#facts about the crabby princess

[voraciousvore]

Giganterra (Chapter 24)

Prologue/ TOC | Previous (23) | Next (25)

Content Warning: soft, safe, unwilling vore; vulgar language

Word Count: 2k

------ Chapter 24: Where Fantasies Die ------

Gio was surprised to wake up in the morning and find his arm was healing. The bone was firm and didn’t hurt anymore. He didn’t need the splint. He was even able to rotate his arm without significant pain, just mild tenderness. So, the giantess had been telling him the truth when she claimed to be healing him. This fact didn’t change his view of her, but it did puzzle him. He could only conclude that she wanted to keep him alive in one piece so that she could torture him more. 

A shadow darkened the house full of tiny men, and Gio and Graham trembled. The giantess raised the roof and surveyed them thoughtfully. Cesar beamed up at her and waved. 

“Good morning, my lovely princess!” he greeted her, twirling energetically. “Are you looking for a handsome accessory to complete your wardrobe? Look no further: Here I am!” 

Bianca scoffed as she looked down at the tiny dancing fool. She didn’t want to indulge him, as charming as he was, and she worried she may get too attached if she encouraged him more. Her eyes roved over Gio, but she believed she had tormented him enough. Besides, his arm was probably not fully healed; he needed more time. The only logical choice was Graham. She snatched him up, indifferent to his cries, and locked him into the latch of her necklace. She shut the lid of the habitat and left for her morning lessons. 

Gio felt sorry for Graham, but he was nonetheless relieved that he hadn’t been chosen. Cesar, on the other hand, was upset. He flopped down on the couch and crossed his arms with irritation. “What am I doing wrong, Gio?” he asked forlornly. “Why doesn’t she want me?” 

“You’re an idiot,” Gio remarked, shaking his head. 

“But Graham is an idiot too, and she favors him,” Cesar whined. 

“No, you dunce! I meant you’re blind to reality.” Cesar stared at him blankly, not comprehending his meaning. “Isn’t it obvious? She’s a manipulator and an abuser. She wants us all to suffer, so she won’t give you what you desire. She doesn’t care about you, or me, or Graham. We exist solely for her entertainment.” 

“But she must care a little bit, if she healed you. She didn’t have to do that,” Cesar argued. 

“Cesar. Cesar.” Gio massaged his temples. His temper spiked, but he stayed patient; he was used to giving advice and explaining his reasoning, as a former advisor to King Charles. “This is a classic pattern of abusive behavior. Can you not see that? She perpetuates her cruelties, expresses remorse, and then what? Keeps performing more deplorable acts. It’s a vicious cycle and it only makes me hate her more.” 

“Hmph.” Cesar didn’t have a good answer to Gio’s logic. He wanted to believe that the gorgeous giantess had some good in her, that he could tame her, but he had to admit his faith in her was waning. However, he wasn’t ready to give up so easily. She wouldn’t ignore him forever. “We’ll see,” he retorted lamely. 

“Sure. Whatever.” Gio frowned with frustration. He didn’t feel like arguing with Cesar any longer, and the two men lapsed into silence as they receded into themselves. Gio had been on reasonably friendly terms with Cesar before their trip to Giganterra, as fellow servants to the human king, but now there was a significant wedge between them. He was increasingly annoyed with Cesar’s blind stupidity. Cesar regarded Gio as a stick in the mud. He was crabby for not getting his way and in denial about Bianca. 

There wasn’t much to do in their enclosure while Bianca was gone. Cesar, who had trouble sitting still when he was bored, entertained himself by juggling small objects, climbing on the furniture and up the walls, and challenging himself with difficult acrobatic tricks. Gio sat in a sullen hush, observing Cesar will rising irritation at his childish behavior. Cesar attempted to make conversation with Gio and lighten the mood by telling jokes and reciting amusing limericks, just as he would when entertaining King Charles as the court jester, but Gio couldn’t muster a single chuckle over his performance. Cesar wasn’t bothered or deterred, however, as he usually got the same lackluster response from the human king. When he was unable to coax Gio into talking or laughing, Cesar decided to sing instead while walking around on his hands. Gio groaned and laid down facing the wall. 

The princess returned a few hours later. She was moody after flunking the new tutor’s test. She popped Graham out of her necklace and rolled him around in her fingers for a few moments, examining him. Graham, defeated and exhausted, dangled listlessly in her fingers. Bianca pouted. She was bored of this limp toy and decided she wanted another one, with fresh fighting energy. She came over to the house, opened the roof, and plopped Graham inside on his behind. He slumped in the same spot where she left him, boring holes into the floor with a thousand-yard stare. 

“Who wants to join me for lunch?” Bianca asked in a harsh tone, looking over the other two men. Gio paled and backed up into the corner, smashing his body into the walls as if he hoped to disappear. Cesar showed off his pearly whites in his most brilliant, unctuous smile. 

“I’d be delighted, my princess,” he expressed. After a pause, he added a hopeful, “Please?” 

Bianca stared at him, surveying his tiny bare form coolly from his head to his toes. Finally, she relented. “Fine.” Cesar grinned joyously as her gigantic, elegant fingers, long and dainty with polished nails, wrapped around him and lifted him out of the house up to her face. Cesar basked in her seductive splendor, inhaling the pleasant feminine fragrance of her perfume, which smelled like rose petals. She narrowed her eyes, squishing his face between her fingers and rotating his head to get a better look at him. 

“Chester claims you taste nasty. Is that true?” She opened her hand and released her hold on his head so he could speak. 

Cesar was disarmed by her statement but sought to defend himself. “That lunkhead doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m sure I taste fabulous. I mean, just look at me! Don’t I look like I’d please the palate?” He pirouetted gracefully in her hand, showing off his limber physique. Bianca raised a sculpted brow and smirked. 

“I suppose there’s only one way to find out,” she replied. She raised the man up to her full lips, which parted slightly as she anticipated tasting him. Cesar’s heart beat faster as he admired the comely features of her immense face. He yearned to taste her lips even more than she yearned to taste his manly flesh. 

He reached out his hands and touched his fingers reverently to her red bottom lip, tracing the pleasing, soft texture. He felt her gentle breath on his skin and beheld the glistening white walls of her teeth. He quivered from all the stimulation. Her massive tongue emerged from the dark maw, beckoning for him to enter. The thick, fleshy mass of pink slithered down to her hand and caressed him, sliding over his legs, over the lump of his groin all the way up his chest. Cesar moaned softly, pressing his palms and body into the squishy wet surface with euphoria. 

The tongue recoiled back between the lips, which shut firmly, blocking the entrance to the giant mouth. Bianca’s face wrinkled into a grimace as she pulled away. “Ugh! You taste foul!” 

“What?” Cesar whined, his dreams dashed to splinters. 

Bianca spat and crinkled her nose. “I should’ve listened to Chester. You’re repulsive! Yuck!” 

“That can’t be... I don’t believe it. I can’t be THAT bad!” 

“Believe it. You taste rancid, like rotten meat.” 

“Can’t you just... slather me with barbeque sauce, or something?” 

“I don’t like barbeque sauce,” Bianca sniffed, turning up her nose. 

“Well, it doesn’t HAVE to be that! Any condiment! Mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, relish? Ranch? Marinade? Vinaigrette?” Bianca curled her lip in disgust. “Alfredo? Pesto? Soy sauce? Cocktail sauce? French dip? Broth? Hot sauce? Worcestershire? Hollandaise? Tartar sauce? Dry rubs?” Cesar rattled off every sauce, dressing, and seasoning he could conjure up, but Bianca continued to shake her head. “Come on, woman, work with me here! I’m willing to be eaten, so let me in!” 

“No,” the picky princess answered.  

Cesar’s expression warped with annoyance at her stubbornness. “Don’t be so difficult!” 

Bianca didn’t deign to answer. She tossed him back into the house and turned her attention to Gio. “You’ll have to do, little man.” 

Gio gasped and scurried back into his corner, clawing at the walls with desperation. “No, please!” Bianca’s massive hand reached down, blocking out the light as she encompassed him in her hand. “NOOOOO!” 

“Yes,” she replied simply. She ordered her maid to bring her a repast.  

While she waited, Gio begged and pleaded frantically to be let go. “Haven’t you tortured me enough? My arm isn’t fully healed yet! You’ll hurt me!” he rationalized, giving her the most soulful gaze he could muster to sway her. 

“I don’t care,” Bianca responded coldly. She wouldn’t allow herself to be tempted by flimsy feelings this time. It wasn’t as difficult as she anticipated, to simply throw her empathy out the window. Besides, she got a huge rush from dominating the small man. “I’ll give you more healing potion.” She dripped a drop of the tangerine potion on his arm and the blueberry anti-digestion potion on his head. 

“Spare me, I implore you! I-I thought you were a kind person! This is barbaric behavior, unseemly for a regal lady such as yourself!” 

Bianca glared down at him with smoldering wrath. “Watch your tongue, you insignificant maggot. Unless you want me to chew you up when I eat you,” she snarled, baring her teeth. Gio clammed up, his face draining of color.  He began to shake all over as the maid walked in with a lunch tray containing a fresh garden salad, hot soup, and a meaty sandwich. The giantess considered each item before opting for the sandwich. 

“Find compassion in your heart… please… not again...” Gio attempted one last supplication as the oversized sandwich opened in front of him. Colossal fingers tucked him into an expansive bed of sliced deli meat. He was covered with a sheet of lettuce and compressed between two slices of rye bread, several feet thick and impossibly wide. Gio seasoned himself with salty tears as he grappled to escape, but Bianca grasped the sandwich tight around him with her hands so he couldn’t crawl out. The weight of the toppings heaped upon him—sliced tomato, cheese, pickles, and onion—pinned his small body down with suffocating mass. 

The giantess opened her mouth wide and took a bite large enough to completely engulf the human. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the horrors as her teeth cut through the thick sandwich layers surrounding him with a resounding crunch. She processed the rest of the sandwich with her teeth, careful not to crush Gio between her molars. She nibbled his limbs and torso playfully, making sure not to bite down hard enough to injure him, as she enjoyed his flavor before swallowing him whole. 

Cesar was fuming as he watched Gio get devoured alive. He resented the giantess for rejecting him, insulting him, and refusing to compromise. Also, he hated to see Gio suffer even more, when he had done nothing wrong. His heart rankled at the perceived injustice. 

“You know… I don’t think I like her anymore,” Cesar mumbled, addressing Graham, who hadn’t moved from his position on the floor. 

Graham snapped out of his daze, surprised by the dramatic change of heart. He looked up at Cesar. “Fucking finally!” 

Chapter 25

[squishsquonk]

another psa;

[shoutogepi]

Taking Care of Their Drunk S/O After a Girls’ Night Out

with Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou 

genre : [ ☀︎ ]  fluff!! & a tiny bitta steam~

hc prompt : how would he take care of you if you come home wasted after a girls’ night out?

author’s note : this is my first time writing headcanons!! idk if this is good hc material but lemme know what you think! :) **gif not mine!!

bakugou:

first of all, blasty is annoyed that you’re going out and ditching his elderly ass at home. it’s a wednesday night so who in their right mind would be going to the club?? sure it’s your close friend’s birthday but they couldn’t just push the celebration to the weekend like a normal person?

sure you have work tomorrow but you’re young enough and it’s your friend’s birthday, they just went through a breakup so you just wanna be there for them, physically and emotionally. and bakugou gets that, but he’s still gonna be crabby about it cuz he usually drags you into bed at like ten pm.

more importantly, he likes to have you tucked up in his arms, nose in your hair and tbh your ass on his crotch. it’s just so much easier to fall asleep knowing you’re safe and there with him, and even though he complains about it, the sound of your gentle snores really lull him into slumber.

therefore he has a hard time falling asleep just because you’re not with him, but then the fact that he’s in his large bed and you’re out and about, looking killer in that sexy clubbing number... he’s gnashing his teeth and twisting in the sheets no doubt. knowing you’re most likely very far from sober doesn't really help either. and just thinking of all the creeps that’re probably eyeing up every inch of skin, every curve hugged perfectly by that black sleek dress he usually loves but really despises right now… ugh, he just can’t sleep with his blood boiling like this.

so of course he’s still awake, very agitated may i add, when scratching noises at the door start at two thirty in the morning.

you’re pathetically attempting to open the front door, but the key to the apartment is almost identical to the lobby key and then… the elevator key is there too and oh my goshhh the mailbox key is so small it’s hilarious!! like it’s a baby or something and idk you’re just vibing, laughing at the mini object drunk off your ass.

and a disgruntled katsuki swings the door wide open while you’re giggling at your fucking keychain like an idiot.

caught like a deer in headlights, your expression actually makes his frown melt into an amused smirk, the corner of his lip twitching upwards. “hey dopey, what’s so funny?”

shaking off the embarrassment, you throw your arms into the air and close your eyes, a great big grin on your lips as you loudly cheer his name.

katsuki has a huge weak spot for you and you just look so genuinely happy to see him that he doesn’t bother to make fun of you further, he just slips an arm around your waist and gathers you inside.

he asks how your night was while he bends down to take off your shoes, instructing you to lean on the door for support because you’re all wobbly and clearly not capable of standing upright on your own. god, how did you even make it back by yourself in one piece?

once the shoes are off, he scoops you up like you weigh nothing. years of training have paid off, i mean, his biceps are probably the same circumference as your skull so… it makes sense that he’s able to carry you so easily but it still blows your mind every time he does it.

sets you on the edge of the bed, kissing your forehead when you ask if he’s always had such sparkly eyes. oh, how they shine in the moonlight. lmao you’re a cheesy drunk. he shakes it off with the classic bakugou tch but you know deep down he loves it.

he takes off your constrictive clothing so all you’re left in is your underwear, and yeah his eyes linger because you’re literally perfect to him. but it’s like three am now and he just wants to get you ready for bed, so he puts one of his ground zero shirts on you because he doesn’t trust himself to not escalate the situation with you sitting naked in front of him like that.

has you sit on the sink counter in the bathroom while he hands you your toothbrush, toothpaste already squeezed out and bristles wettened. as you very sloppily brush your teeth, complaining about how the mint flavor is “too spicy”, he’s busy getting out the makeup remover and wipes.

he watches you do your little routine every night so he’s well versed in what to do. he ties your hair back and you’re surprised, like, how does he know how to tie a girl’s hair?? you figure it’s from past experience so you let him know your thoughts.

he’s red from ear to ear with blush, and he adamantly explains that “it’s not that hard to do, smartass, i didn’t learn from that.”

is all pouty and grumbly as he swipes the cotton pad across your face but his touch is sweet and so careful, loving. you lean into him like a cat, and he gets even redder because fuck you’re really cute.

after you’re done brushing your teeth, katsuki hands you a glass of water and tells you to drink it, or else you’re not getting any cuddles tonight.

“slow down dopey— i didn’t mean all in one go!”

he puts on your skincare stuff too, and he even rubs it into your skin in the right direction and pressure.

you just kinda sit there and then suddenly you’re tearing up because your man is so considerate ?? and gentle?? and he’s just, ugh, perfect and all yours and you’re just really in your feelings all the sudden.

katsuki is shook when he stops focusing on rubbing the moisturizer into your neck to see tears gathering along your lower lashes.

“hey, what’s wrong, princess? did something happen? do you feel alright?”

you just pull him close and hold him tight. and katsuki is the smartest guy you know, he picks up all your social cues. so he softly wraps his strong arms around you, calloused fingers rubbing into your scalp.

“i just really love you,” you whimper, muffled his now damp shirt. “i’m sorry for keeping you up, i meant to just sneak in and slide into bed. you don’t have to do all this.”

he’s quiet for a moment before he squeezes you carefully, letting out a low sigh. “you worry too much, baby. you know i’d do anything for you...” he leans back and his thumb rolls over your wet cheek, eyes half lidded and a small, sincere smile on his lips, “and, i really love you too.”

kirishima:

kiri isn’t really the type to get super overprotective, and he does his fair share of partying so he is more than understanding when you tell him you’re going to the club with the girls.

he does pout a little when you tell him he can’t come, but he quickly accepts the fact because he understands it’s “girls’ night” and he probably wouldn’t want to be there for that anyway. although he does quip out a small comment about how sexy you look in your clubbing outfit, and how much sexier it’s gonna look on your bedroom floor later on.

safe to say you leave the house with a blush on your cheeks and a little heat between your legs.

you’re out with the 1A girls tonight— you’d all stayed pretty close after graduation and somehow you’d finally managed to get a night that all of you could attend. you can’t remember how many rounds of shots go by, and by the time the club is closing, your friends are all in various stages of drunkenness.

tsuyu and ochaco are playing some children’s hand game and singing along to it while they clap their hands together incessantly, jirou and hagakure are stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk as some kind of competition and yelling in indignation, and mina and momo have their arms around your shoulders as they debate what would be tastier right now: takoyaki or taiyaki.

honestly you keep tripping up on the words because they sound so similar, so the conversation just keeps going in circles until one of you finally decides to call a cab.

it’s about one in the morning— the group had left the club to get a snack before the easy mart across the street closed and you’d each gotten probably too many foods, your eyes bigger than your stomach.

kirishima laughs when you walk into the apartment, wobbling a bit with the (surprisingly full) plastic “thank you!” bag swinging around in the air.

“hey babe, whatcha got there? woah now—“

he reaches out and catches you before you tumble over, a red brow raised teasingly at your questionable balance.

“you alright baby?”

his voice is always deep, but it sounds even more intoxicatingly velvety in your drunken stupor, and all you do is give him the eyes with your tongue poking out between your lips.

he laughs at you again, nodding and whispering a “later, eager girl” in your ear as he sits you down on the couch, large hands fiddling with the straps on your ankles.

kiri frowns as the heel comes off, angry red marks marring the top of your foot, the back of your ankle faring even worse with a blister rubbed raw laying there.

you hiss when he touches it experimentally, a look of surprise on your face and frustration on his.

