he swears, leaning his forehead against yours. You know he’s telling the truth, too, and you can’t wait to see what that promise holds.  

[set-phasers-to-whump]

imprisonment

prompt: imprisonment

whumpee: kurt wallander

fandom: young wallander

surprise!!! i was gonna write this fic with a different premise and a different fandom but i wasn’t feeling it and then inspiration struck lmao. hi to my friends that like yw and i hope you enjoy!!!

Kurt technically should not have been there, for a multitude of reasons. He was there for his latest investigation, without his supervisors’ permission. Or even their knowledge. He’d also promised Reza earlier in the day that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid. And he was supposed to be going out with Mona later that night. So he really shouldn’t have been doing this.

But he’d had a feeling, back when this place had first come across their radar. A run-down (though still operational) meat packing facility, way on the outskirts of the city, owned by a known associate of their main suspect. It was the perfect place for him to conduct his rather disturbing business of killing people and freezing them until he had evidently decided what he was to do with them. (In the case of his first murder, it’d been dropping the body from the roof of an apartment building, and in the case of the second, setting the body up in a bus stop, as though it were a live person waiting to get to work. In other words, this shit was creepy as all hell (the general consensus of Kurt and his colleagues)).

He stepped through the main door, wincing as it squeaked. He really hoped that no one was there to hear it. He moved further into the building, shining a flashlight in sweeping arcs across the unmoving conveyor belts and various deadly-looking pieces of machinery. He was looking for...something. He felt that he would know it when he saw it. He continued through the room until he came to a closed metal door with a frosted-over window that was cool to the touch. 

This was it, he was sure. Something. He paused for a moment with his hand on the handle, wondering whether he should call someone and let them know what he thought he’d found. Then again, he was here on a hunch only. If he turned out to be wrong, he’d be in serious trouble. Better to wait and see…

He opened the door, which made a rather ominous creaking noise. A pass of his flashlight through the small room confirmed that his hunch had been correct: lying in the far corner of the freezer were two lumps, human-sized and covered in blankets. Kurt grimaced. Honestly, he’d rather have been wrong. 

But he’d been right, and now it was his responsibility to get people in here to deal with this. He pulled out his phone, adjusting his grip on the flashlight, and stopped. The light had illuminated something in the other corner: a large box, with what appeared to be a bloodstain on the bottom. 

Something in him told him not to go see what was in that box, but something else insisted that he go have a look, so Kurt stepped into the freezer, pulling his jacket tighter around him. Just being inside, with less than a meter between himself and the door, was enough to make him shiver. He walked over to the box and shined his flashlight inside, thoroughly prepared to flinch back in disgust. 

But instead of something horrible, like body parts, there was...a case of beef. Kurt shrugged to himself. This was still a meat-packing facility, he supposed, turning away from the box and towards the blanketed lumps opposite him. He now doubted whether they were really dead people at all, or simply more meat arranged into vaguely human shapes. He had to check that out before he called anyone. 

Kurt crossed the small room, shining his light on the lumps. There was no blood on the blankets, which he hoped was a good thing. 

He reached down hesitantly, drawing one blanket away from whatever it was protecting. 

Which was a dead guy. Pale as...well, death, his unseeing eyes covered in frost. Kurt let the edge of the blanket fall from his hands, stumbling backwards away from the body, nearly tripping over his own feet. He really wished he’d been wrong about this…

Shaking hands reached for his phone, and he quickly dialed Rask’s number. She’d be pissed, no doubt, but once she got over it...well, they had two more murders and a hell of a lot more evidence on their hands.

No service. Kurt sighed, his breath fogging up in the air in front of him, and headed back towards the door, which had at some point closed behind him. He grabbed the handle, wincing at the feeling of the freezing metal on his bare hand, and turned it, already redialing Rask. 

It didn’t move. The door didn’t move. It was locked. 

Kurt pulled at the handle harder. Nothing. He tried to push the door open instead. Nothing. He kicked it. Nothing. He was trapped. 

This can’t be happening, he thought. But it was. He was trapped in a freezer in a meat-packing facility that served as some kind of hide-out for a killer, with two dead bodies and no service and absolutely no one that knew where he was. 

I’m going to die in here, was his next thought. I’m going to freeze to death. Or else I’m not going to die and the killer is going to come here to get his bodies and find me too, and then I’ll die. 

