#except now the doctor isnt even responsible for it so it does nothing except make them a woobie

[wavebiders]

ngl this is just msking me bummed out about Galifrey being re-destroyed again

we've already had 4 seasons of RTD writing about The Last of the Time Lords™️ I would have much preffered seeing him take a crack at writing stories with Galifrey still being around rather than the same thing again but this time less compelling

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

74 +28

28: Proposal fic || 74: Huddling for Warmth

random choice generator ship: losleep

~

okay so i know proposal fic implies they're already dating but i like my gays oblivious so: super duper best friends logan and remy, who live together and eat together and more often than not sleep in the same bed (it was cheaper to get the apartment with only one bedroom, alright? plus, as logan always remains, the cuddling is good for their human need for touch) and even go to family events with each other like thanksgiving and such

literally Everyone thinks they're dating but every time one of them is asked when they're gonna 'put a ring on that' remy/logan just scoff and ask why they'd do that to their best friend

except, of course, they're terribly in love with each other, except logan doesn't think he's cool enough for remy to like-like him and remy doesn't think they're smart enough for logan to like-like them, so they just stick with the friend thing

it's winter when they're on another one of their family trips with each other, headed for remy's aunt's cabin nestled a good bit of a ways from most of regular society. everything's fine and dandy until the black ice on the road transforms one of their turns into a spin, sending the car off the side of the mountain road and rolling into a ditch at the bottom, surrounded by dark and thick woods

they survived, but one of logan's legs is fucked up, and remy's pretty scratched up too. the car's totaled, and even as they sit there in initial shock snow is beginning to fall heavy around them

the slope they fell down isnt that steep, enough rocks and bumps in it that it's climbable. get to the top, get back to the road, flag down help or even start walkin in the direction of the cabin again for help

logan urges remy to go. there's no way he can climb with his leg, but remy can make it, can get themself to safety and then get help for logan. it's the logic choice

but remy knows it's cold as fuck, they have no idea how fast they'll able to get help, and leaving a severely injured, already dealing with blood loss + pain and soon hypothermia too logan alone is not going to bod well for him. at. all.

so instead of climbing out, remy does their best to carefully lift logan up, apologizing for the pain and gently shushing whenever he tries to protest what remy's doing. they set themself and logan up in a small cave set into the base of the slope; it's got a low-ceiling, not much room, and is mostly composed of cold stone, but it's protection from the snow, and that's better than nothing

the cold's already starting to set into their bones, remy trying not to let their teeth chatter too much as they pull logan up against their chest, zipping up their leather jacket around the both of them, hoping to something, anything, that it helps. logan's head is lolling, his grip on reality clearly not good, and remy wouldn't be surprised if he passes out soon

except remy knows they need to prevent that as long as possible, need to keep logan awake, because that's better right? because if he falls asleep he might- he might-

remy banishes the thought from his mind and just starts. talking. about everything he can think of, just to try and keep logan focused on them and awake

somehow they land on the topic of all those times people asked about them proposing, and remy, who as hard as they're trying to be brave and strong, is also injured and cold and terrified, and just about ready to say things they thought they'd keep til their deathbed, asks logan if he'd ever actually thought about it

"y'know, marrying me." remy murmurs, because they don't have the strength for anything louder, logan shivering against their chest and looking at them with half-lidded and dazed eyes that make remy wonder if he'd understand what they were saying even if they were yelling, "i know we're not... together, but... i don't think i would've minded. marrying you, that is."

for a long minute, there's no reply. logan's still staring at them the same, and remy doesn't think he processed what was said at all. they're about to start talking again when logan says, so quietly it's almost lost in the wind and snow, "i would've married you"

it's really too bad the circumstances are what they are, because if they were anything else remy's pretty sure it'd be the best day of their life

"what if, when we get out of this-" and isn't that confident, 'when', just for logan- "we do that." remy says, tentatively, pulling logan even closer to themself. "will you, logan orion celeste, marry me?"

the response takes even longer this time, logan nuzzling his head further into remy's shoulder, eyes dropping close to shut. "yes please" he finally mumbles, and remy almost wants to laugh at how absurd the 'please' seems right now, "i love you"

and then his eyes close all the way and none of remy's words nor slight shakes seem enough to get them back open

without logan to focus on, remy's fading out themself, the full effects of Everything setting in. they try to stay awake, but it's a losing battle. succumbing to the warm embrace of sleep, remy's last thought is how sad it would be if the last thing they ever heard from logan were words they had been hoping to hear for years

remy wakes up in the hospital gods-know-when and the first thing they do is go looking for logan

somehow, the doctors and nurses cant fight the suffering-from-horrible-frostbite-and-hypothermia patient back into bed, remy stumbling around them until they find the room where logan is, still asleep, leg in a cast and covered in bandages and still looking a bit too pale but alive

they quickly arrange themself in his bed, tucking themself up against them, holding him too close for the doctors to get them apart

eventually, he'll wake up, and eventually they'll talk about remy's near-death proposal, and they'll admit crushes and feel silly and maybe kiss a little bit before they both pass out again

but for now remy's content to hold logan, assured of his safety, and oh-so-very content already calling him fiancé

[thescienceofapologetics]

You do know abortion isnt murder right? There's multiple types including including labor refered to as an induction abortion, miscarriage which is a spontaneous abortion and lets not forget the people prolifers shit on the most, people whos child is dead or dying in the womb. Even if you have some stupid heath exception, if the world was how you want it to be, those mothers would die with their babies, so carrying and loving and prolife of you guys to want both to die together ❤how horrible.

Murder: the premeditated killing of one human being by another.

The unborn baby is a human being from the moment of conception. That is a scientific fact. It is a living human with its own unique string of DNA.

Abortion: the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy.

There is one goal with abortion and that is killing the child in its fetal state.

Abortion is murder.

Now let’s talk about the types of abortion:

Morning After Pill — Also known as Mifepristone, this oral drug is used during the first trimester. It breaks down the lining of the uterus so that the fetus is devoid of nourishment and cannot be sustained. It takes 24-48 to kill the child, after which a second drug (Misoprostol) is taken to expel the dead fetus from the woman’s body.

Vacuum Aspiration/Suction Abortion — This type of abortion is also performed in the first trimester. The cervix may or may not need to be dilated depending on your anatomy and how far along you are. The abortionist inserts laminaria to absorb moisture. A suction catheter is then used to vacuum the fetus out of the uterus, after which the abortionist uses a curette to remove any remaining pieces of the baby that may have been left behind in the uterus.

Dilation and Evacuation — This is a second trimester procedure. The abortionist will first dilate the woman’s cervix in order to gain access to her uterus and fetus. A suction catheter will then be inserted into the uterus to remove the amniotic fluid. After the fluid is drained, the abortionist will use a sopher clamp (surgical instrument with rows of sharp teeth) to tear apart the child, limb from limb. After dismembering the fetus, the abortionist will scrape the remains from the inside of the uterus with a curette. After the abortion, the abortionist will collect the dismembered parts in order to make sure he or she has effectively removed every part of the unborn child. A shot may be administered before hand to induce a fetal heart attack, killing the child before the invasive portion of the procedure begins, but that is often not the case. It has been noted that the fetus will react to and try to avoid the dismembering tools.

Dilation and Extraction — Also known as a partial birth abortion, this takes place in the third trimester. Because the opening of the woman's cervix must be greatly enlarged, the abortion requires three days with repeated visits for insertion of laminaria. These are pencil-shaped or tapered devices which are inserted into the cervix and gradually dilate the cervix by increasing in diameter as the laminaria absorbs water. Three days later the abortion is performed. The abortionist ruptures the membranes and drains the amniotic fluid. Using an ultrasound on the mother's abdomen, the fetus is identified and orientated within the uterus. Having turned the unborn baby inside the uterus so that he or she is feet first and face down toward the floor, the abortionist inserts forceps into the cervical canal and into the uterus and grasps one of the baby's legs. The other leg with the remainder of the torso up to the baby's neck is then pulled outside of the uterus. The head must remain inside the mother's body, or else the fetus is considered "born alive." Blunt scissors are inserted into the base of the living baby's skull and spread apart to enlarge the hole. The scissors are removed and a suction tube is inserted into the skull and the brains are suctioned out. This kills the baby. The abortionist collapses the head, and the fetus is removed. Then the placenta is cut away. It must be noted that babies born as prematurely as 21 weeks have been able to survive. That means at this point you are killing a baby that could possibly live outside the mothers womb. At this point it no longer becomes an issue of a women’s right to her body because you have chosen to kill a child who could have lived outside the uterus in one of the most horrific ways imaginable.

Things that are NOT abortions:

Ectopic Pregnancies — Over half of ectopic pregnancies resolve by themself by way of miscarriage. There are, however, many cases of ectopic pregnancies being carried through gestation enough so that the fetus is delivered. There are people alive today who were themselves ectopic pregnancies. There’s also studies seeking to make relocating ectopic fetuses to the uterus a more viable option. Ectopic pregnancies are not an argument for abortion.

Natural Miscarriages — Medically known as spontaneous abortion, it is NOT a medical abortion and does not carry the same definition. A miscarriage happens as an involuntary bodily response to the pregnancy. Certain deficiencies, extreme stress, even a history of medical abortions can contribute to why a woman’s body may induce a miscarriage. Anyone who blames a woman for a natural miscarriage knows nothing about science whatsoever. Furthermore, it is callous and cruel to put mothers who are grieving the loss of their child in the same category as mothers who deliberately kill their child. Shame on you.

Fetal Death — If the fetus is dead from natural causes, it is not physically possible for an abortion to take place because abortion, by definition, is killing the baby. You can’t kill something that is already deceased, so I genuinely have no idea what you are getting at there. However, if the baby is still in the process of dying, our responsibility is to try and save it, not kill it faster. If someone has a gunshot wound, you don’t put another bullet in them to finish them off. You get them to the hospital and let the doctors do everything in their power to save them. A couple years back the doctors told a family their baby wouldn’t live to be born. She’s now four years old and one of my favorite kids in the whole world. Doctors may make educated guesses, but they never know how long someone will live, that is so far beyond them.