“y’know you’re really deadly in those heels babe, but if i’d known they’d hurt ‘ya i wouldn’t have let ‘ya wear ‘em out for so long…”

he disappears into the bathroom for a moment only to come back with the first aid kit. he gingerly holds your foot with one hand, the other dabbing some antibacterial cream onto the wound. he rips the wrapper with his pointy teeth, and you stifle a laugh at his red hero logo littered across the bandage.

he chuckles at your laughter, pressing a gentle kiss to your knee as he repeats the action on the other foot.

once he’s done and you’re all bandaged up, he sits next to you on the sofa, pulling your legs up across his lap.

he is not afraid to stay up late with you— actually, he prefers it because he just loves talking with you, especially when you’re all giggly and blushy because of the alcohol. plus he doesn’t want you to go to sleep still drunk (which he can tell you clearly still are), cuz he thinks you’ll have more of a hangover and it’s not that he doesn’t wanna take care of you tomorrow, it’s that he doesn’t want you to be in any pain if you can avoid it. he is a gentleman after all.

kiri inquires how your night out was, and you inform him of all the fun you’d had with the girls. he nods as he listens, big hands coming to rub your feet with the tiniest bit of strength— just enough to soothe your aching feet.

he tends to your every need;

fetching you an icy water bottle and encouraging you to drink from it frequently— “take another sip for me baby, I’ll add another minute to your massage if ‘ya do— haha that’s it, good girl!”

turning on the fan when you say you’re a little warm— “you’re hot? yeah i know. kidding. lemme get the fan for ‘ya.”

flicking on the TV and putting on your choice of entertainment. he doesn’t mind that it’s that show you love, even if it’s his third time watching this particular episode— “great choice babe, this one’s funny… hey, what’s that look for? of course it’s alright, i love this show!”  

it’s more of a background noise anyway as he talks with you, genuinely enjoying your company and just being there with you. he just wants to chat with you; share your smiles and hear your thoughts from the night, make silly jokes about the show and hear your laugh, lay his cheesy pickup lines on you even though you’ve been his for quite some time now.

and it’s so cute to him how you stumble on your words and amuse yourself when you’re drunk like this, and then when you remember you had bought snacks he swears his heart skips a beat at your squeal of excitement.

“this one’s for you!” you chime happily, hand outstretched and offering the box of pocky to him. his heart melts a little (okay maybe a lot) at your gift— he’d said he was craving chocolate last night and you had remembered, even in your intoxicated state.

gosh, he really loves you.

he’s about to voice the emotion when his thumb brushes over the perfect spot on the arch of your foot particularly hard, and a loud moan erupts from your lips, your brow furrowing and your lip pinching between your teeth.

you share a heated look before he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“thanks babe, but the pocky’ll have to wait,” he murmurs as he tosses the box aside, pushing the bag of snacks onto the floor. crawling over your legs with a sharp-toothed smirk on his lips, he growls lowly, a glint in his crimson eyes. “there’s something else i needa taste of now…”

➥ masterlist — thanks for reading as always :)

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[haikyuuhaley]

I'm short AF. I'm 1.48 mt (i'm a mixed race, latina and italian, got my dad's green eyes but my mum's body type xD so i'm a reaaaaally short, curvy woman) and i was wondering if you could give me some sfw/nsfw headcanons about dating Bokuto haha please? Thank you!! 💜

hello lovely!! idk if I'm comfy writing NSFW just yet! but I'll try to make it suggestive (??) this will be a bit shorter since I did Bo already but I hope you like it!!! ❤️

Bokuto Relationship HCs pt. 2

god I love this golden retriever boy

Bo literally is the sweetest, he loves your body! he tell you everyday how beautiful you are to him!!

his love language is definitely physical touch and he just can't keep his hands to himself (he tries 🥺)

also you being short just makes him feel the need to protect you (never too overbearing though) he also purposely places things up high because he likes being your 'knight in shining armor' (bo, baby it's a coffee mug not the crabby patty formula) but a princess like you shouldn't need to get her own coffee

he treats you like a queen okay (even though I just said princess ✨ ignore it ✨) he would kiss the ground you walk on I swear

like you know in movies when there is a puddle and the guy like lifts his gf up so she won't need to walk in it? yeah he does that anytime it rains

he literally can't imagine his world without you so he will do anything you ask, dishes? sure. go get you tampons or pads? absolutely, baby he brings you the fucking isle just because you asked

his favorite thing to do is kiss you

movie nights turn to makeout nights within like 10 mins

he can't help it, your lips are so soft 🥺

to Bokuto, a perfect night is when he has you straddling his lap, his hands smoothing over your thighs and ass, sometimes squeezing

the kisses that you place on his skin make butterflies erupt in his stomach (fun fact this is actually where he falls in love with you and made a promise to himself to marry you {bitch get it!!!!!}

his kisses are sweet but urgent, he is so excited that he can't contain himself, you are addictive and he's an addict

he was late to practice so many times just because he let 'sweet' kisses turn into more steamy ones

akaashi is literally so done with him

'Bokuto you are late again.'

'I'm sorry akaashi!! I got distracted 😏'

'just go change and join us after *sigh*'

lol sorry akaashi but his lips were just calling!! who could say no??

Bo is just such a sucker for you ❤️

[theladyofdeath]

One Dance {Rowaelin}

31 Days of Halloween: Day 8.

All installments co-written with @snelbz​

Based on a prompt sent in by anon: “whoops you’re wearing the same costume as my best friend, I did not mean to hug you and kiss your cheek, where is my friend?? but you’re cute so I mean, this is fine”

Autumn/Halloween 2020 {Collection}

Aelin entered the club, looking around for Dorian.

She’d gotten pissed when he texted saying that instead of waiting for her outside, he’d been dragged in by a grumpy Chaol who was upset over his breakup with Yrene and in desperate need of a drink.

Fine, she had texted back, but you better have a drink ready for me when I get there.

That’s what led her to the moment she stepped through the entryway and was looking for a tall pirate with two drinks in his hand. She wasn’t exactly sure what kind of pirate he had come as, but she assumed that Dorian would have gone all out.

He loved Halloween.

So, when she spotted a long, velvet pirate’s coat with a feathered pirate’s hat in the distance, she was running through the crowd toward him. 

She yelled his name, but the Monster Mash was turned up to max volume and his back remained pointed in her direction. 

“Dorian!” she yelled, again, as she approached him, throwing her arms around his neck and pecking a kiss against his cheek. 

Except, when she leaned back and her eyes opened, her smile fell.

The man looking down at her was not, in fact, Dorian and bore no resemblance to her best friend in any way, save for their tastes in costumes apparently.

The stranger’s eyebrows rose and she watched as his eyes took in her own costume. “I didn’t anticipate catching a mermaid tonight, but I guess stranger things could happen.”

Aelin was blushing so hard that she knew the tips of her ears were pink, and she blurted out, “I’m so sorry, my friend was supposed to be getting me a drink and he’s also a pirate.”

Not that I mind, she added, in her mind. You’re hot as hell. 

The stranger was looking around before the side of his lips twitched upward. “There are a lot of us, it seems, that found ourselves in a pirate costume.”

Aelin nodded, taking another short step back, considering she was still nearly pressed up against his body. “It is a classic.” 

“That it is,” he added, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh, it’s okay, by the way.”

Aelin lifted a brow. “Sorry?”

“You apologized for bombarding me,” he clarified. “I was just saying, you know, it’s okay.”

“Good,” Aelin breathed, that awkwardness swirling in the pit of her stomach like an unplanned hurricane. “I’m Aelin, by the way. In case you wanted to retell this story to your friends.”

He chuckled. “I’m Rowan.”

“Aelin!”

She turned and found Dorian and Chaol in a booth just a few feet away.

Chaol was dressed up as a cowboy, complete with the hat and boots and she knew that was Dorian’s doing, too. Speaking of her best friend, he held up a second glass that looked like it held whiskey and she said, “I guess that’s my cue. It was nice to meet you.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

Aelin blinked and said, “What? Dorian? No, he’s just a friend.”

“And the depressed cowboy?” Rowan asked, his lips quirking up at the edges.

“Definitely not,” she laughed. “He’s just a friend.”

“Hmm,” Rowan went on, nodding slowly.

Aelin cleared her throat. “Yeah, so...do you want to join us?”

“Oh, I can’t,” he said, sighing. “My friends are about here, I was roped into a bros-Halloween. One of us got dumped.”

“Ah,” Aelin chuckled.

Rowan clarified, “It wasn’t me, by the way.”

Aelin chuckled, again, as Dorian called for her. “Aelin! Come on, your ice is melting!”

“I’ll see you around, then,” Aelin said. “Have fun.”

She liked to pretend that he was watching her hips sway as she walked toward the booth and plopped down next to Dorian. 

“Who was that?” Dorian asked, sipping from his bottle.

Aelin shrugged. “Someone I thought was you.”

He scoffed. “How could you ever mistake that generic knock off for this premium pirate product?” He gestured to his long coat and floppy hat.

She rolled her eyes and shoved him, drinking from the short glass. She looked at Chaol, sitting with his arms crossed and glaring at anyone who walked by. “How ya holding up?”

His eyes slid to her and Aelin wondered if it was possible to set someone on fire with just a gaze, because if so, she was dangerously close to becoming ashes.

“Right, well.” Aelin tossed her drink back, swallowing it in one big gulp. “I’m going to get another drink and then Dor, we’re gonna dance.”

Dorian groaned. “I don’t want to dance with you, Ace. If I dance with you, no other woman will dance with me because they’ll think we’re here together.” He gestured to the both of them, specifically at their unintentionally similarly themed costumes.

She rolled her eyes and stood. “Fine, but I’m still going to get another drink.”

She stood, and headed for the crowded bar.

It didn’t take long for the bartender to take notice of her, Aelin in her sparkly sea-shell bra and long, turquoise tail. Her hair and makeup were also done to perfection, thanks to the fact that her cousin’s fiancée was a cosmetologist. 

Lysandra Ennar could do it all, including creating the perfect mermaid look. 

“Sex on the Beach!” she yelled, once the bartender asked what she wanted, deciding to keep the mermaid theme going, even with her beverages.

Besides, Sex on the Beach was one of her favorites. Definitely in the top ten. 

A moment later, as she was waiting, a low voice rang in her ear. “Already onto drink number two?”

Aelin spun around and was met with the halfway open shirt of Pirate Rowan.

Captain Rowan?

She assumed he owned his own ship.

A large one, at that.

“Of course,” she crooned. “It’s a party, isn’t it?” 

“I suppose it is,” he agreed. “What are you drinking?”

Aelin cocked her head to the side. “Why do you ask?”

Rowan’s smile was small, devious. “I just want to know what to ask the bartender to make for you next time your drink runs out.”

Aelin shook her head, slowly. “Sex on the Beach.”

Rowan’s eyes wandered down her mermaid costume, then back up to her eyes. “Got a theme going on?” 

“Of course.” Aelin shrugged. “The whiskey was delicious, but a mermaid drinking whiskey? Not so realistic.”

Rowan’s eyes narrowed. “And a mermaid drinking Sex on the Beach?”

Aelin’s eyes lit up. “Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” 

He chuckled and she asked, “Where are your friends?”

He looked behind them, in the direction of more booths lining the walls. “One is sulking in the booth, two are playing pool, and…” He paused and looked around. “One is making out with someone on the dance floor.”

A laugh sputtered from Aelin. “Your poor heartbroken friend is miserable.”

“Oh, that’s not the heartbroken one,” Rowan chuckled, tossing a thumb over his shoulder, towards his friend with dark hair, not even wearing a costume, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. “He’s just a crabby, piece of shit.” He turned and pointed to the blonde guy with his tongue down a woman’s throat.  “That’s the one who got dumped.”

“Oh,” Aelin chuckled. “He seems to be moving on.”

“Moving on or happily forgetting, one of the two,” Rowan chuckled.

Aelin’s drink was placed in front of her on the bar and she happily took a sip from the glass. “Did you come here for a drink?”

Rowan hesitated. “Something like that.”

Aelin took a long sip, her eyes remaining on his, before she asked, “Something like that?” 

“Are you in a hurry to get back to your friends?” he asked, stepping closer to her. 

Aelin looked over his shoulder, to where Chaol was still moping in their booth, and to Dorian, where he was now dancing with a girl dressed as a slutty vampire. 

“Depends why you’re asking,” Aelin answered, at last. 

Rowan looked at Aelin for a long moment before motioning to the bartender, who hurried off to fulfill Rowan’s needs.

Aelin was impressed. “On a first name basis with the bartender?”

Rowan reached behind her, to the glass of scotch that was sitting on the bar. ”Something like that.” 

“Something like that?” Aelin chuckled.

Rowan took a long, slow drink from his glass. “Dance with me.” 

Aelin took one more look at Dorian, who was holding the hips of the blonde vampire, his eyes closed, having the time of his life.

“One dance,” Aelin said, and Rowan took her hand. 

They placed their glasses on the bar and took off, going into the middle of the Halloween-chaos. Aelin wasn’t sure what to think about Rowan. At first glance, she wouldn’t think he was the type to let himself loose on the dancefloor, and maybe it was just his alcohol consumption, but Rowan certainly knew how to move. 

One dance quickly became two turned into three. At one point, Rowan pulled her to the bar again for drinks, but they ended up back on the dance floor a few minutes later. Aelin wanted to sit down, but didn’t want Rowan to stop touching her, didn’t want him to stop holding onto her hips like he was.

Her feet were killing her, but she quickly decided that she didn’t care. 

Aelin continued to dance with Rowan, continued to drink with Rowan, continued flirting with him until her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. 

After a while, she looked over to make sure her friends didn’t mind that she was off with some strange guy.

Dorian was now dancing with a woman dressed as Princess Peach.

Chaol was laying on top of the table of their booth, sipping from a tall glass of whiskey. 

“You know, I thought tonight was going to be shit!” Rowan said, into Aelin’s ear above the music. 

“Yeah?” she asked, her arms around his neck. 

“Yeah,” he said, his lips brushing her ear, making her toes curl. “I’m dressed as a pirate at a nightclub, for the gods’ sake.”

Aelin tilted her head back as she laughed. “And now, what? It’s not shit?”

Rowan smiled, softly, and Aelin had no idea that someone in a fake pirate hat could look so incredibly sexy.

She didn’t hesitate, leaning up on her toes, pressing her lips to his. One of his hands slid into her hair and the other was pressed into the small of her back. Aelin melted into him, clutching at his shoulders. After a minute, she pulled away.

“No,” he breathed. “Not shit at all.”

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 3-4

- a shot-put ball, according to my cursory research, weighs in the neighborhood of 6-16 pounds. leila howland expects me to believe that princess “hoisted an adult woman 70 ft into the air on the daily with nothing but a pulley and raw upper body strength” rapunzel has a hard time picking up a shot.

anyways

- rapunzel thinks about how she used to talk to herself in her tower when she was isolated (and lonely) but stopped once she came to corona, and this girl looked like she was talking to herself, and it gave rapunzel this weird sense of familiarity! now what in the world could that mean? its so subtle i can’t quite put my finger on it.

again, romance novel.

less sardonically - i will say that tts cass has never struck me as an especially lonely person. yes, rapunzel is quite possibly her first ever close friend, but cass also appears to be on pleasant terms with her coworkers and has at least one or two friendships or mentor-type relationships among the guards (stan and pete). animals in tts are anthropomorphized enough to qualify as humans, and cassandra is unequivocally friends with owl and fidella. she is friendly if not friends with at least one coronan citizen (monty). she’s utterly unfazed by crowley’s crabbiness. she’s able to get along with the pub thugs. in vardaros she befriends vex with ease and makes herself right at home among the citizenry at large. there is zero friction between her and lance - at most she rolls her eyes when he’s being ridiculous. and out of the main cast, cassandra is the one who seems closest to varian in s1 - like, she has actual bonding moments with him. 

THE POINT BEING, cassandra may not have a lot of close friends, but she is nevertheless personable and demonstrates the ability to adapt herself to suit a variety of social environments. maybe i’m projecting here - i have very few close offline friends because my preference for in-person socialization is for it to be very casual - but taken together this doesn’t scream ‘lonely person’ to me. it instead says ‘person who finds social fulfillment in a wide net of friendly acquaintanceships’ and possibly also ‘person who finds close, emotionally intimate relationships worthwhile but very demanding to maintain, and so seldom or never seeks them out.’

this, absolutely, a very subjective reading of her character - it is just as plausible for cass to be someone who is socially competent but feels inwardly unfulfilled until rapunzel comes along. but even in that reading, this implication that cassandra is as deeply lonely, as thoroughly isolated in corona as rapunzel was in her tower is baldly absurd.

- i think i will have more thoughts about how arianna is characterized and the relationship she and rapunzel have with each other later in the story. for now it feels rather mechanical, and like arianna exists in the story to facilitate cassunzel happening.

- cassandra comes across to me like she has an anxiety disorder written by someone who doesn’t quite know how to convey how that feels? she catastrophizes: what if rapunzel thinks cass attacked her? will she get in trouble? but then she stops to make snide comments about rapunzel’s security detail ‘[falling] down on the job’ and concludes with an impressive amount of certainty that rapunzel isn’t going to make a big deal of it, after all. that… isn’t how anxiety works?

then, immediately, she finds a note from her father scolding her for slacking off—making it clear that she is indeed in trouble, like she feared—and her response is to scoff and throw it away. zero concern about being in trouble. zero worry about the consequences she might face for refusing the pointed “offer” of being rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting. like… this isn’t anxiety. i’m positive it’s meant to convey anxiety, but it comes across as cassandra just being… melodramatic and rude and grumpy. like a teenager. it’s unpleasant. and it bears very little resemblance to tts cass, who expresses a clear and consistent anxiety regarding the security of her job and the looming threat of a convent.