He retried every single communication app on his phone, to no avail. The walls of his prison were too thick to let any kind of signal reach. He looked around for something he could use to break the door down, also to no avail, unless he wanted to try and use one of the dead people as a battering ram. He searched for any kind of interior controls that might warm the air or let him out. Surely other people had gotten stuck in here before. But there was nothing. He supposed those other people had gotten stuck during working hours, with their colleagues around because they hadn’t gone off on their own…

So that was that. There was no way out. 

And little point in telling himself not to panic.

He sunk down to the floor, taking no notice of its coldness seeping into his pants. He wrapped his arms around his body as tightly as he could, trying to keep himself somewhat warm. And then he panicked. His whole body shook with it, and with the cold, and the tears that fell down his face felt like they froze before they reached his chin. He was going to die in this fucking freezer, and it was all his fault...

Eventually, slowly, the panic wore off. Kurt raised his head up from his arms, which were folded across his knees, still shaking hard, and got to work trying whatever he could. If he couldn’t get out of here, maybe he could at least prevent himself from freezing to death.

First up was the flashlight. He thought that there might have been some way to start a fire with its batteries, but as he looked around he realized that there wasn’t anything to light on fire. Everything else in the freezer was, well, frozen, and his own clothes were damp and also the only things that would definitely keep him warm. A fire might burn out. Similarly, there was no sense in trying to smash his phone to light it on fire. Besides the issue of there being no flammable material with him, Kurt was pretty sure that if he ever got out of here, he’d need to call someone to get him. That left...nothing. Unless the dead people had something on them. 

Kurt sighed. He did not especially like the idea of rooting around in the dead peoples’ clothes in an attempt to keep himself alive. Then again, they were dead, and certainly not going to object. 

He pushed himself up off of the floor, taking a moment to force his shaking legs to cooperate, then walked back over to the bodies. The one he’d uncovered previously was dressed in a nice coat, and had a stick of gum and two receipts in his pockets, all frozen. The other body ended up being a woman, with a lovely-looking fuzzy hat on her head and a gold bracelet and two credit cards in her pockets. Again, everything on her was frozen. Kurt tried the hat out anyway. It was too small, and in any case made the top of his head much colder than the air alone. He covered the bodies back up with their crunchy blankets, which were yet again frozen and like ice against his skin. 

Kurt sank back to the ground in utter defeat. The dead people had been his last hope, and unless he wanted to wrap himself in freezing clothes, they had nothing to offer him, except for a rather twisted form of company. 

He was going to die. Well and truly. That settled, he grabbed his phone from where he’d set it on the floor, intent on writing out some final messages for the people he cared about. 

But his fingers were shaking too badly to even unlock his phone, let alone type on it. He let it slide back to the floor, then buried his face in his arms again and cried. He didn’t want to die here…

--

Minutes or hours or days passed. Kurt was too cold to get his phone and check the time. He was feeling less and less alert, and his body ached from the constant shivering, and he wished that he could fall asleep. But every time he closed his eyes, they would open back up again, like they were telling him not to give in. He wished they would stop trying. He was dying. No sense in thinking that anything was going to save him.

There was an ominous creaking noise in front of him. Kurt slowly raised his head, vision blurred from tears and cold, and saw that the door was open. He lunged for it, or rather tried to, but found himself quite incapable of moving. The door started to close, and he wanted to scream. It came out a quiet whimper. 

And then there was something touching him, something warm. He forced his freezing eyes to focus as best as they could. It was a person! He leaned into the warmth, unaware and uncaring of whether or not it was the killer, back for his bodies. 

Then, the warm thing went away, and then it returned, draping something onto him. He wondered what it was, and then he was moving, and something very warm was pressing up against the whole right side of his body, and he knew instinctively that he was safe now, that the person who had him was going to make sure he would be okay. He finally fell asleep. 

--

He woke up slowly. The first thing that he became aware of was the fact that he wasn’t cold. He wasn’t especially warm, either, but his body wasn’t shaking and he could feel his fingers and toes. There was something slightly scratchy covering him, and something cold pressed against his arm. He opened his eyes.

The hospital. He was getting tired of the hospital. He looked around, smiling at the lack of blurriness to the world. And then his eyes landed on three chairs that had been pulled up next to his bed. Empty. He wondered who had been there, and where they had gone. 

He didn’t need to wonder for long, though. A nurse came up to him, looking very pleased to see him awake, and told him that his friends had gone to get something to eat, and ought to be back fairly soon.

