#exo m fan fic

[haechurch]

forgetting me, forgetting you

It's not the way that jeno doesn't look at you the same. It's not the way of him chasing after a girl and leaving you behind in the evening downpour. It's not the way jeno said he didn't even love you that night. It's just nothing but your broken heart.

pairing: idol!jeno x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff (kinda), angstt

wc: 4.8+k

warnings: minors dni, unprotected sex, oral (m, f receive), spitting, kind of meanie jeno, implied exhibitionist, degrading, praising, spanking, teasing, fingering, tons of pet name, hard and soft sex, etc etc, you know when i said idol and fan relationship its just so unreal as well as how their jobs work lmao ((i had a problem to make this at least a lil bit realistic) also not seem too delusional but- just pls dont @ me, i mean its a fic)

! how embarrassing that this shit got posted accidentally (i hate tmblr) my pupils were literally shaking lol. for those who might accidentally saw this (i know theres not even a soul who cares abt it..) ofc i had this to be revised also its inspired by rv song, in my dreams, (originally the title for this one but i changed it!) i might also have songs recommendation, its [coldplay-yellow > conan gray-astronomy > yoari-dice game > exo-hurt > davichi-forgetting you > red velvet-in my dreams]

Everything was pandemonium from the start. You saw jeno in person for the first time in the concert venue. Yes. He is the singer. That singer. A born-talented, handsome, lovable idol from nct. He didn't even know you were there, in the crowd of audience hyping his band up. Never in your dreams you thought you'd met him in person, but fate brings you two together. It was what you believed until then. Fate brings your jeno who has never been yours in the first place to kindly remind you that he will never be yours even at the end of the time.

You worked hard for your pay. You work as an employee (that mostly work for dreamies) under jeno's company after you earned your post graduate title while studying in korea. That point when you made it out, you never even thought that this was a real chance to finally get him.

That's just insane, to get lee jeno, in a somehow, romantic way. But you tried anyway. Ordinary person with an extraordinary person? Or can you just say idols and fans relationship? That jeno from all the people living on this earth? Mostly impossible. Those who live around you will think you're crazy for wanting someone who literally exists in a different world from you. Even though you're 'coexisting' with him and seeing him from time to time, that would not be enough; so near yet so far.

It's so hard to work under the company and let it flow at first. Without a will, you'll never get what you want. Even though this one is nearly impossible, you attempt to keep the mindset that revolves around you: it will work if you try, try, try and try.

But it's useless. Who do you think you are? You can't even be allowed to speak nor get close to him except if it's necessary. It's hard to work with him like a normal acquaintance. To them, to jeno, you're simply invisible. 

However, you did make it clear enough. No surrendering. That's the least you can keep in mind. 

But again, he didn't even spare you a glimpse.

Then there was this day when you two were put together in the same dressing room, waiting for some interviews coming up. There's actually no reason for you to not share the same room because technically, you're their regular staff. The rest of the members and other staff were nowhere to be found, it was you and him. You and jeno all alone in the same room. You nearly choked yourself when you were about to open your mouth as jeno scooted to where you sat. 

"Hi." He lightly started the conversation. You swear to god you can hear your own heartbeat. Keeping yourself calm and professional, you hum and put the sweetest smile to him. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry if i sound rude, but i believe we're around the same age? I've been seen you around and i just knew you're a regular staff in here," you intensely stared at him, eyes widened in disbelief that he just casually- 

"We can be friends if you wan-" 

"We can?!"

-asked you to be his friend.

Realizing you just replied to him in 0,023 seconds, you covered your mouth and muttered 'sorry' to him. He just laughed. Oh. That laugh.

That's when you feel like you two were 'getting closer' as he asked you to be his friend for some idiotic reason (u really have no idea why the universe would gave you this kind of, miracle, you'd say, but you're fucking grateful).

Of course you can be friends with everyone. Also a staff (fan) and an artist couldn't be an exception, right? But once again who are you kidding, lee jeno is super busy, and you should know it could probably the friendship that only lasts for four hours.

You didn't meet jeno for weeks and you missed him so bad. Sometimes you got to talk to him after he befriend you (tho it happens only if you had that rare chance) but both of you didn't get a long time to properly talk and have a good conversation. And it's been a long time, you just missed him.

Did he perhaps miss you too? Did he ever think about you even just for a split second? You shake your head from the thoughts and scoff at yourself. He probably already erased you from his memory. And that night, you drifted into a deep slumber whilst thinking about how he wouldn't remember you.

―

But you were dead wrong. That day was very hot because apparently, it's in the middle of summer, and you were called for a job in a broadcasting house which happened to be the same place for the band to attend their schedule.

You're standing in front of a vending machine, getting a drink when you hear someone call your name. You turned around and found jeno, looking at you with his smiling eyes.

"Jeno!? What are you doing here?" You can't hide your pearly whites when you see him, so please meet him again after a while.

"We're having some jobs here. How about you?" He asked. 

"Um, me too! But mine's still running, i take a little coffee break right before come back to the site. Have you finished yours?"

"Yes, actually," jeno scratched his nape awkwardly before he continued. "Uhh, do you perhaps want to meet me after you are done? Just for a sec?" He asked.

"Sure! I'll text you when i'm done?" 

Yes, you both are having each other's numbers but can't even communicate a single thing through it. He didn't text you. And you, being the one who shamelessly asked for his numbers which he gladly gave it, never once texts him because as you can see, you're being professional enough to keep your words that it's only for the matter of work.

"Cool." You both smiled to each other and stood awkwardly for a good seconds until jeno left. 

So, did he just wait for you until you're done because he said he just finished his schedule? Is that even possible for him to do that?

The answer is yes. Though with a little bit of delay. He asked you to meet him after you're done, just to have you wait for him in the nearby cafe for nearly 20 minutes.

Jeno: uhh hi its jeno

Jeno: im so sorry for keeping you waiting

You: oh hii

You: nah its okayy not a biggie

Jeno: its the manager hyung, i told him i have to go somewhere but you know its hard to cooperate with them :/

Jeno: look i promise it will just need to b arranged real fast okay

You: okaaay i know youre busy you can really take your time tho

Jeno: so sorry ;(((

You: jeno its fine :*

You: :(

Jeno: thanjk you for the understanding ;)

Jeno: ill be there in.. 5 mins?

You: ill be here waiting!

You were smiling like crazy reading his texts. All you did was blushing and heart skipping while replying to him. He was so cute. And it's the first time you guys exchange texts. And he did it first! (how its a big deal for you)

Then there he is. Entering the cafe with a little skip and making a bee line to your table then sit down in front of you. 

"Right on time." He said jokingly. You just chuckled at him.

"Sooo what's up? What is it that you wanted to talk about in your very packed schedule, busy bee?"

He exhaled harshly before replying. "Nothing. Just wanna get out and have some fresh air."

He averted his gaze to yours before continue, "with my new friend." 

You raised one of your eyebrows at the boy. "Yeah? I thought you already forgot me because i was just simply a girl that worked at your company," you talk as you fold your hands.

"Why would i? I'll remember you anyway. You once fell in front of me when you were about to open some door and that actually was funny as hell. Shouldn't laugh but i can't help it. Oops. Should have not told you this part too..."

Your face heated in a second, and yes, you did that and it was humiliating and you felt very stupid. That time you were about to enter the conference room at the company building, but jeno (also the other members were there) was opening the door at the same time, unfortunately you stumbled on your feet and ended up kneeling at his.

He take a glance at you again then continue. "And you're pretty pretty."

You immediately looked up to him. You can't explain how his sudden confession affect you so much and leave your heart throbbing like crazy. 

Fortunately you can keep your act.

You chuckled and replied, "and what's that supposed to mean."

"I'm just saying that you're beautiful." 

He surely knows how to mess with your heart.

"And i'm getting worried that your eyes might have a problem," you laughed, more to laughing at yourself.

"No. I meant it."

You looked at him again, flustered, and he smiled when he saw you taken aback. A mischievous smile to be exact.

"Are you flirting with me?" Of course you were kidding. Asking that kind of question sounds nonchalant, even have no shame. But you had nothing to lose anyway.

"Would you accept it?" 

You blinked rapidly, your heart beating so fast in your chest, your palms were sweaty. He got you questioning yourself on how you can not fall for him even more? It's getting even deeper every minute you spend your time with him. He's dangerous. 

You were stunned for a moment. You felt like your cheeks burned, they're emitting flame. Your head short circuited for a while yet all you can think about is jeno. Jeno jeno jeno and jeno. The moment you can't hold it back from spilling, you just let it burst.

"I like you." 

Oh, you don't even care anymore about your image. The moment you spit that you felt like the most stupid, dense person alive on earth.

"I know." 

He responded in a heartbeat, and you felt fire burn a hole into you.

"You what?"

"I said i know. I noticed. And i do to."

"I'm so lost." You started to believe that you're out of your mind.

"I'm saying that i like you too."

Your pupils doesn't even falter when you stare at his face. You might just scream or gasp or even cry, but you were too stunned to speak, the way you were so calm also surprised yourself. You shake your head as you doubt your hearing and gave him a bitter smile.

"You're joking."

"Yes." 

Your eyes widen from his answer. He's such a prankster. 

"Jeno!"

He laughed. His laugh is so carefree but feels shy at the same time, that is just screaming lee jeno so much.

"So what am i supposed to say? You already heard me."

"I'm just trying to seek clarity." You narrow your eyes playfully. Now you don't even know where the confidence in you came from.

"You're my clarity." 

Now that sounds straight up came from a song lyric.

This whole time you think that you're crazy for wanting lee jeno, but here you are having a little cafe date and knowing him to have the same feeling as you are.

-

"Ah!" you squeal as your head thud against the hard surface.

"Sorry," jeno apologized as he giggled, then continue to peppering kisses down your neck.

Both of you were alone in a room at the backstage, making out like crazy before he bring you to the nearest table and pin you down. You sigh blissfully, thanking heaven every time your bodies this close, that you finally have jeno for your own and not anybody else. It's not the first time that he finally touched you, but every single one of his touches feels like the first time.

Oh, of course that didn't just happen in a night. He's been so sweet and kind to you that you mistaken his deed as something more than platonic relationship.

He bought you food. He told the manager to drop you off at your apartment at night when the schedule's over. You both go to the staff's cafeteria and eat lunch together. You offer him to go cycling together when he's off, and he did. He lent you his airpods when you lost one. You brewed his morning coffee. He called you one night and said that he's missing you. You asked him if you can do the same, texting or calling him as a normal friend would do despite both of your jobs. And that one night where he sneaked out to your apartment just to say that he wanted you.

That moment you thought everything is indeed possible. 

"Jen! Wait!"

He's currently railing you stupid at the backstage.

Now both of your hands were on the wall, legs spread open for him to easily pound you from the back. 

"Shit, this pussy's so tight." He slowed down, dragging his cock precise and keen, watching how his length appeared then disappeared inside your pussy.

"You like that baby?"

Your ears are buzzing, eyes fluttering, you only mewl and all you can hear is squelching sounds from how wet your pussy is before he sped up, skins clapping resonated all over the room.

When you didn't answered, he stopped and brings your hair to a ponytail then yanked your head up so your back is now against him as he whispered, "i said, am i fucking you good, little slut?" Well he can be cruel sometimes, but both of you know his mouth isn't that dirty on daily basis. He's just having his moment.

"Fuck yes," you finally speak.

Jeno railed into you again, he prop you to stand up, right hand on your hip, clamping so hard it'll leave bruises, and left hand grasping at your jaw to make you face him, his lips ghosting between your ear and lips, heavy breathing and all.

When he brushed against your earlobe, he whispered right onto your ear, "open your fucking mouth."

You obliged, as he bent your neck back and you presented all of yourself in front of him, he spit into your mouth. "Perfect. Keep it there like a good girl you are." 

Jeno started to pick up pace again, this time hitting your spot deliciously over and over, sending you to the cloud nine.

You agape as you moan, all while your mouth full of your and his spit, nonetheless making an effort to keep jeno's words but you're already drooling all over your chin.

"J-jen.."

"Shh, no need to say a thing baby girl, keep your pretty mouth shut."

Jeno suddenly lift you up and prop your back against the table. He's hovering over you, tapping your cheek, oblige you to open your mouth again, and spit another glob into yours.

"Now keep that warm and safe, you could do that, right angel?"

He asked and you only nodded in response. "That's it. Now let me make you feel good."

He spread your dangling legs by pushing on your thighs then dragging his hard and big cock along your slit, making a quite lubrication.

You're a whiny mess, never in your life you thought you'd have sex with lee jeno in a random room on their backstage, and he's pretty wild at the moment.

Before you can process a thing, he's already on his knee, eating you out slowly. You tug at his hair and hoist your hip up, but he's keeping you in place. He's taking his time, kitten licking at your opening with a slow pace, sucking softly at the clit, but it already making you tremble and wanting more. He's keeping the act for a while before the frustrations hit you.

"Jeno, hurry the fuck up."

He stop doing his ministrations, and as he pissed off, he suddenly lift you up again, your front pushed to the nearest wall.

"What did i just say to you? Shut your fucking mouth. Don't fucking speak. Why did you speak?"

He landed a couple of hard slap against your ass, making you yelp and shriek, "i-m sorry, please," your head drooped, your body trembling, but not from fear.

It's excitement.

Another slap on your ass. "Please what? Tell me, angel, what is it?

He kneaded your flesh and put his length between your ass cheek, nuzzling it sensually, and it made you bite your lip hard, can't take his teasing no more.

"Please," you almost sob. "Please, jeno, fuck me."

You beg, and he immediately bend you fully over again, both of his hands were on your hips as he fuck you into oblivion.

"Princess wanna get fucked. What she wants, she gets." 

He kissed his teeth before he rammed into you, hitting that sweet spot precisely over and over again it felt so good. Your hands and legs almost gave up, but he grabbed your hip in place. As you moan and scream for him, he keep chanting that he want you to come for him.

"Jeno, i'm fucking close- fuck," your hair is tangled, you're a drooling mess, your eyes rolled up. He fuck you so good it leave you dumb. Jeno's hips never once falter, he keep fucking into you rapidly as you whine non stop.

"Fuck, come all over me. Come on," he encouraged you.

"Coming!" You're a moaning mess, pussy can't help but tightened around him, making him curse under his breath. He continue to pistoning as he chasing his high, prolonged your own orgasm.

"Fuck, gonna cum," his thrust remain steady until it finally stopped, buried so deep inside you as he fill you up to the brim. Jeno finally pulled out, your hands and elbow propped against the wall as you arched your back while bending over, giving him a full sight of your ass and pussy overflowing with his cum. 

"Shit.." jeno cursed as he ran a hand through his fringe.

You felt your bodies emitting fog from the fever, glistening with sweat.

Just after that, you both heard a knock and someone's shouting.

"Are you guys done there? Jeno, get your loud ass out there right now, we're running out of time." 

You wouldn't miss whose voice it was.

It's fucking na jaemin. You felt embarrassment creep down your spine when you realized he found out, although nothing like the rest of the members doesn't know about the relationship you two have. But still, caught red handed fucking in the backstage with his band mate is a little bit..

"That's embarrassing.." you sigh while covering your face, making jeno chuckled as he patted your head.

"He'll get used to it." He smiled like a puppy, as he not merely fuck you senseless just now.

-

You said that it's embarrassing. But it seems like you're liking how unusual things did give you some thrilling sensations you can't explain. Since then, you've had sex with jeno in the void meeting room when everybody's leaving from work. It's giving you anxiety on what if someone's barge in, or the worst-you'd get kicked out from the company and never ever get the same job even at the different place again-but funnily, you can't resist the good feeling jeno made you and the realization that you were actually enjoying the shit, eventually not giving any fuck if someone know.

Another day of you and jeno spending time together in the same room, giving some different kind of affections to each other. And you're just too afraid to say something; to ask him: 'what are we?' Because you couldn't be more happy with what's happening between you two now. And tonight is a bit different because you feel your heart ache in the way he hold you as he won't let go.

"Jeno.." you arched your back when his tongue trailed from your abdomen up to your breasts while he attempted to unclasp your bra.

After freeing the flesh, he mumbled in awe, "beautiful."

He latched his tongue on your nipple, swirling it with purpose, to make you even wet just for him, and him only, just like the way he liked it.

"Fuck, it feels so good, don't stop," you pulled on his hair, a signal for him to keep going. 

"Yeah? You like that, pretty girl?" Jeno kneaded on your swell as he sucked again on your nipple.

"Louder. Moan louder for me." And that's what you did. Your fucked up sounds is a music to his ears, railing him up to the extent where he just wanted to sink in you. 

