#fart feud

[archangeldyke-all]

Ciao amore, just finished writing down an idea for fake hating with sevika. Not fake dating- fake hating. Sevika and reader being all like enemies in public, but then behind closed doors 🤭🤭

Would love to see you do something with this as well bc I know your take is just gonna be 😚🤌🏽 chefs kiss good fr

I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS

men and minors dni

'the last drop' and 'the eye of zaun' have been in a feud for years.

one is owned by vander, one is owned by silco. they've been trying to put each other out of business since their bitter divorce five years ago. the two bars sit across the street from one another, and the owners live in the apartments on top, their four children swapping homes every week.

a lot of locals take the feud really seriously-- there are frequent brawls in the middle of the street when patrons cross paths. vander's customers are all 'old farts', and silco's are all 'trendy punks,' so there's always some kind of issue that's got both bars up in arms and upset.

you try not to get involved. you just keep your head down, wipe down tables, and collect tips.

if you'd known that the man interviewing you was in some kind of lifelong psycho-sexual feud with his ex-husband, you wouldn't have taken the fucking job-- but here you are.

the door to the last drop slams open and you jump, turning around to watch vander storm into the bar. "i'm gonna fuckin' kill him!" he shouts.

at the bar where she's eating maraschino cherries by the handful, jinx scoffs. "you say that every day, pops."

"you tell your father that if he ever tries to steal my fucking cocktail napkins again i'll strangle him." vander huffs. then he turns, and points at you. "rookie." he grunts.

you roll your eyes. "yeah?"

"go across the street and steal all their toilet paper. jinx, go with her."

"i got homework, pops!" jinx groans, desperate for any reason to get out of her dads' constant scheming.

"fine, go alone. take it all!" he demands.

you just shrug and prop your broom up, happy to have a reason to take a break. you'll take a roll or two, but leave enough for the customers to wipe their asses. you're not a monster.

sneaking into the eye of the city is easy, thieram gives just as many fucks about the feud as you do-- which is none. you grab a trashbag from the janitor's closet, then head into the womens' room, ready to begin your thievery.

you get about three rolls in your trash bag before the door swings open, and sevika bursts into laughter.

"what're you doing?" she asks.

you smile from where you're breaking into the next toilet paper dispenser. "you guys stole our napkins? so we're taking your toilet paper. don't worry, i left the stash in the janitor's closet there for you." you say.

sevika snorts and flicks the bolt on the women's room, helping you off the ground and pulling her in your arms. "hey, baby." she greets.

you smile and kiss her lips. "hi, sev." you whisper.

"it's gonna be a long fucking night for us. it's their anniversary." she says.

you groan, burying your head against your girlfriend's shoulder.

you didn't mean to fall in love with your should-be nemisis, what with sevika being silco's bartender and you being vander's. but-- neither of you have any personal stakes in the beef, and your attraction was impossible to deny, and one night as the two of you were trying to impress your respective bosses by shit talking one another, you ended up charming each other, making one another laugh at the insults you threw either way-- and by the time your bosses were leaving to pick the kids up from their after school activities, you and sevika were exchanging numbers.

and now, you're in love, and you're trying your very best not to let anyone know.

"it's surprising that the kids are all so well-adjusted given how stupid their dads are." you mumble. sevika laughs.

"you crashing at mine after work tonight or should i go to yours?"

"depends on what you want for dinner. yours is closer to that chinese place, but we could get italian if we go to mine."

"ooh, fuck, pasta sounds so fucking good. let's go to yours." sevika says. you smile and kiss her lips.

"sounds like a date, baby." you giggle.

just as you're about to leave her arms and head to the men's room to complete your stealth mission, the handle starts to rattle.

"who is it?" sevika calls, panicked.

"i gotta pee!" jinx calls through the door.

"it's not your week here!" sevika screams. she looks at you with a wild expression, both of you trying to figure out an alibi to explain toe jinx why you're locked in a bathroom together.

"pops ran outta cherries so i came here for more. lemme in!" she squeals.

sevika huffs, shrugs helplessly, kisses your cheek, then throws you over her shoulder. you yelp, and start struggling in her grasp.

she throws the door open and glares down at jinx. "i caught this rat spying on the last drop! stealing all our toilet paper!" she growls, jostling you on her shoulder. you muffle your giggles with your hand.

"lemme go you asshole!" you whine, wiggling in her arms, pinching her ass a bit. she jumps, and you bite back your grin.

"ugh, i don't care!" jinx whines. "get outta my way, i gotta go!" she shoves sevika to the side, then runs into the bathroom.

sevika sets you back down in the center of the bar.

"quick thinking." you giggle. sevika's still blushing from the pinch you'd gotten in on her ass, and you kiss her pink cheek. "see you later, baby." you whisper just as silco pushes into the bar.

you jump away from sevika, sprinting out of the bar like you're making a great getaway, and she chases after you, screaming to silco about your horrible theft.

vander berates you for only managing to steal three rolls, but you smile for the rest of the night.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette @ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re

@raphaellearp

[dilf-in-peril]

People on twitter blaming Ricky for his lost momentum (or Punk ofc) is crazy to me. He went from feuding with Punk and backup Bryan to Yuta at the PPV (no shade on Yuta but that's like going from the final boss to the tutorial.. the whole angle of I can't beat you Bryan but at least I can beat Yuta was a big wet fart), to being in a tag team where he occasionally gets tagged in to do two moves, to not one but two ex WWE guys trying to shoot bury him in promos to being pinned by fucking Sammy Guevara. I can see the life leaving his eyes in real time.

[separatist-apologist]

I both cried and farted at the same time at ‘ain’t no daughter of mine dating a Vanserra.’

Seriously; when is your Netflix special coming out??

Also; yes the crown is a prompt — if you want to OR a great way to look at how messy & dramatic those inbreeders are.

I am doing a little research on H v M (or Archeron v Vanserra) and I'm wondering how to amend some of the finer details because some of the feuding involves the civil war. I do think I could write something that would do that time period justice but I also try really hard not to inject too much of the real world into my fics because it's supposed to be escapism, you know? And I also am balking at making either Elain or Lucien a confederate sympathizer for all the obvious reasons lmao.

So I have to noodle on how I want to go about this and what they're feuding over besides land. Like thats the surface feud- what is beneath it though, y'know?

[cowboymenace]

The So Called Rub of Jericho

I wasn’t always a full time AEW viewer, in fact I began watching regularly in the summer of 2022. What attracted me was Eddie Kingston. 

Eddie had the physique of a plumber, the gear of an indie guy who forgot his main attire at home so he scrapped together what he could find, and the speech of an angry New Yorker who spent the days yelling at kids on his stoop. That is what makes him so appealing. At the time, Kingston was feuding with Chris Jericho and his faction The Jericho Appreciation society. This faction had some of the guys from the previous Jericho stable, The Inner Circle, with some new additions in 2.0 and Daniel Garcia. The gimmick: Sports Entertainers who hated wrestling. If it sounds like an obnoxious WWE parody, then you’re right it was. You got the joke immediately and did not have room for expansion, they were guys who dressed in goofy matching outfits and “entertained” that’s really it. Kingston would get back up from the Blackpool Combat Club and LAX (Santana and Ortiz). They would do Anarchy in the Arena and Blood n Guts. The feud had strong moments with Kingston walking down the ramp during AitA, blood on his face, a cold dead stare, and a canister of gasoline and Kingston and Co. winning the BnG match. 