--

Half an hour later, Kurt had been sufficiently fussed over by Reza and Jasmine and Mona, all three of whom had been incredibly happy to see him. Jasmine and Mona had gone to get all of them some hot tea (Kurt had shivered, just once, but it had been enough to prompt them into action), and Reza was looking at him in that rare way that meant they were going to have a Conversation.

“Kurt-”

“I’m sorry.” Kurt interrupted Reza before he got the chance to speak. “I should have told someone where I was going. I thought-”

Now it was Reza’s turn to interrupt him. “Kurt, you almost died. Touching you was like touching a block of fucking ice.”

“You...you were there?”

“Who do you think found you? Mona called me worrying because you hadn’t shown up for your date, and she couldn’t reach you. Then I tried calling you. Then I tracked your phone and realized what stupid shit you were up to. I told Rask and she got some others, and we got there and I found you practically frozen solid.”

“Did you...see the bodies?”

“See the- yes, we saw the bodies.”

Kurt smiled. “Wasn’t for nothing,” he said, letting his eyes close. 

“Idiot,” Reza said, but Kurt could hear the fondness in his voice. “I guess there’s no point in asking you to promise me that you’re not going to do anything stupid again. Just call me next time, before you go and do it, okay? 

“I will. I promise.”

thanks so much for reading this!!!!!!!! i had so much fun writing it (i’ve always wanted to trap somebody in a freezer lmao). please tell me if you liked it and i will love you forever :)

[danganronpa-imagine-headcanon]

I'm the anon who asked for the matchup and i'd like to request a matchup, from which game i'd prefer sdr2 or thh, but i don't mind getting v3 too^^ either way i'll leave the choice to you hehe

So i'm a straight 5'3 female, so i would like a male for a matchup, i wear glasses and have a chubby body, but not too much chub

I like playing my guitar, watch animes, reading, writing and singing! Tho i may seem more introverted, i love goofing off especially with ppl i'm comfortable with, even if it's in front off a lot of people. I have a lot of mood swings, so i tend to get overemotional at things. I would say i'm pretty sarcastic, especially with my sister

I do chores often, and i tend to be the mother type of friend who takes care of everyone. I'm pretty awkward socially, but when you get to know me i'm just a mess internally, and i'd often vent to them

Hope i did this right, lemme know if there's smth else and thank u, hope you have a good day^^

Hey! This is my first time doing a matchup, so forgive me if this is wrong as well ^^"

I match you with Makoto Naegi from v1!

Makoto would enjoy doing a variety of topics with you— he just thinks it’s really fun and cool to do, especially with you! You let him try out different hobbies, and that makes him happy!

Makoto would definitely like joking around with you. He might seem a little reserved at first, but as soon as he got to know you and gets used to your personality, he would love to good off and tell jokes with you! He finds it really amusing.

He would understand wanting to help others and take care of them, and that’s exactly why he would remind you to take breaks. He’d hate for you to overwork yourself, and he knows how important it is to take time to cool down and get some rest.

Makoto is also a pretty big social mess, but he would always be up for listening to you and your issues! He’d love to help you.

As a whole, I think you two would be good together, because you have similarities, but enough differences to even it out. He understands your sense of humor and introverted demeanor until you get to know someone. He really would care about you, and would think you’re a great person to have! Makoto would adore you. Besides— hey! Not much of a height difference!

Second Matchup, I match you with Byakuya Twogami from v2!

Byakuya would be interested in your different interests, and would like to see you do all of them. He just thinks you’re quite talented!

Byakuya wouldn’t understand your goofing off and jokes at first, but as he came to know you, he would eventually start to laugh at them, maybe even playfully shooting another joke back at you. He truly does get amused over time.

He would be able to handle your mood swings rather well. He would try to calm you down, or cheer you up if you were feeling upset. He’s good with emotions, so that would be a good thing on your part.

You both tend to take care of others and try to make sure they’re alright, though Byakuya might take a more leadership approach to it. You’re a good duo— He can give you courage to speak up when you need it, and you can try to calm his nerves and make sure that he isn’t leading things too far.

Byakuya would be good at listening to your vents. He would always know the right thing to say, and do his best to make you feel better when you’re down. He would hate seeing you sad.

As a whole, I think you two would work well together because you have the same goals. You both want the best for everyone, and will do your best to help that goal be achieved. Your personalities may clash a little, but nonetheless, you’re good to help each other out, and you two would eventually notice the feelings you end up sharing.

