#excitement and expectancy. lovingly puts a flower on him to match hers with his promise of forever in mind thinking its not far while he ha

[bittergloss]

--I only wish to be with you from dusk to dawn, watching the world's frost and snow. Just want to wander long streets and narrow alleys with you, watching the moon on the eave.--

THE LAST IMMORTAL 神隐(2023) - EP. 14 Dir. Chan Ka Lam

[xeulousluv]

Almost

AN: Hello everyone, I am fairly new to posting on this app, so therefore I am still learning how to use it. Hehe :) Anyways, I hope you are having a great day!

Warning: Nothing really, maybe a little bit of angst? 

Zayn and Y/n broke up and all he’s left with are the videos she took during their senior year of high school.

September 1st, 2010: 

The camera was set up in her hand as she was slightly fixing her hair, a huge smile plastered on her makeup covered face. He always thought she looked better without makeup, but sometimes you couldn’t beat the insecurities. 

“Here we are, the first day of senior year! How are we feeling, Zayn?” 

Next to her stood himself, a much younger version of himself. Two years to be exact. He was almost unrecognizabel, with his usual high school attire adoring his body. A white tee-shirt, black skinny jeans, and not to mention his varsity football jacket hanging off of his shoulders. She looked lovingly at her boyfriend, her eyelashes beating against the softness of her rounded cheeks. 

“I’m ready to get out of here, the last three years were the upmost worst years of my life.” Zayn spoke truthfully, he hadn’t expected to make it past the ninth grade, but with the help of Y/n, he managed to make it all the way to his graduating year. Y/n gave him an offended look before responding, “Hey! If it weren’t for these last three years, you would’ve never met me, let alone had the courage to talk to me. Am I really that bad?” 

She laughed out while speaking, all so he knows that she is joking and would never accuse him of thinking such things. Though, he was already two steps ahead of her and was laughing along at her sad attempt of looking offended. “Of course not, baby. You are what kept me going.” With that, Zayn kissed her temple and she let out a small giggle before stopping the camera. 

September 5th, 2010:

Random small talk was heard on the computer sitting in front of Zayn, before her face showed with a bright glow. She was so beautiful it almost hurt. She was laughing at something her friend Emery said, though it was completely inaudible, he just let the smile take over his face hearing her laugh again. 

“I don’t exactly know why I turned this on, but hello! We successfully made it through the first week of school, and let me just say, it was not fun. The teachers still hate me.” Again, Y/n laughed towards the camera. 

“I remember this one time last year when Mr. Lambert threw me out of class because I wouldn’t stop laughing. In my defence, he was talking about the safety of condoms and Zayn kept mocking him. That was a detention worth going to.” Zayn remembered that day clearly. He sat to the left of Y/n, Mr. Lambert’s first mistake, and would whisper in her ear how he would show her the proper way to wear a condom when they got to her house that night. To say he did end up showing her was an understatement. 

The camera then turned to her friend before she continued on with what she was saying, “Anyways, Emery here, has informed me about this back to school party for seniors at Anthony Stilettos house. So, we are heading to the mall so we can get a nice looking outfit for tonight. I’ll see you guys later!”  And with that the camera switched off.

He thought that was the end of the video, but when she popped back on his screen, he was pleasantly surprised. She wore a black dress that just reached her knees, the end of it rippled and flew each time she took a step. Her hair and makeup was done, and her shoes matched her dress, she really was the most beautiful person he has ever met. 

Without saying anything, Y/n moved the camera to where the view was now on Emery. She wore a simple tight red dress that fit her like a glove, she was placing bobby pins in her hair before realising a camera was watching her every move. Emery turned away from the mirror Y/n had in her room, and started making random poses into the camera. The video finally ended with Y/n facing the camera back to herself while laughing at it. 

October 7th, 2010: 

It was homecoming. Their final homecoming, and of course, Zayn asked her to be his date. He didn’t go all out like the previous years, this particular year was asked right after they finished giving each other their all. They were bunched up together, all sweaty and breathless, and that is when Zayn asked her to go to homecoming with him. He thought it was gross because of their previous activities, but Y/n thought it was sweet, endearing even. It was personal and intimate, she wouldn’t have had it any other way. Plus, she was tired of all the attention that comes with getting asked to homecoming. 

Her dress was a beautiful shade of baby yellow, Zayn wore his usual black suit but with a yellow tie and a yellow rose pinned to his coat pocket. The night couldn’t have been anymore magical. 

“Z, are you ready to go? Emmy and Dallas are waiting in the car.” Her soft voice echoed through the speakers, she was worried about being late. But more so, excited about what the night had planned for the couple. Zayn was fixing his hair, like he does any other day, however today, he wanted to look his absolute best. “Just one more second, love. Gotta look perfect before leaving these four secured walls.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes into the camera before another smile took over her face. It only got wider as he finally announced that he was ready. 

“Baby, you look handsome! You don’t need all that hair gel, make one wrong move and we’re calling you Uncle Jesse.” Zayn scoffed, his hands finding their place on her hips, him being pressed up against her back. His chin resting on her shoulder, they looked so in love. They were so in love. 

October 31st, 2010: 

Fall was Y/n’s favorite season, meaning Halloween was by far her favorite holiday. She squealed into the camera when Zayn walked out in his Peter Pan costume. “Baby, you look so fucking adorable!” She cooed, though Zayn was having none of it. “Do we have to go to this party? Can’t we just stay in and watch scary movies, I promise I will protect you if you get too scared!”

He knew it was no use, Y/n had been going on and on about Anthony’s costume party for the past week, so when she started laughing, Zayn internally groaned. “Brave of you to assume I will get scared during a horror movie. How about we go for just an hour, then you and I can come back here and watch whatever movie you want?” 

At that, his ears perked, he could go for an hour. That gives him all the more time alone with his love. “Hocus Pocus? That’s my favorite.” 

“Yes baby, we can watch Hocus Pocus, do this for me, and I’m all yours for the rest of the night.” A grin was stretched across his face as she leaned up and gave a peck to his lips. Adoration shining brightly in her eyes as she looked up at him. “You are so lucky I love you, Y/n.” 

“I love you, Zayn. More than you will ever know.” 

December 31st, 2010:

“Hola, my favorite people! Happy New Years Eve, I hope you guys are having a good day. My family is having a little party to bring in the new year, even though you won’t be watching this until later when I decide to post it, I hope you guys have an amazing holiday. Be safe now. Bye!”

Christmas and New Year’s was hard for Y/n. She had major separation anxiety for everyone she grows close to, so not being able to see the people she loves for a whole two weeks was taking a toll on her. Not to mention, Zayn went back to Bradford for the holidays, so he wasn’t there to keep her calm. All she had was the emails and messages he would send her.  

However, that night was different. She didn’t know what it was, but the air felt more intoxicating. There was something she was missing and the young girl couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Emery got ahold of Y/n’s camera without her noticing, pressing the ‘record’ button and smiling.

“Hi, as many of you may know, my name is Emery White. Before questions start racing through your head about where Y/n is, she is currently in the kitchen talking to one of her neighbors, and she knows nothing about this so, shhh!” Emery held her index finger up to her mouth, even though she is talking to a camera. 

“So, the time is now 11:58, meaning it is almost New Year’s and I got a message from a good friend of mine to get her camera and start recording. Oh wait, she’s coming over! Act normal!” 

“Emmy? Why do you have my camera, wait no, when did you get my camera?” Emery turned her neck to look at Y/n, and smiled while looking at her friends confused face. “It’s almost midnight, I figured we could record the big moment for your journal thing.” 

Y/n looked at her watch and sure enough, it was 12:59, and the people around her were counting down. By the time Y/n looked back at her friend, Emery had switched her position to behind the camera, her smile now stretching to her eyes. She gave a confused smile towards the camera before shaking her head. 

10..

9..

8..

A tap was felt on Y/n’s shoulder making her turn around, not believing her eyes, she had to do a double take. There he was in all of his glory. Zayn stood in front of her with a bouquet of random flowers, her eyes widening in complete shock. 

3..

2..

1!

Before she could fully process his presence, Zayn had planted his lips against hers in what he would call, one of their best kisses. His arms went around her waist while hers were around his neck, keeping him as close as humanly possible. She was the first to pull away from the kiss, tears forming at the bottom of her eyes but never fell. Zayn pulled her back, this time her face went into his neck as he whispered out a small, “Happy New Years, baby.” 

May 22nd, 2011: 

Senior prom, a day Y/n has waited her entire life for. Getting all dolled up for one night of perfection sounded glorious. Unlike most people, her dress doesn’t reach the floor but goes a little ways past her knees. It was a light shade of green, she wasn’t usually one for the cliche pink and blue, and her stomach was laced over showing her belly button peircing. She felt on top of the world, the most gorgeous she has ever felt in her entire life. 

Zayn was in a nude tuxedo, a lightish green tie tucked into the blazer. “It’s prom day, baby, how do you feel?” The now well-known camera placed in front of his face, though he paid no attention to it, but really the girl behind it. “Like I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. How did I get so lucky, hm?” 

The blush was evident on her face, he could see it perfectly now even with the camera facing him and not herself. He could still see the light in her eyes. Looking back on it, he couldn’t imagine living his life without her, how could he let her go? 

It wasn’t like they got in a fight or anything, Zayn and Y/n were going to different colleges and he didn’t want to do the whole long distance thing. He felt she deserved better than that. So even though the breakup was absolutely not a mutual agreement, Y/n somewhat understood and let him walk away. 

“You’re such the charmer, Zayn. Always got me blushing for no good reason.” 

“I would be a bad boyfriend if I didn’t.” 

Now turning the camera to face both of them, Zayn placed a kiss on her lips before turning off the camera and letting their night go on as best as it could, for it would be one of the last good memories they have. Except at the time, neither of them knew the last time would actually be the last time. 

June 4th, 2011: 

“Hey everyone, I just want to start off by saying congratulations, we made it. Graduating today was the most amazing feelings, and I’m sure you all can agree with me. The past four years have really taught me a lot, I know I sound like the Mallory Barnes, our valedictorian that gave the speech today, but I’m serious, you all have been amazing. Teachers included.” 

Y/n wasn’t in her usual attire. She was in a comfortable baggy hoodie, and that’s all you could see as her camera was propped on the desk in the corner of the room. Her hair was in a messy bun, no makeup, and her glasses were sat perfectly on her nose. What no one could notice was the slight puffiness to her eyes, the way they were red and tired. But Zayn noticed, however. When Y/n first uploaded this to her instagram, Zayn couldn’t bare to watch it, so seeing it now definitely brought back a feeling he tried too hard to push away. 

“In the past four years I have learned about friendships, I learned about love, and I learned about heartbreak. I have got to say, high school brought me some really great friendships that I will cherish forever. I am finding it very difficult to say goodbye, but we are bound to go off and do bigger and better things. The future awaits for us.” 

“I just want to thank you guys for the amazing memories, and I hope you guys make your dreams come true.” Y/n sighed into the camera, she was really bad at saying goodbye, though you would think it would be easier considering no one likes high school. However, Y/n loved every single second of it, maybe not the learning but the memories made.

“Now, I am going to get really sappy for a minute and say a massive thank you to the man who has loved me for the past four years. Zayn, I know we haven’t talked in a few weeks, and you’re probably not even watching this, but just know that I am so proud of you.  I don’t know how I could not be. I really hope you make something wonderful of yourself. You were by far my favorite part of this journey. Thank you for sticking with me and for loving me. And even though we aren’t together anymore, I love you.”

“We almost had it all, didn’t we?” 

AN: Yeah, I don't think I like this babahahah. Love the concept but someone out there could definitely write it better. 

[nashibirne]

Painkiller - 10

So here it is, the last part of Painkiller. It's time to let Henry and Ella start into a bright and happy future, it has taken them long enough to get there. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Parts 1 - 9 can be found here: Nashi's Masterlist

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Ella)

Warnings: RPF, NSFW, 18+, fluff, sex, smut, unprotected sex (don't do this at home, kids!), oral sex (f receiving), dirty talking,

Unbeta'ed! English is not my first language, so expect wrong spelling and bad grammar

Disclaimer: I don’t know Henry Cavill, this is all fictional and wishful thinking

Credits: Pics for the moodboard taken from Pinterest, face claim Ella: Loane Normand

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @madbaddic7ed @artandotherdelights

And off we go...

~~~

The next day Ella was irrationally nervous about their second first date. She trusted Henry, she knew he wouldn't disappoint her but she was still nervous. Nervous in a good way, full of anticipation and excitement. And she couldn't wait to see what he had planned for the night. He had just told her there was no need to dress up. So Ella decided to wear a floral print minidress and thigh high brown suede boots. She had chosen her underwear thoroughly, knowing that Henry very likely was going to see it, wearing a light blue bralet and matching panties. The set was made of french lace and it made Ella feel unusually sexy and desirable. 

When Henry arrived Ella had a hard time to resist the urge to jump into his arms and kiss him, but she knew it was important to him to make this a proper, official second first date and so she played along when he greeted her with an innocent peck on the cheek. He even brought her a bunch of very pretty flowers and Ella put them in a vase before they left.

"You look lovely, baby." He gave her a sweet smile and of course it made Ella blush. 

"You look not so bad yourself." She eyed him up and down and gave him a wink. He wore a pair of tight dark blue jeans -his butt looked fantastic in them- and a simple white button-down shirt. 

When they stood outside of Ella's house she looked around irritated. "Where's your car?"

"Over there." Henry pointed to an old Land Rover.

"That's Jax's Defender." 

"Yep. I borrowed it from him for the weekend. Wanted to keep it low-key." Henry grinned and opened the door for her. "Hop on."

"What did Jax get in return?" Ella asked when they were sitting in the car. Henry drove off and looked at her. "What do you think?"

"The James Bond car?"

"The Aston Martin. Yes." Henry laughed. "For a whole weak."

"I'm not surprised. He knows how to drive a hard bargain." 

"There's more."

"More? Like what? Your firstborn child?" Ella asked grinning.

"Corey's number.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope." 

"I knew it." Ella said laughing. "The day you brought Corey to the bookstore when he was in town to visit you...I saw the look on Jax's face and I knew he was interested. I asked him and he denied it, saying he wasn't his type and actually it's true. Jackson normally is into tall guys. Tall, slim and dark haired so I believed him but I had this feeling that they had some kind of special chemistry."

"Yeah, I felt that too."

"Do you think Corey likes Jax?"

"I'm pretty sure. Jax is exactly Corey's type."

"Oh, that's so exciting. It would be great if they fell in love. Your best friend with my best friend, that would be perfect."

"Absolutely. Let's just hope they don't act as stupid as we did." Henry took her hand and gave it a squeeze, smiling at her lovingly.

"If they listen to their own advice they're honest about their feelings right from the start." Ella stroked Henry's hand with her thumb, enjoying the feeling of closeness.

"Let's hope so."

"So? Where are you taking me."

"Gianni's of course."

Ella stared at him flabbergasted. "What? Henry, you can't be serious."

"No, of course not." He burst out laughing and Ella hit him on his arm laughing heartily too.

"We're gonna have dinner at the Casa Roma." Ella couldn't help but smile. It was her favorite restaurant in Uxbridge, nothing special, just an ordinary place but it was cosy and nice. She loved to eat there with her friends. She was quite sure Henry had asked Jax where she'd like to go because she'd never mentioned the restaurant to him. It warmed her heart that he was so thoughtful, that he didn't just choose a random place but a place he knew she'd like. A place that couldn't be more different from the "Gianni's", it was not exclusive, not discreet, not bohemian and stylish. But it was a place that made her feel comfortable. Their second first date really started off very well.

****

"Good evening."

"Good evening. We have a reservation. William Dalgliesh."

Ella gave him a surprised glance.

"Of course Mr. Dalgliesh. Table for two. Follow me please."

The waiter led them to a cosy corner booth and it looked pretty romantic. Candlelit and decorated with rose petals on the table cloth.  Ella beamed at Henry when they'd taken their seats.

"Do you like it?"

"It's wonderful…very romantic, William." She gave him a grin which made him chuckle.

"Yeah, I thought we better try to remain incognito. But you can call me Henry, baby."

"You are too generous."

"I know." They shared a laugh and it was the start of a very nice dinner. The food was simple but delicious, they had so much to talk about, laughed a lot and simply had a good time. It was the exact opposite of their first first date and Ella felt so relaxed and natural with Henry that she smiled almost non-stop. Henry kept gazing at her adoringly and held her hand whenever it was possible. He had never been more in love before and it felt great to show it. Hiding it for so long had been really hard for him and the weight that was taken off his shoulders was enormous.

They flirted like crazy and their playful banter was so sexy it really turned them on. Ella didn't even want dessert and it was obvious that she wanted to get home to start with the hot part of their date just as much as Henry.

When they stood at her front door Henry cleared his throat while Ella was fumbling with her keys.

"Well, Ella. This was really nice, thanks for this fantastic date."

Ella turned around biting her lip in a way that made her look shy and sexy at the same time.

"I enjoyed the evening too, Henry." She batted her lashes and Henry came closer. He looked her in the eyes. "Good night then." Ellas gaze fell to his pretty lips. "Good night." Henry leaned in slowly for a tender delicate kiss, that Ella returned in a very sensual way.

"Good night." He repeated but then he pulled her close and the next kiss wasn't tender anymore, it was pure passion. When they pulled away, both out of breath, Ella looked at him with a smirk. "Wanna come in for a drink?"

"I'd love to."

They went upstairs and as soon as the door was closed behind them they started making out again...hungrily, full of want and need and desire. Their kisses were slow and deep and very sensual. Ella moaned when she felt Henry's hands underneath her dress and on her butt. He gave it a squeeze before his hands wandered higher to her breasts. She moaned again and Henry whispered her name. "Ella...god, woman, I love your body and I love that dress, it's so incredibly sexy. I couldn't stop thinking about hitching it up and touching your pussy throughout the dinner."

"So what are you waiting for?" Ella gave him a lewd smile and Henry grinned.

"I really don't know."

It took her by surprise when he lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"Hey, what are you doing, caveman?" Ella tried to sound annoyed when in fact she was aroused by his dominant behaviour.

"I've spent way too much time on your couch. I want you in your bed. Now."

He went straight to her bedroom and put her down on the mattress. Ella propped herself up on her elbows with a challenging look on her face. "What now, boo?"

He undressed himself without haste and Ella enjoyed the show. His body was nothing but perfect. She gasped when he finally took off his boxers. He was big. Not in the frightening way but in the promising way. His size and girth made her pussy throb in anticipation. "Now…" Henry took off her boots before he climbed on top of her slowly, smooth like a predatory big cat. "Now you lean back..." He hitched up her skirt "...relax…" He stripped off her panties teasingly slow. "...and then you let me pleasure you." Ella felt his hot mouth on the inside of her thighs, kissing her tenderly and she sank down, resting her head on a pillow, with a sensual sigh. Henry let his hands run over her hips when he started eating her out. "God...Henry." She moaned without restraint when she felt his tongue running through her folds repeatedly.

He looked at her. "Do you like this, baby? You are so wet, I bet you do…" He moaned against her clit when Ella grabbed him by his thick dark curls. "Go on…" she hissed and he started to suck on her clit gently, licking the little pearl, kissing it before sucking again. Never before had a man given her so much pleasure with his mouth. She took Henry's hands, intertwining her fingers with his, her grip tight. "Fuck...Henry." She was close to her orgasm, he heard it, felt it and he gave her more of his magic till she cried out, his name on her lips. Her body convulsed with lust when she came and she squeezed his hands so tight it almost hurt. He kept on kissing her sweet spot till her climax was over.

Ella sat up, stripped off her dress with one smooth motion and pulled Henry close for a kiss. He looked at her, admiring her body with lustful gazes. "You are so beautiful, baby. So sexy in that lace." He licked his lips. "It's a shame you have to take it off but I really need to touch your tits. You have no idea how many times I dreamt about all this…" He whispered all this into her ear while he opened her bra and stripped it off of her body. He started stroking her tits, rubbing and pinching her nipples. "God...the way you touch me…" Ella moaned again and she grabbed his dick, giving it some long slow strokes. Henry let out a groan. "I'm gonna fuck you now, baby." he hissed through clenched teeth. Ella shrieked when she felt his fingers gliding into her heat. "You're so damn wet, all ready for me." "I am." She whimpered when Henry's finger found her g-spot. "I need you inside of me, Hen." She begged and he liked it. "You want this?" He lined himself up, teasing her with the tip of his cock at her entrance. "Yes." She sighed and placed her hands on his ass to pull him closer. Henry gave in and penetrated her very slow, making her feel every inch of his cock. It took all of his self control to not just pound into her, railing her merciless, but he wanted to take his time, to enjoy every second of their first time. He wanted to make her feel how much he loved her.

"Ella." He whispered her name softly when he started moving, thrusting slowly, rolling his hips, going deep, enjoying the tight feeling of her walls around him, her hands that massaged his butt, her erotic sighs and little shrieks. He went a little faster and deeper and the feeling intensified. He was a panting and groaning mess and the love making turned into fucking. Hard. Fast. Deep. He was close. So close. "Henry." Ella let out a feral scream when she reached her second climax. "Fuck." Henry grunted when he shot his cum into her cunt. His orgasm was overwhelmingly intense and he rode it out till he was completely relaxed.

He hugged Ella tightly and she kissed him. "I love you, Henry." 

"I love you too, Ella."

He laid down beside her and pulled her close. "So how did you like our second first date, baby." 

"I was perfect, boo. Simply perfect and with such a happy ending."

Henry returned the tender smile she was giving him.

"Yes. A happy ending we truly deserve."