However it would have the stankest, wettest fart of an ending where Jericho and Kingston would have an abysmal barb wire match that saw Jericho winning with botches a plenty. Kingston would go on to get in a backstage altercation with Sammy Guevara who provoked him. He was in the wrong to get physical with someone who is an aggravating little turd, and he would tell you that himself. A suspension would follow and Kingston gave a half sincere apology on the short lived AEW reality tv show to which I do not care enough to look up the name. 

This is what feuding with Jericho does to an M. F. 

Kingston is not the only victim I saw fall to Jericho, Daniel Garcia is another name that comes to mind. Garcia was the young blood of the JAS. Originally under the tutelage of 2.0 and then absorbed into the JAS. He’s a gifted technical wrestler, but was a SANADA type, who did not really have any personality but was good at the graps. The goal, at least what we the viewers assumed was the goal, was to make Garcia a new bright star. He became the center of the JAS vs BCC feud, with Danielson wanting him to join their stable as he saw the potential in him. Garcia would get a clean win over Dragon and even went after the ROH Pure Title. The Dynamite where he challenged for the belt saw him get a special entrance coming out to DR BIRDS by Westside Gunn (the Jack Nicholson of Wrestling [thanks Olly!]).

 This was in his hometown, and he got the victory, this should’ve been his star making moment. Until the swerve happened. What we thought was going to be him breaking away from Jericho he would continue to be his underling, he lost the belt back to Wheeler Yuta, his momentum came to a screeching halt, but hey at least he dances funny now! Garcia has been mostly another guy with a dumb gimmick that makes him meme worthy. This misusage can be pointed at Jericho, but Tony Khan is equally as guilty.

Jericho would also go on to win the ROH World Title. Weirdly, he would have straightforward clean wins over previous ROH champions/regulars and one Tomohiro Ishii. Among these matches Jericho would have another worst match of the year contender with Colt Cabana. One that is meant for the boys.

 A rib directed to a extremely disgruntled CM Punk. To be fair, Cabana was wearing the wrong socks which messed up his flow (be patient he’s only been wrestling for a few measly decades) but for Jericho what was his excuse? Jericho would get a “win” over Danielson, Castagnoli, and Guevara at Full Gear (140,000 buys) but then unceremoniously lose it at ROH Final Battle (25,400 buys hm wonder why he would drop it on such a low buyrate) to the guy he beat for it rather than put over someone new. Going by Cagematch Jericho would only lose 4 singles matches. Sure you want to keep someone like Jericho strong, especially since he's a former world champion. However, that number is insanely protective of a 53 year old guy who’s at the tail end of his career. 

Jericho would try to make up for this, spending 2023 losing more than winning. It was not great. 

Right after losing the ROH belt, Jericho would put over an unknown Action Andretti in a shocking upset.

 Action Andretti in 2023 is 10-16 and most of his matches are in ROH. Ricky Starks would have an amazing showing in his world title match, and to follow that up he would have to do his time with Jericho. He would beat Jericho on his first encounter and then go on to beat him once again at Revolution. It felt like a waste of time, the matches were not spectacular, Ricky was going downhill and thankfully Collision would save his heat, but there’s strong rumors regarding his departure for the WWE. 

His next victim was Adam Cole, and Keith Lee who already struggles to get on booked on TV had to lay down for Jericho to sell this program. Jericho would team up with (read: try to get in on Saraya’s heel turn heat) The Outcasts to beat up Britt Baker to give Cole some character motivation.

 The segment where The Outcasts and JAS hate-crimed Baker and Cole was strange to me, because the JAS have two female wrestlers in their ranks. It is as if Jericho simply forgot about them. To give Cole and Jericho’s matchup more juice, TK brought in Sabu and the match was made an unsanctioned match (but was aired on PPV?). The match was bad, and the feud forgotten. Luckily for Cole, he is so over that he moved onto to have one of the best programs with MJF. 

Following this Jericho would face off against Sting for a mini feud, but the Jericho Rub could not harm Sting because he is Sting. Simple As.

Enter Don Callis. He betrayed Kenny Omega during the BCC vs Elite Feud and replaced him with Takeshita as the wrestler he would be the personal manager to. He became the most hated heel in the company and having personally sat in the crowd where he had his first town hall as a heel, I can confirm the boos were deafening. Callis would then reach out to Jericho to join the Don Callis Family faction and Jericho was going to join. Jericho would team up with Takeshita and cheat to beat Guevara and Garcia. This would lead to the break up of the JAS, where all members sans Jericho and Guevara would continue to team with each other almost like they just became the *AS. 

Then Callis saw his cronies give a beat down on Jericho, which I must applaud Jericho’s ability to find himself working with the most over acts in the company, he always finds a way to involve himself. Hell he even pitched a program with a returning CM Punk which I no do not doubt would have been the worst wrestling match ever put on American broadcasting! Jericho is a shark and if there’s blood in the water he will find it. Jericho joined the Elite vs Callis feud, and even faced a Will Ospreay at All In. The build to this match was baffling. Ospreay is practically a heelish face in NJPW. He was the face in the match against Kenny at Wrestle Kingdom, and mostly works face. However he’s heel in AEW. Sure he worked heel vs Kenny at Forbidden Door since Canada, but the build to All In saw him be a heel. Then at All In he’s a face since London! What is going on! Jericho just turned face! Now he’s doing heel tactics and even said at the aftermath Dynamite he should have cheated??? Who wrote this?? At least Ospreay went back to NJPW and is finishing up his run there.

Jericho and Sammy would have tension teasing some kind of split. Now before I go any further, I must preface: I do not like Sammy Guevara. He is an overused, overexposed, mishandled and misbooked worker who represents zero IQ wrestling psychology. He’s a terrible promo and has terrible character work. He has attempted to turn face only to go back to heel because when he tries cutting a face promo and you can hear the simultaneous clicks of remote buttons to change it to Family Feud. 

Having said that, even I thought it was egregious for Jericho to beat Sammy. How does one man spend all year losing draw the line at his understudy? Guevara suffered a concussion during this Jericho and Kenny vs Don Callis, and is out on paternity leave. Who knows when Jericho will do him right, perhaps never. 

Jericho and Kenny have been teaming, they beat the Young Bucks for their Title Contendership and are now facing Ricky Starks and Big Bill for the Tag Team Championship. Starks and Bill have been giving beatdowns to Kenny and Jericho to build for the match. They even had the worst, and I mean this with all my heart, the worst in ring promo battle I have ever seen. Awful jokes, no selling insults, and doubling down on lines that did not land with the crowd. The look on Kenny’s face screams that he is checked out. 

However, as of writing this, Kenny is now out on injury for an indefinite amount of time. Jericho is now lost in the wind and I imagine both Starks and Bill are relieved. 

Jericho has proven this past year to not be any benefit to anyone he works with. He finds out who is the most over and tries to get in on their overness despite it making sense. All of his programs seem slapped together, as if Tony allows him to plan out his angles without any pushing back. I imagine he pitches these to guys who may want to have the opportunity to work with someone with decades of experience, but they do not see through him as a clout vampire. The goal of Jericho is how can I keep myself on TV, he has DEMO GOD plastered on himself for crying out loud! 

His character is supposed to be an aging rockstar who desperately clinging on for dear life, but it does not help when that is just who he is in real life. With Kenny out, what is next for Jericho? Hopefully retirement. 

Ah crap how did this get here how do I delete pictures.

[randomnameless]

What do you think about the Leicester Alliance? Despite the instability regarding the Riegan house and their heir it seems to me like it's the least fucked up of the three countries

Oh!