Jeno cupped your sex, your panties were damp in arousal. "Shit, look at you. So fucking wet." He slid his fingers up and down your panties before he slipped his fingers in. You whimpered when his cold digit met your folds. He only play with your opening and clit, but it already drive you crazy. You're practically drooling, he's collecting your essence on his fingers before he bring it up to his mouth, tasting your arousal. You huff and puff, look already fucked up before him when he barely did anything.

"So pretty. So fucked up. So needy for me."

All you did is fucking whine. Lee jeno is driving you insane.

"Please," you plead. "Jeno,"

"Hm? What is it princess?" He asked with a sweet mocking tone.

"Fingers. Want your fingers inside me." You sternly told him, but your gaze was infirm.

He chuckled then replied, "of course baby, you'll have it. But later. I have to taste you first. Will you let me?"

He asked for your permission and what on earth is stopping you from letting him eat you out? Of course you would never say no.

"Pleasee," your whiny voice made him smile from ear to ear in satisfaction.

"Love it when you beg."

Jeno get down to eye level with your pussy before dive in. Your hips wouldn't stop thrusting up to him and pulling his hair, his strong hands looping on your thighs. At this rate his face buried deep between you legs and tongue prod into your cunt, exploring your hole, lips trying so hard to swallow you up, open mouthed kiss at your pussy, sucking and lapping. He's eating you out like there's no tomorrow. 

"Fuck, i think i'm gonna cum."

Jeno chuckled, "already? So spoilt."

Jeno bring his fingers down and curled the digit expertly inside your pussy, you're wiggling like crazy when he reached that sweet spot that got your pussy tightening around him, then he sucked your clit hard, made you cum in instant at his doing.

You gradually came down from your high and stared at him in the eye, begging.

"Jeno, please, let me suck you off."

He feels like he's flying up the cloud seeing you prettily begged for him. Then he smiled, "can't say no to a pretty girl like you."

You bit your lip before you kneeled in front of him, taking a hand of his hard cock and kissed the tip. You hold onto his balls while you licked and sucked along his shaft until your tongue met with the tip, then sink into his cock, swallowing him whole. You bobbed your head up and down, sucking in intensity. He groaned and bring his hand through your hair, while he got his head thrown back against the headboard.

"You're doing so good baby, keep going."

He hissed painfully, his muscles clenched and his grab on your hair is getting tight. Your left hand massaging his balls, mouth sucking at the tip, the other hand stroking the rest of his shaft.

"Fuck, i'm not gonna last." He hold your head and thrust into your mouth, chasing his high. Your gagged sound heard all over the room, eyes pricked from tears. His groan went louder and that's when he came all over your mouth, and you swallowed all of his seed like a good girl, his good girl.

You lap all of his fluid, cleaning his cock clean, and lick your own lips.

"God you're pretty." His stare full with admiration, then he caged you between his arms, locked your lips with his in a passionate kiss. Tongue dancing with each other, nipping at one's lip. Both of you moan into the kiss, until he break it first.

Your back arched so high, hips pressed against his own, wanted more just than kissing him, but he pushed your belly down and leaned in.

"Need you now. Need to make love to you."

Once again, your heart sank at his confession. You're already tearing up as he pushed his big cock into you, soon picking up a steady pace to thrust between your wall, all while kissing you out. His kiss felt so soft and sweet, but also fragile at the same time. Your bodies met, no space in between. You hug him tightly, so afraid that he might just run away or disappear in the blink of an eye. He made you feel so good you're crying, can't even think or talk straight, your mind felt numb.

That night, you remembered vividly the last word he said before you passed out.

"I love you."

-

The rainy night made you feel all lazy. You wouldn't get up from bed if you just didn't feel the urge to go to the convenience store and fulfill your craving with some warm food. You're definitely starving.

You take out your umbrella because it's still raining, but as you nearly arrived, it's became a drizzle before it came to a stop.

You fold your umbrella as you walk closer, but before entering the place, you definitely saw jeno at the dark aisle between two buildings; making out with who the fuck you don't care, as if someone could've not just pass by and saw them two passionately changing spits.

You froze in your place, can't even walk any closer to where jeno was. You felt anger bubbling up to your chest and at the same time, you can't help your heart from breaking into pieces.

But as someone's controlling you, you suddenly stomped on your feet, making a way to them with balled fists, and you nearly scream when you call him out.

"Jeno."

The two broke the kiss after couple of seconds as if they're unbothered, both dripping from the drizzle. He turned at you, eyes dark and indicating that he wasn't even surprised to see you there. 

But then he opened his mouth, "how th-"

"What the fuck?" You cut him before he talk, spitting your anger out, voice all husky and spiteful, extremely vulnerable at the same time.

"Who the fuck is that?" Your eyes burned from restraining tears roll down your cheeks.

"What happened with the other days when we literally spent time together? Yesterday, you just- we just- fuck, i- i thought you just said that you lo-"

You can't help but blubbering, can't even say the last word you meant from spilling out. It's too much.

The girl he was making out with tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist.

You scoffed, speechless.

Did he just stop her?

Sickeningly, he just walked by you as he made a way out while dragging her with him.

You swear you just felt so fucking dumbfounded. He didn't even say a word since earlier.

When you can't hold your tears back again, you break out and scream his name out. 

"LEE JENO!"

He looked back from his shoulder, but he still put the same blank expression in front of you before he chuckled.

"Well. Looks like i've got nothing to explain since you already saw it."

Still standing with the balled fists, you can't even talk as you were trying so hard to figure things out. Why the fuck did he do this? Did this to you?

"I believe you're capable enough to think with your little brain, princess."

Suddenly, the rain started to pouring again, leaving you all soaked up gradually.

He's giving you the nastiest smile he have ever showed you as he made his getaway with the girl and said,

"Wake the fuck up. I have never loved you."

―

And that's when you wake up from your dreams.

As your eyes fluttered, you felt tears running from the corner of your eyes, making your sideburns damp uncomfortably.

This fucking whole thing is a dream. A dream that's so real.

No wonder that all of it was happening so fast; and absurd.

Now you can't even think of jeno the same way anymore if you see him at work. 

You checked your phone. Of course it's december. You laughed bitterly at yourself when you realized you trapped with jeno in your dreams when it's fucking summer. You swear you can even feel the heat. It just felt so true.

You get up on your elbows then cursed under your breath before muttered to yourself, "never thought you'd love and hurt me at the same time."

And it's not even in the real world.

Is it better because it's just a dream? Or is it not because the real thing is even more an awful truth you need to accept?

That's when you realized that the meaning of impossible is literally as it is. It's the time for you to understand that both of you is poles apart, that he is different.

You'll never ever get him, and you need to forget him; as he might already forget you.

[forcebookish]

fic masterlist!

(in order of posting)

a compelling argument (one shot) Only Friends (drama series) E | TopMew | 2,044 WC

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the weight in her heart (1/5) BLEACH (anime & manga) M | IchiRuki | 5,632 WC

In the span of a few days, Ichigo goes from giving the transfer student a ride to school on his bicycle to watching her die right in front of him. With nowhere else to go, Rukia’s ghost haunts him, hoping to find out what killed her and move on. Claiming it’s only about getting her out of his closet, Ichigo does everything he can to help her move on—including confronting her family and, of all things, going on a date. Yet the more he does for her, the less he wants to let her go. And the closer they become, the heavier the Chain of Fate on Rukia’s chest grows.

False Alarm (one shot) Only Friends (drama series) T | TopMew | 1,145 WC

Since the fire at the hotel, Top’s dreams have gotten worse. Even Mew’s presence cannot fight all the demons in his head.

melt away (one shot) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) G | ForceBook | 1,374 WC

Force reminds Book of who he is; he always has. After a day without Force on the Only Friends set, Book has a hard time getting out of Mew’s mindset and the anger he has for Top’s betrayal—so he goes to Force’s to remember what it’s like to love him.

slow down (2/2, sequel to Love Out Loud) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) T | ForceBook | 1,556 WC

1. like gravity would betray him: A sleepy, clingy Force helps calm Book before a daunting Only Friends shoot. 2. standing in the eye of a typhoon: Between takes, Book struggles with the most challenging scene in episode six and Force helps him focus.

taste you again (one shot) Only Friends (drama series) E | TopMew | 1,128 WC

(Episode 4 coda.) “You wanna go faster? After making me wait so long to taste you again?”

Thunderstruck (one shot) Enchanté (drama series) T | AkkTheo | 713 WC

Recently married, Theo still protects Akk from thunder like when they were kids.

more than forever (one shot) A Boss and A Babe (drama series) E | GunCher | 2,311 WC

(Episode 12 coda.) Cher left because he wanted—wants—to be with Gun forever, and Gun means to hold him to that.

Love Out Loud (2/2) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) G | ForceBook | 1,406 WC

1. I wouldn’t want it with anyone else. After the whirlwind weekend of the 2023 Love Out Loud Fan Fest, Book needs a hug to get to sleep; so does Force. 2. You’re supposed to say it back. (Prequel.) Backstage, Force has a hard time meeting Book’s eyes—but that’s not what Book is looking for.

kiss you or kick you (4/5) Captain America (MCU) M | SteveBucky (Stucky) | 15,710 WC

All I had to do was hold him. After the fallout from the Sokovia Accords, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Wanda find refuge in a Wakandan safe house. Desperate to keep Bucky by his side, Steve convinces him not to go back on ice and instead try to loosen Hydra’s grip on his mind. With the help of Shuri and Wanda, Steve tries to put back Bucky’s pieces in the hopes they can finally be together—but what if they’re both too broken to reach for each other? What if it’s like Bucky falling from the train all over again? (Takes place after the events of Captain America: Civil War.)

Extrême (one shot) A Boss and A Babe (drama series) E | GunCher | 4,536 WC

Cher loves Gun’s new cologne; Gun just loves Cher—publicly and privately.

self defense (one shot) Wonder Woman (DCEU) G | Diana/Barbara (WonderCheetah) | 1,113 WC

Diana may have taught Barbara self defense, but there’s no defense against their mutual attraction.

this post only contains fics from 2021 and beyond (farewellswords pseud), but you can still check out the rest under my other pseuds on my AO3 (arrowverse/young justice, exo/k-pop from 2015-2020).

[jungkookstatts]

안녕하세요, 여러분!

[Translation]: Hello, everyone! 

Hah, this makes me shy lol. Please bare with me. 

Anyways, welcome to the blog!

Recently, I’ve been overcome with this gut feeling that I should finally launch this blog. I’ve been writing for years now, but I’ve always been so shy with social media, expressing personal self, and showcasing writings. So, I never really had the courage to post. 

But, as apart of my new years resolution, I will let it all go and express myself like how I wanted to within the last few years. I am excited, nervous, and slightly razzled by the fact that I’m really going through with this. But I am ready. 

A little about what I intend to post:

This will primarily be a BTS blog. Though I love every member, the majority of my writings are y/n scenarios with Namjoon, Yoongi, or Jungkook. I have writings for everyone; however, i tend to feel more confident with my writings with the prior three boys.

I do write 18+ scenarios, so adults only!! My writings will also always be female x male, not because I am against pairings with other genders, but because that is what I am most used to writing and am more familiar with. Still, if you identify as any other, you are always welcome to read. I intend to keep this space as a strict respectful zone to all people.

Another disclaimer: I do not own BTS or anyone else I choose to incorporate in my writings. I write with them in interest as apart of a fictional story — as a face and personality that is unique to them (in real life and in a story) — but never to disrespect, alter, or manipulate to fit my or others standards. Their respect comes with the respect of anyone else.

Now for formatting, here is how I will organize my writings in post:

Title

[picture heading]

Summary: [2-4 sentences]

Theme/Tags: [EX: Highschool!AU, Non-Idol!AU, Yoongi x best friend’s sister!AU, etc.]

Rating/Disclaimer: [18+/A/Smut/S/Mature/M , Fluff/F, Angst, Romance, etc…]

Word Count: [x,xxx words]

Author’s Note: [me blabbling]

A little about me:

Hi!

You can call me Sae, if you’d like.

I am a double-major, third-year university student! I do take Korean there! It has been just about a year and a half since I started learning it, and I love it to the core. It is really such a beautiful language and culture, and I am so glad I went through with taking it. I could talk about it for hours! 

As for BTS, I have been a fan since I was in 8th grade…so 2015-2016? My first ever bias was Taehyung…ofc lol. However, I have been a Yoongi bias since around 2017-ish. Bias wrecker? I bet you can’t guess…Namjoon and Jungkook. Unfortunately or fortunately (however you view it), BTS was the only group I was able to fully get into and know. I love and listen to other groups like TXT, EXO, ATEEZ, Red Velvet, TWICE, etc. But I never got fully into them to the extent I did BTS.

As for other fics or posts you might see around here, I am a hard-core weeb. So, you might see some anime character’s on here. However, with a recent off-the-bandwagon mishap since entering uni, it has been quite a while since I have even watched a show. I intend to get back into it. We will see where life takes me. 

So, yeah! I hope you like what I end up posting! Feedback is always appreciated. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out! 

Again, I do not tolerate hate, disrespect, or anything malicious on my blog. If I suspect or if it is outwardly posted that someone intends on coming after me or anyone else on this blog, you will be reported, blocked, and otherwise removed from my page. Please remember human decency and practice being kind to others!!

Other than that, happy holidays and happy new year! 휴일 잘 즐기고 새해 복 많이 받으세요!

[baekhyuns-abs]

Slave to Darkness [1]

(gif not mine credit to the owner)

If you missed the prologue, here she is here.

If you’re new here, hi how are ya? This is the first chapter to the Second installment of my Slave and to read the first installment click me. If you’ve been here before, you know the drill.

Message me I’m lonely

Sexual themes and mentions of death and blood

Sehun blinked, his brown eyes adjusting to the darkness that surrounded him. His limbs felt numb, cold, wet with his dripping blood. He’d been trained for this moment, fed, groomed till he was of age. A blackswan male of the Oh dynasty were known for their faithfulness and devotion to their cause.

The sacrifice to the otherworldly creatures of the ‘big house’.

Sehun felt exhausted, his body running out of energy as if it was being physically drained from him. Soon he couldn’t even see shadows and fear gripped him. Death was approaching and his eyes felt heavy, his head lolled forward and even the crunch of leaves behind him didn’t rouse him.

But the firm ice cold grip on his chin made him shiver. “How about we get you out of those ropes…” The velvet deep voice made his spine stiffen.

Sehun managed a nod and Yifan’s crimson eyes glinted with intent. “You serve me now.”

***

There was one thing about vampires she envied more than anything in the world; unchallenged vitality.

It was beyond sunset when she began to yawn, walking away from her desk duties to the kitchen. The smell of Yixing’s cooking had her stomach rumbling before she had reached the staircase down to the eccentric stone lined kitchen. Deep polished marble counters surrounded the walls, three two doored fridge freezers in between, pristine and grey. A large island in the middle, although cluttered with food and delivery trays still looked as luxurious as the day it was carved.

“I’ve never had pasta.”

She watched as the focused face of Chanyeol came into view. The superhuman hearing of vampires had become something she had quickly gotten used to, they heard people approaching and as they had never lived with anyone who couldn’t sense presences for a hefty chunk of their lives, they didn’t greet each other as humans did. ‘Hello’ was a word they had lost touch with.

A small crease was forming between his eyebrows as he was dishing out the potions of the array of many types of pasta; Yixing must have been cooking for hours. She almost matched Chanyeol’s expression as she thought about the other selfless vampire.

“Not even when you were human?” She walked across the black marbled floor towards the island.

He had a tray he placed plates of assorted pasta and garlic bread upon and her mouth watered.

“I don’t think so.” He muttered in concentration.

She looked down at the paper in front of him, the orders. The girls had a set menu every week - Yifan wasn’t keen on the idea but surprised everyone that he didn’t argue Yixing’s notion after he strongly stood by it - it was basic enough but still she knew that the food he laid out was the best.

“You’re missing out.” She took her own plate and helped herself to the penne pasta drowning in her favourite basil pesto sauce.

“So are you.” He glanced at her, the scarlet of his eyes never ceasing to amaze her whenever she saw the brightness of them.

She blinked, avoiding his calculative stare as she hesitated over the bread. “What?”

The air shifted and Chanyeol’s turned nervous. “I don’t know why I said that.”

Something in her told her to not let it go, ask him again - another voice told her she knew what he had meant. The voice had nagged her for weeks, but she refused to listen to it. It had been kept at bay, the thoughts - the desire - to be what they were. To hear it from him, someone else other than her conscious that her remaining human was dull only made the seed of her wish root itself in her heart.