In closing, abortion is never medically necessary. Abortion, by definition, is strictly killing a fetal life, it never saves one. Sometimes the unborn may die as a secondary cause (ie., chemotherapy), because difficult choices do exist, but all attempts are always made to preserve the life of both mother and child. Inducing a heart attack in a baby is never necessary to save a life. Dismembering a child is never necessary to save a life. The intentional killing of a baby is never necessary to save a life. Abortion never saves a life, it ALWAYS ends a life. Brutally.

Sources:

[x][x][x][x][x]

[mo-mo-and-porkchop]

42. "This isnt going to have a happy ending" (Seven)

@youbloodymadgenius

(Sorry this took so long.)

[Ala Alice in borderland on Netflix. ]

Oscar stared at the ceiling of his latest dwelling - a small, studio apartment no bigger than a hotel room. A fan whirled quietly, pushing a small breeze throughout the space. He let his eyes drift to the singular window and out to the roadways and parking lots the complex surrounded. Thin walls allowed him to hear everything his neighbors went through, day in and day out. Drab colors covered the walls making the space even more depressing.

What a shithole.

However it wasn't the worst place work had sent him over the years. Given his station in life he had been required to live in some of the shadier places on Earth. Being a hired hand for the most powerful players meant you went where they sent you. No questions. If he had known his experience in spec ops would turn him into a glorified errand boy he would never have replied to his recruitment.

They're lucky they pay so well.

He sat up with a sigh and forced himself from the futon. A female living to his right was on the phone with, whom he could only assume was a friend, complaining about her most recent bout of dieting. Her cat ate better than she did according to her.

Oscar shuffled to his small bathroom and splashed cool water across his face. He'd been there a month already and his target had yet to show up. He huffed silently to himself. He tried to warn the powers that be to move on from their obsession. After the doctor's botched experiments, they turned all of their attention to a nobody, twenty something.

A fucking kid.

As he dried his face two male voices drifted through his walls, catching his attention. They stood just down the hall and were easily heard. He listened as they discussed benign details of their day and, judging by their voices, they were 409 and 411.

Buzz. Buzz.

He glanced into his apartment at a small kitchen table that doubled as a nightstand. His phone lit up before buzzing once more indicating a text had come through. He tossed the towel onto the edge of the sink and went for his phone.

He swiped up and unlocked his phone to see a picture of Dahlia smiling brightly on the beach. Followed by the question:

[sms: jealous?]

A soft smile tugged at his lips when he saw it was his sister. And yes, he was jealous. He huffed quietly and sent a picture of his current view.

[sms: not really]

[sms: stop bragging] was her reply.

A hard, loud series of knocks at his door pulled him from his phone with a slight start. He wasn't expecting anyone. No one knew he was there, save his sister. And his 'boss' never frequent his residences. They did all their business virtually. The less connected they were physically the better.

The knocking repeated itself and he went to check his doorbell camera. Oddly no one stood there. The hall was empty. Silence began to creep in from all around. Then all power crashed.

All power.

The lights, the camera, the ac, the hall lights. Everything electronic had gone down. Not even his phone was working.

'What the hell?' he asked no one as he tapped the screen and shook it a little. 

He wasn't sure what he hoped would have happened by doing it. It was like blowing on the game system when the cartridge didn't work - useless, but somehow hopeful. When nothing else worked he carefully opened his door, peeking through the hall.  His unknown knocker was still at large.

Seeing that things were all clear, he went to neighbor's and knocked. Maybe they knew more about what happened. Silence followed. He waited a minute and tried again. Still nothing.

"Hello?" he called through her door.

He knew she was in there. She'd just been bitching to her cat, jealous of his superior meal plan.

"I'm from 408."

Silence.

Odd, but maybe she was cautious of unknown males. Although neighbors they knew neither beyond a simple greeting in passing. Something that happened rarely since he'd arrived.

He left her door and went to his other neighbor's. Repeating the same process, resulting in the same response.

His heart began to race as each and every door on his floor resulted in nothing more than silence. He seemed to be the only person there which was impossible. He rushed down the stairs and to the lobby, finding it eerily empty.

"Hey!" he called throughout the lobby as he searched for someone, anyone. "Hello?!"

Oscar left his complex and headed for the streets - which he found littered with abandoned cars and deserted.

What the fuck?!

"Hey!" he yelled louder, darting from car to car, his search still coming up empty.

At this point it felt as if his heart would break through his chest it was beating so hard. His mind raced. Panic was not something he was used and he handled it very poorly. The only one who was ever able to calm him on the rare occassions it did hit was his sister.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at the black screen. It still wasn't working. He glanced around to try and find his bearings and noticed something.

The marquees had gone black. the street lights were out. Even the cars wouldn't start. Everything electronic was down. Like an EMP had hit, rendering it all useless. But that didn't account for the lack of people. Oscar had no idea what could have caused that since he remained. His mind went to the only explanation he could think of.

This was hell.

But he didn't remember dying. He'd been in his apartment minding his own business. The knocking was the last sound he heard. Not a gun shot or explosion. Just loud, hard knocking.

A month had gone by. In that time he'd searched nearly every part of the city and found nothing. No one. Each building was just as empty as the last. He scavenged supplies as needed and continued searching for anything to explain away this very real feeling delusion.

Suddenly a small tv screen lit up nearby - a lone light in the darkness. He squinted to see it clearer as he neared.

'Game arena this way.'

Game arena?  What the hell? 

A large arrow pointed to the right and looked where it pointed. As if on cue, a spotlight shown into the sky, illuminating a building a few blocks away. A glance between his phone, which still wasn't working, and the screen was all he took before heading where directed. This was the only thing different to happen since arriving.

He came to an apartment building slightly smaller than his. It too was dark save for the spotlights and some emergency lights running on a gas powered backup generator.  It was just as abandoned as the rest of the city.

Cautiously he entered the building. He'd been through a lot of shit in his day, but this was eerier than hell. The silence was nearly driving him mad. Nevertheless he made his way through the hall, arrows leading the way. He finally came to the end of the hallway. A small table with cell phones and an elevator were all that greeted him. The elevator was down and the phones were off, just like the rest of the city.

Great. More nothing.

He tried the nearby doors and found them all locked. He left to backtrack out when he finally ran into others. Instinctively he grabbed one up and held him against the wall, holding his hand out to keep the others at bay.

"What the hell is going on? Who are you?" he asked glancing between the three of them.

They remained silent, but by the looks of thing he wasn't going to get any answers from them. He could almost smell their fear. Once Oscar actually took the time to actually see them he realized he'd overreacted. They were young men.  In their mid twenties at best. Kids. He was an ex military turned merc who had done a great job of staying fit. He must have looked like a monster to them. He relaxed his grip and held up both hands in apology, taking a small step backward, keeping them all in his sights. 

"Sorry. You're the first people I've found since...getting here and I thought you might have been responsible for whatever is going on," he explained.

They silently shook their heads once they were able to overcome their surge of fear. "We are just as lost as you," one of them said.

He looked at the three of them, studying their body language - which told they were being truthful.

"Do you know what is going on?" a second one asked when the silence became too much for him.

Oscar simply gave him a look to convey how stupid he thought that question was considering their initial meeting.

"Right. Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"We don't know anything," the first one admitted. "We were goofing off and then everything disappeared. It wasn't until dark that we were showed the way here."

Oscar nodded slightly. Aside from the length of time they were here, it was the same as him. "I've been here a month if my count is correct and haven't found shit. Except you guys," he said glancing between them.

The one with the stupid question took a few steps, peeking around the corner. He saw the elevator and table full of phones. His demeanor seemed a bit more hopeful at the sight. "There are phones down here," he said to his friends before taking off for them.

"They don't work," Oscar called out, but the other two had already rushed to join their friend.

When they picked them up the screens woke up. Their faces were scanned and a woman's voice came through - explaining registration was closed in five minutes and the number of participants, which as of now was the three of them.

"What the fuck?" Oscar said picking up a fourth phone. It scanned his face and replayed the same message. "These weren't working when I found them," he said more to himself.

Before they could discuss the recent turn of events a woman emerged from around the corner. She was dressed in business casual attire and looked vastly out of place. She calmly walked toward them and picked up a phone, repeating the process as the rest. This time however the registration time had gone down by two minutes.

"What does that even mean?" the third guy asked when he heard her message. "Registration?"

"Its a game," the woman said, breaking her silence.

"Game? What do you mean game?"

Without a word she pulled out some kind of ID badge and threw it down the hall. They all watched as a lazer shot out and precisely hit the tiny card.

"Once you cross the barrier you have now choice but to play."

"What game?!" the first guy asked again, frustration and worry in his voice.

"We are all in this game," she began to explain. "Each one is different and if you don't complete their tasks you die."

"Their?" Oscar asked.

She shrugged her shoulders "Whoever is running it."

A second girl showed up and when she saw the groups of them she rushed forward, happy to find other humans. The trio of guys tried to stop her, but it was too late and she'd crossed the threshold. Quietly Oscar handed her a phone. After scanning her face the voice rang out that registration was closed and there were six participants. It continued stating the game's name - Dead or Alive - the difficulty - three of clubs, whatever the hell that meant - and the one and only rule:

Pick the right door and exit within the time limit.

Just then the elevator door opened with a sign on it's back wall simply stating 'Start'.

Oscar sighed and quietly told himself "This isn't going to have a happy ending" before heading inside it with the others.

[iwillgetridofyourangerforyou]

The Good Doctor Kuseno

More questions than answers Possible Spoilers ahead!!