I wanted to make a more detailed reply but I don't think I'll have the time before forgetting it lol

But in general, the Alliance suffers from the FE franchise's lack of interest in what I previously called "merchant republics". Let it be Jugdral's Miletos or Magvel's Carcino, they just exist to be rolled over, sometimes they have "corrupt Nobles (tm)" and that's it.

Leicester seems to be in a similar position, even if, by virtue of being Claude's homeland it would be more developed, right?

Well, no, Claude talks more about Almyra and has stronger ties to that country, so whatever Leicester development or lore we could have is just, three supports here and there about "Corrupt Nobles (tm)", a land where wealth gains more and more importance (Marianne's dad became a member of the council bcs of this iirc?) and where old Houses keep on having an ancestral feud even if it dooms the Republic/Alliance (Gloucester wants to get rid of Riegan, and sacrifices Raph's parents in the process?).

So with the minimum world building we have about the Alliance, I wouldn't say it's the least fucked up, rather it's the less developed, so by extension they feel like they're in a better state than the Kingdom - heavily developed - and Adrestia - which is kind of in a similar boat as the Alliance, but since the content focuses on Enbarr and the War afterwards, it's swept up.

But for what we know,

The Roundtable, before Nopes, was made up of 5 great families and minor nobles, while not sitting, could have their voices heard or at least taken into consideration (as opposed to Clout's Federation).

The Alliance apparently heavily dislike having a central authority or a powerful person ruling over them all... But only 3 minor lords riot when "we bow to no Emperor and to no King" is farted upon by King Clout of the Federation...

Lorenz tells us faith is performative in the Alliance, but some people are devout believers, which leads to no one giving a fuck, in Nopes, about their country going for the kill against the Archbishop.

And more importantly...

In the Alliance, through Raphael and Ignatz, we learn there is a "bourgeoisie" class, people who aren't born nobles or anobled and yet who manage to thrive and, if not for Gloucester Sr's gambit, live quite well, despite the "Crust system!!!!" the scripts hammer.

Leonie is a commoner and is in debt (tfw rl catches up to you in a vg!). Her village pays taxes to their Lord (Gloucester) and in exchange this Lord offers them protection (by hiring Jerry) against poachers - which is both textbook Noblesse Oblige hardbaked in Lorenz's character, but also, some kind of weird example of a system based on feodality - vassal offers an "hommage" to his Lord (here taxes) and in return the Lord protects his vassal - with the twist that Leonie's dad isn't a knight or a feudal vassal (afaik?).

Also, from the unused trading post data, Riegan should have been famous for its factories?

In a way, it feels like Leicester's organisation could have been something very interesting to explore - it's completely at odds with the Empire and the Kingdom and much more fragmented - but as usual, the FE series don't really develop those "kingless" factions...

And of course, they couldn't develop the "merchant nation" more else the "Church BaD bcs IsOlAtIoNiSm" falls apart or the "Crust SyStEm" argument as to why Supreme Leader has to change the world falls too, Edmund sr is at the roundtable despite having no crest, the Ordelias never were at this roundtable despite having a crest (iirc?), Judith is a Hero of Leicester and has no Crust, Holst is beloved by the world and has no Crust, despite having no Crust Ignatz's parents are implied to be rich as fuck and living the best life, crustless!Leonie and her entire village are helped by the "nobility system" Supreme Leader vowed to erase, etc etc.

Acknowledging Leicester's existence as something more than "that place Clout and some people hail from" blows so many holes in the leitmotiv of the war - thus the twist "you should feel bad for fighting your former student" - that the writers, imo, prefered not to shed any light no it (+ the context with merchant republics!) that it's no surprising the few crumbs we have aren't developped.

And before Nopes, the Alliance was the only slither free place, so all the "bad stuff" that happened, like Raph's parents, can be blamed on regular people and not "they were brainwashed!!". Ordelia's a different situation, I know a lot of people support the "Lys got her present because crust system", but I always have doubts - Lys got her "present" because Adrestia (Ionius) believed they could infringe on Leicester's territory, and the Agarthans needed to test their "present making" before gifting one to the Hresvelgs.

With Nopes, the Alliance disappears under a King with no fanfare, some people follow Clout, they dgaf about the Church, and that's it. It's just a blank cardbox, removed of the few crumbs that made it different from the other cardboxes.

[princesssarisa]

Both of the main women in German Gladensvend present an older form of Swan Maidens, where the maiden is voluntarily a swan instead of being cursed into that form. They also happen to be connected to Valkyries, Odin's foster-daughters and Valhalla's delivery girls in Norse mythology. German spends the first half of his life under the protection of his mother, and this is implied to be the only reason that the raven-troll cannot harm him. However, he gets in trouble when he asks for his mother's swan cloak so he can fly across the sea to visit Adelutz. He gets waylaid and attacked by the raven-troll and crashes half-dead into Adelutz's room, and in the latter half of the ballad, Adelutz chases after her using her own swan cloak, and cuts apart all of the raven-troll's seabird minions. I think it adds a bit more complexity to the Swan Princess if you imagine her as a warrior woman who's been feuding with trolls and sorcerers for a long while (Valkyries are part of the Wild Hunt), only to then have a brain fart right after she gets her happy ending. (The raven-troll demands she gives up "what is under her belt" to make him go away, she throws him her keys, her symbol as the head of her household, and only weeks later does she realize what the raven-troll really meant.)

This does sound like an interesting story!

[lunarsilkscreen]

Comedian, Philosopher, Prophet

[Wisecrack]{Michael Burns} asked the question that has been asked for at least a hundred years; "Are comedians the new philosophers?" And on YouTube at least; you can see videos dating back at least 15 years also asking this same question.

Something that people are wary about doing, however; is equating philosophers and prophets.... In case we accidentally cause a new Christian Jihad ...

We must first ask ourselves; did the ancient Philosophers actually see themselves as philosophers? Or, were they more akin to YouTubers? People who suddenly found themselves with a platform with which to put their ideas out into the world; and have people listen to them?

What's the connection between them and educators? Ministers? Mathematicians?

Often have people convened, and talked about how they performed their craft. Carpenters, farmers, potters, millers, etc ... It's a modern invention that we look at knowledge as something to be kept secret; dangerous secrets could hurt people, but mostly; secret knowledge is how we maintain our profit margins. (*Cough*Coca-Cola*Cough*)

Those secrets formed the basis of copyrights, patents, and paved the way for the tools of industry to be placed in the hands of the few instead of the many.

And created the modern feude we know as Capitalism vs Socialism.

But what is a prophet?

On the surface, a prophet is a fortune-teller. Somebody who is able to discern the future through divine means. Somebody who says "This is what's gonna happen if we stay on this path" and then later says "See; I told you that would happen. Remember when I said that happened? I called that s*."

But we have modern day prophets and fortune-teller and diviners today. And not just two-bit carni-folk performing a mysticsm show (no offense to carni-folk.) We have people in very important positions whose sole job is to discern what course of action should be taken in order to avoid catastrophy.

Joseph, Jesus, and more perform roles that we now see as "consultants", "comedians", "philosophers", "educators", "medical doctors", "engineers", "politicians", and so much more.

Hell, we even have near accurate weather forecasts these days. Down to the exact area, and second.

Philosophers, like Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, and Pythagoras. they did more than establish thought experiments like "the cave" and create very comedic and enjoyable stories that also teach life lessons.

They taught about language, mathematics, and all but laid the ground work for many of our modern educational systems. K through C.

