#exrayspex

[animoogus]

When I was little I saw a movie or smth on tv about a boy who got pregnant from peeing against a magic tree and he had to give birth by barfing the thing up.

It upset me so much. It HAUNTED me. I was too young to remember much of it but I remember feeling so awful abt this kid just being tricked? Punished? into getting pregnant and everyone else in the room was just like oh you, it's just a silly wacky movie.

Well the other day I finally found out it was REAL and not a shameful figment of my imagination, and that Australia is to blame for it!!!

It's from a series called Round the Twist and I'm sure it's charming but boy. Being an adult does NOT make this any less horrifying bc this time around I'm having Adult Feelings of this kid got tricked into tree spirit sex and PREGNANCY and OH GOOD, he's 13!

And it's all played for laughs but I fully feel like I'm watching a teen rape & pregnancy drama complete with "oh god, how am I gonna tell my parents" and "I CAN'T push out a baby, what if I DIE" it's SO BAD. I can't imagine what everyone working on this was thinking, to me all the wacky "this puke-baby tree magic would never happen🤪" (and some admittedly funny gags) is not enough to take away from the teen pregnancy horror that does happen 😭 it's SO MUCH 😭

In a way, finally finding & facing this kind of healed me LMAO. Godspeed to Pete Twist & also whoever worked on it, I hope you're not haunted by forced teen barfbaby mpreg like I was.

On the plus(?) side, this is what the baby looks like

[writinglizards]

geralt/jaskier 64 + 40 from the sensory prompts!

Y’all can have ONE more prompt tonight. As a treat.

64. Violet bruised eyes + 40. Gritty eyes when you stare into fire too long

Neither of them have been able to sleep. They're not talking about it.

"Pass me the waterskin?"

"Hm."

It's been...almost three days. Geralt caves first.

"Come over here."

"Huh?" Jaskier pulls the waterskin away from his lips, rubs at his mouth with the back of his hand. The crescents under his eyes are dark violet, like a bruise.

"Come here."

Jaskier stiffens. "Why."

"Because," Geralt huffs out, exhausted, "I'm tired. And I'm tired of pretending." It's one part guilt, two parts sleep deprivation. Jaskier hasn't curled at his back in three nights.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jaskier assures, but his hands shake as he caps the waterskin, sets it aside. They've both been affected by the change in sleeping arrangements, the painful awkwardness that hangs in the air. It reflects in the bags under Jaskier's eyes, the snappish edge to Geralt's voice.

It had been one kiss. Jaskier had been a little drunk, had been a little too handsy, and Geralt had been...enjoying it. He'd let it go too far and Jaskier had...kissed him. Full on the mouth, sloppy and sweet like the wine they'd been drinking, and Geralt had frozen. He'd taken too long to respond and Jaskier had pulled away and apologized.

Nothing's been the same since.

"Please," he whispers, eyes burning. It's from staring into the fire too long, he tells himself. It's not the fear that Jaskier will disappear the minute they reach the next town, still thinking Geralt doesn't want him.

Jaskier exhales noisily. "Geralt--"

"Please," he repeats, voice small. He doesn't want to hear Jaskier say it's okay. It's not okay. It hasn't been okay in days.

He sighs again, but he stands, comes to a stop in front of Geralt.

"What?" he asks when Geralt tips his head back to look at him. He shifts a little, nervous.

Geralt holds out his hand, tentative. He's worried Jaskier won't take it, will pull away. Instead, he just rolls his eyes and, after a brief hesitation, catches his fingers in his own, squeezes gently.

"What do you want, Geralt?"

"You," he says, tugs him gently forward and down into his lap, "and I didn't mean to make you think I didn't."

"Geralt--" he trails off, voice catching, but he lets himself be held, cradled against Geralt's chest, strong arms around his back.

"You...it scares me, Jaskier," he whispers into the top of his hair, "how badly I want you." He presses a kiss to the top of his head, unable to help himself. "And I miss you."

"I'm right here," he says, voice watery. His lips brush Geralt's throat, a barely there kiss.

He cups his face in one broad palm, runs the pad of his thumb under the dark circle under his eye. "You know what I mean."

Jaskier gives a shaky sigh. "I miss you, too."

Geralt kisses him first, this time. It's slow and hesitant, careful like he's always been with Jaskier. It's so important he gets this right. Jaskier gasps against his lips, fists curling in the linen of his shirt, tugging just a little, just that much closer.

They part on a gasp but don't go far. Jaskier presses his forehead against Geralt's, keeps his eyes closed. "Tell me I'm not dreaming," he begs, voice rough in a way that makes Geralt's gut burn.