@gofancyninjaworld​ has a few excellent posts about this already please read them if you’re interested. These posts are well researched and provide a different perspective than my own. I recommend that everyone consume different perspectives to help inform and diversify their own. I also reference a few of them in my post here.

https://gofancyninjaworld.tumblr.com/post/612670463398772736/when-cancel-isnt-an-option 

https://gofancyninjaworld.tumblr.com/post/612685729355759616/what-about-if-the-mad-cyborg-was-created-by

https://gofancyninjaworld.tumblr.com/post/190986677872/the-nysh-forward-the-following-meta-has-been

https://gofancyninjaworld.tumblr.com/post/187738207032/so-conflicts-of-interest-with-whowhat-else#notes

https://gofancyninjaworld.tumblr.com/post/184129389540/how-to-grow-old-and-stay-mad

What do we actually know about the good doctor?

As Fancy Ninja noted: 

He claims to have been chasing ‘that cyborg’ for longer than Genos has been.

He used to be angry over some injustice.

He’s not afraid to take up arms in person.

He’s a skilled scientist/engineer, specifically he “likes to dabble with mechanical engineering”

He’s deeply invested in Genos. Seemingly in both the literal and figurative sense.

Additionally and significantly, He’s not a monster.

Why is 6 important? I mean, if Garou teaches us anything it’s that the lines between Human, hero, and monster are not as clear as we may have initially assumed. And yet, Monsters truly exist in this universe and their existence is significant. (It's also notable here that we have seen a few instances where monsters appeared as the humans they were before they consumed monster cells only to reveal their identity later, but for the moment this seems to be unlikely of Kuseno.) One of the possible interpretations of this fact is that despite his past anger and continued obsession with hunting this cyborg he still has something within him that keeps him human. I’m not sure exactly what that is in this case because if I’m honest, I’m not super certain what makes humanity human in general, in OPM or otherwise. Aside from that, we know fairly little about the good doctor. We know almost nothing about his past.

What he tells us: 

“When I and Genos first met, we didn’t have a single ally. It was as if the pair of us were lost and alone fumbling in the darkness… I dived into research with all I could, trying to come up with some way to fight back at the forces of evil... and yet our troubles were just beginning, because me and my boy-”

vs  THis: 

What does Kuseno have to gain from all his tireless effort into Genos?

Despite my reservations about Dr. Kuseno I’d be remiss to fail to admire his work on Genos. Kuseno has done an incredible job with Genos’ upgrades. The aesthetic and humanizing touches he’s given Genos are so, and I cannot emphasize this enough, important. He has a human looking face and hair. Kuseno has even been aging Genos appropriately over time, he can even eat food normally. (And we all know he’s been keeping Geno damn hot in the process) The things that he’s done to humanize Genos is sincerely one of the most compelling arguments that Dr. Kuseno is a truly good bean. But he’s not off the hook yet. 

When he says that seeing Genos reminded him of his youth when he was righteous and feared nothing always charging in without thought of consequences and I have to wonder, what consequences did Dr. Kuseno experience in his life that changed him? If he’s experienced so much in his life why is he still walking the path of vengeance and promoting that path for Genos? Even if he’s not promoting the path for Genos but merely ‘supporting’ Genos on his path wouldn’t you think someone who was so similar in their youth know better than to fuel a revenge mission? But I’m not particularly apt to believe Dr. Kuseno is merely going along with ‘pushy’ Genos. He definitely has his own motives here and we’re not very clear what those are yet. For this I recommend reading Ninja’s conflicts of interest post to get some different perspectives on his varied motives. One possibility is that he’s effectively living through Genos. There is a scene in Season 2 of the anime where Dr. Kuseno is standing in a beam of light talking about his quest for justice in his youth and Genos stands under Kuseno obscured in shadow. That image made me shudder. Now the care and attention Kuseno gives Genos feels much creepier, like a doll to be dressed up and played with. I hope that’s not the case.  

Who is this Dr. Kuseno and what is his relationship with Genos? Fatherly? Or Patronizing? And what are the ethics and implications of allowing Genos such extreme body modifications.

I love a found family as much as the next person, but I find it slightly suspicious that a doctor that just happens to be an expert in cybernetics arrives in time to save Genos’ life after his village was destroyed by a CYBORG. So, we’ve learned that Kuseno was chasing the mad cyborg before Genos was so maybe that explains the convenient meeting but that makes me wonder, when and how did the Cyborg’s trail go so cold that neither Kuseno or Genos seem to know where it is at the moment (or maybe Kuseno knows something more about this and is hiding it from Genos)? We’ve also since learned that even though cybernetic components are relatively commonplace in this world modifications over 30% are extremely rare. ‘Enhancements’ as extensive as Genos’ are almost unheard of and extremely risky, including a risk of madness. How did Dr. Kuseno become such an excellent doctor of cybernetics? I couldn’t have just been overnight? Learning takes trial and error and mistakes. God knows Genos has given that man more than enough trial and error for a lifetime but what about before Genos?  

Ninja noted that in all of the lab frames Dr. Kuseno stands a fair distance away from Genos. I immediately think of the anime Dororo from 2019 and the way Jukai handles Hyakkimaru, who is likely not less dangerous than Genos in context. Jukai is genuinely fatherly and close, only teaching Hyakkimaru to fight once it became clear the boy would not walk a different path. In the lab Kuseno is cold and distant and the atmosphere is draped in shadow. The contrast between Dr. Kuseno’s behavior toward Genos in public verses in the lab is notable. I don’t really know what specifically to note about it, except that it reinforces for me that the two men barely know each other, which is disturbing given that Genos has known Dr. Kuseno probably longer than he’s known anyone and Kuseno was effectively Genos’ guardian. How much does Genos really know about the man who holds his life in his hands if Genos didn’t even know Dr. Kuseno had a battle suit? What else is Kuseno hiding or omitting? At the same time Dr. Kuseno notes seeing a new side of Genos at Saitama’s apartment. Does Dr. Kuseno know Genos as well as he thinks he does when he says things like “you remind me of myself in my youth.” ? 

Genos believes he isn’t good enough and never will be good enough. Intentionally or unintentionally Dr. Kuseno feeds into this insecurity. Does that mean he’s responsible for Genos’ insecurities? No. But it is a piece of the troubling looking puzzle connecting the two of them. Unfortunately, when Genos goes to see Kuseno it’s often in defeat so he didn’t get much meaningful encouragement from the doctor. Even in victory, after G4, Dr. Kuseno doesn’t give Genos much encouragement. “There are still areas where we can improve you” even after getting a completely new upgrade neither Dr. Kuseno nor Genos seem to be satisfied. We consistently see Kuseno chiding Genos for being reckless and begging him to be more careful and to stay alive at the very least. Perhaps Kuseno is more concerned about losing his investment than the psychological health of his charge? Kuseno is more of a scientist than anything else and it's difficult to fault him for his excellent skills but can you imagine how actually damaging it is for a growing human to literally be a never fished project in the eyes of the person who should be loving you unconditionally. We all need to grow and change constantly, but there is a difference between acknowledging a person’s strengths and weaknesses and only acknowledging (in any meaningful way) a person’s failures. It’s a habit Genos has made for himself but unfortunately, even if not intentionally, Dr. Kuseno may have helped build that habit. Ever since Genos’ family died everything in his life seems to be reinforcing the ‘not good enough’ narrative. Not good enough to save his family, not strong enough to protect anyone. Every victory is shallow and meaningless in his mind because his eyes were set only on the final goal of defeating Mad Cyborg. Which is, likely as not, unattainable. 

Genos may see Saitama as his mentor but he is dependent on Kuseno for his growth making Kuseno far more practically his ‘mentor’. There is an important part of a typical hero’s journey story when a hero must move past the teaching of their mentor and grow on their own. This is a fundamentally important stage to help the hero see that they are ‘good enough’ they have the tools they need to succeed. Sometimes this transition is painful, think back to Iroh refusing to speak to Zuko while they were in the fire nation or when Jukai refused to help Hyakkimaru anymore. Both Zuko and Hyakkimaru were angry and devastated, but it was in the end a vital part of their progress. I fear a mentor who is either not willing or not able to allow them to surpass them. 

Whether through compliance or malice the system created by the relationship between Genos and Dr. Kuseno is one where Genos relies heavily on Dr. Kuseno. If Genos is compromised he could put Dr. Kuseno at risk but the battle suit indicates that Dr. Kuseno may be more prepared to deal with risk than an average scientist. But if Dr. Kuseno is compromised that could put Genos in an early grave. Regardless of the scientists intentions Dr. Kuseno is holding Genos back. Since Genos’ latest upgrade in the anime we’ve learned that Genos used to have safety restrictions on his parts but when we first meet Genos he is about to self-destruct his own core. So what were the safety restrictions for? The practically seem more about preserving an investment than protecting the human being. Garou’s story seems to indicate there is an important part of the path for one to push their limiter is possibly to get to the brink of death itself (probably not the only way) but possibly Genos’ safety restrictions have been holding him well below his limiter for ages. Maybe he can’t break his limiter because of his cybernetic body but I honestly don’t think it’s so cut and dry. (Also I find it sad and notable that when Genos is about to self-destruct he apologizes to Dr. Kuseno for letting him down. Genos wants to live badly, but he’s so deeply self-destructive just the tip of the iceberg of emotional issues Genos is battling. When he apologizes to Dr. K, even though he’s the one who would lose his life! It’s like he’s so afraid of failing the Dr.’s expectations again he’d rather die.) Genos needs to be able to repair himself. I’m desperately afraid that the practicality of complete cybernetic repair will render Genos dependent on someone forever. 

We already know that Genos would do anything to get stronger but what has ‘doing anything’ looked like for him? What does it mean for him? I don’t really know how you can take one look at this guy and deny he’s already made painful sacrifices to get stronger. It looks like he’s willing to sacrifice his dignity, youth, life, respect, independence, joy, all sensual pleasures, and much much more for his goal to be stronger. That goal servers a purpose and that purpose was given to him by Dr. Kuseno when his village was destroyed ‘defeat Mad Cyborg’. But what will his goal for ultimate strength be without the purpose that will almost definitely be taken away from him. Even if it isn’t and he accomplishes it what will he do then? Will the sacrifices be worth it in the end? Will he be able to rebuild a new purpose and a new life for himself?

