#everything was mind blowingly beautiful and so fucking cool

[welcometogrouchland]

LADEL HI WHAT DID YOU THINK OF SPIDER-VERSE

FUCKING MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[purpledragonbae]

Okay dope. I made a blog. This shall be fun!!!! Okay so I’m reading the untethered soul for the 2nd time in my life and holy Fuck I’ve never read a book that is so incredible soul awakening and practical spiritual practice teaching book. It’s insane. Like the concept of practicing unconditional happiness is boom - mind blowingly simple and beautiful. Also - I was so reactive before - like a combustible explosive devise thing but like god damn… it teaches to just sit there with the pain and actually let yourself feel it without reacting at all. It talks about why we resist this and how this pain is energetically charged from our past and so on. It’s the path to liberation man. And articulated in such a beautiful simple way. I will read this book endlessly.

My partner and I are on a tiny lil breaky poo and it was my suggestion. It’s a good test for me to practice these things I’ve been learning. Like unconditional happiness and allowing the pain to move through me. It’s so beautiful.

I’m definitely clinging onto him internally and am constantly energetically letting go. I love him and want him to be free to be his most happiest self. It definitely feels like him and I have a soul connection that is beyond life altering and an awareness to let go if we aren’t helping each other’s lives. I feel deeply connected to him. It’s also beautiful because it’s as though we take turns in life teaching each other and helping each other grow. He has definitely been a teacher in my life for a lot of the concepts in this book even. It’s very cool.

But ultimately, it is out of my control whether he wishes to be with me any longer. I feel like there’s an energetic exchange between people and they only remain bound should both people be constantly learning and growing together. Our relationships are teachers and when the learning ends, the relationship fades off. Obviously there can be relationships that last the long haul, so long as both parties are willing to learn and grow and they don’t resist the changes.

I learn from all my friends - especially the ones that drive me mad. Sometimes I’ve made the mistake of cutting people off but it haunts me in my sleep, as if our spirits still collide in the nighttime to finish what we were meant to learn. Sometimes the spiritual lessons are too exhausting at a chapter of your life so boundaries are essential - but don’t burn bridges like I have. You’ll regret it. Just take space.

It’s nice to get the chance to mend a broken bond with someone. Feels like healing. But so often we don’t get that chance. We just get to learn the lessons.

Man I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this world; but ultimately none of them were mistakes because they were steps in this journey towards love and light and none of us can really help the soul we are. We just have to do the work and transcend.

I spent a while chasing the superficial and it really just burned a hole in my soul and bank account. It was another lesson though. Happiness isn’t found there, obviously.

Happiness really isn’t found anywhere - not a career, a relationship, not a home or by getting a puppy. It is only sustainable when developed from within.

It’s kind of wild looking back on even just a month ago. Or a week ago. Just before reading this book and how much a few tools can change everything.

I think our intuition always knows what is right. I’m trying to connect with my soul right now to know what my partner and I will end up doing. Maybe our souls are meant to carry on our learnings with others. Or maybe we never need to cut our growth off. Maybe each person we love and meet shares a deep wisdom from which we can always gain and vice versa.

I’m rethinking everything right now. My boyfriend was liking his exes photos on insta while we were going through stuff, but ultimately I’m choosing not to care at all because they had their own connection and it doesn’t affect his and mine at all. Only if I let it. And I think it’s beautiful that he’s the type of person who always keeps others in his life.

Sometimes it seems you need to separate from someone to learn the lessons, specifically romantically. I’m wondering if dynamics can evolve together along the same romantic path. I feel like my partner was a great teacher to me. I hope I was to him as well.

I think I taught him a bit about self love and self respect and going for what you want in life and not being walked over and about self esteem and about being adventurous and traveling. He taught me about being softer and non attachment and about how it’s okay to have a past that has hurt you. He taught me to be less superficial and to love myself in a new way. He has helped me heal so much. No matter what happens I’m so grateful for him and he will always hold such a special place in my heart. I want to be in love with him forever but only if it’s happy, healthy and helping us grow. I will love him forever no matter what.

I tend to cling onto relationships. I don’t want to do that this time because it never ends well. If it is time, that is out of my power and I have faith everything will be as it is meant to be. I want him to be so happy and live his absolute best life with or without me. I cannot bare to hurt him because he’s just to pure and sweet. He is also strong and has a perspective on love that is just so beautiful. I hope my past pain hasn’t hurt him.

Just like knowing when to stop with a piece of art, there is beauty in knowing when it is time to move on. There is no point in forcing anything.

The best case scenario is that everyone on this earth ends up endlessly happy. I guess upon choosing to be happy no matter what, that takes away a lot of the in between unnecessary steps.

So with that, I close off my vowing that no matter what happens, I choose to always be happy.

[biki-hates-blizzard]

Ere-a

/eldritch giggling, "Ere-a."

Ahem, anyway; welcome! I hate Blizzard. You can call me Biki. Why do I hate Blizzard?

Because I grew up with it.

In the era before eras, of my life, my earliest memories include watching my father playing WarCraft. The first WarCraft. Orcs vs Humans. And Doom. It was a much simpler time (to me), and a much simpler game; with a far simpler premise: angry green dudes with axes exist, and there are humans--and they're fighting.

I didn't even know why.

Don't reckon I cared. It was cool. And, when I wasn't being bullied at school--I was probably trying to play games.

I only started to really...care...or follow any sort of storyline, when we went out to CompUSA and tried to buy us a copy of Orcs vs Humans--but we found, instead, that WarCraft II had come out.

Now that was a beautiful game. And I liked playing the orcs.

Tides of Darkness had more of a storyline to it, at least to my developing brain, and while I still couldn't quite understand why they were fighting at all--aside from just, the simple truth of being "they're enemies."

Good enough for me!

The bullying never stopped, so I took eventually to writing. Mostly about getting a girlfriend, because strangely--even as a toddler, I was obsessed with eventually having some sort of partner. Anyway, thirty years later--I know a couple a things about good writing.

And...

Blizzard apparently doesn't seem to. At least, not anymore.

WarCraft, most of all, my most beloved and earliest of...uh...friends, is an absolute f u c k i n g mess compared to what I used to understand about it.

I'm not sure its most die-hard fans even think it's original, but that's far from WarCraft's...biggest...eh...issues. I'll be endeavoring to reshape it to a more cohesive, less problematic entity--in the form of a...personal alternate universe.

I've identified WarCraft's three biggest issues; the first of which is already named above: mind-blowingly unoriginal ideas.

2nd; everything is so painfully "white boy" that I'm surprised there aren't confederate flags all over the place--though they do that in Starcraft.

3rd; at almost every single possible opportunity, the setting absolutely fucking L O V E S to rip agency away from its own characters--to the point where I find myself unable to hate characters when they do absurd things, because few of them ever stood a chance of being characters instead of plot points or mouth pieces to begin with.

Understand, going forward, that I'm not writing any of this as some sort of insistence that others agree with me--nor that any other personal re-imagining is invalidated; it's just that I have noticed some...troublesome trends slipped into the works--and if you know anything about the corporate history of Blizzard, you probably won't be surprised by any of it.

Ultimately, what I miss the most about the series...is the innocence I had when I first got into it. Since I will never be innocent again, unscarred and unthreatened by the world I live in, this is my repose.

I hope you'll like here. And fuck you, Blizzard.

[amwritingmeta]

S15 Hopes and Wishes: Cas

Alright, shall we do this, then? Shall we start the speculative portion of summer, then? I mean, this is speculative hopes and wishes, based in what I can see viable for S15, right? It’s not a prediction. It’s not me saying this will happen. It’s me saying, heyyyyyy, look at what they might’ve set up for! And wouldn’t it be cool if...?? 

Yeah?

Cool beans. (or hot ones) (whichever way you like em)

So.

This thought came into my head last Sunday while I was on a train from Rome to Fiumincino. (highly irrelevantly relevant, but anyway)

Let’s look at where S14 ends and where S15 might pick up when it comes to Cas, yeah? Because, way I see it, Chuck snapping his fingers and that episode being all about how writers lie and how Chuck is the ultimate control freak toxic masculinity bad guy and everything that was pulled on by Dabb in the finale landed in Chuck’s final statement:

Welcome to the end.

Welcome to The End.

See it? Yeah, I know you do, you clever.

The Croatoan virus was basically a zombie virus, right? The croats have the characteristics of zombies. It’s all very fitting then that now, at the actual end, we’re dealing with a zombie apocalypse. I mean, talk about Chuck luxuriating in his own story. Talk about a callback with a twist! 

