#every time i get my nails done
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feeling like myself again
#every time i get my nails done#i think about how the first time i ever got then done in 2018 before prom#they were $25 bucks#LOL#and now it’s nowhere near that#i personally think $25 for fresh acrylics is too low#i think what i pay now is perfect
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i swear if qforever doesnt get a nice and healing reunion with richas and tallulah i am exploding that server myself
#txt post#cw caps#a shit ton of caps in the tags#HOW HARD IS IT TO WISH THIS CUBITO SOME FUCKING HAPPINESS#EVERY TIME I REMEMBER ABT FOREVER CUBITO I FEEL AWFUL MY LITTLE GUY HASNT HAD A BREAK IN SO LONG#MOSTLY CUZ PEOPLE CONSTANTLY GIVE HIM SHIT AND ISOLATE HIM SINCE HE'S THE FUCKING PRESIDENT NOW AND DONT EVEN TREAT HIM AS MUCH OF A FRIEND#ANYMORE AND JUST HOLD HIM AT ARMS REACH. HE FEELS ALONE AND HOPELESS#LITERALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT STILL TREAT HIM LIKE THEY TREATED HIM BEFORE THE WHOLE PRESIDENT THING BULLSHIT IS HIS DAMN FAMILY AND PHIL#AND MAYBE BAGHS TOO I CANT REMEMBER#man feels like no one trusts him anymore cuz hes “part of the feds” when he's not actually as involved as people make it seem#literally the only official mission he has ever done for the feds was the whole go to the nether get lost lmao L bozo#his position in the federation can literally just be reduced to the one who represents the islanders as a whole in the eyes of the feds#like god every time someone refers to him by his actually name instead of “the president” an angel regains its wings#cuz yeah he has to carry the burden of his position but that doesnt mean im not allowed to complain that everyone is pushing him away for i#like fuck. phil telling him that he trusts him and cares about him before forever went to the nether meant the fucking world to him#“phil nailed it down in the minute what was happening. im glad i can rely on him” <- not verbatim but like. cmon
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something#but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller#which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this#and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely#oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart#so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar#i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to#because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of#its probably the resilience though#im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically#this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it#just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear#it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts#this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement#what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again#if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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tagged by @bubblegumflavor & @darthdisco thank you both!
Rules: color the sentence that's true about you
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
nuance in the tags in case you were wondering!
unsure who to tag next but if you see this and want to do it tag meeeeee i love these y'all know this <3
#i don't personally paint my own nails but i AM a nail girly i get them done once a month and yes i get fun little designs every time#(i am literally know for my nails at work my team loves to pick what designs i get each month they're all invested)#running is technically a sport and *can* play piano just out of practice :)#i am conversational in spanish elementary in french and i used to be much better at calabrese as a child but i'm working on it!#i have had the same group of best friends since i was 15 and one of them will be here TOMORROW just to go see new found glory with me <3#tag game
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Every year since I turned 28 has been totally different from the last... But one thing that's consistent is that every year is worse than the last and my self esteem is constantly dropping. I don't even like seeing myself anymore. Every year someone says something about "omg this year is going by so faaast. January is just a few months awayyyy" and I realize I'm only a few months away from being a whole year older.
And then there's the people constantly making jokes about how "26 is basically expired in the desi community"... Meanwhile I'm sitting there like 🙂🙂🙂.
It's honestly exhausting.