Grabbing a slice of garlic bread she honed in on the quiet hardworking vampire. “What-- How do you become a vampire?”

Chanyeol’s face drained of what little colour he had in it and she was answered, but not by him.

“Why are you asking?”

The voice in her ear caressed her from head to toe, making her shiver. Before she could look at his face his hands were on her hips, holding her in place in front of him. Her breath got caught in her throat as she felt the chill of his soft lips on her ear lobe.

Baekhyun’s tone was low, curious but laced with hostility. She knew that tone, learnt it and it usually meant she was in territory that he wanted her to have nothing to do with. As much as he had let her in, there was so much still that he had kept her from.

“I’m curious.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

Baekhyun’s smirk was evident in the sudden change in his voice, he was playful. His hands snaking around her hips to pull her tighter to him. Her stomach coiled and she leaned into him, comfy and relaxed in his arms. His scent never failing to soothe her, his touch adding to her complete compliance.

“We need to take the first batch to the rooms.” Chanyeol muttered, uncomfortable.

Baekhyun made a face, letting go of her. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to go eat too.”

As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. Her expression gave her immediate discomfort away. She hated to admit how jealous and almost insecure she felt when Baekhyun went out for his… meals. She understood that he only could take so much of her blood a week and he needed more of it to sustain his energy - he had a lot, always leaving her with none - but the thought of him out in the shadows stalking someone that wasn’t her had her uneasy.

She had gotten used to the thirst for blood, from all of them, but Baekhyun’s thirst had always set her on edge. She couldn’t tell him though, she refused to become the woman he had sworn his utter loathing for; Yuna. She didn’t see him as a monster, not like she used to, but all she could think of was his complete sorrow and anger during those few weeks of Yuna being back under the same roof - she couldn’t bring those memories back.