- secondly: “Friedborg reported that you missed your afternoon duties AGAIN. Please be advised that this is unacceptable. The queen is looking for a lady-in-waiting to serve Princess Rapunzel. It would be a great opportunity for you, and you must show the queen how prepared you are to train her in the ways of the court.” i am 100% convinced that howland thought cass was rapunzel’s age or younger. if friedborg is effectively cassandra’s direct supervisor, and she is reporting absences to cassandra’s father instead of addressing this with cassandra directly, the only explanation that makes sense is that cassandra is not of legal age.

- “Ladies don’t wield weapons, lead military strategy meetings, or race on horseback. Ladies do needlework, flower arranging, and hairstyling.”

sighs.

i am not going to argue that corona, in any incarnation, isn’t culturally sexist. it is. there are no women in the guard, no women in trades, no female business owners in the vein of monty or xavier or feldspar. besides rapunzel and arianna - who as the monarch’s spouse has very little in the way of actual political power - there are no women in the upper echelons of the government. besides cassandra, the only gnc women around are criminals. cass is denied even a chance to join the guard for no evident reason, even though her father allows eugene - a man he openly despises - to take the tests and then begrudgingly hires him when he passes. no one sees an issue with this, even though cassandra is demonstrably overqualified.

however.

howland makes this cultural sexism explicit text, and she does so in such a way that it implies something pretty horrifying about the already pretty horrifying corona-saporia unification backstory.

i am talking, of course, about general shampanier. you know, the female saporian general whom herz der sonne married when the two kingdoms were unified. the female saporian general who personally dueled der sonne for hours, according to under raps. the female saporian general who, forget military strategy meetings, led an entire goddamn army. i will accept the possibility that shampanier did not ride horses, because rapunzel’s return suggests that saporians have some sort of cultural objection to that. but this book predates rapunzel’s return by a large margin, and it isn’t canon anyway, so odds are the general shampanier of this story rode a warhorse at some point or another in her illustrious career of being the general of an army!!!

this woman - general shampanier - became the queen, the wife of arguably corona’s most historically important king, at a defining moment in coronan political and cultural history. tts and lost lagoon would both have us believe that this was a romantic, peaceful union between two people and two nations, but a few hundred years later - this. ladies don’t fight. ladies don’t belong in the war tent. ladies don’t ride horses. cass takes these things for granted as facts of life. but general shampanier did all of those things, and she did them extremely well, and she became corona’s queen.

WHAT HAPPENED?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SHAMPANIER’S LEGACY?

how did corona go from a warrior-queen to this, in just a few hundred years? the most plausible answer is that the background radiation of sexism and, perhaps, anti-saporian bias was powerful enough to unravel any cultural impact she may have otherwise had, deep enough to render her an outlier, an aberration, an exception to the rule that women do not act like that.

even arguing here that ‘lady’ specifically means ‘noblewoman’ doesn’t add up - because, again, general shampanier became THE QUEEN. you don’t get more noblewoman than that!

it feels unfair to judge this book with details added in season 3—such as the fact that shampanier is evidently not buried with herz der sonne—but this total lack of a cultural impact from general shampanier, queen of corona, feels very telling even without taking those tidbits of extra-textual information into consideration.

and good god, saporia hasn’t even properly entered the narrative yet! this is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg!

*deep breath*

moving. on.

- continuing the theme of cass being a child larping as a guard recruit: she has a closetful of weapons which she maintains to the exacting standards of the handbook, but skips out on her job to “train” in secret because evidently she’ll do ANYTHING to get on the guard except, you know, demonstrate a modicum of responsibility with the job she has now.

- moreover while i think cartography is a neat hobby for cassandra to have, it… doesn’t make a lot of sense if it’s part of some nebulous plan to ~prove herself worthy~ of being on the guard. like, cartography straight up isn’t a relevant skill, and while knowing the countryside could certainly be helpful for guard work in the event a criminal goes to ground in the wilderness, it’s like… it’s like if i applied for my current job, which is in software/tech support, by focusing an intensive amount of energy on teaching myself spanish. fluency in spanish is a useful skill and one that i could turn into an asset within the bounds of my current job, and it might be the deciding factor in me getting hired over someone else with equivalent experience and skill in computing and tech support (which is what the job involves) because, yes, some of our clients are ESL spanish-speakers. but it’s—there’s a disconnect. if i were in a tight competition to get this job i would be pouring my time into sharpening my programming skill and polishing up a portfolio of relevant work. i wouldn’t be devoting hours upon hours to learning spanish. right?

on the other hand—if cartography is a hobby cassandra is passionate about, and she’s 16 or 17 or 18 and she really likes the idea of being on the guard and really feels like she can do it and is bored with her dumb teenager job and desperate to get her dad to make her a guard without actually grasping what being a guard entails or the kind of work it involves or what she actually, realistically needs to do to have a shot, then… yeah, skipping work to play pretend with her weapons and convincing herself that her favorite hobby is totally going to prove to her dad that she’s ready to be a guard!!! makes perfect sense. it’s no different from tts varian tunnel visioning so hard on this fantasy of ‘i’ll surprise my whole village with hot running water and then my dad will be proud of me!!!’ that he neglects basic safety measures and accidentally blows the whole system up. it’s not realistic. it’s a fantasy. it’s play.

- the only time cassandra brings up eugene’s criminal past in tts is to mock him for being a loser. like. literally. the plot of fitzherbert pi kicks off when she calls him a “two-bit hood” and then when he fires back that flynn rider was a LEGEND!!! she fires back “key word being was. and… what is it you do now?” and that’s the only time she brings it up. granted this is 6-7 months into their relationship but… still, frankly i never got the impression that “former thief” was anywhere close to the top of cassandra’s list of reasons for hating eugene. he’s just a dick. she doesn’t like him because he’s a huge selfish jerk and she warms up to him after her starts behaving better.

- rapunzel goes to the ty lee school of flirting. just… laugh really hard at everything your crush says even if it’s not funny.

- despite my… intense and rapidly growing dislike for how cassandra is characterized in this book, her experiencing an actual physical reaction when rapunzel enters her space without permission is good. it’s about the boundaries. it has always been about the boundaries, and rapunzel crossing them, and the intractable messiness that arises from that.

- in fact: how many times does rapunzel cross boundaries in just this one little scene? oh, let me count the ways!

1 - when cassandra goes to shut the door, rapunzel ducks under her arm to enter the room. (eugene attempts to enter as well, but cass succeeds in blocking him.)

2 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s first “go away” hint about only playing individual sports.

3 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s second “go away” hint (“I let the silence get awkward.”)

4 - arranging cassandra’s invitation to the feast of elodie the great with the captain beforehand, so cass can’t use him as an excuse to decline.

5 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s obvious discomfort with this news, taking cassandra’s attendance at the feast as a done deal, and skipping straight to asking cassandra to sit next to her.

6 - in response to cassandra’s very diplomatic signal of not wanting to do that (“I sit wherever I’m assigned”), she declares that she’ll make sure cassandra is assigned to sit next to her.

7 - touching without permission, which makes cassandra flinch.

all of which results in cassandra making what she considers to be a “tactical surrender.” and then shutting and locking her door, because she feels so rattled. as i recall, lagoon is actually a lot mellower on the boundary violations front - and rapunzel actually learns better over the course of the story, which is probably the biggest reason that lost lagoon is not canon and cannot be canon to tts - but it feels worth writing this sort of thing out because, well. it is one of the dead horses i keep clobbering.

[lukehughes43]

Can you write 22 from the prompt and trope list w Trevor!! The “You’re in love with her” one

fluff  22. You’re in love with her.

-

“hello, earth to, z,” patty called, hand waving up and down in front of trevor’s face. only his blue eyes were trained on you as you stood on beginning of the wooden dock along side his younger sister. your white sundress covering your swimsuit seeing as you hadn’t been in the water for the past hour. having ditched the boys to tan in the sun with ava, instead of waking surfing. 

it was safe to say that trevor was disappointed when you ditched him for his younger sister. leaving him all alone with patrick and jack. “patty, he’s totally zoned out right now,” jack snickered, elbowing the new york native in his ribs, “just look at him staring at, y/n/n.” 

rolling his blue eyes trevor readjusted the strings of his bucket hat. “what, i can’t stare at my girlfriend?” he responded, eyes finally looking away from you. only it was short lived once he heard the sound of you laughing, and he couldn’t help the smile that fought its way on to his face as you looked down at ava’s phone. 

“it’s like you’re obsessed with her, z,” jack teased, all three boys now looking over at you. “and i can’t tell if that’s a good or bad. it’s like we don’t even know who you are anymore.” jack’s ramblings had the host of the get together rolling his eyes once more. 

“well y/n is my girlfriend,” trevor mumbled, feelings as his cheeks started to flush. eyes still looking over at you and your still wet hair. “so i would think it’s a good thing.”

patty and jack just shrugged their shoulders while sharing a look. “are you sure those strings on your hat aren’t too tight, trev?” the oldest laughed, reaching over and pushing the hat off of trevor’s head. “cause for one, you’ve never let a girl crash our summer, not to mention the last one before we start college and the nhl. and two, you’ve never had a girlfriend for this long.” 

sighing trevor reached up and pulled his hat back on top of his head, and then looking away from you once more. “y/n’s different,” he started to explain, a love sick smile on his face. stealing glances at you whenever he could. praying that your e/c eyes would look over at him, and not his sister. “she’s actually my girlfriend. the other girls never got that far.” 

“no but they did get far enough to end up in your bed,” patrick stated recalling the blunt truth. one that earned an elbow into his side from the youngest boy. “hey what the hell was that for, j?” but the look on trevor’s face said it all, and then it hit him all at once. “ew, ew, ew,” he gasped, slowly backing away from the other two. “you’re in love with her, z.”

trevor’s cheeks flushed instantly because patty had hit the nail right on the head. “holy shit, trevor fucking zegras, is in love,” jack called, the latter slapping his hand over his mouth. 

“not so loud you idiots!” he hissed, hand dropping from the devil’s first overall pick’s mouth. “i haven’t told y/n yet, and i dunno if i’m going to.” 

“you’re not gonna tell her?” jack then asked, confused as of why he wouldn’t wanna tell you. cause jack, patty, and the rest of the boys knew you were good for trevor. everyone did. “you gotta tell her, trevor.” 

biting his lip he looked back over at you, but before he could explain patty spoke up. “dude, don’t be ashamed of it, cause i’m pretty sure that i’m in love with her too.” 

“fuck off, pat!” trevor hollered, shoving his best friends chest. his shoulders dropping after he did so. “i just, i don’t think she feels the same. i mean i know i wouldn’t if i was her. not when she knows i slept around. a lot.” 

jack crossed his arms over his bare chest as he glanced back at you, you and ava were now doing a tik tok dance. the younger girls phone set up to record. “she loves you, trust me, z. y/n loves you. i mean look at it this way, she said yes to dating you didn’t she? she knew about the other girls before then, and she said yes.” 

patty was quick to nod his head before trevor could disagree, “not to mention the fact that she puts up with your crabby ass twenty-four seven, and z? you’re not exactly easy to deal with after you have a bad game. so go tell her.” 

without another word the two were pushing trevor off the deck and forcing him to make the short walk to the dock. and when he stopped and tried to turn around they walked him to the end of the dock. right away his arms were wrapping around your waist to pull you into his still wet bare chest. “trev!” you squealed while trying to push his arms away. “you’re all wet still!” 

ava laughed before snapping a quick picture of the two of you, “wanna see our tik tok, trev?” but before he could answer she was shoving the phone at him. 

“god y/n/n do you even know how to dance?” he jibbed before pressing a kiss the the side of your neck. then craning his head around more to kiss your cheek, feeling how hot they were from your blush. 

“shut up, z,” you whined, eyes watching as you completely failed at the dance. noticing the way he had slowly started to walk the two of you towards the end of the dock. and when you did your eyes were wide, “trevor john zegras, if you’re thinking what i think you’re thinking, you better not do it!” 

his laugh filled your ears and caused your heart to swoon. “what do you think i’m gonna do, y/n m/n?” 

“you’re gonna pull me into the water with you, and i’m already in my dress dry,” you pointed out. taking in the fact that he had spun you both around so you were facing the zegras family cabin. your backs to the lake behind you. “trev, don’t! if you do it i’m not sleeping with you for the rest of the weekend!” only it didn’t stop him from leaning backwards and pulling your both into the water. 

pushing his arms off your waist you resurfaced just in time to hear him laughing at you once more, “this is what you get for ditching wake surfing. i wanted to go with you.” 

your mouth fell open as you splashed his face with water, “i hate you! oh my god trevor john, i hate you!” 

“well i love you.” there was a small smile on his face, but his eyes wouldn’t meet yours. too busy looking away, and looking at the way he could now see your blue bikini top through your white dress. 

one of your hands cupped his cheek so he’d look up at you, also fixing his bucket hat so it wasn’t in his eyes, as you smiled over at him. “i know, trevy.” 

his blue eyes went wide as he stared back at you, his smile gone, “you- you know?” you just hummed while still smiling, leaning in to give him a quick pick on his lips. “why didn’t you say anything? or, or how did you know?” 

“i didn’t say anything cause i knew you’d say it on your own time, z,” you replied, before pulling yourself back up on to the dock. your boyfriend following behind you. “and it’s pretty obvious that you love me. i mean, i just, i don’t really know how to describe how i knew, but i knew. it might also have to do with the fact that i love you too.” 

a physical sigh of relief washed over his body as his arms wrapped back around your waist. “you love me too?” he repeated, not quite believing what you had just said. 

“i do, trevor john, and i’ll love you even more if after i go wake surfing with you, i got to wear some of your clothes since you trashed my outfit for today,” you teased, before pulling the soaking wet dress off your body.

not missing the way his blue eyes looked you up and down once more. “there’s a pair of my shorts and a t-shirt calling your name, princess.”

[peak-dumbass]

Thoughts on Sons of Garmadon cuz redesigns :]

Also instead of watching all of the season and then adding my thoughts later I instead took notes while watch the season so that’s why this post is incredibly long, sorry about that :/

Anyway enjoy :>

Sorry for the accidental posting and I don’t want to rewrite everything so here’s from the original post

Lloyd reading the title of the episode also caught me off guard the first time I watched this

Basically Lloyd caught me off guard entirely the first time I watched this

Also his eyebrows are now THICC

“Still thirsty?”

...

I can see why people like Nya a lot (._.’)

Nya’s badass and f—king love her

Also the water bubbles she makes look really nice

Jay mimicking Cole is adorable

The first time we see them after a year and the first thing we see them do is argue and disturb a group of people that took a vow of silence 

I love them

“Did I call you at a bad time?” They’re in the middle of a fight with the mechanic, what do think?

Also Pixal calling Lloyd “Master Lloyd” :’/

“Whoever said fight fire with fire clearly didn’t know what they were talking about.” “Hey, you’re stealing my lines!” I love you Kai

“Who likes ice cream? I do! How was that line Kai?” I love you Zane

Them teasing Lloyd for his deeper voice and them just genuinely having family fun bonding time just fills me with such happiness that I can’t describe with words :’’’’’’’’>

Misako abandons Lloyd yet again, and she was just starting to act like a good mother in Hands of Time >:/

Jay is not understanding a single thing being said to him, but at least he’s trying 👌

Their excuse for not mentioning the royal family throughout the series is “they like their privacy”? Really? Like really? Are they expecting us to believe this bullish-t? 

Lloyd seeing Harumi for the first time: Can You Feel The Love Tonight🎶

Now Cole’s the only one who hasn’t had a crush in the series he is so gay and the writers can’t convince me otherwise

Can I just say the lighting for the inside of the place is beautiful? Cuz it is.

Also I just realized Cole’s the only ninja that isn’t wearing sleeves on his ninja suit, that’s cool👌

Since Harumi’s natural hair color is white, does that mean she’s albino?

“The maskes must never be reunited” Says the person who reunited the mask >:/ I know she’s acting good here but still

“No thank you, I actually gave up sweets. My body is a temple.” The moment I heard that for the first time I was like “WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY BOI?! WHO HAS HURT HIM?!”

Lloyd, stop stalking the princess, that’s illegal >:|

“Don’t worry, we’re ninja, we’re experts at this kind of thing” They proceed to loose the mask, let their main villain onto their ship, and Lloyd gets a crush on her :/

Grade A ninja-ing right there 👌👌👌

I’m on episode 2 and seeing Harumi acting nice and sweet and connecting with Lloyd and knowing that she’s faking all of it, I just feel so so so so bad for Lloyd :’<

Cole, don’t try to give Lloyd advice about girls when you aren’t even attracted to them

Ok so I procrastinated a bunch on doing this for some reason so Yee, let’s continue

I’ve only seen Mystake for 1 scene and if anything ever happens to her I’ll kill everyone in this room and myself

Oof I’m now sad and realize why everyone likes her

Ok so we all agree the tea Mystake gave Jay and Lloyd to see the drawings move is weed right? Or had weed in it?

Why is Cole hiding in a garbage bin when Zane is using a perfectly good newspaper? Also oh boy can’t wait to see Rocky DangerBuff and Snake Jaguar in action :3

The way Snake walked into the bar Jesus

and I’m trying to watch this without skipping it cuz to me the whole thing is very awkward and I can’t stand awkward stuff like this but I also heard there was glacier so I’m gonna try to watch this without yeeting my phone and burying my face in my pillow

Chloe: Snake is gorgeous and we stan

Me: I know he’s beautiful look at him, he’s amazing

He’s bad boi and baby boi at the same time and I love him

Just added Cole into a scene with the ninja when he’s actually still kidnapped by UV so noice job Ninjago HQ 👏👏👏

Zane looks so weird in the flash of Wu finding him dear god

Stop bothering him Cole, let Zane Rp as Snake for a little bit longer

DAD COLE DAD COLE DAD COLE DAD COLE DAD COLE DAD COLE

Cad is what Cole would have named the baby if it didn’t turn out to be Wu cuz Cole + Dad

Ali: "Why cad?" "Its cooler than Chad cause you take out the h for hoe"

Ali/clumsy you’re a genius

”you didn’t think it would that easy, did you?”