~~~

THE END

[mariamermaid]

Darkest Nights

Regulus Black x fem Reader

Summary: It was blatant, that the day of your wedding would come. Yet, you feared it as much as he did.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Angst, arranged marriage

A/N: I don´t know too much about Regulus, which is why I decided to interpret this oneshot in my own way. (Also, Timothee Chalamet as Regulus= chefs kiss)

 Denial was the first stage you encountered. Blatantly you had been prepared for it your entire life, but when the message reached you, it was still denial. It couldn´t be true, you were promised more time. Time to live.

Any excuse sounded better than the one thrown into your face: There was no other option.

You recalled word for word in your head as you starred at yourself in the large mirror. It should be an honor, you´ll be a good wife, you´ll have a big house. But none of it mattered to you, your priorities laid differently in society. Will I be happy?

The mirror, the room and the entire house was furnished with golden details; flowers, flourishes and patterns. It reminded you of the palaces in the renaissance period. You had loved the paintings from the time, but finding yourself in a similar ensemble on your wedding day felt all too wrong.

A knock appeared on the door and your mother entered, stunned with her hand over her heart as she admired you. The two servants, who had helped you to get ready, carefully stepped back. Their work was done. If it weren´t for your mother´s sake, you´d thank them from the bottom of your heart.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, he´ll be very pleased to see you.”

Yeah, because that´s all that mattered. Your eyes wandered back to your silhouette in the mirror; long, delicate arms of lace traveled down your skin, the train measured at least ten feet and the veil, which was still placed to show your face, followed the train. Your mother handed you the flower bouquet, white, blue and lavender. Then she pulled the veil over your face and nodded a last time. “Your father will be waiting for you downstairs. They´re all ready.”

 Heavy chains were attached to your feet and each step you took, was harder.

Outside the hall, where the ceremony would take place, your father waited for you. He matched your mother´s dark attire, but as so often, he loved the embellishments on his suit. In your opinion, they always looked disgustingly conceiting and plump on him. Every cell in your body screamed for you to run and as you stepped inside the large hall, you wondered why you didn´t listen to your heart. Like the rest of the villa, it was stunning and a true architectural treasure. Dark, even wood was spread on the floor and the walls were delicately painted in cool grey tones. Against the gold details, the walls looked like painted clouds, dreamy and far away.

Within the dark ensemble the white spot like a ray of sunshine; you.

Why didn´t you run?

Would it be so bad to never see your family again? A family that had no emotional connection to you, you were never told, how much they loved you or even appreciated you.

You could live a free life, away from all pressure and deciding how you wanted to live. If you wanted to get marry, or not and even more importantly, who.

The painful truth was, that running even as far as you could, only brought you time. You were their only child, their only way to safely secure, pleasant and reputable future. They would find you eventually and by the mark on their forearms, it wouldn´t be a reencounter to spread joy.

Under the veil, none of them saw your shivering jaw and your blinking eyes in tears as you made your way to the altar.

Your father´s hand, softly put over the arm you had linked with this, grabbed you harsh enough to stop you from running. It might have looked like a lovingly scene, how he approached Regulus and placed your hand in his, but it wasn´t.

It felt like somebody threw away the keys from your chains.

Oh, right, Regulus was there as well.

You had barely acknowledged his presence, which was surprising due to the fact that he was your soon to be husband. You would never, not even on your deathbed, admit it, but he looked attractive. Plenty of times you had seen him wear a neat black suit, but today he didn´t look like Mommy´s boy put in attire. Somehow, he looked like a true man in front of the altar.

He seemed so steady and calm, was he even pressured into this?

You had spent almost your entire school career knowing him, he was a year older, but you couldn´t remember a singular conversation between the two of you. You started believing, you never had one.

Regulus wasn´t the scrawny kid anymore. He was tall and had a sleek figure, which he had proved many times as Slytherin´s seeker. His dark, rather short locks framed his angular face and his high cheekbones. He truly looked like a perfect descendant for a pure-blooded family.

His hand was warm, no hint of nervousness, while yours was as cold as ice. He barely glanced at you, both of you facing the altar and the wizard, who guided you through the ceremony.

He was a man of at least sixty years, grey hair and beard, but everything that left his lips, barely entered your conscience.

Finally, it felt like years, the peak of the ceremony had come.

You turned to Regulus, carefully and slowly, his long fingers grabbed the edge of your veil and pulled it back to reveal your face.

What did you expect to see in his expression? Excitement? Awe? Admiration?

For a split second, his jaw tensed, but he turned back to his neutral expression. You didn´t know how to pinpoint those bare split seconds, where his façade had vanished,  and you didn´t like, not knowing how he felt. Was he glad to marry you? Was he only looking forward to this, because you were pure-blooded? Did he find you pretty or at least attractive? Or did he find you so attractive, that he wouldn´t hold himself back? Would he follow his instincts and ignore your potential feelings?

You wanted to curse and scream, but your eyes were glued on his lips and you felt how the magical string wrapped around your hands.

“Today Y/N and Regulus join their lives in the union of marriage. Before I declare you to one another, I want to hear you confirm that it is indeed your intention to be married today.”

The lie couldn´t be bigger. A no was stuck in the back of your throat.

“Now I ask you; Do you, Regulus Arcturus Black, take the hereby Y/N Y/L/N as you wife? If so, repeat after me.”

You waited for a stutter, but Regulus repeated the words without hesitation.

“I, Regulus Arcturus Black, take you Y/N Y/L/N, to be my wedded wife. I give to you in the presence of these witnesses, my promise to stay by your side, In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. And cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

“Bride, please repeat after me.”

Oh, dear Merlin help me to not completely ruin this.

“I, Y/L Y/L/N, take you Regulus Arcturus Black, to be my wedded husband. I give to you in the presence of these witnesses, my promise to stay by your side, In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. And cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

The magical promise, which wrapped around your hands like a hot string, tightened as the words left your mouth.

“I now announce you, husband and wife!” You felt how the golden glistening oath disappeared, but you still felt the warmth pressing against your skin. It was done. All plans and hopes for this not to happen, were completely useless. You were now officially Y/N Black, wife to Regulus Black. Regulus eyes pierced into yours, somehow you took the last of your strength to keep up the eye contact. Then, to your biggest surprise, he offered you the smallest hint of a smile.

 “Even the most beautiful places turn dark during night.”

Regulus´s voice was steady, but quiet. For the first time this evening, he spoke to you in his own will. Without the pressure of a family member watching. You glanced at him, while his eyes were stuck on the ensemble. He was right, it was beautiful.

The light walls were barely enlightened anymore and the golden details, which glistened from time to time, seemed to float in the air. The delicate paint strokes had become invisible, vanishing into dark. Regulus fitted in, with his dark suit, green attire and jet-black locks and you contrasted him in a way, that couldn´t be more opposing. The white fabric attracted the last bit of light, like the rising moon beneath carpet of golden stars.

You had spent the early evening, which was turning into night already, with careless and empty conversation. Even though Regulus was at your side for most of it, you didn´t even perceive him. You were too focused on not crying, not running, not saying the wrong things, not falling over your dress, not eating too much food, not smiling too much, not fake smiling enough and not being you.

“I meant it, you do look stunning”, he added, tilting his head ever so slightly in your direction. Previously, the words had seemed nonchalantly thrown into a conversation. Now, it sounded honest and against his offish body language, Regulus was different beneath his façade.

“Thank you”, you replied with barely a whisper.

For once, he wished to be more like his brother Sirius, who swept of girls with no effort and compliments fell of his lips like the lies for his pranks. Of course, he wasn´t there.

Regulus never imagined that his bride would be you or even closely like you. He remembered you from school, something he never told anymore. Back then, you had barely exchanged words. You knew about each other´s existence, but a safe distance was kept. However, he remembered the evenings at the library. Where you had sat quite focused, tapping with your pen against the book. You had watched every single of his Quidditch games and you cheered.

You were cunning and smart, driven by your own ambition to surpass yourself, but unlike him, you were empathic. People approached you easily, feeling enchanted by your natural politeness. Regulus had become used to the shadow side; people evaded to not get in is way. They avoided him, not knowing what lied behind his dark exterior. Maybe they even feared him.

He knew it was wrong for him to feel relieved to find you in the spot of his bride, he was bereaving you of all prospective dreams and a chance for true love.

“I´m sorry.”

The apology took you by surprise and your head snapped towards him. “For what?”

He sighed, knowing he couldn´t dodge the eye contact anymore. “For having to marry me.”

The emphasis clearly laid on the word me, even though he tried to hide it.  

“Are you happy to have me as your-“, you paused. You had never said it out loud. “As your wife?”

He chuckled. Regulus Black chuckled. “I knew marrying out of love was never an option, but honestly, you´re the best bride I could´ve wished for.”

He quickly became serious again, too fast for your taste. “You´re not like them, not as posh or artificial.”

“Apparently, neither are you.” You added, feeling how your body leaned a little closer to his.

“I try my best.”

The dark had covered expectations and superficiality and what was left, was a man at your side, who was honest and real. Not perfect, but not cruel. You didn´t fear him anymore and more importantly, you didn´t fear potential actions. He wouldn´t lay a hand on you, unless you would allow to do so. There was only one apprehension left, the dark mark burning on his arm.

You didn´t know how or why, but that obligation was reserved from you. Slytherin or not, pureblood or not, you weren´t evil. You weren´t one his fealty and you swore on your life, that it wouldn´t change.

Regulus felt your apprehension, but for now he wasn´t ready to share the perilous information with you. The horcrux inside the cave was his secret, but if it meant keeping you safe and sound, he was ready to risk it. For now, it was his task to make you believe him. Regulus Black wasn´t evil and he didn´t share the Dark Lords radical views. The dark mark on his arm was just like the ring on his finger, an inescapable path.

Carefully, but with clear intention, he took your hand. “I will never hurt you; I promise.”

You saw something inside his eyes sparkling, but you couldn´t pinpoint it. Pressing your lips together, you starred at the rings on your fingers. “You shouldn´t make a promise you can´t keep.” He opened his mouth to disagree.

“But promise me to be honest; talk to me Regulus. I don´t want this to be a marriage of secrets and intrigues.” He nodded agreeing. “I promise it, do you?”

“Yes.”

Cautiously, as if you could break beneath his touch, he placed a strand of hair behind your ear and slowly, waiting if you would push away his action, he placed a kiss on your forehead. You didn´t push him away, catching yourself almost leaning into it.

Yes, even the most beautiful places turned dark during night, but tonight the darkness revealed true nature. And in this darkest hour, the two of you were shining together strong as the brightest light.

[worldoffanfiction2021]

{Image Sources: Dong Hua: https://daydaynews.cc/en/entertainment/419895.html Fengjiu: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1196337391276429/}

The family of three deities had bid adieu to their relatives in Quingqui and taken the magical boat to Bihai Cangling. Dijun and Fengjiu had both managed to handle their respective duties and arranged for messengers to visit them here at their new place of residence, actually their real home, for the next few months. They were all very excited about it.

Fengjiu was remembering their last visit fondly. The last time she had been here, she had spent some magical time with Dijun.

Dijun was also remembering his last visit. But there wasn’t any fondness in those memories for him. He had been there was to build the Star Light ward. He had not expected to come back alive to this place, much less to come back alive with his wife and son. He looked at Xiaobai and marveled at her. It had been her who had saved him and saved his home. She was the best. He lovingly played with her hair.

Gungun saw that they were about to reach to a beautiful landscape, the likes of which he had never seen. “Father, your home is so beautiful. It’s even better than the Sky Kingdom!”, he exclaimed clapping excitedly.

“Gungun’s reaction to Bihai Cangling is just like yours when you came here for the first time.”, said Dijun smilingly to Xiaobai. "It's your home too, Gungun. It’s our home.", he added. He liked the sound of that very much.

Xiaobai noticed that a lot had changed since she had last visited. Row of fruit trees and vines had been planted - grapefruits, pears and grapes. There was a long corridor with an artificial hill. The hill really looked like a real rocky mountain, just smaller than a mountain. On either side of the corridor there were beautiful trees of foiling flowers. Spiritual birds danced to ‘paying homage to the Phoenix’ near by.

Then there was a pavilion overlooking a lotus pond. White and pink lotuses swayed gracefully in a cool breeze there. White sandalwood on each side of the pavilion gave the seating area a perfect cover from sun.

Xiaobai recalled her own words from the last time she had visited. Dijun had done everything she had asked for. She was transfixed.

When they walked a little further, her jaw dropped to the floor. Sitting atop a slightly raised platform was a house. Not just any house - the bamboo house she had drawn! Oh, Dijun!!!! She stood dumbfounded with tears in her eyes.

Dijun realized she had stopped walking and turned around. When he saw her face he asked with worry, “What’s wrong? Did I mess it up?” Forgetting about Gungun watching them, she ran forward and hugged him. She buried herself in his arms and said, “No, Dijun. No mess up. This is perfect. You made our home. Our home!” She choked on her emotions and couldn’t say anything else. Dijun smiled and planted a kiss on her head.

Gungun was watching all this and came running. “Mother and Father are kissing again. I want a kiss too.”, he giggled. Dijun picked him up and twirled him high. His giggles and Dijun’s laughter filled the space. And Xiaobai’s heart. They were home.

When they went inside, Xiaobai realized that all the basic things they had planned for, had been done. There was a study, a living room and a well-lit, well ventilated kitchen. The large kitchen window overlooked the fruit trees. There were two identical rooms - one for Gungun and another for his little brother/ sister, as Dijun explained, his eyes hinting mischievously. It made Gungun very excited to think that he would have a playmate. Then there were a couple guest rooms. Dijun and Xiaobai’s  room was a spacious suite with a large bed. A foiling flower tree was the headboard of that bed. They even had a nice little hot spring next to their room.

“Dijun, the house is great, but there’s still work to do. We have to set up the kitchen, the wardrobes and such.”, began Xiaobai. “If I do everything, what will you do?”, he interrupted her, pretending to be arrogant and tapped her forehead. Then he leaned in and whispered in her ears “But I have already done so much work here. You owe me big this time.  I will collect my dues from you at night.” Seeing her cheeks instantly color up pleased him.

There was a balcony behind their room. It overlooked a large playground with targets set up for practicing archery, an open space for sword plays and martial arts. On one side was another building. “That is a workshop where we can forge weapons. I have also placed all the weapons I have made or collected in a room in there. I am sure you will like it.”, said Dijun. She looked at him with pride in her eyes. Dijun felt that all his efforts had been completely worth it.

“I am so hungry, mother. When can we eat?”, asked Gungun. “You and Father can put your things in your rooms. I will quickly get food ready.”, said Xiaobai patting him. They all went their separate directions and got busy.

After some time they all got together in the dining room and ate a simple but delicious meal. Fengjiu had found that right next to the kitchen was a vegetable and herb garden. She had picked some fresh veggies to prepare rice porridge and mushrooms-vegetables stir fry. Some lentil cakes rounded up the meal. She had always been good in cooking. Her years in mortal realm had helped her perfect  the art of making do with whatever was available.

After they cleared up all the food, Fengjiu wanted to go to her room and take a nap. But Dijun insisted they go to the lotus pond and catch some fish. She almost suspected that he wanted to keep her away from their bedroom. “May be he has made a mess in there with all the stuff. I better not go in there or else I will end up cleaning everything myself.”, she thought to herself as she followed her guys to the pond. When they got there, she rested her head in Dijun’s lap and dozed off happily.

She woke up a little while later when tiny hands were trying to tap on her head. "Mom, wake up! Look I caught a fish!! My first ever fish!!!", Gungun was showing off with eyes wide with excitement. She couldn't help by smile at him. "I will make sweet and sour fish for dinner tonight with this. You both like it, don't you?" She said. Two heads full of silver hair nodded in fervent agreement. "Like father - like son", she chuckled.

She completely lost herself in cooking dinner. In addition to sweet and sour fish, she also made sticky rice and soup. "For Dijun and Gungun. They need this nourishment.", she told herself. All this was gobbled up pretty quickly between the three of them.

After dinner they took off for a long walk that led them back to the weapon forge. Dijun took them in and Fengjiu was like a kid in the candy store. She enjoyed designing and creating mechanical weapons. Among other things, this was something she and Dijun had in common. Gungun was quite curious and looked around with amazement. But he was slowly beginning to get tired and needed to get to bed. So they all returned homewards.

"You take him to his room and get him ready for bed. I will bring him a glass of milk. He will sleep well with that.", said Dijun. Fengjiu nodded and walked away holding Gungun's little hand. In his room, she helped him bathe and change. They both were happy they didn't need to dye his hair anymore. As she was settling him in his bed, Dijun came in with a glass on milk in his hand. He made sure Gungun finished it up. Then they both dimmed the candles, kissed Gungun sweet dreams and left the room.