She walked away with a cart of food and their allocated rooms before Chanyeol could say anything more.

~~~

Baekhyun wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with a grimace. He tossed the fresh corpse on the ground he found him on with disdain. He should have known better, he looked down at his feet at the array of syringes that had surrounded the hobo. He had fed but the drug filled human barely tasted like the delicious meal he was after. The dark shadows of the alley shrouded him from view of passes by.

The sun had set, casting an eerie purple glow on the village - and he was still hungry.

The soft sound of gracious feet landing behind him rang in his ears. “Are you following me?”

“I was in the area.” Was Sehun’s reply as he examined Baekhyun half assed work on the dirty ground. “Are you going to finish that?”

“No, and neither are you.”

“We’re not supposed to hunt in the village.” Sehun reminded Baekhyun.

“You’re right.” Baekhyun agreed, his red hungry eyes gleaming slyly. “So better clean that up before we get seen.”

A wicked grin and he left. He could imagine the look on Sehun’s face as he disappeared from view. The change in Baekhyun’s overall mood had been noticeable for all of the brothers in the manor. He was still evil, but he smiled more. Sehun had always felt the guilt on his shoulders about what had taken place centuries ago, after all, Yuna was his sister.

Baekhyun scaled a tree, his ethereal figure moving with inhuman agility it would have been mesmerising to those who watched. He landed on level feet on the top of a building, finally the sun dim enough not to cause an ache in his body. Summer was ending, nights began to get chilly in the spring and as the breeze tickled the smooth paleness of his cheeks he couldn’t feel the difference, but he knew from the way she had spoke of it.

You’ve gone soft; the teasing of Jongdae would have rubbed him the wrong way months ago but he found as the ice melted over the lake so did his heart and he didn’t mind it. Her love was changing him, and if it was soft then so be it.

He was learning to trust, and he liked it.

“What do you think of Yifan being back?”

He heard his footsteps before his voice and Baekhyun frowned, irritated. “I really couldn’t give a shit, Sehun. Why are you following me?”

“I need to feed too.” Came the just as irritated reply.

If Baekhyun was honest he had tried his absolute best not to think about it. It was okay when he was working with Yifan for was sex trade - a secret he was planning to take to his unlikely grave - but when he heard he was staying there was too much to process. Luhan’s death, the distancing of Yixing and Minseok from the rest of them, all of it was overwhelming and not even Joonmyeon knew how to cope with it all.

Baekhyun just knew one thing; he hated how Yifan was close with her.

As they started their journey through the further outskirts of the village to the woods Baekhyun could sense the tension around Sehun.

“How do you feel about it?” He eventually asked.

“It’s nice.”

They continued their hunt together in silence.

[kxmssblog]

Minnie hiatus explained

Amongst other life-things and happenings. I took some time away from I, for me... to indulge myself and my imagination.

I went on to discover and read, so much fan fic by you fellow writers and authors, that I have been too engrossed to let go for a while.

Will you allow me to share some of the works that have gripped my soul? Pretty please? Will you? Thanks a mill, in advance!

I have utterly wept, wailed, soaked, smiled, laughed, cooed, inwardly screamed, screeched, blushed, angered, frustrated, wide-eyed, scandalized, most of all been sensually awoken and so much more. You best believe.

I took this time to absorb all of me, away from my own work, and fully immerse my senses honed by my literary loves.

Fellow author-nims...

You are passionate

You are talented

You are beautiful

You are sweet

You are fluffy

You are kinky, af

You are bold

You are brave

You are magical

You are diverse

You are spirited

You are out of this world... perhaps, the universe too

You are strength

You are power

You are perfectly flawed

You are humble

You are graceful

You are open-minded

You are everything, beyond my vocabulary because

You simply are!

(Simmilar to how Minseok hyung is, in my eyes)

And I love you all for it.

'Ah-huh' Moment: I thank every day of my life, that I can read and write, when there are people in this day and my age or older, that can't write or read their own names, whichever the language.

Thank you all for your words and stories for keeping me company, frustrated and whiny (at the cliffhanger endings or series), ofcourse I'm guilty of too. I love you, nonetheless.

[fanficsofmine]

LUHAN IS MY EXO-M BIAS. If you go to my personal blog you would see his face all the time. So I 👏🏼 got 👏🏼 you! -Admin T💋

“Lu!” I gasped. He had come up behind me while I was reaching for a book. He had put his hands under my shirt and tickled his fingers down my skin.

I spun around and he pinned me against the bookshelf. His lips landed on mine and I melted into his kiss as he pressed his body against mine. He moved my lips down to kiss my neck and I changed from gasping his name to moaning it.

“I like it when you say my name like that, but you have to be quiet. We’re in a library baby. Can you be quiet for me?” he had a sexy smirk across his lips, but I had other ideas.

“Can you?” I asked him as I dropped to my knees. I could tell this caught him off guard as I unbuttoned his jeans and released his length from his boxers.

“Oh shit.” he whispered as he put his hand on the back of my head as I began to bob back and forth. Using his other hand, he used it to stabilize himself against the bookshelf we were by. He did his best to keep an eye out, but he also kept getting lost and closing his eyes as his head fell back several times. He kept cursing under his breath, and I could tell that he was going to cum if I kept it up.

Without warning, I popped my mouth off of him and stood up, winking at him. He whined and I said, “guess we better hurry and get home so that we can get you taken care of. Did you find any books you need?”

“I found something I sure as hell need.” he whispered as he grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the library.

[writingstuffandmore]

My heartfelt apologies to all the fans who got hate, bullying and harrassment from some immature fans and those who failed to control their anger...

I hope that things could go better and we all stream together for our boys..

We Are One! ❤️

[dieukyungsoo]

•Click• •Chapter 5• •Happy Chanyeol Day• •Group Chat I•

-2:39pm-

/kyungsoo93 has logged on/

kyungsoo93: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANYEOL

kyungsoo93: I know I don’t say this enough, but in a completely hetero, no homo way, I love you. This year has been rough and you have been there for me every step of the way- you get me coffee and pizza at 3am, run the projects I forget at the dorm across campus to my classes, let me eat your food and use your soap and clothes and blankets. I know I sometimes throw a tube of toothpaste or two at you, and tell you that I’ll sacrifice you to Satan sometimes, but I mean it in a loving way. And if I’m being honest, I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the best roommate and friend I could ever ask for (even when you play guitar at 5am), and I hope you have a great day and a great year.

/zhxngyixingicorn🦄, galaxykris🌟, luluhanxi7, not jongdae🌈, and oohsehunnie have logged on/

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: awewwwww that’s so cute soo

galaxykris🌟: it’s Chanyeol’s Birthday today?

galaxykris🌟: I thought his birthday was September 12th

luluhanxi7: HA SOFT

/luluhanxi7 has taken a screenshot/

not jongdae🌈: no chanHYUK is September 12th

not jongdae🌈: chanYEOL is today

galaxykris🌟: crap I didnt get him anything

oohsehunnie: I made him something

/oohsehunnie has sent a photo/

not jongdae🌈: ...what is that supposed to be

oohsehunnie: it’s card!! And I drew me and him on it and added some glitter

not jongdae🌈: him and I*

kyungsoo93: he’ll hate it

oohsehunnie: no he won’t I drew him with a guitar he has to love it

oohsehunnie: And im not smashing him with it it’s in tact

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: I think it’s beautiful sehunnie when my birthday comes you should make me one

galaxykris🌟: how many guitars does he have should I buy him one

luluhanxi7: sugar daddy yifan

oohsehunnie: leave me alone I put a lot of time and effort into this

kyungsoo93: I bought him an iTunes gift card cause he’s always taking money from my wallet to buy new songs so this will be more convenient for him

luluhanxi7: I’m just gonna give him whatever bills I have laying around in my wallet

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: I bought him a movie he said he wanted idk what it is

/zhxngyixingicorn🦄 sent a photo/

luluhanxi7: HJSJSJSSNXSWL

kyungsoo93: yixing

kyungsoo93: are you sure that’s the right one?

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: I’m pretty sure, why?

luluhanxi7: GIVE IT TO HIM GIVE IT TO HIM HELL LOVE IT

kyungsoo93: that’s an /adult film/ yixing

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: all movies are rated PG13 nowadays silly

kyungsoo93: 🤦‍♂️

kyungsoo93: I’m not even gonna bother anymore

oohsehunnie: I don’t get it

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: yeah I don’t get it either what wrong with it

not jongdae🌈: I want to be there when you give it to him

galaxykris🌟: so turns out guitars Costa lot of money that I don’t have and myeonie had a guitar sticker laying around so I’ll just give him that

/jonginini and kim junmyeon. have logged on/

kim junmyeon.: awe that’s awfully sweet of you @ Kyungsoo + sehun

oohsehunnie: thank you fibally someone appreciates my talent

kim junmyeon.: I never said it was good I just said it was sweet

galaxykris🌟: okay but can we just acknowledge that ksoo put ‘in a completely hetero, no homo way, I love you’ in his message??

luluhanxi7: that makes it 10x better

jonginini: that’s because his homo is only for me

galaxykris🌟: I just choked on my coffee

kim junmyeon.: I can confirm I watched it happen

oohsehunnie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: I don’t get it you can’t /have/ homo you /are/ homo

not jongdae🌈: oh yixing

not jongdae🌈: never change

zhxngyixingicorn🦄: I try not to

kyungsoo93: I don’t even know you

jonginini: not yet 😉

galaxykris🌟: get it nini

kyungsoo93: please don’t

kim junmyeon.: okay but where even is Chanyeol I mean we’re all here to say happy birthday and stuff to him and he’s not even here

oohsehunnie: #rude

kyungsoo93: stop

luluhanxi7: I saw him go out with Byun Baekhyun

/not minseok✨ has logged on/

not minseok✨: yea he went out for lunch with baekkie and were coming back to our dorm to fck and then go out for dinner and then come back to screw again

not jongdae🌈: oh yea that’s why you’re coming over

kyungsoo93: I

kyungsoo93: I CANT BELIEVE I JUST GOT STOOD UP FOR BYUN FUCKING BAEKHYUN

luluhanxi7: r u okay

kyungsoo93: I BOUGHT HIM BALLOONS AND EVERYTHING

kyungsoo93: I WAS GOING TO BE NICE TO HIM

galaxykris🌟: and here we see a young do kyungsoo experiencing for the first time what heartbreak is

jonginini: it’s okay Kyungsoo I’ll come over and make you feel better

kyungsoo93: you don’t even know where my dorm is

oohsehunnie: I do

/oohsehunnie has dropped ‘chansoo dorm’ as a location/

jonginini: thanks

/jonginini and zhxngyixingicorn🦄 have logged out/

kyungsoo93: who tf is chansoo

oohsehunnie: it’s a ship name

oohsehunnie: CHANyeol + kyungSOO = CHANSOO

galaxykris🌟: I ship it

not jongdae🌈: btch I do too

not minseok✨: but I thought chanyeol was fcking baekkie

galaxykris🌟: not anymore

kim junmyeon.: kris we’ve been over this stop being a home wrecker

kyungsoo93: I’m going to go pop all these balloons now

kyungsoo93: I hope chanyeol has a very bad day

/kyungsoo93 has logged out/

oohsehunnie: I think I might go make sure he’s okay

/oohsehunnie has logged out/

not jongdae🌈: if everyone else is leaving I might as well too

/not jongdae🌈, not minseok✨, kim junmyeon., galaxykris🌟, and luluhanxi7 have logged out/

/chanyeol_pcy and baekthosebyuns have logged on/

chanyeol_pcy: awe thanks guys!!! And thanks soo, dw I’m coming home soon!!! I can’t wait to see what kind of balloons you got and I love you too!!!

/chanyeol_pcy has logged out/

baekthosebyuns: yea that’s right I’m the only man chanyeol needs sorry ksoo

[biaswreckingyourlife]

When you read a super good fan fiction Seriously, bless fan fic writers. Thank you for all that you do 👏👏👏 you the real mvps.

[kaisooficrec]

Ultimate Top & Dom Kim Jongin Fest : Round 2 (2021)

Mmmh (don't you worry) Don't just sculpt me, please    

The ULTKJI Fest is back again with delicious top/dom Kai fics. We have selected the KaiSoo stories for you here, but you can check more on the fest’s Twitter account! 

#1 : Kiss Me Meow

Genre: Smut, Friends-with-benefits Length: 11,131 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Dirty talk, Daddy kink, Begging, Semi-Public sex Summary:  Kyungsoo and Jongin agreed on being fuck buddies. While Jongin is such a dominant taking him apart in the sheets, every time he comes to his flat he becomes a fluff ball cooing and petting his cat who seems to like him a lot. Maybe so much they meow for attention and sadness every time he is about to leave and Kyungsoo is beginning to question his own feelings.

#2 : I Heard You Got Lucky

Genre: Rom-Com, Age Swap, College!AU, Virgin!Kyungsoo, Smut Length: 27,369 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Dirty talk, mentions of fisting Summary:  What started as a small lie in order to save himself from his friend’s wrath led Do Kyungsoo to be shoved into the spotlight when rumors started popping out that he slept with Kim Jongin, the campus heartthrob. Things, of course, escalated to where he was no longer in control of his own narrative. To top it off, he didn't even know who Jongin was!

#3 : Loving you softly

Genre: PWP, Established Relationship, BDSM (heed the tags!) Length: 5,392 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Soft BDSM, Sensation play, Featherplay, Riding crops, Prostate milking, Sex toys, Shibari, Flogging, Restraints, Rimming, Aftercare Summary: To say that Kyungsoo is excited is the lie of the century. What he feels is beyond that. It’s been too long since they last had a whole afternoon free to spend solely on each other.

#4 : Fixing a Broken Fairytale

Genre: Depression, Mental Health Issues, Angst with happy ending Length: 12248 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Depression, mental health issues, mentions of molestation and rape Summary: Jongin is the tall and handsome prince Kyungsoo has always dreamed about. He may not be perfect but they balance each others weaknesses. To Jongin, the elder is his superhero and strength, to Kyungsoo the younger was his happiness.But what if one day the beautiful dream for Jongin and Kyungsoo fall apart, will they be able to fix the broken fairytale?

#5 In The Middle

Genre: Royalty, kinks Length: 10105 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Jongin/Kyungsoo/Kai, twins without twincest (Read the tags!) Summary: Day after day Kyungsoo is subjected to suitors asking for his hand. Usually he doesn't spare them a glance But it isn't until he meets twin Princes Jongin and Kai that he finds himself taking another look

#6 : Lil.O.Lait

Genre: Omega verse Length: 8103 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Lactation kink, nursing kink, omega/human Summary: Got Milk?

#7 :  Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)

Genre: Light BDSM Length: 6946 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Sex club, innocent character Summary: Kyungsoo is a sheltered only child who’s never had any experience regarding sex before. That is until Baekhyun convinces him to enter a club—one which turns out to be sex club where he meets a stranger named Kai. The thin line between pleasure and pain seems to disappear as Kai brings both to Kyungsoo’s bedroom.

#8 : flight of the stars

Genre: Daddy issues, Roommates Length: 17880 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Homophobic slur Summary: Kim Jongin, born January 14th, 1994 in Seoul, South Korea. Stuck with a hopeless crush on his childhood friend - all because he was born one year too late.

#9 :  Don't just sculpt me, please    

Genre: Friends with benefits Length: 3269 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Flexible sex Summary: Jongin is an artist working mainly with clay and stone to create an explicit homoerotic art. He needs a model for his new collection.

#10 : Lean On Me

Genre: Strangers to lovers, roommates, camboy!AU Length: 13019 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : crossdressing Summary: Kyungsoo is a popular camboy who enjoys doing cross-dressing during his live broadcasts. Now that he has a new roommate, he doesn’t know when to do his streams. What Kyungsoo doesn’t know is that Kim Jongin, his new hot roommate, is a fan.

#11 : How about your vocal cords on my cock.

Genre: A/B/O dynamics, Enemies to lovers, Rockband Length: 9418 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : Summary: Omega Kyungsoo is the flirtatious vocalist of his band The Dolls while Alpha Kai is the hottie guitarist of the rival band Skin. During a festival, both bands attended and they couldn't contain their hate any longer, until ...

#12 : Mmmh (don't you worry)

Genre: Canon, Roleplay Length: 7197 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : slight exhibitionism, spit as lube Summary: Kyungsoo has his own reasons for staying up late just to pratice the choreography of "Mmmh" in the solace of EXO's dance practice room. However, his plans for the night did not include Jongin himself unexpectedly barging in.

#13 :  A Reason, A Season; and A Lifetime

Genre: Alpha/Human, Soulmates Length: 15845 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : threesome F/M/M, armpit kink, slight dubcon Summary: Sometimes things do not make sense until the very end.

#14 :  Bulletproof

Genre: Enemies with benefits, Assassins!au Length: 3427 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings :  Summary: One minute they're shooting bullets at each other, the next they're shooting cum together. Jongin and Kyungsoo are enemy assassins who found pleasure and love between gunfire and blood.

#15 : take your time with this love (say you're mine forever)

Genre: Alpha/Human, High school!au, College!au Length: 25768 w Rating: R Kinks/Warnings : A/B/O verse, virgin!Kyungsoo Summary: jongin is his best friend. at the age of 17, jongin is destined to be an alpha, while for kyungsoo, he is neither alpha nor omega.kyungsoo realizes he isn't really envious of jongin for becoming an alphait gets painful for him because he catches feeling for his best friend.and that he realizes, he would watch jongin gets an omega partner for himself, getting the one --- that would never be him.

[idkyeol]

Two Plus One (Kyungsoo)

Ksoo fluff for the softest fan I know, @chanyngsoo

You looked at the test over and over. It was definitely positive and you were sure Kyungsoo was going to flip. You had only been married 3 months. He told you he wanted to wait until you were both ready to start a family. You decided to keep this from him until you went to the doctor to confirm. You told your sister and begged her to not tell Chanyeol because he has the biggest mouth of them all. 

You called and scheduled your appointment. You had begun to get sick and could tell Kyungsoo was worried. “Babe are you sure you’re okay?” He asked. This was your 5th trip to the bathroom that day. “Yeah, Soo. I think I got food poisoning or something. Alex is taking me to the doctor in the morning.” He visibly relaxed. “Okay good. Let’s get you to bed.” You follow him to the room. “Soo, I’m okay.” He shushs you and tucks you in to bed. “Just get some rest. I don’t want you to be sick” 

The next morning you get up and leave. You meet your sister at the doctor. She seems more excited than you. You went through all the routine stuff and your pregnancy was confirmed. You even got to see your little bean growing. “How am I going to tell Kyungsoo?” You ask your sister. “Dude, we are going to surprise the shit out of him.” As you get back to your house you both start trying to come up with different ways to tell him. She comes up with the idea to do a scavenger hunt using the other members. She rounds up all the boys at your house and you start. It shouldn’t take him more than 2 hours to figure it out so you guys wait. You give Jongin the first clue and send them off to their locations. You wait to hear from Kyungsoo. 

Your phone rings and it’s your husband. You explain to him everything and he plays along. About 3 hours later he comes bursting through the door. “This better be good because I am pissed. Baekhyun almost got me arrested. Chanyeol’s dopey ass almost got me beat him, and for some reason Jongdae almost hit me with his car. So if this isn’t the greatest present...” You stop him before he can continue. “Open this, Soo,” He reads the card. “Two plus one equals three. In 7 months you’re gonna be....” He looks at you stunned and you hold up the ultrasound and say “A daddy.” He doesn’t say anything and you can’t read his expression. You start to panic and he drops to his knees in front of you. You look down and he smiles at your belly. “Hi baby. I’m your daddy. I don’t know if you can hear me but I cannot wait to meet you.” Seeing this causes you to cry. He jumps up and hugs you. “Thank you so much, baby. This is the greatest gift ever.” You laugh. “worth almost dying and going to jail?” He laughs. “Definitely.” 

[btsinwonderland]

Coffee & Wine - Ch. 7

An Exo Story...

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - coming soon!

Full Chapter List

--------------------------------

Erika’s hair was tied up in a messy bun with warm and cool streaks of ashy brown racing through it. The sun shimmered from the windows and Mina thought her hair was glowing. Her heart shaped face was framed with small wisps of baby hairs that seemed to be perfectly placed around her delicate nose and small plump lips. The rose gloss shone like glass and sensuously swelled as she spoke. Mina wondered if she would find anyone normal looking in the entire school. Aside from herself, that is.

“Well Mina, it's good to meet you too. What are you, new money? You don't seem like the usual type here,” she said.

Mina smiled with a hundred tired words in her mouth, she swallowed them before speaking. “I'm here on a scholarship.”

“Ohhh,” Erika said with her tone lowering at the end. “Best you keep that to yourself, it's not that I care, but people at this school are pretty judgy about the rafters.”

“Rafters?” Mina said.

“Oh right- sorry, it’s just something they call the scholarship people. Anyways, do you want to grab some lunch?”

Mina hitched her thumb in her backpack strap with a smile. “Sure, and thank you again, for helping me.”

Erika smiled with a sparkle in her eye. Mina thought she might pinch her cheeks.

They walked around places she had not explored yet. Erika took her around to the pool and exercise facility, apparently there was a secluded spot there she frequented. Mina looked through the long glass panels that exposed the inside of the pool, it was professionally sized with three different hot tubs and a full length diving board. The royal blue water rippled as the plastic pool heads bobbed up and down.

They made their way around the building to the other side where there was a small set of cabin like houses. Though they were fashioned from steel rather than wood, Mina found the sudden residential look to be out of place. She noticed signs, like in bathrooms, signifying male and female through tiny pictograms in front of each house.

“These are the change houses, there's a ton of showers and bathrooms in here, steam room, dry sauna, the usual,” Erika said as she scanned her card to get in.

“The usual…” Mina said as she caught her jaw from falling.