[honeyjaez]

Maze of Miroh- Chapter 17: Dinner with a bit of Angst

Authors Note:

HELLO LOVES. IM SLEEPY. 

Anyways, this is a shorter chapter, but it sets up the highlight of this arc, which Im really excited about. Hope it isnt’ too shit haha.

The Under

 An echo of a bell rang through Minho’s ears as they pushed through the door and into the little shack.  He looked around and noticed small tables were placed throughout the area with wooden walls attached to the side, blocking people from others' sight.

Minho felt a familiar prickle of anxiety as he looked around. He always hated small, secluded places and actively avoided them. But he forced himself to relax and smiled slightly when he recognized Yunho’s fluffy brown hair in the back corner. He bowed to the neighboring table as he made his way through the store, Jisung at his side. As he did so, he heard Chan behind him stop near the entrance, calling out to someone, but Minho didn’t turn around to listen.

 Minho caught San settling down next to Wooyoung who was situated on Yunho’s side When the young thief's eyes caught Minho’s he smiled, gesturing him over.

 He swallowed a ball of saliva loudly. On one hand, he was glad San and him were okay, but he was also still VERY wary of the blond. Luckily, before he was forced to respond, Jisung tugged on Minho’s arm roughly towards Yunho’s other side, settling down in the other vacant seat.

 As Minho followed suit, he could see in the corner of his eye, San giving Jisung a rather nasty glare, but the younger's only response was to stick his tongue out, mocking him. Minho felt his eyes rolling automatically, choosing to ignore both of their antics. He instead turned towards Yunho, giving the doctor a small smile.

 “Glad you could take a break for a bit.” he said earnestly. Truthfully speaking, he was  rather glad to see a nice member of Hongjoong’s crazy group.

 Yunho took a sip of his water, nodding appreciatively “The other doctors can handle the situation for the night. I'm starving!”

 Jisung broke his glaring contest with San to look over at the doctor, concern sparkling in his eyes. “There were a lot of sick people in there….Is there some sort of sickness going around?” 

 Yunho’s eyes flashed towards Jisung, and his smile grew tired as he ducked his head. “Nothing we can’t handle....Just a common thing at this time around….”

 Minho's eyes narrowed as he caught the hesitation in Yunho’s voice. He looked to Jisung and could tell that the younger caught the tone as well. 

  There is something he isn’t telling us… 

 He opened his mouth, ready to ask the younger boy what exactly it meant, but, before he could, he was interrupted by Chan, who was walking up to their table with two new faces Minho had never seen before.

 “Except for its not….”  he said matter-of-factly “Is it Yunho?”

 His words were harsh, but Minho couldn’t read his leader's face as he gazed down at the young doctor. Yunho who was looking up at the curly haired blond only chuckled  humorlessly, a twinge of guilt passing through his eyes. 

 “There is nothing you don’t see, is there Bang Chan?”

 Chan cracked a small smile and shrugged softly, “It’s a blessing and a curse.” 

 The older boy then turned and looked at the two of them, motioning to the strangers on his side. “Minho. Jisung. “ he started “I want you to meet two more of Hongjoong’s crew. This is Jongho and Mingi.”

 The shorter one, Jongho, only gazed hard at them, a single nod of his head before setting down next to San. Mingi, on the other hand, stayed standing, and gave a wide toothy grin. “Sup! I heard you kicked San’s ass earlier. Care to give me pointers?”

  “Uhhhh…” If a human could sweatdrop, Minho sure was. Luckily for him, the conversation was interrupted by Wooyoung hissing in annoyance at the pair. 

 “It’s not something to joke about Mingi! San could have died!”

 Mingi’s only response was to roll his eyes at the silver haired boy, settling down in his spot at the table, “Please Woo. Don’t be dramatic.”

 “Yeah” Yunho agreed, pouring a glass of water for everyone “Like San would be stupid enough to die from something like that.”

 “That being said” Jongho spoke for the first time, voice hard as ice, looking at the blond with a small amount of contempt “Why didn’t you avoid the rocks?”

 All eyes were on San now who looked at them all innocently. His eyes were wide as he stuffed his cheeks with rice. Minho gave a small laugh as the food piled up in his cheeks, puffing them out like squirrels.  So Jisung isn’t the only one who does that huh….

 As he heard Minho’s quiet laugh, San’s eyes suddenly shifted onto his, his face forming into a smirk, winking at the older. “What can I say?” he said lightly, swallowing the food in his mouth. “Maybe I wanted Minho to hurt me…. I’ve got certain kink you kn-”

 His words were cut off as Wooyoung took a single fist and smashed it into the blonds head.

 It was quiet for a moment before San suddenly cradled his head, crying out in pain and rolling on the ground behind him. Mingi laughed out loud while Wooyoung glared at the crying boy. 

 “You all are so noisy” Minho’s ears perked as he heard a familiar voice cut through the tabel.His eyes turned over to see Hongjoong walking up, the tall figure of Seonghwa right behind him. 

 Minho gulped seeing the dark haired boy again. He was just as beautiful as before, and the aura he radiated off of him was just as deadly. But to his relief, Seonghwa seemed to be ignoring him and that was fine by him.

 “HyunggggG!” San whined, looking up at the two like they were his parents “Wooyoung hit me!”

 “Yeah cause you can’t keep it in your pants for 5 fucking seconds!” he hissed back. 

 The noise was started to cause a scene and Minho spotted multiple eyes now on them. Hongjoong must have noticed too because he rubbed his palm in his face, looking down in annoyance. 

 “This is why I can’t take you guys anywhere…”  Hongjoong then noticed Chan’s presence next to him and he looked up, suspicion in his eyes.

 “Chan” he said coolly. “I didn’t know you would be joining us.”

 Chan smiled, face still unreadable as he bowed in respect “Sorry for surprising you. San invited us. I hope it isn’t inconvenient.”

 Minho caught Seunghwa’s glare at their leader but kept his mouth shut. Hongjoong waved his hand, settling down on the floor. “No. No. Just a surprise, we will have a full table tonight.”

 “Who else is coming?” Jisung pipped up, motioning towards the opened seat next to Mingi. Hongjoong’s head turned slightly to look and then looked back, eyes shining brighter than Minho had seen since coming here. “Yeosang.”

 At the sound of the name, Yunho’s head snapped up from the drink in his hand, and Minho didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up in mild happiness. “You mean he is coming?”

 Hongjoong smiled at the younger, nodding his head “All the spies currently working in the field have been called back for a meeting by Zico. Yeosang should be here in a little bit.”

 “Huzah!” San yelled, raising his glass in celebration. 

 Yunho sighed happily and Mingi did his own clap of excitement. All the other remaining members held a small smile on their face. When Yunho noticed the look of confusion on the outsider’s faces he laughed apologetically.

 “Sorry” he chuckled “I guess we should fill you guys in. Yeosang is the last member of our group here. He is one of the best spies The Under has, and he is often traveling above ground on missions...so we don’t get to see him much.”

 “The last time we saw him was nearly 3 months ago” Wooyoung mused, almost sad.

 “Make use of his time” Seonghwa interjected, almost scolding them like a mother “We don’t know how long he will be back so make it worthwhile.”

 “Sir yes sir!” the group hollowed.

The table fell into their own little groups as dinner arrived. Chan was talking enthusiastically to Mingi about some stupid thing Felix once did, while San, Wooyoung and Jongho were having their own private conversation-mostly scolding San about losing in a fight with Minho. 

 Minho himself was having a rather pleasant conversation with Yunho, with Jisung stuck in the middle. 

 Even Seonghwa seemed mildly interested in Chan’s story as evident of his wandering eye towards the two.

 The only one who didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves was Hongjoong, who was frowning down at his full plate.

 “So have you guys always been together?” Minho asked the brown headed doctor, mouth full of food “I know Woojin hyung said he found you guys together but was that always the case? You guys don’t look related.”

 This earned a hearty laugh from the doctor and he shook his head in response. “Goodness no. Me related to them? I mean have you seen Mingi?”

 “What about me?” the gruff boy voiced over.

 But Yunho ignored him, looking almost sheepish at Minho “This may sound weird or stupid, but I don’t remember any of my childhood before i met them so I don’t really know where I came from. And actually…” he paused, looking around at the table “None of us do.”

 Minho’s eyes widened as he felt a familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach.  Just like me…

 “None of you do?”

 Yunho shook his head, a look of mild sadness on his face. “From as far back as we can remember, we have been together, but we know we know there was a time before where we were not together….”

 Jisung who was enjoying the conversation silently, swallowed the bit of food in his mouth, eyes narrowing slightly. “But if you don’t remember anything, how can you know that?”

 Yunho smiled again, but this time it was more guilty than anything. “Actually it’s just a hunch but also there is Yeosang….”

 “Yeosangie has something that none of us do.”

 Jisung tilted his head in confusion “What does he have?”

 Yunho took his arm and placed a hand on the back of his shoulder “He has a tattoo right here. He doesn’t remember getting it, nor what it means. But even if he did, I don’t think he would talk about it….” there was something in Yunho’s voice that made for a melancholy mood. His eyes casted downwards towards his nearly empty plate and chewed the bottom of his lip. “I don’t even think he is aware that he does this, but occasionally he takes his hand and touches it...his eyes would get so sad...like the memory is trying to surface, but the sadness it holds is enough to cause him excruciating pain.”

 Minho looked down at his plate, realizing his own appetite was gone. There was something about their group wide memory loss that was really causing him distress. His stomach churned and he quickly excused himself, rushing outside before anyone could stop him. 

 The city lights blurred his eyes as he felt his breathing going ragged. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. But what?

  Calm down Minho!  

 He mentally cursed himself while trying to regain control of his breathing again. What set him off so suddenly? Was it Yunho admitting about the memory loss? That doesn;t make anysense…..sure Minho also suffered from his own intense memory loss. He could relate to the group suddenly more now, his own childhood lost in his memories. But that was nothing more than coincidence.  Right?