When they reached the doorstep of their bedroom, Dijun gestured Fengjiu to stop. "What's wrong?", asked Fengjiu puzzled. "Close your eyes.", ordered Dijun. "Why should I?", replied Fengjiu more puzzled. "Please, Xiaobai. Do as you are told.", Dijun coaxed her. So she sighed and closed her eyes. "You are acting very weird tonight.", she said.

She found herself being lifted in his arms. She felt the door opening and he walking in with her.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Feng Jiu asked. "Not yet, just a little bit longer.", Dijun replied. She could feel the smile in his voice.

"What's going on? I am opening my eyes now." She nagged him anxiously as she felt herself being lowered on something extremely soft.

"Wait. Just a few more moments.", Dijun replied as he adjusted her clothes. "Okay, you can open your eyes now.", he said.

She was so not ready for what she was seeing. The room had been transformed. It looked like a bride's chamber on a wedding night. There was an altar placed for heaven worship ceremony. Gold, white and purple lanterns adorned the ceiling. Matching candles, flower arrangements and curtains hung everywhere. Every seat in the room and the whole bed was covered in foiling flower petals. She was draped in her wedding gown. And then as she turned towards Dijun she saw that he himself was looking extremely handsome in his wedding attire. Nothing in the room was nearly as mesmerizing as the sight of the regal man himself. He took her breath away and she could not help but stare at him open mouthed.

"I never gave you a proper wedding. I have regretted that very much.", he said huskily as he walked towards her with a purple veil. "Tonight, let's get married, Xiaobai.", he said softly as he came close and arranged the veil over her hair. She didn't know what to say or do. She was completely under his spell.

He led her by her hand towards the altar. They kowtowed to the heaven and earth. They remembered her parents and kowtowed for them. Then they bowed to each other. Very carefully he lifted her veil and took her hands in his.

"In all three eternities you are the only one who has moved my heart, Xiaobai. You, little fox, will always belong to me.", he looked deeply into her eyes and promised possessively.

She smiled with stars in her eyes and promised him back, "In any eternity I will bring you in my life. Because I love you the most Dijun, you will always belong to me."

He leaned in and planted kisses on her face. He kissed her hair, her forehead, her eyes, her nose and then covered her lips with his. He felt her respond to him and deepened the kiss. She trembled and moved closer in his arms. Slowly he moved to her ear. "Ever since I have had this dress made for you, I have imagined so many ways I would like to undress you from it.", he teased huskily. "Um? So you got this elaborate and extravagant dress made only so that you could undress me from it?", she asked pulling back and squinting her eyes at him. "HHmm.. ", he pursed his lips and nodded solemnly. "You are so... ", she started to say, but completely lost her train of thought under his hot, hungry gaze. He claimed her lips again and started undressing her.

[aboutkoshi]

Three.

ft. Sugawara Koshi wc: 2500+  a/n: the idea’s been floating around my head and i just had to write it out... fluffy and domestic suga ahead!  

─

Everything is warm. The colors of the sky, as the sun begins to set. The kitchen, from the smoke the cooking pan births as you brew his favorite dish. The smile on your face, as you let the wooden spoon rest and turn your head to check the time. Your eyes land on a framed picture you had taken with him years ago; your arm clinging around his waist tightly, and his encompassing your shoulder even more tightly, both of you not letting the other have an easy win at who could smile the biggest. And finally, the feeling in your chest, accompanied with a hand that itches to reach for the phone to tell him right then and there, but you figure your patience will be rewarded when you get to tell him in person. 

Any minute now. You think to yourself, the corners of your lips having turned upwards to form the smallest of smiles at the mere thought. When you sent him off to work this morning, you had no idea you would be able to welcome him back home with such life-changing news. The smile, and the nervousness, only grows as your ears register the familiar sound of the door clicking open and close, with his voice chirping in between, and you swear you’ve never loved hearing your name as much as now. 

“In the kitchen, Koshi,” you hum as you begin to complete the final steps of your dish, but the overwhelming scent of chili and oil proves to be more useful in leading him to where you stand. One second you are stirring the pan and making sure everything is lathered evenly, and the next you find yourself jolting out of surprise as two dependable arms wrap themselves around your waist from the back. 

“Mapo tofu today? My birthday isn’t until a few more months, sweetheart,” he teases, chin comfortably lazing on your shoulder. You shake your head, eliciting a reserved chuckle. He allows himself an exaggerated whiff of the dish and exhales softly with a sigh. His hold around your figure is as gentle as it is firm, and he turns his head to press a kiss onto the side of yours, mumbling a muffled “I’ve missed you.” 

The house is warm, but the home is warmer.

“It hasn’t even been twelve hours since we last met, Koshi,” you reason playfully, unable to hold back another chuckle. You turn the heat of the stove down to low to grant yourself the ability to completely look the love of your life in the eye, and the little pout that greets you as you turn around is just as lovable as you had imagined. Your features soften, and as much as you’d like the pout to stick around just a little longer, you admit that the desire to see him smile is even bigger. “I’ve missed you more,” you mumble, arms looping around his neck, and you watch as he relaxes in your hold. He leans forth, just enough to let your foreheads meet. His eyelids are fluttered shut and the tip of his nose lightly nudges yours, and the giggle you let out is his favorite melody.

“Go shower. The tofu will be done just in time,” you urge, and he stays silent, wanting to be this close to you for just another prolonged second, eventually responding with a tilt of his head as he plants a tender kiss on your forehead. 

“That, I will do,” he grins as he pulls away, and you mirror it with one of your smiles. 

“Mm, take your time.” 

“That, I will not,” he cheekily responds. 

-

You set the bowls of tofu on the table, garnishing it with a last sprinkle of chili powder, nodding in content to yourself over how good they look, smell, and based on a few sneaky tests straight from the pan, taste. 

With the ring hugging your finger comes a few exclusive privileges. For instance, at least two kisses daily (one before every meal I get to eat with you, he says), the biggest embraces of pride and comfort, a hand to hold wherever and whenever, dates ranging from movies and pillow forts in the living room all the way to planned fancy dinners, a sweater or two to steal, and helping him pick a tie or cardigan that matches his clothing every morning. 

But your personal favorite has to be the sight that greets you as you look up; him walking out of your shared bedroom with his hair still half wet (just like every other promise he’s ever made, he’s lived up to his words of not taking his time), an almost reflexive grin growing on his face when your eyes meet, and a worn-out shirt that’s too big for him, one that he has an odd affinity towards and claims has brought him luck (I wore it for our first stay-at-home date, look where we are today, he had defended). 

He sits himself across from you on the dining table, rubbing his hands together in excitement and humming in delight. His reaction alone is enough to make you want to run out to the market to grab some ingredients to make another batch tomorrow. 

“Take your time and blow first, it’s fresh from the stove,” you remind with a firm nod, and are met with a response as sheepish as the simper on his face. 

“No promises.” and he takes a spoonful of a little of everything in his bowl, muttering a brief prayer of gratitude for both the food and you, followed by a quick “I’ll eat really well!” under his breath, and you hold yours as he takes his first bite. He makes sure to look at you as he chews, slowly at first, and the visible hint of his smirk tells you he’s only doing it because he knows you’re nervous. Ultimately, he reaches out to ruffle your hair, fully smiling as he finally swallows and nods in approval. “Any day now you decide to open a store of your own, babe, I call dibs on being your taste tester and forever favorite customer, alright?” With this, you beam, and take a first bite of your own. 

“How was work today, hm?” you ask, one hand using the spoon to mix everything in the bowl while the other hand is tucked snugly in his. His fingers are curled over yours, thumb caressing the back of your hand every so often. His eyes light up, and you are convinced that his enthusiasm has made him forget the fact he has actual steaming food in his mouth. 

“So you remember Akio─” he chokes on his half-chewed tofu, the violent coughing causing you to widen your eyes and hurriedly offer a glass of water. The panic is fleeting, as he finds himself laughing in his own embarrassment, and you chuckle, despite shaking your head in disapproval. 

“As I was saying,” he continues after a few gulps of water, clearing his throat to get rid of any remnants of discomfort, “you know Akio, baby? He finally gathered enough courage to confess to his little crush today!” It feels foolish to be this excited over a school grader’s love life, but in your defense, it’s been a story that both you and he have followed since a few months ago. “Really?!” you reply, “How’d he do it?” you question, at the same time using a napkin to wipe the corner of his lips where a light splatter of sauce has landed. “Bouquet of flowers, a shy and nervous confession, very traditional, very genuine,” he describes, and you nod, mouthing an ‘oooh’. “She said yes.” and you coo loudly at this, putting down the spoon momentarily to clutch onto your chest. “I’m beginning to believe it has a 100% success rate,” he smiles smugly, and you only shake your head in mock disbelief, having another spoonful of food. 

“I’m serious!” he laughs, “I mean. . . that’s how I scored you, too, wasn’t it?” The last bit is barely audible, and the tint on his cheeks is easy to miss when you’re too busy trying to cool the heat on your own cheeks down. He’s the first to recover from the shyness, and he titters as he brings your hand close to his lips so he can lovingly peck each of your knuckles. 

“On other news, Ume managed to score higher than her last test! I always knew she was capable, she just needed someone to believe in her until she could believe in herself,” he explains, and amongst everything there is to love about your husband, his passion towards his job and his love for children is definitely up there. 

“You did a great job today, as always, Sugawara-sensei,” you compliment, and though he brushes it off with a bashful chuckle, you catch the way his cheeks are splashed with your favorite shade of pink. “They’re adorable, baby. They make time away from you a lot more bearable,” he acknowledges. You smile, and you continue having your meal, but he does not. 

“It would be lovely to have one of our own.” 

You pause, and he only realizes afterwards that the words have been said out loud, as opposed to merely thinking them, and he rushes to add, “I-I mean─ of course I’d love to build a family with you, and just the thought of coming home to you and a mini you, or a mini me, is a dream come true, and─ but─” 

You squeeze his hand, silently telling him to calm and slow down, flashing him a reassuring smile that he hasn’t said or done anything wrong. 

He sighs in relief. 

“And I also know that that would require at least ten folds of effort for me, and even with that it would be so much more difficult on you than it would be for me, but all I wanted to say is. . is that as ready as I am to care for you and another human being, I am also just as patient to wait for you until you’re ready, no matter how soon or how late, so we can take our time, okay?” 

You let out a breath you weren’t even aware you were holding, and he is momentarily alerted by how you don’t respond with anything else, not even a nod. And so his lips part to say something, anything at all, to put any and all of your worries to sleep, and an extra apology because maybe he should have been more careful.

“How. . how soon would it be too soon?” 

It isn’t among any of the answers his mind had expected, and it’s evidently displayed across his face, but it isn’t one he isn’t willing to entertain. “Well─”

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence. Only the sound of your own heart pounding in your chest and his eyes boring into your soul, cautious enough to look and gauge any of your reactions, maybe a telltale sign that you were also trying to test his waters, but with thousands of thoughts running through and seemingly clouding his mind, he finds none. 

“You’re pregnant. .” he echoes in a barely audible whisper, eyes darting elsewhere for a moment, and then back at you. 

“You’re. . pregnant?” he whispers, and you nod slowly, the emotions coming in waves. The relief is calm and serene, the realization is causing an unfamiliar but welcomed tightness in your chest, and the exhilaration is begging to crawl out of your throat as you finally break into a hearty laugh, this time able to nod more confidently. It is only after you have gotten over your own emotions that you notice he’s in it even deeper. His brows are furrowed, a habit that makes its entrance every time he gets confused ─ in this case, probably about which emotion he should tackle first ─ his eyes are sparkling from how hard he is trying to prevent his tears from escaping, and his mouth is twitching as he barely manages a smile, one that is proud and elated. 

“Oh my goodness, you’re pregnant! Can I─ can I hug you?” and he is already on his feet before you even get to answer. The final peak of your emotions comes in the form of a strong ripple of happiness quite literally sweeping you off of your feet.  You squeal as he lifts you up and gives you a little twirl, putting you back down urgently only to cup your cheeks, thumbs smoothing out the corners of your eyes. 

“Am I hurting the baby while doing that, oh no─ oh, you are so beautiful, my darling!” he exclaims, and the stream of tears that decorates his face as he does so is a lot more than enough to make you cry along, as well as laugh at the silliness of it all, accompanied by spurts of giggles as he proceeds to pepper your entire face with kisses, all at the same time. He halts himself, your face still snug on his palms. 

“I’m going to be a father. .” he trails off, and another laugh escapes your lips at how there are visible stages to how he reacts to the news. You’d be the last person to make fun of him, however, as you’d pretty much gone through the same stages just this afternoon. 

“You’re going to be an amazing one,” you reassure in a murmur, kissing each of his palms and cupping the back of his hands. 

“Only because I get to raise our baby with the most wonderful person,” he replies, “it’s going to be so lovely, my love! We’ll get you signed up for one of those breathing exercises classes─ don’t worry, I’ll go with you to each and every one! I’ve heard enough from the mothers at school. What are you craving for right now? Was the tofu too spicy?! What color do you think we should be decorating our baby’s room with? And─” 

“And how about you. . accompany me for my first doctor’s appointment tomorrow, before anything else?” you kindly interrupt, because as endearing as it is to watch him be equally excited, if not more, the last thing you want is for him to overwhelm himself. And just for good measure, “We’ll attend. . all of the classes you want us to attend, and decorate our baby’s room together, and do so much more together, all when the time comes, yes?” and he nods in both excitement and understanding. 

“There’s no one else I’d rather be doing all of this. . and all of that with, my love,” he breathes out, “thank you, so very much, for making me the happiest man, every day,” and he brings you closer to kiss your forehead. As he pulls away, his gaze falls south to your tummy, and he looks at you as if for permission, and you wordlessly take his hand and place it onto your stomach. 

“We can’t wait to meet you, little one.”

─

[robsdoodlebook]

^ to reiterate my image tag: DON’T USE THESE PLEASE AND THANK. I just wanted to share!

Okay so this is a big ol post of the princes of hell from my story i’ve been calling the ‘Tippyverse’ (basically the universe tippy exists in) about toon heaven/hell where it displays shenanigans about toons coming to life and where they go when they die for real! They’re all called ‘princes’ but it’s an honorific- they’re actually all gender neautral and sexless and go by varying pronouns (which you can see under my readmore with info)

I wanted to make my own versions of Dante’s circles mixed with the 7 sins into the princes of hell who each reign over a layer based on what kind of crimes a sinner committed. there are 9 circles, but due to story spoiler stuff one of them (Heresy) went missing- as for the rest of them, they’re all a bunch of weirdo friends/co workers who live together with satan and have their own personalities/powers/perks. I’m hoping to actually make/publish a half comic half story type work with them for people to read!

needless to say, there’s a LOT about each of them so i’m just gonna put short-ish basic descriptions under a read more (and hopefully nobody will try to use these... that’s my biggest concern lmao)

TW: mention of sexual assault/assault/abuse and related under readmore

The layers are organized so that the least worst are near the top and the worst are at the bottom; each layer is endless in horizontal directions but end vertically at the next one after a large enough distance. While each layer is punishing in itself, the prince of each layer is able to further torment any within their domain- though they can punish any sinner, they’re not allowed to torture innocent souls.

First Layer: Limbo/Purgatory (Both he/him pronouns only) - endless loneliness and suffering, expecting to go to heaven; those sentenced to purgatory come from heaven but must repent before being let in, others are endlessly trapped when sentenced to limbo from hell - Tippy (Limbo) and Skippy (Purgatory) are twin brothers that represent judgement, where tippy is endless hunger for justice and skippy is the all seeing eye who witnesses. They’re both rambunctious tricksters, but tippy is more bratty while skippy likes to help

Second Layer: Fraud (he/him or they/them) - tormented/taunted endlessly by demons; those who falsify themselves and what they offer to deceive and use others in harmful ways end up here (worse than a simple lie basically) - Fraud adores casinos and gambling, and is quite cheery/charismatic usually, but you don’t want to get on his bad side. his floating rotating head has 3 main expressions that sometimes mix and match to show his mood (his mouth and eyes don’t move otherwise even when speaking). Often wanting to show off and have a good time, he’s quite good at mimicking other’s voices and faces, able to steal identities of thieves. Third Layer: Gluttony/Sloth (she/her, they/them) - constant rain, hail and black snow. This version of gluttony and sloth doesn’t punish normal consumption and laziness but instead punishes intentional over use and hoarding of resources when others need it, as well as inaction in the face of injustice and needed help. - Moby is perhaps one of the largest princes, but also softest and slowest; she loves filter feeding through the souls she tortures, napping, and being slept on. she’s fairly content not moving for a while and doesn’t usually get angry at anything. Her mouth can extend endlessly to swallow anything. Fourth Layer: Greed (mainly he/him but uses any pronouns, will take yours!) - smelting pit of gold, souls suffer and get pushed back in when trying to escape. Those who take what they want when they don’t need it and hurt others by doing so belong here. - Grasping at everything, Greed is slippery and very excitable over anything; so long as it’s something someone else wants. he’ll steal anything that has value to someone else, regardless of what it is, if tangibly take-able. His biggest desire is to have a living thing in his collection but it’s against the rules. Though he has a base of 6 arms, he can grow infinite arms and infinite pockets. Fifth Layer: Treachery (they/them or he/him) - repeatedly freeze and unfreeze in ice, slipping into sharp surfaces; those who break promises and betray others/break trust are brought here. - Usually cloaked and hiding behind a mask, treachery looks friendly and will offer you their flower, but it’s a test. if the flower grows thorns and pricks the receiver, they’re guilty of treachery and immediately in trouble. They hide their true trickery self, only dropping the facade once they betray the betrayers trust; then they punish greatly. Sometimes, if lucky enough, souls will see the shadow that shows treachery’s true self and intentions that follows strictly behind them regardless of lighting. Sixth Layer: Heresy (he/him or they/them)(erased by an antagonist) - locked in burning tombs, those who blindly lead others astray into cults and harmful/misleading followings are punished. - A charming showman like fellow, he’s quick to try and get you to follow his lead to your doom. he’ll deceive you into following his ‘group’ to your own punishment, and love taunting you every step of the way. Very show-boaty, standoffish, and full of himself, his biggest desire is to replace god- an ambition that resulted in his unfortunate accident. His crown acts as his mouth and moves for him to speak, and will clamp down painfully if he gets in over his head with ambition. He’s a rule breaker, often visiting the mortal plane to the point people mistook him for the devil himself.