Today; Comedians also fill roles in politics as advisors and consultants. I'm not gonna name names; they know who they are and some of them will even tell you. (And do so in their routines)

The question we should be asking; is "philosopher" just the title we bestow onto Comedians who have long since died and are remembered for something more than fart jokes and being "edgy"?

We certainly know that the title "Prophet" can only be bestowed by the church, so there must be something similar to being a "Philosopher". Separation of church and state maybe? Or state and populace?

Whatever it is; A philosopher is somebody who is long remembered for the ideals they helped instigate, long past their own earthly demise.

[elliottkay]

New book! New book!

A skirmish in space can scar just as deeply as the fleet battles. Freeing a valley from a corrupt king only opens the land to darker threats. And grand theft auto gets a lot messier when the car belongs to a literal demon.

A small crisis is still a crisis.

LOW-KEY CALAMITIES contains fourteen novelettes and short stories from the series Poor Man’s Fight, Good Intentions, and Wandering Monsters. Collectively they include explicit violence, explicit sex, profanity, defenestrations, espionage, backstabbing, murder, blasphemy, poison, lingerie, public indecency, arguable war crimes, condescension, identity theft, asphyxiation, vigilantism, sabotage, a fart joke, anti-necromantic prejudice, intentional food poisoning, counter-weaponization of stereotypes, deceit, assassination, incitement to riot, disrespect for the dead, abuse of kitchen staff, conspiracy, arson, grand theft auto, breaking and entering, a lost bat, unauthorized dormitory residents, drug use, lies, bickering, punching, leering, kicking, body slams, analysis of adult film, mild hallucinations, paranoia, military “intelligence,” performative charity, genuine charity, talking behind people’s backs, angry essay writing, oral sex, mishandling of explosives, violations of Rules of Engagement, destruction of church property, insensitivity, poor leadership skills, ambushes, grave robbery, insults, family feuding, unintended threats, urban warfare, resentful internal monologues, a carefully bland lunch, and vomiting in front of the boss.

Available in ebook only on Amazon!

[leeblissy]

family feud is playing on the TV in my break room and I'm so weirded out by some of the censoring for the answers

one of the families guessed "pass gas" for one of the questions, and the wording for the answer was "toot". ok, can't say fart for the answer. weird but I guess I get it

and then for a different question a contestant guessed "brothel" and the answer was correct, but the wording for the answer was "HO HOUSE"??

like girl you can't say fart but you can say HO HOUSE? like brothel is literally the nicest and correct way to call that kind of establishment but instead ur calling the brothel girlies hoes

[romancebooksformen]

Low-Key Calamities by Elliott Kay. A new short story collection that includes six new short stories set in the Good Intentions universe.

—

A skirmish in space can scar just as deeply as the fleet battles. Freeing a valley from a corrupt king only opens the land to darker threats. And grand theft auto gets a lot messier when the car belongs to a literal demon.

A small crisis is still a crisis.

LOW-KEY CALAMITIES contains fourteen novelettes and short stories from the series Poor Man’s Fight, Good Intentions, and Wandering Monsters. Collectively they include explicit violence, explicit sex, profanity, defenestrations, espionage, backstabbing, murder, blasphemy, poison, lingerie, public indecency, arguable war crimes, condescension, identity theft, asphyxiation, vigilantism, sabotage, a fart joke, anti-necromantic prejudice, intentional food poisoning, counter-weaponization of stereotypes, deceit, assassination, incitement to riot, disrespect for the dead, abuse of kitchen staff, conspiracy, arson, grand theft auto, breaking and entering, a lost bat, unauthorized dormitory residents, drug use, lies, bickering, punching, leering, kicking, body slams, analysis of adult film, mild hallucinations, paranoia, military “intelligence,” performative charity, genuine charity, talking behind people’s backs, angry essay writing, oral sex, mishandling of explosives, violations of Rules of Engagement, destruction of church property, insensitivity, poor leadership skills, ambushes, grave robbery, insults, family feuding, unintended threats, urban warfare, resentful internal monologues, a carefully bland lunch, and vomiting in front of the boss.

[sheriff-callahan]

Name: Arthur ‘Art, Fart’ Callahan Age: 47 years old. Birthdate: Apr. 10th, 1975                                      ☼ Aries                                      ☾  Aries                                      ↗ Taurus Born: Lockwood Springs, CO Occupation: Larimer County Sheriff Aesthetics: 6ft2. Hawaiian Shirts, Flannel.                     Whiskey flasks. RayBans.                      Country rock. Likes: Being left alone, not having to work, Sunday mornings, radio crackles, sleeping with socks on but nothing else. Dislikes: Not being left alone, having to work, PAPERWORK, Sunday evenings, when radio crackle silences are broken. Sleeping clothed without socks on. Good Qualities: Protective, Courageous, Realistic Bad Qualities: Gruff, Lazy, Indifferent Orientation: Straight, but pretty much asexual.

if there’s one man who hates his job, it’s arthur callahan and it’s probably also why his nickname is sheriff fart among the few criminals he’s arrested.

he was born and raised in lockwood springs.

his father, donald callahan was the sheriff and also arthur’s biggest hero. he wanted to be just like his dad when he grew up.

turns out, that was a load of bullshit and his dad was actually a horrendous person. he only discovered donald’s abusive nature towards his mother when he was 29 and already working in law enforcement. 

finally, when arthur was deputy he approached unsavory connections and promised to turn a blind eye to things they did if they helped him out with his father. 

in unrelated news, donald callahan is now cared for in a hospice and is wheelchair bound and can’t speak. arthur visits every so often because he is a very doting son and the accident was just so tragic!!

since becoming the sheriff, arthur’s passion for seeing justice prevail has completely died. in a way his sense of good vs bad disappeared and he believes everybody is bad.

despite being super bitter about the world and his job, he’s a very funny sheriff and usually lets people go with a warning. this is because he doesn’t see the point in damning people for stupid mistakes, but he also absolutely does not want to have to do overtime or any paperwork.

he drinks himself stupid every single night. 

he was married for a short while and has two kids but arthur and his ex-wife are now divorced. he’s a focused father, adores his boy and girl dearly. 

takes bribes from both the mafia and the MC and doesn’t really care about the feud or if it starts up again. just wants an easy life and to do the least amount of work to get by.

will do anything to protect those he loves, and honestly that means anything. a few citizens probably have stories about how he’s done something insanely illegal, abhorrent or violent to keep them safe. 

literally wonders how he’s still sheriff every single day, and thinks about quitting every single day.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (853): Thu 18th Jul 2024

