neizvestny-nz

[deepseavibez]

Blindspot || KTH

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Blindspot [Taehyung x Reader]

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Genre - Best Friend; Fear of the Future; Nighttime Memories; Mixed Feelings;

Summary - She believed in more. In better. In bigger. That life was out there waiting to be grabbed with both hands. He's made it his sole purpose to remind her that simple moments were beautiful and meant to be enjoyed... and maybe, she would realize he was one of them.

Warning - (Slight) Angst; Anxiety; Unsure feelings; Fear of the Future; Fluff; Comfort;

Word Count - 4.7k

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🎶 - I'm Fine - BTS

TAE

‘Tae.’

‘Y/n?’ He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the time, ‘it’s 3am babe.’

‘... I'm sorry for waking you. Sorry. Go back to sleep, it's okay.’

‘Hey, no, no, I'm awake.’ Sitting up, he switched the phone to his other hand and rubbed at his eyes, ‘What's going on.’

‘It’s not important, I swear,’ he could hear her trying to mask her shakiness over the phone. ‘You can go back to sleep.’

He wouldn’t call her out on lying. He knew better than anyone when y/n was in a bad way. Once he asked her, specifically him, what was wrong, she would crumble and he wasn’t there to catch her right now. ‘Y/n. Come on, talk to me.’

‘I can't sleep.’

‘Yeah, no shit,’ he yawned back.

‘I'm so sorry for waking you.’ He could hear the trepidation in her voice.

‘You know better than to apologize for something like that, ‘ he chastised. ‘Babe, tell me about it. Was it a bad dream? Something keeping you up?’

----------

Y/N

You could hear shuffling over the phone as you searched for an answer. It was hard to put certain emotions into words. You only knew you needed to phone Tae, regretting it too late, when he actually answered. ‘I'm not sure,’ you started awkwardly, ‘I guess. I just don't know where I'm going.’

‘Do you plan on leaving me anytime soon?’ Already pulling your leg, he got you to roll your eyes.

‘No, of course not. I just mean, like, metaphorically.’

Things were a bit...confusing right now.

It had been a long time since you last had to deal with emotions this strong. The voices, getting harder to ignore. You had enough outside negativity to deal with, like family and some friends, all having this certain expectation from you.

It was new for you to rebel, to be who you wanted to be and feel how you wanted to feel without consequences. Choosing a life you solely strived toward, negating the tiny voice in your head saying you were wasting time and you were running out of time and you were not enough.

‘I don't know what I want to do, Tae!’ You burst out, the build up too long, the burden too heavy. ‘I don't have plans. I have a great job, I do. But I don't want to be a PA for the rest of my life and I don't know where to start, where to look, how to choose what I want to do.

I don’t have it figured out, it hasn’t fallen onto my lap, and when I look, I feel like I’m going to waste even more time looking.’

‘Y/n, you know you have a lot more figured out than you give yourself credit for.’ The huskiness of his sleep-leaden voice, comforted you. ‘You have money, a routine stable job, you've worked you way through university and graduated with honors.’ Taehyung did it without effort and he knew you would hear his gruff tone above all others, in a crowd, in a panic, as a voice of reason.

‘I know, and I keep trying to remind myself of that, but it’s just become unbearable. I am running out of time.’ Struggling to remain composed you spoke into the phone as if he was right here, ‘What if I'm still here in ten years, Tae? What if I don't ever figure out my purpose? What if I'm meant to just work and then die? I haven't lived! I haven’t seen the world. I’ve made everyone proud and now I’m the black sheep. I prefer it, It's just-,’

The sound of keys jangling cut you off.

‘Tae,’ you asked tentatively, confusion evident.

‘Hmm.’

‘What are you doing?’ You asked when he provided no further explanation.

‘Are you in pj's right now?’

‘Uh,’ you looked down at your white vest and underwear, just to make sure, ‘yeah, why?’

‘Miss y/n, I didn't know you slept in the nude.’

The protests left you immediately at his teasing, slithering heat under your skin at the very notion. ‘Tae! I am not sleeping in the nude, I have underwear on.’

‘Uh huh, what color are they?’ Your cheeks flamed in embarrassment. You could imagine his smirk, that dumb cocky, arrogant smirk.

He laughed, the sound gruff, infuriating you more, and causing you to giggle back. Because you were the butt of the joke, and you liked his laugh too much. Trying to be mad at him, even when play-fighting or harmless bantering, Taehyung, not a chance.

‘Listen,’ a seriousness settling between you, ‘get dressed, just sweatpants, and a shirt.’

‘Wait, what, why,’

‘Baby, listen for once. Just get dressed and give me five minutes.’

You looked at the blank screen, stunned. Your brain stuck at the word baby, and the effect it had. Your insides were mush, anxiety mollified, despite not knowing what he was about to do next.

‘Babe’, you knew, ‘babe’, you understood, that was normal, routine, best friend. But Baby?

You mulled over it as you discarded your vest, and threw on a loose Celine shirt. Pulling on your black sweats, a pair of socks and air force ones because who knows what this boy was up to, you stopped. You sniffed, once, twice, yep, that was Taehyung’s body wash, but what - oh, you tugged the loose collar toward your nose, yep, this was Tae’s shirt.

You composed yourself, almost deadpan at the small realization. When had he even stripped in your room and why weren’t you there.

Wrapping your messy hair into a bun, you restrained your mind from wandering further.

Your phone beeped from the bed and the screen lit up, a message popping up. ‘Look out your window.’

Peeping out you saw his black Jeep in your driveway. He popped his head out of the driver’s side window and did a two finger salute.

Shaking your head with a smile, you grabbed your phone and made your way downstairs through the house and out the front door.

‘What are you doing here,’ you asked as soon as he came into view. He looked good, white tee, black sweatpants, you matched, except for his leather jacket and red bandana.

He opened the passenger door on your side and leaned back, giving you a once over. His lips twitched as he rested his eyes on the shirt you wore. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he wanted you in his shirt. You raised your eyebrow playfully, refusing to give life to something like butterflies and heart-eyes when your best friend stood in front of you. Life was complicated enough.

‘You needed me to show up.’ He said it a matter-of-factly, but you knew he wanted to be there for you and you couldn’t, not feel grateful, and a little warm, that he would get into his car drive to you, all because you needed him to.

Not waiting for you to reply, he threw a jersey at you. ‘Its cold,’ his tone left no room for protest and he cocked his head toward the jeep, a sign to get in.

You wrapped it around you silently, not moving, not yet.

‘Well,’ his thumb curled around the top of the steering wheel as the rest of his fingers straightened out, his freehand rising to follow his question, ’Come on, get in.’

‘Where are we going?’ You would have gotten in, you would probably end up wherever he was going to take you anyway, but where was the fun in doing everything obediently. Even puppies had wild streaks.

He raised his eyebrow this time, a smirk teasing his cheek, 'You're brave every night, y/n. But not tonight, not while you're with me, come, trust me, wherever we go I'll keep you safe.'

You turned to close and lock the front door, breathing out slowly, as slow and low as you could, doing your best to work on the constriction around your heart; his words too wiry, too strong, too genuine to forget, too deep to ignore. It made you so... agreeable.

Getting into the Jeep, you felt different as you sat here now, in a seat you had been in too many times to count. It was probably the time and the circumstances. Yeah, some shifts were just because of the time, and the air and because it was silent and the dead of night.

You said nothing more, even though a few minutes earlier you spoke into the phone like you would explode if you couldn’t get the words out fast enough, you would be alone in your head, if you weren’t able to make him understand.

You jumped slightly, as you felt his hand close over yours, and pull it toward him to brush his lips along your knuckles. It was an absent action, maybe, because he stared straight ahead, didn’t spare a glance at you as you stared at the side of his head, making it look like he wasn’t even aware he was doing what he was doing.

Swallowing against the pounding of your heart, you chalked this up too. Night time was vulnerable, everyone was just a little more sensitive, you didn’t have to make it more than it needed to be.

Looking out the window you noted the lights and dark windows, empty parks and streets, doing your best to ignore the heat against your hand, the breath against your knuckles, lips not very far away, that were capable of a lot more.

With some effort, you faded out the intensity of his actions, and as your eyes adjusted you saw familiar figures, and buildings you had driven past numerous times. You knew where you were going.

He pulled up in the parking lot of his safe haven. In retrospect, your safe place should be entirely different, but you were safe with Tae, that said, his peace was where you found yours.

Jumping out of the Jeep, you noted how dark and looming the two story building looked. A huge sign reading 'Blindspot' the only posh part about this place, black metal roller doors, spray painted names across the walls, some of the neon colors standing luminescent against the moonless night.

One would think it was graffiti, but the community knew better, the ones that came and went, some that stopped and never left, knew having your name on the wall was a privilege.

He jumped out too, after grabbing something from the back. Carrying it toward you, you noted his knapsack, and a box of some sort.

Handing it over to you to hold, you took hold of them silently, as he pulled out the keys to open the locks and deadbolt.

You watched him, his actions purposeful but he was at home, knowing which way the locks turned, the catch on the bolt needing to be kicked out a certain way before opening fully; he'd done this a thousand times before.

Lifting up the shutters, the noise too loud for the silent night, he opened the door and guided you in, making you all too aware of his palm in the small of your back. Taking the stuff from your hand and throwing it onto the edge of the ring and he lifted up to close the shutters behind you.

You took notice of the extra shirt that falls out of the pile on the ring, one of your favorites of his actually, grey with black spots, sort of like a giant cookies and cream oreo mix.

The empty gym in front of you was a contrast to the busy days it had. There was a weight section, the bags lined up against the far wall hanging still, having no impact thrown at it to sway the dead weight, and the machines had their own floor upstairs, treadmills overlooking the balustrades to the floor below, by the ring where you stood.

The pool area, directly below you, in the basements where the changing rooms and showers could be found.

It looked small on the outside, but inside there were stories to be told, motivation, encouragement, brotherhood, friendships solidified in stone and a fair share of violent memories with broken bones, broken bonds and broken hearts.

Walls were packed with quotes, anatomy teachings and pictures, schedules, a dedicated to growing trophy case with medals and newspaper clippings, and pictures of staff, members, and the boss, with his best friend.

What Tae didn't continue, was the stereotype of the grunge masculine look that came with gyms. Outside may be black as night, but inside there was color everywhere - a world within.

The punching bags were each a different shade, green, red, yellow and blue. The ring bottom was black, neon orange ropes running along the sides in three consecutive lines, and your personal favorite, a giant pride flag hung on a hook outside his office door.

Toxic masculinity wasn't allowed in Taehyung's gym. You could be yourself, make your own lifestyle choices and still be a good fighter or just work-out. He took it upon himself to punch the teeth out of anyone that thought otherwise. This was what he'd always wanted to do and he made it more than just a place to get healthy.

There were four hours, two for the morning, two for the afternoon, catered only to women. Tae understood that men will be men, no matter how much you tried to change it. And comfort mattered.

Working out and exercising, as much as it seemed, like a chore, it could be enjoyable. It could be a social setting, helping people to open up, and cope, providing the best way for them to be themselves.

You helped him find a premises, helped him choose color schemes, and sat in on interviews. For legal purposes you were an advisor and owned a small share percentage. You didn't want it, but Tae insisted, you were especially grateful when the gym grew into more than you both had expected it to become.

'Y/n,' he waved his hand in front of your face, the action snapping you out of your thoughts.

'Huh, sorry, did you say something?'

He smiled comfortingly, 'Take the jacket off and your shoes.'

Scrunching your eyebrows, you finally asked, 'Tae, what are we doing here?'

'We are,' he started explaining as he ripped open a box in his hand, 'doing something I feel you need.'

Looking at you pointedly, he motioned his eyes to the jacket.

Shucking it off, you took off your shoes and redid your bun for good measure.

'It's strange isn't it,' you voiced out loud. He perked up at your food for thought, fingers fiddling with white tape. 'It's strange, that I know every corner of this place, but I haven't ever put a pair of gloves on.'

He raised his hand absently, a student raising his hand to give an answer, his gaze focused on yours as he did. 'That's because you've never had the need to, I'm here to protect you.'

Turning away, you caught yourself, before you let your heart show in your eyes. You've known Tae for so long, been his best friend for years, why now, why this feeling, this tightness in your chest.

You played it off, and walked over to him, socked feet padding against the wooden floor boards.

Taehyung clicking his tongue startled you out of your effort to feel normal; you found him staring at your socks.

'Y/n, I've told the guys this numerous times, you can't spar in the boxing section with socks. It's a slipping hazard.' No trace of the out of the blue romantic words, he bent down easily removing them from your feet one after the other.

It would be weird, if you weren't already so used to his skinship, his cuddling when he slept over, his hand straying over your shoulder on the couch, or brushing against your waist when he passed you. Yet, his thumb, on your ankle, his hand as he circled and held it, even for just the moment that he laid your foot down after taking off the sock, you felt… taken.

You wanted to snort, the wording completely off, I mean, he had a right over you, always had but-

He came into focus, looking up at you from where he sat, and asked lightly,' Do you wash these.'

Your mouth dropped open, as you watched him hold your purple socks in between two fingers, like it would bite him, or the smell would.

Your knee nudged at the side of his face playfully as you reached to pull him up. He took your socks, holding them properly now and put them in his bag, picking up the white tape he was fidgeting with earlier.

'So, will I be sparring with you today?' You were excited now. You had watched people vent and let themselves be free as they learned technique, let themselves be violent without consequences, the satisfaction on their faces after their sessions.

When he finally reaches you again he finds the catch and opens it out. White athletic tape, used to make arms and wrists stiffer, and to provide better grip, even with sweat and slick.

'No, not today. Let's focus on getting you worked up and tired. If you enjoy it, I'll gladly let you go toe to toe with me.' His eyes held a challenge, an underlying meaning evident.

Offering your hands up freely, he taped your wrists and fingers, you've seen him do it many times, just never on your wrists. Experimentally you shook out your fingers and bent and scrunched your wrist to allow for the right amount of tightness.

'Cocky, aren't you, Mr. Kim,' you side-eyed him.

He leaned into you, his breath teasing yours, 'I am the Coach here, y/n.' You blinked at the nervous fluttering in your chest, his intimidation, usually not directed so closely to you, doing something you couldn't explain, couldn't quite grasp.

Somehow, you should be scared, but it was, hot.

Leaning into him, breath for breath, you matched up, 'Then teach me.'

A slow smile broke out over his lips, playful Tae was back, it let you navigate things easier, you knew what to expect.

'So, I'm boxing the bag,' you deduced. 'I don't see why I need to tire myself out. I don't know how to do this.'

His palms closed over your cheeks, puffing your face up, emphasizing your pout. 'You are frustrated. You can't do anything about any of your emotions tomorrow, y/n. You have to be patient. You have to remind yourself it's a day at a time that gets you to your future. It will always be about patience.'

'Unfortunately, patience is overrated at something to 4am,’ you complained as he let go of your face and bent down to produce a new set of gloves from under the ring. Opening the zip of the bag, he pushed one toward you.

Shaking his head at your antics, not even phased, he strapped the gloves to both your hands and walked toward a bag. 'Come on, try it.'

'Color?'

'The yellow one.' He made to stand behind the bag you chose, and held either side of it, knees bent slightly in a defensive stance.

Feeling slightly out of place, and awkward, you huffed and punched the bag just to humor him.

You stared at it. The fucking thing didn't even move.

He burst out laughing at the comical look on your face.

'Okay, wait no,' he composed himself and came around you. His breath fanned your neck, giving you goosebumps, as he held your wrists and showed you how to punch. 'So straighten your elbow, like this, and pull it back in and see how the gloves are shaped, your forefingers curl above your thumb, so inside your glove your thumb shouldn't be in the fist.'

Nodding as you took in the new information, you did your best not to get distracted as he continued, all too comfortable in his element.

'When your wrist hits the bag don't curl it, let it face the impact head on. See, this is how you do it, so you don't break your wrist.' He made you punch the bag and showed you where your wrist was bending and how to keep it tight.

'Alright, baby,' that word, that goddamn word, 'you good to try again?'

Closing your eyes and swallowing hard, you nodded in answer and shook your head out of the Tae trance.

'Start with a simple combo this time, Jab, Jab, Uppercut, Hook.' You knew the names and their directions. Jab was straight forward, twice fast on the submissive hand as a set-up, the uppercut from downward into the abdomen or chin, depending, and the hook, from the dominant hand rounding off on the face.

'Think of it all y/n,' he encouraged, as he walked to his original position, 'the people, the words, the expectations, the beating up of yourself you do on a daily basis, and just go for it.'

Spreading your legs in a stance, aiming at the bag on his command, you clenched your fists and focused.

'Go'

----

'And breathe.'

Breathing heavily you fell flat to the floor, and stared up at the ceiling.

Sweat was in your eyes and your hair, but despite being in dire need of a shower, you felt oddly at ease. Tiny zings of exertion shot through your body as your lungs begged for air and you heard your blood rushing.

The roof was really pretty you thought, the wood positioned in long blocks to form and hold up the gable, grabbing your attention for the first time ever.

You blinked as Tae's face came into view, his hands resting on his knees.

He smirked cutely as he brushed your sweat slicked hair out of your eyes and off your face before reaching down to pick you up off the floor.

Handing you a water bottle, you let him manhandle you as he lifted your form to sit on the edge of the ring, launching himself up to sit next to, a second later.

'How do you feel?' He was proud of himself no doubt, after all, his plan did succeed.

You made a face at him, anyway.

'Hey,' he put both his hands up in mock surrender. 'It worked, didn't it.'

You cut him some slack, this time. 'Yeah, I feel icky, but definitely less worked up.'

---------

🎶 - Black Swan - BTS

TAE

Taking a swig of the water you had opened in your hand, he looks at the top of your head as he closes it and puts it away.

'Hey.'

She looks up at him, eyes hooded in exhaustion.

He smiles at her. Despite how much he loved her spitfire, she's adorable when she's not talking back.

He knew of the thoughts that crawled up her spine on a daily basis. He knew she had no plan, and it made her hyper that she didn't have one, but she couldn't make one because, what if she chose wrong.

He wanted to take care of her. He wanted to tell her that she could be whatever she wanted to be, and he would fly her across the ocean if she really wanted it; that she didn't need to worry about life so much because he would always take care of her.

'You're too sad.'

She scrunched her eyebrows at him.

'You have the whole weight of the world on your shoulders and you can't do anything about it.' He chose his next words carefully. 'I wish you could take a breather, and let a thought be a thought instead of picking it apart.'

He held up his hand to her when she made to protest.

'You know, things may not feel okay right now, with work, or at home, and in your head. But I've never seen someone adapt like you have. You bounce back, despite how much grit it takes.'

He took the gloves off her hand and carefully unwinded the tape on her fingers.

'I don't have answers y/n. But I do know you have me for a long time and I'm going to be here as you do your thing.'

Placing pressure on each finger he massaged the tightness out of it and flexed it for her.

'I don't know where you're supposed to go, if you were meant to leave and give me a round-the-world heartbreak, I'm not sure who you're supposed to be, I don't even know if you have a higher purpose, it wouldn't surprise me if you did, but you, y/n,' he heaved a sigh as he faced her, his gaze meeting hers, his next words the most important thing she'd need to remember,' you're a good you.'

As he met her eyes, her breath hitched. He heard it. He could see the flush in her face. He knew he was being honest. He knew he meant every word.

A half smile, a heavy acceptance, hands that were so easy to hold, eyes that were never anything but honest, a bond that all but forced a person to keep swimming. That was Taehyung to y/n. And that was y/n to Taehyung.

'You're a really, good you,' he reinforced. 'Right now, it works. I have a feeling it will work for a very long time.'

'I'm scared.' He could hear it in her voice. He heard it back when she was in her room too.

'Nothing is really set in stone, babe. And even though it does feel like you're running out of time, it's something you can't help. It's not what you want to hear but it's true.'

'How do I stop being sad?'

She was deflecting. But he had said it before, it wouldn't be gone tomorrow. Her anxiety and her fears, they will probably never go away.

She had the right way to go about it though. You get through it. Somehow. Some days it's a good cry, some days it's with a punching bag, and some days, it was with a best friend.

'See, now that's why you have me.' He answered confidently, as he put his chest out, his need to have her be okay, her smile, her laugh, his only intentions, his favorite thing these days.

'Oh really, you, why, because you're a clown.'

He feigned offense at the statement. 'Excuse me, I am not a clown, ask anyone that comes in for the 5am rush.'

She looked up at the clock in shock, it was really going half-four. She turned back to him sadly, 'I kept you up all night.'

'It was a fun night,' he replied, the teasing of many other ways to keep him up on the tip of this tongue, deciding against it, he looked away from her. 'You needed me, no amount of sleep is worth that.'

He didn't explain himself, he really didn't mind the lack of sleep. He could easily catch a nap in his office, or head home after half a day. But this, this moment with his best friend, that he wanted to be more, he knew he wouldn't choose to be anywhere else. He knew he'd do it over again too.

Pushing off the ring he grabbed the knapsack and handed her his shirt. 'Change out of that shirt, and use this one, you'll catch a cold, because of the sweat. And let's get you home, you need a hot shower, and sleep. I'll drop by for dinner after work too.'

Finally turning to her, he found she hadn't moved an inch, unshed tears in her eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled her toward him, sweat and all, and held her in his arms. 'You're first y/n, you'll always be first.'

A tender kiss on her head, his words rendering her speechless, and he knew uncharted waters were on the horizon.

This night, things that he'd said, the ways in which she responded, it was going to shift things for them.

But silence was comfortable for them. And she drank his share of coffee while he ate her share of pineapple, because he couldn't stand coffee and she hated pineapple. And he could hold her in his arms and she'd use his shirt while they slept.

It would start small, but he'd show her, the future was bright, she was deserving of more than she understood, she would be protected from her family and expectations and she would learn to remember, purpose or no purpose she wasn't alone, she never would be again.

[shirtlesssammy]

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Then:

Dean used his words to save the world once

Now:

At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building. 

Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.

Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast. 

Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.

Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.

Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.) 

The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him. 

Jack posits that this all seems demonic. 

Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.) 

A demon appears. 

He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave.  “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds. 

At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial. 

Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…

Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam! 

(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)

Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away. 

Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home. 

Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL. 

Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her. 

She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together.  (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.) 

Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people. 

And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh. 

Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor. 

Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!

Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi. 

At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!

Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)

The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.

They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world. 

Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh. 

They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.

Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary. 

Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger. 

He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.

That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.

Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder. 

For So Strong Science:

Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay. 

Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas. 

Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.

Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.” 

Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…” 

FADE. TO. BLACK.  

The Se7en Deadly Quotes:

You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch

You look greener than Baby Yoda

“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”

There were too many cats

Where can I find the Kool-Aid?

I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person

It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[queersatanic]

the devil runs Black & Red

The Philosophy of Defiance

or, A Pardon for Cain (1854)

by Félix Pignal

… Give me any epithets you wish; I accept them all in advance. I have only one thought, and envision only one glory: it is to strike everywhere and always, as much as I can, at the principle of domination. Satan, in his revolt, is my father, and, in his courage, Cain is my brother!

… We do not take a single step in society without hearing that human beings must believe in a God, in a sovereign being, master of all things, according to whose absolute will everything occurs, whether for good or ill.

Well, I claim bluntly that this doctrine is the source of all our miseries and that those—too numerous, alas!—who maintain it, as much by cunning as through ignorance or fanaticism, constantly dig beneath our feet the abyss which must swallow us.

… Some mistreat others,—that is beyond doubt,—and in order to safeguard ourselves against rebellion, we have invented the belief in God.

I will go further, and say that in order to believe in a supreme being, the mistreated have no need of teaching; from that side, the movement of the soul is inevitable.

Yes, it is when we are, so to speak, abandoned by everyone, that our minds seek the support of an unknown being; and so long as he remains a brother to us, a friend, it is from him that we await the consolations that our sufferings demand…

… A tooth for a tooth! The law of the jungle. Such is the combat that we must still make against the divinity… First, why do we tremble at this audacity? Isn’t humanity, under the weight of its sorrows, at bay, at the last extremities? So it no longer has anything to lose… Courage in the attack! Courage! Our servility offers us a glorious pretext which would, by itself, justify our rebellion. And since we honor a people when they know how to overthrow a tyrant, what would be the grandeur of our triumph, if we succeeded in destroying the principle of tyranny!

There is a fact, and it is that tyranny is an evil more violent than all the evils which could result from our independence. That is why each of us should seek to belong to ourselves, in order that human tribulations (if we must still have them) might not be the result of a shameful mistake, and that the vicious should always be disgraceful in our eyes, for God is an imaginary torch, so fatal to humanity that he guides it in paths contrary to its happiness and renders society guilty before the criminal that it punishes!

With God, man is given the odious chore of torturing his fellows and the victims the shame of patiently bearing the oppression!