 But before he could explore these thoughts, he was interrupted by a hand being placed on his shoulder in a form of comfort. Minho, still trying to calm down, only reached back and placed his hand on top of the foreign hand, rubbing it as a form of gratitude.

 He stayed like that for another minute before letting out one more ragged breath and straightening back up. 

 “You okay?”

 Minho closed his eyes, hearing Jisung’s quiet, soothing voice near his ear. He nodded once but refused to turn around, afraid to. “I’ll be okay….” he admitted.

 “You nearly scared half the people in there.” Jisung jokenly scolded “You rushed out so fast, they thought they were under attack.”

 Minho let out a quiet laugh, appreciative at the younger's attempts to take his mind away from the problem at hand.

 “I’ll have to apologize when I go back in…” he quipped back.

 He heard light footsteps and felt Jisung brush up against his side, making his way to stand next to him. Neither of them looked at each other, and chose to stare at the city lights instead.

 “What was it?” the younger finally asked, voice small and quiet. Minho squeezed his eyes shut, knowing what he was getting at.

 “I don’t know…”

  Liar

 “Hyung” Jisung said,obviously not believing him. 

 Minho let out a long sigh, shaking his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but found no sound behind his voice. 

 He was ashamed.

 But for what reason? His memory loss wasn’t his fault. He didn’t willingly wipe his memories away. 

 This was nothing to be ashamed of.

 So why did he?

 When Minho opened his mouth again, he let out a muffled cry, like he was admitting to a serious crime.

 “There is something I haven't shared with the group yet….” he confessed.

 He paused, expecting an immediate reaction from Jisung. But when he got none, and only felt the younger brush up against his arm he stumbled on his confession. “I don’t have many memories that I remember. I remember working at the plant. I remember becoming friends with Hyunjae. I remember Grandma Yoo taking care of us, but that has all been within the last 8 years….”

Minho looked to his side, teary gaze locking onto Jisung’s unreadable ones. “I have no memory of my parents, nor where I came from. The only reason I knew my name was Minho was because I found an ID with my face on it…” he paused, feeling his voice pick back up and his breathing laboring in his rant. 

 Jisung took his hand and squeezed his shoulder tight, pulling Minho into a tight hug. “It’s okay hyung” he murmured quietly. “Your memory loss isn’t your fault.”

 Minho hiccuped, taking solace in Jisung’s tight hug “I know but... ” he trailed off, the fear taking over. “What if it's more than just a coincidence? What if The Ord-”

 DRIIIIING DRIIIIING DRIIIIING

 He nearly jumped out of his skin as a loud alarm rang through the entire city, red sirens flashing all around them. Jisung seemed taken off guard as well as they broke apart to look down at the downtown area. 

 “Whats happening?” Minho had to somewhat yell out over the loud sirens.

 “It’s the city alarm system.” Hongjoong’s voice sounded on his other side, walking out from the shack. The others followed him outside and Minho caught Chan’s gaze who seemed fearful but not surprised. 

 “What does it mean?” 

 As if on cue, the sirens suddenly stopped and were replaced with a familiar cool voice that made the hairs on Minho’s neck stand up.

 “Hello citizens of The Under” Zico’s voice filled the entire clearing and Minho nearly had to cover his ears in response. “I have some unsettling news…” the man continued “Right as we speak, enemies of our beautiful city are moving against us. Their armies have infiltrated the tunnels and plan to strike us with their high tech assault weapons.”

 There were a few screams heard nearby as people took in their leaders' words. But Minho and the entire group stood still, listening intently. 

 “I have dispatched guards to fend them off, but for your safety, we need everyone to evacuate to the center of the city asap-”

 “What is he saying?!” Hongjoong growled.

 “I will be with the fighting force” Zico continued “But you will be in good hands there. Remember everyone, the safest place you can be is in the innermost part of the city. I won’t let anyone past the gates. The Under is my life, and the people are its future. Until we meet again.”

 And suddenly, just like that, his voice was gone. The red hue from the sirens remained, but now all that could be heard was the panicked screams of the people who began rushing around heeding their leader's words. Only Minho, Chan, Jisung and the entirety of Hongjoong’s group stayed still, including San. They seemed to be digesting their leader's words to figure out their next steps. San was the first to make movement, heading towards the stairs that led to the inner city.

 “San wait!” Chan yelled, causing the younger to stall. 

 Chan turned back towards Hongjoong, his eyes hard as steel. “Hongjoong”

 Minho gulped realizing the situation they were currently in. Something wasn’t adding up and it all pointed towards Zico.

 “What is he thinking?!” Seonghwa growled out loud “The center of the city? That is the worst place to evacuate to!”

 “That's because it is a trap” Chan interjected, his eyes not leaving Hongjoong’s frozen body.

 “Hyung” Jisung tried to warn, wanting him to stop.

 “Watch your tongue rat” San suddenly hissed with venom. “He is our leader!”

 Chan starred evenly back at San, his gaze cold and calm. “He sold you out.” He pulled on Hongjoongs arms, forcing the red headed leader to break out of trance. “Tell them Hongjoong.” He challenged “Something tells me you already suspected him of that.”

 The clearing was quiet, all 9 of them there looking towards the one singular Hongjoong who finally after a few more moments let out a long, exhausted sigh, his fierce expression from before long gone now in the presence of strangers. “A few days before you guys got here, I caught Zico having a private meeting with someone.”

 There were small gasps that came from Mingi and Yunho, while Jongho’s eyes widened slightly. Only San seemed unaffected by the news, his gaze cold as ice as he stared at Hongjoong.

 “Who?” Chan asked, but Hongjoong shook his head, looking out to the city below. 

 “Zico claimed he was an outer spy of ours, but I had never seen him before in all my years here. And the way he talked to Zico….it was no way to talk to your boss…”

  Hongjoong paused, casting a look out at the horrified faces-his eyes landed on San’s cold ones and he gave the younger a look of pleading sympathy.

 “He was trying to convince Zico to take some sort of deal. One that only benefited himself….”

 “No” San spat, disregarding his claims. “You’re lying”

 “San.” Seonghwa started “This is Hongjoong we are talking about here he would neve-” the elder was cut off as Chan’s voice rang loud and clear over the sirens.

 “Zico betrayed you all.” he growled harshly at the thief “The quicker you accept that, the easier this next step will be.

 “Quiet rat!” San spat back, taking stance “One more word out of you, and I’ll kill you. I don’t care what the rumors say…”

 The clearing went cold. Neither side made a move as San and Chan glared each other down evenly. 

Jisung wasted no time after San’s  very real  threat in marching between the two, his eyes hard as steel as he glared at San. 

 “You’ll have to get through me  first. ” 

 San turned his ice cold gaze on Jisung and Minho felt his stomach drop.

 “San!” Seonghwa barked “Stand down!”

 But to Minho’s dismay, the blond refused, pulling out his two daggers. Jisung mimicked the action by pulling out his own cuffs, electricity shooting out in waves almost immediately. Minho’s heart felt like it was about to burst, his earlier anxiety now gone and replaced with the stress of their current situation. No one seemed to want to stop the imposing forces, not even Chan, who was having an intense staring match with Hoongjong. All the meanwhile, the red hue from the sirens continued to flash all around.

 Minho looked to Seonghwa, who seemed just as tense, but as they locked eyes, was relieved to find a similar sense of panic in them.

  This was not the time to be fighting each other. Seonghwa gets that.

 Minho opened his mouth, ready to say whatever necessary to quell the two fighters. But before he could get a single sound out, a new voice sounded from behind him, one he did not recognize.

 “Stand down San. They are telling the truth.”

 All heads spun around to look at the incoming newcomer, his ash blond hair growing past his ears, all messy bedhead like. His face remained calm and neutral, but Minho could tell from his eyes that the stranger was looking past Minho and them to stare straight at San as a sort of warning. 

 “Yeosang” Yunho breathed.

[ruiyuki-archives]

Star Tear AU - Alt. Timeline: Todoroki ver. [Part 1]

This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive.

Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Aug 2020

Momo ver. Alternate timeline: Todo ver. Part 1 || Todo ver. Part 2 || Todo ver. Part 3

Star tears in which Todoroki falls for Momo first.

shortly after the exam with Aizawa he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but just admires her strength and quick thinking

and him hanging out with Deku and Iida at lunch means Todo hears all the nice and good things Momo does when she and Iida to discuss class prez stuff

which intensifies this ??admiration?? and respect more

and he just?? Holds onto those feelings unable to figure out what they are until idk maybe holidays where 1A and 1B throw that holiday hotpot party

and Momos really cute lookin’ in that Santa hat she made with the festive turtleneck

and so that feeling inside Todo grows into something more??? bc "oh shit she cute".... and Todo’s blushing while looking at her from afar. Probably.

so Todo talks to Fuyumi abt it and Fuyumi’s like: “I think you like her Shouto”

and he writes to his mom abt it and Rei's like: “she sounds like a lovely girl Shouto”

and he texts Natsuo abt it and Natsu's like: “aw little bro has a crush”

but all the while this is happening, Momo's gotten closer with Iida over class prez stuff and hero stuff and everyone in 1A (read: mina and hagakure) think iimomo might be a thing???

ofc Momo denies it and making excuses politely like "no no ofc not we're being responsible class prez and vice prez" but she’s kinda stuttery while doing so, so no one buys it

and no ones brave enough to ask Iida except Ochako but he gives some straight laced answer like "i admire her work ethic and respect her as a hero and vice prez" but he also has some tint of blush across his cheeks

so idk fast forward to graduation where Todo's been holding onto these feelings for Momo since first year and iimomo is still very very likely

so its all cherry blossom petals flying around and congratulatory celebrations

and when Todo sees Momo amongst the sakura trees smiling like he's never seen before (bc they're finally officially heroes!!) he thinks she’s beautiful

but just as he's about to approach her, Iida approaches her and Todo can see she's blushing and he knows its really not good to eavesdrop on one of his best friends and the girl he likes

But... he's curious.

or so he lies to himself.