My first day of mandatory overtime at work. It’s absolute bullshit that were forced to do this it should be voluntary like joining the army or wiping your arse. Every year they give us the same shit about how we need to pull together to exceed customer expectations but I'm not sure how that would even work. In order to MEET customer expectations we would need to get their order delivered on time which is what every buisness aims to do anyway so EXCEEDING customer expectations would be getting their items delivered on time and giving them a complimentary handjob…which I have to say i would do instead of having to walk up and down the factory all day on my fucking day off. Before first break I had sweat more than the England team did during the entire Euros and by the end of the day I could barely walk. As tough as this was it was just a preview of the Hell I will have to go through at Christmas again when I have to do an extra day for six cunting weeks but we'll cross that bridge when I jump off it. As shitty as today was for my feet, £184 for ten hours work. Not too bad, that will pay for another tattoo or perhaps some spending money for Greece. As soon as I got in I stuck on last night's Dynamite and was treated to a near hour long battle between MJF and Will Ospreay over the International Championship. As usual these two had their working boots on and kicked the living shit out of each other for almost sixty minutes (They almost looked as exhausted as me after finishing my shift) with MJF coming out victorious after whacking Ospreay with the Dynamite Diamond Ring. Sometimes it's necassary to force something in wrestling and MJF going back to being a heel was definitely a must after the wet fart ending to his angle with Adam Cole Bay Bay. In an ideal world the reveal of Adam Cole as The Devil would've led to a six month feud between the two but tragically both men were injured and The Elite were already doing their evil powerhouse faction at the time so The Undisputed Kingdom just got lost in the shuffle. Who knows what that rivalry would've been but regardless I'm glad that they've hit the reset button on MJF because babyface MJF without a Cole feud would've been completely hollow and pointless. I was sad to learn that legendary comedian Bob Newhart had died. His album Button Down Mind is still one of the all time great comedy albums and I think Newhart is one of the few, along with Woody Allen, Mort Sahl and Lenny Bruce, who can lay claim to having invented a new method of doing stand up. Bruce was unapologetically offfensive, Sahl showed that you could use comedy to mock key political figures, Allen introduced the idea of monologue stand up instead of joke after joke and Newhart basically invented character stand-up i.e acting out situations during a stand up routine in sketch almost in the form of a sketch. I'm sure at the time none of these fine comics thought that they were doing anything revolutionary but rather they were just delivering their jokes in ways that were most comfortable to them but you can certainly see how their choice of delivery / subject matter has influenced everything that has come since them. Newhart also seemed like a really lovely guy who didn't care that much about his place in the comedy food chain but rather just seemed happy that he was part of it. I would have liked to have seen him live but sadly I would've had to have been born fifty years earlier than I was and gotten myself a ticket for the Royal Variety Performance 1964 because that was genuinely Newhart's only UK gig so he clearly held a grudge against the Brits because of what we did to the Americans during World War 3. Either way he was a funny fucker and he will be missed.

[fashionguestpost]

Influencers Gone Wild: Scandals, Backlash, and Legal Woes

In the ever-evolving world of social media, influencers wield immense power. Their carefully curated posts can shape trends, influence consumer behavior, and even impact public opinion. But what happens when these digital darlings go off-script? Enter the realm of “Influencers Gone Wild.”

The Controversial Platform

Influencers Gone Wild is a website that thrives on scandalous content involving—you guessed it—social media influencers. From eyebrow-raising stunts to jaw-dropping revelations, this platform aggregates and shares it all. But what impact does it have on influencers’ reputations, privacy, mental health, and relationships with brands and followers? Let’s dive in.

The Wild Moments

Fart Jars and Other Oddities:

Some influencers have taken eccentricity to a whole new level. Remember the influencer who sold her own farts in jars? Yes, that happened. And people bought them. The line between quirky and downright bizarre blurs in the world of influencers.

Nude Photoshoots with Sacred Trees:

One influencer decided to bare it all—literally—by posing nude with a sacred tree. The backlash was swift, with accusations of cultural insensitivity and disrespect. Brands distanced themselves, and followers were left scratching their heads.

Feuds and Public Meltdowns:

Influencers aren’t immune to drama. Public feuds, emotional breakdowns, and heated exchanges play out on social media platforms. Fans watch in shock as their favorite personalities unravel before their eyes.

Legal Troubles:

Some influencers find themselves in legal hot water. Whether it’s copyright infringement, defamation, or contractual disputes, the courtroom becomes their new stage. Suddenly, their follower count matters less than their lawyer’s prowess.

A prominent American Twitch streamer, internet personality, cosplayer, and vlogger, has ventured into the unpredictable realm of “Meg Turney influencers gone wild,” leaving fans both shocked and intrigued1. Her journey from gaming to lifestyle content has been closely followed by millions, but her recent foray into this wild side has caused quite a stir on the internet

The Fallout

Influencers Gone Wild isn’t just a spectator sport; it has real-world consequences:

Brand Partnerships:

Brands scrutinize influencers more closely than ever. A scandal can lead to severed partnerships, loss of sponsorships, and damage to a brand’s image. Trust once broken is hard to mend.

Mental Health Toll:

The pressure to maintain a flawless online persona takes a toll. Influencers battle anxiety, depression, and burnout. The constant need for validation clashes with the desire for authenticity.

Privacy Invasion:

The line between public and private blurs. Paparazzi-style coverage invades influencers’ personal lives. Privacy becomes a luxury they can’t afford.

Lessons Learned

Influencers Gone Wild serves as a cautionary tale. It reminds us that behind the filters and hashtags, influencers are human. They make mistakes, face consequences, and grapple with their own vulnerabilities. As we scroll through their feeds, let’s remember that wild moments don’t define them entirely.

In the end, perhaps we should all take a step back, unfurl our brows, and recognize that even influencers have their wild side.

[thatyamiguy-blog]

Beach baby blues (ben 10)

Gwen was having a good sleep in her bunk, a rare good sleep since for the past week her and Ben had been at each others throats fighting and pranking each other almost none stop.  the feuding was wearing on everyone, including Grandpa max who had gone out side to sleep last night just to get away from all of it. Still, Once Ben had FINALLY stopped belching the alphabet and gone to sleep there had been blessed peace and she was soaking in the Z's.Or had been till Ben who had woken up first decided to give her a rude wake up call. It helped that Gwen slept on her side and so her face was pointed outward as Ben got as close as her dare, Butt almost touching her nose, then sounded his own version of a wake up trumpet with a grunt. PBBBBBBBTTTTTT! The force of the fart ACTUALLY ruffled Gwen's hair and her eyes opened wide even as she wrinkled her nose and she sat up in a hurry, hands going to her nose. "BEN! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" She yelled, gagging from the rotten egg smell. "Nah, that's funny!" he laughed, then sniffed and waved a hand. "whew,m ok yeah, name that sucker, it's sticking around for awhile! you're gonna smell like fart ALL day!" "I'M GONNA KILL YOU WITH A HONEST TO GOD SMILE ON MY FACE YOU IMMATURE BRAT!!" Gwen Shouted and  went to jump out of bed with her hands ready to strangle him. "Whoa whoa whoa, Gwen! Calm down alright..what I did was wrong and not funny..I'm sorry." Ben said, hands out in front of him and slowly coming closer. "We can totally talk this out like mature young ad-" and then Ben put a hand by his butt and farted on it and then put the hand in her face. "CUP OF CHEESE!" he shouted and dashed into the bathroom, locking the door as Gwen fell back, holding her poor nose. 'I'm gonna strangle him! No, not good enough..I'll cover him in gravy and toss him in the wood! ...still not good enough! there has to be some way to get back at him and sound him he's acting like..like..' Gwen thought, gagging and opening a window in the rust bucket to get some fresh air flowing in and washing her face in the sink since Ben was hogging the can. A cruel, awful idea came to her, it was in the curse section of the book and would make the punishment fit the crime and she wondered for a second if she was REALLY mad enough to make Ben look like how he was acting. "Hey fart breath, I 'accidentally' knocked your toothbrush into the can. hope you don't mind!" Ben called. "Yeah.. he deserves this." Gwen muttered and grabbed her spell book.