Thus marches society, loaded down with the chains that it imposes on itself! Ashamed of the blood that covers it! Without respect for its own tears, and stuffed full with a crime which will choke it, if a plerosis does not save it from its last bout…

… But the only God which it seems tolerable for me to avow, assuming that name should not disappear from every language, has no absolute will over us: it is the intellectual fluid, having the universe for reservoir, which is refined in the springs of our imagination, more mysteriously still than the nutritious juices of the earth being distributed to the roots of the plants that absorb them. This fluid gives some abilities which are ruled by no other laws than those that we impose on them…

… Still, we dare to give him (God) the name of Almighty Father! A thing which undoubtedly imposes on us the title of Brothers… Truly, wouldn’t it make you shudder with horror if you knew some less powerful father who would allow his own children to tear each other to pieces, before his very eyes! It is barbarians who have created this vampire in their image!…

How could we believe in liberty if the mind warps itself so easily in favor of dependency? As long as the mind will bear any subordination, the body must endure servitude. This is a deadly, but inevitable, consequence of every belief in God.

Thus, let us first teach the children their duties with regard to their fellows, instead of accustoming their imaginations to the mysteries, and later, if they want, they can discuss eternal visions. There will then be many fewer head cases and more honest folk in society…

… The tears, the moans—and the arms—of those who suffer, have still not been able to change anything about their appalling condition…

What good is it to revolt today, if tomorrow you reestablish or allow to be reestablished the colossus which crushes you; if tomorrow, in other forms, you reconstruct the teeth that bite you, the jaw that crushes you, the throat that swallows you, and the stomach which digests you; if tomorrow, in short, the authority that you have overthrown, is reborn fresh and even stronger, and consequently more violent and more redoubtable? What good is that? Tell me.

For a number of years, the democracy was astonished to see its soldiers so scattered and discordant; but I say that nothing is less astonishing. The division of interests divides the interested parties… Let us console ourselves, however, for despite everything nature is emerging and the democracy, refining itself, is inclined to follow nature’s laws. So there is no longer but one cry: the call for independence…

… Property, such as it exists today, is the fruit of a law upheld by some skilled sorts who want to live at the expense of those that they dominate. Like all human laws, it is unjust and murderous, not really creating happiness for anyone, not even those that it protects… Understood as it is presently, property is the source of all evils!…

… It is not, however, property alone that stems from the meanness, the cruelty, the vengeance, and the laziness of which so many of our fellows are accused!

Misfortune makes us mean, the lack of everything makes us thieving and disheartened, and a false principle warps humans to the point of not loving their fellows, of being harmful rather than devoted to them.

To maintain this principle and perpetuate its crime, we feign to guarantee the public repose by increasing the number of police, by building new prisons, by doubling or tripling the wages of those who forge the chains or fasten them to the feet of the exploited poor. Ah! If instead of exhausting us, misfortune gave us intelligence, we would see something else entirely, despite the multiplication of the police!…

… If there is, in this world, some real power, it is indeed the reign of tyranny, that colossus with numberless claws, which constantly tears at all the peoples whose palpitating breasts call for liberty.

Certainly, we can find nothing more deplorable than the evils that overflow the earth because of this murderous principle. The kings, who should be for us only free conventions, which we should change as the future brings us new ideas, because often the next day we do not know how to content ourselves with what made us happy the day before, are for most of us heavy chains that hold us riveted to misfortune, while the traitors who attach themselves to us wander at their ease the fields of our prosperity!…

Labor, which should be for individuals only a subject for leisure has become mind-numbing under this insufferable and bloodthirsty empire, because many are required to give of themselves beyond their strength to feed their own executioners!…

… What!… There is not a single place on earth which is not stained with the crime of slavery and oppression. Not a city which has not resounded, as many times as there are grains of sand in its walls, with the cries of the ill-fated and despairing! Could the inner man, whose nature a false principle has still not been able to change, reflect on his unfortunate fellows without a secret power awakening in him, to sleep again only when it has found the salutary concoction with which the poor are spoiled?… The poor are thirsty, and the only drink they demand… is liberty! But an absolute liberty, a liberty without intermediary, a liberty with no other laws than those which germinate in the people. Finally that liberty which is born from independence, and which could only be hostile to those who oversee the workers in order live on their sweat and blood!!

Now, in order to enjoy that liberty, it is necessary to prevent tyranny, and as we have already said: The king is certainly not the only tyrant in a kingdom.

A king is only the summit of a governmental pyramid, the base of which is calculated to maintain it.

As long as that base is not broken up, it would be useless to sacrifice ourselves to knock down its peak in order to acquire liberty…

… To cut off the head of a king, but allow the principle which requires him to remain, a principle which demands that so many other kinglets fatten themselves at the expense of the proletariat, is just like trying to stop the current in a rapidly flowing river with a saber blow!… Laugh in the faces of the idiots and schemers who, on the basis of similar stupidities, will cry out to you: To arms!… I have said, or have meant, that to obtain true liberty we must wait for the governmental pyramid to be broken apart, by itself even!… I stand by it…

Far from encouraging that bloodthirsty, liberticidal intoxication, I would always strive for silence, so as not to have to bemoan the atrocities of a revolution of barbarians or to water with our tears the places stained with the blood of those who could have become our friends

Let us suppose that a government is broken up. It is then that we must show the courage and resolution to prevent its reconstitution in any other form. For, in order to exist, power must be homicidal, murder being the daily fruit of its instinct for preservation.

For independence, and for her daughter liberty, we will sacrifice ourselves! To arms, to arms!! But for our fellows, the seditious have only silence… For, far from freeing the world from the claws which clasp it, we will only enslave it more…

Truly, we could only laugh at a republican who wanted, at all costs, to change one government in order to reestablish another! What then does this madman—this troublemaker—want? Some trouble and disorder, fifty savages in exchange for one barbarian. One hundred deputies for a prince. Finally a thousand cankers for an ulcer. Is it really worth the fuss for such horrors!!

No, no, I will never be republican to the point of swapping the ugly for the dreadful. And I will not even trouble myself to see if the barricades in the street are deserted or occupied, as long as people are not disposed to discuss at least these four points.

The earth, being rightly regarded as the principal part of our inheritance, is inalienable in any form and transaction;

All uncultivated earth returns to the public domain to be distributed as an immoveable instrument of labor;

The products of labor alone are considered as trafficable, individual properties;

All domestic service is regarded as degrading and whoever serves a master will no longer be a citizen…

… I reflect in passing, that some are capable of believing that I would diminish the number of revolutionaries!!… If I should diminish anything, it would only be, in any case, the number of those who call themselves republicans and who, most often, are only a bunch of brutes who will cut the throats of the so-called reds and whites, because they are of another color.

So much the better. Then we would know, and if the war between us is a war to the death, we will at least have the advantage of knowing why. While today, you hardly dare to approach in broad daylight certain individuals who cry to you in an insolent voice: Long live the republic!… Well, whoever wishes life for any government, also supports a coterie existing at the expense of those whom it governs. Whoever says: Long live absolutism! says long live lies. Whoever says: Long live a governmental republic! says long live hypocrisy! But those who say: Down with all governments!! says down with murder! Long live independence! Long live truth!…

Let the liberals, the radicals, and the bourgeois republicans choose. And if they want to continue to exploit the miserable workers, let them say: Long live absolutism!…

The earth is the mother of everyone. Each has a right to the land, as they have a right to the rays of the sun which warms us, and should not command it any more than they would the air of which they breathe a portion to invigorate their blood.

Now, if the earth is subject today to the laws of commerce, like an ordinary bit of merchandise or any product, it is a crime against humanity which affects the majority of us, and which has become the source of all our evils and which puts humans below the savage beasts, which despite their fierce spirit only appropriate that which conforms to the needs of their nature

Thus there are two very distinct camps among us: that of the governors and that of the governed, and there are also only two principles: that of lies and that of truth…

… The governments tremble, so rejoice (worker!); they totter, so hold yourself in readiness; they fall, so attack! But among their ruins, soaked with the blood of your fathers, never let the audacious dare to cry: Long live the power!… or crack their skulls, for power is authority, and authority is tyranny. With the last… there is not liberty, there is only some monstrous hybrid, which everyone must hound as they would a beast suspected of rabies.

Down with governments, down with tyranny, and long live independence! Long live love and friendship.

… No more governments, and no more taxes. No more cutthroats, and no more blood. No more greed, and no more hate. The future is for all. And it is thus that you will love yourselves in your brothers.

Establish yourselves in revolutionary communes; even in the smallest places always cry: Down with the governments! Let each of you participate in the discussions in their town, in order to debate their interests.

As your well-being will depend on the same cause, you will never have a guide except the same reason, the same spirit. It is thus that intelligence will really prevail…

Don’t concern yourself with the lazy: there will be none, for individuals who work freely for themselves need work as much as recreation and could not do without it without suffering.

That seems bizarre, doesn’t it? There are so many today who are lazy and live splendidly.

With regard to the majority of those, I do no know what to tell you, except that since you have tolerated them thus far, we have to feed them: habit is a second nature.

Besides, they will disappear like the old soldiers of the Empire.

The principle which must, by its own power, bring into communion the interests of all its members, will promote industry as much as agriculture; consequently, your moral and material necessity will be to establish a balance between the agricultural products and those of industry. And being dependent only on your needs, that equilibrium can never been upset enough for the products of each of you to stop flowing, always with the same regularity.

Thus, nothing can prevent or constrain any longer the free exchange of your products, and as it is these alone which can satisfy the void of your needs, each will trade at will. Then, the beautiful, the solid and the convenient still being capable of an incontestable perfectibility, an eternal competition will establish the price, stimulated by that progressive perfection whose limit is found in the fictions of eternity, if it is to be found at all.

Some communal bazaars will be established in each locality, and the products which are lacking will very quickly give some advantages to those who can fill this void, in order that each commune or hamlet will soon have its necessities within reach. The fruits of the labor of the producers will fall directly to the consumers, without any increase of price above their real value, except for the costs that the staffing of the bazaars to which these products will be entrusted will entail.

However, no one will be required to stock their products at the communal fairs, so that they still remain free to negotiate directly with other producers or consumers, if they judge it proper…

There will always be individuals of superior talent. And for this reason, individuality could not be merged, without suffering subjection, into a collective liberty. Besides, whoever says individual liberty, says it all; for a collective liberty can only be created under the will of several individuals.

Thus let those who judge it appropriate unite in life, duties and labor. And let those whom the least subjection would offend remain individually independent.

The true principle is thus very far from requiring inviolable community. However, for the harmony of certain labors, it is obvious that many of the producers will establish themselves in societies, for the advantages that they will find in the union of their strengths. But once more, communism will never be a fundamental principle, because of the diversity of our intelligences, needs and wills.

Thus, excluding the jobs of judge, priest, policeman, thief and torturer, our new society will offer to each of its members the means to live in a perfect ease, no longer wearying themselves for vain glories and sordid lusts.

In each community, they will establish some institutions for the young…

Scholars will never have been more sought after… Science will be an instrument of busy labor for those who feel themselves capable of working one of the fields of its domain… And each individual, being occupied with the work they prefer, will put into that work as much art, skill and intelligence as a great writer will use to describe some story. An individual who is in their true society, works with taste and pleasure, with no hostility towards anyone.

Thus, all your days will pass in prosperity and joy.

… The earth will be the homeland of everyone, and each will be able to contemplate its riches.

All people will love one another…

Oh, independence! Protector of humanity, inexhaustible source of happiness and satisfaction, seep into the hearts of the people, disabuse their minds of the artifices which delude and incite them, unblind their eyes, oh goddess! so that they can see your radiant halo, whose pure light weakens the monsters like the daylight wearies the owl! Mother of all pure liberties, let your name be sung, and let your name be blessed! Long live independence! War to authority!

[kpop-zone]

Ivy League | Gowon

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 2,310

Abstract: The reader leaves for an university in the US and the relationship with Chaewon suffers because of it

A/N: Finally some Loona content on this blog :D

Chaewon had noticed that you had been behaving a little weird lately. But she simply thought that you had a lot of stress in college lately. She tried to be the support you needed and was completely blindsided by your confession. But she didn’t want you to feel guilty.

“Babe, stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong.”

Chaewon said and she meant it, but she still couldn’t choke down the tears that started to form in her eyes.

“I don’t have to take the offer though. One word and I’ll stay.”

You explained and Chaewon knew that you didn’t intend any harm with your proposition but letting her make the decision, was killing her. Of course, she wanted to be the loving partner you needed, telling you that you should take the opportunity. But on the other side, she was just a human. And sending away the person she loved most in life, was hard.

But she decided that love should always win against selfishness.

“Y/N, what are you talking about? Not everyone is offered to study at an ivy league university in the US. Of course, you should take the offer. There’s facetime and I can fly to you when I have a break. We can figure it out.”

Chaewon said as confidently as possible, although she wasn’t sure if your relationship could survive the distance. But she would rather see you happy with someone else but striving than by her side and wasting your potential.

You sighted in relief, wrapping your arms around her slender body and mumbling into her neck.

“You’re the best girlfriend ever.”

Chaewon chuckled in response, but in the back of her mind a thought started to form, wondering how long she would be able to call herself your girlfriend.

And Chaewon’s fear should be proven right. It had been seven months now since you had moved to the US and the last time Chaewon had talked to you was two weeks ago. In the beginning, the euphoria of wanting to make everything right, saved your relationship. You texted several times a day and you somehow figured out to facetime despite the time difference, even if it meant that Chaewon had to wake up at 3 am. But that was the past now. Eventually the calls were replaced by texts until your contact had died down completely.

Of course, Chaewon missed you, but she didn’t want to be annoying. You had found new friends that you had to entertain next to your studies that were a lot more difficult than they were in Korea. And Chaewon had enough obligations herself. Loona had just made their comeback and they had to run from one promotional event to the next. She needed all her energy and couldn’t just stay up all night, just because her girlfriend couldn’t bring up the empathy to meet her halfway.

It wasn’t only the geographical distance that grew. It felt like your hearts had drifted apart too. During the last time you talked on the phone, it seemed like two strangers were talking to each other. Your voice was tired, and Chaewon felt like she was just an annoying item on your agenda that had to be checked off before you could go back to your real life.

So she gave you space. Maybe you would come back to her after a while, when you started to miss her too. But apparently you didn’t, because after she had stopped making an effort, you didn’t talk at all. It broke her heart, but she couldn’t bring herself to let you go. She still loved you, even if you had stopped loving her.

So whenever her phone rang, she jumped slightly out of her chair, because she expected it to be your break up text. Chaewon didn’t sleep anymore and soon her fans started to worry. She wasn’t the bubbly Chaewon anymore that everyone knew. Instead, she stayed in the back, hardly interacting with anyone with a sad look on her face. She needed you to let her go, so she could let you go.

-

Everything came differently than you expected. You knew that it would be hard for you to be apart from your girlfriend, but you had never guessed just how hard. Your study program was killing you and after a long day of studying you didn’t want anything more than to lay on the couch with your girlfriend in your arms, hearing her complain about her crazy life in the dorm. But the fact that you couldn’t, took you all motivation from you to hang out with anyone else, causing you to slowly turn into a hermit.

You didn’t want Chaewon to worry though. You knew that she wanted you to be happy. It would be selfish to let her suffer from the distance for nothing. Therefore, you told her that everything was fine. You made her believe that you had found friends, enjoying your time abroad, so that she could enjoy her time with her group. You knew how exhausting a comeback could be, so you wanted her to spend her energy on her own worries not on yours.

But lying to Chaewon had always been hard for you. You could feel how the contact between the two of you had gotten less and less, because you didn’t want to be caught lying. You felt guilty but tried to calm your bad conscious by telling yourself that your girlfriend was better off when you withheld something from her than when you lied to her.

But not seeing and not talking to Chaewon was killing you even more, so you decided to fly out to Korea for your anniversary. You knew that both of you probably didn’t have the time for that, but you didn’t care. You needed to see your girlfriend again.

With your suitcase in one hand and a giant bouquet of flowers in your other, you rushed through the airport, more than excited to see your girlfriend again in less than an hour. You told the taxi driver to bring you to Blockberry Creative as quickly as possible and you hardly waited till the driver brought the car to a halt before you jumped out of it.

When you entered the company, people were staring at you because of the big bouquet but you didn’t even notice. It wasn’t until you saw one of Loona’s managers that you acknowledged the presence of other people around you.

“Hey, oppa! Are they recording something, or can I go in?”

You asked him with a grin on your face, but he looked at you with a puzzled expression.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? I thought the two of you broke up?”

You looked at him with your head tilted to the side. Broke up? Why did he think such a thing? Suddenly an uneasy feeling spread in your stomach and doubts replaced the happy thoughts in your head. Did Chaewon already replace you?

When the manager saw your worried expression, he realized his insensitive question and chuckled quickly.

“I’m just babbling nonsense, you know me. You can go in, I’m sure Chaewon will be happy to see you.”

He tried to cover up this awkward situation with a smile, but the moment was already ruined. Nervously you opened the door to the practice room, seeing the girls running around like the maniacs they were. Yerim was the first one to see you. Her facial expression developed from a bright smile in the first moment, to confusion in the next and to anxiously pointing out your presence to Hyejoo who glared at you after she had spotted you. Why was everyone acting so weird?

You let your eyes wander in the room and spotted your girlfriend in the opposite side of the room, being taught a really weird dance by Jiwoo, both not being aware that you had arrived. When you looked up again, you could see Hyejoo making her way over to you. You knew that she could look grumpy sometimes, but this time you were pretty sure that she was actually mad at you.

“What are you doing here?”

She asked you impolitely and you were taken aback by her tone.

“To surprise Chaewon?”

You answered clearly intimidated. Hyejoo was about so say something again, when you heard a loud gasp all of a sudden. Looking behind her, you could see Chaewon staring at you with wide eyes and her hand covering her mouth in surprise. Jiwoo was jumping up and down in excitement beside her and you decided to ignore Hyejoo’s question for now, walking towards your girlfriend with a big smile.

At first you felt very insecure, because Chaewon just kept staring at you, but when you had almost reached her, she suddenly defrosted, jumping into your arms while wrapping her legs around your body. Although you were struggling with the bouquet in your hand, you tried your best to hug her back, not being able to grasp yet that the time of waiting had finally ended.

In your pure joy, you hadn’t even noticed at first that Chaewon was almost crushing your torso, because she was clinging so hard to your body and after another moment, you realized that her body was shaking. You heard sniffling and were suddenly aware of the fact that your girlfriend was crying vehemently. Quickly you let the bouquet fall to the floor, stroking Chaewon’s back instead.

“Hey, it’s ok baby. I’m sorry.”

You tried to calm her down, a little overwhelmed by the whole situation. You had expected your girlfriend to shed maybe a few tears, but not to have a complete breakdown.

“I thought, I had lost you.”

You could hardly hear Chaewon’s words between her sobs, but they stung, nevertheless.

The manager, Hyejoo’s glaring and now your girlfriend’s words. This couldn’t all be a coincident and it dawned to you that your behavior of the past months had actually done more damage than anything else.

Slowly you let your girlfriend down again and you looked at her puffy eyes with guilt in yours.

“Jagi, I think we should talk.”

Realizing that those words sounded like you wanted to break up, your eyes went wide.

“I mean, I want to apologize and ask for your forgiveness because I have been an idiot.”

You added quickly and Chaewon’s initial shock in her face disappeared again.

Chaewon took your hand in hers, pulling you out of the room, because you both figured that 22 additional ears listening to your conversation were definitely a few too many.

Both of you sat down at a table in one of the rooms next door and sat in awkward silence for a while.

“Did you really think, I wanted to break up with you?”

You started the conversation, wanting to make sure that you didn’t miscommunicate again. Chaewon looked embarrassed at her hands but shifted her gaze to your eyes after you laid your hand on top of hers.

“You didn’t contact me anymore...”

She said silently and you could hear the hurt in her voice. Quickly you lifted her hand to your mouth, kissing the back of it apologetically.

“I’m so sorry. I thought I did you a favor.”

You tried to explain yourself, but Chaewon looked at you in confusion.

“I was really unhappy. And I knew that you would worry about me, but I didn’t want you to. So I didn’t tell you that I didn’t like my new life. But you know what a bad liar I am, so I had to ignore you in order to not get caught.”

As you said your words, you actually noticed how dumb they sounded, and you let go of Chaewon’s hand in shame.

But you could hear your girlfriend moving and soon you found her sitting on your lap with your faces only inches apart.

“You are an idiot, Y/N L/N. You know that?”

You nodded, letting your head fall against your girlfriend’s chest who immediately started to run her fingers through your hair.

“I am your girlfriend. I want to know all the stuff that is going on in your life. The good and the bad.”

You lifted your head again, looking at your girlfriend with puppy dog eyes who gave you a sweet smile before leaning down and capturing your lips with hers. You hummed into the kiss, almost having forgotten how perfect your girlfriend’s lips felt against yours.

“Do you promise me to talk to me in the future?”

Chaewon asked you once she had pulled away while still keeping your face in her hands.

“I promise. But we don’t have to suffer that long anymore.”

You answered with a wide grin and your girlfriend tilted her head to the side, not being able to understand what you were referring to.

“I’m coming back after the semester ends. I don’t like my life there and the university here is not even that bad.”

After hearing your words, Chaewon’s eyes started to sparkle and she quickly wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you closer.

“I know, I should probably tell you to overthink your decision. But please don’t. Just come back to me.”

She told you with a pleading look and you nodded.

Your faces were inching closer again, when the door was suddenly slammed open.

“Did you forgive her?”

Jungeun asked loudly while blindly storming into the room, only realizing your intimate moment when she was standing right in front of you.

“Oh.”

She said embarrassed, but then the other girls behind her stumbled into the room as well.

“You owe me a loaf of bread. I told you, they wouldn’t break up.”

Hyunjin smirked, making Jungeun roll her eyes.

You looked at Chaewon in your lap and couldn’t suppress a giggle. Who needed the ivy league if you already had the perfect life?

[polar-stars]

facts about eizan,marui nakiri and ibusaki family pls

Thanks for asking....It was a bit difficult for me to answer but I tried my best (also sorry, I changed the order....I memorised it differently for some reason ovo;;)

The Eizans:

- The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse + Nene //slaps herself

- (I already feel that this will be a challenge to explain...I’ll try my very best to convey what I want to say but uhm, apology in advance if the following just sounds like a scrambled mess) The Eizan-Family has much of a reputation within the culinary world and, well, let’s just say it could be a more positive one. While adulthood, his marriage to Nene and becoming father did make Etsuya less extreme he’s still not exactly a saint. While he did take a step back from dirty tactics and straight up cheating in his business strategies, he’s still ruthless and, you could possibly even say, brutal in his ways using his intellect and understanding of the market to defeat his opponents fairly. Combined with the stigma the Eizan-name had before he even married Nene, Etsuya is regarded as someone that you should think twice about messing with by most. Meanwhile Nene might not be known for destroying people’s businesses, but she still has this frosty, rigid aura that a lot of people consider to be intimidating. She’s known as excellent, and intellectual, chef and her opinion is hold in high regard by a lot of people. Lastly it’s also evident that her three sons massively respect her and that she’s also capable of making her husband shut up with just a simple displeased “Etsuya”. The Eizan-men are not exactly known for hearing out other people much so the fact that this woman is capable of, for the lack of a better word, “tame” these four with just the use of a scowl at times is very respectable and in its own right fearsome to a bunch of people. As a couple, Etsuya and Nene generally make much of a formal and stiff impression in public. They don’t really emit friendly-social-butterfly-energy in my humble opinion and their standoffish, unreadable, strict expressions makes even some of the best conversationalists gulp when approaching them. Then there’s also their sons. While Kei, being the youngest, is not much on people’s radars at this point and is mainly just commonly regarded as “the youngest”, “the third one” etc. Masashi and Shigeo are personalities that a large part of the cooking Elite is pretty aware of. The two stand high in Totsuki’s social hierarchy and are feared by a large part of the students. ALL IN ALL, this is a long way of me saying that the name “Eizan” does send shivers down a few people’s spines and they are considered as very intimidating by many. (God, time to catch my breath)

- Nene might be regarded as the cold ice queen from outside but in private she kinda is the one that holds the family together. While she does have the last say in this household and while she can most definitely be pretty strict, she does still deeply care about the family the most openly and often makes attempts to get them all to spend time together. While not as extreme as other mothers, she can be pretty rather doting towards her sons in her own way. Nene was raised in a clan with long tradition and history after all and while I don’t think she had the most personal relationship with her parents at all, I still think that a clan like that would teach her that family is everything which is why she values it a lot. Also I think, she actually saw them very, very frequently. It’s a contrast to Etsuya, who I believe was raised by two very distant people who were rarely around and when they were they really beat the idea in his head that money is above everything. (This upbringing is what made it hard to him picturing himself as dad when Nene first pitched the idea to him. He does try his best though)

- Etsuya’s aunt just lives a couple blocks away from where the Eizans live. Therefore the Eizan brothers could get there on their own at a certain age. Etsuya’s aunt often watched the kids, if she wasn’t out travelling which she would do a lot in her old age.