Guys is weird to think that UV is 100 times hotter after saying that line?

Mommy UV vs Dad Cole, Mommy UV is fighting Dad Cole for the baby

Oof I remember what’s gonna happen to Zane y’all and I’m not happy plz Mr.E stahp plz

Mr.E to the SOG after he kicks Zane’s ass: Guess who just got murdered!

“Not all men-“

Me: You’re right, Zane Ninjago would never do this

Mr.E: I’m on my way, I’m on my way, I’m on my way to kick Zane’s ass :D!

Cole is Pearl from SU confirmed, he was staring at baby Wu sleeping

Harumi: Maybe we can use this blanket at a Parachute?

Lloyd: What do this is a cartoon?!

Lloyd proceeds to do the exact thing he said wouldn’t work

Also Harumi is the best actor I’ve ever seen like seriously 10/10 👌 actor, playing with Lloyd’s heart strings like she’s been doing it for years

“How to be a heartbreaker” is Harumi’s jam and theme song

SO I WAS ADDING MY THOUGHTS ON HERE AND TUMBLR JUST DECIDED TO BE A LITTLE B-TCH AND CLOSE ON ME BEFORE I SAVED MY THOUGHTS AND NOW MY THOUGHTS ON HALF EPISODE 5 AND 6 ARE GONE OOF SO I’M JUST GONNA SAY THAT PIXAL IS HAVING SELF ESTEEM ISSUES OR SOMETHING SIMILAR AND SHE’S AMAZING AND IT’S MAKING ME SAD THAT ALL SHE SEES HERSELF AS ASSISTANCE AND NOTHING MORE

Also Lloyd falls onto a few branches and gets a hurt arm that requires a blanket while Nya was at the front of the ship with 0 protecction and was basically yeeted to the main deck while it crashed into the jungle and she doesn’t even get a break?!

I know Nya is stronger than Lloyd but GOSH DIDDLY DARN I didn’t know she was that STRONK!

Baby Wu: “Ninja never quit hehehehehe”

The ninja:

Lloyd: Confused Green Bean Noises

Harumi: kisses him on the cheek

Lloyd: •////• completely forgets what he was confused about

Harumi saved by lovestruck Lloyd and boners

Cole to Baby Wu: You took care of us, it’s only fair that we take care of you.

Me:

GOD I LOVE COLE HE’S AMAZING

Harumi and Lloyd during that one waterfall scene in Episode 6:

Also Harumi’s backstory for why she likes Garmadon and hates the ninja including Lloyd, it completely makes sense cuz she was a child that over heard that the ninja didn’t do sh-t and Garmadon saved the city so it makes sense why she hates the ninja and believes Garmadon should be Ninjago’s leader, and since it happened when she was young she didn’t think things through, she didn’t think about it from the ninja perspective and especially didn’t think about it from Lloyd’s perspective cuz she was a child, kids don’t tend to think about the other person’s perspective on things, so I think it makes sense and it’s really good 👌 also this is Ninjago’s first main female villain, all the other ones were either second in command or were in a crew that worked for a bigger villain so yeah that’s cool

“Don’t you guys have any idea what she’s doing? She’s resurrecting Garmadon! Lord Garmadon!” Yeah no sh-t Kai, the name of their gang is “Sons of Garmadon”, of course they know and of course they’re ok with it why do think they’re helping her?

“Then it’s a good thing the Quiet One isn’t a bad guy but a bad girl” It doesn’t matter that Pythor, Chen, Morro, and Garmadon had dicc, what matters is that the greater evil didn’t listen to them dipsh-t.

Harumi screams a lot, like Princess Peach/Damsel-in-distress amount of high pitch screaming and I’m surprised Lloyd or the other ninja haven’t told her to shut up at one point.

a slightly dark room suddenly turns a little bit darker

Harumi:

Lloyd: Jesus even when I was a kid I had tougher skin then you, I know this is a little hypocritical for my to say, but grow the f—k up god

Ok woah woah woah, how did Lloyd go from “I didn’t tell you about the fact that I’m part Oni, Mystake only told me and Jay” to “You’re the Quiet One” like he isn’t wrong but how did he put it together in such little amount of time?

Ok this is how the Lloyd vs Harumi fight should have gone down:

Lloyd: Give me a good reason not do destroy it right now.

Harumi: I’ll give you 2. You want to see your father again and you love me.

Lloyd: HAH! While you busy being a heterosexual b-tch I studied the blade!

Lloyd kicks Harumi’s ass and the day is saved

Am I wrong? Lloyd only met Harumi a couple of days ago, it’s like Anna from Frozen but LEGOs

“Love is an open door” is Llorumi shippers theme song

“I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE EMPTINESS THAT I FEEL”

B-TCH HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIS F—KING CHILDHOOD HE HAS MORE TRAUMA THEN YOU WILL EVER GET YOUR F—KING LIFE TIME!!!

I KNOW SHE IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND THAT SHE HASN’T SEEN HIS LIFE LIKE WE HAVE BUT DAMN IF IT ISN’T ACTIVATING MY PROTECC-LLOYD-AT-ALL-COSTS-AND-THAT-THIS-IS-TOTAL-BULLSH-T INSTINCTS

“Or we’ll have to get all ninja on you!” “What does that even mean?” “I don’t know I was improvising” Tbh that’s a mood Kai, at least to me

Lloyd: Guys, Rumi is the Quiet One!

The ninja who are currently surrounded by the SOG including Harumi: Oh really, ya don’t say?

Lloyd just got yeeted out of a waterfall so it sorta makes sense why he didn’t notice

Lloyd said I won’t let you get away with this and Harumi said YEET

They have Lloyd they have the masks and we have trouble

Baby Wu: Puppy!

that ain’t a puppy Sensei it’s a giant underwater scorpion monster

I forgot they tamed the giant underwater scorpion monster and named it Crabby, and Jay hugged one of Crabby’s claws, Jay’s favorite pet the ninja have ever had is Crabby confirmed

“So this is your true face without the mask, no wonder you covered it” Damn Lloyd is salty, LET LLOYD SAY F—K 2020

Chloe: Lloyd said "bitch u ugly" poetically

Me: Yeah, he got the saltiness from Kai and the poetic speech from Zane

“There was never anything between us”

One episode earlier

“You want your father back, and you love me”

One episode earlier

Harumi kisses Lloyd on cheek and proteccs him from the corrupted Samurai X suit

Me:

Harumi gets close to Lloyd

Me: KICK HER IN THE NONEXISTENT BALLS

Yay the most useful and totally not child abandoning character, Misako, is here and giving Lloyd information that he already knew and is being incredibly useful buy not only abandoning Lloyd for a second time in his life but also finding Baby Wu for the SOG Hooray

“Stop Rumi, this isn’t you!” B-tch you’ve only known her for a couple of days, and she has played with your heart, in dangered your friends, and tried to kill you and your friends on multiple occasions, and she nearly succeeded on killing Zane (though tbh Zane gets nearly killed every season so that isn’t a surprise)

“You were right, this isn’t me” YOU SERIOUSLY BELIEVED HE’LL FALL FOR THAT BULLSH-T AGAIN? AFTER YOU TRIED TO DROWN HIM AND HIS MOM WHILE SUMMONING HIS EVIL DAD FROM THE DEAD? HAH, B-TCH YOU THOUGHT!

“Stop. Save it for someone who cares” Yesssssss I love youuuuuuu by baby boiiiiii

Sees the arm coming out of the anvil-thing

Me: Terminator Garmadon? Also this is what happens when we complain too much, we also gotta be more specific people! We can’t ask for just Garmadon, we need to ask for Good/Sensei Garmadon or else we’ll get bullsh-t like this!

THE SCENE OF THE NINJA SINGING WEEKEND WHIP JUST PLAYED AND THE HAPPY WHOLESOME VIBES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Also there’s no way harumi gets the resurrection spell right on the first try, like no way, impossible, like she even gets interrupted by Lloyd and the ninja at the end and then Garmadon appears after that? Like I’m not a witch/wizard myself but I’m pretty sure that’s not how spells work? You don’t just start a spell, stop before the spell is finished, and the spell still works :/

Also how the hecc did Garmadon know where to find Harumi? It was never explained, he just like punched his way into the police station and was like “Yo b-tch what’s up?”

“I can turn him once, I can turn him again” ends up getting his ass handed to him and nearly dieing for the millionth time in his life

“That sounds like a really bad idea” “And Kai knows bad ideas, he’s full of them” Oof Kai just got roasted

“Lloyd, what are you doing?” “I’m sorry, Nya. I have to confront him” OOF HE REALLY DID JUST PULL A KAI DIDN’T HE

I’m not gonna quote everything Lloyd says here cuz there’s too much but DAMN HE’S REALLY PISSED OFF AND IS REALLY DOING A KAI JESUS

I know we all wanted Sensei Garmadon back but I’m ngl this Garmadon looks really cool and gives really good evil speeches to unmotivate his opponent

OOF Y’ALL REALLY HAD TO ADD LLOYD HOLDING OUT THE PHOTO OF HIM AND GARMADON WITH LLOYD STRUGGLING SAYING “FATHER” AND THE PHOTO GOING INTO THE WIND DIDN’T Y’ALL MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND I STILL HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH EPISODE 10 WHERE I KNOW LLOYD’S HEART IS GONNA BE RIPED OUT OF HIS CHEST AND STOMPED ON WITH A SPIKED SHOE

F—K HARUMI F—K NINJAGO HQ F—K EMPEROR GARMADON F—K THE SOG JUST LEAVE MY POOR BABY ALONE

Y’all I don’t think I can make it through the next episode f—k man

Holy f—k I forgot Emperor Garmadon reads the title card in episode 10 oof

“Not so fast!” “‘No so fast”?! You used that ages ago!” True, it sucked then and it sucks now

“My brother is coming” “How do you know?” “I know” Dang even baby Wu doesn’t tell people sh-t

“You sure you’re up for this?” “I was married to him once, I’m up for anything” Ok so you’re saying that as if you were the one that was treated badly in that relationship and not the other way around like it should be but whatever floats your boat pal

“Careful!” “Are you actually doubting my ability to closely approximate the true value of our surroundings? I’m a nindroid.” Damn Zane is pissed

COLE LITERALLY JUMPED OFF THE BOUNTY TO CATCH BABY WU NOT KNOWING JAY WAS GONNA CATCH HIM AKA HE WOULD HAVE DIED FOR BABY WU I’M SCREAMING GOD I LOVE COLE

Ok so Lloyd you are excellent at fabulous/eat-a-dicc-b-tch exits like wow 👏👏👏👏👏

Also the scene with the 4 OG ninja and Baby Wu traveling to the first realm looks really really nice ngl

All in all I really really like this season, it’s great 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped”

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5

“Do you think she’s faking it?” Santos whispers and his boss Jericho replies under his breath.

“Nope, not faking it. Y/N’s been like that since she recovered from the accident 5 months ago.”

The mobster and the newbie bodyguard watch you in silence while you cuddle with your yellow teddy bear: from time to time you kiss its forehead and then squeeze him tightly in your arms again.

“I heard rumors,” Santos addresses the gossip. “Is it true she’s like that because of Mister Joker?”

“Kind of,” Jericho mumbles. “Someone tried to kill him in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way; she got hit instead. Full impact, you know? Broken bones and fractured skull plus an inoperable hematoma that presses on her frontal lobe. She was out of business for 6 months and when she finally recovered… Well, you can see the result; major cognitive impairment. Not herself anymore…”

“You sure are informed boss,” Santos chuckles. “Weird a man like Mister Joker chose to allow this situation for so many months: 6 months for her to recover then 5 extra ones of this behavior… He’s not tolerant person.”

Jericho lifts his shoulders up, indifferent to the henchman’s insinuations.

“How do you think sex is?” Santos winks and a crabby voice freezes the words on his lips.

“Challenging,” J growls, displeased at the speculation on his private life.

The two mobsters turn in their chair and he passes by in a hurry, taking a sit by you on the small couch situated in the middle of the warehouse.

“I’m done inspecting the cargo, looks good. My crew is putting the money together for the payment; should be done shortly.”

Alarm chimes on his cellphone and he detaches a tiny pouch out of his suit’s pocket, getting your attention too.

“Hey Pumpkin, you have to take your meds.”

“Hm?...” the confused Y/N stares at him as she bounces the teddy bear on her knees.

“Here, take this,” J offers 3 capsules with a bottle of water and you have difficulty understanding the request. Yet he’s not annoyed and helps you regardless of having an audience: The Joker plainly doesn’t give a damn.

“Perhaps if you give her a lollipop she’ll be receptive; might improve sex also,” Santos snorts, ignoring Jericho’s instant warning:

“Watch your mouth!”

The offender is not worried though: he believes that being his boss’s protégé grants him immunity regarding his own carelessness.

“It might,” The King’s sinister grin creeps up on the red lips. “Thanks for the advice, I’ll try it.”

“She loves that teddy bear, huh?” Santos implies and surprisingly enough J explains why:

“I got it for her on our first date. We were walking downtown late at night, Y/N saw it displayed in a window at a toy store and loved it. So I shattered the glass, took it and both ran away since I triggered the alarm. I had this feeling that pretending to be sweet would get me laid.”

“Did it work?” the goon pressures for a confession, laughing at The Joker’s honest answer:

“No.”

“Sir!!” Panda yells from across the huge room. “Can we get you for a sec?”

“Excuse me,” he sneers and leaves the group while Jericho preaches to the bodyguard:

“Are you completely stupid?! Don’t say stuff like this in front of him!!”

“You’re one of his main business partners and he won’t risk initiating trouble. My opinion is that Y/N and Mister Joker are playing games, totally pretending about her condition. Let me try a puny experiment and find out if I’m correct.”

“What are you doing?!” the puzzled Jericho inquires as Santos gets up from his chair and sneaks by the sofa.

“I never had the pleasure of meeting Y/N, but if the information circulating around is accurate about her she will shred me to pieces if I do this.”  

He inspects the surroundings for a moment: not a soul nearby and the unexpected slap landing on your cheek makes you jump.

“Anybody home?” Santos bends over to analyze your reaction.

“Cut it out!” Jericho raises his voice, uneasy about his bodyguard’s deed.

“Mister Joker!!” Frost shouts from beyond a few creates he’s sorting out while keeping an eye on you.

Only idiots would have the impression J doesn’t have a system in place appointed to ensure your safety; obviously Santos is one of them.

“Boss!” Jonny reports to The Joker emerging from the back room. “Santos slapped Y/N!”

“I didn’t!” the latest defends his conduct, worried to notice your furious boyfriend stomping towards him.

“Let’s not be hasty,” Jericho attempts to fix this major mess-up yet The Clown Prince of Crime removes his gun from the holster, shooting Santos in the head: he knows Frost wouldn’t lie, thus he doesn’t need a justification for murder.

“Jesus, Mister Joker! You didn’t have to do that!” Jericho reprimands although he should zip it.

“You let him disrespect me on my territory?!” The Joker yanks at your hand. “Let’s go, Pumpkin!”

“I had no clue he’ll do it, ok?”

“If you can’t control your men, then give up leadership!” J drags you after him as you struggle to catch up. “The deal is off!” he screams and Jericho is unhappy about the outcome.

“What do you mean the deal is off??! We’ve been planning this for weeks!”

“Take your merchandize, disappear and I’ll enjoy my money, is that clear enough for you?!” the crazy green haired individual slams the gate, guiding you to the car in the parking lot. “Why are you such a pushover?” he angrily scolds. “I’m so tired of this crap!” J shoves Y/N in the passenger’s sit, aggravated to the point of blaming her for ruining his profitable transaction.

************* “That was such a good deal and I blew it! It’s all your fault!” he accelerates while you seek to make sense of everything thrown your way: when memories, concepts and sounds are melted in a brain lacking the affluence of logic, forming simple sentences physically hurts.

“You made me lose my temper!” The Joker lashes out since he’s aware his decision to cancel the arrangement with Jericho wasn’t the best. “You can’t defend yourself and you barely articulate elementary words! I miss having conversations with you, Y/N! Can your mind comprehend this?! You used to be funny, sassy and witty! You’re accountable for what happened, you dumb woman! I wouldn’t have done the same for you, I hope you know that!!!!”

You close your eyes, concentrating very hard on his remarks: something about wit, sass and… and…

It’s too much so you cover your ears, which prompts him to completely have a meltdown.

“Get out of the car!” he hits the breaks, leaning over to open the door on your side. “Get out I said!” he screams and forces you out against your will: you start crying, incapable of discerning what he wants and it makes you increasingly anxious. “Go be useless on your own!” he closes the door and takes off, abandoning Y/N without money or any other means in the industrial area outside Gotham City.

J continues to drive for another 15 minutes before halting at Southampton railway crossroads: the barriers are blocking the path and the red light keeps blinking, a sign the train is approaching. Not a lot to do besides waiting so he deeply exhales, still fuming at today’s events.

The Joker huffs at the sight of your teddy bear resting in between the seats; you probably dropped it when he nicely asked you to flee the vehicle.

Why are you attached to this boring stuffed animal to begin with? I mean, each time it requires washing you won’t budge from the laundry room until it’s returned to you. After the accident you carry it everywhere so maybe you wonder where it’s at…

J taps the steering wheel, pissed this idea randomly popped to bother him.