By the time Ben felt brave enough to come out of the bathroom, the curse had already been set up and ready to go, Ben just had to ingest it, so on that note Gwen gave him a small smile and nodded to the table where a stack of pancakes were waiting for him. "...ok whats the catch?" Ben said skeptically. "No catch Ben, their normal pancakes. Look, that cup of cheese thing was actually..kind of funny." Gwen forced herself to say. "and it's clear you're gonna win the prank war so I just wanna toss up the flag now. I'll even leave you alone when we get to the beach later." Ben raised a eyebrow and sat down, eyeing the five pancakes and then her and she rolled her eyes and cut off a small piece of then and chewed and swallowed, the middle of the flapjacks were where the curse was sitting. "Happy?" She asked. Ben looked thoughtful then nodded. "Yeah ok, I suppose it makes sense you'd realize your beaten. your smart in so many ways but I'm king of the pranks." Ben said and proceed to go to town on the pancakes, making a mess and making Gwen realize his eating habits weren't gonna change all that much by the time the day was over. 'how did he get some in his HAIR!?'

Gwen had her own non cursed Pancakes and some for gramps when he came in and then it was off to the beach, it wasn't that far of a drive though Ben got in a shower on the way as did Gwen after him. Ben even seemed to feel bad about dropping her toothbrush in the can and offered to share his with her, but Gwen polity turned it down. Parking the rust bucket Grandpa max got his own beach gear ready and clearly had plans on just tanning and reading a book. "Alright Kid, I know the food stands at these beach's can get pricey so I'm giving you each $30. but once it's gone it gone so make it last. you each have a key to the rust bucket if you need to get out of the sun and basically, go have fun." He said, ruffling their hair and walking off. with Ben in his swim trunks and having a tote bag for towels and the like and Gwen in her swim suite and like wise, the cousins hit the beach and looked it over trying to figure out what to do first. Oh look, there's a nice little rock formation over there, likely to be a ton of seashells!" Gwen said, trying to sound as boring as possible so Ben wouldn't wanna hang out with her and she could watch her work in action without having to smell him. "Lammmmme!" Ben said and rolled his eyes. He was about to suggest they go swimming when he spotted some five year olds making sand castles and oddly, the idea appealed to him. "Oh! let's make a sand castle! with a moat and lots of towers and-" "What are you, five?" Gwen asked. "YOUR FIVE!" Ben huffed, sticking out his bottom lip in a uber pout, clearly not even noticing how juvenile he was sound or acting. "Go play with your stinky shells fart breath!" he added as if it was the greatest insult ever and stomped away, "..it's like sandblasting a soup cracker." Gwen mused.

The five year olds were naturally shocked at first when a big kid wanted to make sand castles with them, but soon were delighted. they were both shorter then Ben (naturally) and one had a wild head of orange hair and freckles on his face and introduced himself as Trevor, while the other had dirty blond hair in a crew crew and said his name was Lance. "I'm Ben Tennyson!" Ben said, puffing up his chest like he expected the kids to know who he was despite the fact his superhero career was mostly on the down low. "Umm.. cool?" the little guys said after a 20 second pause. "Do you have a Bucket or anything or just gonna use your hands?" Lance asked. "...ah crud. Knew I forgot something." Ben said face palming and then pointing his index fingers together, giving the younger boys his best pleading look. "Coulddddd we maybe share?" The little guys exchanged looks, the big boy was acting more like one of them, but then shrugged and nodded. "Alright, I suppose so. just make sure your sand castle looks AWESOME!" Trevor said and handed over his bucket. "Oh, it'll be super awesome! Like, 20 times better then either of yours." Ben said, getting a swelled head and smirking, not noticing his bladder starting to fill up rapidly. "Uh..No need to go all jerk butt about it." Lance said. "Yeah, if your gonna be a butt, then I want my bucket back." Trevor added. "Pffft just TRY and take it!" Ben said and stuck out his tongue, plopping his butt filling up the bucket. "Friggen brat." Lance Mumbled, and tugged Trevor back over to their castle. "C'mon, I'll share with you." Ben ignored them as he got to work, His tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as he worked on what would be his masterpiece, a work of sand castle art that would go down in the record books. Or at least that's how it looked in his head, where his brain was rapidly losing it's maturity even as he lost half a inch of height.  In truth Ben's 'grand sandcastle' was just a lump of sand that kept crumbling because it was too dry and Ben's efforts to keep it together wasn't really working. "..Hey one of you dumb babies give me a shovel!" Ben said, standing up and semi over his 'sand castle', hands on his hips. "No way!" the boys said in unison, both smirking and looking beyond Ben. "I said give me one Now or I'll kick your butts so har-" Ben started then heard a deep voice clearing it's throat and turned around looking up at a 6'7, ripped and tanned Life guard. "Er.. Howdy." Ben said meekly. "Do we have a problem over here?" The Life guard asked, looking down and frowning. "I like to run a nice safe beach were everyone can get along and have NO tolerance for bullies." The lifeguard semi lied. in truth while he hated bullies on their own, he loved watching bullies get their come upance. "Nooo Nope Not at all!" Ben squeaked out. "J-Just a little misunderstanding! I-I was about to return this bucket my good friends here lent me!" Ben said, feeling scared and nervous, which was odd to him since he had taken on WAY worse when it came to aliens."R-Right Lance?..Trevor?" "..." the two little guys exchanged looks, silently debating if they were gonna back Ben up but before the could answer the stress of the situation got to Ben and his full bladder. there was a hissing noise and Ben's face screwed up as his crotch suddenly felt warm and then his legs, but it wasn't till he looked down he realized why they felt warm. He was wetting himself! "A-Ah! No!" Ben yelped, hands going over his crotch as he turned bright read, the little guys snickering and covering their mouths, trying NOT to be rude because they'd been raised right. "...Son you do know that we have strict rules about how little boys and girls who AREN'T potty trained need to be diapered right? can't have you using the beach like it's a litter box." The life guard said, a condescending tone in his voice as he took Ben's hand. "W-Wait no! I don't normally..I just!..You scared me!" Ben whined and whimpered, trying to stop himself being pulled along but all that happened as his heel made trails in the sand. tears were welling up in his eyes and he was whining and having a fit, which of course only drew MORE attention to them but before they got too fair Lance spoke up. "Excuse me, Mister life guard?" He said, giving Ben a glimmer of hope the little dude was gonna speak on his defense. "Yes?" "You forgot Ben's tote bag." Lance said and held it up as Trevor took back his pail, holding it with two fingers and holding his nose, and heading to the water to wash it just in case. "Oh Thanks little guy."

One trip to a changing room (Usually mean for swim suits but taking on a whole new meaning for Ben) And Mr. big shot alien hero had a thick white with nursery prints diaper taped around his hips. the stupid thing was bulky enough he couldn't close his legs and Ben wasn't sure what he was more annoyed about. The fact he'd been taped in a diaper and had nothing to cover it with since his shorts were soaked..or the fact he'd had to PAY 5 bucks for the stupid diaper or get off the beach! "Now I'll check on you in a hour..that's how long it'll take for your shorts to dry out..And if your diapers still clean by then we'll chalk it up to a freak accident." The life guard said, helping Ben to his feet. "But I don't wanna see you bullying anyone else, got it mister?" "..yeah." Ben huffed, sulking and arms crossed looking away and then peering at the door. "Uh...can I just stay in here till my shorts are dried?" "Sorry, 10 minutes tops rule on changing room use. I would let you but gosh, I'm the one who enforces the rules and if I start ignoring them.." The life guard said with a smile that made it clear he wasn't sorry one little bit. "Truly, you are a beckon of Justice." Ben snarked, and got turned around and padded butt slapped forcing him out of the changing room for his trouble. "..I've gotta learn to start watching my mouth."