Ofc what he hears isnt what he ever wants to,,,,

cuz Iida just confessed to her.

and she feels the same.

and a star tear slips from Todo's eye as he walks away.

he stops mid step as he touches his cheek bc he didnt even realize he was crying

but what are these tears??? What’s happening?? He's never had these before bc even though Todo is an emotional crier, he doesn’t cry that often.. only when he is completely overwhelmed with emotion

so he has this dumbfounded expression staring at his fingers as these star tears are twinkling out of his eyes catching sunlight and sakura petals

until he hears "Youre a fucking idiot" from a few steps away

Bakugou. 

(Baku really likes eavesdropping ok its not the first time lol)

Baku: theyre called star tears.

Todo: You know what these are?

Baku: it happens when you like someone and that person doesnt like you back, idiot.

Todo: ... oh.

Baku: get that shit sorted or you'll go blind

(And for those who are curious, yes maaaayyybe Bakugou has a case of the stars in this timeline too, that’s how he knows. To whom? I'll let you decide bc honestly, I just want todobaku brotp bonding over unrequited love)

so now Todo thinks he might be fucked. One of his best friends confessed to the girl he likes too and she likes him back and now Todo has this disease that might make him go blind and might get in the way of heroing (which they've all secured post graduation positions by now) and what can he do about it?

nothing, says the doctor he sees. The disease is not curable and the only way to stop it is to have your feelings returned else you'll go colour blind and then completely blind, so he's told.

ya he's really fucked.

maybe its a good thing then, that he doesnt cry often. It makes it easier to ice over these feelings, freeze them in time with the memories of U.A.; of his last congratulations to her and her smile at the end of the ceremony an hour after he overheard that confession

maybe its another good thing that right after graduation, everyone went off to their own positions as side kicks with agencies across japan, focusing on heroing

but its 3 months after graduation that Iida tells Deku and Todoroki that he is seeing Momo when they meet up every Friday to catch up

its 6 months after graduation that its publicly announced in Hero Magazine that Ingenium and Creati are dating

its 9 months after graduation that he sees Iida and Momo attending the Hero Association's rising stars gala as a couple and are seated at the same table as them

(Bakugou is scowling at him across the table.)

Todo tries. He really does. To be happy for them.

but he's angry at himself that he can't be happy for them. That it saddens him to see Momo glowing under the ballroom lights but its not himself to make her shine like that, its Iida. That he sees she is the one to make Iida genuinely happy in the way his eyes light up when he smiles at her.

and all three times Todo goes home, lies down alone in his room, an arm slung across his forehead as the star tears leak from his eyes.

he starts to lose seeing colour at 12 months.

after 24 months he needs glasses for colour correction (and ironically gets a sponsorship with the brand. The fashion magazines print headlines for weeks "Hot-Cold Hero Shouto Fall Fashion! See page 7 spread for his newest spotted specks and turtle necks")

at 36 months Iida breaks the news. Iida's gonna propose to Yaoyorozu and wants him, Deku, and his brother to be his groomsmen

she said yes.

and a part of Todo washes away with the star tears flooding him room and twinkling against the tatami.

he tries to stay out of the wedding planning as much as possible. He'll go to the tuxedo fittings as requested and still keep up hearing the updates when seeing Iida and Deku for their weekly get together on Friday nights. 

But for anything involving Momo's presence, there will always be a "sorry i have a mission that week", "sorry im visiting my mom", "sorry Endeavor needs to see me about the agency"

... all excuses Bakugou knows, but the others pay no mind. They are rising heroes near the top of the billboard by now

month 48. Wedding day.

she's stunning. Gorgeous. A near goddess walking down the aisle on her big day.

but she's not walking down for him. No its for iida.

there was the ceremony, the cheers, the congratulations, the reception. Fairy lights around the dance floor and along the walls, champagne glittering after the sound of a cork

Todoroki stands off to against the wall as the night dies down, a glass in hand, watching the newly weds grace the dance floor.

someone slides up beside him, he feels the presence. Bakugou.

"She's beautiful isnt she?"

"Yeah."

. . .

a star tear falls from Todoroki's eyes, twinkle hidden among the fairy lights and champagne glitter.

she's beautiful, but maybe its a good thing I can't see

somebody said: what if she knows everything that had happened and the reason why he couldn't continue his career is bc of her?

me: ok you’re asking for it

Momo, 3 months pregnant with iimomo baby, announces with Iida the news to their friends

the soon to be parents want to choose godparents for the baby so Iida gets to choose the baby’s godmother and Momo gets to choose the godfather

and ofc along with the announcement Momo asks Todoroki to be the kid’s godfather

he can’t say no to her.

the same week later Todo and Momo's agencies are requested to deal with this one villain case while Ingenium's agency deals with another in another town (later turns out the cases were connected)

small talk, civil, very professional between Momo and Todo when they’re in the debriefing

at this point Todo's pretty much completely blind and uses some special contact lenses from Hatsume to help "see"

but the contact lenses can only do so much as to detect light movement and shadows and it reallllllllly doesnt work well when he's using his fire 

so Todo already had tossed around the idea of running away to the mountains like Roy did in the FMA 2003 ending, "mysteriously" retiring bc really his vision cannot keep up

until this last mission with Momo

and really its been nearly a decade now since they last worked together side by side (not since U.A. he thinks).. so just let the blind man be selfish one last time

and so smth smth missiom happens, Todo and Momo fighting side by side

but Momo senses there’s something off with Todo's movements? His reflexes are slower.. it doesnt seem like he's prediciting the opponents moves like he used to.. he's more so reacting and retaliating than attacking..

she chalks it up to that they havent fought side by side in a long time and his style must’ve changed and really, she doesnt know him anymore... not like she used to

smth smth 3 months pregnant Momo gets hurt, knocked unconscious for a bit

Todo saves her

and when she comes to, while Todo's holding her, star tears fall onto her cheek from Todo's eyes. 

She's shocked. Reaches up to gently graze a finger tip at his left cheek.

"Todoroki-san, these are?"

and again its like Todo didnt realize he was crying. He jerks away from her hand and brushes her off with "its nothing”. Changes the subject with "are you ok?"

Momo: yes.. i think so

Todo: and the baby?

Momo, sitting up: we're ok I think

Todo, moving away: good

the mission concludes and they meet up with Ingenium’s group to wrap up the two ends. Todo slips away before Iida and Momo and approach him

theres no activity from Todoroki for the next month

neither Iida, Deku or anyone else in 1A know where he went except the Hero Association's vague comment on "Hot Cold Hero Shouto has taken a sudden indefinite hiatus"

(Only Todo’s family knows and Endeavor asked the Association to say "hiatus" instead of "retirement" bc Enji wants to believe in his son making a comeback. He didnt stop Shouto from taking off)

and ofc Momo upon hearing this is so confused??? Her last mission with him was the last time she saw him and he was crying. Why was he crying? Strange star tears twinkling and landing on her cheeks? What even is that phenomenon?

its too many questions and ofc Momo's gonna investigate. For the sake of her friend.

so she digs up all the texts she can find on star tears. Internet search all the possibilities. Consults the doctors at the hospital. Even asks Tenya if Todoroki has been acting strangely during their weekly catch ups.

but Tenya tells her Todoroki hasnt been the the meet ups since after their wedding

so she asks anyone in their pro hero circle of associates she can think of. Tsukiyomi, Burnin', heros from his agency, anyone she can think of that has worked with Todoroki before and could comment on his behaviour

no body knows. No body noticed anything different either. Sure there were some off days but the Hot Cold Hero Shouto was always on his game being one of the top 3 heroes on the billboard charts

she searches and searches, splitting time interviewing colleagues and researching the possible star tears phenomenon

until eventually her search takes her to...

Bakugou.

Of course.

Momo, pleading: please Bakugou, you know something about him dont you?

Bakugou, who at this point had been very careful trying not to get cornered knowing her investigation: save it pony tail, you’re about to have a baby. Go have people harass you about that brat in your oven instead of harassing other people

Momo, nearly begging: please. You and I both know he's strong and a good hero that would not suddenly retire. Whatever he is doing, he might need help.. please tell me Bakugou.

... theres something about pregnant women that you cant say no to.

Bakugou, relenting: tch. The half ass is somewhere in Yokohama

and thats all she needs nearly running waddling (as fast as a pregnant woman could) out the door

Bakugou, calling out after her, still reluctant: when find that half ass, i suggest you throw him a gift. Literally. Throw it at him. He deserves it.

she finds him along the port, watching the sunset in Yokohama (its really not that hard to find someone with heterochromia and two tone hair in a city, especially if youre a hero that knows what methods heroes will use to go incognito)

and for some inkling of a feeling, Momo takes Bakugou's advice. She has a carton of strawberry milk in hand.

Momo, a few feet away from him: Todoroki-san, it's been a while.

Todo, turning his head in her direction: Yaoyorozu...?

Momo, sadly smiling: the sunset is beautiful here isnt it?

Todo, brows furrowing: .. sure. Yaoyorozu what are you doing here--

Momo, interrupting him: --i brought some snacks. Strawberry milk, you liked this while we were in school right? Catch.

she tosses it at him.

he tries to reach out.

But he'es completely off. And misses

Momo, sad: Todoroki-san. You're blind, arent you?

Todo, guilty: ah.

Momo, tearing up: will you please tell me?

he still can say no to her and confesses his story

and when he's finished telling the tale of star tears, the stars above are twinkling too

she's crying and choking and sobbing through tears and its intensified by baby Iida with pregnancy hormones

But the last thing she manages to croak out at the very least is still wholly her

She apologizes

“Im so sorry Todoroki- san. I cant love you that way.”

“I know.”

END NOTES:

red is the last color Todoroki wanted to lose because it reminds him of Momo

during missions, as long as he could see her, “that’s ok” he thought. she is the only one he sees in color. that is okay with him

to him, Momo is his shining star. And there’s something tragically poetic of him losing his sight to the stars if its for his shining star Momo

He leaves the last stars in a tiny little jar like those paper stars as a gift for her with just the words on a note "goodbye Momo" the day after she finds him in Yokohama

Momo has the jar of stars forever on her bedside and looks at them with this melancholy expression. Baby Iida grows up and asks mom: "what is that jar of stars?" 