To me, the narrative of 5x03 was itself a lie, spun by Zachariah, built on Dean’s deepest fears, a worst case scenario meant to manipulate Dean into saying yes to Michael.

And in The End, the dynamics had shifted unhealthily. That episode is all about highlighting Dean’s real internal wants and needs by forcing him to face the aforementioned worst case scenario.

I mean, I’d argue it was all inspired by fears that Zachariah tapped into in Dean, but whatever it was - real or constructed - the intention of the episode remains the same, yeah? To expose those fears to us and to wake Dean up to the truth of what a rift between him and Sam actually means for the bigger picture.

In 14x20, we get Chuck saying yeah, my callback isn’t a replica, isn’t a virus spreading, but rather the dead literally waking, and me ripping apart your legacy because it was all a construct and your choices don’t really matter and there’s nothing you can do to stop me (because more doomsday) but it’s still the marrow of Zachariah’s world, and it’s bound to fuck with you guys the way you’re fucking with my story.

That’s the setup. 

Now to Cas:

What was Cas’ role in The End?

Well... you know, right? Yeah, I think you do, you clever.

And, listen, my horses are so, so held here, but... in The End, Cas is human.

Cas in The End is bitter at how his journey has ended without him really having a say in how. He didn’t choose to give up his powers - he chose to stay and fight with his human friend’s, but he wasn’t expecting humanity to creep up on him as the lack of angels in Heaven meant that the grace of Heaven simply... depleted. In The End, Cas states that he used to belong to a “much better club”, but we know that Cas now, at the very end, would never say that or feel that way. He’s been disillusioned by Heaven and doesn’t even identify as an angel anymore, but rather as a “thing”. 

A thing in between.

And that’s why it would be so fucking amazing if he starts the season human, because Chuck, with that snap of his fingers, will have taken away one of the brother’s more important weapons (Dean this season even said to Jack that they still see Cas as insurance when out on the job) and that’s Chuck’s motivation (one might assume), but for Cas’ individual arc, being pushed out of this state of complacency he’s been in for so much of season fourteen due, in large part, to his deal with the Empty and his canonical fear of happiness, would mean that he’s suddenly put in a place of gaining true perspective.

Perspective on himself, so that he can finally dare to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? and answer them honestly, because only when he dares to answer them honestly can he begin to experience true happiness and, once he does experience it, without inhibition, if he’s human he’ll be rewarded for finally learning his lesson, and he’ll be rewarded when the Empty can’t touch him at the moment of real happiness, because the Empty can’t touch him in his true form, because humans don’t belong in the Empty.

It. Would. Be. So. Damn. Beautiful.

*horses held horses held but OMFG but horses held*

Why was Cas being human in The End part of that worst case scenario for Dean? Because of the distance between endverse!Dean and endverse!Cas. 

Our Dean lowkey wants Cas to be human, because Dean wants Cas to be with him and it’s a whole lot of complexity that goes into that lowkey wish, but that wish in its simplest form is that: if Cas is human, Dean might have a shot and Cas might choose to stay. And stop dying. :)

In The End, Cas is human and fighting alongside Dean, but not in the way our Dean wants, deep down, though he’s still too scared to admit it (which is why we’re shown it) (so that we can lowkey understand for him). Cas’ embittered view of humanity is also the absolute opposite of what Dean wants for him, and hey, I’d argue that Dean gives Cas a nickname and starts pushing human things on him immediately because Dean, as representative of humanity for Cas, inherently knows what Cas truly wants, even though Cas doesn’t, and Dean consciously doesn’t either.

It’s the core of the subtext of their love story arc: that they bring out the truth of one another’s core traits and highlight what the other’s core need is.

Faith for Dean.

Humanity for Cas.

But that’s really a different post. It’s just all so very pretty and whatever we get I’m sure it’ll be fucking amazing and highly entertaining and that they will build us a worthy ending, because every person involved on this show wants that worthy ending. 

I just think that Cas becoming human sooner rather than later, and us getting to follow him truly exploring his humanity and learning how to deal with that flooding of emotion and the cravings and the desires... It would make for fantastic fucking story fodder! *human!Cas addict though*

And also, as a deeply personal wish, I suppose, it would be truly profound (especially since last time he ended his stint as a human specifically to prepare himself for war by swallowing Theo’s grace) to have Cas heading into this final battle as a human, in order to prove to himself that he does not need his powers to be powerful, to be useful, to be every bit the necessary addition to the group that he’s always been.

It would be so mind-blowingly head-explodingly fantastic that there are no damn words for how happy it’d make me. And I’d be happy for his sake. 

Aside from that, he deserves to feel accepted into that bunker, just as he is. Just the basic him. Without all those bells and whistles. :) And to understand that he always was. Truly. That he’s not kept around as insurance, because he truly isn’t. But more than that, for him to feel so comfortable in his own skin that he can, finally, accept the truth of this and see the love that the Winchesters have for him.

*yes I know we all want this of course!!*

And with regards for how it should be Cas’ choice to become human, I think it’s just as powerful for him to choose to stay human, if given to choice to have his powers restored. 

You know, he kind of needs to be shaken out of the complacency in order to actually understand what’s best for him, because if he doesn’t gain perspective, it’s very difficult for him to truly understand himself, right?

And I’ve always seen the whole Heaven-crumbling-into-dust bit as a very good and big obstacle to Cas choosing humanity for himself, for any reason (like recognising that it’ll nullify his deal with the Empty, for example) because how could Cas ever choose to do anything that will, ultimately, serve to end the world and end it through enormous suffering? As long as his grace is needed to power Heaven, of course he wouldn’t make the choice to give it up.

But if the choice is made for him...

Oh, it would be too amazing to even consider.

But I shall not say that this will happen, that this must happen, that this is clearly what they have set up for, because I don’t know, I can’t know, this is speculative, this is not a prediction of any kind, it’s literally just a great big old wish, fuelled by hope that we get a long human!Cas arc, rather than a too short one. 

And, yes, to my mind, if all these men are thresholding the way I feel the season finale set them up for, then Cas becoming human would mean a huge shift in the dynamic between him and Dean and it could do such wonders. 

They’re all so ready for a change.

I truly hope they get it as early as the first episode.

*fingers crossed for momentum*

[pabotofus]

A Long and Screamy Rant

So this is a rant dedicated to @apvrrish's fic (aknightley on AO3) 'calling me to come back', a gem of a fic and a sincerely gorgeous work. (If you haven't read it yet, go do it here and now!! Seriously, you won't regret it)

I was originally going to make this only about how I felt, but she writes so well I have to put something about her writing style there

Spoilers for the fic under the cut!!

1. Her worldbuilding

Literally once the fic started, I had such a good idea of what the shop looked like. Even if it may not have matched her mental image, it was so clear in my head (which is extremely rare for me). Apvrrish also does amazing descriptions, and it's like I'm actually living in the moment. It's so awesome!!!

2. Characterization

She nailed it. Completely and actually nailed it; bullseye after bullseye; on point. Shiro and Keith's relationship, later on Keith and Lance's relationship, Pidge (idk why I really liked the mental image of Pidge with a bun. I just did) staying up really late to help Keith, the way pIDGE CAN USE HER MAGIC THROUGH ELECTRONICS HDKCKSKCKFD

3. Lotor and Honerva/Hagar

Honestly, I was going to make this a side note on characterization, but this is so good it deserves its own topic. Honerva is so extra and I love it? I mean obviously it's not cool that she literally tried to kill Lance so that Lotor could go to a school. But that is something that she would totally do, and I can't really express my love for the all of this.

I also love the way aknightley wrote (or rather, mentioned) Lotor. Here's a beautiful beautiful quote: "Lotor was evidently interested in genetic science, something that Alfor specialized in, but Alfor was also specialized in avoiding people he didn’t care for, something Keith found enviable."

So maybe that quote doesn't focus on Lotor specifically, but it's such a GOOD SENTENCE. It wasn't the type of funny that would make me burst out into laughter, but the kind of brilliant genius that made me stare at my laptop screen and re-read that sentence five times, because it's that good.

4. While we're on this topic, QUOTES.

"Scrolling to a number that’s only labeled with a small bird emoji and a poop emoji, he texts, Can you do some research for me?" It isn't really the quote itself that I liked, per se, but the idea that Pidge's contact name is a bird and a poop emoji. That is perfect?? And I love it so much???

“Am I wrong, Sunshine?” Lance asks, tilting his head and smiling slyly." Lance calls Keith Sunshine. LANCE CALLS KEITH SUNSHINE OH MY GOD I CANT??? !!!!!!!