He kisses him again, slow and gentle. "You're not dreaming."

[bomberqueen17]

"she eats them" and all the context pops into my head and gets me laughing at least once a week! every bit of context makes it more funny. possessed horse who's actually just an asshole. geralt's absolutely ridiculous dedication to the fucking joke (dude you are half DEAD). the bafflement of everyone when he tells them. the healer's message-delivery method. jaskier's reaction when he finally gets it. geralt doing All That to show jaskier is important to him. it's just *chef's kiss*

[I’m still going through responses to the askmeme from way last week ago, I am really enjoying drawing it out and thanks y’all for indulging me. :)]

I really had so much fun with that. Little Fishie was originally intended to be rather a short story, but when I got to the end of that first bit and Geralt still hadn’t explained the meaning of the horse’s name to Jaskier, I realized that it should be the punchline, and I should have it come at some moment of tremendous duress, and, well. It kind of snowballed, the story’s over 40k.

I think the part I liked most was having an excuse to write Geralt laughing so hard he couldn’t speak. You don’t get a lot of that with him, and I was just delighted I could plausibly manage it.

(Also it was a fantastic excuse to have an outsider POV of Geralt being dramatic as fuck, literally dying and blood everywhere and he’s so blasé about it.)

“That’s the solution to the riddle,” Jaskier said. “The riddle that I don’t know what the riddle even  was. The riddle you had to tell me on your deathbed! But only the answer to! Are you trying to kill me now?”

Gerat was laughing too hard now to answer, and only a small coughing fit finally reined him in. “Come on,” he said, a little feebly, waving a hand, “come on, Jaskier. What did I promise to tell you, but only if you lived? What have you been pestering me to know, for literal years now?”

“I don’t know!” Jaskier said, flinging his hands wide. “Why are you laughing? What’s so funny?”

“Come on,” Geralt said. “You taught me all of those poetical terms about it.”

“Poetical terms,” Jaskier said, baffled.

Geralt considered it, now. To name a horse after a notable foodstuff she preferred, was that a metaphor? “I suppose it is metonymy,” he said.

“Roach,” Jasker shouted suddenly, and it was a good thing horses didn’t particularly care about answering to their names. It was also a good thing there weren’t likely to be necrophages in these woods, or anything else for that matter, because they could have heard him for miles. “Oh by the  gods, that’s it? That’s  it? She  eats  them?”

“She eats them,” Geralt said.

“Aargh,” Jaskier said, flinging his arms wide, and then flopping back against the log he had his back propped against. “Argh oh by Melitele’s  tits  I can’t believe you made me wait  years  for that stupid punchline!”

Geralt was laughing too hard to answer, and after a moment Jaskier started laughing too. “You ass,” he managed to gasp, after a little while. “You fucking  ass.”

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

2, 16, 27

Thanks, lovely!!

2- Do you name your wip before, during, or after writing? It definitely depends on the wip. Good as Gold almost didn't have a proper title even when I posted the first chapter, cat!jask has a title and I've written less than 2k for it. I have another fic that I haven't even finished plotting but it has a title. Though, I will say I am LUCKY if a fic has a title prior to posting.

16- Post a plot twist to a wip of your choice, but don’t say what wip it’s in I don't know that any of my fics have plot twists in them? I'm not clever enough for that.

27- Hardest wip you’ve written? Is it premature to say cat!Jask? I've never had a fic fight back so hard and I'm on chapter 1.

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

your winter fic was so sweet and cute! it is also how i found out that in the uk you guys don't generally have coffee makers and therefore use instant coffee usually (jask made his coffee like that and i was like ???? did he put the grounds in the mug?? wtf). had to stop in the middle of the fic to demand answers from my friends in bath

Ahh thank you so much! <3

I know a couple of people with those pod-style coffee makers, and using french presses or coffee dripper thingies, but by and large I guess most people just use instant coffee (I ahhh really hate coffee unless its mixed with piles of hot chocolate powder so I am not an expert, lol)

(also Bath is great, love it)

[limerental]

every time i read geralt has toe fungus i hear it in the burger king foot lettuce guy voice. thanks

yeah same vibes as Geralt has toe fungus

[beachgothgay]

if you played mmos would you be a dps main, tank main, or healer main?

I really love doing heals, but I always end up going melee DPS. Tanking is fun but it’s a lot of responsibility and I just can’t handle it lmao. My main in WoW was a Ret Paladin 

[gayerluke]

30, 67, 73

30. Ever drink from the toilet? i keep my toilet lids down because i’m not an animal

67. Describe why they are precious. there’s literally no other cat out there like him, for better or for worse. when i first met him i was working in a clinic & he came in with horrible injuries (likely burns) from abuse/neglect. but the reason i fell in love with him was because he was absolutely the sweetest, most affectionate cat i’d ever met, even when he was terribly ill. he just wanted to rub his disgusting wounds all over you. how could i resist that.