It was a fully furnished house with couches and a kitchen, the only difference was that where one expected a closet or bedroom door, there was a room that transformed the space into a high end spa. Erika sat down on the black leather couch and opened her take out container from the cafe while wondered if the dizzying feeling would ever cease in this place.

“So nobody comes here?” Mina said as she chewed her cold omelette. Rubbery. The rice was an okay temperature and the kimchi gave it a bit of a kick.

“Not really, it's still early on so the sports teams aren't here for a couple more months,” she said. She was picking out the cherry tomatoes from her salad and putting them on a napkin.

Her hands were elegant as they held the fork with delicacy. She did not stab but slid her fork into her food with practiced precision on making the least amount of noise possible. Mina observed this impossible feat as Erika ate her salad. Erika noticed Mina watching her, she laughed airily and pushed her napkin. “How rude of me, do you want these? You must not eat very well at home, being…”

Mina paused her reverent observation and blinked a few times not understanding what she meant.

“You know...being poor.”

Mina let out a dragging laugh that sounded awkward in the silence between them. “I suppose you’re right...”

Erika’s brows furrowed and she frowned. “Oh no, I've said something insensitive haven't I? I'm sorry, I'm so stupid sometimes.”

“No no it's okay! You're right, but it's okay.”

They moved onto better topics that were not related to wealth. Like weather and the latest shoujo manga. Mina hoped with all her heart she might get through school at least making one friend and when Erika asked if they could have lunch together the following day, her wishing became explosive.

A couple of weeks had passed like this and Mina started to look better. Her eyes were less puffy and her hair was less frizzy, she looked decently put together. Perhaps this was due to a beautiful blossoming friendship that she had been looking for all her life.

Or because she started living in the change house.

Mina did not want to stoop so low as to start living like a vagrant but when she saw the comfortable couch and relative security of the change house, it was difficult to ignore. So she moved in. She kept her duffle bag in her locker that contained her essential items and laid out a perfect routine that gave her more than enough time to get ready and get a good night's sleep. She visited the hospital every day after school and went back to the change house. Her routine had simplified significantly and it even got to the point that she looked forward to collapsing on that leather couch after a long day.

She was in the middle of her afternoon literature class, in which she had started sitting with Erika. They sat together in the back-middle row and Mina was starting to get used to the feeling of having a friend. She also enjoyed the vantage point of where they sat. This was the only class that her fairy prince was in with her. The first time she saw him enter, her heart skipped a beat. The pink hair bobbed to its seat and occasionally bounced about when he agreed with the professor. She always made an effort to leave before he could turn around in fear of her being recognized again.

This time as she took notes, Erika wrote in her notebook. Mina smiled and started writing a note in Erika’s when Erika sneezed loudly. The whole class looked back at them as the professor caught Mina leaning off half her chair.

“Miss Lee, is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?” The professor said with his circular glasses sitting on the edge of his nose.

She panicked when the tuft of pink hair turned in her direction. With a gulp she looked at the teacher and shook her head. Her eyes snapped to the pink tuft without a thought, their eyes met and he smiled, she immediately looked away.

When things got back to order and the lecture continued, Erika mouthed an apology. It was so cute that Mina almost forgot the mortification. The professor discussed different works of literature and mentioned Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Mina listened in closely and was surprisingly completely pulled into the lecture.

When it ended she was inclined to ask the professor about what other books were planned for the curriculum. Erika stepped in front of her before she went down the steps to the whiteboard lined walls.

“Meet at the usual place for open period?” She said with a smile.

Mina nodded with vigour. “Yes! I’m just going to ask the professor a question.” She then saw the professor was nowhere in sight. They really raced out after the job was done.

“Do you like reading?” A melodious voice called up from the lower steps.

Her stomach cramped with several hundred butterflies at the sight of the fairy prince walking up the steps towards her. He held his notebook casually and had a hand in his pocket. She simply nodded at him. Erika lit up like a deer in the headlights as well.

“I-I love this book, Pride and Prejudice,” Mina said in a low voice.

“Really? Don’t you think Elizabeth was a bit of a snob? I mean, she thought she was a forward thinking woman of the time, someone different and better than the others, yet she went after the wealthy man anyway. Doesn't that make her like the rest of them, if not worse even,” he said.

That broke Mina out of her fairy dusted stupor. She knit her brows in confusion. “But she would have loved him whether or not he was rich. It wasn’t the money she wanted, it was the sincerity and the passion.”

He crossed his arms and thought for a moment. Then his bright laugh rang around them. “That’s wonderful! It’s nice meeting a well read woman, I never properly introduced myself, my name is Baekhyun Kim, though I’m sure you’ve heard of me.” He bowed slightly and flashed her a brilliant smile with a wink.

Mina was once again in a fairy dusted stupor. “M-Mina Lee, nice to meet you!”

Erika looked between them as Mina’s cheeks reddened. Baekhyun smiled at them both and walked away. Mina stood there for a few minutes before getting back her motor skills.

“Do you want to get coffee Erika?” Mina said.

With a dark expression Erika declined. “I-I have somewhere to be, I have to go.” She backed up and ran out of the classroom.

Mina tilted her head wondering what was wrong. She hoped it was nothing of her doing.

The next day she was walking through the pool house to meet Erika for open period. Her conversation with their literature teacher lasted longer than she had planned this time. There was a minimal amount of people at the pool, some girls laid languidly by the pool while other people were doing intense training laps. She walked around the side of the main pool and tried to keep her head down when one of the girls saw her and whispered to the others. Then one of them dove into the water and the splash went up to Mina’s knees. Her socks were immediately wet. They laughed airily and without a care while Mina tried to walk away as fast as she could. The water caused her foot to slip on the tile and she skid along the side of the pool. Her heart quickened as she raised her arms reflexively.

As soon as she closed her eyes getting ready for impact, something collided against her body. She opened one eye to find herself in smooth muscled arms. They held her close and she looked up to stare into beautiful shiny eyes framed in pink. “Are you following me?” Baekhyun said with a dazzling smile.

Mina shook her head and suddenly became flaming hot when she realized she was in his arms. And that he was shirtless and wet as he had just come out of the pool. She flung herself off of him and gained her balance looking away.

“I’m so sorry for falling on you, I-I didn’t mean to…”

He laughed with a purr. “You’re a strange girl to deny opportune events. Most women would love to fall on me.”

She gave him a strange look and then her cheeks blazed when she noticed his naked chest and torso again. Lean muscles lined his abdomen and she could barely keep a steady gaze on him. He laughed when he realized how uncomfortable she was getting.

“Ah you are a cute one aren’t you...Hold on, meet me at the front of the change houses in a minute, I’ll go change!” He then ran out towards the the change houses.

The girls stared at Mina with fire in their eyes. She looked down and walked out through the pool house. The path outside took her to the familiar gardens and then in front of the change houses.

She stood by the fence when Baekhyun emerged from the mens house with a wave. He ran towards her in long shorts and a black sweatshirt. The fence stood between them as he leaned on it towards her. His arms flopped over the side and he gave her a playful smile.

“So, want to go on a date?”

Before Mina could even process his words something hit the ground with a loud thud and she turned to see what it was. They were the two coffee’s Erika was holding. She gave Mina an icy glare and stormed away.

“What’s up with her?” Baekhyun said with a frown.

“I...I don’t know…” Mina said as she started walking towards where Erika ran. Her mind was spaced out in the sudden panic.

“Hey, you didn’t answer me! Tomorrow night, at Edison’s, 7 o'clock sharp!” Baekhyun said.

She only half turned around to agree without a thought before she ran after Erika.

It was hard to find her through the large campus, though Mina had learned quickly what types of places Erika liked to roam around in. She searched in the upper library floors, where the lounges were. There was one area that was devoid of any people. Mina turned the corner and found Erika sitting by herself with tears in her eyes.

“Erika…” Mina said.

Erika looked up, her face contorted into a frightening expression for a second. The next second it was transformed into a soft pout. “You lied to me.” Mina looked at her confusedly when Erika spoke again, “you said you didn’t do anything. Clearly you did. Otherwise why is Baekhyun Kim asking someone like you on a date! You’re not even a real student! You’re just some peasant clinging to charity!”

Mina felt the words lash at her heart. Erika looked up at her and her gaze softened for a second. “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.”

Mina’s eyes became glassy as she stared at the wall. “You’re right, I am a peasant. I have barely any money, my father’s in a coma, and my house burned down leaving me homeless. I am clinging to all that I have. So how could I possibly have time or mental space to start dating men I’ll never understand?”

Erika’s eyes widened at her sudden outburst. “What do you mean you’re homeless?”

Mina regretted her words instantly. How low she felt. “I-I’ve been staying at the change house until I figure something out.” She knit her hands together and looked down at them.

“Oh Mina, I’m so sorry…” Erika said. She walked up to Mina and gave her a hug.

Mina smelled a vanilla perfume emanating from Erika’s clothes, it was comforting. “So you’re not mad? I’ll avoid him if it makes you happy, I’ll tell him to stop talking to me. Please don’t be mad at me, you're my only friend."

Erika rested her hands on Mina’s shoulders. “No, don’t do that! If you reject a Kim then the target on your back will enlarge to ridiculous proportions. You can hang out with him, it's okay Mina. I just got over emotional and jealous of the attention you got that’s all.”

They talked for a few minutes more until Mina had to leave for the hospital. She waved one last time to Erika before leaving with a lighter feeling in her heart.

Erika sat down on the lounge chair and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, “you little bitch, just wait.”

[breadoffoxy]

This is my fic recs organized by member/group. It’s really more like me yelling in reblogs about how much I love a talented authors’ writing. I had a webpage with these links but making this more mobile friendly finally. Cultivated lists to come.

☕️ Go-to Authors

☕ BTS Fan Fics Recs

☕  BTS Head Cannons

☕  Jin

☕  Yoongi

☕  Hoseok

☕  Namjoon

☕  Jimin

☕  Taehyung

☕  Jungkook

☕  Monsta X Fan Fic Recs

☕  EXO Fan Fic Recs

☕  Taemin Fic Recs

☕  Super M Recs

[bao3bei4]

kpop music videos that gave their fans sexual brainworms

OR accidental fetish pop and its fringe fanbase: meditations on gendered desire 

large warning here: i am someone who has been into kpop for the past 10 years. however, i have always been an extremely casual fan. i do write fic, but not rpf. if any of that makes you not want to hear me talk about kpop rpf (or you don’t want to hear about it in general), please keep moving.

anyway, obviously pop is corporate, soulless, and manufactured. but sometimes some truly bizarre shit gets past the committees and destroys a generation. these are their stories.

the video that started this is all is got7’s just right, released july 10th, 2015.

yes that’s all 7 members of got7 (one is out of frame) shrunken down for your viewing pleasure. they live in your room and tell you you’re just right. 

this sheer fetish power of this video is nerfed only by how utterly sexless it is.

they’re styled like and dance like this. it’s a totally unironic sendup of the seminal work that preceded it by four years, “what makes you beautiful” by the white kpop group “one direction.” the chaste energy of the whole thing makes you legitimately wonder if the good people at jyp have just never heard of microphilia. (during a dramatic reading of this piece, here a friend interjected seriously, “i think it’s korean culture not to talk about things like this, fetishes in the workplace.”)

it’s for the best, honestly, though because the actress in the music video is lee ja in, who was 11 when the video was shot. considering that the members themselves ranged in age from 18-23 at the time, i think it’s actually very impressive that we only have to cancel one. 

you receive absolutely no prizes for guessing that it’s jackson wang we’re sending to social justice prison. why’d he do this? no one asked. 

at any rate, got7 fans, or “gans” (they actually call themselves igot7s which is too twee for me), have much to think about here: all 7 very small members of got7 sneaking into their room, possibly weird age play, and jackson wang eating a very large cake.

let’s see what they actually did. 

twitter was actually very tame. the most charged thing i found was (unsurprisingly) from a bts fan (“ban”). i don’t actually know what it means, but i think it means something.

so, of course, i turned to the internet’s last bastion of free speech, where you can say whatever the fuck you want and receive cheers, or as the kids say, “kudos.” that is, i read fanfiction. 

for those of you who don’t know your herstory, i started my journey at Asianfanfics.com, where, at the time of writing, there were 12,067 got7 stories. i want to start this by saying that i think feminism won, because someone was paying real human dollars to advertise their irene/wendy fanfiction on a banner ad, which is quite possibly a win for women for everywhere. 

anyway, Asianfanfics.com’s search engine sucks ass (i kept on finding stories about different combinations of bts members worrying about their weight and being reassured by another member that were entitled “just right”), so i decided to look through all got7 stories written between july 2015 and december 2015. 

but, alas, not a single got7 microphilia fic to be found. 

also, some genre commentary while i’m here: i think the stories i respect the most are the “[y/n] is a ordinary girl who’s assigned to be got7’s manager! can she make them into superstars? as sparks begin to fly, can she keep it professional?” like fuck yeah that sounds like a kickass dating sim. it almost definitely already is one. i salute all the teens around the world for buying into the fantasy of dating a boy band member that they themselves sell you. 

however, i don’t think i respect the “[member a] and [member b] are mafia/jocks and nerds/college students/high schoolers” concepts. in my opinion, the whole fantasy of boy band member is their personas, their hidden real personalities, their celebrity, and the show business setting. find a different intellectual property if you wanna write about school. i even respect the “yugyeom drank girl juice [not estrogen] and turned into a sexy girl” story more, because at least it knows exactly what it wants, and also because they’re all still boy band members. well, band members. shout out to yugyeom. 

so, anyway, i looked elsewhere. at the time of writing, archive of our own only had 11,645 got7 stories, but it does have a better search, so it effectively has more. as an aside, i think it’s so funny, and mildly disorienting at first, that archive of our own separates the “music & bands” section from the “celebrities & real people” section. boy band members aren’t real people. 

the first problem i encountered is that only 20 or so stories were written within a year of just right’s release. absolute cringe gans. don’t you care about your boys? there were zero stories tagged “vore” or “microphilia” either. stories containing the word “tiny” that were rated either “explicit” or “mature” were all normal (“normal”) size fetishization rather than, you know, just right. 

however, i learned my lesson from twitter. i realized that what had happened was that watching this video had created sleeper agents, just waiting for their activation phrase. that activation phrase? bangtan boys. and yeah, lo and behold, there was one! unfortunately (fortunately?) it had nothing to do with got7, let alone just right, so i’m not going to talk about it.  

basically what i learned is that this video may have actually been very normal, and my brain has just been destroyed by being too online at a young age. 

however, there are plenty more videos in this genre. i present to you exo wolf, a banger from may 30th, 2013. i say banger, because in a comedic inversion, it’s actually fucking terrible. 

this video is pretty self-explanatory in terms of why it might induce certain responses. 

let’s get the formalities out of the way. this video, the member who’s getting cancelled is kai. he has braids in this video :/

also skating on thin ice: xiumin and chen. guys what was up with the whole exo-m thing? like, we’re gonna have a cpop subgroup, but it’s going to be part chinese members and part korean members that we’ll give a chinese name? unsurprisingly, the three exo members who have departed from the group are all chinese. they weren’t able to stand the microaggressions probably. but xiumin and chen remain uncancelled as an official chinese apology for five thousand of years of on-and-off invasions of korea. sorry guys that was kinda fucked up. our bad! 

anyway, there are basically three avenues for exo fans to take: 1) humans with wolfish characters (usually wolf pack dynamics, which even wolves themselves don’t fucking use so i think all of you should shut up. the real omega here is your brain), 2) werewolves (duh), and 3) wolves with human characteristics (i.e. standard furry fare). 

exo themselves let all these possibilities exist at the same time, superimposing them over each other, which is very woke and egalitarian of them. let’s see what the people decided. awoo.

Asianfanfics dot com had many stories in this vein. i feel very validated that this time i was able to correctly predict a fetish. that said, briefly returning to my earlier comment regarding alternate universes: it’s intense psychic whiplash reading about these vampires and werewolves, and going okay okay luhan is a vampire this that whatever, and then seeing the actual real performance photos the author attaches at the bottom of each chapter. bro i forgot these were actual people.... it breaks immersion so bad... i’m sorry, i just can’t believe that any of these dancing boys are having weird vampire sex with wings or whatever. 

archive of our own also had many stories in this vein. and i think there are some important difference between the two sites worth talking about. 

first of all, i think the higher engagement rate of archive of our own really enables some of the authors to get super bold. it makes Asianfanfics.com seem a little quaint, actually. like the wordcounts are waaay longer, for one. it’s uncommon for a story hosted on Asianfanfics.com to be more than a few thousand words long (most of them could easily be published in the new yorker), whereas some of these archive of our own people have written full length novels about if the members of exo were werewolves. i guess it’s just intensely demoralizing for the aff.com crew to get, like, three comments per story. 

the second big difference is that i’m noticing more common themes between the ao3 crew’s writing. like stan intertextuality, or plagiarism, or whatever, but they seem to be implicitly engaging with each other’s characterizations, storylines, and tropes. i think it is because they probably all follow each other on twitter. (i have been active on twitter for three weeks now so i am an expert on fanfiction twitter.) 

anyway, like not that i am a particularly big gan (cannot even list all the members), but these people seem to have reached a very specific consensus on how jackson wang, for instance, would react in a variety of situations that really surprises me? if i were to sit down and write a got7 story, i think the fuckboitude, the douchebaggery is a big part of his charm. not to be nationalist or anything, but for god’s sake, he’s from hong kong. but these people have him as very sensitive, lots of protective instincts. not that i understood what anyone on aff.com was doing with his character either, but they did all seem to be doing different things. “kudos” to that, i guess.

but: exo. wolf. i searched the “wolves” tag. this filtered the list down from 33459 stories to 52 stories. and the “wolves” tag was very different from the aff.com “wolf” tag. for the most part, aff.com liked stories where a member was a wolf (usually shapeshifting), feral boy, lots of y/n, lots of y/n dating a feral boy who is secretly a wolf. 

ao3 really, really, really likes alpha/beta/omega stories. sorting by the most popular stories, only five on the first page weren’t a/b/o. and one of them was a cis f!baekhyun story, so i think the intended effect was communicated. anyway, let’s talk about some of the themes. 

first of all, i’m disappointed. today’s bonus cancellation is of ao3 “wolves” writers. why the fuck are you drawing so heavily from european wolves?? there are wolves in asia!! you don’t need to keep giving their packs and ranks weird latin names. i will kill you. i hate italy. korea literally has a native wolf. i hate all of you!!! if you want to write caucasian wolves go watch that dumbass cw show!!!! my god. 

the second theme (the first one was white supremacy) is that no one wants to be a wolf who fucks. i think that we need a sex positivity movement, or something, for omega rights. like, are all of you doing okay? you’re queering misogyny by inventing new genders to oppress. another level to “no one wants to be a wolf...” is the “who fucks” part. there are so many consent issues. and not even in like, a sexy intentional way? in a “i genuinely do not think this author understands how their writing comes off” way. unfortunately i am sensitive to untagged sexual coercion, and there was a lot of that.

at any rate, the aff.com wolves were at peace with being wolves, very self-actualized. the ao3 wolves know that every minute they spend alive on this bitch of an earth is suffering, and also sex.

the third theme is the evolution of y/n. y/n, who, in a startlingly woke move for aff.com, is almost always korean, is a girl main character stumbling into love, boy bands, and wolves (i think it’s because aff.com is oldschool kpop fandom, so therefore heavily asian itself in userbase). but y/n is not the main character in ao3 stories. she is the straight best friend. in what i think is a hilarious move, ao3 authors invert the gay best friend paradigm to give the gay main character a straight girl as best friend. she usually calls him “a gay,” she has lots of thoughts on boys, and she knows his sexuality better than he does and before he does. (sidebar: if all the men are gay, and all the women are straight...)

there’s a really fun twist to this, though, because the main character is always a self-insert in fanfiction. but where older fanfiction like aff.com was at peace with this and literalize it via y/n shenanigans, modern fic writers who haven’t finished distangling their complicated relationship with wanting to be a man who loves other men instead simply imbue their main character with their essence. a little voodoo doll sehun, with a lock of y/n hair. 