"You don’t need it to look pretty, Keith thinks, unbidden." Do I even need to explain here? Seriously, look me in the eye and ask my why I love this quote so much, I dare you. KEITH ADMIRING LANCE'S BEAUTY IS MY GODDAMN JAM

"“Sure, kiddo,” Shiro says, taking a sip of coffee with raised eyebrows." This. THIS!! The amount of pure goodness in this line is enough to make me cry. Shiro knows. Shiro knows!!!

"“Besides the obvious reasons,” Shiro says, raising his eyebrows. Keith gives in to pettiness and uses his magic to fling the pieces of cereal still on the counter at his face, grinning when they nail him directly in the nose." THIS IS THE GOOD BROGANES CONTENT THAT I LIVE FOR DID YOU KNOW??? Again, with characterization,, such perfection.

"“A customer,” Pidge says, doing air quotes. “A customer you dream about and who makes you go super smiley when he calls you on the phone.”" PIDGE KNOWS. SHIRO KNOWS. THEY ALL KNOW AND STILL KEITH REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. A GOOD TROPE. I VERY MUCH APPROVE.

"“So I guess I should -- um -- take this off?” He pulls lightly at the material over his chest and Keith feels his own face heat up." FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NO, I DONT ACCEPT OTHER ANSWERS. THIS IS LAW.

"Lance leaned in close so he can peer into Keith’s face.

Across the room, a cedar branch catches fire." AGAIN. FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NEED THERE BE ANY MORE PROOF? (Also, I hope all these quotes convey the immense love I have for aknightley and her writing)

“I’m going to have to buy her something very sparkly,” Keith murmurs to himself, smiling at the little heart she’s drawn next to her name.

Just,, sparkles!! ✨✨give Allura all the sparkly things 2Kforever please and thank you :)

“I’m good, Sunshine,” Lance says, stretching a little. “In fact, I kind of feel lucky right now.”

OHHHHHH BOY. THIS IS THE CLICHE BUT WONDERFUL TYPE OF THING THAT A HERO GENERALLY SAYS BEFORE THE BIG SHOWDOWN AND I LOVE IT A LOT??? ITS BEAUTIFULLLLLLL GIVE ME EVERY AND ALL THE CLICHE TROPES

5. Keith taking off his protections so that he could talk with Lance in his dreams

I'm probably reading way too much into this, but Keith literally let Lance inside all of his defenses. This is his how much he likes Lance. He stripped down all his protection that he's had for like, forever and let himself be vulnerable ALL FOR LANCE. I CANNOT BELIEVE,, THE SHEER EMOTION AND TRUST SHOWN IN THIS SCENE,,, UGH MY HEART

6. Similarly, the garden scene

This is Keith's private place. This is where he goes to remember his parents, and he let Lance come with him. Again, probably reading way to much into this, but Keith is actually letting Lance in? I mean it's never stated explicitly in the fic but I don't think Keith really goes around sharing the garden with people... wHICH MAKES THIS SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL HDJCKDKSKC I WAS LITERALLY CLUTCHING MY CHEST I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS

7. Keith giving Lance his mom's jacket

Keith didn't even let Shiro, his own brother, keep some of his parents' books from him. Granted, it was a different situation, but still. Keith is incredibly protective of anything and everything related to his parents, so the fact that he let Lance wear and KEEP his mom's jacket?? Is like the equivalent of other people literally ripping out their heart for someone else. The Klance here is absolutely wonderful.

8. The 'fuck your emotions' scene

WELL DAMN, APVRRISH, FUCK WITH MY EMOTIONS WONT YOU?? THEYRE BOTH SO GODDAMN SELF SACRIFICIAL??? LIKE LANCE I GET IT YOU LOVE HIM AND DONT WANT HIM TO GET HURT BUT DONT PUSH HIM AWAY LIKE THIS PLEASE,, ON ONE HAND THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH LANCE CARES FOR KEITH AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND 'FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS' LANCE QUOTES LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL... stop taking both mine and Keith's hearts and stomping them into bits you HEARTBREAKER

9. "The bell, when it rings above Lance's head, still cruelly sounds like laughter."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. CATCH ME SCREAMING INTO THE VOID BECAUSE DAMNNNNNNNN. THE HOLY UNION OF BEAUTIFUL WRITING AND ALL OF THE FEELS IN THE WORLD. My eyes do not deserve to see the glory that is this sentence,, I had to give it a separate topic from Quotes because it was just. So good,,, Even now I feel like I'm not doing it justice, but it's so MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME that I just can't. 👏🏻👏🏻 you did good, apvrrish.

10. Keith realizing he loves Lance

Need I say any more? Literally ALL I could dare to ask for. It's beautiful and I love it a lot. I also like how you didn't make it this big panicky moment for Keith, because honestly? Finding out that you're in love with someone isn't supposed to be all 'oH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO THIS IS BAD'. If realizing that you're in love with someone is bad, well, why are you in love with that person in the first place?

I kinda went off on a tangent there but anyways!! My main point- I really REALLY liked you portrayal of this scene and the way you wrote it. *swallows down the screams of the damned my emotional heart*

11. The dandelion

They're soul bound. They're soul bound, and Keith used a love spell thingy to track down Lance because he loves him and holy hell they're SOUL BOUND. I mean, the whole soulmate thing is low key overdone, not just in this fandom but everywhere. Yet apvrrish manages to put her own unique spin on the whole thing, incorporating magic and the idea of 'marriage bonds', which is really unique.

12. The idea of modern magic

Okay so I've been trying to go in chronological order but as I keep reading I just find this world so so cool. Most times there's a magical AU, the characters are somehow in the past, or it's a different world. But this, this is a combination of modern tech and somehow also these awesome magical abilities. There are potions with real life ingredients (certain types of wood, flowers, stones or minerals, etc.) and for realistic purposes. This is so realistic that I can actually imagine it happening, which is GREAT because it shows just how good of a writer that apvrrish is, but at the same time, makes me wish so so hard that I could be part of this world. Modern magic,, hdjckskc stab me in the heart with everything I've ever wanted, won't you?

13. “True love or some shit, I think,” Lance says cheerfully, and waves his hand.

Another quote too good for the Quotes section. He says this so nonchalantly?? It fits Lance's character SO WELL and so was really funny (idrk why it just made me smile a lot). Also, they're in LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

14. Red!!

Beautiful cat child is cute and deserves all the love. I ADORE witch familiars, and Red helping Keith out with the exorcism thing was really pleasing to read. Also,, Red and Lance interactions. The pLaYFuL bAnTEr between Keith and Lance. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this so muchhhh

15. The ending

tHE ENDING, OH MY GOD THE ENDING. THEY LITERALLY RODE INTO THE SUNSET ON A MOTORCYCLE. IM CRYING ITS SO CLICHE BUT BEAUTIFUL??? ME, SOBBING? ITS MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK BECAUSE THIS IS A GORGEOUS CONCLUSION.

Also! "“Why not?” he says quietly, leaning back against Lance’s chest. “We’ve got time.”"

That. THAT. I've already said this in a comment on the fic itself, but this is so good it needs to be said again. This entire story has kind of a recurring theme of how Keith doesn't have enough time with his loved ones (his parents and Lance because of the curse). But now that he broke the curse, he finally had time to be all cutesy and happy with Lance because they have time. Lance is no longer in danger of dying, and so they can take the long way and enjoy life just because now, they can. Catch me screaming into the void again because THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

A last note- I found a song that kinda fits for this fic. The lyrics match the best, but in general the song is also super pretty!! So if you have time give it a listen because it's,, so good (jUST LIKE THIS FIC).

I still feel like all this ranting isn't enough to do this work of art and perfection justice, but anyways!! Apvrrish, continue being the awesomely amazing writer you are.

~Paladin

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

High school au: sassy gay cas and jock dean

This turned into nerd!Cas more than anything, but I hope you still like it! (also on ao3!)

If the text had come from virtually anyone else, Dean would have immediately thought it was a come-on.

But seeing as it was from none other than Cas, the potentially suggestive statement was mollified into a matter of fact announcement. My siblings will all be out of the house this afternoon. You can come by around four o'clock.

Even knowing who it was from and the exact intent behind the words, Dean couldn't help but let his mind wander to the more provocative side of the message. He was a horny bisexual teenager for God's sake, who could blame him?

Especially since Cas was practically the epitome of sex. He had the dark, tousled hair of someone who had just been thoroughly fucked, the kind of perpetual five o'clock shadow that called to mind some kind of male model.

His eyes, big and bright and impossibly blue, would piercing and analytical. Dean wondered what they would look like when softened by pleasure, the light irises overtaken by his dilated pupils.