Nothing to be concerned about, he ditched you in the industrial area… that’s been closed for the last four years… the factories are empty, no people there… except creeps… searching for easy prey… like you…

“Fuck!” he abruptly backs out and the skid marks on the gravel certainly indicate he’s in no rush at all.

In less than 15 minutes he sees you limping on the right side of the road and slowly pulls over, waiting for you to get to the car. However, there’s a small fact The Joker didn’t anticipate: Y/N disregards the car plus its driver and keeps walking.

“Great…” he sighs. Stepping on his pride isn’t common practice for him, yet he grabs the yellow toy, sprints out of the SUV and follows the upset Queen. “Hey Pumpkin! Hey!!”  

You immediately turn around and stutter, frustrated:

“Y-you left me!!”

J is stunned to hear what he considers a whole tirade coming out of you; he’s positive it took a lot of effort.

“Umm…you forgot your teddy,” he extends his arms and you snatch it, hugging the plush bear to your chest. “I don’t understand what’s so important about a cheap…”

“Hm?” you frown, interrupting.

“The toy I got for you,” J repeats. “Why do you like it?” he simplifies the phrase so you can better process its meaning.

“Reminds…”, you strain really hard to organize your thoughts, “Reminds me… when you liked me… when I was… when I was  smart…” and you wipe your tears, upset. “Now… now I’m stupid…”

The Joker doesn’t know what to say and him not having a reply it’s a rare occurrence.

“You’re not stupid,” he mutters and because you won’t quit sobbing the question arises: “Hey Y/N, who’s my girl?”

What is he talking about…? A girl?...What girl?...

You spin to check your surrounding and J lectures, exasperated.

“For God’s sake, Princess. I’m talking about you: you’re my girl!”

“Hm?”

“Let’s put the neurons in your beautiful brain to rest, shall we? I think they’re oversaturated,” The Clown Prince of Crime decides, pleased to see he distracted you and you’re not crying anymore. “Are you hungry?”

You appear lost and he hints:

“You want food? We can get pizza, wings, possibly ice-cream from our favorite place. OK?”

“Pizza?” your face lights up and so does his without him realizing.

“A-ha. You love your peperoni, true?”

Oh boy, thank heavens the trick worked and you’re in the car again without any additional energy from his part; you didn’t caught on to it and it’s perfect. I guess your situation has a few perks.

“Hey Y/N, you know what else I miss?” The Joker cruises up the street, sulking. “Our fights! I swear I do! I lived for that shit! When you told me you hated me and I wanted to end you,” he snickers at the recollection. “If you hated me so much why did you save me?”

“No hate…” you smile and he’s truly amazed you kept up with his rambling. “Love…” you playfully touch his shoulder with the teddy bear’s paw.

The King of Gotham is speechless again; he avoids glaring in your direction and he’s relieved you don’t have enough transparency to notice how flustered he is.

“Pumpkin…” J grumbles in a low tone. “Do you believe that after that blood clot in your brain is reabsorbed, you’ll be more like your old self? The doctors said it won’t make a difference, but what the hell do they know?! Please say yes, even if it’s a lie. Hey Pumpkin,” he reiterates since you emotionlessly gaze at the landscape outside. “Say yes.”

“Hm?”

“SAY: YES,” The Joker persists.

“Yes?”

“Good girl,” he smirks and hastens towards the city. “You want ice-cream first?” the inquiry continues, yet J is used to monologues regardless. “Are you gonna let me have a bite? Can you predict what else I would like a bite of?” he leans over and whispers in your ear.

“Hm?...” the disoriented Y/N crinkles her nose.

“Dammit!” The Clown Prince of Crime exclaims. “You’re supposed to mention it’s indecent and then agree to it, Y/N!”

What does he want now?... something about  a bite?

You reach over and take his hand, sinking your teeth in the laughing mouth tattoo.

J snorts and then starts cracking up with all his heart, the awkward noises making you giggle.

”What am I going to do with you, Princess?” he shakes his head, amused nevertheless at your interpretation.

The Queen doesn’t answer, very captivated by The Joker’s silver grin; one could estimate it makes her happy although she can’t pinpoint the reason why. Y/N snuggles with the teddy bear that the madman stole for her on their first date hoping he’ll get laid, already delighted about their upcoming lunch.

The woman may not be the same person she was before the accident, but at least one detail is unchanged: she’s still The Joker’s Pumpkin.    

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[alloutofgoddesses]

Comfort Movie Tag Meme

Tagged by the always lovely @nicolorenaldigenovia - Thank you very much, L. 

Rules: List seven comfort movies and tag seven people.

1. The Little Mermaid - Red hair, mermaids, incredible songs, a crabby crab, Ursula, a love story for the ages, sneaky gay allegories! I am very much an Ariel. I am so much an Ariel that when I dressed as her for my junior year spirit week, I got sick and literally lost my voice. What can I say, I’m a method actor.

2. The Princess Diaries 2 - I would include the first one in this but... I didn’t know that there was a Princess Diaries 1 until I was around eleven. The first movie came out three months before I was born. I grew up thinking that there was only one movie where Anne Hathaway played Princess Mia, and was very excited when I found out that there was another movie (& had some confusion cleared up). Anyway, P.D. 2 captured me with the love story, mattress surfing, & Mia destroying Genovian sexism.

3. Spider-Man: Homecoming - One word. Zendaya. Actually, I have more words but that’s the main one. Starred actual teenagers, which as a teenager, I was & am all about. Had jokes I can relate to and confused my parents. Is a Spider-Man movie. That is all.

4. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - For starters, see above. It’s a Spider-Man movie. The animation is god tier, the story can & will make me cry, John Mulaney as Spider-Pig, as L said; Miles Morales. Also, Spider-Gwen wears pointe shoes which made my heart sing as a former ballerina. One of her spider powers has to be light on her feet because personally, I would never fight crime in those hell shoes. Especially not as a Spider-Person.

5. Frozen - This whole thing is basically fun fact time, but this is what I consider the most fun fact - The first time I watched this movie I was on my first date with my (ex)boyfriend. I forgot he was there. Oops. The movie is captivating, in every sense of the word. I love that the true love was actually Elsa and Anna. I love the Hans twist, I love Kristoff, I love Sven, and if you don’t love Olaf don’t talk to me. And, I immediately connected with Elsa, which I wouldn’t understand why until two years later, when I started questioning my sexuality. Elsa is an ace lesbian and I will fight  to the death over that.

6. Thor: Ragnarok - Who knew Thor could be funny? Thankfully Taika Waititi did! Ragnarok is funny as hell which was a great choice to make since the first two Thor movies are... like that. It gave me Loki as an actual anti-hero, Korg, Thor realising that his father was pretty shit at parenting, Chris Hemsworth and Mark Ruffalo showing off their comedic abilities, Cate Blanchett in a bodysuit, Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie, Jeff Goldblum being peak Jeff Goldblum. It’s also right before the disasters known as Infinity War and Endgame so bonus points. 

7. The Old Guard - I saved this one for last because well *gestures at blog* obviously. I knew I was in trouble from the very first second of Charlize’s voiceover, and had fallen completely into the deep end by the time Nicky proudly called Joe “the love of my life”. I am not going to tangent about everything I love about The Old Guard since I have multiple tags you can explore for that, but I will say that what I love most is the fandom it produced. You guys are wonderful and definitely the best thing to come out of 2020.

Tagging these seven: @thanksgiving-isnt-ur-fav-holiday @ilearnedtofirebreathe @afterlaughy @letsgetreddie @fueledbyprocrastination @readingisthenewcool and @pursuecrazylife

[squishsquonk]

psa; dat butt

[thedeaditeslayer]

The Cool Side of My Pillow Interview: A Trip Inside the Mind of Bruce Campbell.

When you mention the name Bruce Campbell, the first thing that readily springs to most people’s minds is the boomstick toting, chainsaw-wielding final guy of the Evil Dead franchise, Ash Williams. However, for some of his fans, he will be forever linked with the Harvard educated, resourceful bounty hunter, Brisco County, Jr. Then, of course, there will be those devotees of Burn Notice that will be quick to let you know that Sam Axe, the ex-Navy Seal with a love of Mojitos and Tommy Bahama shirts is their guy because we all know, “Chuck Finley is forever.” For those of you that have never had the pleasure of watching the inventive spy show, Chuck was Sam’s alias that he would use as a cover on certain operations. The mere fact that Bruce Campbell is a part of three vastly different fandoms says quite a bit about his ability as an actor as well as his likeability quotient.

A headliner on the convention circuit for years, the minute he is announced as a guest, tickets go flying out the door and venues sell out. Campbell understands what the people want and he is more than willing to give it to them which is why most promoters clamor to book him. His Q & A sessions are legendary and audiences love the way he sarcastically banters with them. In addition to being an accomplished actor, director and producer, Bruce is also a New York Times bestselling author with four books under his belt. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way and his soon to be released, The Cool Side of My Pillow.

His latest book is a collection of essays or as he would say, “rants.” This venture is unlike any of the previous mentioned titles and perhaps his most personal effort to date. In a sense, you get to take a trip inside Campbell’s mind. He expresses his feelings and opinions on a variety of topics from current events and social media to his code of ethics. I was fortunate enough to chat with Bruce about The Cool Side of My Pillow, and his future projects. After reading his book, you come away with the knowledge of how genuine and thoughtful he is which is refreshing in this day and age.

Diabolique: What I like so much about The Cool Side of My Pillow is your honesty. Your writing style makes the reader feel as if they are having an intimate conversation with you. You don’t hold anything back. There are certain aspects in the book which made me feel a tad uncomfortable because you shared some information that was deeply personal, in my mind. I don’t know if I would have included some of the things that you did.

BC: Oh, sure. You always have to decide where you stop. Where is the line? For me, it depends on the type of book. It depends on the type of subject matter. Every project is different.

Diabolique: Were some of the subjects you tackled cathartic for you?

BC: I don’t normally do that sort of stuff. I’m happy to share if I feel something is useful. In the chapter, “What Are You On?” I’m not ragging on people who have habits. I have habits that was the point. There are very few people that just go through their daily life without jacking themselves up, knocking themselves down, knocking themselves out, you know? So, its kind of amazing. The human condition fascinates me.

Diabolique: “A Little Effort Goes a Long Way” is one of my favorite segments. A tale of hard work, ingenuity and perseverance. Which is key to succeeding in the entertainment industry. Where does your drive come from? Some people can pinpoint it to relatives, a mentor…

BC: I do attribute some of it to the Detroit metro area. A lot of my buddies worked on the line, they worked in the factories, it was a great summer job that paid really good money. In Detroit, it was weird. There weren’t a lot of discussions about hopes and dreams. But I could see things happen incrementally that encouraged us. My grandfather worked for ALCOA Aluminum for over 40 years. Would he want to do that job? Was it his favorite job? He wouldn’t even know; it was his only job. He had that job for his whole adult life. My dad wanted to be a painter. I call him a “go betweener” because he didn’t do exactly what he wanted to do but he didn’t do what he didn’t want to do. He got into advertising because it was sort of creative but it wasn’t creative enough so he got into community theater which was more creative. That filled a very strong niche for him and so he kind of straddled the line and then I came along. He allowed me to pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted to do in whatever industry I wanted. He was the first investor in Evil Dead. So, I benefited from the transition of ONLY having drive. Meaning, you just go to work, it doesn’t matter what the job is. The next generation is, “Well, the job kinda matters.” My generation is, “The job matters a hundred percent,” because it determines what you’ve decided to do with your life. So, I am grateful for having enough drive but grateful for being injected with enough freedom of thought to then do my own thing. Partly the drive is the Midwest because you put a tie on, put your sport coat on and you go to work. Get your briefcase, shine your shoes and off you go.

Diabolique: Do you think it is important if you want to be in the arts to have a benefactor? Not necessarily monetarily but someone who encourages you like your dad?

BC: Well, my mom did sort of amateur writing so she was sympathetic at least to that side of the arts. She liked that creative side. My dad was way more interested in acting. So, I saw him in plays and stuff. I definitely benefitted because I had a sensibility that was similar to my dad. My two older brothers could give a shit about acting. They never touched it. I think my dad saw, “Hey, the young guy likes acting just like me.” That was probably an advantage.

Diabolique: Another thing about that particular section that is fascinating to note is your resourcefulness. The anecdote that you recount about having to come up with a way to deliver newspapers in a horrendous snowstorm and the lengths that you went to just to do your job is inspiring. I feel like that isn’t something that would be done by the younger generation, these days.

BC: We were pre-slackers and again, this isn’t to sound like a crabby, old guy on a hill shouting down about the great old days, at that time there were no other options. Our boss dropped off these papers at the top of a hill. That was as far as his van could go. He dumped the whole thing on me and my brother. We delivered them together (the resolution involved Bruce donning hockey skates and a toboggan). So, we thought okay. There was no option of saying, “Dude, I can’t do it. They’re just not going to get their papers today.” That would be the current response. You would wait until the roads were plowed, like that night, and then you would get your damn paper the next day and you’d end up getting two papers. It wasn’t an option. There was nothing in my upbringing that said, you can tell your boss, no. Now, if I thought it would have been very dangerous or life threatening, I probably would have said, no but short of that, there was a slightly different mentality in the air. You did what you were fucking told, for the most part which is a little bit different now.

Diabolique: “The Princess Di Factor” was a thought-provoking chapter because you talk about the click-baiting, disinformation and too much information that occurs on social media. Some of your peers have their PR reps handle their feeds but you are very present in yours. Do you think someone who is interested in getting into show business has to obtain “influencer” status?

BC: I think there is certainly pressure to do it. The old actors when they were doing a film could get away with telling the local studio, “By the way, I don’t do social media.” They say, “I’ve never done it. I don’t have a Twitter feed. I’m not starting now.” They can get away with it. But a younger thespian has a website and at least two or three social media platforms. I think its important to get a distinction of what are using them for? Facebook is all mercenary. Whenever I post, its just for a link to get tickets. I just do that to keep the account warm but I won’t add to it. That one is really inflammatory. They are finally starting to take the misinformation down. It should just be illegal. The stats are mind boggling. Something like 65% of the people who refuse to do social distancing and stuff like that get their information from YouTube. Its not news sources. Its like the Wild West. I think it needs to be settled. I would introduce journalistic standards and practices where by if you tell a little white lie, you get yanked and if you get fact checked and the facts say you’re wrong, that gets yanked.

Diabolique: At the beginning of your book, you discuss the toll of COVID-19 isolation and changes to the convention and motion picture industries. After presenting the Ashland Independent Film Festival awards virtually, do you think conventions might go that route in the future? San Diego Comic Con has gone entirely online which is surprising. Galaxy Con is another.

BC: If we don’t straighten this out, yeah. Sports are going to be weird for a while. Large venues are just going to be strange. How are you going to figure out the San Diego Comic Con? How are they going to make people feel comfortable jamming 125,000 people over a four-day period into that convention center which is already elbow to elbow and unhealthy? I don’t know. I’ve talked to promoters about a bunch of different things. I’m doing a Drive-In tour. Also, some theaters have opened up again so I am going to encourage and reward that so I have added five theater dates for later this summer: Austin, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City and San Antonio. I’m getting back out on the road. This is not a tour year at all but when I heard that drive-ins were making a comeback, I thought let me be part of that. Some of them are struggling to open and I want to help. I’m tired of being on the sidelines. I want to get back into it. Drive-ins are perfect. You’ve got your distance. I can go up to cars and hassle them and there’s no problem. I can shine my flashlight in the cars, see if people are having sex, there’s a lot of fun stuff we can do. I want to be the first guy they meet when they come into the place to park. I want to be the guy that parks everybody. It’s time. Everyone wants to feel normal again. Eat the meatloaf sandwich. Going to the drive-in is the oldest meatloaf sandwich you could ever eat. Bring the hooch. Hide it under the seat. Bring a cooler, bring your reefer…

Diabolique: In The Cool Side of My Pillow, you mentioned that you were going to attend San Diego Comic Con, New York Comic Con and the 2020 Electronics Expo which were all canceled due to the pandemic. Were you going to promote the Evil Dead game?

BC: That’s what I was going to do. That’s what I was going to those conventions for.

Diabolique: What’s the status on it?

BC: I have been looking at and approving a bunch of new stuff. They are full-fledged, full bore into it. I think they are talking 2021 for an actual release. Its rolling along, looking great. It got delayed because of the nightmare of video games. Platforms change and evolve. You look at somebody else’s games and go, “Shit! We have to change everything now.” We have to stay current. I have to finish doing the voice work.

Diabolique: I know you are aware of all the rumors surrounding potential work in the future. You even mentioned in your book that you had a few offers. Is there a possibility that you might show up in Doctor Strange 2 and Mall Rats 2?

BC: The Kevin Smith thing could happen if it all winds up together but we haven’t had serious conversations about it. For Dr. Strange, everyone is at the mercy of what Marvel is going to do and this backlog of movies they’re going to do now. So, I think it won’t be until 2021. Marvel has to figure this all out. They have to figure out what movies they are going to do next, what movies they are going to delay, what movies they are going to shit can, what movies they are going to advance and speed up…the marketplace is ever fluid.

Diabolique: Do you have a release date in mind for The Cool Side of My Pillow?

BC: I have to say summer. We’re blasting away. We’re finishing graphics and photos and all that. We’re doing some legal crap. I’m starting a publishing company too. Tartan Media is going to release it. It will be my Campbell clan logo. It will be just to put things out. Movies, TV shows, whatever. That’s the new shingle.

Diabolique: Is there anything else on the horizon?

BC: Because the book isn’t going through Simon & Schuster, they’ll kind of have to find it where they find it. I’ll tweet about it. It will hopefully be available later this summer through Audible. I am going to do the audio book myself within the next two weeks because I want the e-book and the audiobook to come out at the same time. That way it gives you a choice. I want this to be a summer read.