#and every time i think ok this is it#im going back to the gym#im fixing my diet#im gonna go get my nails done#WHATEVER IT IS that I j want to do to feel better#i get sick#and stuck in bed for days#and because of my asthma my illness lingers for WEEKS#i literally just started breathing normal again#and here i am#i booked an eyebrow appointment but I cant lay down without coughing my lungs out????#like seriously????#p
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Procrastinating so hard even though this is a fun topic about my embarrassing old interest... It's literally an excuse to infodump WHY am I procrastinating 😭
#🤓posting#I need to seriously start though bc this is due tomorrow and I have to make a physical zine (for the first time ever)#because I decided to commit to that for some reason 😭#procrstinated so hard that I painted THREE layers of nail polish (I am usually very lazy with it. so)#and waited for it to dry all the way and everything LMAO#sorry for all the school posting lately I have had a very stressful week lolol#I will be done with projects after Monday and then on spring break the next week so yay#and my transient school is on spring break rn#but I'm moving soon (not out of town yet; my mom is moving houses down the street actually haha) so I'll be busy with that#also why do I keep getting ed tumblr (idk if it has a specific community name or whatever) tags recommended when I type in tags 😭#every time I start a tag with 'I want' or 'I need' I get these tags recommended..... I don't want to have to block all of them UGH#I actually don't think I have any filtered tags rn#anyway sorry for the ramble I'm gonna go work.... not now but soon lol. byeeee
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the way i have a pavlovian need to get whatever nail color hima tells me to
#every time i get my nails done i tell her her pick a color for me#and then i Have to get that color (in my brain)#this time it's green if anyone was wondering
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ok my acrylics are off, my nails are so beat up and it kinda sucks not to have a nice pedi + mani but like, priorities
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I am trapped in a waiting room with people who aren't masked, and the TV is playing a terrible morning show with segments like "is oat milk horchata good for weight loss?" And "if we gather all the mentally ill people in New York and put them in hospitals, subways will be safer!!!"
The boops are all I have right now. The last thing I can use to grasp onto a world that makes sense.
#offline life#getting the car inspected every year is a special hell#i don't talk in the theater! why is this happening to me!!#also it's raining#on the flip side#my car is taking so long that the nail salons might be open by the time it's done#then i can get a manicure and face wax#maybe even a tiny cake#but until then#it's the boops for me
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𝕸𝖞 𝕳𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖓𝖆𝖎𝖑𝖘 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖐𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖗 🦴
#bones#me#mine#skeleton#skeleton crew#spooky girls#spooky girl#Halloweenie#halloween queen#halloween#halloween girl#nails#gel nails#goth girl#goth girls#Goth#goth aesthetic#creepy aesthetic#dark aesthetic#aesthetic#I loved them so much I could do them every time I get my nails done and be happy forever#skeleton girl#skeletal#in this moment#favourite songs#favorite songs#Spotify
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Instagram is so annoying with the recommendations. It doesn't know if I'm a man or a woman or neither so every week is a surprise with what it wants to show me
#literally the algorithm changes every week#this week it thinks I'm a man (gym bro I guess) and that I hate women because 'woman bad. cheats on good bro' or something#last week it thought I was a woman with all these makeup tutorials. no girliepop I don't care about getting my nails professionally done#it has gone through a lot of phases. dogs cats pigs horses. ballerinas. soccer players. thirst traps (both for the male and the female gaze#'oh why don't you just interact with things you want to see' I do I like art related stuff all of the time I don't know why the is like that#the worst ones are the 'fatphobic gym bros'. 'homophobic anyone' and 'pregnancy anything'#anyway#not art#text#me complaining#Instagram
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I was tagged by @allsassnoclass @lover-of-mine
Rules bold the true ones
APPEARANCE
i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards
TALENTS AND HOBBIES
i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand
RELATIONSHIP
i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online
AESTHETIC
i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season
MISC
i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs
TAGGING: anyone who like to share ♥️
#my hair isn’t currently highlighted or dyed but I’ve done it in the past#plastic surgery: I’ve had moles removed for medical reasons not cosmetic but that’s plastic surgery#I paint / get my nails painted like 4 or 5 times a year#generally they aren’t painted so didn’t include#I played sports as a kid but haven’t done it since hs and currently cant so didn’t include#I can play a few songs on a few instruments but I would never be like ‘i play guitar’ you know?#same with languages I could piece together a conversation or read an article in a few other than English but I don’t like SPEAK another#love singing terrible at it#don’t go away every break but fairly frequently imo#I was sort of seeing a guy I met on a dating for a couple months this year but not like in a defined way#I like the beach at high tide lol#I feel like I’ve been to a bonfire but can’t recall when lol#autumn and winter are tied#I like Mexican food it doesn’t like me too much tho#tag games#hazel#allsassnoclass
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