Ben had a moment of hope as he walked back out onto the beach, his diaper crinkling, that maybe no one would notice or be polite enough not to say anything. He held onto that hope for all of 20 seconds before the first cry of "Look at that kid in the massive diaper!" rang out over the beach. anyone who wasn't looking all turned and soon a roar of laughter built up from most of the crowd, with a few mothers and fathers trying to scold their kids not to tease, some boys don't mature as fast as others. Ben himself tried to think of a spin to put on the diapers even as he squirmed and blushed and tried to hide them with his hands, but somehow he doubted anyone would buy that they were just a new European style of swimming trunks. 'Ok, eff this, I'm going back to the rust bucket!' Ben thought and turned to go and get away from the attention..and turned into a group of smaller boys who were being lead by Lance and Trevor. 'Ohhh this isn't going end well.' Ben thought then gulped loudly and put a weak smile on his face. "H-Heyyyy guys...W-what's up?" "See? I told you that big bully was gonna be in diapers!" Lance said to the group behind him. "Ha! he's as red as a tomato!" Trevor added. "Umm.. If I say sorry we maybe can just forgive and forget and all be friends?" Ben tried, not for a second thinking that would work but it was better then his only other option: Trying to out run the brats in the massive huggies. There was a quiet laugh among the group and a lot of heads shaking no, but then Lance smiled big time and Ben had a bad feeling in his tummy tum. "Welll I suppose it wouldn't be FAIR to pick on a big dumb baby.. That IS what you are right Ben?" Lance asked. "of course if your a big boy who just happens to be in diapers we'll have to torment you till you're crying and begging for mommy." ".." Ben quickly weighed his options and while he knew he should fight back, or argue, he was feeling really intimidated and his bottom lip was quivering, even as he shrunk a little bit, not enough to be noticeable to the group, at least not yet. "I-I'm a big dumb baby. Please don't kick my butt!" The group laughed BIG time and Ben oddly found himself wanting to suck on his thumb, the bad feeling in his tummy getting worse. "Man, I thought he was red before!" One boy said. "Hmm, maybe he's getting a sun burn! we better get something cool in the babies system!" Trevor said. "Does baby Ben want a snow cone? our treat." Of course as Trevor said that, one of the kids had taken Ben's tote back and had fished out his money from gramp's. "U-Um Yes Please..but..Please put that money back!" Ben said, letting Lance take his hand and start to lead him to the snow cone stand. "Oh? Why little guy?" Trevor asked. "I..I need it in case.." And Ben tried to think of a good reason that would keep him from getting robbed. "In case I need a new diapie! these are five bucks a pop!" Ben said, proud of how clever he was for a split second, then realized he basically flat out said he needed the diapers/was planing on using the one he was in. Naturally the kids ALL laughed and snickered. "Oh, that's a good point BABY Ben. Don't worry, we'll just use the five dollar bill and make sure you'll have enough for four diapie changes." Lance snickered. "But we'll still hold onto your money. a big dumb BABY like you can't be trusted with cash. Aren't you lucky that you have us to look out for you?" Trevor added. Ben whined loudly and went to argue but instead a loud but muffled poot came out and the kids broke into fresh laughter and held their noses. "Sheesh I think he's gonna need a diapie change soon!" Trevor snickered. "NUH-UH! I DUN POOP MYSELF!!" Ben huffed and whined, stopping and stomping a foot, losing more height and actually loosing a year, not that it showed too much at the moment. "Somebodies grumpy." Lance snickered and just tugged Ben along, almost making the big baby trip as he stumbled to follow, getting Ben to the  snow cone stand. "I bet I know what's wrong!" Trevor said as he ordered a large snow cone, then came up behind Ben. "Baby's got diaper rash and needs something cold on his buns!" Before Ben could react, the back of his diaper was tugged back and the snow cone was dumped into the back of his diaper, Making him shriek like a little girl. Letting the back of the diapers go the group laughed and giggled as Ben ran around in a circle, hands on the back of his diapered butt, crying and then plopping down on his butt into the warm sand and dragging his pamper butt on the sand in a effort to melt the snow cone faster. "C-Cold! mah bun's are f-freezing!" Ben wailed, shrinking down to 8 and a half, then down to seven, getting up and his diaper hanging a little loosely but everyone just assumed that was from him dragging his butt on the sand. The life guard was coming over and Ben, with his hands on the sides of his diaper looked to him, tears in his eyes and pointing at the boys. "Mister lifeguard! you hafa help me! their picking on me!!" Ben whined. "Actually I just came over to see what all the fuss was about." the Life guard said and then looked over Ben's diaper, frowning a little.he could of sworn the kid was taller before but then again it could just be the saggy diaper making him look smaller. "Oh, Little Ben here was complaining about his bun's being too hot, so we helped him out." Lance lied. "Well, that seems nice. Ben did you think the nice boys for helping you out?" the Lifeguard asked. "W-What!? But th-" Ben went to complain when a cramp hit him and he hunched over. it was the type of cramp he was very well familiar with, and it normally gave him at least 10-20 seconds to find a potty. this time however, it had no such time between the cramp and the result this time and before Ben could even say anything, his back door opened up and he unleashed hell into the seat of the drooping diaper. "Is he.." One boys asked, jaw dropping. "He totally is! Gross!" Laughed a second boy, holding his nose. "Wow! what a baby!" Trevor giggled, then gagged as the smell reached him. Ben's body just shock as he went into a power squat, feeling like half of his body weight was leaving him and having to grab onto the sides of the diaper to keep it from coming off as it threaten to sag too much. "Wow Ben..I guess this proves you did need that diaper after all!" the life guard said and got a chuckle. "Might as well finish up and then I'll change you. Ben huffed and whined, but could only nod his head as he finished up the dirty deed.

One changing room diaper change later, and anther five bucks Ben was greeted by the boys as he came out, they wanted to make it up to the big baby by letting him come and play with them. Anyone with half a brain would of seen though the life, but Ben who had gotten younger and smaller just grinned like a fool and nodded, happy and eager to play and now barely bigger then the five year olds. something about that fact was bugging Ben, but as he saw the color and cool beach toys some of the kids had he pushed it out of his mind, playing with a Bat sub and losing track of where he was as he moved it around in the air as the other boys giggled and chuckled. "Hey Benny! watch out, I don't think that diaper is water proof!" Lance called out. Ben was snapped out of his game and looked down, he was shin deep in the water and with the bulky diaper almost coming down to his knees, it was a good thing his new bestest bud had warned him! He was about to say as much when he happened to glance over his shoulder and spotted a shark fin heading strait for him! instantly the front of the diaper was soaked and Ben let out a girlish scream of terror, losing anther inch or so and as he went to turn and run away, he tipped and fell backwards into the water. the diaper swelled even more as the ocean filled it but then out of the water jumped Trevor, who had been wearing the shark fin with a loud "RAWR!" and Ben filled the diaper even more in the back, bubbles rising out of the water as somehow he had more in him to push out..his eyes rolled back in his head and almost foaming at the mouth basically out of it from terror. "Hahaha Got you Ben!...Ben?...Eww are you pooping again? ...Bennnn?" Trevor asked, holding his nose and shaking Ben, then gulping. "U-Uh guys! I think I broke him!"

Gwen had gotten quite the collection of seashells as well as semi kept a eye on Ben during his beach adventure, but as she headed towards the snack stand she saw a commotion as the Life guard dragged a little boy in a massive diaper out of the water. 'oh shit, don't tell me the little dweeb went and drowned!!' she thought, getting worried and rushing over. Once she got close enough she could tell Ben hadn't of gone to the big crib in the sky, though his smell was making the concerned onlookers back away.. she could hear him repeatedly muttering the phase 'Shark' over and over again. 'Ok..he's clearly had enough. if I was a kind and loving person, I would call this off now and let him come back to the rust bucket and undo all of this.' Gwen thought to herself. Instead she used two spells, one which broke Ben out of his shock faster and anther which filled him back up. 'yeah.. good witch of the north I am not.' she thought with a smirk, taking the time to set up a few little magic traps on the path to the rust bucket that would only work on Ben.