Diabolique: Any updates on Bruce vs Frankenstein?

BC:  With Bruce vs Frankenstein, I talked with Mike Richardson, who is my partner on this and we’re going to start with a graphic novel. So, I am going to adapt the screenplay. We’re going to put that out first so people in the industry can get a better sense of it. Mike has been selling a lot of projects to Netflix and he said that’s kind of the way to go with his material and fantasy stuff so he suggested we do that first. We’ll get a great artist, sell it in comic book form, people can totally see it and as a director, its kind of like doing storyboards. It’s a tremendous amount of extra prep that I can do just by going through it because I actually have to think about pages, panels and descriptions. It’s a format that’s not my normal format. Screenplay format, I can fart, I got that down. This is different with the way it looks on the page so it will be a very interesting translation process.

Diabolique: Are you doing any projects outside of Tartan Media?

BC: There’s this movie, 18 ½. It’s directed by Dan Mirvish. He’s with Slamdance. The story is about the missing minutes of the Nixon tapes and what happened to those minutes. Originally, I got hired to play a character in the movie and I couldn’t do it for a number of reasons and then the guy came back and asked if I would play Nixon.

Diabolique: So, the audience will just hear you?

BC: Yes. Apparently, it’s this 18-minute-long fight scene where you will hear Nixon in the background. Ted Raimi comes into play Alexander Haig and Jon Cryer is playing Haldeman. We did all these sessions over Zoom and we each recorded them separately (saying this in Nixon’s voice) having our conversations. They will put it all together and put it in the background.

Diabolique: Anything new to report on Evil Dead?  

BC: The official name is Evil Dead Rise. We’re getting a new draft in. I don’t think anything will happen until 2021. Full bore ahead, we’re very excited about it. A whole, new ballgame. No more cabin in the woods.

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 12

I everyone enjoying their week? I hope so? It’s been pretty busy for me recently but that’s alright :) Makes the time move quick I guess!

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse​

Master List here or check the tag Ikesen AFK

Warnings: Alcohol

Happy Reading, T~

Level 12

You weren’t sure exactly why you were so jittery. You played video games with these people, how bad of an impression could you really be leaving? Technically they already knew you; they were just putting a face to a name. Crap. You made sure to glare at Rose while she pushed the door to the room open. 

“Look who I found?” her voice was chipper as you both entered. 

“A hobo?” Yukimura asked, only to receive a stern look from the broad-chested redhead next to him. 

“Bite me.” You shot back as you walked into the darkroom.

“With pleasure. I’m sure you taste as sweet as you look.” The redhead beside Yukimura spoke up.

“Excuse me?” You asked, sharing a collective eye roll with your friends. If that wasn’t Shingen you weren’t sure what you were going to make it out of of this situation.

“I said I’m sure you taste-”

“Yea, no, I heard you. I was giving you a chance to change your answer since you’ve got to be kidding.” Your eyes scrunched as you grabbed your drink and headed for the empty spot beside Sasuke. 

“I would never lie about a woman’s beauty. Especially with someone as effervescent as yourself.” You caught sight of a vague hand motion and decided you were done with the conversation. 

“Okay, well, thanks. Can I sit here? Is it safe to sit here?” You asked, pointing at the unoccupied spot in the booth.

“Depends.” Sasuke’s response was short, but he scooted over towards the blonde beside him anyway. 

“Depends on?” You paused, hoping he would answer your question. When he didn’t, you looked towards the man beside him who gave you minimal attention. “Alrighty then. We gonna do names, or do you prefer to be identified by your hair color?”

“I’d prefer not to be identified.” The blonde spoke up as he poured himself what looked to be more sake. 

“You know me as Shingen, happy to finally meet you face to face Princess.” Bingo. Shingen bowed before holding a glass of his own up in your direction in a toast before sipping his drink. “The sourpuss over there is Kenshin. Don’t mind him, he’s always like that. You already knew that though didn’t you?”

“I probably should have been able to guess who they were, shouldn’t I?” You leaned over and whispered the question into Sasuke’s ear. 

“Yes, but it’s always good to clarify.” He attempted a smile, and you returned it with ease. 

“So no Yoshi? You guys forget to invite him?” You wondered as you polished off another drink. Starting to feel a little less crabby. Maybe you’d eventually be happy you’d gone out. 

“Unfortunately he’s at work, so he was unable to attend. He was invited, though.” Sasuke clarified. 

“I’ll tell him you were asking about him.” Shingen smiled, “He’ll be happy to know a beautiful goddess like yourself was asking for him.”

“You don’t have to do that. In fact, if you’re going to phrase it like that, I’d prefer you didn’t. I can give him hell for it myself.” You cringed.

The rest of the night seemed to go by without a hitch once the introductions were over. You were pretty sure that Kenshin finished the entire bottle of sake himself, which sounds even more impressive when you account for how sober he acted. Shingen kept his beverage intake to a minimum, but the man packed more sweets away than anyone you’d ever seen before. The sheer thought of how much sugar he had consumed made your stomach roll. Rose, Yukimura, and Sasuke were sufficiently sauced, and you made a mental note to be as loud as humanly possible tomorrow morning at work, assuming they all showed up. 

Either way, you smiled to yourself as you walked home. The, now definitely colder, air nipping at your skin. In a spur of the moment decision, you decided to stop by the convenience store and pick up some snacks on the way home and warm your hands up for a brief moment. A little drunker than you intended, you mumbled about the minimal selection of artisan chips while the man behind the counter just snickered at you. 

Whatever, you weren’t wrong. The chip selection here sucked, how were salt and vinegar the only flavor they had beside plain? Screw it. Picking a random bag off the shelf, you stalked off towards the counter and let the bag tumble out of your hands.

“This all you gettin?” he asked an amused twinkle in his visible blue eye.

“Well, it’s really all you’ve got, so, unfortunately, yes.” Your expression still sour, the crankiness from the day rushing back in.

The young man laughed out loud, and you couldn’t hide the blush on your cheeks, mentally scolding yourself for thinking the man making fun of you at the convenience store was hot. 

“What if I told you I had a secret stash?” The humor never leaving his expression. 

“I’d say it sounds like a good way for me to get kidnapped, mugged, or arrested. So no thanks, I’ll stick with my garbage chip decision.” You rest your elbows on the counter wondering when he’d ring you out, if ever. 

This time his laugh was contagious, and you found yourself unable to fight the smile as you handed him the two whole dollars the bag cost. 

“Stop by again sometime. Maybe rethink that chip decision?” He smirked as he handed you your plastic bag and receipt. 

“Maybe I will.” You smiled at him, only sort of aware you still looked like a homeless woman. 

“Alright then! See you around Kitten, be safe getting home at this hour.” He called after you as you walked through the door. Fighting the urge to pause and ask him who he was, and if he happened to play Endless Isle. 

No, there was no way. Kitten was a typical enough nickname, right? You shake your head at the implication of your lost train of thought and the simple pet name. Definitely too much alcohol, it was time for bed. 

[writingismyhappytime]

Marry Me (Part 8)

Ricky Horror X Reader

Warnings: Language

"Are you sure something isn't wrong with Claire?" You ask after a moment, watching as Ricky packs some boxes into the back of your car, his face creased in aggravation. "Chloe says she's sick a lot, maybe she's been going to doctors appointments."

"On the weekends? That was the third time she's put Chloe off on us when she's supposed to have her." Ricky grumbles, lifting another box into the trunk with a grimace. He shouldn't be complaining, but it's just frustrating! Usually when he gets Chloe, he has a plan, how to keep her entertained, what food to buy that she actually eats, but when Claire just springs it on him, he's completely unprepared!

"Well, the entire reason we're married is so that you could get her more, right?" You're not seeing the problem. Why is he complaining about it now when this is exactly what you wanted? "You're supposed to have your hearing next week about custody, you can say you've pretty much had her this entire time."

"True," your husband sighs as he closes the trunk heavily, leaning against it as he looks at you with a tired look on his face. He crosses his arms with a frown. "I've just not had any time to prepare for it. If Claire's sick, she needs to let me know so we can work through it. I can take Chloe more if she needs."

"Maybe she's afraid you'll take Chloe away from her, she's her daughter after all. She's good to Chloe, she's happy." you remind him, because it's the truth; Chloe is a happy child, and both of her parents clearly love her; you're not going to hate Claire simply because her relationship didn't work out with Ricky, she's still a good mother from what you can see. You know they're both going to trash the hell out of each other when they're in the courtroom, but they better not do it in front of their child.

"I never said Claire was a bad mother, she's just... difficult, sometimes. I want to see my daughter more than once a month."

"Well, you have lately," you reply, glancing up at the house Ricky shares with Ryan. He needed a few more things from his old room, so you'd offered to drive him over, it wouldn't hurt for the two of you to be seen out in public. You brush your hair behind your ears, your hands going to your hips. "I think she's mostly doing it to spoil the free time we have together, if you want my opinion. Kinda like a last-ditch effort to foil our supposed happiness."

"You think that's what it is?" Ricky rubs the back of his neck. He doesn't want to just completely villanize the mother of his child, but they're not together for a reason. She's so demanding, and everything he does is wrong, it should have ended way before they had Chloe. He tried to stay longer because of her, but it just... they couldn't get along. He wishes things were different, that they could be a happy family, but they weren't meant to be together.

"Well, I can't read her mind, but I'm guessing. Either way, we have this weekend to ourselves. What dastardly deeds do you need to do?" You glance at your watch. You took the day off so you're not working, and it's been the first one since the wedding. "Why don't we get some food?"

"Food sounds great." Ricky agrees easily, opening his door. "Italian?"

"It's like you read my mind." You smile, making sure the trunk is closed good before tossing yourself into the drivers seat. You always have this fear of it randomly opening while you're driving down the road.

"You just always want Italian, that's all," he's got you figured out after living with you for almost an entire month. You are not a morning person, you like your coffee black, and you definitely do kick in your sleep. He's not commented about the fact you always end up on his side of the bed, he kind of likes it if he's being truthful. He always liked waking up with someone beside him, there's a comfort to it, he guesses.

"Are you saying I'm predictable?"

"I'm saying you like what you like," he replies carefully, and you send him a wry look as you start the car. It had been nice to see Ryan, who'd looked kind of lonely when the two of you were leaving. He hadn't commented that he knew about your fake marriage, but you suppose that's not something you bring up casually; it just seems weird that he knows the truth, but he's still acting like nothing is different.

You and Ricky are trying to make it work, after all. He's splitting the bills with you, which is a total help financially. Your water and electricity bill has of course gone up with someone else living with you, but it evens out with the fact he cooks and you don't have too. Your refrigerator has more food in it now than it ever has, not to mention there are crayons all over your apartment, and some random princess dolls you found half-hidden in your couch cushions. Chloe had no issue moving in, that's for sure. She seems to like her room since she's kind of made it her own.

"Do you think they're still waiting for the baby announcement?" You ask after a moment as you pull out into traffic.

"Oh, probably. Has your aunt asked about it again?"

"God, yes. It's like every time we talk she's asking if we're planning on having any kids soon." You huff, irked. "I don't know how many times I've told her that we want to wait."

"I don't think I could handle another kid anyway. Chloe is such a handful." Ricky groans, propping his arm along the window, running his fingers through his hair. "Could you imagine having an infant screaming all night in that small apartment? Your neighbors would hear."

"I don't have neighbors."

"Exactly!"

"I doubt it would be that bad," you cluck, pursing your lips together as you try to decide if you can run that yellow light or not --- maybe not. "I mean, I'm not sure about the whole screaming thing, but people do it all the time."

"Sure they do, but they also don't sleep."

You do treasure your sleep. "Is it really that bad?"

"Just until they get on a schedule, and then you sort of get used to it. Claire always made Chloe stay in a different room, so she wouldn't want to sleep with us all the time."

"Oh. But Chloe has slept with us pretty much every time she's been over."

"Yeah," Ricky frowns. "At first I thought it was because it was a new place and it freaked her out, now I think she's just a mooch."

You snort in surprise, glancing at him. "A mooch?"

"Well, I mean that in like, well, nevermind." Ricky flushes. He thinks it's because Chloe likes the fact it's almost like having two parents who like each other, sleeping in the same bed because she's scared. "I guess it's because I'm letting her get away with it."

"Well, it's not like we're having sex, so there's not any concern over that." You flip your blinker a little harder than necessary. You wouldn't mind having sex, if you're being honest, but it's Ricky, and that would be weird. It's just that you've been spending so much time together now, you're so comfortable with each other. You haven't shared a kiss since your wedding, but it had been such a good kiss.

He'd surprised you.

It doesn't matter, not really. You think it's just that weird time of the month where your hormones must be off, so you just dismiss it. You've just gotten to know him so much lately you're kind of thinking of him differently, although he does have little habits that annoy you.

Talking on the phone late at night, pacing incessantly, letting Chloe get away with murder. You don't feel like you should say anything because she's not your daughter and this marriage is a sham, but he really needs to tighten the reins just a little. Is he just letting her do whatever so she wants to stay with him more often, or is he just that lenient?

She's a very good kid, but every child has their rebellious moments, and now that the little girl is settling in, you're seeing more of it. That's normal, though, right? You've never been around a lot of kids, so you don't really know what to do, but you're trying.

Ricky doesn't say anything, and you finally stop at the restaurant. You stretch your arms above your head with a sigh, leaning back into your seat. "How many times have we eat here in the past few months?"

"I'm pretty sure we have stock in there now," Ricky says as he unbuckles, reaching for the door. "Come on, I'll buy your breadsticks."

"Ah, bringing out the big bucks, are we? You really do want to get laid."

"(Y/N)," Ricky rolls his eyes, his cheeks tinging. Why is that suddenly on your mind? You're just friends. Not bringing sex into the equation is the best thing to do in this situation, it would only make everything incredibly complicated. You're supposed to get a quiet divorce after all of this is over. He wants it to go as smoothly as possible.

You chuckle, the two of you heading for the steps to the door, the staff greeting you familiarly. You're lead to the same table Ricky proposed to you at, and you notice the hostess eyeballing the diamond on your finger as she seats you, offering you menus. Yes, it's a nice ring, but it means absolutely nothing.

"Do you think this is just our table now?" You ask after a moment, not bothering to look at the food options; you know what you want. "They always seat us here."

"Well, as much as we're here, it should be." Ricky responds, sort of tired of the lasagna he always gets. He only mentioned Italian because it's your favorite, not because it's what he's wanting. He glances up at you, noticing that you're gazing out over the balcony, watching the cars go by.

Is something bothering you today? You've been sort of crabby, but he didn't wake you up early this morning, you slept in, so that's not the problem. Whatever has you in such a mood, he wishes it would pass.

"Do you want dessert?" He asks after a moment, lowering the menu. "I don't think we've tried much of those yet."

"Oh, you can pick." you reply, not sounding interested. You force a smile at the waitress as she stops by, dropping off the breadsticks and your drinks. You both place your orders, and you reach for the wine glass.

It's barely three PM and you're drinking.

"Is everything okay?" Ricky asks after a moment, crossing his arms along the tablecloth. If you didn't want to come with him today, you didn't have too, he could have driven himself. He never asked you to do anything. Is the situation starting to wear on you? Are you regretting marrying him and having Chloe around? He knows you're not used to kids, but it's not like she's there all the time, either.

"Yeah, it's fine," you reply, not about to tell him the real reason you're cranky. It'll pass, and usually if you're a little tipsy it helps. "Do you mind driving us home?"

"No." He sort of figured he would be when you ordered alcohol. He watches as you drain the glass rather than savor it, gesturing at the waitress for a refill. "But why are you drinking this early?"

"I wasn't aware I had to have a reason."

O-kay then. Ricky leans back in his seat, deciding not to ask another question before you bite his head off. You seem to like the decision, and it's a quiet dinner. Ricky mostly plays on his phone as you gaze out over the balcony, tapping your finger constantly against the glass. You don't even really enjoy the breadsticks, and finally you sigh.

"I'm sorry," you say after a moment, noticing he's barely touched his food. He's picked at it a little, and he's not said a word to you after you snapped at him. You didn't mean to get all hostile with him, it came out before you could stop it. You're just tired, it's been completely different since Chloe has actually been staying with you so often, your routine is all messed up. You know you'll have to get used to it, and you shouldn't take it out on him. "I'm just all weird today. I'll be fine when we get back to the apartment and I can take a nap."

"No, it's alright, I get it. I'm sort of imposing on you." He mutters; you were used to living alone, and now he's there all the time. It's more like the two of you are roommates, but he still feels like he's invading your space. Maybe he should spend the next couple of nights at Ryans, give you some time alone. "I can crash at Ryan's for a bit if that helps."

"No, don't do that, that would be weird." You sigh, shaking your head. You're not sure why you're in a mood, you'll just have to get over it. You don't want to be a dick to him.  "He'll think I kicked you out and guilt me."

"He's not going to guilt you."

"He'll totally do it in that super passive-aggressive way that he has about him."

"Nah."

"Ricky, you know him. He'll not say a word, but you know he's judging in here." You tap your forehead, just so he knows what you mean. "He's just too nice to say it."

Ahuh.

"Why don't we get the rest of this to go?" He changes the subject as he gestures at the food. "We can finish up at the apartment. I need to run some errands in town, pick up a few things for practice tomorrow."

"Is the album coming along?"

"Pretty well. We're supposed to have some shows coming up soon where we're gonna play some of the new songs."

Oh, right, about that.

"Do I need to keep Chloe when you're doing shows and tour and stuff?" You ask after a moment, it's something you never cleared up with him. Like, is he supposed to still get his normal weekends, you just stand in instead? You kind of need to know, since you typically work Saturdays, because you're not sure what you're going to do with her. You've kept her for a few hours at a time on and off throughout the years, Ricky trusts you with her, but never for an extended time. Even now Ricky is the one mostly interacting with her while you're busy.