- Sometimes Nene and Etsuya were forced to take their children with them to work when Etsuya’s aunt was out of town once again and they couldn’t find a babysitter. Masashi always went with Nene, while Shigeo went with Etsuya. With Kei, they alternated. Nene’s service staff actually really likes Masashi as he’s very respectful and polite with them since they’re adults. They always shower him with praise when he practices his cooking. Meanwhile Shigeo is commonly regarded as brat by Etsuya’s employees but of course no one would say that out loud. Sometimes Etsuya would order one of his workers to look after Shigeo and entertain him for a bit. This task is feared because Shigeo is hell to babysit. He does what he wants and thanks to his cleverness he often manages to run off, so he can wander around the company and do his own thing. This makes the employee tasked to look after him look pretty bad in the eyes of the Boss.

- Etsuya is the one who spoils everyone. He does really want his family to be treated to the finest things in life and he makes sure of that. Nene is more practical in her spendings and not as quick to buy something for her sons as Etsuya is.

The Nakiris (This will be centered around RyoAli-Family since in my, uhm, ✨universe✨ they’re the ones that mainly go by Nakiri. I hope they are what you meant, anon)

- The apex of Japan’s culinary landscape and widely recognised in every other place of the world as well. The Nakiris are heavily respected and cherished within the industry, as they’ve always been. Their opinion is hold in very high regard. The strive to impress Nakiri Alice, the headmistress of Totsuki, specifically inspires a lot of Avantgarde dishes to be created. There’s no denying that the Nakiris are practically equal to royalty within the culinary world.

- Alice is the heart of the family. While her side of the family had always been more chill and wholesome, she still saw (and was pulled into) the drama that the rest of her family loved to cause. She does not want any of that no more now that she’s the head honcho of the Nakiri clan. Alice really puts effort into keeping the family together even if her pride keeps her from admitting this out loud.

- Alice’s and Ryo’s love to measure each other in cook-offs has gone down to their two twin-children as well, who love to face-off against each other, their Yukihira-cousins and even their parents. The competition between family-members is to both Nakiri-twins a friendly one. Even the extremely battle-heartened Lola feels so.

- The Nakiris are the hosts of an annual summer ball that takes place in their mansion at a set date each and every year. Describing said ball as an important, fancy event would be an understatement. It’s a truly grandiose and massive festive with a lot of elegance to it. Wether you’re invited to it or not can definitely be used as a factor to determine how high you stand in the culinary industry. Alice really has fun planning it each and every year. Ryo helps her out whenever he can while also Leonora gives a lot of suggestions over a video call.

- Ryo, Alice, Lola and Mona as family are honestly pretty wholesome. They don’t have a lot of fights, stick together and while Alice and Ryo are damn busy they still never fail to reserve some of their time for their family.

The Ibusakis

- The Ibusakis are pretty peaceful and, except for Kasumi Ibusaki as time goes on, they don’t get into trouble too easy.

- They live very close to a forest and since the two Ibusakis partly grew up in said forest both of them developed a very strong affinity for nature. Yasu in particular does not desire a life in the big city at all. It’s too loud, too crowded and also too polluted for him there.

- Ryoko is the one that needs breaks from their idyllic, quiet life the most. This leads to her occasionally hosting a few get-togethers. They’re not the most fancy thing out there but since it’s Ryoko doing the planning they still do have style but also a warm, light-hearted atmosphere. And of course, sake. People love to attend these and social butterfly Ryoko never runs out of people to invite. Shun meanwhile is not a very big fan of his house being invaded, but given how much fun his wife has he grits his teeth together and pull through the night. His daughter Kasumi is in strong agreement with him.

- Ryoko and Shun have a bit of a differing opinions on where to vacation as well. Ryoko mainly enjoys city-trips and all of its sightseeing and the exploration of a different culture. Meanwhile Shun just wants mountains. Nothing but mountains. The two were never prone to argue much though and are good at making compromises. So Ryoko and Shun alternate each year of who gets to choose the travel spot. So one summer it’s Barcelona for the Ibusakis and the next one’s its a hiking trip once again.

- One source of drama in the usually so peaceful Ibusaki-Family is Shun’s father. He does not have the best relationship to him as he felt that he was never really there for him. Shun’s dad in his old age does realise though how distant he had been all this time to his son. So he wants to try to be a good grandfather to his grandchildren at least. However there is the fact that Shun has not fully forgiven him yet.

The Maruis

- In comparison to the Ibusakis, the Maruis are more lively. There’s a lot more bickering going on in this household and people also often point out that the Maruis have an insanely quick pace to their conversation.

- Yuki enjoys throwing some parties (or going to some) even more than Ryoko. She’ll host a party in the Marui’s apartment every two months or so. But even more she attends parties of others and since she lives in Tokyo and has quite a large number of contacts she barely ever runs out of them. Sometimes she drags Zenji with her and lets one of her brothers watch the kids or, if it’s on weekend night and the host said there’s other children on the party as well, takes them with her as well.

- Yuki has a pretty good relationship with the rest of the Maruis as all of them adore her sunny, jolly personality while also appreciating how visibly happy she makes Zenji. Zenji also gets along fine with the Yoshinos (even if they can be a little exhausting at times). And this ultimately allows the two Marui-siblings to grow pretty close to both sides of the family.

- Yuki plans most of the family activities. She is not a big fan of spending the weekend merely at home. Here and there, Zenji wants to go somewhere though. And usually it’s just this or that new exhibition in this or that museum. Chieko prefers Zenji’s ideas for the most part, while Takahiro LARGELY prefers Yuki’s. He does not like most museums because you have to be all quiet.

- Ever since Yuki knew she’d get a daughter, she had been excited for the day where her daughter would start engaging into romance. Yuki has always been super excited about the idea of Chieko getting a boyfriend someday. She watched A TON of romance movies with Chieko in preparation basically and once Chieko’s on Totsuki she also keeps asking wether there’s any good-looking boys close. What she would have never expected is Etsuya Eizan’s and Nene Kinokuni’s second son to become Chieko’s major suitor and she does not know in the slightest how she should feel about this. Zenji meanwhile has never been the largest fan of his baby-girl getting a boyfriend to begin with and he knows very well how he feels about Shigeo Eizan: Dangerzone. Most of Chieko’s circle (her own family, but also the Ibusakis and also her friend-group) views the ShigeChi-situation as a Red Riding Hood/Big Bad Wolf kind of thing in one way or the other and a lot of them make it no secret. Once Junpei Miyazato appears on the scene both Yuki and Zenji actually make an effort to practically “market” him to Chieko as they’d both, at this point at least, prefer to see their little baby with him. Little Takahiro though meanwhile sees that there’s no guy that has quite the same effect on Chieko as Shigeo has.

[jungnoir]

You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist w/ Wonwoo? this is so him

morning routine;

jeon wonwoo | “You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist.” | 2k words. | humor, fluff.

Wonwoo’s days often went like this: He would get on the subway at 8, read a book, arrive to the city by 8:30, then go to work at the bookstore that he’d been working at since his high school graduation at 9:15. Sometimes he would get on earlier in hopes that he could spend more time reading, but on those days he couldn’t be assed to deny himself that last half hour of sleep, he would stick to the 8 o’clock schedule without fault.

Your days often went like this: You would get on the subway at 8, arrive to the city by 8:30, then wander aimlessly around the city while collecting inspiration for your writing blog. You were a bit of an amateur writer, posting small snippets and prompts to the internet for the world to see. Any ideas that came to your mind ended up there, and you had received quite some praise for your innovative ideas. You enjoyed the love, but you were always striving for more. That meant that if you were going to finally write that breakout novel you always wanted, you were going to have to get started while you still had as much free time as you did. Being a professional book editor was fun and all, but you often dreamed of the day you would be asking someone to do the same for you.

Despite the fact that your schedules matched up perfectly, you had never met.

Whether standing at opposite sides of the subway car or one standing and the other sitting, you two had never crossed paths. Call it the universe’s uncanny timing that the one day you actually do cross paths, he’s holding a book you know all too well. After all, you edited it.

Your eyes sparkle a bit in pride as you examine the boy from head to toe: russet brown hair that curls at the ends around his brows, pronounced nose, rosy tinted lips that pucker, twist, and get gnawed on while he reads. His choice of outfit is a heavily hanging black sweater bunched up at the elbows and jeans that are identically colored. The legs of his pants disappear into a pair of classic black converse with white laces, and you can tell one is double-knotted and the other is not. His full backpack pushes him further away from the back of his seat and, from what you can see poking the fabric at a sharp angle, the contents are even more books. You start to like this mystery boy without even knowing a thing.

The car makes a stop some four minutes later and the old man who was sitting next to the stranger gets up to leave, an empty spot just begging for someone to take it. You make it to the seat before someone else your age can take it, happily trading the handle you were clinging onto for dear life in favor of the seat. The boy doesn’t even flinch.

You watch him read for a few moments before the excitement gets the best of you, “I love that book.”

The boy flinches, evidence clear in his expression that he hadn’t even noticed his last partner getting up and leaving or you swiftly taking his place. You gazes at you in a daze before smiling shortly, “Ah, really? It’s one of my favorites. No matter how many times I’ve read it, when I start it again I just can’t put it down.”

Your grin widens, and while you know you should just leave him to get back to peacefully reading (who knows? maybe this was the only time he got to even settle down during his day), you’re itching to ask him about it. There were seldom chances like these where you saw people reading books you edited, and even less so chances for you to converse with them about it. “I was like that too when I first read it. Who are your favorite characters?”

He blinks, a little surprised you’re still talking to him even after he’s clearly turned away in favor of finishing his book. Regardless, he entertains you, “Ritch and Stenciler.”

“Me too! Though, I have a soft spot for Carolina,” in your head you can picture him saying I don’t care, but if he’s thinking it, it doesn’t show, “people get on her for being selfish sometimes, but I love how realistically the author portrays her. She’s neither totally perfect nor totally evil. She just is.”

The boy seems to light up all of a sudden, and for the first time since you started talking, he actually looks less interested in the book. He gently sets it on his leg and turns to you, “God, you don’t know how happy I am to finally talk to someone who doesn’t completely hate her guts. It gets really annoying hearing the same old criticisms for her character. It’s like everyone got together and just agreed on that one thing to say about her forever.”

It’s probably silly how quickly you begin to warm up to the stranger, but you feel an almost kindred spirit in him. “I’m (Y/N).” You introduce yourself and hold out a hand, that of which he shakes with a soft grip and even softer smile.

“I’m Wonwoo, nice to meet you,” his eyes turn into little slits before he suddenly thinks of something, shifting his body a little more toward you, “You know, everyone always asks about favorite characters, but I never really hear people talk about their least favorite characters. Who are yours?”

Your eyes widen in surprise as you begin to think, the thought having never really occurred to you before. After a few moments of silence between the two of you, you finally think of one, “Probably Dr. Heinsel. That dude is super repulsive.”

Wonwoo’s once energetic smile melts quickly like ice over a candle flame, your heart beating faster as you start to wonder what you’d done wrong. Uh-oh, was it something I said?

“…interesting. Any explanation as to why?” His voice sounds just as welcoming as it had when you first started talking to him and you begin to run over all the logical ways the conversation could have gone this wrong so quickly. He was no longer relaxed, and once the smile left his face, he looked a bit intimidating. It was nothing like his reading face. Not by a long shot.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up too, “Well, for starters, his reasons for wanting to kill the telekinetic twins is bullshit.” “And what exactly are those reasons?”

His clipped tone rubs you the wrong way as you narrow your eyes in response, “Isn’t it obvious? He wasn’t there to save his wife and child from getting killed on that school bus all those years ago, and so of course when he finds out that there were telekinetic twins on that same bus who could’ve, in his mind, been able to stop the bus from crashing, he takes it out on them. He wants to catch them for not stopping the bus crash, but it’s not the twins’ fault for not having honed their powers yet.”

“Uh, no,” Wonwoo doesn’t even wait for you to finish, setting his book beside him as he begins to argue, “that’s not it at all. There’s clear signs throughout the book that indicate that while he was surprised to find out about them all those years after the crash, he didn’t hate them. He was curious! He only got pissed when he tried to get in touch with them about the accident and they tried to swipe his money off him. I mean, how would you feel knowing the only survivors of a deadly crash that took the lives of your family away were telekinetic? They saved their own lives and he just wanted to know how. He had nothing against them until he realized they were using their powers for wrong.”

“They were orphans!” Your voice raises some but Wonwoo doesn’t even flinch, though his nostrils flare a bit, “I’m sorry, “wrong”? They stole food and to live, stole jewelry to sell so that they could keep a warm roof over their heads.”

Wonwoo scoffs, “Oh, so you call chapter five, where the brother steals a purse off an old lady, justified?”

“It’s moral conflict!”

“It’s delinquent behavior!”

“So you’re telling me if you were telekinetic, starving, kicked out from every orphanage you were in because you were constantly being hassled by the media and insane theorists who wanted to know why you managed to survive a heavily fatal bus crash, and had a twin sister you had to take care of because your parents were killed in that same bus crash, you wouldn’t steal from anyone you could to keep the both of you alive?”

“Uh, yeah!”

“What would you do then?”

“I’m freaking telekinetic! I could be a magician, a professional weight-lifter, a surfer- I don’t know!”

“Oh-ho-ho, that’s rich.”

“Do you think the people they stole from didn’t have people to protect and provide for too? Honestly, I’m pretty sure half the people they stole from were only slightly better off than them, and not by much.”

“So that justifies a guy wanting to capture and experiment on them for “the betterment of mankind”, then?”

“No! I just- look, all I’m saying is he wasn’t after them for being literal children and not preventing a bus crash that they too lost family in. He was after them because he felt they were only going to escalate in behavior, which was a very bad call on his part. He was far too aggressive, far too obsessed with picking apart their powers and finding out how they did what they did and in the end it turned him into the antagonist. The guy freaking sucks and I don’t hate the twins for what they had to do, but you have to admit that there was more to his reasoning than just that.”

A ding sounds through the car and you finally tear your heated gaze from Wonwoo’s to look around. With delayed recognition, you notice that you had since arrived at your stop.

You feel a tug in your chest when you realize that this meant you wouldn’t even be able to finish the conversation, wouldn’t be able to discuss the inner workings of the mind the antagonist had in further detail. You wouldn’t even be able to tell him that you had edited that book, that you had spent countless hours considering the motives with the author herself and had drawn that conclusion in the end… granted, on your own.

However, that tug ceases when he stands, face morphing from the irritated expression he’d displayed while arguing with you to a pretty neutral (almost… regretful?) look. He grabs hold of the bar next to your seat and bites his lip, “This is my stop…”

“It’s mine too.”

You stand and grab the same bar, the two of you unable to break eye contact for some time. Then comes his rushed question as the doors nearby open to spill the people riding out of the car, “Where ya headed?”

“Nowhere,” you say breathlessly, and when he begins to back out of the car, you follow mindlessly, “and you?”

“I’m due for work at the Pledis bookstore in the city in,” he glances at the watch on his wrist before looking back at you, “37 minutes. There’s a coffee place inside it, if you wanna head there with me and finish our discussion… that is, if you don’t seriously detest me after that rant of mine.”

You follow him out onto the platform like a moth to a flame, that once building sorrow about possibly losing this enticing stranger forever dissipating with the promise of coffee and maybe more. His blushing cheeks look rather adorable even under the ugly fluorescent lights of the subway station, a feat you have to applaud him for. “You kidding me?” You shoot him a tiny smirk, walking up to his side, “your rant was cute at best. You’ll be crying by the time I get enough coffee and rage built up inside of me to tear you a new one.”

Wonwoo’s eyebrows raise with the challenge and almost like a light bulb goes off in your head, you feel like you might just have a muse for that breakout novel of yours.

[lady-snavely]

Sands of Time: Part Two

Year in Review

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!OC

Warnings: mentions of death, swearing, mutual pining, all the fluff

A/N: reblogs are super appreciated

Time ticked by at an agonizing pace for Jade after that. The world changed, in some ways for the better, in others for the worse. She traveled because she had to. Faerie rule dictated she had to. She kept her heritage a secret because she had to.

After they became civil again, Nyra tried setting Jade up with a number of different Fae men. Jade, though she didn't have an interest in seeing anyone, humored her sister and at the very least would meet the men Nyra raved about. But her heart still yearned for Tetsuro.

Jade's latest story was that she was a part time college student, working full time at the local library. She still loved reading even after all this time. She'd only been working for a handful of weeks before the first term started. Online courses allowed her to easily complete classes for a degree she didn't need. It was more to pass time anyway. Jade insisted on taking the closing shifts, they weren't exactly the greatest shifts as they were typically slower, but she didn't mind.

The start of term brought on an increase in activity. Students of all walks came in to study, both on their own and in groups. It was on one slower day, in the middle of the week that a rather large group had come in, ten in total. They were all first years, not that it bothered Jade any, she was considered a first year in the eyes of the university as well.

They were a curious bunch with a number of subgroups making up the larger group. It was obvious rather quickly that some of the members had known each other for a long time, while others had only recently been acquainted. Regardless of the differing dynamics they all got along well and, outside of general questions, stayed out of Jade's hair.

They quickly became regulars over the term. They met three times a week, sometimes it was just two or three of them, but usually there were at least five of them who came. It was rare that all ten showed up on the same night.

By the time midterms rolled around she'd learned all of their names and how they knew each other. She caught on to some of their quirks as well. Like how Oikawa Tohru would whine to his boyfriend until he got his way which sounds annoying, and usually was, but Iwaizumi Hajime adored his boyfriend to no end even if he could be a bit harsh at times. Sawamura Daichi could be scary when he got mad but those moods were few and far between.

Kozume Kenma, a quiet boy who often had his phone or some handheld video game in his hand, had warned Jade to not mention Yaku Morisuke's height. Not that she would've without the warning seeing as he was just as tall as her when she was in Fae form.

Then there was Bokuto Kotaro, possibly one of the most energetic Humans Jade had ever come across. It wasn't uncommon for Jade to hear his voice bursting with energy when he came into the library. Akaashi Keiji had a preternatural ability to calm him however and after a couple of weeks Jade quit rushing towards the noise entirely.

The quietest of the bunch was Shimizu Kiyoko, she was also the only female in the group. She and Sugawara Koshi were exceedingly observant for Humans. Lastly, there was Kuroo Tetsuro. He didn't boast about it, but he was incredibly smart and had a knack for reading people.

Jade didn't care how it came to be that they had all come together. All she knew was that somehow, she and Kuroo were brought together again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was between her first and second term that Jade had to go home to her people. Her father was finally receiving a place on the Faery Council. It was something he'd been striving for for some time now. She stood with her siblings and mother, proud in the navy blue and sea foam green that were her family's colors. Around her were the families of other Council members, painting the floor in a splattering of colors.

The ceremony itself was routine and quick, Jade's father was given his pendant, he swore to uphold the rules of the Fae and drank from the ceremonial chalice with his fellow Council members.

Afterwards there was a banquet as well as music and dancing. Jade had humored her brother, the only son and youngest of the four siblings, and danced with him for a while before finally returning to her chair with a sheen of sweat on her brow and her heart racing in her chest. The table was vacant, not that it bothered her any, as she settled into her seat.

As much as the Human world intrigued Jade even after all of this time, it was freeing being home and surrounded by her own people again. Here where she didn't have to maintain her Humanoid form; here where she could be her true self. Even still her mind wandered to the Human boy who was probably hard at work on his summer assignments, if they weren't already completed that is.

With her mind elsewhere Jade didn't initially see her sister when she sat beside her until she cleared her throat. "Fawna, I apologize." Jade shook her head quickly to hide her embarrassment. Normally she would've seen her sister coming.

"Not necessary," Fawna grinned. "It must have been nice, whatever it was you were thinking of. You had a pleasant looking smile on your face. What were you thinking about? Or should I say: who?"

Jade gave Fawna a soft smile that was filled with guilt. "You caught me."

Fawna returned Jade's smile with one of her own. She was about a century older than Jade and did her best to understand the fixation with the Human boy. Fawna had been there to console Jade when Nyra had berated her for choosing to marry outside of their people so many years ago. "He's come into your life again, hasn't he?" The blush that colored Jade's cheeks was enough of an answer though Jade herself said nothing. Fawna held her hands out, palms up, and nodded her understanding. "What's he like this time?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jade's brother kept her company during her week-long stay. He did his best to keep her busy enough that she didn't have time to let her thoughts wonder but that didn't stop it from happening now and again. Sitting up late with her one night he was finally pulling together enough courage to say something when she spoke first.

"You probably think I'm weird too, don't you, Lark?" She asked as she turned her glass in her hands absentmindedly. "For having feelings for someone who is only here for what amounts to seconds of a Fae's life."

"Mother says you've always been intrigued by Humans." Lark shrugged after a moment. "I can't pretend to know what it is that draws you to them or what it is that keeps bringing the two of you together. Whatever it is, I know it's real, what you feel for him. I see it in the way your eyes shine when you talk about him; the way you always blush at the mention of him. You seem whole when he's around you again. But, no, I don't think you're weird, Jade."

Jade smiled across the table at her brother but said nothing. She stared at the glass in her hand, thinking. She and Lark, as the two youngest siblings, had always been the other's confidant. They told each other everything, so when she decided to integrate herself further into the Human's ways of living it had hurt both of them. She wasn't able to get away as often as she'd like since she had to keep up the life she created for herself. Lark had only visited her once since she started working at the library in the city and this was the first time she'd been home in years.

"You should come back with me," she said suddenly.

Lark gave her a dumbfounded look. "Excuse me?"

"I want you to see the city, Lark," Jade sighed, a content smile lighting her features. "Humans outdo themselves and they don't even realize it. Please, even if it's just a day or two."

He pondered the idea for a few silent moments. He had gotten lost twice the one time he'd visited her before, having gotten off at the wrong bus stop when he was looking for her apartment and then taking the wrong bus entirely when he was leaving. Despite those instances he'd enjoyed what he'd seen of the city even if it was just in panicked passing. Lark finally nodded. "After things settle down here," he decided.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kuroo Tetsuro was a wanderer when he needed a break from his studies. Jade would often see him looping the aisles of books, stopping on occasion to look at something that had caught his attention before he continued. She did her best to stay out of his way when he was doing this but there were times when the restocking had other plans and she would have to weasel past him with her cart.

He wouldn't admit it to anyone, though it wouldn't surprise him if Kenma or even Sugawara were already aware, but sometimes he ventured into an aisle for no reason other than that Jade was already in it. More than once he'd heard her humming a tune he recalled his mother used to sing him when he was younger.

The first time he'd heard it, the familiarity of it alone had drawn him into the aisle. Jade had smiled politely when she spotted him coming towards her. "Looking for something?" She wondered.

"Just taking a break, Miss Meadows," he replied with a shake of his head.

To his delight, Jade had laughed, shaking her own head as she slid a book into place on the shelf in front of her before she corrected him. "It's Jade. How was your vacation?"

"Relaxing." Kuroo glanced at the books on her cart and picked one up just to keep his hands busy. "I imagine it was pretty nice not having the study group here."

Jade's nose scrunched in a grimace as she shook her head. "I like having you guys around," she defended. "It gives me something to look forward to. But I actually took a week off to go home and see my family," she explained. "Nothing fancy but it was nice to see everyone again."

"Been a while had it?"

Jade had remained quiet for a moment as she pushed her cart a few paces to continue her work before she answered. "Yeah, a few years. It's my own fault," she added with a shrug when Kuroo's eyes widened in shock. "I like the city life and they don't."

Kuroo leaned against the shelving behind him with a small sigh. "That's too bad," he decided to say.

"Everyone has their preferences." Jade shrugged again. It was something she did a lot when talking about her family. "Well, don't let me be too much of a distraction. You're here for a reason, remember?"

"Yes ma'am." Kuroo grinned when she smacked his arm with a book. He was only a few steps away when he stopped. "Actually, that tune you were humming not too long ago, what was it exactly?"

"Just something my mom used to sing us when we were little," Jade answered without turning from the shelves in front of her.

Though she hadn't seen it, Kuroo had nodded before finally retreating back to his friends.

"Took you long enough," Yaku teased when Kuroo sat beside him. "Where'd you go this time?"

"Around," Kuroo answered simply. His mind was elsewhere, the tune from his childhood replaying over and over in his head. Sometimes it was his mother's soft singing that graced his memory and others it was Jade's quiet humming.

Iwaizumi was the first to say something when he heard Kuroo humming the tune. His ears perked at the familiar piece of music before his mind played catch up and his head snapped up suddenly. "What is it?" Oikawa wondered with a frown.

Ignoring his boyfriend Iwaizumi stared hard at Kuroo. "Why are you humming that lullaby, Kuroo?"

"Hmm? What?" Kuroo turned his gaze up from the book he was taking notes from.

"The lullaby mother's sing to their kids to get them to fall asleep. Why are you suddenly humming it?"

Kuroo frowned then. "I didn't realize I was."

"I see I wasn't the only one who noticed then," Sugawara noted with a faint smile. "It is kind of odd though Kuroo."

"Did going home over break remind you of it?" Yaku pressed.

"No, I heard Jade humming it when I was walking around."

The group shared looks of confusion. It was Oikawa who spoke first, his voice a hushed whisper that only they could hear. "Why on Earth would she know that song?"