His lips were obscenely pink, plump and perfect and unbelievably enticing. They looked slightly chapped, constantly making Dean wonder if they would be rough if he kissed them. Among other things.

Essentially, Cas was like an angel come to Earth, gorgeous and ethereal and hot like burning. The only problem with that was that Cas actually acted like a little angel.

While Dean was a jock in every sense save for the stereotypical stupidity, captain of the football team and a proud grease monkey on the weekends, Cas was the embodiment of a nerd.

He was valedictorian of their class to the surprise of absolutely no one, not even people who deemed themselves too cool to care about class rankings. Dean wasn't sure what exactly Cas' GPA was but he had suspicions that it was near 5.0, if not surpassing it.

Needless to say, Cas was ridiculously smart. Mind-blowingly. Astonishingly. Sometimes overwhelmingly.

He knew about everything from ancient theological theories about the Bible to the most recent breakthroughs in the realm of astrophysics. And boy could he talk about anything and everything in between.

While usually soft-spoken and awkwardly taciturn, enough for people to have mistakenly presumed that he was mute, Cas could talk for hours on end. He just needed someone to spark the conversation.

That was part of the reason why the poor guy had a reputation for being painfully awkward. Of course, it was true and half the time Cas seemed a zebra amongst horses but it still provided fodder for all kinds of nasty rumors.

His heavy involvement in a whole score of school-sponsored clubs deemed nerdy by his peers didn't help, either. In true nerd form, Cas was on the debate team, chess team, and the quiz bowl team.

Hell, Cas even dressed like a nerd. He may not have worn glasses but he constantly showed up to school in button-ups and slacks and shined shoes. He was even known to wear a tie occasionally, sweater vests too.

But none of that mattered to Dean. Well, it did, but it took a backseat to the more important fact that Cas was amazing and Dean had it bad for him.

Which is why, when he received the perfectly innocent text from the dorky little guy, his mind took the expressway straight to a daydream full of depravity and wistful lust. His head immediately filled with all kinds of ideas about what two people could do in a big, empty house.

And not one of those things he imagined had anything to do with studying or tutoring. The latter of which was the only reason Cas was inviting him over in the first place.

While Dean was usually a rather good student himself — he was smart despite what many people expected from him, more than a pretty face who could play football ― he had wound up falling a little behind in English. He had been too busy practicing for the big homecoming game to study for his first big English exam of the school year.

In his defense, football might get him a scholarship that would actually let him go to college while knowing just what exactly Hamlet's tragic flaw was wouldn't. (It was his  inability to act, Cas had informed him.)

Because his grades had started to slip, his uncle Bobby had inquired with the school about getting Dean a tutor. Dean's English teacher had been all too happy to comply, immediately looking into the available student tutors.

Dean had dreaded it, at first. He had been sure that he was going to wind up with some asshole who treated him like dirt just because he wasn't in all honors classes.

But instead, he had been paired up with Cas.

Cas, who was patient and never faulted Dean for occasionally struggling with some of the more difficult aspects of their English curriculum. Cas, who was sweet and quiet and listened to Dean's stories about football despite admitting that he didn't care for sports.

Cas, who somehow managed to make boring plays and mind-numbing poems more interesting than the most recent storylines on Dr. Sexy. Cas, who took time out of his own day to help Dean with his projects even though the school only required him to tutor Dean eight hours a week.

Cas, who shared Dean's secret love of Star Wars and Vonnegut, who vehemently agreed with Dean that Batman was most certainly a superhero. Cas, whose smile had quickly become the most beautiful thing that Dean had ever seen.

Cas, who Dean had completely fallen for.

Which is why Dean had been unexpectedly ecstatic when his English teacher announced that they were adding a project to the curriculum. Because that meant he had another reason to see Cas.

He had already decided on the topic and, with the help from his buddy Charlie, the most computer savvy person he knew, he had already finished the presentation portion.  He just needed to finish the actual paper which gave him the perfect excuse to ask Cas for help.

He had messaged Cas about needing someone to proofread his paper and had, in turn, received Cas' unintentionally innuendo-laden reply.

He had a few hours to kill before four o'clock rolled around, giving him enough time to get some things in order before heading over to Cas' place.

He threw together a couple burgers for lunch, calling Sam down from his room before the little nerd got too engrossed in studying to remember to eat. It was a little disturbing just how similar Cas and Sam were.

Speaking of his tutor, Dean informed his little brother that he would be stopping by Cas' to work on his English problem. With their dad out of town, Dean wasn't too keen on leaving Sam home alone, claiming he would drop Sam off at Bobby's heading to Cas'.

Sam hadn't raised any complaints. He would probably have a blast at Bobby's where he could read all the books in their uncle's makeshift library.

So, after finishing lunch and making sure Sam had everything he would need to spend a few hours at Bobby's, Dean hopped in the shower. He scrubbed off all the dirt and grime from his day, making sure he used the fancy shampoo that Cas had offhandedly mentioned was his favorite.

After drying off, Dean had thrown on some faded jeans and a black t-shirt. And, because he may or may not have had a bit of a kink for the whole jock/nerd thing, he decided to throw on his varsity jacket.

Sam had rolled his eyes at him as they loaded into the Impala, muttering something under his breath about Dean being a horndog. Dean had gotten him back by teasing Sam about the cute new girl in his history class, Jess.

It was a short drive to Bobby's place, the salvage yard only a few blocks away from their house. Bobby and Ellen were there to greet them, Bobby busy working on the engine of his Chevelle.

After promising to pick Sam up before seven and complimenting Ellen's new haircut, Dean started towards Cas' house on the other side of town. It was nestled on the outskirts of the richie rich part of town where assholes like Dick Roman and Crowley lived.

A huge white colonial, the house was big enough to accommodate Cas' scores of siblings and then some. There was a willow tree in the spacious backyard by a wooden bench, a swing hanging from one of the thicker branches.

The street in front of the house was clear, Cas' siblings' cars gone as he had implied they would be. The only vehicle in sight was Cas' ridiculous pimpmobile that was parked in the driveway.

Dean rolled his eyes as he parked in front of the house, putting his baby in park. Grabbing his bookbag and pocketing his keys, Dean climbed out of the Impala and jogged up the stone walkway to the front door.

"Give me a moment, please!" Cas called when Dean knocked on the door, sounding a little flustered. It was kind of adorable. And by kind of, he meant it was beyond adorable and he was seconds away from swooning like a nurse on Dr. Sexy.

When Cas opened the door a minute later, he looked flustered, too. His hair was mussed and his cheeks were slightly flushed, tinged a light shade of pink.

Like the nerd he was, he was wearing a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a light gray and blue argyle sweater vest. It was Saturday and he looked runway ready. Fucking typical.

He greeted Dean with a polite smile, moving aside to let him into the foyer. Closing the door behind him, Cas asked, "You need me to proofread your paper, yes?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind," Dean confirmed, following Cas into the living room where they usually studied. The TV was on, the opening credits of some nature documentary about bees playing.

"It's no problem at all," Cas assured him, taking a seat on the couch. He gestured for Dean to do the same as he grabbed the remote from the coffee table. Handing it to Dean, he explained, "Feel free to watch something while I read through your paper."

"No problem, man," Dean replied, already digging through his bag for the rough draft of his paper. He presented it to Cas with a bright smile, disproportionately proud of it.

Pulling a red pen out of his pocket, Cas leaned back against a gray throw pillow, taking the essay from Dean's hands. Crossing his legs, he started reading, absentmindedly chewing on the end of the pen.

Just as absentmindedly, Dean flicked through the channels without even glancing at the screen. His attention was fixated on Cas, from the curve of his slightly stubbled jaw to the soft blue of his pretty eyes.

That was usually how their study sessions went. Cas would look over Dean's work, eyes peeled for any glaring mistakes, while Dean gazed at him dreamily.

Yes, it was pathetic and yes, it was a cliche, but that was the way it was. And it wasn't going to end anytime soon. Especially not if Cas continued to look that freaking good in a sweater vest.

Cas hummed occasionally, nodding his head as he squinted down at the paper, not for the first time making Dean wonder if he needed glasses. He circled a few things with his red pen, probably tiny grammatical errors that would get Dean a few points deducted.

Dean kept staring at him, captivated by every little thing about him. The way he chewed on the end of the pen, the way he smiled softly while reading through Dean's paper, the way he absently swung his foot back and forth in the air.

He was yanked out of his reverie when Cas cleared his throat.

"This is very good, Dean," he announced, flashing Dean a bright smile. Recapping the pen, he tucked it behind his ear and continued, "You make some very good points about Shakespeare. There are a few grammatical errors but they can easily be remedied."