"Oh, uh," Ricky hasn't thought about that. He tries to think of the dates for his shows and what weekends they correspond with, but he'll have to check the studio calendar since they've not been announced yet. "I haven't thought about that, actually."

"Well, the entire point of this," you gesture vaguely between the two of you, "is so that the judge thinks there's a stable place for her when you're off touring, so don't they kind of expect me to keep her? I don't mind."

"You don't?"

"No, you know I don't. I'd just like to know ahead of time."

"I'll check the dates for the shows, see when they are," he replies, rubbing the back of his neck. He taps his fingers nervously against the table. "You sure you'll be okay with her, though?"

"It's not like we're going to go burn down houses or something, Ricky, it'll be fine. I've kept her before plenty of times."

Yeah, but not... for days.

"You know this means you'll have to pick her up from Claire, drop her off to Claire. There's cooking, and entertaining, and playing dolls." He reminds, trying to think of anything to dissuade you. It's not that he doesn't get what you're saying, but that's his kid, and he just --- well, you're his wife now, legally speaking, so he knows you should be helping take care of Chloe. It just makes him nervous, he guesses. Chloe is his responsibility, not yours, and he hates to put that off on you. You're probably one of the best friends he has at the moment, you know everything that's going on; he doesn't know where he'd be without you, or how panicked he'd be about the court date coming up. It's really important to him that he gets fair custody of his daughter, even if he's going on tour --- so yeah, pretty much you're going to have to keep her in his absence.

"Trust me, I can play some mean Princess Paulie when I want too." You reply, amused. Does he think you haven't been forced to play dolls before? "It's going to be fine, really."

God he hopes so.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Ricky, seriously, it's fine," you sigh, the phone propped against your shoulder and ear as you wrestle with an incredibly tight lug nut on the wheel of a car; you've been trying for ten minutes to loosen it up, but it won't come off at all! Jesus, how tight did the previous shop put it on there? "It's just a few hours out of town, do you think I couldn't function without you before?"

"I know, but it's unexpected," Ricky stresses, his voice crackly with the distance. You know he's pacing back and forth. "It's a show in Colorado, but then I should be right back! It's just a big break for us to promote our album, and no one knew about it until now, but I hate ---."

"You're worried about Chloe? It's the middle of the week, she's at her mom's. I doubt you have to worry." You reply, straightening a little as you give the tire a frustrated kick, only to cringe in pain. He found out about it this morning, hastily shoved a ton of his things in a suitcase, packed a few guitars, and took off like his ass was on fire without too much of an explanation. "You'll be back by tonight anyway, you're not going to the moon."

Ricky huffs in your ear. "You could really sound like you missed me more."

Oh, were you supposed to? You wonder if the guys can hear your conversation, you know you're not on speaker but Ricky does leave his volume loud enough Helen Keller could hear every word. You hesitate --- maybe you should pretend you do miss him. Like, you're supposed to be in your honeymoon phase, right? You've barely been married a month.

Your eyes flick to your guys, but everyone is actually working today, and they don't notice as you slip into your office, closing the door behind you.

"Well, I do miss you." You say after a moment, hearing Ricky pause in surprise. "Every moment without you is like a piece of my soul is missing."

You know he's scowling, and you can't help but grin. Does he want a show? You'll give a show. "I miss you already, snookums. I can't wait till you get back tonight, I'll make sure to keep the bed nice and warm, heat the blankets just like how you want them. Maybe we can sip some hot cocoa, and we can play that game you like with the feather duster and the handcuffs----."

You hear a sudden cackle of laughter in the background as Ricky curses, and you laugh, knowing someone must have heard. No one's going to let the feather duster thing go, which is what you're counting on. You hope they rag him about it the entire time he's on the plane.

"Goddamnit, (Y/N)."

"So how much do you miss me now?" You tease, giggling.

"Oh, he's never going to let this go," Ricky groans, the call cutting out for several seconds before coming back. "Shit, okay, I gotta go, the plane's boarding. I'll see you tonight."

"Right-o. Have a safe flight."

You end the call, biting your lip in amusement. He's going to get you back for that, but you just couldn't help it! You're not sure who overheard, but no doubt he'll tell you all about it when he gets back. You might regret it later, but totally worth it.

You leave your phone on the desk, cracking your knuckles as you return to the car you were working on. You're getting this tire off one way or another.

~~~~~~~~~

"Yo, boss!"

"What?" You scowl as you lean up, halfway through jacking up a car so you can change the flat tire. It took you twenty minutes and two other guys, not to mention two different lug wrenches! You've never had a car be so difficult before in your life! You squint as you see one of your guys in the office, holding the corded phone in his greased hand.

"There's a call for you, some school." he says, waving the white phone at you.

"School?" You say in confusion. "Is it, like, a telemarketer?"

You never went to college, not like you could afford it, and you're not going to start now. You haven't been to high school in ages, and you can't imagine why some stupid school would be calling you. You're a half mind to tell him to just hang up, but for some reason you stand, wiping the black marks off your fingers as you start towards him.

"Take over for me," you sigh as you take the phone, and he nods, starting towards the car you were almost done with. You frown down at the phone as you close the office door behind you, immediately cutting half the garage noise down by half.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Rebecca James from Franklin Elementary School, is this (Y/N) Olson?"

Uh, right, that's you.

"Yes." You hesitate, wondering why --- oh shit! "Is Chloe okay?" You demand, a light bulb suddenly going off. Ricky said he would be putting you down as an emergency contact for the school, just in the event something ever did happen and neither of her parents answered. You never thought that day would come, Ricky's typically glued to his cellphone, but ---.

"Oh, she's just a little sick, we need someone to come pick her up from school for the day." the lady on the phone replies, sounding sympathetic."There's just a stomach bug going around and I believe she got it. I attempted to call her mother and father, but it went to voicemail."

"Oh, it's okay, I'll be right there." You reply, glancing down at yourself. "Does she need anything?"

"She should be alright, she's in the nurses office."

"Okay, thank you." You listen to the call end, grimacing.

You don't even know how to get to the elementary school! Thank god for GPS, but you better change real quick, don't want to go in there covered in tar after all. Shit, now you're going to have to leave the shop again, and you hate doing that, you feel like you've been so absent lately as it is!

You give the garage a nervous glance through your blinds before sighing.

Well, stepmomhood, right?

You sort of signed on for this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Is this the right school? You hope so. You nervously step up to the little counter, noticing the wall murals of apples and trees, little bees dancing happily around them with fingerprints all about. It smells like glue and lunch, thanks to the cafeteria being the first thing you notice when you walk in, and why is everything so tiled?

"Um, excuse me," you hesitate, peeping through the glass in front of you at the lady at the desk; why do you feel like you're looking at a bank teller? She looks up from doing... whatever it is she's doing, giving you an expectant look as her eyes flick over you; you know you look disheveled, you threw on different clothes, didn't fix your hair, and took off in a hurry. "I'm here to pick up Chloe Olson, she's sick?"

"Oh, you must be her mother. Right this way, Mrs. Olson." The lady stands before you can state that you are in fact not her mother, disappearing around the table out of your sight. You withhold a sigh as you turn, watching as she opens a glass door and urges you into a small office with fake, rubber plants and uncomfortable seating, gesturing to the right.

Oh, well, the door labeled Nurse, that must be the one. You take a few hesitant steps forward, glancing around uneasily; you don't like little kid schools, they're almost creepy with all their forced positivity and brightly dressed secretaries; is it school code they all have to wear yellow and pearls?

Who the hell can even afford pearls?

"Chloe, sweetie?" the lady knocks lightly on the nurse door before opening it. "Your mother is here to pick you up. Oh, poor thing's asleep, Rebecca, this is Mrs. Olson."

You suddenly don't want to be Mrs. Olson. Your eyes flick over to the lady rising out of those uncomfortable blue chairs every school seems to have, her eyes coming to meet yours with a smile as the other lady leaves. She gestures you inside, and you reluctantly let the door close behind you; why do you feel like you're in trouble?

"Hello, we spoke on the phone. I'm Rebecca," the nurse offers her hand, which you find is absolutely freezing.

"Er, I'm (Y/N), her dad's wife. I mean, her stepmom, I guess." You mutter, flustered. The only time you ever went to any of the office's at school was because you were in trouble for fighting or something, which you suppose is maybe why it makes you uncomfortable now. You never went to the nurse, mainly because you thought you were too tough for it as a kid --- being raised by your dad in a car shop probably didn't exactly do you much good growing up personality wise. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, she's napping right now," the nurse keeps her voice soft. "But she could use some rest at home, maybe some soup and medicine for her tummy. Were you able to get ahold of her parents?"

"Ricky's on a trip right now, he'll be back tonight. I don't know what Claire's doing," you sigh, your eyes flicking to Chloe when she shuffles. You step over to her when she starts to sit up, rubbing her eyes. "Hey, sweetpea, you doing okay?"

"(Y/N)?" Chloe sniffles as she sees you, and you realize she's been crying. Oh no, does she feel that bad? You're not sure if you have any medicine at home, you'll have to stop and get some for her, what does she normally take? She does look a little pale, was she able to keep anything on her stomach? Has she been throwing up? Should you take her to the doctor? You don't know anything about her insurance, you don't have her cards, you're so not prepped for this!

"Hey," you absently brush her hair out of her eyes, sitting down on the edge of the green bed like you would typically see in a doctors office. "I'm gonna take you home, okay?"

"Where's Daddy?" Chloe grimaces, and it's clear she doesn't feel well, no faking at all. She's pale, her lips are bloodless, cheeks don't have the usual pink hue. She's not really the kid to pretend to be sick, either.

"He's on a trip, so he sent me." You reply, leaning down to lift her backpack over your shoulder. Oh how cute, it's Minnie Mouse, it even has the ears on top. "We're gonna go home and get some rest , he'll be here tonight."

"Mommy?"

"I'll have to call her," you hedge, you have no idea what her mother is doing. Shouldn't she be more attentive!? You're not sure what kind of job she works or what she does, but if she noticed a call from her child's school within the last hour, she should have called by now! You have her number, Ricky made you take just in case, but you really don't want to have to call her. Ricky is going to have a coronary when he realizes the one day he goes out of town, his daughter gets sick, so you'll have to text him before his plane lands.

Chloe sighs in disappointment, but she slips off the plastic looking bed, only to suddenly whiten. The nurse lifts up a tiny bucket you hadn't noticed before, having it at the little girls lips before she even gets sick --- wow that lady is fast.

Oh dear.

"Are you sure it's just a virus?" You worry as the child spills her guts, sitting down in the floor and starting to cry big tears that tug at you. You kneel down beside her, her grubby fingers immediately curling in your t shirt as she turns her face to your chest.

"Oh, yes, it's going around right now," the nurse shrugs, as if this is something she deals with on a daily basis. She wipes gently at Chloe's lips, sighing. "Some orange juice and some sleep should help, but a visit to the doctor wouldn't hurt either."

Right.

You should really get a copy of her insurance.

She has some right?

Oh lord you better take her home.

~~~~~~~~~

The fact you had to carry Chloe from the car and up the stairs to your apartment is probably one of the toughest five minutes of your life. Not to mention she's heavy, you're apparently not that strong, but stairs --- how does Ricky make this look so easy?

The only person you've ever had to care for when they're sick is yourself, your dad never let you see him feeling bad, he always seemed so strong. But you find that it doesn't bother you too much, holding Chloe's hair back or telling her it's going to be alright as she cries and whimpers because she feels terrible. You've tried calling Claire about eight times, but she's still not answering you, maybe because she doesn't know your number?

Ricky is already having a heart attack, but his plane is supposed to have landed already, so he's on his way back to the apartment. You assured him it was just a stomach bug when you finally got through to him, that she was fine, and he has to have called her mom by now right?

It's fine if Chloe stays the night, you just don't know why Claire isn't looking for her child. Where is the woman?

"I feel so bad," Chloe sighs as you help her towel dry her hair, urging her to step on a towel so it can soak up some of the water on the tiles below. You're not sure which one of you splashed water everywhere, but it's everywhere. Even you're damp and you didn't do anything!

"I know, sweetpea, but you'll feel better tomorrow. Just keep drinking the magic pink potion, remember?" You say lightly --- it's literally off-brand Pepto bismal, it's all you had at home but at least it was in date. She didn't seem to mind the taste too much, and she didn't immediately spill her guts afterward, so at least it's in her system by now. You thought calling it a magic potion would lean her to actually drinking it than saying it was medicine, and it worked!

"Daddy will be home soon," you tell her as you finish her hair. You thought maybe a bath would make her feel better, it always does you, so at least now she's cleaned up. You threw one of Ricky's t shirts on her, so of course it's too big and almost brushes her toes, but she looks cute. It was just the first thing you saw in his room and you didn't want to rifle for her pajamas --- it almost felt like you were invading his space.

"Where is he?"

"He had a show to do out of town, but he'll be here in a few hours. His plane should already be landing soon. He'll be home before you know it." You force a smile at her as she rubs her eyes, not looking comforted. You know she would probably feel much better with her parents around, but you're doing your best --- you have no idea what you're doing, but winging it seems okay. She's really the only little kid you've been around, other than your cousins, but it's not as if you're looking after them.

Maybe you should have called your aunt and asked for some advice, she would have known what to do instantly. You wish she would figure out how to text so that you wouldn't have to call, you can never get off the phone with her.

Maybe it's because you don't call often enough?

"(Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for trying to make me feel better," Chloe says after a moment, her eyes flicking to yours, and they look so serious! You blink at her, surprised, before forcing another smile. What are you supposed to say to that? You swear, sometimes it's like she's a little adult.

"That's what stepmoms are supposed to do, right? Take care of the kiddos." You say lightly, patting her shoulders. "I mean, I'm not like the mean one off Cinderella, I hope."

"No," Chloe gives you the slightest tilt of her pale lips. "You're really nice, I like you. I liked you before Daddy did, I think."

You snort, but she's probably right. You're pretty sure you've intimidated Ricky all these years and he was more afraid to not be friends with you than anything --- plus you work on his car for a discount, so there's that. Well, since you're married, maybe for free now? He's really getting the best deal out of this relationship.

"Why don't we take a nap and see if we feel better, hmm?" you suggest after a moment, not knowing what else to do. If she falls asleep soon, maybe you can get some stuff done around the apartment. You'll just close the door and let her snooze.

"Will you stay with me?" she asks, immediately destroying your plans. "Can we watch TV?"

"Of course." You sigh internally as she leans forward, wrapping her arms around your neck. You grimace as you lift her up, feeling the wet tips of her hair brush against your shirt; you're going to be soaked after this, aren't you? You carry her towards the couch, grabbing your blanket and tossing it over her where she snuggles at your side, letting her head rest in your lap.

"Can we watch Princess Sofia?" Chloe sniffles, and you hesitate; what the hell is that?

"Uh, sure." You lean for the remote, tapping the button for Netflix. "What's it called?"

It takes you five minutes to find the show, and you let it play, wondering what you're getting yourself in too. You've never clicked on the kids profile before, but there's a first for everything. Chloe sighs in your lap, her fingers curled against your thigh as she watches the show for a few minutes before drifting off. You've given her that medicine, and you hope it's kicking in --- she does seem a little better. Maybe some rest tonight will make her feel more like herself.

You lean your head back against the cushions, propping your feet up on the coffee table. You don't want to change the show, afraid Chloe might wake up and an episode of Game of Thrones probably isn't age-appropriate. So instead you find yourself watching the show about a commoner girl turned princess upon her mother marrying the king, and her going to princess school to be the best princess ever.

You're not sure at what point you drift off, sometime between the random three fairies helping Sofia in school and the other Disney Princesses popping in to offer guidance. You just shuffle a little when you hear your door opening, the soft thump of bags on the wooden floor and the click of the locks.

You slowly swivel your head, seeing your husband hastily starting in your direction, obviously looking for his sick child. You press a finger against your lips before pointing down at the blanket-clad little girl snoozing peacefully in your lap, and Ricky looks relieved.

Actually, he looks like he needs a shower. He's still in his concert outfit, black smeared against his skin and so thick around his eyes he looks like a pale raccoon. He'd been in a rush and hadn't been able to sit still, worried Chloe was sick; did she need to go to the ER? Should he call her pediatrician?

"Hey," he says softly as he comes to your side, squatting down so he's level with the couch, "how is she?"

"Well, we had a bath and a lot of medicine, so it's snooze time." You reply, hopefully as quietly. You don't want to wake her up, not when she's just started to rest. "She seems okay now."

"Good." Ricky looks relieved. "I'm glad you texted me, I got it before I did the voicemails."

"Did you get in touch with her mom?" You ask after a moment, seeing his brows furrow. "I tried to call her, but she probably doesn't have my number."

"She sent her boyfriend to pick Chloe up, said she was at work and couldn't leave. She called me in a panic because the school said her mother already picked her up." Ricky sounds the faintest bit amused, and your cheeks flush.

"Well. Mrs. Olson picked her up," you reply. "Not my fault they made assumptions. Is she going to pick her up?"

"In the morning, we'll let her rest tonight." Ricky replies, slowly straightening. He stretches with a sigh, and you can tell he's tired. Hopping two planes and playing a show has to be exhausting, but at least he hasn't been cleaning up vomit the last six hours.

"Take a shower, get comfy. She's gonna be out a little while." You say after a moment, giving him a smile. "I'm sure you'll know if she wakes up."

"Alright." That's a good idea. He's sweaty, smells like perfume and paint, and feels like he hasn't slept in two days. It'll be nice to get under some hot water and relax.

A few minutes later, he stands beneath the hot water, letting it rush against his skin and wash the black paint away. Claire chewed his ear off for letting you pick up Chloe, but he didn't want to tell you that.