M.List | Next

[multiverseofmiracleshq]

Following the United Nations tragedy, the mutants gathered together at the Kirby Building in New York City with those closest to them to lay their dead to rest. Since Krakoa has no cemeteries and there were no bodies to bury, it was a sorrowful goodbye to a group who shouldn’t have had to go.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL COMPLETE CHAT LOG COVERAGE OF THE IC

ERIK: So, how was he supposed to approach this? Erik had gone back and forth for hours, trying to figure out what version of himself he should present at the funeral. He was a leader. He was feared. He was.. different. Before, he would never have cared this much about what people were expecting from him. Magneto would be what he chose to be and people would have to deal with it. But there was so much loss, and for the first time in a very very long time he was acutely aware of it. He felt it and saw it in the faces of the people around him. And he felt it in his chest. It was pain like this that he had cut himself off from for decades. It made him feel stronger-- the fact that he could choose what not to feel. But was he stronger now? Was he stronger for being honest with himself? That was still up for debate. "Thank you all for coming." He interrupted the soft chatter of the people gathered together. As they settled down, his eyes glossed over everyone huddled together in their various groups. Friends. Family. "Like all of you, it pains me that we are here today. The mutants on Krakoa have prided ourselves on the very fact that funerals would come only once in a blue moon. For decades, our people have been targeted. Killed. Taken from us far too soon from the world we so rightfully exist in. So we found a way to bend the rules to our will, and make it so that our people could live life on their own terms, and for as long as they wished to live it. This should never have happened." He took a pause, took in a breath. "I have lost daughters. We have lost friends and family. And while most of us here have been touched by death before, it never gets easier. So I will leave you with this: for the ones we have lost, we must strive to do better. To be better. In their memory, we will fight harder. But tonight, let us put aside our hostility and our anger and let ourselves breathe. If I had to guess, it's what they would have wanted."

REMY: The morning had been almost unbearable. Remy had gone through the motions — getting Dawn up, fed, changed, dressed. It would be the last time he saw her for a while, if ever again. The once bubbly, bouncy girl had started crying, a constant plea for a mother that wouldn’t return. The news of the resurrection process had been the final nail in the coffin for him, and Marcos would be meeting him at the funeral and taking Dawn with him. That way, Remy could mourn in a way that didn’t adhere to responsibilities and with her father, Dawn might find some peace. The house was quiet as he’d gotten dressed out of a box, having pulled the last of his clothes off of hangers and out of drawers the night before. That had been his last night in the bed they’d shared and as he gathered his meager belongings and Dawn, Remy shut the door behind him and couldn’t stand to look back. They’d chosen a beautiful spot to host it, but he didn’t really notice. Only heard the soft chattering among groups as he hung back until Marcos arrived and took Dawn from him. She was too small to really understand what was happening — and only seemed to register that her father was there, ready to console her for the news that would come eventually. When she was old enough to understand. By the time Erik had spoken, Remy had already nursed the flask he’d stored in his coat pocket, back to something he’d managed to reign in when he and Lorna had gotten serious about his role in Dawn’s life. It had been a requirement, but now Dawn was with Marcos and Lorna was dead, so what was the point?

RAHNE: Of all the souls the universe had to steal from her, it had to be Dani and Sam. Her family. Never expecting tragedies like this to hit so close to home, Rahne couldn’t help but feel somewhere deep down that everything was her fault. Sure, there was no legitimate justification to her feelings, but the voice in her head - the one that sounded a lot like Reverend Craig - served as a persistent reminder that she could have done much much better. Maybe she could have saved them — if she’d been better. But moments like this ( funerals - or memorials, at the very least ), however soul-sucking they felt, were necessary. They helped the spirits of the deceased pass on. And if there was anything Rahne wanted left in the world, it was for her friends to be able to do just that - despite the gnawing in her gut that reminded her resurrection was possible, just not right now. Dani and Sam at least deserved this. But as she let her thoughts get the best of her, Rahne was having increasingly more and more trouble paying attention to those speaking. It was Erik right now. The pain in his voice was evident, and her heart ached in sympathy with his.

EMMA: Magneto was telling them to be better. Out of all of the people in the world, the mutant ‘terrorist’ was speaking with sympathetic eyes and a diplomats tongue. They had slipped into some kind of strange alternate reality where the earth was no longer spinning on its axis. It had been nudged ever so slightly to the side and now they were unable to right it. Emma had never been good at accepting no as an answer. Winston Frost had dealt them with a heavy hand and Emma had been too meek to rail as hard as she could against them. The flat chested brunette with glasses and insecurity had been gone so long that most didn’t know she ever existed. There were no pictures or home movies. Just the slight hum of insecurity that occasionally flared up under Emma’s breastbone and reminded her how human she was. No matter bulletproof she pretended to be, at the end of the day Emma was capable of shattering and in that moment she was splintering. Not that it would be obvious. Thigh high boots, skintight skirt that barely cleared her ass  -- it all served a purpose. It made her feel strong when she felt weak and right then she felt very, very, weak. Arriving to the funeral of her lovers wife on his arm may have seemed strange to some but Emma and Scott had long since surpassed norms or standards. He could mourn Jean. The two Stepford Cuckoos present were haunted by the three daughters that Emma had lost. She loved them, but there was a weight in her heart where Kate had once resided. There were too many ghosts now, Emma mused as she tossed back her second - third?? - flute of champagne. The clinking of the glass hitting the table coincided with the final note of Erik’s little speech. “I loathe this.” Emma signaled with one black polished hand for another glass. “I expect someone to be drunk, sad and stupid and you, Scott Summers, are to ensure that it is not me.”

LAURA: It would be redundant to say that Laura was familiar with death. Her mind had learned to process at a ( too ) young age and ever since then had known how to compartmentalize and move on. It had been a long time but some still stung more than others. Her role that night wasn’t to be a babysitter, per se, but she didn’t plan on drinking her sorrows away. That seemed to be the job of others. Instead, she turned her nose at the bitter strains of the alcohol everyone seemed to be drinking and kept an eye out for Logan while making her way to Remy. “They said we would never attend a funeral again.”

CABLE: There was no standard definition of family that Nathan Summers had ever latched onto. It was a skewed concept to him-- a product of being thrown into a foreign time, taken away from everything he should have been able to learn about and love as he grew. And there was a big difference between parents and people who raised you. Nate was raised to be a fighter, because that was the only thing he could be. He needed to fight for his life from the very start. He needed to fight to make his way in a harsh and unwelcome reality. He was raised well enough, but there were no parents for him 1600 years in the future. His parents were in the here and now, the 21st century. He had bounced around through time, passing through. But eventually, he stayed. And it was because of them-- his parents. Because after all his mistakes, after showing them how two decades of life becoming a time-traveling super-soldier could make someone harsh and brash and not easy to love-- they wanted to love him anyway. Nate had heard all about families and that kind of love, but actually feeling it? That changed him. While Erik spoke, Nate barely registered anything he was saying. The words became muddled in his ears as his thoughts wandered to Jean-- his real mother in all ways that mattered-- and how horribly bitter and angry he was that she was gone. The chatter started back up and Nathan looked up as things came into focus again. He saw his father, Emma at his side. Maybe it would have been proper to greet Scott, seeing as they were the ones left behind. But Nate couldn't get his feet to move. Unconsciously he shifted in place, his shoulder gently leaning into Lana next to him. He wanted to talk, but he didn't know what to say. He hated being angry. He hated being sad. But he was thankful that he at least wasn't alone.

SCOTT: Emma had stood before him, readjusting his tie, the silence lingering between them as they’d finished getting ready at her palace. They hadn’t said much — Scott had just continued to look at her through a pair of glasses he’d swapped his visor out for. The past few days, since the arrest of Osborn and since he’d carried Emma here again, for the second time in two months, they’d been quiet around each other, both respectively mourning a loss. Despite knowing that they had the ability to resurrect once they secured Eve and Hope, it was still a tough reality to wrap your mind around. And then they’d heard the news. Eve and Hope had disappeared off of Cerebro’s radar. They’d been presumed dead. The air was heavier today and Scott couldn’t shake it. Jean had died before. Jean had died without an idea of resurrection before, but with baby Charles, with the life they were building, with their home, this time just felt — different. They’d both left her palace and arrived at the Kirby building with only a small conversation passed between them. They’d walked in together and Scott had stared straight ahead, but the hand he had on Emma’s squeezed periodically. He needed her now in a way he never had before. As Emma finished her third glass, Scott placed it on a passing tray and grabbed a fresh one, setting it down in front of her. “Wouldn’t be you with or without my intervention.” he replied. “I thought the funerals were over.” he said softly to himself.

TEDDY: In the lives they chose to lead, death was always circling. Yet it somehow still didn’t feel real that he was gone. Just days ago they’d been laughing, curled up in either of their rooms—escaping the chaos of the world spinning wildly out of control around them. And now he was gone. Worse, any hope of bringing him back died with him and it hurt more than anything he’d experienced, so much he could barely breathe. Erik’s words rang through his ears yet he zoned out of the speech midway through. He’d been crying for days, yet the tears kept rolling in, no matter how exhausted he was. He hadn’t been in this world very long but he knew Billy had been the love of his life—and he only got two years with him before he was ripped away. He didn’t want to move on, he didn’t want to even consider a future with anyone else, he wanted to go back to a week ago and hold him again. He wanted to wake up that morning and not let him get out of bed so he was never anywhere near that explosion to begin with. Inhaling with a shaky breath he blinked through a heavy stream of tears. “I can’t do this.” he turned to Kate abruptly. “I can’t.”

REMY: He’d emptied the flask at some point during Erik’s speech and now he reached for a passing glass. Champagne, it looked like. What an inappropriate choice. Looking down at it, he almost handed it back, but that nagging pull at the base of his skull had him finishing it too, just as Laura approached. “T’ey lied.” he grumbled, abandoning the glass somewhere, he didn’t care. “T’ey have servers passing around champagne like it’s a celebration, but no open bar.” his mismatched eyes swung to meet Laura’s. “So what are we celebratin’ then.”

ILLYANA: She always wore black so it wasn’t much of a stretch for Illyana to dress for the occasion. Mourning had never really been her thing but some of the dead were teammates, the other her best friend ( who had nearly become her sister in law ) she hadn’t done the best at keeping up with. Krakoa made them feel like they had all the time in the world when it had suddenly become very apparent that they didn’t. Of all the people there it was Emma and Scott that Illyana was strangely the closest with. They had served as the core of Nation-X before splintering apart. While Illyana knew she could join them she opted to leave the two be and instead found herself near Rahne. “So we have this thing called resurrection,” she glanced down at her friend. “But when we need it for people we care about, it’s gone. чушь собачья.”

PIETRO: Listening to Erik drone on about loss like he had any place to miss Wanda when, in his opinion, he barely knew her, was beyond irritating. Perhaps his anger was misguided, yet it was far easier to channel it at one individual than attempt a trapeze act between miserable, devastated, and furious. There was a large part of him that wanted to die along with her. It didn’t feel right existing in a world where she didn’t—and another part of him wondered how the hell she’d done it when the roles were reversed. He took an angry swig of his ale and stayed leaned against a tree near the back of the group. His method of coping had essentially been to stay belligerently drunk for the better part of the last 72 hours. With the news of any hope of a resurrection slipping right through their fingers he was finding little reason to stay alive.

KATE: “Hey, hey.” Kate hadn’t really been listening to the speech but as soon as Teddy was turning Kate was moving to wrap her arms around her friend. He was taller and broader but she had always had long arms. Helped with the archery thing. “I know.” Her voice was quiet. “I know. But we have to. You have to. This is one of those times when we have to be strong when we don’t think we can. But we’re going to help you, okay?” Kate pulled back to tilt her heads upwards to look at his. “Me, America, everyone. We love you.”

RAHNE: Rahne let out a bitter chuckle, glancing at her feet, “Sounds about right. Not t’ sound like a pessimist, well - given the situation - but nothin’ ever wants to go our way, right? It’s all one big, cosmic joke.” She turned to face Illyana, tears welling beneath dark eyes. For a brief moment, they glowed yellow, but the light was quickly extinguished, “—I should’ve been there instead.”

ILLYANA: “You weren’t invited.” Illyana shook her head sharply. “I was. But it would not make a difference in the end. They’re gone.”  They were gone and they couldn’t bring them back. Illyana couldn’t hide her bitterness -- nor she did want to. “They’re gone and we’re here. What will you do with that?”

ALEX: Alex refused to stand too close near any others at the funeral; ( He debated even coming at all, but several had urged him to - for your own good, Alex. ) for personal reasons, and because even if he couldn’t see the bastard - he was almost positive Sinister was breathing down his neck at all times, urging him to be on his best behavior. That put him somewhere out on the perimeter, near a slowly unraveling Pietro. “You know, I was gonna ask if you wanted company, but then I realized you don’t have much of a choice,” he let out a curt laugh, leaning against an adjacent tree.

RAHNE: Rahne couldn’t meet Illyana’s eyes again. You bloody coward, a voice in her head chided. The other girl was clearly very angry - and that, juxtaposed with Rahne’s ever-flowing fountain of guilt, didn’t seem to be leading anywhere good. She didn’t have an answer to Illyana’s question, at least not a good one, so she folded her arms over her chest and shrugged, putting all her energy into slowing her heartbeat, “Don’t know.”

CRYSTALIA: It was the worst timing in the entire world. Once again, everything seemed to be burning down like a wildfire with no way to extinguish it. It wasn’t about her but Crystalia had found herself with a myriad of personal problems. Her abdication of the throne had been fast and unexpected but after a tense conversation with her sister and brother in law they had agreed to step back in. Crystalia spent her nights adjusting to her normal and mornings sick to her stomach. It hadn’t been hard to figure out and the physicians had urged her to reach out and make contact with the one person she had been with ( even if she refused to name him ) to see where he stood. The funeral of his twin sister seemed to be horrible place to do so but Crystalia had been invited and he had been hard to get a hold of otherwise. Dressed in the appropriate black with the dark ring still dyed in back of her strawberry locks, the Inhuman cut through the crowd to where Pietro stood with a mutant she hadn’t seen before. The smell of the spirits he was clutching made bile rise in her throat, but she just smoothed her skirt down instead. “I need to speak with you. It’s important.”

LOGAN: "Nothin' good." Logan was staring down at his glass of champagne as he walked over to Laura and Remy. His steps felt slow and heavy, and the bubbly stuff in his glass had never been to his liking. If he was going to drink, he preferred it to not be fizzy. But it was what it was. Nothing about this event would be good, not even if he tried to pretend it was. "Never been good at funerals or parties. But no matter where they serve it, champagne sucks." Small talk. Logan wasn't good at small talk either, and yet the words coming out of his mouth was boring and ridiculous bullshit. It was better than talking about the mess of thoughts and feelings he was currently trying to tackle down.

LAURA: Logan and Remy were, objectively, the two most important people in Laura’s life and they had both lost the person they loved. There were a lot of condolences but none of them really amounted to much. Logan and Remy knew that Laura was sorry for their loss. It went without saying. Light eyes moved from one man to the other, lingering on their glasses. “That may be on purpose. They said they’re going to try and do something.” Something, as in anything, to fix it.

PIETRO:  His azure hues slowly slide over to the the man he only vaguely knew as Alex Summers. On any other day he might be civil, if Wanda were there to shoot an unapproving look or nudge him with a quick jab of her elbow, he might find it in him to feign nice. Yet his mood is terribly sour and unfortunately the next words to tumble out of his mouth would be rude. “Was that supposed to be a joke?” He took another swig of his drink. “It was terrible.” He muttered. The only thing more miserable than the funeral was having to endure it in slow motion. As Crystalia approached, he was actually relatively pleased to see her. They’d only spent a short time together but he was far more fond of her than most. Though her serious tone immediately shook what little nerves he had left “Excuse me, Alex.” He nodded to the Summers brother and gently placed a hand at the small of Crys’ back, guiding her to a more secluded location. “What’s wrong?”

LANA: Even though she had been doing the mutant song and dance for a while now there were times when Lana still felt horribly out of place. She hadn’t really known any of the mutants who had died. She had been killed by Magneto once upon a time but now he was giving some kind of eulogy. What happened was @#$@# up. There was literally no way around it. Jean Grey was a name that carried weight in the mutant world but Lana had sat at her kitchen table and had dinner with her son. She had watched Nate play with his brother and very hesitantly joined in because even though babies scared Lana it was clear that Nate adored his brother. That’s why she was attending: for Nate. Her hand was tangled up in his metal one as they entered the room and looked around. “It’s really beautiful.” Her voice was quiet. “Thank you for letting me come with you. Nate, I’m...” she pursed her lips, head shaking. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

ILLYANA: “Not a good answer.” The blonde tapped Rahne on the top of the head. “I plan on raising hell. Seems more productive than crying, no?” Illyana was sad but she was also angry and it was easier to feed that wolf. She needed that to carry her through this.

TEDDY: Teddy let himself sink into her, nodding as she spoke. He took several deep breathes, trying to calm himself enough that he didn’t have a total meltdown right then and there. “I know.” he said. “I love you guys too. I just can’t believe this is still real. I keep thinking I’m gonna wake up from this shitty nightmare and he’ll be laying on the other side of the bed with his hair sticking up in fifteen directions asking me whats wrong.” he sniffled, trying to wipe his face and blink back watery vision. “But this is it. We can’t even bring him back.”

YOUNG JEAN: Funerals for Jean Grey were a dime a dozen. It felt wrong to see her name printed on the programs and spoken aloud, but Jean had to remind herself that she was alive and it was a different version of her who had died. Again. She had cried a decent amount over the entire thing but by the time Jean arrived her eyes were dry. Feeling out of place at her own funeral, Jean had eventually made her way over to Erik without even realizing it. “I miss her.” She admitted. “And I know you must miss them too. I’m sorry.”

ALEX: An eyeroll was the only response he could muster to Pietro’s clipped reply. Clearly, the woman ( one whom he vaguely recognized as part of the Inhuman royal family ) had something dire to discuss with Alex’s unwilling conversation partner. So the grieving Summers brother nodded at the duo, before watching them leave, as he remained behind - the back of his suit jacket dirtied by tree bark.

ORORO: Ororo had learned to control her emotions from a young age. A slip in the pendulum swinging too far one way or the next and the atmosphere could light ablaze. It was a heavy weight on her shoulders indeed, but in cases like this it helped her hold it together. The loss they’d suffered was deep, and it struck within their community for so many. She was filled with devastation and anger for the blatant attack on their people, yet she was also determined to get to the bottom of it. “Don’t mind him,” Ro said, approaching Alex. She’d just caught the tail end of the conversation. “Pietro’s never nice to anyone aside from his sister.” she glanced at the white haired young man as he walked away with the Inhuman girl, interest piqued at the nature of that relationship. “How are you holding up?” she asked Alex.

REMY: “W’at are we even burying.” he said bitterly, the anger and sadness a swirling blizzard inside of him. He really hated the taste of champagne and he hated that his tolerance was to a point that he was still bitterly sober and entirely tired of funerals. “Holding a funeral for nothin’ but ash.”

EMMA: Her nails were digging into his palm. It had to hurt but Scott hadn’t said anything so Emma had just kept at it, black filed points meeting flesh. Scott had been as dashing and heroic as ever ( he veered sharply between golden boy prince charming and too intense extremist ) and had not only carried her home but also called the physician she kept at the ready. It was a concussion. A bad one, exasperated by the rush of using her powers directly after. Rest, rest and no alcohol had been prescribed but here Emma was pounding back champagne after not sleeping for two days. “One would think, but I am so completely and utterly tired of this dreadful bullshit.” It wasn’t just the funeral she was referencing. It was this entire situation they were now trapped in. She downed the glass as well before pinching at her nose slightly, mouth scrunched. “Paradise is lost. They fooled us well, didn’t they, darling?”

RAHNE: Rahne flinched slightly as Illyana’s hand came in contact with her head. “Who said anythin’ about cryin’?” she protested, tone defiant despite the sniffle she couldn’t suppress. Swiping a sleeve of her black sweater over her eyes, Rahne glanced up at her friend, fearful but curious, “You know tha’s not really my speed, but I’m in. Wha’ever you need me t’do, just say it.”

CABLE: Was it beautiful? Up until this point, Nate hadn't really paid attention to anything around him. Once he heard Lana's comment he made an effort to take a good look around him, brows pinched together like he was concerned he would miss something important. After a few seconds he stopped, almost like the effort of taking it all in was too much effort right now. He didn't comment back about how nice the location was-- even though he agreed with her from what he saw-- and instead let out a sigh. He felt her hand in his and relaxed a bit, letting the physical contact connect and ground him to the moment. He was grateful Lana was here. He loved her for so many reasons and for a moment Nate focused on that feeling instead of the aching pain in his chest. "You're here with me." When he finally spoke, his voice was even quieter than hers. "That's enough. Thank you." For once, Nathan was wearing a nice suit-- not the body suit he stuck himself in practically everyday. It wasn't the first time he had dressed up, but this style still felt so foreign to him. He didn't feel like himself. His hair was even different-- devoid of it's usual spunk and instead laying flat against his forehead. The tuft of white was hidden underneath the brown but peaked out slightly when he ran a few fingers through it. "I want to go home and see Charlie. But then I remember she won't be there with him, and.." He shook his head. "Nothing feels real. I think it was easier when we were the ones who died, instead of them."

ALEX: Alex shifted slightly as Ororo approached, making room should she so choose to lean against the same tree. Despite the apprehension he felt at the moment toward being near anyone for fear of causing harm, Ororo’s presence was immediately much more comfortable - and he knew the woman had very few reasons to worry about Alex, so why should he worry in her stead? The question, while expected, caught him somewhat off guard and he stumbled to find an answer, “I- Holding up? Not sure what you mean by that.” His tone was light, humor masking hurt.

CRYSTALIA: Even though Inhumans tended to be low in the alcoholism field, Crystal could sense that he was drunk. You really only needed eyes to tell. His hand was on her back as guided the two towards a more secluded side. She had been nervous before but now it was intensifying. “You remember that we -- spent the night together, correct?” a pause. “Can you manage a conversation right now?”

KATE: “He really did have terrible hair.” Kate joked lightly even though they both knew it wasn’t true. “Look, the mutants are waving the white flag but for months they’ve been talking about this amazing island they’re building. My boyfriend’s a mutant. I can try and talk to him, see if he knows anything. I can’t believe they’d just quit like this.”

PIETRO: His brows furrowed deeply and he had to focus on her intensely to follow her words but he could manage. It helped she was speaking slowly in his perspective. “Yes—and yes.” he answered. “of course i remember, we had a lot of fun—did we not?” Despite the inebriation and absolute misery he still found room to be flirtatious. Some things never died.

ERIK: A soft look of surprise had glossed over him when Erik turned to Jean and realized it was her. He blinked quickly a few times, clearing the fog in his mind before he answered her. "I do." He replied with a nod. "I find myself questioning whether or not I have a right to miss them as everyone here is missing the people they care about. That's what comes with having a complicated relationship with grief. And with the people I am grieving." It never failed to surprise him how easy it was to be open with Jean. Even with their relationship currently in a less than ideal state, he trusted her. That never changed. And he was glad she was willing to speak to him. "How are you holding up, Jean?"

SCOTT: “It’s not their fault.” He defended automatically, even though he understood that Emma was attacking no one. At least, no one he should be defending. “We let our defenses down and we didn’t handle Osborn the way we should. We tried to be diplomatic. We tried to stave off war.” The anger was cold, numbing. “We should have killed him the minute he became president.”

CRYSTALIA: “Yes, we had a lot of fun.” Crystal couldn’t help the blush that flushed her cheeks. She had never looked good when blushing. It put her hair and face too close together in color. “We had a lot of fun and maybe not a lot of precaution? I haven’t been feeling well. With everything going on I haven’t been able to see you, and my doctors wanted to confirm it first.”

ORORO: Ororo crossed her arms and tilted her head at Alex “You lost people, I want to know how you’re doing.” she continued. Deflection was a go to for many of them, admittedly even for herself, but there was no sense in it at the moment. If he wished to talk she was tossing him a line.

ILLYANA: “Your tear ducts. Maybe.” She had cried alone and that was how Illyana preferred it. Rahne had always been more sensitive. Maybe it was all of the repressed Catholic guilt. “We are going to find a new speed. I’m accepting a mission tomorrow. I can’t sit here and be sad. When did you last talk to Dani?”

PIETRO: Pietro’s altered state of mind meant he was sloppy, not stupid—he was piecing it together, yet he was hoping what he was assuming and what she was saying were very different things. “At the risk of being terribly rude, could you please spit it out.” He felt a sharp rise in anxiety as the seconds ticked on. His eyes flashed down to her abdomen and then back to hers. “Are you saying you’re...” He trailed waiting for her to fill in the blanks.