"Yeah?" Dean asked, rubbing the back of his neck. There was something about being the sole focus of Cas' bright blue gaze that never failed to make him flustered.

"Yes," Cas confirmed, nodding enthusiastically. "I don't think you needed me to look over it all. I suppose you no longer need me to tutor you."

"We can still hang out though, right?" Dean squeaked, not even caring how desperate and pathetic he probably sounded.

Cas blinked in surprise, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. He looked adorably confused as he announced, "Of course. But I'm surprised that you want to."

"What? Why?" Dean questioned, tipping his head to the side, a mimicry of Cas' habit.

It was Cas' turn to get flustered, his eyes widening as his cheeks flushed. He turned his head, lowering his eyes to the coffee table that was suddenly fascinating. Scratching his neck, he explained, "Because I'm me and you're you."

"Uh, yeah. That's kinda how life works, dude," Dean replied, beyond baffled.

Cas rolled his eyes before meeting Dean's gaze again. With a self-deprecating laugh, he clarified, "You're a quarterback, Dean. A jock. A 'cool kid'―" Dean tried not to laugh at Cas' air quotes "―I'm just a nerd. A weirdo."

"You're a lot more than that, Cas," Dean argued, feeling rather indignant on Cas' behalf. Someone had to be.

"Then what am I?" Cas inquired with a beleaguered sigh. He looked and sounded exasperated, resigned to his fate.

Sounding more confident than he felt, Dean puffed out his chest and boldly declared, "Well, if you want, you could be my boyfriend."

The result of Dean's words was instantaneous. Cas' jaw actually dropped, his face flushing a deep red. His voice was barely audible as he shakily warbled, "Really?"

"Of course, dude," Dean said, beaming widely. He shifted his hand to lay it over Cas', giving a reassuring squeeze.

As Cas leaned in to shyly peck Dean on the cheek, sweet and chaste and ridiculously nerdy, Dean resolved to send Bobby some flowers.

[bulletforged]

the ultimate relantionship tag I want to know all the answers to sex for Chris and Melissa!!!!

okay others asked for mcargent for all the categories so since i can tag the others, i’m answering them all on yours and just gonna tag @littlewxtch + chozenrogue (i can’t @ you for some reason) so they see it here.

SEND ✩ + A SHIP // ACCEPTING.

DISAGREEMENTS:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? I think they both would, but Chris is probably more likely to back down and just try to avoid the argument. He’s very much a ‘sigh, give in and do as he’s told while sulking about it’ kinda guy when he’s in a relationship.Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Chris would never threaten to leave and tbh I’m not sure Melissa would either. Neither of them seem like the type to just quit or play emotional games.Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Come on neither of them is gonna leave. Chris will only go if she tells him to and is sure about it, and he’d never expect Melissa to leave. If she wants him gone, he’s gone, but the house is hers.Who trashes the house? Chris has a habit of taking it out on inanimate objects when he’s mad so he might throw some things or kick things or like punch a wall or something, but he’ll calm down instantly once he’s let that burst of anger out. And he’ll immediately start tidying up the mess because he’s not an idiot and he knows he’ll get in trouble. :’)Do either of them get physical? She might slap him I guess but they’d never get physical to the point of actually hurting each other. He’d certainly never raise a hand to her.How often do they argue/disagree? I think they’d bicker a lot about little things like differences in opinion but as for real arguments and real disagreements with all the tension… I don’t think it’s very often. Although Chris’ whole history and mindset might clash with her a lot. She certainly wouldn’t agree with how willing he is to ‘do what’s necessary’ i.e. harm, incapacitate or kill an opponent. I think that’d be their major clashing point – he’s a killer and he’s damn good at it. He’s a hunter. He might be all about protecting people but he can’t erase his past and he can’t just erase his instincts when he’s in a fight/on a hunt – if a creature needs to be put down, he’ll do it. They’d probably also disagree about money cause he’d wanna just pay everything to make it easier, but I think she’s too proud to accept that much help, so… it’d be a recurring discussion.Who is the first to apologise? I can see them both giving in and just apologising together unless she’s mad at him for something he did in which case he’ll be apologising a lot. He doesn’t like to stay mad at someone he loves.

SEX:

Who is on top? Chris is so weak for a woman on top but he also likes being on top himself, all dominant and powerful and getting lost in the moment, so it’d be a healthy mix of both.Who is on the bottom? Again, a mix.Who has the strangest desires? I don’t know that either of them have ‘strange’ desires? I guess Chris since he’s the one who’s into all the kinks…Any kinks? Chris has a lot of kinks but nothing too weird. Melissa… I think she could get into some of them. I mean he’ll certainly try to very subtly and slowly introduce her to the idea of some, especially her being dominant and maybe they work in some rope use or something and some dirty talk idk he has a lot of interests and he’s not quite sure how to bring those up so he’ll just hope for the best.Who’s dominant in bed? Both lbr. It’ll be ‘in the moment’. Sometimes Chris just gets into a really dominant, kinda dark mood and would want full control and would probably initiate things but he also loves being bossed around by a beautiful woman so Melissa’s always free to take the reins, so to speak.Is head ever in the equation? He certainly hopes so. Both giving and receiving.If so, who is better at performing it? I feel like Melissa’s one of those women who’s mind-blowingly good at it (and yes I just laughed at ‘blowing’) and he’s probably gonna be pleasantly surprised the first time she does it and probably gonna want it a lot but he’s also too polite to ask. He’s more of a giver tbh. He’ll give willingly. I’d say he’s also rather talented so she can enjoy that.Ever had sex in public? I mean we have a thread where they’re fucking in the hospital so yep that’s a solid yes.Who moans the most? He makes it his own personal goal to get as much noise out of her as possible but he’s not quiet either and lbr if she’s taking control or going down on him he’s gonna 1000% be her bitch.Who leaves the most marks? Lbr they’re both lowkey possessive af so they’d both be covered in marks after one round of sex.Who screams the loudest? Chris doesn’t scream tyvm he makes v manly sounds like growling and … grunting? Anyway point is Melissa screams tbh it’s like his personal target every time they have sex.Who is the more experienced of the two? If we’re talking number of partners, it’s probably Melissa. Chris has basically been with his wife. And that’s it. Until Melissa. He’s not inexperienced by any means. It’s just that all his experience is with one woman.Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? It’s both tbh. I think if they’re in the right mood, they can definitely fuck, but there’s always gonna be love involved so there’ll always be that aspect of tenderness and consideration for each other.Rough or soft? Again, both. Chris loves a little rough kinky sex every so often but he also love being soft and gentle and just totally loving on her and taking his time.How long do they usually last? Depends what kinda sex they’re having. Chris can last a long time cause… used to playing around with orgasm denial/self-control. >.> So… yeah he can go a while. But also I have a lowkey hc about tantric sex because he needs/loves the intimacy of it so who knows.Is protection used? Lmao no. I think there might eventually be consequences of that and Chris might be murdered for not using a condom like a grown ass man… So watch this space.Does it ever get boring? I doubt it, but it’d get more comfortable as they learn about each other and figure out boundaries, but comfort isn’t a bad thing. It won’t be boring.Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? See now I’m just wondering whether they’d be desperate/mischievous enough to fuck in the morgue. I wanna hope not but I also at this point wouldn’t be surprised… jfc.

FAMILY:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? They both have their own precious babies Scott and Allison and like a million kids they’ve adopted between them. As for having a child together… granted they’re limited on time but they definitely still have a good few years to try if they want to. I think if they have a kid it’s gonna be an accident though. And only in aus where Allison is alive. Chris doesn’t need that pain. Or does he. >.>If so, how many children do your muses want/have? Chris wants an army of children. For real just give him all the babies cause he loves being a father so much. Idk about Melissa but I can’t imagine she’d be too impressed by him wanting an army.Who is the favorite parent? Chris wants to be the cool dad but the reality is that they probably all prefer Melissa cause as cool as he is, he’s also kinda a dick.Who is the authoritative parent? I mean Chris is strict and overprotective and would clash with the kids a lot but I think they’d all ignore him (Allison Argent what’s good) and it’d be Melissa that they don’t fuck with. Melissa’s word is definitely final. Chris just likes to shout and feel important.Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Chris probably.Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? I don’t think they’d have to wait for the other to not be around because they’d both do it. And probably join in. Because sweets and junk food are the best kinds of food.Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Both come on.Who goes to parent teacher interviews? Both.Who changes the diapers? Both.Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? They’d probably both get up but Chris doesn’t sleep much anyway so he’d just kiss her and tell her to go back to sleep and take care of it himself. Plus it’s like extra sneaky cuddle time with the baby and he always wants extra cuddle time so… win/win.Who spends the most time with the children? They both do lbr. They’re both amazing parents.Who packs their lunch boxes? Probably Melissa cause they’d at least get a full, proper lunch. Chris would fill it with sweets and forget the damn sandwich.Who gives their children ‘the talk’? … My muse legit just shouted ‘nOT ME.’ Sorry Melissa it’s on you.Who cleans up after the kids? I think they both help out and share the load.Who worries the most? Both. They worry together.Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Melissa.