Momo responds: "a gift from someone that was blinded by love"

Bakugou in this timeline had a case of star tears too but I'd like to think he got his feelings requited so he never went blind to contrast Todo

So thats why Baku is (begrudgingly) sympathetic to Todo cuz he thinks: “that could’ve been me”

The ending shot of a blind Todoroki in a dark room, all alone, eyes closed, thinking back to Momo's shining smile from UA surrounded by star light with a sad smile on his face and it fades to black

> archives masterpost

[71tenseventeen]

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)-16

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

Warnings for sexual content, male pregnancy, non-hockey Sid. Sid and Taylor’s ages have been altered to fit the story.

Perpetual credit to my betas, @queen-alia and @icosahedonist as well as the GC and @ljummen.

When Sid wakes sometime later, it’s slowly, his brain foggy. He slowly realizes Geno isn’t there anymore but he’s too tired to go looking so he stays and dozes on and off for awhile longer. Eventually he wakes enough to realize he’s parched and the water bottle on the coffee table is empty so he pushes up with a soft groan and slowly makes his way to the kitchen.  

The lights are on and he calls softly, “Geno?”

“In here,” comes the reply from the kitchen and then Geno pops up in the doorway.

“Is it okay if I stay tonight? I—” Sid freezes, words dying in his throat as he spots a familiar looking man sitting at Geno’s table, staring at him wide-eyed.  

“Of course you stay. You okay? Feel sick? Need drink?”

Sid shakes his head. “No, I—just tired but... “ He looks up at Geno, eyes filled with worry.

“Is okay, Sid. This Flower and he know. He my friend, can trust, you know?”

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah of, um, of course,” Sid fumbles his words before looking nervously at the goalie, cheeks getting pinker with every word. “Hi, um, Mr. Flower. Mr. Fleury.”

Flower grins and crosses the kitchen to extend his hand. “Mr. Flower has a nice ring to it—OW!” He rubs the spot on his arm that Geno just punched and rolls his eyes. “Call me Flower.”

Sid shakes his hand briefly, still glancing around nervously and Geno clears his throat. “Flower just leaving, yes?”

“I—Yeah okay,” he says, narrowing his eyes at Geno. “We’ll talk tomorrow after practice.”

Once Flower is gone, Sid looks at Geno. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he says, gently catching Sid’s chin with his fingers. “Nothing be sorry for, you not do anything wrong.”

“But you had to tell him.”

“Was going to tell him anyway. PR think maybe I should wait so I do but then he come in and pretty obvious something up.” Geno shrugs. “I’m not worried. He’s my best friend on team. I trust him.”

“Okay,” Sid says, taking a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Now, how you feel? Shouldn’t be up so much, need rest to feel better.”

“I was just coming for another bottle of water and to ask if I can stay.”

“Sid,” Geno looks at him with an expression that falls somewhere between frustration and fondness as he pushes Sid’s hair back gently. “Of course you stay. Never have to ask.”

“Okay,” he replies softly. “Thanks.”

The next morning Sid still isn’t feeling great. He’s foggy and tired even though he slept so much but he has class so he drags himself to the kitchen and does his best to choke down a few bites of toast.

He knows Geno is watching him so it’s not entirely a surprise when he suggests Sid go back to bed for a little while. “I can’t. I have class.”

Geno frowns. “What time classes done?”

“3:30.”

That makes Geno smile. “How about I drive you to class and then pick you up after. Bring you back so you rest some more.”

“That’s really nice G, but I can’t do that. I have to work at 5.”

Geno’s frown gets deeper. “You work late?”

Sid shrugs. “Til close tonight.”

Geno doesn’t look thrilled but he just takes a breath and nods. “Make sure drink and eat, okay? And take break when can.”

“I will, G. I promise.”

“Okay. When you come back?”

Sid thinks for a moment before answering, “I’m done Wednesday at 2.”

Geno lights up at that. “I have meeting until 3 but you come and I meet you here when I’m done?”

“I can wait until you’re here.”

“Whatever you want, Sid, but you can come if want. Swim.” Geno grins because he knows he’s got Sid now.

Sid turns away, trying to hide his smile. “We’ll see.”

Sid still isn’t feeling great by Wednesday. He’s been busy with school and had two long shifts and not enough sleep. He threw up again yesterday but hasn’t told Geno because he knows what the response will be. It’s just because of the heat and exhaustion, he tells himself and thinks once he gets a good night’s sleep he’ll feel better. He always does.

So he has every intention of heading for the pool except he decides to sink down on the couch for a few seconds to cool off and that’s the last thing he remembers until he feels a warm hand gently pushing his hair back and Geno’s soft voice. “Sid? Sorry to wake you but you been asleep a long time. Think maybe I check to make sure you okay.”

Sid nods and sits up, slowly stretching his arms out. “I guess I fell asleep.”

Geno nods. “Find you like this when I get home earlier, figure you probably worn out.”

“What time is it?”

“Not late—little after six.”

Sid’s eyes shoot wide. “What? I slept that long? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Geno smiles fondly. “Because if you asleep, you need sleep. I not mind. But do want to check on you now. Maybe you can eat and drink something?”

“Yeah. Yeah for sure. Sorry.”

“I already tell you, it’s okay. Stop apologize. Come, I made dinner.”

It isn’t until Sid is sitting in front of his plate that he realizes he’s famished and digs in. He has hopes that he can still take a dip after dinner but even as he’s rinsing his plate, his head is starting to feel heavy. He takes a few deep breaths but before he can turn to head back to a chair a wave of vertigo hits him so fast he barely has time to grip the counter for balance. Geno is at his side in a second, worry all over his face. “What happen? You okay?”

Sid nods but he’s really not. “I think I just need to sit down.”  

“Okay. Come on. I got you.” He slips a steady arm around Sid’s waist, helping him to the table.

Sid puts his head down and the dizziness slowly subsides until he finally looks up, flashes a sheepish grin at a very worried looking Geno. “Sorry.”

“Maybe should take you to doctor. Scare me, Sid.”

“No, I’m okay; just got a little dizzy. It’s just been really hard to handle the heat this week but I don’t need to go to the doctor. It happens sometimes.”

Geno frowns; Sid knows he doesn’t like it but he finally nods. “Don’t think you should swim tonight.”

Sid nods. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

They settle together on the couch but within minutes Sid’s having a hard time keeping his eyes open so Geno gently ushers him up to the guest room he’s been sleeping in.

“It’s too early,” Sid complains, even as he’s shucking most of his clothes and climbing into bed.

“Not too early. You need rest.”

“Sorry,” Sid mumbles. “Not very good company today.”

Geno smiles. “You always best company.”

Part 17

[krpk-remaking]

Dr Sex Epic Character - maxx @maxxeruz

Leorio Paladinight is easily one of the most underrated hxh characters, both within the fandom, merch and the manga itself, because he really is the most normal out of the main four and i really think he should be appreciated more because hes a great character!

Once again, shoutout to Mags @senritsus for helping with this! Go follow him!!

Im gonna be talking about Leorios Character, where his arc will go, and his connection with Kurapika. This is gonna be a little harder than writing Kurapika meta, since theres (sadly) a lot less Leorio content and we know a lot less about his background but ill try my best! Leorio deserves it.

Reading my Kurapika meta might make this a little more enjoyable, since i touched on Leorios and Kurapikas relationship more in depth there but you can read this post without reading it!

1 . Leorios Personality And His Past

When we first meet Leorio, hes introduced as a stupid, greedy and quick to anger Pervert, not an uncommon trope for a comedic relief character in anime. Those comedic relief characters often lack personality beyond that, a fact that is actually commented on by Kurapika.

But thanks to Kurapika, about seven chapters in, we learn more about Leorio and his motivations and as the manga goes on, it becomes obvious that there is way more to Leorio than just someone whos there for comedic relief.

Leorio grew up in (presumably extreme) poverty, loosing a friend due to their lack of money, motivating him to want to become a doctor whos able to help people for free.

"I'm a simple guy. Figured I'd become a doctor... so I could cure some kid with the same disease, tell his parents they owed me nothing! Me... A doctor! Now there's a joke!! Do you know how much it costs to even try to become a doctor? The mind boggles!! It's always about money! Always!! That's why I want it!"

Knowing this, Leorios character already gains a lot of depth. Sadly, the manga doesnt mention when exactly his friend died but the 2011 Anime follows the manga more closely so ill go with the fact that his friend died when they were younger. Most of Leorios actions can be explained with the guilt he feels over the death of his friend, how useless he often feels and the way his upbringing in poverty affected him, for example at the very beginning, the fight he picks with Kurapika stems from the fact that Kurapika didnt respect him and was acting as if he was better than him.

Leorio absolutely hates feeling like hes at a disadvantage, or like someone is looking down on him, probably due to getting little respect during his childhood due to his poverty. This also just might be the reason for him to constantly dress in a suit, something that rich, important people often wear. He often overplays his pride, puts up a facade and the way he presents himself really just screams overcompensation in so many ways

Here, he gets upset at Killua because he feels disadvantaged once again. This feeling of inferiority is often the reason for the fights Leorio has with Kurapika and in this instance Killua, he absolutely hates being looked down on. The Other reason he fights with someone early on is, because they dont value life in his eyes, for example the old woman who was asking them to choose between two human lives, toying with them per say, and not valuing them.

Leorio values human life, especially those of his friends over everything else and has a strong sense of Morality, since he did acknowledge he was in the wrong and apologized to the old lady.

When Hisoka was playing with the lives of the others during the hunter exam, as well as Leorios and his friends, Leorio got upset once again and, knowing just how powerful Hisoka was attacked him anyways with no regard for his safety.

He mentions “being toyed with” twice, something people do with people they look down on/are stronger than, where Leorios hate of feeling inferior once again comes back to show.