LOGAN: "From what I gathered, there's no other something to be done." Logan scoffed, taking a large gulp of the horrible drink in his hand and making a face of disgust as he did. He turned to Remy. "You and I might not be fans of the funeral thing, but everyone else seems to need this. What did you expect them to do? Do nothing just because we don't have their bodies?" He was taking out his feelings on them, and even though he was aware of it, he couldn't stop it. It was easy to argue when he was pissed off and depressed.

EMMA: Her gaze was rock hard as Emma glared at the crowd for a moment. “I wanted to, lest you forget. I wanted to topple his whole empire the moment he violated me. They twisted my mind, humiliated me and then they had to take my children?” Emma hated the fact that her voice cracked. She turned to hide her face, the waiter she’d telepathically ordered to stay near delivering her another glass. “I don’t really care whose fault it is, Scott. Not at this point.”

CRYSTALIA: “I’m pregnant.” Crystalia blinked, finding no relief in her admission. “I’m pregnant.” There, she had said it twice. Still didn’t feel any better. “It’s so soon but the physician said it’s growing incredibly fast and that’s probably your fault. Not that they know it’s yours.” The fault  of the father, they had said. Her abdomen looked the same as always even though there was something apparently taking root inside. It terrified her. “I thought you should know.”

PIETRO: He blinked...several long, agonizing seconds ticked by and for the first time in three days his mind was not consumed with the loss of his sister. It was instead jolted into a stream of panicked thoughts. “They don’t know its mine because it could be someone else’s?” He asked quickly.

LAURA: As Remy began to wax poetic and Logan seemed to grow more pissed off Laura crossed her arms over her chest. The dress was scratching her skin and it nagged at the corner of her mind. Of course there were no bodies. They had been blown up. Neither Jean or Lorna’s children were orphans but Laura still felt the sharp bite of losing a mother. “Logan,” she turned to her father slightly. “How are you? Actually.”

ALEX: “I don’t know— not good that’s for sure,” Alex grinned, the expression not fully reaching his eyes. He and Lorna hadn’t been on the best of terms when they last spoke, so her death may have hit a bit harder than normal. Jean’s absence was also a punch in the gut. The two of them had grown closer over the past few months, and while she may have only been his sister-in-law, her loss felt like half of the wind had been stolen from his lungs. Truly, Alex was aimless — and very very unsure of how to articulate this to Ororo. “I- I don’t know what to do with myself.”

CRYSTALIA: Without thinking Crystalia opened her mouth. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with, so that’s not it.” She had been with Johnny Storm but it had been puppy love. Inconsequential. It wasn’t a secret that she was a virgin but Crystal hadn’t mentioned it and now they were in the thick of it. “They don’t know it’s yours because I didn’t tell them. Medusa asked, but you’re a mutant. Magneto’s son. I’m Princess of Attilan. We’re not exactly on the  best of terms most days.”

RAHNE: Dani. Oh God— Dani. Rahne took a slow, deep breath as clawed nails dug into the palms of her hands, and the urge to sob subsided. A comfortable numbness arose in its place. “What kind of mission?” She asked, one dark brow raised in curiosity, “Could probably use a distraction’. Might be a good thing. For the both of us.”

LOGAN: I'm alone. Logan replied to his daughter in his head but managed to keep it to himself. His eyes darted over to where Scott and Emma were, and his jaw tensed, but he again managed to hold his tongue. Lifting his glass, Logan gulped down the rest of the champagne and found it still as disgusting as the last time. "How do you think I am?" His voice was lower this time. "She's gone. There's no bringin' her back. This is the part where I move on."

YOUNG JEAN: “I get that.” Jean sighed. “I mean, I was so determined to not go to the past I almost got Jean wiped from existence while pregnant. I was so intimidated by her and the idea of being Jean Grey, but I never wanted her dead.” Jean couldn’t really explain what she was feeling. “I know it’s been weird between us lately, but with all this death and stuff... would you want to maybe play chess sometime?” She glanced downwards, red hair slipping from its updo. “Fine, I guess. Debating if I need to raise my future son. How are you?”

PIETRO: Pietro opened his mouth to speak and for once no words came out. “—I—didn’t know that.” he finally managed. She certainly failed to mention that when they’d had sex and now he was more than mildly concerned he should have gone about the whole thing a bit differently. “Forgive me if I’m not up to speed on the politics, but what exactly is wrong with my being a mutant?” He asked. In the background, his brain was still trying to process the fact that she was pregnant and it was his.

ILLYANA: As they spoke one arm crossed over the other as Illyana surveyed the room. “I’m the Combat Captain of Krakoa. Scott’s the Commander but I’m giving him a week.” It seemed like a fitting time to mourn your dead wife. “You want to travel and check the Krakoan gates with me? It is far from exciting, but without Sage we need someone who can easily get to them all. There may be some humans congregating who need to be pushed back. That part could be fun.”

RAHNE: Rahne didn’t have to think — she just nodded, vigorously, red hair bouncing as she did so. “Absolutely. Count me in. Aye aye, Captain,” she punctuated her sentence with an awkward salute before a halfhearted grin crept onto her face. Maybe things would be okay after all.

CRYSTALIA: Crystal’s eyes drifted downwards as he spoke. “I know. I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I was happy.” Happy enough that she didn’t want to risk it turning sour. “I never told you that I’m royalty, so I apologize. I didn’t think that that ( sex ) would turn into this ( a baby ). A quick history lesson: Inhumans get our powers from Terrigen Mists. The Mists are poisonous to mutants. As in, kills them. There was a fight over that. One of your own also drowned me and took me hostage when he was possessed with the Phoenix. Our people don’t love one another.”

ILLYANA: “No, no. Don’t call me that.” Illyana shook her head. Rahne would slow her down but it looked like it was something she needed. Besides, they had been friends for a long time. “I wanted to go back to space but apparently the Majestrix wants to stay on Earth. We have to settle.”

ERIK: "Of course you didn't, I know." Erik was trying his hardest to be gentle with her-- especially on the topic of her choice to stay in the present. That event had sent their relationship spiraling again and he didn't wish to dig up their ill feelings. Erik hadn't wanted this Jean to leave, and he wanted her to be safe and happy, but it had been impossible to balance both. Once again, Jean was surprising him. At her chess suggestion, his expression softened dramatically to the point where he was practically smiling. "I would like that. Very much. It's a struggle to find a good partner to play with." Then his face shifted again. "Are you referring to young Charles? It's a tragedy that he is without his mother, but you must not burden yourself with that. You are young, you have your own life, Jean." Erik stopped himself, realizing he might sound a bit insensitive. If there was anyone who shouldn't give advice on how to properly raise kids, it was him. "I am.." How was he? He didn't have the words to describe it. "There is plenty to do, to keep busy. I will focus on that, and hope that things will be better in the future."

LANA: If she could have made it better, she would have. Lana hated feeling useless even if she did often and here was no different. “Of course I am. There’s nowhere else I’d even consider being.” He broke her out of jail and snapped the collar from her neck. How could she abandon him when his mother had died? Seeing him mourn his mom made Lana even more sad that her mother was shit and they’d never had any kind of positive relationship. Nate didn’t deserve this. Jean didn’t deserve this. If she could have swapped her mom for his Lana would have in a heartbeat. “He’s a part of her.” Lana reminded him. “And you are too. I’m glad you have Scott and Charlie and Rachel right now. I’m glad you’re not alone.” Nate needed people who could be there in a way that Lana couldn’t. She turned so that they were chest to chest, bodies close. “Maybe. But they hurt so much when you were gone.” That was the difference between them: Nate had people who missed him. Lana never would. “I didn’t know your mom well but Jean would not want a world without you in it. It doesn’t take a telepath to see how much she loved you.”

YOUNG JEAN: “I never really apologized. I know she knew, but I should have said it and now I never will. I should have let her know.” It had been eating at Jean. That guilt was overriding her previous anger at Erik for not siding with her.  She was here. In the future. Jean had a life and now it seemed so pointless to be holding onto past grudges over it all. When he agreed to a match Jean found she couldn’t smile even if she was relieved. There had to be at least one semblance of comfort or normalcy she could find. Scott had been perfect. He had been patient and gentle but Jean still wanted to scream. “I’m his mother. Technically, genetically, whatever. I don’t want him to not have a mom.” That being said, Jean was only a year over twenty. She had  a lot of lessons still to learn. “I just feel bad, that’s all. Charles keeps cooing when he sees me. It’s  like they had a psychic connection and he knows I’m a part of it.” Every time Jean saw a combination of her and Scott it was weird but it was  beginning to make her heart ache. Jean  had gained Erik’s trust by not reading his mind when she was able to but in this moment it wouldn’t have been necessary. “You’re sad. That’s okay. I am too. Erik,” Jean paused. “Is this really it? Is there nothing we can do?”

SCOTT: “We never learn our lesson, do we.” Scott turned to face Emma fully, his eyes tracing the lines of her face behind his glasses. “It’s our fault, Emma. It’s our fault that mutants walked into a building and didn’t walk back out. We sat idly by and let Osborn and his band of idiots terrorize us. The Avengers. Gen pop.” his mouth had settled into a hard line. “Nation-X wasn’t our proudest moment, but at least we didn’t just let mutants die.”

JULIAN: “I have a name, you know.” Julian said casually as he approached, a set of two glasses in one hand and a loner in the other. He handed one to Kate and then offered Teddy the other, as if he were expecting this conversation. “Take it. You look like you need it.” His eyes moved between the two of them, and for a moment, it seemed like he were debating what came next. “It’s not happening. We’re back to just dying like regular people. No resurrections guaranteed for anyone.”

RAHNE: “Settle how?” Rahne raised an eyebrow, ignoring Illyana’s protests to her unintentional nickname, “Of course they want to stay- cannae make anythin’ simple for us, can they.”

EMMA: There was a scoff, Emma’s lips poised right over the rim of her glass. “Great. Thank you, Scott. I truly needed that soul crushing guilt heaped on my head. It’s my fault then that darling Jeannie is dead? And Kate; my daughters as well? They were adults. Competent, powerful adults. You know this. We operated in the sphere that the Avengers and Council set for us. I would have lobotomized him a long time ago, but it was all we must bide our time, Emma, and we need to get him in the right spot.” Scott wasn’t the one she was angry at. Emma knew that. She just couldn’t keep the resentment from sneaking into her tone. “Yes, well, apparently it’s a fantasy to live in a world where you can be happy and effective. We picked the former this time around. Our mistake.”

TEDDY: “Yeah that much is pretty obvious, but uh��thanks for the reminder. Funeral wasn’t enough.” Teddy replied and debated on accepting the drink. After a moment he took it. Not that it would help but for once it was actually nice of Julian to actually think of someone other than himself or with the incentive of getting laid. But, then again, with Kate right there it was entirely possible he was putting up a good front for her sake.

ILLYANA: “In light of recent events I don’t really want to be in this solar system. So, yes. We’ll settle.” It would have been smart to ask Isabel if she wanted to come with them, but Illyana didn’t want her dead friends wife tagging along. It would ruin any attempts at trying to purge her anger to a more acceptable level. “Little Xandra wanted to reconnect with her father but Charles is missing. Seems pointless to me.”

JULIAN: “Figured the reminder was all around you, considering. Didn’t realize you came to the funeral to escape it all.” He nursed at his own drink, even if he really didn’t have a taste for it.

TEDDY: “Yeah it’s almost like everyones dressed in black and sad.” he said, sipping his own. How Kate managed to date the guy, Teddy would never understand. Julian might be cute from a distance but up close he was like someone threw Pietro and Tommy in the same body and set the asshole dial to 100. “Are you planning on being an ass to the rest of the people here in mourning or am I just special?”

SCOTT: He understood why it was more difficult for Emma to understand why Scott shouldered so much of the blame. Why he thought they all did. In fact, he only took the blame because he was Scott — he didn’t even have a seat on the council. “If we sat back instead of doing something and that resulted in death? Then yeah, it’s out fault.” he instinctively reached out to grab Emma’s hand. “This isn’t meant to make you feel guilty. You should be angry. Sad. That doesn’t change that we should’ve done more and we should have listened less.” But it was so easy to speak retroactively. Scott wasn’t even sure he would have been able to do something other than ordered. “We just do better next time.” the promise was there, even if he wasn’t sure if it were empty. “The mistake we made was believing we were safe in Krakoa.”

CABLE: There was almost no hesitation after Lana moved in front of him-- Nate let himself lean down and set his forehead down on hers. His eyes were closed, jaw tense. Everything was tense. It felt like he would crumble apart if he didn't try to physically hold himself together. It felt strange to admit that he knew his mother loved him. Part of the reason that fact was so easy for him to understand was because he had Madelyne to compare her to-- the woman who gave birth to him didn't care much for him. Jean had taken to him right away and it had been terrifying. But his parents were the reason he had stayed. "Before I got here, they had been doing fine. They had that old version of me. Sometimes I still wonder if they miss him more than they ever missed me." Nate was still holding on to a lot of the resentment and guilt surrounding that day. But it was done. There was no time traveling back to fix it-- too messy. "If I hadn't stayed, right now I would be somewhere and some time far away. Eventually I would learn she was gone but it wouldn't have hurt this much. Or maybe with me not being here it wouldn't have happened at all." He lifted his head, eyes still glued to Lana as he straightened up. He tried to smile. "But if I hadn't stayed, I wouldn't have gotten close to you. And leaving you here without ever getting to kiss me would have been so rude."

KATE: And just like that two worlds were colliding. Kate didn’t mix her boyfriend with her friends for the most part for reasons she found obvious even if they weren’t. America maybe but she was special. “That you do.” She accepted the drink, one arm reaching out to snake around Julian’s waist. Kate was in the middle of a sip when the tone began to shift and she tried to mask slightly choking on the champagne with a weak cough. “Let’s cut this before it goes any further. Teddy’s in mourning. I’m in mourning.” Kate pulled back to tilt her heads upward at Julian. “And we’re all being respectful of that. No one needs to be an ass.”

PIETRO: “That wouldn’t have ruined the moment.” He’d known Crystalia for a short time but he’d begun to care for her. In the past he bounced from fling to fling without thinking about it, but she captivated him in a way that he’d yet to experience before. After her explanation he had an oncoming headache that wasn’t from the ale. He’d somehow managed to not only impregnate her, but she was the princess of a group of people that clashed with mutants. What were the odds? Leave it to him to achieve the impossible. He tucked the information about Namor in the back of his mind and set the bottle down on the ground beside the tree, leaning against it with his shoulder. Pietro sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This somehow didn’t feel real. “You said it was growing quickly—how quickly?” He couldn’t be all that surprised considering the nature of his abilities and the two of their genetics.

LAURA: He wasn’t alone, but it wasn’t the time to point that out. Even if the words didn’t leave his mouth Laura knew Logan. The two of them would always have that weight tying them to one another no matter how much they grew. And god, Laura had grown. She had grown only because she had clawed her way there one step at a time. “I think me trying to guess would just upset you more. It doesn’t seem right.” Laura took a step back, once again bringing Remy into the fold. She had just needed a second to check on her father before returning her attention to both. “It’s not the Krakoa they promised.” The Krakoa she had wanted to believe in but was so hesitant about because it was an inevitable powder keg. “Magneto and Moira haven’t said anything else?  They’re just folding?”

JULIAN: Julian’s dark eyes travelled down to meet Kate’s and he wanted to ignore the serious glint there, but he knew that would just end worse than some petty squabble with Kaplan’s (ex) boyfriend. Resigning into his glass, Julian shifted back into whatever casual indifference he’d arrived in. “Sorry for your loss.” it was about as close as Teddy would get to an olive branch.

ERIK: Erik let a stifled sigh, jaw tense, and looked away briefly before answering. "Being a part of that child's life does not mean you must take on the responsibility of raising him. It's very selfless of you to even consider it. But Jean-- you have your own life. Do not listen to anyone, not even me." His reply came with a shake of his head. Lately it felt as if he always had too much to say. Or not enough. His mind went almost painfully blank after that-- the whole emotions thing. Maybe he just wasn't built to feel things like everyone else did. He was sad. "I had my chances to be a parent. Many times. If I had the chance to go back and start it all over with my first daughter.. The point is, I shouldn't advise you on baby Charles. But I know you'll do the right thing." There was a pause as he shifted the conversation and cleared his throat. "I don't have an answer for you. But I can't say there isn't a one in a million chance at fixing things somewhere out there. There's always hope." Now he was starting to sound like Charles. Times had certainly changed.

RAHNE: “You’d think that’d be enough of a reason t’ go home,” Rahne shrugged. The presence of the Shi’ar was a truly unique course of events, and Rahne would be lying to herself if she said she’d prefer they stayed. But if Illyana had a way out of this - or at the very least, a way of distracting them from all this, Rahne was ready to leap ( for lack of a better term ) into action.

HANK: Henry had been keeping to himself by and large through all of this. Despite his enormous wealth knowledge and composure very little of that made things any easier. He had just lost one of his oldest friends once again and now Betsy, someone he had been hoping would one day be more than that. Someone he felt at ease around and respect greatly. Now he was just a mess. Fur going every which way from constant nervous picking he meandered aimlessly, with the rare sight of a drink in his hand. "Everything says alcohol is a depressant and does more harm to your emotional state in the long run, but for once I say nay to science. It's making things tolerable.

REMY: “What do you expect them to do?” Remy looked down into the flute and watched the inch of liquid swirl. “It’s out of their hands.” the sadness was thick and heavy in his voice. “Maybe we’re just no’ meant to be happy at the end of the day.”

EMMA: In moments like this they needed to band together, not fall apart. Emma knew that. She was a good businesswoman and an even better teacher. There were a lot of hats she had precariously balanced on blown out roots but in that moment she wanted to set each and every one on fire. No matter how hard her skin became or how unpenetrable her mind was, Emma was made of the same fragile, delicate bones as everyone else and she didn’t break well. For the most part she kept herself buttoned in. The death of Kate she could have stomached with grace. The death of her daughters she could have stomached with composure. In one blow - she knew she could have done more against - it was too much. When Scott reached out her hand danced past his own, first smoothing down a nonexistent flyaway and then grabbing a new flute of champagne. “War is a game of strategy. You pick the one most beneficial. There was no way to know Osborn would cross that line. But that isn’t supposed to make me feel guilty?” Again, a scoff. It was apparently the only sound she was capable of making. “I lost three daughters. Four, almost. We’re to do better next time?*  Next time, when they come  for my remaining two and your sons? I’m grieving. I don’t want to talk about next time. I’m not interested in this game right now.”

ALEX: Through the ebb and flow of conversations, Alex continued meandering around the perimeter of the funeral. As much as he talked about drinking, he was as sober as ever right now, and wow did that suck. But a large, blue figure caught his eye and he approached the other mutant warily, hands reaching out to steady his intoxicated friend, “Woah, hey— take it easy, big guy.”

SCOTT: The hard lines in Scott’s face didn’t soften. “I lost people too, Emma. I failed to keep them alive because I sat on my hands and let people talk. I should have let Nathan take off his head, and I carry that guilt with me. The mother of my child is dead. Again. I feel that, but I can’t be sad about it. I can’t raise my son into a world where his father sits idly by while a madman assassinates us. This isn’t a conversation for now, I agree. But I’m on your side, Emma. It’s fine if we don’t agree about the reality of the situation.”

STRANGE: The doctor walked the perimeter. Despite being invited he still felt that this wasn't his place. Dressed in a black suit and gloves - his hands were still a sensitive spot - he tried to not interfere in their mourning. They were a community, a family in both literal and figurative means. He was not a part of that. He was here because of the tragic loss of Wanda. His student and dear friend. If only he had better prepared her or done more maybe she'd be fine. It took everything he had not to astral project into the various lands of the dead to track her down and have on last chat, so for now, he nod and try not to make things too much about himself.

LOGAN: As Laura stepped a twang of guilt hit him and briefly, the tense lines on his face softened. But they reappeared quickly enough, and he let out another scoff after Remy was done. "And you think I'm a downer." He had been thinking the same thing, but up until then hadn't said it out loud. "He's got a point there. What else is there to do?"

HANK: "That's what I'm attempting to do, Alexander. Take it easy. What is more easy than drinking away travesty and devastation? Or would you prefer me to remain the stiff and ever composed professor?" He said, his tone starting to sharpen as his body shifted towards Alex, his fangs peeking out ever so slightly before catching himself and partially composing himself. "I'm... I apologize, Alex. That wasn't fair of me."

JIMMY: He wanted to say something. Be a part of the healing for everyone, but he just wasn't good enough. At empathy, at helping others, at anything. Besides, he felt at least partially responsible for all of this. He was being controlled by the enemy and hurt the people he called friends and family, so now here he was. In a ragged suit sitting in the grass away from everyone. He had never really felt much of a true member of the troop, but now with his original memories back and being involved in imprisoning some of them he felt he had little right. So here he would stay, alone and watching. Repressing his own grief and emotions until his next violent outburst.

CRYSTALIA: It was nice to know that on this side of things. Her nerves and anxieties had all been internal. After her rushed history lesson Crystal moved to the bench next to the tree and sat down, carefully arranging the folds of her black skirt around her. The dress was loose fitting. Even if she wasn’t showing the nausea was enough to dissuade her from anything tight. Pietro was processing. Crystal had to remind herself that she had sprung this on him at his twin sisters funeral. She hadn’t really understood how close they were, but it was still bad. If he was upset it wasn’t only aimed at her. So, instead of melting down internally, she just focused on breathing carefully. “I feel so stupid. Getting pregnant during the first -- we tried to be safe.” It was a halfhearted reassurance to herself. “We were together a week and a half ago. Roughly. My physicians said I was five weeks along. I told them that wasn’t possible.”

ALEX: Alex immediately took a step backward, letting go of Hank— er, Henry - sometimes his mind had a hard time differentiating between the two; for they were two entirely different people despite being the same person. One thing Alex always understood, more-so now than any other time in his life, was the importance of boundaries, and if he was pushing past the other mutant’s without thinking, maybe it was best to step back. Holding up both hands in a gesture of surrender, Alex was quick to apologize, “No, you’re right. People are grieving. There isn’t anything wrong with what you’re doing.”

LANA: Whenever they were close Lana always had to stand slightly on her toes to try and meet him in the middle. He always ended up bending down more but she liked to feel like she was contributing. For a moment Lana just stood there with Nate, breathing slowly and giving him a moment to try and process. If she was a telepath she would have had all the answers. Instead she felt clunky and unsure of what she could say that  wouldn’t be the wrong thing. “I don’t want to be rude, but wasn’t your mom dead before you came? And your dad kind of a terrorist? They may have had the older you, but life has been better since you’ve been here, Nate.” Lana wasn’t used to being the supporting type for such a long stretch. She wanted to toss in an expletive to alleviate the situation but it wouldn’t have helped. “I don’t have the answer for you. I’m going to tell you that they miss him but they love you. I’m not good at this whole family stuff, you know? There’s no way for you to know at this point. You’re here. You’ve been here. That’s been done, and the world is better for it. I’m not saying that because I like to kiss you. That’s only a tiny part of it.” As they moved apart Lana gave him a small smile. “You’re a saint, Nate Summers. Thanks for not leaving me in the lurch.”

YOUNGER JEAN: At his words Jean shook her head with a small chuckle. “I don’t listen to anyone. That’s why I’m still here and not hanging out in the past waiting to get blown up one day.” Too soon? Maybe, but it felt good to say. “Anya.” The name was spoken quietly. Jean had been in his head. Erik had shown her all of the tragedies that formed the mosaic of his history. She had cried for him then, but this time they were both in mourning. “I doubt Scott’s just going to let me take over baby care taking, but I don’t know. The last time I was around him and Jean was dead was the Nation-X mess. I haven’t heard stellar reviews of him as a dad.” Which was actually a little concerning since she was dating Scott again. Her heart sank at his words. Not a complete no but it wasn’t reassuring. “How could this have happened? I thought we had back-up plan after back-up plan.”

HANK: "I appreciate that but I've overstepped." He said making the conscious decision to pour out his drink onto the ground. "We've all been through a lot as of late and you aren't excluded from that. I was being insensitive of that."

ILLYANA: “I don’t get aliens.” Mutants, some. Demons, definitely. Humans most certainly not. Her eyes scanned the group that was milling about. Henry was looking drunk and talking to Alex. She wanted to prod the latter but with Beast there she would resist. Noticing Jimmy sitting alone, Illyana nodded her head once in a wordless invite before moving towards him. “Hey, lover boy. You look happy to be here.”

LAURA: Unsure of what exactly to say, Laura reached into her pocket to remove the metal flask she was hoping to avoid breaking out. “Stronger than champagne,” she offered up as she held it out to Logan. Remy seemed to be doing well with his own poison. “Do you believe that?” She asked Remy. “You used to tell me something different.” That was then. The days when Laura crawled out of her own skin and couldn’t find a way past the cemetery that had taken root in her mind. She could learn to be happy. It wasn’t decided for her. “I think you are both downers but it’s warranted. Today, at least. You loved them and now they’re gone.” In Logan’s case Jean wasn’t fully his to lose. Did that make it worse?