Seventh Layer: Anger (She/her, they/them) - sinners fight on the surface of styx, while the sulky/gloomy angry type sink to bottom; those who use anger to control and hurt others end up here - Though easily angered with a fiery temper, she actually prefers calmness and de-stressing activities. using anger management techniques, she tries to keep her calm, but when sinners deserve punishment she has no qualms turning up the heat. She’ll lovingly guide those with help they need to calm down and de-stress, and protect the innocent from those who seek to use their rage to harm others and excuse malice. She wears a muzzle intentionally to try and hold back her own bite and allow others to feel safer around her, only unleashing it on those who deserve it. Eighth Layer: Lust (they/them only; neutral to respect all victims) - wind contorts and twists people while they hit rocks, painfully abusing their bodies; those who commit sexual abuse/assault wing up here, the worst of the worst being specially tortured by Lust - A silent and solemn being, Lust never speaks but instead gestures with head bobs on their long neck. their hair always obscures their face unless they wish to show it, or to the worst sinners who see their victim’s pain in their stitches face. The center stitch is a mouth that can split and scream blood curdling cries of pain. Genderless, they represent the pain of their victims and torment with their sharp long nails and eerie constant inducing fear, silently stalking unable to speak. Usually only in their Layer, they occasionally wander out where they’re quiet but calm and openly warm to humor and love from others that is genuine. Ninth Layer: Wrath/Violence (He/him, they/them) - boiling blood swamps mixed with flaming deserts, sinners often suffer violence they inflicted; those who actively violent attack, hurt, and otherwise assault others physically directly or near directly wind up here - Like anger, Wrath does not enjoy violence; instead, he prefers calm quiet meditation and peace. Violence causes him great pain and anger, making him often become blind so that he does not hold back his wrath upon those who committed it. Carrying a sword made of pure violent energy, only he can wield it with the gauntlet of wrath as it can grow to massive size and weight only he can bear. If struck with the sword, a sinner feels the immeasurable pain of all the summarized violence and cannot recover from it. When not trekking these planes to punish souls, Wrath often meditates in Hell’s gardens for so long plants grow over him and he’s mistaken for a statue.

[knightowl725]

Healing in a Graveyard

Fandom: Critical Role

For Fjorclay Week 2020′s Modern AU Prompt - a day early because I wrote something very short for today’s actual prompt and got super excited about this one. More chapters to follow.

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828932/chapters/57258880

Chapter One: Just For A Few Days

Fjord had never expected to agree when Beau and Jester first dragged him to see the place. The Blooming Grove.

“It’s a big house near campus,” Jester told him. “They’re very friendly to students, and the prices are very reasonable. Molly said there were lots of empty rooms they want to rent out.”

“Yeah, but it’s in a graveyard,” Fjord reminded her. She ignored him.

"We'll all have rooms near each other and share meals and hang out.”

"If our rooms are next to each other, we can learn morse code and tap messages!" Beau exclaimed, and that one got to him. So he went along to take a look at the place. Yasha and Molly were already living there, and it was Molly that showed them around in the absent landlord’s stead.

Fjord said no at first. He was with Avantika and her crew. He'd gotten in with Avantika early on, when it all first became overwhelming. Classes and a part time job, topped with the social pressures of a smaller school, it was all too much. Avantika had found him then, drawn him in and all but fed him to that…

If he was honest he'd just call it a cult. Like Jester's Traveler but instead of lighthearted mischief it was promising your eternal devotion and doing some mildly illegal shit. They found him at his lowest and made him feel wanted, welcome. Like he was family.

An entire year and some had gone by. And Fjord was getting thinner, more tired, more drawn out every day.

Beau burst into his room one day after class. He was living in a house with the rest of Avantika’s group, The Champions, in a room he shared with three other people. It was a cramped house, and it ate up all the money he made at his part-time job. But that was the price you paid to be family. A Champion.

No one else was home right now, off under Avantika’s guidance to do something in their snake god’s honor. Fjord still felt shivers every time they said its name. 

A rap on his window jolted him upright, books strewn around him on the bed. He went to the window to find Beau crouched outside it, perched on a part of the roof that met the house under his window.

He unlocked the window and flung it open. “Beau! What are you--”

She slid into the room past him. “Intervention!”

“Inter--”

“The semester is nearly over,” she said, starting to wander around the room, piling up his books and school supplies. “There’s only a few weeks left, tons of tests and shit. You said yourself that these...freaks or whatever...are distracting you, and you’re this close to losing your scholarship.”

“Yeah, bu--”

“They take all your money, force you to work with them, act super controlling all the time, and now you can’t even study.”

“They let me miss out today to stud--”

Beau found his duffel bag and began shoving books into it. “You’re staying with me for a few days. Just a few days! Swear. You need to get out of this creepy house--”

“And into the graveyard?’

She gave him a pointed look. “Isn’t it saying something that the graveyard isn’t half as creepy?”

He rolled his eyes, and she went on, “You’re getting a break, dude. You need it. Everyone agrees. We’re intervening and forcing it.”

“Beau--”

“Just a few days,” she insisted, a little softer. “Hang out with your friends, focus on school, then you’ll be back in this shithole selling your soul to whatever like you always dreamed.”

She shoved the open bag, stuffed with books, into his arms like it weighed nothing. He nearly buckled at the sudden weight. “Pack up your laptop and some clothes and shit.”

Fjord tried to argue further, but she was right. He was exhausted. And loud as their friend group was, they knew how to respect someone trying to keep a scholarship. They wouldn’t follow him to the library to drag him to a ‘mandatory meeting’ no one told him about, or burst into class in the middle of a test because he had a ‘personal emergency’ that was just another meeting. Or remind him at least twice a week that he could always drop out and just work full time with them.