She was frightened something happened to her daughter, but if she'd answered her phone she would have known! It's also none of her business if he does go out of town, he has no reason to tell her his every move.

It eats at him that she still tries to be so controlling of him just because they have a child, but he refuses. He wants to see his daughter more, be involved in her life, help with her birthday parties. He just wished he didn't have to be around Claire to do it.

He's thankful for you, and that you're taking all of this in stride, not even a complaint! He's changed up your entire life for his own selfish reasons, he realized... and Ryan also pointed it out earlier.

He owes you a night out or something, maybe a concert, just to show his gratitude. No one else would have done this for him.

He hesitates as there's a light knock on the door before he hears it open. Oh, uh...

"Please don't get out and be naked,  but Chloe used the last towel so there's none in here." He hears you say after a moment, embarrassed. You didn't think about it until the water was already on. "I'm gonna leave them on the sink, okay?"

"Oh, uh, thanks." He says, eyes flicking to the gray and pink striped shower curtain hiding him from your sight. Your bathroom is decently sized, big enough it's okay for two people to be in comfortably, but it suddenly seems very small.

"Sure." Your eyes flick to the foggy mirror for a brief moment before away, and you quickly turn to leave before pausing. "Oh, and I already put Chloe in your room, she's sleeping like a rock."

"Thanks, (Y/N)."

Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning. Ricky hates that he wasn't there for her when she needed him, he should've been able to pick his child up and bring her home, give her medicine and comfort her. You really stepped up to the plate today, taking care of her.

He knows his music is important, it's his job and how he makes money. He has to focus on his career, he has to go on these trips for promotions. It was just a lot easier when he didn't have a kid whose mother keeps flaking on him when she knows he can't just appear on a dime.

He does worry about tours. He'll be gone for months on end, and Chloe is getting old enough now she's going to notice she hasn't seen her father in a long time. He's talked to her on the phone, but Claire always says she doesn't have time for video chat or more than five minutes.

If you get to keep Chloe, it'll be easier. It's not like you're going to tell him he can't talk to his daughter for as long as he wants, and you'd probably go the extra mile to make sure he could chat with her.

He trusts you more than anyone in the world.

~~~~~~~~

"Ricky?"

"Hmm?" He didn't realize you were still awake. He'd tried to give you time to sleep, checked on Chloe, watched some mindless TV before heading to bed. He crawled in as quietly as possible and didn't even jerk the blanket off you like you always do to  him when you sleep.

"Are you worried about court coming up? It's this week right?" You say after a moment, your back to him where you rest on your side, facing the wall. He shifts slightly, pillowing his head with his arms as he stares at the ceiling.

"I've not been thinking about it too much."

Oh, you figured he'd be agonizing over it, that's his thing. He likes to work himself up into a frenzy and pace back and forth all night and unknowingly bother you.

"Do you think our marriage is actually going to help any?"

"God, I hope so. Otherwise we went through all this for nothing."

"Well, yeah, but it's not been all bad." You say after a moment, snuggling your arms around your pillow, shifting just enough that you get more of the blanket. "I don't mind having a roommate, and you're like a furnace on the colder nights, despite you have cold hands."

Ricky rolls his eyes; so you do know what you're doing!  "Then why do you steal the covers away from me all the time?"

"I thought that was a requirement of being a wife." you reply in amusement, curling your legs beneath the heavy blankets, purposefully inching it away from him. "We take your covers, steal your warmth, fix your car."

Ricky snorts. "It's supposed to be the other way around. I should be able to fix your car."

"You don't even know how to change a tire."

"So? I can Youtube it."

This time, you're the one rolling your eyes. "I mean, you can, but that doesn't mean you'll do it right. Just keep to writing music, you're good at that."

"I'm good at other things!"

"Oh yeah? Name me a few." You tease, hearing the indignance in his voice. You can't help but finally move so that you can look at him, lifting up on your elbows to peer at him in the dark. You've successfully dragged the blanket off of him completely at this point, leaving him in those ridiculous blue and green sleep pants with the frogs on them that Chloe made him buy last time she was over because she also found one in her size and they could match. You thought it was adorable and took pictures.

His eyes flick over to you, just able to see your outline; he leaves the bedroom door cracked out of habit now in case Chloe wants to crawl in with the two of you, you don't seem to mind at all, and it leaves a sliver of light across the bed.

"Well, uh... You're really putting me on the spot here."

"Oh, am I?" You chuckle, propping your chin on your hand as you face him, amused. You flick his arm playfully, your gaze absently roving over his tattoos. "Come one, surely you're good at three things that aren't music."

"Coffee. I can make coffee."

"Anyone can make coffee."

"Don't you have to work in the morning?" He grumbles, starting to feel a little cold. "You need your rest."

"Are you bossing me around, Mr. Olson? This is my bed, you know, I hold the power here."

"Is that why you stole the blanket away from me? Trying to freeze me out?"

"Just asserting dominance." You reply, although you do take mercy on him and toss his half back over him. You have no idea that his cheeks are burning bright red, and that in his head the conversation is starting to take a completely different turn. He wishes you wouldn't tease him, especially not in that tone.  

You stifle a yawn behind your hand, sighing. "If Claire doesn't pick Chloe up tomorrow, will you take her to the doctor if she isn't feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I will. I'll get you a copy of her insurance so that you have it." He says absently, watching as you snuggle back to your pillow, but you stay facing him; typically you sleep with your back to him all the time. "Just in case."

"Good. I mean, I think it's just a bug, she should be fine." You say, your eyes already closed. You reach out thoughtlessly, patting his shoulder. "She probably feels better knowing that you're here."

"She's been asleep since I came home."

"She probably knows it subconsciously."

Ricky doubts that. His kid sleeps like a log.

"(Y/N)?"

"Mhmm?" You sound sleepy now, he can tell you're drifting off.

"Thank you, for taking care of her today."

"That's what I'm supposed to do," you sigh, feeling his cold fingers slip through yours where they lay against his shoulder, squeezing. "I'm her stepmom, it's my job."

Yeah, but... well, you don't have too. He doesn't feel like there's a point in reiterating that the marriage is fake, and you don't have to play the part of wife so well. It'll be worse in the end when the two of you divorce, Chloe will be so confused after she's gotten used to you being around --- or maybe everything will go back to as it was before, just normal. You two will be friends, you lived as roommates for a while, you'll still be close.

His eyes rove to you where you sleep, your fingers curled loosely in his.

Really, though... he doesn't think anything will ever be the same.

Tags:  @svintsandghosts @batgirl09151997  @ nokomihorror @ryansitkowskiswifey, @theoneandonlykymberlee,  maelloute,  musicsexandpizza69,  jojomiwbvb6

[mst3kproject]

1110: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

I only saw this episode once, while I was on my two-day binge back when season eleven first debuted – and by then I was kind of running out of binge-watching oomph, because I don’t think I paid much attention to it.  If I had, I wouldn’t have been so blindsided by shit like the mermaid and her rainbow bridge or the flying lion-centaur whatchamafuckit.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is depressingly cheap and desperately amateurish, but it's also unbelievably fucking weird.

There’s a great evil abroad in the land or something.  The Castle(TM) is Attacked and the resident Bearded Wizard(TM) gives his son the Callow Youth(TM) a Magical Ring(TM) to keep safe – but of course the stupid kid drops it on the way out.  After gathering a few allies, slaying a few monsters, and dabbling in casual necromancy, the boy sneaks back into the castle to retrieve the ring and do wizardly battle with the bad guy.  The day is saved, the princess is rescued, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  The music attempts to convince us that this is epic and exciting, rather than corny and embarrassing.

I have rarely felt as bad for a group of actors as I did watching Wizards of the Lost Kingdom.  I kept wanting to hide behind the couch so I wouldn’t have to look at the expressions on their faces as they humiliate themselves by being in this movie.  Even Crabby the Crab Hat doesn’t want to be here.  The whole thing looks like a third grade class put on a play starring everybody’s parents.  The only person who gets out with any shred of dignity is whatever poor bastard was hiding under the Gulfax suit… oh, no, wait, no he didn’t, because according to IMDB the same actor also played Dad the Wizard.

Let’s look at our characters.  There’s our hero Simon, who is about thirteen and seems to be familiar with the concept of a quest but would probably much rather be reading a book somewhere.  His buddy is Gulfax, a dude who paid way too much for his alpaca fursuit.  Kor the Conquerer is supposed to be a troubled alcoholic mercenary, but he really does look like Gordon Ramsay except not as badass. The wicked queen dresses like she’s trying to look sexy for the Swamp Thing.  Princess Aura acts like your nine-year-old sister parading around in one of those Disney Princess gowns.  The bad guy is less impressive than his own fashion accessories and can disintegrate people except when it would be inconvenient for the plot.  Simon can disintegrate people, too, but saves it for non-humans despite the fact that they’re shown to be sentient.

Then there’s what all these people actually do. Despite a much more kid-friendly tone, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is a lot like Ator: the Fighting Eagle.  Both movies present us with characters who are supposedly on a heroic quest, but all we see is them wandering around the woods while random things happen. When I tried to describe this film to a co-worker, I realized I could talk about the various incidents in whatever order I liked, because none of them really contribute to the plot or even connect to each other.

Take, for example, the bit where Kor is captured by the cyclops who wants him to marry his sister (the cyclops’ sister, that is.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom isn’t that much like Ator).  It comes and it goes, and that’s it.  Kor had earlier said he didn’t know who this mysterious bucket-helmeted figure was, and Simon pouts a bit because that was a lie. It really, really doesn’t feel like the major betrayal the script wants us to think it was.  It comes across as the cyclops’ sister being an embarrassing ex-girlfriend Kor just didn’t want to talk about, and he and Simon argue for thirty seconds and then hug and make up, completely negating whatever small emotional impact the whole thing might have had.

Or how about the part where Simon straight-up raises the dead? In most fantasy settings that would be considered a turn down a dark path, with far-reaching consequences for both the plot and the character development.  In Wizards of the Lost Kingdom the corpses get up and basically tell Simon to get fucked because they want to rest, and then crawl back into their graves.  This is a world where black magic exists and can claim your soul, but apparently necromancy isn’t in that category.  All that happens is Kor tells Simon to respect the dead more.

What about the bit where Simon realizes the bad guy and his Crab Hat are spying on them through a magical birdbath?  The kid casts a spell that makes the water explode in the evil dude’s face so he can’t see them anymore, but this has no plot consequences because a scene or two later the bad guy has simply re-filled the birdbath and is watching them again.  Why did we even need to see that?  Why did we need the bit with the little gnome dude who enables Kor’s alcoholism? The drinking is never a plot point because this is a kids’ movie (unless marrying the cyclops’ sister was something Kor promised to do while drunk), and the gnome promises to re-join them for the climax but when he does he just watches.

How about the part where Kor tries to save a drowning topless blonde woman in the weirdly orange river (this is the only place where I can definitely identify a shot MST3K cut, since we got one very brief look at her tits)? She vanishes only to reappear on a rock with one of those mermaid tail blankets over her legs, telling them she was testing their manhood to see if they were worthy of her help!  They were, so she creates a rainbow for them and tells them to follow their hearts across the river!

Uh.  Okay. So I can see how Kor was worthy, since he jumped in and all, but Simon stood on the shore yelling at him to stop because it’s too dangerous.  Shouldn’t his unmanly ass get left behind?

Unquestionably, however, the weirdest thing in the movie is the fucked-up trippy vision Simon has while bug-woman plies him with drink and flower petals.  This scene fascinates me.  So there’s a bunch of Satanists sacrificing women on a spray-foam altar, while a voice tries to tempt Simon to the dark side.  In response, he summons up the ‘forces of good’ to deal with the situation, and they appear in the form of this stop-motion… chimera… thing. Imagine a lion centaur, only both the horse part and the human part are lions, so it’s like a six-legged, two-torsoed leonine centipede abomination, but instead of arms on the upper set of shoulders it has weird veiny bat wings.  It hovers there snarling while the Satanists complete their sacrifice, which summons a giant floating semi-transparent head in some scaly makeup.  The head makes faces and breathes green fire, until the lion thing glares cartoon lightning at it and it explodes.

What the actual unmotivated fuck. What even was that? I want to say it’s demonstrating that Simon is pure of heart and can’t be tempted to evil but like ten minutes later he’s raising the fucking dead.  What the hell is with the lion monster?  Is it a metaphor for something?  Is it saying that the forces of good can be just as terrifying as those of evil, like how if you read descriptions of angels they actually look like beasts from your nightmares?  Was it actually supposed to be pretty and the model-makers just weren’t up to the task? What am I looking at?

Did anybody actually realize how weird this all was?  One does get the impression that the writers were just scribbling down whatever bullshit came into their heads without regard for continuity or anything.  Can we have a mermaid in our movie?  Sure, why the hell not.  Zombies? Awesome, everybody loves zombies, throw ‘em in there.  A garden gnome?  A goat-man playing the pan flute?  A jilted cyclops with a spiral perm?  Absolutely, the more, the merrier!  Concepts!

And yet for all that, the single worst failure of writing in Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is the anticlimax of the ending.  Through the whole movie everybody’s been looking for the Ring of Magic, which makes the wearer all-powerful.  One of the wicked queen’s dwarves (played by actual little people who should all have been paid double for being in the same movie where the queen says we’re running out of dwarves) finds it, but Simon snatches it back a moment later and goes out and saves the day.  Of course he does – he’s all-powerful.  It’s a foregone conclusion.  The only tension comes from wondering how many of those kids who were freed from prison are gonna get swords in the gut while Simon worries about making pretty special effects in his wizard’s duel.

One last bit of illogical crap.  After the battle, Kor wanders off to go back to his ‘itinerant boozehound’ gig, and tells Simon to be a good king.  Uh… Simon’s not gonna be king.  The rightful heir is Princess Aura, who’s literally right there.  Simon can marry her and be royal consort if she still likes him once they’ve both been through puberty.  Is there a law in this kingdom that if you save the day you get to be in charge?  That does seem to be where the last guy got his throne… and yet I have a faint suspicion that the writers just assumed Simon would rule instead of Aura because he’s got a penis and she doesn’t.

All that may have given the impression that I hate this movie but I really don’t.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom just isn’t worth the effort.  Instead I just pity this movie and everybody in it.  Every last one of them did a terrible job, and yet they still all deserved better.  On every possible level, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is truly less than the sum of its parts.

[lesbianbitchard-moved]

Bubba, Peach, and Princess for the nickname ask pls baby!!!!!

Thank you lovie!!! This gonna be pretty long (sorry)!!!

Peach (what’s your ideal aesthetic?): hmmmmmmm probably soft girl/soft pink aesthetic OH AND SWEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Princess (if you could live in any other time period, what time period would it be?): okay so I have three main ones (these might get dark though so beware (0_0) )

1. Ancient Rome: now maybe it’s because I love Latin so much and I like all the Greek Goddesses and Gods are really cool (some are really crappy cough cough Zeus cough cough) but if we ignore the a fact I would probably be married off to a much older dude at the age of 15 to have multiple children and I would probably die of disease or childbirth (but knowing me I would actually probably become a Vestal Virgin because my girl Hestia is great and I wouldn’t have to have children) ANYWAYS I JUST LIKE THE AESTHETIC OF IT ALL AND POMPEII IS REALLY COOL (though I might be buried under tons of layers of ash if it is 79 AD :/) okay this was just really an excuse to flex on you with my Ancient Rome knowledge sjjdndjfjdjfjfj BUT IT WAS REALLY COOL!!!!

2. Medieval!!: Okay I’m not even gonna lie this is solely because of Merlin (ALL THE PRETTY OUTFITS!!!!!!!!) like I know it was really crappy time but MERLIN!!!!!

3. 80’s: The music was bopping and it just seemed like a good time (plus Stranger Things!!!!!!)

Bubba (tell me a funny story from your childhood.): Okay so when I was like 6 or 7 my family went on a vacation to Panama City Beach and my mom and me were collecting shells as you do and we were checking all of them to make sure no hermit crabs lived in them BUT one of them slipped past us.

So we drove back home that day and I was out playing with my friend outside and my dad heard this clawing noise and he found the source under a cup and it was a smol hermit crab!!!!

When I came back inside I instantly fell in love with this tiny hermit crab and I named it Crabby!!!! Crabby was the light of my little kid life (I still love him) but we put him in this big container of water and that night he tried to escape I was so distraught over this I almost instantaneously burst into tears once I realized he was gone and I threatened/interviewed my cat about if she had eaten him (she hadn’t sorry Logan!! But it took me 6 years to realize he was escaping and he didn’t just get lost skskskskskskkssk) but luckily for me we found him under the couch!!!

Not only that but I showed Crabby to e v e r y o n e in my neighborhood like this poor crab was my favorite thing and I loved that crab with my whole being lmao

The next day my dad called Petco to see if they could take my precious Crabby but little me was having none of it and I threw a t a n t r u m (I never threw tantrums I was basically the good child when it came to behavior) and this was a full blown tantrum (I was screaming at the top of my lungs for Crabby, I was sobbing, I was tugging on my dads clothes and holding onto his feet like the whole deal) and then my dad had no clue what to do so the poor man called my mom (who was working at the hospital at the time) and she heard me screaming for Crabby (like everyone in the vicinity could hear me)

So reluctantly they went to Petco and got a whole tank, salt water, and food for Crabby and I was s o happy!!! But then a couple days later we had to go somewhere so we had our family friend watch him but when she came into our house it smelled funny and she found poor Crabby dead and surprisingly I took the news pretty well?????

But I still love Crabby and I have his shell (my mom cleaned it out and stuff) and I’m convinced his spirit helps me when I play Go Fish lmao

Sorry this was so long but thank you again for the asks!!! I love you! 💕💕💕💕💕