REMY: Remy watched Laura’s movements idly and uninvolved. It was hard to be present, when his mind kept reaching back into the moments before Lorna walked into that building. They’d talked about it and it hadn’t been a debate. He’d really had no opinion, just a mild curiosity. How incredibly ineffective he felt as someone Lorna was supposed to be able to depend on. “I’ve lost her twice.” Laura was not the shoulder Remy had even chosen to lean on. Usually, it was the other way around, him being the voice of reason, the one who always reminded Laura there was more to life than what had happened to her. Now, he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. “Even with t’e promise of resurrection, I didn’t want to chance it. Too much uncertainty, no matter how many times t’ey brought people back. An’ now look. I’m having a hard time seein’ the positives here.”

CABLE: One shoulder lifted in a shrug. "Every family has their problems." She had a point. Things were a mess before he arrive. But they had also been a mess after he showed up and they were still a mess right now. The problem was figuring out which mess was the worst. Right now, Nate was sure that the answer was this mess. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I know this stuff isn't easy for you either. I don't.. I dunno, want to drudge anything up for you. One of us being miserable is enough." A single tear managed to escape and roll down his cheek, which he wiped away immediately with a huff of sad laughter. "That's what they call me: Saint Nate. I almost like that better than Cable. Or Bable which just.. no." Hopefully Wade wasn't spreading that nickname around.

EMMA: “Then mourn, Scott. Stop thinking about what we should have done. I love you.” There they were, words rarely spoken aloud and certainly never in public. It was uttered in the heat of the moment when their bodies were stuck together or when they were lying in the dark, shoulder to shoulder with the blackness allowing the words to float above them. Emma had said it in his minds hundreds of time, passing the thought from one to the other. They said it but only when it counted. Emma loving Scott was a private affair but her emotions were bleeding off of her now and she didn’t want to be coy. “I love you, and if you love me you will mourn with me right now. Your son is mourning too. Look at him,”  Emma turned to see Nate and the girl he kept toting around. “I can feel that he’s sad as well. He needs a father right now, not a tactician. And I need you. Can we smear the line in the sand for right now, darling? I don’t ask you for much.” Demanded maybe but never really asked.

LOGAN: Eyes moved to the flask being offered to him, lingered there, and then he took it from her. Laura had planned better than he had, it looked like. A secret stash of alcohol wasn't something he should be proud of her for though-- even if it was something he wish he would have thought of. "Stop trying then." Yup. The perfect solution: just stop. "There are no positives here. It'll be better for you in the long run if you just stop trying to look for that silver lining or whatever other crap you hope is there."

SCOTT: Scott lowered his head and rubbed his eyes from behind his glasses, a feeling he kept refusing to process rushing through him in a wave. He didn’t want to mourn. He didn’t want to sit here and cry and be sad like the rest of them. He wanted to figure out his next move and analyze his last ones. He wanted to know where he went wrong so this wouldn’t happen again. But then Emma kept speaking and Scott couldn’t help but look up and over at Nathan and then at her. He tried to focus on her. “We’ll figure it out, won’t we.” he tried to let the tension out of his shoulders. “You know I do, Emma. Love you. You just know it isn’t easy for me to just...feel all of this.”

LANA: Lana resisted the urge to snort. “You really don’t need to tell me that.” Not that what she and Lori had could even be considered family at this point. The last time they had seen each other the elder Bombshell had been attempting to abduct her daughter and force her into a life of crime once more. Lana had refrained from attending her sentencing or visiting her in prison. But this wasn’t about her, was it? “Am I doing that badly? I’m really afraid of @#$@# this up or saying the wrong thing. I want to make your life better, not worse.” Lana glanced down. “It’s not. Don’t worry. I’m not easily triggered. I accepted all the @#$@# with my mom a long time ago.”  It wasn’t totally a lie either. Even though he wiped the tear away Lana still reached up to brush his cheek. “Does it make you feel better to know that you look good while crying? I don’t, so I think hearing that would make me feel .0005% better.” Her nose scrunched. “Who the @#$@# calls you Bable?”

TEDDY: “Thanks.” Teddy said, it was about as genuine as Julian’s condolences. He offered a thankful smile to Kate and gently tapped her glass with his. He was more than grateful for her right now.

KATE: Glass connecting with Teddy’s, Kate flashed Julian a thankful smile. “Should we all have a toast? In honor of those we lost.” She felt shitty standing there with her boyfriend when Teddy’s had literally just died, but Kate needed Julian in that moment. “Thank you,” she mouthed to him.

ALEX: Alex’s inner frat boy cringed as the alcohol spilled out onto the grass, but he just as quickly acknowledged Henry’s apology, despite the self-deprecating goblin inside his brain furiously attempting to keep him from doing so. “Thanks- man. ‘preciate that.”

LAURA: “I’m disappointed.” Laura really did not want to be giving that kind of talk to her father and the man who was like family, but they were spiraling down fast. “Jean has died before, and you didn’t think you would get her back then but did. And you lost Lorna. In what world would they want you to decide that there was nothing to do but quit? After everything you have both told me about finding a reason to live and being better than the things that hurt us.” Laura shook her head, mouth a pursed thin line. “You are both better.”

RAHNE: An amused exhale was all she could muster as a reply. Illyana seemed lost in thought for a moment, which Rahne was never too quick to question, before her attention turned elsewhere and the red-headed mutant took the hint, following her as they approached Jimmy. Not wanting to pile too much onto the other she simply waved gently upon arrival.

JIMMY: "Lover boy?" Jimmy scoffed looking up at Illyana as his fingers traced through the grass before looking back at the crowd, notably to Jean then to his father and sister. "Who wouldn't be happy to be at a funeral?" He replied, voice laced with sarcasm.

HANK: "I know it sounds so selfish, but why did this have to happen now? Right as things were starting to show potential for she and I. Then all of this happens. Stars and garters I sound like a terrible person right now..."

JULIAN: He placed a soft kiss to the top of her head and then settled back, his drink still half full and he didn’t really plan on finishing it. Something about it felt weird at a funeral. “Why not.” he shuffled a bit on his feet. “Something you wanna say?” the question was directed at Teddy.

ALEX: Alex folded his arms across his chest, remaining a comfortable distance away from Henry, eyeing the older man with concern and an unsure sadness, “No, no- I understand,” Alex answered, genuine sympathy in his tone, “— and don’t worry, I won’t ask. But I’m so sorry, Henry.”

HANK: "Thank you, Alexander. No matter what everyone else says, you're decent." He said in his drunken wisdom trying to sound endearing.

REMY: Remy just looked at her for a long moment, and then the corners of his lips lifted into a smile. Albeit a sad one. “So we have taught you somethin’ then, non? Here I thought it was all in one ear out the other.” He took a breath, inhaling deep. “I don’ think the dead care what we do at this point, Laura.”

ILLYANA: “I couldn’t remember your name,” Illyana glanced down at him before closing one eye in thought. “Jimmy.” She noticed the way his gaze moved and made a note of it all. Ex-girlfriend, father and sister but still he sat alone. Three of Illyana’s closest friends had died and her brother was either drunk or painting on a beach somewhere. A recent mission behind the Russian portal had scarred him in a way she had yet to figure out. Then again, she’d also been busy. Maybe Illyana hadn’t been the best sister as of late but they had both become wrapped up in their roles. “A sadist, maybe. I never cared about funerals but this one is different. They have not caught Mesmero, have they?”

ALEX: Alex blinked, caught off guard, “Oh uh- thanks? I think?” Did people seriously not like him that much? Although it didn’t come as much of a surprise, the revelation still stung. “I think you better sit down,” he continued, changing the subject as he attempted to usher the large blue man to a nearby chair.

TEDDY: Admittedly there was a pang of envy at their display of affection—it made him ache for things he’d lost but he wouldn’t wish this on anyone. He was glad Kate had Julian right now, even if he was an ass. Teddy sighed some, and slightly raised his glass. He knew Billy wouldn’t want him to be sad, even if that wasn’t possible right now. He wasn’t really in the state of mind to give a grand speech, but he could muster something. “To those we lost and ...to those we still have. May we cherish them a little more for it.”

JIMMY: "Yeah that makes more sense." He said as he brought his attention back up to Illyana. "Yup." He replied with a small nod as she got his name right. He was pretty sure they had never actually spoken in this world or his. As far as he knew in his world Piotr didn't have any family other than his boyfriend. "Right. Sorry 'bout that." He said somewhat awkwardly giving her a sympathetic nod. She lost a lot more than he had. "Nah." He responded rather gruffly as he unintentionally ripped some grass from the sod. "Lost his scent too. I'll find him though..."

EMMA: Even before he spoke Emma knew Scott’s answer. She just wanted to see his lips moving and hear his voice when he agreed with her. Emma couldn’t wallow for long. It had never been something that she was good at. This seemed to warrant it though. On this day she was willing to let up on being the White Queen and just be a person who tilted her head upwards to blink back tears even though people could see. It was now that she took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before kissing his cheek. “You and I, Scott? We always figure it out. We just need a moment right now.” Her body remained close to his, his warmth heating the icy numbness that she had been wrapped up in. “I’m made of diamond. Rock hard and able to block out emotions.” Emma raised her hand, letting the stone coat the skin. Diamond was easy. She was stronger even if her telepathy was blocked out. When it returned to normal Emma patted Scott’s cheek twice before reclaiming another flute. “God, I hate everything about this no matter how tasteful the decorations are. Have you spoken with Nathan?”

RAHNE: Illyana appeared to have struck up a conversation with Jimmy, and Rahne didn’t feel she had much to contribute, so the redhead nodded politely to the duo before vaguely gesturing that she was going to leave; a solo training session as a feeble attempt to relieve some pent up emotion seemed much more appealing than additional aimless mingling anyway.

KATE: As he finished his speech Kate reached out to squeeze Teddy’s arm with her free hand. “May we never forget them and love them always.” Taking another sip from the champagne, the bubbles fizzed on her tongue before she swallowed the sparkling drink. “I honestly still can’t believe it. The fact that Wanda and Billy were there too? I wish I could shoot something.”

PIETRO: Pietro moved to sit beside her. He leaned back on the bench and fell quiet for a long stretch— or what felt like it anyhow. There were a million things running through his mind—he hadn’t the faintest clue on how to be a father or that he’d even be a decent one at that. He’d spent the entirety of his life looking after Wanda, yet Wanda was also a fully developed person that didn’t need him and had proved that on more than one occasion. This was entirely different. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or something else, but some how he wasn’t entirely terrified. “Well, I do have super speed...” he mused more to himself. “As you said I’m mutant and you’re inhuman, I cant entirely say I’m surprised.” a beat. “What do you want to do?” he asked.

ILLYANA: Deciding against sitting in the grass, Illyana just crossed her arms over her chest as she regarded him in half interest. The moment she had heard what had happened Illyana had sat still and stared. For an hour she sat there and tried to control the demon in her to resist the urge to bitchslap Osborn to hell. After Emma’s work it would have been far less satisfactory but it was still tempting. “I don’t want your apologies.” Everyone was sorry. There was no reason to keep saying it. “Looks like you need help. Emma was after him too but she’s preoccupied now.  They killed three of her clone spawn.”

LAURA: “I was angry, not stupid.” Laura arched a brow. She still was, it was just more manageable now. “People say that to feel better when people die. It keeps them going. Did it not help?”

SCOTT: A moment right now. It was the standing idly by that just wasn’t cutting for him. And Scott didn’t want to take anymore moments. Still, he stayed where he was, both physically and metaphorically, and tried to ease in the comfort Emma was offering. Looking over at Nathan again at her question, Scott shook his head. “Haven’t had the chance. It all happened so suddenly and we didn’t find out about Eve and Hope until recently.”

HANK: "No need to thank me, it's the least I can do." He said with a nod as Alex tried guiding him to a seat he followed but protested. "My balance is still likely superior to the vast majority of people on the planet even while I'm inebriated.

CRYSTALIA: “And super speed equates to super fast sperm?” Crystal couldn’t hide the disbelief in her voice. No matter how skeptical she wanted to be that fast sperm had somehow impregnated her and now they had some strange child rapidly growing inside of her. “A mutant/Inhuman hybrid. That doesn’t even exist.” Crystal’s gaze was aimed at her lap where she fiddled with her fingers. It was easier to look there than her now baby daddy. “I’m keeping it.” It was the first time she had admitted it out loud. Crystalia had brushed her doctors off and promised more information. It was assumed she’d keep it by the Inhumans but the mother to be had yet to actually confirm it. “I want it. And, if you want, you can be in its life too.”

JIMMY:  "Fair 'nuff. No more apologies." He said with a nod. He got it. He had gotten sick of people apologizing and wanting to coddle him soon after he got back here. "Yeah..." He said trailing off as she brought up Emma. "Can't even ask her to help after all of that..." He said before processing what she meant and raising an eyebrow at her. "You interested?"

EMMA: “There’s time. But Scott,” Emma paused. “He needs his father. Now more than ever.” She had seen what kind of father he could be. It was a far cry from the man who wore yellow gloves over his suit to cook. The man who had family dinners with an adoring ( and now dead ) wife. Emma was the fantasy, the other women. She loved teaching but loathed children at most ages. At one point she had debated telepathically making a surgeon give her a hysterectomy without medical cause, but in the end had decided against it. She loved her daughters and she loved the fact that she didn’t have to give birth even more. Setting down her most recent glass, Emma took a half step before pausing and steadying herself on her heels. “I’m intoxicated,” she stated. “And I’m exhausted. I think I would like to continue my mourning from my couch with my own bourbon.”

ALEX: Alex shook his head, but pulled out a seat for the other anyway, before taking a seat at the empty table himself. “Just— humor me, dude,” at least here he still had a good vantage point of the group.

ILLYANA: Lip quirking to the side, Illyana shrugged. “They’re already overplayed.” Nothing anyone said would make Illyana miss her friends any less. They said sorry and then she was just sad and angry. She hadn’t really been offering but she also wasn’t opposed. “I have something I need to do first. I agreed to check Krakoan gates, but you could always start there. I’m a good person to get around with.”

JIMMY: "Getting around with you doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world." He said rising to his feet this time, not noticing the potential innuendo in his phrasing. "Fine. I need to be busy, I need to hurt someone. I need to hurt him. Let me know when and where."

SCOTT: “I know.” It was automatic, but he also understood. Now, more than ever, he needed to be there for his family, he just didn’t know how to be a father without Jean there to be a mother. At her declaration, Scott nodded. “Yeah. I think it’s time to get out of here.” Scott out his hand for her, expecting most, if not all of her weight to fall against him and he would welcome it. Despite Emma’s icy demeanor, he always found a warmth in her presence.

ILLYANA: At his words Illyana’s eyes rolled, vaguely amused by the verbal misstep. “Rahnne wants to come with me but I doubt she’ll last long. We have gates all over the world and monitoring them is more difficult than before. You can come with me as long as you aren’t a distraction or slow me down. And when the time comes,” Incisors peeked out of her smile. “I’m going to hurt him too.”

JIMMY: "So long as she won't cause a distraction, I've got no problems." He let out a small laugh at her last comment. "Can't complain to that." He said with a smirk. "Promise won't slow you down. If he's within a couple miles I'll know."

PIETRO: Something between and snort and a choke escaped him—he cracked half a smile for the first time in days and draped an arm around her. “Sure, something like that.” he hadn’t been suggesting she get rid of the child but he wanted whatever decision she made to be hers. “I’ll be here if you’d like me to be.” he found himself saying, then his gaze drifted to her abdomen—strange to think life was growing in there. “Do you need anything?” he asked. Was she sick? terrified? upset? Insane to think they barely knew each other, had sex one time, which he was now discovering her only time, and now a baby was involved.

ILLYANA: “She’s small and occasionally furry. Cute.” Also a bit emotional but that was neither here nor there. “I leave tomorrow. Get your knapsack or whatever you carry.” Illyana took a few steps back, gold beginning to glow around her feet. “I *will* leave without you.” And just like that, she was gone.

CRYSTALIA: When his arm made its way around her shoulder Crystal sagged against him gratefully. She was tired. Her body hurt and the nausea sucked. She remembered when Medusa had been pregnant with Ahura and her mood swings. Crystal had always been more hot and cold than her level headed sister. That in itself was concerning. “You’re its father.” Her head had somehow moved to rest on his shoulder. “I lost my father. My mother too. I want this baby to have every chance.” Feeling his gaze, Crystalia moved her hand to let it rest over where the baby was nestled inside of her. “At this moment? No. I’ve already taken too much of your time. But I will later. I’d like to meet again soon. Maybe you shouldn’t come to New Attilan yet, but I wanted a second opinion. I could meet with an Avengers doctor and you could come.” If the freak baby continued to grow they could most likely get an ultrasound to see it. “Thank you,” she sighed. “I’m terrified, but this helped.” With that she stood, kissing him on his cheek before whistling slightly. A second later Lockjaw materialized, the giant dog panting as she quickly pet his face. “Try and drink water. It’ll help with your hangover.”  With one last smile Lockjaw and the Inhuman vanished.

EMMA: There was a strange sense of relief at Scott’s words. Emma took his hand and allowed herself to lean against him. She could easily hold her weight even if she was a little unsteady but his broad form felt solid against her arm. In that moment, it was more needed than Emma wanted to admit. They would strategize soon. Scott accommodated her form of grief so she would work with him through his. Eager to get home so that she could cry without the sharp burn of overpriced mascara, the blonde cast one last look around the funeral before teetering with Scott to the waiting Krakoan gate. There were no cemeteries on Krakoa. They left the funeral but they carried their dead with them. Dead, gone and not coming back. What a dreadful thought to end a dreadful night.

[rp-meme-central]

Gravity Falls sentence starters - Part 19

1. “Whoa! Our/my/your birthday’s coming up already?”

2. “It’s just one more year until high school. High school, _____! Where girls/boys become wo/men, and they teach us about... you know what.” 

3. “After that zombie incident, no one’s throwing another party at my house. I keep finding little bits of the undead in the couch cushions.” 

4. “You could rent out the ____ High School gym and have your party there. That place is empty all summer long.” 

5. “_____! My face is on fire!” 

6. “_____ is out there, and s/he would anything from deception to outright possession to make it happen. But for the sake of humanity, we mustn’t let it.” 

7. “It’s okay, _____. You should totally go with _____ to save the world or whatever.” 

8. “I did mention that the fate of the universe is at stake, didn’t I? Hurry! We haven’t much time!” 

9. “Whoa. _____, I thought you said this place was empty.” 

10. “You know, I’m only a year away from high school myself. Would you say that your experiences were more rom-com or wacky romp?” 

11. High school is the worst. Classes get super hard, your body just flat out turns against you, and worst of all, everybody hates you!” 

12. “Why aren’t they singing about following their dreams? TV taught me that high school is like some kind of musical.” 

13. “We can have the party at the gym, but we gotta talk about high school. I’m starting to think it’s not the awesome future we were expecting.” 

14. “Sometimes the strangest things in the world are right under our noses. And our feet, in this particular instance.” 

15. “Now, you might want to stand back. This magnet gun could rip the fillings out of a man’s mouth at a hundred feet.” 

16. “Don’t worry, I’ve been down here countless times. All the aliens have been dead for millions of years. Probably.” 

17. “I can’t believe there’s been a giant UFO under this town the whole time.” 

18. “I wish my mind could be where yours is right now, _____. When confirmation of extra-terrestrials still had that punch. Now it’s just sort of ‘eh’.” 

19. “Just one dollop of this adhesive should be enough to seal a crack in space-time. Also, if it touches you, it will seal up all the orifices in your face, so... try and avoid that.”

20. “Your turn! Say ‘hop’, it helps!”  

21. “Go ahead, flip any switch. They’ve all been busted for millions of years.” 

22. “_____, let me ask you something. Have you thought much about your future?” 

23. “What would you say to staying in _____ after the summer ends, and becoming my apprentice?” 

24. “____ will be fine on her/his own. S/he has a magnetic personality. I watched her/him become pen pals with the pizza delivery man in the 60 seconds he was at the door.” 

25. “You really did it, _____. Huddle in, let’s get a picture of this.” 

26. “You said everything down here is dead, right?” 

27. “They’re security droids, and they detect adrenaline. You simply have to not feel any fear, and they won’t see you.” 

28. “It’s an automated prison droid! And wherever it’s going, I’m not coming back!” 

29. “You think you can scare me? Do your worst! Nothing in this universe is going to take away my _____!” 

30. “I just can’t believe summer’s almost over. And now that I know how awful high school’s going to be, I’m in no hurry to start that train wreck.” 

31. “No one likes getting older, but just because you’re getting growing up doesn’t mean you have to grow up, you know? I mean, look at me, I’m pushing ____ and I still eat ice cream for dinner.”

32. “Hey, at least whatever happens after this summer, you’ll still have your _____ along with you through thick and thin. Not everyone can say that, you know.” 

33. “This town is a magnet for things that are special, and that includes you and me. It brought both of us here for a purpose.”

34. “Tell me it’s not true, _____. Tell me you were joking.” 

35. “Look, things aren’t going to stay frozen this way. It’s part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.” 

36. “Look, it might be against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out.” 

37. “We’re too late. It’s the end of the world.” 

38. “The name’s _____, but you can call me your new lord and master for all eternity.”

39. “It’s time we did a little redecorating. I could really use a castle of some kind.”

40. “This party never stops. Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Existence is upside down and I reign supreme!” 

41. “So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a boo-boop.” 

42. “Listen to me. We can find your _____ soon, but first we have to stop _____.” 

43. “Are you sure defeating _____ is even possible?” 

44. “On second thought, I’m gonna run like a coward now.” 

45. “We’re only going to have one chance to take this shot.” 

46. “I’ll die before I join you! I know your weakness, _____!” 

47. “That’s right. Don’t be a hero, kid. This is what happens to heroes in my world.” 

48. “Not much of a threat now, are you?” 

49. “The mall! Maybe they’re hiding in there.” 

50. “The last nachos on Earth...” 

51. “My _____ made me and my ____ do apocalypse training every year instead of Christmas. Guess it’s kind of cool that all the paranoia paid off.” 

52. “I’m so glad to find you! I thought everyone I knew was gone.” 

53. “We shouldn’t stay out in the open for too long. Let me show you my hideout.” 

54. “The end of the world. Man, those death metal album covers got it shockingly right.” 

55. “_____ said it him/herself, there’s no room for heroes out here. We lost.” 

56. “This summer, I’ve seen some amazing things, but nothing as amazing as you and your _____.” 

57. “How are we going to get out there without getting caught?” 

58. “Surrender now or face my tantrum.” 

59. “The abandoned auto-mart. Free cars, ripe for the hot-wiring.” 

60. “I wonder if they have a tank. I’ve always wanted to drive a tank.” 

61. “Under the authority of ____, I place you ____ under arrest!” 

62. “You have no right to keep her/him in there!” 

63. “You’re the coolest person I know.” 

64. “Quick question: did you ever get your driver’s license?” 

65.��“No way around. Hold on, we’re going through!” 

66. “For some reason, I really want worms right now.” 

67. “Total lack of driver’s training, don’t fail me now.” 

68. “I’ve been wandering the plains like a desperado, helping strangers. I guess there’s some folk songs about me now.” 

69. “If I’ve learned anything this summer, it’s that you can’t force someone to love you. The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving.” 

70. “____ thinks there’s no heroes in this world, but if we work together and fight back, we can defeat him/her.”   

71. “Look inside, ____. If all this is for ______, then ask yourself what _____ would want you to do.” 

72. “Okay, remember _____, this is a prison bubble designed by _____. We’ve got to prepare ourselves for what we find in here.”  

[fantasticworldoffanfics]

DEREK/STILES

Fandom: TeenWolf

Just an extended must read list of awesome fanfics that is in no particular order :) ...

top favourites, more top favourites

In The Woods Somewhere

Author: WithMyTeeth (Ylith)

Summary: Peter travels with various carnivals, showcasing a massive black wolf he parades as a man-eating beast. In his caravan he keeps Stiles, his most precious possession who is much more special than he may outwardly appear. Stiles feels a kinship with the creature through their mutual captivity, so when he makes his escape he frees the wolf as well. Like Stiles though, the wolf is also more than he appears

Five Days of Dickings

Author: drunktuesdays, mklutz, the_ragnarok

Summary: Five Dickings in Five Days was the (hopefully interim) title he’d seen on the contract. More like five days of dickings. Whatever, Stiles was into it. The money is great; the fucking is also great. It’s a win-win way to pay for college.

Wolf Pack: Beacon Original

Author: Beerwolves, fearfrost1211

Summary: When his father landed the Deputy Chief of police position in Beacon Hills, Stiles moved to his new town gladly, embracing the chance of a fresh start. What he didn’t expect was to find himself hopelessly drawn to the gruff Vice President of the local motorcycle gang, the Wolf Pack. Derek Hale, resident bad boy of Beacon Hills, spent his time helping his sister lead the Wolf Pack and working on motorcycles at his family’s automotive garage. Then, one hot summer afternoon a bright-eyed boy walked into his life and turned his world upside down.

And That's a Wrap

Author: the_problem_with_stardust

Summary: An insanely attractive guy and his terrifying dog move into the Preserve. Too bad Stiles is a magnet for embarrassing situations.