With a deep, tired sigh, Fjord relented.

~~~~

It had been raining, a hot summer rain. Sticky and gross.

"C’mon!" Beau ordered, literally dragging him by the arm through the graveyard with her insane strength. "Just stay for, like, three days. Get your head on right."

"There's no way your landlord will let me stay."

"You haven't met the guy," she said with a strange expression. Like bewilderment met respect. It was always the look his friends who lived there wore when talking about their landlord and neighbor. "His family has owned this place since like forever. He acts like a major stoner though I rarely see him smoke, and all he wants is tenants that keep the place lively but not destroyed. And to feed us sometimes. But it's dope vegan shit."

"Sounds like the weirdest hippie ever."

"Oh, he is," she assured him.

And Fjord gave in and followed her up the last steps up to the building they called the “Xhorhas”. 

The building itself was old, but sturdy. A stone and brick structure that had stood longer than some of the Grove’s vibrant trees. It was almost mid-Spring then, and the garden-graveyard was bursting with color and flowers and bugs.

“Don’t be a baby,” Beau snapped when he jolted away from a fat little bumblebee. 

“There aren’t bugs in the house, are there?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes, which he hoped to mean ‘of course not’.

The front porch was a wooden structure, painted white then further painted in mis-matched designs and colors. Various plants covered the railings and hung from the room, and there was a little table, a white wooden bench - also painted - and a single, oversized rocking chair. 

“We painted those,” Beau said. “Caduceus had to tear down the old porch and rebuild, and Jester convinced him to let us paint all over it. Check this out!”

She led him to the bench and dragged him down to sit, then to look under it upside-down. There, painted neatly and lovingly under the bench’s seat, was a series of stylized dicks.

Fjord sighed as Beau cackled. Normally it might get a chuckle out of him, but he was too tired to be amused these days.

“Oh, c’mon you old man,” she said, leading him to the actual door. She pulled it open without a key.

“Is it always unlocked? Won’t people try to break in?”

“To a graveyard house?” she asked. “Honestly I’d like to see them try. You haven’t even seen--”

“Ah, Beauregard?” called a low, gentle voice from inside. “Welcome home.”

“Hey Caduceus,” she replied, wiping her feet on the entry mat - covered in a floral design - before stepping further inside. Fjord mimicked her movements.

The front entryway was probably larger than it seemed, with tall ceilings and a rectangular frame. But it was over-crowded with things. Plants everywhere, hanging and on window sills and standing at the edges of the room. There were plush rugs over stone flooring in muted, worn colors more likely due to age and use than style. There was, to the right, a door leading into another room with a curtain hanging down and a collection of plush, mis-matched chairs around a table. Slightly off center to the left were the stairs up to the actual rooms. To the left, a little shelf crammed full of books, endless plants, and was that a shrine?

“Oh, you brought a guest?”

Beau had stepped towards the left, where a tall figure was peering into hanging plants with a watering can dwarfed by his height.

“Yeah, Caduceus, this is Fjord. The friend we’ve mentioned. Fjord, this our landlord, Caduceus.”

Caduceus looked over and smiled, eyes a little droopy in that calm, might-be-a-stoner-but-might-also-just-look-that-way kinda way. He was a firbolg, a rare breed in this area these days, coated in a layer of gray fur, but with pink eyes, hair, and a neatly trimmed pink beard. He wore plain, loose clothing underneath a vibrantly teal, thin coat that stretched nearly to the floor, covered in pink branches and flowers and beetles. Through one ear looped a thick wooden spiral for an earring.

Caduceus made a face. “I don’t like that word, ‘landlord’. I prefer just being another neighbor. Hullo Mister Fjord.”

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you.” Fjord gave an awkward little nod towards the tall man.

“Right, well I wanted to ask if it’s cool if Fjord crashes here for a few days,” Beau said with no warning nor ceremony. Fjord twitched in discomfort. “Maybe a week.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Fjord insisted. “I do have a room--”

“Yeah, in a cultist house with your shitty whatever she is,” Beau snapped.

“Ah, Fjord,” Caduceus said, as if he was suddenly putting the pieces together. “It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.”

“I don’t have any money. I couldn’t pay.”

The firbolg smiled at him. “I didn’t ask for money. You’re a friend of everyone here, and they are my friends. Which, by extension, makes you a friend of mine as well. I wouldn’t turn away a friend who needs a little time away from things.”

Beau gave him a pointed look as if to say, “told you so!”

To Beau, Caduceus said, almost dreamily, “We still have that vacant room.”

“Molly’s old room,” Beau reminded Fjord. Molly, their wild and fabulous tiefling friend, had decided to transfer schools last semester. While it broke the heart of their friend group, he still visited, video chatted, and sent perfumed letters often.

“It’s not much, but there’s a bed and a dresser still. Good enough for a week or so.”

“I couldn’t accept such a generous offer,” Fjord told him. 

“Fjord!” Beau exclaimed. “Let people help you!”

“It’s an entire room, something everyone else is paying for!”

“For like a week, Fjord! And it’s not like people are breaking down the door to live here!”

Fjord glanced at Caduceus, but the man looked unaffected by the comment. Either he was completely vacant, or he was very much in touch with the reality of his home.

“If it’s so important to you,” Caduceus drawled. “I could use some help around the house and the Grove for a few days. I’ve got some projects that have piled up. We could consider that your rent for the week?”

Beau stared holes into Fjord, hands splayed and extended as if to say, “come on!”

“That’s very kind of you, Caduceus,” Fjord said. “I...I suppose it would be a nice break.”

“Finally!” Beau exclaimed. She leapt over to the stairs, thudding up them and shouting, “Jes! We got Fjord for a week!”

“A week!” came a shout from Jester’s familiar voice.

Fjord sighed. Caduceus looked up the stairs smiling. “Such a lively bunch.”

Turning back to Fjord he said, “Let me get you your key.”

~~

Caduceus had been right, the room wasn’t especially noteworthy. But it was clean, with a nice window that overlooked the Grove, including the largest tree there, and simple, sturdy furniture. 

He didn’t have much to his name with him. Avantika and The Champions had taken it poorly when he texted the group chat that he was staying with a friend for the week, but they hadn’t completely flipped out. Still, he wasn’t going to risk going back to that house until he was going back for good. When Beau had grabbed him, they’d focused on taking the things he needed for school so as not to draw attention, and only the bare minimum in anything else.

He had $20 to his name for food for the week, maybe longer. He had two day’s worth of clothes, so he’d be doing laundry every day. Maybe it’d be a good excuse to convince Caleb to let him clean his clothes as well. He somehow always got them covered in dirt and mystery stains. Chem majors.

Caduceus had left him with fresh sheets and linens, as well as a small potted plant. He rattled off instructions and odd musings, then promised it would survive almost anything as long as he watered it every few days and didn’t put it in direct sunlight.

Fjord sat on the edge of the bed, patchwork blankets neatly folded beside him, his duffle bag sitting by the door, and took a breath. There was a large mirror on top of the dresser that looked directly at him. He looked, well. He looked like shit.

His beard, never the full, lush thing he would have preferred, had grown in patchy and speckled with gray. That tiny sliver of gray he’d found at eighteen had expanded into a full-blown chunk at the front of his scalp. His hair was too long, disheveled at this length. His eyes looked sunken and almost bloodshot. He was frowning deeply, his default expression. He sat slumped and tired and worn. Worse than shit, he looked half-dead.

Maybe he could just ask Caduceus to dig him a hole.

~~

He shouldn’t have joked about that, because that was exactly what Caduceus asked him to do pre-dawn the next morning. Luckily, Caduceus was an early riser, which was the only time Fjord had reliably free before classes and work.

“Do I want to know what these holes are for?” Fjord asked gingerly, looking at the shovel handed to him.

“I would think it’s fairly obvious,” Caduceus said, a little perplexed and a little amused in one.

Fjord cleared his throat. “Right. Okay.”

Caduceus worked right alongside him, digging, then breaking from that to stay nearby. He cared for plants, cleaned gravestones, laid out flowers, and prepared these new gravesites. He worked in relative silence, occasionally humming some song or another seemingly without realizing. Sometimes Fjord heard him murmuring to the plants. He’d heard of people talking to plants, and, frankly, it would have been weirder if Caduceus didn’t.

Fjord finished his work as the sun rose, a little worn and sweaty, covered in dirt, but good. He hadn’t been exercising with Beau as much these past few months. Or the past year, really. He was just too damned tired these days. But it felt good to do something physical again.

“Ah, got that done much faster than I expected,” Caduceus said happily. He looked over the grave sites, then nodded in approval. “You did an excellent job. You’re stronger than you seem.”

“I spent a few years working on ships,” Fjord said. The reason he had started college later than most.

“On the ocean?”

“Yeah,” Fjord said.

“That sounds nice,” he said dreamily. “Never been to the ocean.”

“Really?” Fjord asked. “You, uh, you might like it. Not as many plants, at least not that you can easily see. But it’s beautiful. Calming.”

Caduceus leaned on his own shovel like a staff, closing his eyes for a moment as though he were picturing it. “Maybe I’ll go someday.”

They were quiet for a moment, seeing the sun cresting the earth, casting light over the graveyard. 

“Well, that’s enough for today, I think,” Caduceus said. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

Fjord followed him back to the house, bounding up the stairs to shower and change into his only other set of clothes. The biggest downside to the Xhorhas was that it only boasted two bathrooms to share between the residents, two and one more on the third floor for Caduceus. At least each shower was beyond its own door from the sink and toilet, which was something. 

Not many were up at this hour, so he had an entire bathroom to himself. He showered briskly, then took a moment to shave. His hair would have to wait. Maybe Yasha would cut it? She cut Caleb’s hair that one time. Or was that his beard? He couldn’t remember anything besides it involving a sword.

He passed Nott on the way downstairs, who griped at him for ‘taking forever’. Nott was the only non-student in the house, besides maybe Caduceus. She was staying there to save money while she waited for her husband and her son to be able to move to the area, where they hoped to get a proper house for themselves. And maybe Caleb.

When he reached downstairs, noting he still had time for breakfast and maybe some studying before class, he found an odd sight. Carefully arranged in the limited space of the front entry were two yoga mats, on which Caduceus and Beau were finishing up their yoga session.

“Oh, hey Fjord,” Beau said from a twisted stance that was certainly not human. 

Caduceus released a sigh as he unfurled himself. “Mister Fjord, we’re about to do some meditating if you’d like to join us.”

Beau’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah. Caduceus does the best guided meditations, man.”

“I’m not really one for meditation,” he said.

Before Beau could complain, Caduceus nodded, closing his eyes calmly and saying, “That’s quite alright. If you ever need to calm your mind or find some peace, you’re welcome to join us.”

“Uh, thank you,” Fjord said. 

He slung his bag over his shoulder and quickly left the house and The Blooming Grove. If he swung by the cafe he worked at, he might be able to get some day-old pastries or breakfast sandwiches for a discount. Of course, only The Champions worked there, so he’d be at a risk. 

He was scheduled for this afternoon, and he had to work. But he wasn’t ready to face any of them.

Might be better just to skip breakfast.

[h3llostrang3r]

Guardians of the Heir (TRH)

Liam x Sophie Word Count: 2,064 Warning: Just a bit of fluff.  Summary: Pregnant Sophie spends some time with Maxwell, Hana, and Drake. Note: This idea stemmed from “The Queen's Throne.” Here we see what Sophie did during the day. 

The Fun Uncle: 

“Hi there Maxwell Jr.! This is your favorite Uncle… Maxwell! I’ve decided that not only will you have written documentation of your mom and uncle on their great adventures, you will also get to see it first hand via video!” 

The camera is zoomed in close on Maxwell as he attempts to vlog and walk alongside Sophie and her corgis, Lord AppleSeed and Lady AppleBottom, and they make their way to the menagerie. In the background, Sophie laughs and can be heard saying, “Names are still up in the air until the baby comes.” The camera is still on Maxwell, huge grin on his face, he mouths, ‘Maxwell Jr.’ 

“Alright baby, here is your beautiful mommy, Queen Sophie, but you call her Queen Mommy.” 

He pans the camera to her and she waves, her smile bright and freckles highlighted by the sunlight. 

“Aaaand here are your fur siblings! They will give you lots of kisses and hours of entertainment when your Uncle Maxwell isn’t around.” Lord AppleSeed and Lady AppleBottom wag their tails and bark their “hellos” to the camera.

 As they approach the menagerie the two corgis run off in search of Milo and Sagwa, Sophie’s red pandas. The picture is slightly blurry as Maxwell chases after them to catch their interaction.

Milo and Sagwa yawn as the corgis’ barks wakes them. Sagwa untangles herself from her brother’s cuddling embrace and the two climb down to greet their visitors. Sophie reaches out for Milo and he happily embraces her in a hug, while Sagwa circles around the corgis. 

“Alright everyone, are we ready for the most amazing dance video the world has ever seen?” 

All the animals tilt their heads as they watch Maxwell set up the camera on a tripod and adjusts it so everyone is seen in the video. Sophie gets the music ready on her phone, and connects it to the portable speaker they brought along. 

As soon as the music starts playing Maxwell gyrates to the beat and makes his way to group. Sophie laughs infectiously at the site and sways from side to side with Milo still in her arms. He grabs treats from his pockets and uses them to encourage the animals to dance on their hind legs. At the sight, Milo jumps from Sophie’s arms and joins the others. 

“Aww, there goes my dance partner,” she dramatically pouts, but as soon as the words leave her lips she feels the baby kick.

 “I was kidding, baby love, I know you’re still dancing with me.” She cradles her belly as she continues dancing and feels the baby moving around. 

Maxwell begins popping and locking with an occasional spin, while Milo and Sagwa hop on the backs of Lord AppleSeed and Lady AppleBottom. He then makes sure his space is clear before he performs and lands a backflip.

“I am the master of the dance!!” He shouts as he raises his arms in the air. 

The corgis respond with an, “ARooOoOoo.” 

“ArooooOoOoOOo,” Maxwell joins in, then looks to Sophie. 

“Maxwell, a Queen doesn’t howl.” Her face is stern, and her full lips transition into a thin line. 

He doesn’t blink as he continues to stare at her, while simultaneously shimmying his shoulders. 

A smile creeps up and she shakes her head in defeat, “ArooOoOOoOoOooo.” 

As soon as their dancing ends the two corgis and pandas run off with each other, and Sophie finds a quiet spot to sit. 

“That is going to be the best dance video in Cordonia history. Do you think Liam will let me upload it?” 

“Not a chance, Maxwell.” Sophie said, slightly out of breath. “But, it will be a great video to show the baby when they’re older.” 

She places her hand on her belly, the baby still not done dancing.“Maxwell, feel this.” 

She takes his hand and places it on her stomach.“They loved dancing with their fun Uncle Maxwell.” 

His face lit up with joy as he sat next to Sophie, “don’t worry little one, we’re going to have plenty of dance parties together.” 

**** 

The Loving Aunt:

The weather outside was warm with a cool breeze, the flowers were in full bloom and the air was filled with their sweet scent. Sophie and Hana were on the grass adjacent to the gazebo, paint easels set-up, and a picnic blanket laid out with an assortment of goodies they prepared earlier. Sophie wasn’t much of a painter, but she enjoyed the feel of the paint gliding across the canvas. She found herself reaching out for the finger foods as she mindlessly swirled her paintbrush. 

“Sophie, I’m almost finished. How about you get some plates started for us, and I’ll join you on the blanket when I’m done.” Hana giggled, she knew Sophie had been excited to eat since she put the basket together in the kitchen. 

“Oh thank God.” Sophie cleans up her hands then scoots onto the blanket and grabs their plates; adding dumplings , spring rolls, and fruit. From the picnic basket Sophie pulled out two small cups and a thermos. It was filled with an infused tea made up of oolong, and hints of apple and cinnamon.

“Alright, finished. Are you ready to see?” Hana looks over from the canvas, spotting Sophie with a dumpling halfway into her mouth. 

Sophie nods her head with anticipation as she takes a bite of her food. Hana carefully rotates the easel and displays it for Sophie to see. The portrait was filled with bright shades of red, orange, and yellow. She had painted Thornwood’s sigil, the ever rising Phoenix.

“What do you think? I hope the colors are alright, I tried my best to match the ones that you have throughout the duchy.” 

Sophie swallowed her bite, and brought her napkin up to her mouth; attempting to wipe the crumbs and hide that she was about to cry. Sophie was never one to hide her emotions, but since the rise in hormones she found herself crying a bit more than she wanted to. 

“Hana,” the tears started to form, stinging her eyes as she attempted to fight them off. “It’s absolutely gorgeous.” She chokes up, trying to compose herself, but in the end the hormones always win. “It’s going to look fantastic in the nursery.” Her tears begin to fall, and Hana quickly scurries to her side. 

She lovingly wrapped her in a warm embrace, “Please don’t cry. I accept payments from you in smiles only.” Hana squished her cheeks to Sophie’s hoping she would get her to smile and giggled, “you’re going to get salty tears in your tea.” Sophie squeezed back and a gentle laugh replaced her tears. 

Sophie could feel the pressure in her belly shifting to where Hana was. Once she realized what was happening, she grabbed Hana’s dainty hands to where the baby had moved. She chuckled at the sensation, “the baby wants a hug too, Hana.” 

Hana’s smile glowed at Sophie’s words, she found the baby with her hands and leaned down to give it a kiss. “Sweet little baby, I can’t wait for you to see your painting in person. Oh, and for us to have cocoa-parties, I promise to make you my best treats. We’ll have so much fun.” 

“I think they’ll like that very much, Hana. If we’re best friends, I can only imagine the joy and happiness you’ll bring them.” 

“Aww, Sophie.” They embraced again, this time the tears belonged to Hana. 

****

The Whipped Uncle:

“Alright, let’s see what we got here,” Drake grunted as he bent forward reaching for the portable air pump. 

Earlier in the month Sophie ordered new inner tubes for her and Drake. She loved that he would take her around the lake in the row boat, but with the warmer weather she wanted to relax in the cool water. She handed him her inner tube first, as she sat with her legs crossed on the grass she carefully watched his reaction. It wasn’t long before he dropped his head and shook it, when he looked at Sophie he gave her a smirk. 

“Thorn, what the hell did you buy? I thought we were going to be relaxing in the water. Not… role playing the Crown and the Flame.” 

Sophie’s smile lit up as the inner tube inflated more, it was a blue dragon with fire that came out of its large mouth. She bought it off of the show’s website, she always wanted to have a dragon. Sure this one was plastic, but it would do just fine. 

She called out, “Your turn,” as she chucked his inner tube in his direction. He squinted his eyes at her as he turned on the pump. It definitely wasn’t the same as hers, but it wasn’t a plain one either. 

“What should I be expecting, Thorn?” 

A coy smile crept upon her lips, “You’ll see!” 

Drake ran his hand over his face as he came to realize what she bought. He shook his head furiously as he glared her way and shouted, “No way, Thorn. I am not getting in this.” 

“Yee-haw, cowboy!!” She cried out as she pretended to wave a lasso in the air. It was a float in the shape of a horse, a saddle as the backrest, and functional reins.

“Yee-haw, my ass” he grumbled to himself. 

“C’mon Drake, it’s totally you! And it has a cup holder for your whiskey.” She giggled at the sight of his face, he was irate, but she knew he would still sit in it. “Help me up, I’m stuck.” She reached out her hands playfully and with his head still shaking he made his way towards her. 

 His large, calloused hands carefully held on to her soft, small ones and he lifted her up with ease. 

“Why thank you, kind sir. Now let’s grab some drinks and ride off into the sunset!” 

In a small cooler, Sophie had two insulated tumblers - one filled with whiskey, and the other with a virgin pina-colada. They made their way to the lake and she handed off Drake’s drink as she wiggled into her inner-tube. He took a long sip of his whiskey as he stared at the inflatable horse. 

Sophie pushed herself off from the shore, happily sipping her drink as she watched Drake contemplate getting in. “C’mon water buddy, I am floating away and Liam is going to be pissed if I’m stuck in this water all night.” 

He hollers back, “I’m fine with just walking away right now.” 

“Draaaaake, please!” She whines, as she splashes her feet in the water. He takes another sip as he gets onto the tube. 

Time passes as they savor their drinks, and Sophie occasionally singing off-key, “If you like pina-coladas.” They talk about anything that doesn’t involve the royal council or any sort of politics. Just relaxing, laughing, and enjoying the simple moment.

“I’m so excited to take them camping, and fishing, and horseback riding.” Drake’s smile is wide as he helps Sophie to shore and out from her seat.

“They’re going to love it too. I really want them to be able to step away from court from time to time. Just because we’re royalty doesn’t mean we’re not human, we should be able to take pleasure in ‘commoner’ activities.” 

Sophie suddenly wraps Drake in a hug, he’s startled at first, but hugs her back. “Thanks for doing this for us, Drake.” She steps back and rubs her hand over her bump. 

“Any time, Thorn.” He looks to her questionably and she nods in approval. He reaches his hand out to her belly, “Any time for you too, Little Thorn.” He feels a strong kick to his open palm, 

“Hey, Little Thorn’s first high-five.” 

****

The moon and stars were out, Sophie had taken a long and steamy shower, then a delightful dinner with Hana. She discussed tomorrow’s plans with Gladys and responded to a few emails before she started to feel a bit nauseous.

She finally decided it was time for bed. Her feet ached, so one by one she slipped off her shoes. Her hair had been up all day, so down it came. Her breasts were sore, so off came that restraining bra. As she made her way to her bedroom a light peeked out from Liam’s office.

“Oh look, baby love, daddy’s home.”

[graveyardarcana-blog]

Hiking In Vesuvia

author's note: this story was originally an ask that i accidentally deleted. it is about muriel taking mc on a lovely hike through vesuvia mountains. requested by @thebisexualapprentice

•《🥀》•

"Freshly picked red apples from Nadia's garden? Check. Salad with the finest greens in Vesuvia, also from Nadia's garden? Check. Asra's special not-so-magic rose tea, in satchel? Check. And finally, homemade smoked eel, made by yours truly, MC? Check!" I said to myself, checking my list and weeding through a little picnic basket Asra bought for me years ago.

Last time I was visiting Muriel, he invited me to go on a hike with him through the Vesuvian mountains. Of course I gladly accepted, and here I am. He didn't ask for any food, much less a picnic, but I figured it would be nice to surprise him, or at least return the favor of him taking me on such a lovely trip.

"Got your stuff, MC?" Asra asked, leaning on the shop's door frame. He's holding a colorful woven blanket, clearly handmade by a Vesuvian weaver.

"Everything's all ready and packed," I replied, closing the basket and grasping it's handle. "What's that?" I asked curiously, pointing at the blanket in his hands.

"Oh, this? Well, it gets cold on the cliffs in the evenings, and I thought you and Muri would like a blanket. You know, just in case," he said, approaching me and smiling. He placed it in my hands and patted the top of it. "Be safe, okay? I know Muri won't let anything happen to you, but I also know that you get curious sometimes. Just, be careful," he stated.

"I will Asra, I promise I won't wonder off the trail chasing butterflies," I replied, blanket and basket in hand.

Asra laughed and pulled me into a friendly hug, messing up my hair on purpose.

"Oh you dingus!" I hissed, pulling away. He smiled and stepped out of my way, motioning to the door. I glared at him but returned a small smile, walking passed him and out the small decorated door.

"Be careful! Tell Muriel I said hello!" he yelled behind me as he waved goodbye.