this creates a deeply ambivalent relationship with gender in these stories. the main character is usually an omega, but one who resents being an omega. their body and its parts is usually described, if at all, as ostensibly intersex (except more offensively), but in practice, these discourses inscribe a trans body. (nb: i think cis writers approach this in a really fucked up fetishizing way, but i hope by this point we know that that goes without saying) it’s incredibly straightforward to read this, and see the underlying desires and fears in a heady cocktail of unfiltered writing that’s deeply confessional. you know when freud had people say whatever the fuck they wanted and figured they’d eventually free associate into releasing their subconscious into reality? yeah. 

okay, and while we’re on the topic, let’s talk f(x) nu abo, released on may 4th, 2010. 

this is a blitzy, maximalist, amped up dance hit that even has its own applause and cheers built in. it’s so fucking annoying, and i love it. 

this song is on here because the second most popular kpop a/b/o story on ao3 is called “nu abo” except it’s about bts. that’s offensive enough in its own right. write something about f(x) (702 works). when will women win the right to have their own self-lubricating holes.

anyway, even though f(x) is probably innocent in all of this, i’m still cancelling amber liu. 

for queerbaiting. who told her to look like ruby rose but hot? and for what? i’m also cancelling her for racism, but that wasn’t in this video. 

moving on to a double feature: vixx voodoo doll and vixx chained up, released november 19, 2013 and november 9, 2015 respectively. this is because while voodoo doll is more formative, i think the fans who write fanfiction today got into kpop more recently, so we are casting a wide net.

anyway, voodoo doll is jam packed with weird pseudo-medical imagery, blood, vivisection, bondage, puppet shit, femdom, sharps, piercings, asphyxiation, dollification, stabbing/penetration metaphors, and a really sick and catchy dance. god that looks like the list of tags on the a/b/o wolf stories. 

for this song, we’re cancelling you, for being way too into this song when you were 13.

vixx voodoo doll made me goth i guess! insert that pic of the your music saved me sign, except it saved me from getting into emo or pop punk probably. 

chained up, comparatively, is much more tame. the only thing of note about it is that there are around 10 completely different chokers and choker looks the members wear in this music video. also they’re singing about being chained up, but that seemed a bit obvious. 

we could argue that voodoo doll is gay while chained up is gay (derogatory); that voodoo doll is queer while chained up is gay; that chained up is a sensitive masterpiece of omega4omega sexuality. but we’re not going to. 

we’re going to talk about what voodoo doll fanfiction was and was not. first, Aff.com had plenty of it. however, i was extremely disappointed to see that much of it did not hew to the spirit of vixx voodoo doll. my god, the voodoo doll becoming the one preying upon you disgusts me. the fantasy of the voodoo doll is that of absolute power. the idea that the doll itself has agency? instantly breaks the fantasy. i’m even not into voodoo dolls and i’m offended. 

i also don’t think it’s part of the voodoo doll fantasy to release the doll. the only story on there that involved Y/N kidnapping vixx members like in the music video was unavailable because the author deactivated their account. come back qxeen what did you see. 

i think this got off track, actually, in that i was mostly wondering why these people imprinted differently onto vixx voodoo doll than i did. like i don’t think you’re supposed to actually like straightforwardly absorb the morals and aesthetics of music videos like it’s propaganda. however, it’s more entertaining if you do. i hope ao3 doesn’t let me down. 

out of the then 5932 works in the vixx fandom (the least out of every group so far, excluding f(x) because they’re women), 59 of them included the word “voodoo” somewhere. that’s 1%. i legitimately can’t tell if that’s high or not. 

after some more cursory reading through the first page of popular results, my big takeaway is that people watched that video and wanted to be tortured and enslaved? but not, like, in a sexy way where the torturing is the point, the way where the point is to suffer bravely and beautifully, to endure the world’s harms like jesus on the cross, and then to fall into the arms of a beautiful boy who may or may not be the one hurting you in the first place. 

there’s a certain predictability to these fantasies. like it’s not even masochism, which would be fun at least, it’s literally just like the desire to be beautiful, even as you suffer. and i do find that a little boring. (but, i mean, you can’t help being a woman!)

sidebar: on chained up. what’s interesting about chained up, is that most of the then 38 “chained up” works (likely because the video has no storyline) are about the members fucking during chained up promotions. no one’s ever actually chained up, but whatever. it’s fine. it’s fine! 

anyway, here, more than ever, the nature of desire is stripped bare. i’ve written before [elsewhere in the unreleased tshirt cinematic universe] on how kpop boys are, through fandom, re-formed as white, or more strongly, i guess, blank slates. it’s really interesting to me how so much of this dynamic of projection is enabled by the fact that they’re asian men. they’re infantilized, feminized vessels; they’re seductive, but childlike, oblivious to their own charms, so nonthreatening; they have uncontrollable desires for sex, they’re scared of sex. and above all else, white women submit themselves to them, insert themselves into them. basically kpop fans tend to rework old school yellow peril and emasculation fantasies to reenact their own desires, often white, often cishet on them. 

what i am saying is that there’s another thesis about forced feminization and its racialized subtext in here. obviously gender is a racialized construct to begin with, but like it’s fascinating to argue that when white women remake asian men according to their own desires, that is, into themselves, they (hopefully) unintentionally echo these old fears about the sexual order.

it illuminates, it seems, the underlying dynamic in the denigration of asian men, which is of course the fear of miscegenation. now, my breathtaking ability to make everything about me aside, miscegenation is interesting because it presents a racial synthesis, beginning to collapse and trouble the artificial designations of purity. so we make asian men into white women, and end up with an unsettling hybrid. i’m sure this has deep implications for me personally.

but i think we already knew that quite a few of these people had yellow fever, so let’s talk about the gender dialectic at play. basically, the above dynamic, of making men into women (whether literally, in body; or subjectively, in mind; or even relationally, as they are objectified into passive vessels for your desire) coexists with the ostensibly converse dynamic, in which the straight women desires to be a gay man. these aren’t necessarily in conflict: it could easily be that these are different writers writing different stories, that both are ways of expressing discontent with existing in a raced, gendered body, or even that the end product of both is the same.

it’s been a while without a picture. all of you now have the legal right to hunt and kill me for making a d&g joke.

anyway, what i want to talk about is how these two fantasies can coexist. that by making a man into yourself, you can speak on your own desire in a passive way. my normal interest is analyzing forced masc fantasies (albeit in chinese opera lol), and they bear little to no resemblance to this kind of fantasy. this kind offers plausible deniability, of course, because wanting things is embarrassing. but also the fantasy isn’t about wanting to be a man, it’s about having no choice but to be a failed one. the gender pessimism running through these stories is palpable. basically andrea long chu wants what wolf fanfiction writers know: everyone is an omega, and everyone hates it.

at any rate, this racialized dynamic is one that i wasn’t sure how to bring up throughout this piece, mainly because there is no definitive way for me to tell the race of any individual writer, beyond just like the clear and present vibes that i receive. but i think it structures a lot of the fantasies contained in this essay. (i felt more comfortable bringing up the gendered dynamic, because it was fairly trivial to find out the current gender of the person writing each story i was reading.) 

obviously we should return to the specter haunting this conversation: the very much alive david eng. i think this sort of argument is familiar to readers of racial castration, especially his chapter on m. butterfly. btw sorry for mentioning that play 2 out of 3 posts on this blog. i have problems.

let’s talk about the parallel imagery between the depiction of gallimard’s final speech and the fanfiction i’ve described above. in it, gallimard makes himself into his own dream woman, dressing in yellowface and robes, the costume of puccini’s original madame butterfly. and he laments his lost love:

there is a vision of the orient that i have. of slender women in chong sams and kimonos who die for the love of unworthy foreign devils. who are born and raised to be the perfect women. who take whatever punishment we give them, and bounce back, strengthened by love, unconditionally.

in that, i see the self insert, and i see the sufferer of vixx voodoo fic. the fantasy that gallimard has about asian women is repeated, this time about asian men and a helpless identification with them. and on some level, gallimard’s women do have something very compelling to identify with: they suggest that there’s a way to endure white male violence without sacrifice, and even more potently, to enjoy it on some level.

but onward to the titular racial castration. eng argues that gallimard’s wilful ignorance of song’s true gender is a psychic castration -- song’s masculinity is diminished so that his own can be enhanced within their relationship. this, eng believes, acts out “richard fung’s contention that in western imaginary ‘asian and anus are conflated.’” this process stabilizes the relationship between the asian man and the white woman: they occupy the same place within the sexual dyad. 

this is, i think, why some people are addicted to writing from the bottom’s perspective. again -- not implying that irl bottoms don’t exist or that bottoms are psychically castrated lol -- but rather that you can fantasize about this ideal asian man that you can come to embody. in kpop rpf, rather than it being between a white man and an asian man (unless someone’s started writing chad future fic), it’s between two asian men. so this transformation is performed. whiteness is always intruding and so i think eng is helpful here to making it visible again. 

this essay isn’t a callout or actual cancellation or anything like that, i do wanna be clear. i guess i just like talking about fantasies, even the embarrassing ones, and where they come from. i think oftentimes in fandom spaces, we write a lot of stories off as idfic, and i think virtually every single one of the stories i referenced to write this fairly uncontroversially fall into that category. but i think calling something an “id” something or the other naturalizes the satisfaction it gives as purely instinctual and unconscious, when i do think there are deeper narratives at play. while i didn’t ever actually reference the base here (sorry), i do think it’s worth talking about how real world power shapes & maintains the superstructure, and thereby our fantasies. 

anyway in conclusion, maybe i was the one with sexual brainworms the whole time.

[flyboytracy]

It’s easter! It’s the final day of Earth and Sky week! It’s Scott Tracy’s birthday! and this lil fic is about none of the above because Scott wouldn’t shut up 👌 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

It’s three in the morning when Thunderbird One begins her final approach to Tracy Island. She always lands a lot more quietly than when she launches but her pilot takes extra care to settle her back onto her launchpad beneath the pool with as little noise as possible when the world outside is dark and most of the bedroom lights are out.

Of course he knows which bedroom light belongs to whom. One room in particular is almost always dark because its occupant lives in space and Scott has to tilt his head back to say goodnight to a tiny little pinprick of light as it blinks in the skies above instead...

Another room is glowing brightly but Scott’s not too concerned because the middle of the night for them is the afternoon for a certain agent of International Rescue and he’s got no desire to walk into another conversation between the lovebirds. He’d stuck his head ‘round the door the last time he’d landed to find Gordon awake at two am and really, really wished he hadn’t. Tonight he’ll brush his fingers over that door on his way past and wonder again what happened to the little kid he used to take to the pool every weekend when dad wasn’t home. When did that tiny brown-eyed boy turn into a man ready to be a family with the woman he loves?

It was probably around the time that their dad went missing, only Scott was too occupied with trying to fill in that bottomless hole that dad left behind to notice all the tiny little cracks and crevasses that opened up too.

Thankfully Virg had always been Scott’s man on the ground since the moment Scott’s feet first left it, and he’d been there to stabilise and fill in those little fractures when Scott was too deep in his own hole to notice that others had opened up. Then he’d toss down a rope and haul Scott out before the sides could cave in and bury him forever like their m…

It’s been a long, long day. Scott’s glad to see that dad’s bedroom light is out, as is grandma’s. It hasn’t been easy for dad to readjust to life on a full sized planet but he’s making excellent progress because he wishes to be the one to walk a Lady down an aisle – if they have an aisle and either of them actually ask the other because the whole marriage and babies thing isn’t something everyone wants these days. Either way, Scott had accidentally overheard a snatch of conversation by the pool last month that’d made his eyes weirdly hot and he’d had to retreat to Thunderbird Two’s hangar to get a grip on himself.

Virg had been there but he hadn’t said a word because he hadn’t needed to. He’d drawn his big brother into a one-armed hug before pushing him in the direction of the giant vats of grease and they’d had a very calming afternoon oiling anything that squeaked on Thunderbird Two.

Scott’s surprised to see his brother’s still awake because Thunderbird Two had her own mission today which Scott wasn’t involved in but kept an eye on nonetheless. Virg was in the exo-suit for hours thus Scott’s surprised to see his room’s still aglow despite the late hour. He’ll check on his best friend after making one other stop first. Alan’s lights are on and if he’s old enough to pilot a rocket then he’s too old for a bedtime, but Scott worries anyway. Troubles weigh more in the dark and his youngest brother carries more than most teenagers his age. Dad coming back into their lives has rocked Alan’s world more than most because the rest of them are old enough to remember Kansas and the man their dad used to be before International Rescue took him from them twice.

Scott can remember when dad was just dad; that giant fella who gave him a ride to Rescue Scouts every weekend and took him to GDF airbases even when it wasn’t a bring your kids to work day. He knew the person dad was before they lost mom, whereas Alan’s far too young to remember their dad as anyone other than the Commander of International Rescue and it shows. Alan never got to lay on the roof of the jet with him as stars wheeled overhead and they talked about anything his boy had on his chest.

Instead Alan spent his formative years hearing about the legend of Jeff Tracy and Scott knows he’s kinda to blame for some of that. He built their dad up to be this unstoppable, undefeatable force inside his own mind and Alan picked up on it, as kids do. Scott didn’t even realise how tall he’d built that statue of their dad until the day after they brought him home and the reality of the situation kicked in. Scott wasn’t even sure what he’d expected; part of him had expected to be too late because who the hell could survive eight years in deep space on a ship vastly understocked for such a voyage?

Of course Jeff Tracy had survived, but the reality of that was a father who’d left his children behind and returned to find they’d grown up with Scott instead of him. It made things awkward sometimes, like when Al’ went to his oldest brother instead of their dad for advice. Whatever advice Scott gave him wouldn’t be the same advice dad gave him because Scott’s advice was based on the young man he’d raised but dad’s advice was for the little blue-eyed boy he’d left asleep in his bed on the fateful day he disappeared. Then there was the issue that his advice was based on his experiences with his four oldest boys, but out of the five of them, Alan had the most freedom to follow his own dreams and didn’t need to be told what to do with his future. He just needed to know that he’d got the support of his family behind him no matter what.

Scott might not be a fan of all of his little brother’s decisions. His friendship with a certain Mr Berrenger gives him hives, not to mention the way Alan’s newest desire to race cars across unfriendly terrain littered with hazards makes his eye twitch. However he’ll defend Alan’s right to make those decisions, and then go bother Virgil until the big guy installs VTOLs or something in Alan’s car that’ll keep him out of danger.

In the mean time, Scott treads heavily down the corridor, smiling to himself when Gordon’s light briefly flickers out. Alan’s light remains on, which surprises big brother until he looks round the door to find a couple of bodies on the floor. Virgil’s sprawled on a throne of blankets with a little brother asleep on top of him just like the old days when Al’ refused to go to sleep in case one of them went away again and never came back. For a moment he thought they’d both fallen asleep in front of the TV, but then Virgil yawned like a bear and a little figure dressed in green armour went sideways off a cliff and died in Alan’s game. Big brother couldn’t help chuckling at the bewildered “Ah,” and the slightly later “….oh.” when the game over screen appeared.

“Hey, short stuff.” Scott kept his voice down low to avoid disturbing their youngest brother as he crouched, sliding an arm beneath Alan’s bony knees and the other went around his ribs before scooping him up effortlessly. Virgil could’ve done the same anytime he wanted but he’d chosen to remain on the floor. It reminded Scott of someone perching on the very edge of their bed to avoid disturbing a kitten fast asleep in the middle of it. “I think it’s bedtime for both of you. Need a hand?”

“No. Maybe.” Virg conceded when he tried to get off the floor only to find his tired muscles wouldn’t bend far enough, “Just leave me here, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Scott just smiled and dealt with his youngest brother first, pulling off his socks and t-shirt so he wouldn’t overheat before tucking him into his actual bed. He pressed a quick kiss to that golden hair just because Alan was asleep enough for him to get away with it, and then turned his attention to the rather bigger little brother on the floor.

“C’mon, HeavyLifter2, I gotcha. Up you get.” Scott reached down for those big hands and hauled him up, not quite as easily as he could move Alan out of the way, but he’d had a lot of practise at shifting brothers over the years. Giving Gordon piggy-backs home from school when it’d been a long day and they weren’t gonna make it back before dad got in. Lifting Al’ up onto his shoulders so he could get a good view of the air displays they used to go to before International Rescue made regular things feel mundane. He’d even carried Virg home one time after he’d taken a tumble climbing down from their tree house and it’d damn near killed him to carry his not-so-little brother all the way back to the farmhouse, but there was no way he’d have ever left Virg behind, even if it was just to get help.

He’ll never leave a brother behind. Dad left them behind and it wasn’t exactly intentional but they’ll be dealing with the repercussions of that for the rest of their lives. He might be home now but it’s not easy to let go of the past eight years. It’s not easy to step back from his brothers to let their dad back in. It’s not easy to just stop worrying when it’s all Scott’s ever known.

“Hey.” Virg rumbles sleepily, all slow and soft like thunder in the distance as they trudge to his bedroom, “Stand down, Scotty. Everything’s okay.”

And Scott believes him.

[charmedseoull]

Interview with sugamins about her work House of Cards (Ao3′s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work)

Before You Read the Interview

Archive of Our Own Transcript

Reddit Transcript Part 1 / Part 2

House of Cards is documented within the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Works on Archive of Our Own Project, otherwise known as T50BTS, by Charmedseoul. It is the second most hit English work on the Archive of Our Own platform, most hit BTS work, and 16th most hit work overall. It centers around the internationally popular K-Pop idol group BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) with the main characters being Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook. This work is being documented for historical purposes for the Fanlore website with its own page. Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who plans to eventually document each of the top 50 most hit BTS work on Ao3 as in depth as this one. If you are in contact with any of the authors of these works, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Disclaimers: This interview contains spoilers for the BTS Archive of Our Own work House of Cards. The story’s Archive of Our Own tags contain violence and gangster activity, along with discussion of prostitution and drug use. The full tag list is:

Alternate Universe - Gangsters

Gang Violence

Violence

Drugs

Drug Use

Explicit Sexual Content

Explicit Language

Blood and Gore

Blood and Torture

Gambling

Gunplay

Undercover

Disturbing Themes

Homophobic Language

Attempted Rape/Non-Con

Xenophobia

Dom/sub

Threesome - M/M/M

Drug Addiction

Dubious Consent

This interview discusses an 18+ mature work and Not Safe for Work topics. Please read this interview at your own discretion. You are responsible for the content you consume.

House of Cards by sugamins is a multi-chapter Archive of Our Own fanfiction that follows police officer Kim Taehyung’s undercover operation into the gangster world of Haedogje Pa. Jeon Jungkook, shrouded in an air of mystery and dubbed “The Boy,” is the heir to this crime empire. Park Jimin lives with him, acting as a lover of sorts in a high, pristine penthouse apartment. The story follows the three and their complicated relationship where sex, violence, and drugs surround them. Kim Taehyung tries to take down the empire as his moral lines of black and white begin blurring into gray. In this crime-ridden alternate reality to Seoul, everything from the structure of the gangster world to the trust between three lovers is as fragile as a house of cards.

Now presenting the interview with sugamins, author of Archive of Our Own’s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work, House of Cards:

How did you start writing?

How did you get into fanfiction?

How much writing experience did you have prior to House of Cards?

Do you have any literary or artistic inspirations? Any other authors or works that have inspired you to create anytime before or after House of Cards?