Thanks for sending in this request! I hope you’re happy with the matchups ^^" if you feel this is inaccurate, then don’t be afraid to shoot me another request! I’d be happy to retry if this wasn’t what you were looking for :)

-Mod Kirumi

[ri-boo]

If you don’t mind me asking, why did you choose to do drugs even though you knew they were bad for you? Why did you form an addiction and to what? And why did you relapse? I’m not sure if I’m asking this sort of thing right because words are hard but they’re just questions I have. I feel like I might be being insensitive a bit but I’m curious and you seem very open to talking about this sort of thing. I apologize if I’m wrong.

Hello anon. I do not mind answering some of these questions because I tend to be pretty open about this sort of thing on my tumblr and am always open to questions but I want you to keep in mind that there are usually pretty complicated and sensitive answers to these questions. At least for a lot of people I know. A lot of people probably wouldn’t be willing to answer any of these asked this way or by a stranger. And if you ever do ask anyone these questions, please be open minded and non judgmental about their answers.

I started doing drugs like a lot of people- as a stupid teenager who partied and hang around the wrong crowds. I also had the added self destructive tendencies, untreated bipolar and adhd, as well as a shitty home life to top it off. I experimented with a lot of things and became dependent on more than one substance. And it got bad. To the point where I was visibly sick and struggling to get through school or function. I ended up dropping out my senior year and eventually got away from home and to a better place where I was able to get sober with a support system. A few years, relapses and retries later and I was on a 6 month streak until recently.

I’ll spare you all the details of my relapse and OD, they’re not fun and I’m not proud of them at all. And it’s difficult to really give a why to my recent relapse. But I’m currently two months sober at the moment with a steady job and continuing education.

Just gotta keep going. One relapse doesn’t mean it’s over and doesn’t erase all the progress I’ve achieved so far. It just means I have to do better.

I hope this answered some of your questions at least, anon! Sorry guys for the long and probably unwanted post but hey! I like answering your guy’s questions.

<3

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Ghenshau, Breezes-Still-and-Ripples-Cease

Lawful Good Archon Empyreal Lord of Ignorance, Placidity, and Simplicity

Domains: Community, Good, Law, Repose Subdomains: Ancestors, Archon, Home, Loyalty

Chronicles of the Righteous, pg. 13

Obedience: Bury a book or scroll that you have never read in fertile soil. Plant a seed above the buried knowledge and pray over the site that good and growth can come from the decaying parchment. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred bonus on saving throws against Transmutation effects.

In the average travels of an adventurer, you’re liable to cross a bounty of books and scrolls which hold no magic but whose knowledge is an untapped resource. Sometimes, though, you’ll cross some diabolist trove, or some corrupt banker’s records, or scrolls potentially holding hazardous runes and glyphs. But why simply burn them when you could do so much more? Slam all of them into your Bag of Holding and be off with your bag of seeds, on your merry way!

The stipulation that whatever mulch you’re planting must be something you’ve never read, meaning that unless you have a significant backlog of mulch, you’re going to have to ignore any curiosity you may possess... Even if the book may possess knowledge that could aid you. Even if the scroll is obviously magical. But! You can avoid destroying actual useful material by just buying a whole bunch of throwaway scrolls and books. You can also have your allies simply write out a bunch of thoughts they’d like buried and bury them as a way of helping them cope with whatever myriad problems may plague them. It’s free therapy!

Boons are gained slowly, typically achieved once you reach 12, 16, and 20 Hit Dice. Followers of the Empyreal Lords, however, can enter the Mystery Cultist Prestige Class at level 8, which grants them their Boons much quicker! Entered as early as possible, you gain the Boons at levels 10, 13, and 16 instead. Mystery Cultists MUST take the Celestial Obedience feat, NOT Deific Obedience.

Empyreal Lords do not grant the typical Evangelist/Exalted/Sentinel spread (and cannot enter those classes), instead having only one set of Boons granted to their followers regardless of their class.

Boon 1: Peacefulness. Gain Erase 3/day, Calm Emotions 2/day, or Deep Slumber 1/day.

Deep Slumber is unquestionably powerful, able to knock out foes roughly on par with your party’s strength if obtained at level 10, or slap down between 2 or 3 lesser enemies in pre-boss encounters. Being a mind-affecting, compulsion, and sleep effect means there’s a LOT of enemies completely unaffected by it, but the ever-common humanoids will still drop like flies if slapped with Deep Slumber. It’s also useful for nonlethally capturing someone!