"I will!" I shouted back, picking up my pace. I've never been hiking before, but I'm beyond excited. Especially because I'm going with Muriel.

The sound of music, city-goers, and shop owners advertising filled air. Colorful silks and fabrics danced in with the warm summer breeze, and the smell of freshly baked goods swirled through the atmosphere. I took in a deep breath, embracing the scent of seafood, fire-cooked vegetables, and the sweet aroma of my favorite pumpkin bread. Rich perfumes dazzled the streets, blooming flowers covered Vesuvian buildings, and beautiful, diverse bodies swarmed the heart of the city. I twirled and danced through the alleys and pathways, occasionally grasping a stranger's hand and dancing with them. With a soft smile plastered on my face, I made my way through Vesuvia's crowded streets.

"Hey, Olivia!" a familiar voice hollered behind me. I turned around and saw my baker friend, grinning and waving me over. I trotted to his stand and greeted him.

"Hello Selasi! What's the matter?" I asked, playing with a small plant on his counter.

"Oh nothing dear magician, I just heard that you have a date with a certain someone," he replied, eyebrow raised.

I smiled and said, "Why yes I do, in fact, I'm on my way to meet him now."

"How wonderful!" Selasi cheered. "I've got something for you, a gift to share with this special person," he said, reaching behind him. He presented me with a fresh, extra large loaf of pumpkin bread. "Your favorite!" he exclaimed. "I'm sure your date will enjoy it too."

"You are too kind Selasi," I stated, grasping the loaf. "Could I pay you a small amount?" I asked.

Selasi shook his head. "No can-do MC, it's a gift from me to you," he replied, smiling.

I huffed. "Fine, fine, but do expect a tip next time!" I said as I carefully packed the bread in my basket. Standing up, I gave Selasi a quick, "Thank you!" and was on my way.

"You're welcome MC! Safe travels!" he shouted.

I continued walking down Vesuvia's colorful, bustling streets until the crowds started to thin out and I saw the edge of the forest in the distance. Soft murmurs of travelers and wonderers could be heard, along with the sound of waves crashing against Vesuvian shores. Muriel told me that he would meet me in this spot, as he didn't want me walking in the forest alone, nor did he want to navigate the heart of the city. I brushed off my clothing and took a seat on a small bench resting in the shadows of an old, damaged building. Small birds chirped around me, filling any silence on the city's edge. I closed my eyes for a moment, until I heard a deep, rumbling voice.

"MC?" Muriel asked as he approached me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, smiling. Ianna was trailing behind him, wagging her tail and panting.

"Hi Muri," I said as I stood up. He is much taller than me and intimidating to most street-goers, but I feel a strong sense of safety and security whenever I'm with him. His height, figure, and demeanor never bothered me, even when we first met. I always found it unique and intriguing. "You look nice today," I complimented him, running my hands over his furs and cloak. He also had the green scarf I bought him wrapped loosely around his neck.

"I... Thank you," he replied, his cheeks turning bright pink. He played with his hands and looked towards the forest. "You do too, I mean, you look nicer than me," he said quietly, still blushing.

I chuckled. "Oh nonsense! If anyone here has a sense of fashion, it's certainly you," I stated, examining his outfit. All of the furs and fabrics perfectly came together and matched, and he never wore any flashy colors. Everything meshed beautifully, and it reminded me of the forest itself.

He smiled softly and looked at me. His green eyes sparkled and his fluffy black hair blew gently in the wind. After taking a moment to look at me, he pointed to the basket and blanket I was holding. "What's that?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Oh! I thought it would be nice to make us some food for when we get to the top of the mountain," I said, opening the basket. "I've got fresh pumpkin bread from Selasi, apples and salad from Nadia's garden, and homemade smoked eel. I made it myself," I explained as I weaved through all the contents to show him. "And this," I started, closing the basket and holding up the colorful blanket, "is from Asra. He wanted me to bring it with us incase it gets cold on the cliff."

Muriel stood still, eyebrows furrowed together. "You did all of this... For me?" he questioned, shocked at all the things I had brought.

"Of course I did," I replied. "You invited me to do something fun that I've never done before, so I figured I would do a little something special for you," I elaborated.

"But... Why?" he asked quietly, now looking me in the eyes.

I raised my free hand up to his face. He flinched at first, but quickly relaxed with my touch. "Because you deserve it," I said, gently rubbing my thumb against his cheek. He put his hand up to mine and let out a sigh. "Now come on, let's go hiking," I stated, grinning.

"I guess that is what we came here for," Muriel said, giving my hand a squeeze before letting it down. He grasped the basket and blanket from my arm and approached Ianna, who seemed to be antsy to start exploring. He pat her back, saying, "Hop on, MC."

I grinned and jogged over to Ianna, running my fingers through her soft, gray fur. She turned to lick my hand and wagged her fluffy tail.

Suddenly, large hands grasped my waist and lifted me up onto Ianna's back. "Hey!" I said, laughing. "I could've done that myself, you know."

Muriel chuckled as he smoothed out some of the wolf's fur. "I know," he said, throwing Asra's blanket over his shoulder and resting my basket on his arm. "Let's go Ianna," he stated as he started walking. The wolf happily trotted alongside Muriel, occasionally looking back to check on me.

I leaned forward and rested my head on the back of Ianna's neck, wrapping my arms around her chest. She licked my arm and scooted in closer to Muriel. I looked up at him and saw him smiling, adoring the sight of me and Ianna getting along so well.

Beautiful oak and spruce trees began to tower over us as we made our way into the forest. Patches of golden sunlight shown through the treetops and lit up the path. Birds and colorful insects flew around us, and flower petals blew with the wind. Wild roses, daisies, forget-me-nots, and poppies littered the bush, bright reds, pinks, blues, and yellows clashing against the greenery. Occasionally, I saw tiny field mice hop around tree roots and patches of grass.

"This place is beautiful Muriel," I said, wonder and awe filling my gaze. "I wouldn't mind being here often," I stated, looking upon the gorgeous scenery.

"Y-you could, if you... If you wanted to," Muriel muttered, clearly flustered. He wasn't used to much company, let alone someone who really wanted to be around him.

I sat up on Ianna's back and looked up at him. "I would really like that Muri," I replied, a light blush painted on my cheeks.

He turned to face me and smiled softly, green eyes gazing at me lovingly. "S-so would I," he said quietly.

I reached for his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. Bright red pigment covered his cheeks and neck all the way down to his chest. "I can stop if you want," I stated, worried I had made the wrong move.

Rather than saying anything, Muriel held my hand tighter and continued on the path. I smiled and rubbed my thumb against his skin. Ianna wagged her tail and scooted over to bump us together. Muriel chuckled and patted her head with his free hand.

We soon approached the beginning of the Vesuvian mountains. The path became much steeper, and piles of rocks were increasing in abundance. The trees were huge and their canopies were much darker than those in the main forest. A lot less sunlight shown through the leaves.

"Okay MC," Muriel began, lifting me off of Ianna's back. "This is where the real hiking starts. Ianna, stay behind us incase MC slips," he commanded, rubbing her back. She barked in response.

"Just hold my hand and follow my lead, okay?" he requested, looking at me with worry. "I dont want you getting hurt."

I smiled and gripped his hand. "Will do," I replied. He nodded and pressed his forehead against mine for a few moments, then stepped back.

"Let's go then," he said, taking the first few steps. I gladly obliged.

Climbing up the mountain was a lot easier than Muriel had let it off to be, and I was having the time of my life. Beautiful luminescent mushrooms glowed in shadowy places, interesting bugs and herbs infested the mountain side, creating sweet scents and gorgeous biodiversity. Birds sang and families of wild deer laid in small clearings. Small creeks and ponds were everywhere. I could also hear the sound of a distant waterfall.

Muriel suddenly stopped and bent over, picking up a pretty, colorful flower I had never seen before. It was about as big as my palm and consisted of blues and violets. He brushed my hair behind my ear and placed the beautiful plant on top of it. His huge hand fell to the crook between my neck and shoulder.

"Pretty," he said. "Both of you."

I smiled and got on my tip toes. "Pick me up for a moment," I requested.

He looked confused, but nodded and made sure he was grounded so we wouldn't slip. He grasped my waist and lifted me up to his face with ease.

"Thank you," I murmured, gently kissing his cheek. "I couldn't reach," I giggled.

Muriel chuckled and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck, calmness and warmth coming over me. He he grunted softly, like he hadn't been hugged in years.

Ianna barked, obviously eager to get to the top of the mountain. Muriel shook his head and carefully put me down. "Ready to go, aren't you pup?" he questioned, knowing the answer. Ianna whined and inched forward.

"I suppose so," I said, holding Muriel's hand once more. "Are we close?" I asked.

"Very, just a few more minutes," Muriel replied, making sure he had his footing before continuing. I grinned and happily kept up the pace.

The trees were starting to become smaller, and the canopies more open now. With the path now wider, Ianna caught up to me and Muriel, pressing against my side. Warm colors started showing through the leaves and the air became cooler. We approached a large, rocky opening where the sky was now fully visible.

"Careful," Muriel stated as we climbed up the rocks. I followed his movements and steps, watching to make sure I didn't slip. Ianna hopped up the larger rocks and quickly made it to the top, sitting down and waiting for us patiently. Muriel made it up soon after her, reached for my hands, and pulled me up.

Nothing could've prepared me for the sight in front of me. I gasped, staring in awe at the beautiful sunset. Vibrant oranges, reds, purples and pinks filled the evening sky. Fluffy clouds danced in the air, gold and pink hues painted all over them. The sun casted off a deep orange light, covering me, Muriel, and Ianna in beautiful color. But above all, I could see the palace and entire city of Vesuvia. Gold plating and marble glowed under the sunset, sparkling and gleaming in the warm light. Lanterns and distant lights looked like gorgeous yellow orbs, and the marketplace was vibrant with color. All of the buildings had an orange hue, and the river cutting through the heart of Vesuvia glowed a bright, beautiful aqua. I turned to my right and saw the vast ocean, patches of yellow, orange, and red glowing on the dark blue waters. Large ships and small sailboats rocked against the gentle waves. Vesuvians resided on the streets and beaches, enjoying the twilight.

"Muriel... This, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I said, turning to face him. "Did you know it would look like this?" I asked, still in shock over the landscape.

Muriel blushed and fiddled with his hands. "I come here a lot, I-I wanted you to see it too," he replied. His black hair glowed in the light and his eyes sparkled brightly.

"Oh Muri," I began, pulling him into an embrace. "It's amazing, thank you so much," I murmured softly, snuggling up close to his chest. "I love it," I added, looking up at him.

He smiled and rested his head on top of mine, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. His body relaxed in my arms and he let out a relieved sigh.

"How about we have our meal now?" I suggested, pulling away gently.

Muriel smiled and nodded, taking the blanket off his shoulder and laying it down a few feet away from the cliff's edge. He sat down and put the basket in the middle of our spot. Ianna wagged her tail and curled up beside him, resting her head on his leg.

I approached the two and plopped down on the side opposite to Muriel. I opened the basket of goods, spreading them on the blanket. And without any words, we began to eat our meal, watching the wonderous sunset.

•《🥀》•

hi guys! i hope you enjoyed this story. it's a bit longer than originally intended, but i'm a sucker for detail and solid storylines. if you have any suggestions for a story, please check out my request post and send them through an ask! thank you!

-liv🖤

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Sunflowers

Sunflowers remind Cullen of home, and a few other things as well.

 A commission for the ever so lovely @spectre-ro featuring her gorgeous Inquisitor Evelyn and Cullen. 

In the Circle there were books of poems Cullen read in quiet moments. Poems of love, poems that depicted love as a secret shared, and poems that spoke of love as promises and finding the sun through the darkness. He read them all in his quiet moments, imagining gentle days with another. He saw the moments as he often saw the fairytales his mother used to read to him as a child—surreal in his mind, colorful and full of wonder. And as he got older, as it…that happened, those poems were every bit as impossible as those fairy tales.

It was a cycle. Once he believed, before life came with all the strife it could muster, making him not believe anymore. Yet if a part of him still believed it was true after Kinloch as he lived in Kirkwall, it remained dormant. Love and the secrets and sun it evoked, it was for other people in those days. Life was black and white. Black and white, until one day, he started to see dapples of color. Bits of bright blue and red in the flowers that grew around the Circle, and then, after he came to the Inquisition, back home, the color was everywhere.

Evelyn came and she was poetry.

Evelyn. He met Evelyn amidst the wonder of seeing and feeling wonder again, and he remembered those poems from the Circle, even more when they were together and they talked. Evelyn was the sun, and the flowers that bloomed. He saw her in everything beautiful. He wasn’t a man of lyrics or poems, not really, but he felt something the moment he and Evelyn kissed. They kissed and they became poetry together.  

Evelyn. When they were together they spun and they soared like music, but when they were apart the world was silent. Silence was the constant that particular week, the humdrum of reports and training grating, and thoughts of her not comparing at all to having her near. But that morning, Cullen could begin to hear the music again, for he knew her arrival from Val Royeux would be that afternoon.

He waited for her, teeming with excitement, hands itching to hold her, lips aching to kiss her, his daydreams too taking him too far away to properly work. He waited. Waited, and when he heard her, heard her call his name, the music came to life again.

He outstretched his arms and she was in them, the two swaying back and forth a little as he peppered kisses against her forehead. Her dark brown skin had tanned some in her travels, and though her hair, full of coils, was usually pulled back in her journeys, she wore it lose that day. Cullen always liked it when it was loose, though he had to admit he liked Evelyn all ways, no matter what.

“I missed you,” she said, grabbing his gloved hand. “Cassandra teased me the entire time. Said all I did was think of you.”

“Well, maybe I did the same thing.”

Giggling, she interwove their fingers. “Come on. You need a break, and I have something to show you.”

Heading outside, Cullen let Evelyn glide them along the battlements to their usual spot. They kissed, Evelyn’s hands grasping his mantle while Cullen held her hips close to him. Their kisses were often surprises—sometimes playful, other times they were softer and desperate. Always they were wonderful.

As Cullen’s hands drifted upward to her hair, she giggled, not even hiding her delight.

“You always go for the hair,” she mentioned between kisses.

He parted, only slightly. “I love your hair.”

Something in her wavered for a moment, and Cullen wasn’t sure why. And though she looked as though she had a thousand thoughts, a thousand other things to say, she merely looked at him. She was thinking something he couldn’t quite place.

Yet finally, with a small smile, she admitted she loved that he loved her hair.

He couldn’t do away with the notion that part of her was a little skeptical. “Evelyn,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulder, “every part of you is beautiful.”

She looked away from him suddenly, sadly. Cullen got the feeling she was remembering something she didn’t wish to remember. He didn’t wish that. Especially not when they were together.

He touched her face. He didn’t want her to be sad. He never wanted her to be sad, so he held her face in his hands, kissed her forehead. “You said you had something to show me,” he reminded her, remembering. “What was it? Or was it this?”

“I always want to show you this,” she said with a laugh and punctuating it with a kiss to the tip of his nose. “But there was something else.”

Digging from her back pocket, she pulled it out. Cullen wasn’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t a sunflower, beautiful though it was. Bright and vibrant and petals not damaged from her trip back home, it truly was a lovely bloom. Lovely, though ordinary.

“Isn’t it lovely?” she asked him, caressing the petals. “When we were in Val Royeux they were in bloom. I had never seen one before.”

He studied it after she handed it to him. He thought of Evelyn’s wonder at the new sight, how her eyes must have lit up. She loved flowers and was always searching for new blooms. Once they were in the garden, playing chess, and Cullen remembered how she stopped the game temporarily to observe a flower she had never seen before, a brillian blue bloom off in the grass. Once, Cullen would have thought it was only a weed. Evelyn made him realize how beautiful the petals could be. When he took the sunflower, he thought of much the same thing. Once they may have been ordinary, as sunflowers were all over Honnleath in the spring and summer. Yet he held the bloom Evelyn lovingly carried from Val Royeux to Skyhold and he held a nostalgia for his home.

He told her he loved sunflowers, and that they reminded him of home.

“Really?”

“My sister Rosalie used to make crowns from them,” he reminisced. “She used to fancy herself the princess.”

“And you fancied yourself the brave knight?”

He nodded, beaming with pride at all those “swordfights” he used to have with Mia. Most of the time he let her win them. That’s what he told everybody anyway.

He put the sunflower behind Evelyn’s ear. She beamed. She beamed and they kissed and they were poetry. Then at night when he was in his bed and he still spun with the taste of her on his lips, he toyed with the sunflower, the petals still vibrant, and he was struck with an idea.

***

She was caught.

She was convinced that had it been anyone else but Cullen, she would have never have shown them the sunflower. She would have been afraid of being called too simple, ridiculous even. Not with Cullen.

Cullen, Cullen…

How wonderful it was to be caught. Yet how wonderful it was however, it only made leaving him more difficult when they parted in the stables before her next mission. She wasn’t sure how memories of him would satisfy her in their long time apart. She kept his kisses, and he kept her sunflower, but it wasn’t enough. Neither were letters, though they made her giddy and blushing. In his words, words that she always read before drifting to the fade, he said he kept the sunflower by his bed, and it was the first thing he saw in the morning, and the last thing he saw before drifting off to sleep. The commander of the Inquisition wrote wonderful letters to his lover. He wrote wonderful letters to her.

Cullen’s lover. Evelyn and Cullen. She loved their names together, loved being known as his lover.

Sometimes though, she did remember the ones before him.

It wasn’t persistent, and mostly it was his kisses and soft words and hands through her hair she thought of. But those other thoughts were still sometimes there. Especially when she met others in her travels, and those others were so obvious with their surprise that she would be the Inquisitor.

Perhaps that was why she wasn’t as joyous when she at last came home, back to Cullen, and back to his arms.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. “You don’t seem yourself.”

“It’s nothing.”

He said nothing for a moment, only kissed her forehead and took her hands in his. “Cullen,” she muttered softly, wishing she could be happy. “I…”

“Where is my Evelyn?”

She peeked at him, suspiciously. “Your Evelyn?”

“You’re usually so happy,” he pointed out, cheeks reddening in that awfully adorable way she loved so much. “And I’ve missed you.”

“As I have missed you.”

“Letters only go so far,” he said, rubbing his neck. “And as well, there is something I want to show you.”

“Cullen, you are enough.”

He flushed harder, making her flush in turn. “Never the less,” he said, “there is something I would like to show you.”

He took her hand and he led her outside. Not to the battlements where they usually indulged in their time together, but down the other way, past Solas and his study. He took her to the Great Hall, and when she asked if they were going to eat lunch together, he denied it.

“That wasn’t what I had in mind,” he said, putting his hand on the door to the garden. “Unless you’re hungry now.”

“Not yet, but Cullen if we’re going outside to play chess you have to be easy on me. I know you threw the match last time, and—”

He chuckled. “That’s not what I want to show you. Not today anyway. No, it’s something else.”

“Something…?”

“Can you close your eyes for me? I’ll guide you along, I promise.”

I promise, he said. She believed him. So she closed her eyes, just like he asked, and he took her hand in his. She let him guide her and lead her along somewhere in the garden. She felt the sun in her hair and on her skin, felt Cullen squeeze her hand.

“Can I open them?”

“Not quite yet.”

“Cullen…”

She giggled as he continued to take her somewhere. She felt him take her to the grass, and before she could ask if he meant to show her the elfroot growing in the garden, he stopped her.

“Alright,” he said. “Open your eyes.”

“Cullen. You aren’t going to show me the elfroot, right?”

He chuckled. “No Evelyn, I promise. You’ll see.”

“So I can open them?”

“Yes. Open.”

She opened. She gasped.

There were no words.

No words, till he misunderstood.

“Oh,” he muttered, face falling. “You don’t…”

“No!” She came to his side.  “No. Cullen. The sunflowers…they’re…they’re beautiful!”

He eased. He beamed. “There’s more.”

He led her to turn around, spun her as if they were dancing. In her eye and all around the garden, there were sunflowers. Tall ones, shorter ones, but each and every stem in full bloom, the yellow petals bright against the green grass and in the sun. No matter where she looked in the garden, the blooms peppered the grass like stars in the sky.

She glanced back at Cullen, his cheeks still red. The blooms that lit up the garden like stars—they were all because of him.

“I had some seeds ordered from Ferelden,” he explained. “The blooms in Val Royeux were lovely, I’m sure, but I wasn’t sure if they compared to the ones in Ferelden.”

“Cullen…”

“Evelyn, was it too presumptuous? I just…I was talking to Bull about it, and I wanted to do something special, because you’re special. And the sunflowers when they’re in bloom, they remind me of your hair when it’s loose, and overall, you know, they’re beautiful like you, and… Oh Maker’s breath.” He sighed. “I know I make it clear I think you’re beautiful, but I thought you deserved something beautiful, and...oh I’m not good at this.”

But she had to beg to differ.

She took his hand. “I don’t usually blush, alright? Or…you know. That sort of thing. I’m a warrior. Dances and balls, they aren’t me, but flowers are,” she made sure to note. “But Cullen. She took his other hand. “Cullen. You make me feel lovely. Important. I know you want me here.”

She was fluttering, fluttering as he spoke. “You are worth every gesture of love,” he said. “And I want to do it all for you. Maker, I care, and—”

“You do,” she said, breathless, feeling like she was going to touch the sky. “Oh Cullen, you care, and—"

But then they kissed, and in their kiss, they said everything. Even more did she flutter. Even more lovely and beautiful did she feel.

“So,” Cullen breathed, parting slightly. “You do like them, right?”

She wrapped her arms around him, brought him closer. “I love them Cullen. So much.”

She heard the music as they kissed, once more. She was never going to stop kissing that man.

“This is real,” he said. “It’s the realest thing I’ve felt in…” he closed his eyes, pressed his forehead to hers. “Oh Evelyn. You’re poetry.”

She was. He was. They were poetry together, under the sky and sun, and surrounded by their sunflowers.

It was real.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

My Eyes - Part 12

Pairing: Bucky; Steve x Fem/Reader

Word Count: 4,126

Story Description: Steve is a good man, America’s golden boy, a hero. He’s Captain America for christ’s sake! So it’s normal to want what he has… right? Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t even deserve the second chance at life he’s been given. But Bucky can never let him know. Steve can never find out that his friend is in love with his best girl.

Story takes place post “CA: CW” and all tension has been resolved.

Previously On...

“Mom!” As soon as Y/N walked out of the community center, her son was sprinting towards her. Bucky watched form a distance, leaning against the car with his arms crossed and a grin on his lips.