Ben went from being so scared he couldn't think of anything but his fear to being aware that he was currently on his back, on the beach, a load of people around and he was in the middle of a diaper change. "H-hey! what happened to privacy!" Ben yelped out, about to go and cover his private's when his hands were grabbed by two of the formally younger boys, keeping him from interfering. Formerly because during his attack Ben had shrunk and de-aged more and was now a solid five years old. "Sorry little guy, your diaper was just too destroyed to risk taking you to the changing room." the life guard said, sliding TWO diapers under Ben's tush this time since the kid was apparently ALL bowels. "oh the plus side, consider these diapers paid for..Trevor's parents are less then pleased with his little stunt." Ben groaned and whined, while it was nice he wasn't paying for the stupid huggies he'd of been willing to if it was just ONE of the friggen things. "Ok Lyle and Kyle..you can let go of him now..You two totally earned those Junior life guard badges." the life guard said and Ben sat up, see indeed two of the boys had the cheap plastic looking things on their shirt shorts. "Sell outs." Ben huffed then spotted Gwen. "Gwen!" he reached out,holding out his arms and looking happy to see her as the life guard looked over. "You know this little guy miss?" He asked. "heh, yeah. the little stinker is my cousin. Benny, I told you to stick close to me! I've been looking all over for you!" Gwen said, coming over and wagging a finger at Ben, for the benefit of the crowd while Ben got a confused look on his face. "What are you talking about?" he asked, and scrambled up to his feet..coming up to her midsection. "Woah! when did you get so tall!?!" He asked, letting out a poot in shock. the poot mostly got the rest of the crowd to leave, since Ben was now (in)famous for his diaper loading and Gwen just smiled down. "what are you talking about LITTLE guy. you've always been a shorty." She said smugly. Ben's brow furrowed and he tiled his head. "well, you've always been a little taller..but nothing like this! We're both 10 so you musta fallen in a amazon pool or something!" Ben said, shifting from side to side, the puzzle of the height difference distracting him from realizing he had to go potty. "heh, that's ONE idea yeah.. have you considered maybe -I- havn't gotten taller at all.. but you've just gotten smaller?" She asked, kneeling down and looking eyes with him. "Or maybe even de-aged?" "..What? Nooo! I would totally." Fart. Know if" double fart. "I was younger!" Ben huffed, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Would you?" Gwen challenged and reached in her tote back, taking out a compact mirror and letting Ben see his reflection. Ben's eyes went wide as saucers and his jaw dropped at the five year old face that looked back at him, he even had that gap in his teeth he'd had for a few months because he had knocked out a tooth before it was ready to be replaced for tooth fairy money! "A-Ah! Gwen! you hafa help me! this hasa be the work of Hex! or Charm caster! or some new meanie butt alien dingus!" Ben said, farting up a storm and waving his arms around in a panic. "Or, and heard me out on this: maybe it was just something you ate." Gwen said and stood up, making sure everyone was far enough away now, and turning around so he butt was by his face ripped a good one that could easily be explained as coming from Ben right in his face. "Paybacks a bitch and so am I." Ben gagged on the fart and out his hands over his nose, a cry of 'stinky' coming out then the full weight of what she said hit him. "...This was all you! all of the diapers, the getting all small, you did this with pancakes!" He said and pointed a finger at her with one hand, the other holding his nose. "Awww, Guilty as charged. but I'll be nice. there IS a way to undo all of this. my spell book is in the rust bucket and opened to the page needed to undo the curse and return you to normal." Gwen said, then looked at her water proof watch. "The curse will be permanent in 5 minutes, but the rust bucket is JUST over there.." She said and pointed, and as if she was being a fair sport about it fished out his key to it from his tote bag and tossed it to him. "I'm sure even with your MASSIVE huggies on you can make it.." She said, and started to walk for the rust bucket. "of course if -I- get there first I'll just close the book and you'll be left helpless and stuck as a permanent five year old..better hurry." her words fueled Ben and he went to fiddle with the omiatrix and go XLer8 but then pictured the watch failing him and evening up as Grey matter and totally dooming himself. '...I don't care if I AM five and in double diapers! I'm faster then her!' Ben thought and dropped into a runners starting position then sprinted off..getting all of 6 steps before tripping and going face first into the sand. "Geez..Maybe I'll just stand here and watch the show." Gwen called, halfway to the rust bucket. pushing himself up from the sand and spitting out a mouthful of it, Ben decided not to engage in a war of insults though he was sure calling her a doo doo head would of reduced her to tears. 'eye's on the prize!'

Gwen had to admit as she watched Ben go, when he set his mind to something he was impressive. it was just too bad for him that even after quickly figuring out he could crawl faster then he could run that the game was still stacked against him. It was only dumb luck he'd avoided 3 of the traps she'd set, but luck wasn't on his side the fourth time and he found himself frozen in place as the trap, combined with all the 'fuel' in his guts, had Benny stuck in place as he farted and crapped himself again, baseball size lumps coming out of his now. "Geez Ben, I don't think this is REALLY the best time to be making poopie." Gwen called, leaning against the door to the rust bucket. the race was all but over but she wanted to watch her magic go to work. Of course she'd also made the traps so they would reinforce the diapers, the last thing she wanted was the little manure pile leaking everywhere. "S-Shut up!" Ben cried and then was grunting and pushing, not fighting it or letting it just happen like before, finishing up fast and getting a stupid big grin on his face as he could crawl again. '..that's the proudest I've ever seen someone look for pooping their huggies.' Gwen mused. "Tick tock smelly butt! you've got.." and she looked at her watch. "oh my, that's not a lot of time!" Ben yelped and crawled as fast as he could, avoiding the rest of her traps and Ben was a good sport and held the door open for Ben as he crawled up into the rust bucket, taking the chance to refill his belly. He rushed over to the book, and Gwen had even circled what he needed to say and he gave her a big smirk then read the counter spell out loud. Only for nothing to happen. "Oh yeah, I guess I forgot my watch is a few minutes behind. my bad~" Gwen said in a sing song voice. "But...but.." Ben sniffled, looking at her with tears in his eyes and then he plopped on his stinky butt. "T-That's not fairrrrr! I don't wanna be a little boy stuck in diapers! I wanna poop on the potty!" Ben bawled, both hands coming up and rubbing at his eyes. "Oh, if That's all you want, I can help with that!" Gwen said and smiled brightly. "Y-You can?" Ben asked, hiccuping and looking up. "yeah! I mean, you'll still be in diapers but.." And Gwen picked Ben up wincing at the smell and holding him under the arm pits as she dropped him on the toilet, his massive diaper getting wedge and he was whining and fussing again. "Here, you can 'poop on the potty' all you want!" Gwen crackled and then with a last little magic push Ben was pooping again and she walked out, shutting the bathroom door behind her and leaving him to stew in his own fumes. "And that..is why you don't wake a witch up with a fart." She said to herself.

The end

[jaynaneeya]

Day 1 - Costume

Okay, I know this is kind of a weird choice, but I just really like the telephone dress she wore in the Fart Feud Arbitration.

[gerrycoco]

When you have a small following but you’re still really proud of it