Erase and Calm Emotions are both niche-use spells, The power to remove magical sigil traps is useful, but most of them are sprung by mere proximity, and Erase only works on magical writing if you’re touching the rune. While a kind DM may give you a single chance to try and dispel the hazardous runes, you must still succeed on a caster level check (DC 15), with failure triggering the rune. Plus, it doesn’t even work on Symbol spells, which are the ones you’d REALLY want to destroy!

Calm Emotions blasts an area with chill vibes, potentially de-escalating a fight you want no part of and retrying a failed attempt at Diplomacy, and it’s also useful for handling rampaging beasts who would otherwise be no threat to a party. It can also be used to deny enemies morale bonuses from their spells, items, or any nearby Bards, and if used defensively it can shut down fear and confusion effects for as long as you can hold concentration. It’s a good spell to have whether you plan on dungeon delving OR social interactions!

Boon 2: Ignorance. 3/day, you can attempt a melee touch attack; on a successful hit, the target takes a penalty to Wisdom equal to 1d6 + 1 per 2 HD you possess (maximum 1d6+5, to a minimum Wisdom score of 1). This penalty lasts for 1 round per HD. If the target succeeds at a Fortitude save (DC 10 + 1/2 your HD + your Wis modifier), the penalty is halved.

The fact it can’t bring their Wisdom to 0 means that this ability is really only good against creatures whose spellcasting relies on Wisdom or whose special abilities scale off their Wisdom, a list that is incredibly small. Really, only enemy Divine casters are at all punished by this spell, as knowing what enemies have abilities that scale off Wisdom relies too much on metagame knowledge. For every other monster and enemy in the world, the only real difference between 1 Wisdom and 100 is how easily they can spot you before battle begins, and if you’re slapping them so hard that they can’t see straight, chances are battle has already begun.

I suppose there’s more narrow uses, like booping someone’s Wisdom down just before having the party face lie to them, but the ability is written in the book as “wiping away the cares of the wicked,” so the target will immediately know you’ve done something to them as swaths of their personality are briefly paved over. I suppose it’s worth noting that this ability isn’t dealing ability score damage and isn’t listed as a mind-affecting effect, allowing it to affect Undead, Constructs, Plants, Dragons, and other such creatures, but the inability to drop their score below 1 means you can’t knock them out with it anyway.

In tandem with a Wisdom-damaging poison or effect, this ability is good, but killing someone after rendering them temporarily insane isn’t a very Good thing to do. This Boon is, ultimately, pretty disappointing...

Boon 3: Still Mind. You are continually shielded as if by a Mind Blank spell. If anyone attempts to divine information about you through Scry or similar spells and is foiled by the Mind Blank, the scrier must succeed at a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 your HD + your Wis modifier) or take 1d6 points of Intelligence damage.

... while THIS one is much better. The eternal shroud of Mind Blank makes you impossible to track or divine with magic, meaning you’ll never get Scry-And-Die’d by an enemy, and your foes will be completely unable to figure out anything about you via magic. Unfortunately, in the hands of a player, this effect is much less useful; by level 16, any recurring foes you may have will already know the tricks you can pull, while non-recurring ones will likely not have a chance to scry on you before your team is kicking down their door.

Plus, even if they can’t see you, your allies aren’t protected... though anyone viewing your party through magical sensors still won’t see you, meaning you’ll at least catch them by surprise by being an extra body. Stealth missions are also way easier for you! Enemies with sensors throughout their dungeons are in for a world of hurt, because every time you appear in their field of vision, they get pinged for 1d6 Int damage. I’m endlessly amused by the idea of eventually getting to the Big Boss’ room only to find them face-down on the floor in a pool of their own drool because they kept getting slapped for 3~4 Int damage every time they got curious about the adventurers rampaging around their halls.

I enjoy that Mind Blank thwarts Detect X spells and See Invisibility as well. Get your foe in a catch-22 by turning yourself invisible--not only will they be unable to see you, but even trying gets them hit for 1d6 Int damage! The real important bit about Mind Blank for a player character, though, is the incredible +8 bonus it gives to saving throws against mind-affecting effects; mind-affecting effects at high levels simply end encounters, and having a massive, nigh-insurmountable bonus to resist them means enemy casters can end up wasting precious time trying to hit you with Dominate or Charm effects, only to watch them harmlessly bounce off your Still Mind.

This is a MIGHTY defensive Boon, and it’s even better if you began your career as a martial class (you don’t need to be a caster to become a Mystery Cultist)! A free Mind Blank on your sword-and-boarding self is a huge brick wall between your enemies and your allies, one that few will be able to get past without getting very, very lucky.

You can read more about Ghenshau here.