Y/N was beaming as she wrapped Jimmy into her arms. “Oh, I missed you! One week is too long. Let’s never do that again.” She laughed as she kissed the top of her son’s head.

“Is Uncle Bucky staying for dinner?” He asked gently as she guided them to the car.

“I think that can be arranged.” Y/N smirked and gave Bucky a wink.

As soon as they got home, Jimmy raced out of the car to go find Porthos. He missed the dog almost as much as he missed his mom.

“He’s a speedy little punk, isn’t he?” Bucky chuckled as he watched Jimmy sprint to the front door. It seemed like the boy was always running somewhere.

Y/N sighed, not seeming to find the same entertainment as she watched her son. Bucky immediately noticed it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked as he turned off the car and gently gripped her shoulder.

His touch brought her gaze to him slowly. “What are we going to say to him?”

Bucky nodded in understanding. “It’s up to you, doll.” As much as he thought of Jimmy as his own son, the boy’s life was under Y/N’s guidance and control. He would never encroach on her parenting.

“Well… what are we doing?” Y/N blushed slightly and looked at her feet as she asked the question. She hadn’t realized until now that they really hadn’t discussed their situation in fine detail.

Bucky leaned across the car and kissed Y/N slowly. After a minute or two, he finally released himself from her. “It seems I haven’t made myself clear.” There was no playfulness in his tone as his gaze split into her soul. “I’m not planning on going anywhere. I’m here…for as long as you’ll have me.”

Y/N let out a sigh of relief. Now she felt silly for even questioning his intentions. But it all was starting to seem too good to be true. After losing her entire world when Steve died, she couldn’t help but expect the floor to drop out from underneath her any time she felt a tiny bit of happiness.

“It seems a little ridiculous for us to be calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, doesn’t it?” Y/N laughed lightly.

Bucky smiled at her point. “What about partner?”

She cringed. “Ew. Too businessy.”

He laughed. “Ugh… lover?”

She narrowed her eyes at the sassiness. “Too cheesy.”

“Your gentleman caller?”

Jimmy was coming out the front door with Porthos now. He had a frisbee in his hand, ready to play with the dog.

Y/N scoffed and friskily hit Bucky’s shoulder. Luckily it was his flesh arm. She got out of the car. “You’re useless.” She teased.

Bucky got out of the car too, tossed the cars keys in his hand and caught them gracefully. He went to her side and muttered, “I guess you’ll just have to deal with calling me your boyfriend until I can convince you to be my wife.”

Y/N abruptly stopped walking and her face exposed how completely unexpected his comment was to her. Bucky chuckled, happy that he got the exact reaction he was looking for. He kept walking towards Jimmy.

“Why is mom looking at you like that?” Jimmy asked Bucky quietly.

Bucky laughed looking back at Y/N, who was still frozen in place. “That’s how women get when they realize for a moment that they don’t know everything.”

“I’ve never seen her look like that.” Jimmy smiled.

Bucky nodded and shrugged. “Well… it doesn’t happen very often.”

---

“Can’t you stay a little bit longer?” Jimmy asked quietly. It was so sad that Bucky almost gave in.

“I have to head back to the compound. But I’ll be back sooner than you think.” He tried to assure the boy. “Plus, you start middle school tomorrow. You won’t want to hang around with little old me. You’ll be too busy making new friends.”

Jimmy’s face didn’t change from its disappointed frown. Instead he marched away without giving Bucky a hug goodbye.

Bucky sighed as he watched the boy slam the front door behind him.

“He’s just stressed about school tomorrow. Don’t take it personally.” Y/N tried to reassure him.

Bucky nodded. “Come here.” He grabbed her wrist and brought her into his strong embrace.

“I won’t lie,” Y/N breathed into his chest. “I’m with Jimmy on wanting you to stay longer.”

“I know, doll.” Bucky replied. “But I have to tie up some loose ends with the team.”

Y/N pulled away just enough to look him in the eye. “You’re really going to do this? You’ll just give up everything for us?” Bucky nodded. “It’s the easiest decision I’ve made since I escaped Hydra.”

With that, Y/N crashed her lips onto his like it was her last attempt at keeping him there.

The past week has been some carefree fantasy. All they had done was eaten, drank, laughed, and made love. They had lain on the couch, reading their separate books with their limbs overlapping each other. Bucky insisted on making her dinner every night. She taught him a few things in the garden. Mostly he just liked watching her as she planted seeds and watered her flowers. Bucky quickly learned that the best way to coax her out of bed in the morning was with morning sex and a cup of coffee. The week had been sweet, untroubled, and loving.

Now the real world was irrevocably seeping back into their lives.

And it felt too soon.

Bucky finally had to force his body away from hers. “I’ll be back soon, Y/N. I promise.” He kissed her forehead and turned toward the jet’s platform. Y/N wrapped her sweater tightly around her body as she watched the jet lift off and disappear into the sky.

She slowly made her way back into house.

“Ugh…Mom… Why were you kissing Uncle Bucky?” Jimmy asked.

She gasped in surprise, expecting him to be pouting in his bedroom from Bucky’s departure.

Y/N couldn’t help but swear under her breath. Jimmy heard it, but pretended not to.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that.” Y/N sighed. She moved to the kitchen and sat at the counter, patting the seat next to her for Jimmy. He slowly sat down.

“Bucky and I are… together.” Y/N figured the more straightforward and calm she was about the whole thing, the less traumatizing it would be for Jimmy.

“Like…together together?” Jimmy asked.

Y/N nodded. “Is that okay?”

Jimmy thought about it for a second. “Does that mean he’ll be here a lot more?”

Y/N smiled at she could read her son’s subtle growing excitement. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

Jimmy frowned slightly. “I thought Uncle Bucky was dad’s best friend…”

She suddenly felt sick at the comment. “I know it feels kind of weird, Jimmy. But sometimes we can’t help who we love.”

“So you love him?”

Y/N nodded. “I’ve always loved him. He was your dad’s only family. But I’m still learning how to love him the way he deserves.”

Jimmy nodded slowly. He was processing his mother’s words carefully.

“You can be honest. Are you okay with this, James?” Y/N gripped his chin lovingly and made him look at her.

“Of course I am, mom. It’s Bucky.”

His statement warmed Y/N’s heart. There was no other man in the world that her son loved and trusted more. Logically, there was no better match for his mom. He already looked at Bucky like an implemented father.

Then, as if they hadn’t just had one of their most serious discussions, Jimmy jumped out of his seat. “Mom, will you help me pick out my outfit for tomorrow?”

Y/N laughed and messed up his hair. “Of course, sweetheart.” Next she was slowly following her son who had already sprinted upstairs to his bedroom.

But a lump formed at her throat. Jimmy was growing up so fast…Too fast, in her opinion. Despite him being safe from the world of villains, she could never protect him from everything. She knew Jimmy was picked on at school. However she was oblivious to the physical bullying that forced Jimmy to reach out to Bucky. But Y/N hoped middle school would be slightly easier, that he’d make more friends.

---

Bucky shifted his weight awkwardly. Having the entire team staring at him was unsettling, especially when he hadn’t just shared the greatest news.

“Barnes, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you’ve paid your dues.” To everyone’s surprise, it was Clint that broke the silence. “You’ve been fighting a war that wasn’t yours since the early 1900s.”

Bucky was completely caught off guard.

“Don’t look so surprised, Bucky. We would’ve tried to convince you to step down a long time ago if we knew it would actually make you stay out of trouble.” Natasha added.

Bucky looked to Wanda and she just gave him a warm and reassuring smirk.

“You’ve given your life to your country, Sergeant Barnes. You don’t owe the world anything else.” Fury’s word was law.

“If it’s life or death… if the world needs me-“ Bucky started.

“We’ll call you.” Tony interrupted harshly. “Get the hell out of here, Barnes. You finally got the girl. Now try not to mess it up, okay?”

It was Tony’s blessing that Bucky needed to hear. He looked at the billionaire as if to ask, ‘Do you finally forgive me? Have I finally done enough good to make up for my evil?’

It was tragic and unfair for Bucky to have put so much pressure on himself like that. But his conscience couldn’t help it.

“I-I got to find a place to stay. I’ll move out as soon as I can.” Bucky muttered. He suddenly realized all the changes he had to make. He couldn’t just up and move in with Y/N. It was too much, too soon.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Barnes. You’ll always have your room here.” Tony rolled his eyes at the drama of it all. “While you’re at it, you can always take a jet to see Y/N.”

Bucky breathed in relief. This was not at all how he expected his departure to go. He thought someone would fight back at least. But he should’ve known better. Everyone in the room loved him… Even Fury and Stark. They wanted what was best for him. Clint was right: he had fought too many wars that were not his own. He had never been given a chance at a normal life. Bucky deserved to be human.

---

Bucky was moving about his room, packing a couple duffle bags with essentials. His head snapped up when he heard someone knock on the door.

Natasha came slowly strutting in with a sad smirk.

Bucky hadn’t realized until he saw her face that the people here were going to miss him being around all the time.

Nat moved to sit on the edge of his bed and he continued to pack things. “I’m happy for you, Barnes.” She muttered softly.

“As much as I hate admitting this… I think I owe you, Nat.”

She smirks at that. “Please continue.”

Bucky playfully narrowed his gaze. “Don’t push it.”

“Just promise I get to be in the wedding.” She winked.

He scoffed at that.

Their conversation was cut short by his cell phone ringing. His eyes immediately saw Y/N’s name on the screen and he panicked. She’d never called him before. The only other time had been Jimmy when he witnessed Brian hitting her.

Before it could even ring a second time, he was picking up. “Y/N? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Jimmy’s fine.” She quickly clarified. But Bucky could hear the nasally sound in her voice. She had been crying and still sort of was. “I mean… everything’s not fine. Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you by calling.” She was embarrassed now.

Nat seemed to read the situation perfectly and tiptoed out the door, leaving Bucky alone in his room.

He sat on the edge of the bed. “Shh. No, it’s fine. I just got worried. Y/N, what’s going on?” His voice was calm, trying to coax information out of her without stressing her out further.

“Porthos wouldn’t get out of bed this morning. So I took him to the vet. He has a tumor…it’s-it’s been there for a while and causing him a lot of pain. They said the most humane thing to do is put him down. It’s too late to treat.”

Bucky exhaled and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“I feel ridiculous calling you about a dog. But its just Jimmy’s not here and I’m sitting in my car, at the vet’s parking lot, crying by myself. I didn’t know who else to call…”

“Y/N,” Bucky urged. “It’s not ridiculous. I’m glad you called.” He took in a deep breath. “When are they going to do it?”

She sniffed. “Ugh… tomorrow night. I thought I could give him one last day of happiness or something. I don’t know…I’m being silly.”

“Not you’re not, doll. Listen, I’m going to fly back out there tonight, okay?”

“Really?” Y/N had stopped breathing.

“Of course.”

---

Bucky arrived later than expected. And he wasn’t too fond that Y/N just left the front door unlocked. Yes, she lived in solitude. But he still worried about her safety.

His footsteps were completely silent as he quietly closed the door behind him. His ears instantly picked up on a television playing in the living room. Flickering candles were the only other source of light in the room beside the TV.

Y/N had fallen asleep on the couch.

To Bucky’s relief, her eyes weren’t red or swollen. She was probably trying to keep it together for Jimmy’s sake.

Bucky sighed and felt a sad smile spread on his lips at the sight of her. He’d just been here yesterday, but he felt like he’d come home. He quickly blew out the candles, making a mental note to remind Y/N not to do that so much. Carefully trying not to wake her, he slid his arms under her back and knees, lifting her from the couch. Her arms automatically wrapped around his neck and she moved her head to the crook of his neck.

Despite his smooth movements, Y/N started to stir in his arms. “Bucky?” She sighed gently. Even though her body knew it couldn’t be anyone else.

“I’m here, doll.” He whispered in her ear before kissing the top of her head.

Bucky slowly slid her into the bed. He started backing away, fully intending on sleeping on the couch alone.

But Y/N grabbed his wrist and stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?” She asked huskily, now she was more awake from his arrival.

Bucky shifted his weight awkwardly. “With Jimmy…I don’t want-”

“It’s fine. Stop being so old-fashioned.” Y/N laughed lightly. Then her eyes darkened. “I don’t want to be alone.” She admitted embarrassingly.  

Bucky nodded. Secretly he didn’t want to leave her alone either. But he was just trying to be appropriate and not impose on Y/N and Jimmy’s close family dynamic.

He slid onto the other side of the bed and Y/N shifted so she was lying on her side, facing him. He brushed some hair behind her ear.

“Where’s Porthos?” Bucky asked softly. He hadn’t seen or heard the dog anywhere when he walked in.

“I let him sleep in Jimmy’s room tonight.” She sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

But she shook her head. If they started talking about it, she would lose it. And she needed to get herself together for her son. It was already hard enough on him. “Thank you for coming back, Buck.”

He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms protectively around her and resting his head on top of hers. “Of course, doll. I’m always going to be here for you.” He felt the need to constantly remind her. Because Bucky knew that a part of Y/N would never believe it. Steve had probably promised the same things and he couldn’t keep those promises. As much as Y/N wanted to believe Bucky, she wouldn’t allow herself to rely on having another person to depend on.

---

Jimmy refused to sit anywhere but on the floor with Porthos. The cold linoleum tiles of the vet’s waiting room couldn’t have been comfortable. But the boy didn’t care. Porthos seemed to know this was his end and lazily closed his eyes, as he was overcome with Jimmy’s petting. Even at death’s door, the dog was trying to comfort the boy.

Meanwhile, Bucky held Y/N’s hand. She hadn’t said much that morning, which only worried Bucky more.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N?” A vet finally called out.

Jimmy jumped, knowing what it meant.

Y/N pat her son’s shoulder. “Come on.”

The boy reluctantly stood up and guided Porthos to the vet.

As soon as Bucky lifted the dog onto the table, Jimmy’s lip started quivering. “Mom, do we have to do this?” Tears were starting to form.

“Yes, sweetheart.” She answered softly.

The vet stuck a needle in Porthos’ vein. “I just gave him a sedative so he won’t feel a thing. He’s just very relaxed now.”

Then Jimmy sprinted out the door.

Y/N looked at Bucky in desperation.

“Go, doll. I’ll stay with Porthos.” Bucky assured her quietly.

The vet, used to behaviors like this, muttered something about giving them some time and coming back to finish.

She left Bucky alone with the dog.

Bucky leaned forward, petting Porthos’ head. “I realized I owe you a big thank you.” He whispered softly. “For looking after Y/N and Jimmy all this time… especially when I was too much of chicken to do it myself.”

The dog just huffed.  

“Steve would be so proud of you, protecting his best girl. You did good, buddy.”

Porthos lazily tried to lick Bucky’s hand.

Just then Y/N came back with her hands on Jimmy’s shoulder. The boy eyes were red and his cheeks were wet with tears.

“You should say your goodbyes, James.” Y/N whispered softly and kissed the top of her son’s head.

The boy whispered into the dog’s ear and gave him countless kisses. Porthos whined, sensing the boy’s distress. Jimmy stepped away as the vet returned.

Y/N looked at Bucky with sad eyes. “Can you take Jimmy? I’m going to stay with him until…” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

Bucky’s foot lightly tapped as he sat in the waiting room with Jimmy. He couldn’t stand being stuck out here when Y/N needed him.

---

“Did you know Porthos when he was a puppy?” Jimmy pulled Bucky out of his thoughts with his mutter. Then the boy sniffed and whipped snot on the sleeve of his shirt.

Bucky looked down at him and found Steve’s eyes looking up at him, already waiting. “No, I didn’t. Your dad got Porthos for your mom before I met her.”

Jimmy’s eyes widened. “My dad got him.” His mood lightened every time he learned something new about his father.

“Your mom never told you?” Bucky asked calmly.

Jimmy just shook his head.

Bucky sensed that the memory was a good way to get Jimmy’s mind away from the grief, if only for a moment.

“Your dad always worried about your mom when he was away. So he got her Porthos as a guard dog. Trained him himself. Porthos terrified everyone that got within 5 feet of your mom. All the Avengers are still scared of him.”

Jimmy smiled at that but then his brow furrowed. “But he’s never like that with me!”  

Bucky chuckled and put his arms around the boy. “That’s because he loves you.”

Jimmy sighed. “I’m gonna miss him.”

Bucky frowned. “I know, bud. Me too.”

---

After they left the vet, Bucky went in full parent mode. Y/N didn’t speak when she returned to the waiting room. She only hugged Jimmy, who started crying as soon as he saw his mother without their dog.

Bucky made dinner while Y/N and Jimmy huddled together on the couch in the living room. Jimmy had put on a movie.

No one really talked. Eventually, Bucky glanced at the clock and told the boy it was time for him to go to bed.

When he returned downstairs from changing into sweats, he found Y/N sitting at the kitchen counter. Her eyes were glassy and her mind was not in the present.

“You okay?” Bucky asked gently. Of course she wasn’t. But her silence was starting to worry him.

Y/N just shrugged.

Bucky slowly sat at the kitchen counter across from her.

“Doll, you don’t have to be so stoic.” He offered. Jimmy was asleep. There was no one she had to pretend for anymore.

His encouragement seemed to summon all of her emotions to finally be released. Her bottom lip trembled just like Jimmy’s and her tears flooded over.

Bucky instantly got up and wrapped her in his embrace.

“I’m s-sorry.” She stuttered into his chest as her tears soaked his t-shirt. “It’s just, I keep thinking about Steve. It’s like Porthos was the last thing I had left of him… Like I lost a connection.”

“I know, doll.” Bucky sighed as he rubbed her back.

“And I’m just…upset that Jimmy had to go through this.”

“Jimmy’s a strong kid. He’ll be fine.” Bucky reassured her.

Y/N finally pulled away slightly, but kept her arms around him.

Bucky brushed the wet hair away from her tear soaked skin. “He was a good dog.” He stated softly.

Y/N smiled sadly. “He was the best dog.” She corrected.

Bucky dipped his head. “Do you wanna watch another movie?”

She shook her head. “Can we just go to bed?”

He nodded and kissed her head.

---

Bucky woke first at the calling.

A needle dropping could wake the super soldier after the training and Hydra brainwashing he went through.

But he was surprised that Y/N quickly followed.

“Mom?” There it was again.

A minute later, Jimmy was stumbling into their bedroom. Y/N quickly sat up and her heart started racing when she saw that her son’s skin was pale and sweaty.

Bucky reached over and turned on the lamp.

Jimmy finding them in bed together would’ve been awkward if they both weren’t so scared.

“Mom, I don’t feel well.” Jimmy groaned as he was keeled over faintly.

Y/N jumped out of bed and knelt beside him. Her hand pressed to his forehead. Jimmy’s skin was on fire.

“Tell me what hurts, James.” Y/N urged.

“My whole body. And my head… I have a really bad migraine, mom. Bucky, can you turn the light off? It hurts.” Jimmy whined as he shielded his eyes.

Bucky snapped it off almost immediately.

“Jimmy, I want you to go lay down in bed for a second, okay? I’ll be there in just a second.” Y/N ordered soothingly.

The boy nodded and slowly made his way back to his bedroom.

Y/N quickly walked to Bucky. “It’s happening…the enhancement.”

Bucky swore under his breath.

“It can be triggered by stress.” Y/N quickly explained. It made sense. But her eyes still held too much worry. “Buck, my fever wasn’t that bad. Jimmy seems to be way worse. I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was just on the edge of panic.

Bucky grasped her face, instantly calming her. “We can take him to Banner and the other doctors at the compound. They’ll know what to do.”

“I-I can’t take him there…” Y/N muttered hastily.

Jimmy had never been to the Avengers’ compound. Even though he knew all of them from their visits. Y/N had made it clear from the beginning that Jimmy was never to be brought to their world. They were only allowed to visit at her home.

“Y/N, the place is filled with people that have been through the same thing. It’s the only thing we can do. I’m not going to let anything happen to him, okay?”

She was lost in thought. After a few moments, she finally nodded in her head in agreement. “I’m coming with.”

“’Course.” Bucky bowed his head.

Y/N left the room and he could hear her telling Jimmy that they needed to pack a bag for him. She gave him few details, but her son seemed to listen to her stress filled demands.

Bucky grabbed his phone and called the compound, giving them a heads up.

His stomach suddenly twisted when he realized all of this would end with Jimmy being enhanced in some way. He prayed that it didn’t ruin the boy’s life.

--- 

Part 13

As always, like/reblog/leave comments/leave a fucking book review lol

[darisu-chan]

I’ll Spend the Rest of My Life

Prompt: Wedding Vows

Summary: On their wedding day, Ichigo and Rukia make a promise to each other.

You can also read it here.

Rukia stared at herself on the mirror. Her kimono was made out of the purest and most expensive silk Byakuya could find. It was beautiful and felt soft to the touch. It was pure white, and had flowers and butterflies embroidered on it. Ishida had done a superb job in confectioning it for her. With Inoue’s help, he had also made a veil for her which matched the kimono. It was perfect and was an honest display of the friendship she held with both humans. Her long hair was put in an elegant up-do, and a single gold butterfly clip adorned it. She smiled at her own reflection. She looked and, most importantly, felt like a bride.

“You look gorgeous, Rukia-nee!” Next to her, Yuzu gushed at her. Yuzu was now taller than her, having just turned twenty-one.

“Ichi-nii is gonna have a heart attack when he sees you.” Yuzu’s twin, Karin, said to her sister-in-law.

Rukia smiled at both of them. “You really think so?”

“He’s not gonna be able to keep his hands off of you.” Matsumoto Rangiku, who had just entered Rukia’s room at the Kuchiki manor, said and then winked.

“Rangiku-san!” Rukia exclaimed, turning bright red.

“How cute! You’re a blushing bride!” The woman jested again. “But in all seriousness, you do look very beautiful.”

Rukia smiled at her sincerely. “Thank you.”

“Well, I should get going. Nanao is saving me a seat. See you in a bit, Rukia. And good luck!” The lieutenant said, waving goodbye.

Rukia chuckled, shaking her head. Rangiku was still as crazy as ever. She examined her reflection once again. She still had not put the veil on, for fear of ruining her up-do. She took it and tried to see how to put it.

“Let me.” A voice said behind her. Turning around, the bride came face to face with Inoue Orihime.

“Thank you, Inoue.”

The young woman smiled. “It’s alright. These things are complicated to put on.” Inoue took the veil, and softly ran her fingers through the fabric. Ishida had outdone himself with it. She smiled lovingly at that. Taking it, she gently put it on top of Rukia’s head, and adjusted it. “There. All done.” Inoue said proudly.

“It really compliments the kimono.” Yuzu mentioned, as she gazed at Rukia.

“Yes. Uryuu-kun designed both of them so they could match. I helped him with the veil, but he did the rest. It’s certainly much better than the last one.” After saying that, the other three women froze. Regret washed over Orihime. “I’m sorry, Kuchiki-san. I shouldn’t have mentioned it!”

Rukia shook her head. “Don’t worry, Inoue. It’s all in the past. But thank you for helping me with this, really.”

Orihime smiled, still embarrassed. “It was no trouble at all! I have to go back, though. We���ll see each other at the reception.” With that, the human girl exited the room.

Rukia sighed. Memories of six years ago filled her. That hadn’t been a joyous moment for her. Much like today, she had been wearing a wedding kimono, and a veil, looking at herself on the mirror. She hadn’t liked what she saw then. She hadn’t felt like a bride. All because she was marrying the wrong man. It was good that she had changed her mind before the wedding could even take place. She had left with her current fiancé instead. And, although she regretted the mistakes she had made, they had made her get to where she was now, about to marry her best friend, partner, and the love of her life. She felt whole, warm, and contented. More than she had felt in her life. Ichigo had that effect on her.