But, While Leorio absolutely hates being regarded worse than everyone, he also dislikes being viewed as someone whos better than everyone and gets very embarassed everytime someone compliments him/shows him positive attention. This is either due to the fact that he isnt used to it, or that he doesnt think he deserves it (note how hes always drawn with an embarassed blush).

Leorio is a very selfless man, whos ready to do everything in his power to help his friends because he doesnt want to ever lose another friend again. During the election arc, he focuses his entire speech around wanting to help Gon and uses his power to call for everyone to try and help Gon,

when Illumi manipulates Killua into killing during the hunter exam arc, Leorio is ready to give up his hunter licence for Killua,

And, being well aware of what Illumi was capable of, refused to let him through the door to protect Gon.

reassured Killua, showing his intense care for his friends (and little kids since Killua had actually not even been that nice to him),

When Killua had to fight against the serial killer, before they knew about his real strength, Leorio assured him that he wouldnt have to fight,

he willingly risked his life and let hundreds of snakes bite him just to warn Kurapika and Gon and to assure their chances of success, and before that tried to disband their team so they could still advance if he failed,

and, without any fear, they couldve sense that, stared down and yelled at the phantom troupe.

Leorio hates feeling useless and despite that, often does. He felt useless when his friend died and thus decided to become a doctor to cope with this guilt, he felt useless when Gon was sick, like his friend, and he couldnt do anything once again and he feels useless when Kurapika wont let him help him and wont let him reach out but despite that he keeps trying, to fight his guilt, to make sure that Kurapika is safe and to do his best to help.

He describes studying to become a doctor as something he does for himself, he doesnt see that notion, becoming a doctor to help people for free, as something selfless that should be admired.

He doesnt see becoming a doctor as something that he should brag with or that people should know. When he first meets Gon and Kurapika he puts up the front of wanting money to buy cars, mansions, wine, etc, all things one usually would want with money, when he really wanted the money to study so he could help people. Leorio thinks hes useless and good for nothing while everyone else fights and he just “selfishly” studies, but hes not useless at all and obviously studying to become a doctor to help the poor isnt something thats selfish at all. Maybe his motivations, to deal with his guilt over losing a friend, are a little selfish but the fact that he even blames himself and that he copes by trying to protect and value life wherever he can show that Leorio himself isnt a selfish person, hes someone whos ready to put his life on the line for his friends and others any day, despite being less reckless than the other three.

He sees Kurapikas quest for revenge as something noble, while he thinks very little of himself. Even during the election arc, after he had come into second and third place multiple times he was still convinced, somehow, that no one was gonna vote for him.

Even Ging a very experienced and talented hunter, though he is a terrible person, thinks highly of Leorio,

even copying the punch he threw at him, which Leorio, as Ging theorizes, mightve developed to get rid of tumors that are unreachable with operation, showing just how smart Leorio really is.

Leorio is someone whos been alone a lot and, while hes the least reckless and best at selfcare out of all four protagonists, had little regard for himself in especially the first arc, where he just kept jumping into dangerous situation. An explanation for that could be, that he had no one to care about and no one that cared about him before he went to take the hunter exam since weve never actually heard about any family he had or has. He could possibly be an orphan, explaining the missing mention of any family and the extreme attachment he has to Gon, Killua and Kurapika.

Him being orphaned would also perfectly fit into hunter x hunters theme of finding new family after losing another, Kurapika losing his entire clan, Gon losing his father, Killua losing his entire family except Alluka since his family is terrible and as good as dead to him and Leorio just never having really had one. So, the reason he becomes a little more responsible in arcs after the hunter exam is probably, that he finally had people to care about again, that also cared about him so now he doesnt feel like no one would miss him if he died anymore.

In short, Leorio, while being extremely selfless, caring, fearless, moral and empathic, thinks very little of himself and often feels useless and selfish. He cares most about the well being of his friends and has deep rooted feelings of guilt about the death of his friend, even though it was out of his control and he doesnt believe that his goal to be a doctor or really just he himself is deserving of any praise.

His wish to be a doctor is a mix of that extreme internalized guilt from “letting” his friend die, his selflessness that just got pushed up by the guilt and the empathy he gained by growing up in poverty and the first hand experience on why exactly free healthcare is needed.

2. Leorios Relationship With Kurapika, His Guilt, And How His Arc Could End

I wont go in depth about them here, since i already have one that multiple times but they truly are so, so important to eachother and are in many ways two sides of the same coin. Both of them have lost people close to them and theyve dealt with it in such different ways. It made Leorio want to protect life and heal people, focusing his nen around helping others (see: the punch he used being something he actually developed to deal with tumors) and it made Kurapika want to destroy life and kill people, taking revenge and destroying himself in the process, mirrored within his nen ability too (as it literally kills him to use emperor time, one hour of his life for every second). So this set-up, combined with the guilt Leorio feels over not being able to help his friend or Gon, combined with how important they are to eachother, combined with how the current arc has the both together on that boat, I feel like it would really make sense for Leorio to finally be able to save someone, furthering his character arc in a very satisfying way and also helping Kurapikas arc, letting him accept help from others and becoming less self destructive.

“Leorio is an unabashedly selfless character who very deliberately centered his life around helping others and the thought that he cant do that with Kurapika is definitely something he tries to take blame for.” (directly quoted from mags @senritsus <3) If something were to happen to Kurapika while Leorio is near and on top of that on doctor duty, where helping people is his only job, i couldnt imagine the guilt Leorio would feel. Hes always been looking out for Kurapika since they became close friends (and maybe the nearest thing to a best friend either had had in years) during the hunter exam and Kurapika did always try to be someone who calmed Leorio and helped him be more rational, though that changed when he began his down spiral after killing his first person and they drifted further apart and Leorio took on the job of calming down Kurapika.

Kurapika calming Leorio VS

Leorio calming Kurapika

Kurapika is in desperate need of saving and having Leorio be that person to save him would be so perfect for both of their arcs.

This arc already set up the tension in their relationship at the very beginning, or atleast before the succession war began and i do believe it has to be resolved (relatively) soon, especially because of this (once again my favorite) panel, showing Leorio as one of the four people Kurapika cares most about.

And, to quote my Kurapika meta post about this panel, Hes thinking about moments where they made him happy/made him care about them, Gon and Killua with their food fight in the park where they cheered him up and Leorio on the phone. Its him calling to check up on Kurapika. Kurapika really did appreciate it so much, even if he doesnt show it, even if he keeps pushing Leorio away. And he does care about them, even if he doesnt want to! The way Leorio expresses care for his friends, which is very vocal and direct, is so good for Kurapika because even if he still cant really believe or accept it, its still something he appreciates, somehow. I am not (!) saying that they will definitely end up with eachother but they are definitely incredibly important to the others character development and i dont think Togashi will forget about that.

If youve read all this, thank you so so much i really appreciate it! Leorio is an incredible Character that deserves more love and i hope everything i wrote here is coherrent!! If i made any mistakes or if you just have any thoughts youd like to share on this topic please send me an ask! <3

[teddy-feathers]

A long... Complaint

Do you know what its like to have a really good day? Honestly good with nothing holding you back from it? It feels like betrayal. Because I can't have this. Most of my life all of my good days come with a catch. Doubts. Worries. Fear. I'm going to mess up. I'm just a bother. Hell I feel guilty - legitiment reason or not - about having ANY sort of fun ever. And today I laughed and smiled harder than I have in years. I felt good had fun. Believed I have friends and that it matters. I felt like a part of something but I didnt do so much as to feel annoying. I was loud and explosive and whiny and demanding and had lots of feelings about things FOR FUN and didn't once feel like I was a monster for it and when the thought crossed my mind I IGNORED it because it felt false for the first time I can EVER remember. I talked about something I knew nothing about. Learned some tid bits and ran with it with little too no care about the accuracy, just made up my mind that this sounded good and didnt waste time worrying about it. I wrote sad shit, or... Problematic shit that usually makes me feel out of sorts because to write ANYTHING I basically shove the mimic emotions of that personality in my head and live as that person and write it and it DIDNT bother me one iota. And when I got tired I stopped. I didn't persue more trying to squeeze as much good feelings as I could before I shut down for god knows how long. I wasnt worried for once. The good feelings werent going any where. I've got a lot on my plate and I didn't worry about it or feel it haunting me. I read. I enjoyed myself. Loved people. Had a good time. And REGRET NOTHING. And now its ten thirty. I'm winding down and tired. And I can feel it slipping away. It hurts. Because if I was normal I could feel like this more than ... God I dont remember you know? The last time I felt this good I was JUST as terrified of it all it just felt worth it. But i could have this. If I had been good. Or if I wasnt fucked in the head. If made better choices. If I wasnt me basically. I will turn back into that anxious mess and know my good times have qualifiers, that my exsistance is... Look I just will know that days like this where I dont feel bad isnt because Ive numbed out the part that does the feeling bad but because i simple dont have to feel bad - i do this too myself - dont come every day. Or every year even. Its like I've had a taste of what I'd be like if I was more than stable. Like if I never even had to worry about emotional stability. It's not about how good a day it was - it was about how nothing hurt. Hell nothings really bothering me yet. By my normal standards I'm still having a motherfucking fabulous day I'm barely worried. But nothing hurt and I'm going to go back to walking on eggshells. Its like the pain scale they give you at the doctors. People in chronic pain? Their scale is by necessity of their exsistance differnet than the average person's. So yeah. I'm more sensitive to emotional pain but I exsist in a constant state of it and today I felt none of it. Just appropriate responses to things while having a kick ass fucking day. And now I can feel it creeping back in with the night and I'll wake up and feel everything again. I dont feel sorry for myself, I just... Am sorry if that makes any sense. Because I cant have this. Maybe I'll have more days like this but it'll always be the exception for me.

[kqnsc5yt-blog]

What are insurance rates on a ninja zx 6r?

What are insurance rates on a ninja zx 6r?

im 19 my frist bike and i took the motorcycle safety course

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecheap.us

SOURCES:

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