Comprehensive Study in Getting a Boyfriend via Persuasive Essay-Writing

Author: Luddleston

Summary: Stiles is a junior Journalism major who takes Rhetorical Strategies because it covers his English requirement. He's also trying to be subtle about the way he keeps checking out his professor. Derek is a grad student teaching his first class ever. He also has the most annoying student on the face of the planet, and is donereading essays about the history of male circumcision. Flirty e-mails are exchanged, Stiles spends way too much time in Derek's office, and they fall in love over a mutual hatred for APA formatting.

The Rose and the Wolf

Author: xxjinchuurikixx

Summary: For who could ever learn to love a Beast?  Stiles takes his father's place as a Beast's prisoner in an enchanted castle.

Home

Author: coffeeinallcaps

Summary: Derek has bought a beautiful house. Stiles can't stay away. (In which everyone hangs out at Derek's place all the time and Stiles tries but fails not to fall for a certain socially inept alpha.)

(Not So) Pure Imagination

Author: theroguesgambit

Summary: "There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you."Stiles knows it's wrong, but he's been Fantasizing about Derek and he can't bring himself to stop. Derek doesn't know who's taken an interest in him, but he's enjoying it way more than he probably should.

Forbidden Forest (eat you up)

Author: kishmet

Summary: Okay, so technically werebunny Stiles isn't supposed to wander around in the woods at night. But creative interpretation happens to be one of Stiles' special talents.

Happiness is Not a Horse, You Cannot Harness it

Author: otter

Summary: Derek's expecting the new guy. He's expecting another mostly-useless college kid who doesn't know one end of a horse from the other, and Derek doesn't have the time to babysit. What he's not expecting is Stiles Stilinski, who carries on conversations with the livestock and gets maybe a little too chummy with Isaac and is really kind of stupidly perfect in every way. And it's just distracting, that's all.

On Job Training

Author: suzvoy

Summary: Stiles finally gets the practical experience he's been looking for. It's safe to say it doesn't happen even remotely the way he was expecting. AKA, pretend boyfriends! With a twist!

The Searching Ceremonies Series

Author: KouriArashi

Part 1: Divided We Stand

Summary: Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn't expect and aren't sure they approve of....

Part 2: United We Mend

Summary: Sequel to Divided We Stand. Six months have gone by, Stiles is slowly recovering from his injuries, and the Searching Ceremony is about to happen. This time it's Cora who brings someone home, but he might not be what he seems...

Part 3: Together We Build

Summary: Everything has settled down after the last Searching Ceremony. Stiles decides to tackle a cold case that his father gives him - a 10 year old murder caused by a rejected werewolf bite. Meanwhile, Derek is trying to solve an even bigger mystery - what's going on between Uncle Peter and Sheriff Stilinski, and how much does he have to worry about it?

Part 4: Forever We Strive

Summary: When Peter and Sheriff Stilinski decide to adopt a child, they meet a little girl named Malia, whose parents were murdered. But when Stiles starts looking into who killed them, he finds a lot of unanswered questions.

Ever After

Author: Sybilina

Summary: Four years ago, Stiles left Beacon Hills, to go to college, to get away from the pack, to try to mend a broken heart. He thought he'd succeeded but right when graduation came around, his whole world fell apart. Again. There's only so many times Stiles can deal with his world falling down around him. This was one time too many.It isn't about getting the girl, or the guy, because romance and lovey feelings aren't a cure for depression.

Play It Again Series

Author: metisket

Part 1: Play It Again

Summary: In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.“Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)”

Part 2: This Doesn’t Hurt

Summary: Melissa isn’t sure how she accidentally adopted a teenager, but she’s confident that somehow, it’s all Stiles Stilinski’s fault.

Derek Hale: Werewolf Cop Series

Author: the_deep_magic

Part 1: CherryBomb

Summary: Stiles is yanked up to his feet so fast that his world spins and his shoulder aches and he’s a second from screaming police brutality! when he gets a good look at the cop’s face.Holy shit. Stiles was just tackled to the ground by a fucking underwear model with a badge.

Part 2: Service Weapon

Summary: It is 100% against Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Office policy to allow two officers engaged in a romantic relationship to be partners. It is also 100% accurate that no one else on the force can last more than three days in a car with Stiles without begging for either a ball gag or the sweet release of death.

Scent Marking For Dummies

Author: Hatteress (goddammitstacey)

Summary: Stiles is almost used to being chased around the school by werewolves at this point. Having to share a bed with Derek freaking Hale, on the other hand, is just needlessly complicating his life.

The Right Number

Author: kyaticlikestea

Summary: When Stiles Stilinski's phone gets switched at the gym, he really just wants it back. The last thing he's expecting is to fall hopelessly in lust with the guy who's got his phone.So, of course, that's exactly what happens.

All You Ever Needed To Know About Knotting

Author: KuriKuri

Summary: Derek had started reading the column by accident. Really, reading strangers’ questions about knotting and heat had never really appealed to him. However, at that point in time, he was a little desperate.And he was right: most of the questions submitted by anonymous readers didn’t appeal to him. The answers, though, did.(Or: In which Stiles writes an advice column about knotting and Derek is smitten. Also they're neighbors.)

Show Me The Way Back Home Baby

Author: stilinskisparkles

Summary: In which Lydia and Jackson produce the world's cutest baby, and the pack goes crazy-- the good kind of crazy. Except for Derek, who is afraid of tiny cute babies and Stiles who plans to be the best Uncle ever. Even if Danny called dibs on Godfather.

Dating Backwards

Author: RemainNameless

Summary: Pornstars Derek and Stiles work for the same company. Derek only shoots with werewolves and Stiles only shoots with humans. That's not going to change after they meet. It's really not. (It might.)

Dirty Paws and Furry Coats

Author: queerly_it_is

Summary: Stiles is eight years old when his dad brings Derek home.[AU based on Disney's The Fox and the Hound]

This Is Home

Author: raisesomehale

Summary: Other than being a werefox with a werekit for a son, Stiles' life is relatively normal. He's a single parent, owns a modest sized home, and has a variety of kid-friendly meal recipes tucked neatly under his belt. It might be just him and Nate, but they have it in the bag. Nothing is missing from their lives.That is, until Nate befriends a girl named Sadie Hale on his first day of kindergarten. Then everything changes.

Adventures and Explorations Series

Author: Survivah

Part 1: A Simple Life

Summary: Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton's magic powder, and his plans change.

Part 2: Finding Miracles

Summary: Stiles was planning on just being a fox for his entire life. Then, well, magic, true love, blah blah blah, things got complicated. But as it turns out, he still has a lot to learn about this new world he's living in. Humanity, man. It's weird.

Knot if You Don't Knock

Author: jsea, marguerite_26

Summary: Stiles never expects to present as an omega -- that's something that happens to people like Greenberg, not him. He is so wrong. His life only gets stranger when Derek Hale mistakenly bursts through the door of his exam room during a doctor’s appointment. What happens next is a complicated series of events, including freshly baked cookies, book-carrying and surprise heats.

Sweet Tooth

Author: Spikedluv

Summary: Derek Hale had returned to Beacon Hills and the ice cream place was reopening. “Best. Day. Ever,” Stiles told Scott.

Oh God, He's Hot

Author: lupus

Summary: When Stiles came home a couple of days before junior year started from a summer away, he was a little more than excited to see his best friend Derek, especially now that he’d finally gotten the courage to act upon his long standing crush on the guy. There’s just one problem; somewhere in the span of three months puberty hit Derek like the bus hit Regina George and all of the sudden Derek is hot. And Stiles isn’t the only one who’s noticed.

Worth Series

Author: holdin_out_4a_hero

Part 1: You’re Worth It

Summary: "NO WAY! Her sons coming here?”Danny sighed dreamily. “Yeah, the Stiles Stilinksi. The young model that made it big on accident with his moms camera. The L.A. heartthrob that has actually never dated anyone, and no one knows what he does over summer, and yet he still manages to keep the hearts of young Americans easily.”“So why’s he coming here?” Scott asked, remembering that the entire Stilinski family was loaded with money, given the success of every single one of them, and yet Stiles would be coming to the middle of nowhere, for a random school that offered nothing.“Who knows? His parents are from here, but they’re not coming here with him. I have no idea, but honestly? I’m not complaining.”

Part 2: You’re Worth Everything

Summary: Stiles loves Derek, Derek loves Stiles... if it's meant to be, why does it seem so hard to get it to be?

The Awkward and Sometimes Painful Life of Genim Hale

Author: BlueRunawayMoon

Summary: Stiles is a writer of gay erotica whose work, according to his Editor (one miss Lydia Martin) has gotten dull and boring. Lydia suggest's that Stiles try to LIVE a little, gain some new juicy experiences that he can write about and bring the heat up again. Only problem is Stiles is a bit on the dorky side and not good with 'living a little'. After a whole slew of embarrassing situations brought on by his best(sometimes!) friend Scott, he's given some wise advice and decides to take a tropical paradise vacation. All's going good and well, and he's got a major crush on his super hot tour guide Danny. Yet it seem's like he can't stop bumping into Derek, who, as annoying and brooding as he seem's, also makes it quite clear he WANTS Stiles. As in...wants wants. With the two being brought together almost by fate, Stiles discover's that Derek is more than he seems....WAY more.

The Christmas Raffle

Author: mikkimouse

Summary: Every year, the royal Hale family raffles off a Christmas dinner with Prince Derek to raise money for charity. But this year, the winner is the second chance Derek didn't know he was looking for.

Kings Of The Moonlight

Author: thelogicoftaste

Summary: Derek is the newly single father to his only son, Isaac Argent Hale, and he finds himself having to move back to his home town of Beacon Hills to escape the insanity of his ex. It's in the middle of all this upheaval, the crazy mess that his life has become that he meets Stiles. Crazy, beautiful Stiles.

more fics: part 2

[comebeforegod]

Interpretations of Verses About the Desolation of the Church

By Zhengdao, Germany

One morning, when I sat reading the Bible at the window, I saw these verses: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). 

These verses which describe the scenes of the last days aroused my reflections. When pondering these verses carefully, I thought of the present situation of the religious world. Our Christians’ faith and love have become cold. Many of us follow Satan’s evil trends like worldly people, pursuing wealth, rank, and material things. We are wrapped up with the secular world when striving for houses, cars and careers, so that we are unable to extricate ourselves from all the pains of life. And even many religious leaders, pastors and elders also pursue the world. Some of them take advantage of churches to open up factories; some of them scramble for the lectern, raise envy and strife, and form factions; some of them steal God’s sacrifices, embezzle and forcibly occupy believers’ offerings, etc. Now most of believers have only a godly appearance but not a godly essence. We are only Christians in name, but in reality, we are not following the way of the Lord, so when we do something against God, we don’t feel guilty. Even when we pray to the Lord Jesus, we cannot obtain peace and joy. As a result, we become dark and depressed in the spirit, and cannot feel God.

I stood up to look out upon the scene, and saw a withered winter jasmine. I couldn’t refrain from feeling somewhat misty-eyed.

Now brothers and sisters are trapped in sin and have no path to practice; we are thirsty in the spirit, but our churches have no good shepherds who can water and supply us. While the preachers also have no light and no enlightenment, so they can only preach some clichéd doctrines and theories, such as loving our neighbor, loving our family, maintaining original faith and not leaving God, and so on. We receive no edification of life from them, so that our spiritual conditions become worse and worse. As a result, some believers treat gatherings as a procedure or even do not come to meetings anymore; some churches have to close down, for the meeting attendance numbers are way down.

These phenomena of today’s churches reminded me of the end of the Age of Law. At that time, the temple was in chaos, and turned into a den of thieves where cattle and sheep were sold and money was exchanged. Priests committed sins but heavenly fire no longer fell down to burn them; although believers violated commandments and laws, they were not punished. This was because the Holy Spirit had done a new work in other places: The Lord Jesus was spreading the gospel of the kingdom of heaven and preaching the way of repentance everywhere. So, at that time, the people were bereft of God’s guidance who stubbornly stuck to the laws of the Old Testament in the temple and did not accept the work of the Lord Jesus. Is there any difference between the situation of the religious world at present and that at the end of the Age of Law?

The next day, I sent my knowledge of the desolation of the church to my Facebook friend Jack, who is also a Christian. Later, Jack responded to my message:

“After reading your message, I thought of some scriptures: ‘And also I have withheld the rain from you, when there were yet three months to the harvest: and I caused it to rain on one city, and caused it not to rain on another city: one piece was rained on, and the piece whereupon it rained not withered. So two or three cities wandered to one city, to drink water; but they were not satisfied: yet have you not returned to me’ (Amos 4:7-8).Said the Lord Jehovah, ‘Behold, the days come,  that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of Jehovah’ (Amos 8:11). Now believers are becoming indifferent in their faith, and preachers have nothing to preach about. In fact, within this lies God’s will. When God causes famine to befall the religious world, those who sincerely believe in Him and love the truth are forced to look for a church with the work of the Holy Spirit.”

Afterward, he sent me another message:

“God’s words say: ‘God will accomplish this fact: He will make all people throughout the universe come before Him, and worship the God on earth, and His work in other places will cease, and people will be forced to seek the true way. It will be like Joseph: Everyone came to him for food, and bowed down to him, for he had things to eat. In order to avoid famine people will be forced to seek the true way. The entire religious community is suffering severe famine, and only the God of today is the wellspring of living water, possessed of the ever-flowing wellspring provided for the enjoyment of man, and people will come and depend on Him.’ ‘As such, since we are searching for the footprints of God, we must search for God’s will, for the words of God, for the utterances of God—for where there are the new words of God, there is the voice of God, and where there are the footsteps of God, there are the deeds of God. Where there is the expression of God, there is the appearance of God, and where there is the appearance of God, there exists the truth, the way, and the life.’”

“I think of Canaan’s famine. At that time, only by walking out of the area of famine and coming to Joseph for food could people survive the disaster. Another example: When the Lord Jesus came to do His work, the temple had become desolate. Only through leaving the temple and accepting the gospel of the Lord Jesus could people gain God’s salvation. Just as Peter, John and others, they accepted the watering and nourishing of the Lord, and thus had new light and the path of practice. As a result, they not only had gained the work of the Holy Spirit, but had obtained the Lord’s redemption. Likewise, now the whole religious world becomes seriously desolate, and God wishes that we can take the initiative to look for His footprints. The Lord Jesus said, ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Matthew 7:7). It is also prophesied many times in Revelation, ‘He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches’ (See Revelation 2-3). The Lord’s words make it very clear that when He returns in the last days, He will still speak words, and that He has reminded us to actively search and pay attention to listening to what the Holy Spirit says to the churches. Therefore, what we should do is not only pray to the Lord, but be a wise virgin to open the door to welcome Him. We should find a church where there are expressions of the truth, and where the Holy Spirit is at work; when listening to the way they preach, we should consider whether it can supply our spirits, whether it can resolve the problem of our sins, and so on. The Lord once said: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me’ (John 14:6). Therefore, only when we find the words and utterances of God can we receive the watering of the living water and the provision of life, and solve the desolation of our church. Only in this way can we be brought into the kingdom of heaven by God and obtain the eternal life in the end.”

After I read Jack’s messages, my heart could not calm down for a long time. I thought: “That’s right! The Lord said it so clearly in His words. ‘Seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Matthew 7:7). ‘He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches’ (See Revelation 2-3). Why did I not think of this? It seems that if I want to get out of this trouble, I need to actively seek and investigate the church with the Holy Spirit. Only then can I regain God’s supply and guidance, and thoroughly free myself from the desolate condition of the church.”

At that time, with a released smile, I began to type to reply him …

[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

Interpretations of Verses About the Desolation of the Church

By Zhengdao, Germany

One morning, when I sat reading the Bible at the window, I saw these verses: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). These verses which describe the scenes of the last days aroused my reflections. When pondering these verses carefully, I thought of the present situation of the religious world. Our Christians’ faith and love have become cold. Many of us follow Satan’s evil trends like worldly people, pursuing wealth, rank, and material things. We are wrapped up with the secular world when striving for houses, cars and careers, so that we are unable to extricate ourselves from all the pains of life. And even many religious leaders, pastors and elders also pursue the world. Some of them take advantage of churches to open up factories; some of them scramble for the lectern, raise envy and strife, and form factions; some of them steal God’s sacrifices, embezzle and forcibly occupy believers’ offerings, etc. Now most of believers have only a godly appearance but not a godly essence. We are only Christians in name, but in reality, we are not following the way of the Lord, so when we do something against God, we don’t feel guilty. Even when we pray to the Lord Jesus, we cannot obtain peace and joy. As a result, we become dark and depressed in the spirit, and cannot feel God.

I stood up to look out upon the scene, and saw a withered winter jasmine. I couldn’t refrain from feeling somewhat misty-eyed.

Now brothers and sisters are trapped in sin and have no path to practice; we are thirsty in the spirit, but our churches have no good shepherds who can water and supply us. While the preachers also have no light and no enlightenment, so they can only preach some clichéd doctrines and theories, such as loving our neighbor, loving our family, maintaining original faith and not leaving God, and so on. We receive no edification of life from them, so that our spiritual conditions become worse and worse. As a result, some believers treat gatherings as a procedure or even do not come to meetings anymore; some churches have to close down, for the meeting attendance numbers are way down.

These phenomena of today’s churches reminded me of the end of the Age of Law. At that time, the temple was in chaos, and turned into a den of thieves where cattle and sheep were sold and money was exchanged. Priests committed sins but heavenly fire no longer fell down to burn them; although believers violated commandments and laws, they were not punished. This was because the Holy Spirit had done a new work in other places: The Lord Jesus was spreading the gospel of the kingdom of heaven and preaching the way of repentance everywhere. So, at that time, the people were bereft of God’s guidance who stubbornly stuck to the laws of the Old Testament in the temple and did not accept the work of the Lord Jesus. Is there any difference between the situation of the religious world at present and that at the end of the Age of Law?

The next day, I sent my knowledge of the desolation of the church to my Facebook friend Jack, who is also a Christian. Later, Jack responded to my message:

“After reading your message, I thought of some scriptures: ‘And also I have withheld the rain from you, when there were yet three months to the harvest: and I caused it to rain on one city, and caused it not to rain on another city: one piece was rained on, and the piece whereupon it rained not withered. So two or three cities wandered to one city, to drink water; but they were not satisfied: yet have you not returned to me’ (Amos 4:7-8).Said the Lord Jehovah, ‘Behold, the days come,  that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of Jehovah’ (Amos 8:11). Now believers are becoming indifferent in their faith, and preachers have nothing to preach about. In fact, within this lies God’s will. When God causes famine to befall the religious world, those who sincerely believe in Him and love the truth are forced to look for a church with the work of the Holy Spirit.”

Afterward, he sent me another message:

“God’s words say: ‘God will accomplish this fact: He will make all people throughout the universe come before Him, and worship the God on earth, and His work in other places will cease, and people will be forced to seek the true way. It will be like Joseph: Everyone came to him for food, and bowed down to him, for he had things to eat. In order to avoid famine people will be forced to seek the true way. The entire religious community is suffering severe famine, and only the God of today is the wellspring of living water, possessed of the ever-flowing wellspring provided for the enjoyment of man, and people will come and depend on Him.’ ‘As such, since we are searching for the footprints of God, we must search for God’s will, for the words of God, for the utterances of God—for where there are the new words of God, there is the voice of God, and where there are the footsteps of God, there are the deeds of God. Where there is the expression of God, there is the appearance of God, and where there is the appearance of God, there exists the truth, the way, and the life.’”

“I think of Canaan’s famine. At that time, only by walking out of the area of famine and coming to Joseph for food could people survive the disaster. Another example: When the Lord Jesus came to do His work, the temple had become desolate. Only through leaving the temple and accepting the gospel of the Lord Jesus could people gain God’s salvation. Just as Peter, John and others, they accepted the watering and nourishing of the Lord, and thus had new light and the path of practice. As a result, they not only had gained the work of the Holy Spirit, but had obtained the Lord’s redemption. Likewise, now the whole religious world becomes seriously desolate, and God wishes that we can take the initiative to look for His footprints. The Lord Jesus said, ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Matthew 7:7). It is also prophesied many times in Revelation, ‘He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches’ (See Revelation 2-3). The Lord’s words make it very clear that when He returns in the last days, He will still speak words, and that He has reminded us to actively search and pay attention to listening to what the Holy Spirit says to the churches. Therefore, what we should do is not only pray to the Lord, but be a wise virgin to open the door to welcome Him. We should find a church where there are expressions of the truth, and where the Holy Spirit is at work; when listening to the way they preach, we should consider whether it can supply our spirits, whether it can resolve the problem of our sins, and so on. The Lord once said: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me’ (John 14:6). Therefore, only when we find the words and utterances of God can we receive the watering of the living water and the provision of life, and solve the desolation of our church. Only in this way can we be brought into the kingdom of heaven by God and obtain the eternal life in the end.”

After I read Jack’s messages, my heart could not calm down for a long time. I thought: “That’s right! The Lord said it so clearly in His words. ‘Seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Matthew 7:7). ‘He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches’ (See Revelation 2-3). Why did I not think of this? It seems that if I want to get out of this trouble, I need to actively seek and investigate the church with the Holy Spirit. Only then can I regain God’s supply and guidance, and thoroughly free myself from the desolate condition of the church.”

At that time, with a released smile, I began to type to reply him …

[thespace-dragon]

I hope you’re ready for another part of MMOTB!! Again, this au is so much fun to write. Thank you @koshkavinni!!

Summary: On the battlefield, anything can happen. Never turn a blind eye to the possibilities.

Word Count: 1346

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

On Ao3

{Comic 1} {Comic 2} {Comic 3} {Comic 4}

“You can’t get rid of me that easy guys,” Lance said as he crossed his arms.

After Hunk and Pidge (mostly Hunk) calmed down, everyone sat down again to eat. Lance didn't eat much but was enough to keep everyone off his back. Keith kept an eye on him, he could see how uncomfortable he was with trying to use the spork, but somehow he was managing. Everyone stayed away from the topic of him piloting the blue lion, tiptoeing around the topic like it was suddenly a taboo. Lance acted like he didn't notice, but when no one was talking to him Keith saw something sad cross his face.

Eventually, they all parted their ways. Hunk led Lance back to his room. Lance joked about Hunk being the best boyfriend ever as he took the big guy's elbow. Hunk laughed pretty hard at that, wiping away a tear as the exited the room. The pull that Keith felt on his heart hurt. It was slight, but it was just Lance joking around like normal. There was no reason to get upset about that. He looked down at his food and tried to reason out his emotions. He was being unreasonable by even thinking about being jealous of Hunk. Keith took a deep breath and calmed himself, letting it out slowly. Focus on the team, make sure they stay together.

Despite all that, Keith lost his appetite. He cleaned his plate of goo and put it away before making for the training deck. His nerves were still pretty shot from the last couple of days and mindlessly cutting down drones sounded like a really good idea right now.

It took hours of striking down drone after drone on the training deck for Keith to finally feel normal – well closer to normal. While he was training, he was able to forget that they had a mission go bad, that they had almost lost a team member, he almost lost a friend, that Lance was blind now. It was a few hours of hard earned ignorance, and by now the whole castle was asleep. But now that Keith stood under the showerhead, washing off his training session that everything came crashing back down.

He slammed a fist against the wall. Why did it feel like it was his fault? Was it because he had been the closest one to Lance at the time? The whole situation had been chaos…lasers everywhere, drone parts littering the whole corridor. It had been a nightmare.

Keith lowered his head under the water, letting it run down his back. He glared two holes into the ground. He should have provided more cover for Lance, he had been stuck behind that truss long enough that the Galra could have targeted his spot. He should have seen that coming, he should have done something to get Lance out of there.

Now Lance was blind.

And it was his fault for not looking out for him.

He wasn’t going to let another thing like this happen again. Keith swore that he would do whatever he could do to help Lance. He couldn’t let him go through this alone.

Keith turned off the shower and wrung out his hair. He still felt like he couldn’t sleep, but he was used to a sleepless night here and there. As soon as he was dressed and his hair was mostly dry, Keith set to wandering the halls of the castle. It was his way of winding down, and after all that’s happened, he was surprised that he hasn’t done this yet. He let his mind wander, just like his feet. He didn’t want to come off to Lance like he was trying to baby him, but there had to be someway Lance could still pilot Blue. Even if he had told Shiro that Lance wouldn’t – couldn’t be replaced, Keith still hadn’t thought of a way for Lance to still be a paladin. All he had was his bond with the blue lion, who chose him for a reason, much like the rest of the lions chose him, Hunk, Pidge, and Shiro. But was Lance’s bond with the blue lion enough to still pilot her?

He turned a corner and came to a stop. Normally the observation deck was the darkest place on the ship, simply because it was open to everything around them. But now it was glowing and the star map was activated. Keith frowned. No one on the ship stayed up this late, even Pidge who he would find in some strange places sometimes. He let his feet carry him into the room.