“Don’t worry, Rukia-nee, it’s all in the past.” Karin comforted her, patting her softly on the back.

“The important thing is that you’re marrying onii-chan now!” Yuzu said happily.

“Yeah, I guess.” She smiled at them. She really did love her sisters-in-law as if they were her own sisters.

“Speaking of which, it’s almost time.” Karin muttered. “I wonder if they’re ready.”

Before the other two women could respond, the door was opened hastily by Kurosaki Isshin, who was wearing a kimono himself, with the crests of the Shiba Clan. “Where’s my beautiful third daughter?!” He yelled as he opened the door, then stopped dead on his tracks as he admired his son’s bride. She looked stunning. “You look so beautiful, Rukia-chan.” He said, and then held her hands. “I’m so happy you’re gonna join our family!” He hugged her tightly.

“Well, Ichi-nii won’t be happy if you asphyxiate his bride before they can even get married!” Karin said, pulling her embarrassing father away from Rukia.

“Karin, don’t be so mean to your daddy! I just wanted to hug Rukia-chan!” He whined. “It’s not every day that your brother will get married to the most beautiful Shinigami in Soul Society!” He said, making Rukia chuckled.

“Thank you for your kind words, Isshin-san.”

“Please, call me daddy from now on!” Isshin grinned.

“Absolutely not.” A deep voice said behind him. Isshin turned to look right at Kuchiki Byakuya, who was glaring at him. He gulped. “Well, would you look at the time? We’ll see you soon, Rukia-chan!” Isshin said, and then he and his daughters left the room, not before giving Rukia encouraging smiles.

“Nii-sama.” Rukia greeted her brother, who smiled in return.

“Rukia.” He said, observing her. “You look very beautiful.” He told her. He was not lying. She looked radiant and glorious, the living image of true love.

“Thank you, nii-sama.” Rukia smiled at him.

“Are you ready?” He asked her next. The bride knew the true meaning behind his question.

“Yes.” Unlike last time, she didn’t falter. She answered honestly.

Byakuya nodded, pleased. “Good.” Then, he sat on the floor, patting the spot beside him. “But first, let’s talk.”

Rukia sat next to him, taking care that her kimono wouldn’t stain or wrinkle. Once she was seated by his side, Byakuya spoke again.

“Last time, I gave you the advice to marry the right person.” Byakuya said, remembering that event from six years ago. “Now that I’m sure you’re marrying the right man, I will give you another marriage advice.” Rukia nodded, eager to hear that advice. “Marriage is not about being happy every day. There are going to be struggles you must overcome. There are going to be sad and hard times. You two must remain strong, and trust in each other. You need to share every aspect of your life with your husband, Rukia. Above all, you must care for each other, and decide to love each other every day of your lives together. You must cherish each other.” He said.

Rukia blinked back tears. She understood why her brother had told her all of these things. She thought about her sister, whom she hadn’t been able to meet. Byakuya had indeed cherish her. She knew that she was going to cherish Ichigo for as long as she lived. Even beyond that.

“Thank you very much, nii-sama. I’ll follow your advice.” She said.

“You’re going to be very happy, Rukia. I know that because you’ve been so for the past six years.” Byakuya said and smiled a little. “Kurosaki Ichigo is a great man. I wouldn’t lose you to a lesser person.”

Rukia smiled. “He is. And I do love him.”

Byakuya nodded, feeling at ease that his sister’s happiness was secured. “Well, it’s time. We must get going, Rukia.” He said, and then helped her on her feet.

Rukia looked at her reflection one last time, and smiled encouragingly at herself. She had never felt this much joy. Then, she wondered how Ichigo was doing. She hoped he wasn’t that nervous.

Ichigo wasn’t nervous. He was giddy. In half an hour, he would get married to Rukia, the only girl he had ever loved. He adjusted his hakama, trying to look presentable.

“Stop moving so much, Kurosaki!” Next to him, Ishida reprimanded him. “I didn’t spend all this time making your wedding garments for you to ruin them before the wedding!” He exclaimed, prying Ichigo’s hands away from the fabric. “Well, with my clothes, you look presentable enough.” He nodded to himself.

“Jeez, Ishida, thank you.” Ichigo replied sarcastically.

“You do look well, Ichigo.” Chad said, giving his friend a thumbs up.

Ichigo smiled. Both of his friends were wearing kimonos Ishida had specifically designed for this event. In fact, Ishida had gone out with the clothes. The moment he had received the invitation to the wedding from Rukia and Ichigo, he had insisted he wanted to design their clothes as a wedding present. Then, he became excited and designed clothes for everyone, Ichigo’s family, Chad, Inoue, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, and himself. Ichigo couldn’t complain, though. He had to admit Ishida had style, and the clothes looked magnificent. He couldn’t wait to see how Rukia looked like.

“It’s almost.” Chad suddenly said, looking at his watch.

Ichigo nodded. This was it. The moment he had been waiting for a long time. Then, someone knocked at the door. Ichigo raised an eyebrow. He doubted it was his father again. He had just left to check on his ‘precious third daughter.’ “Come in.” Ichigo said.

Just then, the person he had least expected came in. It was Abarai Renji, the man who had once been his rival, and then had become his friend. After the failed wedding, they hadn’t talked much, though.

“Renji.” He whispered.

“Ichigo.” Renji acknowledged. “Can we talk?”

The groom nodded. Ishida and Chad took that as their cue to leave, and went out, most likely to take their places on the shrine to watch the ceremony. Once the door was closed, Ichigo turned to look at his former rival. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

Renji sighed. “Look, I don’t want to make things awkward, knowing what happened some years ago.” He alluded to Rukia calling off the wedding. “But, I wanted to give you my blessing ─not that you need it, of course. But I thought it’d be nice to give it anyway.”

The man blinked. “So, you’re not mad?”

Renji scoffed. “Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo, I’m not the kind of man who holds grudges forever. I got over Rukia a long time ago. Was I hurt for a long while? Yes. Did I want to kick your ass? You bet. But, in the end, I wanted what was best for Rukia, and that is being with you. I don’t hold anything against you. It’s not your fault that we fell in love with the same girl, or that she chose you instead of me. If she had chosen me, then you’d be the one in my position, and I wouldn’t want you to be remain unhappy. It’s been six years, Ichigo. I’m honestly happy you’re getting married. I wish you the best. And I don’t want things to be awkward anymore. I’m still your friend, no matter what.” At the end of his speech, Renji smiled and shook Ichigo’s hand.

“Thank you. I really appreciate.”

“No problem, man. And now you’re the one who has to deal with Captain Kuchiki. Have fun with him being your brother-in-law.” Renji joked.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “He’s your captain, you know?”

“Then we’re both screwed.”

They both laughed at that.

“Well, I’ll be going. I want to get a nice seat for the event of the millennia.” With that, he left Ichigo to his own thoughts.

He was honestly glad Renji was doing better. Ever since the failed wedding, interactions with Renji had been uncomfortable. It didn’t help gossip had arouse after such even took place. Many souls said that Ichigo had stolen Rukia away from Renji, taking her to the human world, which wasn’t true, but the rumors were still hurtful to the three of them. Ichigo figured it was worse for Renji. Rukia spent around a month in the human world with him before she had to go back. He didn’t know how it was for both of them there, as Ichigo visited her once or twice a month in the Soul Society. Then, a few months later, Ichigo moved to Soul Society, and the three had been forced to interact. It had gotten better over the years, but Ichigo wanted to know how Renji was doing. No matter what, they were still friends. He was glad to know Renji felt better.

“Ichigo, it’s time.” His father told him, interrupting his musings.

The groom smiled and followed his father.

Rukia looked amazed at the place. Byakuya had spent a lot of money on the wedding. They were to be married at the shrine on the Kuchiki estate, which had been thoroughly cleaned and decorated with the most beautiful flowers she had ever seen. She wondered how the banquet and the hall would look like. They would be amazing, she just knew it. But not as amazing as the sight of her groom standing in front of the shrine, waiting for her. He looked absolutely handsome with his black kimono and hakama. She could have kissed him right then and there, but applied a bit of self-control.

“Yo.” He greeted her with a warm smile on his face.

“Hey.” She said, smiling at him.

“You look gorgeous.” He whispered into her ear, making her shiver.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Rukia told him, winking.

Byakuya cleared his throat, interrupting their flirting. “We should head in.” He told them. The bride and groom nodded, and, hand in hand, walked into the shrine. Their guests all followed them. Rukia could see Ichigo’s family, Ishida, Chad, Inoue and the rest of their friends from Karakura there. Urahara-san was wearing an elegant kimono for once, instead of his usual green robes. Yoruichi-san accompanied him, wearing a bright yellow kimono. Soi Fong sat next to them, while Omaeda followed. Rangiku had managed to get a nice place next to Nanao and the Captain Commander. Next to her, Hisagi, Kira, Hinamori and Captain Hitsugaya sat down. Behind them, Rukia was surprised to see Renji, who waved and smiled at her. Captain Shinji was joined by the other Vizards. Hiyori tried to hit him for trying to flirt with Inoue. Kiyone and Sentarou had managed to get good seats, and they beamed at the couple. The rest of the captains and lieutenants formed part of the guests. Half of the eleventh squad sat on the last rows, with Kenpachi between them. Grimmjow and Nelliel, the ambassadors of Hueco Mundo, were present as well. Rukia felt joy at seeing so many people there, wishing them a happy marriage. She felt a pang on her chest at knowing there were four people who couldn’t be present but should have been. It soon passed when she remembered that, no matter where they were, they would have been happy for them.

Ichigo and Rukia stood in front of the priest, who then began to purify the bride, groom, and the guests. Traditional weddings were long, and Rukia mentally prepared herself for it. She was a bit nervous, but Ichigo’s hand in hers gave her the strength she needed. The priest began reading a scroll, announcing the marriage and seeking blessings for the couple. The ceremony continued, until it was time for the Exchange of Nuptial Cups ceremony. They took their cups gently, and sipped them, careful of not dropping the sake to the floor. Then, it was time for the wedding vows, the part everyone had been waiting for. Rukia smiled at Ichigo, who smiled back. They hadn’t told anyone yet, but they decided to break tradition and write their own vows.

Ichigo took out a scroll from his robes, and started reading it. “Kuchiki Rukia, I swear that I will love you, respect you, honor you, protect you, and be there for you forever. No matter what life throws our way, or the obstacles we have to overcome, I’ll never desert you. I’ll spend the rest of my life cherishing you. And, even if destiny itself tries to pull us apart, I’ll find a way back to you. We’ll always be together.”

Rukia blinked back tears at Ichigo’s words. They might not have been poetic, but they were sincere, and that was more than enough. She gulped. It was her turn now. She suddenly remembered her brother’s words from six years ago. Be serious about the vows you’re going to take. She had never been more serious about anything in her life. “Kurosaki Ichigo, I swear that I will love you even when you’re being a blockhead.” At this, everyone laughed, and Ichigo chuckled. She continued. “I will always be there for you no matter what. I’ll support you in all of your endeavors. I know you wish to protect me, but understand I will protect you too. I will cherish you forever. I promise I will never let anything come in our way.”

Ichigo beamed at her, and all of their guests cheered. Her now husband took a step forward, and grabbed her waist, leaning down to join their lips together. They kissed passionately, while all of the guests cooed and clapped. They pulled away, smiling at each other, their fingers entwined. The guests toasted to their happiness in marriage with rice wine. Soon, they were all personally congratulated them, and wishing them the best. The newlyweds thought that they had already what they wanted, for they were finally together, and would continue to remain like this forever, no matter what. After all, that is what they had promised.

[felicezhukov]

:: Dear Nicolas Jaar::

This is another edited entry of a previous post, I wrote it drunkenly, in despair, on Sunday night / Monday morning...

 I haven’t written for a long time, my life has been a series of misadventures, mishaps, missteps and misjudgements. It’s also been an awful lot of fun, now I’m lying in bed taking 2 rest days to recoup, fast and detox and attempt to get back to level ground again. Last night I was laid out on the sofa necking cider and cramming chocolate hob nobs into my mouth whilst Sunny in Philadelphia crackled on the monitor and my ex tapped his feet in his computer chair. It was the final scene in a spiral of consumption and intoxication: on fire with emotion and insatiability, bouncing from place to place in the darkness, with knobbly gnarled knees, a scratched face and a progression of shorts and dresses as the backdrop was engulfed by thick hot sunshine, beating down over this metropolis I call home.

Field Day is this week, you’ll be here soon, they’ve been prepping for over a month, as you enter the mile end part of Victoria Park you are greeted by gates and fences for as far as the eye can see. At first it was just the large cocoon like structure they were erecting by the road, which is where I assume you’ll be playing, but now its expansive, the 3 metre tall green fence encompasses the entire length of park that I walk on my way to work. There’s a large screen at the entrance, at first it confused me on Saturday because it was displaying information about Field Day, advising not to buy tickets from touts and that Saturday was sold out, they must have been testing it.

You must travel from sphere to sphere landing in these shrines to music, where so much love and dedication is put into you being there, these structures that take weeks to erect, which only shelter you for a short time, I hope you appreciate that. There has been so much advertising for Field Day, posters seem to grace every part of London that I travel through, by my studio in Clerkenwell, in Hackney Wick as I walk to work, on the walls of the places in East London I’ve been revelling in. When I walk past the posters specifically of you, I touch your face, not because I’m in love with you Nicolas Jaar, you are now a manifestation of freedom to me.

So then, Tuesday, my open studio’s, all around the studio an energy building from the temporary structures being erected in the adjacent car parks, sheds plonked lovingly in the front and a multimedia installation by shazed dawood, arching against the side of the building. It felt exciting, many of my neighbours in the studio expressed surprise at how there seemed to be an anticipation building, a lot of money had gone into Clerkenwell design week, the audience was tidy, well presented in light flowing fabrics and glossy shimmering eye makeup.

I’d been in the studio solidly for 3 days preparing the installation that is my life, gently folding christmas decorations over heaters and sprinkling flowers under chairs, pegging my clothes up overhead. By the evening it was time to let people inside, there had been promise of a set of art based philanthropists coming to the studio, but it never surfaced and although to me this was a matter of easy come easy go I think to others it might have engendered the evening with disappointment. As I surveyed my studio at 6pm I was satisfied with what lay before me, an odd sort of forest populated by these objects that have travelled with me from place to place for so many years, it was poignant and melancholic, a sight we rarely get to see, our lives in all their finery, as decoration, suddenly making the usefulness of everything you’ve ever possessed somehow obsolete.

People came, many friends I’d contacted last minute walked into my museum, took their shoes off and sat with me on the dirty duvet covers and sofa bed which has never served the purpose it was supposed to have had. What became clear and now is startlingly apparent is that I am selling remnants to friends, no collectors or third parties have expressed any interest in buying anything thus far, it’s people that have touched my life somehow who are walking through my doors, to pick up a little memento of our time together. This is heart warming and has given me a new perspective on how my art travels, what it means and to who. I sold more than I was expecting, particularly to one woman who recently sent me a message that spoke to my soul, about what my art meant to her, about how even after fucking 2 cucumbers you still have to do your washing and tidy up. We haven’t spent a lot of time together but she means alot to me.

And I think that’s a large part of what’s happening here, for the first time in months I have the space to reach out to all the people in my life that mean something to me, invite them to come see what I have accumulated and lived with, to purchase any of it if they desire but mostly to use this piece as a backdrop to re establish relationships.

Outside of this Tuesday was a naughty, silly sort of evening, a collection of me and my neighbours convened and regressed to a childlike state. Stealing a box of prosecco and gulping it down on a bench nearby, laughing and behaving with reckless abandon. I paid for the theft the following day, as karmically no bad deed goes unpunished, at least for me anyway, but I also finally got to know the creatives that reside by me a little better and start to build the foundations for friendships that will blossom as time passes.

I wonder if the bank holiday has been a factor in the ensuing debauchery that’s taken place and the hijinks I’ve been running through. It’s not an alien topic in these letters, I’ve addressed it previously, something about bank holiday weekends just always seems fertile and strange.

On Thursday, I sold a picture of my ex husband to a complete stranger, it was one of those images that's burned into my psyche, I remember the weekend I took it as if it’s just passed. He’s lying on a pulled out sofa bed, the covers still lapping over his legs, with the laptop I’m now typing on, perched on him and an ashtray precariously placed on top of it, in his hand is a cigarette, thick plumes of smoke ebbing out of it are illuminated by the light in the background coming from a partially opened window. His face is one I recognise as I’ve seen it so often, he’s rubbing sleep from his eyes and I just know he’s at that brittle stage where he needs to be left alone or he’ll be rude.

It was at my sister and ehr ex husbands house, we went down to see them and walked about the park, drank lots of lager and wine and sat in their studio apartment talking and jesting till the early hours, then he and I went on to Alton Towers and were both to delicate to enjoy any of the rides. So instead we spent the majority of the time huddled together in the rainy gardens in matching cagoules, we won a cuddly toy each, grey and goo, matching seals and stayed in a lovely b&b in the surrounding area, which is leafy and has a fairytale like quality.

I sold the photo for £3.

Spurred on by the emotional discharge of such a transaction I went to meet a friend and go out to Alibi, a fairly notorious club in Dalston, well known for being a bit of a dive bar and for accommodating the surrounding area’s punters once kick out time has occurred. Without fail Alibi has provided me with some unique and bizarre nights and it didn’t disappoint again, we rolled through a series of interested suitors, talking to a kind man who took the time to read the last entry I wrote you, indulging in whatever was on offer and enjoying the attention we received.

Once outside at the end of the night I found myself in the midst of a group of Frenchmen, who I hadn’t seen in the club, always the driving force for travelling onwards to an after party I encouraged them in their pursuit of the next venue and waved goodbye to my friend who disappeared into the night with the kind man. We ended up in the kitchen of a neat anthropologists house, divided into groups, I sat with a visiting financier and heckled his friends for not speaking to the host, I get bossy when I’m drunk. But they wanted to go to bed so then we ended up in Haggerston Park in crisp morning light, on the cycle tracks which I walk past daily. For a while I just ran around the track but gravity intercepted and I fell a few times, they came over to pick me up and, in a feral state I then veered into the bushes alone, allowing the inner beast to take over and guide me, for some reason this is not the first time this has happened in the same park, after a night at Alibi, I guess these whims are somehow guided and we end up repeating ourselves in the most unusual of ways.

Eventually I launched out of a bush, covered in blood from scratches and scrapes, at a lady who was taking her dog for a morning stroll. She was kind and atypical of the area we were in, having lived out her own odd creative life before becoming more settled, we spent a while together, concern rife in her face rather than horror, and then I charged my phone in a plumbing supplies shop and managed to get in touch with the frenchman I’d been with earlier, who had my bag.

He was an unusual and strangely innocent kind of man, in the throes of finding a house to move to as his 3 year relationship had ended due to his careless lifestyle. In his eyes was a gentle acceptance, a total lack of judgement or ego. We went back to the beautiful top floor flat he was staying in and spent several hours enraptured by each other, slept for a bit and had food in a local pub which was a favourite haunt of mine and my exes before we broke up. He looked at me like he was in love with me and I felt enveloped in this and safe, broken from kissing and behaving like a savage in the park it was healing to have this moment with him. Then he went on to a bar and I met my friends and hung out on her stoop listening to music and laughing for a few hours before getting back to my exes and dragging myself to bed.

I was broken on Saturday.

On Sunday I’d kept seeing some characters that exist on the perimeters of my job, I’d never seen them outside of work before, or inside of work for a while either, so seeing them twice in one day from a distance was unusual and leant an odd tint to the day. I was so broken, my face healing from kissing friction burns, my knees covered in deep scrapes, my eyes puffy and delicate, that I’d never of approached them, so instead just waved and wondered what they were upto. My friend came to visit at the end of the shift, to check out the bar I work in, which is going to be the location of a few arts based nights I want to hold and curate. We decided to go out again, the energy of the weekend still pulsing through us.

More random events and switching of locations ensued, meeting people on the canal, going to a warehouse party for a little while, wandering the streets with a horny mancunian boy and taking him to the boat under the bridge to drink my cider, wading through a downpour, powerful heavy rain which cut through the night and somehow perfectly enshrined the hot beauty of the day.

Then taking a taxi to meet my frenchman in Shoreditch at a house party in an expensive place across the road from the church. This frenchman clearly wandered in circles which were wealthier than mine I thought as we sat at another window looking out over the city whilst he despairingly mapped out the details of his finances, he earned 4x the amount I did a month, and why he had no money. Because he kept spending it on trips, parties and the excesses that go alongside such things. He said he wanted to give up but part of me was saddened by that thought, in all truth if he wants to spend his life from party to party dancing and singing songs I don’t know if I’d consider that a waste, he seemed otherwise content with his choices as far as I could tell. Anyway I got back to my exes around 5am on Monday morning, he shouted at me, I wrote you the original draft of this entry, ate crisps, I’ve eaten a lot of crisps this week, and passed out.

Then I crawled out of bed again, somehow managed to put makeup on and get out of the house and to work, fuelling myself on coca cola and alka seltzer. Last night is another story I won’t write about now.

I’m lying here now, fully accepting of the fact that I won’t be getting dressed or leaving the house, content with this and now I’ve written down the vast portion of what’s happened able to see the patterns and just why this week has not been a write off. I’ve been panicking, worried that I won’t sell all of my things, perhaps also spurred on by the fact that I haven’t produced anything this week, which is rare, essentially unheard of, for me. But being an artist is not just centred in the act of making, I remember watching a talk with your father that illustrated this point.

You have to live, observe, digest and distill what’s going on around you. I guess I’m getting better at these days of reflection but have not had a solid moment of living in quite some time, I’ve met so many people in the last few days, have messages and new contacts etched all over my phone and got to spend time with someone totally out of my normal realm who gave me a kind of unconscious care that healed and centred me, despite it being brief.

I’m happy Nicolas, I hope you are to.