How did you become an ARMY [ARMY stands for Adorable Representative MC for the Youth. It is the fandom name for fans of BTS, otherwise known as Bangtan Sonyeondan]?

I started writing fanfiction in 2012. But before then, I used to enjoy writing stories as a child and young teenager. I used to write and illustrate my own stories. I even had a sketchbook filled with my own comic book, which was terrible! But I've always been creative. It started with art and then I moved onto writing when I discovered I was able to be much more creative with my words rather than my pencil.

I first got into fanfiction through my years spent on Tumblr. I had always known that it had existed, but I had never really gone looking for it because I hadn't belonged to a fandom at that point in my life. It was back in 2012 when I stumbled upon an EXO fanfic that a lot of people were talking about (Arbitrage, you can find it on Livejournal.) I read it and then thought...wow, so this is fanfiction! From that point, I started reading more and more, mostly Infinite fanfiction. And then I decided to start writing with the encouragement of an old online friend, and here I am!

In terms of writing experience, I have never formally received education. I stopped studying English Language and Literature when I was 16, instead focusing on Art, History, and Religious Education (purely because I wanted to learn about philosophy and quantum mechanics) for my final two years at high-school. The only experience I have is through writing fanfiction. I started back in 2012, and I've developed a lot since then. I started off small, writing horror short stories and little collections. Brotherhood was the first 'long fic' I created. I was shocked that it managed to get so big because I had never created a story of that size before. Writing helped me gain experience and figure out what worked and what didn't work, what I was good at writing, and where I was lacking and needed to learn. I don't think you can really experience an art form until you start doing it. You can learn all about the techniques and the conventions, but until you pick up a pen and start writing or drawing, you won't ever know what it means to create.

My literary inspiration has always been Stephen King. Which is funny, as he has described himself as 'having diarrhea of the typewriter.' I think that applies to me sometimes. I am a bit of a wordy writer, though I've started honing it down for certain stories. Sometimes, a story needs to be floral and descriptive, sometimes, it needs to be punchy and direct. So, King was my major inspiration, especially with horror. I also enjoy the works of Poe and Lovecraft (I acknowledge the problematic themes in the work of Lovercraft and seek not to praise him as a person. He was a terrible person for sure, but sadly, he had a way with cosmic horror that is hard to find.) I also enjoy Chuck Palahniuk and the dark, seedy and overall zany stories that he has created. I like his style a lot!

In terms of inspirations for House of Cards, I was obviously inspired by the films Infernal Affairs/The Departed. American Gangster and Training Day were also major inspirations (and also because I love Denzel Washington's performances in both films. I mean, who doesn't love him?) But I also drew inspiration from other sources that were less focused on gangs, more focused on the dark, nihilistic state of the world around us. I couldn't recommend the TV series True Detective hard enough. It is one of the best series I have ever watched. It handles dark and disturbing content so well, and its fractured, unreliable story-telling and philosophical musing is some of the best I've ever seen on screen. I highly recommend checking it out, but be sure to check the content warning and triggers because it certainly isn't suitable for younger audiences and those with triggers. In terms of real-life content, I think Ross Kemps' docu-series are very good. Particularly Extreme World and On Gangs. His docu-series show the dark and disturbing side of criminal activity, the drug trade and more. 

I became a fan of BTS [Bangtan Sonyeondan] back in 2013. I had already been a fan of K-Pop for some time by then, as I had started listening to various K-Pop and K-Rock artists back in 2009. I knew of their debut, but I had seen hundreds of new acts debut by the time that they broke into the scene, and so I didn't pay much heed. Someone I followed on Tumblr at the time kept posting about how much she loved them, especially Taehyung [BTS V/Kim Taehyung]. One day, I stumbled upon a gifset of Yoongi [BTS Suga/Min Yoongi] being sarcastic in one of their first interviews. I thought he was funny, so I decided to check them out. At the time, they had recently released We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 [BTS’s second music video release with their debut album 2 Kool 4 Skool]. I followed them from that point, and their first comeback [A “comeback” refers to when a K-Pop idol group releases new music, usually done twice a year.] was also my first comeback. I liked their music [BTS released Boy In Luv and Just One Day in 2014, both music videos of songs from their Skool Luv Affair EP.], but I liked them even more as individuals. I loved watching their shows [Here is a link to BTS’s schedule during 2014 when they had their first comeback. You can find the shows and interviews they were on there.], even though they are incredibly embarrassing to look back on now. They just had so much energy and looked to be having so much fun that I was having fun just watching them. I was a fan, I liked a lot of their songs and followed their activities. But it wasn't until they released HYYH Part One [Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa Part 1 (Korean) = The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1 (This is the title in English), released with the I Need U and Dope music videos.] that I really became a fan of their music. I had already created a couple of small horror stories for the fandom at that point. HYYH Part One [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1] inspired me so much that I created Brotherhood, my first 'long fic.' I joined AO3 [Archive of Our Own] and started posting there. I received so much support from fellow fans that I carried on writing, and the rest is history!

How has your experience being an ARMY [Adorable Representative MCs of the Youth, BTS’s global fan base name.] been? Did you ever leave the fandom then come back? How did you interact with others when you first got into the fandom and as you grew up?

How have you been since you wrote House of Cards? What have you been working on? 

Are you okay with talking about how old you are now and how old you were when you wrote House of Cards?

Before you even wrote House of Cards, what inspired it? Any TV shows? Music? Movies? Books? Ideas? It could be anything.

How did you start writing House of Cards? Did you finish the entire story then publish it or did you write it as you went? What was the writing process like?

Did you have any beta readers or editors? If you did, are you still in contact with them now? How did they feel about your work?

My experience being a fan has mostly been positive over the years. In the earlier days, back around when I first started writing for the fandom, it was certainly much more positive. I've received so much support over the years, not only in my writing but in my personal life from readers and fellow fans that being a fan of the boys [The members of BTS] really has changed my life. That's not an exaggeration. I doubt I would even be here now without those years having such a positive effect on my mental health. I've never really been the kind to interact with others and form cliques within the fandom, I just like being in my own space and interacting with everyone that comes my way, I guess?

These days, I'm not as active as a writer or in fandom spaces however. I feel like my time in the fandom has started to come up and I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I feel nostalgic for the time when I was first starting out in the fandom and I didn't really know much, but everything was fun. It doesn't feel so fun now, but I mostly contribute that to the effect that Twitter has had on shaping the fandom's growth. Twitter has never been a good place for creatives within fandoms because of issues with algorithms and such. Tumblr was always the better website for hosting artistic content for a variety of reasons. So, I think the fact that everything is on Twitter now has been partly responsible for my decline in engagement and overall enjoyment. I'm currently taking a break from Twitter. The next couple of months will be what makes me either stay or leave the fandom.

Since writing House of Cards, I've been an active writer in the fandom. Over the years, I've added quite a lot of stories to my AO3 accounts and various pseuds. My largest ongoing story is another gang story, set in the 1980s, called Valentino Summers. I actually started writing and publishing it on Ao3 just four or so months after I finished House of Cards—which is wild to think about. Finally finishing House of Cards seems like such a long time ago in my mind, and yet I'm still working on a story I created that same year! I like contributing horror stories to the fandom, especially in the Halloween period. I like publishing series in the month/upcoming weeks before Halloween—though I won't be doing so this year [2020].

When I started writing House of Cards, I would have just turned 22. It was inspired by the song 'Wires' by The Neighbourhood. I might be mistaken, but I believe that Jungkook [BTS Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook] posted a tweet with the song in it. [Jungkook did tweet about this song. Here is the English translation.] I had never heard of the band before, but my partner was a fan of their music. She sent the song to me and I was very interested in the lyrics, so I started discussing them with her. One thing led to the next, and then we had basically come up with the entire plot of the story. We just needed to create the characters. We spent a little while doing so, and then I started doing some research and started writing the story. There really isn't a grand backstory to House of Cards, it just happened so fast. We often come up with story ideas like that, and my partner is responsible for a huge amount of my stories. She has the creative visions, which I then turn into words. We make quite the team, haha~ The inspirations, I mentioned those in my previous answer regarding films and TV shows.

I published the story as I went, though I staggered the updates because I didn't want to post too frequently. I had the entire story planned out from the start——I didn't change a single aspect of the story no matter what I received in terms of feedback. I think a lot of readers assume that writers might tweak things if they sense the audience wants something to happen in terms of plot or relationships. Personally, I don't like doing that. I like sticking to my plans even if I know my vision might not be what the readers want. I think it's important for the story to be created the way I see it because my vision is what made me create it, if that makes sense.

The writing process was surprisingly smooth! You might not think it because the story is big and there are a lot of characters and plot threads to keep on top of, but it went smoothly for me. It flowed just as smoothly from start to finish as Brotherhood did. I never struggled once with writing the chapters, nor did I ever get stuck and wonder if I should change the content in order to make it easier to write. I'm surprised that I managed to complete it so easily because that's not the case with writing now! I tend to be a lot slower now, more deliberate and more open to changes in order to ease the process and the overall flow of the story. In a way, this change has been for the best. I do wonder what House of Cards would be like if I were to write it now, with my different approach to planning and writing. It would probably have a quicker flow, and the word count would either go down as a result of cuts, or go up because of additional scenes I would have likely included.

I didn't have any betas, which you can probably tell from the work. My stories are so big that I never wanted to put the burden of fixing them onto someone else. I know they are imperfect, oftentimes bloated things, but that's just what they are. I did try creating a story with another writer in the past, but it didn't go very well. She would often have conflicting opinions on things and would not have any leeway for anything I suggested, whereas I always had leeway to allow her to change things. Even to the point of completely changing the plot of the story that I had already started writing, and then allowing her to add graphic sexual content she didn't even want to be in the story. She actually stopped writing fanfiction randomly in the middle of us creating the story! She made a post about it being disgusting and nasty and then bowed out. I have no clue if she ever came back! So, my negative experience with attempting to work with someone else when creating a story kind of made me not want to have a beta. It's a wild story, I know!

House of Cards is praised for its realism and accuracy with weaponry, torture, sex, and violence. How did you research these things?

How did you come up with the gangster universe in House of Cards? How did you develop Haedogje Pa?

How did you name the original characters in House of Cards? Did any characters in particular take inspiration from existing characters in TV shows, anime, books, any type of media?

How did you decide on Vminkook as your main characters for the story? What do you see in their dynamic and them as characters?

Jimin is claimed to be one of the best written characters in the entire story. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Taehyung is an especially dynamic character whose morals get tested time and time again in House of Cards. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Jungkook is one of the characters that the readers spend the least amount of time getting a perspective from, but is incredibly well written in his character progression. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

When it came to various aspects in the story, I did do research. Most of it never really had an impact on the story itself. For example, I would be looking up gun models that are used by law enforcement agencies around the world and trying to find specs of them so I could learn how many bullets each gun held, or how much a magazine could hold. In action scenes, I didn't want my characters firing off 20+ bullets for a gun that—in reality—holds far less. That's a fact that doesn't really mean much to the average reader, but it meant something to me! I've always hated how many bullets fly through the air in action scenes in films and TV shows because I'm always wondering if it's possible with the firearms featured in the scene haha~ In terms of torture, I've come across the subject through various documentaries and TV shows about gangs, crime and serial killers. I didn't really do much additional research into the topic, beyond reading up on what I had come across to make sure it wasn't fictionalised for drama purposes. Obviously, there will be some lack of realism in my story because I couldn't possibly write a realistic portrayal of gang violence and torture when I have zero personal experience with it. My aim wasn't to give the story 'full' realism (I'll explain more about that in the next question) but to simply create a world that felt real, even if there were little aspects that had to be exaggerated for the sake of the story. Taehyung's behaviour when undercover certainly broke many procedures. The only thing working in his favour that allowed him to get away with it is that the crimes he committed couldn't be directly traced to him. But a real undercover agent would never do the things that he did on behalf of the gang. Basically, this means that the entire story is unrealistic! But of course, it wouldn't be very entertaining if Taehyung simply observed from the background and didn't dirty his hands. So, I had to bend and break the rules a little!

For the universe, I knew that I couldn't base it too much in reality. Because of basic Korean law, it would have been impossible for me to write the gang operating in the way they did in the story—especially with guns. Most Korean gangs tend to use other forms of violence and weapons in order to control their respective areas, rather than guns. My other story, Taste of Ink, has what I would consider a more realistic approach to gang activity—with the main weapons being knives, baseball bats, etc. and the main forms of violence being assault instead of flat-out murder. So, for the sake of allowing guns to appear in the story, I had to create a Neo-Seoul, so to speak. I took inspiration from Korean gangs, and mixed it with influences from other gang cultures in order to create 'Haedogje Pa.'

When it comes to naming original characters, I honestly don't put much thought into it. I like to use real names for inspiration. I often Google various Korean films I've watched and read the cast list in order to find interesting character and actor names. This is because I have a habit of reusing names sometimes. For example, readers of my stories might have come across a couple of Daesu and Goohee characters. Do you know where I got these names from? I picked Daesu from Oh Daesu - Choi Minsik's character in Oldboy. Goohee comes from the manhwa 'Let Dai' - he is the stubborn gang leader that actually has a good heart beneath his rough exterior. I ended up liking him the most by the end of the story, so his name is one that often comes to mind when I need to pick an original character name.

I never really consider real life dynamics when I'm writing because my stories are so detached from reality that it seems pointless including any inspiration from reality. I chose the three main characters simply because, at the time, they seemed to fit the character moulds the best. The other characters fit their respective characters so well (especially Namjoon [BTS RM/Kim Namjoon] and Yoongi) that I simply thought it was best to have Taehyung, Jimin [BTS Jimin/Park Jimin] and Jungkook as the three lead roles. I chose them more based on how I thought they could personally fit the characters, rather than focus on the dynamic. To use Taehyung as an example, I thought that he would fit the character of the informant in my story because in reality, he is intelligent and seemed like he would suit the role. For Jimin, I thought he would be a good choice for a character that some might think is vulnerable or even weak. He is actually very strong and the most important character for the plot progression. For Jungkook, I liked the thought of someone with such an innocent outer appearance hiding a dark secret.

I'm so glad that readers took to Jimin so positively on a whole. I know there are some that hated him, or that hated the fact I chose him for such a role (a 'negative' sex worker role). But Jimin is the most important character for the plot progression. It is through him that the entire plan finally culminates in the explosive finish. I wanted to treat him with care because I understood that his character could go very wrong if not handled correctly. It would have been easy for him to simply become nothing more than a sexual prop, should the story have focused too much on Taehyung and Jungkook as the key players. So, I decided to subvert it by giving Jimin the ultimate hand in the story and allowing him to have more control than Jungkook in the end. If Jimin had not decided to follow through with the plan, if he had decided to snitch or had simply refused to do his part in exposing the gang, the story would've ended drastically differently. But I also didn't want to write Jimin taking control of the entire situation at the end because it would've felt ingenuine. He is a character that has been deeply affected by a lifetime of trauma. I was worried that some might take my portrayal of his trauma the wrong way, and see him not as a character that has suffered immense mental damage but rather as an annoying, weak character that gets in the way of more 'interesting' dynamics. I'm sure there will be readers that think that. Mentally traumatized individuals are often seen in such negative light, be they fictional characters or real people. When writing his character, especially in the later scenes, I wanted to make sure the trauma he experienced would shape his behaviour. Writing the scene of him getting ready to leave, when he is taking his pills and he doesn't think he can do it, it was hard. It was hard getting into that headspace of feeling so powerless in the moment and knowing that freedom is in reach, but not knowing how to achieve it. He was a difficult character to write, but I think he turned out just right in the end.

Taehyung was probably the best character to write. I love characters that start off so morally upright and pristine, and by the end of the story, their backs are bending and close to breaking from the weight of their conscience and misdeeds. His character has many facets to him that made his perspectives so interesting to tackle. From his green days in the gang, where he is horrified by the violence he sees, to the changes in his psyche as he starts to become desensitized to it all. Fundamentally, Taehyung begins the story as a good man, a hero, but by the end, there is no black and white thinking. He has become grey, muddied from his time spent in the gang. Is he a hero for bringing them down? Would a hero do the things that he did in order to bring down the gang? He killed people. He tortured people. He threatened a man with a gun, a man he knew had a deepset fear of guns that would severely trigger him. I think it all depends on how the reader sees it. The hardest thing to write for his character was his troubled descent into the relationship between him, Jungkook and Jimin, and how it affects his thought processes and emotions. I didn't want House of Cards to be seen as a romantic story when I created it. If readers see it that way, they are more than entitled to their own interpretations. I cannot tell them how they can interpret my art, that is not my role as the creator. I don't know if I effectively portrayed the co-dependency between the three main characters as well as I would've liked. But I had never tackled such a story and themes before, and so it was all new to me.

I didn't know that Jungkook had the least perspective from the three main characters. Similarly, I never really put that much effort into creating and developing his character! Jungkook simply 'happened' in the moment. He would appear in the chapter, and then his character would basically take control of the scene. I never really knew what he was going to say or do beyond my rough plans for each scene. I just waited until he appeared and let the creative spirit flow through me. That's how he came to be! I've had that happen many times in the past with characters—they have a life of their own and I've no control over them. In my story, Brotherhood, Taehyung happened the same way. It was impossible to write his character in that story because he was so wild and free-spirited that it didn't feel right unless his behaviour was a total spur-of-the-moment reaction to the other characters and new plot points. But with Jungkook in House of Cards, I don't know why I didn't have him planned out like the others. It's interesting to think that he might've had a good progression when I never planned any of it in detail!

Were there any original characters you particularly liked writing or enjoyed?

When you wrote for the BTS hyung line, how did you determine their roles in the story and characterize each of them?

Is there a reason behind Namjoon saying “brother” or was it a consciously written character quirk?

When you handled more serious subject matter in House of Cards, how did you feel when writing it? Were you ever startled by your own work?

Was there any type of purposeful titling for the fanfiction chapters?

What was your reason for House of Cards’ open ending?