AFFECTION:

Who likes to cuddle? Both.Who is the little spoon? Melissa usually.Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? It really depends on their mood, I think. Melissa’s probably more forward in public than him.Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves? Both. Especially if someone’s flirting with the other. They’ll both get jealous and territorial.How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Hours and hours and hours and hours lbr neither of them is getting uncomfortable cause they both need the cuddles.Who gives the most kisses? They both would but again, Melissa’s probably more forward/comfortable in public especially at first, so things like giving him a casual kiss when he brings her lunch or coffee at work – she’s more likely to do that. And he’ll just smile and get a little shy but look at her with major hearteyes.What is their favourite non-sexual activity? It’s probably just food. Or hanging out with their kids. Or eating food with their kids. That’s the best.Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Anywhere’s good for a cuddle but probably in bed or on the couch.Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? Probably Melissa, but if you get Chris into the right playful mood, he’ll be an absolute little shit.How often do they get time to themselves? I think they try to find time to themselves but the kids come first. Luckily the kids are going to college. :)

SLEEPING:

Who snores? Chris is a quiet sleeper (with a little mumbling/some nightmares but still). I don’t know if Melissa snores. Maybe just when she’s literally exhausted from work and just passes out, but he’d think it’s cute.If both do, who snores the loudest? I don’t think either of them would snore loud.Do they share a bed or sleep separately? Share a bed obviously. They’d hate sleeping apart.If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Listen if Chris Argent is sharing a bed with you, you better believe he’ll wrap himself around you like a damn koala or legit just pass out right on top of you. He likes cuddles and affection and knowing someone is safe there in his arms so he’s not gonna let her go all night. They cozy up together.Who talks in their sleep? Chris might mumble if he’s having a nightmare.What do they wear to bed? Depends. Chris likes wearing nothing and he’d like it a hell of a lot more if she’s naked too. Even just for being intimate. That skin-on-skin contact is nice. If they have to wear something though, he’ll just throw some boxers or pj bottoms/sweatpants on, but he won’t really be comfortable. And we already know she has pjs.Are either of your muses insomniacs? Chris kinda is but it’s cause he’s just used to being up at random hours in the night to go out hunting and he’s used to going a day or two without sleep while they’re out. He’s very likely to not sleep and eventually just pass out for like 12 hours.Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? They probably have some but I don’t know that they’d use them all the time. Chris personally would rather just stay away and hold her all night and just be comfortable. That or he’ll sneak off to read something.Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Totally tangled together lbr. All the cuddles.Who wakes up with bed hair? Chris would be cute with messy bed hair. :’) Melissa wakes up fabulous lbr but she’s probably more likely to have bed hair.Who wakes up first? Chris likes to wake up to make her coffee and breakfast but if he’s exhausted, she’ll be up and doing stuff long before he is.Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? ^^^ Chris loves to. And he’ll just steal things from her plate.What is their favourite sleeping position? Cuddles. Preferably naked.Who hogs the sheets? Chris will sleep without them if needs be so Melissa can hog them all she wants.Do they set an alarm each night? She has to for work some mornings. He’s just used to waking up naturally pretty early.Can a television be found in their bedroom? Eventually, yes. I don’t think she has one before but he’d buy one for her. I doubt they use it though.Who has nightmares? Chris definitely does. Melissa probably does as well after all the shit they’ve both seen and been through.Who has ridiculous dreams? Probably Melissa. If she ever mumbles about them, he’d enjoy hearing all the weird ridiculous things she’s talking about.Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? If Chris is exhausted enough, he will, but I think Melissa is more likely to.Who makes the bed? Probably Melissa by habit but he would too if it wasn’t done.What time is bed time? Whenever they decide to go up to bed.Any routines/rituals before bed? Chris voice: sex pls. Nah idk I think they like to just chill on the couch for a few hours and cuddle and watch TV and just enjoy the quiet time until they’re tired enough to go sleep. I don’t think there are many rituals, although Chris has a habit of going to check on Allison in the middle of the night to make sure she’s still breathing.Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Probably depends on the circumstances of being woken up. I think Melissa would be pretty grumpy before she gets her coffee, but he’d always try to be ready with one. :’)

WORK:

Who is the busiest? Melissa.Who rakes in the highest income? Technically Chris but he’s rich af anyway.Are any of your muses unemployed? Chris sorta does freelance stuff now and just oversees company stuff but not a whole lot of actual work so… maybe.Who takes the most sick days? Neither.Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Neither.Who sucks up to their boss? Chris is his own boss. Melissa basically runs the hospital soooo neither.What are their jobs? Melissa is a nurse. Chris runs a private security company and oversees the Argent Arms business, so he’s still a ‘highly respected private security consultant and federally licensed firearms dealer’ >.> *cough*Who stresses the most? Melissa but mostly about money and stuff. I don’t think she’d like him to just pay everything off. They’d be a partnership but he’d always be ready to take the pressure off. He just respects her and her profession/skills too much to ever expect her to quit or take it easy, but she’d have that option if she chooses to.Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Chris is just used to his. I think Melissa enjoys hers even if it’s hectic.Are your muses financially stable? Melissa isn’t but Chris would stabilise the McCalls with his wealth so yes, technically they are. He’d definitely make it a lot easier for them and they’d be able to actually have nice things and live better.

HOME:

Who does the washing? Whoever’s at home although… she’s probably better off not letting Chris do it cause he’ll probably shrink things.Who takes out the trash? Proud Chris voice: I can do that! ^-^Who does the ironing? Again Melissa’s probably better off doing it.Who does the cooking? They’ll cook together.Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? They’ve both been single parents so they can both manage.Who is messier? Weirdly I think Melissa but I don’t think either of them are insanely messy.Who leaves the toilet roll empty? … Probably Chris. Sorry Melissa.Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? If they’re really tired it could be either. If they’re having sex, they’re also not gonna be picking clothes up the second they’ve finished. I feel like sometimes Melissa might come home from a double shift and just kinda strip off and fall into bed so it’s probably mostly her but he won’t mind. He’ll just kiss her and tuck her in and pick everything up.Who forgets to flush the toilet? I don’t think either of them would.Who is the prankster around the house? Probably neither but I think she’d screw with him a little so she can tease him after.Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Chris but they’re probably right there and Melissa’s just standing there eye rolling waiting for him to open his fucking eyes.Who mows the lawn? Chris’ll do it but she’s not incapable.Who answers the telephone? Whoever’s there when it rings.Who does the vacuuming? Whoever’s home to do it.Who does the groceries? Either of them. Probably together quite often but he’ll do it when she’s at work so it’s one less thing she has to find time for. He’s a good husband.Who takes the longest to shower? They can just shower together it’s cool.Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Probably Melissa by default. Chris takes care of himself and keeps up with personal grooming but it doesn’t take long for him.

MISC:

Is money a problem? Nope.How many cars do they own? Well he owns a fleet tbh but they actively use two.Do they own their home or do they rent? Chris would want them to own a home so that’d be an inevitability in time.Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? …Countryside??Do they live in the city or in the country? Beacon Hills is a town right? They live in Beacon Hills.Do they enjoy their surroundings? Chris hates Beacon Hills but it’s a nice enough town I guess.What’s their song? Not sure. He’s not really the type to have ‘a song’ with someone.What do they do when they’re away from each other? Probably just keep in touch via text/calls and get on with their own shit. Neither of them are overly clingy, as much as they love each other. They’re capable of functioning on their own too.Where did they first meet? In canon, outside the school, although it was implied they kinda knew each other (until season 3 when canon changed its mind).How did they first meet? When Scott and Allison skipped school and they started arguing outside parent-teacher night when Chris accused Scott of kidnap. Sorry Melissa.Who spends the most money when out shopping? Chris doesn’t really have any notion of ‘budgets’ tbh cause he’s never had to worry so he’ll just buy whatever they want.Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Well they’d only ‘flash their assets’ for each other.Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Lbr it’d be Chris tripping over and Melissa would be doubled over laughing at him for being an idiot. And he’d probably never hear the end of it. If Melissa trips over he just finds it endearing but he won’t mock.Any mental issues? Chris for sure but it’s hard to categorise. He just needs a lot of support and patience when it comes to stuff like emotions and being open and not just compartmentalising. He’s been through a lot and lived through abuse and manipulation and conditioning so she’ll just need to be kinda gentle with him for a while. He also has some other underlying issues but I’m not going into a whole analysis rn.Who’s terrified of bugs? Idk they fight werewolves so it’d be weird if either of them are scared of a little bug.Who kills the spiders around the house? I feel like they’d just catch the and put them outside.Their favourite place? Anywhere they’re together but I think the woods are special to them cause it’s kinda where they fell in love. :’)Who pays the bills? 50/50 split as often as possible tbh.Do they have any fears for their future? There’s always the fear of not surviving a battle but they just stick together and keep moving forward.Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? I think they’d both be just as likely to do it, but he’d probably have more opportunities with her being at work and him mostly working his own hours/from home.Who uses up all of the hot water? They’ll use it together so it doesn’t matter.Who’s the tallest? Chris.Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? If they’re not already showering together, it could be either. They might not have sex but it’s just nice time to hold each other and enjoy the intimacy. Also applies to baths.Who wanders around in their underwear? Chris mostly goes commando but he has a habit of just pulling his jeans on and walking around in just his jeans. Melissa would probably walk around in underwear/his shirts if the kids aren’t home.Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Chris gets pretty into singing in the car with Allison so it could be either. He’d get into it with Melissa too once he’s more comfortable with her and stops being awkward.What do they tease each other about? She’ll tease him about everything probably cause he’s weird and a total nerd. I’m not sure what he’d tease her about.Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? They both have pretty good fashion sense so neither.Do they have mutual friends? Noah Stilinski and Natalie Martin for sure. Also Parrish. Maybe Derek. I think they’d get along well with Henry Tate if he didn’t disappear in canon. Also maybe the Yukimuras but I think after the Oni thing, Chris is a little cold with them – polite and pleasant but not friends. Melissa definitely has more friends than him.Who crushed first? Chris has been curious about her/enticed by her for a long time but she probably decided he was hot when they first met. Just also a total dick. :’)Any alcohol or substance related problems? Nah not really. Chris will have a habit of knocking back drinks without counting and figuring out that he’s drunk when he tries to stand up, but he doesn’t have any sort of addiction.Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Chris probably but Melissa is more likely to go out cause she has friends and he just has Noah and Parrish.Who swears the most? Chris doesn’t really swear so Melissa.

[willstilladoreyou]

1. Elevator

True events reimagined.

No elevator Will take you to the top of whatever you think up and down is

I make a pact with myself. “Even if none of them are actually staying at the hotel, I will still have a great time. I am creating a fairytale for myself - for myself for a change”. 

Still, justifying a flagrant expense does not come particularly easy. On the way to the hotel, I triple-check for any evidence of my transparent passion, but it seems like all signs of the concert have been carefully hidden - apart from the mad pumping of adrenaline that’s going through every tiny capillary.

Do I look respectable enough? My suitcase is orange and slightly battered, graced by a space panda sticker; the guitar case is elephantine in comparison to the travel guitar it holds, but my coat is flawless, and my shoes are cool - and those cheekbones tell a tale of elegance even in the weirdest of circumstances.

It’s after midnight, and it’s a quick ride; London gently gleams under a young crescent moon.

As we pull up in front of the gorgeously festive entrance, I notice a familiar figure standing outside - Samuel Bañuelos III, smoking. My heart simultaneously falls and soars. The tour manager is always a good sign.

Get out of the cab, as gracefully as you can (note to self: keep trying) Do I have everything: guitar on one shoulder, a bag on the other and the suitcase. Make your way in Smile calmly, as if it’s all part of a routine Don’t let them know you’re an impostor (note to self: what?!)

Elevator. Historic elevator. Quite an old elevator. A pretty slow elevator. A madame in pearls, waiting. “Oh, coming in late, dear?” “It’s been a long day.” “Well you are sure to get some good rest here.” I wonder if she can tell that I’m in the middle of an adventure of a lifetime. Please keep being polite to me, it makes me feel like I can fake being natural superbly well.

Our chat is interrupted by the sound of voices approaching.

“Hey man, why are you coming in so late?” Samuel Bañuelos III appears, followed by none other than the cause of this entire insane campaign, Mister Josh Adam Klinghoffer. A cool jacket, one of many signature hats, a rectangular guitar case. “…Because of all the fffffffucking people” he mutters, with a tired temper. I allow myself a sly little half-smile in his direction.

Perhaps ‘mutters’ is not the right word here, for the madame immediately turns her head and splashes him with a look of sheer condemnation.

Well I feel like an antelope hiding in the bushes. If anyone looks me in the eye, I will be immediately, hopelessly found out. However, I can’t help but notice (thank you, Nature, for the corners of our eyes) Josh instantly going slightly red (probably cursing himself in his mind). Despite being embarrassed, his eyes wander to my guitar case. I guess curiosity is the best cure for embarrassment.

Finally, the marvelous elevator arrives. Inside there is gorgeous gold, a velvet bench, endless mirrors and enough space for three. Madame embarks. “I’m afraid there isn’t enough space here for us all to be transported comfortably. Good night”. There’s definitely place for me there. She pushes the button to close the doors quicker, but hastily pushes the opposite button and spends another 10 painful seconds avoiding looking at us, her brutal offenders.

Finally, the legendary golden doors conceal the madame as she is solemnly taken up.

I look over my shoulder and cast a quick, warm, understanding smirk at my fellow travelers.

“I’m sorry,” says Samuel Bañuelos III. “I’m not,” say I.

He laughs; Josh gently smiles, looking somewhat relieved. His eyes keep moving between two points in space: my guitar and my face. I notice that Samuel Bañuelos III notices it. Seems like he notices that I notice it, too.

Did I mention this luxurious elevator is…slow? Back in its day, it must have been a technical marvel of immense speed, but in 2016 it reminds us of a more elegant era when the perception of time was drastically different.

As we continue our wait, the tour manager/genius 35mm photographer quietly reminds the guitar player of the details of the next day, which can be summed up thusly: just be at the venue by 5.

Josh lets out a series of short, somewhat absent-minded ‘mmmmhm’s and I can feel both of their eyes on me.

Our ornate mode of transportation comes back to the ground floor and opens its shining doors.

I take a step forward, but my suitcase does not follow my lead: one of the wheels decides to take the night off.

“Let me help you with that,” Josh says in a quiet, sweet baritone. “Thank you so much.” I flash him with one of my best smiles.

I enter the lavish little room of elevation, J follows.

Samuel Bańuelos III does not. He’s standing there, failing to hide his smirk. “Might as well take the stairs, much quicker. I’ll see you tomorrow, man! G’night, miss”.

“See you, good night!” I smile. The doors close.

The insane serendipity of the situation flabbergasts me to the point of numbness. The odds of this happening were less than minuscule - and yet here we are. I am in the same elevator as Josh Klinghoffer. It’s just the two of us. He doesn’t seem to mind. I push 5. He asks for 6.

“Well, you are quite the suitcase tamer.” “It’s -,“ he clears his throat, “- it’s one of the few talents that I have mastered over the years.” Smiles are exchanged.

6 seconds of silence.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice your guitar - do you play?” I can almost see him mentally facepalming himself. “A tiny bit. I’m actually learning how to play bass, and this is the closest thing I have here”.

“Oh, bass, cool! It’s not exactly the same, though…” Beat. “……What do you mean?” It became a signature joke - pretending to be absolutely serious. He falls for it for three seconds, confusion followed by laughter.

“I know it’s pretty ridiculous, but it’s still better than nothing.” A pause, in which he looks at me with a spark in his eye. “I guess so”, he says, smiling and nodding. “I love bass…Are you in a band or - or just learning for yourself?” His voice is melodious and soothing. I notice that I feel oddly comfortable being one-on-one with him. “I am learning to join a band that consists entirely of wonderful friends.” “Wow, sounds excellent!”

Floor 5.

“Thank you so much, it was lov-“ “Oh, I’ll help you with the bags.”

We both step out of the exuberant mechanical wonder. I take a moment to fully look at him. Here he is, right in front of me, guitar case in one hand, my slightly scruffy orange suitcase in the other. “Thank you. It’s wonderful to know that chivalry isn’t dead.” “Oh, my pleasure.” We follow the arrows. Silently. “What - khm - what is the name of the band?” “We’re called The ************,” I say, unable to hide my gleaming pride. I’m in a dream come true, talking about another dream coming true.

“The ************…cool name.” “Thank you, we like it too.”

An exchange of smirks. His eyes are deep brown, with faint glimmers of deep gold. The charm of his smile drastically exceeds my (already high) expectations.