73. Favorite noise to make? besides the purr he also like to mrrph & mrow.

[echoequinox]

for fanfic trope meme: you're absolutely bedsharing/only one bed 100%. with a side of mutual pining and enemies-to-lovers

GOD you’re so fucking right fjsdkalfdjasfksdlaf thank you so much

[animoogus]

@exrayspex asked me if a lusus would fit through the normal doors and I said you know what? You're so right. So I made a special lusus entrance on the side of the house, that leads to a lusus area connected to the living room.

With a chair for Karkat to sit on and read to Crabdad 😌or whatever they do. And a ball in case lusi like to play with balls lmao. And poop cleaning equipment 👍

[motherboxing]

i play a DnD mmo, neverwinter online, and spotted someone playing a Shayera Thal the other day! made me think of you lol. they had her as a tiefling scourge warlock, what do you think on accuracy for that?

So I don’t know much about Neverwinter Online and I was like “warlock seems like an odd choice for Shayera Thal” but then I looked up the game’s classes and:

The Scourge Warlock in the Neverwinter MMORPG is a character class focused on tearing into a single powerful enemy. They have some powers that affect multiple creatures but the true power of the Scourge Warlock shines when they are focused on a single enemy. They can’t withstand a lot of punishment but can deal a lot of damage. Scourge Warlocks make ideal characters for players that want to focus on the most powerful of enemies to both damage and weaken them.

so that actually sounds basically exactly right! Hawkwoman in a game like that should be an offensive character, and depending on your interpretation of the comics probably something of a glass cannon.

I’m not generally a fan of the D&D race categories and how they’re utilized, and Neverwinter Online seems to keep in that tradition, but I will say that I am definitely into an AU Shayera Thal who has, like, big demon horns, that’s pretty cool in my book. Whoever made this character has my utterly meaningless stamp of approval! 

[writinglizards]

woman jask 👀👀👀👀

OKAY disclaimer: I have not worked on this since Dec. I DO plan on coming back to it eventually!!! This is from the beginning.

"Geralt!" The high-pitched shout combined with the spike of panic Geralt picks up in the air a split second later has him whirling back towards the empty room where he'd left his bard, with little consideration for his own safety.

"Jaskier!" It's not quite a shout, but it's close, "Jaskier, what the fuck--" his words die in his throat as he rounds the corner, hand falling away from the hilt of his sword.

In the middle of the room, eyes wide and terrified, is a woman, clothed in Jaskier's pretty gold doublet and trousers. Her hair's short, like the bard's and her eyes are the same endless shade of blue.

"Geralt?" she asks, voice trembling, and the world crashes down around him.

"What the <i>fuck</i> Jaskier?" because it's Jaskier, alright.

"I don't know," he says, voice too high, too breathy. He sounds like he might be on the verge of a panic attack, just a bit. "I just, there was this little necklace over there and it looked so <i>pretty</i>..."

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

12 n 27 :)

Thank youuu!! 

12. longest fic you read this year The Brothel Verse by @valdomarx​ I think. I don’t read a lot of long fics bc I don’t have time. 

27. best fandom moment of the year This video.

[exrayspex]

been playing first class trouble a lot, which means voice chatting, and when i'm not in a group that's all people i already know i s2g every other game i get:

"aRe YoU a bOy or A gIrL"

or "oh my god your voice is so nice/sexy"

or "HOLY FUCK IT'S A REAL LIFE GIRL GAMER WTF. OMG GIRL GAMER GAMER GIRL"

or "lmao whatever bro you're definitely twelve, fuckin squeaker"

like all four reactions with shockingly even distribution and honestly what the fuck lol. it is simply my voice. shoutout to my neverwinter friends who will just immediately murder anyone who does either of the last two though, that's always fun

[beachgothgay]

do you prefer to play as a tank, healer, or dps?

OOOO I like being dps cause I don’t have to worry about anything except getting high numbers. Tank and healer are cool but I can’t handle the pressure.

[gayerluke]

exrayspex replied to your post: does anyone live in pdx & if so can you tell me...

I don’t live there but from what i’ve heard the entirety of pdx falls into the wildly overpriced range

yeahhhh i mean i’m expecting that, i guess i just meant like. idk, if there are any secret good places. really my only criterium is that it has to be far enough from my mom’s house that i dont have to see her every day.