I liked writing Lim, the original informant that helped Taehyung join the gang. I like writing characters that come across as sleazy. In his case, the sleaze was all an act and wasn't true to his character; he was affecting it for the sake of creating a persona. But I enjoy writing absolute sleaze balls too—the kind of guys that have chest hair and wear gold chains and thick watches, who practically ooze oil. I just find them fun! Lim was a good teacher, even when he was rough around the edges. It was sad doing what I had to do to him for the sake of the plot. But I feel like Lim understood the game as well as everyone else, and so he knew he was running on borrowed time. 

Of course, I loved writing Bae Goohee too! He was an absolute bastard! I loved writing this figure that is spoken about throughout the story as a frightening man, one so brutal that the readers are already wary of him before he even appears in the story. I believe that Taehyung refers to him as a 'guard dog' at some point. I think Bae is the scariest character in the story for me because he is so ruthless and willing to do any order that the Jeon clan give to him. That kind of blind and unwavering devotion is frightening!

I also enjoyed writing Sungah and Jangmi. I think they're the only female characters in the story that have dialogue? Sungah has a great backstory that I unfortunately couldn't go into too much in the story, but it shaped her character a lot. I like how frank and intelligent she is—she holds her own even in a department filled with men that receive far more praise than she does simply because she is a woman. She also allowed me to add an angle about the unfair treatment of women in jobs that have power, drawing parallels with how Taehyung faces discrimination from his fellow officers when his sexuality is abruptly revealed during the investigation. As for Jangmi, I just liked writing about the wife of a mob boss! And not one that is simply a trophy wife, but actually has a lot of power and influence across the city. I wish I had been able to feature her more, alongside her husband, Jeon himself. But I like the scenes they appear in and I enjoyed writing them.

For the rest of the members, I had Namjoon and Hoseok [BTS J-Hope/Jung Hoseok]'s characters planned right from the start. I had also created plans for Yoongi and Seokjin [BTS Jin/Kim Seokjin], but I wasn't sure how much of a role they would play in the overall story. As I started writing them, I realised that Yoongi would play an important role in both Taehyung and Jimin's character development, and so he ended up featuring a lot more than I had expected. I planned their jobs and then let them influence how I would write them. Namjoon and Hoseok's characters came naturally. Yoongi's character completely took over his job role and basic description and became a really strong character that I'm proud of. Seokjin was a little trickier because he doesn't appear in too many scenes—but the scenes he does are integral to the plot. I needed to make sure that his character said everything he needed to in his limited scenes. He has quite the bombshell to drop after all! Seokjin was also tricky because I wanted him to have an air of mystery around him. I wanted him to be the kind of guy that not even Taehyung and his police connections would be able to unearth much about; a ghost in the system. I would've also liked for him to feature more in the story, but I feel like his character appeared in the essential scenes that the story needed. He was going to feature more in the planned sequel, being one of the first characters to appear alongside Yoongi. He was going to serve an important role, so I'm disappointed that I didn't get to show those scenes to readers.

With Namjoon, I wanted to portray him as a mature character, but not one that was conservative and stiff. I thought about having him say things like 'man' but that seemed too casual and didn't suit his character. 'Man' made him seem more like a surfer than a police officer. But when he said 'brother' in one of the scenes, I realised the word suited him better. It was fraternal, and it allowed him to show some affection towards the other characters without having to have physical contact with them. It's not the only Namjoon I've written that says 'brother' a lot. In Valentino Summers, Namjoon has experience with hippies in the neighbourhood that he lives in, so he also refers to other characters like Jimin as 'brother.' It just seems to suit him! I guess it's because I like creating Namjoon characters that are intelligent and mature, but still have a gentle and warm presence. I could picture him saying it in real life (I'm certain he already has!)

When writing serious subject matter, I'm surprised to admit that I was never shocked by what I was writing! I guess it's because I already knew that I was going to be handling dark themes. I wouldn't have tackled such subjects had I not felt comfortable doing so. Dark content isn't for everyone, and by that I don't simply mean consuming it. Creating it can be very difficult for some writers, and can even cause distress. It's not easy diving into a world that is filled with crime, pain and fear. It's even harder putting yourself into the shoes of a character that is suffering/has suffered. I was never writing in a desensitised state though. Far from it. I'm actually very sensitive to violence in reality. In fiction, it depends on the violence—but I'm usually not too affected by it. I've been a fan of horror since I was a child, and so I've seen a lot of nasty films filled with gore and 'shocking' deaths that never really had much of an effect on me. Unrealistic violence doesn't scare me. But when it comes to personal violence, that is always frightening to me. It's far scarier writing a scene where a character feels threatened by another character and doesn't know what is going to happen to them then, say, writing a scene of a character dying a bloody, ridiculous death in a horror story. Personal violence is much more realistic, therefore it is more unsettling to write. In House of Cards, the violence is very personal. It's in your face, it's inescapable for the characters that are involved in it. But at no point did I ever feel like I needed to stop writing because I was uncomfortable or scared by the content. If I had been uncomfortable, it would have been very reckless of me to continue writing the story.

My word of advice to fellow dark content writers: it's always important to recognise your own boundaries. There's nothing wrong with removing dark content from a story if you get a bad vibe or feel strange when writing/reviewing it. Always follow your gut instincts and never put out work that you don't like.

When writing stories, I vary between titling the chapters and leaving them blank. For House of Cards, I cannot remember the exact method for naming the chapters. Sometimes, the title comes to me when I am writing the plans and I have an idea that just suits the mood of the chapter. Other times, I have finished the entire chapter and I have to spend some time reviewing the content to decide that the title will be. In some cases, I have finished most of a whole story and I'm still not certain what to title it! I feel like with House of Cards, the titles came after the chapters were finished, or at least when they were works-in-progress.

There are some titles that really stand out to me. 'Nice Teeth' for example, is a really ridiculous title. Going into the chapter, I don't think many readers would've imagined what it could mean. 'Submachine Sodomy' is even funnier. I really can't believe I chose that as a title! I'll bet a lot of readers saw it and thought, "Oh no! Not another gunplay scene!" Luckily for them, it wasn't a reference to Jungkook's predilection for firearms in bed.

In terms of chapter titles that I really like: 'Delusions of Grandeur,' 'I Own This Fucking City,' 'Sleeping Dogs Bite' and 'Carpe-fucking-Diem.' I just feel like these titles are very well suited to the contents of the chapters. They are the kind of titles that have bite to them, that hint at action or an important plot point.

As for the open ending, there are a couple of reasons. First of all, I had planned to continue the story in a sequel that would pick up after the events of House of Cards, roughly a year on after the investigation. However, I did not pursue this sequel. I wanted House of Cards to end on an open note for the sequel to continue the story. When it comes to certain stories, I just feel that closed endings aren't always necessary. I often enjoy stories with open endings. With House of Cards, it didn't seem right just closing the book and saying it was over. There was still so much that needed to be explored. Unfortunately, I decided to not continue it. But I still think that House of Cards' ending fits the story.

Were there any scenes or moments or lines in House of Cards that you were particularly proud of or want to highlight?

If you were to write the Yoomin sequel to House of Cards, how would’ve that looked like?

How were readers’ reactions to your work in the beginning?

Did any reader comments stick with you in particular?

How did you take the criticisms and hatred towards House of Cards for its serious subject matter? When did those types of comments start appearing? Also, where did the hatred come from? Twitter? Tumblr? Ao3 comments? Did people harass you at all or hurt you? How did you heal from that?

House of Cards has a lot of scenes. I'm proud of most of them and I think I did the best I could when writing them. I do not really like the sex scenes, but that is because I wanted to write them in a dirty, sleazy way. If I could, I would change them. I like the action scenes, especially the Gold Monkey Casino and police raid scenes. Action scenes are hard to write! Fight scenes in particular are so tricky. I often sit there, choreographing the fights so I can describe them! I loved writing Yoongi's introduction to the story, when he walks into the scene wearing nothing but his underpants.

One scene that I really liked writing is the scene where Namjoon and Hoseok investigate the USB stick that Taehyung sends to them. I personally love Namjoon and Hoseok's characters. I always enjoyed writing them. In this scene, I liked getting to write them in a setting that was not the police department office. A scene where they got to relax and banter with each other, even though they were still working. They discover a horrifying crime ring in the city, but they are left with no choice but to keep it secret because they do not want to risk blowing Taehyung's cover. I do not know why I really like this scene, I just do.

In the sequel, which focused primarily on Jimin and Yoongi, the plans were to have them reunite through Seokjin—who has avoided jail time through a plea deal with the SMPA. They undergo a healing process together as they try to come to terms with what happened to them. Yoongi has a lot of unhealed trauma from his childhood, much like Jimin, which I only got to briefly touch upon in House of Cards. They grow closer from bonding over their traumatic experiences, and they become happier and healthier as a result. Taehyung and Seokjin were also going to be main characters, with Jungkook, Namjoon and Hoseok making supporting appearances over the duration of the story. It was going to be drastically different from House of Cards because it would be lacking in action and violence. It would have been much more intimate, with much more scenes of characters talking and discovering things about one another.

I cannot remember early reactions to the story, I just know they were positive. There was a lot of positive support from the start. As I updated and started to get more and more into the story, I received a lot of support on tumblr too. I started posting chapter previews there, as I used to get asks [On Tumblr, users are able to ask bloggers questions through an “Ask” function. This can be done anonymously or with their own blog username associated with the question.] requesting them. I got A LOT of asks on my original Tumblr from readers that wanted to discuss the characters and certain scenes. It was really interesting seeing just how much the readers were interested in the story, so much so that they wanted to learn even more about the characters and the universe I had created.

Through House of Cards, I have received comments and messages from readers that had addictions. They told me about how they recognised their own behaviors through Taehyung, and this helped them realise what was happening to them. Those comments stuck with me for obvious reasons. I have family members with addiction issues, and knowing that I could help some stranger I have never met before come to terms with their own addictive behaviours had a massive impact on me. Funnily enough, a negative comment stuck with me. It was not a bad comment, by no means meant to cause offence. It was a comment that was left on the story when I was posting the early chapters. I recall the reader asking when the story was going to pick up the pace because it was too slow. It stuck with me because, at this point in the story, Taehyung had already trained to become an undercover agent, had enrolled in the gang, had met and interacted with Jungkook, and had murdered a man. I was surprised that this amount of development had been seen as 'slow' by a reader, as I had thought the plot had been moving very fast.

I never really had any hate posted on the story when I was updating it. I got angry reactions when I had finished it. Because the story had not ended the way some readers had wanted, I think that was what caused the negative reactions. On my original Tumblr, I even got an ask about how an anon reader was going to write their own ending because my one was bad. I told them that I did not want them to take my story and change it like that. I have no idea if they ever posted the ending anywhere. The angry reactions were mostly from shippers, who were upset with the story not ending the way they had wanted. To them, I ask: what were you expecting from the story? I thought it was always obvious that Taehyung was going to do what he had set out to do from the start, so I do not think I misled readers at all. It was a story about an undercover agent taking down a gang—and that is what I wrote.

I know there was some animosity towards me on Twitter too. Twitter is a whirlpool of negativity, I am not surprised. Writing House of Cards made me appear problematic. My partner used to follow an author a long time back, who tweeted about me being problematic—despite having never interacted with me or admittedly read my stories. It was shocking to me that people were making assumptions of who I was as a person based on a story I created. I have never created stories with the aims of hurting or upsetting others. I am a very quiet and private person, and I hate the idea of hurting others. It was strange to me that people could assume me to be this cruel or even dangerous individual, intent on hurting others, because I created a fictional story. Do they think the same of script writers for television shows? Or film directors, who create films with dark subject matter? Do they think published authors are problematic people for writing dark and disturbing content? Do they think certain genres should not exist because they do not personally like them?

I do think it is strange that fan fiction writers are placed on these ridiculously high pedestals of moral absolutism. Fan fiction was created to be a space for creative outlet for marginalised individuals, particularly queer individuals. The heavy censorship of dark and unusual content is putting this entire ethos at danger. I understand not wanting to have certain topics included in stories because there is a risk that the content can be used for grooming or can be presented in a way that can negatively affect young consumers' perceptions (like pedophilia for example.) I certainly agree that there needs to be boundaries in place to stop the community from being flooded with such illegal content. But I think there is a difference between wanting to remove dangerous content, and wanting to get rid of content you do not like. Content can be problematic to you, but that does not make it dangerous, illegal, or bad. For some readers, the content they create is their way of dealing with trauma. Maybe this is not healthy for them. But that is their decision to make, not yours.

I orphaned the story because I did not want to handle the potential backlash. To put it simply, I do not handle negative criticism well. Not because I am stuck-up and think I am perfect, but because I am a very anxious person. Just reading angry comments makes me feel very uncomfortable, often nauseous. I know that House of Cards has received overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers, and for that I am thankful. But I had to distance myself for the sake of my own mental health. Since orphaning it, it exploded in popularity. I am thankful that I orphaned it because that amount of attention would frighten me a lot, haha~

What was your reaction to the fanfiction trailer by Sappiamur?

How did you come to the decision to reveal your real name in the end note of House of Cards?

How did you feel when you finished House of Cards?

How did you come to the decision to orphan House of Cards?

Did you ever anticipate the overwhelming fan reaction to House of Cards?

How do you feel knowing that House of Cards is one of the most read fanfictions on Ao3?

What do you want House of Cards to be remembered for?

What do you hope people take away from House of Cards?

Why do you think House of Cards became so popular?

I had to go back and watch it. It's been some time since I last have, and I'm still as amazed by it now as I was back then. The trailer is insane. I cannot imagine how much work went into making it. It's so good and it fits the vibes of the story to perfection. I think the first time I watched it, I was in shock. I must have repeated it at least 10 times in a row, just to make sure it was real and I wasn't imagining it. Then I think I screamed about it on my social media accounts, haha~ If you reading this have not watched the trailer, consider doing so. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Back when I first started posting fanfics, I used to get a lot of asks wanting to know my name, my pronouns, stuff like that. I thought by adding my name at the end of the stories, it would help cut down on these requests. But I also did so because I used to get a lot of asks referring to me as 'author-nim' and I didn't like being addressed by this honorific. I'm not Korean so I have no right to receive that honorific. So, I included my real name so readers could address me with it when sending me asks and interacting with me. I don't add my name at the end of my stories now, but my name is in my Twitter bio for those that want to know.

When I finished it, I felt relieved! I was so calm in the moment! Looking back on it, I can't remember much. But I do remember finishing House of Cards without any issues. The final chapters flowed smoothly, it all clicked into place, and I had a great time writing them.

I came to the decision to orphan the story after several nights of contemplation. I was considering deleting the story, along with a few others, but my partner and some friends told me I shouldn't do so. They suggested orphaning it instead. So, I did so. I didn't want to delete it in case readers that had started it had not gotten to finish it yet. I would've felt very mean robbing them of the opportunity to finish the story like that. I don't regret orphaning it instead of deleting it. I didn't want to destroy the story, I just needed some distance between me and the story.

I didn't anticipate it, and I still don't understand it! I'm shocked that House of Cards got the reaction that it received. Do I think it's a good story? Yes, I think that I worked hard to create a story that is enjoyable to read. But did I ever think it would get the reaction it did? Not in a million years! I thought that it would be one of my more popular stories because a) the pairings and b) the content. Gang stories usually tend to get a lot of attention because it's a popular genre in fanfiction. I just didn't expect it to reach such a vast amount of hits, kudos and comments.

I'm in shock that it is one of the most read stories on AO3. I don't think I will ever be able to create another story that will garner that kind of attention and feedback. It's a once in a lifetime thing, so I'm immensely proud of myself for achieving such a feat. But really, it's all because of the readers that it achieved such a goal. I'm so thankful for every single one of them.

I just want it to be remembered for being enjoyable, I think. I don't have any grand and lofty ambitions for the story. I think so long as the readers enjoyed it, that is all that matters.

I'm not sure what I would like readers to take away from House of Cards. I guess I want them to reflect on the idea of morality and that not everything is black-and-white. Good people can do bad things, and bad things can happen to good people. It's hard to answer this question because House of Cards isn't a story that I consider to have deep messages in it? There are no messages about acceptance and love and healthy relationships and such, like some of my other stories.

Honestly? I don't know what made it get so popular. I assume it's because of the pairings or the setting of the story. I know that a lot of readers say they love the story because of how well it's written, but I can't comment on that as the creator, haha~ I can't say my story is well-written as I'm not consuming it from an outside perspective. What I can say is that I do think I created a story that has a lot of twists and turns and betrayals, which I think adds to the enjoyment factor.

How are you now in 2020? Are you writing professionally in real life at all? 

How do you feel BTS fanfiction has changed over time? Since you’ve been writing for it for so long. 

Do you have any messages for people who may read this interview in the future?

I'm not writing professionally. I have self-published two books via Amazon and Lulu. One was a basic re-branding of my story babes in the woods. The other was a total rewrite of Brotherhood, which I called 'Brothers,' featuring a whole new setting and roster of characters. I published them as readers showed an interest in reading original stories. I have been considering rewriting House of Cards as an original work in the future, but I can't say for certain that I will do so.

Since I started writing, I think there's been a lot of changes in the fandom—not only in fanfiction but in general. There's been popular trends that have come and gone (I was around for the explosion of social media and text-based AUs, which I personally am not a fan of) but there's also been a lot of push for more inclusive content. I'm really happy by the amount of inclusive content that I see these days. Despite some pushback from non-queer fans that sometimes have an issue with queer subject matter (for example, trans characters) I think it's wonderful that artists of all colours, genders and sexualities are now proudly creating content they want to see, and not simply just what is 'in demand' from the fandom.

The message that I would like to share with readers of this interview is: stay healthy, stay happy, and most importantly, stay you. I also want to take this moment to tell them this - if you are considering becoming a creator, but you are worried about reception to your work, or that it might not be good enough, stop right now! Stop doubting yourself and just give it a shot! I was once like you, scared that my weird and niche interests and writing would be ignored or even mocked by the fandom because no one would like it. Had I not decided to take the plunge, my life would be so drastically different. I've made so many friends, fallen in love, and completely changed my life by creating fan content. It can be scary, but once you take the leap, you will find your feet coming down on solid earth without any danger.

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmseoul’s Fanlore project.

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