‘What kind of music do you play?” “Well, the official formula goes like this: progressive-aggressive punk post-pop cabaret!” “…..Wow. Well, that definitely got my interest!” I wonder if he sees how insanely happy I am right now. I feel radiant. All of a sudden we are standing outside of room 532.

“Five three two…that would be me,” I say softly, casting a gentle gaze upon him.

“Are y-you staying here for long? Sorry, that’s an inapp-“ “Two nights.” He nods, looking at the floor.

“I’m so sorry, taking up your time, it’s late, and you must be tired - not that you look tired -  I mean, it’s almost 2 AM, and -“ “Please don’t worry! Thank you so much for helping me, I really appreciate it.”

My cheeks begin to hurt from all the smiling.

“Besides, it’s you who is truly tired.”

Uh-oh.

He looks at me intently.

“I was”

Pause.

Just as I inhale to continue this dreamlike conversation, Josh mutters good night and leaves pretty abruptly.

I find myself standing in the middle of an empty corridor of a legendary London hotel. Fuck knows what just happened.

I open the door, drag the suitcase into the room, let the guitar slide to the floor, drop the bag and simply freeze, leaning against the door.

Fuck knows what just happened. I just had a fantastic encounter with Josh Klinghoffer… which ended with him running away. Was it because he realized that I follow him? Maybe he got scared of my incredible charm? Perhaps he had to take care of some dark necessities? Fuck knows. Fuck knows. ……fuck knows.

It’s still astonishing, though. It is still mind-blowingly incredible, though. It’s still absolutely bloody crazy fucking fantastic, though.

I put on some music, shuffle at first, but “Eye Opener” comes first and I have no desire to die by melting into this deep blue carpet.

I put on “Love of Your Life,” followed by “Never is a Long Time”. Soothing songs that accumulate that warm feeling of sheer magic. Unpack! Shower! Jump on the bed, celebrating your insane luck! Glee at the marvels of a five-star hotel! Go to bed in your beautiful silk nightgown to feel like a lady! Attempt to sleep and fail miserably!!

I sit up in bed, coming to terms with the fact that sleep seems like the least exciting thing to do right now.

I get up, throw on a black, sheer, floor-length, long-sleeved polka dot dressing gown (thank you, Dita Von Teese), slip into my elegant little slippers, grab a pen, a piece of paper, the door key and head out to wander the exquisite dimly lit corridors.

After all, life is too short to waste it on mediocrity. I dream of living in a Wes Anderson film, and so I create this opportunity for myself!

I slowly make my way through floor five, admiring the early 20th century sketches and caricatures on the walls, occasionally stopping to write down a thought, a line, a poem, a feeling, a spark. My path is deserted, with the exception of a gentleman eating chicken outside of room 502. The attention he gives me is minimal. My ghost-like promenade takes me to the staircase, and I hesitate, deciding whether to go up or make my descent. As I listen closely to my gut, I hear the peaceful wind behind the windows, the light rustling of branches, the mild ticking of a clock standing on a randomly beautiful table by the elevator, the soft humming of the lamps, quiet footsteps…footsteps? Chicken guy coming for seconds? I notice a figure lurking upstairs. A tall, somewhat lanky figure. The pattern of the figure’s movement is hesitant, but after a few pauses, I can hear it advancing towards my location. As the silhouette draws nearer, the floppy hair becomes painfully obvious. He notices me and freezes. Here I am, a sleepless vision, looking at Josh Klinghoffer…yet again.

There he is, in a black long-sleeved top that looks incredibly cozy and pajama pants that can be called ‘slim’ in comparison to his usual stage choices, looking at me.

A few moments pass, and he still hasn’t run away. Either his eyesight is not so good, or he’s not terrified.

He moves one step down. “Hi…” His voice lingers in the air. I take one step up. “…Hi” The night makes my voice deeper. The silence rings in my ears. Or is it the excitement? The adrenaline, perhaps? Does adrenaline ring? Dear brain, Please shut up.

“Can’t sleep?” He hesitates. “Yeah…still not sure which time zone I’m in” Pause. “….and you?” Now it’s my turn to take a dramatic pause. “…The night seemed to poetic to let it pass me by.”

He takes two more steps and murmurs something undecipherable.

“Sorry?” “That is beautiful,” he says, stepping onto the landing between floors. I smile with a slight exhale and stand by a window on the same level as him. I wonder how transparent this dressing gown really is.

“I’m surprised you didn’t run away just now.” His face changes immediately, a grimace of deep discontent followed by an expression of pure downheartedness.

He stares at the floor. “I am so sorry. I can’t believe you’re even talking to me right now. I - I hate the way I am sometimes.I felt as if I overstepped a line and didn’t think of anything better than to flee. Regretted it instantly. Punched a wall. Regretted that instantly. Felt idiotic since then”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that a conversation that I found so pleasant was a source of such agony to you…”

He looks up, comes to the window…stands opposite me. The pale light encompasses us both. We are looking at each other.

How is this not awkward? Magic.

“I never asked you your name.” “You have a chance now.” He smirks and softly shakes his head. “I’m ***. *********.” “Hi, ***” “Hi,” I say, with a secret smile in the corners of my mouth. “And you are?…” We both laugh. He seems wildly relieved. “Josh.” “Well, lovely to meet you, Josh.” I extend my hand. He shakes it with an air of mock-importance. His hands are big, with long, graceful, restless fingers and obvious veins. His handshake is careful yet firm. My handshake is strong and enthusiastic. I celebrate our first physical contact by zapping him with a shot of static electricity. He looks mildly impressed.

“Are you from the States?” “Why do you ask?” “Well…your accent sounds American.” “Yeah…I’m actually *******.” “*******?!” “**!” (yes) “Haha…Your English is superb!” “Thank you! All thanks to my brilliant parents.” “Are they American?” “Nope, my whole family is completely *******, aside from a couple of Jews.” “Ah, haha! So you live in…******?” “I do.” “It’s a beautiful place.” “Thank you! It is as strange as it is beautiful.” “That’s a good way of putting it…” “Coming from you that’s a big compliment.” His eyes become more serious. I hesitate…and dive right in. “I think that you write some of the most beautiful music in the world.” He begins to examine his shoelaces. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. But it is true…at least to me.” He finally looks up, his gaze fixated through the window. “Someday I will learn to take compliments calmly…possibly” “That might come in handy one day…” He looks at me and smiles, tucking his hair behind his ears. “***? Can I ask you something?” “I don’t see why not” “It might be a bit of an odd question.” “Those are my absolute favourites.” He pauses for a few moments. “What kind of guitar did you bring here?” I laugh, looking at the ceiling. “It’s a travel guitar. Smaller, lighter, waterproof. Perfect for a campfire evening…but I’m not a big fan of camps.” “Neither am I…but I’d love to take a look at it, haven’t seen one of those in a long, long time…if you wouldn’t mind?” I smile softly. I feel as if a little boy asked me to show him a wonderful toy. “Sure.” “So…you’re here for two nights, right?” “Exactically so…sorry, that’s a quote from Alice in Wonderland.” “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for quoting a great book…I’m sorry for not recognizing it!” I grin, he grins, we both look out of the window. Venus is shining bright, like a lighthouse for dreamers.

“What are you doing tomorrow morning?” I hesitate, not believing my ears. THINK OF SOMETHING COOL. “Beginning a wondrous day” Jesus Christ on a motorbike that sounds pretentious as fuck. “Would joining me for breakfast spoil the wondrous day?” “On the contrary, it would make a wondrous day exceptionally fantastic.” He looks mildly shocked and stays silent for a pretty damn long time, paying much attention to his hair. Classic ***: scaring people away with wild enthusiasm since 1991 (c) Well, no point in backing off now! “…Shall we meet…downstairs?” He clears his throat yet again, fiddling the bleached strands of his infamous hairdo. “Actually I was wondering if I could pick you up at, let’s say”, - he checks his simple, elegant, clearly trusted and well-worn black-strapped watch, - “10 o’clock?” “Sounds perfect…I am flattered!” He smiles with a slight air of inhibition. “Believe me,” he says. “I’m the one who is flattered.” We look at each other, unashamedly smiling. I’m the one who breaks the spell. “See you in six and a half hours, then.” His smile becomes wider. To say that he is charming is to say absolutely nothing at all. “Sweet dreams.” “You too…good night.” We hesitate, look at each other and laugh. “Bye!” I start descending. At the bottom of the stairs, I turn around and see him still standing there, watching me. “See you soon…”

You can't concede that you have no control But if your eyes are open, your heart is open, your life is open wide

2.02.2017