7x10 coda. beware the spoilers
Three months pass, and Eddie still isn’t used to it. It’s too quiet at home, and too awful at work, and he still grabs two bowls every morning even though he’s the only one eating.
He thinks about quitting, again. Leaving behind Captain Asshole and following Christopher to Texas. He knows he can’t. He’d promised. Eddie clenches his fists and forces himself to finish buttoning his uniform.
He sends Christopher a text, the same one he sends every morning, then shuts his phone in his locker.
“Line up in five,” Gerrard bellows from the loft. “If you’re late, you’ll be scrubbing the rig with a toothbrush, no exceptions.”
Eddie stands mechanically and walks over to the bay.
Another day, another goddamn reason to bury himself in blankets and hide until the world ends.
Buck invites him over for dinner most nights, or offers to go home with him. Eddie says no more than he says yes, but Buck… Buck’s always known Eddie better than he knows himself. He doesn’t stop asking.
“C’mon Eddie, it’ll be fun—you, me and Tommy, we can come up with ways to drive Gerrard insane.”
Buck looks at him, soft and imploring, an expression Eddie rarely knows how to refuse. But despite everything that’s happened, Buck’s managed to carve out a small sliver of happiness, and Eddie doesn’t want to drag him down.
“You go ahead,” he says. “I’m picking up half a shift at the 136 tomorrow. Need to get some sleep.”
It’s true and it’s not. He is picking up the shift, but he doubts he’ll sleep.
He goes back to therapy, but he never knows what to say. It was all—everything was in his head, last time. It’s not, now. It’s all real, and it all hurts, and no amount of talking about it makes it hurt any less. He says as much to Frank.
“Then why are you here?” Frank asks.
Eddie looks away. “I don’t know,” he says.
That’s not quite true either.
Kim calls him, and Marisol doesn’t. She leaves voicemail after voicemail, apologizing for that night. Eddie can never bring himself to answer the phone. Eventually, he blocks her number.
He texts his own apology to Marisol, but it never goes through. It’s probably for the best—he doubts the message would’ve made either of them feel better.
Eddie needs—he doesn’t know. Before, he would’ve said time. Now though, he’s got all the time in the world, and he’s desperate to get rid of it.
Buck calls. Eddie can’t answer him, either. He lets it ring out, then listens to the voicemail.
“Hey Eds, it’s me. I uh—just wanted to check in. It’s been a couple days. Call me when you can.”
Eddie tells himself he will, but he has no idea when that’ll be.
Christopher doesn’t text him, but he does text Buck.
Eddie never asks what he says, and Buck usually doesn’t offer to tell him.
“Just—he’s okay, right?”
Buck smiles, a little bit sad, and leans into Eddie’s space. “He’s okay,” he says. “He misses you, even if he’s not ready to tell you that.”
Tears streak down Eddie’s face before he even realizes he’s crying. Buck wipes one away and pulls him against his chest.
“What if he never comes home,” Eddie whispers into the soft material of Buck’s sweater.
“He will,” Buck replies. “He will.”
Good morning, Eddie texts on the one hundred and second day since Christopher left. I love you, and I hope you have a good day.
He drops his phone on the table and tries not to hope for a response. A second later, though, it dings. Eddie’s heart leaps into his throat as he scrambles to open the message.
Morning, Dad.
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