The map was set on the milky way, Earth pinpointed with a marker, coordinates listed. A small pang of homesickness from just seeing their home planet there. He didn’t have anyone to return to, but he missed being able to travel through the desert on his speeder and just enjoy the wind on his face, and the rush he got from pushing his limits.

“What are you still doing up, Keith?”

Keith flinched slightly. He hadn’t seen Lance sitting on the edge of raised platform in the middle of the room. What was he doing up?

“How’d you know it was me?” he asked as he sat down next to Lance.

Lance shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno, it was more of a guess really.”

Keith didn’t say anything and pulled a leg up, resting his chin on his knee.

They were quiet for a while. Lance was leaning back on his hands, head tilted up like he was actually looking at the stars.

“Thanks for sticking up for me earlier, Keith…”

Keith glanced at him from out of the corner of his eye. “That was nothing. You would do the same for the rest of us.”

Lance smiled a bit at that. “Yeah, I probably would, wouldn’t I?”

Keith smirked and looked back out the stars. “There’s no doubt about it. You did throw yourself in front of a bomb for Coran.”

“As much as I love Coran, I’m not doing that again. That hurt.”

Both of them chuckled at that.

"Are you doing okay? You know-" Lance cut Keith off with a sure voice.

“Keith, I’m fine.”

The red paladin picked up his head and looked over at Lance.

“I’m still going to pilot Blue.”

Keith felt his eyes widen. Lance’s face was determined.

“I am still the Blue Paladin. That’s not going to change.”

It was in that moment Keith saw a glimpse of the old Lance. He could see the spark of confidence, the determination to save the universe. He could hear it in his voice, see it in the set of his shoulders. Lance looked like the Lance for the first time.

Keith smiled softly, glad that Lance was still striving to be himself during this.

“It’s good to have you back, Lance.”

Lance deflated. “I’m not even back yet…I’m still going to pilot Blue, but I have no how. I can’t see anymore, I only made it here because I have it memorized. But flying Blue around in space where there’s everything and anything? Fighting the Galra? Flying with you guys? Forming Voltron is going to be a disaster!”

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. His hands were clenched into fists, trying to stop them from shaking, but Keith could still the small tremors. He reached out and covered one of them.

“You still have time to figure it out, Lance. Blue isn’t going anywhere. She’s still your lion.” He meant what he said in the dining hall earlier, Lance wasn’t going to be replaced.

The blue paladin leaned into to Keith. “I’m scared…I have no idea how this is going to work…”

Keith pulled him into a hug and Lance buried his face into his shoulder. “It’s going to be ok, we can figure it out – you can figure it out. Believe in yourself, Lance.”

Lance didn’t say anything, just nodding.

It was going to take some time for everyone to adjust to this, most of all Lance.

[andthenwedance]

On the 25th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Sorry this has taken so so so long @broadwaybaggins! I blame too much international travel

Forewarning this is actually my first Mercy Street fic and I don’t totally have the character’s voices in my head. Yay for the show coming back this week to amend that!!

Phoster College AU basically just based this on things that we both love- ie Notre Dame tailgates and theater and Hamilton. Happy Belated Christmas Allison :)

Jed Foster watched his breath fog before him as he opened the car door. He pulled his gloves firmly on his hands. The snow on the field where he was parked was fresh and downy, surprising for the amount of traffic that was traversing the field. He tucked his blue and gold scarf on tighter- if it was going to be this cold all day, then it was going to be a long day.

 He checked his phone for the location of the tailgate, “Stadium Lot, look for a Green SUV and a Chicago flag.”

 It had been a while since Jed had been on campus, and he’d never actually been a student at the university, but he thought he could manage to make his way to campus. He could see the infamous Golden Dome in the foreground, flanked by the church steeple and library top. It gave him a tingle of excitement, as did the bustle of game day as he approached the campus. It was early, nearly 11AM, but there were plenty of students bundled in game day attire, blasting music from dorm room windows, and others grilling up messes of smoke at handmade concession stands. He admired the students’ stamina, as they’d been undoubtedly up late the night before be it partying or studying. He remembered being an undergraduate, at a much smaller school, but just being on campus here recalled several memories of both the stress and camaraderie of college. Not that med school was any less stressful, but the environment was different than undergrad.

 He navigated his way to the stadium, hard to miss with excessive construction tangled around it. Behind the stadium was a massive parking lot brimming with activity. There were cars as far as the eye could see, each with a tent set up outside, often with grills of their own and copious amounts of alcohol. It’d been a while since he’d been a football game and he was eager to get into the game day spirit. And, as the holiday season was approaching, he was also ready to welcome the Christmas spirit.

 Jed wandered through the aisles of tailgates, trying to find the Green family’s spot. They were old friends from back home who’d reached out to offer Jed an extra ticket with the hope of him hobnobbing with a doctor friend of theirs, who might be a valuable networking connection or something like that.

 After passing a handful of Chicago flags, he located the Green family’s tailgate.

 “There’s the good doctor,” A voice called to him, waving him over.

 Jed chuckled and turned to their spot.

 He took in the family and their milling friends and family around them. He recognized Emma at once. Their daughter was a year younger than him and he knew her pretty well. He had met her years back. Her black curls were dancing under her bright green Santa hat. Leave it to Emma Green to own green everything. She was talking to someone else, another girl with dark hair and bangs. The girl was a taller, a fierce look on her face. Jed instantly thought she was gorgeous.

 He took one glance at the chattering group of adults, all of them engaging in drunk networking, and he moved over to where the girls were sipping drinks.

 “Oh hey Jed,” Emma called, “I’m glad you made it.”

“Me too,” He said.

 “Here, have a pretzel necklace,” Emma said cheerfully, putting one around his neck, “It’s our mom’s new tailgating brainwave.”

 “Uh, thanks,” He said, with a chuckle.

 “This is my roommate, Mary,” Emma said.

 The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes as Emma gave her a bump towards Jed.

 “Hi,” Mary said.

 “Mary is going to be a doctor too,” Emma told him.

 “I have to get into medical school first,” Mary said carefully, “But yeah that’s the plan.”

 Her voice was low and straightforward. He liked that.

  “I’m sure you’ll get in,” He said, trying to sound hopeful.

 “She totally will,” Emma gabbed, “She’s got amazing grades. Plus, she’s also doing a theater major.”

 “You act too?” He asked.

 Clearly Emma’s friend was a wealth of talent.

 “Yeah, I do,” She said.

 “You guys should really talk about doctor things,” Emma said, “I’m going to go figure out where Alice went. Last time I saw her she was heading towards a USC tailgate. Our rivals, really? Seriously, I can’t keep that girl out of trouble. Byyyyeeee!”

 Jed was thrown for a moment. It seemed that Emma was up to some amateur match making, but this could be very awkward- especially for her roommate who seemed a little shy.

 “So uh,” He said, “Is it hard balancing theater and medicine? Like do you have time for plays and all the homework?”

 Mary blinked up at him for a moment and then cracked a smile, “Wow, a lot of people don’t think of that- but yeah it can be sort of stressful. But, I’ve it this far right?”

 Somehow the awkward tension between them dissipated into friend chitchat. She told him about the play she’d been in, most recently playing the Baker’s Wife in Into the Woods. So clearly, she could sing as well. He prodded her on the medical schools she applied to, schools all over- but three in Chicago. He imagined what things might be like if they lived in the same city. They might be able to give dating a real chance.

 In exchange, he talked to her about his first year of medical school so far- the struggles, the excitement, the new friends he made, how he liked living in a big city. He gave tips for interviews, though he could tell already that she had what it took. Applications were definitely a toss-up, a gamble- but he believed that

 It was after nearly an hour of chatting that her phone started ringing.

 “Damn, sorry, I forgot I promised another friend I’d go to her tailgate,” Mary said, “I really liked getting to know you. I’m sure I’ll run into you another time.”

 She gave him a hug and then ran off. He watched her run into the crowd. Her dark head and navy jacket stayed in focus until it didn’t- blending into those around her.

 He wondered if this was what Great American love stories were like today. Boy and girl meet, not at all ball, or a hospital during wartime, but at a college football tailgate. Their both well educated, highly driven. Is this what everyone strived for?

 But as he gazed at the throng of beer-soaked, gold-and-blue dazzled game watchers, he realized that if it was his all-American love story, it didn’t have a happy end. He’d already lost her.

 “Hey, Jed, come over here I want you to meet someone,” A voice beckoned him to further networking. But he felt a sense of loss settle in his chest as he took one final glance at the crowd.

 --

 By the third quarter Mary was freezing. She was normally good about staying for games- the whole game. It was tradition: standing on the benches, singing the Alma Mater with her friends, and then racing to the dining hall for candlelight dinner.

 But well, the team was losing. Mary’s feet were numb, and had been since the first quarter and her fingers were also losing feeling. In addition, her boots were covered in goo from the marshmallow war that that had taken place during half time.

 And well, she couldn’t stop thinking about Emma’s cute friend. He had been an interesting person to talk to, cute too. She felt antsy about the fact that she was unlikely to see him again. She didn’t meet intelligent, medical students everyday- especially ones that were as down to earth as he was.

 It didn’t matter because she was never going to see him again. It was best to head back to her dorm now before she needed to be taken to the hospital for hypothermia or something. She bid goodbye to her friends, despite their intense protests, and headed out of the stadium.

 She was exiting when suddenly- there he was.

 “Jed, right?” She asked.

 For as cute as he was, his name kinda sucked.

 “Yeah, Mary,” He said, his eyes lightening up.

 “Why aren’t you in the game?” She asked.

 “Too cold,” He remarked.

 “Same,” She agreed.

 “Could you direct me to the nearest Starbucks?” He asked.

 She smiled and nodded, “Yeah there is one in the student center.”

 “If you show me the way, I’ll buy you a coffee,” He offered.

 “I suppose I can be convinced,” She said, giving a smile.

 They walked across campus, despite her frozen feet, to the Starbucks. She watched him order a plain coffee and a caramel macchiato for her. They settled in the main area of the student center where they could still watch the game on the large TV there.

 She listened as he told her about how he decided to become a doctor. His brother had his leg amputated when he younger and Jed had felt powerless. He decided to become a doctor soon after. Mary shared her story in exchange- how the death of her high school boyfriend had prompted her take an interest in medicine as a way to make up for it.

 “Well, it seems like we have a fair share of sad stories between us,” Mary acknowledged.

 “And guilt complexes,” He added.

 Her phone started buzzing with just as the feeling came back into her feet. She knew that her friends were calling her about dinner plans.

 “Wow,” Jed said, nodding at the screen, “Would you look at that- we won!”

 She glanced at the TV and indeed they had pulled out a victory.

 “Who would have thought?” She said, breaking into a huge smile.

 She leapt forward and gave him a hug. He pulled her tight. And dang it, she really liked being in his arms.

 When they pulled back, she awkwardly looked at her phone and saw a flurry of texts from friends, beckoning her to dinner and celebrations.

 “Look,” She said, “I need to go. But, I think we should stay in touch.”

 “Actually, I have extra theater tickets for next weekend, if you want to visit Chicago,” He offered.

 “Hmm,” She said, “Next week is reading weekend, exams are important for doctoring and such- but I might go if the show is good.”

 “Well, they’re Hamilton tickets,” He admitted, “But if you really need to study…”

 “You have extra Hamilton tickets? Who are you?” She gasped.

 “They were a gift from a friend and I was going to invite a friend from class, but something tells me you’ll appreciate them more,” He told her.

 “Yes, I’ll be here,” She said. She could hear her voice getting a little squeaky with excitement.

 “Great,” He said, “You can study the rest of the weekend if you wish. I’ll be studying too.”

 “A studying and Hamilton date?” She said, before taking a shaky step forward to him and putting a kiss on his lips.

 “So that’s a yes?” He said.

“Definitely a yes,” She agreed, “Merry Christmas.”

[themysterioussilence]

Letter to Self

Hi self,

As you are writing this, you are 20. About to be 21 in a few months.

I have come to realize that you have been so hard on yourself for the past years. It seems that you have been struggling with accepting and loving yourself which makes you always in disbelief whenever someone does it for you. It’s a shame. But on the contrary, you have been progressing towards becoming better. Your destructive thoughts do not really come often as it used to. You are more open to people, by open I mean you are more comfortable in telling people how you feel. But yes maybe, not everyone, but some - your best friends and your boyfriend. (yeah, you have a boyfriend!)

I know there are still some days when you feel like a failure and don’t deserve all the good things in life, and that’s why I am here. I want to remind you that you have made it this far. You never thought that you would, but you did. You have gone through hardships and struggled all by yourself and yet here you are. I gotta say that I’m very proud of you, self. There are times when you contemplated whether life is worth living when you feel like shit, but you chose to live anyway. Right now, you are content with your life. Although you still have things you need to fix and improve on that is normal as you are currently a work in progress. C’est La Vie. We are all work in progress. The journey makes it worthwhile.

Ever since you voiced out your interest and passion, you have become happier. You have achieved lots of things. You have been to places. You did things you never thought you would.

When you first went to Malaysia for your study, you had to be all alone. For someone who never was apart from their family and friends her whole life, let alone live independently, you actually did pretty great. It wasn’t hard for you. You adapted it so quickly and managed to live. Not everyone can do that, but you can.

Having literally no one in a foreign country, wasn’t a problem for to you. Not at all. Since you adapted very well, you somehow managed to make friends and rarely feel lonely. In fact, it made you more comfortable and free being all alone. You needed that. It’s like a fresh start for you. You always like the idea of meeting new people and getting to know them - it fascinates you the way humans think and act. Hence, psychology.  

As a wanderer, or someone who enjoys wandering around - you have been doing that for quite a number of times. In fact, you do that whenever you can. That makes you happy and fulfilled. Just seeing the world revolving and the people make you somewhat serene. It’s a remedy to you.

Your friends think that you are a confident person. Eventhough, what you are doing is “fake it till you make it” I can feel that you are gradually building up the confidence. You can’t see it, but you can feel it. Of course, there are times when you feel not confident at all - but hey, that is okay. You are human.

You have always been an independent person. But you have taken it to the next level - you have travelled alone! Maybe not for the entire trip, but still, you are proud of that. Let me remind you, you travelled to Egypt from Bru all alone. It was your first time travelling that far, and the fact that you did that alone is just impressive. And you stayed in Egypt for a month. 1 whole month. Crazy. Next, when you were in Singapore, eventhough it was only your second time being there, but you somehow managed to roam around all by yourself safely. Sometimes you forget how impressive it is, until someone points out and said that they could never do that and how brave of you to do that. And they are right, you are brave. You and I both know that there are more exploration coming in the future!

When it comes to university assignments, you have been able to do it and finish it splendidly. Despite the hardships and struggles you went through in order to finish it, you have achieved so much from it - life experiences; e.g meeting up artists, getting to contribute to the society ; strengthen your friendships. No matter how hard it is, you still learn something out of it.

You have had worked at 3 different places during your school break. No one in your family has done it. You did. Although you are considered priviledged enough to have no needs to work, but you chose to. Because you crave for the experiences, passions, interests and being autonomy. One of your biggest achievement. Throughout your working time, you met new people. Lots. It kept you going. Oh yeah, remember when you worked at Piccolo and you were on the night shift when a foreigner came in and you guys talked till closing? He even walked you out. Man, that;s just one of many.

You are way more open about your feelings toward some people. You used to be very secretive and like to bottle up your feelings - well you still do, but you are making an effort to be more open. Your walls used to be so high up to the extent you couldnt see the people on the other side. You have/had always been protective of yourself as you hold onto this “I distant myself so no one gets hurt” and it had been going well for you. But self, you should realize if you keep on doing that, you are not truly living. You are holding yourself back from experiencing life. True, you are gonna get yourself heartbroken, betrayed, hurt, but you do know that’s how one grow and strive. You just gotta accept it. Do you remember one of your psychology lecturer’s word? “These days people are afraid to face the reality of getting hurt, so they distant themselves from others so they dont get hurt” and her words hit you. I am proud of you for making an effort to change.

You have bestfriends that you can rely on. You have told them about yourself. You’ve shown them your vulnerability. That’s a very huge step for you. You are starting to trust them. You’ve never done that, not to anyone, but you know these four persons can be trusted and relied on.

uhhh this part is the corny and cheesy part, so um brace yourself and bear with it. So.... you met a guy. Online. Weird huh? You were never one for meeting someone romantically online. And also, you had been a skeptical person when it comes to love. It was hard for you to fall for someone. But um you have now. Remember when you wanted someone like Patrick Jane? guess you have found yours. He is what you currently need. He is an amazing guy. You’ve learnt a lot from him especially when it comes to emotions and feelings. Vulnerability. Expressing yourself. Reality. Relationships. Men. Insecurities. You learn about yourself as much as you learn about him and other things.

Basically, you are blessed. Privileged. Having an unconditional support from family and friends. I am content. But you do have things you need to fix and improve on - maybe for another post.

Brace yourself for more things to come in your life. You’re still young. You are bound to struggle throughout your life but that is not an excuse for you to not enjoy the ride.

[oilibie-blog]

30 years ago, do not care about 29 things, a woman before the age of 30 do not care about 29 things

What should a woman care about? What should I not care about? Look at the 29 things the woman didn't care about before she was 30. You must have understood. In this life, you always have the things you care about most, and the things you don't want to care about. Of course, we should care about, we still want to care about, can not care about the best, do not impose on yourself. In this way, people can live happier and more relaxed in this life.

1, give up

The opposite is to give up; to choose an opportunity is to give up all the other possibilities. When new opportunities are ahead, dare to give up everything has been obtained, it is not the work not completed, give up halfway, this is to seek greater development space; or what not to do, just because of love, because young is the biggest opportunity. People are only thirty years old before the courage to have this qualification.

2, lovelorn

I don't care, I don't care. What is most afraid of losing before thirty is not what you already have, but what you dream about. If love is just a process, then this is the age should experience, if you want to bear the results, after thirty years old, may be more capable, more qualified. In fact, we have to do a lot of things before the age of thirty, transient, long has been indulging in a dry riverbed in love, and the life rhythm of this age is.

3, divorce

No, I don't care. Everything is still in time. A thirty-eight year old girlfriend and husband married fifteen years, the cold war thirteen years, and finally break up. "If she didn't want to divorce for the sake of the kids," he said, "he made his first divorce. I didn't agree. Now I want to. I really don't know why.". If I had broken up earlier, my life would have never been like this. Now that I have started all over again, I always feel it's too late.

4, wandering

Wandering is not a misfortune, but a qualification. While no family burden, while health, drifting when? Of course, the wandering is not necessarily the body, perhaps just fantasy and dreams. The fashion leader of the new century is the floating generation, eager to drift, the only thing that does not float is the heart.

5, unemployment

Thirty years old before the taste of unemployment, of course, is an unfortunate thing, but not necessarily a bad thing. Thirty years old before premature fixed in a career, this life may be the biggest misfortune. Unemployment may remind you of dreams that have been buried for a long time and may even awaken the potential that you never knew before. Maybe you didn't have a dream, and this time it forced you to dream.

6, fashion

Don't follow the fashion. Ordinarily, young people should be the most fashionable, but independent thinking and personal life is more important. In this material society, in fact, the pursuit of fashion has long been a pursuit of money. Today, fashion is synonymous with materialism and worldly desires.

7, style

This is petty bourgeois, the word "petty bourgeoisie" is popular two times today, and the pursuit of style is their patent. Petty bourgeoisie said, there are style to meet the four major elements: wisdom, accomplishment, self-confidence and money. Style is the idea of "noble" as a sense of dress, temperament, taste, and interior decoration. It is an only display style of "petty bourgeoisie" vulgar, has the ability to vulgarthey the mind. Not to non mainstream concepts of offbeat, offbeat ideas have become the mainstream of young people, today seem old-fashioned offbeat. The key is that today's society is an age of creative ideas, not a period of old ideas.

8, evaluation

The last thing we should do is change ourselves because of other people's opinions, because those who tell you what you are doing do not know what they are following. Never do things according to the rules. The rules are still being created. You should do everything on your own judgment, though it will be a little troublesome.

9, childish

Don't be afraid to say we are naive, this means you are young and energetic. "Mature" is a frightening word is a menace. Maturity and immaturity are the greatest, no, least responsible, useless generalizations of a person. The person said they would someone naive. Do not believe, one day you life pressure to be old apathetic when people will say you are ripe, you will know what is "mature".

10, do not adapt

In one rock, there's the phrase, "this city changed me. This city doesn't need me.". Don't blindly adapt to the environment in which you live, for it is likely that the environment has not adapted itself to the development of this society.

11, failure

My teacher once told me that a man should be lovelorn at least once, fail once in his career, and make a mistake in his choice to grow up. Don't say failure is the mother of success. As an old saying goes, failure comes as early as possible. If you are thirty years old, then you will fail again after forty years of age, and some things will probably be too late.

12, mistakes:

Every man has a record of making mistakes, but he does not encourage repeating the same mistakes. If you think there is anyone who has never made a mistake, then this is your mistake: everyone has the right to make mistakes, but do not advocate the same mistakes, if you think of someone who never make mistakes, that is your mistake.

By the age of 30 can make mistakes, as long as it is not a fatal mistake! Before the age of 30 is to avoid making mistakes again after 30 years of age, who were unable to avoid repeated mistakes, but as long as the lessons, there will always be changed once! Want to repeat the error does not occur after the age of 30!

13, shallow

Every time I watch "Titanic", I shed tears. Every time I watch "Westward Journey", I can't smile and laugh. In fact, that only shows that your nerves are still very sharp and respond quickly to even very weak stimuli; when you feel sluggish, people will say you are deep.

14 stars

No, I don't care. I don't care. Stars in the commodity society is a consumer goods, spent money, listen to the song, watched the film, the stars are better performance, but it is worth the money and yourself, it is not worth worship! Just like you pay fifty yuan for a skirt on the stall, others guess it's eight hundred yuan. Is it worth the money? You adore this dress?

15, the price

Not by any means, but by knowing that everything costs a price. It's no nonsense to people of our age. Otherwise, when you are thirty years old, you will realize how much you have paid for, but do not understand why you pay, but do not understand how much you have gained, and what to get.

16, loneliness

It's a price for freedom.

In fact, sometimes we think we are very lonely. We think we are lonely, that is, fashion is higher than the crowd. Freedom and loneliness are not contradictory unless you have depression.

In fact, no one likes to be alone, but there are always people who make loneliness for themselves

17, frustrated

Including emotional, career, perhaps only today for spending money on something to buy friends, can not but honour his word. Too much care about the feelings of disappointment, not to take advantage of the fate of playing tricks on themselves, that is, to take other people's mistakes to punish themselves.

18, defects

Maybe you're short, maybe you're not good-looking, maybe your voice like Tang Laoya, your advantage is that you are not your surface shallow bright delay, spend less time, less take some bend directly to find your inner strength, digging deep potential directly.

19, misunderstanding

If it is malicious, then interpretation is useless; if it is in good faith, there is no need for explanation. Specifically mentioned "misunderstandings" not because a person has been misunderstood before the age of thirty more, but when people of this age more.

20, rumors

This is an infectious disease. Silence is the best vaccine. Unless you can find the source of the infection, the explanation will become the ideal condition for the spread of the virus.

21, crazy

This is the best mental adjustment for young people. It shows that you are energetic and physically and mentally healthy. You say "Crazy" is the evaluation of some depressed, mentally and physically exhausted in the elderly malicious, they like a bad repair machine, the need to adjust, but only fine-tuning, an overhaul will make them.

22, stability

Thirty years before the care stable life, the only two possibilities, either in the lottery, or is prematurely senile.

23, pressure

How much stress a middle-aged man can bear is testing his toughness; how much stress a young man can bear and what his potential is.

24, go abroad

Maybe it's a chance, maybe a trap. Unless the university entrance exam from the moment you have to go abroad, this goal, attitude should be treated the same as love, striving for success, you.

25 salary

Just to work, the salary is higher, also higher than where. So before the age of thirty, opportunities are far more important than money. Business is far more important than money. It's far more important than money. For most people, the primary goal of doing business before the age of thirty is not to earn money, but to earn the future.

26, deposits

It's not necessarily because we have less money, young people now know that money is alive. There are so many opportunities, so good conditions, you can take money to mortgage, do today's things, spend tomorrow's money; you can also take money to invest, take money to "charge.". Money is only money in the course of its circulation, otherwise it is only a stack of the best quality waste paper in the world.

27 house

Unless you buy a house for appreciation, well, you're married. I have a classmate, home in the field, after graduation from the University, the unit has no dormitory, the house bought a house for him. He had a chance to work in Beijing, but he felt he had bought the house and left the city turn, give up. He works steadily now, but he has achieved nothing. The only achievement was getting married and having children, because he felt he should not let the house remain empty forever, so the house became a home. The house is an allegory of urban life, and this fable should not be associated with us too soon.

28, age

Girls start hiding their age after twenty-five, but in fact they don't need. Now that youth is delayed to forty-five, what is twenty-five?

29, care about

It is a state of mind that cannot be held up or set aside. The opposite of it is not to give up, but to be free and unrestrained, free, and always optimistic.